#i like the song during the verses but i HATE the hook like girl i know you're nct wish i typed your lil name into youtube & everything

[horangslay]

nct wish debut starting with a white woman jumpscare legitimately confused the shit out of me

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Unreleased Ranking (5)

This is a re-ranking of Lana's unreleased songs, after making a first a few years ago. This is all my opinion, which I don't mind anyone disagreeing with but don't come for me for it - honestly, I like every song, despite any criticism, and this ranking is very vague. It's based on objective and subjective opinion.

This is the fifth of five posts, with my favourites.

Wild One

Lana is nostalgic without the sadness, remembering how she’d shake it for Mike but is embracing her freedom. She lets country influence seep through her voice and her uncomplicated instrumentals – it would be an unsurprising addition to Chemtrails

True Love On The Side

Though simple in structure and lyrics, it’s more Lana’s grittier rock sound and her incredible vocals that make this one of my favourite unreleased tracks. Lana lets herself go and goes full pop rock chick for this track, whilst keeping in with her ‘other woman’ trope that makes the song still familiar despite its departure from her usual music.

Driving In Cars With Boys

Dripping in nostalgia, Driving In Cars With Boys makes you yearn for the kind of 1950s/1960s era Lana often laments over. Lana is a bad girl just having fun, doing what she pleases and giving in to her vices, and it’s this kind of song that is relatable in its escapism and desire to just do what you please. There are two versions, one with a more monotone chorus that matches the rest of the verses and another where Lana sings in a higher register, letting her cheerful, breezy love for driving with the boys shine through in her vocals.

Angels Forever Forever Angels

Perfect for Paradise, Angels Forever Forever Angels has that slow, rhythmic summer drive feel, a relaxed version of Ride which also has associations with the bikers that feature in both the music video for Ride and the lyrics to this unreleased song. It’s dreamy but grounded by Lana’s patriotic love for the grungier side of Americana.

Hollywood

It has a breathy chorus you could sing to, the feeling of a summer evening and blue skies. The ever building and dropping beat that keeps the song ticking as restlessly as Lana’s hopes and dreams gets me feeling pumped as much as her emphasised, dragged out “Hollywood” in the chorus makes me soothed. Lana is wishing for fame and fortune but it has the feel of an eighties American teen movie, iconic and deserving of a cult following.

Yes To Heaven

Hazy like a daydream, Yes To Heaven is made of sunlight and soft grass, closer to nature than the spotlights of Lana’s often alcohol-soaked, money drenched stages. Lana’s voice is tentative until it shimmers in the chorus, and though it was made for Ultraviolence, it wouldn’t be out of place on the shining beacon of hope that is Lana’s positive turn, Lust For Life.

Life Is Beautiful

This gorgeous song was intended for Age of Adaline’s trailer, and it’s been years of waiting for the full song to be released. Now we have it, it’s certainly worth the wait. Dreamy and soft, this track is a timeless classic that could underwhelm from it’s gentle feel but works perfectly well as a pure little love song.

On Our Way

Stripped back and with a country twang, Lana doesn’t add fuss and frills to this song, instead just crooning precisely how she feels in the kind of song that keeps you daydreaming for hours. Not even the smattering of her favourite imagery (Chevrolets and K-Mart lip gloss) overshadows the love that’s at the forefront of this track.

Never Let Me Go

Like On Our Way, Never Let Me Go has the country twang and stripped back feel that makes this a more subdued song, her lyrics shining even more. Lana’s additional strings layer this song well and her comparisons to the dangerous couple that is Sid and Nancy gives this track an edge, keeping it from being too frothy.

French Restaurant

A piano ballad, Lana strips back the hurt of Without You and dual dedication of Video Games to sing about how fame matters so little to her while she’s torn between two men. Her voice is beautiful and it does well to be so minimal in its production, her emotion driving the song clearly enough. Especially pretty are the backing vocals of the choruses, echoes of her thoughts that hammer home her broken feelings.

Trash Magic

Lana’s delicate and soft vocals help tie into the Lolita-esque character Lana often plays in her music. It has a similar feel to 1949, dripping with her delicious imagery, and wouldn’t be out of place on AKA Lizzy Grant. Lana is the fragile ‘daddy’s girl’ again in this song, and the sharp yet soothing music in the background sets the tone for a quiet trailer park night.

Us Against The World

Though fairly chilled out, Lana still hooks listeners with her characterisation of waitress by day/stripper by night, a dangerous girl tempting an equally dangerous guy. Lana drips sexiness in this song and though it’s not as exciting as some of her other unreleased pop hits, it is perfect for the Del Rey character.

Your Girl

Much like Caught You Boy, Lana is desperate for a man she can’t have but is instead a complete wreck. Lana just repeats over and over how she wishes she was this man’s girl, practically pleading after describing how she needs to be led off the stage from falling apart. Yet it’s still sultry, still passionate, and is topped off by her honey-like vocal demonstration in the bridge and the chorus.

Roses

Lana is the other woman with a twist – instead of moping about her man (Other Woman, Sad Girl) she is taking action. Fighting against him, not letting him go without making some noise and getting rid of his girlfriend, Lana storms into the song with a vengeful wrath and calls him out for his poor attempts at apologies. When this song first came out, I adored it, since it was the exact kind of strong-girl track I wanted from her with a great hook and all the right Lana-isms. Now, I still get that thrill listening to this song and its kick-ass fuck-you to the man she loves.

Playing Dangerous

The churning drums, the spoken verses and the coy vocals set this song apart from her others. It falls shorter during the choruses, the verses being the best parts of the track, but the way Lana interacts with the listener ultimately and is a more direct character of ‘innocent’ seductress who might actually be downright bad (arson is hinted).

Serene Queen

Lana is unbothered and unruffled, as collected as she is in Put Your Lips Together but this time with a definite Ultraviolence/Honeymoon feel. Lana is unshaken by the blazing guns, instead completely calm with her dangerous lover, questioning why he even has a problem in the first place. As it picks up in the chorus, almost smirking, it becomes one of her finer unreleased songs yet.

Ave Maria

This is just an instrumental but there’s something so beautifully haunting about it. It wouldn’t be out of place in a Hollywood movie, with shades of the Lolita soundtrack instantly coming to mind when it first starts. It even works well without singing, and I hope we get a full version soon.

Puppy Love

From the perspective of a Marilyn Monroe figure, Lana plays the teenage girl wishing for a traditional romance with her lover. It’s ever-so-adorable, harking back to the sweeter parts of the fifties, but there’s a sense of sadness throughout it. Under the surface of the puppy love is the reality that the references to Monroe do not forget her sadness, loneliness and ultimately her overdose. The tone shifts to such an unhappiness in the bridge, directly calling back to Monroe’s phone call shortly before she overdosed, twisting the song to something more melancholic.

Cherry Blossom

The lullaby that grew into the marvellous, completed Cherry Blossom is a lovely tribute to someone small and beloved. Though Lana doesn’t have children yet, the care in her voice and each of her heart-warming compliments and promises is still thoroughly enjoyable – and comforting.

Colour Blue

In a song that reminds me of the love/hate relationship of Norman Fucking Rockwell, Lana takes her time to question why she loves the men that she does and, ultimately, grow from it, beginning to want something different. It’s raw and personal, with a gushing chorus that is complimented fully by the guitar. This song is blue all over, from Lana's opening harmonisation to her abrupt, unhappy ending.

Paradise

This song is, of course, pure paradise. A summery beat, a flippant Lana simply enjoying her lover no matter how long she’ll have him for and her coos of “sick!” and “that’s dope!” make this into a tasty distraction fit for the sunny months. Her casualness in this track is fresh as well as the dance-happy music that she doesn’t often create in her albums.

Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight

Lana is the waitress with a crush in this bop of a track, trying to convince a guy to get with her instead of that “bitch”. Convincing she is, as she uses all of her charm, wit and insistence that there’s no promises behind her intentions to have a good time with him. It’s just a breath of fresh air compared to a lot of her music, not too heavy and perfectly polished. It’s self-assured as much as it is breezy, and calm as it is it’s still a riot to listen to.

Caught You Boy

A dream-esque confession of desire, obsession and pure, crazy love, Lana isn’t outright insane in this track (Kinda Outta Luck, Jealous Girl, Serial Killer) but she hints towards being slightly too attached to her beau and describing herself as an army of one. The song is sweet and flowery but there’s a sadness and danger to it that keeps it from being too sugary.

Fine China

Some of Lana’s best lyrics are in Fine China as she sings of her fractured relationship, unhappy wedding and many beautiful yet easily broken things. It’s a slow, unfussy ballad but her strong voice and stunning lyrics make it so much more than a throwaway unreleased song.

Thunder

What feels like a coming-of-age slow dance song but is ultimately a choir-backed break-up track. Lana’s lyrics are clever and her voice is the perfect complement to The Last Shadow Puppets, this combined work a sure hit that deserves some kind of release and recognition. Lana is frustrated but tender as she leads the song with plenty of presence.

Prom Song Gone Wrong

The fifties feel, the teenage romance, the warm and gorgeous vocals that switch from dreamily longing to a cheeky talk-rap suggest this is a song tied tightly to Puppy Love, except with a more hopeful feel to it. Lana is ready to leave and she wants her lover to come with her, and even if it’s a youthful mistake there’s no mistaking that the love she – and her man – feels is real. It’s a pretty dedication to the kind of head-spinning romance of younger years, though it has an edge to it. Lana’s choruses are desperate, her pleading genuine and the strange way the music builds and collapses right at the end give the illusion all isn’t the sunshine and rainbows Lana sings of – and hopes for.

[sometimesiwritebadly]

Doctor Agent Super Genius (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Summary: You’re in a band and you wrote a song about Spencer. 

Warnings: Language. 

Notes: Not me going from posting nothing for months to posting two fics in one day. Nope, I’d never do that. Also this is kinda a Dumbass!Reader x Spencer, but like not really. That’s how I started it but it didn’t really end like that so whatever. Fluff, as usual. Spencer blushes way more than any normal person.

Word Count: 2.4k

Masterlist

You and Spencer couldn’t be more different.

Well, that’s not entirely true. You’re the same age, live in the same city. You both like reading and sci-fi. You both listen to a lot of music and love your jobs.

Of course, you can’t agree on any of those things. He reads classic novels in their original languages, and you read cheesy romance books. He likes Star Trek, you like Star Wars. He listens to classical music, and you listen to rock. He’s an FBI agent with multiple doctorates, and you’re a part time bartender/part time lead singer of a not-so-famous band who barely graduated high school. By all accounts, you two shouldn’t work. But somehow, despite all your differences, you’ve been dating for nearly a year now. 

Your relationship really couldn’t be stronger; you live together, you’ve met his mother, he’s met your parents- but there was still one line the two of you hadn’t crossed. Meeting his coworkers. You know that he’s told them he’s dating someone, after all, they’re profilers. They could tell he was with someone after your first date. But for some reason, Spencer was still hesitant to introduce them to you. You tried not to let your insecurities cloud your thoughts, but well, how could you not? Was he embarrassed by you? Did he think they’d judge you for your lack of education and career? Would he break up with you if they didn’t approve?

You’d brought up meeting his coworkers on multiple occasions, of course, but he always had a reason to put it off. 

“We’re all so busy, we’d probably get called off to a case before they even get to know you.” 

“They’re just gonna profile you, Y/N, trust me, you don’t want that.”

“It’s a team bonding thing, I don’t want you to feel left out. Next time?”

So, when you found out the entire BAU was getting a week off after almost non-stop cases for the past two months, you knew this was your chance. You didn’t care if they were going to judge you, or profile you, you wanted to get to know the people closest to Spencer. So, when Spencer came home that night, he was met with you, holding a flyer for your band’s next gig.

~~~

“What’s this?” He asked, taking off his bag and putting it on the ground next to the door. Normally, you’d scold him for that - “There’s a perfectly good hook right there, Spencer.” - but you let it slide this time. 

“Band’s doing a gig at the bar on Friday. And you have this week off, which means you get to come!” You handed him the flyer, and planted a kiss on his cheek as he answered.

“Of course, you know I never miss your-”

“And so can the rest of the BAU!” You cut him off with a sweet, and convincing smile on your face. 

“Honey…” He started, but you wouldn’t let him talk you out of it this time.

“C’mon Spence! We’ve been together for almost a year now! I want to get to know these people, they’re basically your family! What’s the harm in having them come to the bar?” You paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before your next words, “Do you really think they’ll hate me so much?”

“What?” Spencer was shocked you would even suggest that the BAU wouldn’t like you - how could they not love you? “No! They’ll love you!”

“Then why won’t you let me meet them?”

Now it was Spencer’s turn to share his insecurities. “W- I just...you and I are so different,” He started, before you scoffed.

“Yeah, no shit, Spence. Unless you have secret nipple piercings too.” You said sarcastically, enjoying the redness that covered Spencer’s cheeks at the mention of your piercings. 

“Anyways...you and I are really different, and they’ll point it out. And make fun of me. And..and probably make you realize that you could do better than nerdy old me.” Spencer let out a breath at his confession, feeling a weight leave his chest that he’d been carrying for months. 

“Are you insane? Spence, if anyone can do better it’s you!” Spencer opened his mouth to protest, but you kept talking, “I mean really Spencer, you’re a badass FBI agent! You’re a doctor! You’re a genius! Any girl would kill to have a guy like-” Spencer cut you off with an intense kiss. When he finally pulled away, just for a moment, he spoke quietly.

“So Friday, huh? You really wanna meet them?”

“Yes, you idiot. I really wanna meet them.”

~~~

When Friday came rolling around, you were both extremely excited and nervous. On one hand, you were meeting the BAU, who are practically Spencer’s family, and you knew their opinion of you could make or break your relationship. But, you’d written a song this week that you had yet to show Spencer, and you couldn’t wait for him to hear it at the gig. Again, you were nervous for him and the team to hear the song, but part of being a musician is being vulnerable.

You’d been rehearsing the song with your band all week - they were a little mad that you’d wanted to add a brand new song so last minute, but they all agreed it was good enough that it had to be on the setlist - so you hadn’t gotten to spend as much of Spencer’s week off with him as you’d have liked. Hopefully when he heard the song tonight, he’d forgive you for it. 

“Why can’t I go to your sound check again?” He asked you for the fifth time that day, as you were getting ready for your gig. Normally, you’d love to have Spencer at sound check, and he much preferred watching you perform when there wasn’t an obnoxious crowd surrounding him.

“I told you, I have a surprise for you during the show, and if you come to sound check-”

“It’ll be ruined, I know. I was just hoping you’d change your mind.” He pouted, making you almost regret saying no to him. Almost.

“Trust me babe, it’ll be worth it. Go to dinner with the team, and I’ll meet you all at the bar at 8.”

“Are you sure you want to meet them?”

“Yes, genius, I’m sure. 8 o’clock.”

“Okay, 8 o’clock.”

~~~

When you walked onto the small stage with the band, you could immediately spot Spencer and the BAU in the crowd. There was a decent turn out, but Spencer stood out like a sore thumb. At least, he always stood out to you. You gave him a smile and wink, before standing in front of the mic to introduce the band. 

The set started like normal, playing the songs Spencer knew by heart (of course, he only needed to hear the songs once to know them by heart, but it still made your heart soar when you saw him singing the lyrics in the crowd). You noticed the other members of the BAU enjoying the songs as well, which settled your nerves greatly. You saw who you could only assume to be Garcia and Morgan dancing provocatively together, the two other women - probably Prentiss and JJ - dancing modestly together, pausing to talk every now and then. You recognized Rossi from the back cover of his books, enjoying the music with a scotch and a slight bobbing of his head to the beat. The last person, from the process of elimination, Hotch, didn’t appear to be enjoying himself at first glance - but you could see a hint of a smile on his face as he lightly swayed to the music. 

When you got to the final song in your set, you were looking right at Spencer as you introduced the song. “So, this next song is gonna be the last of the night -” A roar of upset came from the crowd, causing you to laugh as you wiped the sweat from your forehead. “I know, I know, I’m not happy about it either guys. But, it is a brand new song, and the inspiration for it is right here in the room.” The crowd grew in excitement this time, looking around at each other as if they could figure out who the mystery muse was. Spencer already felt a blush growing on his cheeks as he realized what your surprise was going to be. “This song is called Doctor Agent Super Genius!” You said with a large smile on your face, as the guitarist began playing the beginning chords. 

Spencer’s blush was even more obvious now, especially since all his coworkers had looked away from the stage and towards him. He only shrugged in response, trying to show that he knew nothing about it. Before any of them could question him, you began to sing.

Most girls go for tall, dark, and handsome

But that’s not how I’d describe you

You’re a little scrawny,

Your hair is kinda funny,

And you’ve got enough brains for two

The music began to build, and you were looking right at Spencer as you sang.

You talk my ear off about random facts

That I don’t give a shit about, but, 

I’ll smile and nod

As you go on and on

Cause I want you to take me out

You laughed a little, then began playing your own guitar along with the lead guitarist before the chorus hit.

You see he’s got 

1 2 3!

PHDs, and he knows exactly what I’m thinkin’ just by lookin’ at me

He knows everything about everything

Especially what to do in between the sheets, hey!

As you played your guitar and did your best to interact with the crowd before the next verse hit, Spencer’s blush had hit an all time high. The team, clearly enjoying the suggestive lyrics and the way Spencer had reacted to them, were now all dancing. Well, except Hotch. He was just laughing at Spencer along with the team.

You claim that you don’t have luck with girls

But I don’t see how that’s true

Cause those ladies are insane if they don’t want an agent

Who’s as fucking cute as you

Yeah, you talk my ear off about random facts

That I don’t give a shit about, but

I’ll smile and nod, ask a question or two,

Cause I’m kind of in love with you

Once again, you played guitar as the crowd got ready to sing along, now familiar with the words to the chorus. Spencer wasn’t looking, but Garcia had pulled out her phone to catch his reaction. (She already had plans to play the video at your wedding one day)

You see he’s got 

1 2 3!

PHDs, and he knows exactly what I’m thinkin’ just by lookin’ at me

He knows everything about everything

Especially what to do in between the sheets

Because he’s got

1 2 3!

PHDs, so he shoulda known better than to be with someone like me

He’ll never forget a single moment of it

I just hope he won’t regret it…

Dear God, please don’t regret it!

Doctor Agent Super Genius,

It’s time to be an idiot and,

Fall in love with me

The lead guitarist had one last moment to shine as the song ended, and the crowd went wild before the band exited the stage. 

~~~

It had been 15 minutes since your show had ended, and you finally made your way out of the back. After a change of clothes, and a small pep talk from the drummer in your band, you spotted Spencer and the team at a table in the back. As you made your way over, you caught the eye of Penelope Garcia, who immediately stood up and pulled you into an unexpected hug.

“Y/N Y/L/N! I am so excited to finally meet you!” She said, letting you go for only a brief moment before pulling you into a chair between herself and your boyfriend. He only got to give you a brief hello before Penelope began introducing you to everyone. “This is Derek, Emily, JJ, Rossi, and Hotch. Oh! And I’m Penelope, your new best friend.” You laughed at her excitement, taking it all in stride.

“Hi everyone, I’m Y/N. I hope you liked the show!” At the mention of the show, Spencer’s cheeks, which had only just begun to resemble his normal skin tone, turned red again. 

“Oh trust me, Y/L/N, that was the best concert I’ve ever seen.” Derek said, laughing at Spencer’s reaction. 

