#i know logically it's not a super big deal as long as it's kept clean and hammy is a very pristine cat + i might dab it with some peroxide

[partiallystar]

hammy has a little raw spot on her neck and im so stressed abt it it makes my tummy hurt

[dollslayer]

Fight or Flight

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve comes clean, in the aftermath and shock you turn to the one person who you know you can trust.

W/C: 2,369

Warnings: Implied cheating, angst, swearing

A/N: Hello! I wrote this for @sweetlyscared 's 1k celebration (congrats, it's well deserved!), prompt is in bold. I'm still pretty new to writing and this is my first true Angst fic so any and all reblogs/comments are super appreciated! Please check out my other stuff if you liked this fic!! Cheers!

PART TWO I Masterlist

____

The feeling of everything crashing around you was slow. Like your world was moving in slow motion as you processed the words. Everything else he was saying became distorted, going to waste as he tried desperately to explain himself to you. All you could hear clearly was your own breathing while you tried to will yourself to do something, anything.

Fight or flight is a funny thing, you were always so feisty and eager to fight back, A Bulldog, Steve had affectionately called you. But when he told you he was in love with someone else, that he has been in love with someone else for months, your body couldn’t find anything in it but to walk away.

Your breathing picked up and your eyes searched the ground, refusing to meet his. You felt your legs raise you up to stand and start walking away, unsure of your destination. When you pivoted to leave the room your eyes met his briefly, staring emotionlessly as his desperately searched for anything at all in yours.

“Where are you going? Doll, please, can we talk about this? I’m, I’m so sorry I-”

Whatever else he was saying wasn’t heard over the noise of opening the door and shutting it behind you. You didn’t know where you were going or what you were feeling other than the obvious. You were in a state of shock, it’s one thing to hear awful news and another to understand that it’s true but you were fastly approaching that truth head-on.

You paused for a moment in the hall and heard no movement come after you. You almost let yourself be surprised but he’d admitted he gave up on you a long time ago, so it only makes sense he wouldn’t fight your exit. You kept walking and tried to hold the floodgates of your heart closed for a bit longer.

Flashes of what was said come back to you slowly as reality sets in. “I can’t put this off any longer. I want you to know that I will always love you, but there’s someone else.”

Your head hurt like it would as if you were already crying, the blood pumping in your ears and pressure building in your temples that would no doubt evoke a long-standing headache. Your face felt hot as you stepped into the elevator, maybe you’d go for a walk in an attempt to fend off your tears. Or maybe you’d walk to a safer place to have an emotional breakdown. Whichever is easier.

Brisk gusts of air greet you as you exit the building, making you realize you left your jacket on the arm of the couch. You took a second to evaluate yourself and noticed you’d also walked out in your house slippers and a thin pair of leggings. Trying to evade the cold you tucked yourself in the doorway of a bodega down the street and dialed Bucky.

Two rings and he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Did you know?”

The silence on the line only reminds you of the blood pumping in your ears. The silence tells you everything you needed to know.

“Liste-”

You hang up.

You’re breathing even harder now. Who else knew? For how long? How long was I the joke? You need to find somewhere else to be soon or all these strangers are going to get an eyeful of a grown woman sobbing. You dial the last number you’d expect to at a time like this.

“What’s happening, shortstack?”

You can hear Tony’s grin through the phone and his easy greeting gives you momentary comfort.

“Can I come over? Something happened.”

“I’ll let Jarvis know to let you in” Tony’s tone is understanding, not needing you to explain further, just letting you know you can come to him.

____

Tony’s only seven blocks from yours and Steve’s shared apartment, a fact you’re grateful for when you feel your feet aching every time they hit the pavement. The conversation replays in your head, you try to word what happened in your head and your anger starts overtaking the heartbreak. It’s almost a welcome reprieve from the settling heartbreak but you’re not sure if you’d rather be numb to it completely.

When the elevator doors open Tony’s waiting for you with two tumblers of scotch in hand. You shake your head and move past him to the couch. He joins you on the opposite armchair and sets both his elbows down on his spread knees, resting his face in his hands.

“Would you like to talk about it or not talk about it?” He asks with a sigh.

You don’t make eye contact with him so you don’t cry, choosing to focus on the Iron Man coffee table book you’d gotten as a gag gift for Tony all those Christmases ago. It almost distracts you enough to laugh, the fact that he just has it out. But you need to tell someone what happened and get it all out before you can let yourself feel it all.

“Steveisinlovewithsomeoneelse,” You rushed it all out in one breath afraid if you didn’t get it out fast enough that you’d break. “He has been for months. He said he doesn’t know when it all changed but when he was with her things just clicked,” you paused to collect yourself, “But don’t worry, I’ll always hold a special place in his heart and he hopes this won’t affect the future of the team or our friendship.”

“Oh, and he’s really sorry.” you added.

You laughed bitterly and shook your head in disbelief. His delivery had been so cold but so sincere, very to the point but pained in its delivery. “I just, whatever we had, it’s just gone. Things are just different now, with her, this kills me though, please believe me. You’re still really special to me.” Bullshit. Special enough to act as a placeholder until someone better comes, special enough to cast aside.

You’re broken momentarily from your spiral into anger by the sound of a glass hitting a coaster a little too hard. Looking up, you find Tony quietly seething. He and Steve aren’t close by any means so you figured that he wouldn’t have known, it’s why you called him over anyone else.

He moves slowly to your side on the couch and pulls you into his side. You can smell his aftershave and what you think might be burned grease from one of the many things he’s been tinkering with in the lab, it smells like him, like comfort.

“That fucking asshole. Unbelievable, I don’t even…” He leaves the thought unfinished.

His hands move up and down your arms in a soothing motion and you finally let yourself have it. You don’t even realize you’re crying until you feel the tears wet his shirt when you bury your face in. You sniffle up tears and snot when your face heats up.

There’s no way to know how long Tony lets you sob into him, no doubt ruining his vintage Depeche Mode shirt. Somewhere in the back of your mind you make a mental note to buy him a new one later. But for now you’ll just allow yourself to cry and you can deal with the world in the morning.

____

Tony lets you fall asleep on his chest, feeling somewhere between furious and heartbroken by proxy. He thinks about letting you sleep and giving Steve a piece of his mind but figures that’s not what you need right now. Your phone sits on the table and he touches the screen to check the time. No notifications on your homescreen except for a missed call from Bucky and an old photo of Steve making a funny face as your background.

Had Steve not even tried to call you? Had he not even tried to go after you? Why was Bucky of all people the only one to be trying to get a hold of you? Prick.

Selfishly Tony is glad that he has a good reason to be rude to Steve now, he has to admit. You two had always been close but when you and Steve started dating he saw less and less of you. He couldn’t fault you for it though, you were so in love with Steve and you knew that the relationship between the two of them was strained so you kept your distance a bit.

He thought of all the sacrifices you’d made for Steve. You gave up your childhood home in the Bronx that your parents had willed to you to move in with him because he wanted you to be closer to the tower. You gave up a promotion and transfer to DC when you were still just an agent, granted you were an avenger now but it doesn’t matter, he’d made a very big deal out of you turning it down. You gave up the friendship the two of you had.

It was incredible, really. How much you had done for him only for him to turn around and love someone else behind your back. Brave enough to fight aliens and terrorists but too cowardly to break up with you and leave you with some dignity. Did anyone else know about this?

Tony had to stop himself from getting too angry, afraid he’d wake you up. So instead he went back to plotting up schematics for the half-finished suit mod he’d been in the middle of when you called.

____

It’s been a week and you still haven’t properly talked to Steve. After two days on Tony’s couch you need to look at things from a logical stance. Where am I going to stay? It’s not like you had your parent’s place anymore and you didn’t want to sign a new lease on an apartment. You could always move into the tower but that meant a higher chance of running into Steve.

You were thinking about all of this out loud to Tony when he offered you the guest bedroom in his penthouse. You were shocked, he’s always been a generous man but after you drifted apart from him you were surprised he even let you stay these past few days. Maybe now was a good time to rebuild your friendship with him and have some space from work.

What’s work going to be like? You agree and go on a temporary leave from the team, just a month to collect yourself. If you really wanted to you could go back but the thought of seeing everyone that knew about Steve’s affair was humiliating and enraging in one go.

It turns out Sam had been playing therapist to Steve in all of this, Nat figured it out through some sleuthing, and Wanda had inadvertently heard his thoughts about her. And none of them thought to tell you? To save you from the anguish but to let it fester? Steve wasn’t the only one that betrayed you. They all had.

What will I say to him? Should I say anything to him? Turns out the answer was ‘nothing’. You texted him to let him know you were moving out and you’d be by to get your things as a courtesy. You walked into an empty apartment and you were almost relieved.

He’d chosen to not be here but he’d left you a letter on the kitchen counter next to a framed photo of the two of you on vacation last year. You scoff but don’t touch the letter. Every ounce of restraint you have is being used as you leave it untouched. But you don’t need to know what excuses or apologies he has on deck, nothing he could say would exonerate him of his wrong-doings. You had no intentions of speaking to him but secretly you hoped he suffered as he stewed in his guilt and inner-turmoil. He deserves to.

When you pack you leave every gift he ever gave you, taking only what you’d brought with you in the first place. You take one look at the unmade bed and almost go to make it out of habit but then you think of the two of them there together. All the long missions you went on without him, all the times you stayed late at work or went out with your friends. How many times had he been here with her while you were there?

You end up only leaving with two suitcases and a backpack full of things. Tony waits for you in the lobby, understanding you wanted your space when you went to get your things in case Steve was there.

The elevator doors open to him taking a selfie with a couple of fans and shaking hands. He’s all too happy to be recognized but when he sees you his eyes soften. Not out of pity, but fondness, like he’s proud of you for getting out.

He sends you a questioning look with a silent question. Are you okay?

You smile at him and for the first time in days it’s a genuine, non-placating, happy-to-see-you smile. It’s okay, I’ll be okay.

He takes one of your suitcases from you and helps you load them into the back of the car before opening the door for you. The drive back to Tony’s is silent but comfortable. The trust you have in each other is strong and unspoken. Something you’ve always been grateful for between the two of you.

He doesn’t ask you about Steve or what happened, always letting you come to him first, which you appreciate. And when you talk he just listens. No bullshit unsolicited advice about moving on or how everything happens for a reason or getting back out there, just listens.

You know the road ahead is long and it will be difficult, but you have someone in your corner and the knowledge that what happened isn’t your fault and that you’re a badass and fuck Steve Rogers and fuck anyone else that did you wrong in all of this. Maybe you’ll forgive them someday but for now you’re gonna focus on you and work on building yourself back up. You’re ready for the ups and downs, you’re ready to fight.

[catradoramma]

how about a fic of Adora noticing being the jealous one after noticing other women give Catra attention.

i have been getting prompts like this since Mine, and honestly, hell yea. i deadass started working on this in 2019 and well. its finally finished. this is who i am folks. thanks so much to @kittens-and-foxes, @magicchalkdust, and lunatica (ao3) for the prompts! prompts are still open! i’m just a slave to writers block. evidently

Oh, How the Turntables

|  Rated: T  |  Words: 2,604  |  Chapter: 1/1  |

Adora was not a jealous person. She was confident with where she was in her life and always had been. Trying her best and being proud of that was something that was basically sewn into her DNA.

Adora was not jealous. Never had been, and never would be.

She wasn’t jealous.

She was just…a little upset.

Or how Adora handles being jealous. A significantly less fun sequel to Mine. 

| ao3 | buy me a kofi |

Adora was not a jealous person. She was confident with where she was in her life and always had been. Trying her best and being proud of that was something that was basically sewn into her DNA.

Adora was not jealous. Never had been, and never would be.

She wasn’t jealous.

She was just…a little upset.

It wasn’t really that big of a deal. Honestly it wasn’t a big deal at all. In fact it wasn’t even a deal at all. Catra was just making friends. Which Adora, for the record, was extremely happy about.

Catra was making friends with some of the people in the Royal Guard at Bright Moon and it was awesome! People were accepting her! And, like, treating her with respect like she obviously deserves as a literal war hero! So naturally, Adora was happy to hear this. Adora was enthused!

Obviously, okay?

It’s just that Catra had recently become closer with a few of her friends in the Royal Guard which meant they were out all day training and running drills, and then out all night getting drinks and singing bar shanties or whatever soldiers did together. Adora was so glad that Catra was fitting in and being accepted. That goes without saying.

But.

Adora also really, really, really missed her girlfriend.

Like.

Adora missed her a lot.

As simple as that.

Although, it didn’t help that one of Catra’s new friends was the totally smart, pretty and badass Captain Kassandra. And it also didn’t help that Captain Kassandra was definitely Catra’s best friend in the guard which meant Catra and Captain Kassandra were spending the majority of their days together.

Alone.

And it’s not like Adora thought anything would happen! Catra would never cheat, okay? She wouldn’t! She just might...you know. Realize that Captain Kassandra was so, so much better, and smarter, and stronger, and prettier, and cooler than Adora.

And Catra might want to break up.

Which Adora definitely didn’t want.

— . —

“Hey, Catra?” Adora called as she was pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

“Yeah?” Catra called from the closet where she was trying to decide between two identical burgundy sports bras.

“I was, uh,” Adora paused as she grabbed her hair tie with her teeth off her wrist. “I was thinking that it might be fun if we went out tonight? Go into town and grab dinner or something? Have a little date?” She asked with a tentative smile as she finished tying off her hair.

Catra turned to face her properly, lowering both sports bras. “Tonight?” She asked, not sounding excited like Adora had thought she’d be.

The lack of enthusiasm made Adora a little nervous. She licked her lips and continued. “Yeah. We’ve both been really busy lately, and I finally have a night off from--you know--She-Ra stuff. So I was, you know, just wondering if we could, I don’t know. Go on a date,” Adora bumbled, her nerves getting to her the longer she went without an answer.

“Shit, tonight?” Catra asked, her shoulders slumping alongside Adora’s heart. “I can’t. I have a game tonight.”

“Wait, you have a what tonight?” Adora asked, immediately confused.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry, I meant to tell you. Me and the Guard started up a Softball team. Bright Moon Royal Guard against Entrapta’s Robot Army,” Catra explained, a little smile curling up her lips which Adora knew meant that Catra had really been enjoying playing Softball.

Adora was, admittedly, a little hurt by the fact that Catra hadn’t even thought to tell her about this. Adora was always super supportive of everything Catra did and would have loved the opportunity to cheer her on in a very literal and vocal way.

But, Adora supposed, she had been really busy with She-Ra stuff lately so it made sense that Catra forgot to mention things. Especially when they really only saw each other at dinner and when they got in and out of bed everyday.  

Adora pushed down her hurt feelings and pressed on. “Alright, well. When’s the game? I’ll come and maybe we could grab a bite or something after,” she suggested.

Catra winced. “After games, C.K. usually buys everyone a burger,” Catra explained. C.K. So we’re calling Captain Kassandra C.K. now. Adora suddenly craved physical violence.

Catra continued, not noticing Adora’s mounting frustration. “It’s like--I don’t know--a team bonding thing,” Catra explained with a shrug. “You could come to the game though! I’ll hit a homer for you,” she added, sending Adora a deliciously wicked grin that Adora couldn’t even enjoy due to the slowly mounting rage within her.

Adora took a deep breath, suppressing the anger for the time being, and forced a smile. “That sounds awesome, babe. I’ll….be there for the game then.”

Catra grinned at that and darted over to press a kiss to Adora’s cheek. “I’ll look for you in the stands,” she said, practically glowing with happiness, and just like that, all of Adora’s rage and jealousy melted away. This was something Catra enjoyed. Having friends and maintaining them was important to Catra. So it was important to Adora.

Adora turned and stole a proper kiss from Catra. “Leave your alternate jersey for me and I’ll wear it,” she suggested with a soft smile.

Catra nodded eagerly before she disappeared back into the closet. She came back out wearing one of Adora’s white and blue sports bras, and, honestly, that made everything a little better.

— . —

Adora had no idea how Softball worked, but Gods, was she becoming a fan quickly. Everything from the tight white pants Catra wore, to the slashed up cap she wore to let her ears through was doing things for Adora. Adora was pretty sure she was actually learning less about Softball the longer she spent in the stands. Probably because she was happily staring at Catra’s ass instead of the game.

The whole experience probably would have been a net positive if it wasn’t for what happened at the very end of the game. Catra must’ve hit a particularly impressive ball (Adora wasn't exactly paying attention to the ball or where it was going as much as she was focusing on where the hitter was going and doing) because as she dashed around the diamond, everyone around her was cheering and freaking out. The Bright Mood Guard left the make-shift dugout and ran onto the pitch. They swarmed Catra as she passed home. They all wrapped her in a hug before Captain Kassandra tossed her up into the air and then sat Catra on her shoulder.

Jealousy burned inside of Adora. That was Adora’s move! Adora was absolutely the only one allowed to toss Catra into the air and catch her on her shoulder! Why the hell was someone else doing that?! Was this a common thing? Did Captain Kassandra toss Catra all the time?

Adora was about three seconds away from going full-on beast mode on the Captain. The only thing that stopped her was the way Catra pulled her cap off in celebration, waving it excitedly in Adora’s direction. The elation on Catra’s face—the pure joy that was clear from whatever game-winning hit she’d made—was entirely enough to cool Adora’s temper.

Catra looked radiant out there. And she deserved to be praised like that. She deserved to be celebrated and loved by her friends. Adora wanted that for Catra so badly, and if it wasn’t for the ugly jealous monster that was living rent free inside of her for whatever reason, Adora was sure she’d 100% be just as happy as Catra was in that moment.

So, with her mind made up, Adora grinned and waved back. She cupped her hands around her mouth and cheered loudly. She made a heart with her hands and held it up above her head for Catra to see. Catra must’ve seen it because she blushed a little darker and bit her lip in a way that made Adora’s blood burn in a very different way.

If only Adora wouldn’t have to go home alone after the game.

— . —

Adora decided to wait up for Catra. She wanted to show Catra exactly how proud of her game-winning home-run she was. Adora lit candles around their room while she waited, and even changed into some of the more frilly underwear she owned for nights exactly like this. She kept Catra’s jersey on, though, and made herself comfortable in bed to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Adora waited long after the sun went down behind the back hills, long after the candles burned down to nubs, and long after the lacey bra she wore became too uncomfortable to continue wearing. Adora didn’t want to admit defeat, but eventually the mood was lost, and she could barely keep her eyes open.

It was with a new level of bitterness, and a little heartbreak, that Adora cleaned up the candles, slipped into pyjamas, and put Catra’s jersey away. This time when Adora curled up into bed, she didn’t wait. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

If the smell of candle smoke was still in the air when Catra got back, then so what.

— . —

Adora felt very off for the rest of that week. She hadn’t even heard Catra come in that night, and when she woke up, Catra was curled up into a ball on her own side of the bed. Something about not even waking up in Catra’s arms left a sour taste in her mouth.

Adora knew, logically, that Catra hadn’t made her any promises to come back early that night. She had said that she’d be out with the team, and Adora had agreed to that. It was just that...after a game like that, the first one Adora had gone to, shouldn’t Catra have wanted to come home and celebrate with Adora? Shouldn’t she have at least come back at a decent hour? Catra had only said that she’d be getting dinner with her team. Did getting burgers really take that long?

What else had Catra been doing out there?

That thought alone was enough to leave Adora in a horrible mood for the rest of the week.

She destroyed many straw filled dummies, and snapped at anyone who so much as thought about asking her what was wrong, including Catra.

Especially Catra.

Adora hadn’t been in this bad of a mood since the war--since the time she hadn’t slept for weeks at a time.

And the worst part? Adora knew she was being unreasonable. She knew she was being dramatic and was definitely blowing things out of proportion. It was just that—

The jealous little monster that lived in her mind rent free was slowly taking over.

— . —

Adora was lounging in the bath, trying to make herself feel better though aggressive self-care, when she heard Catra come in. It was already late into the evening. Adora would usually be in bed this time of night, and Adora was beginning to think (unreasonably) that Catra was coming back late on purpose.

“Adora?” Catra called as she noticed the bed was empty. She sounded a little afraid and suddenly Adora was just tired. And sad. And frustrated. She was so, so frustrated with herself and this stupid situation. She didn’t want to be upset at Catra anymore.

“In here!” Adore called back as she moved her hands a little anxiously through the bubbles still floating on the surface.

Catra appeared in the doorway and smiled tentatively. She looked concerned and tired.

“Hey,” Adora said softly.

“Hey,” Catra repeated, her voice just as soft.

“How was your night?” Adora asked. “I missed you at dinner.”

Catra’s shoulders dropped a little and she nodded. She stepped into the bathroom and sat down on the floor right next to the tub, her knees pulled up to her chest as she looked at Adora. Catra looked small like that. Small and afraid.

“Missed you too,” Catra said back, her voice just above a whisper.

Adora bit her lip a little anxiously and had to look away. She couldn’t look at Catra knowing she was the one who made her feel uncertain like this. But...wasn’t it because Adora herself felt uncertain that this whole thing had happened?

Adora pulled in a deep breath and forced herself to look back at Catra. “I’m sorry I’ve been...rough this week,” she said.

Catra leaned her head onto the side of the tub. “Are you gonna tell me what I did?” Catra asked, her voice soft and non-judgemental.

“Catra you didn’t...do anything,” Adora said. “And...well. That’s the problem. I feel like we never see each other anymore. I feel like we don’t talk.”

Catra straightened up, her shoulders coming up in a defensive stance. It was clear she was afraid of what else was coming from this conversation. Adora reached out and placed her hand on top of one of Catra’s knee.

“I just really miss you Catra. All the time, even when I wake up next to you,” Adora admitted.

“I’m sorry,” Catra said immediately, her ears pressing back flat onto her head. “I…”

“Hey, no, I should have said something—” Adora said but Catra cut her off, her eyes wide in realization.

“Oh my gods,” Catra breathed. “You did say something. You wanted—and I totally just brushed you off to hang out with the Guard. Adora—” Catra spoke frantically, and it was Adora who cut her off this time.

