#i love him so itd hurt but i want him happy more than anything

[lokischocolatefountain]

well if you are taking requests, itd be great to see more touch starved joel, joel who is so afraid of hurting you in bed but bruises you anyways, joel who flinches when you yocuh him after nightmares but then comes closer when you pull away.

I love this request 🥺🥺 You are very right and Joel Miller is a touch starved man and deserves to be fed. So, here you go

Our Normal

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Rating: Mature (Mention of violence, sexual situations)

A/N: I loved writing this and I hope the anon who requested it has fun reading it 💜 Also, I have a Javi request that was sent before this but the man was being so uncooperative so I had to ditch him for Joel for a while.

Joel was never a physically affectionate man. His love is shown through acts of service for the people he loves, through protecting them from everything in the universe. That changes when he becomes a father in his early twenties. Sarah is just so little and so fragile and he needs to hold his baby girl because if he doesn’t, he might just explode. He gives her hugs and kisses and cuddles. She always gets kisses on the forehead and cheeks when he tucks her in.

When he loses Sarah, his world is effectively over and touch is no longer about affection. People don’t yet know how the infection spreads, so they keep from touching each other. Someone approaching you might be infected. If they touch you, it might be over. Touch is no longer a hug from his daughter or a pat on the back from his brother. It is deceiving a young man with a fake injury and begging him for supplies before putting his hands around his neck and strangling him to steal his car. It is a punch to his face, a kick to his stomach and an arm putting him in a chokehold.

With Tess, it is different. It is a squeeze to his shoulder when he wakes up from yet another nightmare of his child, still a toddler, asking him why he let her die. It is a quick fuck on the ground in the woods to relieve some tension. It is her slipping into bed with him and holding him because they have both agreed they need this without any words being exchanged. It is more than anything he has ever had with other women in his life. But it is never spoken of, it never means anything more, it just is.

He is in Jackson and life has become normal yet he cannot adjust to it. After two decades of leading a life that is anything but normal, the comfort of three meals a day, a roof over his head and certainty that he’ll wake up the next morning is frightening. He knows he will never adjust. Everyone else seems happy living this normal life, but it is something he will never accept. People hug and kiss and marry. Tommy holds his newborn in his arms and kisses his wife’s hand like it’s normal, like the last twenty years didn’t happen. He wants it too. It shames him to want, but oh how he wants to touch you, to hold your hand and cup your cheek and graze your finger when you hand him something. But he cannot give in. If he allows himself to slip into such comforts, he will not survive when it is taken away from him again. If he accepts it as normal, it will mean that he will have moved on from the loss. The loss of Sarah, of his…Tess.

He touches you once. It is a necessity. It is during patrol and you were about to step on a trap someone left to catch animals. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you back, but he keeps his hands on you for longer than necessary. You thank him a little dramatically for “saving my life” and he smiles. For the first time in a long time, it isn’t because of something Ellie said. He lets you go, grunts and walks along on the patrol route. His hand is twitching nervously by his side because holy shit he just touched you. When he lies awake that night, he recalls the roughness of your skin, thinks about whether it used to be soft before all this. Whether he would’ve liked your skin soft just as much he likes your now rough skin.

Someone in town in teaching pottery to pass on important skills so that nothing dies when one person dies. Ellie forces him to go with her even when he tells her he doesn’t give a shit about making goddamn pots. He stops complaining when he sees you’re also there to learn, even though you are more advanced than he is. Pottery doesn’t come to him naturally and Ellie laughs at him for spinning his wheel too fast and touching the clay too hard, making the thing collapse on itself. You laugh too, but then you help him. You place your hands on his and show him how to mold the clay. You show him how to trim the edges with the fancy tools. You place your creating next to his and Ellie’s in the kiln and shake his hand to congratulate him on his shitty bowl that would’ve been shittier if you hadn’t helped. He wonders what it would be like to slot his fingers in the space between your fingers.

It goes from joint patrols to joint pottery classes to joint drinks at the Tipsy Bison. You touch his arm, you place your hand on his, you brush your shoulder against his and it takes him a longass time while to realize you are flirting. He hadn’t been the subject of it ever since he became a single father wearing T-shirts covered in snot, baby food, mysterious sticky substances from Sarah using his shirt as tissues, Sarah’s blood— He panics, he flinches when you touch him. He apologizes, mumbles something about Ellie needing dinner and storms out of the place. He forgets to pay for his fucking drink and learns you decided to pay for him with more coffee than you’d planned on exchanging with the bartender.

He apologizes the next day, offers his private stash of old whiskey he found somewhere to make up for the coffee you’d lost because of him. But you surprise him, offering not just reassurance that it was alright but offering your understanding, telling him you were sorry for whatever you did to unintentionally trigger him and that if he told you what it was, you would never do it again.

You have your fair share of terrible days. You find him after patrol and ask to exchange your music cassette for some of his liquor. He gives it to you for free and you down half the bottle. You tell him you are afraid of being alone that night and he doesn’t have to ask questions to know that it’s something serious. He lets you stay. He holds you in him arms even though having contact without another person kills him. He realizes it kills him because he likes it and knows he doesn’t deserve things he likes. Not when his baby has become nothing in an unmarked grave he should’ve joined her in.

He never intends to have sex with you. It is no longer as much of a need as it used to be. He is older and his body has been through too much. Sex isn’t the need. You are. Holding your hand in his trembling hand isn’t enough. Touching your cheek when he kisses you isn’t enough. His hand on your lower back. Your hand in his hair, your head on his chest as you hugged— it wasn’t enough. No matter how much you gave, he wanted more. More and more and more.

You invite him to your bed and he goes. He knows he shouldn’t. He doesn’t deserve whatever you’ve given him so far and definitely doesn’t deserve what you were going to give him next. He is afraid but he wants it so bad, wants you so bad. You are sweet, gentle, like you know he has a strange relationship with touch. You take your time when you get on your knees and nuzzle into his thighs and wrap your pretty lips around his cock. He tries to keep his hands away. He knows he should because if he got to touch you when you had his cock in your mouth, he would wrap your hair in his fist and fuck into your mouth, use you for gratification.

He digs into your thighs with his nails when he has them spread apart and his head between them, his lips devouring you like you were his favorite taste before the luxury of tasty things ceased to exist, like he was getting to experience his favorite taste after two decades of deprivation. He holds you in a death grip, leaves behind bruises and apologizes for them when he realizes what he has done. He tends to you, apologizes repeatedly, is gentler the next time.

He doesn’t sleep next to you. If he manages to fall asleep, he wakes up wishing he didn’t. Sleep without nightmares is a rarity. He could jolt up from bed or lie looking peaceful while his brain tortured itself with memories, both real and false. He doesn’t want you to see him in his most vulnerable moments. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his anguish. He doesn’t want to look weak. He is supposed to be strong, be the protector, be the capable man you can rely on.

He wakes up after yet another nightmare and lies in bed, unprepared to face you as the weaker man he believes himself to be. You make him coffee and bring it to bed. You drink it with him. You hold his hand. He flinches, the effects of his nightmare persisting. So you pull away, allowing him his space when he pulls you back in. He doesn’t know what he wants, doesn’t know if it is right to want you like this— being there for him, comforting him, giving him a shoulder to lean on. He shouldn’t, but he leans anyway. You don’t ask him to talk about it and he appreciates it. You don’t need to know the gory details to know he’s hurting. You don’t need to hear the turmoil in his head to hold him to your chest and let him cry.

Maybe not talking wouldn’t be enough in the normal world. But that is a world they will never have again even if the cordyceps ceased to exist at once. So he adapts in love like he adapted to holding a gun in hands that held hammers and nails with nails painted by his little girl.

He grows used to it, but he still flinches sometimes. You flinch sometimes too. You learn each other’s boundaries, apologize when they’re crossed. Sleep still eludes him and he remains starved of touch, but he satiates himself as little as he could without overwhelming himself. His hands sometimes tremble when he touches you. He could never fall asleep in the same bed as you. It isn’t normal, but it is the normal he has with you and you are both content in it.

.

.

.

My Masterlist

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale analysis… 1/2 - 2/2

i stayed up until 2 am with friends last night (who i roped into binging the series with me) freaking the fuck out and theorizing, so next morning post hello!

i am FAR from done with this series, it’s been my hyperfixation and comfort show for over a year, and i pray y’all don’t die out too quickly because i have so much left to share. This show and community has blessed me in so many ways, and no way I’m letting it go just yet.

so now, of course, my frame by frame crazy analysis! ready? cool!

spoilers of course!

firstly i love how the first character they hone in on is the teacher, just laying on his desk and accepting his fate. like “really?……. ok. i guess.” fucking hilarious. man is so done.

the solver straight up pulling a Cluster from Steven Universe is not what i expected…. but so on brand. truthfully i don’t understand how in the end, uzi killed THIS whole fucking thing too when swallowing the [null], but if this finale proved anything to me its that about fifty loose ends are kept loose. and that’s… oddly okay with me?

you spin me like a ballerinaaa-

on my first rewatch i realized she tried to yell out “MOM!” in the vacuums of space… what if i just fucking cry?

mother daughter bonding… i’m so glad they have the chance to properly meet. :’) give this woman a drone body post finale so she can give her girl a hug…

SPACESHIP PILOOOTTT!! i love how all the fan content of N pulling Uzi from space into a ship came to fruition! it makes my little heart happy!!

proud of N here for being mad at her!! it doesn’t last long like i knew it wouldn’t, but still.

another thing i realized in my rewatch is that he stops being mad as SOON as he sees her cry? STOPPP😭💔

and yeaahhhh that doesn't last long.