“You did amazing, as always.” Spencer said, glaring at Derek briefly before planting a light kiss on your cheek. This time, it was your turn to have your cheeks heat up. 

“Please tell me you guys have a CD or something I can buy, I mean honestly, I’d be listening to your music even if it wasn’t for you dating the super genius.” Emily said, causing your face to light up.

“We don’t have any physical CDs yet, but all of our music is on itunes and spotify! We’re hoping to put together an album soon, once we record Doctor Agent Super Genius and a couple other songs we’ve written recently…” And you were off, talking about your music was always something you could do for hours. 

As you got to know the team, and they got to know you, Spencer realized how stupid it had been of him to put this off. Sure, you and Spencer were completely different, but you fit into his life perfectly. He could already tell the team loved you, and knew you’d be a part of all of their lives for years to come.

~~~

When you got home after a long night of talking at the bar, you were surprised to immediately be pulled into a kiss by your boyfriend. When he finally pulled away from you, your could only laugh before you spoke.

“What was that for?”

“Doctor Agent Super Genius.” Was his answer, before he pecked your lips one more time.

“Oh yeah? Did you like the song?” You asked, even though you already knew the answer.

“I loved it. Although, you got something wrong.” You laughed lightly, expecting him to correct some grammar or fact from the song. “Falling in love with you wasn’t stupid. It’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done.” You beamed before kissing him this time, pouring all of your love into it as best you could.

“But you were right about me knowing everything. Especially in between the sheets. Care to let me prove it?” He said once you pulled away. 

You happily let him prove his genius all night.

~~~

taglist: @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @la-vie-en-amour1 @peculiarinsomniac @andreasworlsboring101 @rexorangecouny @rosyskies

[elizabethvaughns]

I listened to if then recently and I'm CONFUSED. I also watched a bootleg wich didn't help since I'm not really good in English and the bootlegs have bad audio quality. Do you have tips how I can understand it? Or can you explain it?

It seems like a cool musical and I wanna understand it so badly!!!

if you want me to explain it, i'd be happy to :)

(when i first watched it, i only understood some of the dialogue but i didn't know about the libretto so i just browsed the tumblr tag and hoped for the best lmao.)

i'd recommend reading the libretto of the musical if you want the exact dialogue, lyrics, and locations.

@ifthenslashers has it linked in their pinned post (thank you for that, by the way💙. your resources are very helpful :))

but the libretto is very long, so i'll try to summarize it best i can(under the cut).

i hope this is helpful!

elizabeth vaughn moves back to new york city after divorcing her husband oren after 12 years. as he's waiting for her, her best friend (and ex-boyfriend this is relevant), lucas talks to this kindergarten teacher, who walked up to him and started talking to him. when elizabeth comes to the park(they're meeting in a park), both lucas and kate(the kindergarten teacher) walk up to her. it turns out that kate is elizabeth's neighbor. kate asks elizabeth to go with her and meet new romantic prospects, have fun. she calls her liz. lucas(a housing activist) asks elizabeth to come with him to meet the other members of the new york citizens for change and to go to his street action in the subway. he calls her beth. this is where the timelines diverge.

liz-verse (liz chooses kate):

so liz goes with kate to get coffee. josh barton, an army doctor who just came back from his second tour, walks up to liz. he awkwardly flirts with her. liz gets a call from a number with the area code (347). she doesn't recognize it so she doesn't pick it up. josh asks for liz's number, liz says it's a new number so she doesn't know it, josh asks her if she believes in fate, she says she doesn't, she walks away. ("what if?")

the next day, liz, kate, and anne (kate's girlfriend) are on the way to brooklyn on the subway. the subway car stops for a bit due to a street action (lucas's group's). the three talk about men, and kate keeps pointing out different men on the subway. josh(also on the subway) walks up to liz. again awkwardly flirts. he's from nebraska(are any falsettos mutual reading this? if so, you know exactly what i'm thinking of lmao). kate conducts an instant public poll about fate and whether liz should take josh's number. liz eventually gives in and takes josh's number. ("it's a sign")

over the course of the next few days? weeks? kate sets liz up on various blind dates. during one of them, liz sees josh in the distance. she runs up to him and hugs him in a last-ditch attempt to end that date. she pretends josh is a very old friend of hers, josh plays along. it's been three times that the two met now. josh asks liz out, she says yes, they go on a date that very evening. they end it at liz's apartment("map of new york"). liz expresses her apprehension with...relationships due to the probabilities. josh basically says "you never know"(bc that's the name of the song) and you can never really tell what's going to happen. ("you never know")

soon, josh and liz go on a date to a baseball game(yes, my dear falsettos mutuals, that is absolutely correct). kate, anne, and lucas tag along. soon enough, josh and liz set lucas up with josh's best friend, david. lucas and david hit it off. ("ain't no man manhattan")

liz and josh hang out in liz's apartment, again. josh reveals that he was on the way to the airport when he was on the subway that day and he didn't go back to nebraska bc of her. they make out, liz runs into the bathroom to get her shit together, they....do the do.("what the fuck?").

the next morning, they wake up. they talk about their relationship. they say "i love you".("here i go")

in a few weeks?(by my best estimation), it's liz's birthday! lucas sees liz pouring her champagne out of her glass and confronts her about it. he and david find out she's pregnant. david asks lucas to move in. he says yes. liz tells josh about the pregnancy. kate proposes to anne. she says yes. josh proposes to liz. she says yes. ("surprise")

a c t t w o

josh and liz get married! ("this day/walking by a wedding")

liz is pregnant(duh). she reads in the newspaper that the idiot mayor's nephew's incompetence with city planning cost the life of a child. josh sings about his excitement for a kid, they have their first son, jake. ("hey kid")

time skip some two years.

liz and josh had a second kid, cooper. lucas and david are babysitting jake. lucas is riding on a skateboard with the stroller. liz is (justifiably) bewildered. david's like he's belted in and has a helmet, he's safe. liz and jake go back home, bc liz is free due to spring break(she teaches urban planning in a uni) and josh is on days.

david talks to lucas about having a kid. lucas is apprehensive because...reasons. they sing "best worst mistake" which is objectively the cutest song in the whole show. they say "i love you" to each other for the first time. ("best worst mistake")

josh gets deployed. liz is mad, she tells him to quit. he says he can't. soon enough, he has to go. after some time, some officers come to liz's door, tell her josh died due to an rpg attack on the medical facility. lucas helps her with the kids, she tells him to go, stay with david. ("i hate you")

(sidenote: i'm on the verge of tears rn bc i'm speedrunning the whole musical in my head. sorry.)

liz is grieving for josh. ("you learn to live without")

the gang(minus anne) goes to josh's funeral. it turns out kate and anne divorced because anne was cheating on kate. kate and lucas ask liz about giving josh an honor guard. she says that he wanted to be cremated and have his remains scattered over the platte river in nebraska(who even knew there was a river in nebraska?). david says that he's imagined his life without josh the past few weeks: josh was his best friend, he introduced him to the man he loves, etc. he asks liz that if she met josh the next day while still knowing that she would lose him, would she avoid taking that chance to avoid the loss, or take the chance anyways? ("what would you do?"). lucas, kate, and david go to get the car. liz has a revelation, of sorts. she promises josh to "start over" with her life every day, and, in a sense, not wallow in the what-might-be's("always starting over").

time skip a few months. liz meets stephen(you'll find out who he is, soon enough) and his wife cathy. he offers her a job in the department of city planning. she takes it. lucas and david are walking in the park with their kid, huck, in the background. lucas walks up to liz, sits down, they talk. lucas reveals he's always been a bit in love with her, liz is surprised. they are the brotp and i love them. ("what if?(reprise)")

the end.

beth-verse(beth chooses lucas):

beth gets a call, area code (347). lucas informs her it's the nyc area code. she picks up. it's stephen, one of beth's old friends from grad school. he offers her a job under him as deputy director of city planning. lucas tells her not to go because he doesn't like stephen and he thinks a job with the city does not make enough of an impact. beth and lucas reminisce about their college days. lucas kisses beth. josh, who is seen walking toward beth in the background, walks away. beth recoils. it's all awkward. beth says she'll still come to the street action. ("what if?")

lucas and beth get bench warrants because of the street action.

beth goes to meet stephen. she's a bit hesitant at first bc she doesn't have experience. but she interviews for the job and she gets it. kate sets beth up on numerous blind dates. on one of them, she discreetly texts lucas to help her out. he comes, she runs up to him and hugs him, the date takes his leave. lucas and beth head to lucas's apartment. beth gets a text from stephen. lucas is still miffed about beth taking a city job. lucas tells her it's a bad idea to get involved with the boss. beth denies that she is in the first place. ("map of new york")

time skip. a couple weeks.

the nycc is protesting the redevelopment of the far west side (bc,,, gentrification). a project that, coincidentally, beth is working on.

beth and stephen go to a baseball game. stephen asks beth to convince lucas to back down from the project. beth does so by promising lucas to introduce him to an editor she knows if he backs down from the project.

time skip, the project is a success. ("ain't no man manhattan")

a few weeks? later, stephen comes to beth's place with some plans. she kisses him. he kisses back. he leaves bc he's married. beth calls lucas, who comes right by.

beth and lucas hook up. ("what the fuck?")

beth tells lucas she's sent in her resignation. he tells her that even though he despises stephen, this cannot be the reason that she quits.

lucas wants to know the status of their relationship, beth claims it was purely a one-time thing. lucas tells her he loves her even if she doesn't love him back and that he will always be there for her. ("you don't need to love me")

beth goes to work. she hires a young grad, elena. kate comes in, tells her that she's her kindergarten class's american hero. stephen comes to beth with the resignation, she rips it up. stephen asks beth to do the speech for the project bc the deputy mayor resigned and he has to step up (which means beth is the new director of city planning! yay!). ("no more wasted time")

it's beth's birthday! beth, kate, anne, elena, and lucas have a small get together. when lucas is off getting the cake, the girls find out that beth is pregnant(because...lucas). beth is confused bc she doesn't know what to do with the pregnancy and the job opportunity. elena tells her to follow what she wants to do. lucas is smashed. he asks beth to move in with him. she refuses. he proposes. again, she refuses. ("surprise")

(it is implied that kate proposes to anne here as well)

a c t. t w o

beth walks by a wedding and contemplates shit about weddings.("this day/walking by a wedding") she aborted the pregnancy.

beth is babysitting elena's kid. elena tells beth that she's moving with her husband to oregon. beth is upset because elena reminds her a lot of herself.

2.5 years after the end of act one, we see lucas in the park. he has published his book. a young woman(paulette) comes up to him, asks for an autograph, implies he's old, you know how it goes. beth walks up to lucas. we learn that lucas has avoided all contact with beth bc he had to grapple with the fact that she aborted the fetus. lucas asks beth if she had, at least, thought about the possibility of the two having a kid together. the two contemplate various alternate universes. beth asks if they can still stay friends. lucas wonders if this was his last chance at love. he walks away. he almost runs into a bicyclist—david. ("some other me")

beth is at an awards ceremony preparing to receive an award. stephen comes to say hi. he asks her to come work with him in albany. beth refuses. we learn that stephen has divorced his wife, cathy. ("map of new york(reprise)")

(ok i'm crying again one sec)

beth learns to cope with being alone(romantically).("you learn to live without")

she goes on a flight to london, which has to make an emergency landing in maine. kate decides to divorce anne because she was flirting with someone else(and kate thinks anne doesn't love her anymore). beth calls lucas, and they mend their friendship.("the moment explodes")

lucas tells beth that kate and anne are getting divorced. beth rushes to the bookstore where the two are dealing with the papers. she convinces them not to get divorced. ("love while you can")

a few weeks later, beth, lucas, kate, and anne meet in the park. kate won the nyc teacher of the year award. beth is planning to run for the city council. josh, who just returned from his third tour overseas, walks up to beth. he says hi, asks her out. she says yes, but her friends are waiting for her. lucas and kate pretend to be engrossed in their own thing. beth agrees to go on a date with josh that very day. ("what if?(reprise)")

the end.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1976

Under the cut.

Bay City Rollers – “Saturday Night” -- January 3, 1976

They prove they can spell Saturday a lot. Anyway, he's going out to dance with his girl on Saturday night. The song is bouncy to a fault -- I feel like the repetitive, samey beat is following one of those balls the mind-controlled kids bounced in A Wrinkle in Time. It sounds like a cheerleading chant. Something to do aerobics to, not to dance to.

C.W. McCall – “Convoy” -- January 10, 1976

So, besides the cb radio fad, 1976 was also the year of the OPEC oil crisis and basically, it seems the reason truckers became folk heroes evading The Man in popular consciousness had its roots in international relations. Anyway, it's a baritone story song, but about truckers instead of cowboys. I like the verse, "Well, we shot the line and we went for broke/ With a thousand screamin' trucks/ An' eleven long-haired Friends o' Jesus/ In a chartreuse micro-bus." It's a silly song with a lot of trucker lingo (or fake trucker lingo, idk), and I don't exactly dislike it, but I'm not gonna listen to it again either.

Barry Manilow – “I Write The Songs” -- January 17, 1976

It's obvious from the first lines "I've been alive forever/ And I wrote the very first songs" that Barry's not singing about himself. It turns out "music" wrote the all the songs. Except that's obnoxious too. People wrote the songs. Also possibly birds, but definitely people. And it's musical goo.

Diana Ross – “Theme From Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going To)” -- January 24, 1976

It's a song about regretting letting an ex go, and probably more. There's a ton of orchestration that sounds like it belongs in a lightweight movie, and Diana Ross doesn't put much emotion into it. It is a thoughtful song, rather than one calling for melodrama, but I would like to hear some emotion here, and I am not getting it. A trifle light as air.

Ohio Players – “Love Rollercoaster” -- January 31, 1976

It's a funk/disco thing. I've listened to it three times trying to get anything from it at all. The lyrics are dumb, asserting love is like this or that amusement park experience. I'd think "love rollercoaster" would be about how there are huge highs and terrifying lows, but it's not. It's horribly repetitive. I guess it's danceable. But I find it dull.

Paul Simon – “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” -- February 7, 1976

I love how pared down this song is. It's sort of funky, without all the funk orchestration. The simple drums are the main focus. The melody's also simple, without being dull. And the lyrics aren't complex; a woman is encouraging the narrator to leave his official lover for her. "Just get yourself free." But she's doing it so very nicely -- "I wish there were something I could do to make you smile again." Not that the song expects us to believe she or the narrator actually are nice. Or that it's really all that easy to leave your lover. But it doesn't tell you what to think about the situation either. An excellent song.

Rhythm Heritage – “Theme From S.W.A.T.“ -- February 28, 1976

Apparently, there was a TV show about S.W.A.T., and this was its instrumental theme song. Which is exactly what it sounds like. Not a good TV theme either. I looked up 1976 shows, and here are some shows with better TV themes from that year: Charlie's Angels, Alice, M*A*S*H, Happy Days (which surprisingly only hit #5), All in the Family, Barney Miller, Welcome Back Kotter (which hit #1 later), The Jeffersons (that Movin' On Up doesn't seem to have been a hit is shocking), The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Sanford and Son, The Bob Newhart Show... look, all of them. All shows in 1976 that I can find had better theme songs than S.W.A.T., often to a staggering degree. But songs don't reach #1 for being good. Still, usually I can hazard a reason for them. I can't for this one.

The Four Seasons – “December, 1963 (Oh, What A Night)” -- March 13, 1976

It's about the narrator getting laid for the first time. He didn't even know the name of the woman, which completely undercuts anything happy or fun about this song for me, and makes it icky. At least it's not falsetto. I wasn't born when it came out, yet it was overplayed on the oldies stations in the 90s so much that I developed a deep and abiding hatred for it.

Johnnie Taylor – “Disco Lady” -- April 3, 1976

This is a song about disco that isn't a disco song. As such, it confuses me. It's kind of a mild funk/soul song, and it's about how turned on this guy is watching a woman disco. Johnnie Taylor can definitely sing, and I'd like to hear some more traditional soul/jazz stuff from him. This isn't doing it for me.

The Bellamy Brothers – “Let Your Love Flow” -- May 1, 1976

I saw the title and immediately the song shoved itself into my head. It's such a mellow song, but the hook is still monstrous. The song is about how it's the season for love, so grab your lover and "let your love flow." It's one of many 70s songs about sex that sounds like it could be a song about how pretty trees are. It kind of is about how pretty trees are too. I rather like it.

John Sebastian – “Welcome Back” -- May 8, 1976

Welcome Back, Kotter was not on Nick at Nite or WGN or anything else that ran old TV shows when I was watching TV (rather than the internet), so I've never seen it. The theme song lays it all out -- someone moves back to his old neighborhood, where they need him. As TV theme songs go, it's fine. Just fine, though. When "Movin' On Up" and "Love Is All Around" were also theme songs for TV shows in 1976, why this one? The rewards of mediocrity I guess.

The Sylvers – “Boogie Fever” -- May 15, 1976

It's literal. You come in contact with someone who can't stop boogie-ing, and you will catch the Boogie Fever yourself. Listening to the song will certainly make you want to boogie, unless you are immune. A fun dance song, and I wouldn't be surprised if Tik-Tok made it a hit again in the next year.

Wings – “Silly Love Songs” -- May 22, 1976

"Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs / What’s wrong with that?" Nothing.  Paul even emphasizes something important in it: "Love isn't silly at all." Still, I can't say it's one of my favorites. I get tired of it about halfway through, and it's a long song. A silly love song shouldn't be nearly 6 minutes long.

Diana Ross – “Love Hangover” -- May 29, 1976

It starts with Diana Ross making sex sounds that I find embarrassing. Then she goes into singing about how she doesn't want to get over "the sweetest love hangover", and a minute and a half in it becomes a disco song. I find the entire thing irritating.

Starland Vocal Band – “Afternoon Delight” -- July 10, 1976

"Afternoon delight" is sex, but these doofuses may as well be singing about tea and scones for all the excitement this song has. It still doesn't deserve the hatred it's gotten. But it's not good either. The number of sexless sex songs in the 70s is just... ugh.

The Manhattans – “Kiss And Say Goodbye” -- July 24, 1976

He has to break up with the person he's been cheating with. It's an achingly sad Philly soul song. It also manages to be way sexier than the vast majority of 70s sex songs. Real emotion (or the ability to fake real emotion) does a lot, as does being able to sing like this. And beautiful backing music. It's so sad, and so good.

Elton John & Kiki Dee – “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” -- August 7, 1976

This song isn't mutual. Elton John's the one who sings "don't go breaking my heart," and Kiki Dee's the one singing "I won't go breaking your heart." It is all and entirely and completely about the male character's feelings. Of course it's an Elton John song so I wouldn't like it anyway, but I really don't like this one, especially because it still gets airplay.

Bee Gees – “You Should Be Dancing” -- September 4, 1976

I hate the Bee Gees. Not on a personal level -- as far as I know they're perfectly decent people -- but their music. And I have a particular hatred for Barry Gibb's voice. His horrible falsetto has caused me immense pain in my life. If I should be dancing, then they need to shut up and sit down and let a band that I can dance to take the stage. As it is, I feel like a dog during the 4th of July; I just want to hide under a bed.

KC & The Sunshine Band – “(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty” -- September 11, 1976

Here's a command to dance that I can get behind. Or that my behind can get behind. Again, a great song for dancing but not for listening to from KC & The Sunshine Band.

Wild Cherry – “Play That Funky Music” -- September 18, 1976

Good for both dancing and listening. How you can listen and not get into that funk groove even when sitting, though, I don't know. Play that funky music till you die.

Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band – “A Fifth Of Beethoven” -- October 9, 1976

This was the #1 hit the week I was born. It's a good one for me; it's by a guy who loved classical music enough to write contemporary music based on it. Whenever I'm faced with questions about what kind of music is my favorite, my answer is "the good kind." Anyway, this is a fun song.

Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots – “Disco Duck (Part 1)” -- October 16, 1976

Billboard used to base their hit songs on calling record stores and asking what was selling. I think that's how this stupid, stupid song reached number one. I think it was a prank by a bunch of stoned college kids who co-ordinated it over cb radio or something. It's about a duck. Who discos. With an obnoxious voice and obnoxious music. It's by a radio dj, and is as painfully unfunny as radio djs usually are.

Chicago – “If You Leave Me Now” -- October 23, 1976

This song makes me have a weird reaction. It gives me the warm, comfortable fuzzies, and makes me want to sleep. That last part might not be too surprising, as it is a soft song, but to me it is very much more than that. I have always had trouble sleeping at night, since birth. My parents hit on putting me into the car and driving around with soft music playing to get me to go lights out. I need to ask them if they played Chicago during that. I can't think of any other reason for my hindbrain association with this szzzzzzz....

Steve Miller Band – “Rock’n Me” -- November 6, 1976

Good bar rock, since it's the Steve Miller Band. Lyrically, it's also more complex than most of its genre. At first, he sings "I got to please my sweet baby, yeah." Then he starts singing about all the places he's been, including "Northern California where the girls are warm." And then "Babe, you know you are a friend of mine/ And you know that it's true/ That all the things that I do/ Are gonna come back to you in your sweet time." Well then. I can totally see @katatty's Duncan Huckleberry singing this song. And getting away with everything. It's a fun song, though (because?) the narrator is likely a dirtbag.

Rod Stewart – “Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)” -- November 13, 1976

It's a sex song, and it is hugely skeevy. "Don't deny your man's desire/ You’d be a fool to stop this tide / Spread your wings and let me come inside." No, asshole, cover it up if you want to come near. And how about if you want her, you care something about her desire? This was a huge hit from a huge star, but I have never heard it until now. Ugh. I need to shower, this is gross. Also I hope whoever he's singing to is packing mace.

BEST OF 1976 -- "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." I don't even think it's an amazing song, just a very good one, but the 1976 #1s don't leave me much to work with. Fleetwood Mac released some singles, but people wanted "Disco Duck" rather than "Over My Head." Tons of great music has survived from 1976, but most of it is not on this list. WORST OF 1976 -- "Tonight's the Night (Gonna Be Alright)". "Disco Duck" is stupid, but it doesn't make my skin crawl.

[owenshire]

Robert Muhlbock (virtually) Inducts Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 2020

Nine Inch Nails. One band, and often one man, with a computer (and guitar) against the world. Oh yes, Nine Inch Nails have added members for live performances and gained members (well, a member) for studio compositions, but from this “band-like-musical-entity’s” earliest days, it was just one person—one person who combined pop-hooks with industrial whirs, and harrowing rage with uncomfortable vulnerability. And his name is Trent Reznor.  

No one should claim that Nine Inch Nails invented a genre. They didn’t. But they sure as hell popularized and perfected it. Electronic, Industrial, ‘Disco Death Metal’—whatever you want to call it, the labels don’t really matter.  In fact, I think the genre should just be called “sounds like Nine Inch Nails” which is compliment enough on its own, right?  

Nine Inch Nails are one of the most important, vital, inspirational, talented, and unique of musical artists. I love them. And now I’m going to tell you why…in a lengthy video essay, so settle in.  And if you don’t have the fandom or attention span for what I’m about to say, go back to consuming shitty tweets and dumbfuck Instagram posts because you’re not wanted here anyway.

                            _______________________________

My first introduction to NIN began like so many others: by catching the iconic video for “Head Like A Hole” on MTV—the band rocking out amidst electrical wires and magnetic tape, until it seemed like the entire writhing mess would consume them whole.  It’s an image as potent today as it was some 30 years ago.

However, my real introduction to NIN was originally steeped in urban legend. I was in grade 10 and I heard Pretty Hate Machine played on my school bus on the way home. The owner of this cassette tape, a “cool girl” who shall remain nameless, told me that the album was “out of print” and “unavailable.” In short, she assured me that I would never be able to find a copy, but, guess what, I did.

In a trade with former MMA coach Shawn Tompkins—and in my grade 10 art class no less—I swapped two ninja stars for a box of his old cassette tapes, and Pretty Hate Machine was one of them. This was my own NINJA moment, if you will—does anyone get that reference—anyway, upon witnessing said trade some random guy in my art class immediately offered me $25 for the Pretty Hate Machine cassette tape—a king’s ransom in 1990—but of course I wouldn’t sell. I knew it was valuable—and in more than one way. Instead I played the hell out of the cassette in my Walkman. I was 14 years old. “Terrible Lie” was my favourite song from the album. And it still is.

And then—poof—like that, NIN dropped out of my life. Where’d they go? Well, I guess they were making a name for themselves during Lollapalooza 1991, white chalk dust and all. Not that I knew any of this. Pre-internet I had no idea what was going on.  In fact, I wouldn’t hear any new NIN music until almost a full year later when one of my friends with a penchant for industrial music introduced me to the Broken EP. As he handed me his CD for borrowing, he warned me that it was “pretty extreme.” And he was right. The Broken EP is why album warning stickers were invented: it was a fist to the face, a kick to the face—it was even an ass to the face.

Anyway, the Broken EP was my real introduction to the seemingly bottomless rage of NIN. When I heard Broken I was just starting to get into so-called “heavy” music, but nothing could have prepared me for the lyrical and musical brutality of “Wish.” While Reznor’s litany of profanity was extreme—at least to my sheltered 16 year old ears—what truly staggered me was the song’s main riff (you know the one I mean) the one that is so distorted, so disturbing, that it sounds like a guitar being burned alive while flailing in a wind tunnel.

I’d never heard anything like it before—it wasn’t cock-rock; it wasn’t fake satanic rage done for laughs, theatre or to impress--no. Instead it was the audio embodiment of complete destruction and utter despair. And 30 years later, it’s lost none of its power.

                          __________________________________

These same sentiments must be applied to The Downward Spiral, Nine Inch Nail’s career defining work that launched the band into mainstream success. Too often discussions of the record get bogged down by emphasis on “Hurt” or “Closer,” or, to some extent, “Heresy.”

Yes, “Hurt” is the perfect album closer and expression of pleading vulnerability, and, yes, “Closer” and “Heresy’s” choruses were brutally raw and shocking in 1994 (and, it should be said, still above average shocking  in 2020), but I feel the album is best presented as a whole. This was the beginning of NIN’s discovery that (to paraphrase one rock critic) just as much tension can be generated with a whisper as with a scream.

Dynamics have always been a huge part of NIN’s’ sound, and The Downward Spiral stands as a defining moment.  The album, as all of you know, begins with “Mr. Self Destruct” (well, that’s not entirely true—the album actually begins with the audio of what appears to be a man being beaten to death while submerged underwater)—but anyway, “Mr. Self Destruct” was as sonically astonishing to me as “Wish” was two years prior. As I listened to the verses of “Mr. Self Destruct” I kept asking myself “Is it supposed to sound like this? I can’t hear what he’s saying”—it was such a cacophony of meticulously detailed and layered noises, but of course not without substance or a melody: its quiet refrain of “And I control you” buried so deep in the mix, it mirrored the subconscious itself.  

“Mr. Self Destruct” gives way to “Piggy”—again a haunting track that’s almost tender and such a shock in sequence given the song that preceded it. Again. Dynamics. Surprise. Making the atypical typical in the best non-traditional way. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I felt the same way about the mini-piano solo/ lyric pairing of “now doesn’t it make you feel better” before the dramatic pause in “March Of The Pigs”—I don’t think any of us saw THAT coming. I was literally shocked when that phrasing appeared out of no where, emerging like a tiny ironic rainbow out of the whirlwind of thrashing drums, crazy guitars, and “stains like blood on your teeth” screams the preceded it.  

Speaking of screams, the title-track of The Downward Spiral still stands as a monument to vulnerability, despair, and pure abject horror. It’s the only song I’ve ever heard that I am afraid to listen to. When I listen to The Downward Spiral, I wait for the song the way a child hides behind a blanket awaiting glimpses of a film monster: I know it’s coming, and I know it’s going to be horrifying…and it always is. So why do I subject myself to it?

                                     ______________________

That’s a fair question. Let’s be frank here: Nine Inch Nails isn’t for everyone. It takes a certain personality to fully appreciate the band’s complete package of black, blue, and bleeding, “but you can dance to it!” Still, NIN is more than mere nihilism and hopelessness. Those who label the band in such ways, kind of miss the point. To me, NIN has always been—lyrically at least—about catharsis: I suppose ALL music functions as such—a tool of understanding, and a mechanism for coping. Trent Reznor once commented on the vulnerability of his lyrics, saying in an interview with NPR that his topic of choice was less about vanity than it was about delivering a performance with honesty and integrity. The only topic that mattered—his emotional struggle—was the only subject he could speak about with authority and with conviction.

However, it just so happens to be a struggle that millions of other people share. When Trent Reznor sings “Now you know/ this is what it feels like” on The Fragile’s “The Wretched,” he is inviting his audience to share in his pain. Whether he intended it this way or not, his is a gesture borne or isolation but ending in comradery: many of us certainly know what “this” “feels like.” And many, many more of us can certainly relate to the words “Dear World, I can hardly recognize you anymore.”

In short, Trent Reznor’s lyrics, as personal as they are, speak for us: his fans. He speaks for me. He still does.

Interestingly, themes consistent in NIN’s best work offer a type of almost emotional ambivalence: caring, but not caring; wanting to be helped, yet rejecting help; and most importantly, wanting to be alone, yet desperately wishing to connect with others. The songs “We’re In This Together” and “The Fragile” perfectly illustrate these sentiments.   To me, it is no coincidence they are sequenced side by side on the “some-critics-didn’t-like-it-at-the-time-but-have-since-come-to-their-senses-album” The Fragile.

                                      _________________

Musically, however, NIN is best known for three distinct styles of music: computer chaos, groovy beats, and symphonic soundscapes. I’ve touched on the first—and will return to it—but for now, let’s discuss the second. I’m not a huge fan of the term “death-disco”; however, NIN’s long list of ass-shaking beats, should not be overlooked. What began on Pretty Hate Machine with “Sin” and “The Only Time,” pleasantly resurface on “Into The Void” only to be perfected on “The Hand That Feeds,” “Only” “Capital G,” and “Discipline” not to mention a large portion of Hesitation Marks.

But back to computer chaos—or maybe just chaos in general. I can think of no better example to illustrate my point than the final coda to the song “The Great Destroyer” on the fabulous dystopian opus Year Zero—one of my favourite albums of all time: the sound of things falling apart—wires frayed, systems destroyed, screens cracked: static humming and ‘please stand by’ messages flicking forever. The Eater of Dreams. “All we ever were—just zeros and ones.”  

                                           ____________________

The final cornerstone of NIN’s musical contribution is soundscapes and instrumentals, and what a can of worms THAT is given all that’s transpired since 2011.  Anyway, when The Fragile was released in 1999, more than a few fans bemoaned its inclusion of no less than 7 instrumentals, and yet these contributions have always been a signature addition to NIN’s body of work: from “pinion,” “help me I am in hell,” “a warm place,” the deeply personal “La Mer,” to Ghosts I through VI, NIN’s experiments with sound have always been integral to their songwriting process—a willingness to experiment and a love of discovery which surprisingly, yet somewhat inevitably, lead to NIN’s work in soundtracks. Beginning somewhat inadvertently with Tony Scott’s Man On Fire (look it up), and then deliberately on the video game Quake, this creative direction eventually resulted in (as we all know) various Oscar and Emmy nominations and wins for Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, and yeah, while technically not “Nine Inch Nails” releases, I think we can all agree it’s hard to separate the two sometimes because as we all know, the line begins to blur, amiright?  

The point is this: Nine Inch Nails were and are no strangers to pushing boundaries musically, visually, and artistically. Some defining unconventional moments in the band’s career to me are as follows:

·  The 97 one-second tracks on the Broken EP before its final two songs; the infamous Broken film itself—a movie I found on a bootlegged VHS tape and rented for a mere 1 dollar at the time—and then proceeded to wish that I never did.

·  Moving on, there is of course the band’s seminal 1994 Woodstock performance, where the musicians arrived on stage in a foggy haze, caked head to toe in mud, and bringing the apocalypse with them;

·  Next we have the Alternate Reality Game developed around the release of Year Zero,

·  There was the free download of The Slip; and the free downloads of Ghosts V and VI some years later

·  Who could also forget about the NINREMIX website where fans were invited to remix the band’s songs and post them for all to enjoy, and copyright be damned.

·  Um, there was also that time they said “a heartfelt fuck you” to the Grammy’s.  

·   And finally we have Nine Inch Nail’s unexpected live appearance on the rather toned down Austin City Limits.

And the list goes on. Trent Reznor once explained such actions in the most self-aware terms possible: he likes pushing himself (as well as his fans) out of comfort zones, to flirt with mainstream conventions but to approach and execute them as only Nine Inch Nails can: with integrity and—to borrow Trent’s appraisal of the late David Bowie—“uncompromising vision.”      

                               _______________________________

Speaking of integrity and uncompromising vision, NIN’s humility is one of the band’s most inspiring and endearing characteristics. In Reznor’s case, we’re talking about an accomplished artist who admitted publically that he still feels he has so much to learn about his craft—that he’s barely scratched the surface regarding his mastery of sound and songwriting; a man that mocked his own starry eyed expression upon receiving an Oscar by pairing it with the caption “I see unicorns” and inviting fans to provide similar self-deprecating taglines.  A man who speaks in measured tones about his opportunities and successes in his life—and does so, repeatedly I might add, quietly, humbly, and gratefully.  

Such self-awareness is extremely rare in show-business let alone by a band that’s achieved as much as Nine Inch Nails.

And guess what? Here’s the thing. I think there’s no stopping them. With Nine Inch Nails—particularly, Trent and Atticus no matter what they call themselves and until they are inducted into the IHOR as solo artists, anything’s possible:  

·  Scoring a children’s movie? The upcoming Pixar film Soul? Why not? Let’s have some more. Give me a children’s album!

·  Creating a vintage jazz ballad (the unparalleled “The Way It Used to Be”) in a week and making it indistinguishable from other songs of the era? Of course!

·  Winning a Tony Award to become part of the EGOT club—I say sure. In fact, prediction: before the end of the world (so basically, in about 30 years) Nine Inch Nails will get an EGOT.  There. Prove me wrong.

                                       ______________________

In 1997 Spin Magazine once hailed Trent Reznor as “the most vital artist in music today,” while in that same year Trent Reznor appeared on Time Magazine’s list of the top 25 most influential Americans.

These accolades were well earned; however, I prefer a statement made by some music magazine critic whose name escapes me in their review of a Nine Inch Nails album whose name also escapes me: they said, “we can only hope something else pisses him off,” sentiments which I’m sure are echoed by many, and to which I reply…there seems to be no worry about that.

                                      ____________________          

Nine Inch Nails encompass a facet of popular art that is as necessary as it is compulsory: they remind us that the world is not pleasant; tragedy is inevitable; the game is rigged; faith is a lie; and everyone you know will abandon or disappoint you.

But guess what? If you’re lucky, the way out is through, motherfuckers.

I am honoured to induct Nine Inch Nails into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  

[yeoobiii]

Left Behind | Calum Hood

Pairing: College!Calum x College!Reader

Summary: As you got lost in the crowd of concert, you bump into a boy, you’re kinda familar with and from there on you are kind of forced to spend the rest of the evening with him and his friends.

Word cound: 3.9k

Warnings: drinking and that’s about it, ig

a/n: I had this in my drafts for a while now and felt like finishing it. It’s my first 5sos related imagine. It’s a little bit cheesy and turned out fluffy. Remember, feedback and criticism is highly appreciated. Enjoy!

The music was blasting through the speakers, flashing a wave of energy through your body you didn’t even know you had left in you anymore. You were standing for about four hours now and usually you’d be totally exhausted by now but the adrenaline that was currently streaming through your body made you forget about your tired legs.

As the next hook was about to drop the people around you opened a big hole in the crowd and everyone was ready to jump in. You weren't usually the type to join mosh pits because they always got so chaotic and sometimes you were seriously worried about getting hurt. But right now, at the moment, you didn’t care. You took a glance to your left to find your two best friends nodding at you, signalizing you that they were about to join the chaos as well. You smiled one more time to yourself, enjoying yourself before the beat dropped and every one jumped into that mosh pit, including you.

It was over faster than you would have thought. At that moment, you were completely carefree and the music owned your body. You were jumping, screaming and dancing, like every body around you. At some point someone stepped on your foot and it stung for a second, but you got over it fast as the act that was currently putting on a live show, started to rap their second verse of the song. The crowd calmed down a little and most people were facing the stage again.

You turned around to check if your friends were alright. But as you turned, you couldn’t make out one of the two familiar faces that belonged to your best friends. You started to look around, starting to ignore the loud bass, the cheering crowd and the flickering lights around you, as worry started to build inside of you. You couldn’t see them anywhere. You got your phone out to check if they already texted you but you had no new messages. You tried to call them with little hope and also no success. You lost your friends.

You thought about leaving the hall and just wait until the concert is over to meet with them outside afterwards, since you knew you couldn’t enjoy the concert anymore anyways. Not like this. You turned around to leave, as you bumped into someone.

You quickly apologized and moved past them, until, you heard them calling your name.

“Y/N?” they shouted after you. You knew that voice so, you turned around again.

“Calum?” you guessed making your way over to the familiar stature of the young man.

As you got closer you could make out his features and it really was Calum, standing there in front of you.

“It really is you! What are you doing here?” he smiled, taking you in for a short hug.

This took you by surprise. You didn’t know Calum too well. You weren’t even sure if you’d consider him your friend. But it also seemed like he was pretty hammered. But you had to chuckle at his question. What were you probably doing at a concert?

Calum was one of your classmates. And that was about it. At least that’s what you think, how he’d explain the relationship between you two. On your side, the thing was a little bit more complicated. It all started out about one and half years ago, since you started collage. You figured out fast that you had almost all your classes with the curly haired boy. At the beginning, he was just one of the guys you went to school with. Nothing more, nothing less. But over these one and a half years, you developed a crush on him. And you hated yourself for it.

You mostly knew him from little group projects you had to do in class. Either only the two of you or in a bigger group, but you started to notice, that you liked spending time with him. Even if it was only for school related stuff. The two of you even started to talk more once during these one and a half years but that died down quickly with him telling you how he was about to hit up another girl. He didn’t hurt you with stuff like that, it was just a bit frustrating sometimes.

You were likely to not tell your crushes about the feelings or liking you held towards them. For some reason you were always just too scared of rejections and you always thought it would probably be really awkward between the two of you if you’d have ever told him. You also didn’t want for him to have this kind of power over you. You imagined plenty of times the pity full look he’d have on his face, while telling you that you were sweet, but he didn’t return your feelings. And the thought about that always managed to send a cold shiver down your spine and it maybe still kind of hurt you in some way. Even tough you would never admit that to yourself.

