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waithyuck · 4 years

Text

TRICKY

pairing: elf! na jaemin x reader (f) **halloweenie special**

genre: smut, supernatural au

word count: 3k

warnings: {OKAY IM PUTTING A WARNING FOR VERY MILD *DUB-CON* BC TECHNICALLY THE READER IS TRICKED , BUT IN THE END OBVIOUSLY CONSENTS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED}, sexual content (fingering, dry humping), explicit language, use of several pet names, possessive behavior and vocabulary, reader just wants to find her damn cat but gets a whole lot more than that, bad attempts at explaining folklore, I’m sorry for any inaccuracies 😬 **ALSO UNEDITED**

a/n: **repost bc tumblr sucks** this is definitely more of my own spin on what I think an elf would be like, so sorry to those of you who are into the lore and stuff 🥺

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~10/14/2020~

~~~~

your grandmother was always a very smart woman, and you knew that very well. so when she told you not to do something, you made sure to NEVER do it.

you lived with her on the very outskirts of your town; your own backyard made up of a very dense forest with enough trees in it to block out almost all sunlight. your bedroom window faced the forest, and every night you were forced to stare at it as you sat at your desk, contemplating what went on in there.

your grandmother repeatedly told you to never go in there, no matter what, ever since you were a child. she would talk about all kinds of crazy things, like witches and faeries, and even elves.

the first time she told you about the dark forest, you were only six years old.

“you can’t go in there, y/n.” she said seriously, crouching before you as you stood in the kitchen with her. “no matter how much it may call you, you can never enter it.”

you didn’t understand, so of course, in typical child fashion, you questioned her.

“well why not?” you shot back, crossing your arms and pouting. she stood back up after looking at you for a second, going back to mixing brownie batter in a large bowl.

“the fae are dangerous creatures. the forest is littered with them, my dear.” she stopped for a moment, gazing out the kitchen window and into the thick gathering of trees and plant life. “the elves will claim you once you enter, and you may never be able to escape again.”

after that, she didn’t say much else to you about it.

at first, you thought she was just trying to scare you into not wandering off, but after a while you began to believe her.

there would be strange noises in the night; like whispers calling out to you from the direction of your window. it creeped you out but you tried to convince yourself it was just your imagination playing tricks on you.

your life continued on like that for years, and eventually it didn’t phase you at all. you were used to the nightly whispers now, and even your cat didn’t seem to mind them, if she could hear them at all.

you never told your grandmother about them, however. she was getting old and you didn’t want to be the reason she had a heart attack, as awful as that sounded.

for being as old as she was, she still got around pretty good, and there were days when she left you along for a good few hours to go out on walks with her other old lady friends.

it was really cute.

today was just like any other day like that; your grandmother left around eleven in the morning to go out, leaving you some breakfast on the counter for when you inevitably stumbled out of your room at one o’clock in the afternoon.

everything seemed normal. you ate in silence and scrolled through your phone at the kitchen table, but then noticed something was right.

looking around you, you noticed your cat was nowhere in sight. she would usually be up on the table sitting and staring at you or rubbing against your leg for no reason, but currently she was nowhere to be found.

at first you just assumed she was sleeping somewhere else, but after eating you searched the house and couldn’t find her anywhere. walking back into the kitchen you happened to glance outside and your heart jumped in your chest.

then you started to panic.

looking out into the backyard you saw her stark white fur disappear into the thick brush of the forest, and you almost screamed out loud at the sight.

“fuck,” you exclaimed, your heart racing and your mind thinking of all the ways to try to get her back. you were always advised to not go into the forest...but you couldn’t let your poor cat who you loved very dearly to get mauled out there by some bigger animal.

you had to go after her.

you mustered you all the courage you had inside you, not bothering to change out of your ratty shorts and t-shirt before shoving your feet in your sneakers. you let out a shaky breath as you walked into your backyard, staring down the darkness of the forest with determination.

as you apprehensively made your way to the very entrance of the brush, you spotted a large crooked stick, and didn’t hesitate to grab it to use as a weapon if necessary.

you didn’t want to be completely defenseless against any supernatural creatures you came across. you had a gut feeling that running into one would be inevitable, and the fear rang like a siren in the back of your mind like a sonata.

the ‘do not enter’ and ‘keep out: danger’ signs did nothing to ease your pounding heart and screaming nerves, but you pressed on regardless. you had to do this, for your stupid cat.

with one large step, you passed the boundary of the trees, the wind picking up as soon as you did. a chill ran down your spine but you kept your legs moving, careful not to break your ankles on any protruding roots. it was incredibly dark, even though the sun was high in the sky, but the leaves of the towering trees cut out almost all light.

you stumbled around aimlessly for what felt like hours, but in reality it had only probably been about 45 minutes before you stopped and took a breather. checking your phone for the time, you felt a pang in your chest when you realized that it was off, and wouldn’t turn back on no matter how hard you tried.

“fuck,” you muttered, fear creeping up on your soul once again. you really didn’t want to be in this forest longer than necessary, and you really seriously contemplated just leaving your cat behind, as horrible as that was.

your eyes gazed around, taking in the trees surrounding you. nothing seemed too out of the ordinary...all though you really though you saw a few small dashes of light fly around you through your periphery. you prayed that they weren’t pixies or fairies of whatever else your grandmother told you about.

you didn’t trust anything, no matter how beautiful or non-threatening they seemed to be on the outside.

“hello there.” a voice spoke out suddenly, causing you to jump and spin around, dropping your makeshift weapon in the process.

your eyes met the sight of a young man who looked to be around your age, with a slightly unsettling smile upon his face. he was almost too handsome; the beauty that emanated from him in waves was incredibly addicting, and you felt the pull of him immediately. it was hard to tear your eyes away, and that scared you.

you had no idea where he had come from, nor did you know how he managed to so quietly sneak up behind you like he did. you definitely would have heard him coming, considering the amount of twigs and leaves littering the ground at your feet.

your heart raced at the possibility of who, or what, he was, your mind trying to go through everything your sweet old grandmother ever told you. some inner part of you already knew what you were dealing with.

“don’t hurt yourself, darling,” the man spoke again, referencing to your mind working in overtime. he took a step forward toward you, and in turn you took a large stumbling step back. he watched you move, chuckling. “I’m jaemin, care to tell me your name?”

“n-no,” you managed to say, your hands clutched at your chest as you tried to calm your racing heart. you swore you saw his eyes flicker a bright aquamarine for a moment before returning back to brown as his smile faltered slightly. It came back a split second later.

“you’re a smart girl,” he purred, most likely realizing that you knew he wasn’t human, inching closer once more. you felt frozen, unable to step back like you truly wanted to, and you willed yourself not to panic. “you know what I am, I presume?”

your lips shook as you opened your mouth to speak, your tongue running over your chapped lips and he watched every single movement, causing your body to shiver.

“I have a-an idea,” you softly whispered, not breaking eye contact as he stopped in front of you. he didn’t say a word, only smiling at you as you stayed frozen in your spot. one word screamed in your mind: elf. you didn’t even have to look at his pointed ears to deduct that. the vibe he gave off was abundantly clear, even if you had never encountered another being of his kind before.

it didn’t feel like he was compelling you; it was more or less your reaction to the immense shock and fear you felt, coming in contact with a creature your grandmother always warned you about.

and it’s all because of your dumb cat.

“l-look dude, I’m just trying to find my cat.” you stated strongly now, holding your ground as best you could as he looked at you intensely, that slightly unsettling smile never leaving his face.

“once it entered the forest it became mine.” he simply retorted, leaning against the tree trunk beside him. “anything that passes the trees here belongs to me…” he paused for a moment, his eyes now glowing a full bright aquamarine, startling you as he seared his gaze through your very soul. “so I guess that means you’re mine as well. how lucky.”

the elf spoke softly, but there was an edge to his tone that made you shiver, paired with his choice of words.

“I-I’m not..” you stuttered, your fists clenched by your sides. was he the ruler of the forest? some sort of elf king?

“you’re not?” he asked, chuckling to himself as he pushed his body from the tree, slowly slithering toward you on his bare feet. “did you not hear what I said? everything in this forest is mine. that includes living creatures,” you had no willpower to move away as he crowded your space, his glowing eyes paralyzing you as his body drew closer and closer. “I wonder what I should do with my new possession.” he smirked to himself, reaching a pale hand out to gently cup your chin, laughing lowly as you instinctively flinched. “you are without a doubt the prettiest thing I’ve seen enter my domain in years, princess. I’ve been waiting for you.”

his last sentence threw you off, but for a moment your brain couldn’t remember the whispers you heard all those years, and it didn’t click. you couldn’t deny that this elf man was attractive; and you couldn’t deny the fact that his voice had your legs weakening with every word he spoke. you cursed yourself mentally for being affected by him, because deep down you were aware of the danger of encountering elves.

thinking back to your cat, you wondered why she would have left the house in the first place. she was lazy and never wanted to really move...unless something was calling her…

your heart seemed to stop beating and your blood ran cold.

“you tr-tricked me…” you said in realization, your eyes widening. “you tricked me into coming in here, using m-my cat!” your voice was panicked and you found it hard to breathe. then, your brain finally figured it out. “you’re the one that’s been whispering to me all these years, aren’t y-you?”

he smiled at you with dark aquamarine eyes, and now you weren’t sure how you were going to get yourself out of this mess.

you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to get out of this mess.

wait, what?, your eyes widened at your own thoughts, where did that come from??

suddenly and without warning, your entire body was grasped in his hold. his hands dominantly gripped your waist and flipped you around so that your front was smacked up against a tree, the sharp bark scratching your cheek as your face was scraped against it.

“you’re my kitty now.” his voice whispered directly into your ear, his breath causing your body to visibly shiver in his hold.

you didn’t mean to whine, you really didn’t, but when he his teeth found your ear and nibbled gently on the skin, you couldn’t hold it in. your legs trembled beneath you as your knees weakened, the feeling of his warm body pressed tightly against your back leaving you wanting more and more.

he pressed deceivingly sweet kisses along your neck, your hands clutching the bark of the tree in response, your nails scratching along the surface. you jolted when you felt his right hand move down your front and nestle between your legs, putting pressure right against your covered center.

“hmm, you want it, don’t you?” he mumbled quietly, his chest rumbling against your back. “your thoughts are so loud, I know you can’t resist me.”

your thighs clenched in anticipation as he ran his long fingers delicately along your core through your shorts, and you let out a breathy whimper in response.

he tsk’d at you, giving your pussy a light slap through the thin fabric before completely drawing it away. “I wanna hear you say yes, kitty.”

his voice was demanding as he spoke, and you couldn’t disobey.

with your eyes glazing over, you gripped the tree trunk tightly and mewled out, “yes!”

you could practically hear him smirk, his chuckling causing you to grow even more wet as he finally slipped his hand down your front and into your shorts. when his long finger reached your bare and sensitive nub, you could help but arch your back, causing your ass to press tightly against his rapidly hardening cock. he groaned right in your ear, his hips bucking and grinding against your behind in time with his strokes against your clit.

“you’re already so wet, darling,” he moaned out, dipping his finger down to circle your entrance. “I could just...slide right in.” with those words, he slipped his index finger into you in one clean movement, his long finger reaching deep inside your pussy.

you cried out when the tip of his finger brushed a sweet spot inside you, and you heard him groan in response, a deep chuckle following.

“good girl,” he muttered, casually slipping his middle finger inside you beside his pointer. the stretch had you throwing you head back, giving him access to your pretty neck. “be as loud as you want, baby. it’s just me, you, and the forest now.”

his hips grinding against your from behind never ceased, and he thrusted his fingers to the same rhythm as his hips. he was literally fingerfucking you; before you knew it he was adding a third finger.

to help with the burn of the stretch, he reached his free hand down and used two fingers to pinch and roll your clit, making you squeeze your eyes shut and clench your teeth at the sudden immense pleasure you were feeling.

it was embarrassing, but you were already so close to reaching your high. you really wanted this feeling to last forever, so you tried to hold it as long as you could.

the noises escaping from you only grew louder the harder he went; the powerful strokes from his hips driving you into the bark of the tree and his fingers plowing deep inside you had you practically screaming.

his lips found your neck and he left wet kisses there, his grains and growls only enhancing your feelings of ecstasy. he sounded like sin, and even though he was an elven boy that you had just stumbled across, you knew you didn’t want him to leave your life. you never wanted to live in a world where you couldn’t hear his moans, and that thought almost terrified you. the effect he was having on you was extremely intense, and you weren’t sure if it was normal, but at this point you were far too gone to care.

“are you gonna cum, kitty?” he strained out, breaking you out of your thought as his hips stuttered against your ass, his fingers still powerfully fucking into you. you could only nod desperately, your throat sore from the guttural sounds you were releasing.

he let out a breathy laugh, causing your walls to flutter around his digits. “then cum. I wanna feel you fucking drench my fingers.”

his words were all it took for you to let go. you screamed as you came, your nails scratching against the tree as your cheek scraped sharply on the bark, most likely drawing blood. your pussy clamped so hard around his fingers that he could barely move them in and out of you, so he drew circles over your clit to help you ride out your orgasm.

his hips pressed tightly against you, and you could feel through your own pants the wet spot on the front of his, indicating that he had cum as well.

after a powerful minute of cumming, you felt your eyes droop in exhaustion almost immediately. jaemin withdrew his fingers from you, wiping your essence on his pants before grouping your waist to keep you from collapsing. you definitely would have fallen if it weren’t for his hold on you.

he gently lowered you to the ground, turning your body so your back was able to rest against the trunk. he wiped at the scratches on your cheek with his thumb, but even though it stung you didn’t have the energy to flinch.

“go to sleep, precious.” he said softly, still stroking your face lovingly. his gentle nature should have set off all of the alarms in your mind and body, but you didn’t have enough energy to care.

in the back of your mind you realized that you probably would never see your cat or your grandmother again, and that you would most likely be trapped in this forest with jaemin for the rest of your days on earth. you didn't want to think about it now, so you took his advice and allowed your eyes to close, dreaming of jaemin and nothing else.

maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

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jennilah · 2 years

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every New Year's Time I like to take a moment to dive back into my diary and reflect on the last 12 months of my life.

You know, Im always worried someone will take this as... gloating or being self centered or something. I just... well, I guess to convince myself that its fine, I've just always loved blogging about my life and goings-on, good and bad. A few years back something happened that made me scared to talk about my life like I used to, and Im still trying to relearn that its ok to be self indulgent on my personal accounts.

And during these year roundups, I like taking the opportunity to expand more on things I kept quiet about, reflect on the big changes, or simply find the good moments in an otherwise rough year. I don't want anyone to compare their life to mine. This is just for fun.

I like reading about whats happening in the people Im following's lives too! I think its nice to stay in the loop like that...

That said... here's my 2021 Year In Review, if you're into that kind of thing

Ill start off by saying at the start of 2021, I was only a month into my new job. I was animating on WandaVision, and I was working entirely from home. It was nice getting some near-immediate gratification seeing our hard work on the screen only a month or so later. (LOOKING AT YOU, TOP GUN MAVERICK, WHICH I WORKED ON 2 YEARS AGO AND IS STILL YET TO COME OUT)

According to my diary early in the year I was still looking for therapists, so I wasn't doing too hot in the mental health department. I have since given up on that search because it was just too expensive, but also I think I am doing a little better now.

I will say, this year was the first year I can think of since.... god, ever? where I haven't had a hyper interest. Meaning, there's things I love dearly, but there's nothing occupying my mind 24/7. Nothing I want to make fanart of until my hands fall off. Nothing I want to read fanfictions of. (I am actually autistic, remember. This is probably the symptom that affects me the most and its been there my whole life. So when I say hyper interest, or special interest, I am not being dramatic. I am using it in the actual autistic spectrum definition) The absence of a current special interest for so long is a little debilitating. I realized, if I'm not daydreaming about something, my mind starts assaulting me with every thing that bothers me in the back of my mind. Especially since my last two special interests "ended" in bad terms. Both SPN and DBH I slowly faded from because of the discourse and hatred being spread among fandom members, my happy memories of both get shoved aside by the discourses and bullying ive seen and things ive read swirling in my head over and over and over and over and over on a repeat I cant stop thinking about it. I dont even know how to phrase it in a way that doesnt sound ridiculous. Trust me, its more frustrating for me than it is cringy for you. Every day, especially when trying to sleep. It's hell, and its one of the things I wanted therapy to help me handle. I'm still struggling with it. I try combating it by literally daydreaming of counting sheep like Im a child.

(so yes ive been a little desperate for my brain to latch onto something new with no drama but it hasnt yet. this is not something i can consciously do.)

But... in these fandomless times I am taking the opportunity to play new games, try to watch new shows, and actually READ SOME BOOKS. With no fanfiction to read before bed, I can actually... read a book. So I read some books. Specifically, The Locked Tomb trilogy (which apparently is gonna have 4 books now? Cool)

I've been enjoying those a lot! Cant wait for the next book. :)

I got to guest-lecture for an online class at my old college, SVA. That was super fun and I hope to do it again sometime! I love guest lecturing! The students don't need you to teach them technical things, they mostly just want advice, to hear your "story", and ask questions about what the industry is like. It's super fun! Always happy to supply that advice and information for any animation student who asks, online or offline.

I attended a zoom wedding, which was wild, but hey, I'm happy for that friend.

I started really getting into plants. My collection expanded quite a bit, and I have been having a lot of fun with that hobby. With no hyperinterest, my brain filled with plants. (I'm pretty sure Im not even joking there.)

Around springtime, I had my first review with my boss and supervisor about my performance. I'd say this was a small turning point. I am a Key Artist at my job, which is the highest rank before becoming a Lead, and I was nervous that I was underperforming because I still felt like a low Mid artist. Thats when they told me I was doing excellently, and I am one of the most reliable animators on the team. If they had any advice for me, it was that I worry and stress too much. (Ha. Yeah....... if that wasn't clear so far)

Anyway... that was an eye opener. Like hey, maybe I'm good at this thing after all.

Yeah. Wanted to keep that ball rolling, though. Hearing something like that only makes me want to work harder. At this time, I was also working on possibly the most fun project I got to animate on in my career so far- it was just SO up my alley and my supervisor really let me run free with my ideas. You'll see later 2022. (Unless it gets pushed)

Oh... got to this part in my diary. Well, this year I was hit with another big low. I lost my beloved pet cat Tiger, who was part of my life since I was 8 years old. Luckily, she lived a long happy life, and she passed peacefully. I was worried I would be wracked by nightmares about it for weeks like when I lost my dog a few years prior, but I think that was because his death was so sudden and so disturbing. I miss them both so much. I still cried so much, and still cry when I think about it too much. (See earlier about my brain attacking me lately. This is one of those things I get mentally assaulted with when trying to sleep) But... I'm ok. I handed it well, I think.

I played Horizon Zero Dawn, loved it. I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with some friends over discord, loved it.

Also, I will say, there was non-stop construction in my apartment building for like... over a year by that point. It was so loud, I had construction grade ear muffs just so I could focus on work or try to take naps. The noise was also incredibly debilitating to my mental state every day, along with my anxieties and covid shit and everything.

Late spring, my studio got together at a park to see each other in person for the first time. That was so nice, I was emotional about it. Clearly I was not having a good time the whole year until then, what with the noise and my anxiety and all. But I had 1 vaccine in my arm by that point, and seeing everyone was so lovely, I remember feeling really good that day.

Well... aside from the part where I almost blacked out.

