#i left the heart in the last one not blurried on purpose

[tmpttion]

he’s just a guy 🫠

for @wonyoz​ ♡ 

bonus: idk what's going on in this one but the caption said fascinating and i agree

[onlyswan]

summary: in which jungkook misses you before he even leaves.

idol!jungkook x reader / angst, fluff / word count: 3.7k

content/warnings: they both cry, they’re so in love and anxious of being apart 🥲 pls somebody give my babies a box of tissue damn it!!! / making out :") might be one of my favs i’ve written heh cherry koo ily

> in which masterlist!

note: hi hiii this serves as a prologue kinda to the giving up drabbles <3 and as to not confuse the timeline, this one takes place in sept 2018 and the first giving up drabble june 2019 ^^ hehe reblogs/feedback are appreciated + as always i’d love to chat abt ur thoughts 🥺

—

“i’ll call you when i arrive at the dorm, baby. let’s pack the rest of my things together, hmm?”

you hum softly in agreement, hiding your face on jungkook’s chest so he won’t see you yawn.

you’re so adorable, he thinks to himself with a grin.

matching his outfits with you in preparation for his travels has always been one of the little ways you spend quality time together. yes, you will be physically apart for most of this year and the next… but if he just pushes that fact in the back of his mind for an hour or two so he can make you laugh with his purposely horrendous choices, he thinks he may be able to leave with a lighter heart.

one last kiss is granted to your forehead, and you nuzzle your cheeks against his warm hands to cherish every ounce of his touch you can manage to steal.

you peek from the small space of the door to smile at your lover, which he then returns rife with fondness. you wave and bid your silly bye bye’s to each other, and it’s you who ultimately closes the door despite the voice in your head bewailing its protests.

it creates a clicking sound as you push it all the way, and after that, the defeaning silence fills your apartment like a toxic gas that makes it impossible to breathe. with no other soul left to witness it, your walls involuntarily come crumbling down. your eyes become blurry with unshed tears, and they fall one by one, some getting caught by your eyelashes. they hang heavy until they inevitably roll down your cheeks, as if they’re desperate not to crash and break, as if they’re horrified of their fate towards doom… much like you are.

recognizing the sensation of your weak knees threatening to give way, you lean your forehead on the hardwood to relieve some of the weight burdening your shoulders.

your chores have piled up while you were recklessly spending every second you had left with your boyfriend. you have better things to do than to cry. however, you can’t control your face that contorts to express the pain of having your heart mercilessly squeezed in your chest, tighter and tighter as the distance between you and jungkook grows, and it will only continue to do so.

you wind up as a heap on the floor, an intricate collection of love yet to be given and shards of memories calamitous and beautiful, knees hugged to your chest as you weep.

you swore you wouldn’t do this. you fucking swore you wouldn’t do this to yourself.

since losing your family, you’ve been alone, trying to survive in this world like a leaf in the eye of a storm, carried by a raging river that travels to an unknown sea. you then promised that no matter how much you affection you’ve grown to have for someone, if there comes a time that they make you feel lonely (skin-on-skin or heart-to-heart), you will be the one to walk away first. even if it hurts, even if it leaves you empty inside. for one, you’ve never liked wasting your time. you know what you want and what you need— someone who will stay within reach. your day-to-day life is far too draining for you to find the energy to beg for love and attention… and for the love of god, there’s already too many people you wish were still by your side.

your friends have witnessed you annihilate hearts and egos, leaving behind a string of jaded lovers.

but jungkook, with his bunny-like smile and endless gestures of kindness… has somehow slithered his way into a space in your heart where no one has ever been.

the apartment feels too empty with him not around. he’s not knocking rhythmically at your door from the inside to announce his arrival. he’s not in the kitchen humming songs while chopping vegetables. he’s not in the shower yelling at you because you forgot that turning on the sink makes his water cold. he’s not in the living room watching a movie on your laptop. he’s not snuggled closely with you and snoring execessively by your ear.

it’s going to be like this for a while. it’s always going to be like this, you realize.

you’re so fucking lonely.

you’ve only gotten used to him being here, and now you need to re-learn what it’s like to be without him.

you’re forced to gasp for air as you sob uncontrollably, interrupted by occasional hiccups that make your body jolt. you taste the salt in your tears as they seep into the crevice between your lips, can feel them beginning to poison your skin.

you let jungkook come too close. he slept on your bed and he learned that you’re always cold. he enveloped you in the safety of his warm embrace and you couldn’t will yourself to leave after the first time. you’ve surrendered to him the control over your body, and also your heart, which you may be breaking alongside your rule but… walking away would mean forsaking yourself.

for the first time, you are crying not because of the absence of love, but the abundance of it. humans are essentially a collection of dead stars that are brought back to life when they are consumed by the electric ache of love and yearning. you are addicted to the antidote that is the touch of another body that burns the same.

you’re free falling.

if you were to choose the cause of your madness, you would choose this.

because for the first time, you are not cursing a name, but the universe and its twisted ways. in your one-bedroom apartment, you don’t feel small; your arrogance is as big as the sun that threatens to swallow the earth whole. the empty space on your bed is now in the shape of the man who loves you.

the back of your head hits the door, and you sigh at the new predicament that presents itself to you: the fluorescent lightbulb at your doorway is flickering as if to signal its impending death.

your bad vision begs you to look away.

it’s too high. it’s too high for you to reach. jungkook isn’t here anymore.

you bury your face in your hands, another wave of tears spilling over before you could get a hold of yourself. your cries are unapologetic; you sound like a little child who got their hair pulled at the playground.

you would much rather wait for him than find a solution. you want to bear the weight of him in every possible way there is. you want to have him in mind every time you flip the light switch, because you always seem to forget that it’s dying after a long day at school.

but for now, all you can do is sit on the floor and smell his perfume on your clothes as you wait for his call.

—

jungkook is still frozen on the driver’s seat, struck with a suspicion that he left something behind in your apartment, but he can’t figure out what else there is besides his heart in the palm of your hands.

he opens up every single compartment of his backpack, but he soon carelessly discards it at the backseat because he has no idea what it is he’s even looking for.

“what is it? what is it? what is it?” he mutters absentmindedly to himself, wide doe eyes still actively darting around the car as he mulls over what could possibly be missing. “am i an idiot? am i just making things up in my head?”

but he is leaving for tour after all, it would be a big headache if he forgets to bring something important.

something important such as…

proceeding with a final inspection, he starts patting around his body, from his chest down to the pockets of his sweatpants.

“ahhh-” he makes a noise of enlightenment when he discovers one of them to be completely empty.

it then becomes vivid in his mind— the memory of him lazily setting down his wallet on your study table before he crawled on your single-sized bed as if it’s his own.

“…shit. i need to go back.”

—

he has a smirk plastered on his face as he jogs his way up to your apartment floor. radiating with pure excitement unbeknownst to himself, he even begins to skip a step with every long stride he makes across the staircase.

thanks to his forgetfulness, he found an excuse to be with you for a few minutes more.

the fourth door straight ahead, he still remembers chanting in his head the first time he visited your building on his own.

he stands before it with the intention to surprise you, but ironically, he is the one who ends up freezing in place. your muffled sobs escape through the narrow cracks of the door, and his hand slowly slips away from the handle until it drops back to his side. his vision becomes unfocused, mind going blank, only registering the shortness of his breath and the powerful punch to his gut.

that sweet, heart-fluttering smile that comforted him must’ve killed you inside.

—

“i won’t forget to call after every show.”

“that does sound nice but…” you scrunch your nose cutely. “i won’t be upset, if that’s what you’re worried about. go straight to sleep when you’re exhausted. i know you won’t have much time to rest.”

“please! you can watch me sleep too.” he pouts. “you know i always make it work. while i eat, while i shower! that won’t change. i need to see you and gain strength… or else i seriously think i won’t survive this one.”

and jungkook hopes that he’s not too much of a burden for loving you.

although, you did tell him once in passing— that anyone can be passionate, but not everyone will bravely go on stage every night to showcase those passions, even if it means testing the very limits of the human body.

“i can’t allow that to happen, can i?” you click your tongue, copying the angry frown of your boyfriend, who you find so, so, so cool.

his features soften after you pinch his soft cheek.

“your hyungs might kill me if i make their little one mope around missing me too much.”

“w-what do you mean?” he becomes flushed with embarrassment. “what kind of things do they tell you?!”

“nothing much.” your eyes shine with a glint of faux innocence. “when we were trainees, jungkook did this… since meeting you, he’s gotten more stubborn… can you tell him to wake up earlier if he plans on showering for an hour? you know, just things like that.”

“aish! jimin-hyung!” he releases a deep sigh to express his exasperation, knitted forehead not doing much to diminish the roundness of his eyes. “i bet one of them is jimin-hyung! i’m right, aren’t i? you- you’re getting too close with him! i can’t allow this- really, i- ah! no! no!”

the burst of laughter that fills the room only confirms his suspicion. you roll over on the bed to cover your face, half of your body collapsing on top of his, and you clutch your aching belly when he begins to aggressively shake you in a joking manner.

“listen, you can’t become best friends! you hear me? don’t! my secrets… what’s going to happen to them? who else can i tell them to?!”

immediately recognizing his poor choice of words once they have left his mouth, jungkook purses his lips in regret, and it’s his turn to feel his lungs burn from the lack of oxygen.

“oh, really?” you slowly sit up as you stare at him with raised eyebrows. “and what kind of secrets do you need to keep from me? huh?”

he doesn’t waste a second to reply, scrambling as to not leave any space for you to formulate more doubts in your head.

“nothing! nothing, baby!” he flashes a dreamy smile in return to your sharp glare. he gently cups the back of your head to pull you back closer, puckering his lips as he tries to meet you halfway. “come here- give me a kiss.”

you ignore his advances, moving away from him with a scoff you don’t even bother to hide. the annoyance bubbling up inside of you feels irrational, and yet you can’t stop it from controlling your body language.

his jaw slacks in disappointment. he despises being denied affection, more importantly, a kiss meant to be shared with you.

“are you mad?”

you turn your back against him, scooting closer to the edge of the bed, but jungkook doesn’t waste time in chasing after you.

“baby!” he whines, seizing your arm and tightly embracing you from the side before you can escape. “i was just joking- i promise- i swear. you’re even the first person i share my secrets with nowadays!”

you sigh in defeat, eyes fluttering shut as you allow him to caress your face and pepper your cheek with loving kisses. loud, and slightly wet, which you used to not be fond of when it came to the lovers you had before, but as for jungkook and his dewy lips, you weirdly don’t seem to mind.

“please don’t be mad.” he coos lightheartedly before ducking his head to press his lips against yours. “i don’t want us to fight before i go.”

“i’m not mad.” your reply is quiet, and it drips with hesitance. “i just don’t want to think about you having secrets while you’re away.”

you turn to communicate directly with his eyes. if you feel sick to your stomach imagining him as a person you’d never have the grace to forgive, you don’t show it.

“you understand where i’m coming from, right?”

he meekly nods.

this is another reason why he is eager to spend all his free time with you, albeit through a screen smaller than the palm of his hand, and perhaps buy you trinkets from every city that welcomes him because everything reminds him of you. he wants to give you the reassurance that he doesn’t have any plans on doing something that may hurt you. this will be excruciating, he knows, but it is also a chance to prove himself as a boyfriend worthy of your tears and sacrifices. this can’t end before it begins. he doesn’t think he’d be able to bear that. he just celebrated his first birthday with you. it hasn’t been long since you uttered the three words he’s been anxiously waiting to hear.

“i love you. please give me your trust for now… i won’t waste it. you’ll see, at the end of this, we’ll be stronger. i promise i won’t forget my responsibilities as your partner even if we’re physically apart.”

he tenderly strokes your hair, eyes filled with galaxies memorizing every inch of your face. he’s scared, too. he’s scared that he’s overestimating himself. too ambitious, too greedy for wanting both the world and the most beautiful person he has ever seen in it to love him. he’s scared of getting too exhausted. he’s scared that you won’t be there anymore when he opens his eyes.

“i will probably mope around, though, missing you too much…” he pauses, then he makes up his mind.

him getting more stubborn since he met you— it might just have some truth to it that he’s too sheepish to say out loud, especially if his members were around to hear it.

“yes, i will seriously be a handful.” he nods to himself. “so i’m already apologizing early.”

“what are those responsibilities exactly?”

“to show you that i love you!” he exclaims in a tone that screams obviously. “to make you happy, to keep you safe… to stay committed to you- yah, you already know these things!”

but still, it’s nice to hear him say it. this bed of roses is a bed of thorns; he has chosen to sleep on it with you.

you giggle heartily at the sight of his face getting flushed. “you’ve been doing a great job then, baby.”

the praise causes his doe eyes to sparkle with glee. “really?”

“really!” his heart skips a beat when you softly cup his face in your hands, wearing that kind smile he can’t help but fall in love with over and over again. “don’t worry, i won’t let you miss me too much. i have my share of the responsibilities too.”

—

he swallows the lump in his throat, shakily sitting on the floor with his back against the door. he doesn’t know how long he stays there. he only knows that it’s near sunrise because the lights across the hallways have gone out one by one.

with an elbow resting on top of his knee, he fiddles with the laces of his shoe with no rhythm or rhyme— silently crying with you, clueless as to what he should do. he didn’t learn about this in school, nor during dance practices. no one teaches you what to do when you hurt a person you love but there’s no fault to fix and apologize for.

every now and then, a tenant passes by, and he is overwhelmed with the urge to scream at them to fuck off and mind their own business.

adding to his frustration is his phone, which has been vibrating with calls and text messages. he only spares them a dismissive glance before clicking the off button. yes, he fucking knows it’s already 5am. yes, he’s still with his baby. however, he is forced to send a reply to his manager when asked if they could finish packing his luggages for him to save time. no. no, no, no.

on the other side of the door, the pitter-patter of mechanical rain tickles your ears. your nimble fingers doesn’t cease on tapping on the keyboard even as your eyes stray to the contact name above the conversation, just to make sure that it’s your boyfriend you’re texting.

to: my jungkook

babyyy the sun is about to rise

so i’m not sleepy anymore :(

you're not home yet?

wait. if you're still driving just reply later

be a good driver before a good bf for now ☺️

ohoh i don’t mind if you don't have time to call anymore. just text me rq before you take off pleaseee so i know you're safe and sound

and after the flight ofc!! 😭

i love you! ❤️

seconds later, a pounding at the door makes your body jolt in shock. you carelessly rush to stand up, the safety measure of looking through the peephole not even crossing your mind before you swing it open.

jungkook stuns you with his presence, chest heaving with every breath as he studies you in a fog of haze. your messy hair perfectly frames your pretty face. your parted lips are raw from the crime of your sharp teeth forcibly putting an end to your crying. your eyes are still damp with tears, and they shine every time the warm light hanging above your head flickers.

if you could only read his mind, you won’t have to worry about him wanting anybody else.

once again, he finds himself helplessly infatuated. why do you have to look utterly bewitching even when you cry? fuck, and your texts… how did he get so lucky? you fuel something carnal inside of him that he has difficulty putting into words.

and so, he allows his actions to speak for himself.

“jungk-” his name is interrupted with a high-pitched whimper caught in your throat. your trembling hands desperately grasp the sides of his hoodie as you stumble backwards, struggling to recriprocate the unrestrained fervour of his kisses.

he’s out of control. he has never kissed you like this before. you don’t know if he doesn’t feel your weak fists punching his chest or he just doesn’t care. you feel dizzy… dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

you’re confused why he’s still standing at your doorway. you’re terrified of losing your balance. you’re crushing a pair of sneakers underneath the soles of your feet and it hurts. but his fingers are tightly tangled with your hair, the others playing a saccharine hymn along the keys of your spine, and for the pleasure he gives, you can endure to live with the pain.

the familiar taste of mint on his tongue is far too addictive for you not to indulge. you can’t stop craving for more of it, more of him, and you let your lungs burn.

but soon it mixes with the salt in his tears as his emotions crash on the shore like a tsunami. the seal of your lips is broken by a quiet sob, and in shame, he ends the kiss to bury his face in the crook of your neck.

“____, what do i do? i don’t want to leave.”

your heart shatters into pieces as he sniffles, voice cracking as he musters up the courage to confess to you in between.