So, you managed to live with the fact that he was just a silly crush you had and that you’d get over it at some point, which leaded you to the situation you were currently in. Still, not over him and him treating you like one of his mates. And the thing that all of his three mates from school were kind of your friends as well didn’t help at all. Sometimes you even did hang out together. You liked his friends and you always wondered why your relationship with him can’t be as uncomplicated as the friendships with the rest of his gang was. If you’re with them, you always get a laugh out of each other. It also wasn’t that bad if you were with him and his friends because they kind of distracted you from his cute curls, muscular arms and contagious laugh, which you loved to hear. You also loved when his lips where formed into a smile that took over his whole face.

And now you were standing there, worried about your friends, a little bit drunk, bumping into that one person you didn’t really expect to bump into. Plus, you didn’t really have the nerves right now to deal with the mess you called your feelings.

“What do you think I’m doing here? Same as you, dummy.” you replied, trying to put a smile on your face and ignoring the anxious feeling that were currently creeping up.

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” he smiled, biting his lip and looking down at you.

“Yeah. But, ehm” your voice sounded more concerned this time as you tried to form your sentence, “You didn’t per chance saw my friends around?”

You turned on your phone as you wanted to show him a picture of them as you realized his head was already turned to the front again, not listening to anything you just said. As it wasn’t hard enough to communicate in all that screaming that was going on, anyways.

“Calum!” you called for his attention.

He turned to you, a drunken smile on his face. You showed him the picture of you and your friends.

“Have you seen them?” you shouted over the crowd that was currently going wild.

“Them? No, sorry. But she’s hot!” he grinned, pointing at your phone.

Well, that didn’t really help, but thanks for your input, Calum. You rolled your eyes at him. It wasn’t like you were already in a shitty situation.

“I’m gonna leave. Have fun.” you screamed over the music.

As you were about to turn your back at the tall boy, he called out for you again.

“Y/N, wait!”

He called you again so, you turned around again.

“You really wanna miss the rest of the concert?” he asked like he’d genuinely care, “We can still go and search for your friends after and you can stay with us if you want”.

His offer took you by surprise, the second time this evening. But the suggestion was really tempting, since you really liked the act that was currently playing and you were excited for this concert for about half a year now. So, you decided to quickly text your friends, that they don’t need to worry about you and that you found someone you knew and could stay with for the rest of the concert. You said you were sorry and that you could meet outside after. Putting your phone back in your pocket you turned back to Calum, who was loudly singing along, knowing all the lyrics.

“You know what, yeah, why not.” you smiled up at him, receiving a smile from him as well which made you a little bit week in your knees, but as usual, you ignored it.

As the evening was going on, you caught yourself enjoying yourself more and more. Calum had also friends with him. The only one you knew was a boy called Ashton. You had also some classes with him, and he was one of Calum's closest friends, as far as you knew. But there was another guy you have never seen before. He introduced himself as Dylan. At some point you even found yourself grounding your body against his, not spending one single though on Calum.

The main thing why you keep hiding your feelings for Calum, was because if he rejected you, you still had to face him every day and with that you’d be reminded of the embarrassment. But like this, with a guy you’d probably never see again or only if you wanted, it was easy.

Even though you had fun with him, you knew what he was after. You didn’t really have much experience on the dating front, but you weren’t blind. And it actually felt really good to be admired by someone. It gave you the feeling on having power, which was quite the opposite of how you felt almost everyday around your long-time-crush, namely insecure. So, you enjoyed every second of it.

As the concert was over, you almost forgot about your friends. But as soon as you were outside, you heard your phone ring. Just then you saw that you had twelve missed calls.

“Shit.” you mumbled to yourself, picking up your phone.

“Y/N? Where the hell were you?” your one friend was asking you, worry clear audible in her voice.

“I met some friends form school, I texted you guys.” you tried to explain.

Within the conversation with your friends, Dylan asked you for your tag to go and get your jacket for you. While your friend was telling you something, you searched for your tag, found it and handed it to Dylan, mumbling a quiet, “thank you”.

“Did you hear anything of what I just said?” your friend hissed at you.

“I’m sorry what did you say?” with your free hand you held your other ear closed, since it was still kinda crowded and with that comes the noise around you.

“We are already on our way home, Y/N.” sighed your friend.

“What? You did leave without me?” you started to ramble. Worry was building inside of you for the second time this evening on the thought of how to get home all by yourself. It was a good one and a half hour car ride until you were back home.

“Melissa got sick, she threw up on the toilets and I don’t think it’s because of the alcohol. I decided to bring her home, I tried to call you but you weren’t picking up.” she started to explain, you could hear out of the way her voice sounded, that she was sorry, “I even searched for you in the crowd for fifteen minutes but couldn’t find you anywhere and Melissa could barely stand, I had to do something.”

“So, you decided to leave without me?!” you hissed at her, genuinely pissed that your friends left you behind like this.

“What should I have done, huh. Tell me. Should I have let her practically die outside and come back to party with you?” she said sarcastically.

“No, of course not.” you rubbed your forehead, trying to figure out on how to get home yourself.

“Also, where is the problem, why can’t you go home with your friends form school?”

“It’s not that easy, V.” you tried to explain but couldn’t find any words on how to.

No one knew about your crush on Calum, since telling someone would make it become real. Without anyone knowing you could still tell yourself that your feelings not there or that they will go away in a magical way at some point.

“Well, it has to be that easy, Y/N. Except you wanna go home all by yourself.”

“Yeah, I know.”

As you took a look in the direction the boys left to get their and also your jacket you saw them walking towards you.

“I gotta go, V.” you cut her off, “Call me if your home safe, alright. Oh and you owe me.”

“Sure, same goes for you” she hung up, leaving you alone with Calum, Ashton and Dylan.

Last named just handed you your jacket, “There you go.”

“Thank you.” you smiled at him.

“Yo, Y/N” Calum begun, pulling your attention at him, “Where are your friends?”

All the boys were looking at you, waiting for an answer.

“Well, they already left.” you admitted to them, “is there a chance that the three of you have an empty seat in your car for someone like me.”

“I’m sure we can squeeze you in there, Y/N.”, Ashton chuckles as he put an arm around your shoulder.

“Thank you guys so much, really”, you thanked them, relieve washing over you, but you were still a little on edge because of the two men that were walking behind you and Ashton, “You really are my saviors.”

Next thing you knew, you were 60 dollars poorer and walking through a shabby train compartment looking for an opportunity to sit. Your legs were tired as hell. You finally got to feel that, since there is no adrenaline left in your body.

As you found a part in the train where the four of you could sit together, Ashton claimed it really fast as theirs.

“Didn’t I say we could squeeze you in?”, he grinned. A grin you’d like to punch out of his stupid face.

You didn’t even mind traveling by train. It was just that you were really exhausted. Plus, the short walk through the cold and fresh, night spring air, managed to get you sober again. So, now you were trapped in that train, with your dumb crush, a guy that still hope to get you laid tonight and an Ashton that didn’t seem to shut up and the saddest thing, you weren’t even drunk anymore.

The train wasn’t even running for ten minutes until you fell asleep leaning against the train window.

“Yo, this girl is fire and I’m so gonna get it tonight, guys”, Dylan cheered.

But he seemed to be the only one to find it funny how he was messing with a girl that couldn’t defend herself at the moment, because she was fast asleep.

Ashton only commented with, “If you say so.” And he was quick on looking back at his phone. And Calum, he was sending a death glare Dylan’s way. He hated how he talked about you and the fact that you couldn’t defend yourself, made him feel like he had to.

Calum didn’t really like the game that Dylan and you were playing the whole evening, anyways. As he spotted you on the dance floor in the middle of the crowd earlier this evening, he had to smile to himself. For some odd reason, it filled him with joy, watching you having a good time. But as soon as he spotted Dylan behind you, his smile was fast to be replaced with a frown. That should be him, dancing and laughing with you, he thought. But he probably must have messed up at some point of the evening. Why would you prefer to dance with stranger than with your friend Ashton or more specific him?

“Man, I need to take a piss.” Dylan suddenly said out of the blue, making Ashton getting up and joining him.

As Ashton already left to get in another compartment where the toilet was, Calum held Dylan back by his arm.

“Stop it, man.” he warned, glancing at him to make clear what he’s talking about.

“Why? You like her?” Dylan raised his eyebrows in amusement.

“N- No. It’s just… she has a boyfriend, man” he lied.

“Alright, man”, Dylan put his hands up in defense and left for the toilets.

Shortly after Dylan disappeared, following after Ashton.

“Why did you tell him I have a boyfriend?”, you suddenly spoke up.

Calum jumped at your words, since he expected you to be asleep. Suddenly he found himself in a position where he had to explain himself.

“Dylan just isn’t one of the nice guys” he explained quietly with his head down, not looking at you.

You didn’t know where you got the sudden push of confidence as you placed your head on his shoulder and tried to get some more sleep since you had another 30 minutes in the train ahead of you. Also, you weren’t really to keen on having a conversation with Dylan at this point.

Calum’s heart skipped a beat at your sudden move. But at the same time, it feels so natural for you to be close to him and sleeping peacefully. Its kind of calmed Calum down at the same time as it brought, for him, confusing feelings about you up, which he tried to push down for the whole evening now.

“Boyfriend, huh”, Calum heard Dylan say as he spotted you asleep on his shoulders.

As you were at the end station and you had to get out, Calum tried to wake you up softly. He gently shook you at your shoulders.

“We’re here, Y/N. Time to get out” he whispered softly.

As you opened your eyes and looked up at him you had to quickly orientate yourself. As it all came crushing down to you, you took your head off Calum’s shoulder, leaving him instantly missing it. You didn’t know why you got so close to him, but it confused you beyond believe. Why didn’t he reject you as you put your head on his shoulder?

As Dylan, Ashton and actually also Calum were meant to say their goodbyes, because you had another twenty-minute train ride ahead of you until you were home, but the rest of the boys were living in the city, you hugged Dylan and Ashton wishing them a good night. As you were supposed to say bye to Calum, you didn’t know what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? Wave at him? You heard Calum speak up.

“I’m gonna come with you.”

“What?” your mind took a few seconds to process what he had just told you, “No, Calum, you really don’t have to. I’ll be fine, I swear.” You assured him, since bringing you home would take him another hour to get home himself.

“But I want to.” he admitted, glancing at you with a soft smile covering his lips. His looks made you go week in your knees.

“We’ll leave you to it, lovebirds. Goodnight.” Dylan and Ashton said their goodbyes one last time, turning on their heels and walking into the opposite direction of where you were standing.

“Why?” you asked, your voice almost inaudible.

“Because.” was the only explanation you were getting out of him.

You decided to not further protest and just let him bring you home. For whatever reason he was doing it.

Your second train ride was manly quiet and filled with silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, thought, like you had expected it to be. You didn’t know what it was but something changed between the two of you. As you were looking out of the window, making out the few little lights of people’s houses, where they were still awake, probably watching TV and watching the sky, where you could make out a few little stars, since it was cloudy that evening, you could feel Calum's glare at you. It practically burned itself into your skin. It felt like if he would dare to look away from your slightly blushed cheeks, curvy eyelashes and at the way your nose was shaped, he’d die in an instant.

From time to time you send him a glance yourself, allowing your eyes to meet. You couldn’t hold the glare long, though, the butterflies in your stomach getting the best of you. You didn’t know why, but you didn’t feel insecure around you anymore. You felt safe.

As you got out of the train, Calum insisted on walking you home as well. Even though you though it was too much, since he must be tired himself, he didn’t accept a no.

“You enjoyed the concert?” he suddenly asked out of the blue, his eyes meeting the concrete walkway underneath him. It almost felt as he was getting all shy on you all of a sudden.

“Yeah, except that I lost my friends, and they also went home without me, it was great!” you stated, making your voice sound sarcastic.

“Wasn’t that bad after all in my opinion.” Calum commented, sounding sincere.

“No. No, it wasn’t.” you admitted. A small smile was forming on your face at the thought of how your evening went down since you lost your friends. It was definitely something you were expecting form yourself but it was fun. You told yourself to do stuff like that more often, without the part of losing your friends.

As you were standing in front of your door, the mood was tense. You didn’t know how to thank Calum properly for accompany you this far.

“I had fun tonight, Y/N.”, Calum admitted, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, me too.”

Last thing you knew after a few long seconds of silence, was Calum starring at your lips before his were directly connected with yours. It wasn’t like you weren’t already surprised enough about how this evening turned out, this action tops it all.

As you were over the first shock, you kissed him back. It was an innocent but still a pure kiss. And you didn’t want it to end. All the weeks, even moths of admiring this boy from the far and now he was kissing you. At that moment nothing seemed important, except for the two of you standing there. The thought of Dylan vanished your mind a long time ago and was replaced with Calum and Calum only.

As the two of you broke apart, Calum was the first one to say something.

“Tell me, Y/N. Why are we doing this only now?”

You pressed your forehead against his, smiling. At this moment you felt nothing but happiness. It was a feeling you haven’t witnessed this strong in quite a while.

“I don’t think you have a train back to the city until five in the morning.” you informed him, slightly giggling, “Wanna stay over?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

You opened your front door, stepping inside.

“You’re sleeping on the floor, though.”

[kaylormovedsept5th2019]

is it too late to do reputation discourse??? im doing reputation discourse.

...ready for it? says the subject is a "killer" and she "wonders how many girls he had loved and left haunted", despite toe never having a serious girlfriend before 👻

end game says the subject has a "big reputation" and she has "heard about you" despite toe being very, very unknown upon their meeting (and that anonymity is allegedly why taylor wanted to date him, so...which is it?); later a post that noted she was wearing a nude lip despite the lyrics saying "here's the truth from my red lips" so she was lying, and taylor liked it 💋

i did something bad says the subject a "playboy" despite allegedly being super in love with her last two beaus; she also says she "let them think they saved me" so the listener must assume taylor is describing herself as not being invested in these relationships ✈

don't blame me says taylor was "toyin' with them older guys/ just to play things for me to use" despite allegedly being super in love with her last two beaus; she says she "would fall from grace" which according to the het narrative implies she'd be willing to be a cheater to be with toe 😇

delicate says "do the girls back home touch you like i do?" despite toe never having a serious girlfriend before; she then pretends "you're mine, all the damn time" which is contradicted by the aforementioned lack of his previous romantic ties, or that taylor couldnt be with him right away because it was too soon after her previous relationship which means in the brief one month gap between dumping tom and dating toe she began at least sleeping with him which means she did not care about tom enough to need time to recover (despite later saying she has made up her mind she's better off being alone) (and despite liking tom enough to date him instead of toe even though she allegedly wrote a whole song about being taken with toe immediately), OR that taylor cannot be with him all the time because she is with someone else - making her a cheater 🦋

look what you made me do is excluded for obvious reasons

so it goes... says "all eyes on you, my magician/ all eyes on us" despite keeping their relationship secret until after reputation was done (since papa swift said reputation's release was put on hold because of the trial) so how could she have written those lyrics before they were true; "gold cage, hostage to my feelings" the only imagery used by taylor about a gold cage has a negative connotation as she is a prisoner of one in lwymmd 🐦

gorgeous says taylor was still dating cowpatty "and i got a boyfriend, he's older than us/ he's in the club doing, i don't know what" when she met toe and wrote this song about how enchanted she was with him despite dating tom immediately after cowpatty; why would taylor date someone else if she felt that "you've ruined my life, by not being mine" and "there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have", implying she was emotionally cheating on tom basically the whole relationship, and then immediately hooking up with him after that relationship ended so she did have him and that contradicts the latter lyrics; why should toe "think about the consequence/ of you touching my hand in a darkened room", since no one will see anyway if it's dark, and it would only be bad if she was dating someone else and was cheating; why would taylor think "if you've got a girlfriend, i'm jealous of her" but then say "but if you're single that's honestly worse" because why would him being available be a problem especially if him having a girlfriend made her jealous, and then also she...went and dated someone else 🥃

getaway car says taylor "didn't mean it" and "i wanted to leave him/ i needed a reason", meaning not only did she actually not like tom but was using him to leave cowpatty; she frames the end of the relationship as "i was cryin' in a getaway car/ i was dyin' in a getaway car" implying it was very hard for her to do so despite the contradiction in aforementioned songs implying she either didn't care about the relationship, was emotionally cheating, or only using him to get away from her old boyfriend 🚘

king of my heart says "i'm perfectly fine, i live on my own/ i made up on my mind, i'm better off bein' alone", despite dating both tom and toe immediately after the previous relationships; "we met a few weeks ago" if about toe the met gala was months ago at that point, unless she wrote the song during her relationship with tom, again making her an emotional cheater 👑

dancing with our hands tied says "i, i loved you in secret/ first sight, yeah, we love without reason" but then proceeded to date someone else and implying she harbored secret feelings for him through another relationship; the entire story of the song also doesn't even really make sense when taylor has said it was written and recorded in january 2017, long before the relationship went public, but if the song is saying the fame ruined their relationship there is no public incident between october 2016 and the song's completion so what is even being talked about here, why would she not be able to dance with him again💃🏼🕺

dress says "i don’t want you like a best friend" but after allegedly being close with taylor since may toe did not know what greys anatomy was in november 2016; she says multiple times throughout the album their relationship is a secret, even in the first verse of this song singing "they've got no idea about me and you", which completely contradicts the line "everyone thinks that they know us", and the song was completed before the relationship went public 👗

this is why we can't have nice things do is excluded for obvious reasons

call it what you want says "so call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to" which doesn't super make sense because why would anyone want to call it anything other than a romantic relationship 🔥

new year's day is implied to take place on said holiday, meaning it was conceived on january 1st 2017, so taylor made the decision "you and me forevermore" about two months after they began dating 🍾

bonus: in taylor's cover of september, she changes the song's original date to "the 28th night of september", placing an important time stamp on that date for toe, however if that date was in 2016 and is their allegedly anniversary as many have assumed, that would mean they officially began dating within the same month of her breakup with tom, which would also make the king of my heart lyrics of taylor deciding to be alone absolutely impossible, and also brings into question the subject of multiple other songs that our allegedly about toe when the timeline of the evidence of when their recordings took place and the relationship beginning are not possible 🎼

[mingyaus]

agust (lyft )d(river)

summary  yoongi happens to be ur driver on ur worst day in a while

pairing yoongi x fem!reader (probs eventually one day there will be romance)

genre light angst, friendly stranger vibes

warnings mentions of sex and alcohol

word count 1837

The random handsome stranger Yoongi M. is your Lyft driver for the night. Maybe it’s his looks or maybe it’s your overwhelming fear about your destination or maybe you’re just dumb, but something makes you trust him enough with this request.

“Hey, would you mind waiting for me until I enter the house?”

“Um, sure.” He’s not entirely surprised. This is a first for a request like this, but he assumes you’re worried about your own safety, which is why you’re asking for this. He’s absolutely wrong though, and made the wrong decision, but it’s too late now because you’re stepping out of his car in these ridiculous stilettos paired with a daring flowy maxi-skirt. You time it perfectly so that the car door doesn't slam onto your embarrassingly expensive skirt and make your way up the porch steps until you reach the front door.

Ring ding dong, ring ding dong Ring diggy ding diggy ding ding din

You think you’re imagining it, but you’re definitely not because when you ring the doorbell again it makes the same noise.

Ring ding dong, ring ding dong Ring diggy ding diggy ding ding din

Yes, that definitely is the sound of the classic Shinee hit “Ring Ding Dong.” After your third ring, a young man opens the door. His eyes are squinting at his brightly lit porch, much brighter than the pitch black darkness of the inside of his home.