“Catra, hey, no,” Adora said as she moved closer. “No, you didn’t brush me off. You just. You’ve never had a really solid group of friends before. Of course you got caught up. I like that you have these people who like you and want to hang out with you. I’ve been so busy lately and I’ve been so thankful that you’ve found these people to keep you company when I can’t,” Adora said honestly.

“It’s just that...I’m not used to having to share your attention. And it’s...it’s making me feel a little insecure—which I hate. I don’t want to be jealous of your friends. I don’t want to keep you away from them,” she admitted, looking at her hands now, ashamed of how she was feeling.

Catra reached out and threaded their fingers. “Adora…” she breathed softly as she squeezed Adora’s hand. “You should have said something, dummy,” she said affectionately, reaching out with her free hand to smooth Adora’s hair back and turn her face up.

“I’ve only been spending so much time with those idiots because I’ve been wanting to give you space to relax,” Catra admitted. “I thought that having me around, wanting your attention after you’d had to listen to people bitch and complain all day would just cause you more stress.” She leaned forward some more to press a kiss to Adora’s lips softly. “I’ve been missing you too, Adora.”

Adora let out a sigh of relief, and then a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob. She shot forward and wrapped her arms around Catra in a hug, holding her tight. “You’re sure you’re not unhappy with me? You wouldn’t rather be with C.K.?” Adora asked, finally voicing her deepest concerns.

“What?” Catra asked softly as she held Adora tighter, seemingly undisturbed by the fact that she was getting soaked by the bath. “Adora, Captain Kass is married. To a man. And besides that, I don’t want anyone but you. You make me happier than anything.”

Adora let out another sigh of relief. “Oh, I’m so glad,” she breathed as she pressed her face into Catra’s neck.

— . —

That little jealous monster was finally evicted.

[welllpthisishappening]

Welllp These Are Books: the March 2021 Edition

There aren’t even any pictures! Except in that one book where there were pictures! It was weird! This was a weird book month! Back at it again with thoughts and opinions about a whole mess of books that no one explicitly asked for, but I’ve got lots of thoughts and opinions and they only count if I share them on the internet. Seriously, someone let me go to a baseball game soon. Obligatory warning for spoilers and vaguely unhinged rants under the cut. As always, feel free to come tell me what else I should be reading at literally any time ever.

Best Book of the Month Honors Goes to This Book, Even Though They Called It Halftime at a Hockey Game. A Hockey Game!

The Dating Plan by Sara Desai

Daisy Patel is a software engineer who understands lists and logic better than bosses and boyfriends. With her life all planned out, and no interest in love, the one thing she can't give her family is the marriage they expect. Left with few options, she asks her childhood crush to be her decoy fiancé. Liam Murphy is a venture capitalist with something to prove. When he learns that his inheritance is contingent on being married, he realizes his best friend's little sister has the perfect solution to his problem. A marriage of convenience will get Daisy's matchmaking relatives off her back and fulfill the terms of his late grandfather's will. If only he hadn’t broken her tender teenage heart nine years ago… Sparks fly when Daisy and Liam go on a series of dates to legitimize their fake relationship. Too late, they realize that very little is convenient about their arrangement. History and chemistry aren't about to follow the rules of this engagement.

— Ok, it’s important to know that I really did love this book. It hit all my trope-wants. Childhood friends, incredibly stupid misunderstandings, pining, seriously God the pining, fake engagement, BANTER. It was all going great. I was occasionally swooning. They kept making out! And then! THEN. They went to a hockey game. On a date. A fake date. Cool, cool, cool. All tropes, all the time right? Not so fast, internet! Because these self-proclaimed Sharks SUPER FANS referred to intermission as “halftime was coming up.” Halftime! At a hockey game! That’s—that’s not how hockey works! If this hadn’t been “traditionally” published, I probably could have let it slide. But that was not the case. This was a “real” book with, I can only assume, real editors. All of whom saw the words halftime and hockey near each other and we’re like YEAH, PRINT THAT SHIT. I read that at nearly one in the morning and seriously considered waking Justin up to be like CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS IN A REAL BOOK? Anyway, it was still real cute. Everyone lived happily ever after. It made want to eat samosas.

This Book Had Pictures, It Was Weird

Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews

On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is...different:  Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, "normal" is a bit of a stretch for Dina.

And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night...Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.

— So, Ilona Andrews is a name that keeps coming up because when I borrow a book from the library I have to go through Kindle and Amazon is like...here are some other absurd fantasy romances you’d enjoy. Also, one of her other series had been recc’ed to me. Only problem? The first book in that series is the only book in that series not available at my library. So, I was like, ok, I’ll start this one instead. It was...weird. Honestly, it felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of the story and the narrator was like, well why don’t you already know what’s going on? In theory the world building was cool. (I was not expecting alien werewolves, lemme tell you that!) But also it all felt very rushed and the end just sorta happened.

In Which I Continue to Love “Same Verse” Books & No One Else Had Sex in the Port Jeff High School Dugout. For Which I Was Grateful

Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey

Rosie and Dominic Vega are the perfect couple: high school sweethearts, best friends, madly in love. Well, they used to be anyway. Now Rosie’s lucky to get a caveman grunt from the ex-soldier every time she walks in the door. Dom is faithful and a great provider, but the man she fell in love with ten years ago is nowhere to be found. When her girlfriends encourage Rosie to demand more out of life and pursue her dream of opening a restaurant, she decides to demand more out of love, too. Three words: marriage boot camp.

Never in a million years did Rosie believe her stoic, too-manly-to-emote husband would actually agree to relationship rehab with a weed-smoking hippie. Dom talking about feelings? Sitting on pillows? Communing with nature? Learning love languages? Nope. But to her surprise, he’s all in, and it forces her to admit her own role in their cracked foundation. As they complete one ridiculous—yet surprisingly helpful—assignment after another, their remodeled relationship gets stronger than ever. Except just as they’re getting back on track, Rosie discovers Dom has a secret... and it could demolish everything.

— Listen, one of my absolutely favorite tropes that I do not think gets enough love in the world is COMMITTED LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. And, like, ok, sure the premise of this was that they were separating in that long-lasting relationship. But no one really believed that, did they? Rosie and Dominic were real cute and their banter was good and I wasn’t totally skeeved out when they literally fucked on the kitchen floor. So, I think that’s saying something. Also, also! I seriously appreciated the realism of this book because no one on Long Island would ever call Manhattan Manhattan. It’s the city. Every other borough gets a name, but Manhattan is just the city and I nearly cheered when they said that. But also, no one’s taking a cab from Port Jeff to the Meatpacking District. You know what that would cost? God.

Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey

Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously.

When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, and the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way.

As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.

— It should first be noted that in the three books of this series, I could not and cannot understand why Bethany’s brother was such a monumental dick. He was just...he was a dick. His marriage was awful. How long was his wife pregnant without him knowing???? I digress. This continued to be cute, Bethany was a legit heroine as far as those rom-com things go, Wes was very Texas and that got a little over the top, but they had sex in a bed like normal people so that helped. Oh, except that one time on the construction site. Whatever, this book was cute. This whole series was cute, really, and I was a big fan of the happy little wrap-everything-up with a bow ending.

Romance That Happens In Point Two Seconds Is...Unbelievable

Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey

The road trip was definitely a bad idea. Having already flambéed her culinary career beyond recognition, Rita Clarkson is now stranded in God-Knows-Where, New Mexico, with a busted-ass car and her three temperamental siblings, who she hasn't seen in years. When rescue shows up---six-feet-plus of hot, charming sex on a motorcycle---Rita's pretty certain she's gone from the frying pan right into the fire . . . Jasper Ellis has a bad boy reputation in this town, and he loathes it. The moment he sees Rita, though, Jasper knows he's about to be sorely tempted. There's something real between them. Something raw. And Jasper has only a few days to show Rita that he isn't just for tonight---he's forever.

— For as much as I loved the Port Jeff series by my new pal Tessa, this one was...oof. Too much, guys. Too much. Fucking in trucks. Fucking in back offices. The whole book lasted, like, three days. And keep in mind this is coming from someone who has written like two million words about Killian Jones, self-loathing champ 250 years running, but Jasper’s self-loathing was a little over the top. Like, let’s not objectify dudes, but also...I don’t know guys. Maybe the other books in the series are better? I was mostly just annoyed by Rita.

What the Hell Happened at the End of This Book?? Seriously, I Have No Idea

The Queen’s Assassin by Melissa de la Cruz

Caledon Holt is the kingdom's deadliest weapon. No one alive can best him in speed, strength, or brains, which is why he's the Hearthstone Guild's most dangerous member. Cal is also the Queen's Assassin, bound to her by magic and unable to leave her service until the task she's set for him is fulfilled. Shadow of the Honey Glade has been training all her life to join the Guild, hoping that one day she'll become an assassin as feared and revered as Cal. But Shadow's mother and aunts expect her to serve the crown as a lady of the Renovian Court. When a surprise attack brings Shadow and Cal together, they're forced to team up as assassin and apprentice. Even though Shadow's life belongs to the court and Cal's belongs to the queen, they cannot deny their attraction to each other. But now, with war on the horizon and true love at risk, Shadow and Cal will uncover a shocking web of lies that will change their paths forever.

—WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS BOOK??? I figured out the so-called twist like...two chapters in. Fine, ok, whatever. It’s YA, this is not rocket science and I was interested enough in Cale and Shadow to see how it all played out. Only it didn’t really play out! Because the whole end was just this like four chapter retcon of basically EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED and I genuinely could not believe it was happening. It didn’t make sense?!? Like with the plot? Also, spoiler, good thing Shadow and the other king haven’t consummated their marriage yet since she and Cale totally fucked after her wedding? What is YA? Why is Amazon telling me this is a Teacher’s Pick? Why hasn’t my hold come through on the sequel yet so I know what happens next?

Low-Stakes Romance Was Real Boring and All The People Were Boring In It

The Ten Rules for Faking It by Sophie Sullivan

As birthdays go, this year’s for radio producer Everly Dean hit rock-bottom. Worse than the “tonsillectomy birthday.” Worse than the birthday her parents decided to split (the first time). But catching your boyfriend cheating on you with his assistant? Even clichés sting. But this is Everly’s year! She won’t let her anxiety hold her back. She’ll pitch her podcast idea to her boss. There’s just one problem. Her boss, Chris, is very cute. (Of course). Also, he's extremely distant (which means he hates her, right? Or is that the anxiety talking)? And, Stacey the DJ didn’t mute the mic during Everly’s rant about Simon the Snake (syn: Cheating Ex). That’s three problems. Suddenly, people are lining up to date her, Bachelorette-style, fans are voting (Reminder: never leave house again), and her interest in Chris might be a two-way street. It’s a lot for a woman who could gold medal in people-avoidance. She’s going to have to fake it ‘till she makes it to get through all of this. Perhaps she’ll make a list: The Ten Rules for Faking It. 

— I am a broken record. Shouting. From the highest hilltop. Just because you think someone is cute when you’re technically not supposed to be dating them does not mean you get to be anything less than nice around them! It’s not cute! And part two, which often goes with part one: rom com dudes have GOT to stop lying or hiding or otherwise avoiding telling people who they really are. It’s a convoluted, passably lazy way of writing and dropping a third-act bomb on the story. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. We’ve moved past the need for hidden identities. Unless he’s, like, a spy or something. Um...this was a weird book. I know Everly had anxiety and that became a PLOT POINT, patent pending, but she was also not super relatable? Which is crazy considering my very real, rather undiagnosed anxiety. Chris was boring. The whole plot, as this title suggests, was very low stakes and no one actually  seemed to remember that their jobs were ever on the line? Did Everly and Chris have a conversation before they decided they liked each other? Who can say, really.

Shipped by Angie Hockman

Between taking night classes for her MBA and her demanding day job at a cruise line, marketing manager Henley Evans barely has time for herself, let alone family, friends, or dating. But when she’s shortlisted for the promotion of her dreams, all her sacrifices finally seem worth it. The only problem? Graeme Crawford-Collins, the remote social media manager and the bane of her existence, is also up for the position. Although they’ve never met in person, their epic email battles are the stuff of office legend. Their boss tasks each of them with drafting a proposal on how to boost bookings in the Galápagos—best proposal wins the promotion. There’s just one catch: they have to go on a company cruise to the Galápagos Islands...together. But when the two meet on the ship, Henley is shocked to discover that the real Graeme is nothing like she imagined. As they explore the Islands together, she soon finds the line between loathing and liking thinner than a postcard. With her career dreams in her sights and a growing attraction to the competition, Henley begins questioning her life choices. Because what’s the point of working all the time if you never actually live?

— YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE TO DECIDE YOU LIKE THEM. AUTHORS REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. IF THEY ONLY LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY KISS WELL IT’S NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME. Back at it again with the annoying so-called heroine who was just...occasionally real mean to Graem for no reason at all? Also her name was Henley. Which is not a great reason to dislike her, but here we are.

Apparently I Read These Books Out Of Order. Who Knew?

Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev

It is a truth universally acknowledged that only in an overachieving Indian American family can a genius daughter be considered a black sheep.

Dr. Trisha Raje is San Francisco’s most acclaimed neurosurgeon. But that’s not enough for the Rajes, her influential immigrant family who’s achieved power by making its own non-negotiable rules:

·       Never trust an outsider

·       Never do anything to jeopardize your brother’s political aspirations

·       And never, ever, defy your family

Trisha is guilty of breaking all three rules. But now she has a chance to redeem herself. So long as she doesn’t repeat old mistakes.

Up-and-coming chef DJ Caine has known people like Trisha before, people who judge him by his rough beginnings and place pedigree above character. He needs the lucrative job the Rajes offer, but he values his pride too much to indulge Trisha’s arrogance. And then he discovers that she’s the only surgeon who can save his sister’s life.

As the two clash, their assumptions crumble like the spun sugar on one of DJ’s stunning desserts. But before a future can be savored there’s a past to be reckoned with...

A family trying to build home in a new land.

A man who has never felt at home anywhere.

And a choice to be made between the two.

— Surprise, apparently this was the first book in the series. I did not know. It didn’t affect my enjoyment of the Persuasion version in this same ‘verse, which is also strange because I liked the Persuasion one way better. There was a lot of medical in this. And not super uplifting medical, either. This was like...oh the Jane character (I guess???) has cancer and either she’s going to go blind after having a surgery (also she was an artist, so you see how this was a problem) or she’s just going to decide to die. Wait, what? That came out of left field, really. Also DJ and Trisha were not nice to each other. Like, I know this is Pride and Prejudice so there has to be some of that at the start, but it wasn’t like Trisha ever really went through the Darcy-required time at Pemberly. She just decided she liked DJ and told him and it was as awkward as Jane Austen intended it, but then we got more medical and everything was cool. It felt very rushed and shoehorned into a modern setting and the Persuasion one was better. You can’t have Darcy’s growth without the Pemberly stuff. You just can’t.

In Which I Didn’t Like a Nickname??? Is the World Ending??

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

Alexis Carlisle and her cat café, ToeBeans, have shot to fame after she came forward as a victim of a celebrity chef’s sexual harassment. When a new customer approaches to confide in her, the last thing Alexis expects is for the woman to claim they’re sisters. Unsure what to do, Alexis turns to the only man she trusts—her best friend, Noah Logan.   Computer genius Noah left his rebellious teenage hacker past behind to become a computer security expert. Now he only uses his old skills for the right cause. But Noah’s got a secret: He’s madly in love with Alexis. When she asks for his help, he wonders if the timing will ever be right to confess his crush.   Noah’s pals in The Bromance Book Club are more than willing to share their beloved “manuals” to help him go from bud to boyfriend. But he must decide if telling the truth is worth risking the best friendship he’s ever had.

— If Noah was going to call her Lexa, then her name should have been Alexa and not Alexis. That’s it and that’s all. Also, the story was n u t s. Estranged dads and kidney failure and they got together so fast in this book. Which usually is cool by me, but I really could not get over the nickname and the estranged family was mean to Alexis. Lexa. HER NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALEXA, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Also Noah was a former hacker? The estranged family accused him corporate espionage or something? A lot happened in this book, guys. Her name should have been Alexa.

Dumb Brother Was Dumb™ Everyone Else Was Real Cute

The Off Limits Rule by Sarah Adams

I have found rock bottom. It's here, moving in with my older brother because I'm too broke to afford to live on my own. It's okay though, because we've always been close and I think I'm going to have fun living with him again.

 That is until I meet Cooper...

 Turns out, my brother has very strong opinions on the idea of me dating his best friend and is dead set against it. According to him, Cooper is everything I should stay away from: flirtatious, adventurous, non-committal, and freaking hot. (I added that last part because I feel like you need the whole picture.) My brother is right--I should stay away from Cooper James and his pretty blue eyes. He's the opposite of what I need right now.

 Nah--who am I kidding? I'm going for it.

— This was cute, mostly mindless fluff. Hit some trope high points, including, obviously, best friends sister. Only the brother in question was a Neanderthal and I really thought people were going to make out more while said brother was on his business trip. I got it for free off Amazon. Which I think should explain a lot. Like, story-wise. Sorry, free Amazon books. Don’t be insulted.

Prose, Prose, Prose, Please Someone Have a Conversation

Trick by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Spring, Poet is renowned. He's young and pretty, a lover of men and women. He performs for the court, kisses like a scoundrel, and mocks with a silver tongue. Yet allow him this: It's only the most cunning and manipulative soul who can play the fool. For beyond the castle walls, Poet guards a secret. One the Crown would shackle him for. One that he'll risk everything to protect. Alas, it will take more than clever words to deceive Princess Briar. Convinced that he's juggling lies as well as verse, this righteous nuisance of a girl is determined to expose him. But not all falsehoods are fiendish. Poet's secret is delicate, binding the jester and princess in an unlikely alliance—and kindling a breathless attraction, as alluring as it is forbidden.

— The purplest of prose. Mauve prose. Royal purple prose. Lavender prose. There was so much writing here. So much. Too much, some might say. I say. Actually. If we want to get specific. And that was a shame, really, because when Briar and Poet actually had a conversation, they were interesting to read about. Also, the world building here? Yeeeesh. The so-called, wait for it, FOOL TRADE played a prominent role and that was...super cringe. Super Cringe. That being said, I asked Justin what I should read next and he thought it was funny that a book was just called...

Dare by Natalia Jaster

In the Kingdom of Summer, they say she's wild. Locked in a cage by the sea, Flare dreams of escape. She dreams of a lost world, known only in legends. The island is calling to her. And she won't let anyone keep her from it. Especially not him. They say he's cruel. Jeryn has crossed the ocean for the Trade, to bargain for those fierce, imprisoned creatures that make his skin crawl. By law, they're subjects meant for experimentation. And easy to despise. One girl in particular. But on the cusp of transport, the tide rages. That hidden island awaits. Stranded, the prince and prisoner must fight to survive. In a mysterious rainforest, they must band together...if they don't slay one another first. Or become something more to each other.  Something just as dangerous.

— This was Justin’s fault. He could not believe this book was just called Dare. It should have been called “We’re going to weirdly force what is basically slavery into this story and then a prince is going to fall in love with an escaped slave and we’re also going to call that ROMANCE.” y i k e s. Remember that one story that took place over three days? This was the complete opposite. Years! They were shipwrecked for years! They got saved, spoilers, the DAY they started having sex. What are the odds, right?? And then MORE YEARS passed. Multiple years! Five years! They couldn’t actually be together because of that aforementioned slave trade. What the shit, man? Natalia, ya gotta be kidding me with this. The internet claimed Trick was good and a solid follow to reading ACOTAR and that there was this whole verse and it was also good. The internet was wrong.

Nothing Happened, Everything Happened, I...Hated It

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Kristin Cashore’s bestselling, award-winning fantasy Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, a smart, beautiful teenager who lives in a world where selected people are given a Grace, a special talent that can be anything from dancing to swimming. Katsa’s is killing. As the king’s niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his thug. Along the way, Katsa must learn to decipher the true nature of her Grace… and how to put it to good use. A thrilling, action-packed fantasy adventure (and steamy romance!) that will resonate deeply with adolescents trying to find their way in the world.

— I can’t believe this was a book. Katsa was so annoying! Like, listen, I know her life was sad. And she was a pawn being used against her will. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The tone of the whole book was so strangely formal and Poe was strangely in love with Katsa? Who obviously didn’t want to get married because she was WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. Or kill people, as the case may be. Only she wanted to make out with Poe? Only ONLY they didn’t even really get together at the end? I could not believe the end of this book. I nearly threw my Kindle across the room. Once again, no apologies for spoilers because do not read this book, but HE WAS BLIND? Katsa had to leave him behind to save his cousin and he just ENDED UP BEING BLIND? AND THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER REALLY?? What the fuck? Seriously. Steamy romance, my ass. Nothing happened. The villain got defeated in point two seconds. There are other books in this universe? No, thanks.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Undercover Lover prt 22 prt 1

22

To Eren’s complete surprise he didn’t wind up in bed with Levi at the end of the night. He’d drunk enough to be nicely buzzed, but Isabel had been at the bar with her daughter, who’d taken an instant liking to him. Hanging onto him, Hannah wouldn’t listen to “Daddy Farlan”, or “Mummy Izzy”. The four year old squarely sitting in his lap and deciding they were now best friends. Erwin had been on guard over the whole thing, Farlan cranky he’d been temporarily misplaced, but no one could argue with the logic of a four year old and it was kind of really nice to be a “hero” again, like he’d been to Mina and Thomas.

His drinks had swapped to water, the little girl in his lap talked on and on about all sorts of things until Isabel placed a colouring book in front of her to try to settle her down. That only made her more excited as she asked Eren all about the colours and told him off when he got the names of things in the pictures wrong. Seated beside Levi, Levi wasn’t handling having Hannah being messy beside him. Eren using his arm to keep her from annoying “Uncle Levi” too much. Part of him was jealous. Jealous that Mikasa had experienced pregnancy twice before he’d even found his mate. He’d always kind of gone first to protect his friends, then she’d gone and done the one thing he’d never thought he could do. Seeing her pregnant had been hard, but he’s been so proud of her and loved his niece and nephew fiercely, thinking they’d be the closest thing he’d ever to his own children.

