#i just wish it was easier to share this part of my life with ppl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dogfags · 6 months

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I <3 my like 2 friends but I don't feel connected or integrated into my general community at all. I kinda came to the conclusion that I dislike someone I considered a pretty good friend bc they clearly have some problem with me / their personality just rubs me the wrong way. It's hard bc I've always had a difficult time making friends. My bf has 0 trouble making friends and he's closer to some of my friends than I am now when I'm the one who introduced them. It just sucks. I wish I could start over somewhere.

The gay scene in my city is also just full of tenderqueers and ppl I don't relate to at all so it's hard to date/find friends and I lucked out w Craig bc we share a lot of the same ideals but even with him I feel like an alien sometimes. I don't feel like I fit in with other trans ppl and only ever felt any sort of community when I thought I was a lesbian. Giving up that community to transition was hard but necessary. But now I just feel completely alien to other trans and gay ppl. It's easier to relate to others when I'm stealth like at school bc they don't already know me / have any preconceived ideas about me and they're not gunna put me in a box except maybe that I'm gay which is fine.

I just miss having a sense of community like I used to. Like when I'd go to punk shows I felt that there or when I was in college living on campus. I like my coworkers but they never invite me to hang out outside of work like they do with each other. And idk how to just invite myself along when I don't even know or hear about what they're doing. The girls at cos school are rly nice and I'd like to befriend at least the girl who's been my partner for most of the time there but I'm just ?? So socially awkward and anxious idk how to be like haha pls be my friend. She doesn't use any social media so I can't rly use that as a way in. Idkkk

I got lucky with Sonya bc I got randomly assigned her and Chloe as roommates and we just became good friends. But even the ppl Sonya hangs out with don't seem to want to get to know me or become friends. Craig and Sonya are always going and hanging out with people and it makes me sad being home alone but I also don't rly know anybody like that nor do I have much time now to hang out with others since I'm either in school or at work constantly. Even my online friends don't rly text me anymore and idk I'm just getting lonely.

Part of me wants to just withdraw into myself and isolate even further. I wish I could leave Indy and move somewhere better and start over. But there's so much keeping me here. Craig doesn't want to leave any time soon and I can't imagine doing anything on my own like that when I'm this broke. I just hate it here I want to pack up and leave but I can't. In a fantasy land I'd go live in Seattle or somewhere close in Washington. Make all new friends who didn't know me during my unmedicated undiagnosed in denial about being trans era. I'd love it if I could just change my legal sex and go stealth for the rest of my life and never have to deal with shit like that again. I'm returning to the insane loneliness I felt growing up in grade school bc we lived on a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere and I had no friends bc I cried constantly at school and was a weird kid.

#barks #idk #shit just sucks

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11271976-07142023 · 4 months

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Bag of bones sent this 🙂 I feel like you have something to do with it, Kurtis. Have you been visiting her..? I hope so. I’m certain you are. Do you visit her in her dreams, too? I think when that day comes, she’ll be more than ecstatic to see you again. You’re going to be the one, aren’t you? ♥️. She truly does love you. She knows I truly love you, too. It’s the shared cries. She’s a Scorpio, the lady knows I loved you to the core. Even the rotten core parts lol she knows. I thought of you earlier at work. When you slightly squeezed my hand during my goodbye to you. And the tear streaming down your face. I had a passenger w me. And thinking if that tear instantly made both eyes run. Like now. I try not to cry. You wouldn’t want me to. But I can’t help it. Music. You’re in a lot of music. I’m trying to listen to new music, so you’re not attached to it. Not bc I want to forget you, you know that, but just so I don’t always have tears in my eyes, and hurt in my heart. I dunno if this ever gets easier lol I’m always so sleepy. I’m working as much as I can. I remember I used to work 12hr shifts w/o coming home. I can’t do that anymore. Not rn anyway. I really wish I could. It would help a LOT. I miss you. You had me spoiled spoiled spoiled with your time and attention and priority. I know you know about him. And I know you’d tell me not to think so negatively about him & the little things. Like, the little things are dumb. Not dumb. Maybe unrealistic ? I dunno. It’s like the Wanky situation. You seemed more on his side when I’d vent to you 😂. I feel you’d be on his side, too. Not really sides, but you know what I mean. Through all of this. You had sense about these things. Ppl sense. Which is why you were so mad at yourself bc of our situation 🤷🏻‍♀️. It just happened the way it did for reasons. Reasons that you may know about now ?? I dunno. I hope things are easier for you rn. I’m happy you’re not sick anymore. You’ve no idea how happy I am about that part. Life is hard. And it’s still going for me. I’m just here, ya know? Things are very different. I think of our old life, and how much things have changed, and it’s like, wow. It’s just weird. It’s like I’m living a new life. Someone else’s ?? It’s weird. I’d love nothing more than ti take a nap w you rn. I enjoyed being lazy w you. It was beyond comfy. You supplied me w a huge amount of comfiness♥️. Thank you for always making me feel comfortable. Especially in public places. You were a good dad. I have guilt for not expressing myself the way I wanted to. Idk if that makes sense. I don’t think I knew how. And that sounds dumb. I’m learning how. Mentally.

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narumi-gens · 2 years

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Mellllll melly jelly!! (Is it okie if I call you that?) Ah I’m so freaking excited for so many upcoming anime! CSM! JJK season 2! Hells Paradise!! Uhhhhhh maybe that’s it lol but still I’m so freaking excited for it all, I just had to share my excitement with you.

Also, I saw that you watched The Bear and wasnt it amazing!? I’ve had the biggest crush on Jeremy Allen White since his Shameless days 😩

Anyways, hope everything is going well and your return to tumblr hasn’t given you any grief 💕

- 💀 🌸 (PS curse Naoya was so creepy and gross this latest chapter, I WONT HIM)

dear 💀 🌸 anon, you may call me whatever you wish! have we got a release date for HP yet???? I wonder if it's gonna be a winter release since it seems like fall is gonna be pretty stacked and the internet is just gonna explode with everything that's coming out.

are you reading CSM pt 2??? I have so many thoughts and I made one of this last chapter's panels my phone background but don't want to say which one if you're not caught up! (I'll just say...cat.)

The Bear was interesting bc I watched it thinking it was going to be a comedy bc that's how it was categorized and ppl only gif the funny parts and it's only 30 minutes. so I got v v v stressed and I feel like everyone's problems could be solved a lot easier if they all just stopped yelling at each other. I enjoyed it as I watched it but didn't think it was AMAZING, but then after I finished binging I couldn't stop thinking about it and realized that probably meant it was amazing. like for the following week, I couldn't get that last shot of them all eating the spaghetti and Jon Bernthal smiling at Carmy at golden hour out of my head.

and I'm letting out the biggest sigh about Jeremy Allen White bc he is just so good at playing "I can fix him" guys. like I didn't think his dirtbag attractiveness could get any hotter after Shameless and then nope. The Bear drops and I'm like frothing at the mouth about how well he can cook and how much trauma and grief and baggage he has and how he smokes like a chimney and how his hair looks so fucking wild bc of how often he's running his hands through it.

I can fix him!

(I asked my friend if he had watched The Bear and he said he hadn't heard of it and I started to explain it and he stopped me to say, "oh wait, is this the show with the chef with the wild hair who looks like he's on the edge of a breakdown?")

and thank you for welcoming me back from my unexpected hiatus! no grief as of yet and while life/work have started to get busy again, it's nothing near as bad as the last couple of months were so I have all the free time to fantasize about fixer-upper men.

also, I forgot to tell you that I thought that when Caterpie Naoya evolved from the curse womb, he was going to turn into hot Naoya again. like I genuinely 100% thought that's what he was going to look like outta the cursed womb lol

#i love seeing you in my inbox 💀 🌸 anon!!#mel answers #jjk spoilers

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darksapphire29 · 4 years

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Imagine #6

You give Peter the silent treatment while you try to accept the newly discovered truth.