“Hi, I’m here for Seulgi and Namjoon’s wedding party. I believe it starts at 7 pm? In a few minutes.” Even though it’s obvious this is not the venue, you still shoot your shot hoping for some sort of explanation for the mix up.

“Uh, Seulgi? I don’t know anyone of that name. Namjoon? Joon? Jun? I know a Wen Junhui, but he’s in China right now, so I don’t know how you’d get to him especially at this hour in China time.” The man rubs at his eyes, obviously he’s just woken up from a nap or a really early bedtime.

“No, he’s not who I’m looking for. Sorry, I think I just got the wrong address. Sorry, for disturbing you. Have a nice night.”

“Aw, no, I’m sorry. Have a nice night too.” He smiles, his hamster-like features giving you hope to make you feel a little better about this mix-up. You two wave and you’re off, back to Yoongi M. who’s patiently been waiting for you during these awkward few minutes.

“Hey,” You say avoiding his gaze. Hopefully he didn’t hear any of that awful interaction. “Can you just give me a ride home? I can pay.”

“Sure,” He nods lowering the volume of his music. Yoongi must have turned it on while you were outside. You can still hear the tail end of a rap as Yoongi restarts his car, but then he switches it to Top 40 radio.

“You can keep it on your music.” You mutter.

“Uh, it’s not exactly my music, but sure I’ll keep it on.” Yoongi switches the station again and then turns the music up louder as he gets back on the dark road barely lit by the occasional streetlight.

This song starts somewhere near the middle, on some verse. You try to pay attention to the lyrics trying to keep your mind off the thoughts that threaten to invade your mind.

Cotton, wind, blow, blouse (Stop baby don’t stop) Hair, flower, aroma, scent (Stop baby don’t stop) Cold, eyes, ice, dive (Stop baby don’t stop) Touch, warm, melt, lips (Stop baby don’t stop)

You think to yourself, what a strange rap? So random. So artistic?

Yoongi’s smiling, happy to be listening to his greatest semi-guilty pleasure NCT U. Man I love Taeyong’s genius rap.

Just get yourself around it’ now yeah (baby don’t stop and no) I'm crazy, my sweet coconut (baby don’t stop today)

You’re a bit shaken. What was that? Was that supposed to be some hidden innuendo? Oh, man. Namjoon used to make the best innuendos in middle school. He was probably making some dirty jokes when you bumped into him and Seulgi at the convenience store. Back in the day, she would laugh the most at Namjoon’s gross jokes out of everyone in your group. You should’ve known she liked him even before they started dating. She was laughing so hard even today. That’s how you noticed them there in the store. And then when you noticed them, they were telling you about their wedding, and then invited you…

Gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta get that I will never stop, gotta get that

Yoongi’s smiling even harder, hoping you can’t see his gummy smile from the back seat.

Man, I love NCT. I hope she doesn’t think I’m weird for listening to them. But hopefully she doesn’t actually believe this is my music. Yoongi’s thinking, when he hears you sniffling and interrupting Ten’s lucious vocals.

“Um, are you alright there?” Yoongi asks, and unfortunately has to turn down the music again. Fortunately the song is almost ending.

“Y-yeah.” You sniffle more, choosing to wipe your nose on your skirt.

“You sure?” Yoongi asks. He’s internally cringing. Usually he wouldn’t say anything to a crying girl, just carry onto his normal business, but you’re different. You’re a customer. Wait, no. Jokes. I’m more mature than that. I would ask “Are you ok?” once. And yes, that’s a leading question and that’s the point because I don’t want to talk more than I have to especially if they’re a crying stranger. “There are some tissues in the driver’s seat pocket.”

“Aw, t-thanks.” You lean over grabbing a handful of tissues from the box and blowing.

“Sorry, I don’t have a trash bag.” He says, hoping you won’t just leave them in the back seats. He sighs in relief when you just crumple them up and keep them in your hands.

“It’s okay.” You nod trying to compose yourself better. “B-but actually, no. It’s not okay. I’m not okay.”

“Okay,” Yoongi tries to sound empathetic, but he’s really struggling. He just wanted to work a bunch tonight to make some money, but he had to get a strange rider today. He’s gotten a few strange riders in the past, but you’re costing him the most time out of all of them.

“I-I just wanted to go to my friend’s wedding party. You see, them plus a few other people and I were super close in middle school. We obviously drifted apart, b-but today I saw them in the convenience store. Me, buying peanuts because I just came from a flight and I love love love those airplane peanut snacks and was craving some more. Anyways, they were there buying condoms, like they were trying so hard to hide them, but it was so obvious, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Like go them. Go have safe sex, good kids. We were catching up for a bit like polite adults and they mentioned today was their wedding day. They had just finished the ceremony and were taking a little break before the party, and they invited me to it, and they scribbled the address on my hand and ugh I don’t know what happened, but either I can’t read or they wrote the wrong address—” You’re about to go on, but Yoongi doesn’t want you to get on any more tangents, so he interrupts with a nice-sounding comment.

“I’m sure they didn’t mean to mess up the address.”

“But they totally could have!” Dear God. You’re shouting now. Yoongi was trying to listen to NCT’s “Heartbreaker” playing in the background to soothe him as he listens to your complaints, but you’re just getting a bit rowdy right now, so Yoongi gives up and totally turns off the music.

“Well, it’s their wedding day. They’re probably overwhelmed.” Yoongi says defending himself and the stranger couple. At the same time he’s trying to lighten your load of self-blame.

“Sure...I just hope they don’t hate me.” You whimper. Your tears have finished flowing, and now you’re just hiccuping occasionally filling the silence that has built up. “I’m sorry for being dramatic.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with letting out your emotions sometimes.”

“Yeah, I guess.” You nod. Yoongi thinks you’re over the whole address debacle, but you bring it up again. “But really why do you think they gave me the wrong directions?”

“I really don’t know. I don’t think we’ll ever know.” Yoongi’s not set on finding the truth of the matter. He just wants to calm you down, so he offers up another explanation. “Maybe they were drunk?”

“Already? It was 2 pm.”

“It’s 5 pm somewhere.” A silence settles over the car again and Yoongi hopes he’s in the clear, able to just drop you off and then turn his NCT playlist back on again.

“Yeah.” You sigh. You’re back to your home. Your lonely home. You don’t even have a pet. Again, something about something makes you take a chance on Yoongi M., who still just wants to listen to NCT and pick up some more rides. “Hey, do you want to like come in for ice cream or a drink or something?”

“U-uh,” Yoongi’s stuttering. Is she trying to hook up with me??!! No customer has ever asked him anything like this. Maybe some flirters here and there, but they were obviously on something. The only thing you appear to be on is hurt emotions. He’s stunned. “Um.”

“I don’t have any malintentions! I swear. I just don’t have anyone to hang out with.” You’re being honest. You think this Yoongi M. is quite handsome, but you wouldn’t sleep with him, at least for now.

“A-a drink?” Yoongi’s still processing your request. “You’re not in the h-health department, right? I’m a responsible driver. I never drink and drive.”

“No! No way.” You shake your head, now regretting your second strange request. Maybe you’re asking too much of him. You lean over to look in the car’s side mirror and he looks shell shocked. Yes, you definitely are asking too much of him. You try to calm him down by revealing something about yourself. “I-I used to have an internship with the health department though. I wanted to be a doctor, but look at me now. I’m just some young lonely person in the city. I literally have no friends or family here. Like I’m not asking you to be my friend, but I just want friends.”

And he thinks about what just tumbled out of your mouth. Maybe you are the drunk one right now. Whatever. You honestly just seem like such a sad case, and something about something makes him trust you right now when he says, “Okay fine. I’ll hang out with you for a bit.”

“Yay!” You’re squealing, overjoyed to finally have someone to hang out with.

“But just because you’re such a sad case.” He mutters hoping you don’t really hear him, but you hear him anyways and don’t mind.

“Thanks.”

masterlist

[thesinglesjukebox]

MUNA - NUMBER ONE FAN

[6.20]

We have no choice but to (checks score) ...give a [6]?

Leah Isobel: About U's ability to make gay adolescence seem poetic instead of, like, thoroughly humiliating made it one of my favorite records of 2017, but any more elegiac lyrical evocations of the past would feel like too much navel-gazing. So for their new single, MUNA turn their eyes toward the present; the protagonist from their debut is a little older, much better at dancing, and officially Online. The vocoder turns Katie Gavin's already-brittle intonation into sheet metal, and the hollowness around the synth and guitar tones suggests one of those extremely '90s Internet PSAs. The lyrics, meanwhile, do something so completely obvious I can't believe it hasn't happened yet: They filter self-love through the purposefully exaggerated language of stan Twitter. Depending on my mood, this either reads as a brilliant evocation of the struggle to love oneself by just trying harder (borne out by the prechorus, which is the best part of the song), or as cheap pandering. The meta-implications of getting their audience to sing "I'm your number one fan!" back at them are too good for me to resist, but this particular strain of slang doesn't feel entirely suited to their brand of suburban emo. [7]

Will Adams: MUNA's mastery of imbuing sincerity into otherwise cheesy mantras (see also: "don't you be afraid of love and affection") is what lets them get away with a song that's about loving yourself, free of any of the subtext that usually comes with it, that even includes words like "stan" and "iconic" in its chorus. As with "I Know a Place," the mood is celebratory -- a grooving, Technotronic bassline, guitar licks peppered in judiciously, synth chords that burst like confetti -- only stopping to reveal its doubt in the bridge ("in the thick of it, will you stick up for me?"). For a Pride month particularly marked with dead-eyed corporate lip service and certain other pop stars fumbling with allyship, having something as earnest as "Number One Fan" is a damn triumph. [8]

Stephen Eisermann: This song makes no effort to hide its pandering, but with such a peppy production, it's almost forgivable. Almost. The disinterested vocal prevents this from being great, but man, was it close. [5]

Vikram Joseph: A song about self-belief that doesn't seem to believe in itself; the tightly-wound verses accumulate a potential energy that needs to find release, but instead spills away in the pre-chorus and evaporates entirely in the flaccid, anticlimactic chorus. The vocal melody bears much of the blame, flatlining around a few mid-range notes and exposing Katie Gavin's weaknesses as a vocalist. The brash synth that serves as a post-chorus drop is fun, but I'm not sure MUNA are very good at middle eights -- a slow, soupy 30 seconds also derailed "Winterbreak," a far better song than this. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: Yet another song that starts seething and knife-poised but immediately abandons all tension for major-key blahs. The only difference is "Number One Fan" doesn't even wait the whole verse to drop it. What it has instead is a chorus of stan shit. And given that for the past decade of my life, and probably for the rest of it, stans have shown me how many thousands of people think I'm an awful person, up to and including sending me death threats, echoes of that are not remotely assuring in any context. Nor is the overarching premise much better. I await the day pop culture and pop psychology stop haranguing people about how they should ignore the tides of people calling them shit, and instead direct those efforts at stopping the tides. [3]

Iris Xie: It has a hilarious intro that's a sure attention-grabber, but it settles back and becomes really muddled after the initial verse is over. Still, the screwy zipper of a synth throughout, combined with that delivery, makes me score it a [6] instead of a [5]. [6]

Katie Gill: It's interesting how this song simultaneously has a darker sound than the classic overlook-your-flaws, self-love songs of Alessia Cara, Pink, and Christina Aguilera, and yet is more upbeat and peppy than all three of those. The chorus is overproduced in such a way that I doubt "Number One Fan" will ever reach the sing-along status of some of MUNA's other work. But as weird and uneven and oddly constructed as "Number One Fan" is, I still love it a lot. [7]

Alex Clifton: "Number One Fan" has made me think about the all the time I spent loving various idols and hating myself. I've latched onto obsessions just to remind myself that there's something good in this world worth loving--my Jason Mraz years, that time I listened to only Arcade Fire for three months straight, the summer I could only focus on One Direction content, the whole year I spent focusing on BTS so I could ignore the trashfire of 2017. During those years I'd look at myself in the mirror and feel so unworthy of love for myself that I felt I had to pour it into something else. I never considered the concept of "being your own stan," but it's like all the stuff I've worked through in therapy--reworking your brain so it's not beating itself up, telling all those voices saying you're unlovable and evil and alone that they're wrong, taking all the bad thoughts and forcing them into something better and more productive. Rather than holing up and listening to Bon Iver in the dark for six hours, it's okay to love yourself and be your own biggest fan. "Number One Fan" is a much-needed reminder for me, and also probably one of my favourite songs this year. [8]

Jonathan Bradley: The diagnosis is better and more terrible than the cure. "I heard the bad news/nobody likes me and I'm gonna die alone" is delivered over forceful chunks of synth bass with declarative finality. It's bitter, perhaps because it's cruel or perhaps because it could be true. But when, for the chorus of "Number One Fan," Katie Gavin turns stan culture inward, it doesn't make it more uplifting; it subsumes her own esteem into that hungry emptiness. Nonetheless, the repetition of slang and filler words -- "like, oh my god, like," "so iconic, like big, like stan" -- in that hook builds up its own rhythmic sense, one that is more affirmative than the resolution itself. But it's the cold dread of the opening that is this song's best moment. Add that to "I knew, when you told me you don't want to go home tonight..." and "I saw a beautiful girl on the street/she looked nothing like me..." as evidence of this band's arresting ability to conjure scene-setting openers. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Of all the recent tracks to turn the dialect of stan twitter back onto itself, this is the only one to really work. That's partially because MUNA is a very good at the basic functionalities of being a band-- just listen to the little contours of the guitar track, or how self-assured the drum groove is. But "Number One Fan" really works because it understands that fandom is deeply self-centered yet never narcissistic. Obsessing in fandom is the abandonment of the self and the taking on of something greater than you as replacement. MUNA short circuits that equation: for better or for worse, the only thing to stan is yourself. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[kpop-probably]

Round 8: Semi- finals

AN: This one is a little long so I put the keep reading thing on it. Its 1,875 words. 

iKon 8th member AU

July 2016

The excitement was high backstage. The remaining six contestants will have solo performances with a special guest performers. All of them matched-up to go against another contestant. The contestant who earned the most amount of money during their match-up will advance to the final round, while the other gets eliminated. Making it this far should be accomplishment enough but for Asuka it isn't. She wants to show everyone, especially her female fans, that she can win it. The fans didn't approve of her in the beginning and wouldn't include her in the fan chants but since the show has started they have sent her nothing but love and she's even received some fan mail.

Asuka Pov

I'm sitting in the room for my team putting some finishing touches on my verses. I have a surprise guest tonight to feature on my song. I get up to go find Joon-Kyung oppa to get some feedback on what I wrote but when I open the door Xitsuh is standing outside of it. “Did you need something?” I start to look around to find any excuse to run away because the whole pretending someone called my name thing I usually do with YoYo whenever he tries to make really bad jokes, simply won't work in this situation because alas there isn't anyone in the hallway with us, just my luck. “I just learned that I'm going against you tonight and came to wish you luck.” But before I can thank him he continues speaking. “Hopefully whatever rhymes you have in your hand there are better than your little boyfriends disses.” He smirks and walks away before I can make any type of comeback. Things like this are what make me hellbent on winning, the men here are so misogynistic and egotistical I often wonder how they're gonna take it when a woman knocks them off of that pedestal. I roll my eyes and turn around to continue on my journey in finding the man I need. But once again i'm stopped when I see a familiar figure wearing my favorite hat on him. “Jae won?” he turns around at the sound of my voice and smiles “Nuna just the woman I was looking for.” I smile shyly “It seems like i'm a woman in high demand today.” He raises an eyebrow at my confession. “Xitsuh came to the room and just wanted to trash talk.” “Well what’d he say?” “He came and said he wanted to wish me luck, but then turned around and said he hopes I wrote something good tonight, then proceeded to call you my “Boyfriend.” I don't take much notice to how he stiffens at the mention of me being chastised about our relationship or whatever this is. “So… Boyfriend huh?” I roll my eyes which also seems to be popular tonight and walk away before he grabs my arm and pulls me back into his chest. “You shouldn't walk away from your boyfriend nuna it's rude.” “I don't believe you've actually asked me to be your girlfriend mister.”

Jae won POV

“I don't believe you've actually asked me to be your girlfriend mister.” I freeze up again and the box in my back pocket feels heavier than before. I went and got her a gift to make asking this a little less awkward. “Actually that's why I was looking for you.” She turns around a little and tilts her head at me, I can tell she's trying to act casual but her wide eyes are a dead give away of her nerves. Her eyes -- they always giver her away, she's really bad at concealing her feelings, all you have to do is look into those beautiful brown eyes of hers. I reach into my back pocket. “Turn around, close your eyes, and move your hair for me please.” she hesitates but moves her hair off her neck anyway. I take a breath and pull the necklace from the box and slide it around her neck and fasten it. “Ok open.” she looks down at it and looks back up at me. “I know we've only known each other for about 7 months, but there's just something about you. I can't even lie, you stay on my mind a lot. Whenever I see you I get lost in you all the damn time. I know it's quick but i'd like to take you on a date if you'll let me?” She smiles real big and shakes her head really fast and I can't help but laugh at how cute she is. But before we get to enjoy our little moment Joon-Kyung hyung comes up smirking knowingly “I'd hate to break up this little moment lovebirds but Ms Asuka you're up kid.” with that he walks away “Damnit I didn't even get him to look over my verses.” I turn to her and notice she's nervous again. I grab her shoulders to grab her attention. “No matter what you have written down I know you're gonna kill it.” She smiles and hears her name getting called so she starts jogging away but does a U turn and I get confused “Did yo-” I'm cut off by her smashing her lips into mine and running off again.

Asuka POV I smile glad to know that he's here to support me and that the boys are somewhere watching me. The beat i'm doing my first verse on to get the crowd hype, starts playing and I take that as my cue to walk out and start rapping

Bobby called said let me get the car key, you don't want it with the Osaka Barbie, keep marquis, everything sparkly (man down) hit em on a walkie talkie. Hit em, knock knock tell em let me in. my name ring bells, bitch buzz me in, and I only stop for pedestrians or real real bad lesbians. Hit em with the mac hit em with the tec 9 hit em with the rugger by the intersex line put my whole burrough on my back and i'm gooda i don't wanna hear what you would, what you coulda I represent all the girls that stood up, used to drink water with a little bit of sugar now i'm in the gym with my squats and my sit ups young japan pin up, i'm that bitch yea I been up now i'm tellin YG to step his bid up!

The crowd gets hype and before I start my actual song i notice i already have $2,000 on the board. The lights get darker and my second beat starts and I take a deep breath and start rapping again

Better move, better make a better move, Better run quick, hide, 'cause see me I never lose Better shoot, take a shot better shoot, I’ma get what's mine, get the product and the loot, better grind, Tell me where I've gotta go and get it, tell me what I gotta do, I gotta get the benefits and look around, tell me what I gotta go against, Tryna show me who can stop me, I’ma show you I'ma win, 'Cause I am the queen, I am what they want, I have something that cannot be bought, I am the queen, yes I am a boss, I'm in command, I take no days off

Before the hook can start my special guest comes out and the crowd goes even more nuts when the doors open and Jooheon steps out. He starts rapping his part and I look out into the crowd and notice their shocked faces. Everyone most likely thought I would pull some strings and bring someone from YG like G dragon who I haven't even met yet, Mino, Joon oppa thought I'd bring Jae won back, or maybe even one of the boys but I wanted to go out of the box and out of YG so I called up Jooheon, who I met at an awards show a few months ago even though i've been a fan of his for awhile, I was ecstatic when he said yes. While he's rapping I go out into the crowd and they get even louder.

