#i just really wanted to make this bc .... like. between us is a passion project ... yeah. but thats LITERALLY what these have been striving

[taikanyohou]

BOUNPREM + FILMOGRAPHY (2019- ).

“Everyday for the past three years, I always knew that tomorrow, there would be Between Us. When the camera turned off (after filming the last scene for Between Us), I felt my heart linger in that moment. I don’t know what the goal will be now tomorrow. More than having to wait, is the fear that there’s nothing now to wait for. So, what am I waiting for? My ultimate goal for the last three years has always been Between Us.”

[ncteez]

philoselene (k.h.j)

You weren’t sure what to think of Hongjoong, with his ever-changing hair and ever-growing piercings. He is the complete opposite of you, and you’re unsure of why he keeps gravitating toward you, or why he found an interest in you at all. Through his eyes though, he swears you’d be able to handle the weight of the moon if he were to pull it down for you.

or the one where hongjoong would do just about anything for you, and he can’t help but show it when he’s got you on top of him for the first time.

ao3 | m.list | minors dni! | kindly leave feedback and reblog. 

WORDCOUNT― 6.2k

PAIRING― alt!stoner!hongjoong x afab reader 

CONTENT― some weed smoking and moon gazing happen, a little bit of them struggling to translate their thoughts into words that make sense, very fluffy stuff, he’s a little shy about his body, service top hongjoong, first time together, intensely passionate smut

NOTE― just fyi, i know the description makes it seem like the reader is insecure. I can assure you, she is not. It’s just two people learning that they fit together like a puzzle, and wanting to know each other’s thought processes. anyway, im very in love with hongjoong and that’s why I basically just wrote comfort smut. BYE. not proof read so pls dont point out my typos, ill actually cry. 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― makeout sessions, they’re really really high so the experience is kind of slow motion, frottage, sweet-talking rather than dirty talking, brief mutual masturbation, missionary on a couch, he’s a service top but it’s not heavily described here bc like– he’s just hella into her and feels good no matter what she does, ummm, unprotected sex bc im lazy

~

             The man whose hair changes at each new moon cycle, the one who smells like winter but has the eyes of a smoldering flame spreading to a forest fire. Both his charm and his wit are entirely unmatched if anyone you’ve ever met in your life is to go by. His hands are the most gentle, and goddamn does he know how to dress to piss off the local business owners. 

           A new ear piercing for him usually meant heartbreak, be it a lost friend, a failed project, or even an incorrect lunch order at the run-down diner across town. Everything about Hongjoong is telling. He is not mysterious, nor does he want to be.

             You, on the other hand, are the complete opposite in terms of how you carry yourself. You worry too much, your posture is slouched when it shouldn’t be, your confidence wavers more often than you’d like to admit, and you keep to yourself most of the time. Minimizing yourself, snuffing out any flame or glow that threatens to show to anyone less than a close friend. You dress much like your personality, muted. 

             This is why you question the dynamic on each date you end up on with Hongjoong. Dinner dates, movie dates, walks in the park. Normal. fucking. dates. The dynamic between the two of you is anything but natural to you. Time after time now, seeing him after sunset looking at you much like he would if he were seeking out constellations, you feel like you’re not a person meant to be looked at this way. You’ll never get used to another person wanting to spend this time with you, like they’re finding comfort in your silence. What do you have that seems to fulfill him? 

             Even now, six hours after the date started, you find yourself next to Hongjoong and his bright smile. The small rolled joint burned out minutes ago, and the dull city skyline bursts with pinks and purples from the sunset.  His smile is one that is entirely soft and focused on you. All of his attention, on you. The one thing in the world you hate, he gives to you and makes you feel as though you don’t hate it nearly as much as you did before meeting him. 

“Hongjoong,” You whisper into the brisk air, bumping your leg against his as he tilts his chin up as if to let you know he’s listening to whatever you want to say. “This is our– what? Seventh date?” 

           He nods with a hum. 

“First time at my place though, so we can still call it a first date.” He offers, reaching his arms out and feeling the stretch of his muscles relax him.  His arms fall back to his side and his eyes fall back on you. 

           Never have you had this many first dates, nor has any man treated each date as such. 

“Why do you do that?” You laugh, slouching back against the weathered wicker couch, the balcony offering both the most wonderful and shitty view of the city. 

“Do what?” He asks, turning slightly towards you with a curious look. 

“Like, I don’t know,” you trail off, for some reason unable to look him in the eye as you continue to spiral into the slow and fuzzy high that his weed offers to you. He looks insanely attractive tonight, especially in this lighting. The colors somehow glow against his skin, contrasting with the dark and plush sweater he has on. It’s weathered much like this wicker furniture, but you imagine he’s comfortable inside of that sweater, sitting on this furniture, breathing in the same air you’re breathing out. “You always call each date the first one, I’m wondering when it’ll be, like, something more than that?”

           You can hear yourself talking and you can’t help but think you sound fucking stupid, but he chuckles in response. 

“I probably sound lame saying it but, I like that I learn something new about you each time. It’s not my fault that it always feels like a first date with you.” He laughs, making a face towards you that makes you laugh a bit louder than expected. 

“You act like I have something new and interesting to tell you every day,” He cuts you off as you try to speak.

“For instance, today I learned that you don’t even like the coffee I bring to you.” He’s snide when he says it, raising a brow at you. 

“What? Yes, I do!” You defend, definitely lying as you feel your stomach hit the concrete floor of his balcony. You’ve always been a terrible liar.

“Is that why you always leave it in my cup holder pretending like you forgot it?” 

           You narrow your eyes at him but can’t keep up the act much longer as the smile creeps wider across your lips. 

“You’re too observant of me,” You joke, not realizing how true it actually is. “You know I usually spend my days avoiding the idea of people noticing what I do, right?”

           He nods towards you, face fond and droopy from his high. 

“I think you’re cute when you notice that I notice,” he blinks away from you, watching the sun fall and the moon take its rightful spot in the sky. “Besides, if you don’t like it, you’d stop letting me take you out, right?”

           He’s actually looking for confirmation this time, not looking at you, and mostly preparing for the make-it-or-break-it moment now that you’ve finally worked up the courage to stop going with his flow. 

“I think I’m just confused over you wanting to spend time with me at all, actually.” You admit, knowing for a fact that you appear to be the most boring human alive, and not many people stick around to find the actual personality within you. 

           Hongjoong looks at you this time, genuinely shocked that you’d even say that or feel confused over why he chooses to spend time with you.

“Well, I can go down a list of reasons, if you want?”

           You prop yourself up, fixing your posture and wiggling your brows.

“Please, do.” You say, feeling a permanent smile form on your face. 

           Hongjoong claps his hands on his thighs before lifting his legs and turning on the wicker couch to face you, tucking himself into the smallest version of himself as he huddles into his oversized sweater. 

“Alright, for starters, you’re not as boring as you think you are. What person would have climbed that no-trespassing fence with me without asking a single question?” 

           He’s just gloating at you now. Most people would absolutely do that with him. 

“Literally, anyone would have done that with you.”

           He waves you off.

“You like the same anime I like and the same music. You even knew of the band I was in during my senior year of high school!” 

           You nod, he’s got a point there.

“You’re not loud or constantly demanding attention. I like that you just kind of exist. Sometimes I just need to exist too, but people always expect more, you know?” 

           Hongjoong’s eyes trail off, landing on the darkening sky and seeking out the moon. 

“When we hang out, I feel like there’s nothing we actually need to do in order to call it a date. You’re the only person I’ve continuously taken out. You’ve made it clear that you expect nothing from me.”

           You nod, but tilt your head in question as your own eyes follow his gaze to the moon. 

“So, it makes me want to give you everything.”

           Unsure of if it’s the weed talking through him or if he meant what he just said, you still find yourself melting a bit at his voice when he says it. The words feel like they hold a lot of weight for him, and you didn’t even know that weight existed until now. 

“Do you always say these types of things when the moon is in the right position, and the weed is dank as hell?”

           He snorts, tucking his chin into his chest as he laughs before reaching out and swatting you on the shoulder. 

“What I’m trying to get at here, because I know by now that you’re not going to pick up on any hints is that I kind of want this to be the last first date.”

           You find yourself panicking at that, unsure of what the fuck that’s supposed to mean. Hongjoong instantly regrets his awful attempt at wording that. “Unmatched wit” his ass, he can genuinely say the dumbest shit in the most important situations. 

“Wait–” He pauses, mouth falling slack as he visibly searches his brain for the correct words. “Okay, let me rephrase that.”

           You wait, feeling relieved at his panic and the slow recovery of what he just said to you. 

“What I meant by last first date, is like, um–” It’s lost on him again as you watch his eyes squint into a smile instead, the sparkle of his eyes matching the glints from his various earrings. “I’m trying to ask you to be my girlfriend, fuck.”

           This. This is another reason why he likes you this much. Though he saw your eyes fall, and though he said what he needed to say incorrectly at first, you didn’t question him. You didn’t put words in his mouth or react in a way that wouldn’t allow his own recovery. His ability to talk to women right now is highly reduced, but his ability to talk to you is forever comfortable even when he fucks up. You let him fuck that up, and now you’re smiling at him and he can’t help but let his heart swell three times its original size. 

“So,” he coughs, looking back to the moon and then back at you. “I guess we can’t have any more first dates if every time we see each other, we are technically, like, dating, right?”

           You snort at his inability to string together a coherent sentence, knowing full well that both of you have the ability to navigate everyday conversations high. Given the fact that the two of you have been in public before pretending like you didn’t just hotbox his car. It’s just that, this isn’t an everyday conversation and you’d like to think that you probably sound like an idiot too. You’re somehow right there with him even if you feel like you’re on two different pages of two different books. 

“You have a point,” you say, managing to fit his words into a sentence that makes sense in your brain. “Delivery could have been better though.” 

           The lighting on his cheekbones says enough about his own permanent smile matching yours. If you believed in fairytales, you’d genuinely think that the two of you are in your own little world with nothing but the moon and expensive ass weed. 

