#i love k flay man

[aviisick13]

I can put music like this now yippeeee

[dadsbongos]

my wife is cool, understanding, and goes with the flow

5.7 k words / warnings - fem reader (+referred to as mother/wife), chilchuck's emotional turmoil (he's so in love and so incapable of verbalizing it)

summary - general strings of yours and chilchuck's marriage. good to bad to making up.

~~~

“You know,” you whisper, “If you ignore how nightmarish they were to raise, then they’re kinda perfect kids.”

Chilchuck snorts, letting you hang off his arm as you stand in the doorway to your living room.

Meijack and Flertom are strewn across the couch in opposite directions, Flertom’s feet dangling off an armrest and Meijack’s in her sister’s face. Thankfully, Flertom is not awake to notice the violation of personal space. Puckpatti is curled on the floor before the couch, long auburn hair flayed out and draped over her arms, which she uses as a makeshift pillow.

The front door is wide open, gentle pittering rain having lulled the girls to sleep. Puckpatti had been the one to suggest a ‘slumber party’ in the common space as it rained, even likening the cool air and atmospheric petrichor to camping to incite Meijack. As far as you know, however, none of the girls have been camping, so you’re mystified how that reasoning actually worked.

“Mei and Fler are so big now,” he muses, “Mei thinks she’s ready for the adult world now.”

“As if,” you lay your cheek on his shoulder, silently wishing he’d take the opportunity to kiss your temple. He does not, “We were barely ready when we had them. How’s a nine-year-old prepared for that?”

“That’s what I’m asking.”

Meijack, as if sensing her parents’ lighthearted jabs, rolls over with a grumble and hum, flinging a foot into Flertom’s nose. The younger twin’s face wrinkles in protest, head jerking in the opposite direction -- you and Chilchuck freeze, anticipating a shrill cry, until Flertom relaxes again. The sigh of relief is short, though.

Abruptly, Chilchuck goes rigid, jolting you off him, “Why is Patti on the floor? Like a dog?”

“How am I supposed to know what goes on in that kid’s brain?”

Chilchuck shakes his head and steps over the young girl to shut your front door. Squeaky hinges pull a whine from Patti herself, drowsily rubbing her eyes and calling, “Papa, don’t shut it!”

“What? You want a troll to get in?” he asks sarcastically.

“No,” Puckpatti answers in earnest.

“That’s why Papa wants the door shut,” you kneel by your youngest daughter, brushing back her bangs just to watch her eyebrows scrunch cutely, “So no nasty trolls can get inside…” then you remember your husband’s complaint, “Patti, baby, do you wanna sleep in a chair? Or a bed? The ground doesn’t look very nice to rest on.”

“Yeah, Mama’s right. The ground’s gonna mess up your back,” Chilchuck joins you, ready to scoop up your daughter when she shakes her head.

“Wanna stay by Mei and Fler…” she pouts.

“Okay, but let me set out some more blankets, alright?” you kiss her on the forehead once, then twice when she beams and nods.

Chilchuck is already standing to retrieve spare blankets from your closet, he’s back before you can impede the hallway. He stops you from venturing further by propping a leg in front of you, “Don’t worry about it, I got everything.”

“She’ll need a real pillow, too, honey.”

“Yeah,” he taps at your ankles with his foot until you’re relenting, turning back towards the living room, “I said I got it.”

“Thank goodness for my big, strong man, huh?”

“I am the breadwinner,” he teases, granting you a kiss on the cheek before dropping to lay the blankets out as a makeshift mattress for Puckpatti.

“Self-imposed!” you rasp, stage-swatting at his back, “I could get a job, too!”

“Do you want to?” you want to smack the smug grin off his lips, specifically with your own. In a kiss. For a long while.

“...no.”

He laughs at your sudden shyness. Tempered down only to avoid waking your daughters, “There you go.”

“Boo,” you pull Chilchuck to a stand by the back of his shirt. You pull, and pull, and pull, and you don’t stop until he’s tumbling on top of you into your shared bed, with your door haphazardly kicked shut, “You’re mean to me.”

“I’m mean?!” he whisper-shouts, instantly more affectionate in how he wraps his arms around you and buries his face into your neck, “You choked me, yanking on my shirt like that.”

“You’re alive, aren’t you?”

“Barely,” he abruptly goes limp, “I’m half dead.”

“Half dead isn’t a thing, Chil,” you giggle, trying halfheartedly to shove him off.

“It is, I’m half dead,” he insists, “There’s only one way to revive me.”

“Uh-huh… and that is?”

“A kiss,” Chilchuck lifts his head to look you in the eyes, suggestively bumping his eyebrows, “A sloppy one.”

“No!” you gasp, dramatically.

“Loud and wet,” he nods in even measures, clicking his tongue, “Only way, I guess. Really tough for you.”

“I don’t know about that,” you wiggle out an arm from beneath his body to poke his cheek, “You seem fine now. Very lively and talkative!”

“Means I’m dying faster. It’s the final burst of energy before I shit my pants and die.”

“Ew!” your shout is smothered beneath Chilchuck’s hand, his laughter rumbling your body, forehead digging into your collarbones.

Between choked chuckles Chilchuck manages out a meek, “sorry, sorry!” he gasps for breath and releases your mouth, “That was gross.”

“Yeah, now get off me. You’re nasty.”

“See? You’re mean to me, one mention of shit and I’m just an expendable stud.”

As soon as Chilchuck rolls off you and onto his back, you’re crowding onto him, pawing at his chest and kissing his cheek, “You are a stud.”

“Can I get a kiss for that, at least?”

“I just kissed you, greedy.”

His deadpan stare inspires a bizarre longing in your thumping chest, you stretch to grant his wish. Chilchuck’s hands cup your cheek, holding you close to prolong the kiss as long as you’ll allow. Such restless and selfish want is reserved for behind closed doors, which you wish you could understand, but you don’t.

You’re preoccupied with the dread of death. Half-foots are blessed to live past fifty. Sure, you and Chilchuck are merely scratching at twenty, but life is too short for him to be shy about these things.

“I wish you’d be more open and lovey.”

“Hm?” he hums against your lips, pulling away to stare at you strangely, “Why?”

“‘Why?’” you mock, “I’m your wife! That’s why.”

Instinctually, Chilchuck goes to wave off the answer as a joke and roll his eyes, but then something barks. Both of you pause, heads turning slowly towards the now gaping door to find a shaggy white puppy standing in the dim space. Swiftly, its tail wags, and it barks again before charging towards your bed.

Your screech at the dash rouses Chilchuck from his shock. Clumsily shuffling so he’s in front of you, taking the brunt of the dog’s pounce.

“Since when do we have a dog?!” Chilchuck looks over his shoulder at you, as if you’d know.

“As if I know!” you parrot your thoughts, breath slowing to a calm when the small dog cuddles your husband’s arms, “Kinda cute though, right?”

“He broke in!” Chilchuck accuses, lifting a shoulder to prevent you petting it -- his plan fails miserably and you’re easily scratching behind the dog’s ears, “He could have ticks! He could’ve bit the girls on his way back here!”

“No,” you whine, resting your chin on Chilchuck’s shoulder, “He has a friendly face, he’d never do that!”

“And you know that how…?”

“Aw, Chil, honey, have a heart! He was probably scared of the rain and snuck inside to get away from it!” you reach under the dog’s head to now scritch his chin, “Which is our fault for leaving the door open, isn’t it?” you’re already a lost cause to logic, repeating back to the puppy, “Isn’t it? Yes, it is! Yes, it is! He understands me! He’s so smart, Chil, we have to keep him.”

His silent glowering makes you wilt over his back.

You retreat from the dog to hug your husband from behind, “C’mon, have a heart!”

Irritation pulses through Chilchuck at the turn of tonight’s events. Everything before this dumb dog felt natural, smooth, and familiar. Until you said that.

One thing that makes his heart rate spike. Even though, at twenty, it means very little to him.

‘I wish you’d be more open and lovey.’

He knows this means more.

“Okay, okay,” he eases, snatching a chaste smooch from you before combing a hand down the dog’s soft fur, “I’ll work on it.”

You two never had a dog, though.

Puckpatti is allergic -- you never would’ve gotten a dog since it’d cause your daughter so much distress.

What’s in his arms isn’t a dog, but it isn’t a mimic.

What’s in his arms isn’t a dog because this isn’t real.

.

.

.

Chilchuck’s eyes drift open, a dusty ceiling stares down at him. Slowly, a crushing weight is relieved from his stomach.

Blonde and black hair mingle in his peripherals, then Laios is leaning over him obnoxiously, speaking to the other two while looking at the half-foot, “Does Chil sleep with his eyes open?”

“No,” Chilchuck takes initiative, shoving Laios away by the chin and sitting up with a yawn. His back cracks unpleasantly, and eye crust pokes into his fluttering lids. Rubbing the gross clots away, Chilchuck settles his elbows onto his knees before resting that way -- leaning into his hands even after his eyes have been cleared out.

For a moment, he silently mourns the fading images of his dream; already having forgotten the beginning. No matter how desperately he clings to the story, it escapes, leaking out his ears until all there is left to mourn is the fact he’s awake.

All he knows is that dream ended differently than it should have. Hopefully the ending this time was better than real life, not that it matters. He wouldn’t remember, nor would it change the fact that in reality you two are not together.

“Chilchuck? Are you okay?” Marcille sounds hesitant. Worried.

The last thing he needs is her fretting and prying into what his Nightmare could’ve been about, so instead he lamely says, “Tired.”

“Oh, okay,” she sounds entirely unconvinced. He’s surprised when she doesn’t push.

He’s further surprised when Laios does, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

…

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Chil’,” you croon, hands curling around the man’s waist as he silently uncorks a bottle of cheap wine. He makes sure not to jostle you off as he moves the dark glass to his lips, even cupping your overlapping hands with one of his own to steady you, “You should talk to me about these things!”

“It was fine, we went in -- got what we needed -- got out. I’m back and alive.”

‘Alive’ strikes you, it sticks in the back of your head as soon as he says it. Your arms tighten around his slim waist, the slots of his ribs dig into your forearms and it makes your chest tighten. Swirling thoughts colliding and dragging each other deeper and deeper into your darker concerns: Chilchuck starving himself to maintain an unhealthy weight, Chilchuck burning calories in a revival, Chilchuck having to drink himself under just to fall asleep.

“Would you tell me if you died?”

“Why would you want to know that?” he laughs, yet you’re frowning into his back.

You bite your lip until raw iron spills onto your tongue, gnawing it with the anxiety of how to soften this question. How marshmallowy can you make your tone to avoid lecturing while also not patronizing him? Eventually, you settle on just spitting it out,

“Would you even remember it?” he hums, confused, “You drink a lot, Chil’.”

He squeezes your hands, setting down his wine to turn in your hold, now cupping your cheeks -- flush with upset and ready to dampen with tears, “I don’t get blackout on jobs, you know?”

“But,” you don’t want to pester him, to drive him away from home even during his off time, “Chil’, honey, you’re… with your weight, alcohol could- well- !”

“I know,” he interrupts your stammering, drawing a thumb across the apples of your face tenderly. Though his posture is rigid, and his next statement confirms your suspicion that he just wants to stop talking about this, “I appreciate you looking out for me, but really, don’t think so much about it. Work’s not worth talking about at home. And my drinking is totally recreational, I want to enjoy myself and unwind, is that so bad?”

“No,” you heave with defeat, now planting your forehead against his shoulder. Clenching his shirt in a bunch, you squeeze and squeeze and squeeze hoping it’ll squash out any thoughts of continuing to nag his drinking. It’ll end the same way it always does.

Chilchuck is fine because work is fine and his drinking is fine and his diet is fine because Chilchuck is perfectly perpetually fine.

You’re just a worrywart wife. Your kids are grown, having flown the coop, and you’re going mad in loneliness. You should think less. You should learn to be fine like your husband.

…

“Woah, no way! They want to meet me?”

“Uh-huh,” Chilchuck’s eyes trail after you as you rush from one end of the room to the other, clicking jewelry clasps and snapping buttons into place as you go, “It’s nothing to dress up over,” when you seem to ignore him, he only gets louder, “We’re gonna be late, you know?”

Let me dress up! is what you want to snap at him, but you don’t. Instead, you let those comments join the many others from him that rattle around in the back of your mind like rocks.

“I want to make a good impression,” you finally utter, “It isn’t like you tell me anything about work, I’m excited to meet your friends! Besides, if you wanted me to be more prepared then you should’ve said something earlier.”

“I get it,” and in a bid to be polite, but just coming out tumbling into the rock pile is, “If you had work friends, I’d wanna meet them, too.”

The obvious dig is that you don’t get out. Now that the girls are older and independently caring for themselves, you could more easily find work… the problem lies in how you don’t really want to. You’d be too scared of Chilchuck returning home to an empty house, whenever it is that he does come home.

The hidden dig is that he’s fibbing, he would never want to meet your friends like you want to meet his.

Nevertheless, you tuck a white hyacinth cob into your hair and head for the spot Chilchuck claims his group frequents for after-work drinks. Before tonight, it never really occurred to you that Chilchuck might be grabbing drinks with other people. Not that such an idea alone is what bothers you, rather that he’s out so often and for so long potentially enjoying himself while you’re stuck at home sick over whether he’s alive.

Upon arrival, a pair of tallmen greet you both. Smiles light up their faces, cheeks balling with glee, when their eyes spot you. It should probably be embarrassing how quickly such an insignificant act can get you excited. You wave and they wave back.

“Gonna introduce the lovely lady?” the slightly taller one, black haired with stubble stretching down his neck, prompts.

“We should get to the table first,” Chilchuck reaches for the door, holding it open for you.

(if you were presenting Chilchuck to your friends then you’d repeat yourself introducing him ad infinitum with shining pride, but you add that thought to your rock collection)

“This is my wife,” Chilchuck pulls out your chair for you, waiting until you’re sat before adding your name and sitting beside you, “Hope she’s everything you all hoped for.”

You choose to ignore that. Preferring to strike conversation with his friends until,

“You know,” the blonde woman at the head of the table leans forward, you’ve been rudely trying to avoid looking at her. But how can you blame yourself when she stares at your husband with such a sultry, lidded gaze, “I think you were exaggerating how spacey she is, Chilchuck. Adorable thing’s been keyed into our conversation the whole time.”

Chilchuck grumbles into his rapidly emptying mug of ale, then locking eyes with the blonde woman, “You don’t live with her.”

“Hey!” you sound bratty and grating with the whine, but your spirit feels worse, “Is that what you tell them about me?”

“And clumsy,” the gnome directly across from you chirps.

“But!” the black-haired one from earlier interrupts, apparently sensing your drowning mood, “You’re a good mom! Great, even!”

