#i just want to stop like mentally beating myself up over it lol

[kuiinncedes]

hehe

[idkwhatever580]

More than you’ll ever know

[{pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader}]

{prompt- Natasha comes home from a long mission to find y/n curled up in her hoodie.}

(she/her pronouns I might use they/them in the mix as well. Just whatever I write lol)

[|warnings~ cursing probably. Tad bit of angst not a lot but lots of fluff|]

An; I actually hope this turns out good bc idk what to do if y’all hate it. It’s probably gonna be cringey but I live for that anyways sooo hope y’all enjoy!

————————————————————————————————————————

Nobody’s pov?

Natasha walks into her room and sets her duffel bag down on the floor with a sigh. She immediately looks around for her girlfriend and frowns.

“What the fuck?” She mumbles tiredly.

She takes a good look at her room and sees everything a mess. Trash and clothes everywhere. The sheets are a stray and the floor is covered in dirty laundry. Natasha huffs.

All she wanted was to come home from her week long mission to her girlfriend and the least she expected was a clean room.

She quickly realizes that y/n isn’t in their room and she decides to leave the cleaning for later and switches over to the task of finding her beloved.

She steps into the hallway and says “Friday? Where is y/n/n”

“Mrs. Y/n is in the third floor lounge room ma’am.” The ai quickly replies.

She mumbles a quick thank you and starts her trek to find her girlfriend.

Natasha steps in the elevator and Friday already knows where she wants to go so it starts moving. Natasha stretches her aching muscles a bit and the bell dings.

She steps out to find the lounge in a similar state as their room except for there is a mound of blankets on the couch. She smiles knowing that the amount of blankets y/n uses is unreasonable but cute.

She silently walks to y/n’s pile and slowly uncovers her one layer at a time.

Y/n’s Pov

I am sleeping in the lounge and I feel my blankets being torn away from me.

Okay maybe torn is a bit dramatic but hey I am the girl I’ve always been.

I quickly grab the hand that is above my face to stop them from touching me. Although my eyes are closed I grip their wrist tightly and say,

“If you so dare say one word I’ll have Natasha beat your ass when she gets home”

I hear a familiar chuckle and my eyes open widely and I see my girlfriend. I immediately jump over the edge of the couch into her arms and she says,

“Are you gonna make me beat myself up?”

I glare at her as I pull away from the embrace and then I look around and finally realize how bad it’s gotten.

Usually whenever Natasha leaves I can handle myself but sometimes my mental health gets worse and I find myself unable to get out of bed. So that’s where this has gotten me.

I look at Natasha and she has a concerned look on her face and she says,

“Детка, what’s all this?”

I suddenly break and tears start welling up. I feel awful for having her come home to a depressed mess like me. I quickly try to give her an explanation.

“I don’t know! I- I just stopped picking things up and then next thing I know it’s a whole depression room”

I hide myself in her neck and a few tears fall, but she comforts me and says,

“Oh, Детка, you always know you can ask anybody in the compound for help. Don’t just lock yourself up. Come on. Let’s go to our room and get you in a bath.”

I look down and nod my head. Instead of making me walk she carries me like a koala and I hang onto her tightly.

She gets a bath running and helps me in and then I say,

“You’re not getting in with me?”

She smiles and looks down at me and says,

“I’m gonna do something really quickly okay? I’ll be right back just relax.”

I pout but nod my head nevertheless knowing she probably has to go give some paperwork to Nick or something like that.

After about 10 minutes she comes back in and I smile at her.

“You’re such a cutie”

I say to her. She sits down on the toilet next to me and smiles and says,

“I’m the cutie?”

I nod my head and explain further,

“You’re so baby girl. Like. Just cutie pie.”

Natasha chuckles a bit. Oh god. How her laugh makes me blush. Even after two years of dating she never fails to give me butterflies.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called cute before… most people would say that I’m quite the opposite.”

I pout at her words and quickly quip,

“Well then, I guess most people don’t know you and that’s literally so tragic because if I never met you I don’t know what I’d do.”

She smiles at me and says,

“Why don’t we get you out and let’s watch some movies?”

I hum and get out. She helps me dry off even though I protest she doesn’t let me do it myself, so I just let her do her own thing.

She gets me my favorite pjs and we go to the room and I freeze.

Everything is gone and cleaned. All the trash. All the clothes. I look to Natasha and say,

“Did you do this?”

She shrugs her shoulders and says,

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.”

I roll my eyes and give her a kiss on the cheek. We get into the bed with fresh sheets on them and I immediately cuddle into her side. She goes for the remote and I shake my head and say,

“I just wanna lay here with you. No tv. No nothing. Just us”

She smiles and nods her head and says,

“I like that idea. I love you.”

I smile and kiss her softly. Deliberately avoiding saying ‘I love you’ back to her knowing it’s a pet peeve.

She pouts and I find it so cute and she says,

“Say I love you back.”

I look at her and say,

“Why?”

She fake gasps and says,

“You have to if you love me! Do you not love me?”

I shrug my shoulders and say,

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

She pouts at me using her words against her and she says,

“You’re mean.”

I look at her and decide to be nice again so I say,

“And you’re the smartest, kindest, most loving, cutest, person on this earth. I love you so so much more than you’ll ever know.”

She blushes and smiles at me. I look at her and say,

“I’m sleepy”

Then as if on queue, a big yawn comes out from me, and Natasha giggles a bit. She snuggles closer to me if that’s even possible and says,

“Sleep baby. You’ll need your energy for tomorrow”

I groan when I remember that Natasha and I are training together. I’ve gotten out of training with everyone else this past week knowing they’d never make me do anything since Natasha romanoff is my girlfriend, but she won’t let it slide.

I decide to worry about it tomorrow and just focus on the fact that my baby is home and all is well in the world. Even if it isn’t.

——————————————————————————

An: I hope y’all like it! It’s a bit long but I couldn’t find a good place to finish it. And I wanted to add more lol. Please please please leave some constructive criticism for me lol. I need to work on my writing I’m sure. And feel free to leave requests anywhere :)))

[moonrisecoeur]

IM BACK CUZ IM MENTALLY UNWELL OK. and yes you’re the best sub Leon writer 😏🥱 and yes I liked it, SITTING ON HIS FACE? 😍🥱

I’m so sorry for blasting ur req box but YOURE AN ACTUALLY GOOD SUB LEON WRITER SO can you blame me? concept: idk why but re4 Leon is so free use coded and so imagine he is on a mission with a new assigned partner but she’s an asshole to him (“fuck off man, I can do it myself, “I don’t need your help”, “you’re too nice and gonna be taken advantage of 😐”, etc. You get the gist) and his goofy ass just tryna be nice and helpful, cuz this is leon we are talking about. But the fun part ⁉️ they have cameras installed in the hideout they are saying at for security purposes. But ofc, Leon always tries to check on reader to make sure she’s ok - even if she’s an asshole to him. AND YK WHAT READER DOES 😭 she’s way too horny and just goes at it, girl got a masturbation problem on god. Every night. One night - wrong time and place - Leon opens his laptop to see the cameras making sure she’s ok AND HELP HE SEES HER … yk. And he feels guilty like he shouldn’t watch but he does anyways. And this goes on for weeks. Until one night he’s sick and tired of her always being so mean and he accidentally lets it slip that he’s been watching her LOL AND SHES LIKE UHM BOY WHAT 🙄⁉️ and he tries to play it off like “I didnt mean to” but like, my brother in Christ… you’ve been watching every night for weeks 🤨 wdym you didn’t mean to? ANYWAYS LONG STORY SHORT SHE PUNISHES HIM AND HEAVYYYY ON THE FREE USE THING. Love you bae 😘

i made a couple minor changes just for convenience :) fem reader she/her pronouns!

also i didn’t write the smex scene IM SORRY but i have been working on this all day and i need to get to other asks but i promise i’ll write some more free use in the future because it’s so smexy

-

"look, i know you don't like me-"

"oh? really? tell me what you think you know, kennedy," you scowl at him, and though it spooks him just a little, he tries to seem unphased.

he frowns, not hurt by your words but definitely concerned that you'll make a bad partner, "you don't need to be this hostile. we're allies. we're supposed to have each other's backs."

"right..." your voice echos, and leon knows that if it came down to it, you wouldn't protect him, wouldn't save him, would barely help him. he's practically on his own for this mission, just has an extra body with him to shoot at the bad guys.

it hurts, to some degree, because even without knowing you well, and even with you being cold and rude to him, he knows he'd come to your rescue in a heartbeat. something about him feels fond of you, even though in your entire time knowing leon kennedy, you haven't said one nice thing to him.

he thinks that maybe he likes that you've never been nice to him. he doesn't really know what to do with that thought.

-

leon is proved wrong.

despite the harshness of your words, you come to his rescue, fighting off the villager who almost decapitated him with an axe like both of your lives depend on it (because they do).

he watches you fight nervously, but when you come out on top, aside from the gash wound you take to the hip, he feels his heart skip a beat.

"this is what happens when you hurt my partner," you groan, holding your side, trying to speak through the pain even though leon can see the blood seeping between your fingers.

you whisper something in your victim's ear, something leon can't quite make out, before you kill him. leon wonders what it was briefly. he decides it doesn’t matter.

you both breathe a sigh of relief, but it's short lived as you collapse to the ground. you saved him. you got hurt saving him.

"here, let me help you," he mutters, coming over to you, not even stopping to ask if you want his help because he knows you'll say no, "stop fighting me. you're hurt and i need to patch you up."

the pain is agonizing, but even through gritted teeth and tense breaths, you push through it. he has to commend you a little bit, you're tougher than you look.

but when you try to push his hand away, claiming "i'm fine, kennedy," he sees the struggle in your face, hears the hurt in your voice. his heart seems to stop. he's worried, "i can do it myself, you don't have to- fuck, dude, i don't need your help-."

"-just relax, okay? i got you..”

you don't have the strength to push him away, but you know you shouldn't anyway, so you just slouch back against the wall and try to breathe, "fine, just fuckin... hurry up."

"i'm just trying to take care of you. we're partners, right? i gotta look out for you," he smiles, trying to lighten the mood even slightly. he wishes that this would be the time the barriers come down, that those skyscraper walls that prevented him from coming any closer to you emotionally could come crashing down, if only for a moment.

"you don't have to do anything. you're choosing to put yourself in danger to help me," you groan as you lean back, looking up at the ceiling, "suprised that no one's tried to take advantage of your willingness to help before."

"someone did," he mutters annoyedly, focusing more on the wound then it being your wound, on your body. his eyebrows, almost naturally furrowed from years of stress, somehow make his face even more sad to gaze upon. it's not that he's unattractive, far from it, but he's... worn. tired. a piece of your heart, no matter how far you keep away from him, aches in sympathy.

-

leon carries you back to the safe room, a hideout you both are using to rest and recover in while you plot your next move. he lays his jacket on the ground to at least give you something comfortable to lie on. you don't look comfortable, but he can't do anything else to help you.

he looks through his things, trying to concoct something that will at least make you feel a little bit better. he finds a first aid spray, and his heart jumps out of his chest in excitement. he uses it to take care of your wound, and waits for you to wake up from your unconscious state.

he decides to go back out, hoping to maybe find some other things to help you both on your mission. he knows you'll berate him for leaving on his own, risking his own life needlessly. but god if he didn't imagine what it would be like if he found something you could really use, and watch your eyes light up. even if you didn't like him, you'd be happy. he wants to see you smile, to praise him for a job well done.

he cringes at how pathetic it sounds, but he sets off either way, leaving you wrapped in his jacket with a note from him saying what he's doing.