Warnings: silent treatment, mentions of death, stressed Peter (ya know, this is just a recurring theme that can probably be expected in most (if not ALL) my imagines), tiny OOC Pan (but I don’t think it’s that OOC), crying?? Umm... trigger warning for ppl who are still recovering from season 3 and/or season 5?? (I AM)

Peter was scolding Adam for something when you first left your tent.

“You idiot. You never pick dreamshade without gloves. Do you have a d-death...?” He stuttered a little, losing his trail of thought at the sight of you. You looked awful.

Your skin was pale, your eyes lined with a darkness that hinted at a lack of sleep. You stumbled a little as you wandered off into the forest to gather some fruit for breakfast. You didn’t even look at him as you passed, and his stomach dropped.

All but forgetting his annoyance, he walked briskly after you. You weren’t even following any of the trails. He passed the huts and ignored the confused look Felix sent his way. All he could think about was what was wrong with you. Were you ill? Hurt? Did something happen last night? Yesterday? He didn’t know, and was determined to find out.

When he caught sight of your cloak, he ran right up to you. He grabbed your shoulder, and you stopped. You didn’t turn to look at him.

“(Y/n),” he started, walking around your body with a hesitance that caught you off guard. You had honestly expected him to be mad. When he stood in front of you, his eyes filled with concern, you found you couldn’t look at him another second, so you turned your head away from him.

Peter furrowed his brows. You were never the shy type, always standing up for yourself and speaking out against him. It was one of the both impressive and frustrating traits he loved about you.

“Why aren’t you following the trail?” He searched your face, trying to read your eyes. But just as he was about to catch them, you looked away from him. Somehow, the boring new shades of moss by his feet were more interesting than Peter. It was too peculiar for him to leave alone.

“Is something wrong?” He asked again. The (tall/short) girl before him said nothing, all too lost in her thoughts. Was this a game to him? Or did he seriously have no idea? The most obvious answer was that he was mocking you. That he found your anger towards him amusing and silly. But you wouldn’t retaliate. That was what he wanted. Instead, you walked right past him and continued on your way.

Peter felt as if you had dug out his heart and jumped on it. Twice. His confident stance faltered as he watched your back. You were acting so… different. But then again, it was unnervingly familiar. Only, the last time you had acted so demeaned by his presence was almost a hundred winters ago. When his shadow first brought you to Neverland, and you were still jumpy and untrusting from your past life. Why were you suddenly reverting back to your old self?

When you began to fade into the forest, he chased after you. Peter followed you for a while, calling your name and demanding you talk to him.

You didn’t answer his questions, completely disregarding his presence. You wished he would just leave you alone. After everything you had learnt, all the secrets that had been laid before you, you needed to be alone. You needed time to think. And you especially needed Peter to go away. But no, Peter Pan never fails, and he was more than ready to win this game. Only it wasn’t a game, and if he wanted it to be, you weren’t intending to play.

Annoyance clouded Peter’s mind, and he tried so hard not to let you anger him. So hard. But it wasn’t getting any easier.

“(Y/n), come on!” He tried, throwing up his arm and following you deep into the forest. “Where are you even going?” Luckily for the both of you, he was Peter Pan, not some Lost Boy. Because if he wasn’t literally half demon, neither of you would be able to get back.

You really didn’t know where you were going. But all that mattered right then was the distance between you and the boy who’d broken your trust. Although, deep down, you were grateful he had followed you. Otherwise, you would be completely lost.

You didn’t know how to forgive him, and by the sound of it, Peter hadn’t even realised what he’d done. You chuckled. What a narcissist. Of course, he hadn’t thought it would offend you. But you couldn’t approach him about it, or anyone, really. What a girlish thing it was, to be so hurt by such a thing. Secrets like this one were more damaging than any poison or sword. But how could he have known? This was a grown-up sort of thing, and Peter was still only a child.

“(Y/n)!” He shouted again, and you jumped, having forgotten he was even there. “I can literally feel the rage in my blood.” He threatened, but you were unfazed. Nothing could hurt more than—

“Please, don’t make me force you!” His voice cracked a little on the please. Your heart clenched. He was trying to hide his desperation, but you could sense it. You wanted so much to just turn around, hug him, tell him it wasn’t his fault.

But that would be a lie. Because it was his fault. It was entirely his fault. He should have shared all those damned thoughts with you. If only he’d opened his stupid mouth, confessed, revealed everything. Instead, he’d left you to stumble blindly in the dark. But the idiot forgot to take the oil away from the lamp, and now that you’d shed some light on your life, things would never be the same. And it was this senselessness that kept you away from him. Like two magnets of the same pole—it was all Peter’s doing.

But the most disturbing truth? Your very soul threatened to shatter at the very thought. How could he have kept such a thing from you? How could he have been so careless? You tripped on a few sticks and roots as your blood threatened to boil over with rage. Had he even spared your feelings a thought? You shook your head and quickened your pace.

Peter watched you stumble along, your hands clenching and unclenching like you didn’t want him to know they were shaking. He was near you, now, and he reached out for you again. Wanting so badly to touch you again, even for a second. But then you took longer strides, taking him off guard, and his fingers missed you completely. He growled in frustration. He’d had enough.

“Fine.” His tone darkened. Chills ran down your spine, you skin crawling with goosebumps. He had never spoken to you like that before, and it scared you to no end. “But don’t say I didn’t give you a chance!” With that, he appeared right before you, and you collided with his chest. You leapt back almost immediately, like fire to your skin. Meeting his eyes for a second, you found a hint of pain behind them. But it was replaced with frustration before you could blink.

“Why are you ignoring me?” He was so lost. So hurt. You wouldn’t even look him in the eye long enough for him to see the (e/c) in them. That beautiful (e/c) he would so often lose himself in.

Quickly, he reached for your shoulders. His hands rested there, his grip gentle but firm, not wanting you to leave him behind, again. You still didn’t speak. He missed your voice, your laugh, you eyes, your smile. It had probably been an hour, but that was already too long. He clenched his jaw.

“(Y/n), this isn’t a game. Talk to me.” As much as he didn’t want to, he was losing his patience. He spoke through gritted teeth, his hold on you tightening, his eyes set in a nasty glare. His hands were harsh on your skin, and your eyes glistened with an unholy fire. You didn’t move.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Breathing through his nose, veins popping out of his neck, he shook you. Hard. Your hair fell over your face, and your cloak would’ve fallen off if Peter wasn’t holding it there. Tears stung at your eyes as your body was thrown around, your shoulders aching.

“TALK TO ME!!” He screamed, fuming. You nearly broke down at his anger. He stopped, but you didn’t do anything. He had hoped you would yell, scream, cry, shove him off, kick him, slap him, run away, anything! You just shivered a little under his hands, but other than that, you held yourself together. His eyes reddened, almost like he might cry, himself. “Why won’t you just look at me, at LEAST?!” A part of him was begging, but the rest of him was infuriated.

In spite of yourself, you looked up at him. Your eyes were probably swollen, your skin whiter than usual, but you hardly cared. You glared at him so hard you might’ve set him aflame.

“Well then, Pan.” You croaked, a single, hot tear falling from your eye. “I’m looking at you. I’m talking to you. I’m even bloody crying. You’ve won. Now get the hell away from me.”