“Oh,” the compliment does very little to satiate you, given what’s been said against you (you don’t stop to consider that Chilchuck mentions those things because he finds them charming). You look over to your husband, “I’m a good mom?”

Chilchuck is drunkenly chortling over something you hadn’t heard the blonde woman say.

But at least you’re a good mom.

Something plops against the hand buried in your lap. A scattered white hyacinth. Embarrassed suddenly by how much effort you put into your outfit, you sweep the flower off your leg and stare at the table -- praying to avoid more glimpses of the blonde at the head of the table.

Nobody seems to notice your veil of silence, not even Chilchuck to tease you proving his point about spacing out.

On the trek home, you trail behind Chilchuck to test if he’ll notice. At some point, you’re three full paces behind him, and you theorize that the weight of all your freshly added brain-rocks is slowing you down. Again, he holds the door to your shared home open, but does not ask the cause for your sour mood.

Assuming he’s even noticed, anyway.

Given the way he leaves the next morning for another job with little more than a kiss to your forehead, you assume he didn’t. Venomously, you wonder if he would notice the blonde in a bad mood.

That same morning, not knowing how long he’ll be away this time, you pack up and head for Flertom’s house with Puckpatti.

(a flickering hope tries to toss the rocks through your ears, assuring that Chilchuck will come for you as soon as he’s seen you missing)

…

Four years later, Chilchuck does finally come for you.

“Hey, Mama?” Flertom creeps around the corner to the kitchen, hands wrinkled in the skirt of her dress nervously, “You have a visitor…”

Looking up from your book, you roll the handle of your coffee mug in your palm, making the bottom scrape against your daughter’s tablecloth, “Who’d visit me?”

“Dad.”

That makes you hesitate before slipping your book closed around your thumb, “Your father’s here?”

“He’s at the door,” she nods, voice lowering as if he’d hear her across the house, “There’s an elf lady with him!”

“Oh, you’re- !” you purse your lips, sighing through your nose, and nod. Rising to a stand, you replace your thumb with a proper bookmark before skirting around Flertom and through the hall. Curses coagulate in your throat, and you suffer them silently, holding them until they melt back into your chest, not wanting to swear out your ex in front of his daughter.

With more force than perhaps necessary, you pull the door open and annoyedly flick your eyes from Chilchuck to the blonde elf woman behind him.

“What? Came to show off?”

Chilchuck flushes red, shaking his head and tilting a preciously wrapped bouquet towards you, “No! No, we’re not together.”

Elf Lady lets out a quiet gasp before refusing sharply, “Not together at all! He’s here for you!”

“I figure he’s here for me,” you’re much more bitter than you thought you’d be, although to be fair whenever you imagined Chilchuck coming to see you he was never with another woman, “If you’re not together, why are you here?”

She frowns at your tone, Chilchuck sticking an arm out in front of her, “She’s my coworker. And friend. She pushed me to come see you,” he steps forward, waving the flowers under your nose, “Can we talk?”

“About what, Chilchuck?”

His eyes widen at the use of his formal name, plastic wrap crinkling loudly as he squeezes the flowers. Then his gaze drops to his feet, “I didn’t realize we were so unfamiliar.”

“I haven’t heard from you in four years.”

“You haven’t heard from me?” he grins sideways, an agitated twitch in his left eye, “Do you hear yourself?”

You open your mouth to retort, only to then catch the sight of Chilchuck’s ‘friend’ lingering -- staring -- not even three feet back. Glaring at her, you begin to slide the door shut, “I think we’re done here. You show up at our daughter’s house, unannounced, with some pretty, blonde filly and expect us to chat like old friends? You’re just as insensitive as always, Chilchuck!”

As you go to slam the door, Chilchuck shoves his foot in the way, hissing at the resounding ache all through his instep and ankle. Breathless from the sudden pain, he worms the bouquet through the slim gap -- a few stray powder blue hyacinth petals fluttering to the floor at the pressure. Just above the plush flowers is the sorrowful sight of Chilchuck’s wet lashes and batting eyes.

“Come on,” he huffs, not even taking a huff of relief when you let the door open wider. Tensely, Chilchuck wraps his other hand around the bouquet as well, “It’s not like that, you know me better, don’t you? I just need to talk to you,” the wrap squeals again as he squeezes tighter, “I just want you to tell me where I went wrong.”

He’s playing to your big headedness, vying that he’s alone in the wrong. You know him better, most definitely, you know that as soon as you two sit down he’ll bring up the way in which you left. You deserve that much, don’t you? If you could change anything (given that what you can pick from is what was actually your fault), it would be the manner in how you left. You would’ve waited until he was home to tell him to his face.

(except that’s a lie, if you had waited then you would’ve let him sucker you with soft apologies and unfulfilling promises to change)

This is the most vulnerable you’ve seen him in years.

“She’s not coming into my home.”

Chilchuck nods, lips stretching fondly, “You’re so jealous.”

“She’s tall, and blonde! And pretty. And- !”

He cuts you off, tone just as soft as it was seconds ago, “And I’m not giving her flowers, am I?”

“Apology flowers,” you mutter, though sweeping the bouquet from his arms into yours. Skimming one of the soft petals under your thumb before gliding from one bob to the other and touching there, too. Turning toward the burning feeling of eyes on your back, you find Flertom’s blown out stare meeting yours.

Flertom holds both hands out silently, brows raised. Pushing in neither way, only offering to hold -- whether she holds you or the flowers is your decision. You choose the flowers. She giggles and waves you off, whispering to the flowers about what a lovely, empty vase she has just for them!

“We shouldn’t talk here,” you step out from Flertom’s home, “I don’t want to include our daughter in our troubles.”

“What a good mom,” he teases, waving off the elf as he steps down from Flertom’s porch, holding out a hand to assist you down as well. The remark has a new defiance bubbling beneath your skin.

“I can walk myself,” you bypass his offer.

“I know you can, but let me be nice.”

“You had lots of opportunities to be nice.”

A retort is trapped on the back of his tongue. Ultimately, he swallows it, and says nothing except to suggest a bar nearby, “That could be a good spot,” at your judgmental stare, he sputters, “For talking!”

“Right.”

Chilchuck has a favored tavern in Kahka Brud, the one where you told him you were pregnant with Puckpatti. He, very selflessly and pumped full of blind joy, bought a round for the patrons. It's not a particularly popular or nice place, there’s a lingering smell of mildew and the usual customers are lonely old men (basically: Chilchuck). And the door still creaks when he holds it open for you.

And the tables are just as wobbly when you sit there. Chilchuck tries in vain to mask the tipping by forcing it to one side by pressing his elbows down.

“So, what was she doing there?”

“She kept bugging me about my personal life, so,” he sighs, unsure how to explain himself without sounding out of his mind, “In short, I promised she could meet my family.”

“Pretty against your usual tough front.”

“Not tough,” he folds his arms now, hands on either bicep, still trying to keep the uneven table steady, “I just don’t think they have to know my business.”

“You realize how stupid you sound, right?”

“Oi,” a deep voice approaches from the other side of the bar, a man unfamiliar to both you and Chilchuck stands behind the counter, “We don’t serve kids here.”

Chilchuck groans, pointing at his ears without looking back at the man, then his eyes catch the way you’re prepared to hop down from your seat. He shakes his head, “Don’t move for this dumbass. If he can’t tell a tall-man kid from adult half-foots, he’s a fucking idiot.”

“I guess, but what if he just kicks you out for being a dick?” you glance at the bartender warily, trying to sense if he’s gearing up to throw you and Chilchuck out by force.

“I’m not worried about him,” Chilchuck leans forward, almost as if he can assert control over the situation by a meager height difference, “I’m here to talk to you.”

You’re unsure how to respond to that. It’s something you’ve always wanted to hear from him, but now that you have it feels unsatisfying. After four years of your sudden disappearance from his life, he’s finally given chase.

“Do you have any idea why I left?”

“Roughly,” he admits, voice quiet, eyes redirected to the table in shame, “I wasn’t there for you, right?”

“That’s a bit simplified. When you were on crawls, it felt like you being away for work felt the same as when you were home.”

“I wasn’t there for you,” he restates, nodding slowly, “So, that was it?”

His lack of tension hurts you more than you’re willing to admit. Enough that you temporarily forget that you wanted to make him feel the distance between you both.

“Chil…”

You revert to his first name.

“It’s okay, you can say it. That was it. You had enough.”

It goes unacknowledged, and that hurts all over again. It hurts so bad, you start to get angry that he even maintains such an effect on your heart.

“I didn’t want- it wasn’t- I’m…” you groan loudly, eyes clenching shut to avoid him, “That’s the problem, Chil,” his silence prods you on, “You think of me leaving as… as a ‘that’s it’ moment. Do you know how hard that was on me?”

“Leaving was hard on you? I came home to nothing that day! I thought you were just upset, maybe a little depressed, I didn’t think you were planning to leave me! I never thought you’d leave.”

“I told you. I told you why I was upset.”

“When?”

“I told you all the time!” before he can open his stupid mouth, you’re yelling again, “And if you knew I was so sad, then why didn’t you ask?! Did it never occur to you that I might need support? That I wanted my husband to talk to me about how I felt? That he should talk to me about how he feels?”

“I’m no good with emotional shit, you know that. When I’m upset I just feel uncomfortable spilling that onto others, I didn’t want to intrude.”

“We were married! Spouses are supposed to intrude!”

His shoulders droop, face falling like you said something genuinely devastating (but that can’t be, right? why would he be so upset about something he gave such little thought to?), “Were?”

“I was gone for four years before you came to see me, Chil,” you lay your head in your hands, “Four years before you looked for me.”

“I thought you didn’t want to see me again,” he whispers, “I asked Fler about you.”

“She never told me that.”

“I told her not to.”

Redundantly, you say, “I didn’t know that.”

“I thought you hated me,” Chilchuck draws a slow breath, it fills his whole chest before he lets it all out, “And for the first couple of months after Fler told me you were safe, I hated you, too. I was so mad that you didn’t even leave a note. I couldn’t eat or sleep, I was just… confused, and angry. I couldn’t work,” he swallows hesitation, “And the worst part was… I couldn’t talk about it because nobody knew you. Re-explaining it to people would just piss me off all over again.”

“Your old coworkers met me. And we grew up with Dandan.”

“I didn’t want to talk to Dandan,” he huffs petulantly, “I wanted to talk to my wife.”

So many feelings are bottled between you both; shaken up to a fizzy, bubbling mess about to explode from one of you. You fear it may be you. You almost crave for it to be him, though. You hate him. You miss him. You love him.

And you’re lying through your teeth, still, because you don’t hate him at all.

“Being with you, I felt so lonely.”

“I never took it seriously when you said I should open up more. I thought that because we were married that was enough and you’d be content to just be there,” he purses his lips, “I was wrong. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” you reach across the table and pull one of his hands off his arm, lacing his fingers with yours, “I should’ve left a note. I’m sorry. You must’ve been worried sick.”

“I thought some bastards took you. Ran up and down the coast accusing everyone I could see of kidnapping,” he chuckles, although the ragged beat in his voice clues to you that the incident was not as lighthearted as he’s making it seem, “But when I found out the truth, I just thought you didn’t want to be found.”

“Because you wouldn’t want to be found, right?”

“Right.”

“But- !”

“You’re not me,” he squeezes your hand tight, you can feel the full warm softness of his palm without those gloves he pulls on for work, “You’re way different. You run away to prove points,” a bratty hey! follows, “You know yourself really well, and you’re good at being open. I’ve never been like that. I never knew how, it makes me uncomfortable. But you’re my,” he swallows, “You were my wife, I should’ve been comfortable being emotional with you. You shouldn’t have been in a position where me being home was the same as me being gone for days on end.”

“Thanks, Chil,” you smooth a thumb from his knuckle and along his index finger. You glance back up to his face. A sick nostalgia, or perhaps revived affections, rage up from your gut and overdriving your heartbeat. He’s more handsome than you remember.

He shrugs, studying your conjoined hands. As if it’s the last time he’ll see them like this.

It might be.

“What now?” you ask.

“Dunno,” he replies.

Is it pathetic if you ask to get back together? (YES)

“Want to meet my new coworkers?” he blurts, a vicious red overtaking his face.

This is a step. Where exactly, you’re completely in the dark, but it certainly is a step somewhere new.

“You’re seriously not with that elf, right?”

“Of course, not! What kind of person tries reuniting with their wife while bringing a new girlfriend along?”

“You really want that answer?”

“Oh, fuck you,” he snides, getting down from his chair and holding out a hand to help you down. This time, you take it, and leave his palm in yours as you both exit the bar, “By the way, my old boss is a king now.”

“What?” you gasp, spare hand flying down to smooth out your outfit, “Tell me we’re not going yet! I can look nicer than this!”

“You look pretty like this,” his eyes scrawl over your frame, “Not that it matters, right?”

“Why not?” you frown, “I should at least try to look my best in front of a king.”

“He’s just some guy,” he double-backs suddenly, shaking his head sternly, “I don’t even think he’s attracted to people, I think he’s into monsters. You shouldn’t waste your time.”

Oh!

You smile at your husband widely, “You’re jealous!”

“Not even a little. Why would I be?”

“Exactly,” you pull him into your side by your hand in his, “Why would you be?”

Is it pathetic for him to beg to renew your vows?

Yes.

Does he still plan to?

Yes.

…

“You have a wife?”

“Is that so surprising?” Chilchuck can’t help but preen at the shock, carding a hand through his hair like some pompous dork trying to act too cool for the attention, “Yeah, I’m a taken man.”

Clara, a blonde tallman he usually laughs at rather than with, pesters for more information, “What’s she like?”

Her curiosity makes his skin itch, so he shrugs and tries throwing out answers as fast as they come, “Kind of a space case, and clumsy. But it’s cute…” he scoffs when his party coos and ‘aww’s like he’s some kid talking about a crush rather than a grown man his wife, “She’s really caring, too, it made her a good mom,” Chilchuck clears his throat, if only to smother the sight of his broad grin with his hand, “She’s great.”

“We should meet her,” his black-haired cleric suggests suddenly, “She probably wants to know what group has her husband away from home so often. Hopefully she doesn’t hate us, huh?”

“No,” Chilchuck lowers his hand, still feeling a gentle giddy lap over him like sunlight at the thought of you, “She’s pretty understanding.”

