#i mean. it doesnt feel like love. if its the same driving force behind my ma's choice

[vagueiish]

...i just want someone to love me for me. to look at me and see all my nonsense and willingly be like 'huh. that's my human, even with the bullshit'. platonically or romantically or whatever, man, i just...

i want to be loved by choice. not out of obligation

[officialspec]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

first off i hate this ask and i think youre a freak. in any other world i wouldve blocked you for this but unfortunately for both of us i actually like this type of philosophy. dont send this shit to anyone else though

i dont think its right to compare human sexuality to the same thing in animals, to get that out of the way. im sure until a certain point it comes from the same biological impulses, but human beings have way more complicated social structures and reasons for coupling that just do not exist in other animals. our social behaviours are what make us unique in the animal kingdom and that definitely extends to gender and sexuality. so theres that

people love to tout 'gender is a social construct' around like its a criticism in and of itself, which i think betrays a misunderstanding about social constructs in general. theyre the foundations we build language on to better understand each other, and affected by a whole host of cultural and historical factors. just because theyre subjective and complicated doesnt mean they arent real. in terms of the effect they have on peoples lives they may be the most real thing that exists

for example, 'kindness' is a social construct. the definition and ways it is enacted differ greatly across personal and cultural lines. but no one would ever suggest a world where kindness doesnt exist or loses meaning, because its an essential part of the way we interact with each other (in the same way i dont really see a world where gender entirely ceases to exist, mainly just one where people have more fun with it. im not a psychic though so who knows)

similarly, sexuality in humans is another social construct. i think the driving biological forces behind it are very real, but the labels people attach to those impulses are subjective attempts to express their inner world to the people around them if that makes sense. and those same biological impulses are ALSO subject to social ideas of gender, because those ideas are established at birth and reinforced over a persons entire lifetime

to use myself as an example, im a gay trans man. ive identified as other things in the past, because i was trying to pick apart feelings i had and express them to others in an attempt to find community. my identity might change as i get older and experience new things, or it might not. i identify as gay because im not attracted to the social concept of women, and someone i would otherwise be attracted to might lose all appeal after i find out they fall under that concept (this has happened before w transfems pre and post coming out lol)

of course, the real REAL answer to this is that trying to give queer identities rigid and objective definitions is a fools errand, and also lame as fuck. someone might identify as gay and be more attracted to general masculinity than men as a social category, maybe they fool around with a couple of butch women without considering themself any less gay. two otherwise identical people might be a butch lesbian and a gay trans man without either of those identities coming into conflict. they might even be the same person at different times of the week

the labels people choose to use are communication tools, not objective signifiers. if you dont understand them, they probably arent talking to you

social constructs are everything. we as humans have the unique ability to interpret our own messy desires and impulses into words that other people can use to form an idea of someone else in their mind. its how we build connections, and of course it isnt perfect because trying to squeeze someones entire personal history and the centuries of context that defined it into a handful of syllables is going to leave some room for error. but its all we have, yknow? so we keep trying. and i think thats much more human than any imposed objective 'truth' could ever be

tldr we live in a society dipshit. get with it

[samarecharm]

tw disordered eating (not in explicit detail)

Whenever i write Yusuke and his relationship w the thieves, i try to emphasize that Yusuke was in a really really Really bad space not only mentally (like the others) but physically; hes bone-stick thin and you can feel his ribs jutting out if you go for a hug. Hes a bit gaunt in the face and hes got next to no muscle mass. He tires easily and hes kind of a shit fighter bc of it. The metaverse fills in the gaps a little bit, but his body is still very frail and unprepared to transition to an active lifestyle after years of surviving off of such a bare bones calorie diet. For my Akira, it is the driving force behind wanting to takedown Madarame; hes a sucker for a pretty face but hes also unable to look away from someone actively wasting away because of the actions of their guardian.

If any of them try to mention Yusukes physical state or diet, he often deflects, angrily, reminding them that he is abnormally tall, and that that obviously contributes to his thin (frail) stature. Its very hard to get him to eat while theyre in saferooms, and he often lags behind while exploring the museum. He cant stay in combat for too long, and at some point, Akira debates if he should even allow Yusuke to stay on the team; if he passed out or Worse under Akiras watch, hed never forgive himself.

BUT. As the thieves gain his trust, Yusukes a bit more willing to indulge them. He learns quickly that they arent pitying him like he initially assumed (he is far too aware of how much he feels like hes neglected his own body; and how others can easily see that neglect). They routinely eat and hang together bc thats just how they bond, and theyre just trying to invite him into their circle properly. Akira has zero experience w this kind of thing, but Ryuji and Ann are athletes and models respectively; theyre both in fields that encourage that kind of self destructive behavior, and they have some kind of insight into how to avoid falling for those same traps, and helping people who Do end up in those scenarios.