He stepped back, not meaning to look cocky. He was shocked. He had won, but that wasn’t important. The look on your face was important. That angry tear was important.

“I-I—” he stuttered. What could he do? You were obviously upset with him. But why? What had he done? For a short second, he thought hard about everything he could’ve done wrong.

Nothing came to mind.

“What did I do?” It was an innocent question, but when he finished, you were so pale he feared for your life. It came out so wrong. So demeaning. Ridiculing. It sounded exactly like him, and for once, he really didn’t mean for it to sound like that.

Your usually bright and (e/c) eyes darkened a few shades. He winced.

This was not going to end well.

“What did you do?” You laughed. It wasn’t joyous and contagious like the one he obsessed over. It was maniacal, nearly psychotic. Like his laugh. “Oh, I wonder!”

“(Y/n), please—”

“Oh, no! You don’t get to speak. It’s my turn.” You spat, waving a hand in his face. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” Peter was completely taken aback. Fear placed his confusion and he worried for his own sake. So much was happening, now. Who knew what you had discovered?

He had wanted to keep his plans to himself. Everything he was doing, everything he planned to accomplish, he knew you wouldn’t approve. Even to save your own life, his life, everyone’s lives, the whole of Neverland. You would insist on finding a better way until your final breath.

“Kidnapping people? Using some girl? Taking a kid from his family and keeping him against his will?” The colour was quickly returning to your face, but even when you tanned to your normal colour, you continued to redden with every breath. He tried to get a word in, tried to explain himself. But it was no use.

“I can’t believe you, Pan!” He winced again, that familiar pain building up in his chest once more. “What happened to you? Why are you doing this? You used to be fun. You used to really care about everyone.” Your face was wet with tears, tears that wouldn’t stop, and Peter wanted nothing more than to hold you.

He remembered those days. The days where he and the Lost would just play around and joke and tease. When nothing mattered but you and him and Neverland.

But then, he remembered the day he returned to Skull Rock. The day he was reminded of his incoming doom. He knew what was coming. He knew it had to be done.

“(Y/n), please listen to me.” He started, but you weren’t finished.

“But you wanna know why I’m upset?” Peter didn’t say anything, he didn’t even nod. You were suddenly calm, and it scared him more than your angered screams.

“You told Felix you were—” A broken sob hacked at your throat, and you collapsed into Peter’s chest. Pride be damned, you were sick of this. Sick of being angry and scared and alone. You needed Peter, and when he wrapped his arms around you, that was it. You were finished. Your eyes red. Yours cheeks soaked. Your hands shaking. Your hair in more of a mess than usual. Your lips quivering. And just like that, you broke down.

Peter pulled you closer, just holding you. He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. You knew everything, and there was no way to assure you that everything would be okay. Because he didn’t know that. And as he held you to his chest, he let out a few tears himself. In minutes you were both huddled together on the ground, dirt and leaves sticking to your clothes. You clung to one another as you cried, his hands stroking your hair while you clutched onto his shirt.

Peter shushed and soothed you, stroking your hair as cries escaped his lips.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” he croaked out between sobs. You just nodded, clutching onto his tunic and gasping out that it didn’t matter. Peter kept apologising anyway, his hair tousled, his face puffy and stained with tears that you feared would never stop.

You sat like that for a long time, your sobs filling one another’s ears and more water leaked from your eyes than you knew you had in you. Because nothing was okay, and as you sat in the dim and cold light of the sun—lost in the middle of the Neverland woods—neither of you knew if it would ever be okay again.

#peter pan #peterpan #peter pan x reader #peter pan imagine #neverland #x reader #xreader #reader #reader imagine #imagine #still can't believe it #still can't accept that #peter pan is gone forever

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep3

This ep is exactly like se02, ep 24, meaning it was divided clearly into two parts. While the graduation theme unties the two parts, you can point things out exactly like ep,24:

1st part : Machi’s story= the important part.

2nd part: scattered parts here & there that concern yuki, ep, 24 his interactions with akito, here his interactions with Motoko).

plus, an ep cliff hanger: (e, 24 the dvd given to kureno, here, Isuzu’s mysterious fate).

it is exactly the same even a small kyo/tohru moment!. School graduation instead of the zodiac’s new year gathering.

Really awkward pacing, but that’s furuba, we celebrate when they DO connect dots for once! lets talk abt the REAL ep: MACHI.

-Machi’s awkward presence:

Although I love Machi, I’ve voiced my concerns abt her character in Furuba:

It seemed that Machi was solely created to be a step in yuki’s success journey more than a character on her own right. After getting motherly love (tohru) leaving the nest, Yuki needed friendship (kakeru), then as an independent man, he needs romantic love: (Machi). This is all fine initially but I was yearning for more individuality for Machi as a character. All furuba characters were given space to be unique including minor characters like Motoko who narrated her own story each time she’s on screen & we lived it with her within two seasons & a number of eps.

However, Machi’s background was introduced thro her brother’s exposition in se02 & that moment was a yuki/ kakeru bonding moment.

Thro kakeru’s exposition we learned how similar yuki & machi are (the parental neglect, high expectations, cold sibling relationship, Big brother saves himself by himself, big brother pushing for redemption & the younger sibling’s still trapped silently ). While that makes for romantic appeal between the two which makes the writer’s job easier, it steals from Machi individuality.

Then her part in ep, 24 was shown & I was given hope for Machi’s individuality as her own inner voice spoke volumes abt her as a person away from yuki (romantic interest) or Kakeru (big brother). Having a lot of screen time, while can make a character more believable to the audience, is never a factor in character’s depth nor individual worth. Heck! kyo (part of the main trio & the main character’s love interest) has only ONE ep in se02 to explore his issues & by far it is my fave ep in se02 as it established kyo’s trauma, psyche, mental issues & emotional baggage better than I could ever imagine! You can DO WONDERS with little time if you knew what to do. That’s what happened with Machi this ep (half ep).

-Machi’s shines! (trauma & romance):

I was so relieved to learn that altho both Machi & yuki despised perfection as it suffocated them, the writer (thankfully) went abt a different approach with Machi. Unlike Yuki who went silent cuz he felt his voice didn’t matter as he was used as a tool, Machi went silent cuz she was was NOT needed, & not only discarded but painted as WRONG. If you admit that raising me this way is wrong, then what does this make me? What should I do with myself? I’m wrong! boring, a failure, & a presumed killer!! all while I was absolutely doing my best! all while I was having good intentions! It is devastating but It makes Machi real. A character on her own right with her own trauma, struggle, pain & outlook on life. Although, the writer made the whole yuki/Machi meeting orchestrated by Kakeru to quickly make the two siblings one step closer, it worked cuz kakeru chose to not interfere after setting the scene. He played a subtle mach maker & tried to find happiness for his sister silently. Kakeruy is yuki’s best buddy & Machi becoming the girlfriend, the trio will have to hang out more which will slowly but surely warm Machi towards Kakeru. While the flat visit is the part where Machi open the lid to Yuki with a spark of romance at the end, the chalk scene is the romantic part! Not only did Yuki noticed her panic & saved her by breaking a piece of chalk, she secretly remembered his promise! “ lets make footprints on the snow”. The snow that was another source of anxiety attack, is now sth she looks forward to & prays for! Truly romantic!!! Well-done writer.