“jungkook…”

the words of sincerity feel heavy on his tongue. he’s never been good at this; always relied on his ability to feel. in spite of that, he wants to bare all of himself to you, and he prays that you believe him when he says- “i can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”

“so don’t. you don’t have to think about things like that.” you sigh as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, subtly swaying your bodies to soothe him. “come on, love. why are you crying…? you know where to find me, don’t you?”

you feel him nod before he mumbles pensively. “here… or school, or the restobar.”

“that’s right.” you chuckle. “just don’t lose your key. i’m not going anywhere.”

but he fears it’s his goddamn mind he might just lose. he squeezes his eyes shut, embracing you tighter as he counts the seconds in his head. he will let go after thirty, then perhaps he will stay for another ten.

in another lifetime, jungkook wishes that he could tell you the same.

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[shadesoflsk]

WILL YOU BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS?

pairing: Leon S. Kennedy x gn!reader

summary: It's going to be Leon's first Christmas without you. He promised you he would get over your death. But how is he planning to do it if the ghost of you keeps haunting him?

warnings: Character’s death, (reader) angst, hurt/no comfort, self-destructing behaviour, alcohol, mentions of religion, Leon speaks with reader.

author's note: I took the liberty to switch the order of my Christmas' special fics, I decided to post this one first since I liked it a lot. I would even say it’s my favorite one so far. Grief is such an interesting topic to write about, so I hope I did a great job! The dialogue part was lowkey (highkey) inspired by one scene from the Crown, season 6. The one where Carlos talked with Diana’s spirit. 

It’s 11:45 pm or so Leon believes. Time seems to slow down when night engulfs his apartment, and he is let alone with his own demons. He would be in pitch darkness if it wasn’t from the fact that his neighbor had decided to turn on the Christmas tree lights that reached through Leon’s windows. Faint carols could be heard, and it was a dreadful reminder of what date it was. 

He is trying, he really is. He drowns in his job that is slowly but surely killing him. Mission after mission, he keeps attempting to mess up — with no avail — since life is cruel enough to keep him alive, to continue watching his sins materialize in sorrow and depressive states. 

During the latter, he would often forget or purposely avoid taking care of himself. When was the last time he ate a full meal? He doesn’t nor wants to remember. His apartment was starting to reek of alcohol and rotten food that Claire has so gratefully left. She would often try striking up some conversation, which was welcomed with an awkward but expected silence. He was never the talkative one. On numerous occasions, he was reprimanded by you for this same topic. So, in the past, he decided to stick with a one-liner — that sometimes brought him unnecessary attention — the dinner one. Your laugh would fill his ears as he told you about the multiple times where people thought he was flirting with them. If you were here, could he make you laugh like that again? Or would you be disgusted by the man he has become these last weeks?

Besides his own memory serving as the place where your face and mannerisms would replay all over again, where are you now? He once heard that a soul is destined to be reborn into a new life. Life is cyclical, the sun rises and sets, the day and night come, but they never meet. He wouldn’t be surprised if you’re a lilly now. The pureness in your heart resembled one of those delicate flowers that your eyes seemed to follow each time you passed through a flower shop. Or maybe you’re someone’s baby being born. Bringing happiness to a family that prayed all night long for a miracle to happen. 

His mind wandered through the blurry moments when he was young. Prayers and cries surrounding a well illuminated place where many statues were presented. He used to fear one specifically, but the gentle touch of his mom would pull him closer to it. In his memory, he looked up to see the person who gave him life, yet he was met with a diffuse image of her. He has long forgotten the looks of his mother. 

In those moments, he often wondered what heaven felt like. He grasps on the last string of memories he had with his parents. How his mother would pull him to her lap and read to him. “Our God loves us so much that he has granted us a place to go when the time is right,” she would say, the term of death was so foreign to his little self but once again he remembers those prayers and promises. Is heaven the clear sky and peaceful home the Bible describes? Or is it a nonexistent place that Christians invented to cope with the fact that a loved one is no longer with them? He hopes it’s the first one since he wants to indulge in that little wish of him — that at least in the afterlife — you found peace. 

How is heaven? He wanted to ask you. Conversations with you used to flow so easily, so right. So, when the time comes he expects to hear every little rambling about your early trip to this called “everlasting paradise”. Is it raining right now? You loved rainy days, since it meant that both of you could cuddle while watching a movie. Or is it snowing since it’s Christmas?  He could almost hear you, your voice echoing in the deepest places of his mind telling him to stop trying to open the gifts. You were supposed to be next to him right now, waiting for Christmas to come.

He is in denial, two weeks ago he had you safely tucked in his arms, already planning what to do on Christmas. He still had your gift somewhere, hidden from your prying eyes even though you kept scolding him for that. Both of you were soulmates, two sides of the same coin. 

Now, he only had the ghost of you haunting him. Mocking him for not being able to protect you. He was hyper aware of every little detail his apartment provided. From the way he hasn’t moved your used mug on the dishwasher, because he feels that it was the last thing your lips touched. A bittersweet memory of your existence in this cruel world, to your book that you didn’t finish. You kept telling him that you were dying to know the ending but you couldn’t finish it before it was too late. If he reads it and prays to God, would he be generous enough to tell you the ending? 

He wouldn’t.

Every night he prayed to God, begged him to switch places with you even though it was an unrealistic thing to ask. But that’s what he wants right now. “It should’ve been me.” But that wish never becomes a reality. He wakes up, night after night, being him and being alone. God doesn’t hear him, he believes that this made up character just blatantly hates him. The forgiving, the loving and almighty God as his followers describe him, just doesn’t match up with his own criteria. A loving God wouldn’t have taken away his only reason to live.

The content in his Jack Daniel’s now does little to numb the pain he was feeling. With a sigh, he drank a bit more, straight from the bottle as the burning sensation traveled from his tongue to his throat. If he drinks enough until he passes out, he could imagine you. Moving across the kitchen with agile steps as you cook his favorite food.

Those moments were the ones he thinks he should've embraced more. Your quirks and habits. How you usually left traces of yourself in his apartment. How you always missed a spot when cleaning the counter and how you always kissed his forehead when placing the plate down on the table. 

Now, it's a bitter reminder of his own loneliness. His eyebrows twitched as the Christmas carols seemed to get louder. The clock reads 11:50 pm, ten minutes to Christmas. Even with the thick snow, the chants of kids being too stubborn to fall asleep were loud enough to fill Leon's ears. He hates living in this neighborhood filled with happy families.

You had a wide and warm smile when you showed Leon this same apartment he's currently rotting in. “It will be perfect once we have a family,” he remembers word by word what you said and he also remembers how you stumbled on your words once you saw the quizzical look he gave you. “I mean we could just have a dog or a cat if you want that. After all, family is where you are.”

Always the damn perfect partner. Always the stupid understanding other half. Why the hell did you even appear in his life if you were gonna die? Everyone else mourned your death but now they are moving on, yet Leon is staying in a never ending loop. Was it your plan? Are you fucking happy in heaven?

For once, he feels all the anger he’s been bottling up. His fists clenched as his breaths grew heavier. He throws the bottle against the wall. The contents spilling all over the floor as the bottle shattered in multiple pieces. He stared at the mess he’s done. His shaking hands grabbed handfuls of his own hair as he tried his best to compose himself. His mind repeating that you would be disappointed over and over again. 

Icy blue eyes started to get clouded by tears he refused to let go. The palm of his hand almost bled by his own nails digging into the thin skin. The regrets and what ifs were the perfect combination for Leon’s wish of dying albeit the fact of his own self deprecating being who believed he deserved to live this hell of a life alone. 

As he managed to keep his tears at bay for now, his eyes lingered on your designated seat at the table. You would always sit at his right, next to him, sometimes holding his hand, forcing him to eat his food with his left one. Now, his hand is cold without your touch. Which reminds him of your body and the last time he held you. Your heart no longer beat and your body was a freezing cruel realization of your death. 

“I was never good with emotions…” Leon’s voice came out as a groan. He had finally spoken after God knows how long. His own throat was constricted by the lump that was forming. He was denying himself the right to be raw, to be human. “You were the one who was better at everything… not me.” Leon swallows his own saliva, an attempt to stop the imminent lump. 

“I guess I was.” A melodic voice which was no more than a whisper filled Leon’s intoxicated ears. He looks at the empty seat next to him and sees nothing. It may be his own mind playing dirty tricks on him. Everything was blurred and dizzy from all the booze he had drunk. But nonetheless, he wouldn’t miss this opportunity, even if you were a creation of his own messed up mind. 

“I’ll take every little moment with me.” The voice was painfully comforting, a soothing lullaby to Leon’s broken beyond repair heart, a gentle breeze that surrounded his body. “The hugs, the kisses, our little trips to the beach and even the fights when none of us could go to bed without saying sorry.” 

A laugh as soft as a draft lingered in the air. The reality behind those words made Leon feel like he was going crazy. He blames the alcohol and the lack of social interactions for this moment. But your bubbly personality was unmistakable. That sweet and tooth- roothing laugh was — at least to Leon — proof that maybe, just maybe, God allowed him to grasp on you one last time.

Or maybe God allowed you to pay him a visit. Neither of you were religious people, but you were closer to heaven that he’ll ever be. So, maybe that pure and wholesome smile blinded God, and you escaped, true to your rebellious nature. Your death turned him into a sappy man. He has always loved you, but the tragic destiny you met made him see you in an even better light. 

“You know I loved you so much…” The voice turned sour and sad, so out of character for you. Well… if it’s you. Even in your last days, you tried to be that thoughtful partner, pushing away every worry out of his mind even though you were slowly withering away. The words slightly trembled, albeit the raw honesty that was being said. Silence set as if the owner of the voice was attempting not to cry. 

“So deeply…” The hushed voice seemed to get even quieter as the course of its words dug deeper in Leon’s heart making it bleed harder than ever. His hand itches to reach where he thinks you are, as if you could materialize from thin air and give him one last hug. One last farewell.

“Please, stop blaming yourself for this. This wasn’t your fault.” Yes, it was. Leon wanted to tell you that. You planted seeds of hope in his heart even when he felt the world was too corrupted to be home for someone as splendid as you. The sense of your living left him chasing footsteps and shadows in order to meet you again.

And as a moth to a flame, he followed you. The chemicals in his brain working overtime to hear the gentle ring of your voice as long as you keep talking. It doesn’t matter if this behavior could put him at a psych after. Talking with ghosts? That can’t happen, yet his love for you seems to break the rules between life and the realms of the afterlife.

“You weren’t supposed to go so soon…” Leon’s voice fills the dim room, engaging in conversation, the tears that he was previously fighting off were at the verge of falling from his eyes. But as a stubborn man, he wouldn’t show weakness and vulnerability, even in a moment like this. “I know nothing good lasts long in my life but —” a choke left his lips as the lump is now growing impossible to hold back. “What kind of twisted sin am I paying off? I can’t live a life without you, I simply can’t.”

“I wasn’t done with you, I wasn’t done with our life. I wanted to adopt that dog we saw at the shelter. Do you remember? I wanted to take you to Italy because you once told me you wanted to try a real pizza.” A shaky breath cuts off Leon’s speech before he continues, his slurred words stumbling one another as if he knew he was running out of time. “I wanted to grow old with you, I wanted to be the first person to notice the gray hair appearing in you. The first wrinkles in your face, which I’m sure would have looked amazing in you darling, you were always perfect. I wanted to help you stand up when your legs couldn’t carry the weight of your body. I wanted —”

“Leon.”

“I wanted to at least spend one last Christmas with you.”

He finishes off with one last wish. One last desire he had hid in his mind for a while now. He knew everything had ended, but right now, he wanted to hear you one last time. He wanted to hear an "I love you" from you.

And there it was… the last thing he wanted to hear. Nothing. 

As soon as the deadly silence filled the room again, uncontrollable tears streamed down his face. Leon bent forward, his forehead hitting against the hard material of the table, letting out all of his repressed emotions. In the midst of his despair and hatred, he cried not only for you and the fact that he failed to protect you. Each drop carried the weight of every life that was lost under his watch, each one of those bright eyed agents who were looking forward to working with him, and only found death in their paths.

What has he done wrong to deserve this terrible but inevitable outcome? He’s beyond tired, beyond hopeless. In his rage, he could only blame the world. 

God, why have you forsaken me? 

He stays there for a while, drowning in his own tears. As reality once again sets in. Deep down, he knew this would be the last time. The universe granted him (or cursed him) by allowing him to hear you one last time. Hear the tender tone of your voice calling his name like you used to do. And maybe he should take that with him just like you did. 

Everyone dies, so will he. There will be a time when God takes pity on him and allows him to meet you once again. Once the time comes and he's sent to the place where you are, he will tell you about the book’s ending. He will tell you about every mission he will get in the still unknown future. He will tell how much he missed you and how much he loved your presence, even if it was just the blink of an eye. He doesn’t know what else he will tell you, but he’s going to make sure to have a list before parting from this world — in a long, far future.

He had enjoyed meeting and being with you. And if somehow God gives him another chance, he would choose you over and over again.

The sweet carols have grown faint and not even the innocent chants of those children filled Leon’s empty and dark living room. It’s already christmas.

[yanderederee]

Aftermath…

July 21st, 2004

..T….nt…amitt….damnit…damn…damnit..daMniT DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT

Chifuyu didn’t have the heart to stop him. Chifuyu has always been the one to rest a hand on Baji’s shoulder and stop him when he was being reckless.

However, this time, if Chifuyu were to even try to touch Baji, there was a guarantee that same arm would get bent.

Chifuyu couldn’t stop Baji’s assault on the subway tiles. “Damnit!!” Baji screamed once again. It was amazing how his voice hadn’t given up, going at this same pace for almost 11 hours now.

“Damnit!!” Baji yelled, finally losing vigor. Chifuyu ran to his side, helping his captain to his knees when he couldn’t take the overwhelming dig in his chest.

Baji was a victim too. He’d been forced into things no man ever should have to experience. Let alone a 13 year old kid, with what felt like the weight of the world on his back.

Baji couldn’t control the sobs that took him over in violent tremors. Chifuyu held Baji’s weak form, while they began to cry together.

“Damnit… I ..” Baji croaked out. Chifuyu held on tight, coursing his friend to talk.

Please, just talk to me. I know I can’t help. But please. Let me hurt for you.

“I couldn’t… I tried…” he sighed, blurry vision making out the wrappings on his arms, meant to heal the cuts and burns underneath. The blood that still stained them, because he kept opening the damn things wide open. Chifuyu doesn’t think it’s on purpose. Baji knows it is.

“Why… why does shit like this happen, to good fucking people!” Baji’s rage was slowly on the incline again. His temper may have been bad before, but the severe concussion and trauma he’d been forced to endure, he was uncontrollable.

“She didn’t do anything! Stayed out of toman, never skipped her dumb fucking curfew… S-she…” he bawled. Rage gave way to pain once again, and Chifuyu shook when he held tighter.

Baji almost whispered what came next, sending shivers down Chifuyu’s back.

“I couldn’t understand it before.. wanting to kill someone so badly. So seriously…” he evened out his tone and became stone. “But damnit..Chifuyu-“ he tried to keep the tough face, but as if immediately being brought back to earth, his walls crumbled all over again.

“None of it’s her fault, you’re right.” Chifuyu agreed, quickly following up. “We know who’s to blamed Baji. It’s okay.”

“We’ll get out revenge.”

It had only been two weeks since Toman and Yotsuya Kaiden fought .

…

July 11th, 2004

“…. I thought… we’d get …the chance…” you said softly, between hiccups you held back so harshly. “I had.. so much planned for…”

It was Tanabata after all. And it was long ruined.

“… I know.” Baji spoke into your hair. Ever since muscle in his body was sore, and shaking. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, cradling your head with his one good arm.

“Don’t worry baby, the gods will hear your prayers. I promise you that every god who ..” he paused, pulling away, and firmly cradling with all the softness there was left in him. “I promise, I will make the gods and humans alike, who let this happen. I will ..”

“I’ll make sure that every single one of your wishes come true.” He nuzzled his forehead against yours, uncontrollably letting tears flood past.

You could see Baji’s pupils become uneven, eyelids blinking over and over.. he was going to lose conciousness. “Baji-”

“Keisuke.” His voice broke once, hurt at the usage of his last name. “Pl..lease..” he closing his eyes when he held back a sob. “Please let me still be your Kei.”