“Eren! You’re not listening to me”

Taking a pencil up the nose, Eren supposed he deserved it. He couldn’t help wanting to watch Levi from the corner of his eye. His body deciding to be extra clucky, except Levi really did seem to prefer some distance between him and Hannah

“I’m sorry, Hannah. I was thinking and it hurt”

“I bet it did. I don’t know what colour to do the dress”

Everything was creatively coloured as it was. The princess in the picture now with blue and green skin

“Hmmm... what’s mummy’s favourite colour?”

“How am I supposed to know that?”

“Fair point. What about red? Like mummy’s hair?”

“She can’t wear a red dress! Her skin is green!”

Hannah made it sound like some inexcusable crime. Eren snorting. Kids were so damn brutal

“Okay, what about pink?”

“Pink is dumb”

Picking up the pink pencil, Eren had a feeling that was something someone had told Hannah and not her actual feelings on the colour. Colouring the edge of the dress, Eren shrugged, sounding as casual as he could

“I don’t know. I think it’s pretty nice...”

“I like pink too”

Ah. Yep. There it was

“Then you should colour her dress in. You’re doing a great job there”

Hannah lit up under the praise. All children seemed to become show offs for every single adult that wasn’t their parent. Cupping her hand, Hannah “whispered”

“I know. Don’t tell mummy but she’s really bad at this”

“Okay... I won’t. But I bet mummy tries really hard”

Sighing at how hard her little life was, Hannah was once again brutal

“Uncle Levi says she’s very trying”

Across the table Hanji snorted with laughter. She and Erwin had been talking back and forth until Hanji’s husband Moblit had arrived. The night had gotten pretty late and Isabel and Farlan were bussing tables and cleaning up. Levi banned from helping them in a way that didn’t sit right with Eren. Levi couldn’t help his OCD tendencies, and didn’t need to be ragged on for cleaning things within an inch of their life

“No, honey. It’s Uncle Levi that’s trying”

“The only thing Uncle Levi is trying to do is grow up... Even mummy’s taller than him”

Hanji cackled. Eren finding himself upset that his mate was being picked on. Poking Hannah gently in the side, he frowned at her over her shoulder

“Now. That’s not very nice. Your Uncle Levi loves you very much. People come in all shapes and sizes and that’s okay”

“You can say that because you’re huge”

“And you little missy are tiny...”

Tickling Hannah’s sides gently, Hannah howled with laughter. A gentle explanation was always his preferred to a harsh scolding

“Nooooo!”

Stopping tickling Hannah, Hannah stared up at him. Shit. He really really missed Mina

“Are you okay? You look sad. Sometimes you need to do a big poo when you’re sad”

That sounded like an adapted “getting shit over and done with”

“Did your Uncle tell you that?”

“Daddy did”

“I’m sure he has a point. He’s a smart man”

“He is. But he does smelly poos”

This kid was killing him. Farlan calling over to them from the bar

“That’s enough, Hannah. Finish up your picture, it’s bed time”

“I wanna stay here!”

“I know, but it’s past your bedtime as it is!”

It well and truly was. It was past his bedtime too. Isabel explained she hadn’t been able to get a sitter, but Farlan couldn’t clean up on his own

“You know, even I have a bedtime”

Hannah’s eyes went wide

“You do?”

“Yep. I get up and go to work super early”

“That’s stupid. I don’t want to go to bed”

Nope. Hannah was on the verge of an overtired meltdown. Eren could see it on her face. He’d managed to avoid waterworks so far, time to be distracting again

“If you work fast, we can finish this picture before you do. I’d really like to see it all coloured in”

With Hannah falling asleep against him, the other said their goodbyes while he and Levi waited for Farlan and Isabel to finish up. Erwin was oddly nice when he thought about things. He hadn’t snarked at him once, though he had been on edge when Hannah started clinging to the omega. With Moblit being the designated sober driver, Hanji was hanging off her husband, demanding Erwin come back to their’s for more drinks. Levi sighing as Moblit apologised, but Eren felt Levi was more or less sighing at him becoming a pillow for the four year old when all the alpha wanted to do was go home. His very important job as a pillow rendering them stuck until for a further half an hour where Eren carried little miss Hannah out to the car, so Isabel had her hands free to unclip the car seat and triple check she had everything before Eren lowered Hannah into place.

Left out of the “boys club” Farlan and Levi were having a cigarette together near the back door of the bar. Eren unable to stop himself from shooting a wistful glance at the cigarette he really wished he was having

“Sooo. You and my big brother?”

Not another one... Clipping Hannah into place, Isabel re-emerged out the car, a mischievous smile on her face

“Are friends. I ended up with no place to stay and he took in a stray”

“Mhmm. I might believe it if it wasn’t big brother Levi. He took me and Farlan in, but that was years ago... before he was so... anal about things”

Eren wasn’t touching that one

“Our piece of sh...sugar boss had me training him. We’ve been working together for a few months now”

Isabel crossed her arms, her expression turning serious

“Thank you for looking after Hannah tonight, but if you’re thinking of hurting my brother...”

“Don’t worry, I’ve had the talk repeatedly. No. I’m not thinking of hurting Levi”

Looking him up and down, Isabel snorted a giggle, covering her mouth as she did

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Yeah, no. Don’t worry. I’m not going to pull an Erwin on you. I can tell you’re an okay guy. I mean, Hannah absolutely adores you already, and you were really great with her”

“My adoptive sister has two of her own. I’m the cool uncle”

“I’m sure you are. Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and Levi, but I know he’s not going to be happy tonight. He’s not that great at dealing with Hannah’s whims. I mean, he tries, but it’s hard for him with his...”

Isabel gestured, leaving Eren to nod understandingly

“His need for clean? I know. I noticed how he wanted to join in, but kept stopping himself. Thanks for the heads up”

“He really must think you’re special if he’s bringing you around again. He’s been hurt a lot, it’s not for me stay but he stayed with his uncle for a bit, then his uncle up and left him. Sometimes it’s like he thinks we’ll leave him too. He’s a good man. I mean, he didn’t have to help me and Farlan out, but he’s always been there for us. Maybe you can get through to him that he’s okay being himself”

“I’m not sure about that. I mean, he has his quirks, but I think that’s just him...”

“You’re being dense on purpose. Look, he likes you and you like him. Don’t break his heart or Farlan will really break your neck”

“I don’t plan on it”

“Then you’re welcome back any time... though I shouldn’t really say that as it’s not Rod’s territory here and Rod is a total tosser”

“Isabel, the last thing I want to do is cause drama. I know how important family is, and it’s not always blood family that makes an actual family. I don’t want Levi getting caught up in my sh-sugar, and I don’t want anything happening to him...”

Choosing now to start walking over to them, Eren let his sentence trail off. Isabel giggling over it as she smiled brightly. He didn’t need her to tell him not to hurt Levi. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Even blowing his cover was preferable to Levi ending up hurt or locked away. All he could do was wait patiently until Pixis had signed off on the arrest warrants and they could move in for the bust.

Slinging his arm around Isabel’s shoulder, Farlan actually smiled at him

“Thanks for looking after Hannah. I wasn’t sure you had it in you”

Hopefully he hadn’t given everyone the wrong impression with his longing to see his family again. Wrapping his arms around himself, Eren lamented how nice the night was. It’d be perfect for a long ride down to the coast

“She reminds me of my niece... well, and my sister. I haven’t seen them in awhile, they’re not close... Sorry. Anyway, yeah. Thanks for tonight. I was pretty sure either you or Erwin were plotting my death, so it’s nice to know I’m going to be around for a little longer”

Ending with a nervous laugh Eren hoped he hadn’t just ruined all the nights work. Farlan wasn’t giving him anything. Levi put his hand on Eren’s arm, Eren’s heart giving a weird beat as he tried to avoid looking at Isabel who wore a smirk on her face. Okay. He couldn’t do anything about this, but it didn’t have to mean anything if he didn’t let it

“Tch. No one’s about to kill you. I’ll come see you guys soon. We’re leaving, brat”

The “goodbye” felt a little awkward. Isabel smacking Farlan for something the man whispered as they walked away. To make matters more confusing, Levi kept his hand on Eren’s arm right up until they reached the alpha’s car

“You’re right to drive, right?”

Eren cocked his head in confusion

“I can if you want me to. I didn’t think you drank that much”

“I didn’t... you just had a look on your face like you were thinking about something far away”

“Oh, it’s fine. I was just thinking this a nice night to go for a ride”

“You’re not getting on your motorbike after drinking”

“But you’ll let me drive your car?”

Levi huffed, he’d somehow pissed the alpha off

“If you don’t want to drive, I’ll fucking drive”

“No. It’s okay. I don’t mind. You had a pretty long night and I’m the one who had a nap”

Handing over the keys, Levi finally took his hand off Eren’s arm. Levi’s hands carried a certain kind of warmth that he’d been starved of for so long

“You crash my car...”

“Yeah, yeah. Anywhere in particular, or just home?”

“Whatever. Where do you usually go when you go out on your bike?”

“That’s a bit of a drive”

“Then don’t fucking crash”

*

Levi fell asleep during the drive. Eren stopping at a 24 hour service station to pick up a coffee and a tea for the sleeping alpha, before continuing the drive out to the coast. The first time he’d come to the beach had been with his friends, kind of like a last hurrah before they plunged into the world of adulthood. Parking up near the park before the pier, there was a certain kind of magic that came with being near the ocean at night. Leaving the car running and the heater on, Eren took his coffee as he left Levi sleeping, making the walk to the closest bench to sit and think about how Levi’s car needed a new ignition barrel seeing the car was on and the keys were in his pocket.

Their trip to the beach was the last time Mikasa confessed her feelings for him. Maybe he would have felt something if they hadn’t been brother and sister, something that felt almost instant when Mikasa joined their family. Heck, in under a year, he’d gained a sister only a little older than he was, and a new best friend. His mother had adored Mikasa. Mikasa who got the perfect grades and to which everything came as naturally as breathing air. Okay, that might be a little harsh, but it’d certainly shown his mother how much he was lacking.

Stretching out, it was amazing what the mind remembered. He didn’t remember the whole trip. He couldn’t remember who brought them to the beach, but he could remember things like failing hard at beach volleyball ball, and Sasha eating a whole watermelon by herself. Jean had been stupid enough to get a mouthful of water on his forest dive under the waves, their friend Conny laughing hard as Jean complained about how salty it had tasted. He’d known for a long time he didn’t want to be a doctor. When his dad started acting crazy after his mother’s death, he’d honestly been terrified to death at time of his father’s mental instability. Fortunately, all his father’s disappointments fell on his shoulders, not Mikasa’s. One night his father took it too far. He’d driven him out to the middle of the forest and just lost it completely. The fear he felt... he never wanted anyone else to feel it... and with no one having all that much belief in him, he’d turned into a right little shit. How he managed to graduate, he still wasn’t sure. He just knew he had to get out. That there was a world out there, and there were people suffering because no one would speak up for them.

So. He’d become an officer. Mikasa and Armin right there beside him... His Armin... who hadn’t even been able to stand up to bullies. He wanted more for Armin, but Armin made his mind up. By some twist of fate, he had no idea until he was at the training academy that Jean, Marco, Connie, and Sasha had all sort of followed him. Each of them wanting to escape the shit in their lives and not wanting to lose what they had as a group. Over time they spilt up, then came back together, split up again, then came back together when Mikasa and Jean married. Fast forward a few more years and Marco was dead, and there he was feeling sorry for himself. He hadn’t been the best officer. He’d had more than one written warning over his conduct, but he worked hard at his cases the best he could.

Lost in contemplation, Eren jumped as Levi came up behind him

“The next time you piss in a cup, don’t leave in the car”

“It’s not my fault service station tea isn’t to your liking. It cost me a whole dollar. You should be grateful”

“Says the lunatic that’s kidnapped me”

Tilting his head back, Eren stared up at the star shot sky

“You asked where I went. Normally I’d go along the coast, but this is nice”

Other than the waves and the very distant sounds of the port the place was fairly quiet. Shinganshima had hit its housing boom in his teen years, people wanting more and more to live closer to the coast. Thanks development laws, there were still nice patches of coast like this.

Walking around the bench, Levi dropped down next to him, before grimacing as he sipped his tea

“Maybe if you added sugar the taste wouldn’t be so bad?”

“I don’t think sugar can save this piss”

“Probably not. The coffee wasn’t awful...”

“It’s the middle of the night, don’t blame me when you can’t sleep”

“I’ll be fine...”

Tilting his head forward again, Eren looked to Levi as he spoke

“... but speaking of that, are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seemed a little on edge when Hannah was colouring in”

Levi gazed at the lid of his tea, the alpha tensing momentarily, then relaxing again

“I guess I’m not used to kids. I don’t dislike her... she’s my niece... but I don’t know what to do”

“I didn’t know what to do either at first... She kept making me miss my niece...”

“You could call them?”

“Nah. I mean, I don’t want my sister coming down and getting mixed up with Rod”

“Fair call. I didn’t expect you to be so good with her”

“Must be an omega thing. Though, when you look at Mikasa, she’s the one who’s got it figured out. Not me. I didn’t really realise how jealous I was of her...”

There he went, letting himself talk too much again

“You want kids?”

“I don’t know. I never thought it’d be an option outside of adoption. Honestly, Armin is the only one who knew how hard I took Mikasa falling pregnant. She’s always been the best out of the three of us. I sound so pathetic right now”

“I think you earned the right to being pathetic after babysitting most of the night”

Eren snorted. Kids weren’t hard... adults were the tricky bit of life

“She was fine. Like I said, I was more worried about you”

“Tch. It’s about a decade too soon for you to be worrying about me”

“Still... Sorry. I’m probably making you uncomfortable”

A long moment turned to several before Levi replied. The alpha’s voice low, almost mumbled

“I know I’m not the best at human interactions... I also know I shouldn’t let myself be controlled by my need to clean...”

It sounded an awful lot like Levi was about to apologise

“Don’t. Yeah, I might not get it. But I’m not the one in your head being frustrated by it all. You’re okay to act how you need to act. It’s just another part of you. I know I’m not going to be the best room mate but I respect that it’s your apartment and that things need to be a certain way. I want you to feel like you can tell me off if I’ve done something wrong”

Great. They were plunged into silence again. Eren didn’t know how he kept saying the wrong thing. Finishing his tea, Levi leaned right back on the park bench

“I don’t understand what there’s to be jealous about, but you don’t have to judge yourself by everyone else’s standards”

And Levi called him weird...

“It’s pretty bad to be jealous of your own sister...”

“It’s worse to act on that jealousy”

Still. He was. Twice Mikasa had grown this whole other little human in her belly. Twice she’d given birth. Even if he experienced it, he was afraid he’d feel inferior seeing Mikasa had been there and done all that before him

“I shouldn’t have brought it up. I mean, I love my niece and nephew... I just... feel left behind because my dynamic is messed up”

“Tch. You have so little confidence that it’s amazing you made it anywhere in life. Of course you’re allowed to feel jealous. I read some of those sites on beta-omegas and they’re fucking shit”

He’d pushed Levi as it was. He didn’t want the alpha expiring from the embarrassment of showing he cared enough to try work Eren out

“Pretty much. Hurrah! You’re broken, but you can still get on your hands and knees and lick your alphas feet. I don’t want to be like that”

“That’s fucking revolting. Do you know how dirty feet are?”

“Especially ours. Here I was, trying to let you know you can talk to me, and I’ve turned it into a shitty counselling session”

“It’s fine. We make a great shitty pair”

“Us against the world. Wouldn’t it be nice if we just jump on a boat? Sail away like our enemies weren’t out there waiting for us”

“Don’t remind. Rod wants me in Eldia next weekend for some major underground fight. The way he spoke to begin with, I thought I’d have more time. I’ll leave the Thursday night and be back Monday morning”

If Levi was going away, he’d have to find a place to stay. Not that he didn’t have to as it was. He couldn’t very well follow Rod to the fight

“I’ll book a hotel tomorrow”

“Why?”

“You won’t be home”

“Tch. It’s your apartment too for now. It’s fine. Don’t shit on the benches and we won’t have problem”

“What if I shit in the fridge?”

“Then... I don’t know. Fuck”

Eren chuckled. It wasn’t often he managed to confuse Levi into not knowing what to say

“It’s okay, I promise I won’t. I still feel bad you took me in”

“I’m not sorry to see the last of those stairs. Are you sure it’s okay leaving your shit there?”

He wasn’t giving up his lease. He hadn’t really wanted to leave in the first place, it was simply too risky to be caught by Rod’s morons at the wrong moment

“Yeah. I got what was important. Plus, don’t forget those stairs. If Rod wants to break in, his goons have to go up those stairs again. Imagine the effort of trying to rob the place when you have to go up and down. Perfect deterrent”

“They could just toss all your shit out the window”

“That’s not the most comforting of thoughts”

His stuff would be looted within half of an hour of it being turfed out the window. Though, if it had to be stolen, having it stolen by people who actually needed it wasn’t so bad

“I’m not the most comforting of people”

“I don’t think you’re all that bad. Even if I know fuck all about you”

Levi snorted

“Not much to fucking tell. Never knew my dad, then when I was kid, my mum got sick and passed away. I was what they call “heading down the wrong path” when I fell in with Erwin. He knew Hanji and Moblit before I did...”

“I think there’s many people who’d say being a street fighter working for a thug is still heading down the wrong path”

“Probably. Yeah. But when you’ve been fighting your whole life, there’s not that many options open”

“Mmm. Trying being a killer...”

“You’re not a killer... I... I don’t know the situation but I do know you wouldn’t have killed your partner. How do you feel about the police force now?”

He honestly couldn’t blame them for the fallout and eventually all would come out when he was reinstated

“I don’t hate them. None of us can say for sure what happened... I’m okay where I am now... kind of. I mean, things used to be simpler, but I don’t feel like I’m just existing anymore”

Thanks to Levi. Having a friend... He hadn’t realised how much he missed someone who was going through kind of the same thing. Being a different dynamic meant a different point of view, yet Levi was his what helped make work more bearable than it had been

“Shit, brat. You’re being nice. Maybe I shouldn’t have let you drive”

“Fuck off. I got us here, didn’t I?”

“Yep. Bumfuck nowhere”

“Pretty much. Still, it’s different on a bike. We should get you a helmet”

“Or we could not”

Eren snorted. Levi just didn’t get the feeling of freedom at all

“Can we compromise?”

“No. I’ve seen too many accidents... on the news, I mean...”

“That’s not always the case. Look, with Hannah, you don’t have to try so hard. Yeah, kids are sticky and messy, but as long as you’re nice, they’re not that bad. I think she wanted your attention tonight”

“I’m already juggling one brat, I don’t need two”

[eatember]

venting

An alter is trying to get me to wrap my brain around the fact that DID itself is traumatic.

If I switch in and I think there’s something we're supposed be doing and it’s noon and it’s not done I get legit emotional flashbacks. And I know I’m not super...realistic or logical about this because sometimes it’s a task I thought we needed to do but we decided not to, or to do it another day, etc. And if I were thinking clearly, I could easily ask just the alters why we haven’t done the thing. 

But I spiral into thoughts about how... like from back before I knew about DID and I could spend all morning just getting ready and I genuinely didn’t understand why it took so long and why I was so bad at being a person. Why the clock kept changing so dramatically from moment to moment. Why no doctor had an answer. I had no idea I was dissociating for as long as I was or having dissociative amnesia. I didn’t understand why I kept showing up for doc appointments on the wrong day. It was Monday, I go to sleep, I get to the appointment by whatever time the next morning, right? I know it’s Tuesday because yesterday was Monday right? When the 15th receptionist looks at me like I’m crazy and tells me it’s Thursday the whatever-ith it’s easy to doubt you know what month you’re in. And sometimes you don’t. 

The other day an alter called Black woke up after cleaning the kitchen (or so he thought) and found dirty dishes with mold in them. Because it had actually been days. And that REALLY freaked him out, he got really upset. Today I tried to get a slice of cake (we had it from a celebration, it was kind of a big deal to have the cake) only to see it had gone bad, sitting right there on the table. It’s been days, apparently. I had to throw away most of my cake, and most of the other alters were confused too. We check the calendar every day but we switch during the day, too. So it’s really hard to keep up. 

The alter who was trying to comfort me about this keep reiterating that this experience it terrifying, and that this in itself is trauma. Especially when it was going untreated and undiagnosed. And like, I can say all these things, but to emotionally know all of this is like... too big. :/ 

[ruffiorocks]

Lena still doesn't have a logical reason to turn bad not without cancelling out everything she has ever done.

OK, so first off I really enjoyed that episode! After watching the last episode of GOT I needed something exciting! (But let's not go into that s**t show)

So I'm going to focus here on Lena. Now Lena from the start of the episode was against Lex and was trying to stop him. What he was doing was despicable to her. She even goes out of her way to kill Lex (once again being the one who ACTUALLY saved the day).

Now let's remember what Lena said to him "The world will never be a safe place with you in it". This is really significant! Lena has always done what she has done to protect people, humans and aliens alike. Lena has never differentiated between the two. Lena killed her own brother because she knew he would never stop and the world would never be a safe place.

So what can we take from this? Lena is willing to go to the extreme to keep the world safe. Does that make her a squeaky clean simble of hope like Supergirl? No it doesn't, because Supergirl doesn't make those choices. Supergirl believes in the good of everyone and she even wanted to save Lex's life. That's noble and all but locking Lex up only ever results in him getting out and causing more mayhem and death. Lena sees things differently, she knows he won't ever stop so she permanently (for now) stopped him.

Lena isn't the same kind of hero that Supergirl is. One is the Hero and the other is the Anti Hero. But that doesn't make one better than the other.

Supergirl went down the path of Killing her enemy (Reign) and she suffered for it because people she loved died and she had to use time travel. It's not in her to make those hard choices. She was raised with love and positive messages and her cousin being Superman, so that's her mind set.