Side Notes:

I know furuba is shoujo & it’s abt love, but C’mon! where did Nao/ Motoko come from??!! XDD Who is left without love interest? Kyo’s rejected fangirl loved by one of kyo’s buddies? The maids in love with Akito? Momiji? Who does Kimi love besides money? XD

Yuki once observed that kyo makes tohru happy with small things, Today he did the same! A broken piece of chalk.

Yuki/ Machi romantic scenes contrast Yuki/ tohru forced romantic scene at the earlier seasons. There is no lame cringy lines like “ I’ll kidnap you & go to a vacation” or kissing a ribbon. There is NO acting or pretentious lines. Here a piece of chalk did the trick, an understanding of her tears & a head pat, a promise to walk on snow together! Congratulations Yuki, You made it into romantic boyfriends category! XD. also, good writing!

The Bra scene is the real comedy in the ep.

Arisa’s “ kyon, we won’t forgive you if you hurt tohru” is gold cuz kyo WILL. When it’s time to confess he knew kyoko & she HATES him & doesn’t forgive him, tohru would be hurt! Even if she wasn’t in love with kyo!!! Knowing your beloved’s last words were hateful is painful!! Add to this that tohru loves kyo & would be struggling between forgiving him or not!! Add to this that kyo might NOT want to be forgiven!!

“ I won’t forgive you”. kyo’s haunting reminder that he’s unforgivable is now shared by kyoko, yuki, Hana & Arisa!!

look, you might argue that furuba’s romantic writing might be a bit awkward with all sorts of romantic couples, age gaps, the need for everybody to be in love one way or the other & so on, but the traumatic behavioral writing is the best!!!!! I was never disappointed with how Takaya write abused traumatized children’s behavior. One of my fave scenes is yuki/ kyo in the stairs in se02 where kyo lashed out on yuki & yuki was over it. While that scene was rightfully celebrated for yuki’s triumphant attitude as he got over his trauma, I love it for the realistic trauma filled attitude of kyo, all charged with kyoko’s flashback! He’s in deep & he’s all by himself! Kyo will hurt tohru cuz he loves her just like how kazuma hurt him by forcefully taking his bracelet cuz he loves him. Kyo will be thinking it is for the best, who would want to be with someone that kyoko of all ppl hates!

I’ll tolerate all the weird love couples in furuba, but the moment trauma is written weakly I’ll drop the show. There is NO way, kyo will confess kyoko’s lines then go “sorry abt that tohru, we’re good?”

Back to Machi, I really hope that her trauma isn’t merely wrapped up cuz yuki loved her. Furuba was never abt love heals, it is abt love helps. We might not see more of her trauma for reasons of space, or not related to the current plot lines, but I really hope we hear her talk abt herself with yuki even few lines. Although, I feel that the focus now will be on setting her for yuki’s next stage in character development: honesty in the love confession. He’ll tell her abt the curse as the trailer hinted at. That’s their first love life struggle. But if I were to take a guess, it will be dealt with quickly like her trauma. She loves yuki dearly & as long as he walks with her in snow (human or rat, lol), it’s all good. <3

Hior’s mom is love.

Kagura’s new style is love! she isn’t dressed overly cutely anymore, but had a more comfortably style & I love her hair! also her friendship with Isuzu! <3. I wish Isuzu would really know there are ppl worried abt her in her life. Haru isn’t the only one.

Akito put Isuzu in the cat room, didn’t she? The place she left is similar to the place young Kazum wandered to in se01, ep25. & those scissors....

I never thought that the mere sight of shigure’s face will disgust me. XD. I still find him so intriguing, but yeah need time to get over the fact that he slept with Ren & counted it even with Akito, then slept with Akito afterwards! EWWW! so disgusting & I’m here to see this drama escalate!

Yuki / Machi moment was interrupted! XD It’s not fun when it happened to you, yuki? XD.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #sick paper #final season

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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Godddddd I'm so upset that I dislike yen this much, doing main quests in skellige and Freyas ppl were doing stuff and she again disrespected other cultures with Geraly being against, "I may be inhumanly beautiful" I know she's meant to be confident but wowww. She's not confident and worried for Ciri she just comes off arrogant and selfish and vain. Like, fuck.

The ultimate mood, anon. My Witcher fandom life would be so much easier if I enjoyed Yen ... but I just do not lol. Remember how I mentioned that things were going to get even worse than her stealing and using a potentially dangerous artifact? Yeeeaah. She also resurrects Ciri's friend to torture him for information, all while destroying another sacred garden to get the power to do it! It's not even a "She's so evil and I love it 😏" situation for me because the game tries so hard to convince us that she's still The Best. Geralt's sexy soulmate, Ciri's adoring mother, the baddest bitch around who gets things done and does it with an effortless confidence... all while ignoring how horrific her actions and attitude are. Oh sure, other characters speak ill of her at times, but considering how much Geralt is written to adore her, no matter what you choose, that's all undermined. I love morally gray/evil characters, but I've never enjoyed them when the text refuses to appropriately acknowledge that side of them. Nothing is more frustrating to me than a story that frames disliking a character as the unambiguously wrong thing to do, especially when the text is piling up reasons to dislike them and, as a result, ignoring or shrugging them off their actions as not that bad. Yen is a rather extreme example of that for me. Despite her attitude, her choices, and other characters outright going, "Why do you like her?" the story as a whole works under the assumption that it's correct to like her anyway because Geralt loves her. And he loves her for... reasons.

They do meet before the wish, but only just. Major "The Last Wish" spoilers in this paragraph, so feel free to skip. Basically, Geralt and Dandelion run into trouble with a djinn, he goes to Yen for help since she's a sorceress (first time meeting her), he instantly falls for her because she's gorgeous and such (there's an elf there who is also madly in love with Yen. Men just... fall for her, instinctually), she heals Dandelion, Geralt agrees to pay her, but Yen has already decided on the payment she wants. She takes control of Geralt's mind and forces him to attack the town to seek revenge on those who have insulted her, resulting in him waking up in prison awaiting execution for "his" crimes. Meanwhile, Yen has gone after the djinn for herself because power/trying to regain her ability to have a kid. Geralt escapes, finds her failing to master the djinn (an attempt which btw has endangered the whole town) and despite what she's done to him, Geralt tries to get Yen to escape with him. She refuses, set on capturing the djinn even though it's obvious she can't. So as a last resort he uses the final wish to bind their fates together, saving Yen from the djinn in the process. Aaaaaand then they have sex.