You don’t gotta watch that throne 'cause it's mine, Give that crown 'cause it been my time, There ain’t never be another quite like I, cause if crime pays them i'm bout that life, where? Tell where the queens is at?, independent women that don't need a king for that, 'Cause I am the queen, I am what they want, I have something that cannot be bought, I am the queen, yes I am a boss, I'm in command, I take no days off

When the song ends and I look up at the board I notice that I earned $6,780,000, which is 3x what Xitsuh made which means i'm going to the finals and his ass is going home! I run to Jooheon and thank him for coming and performing with me and as we walk backstage he says  “Anytime, anything for my big sister” and he smiles. As soon as I step foot off stage I'm bombarded with hugs and and Joon kyung even goes as far as putting me onto his shoulder. “You did fucking amazing!! See whatd I tell you the rap barbie got this in the bag.” He's become keen on calling me the “rap barbie” because he says my face and personality dont match my style of rapping. I smile but see Jae standing against a wall waiting patiently for me to be done. I excuse myself and walk over to him. “See what happens when you have confidence in yourself?” I blush but thank him anyway. He leans in and kisses my forehead and says “I have to go i'm supposed to be in the studio right now, I snuck out to see you and if I don't get back now my manager is gonna have my ass on a plate.” I laugh and thank him for coming but before he walks away we hear someone gasping and I turn around and my jaw drops when I notice that Bobby is standing just a few feet away in what looks like...my jacket? I run up and jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him and hug until he can't breathe. “Nuna.. as much as I love your hugs i'd like to live to see you make it to the finals so please let go.” “What are you doing here? And who said you could wear my jacket?” I let him go and he looks back at Jae then back at me and raises his eyebrow. “Shouldn't I be the one asking the questions?” before I could answer Jae comes and wraps his arm around my waist. “I asked her out on a date if that's alright with you.” Jae knows how much I love Bobby and how close we are so I smile hearing that he cares about his opinion. Bobby smiles that goofy smile of his and I laugh. 

“Of course it's alright i'm glad you finally did it, you guys were starting to make me sick.”

Authors note: This one is a little long but im happy with it and hope everyone likes it!! I've never been in a relationship myself so im sorry if Jae and Asuka are cringy but I love them! 

[terri9274]

Taylor’s Unreleased Songs

This is me trying to coalesce some of her unreleased songs and how I interpret a pretty clear queer reading. I might do more than one of these, not sure. I’m definitely not a lyric analysis person but I’ll highlight the songs and some choice lyrics I think are very gay-coded and about her experience as a young gay teenager. Now, who could these songs be about you may ask? For most I don’t know. I don’t really know when most of these were written but most of her unreleased songs were written Pre-2006, prior to the release of her first album. So in that vein, some of them could be about her high school girlfriends, Lacey and Kelsey. Or an unknown crush or hook up. Okay, let’s get into this. Most of the credit for lyrics goes to AZlyrics.com. Most of the songs I’m gonna talk about are here. 

                                “Angelina”

There’s some posts about this already around here and an amazing analysis by @that-curly-haired-lesbian here EDIT: This was written much younger than I thought. She wrote it in middle school in 2002(x)

                              “Being with my baby”

All is quiet in the world tonight Catching stars and fireflies The summer sings a lullaby With just me and my baby On the hood of his daddy's car Pass around his old guitar Bet mama's wondering where we are It's just me and my baby The world is spinning round Cause look just what I've found

Ooh, life's so sweet right here Ooh, keeping it young and crazy Ooh, just wanna stay right here Cause nothing's quite like being with my baby Driving home by the river side Wishing I could slow down time Taking pictures in my mind Both me and my baby The car pulls up and I'm home too late We didn't take that interstate Back roads was a better way For me and my baby The closer that we get Oh, I can't leave yet

Look at what we've found So turn that car around

This reminds me of “Our song” with the subtle-ish sneaking around and the mama lyric. Otherwise cute af song. What if this is about the same person “Tim Mcgraw” is about. She mentions summer in both songs. It seems like she wants time to slow like they only have the summer left like “Tim Mcgraw”. The whole car date under the stars seems familiar(and gay). What if “Tim Mcgraw” is about Lacey, her first girlfriend. The timeline of what we know about Lacey and her fit. Written in 2004(x)

                          “Better off & “Fall back on you”

Talked about these songs here (x) EDIT: “Better off” written in 2004. “Fall back on you” written in 2005.(x)

                                    “Closest to a cowboy”

Snap buttons on a denim shirt Blue jeans and a little dirt That’s the closest you’ll see me Feet hanging out a pickup truck Crazy and a little rough Running free That’s the closest to a cowboy You’ll see me Before I met him I was so sane and grounded Before he taught me how to lie And crawl out the window I learned the dirt roads And I got my heart broken Cause that cowboy taught me how to cry And how to let go I thought there for a little while Every sunset I’d be a riding off with him 

 It was all a little Wonderful and strange But I’ll never look At a sunset the same light 

There’s sneaking around again that is similar to “Our song”, which is important to note she wrote around the same time, like 2005, like most likely most of these songs. What is this is again about the same person “Tim Mcgraw” and “Our song” are about(x) Boyfriend Taylor for the win!

                              “I know what I want”

Don’t try me Don’t fight me You be you and I’ll be me They say I’ve always known What I wanted My friends and enemies Will tell you it’s true You will find out I always get it I know what I want And it ain’t you Your mum and daddy’s walls Are covered up in pictures of you You never met a mirror That you didn't look again into So sorry, don’t worry I’m sure there are so many girls Who love you like you do

Oh baby, don’t persuade me I know that you ain’t used to no So let me say it real slow 

This song is badass and GAY. I love a Taylor song that’s feisty and self-assured and confident. It could be about a guy bothering her even though she has been so clear she knows what she wants and it will never be him(or any guy), especially not some conceited asshole who won’t leave her alone. I love this cuz listening I’m like “You go, Taylor tell him off that you’re fucking gay!” Lol. There are some myspace comments of Taylor’s that are similar the theme of this song a little that I was fascinated by so here they are.

Dec 29, 2005 2:44

Lil’ Kels.

hahahhaha

I looove love love your new pictures. You are pretty,

You’re right.. you better watch out.

Because I do what I want.

-T-

What if this song is at least indirectly about Kelsey? Am I losing my mind? Possibly, possibly. The poem really just reminds me of this song, but like a sadder side of the coin. Either way, this is MAN-HATING LESBIAN WITCHERY. I’m gonna leave you with some wise words from Ms. Leslie Jones that I think is appropriate.

                                    “I used to fly”

I’m hopelessly lost with this song. Maybe a metaphor for hiding a relationship with someone, and they broke up? Its just so vague I really don’t know.

                                    “I’m every woman”

This is a cover and its sexy and cute. Go, Taylor!

                              “Just south of knowing why”

She didn't have a reason to go, oh no She didn't have a reason to stay Either way she didn't tell anyone about her first ray of sun She looked at her keys and found a reason to run And time stands still when you're nowhere bound But I understand it somehow If I could drive all night would I find my peace of mind? Would it be a million miles of cold white lies And unfamiliar exit signs? I just drive on by, just south of knowing why I didn't really know her that well But I could tell that her smile was only something to hide behind She felt so out of touch, cuz she just felt too much If you don't know what you want nothing's ever enough

I don't have a plan, I don't have a map I don't even know if I'm ever going back I don't have a when and I don't have a where I don't even know if I'll know when I'm there

Female pronouns!!! Don’t really get what the songs about exactly except obviously she’s very upset(maybe because of the girl). Maybe she was with a girl for a short time and the girl broke up with her because she didn’t know what she wanted, leaving poor Tay heartbroken and alone in her feelings.

                               “Live for the little things”

One daybreak, one heartache Every once-upon-a-time That black dress, happiness Bubble baths and quarter lines

This is interesting. That verse remind you of anything? “ When you think happiness I hope you think that little black dress”. “Tim McGraw” anyone? Possibly this song is also about Lacey?

                                   “Long time coming”

I got a lying smile I never put out for you Cause I guess I never felt like I really needed to And they say little girls have big dreams And nothing in the world was gonna come between me and you And it was a long time coming I waited half my life just to find someone like you I spent a long time finding out love hangs around after you walk out Not knowing it'd be a long time going They say it's better to have lost than never to have loved at all And I say, whoever said that didn't have too far to fall And they say little girls are so naive That wasn't how it was supposed to be with me and you

I've burned my bridges, had sleepless nights Washed my sins on the neon lights And I'm still not over you

What that? Oh, just the sound of my heart breaking.  “ Washed my sins on the neon lights”. *coughs*gay. Reminds me of the Red album prologue actually. The Neruda quote she quote, “Love is so short, forgetting is so long”. Right, @theredalbumprologue? Sorry, absolutely could not resist. Gender neutral.

                                  “Mandolin”

People there can't help but care About the friendly music of a guy Who's getting by from their applause He's got a song that moves along He's got his local crowd tonight At Angelina's family bar and grill He's got his heart on his sleeve The songs he plays just living free But who knows what goes through his mind When he plays a song it brings along Everybody saying Who's that guy who plays the mandolin... mandolin Oh yeah, mandolin

Oh he's the kind of guy Who never really wanted fame His feet are planted firmly on the ground He never wanted people to remember his name He never wanted word to get around That he found heaven on earth He's got his heart on his sleeve The songs he plays just living free But who knows what goes through his mind When he plays a song it brings along Everybody saying Who's that guy who plays the mandolin Oh, I'm the guy who plays the mandolin Mandolin Oh, mandolin

This song is a mindfuck! I was just minding my business walking my dog and then the last verse plays and ????. What kind of gay shit have I stumbled upon. I don’t even think Taylor plays the mandolin, but not sure. The whole, what goes through his mind when he plays a song is very interesting, maybe she’s saying “hey, I got closeted by my team so I can be successful in country music and maybe everyone doesn’t know who I’m really singing about and how I feel, cuz the whole my songs are my diary isn’t exactly me, its a persona.”  At Angelina's family bar and grill, what the fuck, right @that-curly-haired-lesbian? I am confusion though, I don’t get how most of this remotely fits Taylor. BUT VERY GAY.

                          “The diary of me”

I’m a laid back T-shirt, blue jean, mood ring Kinda girl Hey yeah what’s the word on you Lay low I’m a mission rebel Angel devil Little left of the middle Sometimes I get temperamental But here I am an open book Turn the page it’s all the rage Get a look on the inside Oh what you get is what you see Baby you hold the key To the diary of me 

This is like the song form of her public persona during the start of her career. Total boyfriend Taylor in full view. She clearly used to write before she really made it more openly about certain things that later she couldn’t really talk about, like it seems she rather not wear traditionally feminine clothes in favor of nice t-shirt. Yet what does she wear in public and for performances? Just something to think about. She writes lyrics like this in many earlier songs, “A place in this world”, “Tim Mcgraw”, “Diary of me”, “Closest to a cowboy”, “A Place in this world”, “What to wear”,”You belong with me”. Forced femininity AND being closeted and having to act “straight” is a nasty combination. The whole my songs are my diary was the inception of her authenticity problem because Swifties STILL think that they know everything about her and that she wouldn’t “lie” to them. Closeting is not a lie. This era she’s really trying to get the farthest away from that than ever. See the Rep prologue. She has been inviting speculation into the simple clear fact that people just see what she shows them and that things aren’t always as they seem.(x) But it’s more explicit than ever now. 

                                    “My turn to be me”

Something about me didn't fit into your perfect world I bet the bluegrass stained your smile You should use a darker color when you write on the wall I haven't read it a thousand times Maybe if you saw me for a second you would realize Honey I was trying so hard To talk, walk, think, stop Anytime you want me to Bend all my rules I used to let you choose Who you wanted me to be This time I'm flying free It's my turn to be me

Looks like she’s trying to fit into the mold of heteronormative standards, she wanted to be accepted. The straights think this song is about a guy she was dating that was very controlling, but through a queer perspective it seems obviously much deeper than that. Although, possibly she dated a guy for a little bit as part of her trying to fit in and she felt trapped and with all these expectations that were not her. Just an idea. Either way, this song is about breaking free from that toxic thinking and realizing the most important thing is making yourself happy. In other words, the rise a gayby boyfriend Taylor?! GAY. 

                                       “My cure”

I know we've got a lot to say Between now and forever But I'd be a game if you would play And not dare this to get better So all throughout the day You smile and walk away All I can think to do Is follow you If you ever leave I'll be crawling back for more If you ever need love I'm standing at your door I'll be sick inside if baby you would be my cure Wherever you think I am tonight Just know we're miles from a heartbreak Because in the blink of one pretty brown eye I'll be right where you are baby

Sometime along the way You took my breath away Distracted by the view I fall right into you

They say I need to see all the people out there waiting But you take one look at me And I know the mistake I'd be making

I know we've got a lot to say between now and forever

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. One of my favorites that I listened to. It is such a soft gay anthem! Although, yes very adorable, seems she could also be referencing that a lot of people did and still do say that being gay is a sickness and unnatural(x). So it seems in this she is saying that she doesn’t care if people know or find out and call her things because “This love”(her queerness) is good no matter what they say. Gender neutral. She says pretty brown eye, so if that is accurate it can’t be about Kelsey(she has green eyes). Maybe Lacey or an unknown girl.

                                    “Never mind”

Look at you Look at me Look at who we could be I wanna know who you are What you want from the stars And every time I look at you I can hardly say a thing My head starts to spin and it hits me then I love you And every time you look at me I could go crazy but I don't Say it but I won't 'Cause I'd rather be alone than lose you And all I really wanna do is be next to you But I'm too tired to fight And I could tell you now But baby, never mind All the time Everyday There's nothing I can do, baby, to make it go away So look at you And look at me And think of who we could be But every time I look at you I can hardly say a thing My head starts to spin and it hits me then I love you And every time you look at me I could go crazy but I don't Say it but I won't 'Cause I'd rather be alone than lose you

All I really wanna say is I need you, babe But how could you understand? What happens if you turn away and everything turns blue and grey? And I just wish I told you never mind And I could tell you now, but baby, never mind Yeah, oh yeah I could tell you now but never mind Yeah, oh yeah yeah And I could tell you now but never mind

This screams straight girl crush who she was friends with. 

                               “Don’t hate me for loving you”

He walked around my life And made me blind With every single move He caught me staring at him Mad about him Little that I knew Love is different When you play the fool And all I wanna do is say Don't walk away now And don't rip my heart out Don't you make cry tonight Like you always do And don't hate me for loving you

Unrequited straight girl crush. She’s written many songs like this but this is this is very stark and explicit and just very gay-coded more than others like this, i think. Some examples, “Teardrops on my guitar”, “Invisible”, “Stay beautiful”, “Hey stephen”, “You belong with me”, “Don’t hate me for loving you”, “Never mind”. What straight girl would worry that a boy would HATE her for liking him? Thinking the girl you have a crush on would be disgusted by you and your feelings and totally reject you is terrifying and heartbreaking and something basically all lesbians can relate to especially when they were young. SAD.

                                    “One thing”

It wasn't just like a movie The rain didn't soak through my clothes, down to my skin I'm driving away and I, I guess you could say This is the last time I'll drive this way again When there's nothing to say and I try to grab at the fray Cause I, I still love you but I can't Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side Bye, bye, baby I want you back but it's coming down to nothing And all you have is to walk away From the one thing I thought would never leave me, yeah The picture frame is empty It's black and white, you're smiling down at me I take your photo off the dash And back to the conversation I was so sure of everything we thought we'd always have I'm lost in the sound of it But here in the now comes in Seems like I'm becoming part of your past

And there's so much that I can't touch You're all I want but it's not enough this time And I can feel you like your slipping through my hands And I'm so scared of how this ends

Gender neutral. Has echoes of “If this was a movie”. SAD and gay. Break up:( 

                                  “Spinning around”

Not sure what its about but it seems metaphorical. Maybe her feelings for girls in a way make her feel cornered and caged, if I may. Hard to say.

                                    “Stupid boy”

Let me know, how's it feel To be under my skin, wrapped around my heart Is it like anywhere you've been? And everything I do, I do it just for you So why the hell don't you love me? Why the hell don't you need me like I need you? Are you so far above me? Don't you know that there's nothing I wouldn't do? But I was just a toy, which you destroyed Stupid boy I have been looking in, trying to read your mind Give you the benefit of the doubt, every single time And then you walk right by, I'm screaming out inside Why the hell don't you love me? Why the hell don't you need me like I need you? Are you so far above me? Don't you know that there's nothing I wouldn't do? But I was just a toy, which you destroyed Stupid boy What happens when you wake up, to see that you've lost? You take one look at me, 'cause that's what it cost. I was gonna be everything you need 'Cause you're everything to me 

No-homo and of course still so gay. Maybe about a girl who was just using her and didn’t have feelings for her or a girl scared of her feelings for Taylor? Very emo gay. Poor Tay.

                                   “Perfect have I loved”

If you love me, then I love you Swear by the freckles on the moon And maybe this will be enough I'd like to keep you till I'm old But if I can't, at least I'll know That, baby, perfect have I loved Do you remember the stupid things we used to do Before September stole me away from you? The time we got your truck stuck in the creek 'Cause, baby, roads weren't wild enough for you and me Saying...

I used to see you by the bridge we used to cross I found the feeling of trying to get lost You would smile that smile that I tried so hard to forget It's hard to light a fire that I still haven't put out yet

Love was all we knew And faith was growing on the vines Words were all we had And for one summer, you were mine Saying...

Very similar theme and possible timeline with this and “Tim McGraw” which I think is also about Lacey. Summer times and september? Lacey was 2 years older, this feels like a twin song to “Tim Mcgraw”. I think the timeline fits. Such a soft gay anthem, can’t get over it. Gender neutral.

                                     “Sugar”

What a thing to see What a thing to be What a perfect love, what a perfect home 'Cause every time she walks And every time she talks Is every time he knows what a perfect world he's living on But whenever he's gone and when she's all alone His heart goes out to her on the telephone And he says, "Sugar, how I love you How I think about you all the time" He calls her "Sugar" 'cause she's the sweetest thing Oh, she's the best thing he'll ever find With her midnight hair And with his favorite stare She's a southern belle, he's a rockout king When she looks around Oh, she knows she's found Such a perfect life, such a perfect thing

Oh, there's a reason for every season There's a change within the range of every heart But the reason and the season Seem to be right so far 

AAAAHHH. We all know in many songs Taylor steps into the perspective of the boy to sing about girls. It just hit me much after thinking about this, that she’s doing the same but for an entire song! At first I didn’t really think if its personal, but usually with Taylor it is even when she says its not, so its a strong possibility. SO GAY.  “ Oh, she's the best thing he'll ever find”, “Mine” parallel!!! Also, rockout king?? “king of my heart anyone?? Except in this case, Karlie isn’t the king. Lol. Who, pray say, is a musician?. She wrote it like that so no one would think its about her. GAY GAY. Lesbihonest.

                              “Sweet tea and gods graces”

Tire swings, summer dreams, honeysuckle on the breeze Whistle County creek Laying in the green grass, I was watching clouds pass Baby, you were watching me Cold barn struck bed, everything you said Slowly educating me I never had a lesson so sweet You can get high on a first kiss You can get by with sweet tea and God's graces You can love like a sinner and lose like a winner Nothing's shatterproof You can crash and burn and come back someone new And that's what I learned from you Autumn rain, window pane, looking how the leaves change Just like the two of us Still got your laugh, your ghost, your jacket Guess I loved you way too much But I'm a little smarter, my heart's a little harder But it's still soft enough to cry Cause I remember those times I remember.........

