#i love healthy polyamorous rep

[a-fucking-tornado]

I love them so much

[castleaudios]

Hey there! I've seen a lot of healthy poly rep within your content and I love it! Apologies if this is too forward but I was curious if you were poly yourself?

Thank you! Not too forward at all. I personally do not identify as poly (though that may be because I haven't been faced with a circumstance where that's been called into question), however I have met several polyamorous folk who I wanted to represent fairly in my work! I'm really happy that's translating through my content

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: Triple Sec by TJ Alexander

4.5/5. Releases 6/4/24.

Vibes: healthy polyamory, front and center genderqueer rep (from a trans nonbinary author), slice of life in the best possible way, BOMB ASS COCKTAILS

Heath Index: 7.5/10.

Ambitious high-end bartender Mel Sorrento has been in a rut since her divorce. Enter the vivacious, brilliant Bebe... who happens to have spouse. Quiet, reserved Kade doesn't have a problem with Mel dating their wife, however--because Kade and Bebe are polyamorous. Mel's never considered the lifestyle, but her instant connection with Bebe makes her willing to give it a shot. But when her dynamic with Kade begins to shift into something entirely new, she must confront what she's actually looking for in a relationship, and how much this new opportunity for love really means to her.

UGH. YES. This is how you do a contemporary romance that, at the end of the day, is a slice of life character piece. Triple Sec is not about shocking you with plot twists and over the top dramatics (and that's not a critique--often, I'd say that I prefer plot twists and over the top dramatics). It's just fucking good writing with great character development and romance. It's also one of the more realistic contemporary romances I've read, which is honestly so refreshing. I truly believed that there were grown-ass adults figuring out their shit.

Quick Takes:

--One thing I love about a triad romance (and while this is the most realistic one I've read (I say having never been in a polycule or a triad more specifically), I do generally enjoy reading about the complexities of both figuring out a three-way relationship and developing the different "segments". While I've read some that begin with love triangle elements, that isn't the case here. Though they aren't without expected hiccups, Kade and Bebe have a very healthy approach to Bebe's beginning relationship with Mel (and later Kade starting things with Mel as well).

I feel like in less capable hands, the degree to which Bebe and Kade communicate and deal with jealousy would seem overly sanitized or boring. Like, they begin the relationship with Kade sitting in on Bebe asking Mel out and everything, just to reassure Mel that there isn't any cheating going on. But like... it's NEVER dull. It never feels expected, or like these people are perfect. (I mean, they aren't--Mel has some struggles and stumbles when beginning her journey into polyamory.)

--Part of what makes that work, I think, is the contrast in the relationships. Kade and Bebe have been together for almost a decade--they know what they're doing, and their lived-in love reverberates off the page, even though the book is entirely from Mel's third-person perspective. (Kade calling Bebe "love" constantly, despite seeming kind of frosty? Swoon.) Bebe and Mel have this immediate chemistry, full of fun and fire. And Kade and Mel sort of like... I felt an automatic sexual tension, but I also think that Mel was a bit too "new" to their dynamic to super sense it. This is probably not going to make sense to anyone but me, but I got this kind of like... Darcy and Lizzie vibe? Kade was never as prickly as Darcy, but I definitely felt like Mel was in that "WHAT. BUT THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE ME???" space.

All of it worked to me. I mean--I won't lie. I was a little partial to Mel and Kade's dynamic, because a) I like it to be a little difficult and b) Kade was my favorite but everything is great.

--Let us expand on Kade being my favorite. I really appreciate a "still waters run deep" character. Kade is that. They seem remote, but they have so much feeling and passion rumbling under the surface, and Alexander throws them into this situation with Mel that is sooooo tropey and fabulous and reading as the feelings spilled out of them was just pitch-perfect.

This does happen somewhat later, so you technically spend a lot more time with Bebe and Mel together on the page. However, Kade has a such presence, and they're constantly sort of like... looming in the background. And because of that, the slowly bubbling tension that Mel doesn't even fully register for a while is so HOT. I mean. Kade is also so hot. I was ABOUT them. Again--love Bebe and Mel, together and apart, but WHEW.

--This is completely an aside, but I do think the cocktail competition and the highlighting of the art of making a great cocktail was really cool. It made me both want to learn how to mix drinks (to the extent that I can) and try something new. These types of details make a contemporary romance way richer, and they're appreciated.