(Anns parents, despite their absence, do their best to prepare her for how cutthroat the modeling world is; to keep her from developing the kind of habits and mindsets that let young men and women destroy themselves. ESPECIALLY bc my Ann is a plus sized model. And Ryuji, as a promising track star, would know how bad it can get for professional athletes, the lengths at which theyd go to maintain their positions and ability to compete. Hes a gym rat who loves food and nutrition and knows what he needs to keep himself fit, and thats all he really needs)

They cant feed Yusuke the way they WANT to bc hes already so thin, so they just let him take from their plates to sample things and let him feel included. He starts taking up Ryujis offers to go get meals together, even is Ryuji ends up taking almost an entire extra serving home as takeout. He lets Ann drag him away to the crepe shop and her other little snack havens, even if he only leaves w a small chocolate of sorts to take home. He lets Akira make coffee and curry for them to split when he comes to Leblanc. And maybe he lets Sojiro cook a full plate for him to take back home to eat at his leisure and away from prying eyes. Yusuke goes from bitter to extraordinarily fond rather quick, and he finds himself angry that this is yet another thing Madarame has stolen from him.

By Futabas palace, hes filled out enough that Akira doesnt immediately panic when Yusuke gets tossed onto the floor by some brute of a shadow, worried that hed shattered every goddamn bone in his body on impact. He doesnt have any real muscle by any means but his face has the faintest bit of cheek fat that Ann is able to pinch w her evil little hands, and when he looks in the mirror, the ribs peek out but they dont jut out. His breathing is better, his skin is just Pale and not Ghostly white, hes got a healthy flush when he laughs at Akiras stupid puns, and he finds himself allocating a bit more of his budget towards stocking his fridge. Sometimes, Akira can even convince him to people-watch out in the sun instead of in the subway tunnels.

At some point, Yusuke becomes very vocal about things he wants, but importantly, about Food he wants. He will eagerly allow his friends to treat him if they ask, and he picks whatever sounds nice to his ears or whatever Ann and Ryuji recommend him. Part of it is due to him feeling safe enough to ask for such things; the thieves kinda laugh about his eccentricity and forwardness, but Akira, Ann and Ryuji know how different and comfortable this Yusuke is compared to the one they met. Its silly but its good; he gets to act like this bc the thieves let him be forward- they let him voice his wants and needs without a fight.

By post game, hes got the barest hint of a tummy pouch, and Ann will attack it relentless with a firm poke whenever hes foolish enough to stretch and lift his shirt to expose it. She thinks its cute 😭 Shes really happy to see it, bc she thinks of Yusuke all skin and bones and angry and scared like a feral dog barking mad, lashing out at any help they offered and working himself sick (figuratively and literally) trying to help make things right. It makes her so sad recalling it, so she likes to remind herself that hes okay now, even if hes a little embarrassed by it. She knows Akira and Ryuji do the same, inviting Yusuke to hang and just see him w their Own eyes that hes better, and that they did the right thing by insisting he join their little ragtag group.

[bugsinthebayou]

Who are your turtle OCs? What is the driving force behind them/what is their main motive? What inspired you to make them? What are their favorite colors? Favorite foods? What are they afraid of? What do they love/care for? Can any of them drive? Which one of them is the likeliest to dramatically sacrifice themselves?

heres a post on who they are

levi's driving force would be her curiosity. she was disconnected from both families at a young age (didnt met the mad dogs until she was 14-15 and got separated from atlas and draxum at 9), and she desperately wants to learn more about them both.

atlas hit a rough patch in who she is lately, the sudden and complete change in draxum's plans has left her feeling like her entire existence was for nothing. shes doesnt know for sure what she should be doing, but ultimately her driving force is her desire to protect those around her. she'll figure that out eventually

ive always loved creating ocs, and the turtles have such a fun concept that i wanted to create my own characters to play around with it more. plus, i like designing nonhuman characters

levi's favorite color is pink! atlas hasnt really thought about it but she likes turquoise

levi's favorite food is hawaiian pizza. atlas likes any kind of meat. (atlas has mixed feelings about pizza. it tastes good to her, but at the same time its overwhelming and gross. she'll eat it but only if shes in the mood)

levi's deepest fear is being abandoned/alone

atlas' deepest fear is not having a purpose, or being unable to do what she set out to do

they both care deeply for their family. levi outwardly shows it more than atlas, but they know she cares.

in battle, atlas is the one more likely to take a moment to ensure a civilian is okay. its not like levi doesnt care, she does, but she doesnt have time and its not someone she knows so she pushes ahead and keeps fighting. she feels a little guilty about that. atlas tries to make sure everyone is okay, if anyone gets seriously injured she feels that its her fault.

levi's too short to reach the pedals :( /silly. atlas wont let her drive until shes 16. atlas has been reading up on it to try to learn, but she cant really fit in regular cars

atlas 100%. if it means those she cares about will be safe, she would sacrifice herself without hesitation

[hotwings0203]

I feel like Dabi would be the type of dude who would bully you incessantly at the LOV and for the life of you you can’t figure out why. He’s always around you and making snarky comments or pulling your hair, trying to catch you messing up on missions. You’re sure he hates you, and you do well to stay out of his way, or sometimes when you feel bold you’ll offer a quip of your own. The bullying increases whenever you talk to other guys at the bar, especially when you make Tomura crack a smile, Dabi’s breathing down your neck the second your leader leaves, calling you terrible names and pushing past your boundaries.