“You’re supposed to say yes, by the way.” Hongjoong urges you, both of you kind of entering into a giggle fit because of the warmth spreading throughout your bodies. 

           You nod, agreeing that, yes, you’ll definitely be his girlfriend. 

 ~

             The first kiss with Hongjoong may have been the warmest you’ve ever felt. It was smooth, a little peckish, and overall quite sweet. Even over the weeks he had been taking you out, he never once kissed you or did little more than be some of the best company you could find yourself with. The first kiss taking place after making things official was something you weren’t used to. 

           And so, that first kiss on his balcony became a second kiss, and then a third and fourth, until the two of you moved into his living room to escape the breeze that had by then made your fingers cold. Fifth, sixth, seventh– and then finally, the eight kiss was one that could have meshed all of the kisses in your life into one. The first heated kiss.

           His couch became more comfortable than it was when you first came here, especially now with him beside you, cradling your face and leaving gentle kisses all along your jawline before trailing back to your lips. He’s your boyfriend now and for some reason, you don’t feel yourself doubting why that is. He is proving to you right now how much he likes you, and you try to do the same for him. Your hazy eyes are unable to stay open for too long under the pressure of his lips fluttering all over your face, and you feel loved for the first time in a long time. 

           It didn’t feel awkward to reach up with your eyes closed to try and put your fingers in his hair, even when you accidentally knocked him on the cheek instead. It didn’t feel like an alarm went off when he tugged at you to pull you over him, leaning himself back on the couch and reaching blindly for the tv remote to avoid the silence in the room save for lips smacking. 

           For the first time with another person, you felt safe and at home when his hands were roaming your body. 

           Both jackets were already off, and your cold fingers warmed up in his as he would eventually intertwine his fingers with yours as he kissed you. It didn’t feel rushed, and maybe it was just because you both were in a lazy state of peaked high, but you can almost feel every single touch be amplified. You’d be lying if you said your entire body wasn’t tingling. More silent than it has ever been between the two of you, it still feels like it’s where you should be.

           Hongjoong’s fingers in yours, his lips on yours, his tongue licking against yours, all of it is good. The sensations swam throughout your body to the point that you barely even notice that you’re turned on.

           Is it too much on the…what was it, seventh date? Is it too much on the first night of being his girlfriend after your first and eighth or thirteenth kiss? His lips are curled into this permanent little smile that tells you otherwise. He’s the one who pulled you on top of him, he’s the one who hasn’t pushed because he somehow knew you were enjoying the steamy make out session too much to let it end here.

           There’s no end goal at this moment with Hongjoong, nothing is telling you that you need to get off or get him off despite your body already tingling for it. There’s no rush with the man under you, with his moon-like eyes and messy dyed hair. He’s just as telling as he always has been, and without a word, you know that at this moment, he would take anything you give him and be perfectly content. 

“I can see you thinking, you know,” Hongjoong whispers, his fingers tightening their grip between your own. “We can just do this, I’m perfectly fine with just this.”

           You shake your head at him, squeezing his fingers and looking at him for a brief moment. Seeing him now like this, with his kissed lips and his hair just as messy as always, it hits you again that he’s yours. Not in a way that’s possessive, but like, he wants to be yours, and he wants you to be his. 

           Your eyes glance down to his lap, with his length sitting firmly between your legs and it makes your heart swell. Typically, men in this position would push you, pull you, and move you around on their arousal to try and get some sort of release but, not Hongjoong. He’s containing himself, assuring you that you don’t have to do anything more. Regardless of you sitting on his thighs, dangerously close to being able to please him this way. 

“Do you want more, though?” You ask him. 

His eyes are half-lidded and looking up at you as you speak, glancing down to your lips again as if he already misses them. You can see his answer in the silence, his grip on your hand tightening as his brain malfunctions at the very idea of you being the one to ask. He wants more for the sake of having you, but he also wants more for the sake of pleasing you. 

“Yeah?” You ask for confirmation of his silent answer, leaning down to kiss against the corner of his mouth before leaning back again. 

           He gives you a reassuring nod, his other hand snaking around your waist and pulling you closer to him, onto his hardened length with a soft mewl at you. 

“I do,” he whispers against your ear, nuzzling his nose against your neck and trying to prevent his hips from bucking up as you sit on him. “I can give you more, too.”

           The way he says it to you with a soft rasp makes your stomach do flips, almost as if he’s pleading for you to let him, it makes your entire body tingle. Never has a man made you feel this way when you’re being intimate. You suppose Hongjoong is right though, from what he said before, about how almost every date appears to be the first one with the number of new things you learn about each other.

           You don’t need to respond to him though, because almost immediately after those words you turn your face slightly to kiss his temple, and he instantly releases your hand and puts it on the other side of your waist. Practically caging you against him as he holds you in place and dips back in to kiss you. 

           Within that kiss, you can hear his need. Throaty groans as he presses his length against you. Only the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric can be heard but it’s kind of a pretty sound. His weathered sweater feels warm when you tangle your fingers into the loosened fringe along his neck like, trying to work your hips to match his within this tight hug. 

           By the time he notices that you’re moving your hips on him, his grip loosens and he pulls back from the kiss, watching you pull yourself up and planting your arms on his shoulders to actually grind against him. 

           He runs his hands up and down your waist at this point, eyes watching the way you work yourself against him with a deep and burning fondness. He appears to be in awe, a crooked smirk appearing on his softened and kissed lips.

“You know,” Hongjoong chuckles softly, closing one eye and focusing on the feeling of the dry drag against him.. “It might just be because I’m high but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good with denim practically rubbing me raw–”

           Your hips stop, and you try to ignore the fact that on any other day, those words would have absolutely ruined the mood, but for some reason, it doesn’t. You let out a breathy laugh, falling forward and laughing against his neck. The moon must be in the right position or something tonight, because everything does feel insanely good. Then again, maybe it’s just that he’s in the right position, or maybe it’s just you.

“Why would you–” You cut yourself off as you laugh, breathing in the scent of him once more before leaning back and backing off of his lap slightly. The look he gives you is nothing but fond and it kind of makes you feel more dazed than you already do. “Let's take them off then?” 

           Hongjoong gives you a polite nod, his hands releasing you but still chasing your warmth as you pull yourself off of him and wait for him to remove his pants. 

           He’s quick with it, of course, and you take it another step further to take yours off too, not looking him in the eye as you do it. Almost to hope that he doesn’t see you do it, to hope that he won’t think about it, or smile at it, or make a comment on it.

           Thankfully, he doesn’t and when you sit back on his lap, feeling his bare legs against yours and noting how fucking warm his skin is, all you can do is pretend like feeling someone else’s skin against yours is supposed to feel fleeting like this. 

           Your panties sit against his boxers now, and his warmth seeps through you so fast that you want to feel more. See more, touch more, kiss more, love more. You don’t hesitate to loop your fingers into a particularly big rip on his sweater and tug on it.

“This too?” He tilts his head, his own hand fiddling with the same rip that your fingers are intertwined with, and then looks away shyly..

All you can do is feel yourself spiraling further into the feeling of being with him. He’s got one strand of hair standing stiffly too, probably from the static of the couch rubbing against it, but it’s cute. It’s attractive, everything about him is attractive. 

His eyes continue to avoid your eyes when he lifts his sweater off of him, shivering at the cool apartment air hitting his skin all over rather than just through those rips and tears. You take note, especially when he does look at you and pulls you down into a kiss again as quickly as he can. He’s not letting you see him like this, bare from the waist up and almost from the waist down. 

The two of you must have been one soul at one point because you know what he’s doing and never have you had to be the one on the other side of this situation. Usually, you’re the one hiding when it feels overwhelming, you’re the one imagining that the person with you would be searching for imperfections. You pull back from his kiss, looking into his eyes before glancing down at his bare chest and stomach.

“You’re being shy,” You comment, leaning down to plant a kiss on his collarbone before looking back at him and tilting your head. “You’re never shy.” 

You work up the confidence in yourself now, lifting your shirt off and doing your best not to immediately mimic what he’s already done. Meaning, you don’t hide your exposed skin and instead, you try to sit proudly on top of him.

Hongjoong just watches, his lips falling slack at your bareness with a relieved sigh.

“How can I not be shy right now?” he smiles, leaning himself up this time and kissing against the plush flesh of your breast. 

           You sigh at the feeling of his lips against your chest, fingers automatically finding their way into his hair as you focus on the feeling. The emotion of it all sends you into overdrive because really? Everything about Hongjoong is loud, and you’re making him shy?

           The goosebumps continuously rise and fall as he works his lips across one breast to the other, up until his fingers are pushing the fabric of your bra to the side. He pulls back momentarily to look at them, eyes darting from one nipple to the other before looking up at your face. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.” Hongjoong admits, dipping in and flicking one of your nipples with his tongue. 

“Oh?” You ask, officially grinding your hips again on his lap, feeling his cock twitch in his boxers. The drag feels lighter now that there’s not much fabric preventing the feeling. “For how long?”

“Third date,” he admits, trailing back to the other breast and sucking just next to your nipple, his other hand easily stimulating the one he just neglected. “Didn’t want to rush with you though, I’m always rushing.”

           You hum at his words, feeling special. All he makes you feel is special. And when he finally releases your chest from his mouth and falls back against the couch, even the way he looks at you confirms that your feelings about this aren’t unfounded. 

           You put more effort into your hips now, your mind spinning by this point at the way his touches are gentle. His chest rises and falls with each perfect drag up his length, small mewls of pleasure spilling from his lips every few seconds. Still, he just looks at you. 

           There’s really no rush here and the scary part about it is that you’re already so worked up that you wouldn’t mind a bit of rushing by this point.

           More and more you move your hips, and more and more Hongjoong appears to lose his composure. His hands gripping at you, his eyes unable to stay on one part of your body for too long, his teeth showing as he bites his lip just to compose himself from making the next step– and then–

           There it is. There he is, lunging forward and grabbing you, pulling you so close to him that your core is now seated directly on the head of his leaking cock. He moans at the pressure, kissing against your lips with so much passion that you wonder if he know’s how hot that was. 