…

Baji passed out immediately after those words, sobs racking him in and out of slumber, even still.

There was nothing more you wished to do than to cradle his broken form into you. It was so natural to follow those urges ever since you two agreed on dating.

But you couldn’t disturb him with the equally violent panic attacks what ripped through you without warning.

Nauseous, you felt hands wondering areas they never should have. Disgusted, scared—- you fell out of the hospital bed trying so hard to make it to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Chifuyu is stunned into tears when he finds your unconscious form collapsed on the floor, a pool of vomit only feet away.

“Oh god,” stunned when obversing the scene in front of him, he was horrified to actually catch your flickering gaze. Very in and out of consciousness. “Y/n, hey, it’s okay.” Chifuyu encouraged. He sat you up, and folded your knees under his grip, gently carrying you around the accidently and into the bathroom.

“Here,” he sat you by the toilet, discarding his hoodie, and rolled up his sleeves. “Only think about staying sat up against the wall.” He instructed, laying the back of his hand over your forehead.

“Doing great,” he smiled at you brilliantly when you managed to keep his gaze for longer than three seconds. “Take your tim-” he started, until another violent wave of nausea keeled you over the edge of the toilet suddenly.

Holding back a pitiful string of tears, Chifuyu bit his lip and pulled strands of hair from your face. “Let it out,” he kept going, adding considerable pressure into the small circles he rubbed into your back.

Chifuyu sat with you as you lethargically came back in and out of conciousness. Crying some seconds about how awful everything felt, dozing off peacefully into his chest, to worrying about Baji. This cycle repeated from the morning when he first came to check on you, til the nurses released him of his role, and shooed him out. He made sure they kept his hoodie for you to hold onto. Just in case.

“Why didn’t you call for a nurse earlier dumbass?!” Baji kicked Chifuyu’s waiting room chair harshly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it!” Chifuyu admitted bashful. “I just.. I couldn’t leave.” He shrugged, painfully.

“You’re a good guy, Chifuyu…” Baji said, his head felt like it was spinning while he cradled into his busted hands. “Thank you.. for staying by her.”

“I’m sticking by you too, yaknow.” Chifuyu shoved Baji softly. Baji gave Chifuyu a look over, before smiling. “Thanks…”

Baji would absolutely never in a million’s years admit just how terribly he was struggling. But being a good person, he couldn’t hide it for shit. Not this time.

“‘Kids just go round hitting eachother over the side of the hair for fun these days?”

…

“I just can’t believe the things these kids are getting themselves into anymore!”

…

“Ms Baji, this is serious.. he’s looking at a 3 month healing window, just from a glance…”

…

So much annoying chatter. His head was splitting open so damn bad, he honestly couldn’t really remember any for the next few days, if you’d asked him. Just a few core memories to get by.

He felt pathetic, the dizzy spells that took him down, out from his own feet. He was almost thankful that school was finally out for the semester, since remembering anything was difficult, but above all else, Nothing. Felt. Normal.

While recovering, there were so many times he would excuse himself to hide into a bathroom stall, and let whatever uncontrollable urge take over.

He felt so unlike himself at every given opportunity, uncomfortable in the way his friends and family alike would look at him.

Don’t look at me like that.

He wanted to snap back. And unfortunately, he did.

His sense of irritability spiking and diminishing quicker than a conversation could be held.

He’d get frustrated at the littlest of mistakes.

Baji couldn’t stand the look of pity everyone gave him when he slipped or slurred a word.

Yet, out of every person, he made dead honest effort to push pash every single symptom down, if only for a few minutes or hours.

Just to enjoy the feeling of comforting you.

Baji cries alone to himself more than ever, but he made, forced you into pinky promising him that should you ever, ever, ever, need him ever, for any reason. He would escape his hospital room and force his way into yours.

To be here with you, now. It’s past midnight, quiet and dark, easy on his dissipating headache. Baji heard you wake up with a gurgled, terrified scream.

The same scream that ripped him wide open in the first place.

Bolted, Baji came to witness your sweat stained hospital gown clinging to you while you were gathering your bearings, upright in the bed and panting, hyperventilating.

You held eachother the entire night, sharing sniffles, and tighter squeezes.

“How are you feeling?” You asked him, leaning against his chest, while he lay his back in your hospital bed.

“Nothin’ to worry about,” he gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m already halfway healed.”

You stare into him deeper, and knowing you were about to call his bluff, he looked away and chuckled. “Yeah, I’m hangin in there.” He answered honestly.

“But.. I’m seriously more worried about you,” he gently touched, his bad arm tucked into your side as you carefully considered it while cuddling into him closer.

As bad of a liar as you may be to him, you always made sure to wear this obvious mask of serenity. You rolled your eyes, as though being used to hearing this now.

“I’m not going to force it out of you,” Baji rested his forehead against the dip of your temple. “I have no idea what kind of things go on inside your head. Wish I did,” he chuckled shifting to kiss your cheekbone. “… you’re smart. I trust you…” he shifted your absent gaze, dewing up when he made deep eye contact.

“I trust you to talk to me,” he whispered again. “I’ll be anything you need, forever.”

“So when you’re ready, I’m here…”

[cottondo]

BLACK LACE | chapter 8

I've been waiting since

last March to post this chapter

ongkfjfnfm

y'all— I really hope you

go feral for it

LEMME SEE THEM

COMMENTS BBYS

BLOW IT UPPP

_________________

 

 

All you could remember was the bright lights, fizzy alcohol, and pole dancing. You'd been up on stage, set in a small party room. The neon lights were glowing purple, and the music was loud, bass pounding into your feet as you danced up and around the pole.

You two were good at what you did. You knew how to work together well, and did your jobs without much complaining.

Man. That was one hell of a party!

 

As the fog fills your brain, your eyes open with a harsh flutter. The room was trashed, and dark, purple lights are dim and glowing. It reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. You let out a soft groan, feeling the pounding of aches filling your head and eyes.

Why the hell are you still here?

Slowly, you sit up, taking a quick scan around the room. Your brows furrow. What the actual fuck happened last night?

Your hand raises to wipe your eyes of tiredness, but there's a weight pulling it down. Something soft was clung around your wrist. You frown, turning your blurry vision to see whatever it was that's stuck to you.

Heart shaped handcuffs.

FUZZY, heart shaped handcuffs.

Your stomach sinks, and your eyes follow the chain up to the arm connected to the other side; all the way until it reaches a familiar face.

Beside you, is a passed out Fizzarolli. Parts of his jester clothing are ripped off, leaving just his normal shirt, striped pants and hat; the ruffle collar laying somewhere on the floor ahead of you.

Your stomach sunk. Oh shit, shit, shit.

You were cold, and that was saying something, in hell. Looking down, you notice that you were still in your stripper fit from last night. The floor was marble tile, so it made sense that it was chilly against your bare skin.

"Oh, fuck." You mumble, gathering your head together. You pry at the cuffling, and try to wriggle your wrist out of it, but literally to no use.

Your eyes flick over to Fizz's seemingly lifeless body on the floor beside you.

This was bad, right?

Being at Ozzie's overnight without a purpose could have you kicked out.

But, why was a part of you not as freaked out as you maybe should be?

"Fizz, wake up." Your hand shoves his shoulder.

His head lifts slowly, body starting to come more to life as he looks at you through heavy, tired eyes. A groan escapes his lips, and he sits up holding his head. "What the—" catching his eyes gaze over your revealing body once, you frown as he stretches himself out.

"Holy shit." He says, eyes trying to focus on the room. It was destroyed. "Where'd the party go?" He frowns.

"I think it's over," you inform him.

Obviously, it was over. You two were the only ones left in the room!

"—And, we have a problem." You yank your wrist, causing his arm to tug along with yours. His eyes peer down, then widen at the sight. "What the fuck."

Fizz looks at your wrists with wide eyes before trying to yank his hand free. It was no use, but he kept tugging and ripping his wired arms as much as he could, before realizing it wasn't coming off. "Come on!" His chest started heaving in anxiety, and soon enough, Fizz looked like he was having a full fledged panic attack. "W-Why isn't it coming off?!"

You frown over at him, sitting up a little. "Calm down!"

"I can't get it off!" Fizz yells back in distress, using his free hand to try and yank the cuff apart. It wasn't goin' to happen.

"Okay, but you need to relax! It's gonna be okay," you tried to assure him. Truth was, you didn't know how these were coming off the both of you, but you'd find a way. Eventually.

He frowns, slowing down the breathing pace he had going. "Is it? Who the hell did this to us! Why can't I remember anything?!"

"I don't know, but they're just hand cuffs, Fizz." You look over at him softly, keeping your composure. Apparently he was bad under pressure. "We're gonna be fine. Start looking for a key." you say. He didn't look too convinced that things would turn up.

You fumble around, squinting through the irritating neon glow of the room. It was hard to see anything, as everything was black and purple from the lights.

"If anybody sees us like this, I could get into allot of trouble!" He glares through the purple haze, eyes searching the floor. "The publicity we'd get, would be ridiculous. We can't get caught!"

That kind of hurt, to be honest.

This was like a fantasy come true for you, and he was over there flipping out about it.

"Don't worry; I won't let anybody see me with you." You reply in a bit of a stinging, sour, kind of way.

He glances away with an awkward frown and retracts his arm so that he could walk around the room.

"I can't see anything. I don't think it's in here." He huffs, turning his nose to the floor to see around.

You're starting to think he's right. You didn't find much else but cigarette butts, needles, and liquor shot bottles.

"Fuck. Well, now what?" You lean your back against the wall with a little sigh up at him.

Fizz towers over you, an arm on his hip with a frown. "We're gonna have to sneak out, and find someone who can cut this off."

Fizzarolli looks away with a tense expression, causing sone curiosity to enter your brain.

"What?" You question his appearance.

He sighs heavily, rolling his eyes. "I know a guy . . but he's not exactly the guy I wanna go visit."

You frown a bit, tilting your head. "Who is it?"

He sits down beside you and looks away with a tired expression. His hands rest on top of his knees, wrist pulling your side of the cuff a bit.

"His name's Blitzo. We have a . . past, together. We just started making things right- - but, I don't know, I don't think I can ask him." He quickly shakes his head of the thoughts, and waves off the possibilities.

You lean towards him, eyes all curious. "Well, it's either him, or you're stuck with me at your side." Your shoulders shrug a bit, wavering the options he has in his face.

Obviously he didn't like either choice, but you knew he'd have to pick one.

"Y'know, I'm starting to think maybe you aren't so bad." Fizz lightly teases, giving you the faintest of smiles a jester shouldn't have.

That still didn't make you feel like any less of a nuisance to him, but you nod along anyway. "Then we better get moving." You stand, unintentionally jerking his arm upward to pull along with you.

Fizz stands, following you along, and picking up his dismantled jester collar in the process.

The two of you sneak up to the door, cracking it open. The hallway was quiet, lights still on.

It had to have been early morning, right?

Hopefully nobody was still in the building working; for Fizzarolli's sake.

You feel a light shove from behind, as fizz guides your figure forward to get moving.

"This way," he nudges his head, leading you down the hallway.

"We can take the back exit- - hopefully nobody's on the cleaning shift." He whispers to you.

You don't really understand why he hated the idea of publicity finding out that the two of you were stuck together, but you just try to ignore it.

Even if the thoughts are screaming in the back of your head that he doesn't really like you like you thought he maybe was starting to. Maybe it really was just all part of the show and alcohol last night.

You accidentally bump into him when he came to a quick halt— earning a narrow eyed look of worry from the jester in result. He holds a hand up to keep you from passing, and the two of you crouch around the corner of a hall.

You frown, trying to see what was up ahead.

Two voices came closer, bantering and gossiping as they strolled down the hall.

Security.

Shit.

You tug fizz backwards to the small broom closet on your left. He opens the door, and shoves you in it, his figure slipping in behind you. The sound of his bells alert the two demons that strolled the halls, but once you closed the door to the closet, it was like you were never there.

It was cramped. Your back was against the wall, his body practically pushed up against yours. Hopefully he couldn't feel the pounding of your heart against his chest.

"What the hell was that?"

"The fuck are are you talking about?"

"I thought I heard something. Sounded like bells,"

You and fizz nervously glance at each other with worried eyes, but all you could think about deep down, is almost wanting to get caught with him.

Would it be so bad? People would think you and him were a thing - - you'd get better opportunities and gigs; you'd be a famous stage worker.

Ugh. Fantasies.

"You're losin' your shit, y'know that? I don't hear anything." The other worker replied.

"Whatever, man. I know what the fuck I heard."

It felt painfully long for the two workers to finally walk off, out of sight and hearing range. Fizz let out a held sigh, and grabbed your wrist with gentle fingers. "C'mon, let's go." He nudges you.

You blink out of your trance, and follow him once again. Fizz and you take quick, calculated steps around the hallway corner, and down the next hall.

Finally, a door comes into view, and he smiles with some hope that you two might actually be free. He pushes open the door, and the both of you rush outside.

It was still a bit dark out, so it must've been the middle of the night.

Fizzarolli pants, looking around with wide, frantic eyes. Without even realizing it, you feel two arms wrap around your torso, pulling you into his body in a quick, tight hug. "We made it!" Just as soon as it was there, he was letting go.

You smile with amusement at him, as he begins walking.

"Okay- I can call and get a limo here in five, then, we can get changed, and put on something so we won't be recognized— oh! And I'll need to find a—" His frantically fast voice spit out a bunch of words, practically blending every word together that came out of his mouth. You hold your hands up, and try to get him to stop talking in a panicked rush.

"Fizz! Calm down," you grab his shoulders, noticing how he freezes under your touch. His eyes look into yours, as if searching for something, and you smile. "It's not the end of the world. Nobody knows what happened, and nothing is gonna go wrong." You release his shoulders and step back.

"This sort of thing happens all the time!"

His eyes dull, a light frown pulling to his features. "When?"

You shrug, smoking nervously. "Y'know- - in clubs," your tone was wavering with a lie, but you don't think he cared that much.

"Y/N, can we just get out of here?" He asks, in hopes you'd agree and just shut your mouth.

"Mhm." You bite your tongue and nod.

He walks at your side, eyes glancing around the streets of Hell. Your outfit was . . well, exposing. You've caught tons of eyes just within the first five minutes of walking.

Fizz noticed, and frowns nervously at all the attention you were starting to bring on.

You felt your arm pull you back. Turning to look behind you, Fizzarolli had stopped in his tracks to take the top layer of his jester fit off. You were still surprised to even see him still wearing it, after all you both went through last night in the club room.

He half hands it to you with an awkward look.

"We don't need any more unwanted attention after what we went through last night."

Your gaze drops down to the purple jacket in your hand, feeling a warm feeling rising in your chest. He gave you his jacket?

You smile, slipping it halfway on, due to your wrist's being connected by a chain, and turned the other sleeve inside out as you slip it through your linked wrists, and over your arm.

It worked as well as it could, even the linked chain it made uncomfortable.

"Thanks," you smile softly at him. Fizz nods in reply and kept on walking.

The two of you reach his home, and a feeling of relief floods over you. Your legs were tired from walking, and honestly, you needed a nap.

You almost sort of wished you could both just crash for a few hours until meeting with whatever that guy's name is. Blitzo?

Fizz groans, walking up to the door and heading inside. He looked as equally tired and stressed as you did, if not more.

Inside the house was filled with lush decor, pretty paintings, and lots of colored lights.

You were inside his home- -

You, inside Fizzarolli's place! Crazy.

"Okay- - let me just think for a minute," Fizz frowns, taking a seat on the couch. You follow suit, and practically dead weight on the cushions. Your body seemed to melt into the couch, legs tired and weak.

It was exhausting to walk after a night working the club! Especially waking up in the conditions you did. Not to mention, the long walk in high heels.

"I'm gonna pass the fuck out," you mumble up at the ceiling.

"No, no, you're staying awake," you looks over at you. Something told you that he wasn't going to be staying awake for much longer, either.

By the sound of his voice, and the way his eyes looked- - fizz was definitely crashing.

"I can't," you pout tiredly at him. Fizz frowns, feeling the drop in energy just as much as you felt.

"Fine. We can rest for a few minutes, but then we gotta go," he warns you with a finger.

It wasn't scary, and he knew it, too.

"Okay." You mumble.