I rode my kick scooter to the park and when I arrived, my vision got really blurry and I got really dizzy. I still don't know exactly what happened that day, but I was terrified. I thought I was going to ruin the picnic by having to be hospitalized. (yes, literally standing there silently with the group, unable to see, not saying anything, hoping I didnt pass out in front of everyone and ruin the fun)

I don't know what that was about, but it was a wake up call that I think I need to exercise more. I think my body was so used to being sedentary from being locked up in my apartment for a year, that small day of exertion nearly took me the fuck out.

Come June, my year really started turning around.

My application to be a tenant in a new apartment complex was approved! GOODBYE to my shitty old apartment with the cockroaches and construction noise and managers who don't care and water cuts and electric outages and fire alarms and everything.

My overall shittyass mood for a long time started improving with that moment.

I still had to deal with the old building for a few more months, but the new apartment on the horizon kept me goin'.

I also decided to start buying new clothes, better clothes that actually make me feel cute and confident. I love them! Too bad they are really only summer clothes though, so most of them are sitting in the closet until its appropriate to wear them again... but baby steps!

Then I got my second vaccine dose, and coupled with overall very good covid numbers in Montreal, I got to do some things again! I got to go to the movies again, my favorite thing! I got to see some friends again!

And then, I got to work in the office again! I got to talk to people again! I got to separate home from work again! (And I got to get away from the deafening construction noises at home again!)

I was feeling so much better!!!!

Then after some time of blissfulness, working diligently on Joe Pickett (check it out! its out now on Spectrum, and I think its coming out on Paramount+ soon? I think?) my boss called me up. I was a little worried, like oh no maybe I did something wrong- but nope! He offered me a very rare permanent position! (Instead of contract-to-contract, which is the story for most people in the industry here) Very exciting, and felt very nice being valued like that. Also very nice not having to worry about my work permit for as long as I want! (A big stress living abroad)

September and October was MOVING TIME GALORE. I took off time from work to move, and it was a lot of fun. Tiring, but fun. (Especially since because the two buildings were so close, I spent most of the time wheeling my belongings over back and forth in suitcases)

My friends also came over to help me paint, and my parents came up and helped me with the finishing touches. This was the first time I saw my parents since the pandemic started, because the borders finally reopened and everyone was vaccinated, so that was very emotional and very fun. (I am very close with them, and I missed them very much)

The new apartment has been so amazing its actually impressive. I realize now just how much I was settling for SHIT before. The place is so lovely, working from home here isnt even that bad. (I'll get to that in a minute)

Watched some more good shows and good movies. I started my trek into the world of slasher films for the first time, and that has been fun. I caught up on the Scream franchise with the same friends I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with. I loved the movies, but it was made even more fun by watching them with good friends.

Small dip in my mood when my pet fish, Pancakes passed away. It appeared to be from old age and the complications that come with it. She was "just" a fish, but god dammit, I loved my little fish. RIP, tiny friend.

Work was trucking along nicely. Working at the studio and bolstering in-person relationships was going excellently. I quickly made friends with my coworkers, getting to chat with them at lunch and friday afternoons and everything. They are a great group of people, 10/10 goofballs.

I talked to my boss about my progress again, now with nearly a year at the studio under my belt. It went even better than before. He restated that I am still one of the most reliable animators on the team, and he could see me being a Lead in the future and would begin my training the moment I say I want to do it. (I said I am flattered but extremely not ready yet) He also used that opportunity to say that I can come to him if theres any studio issues or changes I want to suggest, because thats how much of a grip I have on the studio, basically. They want to keep me happy as best they can and will try to help in any way.

...interesting...

Haven't really flexed that power yet, but it's there.

Come December, things started getting fishy again.

Things were happy, my brain isn't being attacked quite as much now with some of my daytime anxieties quelled, but... well, as you all must know by now, things started shutting down again.

My christmas trip home was cancelled for a myriad of reasons. I went from graciously knowing only two or three people with Covid over the last two years to now nearly ten at once. Theaters are closed again, bars, clubs, etc, and we are mandated to work from home again...

If I wasn't clear before, I prefer working from a studio. I was crushed. I cried, packing my desk things to work from home for another indeterminate amount of time. To not see my work friends again for another indeterminate amount of time.

The bright side is that working from home made the wintertime a little easier to bear last year, not having to walk in the slush and ice and all, so it should make things easier again this year. And my new apartment is much nicer to sit in all day... but oh well.

And... here we are. Mood has taken a solid hit. But.. trying to look up. Trying to stay hopeful for some nice things next year. Gonna try to reschedule that trip home for when it is warmer and the case count is low again... maybe I can see Top Gun with my family, or that other movie I mentioned. That would be nice.

Yesterday I bought a VR system... very excited about that. Always loved VR and wanted to have a system myself, and finally bought one. I'm excited to finally try out some games I've been wanting to play for a long time.

As for new years resolutions.. I definitely want to try to keep my head up. Continue to find the good in the bad. Also try to exercise more. (Not like serious gym-hitting or anything, but just try some baby steps... hopefully work my way up....)

#hh #hhh #hhhh #hhhhhh #hhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #god how many fuckin tags is it again so ur shit doesnt go public?#whatever man #personal #jennilargh

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nextstopparis · 3 years

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i tried writing this last night but then tumblr deleted it for some reason??? so i am back again lol bc i like to spite the universe and ~push my luck~ ig. ANYWAY. i was thinking of arthurs last (ish) interactions with his parents and it was interesting that in both cases they were ghosts so. i watched the scenes back to back to see if there were any ~parallels~ and lo and behold,,,,,

SO. not that im a film major or anything so i really dont know much. but both uther and ygraine are sort of introduced the same way. they're at a distance and move towards arthur/arthur moves towards them upon revelation that it is, in fact, the parent. but thats not the part about the technical aspect of the scene i want to talk about. i want to talk about this:

(2.08 and 5.03)

the colouring. the whole scene with ygraine (2.08) is in soft yellows and oranges and gives a more or less golden feel. its all warm colours. the scene with uther (5.03) on the other hand, is all bright and harsh lighting. shrouded with white and blue. its all cold colours.

and its just so significant to me because the conversations arthur has with both of them sort of follow each other? and his interaction with both of them is just so... telling. like it follows PERFECTLY with the significance of the lighting decisions. ygraine is warm and motherly with him. uther is cold and direct and more a king than a father. (also, when uther escapse and is in the 'real world' or land of the living or whatever, he's very much still. blue.)

now, there are a few parts of the conversations that i think connect to each other, but lets just start with the introductions:

ARTHUR: Mother.

YGRAINE: My son.

and,

ARTHUR: Father.

UTHER: Arthur.

which like. ok. this one is a bit more whatever. bc i guess its not that big of a deal and i can definitely be reading into it but. but its in the same format regardless of the insignificance and also. its pretty minor but it kind of struck me how ygraine, who wasnt really given the chance to be arthur's parent, immediately calls him "my son" whereas uther, who was given that chance, who had YEARS of being a parent to his child, takes a more formal... "arthur"....

compared together, ygraines greeting feels like a mother finally greeting her son whereas uthers feels like. idek. not a parent seeing/being able to speak to their son for the first time in years, in any case.

anyway, moving on. i won't write out the entire conversations, but basically, with ygraine - arthur apologizes to her because he blames himself for her death, and then is told by ygraine that it isn't his fault and that, actually, it's his father who's to blame.

with uther - arthur tells his father that he thinks of him often, that being king is very lonely and that sometimes he wishes his father was there beside him to ease that loneliness. uther immediately replies to him and says that arthur wouldn't want him at his side, because he would not like the things uther has to say [about his kingship, presumably, although the attack is very much a personal one but like. i digress, i guess].

and then these two conversations happen immediately after:

ARTHUR: What do you mean?

YGRAINE: It is not important. What matters is that you lived.

ARTHUR: Why should my father feel guilty?

YGRAINE: It is better left in the past.

ARTHUR: You cannot leave me with more questions. Please.

YGRAINE: [proceeds to tell him about the conditions of his birth]

compared to,

ARTHUR: What do you mean?

UTHER: [proceeds to tell him what he has to say about his kingship]

hmmm. one is QUITE A BIT shorter than the other one, huh? INTERESTING, huh? now, you're probably thinking. why is it that big of a deal. so let's just. get one thing clear, here. both parents in this situation are fully aware how negatively arthur is going to be affected by the thing they are being asked to speak of. they are both COMPLETELY aware that what they say next is NOT something that arthur will take lightly. they both KNOW that these two things (THAT THEY BOTH BROUGHT UP WITHOUT HIS ASKING but im not even gonna TALK about that part) that they will say to him are going to UPSET HIM. like. really completely shift his views and make him very - probably unimaginably to most people - upset. they are FULLY AWARE OF THIS. to reiterate: they 100% KNOW that their SON who has done EVERYTHING TO JUST TALK TO THEM ONE MORE TIME is going to be distressed in light of whatever it is they are going to say.

and still. uther doesn't hesitate AT ALL. he doesn't backtrack. he doesn't say "well never mind that. how have you been" or whatever. he literally JUMPS at the opportunity, not only to use this LAST CONVERSATION WITH HIS SON to tell him how much of a failure he thinks he is, but to do so FULLY AWARE that it's going to crush him. HE DOESNT FUCKING HESITATE. HELL. YOU CAN ARGUE THAT HE LITERALLY BRINGS IT UP FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF TELLING ARTHUR HOW MUCH HE HASNT MET UTHERS STANDARDS. oh my god. oh my GOD. you don't understand.

ygraine, at least, backtracks. you can see that she regrets bringing it up. you can tell that she realizes "oh, well gee, this is probably the last opportunity i have to speak with my son for a long while, maybe i shouldnt make this experience SO FUCKING NEGATIVE for him. this is important. i need to prioritize making it a GOOD experience for him. there are better ways to spend the (first and) last conversation with your son than telling him things that will only upset and distress him" which is. you know. HOW ANY DECENT PARENT SHOULD FUCKING REACT????? BUT NOT UTHER!!! OH NO. THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOESNT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT ABOUT ARTHUR AT ALL WHATSOEVER. AS LONG AS HE SAYS WHAT HE WANTS TO SAY. AS LONG AS HE THROWS THIS ONE LAST TANTRUM. NOTHING ELSE MATTER. HIS FUCKING SONS EMOTIONS AND MENTAL WELL EBING? FUCK THAT! UTHER DOESN'T CARE!

like. seriously. what the ACTUAL FUCK. you don't even understand this makes me so angry. so im just going to. move on. but just know how fucked up this is and how angry it makes me.

ANYWAY. there's also this parallel that makes me wish i was the one who'd stabbed uther:

YGRAINE: [...] It makes you no less my son, nor me any less proud of you.

compared to,

UTHER: How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything that I taught him, who is destroying my legacy?

which. honestly. is just SO self explanatory in its WHATTHEFUCK-ness that i dont even know what to fucking say. uther KNOWS how much his approval means to his son. he KNOWS how much of a fucking knife to the heart that one sentence is. and he SAYS IT ANYWAY. i also, while typing it out, realized the use of "son". like i find it interesting that ygraine makes it clear that arthur is hers whereas uther calls him "a" son. nothing special, nothing personal. he creates distance there.

it just makes me so fucking angry, especially because like. the last time they spoke. he FINALLY was acting like a fucking father, you know? told him he loved him and that arthur will be a good king/that he's been ready for a long time and this just. this just COMPLETELY undid all of that. this completely took everything back and im so. like this is SO FUCKED UP. god i dont even know how to describe how devastating this must have been to hear and especially with how cruelly uther put it like. how are you going to say this to your fucking kid? how are you going to spend the last few minutes you have talking to you kid, telling him that he's ruined everything just bc he didn't do it *your* way and that you CANT be proud of him. how are you going to do that? what the FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh. anyway. i think you get it.

these two lines i also found very eerily similar to one another (ofc i will explainskjfsj):

ARTHUR [to Ygraine]: You cannot leave me with more questions. Please.

and,

ARTHUR [to Uther]: This... can't be the last time I'll ever see you.

and let me tell you. the 5.03 one breaks me every fucking time. but they're essentially the same plea, to me, because the situation is so similar in both episodes. arthur is given the chance to speak to his parents again, or finally, and he jumps at it. he does anything just to be able to speak to them ONE LAST TIME, to get to know them more, to ask them things, to have their council. arthur reached out to both of his parents in an attempt to just talk to them, and look where that left him.

he's pleading with them to just. please. please don't make this one chance ive taken be in vain. please don't leave me like this. please don't let the last time i talk to you be this. talking to you was supposed to make things better, easier. this can't be the last time i ever see you because its made everything worse. please dont leave me with more questions. please dont leave me with more doubts.

and it just. absolutely CRUSHES ME. god. this poor boy just wanted to see his mom and dad one last time, you know? this child who never really had a parent but always craved the love of one just chased it as far as he could and he's begging both of them to make it worth it and just. GOD. oh my god.

there are other slight parallels too, like:

YGRAINE: Do not let this knowledge change you.

vs,

UTHER: Think about everything that I have said to you. It isn't too late.

which is, lol. complete opposite sides of the spectrum. uthers telling him, he can still change, "you can still make me proud, it isn't too late" and ygraine is saying "don't change, im already proud of you as you are".

theres also:

ARTHUR: I'm so sorry.

YGRAINE: You have nothing to be sorry for.

ARTHUR: It was my birth that caused you to die -

YGRAINE: No, you are not to blame.

ARTHUR: - I cannot bear the thought that you died because of me.

YGRAINE: Do not think that!

which isn't exactly similar, but kind of close, to...

UTHER: It is your duty to strengthen and protect the kingdom. You have failed.

WHICH OK JUST STICK WITH ME FOR A SECOND. i know they dont sound very much alike at all, but they kind of do to me because. one is ygraine completely taking the blame off of arthur's shoulders, while the other is uther putting all of the blame on arthur (and telling him that he's a failure). so like. kind of similar? like ygraine is telling him he's not to blame for her death (even though it was his life that hers was traded for) and uther is telling him that, by ruining UTHERS legacy, camelot is going to be destroyed because of arthur.

finally, the end. i find it interesting that, really, the conversations with uther and ygraine show that uther, more or less, didn't change at all:

YGRAINE: [Uther] sacrificed my life so the Pendragon dynasty could continue.

and,

UTHER: Arthur, no. Please. Everything I've done, I've done for Camelot.

which, as we know from their first convo at the beginning of 5.03, he means for HIS legacy. so, uther never really stopped doing literally everything for himself. anyway.

i think those are all the parallels i could find? i just found it interesting how arthurs last conversations with his parents were so vastly different and yet followed each other so closely. anyway, from now on, I am arthur pendragons parents thanks<3

#sorry i was replying to an anon yesterday #and this hit me #but it got deleted before i could post so... i making a separate post lol !#bbc merlin #merlin meta #uther pendragon #arthur pendragon #ygraine pendragon #uther SUCKS ASS club!!!!

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tuanhood · 4 years

Text

theta

pairing: frat!bambam x reader

genre: smut

warnings: 18+, language, cringey frat stuff, fingering

word count: 4,400+

summary: you haven’t been doing so well in stats, so your tutor - the last person you thought would be teaching you something - recommends giving you an incentive.

a/n: hi guys! i’m a little late... but it’s kinda technically still the weekend? ngl this definitely isn’t my best work and I’m sorry for that because I feel like I’ve been lacking a little bit lately! but i promise that i have a few things in the works that will hopefully be better! but nonetheless enjoY!

“Okay so in a college class, the average IQ is 115. Assuming that the distribution is normal and that the standard deviation is 15. What percentage of the class has an IQ between 105 and 130?”

You felt like you were going to die.

When you were a little girl, you’d fantasize about all the fun and cool things you’d be able to do in college. Stay up late, hang out with your friends all the time, eat whatever you wanted, and take the classes that would help you become the best-selling author you aspired to be.

In all of those daydreams and fantasies, you never pictured yourself in practical agony studying for a statistics class that you never wanted to take in the first place. You were more of an English and critical analysis girl, definitely not a science and math girl. Especially not stats.

You told yourself probably a hundred times throughout the quarter that you could make it through. That you could maybe actually do this, but sometime between weeks three and four you got completely lost and when you received your midterm grade back, you knew you had to ask for help.

“I don’t fucking know,” you exhaled in frustration as you practically slammed your head down onto the table in front of you.

There’s a pause before Bambam lets out a sigh of his own, “let’s come back to that one later then.”

This was how most of your sessions with Bambam went. He’d read the questions out loud to you as if was going to help, hope that you’d be able to solve it – which you typically wouldn’t – and then you’d give up in frustration. Then you’d call it a day.

That was another thing. Another thing that made this whole tutoring thing even worse – you were being tutored by Bambam. As in Bambam of Theta Chi.

As dumb as you felt saying it, but you felt even more pathetic for having to be so terrible at stats that you have to be tutored by a frat boy. Sure he came highly recommended by the people at your school that put together and pair people off for the tutoring sessions, but it didn’t get rid of the pain you felt when you had to tell your friends who exactly was helping you pass stats. Or… at least trying to help.

“Okay, so what is the probability of rolling snake eyes using two fair dice?”

Maybe you were being shallow, but even his voice screamed frat guy and not the master of statistics who is now teaching his peers. You don’t know why but it aggravated you. Traditionally he wasn’t supposed to be good at these kinds of things, someone like you was. It didn’t make sense.

You groaned, your head still on the table, muffled by the surface, “I don’t know? 1/36?”

At your answer, you could feel Bambam straighten up beside you. You had to admit the boy was a trooper for being willing to meet you at your apartment today instead of your usual spot in the library or at Starbucks. You just couldn’t be bothered to make the trek to campus, if you were going to have another agonizing day of probability, deviation, and whatever – it was going to be from the comfort of your living room floor.

“Correct! See Y/N you’re not a lost cause.”

Bringing your head up from the coffee table, you grimace at him, “I never said I was a lost cause.”

His cheeks turned a shade of light pink, clearly embarrassed by his statement, but being the cool and easygoing frat guy, he is – he covers it up, “I know. Dude, I’m just saying, chill.” Leave it to Bambam to cover up any real emotions.

Even though it was frustrating that you were being tutored by a guy in Theta Chi and you felt lame whenever you admitted to anyone, it didn’t necessarily mean that you had anything against Bambam. Before he had started tutoring you, the encounters you had with Bambam were fine – certainly not an “oh my god you are so freaking annoying” situation. They were minimal of course, just a hello or a how are you at various school events or parties. You didn’t hate him, which was why at the beginning between the studying you had tried to talk to him and get to know him. But he never said anything real or authentic – it always felt like he was putting on some kind of ultra-frat boy act for you. Whenever you asked questions about him, things he liked to do, what he was studying or his family he would simply shy away from it and talk about Theta Chi. You didn’t get it.

“Bambam is so freaking deep. I had a two-hour drunk conversation with him at Theta Chi’s party last weekend and my mind has been opened.” Your friend had told you when you told her about him tutoring you.

So what? Did he have to be drunk to want to talk to you about something other than probability? Or was it just that he didn’t want to talk to you? You couldn’t put your finger on it, but it bothered you a little too much for some unexplainable reason.

“I am chill,” you confirmed with him – a bit too bitterly. You couldn’t tell if your annoyance came from the ongoing frustration of not understanding stats regardless of how many times you’ve met with Bambam or the fact that he was constantly shying away from you two actually getting to know each other.

“Well…” he began suddenly, swallowing almost nervously, “what if we work on a rewards-based system?”

You scoffed at him, “what am I? A child?”

“Do you want me to answer that? Listen… all I’m saying is that rewards or a prize can be a good motivator sometimes. It definitely can’t hurt the studying process.”