           He’s lost in the moment and you can’t help but love it. With the way one of his hands holds your cheek as he kisses you and the other finds itself against your ass to push and pull you on his lap. At this point, you wonder if he could get off this way. With the way he’s acting, you think he could. Easily.

“Hongjoong,” You manage to gasp during the short breath between his frantic kiss. “We can–” 

           You’re cut off by him kissing you again, his hand guiding you down and forward on his length in a way that tells you he’s listening. He’s imagining what you’re about to say. 

“We can,” He groans in an answer to your unfinished question, taking in a deep breath when he pulls back from the kiss and looking down to see the head of his cock occasionally peeking from the waistband of his boxers. “Just tell me what you want.”

           Words escape you in that moment, so you use your body instead. Scooting back and almost taking the boxers with you you see a glimpse of his length. Heavy, leaking, twitching at the loss of your weight against it. You stare, wanting to devour this man whole at that moment but you hold back. You can give him head another time, honestly. After spending so long making out, grinding, and him playing with your breasts? You’re kind of ready to rush. Even just for a moment. 

           He watches your hands as they lower the boxers further, pulling them down until you can tuck them under your thighs to hold them in place. There, you just look at his cock and he just looks at you. 

           After a few seconds, you glance at him with shy eyes, blinking in a way to try and hide your blatant lust for what’s between his legs. He might believe that seeing you look at him this way is the best thing he’s ever experienced. His cock twitches unintentionally when he notices your blown pupils, especially when his eyes trail down. Now that the seat of your panties isn’t grinding against him, he can see a glimpse of the darkened wet spot.

           Now what to do? The two of you sitting here, horny out of your goddamn mind and the weed on top of it amplifying every touch, you can imagine that you both look like a pair of deer in headlights. 

           Hongjoong finishes what you started though, running his hand down your sides before grabbing himself and gently pumping once. You watch as he gathers the dripping pre-cum in his palm before smoothing it down his entire length while his eyes never leave the spot between your legs. Then he continues that, touching himself as you’re on him as if to tell you that he can finish himself off so you don’t have to. 

           Without really thinking, you find your own hand doing the same, sliding down your panties and the instant your fingers bump against your clit, you jolt and find yourself letting out a soft and pained moan at the sensitivity. 

“That–” Hongjoong takes in a sharp breath at the sound, squeezing the base of his cock with his hand and closing his eyes. “sounded so fucking pretty.”

           It wasn’t intentional and for a brief moment, you felt embarrassed by the sound. Once again though, Hongjoong pulls that confidence out of you like it’s what he was born to do. At this point though, your legs feel like jelly after being spread on top of him for so long and you think he can tell. 

“Mm, let’s move,” He comments, releasing his cock and tapping you with the other hand to stand up. “Lay back, I'll do the rest.”

           He gently instructs you, grabbing a pillow and placing it at the end of the couch for your head to lay against. You do so without question, both your legs and heart are weak at seeing him like this. 

“There, better?” He asks after you lay back. He leans over your side after a short nod from you and leaves a gentle kiss against your lips before placing his hand against your thigh. “Can I take these off?” 

           You nod, feeling him slip your panties down your legs before you watch him shimmy off his own boxers. 

           There, there it is. Both of you are entirely vulnerable to each other for the first time and you don’t feel a hint of wanting to stop. Not a worry, doubt, or insecurity can or will stop you at this moment. 

           He doesn’t let his eyes linger for too long at your exposed core just yet and instead he opts to place himself between your legs before leaning down and kissing you much like before. He can’t get enough of your lips if he’s being honest though. 

           You can feel the weight of his cock resting between your thigh and pussy and it does nothing more than make you want it more. You want him so bad by this point that you can’t really question how dumb you could sound actually asking for it. 

“Can you, like–” Your words are lost on you when he pulls back with a small smile and a curious look.

“Do you want to?” He asks, despite knowing this is where the situation was headed.

           You give a shy nod, reaching your hand down between the two of you and gripping him yourself for the first time. 

           He lets out a shaky breath with a laugh, humping his hips forward and into your hand intentionally when he does it. 

“Fuck,” He seethes out. “Yeah, okay.” He sighs this time, without shame still fucking himself into your hand and showing a desperate need for what you’re asking for. 

           You can’t help but get lost in it. Your hand guided his cock down and against your clit for a brief moment of sensitive relief before releasing a breath that you didn’t even know you were holding when you position him at your entrance. 

           He pushes in without holding back, but he’s slow with it. The head of his cock sank into the warm and clenched walls causing a pleasant stretch. Both of you let out a moan at this, feeling him push in slowly, continuously, until he’s bottomed out and nuzzling against your ear. 

“Sound so pretty when you moan,” he babbles against your ear, leaving wet and warm condensation from his breath there. “You could drive me insane like this.”

           You moan again, not entirely for his pleasure but simply because it feels so good. His cock pulsing inside of you when you clench around him, his soft voice in your ear. Sensory overload has never felt so fucking euphoric to you. 

“Like that, yeah.” Hongjoong rasps out this time, pulling his head back in time with his hips. Almost emptying you entirely before pushing back in with that same languid drag of his hips. His eyes are on you now though, arms at either side of your head as he works up a lazy kind of rhythm. One that offers a deep thrust each time. 

           You can’t help the sounds that fall from your lips, and you can’t help that your pussy is throbbing around him, and certainly, you can’t help that the feeling of one of his hands moving to your chest before dipping his head down and sucking against it makes you moan out a bit louder. 

           With each moan, he almost mimics you with his own. He’s riding off of the pleasure he’s giving to you. Then again, he’s always been fond of pretty sounds. Music is his passion but hearing you make such delicate sounds for him makes his head spin in all sorts of directions. 

           His thrusts become more pointed after a few minutes, fucking into you at a pace that feels equally as deep but more powerful now. Your hands grip at anything you can get ahold of, meaning, you grip him. His arms, his back, and then finally you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down.

           His hips stutter at that before he grabs one of your legs and hikes it up and around his waist. This allows him to position himself slightly differently, fucking into you at an angle as his lips immediately fall to yours with a breathy laugh. 

           You can’t kiss him back this time though, with the new angle he’s driving into you causing his cock to bump repeatedly against a soft spot inside of you. Your mouth is left slack, releasing empty moans against his attempts to kiss you.

           He takes intense note of it, keeping up his pace and falling in love with the way you react to this angle. His hands find purchase above your head and he leans back to watch you as he fucks into you. 

“God,” He says slightly out of breath, dipping in briefly to kiss you on the forehead. “I’m going to come in about five seconds if you keep doing this.”

           Your eyes roll back slightly at his words and instantly you’re shoving your hand between the two of you to push yourself over the edge. He swats your hand away though, still fucking into you all while intertwining his fingers with yours and using his other hand to do the work for you. 

“Fuck, I can’t get enough of you,” He says, rubbing his fingers in harsh circles around your sensitive clit. “Let me take care of you,” he adds in a huff, his hips becoming more frantic each time he feels your pussy tense around him. 

           Just like that, you’re releasing in waves with trembling legs. To the point that you throw your other leg around his waist and essentially push him into you with such force that he can’t even thrust anymore. You hold him there, riding out your high and struggling to comprehend the fact that this man isn’t always attached to you like this. 

           He lays there, his head forced into the crook of your neck as he feels you come around him, clenching him so tightly that he can’t really help it either. Your warm and wet pussy is absolutely soaking him and all he can do is let it. All he can do is feel it, to the point that he’s driven over the edge too. 

           Even when you release your death grip hug, he stays in place, nuzzling further against your neck with choked moans and tight presses of his hips. He’s trying to drive his cock deeper than it can go as he releases it, the feeling too good for him to think straight. You run your fingers through his hair as he does it, trailing your fingernails down to his neck and across his back. 

           You can feel the goosebumps on his skin under your fingers, and when his body finally goes limp on top of you, all you can do is continue that motion. Scratching, rubbing, soothing him through both of your post-orgasm brain fog. 

 ~

             Becoming Hongjoong’s girlfriend was something that should have been expected if you’re being honest. It should be a normal relationship, with normal arguments, and normal sex. Except it’s not. 

           The relationship is anything but normal but you’d like to say you prefer it this way. With the late night dates to empty parking lots just to be outside of your own spaces, the gas station runs where the two of you need to buy every snack known to man to satiate your munchies. The repeat tv shows playing on his television because you never quite catch what happened in episode six despite watching in four times. To be fair, episode six always comes on when you’re almost entirely wrapped up with your boyfriend. 

His hands are always stained with hair dye because he can’t be bothered to wear gloves, your hands are stained with hair dye too because you can’t not run your fingers through it when he’s between your legs. He’s always adding color to your life, be it literally or emotionally.

           There’s something strange about the way he balances you. In public with him, all attention is on his ripped clothes and shining piercings and a quirk of the brow always comes when they see you holding his hand. 

You kind of like the attention these days though. 