CLOSEST to a walle kiss i got. and i’m HAPPY with it!!!!! just uh... gonna draw in that little spark later...

solver said: stop being straight :)

this whole scene makes my heart SCREAM, they’re so goofy and awkward and cute, they’re dating!!! i’m so proud of them!! them continuing to do coupley things throughout the fights coming next was absolutely too much.

oh you…. you hear something guys?? YOU SEE THAT?

MY WIFE LIVES!!!!! “itd be better if she stays dead nehnehneh” /lh NUH UH!!!!!!!! ANDDD she’s riding in on the fucking sentinel! my life…. my life is complete…. and i heard that “will it ever end for me,” so Eternal Dream IS one hundred percent HER song!

Oh, V. “We were supposed to get away, J! You said we do our jobs on this planet, and it leaves us alone!” as soon as this was said, i REALIZED. and oh, my GOD, all of V’s actions make so much sense now. J, as the leader of the squad, led V to believe that if they all did their jobs, killed blindly until no drone was left, cyn would leave her and N alone. no more messing with them, tearing them open, mutilating them and traumatizing them. as long as she made N do his job, he would be safe. I’M GONNA BE SO FUCKING SICK!!!!! J mislead them this whole time and was on the solver’s side! she knew tessa was long gone! as much as i wanted a J plot where she realizes she’s on the wrong side, i can’t say i wasn’t secretly expecting something like this.

“There’s no escape, even in death!” J has given up. she sided with the solver to end her own suffering. she sided with the abomination that was tearing them apart, tired of fighting against it. Oh, J. That’s so tragic. Fucked up what you put your teammates through, though.

the aforementioned coupley stuff. YAAAAAAALLLLLLLLUHHH. get a room

now to the fucked up shit. can i just say how much i love cyn’s animations here? she’s so fucked up. love her

you did a lot more than hurt his feelings girlie, LOOK AT HIM! his pure, horrific fear here actually broke me.

ran out of space for images! here pt 2!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Delta anon here again and I've got another headcanon for you:

Delta and Beta are very touch starved (as are all of the Epic Sanses, honestly), and absolutely love physical affection/attention, but don't necessarily know how to ask for it, much less how to ask for it without being embarrassed by showing vulnerability and admitting they need things.

(Beta's also probably not used to being allowed to ask for affection, due to our headcanon of him maybe being abused before he had fallen into the underground, so he was probably taught from a very young age that initiating affection wasn't allowed or okay to do, or that affection might turn into hurt.)

And since the Epic Sanses have all been friends for probably years, they most likely began to be able to pick up on Delta/Beta's cues on when they need something but don't want to ask. Said cues might be lingering around a bit too long, sudden physical touch or affection, randomly bringing up something relating to their need so they can see how their friends would react before they attempt asking. Stuff like that, probably.

(They test the waters like this, mostly because they're too embarrassed to ask for the attention/affection they need, because vulnerability is not a concept they're good with yet. Sure, they're vulnerable with their friends in some ways, but they'd rather die than ask for affection/attention straightforwardly.)

Color and Epic would also just eventually get used to Delta/Beta becoming more and more comfortable with them physically over the years. It still takes Delta and Beta a bit of time to feel comfortable asking, so instead of asking like a normal person, they settle for initiating - subtle nudges, leaning against/on them, stuff like that. And eventually once they got comfortable enough, they'd probably be fine with just silently cuddling right up to Color or Epic if they need the attention and aren't getting it.

Lucky for them, Color and Epic are patient and are able to understand what they need after a while. If they see Delta or Beta getting fidgety or trying to subtly initiate affection, they'll gladly reciprocate and offer affection.

(In my mind, it's sort of like how a cat wants attention but would rather die than be normal about it and ask for pets. It also might be how cats pretend to show disinterest, but in reality, they do want the attention.)

Thoughts?

I think this is a wonderful but also kind sad headcanon, although the thought of them getting better at initiating physical affection eventually makes me very happy.

It actually kinda reminds me of how I picture Killer and his cat-like ways. I usually view him (at least while in Stage 2) to have been so used to either being denied what he wanted or needed, or having those things held over him and used to control him, that he just started detaching from ever needing or wanting anything—which was only encouraged and reinforced. Really helps to convince someone that they’re an emotionless being if they believe they no longer have needs or wants.

So I always pictured that once he realizes that he actually needs something (id imagine itd be a lot harder for him to recognize or care about a want, if he’s internalized that what he wants doesn’t matter), he’s basically gonna do just about anything to get what he thinks he needs and to keep it. Manipulation, intimidation, blackmail, mind games, people pleasing and fawning.

Which is why I often think it’d take a long time for him to do things like express affection or ask for it openly if there’s no reason for it—those things are often tools for him, and he rarely wants affection for affection’s sake.

But when he does, he engineers reasons and situations and excuses for why someone has to touch him or why he has to touch someone else (this last one is often easy, considering he relies on physical touch for grounding, he can either use his rep as a disrespectful asshole who doesn’t care for others’ physical space to hide his grounding technique, or he can use his grounding technique with closer people such as Color as a justification for why he’s touching.

Or he may even do things like let Color hold his hand, with the justification of “keep him happy, and he’ll stay,” even though Killer wanted to hold hands too lmao.)

(making someone so mad they hit him, “accidentally” getting hurt or cutting himself so someone has to touch him to treat his wounds and they have to do it gently and carefully unless they want to hurt him. (which in the case of someone like Color, who claims so often that he doesn’t enjoy or want to hurt Killer, this type of situation also doubles as a test, a sort of landmine that Color has to be careful with.

Because although Stage 2 does enjoy pain (he would very likely enjoy being hurt by Color lmao), if he’s hurt in a “vulnerable” position by someone like Color, then he will just take it as proof of his fucked up worldview—and it’s likely that it could potentially have a ripple effect on to Stage 1, who does not enjoy being hurt.

Which must be so exhausting for Color, having to navigate what is and isn’t a test for him—and sometimes im sure color just sees right through him and calls him out on it.)

This also allows him to comfort of less vulnerability and a lot more control of these interactions—someone is only touching him because he made this situation where they have to, and they do not need to know that he wanted them to touch him. Which suggests a want, suggest an attachment, which—in his mind—can then be used against him if that person realizes the “power” they have over him.

Silly fella and his fucked up little world views on relationships and power dynamics.)

Which all in all, I’m sure helping and understanding Delta and Beta’s problems with asking or starting affection is more like a breath of fresh air. I’m sure this is mainly because, compared to Killer’s innate distrust for others, his control issues, his little tests and naturally manipulative ways, and the conflicting desires of his Stages, this is much more straight forward.

Color would likely take notice of Delta and Beta’s tells, notice even small things like their lingering, and would at least be able to tell that they want something—and can either ask directly (perhaps instead just asking them if he can have a hug, rather then having them ask for it), or just wait for them to feel ready to.

[gamblersdoll]

THE WARM THE COLD THE SIX.. chapter 3

tw: 18+, fingering, oral (f receiving) praise, degrading, reader had body piercings, pure filth when it gets there, reader is sleep in first portion.

“maiakai is going to regret talking to her.” both geto and gojo thought, hearing over the span of two days that you were supposed to go “out” with him or how he was coming over.

you and maiakai werent dating, but could you? probably not.

you spent some times cleaning up the place just in case he did want to come over, causing geto and gojo slightly on edge. gojo decided to try and distract you of your cleaning, making sure that if maiakai did come over, itd be trashy.

“so.. my wife, how tall are you?” gojo asked, his signature grin and his signature arm slung around your shoulders. he already knew the answer to that, but it was anything to keep you distracted.

geto would purposely make a little bit of a mess, contrary to belief. he wouldnt clean the dishes like he normally would or wouldnt collect his shedded hair. or hed spill hot candle wax on the table.

“what is your problem, you two??” you had asked, growing annoyed about their behavior, which wasnt normal for geto, or has satoru ever been this annoying.

they shrugged, pretending like they didnt know what you were talking about, so you ignored them too and decided to get dressed for whatever were to come to you. maiakai had texted you.

“coming over.” it had read, causing a lurch in your stomach. you quickly got dressed, went over some things and took deep breaths. your makeup looked decent, you looked great.

once you heard the doorbell going off, you bolted to the door, opening it and welcoming him in.

“nice place!” he had complimented you, then spotting the two boys sitting on the couch playing some random game. “who’re you two?”

gojo and geto didnt like the way he worded that.

“these are my roommates, geto and gojo… please ignore them.” you had said, hoping they wouldnt ruin your chances.

gojo saw his opportunity, so he took it. he is satoru gojo anyway.

“ i thought we were more than that?” he pretended to whine, feeling hurt. he frowned, pouting. maiakai was definitely confused now.

“what does he..” maiakai started to say, before you cut him off.

“hes an idiot, please ignore him.” you said, shooing gojo away.

“but i thought we all were involved with each other?” geto chimed in, putting on a confused look. “ did we do something wrong, love? is that why youre mad at us?” he pressed, putting down the controller.

maiakai definitely didnt want to be apart of this, so he decided to look else where.

“yeah.. think i should go.” maiakai said, making his way to the door quickly. you had tried to convince him to stay, but to no avail but only a door shut in your face.

gojo and geto were happy that he was finally out the picture, but ready to deal with a angry you.

“what the fuck is your problem?!” you asked, gritting your teeth at them. “because of a boy?!” you had asked, folding your arms.

geto somewhat felt bad, so he spoke for the both of them. “we uh.. didnt want you to leave.” he said, ashamed.

gojo didn’t pay you any mind, still focused on that damn game.