There was a part of you that felt annoyed at Bambam for thinking that the only way that you were going to understand any of this was through some kind of incentive. An incentive that had nothing to do with your overall goal which was to not fail the class. However, you had to admit you were curious as to what Bambam could bring to the table when it came to “rewards,” so you decided to play along – for now.

“What kind of motivators are we talking about?”

For a second you swear you see Bambam fidget nervously in his seat, but it happens so quickly, you’re sure it must be your brain playing a trick on you, “I don’t know… I’m literally the co-social chair of Theta Chi so I pretty much can get you whatever you want. Booze, drugs… sex.”

At his last “category” for rewards, your interest is peeked, but not in a weird or perverted way – you swear, “what the social chair orchestrates and plans sexual encounters now?”

He laughed and shakes his head, “definitely not. I’m just saying… If there was anyone you were interested in at Theta Chi… I could probably set it up for you. I mean you’re definitely not bad looking so I don’t think it would be difficult.”

You were half pleased by Bambam’s compliment and intrigued that by the fact that it seemed like perhaps his “non-tutoring” personality was emerging from the surface. It caused you to push more regarding his “reward” if it meant that you could see more of it, “So what? I solve the next equation and I get to fuck Im Jaebeom? Is that how this works?”

He clicked his tongue, “Jaebeom, huh? Wouldn’t have thought he would be your type.”

For some reason, you suddenly felt a wave of nervousness rush through your body and you feel defensive as though you have to explain yourself for some reason, “No- I mean it was just an example.”

Bambam nodded his slowly and looked away from you for the first time since he brought up the incentive thing. His focus goes back to the textbook in front of both of you, “It’s okay if he is. Jaebeom’s a chill guy.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, for a moment there you almost got a hint of something from him. You weren’t quite sure as to what, but it almost felt like he was… jealous? But then he has to cower away and go back to stats… That was technically why he was sitting in your living room, but right now this seemed like the least important thing going on.

“What is it with you and chill? Does everything need to be chill? Why can’t you just be… normal?”

He laughed at your query, “What if being chill is normal for some people?”

You grabbed the pencil in front of you and tapped it on the table rhythmically in thought, “Chill people aren’t masters at stats. That’s just a fact.”

Bambam’s face goes into fake shock, “really? Damn well, I guess that’s why you haven’t learned anything the last month that we’ve been doing this.”

It’s obvious that it was meant as a playful dig, to tease you, but Bambam feels his heart race when you simply frown in response instead of laugh. It was clear that he had gone too far. This was the thing he had been most worried about this entire time he had been tutoring you.

He had heard from one of his brothers in Theta who knew a friend of yours that you felt embarrassed by being tutored by a frat guy – by him. Hearing that certainly didn’t make him feel good, but he tried his best to help you the last month or so. He didn’t want to do or say anything that could allude to “frat guy” behavior – so most of the time he tried to keep conversations statistics related. Part of him felt like it was because he was offended by your embarrassment, but another part of him felt like it was maybe because he wanted to impress you. He wanted to prove that he wasn’t the typical frat guy because you probably didn’t like that.

But he had to admit… in certain ways, he was the typical frat guy and restricting that part of himself meant restricting segments of his personality. The teasing – that was apart of it.

“Shit – y/n I’m sorry I didn’t actually mean it. I meant it more like-”

At his quick and panicked response, you burst out into a fit of giggles, “dude I can be chill too. I was just fucking with you. Now come on… let’s keep working, I want my prize.”

Bambam lets out a sigh in relief. Maybe he had misjudged you, “so you do want a reward?”

“Of course, I want a reward.”

He licked his lips in thought and you have to admit it’s hard not to stare, “okay what should we start with?”

You began to tap the pencil on your chin instead of the table, thinking about what exactly it was you wanted. When you finally have your grand prize in mind, you figure it’s better to start small.

“I don’t want to be charged cover at any future Theta Chi parties.”

He looked at you with surprise written on his face, “you go to our parties?”

You rolled your eyes at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, he can’t help but admire how cute you look when you do it, “of course. They’re the biggest parties on campus… why wouldn’t I go?”

Bambam shrugged, “I just didn’t think you liked frat stuff…” drifting off he looks to see the confusion written on your face and he doesn’t know why, but for some reason, he feels the need to keep talking, “Unless it’s for Jaebeom.” Immediately he wants to punch himself in the face for his continual teasing.

You thought it was funny how he was stuck on the Jaebeom thing. You had just said his name as an example – something you already explained to Bambam – but for some reason, it seemed to bother him. Bambam was more your type than Jaebeom, but it would have been weird if you had brought him up as an example.

“What was that?”

His voice causes your body to jolt up in surprise. Had he heard you? No way.

“Y/N what did you just say?” Bambam asked once again.

The second question regarding what you had just said sends you into a frenzy, considering he was the last person who had just said something based on your recollection. Therefore… he fucking heard you.

“Did I say that out loud?” You asked embarrassed and judging on the look on Bambam’s face – you have your answer.

You felt your mouth go dry, “I- shit… Bam I didn’t mean- Well I mean I did, but- Fuck I-” you cut off your stuttering with nervous laughter and you feel more awkward than you’ve probably ever felt in your adult life.

Rather than saying anything, Bambam looks at you curiously. A hint of a smile appears on his face but soon disappears as if he’s thought of an idea or just something. Hopefully, an idea to get me out of this, you think to yourself. Instead, he scoots closer next to you on the floor and for a moment you have to remind yourself to exhale.

“Instead of the cover as your reward… What about…” he begins, placing his right hand onto your thigh, “this? Is this okay?” If you had to keep your breathing in check just when he moved closer to you, then you felt like you were going to need to be resuscitated now.

Rather than verbally answering, you nodded your head, afraid to open your mouth in case the wrong thing came out.

Keeping his hand placed firmly on your thigh, he asked you the next question, “Suppose X and Y are independent random variables. The variance of X is equal to 16; and the variance of Y is equal to 9. Let Z = X – Y. What is the standard deviation of Z?”

It’s becoming harder to concentrate. All you can focus on is the placement of his hand on your thigh and when you don’t answer right away, he begins to move it up and down your leg.

“Come on, I know you can do this one,” he said softly.

You couldn’t believe that your tutoring session was now taking a sharp turn – a turn that you had to admit you were now craving – but Bambam was still expecting you to be focused enough to answer questions. You weren’t able to typically do it even when you didn’t have his hand on you.

It’s almost as though you’re on autopilot as you put your pencil to paper and work out the problem. The only thing on your mind is the curiosity of what his next move will be if you answer him correctly.

“5?”

He gives you your answer by drifting his hand up your thigh until it sits at the top of your thigh, dangerously close to your core. You wonder if he can tell how damp you’ve become, even with the sweatpants you’re wearing. It was probably evident just by looking at your face.

“A coin is tossed three times. What’s the probability that it lands on heads exactly one time?”

This was becoming frustrating. How the fuck were you getting turned on by him asking you stats questions? You felt like your brain was about to explode with how completely mixed up it felt. The cause of your stress for the entire quarter was now the cause of you being turned on? Your mind was currently rewiring itself.

For this question, it takes you some time to focus enough to work it out and calculate. Bambam who is usually patient with you when you struggle, has instead been replaced with a much more impatient version of himself as he slips his hand up to the waistband of your sweatpants, delicately playing with the top to tease you, you suddenly wished you would have worn better underwear for what’s about to happen. If you could answer the question that is.

Just as you feel as though you’ve come to the end of the problem, you feel him dip a single finger underneath the top of the band, rubbing it softly against your stomach. It causes your hand to slip up on the paper, drawing a line right through your problem.

“What’s wrong?” He asked innocently, completely aware of what he was doing to you, “do you need help?”

You shook your head in response, unable to say anything. It was becoming more and more difficult to even get your hand to move fluidly on the paper. It was instead starting to get more jagged. Your fives were beginning to look more like threes. When you’ve finally solved the problem, you find yourself pointing at the paper for Bambam to look at your answer. He laughed.

“Correct again. You’re doing so well,” he murmured as he finally dips his hand beneath the band of your sweatpants and down to your panties. You sucked a deep breath in, waiting in anticipation for his next actions, feeling him so much closer to where you need him the most, but instead, his hand just rests there, over the material.

Letting a very out of character whine escape your lips causes him to chuckle. “Do you think you can have your reward that fast? No, no,” he tutted, “you have to finish answering all the questions like a good girl.”

You try so hard to remember the next question he asks, but he soon begins gently rubbing you through your panties and it makes you want to kill him for playing so dirty. How were you able to solve any problems when it felt like an actual ocean was forming in your underwear? You knew Bambam could feel it too with the way his gaze on you got even darker, one of his fingers wandering to the side of your panties, playing with the hem but not daring to slip underneath.

What the fuck was the question?

“Having trouble angel?”

He doesn’t give you time to answer – even if he did you weren’t sure you’d be able to provide him with one – instead, he slips his hand underneath your panties until his fingers find your entrance, slowly stroking up and down. You let out a moan when he’s left his index finger on your clit, rubbing small circles around the bundle of nerves.

“It can’t be that hard to remember a simple question. Is something distracting you?”

Another sigh of pleasure is released from you when he presses down a bit to place more pressure on your clit, “I’ll ask you one more time. You have to remember this time or you lose your reward, okay? Are you listening?”

Nodding your head, he smiled, “The standard normal curve is symmetric about 0 and the total area under it is 1. True or False?”

Bambam himself was losing his patience, he so badly wanted to bring you to your release and see how tight you get around his fingers, how much you ask him for it. He had to admit that wasn’t the original question he had asked you, but at this rate, he just wanted to ask you the easier questions so both of you could get what you wanted.

“T-True?” You managed to stutter out.

“Doing so well for me,” he whispered into your ear at your response. The teasing had been so achingly painful that when he finally fully inserts his pointer finger you feel like a kid on Christmas. You feel as though you can finally let out the breath you had been holding in since he started the taunting.

The pace he starts with is clearly another method to get you worked up – which you certainly are – but you also felt thankful that at least it was something compared to the nothing you were getting from him previously. When he curls his finger, hitting you in the spot that drives you crazy, you felt your body instinctively jerk forward in surprise. He had found it so fast and with such ease, you wondered if the two of you had down this before in another life.

“Bam, I-” you begin, but as his thumb draws circles over your clit, you ultimately lose your train of thought and fall even closer into him, until your head is resting on his shoulder.

“There’s one more question left… Do you think you can handle it?”

The whimper you let out sounds borderline inhumane and in any other situation you would be frustrated with yourself for giving in so quickly, but right now you didn’t care. All you needed was him to keep going – to really give you your reward. The noise is enough for him to dive into the last question and you feel like you’re gonna pass out at the way he begins to rhythmically tap your clit, his finger now going stagnant.

His eyes drift down to the textbook on the table, gazing through which questions on the page are still viable to be asked. After a moment he locks eyes with you, the tapping still consistent.

For a moment he looks shy and despite his previous teasing, you feel your heart leap out of your chest in deep want and longing. It’s a weird feeling you have to admit, but somehow it feels just right.

“What’s the probability of you going out on a date with me after this?” Bambam blushed when he asked you his query and for some reason, he feels so small being in front of you – asking this – despite his current position with his hand in between your legs.

You, on the other hand, have no trouble answering this final question. The question that’ll get you your reward and perhaps something else entirely.

“Without a doubt, 100% chance.”

The smile that emerged on his face is so big, you take a picture of it in your mind, wanting to keep it safe and bottle it up to view later, a hundred times over.

He slipped in another finger, watching your face as it contorts into even more pleasure, “there we go.”

You felt a groan arise in your throat as soon as he began to pick up the original pace of his sole finger. With both of them curling and pumping in and out of you, you felt even more overwhelmed than before. Bambam smirked, taking in your tightly shut eyes, “Good?” Opening your eyes, you felt your climax right around the corner, only able to moan his name in response to his question. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured, leaning in to place his lips on your own.

Somehow, the pace of his fingers only increased, practically fucking into you over and over, hitting your g-spot each time. Even though you were sat on the floor, already mostly leaning onto Bambam for support, you still felt as though you could melt into the floor. With a final few pumps that hit your sweet spot and his thumb still massaging your clit, you feel your walls tighten around his fingers. “That’s it, good girl,” he said against your lips.

Soon you fall apart, feeling as though there’s no breath left in your body, your body falling practically limp at your release around Bambam’s fingers. He takes a moment to slip his hand out from between your legs and you don’t ignore the feeling you get in your core again when he slowly places his fingers in his mouth.

You groaned, feeling like you were practically in a sedative state at how relaxed your release made you feel, “do you have to do that?”

Bambam narrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“Be so damn seductive.”

The two of you look at each other before bursting into laughter at your very serious confession. After a moment when it’s silent you look down at your lap to realize that somewhere during your encounter with Bambam, your sweatpants managed to slip down to the bottom of your thighs.

“I should probably go get cleaned up…”

Bambam coughed awkwardly and turned to his things on the coffee table, “yeah… I guess I should probably just get my stuff together too and get out of your hair.”

Get out of your hair? Who the fuck says that Bam? He asked himself.

You looked at him with confusion, “I thought you were taking me out? Remember? 100% chance? I mean… unless you didn’t mean it…”

His eyes went big, “No!” he exclaimed, “I definitely meant it! I just didn’t know if maybe you said it in the moment and- Or I don’t maybe you did mean it- but also if you didn’t that’s cool. Just so you know I would have still given you your- uh reward if you had said no- Sorry I’m rambling. I ramble when I get nervous.”

When he stops talking, he instantly avoids your gaze. This was the Bambam you wanted to see. This display of authenticity made you feel as though the curtain had finally been drawn.

“I said it because it was true. The likeliness was 100%. Give me like 15 minutes and I’ll be ready to go,” just as you’re about to head to the stairs, you stop yourself and remember why the two of you were even here in the first place, “shit stats…”

Instantly, Bambam shakes his head, “if you think we’re going to go back to probability, standard deviation, and bullshit right now after what just happened you are very mistaken. We’ve done enough… work for today.”

Smiling, you nodded your head in confirmation and begin to go up the stairs to your room. Considering something, you find yourself stopping on the third stop, turning towards the living room where Bambam looks up at you with his head cocked to the side.

“You picked easier questions towards the end on purpose, didn’t you?”

He let out a laugh and grinned – another smile that you decided to file away in your memories, something that you figured might soon become a regular part of your life.

“Let’s just say that I wanted to give you your reward as much as you wanted to have it.”

#got7 smut #got7 fanfic #got7 #bambam #bambam smut

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

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i want to ask for help. but i cant tell when would be a good time. because u've said before that therapy doesnt work unless YOU want it to, and i dont know WHEN i will want to. i just know that ive been feeling like this for as long as i can remember and that if i dont do SOMETHING about it, i might not even live.

i feel like im scared to ask for help because what if? what if i actually do better? i cant imagine living without thinking about dying every second. there is a scary sense of comfort in it, but its familiar and its me but its ME and i dont want it like that.

i,,, i dont know why this is going to you, but i do know i admire your opinions and i guess i just want to know. when. when does it get better.

When... hmm, as Yoongi has said before, these kinds of feelings are like seasons. I don't personally think they ever "go away" - you have good times and bad times, sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason at all. At least, that's how it is with me. Going to put the rest under a break.

"Get better" is a vague term. You can argue you're already "getting better" because you recognize something needs to change, but that doesn't really feel statisfying because you're still in the same mental state, right? Then, is "getting better" a generalized state of more happiness? Could be. But, if you've always been in the darkness, well, shit, how are you supposed to know the light is the light? You've never seen it before. Then, does "getting better" mean... being like everyone else around me that seems like they're "good"?

That's the greatest lie of all.

I've said therapy doesn't work unless you want it to, not because you need to feel a certain measure of desire to change, but because you can't walk in there thinking the therapist is going to change you. If you have the means to try, you should to to therapy and just try it, because knowing you need to do something indicates that you already want to change. Reaching out to someone, stranger or not, already indicates you don't want to be like this forever. It might work, it might not. Therapy really depends on the therapist and finding a good fit is very difficult.

I'm going to tell you a bit about my journey. I have no idea if it will help you, but maybe you're interested.

I grew up not knowing love. My parents had an arranged marriage and, in their case, they did not love each other. Probably still don't. They're still married. I guess they tolerate each other, I don't know. In any case, it was very dysfunctional. I didn't know anything about maintaining healthy relationships, showing affection, or the value of people. I was seen as a means to an end, not really as their child. It was mostly my mom, but my dad was neglectful and wasn't really part of my life even though he was there the entire time. Because of this, I didn't value myself. I became very depressed and, if you've read my work, there's hints of what I've done to myself. I thought about dying. A lot. All the time. Planned it, dreamed it, wished for it.

Then, I moved out and entered the next phase of my life. Made a shit ton of mistakes. Destroyed friendships, had a ton of questionable relationships, chased love that was never there, fell apart. I was an "adult" but I was still the same - still wanted off this fucking Earth. But there was a difference. This time, I finally realized something.

These had be been my desicions.

My choices put me in that position. Nobody made me do anything. I was being self-destructive because I wanted to. And just like how I put myself there, I could take myself out.

So I did.

Not easily, mind you, but I did. I switched my surroundings again, put myself among people who had my best interests in mind, found my close friends, had a great time. Did shit everyone else did, went on cute dates, hung out with friends, traveled a lot, took pictures of delicious food, had an Instagram life.

Hated it.

I wasn't myself. I had pushed down my past and pretended like that shit wasn't real. I had a good life, so I'm good, right? I'm cured! I have what everyone else wants - I do what I want, have a good job and loving people around me. Yeah, no. I was "better", but I wasn't better. Far from it. I used to draw, write, create. In this phase I did none of that. I felt empty. But I was happy! Shit, what else can I do?

And then I discovered BTS.

Music does a lot of things. In my life, they defined the phases of my life. Rock and metal saved me from ending it when I was stuck in the darkness. In the time of empty happiness, I listened to music, but nothing stuck. I did, however, broaden my horizons and listen to everything, finally learning that all music has its merits and that I could find something I liked in nearly every genre.

However, I wasn't committing to anything, and that was because I couldn't commit to myself.

At first when I listened to BTS, I thought they were really cool. I went from era to era, mostly listening to title songs. Then I was bored and listened to their other stuff. I was curious about the lyrics I liked. They were usually rapped by this one guy, and I learned to recognize his voice and wait for his parts, because they always ended up being my favorite.

Yeah, just guess who it is. :)

I thought, well shit, I have no idea what he's saying. I should look it up. Went to look up the lyric translations of their songs, finding SUGA's parts and yet another epiphany.

Why am I pretending?

I'm reading these lyrics and I'm like, shit. This is it. This is me. These are all thoughts I've thought and they're here. They're real. Someone else thought them in the same way I have. And I am, indeed, still feeling these things, but pretending I'm not. Pretending it's impossible to acknowledge the person I am, that teenager wondering why I have to live when I could just fucking not, and who I've become, an adult with no sense of self but happy, and how they somehow can't coexist even though they already do. They're all me.

It wasn't very fun facing those feelings again, but I did it because I needed it. I needed to work through them and stop pretending so I could be myself. And now I am, because I can see it. You can see it. I create, not for anyone, but because this is me.

Maybe a little hypersexual. Kind of insane. Borderline cocky (but I am hot though, I'm just saying). I write, I draw, I create, I have fun, I cry, fuck, I do it all (swallow dick real fucking well too!). I do everything I want to and live how I want to.