Lena on the other hand was raised in a hostile environment where you got rid of problems. No one was good and no one was bad it was all about power. Lena didnt have positive messages of hope and love like Kara did. Lena has had to deal with issues the Luthor way because she didn't have a superhero there to do it for her. Superman couldn't even take down Lex without Lena stepping in.

So, Lena made the hard choice and ended the threat to the world and other worlds. Personally ? I'm with her. Who wouldn't have shot Hitler? If someone had would they be considered 'evil' or having the potential to become the next Hitler? Of course not! Christ even Lillian knew Lex had gone to far and she tried to end it there and then, Killing her own child to protect the world. Lillian and Lena made hard choices but they knew they needed to be made, the super friends are lost in truth and hope and everyone deserves a million chances.

So, Lena finds out that Kara is Supergirl. She has every reason to be pissed off to the max with Kara. Enough even to never speak to her again.

You ask why she has a right to be mad? Well it all boils down to Lena being a Luthor. Lena believed that Kara Danvers befriended her because she genuinely wanted to be her friend, something Lena really needed since she didn't have any in National City. So Lena went to find Kara and invite her to things and a friendship grew. Lena even went out of her way to give Kara exclusives and exclusive access to her. She was welcomed into Kara's friendship and family circle and probably for the first time since she was 4 knew what it was like to have a family.

Now also during this time Lena met Supergirl and had no issues with her at all. She helped her, teamed up with her, respected her etc. But then you had their big fight, to Lena she only had a beef with Supergirl.

So now imagine you're Lena and you have just learned that your best friend is actually Supergirl. If I was Lena my first thought would be that Kara only agreed to be my friend because she was keeping tabs on me. A logical thought process. You've been invited into their home, they come to you looking for information, they even introduce you to their family. You think you have been welcomed and accepted when what could actually have been happening the whole time was that they just wanted you in their sights. To keep an eye on you just in case you decide to go dark. Lena could think that this was all true considering she now knows that when Supergirl was hostile towards her accusing her of essentially being bad it was Kara the entire time. Best friends dont treat each other like that secret identity or not.

Now this could have been forgiven if Kara hadn't let it go on for so long.

Lena was told in the worst possible way, she was told by Lex and even shown footage of her being consistently duped and lied to. Lena also knows that Lillian knew so she knows that Kara has kept her and only her in the dark. That's not good, that just indicates that Kara was just never going to tell her at all. A break down in trust right there.

But no matter all of the above, Lena has no reason what so ever to become evil. She has proved and shown since the second she showed up that she is on the side of good. She has shown that she wants to protect aliens, she has shown she wants to protect humans. She has fought against actual villains like Rhea and Edge. She saw her close friend deteriorate into a homicidal world killer and still wanted to save her life protecting her from the DEO and Supergirl because she didn't know what they would do to her. She has saved the world more than once. She has saved the aliens from genocide, she saved an entire city of Kryptonians from extinction. Lena even continued to fight side by side with Supergirl even when they weren't talking. Even when she and Supergirl are friends she has built her special equipment to protect her from Kryptonite.

All of that shows that Lena is a good person even when she's having a beef with Supergirl. So her finding out that Kara is supergirl only warrants Lena being pissed at Kara , never talking to her again and never trusting another person. Lena could just feel like she was being essentially baby sat and used the whole time. But it DOES NOT warrant her becoming villain. That makes no logical sense at all. They like to borrow from Smallvilles Lex and Clark? The difference there is that Lex was always power hungry and was out for just Lex, he wasnt all bad in the beginning but he did do bad and questionable things. Clark simply refused to see that Lex was bad. Kara and Lena are very different, Lena has never shown herself to be anything like Lex or power mad. Everything she does is for the benefit of others. Even the Harun El serum was supposed to be for the benefit of others.

So for Lena to become evil or the villain and give up what makes her her just because she now knows everyone's been lying is a disservice to her character. It also makes no sense at all. She would be better off just kicking them all out of there life and going it alone. She may even choose to be a hero without their interference because she has no trust in them anymore. Lena being a good person was never dependent on Kara, she was good before she eve set eyes on her.

As for her being mad at the others? Still completely justifiable. Dating James? She may start to think it was all just part of the plan to keep an eye on her. He even threw Supergirl under the bus ruining any trust Lena could have had in Supergirl. Lena now knows it was Kara using the people close to her to betray her. She also knows that James was fully aware it was Kara the whole time and whereas he was fine to drop Supergirl in it he was happy to let Lena continue to fully trust Kara while simultaneously distrusting Supergirl. All that sounds so manipulative even if it wasn't meant that way. All those opinions he had? Were they really his or were they just what the Super friends decided he needed to say, did he act following their directions? Was he planted by Superman the whole time? It's a can of worms. Lena will question everything she knows and every conversation she's has with all of them since she arrived.

The others? Well she may not be as pissed but she still has a right to be. Lena has essentially been made the fool of. Imagine being the only one out of your 'family' who doesn't know the biggest secret they have. Lena will just believe that she wasnt trusted.

Why did she not mention it and is still joining game night? Makes sense to let those deceiving you believe that they are still deceiving you. Lena doesn't know what they have or had planned or why they have lied to her, it would be illogical to make them aware when you're not sure you can even trust them. What if Jonn hacks her mind? Best to stay quiet and see how it plays out and now you have all the information when dealing with them. You finally have access to the whole picture and everyone's motivations. She may also be waiting to see if Kara will tell her.

So in conclusion, Lena has every right to be pissed at everyone and never speak to them again. But there is no viable reason for her to become a villain hell bent of destroying supergirl when she has proved since day one and even when treated poorly by Supergirl that that just isnt her game plan at all. To make her suddenly want to kill Aliens or anyone at all makes no sense and is a complete 180 in her character personality and her whole arc. To have her turn into Lex after killing Lex for being Lex? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It just makes Lex right the whole time. 

[deniigi]

concept developed after reading baby!matt in the sprawl: adventures in spider-babysitting. can you imagine the super/vigilante community/spiderverse gang + co. dealing with spiderman but small. bite-sized. little baby hands as spider-sticky as always. theres a baby on the ceiling. good god

Hi Anon.

Not quite what you asked for, but here’s some baby Pete from Tony’s POV I wrote yesterday to play with this concept. I don’t write Tony very much for many reasons, but I thought that this time, it might be pretty cute.

It cuts off kind of abruptly, but yeah. I didn’t really have the interest to finish it as a complete story. ANYWAYS

Long post under the cut (sorry mobile users!!)

“Tony,” Pepper said calmly, “I know that you want to help.But she is basically his mom.”

Yes, yes, yes.

But.

Consider this.

Small.

Pepper paused in typing and raised an eyebrow.

Tony got up in case she couldn’t see and showed her with hishands.

“Small,” he emphasized.

“Yes, he is very small,” she agreed.

“Very,” Tony told her firmly.

“And he is? Not our child?”

Yes, but again. Please consider: Small.

“So what I think I’m getting here is that you’re feelingpaternal today,” Pepper said during another pause in her typing.

Yes. Very.

“Why don’t we make a new baby robot then?” she offered himlike he was, himself, a child very studiously kicking the back of her seat in amovie theatre.

Because small.

“Tony. Peter is terrified of you right now.”

Yes, yes. But small,honey. So, so small.

“The second you touch him, he will start crying all overagain.”

Life is cruel.

“Have a seat, Tony. We will find you something small to holdin just a minute.”

Pete was always the size of a beansprout, height andwidth-wise, but at the present, he was but a bean. Sometimes, in their line ofwork, these things happen, and mostly they are unavoidable and Bruce and Dr.Cho had pronounced this particular affliction short-term and non-lethal andnone of that did anything to help the klaxons screaming in Tony’s head to gofind. And hold. The baby.

“You know, Tones, I think this might have affected you morethan him,” Bruce said, poking at him in the lab. Probably testing the frequencyat which he was fucking vibrating.

Must hold. The small.

“You stay here, Imma go get Rhodey.”

Yes, whatever, kindly fuck off unless there was a child inneed of holding in your possession.

Rhodey took one look at him and rolled his eyes and fuckedoff because he understood the highly complex workings of Tony’s mind. He cameback with a rabbit from one of the labs and stuffed it into his arms.

It was.

Unsatisfactory.

But closer.

“Tony. Peter is so scared of you right now, man,” Rhodeytold him.

Right. Yes. Logically, he knew this. But his brain would not compute. He could not make itstop fixating.

“He’s more scared of you then Barnes.”

Fucking horrible is what that was. Unfair on scales unknownto man. Peter and his smallness had,once separated from Tony, his apparent nightmare, wrapped tiny fingers aroundBarnes’s metal ones in silent fascination. Barnes was a baby-thief, however,and could not be trusted with children. They all ended up in Rogers’spossession and he was, every time, very confused. As were the police. Sam hadintervened to stop this this last time before it went to far and gave tiny,precious, baby-Pete a little toss which had banished the last of theTony-inspired upset and had resulted in giggling.

Tony had believed that what he had felt right then wasextreme jealously. He now knew this to be fact. He also knew that baby-Pete hadzero self-preservation instincts because preferred even Natasha’s company toTony’s.

It was problematic.

Everyone else got to hold baby-Pete, but not Tony. Tootraumatic.

Why.

May told him that it probably had to do with his facial hairwhich was horrifying. Like. Why. She said that this had always been a thing,but neglected to notice that half of Thor’s face was covered in fur and Sam hada moustache and goatee and there was no crying happening for those two.

“Yes, well. I guess they don’t seem very threatening,” shesaid, letting baby-Pete bury himself in her hair to hide from him.

He was so cute.

The universe was so hurtful.

Rhodey sighed and pet the rabbit while he clutched at it.

The moment of truth came when May brought Peter by for aquick check-up on Day two. Peter was very busy counting the beads on hernecklace. He was a great counter. For a toddler. That is. He was a very poorcounter by any other standard. He kept skipping the prime numbers with stunningaccuracy. No matter how many times May gently said, “One, two, three.” Healmost always started with “Fo’. Sis. Ni’.”

So cute.

So fucking cute.

Tony needed to sit down.

Rhodey told him that he was embarrassing the AvengersInitiative and he said, “I can’t fucking help it.” May got a phone call andasked Bruce if he could take her kid for a second. Bruce did, but notwillingly. Bruce didn’t deal with anything under the age of five. He could not.He didn’t understand their language or codes and he had very strong feelingsaround their breakability. So he handed Peter off to Rhodey as soon as hepossibly could. Rhodey saw Tony’s suffering and sighed.

“He’s just gonna start wailin’ Tones,” he said, bouncing thekid. Peter had become very interested in the seam of his sleeve.

Yes, yes, yes. But! But!

“I’m gonna give him to you, but you cannot, I repeat, cannotbe disappointed when he starts crying, we clear?”

Crystal.

“Alright.” Rhodey detached Peter from his shoulder andhanded him over to Tony’s hands and everything was fine. The klaxons shut offlike a switch had been flicked. Peter chewed on some fingers and looked up athim with big, liquid brown eyes. He did not scream. A good sign. He even dug afew of the fingers of the other hand into Tony’s shoulder. He was warm and softand so, so small.

After a moment, he stopped chewing and looked down to theground and cooed “Waaaay.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony asked him, adjusting him a little bit closerto his chest.

“Mm.”

Fuck.

Goddamnit.

“What’s down there?” Tony asked, looking down to see whatthe kid was staring at. The question brought Pete’s attention right back up tohis face. He blinked at Tony like he’d never seen him before. Tony practicallyfelt Rhodey brace for impact beside him.

But still. No crying.

Thank god.

“Hey, there. Welcome back,” Tony said, bouncing a bit.

Peter hummed at him again and patted gently at his face. Hislittle hands were warm and soft. Tony could die. He could die happy now. Noklaxons. No crying.

“I would kill for you,” he said mournfully. Peter leaned upand pressed their cheeks together. His was almost entirely chubby baby fat.Inconceivably soft. He was really into the rasp Tony’s own cheek made and wentto business giving himself beard burn in his enthusiasm. Tony had to pull himaway before he rubbed his face raw.

“You,” he told the boy seriously, “I would kill for you.”

Peter cocked his head like he hadn’t quite caught that. Tonyrepeated it for his edification. He accepted it with grace and went back tochewing on his fingers.

“Ah, he’s not scared of you today,” May noted when she cameback in from her phone call.

No. Praise be. He handed the child back and felt lessdesperate than before. She laughed at the visible relief on his face.

“He was pretty volatile the other day, don’t take itpersonally,” she said. “You should have seen him with Wade.”

Ahahahaha. Yeah.

Wait.

What?

Peter loved Wilson. He admired the fuck out of the guynormal-sized and was obsessed with him while fun-sized. May explained thatWilson had heard what had happened and had dropped in to make sure all wasright with their tiny family and to offer his services in the case of any bumpsin the road. He evidently had not planned on becoming Peter’s obsession.

“He’s kind of a natural,” May said, “Although, I’m not surehe’s overly comfortable with it.”

Yeah. You don’t say.

“Pete cried for nearly half an hour after he left, it waspretty surprising. He’s not much of a crier.”

You. don’t. Say.

“He’s fine, of course. Wade would never hurt him.”

No, because Tony would kill him if he did.

May took Peter’s tiny hand and had him wave to them all onthe way out, once a clean bill of health had been acquired. Pete didn’t seem tofully appreciate the gesture, but he was into the waving part and smiled widefor it, which was more than enough for Tony.

“I think I might have to murder Wilson,” he admitted toRhodey once they were gone.

“I think you’re being dramatic,” Rhodey said.

No, he was probably right.

He was definitely right.

Tony actually got to see this beautiful friendship when Maycalled him out of the blue and said that someone had bugged their house. She’dfelt a little uncomfortable as of late and so had called Wilson for aprofessional opinion and Wilson had located three bugs in the Parker residence.He was trying to do one last sweep when Tony got there to collect them. Tonysuspected it was SHIELD. He suspected this because Cap had had the same problemthe other day.

He didn’t make it a habit to go to the Parker residence andwas always taken aback by the sheer amount of foliage in the front room. Itlooked like May had pushed some of the more fragile containers to the backs ofshelves or moved them up out of the reach of tiny hands. But she needn’t beconcerned at the moment, because Peter was dead set on ruining Wilson’sbug-sweep.

He definitely thought that Wilson’s time was better used, inthat moment, in playing with him. Wilson, for his part, was just trying to dohis damn job for once. He’d take two steps and nearly trip over the kid andthen grab him and dump him on the couch, which Peter thought was the height ofexcitement. He scrambled off the couch and went to go throw himself back intoWilson’s field of vision as soon as humanly possible.

Wade, bless him, could only deal with this so much.

“Baby boy,” he said, holding Peter at eye level the thirdtime he’d done this, just in the time Tony had been there. “I am trying to do athing. You are being a very, very, verygood disrupter. The best disrupter.”

Peter decided this was high praise. When Wade tried to puthim back down on the couch this time, Peter whined and latched onto his neck.Wade gently extricated him and held his hands at his sides when he sat him downthis time.

“That’s a no,” he said firmly.

Peter made an upset hiccup.

Wade valiantly did not do what Tony would have done whichwas shatter to bits and give the kid anything he wanted.

“You stay here,” Wilson instructed. Then he let go of Pete’shands and stood up and went back to his careful sweeping.

Peter watched him for a few seconds before he got bored ofbeing in one place. He started to off the couch, but Wilson caught him in theact.

“Ah,” he said with a finger. Peter squirmed back into place.

A new game.

And Wilson knew it. He turned very slowly back to his work.Within moments, Pete was at it again.

“AH.”

Back on the cushion.

The kid practically rattled in happiness.

May hid her smile while she handed Tony the found bugs.Yeah. SHIELD grade. He sighed.

“Wilson, last time I ran into this, there was five.”

“Copy that. Here’s four.”

Huh. What do you know? Guy knew what he was doing. Tony tookthe fourth bug and inspected it for insignia. Peter made a noise of triumph.

Tony looked over and they all saw that he was proud ofhimself for having escaped the couch while Wilson had been occupied liberatingthe most recent bug. He’d latched himself to Wilson’s arm.

“Not this again,” Wade moaned.

Again?

“No sticking,” Wade threatened.

“Ya.”

“I said no.”

“Ya!”

“Aigh. If you’re fucking sticking—no, of course, you’resticking. Peter.”

Uh.

“He likes to stick to Wade’s suit,” May said evenly.

“PETER.”

Yeah, he was getting that impression.

“OFF.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Nooo!”

“Oh my god. Child. I am doing work.”

Tony very very rarely saw Wilson any kind of serious, so itwas kind of amazing to see him so put out.

“Way!”

“What?”

“Way!!”

“Volume does not equal clarity, tiny monster. What?”

Peter hunkered in, beyond happy with his work. He did notlet go of Wilson’s arm. He cuddled his forehead into Wilson’s pec and the guylegitimately took a few calming breaths.

“You,” he said slowly to the side of Peter’s head, “Are a lot.”

“Way.”

“Glad you know. Alright, fine. That’s your decision. Up wego.”

Peter, for whatever reason, was chill with latching ontoWade when he was on the ground, but as soon as there was air-time involved,this relationship broke down.

No.

He did not want to be held. Or carried. Or any of that. No.He wanted down. Immediately.

“No, no. We are making decisions today,” Wade said over thewhining. “You made that one, so you gotta live with it.”

Peter huffed and puffed and then hiccupped like he was goingto cry, but Wilson just carried on with his business, one-handed this time. Andsomehow, this ignoring process worked? Peter’s hiccupping settled down withWade’s jerky, searching movements. Peter watched his chin as he felt under ashelve blindly. He grabbed at it..

May smiled again and then turned to Tony and mouthed ‘anatural.’

Yeah, so it would seem.

Wilson found two more bugs and, once Peter had settled infor a nap and could be transferred to May’s arms without incident, completedone good last sweep and declared the home bug-free. He said that he needed totake off, he hadn’t anticipated this taking so much time. He informed May thathe’d be in touch and started to leave, but it was as if Peter had a fuckin’Wilson alert in his head. He woke up instantly. Wilson was half through thedoor when he startled just wailing. The way he had when Tony had tried to holdhim the first time.

Devastated. Devastating.

May shushed him and muffled him by tucking him into herneck. Wilson’s body spoke tons of guilt.

“He’s fine, Wade. Go ahead. Thank you for your help,” Maysaid.

Wilson nodded, hesitant. And then hurried off to whatevercrow’s nest he needed to go perch in.

Tony took the bugs back to the lab.

Peter didn’t want to play later that week, when Bruce wastrying to take his temperature. He scowled at the thermometer and hid in his aunt’sneck.

“Bad day?” Bruce asked once the child had been traumatizedto obtain the temp.

“Very,” May sighed. Tony felt bad for her. She was still asingle mom. She didn’t exactly have a whole lot of extra time or support inthis surprise toddler business. He’d offered to help, but while Pete was happyto be held by him, and by Pepper, he would not tolerate their prolongedpresence without his aunt. That was asking for tears and frustration.

May said that her husband had been a big help back whenPeter had first come to live with them. He hadn’t quite been this little, butBen, as an electrician, had had a little more flexibility in his schedule andso could do a lot of the childcare that May’s job didn’t really allow for.

It was harder without him and harder with a younger,traumatized kid who only had one relative to cling to. She mentioned offhandthat Wilson had babysat for her for a few hours that week, and that had gonefine. But she was thinking that maybe she’d ask Franklin Nelson to do it, sincehe was really good with kids this age.

And like?

Franklin Nelson? Like, the lawyer? The one who worked forHB&C? The guy who took the Jessica Jones and Punisher cases? That FranklinNelson?

“He’s a friend of our family,” May explained.

Huh.

No shit.

“Peter is very fond of his friend Matt.”

What, like. Matt Murdock, Matt? Infamous blind legalbulldog, Matt Murdock?

“That’s the one.”

Like. Okay? That was weird. Would he be alright with them?

“Oh, I’m sure of it.”

Well, if she was sure.

She asked if she could give Tony’s number to the lawyers incase something happened and she couldn’t leave work and she absolutely could dothat.

Tony heard not a peep from the lawyers the next day. Or theone after that. Franklin Nelson, he knew, was a very responsible guy. And if hewas used to little kids, then it made sense that he had the situation undercontrol.

Tony did, however, get a text from May respectfully askingif he could grab the kid and hold him for an hour or so, as her shift had beenunexpectedly prolonged.

Which was how Tony found himself in Hell’s Kitchen, underPepper’s orders to be respectful and not get shot, knocking on the closed upoffice door of Nelson, Murdock & Page.

Page, if he recalled, was the crazy reporter who picked afight with half of the hotshot murderers in the city. The Punisher. WilsonFisk. Union Allied. Gal didn’t know how to quit. He was somewhat surprisedthen, for the door to open to the lady herself with Peter securely settled on herhip.

“Go away, he’s mine,” she said. And closed the door.

Uh.

Awkward.

The door reopened to the tune of Nelson scolding hispartner. He invited Tony into the place with greater politeness. It was a hugechange from the guy’s old office at HB&C. Much tighter. Warmer. Very homey.

Karen Page had settled herself behind the secretary’s deskto bounce Peter in her lap. The kid hummed with the movement and seemed to becomforted by this.

“May said she was working late, but she didn’t have to sendyou around,” Nelson said. He himself had changed into warmer colors with themove it seemed. No more stiff blue suits for this guy. Tony could dig it.“Really, we can watch him until she’s done with work.”

“It’s fine, I’m being selfish, too,” Tony admitted offhandedly.Nelson seemed to understand this. He looked over to where Karen Page hadwrapped Pete up in her arms and was going through the ABCs with him. He mumbledalong, more or less in time.

“Kare, I’m afraid the time has come,” Nelson said withfinality.

“Noooooo.”

“Now is the time, girl. Nothing you can do.”

“Matt! Foggy is abusing me!”

“Thank you, I’ll take that.”

“Kidnapping, Matt! This man is kidnapping my ward!”