“yeah well, you won , assholes.” you said, storming off into your room, slamming it. while geto felt bad, gojo didnt feel any remorse. you shouldnt have allowed it, simply put.

“we have to make it up to her somehow, satoru.” geto said, feeling embarrassed about his behalf today.

…….

hours had went by now, and you were probably asleep. geto and gojo went to go check in on you, only opening the door to a surprise.

you were definitely asleep, but only sleeping in a oversized shirt and panties that they could see on display, making gojo’s pants tight.

“we need to apologize, satoru.” geto whispered to him, trying his best to be respectful. gojo shooed him off, scoffing.

“we are, we are.” he said, making his way to your bed. geto sighed, feeling like he has an idea of how to apologize.

two peas in a pod, you would say. geto softly and slowly flipped you on your back, careful to not wake you. and both slipped off your panties carefully so it wouldnt be too rough.

“fuck, her pussy smell’s delightful.” gojo groaned, wanting to dive in right then and there.

two peas in a pod.

geto and gojo looked at each other, and poked their tongues out to lick at your clit, causing you to moan softly in your slumber, and your clit throbbed. gojo, being a little shit, lapped and softly suckled on your clit, your folds, and your thigh.

“gojo, youll wake her up-“

“what the hell?” you said, groggily and a soft moan rippling through your throat. geto froze, and gojo leaned up to your face.

“wanted to apologizeee…” dragging out the last word, kissing on your neck. geto looked up at you, slightly nervous but still suckling on your clit.

“we’re sorry..” geto said, slightly muffled. gojo shook his head, sucking on your ear and chuckling.

“im not apologizing for something i was forced to do.” gojo snickered, sneaking his hand under your shirt and chuckling. he looked at geto, watching how he slurps on your pussy and apologizes, how hes sorry for making you angry. his hand stopped, and he looked at you..

“whats wrong, sat—“

“this bitch has nipple piercings.” gojo said, ripping your shirt off and suckling on them, swirling a nipple in his mouth and moaning.

all three of you were a mess, by time gojo was stroking himself, geto had slipped two fingers into your sloppy pussy, curling and brushing against your gummy walls as you sniffled and moaned.

“you cryin?” gojo leaned in your ear, twisting and pinching your prettied up nipples.

you shook your head, biting your lip until you felt yourself coming down.

“im gunna cum!” you moaned, arching your back and pawing at getos head, tugging on his long locks of hair.

“cum for him, pretty slut.”

“we’re sorry, beautiful, cum fer me.” geto said, mouth full of your cunt and what now is your essence.

after your orgasm, you shook for a bit until you jumped slight, only for it to be gojo and geto cleaning you up.

“still mad at us, beautiful?” geto had asked, hoping you wouldn’t be anymore.

“not right not.” you had said, allowing gojo to brush up against you in a embrace and allowing geto to reciprocate.

[mejomonster]

Aerith is such a lesbian. Shes a chivalrous lesbian. I love u babe

Cloud has 1 skill he for sure didnt get from zack. Dancing. I dont think zack fair could do that honeybee dance i simply dont he would have TRIED probably but it qouldve devolved into squats and cool slashes and Andrea wouldve winced and been unsure what to say when zack fell on his ass

Aerith is so happy to have another pretty girl. Let her have her gfs tifa and cloud thanks

Also cloud did NOT pick up zacks extrovert tendencies lmao cloud is surrlunded by honeybee babes gushing over him and he would like to curl into a ball alone thank u. He would like to find tifa (who told him she could handle it - but since aerith wants to rescue, he'll listen to her, and well cloud just cant let her go Without him so here he is along for aeriths plan and getting dressed up) and then hed like to crawl back into seventh heaven bar and hide in a corner as tifa and aerith flirt loudly at the bar. Back in the place thats more like home. Poor cloud does not want the attention <3 does not care about popularity or being liked or any attention he has ONE childhood crush and hes already too awkward to do anything beyond whatever She Says so. All the attentuon of wallmarket is like: i wanna go home (and on that note how lucky they met aerith. Would they even manage to convey their fondness for each other if aerith didnt instigate. Anyway im gonna go back to enjoying my ot3)

On another note. Ive still got my (many) issues with the remake. And while aerith isnt exactly what i wanted in it (i wanted the aerith, personality and all of original ff7), remake aerith IS more like original ff7 aerith than any other depictions in a long while and i am so beyond grateful. Crisis cores excuse: aerith is younger, naive and still a teen, so shes more innocent and sheltered. Advent childrens excuse: shes in the lifestream, shes kind of treated as a saint/goddess/pure maiden symbolically but like she is dead so itd be weird i guess for her to have her mortal ocncerns so i can understand their angle of her being remembered angelicly/beloved/seeming kind and knowledgeable. Kingdom hearts aerith? Well kh2 aerith Hurt me. Personally. But ff7 original???? As many parent issues as sephiroth, the same fucked up what am i? Am i a freak? Am i not human? That sephiroths going through, aerith just kills less people and handles it with jokes to distance people from her emotionally. Ff7 original aerith is the more mature street smart flirty woman (when compared with tifas sweet innocent intentions straightforward childhood friend traits - and yes Aerith designed traditionally like a white mage maiden is meant to contrast her more street smart mature nature). Ff7 aerith is warm to tifa and wants to make friends, flirts with cloud cause shes playful (and again trying to emotionally distance herself from her trauma) and hes a way to handle her conflicted feelings for zack once and someone to be playful with to keep her from addressing the internal (freakout such as: am i a freak? Will i ever be free of shinra? Am i even compatible with other people? Did zack ever love me? Did he live? He was mixed up in the freakshow too, does it mean you die when you get stuck in this? Will everyone around me like my adopted mom and new friends suffer or die like him? I grew up a lab rat monitored scared of the open sky and used to criminals daily, how do i relate to people not from under the plate like tifa and cloud, and so on). Like. Original ff7 aerith was more street smart and aware of the dark underbelly of Midgar than Tifa somewhat, direct, and i do think at least remake managed to capture most of that. (I do still feel that long lasting "pure innocent maiden" symbol she became post ff7 original has been haunting her tho and its not shaken here - remake has bits of it, despite it being i think a bit more than she should have until later in her story as more is revealed about her, and shes under more emotional stress (like as they leave midgar/get closer to the ancient city). But its pretty good. And i Know it couldve been way worse

Also fyi for followers im just tagging all the remake liveblogging as ff7 and lb right now. I used to tag as ffviir but. Now they named remake part 2 rebirth and its all a big mess and im just simplifying my tags.

Oh another thing i missed in wallmarket. I miss getting the perfume and helping the dress shop people and those lil things u could do around town (or im very blanking out and couldve done them here i just didnt realize)

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] going by quaggyday's ask if that's ok to intercept- but tbh i agree with that perspective too!! like gosh if anything it's actually a really nice depiction when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense. cus like, to me in my dumb poopoo terms, that karma is the residual corrupted power from the dead gods yeah? and this comes from either those that are stronger than him or not. what lumine can or cannot get rid of with her purification abilities depends too, and even for her she doesnt know the extent that this unknown ability provides since the start (since it's pretty sudden but useful trait when treating dvalin)

there's plenty of interpretations and fics that get me a lil pressed that ppl wants his karmic debt to ~~disappear completely~~ for a happy end, when how i personally see things it doesnt need to be the case bc its all about his growth. not that xiao needs to be in constant suffering when he already is, still, but that highlights so much of the importance of his support system, the people who can guide him and help lessen the pain with whatever they can manage. and it doesnt have to center to lumine too, which is another common thing that gets me a lil icky in their stories that she's the only person who can save him (and other ppl with the purification ability, which i dont need to mention who).

putting a difference of whats inside karma, between the gods power and chronic pain as an effect is super good and is what i thought of too!! and true as heck that it's something xiao's body has been accustomed to and even if the corruption chips away bit by bit, it doesnt completely rid of whats already damaged and even then, healing comes so slow for an adeptus. especially if the source being dead gods of higher power. this is something his siblings couldnt overcome long enough in their lifespan, and what xiao is still trying to push back (or accept it, and in turn he suffers more of its effects). so like!!! it just makes sense this way imo

i love pondering of his karmic debt being a metaphor of chronic illness cus man is he fighting so hard for it, and the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal. which is sad as hell, and we all copiums together how to at least make it a lil easier for xiao yknow. explodes too

"when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense" real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god and with lumine not knowing the extent of her own ability,, and yeah no like. in my perfect world the karmic debt is very under control and no longer agonizing or life threatening but i dont think i could ever believe it going away Completely, and i think that if it DID vanish completely itd be a huge disservice to. everyone involved, xiao included. no he does not deserve to be in pain 24/7 but this is something hes willingly accepted and carried with him for so long, something he probably feels has shaped him, i just. idk itd feel so fucking Weird for it to just magically be completely gone ?? it does something and sends a message i cant figure out how to put into words, as opposed to being able to live with it and in spite of it and show that you dont need to be ""cured"" just to be able to exist and be content and supported and loved.

"the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal." IM GOING TO SOB THIS HITS SO HARD AND HURTS SO BAD GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD what if we exploded Together. what then.