-

he doesn't do it intentionally. at least... not the first time. genuinely, he just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were alive and breathing and safe. and you definitely were.

he doesn't know why its so hypnotizing, why he can't put his goddamn phone away with the stupid security app on it. of course it's you, though. you're hypnotizing.

he watches every pixel, every distorted view of you touching yourself in the safe room, obviously unaware that he could... see this. he's glad there's no audio, or else he'd be unable to control himself, even in an abandoned building surrounded by zombies. maybe its the years that haven hardened him, burned the fear out of his soul and numbed him to the presence of those things, but he doesn't feel anything but uncontrollable desire right now.

have you been doing it the whole time? you both had spilt off from each other multiple times, and he would almost be upset at the idea that every time he was fighting for his life and barely, barely winning that fight each time, you were getting off a couple hundred feet from him in another room... if it wasn't so fucking hot to watch you masturbate.

he keeps watching until he notices that you're having an orgasm, body twitching and your chest heaving up and down as you take deep breathes. it's so fucking sexy, leon probably could have cum on the spot if he watched anymore.

-

you keep doing it. he keeps watching it. over the course of the mission (of course he had to be stuck on a long, secluded recon mission with you of all people) he's watched you too many times. he doesn't think he has enough fingers to count how many times, which either means he's been on this mission longer than he thought or you have a fucking addiction. he's almost kind of impressed at how efficient you are. takes you 10 minutes tops, and then you just get back up and keep on trucking? his sentimental, post-nut ass could never.

and, though you recovered from your wound, you haven't displayed any sense of gratitude for leon taking care of you when you passed out after getting hurt. not that he expects it, truthfully. you saved his life, he saved yours. you were even.

he just doesn't feel like he's broken any new ground. he feels like, if anything, you feel even further away, emotionally. he's about had it.

"hey, we need to talk," he says, ominously; he doesn't intend it to be so, "i understand you don't like me. it's fine. i don't even care anymore. but i am tired of you talking to me like i'm a pushover."

you look over at him, reloading your gun with a displeased look on your face. leon hates the inner urge he has to cave and apologize to you, as if his body would rather give up any sense of dignity he still has in favor of being slightly more tolerable to you.

"well? are you going to say something?"

you scoff, looking away, "didn't know you were so fucking sensitive, kennedy," and you turn around, ready to walk out, before he snaps, "this isn't a pleasure trip. sorry you're not having a good time."

"clearly you're having a good time with all the pleasure you're giving yourself while i'm trying not to die."

he stops. panicking. trying to think of how to spin the words he just said and make it not sound like he knew every tell you had when you were about to cum or exactly how you touch yourself in order to get yourself off quickly.

you stop as well. and you look back at him with this expression on your face that is completely unreadable.

maybe it wasn't the best move to reveal the only card he had left to play if it mean he would get this reaction out of you considering that, again, you so clearly do not like him.

... right?

"what... did you say, kennedy?" you ask, pure venom in your voice. it's not a question, you so clearly heard him correctly.

"i- i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that-"

"have you been watching me?" you take a step closer, eyes boring into his soul so intensely he can't make eye contact. he has no way out of this situation. he feels out of breath, nervous, god why are you getting so close to him? "answer me, leon," not kennedy, leon, "have you been watching me masturbate?"

he looks up, trying to keep himself from making eye contact. he knows the second he looks into your eyes, he will be putty in your hands, free for you to mold into whatever you'd like. he knows you're not looking at him with distain like usual, it's something else.

something hungry.

"yeah," he breathes, barely getting the world out at all. you take a deep breath, as if you're debating what you're going to do.

"what you did was wrong, you see that, right?"

"yes, i know, but-"

you scoff, annoyed. god why in this moment, just inches away from you, you notice the moles on his neck, the angle of his jaw, the entrancing aura of his eyes. it's so damn distracting, and you have to pull yourself together, "but nothing. you watched me without my consent, you got off on it, didn't you?"

"god, you're making it sound so bad, i... i'm sorry, okay? how can i make it up to you?" he asks, trying so damn hard as always to please.

this is where you come to realize that maybe you didn't hate leon kennedy all this time. maybe you found yourself too comfortable, too at ease in his presence. maybe he was safe and sweet and gentle and it didn't sit right because nothing in a world with zombies and bioweapons and cults and parasites was gentle. but leon is.

you look down, considering your options, "i have an idea. you're free to refuse and we go back to before, and you get nothing from me. do you want to hear it?"

"sure?"

you take a breath, going for it, "i’ll be… blunt. if you couldn’t tell, i’m a bit.. insatiable. i need something to get myself off now that i’m getting bored of my own hands out here. you help me, and i’ll forgive you for watching me.”

his thoughts stop. he genuinely can’t put together a coherent thought, what did you mean? "are you.. are you fucking serious? you barely speak to me, every time you do speak to me you act like i'm the scum of the earth, you act like i'm not here when i saved your ass and carried you and patched you up, i-”

you cut him off with a kiss. it’s not gentle, it’s rough and messy and your fingers dig into the skin of his cheeks, leaving him red and breathless. he finally gets it. you don’t want him to help you, you want to use him.

he lets you push him down, pin his body to the wall as you kiss him breathless. he lets you dig your nails into his neck even if it hurts. he lets you touch and kiss him as rough or as gentle as you like. and you don’t like being gentle, clearly.

“use me,” he whispers between kisses, and when you pull away, eyeing him intently, as if urging him to explain himself, he does, “do whatever you want. just keep going until you’re satisfied. don’t… don’t hold back. whatever pleases you… i want that. i want to please you.”

“awh, you just want me to be happy with you, don’t you?” you coo at him, endeared by his selflessness. truly a good man in a bad world, “that’s all you’ve ever wanted, hm? for me to like you?”

his resolve cracks just a little bit more, “uhm, yeah…” he his voice is shaky, unsteady, and he just needs to give in.

“then you’re going to let me do this every single time in horny and need something to get myself off. i’m going to do whatever i want to you, and i’m not going to ask. you’re just going to let me. if you don’t, then we go right back to being enemies, and you really don’t want that, right?”

he stutters aimlessly, his knees going weak. he’d truly be done for if you weren’t hold him up with a strength he did not know you had.

and you just keep going, “i’m not going to ask or care if it’s a bad time. i want it to be inconvenient, uncomfortable, ill-timed. i want it to be permanently in your head that i can have you whenever i want you. that i can do whatever i want to you.”

“only i get to have you, got it?”

“g-got it,” he mutters weakly, feeling your hands on him, touching him in places he hasn’t been touched in a while. he didn’t realize how desperate he was.

“only i get to touch you, only i… get to fuck you.”

he nods helplessly.

“it’s too bad i didn’t bring a dildo in my bag when we set off for this mission, because i would so fuck you with it until you’re seeing stars and apologizing for going behind my back… but i suppose i’ll just have to satisfy myself with your cock…”

[btsgotjams27]

this is us ~ jjk | 16

six months later and you're still not over jungkook, and when you finally hit rock bottom, you realize you have to pick yourself up because no one else can do it for you.

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, bff's younger brother ✨ playlist | AO3 & Wattpad ✨ a/n: if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n 2: hello, hello! can you believe we're almost done with this series? it's been a crazy journey for these two, hasn't it? lol. well, i'll just say the angst is strong in this chapter but! this is the last angsty chapter, which i'm kind of happy for myself, my readers, and the characters lmaooooo. i hope y'all enjoy it and now it's only going up from this point out!

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ 17 ~ one year later

chapter 16 ~ so maybe you're not okay | wc: 5.4k warnings: time skip (6 months later), angst, reader is reflecting on her past actions, language, alcohol consumption, *some* tough love, self-deprecation, depressing thoughts, mentions of throwing up smut warnings: kissing, touching, groping, breast play

~ six months since the breakup ~

Six months have passed since you and Jungkook split up. Sometimes, your heart ached continually, and you wondered when it would stop or ever cease. You almost gave in and called to check how he was doing or what he was up to, but you didn't. It was foolish to believe he'd want to talk to you since he, too, was hurt. You had shattered his heart for the second time, and you shouldn't be surprised if he never wanted to hear from you again.

Your heart skipped a beat anytime his name was uttered, whether it was Jin or Yuna. A part of you wanted to know if he was doing well or if he was as unhappy as you, but you were hoping for the latter. He deserved happiness, and you wanted him to find it even if you weren’t a part of it.

As much as you wanted to run away from responsibilities, you couldn’t. Your show was the only thing that kept you going—for now, at least. Critics and audiences alike praised the first half of the season, but as the season proceeded, numbers began to fall, making you doubt your talent and career. Could your writing be suffering as a result of your breakup? It did take up a lot of your mental space these days.

You wanted to hide under a rock and never come out again, it was virtually impossible because your phone rang nonstop day and night, attempting to put out fires—executives, producers, and writers breathing down your neck, never letting you take a breath. You just wanted everything to halt, and you just wanted no one to need you. But you were reminded of that whenever you stepped into your apartment. You didn’t know which was worse anymore.

The show's last day couldn’t have come any faster, and Kenji wanted to go big and celebrate the filming wrapping. You arrived at the beautiful modern building, which hardly looked like a restaurant.

“Hello, darling.”

You turned to your ex-boyfriend, his arm snaking around your waist. He could never help himself, but you smacked his arm away. “Kenji,” you said with a scowl.

“I’m sorry, love—habit.” You rolled your eyes. “Come on, let’s celebrate,” he said, holding his arm for you to take, though you didn’t amuse him by doing so. You were tired of his antics.

Because it was a party and you were practically the face of the project, you had to put on your best smile and pretend everything was fine—better than okay, perfect because you had gotten what you wanted out of your career, you had worked your ass off to get where you are. Still, none of this mattered if you didn't have the most important person by your side, but you didn’t dare utter his name.

If there was one thing you hated about being in this industry, it was the mingling aspect. Of course, you cared for your crew but showed it differently than how Kenji wanted to. You preferred intimate gatherings, taking a few groups to talk and catch up.

Though, at this point, you didn’t want to be around anyone anymore and just wanted to eliminate the noise clouding up your mind and space.

“Hey, babe. Are you doing okay?” Hyunie asked, pulling you in for a hug.

You loved your friend, but you swear to God if she asked you one more time if you were okay, you’d explode. “I’m fine,” you snapped, closing your eyes.

Having Hyunie by your side throughout this project was a godsend, and you couldn’t have done it without her. As Yuna was busy with baby Indie, Hyunie became your right-hand gal, almost waiting on you hand and foot.

She cleared her throat. “I just wanted to make sure,” she muttered, ready to walk away.

“Wait, Hyunie—” You turned, grasping her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“It’s okay. I know you’re stressed. I’ll leave you alone.”

God—were you always this bitchy and cranky? Or had you unlocked a new part of yourself that you’d only discovered after breaking up with Jungkook? Either way, you’d lose your friend if you didn’t stop.

You had stopped counting how many glasses of wine you had accepted from the server as he passed by with his tray, but it had to have been more than enough for you to want to kiss the next person you saw.

Aimlessly, you stared at your wine glass. Are you the only one like this? What the fuck are you doing with your life? Pretending to be okay when you weren’t. Shit—you were so fucking pathetic.

Every day, the same thing, over and over again. Mindlessly, alone. You were gradually losing yourself in your innermost thoughts.

Tomorrow may be better. Maybe it’ll be alright. But who were you kidding? They were nothing but lies. You were too far gone, too broken. And it didn’t look like it could ever be reversed.

“So, you’re the big boss, hmm?”

You looked up to see a handsome man donned in an all-black outfit, his honey-skin chest practically on display, the deep V of his silk shirt leading your eyes down to his lower half. “That’s me,” you muttered, swirling the last of what was left in your wine glass.

“Can I get you a refill?”

“Yes, please.”

The man flashed a beautiful smile before going behind the counter, reaching underneath to pull up a bottle of wine.