[sendmyresignation]

if you wanna indulge me, id love to hear your opinions on sing (all of mine are detractory which i know isnt the complete view of the song)

omg id love too!! sorry this took me a sec to formulate post-work haha. i know we don't agree about sing but honestly that's the beauty of music opinions- I feel like it becomes easier to define what I like about things when faced with legit measured criticism anyway

for me, i want to start with the structure and instrumental since it's usually not mentioned (most of the criticisms of sing are exclusively lyrical or intention-focused). it's so cool. and evocative. and full of tension!! my favorite use of synth on danger days, plus the keys and the drums (man i love the dd studio musician drums lmao), really emphasizes sing as a suspended moment both in the album (necessary bridge, tonally, between bulletproof and planetary imo) and in the track itself- its alllll building up to that bridge and final chorus. but there's all these little pieces- the backing vocals, there's so many hidden guitar parts that riff just under all the noise, that opening like, tambourine. sorry for not having a quote on hand but Ray's said he really loved writing sing and it's so totally obvious to me. especially live- part of the reason I was soooooo excited for sing swarm tour edition is that even during dd ray was like absolutely shredding for sing after the bridge. and everytime time it's so good. part of the reason the lyrics don't bother me is sing could stand alone instrumentally and I'd still want to listen to it. (sing also reminds me of Ray's solo music- the sentiment is more significant that the lyrics and the music is itself a vehicle for storytelling)

also though, i think there's a lot of intention with sing (it's up to the listener to determine if that paid off obv) but within the context of dd the record as a pirate radio station, sing has always read as a trojan horse song. making it a single too, like once a song takes on a life of its own outside the record there's new meaning and circumstance. so both within and outside the killjoy universe sing is a vehicle for not just the bridge but the overall sentiment of dd (how fucking excited was gerard when glenn beck took the glee bait) like, yes, i do agree they could've benefited from another pass over the lyrics (i will always defend keeping "sing it till your nuts" bc its sounds like sing it to your nuts though) but I don't personally get the criticism that sing isn't "specific enough" about what exactly it's against or is too optimistic about "sing it for the world"-- i think there are songs on the album (notably planetary right after it!) which do that job just fine. dd is gerard in arguably top lyrical form so theres a lot of meat in the rest of the record like. sing it for the world is a purposely simplistic art is the weapon. like those are the same sentiments rendered very differently!

also like. i do think there was a very directed target at the younger part of their fan base here (girl/boy) which is sweet. to me. like i did hear sing first when i was a young teen (one of the few dd songs i was familiar with) and it did feel huge and empowering at that moment. my chem are their best when they are navigating the dualities of their specific fame, which includes simultaneously making very serious, adult rock music which is concerned with violence death grief and sex, as well as being a role model for younger people and taking them seriously and neither of these are in rhetorical conflict with each other. so like whatever sing is a little juvenile. but it's still filled with passion! taken as a legitimate project with a creative instrumental and a narratively-driven music video. I like that aspect, it works for me. I'll never call it my favorite my chem song but its certainly not the worst when you add in the bridge (i wanted to prove my point without the bridge but like. damn!! it's a good bridge!!!). that's my spiel.

[cloudysonder]

On "Daddy Issues"

Ok, I know I'm a bit late to the game here, but I was gathering my thoughts after experiencing episode 5 and 6

Let me preface this with the fact that I am a Hazbin Hotel fan; it's cringe and it's not the best writing in the world, but I love the characters and the concept and the art. I know a lot of people disagree and completely despise it and hey, you do you, but this is a silly little thing I enjoy and think is fun

but oof. episode 5 and 6 were rough, execution-wise. Also worth mentioning that episode 5 followed on the heels of episode 4, which was dealing with a lot of heavy topics and gave Angel a lot of character development very quickly and had a wonderful song and a budding relationship between Husk and Angel that was fantastic, so to get a confusing and overwhelming yet completely inefficient episode (ep 5) and then an episode with SO MUCH HAPPENING that it absolutely bowled you over with plot points and world building that weren't given a single second to breathe was really disappointing. I'll put the meat under a read more, but that's the thesis

this post is just gonna be on episode 5, and I'll make another one on episode 6 bc christ almighty both of them are gonna be long

Episode 5 was something I was really looking forward to-- Of the main cast, Charlie and Vaggie seemed the least intriguing to me (oh, did I say "seemed" past tense? haha! they still most definitely are the least interesting!), and I wanted to see how they would introduce something they've been building up to for a while: Charlie's famed "Daddy issues"!

Turns out, instead of actually keeping it as a point of intrigue for Charlie's character and using it as a point of tension to show that hey, Charlie isn't actually a perfect person, and she's also in pain with the rest of the sinners because her own family relationships are falling apart, they solve it in a single episode. That's right! The long-awaited, complicated, divorced parent and child relationship that twisted Charlie into a validation seeking, people pleasing princess that "wants to fix other people so she doesn't have to deal with her own daddy issues" (quote by Husk) is solved with a charming performance by Jeremy Jordan and a song!

Look, it's no secret I'm a huge fan of Loser, Baby-- I clearly have no qualms with storytelling through song. But you cannot song-plain this one away. We've established over 4 episodes that Charlie and her father have kept in minimal contact for seven years. That's a Long time (don't go trying to be like, oh time to charlie works differently, bc that shit's not established, and everyone in the show still treats seven years like a long time). We know that the last time they called each other was 5 months ago.

"More than Anything," solves basically everything by making the following points

Charlie was inspired by her Dad's dreaming

Lucifer was ashamed of his failures and hid away from her

Lucifer does, however, want so so deeply to know Charlie

Charlie wants to know Lucifer

They love each other <3

these are fine endgame points. Dare I say... good endgame points to arrive at?? But you can't stuff ALL these revelations into a single song and call it a finished relationship arc when they haven't spoken for real in 7 YEARS. Also, making Lucifer so goofy and silly and fun and charming is Not helping the establishment of his character as a self-hating former dreamer who doesn't want his daughter to make the same mistakes he did. It just turns him to tumblr sexyman cute quirky sympathetic never did anything wrong and loves his daughter, completely downplaying his absentee parenting.

You can't have him turn from "I do not care about your life. I do not care about your project. I will not ask about your passions and your dreams. I am already ashamed of my own." to "ur so right bestie!!! dreaming is so slay mama!!! I love you so much you're my little baby girl I love you so much, you're right and I will support you!!!" in the course of a single episode without like.... at least 3 real, in depth conversations happening. The song is beautiful, but you can't poetry your way out of an actual relationship arc.

BUT! But, but but! The fault does not lie completely with Lucifer, but also with Charlie. girl just forgave him??? For everything????? Despite having been so scared to call him at the beginning of the episode? It's very unrealistic for a kid to just accept that a parent loves them apparently so so deeply when they've never seen proof of it in the last idk just spitballing a number here SEVEN YEARS. If you want to make the crux of a failed parent-child relationship miscommunication, you're gonna have to get into the ugly--- the grieving of what you could've had earlier, the wondering why you didn't reach out earlier, the anger at why they've suddenly changed now--- and you're gonna have to explain why the miscommunication went on so long.

sometimes, if you have a pair of completely uncommunicative people, seven years may be reasonable. But Charlie is open about her passions! She's public! She constantly reads about "The Story of Hell" and paints Lucifer in a positive light! And Lucifer is quick to reciprocate any interest Charlie shows in him! He's quick to offer help, to spoil Charlie and show love! (Lucifer's points are two points that make SEVEN YEARS of MINIMAL CONTACT and MISCOMMUNICATION make ZERO SENSE).

additionally, Charlie's lowkey only point of intrigue that was set up (her relationship to Lucifer, the King of Hell) is now just... kapoot. solved. pish posh. now she's a done character.

THEN EXPLAIN WHY I STILL DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER???? I haven't seen her actually struggle in a way that's not played off as a bit, we don't get a real charlie breakdown monologue, there are no stakes for me as a hazbin hotel viewer to want everything to go well for charlie besides my acab rad leftist ass being like redemption and forgiveness is good and ultimately benefits society

she's fun, she's bubbly, she's kind! but those are all basic things we knew from minute 1 she was on screen. I need to see her struggle. For a main character, she sure as hell doesn't feel main. And I expected better female characters from female writers (feat. in my next post, Vaggie????? What the hell?).

goodnight new york city, you've been great!

[borzoilover69]

I know that you've already kinda figured out why dirkjakers like LE jake but I want to offer a more mundane reason and that is the absolute power fantasy that this man offers. I hate epilogues with a passion that could burn universes but ult dirk? My bpd ass was in shambles (that's why I'll someday make an essay on why dirk strider homestuck has bpd and/or npd), having control over people, over narrative itself, and most importantly fucking desimating your ex who called you clingy that one time while simultaneously still being obsessed with him, I've never lived vicariously through a character so much in my life. He is a horrible person but I Get him. "What would you do with this power" he asked the audience, and I solemnly nodded bc I would do the same thing (probably). And I suspect power fantasy LE jake offers is the same for some people bc don't you want to go apeshit? Don't you want to stop (not very successfully) conforming and be weird and off-putting freely? Don't YOU want to desimate YOUR ex? Both ult dirk and ult jake are what audience wants them to be and I think the audience wants them to be powerful, insane and murderous bc we ourselves cannot be like that irl. Their relationship is cathartic, their actions are cathartic, it's like religion if you relate to the god from old testament. Or I'm projecting big time which is also a possibility

Everyone take notes because this anon is speaking cold true facts and this shit is getting carved into the walls. I agree with the Dirk Strider has BPD headcanon, I offer up to you the Jake has BPD too headcanon in return.

I like the idea of Jake going batshit insane. I think a lot of people do, after all if the ancestors were anything to go off of, Jake and Dirk are pretty nuts.

Also fun sort of related fact, really fond of Ultimate Jake, it's because it plays into the mythos of their Demiurges / Denizens and how important that is to their stories. (I'm getting autistic here). Yaldaboath (Dirks Denizen, Destroyer of Peace) is considered a false god, harbinger of chaos, and uses the light he inherits from his mother, Sophia (personification of light and wisdom) to try to rise above others, even if he is blind and is not as aware of the aeons as his mother is.

Jesus destroyed Yaldaboaths kingdom and thus, Yaldaboath had him crucified, made a martyr. But before his martyrdom could set in, Jesus ascended and returned to the world. In Gnosticism, they viewed Yaldaboath as evil, and that Jesus had to overcome him "by destroying the Jewish Temple with an Earthquake lifting the veil or Yaldabaoth’s curtain of illusion, by Jesus’ resurrection and rapture. "

Now, who do we have quite literally representing Jesus Christ himself? Okay, you're going to say Karkat, but do you know who *specifically* represents the place where Christ himself died and was made a martyr and the rapt- OK ITS JAKE ENGLISH OKAY ITS JAKE ENGLISH. And the sufferer BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT.

There's quite a few parallels with Yaldaboath being one that wanted to be recognised as a god and in his jealous fury condemned a mortal god and Dirk Strider. There's quite a few parallels between Jesus Christ, Karkat, and Jake English, his rapture and ascension. There's an INSANE amount of parallels between Yaldaboath's mother, Sophia, and Rose Lalonde. Even down to Rose going grimdark, which Sophia DOES, after she loses her light, which is something i'll go on about in another ramble. Thematically, if we're following gnosticism, Jesus Christ, aka Jake English, is the one able to recognise and overcome Yaldaboaths illusion, aka Dirk Strider. It just makes SENSE.