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 02/12/2024:

hello! reader with intense ‘all my love’ universe brainrot, I’m pretty sure your work actually changed my life lowkey HAHA I explored the music that you put into it and I can now say I’m listening to more 80s’ rock/alt and the song from the title was my top Spotify song for the last few weeks! (along with the 80s’ stuff heh) I literally made a playlist dedicated to this fic and I even was able to sorta reconnect a little with my older brother over the music which.. has shaped aspects of our siblingship..? (lol) now but I can’t thank you even more, I feel like the title itself reflects the amount of care and love you yourself put into this, anyways (sorry about the rambling LOL) I just wanted to reach out with a lowkey very angsty headcanon I had LMAO basically, and maybe because it was like semi recent idk I’m terrible with time HAHA, I was wondering/exploring how wooje’s birthdays were celebrated while he was still in his no-contact era away from home. I thought that it would be a day everyone would always remember and it would be this unspoken heavy weight that intensified the almost-family’s longing for their baby, I was like maybe minseok would bake his favorite flavor of cake or whatever and just have it sit on their dining table untouched, staring at it and spacing out till minhyung brought him back, or maybe all of them would meet up and just do something as a collective that reminded them of wooje without saying anything but would kinda wait to see who would be the first to say his name out loud. at the same time wooje celebrating with jojo, the idea of jojo just failing to attempt to bake smth for wooje and somehow trying to incorporate mayonnaise into it (ew I’m sorry HAHA) always makes me smile (cause I don’t wanna dump too much angst LOL) but anyways those were just some thoughts I had circulating my head along with ones just regarding more deeply on what the almost family had experienced and felt during this distance (ofc feel free to give your input), as always I’m so thankful for your amazing writing and I’m always supporting and heavily admiring your work, take care of yourself! <3

okay i think you blew my mind with this submit um. thank you. you're welcome? im so happy you loved the music and i am so. SO happy/glad/astonished that you managed to reconnect with your older brother. bonding over music>>> (also um wow.)

as for the headcanon ih my GOD just stab me through the heart will you?? THATS SO ANGSTY... HELP MEEE... tho minseok in aml universe is such an interesting character because like... while wooje is no functioning/low functioning depression, minseok is definitely high functioning depression. he pretends nothings wrong but he's still falling apart on the inside. during the four years he mainly focuses on starting his business and working every day. hes a people pleaser. i think really the only person he would ever open up to would be minhyung, really. everything he does is unspoken from caring for woojes grandpa to cleaning woojes house when it became vacant. he'll do things and not talk about the reasoning or emotions behind them. he bottles stuff up until he explodes. while this headcanon is so good and sad i honestly think they wouldnt do anything in particular..? i mean, itd be a harder day for them. they miss him, so any time of year wooje would typically be in--birthdays, halloween, christmas--would be hard. rather than an outward display of their heartache i think it'd be more internal. they feel lonelier than usual, so minhyung and minseok would have each other, and hyunjoon would probably go to sanghyeok's and seongwoong's for dinner. they just cant be alone, because theres a wooje-shaped hole there. but all that being sad, four years is a long time. it gets a little easier each year. it hurts a little more each milestone. i think, when woojes gone, they do talk about him in passing, though its a tough subject at times. you know, sometimes its cheery and "i wonder how woojes doing!" and other times its.. "i wonder how hes doing." back and forth. some have healed more from it than others. i think its a partly healed scar until he arrives back home, and he sort of rips them open again (but thats sort of necessary to properly patch it back up. like they were wonky and badly fitted stitches that didnt allow for proper healing.) whew that was an accidental paragraph im so sorry.

as for jojo he is so low effort he probably buys a safeway cake and they eat it with their hands. cutie pies :> i love them

again, thank you soo much for the comment and the headcanon i loved them so much and brainrotted and though abt it bc... i never really thought about how they would treat woojes birthdays before this!! im so glad and so touched you like this fic so much. i hope you have an amazing day <3

[snapzback]

[ this post is private and only viewable to snapz ]

▪ man. i never thought about sex this much until kitkat. wtf.

▪ nobody else gives me any kind of reaction, but i see him smilin at me and i feel like i want to just. put him inside of my body. like if he was inside my ribcage then itd be okay.

▪ i remember when i was a kid, there was this other monster that i thought was the coolest. he gave me a card for valentines once and i was so happy i ate the card. he thought i was a weirdo and never talked to me again.

▪ i get that same feelin with kitkat. i like him so much i want to put him in my mouth and keep him forever. that sounds so stupid. but sex is just a temporary, fleeting thing. but im too scared of something that's more permanent. im too scared of screwing it up and when our hearts pull apart, it'd hurt more than anything.

▪ im a coward. i dodge everything cause im scared of pain. i'll crack my skull on the pavement but i can't take a punch. i won't take a punch. i'll run and run and run.

▪ but when it's kitkat i cant run. i dont move. i want everything about him and i want it in my mouth. if it's in my mouth, and i swallow it, it's mine forever. funny things for a skeleton to say. it just comes right outta me. but he's made of magic and so am i, so maybe it won't fall right out.

▪ maybe this is something that won't fall through the cracks. or am i stupid to think it'll ever last. he likes me right now, but will he like me when i snap? when i think it'd be better if he hated me. when i break something that he cherishes so much and i can't put it back the way it was.

▪ i was such a mess when that monster called me a freak, i remember i grabbed sans' telescope and chucked it into the water. i tried to go in to get it, but it sunk through the mud and i couldnt find it. it's probably still down there. sans was so angry at me. i dont think, i cant think. when im like that... im a real monster. im a real freak. im so scared of screwing up and losing kitkat too. im so scared that im gonna fuck it all up and im gonna be alone again. i dont wanna be too much. i dont wanna be annoying to him. it's fine with strangers. they dont matter.

▪ kitkat matters. he matters so much. and if i screw this up, he won't even hate me, and it'll hurt worse when he won't want anything to do with me. i don't know what i'd do. i wanna tell him that if he leaves i'll die. but that means he'd be my captive or something. i dont want that. maybe it's how im supposed to be. isnt that what it is? 'fell' types are all wrong and bad and twisted, 'tale' types are good and honest and bright. i dont think that classification makes sense.

▪ i think tale types have families that care about them and love them and want them around even when they do things that disappoint them. fell types dont have that. fell types have to pull themselves up and play the game on hard mode. im tired of playing on hard mode. i want to play on easy or normal. i want to just laugh and not worry about how many lives i got. i wanna fall in a spike pit and just magically be ok cause im invincible. i wanna be asked if i wanna skip the level cause it's too hard.

▪ tale types are pokemon casual plays. fell types are nuzlocke plays.

▪ whats this got to do with sex lmfao im so retarded im so nuts. i just keep talking and none of it makes sense and i wish i wasnt so scared. he keeps telling me it'll be okay and that he'll love me regardless but the thought of it breaks me into pieces. like i know that it doesn't work that way. everybody's got a line that once it's crossed, that's it. there's a reason im the most annoying guy in the underground. i dont tell you i love you, i fill your shoes with slime and laugh at you when you break your face on the pavement.

▪ i can't even say i love you without cringing. it's not you that's cringe, it's me. i'm cringe. i dont know who i am without all the jokes and shit. i dont like who i am without it. i think im still that kid that eats his valentines cards.

[lovecrazedpup]

hmmm

[joyandeggs]

hcs for knuckle and shoot comforting their partner after a bad day ? knuckles actually my f/o so itd be really nice to hear !! :)

A Knuckle self shipper!??? 😭💓 Ahh!! Now we can have double dates together! 😍 LOL This made me so happy, you have no idea. I can only hope I do Knuckle justice for you. ❤

Comforting their significant other after a bad day

Knuckle Bine

Knuckle is quick to go to his love if he hears that they had a bad day, and even quicker if he sees that they are acting much different than they usually do. "Oi, what's wrong? What happened? Did someone hurt you??? Do I need to punch them????? I'll find them!!" He is very quick to go fight someone. Say the word, and he absolutely will...but he is serious about it, so stop him before he disappears.

Being in a relationship with Knuckle is lovely because his partner is also his best friend. If there is anything that they need or want, he will get and give it to them. His love just needs to tell them so he'll know. Other than that, he gets clueless on how to help. A bit frantic with his emotions, really. For himself, a good cry gets all of his frustration and everything out. If something else was wrong with his love, he suggests they vent to him. Talk to him! Knuckle is always there to listen to anyone.

If his significant other just needs space or distance, especially from the noise or troubles or whatever is floating around and bothering them today, Knuckle understands that. He tends to make himself distant whenever he is in a bad mood, or when something goes wrong. A reflexive thing he does. He'll let them rest on the couch or in bed, letting them know that he will still be around if they need anything. Just holler at him!

Expect Knuckle to be hugging and cuddling his partner when they aren't feeling well, if they are okay with that. His hugs are soft and comforting, easing his significant other, especially if they are in a worse mood than just having an awful day. Regardless, Knuckle will hug them, and offer cuddles, however long he stays there with them. Knuckle enjoys it at any time anyway. Don't forget about kisses though! Many many sweet kisses to forget the world for a while.

And if they are crying, he is crying with them.

Shoot McMahon

Shoot is a smart, observant man. Being around his significant other, he can tell by their energy alone, even if they are a Nen user or not, if something is off. That's if they hide it away or not show anything at first. Though if they are visibly upset, frowning, sighing, whatever it may be, body language is everything, and he clearly sees it, too.

"_____? What's wrong? Are you alright?" Shoot is quick to ask if they are okay, worried for them regardless of the answer he receives. This man is, sadly, a bit clumsy when it comes to comforting others. He doesn't even know how to deal with his own emotions sometimes! It's difficult for him. Shoot tries his best to comfort his love with whatever they need.

Shoot honestly wouldn't hesitate to go fight someone either, if a person was actually hurting or bothering them, but he would be more quiet and level headed than Knuckle is about it.