“Are you supposed to be back there?” you asked, raising a brow because he wasn’t a crew member from your show. Actually, you had never seen him before.

He chuckled. “I’m Jung Hoseok, co-owner of Onjium.” You held your glass out for him to refill.

“It’s a beautiful restaurant, and the food is immaculate.”

“Ah, why, thank you,” he remarked. “Should I return the favor and praise your show?”

You tried to suppress your smirk by sipping the red wine. “I’d rather you praise me instead."

Hoseok's tongue darts to wet his lips, biting the bottom. "I can do that."

It had been too long since you had kissed anyone, alone let anyone even touch you. But Hoseok’s kisses from the column of your neck trailing towards your collarbone made you realize how horny you were—and your vibrator wasn’t cutting it anymore. You weren’t sure why you hadn’t sought out a fuck buddy in the first place. It would’ve easily taken your mind off everything and relieved some stress.

His hardened length brushed against your clothed heat, his soft lips continuing to mark your body, his hand on the small of your back, eliminating the distance between you. “Fuck—you’re so sexy,” he kissed your lips. “Why isn’t every man dropping to their knees for you?”

You throw your head back, a chuckle leaving your lips. “Do you always flatter every woman who walks through your restaurant’s doors?” you ask, tugging at his belt, unfastening it with his pants.

He grins and shakes his head. “I never do things like this,” he lies through his teeth.

“Uh-huh, sure,” you quip back. “So you’ve never fucked anyone on this couch before?” You found it hard to believe—a good-looking man like him, not fucking every beautiful that walked into his restaurant?

“Nope, never,” he laughs, coming in for another kiss, his hard length pressing into your lower abdomen, making you ache and crave what’s hidden beneath those briefs. “Can I?” he asks, toying with the thin straps of your dress.

“Please do. I’m at your service to be praised and adored.” You were hardly ever this bold or confident. Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your veins, coinciding with how shitty you’ve been feeling these past several months.

Hoseok’s slender fingers drew imaginary circles into your skin. He studied your face—eyes closed, mouth agape, and head lolled back. Savoring every moment as you bite your bottom lip, just waiting for him to continue as he pleased. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Honestly, at this moment? Anything—anything to relieve the ache that was building inside your body.

He hums, waiting for your answer.

You opened your eyes and straightened your posture. He still hadn’t removed your straps, so you did it for him, agonizingly slow, of course—just as he teased you, you did the same to him. But your stupid bra stood in the way until you unfastened the hooks, freeing your breasts one at a time. His attention is now diverted from your eyes to your chest, taking in the perfect view.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned in, whispering, “I want you to fuck me so hard that you have to take me home and then fuck me all over again.”

He shifted in his seat, adjusting himself, then gripped the soft flesh of your ass through your black slip dress. His hands roamed the sides of your body. His eyes fixated on your breasts before palming them in his hands. “Fuck–yes. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

His hand reached the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. You spread your legs wider, rolling your hips against his erection. Faint whimpers leave your lips when his fingers pinch your stiff peaks.

“Fuck–Kook. I need you inside me.”

“Name’s Hoseok,” he says between kisses.

“Don’t–don’t talk.”

“Anything you want, princess.”

You pulled away with a deadpan expression, breathing a loud sigh.

“You just ruined it.” Of course, he couldn’t have known that you hated that pet name, but that pet name also brought you back to reality.

You drew the strings of your dress back over your shoulders, proceeding to grab the rest of your things. “I’m sorry, Hoseok. I shouldn’t have done this,” you say, looking around for your bra.

“Was it something I said?”

Technically, yes, but also, you were stupid for trying to sleep with a man you had just met. This wasn’t you. You didn’t go around fucking random strangers–you much preferred being in a loving relationship, not one-night stands with men you’d never see again.

“No–it’s me. I’m sorry.”

Quickly, you left the crime scene, slipping into a taxi, still holding your bra because you couldn't put it back on without someone stopping to talk to you. With eyes closed and a loud sigh, your head lolled back on the car’s headrest. The angel on your shoulder was berating you for making bad decisions. The devil told you to return to the man who wanted to sleep with you and show you a good time. Right now, you didn’t want to listen to either of them.

You open your eyes and straighten your posture, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview. The person staring back was unrecognizable—having sunk to the lowest of the lows, unsure if you could pick yourself back up. At this point, you wondered how your friends could even put up with you. You didn’t even want to be around yourself—a pitiful mess you were.

Sundays were brunch days at Yuna and Namjoon’s. It was a tradition the group had organized since the new parents had their hands full.

But you lay in bed, thinking of the many excuses you could give to your best friend to get out of this brunch you had started to loathe. It reminded you of your mother’s family reunion dinners.

You 9:27 AM *cough*cough* I’m not feeling well. I think I drank too much.

Yuna 9:29 AM 😒 Get your ass over here. I don’t care if you’re on your deathbed.

Tae 9:30 AM Dang—mama don’t play. You tell her, Noona!

Hyunie 9:30 AM Seriously, taetae? Why??? Why are you like this? 😑

Joon 9:31 AM I’m making my infamous avocado toast.

Jin 9:32 AM Namjoon cooking? *cough*cough* I’m sick too.

Yuna 9:33 AM Oh! Don’t make me slap all of you through this phone. Everyone be here at 10:30! OR ELSE.

You 9:33 AM Fine…

Jin 9:34 AM Okay—MOM.

Tae 9:34 AM Or else, what? You’ll spank me?

Hyunie 9:35 AM Someone come strangle my husband before I do!!

Even if you were on your deathbed, huh? Apparently, you still had to attend this infamous Sunday brunch.

A notification bell came through your phone, illuminating your screen.

Jin 9:37 AM I can come pick you up.

You 9:38 AM Why? You don’t trust that I’ll go there?

Jin 9:38 AM Nope 🙃 See you soon friend.

The car ride to Yuna’s consisted of nothing but radio silence. Jin looked over, watching you mindlessly observe pedestrians, deep in thought about who knows what. He wanted to interrupt many times but didn’t want to appear insensitive.

“You look like shit,” Taehyung remarked, sitting at the table.

“Thanks, Taehyung. I really appreciate your honesty,” you faked a smile before letting it falter. “FYI—this is what I look like, hungover.”

“You seem to be drinking a lot these days,” Yuna couldn’t help but comment.

“There’s nothing wrong with drinking,” Namjoon responded as he was focused on smashing the avocados in the bowl. He looked up to see his wife glaring at him. “What?” He cleared his throat. “I mean, as long as it’s done in moderation. We don’t want anything bad to happen to our bodies.” He looked over at Yuna again, who was pleased with his answer.

“Maybe just slow down on the mimosas today, babe,” Hyunie interjected when you picked up the tall, slim glass and sipped. Whoever made it went a bit overboard on the champagne. It wouldn’t be your fault, it was whoever made this.

“I’m fine,” you noted. “I’m a big girl, and I can care for myself.”

With her tongue in cheek, Yuna tuts as she spreads the butter on the piece of bread, preparing the pan for the avocado toast.

You wanted to let that slide because she had been like this for the past few months, making snide, snarky comments or saying things under her breath. Maybe motherhood was taking a toll. Maybe she hadn’t had enough sleep. Maybe she, too, was pissed off at the world.

“Do you have something you want to say to me?” You set your glass down, folding your arms across your chest. Maybe you were feeling confident after the sip of orange juice and champagne.

Everyone quieted down, pretending not to let this conversation become awkward, trying to do other things to distract themselves.

Yuna placed the bread into the warm pan, letting it sizzle, but she didn’t answer you. She had wanted to talk to you privately for a while now, but everything was bubbling up to the surface, and she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Namjoon clenched his jaw and lightly elbowed her, giving her the staredown of the century, mouthing, “Not now.”

“Why not? Hmm?” she answers aloud to her husband. “She needs to hear what I have to say.”

He looks at everyone whose eyes are now on the couple in the kitchen. “There’s a time and place if you want to talk, but not in front of everyone,” he said in a hushed tone, quickly glancing at you, then back to his smashed avocados.

“Yuna, if you have something to say, just fucking say it.” You were tired of all these side eyes and unspoken words.

She sighs and then turns off the stovetop, removing the pan from the heat. “It’s been six months, Y/n. Six months since Jungkook left.”

“Yeah, you don’t think I fucking know that? I have to live with that knowledge every day. Why can’t you just leave me the fuck alone and let me drink in peace?” Picking up the glass, you took another sip; the bubbly drink fizzled down your throat. “I’m fine,” you lied. “Sometimes I just want to wallow in all the shit I’m feeling, okay? And be fucking depressed, sad, and hurt. Am I not allowed to do that?”

Hyunie steps closer, grasping your arm. “Of course, you can, but we’re just worried about you and want you to talk to us.”

“What do you want me to say?” You look around the room, trying your best to hold it together. Your tongue darted to lick your lips, teeth nibbling your bottom lip, but the yearning in your heart welled to the surface, just waiting to erupt. “You want me to say that I fucked up? Instead of pushing Jungkook away, I should’ve tried to work through it. That I should've gone to LA to get him back? Well, it's too fucking late. I can't do shit now. He's probably moved on with his life and is doing ten times better than I am."

You let go of Hyunie and sat in the dining chair. "God–I'm so pathetic." You wiped the tears streaming down your face. "I feel so numb, so broken," you said with a shaky voice. "I just want to wake up from this stupid nightmare, but I can't because this is my fucking reality. I know I have no one to blame but myself for this mess."

Everyone looked at you with pity and remorse. Practically watching you fall apart. You didn't want this to happen but knew it eventually would.

Yuna sympathized with her best friend, and she did. But she also had her baby brother to worry about as well. She knew how he was doing–which was much better than you right now, and you were right. He had moved on and was in a better spot, mentally and emotionally.

She walked over to you, placing her hand on yours, gently rubbing the top of your hand. Yuna softly sighed, “I love you, I do. But sometimes I just wanna give you a good smack.”

“Jagi!” Namjoon quips, setting down his fork.

“In a loving way, of course,” she pauses, “I'm sorry things turned out the way they did with you and Jungkook. It hurts me to see you like this–living life so aimlessly. If you want him, go get him. If you don't, then move on.”

“It's not that simple,” you said, turning to her.

“I know—but you have to try. Take it one day at a time. Do something fun. Try something you’ve never done before. Get your mind off everything,” Yuna suggests.

She was right. Since your show had wrapped up and nothing else lined up, you could do as you, please. Maybe you could find a new hobby or travel—it’s been a minute since you had a proper vacation. Honestly, traveling to a secluded place seemed like a dream. But would it be a ruse to run away from your problems, or would it help you move on? Could it be a bit of both?

“I’m sorry, guys. I am.” You look up to your friends who have been supportive these past few months while you were at rock bottom.

Jin, Namjoon, and Taehyung grunted or hummed, acknowledging your apology before distracting themselves with something else.

Hyunie comes in for an embrace. “You’re gonna be okay. I know it.” She pulls away, the corners of her lips curving into a reassuring smile.

“I don’t deserve you guys.”

“You don’t,” Jin jokes, in which Namjoon glares at him. “What?” He stuffs a blueberry in his mouth. “Just saying.”

You were conscious of your choices and actions and aware of the consequences; nevertheless, accepting and coming to terms with them was another matter.

Regardless, if you wanted to get out of this deep, dark hole you’ve dug, no one could help you unless you helped yourself.

With nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see—your life felt like it had no meaning, no purpose.

Do something fun.

Yuna’s voice echoed from the day before. Fun? You didn’t even know what you considered fun anymore. What did you even like besides writing and working? No new films were interesting, at least not enough to make you want to pay to sit in front of the big screen. And you just knew you’d be scrolling through Netflix for hours trying to find something to watch before ultimately giving up. There was no point, you thought.