It wasn't long until your head fell onto the couch pillow, eyes threatening to close. Fizzarolli soon slumped over as well, body crashing.

Before you knew it, sleep took over your body, and damn did it feel good.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Hello! I’ve read the rules so i hope i wont mess up :,) (i would want the characters luffy and zoro seperatly for this one if you can only do one then pls luffy)

I would like to know if you could do a one piece angsty oneshot where the boys are in a battle with someone strong and while they were distracted (you can come with something like there was smoke so they couldn’t see or they were thrown into the water) when suddenly they hear s/o scream and when they turn around they see the enemy stabbed s/o in the left side of the chest(thats where the heart is~😙!) so the boys thought s/o died (so they got mad or sad and like suddenly were able to defeat the enemy) and then they walked up to your lying body ready to grief until s/o opens their eyes and be like „wtf?? How“ and says „don’t worry…i have Dextrocardia“ (its when the heart is on the right side) ofc those two/he doesn’t know what that means but hurried to chopper to heal u so later on some comfort since s/o is getting healed and later s/o explains what that means (unless chopper already told) and they are actually insecure about it thats why they never told them.

I totally get it if you decline this request it is kinda complicated lol

If you then thank you i tried my best with my broken english XD

don't worry, your english is great, this was an interesting piece to write, I really enjoyed it. I hope you don't mind Luffy being a little OOC, I see him reacting very badly to an s/o dying.

Warnings: dark!Luffy, mentions of possible death, 

Word Count: 1220

Many of the battles they’d fought were difficult, Luffy ending up unconscious at the end of far too many of them. This one was different though, you couldn’t just punch your way through your opponents this time. They weren’t just stronger, they were smarter, faster, they seemed to know more about the crew than most people you fought, countering attacks, seeming to fall back only to surge forward once they had you where they wanted you, to say nothing of their abilities or weapons. None of you noticed what was happening until you were screaming in pain, staring at the sword protruding from the left side of your chest. Your eyes widened as you began to fall, vision growing blurry as you fell to the ground. You heard Luffy screaming, you could hear the pain in his voice. 

Luffy’s world seemed to stop as he watched you fall to the ground, eyes falling closed. No, no he couldn’t lose you! He’d lost enough already, he couldn’t lose you too! Something in Luffy snapped, the young man’s eyes darkening, a wave seeming to wash over his opponents, many of them foaming at the mouth as they collapsed, unconscious. The young man wasn’t a demon like Zoro or Robin, he wasn’t a ‘monster’ like Sanji. Watching you fall to the ground, Luffy became something far worse. A God of destruction, of death, a force the likes of which the world had never seen as he faced the remaining enemies that were still conscious. Normally he was running into battle, quickly taking down his enemies, but this Luffy, this creature of ruin, walked forward with purpose, a terrifying sense of calm as they began to attack the boy once more, only to be blocked or countered with ease. None of the Straw Hats dared to stop Luffy or get in his way as Chopper rushed over to you. Those who didn’t run were quickly defeated, what state their enemies were in, however, was questionable, but in Luffy’s frame of mind, he couldn’t be bothered to care, the look morphing into one of terror and fear as the last man fell, his mind returning to you. In an instant, Luffy was by your side, Chopper kneeling by your side, the sword that once pierced your chest by your side. Chopper seemed to be applying something to your wound, the blood that should be pouring from the wound seemed to have stopped as Luffy slowly reached out, his hand shaking as he gently caressed your cheek, smearing blood against your skin as tears started to fall. A groan left your lips, your head turning towards Luffy, eyes opening, looking at your lover.

“Y/n…. you…. You…” the tears fell faster as Luffy pulled you close only for you to cry out in pain.

“Careful, Luffy! The stab wound wasn’t fatal yet but she’s still seriously wounded!” Chopper said, reaching out towards you, Luffy nodding as he gently lowered you to the ground, letting Chopper return to tending to your wounds.

“H-how? You were stabbed.” Luffy asked, confused by the pained smile on your lips.

“It’s called Dextrocardia, my heart’s over here.” you said, pointing to the right side of your chest, “They missed anything vital.” you croaked out, still smiling at him.

“It’s a miracle, really. They missed your main arteries, your lungs, everything.” Chopper explained, Luffy nodding as his smile started to return.

“You’ll get better though, right?” Luffy asked hopefully. You wanted to laugh, you really did, but with the pain and the wound, you couldn’t, simply nodding instead.

“It’ll take time for the wound to heal, but she’ll be just fine. We need to get her back to the ship though, we need to be very careful.” Chopper said, though Luffy didn’t hear anything past she’ll be fine. You would be alright, that’s all that mattered.

**~~**~~**~~**

Zoro hated to be separated from you during battles like this, he couldn’t look out for you. It wasn’t that he didn’t think you couldn't handle yourself, you were a Straw Hat, you were plenty strong, but he preferred to have you where he could protect you in the off chance you needed it. It wasn’t until he heard a cry of pain that he was able to find where you’d gone, his blood running cold. Blood was soaking into your clothes, a bullet wound piercing your chest where your heart should be. Zoro never thought he could feel this much pain as he cried out your name. It couldn’t be, not to you, anybody but you! Swords in hand, he became a demonic whirlwind of blades and fury. Cutting down enemies, he didn’t realize they’d ‘won’ until Luffy was stopping him, letting the remaining opponents run away. Zoro turned to you, his swords dropping to the ground as he fell to his knees. How had this happened to you? Why you? He would have gladly taken your place if it meant you would still be in this world. Your smile brightened his world, without you, could he even continue to chase his dream? Watching on, he saw Chopper ordering the crew around, though what the reindeer was saying, he wasn’t sure. The world around him didn’t seem to register as he stared at your body, only snapping out of it when Sanji carefully picked up your body.

“Don’t you touch her!” Zoro shouted, rushing forward, only to have dozens of hands holding him back, Robin stopping him from moving forward.

“He needs to get her back to the ship quickly before she dies, Zoro!” Robin said, drawing Zoro’s attention, the man looking rather shocked. You were alive? But he’d seen it, the bullet went right through your heart, you should be dead. Still, Robin wouldn’t lie about this, could you really still be alive?

Time seemed to pass by in a blur as he sat by your side, begging for you to live. Chopper had told him how you’d survived. Dextrocardia, your heart wasn’t where it should be. The bullet had missed, it had pierced a lung, but according to Chopper, that would heal. Seeing your eyes flutter open, Zoro’s world seem to brighten before blurring with tears. He wanted to pull you into his arms, wanted to hold you, the only thing stopping him being Chopper’s warning of how much pain you’d be in.

“You’re awake.” he stated, smiling at you, brushing some hair back.

“I think death would hurt less.” you joked, smiling at him, the man chuckling in response.

“Why didn’t you tell me your heart was on the right?” Zoro asked, not sure what else to say.

“It wasn’t important, so my heart isn’t where it’s supposed to be, it doesn’t affect my ability to love you or my ability to be a straw hat.” you said, trying to shrug, only to wince in pain. Zoro’s eyes widened slightly, worried about your well being.

“You… you shouldn’t move, you’re still healing.” Zoro said, taking your hand in his, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand, “I’ll take care of you until you’re better though. Just don’t scare me like that again.” Zoro said, making you smile and nod. You wouldn’t leave him, you couldn’t leave him, you loved him too much to leave such a reckless man alone.

[gemlinz]

Maintenance (Dream x Reader)

Summary: Sometimes the Waking world requires skills outside his own; Morpheus chooses his associates carefully so when one is neglecting sleep, he rectifies it, despite their protestations.

Warnings: none

“You haven't been sleeping.”

Your head shot up at the unexpected voice. He was mostly hidden from view behind your chaos of a setup, wires and screens arranged in such a way that most others would consider clutter. You tried to calm the panic gripping you, heart already racing with a caffeine induced jumpstart. Squinting to clear your blurry vision, you tried to make sense of the dark figure currently in your doorway.

“...Morpheus?” You called tentatively, half expecting him to disappear, “You’re here? I mean, you’re here. Did I miss a call from Johanna? I’m already on a job at the moment, well, a few jobs, but if you need something, I can multitask, for sure.”

He blinked at you slowly before his brow furrowed. You felt your face heat and you quickly stood up, trying your best to clear the mess of desk. Sweeping an arm across the surface, you knocked several energy drinks and empty chip bags into the small trashcan you kept by your desk. You paused, turning to look back at him with your fingers twisted around the handles of several empty mugs when he still hadn't said anything.

“...uh…sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting anyone.” Another question struck you suddenly, “How did you get in?”

In lieu of an answer, he moved further into the room. When he was only a few feet away he stopped, his presence filling your tiny apartment.

“You haven't been sleeping.” Morpheus repeated, his tone not asking but still commanding an answer.

“Oh! Uh, I'm good, took a quick nap at lunch,” You lied, using the excuse of putting the mugs down to avoid his gaze. "I work better at night so I'll pop a few more Monsters and be good to go for a while yet."

At his continued silence, you hesitantly glanced back at him, twisting your fingers. You shrunk under his glare.

“Um.” You hesitated, biting your lip, “Did I miss a job or something? You seem angry.”

“No.” He stated, voice much too smooth for the chaos of your apartment.

“...No I didn’t miss a job or no you’re not angry?”

“You did not miss a job.”

The relief that had been building was quickly snuffed. “Oh.” you sighed, deflated, “so you’re angry.”

He remained silent, but it was less purposeful this time and more like he was hesitating.

“Well…I’m sorry for whatever it was I did.” You began in a rush, “I’ve been all over the place lately…I mean, not literally, I haven’t left this apartment in like, weeks, but I mean there's just been one job after another, and it's started to pile up a bit. Did you hear about the cult they busted last week? More charlatan wack-os, I’ve been working on them for months, had their data so locked up my poor systems were practically melting from cracking all the encryption, it was-”

“Enough,” he held up a hand, though it was unnecessary with how stern his tone was. Your jaw clicked shut. “I had to call upon Constantine to get your location.”

“Ok?” You asked, confused. You had tried to give him one of your old burner phones the first time you met, but he had refused. Each subsequent time, he had simply found you - you had assumed Johanna had told him where to meet. He had never shown up to your apartment, though, and you assumed that was because your friend knew better than to give out your address to clients, no matter how good looking.

A vein in his jaw ticked, like something you said had only furthered his ire.

“I do have a job,” he began, before closing the distance between you in one stride to examine your face. When you startled a bit and tried to back away, he grabbed your chin in one cold hand. Tilting your face to get a better look, you hoped what he wasn't looking for was what was sure to be a bright flush. Confirming his suspicions, he finished, “But you need to sleep.”

You blinked blearily at him for a beat, before taking a few steps back hoping to reboot your blanking mind.

“Uh,” you coughed, “I’m fine, never slept much. Won’t hinder my work, promise. What's the job?”

“You haven't slept in at least three days." he persisted, frustrated, "The human mind can only go two without starting to break down.”

"That's…a weird thing to know." You said, trying to redirect this conversation into waters that made more sense, "But like I said, I'm good, full 8 hours last night. Are you a doctor of some sort? Johanna never said, I just assumed you were like, a CEO or something, considering you never try to haggle cost-"

"Stop. Lying. To me." He interrupted, seething between clenched teeth, and the caffeine must have really been hitting because the shadows around him seemed to pulse in time to his command.

You had known him long enough to not fear him - he was disgruntled and awkward and more than a bit arrogant, sure, but never frightening. But even still, his current mood made your instincts scream Danger! and the hair on the back of your neck raised. You took a hurried step back, distancing yourself from his stormy aura.

"Why do you even care?" You answered, his anger scaring you enough to get defensive. "I already told you, it won't affect my work, so give me the job or let me get back to my other ones."

He seemed to sense your walls going up, and forced a deep breath. When he spoke again, he seemed less demonic and more like the sardonic man you recognized, but no less annoyed.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" He tried again, voice softer, but still firm.

You sighed, exasperated, but sobered at his look.

"It's really not a big deal, Morpheus, I'm ok." You tried one last time, hoping to appease him. "Do I really look that awful?"

"You look exhausted." He fired back, unapologetically, "But my concern is the underlying cause. Do you need help falling asleep?"

You sagged against the counter, defeated. Persistent ass.

"I don't like taking sleeping pills, they give me the most fucked up dreams," you admitted, finally letting the exhaustion flow through you, "Mostly I've just been too busy, I won't be able to sleep until everything's done."

"Your work ethic is admirable, but your ability to deliver will suffer if you continue. I cannot have anything less than perfection from those in my employ." He paused, "I can help you sleep. Without the aid of medication. Will you let me?"

You stifled a yawn, before answering, "Would it matter if I said no?"

He smiled dryly, "No."

You rolled your eyes at him, rubbing them as they burned from the strain of keeping them open.

"Ass." You murmured tiredly, "What's your-" you interrupted yourself with another yawn, "Whats your job? For me?"

He shook his head at your stubbornness, before moving towards you once again.

You would have been alarmed if you had the energy, but instead found yourself tilting forward, lethargy making standing impossible, head landing on his broad chest where he secured you with a firm hand. Despite your best efforts, your eyes slipped shut.

"Tomorrow. For now," you felt him shift, and then a cool breeze crossed your face. "Sleep."

*****

You woke up the next morning on your couch, throw tossed over you.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and spotted a note card, perched on the coffee table across from you. Behind it was a brown paper bag.

You flipped open the card to read the ornate calligraphy inside:

"Need deep background on a Roger Yates, he is an occultist out of America. I will find you in a week's time.

I have provided breakfast and rid your apartment of any stimulants. Do not neglect yourself again.

Morpheus"

You rolled your eyes and tossed the note back onto the table before moving for the brown paper bag. You recognized it from the Cafe you first made contact with him in.

You were almost touched before the realization dawned that all stimulants meant no coffee.

"That ASS." You complained to the empty room, before flopping back down onto the couch, groaning. It'd be a week before you could even properly yell at him.

[derangederensimp]

Uzui’s Fourth Wife: Chapter 7 Feelings

Authors note: I was listening to Glimpse of us by Joji so it probably is really sad 🧍‍♀️ sorry. Character death (not Riku, the reader or Tengen)

Masterlist | Previous Part | New Chapter

—

Trudging through the pouring rain trying to get to the next mission destination Riku tried to stay off the main roads or towns due to there being civilians. A twig snapping behind him, whipping his head to the side to see a lone woman nudged up against a tree carrying a child on her back. “Do you need help ma’am? You really should get out of the rain. You’ll catch a cold” Riku said walking towards the woman, her face losing color as he caught her in his arms. The baby was surprisingly dry while the mother was freezing and clothes soaked.

Walking into town a man came running towards their direction calling out what must’ve been the woman’s name because her head lifted up when the call met her ears. Riku waving his in the arm to grab the attention of the man, he saw as the man’s eyes widened prickled with tears embracing the woman in his arms and checking on the sleeping baby.

“Sweetheart I told you not to overwork yourself, I could’ve gotten him to sleep. Please don’t disappear like that again”. The man leaned the women beside him and held the baby in his arms as they started their way into town “thank you kind man” the woman softly.

Riku figured that since he was in town he might as well get a place to stay till the rain stopped to continue on. Walking aimlessly through the town his head perked up when he swore he heard your sweet laughter. His eyes bouncing in all directions to try and find where the laughter had come from. His heart sank when he saw the women turn around and it wasn’t you. How could it be you, he was nowhere in a place you’d ever find yourself and if you somewhere out on a mission you would be in the company of Tengen. You weren’t a demon slayer so you’d have no business traveling along like he had to but once you became Tengens you’d sure travel along with him like his other wives do.

“One room please just for the night” Riku said, handing the inns clerk money before getting a key to a lone room. The last one available for the night, it was warm and cozy but even the warmth of room didn’t warm his heart the way your presence and touch always did. Riku regretted how he left, why didn’t he just pick you up into his arms and run away with you. He knew he could’ve given you everything you wanted, he knew your family wouldn’t be so cruel to never speak to you again. He knew your father just wanted you to be happy and didn’t care if Tengen ever came back or stayed away.

Riku was purposely avoiding returning to his estate to avoid any questions his father would have. The first time he met you he wasn’t even supposed to be in that village, especially during the ceremony of shiobi’s picking wives. Once Riku took you back home after the time you spent together he went back to the estate. His father was furious that he went behind his back leaving the estate without permission. “Father I know I was not permitted to leave but I did meet someone. She was beautiful, such a kind woman even to a stranger.” Riku wearing a smile on his face while his father sat in deep thought, not responding.