--I think it's really important to show books that are both incredibly romantic and sexy and approachable. Again, I've never been in a polyamorous or more generally non-monogamous relationship. I can't attest to have truly realistic this book is. But in general, I loved seeing a romance in which the relationship part started fairly early, showing negotiations, showing boundaries, showing rules. I mean, really, monogamous relationships should also be subject to rules and negotiations and boundaries. We should normalize this in romance. Things change. That HEA does kinda take work in some stories, and that is more reflective of real life.

Speaking of the HEA... I so appreciated that both Kade and Mel had been in very serious, very intense relationships in the past. Kade's openness and honesty about how their past partner did offer them things Bebe couldn't (and Mel can't either) was so refreshing. It's not that they necessarily need someone else to come in and take that space (though the rules do allow room for new partners--we don't see anything happen beyond the triad in this book). It's just a reality. No one person can give you everything, and that doesn't mean that every person needs to be with enough people to comprise "everything". If that's even possible. It's just something to accept, no matter what your relationship preferences.

I also loved that Kade was kind of like--yeah, this could end. How many things are really forever? But we love each other when we love each other and make each other happy and that's good. I mean, I think some people will categorize this book as one with an HFN versus an HEA--personally, I'd kinda disagree with that. But either way, I really loved seeing a romance that validated the idea that like... A relationship ending doesn't mean it wasn't VALUABLE.

The Sex:

HOT HOT HOT. Technically speaking, there are three full sex scenes in this novel. Every single one of those scenes went HARD. We have sex in a public space, we have LICK! IT! UP! (as in cum) the strap is indeed taken out and used to great effect. It's great. I loved it. I also liked and overall agree with Bebe's philosophy regarding sex and how people often tend to switch up their "out of bed" personalities compared to their "in bed" personalities.

(Also. Kade is a dirty talker. What can't they do?)

A super queer, super sexy, super bubbly contemporary romance with a heavy emphasis on character development and love story that really sold me on the "love" part. And on a personal note--I have a trans nonbinary person in my life who is much loved, and I so appreciate them having someone like TJ Alexander to see out there, creating art and leaving a mark.

Would highly recommend.

Thanks to NetGalley and Atria/Emily Bestler Books for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[thechangeling]

SO YOURE TELLING ME JIMS A NONBINARY PIRATE (our flag means death) PLAYED BY A NONBINARY PUERTORICAN ACTOR ????

YES THEY FUCKING ARE ZIAAAAAA!!!!!! I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACL SO I COULD TELL YOU!!!!

Please I am literally BEGGING you to watch Ofmd!

It's got Indigenous rep! Queer rep! Polyamorous rep! Healthy masculinity and more!

Also side note I might be a little bit in love with Vico Ortiz.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[fromtheashesweriseif]

I mean- I am a little sympathetic to what that anon was saying, my mom loved watching that sister wives show when I was growing up, and was constantly talking about how 'horrible it was that women were forced into that sort of thing' and if that's the only frame of reference you have for poly/open relationships then they aren't going to seem healthy

that said!! There's a clear and obvious difference between a healthy poly relationship and an unhealthy one, and the anons wording sucked, like what do you mean you 'guess you're here for the ride' when it says right in the intro post that you can potentially date all three ROs at once?

idk, feel free to delete this it's just a bit of a word vomit lol, I for one really appreciate the story you're telling and that you're working hard to put positive rep for polyamorous people in it!

I totally understand that polyamory can sometimes be misunderstood, however in the case of this IF, all parties are consensual and perfectly happy in the relationship they have - be it for MC's parents or MC's own poly - so I really struggle to see the problem.

This IF will also specifically depict queer relationships, so that's something to keep in mind when approaching it. If anyone feels uncomfortable with anything that has been talked about since now, they are free to take a step away from it all.

Thank you for the ask about this, poliamory is something I would like to write about more so I'm happy that many people are enthusiast both about MC's parents and the quad poly route!

[csrcreations]

Yandere story but instead of becoming a gory horror or dark “romance” piece, it’s actually a slice of life

Given some of my recent experiences and being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and having a long time fixation with yandere’s, I now have a story idea, about a yandere who actually ends up working things out, getting help for their problems, and it doesn’t end in a tragic and bloody murder fest or grim fucked up love.