And since none of those things were riveting, you again found yourself at the bar. At least, it was the first time you’d gone this week. Well—to be honest, the week had just begun.

“Another Moscow mule, please,” you inquired, waving down the bartender. It was only your third one of the night, but given that your speech was becoming unintelligible—you’d be cut off soon.

The bartender nodded, acknowledged your request, and began working on your drink.

You held onto the black straw, mindlessly stirring the ice in the copper mug. Your eyes laser-focused on the bottle sitting behind the bar back—Highland Park, single malt whiskey. You preferred cocktails over straight liquor. You didn’t think you could handle all the alcohol content; hell, you could hardly hold the ones in cocktails.

Next to the shelf of liquor stood a mirror, but you couldn’t recognize the person in the reflection. Who was she? Six months had passed since the breakup, and the person in the mirror looked grim and unhappy. You couldn’t remember the last time you genuinely smiled or even laughed, and you had forgotten what true joy felt like.

This past year drained you emotionally and physically. You weren’t sure you had even gotten through all of it, and storing these traumatic, unpleasant memories in your amygdala only to resurface when you drank, forced you to deal with your emotions and feelings—things you didn’t want to touch. They were too painful and tortuous. It was easier to leave them be, brush them off, pretend that life could go on—but you had to face these memories and feelings sooner rather than later, or you’d never be able to pull yourself out of the hole you had dug.

The soft murmur of your name broke your focus on yourself in the mirror. You turned to see Min Yoongi beside you in a black button-down with a turtleneck underneath.

“Why do you look like you just sat down to be interviewed for a documentary?” You ask without regard to how he is doing or what he was doing at the bar.

Yoongi laughed at your abruptness. “I just came from a meeting with a colleague and came here for drinks, but he had to head out; then I saw you sitting here, so here I am.”

“Mmhm, here you are.” Your eyes lit up when the bartender handed you your drink.

“Can I get a single malt whiskey? Neat.”

You chuckled because you were looking at the bottle the bartender picked up.

“You okay?” Yoongi asked, sitting beside you, his knee slightly brushing against yours before swiveling away in his stool.

It would be easy to say, ‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ and go on the rest of the night indulging in small talk, but did you want to open a can of worms?

You gave your attention to the new Moscow mule sitting before you, stabbing the lime with the black straw and pushing it down to the bottom. You turn to him, “I feel like I’m gonna break down and cry at a moment’s notice.”

For some reason, it felt easier to bare your soul to someone who knew nothing about your life because all your friends quickly judged you and your decisions. But not with Yoongi. He knew the bare minimum about you.

“It’s okay to cry. Just don’t cry alone,” he simply said before thanking the bartender and sipping his whiskey.

Honestly, you hadn’t cried in the past few months. You felt more numb than anything, but the accumulation of your relationship with your mom, infertility, and Jungkook was enough to make you want to break down and give up on everything in life. The weight of it all was coming to a peak, ready to erupt.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” he teased, to which you rolled your eyes. He took another sip, waving for you to continue.

“Do you ever ask yourself what the fuck you’re doing with your life?”

“All the time,” he chuckled. “It’s normal to ask that question. Think about it—we’re living, breathing humans that live on a rock floating through time and space.”

“Yes! Oh my god! I think about that all the time. Why do all of my problems seem so big in my little world? But compared to how big the world is, it seems silly, minuscule, and unimportant. I mean, the person walking down the street probably has bigger problems than me.”

“Mm, that could be true, but don’t minimize your hurt and feelings. It’s important to recognize and learn from those things and let them shape a better you.”

“Why get a shrink when all you need is ‘Min Yoongi’ in your life?” You finally take a sip of your drink, the ice already melting in place, the condensation pooling a rim on the napkin.

He chuckled at your joke. “I’m hardly a therapist. I’ve just—I’ve been where you are, and I’m sorry it sucks, but give it time. You’ll be okay.”

“But, like, how do you know that?”

“Well, I don’t,” he took a swig of his whiskey. “I mean, there aren’t many things in our control, but for the things that are, it’s important to do what we can. We can only manage what’s right in front of us. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next week, or three months from now. Just worry about what’s happening right here, right now. That’s all you can do, you know?”

You recognized the truth behind Yoongi’s words and wanted to believe it. You did. But it was always easier said than done. Maybe you just needed more time, time to find yourself again. Maybe find joy in the little things, in yourself, and become comfortable in your skin without the dissonance of your friends. This time in your life would be as good as any since you had nothing lined up for you, work-wise. There was no one to keep you here in Seoul. You could go anywhere if you wanted to. Would now be the right time to uproot your life and go wherever your heart desired?

Yoongi could see you pondering his words, maybe letting the reality of it all soak in. He chugged the last of his whiskey, setting the glass down. “Come on, let me take you home.”

You lifted your finger, ready to key in your apartment's code, before returning to Yoongi. “Do you wanna come in?”

He hesitated before answering, “I shouldn’t.”

“You’re not going to tuck me in; make sure I don’t drown in my vomit?” Yoongi snickers. “Sorry, I’m not in my right mind right now. You don’t have to come in.”

“You’re not gonna make this easy, are you?”

“I just gave you an out. You can leave if you want, but if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, will you be ready to live with that guilt if something happened to me?” You could’ve easily eliminated the last line but couldn’t help yourself. Let’s blame it on the alcohol for the sudden confidence.

Yoongi’s tongue darted out, licking his lips, the corners of his mouth curving into a smile. He nodded toward your door. “Come on. Let’s get you tucked in.”

“I just want to lay on a nice, warm beach. Or I guess I’ll try to dream of it tonight.”

Yoongi followed you into the bedroom and lunged forward to keep you standing straight before you plopped onto the bed. “I have a vacation home in Phuket if you ever need to get away from here.”

“You do?” Your eyes widen in delight, almost wanting to take up his offer.

“Yeah, Tae and Hyunie went there recently, and I’m only ever there occasionally. Feel free to use it if you’d like.”

“Is this the part where you plan to murder me, and no one will ever find my body?” you joke, referring to when he said he’d take you home the first night you met, even though you hardly knew him then.

“I think you’ve been watching one too many Law and Order episodes, huh?”

You shrug. “You can never be too careful, you know!”

Yoongi laughs. “If I wanted to murder you, I’d have done it already.”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re waiting for the perfect moment. Like when I’m all vulnerable in my bed.” He shows off his gummy smile, a feature you’ve come to appreciate. “You should smile more often. You have a really pretty smile.”

He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle as he turned away from you. Through the short time, he’s known you, you were never this honest with him.

You sigh. "Can I skip to the part where everything will be okay again?"

Yoongi kneeled by your bedside and flashed a closed-lipped smile before scanning over your features. Apparently, you were just full of questions tonight, but he didn’t mind. "Where you are now is not where you'll always be."

He seemed so positive and empathetic toward your situation, which you were grateful for. It's possible he was just being kind, but he had plenty more to say. He was almost like your personal fortune cookie, always ready with an answer.

"That's easy for you to say." You snuggled deeper into your fluffy pillow, pulling the duvet under your chin.

"Mm–yeah, it is," he chuckled. "Well, there's a high chance that the future you want never happens, and if you put too much meaning into it, it'll torment you."

“Gee, thanks,” you said dryly. 

“You know what I mean.”

You stick out your tongue in protest, pulling the duvet over your head. “Just say I’m being pathetic. I can handle it,” you lie, muffled through the sheets. You were one step away from losing your shit.

Yoongi cleared his throat, lifting the duvet so he could say goodbye. He could see the sadness in your eyes when you looked back at him, and he only knew what you were going through because Kim Taehyung had a big mouth and shared whatever details he knew about you and your ex-boyfriend. But he never wanted to press you further unless you wanted to share.

“Well, I’m gonna head out. It looks like you’re tucked in safely and not dying, so...”

He proceeded to stand, but you sat up, grabbing his hand, your hand lingering longer than usual. Your eyes focused on his plush lips, then you moved in, closing your eyes for a kiss, but he pulled away.

“I’m sorry.” He stood, taking another step toward the door. “You’re cool, but I don’t kiss people when they’re not sober.”

Your cheeks become warm, your gaze avoiding his. “I’m sorry. As you can probably tell, I’m not in the right mind frame, and I’m very susceptible to handsome men when they’re sweet.”

Yoongi flashed a thin smile. “It’s okay. I’ll pretend nothing happened,” he remarked, waving his hand again before leaving you alone in your bedroom.

When you heard the front door closed, you grabbed your pillow and screamed into it. Why was kissing someone always your answer when feeling shitty about yourself? At this point, Yoongi probably found you as foolish as one could be. He probably wondered how and why Hyunie and Taehyung continued to be friends with someone like you.

You set the pillow aside, sliding under your covers, thinking about the question you asked Yoongi earlier at the bar.

What the fuck are you doing with your life?

So much of your adulthood was spent trying to survive your childhood and the trauma that came with it, and as you became an adult, you hoped the person you had become would be the person you needed when you were a child. But in reality, you felt like an imposter. The adult version of you was trying her best to be what that little girl needed, though ultimately, you failed her.

You knew deep down inside that you needed to stop whatever this path of destruction was, stop blaming others, not wait to be rescued, and most of all, stop refusing to participate fully in life. You had friends who became like family to you, who loved you no matter what you did. Was that not enough?

Inevitably, you were aware that no one could save you but yourself. You’d spent your life stuck in this endless cycle that no one had created but yourself.

You stopped before you started. You gave up before you even attempted. You talked yourself out of it before you got into it.

In retrospect, you knew you were also at fault regarding Jungkook. You sabotaged your relationship because you couldn’t bear the pain. But what if you had tried and given everything, and it worked out?

But as Yoongi said, it’s better not to dwell on a future that may not happen. Otherwise, you’d continue this endless cycle of torment.

✨ a/n 3: so, how are we doing? how are we feeling? do we have any theories on what'll happen next? what do we think about yoongi? let me know (:

also! i still plan on doing the podcast episode, so start thinking of questions, comments, rambles/rants (:

✨ next ~ 17 ~ one year later

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

cw / ed

it’s just hard for me to genuinely believe u care as much as u say when u keep making “jokes” even after ive explained to u so many times how much it hurts me OVER and OVER when i HATE opening up to ppl so even setting tht boundary was hard asf!!!😭😭😭 u know how hard i worked to get in recovery and how it’s been even harder to actually STAY there. u know all the stories abt how my disorder tore my relationship w my family and my old friends about. yet u constantly say triggering shit ON A LOOP EVERY DAY with no fucking warning. bc i had the audacity to be vulnerable for once in my fucking life and open up to u abt my insecurities? then u say my trust issues in general are unfounded and “crazy” when U PERPETUATE THEM. just say u liked me better when i was sicker at this point instead of beating around the bush. for fucks sake

and these r supposed to be my ppl, the closest friends i’ve ever had in my life yet they constantly make me so uncomfortable with the things they say abt my habits and the tidbits they know abt my struggles w mental health. they’re so so great otherwise but then there’s this and no matter how much i explain it they never stop? it hurts so much. and it comes in sprees too; where they just basically bully me constantly for a week and i hav no idea where it came from or how to stop it. i don’t want to let a few idiotic comments interfere wifh all the progress i’ve made but fuck. i decide to treat myself w a lil dessert and there’s a comment. i walk outside in literally any outfit and it’s “oh u better lay off the [whatever food they saw me eating recently] or that’s not gonna fit anymore lol!” i genuinely. don’t understand. iv explained to them hey im in recovery from anorexia after multiple years of struggling w it, ik it’s just jokes to u guys but it really hurts me. nope nothing. the running gag in the friend group is basically that im fat and ugly. that’s their favorite bit nd when they remember how funny it is Oh am i in for a long couple of weeks.

and idk maybe they dont mean it. maybe they rly just think it’s funny; maybe they think there’s nothing wrong w my body so commenting on it is a funny joke bc of the contrast but idrc honestly. one of them even HAS body dysmorphia (and knows i do too!) and STILL does it. like shouldn’t you understand how fucking DAMAGING tht is? its all so hurtful to me in so many ways nd i can’t stop thinking about it. they know i struggle w sh and suicidal thoughts too yet keep this up. like shouldn’t u know that’s gonna make it worse??? i don’t rly have any interest in seeing them if this keeps up. i don’t wanna eat around them or even exist around them if they keep doing this. i feel rly sick. i don’t want to think this is genuinely how my best friends feel abt me and they think it’s ok but. :( i can’t help it. i rly don’t know what to think

[queenimmadolla]

This isnt a question about the book but i was wondering, how do you get yourself into a writing flow?