[ravenbloodshot]

Wealthiest Members of Exo 💰💲

Ranking from most wealthy to least:

Baekhyun

Kai

Suho

Xiumin

The last five will rest here (none of them are in good places financially rn)

From what I'm getting, none of these members are particularly "wealthy" most of them I would say are "comfortable". But calling them wealthy would be like comparing Bill Gates' wealth to a homeless persons (not saying they're homeless btw)

Baekhyun- He seems to be the most stable financially to the point that he seems quite unamused with his life. He's really bored. It's like the energy of a person that has all of their bills paid with a nice amount of money sitting in the bank and now is just looking around at what to do next

Kai- His finances is giving me the energy of a person walking away from the gambling table, not exactly empty handed but he doesn't have a pocket full of gold either. It could be that while being in the military he doesn't have much access to his money or gaining any wealth. I'm also seeing some betrayal here, so I'm not sure if he put someone in charge of his money but they could be screwing him over

Suho- I think he bought something quite big recently (like a house/apartment/building etc...) and in terms of his net worth he's sitting pretty high up but when it comes to liquid assets (physical money one has access to) he doesn't have much. It's probably bc of this purchase. I'm also seeing a possible new project, so overall he's invested his money into something so rn he has none, but there is a possibility as time goes by that he would get a return on his investment

D.O- Rn he's fighting to get more acting roles and gigs. I think he wants a specific role that's costing him time and money since he's wasting time waiting to get this role and arguing with ppl over it. When he could be using this time to make money doing other things instead of obsessing over a role he probably won't get. This energy is also giving arguments with the company SM and his manager as well

Xiumin- I don't think he's making any money doing anything besides being an idol. Maybe he has small gigs here and there but they're few and far between. Good thing is that he has the drive and motivation to up his finances (unlike some of his other members, I'll get to them soon)

Chanyeol- He has no passion rn to work or any motivation to make money so his money isn't growing. He could be completely over being an idol and would rather spend his days hanging out with friends (lowkey living the slum life, no shade lol). The energy feels like he's housing a bunch of his boys and they're all just drinking and smoking all day while jamming to music.

Sehun- I don't know if these guys have a contract renewal coming up but it seems like he's waiting to get out of his contract. If it's not with SM , it's with another gig he worked for. It's like he doesn't want the responsibilities of some type of job anymore (I'm not sure if it's his idol job or something else). He's quite over it and he also isn't feeling up to working rn so his money is suffering for that

Chen- He's spending more than he's making. I think he's finding it hard to focus on work these days, I see his wife and possibly his children (but more so his wife) taking up a lot of his time and money. The wife could overspend but he also could too, like buying the kids random things they don't need. But I also see his health isn't the best, he's not taking care of himself properly.

Lay- I don't know what's going on but it's like his putting in a lot of work and putting in the time but he's not really seeing a lot of money for it. Whatever he's doing these days for money seems like dead end jobs that won't really get him anywhere financially but leaves him feeling burnt out. Also, he's spending a lot of money on a romantic relationship, buying them gifts and possibly funding his lovers life style. It's like hes taking his girl on a bunch of shopping sprees that he lowkey can't afford. And it's not that he's broke but it's just that it takes A LOT OF WORK and hustling on his part to make money so he can't recklessly spend like he has.

[literaphobe]

hmmm is there any specific analysis of tvl youve been dying to share but havent been asked about yet?

ok. there’s a lot. but some I don’t want to do right now for SPOILERY REASONS. some of them are as follows:

- the fundamental misunderstanding that passively occurred between tvl ladynoir for most of tvl

- the way tvl chat noir ‘tests’ ladybug throughout the story and why he does what he does and why he behaves in seemingly ‘bizarre’ ways

- a lot of the others r um. I can’t even share the topic regarding it bc you guys haven’t gotten to whatever chapter it’s linked to yet (feel free to ask any questions tho! be it now or after future chapters. that’s usually what awakens the intense TED talks I give about tvl to myself in my head)

right now tho? I want to pick apart tvl adrien being an actor and why that is and why that’s sad and how it came to be

-> like with many parts of tvl! adrien being an actor is sort of thrust upon readers. it’s a story that places a Huge gap between canon and the tvl timeline, and some details can be inferred, but loads of stuff aren’t things a reader can know for sure

-> also, due to the set up of the story, most of the tiny teased bits of info regarding tvl Adrien’s life leading up to and At 23, is largely fed to readers by tvl marinette, and not tvl adrichat himself, despite most of the story being his pov. but the scenes he is allotted are largely those where he Interacts with ladybug, and when he is with her, he doesn’t think of much else, unless it’s specifically relevant (like the love marks conundrum)

-> he just doesn’t unpack his past in his thoughts very much. however much it pains him. because it’s not something he’d prefer to unpack is how ladybug is making him feel and how he feels about her bc she’s Right There and she has this Hold on his heart that he can’t help but fixate over

-> but what you can tell is that he doesn’t really want to be doing his job… rather he sees it as a means to an end. and also an inevitability in a sense 😔 very. You Can Take The Man Outta The City Not The City Out The Man core. it’s. the ones who abuse us can leave but the effects of that abuse aren’t as easy to shake. it’s also. sometimes we wind up doing what we ran away from but we pat ourselves on the back saying it’s different bc we chose it, or it’s not the same because we wound up in a hole two steps away from what we were originally doing and that’s a different hole so it’s okay maybe!. its. was this too hard to break away from? or was it just too easy to go back to because its all we were ever taught?

-> because imagine ur tvl adrien in uni and your friends have always had passions for things that are vaguely related to industries that you suffered in as a kid. your best friend wants to be a dj but he also loves directing and talks so passionately about his favorite films and DREAMS of making One Of The Greats one day. his gf who is also one of your best friends is into journalism and your ex gf who is also one of your best friends loves designing and fashion. and you used to be a model but don’t want to be a model anymore. u make some small movies to help your best friend with his projects for film classes. they’re so fun! you love how it brings you and your friends together. your ex who you never really got over helps make costumes, shyly puts makeup on you, your best friend’s gf promotes it on her massively successful blog. the public mostly cares about it because you were in it and you’re the kind of famous that doesn’t ever go away. you WISH it would go away. but then you try to see the bright side of it. your best friend is so happy people like his short film. he gets an A for the class. you accidentally get another friend even MORE heavily considered for the job she’s been talking about non stop all week because you mentioned knowing her. you get pressured into doing a film because they say they’ll give your best friend an important role on the crew. little by little it all builds up and this is just your career now

-> but you find little ways to take control. you realize you get to decide who works with you and for you and you see your Good Best Friend Ex who just started complaining about how little the internship she’s doing pays. you think you could take away her pain so easily. and it makes it all less painful for you. it’s such an even trade. but then your Partner Against Magic Crime starts taking up more of your time and you realize you WANT all the time that you can get, and having Something To Do In The Day becomes an absolute chore again, and maybe you don’t care how happy it could make the public and how Excited your fans will be

-> this manifests in all the little asides you see in tvl where he Suggests quitting his job all the time and Thinks about it a lot

-> At the same time. who doesn’t wanna quit their job. he’s just a little guy. surely he’s worked enough for several lifetimes

[tomwaterbabies]

I hope the surgery went well and recovery goes smoothly!!! You asked for asks and I saw you have some robo Varian art that's been eating my brain for a few days now. I guess not technically a question but I'd love to hear more about that au if you wanna ramble 👉👈

HEYYY thank you so much! it went really well and the pain is super minimal rn, i can even sit up on my desk! which was recommended by my surgeon to do anyway so thats rad

ANYWAYSSSSS... THANK YOU for the kind words im so glad you like it!! and THANK YOU for reminding me of the fact i never posted about my robot au like i had meant to 💀

here it is NOW (and to anyone who hasnt seen the art here it be)

this is long as hell btw. so sorry

SO. setting i imagine is similar to typical vat7k BUT a little darker and more dystopian. think steampunk industrial stuff... which i know hugo's kingdom is already like lol but just imagine it like. in a lot more places. this is basically a "steampunk" au too

robots are VERY common. invented by a group of scientists with the main ones being donella and ulla

robots are used as service etc etc. theyre not sentient at all so this isnt like. some unethical practice

but ulla and donella are OBSESSED with making them more and more advanced, theyre besties and all that. but ulla is Particularly obsessed with making the Perfect Robot

we know that ulla is kind of messed up in the head. in this au she kind of messes way too much with robot sentience WHILE ALSO getting obsessed with the eternal library. same stuff happens eventually. donella and ulla fight about the eternal library etc etc

BUT ALSO... ulla is working on her Magnum Opus. a son for her and her husband, who she is making to be the perfect robot. quirin is unaware of the shit shes doing and fully trusts her and supports this passion project

and well! she does make the first Sentient Robot. with the use of science and Magical Knowledge she was able to basically give life force through magical means into the robot. The robot of course she named varian. and not only is he sentient, but he looks completely human

she did some messed up stuff tho! again! she's programmed him with fake memories so he thinks he has lived a life fully as a human. he's also programmed to not notice things like the small seams on his body and all that. like his code just immediately disregards all that

anywaysss. after ulla disappears, quirin is dedicated to taking care of varian. he figures it's best to follow with ulla's choice of making sure varian doesnt know hes a robot

MEANWHILE ! because of the schism between ulla and donella, there was some wack shit that happened. namely robots going completely crazy. now all robots are Murder Robots. so the world is pretty Dystopian at the moment

Varian decides he wants to go out and find the source of what made the robots go crazy. bc this sucks lol. like everyone is Just Miserable

so he meets his friends. nuru, yong, hugo!