This is just one way, one life among billions. You might not go though this (technically, you're already on the BTS phase, you know) and most likely your journey will be different. Because "getting better" is a personal thing. It is what you want in life, who you want to be, and I didn't know who I wanted to be until I lived though all kinds of shit, learning about other people's lives, and found someone who let me know, hey, you can brush past or you can soak into a heart. Change will always happen. You can live however you like. In some ways, you grow up and become an adult. In some ways, you stay the same, always young, always learning, always growing up. Sometimes people give up their young self because they think they have to. And maybe they do. You don't really have to though. You only have to be open to the idea there is also comfort in other things, that the you that you've known all your life is not the only you that will be.

To live a full life is to have many things, not physically, but mentally - memories, thoughts, past, present, whatever you want to hold on to, hold on to. No one can take them away from you. You will become more than just that. Every day, you will wake up to a new self that encompasses all your other selves before that. If you're impatient and want it now, run. Read up on things, surround yourself with all kinds of people, try activities you've always wanted to try, experience shit and find out what you like, what you hate, what you can modify to suit you better.

Find out what it means for you to get better and you'll discover, hey.

You're already there.

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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march - just some thoughts

i have read more this month than any other month? and its not slowing down its only 3/12 so i have 2/3 of a month to go and i’ve read 26 chapters. even if these chapters are ‘short’ at 10 pages, if i wanna count by ‘20 page’ chunks i’ve still read 13 chunks so far. and i’ve still got more time in the month left. most other months i’ve managed to read ‘a lot’ i read 10-20 chapters. so i’m doing really good.

grammar is a weird thing? in reading i feel like its quite easy now to understand. when listening or watching - same. and yet if asked ‘why do i say/type X’ or ‘why is it written/spoken like X’ i have absolutely no explanation in my head. i could not explain the grammar if prompted. this puts me in a weird place and i feel like i SHOULD go over a grammar guide again just so i can WORD what i’m intuitively understanding.

this is a bit bizarre to me because within the first 6 months of study i DID read through an entire grammar guide just to get an idea of what i was about to look at, and it hardly made sense once actually reading/watching/listening. i understood the guide fine, but actually Seeing chinese i was still confused. i would reference AllSetLearning’s Chinese Wiki on some basic points, then after 6 months i just stopped. now its been what 1.5 years and - reading is so easy, listening is so easy, grammar wise. none of the grammar confuses me. but i no longer ‘explicitly’ have any idea what the fuck the grammar is. i used to. i studied it explicitly before trying to read/listen. and yet now that i can read/listen, i have no idea how to explain the grammar. i can listen to a podcast and i don’t think about what the grammar is i just get it. i read and just know what i’m looking at. its like english - i cannot fucking explain it. Which makes speaking/writing a bit hard. Because when i try to check if i’m right i have no fucking clue HOW anymore - i just say/write what comes to mind and HOPE it makes sense. i have no way to conciously check for errors except ‘does this feel right’? And that’s not good enough for me lol. So I definitely do need to eventually read a grammar guide for explicit explanations again.

Technically I think “English and Chinese Grammar Side By Side” grammar book would be an excellent one to use. Because i read the first 50 pages of it and it compared it to english (so it explained english too), and it was very easy to understand and started basic then got more involved.

I’m probably gonna use my very old Chinese Grammar Self Taught by Thimm book instead. Just because I really like that book. Then I guess use another after (probably Basic Chinese Sentence Patterns since its modern and perfect for ‘catch your own mistakes’ study and much shorter than Eng+Chinese Grammar side by side).

Anyway I’m in a very weird place right now lol. I know i’m understanding grammar that is stuff I never even studied initially in the grammar guide, but unable to explain what it is, and a lot of stuff i did explicitly study in a grammar guide i completely forgot the explanation for. My reading and listening is GREAT, because all my effort only has to go into learning new words lately! its relaxing! Its the only part i need to do! But my writing/speaking i am very concerned about because being able to check myself for mistakes is something i’d like the ability to do.

how grammar is presented really makes a difference in how well i get it. there is some serious benefit to ‘show simple first then build up what you know’ that text books tend to prefer. versus like grammar reference books that may start with some in depth stuff.

i tried to read a japanese grammar guide the other day and 1 it was great but 2 it covered some ADVANCED stuff i never learned in genki 1+2, and so it was Explicit grammar description of stuff i had literally years ago been immersing in japanese and Still not conciously known about. So i felt. Overwhelmed lol. I felt so confused. I feel like I might switch to Tae Kim’s grammar guide primarily just because its structured with basics covered first. and i feel like until the basics are again glued into my brain, seeing even more advanced stuff just confused me so much i had no idea how to remember it. which is funny because? my usual strategy with grammar guides is to just read it and let what sticks stick and what is confusing be moved on from, in the hope i will later see it again and understand it better. so like based on what i usually do i should’ve just been able to read through it (and i’m gonna try anyway lol). but truly japanese grammar just... my mind does not like wrapping around it and remembering it. (chinese grammar is so much easier for me... so much easier....;-; )

i have been tempted to just Restart Nukemarine’s LLJ (Lets Learn Japanese) memrise decks, because I KNOW they worked for me last time really really well. And they include Tae Kim grammar lessons. And I know if i did it then maybe i’d get back to where i was years ago pretty fast.

I tried Earthlingo app. Its a cool idea, I don’t think its worth it though unless you planned to get Rosetta Stone (since Earthlingo is FREE). Earthlingo features 1000 words per language, taught to you by exploring video game worlds as an alien. Its a cool concept, but since all words seem to be nouns then you aren’t even learning the most common verbs/adjectives. And 1000 words is not a lot. And you could learn 1000 quite fast if using srs flashcards like Memrise or Anki (think weeks if you push yourself, and a month or two months if going at a regular pace). Earthlingo you have to slowly explore the worlds so that eats time, you have to choose to test yourself (so you don’t review nearly as often as flashcard apps), and one test includes walking around the world clicking the object which you’re given the word for (takes time to find the right object). All this means a word that might take maybe 15 minutes to study over a few weeks, might instead take much longer to study and learn. I don’t use duolingo because it generally covers so few words (usually 2000-4000 i think which is good for a beginner resource but you have to do the WHOLE course to get to all those words and i take so long on duolingo that could take YEARS for me versus a month on a flashcard app or clozemaster). Duolingo I also don’t use because it very slowly paces learning material (it takes me months/years to get through 1000 words on duolingo - just personally i go so slow on it, i think faster people would find a use for it). Likewise Lingodeer takes me AGES to get through (and i think covers 2000 words nowadays? I’m shocked Duolingo has more words for the japanese course tbh). However, Lingodeer is by far the best ‘app’ for Japanese grammar lessons in app practice form. Even if basically all the apps feel pretty slow to me in how fast they give you new info. Earthlingo is cool that its free, and for learners 12 and under i think it would be super useful as a way to engage them and keep them studying (since what child likes flashcards? whereas as a child i would’ve loved this). But as an adult Earthlingo is sooooo slow on how fast you can learn words, and it does not even offer very many words (1000 is a nice bare minimum but without verbs/adjectives it can only be a supplementary learning tool for beginners at best).

Link about Lingodeer having 2000 words in a course. (Since its SO hard to lookup how much vocabulary lingodeer includes :c )

Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks (which I’m considering going through again but ToT agh flashcardssssss.... they sure do work though agh)

http://www.chinese-grammar.com/beginner/ - this is the site I read a chinese grammar guide on at like Month 3. I am rereading it now maybe it will help me remember wtf grammar explicitly is. ToT (A tip, read Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced sections). Last time I visited the site you just clicked a section, then saw each fully explained grammar point and clicked ‘next’ it was nice. Now its laid out a little less ideal for me, but its still got all the same nice info! (Also honestly if you are a beginner I really DO like this grammar guide... it introduces basic info first, gradually gets more complex, and i could follow its logic knowing like 200 hanzi and 100 words ToT. its very easy to understand even if it takes a while to apply that info).

im probably gonna read hanshe more today. i’m at the point where either i know enough vocab, or the writers style has just ‘clicked’ idk. but now i just am not getting bogged down by unknown words and am just. speeding through enjoying the plot. Also rip me this novel has 155 chapters and im only on chapter 30.

watching japanese lets plays is really fun! i feel like im 3 years old cause i just see nouns i can learn pretty easy in context cause i know the game well, and hear some vaguely familiar verbs, but its fun! also it helps i know kingdom hearts 2 like by heart so. a lot of it makes me instantly cheerful and nostalgic. roxas’s voice is so cute in the japanese version.

oh i almost forgot: I found a book recently for chinese that for it’s like 10 page grammar guide summary at the beginning ALONE i think is more than worth the 4 dollars it costs to get. It has a ton of compound words and its a reference book in mandarin and cantonese (it has pronunciation for both, all characters are in traditional). I got it initally because it as a bunch of compound words and I’d like to get better at knowing a lot of common ones. But the intro to the book has a page explaining sentence structures in chinese, then examples. Its so straightforward and to the point. I love it. The book is “Understanding Chinese: A Guide to the Usage of Chinese Characters” by Rita Mei-Wah Choy. (There is also a companion book for individual hanzi, which is nice but this book specifically I’m finding more useful).

what i really like about Listening-Reading method, and reading, as study activities: no matter how I do them it is only improvement. I have a tendency to ‘redo’ material i don’t feel i fully mastered, or refuse to move on. So when i have duolingo, flashcards (sometimes i can move on if i ignore reviews/make myself do new stuff), books, grammar guides, self guided classes - i have a tendency to redo the material. over and over. and not progress and challenge myself. whereas with reading - every time i look up a word its useful because its new or something i clearly Need to review (not something i’ve actually learned and can move past reviewing). so whether i reread material or read new stuff, as long as i run into things i find somewhat challenging (feel the desire to word look up), i know i am running into new material i can learn. Same with listening-reading method: whether i finish a book or just skip to random books, any new chapter i do will give me new words to learn/remember (until i’ve reached a point of perfect listening comprehension which is a WAYS away). There’s no way for me to mess it up. I can give up a book im bored with, i don’t have to stick to one resource to the end.

someone tell me why professionally made chinese audio books almost NEVER line up to the chapters???? whyyyyy ;-;

Even More Notes lol:

So I read so much in Pleco, which auto pronounces, I have COMPLETELY forgot. 得地 - for these two, when they’re attached after a description like 淡淡慢慢高兴 etc, when are they pronounced di versus de???? i’m pretty sure 得 is pronounced de when its an adjective like ‘-ly’. but for 地, i don’t remember if when part of a describer if its pronounced di or de????

#rant #march progress #march #everyone using ore in kh2 is hilarious a lil to me tho #u are all bishies u are all tiny kids WHy u acting so tough lol

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arsonist-chicken · 3 years

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Lockdown Tag game; I got tagged by @we-are-not-amoosed thank you! I keep forgetting you know I exist, also I hope you had fun being drunk at midnight on a Tuesday hjhjhj.

First of all, a big FUCK YOU to tumblr, because I was at the LAST QUESTION and opened ONE NEW TAB to look up the word windmill, and when I went back to tumblr, my post was GONE, so here we go again. If an answer seems short of half-answered, it’s because I didn’t feel like typing everything again.

Are you staying home from work or school?

HA. Yes. Love that for me. Not at all. My university opened for 1 1/2 weeks in March 2020, then for another 4 weeks in November, and it has been closed ever since. I’m in my dormitory in the town I study in, not home home at my parents’ place though, because that would Not end well. The internet connection sucks though, that’s really annoying with distance learning. When I go into The City for A Thing, I usually cycle past my department and it makes we Yearn to go back in there, which is a thing I didn’t think would ever happen, but one pandemic later and suddenly everyone would kill for the change to go back to work/school in person, wouldn’t we?

If you’re staying home who is there with you?

I live in a dormitory, so technically, there’s a lot of other people there, but I don’t really talk to any of them except for when we meet in the hallways or the kitchen or wherever, so really it’s just me, the stuffed animal my friend got me last year because I kept whining that I didn’t have a cat like her at her boyfriend’s place where she basically lives now, and the birds who come to eat from the bird house I put on my balcony.

If it makes you feel any better @we-are-not-amoosed, not that I think it will but hey, who knows, my twin sister is moving out in December, so I will be the only child at home with my parents during summer/Christmas/Easter break, which will be Not Fun. I’ll take another 1 ½ years for my degree, and another 2 if I do a master’s, so that’s about... 1-3/4 years I’ll be alone with my parents while my perfect sister gets to move out and move on and live Adult Life fully respected as an Adult working with renewable energy, as opposed to the Disappointment who takes 5 years for a 3 year degree in a field that’s hard to find employment in and never Does Stuff like my mother wants me to Do Stuff.

Are you a homebody?

I’m with @we-are-not-amoosed there, I didn’t know what that meant, but Pons says “Stubenhocker”. A bit I guess? I’m definitely fine being home by myself if I’m unbothered there (read: not at my parents’ when they are home) and I do need time by myself to recharge. But probably like everyone else, I crave and enjoy social contact a ton more than Before. I meet a friend fairly often (aka the only friend still here instead of home for distance learning), and today we worked together (handing out flyers which idk why the company pays us to hand them out, like 95% of them get thrown away immediately, but hey, we’re getting paid 🤷) and then went to sit by the river, and there were SO MANY people there, it was not *entirely* corona-compliant (but outside with town-typical wind, so it’s fine I think, with my non-existent knowledge about spreading of viruses and such), but honestly? I just couldn’t be bothered to care in that moment: it was warm and sunny, I was there with a very close friend, people were laughing and dancing to good music, it was just so GOOD to be there, almost as if Corona didn’t exist. The police even drove by like they always do to check for people smoking weed and didn’t say anything like usual, so hey. It was just so good, okay? So, homebody? Within reason, I guess, but less than Before, probably.

An event you were looking forward to that eventually got cancelled?

Oh boy, SO MANY. The one I’m most bitter about was a very prestigious international interpreting event, that would have involved me interpreting in the actual European Parliament building in Strasbourg. But there was also a festival week with my best friend I was looking forward to, maybe even a second festival with another friend, my company’s ten year anniversary party, etc. And Prides! I came out to my family in 2019, and was like “Yay, I can finally go to Prides now!” but well 🤷

DUDE SO MANY ARE YOU KIDDING ME

CONCERTS: 5SOS (I SHOULD HAVE heard “Old Me” in a crowd full of other people getting nostalgic for their past selves, but NO), Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Rock im Park aka GREEN DAY AND RISE AGAINST (I have been trying to see Rise Against for YEARS and ALWAYS something gets in the way!), one or two small local artists.

ERASMUS: I should have gone to Russia for a semester to improve my not-too-great speaking skills but Corona said FUCK YOU you will study ALONE and LONELY in your ROOM like a child on TIMEOUT

PRIDE: none in particular, just generally it would have been nice to go, maybe even with a friend to the one in Vienna

Also just general stuff like birthdays and get-togethers with friends, and my club’s annual get-together was cancelled too, and it would have been my friend, sister and my’s 10-year-anniversary, so that sucked to get cancelled.

What movies have you watched recently?

Movies? Pfuh, I don’t know, I’m not really into movies anymore, tbh. TV-series and games are more my jam.

Descendants 1 +2, I finally watched those after I read so much fanfiction that I knew the plot without having watched a single scene that isn’t a music video that youtube kept showing me. They’re nice enough, if you overlook the fact that they make a 16-year-old king while there’s still perfectly capable adults but whatever, there’s a lot of cute moments (Carlos and Jane omg) and a lot of funny ones (UMA. Is HILARIOUS), the music kind of slaps ngl, and arguably Mal + Evie are queer and in love. I still want to watch the third soon, and rewatch The Hunger Games since it showed up on my dash recently.

What shows are you watching?

Rewatching Julie and the Phantoms forever until the end of time (or until season 2 comes out @netflix, and I started Brooklyn 99 again for background noise/low-energy background watching. A friend recommended Ginny & Georgia and it’s okay enough, but it’s written in a way that makes you want to keep watching because there’s just such whack stuff happening that you want it explained; it’s 1h episodes though, that’s a bit hard on my attention span. I want to rewatch FMA:B some time, too.

What are you reading?

@we-are-not-amoosed said “tumblr posts and the texts I translate at work” and if that isn’t a Mood. I’d love to read more, but my attention span is shit and my reading comprehension even worse. I *am* reading “Explain to me like I’m 5” atm which explains stuff easily, like, well, you’re 5 years old, so you’d think a 23-year-old could understand, no? No. I read it, I vaguely understand some stuff, I close the book, and it’s G-O-N-E, not a single thing left. Literally the only thing I remember – and this is why I had to re-write ^^^all that because I needed to look up the English word for Windräder, if that’s even what they’re called in German but whatever I’m tired – is that insects and birds die a LOT in windmills when they get too close and get sucked in and can’t escape anymore, which is one of the reasons windmills aren’t as environmentally friendly as we thought when we built them. Anyhow, I’d love to read more, but idk, there are a lot of posts on here, some I’ve reblogged, that are like.. something something reading fanfiction is easier because you already know the characters and universe something something less mental energy something something idk. Yeah I mostly read fanfiction these days. I hope I’ll get back to reading books sometime soon-ish, I have a long list.

What are you doing for self-care?

Hm. I meet my friend I mentioned above pretty regularly, and I have a notebook that I write stuff in that was nice or made me happy when that happened (like today: working with my friend and then sitting among people by the river in the sun with said friend). I’m getting a tattoo next week (3 cat paws + 1 dog paw = technically my two cats and my late cat and dog, but well, two of them are dead, so I asked two friends for a paw print of their cat and dog, so I’ll always have those two with me, too). I try to make a to-do-list each day, but I rarely stick to it. I apply eyeshadow and body glitter if I want to, I dye my hair bright colors (think pink, purple, blue, red, maybe orange next). I always have chocolate in my room meaning I stopped depriving myself of food I like/food in general because it’s “healthier”/”I need to lose weight” etc. all that you know all those great reasons. I went to a doctor about my knee and it ended up being useless but I went, so.

I also went to see a therapist but she is very useless, like “ended our first session telling me well she doesn’t know how to help me/if she can help me at all/if therapy would even help me” kind of useless; I’ll go again next week and see if that changes or if next week will be the last week and I’ll go back to Dealing Like Before, which is not great but whatever. I’ve lived until 23 without therapy, surely I can keep doing it. Therapy’s expensive if it’s not covered (which this doctor IS which is why I went to her but it’s still a waste of time) and if it’s not gonna work/not gonna help me apparently or if there’s nothing actually wrong OR that therapist is just like, bad at her job, what’s the point of going yk?

Uggggh, I hope the swimming pools and Zumba class will be open again soon, Zumba (also with said friend) is AMAZING, easy fun exercise you don’t need any knowledge or skill for and you can hang out with your friend by the street after for an hour and say goodbye five times and then remember one more thing you wanted to actually still mention and stand there for another 20 minutes hjhjhj. Best times, truly.

Idk this is probably not self-care but I got a small job working with Austrian German and it gnetflix the chance to save up a bit and add it to my resume and also hopefully get my mother to shut up about my non-existent job prospects for a bit, so that’s kind of helping in making me feel a bit more like I’m Being An Adult (also because it means I have to learn how to change my insurance and finance department stuff now, yey).

Tagging: @languages-and-else @psychicbouquetblaze-stuff @the-real-daddy-van-der-bellen @sunsetcurveofficial if you feel like doing it, also sorry @we-are-not-amoosed it became such a rambled long answe on almost everything hjhjhj

#tag games #me talks #covid-19 #swearing #It’s a post about corona there Must be swearing

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goldrushzukka · 3 years

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1, 2, 7, 8, 9. (Sorry, i know that's like...all of them)

1. what themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

i love writing coming out storylines. it’s not really that they’re uncommon, i just find a lot of catharsis in them.

2. what are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? what would you avoid writing about?

i tend to avoid writing sibling dynamics bc i’m an only child and therefore not really. qualified. i love reading it though!!