I started my blog in a bad headspace and continuously visit it in that headspace that i dont know how to get out of

My writing is coming out seriously unreadable and i know im a good writer but i can barely verbalize myself and its just coming out as spewage on paper

I understand my problem but i was just curious if you have general tips on what helps you to get into that natural flow xx

I know what you mean. I started this blog when I was in a really bad space mentally, physically, and emotionally, and all I wanted to do was escape into Hawkins (ironic since most people write about their characters wanting to leave it) so I’d write A LOT. Like I was popping these fics out. It was the only time I didn’t have to be hella high—most of the time—to calm my raging anxiety and thoughts (though I was plenty high during this period of my life, but I didn’t have to be high to write about Eddie, like I did to function as a human being).

Now, with the environment here and things as they are, I kinda resorted to getting high again to find enjoyment in posting and being here, and I also get high to write. BUT. I’m trying to break that. And it’s kind of working so I’ll share:

I love ST4 but I do not have the time to constantly rewatch it. So I look up a compilation of Eddie’s scenes on YouTube, and it works every time. Seeing him, hearing him drags me right back in when I’m sure I’ve lost motivation/muse/what you will. And playlists, create a little soundtrack for your story, imagine it like a movie! What’s playing in the background of this scene? Does the entire fic carry the vibe of a song I’ll gladly listen to on loop until the end for? And I’m a maladaptive dreamer, babe. I fantasize and daydream the whole time I’m writing, really helps me get everything down when I feel like i’m watching it play out in front of me.

And don’t beat yourself up about how it’s reading, if it doesn’t read like what you usually write. Sometimes you just have to get what you have out of your head out on a doc. And you might not like how it reads, but plenty of others will. (I say this like I don’t have over 50+ things I’ve written and haven’t posted bc I didn’t like them lol) That’s not to say that you can’t revisit the work later when you feel like you can make some improvements to it! (Hence why I answer requests like 7 months later, sorry guys!!!)

And maybe the spewing is your style! There’s nothing wrong with that, there’s so many different styles of writing and a lot of my friends and people I admire come up with the most AMAZING SHAKESPEAREAN works, while I kind of just write how I talk and think and you can kind of make out the movie period that had the most effect on me from it, lol. And there’s nothing wrong with that or either because both are good! There’s SO MANY MORE than just those two types, btw. So many. And that’s the best thing about writing and sharing what you write, embracing this differences and perspectives is so refreshing and joyous. My style changes quite a bit, though. It used to upset me but I stopped fighting it and just started rolling with it. And people seem to like it. Me included. Hope this helps a little, and drop me a link when you post!!!!

If anyone else has some advice, please add to our discussion!

[cologneddick]

i firmly believe in the fact that people don’t need to justify why they like a certain fictional character, but i wanted to add to the sea of posts about fans relating to billy or knowing people who were like billy. this is preettttyyy longgg and i don’t really know if anyone will even read it but i felt pensive and kinda sentimental tonight :)

i grew up in the early 90s in a chaotic family environment with guardians that had a lot of undiagnosed mental issues. as a neglected kid, my eldest sibling manipulated me at a young age to be ‘on their side’ and to run away from home. i spent my teenage years living with this very volatile person. like neil, she wanted to control all aspects of my life and she’d give me a proper beating if i so much as shared an opinion that she didn’t agree with or if i came home late from a rare day out with friends. my salary from my job would go straight to her account since she was the one who gave me the job in the first place, she would influence what i wore, what media i consumed etc. she was terribly religious, racist, homophobic and just a bigot overall. but when i was young, i never knew how it truly felt to be cared for so she was the only person who i thought loved me. i was conditioned to think she was wise, always right and that if i thought different, i was stupid and wrong. i never fought back whenever she would hurt me because i knew that would just prolong the misery and that she was giving me a beating ‘because i deserved it’. plus she was much louder, bigger and stronger than me.

and so i adapted her ugly world views. i was racist against the same people she was racist against, i was misogynistic, i was religious and i repressed my bisexuality cause she said it was disgusting for a girl to be attracted to other girls. deep inside those were things i had a feeling were wrong, but my faith in my abuser was stronger. my frustration in my conflicted beliefs came out in self-destructive ways. i was always angry, i self-harmed, my emotions were all over the place. i got nasty with other people who so much as badmouthed by abuser. my brain was probably messed up from all the times i was kicked by her in the head or hit against a wall lol.

my folks and extended family knew what was going on. a few of my friends had suspicions of what was going on, i think? no one really did anything or went against my abuser cause they were all scared to be the target of her anger. my friends didn’t want to talk about when i let slip what was really happening. they met my eldest sister and she didn’t look like someone who was violent. plus this was happening in the early-2000s in a 3rd world country in southeast asia. not exactly the most progressive place for things like domestic abuse and mental health awareness. i think out of everyone who knew, only ONE person stood up to her and tried to help me. my eleven, i’d like to think. :)

what broke the cycle was college. friends in college. and that one friend i had who tried to help me.

reluctantly, my abuser allowed me to go to college. i paid my own way and in those hours of the day i was away from her and spent time with wiser friends, i started to realize how messed up things were. i met people who weren’t as mean and who seemed to enjoy my company. who genuinely liked me. who called me out gently about my shitty world views.

they gave me the strength to stand up to my abuser and leave her when i was 23. i went back to my folks.

you know what my mom told me? the same thing all the billy antis are spewing all over the place. that i deserved it. i deserved to get beat up and manipulated like that cause i was stupid.

it took me a lot of years and a lot more time with real friends before i stopped hating myself for that and realized… i wasn’t stupid. i was a KID.

i’m no longer any of those terrible things my abuser insisted i be. racist, homophobic, misogynistic etc. but it took time away from her, time to heal and love from friends to help me grow out of that. i’m still growing 10 years later. the plain truth the antis don’t seem to realize is that you’re not just born fucking ‘woke’. sometimes you’re raised by fucked-up people who feed you poison and you don’t realize that ‘til you’re dying from it.

it’s just fiction and it’s just an accidentally realistic portrayal of a fascinating character from writers who suck, but this is why there’s no reason for billy to not be a better person if he had time, friends and love. he already did when he died for people who weren’t even his friends for fuck’s sake lol. he literally could not have done more.

recently while going through billy discourse on twitter, i almost spiraled into good ol’ depression when i saw quote retweet after quote retweet of sentiments echoing what my mom told me and more. ‘billy and billy fans deserve to die. billy fans are shallow and should kill themselves. billy deserved to suffer.’ i ALMOST spiraled into depression until i realized these are dumbass kids who don’t know shit lol. i don’t care what they think. i block every anti i come across now on all social media and it’s been great. they’d probably enable abuse in real life and i don’t care to know them.

people in the harringrove and billy fandom are who i, a past angry victim of abuse, feel safe with. billy fans who never went thru abuse or who didn’t know someone like that irl but they understand him just because they have basic human decency and common sense. this is the only part of the ST fandom i trust. in a way, billy has become a litmus test of which fans have decent morals. cause i know these are the only kind of people who would’ve helped someone like me and like billy if they ever met them in real life. i’m glad you guys exist and i’m really grateful to have found this special place in this huge unhinged fandom. i know it’s just a show and it’s not that deep, but to some people like me, it means a whole lot. ❤

[twancingyunhao]

I posted 5,349 times in 2022

720 posts created (13%)

4,629 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@atzupdates

@hanatiny

@twancingyunhao

@takashi0

@beardedmrbean

I tagged 690 of my posts in 2022

#ateez - 127 posts

#yunho - 100 posts

#jeong yunho - 95 posts

#ateez yunho - 78 posts

#seventeen - 67 posts

#yunniebear - 30 posts

#yuyubear - 26 posts

#ask game - 25 posts

#svt - 24 posts

#lets svtreamday - 22 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#no one is required to write at a certain speed or a certain part of a series because you are stressed about it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

if you’re still taking request, may i please request body worship with yunho, but it’s reader worshipping yunho’s body? his tall figure, soft tummy, his adorable tofu arms (that are also very toned lol), his broad chest and gorgeous neck (not to mention that delicious booty and big d*ck lol)… every inch of him is just… ahhh i’m losing it!! please? i’m just so in love with all of him!!

HELLO AND I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR THE WAIT ON THIS. Here we have the SFW version of this. A NSFW version will be released on my other blog at an undetermined date. But I hope you like it!

TRUE PERFECTION

Yunho x gn! Reader

Genre: fluff, so much fluff

Word count: 312

You had been watching him closely all day. Your eyes roaming seemingly every inch of his body, a flush adorning your cheeks as you take in his toned arms (but not too toned, still soft and comforting.) You mentally raved about his lovely bread-like cheeks.  Heart skipping a beat as your eyes lingered on his beautiful hands, the fingers that encompassed your own, making you feel safe and warm.  You reached for his hand, putting it flush against your palm and loving how big it was compared to yours, the true visual of just how much comfort and love Yunho was full of.  Trailing your hands down his arm and back up to set lightly on his chest, which was beautifully firm, yet still felt perfectly like home, you felt the rumble of him chuckling.

"Y/N, what are you up to?" He muttered, moving his hand, that was so shockingly gentle for something so large, from it's place in your hair–where it was previously giving a tender scalp massage to try and ease your tension– to your chin, tilting your head up so you could meet his eyes.  

His gorgeous eyes, like pools of warm chocolate filled with adoration that he saved for you.  You reached a hand up and laid a finger lightly on his cherry lips, soft and full, pressing lightly.

"Yuyu, I'm sorry.  You're just…. You're so perfect? How did I ever manage to get your love?" 

Laughter.  Roaring laughter as Yunho hid his face in your neck, dropping a soft kiss with those plush lips. "Darling, I ask myself the same thing everyday when I look at you." 

And as he pulled back up to smile at you with the most tender and sickeningly sweet smile, he found you trapped in your adoration yet again, only this time, he was trapped in his own adoration of you.

Taglist : @hanatiny @big-tiddie-squad @serialee @yunhofingers-writes @atinywrites @kpophoneybunny

If you want added to a taglist, let me know! Or if you want to be removed please!

63 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#4

Ateez as Dads

Seonghwa

The over-protective and strict dad

Probably would want to be a stay at home dad once he retires from Ateez. Definitely if he wasn't in Ateez.

Literally Mr. Mom

Does all the laundry and chores, leaves you with bedtime and diapers though

Overall a very sweet and tender dad

Hongjoong

Very chill dad

Spends a lot of time at the studio so wants to spend free time with the baby having a relaxed and fun time

Does not want to scold

But will if needed. He'll definitely give "that" look to try and tone it down first though

Loves when you and the bebes visit him at the studio, before both of you beg him to come home.