Saw you just the other day All that I could think to say was, "Hey, how have you been?" You caught me with that old smile Said, "It's really been a while, And I still think about back when.."

“Don’t blame me”, anybody? Getting high on kissing? Loving like sinners? Hmmmm. What do a lot of religious people call gay people again? Another song talking about summer. Lacey? Relating her experiences growing up christian with her queer relationships and feelings. Seems like she is very positive and accepting of her being gay and not struggling with religion in this, which is good. She said recently at a Rep secret sessions that she isn’t religious. Character development.

                                “Tell me”

It was something like a perfect start to This love yesterday but now who are you I thought I knew Your eyes how to know to look right through me It's like you forgot the words you whispered to me They weren't true It's like it wasn't you Could you tell me what did I do Because it can't be we're already through Did you sell me out for a fool After you held me is that just what you do What did you need from me Tell me Take time to realize I know That people change their minds But that was something I wished you would say To my face But you run away

If I had a reason or a simple goodbye Baby even a lie Yeah Yeah 

It seems to me to be about Taylor and a girl,  they had a nice night and then the girl got scared about her feelings and when into repression mode. She could be terrified of everything, including anyone finding out, her family, the idea of getting kicked out. So she decided to fully stop talking to Taylor or explain whats going on because she doesn’t trust being around Taylor. Just an idea. 

                                   “Ten dollars and a six pack” 

This is about a person Taylor was dating who was bad news and who wasn’t really faithful. It looks like Taylor broke up with her. Maybe Kelsey?

                                      “Matches”

I LOVE this. Gives me such “Picture to burn” vibes. I’m quite a slut for angry Taylor, sue me. “Truck on fire”, also reminds me of “Should’ve said no”. So maybe this is also about Kelsey? Badass song. 

                                         “That’s life”

“Love or lie, live or die I, well, I guess that's life”

That lyric caught my eye. Could be gay, not sure. Take it as you will.

                                 “Thinkin’ bout you”

I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you Your face jumped right in my way Like lately things do Oh, baby can’t you see The thought of you makes a mess of me I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you and now I I can’t walk straight, I can’t talk straight I can’t think about anything but the way It should be and it could be And till you come around again I will be Doing what I usually do Thinking about you I get lost when I drive around town Thinking about your smile I always end up on your side of town And I don’t know why There must be something under this hood That’s got a mighty strong liking to you I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you and lately

Your eyes are the color of the deep blue sea The one that I go swimming in every time you look at me

I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you...

Gay ass hilarious mess of a song! She really is a lesbian icon. I mean how much more relatable can she get?? She’s channeling Sappho with this. Hahahaha. Clearly she ain’t talking about a “straight” crush. LOL. “Gorgeous” anyone? Ocean blue eyes? Haha. The song form of too gay to function.

                            “Thirteen Blocks”

Beautiful. Sad. She’s driving to break up with someone but she’s uncertain and hesitant and sad about it. Very well-written. 

                         “This is really happening”

Beneath the chandelier of stars and atmosphere Tangled like the roots on the ground The windows opened up The wind is blowing and we're both not making a sound It’s like I’m melting on into you Give me a reason why we should ever move and Tell me You’ll never leave me and I’m not crazy and This is really happening That this is really happening Could this be better? You write me letters So you see me everyday You tend to treat me like My name is up in lights It really blows me away Lock me up in a dark room And I still can’t take my eyes off you 

All those kisses up against your car For all those wishes on planes We thought were stars Memories like photographs Oh Baby,Here we are 

Tell me You’ll always need me That I drive you crazy And this is really happening Oh,that this is really happening 

The softest gay anthem! The pickup truck under the stars seems familiar again, doesn’t it? About Lacey? Written probably before “Tim Mcgraw” because this is the start of the relationship. If about Lacey makes sense why she is so wonderstruck because this could be all new to her. “This love”(her queerness) is good and Its how she’s supposed to feel! 

                               “Til Brad Pitt comes along”

Do you remember the day I leaned up against your car And it started rolling down the street You screamed and ran after it And tried to open the door And it ran over your foot And I was too busy laughing on the ground to see. It would take Brad Pitt to leave you It takes five seconds to need you When I'm mad at all the lovebirds 'Cause they don't know to play our song I wish that pretty girls couldn't see you I wish that all your roads would lead you right to me 'Cause that's where you belong Until Brad Pitt comes along Do you remember the time we watched Carrie And you said it reminded you of me And I threw the remote at you And you said "my point exactly" And later on that night, under the neon city lights, You paid a homeless guy to sing a song to me. 

You call me lucky 'cause I lose everything But I swear I'd be careful with it If you gave me a ring

CUTE. Another funny song, amazing! Taylor as Carrie? Hahhaaha. Funny that in the chorus she says “Our song”. Maybe Lacey again? 

                          “We were happy”

When it was good baby, It was good baby We showed 'em all up No one could touch the way we Laughed in the dark Talking 'bout your daddy's farm We were gonna buy someday And we were happy

Subtle sneaking around? Gender neutral. 

                                         “What do you say”

What do you say, when you just know That he's the one, and you wanna go fast But he's taking it slow And what do you do, when he's next to you But he's a little bit shy Well here's something you can try Hey, hey what do you say We go walking down the river all together It's a warm May beautiful day And I feel like I could Talk to you forever With the sun shining bright It feels just like a day When everything's gonna go just right I know it will be a sweet memory For you and me someday What do you say? What do you see, when you look in his eyes There's something there That he can't disguise No matter how he tries And what do you feel, when you know its real And you can't sit still If you don't own up will yeah

My imagination's running away Just dreaming about What I want you to say

Another soft gay anthem! Taylor taking the lead because the other person is “shy”. *coughs*Gay. Adorable laughing in the end.

                              “Me and Britney” 

This song is about Taylor’s childhood and still current friend Britany Maack. She played this at the Bluebird cafe. She wrote this really young, probably 13.

                             “What to wear”

Sixteen blue jeans, Abercrombie T-shirt Shoes, purse, hair tied back And you should see her She's got her magic Floating through the air

She wrote this song so you aren’t sure if its about her or a story but usually she is writing personally even when she says she isn’t(”You are in love”). Boyfriend Taylor again. She sure loves t-shirts. 

                      “Who I’ve always been”

About her music career and hard work. Feisty Tay.

                         “You do”

She’s enamored with someone. “Boy, you got me like a shot to the heart Got me shakin' so bad, spilled my coffee in the car”.  These lyrics reminded me of “Getaway car” and the shakin’ lyric “dress” and “So it goes”. Just sayin’.

                           “Your anything”

I bet you lie awake at night Trying to make up your sweet mind Wondering if you'll ever find Just what you want A home-town number one Or a California loaded gun But you know you only get one Or that's what you thought But here's what you've got [Chorus:] I could be your favorite blue jeans With the holes in the knees In the bottom of the top drawer I could be your little beauty queen Just a little outta reach Or the girl living next door I'll be your angel giving up her wings If that's what you need I'd give everything to be your anything If you want hard to get If you want... All you have to do is let me know If you want a bumpy ride Or someone with a softer side Either one'll be alright Just let me know Cause this is where it goes 

It's not like I'm giving up who I am for you but for someone like you it's just so easy to do  

Massive crush Tay. But thats very normal for baby gaylor. She got it real bad. Hard to say if it’s unrequited or not, doesn’t really say. Tay, you don’t need to change yourself tho! Haha

                               “Your face”

I heard a song tonight on the radio Another girl sings about a boy Just sees his face in every space in every room And i know that if i turn around you won't be there If i close my eyes will you be there? I don't wanna lose your face And i don't wanna wake one day And not remember what time erased And i don't wanna turn around Coz i'm not scared Of what love gave me and took away And i don't wanna lose your face I've got a picture of you in my bedroom And i hope it never falls And i hope i never lose that feeling I used to get when you would call And now i wonder to myself Who were you and where are you? Were you ever here at all? 

That girl in the song had it so good I wish i could close my eyes and see you I wish the sky had your face And the oceans had your eyes And the sunset had your lips And i had you 

Clever, Swift! Talk about a girl and boy outside of your experience for comparison so everyone would assume she’s also singing about a boy but in actuality totally gender neutral! Nice. She wants the sunset to have this person(girls) lips? Not gay at all...

                                 “Wait for me”

Amazing anaylsis of this by @that-curly-haired-lesbian right here!

Finishing this long ass post just to further the point that her unreleased songs are fucking amazing and Gaylor Swift is a musical lesbian icon back then and of course still is! See you on the Gayside.

[anyways-wonderwall]

Album of the Week #20

Stunt

(1998)

By: Barenaked Ladies

Overall Rating: 7.5/10

TL;DR: “The American College Experience” but through the medium of a sarcastic Canadian band

Whenever I buy an album it instantly goes on the “to-review” list, mostly because it guarantees that I'll listen to the whole album several times. This one I found at a record store for $4 and with a single like “One Week” I had no choice but to buy it. I think this is the first album in this kind of 90s that I’m reviewing, so not only am I finally writing a review but it's something unique!

(oh and apparently Barenaked Ladies has a Christmas album?? I originally meant to write this review during Christmas so I thought that was a fun coincidence.)

Overall Thoughts

The first time I heard “One Week” was because of a 90s piano book that featured it and all of its glorious verses, and was further encouraged to seek out that song by my mom who saw them in concert long ago.

Listening to this album was my first time hearing any other song they had written, and wow do they sound like something my mom would listen to. It screams “American College Experience” but through the medium of a sarcastic Canadian band. At first I thought it was too acoustic countryish for me but I ended up really liking this album.

First off, the lyrics are… something. Wikipedia says they’re “college rock” which confused me, but then I heard “Alcohol” and everything made sense. Obviously the lyrics in the album are goofy: “One Week” features the iconic “Chickity China, the Chinese chicken” and the before-its-time “boom anime babes that make me think the wrong thing”, and from “Never is Enough” is the great line “You're sick with salmonella 🤪”.

I think the lyrics that make this feel solidly like college rock are in “Alcohol” and “In the Car”, the first being about discovering the fun of alcohol and the second being about fun “In the Car”. I personally hated the lyrical content of the second one because I just don’t wanna hear that in detail, especially from a 30 something-year-old who is already married with a kid on the way. It just seems like the wrong time to sing about it man.

And that's the tricky thing here, yes I think the lyrics are mostly great and funny, but some of it feels weird when you remember that this band is not freshly out of college, but has been making music for almost 10 years. I think the layer of sarcasm also makes me forget that and makes the songs just funny enough I can forget about it while listening, but every once and a while it comes creeping back.

When I had gotten halfway through the album I had planned on writing that the instrumentation wasn’t anything unique, but it has some gems in there! “I’ll Be That Girl” has something like an accordion, “Alcohol” has a synth that is reminiscent of Splatoon, “Call and Answer” and “When You Dream” have FLUTES (all caps because it is the best instrument), “Some Fantastic” has a samba piano in an alternative rock song, and according to my notes “Who Needs Sleep?” has something that sounds like “the ticket machine at Chuck E Cheese”. That is honestly a fair amount of variation and is quirky enough that I’m hooked.

Oh and I just gotta shout out one more song that is great, “Light Up My Room”. The way that it descends in the chorus?? Just kill me. (My other favorites of the album were “One Week” (which spent one week at number 1), “Alcohol”, and “Get In Line”.)

Final Verdict

I think this album does a great job of sounding very similar but unique enough that I can tell every song apart without trying. The silly lyrics do a great job of getting stuck in your head and the main riff of each one is just as catchy. This album is like a free concert you heard about the day of in the middle of July and decided “why not?”; at the end of the night you can’t get your smile off your face and in your half-asleep haze, you can’t help but hum your favorite on the ride home.

[caveatauditor]

My favorite albums, days 1-10

Friends have requested that I share my favorite albums on social media, preferably with vaguely autobiographical blurbs accompanying them, so to avoid polluting the wholesomeness of my Facebook timeline with music geekery, these are they until I change my mind. I excluded albums from this decade because the decade isn’t over, so the ten gems that follow represent an attempt to make history conform to me.

1. Lil Wayne, Da Drought 3

Two discs of Wayne freestyling, bloviating, and holding a conversation over a bunch of sampled and/or stolen and/or obscure music, arranged randomly because in theory the mixtape goes on forever in both directions, a gorgeous tapestry whose details happen to consist of delectable beats and wild free-associative blather. Wayne raps like a child in a candy store, eschewing parsable semantic content in favor of puns and stray impulses and improvised phonetic twaddle and whatever he feels like saying in the moment; likewise, the beats don’t cohere, sonically or in sequence, instead sticking as many hooks as possible wherever possible as often as possible; the overall result comes off like a transmission from the filthiest corner of the id. The ultimate triumph of mid-‘00s mixtape culture, Da Drought 3 is fabulous aural wallpaper and hardly an album at all, so of course it’s my favorite album.

2. Joni Mitchell, Hejira

Given how beloved this album is among a surprisingly large number of my friends, I almost went with the equally astonishing Hissing of Summer Lawns, but let’s be real now--Hejira is flawlessly, magnificently beautiful like nothing else I’ve ever heard. The guitar lines lap and peal over breathtakingly wide, sweeping expanses of empty space--space like the open road, like the southwestern desert in the winter, like the urge to travel and stay on the move, like the empty human heart. The lyrics use the familiar musicianly trope of going on tour as a springboard for a set of travelogue meditations on solitude and perpetual motion, a condition imposed partially by circumstance and partially by internal existential need; she’s moving before the ringing opening chords of “Coyote” and she’s moving after “Refuge of the Roads” pensively winds down. The latter song in particular contains several moments that always, always make me cry, especially during the first verse (“We laughed at how our perfection would always be denied”) and the third (“A thunderhead of judgment was gathering in my gaze”). I’ll never use “relate” as a verb, but I’ve often taken refuge in the road. I always take this album with me, though.

3. Jandek, Blue Corpse

I’m cheating here: Jandek is a relatively new discovery for me, and I’m still working through his ridiculously massive catalog, but I’ve listened to him with sufficient fascination enough over the past year and a half that he deserves a spot. Fans say that Blue Corpse is a good starting point because it’s his most accessible album, but accessibility is a relative concept when we’re talking about experimental atonal lo-fi acoustic quasi-blues fuckery, so let’s just call it his most carefully sequenced--side two builds the way a second side should, starting with an extended harmonica solo before leading into his cover of “House of the Rising Sun” and the album’s ten-minute centerpiece, the lonely, furious “Only Lover”. I love this album so much I could easily imagine a better one lurking in some dank, unexplored discographical corner.

4. Janet Jackson, The Velvet Rope

As a sophomore in high school I heard The Velvet Rope and immediately decided this was the sexiest and most sophisticated music I had ever heard. I was right! To this day I hold a special place in my heart for R&B that confounds the traditional banger/ballad distinction--there are no ballads on this album! With its swirly synthesizer and xylophonesque keyboard chords, “Empty” sounds like a conventional slow song until you notice the second layer of hyperactive drums clicking maniacally atop the core rhythm track: nervous energy disrupting and complementing preternatural spiritual calm. “Tonight’s the Night” is a great cover because the act of covering an established hit mirrors the act of initial erotic exploration, of navigating your way through a series of gestures you knew about before trying yourself; the way she sings “Cause I love you girl ain’t nobody gonna stop us now” is defiantly blunt, unshowy, matter-of-fact. Those are the lyrics! She’ll sing them. Breezy, mechanical, exquisite, The Velvet Rope captures the fragility of intimacy.

5. Fall Out Boy, From Under the Cork Tree

I first became aware of Fall Out Boy in middle school, when the girl whose locker neighbored mine put up a bunch of Pete Wentz posters on the inside of her locker door. I envied her brilliance and poise, since she was obviously way smarter and cooler than me, and I’m pleased to say she was right: this daft, idiotic, magnificent album captures a world of teenage crushes, fixations, stupid feelings poorly rationalized, awkward proclamations blurted out and immediately retracted, aftershave clumsily sprayed on to impress a special someone, the scent of cheap perfume, lipstick stains on your pillowcase and friction in your jeans. It’s so flushed and clumsy it automatically enters the realm of hormonal teenpop utopia, with the crunchy guitars mirroring the anguish in eternal adolescent Patrick Stump’s heart. Pete Wentz writes solecistic, self-aggrandizing lyrics because teenagers in love are supposed to utter howlers like “The only thing worse than not knowing is you thinking that I don’t know” and (sigh) “Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness”. It’s an ode to the enduring power of romantic absurdity, in all its most entertaining guises.

6. Duran Duran, Rio

Like From Under the Cork Tree, only glitzier. Occasionally I play a game with select friends of mine where we try to guess whether a random snippet of doggerel is a Fall Out Boy or a Duran Duran lyric. “It’s just like a scene out of Voltaire twisting out of sight”? Obviously Duran, for citing French philosophy is such a New Romantic move. “We’re well-read and poised/we’re the best boys”? Self-defeating self-objectification is Pete Wentz’s favorite rhetorical device. “The sun drips down bedding heavy behind/the front of your dress all shadowy lined/and the droning engine throbs in time with your beating heart”? Too florid; gotta be Duran. “Couldn’t cut me deeper with a knife if you tried/just take a look before you run off and hide”? No clue--blood and betrayal could go either way. “Let’s fade away together one dream at a time”? “Some people call it a one-night stand but we can call it paradise”? Well!

7. PJ Harvey, To Bring You My Love

As a senior in high school I heard To Bring You My Love and immediately decided this was the sexiest and rawest music I had ever heard. I was right! To this day I know no harsher or more beautiful approximation of what it means to yearn for the sublime. The tiny guitar figure in “Working for the Man”, half-concealed beneath the drums and muffled, thumping bass, devastates because it’s creepy and horrible; the maximalist guitar roar in “Long Snake Moan”, almost as loud and thundering as her distorted vocals, devastates because so would getting run over by a tank. On the rest of the album, she hits every mood between those two extremes, including rapture and delight in addition to all the abrasive ones.

8. Fleetwood Mac, Tusk

I almost went with Tango in the Night, given how my generation seems to have discovered and reclaimed it, with “Seven Wonders” popping up in Balearic dance mixes and American Horror Story. Tusk, however, is a giant compendium of whirring gears and rotating spokes and plinky keys and strummed acoustic guitars and tinkly music boxes and billions of other moving parts, and the totality of the sound correlates with a draining, overwhelming emotional extremity. Lindsey Buckingham fills the space with a bunch of tightly crafted miniatures, distilling his imagined ideal of the Fleetwood Mac sound into the searing anger of “What Makes You Think I’m the One” and “I Know I’m Not Wrong” (Lindsey Buckingham in a song title), but Stevie Nicks gets all the big statements: the thundering “Sisters of the Moon”, the incomparable breakup ballad “Storms” (“Never have I been a blue calm sea/I have always been a storrrrrrm” always makes me cry), “Sara”. Meanwhile, Christine McVie’s “Brown Eyes”/“Never Make Me Cry” couplet is the axis on which the album’s sequence turns. Tusk resonates because it conflates the singer-songwriter confessional urge with the band’s collaborative dynamic, creating a communal space for them all to bask in their shared hate for and exhaustion with each other.