The yandere maybe doesn’t end up with their FP(‘s), maybe they do, just not in the way they initially wanted; they find self-worth outside of their relationships, they go to therapy, they work it out, they get better at catching themselves, and life goes on; they aren’t cured, those automatic thoughts and impulses don’t 100% go away, but it’s a step in the right direction, it’s all about maintaining it. This of course would be the end, or potentially the last half of the story. The rest of the story would lead of to this and would be the darker half where they reach the breaking point and realize that this isn’t a healthy way to live.

Honestly, as much as I do love the trope and stories, I do feel like the rep of yandere’s can have a very negative reflection on mental illness (personality disorders especially, even more so for BPD), that it furthers stigmatizes it and doesn’t approach it as this treatable thing, instead it’s a character quirk that won’t ever be improved upon.

I’m not saying I wanna throw out the horror trope of yandere’s altogether, but I’d just like for once that the yandere gets to actually work out their problems and find a mostly happy ending, especially if it’s not them getting what they really wanted earlier in the story, cuz they realized it was an unhealthy expectation for not only their FP(‘s), but for themself.

Note, I keep referring to the yandere as they/them cuz I’m open to making them any gender (non-binary included, which I just might) and I’m referring to the potential of them having multiple FP’s cuz I’m open to making them polyamorous (which I just might as well). It ends up become an autobiography

[meteor752]

Friends characters I completely forgot were LGBT

I am rewatching Friends because me and my girlfriend just broke up and I needed comfort episodes, and just like the title says I was surprise by how chill the show was with gay characters

And yeah there are the classic ones, like Carol and her wife who I can’t remember the name of being lesbians, and Chandler’s dad, but there are some less talked about

This one surprised me like you wouldn’t believe, Phoebe’s parents were a Polyamorous couple! How have I not heard of this?! This also means that her moms were Bisexual or something, which is amazing! Honestly we got healthy Polyam rep in the 90s and no one told me??? Smh

Yasmine the chic, is a canonically transgender hen. I’m for real. She’s biologically a rooster, but is always addressed as a She, even after them finding out that she is a rooster. She’s the number one trans icon, and her gay dads love her very much

[ironwoman359]

I have not watched Leverage and honestly all I know about it is from Tumblr and it all boils down to crime and OT3. So I must know, is the OT3 canon or fanon? Cause if it not canon I literally might cry cause the OT3 seems beautiful. My favorite part of looking in on this fandom.

Ok, so here's the rundown with the OT3, and I binged the WHOLE of the new series, so this is ripe with spoilers, don't read under the cut if you're looking to avoid those.

In the original show, it was not canon, but one of the pairings IN it is canon. And with or without the explicit statement of it, the Vibes are Immaculate (keep in mind, the show ran from like 2009-2013, and that media has come a LONG way in the past decade in terms of queer rep).

As for the reboot, here's my take on it: The Vibes are still incredibly Immaculate. The original canon couple out of the OT3 are still together and thriving, and while the OT3 has not been explicitly stated as canon yet, this was only the first half of the season, there are 8 more episodes coming out later, AND here's the kicker...Aldis Hodge (who plays Hardison, aka 1/3 of the OT3 and 1/2 of the canon pairing) is, sadly, not in the show all that much. Pretty sure there were scheduling conflicts, because his character goes off to become, like, a super-mega refugee activist and is still definitely a PRESENCE, but just not in the day-to-day cons this season. So it would be difficult to do an OT3 justice when 1/3 of your characters can't even, ya know, be there.

Would it have been nice to see clear canon confirmation of it in the first two episodes that have all three of them in it? HELL yeah. I know it's something that the head writer is supportive of, if nothing else. But as sucky as it is, poly rep is probably still a hard sell to networks, especially wholesome, positive poly rep. But even though we don't have the canon OT3 (yet) you know what we DID get?

An amazing display of a healthy relationship between the two who are canonically dating.

Emotional growth and closeness between all three of those characters, and again, absolutely Immaculate vibes, like, even if it's not a "canon" ship the found family is off the CHARTS.

A new character who is a canon queer woman of color and also just the Best.

I, personally, am just going to keep reading my fanfictions and enjoy whatever it is the show decides to give me. If it does give me actual, explicit polyamorous rep, I'll be over the moon, but even if they don't, the three of them DO 100% love each other, that is abundantly clear, and We as the Fans get to take that and do whatever we want with it.