Just honestly a tired simp

Yunho

His energy transfers to his child

You are now left taking care of two crazies

He doesn't stop moving, he and the baby always dancing

That child would be his pride and joy

You see nothing but love and adoration in his eyes

Gladly tires the baby out before bed, hoping to make your job easier

Honestly, seeing you take care of both of them makes him love you more

Yeosang

I thing Yeo would be the cool dad

Teaching his kids to skateboard, play basketball

Definitely the sport dad

Super supportive about everything they do

Not the most affectionate physically, but would show them endless love through his support

I love dad yeosang

San

See the full post

67 notes - Posted April 26, 2022

#3

Ateez missing you on tour

Hyung line part 1

Hongjoong

Your phone rang as you were doing your nightly clean up routine, light excitement bubbling up in your gut as you run for your phone which was left behind on your bed. With a muted oomph, opened the face time call, seeing Hongjoong pouting on the screen. Naturally, this elicited a pout of your own, never wanting to see the one you love looking down.

"Joong baby, it's 8:00 am for you, why do you already look so down?" He whines at your soft tone, pushing his bottom lip out further before throwing himself back on his bed.

"Y/N, it's only two weeks in and I'm having withdrawals from your hugsssss." He rolls around slightly, childishly, causing you to giggle.

"Hongjoong, you can do this. And just know when you get back, you'll have as many hugs as I can give waiting!" His lips turned upward, still trying to pout even though your words lifted his heart.

"You know just what to say, y/n. I love you, I miss you so much, and I can't wait to be back home. Just a few weeks." He smiled, before your conversation turned to talking about your day and his concert, as well as sight seeing experiences from the previous.

See the full post

106 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#2

Hii, can i request ateez as boyfriends headcanon, pls? 🤧

Ateez as boyfriends

Seonghwa

Probably the most protective boyfriend ever.

Like not even in the way of being overprotective around other people

Protective over EVERYTHING

"y/n, that's a brand new knife, don't you use it without me there!"

Loves to give you forehead kisses

Not too big into PDA but will gladly hold your hand ALWAYS

Museum dates, expect to be told YOU are the art.

Hongjoong

Very relaxed relationship.

Enjoys being taken care of just as much as he enjoys taking care of you

Not big on going out on too many big dates since he is so tired after studio time.

Just wants to be sit at home, legs tangled together, watching a movie

Nose kisses. Lovessss nose kisses.

Just a soft boi all-around

Yunho

The SOFTEST boy ever.

Loves PDA. Kisses in front of everyone, hand on your waist always.

Literally can't help but putting kisses all over your face any time he gets a chance.

Arcade dates. Will try to hold back when playing games so you can win.

But when it comes to DDR, it is on. No reservations.

You may be his baby, but please baby him 🥺

Yeosang

Another soft boy.

Spends alot of time playing with your hair.

Also enjoys you playing with his hair.

See the full post

126 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ateez as husbands

Seonghwa

Doting. You(and any mini-hoomans) will always be top priority

He is the type to have to have a SPOTLESS house. (def can't relate)

Stresses fairly easy, but loves when you massage his scalp and just melts

Will make you fancy milk baths with lavender oil and shit.

Honestly just a 10/10 hubby

Hongjoong

He loves you so much

He works. ALOT. And with that being the case, he isn't home much

But when he is, he makes sure to make the days all about together time

He loves when you make a surprise visit to the studio. Likes to go home together after that, knowing he can sleep comfortably next to you

I just know he has an audio file folder lightened "for my person"

Yunho

He is so goofy.

The type to surprise you by shooting a nerf dart at you when you'd least expect it.

Purposefully makes it awkward when he sees you changing.

Begs you weekly for a spiderman marathon

LOVES when you go to practice with him and join in the dancing.

Loves even more when the serious dancing turns into playful slow dancing

Yeosang

He seems very aloof, but it's truly the softest baby

Wants to do little things together at home. Cooking together, self care days, bathing together

Would absolutely take you for a skateboard ride.

And take joy in playing some basketball one on one

Would also like to have a low-key gaming day

He's just a very laid back husband, lines taking things at his own stride

San

He's the baby in the marriage

He wants to be taken care of just as much as he wants to take care of you

See the full post

234 notes - Posted June 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[akillysheel]

❝ Were you serious? ❞ ( 6/75 )

Summary:  In the end, he did let her know he was okay. Characters:  Kip, Jagger. Prompt:  ❝ Were you serious? ❞ Warnings: N/A

A/N:  Sorry for the break between uploads.  I was dealing with a uhhhhh ~Mental Breakdown~ lol.  I’m slowly getting myself back together, but please just be patient for a couple of weeks while I get back into the groove again!

Success has a glorious way of putting her to sleep.  Though her slot in the bar had been brief–  a measly fifteen minutes on stage, it had taken longer to set up than it had to perform–  it had left its mark.  The applause echoes in her mind as she gradually enters the world of the living once more, vision blurred and fluffy until her bland white ceiling comes into focus.

One day, these gigs will pay off.  She tells herself this day in and day out, if only because it keeps her hopeful.  The life of an artist is a painful one, one destined for ignorance and underappreciation, but she loves music too much to give it up.  As long as she's still alive to do so, she'll continue to make it in spite of the fact that it seems rather fruitless;  it's all she can do, and all she has to offer the world in turn.

If not this, what?

Still hazy with sleep, Kip retrieves her phone from beneath her pillow and clicks the power button.

[ 2 MESSAGES  →  JAG. ] [ 1 VOICEMAIL  →  JAG. ]

The memory of the previous night hits her like a truck, heart beginning to race as she recalls his clumsy stagger and his hazy eyes, the image of him driving turning into a wreckage that she can’t fully visualise--  because she isn’t brave enough to.   Even now, she can’t quite believe she’s seen him in any other state than perfect.   It feels similarly to seeing a teacher outside of school.  Eerie, if only because the concept of them having a life outside of their job has never hit you in the way that it does in that moment.  They’re a complex person, with their own thoughts and feelings, and you never stopped to realise it because you were too busy stressing about trigonometry.  In that same vein, she’s never viewed Jagger as somebody that exists outside of his debaucherous career.  He's always well-dressed, well-groomed and ruthlessly articulate.  Sharp, like a knife, and with the temperament to match.  What she'd seen last night had been nothing short of sloppy--  a glimpse behind the curtain that she’d never asked to see beyond.

Hurriedly, she beats her thumb against the notification, cursing the lag of her old model as they load at a snail’s pace.

[ TEXT  →  JAG. ] I made it hpme. [ TEXT  →  JAG. ] Don't piss your pwnts.  Assignment tomorrowq.

Kip stares at the messages with a look of begrudging awe.  Even in the throes of inebriation, he retains his snippy tone, and she can’t quite figure out whether to be impressed, annoyed or relieved.  Most likely some cryptic amalgamation of the three.

He got assignment right but not pants?

With a quiet snort of laughter, she throws her legs over the side of her bed and drags herself from beneath her covers.  If he’s indeed going to follow through on the whole assignment shtick, she at least wants a slice of toast in her.  Trying to do Jagger’s bidding is made even more insufferable by hunger.

A generous helping of butter is drawn across her toast before she hops up onto the counter and nibbles at one corner as she scrolls through her social media feed.  Fourteen new likes.  One new comment.  It doesn’t take long for her mind to drift from the pictures of cute animals and crass jokes flooding her timeline, brain steadily filling with visions of what Jagger’s going to want from her this time.  One day, she fears she’s going to fall too far down the rabbit hole;  find herself neck-deep in dirty darkness that she no longer wants to escape from.  Holding a wrapped shipment of spice had almost been too much for her to handle.  How the hell is she going to manage anything more incriminating?  Even if Jagger can keep her clean in the eyes of the police, she’s still been exposed to things she can never forget.  Doors she can never fully close.  People she can never fully wipe from her memory.  Some things run deeper than the law.  In fact, they tunnel beneath it and emerge on the other, darker side, nails dull and muddy, teeth sharp and spiteful.  Kip knows that.  She’s been one of them  -  and at the rate she’s going, she will be again.

Her mind drifts uneasily to the voicemail.  She’s never been nervous to open one before–  not even when she and her brother have had fights–  yet she can’t help but worry.  She may be playing a glorified maid at the moment, but when things get real and Jagger requires an extra set of hands, she can only imagine the horrible things he’ll make her do.

With evident apprehension, she forces what’s left of her breakfast down before belligerently clicking on the notification.

                                          YOU HAVE…  ONE, NEW MESSAGE!

“Kip, listen…  that song you played at the bar, was that yours?  I’ve never heard anythin’ like it before.  I searched some of the lyrics but nothin’ turned up,”  Jagger slurs, his voice low and thick before the sound of shuffling consumes the line. At first, it’s nondescript and quiet, but she quickly identifies it as bed sheets rustling.  It relieves her to know that he hadn’t been drinking when he sent this;  he’d already been drunk behind the wheel, the last thing he needed to be doing was trying to talk on the phone too.  “Can’t stop playin’ it over and over in my head.  Think I took that bassline home with me.  I’m thinkin’ of you;  you-- singing, I mean.”

Clumsy.

Her brow furrows as she listens to him toss and turn, mumbling incoherently as he does.  His message brings with it an indescribable warmth.  It settles in her cheeks, the same way it does when she receives praise from someone she hopes to impress, and it stays there in a way she’s not felt before.  Jagger is a hard man to please.  She’s barely seen him crack a smile since their unfortunate meeting, nevermind lavish somebody with genuine wonderment.  A pleased little smirk forms on her face;  smug, upturned like she really is some sort of posh snoot.

Jagger clears his throat on the recording, and it makes her straighten up.  As if he’s right next to her to smother her ego. 

“Bring me a copy of that song on a disc.  I want to play it in my van.”

Abruptly, the message ends, and she listens to the automated voice ask her what she wants to do with the voicemail as she struggles to close her mouth.  From beginning to end, his words were a mess…  but they were undoubtedly honest, and that’s what matters to her.  People like to blame their loosened filters on being drunk, but Kip knows better.  She knows that intoxication makes people brave, not liars, and not even someone as supposedly flawless as Jagger is exempt from this shameful truth.  The things he’d said…  she knows he’d never say them without some sort of failsafe.  It’s not like I knew I was complimenting you, dipshit.  I was shit-faced.  She hears it so clearly in her head that she scoffs outwardly, her smile large and audacious.

Now her only question is whether she really should burn him a CD containing her song or not.  Sober, she doubts Jagger will appreciate her smarmy attitude.  He may very well snap it in two right in front of her, and that will hurt her more than she cares to admit.

After considering her options, she types out an impish set of texts and hits send before she can think better of it.

[ TXT  →  KIP. ]  Still thinking of me, bossman? =P [ TXT  →  KIP. ]  Were you serious about the disc by the way?  I can totally burn you one.

Oh, he’s going to give her hell for that one, whether it was well-played or not.  She can feel that much in her soul.  In spite of this, just picturing his stupid face as he reads her texts is enough to make her climb into the shower with a smile.  

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[gothicayomi]

Just to be clear can we follow up if we want? :0 came from ur American psycho fic lol but love ur vibes and aesthetic 😌

Oh wow, I didn’t think anyone would come here from that place lol. Yeah it’s all good :)

I know I’ve gotten a lot of people asking me to update the story. I do have half of the next chapter ready. It just sucks because I’ve had writer’s block for over a year and I just don’t know how to get out of it, writing just isn’t fun for me like it once was. Maybe I’ll gain motivation and inspiration soon. I’ll admit, these past few weeks I’ve been lowkey sad and I’m suffering LOL

Also, I’ve been incredibly busy— after my mental breakdown two years ago, things just spiraled. This last September I did end up moving into a housing program where I’m currently safe and secure. My schedule is always full though smfh and I don’t got insurance, and it sucks because I got some physical health problems I need taken care of. My main focus these days is volunteer work and school— I just started taking classes for a welding certification and I’m having a crisis cuz idk if it’s something I actually want to do, but I’m not the one who paid for the classes and supplies LMFAOOOOOO so I’m really beating myself up over that to the point where I want to die. I also kind of put my family and especially my cousin on the back burner because she’s the devil incarnate. Her mistreatment toward me really fucked me up and I’m still trying to Work Through That.