So yeah, their rocky relationship is one of the main reasons why I can't enjoy Yen. For some their tumultuous history is evidence of realism, for me it's evidence that they're not actually very compatible and they're only together because a) that's the fantasy trope: protagonist men get together with the hot sorceress and b) because the magic is literally ensuring that they can't escape one another. I mean, canonically their fates are tied together by magic and canonically they spend about 20 years swinging between passionate love and fearsome fights... but there's supposedly no connection between these two things? No chance at all that they keep coming together because magic is drawing them rather than because they actually want/should be together? I wrote a meta a while back about the short story where they meet, which includes a present day scene where Geralt is criticized by another character — Nenneke — for running out on Yen. Thing is, he tries to explain that he left because she was "too possessive" and this is... flat out ignored. By both Nenneke and the fandom. There's a strong trend of ignoring Geralt's words in favor of a pro-Yen interpretation of events. He says he left because she was too possessive and she treated him like ____ — he's not allowed to finish the sentence and say what she treated him like because Nenneke interrupts him, saying she doesn't care about his version of events. Major yikes imo! She turns a claim of being possessive into Geralt not being man enough to stick around. The fandom likewise turns this into a case of Geralt getting cold feet and running out because he's a bastard who hates commitment. Likewise, Nenneke and the fandom claim Geralt is trying to get Yen money as a way of appeasing his guilt for leaving, he claims he's doing it simply because he still cares for her — even if he doesn't want to be with her — and knows she needs it. Geralt's words are frequently dismissed, in the same way others characters' opinions of Yen are dismissed. Any mark against her is treated as either a lie, or a convoluted claim that they don't really know her... never mind that an understanding of why she may act this way doesn't excuse the behavior itself. (Plus, the whole "Yen had a horrible upbringing, so of course she struggles being kind" perspective always fell flat to me when so many, including witchers, had horrendous upbringings too. The whole point is this world is a mess and most everyone suffers). It's supposedly true love, yet if someone came up to me and went, "I magically tied my fate to this woman to keep her from getting herself killed and we've spent the last couple decades having what many would term a rocky relationship, to put it kindly. I left once because she was too controlling. She once cheated on me. I likewise hooked up with others during our frequent breakups. A mutual friend used magic to get me to have sex with her — also while my lover and I were broken up — and though I view it as a dumb decision I'm happy to forgive her for, my lover is ready to commit murder because again: possessive. A lot of the time we're only a family because of our daughter. I once thought she'd horrifically betrayed us both. She didn't, but it says something that I was so ready to believe it, huh? Hmm? Permanently separated? Of course not! I love her. We're destined to be together after all :)" I'd be like, "Uh... you sure about that, dude?"

Not that Geralt doesn't make his fair share of mistakes in the relationship — he absolutely does — but I don't think it helps his case that he's immature in other ways and, frankly, that he's a very strong, badass witcher. It's easy to turn the hints we get about their relationship into a simplistic "emotionally naive man can't give the poor woman the commitment she wants" situation. Given Geralt's status as the badass fighter of the tale, it's likewise easy to dismiss his admissions of her being "possessive" and his general discomfort. He's the man. He's the witcher. If he's making any claims about how Yen isn't treating him well, they must be excuses, or exaggerations, because real men, especially physically powerful men, would do something about that — a something that's not sneaking out in the middle of the night. A lot of people read Geralt leaving as the ultimate proof that he's an immature bastard who doesn't deserve her. I read him leaving and think, "What were you trying to get away from? What was going on that made you think you could only leave by sneaking out without a word?" To me, that doesn't read as someone who felt safe, comfortable, and respected enough to do anything but slip away and try to wash his hands of things. And I'm not just pulling this "Geralt is at least somewhat afraid of Yen and isn't comfortable establishing boundaries with her" reading out of my ass. When Yen wants Geralt to kill the golden dragon for her and he refuses, saying he doesn't care anymore, his thoughts are:

He expected the worst: a cascade of flames, flashes of lightning, blows raining down on his face, insults and curses. There was nothing. He saw, with astonishment, only the subtle trembling of her lips. Yennefer turned around slowly. Geralt regretted his words.

And everyone is like, "See! Yen has improved so much. Geralt nearly made her cry, but she's supposed to be the bad guy here?" Meanwhile, I'm going, "Uh... anyone want to unpack why he expects fire, lightning, insults, curses, and blows to his face for telling her no? Why he's astonished that she wouldn't use her magic against him? Anyone think that Yen refraining from attacking Geralt when he refuses to murder on her command is a pretty low bar? No? Just me?"

Geralt and Yen's relationship makes me uncomfortable and a great deal of that discomfort derives from how much of the Witcher fandom shrugs off the fictional warning signs. I mean, I post primarily about RWBY. We watched a man in that show try to sneak away with his kids when his villainous wife planned to use them for a eugenics plan... and the fandom still blames him for that, refusing to admit that he was in an abusive relationship. Because that doesn't happen to men, right? I'm not saying it's the same for Geralt and Yen, simply because they are written to be soulmates. An abusive relationship was, quite obviously, never the authorial intent. However, I am saying that the a "This isn't a healthy relationship" reading is there, it exists as an interpretation, and both the story and fandom's tendency to dismiss it is something that hasn't helped me enjoy Yen's status as an otherwise well written, complex character. Their equality supposedly stems in part because they're both so flawed, yet each time I see a list of Geralt's supposedly equal faults they're... lacking imo. "Geralt bound himself to Yen without her consent." Yeah, to save her from dying from the djinn she was trying to enslave, after she refused to leave, while her actions threatened a whole town. "Geralt ran off without a word." Mmm hmm, anyone care about why? And my personal favorite is a scene you may not have gotten to yet (or may not get depending on your choices), but suffice to say, Yen is supposedly justified in physically attacking Geralt if he dares to challenge her in any way. That's the main takeaway across the fandom: If Yen is pissed off, you must have done something to deserve it which, in the relationship deliberately written to be "stormy," is something that sets all the alarm bells in my head off. Honestly, it kinda makes my skin crawl to go, "Geralt didn't deserve that" and get responses back of, "Yeah he did because he [insert basic human action here]." The Witcher world is hard and cruel, absolutely, but that doesn't mean I personally enjoy seeing an equally messed up relationship presented as something that's enviable in its flaws. "That's actually true love because the magically bound man who often expresses discomfort with his lover, written by a male author with a very iffy perspective on women, says it's true love." Crazy theory here, but... maybe it's not?

Idk, lots of rambling on my end tonight! For me, Geralt/Yen reads as something rather tragic which, in a canon that unironically upholds the relationship, and in a Yen-adoring fandom, doesn't make enjoying her character any easier. I keep coming back to Witcher 3, the comics, the show, even the books going, "Maybe I'll like her this time?" but nope, still trying lol.

#witcher #mymetas

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maggotmouth · 3 years

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hillo sexthy legends !! i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !! x o x

* CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

— born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

— its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

— margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

— for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

— at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

— she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

— a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.

— she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away. it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

— after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.

— she works at summer camps coaching junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

— enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment.

— she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

— used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

— was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

— nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

— has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

— she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

— calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

— stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

— lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

— constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

— frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you, indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine.

TLDR: angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

#aaaaaaa #we back boys #irvingintro #hmu for plots bayybeyyy

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zontiky · 3 years

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okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

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jade-doodles-questionmark · 4 years

Text

On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza

Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.

there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.

it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.

More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:

Angelica:

what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.

In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part).

Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander.

I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.

I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).

She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.

Alexander:

I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.

I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.

To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.

Eliza:

Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”.

ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either.

The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more.

i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all.

unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol.

side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.

Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks!

if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit

#hamilton #alexander hamilton #hamliza #eliza schuyler #eliza hamilton #Angelica Schuyler #hamgelica #the schuyler sisters #character analysis #long post #*cough* Excuse me my lit major is showing #jades weird ideas