[lgbtqreads]

Hello I am looking for a couple of recommendations. First, do you know any cute YA books that feature healthy polyamorous relationships? Realistic fiction is nice but not required, Black characters would be great but no characters traumatized because they're Black or queer.

Second, recommendations for fluffy books with queer and/or trans jewish characters? This person is a bible nerd and enjoys interesting exploration of the bible, if that helps. They've been having a time so nothing traumatizing please.

These are all polyam YAs, with the asterisks denoting books that are upcoming. I don’t believe any of them have Black characters, though.

Strange Grace by Tessa Gratton

That Inevitable Victorian Thing by E.K. Johnston

Adaptation and Inheritance by Malinda Lo

*Indestructible Object by Mary McCoy

3 by Hannah Moskowitz

This Song is (Not) For You by Laura Nowlin

*Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

For Jewish fluff, Shira Glassman and Xan West z”l are great in adult, and Avi Cantor Has Six Months to Live by Sacha Lamb isn’t totally fluffy but is a good one to keep in mind for really lovely and very Jewish trans rep. Mooncakes by Suzanne Walker and Wendy Xu has lovely queer Jewish rep and trans rep in a very cozy graphic novel, and Camp by L.C. Rosen, You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman, Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon, and my upcoming Cool for the Summer all have fluffy queer Jewish rep as well. None of these explore the bible, though; it’s a little tricky to combine that with fluff!

[cobalt-knave]

Since it is pride month, I think it is good time to once again recommend reading the Archivistbot’s OCs. That sounds strange, but I swear it is such a good writer. It also has a lot of queer rep, and I love it. 

If you like

Romance-favorable aromantic people in loving, healthy relationships (Meaty, my beloved)

Nonbinary robots trapped in space (Rory, my beloved)

Polyamorous relationships featuring a bi man, a gay man, and a sentient hotel in the 1800s (Henhouse, Henning, and Marcellus, my beloveds)  

He/Theys with depression (Reid, my beloved)

Trans lesbians (Holly, my beloved)

Older gay couples who are wonderful and done with your bullshit (Simon and Grant, my beloveds)

Soft, queer avatar of the rat (Ratner, my beloved)

And are a fan of TMA (it exists within the TMA universe),

Then you would love abot OCs. 

Here is the link to start reading from when they began to be tagged! There is a wiki if you get confused since it starts being tagged once a lot of the characters have already been established.

https://archivistbot.tumblr.com/tagged/abot+ocs/chrono 

[mercuriiarts]

debating whether to make a second acc here dedicated just to my non-fandom stuff or not. like, i want a place to talk about my novel and about how it’s a polyamorous rewrite of Cupid and Psyche from Zephyr’s perspective where everything goes wrong and i get to explore power relationships between gods and mortals, women and men and master and servant in the ancient world and how i want to say fuck you to that and makes things better

also Psyche is such a queen, she goes through so much shit and doesn’t put up with it at ALL.

like, none of what the characters do is necessarily right but i love it when characters who fit society’s idea of perfect learn the flaws within themselves and correct their behaviour to be better people; Eros is a stuck up bitch with no regard for how his actions affect others, he always gets what he wants and at first treats psyche like an object, (thanks Apeleius). at the same time he’s a victim of his mother’s grooming, and is forced into a political game by the older Olympians for their own amusement.

Zephyr is stuck as Eros’ servant but he is arrogant and selfish, and takes advantage of any opportunity because he feels he has to one up on the Olympians because he’s just an Anemoi. he WANTS to have Eros’ privilege but resents him for it at the same time. he very much is someone who tries to isolate themselves from a problem. in the story he’s literally an objectified slave with no power, the most he does is carry people to and from the valley where Eros lives. CONSIDERING HES A LITERAL FORCE OF NATURE i think i can really explore the whole “i’m being punished for someone else’s fault” thing.

Psyche kinda pulled the short straw on life. She’s the daughter of a king desperate to gain power, forbidden to do anything without express permission, and is put on a pedestal for her unearthly beauty that she never asked for and is constantly taken advantage of and is constantly infantilised when really she just wants to fuck off and live in a cottage in the woods where no one can tell her what to do. PLUS she’s used as a pawn by Aphrodite and is made to do several dangerous tasks whilst heavily pregnant and isolated from everyone she loves. like bruh, that’s fucked up.