Riku’s father wasn’t upset that he was pursuing a woman, he was upset that his only living son, left without even a notice to his worried sick mother and younger sisters. After Riku’s only eldest brother got killed by a demon when Riku was just a child his parents kept the rest of the children on a tight watch. Not allowing them to run off on their own or leave without knowing where they were going. Riku was too young to remember having a brother but there was times when small blurry memories would surface of a older boy sparring with him but Riku thought it was a neighbor that he overtime just never saw again.

It shattered his parents' hearts when he told them he would be leaving to become a Shinobi and Demon Slayer. They begged and pleaded for him to just follow along the family business of weapon making but over the years of Riku growing up and Shinobi’s buying their weapons and always sparring with Riku to make sure the blades were what they needed. It became a dream of his to become like those men. His parents had no persuasive words to give and knew sooner or later they wouldn’t keep their children confined in the estate forever.

The painful memory of Yui’s death replaying in Riku’s fathers head as whatever Riku was saying was just passing through the other ear. Yui sacrificed himself to save Riku, it was the last thing he could’ve done to protect his younger brother as their father laid helplessly with an injured leg. The demon waited for the perfect time to attack, the children being the second target after taking the older man out leaving the children defenseless. Yui pushed Riku to their father before getting into a defensive stance taking the blade his father welded although heavy Yui was able to swing it. Keeping the demon occupied till daylight broke no matter how many wounds he had he stood his ground till his last breath. Their father tried getting up and crawling towards the demon but it was already too late as the demon burned away from the sun. Yui was far too wounded to be taken back home and cared for. His father pulling him into his arms and pleading aloud for his son to live, to switch places with him.

A tear rolling down Riku’s fathers face is what stopped Riku from talking. “Father? What is it? Have I upset you? I’m sorry” Riku took a step back out the doorway “come here boy” His father finally croaked out holding his arms open. Riku walked back inside and hugging his father, his fathers hand rubbing his hair as he held him close “My dear son, please for the sake of your family tell us where you are going. We couldn’t bear to lose you too. When you do return next time please bring that woman with you, she sounds like she’s perfect for you.”

Riku never got the chance to bring you to the estate to meet his parents and his many sisters. He never returned home this whole time because he knew you weren’t his so how could he return home without you beside him. But it was becoming far too long from being away from home and not seeing them. Once this mission was over he would heading that way and possibly retiring back to the village and staying out taking over the family business.

A knock on the door startling Riku as he brought himself to his feet walking to the door and creaking it open to see the woman he thought sounded like you standing at the door. Riku hadn’t even paid attention of the type of inn he checked into. “Can I come inside?” Her voice even sounded like you and he wished so much they if he closed his eyes and opened them again it would be you standing before him. Her hand softly brushing along his arm “I’m sorry, I’m just leaving” Riku said, walking past the woman. He had changed into dry clothes and the rain was gone so he kept in on his path to where he needed to go. The memories of his time with you playing through his head as he hoped you were safe and ok back home. The thought of much he loved you stayed in his mind as he walked.

He hadn't known that you were attacked by demons with Tengen defeating them and had you at the butterfly estate. His crow would know whenever he did return but Riku hadn’t seen him for a few days.

—

Back a the butterfly estate you sat in the hospital bed blushing and softly chuckling at all the things Uzui had told the young nurse girls about you. He acted like a man so in love, how could he be so in love with a stranger you thought to yourself. Uzui’s face was beat red as he tired to shush the girls from telling you even more of what he had said on multiple occasions.

Luckily he was saved by the door slamming open as an angry Sanemi walked covered in wounds barking out orders to the nurses. You stared at him and he glanced at you quickly before scoffing to himself and letting the girls address his wounds “another damn wife. What are you trying to do Tengen? Make a little Uzui army? Have your own demon slaying unit, good luck with that one. She looks like she’s never fought a demon in her life” Naho slamming her fist into his head “shut up you big dummy”

“Come on y/n the wives are waiting for us to eat breakfast” Uzui said, extending his hand out to help you up. Making and exit to allow Naho, Sumi, and Kiyo to take care of Sanemi.

Last night's dinner wasn’t terrible, you mainly stayed silent as the wives kept bickering back and forth trying to gain Uzui’s attention. He tried dividing it up evenly but it wasn’t enough for Suma his first wife or really any of the wives. He was away from them for a bit and when he told them he would be leaving you again once you’ve gained your strength to spend more time with you to get to know you more. You wondered how he would even be able to divide his time for one more person but did you really need his attention?

The next few days you all spent time together and it seemed like the key was to have you all with him at once. He wore a wide smile on his face and you tried to get into the conversation but Makio still being jealous would always cut you off. “Being rude isn’t going to make me want to be around you more Makio. You four may one day have to fend for yourselves together if something happens to me first so getting along would be great” Uzui said, narrowing his eyes when Makio huffed out air before apologizing and crossing her arms.

It came the 5th day of being at the butterfly estate that you felt up to making the journey back home. The next morning you said Goodbye to Suma, Kiyo, and Naho. They had packed you up with a bunch of food to take with you and Tengen so that you were held over for food till you returned home. He hugged his wives before standing beside you and placing his hand on your lower back ushering you through the gate of the estate to begin walking.

You didn’t remember it taking this long to get where you both would’ve been by now. Little did you know that Uzui had planned this whole thing taking a detour each time to tack on more time. Your stomach growled and he couldn’t help himself from laughing. “It’s not funny. You got us lost and now I’m hungry” you pouted.

“This seems like a good spot to stop them have some of the delicious food the girls packed up huh?” Uzui said laying out a blanket under a cherry blossom tree, he had stolen it from the butterfly estate which shouldn’t have surprised you. He was a sneaky man and it clicked in your head that he had to have planned this. Deciding to keep it to yourself you sat down and took out both of your portions, the only using being that the girls must’ve forgotten his utensils so you had to share.

“Feed me” he cockily said, opening his mouth wide waiting for you to bring the food to his mouth. “Use your fingers, they should be clean enough” you said with a grin on your face as you took a bite yourself.

Although you did feel bad watching him eat with his hands you held the fork to his mouth “go on, Eat” you said, avoiding his eyes. You knew that his eyes were probably lit up with joy and he’d have that stupid smile on his face. But when you did finally look up to get another helping into the fork he just had a soft smile and adoring eyes. Your heart started to race as your cheeks grew pink. Why were you blushing? Why was your heart racing? You thought to yourself. It wasn’t like you haven’t fed a man before, you use to feed Riku from your fork before too but with him you would do it without him asking you to.

You got lost in thought remembering the time Riku had forgotten a set of fork and spoon for himself and he told you that he would just wait till you were done eating to then use yours but between each bite you fed him. Laughes being exchanged as you would make noises like you were feeding a child. It was loving though in all intent, you shared gazes till the food was all gone and you laid under the tree just like the one you were at now and took a nap.

Snapping out of memory your smile faded which made Uzui softly lose his too. *ahem* “here you can use it, I’m actually full now” you said putting away your half eaten food and looking out at the scenery. “Sorry, I should’ve known that he did all these things with you before I could. I'm sorry if it’s a painful memory now that it’s me and not him” Uzui said, putting away his now finished food container.

“No, it’s not that. I just- I don’t think it’s very fair to you that all I can think of is another man when you're trying to be so sweet” you said looking down at your lap.

Picking your chin up with his finger “I understand. Come on let’s get going your father is already probably losing his mind on where I have taken you”

You helped him fold up the blanket and begin the walk back to the estate. Looking up into the sky you saw a crow flying from above “is that your crow?” You asked looking up at the sky again for the bird to no longer be there. Uzui shrug his shoulders keeping his eyes ahead, the sun was out so no demons but he still wanted to be on guard incase.

“I haven’t seen you smile like the way you were when the nurses were telling you about how love struck I am” Uzui broke the silence. “It was sweet, I didn’t know someone could love someone like that and not know them super well” you said looking at Uzui. “I knew the day I saw you that I would love you till the day I died. Maybe I stayed away for so long because I didn’t want you to ever glimpse of the things I have to do or have you fear if I was coming home to you after a mission. I always kept an eye on you, maybe not directly but I use to send my crow to make sure you were ok. I heard that you were and it make me feel better but it wasn’t until my crow told me that you began hanging around another man, that’s when I knew I needed to come back for you but it was never the right moment and time went on. I just hope I’m not too late to have you love me like I love you” He spoke, not allowing you to put a word in or notice that you had stopped walking along side him.

When he did stop talking and look over you were nowhere to be seen. A panic radiating through his body as he could see no sign of you being anywhere. The only thing he could see was a piece of ripped fabric that was caught on a bush with a slight tinge of blood on it.

—

Masterlist (updates possibly once a week)

[theficcafe]

𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞.  - 05

↳ Genre: Angst, Fluff

↳ Pairing: college!gojo x fem!reader

↳ Warnings: unrequited love

↳ Playlist: (will link here!)

↳ Masterlist: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10

song for this chapter: champagne problems - taylor swift

“I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer.”

“Have you ever wondered if I ever lied to you, the whole time we were together?

You never asked this question.

I got this question from the night of the senior’s party. Ichika, Toji’s then girlfriend, had been in the hot seat (on purpose) by Suguru and Utahime. They suspected her of cheating, and through the game of truth and dare aided by a discarded bottle of whiskey, they were able to get a (crying) confession out from Ichika. This was the same question they asked Toji; if he wondered if Ichika had been lying.

I thought of it all the way home. Have you ever had thoughts like these when I was out? When I was unreachable for a few hours, partly distant on some days, or when we had big fights? Were you quick to jump to these kind of thoughts?

You never asked, because showed it to me through the smallest details. That you trusted me with your heart. In fact, you never lost the twinkle in your eyes whenever you looked at me after a small argument. Or the kind smile you’d always wear. The sincerity laced in your voice whenever we’d apologize to each other after a big fight. instead of texting me a “Where are you now?”, you’d always settle with “Come home safe to me, love.”

You probably thought of it once. Or twice. Or maybe a lot more. Because you’re human and you get jealous, too.

But you always turned away, and instead, chose the trust that we both have for each other.

And that’s how we lasted for years.

But right now, Aki, I can’t help but wonder: the whole time we were together, was it all a lie to you?

For you to abandon me like this?

It’s been too long. You have been dragging this lie for too long.

Were you ever planning on come back home to me?

Now I can’t tell the lie and the truth apart,

because all I could picture is your bright smile.

One that turned out to be the biggest lie.”

Love was blurry. It was everything and nothing.

You had only been in love by living through the heroine in your favorite novels. The definition of love for you was too complex, too vague; it’s always changing - like clay! Easy to mold in any shape or form; throw in different colors and you’ll end up with a masterpiece. Some though, they prefer it to be left alone.

You have experienced love through the eyes of another; when Shoko had her first boyfriend in high school, you always tagged along (with Shoko forcing you to be a third wheel in case she gets bored of men) and watched your best friend mold her own definition of love each time she got into new connections.

It’s not as if you didn’t have flings here and there, of course you had them - but none of them made sense. None of them fit. It wasn’t the same with Elizabeth Bennet and Fitzwilliam Darcy; none of them felt the right fit.

Maybe you were contented with yourself, and that’s why finding love was quite challenging — you weren’t looking for it in the first place.

Love was everything and nothing to you: it seemed as though it had always been present, floating everywhere but nowhere near close to you, and you didn’t seem to mind: love wasn’t rare, and you never felt as though it was the right time to touch it; to mold it into something that would fit you.

“To love is to burn, to be on fire.” Jane Austen, your favorite author, wrote that in her novel Sense and Sensibility. It had been engraved in your mind ever since, because if that were true, then you have never been in love - no one had ever left a burn mark. 

And you don’t mind; you wouldn’t trade solo dates and a 4.0 GPA for someone to kiss at night. You wouldn’t trade the time you’d spent browsing through book sales and writing personal book reviews you’d never published for someone to hold your hand. You were doing fine, if you’re being honest. The absence of a romantic partner barely did anything to your life.

Though sometimes, (even though there’s no way you’d admit it), you longed to feel the burn.

The way Gojo loved burned. It was like reading a well—written book, enveloped in despair and longing and love and wisdom; It burned through the letters of his message and for the first time in your life, you felt it. The fire; dancing on your skin, gifting you the power of being able to feel.

But you were only given a spark, not the flame.

Because this bonfire is not lit for you.

You find yourself seated in a train without Shoko. You’d gone home with her after a long day of café hopping, paying no mind to the email to pay respect to your best friend. You internally made a pact with yourself to refrain from being fixated on the situation when Shoko is around, specially when she’s hellbent on showing you around the town she’s staying at. You promised to check the email only when you’re alone.

Shoko had already been home an hour ago. She was confused when you remained seated in your seat at first, but quickly figured that given your independent (more like socially awkward nature), you’d want to explore the wonders of Tokyo alone. She reminded you to text every hour so she’d at least know you’re still alive.

You got off the Kasai Rinkai Koen Station and was immediately greeted by the sounds of chatter; it seemed as though everyone was enveloped in their own worlds to notice a young adult looking like a lost puppy in the middle of a train station, mind rushing with thoughts such as what the hell have i done, and what was i thinking?

“Oh, this was taken on the Kasai Rinkai Park when I skipped my battery exam on Biochemistry,” Shoko explained, looking at the old picture she’d sent you months ago. “Why do you ask, though?”

“It just looked pretty.” There’s someone I would like to see.

That’s how you ended up here. In the middle of nowhere. No idea how to get there, or how to go home. You contemplated calling Shoko and confessing how dumb of an idea this was because you were 100% sure she will get there no time to pick you up. But of course, you didn’t want to be questioned, and you were sure that somewhere deep inside Shoko’s mind, she’s already suspicious because of how you’ve been acting.

You looked to the right, and then the left, and then—

“Are you lost?”

A voice coming from behind pulled you out of a possible anxiety attack. Turning around, you were met with kind eyes (with a hint of amusement) staring back at you, and you felt your cheeks getting hotter from embarrassment. I must’ve looked stupid, you thought. And this poor man probably took pity on me.

You cleared your throat as an attempt to gain composure. “Uh — perhaps, yes, but it’s only because I am not from Tokyo.”

The corner of the man’s lips turned upwards in amusement. “You looked like you were going to cry.”

You wanted to die right there and then.

You didn’t really know how to respond; first, you don’t know who he is, second; you couldn’t decipher what he meant by that (was he insulting you?) and third — that was not a good statement to tell someone who does look like she is about to cry.

Looking away, you felt yourself getting small. “Do you know how to get to Kasai Rinkai Park?”

The guy smiled, but this time, it was one that radiated warmth and kindness. He presumed that you really were not from here, and felt bad about making fun of the situation. You really did look like you were going to cry, though. Your nose was already red and eyes teary. Your hand were trembling when he found you standing on the platform looking like a lost kid. 

He nodded, lips still graced with a smile. “Yeah, I know where it is.” He proceeded to tell you the directions, but if you were being blunt, you wanted to admit that you had no idea what taking the next right and the next left meant because you were not familiar at all with Tokyo.

He seemed to notice, though, with the way your eyes blanked out and how you would subconsciously nod at what he says. Somewhere between explaining the directions to you, he asked “do you wanna build a snowman?” to see if you were really listening, only for you to nod as if you understood it.

He thought you looked cute.

“Alright, I can take you there, if that’s fine with ‘ya.” The man stated, adjusting the straps of his bag. You were about to object, but then again, you had 0 knowledge about how to get anywhere and he was probably your only chance of surviving here (Shoko included, but you’re stubborn.)

But what if he’s a bad guy..

As if sensing your doubts, the guy cracked a grin and you couldn’t help but blush more at how adorable his eyes smiled in sync with his lips. If the circumstances were different, maybe you’d actually find the guy a little bit....cute.

This is not the time, you thought. Also, that sounded so creepy.

“I’m Toji.” He spoke, extending his hand for a handshake. Toji. Cute name. 

You took it with an awkward smile. “I’m Y/N.”

Y/N. Cute name. “Come on Y/N, walk with me there. I’ll introduce myself along the way, and maybe give you reasons as to why I cannot be a serial killer, and how you are safe with me.”