LETS TALK ABOUT HUGO

hugo works for donella. hugo also absolutely HATES robots. the robots have been messing shit up since he was a kiddo

he's kind of like a robot hunter. harvesting them for parts as well as getting rid of them bc theyre dangerous. usually donella directs him to different missions. and now shes telling him to join this guy (varian) bc she wants the secrets that ulla had hidden and varian is sure as hell after them

sooooo at one point. varian gets hurt maybe, or interacts with something that breaks the code in him or whatever. the code that stops him from noticing his robotic qualities. i think he probably would get super injured and like. he and all his friends stare in shock and horror as some sort of gash or sparks or whatever show a metallic inside

they all find out he's a robot together weeeee. no one is having a good time

so he's living with existential crisis. he's away from his dad so he cant travel all the way back to be like hey What The Fuck. AND he's still dedicated to his goal. but now he's just. confused, scared, and unsure if he's worthy of his humanity that he thought he had

they all try to work with this new discovery (which i think would happen earlier on rather than way later). hugo especially is like. having a crisis. bc he's always hated robots and for good reason. but varian... varian is SO human. he thinks, he feels, he cares, etc. he's more Human than a lot of the Flesh and Blood people he's been around

so you know, hugo starts to fall in love with him anyway. lots of excellent scenes of him helping varian with his mechanics, etc

and of course varian starts falling in love with him too, but is dealing with a lot of confusion as well. like is he even real, doesnt hugo deserve to be loved by a Human and not a Robot, etc etc

ok jesus christ. i think thats all the main stuff. woaghghg

[n--n]

One last touchstarved theory thingy bc I’ve almost purged my brief obsession!! It’s mentioned by both Leander and Vere that the one running the Senobium- and thus its shady policies- is someone called The Abbess. An Abbess is a nun in charge of the nunnery, so I can only assume she is gonna have some sort of religious symbolism related to her like Kuras and Mhin do. Unfortunately the literal one-sentence blink and you’ll miss it lines are all we have to go off for her, but I’m excited to see what she’s really like in game! (From the attitude both Vere and Leander have in those one-off lines, it’s clear she’s almost certainly a villain).

Some misc, tinfoil-hat theories:

- Elyon, as a powerful noble, likely works with but opposes the Abbess. He owns most of the brothels in Lowtown apparently so he has incentive to keep the divide between hightown and lowtown, but as someone with power he probably chafes at the control the Senobium has over hightown

- Sen, from her one-sentence descriptor, is a revived warden seeking her own death. Almost certainly one of the Senobium’s experiments, not sure what a warden in the context of the touchstarved universe is but probably a Fancy Jailer for the Senobium like the word usually implies. Maybe the experiments left her with such a painful condition she’d rather die? Or it could be more supernatural, in that she can not Rest until her unfinished business in Eridia is Taken Care Of.

-The Abbess could be the one that initiated the changes at the Senobium in the first place a generation ago, since immortality is confirmed to exist in-universe (see Vere being chained “Centuries Ago”)

-I think Leander is meant as the sort of “starter LI”, since the demo and supplementary info give us the most info about him while at the same time holding back just enough as to be intriguing (see: the countless Leander-specific theory posts that started this post lmao) I imagine his route will tell us the most about lowtown, fogfall and Eridia at large, whereas Vere/Mhin/Kuras will tell us most about the Senobium, and Ais will tell us most about the overall world, magic (fogfall again), monsters (like the soulless), and of course Ais’s boss/“friend” Ocudeus and the Seaspring

Other thots:

- I’m most excited for Leander’s route for obvious reasons (hot + will get to meat of story + I want to see What’s Really Wrong With Him so bad) but also know that will make me more disappointed if he turns out to be Just Some Asshole. I want him to be a monster bc he commits atrocities like the rest of them, not because he’s a reminder of the shittier guys I’ve met. That being said I know I’ll probably still really like the character if they do go that route, since the overall writing from the demo is super engaging and solid in quality- which bodes well for the final product

-Speaking of writing, I’m loving that different backstories actually have weight in the narrative. I love when the player is actually rewarded with info for making a choice, instead of it just being one or two flavor text things. Choosing different backstories affects your red dialogue options (the romance-y choices) and gives you different attitudes towards events in the story, making replay ability high

-I’m worried by how successful the kickstarter is since I Have Been Burned last times I backed videogame Kickstarters (Blue Omen Operation, Homestuck Game) 😭 The team seems experienced and competent, since most seem to have come from Nix Hydra/other successful otome games that got killed by poor management. But like, still really worries me since it’s their first game and all. The demo was so good but so was Blue Omen Operations and look where that landed me ($15 less in my pocket from backing years ago 🥲)

-On a lighter note, this game is clearly a passion project and I’ve loved what I’ve seen so far- if I have enough money to spare before the Kickstarter is over, maybe I’ll get it just to support the devs

-getting so obsessed w the demo even if only for a week or so has reminded me Oh Yeah, I Forgot I Love Gothic Horror. If by some miracle you’re still reading this drop a recommendation pls

[quibbs]

I really wanted to just say how amazing STBU is. It’s been one of my favorite webcomics ever for a few years now and it’s always so fun waking up to a new update on Wednesdays. Your art is so fun and expressive and the characters are all so fun to spend time with in the story and I just wanted to express how wonderful it is !!! Every update is a treat and your passion and the effort you put into it shines through so so much. I hope you are having a lovely day!!!

thank you so much T_T i've been getting a few asks like this lately about stbu and I really do appreciate it. It's so nice to hear how others enjoy and engage with it because I think my perspective on it can get pretty lost bc of how tunnel visioned I am on the project.

like there is a massive and strange gap between me writing and drawing this at 19 to me still writing and drawing this at 26; yet it's just all completely encased throughout one piece of art. I just keep becoming a new person all the time throughout writing it in a way that's really difficult to tell is enjoyable to other people or is at least like, cohesive. there's like 6 years worth of tess corpses in there encased in one giant block of cartoonish amber. it is a story about ghosts that is, ironically, chock full of ghosts of who i used to be and have yet to used to be. i feel super normal about it

i really do love it though! dunno why God gave me all this passion but it sure does keep me chugging. Even if this project does end up being a massive consuming vortex of my own archived pscyhe that I am just like, chucking time into, I'm happy that I'm making it and that others can get a kick out of it as well. lol!

[chirpsythismorning]

I just wanna talk about this quick and then I’ll shut up forever.

I HATE byler kiss manips (not talking about fan-art, I’m talking about photoshopped byler edits using milkvan scenes). I hate them with a burning passion. The only exception to this would be when bylers use them as a response to homophobic anon asks... now that’s funny. But that’s it 🤣

Like I get it. It’s mostly all a big joke, but it’s just cringy to me..? And weird?? Why can’t we wait for the real thing???

AND YET! AND YET!… Even though I’m kind of contradicting myself by making this post in the first place, I honestly don’t see much value in confronting fans who do this or staging a whole call out about how it makes me personally feel uncomfortable for reasons x y z.

Because that’s just me. I’m sure there are some fans who agree with me and I’m sure there are plenty who don’t. But still, I don’t see the point in policing anyone that disagrees with me on this, to make them feel bad for engaging in fandom differently than me, to make a big spectacle about how it upsets me, bc the reality is, nuance exists!!!

While there are some people out there with horrible, even offensive or concerning takes, not every single disagreement of opinion needs to be put on blast as if that person is bad for whatever point they’re trying to make. Because now suddenly everyone is giving their two cents, clogging the tag to the point where no one can escape it. Now we’re all uncomfortable. Who is that helping?? No one!

So if you’re like me and there’s certain things that make you uncomfortable, no matter how small or even major, BLOCK.

Maybe you are just like me and you give someone a few chances, only to finally block them after one too many posts that are just 😬

Or maybe you block right away the moment you see something you didn’t want to and don’t want to risk seeing again.

I just hate this tendency fandoms (it’s all fandoms, not just st or byler) have to attribute one or even a couple hundreds of fans opinions, to the entire fandom… and then project that onto the rest of us like “IF YOU THINK THIS! YOU ARE BAD!” Like be real, there are hundreds of thousands of us, exponentially chances are there are gonna be a great deal of people you won’t agree with. That doesn’t mean we have to ruin this space for everyone.

I really don’t want to do this again, bc like I said, im basically contributing to the very thing I hate. I hate that I feel this need to voice my feelings on something everyone is already talking about, and now i’m also taking away from the aspects of fandom that can be fun and welcoming and worthwhile.

It’s just unfortunate how all fandoms put themselves in this situation. We allow one or a few to control the vibe of the tag and suddenly you can’t find theories or headcanons or just fun banter between fans. All you see is virtue signaling and people trying to find someone to blame. And then we wonder why fandoms fizzle out with resentment. Because we ruin it for ourselves. We turn on each other for the sake of being right. And it just sucks.

At the end of the day, everyone has the right to say how they feel. By all means, that is your choice and you can do whatever feels right to you. But just know that not everyone is going to agree. And that’s not always a bad thing. And even if and when it is, we don’t have to make it EVERYONES business.

[mineonmain]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke ^u^ slay

Credit: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Favorite Thai QL: Bad Buddy was my first and probably till date my fav. What a way to start. Very few BLs overall have lived up to the unreal standard that this show set, and no matter what all has happened IRL since the airing of the show, this show has a place in my heart that nothing is going to ever replace. It's the show that revived my love and passion for TV shows after years. This show (ep 5 4/4 👀) changed my brain chemistry, without exaggeration. P'Aof i'm chewing on your furniture until you pay for my therapy. [Other favs are MLC, ATOTS, UWMA, Between Us, MSP]

Favorite Pairing: I guess i'll talk about actor pairings but onscreen, not how they are offscreen. EarthMix is absolutely one of my favs, they bring a maturity, natural-ness, and intensity to their acting that I've rarely found in other GMMTV pairings. I'm also gonna mention FourthGem because they're the GMM young blood and I think they've got an incredible amount of potential. We've already seen their range in MLC and MSP, and I think they're going to be huge. I have a huge soft spot for BounPrem (but I may be biased lol), and this may be a lukewarm take but I really enjoyed BillySeng, I thought they had some incredible onscreen chemistry.