See i wanna pull an Ibsen here, society fucking sucks, the institution of marriage which is a main theme in the original story is unsustainable. there’s so much misogyny and classism that’s still applicable to today. i do not want to excuse my characters actions for when they redeem themselves - they do not “get the girl” as a reward.

idek if i’m ever gonna get published because of how i want to tackle these social issues alongside writing a healthy romance that doesn’t fall upon stereotypes and problematic tropes. i want to try though, i think there’s a niche that can be filled that demands healthy LGBTQ+ rep, POC rep that’s more than a side character and a poetic literary level of writing that challenges the idea of social hierarchy.

[polyamanga]

Poly rep: Hare-kon.

Hare-kon. is a seinen romantic drama manga by author Non. 

A small town in Japan has created a law called “hare-kon”, or “harem kekkon” meaning “harem marriage”. The law allows a man to have up to four wives, in the hopes that it will help the low birthrate of the population. The manga follows Koharu, who returns to her hometown having not heard of this law. 

She meets a man named Ryuunosuke Date, who is currently married to two women, Yuzu and Madoka. Koharu comes to fall in love with Ryuu, despite his rather unpleasant personality and sleazy behavior, and eventually marries into the Date family, becoming wife #3.

Having a total of 187 chapters (with 176 translated as of this writing), Hare-kon is an absolute dramafest. The Date family has some very sweet moments, with the three wives and their joint husband being happy together, however the majority of the series is conflict. While not all of the conflict is marriage-related, a good portion of it features at least one of the wives being unhappy or jealous. 

Madoka and Koharu both deeply love Ryuu, and Yuzu, while her feelings seem somewhat conflicted, does also seem to love him very much. Ryuu consistently says he loves them, but often seems to be more focused on his carnal impulses and outright admits that he loves seeing his wives in emotional turmoil. His behavior is often uncomfortable, and there are many points where his wives seem--or are--outright miserable. 

Hare-kon, while being almost entirely about a polyamorous marriage, fails to deliver on enjoyable representation (in my opinion). The characters being consistently unhappy in their situation and rarely feeling like a cohesive, happy family, causes the series to give off a “polygamy causes harm” kind of vibe. While the ending is technically happy, it doesn’t feel earned, and the issues that the characters have encountered don’t feel overcome whatsoever. 

Spoilers from here on out:

One of the wives, Madoka, ends up divorcing Ryuu about midway through the series thus far. She is revealed to be outright miserable in the hare-kon, and later on says “I will steal you away”, and shows every intention of breaking apart the Date family by force so she can be Ryuu’s sole wife. Along with this, the series doesn’t quite feel like the characters think it’s worth it to go through all of the pain they do; it doesn’t often feel like “love is worth it”, if that makes sense. The wives are often jealous and bitter, taking joy in the feeling of being superior to the others, etc. It hasn’t felt like there’s been much healthy communication.

Because of this, in the last several chapters of the series, Koharu also decides to divorce Ryuu, deciding she’d be happier alone and that the hare-kon is too painful for her. 

Two months after divorcing Ryuu and beginning to live alone, Koharu is broke but happy. Then, she finds out she’s pregnant, and returns to the Date family. Not because she wants to, but because her pregnancy forces her to. Madoka chooses to come back as well, with little discernible reason. The Date family is whole again, with a new member on the way, but I can’t say it feels like a happy ending. When two of the three wives spent a majority of the series miserable, to suddenly decide to re-enter the miserable arrangement with no character development feels forced and undeserved.

Hare-kon has enjoyable moments where the Date family is happy, but they are few and far between. If drama is your cup of tea, you may find it more appealing. For me however, the poly aspect could not reconcile with the misery it put the cast in. 

[lastoneout]

What are you hoping to see in season 3 of lower decks?

This got long anon sorry lol I just have THOUGHTS

Def Boimler and Mariner's friendship being focused on at the level that the writers were setting it up to be in the first 15 episodes of the show I mean what

I mean to elaborate on that I would like to see the loose ends of their arcs with each other wrapped up because I don't really think the second half of s2 did them justice after the importance that was placed on their bond in episode five. The writers then having them barely interact for the rest of the season just felt...off to me. I do hope we see more of where the two of them are in their arcs and their friendship since honestly their friendship is what sold me on the show in the first place.