~~~

+ and btw and fyi: i think it’d be cool if the dream was actually terrible and only appeared pleasant cuz laios saved chil, like how marcille remembered having a nice dream after being saves. like if the real dream was coming home from a long job to discover his family horribly murdered <3

[writingsbyzuzu]

lose your soul

boxer! ethan nestor x shy! afab! reader

when ethan, a semi professional boxer, switches gyms, he doesn't expect much from it...until he sees you, and loses his soul in the progress

giving ryan gosling his just desserts as a talented artist because i have fucking loved this song since middle school and people should appreciate his band more

I have a similar concept fic where you're his assistant to high enough by k flay, lmk if you want it

notes: it's the return of feral ethan. all hail feral ethan, your parents are spanish speaking immigrants (this is left so vague so interpret it as the country of your choice) sorry the ending is shit i had no idea how to

warnings: domestic violence mentioned, stalking (ethan is NOT your stalker), mentions of blood, ethan beats up yet another ex boyfriend, vague corruption kink (but not really), dirty talk, lots of it, ethan shoves his fingers in your mouth, SMUT

based on lose your soul by dead man's bones

Oh You're gonna lose your soul, tonight You're gonna lose your soul

By all accounts, it had been a normal night. In the weeks prior, Ethan had switched gyms to practice in, the old one getting too crowded, too many people approaching him and wanting things of him. So he had found a new gym across town. The commute was further, but it was smaller, more private. A lot of his fellow boxers practiced here anyways, so Ethan felt more at home.

That's where he found himself tonight, practicing sparring with his buddies. Something was a little off tonight, though. As far as Ethan was concerned, the owner of the gym and his wife were nice people.

A bit rough around the edges, and didn't speak much, but he went out of his way to make people comfortable, and was a stand up guy. Which was why tonight suddenly became... odd. The owner was shuffling back and forth, from the front desk to check his phone, where it was charging, to the windows, peering around into the street.

Ethan watches the owner for a second, before lifting his hand up to tell Daniel, who was in the ring with him, to stop moving. He and Daniel give the owner their full attention, watching the owner walk back and forth.

"You alright, boss man?" Daniel calls out, also trying to look out onto the street. The owner waves him off, grinning as a vintage car rolls down the street and parks in front of the gym.

Ethan and his friends eye the car curiously, as the owner gets excited, opening the door of the gym.

The car door opens, and out steps what Ethan has to assume is a fucking angel.

When you ask Ethan later on about this moment, he always tells you one thing. The minute you stepped out of the driver's seat, he knew his soul was gone. It had gone to you.

But as of this moment, he was just stuck staring at you, trying to decide if he was hallucinating.

"Dad!" You grin, enveloping the owner into a hug. "Dad?" Daniel and Ethan exclaim at the same time, looking at each other and then back at the scene unfolding.

Your dad beams at you. "Mija! How was the drive, any issues?" He holds your face, absolute pride showing in his. "No, I just needed to pack up some of my bags, unplug my fridge, and then I was off! Sorry, I'm so late."

"I'm just glad you're here. Come on in, it's blazing out here." Your dad ushers you in. You step inside, and Ethan notes how the older boxers and the old comers greet you, as if they had known you long before this day. You greet everyone quietly, giving a small wave.

Ethan continues to stare you down, watching as your dad and you approach. You almost borderline hide behind your dad, looking down at your shoes. Your dad approaches Ethan's group, grinning from ear to ear. "Gentlemen, this is my daughter. She's now a senior at Yale, in astro...astro...ay, mija, help me out here." Your dad gently nudges you.

You look up, your eyelashes batting in a way that makes Ethan's mouth go dry. "Astrophysics," you smile nervously. He grins. "That must be a lot of work." You nod, eyeing him slightly before looking back at your shoes. "We're proud of her. Anyways, she's home for break, so she's going to be helping out around here, making sure things stay up and running when the missus and I go out of town to see family, so make sure to make her feel welcome." Your dad wraps an arm around you, nodding.

Ethan continues to watch you, as you nervously fidget. Cute, he thinks, how shy you are. Daniel winks at you, leaning against the ropes. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you," he says with a smirk. You blush at the interaction.

Ethan suddenly without provocation wanted to rip Daniel into shreds.

"Hey!" your dad exclaims, "my daughter is off limits to you lot, I see how you live, absolutely not. I refuse to let her be tainted by your ways." His tone comes out as playful, but there was a warning laying just underneath.

"C'mon hun, Lefty's going to be excited to see you." Your dad ushers you away to go say hi to an older boxer in the corner. "It's nice to meet you," Ethan calls out, watching you walk away. You turn back to look at him, a small smile on your lips.

He doesn't miss how your gaze lingers on him, too.

You're gonna lose your soul Tonight, tonight

Ethan found himself at that gym nearly every day now. He convinced himself that it would be good for him, practice would help him perfect his art and win more matches. And of course, overworking his muscles had its benefits.

He got to see you.

You weren't at the gym every day, but when you were, he would usually see you sitting at that front desk, scribbling away or doing paperwork, or you would be somewhere in the gym, folding towels, offering water, etc.

It was the highlight of his day, even though you were still incredibly quiet.

Wanting to take a break after sparring for an hour, he takes off his gloves, and looks around. There you were, at the desk, books open, writing. He looks for your father, who's helping someone else train. Perfect.

He saunters over to the desk, putting his hands on it, and gently calls your name to get your attention.

"Oh! Hi, Ethan," you look up at him almost nervously, smiling slightly. It was rare for anyone who weren't your parents to make eye contact with you, so Ethan felt incredibly lucky with how you always looked up at him anytime he greeted you, even if it was for a fleeting moment.

Your cheeks were slightly tinged with pink as you look back down at your books and notes. Ethan always enjoyed that aspect, too.

"What are you working on?"

"Paper. Particle physics." He looks at you with a state of confusion, and you continue. "It's the study of particles and forces that make up matter and radiation. Huge component of studying space and how planets and black holes and other stuff are made."

"And you're writing a paper right now?" You nod at him, holding up your journal. "It's summer! And you're working at your pop's place and doing homework, you should be out partying, making friends."

You giggle softly, and Ethan for a moment is on cloud 9. "I have friends at Yale...What about you? You're close to my age, why didn't you go to school?"

Ethan pauses for a moment, hands leaving the desk. "Boxing is my passion. I didn't really care much for school, but being in the ring is a good feeling. I imagine it's the same for you when you...solve really hard math equations?" He takes a stab at guessing, unsure what it really was you did. The first time he asked, all you had said was rocket science, so he assumed math was in there.

"Yeah, I do math."

He nods, then continues. "Boxing is my number one priority in life."

"Do you think it'll always be your number one priority?"

He leans onto the desk, getting within your eyesight again.

"I think it could change, if certain things happen," he whispers. The two of you maintain eye contact for a moment, his face holding a gentle smile. You look almost star struck by him, and he thinks to himself that he might really have a shot. Your dad, oblivious to the situation, comes up to the desk, killing the moment, entirely. Ethan stands up straight, and the cute expression he loved was wiped off your face entirely. "Should get back to quarks," you mumble.

Ethan nods, and your dad pats his back. "Nestor! Did you need anything?"

"Just wanted to say hi," he smiles politely.

"Hi," you whisper, continuing to stare at the papers and books below you. He heads back to the ring, shaking his head. He'll try again tomorrow, he thinks. So he does.

Oh You're gonna lose control, tonight You're gonna lose control

Your father and your mother had gone to visit family from their home country, leaving you in charge of the gym for two months.

Ethan had spent every day going up to the desk, and you were gradually warming up to him, little by little.

But then Henry Alexander showed up.

It was a particularly sweltering June day, and Ethan was standing in front of a fan, sipping water, when a tall blonde man carrying a bouquet entered the gym.

Ethan's blood ran cold.

Who the fuck was this guy?

You hadn't noticed yet, typing away. He was too far away to hear, but he could see the man saying your name. You look up, but instead of seeming happy, or a usual shy reaction that Ethan would get from you after a bout of flirting, your face turned pale.

Ethan scrunched his face up. Why were you so afraid? He wouldn't wait long to find out.

Lefty had been exiting the restroom at that exact moment, and standing next to Ethan, looked up to the scene unfolding at the desk.

"Oh fuck no," Lefty grumbled, and within seconds, had bounded up to the desk and began to yell. "Oh Henry Alexander, I know you did not just walk into the gym to harass this young lady. Where do you get off on this? Do you not remember what happened last time?"

"Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what I can do with my girl?" the blonde man spats out, trying to sadly square up with Lefty.

"Your girl? You mean the one you used to push around? She hasn't been your girl since we kicked your ass, and she should have never been your girl, get out." With that, Lefty grabs the man by his shirt, and throws him out the door. "Don't come back unless you want your ass to be beat," Lefty spits out, shutting the door.