Peter went easily into Nelson’s arms and buried his fingersinto his collar. Page took it hard and slumped down in despair. Nelson cluckedat her and rolled his eyes and went to hand Peter over but two things happened.

One, Peter took the opportunity to stick to Nelson’s shirtand jacket and two, Murdock came out of his cave to investigate the aura ofdespair emitting from Page, who was evidently slowing descending to the flooras goo.

“We lose Karen?” Murdock asked in a surprisingly pleasanttone.

“That’s a yes. Peter, let go, honey.”

Ooh. Tricky. How to handle this one without revealing Peteto be Spiderkid. Tony moved forward and began to help Nelson dislodge thefingers. They did not come willingly and as soon as one hand was removed, Petermade an unhappy grunt and dug the other one in deeper.

“C’mon, kiddo,” Tony encouraged. No dice.

Murdock raised an eyebrow their way and then busied himselfcurling over the desk to tap at Page. Possibly to revive her. Who knew?

“Matty, can you come here?” Nelson finally asked when bothhis and Tony’s attempts had run their course. Pete wasn’t budging and he’dhidden his face in Nelson’s neck to prove it. Murdock lifted himself up frombehind the desk as if to say, ‘who? Me?”

“Matt.”

“Alright, alright.”

Wow, so begrudging.

Murdock kept a hand out when he moved forward without astick or anything to help him, and found Nelson’s shoulder without muchtrouble. He then, somewhat playfully, felt around until he was dancing fingersacross Peter’s face. The kid giggled.

“Who’s this?” Murdock asked.

More giggling.

“Well, certainly doesn’t seem like Foggy. Not grumpy enough.”

Nelson gave him a flat look that he couldn’t see, but musthave been able to somehow feel. Murdock had perfectly straight teeth. It waskind of eerie.

He trailed his hand a little further along until he wastickling Peter’s neck and, in his moment of weakness, swept the kid right offof Foggy’s shoulder. Like some kind of ninja. It happened so fast that Tonyalmost missed it entirely. Like.

How the fuck did he do that? Could he figure out wherePeter’s arms were just by sound?

Dude. He needed to look into how blind people experiencedthe world. That shit was incredible.

“Thank you,” Nelson sighed. Murdock tucked the kid into hisown neck. Nelson stiffened. “Matt. Matty. What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” He spun around and headed back towards hisoffice.

Oh.

Tony got it now.

“Matthew. Bring him back.”

“What? Can’t see you, Fogs. Can you speak a little louder?”

Nelson’s irritation, which Tony had seen go as high as afour out of ten, ratcheted up to a six in no time at all.

“You two are insufferable,” he said.

“WHAT?”

“WHAT, FOGGY?” Page echoed from the floor.

Nelson very clearly had strong feelings about his partnerswhich he was actively repressing to save face in front of Tony.

“I am so sorry. Give me five minutes,” he said and then leftTony standing in the waiting room while he went into Murdock’s office andclosed the door behind him. Two minutes passed in silence, then Page sniffedand picked herself up off the floor, collected her shit from her own office andheaded out. She resolutely called Tony a pig before she closed the door behindher, which was, in retrospect, understandable.

He didn’t know which part of his being in specific hadoffended her, but he was used to this treatment.

Nelson remerged around the three minute mark with a verygrumpy Peter once again in his arms, although this time, less interested inclinging to him. Apparently, he didn’t want to be separated from Murdock. Thiswas conveyed by the whining and grabby hands over Nelson’s shoulder.

Nelson handed him off to Tony without a struggle this time.Peter huffed up at him and pointedly looked back towards Murdock, now skulkingirritably in his office entrance. Defeated, but only for now.

Right.

Tony wasn’t sticking around for that battle. He thankedNelson and made a hasty retreat.

Peter wailed half of the way back to the tower. Didn’t likethe car seat. Didn’t like the car. Didn’t like Tony at the minute either.

Ah, well. T’was the toddler life, wasn’t it?

[therearemorethanfivenights]

Chapter 10 is up!

Getting back to the writing.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11674818/chapters/37276622

Or alternatively, read it under the cut -

"Now that we're alone, you wanna do adult things? Like taxes? Or scrabble?" Vincent asked. The parts and service room was colder than anywhere else. The only warmth came from a small heater they'd borrowed from Dawn's room. "Oh, how romantic, I thought you'd never ask" Mangle replied, giggling. The two of them were already aware that this is all they'd be talking about for a long time and were aware of how irritating they were going to be too. 

"Ok, but for the next few weeks, I'm not calling you anything except 'girlfriend'. Oh, and sighing constantly. When they ask if I'm sad, boom, I'm just thinking of you. We are driving these people crazy." He snickered at the thought. This was mostly just revenge for all the teasing. And of course, Mike acted in the same way about Amy, pulling her around like a new puppy. Everyone could tell even Mike and Amy were sick of themselves, but they'd kept going for the sake of annoyance. 

"Likewise, 'girlfriend'." Mangle teased, "Maybe we could do something productive. Like... clean this place up? It's kind of a mess..." She looked at all the various computer chips, nuts, bolts and tools spread across the floor, coupled with the large mound of bottles of beer and whiskey she'd collected over time. "Could always turn the trash into useful stuff. If we cleaned the bottles we could use them as decorations. Put little lights in them and stuff." Vincent said picking the little bits and bobs off the floor.

Meanwhile, Mike and Amy had headed over to the office. "Think we can snoop on Jeremy's internet history?" Amy asked, a smile forming on her face. Mike ignored her. He'd always been fond of mystery stories and cop shows. Finally, he was living in one, and he had a lead to follow. "Amy... be honest with me here... do you think I'm crazy for thinking that... maybe William didn't take suicide?" He asked her. She looked at the screen, waiting for the pages to load. 

"I know it sounds stupid, but maybe he faked his death to get off the grid? The one who found him was Henry, and he announced it to the public. No service, nothing. Nobody except Henry's family could say whether he was alive or dead... what if he's the killer? Revenge?" He busily began taking mental notes of all the details of the event. Nobody, of course, could prove him wrong or right, but it was better to have a semi-crazy theory than nothing, he thought. Amy thought about this. 

"It's possible. But Will sounded like a nice enough guy. I mean look at what the internet says. 'Described by company founder Henry Ross as a quiet and humorous individual. He was known by few, yet was more loved than any other employee, and will surely be missed." Doesn't sound like a psychopath, does it?" She said, highlighting the text to read it better. Mike didn't want to dismiss his idea, however. "Sociopath Amy, sociopath. It's unlikely he'd been crazy before. And all the stuff he'd been through... no man can deal with that much pain. Either he snaps and does something awful, or maybe, maybe he does some amazing heroic shit like start a charity or something to make themselves feel better."

“So what, you think the dead guy is behind all this?” She peered at the articles on the screen. “Well… I did some digging and… Michael… he isn’t actually…” Mike was struggling to form a sentence. He almost didn’t believe it himself. “Michael Afton is alive.” He said finally. He turned to his girlfriend as slowly as he could, hoping she would believe him. She just kept reading. “Uh… anyway…” He trailed off. Amy frowned. “But doesn’t that just put more holes in your theory?” She leaned back on the desk. This seemed logical. If Michael was indeed alive, and so was his father, then surely killing would be unnecessary. The dad could just get his son back, problem solved, right? 

“You’d think. Except that the only evidence about him being still in the hospital, ergo the only evidence for him being alive was a small blog piece someone wrote. Apparently, this dude is super invested in the franchise, he’s kept tabs on this kid from day one.” Mike shuddered. “So he posted something months ago about the kid possibly not making it anymore. As in: just before the first murder. If William is responsible, maybe he read that post.”

“That’s not that dumb now that I think about it. Still pretty crazy how they kept this kid in a coma for ten years,” Amy gave him a small congratulatory pat on the shoulder. “See? Even if it’s not Will, we might at least have a motive for whoever it is. Who knows? They might be doing it involuntarily.” He said triumphantly. “Wait, what do you mean by that? Involuntarily?” Mike quickly searched up more articles. 

“See like you remember how your dad was in the army? How he had PTSD for the longest time so if he heard something that sounded like gunfire he’d just drop for cover? No matter what was going on? Same thing. Just way more messed up. If the murderer was exacting revenge on the kids responsible for ‘killing’ that kid, he’ll be basically hardwired to react in the same way if he hears anything is threatening his life again.”

“So this guy just goes out and murders six kids again? Seems a little extreme.” Amy said. She thought about the way her dad had acted during the Fourth of July. “So that’s why it’s gotta be the dad, right? Nobody else would like that kid enough to murder other kids in his honor.” Mike nodded. It all made sense in theory. Unfortunately, neither of them knew a thing about tracking down dead people.

“Did it hurt?” BB was still sat by Marie, waving his hand through her body. He just had to be sure ghosts could really walk through walls. Toy Bonnie yanked his hair. “Oh my god, B, you can’t just ask people that!” He folded his arms and scowled at him. In truth, he also wanted to know, since robots never experienced anything like death. “BB, please get your grabbers out of my chest, it’s weird. Yes. It hurt a lot.” Marie grabbed BB’s arm and removed it from her insides. “How’d they do it?” He continued, rubbing his head from where T-Bone had hurt him. Marie sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She said, closing her eyes.

It was cold and dark. She felt it, burning, stinging, biting… it hurt and it hurt bad. Her knees wobbled. In front of her lay her baby brother. Little Alex Sanderson. Poor Alex. She took a step towards him.

“You can’t.”

She felt her knees crumble below her. She coughed as her lungs filled with blood. Another step.

“You can’t”

She collapsed in front of him. He was beaten and bruised, dead. Hours had passed, he had gone stiff. She took his hand.

“You can’t”

She knew she was dying. She knew from the moment she felt the rush of pain. She lay Alex on his side. She cried. She coughed. She felt something slide from her back. A large kitchen knife. “You can’t”

She took Alex’s hand and clutched her doll tight. She lay by him and waited for the pain to die away. Footsteps. They got closer. Paws, white and pink. They screamed but she couldn’t hear them. They tried to wake her but she was dreaming. Then they collapsed. They were dragged away. She closed her eyes.

“Marie? Hey! Puppet! Hey, wake up!” She jolted awake. “Marie dear, are you ok?” It was Chica’s voice. “What… Chi… Wha?” She was confused. She was lying in the middle of the dining hall floor. “Whoa now, easy, get up slowly.” Freddy. He had his hand behind her head. She looked at herself. Long spindly limbs, suit, buttons, she was in her body again. “What… what did you see?” She asked the huddle. 

She didn’t know how she got there, in the room, in her body. “I don’t think that matters.” She looked up to see Vincent. “Are you ok? He knelt to be at eye-level with her. She tried to sit up. “Ugh… no.” She murmured. “Where are BB and T-Bone? I think I’d like a nice polite word with them.” She growled. From behind the crowd, she heard whimpers. “Please Marie, don’t blame them. You passed out; they just wanted you to be safe.” Chica said. She had armfuls of what appeared to be rescue supplies: Food, water, a blanket, some painkillers from Dawns room and a box of daily hay fever pills. “What’s all that for?” The puppet asked, pointing at the items. Chica placed them in her lap. “I… didn’t know what to grab…” She said, watching her supplies tumble onto the floor.

“I’m going back to my box now.” The group began to whisper. Vincent grabbed her arm. “No, you’re not.” He said, pushing her back down. Chica sighed and grabbed the boxes and bottles. Marie grumbled. She seemed much bigger, trying her best to intimidate her friends into releasing her. “Oh? And who are you to try and stop me?” She hissed. But Vincent’s grip remained firm. “Your best friend, that’s who. I get that you’re stressed but this isn’t going to help. Don’t bottle all this up, we’re your family.” He sat down. 

Everyone slowly followed suit. It was rare that Marie looked anyone in the eyes, and now all eyes were on her. She lay back down again and held Freddy’s arm as it followed her head down. “I… I just want to sleep.” She said. She stared at the lights above her before closing her eyes once more.

“So this is the big secret you’ve both been keeping?” Attention had turned to Vincent. He let go of Marie’s arm. “Yes. Her name is Marie-Rose, a victim of our killer and a witness to… the bite,” he said, “and I figured that maybe letting her be might jog her memory faster than stressing her out.” Dawn and Mangle looked at each other and nodded before heading to parts and service. BB and Toy Bonnie had already scurried off to pirate’s cove and were hiding with Foxy, who wanted nothing to do with it. Toy Freddy sat at a nearby table. “Why though? Why keep it from us? It’s your job, we wouldn’t have intruded if you’d just told us why she-“ “Because she’s scared.” Vincent cut him off. “She trusts me.” “And why is that? What makes you so special?” Toy Freddy continued. Vincent took a deep breath.

“Marie came in almost every weekend. She hated everything. She wrecked stuff, got into trouble, anything she could think of to tear her parent’s eyes away from her brother. Alex. They stopped caring about her the minute he was born. During weekends and holidays, she’d hang out by the puppet box, pouring her secrets into it. Her anger, her fear, everything. The kind of stuff you’d scream into the abyss. Eventually, her parents found out where she was going and forced her to take Alex. Her space was gone. So I went and talked to her. I let her vent. She shared the kinda troubles you’d never expect a girl her age to have. I think it was… maybe a year in? She sent me presents on my birthday, started treating Alex so much better and to top it off every other time we spoke she called me ‘dad’ by mistake.”

Finally, Vincent slumped forward, a weight off his shoulders. He looked exhausted. “Were you?” Toychi asked. “Like, that’s… actually so sweet.” She smiled. Vincent sometimes was like a father to everyone around him, but Marie was the most obvious. He looked at the puppet. “Yeah, I guess I was.” 

He thought about that. Marie’s father, from what he could understand, was always too busy trying to calm her mother down or looking after Alex. She never called him dad once. So despite his better judgment, and the mere 10 years between them, he’d accepted his fate. “Made me feel old though.” He added, chuckling. Marie smiled. “You’ve been awake the whole time, haven’t you?” He sighed. She grinned. “You’re grounded.”

[tailahjanbash]

What I Learned About Being a Whole When I Was a Half

I fell in love once. It was a time of raging teenage hormones and an unrealistic view of love due to my Taylor Swift obsession. It was the ultimate pining-for-your-bestfriend-80’s film-love that would ensure disaster on my naïve heart.

Looking back now, it was like a John Hughes movie on repeat—but every time you thought the happy ending was coming, I just kept getting my heart broken over, and over, and over... you get the idea.

Eventually the movie ended. After it was all said and done, I remember crying on the bathroom floor, wondering if the pain would ever leave. I remember praying every night that God would just make it easier. That I would wake up the next morning and feel just a tiny bit less than what I felt the night before. Am I resonating with any romantics here?

Well, it’s been a few years since then, and those wounds have healed—but I’ll never forget the priceless lessons I learned throughout the healing process.

Today I want to share with you some of the things I learned about being a whole when I was a half.

1. I believed the lie.

I believed the lie that I would never find love or connect to another person as much as I did when I fell in love. I fueled this fear with what I thought was “logic” and “reasoning”, but in reality, I was just letting fear bully me.

That was the furthest thing from the truth. It doesn’t align with God’s promises or nature.

2. There’s a natural way to deal with heartbreak, and there’s a supernatural way.

The truth is, when you find the person that’s right for you, it will make complete sense why it never worked with anyone else before.

When glass breaks, it’s natural to pick up the larger shards first in order to clean up the mess. The bigger pieces are easier to identify, pick up, and throw away. Breakups kind of happen the same way. Once everything has fallen apart, it’s easy to spot the big issues, like bad communication or dishonesty. But after those big pieces have been cleaned up, we are still left with the small shards; the ones that are not always visible that contribute to the brokenness.

The smaller pieces take longer to clean up. They require precision, careful attention, caution, and accuracy.

Anyone with decent eye sight can spot large pieces of glass. Meaning—it’s common knowledge that cheating is wrong, ghosting is immature, and lack of communication is the kiss of death. Even Cosmo can give you sound advice on this.

Then we get to the shards.

This is where the world gets the healing process totally wrong.

The sin, behaviors, and emotions underneath the surface that aren’t so easy to spot— those contribute to our broken condition.

Let me put this into an example: A lot of people think that getting into a new relationship will help you forget about your old one.

This is using another person to distract you from your pain and emptiness. Not only is this unfair to the person you are dragging along with you, but you can’t heal properly this way. You need to face your demons instead carrying them into your next relationship!

That rejection, fear of vulnerability, anger, loneliness, sorrow, depression, bitterness, resentment, pain, and allll the other negative emotions that accompany heartbreak— are the shards.

A playlist, going out with friends, a new bae, drinking until you forget, and all the other remedies that the world gives you… they don’t work.

The good news is, God is dying to heal you. (Quite literally)

He can’t wait for the night you put down the bottle or turn off of the T.V., whatever the distraction is, and turn to Him for the healing.

God doesn’t leave us alone in our fragmented state and expect perfection. In fact, He promises to get down in the mess and brokenness with us to find the solution and piece us together into a new and beautiful creation.

That’s exactly what He did for me. And I know He can do it for you.

3. You’ve gotta catch the foxes

“You must catch the troubling foxes, those sly little foxes that hinder our relationship. For they raid our budding vineyard of love, to ruin what I’ve planted within you. Will you catch them and remove them for me? We will do it together.” Song of Songs 2:15

When I read this scripture, the Lord made it very clear that my foxes at the time were guys and relationships.

The bible says that satan prowls around like a lion, looking for whomever he may devour. So, it should come as no surprise that he sends distractions and uses people and/or demonic principalities to keep us from effectively serving God.

I noticed that whenever I was minding my own business, crushing my school work, and super close to God… some gorgeous boy would pop out of nowhere and ask me out. I didn’t catch on at first. I was giddy and couldn’t wait to go out.

Okay so, what happens when you start talking to someone? Your brain goes from paying attention in class to planning the next date. Your hangouts take precedence over bible study and your mind and heart become filled with this person.

Eventually I would learn that these guys were great people, but simply not meant for me. And then I would remember the instructions God gave me and immediately want to slap myself in the face. How much time and energy did I invest in something that I could have avoided had I been obedient? I could have put that time into improving my grades or making new friends.

Maybe your foxes are ungodly friendships, being overly invested in a sport or celebrity, or a sin you always find yourself going back to.

A good indicator of your hearts priorities is seeing where you spend most of your time and money. Anything that takes precedence over God is not only a fox, but an idol.

I find it interesting that the word of God uses foxes to illustrate this picture. Foxes are sly and sneaky. They operate in darkness and in shadows, and they rob you of your crop. Spiritual foxes do the same.

They rob you of spiritual growth. The more time you spend binge-watching Netflix, the less time you have to read your bible and pray. Whatever you sow, you will reap. If you are sowing unproductivity—meaning putting your time towards sleeping, laying around, and watching tv, you are going to yield a crop of laziness, procrastination, and slothfulness. The fruit of your life will be marked by these negative characteristics.

I believe there are things God wants to continue to plant and grow in you and the beautiful thing, is that he says he will catch the foxes with us—we’re not on our own in the battle against sin and temptation. The Spirit of God helps us identify our foxes and gives us the strength to catch and kill those bad habits.

4. If you can make it past the first few months, you’re in the clear.

Just like breaking any habit, it’s going to be really difficult at first. Especially if you have never truly been on your own (romantically) like I had.

Relationships are wonderful—you have someone doting over you, laughing at your terrible jokes, and telling you how beautiful you are. But pull the rug out from under the relationship and you’re left with two seriously insecure people.

It’s human psychology—you’re used to receiving love and attention, so now that it is gone, you must fill that void with affirmation.

*downloads tinder*

Just kidding.

I wanted to break that habit because it never worked; I was never truly healed. Seeking male affirmation never satisfied my heart, soul, and spirit. I realized I needed to fill that void with God’s love instead of attention from guys.

And ladies, once I made that decision, I was unstoppable.

First, I had to set barriers for myself. I literally stopped everything related to relationships cold turkey... I was serious about getting the full and complete healing I needed!

I did not allow myself to go on dates, text guys that I liked, and on nights when I was particularly sad, I would turn everything off (tv, phone, laptop) and spend time with God.

Eventually, it got easier. Once the Holy Spirit started filling the holes in my heart, they actually began healing effective immediately. Getting over heartbreak became a million times easier because I wasn’t trying to duct tape DIY my heart back together. I was giving it back to the one who created it. It’s funny…we so easily forget that the master designer of our heart knows exactly how to heal it.

Looking back, I can’t believe how much of my heart was not only divided but broken. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. God had to stop me in the middle of a rebound relationship, arrest my heart, and give me these step-by-step instructions like you would an unruly toddler.

My encouragement today, is don’t be hard-headed like I was. Don’t let your heart get so tangled up in its own will and desires that it forgets God’s.

And finally, I’m not selling you a foolproof step-by-step guide on how to get over someone. Your story and your heartbreak are different than mine. But I do know heartbroken people, more than anything, want to feel like they aren’t alone. That someone understands them. To that I say, “Have you considered the one who planned this long ago?” Isaiah 22:11

For more blogs and content check out my website!

http://www.thechosengirl.info/

[emblem-333]

What-If Verne Gagne Made Hulk Hogan Champion?

The Era of The Territories died before I was born. There’s pros and cons to their execution. Up until Vince McMahon gobbled up the industry like Pac-Man devouring dots there were multiple regional territories with their own established stars. The Carolinas has Ric Flair. Tennessee has Jerry “The King” Lawler. Texas featured the Von Erichs. They would run their respective territories, sometimes wander beyond and do inter-promotional programs typically ending in disqualifications to save face. Back in those days, before television really changed the landscape, promoters could getaway with jerking around their fans with constant indecisive finishes. Chances are the people who paid the ticket price to see the action were the only ones who are ever going to see it.

Ever heard of “The Dusty Finish,” well get a load of what Verne Gagne of the American Wrestling Association put his customers through in the early eighties. Gift wrapped Hulk Hogan after Vince Sr canned the star for appearing in the film “Rocky III” Verne took the young Hogan under his wing teaching him almost all of what would make him the monolith he’d become. Gagne told Hogan to not drop down after one drop kick. Telling him it should take three or more to take him off his legs. Gagne molded Hogan into a monster in the ring. Initially, Hulk was supposed to be a featured heel like during his days in the WWF. But his charisma compounded by his cameo in “Rocky III” endeared him to fans of the Minneapolis based wrestling promotion. And in a few short months Hogan found himself in the title picture feuding with the long toothed, well read heel Nick Bockwinkel.