7. favourite description in your WIP?

it was really hard to pick one so i have a few answers for this bc i love to talk about myself so. (under the cut bc JESUS this got long but spoilers for and i’ll do anything you say (read it here!) ahead!!!)

- from chapter 2:

Sokka looks at him, a fantasy come to life, and takes off his stupid sweatpants.

He throws them at Zuko’s head, and earns himself a short burst of that real laugh, shocked and unguarded.

“You asshole,” Zuko says. He sits up and grabs Sokka’s hand, pulling him down on top of him. Something comes alive under Sokka’s skin where Zuko’s fingers graze his wrist. He calls it lust and ignores the fact that it feels nothing like it.

Zuko kisses him, his mouth still in the shape of laughter, and the alive thing screams for his attention. Sokka buries it and hopes it won’t deafen him before they’re done.

im very fond of this whole chapter (i think it’s probably my favourite? it was definitely the easiest to write) but i really love looking back on this part particularly now that we’re in the angsty part of the story bc this is where it all started. yes technically it started in chapter 1 but this is when sokka starts to fall for zuko. this is the beginning of all those pesky non-casual feelings that he’s going to pretend don’t exist until someone else calls him out on them.

- also from chapter 2:

He’s forty-five minutes late already, and when he knocks, a woman made of pursed lips and sharp angles answers the door. She looks elegant and expensive the same way a skyscraper does. Or a cache of medieval weaponry.

“Oh,” Sokka says, digging into his pocket to find the map on his phone. “I must have the wrong place, sorry -”

She looks him up and down, her eyes narrowed in a way that feels violent and practiced, and her smirk turns distasteful. Sokka risks a glance down at himself, at his torn up jeans - not distressed, just torn - and the Madonna t-shirt he’s pretty sure actually belongs to Katara, and thinks she might have a point. The bag in his hand feels heavier when her eyes land on it.

“Zuzu,” the woman calls into the apartment, “your dinner’s here.”

“I didn’t order -” Zuko appears in the doorway, bitter frustration in his expression as he looks at the woman.

His eyes fall on Sokka, though, and his face clears into a light-pollution smile.

this is technically two so i will start with: i love azula. i haven’t found any room to bring her back yet but believe me i am LOOKING. she’s hot and mean and gay and i LOVE HER. oh also insider scoop but suki’s date from earlier in this chapter.......WAS azula. they probably won’t see each other again because once azula met sokka and connected his face to the Best Friends Forever picture frame on suki’s desk she stopped answering the phone.

pt 2: i’ve had a couple of comments mention the “light-pollution smile” line specifically and i am always so happy to read them bc yeah. YEAH. i’ll admit it. that line HITS.

- from chapter 4:

He sets his phone down - only, he doesn’t. He misses the table by a mile, and in his scramble to catch his phone before it breaks on the hardwood floor and wakes Momo on the cushion beside him, his hand finds the lip of his cereal bowl, and then that’s falling, too. He manages to catch the phone, but something in his head gets lost in translation on its way down his arms, and he ends up with a boxers-only lap full of soggy Cheerios.

Momo gets a splash of milk on his back and hisses at Zuko for his crimes, and somehow that’s the worst part of it.

haley @fruitysokka said that this passage reads like an action movie and i think about it all the time. (thank u haley i love u)

- lastly this extended metaphor from chapter 6:

The soup is good, once the heat of it clears him up enough to taste it. It’s thick and warm and there’s enough pepper that Sokka gets a kick from it even in his condition. He feels it all the way down his throat and into his stomach, where it mixes with the prickly nervousness he’s feeling from Zuko’s attention.

He sets the bowl down on the table and asks, eyes stuck on his hands in Momo’s fur where he’s climbed into his lap, “How was the date?”

“It was good, actually,” Zuko says. “Jet seems like a nice guy. He’s very - uh - passionate, I guess you could call it? He’s a climate and human rights activist.”

The spines of Sokka’s nervousness turn to daggers.

...

“I said yes. We’re getting lunch on Sunday.”

The daggers are swords now, and Sokka’s heart sinks down, down, down, right to the hilt.

...

“I’ll text you when I’m home,” Zuko promises, and Sokka’s heart skewers itself on a second sword.

Zuko’s smile when Sokka says, “Thank you for the soup,” is a third.

The door closing behind him is a fourth.

The silence as Sokka shuffles back to bed is every single one that remains.

something something canon swordsmen something pride comes before the fall something chivalry fell on his sword from eden by hozier. you guys get it i dont have to explain myself

8. favourite dialogue in your WIP?

ok so i cant share my actual favourite dialogue bc it's a spoiler for chapter 8 and i technically haven't written it yet (it's in my brain just.....plaguing me) but it's GOOD i SWEAR so. once again i have more than one answer bc actually? i love this fic and im proud of it. deal with it.

- from chapter 1:

“Hey, stranger,” Sokka says, still watching him in the mirror. The corner of Zuko’s mouth ticks up.

“You’re not following me, are you?” Zuko’s tone is seductive, endlessly so, and Sokka wonders while he dries his hands if he has to put it on or if he just sounds like that.

“You give a guy one compliment and he thinks you’re stalking him,” Sokka mutters, and Zuko laughs, low and enticing. Not the genuine, endearing laugh of this morning, but one with an agenda.

Well. Sokka always likes a plan.

“Are you following me? ” Sokka asks. He spies a miraculous dry patch on the sink bank and tries to be casual about the way he hops up to sit on it.

“I might be,” Zuko says, and at Sokka’s raised eyebrow, he continues, “I saw you at the bar and I wanted to talk to you. Sue me.”

“You wanted to talk.”

“Amongst other things.”

as a chronically awkward person i am INSANELY proud of the flirting in this fic. no idea if it would work in a real life situation. excited to never find out bc im not about to use lines from my fanfiction on real women.

- from chapter 2

“You must be Suki,” Zuko says. He meets her gaze, and his fingers go still under Momo’s chin.

“And you’re Zuko,” Suki replies, her smile all different shades of intimidating. “I’d shake your hand, but I know where it’s just been.”

i wrote this entire scene just so i could have suki say this. im not even joking. suki is my favourite part of this entire fic and its not even ABOUT her.

- from chapter 3:

When Sokka crosses the room and slips under the covers beside him, Zuko says, “I can leave, if you want. I can go home.”

...

He asks, still barely hovering over Zuko, “What if I don’t want that?”

Zuko swallows. “I can stay.”

“So stay,” Sokka says, and lays his head down on Zuko’s chest.

i just think it’s sweet. i like it a lot. makes my heart hurt a little when i think about it.

- from chapter 4:

[Suki // 15:13] there is a LOT of chmpagrjn

[Suki // 15:13] cahpmhagne

[Suki // 15:13] chsanpghn

[Suki // 15:14] alcohol :)

once again: suki is the best part of this whole fic. i love her so much. she is the reason the word bestie exists. im really proud of the texting in this fic bc it’s my first time actually including it in fic and it’s turned out really well!!

- ok last one bc i just realised this is turning into a novel. from chapter 4:

“How’s my baby?”

Zuko glances down at Momo, batting at the untied laces of his shoes with one determined paw. “He’s doing just fine.”

“And how’s Momo?”

“He’s - what?”

are there better written, more narratively important and emotive lines in this fic? yes. is this the best part of the entire thing? also yes. i invented the jin/yue wedding because i needed a reason for zuko to have a key in what became chapter 6, but sometimes i think the entire fic exists just for this exchange. best dialogue i have ever written.

9. what scene was the hardest for you to write and why?

the start of chapter 6 of aidays was difficult. i kept wanting to skip ahead to the meaty parts - i.e, zuko and his soup - but i didn’t want to do sokka a disservice like that. it was also really hard to maintain the balance of accurately describing the delirium of illness while still being coherent for the reader? so that took me a couple of days to get right.

#dreamrena #ask game #this got AWAY from me #anyway.#theres.....that #asks #mine #and ill do anything you say #might as well go in the tag since its all i talk about in this #uhhh. enjoy?#i have more thoughts on literally all of aidays so. at the risk of sounding even more in love w myself than i do in this already.#if theres anything else anyone would like to know more about (excluding spoilers obv) i am MORE than happy to talk about it #sam winchester voice The Lore

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astrologista · 4 years

Text

jason stop dying

ooooook i just watched ditf. it was PRETTY GOOD.... i only wish there was MOOORE! watching this REALLY brought me back to 2011 times to see it and i think they did a good job with most of the character design and animations insofar as matching it to the original. (maybe i’m totally wrong but i thought it looked good for the most part... also i just really love these character designs in particular). obviously the budget is not what it would be on a feature, so there are a LOT of places where animation gets recycled and many still frames. some parts are basically a slideshow lol. but i only sort of came to that realization awhile after watching, so i think they did a fairly good job of masking this... ymmv

so let’s get into it!!!

SPOILERS a-head! do not read until you’ve watched it because i’ll spoil everything

now obviously the thing to be aware of if you are not is the fact that this adaptation is not a panel-by-panel adaptation of the original death in the family comic. all references to jason’s mother (save one mention of her dying of illness) are completely removed, they go to bosnia instead of africa, and the circumstances around jason leaving are also heavily altered to fit the new narrative. this adaptation does slot perfectly into the universe established by the under the red hood animated movie from 2011 though, without which one would be pretty confused when watching this. it’s kind of a mystery as to why they didn’t just package this with utrh and release the entire thing as a collectors edition. instead they package it with like 4 or 5 unrelated dc showcase shorts which makes absolutely 0 sense but go off i guess. anyway

i liked that they took the time to adapt the scene from the original ditf where bruce is talking to alfred about jason! (i do not like that alfred didn’t get any lines. bad choice). tbh i can’t understand why they bothered showing us alfred, barbara and dick if they weren’t gonna give them any lines..... like come on........??

HOW INTENSE BRUCE LOOKS WHEN HE FINDS JASON IN SARAJEVO and just. grabs him lol. hes smad :)

ok so one two skip a few and we get to the first branch. instead of calling 1-900 we now get to choose whether jason lives or dies. there are 7 possible endings i think i got em all so let’s see what we got here.

“Hush” Route - Robin cheats death

hgrgdggr. i definitely think this is one of the more interesting endings, if not the most interesting one. this is also the only ending in which both bruce and jason survive the bombing. bruce is still too late, but this time jason barely clings to life and survives. as a hurt/comfort fan i was 100% on this shit from the word go but then jason? runs away from home lmao lmao i thought that was SO funny because 1) hes super messed up, how is he able to just literally run out the house that is SO funny to me and 2) implying that bruce would ever not be keeping an eye on him after that is just, lmao. it’s so zany. i call this the “hush” route because of the bandages but there are no other references to hush so ok. that’s fair. so anyway jason is now angsty for loosely explained reasons but the most fun part is yet to come.

when talia showed up, i really thought / was terrified for a second that they were gonna bring up certain “events” regarding damian’s parentage / who damian’s father is but then she mentioned bruce and i was like OH THANK GOD WE CAN STILL GO TO HEAVEN. i am so so grateful to the writers for NOT going there. cuz it was damn close ok. im not sure what the implication of this route is in terms of talia, jason and damian being a family unit but i want to believe talia sees jason as a son and damian’s brother (which is how she refers to him, damian’s brother) and not... yknow. i mean. jason raising a baby is kind of like a baby raising a baby...

no actually the reality of this scene is really dfuckin interesting like. they actually go with the “birth of the demon” (forget if it was birth of the demon or bride of the demon. one of those.) explanation for damian and that is something i’ve NEVER seen adapted so whoever wrote this can have a cookie and i kNOW this is something a certain someone will appreciate :)

not only that but the implications? are interesting? so talia’s claim is she miscarried so bruce won’t have to “choose” between damian and jason and idk if she’s supposed to be all on the-up-and-up in this universe but. i’m sitting here like GIRL YOU DON’T GOTTA DO THIS HE HAS A PRIVATE JET HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF SHARED CUSTODY and BETTER YET HE HAS A MANSION JUST GO ON MAURY AND GET THIS SORTED OUT RIGHT NOWwwww

i’m also LAUGHING at the implications of jason thinking theres anywhere on earth that he’s going to go and hide damian’s existence from bruce. because you already know he’s just going to be tearing the planet apart looking for jason so this is actually hilarious. imagine he finds jason in one piece and also a baby. his baby. he’d be like (@ talia) “OMG WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULDN’T WANT THEM BOTH u are tearing me apart talia......” BUT THEN HE WOULD BE SO FREAKING HAPPY BECAUSE HE HAS TWO ALIVE SONS AND HE THOUGHT THEY WERE BOTH DEAD / (lost to crime)!!!

please lord imagine all of jason’s angst probably just originating from the fact that he has a brain injury that hasn’t fully healed and the trauma of going through all those surgeries probably gave him a lot of fear / paranoia about bruce and associating him with the joker because his neural pathways are all messed up but after he leaves he starts slowly healing back and regaining some of his lost sanity and thats when he realizes he misses bruce so much... but hes also raising his child... and every day it gets more difficult for him not to just take damian and bring him home and i ;v;

anyway i thought this route, while it had a few inconsistencies in it, was really freaking interesting and it gave me feels and plot bunnies and is probably the one i want to write about the MOST despite the fact that baby damian looks like a character from one of those web flash games in this lol

“True” End - Jason Dies

now if you select that jason dies the route basically defaults to the canon of under the red hood and the fact that utrh does not come packaged with this movie is a rather mystifying choice to me as i don’t think this adaptation would stand on its own very well. like you need quite a bit of background to really get anything out of watching this on its own, which is probably why it’s classified as a “short” and not as its own movie.

instead of showing all of utrh, it seems they took the opportunity to give a ~30 minute recap of utrh with basically entirely reused animation but they allow bruce to sort of. give his dvd commentary over it.

the biggest feeling i have on this is that it’s sad that they had to waste 30 minutes like this that could’ve been used to do something new and much more interesting, but honestly i’m not mad. it seems kind of obvious that this choice was probably made for budget and/or runtime reasons because a short does not get the same budget set aside as a full length feature film does. so they basically took the option of recycling 30 minutes of animation from the movie and dubbing new audio over it.

in evangelion they ran out of budget and that’s why the last two episodes consist of nothing more than still pencil drawings and frames while the characters engage in philosophical debates concerning the nature of reality and human connection. and i really enjoyed that. and for the same reasons, i also really enjoyed this.

i enjoyed seeing the clark kent of this universe. i enjoyed that he was basically out on a date with bruce. i enjoyed that bruce was willing to open up for once and tell clark all of what happened with jason. but what really makes this segment shine bright are bruce greenwood’s line reads. there are SO MANY good line reads in here. and i LOVED how many times he said the word “son”. very wholesome. the way he describes how he felt during the final fight with jason? probs my favorite FUCKING part.

and then him and clark joking together about contingency plans and then they’re going to work together to find jason and i ;_; this is probably the closest thing to a “good” ending but as a continuation of utrh i thought it worked really well. i really want to believe that bruce and clark did find jason in this route and that there was some closure in the end even though we didn’t get to see it.

including clark in this was DEFINITELY the right move as well, considering that he played a rather large role in the original ditf so it’s a welcome nod.

The rest of the branches exist under a separate option where Bruce makes it in time to save Jason from the warehouse... but Bruce dies......... :O

let me tell you bout it... bruce’s fucking DEATH SCENE i don’t know WHAT my man bruce greenwood is on, but the freaking LINE READS in this dialogue had me making INHUMAN NOISES. LIKE NOT ONLY WAS THE DIALOGUE GOOD, NOT ONLY DID HE SAY “I LOVE YOU, SON”, but this man is just an amazing actor. not just voice actor, but actor. he really really really really gave it the most i don’t know how else to say it....... it was very very well done and punched me sideways in the heart and i haven’t recovered and i’m not going to recover. and

ok so once we get past that.... scene.... u have to choose whether you’re going to catch the joker or kill the joker. bruce asks jason to promise not to kill the joker but technically jason doesn’t promise so........

Let’s start by choosing to kill the Joker. Jason attends Bruce’s funeral and various members of the Justice League show up to talk with him and just generally hang out. He has Alfred, Dick and Barbara as his support system, but Jason has some other plans.

This leads to a scene in a cafe where Jason meets with a man who... something something Killing Joke, flashlight, more Barbara being used as a plot device when she deserves better, Jason kills the Joker with a butter knife.

Once you do this you can choose to surrender to the police, or retaliate and escape.

Jailbird Ending

basically if you surrender to the police jason ends up in prison where he can actually attack even more criminals so.... ya

If you retaliate and escape instead you go to the Red Robin route where Jason becomes a vigilante who kills people much like the Red Hood and you get a further choice in a fight with Two Face where you can control how Harvey’s coin lands.

Tim Ending!

If you choose the coin to land clean face up, the thing rewards you by having Tim show up and I forgot what happened (wasn’t really paying attention lol) because i was so focused on TIM!

Prolly they felt sorry for him what with Jason stealing what is essentially his outfit (ok I know it was Jason’s first, but Tim made it cool) so they let a little baby tim have an appearance :) he’s very smol

I guess in this ending Jason gets reintegrated with the family somehow and Tim becomes “Bat-kid” which is hilarious to me but you know what it’s cute. CUTE.

The one ending where the coin lands scarred side up

i honestly forget what happens if you choose to have the coin land scarred side up but let me just say this is a FUCKED route to take, not only have you had jason survive and bruce die, you’ve now chosen to kill the joker against bruce’s dying wish, you’ve chosen to attack the police, and at the end of that you really are gonna choose harvey’s coin to be scarred face up???? choosing this made me feel like a DICK because here i am supporting jason’s whole fall to madness and villainy thing the way it wants me to and now he’s gonna die HERE? i hate it here.

interestingly enough he doesn’t actually die in this route. he ends up at home with barbara and dick while dealing with the fact that he killed the joker but the route ends with jason saying “i promise” so i guess this is supposed to be kinda sad. im so confused lol ok

So that is all the options if you choose to kill the joker, I believe. You can also make the choice to just catch him instead of killing him but amazingly enough, those routes are even more FUCKED up.

If you do this option Jason goes home, mourns Bruce with Dick, Barbara and Alfred, and becomes Red Hood BUT with a twist, he’s entirely on a bloodless operation in line with Bruce’s wishes. OR.... IS HE?

Things then follow the events of UTRH until the scene on the bridge with the van and the guys. Jason finally confronts Joker, who reveals the truth.

Apparently in this route Jason has actually been killing and decapitating his victims just like in the original movie, but he’s repressed it so as to not even realize to himself that he’s doing it.

that is FUCKED. also. i wanna cry because jason doing all of that stuff but not even realizing it ;------; jason blocking it out, because he wanted to honor bruce’s wishes for him not to kill anyone ;______; but he’s doing it anyway ;_____; he’s actually hearing voices telling him to kill ;____; like it’s a very cheap twist in a sense and also really quite cruel but.... damn, son.

There is a branch here where you can choose to spare or kill the Joker at this point (UNDERTALE???) but from what I can tell it seems to be totally meaningless what choice you pick because you end up at the exact same point either way, I think there’s a small variation in what happens after you make the choice but after that they just coalesce back together into the following two endings. Which seems incredibly cheap to me, I mean making a choice like that should alter Jason’s path completely but, it doesn’t! So... ooook....

Either way Jason ends up on the Wayne building and Talia shows up with a re-animated Bruce from the pit. Here’s another fun blast from the 2011 past with more gratuitous Grant Morrison dreck, remember that shit? Well, they’re gonna jam it down your throat here, too.

The reanimated Bruce is the Zur En Arrh Bruce and he’s already dead so this is all meaningless but basically Jason fights him and you get to choose whether everybody lives or dies.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Lives!