Ethan looks back at you, tears streaming down your face, everyone looking at the scene that unfurled. He comes over to the desk. "Hey are you alright?" He goes to touch your shoulder, but you move away from his touch, an action that wounds him just a little. "Yeah, I'm fine," you cry out, trying to wipe your eyes.

"Are you sure, could I do anything for you-"

"Ethan, I'm fucking fine, give me space, please," you plead, hiding your head in your arms. Lefty pulls at Ethan's elbow. "C'mon man, let's take a walk." Ethan shakes his head, trying to stand his ground. He needs you to know he's here for you, he can help you when you need him. "Son, you aren't going to do much for her right now, let her breathe. Let's take a walk." Ethan is finally convinced to move, and he and Lefty stroll to the back of the gym, with Ethan continuing to watch you over his shoulder.

Lefty looks at Ethan and then back at you, before speaking. "Look man, I'm going to tell you this story once, because the little miss is like family to me, and because I know you're sweet on her-"

Ethan opens his mouth to protest, but a withering stare shoots him down. "Everyone has noticed, son. And I'm telling you this as both context and a warning. A few years ago, that boy, Henry, he started taking little miss out. Only after a while, he started... being cruel."

Ethan fills with rage. Someone treated you horribly, and he couldn't stand for that. "Cruel how?" he spits out, trying to breathe. "First came the yelling, the insults. Then came bruising. She came home one night with a black eye, and that was enough for her father to send us after him. He stopped touching her, but he followed her for months after that, till she went back to school."

"How can he, I mean how can he get away with that? How can he get away with hurting her?" Ethan wanted to chase after the blonde and put him in the grave. He looks back at you, so small and sweet and scared. He'd protect you with his life if he had to. How could anyone think of hurting you?

"His dad's a lawyer. But I'm telling you now, boy, I know your kind, and if you ever think of it, I will put you in the grave. I can only scare the runt, but I'd kill you."

The idea of it was inconceivable to Ethan.

You're gonna lose control Tonight, tonight, tonight

Henry Alexander kept coming around.

At first, it was just walking around the block around the gym, almost as if he was taunting you. But some of the other boxers had seen, and after a few threats and some stares, Henry had stopped.

Not for long, however. Then it ramped up constantly. You couldn't do anything by yourself. He followed you from place to place.

But as long as the gym had people in it, you were safe, for now.

You weren't sure how it started, but Ethan would walk you back and forth in the mornings and evenings, if he didn't have a match. It was safer for you, and besides, you felt the most comfortable with his presence out of all the boxers. You still kept up the walls.

Ethan was a sweet guy, sure, and you thought he was actually pretty cute. But there was a time when you thought your ex was sweet too, and now you had to have a semi professional boxer walk you around every day. So maybe it would be for the best if Ethan didn't get too close.

I get up in the morning to the beat of the drum, I get up to this feeling, keeps me on the run

Ethan had settled into a routine these past few weeks.

It was all about making sure someone was always there, because Henry would also always be there. And Ethan couldn't let anything happen to you. Lefty had trusted him to protect you. Your father, after a few phone calls, trusted the boxers to protect you.

So he was always on the lookout.

I get up in the morning, put my dreams away I get up, I get up, I get up again

He had shelved the thought after a while of taking you out. Ethan had understood, really. How could you want to? With an ex terrifying you, dating would be the last thing on your mind.

But he still dreamt about it.

On your walks together, he'd imagine a version of yourselves, holding hands, laughing. He'd kiss you goodnight and hold you.

But then he would wake up and do none of those things. But as long as you were safe, he'd continue the routine.

Oh, you're gonna lose your soul, tonight You're gonna lose your soul, you're gonna lose your soul tonight, tonight

The gym was abnormally empty for the fourth of July. Normally, you would close it, but you had a soft spot for people who didn't have anywhere to go for the holidays, so you opted to keep it open.Other than a few people trickling in and out, it was empty.

What a mistake you had made.

Ethan had only gone to the bathroom for a moment. That's it. He had his eyes off of you a minute. He had just needed to go to the bathroom.

He had been washing his hands when he heard you scream his name.

Ice in his veins, within seconds he was back in the main room. Henry was dragging you across the gym floor, your arms outstretched for Ethan.

"Let go of her." Henry stops. "No, I don't think I will," he shakes his head. "You see, this belongs to me. And I think I'll keep her."

"Let her go now." Ethan's teeth are gritted, and his hands balled up into fists. "What are you going to fucking do about it?"

Oh, you're gonna lose control, tonight You're gonna lose control

Ethan lunges, and Henry drops you, your head hitting the floor. You hear a sickening crack, and Henry drops next to you, wailing. He doesn't wail for long though, as you turn your head to see Ethan scrambling on top of Henry, punching him repetitively. Blood splatters on the gym mats. "Ethan, stop. Ethan, you're going to kill him," you murmur.

Ethan pauses, eyeing you. You're bleeding from your temple, your forehead split from where you were dropped.

His stomach drops for the second time tonight.

"No no no, baby," he cries, clamoring over Henry to get to you. "You're hurt, shit, baby, hold on, okay? I'm going to call you help."

Your vision gets spotty, and your eyes fight to shut, the concussion becoming more and more apparent.

You reach for Ethan weakly. "You saved me."

"I'll always save you. Wait, just, stay awake for me, please."

You're gonna lose control Tonight, tonight, tonight

Looking at you in the hospital bed made him want to rip Henry Alexander's jaw off. To Ethan's credit, he had shattered it pretty badly.

He had been worried he was going to be hauled off to jail, but quite frankly, attacking a Dean's List astrophysics student from Yale did not bode well for Henry, and after threats between his lawyer and Henry's any attempt of charges were thrown out the window.

So there Ethan sat, watching you like a hawk.

"You don't have to keep sitting there you know. You can go home," you smile. "No way. I left you out of my sight, and look what happened," he gestures to your head. "You protected me to the point where I don't think I'm in any danger anymore. You almost killed him."

"I'd do it again." It slips out of his mouth without hesitation. "Which part?" "All of it. I'd always protect you if you needed me. It's why I walked you home. It's why I beat the hell out of that guy."

"But why me?"

I get up in the morning To the beat of the drum

He opens his mouth to speak, but your parents come in. They're fussing over you and checking on you immediately. As your mother combs the hair out of your face, Ethan gets up out of the chair next to you, shifting to head out the door.

Your dad stops him however. "You saved our daughter. The most precious thing in the world, you saved her. Thank you," he whispers, shoving Ethan into a bone crushing hug. "For that, I owe you anything."

He only lets Ethan go with the promise that he would come around for dinner the following week.

I get up to this feeling Keeps me on the run

Ethan had never really been a man to have dinner with a girl's parents. But then again, Ethan had never really shattered a man's jaw for a girl. You had always been different to him. Since the day he saw you, he would have done anything for you.

So there he stood, a bouquet of flowers in hand, in front of the front door. Your mother opens the door, hugging Ethan. "Come in, come, come." He's ushered into the house, where it smelt nice, and felt...homey. His apartment, cold and clinical, had nothing on this.

Your medals and trophies hung the shelves the home, emphasizing how accomplished you were, and how proud you were. It made him feel...a little dirty. He was so rough around the edges, and you were soft, sweet, smart, talented. All he was good at, he figures, is violence.

And hadn't you experienced that enough?

Maybe the best thing for you was for him to back off.

The dinner was quiet. You kept trying to look at Ethan, but for once, he avoided eye contact with you. You were...upset to say the least. All those walks to and from the gym to the front door, you had developed a crush on Ethan.

And maybe a small part of you feels like you owe him for saving you, sure, but you had already liked him. He called you baby, and that had to have meant something, right?

You guess not. Maybe he just did it out of obligation. When the dinner is over, you pick up the plates, put them in the sink, and then head into your room.

As the door to your room shuts, Ethan stares it down. Your dad shifts in his chair, pushing it. "Son. I have to say, I've noticed something."

Ethan turns to look at your dad, nervous. "I know you've liked my daughter. And I know what I said when you met her, about lifestyles and tainting my daughter. But she's a smart girl. She makes a mistake once or twice, but she picked you. And I think she picked right. I don't think one of your buddies would have carried her into the ambulance. I don't think they would have stayed by her hospital bed. You're a good man, Nestor. Don't be afraid of that. She picked you for a reason."

And with that, Ethan finds himself out on your porch once more.

I get up in the morning, put my dreams away I get up, I get up, I get up again

He fucked up, is all he thinks, eyeing your window. He stands there, deciding what to do.

And he decides to be absolutely insane.

If you could have guessed how the night would end, you wouldn't guess the boxer you had a crush on would crawl into your room from the window.

"Are you insane?" you whisper hiss. "Sorry, sorry." He gets in finally, crash landing onto the carpet. "I fucked up," he mumbles, before clamoring to his feet. You cross your arms. "About what?"

"I like you. A lot."

"You fucked up by liking me?" you look flabbergasted, and Ethan figures he was about 20 seconds before you push him back out the window.

"No!" he borderline shouts, and you shoot him a look. "No," he whisper shouts, repeating himself.

"I thought for a second...I mean look at me. I'm covered in tattoos."

"Lots of people have tattoos. I have a tattoo."

"That's not the po-where do you have a tattoo?" He shakes his head to stop his train of thoughts, then continues speaking. "I fight, quite literally, for a living. I could have nearly killed that man. His jaw had to be wired shut and he'll be eating soup from a straw for months. I don't have anything further than a high school education...and I mean, look at you. Star student. There is a literal wall of achievements in your living room. You go to the Ivy League. I can't envision a world where I am possibly good for you. You heard your dad. I am scared I'll destroy you."

You look away for a moment, processing his words. "He's sipping soup through a straw because he was going to hurt me. You protected me. And there's more to you than boxing. I like you. And I don't think you're going to taint my life, or whatever. You're sweet. You care. You make me laugh. I am not scared of you. I was scared of Henry, but I trust you. And that's my choice to make."

"And if I did ruin you?"

"That's my choice."

Oh, you're gonna lose your soul, tonight

His mouth was on yours in seconds. He grips at your hips like a man starved, pushing you onto the bed. As you flop onto your bed, he looks down at you, panting.

"You know, I've had my eye on you since the first time I saw you," he murmurs. He crawls on top of you onto the bed, kissing you again. When you part again, he sits up, taking his shirt off. You gawk at him, almost in shock. You had always looked out of the corner of your eye when he was doing his training, but man, you never got used to the sight of how good he looked.

"You like what you see?" He cocks an eyebrow, smirking. You nod. "I always thought you were too sweet hearted to think about that, I guess I thought wrong," he murmurs. His hands grip at the edges of your dress. "Can I take your dress off?" he asks.

You nod. "I need you to give me an actual yes, baby," he whispers. "Yes, you can take it off," you respond.

He didn't need to be told twice.

You're gonna lose your soul

His kisses go from your lips to your neck, kissing down until he reaches the nape, sucking just gently enough to not leave a mark.

"I liked you too," you tell him.

"And here I was, worried I'd wreck you, but I already did, didn't I?" he humorlessly chuckles, before continuing. "Watching me as much as I did you, looking at me half naked all the time."

His mouth attaches to the skin above your breasts, leaving purple marks, you cry out at the feeling. Ethan almost immediately shushes you.

"Can't get caught, angel," he rasps, his hand coming to cover your mouth.

You can't exactly pinpoint at what time later on when he took off your bra and panties.

He makes his way down, kissing and sucking on your skin at various points. He takes one leg and hoists it on his shoulder, before quickly moving to move the other leg.

"Try and keep quiet for me, yeah?"

You nod again, and he reaches to gently touch your clit with your thumb for moment, before putting his mouth on it.

To say he was good was the understatement of the century. You had to bite down on your fist to keep from moaning out, with one of his hands fingering you, the other hand holding your hips down.

"You're doing so well for me, so pretty," he whispers against your clit, going to kiss and suck on it once more.

You cum surprisingly quickly after that, nearly bruising your hand with how hard you bite down it. Ethan sits up, your legs still on his shoulder. "Good girl," he states, a wolfish grin appearing. "But I'm not done yet, if that's okay."

"Please."

"Yeah, I ruined you already," he chuckles.

He pulls down his pants and boxers just enough to where his cock springs free, thick and already leaking.

"Got a condom?" he whispers.

You shake your head. "'M on the pill," you respond. His eyes widen at the statement, and he shakes his head. "Dirty girl."

He rubs himself at your entrance, before softly pushing in a little.

You cry out, but he moves a hand to your mouth, sticking the fingers that had fingered you into his mouth. "Baby, I told you, you had to be quiet. Your dad just became convinced I'm good for you, and I'd hate to prove him wrong already."

He pushes himself further in, and you suck down on his fingers.

"Good girl, you got it, just a little more."