Bockwinkel had entered his fifties earlier in the 1980s, but you couldn’t have guessed his age if you only watched him in the ring. He always kept himself in tip-top shape, didn’t party all night like Ric Flair. He was a clean cut, midwestern man who Verne still entrusted to safeguard his companies most prized possession even late into his career. Bockwinkel before Hogan and after had great matches I highly recommend you check out. Preferably his one-hour marathon against a young, babyface, Curt Hennig. Yeah. Mr. Perfect was once in the AWA. So was “Mean Gene” Okerlund. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Scott Hall. Wendi Richter. Jesse Venture. All would become heavily featured players in the WWF/WCW when NWA fizzled.

Though Hogan was the star, and his current champ Bockwinkel was nearing fifty, Verne was hesitant - and later would outright say he didn’t see the 29-year-old as championship material or a prop he didn’t even need. Either Verne is lying or he poorly read the changing wrestling with the invention of television. The era of the babyface chasing the dastardly heel forever and ever was over. Promoters needed to shift towards more decisive finishes and book accordingly or face the same consequences Verne swallowed which squashed his once flourishing company. It’s quite the tragedy too. Verne knew his wrestling and could spot talent. Same could be said about Dusty Rhodes. At the end of the day what carries you over in a wrestling war isn’t talent, but business-savvy.

In his better days, McMahon knew sometimes it was better to go with what the fans wanted rather than persist with what he thought was right. He pulled the shoot on The Ultimate Warrior, ultimately giving way to the rise of Bret Hart, and Shawn Michaels. He later would do the same in the late-90s with “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Neither were Vince’s cup of tea in what he perceived as championship material, but what mattered to him most was the all mighty dollar. But old Verne wasn’t as flexible and never really was. Come April 1983 he knew the long-standing Hogan/Bockwinkel had run its course and it was time to bestow the honor of champion to the younger star. Problem was, Verne couldn’t see beyond Hulk was a power wrestler, not too big on finesse and mat-style which was the makeup of the AWA. There’s also elements in this story that make Verne come off as a shitty, grubby businessman, and a downright creep. First, he demanded the bulk of Hogan’s merchandising sales (Hogan was printing his “Hulkamania” shirts and selling them outside of a trunk during House Shows) and his money he made wrestling for Japan; even though Verne had nothing to do with that promotion.

Actually, there might be some logic in Verne wanting a substantial cut in the money Hogan made overseas. See, he wrestled for a promotion called New Japan Pro-Wrestling. Verne had a partnership with a man named Shohei Baba — he would wrestle under the synonym “Giant Baba.” Baba worked as a promoter of All Japan Pro-Wrestling. The chief competitor of NJPW. Verne probably figured if he could squeeze Hogan for his NJPW paycheck he’d kick it to Giant Baba and subsequently AJPW and undercut the other promotion in the process.

The logic in Verne wanting the money though is nonexistent. Like McMahon when The Rock left the WWF to takeover Hollywood, he saw it fit to demand a chunk of his talent’s paycheck. Why? Because Vince McMahon made The Rock. Everyone knows that! Except he didn’t. The Rock made The Rock. In the wrestling world it doesn’t matter whether the boss acknowledged your existence before you made it big. All that mattered was he signed you to your deal and deserves the credit for those long hours you put in to climbing the ladder. Forget the fact that if it were up to Vince The Rock would have never turned heel, join The Nation of Domination and save his fledgling career.

I guess Verne can feel a little more secure in his belief he made Hogan into what he became. After all, he did instill the in-ring tactics that would carry him to superstardom. Regardless, the money Hogan made working NJPW was his, and it wasn’t like the AWA wasn’t doing gangbusters at House Shows and well in the black thanks to him.

The creepy aspect of this story was Verne was trying to set Hogan up with his daughter. Why? Well, he viewed the AWA as a family business and for whatever reason he didn’t trust his son, Greg, to succeed him so to keep the promotion in the family he wanted his champion to marry into it. You don’t believe me? In 1988 Larry Zbyszko marries Verne’s daughter. In February of ‘89 he wins the vacant AWA title in a Battle Royal.

It’s dysfunction like this is how you get an atmosphere like the one in the St. Paul Civic Center, the crowd absolutely becomes unglued as “Eye of the Tiger” roars through the speakers as the beach blonde haired heroine marches down the isle filled with purpose. He wears a black shirt that says “We Want The Belt” and on the back “Now Or Never.” You don’t get more prophetic than that last statement. Now or Never, Verne, and he chose Never. Hogan didn’t win the strap that night in St. Paul, and would soon leave the AWA. While the promotion enjoyed a few successful years before going defunct in 1991, you can trace their fall to “Super Clash” nine-years before.

So what-if Verne wasn’t a character out of a Leon Trotsky Socialist manifesto novel? What-if he just let Hogan keep his money and gave him the belt? Would the AWA still be around today? Hard to say, but I’m going to veer on the side of no. Hogan parading around with the AWA strap isn’t going to deter Vince from courting Hogan. We’re talking about the man who tried to convince Harley Race to no-show Starrcade ‘83 and take the NWA belt to his promotion.

One of the few ways Verne and the territories could have kept the bad wolf of New York from their doors was if they handed together to take him on. But nobody took the threat seriously until it was too late to sufficiently combat it. Another scenario is Ted Turner up and buys AWA with the NWA to form WCW. Having Turner on the wrestling scene against Vince was like Godzilla vs Mothra. WCW only started turning rotten when the Time Warner/AOL merger pushed Turner out of an influential role with the company. A more feasible scenario is Verne and Greg simply accept Vince’s offer he made at the St. Paul airport before turning around and exclaiming “I don’t negotiate”. But, if they did merge with the WWF the fate of the AWA is probably similar to Stu Hart and his Stampede Wrestling promotion. Their talent pool would be severely depleted and the promotion transforming from something that is on par — if not superior to the WWF to nothing more than a minor league farm system for New York to routinely pluck talent from.

If Hulk Hogan of all people suddenly become the most loyal person in the business and remained a stalwart of the AWA he arguably has a greater cast of heels to run through than he did in his first run as champion in the WWF. Stan Hansen, Leon White (A.K.A Vader), Larry Zbyszko, Curt Hennig, Jerry Lawler. While it’s highly questionable whether Hansen and Lawler would be willing to job to Hogan because of their value to other promotions, their feuds still print money at the gates and perhaps fans are just so happy to see Hogan as champion they don’t mind the constant string of D.Q finishes.

What does McMahon do? Rumor was his second choice was Paul Orndorff. A very good, if not great heel wrestler that is commonly forgotten due to the fact he jobbed to Hogan throughout the eighties. But Vince is more creative than that. He had to have an ace up his sleeve of Hogan alluded his grasps. Ric Flair? The Von Erichs? Maybe he pulls the trigger and makes Roddy Piper or Ricky Steamboat champion? Steamboat was only 31 by the time Iron Sheik beat Bob Backlund for the belt to set the table for Hogan. But Vince didn’t like skinny, short guys as his main champion. It’s why you see wrestlers like Daniel Bryan constantly marginalized despite showing time after time he can main event.

The AWA gave the wrestling world countless stars that would make this article too long if I were to list them all. But, like most promoters in the territory era, Verne had a limited grasp on how to maximize his profits and couldn’t see behind his own biases and greed.

[freddiefcknmercury]

You really think I didn’t know? pt.3

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Black Reader/ Enby Reader

Word count: 1.9k+

Warnings/disclaimer: Angst; cursing;

A/N: This is the last part until A4. Unless I get a request for these characters again.

Summary: Steve is leaving to try and fix the universe. You're not prepared for it yet.

As always be nice to me I'm delicate

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

It's weird to watch him scatter around like this. Frantic. Like when you're packing for a big trip and don't want to forget the cord to your phone. Initially you wanted to help him prepare but now you're just sitting on the couch trying to stay out of his way while he goes over whatever mental checklist he's working through. 

You used to trip over each other all the time in the beginning; both too polite and just trying to give the other their own space. Accidentally smacking into him was like running into the side of a mountain at full speed. It stung like hell over your whole body, plus you can't deal with the incessant apologising. Now, though, if you didn't brush against each other at least 20 times a day did you really even see him at all? He'd never admit it if you were to ask him, but he's obviously trying to avoid eye contact. Can't blame him. 

Maybe if he doesn't look at you it won't hurt as much when he finally leaves. It's weird thinking this could be the last time you see him. You just got him. The two of you just got this close. How much is this going to hurt later? It's almost weirder thinking he'll be right back. He's still going to be Captain America and you're demanding he pay rent.

He starts scanning the room for something. You know exactly what it is, he does it a lot for a super soldier. He must've let his mind get clouded. Feeling pockets. Visibly retracing steps. It's taking longer than you thought it would this time.

"Phone is on the counter by the coffee pot." He breezes over and sure enough there it is, plugged into the wall charging. He took a long look down at the counter before finally finding the courage to look at you for the first time in the last 30 minutes. 

"Thanks." There's something more he wants to say; it's all over his face, but it's nothing you need to hear yet. He starts scattering again. After a while he slows down. There's an ever so brief glance in your direction then he dips in the closet, under the safe, and beneath a lose floor board. There's a crevice you didn't know was there until he lifts it and pulls out a small gym bag. Quickly ducking into his bedroom with it.

His door is directly across from yours. It's always closed though. Sometimes you'd stare at it in your mirror trying to think of reasons to knock just to have an excuse to look at him. You've only been in there once, just to deliver some mail, and it almost broke your heart. Dozens of beautiful and silly drawings strewn accross his desk and a sketch pad on his night stand. You thought about buying him some nice pencils for Christmas. They could almost distract you from just how empty and cold the rest of the room is. Aside from a bed and a record player there's almost nothing homey about it at all. There's just enough of something to make it comfortable, liveable, but not enough to miss it if he suddenly needed to leave. Like now.

You hear his door open and see the light switch off. He hasn't moved from the door frame yet though. Is he scared? Steve Rogers is scared... of you? He takes small light steps back into the front room. He's changed into his "uniform." That must've been what was in the bag. The stars are torn off his chest and the red has turned almost black, but it's unmistakable. There's something imposing, almost mean about it though. When you thought of Captain America before, all that comes to mind are explosions of rich bright colors and "freedom." But now, with this... this just feels hurt.

You have no idea how the expression on your face reads but it makes him shift uncomfortably. 

"I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see..." he trails off running a hand through dark golden locs and rubbing the back of his neck. Hes annoyed; upset that he has to show you this, that you had to see him like this. It's sad but, he looks good. "Joseph" was sweet and quiet. He reminded you of a flannel blanket you might keep on the back of the couch. Always there, warm and comforting. Not that you didn't think Joseph couldn't defend either of you if he needed to, he's huge and can handle himself. Steve, though, Steve looks like he could kick some real ass. 

"I've seen Cap before." You're trying to reassure him but you're not convinced that's how it came out. The two of you stare in each other's general direction for almost too long before he gets a sudden realisation and dips back into his bedroom. He comes out and drops a different duffel bag at your feet. It slams into the floor with a heavy thud. He gestures towards it, face serious.

"For you. Just in case." You uncross your legs slowly and bend to pull the zipper on the bag. Money. There's at least 100K in here. You're kind of horrified and still just a bit confused when you look up to read him. "Just in case." He repeats, voice a husky whisper.

I don't come back.  That's what he wants to say. At least that's what the rest of that sentence really is anyway. What you both know he means. This is for you to pay rent and eat just in case I don't come back. You don't want to take it but he's not gonna let you decline. He doesn't want his trying to be a hero inadvertently kill you.

“And you only bought four cartons of ice cream?" He drops his head, a shy smile on his face. He carries the bag into your bedroom, you asume he has a hiding place in there too."I suppose you're all set then." You get up and meet him half way accross the room smoothing your hands down into your back pockets.

"Just about." His jaw is clenched. This is hurting him too, you can see it now. "...Is it weird?"

"Which part?" He finally meets your gaze. His eyes are watery. It looks like he's almost ready to cry, that makes your throat dry up.

"Having a superhero in your living room." He wants to lighten the mood, try to find some humour. He's witty when he wants to be, it's a lot of why you like him. 

You shrug, "No, no not really." He cocks an eyebrow at you with the tiniest of smirks. You gesture vaguely at the front door, nodding. "Y'know... Ironman was just here so. It's lit."  He laughs. It's soft and and short but he laughs. A real laugh with a real smile flashing all those pearly whites for the first time since dinner. He steps forward and presses his forehead against yours, nuzzling into you gently. You can feel his large steady breaths."If you die I'm gonna be really pissed." 

"Mmm." He presses a kiss against your forehead while slowly sliding his hands up the back of your neck into the thick of your hair, gently massaging your scalp with the pads of his fingers. All those nights of natural hair gurus turned up too loud in the bathroom finally paid off something, even if you still have zero definition. You press into his chest gently; suggesting him backwards, leading him towards his bedroom door. You wonder if you could get into his pants again. He'd probably let you. You've kept him this long already right? Then you'd just end up missing him more and you're already on the edge of a breakdown.

"Lay with me. Until I fall sleep." You're not asking and to be honest it's the least he can do. He reaches behind himself to open it. He's cleaned up everything already, not that there was much to do. It's just as cold as you thought it would be. No drawings. No music. Just a place some guy used to sleep. You crawl into bed and he pulls you into him. Just as warm as always, but this uniform is uncomfortable as fuck. It smells like metal, smoke, and a list of places you've never been. There's a buckle slightly digging into your shoulder but you can't care. This is exactly where you want to be even if it only lasts another hour. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A car alarm just up the street wakes you up. You roll onto your side to look at the clock on the night stand: 9:53. You immediately feel the hole. He's long gone by now. No chasing after him. You're trying to decide if he really is just incredibly stealthy or if your body decided that last night would be the first time in months you'd sleep heavy and undisturbed. You could cry, that's the next logical step, but there's something just under your skin telling you not to. At least not yet. You get up to make breakfast when you notice the card taped to the back of the door. You grab it but stare blankly into the void. Sitting at his desk flipping it back and forth between your hands for a good 10 minutes. You almost don't read it. You can't be told goodbye, it wouldn't be fair. It's a shitty Steve move he'd try and pull though. There's some crumpled pieces of paper in the waste basket. He tried writing this a few times. Do not fucking cry. You don't know if it's courage or fear that finally made you open it.

Don't let me hurt you. 

Know when to run. 

Eat ice cream every day. 

Please pet the cats.

There's a huge knot of stress forming on the back of your neck but you're not gonna cry. That wasn't so bad. You hate to admit it and you never would, but that note will probably go with you everywhere. Just until he gets back. Your stomach starts talking to you, sleeping in and stressing out aren't great for running on empty. Walking into the kitchen you get stopped short. That sentimental asshole left you two gifts. What was probably a nice warm homemade breakfast of pancakes, that is now cold. And a t-shirt, folded and placed neatly on the counter right under your phone. Right where you can see it. All it says is "Brooklyn." You think it's new, you've never seen him wear it at least. You can smell him as soon as you pick it up. Jerk. It's like he soaked it in Steve before he left. You thought maybe you could hold back the tears another few days, a week if you really really wanted to. You lasted 20 minutes.You preheat the oven to warm your pancakes and slip his shirt-your shirt-over your head. Plopping yourself up on the counter. You just let the tears roll down your face. Why fight it? No whining. No sobbing. Just tears as you replay the events from the last day over in your mind. Wishing you gave into every impulse "just in case." Hating yourself for not believing in him enough to know he's coming back. He's fucking Captain America... You chuckle lightly to yourself.

"You really thought I didn't know..."

Part Four(End)

[super-lemon-sama]

I had another super realistic dream-

Just like the dream wife dream, it felt like that was my real life, like I was actually there. 

Sadly this is one of the dreams I don’t remember as well as other but what basically happened was two things. I made friends with this dude and his friends and found out I had a crazy stalker.

the dream will be under the cut and also I made some pictures for it too! ^^

So I was living in this apartment that was basically just one room and a closet ((I mean but I liked it so what'evs i guess. also it was literally just the computer room we had in Oklahoma that I felt was very nice some days and very scary other days.))

there are a couple bits I remember better than others, one that I somehow befriended this guy (who I very specifically thinking in my head in the dream as I was looking at him that His hair was Neapolitan colored and it made me laugh, and so I called him Neapolitan and Neo' from then on.) I don’t remember how we met or what we were talking about before it happened (maybe I was at a party???) but I remember we hadn’t known each other that long but I asked him to walk me home bc I had been getting a creepy feeling all day and he was like "hmmm aight'" 

and I held out my hand and he was like 

"????what???" 

so I dead ass super serious was like 

"You gotta hold my hand, it's a sign of trust in my culture, and is good luck." 

lmaooo I mean in my dream the culture thing was true but I also remember thinking that it would help me tell if he decided to pull out a knife for some reason. ((Like this dude wasn’t even a badie, I was just super suspish of everyone that day))

Anyway we're walking outside in a park or somin and we approach this building. you know how at beaches or public pools they have a building that are like a bathroom for girls and guys but separated by side?

Like this

Well dudes like 

"hey, I need to pee, you okay if we stop for a sec?" 

and I was like 

"hhhhhhhhhdshghjgs yeahiguess." 

obviously only more scared since we left. and he's like 

"look if you're really so worried then just come into the bathroom with me and stand outside the stall, that way I’m right there if something happens and you can look out for trouble for me." 

and so obvi I’m like 

"//gasp// I can’t go in THERE! That’s the boys room!" 

so neos like 

"It's like 12 at night, Literally no one's around to care, you'll be fine. You know unless we aren’t actually alone muahaha" 

and I’m like 

"shuuut your shit up, I’m big scared okay... fine, just hurry up" 

and we walk in

And I’m just realizing now that even though it was the boys room that is literally was just a girls bathroom with just stall and no urinals lmaooo

it looked a lot like this

i remember it very specifically being really dimly lit and the colors were very blue grey, and dark green

i also remember looking down to see if anyone was in one of the stalls but we were in the clear

Anyway as he peed i was getting really nervous and had a daydream thing like I used to get sometimes in Oklahoma where I very vividly imagined something happening. it was of this figure phasing through the wall and running at me really fast

the figure looked like this at first

Its head was covered in this thick tough flesh that made me thing of those rubber masks they make for Halloween, but really thick, once it reached me its face changed into a mans face, but I don’t remember what it looked like, just that he was smiling

I got really scared when I snapped out of it and started hearing a really loud breathing coming from the the stall closest to the exit

as well as this low humming tone that kept getting louder and closer. I saw the latch to the stall start sliding so I screamed to Neapolitan that we need to run right now

and neo busts through the stall I was guarding and grabs my hand and we zoom tf out of that place all the way back to my apartment. like I dead ass was so exhausted that I was actually panting and trying to catch my breath in my dream. like never in my life have I felt like that while in a dream, it was wild.

he was like 

"whoa, that was scare as fuck, what the shit???? Do you like,,,,, want me to stay over tonight and make sure nothing happens?" 

and I'm like 

"KJDFLKADGFALKGFALKDHJ YESPLEASE" 

like sobbing but also dying from running so literally nothing I said was anything close to comprehensible, but he got what I meant.

I only got the pullout couch and offered him to sleep on top while I sleep under it ((it's what I do okay, that's not even my weird ass dream logic thats my real ass what I do irl logic))

 and he was like, 

"nah that's okay you got a pretty comfy chair, i'll just chill in this and keep watch okay?" 

and I like got choked up again bc I was literally so thankful. like even rn even though it was a dream I still feel really thankful???? i just normally never speak to people in my dreams really so it's like more important to me?? Idk

but I remember waking up (in my dream) and seeing him like passed out in the chair arms crossed and it was super funny, but I wake him up and I'm like 

"hey thanks for being so cool man, let me buy you breakfast." 

and he's like 

"Oh man, that sounds great, thanks!"

I vaguely remember that we ate from my apartments like bed and breakfast buffet thing but I don’t remember it that well, but I do remember that some stuff happened after that that had to do with hallways and that going back to my apartment the land lord was standing in front of my door and he was like, 

"hey uhhh, I got some bad news for you..." 

and I'm like 

"uhhhhhhhhh whaaaaat???"

so I remember the landlord sitting in my chair and telling me about how someone broke into my apartment but I wasnt really listening bc there was a storage box on the floor and hanging off of it were a couple of necklaces. ((necklaces I have in real life btw)) but one very specifically that I wore like every day in middle school and the beginning of high school that I had lost not to long after moving into the apartment ((this was true irl and the dream))

the necklace was a thin gold chain with a bunch of miss matched charms on it

I was fixated on it because literally how could it be here right now and why does it look different????

i pick it up and it has a bunch of copper pennies attached to it

it was SCARY vivid, like I was strapped into this dream like it was real life and even my dream self was looking at it like it was crazy real

I remember how the pennies were copper and pretty clean and how they weren’t just added to the ends but mixed into the other charms so whoever did this took the time to take off all the charms and place them back on a certain way with the pennies, I remember the weight of it in my hands when I picked it up and the specific weight at the bottom of the chain from all the pennies and charms

oh man I remember the chinkling sound it made and when i picked it up and I got that panic attack hot cold and nauseous feeling all over. Because I specifically wore that necklace because of the sound it made when I wore it. I liked the clinking sound it made, and who ever took it KNEW THAT

Sometime later im chillin with the dude and his friends, ((it's two other girls)) and I dont remember exactly what we were talking about but this one girl with pokey straight black hair says 

"Oh for sure!" 

confirming that she agreed with some sort of sentiment. she was just a bold person. not loud and obnoxious and not mean. she just had a up front opinion is all, and I thought she was really cool.

oh and we're all chilling on this deck thing but it's like indoors

we got a bunch of books and magazines and stuff

and neo is layin across me, like not in a funky way, but in a chill friend way and everything is chill and he moves closer to my face as he's asking me something and im in the middle of answering him when I get really tense bc I suddenly realize he's really close to my face and that I could totally smooch him if I wanted to. which like I did but I don’t deal with that kinda stuff well so I probably would have just laid there awkwardly not saying anything while I screamed internally until he's like "uhm you okay?" but my alarm woke me up so I'll never know what dream me would have done. Lmaooooo

any stressor like that dead ass makes my head go "brain function .exe has stopped working, please close out and try again later" so maybe that lmaooo

anyway, that was pretty much all I remembered, but just like the dream wife dream it was CRAZY real.