He is such a kind, softhearted lover and best friend. If they needed someone to talk to, Shoot would sit beside them and let them vent. He is a very good listener, staying quiet as they tell him about their bad day, heart aching. Shoot would offer warm tea or hot chocolate anytime, but on awful days for awful moods, he knows it's super comforting. And of course, hugs (and kisses), if they were comfortable with that. Whenever he gets used to being in a relationship, he gives and shows comfort this way a lot, especially if his significant other loved doing those things with him. Shoot tends to give his love and comfort in his actions more than words, since words aren't always easy for him. But seriously, anything they want or need, he will get and give it to them. Shoot loves them too much. He is a sweet man.

It honestly would make him a bit upset on the inside, but if they needed space or distance, he would of course let them be. He would still check up on them and see how they were doing though. Shoot is a huge worrywart. Not too big of a deal though. He can still feel their presence near and in the other room, so he knows they're just resting. Shoot would encourage rest more than anything actually. Please get some rest, take a nap, forget the day and everything going on.

And if they are crying, he will eventually start crying with them. Tries his best to hold it in, but he can't control it well like he thinks he can.

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Lol hi im back, alright this is based off another thung i read by milky theholy1 and its like donatello uses this time machine etc etc. Well what if di. Had one of his brothers (preferabley raph) and the reader go forward 10 years and see they have a family of their own? Idl just thought itd be a fun oneshot :)

Oohhhh I've actually read that fic and I absolutely loved it. Hope I do it justice for ya 🧡

TMNT Oneshot's

Yeah you guessed it- time travel

This was not, under any sort of circumstance, how you thought you were going to spend your Thursday evening. You did get a waffle out of it, so that took some of the edge off but with the boys just waking up they had way too much energy for you to deal with. Excluding Donnie of course, the turtle had been awake for longer than 36 hours and it definitely showed.

Cue you going into a total mom-friend moment (you didn't care if he could technically bench press you he was going to drink his water dammit) and yanking the bottle of melatonin gummies out of your bag to throw at him. No shock was felt when he caught them and raised an eyebrow ridge, you opted to simply flip him off.

Over coffee the two of you sat at his desk and discussed his latest plan, you really shouldn't have been surprised that it was a time machine. You knew Donnie well, of course he'd be the one to think of something like this.

"Okay good, I see your point there- no I'm still not happy that you're making me your test dummy but it is a time machine," You pointed out with an exhausted tone.

The genius seemed to perk up at this and your heart plummeted towards the ground.

"Oh right! I forgot to mention it, you're not going alone. Raph's going with you!"

With that statement now out in the open you took the liberty of pushing your mug to the side to avoid any damage before letting your head slam into the desktop. Donnie, still finding this amusing, poked at your shoulder with a smile. His optimism made you fight against your instinct to groan like a toddler.

"Donnie why t'hell are ya waking me up so damn early?" The very antagonizing, very familiar voice drawled from behind you.

Raphael looked asleep, scratch that, he looked like a whole corpse and a half. Standing in the doorway of his brothers lab and glancing between the two of you like you'd grown extra heads. Which you figured was fair, but the fact that he was perceiving you made you want to light him on fire.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Wha- I didn't say anything! Donnie, don't make me go with him. Literally anyone else. I am legitimately begging you.

"Yeah, what they said, lemme go back to sleep," The terrapin yawned mid sentence and stumbled over his own feet, nearly resulting in him landing on his own face and seriously disappointing you when he didn't. He was too tired to shoot you the normal withering glare and instead opted to shove you off of your chair when he stood up, Donnie did nothing to discourage this.

You gave Raphael a single enraged look and turned your gaze to his brother.

"I'm not going with him."

----------------------------------------

"I can't believe I'm stuck in this fucking box with you."

The turtle scoffed in mild offense and rolled his eyes, attempting to turn around again and in doing so shoved you into the wall with a pathetic groan of annoyance. He was completely ignoring you and while you were fine with that it also made you want to vomit.

"Raphael I swear to god if you crush me one more time I'm gonna French fry your green ass," Your voice may as well have been a growl, that's what it sounded like anyways.

Your companion had the nerve to laugh at you but at least he stopped his movement, you looked the other way, your stare boring into the wall to avoid his questioning stare.

"You good shorty?"

"I'm five eight you fuck-"

The machine rattled around them in protest and the sheet metal looked like it was about to catch fire, you and Raph made hesitant eye contact.

"How likely did Donnie say that this thing was to catch on fire?"

You shrugged helplessly and shuffled your feet as a nervous habit, your shoulder bumped his side as you pushed your way to the door.

"We should check it out, right?"

He didn't get the chance to nod because you'd already stepped out of the machine and back into the room you started in. You gave a sigh of displeasure and glanced around the room. Raph followed behind you and kept his eyes narrowed for threat. You were definitely in the lab, there was no doubt about that. But this lab was cleaner than you'd ever seen in your life and you knew that there was no way that Donnie had cleaned all of this in under five minutes.

You didn't have to be psychic to know that your turtle escort was staring at you, not that you cared, you were far to interested in the photo frame on Donnie's much newer desk. It appeared to be a family picture. Sporting a much older looking Splinter, a more mature Casey and April with their arms around each other, and an even more shocking looking Leo, Mikey, and Donnie, who for some reason all hand someone under their arm who looked shockingly human.

But what really took the air out of your lungs were the four at the side of the picture. A person who you assumed was you, but somewhere in their early thirties, tucked under Raph's arm. That wasn't inherently shocking, but the young boy standing in front of you with your hand on his shoulder and the little girl hanging from the turtle's other arm was.

"Raph?"

He was still clueless.

"Huh?"

"C'mere."

His eyes bulged out of his skull the second they landed on the picture frame in your hand, you gave him a calm raised eyebrow that was concealing your bubbling anxiety within. He took an extra moment to look between you and the picture several times before awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck and watching you set the frame back on the desk.

"I uh- I think this might be a good time to tell ya that I like ya?" At your confused expression he sighed in defeat, "I'm mean to ya because I don't like the feelings you give me..."

You snorted out a laugh and rolled your eyes, "Dude, I'm just mean to you because you act like an ass."

You both took a second to laugh at that, then you heard voices approaching and made a quick scramble back to the machine.

Donnie was eagerly awaiting your feedback and met you with a nervous smile when you both stepped out the smoking door.

"Well? How'd it go? What'd you see? Are you hurt?"

You and Raph shared a glance, hiding the underlying hilarity of the situation at hand. You were the one to respond first.

"Not much. But your lab's clean in the future."

[calehenituseappreciation]

i hc wilbur made tommy president because he planned to go and press the button while tommy spoke and kill him along with himself

wilbur wanted end all his unfinished symphonies and as the person who raised tommy- he raised him like he raised l'manberg. he doesnt care for fundy- not since he denounced him- so he wanted to end him :)

i need a fic where tommy is the one who goes to stop wilbur and wilbur fucking stabs him before pressing the button saying "it was never meant to be" tommy loses both first and last lives to that phrase

tommys last words are it was always meant to be fucking wilbur survives the explosion and has no one to kill him and now he has to live with the consqunces tommy becomes toast- short for ghost tommy i refuse to write so many letters each time- and immeditly looks for his older brothers and he finds wilbur first :) wilbur is exiled for his crimes and also out of fear- they tried to rehabilate him! they really did but then he freaked out over seeing toast... in a bad way.... and he and toast burned georges house on toast suggest (maybe we should burn something! that always helps me calm down!) this is after wilbur is trusted enough to be not... in a prison... after phil convinced them he needs help and toast tries his best ok- (WHO LEFT WILBUR WITH TOAST!) (I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME! I WAS ONLY LEAVING FOR FIVE MINUTES! AND RANBOO WAS THERE TOO!) and toast tries to go with but everyone is like "yeah no" and toast is like "whhhhyyy i just wanna stay with wilby!" and everytime anyone tries to tell tommy about the wrongs that have happened to him he screams and clutches his head in pain and everytime he comes back he doesnt remember the convo toast,,, is the most BABY toast calls everyone cutesy nicknames unironcially he calls eret rere toast, chriping happily: TECHIE!!!! tubbo: TOMMY STAY AWAY FROM HIM! toast, in a very lost and confused voice: why? techno, freaking out: tommy? toast: hi!!!!!!! im toast!!!!!! :D techno: lowkey ab to cry toast: NOOOOOOOO DUN CRI! toast: there there techie... i know what will help! tubbo, sighing: arson? toast: ARSON! phil comes just in time to find tommys dead body and l'manberg gone hes not around for the withers neither hes there just to see the crater and wilbur in chains with blood on his hands trying to off himself phil will forever blame himself for not making it in time :> dream: taking wilbur away in boat toast, floating behind the boat: o^o dream do you have any games on your phone .///^///. looks at exileinnit hmmm spins roulette wheel who should i hurt... i picked d all of the above they dont let toast go with him but because he is baby and you can't tell him what to do tubbo: sighs finally now that the exiles done toast can you- tubbo: looks up tubbo: GOADDAMN IT

toast is promptly kidnapped back to l'manberg the next day toast keeps going back tho and no one understands why- he literally killed him! why does he keep wanting to go back! (toasts unfinished buisness keeping him tied was helping wilbur and l'manberg- he loved wilbur even at his worst)

toast vibes around everyone but he stays with wilbur- where ever wilbur goes is where he builds his home

its shitty but its an 'ome Toast, teary eyed: Dad? Why does everyone hate Wilby? Why can't I be with him... Phil, with no idea what to do: niki bakes cakes with niki whenever hes in l'manberg he keeps accidently setting her bakery on fire but hes sMOL AND GIGGLES A LOT AND HE HAS FLOUR ON HE GODDAMN SELF toast is a part of mexican l'manberg i dont make the rules mexican dream: AYYYYYYYYY HOMIE toast, giggling: 'OMIE!!!!!