I am interested in what Mike and the actress who plays Jen have been hinting at in interviews about Jen and Mariner's relationship being rocky. I kind of have a feeling the relationship isn't going to last past s3, just because they make it sound like this could be the big final push Mariner needs to realize that the way she approaches relationships isn't healthy and if she doesn't put the effort in to change she will actually start to lose people who are important to her as opposed to them just being irritated at her and then forgiving her when she says sorry, which is how the WC4 has dealt with her up to this point.

Like Jen just doesn't seem like the type of character who would just forgive Mariner if she actually fucked up big time(which lord has she in canon) and would actually call Mariner out for any bullshit, or potentially end their relationship if she felt like Mariner wasn't putting in the effort to change.

ALSO!! Gimme Andorians being polyamorous!! Jen's actress kinda hinted at Mariner not understanding some fundamental things about Andorian culture and maybe having trouble adjusting, and I'd like to see the show tackle polyamoury tastefully. Like, have Jen act like it's completely normal, which it is, and show that Mariner is the one who needs to adjust to Jen's boundaries, needs, and cultural norms. I think now that Trek has a lot more queer characters and relationships it would be great for them to bring in polyam rep. Just yeah pls do it respectfully.

And this might sound like the shipper in me jumping out but I swear it's not, but I really want to see some eps focusing on Tendi and Boimler's friendship as well as Rutherford and Mariner's. I know this season tried to shake up the usual pairings with...mixed success imo(Tendi and Mariner's ep kinda left me wondering if they were even friends and also made me like Tendi less which sucked, while the Mariner, Boimler, and Rutherford ep was really strong and sold me on the friendship between the three of them) but I would love to see a bit more focus on the friendships between the people who don't have as much screentime together.

Especially the fact that as far as we know Mariner and Rutherford were the first of the WC4 to be on the Cerritos. I'd love to know if they were friends before everything and how said friendship started. Also yes I ship it and yes I want to see an ep with them as the A or B plot so sue me lmao. I also think the dynamic between Tendi and Boimler has a lot of potential and I'd love to see that explored more as well!

And again, not the shipper jumping out!! But I think there's also potential with the fact that as far as we've seen Boimler and Tendi will probably be the first to be promoted among the main cast. I think there could be an interesting ep about Mariner and Rutherford bonding over feeling a bit left behind, as well as Tendi and Boimler bonding over the stress of their new responsibilities.

As for minor stuff, more of Shaxs and Rutherford since they are hilarious and wholesome together, more of T'lyn(though I doubt we are going to get that), more Kayshon, as well as a Sequoia shuttle origin story and/or just more of it I love that background detail.

In terms of stuff I'd like to see done better...I feel like a lot of my issues with s2 kinda boil down to the feeling that the writers are struggling to balance the Big Emotional Character Moments with the comedy and plot. It doesn't help that the seasons are SO short and the eps are only twenty minutes(god I'd love to see them get proper 15-24 ep seasons or even just 45 minute episodes), so I really hope they hit their stride and find a way to balance everything, or just maybe back off on either the comedy or the emotion so it doesn't feel so...off. (Imo they should tone down the comedy, you don't need the show to be a laugh a minute, you can take time to let the emotion breathe and have the show still be funny.)

But yeah that's it sorry this got long lmao I have many thoughts head full.

[bloody-wonder]

Every time I come across one of those posts or fics about how Andrew should feel bad about choking Kevin/how it was bad writing for Nora to have Andrew do it, it always seems to be Kevin superfans who are upset that Kandreil didn’t make it into the final draft. And every time I’m just baffled. How can people possibly feel so slighted by the exclusion of a pairing that Nora has said wouldn’t have made sense or been healthy in the final story anyway? The entitlement is just ridiculous

wowowow some juicy unpopular opinions are on the menu today!

i have a lot to say so buckle up. it’s gonna be one of those rants.

i have answered an ask about choking already. to sum it up: is choking kevin an acceptable mature way to express frustration at your bf being kidnapped by the mafia? no. is it in character for andrew? yes. will andrew apologize for it? no. will he and kevin still be friends? yes. 

first of all, i personally don’t see why kandreil would be unhealthy. i haven’t read nora’s statement about it but she didn’t elaborate, did she? it would be interesting to know why she thinks so but that’s unlikely to happen seeing as every word she utters about the characters she created gets her unproportional amounts of hate.