I hope that wasnt to boring to read or to hard to understand! ^^;

[enigmasalad]

Of Benders and Bonding Chapter 2

Roman and Logan waited on Virgil as he took a shower. Patton was busy at the post office sending candy that wasn't from the terrible circus back to the street orphans he cared for in his own home. Before his shower Roman and Logan bought Virgil something to eat. It was a simple stew and bread but the young man ate it like it would keep him alive and youthful forever. When he looked up Roman could tell he was embarrassed for eating like he did but he played it off.

“What? Never seen someone eat before?” Virgil asked, clearly glaring at Roman, who was smiling.

“I'm just pleased you ate something. You seem to not get food as often as you should.” he responded.

Virgil didn't respond. He just took his clothes and went to the bathroom to shower. So here Roman was, sitting on a bed as he tried to have a conversation with Logan, who was more interested in his latest book.

“The man's face when we scared him. It was glorious! I hope he gets what he deserves.” Roman said.

“It wasn't scaring as much as it was intimidation.”

“Well we rescued another person yet again!”

“Mmhm.”

Then Roman went quiet for a moment before speaking again.

“Do you think he will uh..stay with us for a bit?” he asked.

“I do not know his personal history but from his mannerisms its unlikely. However also because of his mannerisms there is a chance he might stay. Now leave me be.”

Roman groaned in frustration. Thankfully at that moment Patton came in. He looked more excited than usual and he was hiding something behind his back. This usually meant he bought something without telling anyone.

“What did you buy Patton?” Logan asked.

“Somethiiinnng”

“Patton..”

Patton held out a cake. Patton bought a chocolate cake. It was a bit smaller than cakes Roman has had, but then again his family were nobles so everything they had was slightly bigger. And better. Logan face palmed and  closed his book.

“You bought a cake..”

“To share with Virgil! If he's leaving I want this to end on a super happy note!” Patton exclaimed.

As Patton put the cake down they heard the bathroom door open. Virgil in all his dark glory entered the room. Well actually he looked more simple. He had his black hoodie on and it was mostly zipped up. Roman could see he was wearing a purple shirt underneath it. The next thing he noticed was the necklace around his neck. It was the water bending symbol made of metal and hung on a black cloth string. However the only thing that was really “out there” was Virgil still had makeup on. Or maybe he reapplied it. Roman didn't know. Lastly Is Virgil was completely dry. How could he be dry? He took a shower.

“Hey.” He greeted simply.

“Hello. I thought you took a shower.” Logan said.

“I did.”

“Then why are you n-”

“Oh cool! You're a water bender!” Patton exclaimed, interrupting Logan.

Virgil smirked a bit and pointed his thumb to Patton. Logan got the message and decided to read his book. Patton then shoved the cake in front of Virgil.

“ Hey is it your birthday by any chance?” he asked.

“No?” Virgil responded. He obviously was confused as he stared at the delicious dessert. 

“Aw. When is it? Am I close?”

“I don't know. Don't remember it. I know it was in the winter though so you're a bit late on that.”

This statement made Logan look up from his book. Roman grew more curious and sympathetic towards this man. Had he been there so long that he didn't remember even his birthday? Only his name? What’s worse is Virgil’s tone made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. At least to him. Patton's smile faltered but then it came back more brilliant than ever.

“Well maybe you wont celebrate your birthday but this can be better! It's your happy day! Your Freedom day! The day you became whoever you want to be!”

Virgil looked warily at the cake and then Patton.

“Just accept the cake or he'll give you the puppy eyes.” Roman said.

So Virgil nodded and Patton began cutting the cake with a dagger (which he cleaned). Logan explained the whole time that daggers weren't for cutting cake. Everyone soon had plates and forks and cake in their lap. Roman noticed as he ate his piece that Virgil was just staring at it.

“Whats wrong?” he asked.

“I just..never had cake before.” Virgil admitted.

“Then eat it! There's a first time for everything!”

So the water bender took a bite of the chocolate cake. His eyes widened and Roman had to admit it was kind of cute. The expression of wonderful curiosity and realization mixed with slight happiness made Virgil look younger and slightly more innocent. Patton looked incredibly happy as he ate his cake next to Logan.

“What is this?” Virgil asked.

“It's chocolate.” Logan responded as he just stared at his cake. The man didn't like sweets. He gave it to Patton, who willingly ate it.

“My god this is great.” Virgil sighed.

Soon all the cake was gone and everyone cleaned themselves up when Virgil spoke up. He looked pretty nervous.

“Uh..thank you for everything. I'm sorry I can't repay you for the kindness you've shown me.”

“You don't owe anything. We're only helping those in need.” Logan responded, for once a slight smile was on his face.

Virgil allowed a small and shy smile to come on his face. However it disappeared when he spoke again.

“I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest. So I'll travel with you. For now. If its not too mu-”

“It could never be too much! Im getting all giddy just thinking of all the fun you'll have with us!” Patton exclaimed cheerily.

“Yes I suppose your experience in water and blood bending will help us when this dolt goes face first into hostile conditions.” Logan said as he motioned to Roman.

“Hey!”

Usually something like that would make someone laugh. Heck they may even smile. However Virgil didn't do either. He looked nervous, no,  panicked. He also looked furious.

“What kind of sick person are you? I won't use my bending to have human puppets!” he said.

“Wha- Hey Virgil calm down okay? I apologize. Logan isn't good with....people so he tends to uh..think logically about things instead of how it can effect someone's emotions.” Roman said, trying to calm Virgil down.

“Roman I'll handle this. We wont mention this anymore alright? And you don't have to use it. Im sure Logan didn't mean to upset you and I'm sure he's very sorry.” Patton said with a smile as he turned to Logan.

Logan straightened up. Patton's smile wasn't a “im being nice” smile. It was a “you better do your part to fix this” smile. 

“Yes I uh..do apologize for offending you. I don’t know exactly what blood bending is unfortunately. It wont happen again.” Logan said.

Virgil still seemed tense but he calmed down, which was good.

“Just....I don't know what rock you lived under but blood bending isn't the nicest form of water bending. I'd prefer it be kept under lock and key yeah?” Virgil said.

Logan nodded and just like that the tension in the room calmed down.

“Well this has been an eventful day! Logan and I will go to our room and you and Virgil can share a room okay?” Patton asked.

Roman nodded and wished the two a good night as they left. That left him and emo to the extremo alone. Together. In a room. Roman forced his blush down and removed his belt and sword. He then began doing his usual check for anything that would require it to be cleaned or repaired. He barely noticed that Virgil was watching him. He looked up and caught the water bender staring at his bladed weapon.

“Are you impressed?” Roman asked, a small but smug smile appearing on his face.

“As if. It looks like any ordinary sword out there.” Virgil responded.

At that Roman put a hand to his chest and acted offended.

“Any other sword? No, no no! This is a personal gift from the fire emperor himself!”

“Emperor...Thomas right?” Virgil asked.

“Yes! He is one of my most dearest friends. Before I began my journey and met the other two he gave me this. It's kept me alive so far!”

“I thought you were a fire bender.”

Roman smiled and put his sword back into it's sheathe. He then placed it on his bedside table.

“I still am a fire bender. However I happen to like sword fighting a lot better. There's a bit more of an adrenaline rush since you aren't relying on bending.” Roman explained.

The darker man sat cross-legged on the other bed and looked slightly curious. He was trying to not let it show but there was that spark in his eye. Roman sat down on his own bed and turned to Virgil.

“Do you know how to use any weapons? Oh is it knives or daggers? You seem to be the type that uses daggers!”

“No not really. Not looking to get injured like you.” Virgil said as he laid back.

Roman sighed and also laid back. He didn't know for sure, but he was sure Virgil was one snarky son of a bee sting.

[funkymbtifiction]

Is there any ways to have a healthier tertiary Fi? This is because I find myself sometimes losing control of my emotions, especially if I see someone being incompetent. (An example of that would be this person was supposed to edit my photo then ended up with nothing because he took my photo in a "square shape" instead of rectangular shape so it's impossible to fit into the template without stretching it. You can imagine how an aux-Te would have reacted to hearing this.)

I’m going to assume it’s okay to answer this in public and he won’t read it. ;)

Frustration with competence is very common in strong Te users; you cannot head it off every time, but there are a few things you can do to set boundaries.

Establish and come to explicit terms of agreement. In other words, never assume anyone knows what you want unless you have told them. If you asked said dude to take your photo but did not specify your needs (rectangular for a template instead of square), it’s not fair to get upset with him for not being able to read your mind. Sometimes people who are super efficient can forget not everyone is on their wavelength and they may not have been specific.

(Often, problems in relationships come from being non-specific / expecting the other person to assume what you want from them. IE, “You didn’t show up, it was our anniversary, I’m so upset with you!” to which the other person goes, “Wait, it was our anniversary and you planned something special? Why didn’t you remind me so I could leave work early? Had I known, I could have been there, since this obviously matters to you!” “Yeah, but you should KNOW and REMEMBER stuff like this!” “But… I’m not you. I don’t remember these things; it does not mean I do not value this relationship. Do I have to remember these things to keep you happy? Is that what you really want from me? If so, why weren’t you more explicit when I asked you last week what you want in this relationship?”)

If the agreement is not kept, you have free rein to remind them of said agreement in non-emotional terms (if you have to go take a walk, go take it; if you have to wait a day to answer him without blowing up, wait a day). “We agreed that you would deliver me THIS under THESE terms by THIS date, so I was disappointed to see that you have note kept to our agreement.”

In some situations, there needs to be a penalty if one person does not fulfill their obligation. Use this sparingly, but no one respects a doormat who never establishes boundaries. If Joe has a deadline, he will never respect Martha if she cuts him endless slack and holds things back to wait for him. He may have to be left out a few times (sorry, but this came in late, and we went to press / set up the booth / went ahead without it) before he learns to value Martha’s time. (This should be mostly in work / responsibility-related relationships and only used in extreme cases of personal relationships – such as a chronic significant other who shows up 56 minutes late to dinner or the movies every single time after endless excuses expecting you to wait. Well, let them show up a few times and find out you went to the showing you selected together without them, or ate dinner and cleaned up without them, and… the leftovers are in the fridge. You know where the microwave is, I’m busy.)

Regarding Te users in particular…

Remember, not everyone is as efficient as you are. They just aren’t. This is your area of expertise. You cannot hold other people to your standards. Cut them some slack. Remind yourself of the things they ARE good at.

You value a high work ethic. That matters to you. A lot. Other people may not care as much, so accept the work they do and unless it’s substandard, be okay with it.

Ask yourself where your anger is coming from, and why? Do you feel you have to do substandard work over, so you are angry with their performance robbing you of your spare time? If so, ask yourself why it matters this much, and if your standard is unrealistic; can you let the project / school assignment go the way it is, without re-working their part over? What does it teach them, if they know you will rewrite / re-do the project? (Clue: my input isn’t necessary, or good enough for them anyway, so why waste a lot of time on it?) Is your interaction with them part of the problem (you redoing the project = devalues their input = they do less good work = you have to do it over, a never-ending cycle?

Pick your battles. Some things? Worth being mad about. Other things? Not being worth mad about. The global sex-slave trafficking trade? Worth being mad about. If you have to go big, to remind yourself how your emotions fit in the grand scheme of things and electro-shock back your anger scale, do it. (I was mad not long ago about something stupid, trivial, and selfish, until I read about the race riots and realized my butt-hurt feelings matter not in the grand scheme of things. Let yourself be upset once in awhile, but pick worthwhile things.)

Know your moods and tolerance levels. Some days, things irk you more than other days. Acknowledge what’s really going on, on those days: are you reacting this way because you are really upset, or because you got no sleep, you are overworked, a massive project just blew up in your face, or your dog just died? Thinkers can often displace their feelings and sometimes not understand where the negative explosions are coming from, because of their tendency to rationalize away emotions rather than embracing them.

Learn to allow yourself to have emotional reactions without self-judgment. Thinkers have it tough, because they want the world to be logical, and they do not want to be illogical in the world; but when intense emotions take over, they feel out of control and sometimes even irrational. The more you push away from these feelings, try to contain them, or refuse to deal with them, the less control you will have over them in the long run. Let the emotions come. Ride the wave. Be okay with them. Reassure yourself it’s fine and normal to have them.

Know what triggers you and why. Someone bumps your desk, and your power cord comes out of the wall, and you lose your work. You lose it. Why? Is it incompetence or because your jackass older brother used to do that sort of thing to you on purpose? Do you really dislike this person and find her incompetent, or does dealing with her remind you of someone unpleasant you used to dislike? Why does someone talking about gun control upset you, but that same person can bring up fratricide and you could care less? These reactions are tied to your deeper self – who you are, what morals you have, your beliefs, and your pain.

Find a safe outlet to explore and connect to your Fi. The more exposure to and experience with Fi you have, the less Fi will feel “out of control” when it hits you. Some Fi’s like to use entertainment to explore and expose themselves to different emotional experiences, because they can do it in private without feeling judged or exposed – higher Fi’s often like to sit back and ponder the emotional dynamics of a film and how it resonated with them. You can also use books, music, poetry, art, and writing (yours).

Good luck. :)

- ENFP Mod

[ko2vo]

THIS BLOG IS THREE YEARS OLD TODAY HOLY SHIT (edit: i started this post months ago and forgot about it, this blog was 3 years old on Sept. 7 pffffff-)

Anyway, its been a long time since i last did this, here are a bunch of OCs of mine and, below the read more, is some context for each of them. Probably gonna get long and rambly ‘cause i love them all. You dont have to read about them but please read about them i love them.

Guess the first thing to know is that these aren’t my only OCs. These are kinda the ones that I’ve had around the longest and kept coming back to. Plus, I have some for specific projects that I don’t really elaborate on cuz they exist in a game/writing/something self contained and to say anything would be to say too much, I guess? 

Yeah. Overall, I guess these guys are either so developed or underdeveloped that it wouldn’t be spoiling for me to say things about their personalities/relationships! And some of the stories have changed so drastically over the years, I don’t even know what kinda canon will be canon when i get around to making it.

SO they’re categorized by their different worlds/purposes. ALSO if you want to see more pictures of a particular OC, I made their name clickable and it will bring up their tag (some.... won’t have a lot of drawings tho criesss).

CANDY HERO has been my dream comic project since I was 14 oh man. It’s a superhero story, about homeless kids that have to save the world. The reason for saving the world has changed a lot, from alien invasion to robot uprising to super virus subtly ruining everything. But the plan has always been like a grungy futuristic city setting and long term ideas where each chapter would be a self contained episode.

Soda is one of the main characters and the only person that has superpowers. However, his super powers are candy-based and wicked unstable. He could intend to create crystal rock candy to make a barrier of some kind but accidentally whip up a cotton candy tornado. His superhero origin story has changed a lot, but I usually stick to the idea that he swallowed some nuclear experimental bubblegum and it unexpectedly manifested inside him in a way that gave him these capabilities.

Why would he eat questionable chewing gum?? Well, he’s pretty young when he does so most likely he didn’t realize gum wasn’t for eating at that point. He’s also homeless and isn’t picky about what he eats. He probably ends up on the street when he’s around 7 or 8 and his story takes place when he’s 14 or 15. So, somewhere between there is when he acquires his powers. 

His personality is basically relentless positivity and optimism. Always looks on the bright side and can be counted on as a morale booster. Super loyal and supportive of his friends. Believes in ideals and hopes to make the world a better place, believes the world can be changed for the better. It’s very difficult to upset him. However, his outlook often jars when he has to deal with an emotionally sensitive situation. His general response is “everything will be okay and I believe in you and support you” and, for a lot of people, it doesn’t work like that and it just makes them more upset, especially living among the homeless. Even though he can relate to suffering, his way of dealing things has always been to repress or move on since it couldn’t be helped and that’s usually what he subconsciously advocates.Depending on the person, it can be reassuring or it can feel like a rehearsed script.

All in all, he has a lot of issues he’s left unresolved and ignores in favour of smiling and focusing on the positive and he doesn’t really understand why people will fixate on the negative. So he’s not really good at handling any kinda negative emotions. ALSO his trusting nature makes him a victim in gullibility too. Even with someone that’s been a complete dick to him twenty times over, he’ll always give the benefit of a doubt and allow them second, third, fourth chances.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT SODA - His real name is Felix but he’s only ever gone by Soda. Rafter was the one that gave him the nickname cuz he’s bubbly and too sweet. - When he’s actually sad and can’t force himself to be happy, he isolates himself. - He’s always wanted to be a super hero! His earliest memory is running around with goggles on and a blanket tied around his shoulders like a cape, playing pretend. - He has an evil doppelganger named Seltzer; they look exactly alike, except Seltzer’s eyes are orange instead of blue. - He smells like a carnival’s trash can.

Rafter is Soda’s best friend. Both of them have been on the street for a similar amount of time, but Rafter’s circumstances for getting there are a lot more harsh. Soda ends up there almost by choice, but Rafter is forced onto the streets. He’s really mature as a result and pretty cautious. Generally, he prefers to be a lone wolf but Soda persisted in helping him cuz they were both kids and logically he understood that it was safer to have someone around. Most of the time, he appreciates Soda for his overabundant friendliness but it also makes him super nervous because jeezuz Soda, don’t talk to that shady dude behind the dumpster what if he harvests your kidneys or something plz exercise some self preservation.

Rafter is relatively quiet, thoughtful, and skeptical. He doesn’t trust people very easily and he tends to keep his circle of friends small. But when he does trust someone, he’s very dependable. Even though he doesn’t have superpowers, he’s got a keen eye for details and analysis. If he were older, he’d probably be a detective. More defensive than offensive, and a strategist. 

He ends up in contention with Soda sometimes, because of Soda’s instinct to jump into things indiscriminately (where Rafter likes to plan and evaluate) and also because of his inability to deal with emotions. Rafter is pretty stable emotionally, but when he does feel upset he goes to Noyal or TOI for support rather than Soda. Rafter needs to work through his feelings with someone else and understand why he reacts the way he did in order to feel better.

Overall, Rafter is very level headed. He thinks realistically and practically. But his caution borders on paranoia sometimes and prevents him from making many meaningful connections for fear of being hurt. And, when in contrast with Soda’s positive outlooks, he worries that he comes off as less realistic and more negative and jaded by comparison. It’s a thought that eats away at him sometimes.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT RAFTER - He plays piano and its the best way for him to relax. - Rafter isn’t his real name but no one knows it. - His dream career is to be a psychologist and help kids like him when he gets older, in order to help them avoid being homeless. - Dogs make him nervous. Especially big dogs.  - Even though he lives on the street, he’s very careful to stay as clean and hygienic as he can. Can’t stand feeling grimy or dirty.

TOI is an illegal android. She was a young boy as a human who was dying and her father was a scientist that transferred her consciousness to a robot. There is a law that states that any person under the age of consent cannot have their consciousness transferred because androids are not subject to the same laws as humans. It is completely legal for an adult to choose to become an android but there are really fucked up, blurred moral lines with the production of androids. Even if they have a living consciousness and not an AI installed, the only real law they’re required to follow is to be registered and have an owner.

Short of that, anything that happens to androids is damage against the owner, not the android. Because android parts are replaceable and, even if a consciousness is human or a highly developed AI, they are subject to selective memory wipes and can be transferred to other vessels. So androids are kind of resented by some people, able to forget their traumas with the push of a button and recover from damage that would be irreparable for something organic. There have been a lot of attempts at acquiring self ownership and more protection for robots in general, but overall it comes down to “if you can choose to forget, why are you remembering.” It’s a system that kind of works, but only for robots that have owners and owners who care about their well being (which logically they should, because an android costs about as much as a new car would and, if they are spending that much and the consciousness is someone they know, the assumption is that it’s an act of love).

ANYWAYS I could ramble about the messed up robot-human relations of this world all day, but essentially TOI is illegal for many reasons. For one, she was about nine when her consciousness was extracted. Though her mind does continue to age, it’s still morally grey because the public assumption is that all robots are considered consenting adults, even when they have a body that appears younger. It’s a means of avoiding fucked up shit that developers know would happen anyways by at least making it fucked up shit that only happens to adults??? If that makes sense??? im avoiding specific words, cuz its too dark for how PG i want the story to be and its not something i would really explore in canon, its just something i think about when considering TOI’s choices.

She’s also very illegal because, when she turned 15 her father died and her father was her ‘technical’ owner. She wasn’t registered but she had some protection with him around as his ‘scientific property’ but with him gone, no one faces any consequences for damaging her. It leaves her in a very vulnerable position should anyone find out she’s an android and unregistered. And she can’t advocate for robot rights because without an owner, she can just get wiped and no one could do anything about it.

Personality wise, TOI is very snarky. She likes to sass and tease and outsmart people. In canon, she’s about 32 years old, so she also takes a sadistic pleasure in making adults think they’ve been outwitted by a child. She is highly intelligent but operates under the radar because of her situation, usually relying on her human connections (Noyal) in order to save money or sign important documents.