After a moment, he pushes further, bottoming out, letting out a grunt.

You're gonna lose your soul, tonight, tonight

It doesn't take him much longer to move, thrusting in and out with a quick pace. "You feel so fucking good," he whispers, watching how your eyes flutter, continuing to suck on his fingers.

"So good for me, yeah?"

He thrusts harder, watching you groan against his fingers. He reaches down to rub your clit, and your hips start lifting up off the bed, which makes him go all the more faster.

"Gimme one more, c'mon baby, I know you can," he taunts.

And so you do.

Ethan finishes pretty quickly after you, with a couple of soft moans, before falling next to you.

Oh (I get up in the morning, To the beat of the drum)

"You okay?" he asks, brushing your hair out of your face. "Yeah, I'm okay. It was good."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," you shake your head. He outstretches his arms to you, and you scoot closer, letting him hold you.

"It was actually the best time I ever had," you whisper.

He kisses the top of your head. "Best time I ever had," he repeats. "You're so goddamn perfect."

You're gonna lose control, tonight (I get up to this feeling, keeps me on the run)

"You're perfect."

Ethan lets out a chuckle at that.

You're gonna lose control (I get up in the morning, put my dreams away)

An hour later, after the kiss goodnight Ethan had dreamt of on all of those walks with you, he crawls out the window and silently heads home, a grin plastered on his face.

"See you tomorrow," he had whispered. "See you, babe."

He really did lose his soul when he met you. But at least he knew it was safe with you, like you were with him.

You're gonna lose control (I get up, I get up, I get up again) Tonight, tonight, tonight,tonight

[boltonplaything]

Ramsay Bolton NSFW Alphabet

A-Aftercare: Ramsay Bolton is not an affectionate man. If he has no regard for you he will just use you until he's satisfied then either leave you in the state that you end up in or kick you out of the room. If he cares for you even a little he will allow you to stay and cuddle.

B- Body part: Ramsay loves every bit of his lovers Body, if he had to pick a favorite though it would probably be your ass. He's the type to spank you and the type to take you from behind. His favorite part of himself would probably be his hands. They're so skilled in all things, flaying, archery, and fingering.

C- Cum: He would love to make an absolute mess of you. Your face, your chest, your back, anywhere. He'd paint you all over or fuck your throat and force you to swallow it all. He would cum inside of you, not caring if he made more bastards. If you two were married however, he would be insatiable, wanting to make you pregnant ASAP.

D- Dirty Secret: This is Ramsay we're talking about the man has no secrets, he will do anything and everything to you and would not be shy about it. The only thing I could see that he wouldn't admit is that he's into praise. Ramsay would want to be told he's doing a good job.

E- Experience: He knows everything there is to know, you name it he's tried it on someone willing or otherwise.

F- Favorite Position: Doggy or Cowgirl. Doggy if he's using you or you're in trouble and Cowgirl if he really cares about you. I also can see him really being into the mating press.

G-Goofy: He's serious the entire time. Deadly serious. If you chuckle or try to crack a joke he's not having fun anymore

H- Hair: He's well groomed, every once in a while he gets too busy and it grows a bit but never much past stubble.

I- Intimacy: During sex? Not a chance, maybe some loving eye contact if you two are a couple but other than that he fucks, he's not here to be mushy and make love.

J- Jack off: If he's horny and you aren't at his immediate disposal then absolutely yes he will, and then once he comes home he'll bend you over and scold you for not being there for him to immediately fuck.

K- kink: the man is outrageously kinky, his favorite kinks though are definitely knife play, primal play, CNC, and maybe even some pet play

L- Location: Anytime, anyplace, if you are there and he wants it he will take it

M- Motivation: Ramsay is always ready to go, after a long day of torturing someone in the dungeon he'll be ready to let out all of that adrenaline, after a hunt he's ready, the second he sees you period...he is ready

N- No: There's nothing this man wouldn't try at least once.

O- Oral: He could and would eat pussy like a man who has been starved, you would have to just lay there in a pool of your own fluids and pray that he gets lockjaw. He also loves when you suck him off, gripping your hair in his hand and forcing you down on his cock with throaty growls.

P- Pace: fast and hard, if you try to ask him to go gentle he may try (if he cares enough) but his primal desire to ravage you will kick in and he will break you in half once more

Q- Quickie: He perfers to have all night with you with all available tools but if he wants you and doesn't have the time to be thorough then yes, he'll bend you over or push you against the nearest surface and fill you with his cum.

R-Risk: He lives for it. If you two get caught...oh well.

S- Stamina: He can go all night, even if he fucks you till his cock will not physically get hard anymore he still has his fingers, and his mouth to work with. He will never only go one round if he has you at his whim.

T- Toys: anything he can implement as a toy, he is on it. Though, he perfers to only use knives and ropes.

U- unfair: Ramsay can either be a very kind man and give you more orgasms than you can handle or edge you for hours until it hurts to even move, he will have you stammering out pleas for your release. He also likes to purposely contradict himself just to give himself the excuse to punish you. He'll tell you he wants you to do something and then when you do it he'll come up with some stipulation he hadn't disclosed and punish you for not following the rules. He likes to be unfair.

V- Vocal: He wants you to scream and cry. He wants everyone to know how good he's giving it to you. As far as he goes, he's a growler. He growls and pants, every once in a while you'll get a moan from him. He'll whisper dirty things in your ear, vile things, and just keep going. Growling after every sentence.

W- Wildcard: He's really into dog terms, breeding terms especially. He wants you to call him master and he wants to call you his little whelping toy. You're his "stubborn bitch" his "Stupid mutt" he loves it, this is what gets him going the most.

X-ray: For how cocky he is you would think it's massive right? No, he's about seven inches but thick. He's an advocate for "size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it" and boy does he know what to do with it.

Y- Yearning: All day everyday, he's always thinking of how and when and where he's going to fuck you that day.

Z- ZZZ: If you guys go for a long time then he may fall asleep but if it's one of those nights where he makes you cum a few times and is finished he'll stay up unable to sleep. He's lowkey an insomniac.

[rnakamura22]

Till Death Do us Part

Minors DNI +18

As you packed up your bags after class ended , you overheard a few girls talking about a new song of a certain K-pop idol group.

“It’s so cool…” “ I make my own rules, wish for the forbidden…” “I am not a doll…”

You scoff to yourself. What a joke! As if these idols know what it is like! You doubted it. If something’s forbidden, you shouldn’t touch it! That’s what makes it forbidden in the first place! Why the hell would you put yourself in danger? And craving for freedom? When not thinking about the circumstances? If the other force was so powerful that you would be crushed to death if you disobey? The thought itself shuddered you.

You walked back home, which was a total pain. Your brother Ran and Rindo, was one of the most feared gang members in Tokyo. Being their litter sister had more difficulties than advantages. Your two brothers harbored little love for you as a sister, but more love as a commodity. You absolutely had no freedom or the chance to make your own choices. Only the Heavens knew what would come if you disobeyed. The meetings with gang members who looked at you in every lewd way possible was absolute torture. It was a miracle that you were still here, not flayed alive.

You also had to deal with jealous girls who were being played by your two brothers. You were very close to screaming at the girls who approached your brothers that they were all idiots who were two steps away from completely ruining themselves and their dignity. Also, you also harbored little feelings toward them as a family since you viewed them more as a monster rather than a brother.

The girls at school envied you for your beauty and having a lone wolf personality, which did appeal to some people yet never made a move on you due to your two brothers. Despite looking like you had no problems in your life, you were always afraid of your two brothers, the trouble of gang members, and feeling like you didn’t have a place that you belonged to. All the more reasons why you hated the K-Pop songs that the girls in your class liked. It just seemed so fake and overused!

The summer of you being 15, Ran and Rindo introduced you to Izana Kurokawa. A dashing man, you admitted. Amethyst eyes, silky sliver white hair. The bad boy vibe that every girl might fall for. Except you.

Izana adored you, but in a fearful way. He would take you home on his motorcycle when he has nothing better to do. You were invited to his apartment when he was in the mood. Your first time was taken by him. He was kind when he wanted to be. He promised every time after sex that when you become 16, you will marry him. “I love you, (y/n), you’re so pretty. I really wish time would fly faster so I can marry you.” That was his phrase used every time.

But he had a horrible temper that couldn’t be controlled. Things were thrown, crashed, and sometimes, Izana brutally hit you with his knuckles where other people couldn’t see. His two-faced personality was getting out of control by the minute, and you were afraid that someday, you would get killed. Kakucho, Izana’s second in command was trying to help you when things were rough. But he couldn’t draw the line because of absolute loyalty to Izana. Ran and Rindo were in a good mood ever since you and Izana started to hang out. Even though you knew, Izana went out with other girls too and you were nothing but a toy.

Having nowhere to run, that was when you met him. Takashi Mistuya. He was handsome, kind, good at cooking and sewing, a gentleman. He was nothing like the other gang members you ever met. Your curfew was very strict and Izana was there in your home most of the time. Your home had become absolute hell, and you spend your time on the nearby park's bench, staring at the people and the atmosphere.

"What's wrong? It's not safe for cute girls like you to be all alone!

One look into his lilac eyes was all it needed.

"Same goes for you, the girls wouldn't leave you alone." you said.

From that day on, you talked with Mitsuya on the bench until the time of curfew approached. He was from a nearby middle school, and you talked with him for what seemed like forever.

"Why do you stay out here so late?"

"My...brothers...they're strict..." you lied. It was Izana, he restricted your freedom while himself being with other girls. You didn't hate him, but you really wished he would get bored with you and leave.

"They have to be...a cute girl like you would make your brothers overprotective...I bet my little sisters would say something like that when they get older!" Mistuya laughed.

You secretly went to his house to meet Luna and Mana when the weekend where Ran, Rindo, and Izana were out on a gang meeting. Luna and Mana both greeted you with open arms.

"Are you big bro's girlfriend?" " She's pretty! We like pretty ladies!" "Hey, knock it off you two!"

You cooked with Mitsuya, helping him with his chores and doing homework together in secret.

“I really hope…. I could see you again.”

“Me too, I hope I can…”

You and Mitsuya both wanted to say the magic word. The unstable relationship between you and him. The spaces you both wanted to fill up and run into each other's arms.

Then one day, you got home to find Izana relaxing on the couch.

"Izana...you're here."　"You've been avoiding me and going out late. Ran and Rindo were both worried about you."

You wanted to scream "Yeah, right!" Ran and Rindo both cared for you as a commodity. As well as Izana, in your mind. If he did love you, why would he go out with other girls? The thought itself disgusted you.

“There's a big battle coming up soon... when we win, I'll create the biggest criminal organization in Japan. Let's get married after that, OK?" Izana said with a sweet smile as he came up closer and hugged you, his arms wrapped around your waist, making it feel like two snakes were slithering up your body.

"Thanks...please don't do anything too dangerous and hurt yourselves OK?" you said and lightly patted Izana on the back.

The next day, you went to the usual place to meet Mitsuya but you discovered something horrifying. Mitsuya’s head was tied with a white roll bandage.

“ What happened!” You ran up to him and lightly touched his head in horror.

“Yeah, I got attacked by Tenjiku yesterday.. it’s nothing” Mitsuya lightly smiled.　

A horrific theory invaded your mind. You wanted to deny it, but you had to face it.

"Mitsuya.. are you in Toman?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Mitsuya smiled in the way you loved.

"I'm.. I'm so sorry... No... it can't be.... " You dropped on the floor, your hand covering your face.

"What's wrong?" Mitsuya lowered his legs, looking worried.

"My brothers...they're Ran and Rindo Haitani."

"What? Your brothers are the Haitanis?"

"They're in Tenjiku... I’m　so sorry...."

”"It's not your fault...I'm not blaming you for anything." Mitsuya lightly smiled.

"Thank you for saying that Mitsuya. I.."

"Wait, let me say it first. I like you, I really like you. Please go out with me."

"I feel the same way. I really like you Mitsuya. You're the first guy I ever really liked. "

You two held each other in your arms and kissed for the first time. It was a kiss that helped you escape from the cruel world.

You told him about your relationship with Izana and your two brothers.

"Kurokawa... that bastard. I've never met him, but he sounds like an asshole. No, he just proved himself an asshole. How could he cheat when he has someone cute and kind like you?" Mitsuya scowled.

"Thank you for saying that... it means a lot." You smiled sadly as you kissed him again.

"I want you to held your heart within Toman. I dedicated myself to Toman."

"....Yeah.... I will. Taka-kun. " You looked to Mitsuya with eyes that had made a decision.

The next day, you heard of Mitsuya and the commanders of Toman attacked by members of Tenjiku.