Toast is wholesome while everyone is literally willing to murder Wilbur while also trying to stop him from khs toast is just a very happy lovely child and cries whenever anyone is mean to 'his big brother wilby!' and so they all constantly glare daggers over toasts shoulder wherenever he cant see em meanwhile Phil is just dying inside because Tommy is a ghost by Wilbur's hands and Wilbur keeps trying to commit suicide and oh god what is he supposed to do- he simply avoids this struggle by avoiding them toast, waddling up to philza: papa do you have any games on your phone? all im saying is that tommy called phil papa before changing to dad or fathercraft phil,in the tired parent voice: tommy please sit down- just for five minutes- at least for 5 minutes toast: sits down and then proceeds to struggle to continue to sit but he must because dad told him to toast is just ADHD incarnate wilbur, trying to end himself: im gonna escape my consequences toast: HI!!!!! :D wilbur: FUCK ITS MY CONSEQUENCES toast,,,, is so baby Wilbur is just not allowed to have anything remotely sharp i like how theres so much angst and im just hyper focusing on ba yby dream uses toast the same way he uses ghostbur! :D toast doesnt realize of course even after wilbur tells him dream is bad but he keeps forgetting!!! Everyone: da baby Dream: how can I profit from this oh dream is manipulating wilbur btw wilbur: suffering toast: i made you a card toast trusts eret wholeheartedly and this hurts eret because she knows if toast remembered he probably wouldnt- they wanted redemption but not like this- not because of death Toast: you look cool Toast: you are friend now Eret: sobs I don't deserve this Toast: what did I do wrong Toast: how can I help friend!!!!! Eret: sobbing more toast looks at everyone says "ah! friend shaped!" if ur wondering wheres the angst toast is the angst- toast is just tommy without any bad memories and hes so different they thought he was happy before they thought he was fine tommy was hurt too but since he internalized it no one cared toast sees wilbur being sad and goes! i know what will help! n-not arson tho people dont like arson when you do it.... BUT ITS OKAY! I BROUGHT A FRIEND! shows friend, the sheep and wilbur just fucking sobs Toast is wholesome chaotic in a perfect mix- toast is tommy but without the 'asshole on purpose as a self defense mechanism" someone mentioned something about Tommy masking insecurities once Toast doesn't remember. and he's fine with that he doesn't have any insecurities toast hurts because in retrospect toast, meeting bad: WOAAAAAAH! YOU LOOK SO FUCKING COOL! bad: LANGUAGE! toast, cringing back, looking at the ground: ..sorry :( bad: ...you can swear toast: :D bad: once toast hasnt sworn since "hes saving it for special occasions" sometimes he accidently swears and immedtly gasps and looks at bad and bad just sighs and is like "its okay it was an accident" bad never would have thought itd take letting tommy swear for him to stop huh... its almost like... hes a child.... and the negetive reienforcement.... was doing more harm then good.... toast: exists in an amount of happiness no one has ever seen him in before everyone: pain how much pain was tommy in before? they thought tommy was happy- was... was he not happy? he's so unabashedly joyful and energetic looking back they can see how forced every laugh felt, every smile- He's not afraid to just talk to people, make new friends he became so much more cautious after Eret, had it really effected him that badly? He's open. He never lies about how he's feeling, never brushes anything away how much was Tommy hiding, how much pain, how much fear- It's chilling. bone chilling. There's no way to fix what's been lost. No way to apologize to who Tommy used to be, to try and make it better. None of them every bothered to see him as anything more than a nuisance, an annoying child or cannon fodder and they'll regret it for the rest of their lives everyone: having a mental crisis toast: GUYYYYSS!! I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!!

"Wilby?" Wilbur heard Tommys voice say in an innocent tone.

Was he hearing things? Tommy's dead. He killed him himself.

"Wilby why are you in prison?" The image of his little brother asked, "Did you commit arson without me?" it asked in a pout.

"TOMMY!" Tubbo yelled running into the cell where Wilbur was kept, going through the bars with ease, "Tommy get away from him!"

"But 'ubbo!!!! Wilby is 'ere!!!!" Tommy (?) said with a smile Wilbur hadn't seen since Tommy was a child.

"Tommy, I understand you don't remember anything right now but you need to come back over here!" Tubbo demanded and Tommy flinched

Wilbur was struck with the sudden realization that this isn't just his mind- no no it can't be- but Tubbo acknowledged him he has to- Wilbur reached his locked hands towards Tommy only for him to pass through him. What? No no it was just his imagination that makes sense.

"Oh sorry Wil! I'm kinda dead! I don't remember how i died... but i think im a ghostie!" Tommy said plainly, floating off the floor. Wilbur looked at him in confusion. Whats happening?

the first time toast sees the crater toast srceams in intense amount of pain- its so loud you can hear it all over the smp- and just dissapears for a few days before reappearing with no memories of what happened toast saying things tommy thought but never said- he calls eret "big brother" and eret fucking d i e s toast cals all the l'manbergians older siblings He's far too honest for anyone to handle tommy was always honest too but he learned from experince that honesty only lead to hurt Tommy was like an enderchest, you could never see beyond the exterior, everything inside was exclusive to him and him alone Toast is like when someone dies and all their fuckin items explode onto the ground. you just see everything and most of it was  pain and everyone feels bad because they thought he was the only one uneffected that nothing had ever put a damper on his happiness and energetic smile- at what point had that smile became fake? also for angst reasons the last memory toast has is before the elections toast has uwu boy vibes but more chaotic toast goes to dream smp from logstedshire purely for sam nook toast starts making his hotel since he sees nobody has a home (including dream LMAO) (and he wants to make a safe place since everyone keeps saying something about war) and wants to make one and asks sam for help since apparently hes good at building and sam lets him pay after he finishs the hotel and sam nook is there since day one because i dont think i could handle a world without sam nook toast: biting everyone tubbo: wHY DO YOU DO THAT?????? toast: once techie bit all the cupcakes and then said it was his cuz he bit it so im biting everyone to show their mine!!!!! tubbo: i- tubbo: i am both flattered and disgusted everyone, remembering how tommy used to bite everyone upon meeting and then everyone would get mad at him and yell at him until he stopped biting people on meeting: sadly whips and nae naes hes a BABY toast deserves the fucking world also i havent talked ab it but there is wilbur and fundy angst here fundy confronts wilbur also not that fundy is angry about not not not getting murdered by his father but also why does he consider tommy his unfinished sympohny and not him? he raised fundy too- maybe he just only ever loved tommy (based off his insecurity of how close wilbur and tommy are based off wilbur raising tommy and wilbur only being there for fundy by the time he was older and also using hybrid age go nyoom for this dream manipulates toast during wilburs exile along with wilbur and toast realizes both of them were being used by him and fucking screams lourder than he ever has before and dissapears for a week and then shows up at technos house (he got lost and he didnt know why he was at logsted shire- he doesnt remember the place) on the day of the excution and tries to help technoblade but keeps forgetting that everyone is trying to kill techno the butcher army is hesitant when "hey why are you all attacking big brother Techy-" "HE SPAWNED WITHERS IN L'MANBERG!" "he did?" toast asked tilting his head in confusion "YES! HE DID! AFTER YOU DIED! NOW WHERE IS HE TOAST! WE NEED TO CAPTURE HIM!" whenever tubbo talks ab how theyre planning on excuting techno or how there was no trial toast has flashbacks to tubbos excution but hes never able to hold on to the memories just leaving him feeling bad toast sees anything traumatic and just makes the blue screen noise toast has to reboot every time anything truamatic happens and when he does he doesnt remember what happens after

toast hurts on a "THE FUCKING IMPLICATIONS OF THIS" level just.. everyone trying to make up for not noticing tommys hurt and trying to be good to toast when its already too late... far too late glatt is also here because whenever ytoast dissapears after something trauamtic he bounces back to the land of the dead for the bit and sometimes he drags glatt out to the land of the living with him only works bc toast has unfinished buisness so he can freely go between and just stays in the land of the lving until he can finish his unfiinshed buisness ghostbur and toast wouldve been good friends if they ever met anyone yells at toast and he immeditly starts sobbing

basically when everything is calm and peaceful and everyone is happy together after dream is in prison and toast is like "oh... this is what ive always wanted"

"toast?" tubbo asked, confused toast smiled softly, "i think its time for me to go" "what?" wilbur asked his pitch unusually high due to the fear lacing his voice "i think... i think this was my unfinished buisness... this is the last thing i wanted when i was alive, the reason i stayed... i think its finally my time to go now" toast said smiling tearfully "no! you vcan't go! we just got you back!"

basically when everything is finally ok, when things finally calm down toast fades back to the void/afterlife thing

[llendrinall]

What if the golden trio + Draco magically get sucked into a universe where Riddle was killed before the potters were. And they grow up from babes to adulthood not remembering anything until they suddenly get their memories when each reach the age of 21 and ohh imagine how hard itd be on each's parents cuz they dont know whats wrong and all. Then bam Ron shows up engaged to a muggleborn he never spoke to in school and Harry and Draco are spotted on a date in a muggle zoo. The Malfoy's flip and so do the Potters.

It'd be a lovely story of healing, connecting and love and honesty I think they deserve it after the shit they went through.