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shoshie · 3 years

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poosie!!!!! hello smth im obsessed with lately is love :-)!!!!! like it rlly just started with watching the xfiles movie bc that was literally so. wait no i would say my reinterest in love rlly started when i read smth sunny wrote !!!!! the content of it was beautiful & it very much moved me like i think . it was when i read it i felt like i woke up again with another chance at life yk . and Then i watched the xfiles and the love!!! btwn two white fbi agents man......unreal wow the entire speech he gave and the emotion and just the selflessness of it yk!!!!! their love was beautiful and half a decade in making and i’ve been watching since november Waiting for it to happen and it Did and it was unreal and!!! it made every part of my body light on fire yk bc it was just!!!!! that satisfying to watch!!!!!!!! seeing two ppl put the other in front of themself and doing everything for their happiness consistently and it just!!!! makes me feel happy esp if i start thinking abt finding someone like that in my life yk and then i watched a youtube group and two ppl within that group are dating and it’s an unlikely pair and one of them’s an immature dickhead who Seems disgusted at emotion but he’s Not!!! he opens calls his girlfriend “honey” even though he’s like 20 in front of his friends and just . he does it where it just slips out of his mouth yk??? like it’s a common occurrence and it obvious that she’s his honey, like that’s just a fact of life bc they love each other so much !!!!!!! and the thought of that makes me cry bc could! you! imagine that!!!!! a love so domestic and everyday it makes ppl tear up!!!!!!!!!! and Then i found out the two ppl in glass animals were dating and i just????? lost my mind at their love??????? like i’m not going to go into master posts abt their life or videos overanalyzing their lives (been there, done that! :))) but just ! thinking abt it ! the idea of it ! they were like childhood friends or smth and now not only are they here doing smth they love & that they are extremely passionate abt, but they’re !!!! doing it together !!!!!!!!! they’re sharing intimate writings and beats with one another and they’re loving it and they’ve able to do that for years and it’s just . Their Everyday.!!!!! again i think abt this with my own future and !!!!!!!! finding someone to last a lifetime!!!! who’s there every step of the way and sharing our work that we poured our hearts into and getting loved??? fuck.! it all makes me so so emotional !!!!!! and there’s probably so much more i can say but there i said it! i’m obsessed with love and it makes me cry but all warm and light and happy and hopeful. i wish i could feel like this all the time and i feel like if everyone were like this we’d all be so much kinder and so much more loving and appreciative of each other and their existence !!!!! anyway . i’m so sorry this is so long feel free to delete or respond with a “nice!” or whatever!!!!!!! i just wanted to say i hope you Know you’re loved and i hope you’re loving life in any way, big or small. i just want you to at peace with whatever and for whatever you were stressing abt gone or made easier, whatever! helps in you being comfortable but yes i’m obsessed with love, i love you and i hope u have a wonderful, wonderful day 🕊🌷

um hello u are going to make me CRY this is the sweetest cutest thing ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls.. tbh this is so fitting bc recently i’ve been thinking a LOT abt how much i want that.. like a relationship so tender so caring with someone i’m so close to like i want it so bad. i see ppl who are so in love or even if they’re just rly rly close friends & love really is in the little things.. like u mentioned pet names nd sharing lyrics together nd stuff and it’s just. it’s like little hand touches or being so comfy around someone that u can just hold hands or link arms or cuddle w/o even thinking abt it..... or showing someone something u made & not being afraid that they’ll judge you for it, having little inside jokes & secrets that only the two of you understand it makes me so!!! i love you as well & i truly hope that u are someday able to find your person bc u deserve that kind of love more than anything

#h 🕊#asks #when sad

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flowergrave · 4 years

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hi... is it ok if i vent? so like, I've been following this girl for years on here and it's not like we were mutuals or anything but i loved her aesthetic and looked forward to her posts and i kind of forgot for a while and a few months ago i was unfollowing inactive blogs and i saw hers and i thought like, oh did she make a new one?? so i lowkey lurked her blog and ended up googling her name and finding out she died and it really threw me for a loop. it's hard to explain how it feels 1/3

2/3 bc I never knew her and she never knew me and all I knew was this tiny aspect of her personality online but it really hit me hard for a while and even now i find myself thinking of her or seeing something that reminds me of her and i wonder if there's anyone else who remembers her online or if her mutuals found out or even what she'd be doing now after college and it feels wrong because i didnt know her or her real life struggles but i miss the small part of her mind and her interests

3/3 that she shared online. it's weird to think how she brightened my day and didnt know it and i feel weird missing someone i never truly knew but it makes me realize that there are so many people in the world who you touch in ways you never thought you could so i dont know... somewhere out there there are people who dont even know you but have felt your warmth in some way and i wish i could tell everyone who has made me feel that how much i appreciate them before it's too late and i just </3

ofc it's ok to vent, it means a lot that u even feel comfortable coming to me abt this. im so sorry you're hurting rn bc of this loss, i can only imagine :( i don't think your grief is strange or wrong at all- i would also be devastated if i found out the person running one of my favorite blogs passed away. we get so close to people here who share our niche interests and have similar traumas and dreams and emotions. this little space on the internet we carve for ourselves that makes us feel less alone. even though you never knew her in real life, these blogs are often a reflection of our truest selves especially because it's easier to be honest here behind a screen than it is in real life. and i feel like it's even more special that you saw and cared for her, even just the fragments of her soul she revealed online, and it impacted you enough to grieve for her. and even if it hurts, there is something so sacred in remembering those who are gone because as cliche as it is- she'll live on in your thoughts and actions, and in the way you think abt and interact with ppl. she left a tangible imprint on this reality through you and surely so many others, to me that is something larger than life. i just want to add that the sentiment extends to you as well- there are people who care about you from a distance and your existence brings a glow of sunlight into their life, even if you don't know about it. it's something even i don't always think about either and this makes me also want to remind those i love how much i appreciate them as well. i hope you're taking care of yourself, and im here for u if i can help in any way <3 sending all my love

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my-artblog-is-ssjumi · 3 years

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12, 23 & 50?

12. Your favourite work?

i........ i have no idea tbh. like, quality-wise i guess i like most of the stuff i wrote over the past 3 years best...? and overall it depends on my mood...? ... i don’t rly upload stuff i don’t like..?

...

asdfg i know this sounds like i’m evading an answer. but it’s just. it’s like with the question of which work i’m the most proud of from earlier.

i just. i don’t know

maybe it’s because i’m not really in a fandom atm, don’t have an otp i’m super active producing fanwork for or stuff like this. so there isn’t any recent story i’m really attached to or something where the memory of the work i put into it and the satisfaction with its result are still fresh and make me super excited.

i currently don’t have a story where i’m like ��gawd i wish more people would read this??!? and tell me their opinion!!!?! asdfg i love it so muuuuch and want to share this looove X3″

so.

yeah.

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

23. Least favourite part about writing fanfiction?

writing anything i’m not in the exact right mood for while writing

like. in longer stories you sometimes have to have things happen to build up a future scene or explain what happened in between two scenes. and i just. i usually don’t care. i’m just here for the scenes that are fun to write with the aesthetic that tickles me.

in shorter stories i usually manage to find a way to get it over with quickly or just. don’t do it at all bc it’s a oneshot and those are more like paintings in a gallery than books with plots and i can do what i want.

but multichapter stuff??

where there are scenes, if not whole chapters in between two things i have/had/will have fun writing about and super vibe with? scenes and chapters that are necessary so the thing i’m looking forward to can happen in the first place?

yeah, no, just. leave me here to die. it’s alright.