As you ran to the hospital where Mitsuya was in, you met a blue haired guy who's hair was shaved off.

"Aren't you Haitani's sister?" the boy said angrily.

"Yeah... how's Mitsuya? Is he Ok..." you trembled and asked.

"You came here to spy on him didn't you!! Taka-chan and Smiley-kun are both fatally injured! You approached him to spy on Toman!" The boy yelled.

"No, please!!You got it all wrong, listen.."

"Get out of here!! Don't get close to Taka-chan ever again!!" the boy yelled and you had no choice but to leave from Mitsuya's hospital room.

When you went home, Izana was there putting on a scarlet red tailcoat uniform of Tenjiku spelled with black letters.

"You're back, y/n."

"Hi.."

"We're about to have a big showdown battle, come with us. You'll get to see your darling Mitsuya crushed to shreds."

Izana didn't face you, but his tone was bitter. You dropped your bag in shock.

"Wha...

"You went to see him in the hospital, right? One of the guys told me they saw you leave the hospital. Are you already together? Did you fuck him like the slut you are?"

You said nothing as Izana faced you and cupped your face with his hands harshly. There was a dark glow in his amethyst eyes and his teeth was clenched.

"Come." Izana grabbed your arm harshly and pushed you into the back seat of the car, making you feel like a criminal about to be taken into execution.

When you arrived at the port, your two brothers Ran and Rindo were waiting for you.

"Hey, the rat appears!! Did you already fuck the officers of Toman to let you join their side?"

"Or did you spill the beans about Tenjiku and stayed here to be a spy for Toman? Did you let them gangbang you?"

Ran and Rindo both taunted you. You couldn't take it anymore and looked to the ground.

"Cat got your tongue, little sis? Or did you let Mitsuya kiss you?" Ran approached to you in a fearful way.

"Please.... Just drop it already!! " you spoke in a small tone.

"Why did it have to be Mitsuya?" asked Rindo.

"He's the first guy I ever really liked.... I love him!"

"Bold of you to propose a love for a man who's on the team your boyfriend's about to destroy." Izana came up from the behind and grabbed you by the shoulder. He was smiling but you felt the shudders like you always did, this time more than ever.

He placed his face on your head and wrapped you with both of his arms, slithering under your blouse. You felt the sensation of a snake slithering your body, this time one step away from biting you with his poisonous fangs.

"Izana...you never loved me. You always cheated on me and went out with other girls. You sometimes brutally hit me or threw things about me. I was never anything but a toy to you, weren't I? Do you think I would love someone like that?" You slipped out of Izana's arms and backed away from your brothers and Izana.

Izana thought for a moment and smiled cynically.

"Then what was I to you? A dick you couldn't stand but had to fuck because of your brothers who treated you like trash? And you couldn't run away? I've decided. I'm going to crush Toman, and I'm going to destroy Mitsuya."

The battle started and Mitsuya did came even though he was injured. When he met eyes with you, held tightly in Izana's arms, he gave off a complex expression.

In the end, Tenjiku won.

You couldn't hide your hopelessness. You felt like the arm that was holding you was a chain you couldn't cut off.

Izana pulled you into one of the warehouses, and threw you to the ground.

"You have to be punished, y/n. We have to wait for a little bit, the special guest is yet to come." said coldly, as he started to rip your clothes.

You heard a thump, and turned your face only to see a brutally beaten Mitsuya on the ground, dragged by the office members of Tenjiku.

"We have Mitsuya as the guest of this strip show, so you could never think about cheating with another man again."

"y/n...!..." You heard Mitsuya's anguished cry of your name.

"Please don't look Taka-kun..." All you can do was trying to wiggle so you could escape.

"Hey now, the main star can't run～."

"Think twice before running, y/n. If you try, your lame ass Romeo's life are going to go. " the voice of Ran echoed from your right ear, Rindo from the left.

"You admitted you fucked me because you're afraid of your brothers, right? So, fuck with them to get along, it's my duty to fix my girlfriend's family problems, as your real boyfriend."

"Stop...release y/n..." Mitsuya's cries echoed, right after that his painful scream at the officers kicking his back.

"No, Please stop Izana! I'll do anything, anything! Please!! Stop hurting Taka-kun!!! Please!" You screamed in a woeful way, your blouse and skirt torn off, almost bare naked.

"Hmm...No, entertain us like the slut you are." Izana smiled, making it feel like the devil himself was in the warehouse.

From there, you did not remember clearly. You only remembered your brother's vulgar breaths, Mitsuya's anguished cries and pleas, and you screaming.

"Feel better now, princess? Know what you can say to save you?" said izana, as he picked up your face with his hands while crouching himself on the ground.

"Izana... I'm sorry, I was stupid, I...love you." you pleaded. You could not think of anything else that would save Mitsuya.

"What about Mitsuya?" smiled Izana as he taunted you.

"I don't know him...never met him.." you looked him and his eyes and pleaded.

"Well, you heard what she said, Mitsuya. Looks like your Juliet never existed. Take him away, don't you ever get close to y/n again. I think one hit with a gun would be merciful for a execution, don't you think?"

You startled in shock.

"N..No, Izana, please...please..."

"What's wrong, you said you never met him or knew him. It wouldn't hurt right? Let's get you home and clean up, don't ever let me down again, OK?" Izana smiled as he picked you up bridal style, sealing your freedom and your lover's fate.

"...Yes, Izana." you had no choice but to let yourself go in Izana's arms, pretending not to hear the gunshot.

From that day on, Toman and Tenjiku clashed together to only make a gigantic criminal organization in the end, as Izana said.

He kept his promise and married you when you turned 16, giving birth to his child when you turned 17. Your job was to obey Izana's every command, sitting pretty looking like a porcelain doll for people to gaze and awe over.

Romeo had been long dead outside the warehouse many years ago, Juliet made into a doll for her master, carrying a boy who possessed all of his father's genes both inside and outside and none of yours.

You could not think, and you could not speak. Your heart had been dead and killed long ago in that warehouse along with Romeo.

If only... was all you could dream. If only. If only. That was your only thought as you stepped in the large bathtub full of lukewarm water. As you felt yourself sinking hearing the distant voice of the baby boy's voice crying, you begin to see him. Your Romeo's handsome smile, his sweet voice, his body. You ran up to him and embraced him, which he did the same smiling with all his might.

"I love you, Taka-kun."

"I love you,y/n."

You had managed to meet Mitsuya again, this time without any obstacles. As you kissed him and he kissed you back in the underwater heaven's palace, you felt happiness for the first time in your life.

"Romeo and Juliet...they do get their happy ever after, don't you think so Taka-kun?"

"I do y/n.....you're finally mine where no one will take you away."

"I won't go away. I'll stay with you forever."

As the two looked at each other and smiled, you said the same words together.

"" Till Death do us part.""

[ourladyoflazarus]

"'Cause the first man I killed called me the Devil, and the last boy I killed, the last boy I'll ever love in this world, called me an angel. So that means I'm on the right path. And that means there's so much more fun out there to have. I'm just gettin' started."

i. control (poe) ii. blood in the cut (k. flay) iii. dear god (lawless, sydney wayser) iv. smells like teen spirit (malia j) v. a little wicked (valerie broussard) vi. vampire smile (kyla la grange) vii. dark in my imagination (of verona) viii. monster (dodie) ix. if i had a heart (fever ray) x. show me how to live (audioslave) xi. game of survival (ruelle) xii. trouble (valerie broussard xiii. burn it down (daughter) xiv. paint it, black (ciara) xv. kill of the night (gin wigmore) xvi. i don't belong to you (milck) xvii. no death (mirel wagner) xviii. devil devil (milck)

[skull-earring]

👀

Do you have any song suggestions for Meg 🤔

I will so take suggestions

SMILES

Okay it really depends on like. I think there are a lot of angles you can look at Megaera from and I like exploring all of them so I’ll go through a few.

Here’s my playlist for her (Spotify) I’m gonna explain some of the song choices

So I think the most popular one I see and also the most surface-level is the badass unbreakable front she puts up and for that part you get songs like Blood in the Cut (K. Flay) and Natural (Imagine Dragons). K. Flay is very good for vibes uhh President Has a Sex Tape would go in here too if I wasn’t so incredibly picky about lyrics.

The second aspect of her is like… her inability/unwillingness to show vulnerability that can contribute to that sharp outward persona and makes a lot of the more sensitive/self-aware songs like off the table kind of in my opinion because she’s not one to be outwardly emotionally vulnerable at all. But this is where uh Roadkill comes in I love that song for Megaera because I think it perfectly brings in her want and need for someone to return the care she has for others without actually prioritising herself. This is also uhhh O My Heart, with struggling to keep relationships because she literally just can’t be open enough with someone (I see this with Achilles most, but also a lot with Alecto, and in her conversations with Zag it’s often obvious).

That also leads into my favourite thing ever and that is Megaera’s guard dog theme. Because the thing is Megaera’s main priority - kind of her only priority - is her duty to everyone else. It says in her Codex entry that she’s loyal to Hades, but not actually Hades, she’s loyal to the House itself. And nearly every overheard conversation of hers with someone else is her trying to help someone and doing a very bad job at hiding that she cares about them. And also the whole “I’m only doing this because I have to” “I’d rather be on [Hades’] bad side than yours”. Megaera can literally do less than Cerberus can. Cerberus doesn’t even have to fight Zagreus he can be bribed to let him pass, Megaera doesn’t have that luxury and doesn’t have a choice in killing him, she’s on orders. This is getting very long but trust me okay she’s more guard dog coded than the literal guard dog. So anyway that’s to say that Cop Car, I’m Your Man, Until It Doesn’t Hurt (the “not being allowed to do anything but stay put and do what I’m told”), Bullet with Butterfly Wings, Saint Bernard, a couple more, all that.

And also Giver is for the whole “constantly serving everyone around her and still believes being kind is not her thing”. She’s got that ISTP inferior Fe swag. That’s a different thing.

There’s also the whole oldest sister essentially being “favourited” and “abandoning” her sisters and the guilt that comes with that and having a wall kind of form between you and them and not being able to try and rebuild that relationship because of aforementioned inability to allow yourself to open up and your sisters growing closer to each other and further away from you as a result and there’s probably a lot of songs that go with that whole thing. Who knows though.

Ignore how this immediately derailed and turned into a character analysis post. Basically I go insane over her every day.

[just-like-that-butmakeitgay]

Url Song Name

So the rules of the game are to write one song for every letter in your url, and then tag as many people as there are letters in your url. okay? okay.

Thank for the tag @siriuslythatbitch I love youuuuu

J- Joker by Dax

U- Under Pressure by Queen, David Bowie

S- Saddy Daddy-O by Artimus Wolz

T- TGIF by K. Flay, Tom Morello

L- Love Bites (So Do I) by Halestorm

I- I'll Make a Man Out of You by Peyton Parrish

K- Know No by CHINCHILLA

E- Everybody's Fool by Evanescence

T- Triggered by SkyDxddy

H- Happy Little Pill by Troye Sivan

A- AVA by Natalie Jane

T- Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton

B- Broken World by Ryan Bronson

U- Unholy by Halocene

T- Thing of Beauty by Danger Twins

M- My Heart Will Go On by Corvyx

A- Adore You by Harry Styles

K- Kryptonite (Reloaded) by Jeris Johnson

E- Eve by Precious Pepala

I- I See Red by Everybody Loves an Outlaw

T- The Sound of Silence by Disturbed

G- Going To Hell by The Pretty Reckless

A- All Alone by SkyDxddy

Y- Your Song by Elton John

I am not tagging 24 people haha so I'll just tag a few that I'm curious about their answers. No pressure tags: @fiendishfyre , @bisexualwvtson , @hepalien , @coffeedrgn87

[thegremlininyourcloset]

so. I'm writing a fanfic. (series actually) the first chapter isn't out yet. It's a Kouyou-centric canon divergence au

have some songs that fit the major characters of the series.

keep in mind it's an au, so the songs might not fit the characters in canon.

The songs are selected based off vibes, themes and lyrics.

Ozaki Kouyou

King by Florence + The Machine

LABOUR-the cacophony by Paris Paloma

Oh No! by MARINA

Are You Satisfied? by MARINA

Eleanor Rigby by Cody Fry

Numb Little Bug by Em Beihold

Wait for It by Leslie Odom Jr. and the Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton

Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Lorde

Joke's On You by Charlotte Lawrence

Producer Man by Lyn Lapid

Brutus by The Buttress

Girl With One Eye by Florence + The Machine

Elise

Teacher's Pet by Melanie Martinez

Show & Tell by Melanie Martinez

Control by Halsey

Pure As A Lamb by Baby Bugs

Brave as a Noun by AJJ

idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish

HUMANS by GEN.KLOUD

Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People

Just A Girl by No Doubt

Dance To Forget by Tryhardninja and Nina Zeitlin

Losing My Mind by Mystery Skulls

Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez

Yosano Akiko

NYMPHOLOGY by Melanie Martinez

Man's World by MARINA

Show Your Fangs by The Crane Wives

Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift

All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.