The memories come to them in dreams. At first it’s just a strange, upsetting, dream that has a bit more consistency than dreams usually have and that lingers through the day while dreams fade away before you get out of bed. By the third night they have almost all the memories back, each dream slotting nicely with the previous one. Harry is understandably freaked out. He makes a quick trip to Godric’s Hollow to go hug his parents and then spends a lot of time looking at the one family photo they have in the living room, the one in which Harry and Dudley were seven. He stares at Petunia’s smile and wonders whatever happened to give him such horrible ideas about his aunt.

He and Ron are friends, living together as they went through the Auror training and now in their first year working as Aurors. Harry talks to Ron because he can’t shake that horrible feeling of dread; all the things he could lose or maybe all the things he has lost. That’s when they realize they have the same freaking memories, the same dreams, down to the nasty details like Ron leaving during the horcrux hunt or Harry being kind of a jerk about Ginny.

Ron, being Ron, is blessed with an eminently practical and down to earth sense of life. The dreams are strange and it would be very interesting to learn how come they got the same dream-memories, if something happened to their other selves and why are they suddenly remembering now. All those are very good and valid questions that someone should investigate. For now, Ron is going to find Hermione Granger and do whatever it takes to make her fall in love with him so he can marry her.

It turns out that Hermione has been getting the same dreams, the same memories, and when Harry and Ron – those two classmates she was friendly with but not super close to – come knocking on her door, she cries and she doesn’t know if it sadness for what they lost of joy to have them back. Ron once again shows his superior sense by grabbing her hand and saying that yes, this might be a super duper weird spell, and yes Hermione is right to suspect it and want to know why and where it came from, and yes, there may be some dark forces playing around; but none of that changes the fact that he loves her and even if the memories proved to be fake he will still love her because she has the courage and smarts to suspect the meaning of these memories and basically what Ron is trying to say is that he loves all iterations of Hermione. Sorry, but she is stuck with him.

They get married that same day, with Harry acting as a witness. Then they go tell their respective families. The Grangers take it surprisingly well and don’t even threaten Ron with dismemberment if he ever hurts Hermione. Instead, they ask him to do right by her. Ron, who might be going a bit mad, makes a vow of devotion and loyalty with his actual knee on the floor and the Grangers love it. They named their only daughter Hermione, of course they love it when an actual chivalric hero comes into their living room.

The Weasleys are a different thing. They know enough about magic to be suspicious of the sudden memories. Mrs Weasleys gives Hermione the stink eye because, to be honest, this sounds a lot like a love-potion. It’s only because Harry is there with the same memories and no wish to marry Hermione that Mrs Weasley doesn’t call the Wizarding Patrol immediately. Also, the twins and Ginny dislike Hermione. The twins slightly less so because they only had to suffer her as Prefect for a year, but for Ginny it was three long years of Hermione barring her from hexing and/or beating people. It was very frustrating and she blames Hermione for every pimple she got during that time. If Ginny had been allowed to hex Parkinson or Malfoy of freaking Finch-Fletchley every time they were their annoying selves, Ginny would have been much calmer and mellower and her skin would have reflected it.

So the Weasleys are not happy but there isn’t much they can do about it other than keep a close look on Hermione and wait for Ron to see reason.

It is a very busy weekend to say the least. On Monday Harry has vertigo because the week seems awfully empty (disarming a blood hex and capturing its creator, ppft, what is that for someone who remembers fighting Voldemort?). Harry would rather have his hours full so he won’t be overwhelmed by his thoughts. There is so much death in the memories! His parents, Sirius, Remus, Peter, even Regulus who is profoundly weird and very snobbish but James insists on inviting him to events and he keeps coming despite how uncomfortable he looks. They are all dead in Harry’s memories.

There is also Malfoy, who is even more of a jerk in the memories and who grew up to become an actual Death Eater like his father, someone who almost killed Dumbledore and who, when the time came, saved Harry’s life with a lie.

On Thursday the Auror office receives a call of dark activity in Minaford Park, which is where Draco Malfoy is living these days. Harry takes the assignment and makes quick work of the boggart and the ghoul that somehow were trapped under the stairs and were screaming at each other. As excuses go, it’s not too bad. Harry is certain that Draco could have done it himself, but it is messy enough that it seems believable that he would prefer someone else to fix it for him.

Draco offers Harry tea, which he accepts. There is a very odd tension in the air. Draco is down to his shirt sleeves and has shadows under his eyes and when he looks at Harry… It can’t be said that he looks at him funny. Draco was his usual snobbish self while he watched Harry getting rid of the creatures. But there is something in his eyes when Harry takes a seat and accepts the tea cup. Something almost like sorrow.

No, not sorrow.

Compassion.

“Look, Potter”, Draco says. “I am too old to start having prophetic dreams, but this affects you directly. You figure out if someone is playing with a timer-turner or what, here it goes.” And he tells Harry everything.

As one could expect, Minaford Park has a very beautiful garden. Draco and Harry spend hours after lunch walking through it. Ah, yes, Harry stayed for lunch. Draco insisted. He still had things to tell Harry and he was growing hungry.

They meet again on Saturday, ostensibly so Harry can tell Draco what he and Hermione had learned. Ron says he doesn’t give a damn where the memories came from. He only cares what he can do with them and so far he seems to be doing pretty well, having married Hermione and encouraged Bill to ask Fleur Delacour out. Hermione and Harry are a bit more worried, but Harry will admit the research effort goes 30-70% in Hermione’s favour.

Talking with Draco is good. He seems to share the same dread as Harry. Draco confesses that he is not happy with his conduct, or rather the conduct of the Draco that could be. He talks a lot about the fear and nausea at having the Dark Lord in his house, the smell of despair that took over the manor, the mad glint in his aunt Bellatrix’s eyes. Since Draco talks about his aunt, about seeing her mad and cruel and talking proudly about torturing the Longbottoms, Harry feels that he can talk about his own aunt Petunia and Draco will understand. Lily and Petunia don’t have the closest relationship, but to think that she could treat Harry like that…

The Sunday visit to the zoo isn’t a date. As soon as Hermione learns that Draco also has the memories she assigns work pairs and tasks. She sends Harry and Draco to check the reptiles in case they see something like Nagini in there. Both of them have the most memories of her. They should be able to recognize the snake.

Nagini is there and she is surprisingly cognizant for a snake which makes them suspect that she might be a horcrux. The discovery leaves them cold, a new kind of vertigo opening before them. They didn’t live through it, they are only memories, but the exhaustion of the war feels real and they don’t want to go through anything similar again.

Draco asks to go see the penguins and it might seem silly and contradictory, but watching them helps a lot to keep the chill from Nagini away. Neither can tell who initiated, but while in there they begin to hold hands. They go to see the butterflies next, which are in the next pavilion, and suddenly everything in the world looks much better. They don’t kiss when they part, but the way they look at each other is worth at least three kisses.

On Monday Harry receives a short message from Remus that simply says he has sequestered the Prophet’s copy but he doesn’t know how long he can keep Harry’s parents from seeing the news. Harry takes the morning off work and goes to Godric’s Hollow immediately so they can learn about Draco from him rather than the salacious gossip column.

James simply says, “MALFOY? You… MALFOY!?”.

He seems upset. Then he freezes and for the next ten minutes James says nothing. He doesn’t move. He is just there, in the kitchen, one hand in the air and the other holding a cup of tea that is growing cold.

“Harry, dear, I want you to come to dinner today.” Lily says. She has a worried frown but is otherwise unperturbed. “And tell us everything about those memories. Even the bad bits. This is important. It can be dangerous.”

“Yes! Dinner!” James screams, suddenly unfreezing. “Bring him to dinner. Tonight.”

“What?”

“No, you are right. It might be too formal, too soon. Quidditch, then. Does he like Quidditch? He must. I remember you complaining about him while you were in school.”

“He… likes Quidditch, yes.” Harry says hesitantly because even now he is not sure if his dad is talking about Draco.

“Perfect. We shall go see a Quidditch match, the three of us.”

“James.” Lily warns.

“Does anybody in this house know when the next Quidditch match is?” James cries over his wife’s warning that he is doing it again, just like with Sirius.

“Saturday.” Remus says.

“That’s too late! When is Sirius back?”

“Wednesday.” Answers Remus and despite his transformation exhaustion he nimbly steps away from Lily’s strike with the newspaper. Usually Remus would spend his transformation at home, but since Sirius had to go on a trip he came to James and Lily’s so he would have company, which led to the fortunate circumstance of being able to take the newspaper and delay the news.  

“Honestly, Remus.” Chides Lily.

“I’m not encouraging him! You can’t call answering his questions encouragement!”

“It is decided, then.” James announces from the chair. He has climbed a chair and is speaking from atop. “Friday, you bring young Malfoy home. We will play Quidditch and some board games and have dinner in the yard. Sirius shall bring Regulus so Malfoy is not the only Slytherin.”

“James, listen to me…” Lily tries with little faith that James would listen to anyone.

That same morning, at eleven, Lucius Malfoy receives a howler from James Potter composed of thirty-two seconds of mad laughter, which means that James must had listened to Lily at some point or most likely that she was able to take his wand.

It couldn’t be said that James Potter was happy to hear that his beloved son was dating a snobbish Slytherin prick, no, but as soon as he realized that Lucius Malfoy would be equally unenthused about it, it had awaken James’s unhinged tendency towards confrontation with the established power and forced adoption of families’ black sheep. He had done it to Sirius, he had done it to Remus, he had done it to Peter (even if it failed catastrophically) and he was doing it to Regulus now. He had even befriended Severus Snape. Oh! Snape! He should invite Snape too. That way they could make teams of four.  He would come if Lily asked him to.