Most underrated actor: Oh jeez where do I start. Gotta mention Fourth - he's not really underrated but he's just starting out, but I can already see he's got the chops and with the right training and right directors he's absolutely Going Placed. Shout out to Fluke Natouch, that boy does emotional scenes like no one else. Special shoutout to Tonnam - he's supposed to be starring in his first BL as a main character this year, idk if that's still on schedule or not, but every character he's ever played so far has been a hit in my book. His comedic timing is unparalleled for me, it never fails to hit.

Favorite Character: How do I choose!! Pat Napat is so dear to me??? As is Ae from LBC???? Tutor from Why R U???? Team from Between Us?? I've got so many different little blorbos it's impossible to choose. They're all pocket sized to me. Making me choose is a crime.

Favorite Side Character: Idk why but the first one that comes to mind is View from Between Us. He's absolutely Little Bro, but he's also so sweet and genuine and full of love??? He's annoying bc all little brothers are genetically coded to be annoying but he's impossible not to love. His smile is healing. You can't take him away from me.

Favorite scene in a QL: Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4. This was the scene that actually broke me. The lead up to the scene, the subtle but deliberate choices that both the characters made. Pat gritting himself to go talk to Pran bc if there's one thing he doesn't do it's avoid people and situations. Pran resigning himself to the conversation bc he can't avoid it any longer. Pat finally saying exactly how he's been feeling less than a business day after he had the realisation himself, bc the moment he feels something and decides it he has to act on it. The music swelling in the background. Pran realising that he's been projecting his fears onto Pat this entire time, that Pat has always feel differently about him too. Pran asking the question to break it all, wording in one way where he was expecting one kind of answer, not expecting that it would be interpreted in an entirely different way and would rock the foundation of their already teetering relationship. Pran asking if they want to be friends, because the alternative would be to be enemies. Pat hearing 'do you want to be only friends', and realising that that would never be enough for the both of them. Pat seeing that Pran is scared, and realising that he has to have courage enough for the both of them. Pat taking the deepest and shakiest breath of his life, swallowing down his fear and trepidation, voice trembling saying 'no'. This is the scariest thing that Pat has ever had to do, but how he'd rather do this than lose Pran again. Them both taking a step towards each other, because this is a decision not of one but of equals, mutual as they have always been. Pat treating this like his first kiss, like a relief of finally knowing the answer to a question that has long plagued him, like the start of something, going into it with utter joy and coming out of it with complete bliss, because the world finally makes sense. Pran treating this like his last kiss, like the end of everything they had ever been or ever could be, like he was going to milk this for everything it was worth because he was never going to get a chance to do this ever again, going into it with fear and desperation, and coming out of it with heartache and resignation, because they had lost everything they had and couldn't get it back. Pat crying tears of joy because he finally found what he was looking for, and Pran crying tears of pain because he got to experience for the first and last time what he would never be allowed to have but had longed for all of his life. Yeah I'm so normal about this show.

Favorite line in a QL: I mean. I literally said it all above, but yeah. 'If we're not enemies, could we be friends?' 'Do you want to be friends?' 'No.'

Most Anticipated QL (& why): I don't honestly know?? But I do wanna see the Thai remake of Cherry Magic, I'm interested in seeing how they're gonna treat it differently from the source show, esp since Thai shows have a tendency to bit more high heat and the original show was all about the tenderness of falling for someone because of their goodness.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: oooh i gotta go for TinnGun from MSP, they're just so lovable. Yes it's a highschool relationship but it was presented so sweetly without coming across as childish, and my boy Tinn is the ultimate green flag. Also even tho I'm not personally a SaifahZon fan (they're not my cup of tea) I think they're incredibly healthy.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: TharnType (i'm mostly looking at you Tharn), most of the KP pairings (the T in Theerapanyakuls stands for needs Therapy), early RainPhayu (i'm sorry but pigtail-pulling on the playground to show you like someone is very kindergarten behavior Phayu), LianKuea (go ahead girlbosses who gaslight and gatekeep).

Guilty pleasure series: I honestly don't know if anything I like counts as a guilty pleasure. Maybe SCOY?? Because I know there's a lot of people who don't like it and find it cringe but I think they're all kind of missing the point. I could write a mini-essay about this show too but i'll save that for another day.

Most underrated series: Ingredients (Baby Jeff!!), My Only 12% (It absolutely deserved more love and hype).

Tagging: @antisocial-burrito @liyazaki @webetterlove @bisexualhedgehog @shortpplfedup @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @onstoryladders @respectthepetty @heesulovebot @gunsatthaphan @incandescentflower @rythyme @elevatormusic @vegaspetesupremicy

[giddlygoat]

tbh i did not know who cyrus borg is nor have i ever interacted with the ninjago fandom but i am obsessed about him. blorbo via osmosis.

anyways if you have any headcanons about him i would like to hear them :3c

cyrus borg my beloved blorbo babygirl <3

thank you for asking about this man. he is like a chew toy for my brain. hold onto your butt bc it’s 2 am as of writing this and that’s when all the big brained stuff happens 

in his mid/late thirties and slaying <3 he started his tech business at about 17 and now he’s got a crazy monopoly on like half the city but it’s okay bc he’s a kind philanthropist and actually treats his employees like human beings so no one cares that he’s effectively one of the most powerful men in the city lmao 

i see cyrus as autistic and adhd tbh. the way he gets so hyper focused on his work that he literally does not perceive anything else around him is a bit too relatable, and he strikes me as a very brilliant man who simply does not retain information unimportant to his interests. he could tell you the precise components of the most advanced computers and explain their relationships with one another, but hell if he knows who the president is. you’re lucky if he even remembers what day it is. this man constantly uses reminders and alarms for sure. 

he’s on the aroace spectrum i think. i’m not exactly sure how but he just gives me those vibes. 

also transmasc swag tbh?? i think i’ve seen that hc around and it goes hard 

hear me out. cyrus listens to rap. this is based on absolutely nothing at all i just know it with my very being. he likes stuff with fast, predictable and heavy beats. would totally blast shit like masquerade by siouxxie sixxsta at full volume in his office. it helps him get in the zone. idk what to tell you man [<- 100% projection] 

cyrus is like. absolutely fascinated by zane. he admires dr julien’s work so much and wants to study zane under a microscope. as he gets to know zane better personally though, i think he would realize that he has been looking at things through the lense of an engineer for so long that he forgot zane was just like his human family. it’s not that he ever viewed zane as simply a machine, quite the opposite - he fully acknowledged that dr julien had created a full person, and an incredible one at that - but cyrus still has to remind himself that people don’t like being poked and prodded. [the moment he makes the mental connection between zane getting put on an examination table and himself getting operated on by the overlord against his will, he realizes the error in his line of thinking] 

oh yeah. the trauma! yeah cyrus might be just a little bit majorly fucked up over the overlord thing. the overlord did amputate his right arm after all, which leaves him with only one fully functioning limb. he still has nightmares about it. getting used to a prosthetic arm wouldn’t have been such a hurdle if the overlord had put any sort of thought or care into the operation, but it left him severely scarred up and just fucked in general. however! as the years pass he becomes pretty much fully accustomed to his situation and doesn’t let it inhibit his creative passions. 

also when zane died in s3 cyrus was super broken up about it and blamed himself for it in part. then, not days later his daughter disappeared for reasons he would not understand until like a year later, which totally messed him up. he inevitably threw himself into his work in an effort to not feel anything. he didn’t take very good care of himself during this time. when zane returned from chen’s island, he let pixal explain everything to cyrus, who was just glad they were alive, but the whole situation took a really long time to get over. 

when he’s hyper focused he forgets to eat/sleep etc and can run on fumes for hours before his body suddenly becomes a wet paper towel in a parking lot at 3 am and he has to konk out at his desk. thankfully he has people looking out for him, and he’s slowly getting better about it, but once he gets started sometimes the only way to stop is by brute force. 

i absolutely love @alanshee’s amazing cyrus headcanons, so you should totally go check out her takes. she has some really cool headcanons about his 16 robot children [in reference to a line where cyrus mentioned pixal was the 16th iteration, i believe] and they always make me smile so big. a lot of my headcanons are inspired by her stuff! 

[sorry for the late ass reply it’s been a crazy week and then i forgot rip but thank you sm for the ask!!!]

[flannelfloofs]

for some godforsaken reason, I can't see Johnny in my asks or notifications. I AM following btw and see your posts but...hm. anyways I'll just try this

Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time?

My first ever oc was Emily!!! She was originally a Lego Movie fankid between Emmet and Wyldstyle who slowly but surely became her own character..and since she's the protagonist of The Metamorphic Moral, OF COURSE I still use her! Here's her evolution throughout 2014-today (2023) :]

3. Biggest self-insert OC?

To be freaking honest...the main cast in their entirety; Emily, Warf, and Levi are all created with me in mind since the creation of TMM was a way for me to cope in my years of struggling into adulthood.

Emily shows insecurity in her ability to contribute to the incoming future of living on her own and struggles to make friends on top of dealing with fear of getting older and dying, not knowing what it's like when she reaches her end. Her apparent depression has made her unmotivated to do things herself, only relying on making others happy to fill the void in her own self worth.

Warf grew up too fast (both physically and metaphorically) alongside his older sister when they grew up mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abused despite living a lavish lifestyle surrounded by people they trusted. So even now, Warf struggles to accept that his life is even worth it if he ever went on and that things would be better off if he wasn't alive.

Levi wants to prepare to save up for more important things in their life (caring to their insects, wanting to give some nice things to their almost retiring parents, and for them to save up to move in with Emily and Warf later down the line) but with commission work being a slog on their social and romantic life, they worry that being closed in like a cocoon is ruining their chance at living.

6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?

TOOO MANY TO COUNTTT LOLL

I got like a billion unused ocs, most of them from other stories I barely put development in atm (cough cough The Rainbow Circus) but like they will get their time, TMM is more of a passion project I want to put my focus on mainly!

10. OC you most struggled to make?

that's sooo harddd...I think Dusk (Warf and Dawn's long lost brother) like I'm still putting off designing his ref bc IDK!!! I like him but idk why I don't like drawing him as much. maybe bc no one really cares about him? maybe that's it...