Dream Girl Evil by Florence + The Machine

Army Dreamers-2018 Remaster by Kate Bush

Eat Your Young by Hozier

I Disagree by Poppy

DEATH OF A PREDATOR by Banshee

the AUDACITY by emlyn

the fruits by Paris Paloma

Yumeno Kyuusaku | Q

Body by Mother Mother

Play Destroy by Poppy and Grimes

Disobedient by Steven Universe and Kate Micucci and Michaela Dietz

Lights Out by Mindless Self Indulgence

Problems by Mother Mother

parents by YUNGBLUD

TRRST by IC3PEAK and ZillaKami

Body Terror Song by AJJ

Exorcism by Creep-P

BLAME IT ON THE KIDS by AViVA

Izumi Kyouka

Free by Mother Mother

I Am Not A Robot by MARINA

Hayloft II by Mother Mother

brutal by Olivia Rodrigo

as good a reason by Paris Paloma

The President Has A Sex Tape by K. Flay

Baby Hotline by Jack Stauber's Micropop

Cool Kids by Echosmith

Nakahara Chuuya

Family Line by Conan Gray

Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother

Brand New City by Mitski

Gasoline by Halsey

Bad At Love by Halsey

To Be Human by MARINA

Cigarette Ahegao by Penelope Scott

Lucy Maud Montgomery

Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez

all-american bitch by Olivia Rodrigo

Entropy by Awkward Marina

Discord by The Living Tombstone and Eurobeat Bron

pretty little psycho - by Nightcore (the OG Version)

dumb dumb by mazie

all the good girls go to hell by Billie Eilish

Pantsuit Sasquatch by Mollylele

Wonderland by Caravan Palac

Animal by Sir Chloe

Hello Kitty by Jazmin Bean

Edgar Allan Poe

An Unhealthy Obsession by The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra

Rule #21-Momento Mori by Fish in a Birdcage

Soulless Creatures by AURORA

Charlie's Inferno by That Handsome Devil

overwhelmed by Royal & The Serpent

The Consequence Of Imagination Is Fear by Junie & TheHutFriends

Songs for Everyone

The Fine Print by The Stupendium

Rät by Penelope Scott

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land by MARINA

Bang Bang Bang Bang by Sohodolls

[constellationdewdrops]

i must have mental illness a lot of motivation so i alphabatized + timeline'd a list of albums from @happybirthdayxalbum (one of my gimmicks) under the cut (1995-2024)

timeline:

1995-99 life - the cardigans (march 1 1995) first band on the moon - the cardigans (january 1 1996) hellbilly deluxe - rob zombie (january 1 1998) le tigre - le tigre (january 11 1999) 2005 demon days - gorillaz (may 11 2005) 2005 whatever people say i am, that’s what i’m not - arctic monkeys (jan 23 2006) 2011 my back is killing me baby - car seat headrest (march 26 2011) i hate jazz - mike krol (may 10 2011) camp - childish gambino (november 15 2011) 2012 living while starving (november 22 2012) hawaii: part ii - miracle musical (december 12 2012) 2013 and the ringmaster is pleased to introduce… - a verbal equinox (jan 19 2013) finite form - jack stauber (march 18 2013) monomania - car seat headrest (august 1 2013) nervous young man - car seat headrest (august 23 2013) am - arctic monkeys (september 9 2013) 2014 how to leave town - car seat headrest (october 31 2014) 2015 life rips - mommy long legs (march 13 2015) everything is a lot - will wood and the tapeworms (may 20 2015) gawk - vundabar (july 24 2015) punk rocks for kids who can’t skate - destructo disk (aug 1 2015) self-ish - will wood and the tapeworms (august 23 2015) teens of style - car seat headrest (october 30 2015) 2016 who really cares - tv girl (feb 25 2016) spirit phone - lemon demon (feb 29 2016) Teens of denial - car seat headrest (may 20 2016) “awake, my love!” - childish gambino (december 2 2016) 2017 maggot - dazey and the scouts (april 13 2017) 2018 twin fantasy ftf - car seat headrest (feb 16 2018) peace and quiet - awfultune (april 2 2018) volume 1 - amigo the devil (may 4 2018) puppy luv - awfultune (june 3 2018) try your best - mommy long legs (june 22 2018) the great tale of how i ruined it all - jhariah (august 10 2018) make room - destroy boys (october 19 2018) obnoxious liberal: the musical - rio romeo (november 25 2018) 2019 micheal - awfultune (january 19 2019) i want to be normal - awfultune (feb 28 2019) recently - liana flores (april 10 2019) 21 - awfultune (july 2 2019) the fall of hobo johnson - hobo johnson (september 13 2019) unreleased demos - awfultune (december 17 2019) 2020 splittsville - teddy hyde (january 4 2020) kid krow - conan gray (march 20 2020) 3.15.20 by childish gambino (march 20 2020) making a door less open - car seat headrest (may 1 2020) the normal album - will wood (july 10 2020) layla - awfultune (july 28 2020) punch me! this is a nightmare! - yasmin nur (september 19 2020) party favors - sir chloe (october 23 2020) dear sarah - awfultune (december 2 2020) 2021 ok orchestra - ajr (march 26 2021) juno goes to the big house - sorry mom (april 20 2021) middle of a stage - kevinkempt (july 9 2021) a beginner’s guide to faking your death - jhariah (july 23 2021) loudmouth - vial (july 30 2021) fuck these fuckin facists - the muslims (september 24 2021) thinking about bugs - criKet (november 12 2021) 2022 eden - awfultune (april 29 2022) two fictitious stories (alongside mine) - kevinkempt (july 8 2022) “in case i make it,” - will wood (july 29 2022) honeybee table at the butterfly feast - teen suicide (august 26 2022) suckerpunch - chloe moriondo (october 7 2022) 2023 in case i die - will wood (january 13 2023) babyface - sorry mom (may 12 2023) grapes upon the vine - tv girl (june 30 2023) You are who you hang out with - the front bottoms (august 4 2023) mono - k. flay (september 15 2023) good god! - rio romeo (september 23 2023) girl’s night - penelope scott (november 3 2023) can i have your attention? - kevinkempt (november 10 2023) 2024 someone to forget - kevinkempt (april 3 2024) trust ceremony - jhariah (april 19 2024)

alphabatized:

A

and the ringmaster is pleased to introduce… - a verbal equinox (jan 19 2013)

a beginner’s guide to faking your death - jhariah (july 23 2021)

am - arctic monkeys (september 9 2013)

“awake, my love!” - childish gambino (december 2 2016)

B

babyface - sorry mom (may 12 2023)

C

can i have your attention? - kevinkempt (november 10 2023)

camp - childish gambino (november 15 2011)

D

demon days - gorillaz (may 11 2005)

dear sarah - awfultune (december 2 2020)

E

everything is a lot - will wood and the tapeworms (may 20 2015)

eden - awfultune (april 29 2022)

F

finite form - jack stauber (march 18 2013)

fuck these fuckin facists - the muslims (september 24 2021)

first band on the moon - the cardigans (january 1 1996)

G

grapes upon the vine - tv girl (june 30 2023)

gawk - vundabar (july 24 2015)

good god! - rio romeo (september 23 2023)

girl’s night - penelope scott (november 3 2023)

H

honeybee table at the butterfly feast - teen suicide (august 26 2022)

how to leave town - car seat headrest (october 31 2014)

hawaii: part ii - miracle musical (december 12 2012)

hellbilly deluxe - rob zombie (january 1 1998)

I

i hate jazz - mike krol (may 10 2011)

“in case i make it,” - will wood (july 29 2022)

in case i die - will wood (january 13 2023)

i want to be normal - awfultune (feb 28 2019)

J

juno goes to the big house - sorry mom (april 20 2021)

K

kid krow - conan gray (march 20 2020)

L

life rips - mommy long legs (march 13 2015)

life - the cardigans (march 1 1995)

layla - awfultune (july 28 2020)

loudmouth - vial (july 30 2021)

living while starving (november 22 2012)

le tigre - le tigre (january 11 1999)

M

making a door less open - car seat headrest (may 1 2020)

maggot - dazey and the scouts (april 13 2017)

my back is killing me baby - car seat headrest (march 26 2011)

middle of a stage - kevinkempt (july 9 2021)

monomania - car seat headrest (august 1 2013)

mono - k. flay (september 15 2023)

make room - destroy boys (october 19 2018)

micheal - awfultune (january 19 2019)

N

nervous young man - car seat headrest (august 23 2013)

O

ok orchestra - ajr (march 26 2021)

obnoxious liberal: the musical - rio romeo (november 25 2018)

P

puppy luv - awfultune (june 3 2018)

peace and quiet - awfultune (april 2 2018)

punk rocks for kids who can’t skate - destructo disk (aug 1 2015)

punch me! this is a nightmare! - yasmin nur (september 19 2020)

party favors - sir chloe (october 23 2020)

R

recently - liana flores (april 10 2019)

S

spirit phone - lemon demon (feb 29 2016)

self-ish - will wood and the tapeworms (august 23 2015)

suckerpunch - chloe moriondo (october 7 2022)

splittsville - teddy hyde (january 4 2020)

someone to forget - kevinkempt (april 3 2024)

T

Teens of denial - car seat headrest (may 20 2016)

twin fantasy ftf - car seat headrest (feb 16 2018)

try your best - mommy long legs (june 22 2018)

two fictitious stories (alongside mine) - kevinkempt (july 8 2022)

the normal album - will wood (july 10 2020)

the great tale of how i ruined it all - jhariah (august 10 2018)

the fall of hobo johnson - hobo johnson (september 13 2019)

teens of style - car seat headrest (october 30 2015)

thinking about bugs - criKet (november 12 2021)

trust ceremony - jhariah (april 19 2024)

U

unreleased demos - awfultune (december 17 2019)

V

volume 1 - amigo the devil (may 4 2018)

W

who really cares - tv girl (feb 25 2016)

whatever people say i am, that’s what i’m not - arctic monkeys (jan 23 2006)

Y

You are who you hang out with - the front bottoms (august 4 2023)

Z

Numbers

21 - awfultune (july 2 2019)

3.15.20 by childish gambino (march 20 2020)

[primewritessmut]

symbrock, both if you want 4, 5, 21, 22, 23, 25

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Honestly? I would love to play a video game of a down trodden man befriending a blood-thirsty alien that shares his body. Is it an RPG? A horror? A dating sim?

YES

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Goddamn you.

You know music is my weak area as a patron of the silences. Which means that songs don’t just come to my mind when I think of characters. However, I’m going to go find something. Just… hold on. It’s going to take me at least 30 minutes.

High Enough — K Flay

Go With the Flow — QotSA

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Monsterfucking, baby. There are so many things you can do when one of the characters is just goo and I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.

If you want me to be actually serious, there’s something about being fully known by someone else that’s always really compelling to me. Regardless of where the canon comes from (comics, movies, cartoons), it’s clear that the symbiote and Eddie understand each other on a level that’s… beyond. It’s a big part of why I’m drawn to the characters that I’m drawn to, I think, and these two are not an exception.

I don’t like being constrained by the symbiotes method of communication. A lot of the symbiote’s communication in the comics is non-verbal (at least to us, the readers) and it’s SO FUCKING HARD to write. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to eventually create a fic like that — I got close, once — it just means that it’s hard.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I’m not much of a fic reader BUT I like it when Symbrock fics deal with the moral dilemma that Eddie has to face in regards to eating people. It’s sort of glossed over in the comics and completely ignored in the movies, but the realities of sharing a body with an alien that eats human brains is so interesting and I love it when writers tackle it head on.

Sort of on the flip side, I think it’s too easy to humanize the symbiote in a way that fundamentally changes what their relationship is/can be. When Venom is too human, I don’t particularly enjoy it. I want my cosmic space horror to retain some of their cosmic space horrorness. (Although, I’m sure I’m guilty of this to some extent, too. Like I said, it’s easy to do.)

23. Favorite picture of this character?

What can I say? I’m a sucker for the symbiote acting as clothing and Eddie’s heavy himbo energy.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Initially, I thought Eddie was just living a “boy meets parasite, hijinks ensue” kind of life. And, don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to write that energy. But the deeper you dive into these two, the more entangled they are in ways that border on obsession and possession. On both sides.

Their story is a lot darker than I thought at first which was absolutely not a deterrent. Obviously.