And afterwards they explore those memories, and Lily looks worried and so does Snape. Regulus goes very quiet for a while but then he gives his opinion of what has happened and it’s the most words anyone has heard him speak but the multiverse theory makes a lot of sense.  

The Weasleys warm up to Hermione eventually. They can’t tell why, exactly, other that Ron is beaming these days. Also, every time she comes to the Burrow she brings a gift to Arthur. It is a very obvious ploy to make them like her but it works because she sees the gift through and answers all of Arthur’s questions no matter how long it takes. The twins took notes when she gave her physics lecture. It was most informative. They created two prank artefacts out of it.

They find the few horcruxes Voldemort managed to make. Peter, who had a falling out with the Potters years ago, resurfaces and tries to steal a horcrux and bring back the Dark Lord out of spite. According to Regulus some people are dedicated to bring their own destruction and you can’t do anything about it.  Barty Crouch Jr. also tries to bring Voldemort back, but by then Lucius Malfoy has been adopted by James even though he is a powerful adult man with his own family. It makes no sense. If anything, Lucius should be the one informally adopting people and grooming them under his wing to be his devoted friends and allies. But Lucius had become James’, just like Severus warned him it would happen, so he puts a stop to that Barty Crouch nonsense pretty quickly and to any other former Death Eaters with ideas. Lucius might not like the Potters but he likes the idea of Voldemort taking over his house even less, and whatever else his happening, it makes Draco happy, so.

What little of Voldemort remained alive, it is now dead.

The four of them, they have the shadows and regrets of two lives, the fear and pain of two wars, but the happiness afterwards… Oh, it is worth it, it is very, very worth it. It is the happiness of two lives, tenfold.  

[yuissamidare]

have you read the last drk volume yet? idk if you read japanese well or not but itd be cool if you could spoil the ending :3c

i haven’t finished it, bc i was going reread from the beginning but i took a look at the ending for you. im glad i did. yui’s birthday is august 31st, which is Independence Day in my country. she’s a virgo. ive been wanting that info since 2013. drk ending spoilers under the cut

yui, as theorized from the start, died. she was killed in an explosion in the Sirius observatory where her and kirigiri first met, and that’s also how kirigiri hurts her hands. some of yuis final thoughts were that she wishes that she could’ve been better, lived a life without making mistake — that she were a talented detective instead of just some normal stupid high school girl. she could’ve been able to protect kirigiri. in the end, yui thinks, i couldn’t protect a single thing.

kirigiri begs yui to stay with her, to live, that kirigiris going to make sure she’s going home alive, hold on, pull yourself together, please, but yui accepts her fate, and thanks kirigiri. her last words are her apologizing for treating her like a criminal and asking how she could make it up to her because at this rate she’ll..... and her last thoughts are about kirigiri too:

you were right all along, so stand proud. oh, cherry blossom petals. they’re beautiful, aren’t they, kirigiri-chan? you’re very.......

samidare yui dies.

kyouko kirigiri wakes up in a hospital bed with ruined hands, she wants to see yui. she ends up meeting salvador, and the girls from the saint annes academy, tsukiyo and nazuna from the libra girls academy case that was in vol 4 & 5 I believe?? (check jess’ blog bc I’m still working through them) because they also knew yui. salvador goes over her injuries—hypothermia, severe burns on her hands—and says it’s a miracle she survived 

“and what about yui-oneesama?” kirigiri asked. those were the first words she spoke in that hospital.

“about her...” yadorigi turned away, and the time he spent grasping for words was more than enough of an answer. kirigiri could easily guess what came next: “It was too late for her.”

“i see...”

kirigiri turned to face the curtain, and her reaction baffled the girls and tsukiyo who was with salvador. why the fuck wasn’t kirigiri crying?! she loved yui, didn’t she? they were friends right?! where was kirigiris heart?! don’t you pity her at the very least?! are you even human?! such and such. salvador tells her to cut it out. though even though kirigiri didn’t outwardly emote, she was doing her thing compartmentalizing her emotions unhealthily which was the family way u know.

in the end, tsukiyo weeps all by herself, and nazuna holds onto her. meanwhile kirigiris low key having a crisis

even still, am i detective? kirigiri asked herself. is she willing to die as a detective? she’s not a detective for the sake of helping other people, that’s just how she was bred and raised. however, the days spent by yuis side taught her that even she could feel helpless — she thought she was proud to be born as a detective, but maybe she was just clinging onto that to compensate for something else. in the end, there’s no one to protect her, and no one, not even she herself, could save the the person dearest to her.

salvador starts talking about the committee and shinsen will being passed along to new people. they need her help. but kirigiri’s angsting really really hard and says no. in her own words: 今さら自分に何ができるというの。霧切響子はもう死んだ。あの日、彼女と一緒に。

but what can she do now, on her own? kirigiri kyouko has already died. she died that day, together with her (yui).

so yeah she’s having an awful time. and she gets discharged when the cherry blossoms start falling and covering the dreary snow. neat! the irony! she goes back to Sirius bc there was a crossbow missing from the scene, and she won’t rest until this one incident is solved. shen then figures out who fucked her and yui over so bad. it could only be him, it could only be shinsen fucking mikado.

we then learn her grandpa was detained bc he was a suspect in shinsens murder, and she talked to him about yui. kirigiri gets upgraded to dsc 910. she finally has a 0 on her card like she always wanted... she can’t feel happy about it. this number doesn’t mean anything to her, anymore.

she gets a letter from yui, that she wrote in case she died first. talking about how she knew one day that she couldn’t be there for her forever, but she hoped she could take some of kirigiris burdens from her, or maybe she just made everything worse. yui had her own baggage, and couldn’t support her properly, but yui knows one day she’ll have people who love and support her like yui did, like she wanted to. she tells her to take breaks and to take care of herself — yui says she’s knows she’s more trouble than she’s worth, so thank you for sticking with her kirigiri-chan. and goodbye.

she remembers a conversation she had with salvador—yui saved her, and now she’s gone . like all the times before that, yui used her body to cover her so she wouldn’t freeze to death after the building exploded, and kirigiri couldn’t help her.

“hey, kirigiri-chan, did I take some of that weight off your shoulders?”

everything is silent. no cars on the road, no sound. 

kirigiri loses her shit, she breaks down completely despite trying so hard to suppress her feelings.

emotions are not needed when it comes to detectives... she’s been following that adage all her life, so why is it so hard to follow now? why can’t she stop tearing up? she’s ruining her bandages with how much she’s scrubbing her eyes from crying. finally she just falls to her knees and wails. she’s sorry, she’s so sorry yui-oneesama. she keeps calling her name, willing her to just pop in right next to her, because she knows she just needs to call her name, and yui will trip over herself to come to help her. yui-oneesama will definitely come save her. big sis yui. big sis yui....

so she’s not okay! and I’m not ok. I am crying. there’s a time skip where kirigiri goes to yuis hometown to visit her grave. she’s happy to see that other people gave her offerings too, she sets flowers down and prays, and asks her to keep watching over her. 

She calls salvador and agrees to help. years pass and she goes to hopes peak. naegi finds her dsc after she dropped it, bc he was looking for something sakura threw. naegis like wtf is this also are u on a job how old were u when u started being a detective and kirigiris like UGHHHH go away but then she’s like... hmmm whomst is this little twink 

the last lines of the book are “fine then, let’s have a chat, naegi-kun.”

[petewentzisblack1312]

if ur still doing the song thing, the take over and/or headfirst slide ??

ok i know its been like ages BUT

the take over the breaks over is a really interesting song to me because it paints this very specific image of feeling completely untouchable by anything due to fame. like its the story of someone convincing his rich and famous lover to murder her husband, specifically because itd look better in the papers (wouldnt you rather be a widow than a divorcee?/[you could] style your wake for fashion magazines). theres this very interesting narrative about how they are so certain they can get away with murder that theyre pleased to do it (we did it in the dark/with smiles on our faces/we dropped them well concealed/in secret places) and the repeated refrain of "we dont fight fair" really drives home the point that theyre getting away with a lot because of their fame, because of how good the story is, because of how interesting it is (people will dissect us til this doesnt mean a thing anymore). this is one case where pete didnt write something autobiographical, even though it definitely touches on the broader themes of the way fame affects the self, and i think its done really well.

headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet is a song that i have a difficult time unravelling, because it feels like its coming at me from a lot of different directions. its a song about infidelity, sure, but moreso its about the way infidelity hurts specifically. like, imagine giving up so much, giving up your dignity, your comfort, your pride, just to be with someone who wont even commit to the fact youre together. "i wish i didnt...... i dont just want to be a footnote in someone elses happiness" its like, i regret doing this. i wish i didnt fall for you, and i dont want to just be a by the way in your life. theres a lot of comparisons to the muses husband, asking "does he know the way the sunshine gleams on your wedding band?" because the persona is extremely aware of the fact the object of their affection is not theirs. theres also the line "does he know the way i worship our love?" additionally, the persona continuously says "i will never end up like him [but] behind my back i already am" its possible that the muse isnt even faithful to their unfaithfulness. "keep a calendar, this way you will always know" maybe because the muse has so many dates to keep track of?

it kinda feels like the other side of the coin, to the takeover, like the pain the persona was feeling, comparing themself to a man who the person they love loves more than them, that pushed them to convince their lover to murder them in cold blood. they may have nothing to do with each other though, but i think its interesting to say the least.

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