There’s other stuff too but I’m not trynna ramble the whole time lol. Basically: shit never fucking ends, man. :|

I didn’t mean to ramble lmfao but yeah that’s an update on yours truly. Thanks for stopping by, it’s sweet to know there are still people who enjoy my works despite how terribly written they are. I really do want to get back into writing and I think about it all the time but I just either don’t have a clear schedule or I’m too mentally exhausted to use my brain. Also thank you— I kind of just rb whatever 🤠 but yeah tyyyy for checking in!!

[southernandreckless]

Ugh. First off stop beating yourself up and calling yourself a whore. Second, my only advice is you have to be honest with yourself and whoever you’re messing with. Theres nothing wrong with exploring options and figuring out what you want only when you go in to the situations with honest conversations. We’re all adult and if they can’t accept what you have to say about the journey you’re on then they’re not the one for you. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You don’t have to have everything figured out in one day. Give yourself grace honey. Most of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing in life, it’s okay as long as you learn and give yourself space to grow. I’ve seen you grow so much but also seen you self sabotage because you don’t feel like you deserve the best. You do though. What happened to the girl in Killeen?

You know I feel the same exact way.. Can’t shake you from my thoughts and it just amplifies everytime we talk. Every single time.

I’m okay other than my anxiety has been a 10 most days. Smoking has been giving me panic attacks so I’ve tried to slow down. Not sure if it’s making me worse mentally or better lol. Im really really trying to beat all this mental stuff myself but I might have to ask my doctor to get on some anxiety meds because it’s been taking over my life and everything I do. It’s the worst feeling. I’ve been having nightmares and waking up in a puddle of sweat every night so even when I’m sleeping I’m not okay. I’ve been under a lot of stress because of everything in my life right now so until I can fix all the things causing me stress I might be like this for a while. It’s discouraging but you know me, I got this even when I don’t.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #120

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Uh... I don't remember? I'll do that soon though for my first tattoo appointment.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Would you judge a grown adult for doing so? No to both.

Would you rather read an erotic novel or watch an erotic film? I mean, honestly neither, but if I had to pick one it'd be a novel.

Do you still have both of your parents? Thankfully, yes.

Do you play video games? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid and teenager.

Does your significant other boss you around a lot? Hell fucking no, he knows I wouldn't allow that and I also know he doesn't want to do that to me.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Twice, yeah. I recently learned that I WON'T be able to be put to sleep for my wisdom teeth extraction because it is just impossibly expensive for us, and one especially HAS to come out because it has a very deep cavity that is going to kill the tooth and cause me hell if it stays in.

[TW: SUICIDE] Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes.

Have you ever skipped class before? No, not just one specific class. I'd rarely skip school by staying home, almost only ever because of mental health or more rarely being absolutely insanely tired, but Mom normally wouldn't allow that. Oh, I think I also usually did get to stay home on my bday.

Who, in your life, makes you feel discouraged? Myself, more than absolutely anyone else. I don't let (other) people stay in my life anymore that do that to me.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Well, my grandmothers died of different cancers, but neither I was very close to at all (I actually hated Mom's mom) for multiple reasons. Did Dad's dad die of cancer too? I can't remember, but I barely knew him either.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, when I was way younger. We actually got real close to big trouble on the road Friday; we were the first in line at a stop light and across from us, an 18-wheeler carrying some metal stuff turned in front of us, but way too sharply, and he tipped entirely onto two wheels, very barely managing to get back upright. Both Mom and I nearly had a fucking heart attack and both of our anxieties were very elevated for a while, like she was about to shift the car into reverse to back the hell up.

What was the last film you watched, that made you feel emotional? I have no idea. I basically never watch movies.

Does anyone you know ever recommend books to you? No.

What traits/behaviors do your pets have, that you find cute? Strongest is Cookie's tendency to get EXTREMELY excited when she merely suspects Mom or both of us are leaving. She is crazy for car rides, and she'll immediately start running between us, pushing our legs, doing this weird hyperventilation thing chihuahuas do when they get so excited their tiny bodies basically can't handle it haha, and will jump right into her carrier and stare at Mom, waiting to be picked up. Cookie also tends to prefer toys that are bigger than her, and watching her try to beat up like her big sloth or cow is the cutest shit. As for Roman, when we get home, he'll saunter into the living room and just plop down onto the floor in this uniquely content way, like he's just happy we're home and wants to chill with us. He stretches out and will frequently start rolling around/playing on the floor basically, lol. Also since being a kitten, he loves to sleep like as close to my face as he can get, normally. Lastly, Venus. This isn't exactly super unique to a snake, but it's still cute: when I handle her, oftentimes she loves to try to go into my shirt to be against my skin and stay warmer (I'm very convinced this literally saved her life once in a power outage we had), and back when I used to use my laptop in bed, she was great about snuggling up against me and just chilling there for basically ever, lol. She's a sweet girl.

Is there anyone who "likes" a lot of your posts online, but you don’t talk? Yeah, ig.

What was the last song that you recall singing along to? Pretty sure it was "Love Stuck" by Mother Mother the other day.

Have you ever been in your kitchen naked? No.

This time last year, what was your relationship status? I was still with Girt.

Did you reject or accept your last friend request? Reject, I think. Pretty sure it was some random guy I'd never met and had no mutuals with, gotta love those.

Are you sure of your sexuality? I AM sure I'm at least queer, and while I'm quite certain I am specifically pansexual, I don't think I'd ever truly know until I had a legit sexual experience with a feminine person.

What was the last compliment that you got? The person who worked with me for PT today told me I did great.

Do you know anyone with a really weird name? In almost all cases, I don't like to think of names as "weird," because generally they are given with great love and consideration and are important to those who named them, so I think it's pretty mean to consider someone's name weird. Now yes, there are exceptions, there are rare cases where names are given carelessly or even as a "joke," but generally, you get my mindset.

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? Basically.

What’s the worst hangover you’ve ever had? I've never had one, actually.

Who in your family are you closest to? My mom.

Ever sat in someone’s lap because there were no more seats in a vehicle? I remember doing this with Jason once.

What do you tend to drink a lot of? Flavored carbonated water.

If you were going out for a meal, what restaurants would you typically AVOID going to? Seafood and foreign, generally. There are times I'm fine with some foreign food, but on your average day, if you ask where I wanna go, I'm gonna pick American cuisine.

Name a song you enjoy that’s in a language other than English. Basically Rammstein's entire discography lmao but for this question I'm gonna go with "Zeit," I think the vocals are fucking fantastic and sincerely beautiful in it. I feel like German has a rep for being an ugly-sounding language, which I don't agree with in general, but I cannot imagine someone calling the vocals "ugly" in that one.

Did you ever have head lice as a child? Quite positive no.

Do you like/listen to Queen? Do you have a favourite song by them? I adore Queen; Freddie Mercury is my favorite vocalist to ever live. This is probably like, EVERYONE'S answer, but I adore "Bohemian Rhapsody," but also "Killer Queen" and "Headlong" are high up on the list.

Do you have any idea when you’ll next attend a wedding? Whose will it be? Nope, but if I had to guess I really do think it's probably gonna be my own lmao. Girt visited his grandmother two days back and she's officially joined the party of asking when we're getting married haha.

What was the best job you’ve ever had? I've never had a job I even liked.

Do you have a troublesome medical condition? Above all, severe depression and anxiety. My AvPD is also very noteworthy with how it affects my life, and I still deal with the effects of relationship trauma. OH, I was so focused on my mental stuff that I almost forgot uh hey, my leg health also MAJORLY affects my life and what I can do, etc. Lastly, my weight plays a massive part in my poor self-image and super severely contributes to my depression.

Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral; I consider that my second-favorite color. I love all of these, though.

Do you like the color orchid? Yes! I love basically every conceivable shade of pink, haha.

Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? It's my literal dream to be a nature photographer. Once upon a time I was aiming for wedding photographer, but only for the pay; I'm just not social enough for that shit.

Have you ever had an ulcer? None other than those you sometimes get in your mouth from like, biting your cheek.

Do you enjoy writing essays? I actually do, quite a lot.

What is your favorite name that starts with a "Z?" Probably Zane.

Do you believe that God’s plans for you are better than you could ask, think, or imagine? "God's" plan involves giving kids cancer and allowing pre-teen girls to be knocked up by rapists, fuck his "plans."

Would you want your first child to be a girl or a boy? If I decide I want children, I want a girl so much more than a boy that I'd almost be tempted to do IVF so long as my husband was still the biological dad, I've no idea how the rules of that process work. Super unlikely I'd actually do it though because I don't care quite enough to invest money in that.

Do you think you have what it takes to be a good salesperson? I've been in this position and I can ASSURE you I am the worst salesperson imaginable lmao.

Which name do you like better: Jessica or Jennifer? Jessica.

To you, what is especially distracting? People talking when I'm trying to count something. I physically cannot do it. Numbers just DO NOT store in my damn brain.

Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope.

Who do you go to when you need comfort? Mostly Girt or Mom. Sometimes Tez and Mazzy.

Has anyone you know started a new job recently? Do they seem to enjoy it? Uh I feel like somebody has, but idr who.

Have you seen a butterfly at any time recently? No.

Have you drunk any fruit-flavored beverages today? Yes; the water I drink is usually strawberry-flavored.

What carbonated beverages do you have in your fridge at the moment? None, not even my aforementioned waters right now.

Has anyone you know got into a new relationship lately? Um maybe, idk.

Do you have any sisters? How is your relationship with them? Ashley, Nicole, Katie, and Misty. Katie and Misty don't live here and I barely ever see them, but I am A LOT like Katie (more than any of my other siblings) so connect to her a lot, though we don't talk enough. I like Misty enough, but she can also be incredibly fucking stupid and self-important as hell. I get along fine with Ashley and Nicole too, but we also don't talk a lot and I've never in my mature life known how to properly interact/connect with them. Nicole and I were very close as kids, but not anymore.

What was your favourite class in high school? Art.

Do you have any plans to buy any furniture in the near future? No.

Do you know anyone who has a matching tattoo with someone? (including yourself)? I'm sure I know more than I think I do. I know Ashley and her husband Nick got each other's first initial tattooed on their ring fingers on their honeymoon. Colleen and I each got "ohana" tattoos dedicated to each other (which I now want to rip directly off my fucking skin, especially when you consider I don't even believe in unnecessary loyalty to family just because they're family), but they were styled entirely differently and in different spots.

What type of milk do you like to drink? Either 1%, 2%, or whole.

Do you have a first aid kit at home? Yeah.

Are your parents dog or cat people? Is that different or the same as you? I know Mom's a dog person, and I think Dad is too. Since leaving us though he's never owned another, just cats because of Kim, and he's loved both of them very much.

Are there sounds that bother you on a visceral level? Vomiting.

Would you ever get a matching tattoo with someone? I will never, ever, get another tattoo that will lose meaning if that person leaves my life. It's a terrible fucking decision. I'm perfectly fine with getting one with somebody that will still be a perfectly relevant, important tattoo to me if our relationship spoils, though.

What would be worse for you, unplanned pregnancy or cancer? Gah, I guess cancer, but both would fucking suck. I'm pretty sure the abortion I would inevitably get would traumatize me, but cancer could straight-up kill me.

Have you ever popped another person’s zit? oh my fucking god no

Have you ever told a friend to dump their SO? Did they? Yes, and eventually, yes. She was my best friend and her boyfriend (who I knew via school) was an ABSOLUTE piece of shit. Summer's always had a thing for people who aren't good for her... Even now, her partner she's been with for many, many years is complete trash, but it really does look like they're staying together no matter what.