if you pick this, jason actually gets the re-animated bruce back to the batcave and they lock him up down there because he’s still pit-mad and the prognosis is not great. but i’m not sure what they expected, he is the zur-en-arrh guy so I don’t think he’s getting better.

Zur En Arrh - Everyone Dies!

pretty much there’s an explosion and all three of them die and that’s it

I think that should be all the possible endings there are.

By the way the different ways in which black mask dies in this was actually a fairly clever running gag lollll. let that mf burn we don’t need no water.

overall there are a couple of things i would have done to SIGNIFICANTLY improve this adaptation beyond some of the obvious ones.

- the fact that all of the branching options are branched exclusively under the “jason lives and bruce dies” branch is a huge wasted opportunity. imo this is the most egregious problem with this, i was really looking for a more balanced tree / explanation of different things. i am probably super biased though being a fic writer and used to fic, we’re the ones making huge ass trees every day lol.

- the fact that there is no “good” ending here is something i kind of expected but given the context of this is lackluster. i sort of get it though because granted, the original ditf ends in an unresolved manner but it’s distinctly unsatisfying here. i secretly wanted an ending where bruce, like, figures out about the different endings and hacks reality to try to find a good ending where jason lives and everything is fine lmao. like a bat mite ending.

- i was disappointed in a sense that the narrative given in here is so basically simplistic? maybe i’ve been spoiled by games like 999 and undertale where shit gets messy and that’s not what this is supposed to be but when i play something with multiple endings in this day and age, at least play with the concept a little bit and connect some of the branches together narratively. use different devices. i was also hoping some of the choices would be a little bit meatier like you could choose to “forgive bruce” or something cool like that lol. but it looks like the majority of choices have to do with who lives or dies. and i felt like they couldve been a bit more creative with that ya know? being able to control harvey’s coin was a GREAT example of having some more fun with this.

- it is a huge missed opportunity not to have a “secret ending” on something like this. like where. the fuck. is my secret ending for completing everything. come on. and in a similar vein there should’ve been at least something in terms of bruce and jason interacting in a “true ending”. even if very brief. the closest thing to an ending this has is the “jason died” route and then the ending where he’s talking to clark which i feel like was a REALLY nice good optimistic ending as far as this goes, but it comes off as kind of disappointing i guess

there were SO many interesting nuggets locked into this thing though. i can’t deny it bugs me how many wasted opportunities there were with how they chose to structure things but i guess it’s the best you can do with limited runtime. i thought it was really well done though, makes an interesting companion piece to the original utrh, and is definitely something that i will be re-watching again soon!! overall i give it a 7/10 and some parts an 8/10+!

#a death in the family #death in the family #ditf #it was cool to see the different ideas they had to offer finally?#for what it was #it was kind of a collection of shorts and half spun ideas #plus i think about this shit like every day #so i cant help but be interested #someone come and talk to me about this #i really want to know #what ppl thought #spoilers #ditf spoilers #death in the family spoilers

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lloydskywalkers · 4 years

Text

a complicated profession

Chapter One

This is one of the longest, most self-indulgent fics I’ve written in a while and it is entirely @ninjawhoa‘s fault (and i mean that in the best way possible but u know). So the full inspiration for Kai and Nya as Mandalorians goes to them <3

Honestly the best way I can summarize this is to explain that I started it out saying “lol there’s no way I’m gonna write Lloyd as baby yoda”. then 11k words later. Lloyd as baby yoda.

(while you don’t technically need to have watched the mandalorian to understand this, it will kinda help and you’ll probably guess who Cole’s gonna be. plus it’s just a Good Show in general, so u should watch it)

Kai’s not a heartless person, despite what some people might say.

But he’s not the kind of person that keeps many regrets, either. In his line of work, he can’t afford to be. Mandalorians aren’t known for their expressiveness in the first place, and the helmet has long hidden any grimace he might make at his and Nya’s less…savory jobs. But he’ll never show it otherwise, because they are Mandalorian, which means they’re the best of warriors or bounty hunters to be had, and you don’t become the best by regretting who you blast in the back and who you freeze in carbonite this week.

But there are some things — a precious few — that he does regret, and he does hold on to. And one of the more current, glaring ones is that he really should have pressed for more information on their target this time.

Specifically in regards to its age.

“I thought they said it would be forty-six years old,” he says blankly, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice. For a moment, he’s glad that Nya’s still outside, covering him where he’s snuck in to the compound with the assassin droid. Because while the droid can’t tell that Kai’s gobsmacked, Nya absolutely could, and she’d never let him live it down.

The target stares up at him where it’s hidden itself beneath an old weapons rack, its eyes wide and curious on his helmet. It’s definitely their target, no question — Kai’s tracker hasn’t stopped going nuts since he got this close to it — but it’s also definitely not forty-six years old.

It’s a kid. No older than six, at most — a human boy, from appearance, but the red eyes staring back at him lead Kai to believe their target’s a lot more than just some human. That and the obscene bounty that’s sitting on it, and the ridiculous amount of guards they had to fight through to get this far.

The assassin droid takes a jerking step forward, the gear on the left side of its face glowing dark red, and the child curls back, the first movement Kai’s seen it make — though he can’t really blame it, after the shootout they’ve had right outside the door. It doesn’t speak, either, just continues to stare at him with those wide, crimson eyes, as if Kai’s the most fascinating thing it’s ever seen. Then those eyes flick to the droid, and the gaze turns frightened.

“Four to six,” the assassin droid clarifies, its voice as monotone as ever. “Species unknown.”

“It’s supposed to be older.” Kai knows his voice is too quiet, too young. He doesn’t sound as old as he’s pretending to be.

“A shame, that it will never be,” the droid clicks. “But its life ends here.”

The droid brings its blaster up, and the kid’s eyes clench shut. Kai’s moving before he can think, shoving the droid’s arm so the blaster isn’t trained on the kid.

“I’m supposed to bring it back alive,” he hisses.

“And I am supposed to bring it back dead,” the droid replies blandly, it’s glowing eyes staring at Kai’s helmet. “Step aside. It will yield less trouble for everyone this way.”

Kai stares at the droid, revulsion twisting in his gut. He hates droids.

But he also knows that this is an assassin droid for a reason, and that it’s proven a valuable ally as it is.

The droid pulls away, its blaster clicking back on. Kai turns back to the kid, all frightened eyes beneath its mop of golden hair.

The blaster levels with the kid’s head, and the fear turns to resignation. Kai knows that look.

For an awful half second, he sees another child huddled before him, another child alone in the world, tear-stained and hopeless and lost.

There’s a click of a trigger, and blaster fire flashes bright across the room.

***********************************

Nya’s just finished cleaning up the last of the stragglers who were guarding the compound by the time her brother finally emerges from it, scraping dark stains from the edge of her weapons with the gritty sand that drowns this planet. She scowls — she hates desert planets on a good day, because the sand gets all in the cracks of her armor and wears down the gears on their ship, but sand will always soak up blood better than anything else will.

She frowns at the bodies that litter the sand around them, scrubbing a hand over the plating of her helmet. They’ve gone through an awful lot of trouble for this job, more so than usual. Ronin wasn’t kidding when he said their client made a steep demand.

It had better be worth it, she thinks, as the familiar sound of her brother’s boots draws nearer. She blinks as he steps out of the compound, the absence of the CRY-11 droid he went in with painfully noticeable. Maybe there was a disagreement on who got the bounty…? The question is on her lips, when she finally catches sight of what’s in his arms.

Nya stares. Her brother is not dragging a struggling target to them. Her brother is holding a baby, the thing tucked close in his arms. Well — not a baby, exactly, if it’s big enough to cling to Kai’s armor like that, but — it’s a tiny kid.

“What is that,” she asks, her voice slow and measured through her helmet.

Kai tightens his grip on the shivering kid, who’s yet to unfurl his fingers where they grip tightly around his breastplate, face pressed into his shoulder. He’s silent for a beat, and the quiet feels loud, surrounding the two of them and the kid and the piles of dead bodies around them.

“Our payday,” Kai finally says, sounding eternally exhausted.

***********************************

It was supposed to be a simple target, if a difficult one.

Sure, their client was Imperial — or ex-Imperial, though either way is just as bad, in Kai’s opinion — but the guy was straightforward enough. A bit saccharine, a lot creepy, but clearly eager to pay for a target. And the payment — Kai hasn’t seen that much Beskar steel since their father’s smithy, and the prospect of winning at least some of it back, at least some of what the Empire took from their people, was too much to turn down (even if it did mean working with Imperials).

Not that he and Nya had been planning on turning him down in the first place. The downside about being the best bounty hunters on this side of the galaxy is that, eventually, they run out of targets that’ll earn them money. They’ve cleaned out all Ronin’s best offers, and they’d needed more.

It’s how they got this target. Not favoritism from Ronin — no matter what the other Hunter’s Guild members say — because as their planet’s head of local bounty headers, favoritism isn’t something he can afford showing. No, Kai and Nya got this target because they are the best, and they always follow through on a job.

But bounty hunting commissions are a two-way street, and Kai knew they should’ve pressed for more information than just “here’s a tracker, you’ll know the target when you see it”.

Then maybe they wouldn’t have ended up trekking across this awful desert with a kid in tow.

“What would a bunch of Imps want with a kid?” Nya asks again, brushing sand from where it’s collected in the corners of her elbow armor. “He doesn’t seem like he’s worth that much.”

“Tell that to the guard detail they had on ‘im,” Kai mutters, wincing at the new scorch marks on his armor. That steel payment is going to come in handy a lot sooner than he’d thought.

“Well yeah, but…” Nya’s helmet swivels toward the kid, where it’s yet to move from the patch of sand it’s claimed in their campground. It hasn’t said much of anything since Kai took it from the compound, but it hadn’t fought Kai either, so that’s something. Not trust, maybe, but the way the kid stares at them seems curious, which is a lot better than hostile.

Makes it easier for transporting it, and all.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Nya finally huffs, pulling her knees up to her chest, looking very much like the child she is, and a lot less like the callous assassin she’s supposed to be.

“You say that like Imperials have ever made sense,” Kai yawns, stretching his arms. “Look, our job is to bring the kid back, not to ask questions.”

“And to blast Guild assassin droids on the way?” Nya quips, drily.

Kai shrugs, his head tilting down. He wasn’t gonna let the droid just kill the kid. Even if the bounty hadn’t been a part of it, he’s not that heartless.

And he’d known the look in the kid’s eyes.

And he hates droids anyways, so it’s a win all around.

“I wonder what’s so special about him,” Nya murmurs, tilting her head at the child. It shifts under her gaze, almost anxiously.

Kai shrugs again, and turns his head as well. “Hey, kid. What’s your deal?”

He can feel the face Nya’s making at him beneath her helmet, but Kai ignores her, watching the kid intently. The kid stares back, blinking once at him.

Then it turns away, pulling the edge of Kai’s lent cloak tighter around its shoulders, and says nothing.

Kai bites back a sigh. He doesn’t know why he’s expecting anything more. It’s not like every quarry’s supposed to be jumping for conversation at being used as bounty. Heck, he doesn’t even know if the kid can talk. Or if it does, maybe it’s the wrong language…?

Kai doesn’t know why he’s trying to care.

“Eloquent as always,” Nya snorts. Kai throws her a gesture, and Nya retaliates by kicking sand up on him as she stands. “I’m gonna head back to the ship,” she says, shouldering her weapons. “Need to make sure nothing’s scrapped it yet. I’ve seen too many Jawas running around here.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kai smirks. “Checking back in with Jay while you’re at it wouldn’t happen to part of the plan, would it?”

Nya’s foot connects with his side this time, and Kai cackles instead of sweeping her leg out from under her. Nya’s helmet shakes side to side, and Kai can picture the blush she’s sporting beneath it.

“You are going to check back in with Jay,” she huffs. “We’ve still gotta thank him for helping us out, and the kid probably needs to eat eventually.”

“There’s always frogs,” Kai mutters.

“You are not letting him try and swallow a frog whole again,” Nya snaps, clearly not over the earlier incident, in which the kid had revealed a set of unnaturally sharp teeth, apparently trying to snack on one of the planet’s tiny amphibians.

“Maybe it’s naturally carnivorous, like the Togruta,” Kai shoots back. Nya crosses her arms. Kai crosses his.

The debate between calling the kid him or it has been ongoing since they left the compound, but Kai’s not budging. If you give your target humanity, you start to get in trouble.

“I’ll meet you at Jay’s, then,” he finally relents. “Be back before morning, alright?”

Nya makes a sound of amusement, the dying sunlight flashing off her helmet as she shakes it. She knocks armored knuckles against his own helmet, sending mild reverberations around Kai’s skull.

“I’ll be back when I’m back,” she says, but he catches the undercurrent of a promise in her voice. She turns away, her helmet tilting toward the kid where he sits unmoving, still silent. Her hand twitches, and for a moment, it looks like she’s about to reach a hand to ruffle his tangled hair.

Her hand finally goes loose, hanging limply by her side, and her helmet dips.

“Take care of the kid, okay?”

Kai nods. He almost scoffs, makes a comment — they won’t get paid for a dead kid.

But somehow, he knows that thought isn’t what makes her say it.

***********************************

Kai didn’t always live his life under a helmet. Probably wouldn’t have chosen too, necessarily, if given the choice — he’s got some pretty great hair, he likes to think, and perpetually hiding it is a tragedy in and of itself — but, that is to say, he’s not complaining.

Living with his head beneath a helmet is better than the alternative, which Nya always jokes would be living without a head at all.

Kai’s lips curl into a half-grin behind the helmet, in the way he only does when Nya jokes. It’s a half-truth; they both know that had the Mandalorians not seen to take them on as Foundlings, had they not swooped in at the last moment to rain blaster fire on the battle droids, then well…

Well. The little that would be left of them would likely be scattered in the streets with their parents.

The half-smile has now long since disappeared from Kai’s face, but no one could tell. Nya could, probably — she has a way of knowing him like that, just as he does her, exactly what face he’s making behind the helmet — but she’s not here now.

There’s a shuffling noise beside him, and Kai is abruptly reminded at what is here with him.

…alright, calling the kid a what does feel like too much. He should give it who, at least. The kid’s quiet, but there’s enough sentience, and enough expression in its eyes to communicate that its…well, a person.

A bounty, Kai reminds himself. A quarry. At the end of the day, the kid’ll be in someone else’s hands, and Kai’s own hands will be full of well-earned payment. It won’t do to go getting attached, or anything so blatantly stupid. Kai hasn’t gotten this far on sentiment.

The kid keeps staring at him with those eyes, the odd red glinting in the dying sun as it trudges beside him. Not for the first time, Kai wonders what, exactly, type of being the kid even is. It looks human, certainly. Its hair’s gold enough to pass for the Mandalorian royalty of the old Republic, and the teeth could be attributed to mixed blood. The eyes, too.

But the price on its head, for a simple human? Not likely.

Kai glances back at the kid, and is hit with an unpleasant jolt when he realizes it’s no longer by his side. There’s a brief moment of panic before Kai finds it, trailing just behind him, a scowl on its face as it trudges through the thickening sand.

It’s more expression than Kai’s seen on the kid all day, and it almost makes him laugh.

“Having some trouble, there?” he asks, watching the kid struggle up the sandbank in amusement.

The kid looks up, red eyes narrowing, and — “Slow.”

Kai blinks rapidly. He’s been about ninety-nine percent sure the kid can’t talk. So the quiet voice that suddenly comes from it is enough to give him pause, for a moment.

“So you do talk,” he manages. “Wanna tell me what you are?”

The kid finally reaches him, puffing its cheeks out as it breathes heavily, looking exhausted. It probably is, with the pace Kai’s been driving them at.

He doesn’t feel a pang of guilt at that, he tells himself.

The kid blows a breath out. “Slow,” it says again, voice dull.

Kai snorts in spite of himself. “You are slow, huh.”

The kid glares at him. Kai shakes his head, then steps forward, scooping the kid up and settling it on his back, like he used to with Nya when she was younger. The kid goes rigid for a beat, then Kai feels tiny fingers digging into the grooves of his armor, clinging tightly.

“Don’t get used to this,” Kai warns, as he continues to make his way across the barren wasteland. “It’s a one-time thing.”

The kid says nothing, but Kai wasn’t expecting anything, either.

***********************************

Nya’s already made it back to Jay’s outpost by the time Kai and the kid reach it, and judging by her irritated posture, their ship probably has been scrapped. That or Jay’s said something incredibly stupid again, which wouldn’t be unusual, but Nya normally finds Jay’s stupid to be funny, as opposed to…whatever’s put her in a mood.

Kai, on the other hand, does not find it funny, like how Jay laughs for a full ten minutes when he catches sight of the kid. He’s more tempted to slug him in the jaw, or something, because that’s Kai’s approach to almost everything that annoys him.

“This?” Jay says between snickers, as he stares at the kid. “This is what’s been tearing the planet apart?”

The kid’s been shifted back to his hip by now, and it hides its face in Kai’s armor, shrinking away from Jay. Something in the gesture makes Kai’s chest feels weird, so he glares at Jay instead, before remembering that Jay can’t see it.

“Apparently,” Nya answers for him, her voice weary. “It’s not exactly our usual bounty.”

“I’ll say,” Jay snorts, laughter still in his voice. He tilts his head, studying the kid with his bright eyes. Kai lets him inch closer, reluctantly. Jay’s loud and obnoxious, but he’s also one of the cleverest people Kai and Nya know in their corner of the galaxy. Normally, he’s just their repair guy — no one knows ships like Jay, whether they’re in the sky or on the ground, and he hasn’t gained a reputation as an ace pilot for nothing.

Why he’s chosen to stake out here, with the other best mechanic on this side of the galaxy, is still a mystery to Kai, but he’s one of the closest things they have to a friend, and at the end of the day, Kai does trust him.

“Yeah, I got no idea what he is,” Jay finally says, stepping back and running an oil-stained hand through his auburn hair. His mouth quirks up. “Hey, maybe he’s a Sith. Y’know, with the eyes?”

“Like the wizard people?” Nya says, her voice twisting, as if she’s wrinkling her mouth.

Jay rolls his eyes. “Sure, the wizard people. Geez, this galaxy forgets everything—” he cuts off, as if feeling the gazes he’s getting from behind both helmets. “I’m joking. Sith eyes are yellow. I’d guess he’s a mixed human, if anything.”

“It’s worth a lot, that’s what’s important,” Kai grouses.

Jay blinks, staring at the kid again.

“You’re seriously delivering a kid as a bounty?” he finally asks. His voice is even, guarded, but Kai doesn’t have to look far to find the carefully censored judgement in his voice.

“Well, the Imps want ‘im, and you know how they are when they don’t get what they want,” Kai says, sharply.

Jay’s smile disappears. Nya’s helmet swivels toward him, and Kai bites his tongue, mentally cursing himself.

Jay might be the loudest chatterbox he’s met in the galaxy, so it’s easy to forget sometimes. It’s not easy to forget why they come to him so often, because again, no one knows ships like Jay and no one does repairs like Jay, but it’s easy to forget where he comes from.

But the scars are there, hidden behind the sleeves of the blue jacket he always wears, and if Kai looks hard enough, he might even be able to decipher the Imperial brand beneath the mess of scarring Jay’s made over it.

Jay might have made it out, but Imperial slavery isn’t something you just walk off. Especially not when it’s taken both your home planet and your parents.

Jay’s bright eyes shutter, darkening at the mention. Kai wants to kick himself. He wishes Zane were here, like he often is to help with repairs — he’s always better at talking to Zane. Probably because Zane is a whole lot quieter, and doesn’t try so hard to make him talk back.