that being said, i totally see why kandreil would be out of character for the versions of kevin, neil and andrew that we see in the books. the relationships between kevin and the other two are certainly intense but i wish i didn’t have to suggest in the year of our lord 2020 that relationships can be intense without being sexual or romantic.

lets look at neil who’s canonically demi which means he has to have a profound emotional bond with a person in order to feel something like that for them. he has developed this bond with andrew throughout the books because they have similar backgrounds and are uniquely positioned to understand each other but more importantly because neil was put in a situation where he had to constantly actively communicate with andrew. andreil dialogues take up a large part of the books and enable us to see how andreil develops and works. nothing comparable happens between neil and kevin. they have a different dynamic altogether where neil looks up to kevin in the beginning for his exy skills and in turn kevin looks up to neil in the end for his being feisty in the face of imminent doom skills. neil chose to throw his anonymity away in order to stand up for kevin at kathy’s show which must mean he values kevin a lot, but he also antagonized him throughout the books, faulted him for not getting over his trauma in a timely manner and said the meanest things to him. a great and complex dynamic by all means. i have no complaints whatsoever and certainly don’t see them falling in love.

now lets look at andrew who isn’t aspec and has probably checked kevin out seeing as kevin is conventionally attractive. kevin & andrew is one of the most complex and interesting relationships i’ve ever seen in fiction. when we first encounter them their interactions are so intense that many readers (and neil) have interpreted them as a couple (because like i said before we tragically live in a society where tension is always seen as sexual). kevin and andrew met at such a time in their lives when they sorely needed something only the other was able to give: for kevin it was someone to stop him from returning to an abusive environment and for andrew it was someone who could see his real potential and worth behind his hostile manic exterior. so they started this weird co-dependent non-friendship which didn’t turn into anything else because - my big guess - neither of them wanted it to. andrew knows when he wants to fuck someone and knows how to arrange it but he didn’t with kevin because he already was a more important person to him than, for example, roland. the risks outweighed the benefits. but andrew did “arrange” it with neil probably because neil had something to offer which kevin had not. unlike kevineil where extensive relationship development had to take place in order for it to happen, kandrew could happen just because one of them suggested it. but guess what neither of them did and it’s canon. i for one am very happy that this unique exciting relationship wasn’t spoiled by romance.

finally lets look at kevin who isn’t a pov character like neil nor a character who’s constantly in neil’s focus of attention like andrew. we don’t have a comparable amount of information about kevin’s inner world so we have to surmise a lot of it just based on what neil cared to impart. so naturally the interpretations will differ. i personally see no signs of kevin being attracted to any person or any gender at any point in the books. there’s thea of course but she’s such an obvious last minute addition that i don’t even want to consider her. the kevin i know is living his best life as an unmarried childless aroace exy legend surrounded by friends and family and friends who are family. i’m aroace and imagining kevin single and happy is very important to me. it’s probably equally important to kandreil shippers to see some good polyamorous rep which is only slightly less rare in media than aroace rep. but the difference between me and kandreil shippers is that i have a magical ability to disagree with the author without cursing the very earth she walks upon.

ah yes, another difference is of course that they have an argument set in stone - kandreil was canon in earlier drafts. but do you know what else was there in the earlier drafts? jean was dead in them. so was erik in some of them which made nicky a different person altogether. also i distinctly remember nora writing that she has been developing this story for so long that she has shipped all the possible pairings at some point or another. kandreil aren’t special in that sense. what i am getting at is that in order to have a productive discussion we have to choose a particular draft of the story and stick to it, so if it’s a kandreil draft we have to know what else was different in that version, and if it’s the books then well kandreil isn’t canon in them end of story. 

that of course doesn’t mean that people can’t write absolutely stellar kandreil fanfics but it does mean that they have to dial down what you called “the entitelment”. because aftg means different things to different readers and if you insult the author for writing it the way you don’t like you also insult the readers who see themselves represented in the way the story is written. and kandreil fans are so aggressive. it’s smart of you sending the ask on anon cause otherwise they’d come for you so fast you wouldn’t know what hit you. just the other day i saw a post which basically said that the reason kevin is portrayed in fics in such a reductive way and writers don’t know what to do with him except make fun of his exy obsession and alcoholism is because andreil is built on the bones of kandreil and, being excluded from this relationship by the author, kevin can never be happy. this take right here illustrates very clearly that the shipping culture damages human brain in such a way that a fulfilling life outside a romantic relationship becomes inconcievable. fic writers diminish kevin to those things not because nora decided she wants her final draft to be about andreil, but because most of them aren’t able to write about a character unless they’re in a relationship. maybe some day fanfiction will develop past that but today is not that day.