That's all!! tysm for asking me these @j-toxicwaste..I had fun answering them!!

(OC ASK QUESTIONS HERE)

[shcherbatskayas]

okay i actually have a strong-ish idea for an original project that i want to talk about bc i have thoughts and feelings and excitement for it. see below for gay arthuriana and Two Bastards In Love!

so as a known liker of fate/typemoon, i spend a lot of time thinking about what we can loosely call "canonical arthuriana" (there's not really a set arthuriana canon). and as i was looking at the galahad wikipedia page for the umpteenth time and thinking about his supposed chastity and definite lack of love interest, i thought about it for a second and was like "...okay so he's totally gay, right???" and is there canon evidence for that? not really, but i think it would be interesting, so it's canonical to me now. i just think that opens a lot of interesting doors! his whole character in the canon is very...bland, in the sense that he's just the Best Knight Ever and not shown to have much internal struggle, but bastard son of the Best Knight In The Land dedicates his whole life to being holy and perfect and proving himself worthy to wider society? that's something, especially when you add in the stuff about "i am judging my father for the sin of extramarital sex (which is not really what happened between lancelot and galahad's mum elaine, but he doesn't figure that out until way later) when i am a full blown homosexual, which is seen as just as bad in our society." there's a judgemental and hypocritical and bitterly self-righteous side to this stubborn idiot, but also he's so earnest. so serious. thoughtful and introspective and gentle. a defender of the defenseless. a bit of a goofball and an airhead, once he lets his guard down. galahad du lac has Layers to me.

and as i was thinking this, i knew any story with him needed a love interest so that some of the queer stuff could be unpacked with another person. i was thinking maybe percival because canonically they're pretty close, but you know who else is the bastard child of a famous member of arthuriana who craves external approval and status while also being fundamentally transgressive in one way or another? mordred!! and mordred is a hothead of epic proportions, impulsive and moody and mean as shit when he wants to be. he's also very passionate, confident, a jokester and a guy in love with being alive who will always help someone in need (even if he's calling you a moron the whole time). he feels every emotion all the way through, and does what he thinks is right no matter the cost.

as far as backstories: galahad is raised in corbenic as a bastard whose father is officially Unknown (but everyone with eyes knows it's lancelot), half in his mother's castle with her and her extended family, and half in an abbey run by his aunt. after some shenanigans (baby galahad runs away from home when he's locked in a room in the abbey; this happens because lancelot is recovering from one of his canonical insanities in corbenic and everyone agrees that seeing baby galahad would make it worse), the lady of the lake finds out that this is lancelot's kid swimming in her lake and officially adopts him as a grandson and makes him galahad du lac. the lady of the lake is easily the most normal adult in his young life. everyone else says stuff like "god told us he's the special grail boy so we should send him up to the mountains to slay the local dragon without any weapons." galahad's a grandma's boy for real. he doesn't eat fish because his grandma, the lady of the lake herself, personally cares about every fish and he's not going to eat his grandma's friends. he gets the lady of the lake's blessings, of course, and insists that being adopted as the lady of the lake's grandson is unrelated to lancelot being her adopted son in public. in private? he knows, and is pissed as hell that lancelot refuses to acknowledge him because his father should own up to his mistakes. <-thoughts of a guy who doesn't know what elaine of corbenic did to lancelot) and mordred? the result of arthur falling in love and having an affair with one of the nine sisters of avalon during his engagement to guinevere (a woman he's met all of once at this point; later he is genuinely in love with her). morgan, the head of the sisters, queen of orkney, and also arthur's biological half-sister, agrees to raise mordred as one of her sons. king lot formally adopts him and thus mordred grows up as a prince of orkney, but everyone knows that he's not biologically an orkney royal. morgan gives him the lo down very early on and he's convinced that by earning his place at the round table and being the bravest, coolest knight on earth, arthur will accept him as son and heir and make him prince of camelot. this...is not going to happen, lol.

mordred and galahad meet during shenanigans, after which galahad leaves home to be his squire. they bond while traveling and after some deeper conversations about their aligned sense of justice and the fact that they're an iconic comedy duo and about being bastards, they become a certified team. mordred is going to help galahad fulfill his grail destiny, which will also obviously fix everything with his parents, and galahad is going to help mordred become prince of camelot. that's not going to go according to plan, of course, but they're still in it together.

i have so many other ideas (did you know the holy grail here isn't actually holy? this ruins galahad's perception of his life btw) but i'm going to stop bc it's late and i need to work tomorrow. to separate them from their fate counterparts, galahad stuff will be tagged galahad du lac and mordred stuff will be mordred le fae, but i think the context will make it obvious when i'm talking fate or talking about this. i really need to name this wip stuff, but later. not now. i am so sleepy now.

[masterthespianduchovny]

I’m going to explain why I start twitching and break out in hives whenever someone floats that Sydney and Richie should hate fuck.

What I’ve discovered about myself this past year is I really don’t do the “guy is rude/an asshole/insults a specific woman and I must ship them together!!!”

This are my ships:

Mulder/Scully-The X-Files

Ginny/Mike- Pitch

Jane/Lisbon- The Mentalist

Ichabod/Abbie- Sleepy Hollow

Carmy/Sydney- The Bear

Rich/Michonne- The Walking Dead

Chuck/Sarah- Chuck

Ted/Rebecca- Ted Lasso

Will/Alicia- The Good Wife

If someone of you are familiar with a handful of these shows, you’ll recognize a trend here: these men worship the ground these women walk about. You will not disrespect these women, esp around them. They will either confront you, fight you, or both! (I’ll add some others I’m forgetting at the moment due to being sleep deprived.)

Women are often disrespected, esp black woken, as a joke everyday. And most of them aren’t joking. It’s delivered as one, but that person and their audience as serious.

I see the disrespect of (black) women tolerated and encouraged everyday, I don’t want to see that in my shows either. Even if it’s just a hook up.

The other part is: black women largely do not hate fuck white men. I’m not going to say never because there are exceptions to every rule.

Although I don’t expect the series to ever go here, Richie is so coded to casually say shit like, “ghetto black bitch” or maybe even “uppidy.” He resembles the white middle aged men and bros who swears they aren’t racist, but will be casually and outright racist at times and say, “if you don’t want to be treated like a ****** don’t act like a ******.” Or use the word liberally around his friends or certain circles.

Again, I don’t believe that is Richie, but his behavior is so similar to these guys that I can’t imagine Sydney would hate fuck a man like that. It would actually be upsetting for me. And this has nothing with me wanting her to be with Carmy, I’ve said early on after watching the show that I could see Syd x Marcus if they wanted to go there. This isn’t some shipper tearing down Richie’s character. I’m truly really disturbed with how he’s behaved toward Sydney and treated her at times.

I don’t believe they have sexual tension and I think it’s dangerous for some to believe (again, I said some) that characters who hate one another are secretly attracted to each other or will be. It’s why you have people who ship Maggie x Negan from the Walking Dead. Sometimes people hate someone for valid reasons and it doesn’t translate to fucking if they make amends.

Why does Richie hate Sydney?

She’s a scapegoat for him for useless and fear of being “pushed out” the beef, esp bc he knows he’s has nothing going on for himself. Then shows up this young and ambitious woman who is talented as fuck and won’t take his shit. He’s projecting all of his issues onto her.

Why does Sydney hate Richie?

When they first meet, he calls her sweetie (which is inappropriate), then while yelling at Carmy, calls her a broad. Is angry and belligerent when shopping for the caulk. Disrespects Carmy because of his culinary training. Mocks their passion and culinary training. Literally is aggressive and hostile with her (on two different occasions). Tina has to get him out of the kitchen because of how erratic he was acting. Constantly makes Sydney’s job difficult and refuses to listen to her. Blames her for shit that wasn’t her fault, and then gloats when she fucks up (after she covered his ass with the caulk too). Said she blow a critic for a good review and tried to sow discord between her and Carmy. And he loved gaslighting her, esp when she’s rightfully angry with her.

Sydney would have to have absolutely no sense of self worth or be at the lowest of low to fuck Richie. Because when in the fuck would she fuck a man who she doesn’t allow any form of disrespect or implied violence go unchecked touch her sexually? And that’s not including that a guy like that is someone who would read as racist to many black women.

And this is not to say some black women don’t see if for this hook up—some do! I’m not going to speak on that because that’s a nuanced situation as to how others explore fandom.

And this isn’t necessarily judging people who want it to happen. I just do not want that shit to be canon AT ALL. I would probably stop watching the show or consider it because of how upsetting it would be to me. If people want to write fanfic I’ll never read, but other would, be my guest. Go wild and crazy with it.

But I just cannot watch a character I adore, relate to at times, and who seemingly has a good sense of herself to not do some wild ass shit like that, that I’d stay around as she fucks a man who consistently disrespected and was hostile and aggressive with her.

The only couple I can think of that I shipped that were enemies to lovers were Kyle and Max from “Living Single.” And I think it was because they were equals—they were on the same playing field, but it stopped at barbs thrown at each other. He wasn’t in her face or making derogatory comments.

Sydney and Richie aren’t equals. She’s literally his boss and he can’t handle that (the point in me saying she’s his boss is to note that this aren’t two equals taking shots at each other.) And he’s also protected due to their precarious situation (aka bleeding money) and being Carmy’s “cousin.” Who knows how much she’s told and hasn’t told Carmy about his behavior, esp bc she’s used to dealing with everything herself. But again, there is still that race and gender element.

Like, if it’s all about fun and vibes for some, I get it if you ignore me. But the way I see black women treated in real life (dating wise and harassed by fans) and how fictional black women are treated, issa no from me, dawg.

I know enemy to lovers is a popular trope, it just isn’t something that hits for me when it comes to black and white relationships, esp if the woman is black. Esp when it piles on to the hate she already receives.

And, honestly, there’s no sexual tension between them. Some only think there is bc they hate each other and fans been conditioned to think that means there’s a sexual component there or will be.