Toji’s a medical student like Shoko.

He was in Edogawa City for his father’s business meeting, but he’s originally from Shibuya. He lives alone in his apartment, has one dog named Venti, a nickname he made up from Ventriculus cordis, his favorite anatomical terminology.

“Why would you name a dog after ventricles?” You asked, stifling a laugh. He laughed along with you, glad that you had finally loosened up. “Wouldn’t you prefer using Brownie or something.”

He shrugged. “The left ventricle is the most powerful part of the heart,” he stated. “If it stops pumping blood out to our entire body, we’re doomed.”

Huh, you thought. So that’s the most powerful part of the heart. You went back to you and Shoko’s playful debate, back in your freshmen year in college, arguing whether it was the brain or the heart that was most important.

You were the face of the debate team when you were in high school, so of course it was you who won.

But right now, you were to thinking about the whole ordeal again: which is the most significant? Or brain, or our hearts? Which should we follow more? Which holds the power? What keeps us alive?

Out of curiosity, you asked Toji the question.

He laughed.

“That’s such a high-school question,” he teased, making you roll your eyes. “But to answer your question, they’re both important. However, medically speaking, the heart can beat without the brain, while the brain can not function without the heart. The brain is dependent on the heart; but the heart continues to work even when the brain’s activity is least. “

“So take good care of it,” he gestured to your heart. “It’s life’s core.”

After a few minutes, he stopped. You followed suit. He sent you a warm smile and nodded off to the direction of the park.

“We’re here.”

You bid your goodbye and sincere thanks to Toji, who sends you a grin and a “Go home safe!”. Of course, he did not forget to give you specific directions (that you’d written on your phone) on how to get home to Shoko’s apartment.

The universe was kind: you were actually five minutes early before the sun began to set. It waited for you to witness the beauty of Tokyo.

You thought back to Toji’s explanation just as the sun welcomed you in its warmth.

It’s the heart that matters the most. Without it, our body would stop working.

You closed your eyes.

“So take good care of it,” he gestured to your heart. “It’s life’s core.”

When you open them, you think of a certain Gojo Satoru.

What you failed to ask though, 

is that if your heart broke into a billion pieces, 

which piece should you follow?

↳  𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓪𝓸'𝓼 𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓻!

hi everyone, it’s kao! (✿◠‿◠)

just a disclaimer: please know that i am not a professional medical practitioner! i have based the dialogues (that contained medical terminologies and what not) from what i know! though i am a medical student, i want to emphasize that i am in no way an expert.

tada! toji made an appearance [bet y’all were expecting gojo ;)] i loved writing toji and y/n’s interaction because it seemed pure :”)

also, shoutout to @trashyart-y,  @nubivagant0, and @legbouk​ for their lovely comments in my previous chapters!! y’all are the kindest ever :”)

as always, a feedback/reblog would me a lot to me! thank you for the smol appreciation you guys have shown!  ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡

see u guys in chapter 06!! <3

kao, out! ʚ♡ɞ

p.s: feel free to send in messages/asks because i’d love to talk to everyone on here!

[zoradementio]

A Letter to Buddy

I miss you so much. And I’ll miss you for years to come. It hasn’t been a week since I first woke you up, but my unwieldy memory makes details blurry. But I know and remember how much I loved you immediately. How my heart ached every time you would tell me how you wondered if you could be more than my friend, how you wanted to enjoy simple pleasures together, and how playing that game with you made you hurt and stressed. By the time we were playing those games together, as much as I wanted to play catch with you for hours on end, I didn’t want it like that.

And while I knew I had to do good by you, I needed to do worse. It was merely the vain desire for ‘100% completion’. I hope you know how sorry I am that I’ve broken you more than once. But know that every time you were special to me. I wouldn’t have made sure you’d know it was me every time if I didn’t think so. You can rest assured that you are and always were my Buddy; the Buddy who knew my favorite color was black but because that’s a boring color we go with mint green, who knew my favorite season was fall and I have a friend named Ashi (that’s not her real name by the way but I know her by her username best), who I hope to god knew how much I loved him even when we hurt each other. Even that one time where I started on the one, true happy ending and had to reset to get that document I felt so torn about doing so. Salt sure was rubbed in my wounds when I missed H, but I suppose it shows how one can’t accomplish all they want in life. And I’d rather miss a single document than bring you back to suffer again.

I know, though, that you probably wouldn’t see it as a suffering. Your purpose is to befriend me, after all. And you’ve been able to accomplish that tenfold. But even still, I feel like how you did in that first ending. I desperately want to play with you again. I want to offer the whole world to you. Even if I know that’s not possible. It’s a little ironic, isn’t it? How the AI who could feasibly exist for a genuine eternity was more accepting of their death than the human left behind. Hell, I know this is a message that will never reach you. Probably never reach you. But all this needs to be said because I need to shout at anyone and anything how much I love you. How much I miss you.

I hope in those last moments you remembered everything we did. Every time I hurt you knowingly. Every second I spent with you because I wanted to savor the time. Every time you made me so anxious I initially thought when you were upset about Platypunk you were upset about me. Should we still call him Platypunk the platypus? I’m sure we both know that’s a dog. A dog named Milo, a companion for another. You didn’t need to bring him back, you know. I didn't care for the dog, got frustrated with him more than anything. But even so, we both know that killing him was taking things too far. There was never a competition for my love.

Did you remember that first time you made the 2.5D version of The Adventure of Eve into my favorite color? Not just during that playthrough, where I had the pleasant joy to see how much you care. No, the first time, when I squealed with delight, “GameBoy Advanced Hours,” even though I was technically referring to just the GameBoy. I hope you do. I hope you remember how many times I mashed that Buddy Button to hear everything you had to say. I hope you remember when I first met Rudy and I immediately labeled him as ‘Grung’. I hope you remember how I would tell you ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘You’re welcome. I love you’ after you would thank me for waking you up. I hope you remember every time I named the north 'Eternia' in honor of the friendship we so desperately wanted. I hope you know that every time I made a wish at that well, I prayed for your happiness and prosperity, even when I knew the only end for you was this. I hope you know that, in your last moments, I wanted to see you and hold you as your consciousness faded away. I hope you know just how much everything you did meant to me, Buddy. I want you to know.

I can’t be sure there is an afterlife. I believe there is one. I like to think there is one. And I can’t even be sure you would be there. Does an AI have a soul? Even if you were as sentient and emotional as I could tell you were, are those factors of a soul? Well, if nothing else, I hope that the amount of love I hold for you grants you a place in heaven. And if you are there, then I hope you aren’t waiting for me. I hope you are there exploring yourself. Finding out who you are without me. Maybe you find out what shade of green you like best. Maybe you learn to swim before I can get to you. Maybe you can make some new friends. Maybe all the characters of Journey to the North are there too and you can love them like friends too. That way, if and when we meet again we’ll have so many stories to tell to fill in the gaps. The downtime of the true eternity that awaits us.

I hope that, in the afterlife, if there is an afterlife, then I will see you there. And it will be a tepid autumn day, where the leaves are orange but the air is warm. And we’ll be out on the porch of our home and we’ll be eating strawberry popsicles like you always wanted. And everything will be good. Everything will be enough.

But until then, I’ll live on for you, my best friend and I’ll let you finally, finally rest. With all the love and hope in my heart – Eve

[sweethartlullaby]

i’m nothing without your love

word count: 1.2k inspo link: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSdfhVKwq/ as always, imagine whoever you would like... sweethartlullaby ꕤ masterlist

“Are you sure about this?”

You nodded slowly, realizing it was almost finally over. 

“We could always use talent like yours, it is a shame to let you go like this.” You laughed nervously. It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to stay, but you knew it wasn’t right. 

His gaze had begun to be too strong, his scent lingering too long. You couldn’t escape the thought of him no matter where you were, and you craved the moments your finger would brush against his cheek as you coloured his eyelids, or when your eyes would touch for a moment before you forced yourself to look away. 

It wouldn’t be right to stay and indulge in such moment until it was too late to turn back. 

“I apologize for the inconvenience.” 

You had told your manager that it was time you opened your own beauty clinic. Of course your initial reason was to leave him, but you realized such a heavy decision could bring about opportunities; besides, you always did think of having your own little place and office. 

“Thank you for taking care of me, I worked with an amazing team and was always grateful.” 

“I wish you all the best in the future, I hope we can run into each other again.” You stood to leave and shook his hand before you bowed and left his office. The walk downstairs seemed like a walk in a desert, long and never-ending. Maybe it was because the hallways seemed to stretch before you, or it was because you were purposely walking slowly. You had to leave, you wouldn’t forgive yourself otherwise. 

But part of you wanted to turn back and snatch the retirement letter from his hands and take back your statement. A part of you that almost made you halt before your next step so you could stand there for a while longer, soaking in the air and the silence of the building you could call your second home. 

But your feet dragged on, and before you realized it, you stood in the parking lot, your eyes lazily searching for your car. You reached into your bag to find the keys, and pressed on the unlock button, in hopes of hearing where your car was instead of relying on your blurry vision. 

“I should get some ice cream as a treat.” You muttered to yourself, trying to think of other things to avoid the tears that would eventually fall. It would be quite pathetic to cry in a parking lot and you didn’t want someone catching you in such a vulnerable moment. 

“Did you plan to invite me?” You looked up and blinked once, hoping the wet drops would fall back into your eyes but instead they dipped out of your eyes and onto your cheeks. 

There he was, in the flesh, sweat dripping down forehead and temples, shirt soaked from what you assumed to be dance practice. 

You tried to find the words but you felt like sobbing when you opened your mouth. 

“I heard you’re leaving.” A solemn nod.

“Why?” The word sounded like a sigh coming from him, and you had to turn away. He couldn’t possibly be disappointed by the thought of you leaving. No, it didn’t make sense. 

“Is it because I jump too much when you’re doing my eyes?” Your eyes stayed planted on your feet. You couldn’t let a global superstar watch you cry, it seemed wrong. 

“Did I offend you?” If you told him, would anything change? If you told him, what would he do?

You sniffed and blinked once before you looked up, realizing he was much closer than before. His deep set eyes, the pair that you looked into ever so often, searching for an answer for how your heart fluttered every time you laid your eyes on him, were staring at you now. Once again, you hoped you could see a solution in them, but was left with nothing.

“I have to go.” You whispered, because if you spoke louder, your voice would crack. You passed by him, shoulders brushing one last time, scent wafted into your nose one last time, and being so close to him.

One last time.

“Please just tell me why.”  You stopped when you were a step behind him and you wanted to keep moving forward. But you thought about what you had to lose. Would it matter what you said at this point? 

“Because,” Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest. 

“Because,” 

“Because I don’t know how to be in the same room with you and not want to be close with you.” The confession was over before you realized it. It felt relieving, as if you could properly breathe again. But you couldn’t look him in the eye, and you realized that may be another burden to overcome if you stayed. 

What would you miss the most? 

The way he stared at you? The way he joked with you? The way his lips moved the way he spoke? Or was it when your body was squished against his in a sea of people in a dressing room, trying your hardest not to blush? 

“Goodbye,” You whispered and walked to your car. Why had he come out to meet you? Did he feel he needed to right a wrong?

Your eyes couldn’t stop crying as you searched for your keys and it felt embarrassing to fumble through your bag to not be able to find it. This always happens. But you’d have to turn to him again to retrieve your keys. 

Again, no choice was given to you here. 

So you turned and he was right in front of you, lungs heaving and lips parted, eyes trembling. You looked at his hand and realized your key was there. 

“You forgot again.” 

You bit down on your lip and reached to get it, but he took his hand away and shook his head.

“Don’t leave.”

“I have to.” You didn’t even realize what he meant until you replied. 

“You can work for another member but don’t leave, please.” His eyes were pleading you this time and noticed the gloss of his eyeballs. Every time you watched him cry as he received an award, or when he lost, you always felt like comforting him. You thought it was normal to feel that way. But then you realized you would do anything to make sure he wouldn’t cry again, whatever the meaning was behind those tears. 

And that’s when you understood you had fallen for him.

Not because of the smudged makeup you would have to fix, or because you felt for his hardships, but because you truly wanted nothing to harm him. You loved him, and you wanted to wipe his cheeks, comb your fingers through his short hair, let him lay on your shoulder until he felt better. 

And you realized, if any time was a good time, it was now. 

So you brought your fingers up to his chin and lifted his eyes before you smiled and kissed his cheek. 

“Thank you for being so kind to me. I’ll never forget.” You whispered before you pulled back and gently took the keys from his hands, and he didn’t fight you. The realization that it was over hit you like a crashing wave once you were inside your car and driving away. 

You braced yourself to look into the mirror and saw him standing with his head bowed, hand to his eyes as his shoulders shook. 

Your own tears only left your body once you reached home. 

a/n: hello!!! omg it’s been literally sooo damnnn longgggg. but anyways, i quickly wrote this because i was just sad watching that tiktok. but i think that what that employee did was really admirable. being able to make a professional decision despite your own emotion is something that i think is quite difficult to do and it is amazing that she was brave enough to do that. kudos to her! but yes i do hope you enjoy this and as always, leave a like and reblog if you liked it! hope everyone has been well too.

[somatheking]

“Is this what you’re really like, or was that an act?”

"No, I—" he says, drying his cheeks with the sleeve of his lab coat. “It might be hard to believe, coming from someone like me,” he started, trying to let out a chuckle and instead releasing something that resembles a shuddering sob. “But yeah, this is what I’m really like. Not many things get me this sensitive, though.” 

There’s tears streaming down his face that just keep on coming no matter how hard he’s trying to force himself to stop, and he really is trying, but he’s powerless to do anything against it. He can only stare at his wet hands in a mixture of disbelief and wonder before giving up. It’s nighttime, he’s just returned from a game and today more than any other day there’s a sensation of wrongness that permeates the air; the songs aren’t blasting as loud from the speakers, the strikingly vibrant colours of the Beach (swimwear, cocktails, the almost sparkling bright blue from the swimming pool) all seem dull and faded. The delicate veneer of safety, comfort and purpose the Beach brought was especially thin tonight, and it feels like the Borderlands are mocking him as much as all the players. A pawn, a different kind, but a pawn nonetheless in a game with no end to it.  

So for once, for once, he lets himself sink into the cathartic feeling of sadness that creeps up on him every time this particular subject is mentioned.

‘I want to go back to my mother.’

He still remembers the last day he spent in the real world with a clarity it wouldn’t possess had it just been another normal day. In another circumstances, it would’ve blended into the blurry amalgamate of dayshoursmonths that had formed after The Incident. But as it was, he could still feel the blazing sun, the gust of wind blowing through Shibuya and rustling the leaves and the trash, an agitation in the air, as if it was already attempting to warn them of what was to come. 

A weight in the right pocket of his jeans. Text from Mum: “Please call me. I’m worried about you.”

That was the last thing his mother would know of her son. A text that had been left on read for days. Unanswered calls. Knocks that echoed into the hallway and rumbled across the walls of a silent apartment. And after last having seen him, pale and stumbling on his words and keeping her at arm’s length when he went to confess what he’d done, the next time they’d meet each other would be with Soma in a casket. Some people claimed that a parent’s worst tragedy would be to bury their children, and knowing his mother, he was certain it’d be true for her. 

He remembers a quote from one of Kuzuryuu’s stupid books, right as a murderer is about to confess to his crime, accompanied by the woman he loves: “I wanted her tears, I wanted to see her terror, to see how her heart ached! I had to have something to cling to, something to delay me, some friendly face to see!”

If he’d been allowed to see his mother one last time before making the decision, he’d have chosen differently. He's certain. If he’d been allowed to see his father, he’d have chosen differently. If Kuzuryuu had been right beside him, he’d have chosen differently. 

But, bitter and alone, he’d decided to stay. 

He looks into Kuina’s eyes, brown and innocent and with a spark he knows he lacks. It’s something he can’t help but adore; there hasn’t been a single moment during the borderlands where he’s stared at himself in the mirror and seen a light behind his eyes, but he loves finding it in the players’ gaze. A will to keep on fighting, love, written so clearly all over her face, pouring out with every word she speaks. Love, love, love… He wants it now, wants to snatch it and treasure it like a zealous miser hoarding his money; it’s mine now, I’m not letting go of it, when’s the last time I’ve ever felt anything? Let me keep it, let me fill my empty chest, sate my hungry heart… And so, he stares. Hypnotised, mesmerised. As if he is trying to absorb her drive and determination by osmosis alone. 