(or deal with me never updating the story even tho i have a text file ready with an already written marvellous scene that i am thrilled to share with everyone bc writing it was so much fun... but no motivation to drag myself through the process of writing the stuff that has to happen before it)

(fuck that shit lol)

50. Is there something you often repeat in your fics (a verb, a trope etc)?

i love resentment as a theme

especially when it’s unfair and the person feeling it knows it’s unfair but they don’t give a fuck bc it’s still an easier-to-deal-with feeling than whatever they’d experience if they didn’t laser-focus on their resentment

but i also like when it’s just an underlying feeling that stretches its tentacle-like roots into everything else and taints it. like, when two characters are really and truly in love but one of the things standing in between them and their happiness is that one (or both!) of them resents the other for not having been there for them at some point in the past. or having said something really hurtful. or otherwise having let them down. and it’s. it’s always in the back of their mind, this feeling, this knowledge that there’s a chance the other one won’t be strong enough to handle being with them. and the memory of how that will feel like bc they already experienced it once.

messy stuff in general.

people are messy, emotions are messy, relationships can be super messy and unhealthy even if neither of the ppl involved is an abuser with the other one being the victim. sometimes ppl just mess themselves up for various reasons. sometimes it’s better and healthier to not get what you want. sometimes people really want something - or someone - but they still don’t want it enough to go through the effort and potential pain of not just getting but keeping it. so they don’t. and that might be the better choice in the long run, the healthier thing, but it might still hurt.

just.

the inherent messiness of being human.

i love it.

i’m trying to think of a single story i wrote in my life where that wasn’t a thing at least somewhere in between the lines at least once

can’t think of anything. except maybe the fanficcy comics i drew when i was like, 8 before i knew what fanfic even is. on the other hand, i was still already attracted to the kinda fiction that featured aspects of that messiness anyway, even if i didn’t know why at the time. i mean. that comic was about the anime Story Of The Alps: My Anette. and i also was already into The Rose of Versailles a.k.a. Lady Oscar.

yeah.

no.

born that way, baby XDD

#Anonymous #Fanfic Writer Asks #ask game

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dojae-huh · 4 years

Text

Tyong

I’m posting the opinions I received on the topic of Tae’s changed behaviour.

I’m asigning a new tag for this thread “Taeyong is the rose” for easier search. His fans call his scar under the eye a rose, he knows it, likes it and called himself a rose in one of his vlive (”Rose is going to sleep”).

I'm copypasting Asks for easier reading. I will reply later collectively.

nouratan

It's not only u, I've also noticed that taeyong is only clingy to doyoung and now due to doyoung haechan alot, Mark talking abt the love triangle... These three have the same amount of hate in kfandom, they get blamed for everything and everyones bias not getting opportunities so maybe they bond on that or they've become flatmates and have become closer to eachother than the other members. Yuta doesnt comeout of his flat that much, and johnny I have a feeling has loads of down moments than

The up ones he likes to share with the fans. Remember when haechan said hes very hyper as a roommate in America but now he talks abt johnny being quiet and talking deep things with him. I basically am trying to say that taeyongs back to the ppl he was always close to as a trainee. Doyoung, markhyuck and johnjae. Taeil is always the older brother and he keeps them at a distance when he needs his own time and the others arent really that close to taeyong.

Anon number 1

Hi! Here to share my thoughts on Tae. First, discliamer: I do not have a Tumblr account and now am confused about this ask (?)and it's method of operations. Still I have tried my best in sending this in parts. Sorry if I had messed it up. I started stanning nct from boss, so yes 2018. But before stanning them, I had watched videos from mid 2017.

I agree with what you say about Tae shutting himself off, but I just wouldn't word it like that because he has not been successful. As you yourself said he tries to, yes. So I don't think I am gonna say anything that you have not seen yourself already. (Side note! I really enjoy your blog, especially your skills in observing and reading characters

Till 2018 beginning - he was clingy, and from late 2018, regular era, he has been trying to cut it down because members have become comfortable enough to show their discomfort. I believe Tae has realized that not everyone is comfortable with Tae being himself (or Tae being weird, in your words). I have observed this a lot, they immediately have this expression, that screams "here he goes again". Ex: Hyuck recently while interviewing Tae. All except Do. Do smiles. Adoringly too, if I may say so (but not always, lol).And I believe Taeyong's biggest fear is to fail his members. And his biggest wish/aim is to be someone they love and respect. So he modifies himself.

I have observed this with myself. Whenever I felt people couldn't relate to my loud voice/ hyper energy, I vowed to myself that I'd never do it again. I'd succeed for three days. Real personality comes out. Recognise discomfort. Take a vow. Repeat cycle. But now, I have found a balance? I know who relate to me and who does not. Tae is still in that stage.

He will soon as you put it, completely shut his weird self from others. But all this is about being clingy and making weird noises and stuff.Teasing, I believe is yet another issue. I don't think Tae has ever trusted others enough to these them a lot. My bias is Do. I got into nct because of him, his SM station with Sejeong. My first ship was dotae, still is my ult ship

What made me believe in their friendship is this: in 2017, and even now, Tae almost never initiates teasing of others except Do. Even in nct life Seoul and bangkok... He has always been careful to not offend them. But with Do he is himself, he teases, so much so that I worry it might hurt Do, and says the nicest words about him in interviews. That's what got me thinking that 'ah, so they are the ones close enough to tease without fretting' So yes, I think Tae has given the members and their opinion of him, a great importance, so unless he feels they are comfortable he is not gonna do it. And I don't think he thinks they are comfortable. Lol. This is such a long message, that adds almost nothing, but thank you for reading.

Anon number 2 (some parts were lost)

About Taeyong, while i'm not really an avid fan that following his steps all the way, i think he's been trying to shift people's attention to other people than himself. We all know how hard things for him with all the bad issues surrounding his past self keep popping every now and then and how that affect his confidence in leading his group. Put himself as the one to blame on the group 'failure' and pestering his member not to make the same mistake as he did. I think that experience..

(...)

I'll try to remember again. I was saying that Taeyong experienced bad pers with his past that keep coming back to him every now and then. That must be hard, and time needed for him to healed was less than enough. I'm guessing that he latched to Doyoung, share his deepest darkest thoughts, and Doyoung probably anchored him to reality.

Doyoung is a good listener and he speaks wisely. I myself was at one poin in deep depression and having someone who listened and accepted me really helping. I guess that's when Taeyong's bond strengthened beyond others. When i spoke my worries once, i hesitated to relive that anymore. I limit my vulnerability acces to just one door. Maybe that happened to him too. He once said in his vlive that he'll now will only just move forward "What am i gonna do (with my past)? That's just me." I guess he started healing by accepting himself

Anon number 3

Honestly I see why you would think that, I’ve also noticed in some videos tae is very laid back and acts way more “mature” than before. But I don’t think that’s always the case, like I’ve noticed with mark and Johnny he acts weird sometimes but you’re right it used to be way more than now. I think tae has been feeling really pressured the past like year, he seems like he’s trying to be different because of the amount of hate he keeps on facing.

But artistically i would say he got SO much more passionate and even more hard working than before (which is impossible bc he already was such an ace) but I also noticed he’s not that clingy anymore but he still babies the members and takes care of them but he seems like the ultimate leader now. But on Twitter and other social media i saw fans talking about it as well, how tae seems different.

I really do think it’s the pressure of being the leader and one of the hyungs in nct and the fact that k nets and k fans watch his every step to see if they can use anything to hate against him. I think superm was really good for tae, baek is the leader and tae isn’t one of the oldest ones. Baek really babies tae and tae enjoys it, he really adores baek.

I’m adding videos with Baekyong: 1, 2

He gets really clingy around baek and he seems like the actual tae he always used to be. That’s why so many people ship baek and tae but I honestly just think it’s the fact that tae can let his leader rule down and be one of the “maknaes” and the fact that baek really does baby him. That’s exactly what tae needed after being the leader and the hyung in nct. But I hope tae can just ignore the media and be the exact same in nct

I mean have you seen the video going around everywhere of tae acting like the maknae and hae acting like a leader? Tae is just a very soft person and he really is a kid at heart but he’s an amazing leader but sometimes it’s hard to keep that role up the whole time and I think he got lots of backlash for being “too clingy” etc so now he’s just trying to be the leader tae. I really hate k nets sometimes.