i have read some kandreil fanfiction to see what the fuss is all about and my expert opinion is that all of it is ooc. clearly in order for kandreil to happen some manipulations with the existing characters have to be made. i consider myself a kevin superfan but i mean the kevin as he is in the books (and in my awesome hc). the kevin in kandreil fics i don’t know, he’s a character from a book i didn’t read so he can do whatever and date whoever, i don’t care either way. i only care when people insult the books, andreil or nora because they’re bitter that their ship isn’t canon. what a way to live in the year of our lord 2020. 

[normal-thoughts-official]

G, M, and R! :)

send me fandom asks!

G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it

my first OTP was jedtavius, also known as The Tiny Cowboy And Tiny Roman From Night At The Museum, and that’s actually a funny story. i remember first watching the movie when i was a kid and being all like “i know this story!!! they both hate each other but they’re slowly learning that they’re more similar than they think and becoming friends and willing to sacrifice themselves for each other, so that means in the end they’re gonna Kiss!™”. and i was like super excited because mayhaps i have always loved this trope deeply, but then the movie ended and they DIDN’T kiss!! and 8 years old me, a dumb motherfucker who still somehow hadn’t realized that everyone in media seemed to be hetero, was like “what the fuck, did they forget”. but i didn’t say anything and everyone was acting like it was perfectly normal that they didn’t kiss and i think that’s actually how i learnt about heteronormativity? like thankfully i wasn’t all like “yo dad why didn’t the tiny cowboy and tiny roman kiss” because i think i realized then that there was something Different about it. idk

anyway ever since it’s been my greatest sadness that jedtavius never happened, and sadly small me didn’t have access to fandom so i couldn’t really like produce or read content or anything, but i did ship them secretly in my heart and rewatch the movie many times to appreciate their relationship. and then the third movie came out and they had octavius be like openly into men and they held hands and were hinted to have a romantic relationship and while it was less than what i’d’ve liked (particularly since larry kissed a monkey, like, come on, undead bestiality is okay but god forbid the tiny cowboy and roman kiss?) i still felt like VINDICATIOOOOOONNNNN because it was being acknowledged at least. and then i joined the natm fandom on tumblr which i love btw and found out steve coogan always played octavius like he was in love with jedediah and basically i love these idiots with my entire heart still

M - Say something genuinely nice about a ship that you don’t ship (or its shippers, or anything related to you)

this is hard to me mostly because i usually don’t hate any ships? unless i think they are genuinely awful and abusive like j@lec. so it all feels pretty tame because mostly i just think some ships are meh, but, uh, i guess, saphael could have been good? like i don’t ship them in the context of the show but i think in like AUs or something like that they could have been that good, kinda the grumpy one is soft for the dumb one dynamic. they could have bonded a lot with their shared experiences of being forcibly turned, of being downworlders and also with raphael being latino and simon being jewish. and they have personalities that could have gone pretty well. so yeah they could have been good, and also there’s so much to be explored with raphael’s asexuality because i think simon would be such a sweetheart about that. just like, genuinely amazing. 

R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships

also hard because if there’s one thing fandom has taught me, it’s that any ship has shippers somewhere. so there’s nothing i truly think no one else ships, but i do deeply enjoy the headcanon that izzy is polyamorous, and she would have an open triad with maia and clary, and also a relationship with meliorn (because seelies are all polyamorous and that is a hill i will DIE on. they are way older than humanity, nevermind monogamy which is not even a thousand years old in human culture. there’s no way they are monogamous). and maybe maia also has a relationship with simon because they had such a cute dynamic. and clary is just lesbianing around every way she can. i just wish there was more polyamori rep, specially open relationship rep, because most polyamori fiction i see is in a closed-triad kind of format, which i mean, is totally valid, but i wish open relationships, particularly open relationships where everyone is not involved with each other and there are many different relationships and everyone is okay with that and thinks it’s healthy, are underappreciated. also i genuinely ship this dynamic and wish i could see more of that in fic. ugh