He’s saved by the kid lifting its head, red eyes watching Jay with an undecipherable expression. Jay shifts, a bit uncomfortably, and Kai gets it. The kid’s eyes feel a bit like the ocean — there’s too much in that gaze, and if you look too deep, you’ll end up lost.

Or maybe Kai’s just being dramatic again. He’s been told he does that a lot.

So maybe he’s too busy being dramatic to miss what happens next, but the next thing he knows the kid has suddenly reached out and has one little hand on Jay’s arm, like it’s trying to comfort him. Or maybe it’s gotten fed up of the way Jay squints at it, and it’s finally decided to try and shut him up, but—

Nope, Jay’s eyes are going the kind of watery that mean the kid’s done something right.

He gives a ragged breath, patting the kid’s hand before pulling away. “Cute kid,” he says, flashing a brief smile. He shakes his head, and something like regret crosses his face before he speaks again. “Alright. Let’s get your ship back together, so you can get out of my hair already.”

***********************************

As it turns out, their ship has been scrapped by Jawas while they were gone after all — typical — and that’s why Zane’s been missing.

“I managed to track them until they stopped,” he says, brushing crusted sand from his hair as he dismounts the speeder. The kid eyes him curiously from behind Kai, where it’s taken to standing most of the time. Kai’s pretty sure that it likes Jay, and it definitely likes Nya, but for some reason it’s picked Kai to stick to like a barnacle.

Persistent little brat.

“Did you take care of them, then?” Kai asks, carefully maneuvering the kid out of his path with his boot as he re-shoulders his weapon.

Zane gives him a blisteringly dry look, and despite the helmet Kai feels his cheeks heat.

“If by that you mean, ‘did I murder them all’, then no, I did not take care of them,” Zane sighs. “I did, however, manage to bargain with them, if you’re up for the task.”

“We’re up for any task,” Kai says hotly. “It’d just be a lot easier if we—“

“Shut up and listened to Zane, who’s been very helpful,” Nya interrupts him. Kai’s helmet swivels to her incredulously, and Jay snorts. Kai finally crosses his arms, slumping down on one of the radiators with a scowl. He glances to the kid, who’s decided to settle on his left, his own arms crossed in imitation of Kai’s.

It’s almost enough to lift his mood.

“Can you believe this, kid,” he mutters instead. “Sold out by my own sister.”

“I didn’t sell you out,” Nya huffs. “I’m trying to get us our ship back. What’s the bargain, Zane?”

Zane purses his lips, suddenly looking a bit hesitant. “Well, that’s the difficult part,” he says. “You could pay them in credits—“

“Imperial?” Kai asks.

“New Republic,” Zane replies. Nya mutters a curse.

Kai exhales wearily. “And the other option?”

Zane winces. “There’s a Krayt Dragon egg,” he begins.

He doesn’t need to finish. Kai knows what that look on his face means, even if he knows little else about Zane.

While Kai and Nya know Jay’s past well enough, Zane’s is a mystery. Maybe it’s just because he’s quieter than Jay, and a lot less likely to blurt out his entire backstory after one glass of Corellian whiskey, but the most Kai’s ever been able to pick up about Zane’s past is that he doesn’t like talking about it. He was with the Rebel Alliance at some point, though he’s quiet about his experience in it, and it lead him to Jay, who he’s stuck with ever since. The two are formidable mechanics and crackshot pilots, and combined they’re solid allies to have on your side.

Except, of course, when they suggest tackling Krayt Dragons as means to win back their ship parts.

“No way,” Nya says. “Nuh-uh. We’d like to come out of this one alive, thanks.”

“Yeah, no offense, but that armor’s seen better days,” Jay says, looking pointedly at Kai. “I don’t think they’d be here to claim the ship parts after that, Zane.”

Kai’s common sense evaporates, as it tends to do when literally anyone underestimates him.

“Excuse me, we’re not the best bounty hunters on this side of the galaxy for nothing,” he snaps, glaring at Jay. “Armor or not. Some of us don’t need fancy tools to get the job done.”

Jay’s mouth screws up. “I literally make fancy tools for you to get the job done with on a weekly basis—“

“Zane,” Kai says, studiously ignoring Jay, who doesn’t know what he’s talking about at all, clearly. “Did they give you coordinates?”

Nya makes a muffled sound of agony, and the kid glances up at him curiously. The edge of Zane’s mouth tilts up, as if he’d known Kai would be on board from the very start.

“You won’t need them,” he says. “The sound will be enough.”

***********************************

The sound is enough. More than enough, in fact, Kai thinks, gritting his teeth as the Krayt Dragon’s screech reverberates through his helmet.

“Kai, get up!”

Nya’s screech of terror almost rivals it though, the panic in her voice triggering a rush of adrenaline in Kai’s battered body. He forces himself to roll just in time, the dragon’s sharp claws sinking into the sand where his head had been. Kai’s armor clanks as he moves, scrambling wildly to his feet, and he bites back a curse. It pains him to admit it — in more ways than one — but Jay was right. They’re going to need to put that Beskar steel right toward new armor, if they survive long enough to actually get their payment.

“Why won’t this thing go down!” Nya grunts, one of her curved knives flashing as the dragon’s tail sends it flying.

“Hit it with the flamethrower again!” Kai calls, fiddling with the controls on his own. He’s regretting having used his own flamethrower as much as he has — his fuel stores are dangerously low.

“Why is that your answer to everything!” Nya snaps, which may have less to do with irritation toward him than it does the dragon that just tried to eat her left leg. “It’s a dragon, this thing won’t burn, idiot!”

It hasn’t met me yet, Kai wants to bite back, but he’s forced to shut his mouth as his next shot goes ricocheting off the dragon’s skin, just before it bowls him over.

“Kai!”

Nya’s scream of visceral horror bounces around his battered brain as the dragon tries its best to trample him, Kai desperately flailing as he tries to stay alive. One of its legs hits his chest, and there’s an ominous crackling sound as he shrieks, fighting back tears of pain. Razor-sharp, dripping teeth flash in his vision, and Kai prepares to shut his eyes even as his brain kicks into overdrive.

He can’t die now, he can’t, he promised, Nya—

Then — relief, blessed relief as he can breathe again. Kai doesn’t dare to hope, but a beat passes. Then another, and another, and there’s no awful sensation of teeth tearing into him. Nya’s gone quiet. Kai frowns, then carefully lifts the arm he’s flung over his face, blinking.

He immediately wishes he’d kept his eyes shut, because that would make this whole thing much easier to explain.

Kai gapes open-mouthed at the Krayt Dragon where it flails mid-air, held hovering by some unseen force as it struggles. Nya’s dropped both her weapons, her arms swinging limply where she stares at the scene as well. Kai’s about to start questioning his sanity, when there’s a small grunting noise from beside him, and he turns.

Oh, that doesn’t help, either.

The kid’s got one arm outstretched toward the dragon, his eyes furrowed and his mouth all set and strained. His arm tremors, and the dragon wavers mid-air, before the kid catches himself, making a face and concentrating. The dragon’s limbs go stiff, as if held by invisible ropes, and it gives a screech of frustration, claws scratching uselessly at the air.

Kai begins questioning his sanity.

Maybe I am dead, he thinks, hazily.

“What,” Nya says, sounding utterly flabbergasted. “The hell.”

“He’s gotta be one of them,” she insists, after they’ve traded the Jawas their disgusting dragon egg for their ship parts. (They’ve left the dragon alive, if worse for wear, which was a lot more than it deserved, if you asked Kai.)

“Those — those wizard people Jay was talking about, y’know?” Nya continues eagerly. “I heard they were supposed to have crazy powers like that, mind stuff and levitation and — and he’s gotta be one of them.”

“What, a Jedi?” Kai scoffs, his eyes straying to kid where he’s slumped in his arms, solidly out for the count after the stunt he’d pulled. “Yeah, and I’m the prince of Naboo. The Jedi are dead, Nya.”

“No, they aren’t,” she says stubbornly, and Kai can imagine her lip sticking out. “There’s that Rebellion hero, the pilot? He’s a Jedi.”

“That’s a legend they made up to get people to join, Nya.”

“Then how do you explain him?” Nya finally says, throwing her arms out and gesturing. The kid’s eyes drag open blearily, and he stares at her in sleepy confusion. Nya’s arms immediately drop, and she lowers her voice.

“How do you explain what he did back there,” she says, less aggressively this time. “Because you can’t write that off as a legend.”

“I don’t know,” Kai says, for what feels like the hundredth time, and it grates at him. He doesn’t like not knowing things, but this is…beyond the comprehension he’s ever expected to need. “It explains why he’s worth so much, though.”

“I’ll say,” Nya mutters. “It’s ‘cause he’s a Jedi.”

“He’s Jedi bounty then,” Kai says flatly, as they finally reach their ship, still anchored near Jay’s outpost. “The important thing is, we got our parts back. Now let’s get them on.”

“You’re hopeless,” Nya huffs, but she complies, dropping her weapons and grabbing for a welding torch. “I’ll get started, you — no, you sit here with the kid.” She shoves at him, pushing him away from the parts and down onto an open patch of sand. “Jay’ll be out in a bit, and he can help me. You need to rest those ribs.”

“I’m fine,” he protests, but his ribs twinge as he sits, and the kid’s weight hasn’t been helping things. Nya’s helmet gleams in the moonlight as she tilts her head, and Kai can feel her judgement.

“I’m sitting,” he grumbles.

“Good,” Nya says, and he doesn’t miss the flicker of relief in her voice. “Keep the kid safe.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kai sighs, shifting the kid from his arms and setting him down next to him. He gives a breath of laughter, muttering, “Maybe he’ll keep me safe."

The kid doesn’t pipe up, pulling his legs up to his chest as he wraps his arms around them, yawning instead. Kai shakes his head, his eyes drifting to where Nya works on the ship, then back to the kid again. He thinks of the way the kid had held the Krayt Dragon earlier, of the power that might lie in that tiny frame.

“Well, you might not be a Jedi, but you’re definitely something, short stuff,” Kai sighs, wincing as his shoulder twinges again. He’s not likely to forget how vicious Krayt Dragons can be anytime soon, that’s for—

“Lloyd.”

The kid’s voice is so quiet, Kai almost misses it. He blinks, then turns to the kid.

“What?”

The kid shuffles, then jabs his thumb at his own chest. “Lloyd,” he repeats, firmly. “Name. That’s mine.”

It is, quite possibly, the most Kai has heard the kid say at one time. It’s also surprising, for some reason, that he’s got a name, though it shouldn’t be.

“Lloyd,” he says, running the name over his tongue. It doesn’t sound like a name from anywhere around here. “Where’s that from?”

The kid stares at him, then looks away, one of his shoulders jerking up in a half-shrug much like Kai does.

“Don’t know,” he says, and Kai barely catches the sad little thread of emotion in his voice.

Barely, but it’s there.

Kai bites his lip, grateful, as always, that his expression is hidden from the world. It makes his next gesture much easier to write off as casual — simply draping his cloak over the kid’s shoulders to ward off the cold of the desert night. Nothing more.

The kid’s fingers wrap tightly around the tattered cloak edges, pulling it close, and something in his expression softens. Kai feels unreasonably satisfied with himself.

He’s really not a bad kid, for an unreasonably high-priced bounty, Kai thinks to himself.

And yes, he’s fully aware that he’s switched from it to him, and he knows that this is more than likely going to end in pain, but hey. The kid pretty much just took down a Krayt Dragon to single-handedly to save him.

It’s the least he can give him.

Besides, it’s not like he’s about to start using his name.

***********************************

They get their ship repairs finished in record time. Nya argues that Jay and Zane get their ship repairs done in record time, along with Nya’s help, and Kai had zero contribution whatsoever — but Kai reminds her that he was the one to get trampled by a Krayt Dragon for this, so he’s put in more than his fair share of work, thank you very much.

“All you did was lie there,” Nya huffs, as they rocket through hyperspace. “The kid did more work than you.”

Normally Kai would have a snappy retort to give back, but Nya’s voice sounds dangerously…well, dangerous. There’s been a heavy cloud of gloom hanging over her since they waved goodbye to Jay and Zane, more so than there usually is. And, as much as Kai knows part of it is probably from having to leave Jay behind again, he’s not dumb enough to realize that a lot of Nya’s bad mood has to do with their destination.

It’s not like he’s thrilled about it himself.

He lets her words linger instead, the two of them falling into silence where they sit, pilot and co-pilot as always in their ship. There’s an ongoing argument over who fills what role, but Nya’s in a bad enough mood to let Kai take the lead for today, at least.

It’s a hollow victory. Flying with Nya is one of the few things about this job he enjoys, the two of them racing through the galaxy, untethered by anyone or anything. Set upon by the heavy silence as they are now, though, it’s more depressing than anything.

There’s a quiet rustling, and a mop of bright blond hair pops up at Kai’s side, the kid going up on tip-toes as he strains to peer over the ship controls. His mouth falls open as he catches sight of the blurring blue lights of hyperspace, the streaming lines reflecting in his wide eyes. Nya’s helmet doesn’t move, but Kai knows her eyes are on the kid. He turns his head, letting the kid know his are, as well.

“Never seen space before?” he asks, keeping his tone even.

The kid shakes his head, the lights shifting in his eyes as he does. “Don’t remember,” he murmurs, sounding awestruck.

Kai swallows uncomfortably. The kid looks dazzled, more emotive than he’s been since Kai carried him out from that compound. There’s a sinking part of him that’s trying to figure out what the kid’s gonna look like when Kai hands him over for the bounty, and he needs to go ahead and smother that.

He’ll find out soon enough, anyways.

The kid suddenly moves, a skinny arm reaching out across the controls, and—

“Hey, I need that!” Kai exclaims, as the kid steps back, the ball-like knob from the center stick he’d snatched grasped firmly in his hands. The kid dodges his grasp, prize held tightly to his chest, and Nya gives a muffled snort of laughter.

Kai takes a breath. “Kid—“

The kid ignores him, stepping back to the spare seat he’s been huddled in. He turns the knob over in his hands, eyes curious, before shifting so he’s sitting cross-legged. He then cups his hands around the knob, leaving the little ball to hover mid-air, suspended.

Kai wants to run a hand through his hair. Or hit his head against the flight controls. He does neither, groaning quietly instead.

“We’ve picked up a mutant freak.”

“Be nice,” Nya warns, her helmet still fixed toward the kid. “He might turn his wizard powers on you, next.”

“They’re not called wizards, Nya, they’re called Jedi, and he isn’t one.“

“Maybe he’s a Sith, then.”

“Sith eyes are yellow, Jay said so, his are clearly red.”

“Maybe Jay was wrong, then.”

“Maybe Jay was wrong?” Kai repeats, incredulous. “Glad you’re finally seeing sense, but that’s a new one.”

“Shut up,” Nya mutters, and Kai can clearly picture the dark stain that’s spreading across her cheeks. “He knows more than you do, you — you nerf-herder.”

“Nerf-herder?!” Kai swivels in his chair, pointing a finger toward her. “You watch your mouth, you under-grown womp rat—“

“I will curse you out in Huttese—“

The tiniest of sounds cuts through their argument, soft and light. Kai blinks rapidly, turning as Nya does to stare at the kid, who’s exhaling on the end of a giggle, hand over his mouth and his eyes bright. The smile fades at their attention, and he ducks his head — but there’s still that edge of happiness in his expression, the slight turn at the corners of his mouth.

“…he laughed at us,” Nya says, blankly.

“Well,” Kai says, willing his voice to sound light and failing completely. “We’re funny people.”

Nya says nothing in reply, but Kai can feel her stare on him through his helmet. The kid makes a quiet humming noise, turning the little knob over in his hands again. Kai sets his jaw, then snatches the knob away from the kid.

“S’not a toy,” he says at the kid’s wounded expression, twisting the knob back in place. He doesn’t look pleased with this answer, but the kid doesn’t put up an argument either, sinking back in his seat and pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he stares out at the streaking stars.

Nya’s helmet swivels from him to the kid, then back again. “Kai—”

“Don’t,” he warns. “Don’t, Nya. This is how we get in trouble.”

She makes a quiet sound of frustration. “This is different. We’ve never…”

Kai blows his breath out, long and slow. “I know. I know, but Nya, we took the job.”

Nya’s hands tighten on the controls. “Screw the job.”

Kai jerks his head toward her, wishing for once that she could see his expression. “Not with this client. They’re Imperials, they’re too dangerous.”

“They’re Imperials,” Nya repeats, emphatically. “That should make it worth the danger.”

Kai presses his lips together, but he doesn’t argue back. He knows, he knows. He knows why Nya wants to abandon the job right now, because he does too. The very idea of handing their kid over to the client is making his stomach turn.

And yeah, he has zero love for Imperials. He has love for blasting them, maybe, but that’s as far as it goes, and he wouldn’t lose any sleep over going back on a job for them.

But then they’d lose the job. They’d lose their payment, they’d lose their place in the Guild, probably, and they’d walk out with a price on their heads and hunters coming after them.

It’s not worth it. Kai feels for the kid, he really does, but Nya comes first.

She can argue all she wants, but they both know it’s Kai’s call that will win out in the end.

***********************************

They land back at the Guild only a few days after they’d left it, but it feels like years have passed to Kai. Nothing’s changed, the dirt-lined streets still filled with the same eyes, but now those eyes are turned toward the small straggler clutching the end of Kai’s cloak where he hides between Kai and Nya’s steps.

Nya steps closer to the kid, her hand holding his tightly on instinct, something protective in her stance. Kai fights the growing feeling of nausea in his gut as he leads the way, hoping his helmet conveys enough intimidation to keep any lingering Guild members from trying to snatch their bounty last-minute. They’ve come this far, and it’d be a shame to end the job with a firefight in the middle of the street.

Or maybe he just wants to stretch out the last bits of protection he can give the kid as long as he can, before he hands him off for who knows what.

Kai’s eyes stray to his side against his will, watching the way the kid takes in the town with wide, curious eyes. There’s still a marked tinge of fear in them, that Kai is beginning to doubt will ever leave, but he looks…less terrified. More trusting.

Trusting of them, and if that doesn’t scrub salt in a wound.

Nobody attacks them, and Kai finds himself almost disappointed. All too quickly, they’re retracing a familiar path to their client, and Kai can spot all the hidden cameras this time. The steps toward the hidden compound feel heavy, like his boots have turned to lead. Nya is silent where she walks beside him, the kid’s hand gripping her gloved fingers tightly. It’s the weighted kind of silence, the kind that means she’s upset.

Kai isn’t feeling ecstatic himself, but they took a job.

They’re Mandalorian. They finish the job.

This is the way.

The doors slide open with little prompting this time, and the kid shrinks behind Nya as the white-armored troopers threaten to crowd closer. Kai’s fingers twitch toward his weapon, and they edge off. They don’t leave his back though, following them through the compound, and the eyes on his back burn.

They finally reach the client and his hollow eyes, seated in his dim room as if he hasn’t moved since they left. His face stretches into a leering sort of smirk as his eyes land on the kid, and something gleams to life in his dead eyes. It’s a hungry look, one that makes Kai’s stomach twist and turn, his heart sinking further.

“Well done,” the client rasps, his voice thick with satisfaction. “Well done indeed."

He pulls their payment from below his desk, the Beskar steel glinting in the dim light. The brief thrill Kai feels at the amount is stifled as their client nods his head at the stormtroopers once, then to the kid. They step toward them, clanking steps echoing heavily, and Nya goes stiff. For a minute, Kai fears she’s going to make a scene. That she won’t let them get any closer, that she’s about to shove the kid behind her and run.