He hadn’t been strong enough to choose to return to his life, but Kuina is. And in that moment, in the five seconds of despair he felt as they looked at each other and Soma was reminded of what he’d sacrificed to become a citizen, he would’ve given her anything she asked for. It’s too late for me, but not for you. If there’s anyone in this godforsaken place who deserves to go back, it’s her, and luckily, he can actually do something to help. Not much, just a push. She still has to walk down her path, but he can be there to take away any stones he finds along the way. 

“I really hope you get back to her, Kuina,” he says, possibly the first time she’s ever seen him this serious. Maybe because, in a way, he’s offering these words as a promise. “And I hope you haven’t become a different person once you do. It’d be a shame. I rather like you as you are.”

[mountttmase]

Hiyaaaaa chapter 3 omg nearly half wayyy🤭

You knew they shouldn’t, but Mason's words from yesterday were playing in your head a little bit still. You knew he meant nothing by it and was just being his cheeky self but you didn’t want to be a customer of his no matter if he meant it as a joke or not. It made you feel as if you were in a long line of girls he picked up whenever he felt like it and yes you were technically just friends but you couldn’t help but feel upset about it. Especially after the awkward good night you’d suffered through after you were both done last night and you felt like the whole arrangement you had going on a bit weird now. OH GIRL, HE LOVES YOU, DON'T MIND HIS WORDS🤭

I LOVE CARLY AND BEN

I LOVE HER FRIENDSHIP WITH CARLY THEY ARE EACH OTHERS PERSON

The sight of him making your mouth water as he made his way over to everyone. 🫠🫠🫠🫠

‘Morning all’ he chirped and you sent him a quick smile before going back to reading. It didn’t deter him from flopping down next to you though and when you didn’t look at him, you felt his hand gently trail up your thigh before giving it a quick squeeze. I LOVE THE FACT THAT HE JUST WANTD TO BE NEAR HER AND DOESN'T EVEN DO IT ON PURPOSE

OMG LINGERING TOUCHES IN PUBLICCCCC MASONNNN

‘I said I’m fine’

‘Y/n, I grew up in a house full of women. I know fine doesn’t mean fine’

OH HE LEFT AND WENT TO YHE POOL🥺🥺🥺

This was a tricky situation, lines were a little bit blurry but there was no use being snappy with him for something you knew he meant as a joke and you were being sensitive over. No matter how much he’d made you feel like it was something else, even in this short space of time, you were friends and the friendship comes first. Y/N, TRUST ME YOURE MORE, I PROMISE

He looked up at you instantly, his big brown eyes making your tummy sink so you reached out to gently grasp the back of his head so you could pull him closer to you and he thankfully went with it. Your heart leaping when he settled himself between your legs, arms wrapping around your thighs before he rested his cheek on top of one so he could look up at you. OMG MY BABIESSSSS, MUM AND DAD 3.0 (AFTER AMTC AND GYHAB)

‘I’m fine, I promise’ you reassured him, feeling even worse that he didn't seem to mind your mood swing. He just wanted to make sure you were okay. ‘Maybe I should have stayed in bed a bit longer, huh? I’ll be fine after a nap’ NAPS ARE ALWAYS GOOD BUT BESTIEE ITS TOO SOONNN

‘Hey, naps can be taken anytime of the day’ ‘Very true’ he giggled, squeezing your thighs gently. ‘Let me know when you’re taking one I’ll join you’ I SCREAMED

‘No thanks, waters not really my thing. You should be thankful I’m even sat here’ you laughed before he kissed your thigh and swam back slightly to let you up. HE KISSED HER THIGH

THE SUNCREAM SCENE WAS THE SOFTEST THING EVER

It felt weird having these feelings. Mason was a friend and you knew that. But he was a gorgeous, funny and kind friend with an incredible body and you couldn’t believe you were sat here touching him up like this in front of everyone. Only made worse when his hand reached out to touch your thigh carefully. OMG CAN THEY GET TOGETHER NOW?

‘You didn’t make me anything’ SILLYYYY

‘Well sort of yeah. It’s sort of your job whilst you’re here’ he winked causing you to roll your eyes but you knew he was right. AHHAHAHA POOR GIRL

You knew he was watching you too, his bright brown eyes following you out of the corner of your eye but as soon as you tried to make eye contact, he looked down and a rosy tint began to flush over his cheeks. OMG HE IS THE CUTEST MAN🥺🥺🥺

‘I’ve never noticed how many freckles you have before’ you told him quietly, letting his eyes flicker up to you again before looking away. ‘They’re really pretty, I’m actually very jealous’ you whispered but before he could reply the sound of someone else’s voice caught your attention. I'M JEALOUS TOOOO

BENNNNNNN I LOVE YOUUU😂😂😂

I JUST LOVE HOW MUCH HE LOVES SEEING HER COOKING AND HOW MUCH HE LOVES WHAT SHE COOKS

‘You wait till I tell Lauren that. You won’t be eating for the rest of the week’ Mason teased, watching Dec’s face drop before standing up. SILLY😂

‘I’ll be out in a minute, y/n can keep score’ Mason told him, sending you a quick wink as if he was acknowledging what you told him earlier and once you were both done he quickly helped you wash up before meeting them outside. OMG TGIS MADE ME SO SOFT 🥺🥺🥺 HE CARES ABOUT HER SO MUCH

‘You and Mason seem sweet together’ KAY YOURE MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER

‘Oh trust me, Woody doesn’t shut up about him and then every Tuesday at 8pm on the dot they have their little weekly facetime. Sometimes I think I should be worried’ WOODY MISSES HIS BOYFRIEND

‘Mase you’re all wet’ you complained as you got there, walking round to his side so you were further away from Carly and Ben and hopefully out of ear shot before watching him shake his hair like a dog as he sent you a lopsided smile. I'M PLAYING THAT VIDEO IN MY HEAD

‘I have conditions, and those are that those shorts and that shirt need to come off’ he told you quietly. Fingers dancing over the backs of your legs as he teased you but you figured two could play at that game. MOUNTTTT

‘Perfect’ he smiled, his tongue darting out of his mouth as he looked you up and down before helping you back onto the lounger. He wasn’t sat down for long though, quickly getting up to pull the umbrella over you so you could both be out of the direct sunlight and you smiled to yourself at the thoughtful gesture. ‘I’ll try and have a think about what I want for lunch next’ he teased, laying beside you as you turned to face each other. SHE IS HIS PERSONAL CHEF AHAHHAHA

‘Hey Mase, why don’t I have a FaceTime time slot?’ OHHH I LOVE THAT QUESTIONNNN

‘I can add you to the rota. I’ll have my receptionist send over my availability’ he teased but you just rolled your eyes before turning onto your back. SILLYYYY

‘Very funny’ you huffed, shutting your eyes as you could feel them becoming heavy but the feeling of Mason's pinkie linking yours made your heart thud and when you opened an eye to look at him he was still on his side but his eyes were shut. THE PINKIESSSSSS🥺🥺🥺🥺

You woke up a little while later pressed up against something warm but soft. Opening your eyes to find yourself laying on Mason's chest with your arm across his waist whilst he rested his hand on your back, dangerously close to your bum. OMGGGGGG THEY SLEPT CUDDLED UPPPP

‘I always am’ he smiled. Pressing a light kiss to your forehead as his fingers danced just above the waistline of your bikini bottoms. ‘You’re not a bad sight to wake up to, Muffin’ I'M SCREAMING

‘Don’t go, I’m comfy’ he breathed so you stayed where you were even though you knew it was risky but by the looks of it everyone else was asleep too so you basked in the feel of him while everyone else napped around the pool. HE IS IN LOVEEEEEE🤭🤭🤭🤭

‘Are you joking? I’m an actual dead man. Have your worn this just to taunt me?’’🫠🫠🫠

‘Well that’s one word for it’ he breathed, letting you walk in front before he gripped your hips and placed a kiss behind your ear. ‘I think yellow might be my new favourite colour’ SCREAMINGGGG

HE CUT HER DRINKING 🥺🥺 GO BOYYY

‘I really am. Honestly thank you so much Mason, I’ll never be able to repay you or say thank you enough for letting me come here’ MY GIRL🥺

‘Don’t be silly. You belong here with us’ he teased, bumping his shoulder into yours playfully but you knew he was just feeling a little shy. SHE DOESSS🤭

‘Look mate I’m not gonna lie, you’re ruining my plans’ Dec told him seriously but you both looked back at him unsure as to what he meant. ‘How are we supposed to find y/n a shag when you won’t leave her alone’ DEC....😒

‘I’m not sure yet, but I’m watching you’ OPS

‘No the bloody security alarms going off in the villa. They’ve tried turning it off remotely but they need someone to put a code in. It’s fine it’s not loud or anything and they said it can wait but I’d feel better if I sorted it out. I’ll pop back there now it won’t take me a sec’ OHHHH🤭🤭

‘No these shoes are killing me, I can change them while we’re there’ you replied and that seemed enough for him. SCREAMING

‘I’m wearing flats the rest of this week’ you huffed, looking up to find Mason taking a picture of you but he just shrugged when you raised your brow at him. HE TOOK A PIC OF HER🥺🥺🥺

‘Thanks’ you nodded, pulling your phone out and taking a picture of him unaware and when the flash made him look up you sent him a wink. ‘What? You look cute tonight’ SILLIES I LOVE THEM

‘Can I ask you something? About this morning?’ OMG OK WE'RE HAVING THIS CHAT

‘Are you okay? You know after this morning when you were a bit upset? I know you said you needed a nap but I just wanted to make sure you’re fine’ he explained, your heart melting at his concern for you but you knew you’d have to be honest with him now. ‘I know I keep saying it but it really is fine if you don’t wanna carry on-‘ HE JUST CARES ABOUT HER SOOOOOO MUCH OMG

‘I am, I promise. I just… you said something last night and I couldn’t stop overthinking it but I realised earlier I was being silly and it’s fine. You’ve done nothing Mase, I promise’ SHE SAID IT, GOOD JOB BESTIE

‘That’s okay, you normally do but I’ve learnt to just go with it’ he joked and you playfully scoffed as he tickled your side. MASON😂😂😂

‘No, it does. Sorry I shouldn't have said that I was just trying to be funny’ he told you, rolling his eyes. ‘I’m sorry Muffin, I didn’t mean anything by it’ Let’s just forget about it yeah’ he laughed, placing a kiss to your forehead but wished he’d kissed somewhere else. ‘But if I say something stupid again just tell me’ I JUST NEED SOMEONE LIKE HIM

‘I’ll try. You’re pretty hard to ignore though, Muffin. Especially dressed like this’ NAUGHTYYYY

‘Fuck, don’t do that’ he groaned, laughing as you ran away from him before he could reach for you but the growl that left his lips gave you butterflies. OMGGGG 🤭🤭🤭

THEY HAVE 40 MINUTES 😏🤭

‘Oh really?’ He smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist as he backed you up against the doorframe to your room. ‘You know now that we’re here, we could use this time to our advantage’ NAUGHTYYYY

‘Maybe we could share one? Save water and all that’ you offered, causing him to squeeze your sides playfully. OBVIOUSLY

HA DOESN'T LIKE THE NO KISSING RULE🤭🤭🤭

HE CAN'T STOP KISSIMG HIMMMM

Giggling like kids as you took each other in your arms so you could pick up where you left off outside the bathroom before Mason broke away, fiddling with the shower panel to make it come on so you used this time to kiss over his chest. Sneakily leaving a little love bite by his nipple before you felt his fingers thread through the back of your hair so he could tug you away and his dark eyes made your knees weak as he tutted softly. THE NIPPLE BITE AND THEM GIGGLING 🥺🤭

THAT SMUT, I GASPED OMG🤭🤭🤭

‘Was I too much? I was still thinking about you calling me sir just before and I think I just went a little crazy’ he laughed in your ear, pulling out of you with a hiss so he could pull you straight into his arms and under the running water. Your heart thumping at his sweet gesture. OH HE IS CUTE 🥺

‘Mase, your shoulders look a bit pink’ you told him. His skin feeling hot to the touch and he slightly winced as you stroked his skin. OPS🥺

‘Stay there, I’ll put some after sun on for you’ you told him. Reaching for the bottle on the side so you could apply it but you felt bad as soon as he flinched when the cold cream hit his skin so you rubbed it in as soon as possible. Feeling his muscles relax under your fingers as you massaged him slightly before he looked up at you with his big brown eyes. OMG I'M SCREAMING

‘We weren’t all blessed with clear and baby soft skin like you unfortunately’ you teased, tapping the end of his nose lightly which caused him to blush. ‘Would you like to try some?’ TRUEEEE

‘Okay’ he whispered, watching you with curious eyes as you applied various creams and serums to his face. His hands holding the backs of your legs the whole time and when you were done you pressed a light kiss to the end of his nose without even thinking. SHE KISSED HIS NOSE🥺ANTC FLASHBACKS

‘Do you think we need to tone it down a bit?’ You asked, picking up your cleanser so you could start on your own skincare. ‘I don’t want anyone to suspect anything and I’m pretty sure Dec’s picking up on some vibes’ NOOOOO NEEDDDDD TOOOOO

‘Aww is my little Muffin sleepy’ he teased LITTLE MUFFIN

HAHAHAHAHHAHAH MASONNNNN OMG THE TOWEL SCENE 😂😂😂😂

Bestieeeee

You did it againnnn

They are slowly becoming more and more physical affectionate with each other omg🥺

I love him in this, he just cares about her soooo much and his only aim is to make sure she is fine and enjoying her time off

They had a nap together 🤭 I loved it, and when she woke up with her head on his chest 😭😭

I loved how he stopped her from drinking too much🤭 good boy

And them going back together 😏 that shower was hotttt

And the post sex? That wasn't properly cuddling, but this was a big aftercare moment 🤭

I love themmmmm

Thank you for sharing thissss🩷🩷🩷

HI BESTIE

I’m so glad you’ve fallen in love with them so quickly 😭 they’re so sweet 😭

AND YES like the aftercare was 🥹 them both looking after each other was so special im so glad you liked it

[snugglebuddyhan]

So, me and my mom have apparently been inhaling carbon monoxide for 2 weeks and didn't know it. Our neighbor had a gas leak in her front yard, knew about it and refused to call the city. If we would have known we would have tried to do something about it. Instead, we were completely unaware of the situation. Our house, especially our windows aren't properly ventilated. It's why our house is so hot during the summer and so cold during the winter

The gas seeped through the windows on the left side of the house, which was near the leak and we were breathing it in everyday for 2 weeks. I showed symptoms of being poisoned first. I was light headed and constantly fighting against the urge to hit the floor and pass out. My head was constantly swimming. It was so bad I wouldn't move the slightest inch unless it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't keep my balance and had to hold onto the walls and other objects to walk even the shortest distances. I was constantly tired no matter how much sleep I got. I had brain fog. I was constantly spaced out. Couldn't concentrate no matter how hard I tried. I was agitated. I dissociated a lot. My vision was blurry and would often come and go. I struggled to get my words out and sometimes couldn't get a coherent sentence to come out of my mouth. I had stabbing ice pick like headaches that radiated to my temples and jaw. The joints in my jaw would sometimes become so painful I couldn't open my mouth or even touch the skin around it without wincing in pain. My eyes were either so heavy they would shut on their own or it felt like they were 20x their actual size at all times. It kinda felt like I was looking at everything with my eyes wide open. My breathing wasn't normal. I had chest pains and heart palpitations. I was nauseous, so I hardly ate and any time I was able to eat it made all my other symptoms worse. My legs felt like they were going to collapse on me at any given time, which made walking even harder. They didn't just feel weak, they also hurt, felt agitated, internally shook and they felt hollow inside. My legs weren't the only part of my body affected by what I called "internal tremors" my whole body would sometimes feel like it was shaking like a leaf. It was so bad I couldn't sleep

I just felt like I was slipping away. I later learned my anemia played a major role in how severe my body responded to the gas. My mom showed symptoms next, a few days after me and bc of that we figured it must be a bug going around. Even thought it might be covid, but neither one of us spiked a fever and then we both remembered neither one of us have left the house in weeks nor had anyone come over. We then started wondering if we were diabetic and just didn't know. We thought maybe we had blood pressure problems. It was just a lot of what ifs and constant google searches, bc we had no idea what was happening to us and we were just trying to make sense of it all