Anon number 4

About Taeyong.. Isn't it normal tho? From the beginnig, I've always thought that the members and the dynamic in the group would change in a couple of years and it did. It started to be obvious recently. Old groups always say that the relationship between the members change when they are getting older so the fans shouldn't be surprised about it. This is what happens in 127 now i guess.

Anon number 5

Regarding Taeyong, I feel like he’s been troubled ever since September of last year. There was a vlive in September where he was in the studio with purple hair and the way he was interacting with fans and the things he said was a bit “off” compared to his usual vlives. I don’t know if it’s the worry of rumors spreading nonstop or if he has some unresolved personal issues but ever since then there’s been a drastic mood shift.

He went from constantly updating fans and playing around with members to radio silence. I think maybe he doesn’t want to worry people, so in his mind it’s better to shut himself off from everyone than to be a burden? He’s always been hard on himself and I think the title of “leader” makes him feel like he shouldn’t show his weakness to the other members aside from DY who tends to be quite logical which helps balance out tae’s emotional thinking.

I feel like the members kinda sensed that he’s been a bit off mentally as well. They’ve been making sure to shower him with compliments. Like, they kept on noting how handsome and cool he was in the two episodes of the Late Night Punch Show. Or like how Haechan cooked him a meal recently or how DY’s been cooking for him. I just think whatever is going on, it’s just him trying to make sense of the situation that he’s going through and it just results in him appearing more distant than usual

Taeyong is an interesting subject. His mood shifts interests me greatly. When he’s, what the members like to call, “high tension” he’s all over the place, super loud, super interactive but when that mood passes its like he’s a whole different person. Sluggish, sort of bleak, and generally monotone. Obviously humans go through these highs and lows in mood as well, but the way tae expresses it always makes me raise an eyebrow.

I think his mood could play a big part why we, as fans, feel like he’s shut himself off from the others. In recent group broadcasts he’s just been in a lower mood compared to in the past so it looks like he’s shut off more than usual. but from what I can tell he’s still super interactive with the members in the dorms and other moments when he’s in a good mood. Idk if that answered your question….

This a bit off topic, but he recently said that we (fans) don’t know him that well yet in his vlive after the SuperM concert. That made me think that maybe the super clingy tae of the past was just sort of an image he built up during that time because he wanted to be loved by the public and needed the comfort of other members. Now that he has more of a footing and gained some emotional maturity, he’s just letting his real self shine a bit more (I don’t mean this in a bad way)

There’s a reason why he gets along so well with Doyoung’s sarcastic and blunt nature and also why Doyoung doesn’t view him as a “hyung whom I have to take care of” like Yuta for example. Taeyong isn’t as innocent and “baby” as fans make him out to be. He’s a lot manlier than one thinks and I think he’s just grown from the insecure taeyong of the past hence why he doesn’t feel the need to be as clingy anymore?

#Taeyong is the rose #Taeyong is the boss

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thesunnyshow · 4 years

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Name: leyna

Age: 1X

Writing Blog URL(s): @jensungf

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct (dream)!

Nationality: american!

Languages: english, vietnamese (spanish??? very bad)

Star Sign: capricorn sun!!

MBTI: enfp-t hehe

Favorite color: lavender

Favorite food: beef chow fun/noodles

Favorite movie: our times!

Favorite ice cream flavor: chocolate chip cookie dough

Favorite animal: cats!

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? hmm i’m not a big fan of either tbh but vietnamese iced coffee with a LOT of condensed milk is super good

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): honestly idk! maybe an editor or professor who knows

Go-to karaoke song: “gee” by snsd or “if it ain’t you” by alicia keys

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? vocal-induced manipulation or basically power of persuasion with my words hehe

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? maybe the 90s! i really like the vibes and aesthetic

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? no bc learning is a part of life!

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? horse sized chicken hahaha bc horses are wild

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? drama queen LOLL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? to an extent yes!

If a genie gave you three wishes, what would they be? world peace, equality for all, and hmm true love in every life i live

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? i have 3k followers on pinterest hahaha weird flex

When did you post your first piece? april 2020!

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i write most fluff and angst or a combo! with some crack bc who doesn’t love some humor hahah

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i write reader inserts

Why did you start writing on Tumblr? ive been writing on tumblr since 2015, just for diff fandoms bc i always loved reading fanfics and i wanted to become a better writer

What inspires you to write? other writings, real life experiences, dreams, basically anything!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i find fluff easier to write than angst but i like a good balance of all the genres! i rly like writing soulmate!aus for some reason or just some domestic fluffy established relationship stuff

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? i hope they can actually feel the emotions i’m hoping to convey from each character (referring to my more angsty works) or their sweet tooth gets satiated hehe

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? i try to read other stories or talk to my moots to help me!

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? i think my fav has to be only forever because it’s something that i feel like is really cliche but it actually represents the meaning of young innocent first loves. i reminds me of what someone’s youth should sort of feel like. my most successful has been jsmr: sugar and spice because who doesn’t love jsmr!jeno and some sweet fluff and a spicy make out scene 🤭

Who is your favorite person to write about? jeno or jaemin tbh

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? there is a slight difference because fanfiction provides you a sort of foundation with characters but to be honest, i believe that if you just switch the names and perspectives for most of the stories on here, it would become a bestselling hit because it conveys the same emotions and it’s just as enjoyable to read. the writers on here are truly exceptional.

What do you think makes a good story? i definitely think little details and the nuances that add to the plot development and character development. most importantly, if a story evokes emotions from me and i can feel the story then i think it’s beautiful in itself.

What is your writing process like? for me, i can come up with an idea based off of anything that might inspire me. like watching something, reading another story or just a dream i have. then i like to outline my stories by bouncing ideas with my best friend and from there once i figure out all the points i wanna hit i start writing! or for spur of the moment fics i deadass just start writing

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? yes, most likely.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? i love fwb to lovers and enemies to lovers! also soulmate!aus / tatbilb tropes cus i’m a sucker for cheesy stuff. i’m not a big fan of cheating/parent/apoc!aus or love triangles. oh and i can’t stand slow burn 😭

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? as someone who lives off of validation, it means a lot and motivates me to write my stories and post them! we put so much hard work into our stories, so feedback and engagement is honestly the least you can do 🥺

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think just being in a community with other talented writers has taught me a lot!! and of course, having people read my work.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? yes! all the time.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? yes, maybe not on a macro scale but personally definitely.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes, but i always try to pull myself back into why i really started writing. but writing for others helps motivate me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? not on a serious level! it’s more so how details and events are interpreted but it’s fun to see how ppl have different perspectives on own piece versus your own vision.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? yes!! not my family ofc but my close friends do and support me 100% and i’m forever grateful for this

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? thank you so much for everything you’ve ever done for me no matter how little or small it may seem, it means the world to me.

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think you need to realize why you’re writing and it’s because it brings you happiness, and you’re sharing your beautiful work out there and it has the possibility to change someone’s life whether it’s bringing them a little bit of joy or helping them feel emotions. you might discover things you never knew about yourself as well.

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? not really! as of recently i’ve seen a lot of changes with the platform and although it’s a big struggle, i can’t regret it because it’s brought me so much.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? i’d hate to pick and choose because all my mutuals have really helped me in some way whether or not they know it because they inspire me, motivate me, and are just genuinely amazing people to talk to. but honestly talking to mary / @neostains, nana / @nanasarea, anie / @mjlkau have helped me open up from being shy and i appreciate them a whole lot.

Pick a quote to end your interview with: “to burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” - spanish poet federico garcia lorca

#@jensungf #thesunnyshow #featuredauthor #episode 15 #nct dream

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