For a half-second, Kai fears he might do the same.

They don’t move. Years of bounty hunting don’t allow for that weakness.

The troopers take the kid, handing him off to a dark-haired scientist. For his part, the kid barely struggles, a myriad of expressions crossing his face before his head droops, something like resignation in his eyes.

From behind her helmet, Kai thinks he hears Nya swallow.

“Your payment, as promised.”

Kai takes it automatically, the steel heavier in his hands than he’d thought it be. He doesn’t like it as much as he thought he would.

“The kid,” he says, his mouth running before he can stop it. “What’s going to happen to him?”

Nya’s helmet swivels sharply toward him, and Kai ignores her. The client raises a single eyebrow, and the gleam in his eyes gains a cold edge.

“I didn’t know it was customary for your kind to ask after their bounty,” he says, carefully.

Kai doesn’t reply. The client raises his head, as if to stare at Kai down the end of his nose.

“What I do with the child is my business,” he says, his voice flat. “I suggest you return to your own.”

The stormtroopers around them adjust their hold on their weapons, just enough to be threatening, and Kai knows this conversation is over. He nods sharply, pushing away from his seat and taking the rest of the steel as he stands. Nya follows after a beat, her posture stiff and brittle.

The troopers part to let them leave, though Kai can feel the stares burning into his back as he goes. He doesn’t care — their business here is done. They have no reason to bother Kai or Nya anymore.

But Kai is a stupid, stupid moron, and he does turn back, once, before they leave the compound.

The kid’s eyes burn into his, hollow and heartbroken, and Kai struggles to breathe behind his helmet.

This is the way, he repeats in his head. He keeps telling himself that until his feet obey him again.

***********************************

Nya says nothing as they make their way back, her silence icy and biting. Her fingers flex over her weapons as she stomps up the ramp of the ship, but she stares resolutely ahead, heading straight for the cockpit. Kai follows after her slowly, dragging himself slowly through the ship and up the ladder. Everything feels heavy. Their new armor, freshly crafted by Mystaké from the steel, is beautiful. Stronger and sturdier than anything they’ve worn before, and they look more Mandalorian than they ever have.

Kai tries to find joy in that, but he can’t. The pauldrons weigh too heavily on his shoulders, and all he feels is tired. Bone-dry and wrung out, like he’s spent everything he’s had on this mission. Numb.

He swallows as he takes a seat next to Nya, then bites back a curse. No, he doesn’t feel numb — and that’s the problem.

Firing up the ship is second-nature by now, and he doesn’t need Nya’s help the bring the engines to life. He can pilot them out of the atmosphere just fine by himself, get them as far away from this stupid planet as possible. Maybe they can go to Naboo, or Felucia, or anywhere that’s not a cursed desert planet. Just as long as it’s far enough away from prying eyes that they can finish their next job in peace, without his insides tearing themselves to pieces like—

Kai goes still, the engine puttering. Nya’s head turns the slightest bit toward him at the hesitation. He should’ve taken off minutes ago, the ship’s ready, but Kai’s fingers just…freeze, right over the knob on the center stick.

He swallows again, and it sticks in his throat this time. Something inside him is burning, twisting and dying with every movement. His arms feel leaden where he’s left them, frozen stiffly over the little ball, and for a second he can’t breathe again.

Those eyes. The kid’s eyes.

Kai wants to curse. His helmet is too hot, tight and constricting. They should leave. They should leave now, with their armor gleaming and their record clean, Nya safe and their ship intact, they should leave.

But that will mean leaving Lloyd behind, in the clutches of the Imperials.

Kai is not a force-sensitive. He can’t be, because he doesn’t put stock in the Force. But he can imagine, if he did, that their fabled visions feel much like the scene he sees flash before his eyes now. The kid and his gentle eyes, his burning eyes, torn apart and broken by the Imperials like every other thing they touch.

Lloyd.

Kai’s fist squeezes closed, gloved fingers biting into his palms. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t, he can’t, if he does he’s going to ruin everything. He’s going to wreck everything they’ve built to pieces and he’s going to put him and Nya in more danger than they’ve ever been in, hands down. They’ve got their payment, they’ve done their job, they’re legendary now. It would be stupid, it would be so, so stupid.

Unfortunately, stupid has always been one of Kai’s stronger points.

Kai swears out loud this time, and Nya jumps. Aw, to heck with it. What good is being rich if he can’t live with himself, anyways.

He kicks himself up from the seat, muttering under his breath. Nya snaps up beside him, looking to him as if she’s holding her breathe.

“Stock up on the good weapons,” Kai grumbles, already shouldering his heaviest blaster. “An Imperial compound’s gonna be tougher to break into than we’re used to.”

Nya lets out a loud, shaky breath of relief. Kai can’t see her expression, but he doesn’t need much to know that she’s beaming behind her helmet.

“I knew it,” she says, and the smile’s in her voice. “I knew you couldn’t do it.”

“Oh, shut up,” Kai mutters. “I’m not heartless.”

“No,” Nya says, with entirely too much fondness in her voice for someone who’s pocketing miniature missiles. “You’re just a good person.”

Kai frowns, jabbing a finger in her face as he shuts the ship down. “That was uncalled for,” he says. “Watch who you slander.”

Nya huffs a laugh, sliding the now nearly-empty weapons cabinet closed as she follows behind him. They cut a quick pace, and it takes every fiber of Kai’s being not to break into a dead sprint as they retrace their earlier path.

We’re coming, you stupid kid, he thinks fiercely. We’re coming back, so you better not have given up, because we’re about to fight a battalion of Imperials for you—

Well. There weren’t that many stormtroopers in the compound, Kai assures himself, as they turn another corner, followed once again by too many eyes. It shouldn’t be that bad.

***********************************

It’s bad.

Kai should never make assurances to himself, ever. Or promises, at that, because he sucks at keeping them. Heck, he can’t even keep to a job, since he’s pretty sure burning down half the house of his employer goes against a couple of rules.

But still. It might not be that bad, but it’s definitely bad.

“—backup, we need backup, it’s the Mandalorians, you fool—“

The unfortunate trooper’s call for help is cut off abruptly as Kai’s laser blast catches him in the helmet, sending him slumping to the floor. Kai gets only a moment of victory before another smattering of blaster fire sends him to the floor, scrambling for cover.

“Left door!” Nya hollers at him, her durasteel blade whistling as she catches a trooper in the ribs. “Three — no, four more!”

Kai nods sharply, shifting his blaster aside as he reaches for his wrist instead. Taking a quick breath, and shoots up from behind the table he’d been hiding behind, flicking the panel on his wrist as he faces down the newcomers.

The room flares bright as a blast of superheated flames erupts from Kai’s wrist, sending the troopers screaming. He spins in place, setting the room ablaze along with any remaining enemies. A gleeful sort of expression twists his lips as the fire grows, the heat feeding directly into the adrenaline coursing through him.

Take that, you dirty Imperials—

“Kai!” Nya’s shriek cuts through his haze of pyromania, jerking him back to the present, which is apparently him burning the entire room down. “Would you stop with the flamethrower already!” Nya howls at him, from where she’s had to duck behind a stack of crates to avoid incineration. Kai almost scoffs. As if he’d ever hit Nya on accident.

…he should probably watch it with the flames, though. Maybe a bit. Nya’s cape looks like it’s smoldering at the edges.

“Sorry, sorry,” he hisses, switching the flamethrower off and batting at the edge of his sleeve, which is also smoldering from the heat.

“Get it together,” Nya snaps, darting out from the crates and plastering herself against the doorway, glancing around the corner. “We gotta find Lloyd before they try anything.”

Right. The remind of why they’re here sinks in Kai’s stomach like ice, and he shakes his head, following behind Nya as they race through the compound. So far, they’ve had the element of surprise on their side — no one’s expected them to come back after having been paid, that’s for sure. But their client’s quick on the uptake, Kai will give him that. He can already hear the sound of clanking footsteps down the hall over the blaring of alarms, which means their time window is shrinking by the second.

“Come on, come on,” Nya hisses, the tracker in her hand beeping quicker the further into the compound they get. They round a corner stained with blood and Kai feels sick, picking up the pace as the tracker starts wailing, signaling that they’re close.

“Here, he’s in here!” Nya yelps, kicking savagely at the sealed blast door. “Kai, the door—“

Kai doesn’t need to be told twice, already aiming his blaster at the lock. “Get back,” he warns — then the blaster flashes, and the lock explodes into pieces, the door sliding open.

Nya makes it in the room first, her hand waving frantically as if to clear the smoke crowing around them. Kai is immediately after, and he’s the first to spot the droid, gunning it down without hesitation. His eyes dart around the room, landing on the cowering scientist in the corner, the two stormtroopers scrambling to their feet, the blinking machines, and—

There.

There’s a figure strapped to the table, too small to be a trooper, a shock of blond hair—

Kai’s blaster is flashing before he can even think, and the two stormtroopers drop, dead on impact. He leaves the doctor alive, just in case, because he doesn’t know what they wanted with Lloyd and if they’ve hurt him—

“Kid, kid, wake up, come on,” he breathes, snapping through the restraints with his blade. He’s vaguely aware of Nya securing the scientist, her blade leveled at him and her eyes glued on Lloyd. The kid’s eyes are closed, and there are dried tracks on his cheeks that used to be wet that Kai will hate himself for later — but he shifts as Kai finally tears the last of the straps free, his brow furrowing as he brings his hand up to scrub at his eyes as they flutter open.

The kid blinks, wide red eyes focusing on his helmet, and his mouth falls open.

“Kai?” he whispers.

Kai’s chest constricts, because he knows he never told the kid his name, but he’s learned it anyways.

“Hey,” he says, weakly, because he’s bad with this, he’s bad at caring for other people, and admitting it might feel like it’ll kill him but leaving behind Lloyd almost had—

The kid freezes, his expression spasming, before he throws himself at Kai—

And squarely punches him in the chest.

“Oof — hey, kid, stop — kid — Lloyd—“

Kai grabs at the kid’s struggling hands in vain. Lloyd just tugs free and hits him in the shoulder, harder this time, tiny fists battering against his thick armor.

“You left me behind,” the kid gets out, his voice cracking in all the worst places, angry and hurt. It’s the longest sentence Kai’s heard him speak, and it makes him want to throw up. “You left me.”

“I know, I know,” he babbles frantically, alarmed at this turn of events. This isn’t — he’s bad at this—

He gives Nya a look, his shoulders jerking helplessly. Her helmet inclines dangerously, and Kai turns back to the kid.

To heck with it.

Lloyd goes in for another swing, and Kai catches his wrist this time and pulls it, trapping the kid to his chest and wrapping his arms around him, holding tight. He struggles briefly, but Kai can feel him weakening, the fight draining.

“I’m sorry,” Kai murmurs. “I’m sorry, Lloyd. I won’t. Ever again. I promise.”

It’s one he’ll keep, he swears to himself, slotting the promise right next to the one he made to Nya long ago.

And maybe Lloyd senses that too, with whatever freaky powers he has or not, because he finally goes limp, the fight leaving him completely as he clings back, sniffling.

The kid’s voice is raw and scratchy, but there’s a fierceness to it that makes Kai wonder if he wouldn’t have been able to get himself out eventually on his own. “Never again.”

“Never again,” Kai echoes.

“And you call me sentimental,” Nya mutters, but he can hear the smile in her words.

***********************************

They don’t kill the scientist, in the end. It grates a bit, but he really didn’t hurt Lloyd — kept him alive, actually, if his word is anything to go by — and now they’ve got the word of an ex-Imperial scientist that he’ll help them out once he’s in a better position to do so, as long as they can remember the name Borg, or whatever.

Kai hopes Nya listened to him, because he’s too busy trying not to dissolve into panic at the increasing amount of hostiles showing up on his sensors.

There are few troopers left in the compound to stop them on their way out, but they put up a fight. Kai feels a flicker of apprehension that they’ve yet to see their client again, but he shrugs it off as the doors come back into view, the dimming evening sky clear outside. They break out of the compound at a dead sprint, Lloyd tucked into the crook of his arm and Nya at his side — only to immediately skid to a stop. Kai swears.

He’s forgotten the sheer amount of bounty hunters that also wanted in on the kid, and are probably more than happy to get another chance. Apparently, they’re all here to claim it at once. Fantastic.

Nya’s the first to move, turning to the figure standing a the front of the pack, his eyepatch glinting in the dying sunlight.

“Ronin,” Nya says, weakly. “Please.”

Ronin almost looks regretful, something at the corners of his mouth creasing at Nya’s plea.

“Kid,” he says, heavily. “You know I can’t. There’s cutting you slack, then there’s this.”

Nya sucks in a breath, her eyes doubtlessly landing on the dozens of blasters trained on them. Lloyd remains deadly silent in his arms, but Kai can feel the fear radiating off of him in waves. He tightens his hold on him, hoping it’s reassurance.

For himself, somewhat, too.

Nya’s helmet swivels from Ronin to Kai, then back to Ronin. Kai holds his breath. If anyone can change Ronin’s mind, it’s Nya.

Ronin’s expression twists in pain. “Look, just hand the kid over,” he says, and it sounds like he’s the one pleading now. “Just give the kid back and I’ll sort the whole thing out, okay? I can swing it, I can clear you both. All you gotta do is hand the kid back, and you’ll be fine.”

Lloyd shudders in his hold, and Kai pulls him tighter to his chest, his stance defensive.

“You know we can’t,” Nya murmurs.

There’s another flash of pain across Ronin’s expression, before he steels it. “I’ll miss you,” he says, his voice void of emotion. “But there’s always someone else to take your place.”

The sound of the safety clicking off blasters echoes across the street, and Kai’s hand strays to his gauntlet, ready to unleash the flames once more. He’ll get the kid behind him, shove him off to Nya before telling her to run, and maybe — if he can cause enough of a fight — the two can get out of here. He’ll be breaking his promise, but at least Nya and Lloyd will have a chance.

That’s enough for him, he tells himself, fingers millimeters from unleashing the flames. That’s enou—

A bounty hunter to his left lets out a sharp cry, before dropping to the ground. Kai’s head jerks toward him, before there’s another scream, another hunter dropping.

And that’s all the warning they get before the street explodes into utter chaos, missiles streaking back and forth and the roar of jetpacks mixing with the screams. Kai throws himself into Nya, twisting last-minute so he’s covering them both, and hurls them toward an alleyway just as the street they were on explodes.

His vision goes hazy, ears ringing as the world spins sideways. This would be a nice time to take a nap, he thinks dizzily.

There’s a gentle touch at his shoulder, and he’s jostled as someone shakes him.

“Kai. Kai, get up.”

He blinks his eyes open at the kid’s frightened voice, and is met with a pair of red eyes staring down at him in open terror. The terror melts into relief as Kai groans, slowly pushing himself up.

“Okay?” the kid asks, insistently, as if the utter carnage exploding on the street next to them isn’t even happening.

“M’fine,” Kai moans, reaching for his weapon as he reorients himself. “What’s — where’s Nya—“

His eyes catch on her, and his heart almost stops.

Nya’s moving, pushing herself up with a light moan, her forehead creased as she scrubs a hand across her face, dark hair falling in messy tangles around her head. Lloyd stares at her, his eyes wide, and reaches a careful hand to touch her hair.

“You do have a face,” he whispers.

Nya blink rapidly, looking at Lloyd, then up to Kai. And oh, his heart squeezes something painful at her eyes — it’s so rare he gets to see them — but he quickly reaches for her helmet, handing it to her.

Nya stares at it, then swears violently as a blast erupts just to their left.

“You saw nothing!” she yelps, pointing at the kid and jamming her helmet back on, fumbling once in panic. There’s a note of fear in her voice, because they technically have sworn an oath, not to let any living thing see their face—

But who’s the kid gonna tell, anyways.

Besides, they’ve got much bigger problems, like the entire Mandalorian faction on the planet going to war with the bounty hunter’s Guild for them in the street nearby. Mystaké’s risking everything for them right now, so Kai quickly decides that they had better make the best of it.

***********************************

“Well, I guess we’re fired now.”

Nya lets out a wheezing laugh at his dry statement, the sound echoing across the ship as they speed through hyperspace, putting as much distance between themselves and any bounty hunters as they can. Mystaké beamed them one last transmission before they’d taken off, assuring them that no, the other Mandalorians stepping up to save their skins last-minute was not a mistake, but that they had better clear off for a while before they tried to contact her again.

Which was just fine by Kai. He wasn’t too eager to get his head blasted off by a bitter bounty hunter anytime soon.

“I mean, technically, he didn’t really fire us,” Nya argues, slumping into the co-pilot’s seat beside him. “He just fired at us.”

“Yeah, that’s practically a goodbye hug by Ronin’s standards,” Kai says, and Nya snorts.

Lloyd looks between them both where he’s seated behind them, Kai’s cloak pulled tightly around his shoulders. “Weird,” he mutters, shaking his head. Kai blinks, and Nya stifles a giggle.

“You should talk, you could write the book on being weird,” Kai scoffs. He eyes the kid in concern, looking him up and down. “And hey, you should catch some rest. S’probably been a rough time for you, with all the, uh….stuff.” Kai cringes as he trails off, feeling Nya’s glare on him.

Lloyd purses his lips, then shakes his head silently. Kai narrows his eyes at him.

“Alright, kid, nice try, but I know you can speak full sentences,” he says. “We’re gonna prioritize communication here, okay? First rule on board, you gotta talk to us.”

“Kai,” Nya sighs.

“What?” He says, throwing his hands up. “We’re stuck together now, kid’s gotta go with the flow.”

Nya’s helmet twitches, as if she’s rolling her eyes at him, which she definitely is. “You don’t have to talk unless you’re okay with it, Lloyd,” she says gently, turning to the kid. “You’re safe here, we promise.”

Lloyd stares at her, the edge of his mouth quirking up in something that’s not quite a smile, but something trusting.

“And part of being safe is not dropping dead in exhaustion, so rest,” Kai orders, firmly.

Lloyd meets his stare dead on, then the edge of his mouth curves down, making a face that looks dangerously stubborn.

“Next planet,” he says. “Then rest.”

Oh, for—

“This is your fault,” Kai hisses at Nya, as she smothers a laugh. “We have a kid now, do you realize that? We just adopted a freaky wizard kid, we have to raise him now, we’re not even adults—“

Nya leans back in her seat, giving up and laughing freely. “Whatever,” she says, scuffing the kid’s hair. “I always wanted a younger sibling to gang up with you on. How about the next two planets, then rest?”

Kai sputters as Lloyd beams, realizing his critical mistake too late. He finally gives up, sinking back in his seat and sulking.

“Ungrateful brats,” he mutters. “You rescue one kid, and this is the thanks you get.”

He will admit though, to himself at least, that it’s rather difficult to keep sulking when Lloyd’s soft laughter fills the cockpit. And yeah, the kid’s definitely going to crash after passing one planet, but it’s been a pretty exciting day, Kai figures, tossing the knob from the center stick at the kid, unable to stop the grin tugging at his mouth at the expression of delight on Lloyd’s face.

He can let them have their fun for now. They’ve earned it.

Besides, he can always rub it in their faces tomorrow, when every other bounty hunter in the galaxy is after them.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #kai smith #nya smith #its a long one u guys and its not even done yet #i didnt get to cole dune and im very sad about that #i should probably add 'mandalorian au' somewhere on here #mandalorian au #there we go #anyways nw i love u i hope ur happy #my fic

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