In Candy Hero, she currently isn’t planned to appear for a handful of chapters. Soda and Rafter have a few adventures themselves, then they meet her when she is visiting Noyal. She trusts them as Noyal’s friends and sticks around, their antics amusing her. Plus, since they all look around the same age, TOI feels more secure moving around in public with them.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT TOI - TOI doesn’t need to eat or sleep as a robot, but she does need to recharge every other week depending on her exertion, and she needs regular maintenance. - She was a trans girl even before her consciousness was put into her robot body but socially closeted, except to her father and Noyal. - She loves cats and her favourite clothing items are cat themed. - Whenever she’s able to, she attends art galleries and musical events. - SHES GONE THROUGH THE MOST DESIGN CHANGES like, she used to be a super sexualized animu lady with big boobs and no pants (i want to fight 15 yr old me when i think about it honestly) then she was skinny dude with a gas mask and hood, then lost the mask but became purely a program, then a virus trapped inside a phone Soda had, and now she’s where she is and I’m happiest with her newest design

Noyal is a quiet guy that lives on a boat. He doesn’t say much but he’s empathetic toward Soda and Rafter as street kids. I haven’t really thought about how they meet but my guess is that Soda and Rafter are jumping around different places for food and shelter during the winter and Noyal notices them since he jumps around to the different places for his work. He doesn’t approach them though, it’s Soda that approaches him offering to help him with something (much to Rafter’s horror cuz holy shit Noyal is scary looking) and they all eventually begin to talk. Well, Noyal mostly listens but he talks more with them than he does almost anyone else (TOI being the exception).

Eventually, he offers them a place to stay for the worst nights. They can’t stay with him all the time cuz his boat’s pretty cramped as it is and Noyal likes his solitude. He can’t handle the idea of being a father figure to Soda and Rafter so he makes sure they understand that he views them as friends, not as children he needs to be responsible for. Even though Rafter was nervous about him at first, it turns out that he and Noyal have very compatible personalities and the equal ground he offers in defining that “I’m not an authority over you just because I’ve lived longer” ironically makes Rafter really look up to and respect him. 

I’ve not really thought out Noyal’s history to the same extent I’ve thought out TOI’s. He’s always been quiet, somewhat mysterious, but willing to help a friend in need. I imagine he’s been helped through a lot of things when he was young and that’s what makes him willing to extend altruism and sanctuary when he encounters someone that needs help. However, unlike Soda, he doesn’t go out of his way or beyond what he’s comfortable with. If he wants to help and is capable of doing so, he will.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT NOYAL - He owns a dog; an elderly and blind Schnauzer affectionately called Old Russ, who sleeps on his bed with him. - I’ve always imagined him with a Newfoundlander accent. - He’s actually a year younger than TOI and she’ll never let him forget it. - He has a twin sister that he doesn’t like to talk about; she sends him a care package every few months. - He works at a million different jobs. One of the running gags I’ve established in my writing is that he’s just everywhere; Soda and Rafter go to a circus, he’s running the ticket booth; they go to a theatre, he’s a janitor; they head to the mall, he’s working security. HE IS A BUSY MAN. - Covered in scars not because he gets into fights but because he loves animals, regularly works at places with big animals, and would willingly get mangled by a bear if it meant he was able to help it.

PURE FLUFF isn’t the name of anything but I just have no other designation for these two OCs (I used to call their story Day by Day but I’ve abandoned that name). I made them with the intent of doing a really fluffy gay webcomic and I still want to! But it probably won’t be a linear storyline like i originally intended, more like random snippets of their time together. I also specifically wanted to focus not on falling in love, but staying in love. Like, usually the plot and conflict of romance ends with people becoming a couple. Yet, there are so many fun and ridiculous issues that pop up while being a couple??? LIKE COME ON?? 

Also, it’s a super pure and wholesome story overall so the issues aren’t anything really terrible (at least, between Evan and Love). Usually its like “i dont care how in the zone you are, you havent slept in over 72 hours and im forcing you to sleep” and “dude i know you wouldn’t cheat on me but your hot tutor is making me wicked jealous and possessive and i need attention plz” and “oh nooooo looks like they accidentally put pineapple on both sides of the pizza, guess you’re gonna have to eat pineapple too.” Y’know. Small issues.

Evan is the epitome of lethargy. He’s tired 24/7 and monotone in his speech patterns. Emotions are difficult for him. He experiences them but numbly and has trouble dealing with other’s displays of emotions, particularly in the extreme. He doesn’t really understand people with strong passions or hatreds but he tries to be supportive in his own way. And he really does try but when people don’t know him, they assume his muted reactions are out of disinterest. He can’t force himself to react the way people want so he struggles in a lot of social situations. A lot of the time, he ends up overwhelmed and exhausted if he spends too much time with a crowd.

He doesn’t have the best relationship with his parents and moved out the moment he turned 18 but he has younger siblings that love and adore him so he tries to keep in touch with them at least. Evan is in post secondary and is majoring in computer science and programming. Again, not exactly because it’s his passion but he understands it and it’s an independent activity that he can work on. He also is minoring in ancient history because he enjoys the mythology and guesswork of studying ancient civilizations. 

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT EVAN - He is probably trans. Honestly, for a lot of my characters, I tend to keep things flexible unless it’s important to their story or I’m being self indulgent so most of them are like ‘maby they are maby they aren’t it doesnt matter’ if i dont say anything. I mention it for Evan cuz its been something I’ve considered as the reason his relationships with his parents being tense. - He is about 23-24, which is two years older than Love. They met in high school because Evan had to take a lower level art class to complete his diploma. Often, people think he is younger than Love because of his baby face and being so much shorter. The assumption tends to annoy him. - Evan is colourblind! Protanopia, or red-green colourblindness.  - He has a history of self harm that only Love knows about and he’s since found healthier coping mechanisms. - His favourite thing is spending a lazy afternoon at home, reading a book while Love draws beside him

Love is an artist and an asshole. He likes to tease and press buttons, but generally doesn’t overstep boundaries (and feels terrible when he accidentally does). He is a positive person, looks on the bright side but he has a lot of feelings and not all of them are happy. He’s sensitive, gets disheartened at the slightest off tone. Conversely, he’s extremely easy to please too, the slightest praise sending him buzzing. His mood jumps around a lot depending on where he is, but Evan tends to keep him balanced because he understands and appreciates Evan’s tranquillity. 

As an artist, Love focuses on painting and sketching. He loves to use a lot of colour and tends to lean toward impressionism and abstraction in his work. He likes deep thinking but he tends to lean toward making work that’s pretty and aesthetically pleasing to look at (which he gets shit for as an art student). However, a lot of the worst of his habits are associated with painting. He’ll go for days without sleep and eating if he’s in a good painting mood, usually much to Evan’s concern. In high school before dating Evan, he experimented with some hallucinogenics for the sake of artistic venture. He also used to smoke somewhat heavily. Evan helped him ease away from those habits, just as he helped Evan ease away from his.

Also, Love is absolutely enamoured with Evan. Evan loves him back of course, he wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t feel anything, but Love is way more deeply attached. He hovers and will do his best to accommodate Evan, he worries about Evan and tends to talk about him as a common subject in conversation, and he’s happiest when spending his time with Evan. Evan is a lot more independent in the sense that he doesn’t fixate on Love like Love does him, but Love is still the most important person in his life. Love doesn’t really try to tone down his affection either, he’d probably yell in a public space “GOD MY BOYFRIEND IS WONDERFUL??? IM SO LUCKY???” and get kicked out. But it’d so be worth it. He loves making Evan embarrassed.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT LOVE - His name, Love Jaakola, is pronounced Low-vay Yak-oh-law. His father was Swedish and his mother is Chinese (she’s the only one he’s still in contact with). He is an only child. - His hair is naturally dark brown but he regularly dyes it blonde. The ‘streak’ in his hair is actually dried acrylic paint from pushing his hair out his face, the only way he’s able to get rid of it is to cut it off (but it comes back cuz he’s in the habit of running his paint coated hand through his hair at this point). - Love is Evan’s first date person, but Love has dated about 4 people before Evan. Two were girls, one was a boy, and one was nonbinary. However, most of those relationships only lasted a few months, he has been with Evan for about 4-5 years (they’ve known each other about 6-7 yrs). - Ironically, he’s a bit of a technophobe. Evan keeps telling him he should post his artwork online or that he should network with people more to expand his art career, but Love’s like ‘maby.... one day... not today.......’ - His favourite thing is to draw/paint on Evan’s skin. Nothing really planned or meant to impress, just lazing around in their underwear and doodling thoughtlessly.

BAD SEEDS oh god. this is... my sin comic. Sort of. Last year around this time, I was fucking ITCHING to make a webcomic. It’s been something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and like, in the time frame of Aug-Nov, my urge to make gore art goes through the roof (like, most people dont get how gross i am cuz i only draw it around this time, i tend to quietly absorb other’s gore during the rest of the year). So the plans for this comic came around. Psychological horror, gore, plants and flowers, bones, I threw a lot of self indulgent shit into this comic.

Bad Seeds is about two terrible high school kids that cause one another to do awful things by encouraging each other’s violent impulses (i say “kids”, they’re both 17 and would experience their 18th birthdays in canon, i literally just wanted a high school setting cuz bullies weeeeps). I did a lot of sketched out comics in my small travel sketchbook of really climactic, messed up scenes, then I tried to do an actual story line so I could do a comic. I made the first 14 ish pages and they’re still floating around but.... wow i hate the beginning. And need to rewrite it. Cuz I still like a lot of the scenes I made for the middle of the story and the messed up dynamics please me but, unfortunately, the main characters need to meet somehow. 

Daniel is a nervous, paranoid boy. He’s very jumpy and always feels like he’s going to be yelled at for doing something wrong. He feels like an outcast and kind of makes himself out to be one by thinking that way. Doesn’t go out of his way to make friends, isn’t interested by sports or clubs, and his grades in school are average or below average. However, people that do know him would say he was polite, quiet, and accommodating. Even though he looks awkward, they’d insist he was just shy and warms up to you.

In reality, he behaves that way because he’s almost been conditioned and guilted into being selfless by his dad (his only family). He takes up extra shifts at work if someone asks him, he’ll lend someone he doesn’t know money if they ask, and he will help with cleaning/organizing after school if he’s asked. He doesn’t volunteer and generally doesn’t want to do a lot of things he agrees to but he just can’t say no unless it clashes with other things he’s agreed to do (usually, his job). 

Other than that though, a lot of his internalized guilt stems from his fascination with the morbid and a fear of people finding out. In my old draft of Bad Seeds, he became fascinated after being exposed to guro on the internet, but I want the time setting to be late 90s-early 2000s, so I’m compiling a lot of texts and paintings that would feed that interest and be more time appropriate. I’m also trying to figure out if that would make him more interested in art history and specific classical literature but honestly, I don’t think it would; he’d probably fixate only on the most gruesome things and skim over all else haaah.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT DANIEL - He is a masochist. Whenever he gets injured, it tends to take three times as long to heal as it should because he picks and scratches and makes things worse. He also self harms on his upper arms for this reason, to watch it bleed and heal (though, I’m certain a warped idea of atonement for his guilt also plays into the action). - Before meeting Poet, he’d been watching him from a far for two years. Not exactly stalking, he doesn’t go out of his way, but they’re in the same small town school; he stares at him from across the cafeteria at lunch and glances at him when they have classes together and listens extra hard when he hears people talk about Poet.  - He works at a small cafe that doesn’t get a lot of traffic. - He sleepwalks and has really vivid dreams. Sometimes he self-induces insomnia to avoid them but that tends to have bad side effects. - He really enjoys his hair being played with/petted/pulled. 

Poet is seemingly perfect. He’s one of the top students, with exceptional grades in all of his classes. He’s the president of the student council and he’s well liked by most of the student body because he’s humble and, though hard working and busy, he tries to treat everyone kindly and make good impressions. The only thing he could be considered average in is sports, but he stays active by gardening and hiking. He takes to positions of leadership well, he’s good at improvising, and speaks eloquently. All of his hard work is contributing to his career goal of becoming a medical doctor or surgeon.

However, he has the same morbid fascinations as Daniel. Though, while Daniel is exposed to creative sources like fiction and paintings depicting violence or gore, Poet is more grounded in reality. He uses medical textbooks and pays a lot of attention to real life surgery photos. There was a point where, with the mental excuse that he would need to be comfortable with the grotesque, that he would look for dead things in order to do mock autopsies. He’s killed animals before but always with his version of a justification; to end something’s suffering or in self defence. He rarely kills animals because of this need for a proper explanation. In the old draft of Bad Seeds, his and Daniel’s meeting is him trying to explain that he killed a wild dog that had backed him into an alley and struggling to come up with a reason for why Daniel found him elbow deep in its guts.

HE’S SUCH  A BAD DUDE HONESTLY i hate him. Especially with Daniel, after they acknowledge one another’s fucked up impulses, Poet becomes really attached to Daniel but in a messed up abusive and jealous way. He begins to manipulate and gaslight Daniel, whose already isolated, to become even more isolated and only trust Poet and lets himself get talked into a lot by Poet. Well, they talk each other into things. Poet, at the beginning of their relationship, is still extremely preoccupied with appearances and knows what they’re doing is wrong as tempting as it is to have a willing participant and gives Daniel a lot of chances to say no to things. But the more Daniel says yes, the more of a power trip Poet goes on and god, they just make each other so much worse over time and it’s awful and unhealthy and i hate that I’m absolutely into this kinda psychological shit (ONLY FICTIONALLY THO i hate that i need to specify that; if this happened in real life, id fucking call the cops in a heartbeat).

But yea, if he and Daniel never met, they’d both be way better off in the long run honestly haha.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT POET - Probably goes without saying, but he is a sadist. Like, he likes to think he is clinically scientific about everything he does, but when he gets the chance to act out fantasies with Daniel, he starts paying a lot of attention to expression and reaction when he does things. - I mentioned he enjoys gardening but he really likes gardening! He does all the gardening and maintenance of his parent’s home during the warm months, and keeps a lot of plants inside too. - I usually draw him with black hair, but at some point he dies his hair silver/white.  - He has a fluffy medium sized dog named Styx, not sure about the breed. Probably a mutt but lots of collie. - Poet existed before Bad Seeds, as a character in Love and Evan’s story! He was still kind of awful but more harmless. He wound up having a crush on Evan while tutoring him in English, but Evan wasn’t interested and also is dating Love. Love had a small crush on Poet cuz he’s lowkey poly and super into intellect/glasses/charisma, which he talked over with Evan. Evan accepts it as part of him but personally wouldn’t be comfortable dating him if he were dating others, so Love compromises because hot damn he loves Evan. ANYWAYS Poet is still awful because, even after Evan says no, he pines and obsesses and tries to monopolize his time as a “””friend”””” (thankfully tho, Evan is not susceptible to his bullshit - which sadly makes Poet like him that much more criesssss)

Ray is a bit of an enigma. He’s technically in his senior year with both Daniel and Poet, but he’s actually two years older and is only back at the school to complete his high school diploma. But no one really remembers him as attending their school? Despite this though, he settles into the school atmosphere well. Even though he’s 19, he’s generally mistaken for younger. He has classes he does well in and classes he skips, but his passion is for music. He’s a skilled, adaptable guitarist who gets called into a few bars and clubs when a band is short and was practically adopted by the school band the moment they found out his skill level. Thing is, he’s also very lazy and wants to avoid things that feel like work, usually causing them to send the drummer to kidnap him in order to get him to attend practice.

He gives off an air of being laid back and aloof, but he’s rather observant. Ray is probably the closest thing to a friend that Daniel has, because Ray noticed he was a bit of a black sheep and decided to keep him company. At first, out of concern that he was being bullied, but after some time it was a little more personal because he realized that Daniel had a crush on another boy (since this story is set in a small town during late 90s early 2000s, repression and institutionalized homophobia are a concern but not really the focus). Personal because he is actually gay and trans and he becomes a little protective over Daniel, having figured this out. Though, his protectiveness doesn’t stop him from teasing Daniel (about having a crush, not about being gay of course).

Ray is also a little eccentric. He refuses to sit in seats properly, he wanders around the streets at like 3am and during rainstorms, and always packs a lunch but never eats it, usually giving it away to Daniel or some first year. He comes off pretty confident and he’s decent at improvising but overall he has no shame and no idea what he’s doing.

SOME EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT RAY - He has an ex who I haven’t developed but he’s also important, he’s a coworker of Daniel’s. Ray’s ex is actually a decent and understanding dude, but Ray broke up with him because he wanted to get rid of things that reminded him about being “Rachel” (his deadname). - He shares a basement apartment with like, five other lgbt people, but he doesn’t spend much time there and has a tendency to fall asleep where ever. - He’s an orphan. Dad died when he was young, and his mom was a police officer who died in the line of duty during the time he had disappeared. He has an older sister who’s moved a fair distance away. - Daniel thinks of him as a weird mom. Ray considers himself something of a big brother, since he can be a bit of an asshole. - Ray is driven by spite. His hair at the beginning of Bad Seeds is the fluffy mullet he has, influenced by other guitarists cuz he’s a nerd, but when he meets his ex again and his ex tells him his hair looks cute, he gets an undercut immediately after. 

STAINED is a project I used to be passionate about but honestly, it’s kind of abandoned. It had something to do with tattoos and corrupt hierarchical systems and someone unknowingly supporting the status quo before learning how fucked up and inhumane it is and trying to change the way the world works. I think I was reading a lot of dystopian things that influenced my ideas. Some of the characters from this project will probably be redesigned and put somewhere else but this project itself is kinda dead to me.

ALSO, ITS GONNA BE JARRING HOW SHORT THINGS GET FROM HERE ON like, the rest of these characters are not as developed/ I don’t care about them enough anymore to try to adapt their personalities elsewhere criessss

Marz was what I considered one of the most complex characters at one point. Bare bones, he goes from being sheltered but curious to really vindictive and dark following his best friend/lover being martyred. At the moment though, he’s very much a blank slate and, even though he was the main character, a lot of the initiative and plot was driven by his lover. I... literally have very little to say about Marz anymore IM SORRY MARZ, I LOVED YOU ONCE MABY ILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Stone is a happy dude. He was in the same universe as Marz, working on the outskirts of the city palace town, dealing black market potions and magic in a shop he inherited from Iris (who is dead in that universe - probably another reason i don’t like Marz’s story anymore). In his current canon, he still works at a shop dealing in occult things, but alongside Iris. Prior to their meeting, Stone was a very proper, uptight man, overly concerned with etiquette and very polite. However, he was also really tired of denying what he enjoys (he is bisexual and more feminine than his posh family find acceptable). One day, he decides to explore the grimier parts of the city and ends up cornered in an alley cuz pretty boy doesn’t think ahead that walking around looking clean and expensive in a sketchy part of town will get him into trouble.

Thankfully though, he’s saved by Iris and, to repay her, he works at her shop. Stone is a quick learner and finds his niche in the dark arts that Iris teaches him. He’s happiest when he can sneak over and help and, eventually, stops going home. He and Iris are in a relationship but they’re not exactly monogamous; Iris loves him but also knows that he’s bi and has been sheltered his entire life. She wants him to be able to explore his interests and not feel restricted by his attachment to her, especially since she’s had so much more time to love and be loved. So essentially, an open relationship.

Stone is laboured with a lot of learned prejudice and a concept of tradition that Iris helps him identify, understand, and either overcome or work on in the means of becoming less toxic. He finds Iris fascinating and loves to learn from her, both about the occult and about himself (because most of the time, he feels like she knows him more than he does himself).

EXTRA RANDOM FACTS ABOUT STONE - After a few years of working with and knowing Iris, Stone accidentally blinds himself trying to make a difficult potion. This is the version of him I draw the most. Before the accident, his eye colour was hazel. - Eventually, he and Iris get married. - Following the accident, he’s immortal. Nowadays, I focus on him during his days with Iris, but in the past I focused on his life after her death as he becomes slightly deranged. She grows quite old and dies of natural causes and he tends to pretend that she didn’t, keeping her skeleton around and lovingly talking about his wife with his customers.

Iris is a very ambitious woman. She doesn’t have much of a history at this moment, but she runs her own business, fends for herself, and has developed some very powerful connections. People that know about her but don’t know her personally tend to call her a witch and a sorceress and sometimes she plays it up to scare kids away from the dangerous area that she’s located. She’s intelligent and very down to earth, growing an indoor garden with plenty of plants that have magical properties. 

She can be brash and spontaneous sometimes though. She’s had some close calls with death by picking the wrong fights and mixing the wrong ingredients while experimenting. She mellows out a bit when she has Stone to focus on, but she can disappear for weeks on end with only a last minute notice for him to take care of the shop while she runs her errand. There are a couple of times that she lets him tag along but he’s really not in his element with fast action and near death stunts so he stops asking and just wishes for her safety.

MISC is OCs that I’ve always had but have never really settled into their own world. I honestly have tons like this oh man. But these three are ones that show up a lot.

Cinnamon and Chowder are two gay gals I started drawing way back. They’re both alien pop stars who came to earth and no one knows they’re actually aliens. Cinnamon is much shyer than Chowder, self conscious of her height and general... everything, but Chowder is super supportive and smitten and protective. Cinnamon is an alien from a planet where her entire species “identifies” as male; its a toxic, hyper masculine planet and, when she met Chowder, her entire world kind of expanded and she decided to escape with her somewhere that they wouldn’t be found. They found earth and made their place in the fashion and music industry. 

I drew a comic for class once, where Cinnamon tells Chowder that she feels ugly, but like, she knows she doesn’t look ugly, but she feels the anxiety like an itch and can’t get over it. And Chowder’s like “Oh! Like a Kiwi right? See, they’re all fuzzy and brown and probably feel ugly? But look at how nice and bright and lovely they are inside!” and then they eat a kiwi together PFFF yea that’s the extent of how much development I’ve put into them.

Liko is my baby. He is a chinchilla hybrid human and was created purely for self indulgent things. His personality for the most part is mischievous and absolutely hates clothing. For how much I draw him, he is embarrassingly underdeveloped as a character. I began to think of him as a splicing experiment that escapes from a lab somewhere but not super deeply... Honestly, his purpose is art trades, requests, and commissions. He’s the only oc I usually ask for art of because I like his design haaah

AND YEA THOSE ARE MY BELOVED OCS i honestly love you if you read through all this or even a little, please talk to me about your own ocs !!! I’m more than happy to do OC art trades and bounce world talks anytime !!