9. Crunk Hits

I needed a compilation, and this magnificent one brings to life my favorite radio format: mainstream hip-hop in the mid-‘00s. Crunk and R&B were everywhere back then; to me this album sounds like New York in the hot, lazy summers of ’05 and ’06, when these songs confounded with their unprecedented hedonism and aggression and delight. Definitively singles-oriented, this music saturated a subsequent generation of hip-hop fans, so that album artistes in this decade like Young Thug and Playboi Carti have internalized crunk’s valuable lessons about shamelessly exposing the id. I couldn’t omit an album whose first five songs are Usher’s “Yeah”, Lil Jon & the Eastside Boyz’s “Get Low”, T.I.’s “Rubber Band Man”, Chingy’s “Right Thurr”, and Ciara’s “Goodies”--damn! It’s practically a greatest-hits album for the entire decade.

10. Steely Dan, Gaucho

When I bought this album in seventh grade, I wasn’t aware I was buying the fleetest, shallowest, most efficient howl of anguish ever set to music. Donald Fagen and Walter Becker are only ironists insofar as they’re romantics who mask their feelings in inscrutable form. The question with any of their albums, which are basically all flawless, is to what degree they’ll reveal their bleeding hearts, and on Gaucho there’s such a gash in the fabric the blood spurts out everywhere, staining the shag carpet, dripping through the singer’s sleeve onto his fancy leather shoes. The modest functionalism of their slick California studio-rock, the tasty licks and glossy keyboards and sparingly deployed saxophone and sudden sharp bursts of guitar, hardly enters into a dialectic with the desperation and horror of the songwriting--it’s the perfect musical expression for these feelings, as perfection that’s slightly disfigured is so much more devastating than total abrasion (when critics use “Bret Easton Ellis” as shorthand for the demented luxury porn we’ve enjoyed and suffered through this decade, what they really mean is “Steely Dan”). No matter how many glass tables you smash, how many ashtrays you inhale, you’ll never feel as shitty as this record.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 1st July 2018

Just a shorter episode today, hopefully. As long as it’s 1,000 words I’m fine with making a lower-effort episode after a busy week of doing other stuff like BLAST TO THE PAST and promoting my mixtape. This has kind of fell in my priorities since, but I’ll still try and make something of an interesting read with the five new arrivals we have, and all the other antics.

Top 10

Well, we have another new number-one this week, topping the charts at its fourteenth week here! This one’s “Shotgun” by George Ezra, which I believe is Ezra’s first ever number-one, so congratulations, even if the song is much less deserving than, say, “Budapest”.

This means that the song “Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato has been hit a spot to the runner-up space, number-two, but I have a feeling it will rebound.

“2002” by Anne-Marie won’t freaking go away at number-three. It’s been steady for weeks now, please drop or climb sometime!

Former #1 “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne has not fulfilled its promise by staying at number-four.

Oh, yeah, and we also gave XXXTENTACION a top-five hit, as “SAD!” crawled up a whopping 26 spaces to get to number-five, after UK chart rules started to include YouTube video streaming, conveniently right at the time the video for X’s track dropped. I think this may mean more new arrivals each week, so prepare for that, but we’ll see.

“If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years is up two spots to number-six, and will go into the top five once the album releases this week.

“Better Now” by Post Malone is now down a position, probably due to “SAD!”, to number-seven.

“I Like It”, however, by Cardi B, Bad Bunny and J Balvin is climbing up higher – it had a one-spot boost this week and is now at number-eight.

“Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker is down two spaces to number-nine, but will rebound because I heard it on another advertisement and that’s how this song gets plays.

Finally, just like last week, we have “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa staying at the final spot in the top 10.

Climbers

Other than “Rise” by Jonas Blue featuring Jack & Jack up five spots to #12, most of our big gainers this week are for cloud or emo-rap artists, including Juice WRLD, whose “Lucid Dreams” got a five-spot gain up to #18 (I called it!), Post Malone, whose feature alongside Preme on Tiesto and Dzeko’s “Jackie Chan” got a big 15-space boost up to #20, as well as the late XXXTENTACION, who got some more post-death streams, landing his two other songs that entered the top 40 last week in higher peaks, the highest being “Moonlight”, up 15 spots to #17, and the other being “changes”, which although latching on nowhere near as well as “Moonlight” and “SAD!”, is still up 11 spots to #22.

Fallers

We don’t have many, but the ones we do have are massive, and mostly for bigger hits that served a long time in the top 20. We have Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left to Cry” taking an 18-spot leap down to #23, George Ezra’s “Paradise” being clearly drowned by his self-competition, jumping down 17 spaces to #29, joining “Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani down eleven spots to #33 in the group of bigger tracks that took giant hits. “Bed” by Nicki Minaj featuring Ariana Grande is also down ten spots to #30, and “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is down five spots, now at #35, and hopefully exiting soon.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

We have quite a few new arrivals, so naturally there were some drop-outs to let the entries come in, including Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and John Williams’ “A Million Dreams” from The Greatest Showman, dropping out from #37, “This is America” by Childish Gambino featuring Young Thug dropping out from #39, “Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith collapsing and dropping out from #21, alongside “Bad Vibe” by M.O., Lotto Boyzz and Mr. Eazi out from #29. “In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes has also ended its decidedly decent run, as it has dropped out from #38.

In terms of returning entries, we don’t have any, but we do have sudden gains for a lot of songs that have been bubbling under the top 40 for a while, so let’s start talking about the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Ring Ring” – Jax Jones featuring Mabel and Rich the Kid

Okay, I’m sick of this Jax Jones dude and his bland production, pointless producer tag and stupid sweet-wrapper album covers. Everything he does, including this, just feels so cookie-cutter and aggravatingly bland somewhat-danceable pop music. This, however, is a bit more interesting, as it combines dancehall girl Mabel with trap-rapper Rich the Kid – which has surprisingly happened before on a remix of Rich’s “Plug Walk” – however, it somehow makes the interestingly-distorted vocals from Mabel, which are delivered oddly sensually for a song that’s otherwise really annoying, with its vocal sample in the drop and skittering trap hi-hats that do little but make Rich feel more fitting (it doesn’t work), boring as all hell. This is dancehall, EDM and trap-rap combined without any of the soul, energy or passion that people like Sean Paul at least had when they combined hip-hop with reggae and dance. With Rich the Kid’s tacked-on, phoned-in (quite literally, it starts with him talking about someone calling him) non-presence of a verse, this just feels like a cluttered monstrosity of different minimalist genres that mesh together to create nothing but rubbish chart fodder. I’d say I expected better from everyone involved, but then I’d be kidding myself, and I don’t exactly believe Rich and Jax are even close to how talented Mabel is.

#39 – “Nevermind” – Dennis Lloyd

Wow, you guys just want to give me the bland, inoffensive schlock today, huh? This is Dennis Lloyd, guy with a moustache and a dream – except the moustache is the only thing he deserves to succeed. This dude has the least presence and charisma out of any singer I’ve covered here who doesn’t consider themselves a rapper, and the unnecessarily heavy bass, repetitive and boring hook melody, basically non-existent guitar strumming, weak and fake finger-snaps, the dreamy synths that add nothing at all to the song other than just making it more of a waste of time. This song is only two minutes and 36 seconds, and it’s 80% that simplistic, monotonous hook. I’d say it’s much of a muchness, but it’s not much of anything at all except that damned hook, which is repeated ad infinitum, like an earworm that develops into a full-on mantra that will haunt your nightmares. I mean, it’s not that bad, it’s just so lazily and sleep-inducingly awful that I have nothing to say about it other than the fact it’s snooze-worthy.

#36 – “APES**T” – The Carters (Beyoncé and JAY-Z) featuring Migos

Offset and Quavo don’t have verses. They just provide ad-libs. Biggest musical mistake of the year, probably! Offset would have killed this beat, and Takeoff isn’t even there at all. What’s the deal with that? They’d do better than Beyoncé, of all people, who is sloppily trying to stay on beat (why are we autotuning Queen Bey and letting her make trap-rap ad-libs again?). There’s also this really annoying synth in the beginning that Quavo just repeats “yeah” over, that’s kinda pointless. The pre-chorus from Bey is decent, but her verse just feels kind of boring, as does the hook, right before JAY-Z comes in to kill it like he nearly always does. It’s not incredible bar-wise, but it’s damn tight mainstream brag-rapping – sadly, he has barely any time on the track compared to his wife, as he desperately tries to get more words in edgeways during Beyoncé’s second verse, where he’s resorting to ad-libs behind Bey’s faster flow. Also, it’s kind of awesome that JAY-Z just disses anyone he can right now, because he can definitely get away with it. I don’t know, it’s just kind of cool how there’s no holds barred for him anymore.

It’s not a bad song by any means, but disappointing from three of my favourite urban and hip-hop artists right now – JAY-Z, Beyoncé and Migos. Speaking of Migos, actually, our next song is a much better example of a trap banger.

#34 – “Taste” – Tyga featuring Offset

I rated this a six out of 10 in a rate a few days ago and, well, I didn’t really want to give a paedophile and a homophobe any more credit, hence why I didn’t give it a seven, or even eight, but now, it’s grown on me so much that I can just say I kind of love this.

I love that vocal sample, with the vocalising sounding pretty great behind the subtle bass and piano loop, especially when the vocalist goes into his falsetto. Yeah, I don’t really believe what Tyga says about all his gang activity, because he’s not threatening at all, but when the beat cuts out, he has nice enough lines to make it not seem pointless and anti-climactic. Oh, yeah, and this hook? Catchy as hell. The whispering of “taste” is sensual and kind of creepy, but I frankly don’t care, especially when Offset comes in and kills it, once again – seriously, this dude’s great, and his flow and delivery is always so slick, and it’s proved here. Also, Tyga just sings a bunch of nonsense at some point and he somehow gets away with it because it leads into the chorus well and is apparently a reference to rapper A.E.’s catchphrase (thanks, Genius)? Yeah, while there are some questionable moments, this is a relaxed yet still exciting banger from the dude who made his album art a naked furry tiger lady monstrosity this same year and (Offset!), who apparently has access to pterodactyls, spaceships and Ric Flair (who he actually does have access to; he got him in a video more than once). Maybe that’s why I love Offset – for his goofy personality but how he confines it into such sweet, chill verses, kind of like MF DOOM. Sorry, I’m going off on a tangent, next song!

#32 – “Only You” – Cheat Codes and Little Mix

I was dreading the day I’d have to talk about both of these groups, because I really hate everything they’ve made. Little Mix are either infuriating, confusing or boring with fantastic singers, while Cheat Codes are bland but usually okay production-wise with an awful lead singer, so I guess it’s like the Chainsmokers collaborating with the Chainsmokers when they’ve got a featured singer.

Oh, yeah, this song? It sucks. It’s boring. It has some guitar strumming and simple synth bleeps but they mean nothing. All of the Mix singers are great, as always, but they feel wasted (once again, as always) here, because they don’t really get to burst too soon, which is what I like about their voices – when they belt, they can belt damn well, and I feel it’s just very underwhelming when instead, we get an ugly drop and harmonising from the Cheat Codes singer (in a falsetto at times) in the second verse, which just kind of hilariously proves the landslide in quality between people like Perrie Edwards and people like Trevor Dahl. It’s just kind of short and uninteresting, but what did I expect from Cheat Codes and Little Mix? Not much. Not much at all.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to Tyga and Offset for “Taste”, with Honourable Mention not being served, rather a double Dishonourable Mention: “Ring Ring” by Jax Jones, Mabel and Rich the Kid, tied with “Only You” by Cheat Codes and Little Mix. Worst of the Week easily goes to Dennis Lloyd for “Nevermind”. Knowing my luck, that’s going to be a hit. Delightful. See you next week.

[aion-rsa]

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 17 Review: Burger Kings

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This The Simpsons review contains spoilers.

The Simpsons Season 32 Episode 17

The Simpsons Season 32 episode 17 ” Burger Kings,” continues to charbroil Springfield mythology into tasty nuggets of classic comedy. With so much grease built up over the years, the cooks are unafraid to refry old dishes as new cuisine. This season has seen quite a few instances where old storylines are transformed into surprisingly fresh installments.

In spite of all outward evidence, and the best testing indicates, Mr. Burns never gets old. Yes, he has made “The Top 100 Most Evil People Over 100” list more times than he cares to admit. But not in the comic sense. We’ve seen him do good many times, only to revert to the evil capitalistic monster which lies at his black, barely beating heart. Over the years, he’s rebuilt himself by plundering all ocean life, protected the town’s children from an anti-child group in order to keep ensure their supple young organs will be available when he needs them, and stole the winning glory from a championship bowling team.

Unlike Dick Cheney, Burns won’t live forever. So, when he turns a mouth-watering near-death experience into an animal-cruelty-free shot at redemption, long-time audiences are primed to see how it’s going to turn sour. The Simpsons consistently pushes the inner logic of each character to their most hilarious limits. Burns is an ancient being, who is also tremendously wealthy. This foreknowledge makes the idea he has all of the wrinkles from his one breakfast raison ironed out palatable. Wearing a live bat for a night eye patch works because he’s just evil.

Burns’ final request, as he lay on his deathbed, to have Smithers fire someone, preferably an employee who just bought a house, is perfectly reasonable. When Burns gets his epiphany about doing good, he says he knows how Edison felt when he invented the electric chair. His reference to a beloved airman is Rudolph Hess. We buy it as easily as we believe he lived past 100 without ever eating a hamburger. And this, we believe because we don’t doubt that Burns believes hamburgers are made of people from Hamburg.

Burns’ twisted line reading of “People don’t like me. They really don’t like me” is a nod to Sally Field’s memorable second Oscar acceptance speech. Burns is on the same level of public transformation, but he’s no flying nun. Though he can take some comfort in knowing there is a little extra radiation in every drop of water on the planet because of him. Burns does have a point when he disagrees with Smithers on how the townspeople hate him because he’s sic’d the hounds on each of them by pointing out everyone loves dogs. The writers twist his logic perfectly.

It isn’t even surprising how Burns, who made his fortune at a nuclear plant, only realizes what fission is during this episode. We should have some sympathy for Burns. We learn he’s always craved praise because it was something he never had as a child. Monty’s father died the same day he found out his mother doesn’t like fake art, like a crayon drawing he made of her hugging him. But the newspaper headline begins with “Finally some good news” when it announces Burns is near death.

Music has been very important this season, filling the gaps in almost every installment. This episode is bookended by a lounge singer, who also does double-time as a Greek Chorus, improvising the verses to match the inner conflict in both Homer and Burns. Homer learns more from dreams than can ever be taught in books. In the opening Burns learns people think of him as a fat cat no one really likes, and the singer serenades him with wishes he never fall asleep. One song teaches Homer he sold out all his values.  

Homer the perfect spokesperson as a stand-in for the common slob. Not only does he have it on his business card, but the card itself is stolen from Ned’s store with the name and number of his Leftorium crossed out. Lisa’s expertise in meat bypass products is as impressive as it should be. She’s been vegetarian since meeting Paul and Linda McCartney, and she’s intelligent enough to know her phony baloney from her ghost beef. It is a truly rousing moment when Burns wins the Simpson family over with a tasty meatless burger. The artistic rendition of Lisa’s tastebuds is inspired.

While it’s not explicitly stated, it looks like the Ex-cellent Burger stock movement brings out the compulsive gambler in Marge. It begins with a comment on the efficiency of Alexa voice commands. After Marge is misinterpreted into buying a thousand shares, Alexa tries to pawn herself off as Siri, but Marge is already hooked. The shareholders subplot, with the E-Trading and the “More money for Marge” stock ticker tongue, is as scary as it is funny because it is animated in Lisa’s childlike point of view.

The Burger Wars segment is ingenious, and benefits from the subtle seasoning. The medics arrive on the battlefield as Hamburger Helpers, and the mushroom clouds make for perfect burger toppings. One of the great mysteries of Springfield is how long “The Krusty the Clown” show has been on the air, when Krusty was made for cancel culture. When Burger King did an inclusionary ad promotion, Krustyburger rolled out the “Burger Queer.” The environmentally, and apparently humane food product Burns is selling inspires Krusty to introduce the LGBTQBLT. “My hero is a loser,” Bart notes sadly. Ultimately Krusty wins by doing exactly what he’s always done, nothing. He’s just waiting for someone to round up the donkeys before he gets back in the burger business.

The blatant social subversion of townspeople, including Fat Tony, holding up signs like “Blessed are the rich” and “We’ve got no beef with Monty” is brilliant subtle satire. The commentary continues as Burns finally gets to join the very exclusive “Beloved Billionaires Club.” It only has two members, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg gets left out in the shade. Not only is he not allowed into the club, The Simpsons takes on Facebook’s privacy issues in a scathingly funny way.

The episode is loaded with quick references to quickly disposable culture. In one scene, Homer is reading the book “Harry Potter and the Apologizing Author.” It looks like the Stranger Things kids get eaten by the alien they’re apparently trying to save. In the Burns’ food rendering plant, one of the workers kills the vegetation with the same implement of death used in No Country for Old Men (2007).

“Burger King” is also supersized with the quick passing tone comedy bits which make for classic Simpsons episodes. It is overloaded with comic shorts. We say goodbye to the “Sad News Reporter” as he streams away with the burst dam water so Kent Brockman can present sponsored news. As the French chef is running from the hounds he yells “cordon bleu.” During one fantasia, Homer sees himself as the daddy of a fly family who “has put all his kids through garbage.” Burns shoves the Krustyburger bag into Homer’s mouth to shut him up and take his burger.

The Simpsons even puts a spin on the comedy law of threes. When Mr. Smithers is worried that Burns has doubled his weight by eating hamburgers, we see Burns top the scale at 42 pounds. This is funny, and works as a punch line because of Burn’s known frailty, but when Smithers says “tripled,” it extends the joke, and the surrealism. It almost forces the audience to do math. Lisa’s climactic pursuit of Burns is classic series traditionalism. The slow-moving old man can’t get away from her on foot, and she beats him to his mansion when he tries to escape her in his ancient car. She even has enough time left over to tame his hounds.

Because of the NDA, Homer can only speak in pre-approved corporate phrases like “yes, ve gan,” “I guaran tree it,” and “abso-lettuce.” He’s only learned one lesson in his life, and that is not to bite the hand that feeds you, even if there’s delicious marrow inside. Homer’s generation did what it did, and he imparts timeless wisdom. Lisa’s future will have its own problems to face, like inventing new bees and learning to live peacefully with fire tornadoes. But she reasons, like the promotions promised, “The fate of the world is in your mouth.”

When Lisa wants to know whether she should tell Burns his company is only using endangered plants, Bart says “he already knows. He’s evil.” Lisa believes people do change for the better even though there’s no evidence to back it up. She wants Burns’ life of evil to be completely forgotten with one good deed. She even believes he will do the right thing when he learns the Amazon is the lungs the planet. 

Of course, Monty can’t keep it up. It’s what we expect, but The Simpsons still finds a way to twist it further. Once you’re known for doing something good you have to continue doing good things. “That’s why Jesus retired at 33,” Burns notes in an amazing realization. He’s no longer crushed by morality. Evil always wins, and he’s even planning on opening a school for the blind so he can convince them aliens have landed.

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“Burger Kings” is the leanest fast food The Simpsons have served up in an already-satisfying season. With only one fat joke for texture, it is crammed with gags, jokes, sarcasm, and funny lines within funny lines. It crackles with cynicism and dashes dreams of little girls in mustaches asking hopeful questions. Even the opening couch gag offers an abstract appetizer to the story. The Simpson family are rendered as pre-French-fried potatoes. It’s only garnish, but it completes the meal.

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