Someday, I’m going to write the dangerously co-dependent fic of my dreams. But not today.

[lowerqualityrp]

five songs that remind you of your muse.

tagged: @strongfuck (thanks king *insert jack fingerguns*) tagging: @digicloner @envyei @auroradicit (Sabi?) @therelignedstars and you!

Angel- Theory of A Deadman

I'm in love with an angel who's afraid of the light Her halo is broken but there's fight in her eyes Walls are built to keep us safe Until they're crashing down Worlds apart we were the same Until you hit the ground Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm weak Maybe I'm blinded by what I see You wanted a soldier but it wasn't me 'Cause I could never set you free So fly on your own It's time I let you go

Honestly, the whole song is very Jack, but this part especially resonates as him. Jack without a doubt loves Angel, but he also just as obviously hates the siren that she is. He kept her in a bubble to both use her siren abilities to fulfill his goal of eradicating all bandits while also "protecting" her from herself. Jack becomes so wrapped up in his mission that he ends up not only hurting Angel to the point she asks the hunters to do what she does during the story of BL2 (if you know the scene you'll know what I'm talking about), but destroying any possibility of a relationship they might have been able to salvage at one point. Angel was the pinnacle of Jack's life as John, and was still such even as Handsome Jack, but the way he demonstrated was cruel. As much as it may have seemed he didn't love her, his immediate reaction to aforementioned scene (the murder immediately after) as well as how he handles talking about Angel with Rhys in TFBL are significant indicators that he did and does love her, his hate for sirens, bandits, etc. just "blinded [him] by what [he] sees".

Rest In Peace- Dorothy

Blood on my hands, what's done is done Left you by the road with the crows in the dust Heart so hollow deep as a cave One day I'll be dancing on your grave Taking it back the life you stole Every little piece you took of my soul Now I lay you down to sleep And pray with the devil You rest in peace

Truthfully, this bit especially feels like Jack's whole view on his mission. He does genuinely see himself as the hero and will do whatever it takes to achieve it. He'll kill, use, manipulate, destroy anyone and everyone he needs to in order to bring "peace" to Pandora. Jack killed everything that made him John in order to do this, too.

Fabulous- HSM2

I want fabulous, That is my simple request, All things fabulous, Bigger and better and best, I need something inspiring to help me get along, I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?

One of the first things Jack ever talks about is his Diamond Horse, Butt Stallion. This man literally wants fabulous. Tell me I'm wrong.

Victorious- Panic! At The Disco

Double bubble disco queen Headed to the guillotine Skin as cool as Steve McQueen Let me be your killer king It hurts until it stops We will love until it's not I'm a killing spree in white Eyes like broken Christmas lights My touch is black and poisonous And nothing like my punch drunk kiss

Firstly, Jack's always considered himself the winner. There is no doubt in his mind that he'll reign victorious with the vault and his warrior. Everything he does, he does with the certainty of winning. Secondly, parts of the lyrics like "we will love until it's not" are very true to his relationships. When Jack loves, he loves hard. Even when it ends, the only people safe from his wrath are those he'd ever loved to begin with.

Blood in the Cut- K. Flay

Guess I'm contagious, it'd be safest if you ran Fuck, that's what they all just end up doing in the end Take my car and paint it black Take my arm, break it in half Say something, do it soon It's too quiet in this room

This also hits on Jack's love life. We see throughout his canon that the only successful relationship he had was with his first wife. His second wife ran when she found out about Angel. His relationships with Nisha and Moxxi failed, too, and quite seemingly incredibly badly. Jack's life before and after the incident with Angel and the turret was filled with betrayal, abandonment, and loss to the point where he keeps people at bay so they can't hurt him.

Bonus Track: Hate Me-Blue October

Hate me today Hate me tomorrow Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you Hate me in ways Yeah, ways hard to swallow Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

This one is more of a "John" track. He's failed Angel and his late, first wife, he knows this. That's part of what drives him to such an unhinged, mass-murdering, megalomaniac. He's done many unforgiveable things, but, to him, nothing is as unforgiveable as failing the two people who meant the world to him. Because John failed at protecting his loved ones, his psyche began to corrode and Handsome Jack was born.

[so-scarlet-it-was-maroon]

10 Lyrics for Each Character

SAM LOCKHART

“If I was some paint, did it splatter on a promising grown man? And if I was a child, did it matter if you got to wash your hands? (...) Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first." (Taylor Swift - Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve)

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me. At tea time, everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the antihero.” (Taylor Swift - Antihero)

“You drew up some good faith treaties. I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone. You said I have to trust more freely, but diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire. And maybe it's the past that's talkin', screamin' from the crypt, tellin' me to punish you for things you never did.” (Taylor Swift - The Great War)

“Guess I’m contagious, it’d be safest if you ran. Fuck, that’s what they all just end up doing in the end.” (K Flay - Blood In The Cut)

“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, you were bigger than the whole sky, you were more than just a short time. And I've got a lot to pine about, I've got a lot to live without. I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you.” (Taylor Swift - Bigger Than The Whole Sky)

“Left my heart inside a New York City Cab.” (K Flay - Another Round)

“Yeah I hate you, but even for a day I haven’t forgotten you. I miss you, but I’ll erase you now, because doing so hurts less than resenting you. I try to blow you away like white smoke, you who aches my heart, but I can’t let you go yet. The flowers of snow fall and little by little they drift apart. I miss you.” (BTS - Spring Day)

“You drew stars around my scars, but now I’m bleeding.” (Taylor Swift - Cardigan)

“I’ve been the archer and I’ve been the prey, screaming who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? (...) Help me hold onto you.” (Taylor Swift - The Archer)

“I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden. Like daylight.” (Taylor Swift - Daylight)

[cassandralexxx]

Words to create line the under text feature (ie ignore this post unless you want to be assailed with negative vibes)

ok so like i should definitely leave the gc and maybe contact them so that I stop receiving messages about that one church group. Like I just got another email and since like confidentiality the subject line/sender is no longer the name of the church group and is instead just our city name I opened it and like jump scare fr. Like my heart drops and I feel bad every time. like i DONT want to be part of this I’ve confirmed it mentally through self reflection and a lot of internal thought. But they don’t know that. So I can’t blame them for me still getting their stuff. Like I haven’t even officially left the gc k just like muted the slack and changed my settings to always say that I’m away. Like dang it stresses me out seeing it. Like as I always go over I’m still within my faith I just really don’t want to be part of the group like it did make me more sad about myself and that matters to me. It matters the way I view an unchangeable aspect of myself. Anyways yeah those church group people are so lovely like I care for them deeply but I won’t be pulling up to their social or anything. Idk what I’d say if they do reach out to me though. Like idk if I’ll take the oh I’m taking 18 credits and am busy route or if I’ll be honest and be like while y’all are lovely and I’m still Catholic I want to distance myself from this ministry specifically, like I want to be involved in the church community just not this part of it. I hope y’all get that. But then like I can’t explain that it’s for I’m accepting myself reasons and not I’m shunning myself reasons. Like man it’s all so complex and maybe it won’t even come to fruition. But I think it will bc they know me and I’ve attended like two of their birthday parties so it’s not like they don’t know me. They know me so deeply and I don’t want to be known in that way. I think about the way one of the leaders would look at me when I would share my experiences and it’s so deep and personal and I can still feel it now. It is like feeling like being flayed alive ghat level of vulnerability; you can see all of me. I keep going back to “I’ll never be married in the eyes of my God” but that’s not the end all be all And i need to accept that. It’s something I’ve sctively been working on. I had a discussion with my fellow lesbian friend the other day and I mentioned the tie thing I’ve talked about before about me dad and she responded well maybe you can tie your girlfriends tie. And in moment I just said yeah in a sad voice but isn’t that what I want,, kinda of yeah. Like idek where I was going with this but also I do. Anyways wall of text of my inner thoughts bc when do I not. Anyways yeah board game Social email had me feeling unwell this fine Monday evening.

[voxfanta]

TOP 5 SONG ASSOCIATIONS

“A Pill to Crush” by Evalyn

sanity, i feel like i’ve been floating endlessly~ pray for me, ‘cuz i’ve been chasin’ wine with alchemy...

“Can’t Sleep” by K. Flay

maybe i’ve been freakin’ out, movin’ quick, burnin’ the wick at both ends screaming loud, stupid shit scaring all of my old friends fell down on Bedford, hope that it’s not broken safe to say i might’ve had too much of some of these potions...

“Good Day to Be My Dealer” by Kailee Morgue

just got back on my Prozac, still freakin’ out i’m pacin’ ‘round the CVS, god help me now it might be in my head, but i’m running out of friends who can blame ‘em? i can be a lot!

“i can’t get high” by Royal & the Serpent

smoke a J for breakfast only thing that keeps me sane feelin’ kinda reckless don’t you know i’m not okay? i haven’t found anything strong enough days and nights all blur the line without your love

“Hugs Not Drugs (Or Both)” by Brendan MacLean

WE WANT HUGS, NOT DRUGS (or both, if it’s available!) i’ll take two, and you under the table let’s both get drunk and text all of our exes~!

tagged by: LITERALLY NO ONE, STOLE IT FROM THE “FOR YOU” TAB BABY

(disclaimer: the playlist i have for this man is over 120 songs long, these r songs randomly picked from the playlist’s radio. tysm)

[coffeetablettowers]

2022 Spotify Wrapped Listing

Won't Stand Down-Muse

Fire Flies-Gorillaz

Pressure-Muse

Momentary Bliss-Gorillaz

Life Itself-Glass Animals

Follow You-Imagine Dragons

Time is Running Out-Muse

Chalk Tablet Towers-Gorillaz

Tranquilize-The Killers

Propaganda-Muse

Rhinestone Eyes-Gorillaz

Space Cadet-The Technicolors

The Other Side of Paradise-Glass Animals

Shrinking Universe-Muse

Cracker Island-Gorillaz

Zen-X Ambassadors, K. Flay, and Grandson

Ecstatic Baby-Yeasayer

City of Delusion-Muse

Andy, You're a Star-The Killers

Dream-Imagine Dragons

Sleeping Powder-Gorillaz

Undisclosed Desires-Muse

The Foundations of Decay-My Chemical Romance

I Love You But I Love Me More-Marina

Pantherland-Ghost Soul

Panic Station-Muse

Take my Blood-Sun Drug

C'est la vie-Weathers

Monster-Imagine Dragons

MK Ultra-Muse

Man's Man-Swimm

Tequila-ELEL

Dark Disco-King Complex

Algorithm-Muse

Tranz-Gorillaz

Tales of Dominica-Lil Nas X

Mrs. Fahrenheit-Clans, Marathon

Sunburn-Muse

Razorblade-The Strokes

Gold-Imagine Dragons

Souk Eye-Gorillaz

Thought Contagion-Muse

Viva la Vida-Coldplay

The Chills-The New Electric Sound

Get Around It-Midi Matilda

You Make me Feel Like It's Halloween-Muse

Bad Citizen-Hey Geronimo

Heat Waves-Glass Animals

No Place for Lovers-Astronaut

New Born-Muse

Onion Boy-Isaac Dunbar

Promiseland-Mika

Industry Baby-Lil Nas X

Kill or be Killed-Muse

Paper Gangsta-Lady Gaga

Friction-Imagine Dragon

Billy Brown-Mika

Hysteria-Muse

Dare-Gorillaz

No Fools-Attawalpa

Oh No!-Marina

Supremacy-Muse

Magic City-Gorillaz

Loving You Gets Hard-Alexander 23

Emily-Mika

Knights of Cyndonia-Muse

Empire Ants-Gorillaz

Fireworks-Nana the Shrimp

Fuzzy Disco-Talkie

Supermassive Black Hole-Muse

M1 A1-Gorillaz

Numb-8 graves

Love You When I'm Drunk-Mika

Break it to me-Muse

On Melancholy Hill-Gorillaz

Starring Role-Marina

Waterfalls Coming Out of my Mouth-Glass Animals

Darkshines-Muse

5/4-Gorillaz

Too Much-Honeymoan

Laser Guns Up-Simon Curtis

I Belong to You-Muse

Every Plant We Reach is Dead-Gorillaz

Knock it Off-Magic Bronson

Go to Sleep Kimberly-Superet

Dead Inside-Muse

O Green World-Gorillaz

Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)-Mika

Power & Control-Marina

Get up and Fight-Muse

Feel Good Inc.-Gorillaz

Kids-Mika

Bones-Emily Finchum

Survival-Muse

Superfast Jellyfish-Gorillaz

Talk About You-Mika

Dear God-Phantogram

Exo-Politics-Muse

Out of Body-Gorillaz

Lagoon-Favored Nations