What do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else? Generally lip kinds.

[meismalis]

maybe my trauma is more deeply rooted than I thought

woke up around 5am this morning and felt extremely nauseous, went downstairs got some water, started shivering so I went to the couch, grabbed both blankets and hid under them shivering, closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep but for some reason my mind kept wandering to the most traumatic moments of my life, (there’s about 3 really big ones, 7 “normal” traumatic ones?? Lol what is normal trauma) anyways.

I literally could not stop thinking about those moments in fucking vivid detail, I started shivering more, felt even more nauseous and my heart started beating out of my chest in a form of panic I don’t have often (I have panic attacks a lot but this level of panic attack is rough.) ended up running to the kitchen sink (couldn’t make it up the stairs to the bathroom) and puked my guts up. didn’t feel as nauseous after that thankfully but the shivering, panic and racing thoughts would not stop

so now I’m here on my couch again, watching tiktoks trying to distract myself until the pharmacy opens and I can go get a refill of my anxiety meds. I try not to take them often, only when I have such bad anxiety or panic that I can’t get over it within an hour or so, (I know this will last HOURS if not a couple days) so when I do run out, often I’ll forget about picking up the refill because it’s not something I take daily. I don’t think benzos should be taken daily anyways- but there are extenuating circumstances, my dr thinks mine is one and prescribes me to take them daily but I dont. I just take my Effexor and Abilify daily and my methadone, lol but I’m on a low dose of that now and just about tapered off, put a hold on tapering that past 6 months though because I’ve been working on my mental health and getting treatment and we didn’t want anything triggering a mess up or anything, as it is a bit harder tapering at the lower ml doses than the higher. I started at 120ml or mg whatever, I think it was 120mg and 12 ml. Yes, it is, because the bottle has 100ml of liquid in it, so 12ml of that would of been the methadone, the rest is the grape juice that tastes like death ☠️. I’m now on a dose of 30 (3ml) once you get to like 20, you CAN cold Turkey it for 3-5 days but my drug trauma ain’t strong enough for that 😂 I’ll probably taper to 5 and then stop. I’ll feel a little shitty for like 2 days but it won’t be much compared to the withdrawals I’ve had before. Only thing that sucks is I have baaaaaad sensory issues and the feelings of withdrawal do tend to be amplified because of that (at least that’s my theory) I would always be in a bit more of pain and state than others and would get weird sensory symptoms others wouldn’t when withdrawing, and would do ANYTHING to make them stop. Hence why I became so obsessed and addicted to opiates. I also recently read an article about autistic people having deficiencies with dopamine and they tend to get even more addicted to opiates than they already are so that’s another nice thing about being diagnosed so late 🙄

Writing and rambling all of this made me feel a bit better. I think I’m calming down a bit but I am still going to go pick up my anxiety pills

[sourstars]

HI LOML DORI HIHIHI i promise i saw ur ask and i was literally yk the meme emoji like O_O that was me when u sent that ask!! ive been busy bc ive actually been on my shit nd studying 4 my classes like a girl boss!! i saw u posted the writers thingy and i wanted to ask: it doesn't let me start a new line on here but numbers: 8. 14 (i hate letting ppl borrow my books bc they never give it back), 21 and 24!! sorry if its alot im just super curious bc i really like ur writing style!! - dango anon

HELLOOOOOOOyes i was hoping you’d see it eventually, i was like that meme with the kid that’s side eyeing everything while drinking his soda (??)

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

i would totally attempt one without dialogue, that seems so challenging and could potentially so sick istg i toooootally will not add that to my to-write list like i don’t have a million things to do already 😵‍💫

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

YES I DO. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE. i have an ex who i let borrow my anniversary edition of fahrenheit 451 which is one of my all time favs and the mf never gave it back and i KNOW he never got around to fuckin reading it either. gave him a bookmark to use w it and everything. never AGAIN >:(. on a happier note, i do let friends and peers borrow books but i have a mental blacklist of the ones never returned and i still know exactly where they are even though i’m not DIRECTLY looking for them yk??? sixth sense typa beat LOL will i ever get any back? short answer; probably not but it’s an excuse to shop

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

in general, hell no LOL it’s actually helped me cope through trauma and depression so it’s one of best hobbies and i’d like to keep it around as long as possible—HOWEVERRR i do think i won’t write fanfiction forever, which is why i deleted the really short and (personally) cringy or hated works because if i’m to stop eventually i want to leave behind the ones i’m real proud of like inerrata or yearning man (could list all of my favs actually) because in writing them i literally used a piece of my soul and past to shape the lesson i wanted to have people read, whether i was the only one who got it or not. so really, maybe in the future i might ever get the urge to write an actual book but i don’t see myself quitting any time soon, just maybe the occasional break (like rn :’)) for burnout. however i am active and might post things on ao3 first or only on there sometimes like series because unless you’re already big they do NOT do well on here LOL

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so if you’ve ever seen the show bones. i’m brennan if she was just averagely smart LOL yes i study everything to understand even if only the basics because sometimes underlying plot or details are what drives my story. researched for a week on the five stages of grief just to see how it manifested in different temperaments and environments and in another wip i studied engineering basics because it was the driving force or that fic’s reader’s struggle and upcoming. it mostly looks like slouching over my laptop with a thick ass notebooks making rushed notes and ending up drying my pens in the process LOL i do enjoy it but i do NOT enjoy the having ti but pens every month or so :’) it’s mostly the drive for knowledge for me because i already live learning in general. if given a timespan i think it takes about a week of searching before even writing out anything

writer asks!

[theawakenedstate]

Hello there, beautiful!

Let me start by saying that when you do the Inner work – That Internal glow up is REAL (see side photo for reference – that’s me from 2015 to Last nov)

What they often don’t tell you about energy & mindset work is weird shit happens:

Like sudden weight loss out of nowhere

You look younger

You decide to eat & drink better because your body doesn’t simply like it anymore

You clean up your boundaries

you take care of yourself better

you stop your co-dependent habits of smoking or drinking

You suddenly raise your standards the old crap doesn’t cut it anymore

people fall away that don’t serve you anymore.

And that’s just the start really,

Yesterday a random stranger said I looked 19! She asked me if the boy I was with was my son, in shock she went ‘but how old are you really?!’

I smiled sweetly, “i’m almost 34”

“you couldn’t look at day over 19 in my eyes…”

(happy early birthday to mee)

I wasn’t ALWAYS this glowy & optimistic though – For real though,

Let me bring you back to the late summer of 2015, I just had my daughter, Leandra I was battling hunger pains and sleep deprivation as I had a toddler at my feet and a Baby attached to my breast. Everyone was getting fed except me, I was always starving…

Living on hotpockets and whatever I could find was easy to cook, I decided for some reason to work for my friend for extra money(maybe for sanity reasons)

My side-hustle was doing her graphic design promotion on s.m., website management, and admin work. I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. And she was drastically underpaying me because I was good at what i was doing…

Meanwhile, I was struck with so many brilliant ideas I wanted to start with my own website, which at this time was kinda just in limbo – I wanted to build out a digital e-course. I wanted to transition my little tumblr blog with free mentoring i was doing on the side to a new space fully. And I NEVER HAD TIME TO DO IT – I NEVER HAD A MOMENT TO FOCUS ON MYSELF

And I felt like a selfish bitch because all I wanted to do was breathe life into my real work and have a break without anyone. LOL

I was always putting myself last, my own desires, my own dreams and on top of it I was getting underpaid, writing crystal bracelet descriptions & creating graphics for someone else when ALL i wanted to do was Write on my own blog, create my own work, Finally get the guts to hit record on my camera to film a video.

Instead – I was a procrastinating, anxious, exhausted, emotionally broken down and quite frankly Angry person who usually just beat herself up. Going through the motions of life – catering to everyone else – until one day – I kinda snapped.

my friend told me the work I was doing wasn’t good enough and I had to go back and edit it again, after the 3rd rewrite – and i kinda just lost my shit because I was so DONE.

Fuck. this. shit.

I had a realization that if i don’t put my foot down somewhere, i’m going to continuously keep doing things for other people first and keep putting my desires and dreams on the shelf.

It felt like I just continuously kept waiting until I could have a moment to start.

There was always so many excuses as to why I couldn’t just do things like have a break, work on my website, spend time napping for effing sake – it was a mess. I was a mess.

And I realized very quickly in that moment – if I don’t start smashing some plates and let them fall – I was going to fall.

Shortly after –

I told my friend I quit and she really wasn’t happy with me…(and we’re no longer really friends 😥)

but my low boundaries, lack of pay for a graphic designer VA and my story arc of putting everyone before me – it was tearing me apart.

(I also did my own Fivver research to see how much VA were actually getting paid…it was barely half that. 😳)

So I started doing my Inner Work, I got into what I know about the chakras, Gave my sacral chakra lots of love for the emotional upheaval,

I set some goals for myself, I think i made a vision board around that time too, and most importantly,

I STARTED FOCUSING ON WHAT I WANT.

I started saying an affirmation to myself to help anchor me – this affirmation changed the way I show up in Life, for my family and for my business.

I said, ” I now choose to put myself first for the highest good of all involved. I am grateful and happy to put myself first for the highest good of everyone in my life.”

And I started to ask myself: What would I do differently if I truly embodied this affirmation as my truth?

The words were clear. “Make time for yourself. Even if its 15 mins. Even if it’s a 5 min bathroom sanity BY YOURSELF, break”

I had a 360 Shift.

I started meditating more daily, i gave myself a mindset challenge from the library, I started investing in myself, scheduling weekly baths & nails and I got really assertive about communicating my needs to my partner which honestly was the real issue here.

He was super supportive and helpful but i was NOT ASKING FOR SUPPORT. So he had no idea. I was NOT communicating my needs and what I wanted.

And I definitely wasn’t honoring what mattered to me.

That period while as exhausting as it was, taught me a ton about: manifestation, raising my standards, honoring my boundaries, asking for what i wanted, & most of all it taught me about the Priorities and values I was setting.

Which is something I still honor and talk about today.

In Awaken your Aligned vision workshop we go deep into the Process of Priorities and Values so you can personally uncover yours.

In this week’s youtube video, I’m featuring a small clip from inside of the workshop so you can see first hand the start of the exercise of going into your Values.

I honestly feel understanding your priorities and values is a secret sauce to manifestation that is NOT talked about enough –

Here’s what I mean, 👇

Enjoy the Video!

Let me know what you feel about values,

Do you take the time to honor your values? Do you even know what your values are? Some people are even scared to look at them!

Drop your thoughts in the comment.

P.S. Only Less than 48 hours Left for the Visioning Workshop and then its back in the vault!

Awaken Your Aligned vision workshop is officially open.

This is my rare out of the vault special New Year Workshop.

February is the best time to claim your goals and intentions for the year.

this is the part of the month, where if we’re not careful we lose our momentum and stop the progress we made in January.

this is the moment to set yourself, your mindset and your habits up for success with my Unique Energetic Manifestation Visioning Workshop. Inside the workshop you will learn a beautiful System that helps Mentally & Emotionall support you going after your dreams! If you’re looking for a unique Vision board – this Proven System is hands down an incredible way to start setting new goals for your New Year!

Get yourself signed up today so you can start making waves. Full Details & Sign up information below: theawakenedstate.net/awaken-your-aligned-vision-workshop/

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/are-you-honoring-your-values-an-exercise-to-help/

Are You Honoring Your Values? An Exercise to Help

Hello there, beautiful! Let me start by saying that when you do the Inner work – That Internal glow up is REAL (see side photo for reference – that’s me from 2015 to Last nov) What they often don’t tell you about energy & mindset work is weird shit happens: And that’s just the start […]