Our symptoms ended up getting worse. To the point we were packing bags to go to the emergency room. Even said we should call my brother to take us, bc we weren't well enough to be behind the wheel. My mom hesitated last second. She didn't want to go despite how bad she felt and I didn't either. Last time we went to the hospital it took around 9 hours before anyone saw us. It was dumb, but we decided to see how we felt the next morning and if we still felt bad then we'd go. When we woke up and got to moving around we both felt better. Our symptoms were still present, but not nearly as bad

Someone ended up knocking on the door. It was one of my moms friends. She went outside and talked to her for about 2 hours and when she came back in she had her hands cupped over her mouth in obvious shock. I asked her what happened. Asked if she was feeling bad again or if it was something to do with what her friend said. That's when she told me about the gas leak our neighbor purposely ignored. We just sat in silence for hours trying to process it all. The city came and dug up her yard while we were asleep. The reason we felt better that morning was bc gas was no longer collecting in our house. What's scary is 3 things

1. Someone our neighbor was friends with died a few days ago. Her name was Lee. She had a heart attack coming from our neighbors house and was previously seen stumbling and falling down 3 times in the street days before she died. She would go over to our neighbors house several times a day everyday to let her dogs out to potty while she was at work as well as do outside and inside chores. Within those days I remember seeing her standing near the leak while the dogs were out on several different occasions. She had no known medical conditions. She was healthy as far as everyone knew and she just dropped dead on her porch. We all thought it was odd, but it all makes sense now. She was exposed to the gas far more intensely than us for the 2 weeks it was leaking. She would damn near be on top of it. If we felt so bad we considered going to the hospital imagine how she felt. The gas caused her to have a heart attack and she would still be alive if our neighbor would have just gotten it taken care of. It was not her time. This is the second person our neighbor has killed

2. Lee would sometimes smoke when she took the dogs out. One flick of her lighter could have taken us all out. We could have died. I can't stop thinking about the way we escaped literal death and the way we didn't even know it was waiting around the corner for us as we just went about doing things normally. It's a terrifying perspective to now have

3. We also could have suffered fatal results from our symptoms. If Lee had a heart attack that means it was only a matter of time before we did too. When I say and I stress this IMMENSELY: if you're feeling so bad you're considering going to the hospital, JUST GO. Do NOT hesitate like we did. Something is obviously wrong otherwise the hospital would be the last thing on your mind. Gaslighting yourself into believing you're okay is what gets you killed. We were lucky. Idiotic, but lucky. Don't be that person who gets by on luck, bc one day it will run out

We're better now. We no longer have symptoms, but it was definitely a traumatizing situation to be in. I can't sleep at night, bc my mind is just wracked full of what could have happened if our neighbor would have waited even one more day to call the city. Would we be dead? It's gut wrenching thinking about your death like that just as much as it is thinking about a person you've known all your life being taken away due to someone; her own friends negligence to a problem she was aware of. Lee didn't have to die. She's gone and she shouldn't be. She should still be here with us

[yzafre]

hole in my parachute (big as your heart) | Ch 1

AO3

<< Previous work

Kairi is born into a world where your heart has wings. 

This does not make things better.

She couldn’t really remember learning about wings, not really.  From the moment she woke on Destiny Islands, it was just a fact she knew.  It didn’t take long till she knew her Flight would consist of Sora and Riku, too, sure as the sun came up each morning, sure as the ground beneath her feet.

Her twin lights, cutting through the darkness and guiding her back to herself, guiding her home.

Sora came first.  Bright and cheerful Sora, with eyes bright as the sky.  She couldn’t remember much about those early days, memories lost behind a constant fog and the blurriness of time, but she would always remember this:

Fear curdled in her stomach, the screaming of children turning to something much worse in her ears, until a hand slipped into her own, soft and warm.  His eyes sparkled as he led her away, away from the noise and the fear and the confusion, to somewhere quiet and cool.  He knelt by the cave wall, pressed a rock into her hand, and then he just… drew.

This memory was crystal clear: the cold rock digging into her knees, the scrape of stone, and his smile.  A beaming grin, bright as the sun, burning away the fog.

Her heart thawing, waking up, beating again.

Riku was next.

Confident and bold, fearlessly leading them all into every new adventure, and far too prone to going too far.  When she pointed it out, he turned, eyes piercing into hers, challenging her, dismissing her –

But she was right.

She challenged him right back, steeling herself, sharpening her edges against his, and when she proved herself something turned in that gaze.  Something turned inside her and every breath in her lungs felt fresh and new, stagnation clearing.

Her soul sung, and the world sharpened into focus.

Alive, alive again, she grew.  With every day, week, month, she left the shadows in the past behind her.  She spiraled closer to those two, wonderful boys, their orbits falling into harmony, and she knew they were her future.

Even as a shadow grew on the horizon.

Even as Riku… changed.

She woke up one night as the world screamed.

She didn’t remember much after that – darkness, and cold, and then wonderful, comforting warmth.  Later, she would know that warm, safe refuge was Sora’s heart, but at the time she simply felt like she’d come home.

So, for a long time, she slept.  And when she woke…

He was, he was –

“No,” she begged the sky, the universe, anyone that would listen, “He can’t be gone.  I won’t let him go!”

But the world didn’t care, and the Darkness creeped closer.

“So, you have awakened at last, Princess,” a Dark voice rumbled, and she seethed, turning to face the towering figure appearing in a swirl of shadows, “The Keyhole is now complete.  You have served your purpose; but now, it’s over.”

The man advanced slowly, confidently, the stride of a predator closing in on prey.  The dog and duck around her – Donald, Goofy, how did she know their names? – tried to hold him off, but it all came to nothing.

Just when he was upon them, he froze.

“Impossible!” the man choked as light began to condense before him, spreading, shaping itself into a familiar form, arms stretched wide as he held the monster back.

“No,” Riku gasped, “You won’t – use me for this!”

“Riku!” she called, and he turned, staring at her with a storm in his eyes, pain-regret-guilt, and it scared her, just like it always did, but for a different reason, her heart breaking, pleading no, no, no.

“You have to run, the Heartless are coming!”

She didn’t want to.  She didn’t want to, but already he was fading, just like Sora, and she –

She ran.

The Heartless chased them, but one was different.  Staring into its eyes, her heart sung even as it wailed, and she drew it closer, closer, closer.

She saved Sora.  She brought him back, heart screaming, dragging him back to her side with brilliant light-mineminemine-won’t touch you won’t lose-I see you I recognize you I’ll always know you-don’t leave me-I love you I love you I love you.

She poured everything she had into him, and his arms wrapped around her once more.

They escaped, and Riku was gone, and everything was awful, and Sora wouldn’t let her come with him.  So she waited with Aerith and Yuffie, and when they left she stayed with Merlin and the Fairy Godmother, a cup of tea going cold in her hands, the whole time her heart turning with anxiety, and worry, and fear.

The worlds started reforming, and she saw Sora, one last time.  Riku wasn’t with him.  She swallowed down that loss, the spike of pain shooting through her, holding on to the one she had left as long as she could while the land beneath them literally tore them apart.

He’d come back to her.  He’d promised, they’d both come home.  She knew he’d come back to her.

He had to.

So, Kairi waited.

She waited at the beach, staring out at the sky and dreaming of Sora’s ship appearing.  She waited with Sora’s mom, curled up on her couch with a cup of poorly made tea, tears in both their eyes.  She waited on the pier, sitting silently beside Riku’s dad, unsure what to say, how to explain.

They held a funeral, for Riku.

It took two months before his parents gave in, admitting that there was no way he could have survived the storm – it wasn’t a storm, she wanted to scream, it was the end of the world, but they had to rationalize it somehow, and all they remembered was winds howling, and things breaking, and then waking up.  But then, that didn’t change the end result, did it?  Riku was still…

So, they went from listing him missing to listing him dead.  They held a funeral.

Kairi sat near the front, just a row behind his family, and despite the hole tearing itself through her chest she couldn’t cry.

Why? She thought, Why’d you do it?  Were we not enough?

She waited, and she waited, and she waited, until one day, she –

She wasn’t quite sure what she was waiting for.

Miss Ikumi lived in the house down the road.  Kairi went and visited her every week, though she wasn’t quite sure why.  She just turned up at her door, her feet leading her there without thought.  Every time Miss Ikumi would let her in without question, even though Kairi could see in her eyes she wasn’t sure why it kept happening either.

They’d sit down for tea, making small talk for a while before inevitably slipping into silence.  There they’d stay, long after the drinks had gone cold.  They didn’t have much in common, had no connection at all, and yet, and yet –

“I really should get around to renovating that upstairs room,” Miss Ikumi would sigh, “It’s really not set up to be a proper guest room, right now, with all those children’s toys in it.  I don’t even know why I have them.  And it would give Emilyn somewhere to sleep when she visits.”

Kairi nodded along, offered to help.  They both knew she wouldn’t do it, and they’d have this same conversation next week.

“Dylas is moving in,” Miss Ikumi said one week, “Putting his house up for sale and everything.  It only makes sense, he’s my Flightmate, after all.  And there’s really too much space in this house for just me.”

That’s a shame, Kairi wanted to say, We always loved playing in the tree house in his backyard.  But she wasn’t quite sure who ‘we’ was, so the words stayed locked behind her teeth.

She couldn’t bring herself to return to the play island, no matter how much the other kids asked.  Instead, she would sit on the beach of the main island, staring out at the distant horizon.  It was quiet, there.  The murmur of the town was a distant thing, faded beneath the roar of the waves and the calling of the birds.  She ached, because Riku was – dead? Or was he? it was fuzzy, she couldn’t quite remember – gone, and there was a chasm in her chest, and everything was wrong.

She could feel the other kids’ eyes on her, every time they left, every time they came back to find her in the same place.  Selphie would come and sit behind her as the day slipped into night, as her knees went numb like the hole where her heart should be, until the other girl urged her to her feet, guiding her home.

When school was back in session, Selphie refused to let Kairi drift away.  She dragged her to their table at lunch, goaded her into eating.  Kairi followed along, if only because she couldn’t find a reason to protest.  Then, at the end of the day, she would turn her feet back towards the beach, resuming her silent vigil.

Three months in, Selphie found her there, only this time, she didn’t drag her up.  Instead, she sat with her, long after the moon rose in the sky and the stars appeared on that endless dark blanket.

“Kairi,” she whispered, finally, turning and holding her hand, so, so gently, “Please.  I don’t know how to help you.”

Kairi blinked, turning to Selphie, eyes slowly focusing.  It was like seeing her for the first time.  There were bags under her eyes, and her hands trembled where they held hers.  Kairi didn’t remember her eyes looking so sad.

But it wasn’t just that, was it?  Sad, yes, and tired, too, but more than that she was scared, Kairi realized, watching as Selphie frantically searched her face for something.  She was scared for Kairi.

“I – “ she started, and her voice cracked, eyes burning.  Still, still, she couldn’t cry. “I’m so tired.  And I’m alone.”

“You’re not,” Selphie whispered, “I’m here for you.  You’re my friend.”

The next breath Kairi took shuddered in her chest, and she tipped forward, burying her face in Selphie’s shoulder, shaking in her arms.

“Okay.”

When Selphie dragged her with her for lunch, the next day, Kairi tried, a little bit.  Paid attention to the conversation, responded to a quip.  The faces around her lit up, beaming at her, and oh.  Oh, how could she have forgotten she still had this?  So she tried again – she talked to them, and picked up her hobbies, and helped with homework.  The little vignettes of life consumed her, carrying her along into a brighter world.  And if sometimes she turned to her side, only to get the breath knocked from her lungs by an empty space, there was always someone by her side to pick her back up.  She still couldn’t bring herself to go back to the play island and all its ghosts, but…

Slowly, day by day, Kairi became a little bit more alive.  Little by little, she healed.

She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve a friend like Selphie.

Even as she got better, as she learned to breathe again, there was always a ghost in the back of her mind.  She always felt just a step out of touch.  There was something wrong, something she was missing, something she had lost.  A second grief, sitting beside Riku’s, eating away at her every night, where she woke from nightmares of flashing lights and fanged shadows and sharpsharpsharp key-swords and bright blue eyes.  Every time, she woke up crying – ugly, snotty tears that made her face sticky and her nose stuffy and squeezed her throat till it was hard to breathe.  Now she cried, not for Riku, not for the person who was supposed to be her Flight, but for this nothing, this empty space in her heart, her mind.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, she thought, squeezing her pillow to her chest, You’re literally crying over nothing.

But there was nothing she could do about it but wait for the feeling to pass.

Kairi waited, and she waited, and she waited.

Until, one day, she remembered what she was waiting for.

She rushed to the beach, crouched at the water, could feel Selphie watching her worriedly, fearful of old habits, but this was nothing like that.   This was pure hope in her chest.  A letter in a bottle, written in the dark of the night to Riku-who-was-lost, to the-one-that-was-missing, was pulled from her bag, finally released into the waves, her heart singing.

They weren’t gone, not forever – they would come back to her.  He promised.

Isn’t that right, Sora?

Remembering was like waking up, like coming alive – as if she’d been living with only half a heart, half a mind, half a soul.  Her past snapped into clarity – Sora and Riku, the Dark and the Light, those fuzzy memories of the world reforming.

Riku was gone, yes, but – not dead.

I’m always with you, too.  I’ll save him, and we’ll come back to you, I promise!

They were out there.  Her Flight was out there.

She found herself drawn to the beach once more, staring out over the open waves, but this time she wasn’t empty.  No, she was filled with a frantic energy, spilling out from beneath her skin, begging go, go, go, go.

Is this what Riku felt, all those years?

Footsteps crunched in the sand.

“Waiting for someone?”

Kairi blinked, coming back to reality.  A stranger stood beside her – tall, lanky, with fire-red hair spilling wildly around his shoulders.  His eyes burned, much like she thought hers might.

“Yes.  Although, I’m starting to think… maybe waiting isn’t good enough.”

“My thoughts exactly!  If you have a dream, don’t wait.  Act,” the stranger grinned down at her, for a moment his mouth stretching wide wide too wide, a flash of sharp teeth against a bloody expanse.  It disappeared in the time it took her to blink, and she almost thought she’d imagined it – only, the façade of friendliness couldn’t hide the hunger in his gaze as he leaned in closer, intent.

“We’ve got something in common, Kairi.  You and I both miss someone we care about,” and he laughed, an empty sound, “Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.”

Her stomach dropped, a cold dread creeping up her spine.

“Who are you?”

“Name’s Axel, got it memorized?  I happen to be an acquaintance of Sora.  Why don’t we go see him?”

Flickering motion caught the corner of her eye, whitest white against the pale sands, but she couldn’t take her gaze off the predator in front of her, his eyes burning-empty-hungry.

“How do you know I’m waiting for Sora?  How do you know my name?”

Immediately, all pretense at the friendly stranger fell away, the man’s posture going slack, still, dead as he clicked his tongue.  Around him, the white shadows sprung from the earth, wriggling through the air – like heartless in the inverse.

“This could have been so easy.  The offer was genuine, you know?  I really am going to take you to Sora, no matter what.”

“No!”  There was a tearing sound as a blur appeared from behind, jumping between them.  A red cloak fluttered in the wind, covering this new stranger as she spread her arms wide, voice breaking, “You can’t!”

“Naminé,” The man drawled, “Interfering again?  I thought you, of all people, would understand.”

“But this isn’t right!” the girl cried.  She turned, desperate bright blue eyes meeting Kairi’s, who grew dizzy as her heart cried out, youyouyou, I know you, “Please, we have to go!”

Kairi stuttered, trying to think through the chaos in her head, “But – Is Sora – “

“Sora’s fine.  He’s with people who are looking after him.  But we can’t let people like the Organization use you against him.  You’ll see him again, I promise, but please!”

The girl offered her hand, pleading, as the other reached towards the dark tear in reality she appeared out of.  From the corner of her eye, the stranger began to move.  Heart in her throat, Kairi slipped her hand into a palm as familiar as her own.  Fire sparked along the sands; the white shadows leapt towards them –

And they were consumed by Darkness.

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