Cw: language, nsfw, noncon, manga spoilers, some angst?

In a perfect world, Touya would not have been abandoned and rejected by his family. In a perfect world, Dabi would not exist, and Touya would be eating dinner with his family right now as he shows his little brother how to properly wield fire to its fullest extent.

But there was no such thing as a perfect world, and therefore Dabi did exist. And Dabi doesn’t care for anyone, or anything.

Or so he tells himself.

“Slut”

“Nothing but eye candy, and shitty eye candy at that”

It’s nothing you haven’t heard before, but it doesn’t make it any easier to ignore him

“What was that all about, huh? The fuck are you and crusty snickering about?”

Fed up with his continuous antics, you decide to mouth off a little too.

“Oh nothing, just talking about how adorable you and Hawks would make as a couple. And wipe that sneer off your face, it looks like some of your staples fell out of your mouth.”

It’s nothing too snarky, but in a second he’s shoving you in some dark room, forearm pinned against your throat as his hand is lit up with blue flames merely inches away from you, snarling in your face.

“You wanna be funny, bitch? I got jokes of my own too, why dont I show you what happens to dumb little girls who don’t know their fucking place? I think that would be real funny.”

But his hand is stopped from drawing near your wide eyes when you both hear Twice and Toga calling everyone for their next meeting.

He pushes you away from him, giving you a murderous look over his shoulder as he leaves the room, not paying mind to the way you slide down the wall in the dark.

You take extra precaution to try avoiding him for the next few days, not even making eye contact with him when you two get teamed up for tasks. He never mentions the room incident, if anything he acts as if it never happens. It’s like whiplash for you, he tries to weirdly talk to you more but all you offer him is mumbles and hums of agreement.

The conversation is never long, but it starts to be less talk of degrading you and more of begrudging questioning of what you’ve been up to. You never engage, opting to pretend like you never heard him, and strangely enough he leaves it be.

You give him a side eye one day as he joins you at the bar (much to your discontent), downing your glass just to fill another.

He says nothing as he slides into the stool right next to you, and pours a glass of whiskey for himself as well.

It’s awkwardly silent, you’re not sure if you should leave or not, but you’d be damned if you try to initiate small talk with this psycho.

But then, he speaks.

“Is Shigaraki sending you on the mission to get that UA kid?”

His gravely voice rumbles and cracks from his usual lack of use, and he clears his throat after he talks.

“No.”

“Oh.”

This is excruciating, you think to yourself as he mulls over the drink in his hand for a silent minute or two.

Toga calls you over thankfully at the exact same moment, and you breathe out an inaudible sigh of relief as you slip off the stool to join her.

“Wait-“ Dabi grabs your arm and you flinch out of instinct, expecting a slap or a burn to come from him.

He sees your reaction and shakes his head dismissively, letting you go and muttering a “Nevermind”. You don’t ponder over it as you trip over your own feet to join the eccentric blond.

A week passes, and then two. With each day you maneuver your way around him, request to be partnered up with different people in private, and busy yourself in random tasks. Every time you pass him by the bar he lifts his head from whatever he’s doing and tries to maintain eye contact with you, even going so far as to open his mouth to say or ask god-knows-what.

You try to ignore the foreign hopeful glint in his glacial eyes as you walk right past him, ducking your head as you do so.

It drives Dabi crazy.

He can’t handle any more rejection, he thought his family would be the last straw for him to ever want recognition or love validation from again. He wants to talk to you, to hear your voice as it snaps back with witty comebacks of your own that he secretly enjoys so much, even if it means he has to force it out of you with hateful words. He wants to feel your hair underneath his scarred hands, even if he has to mask the soft wanting of you in forms of yanking the strands. He wants nothing more than to see your eyes fill up with no other sight than him and think only of him, even if it means he has to corner you and scare you into submission.

But your silence is something he’s not used to.

Well, to be fair, you weren’t silent completely, but the only sentences he was hearing from you nowadays was when you were speaking to Shigaraki or the other League members.

You were the only idiot who didn’t notice the smoke curling from his nostrils and ears comically when he’d finally see you stop your stoic act just to open up to other men apart from him. Spinner, Twice, and Compress backed off almost immediately from talking to you for too long when they’d see the look on his face as he watched you surrounded by them, but Tomura would merely smirk from behind your shoulders and keep a level gaze with his subordinate, knowing fully well why he was so pissed off.

You began to notice the weird energy at the base soon after the rest of the men would keep curt conversations with you in comparison to your long talks about video games, sex, and life after you would all win the war.

So you thought it would be best to ask the most semi-normal person there that wasn’t fueled with testosterone and aggression.

“I just don’t get it, why are they all being weird? I mean, we all used to talk so much and now they just...try avoiding me. Except for Tomura of course, he’s still normal I guess. But he always has this smirk on his face when I’m with him and I can’t figure out why.”

Toga stops cleaning her blood-laced needle to give you a sly look, all fangs and glinting white.

“And Dabi?”

“What about him?”

She sits back on her haunches and cocks her head at you. “You really don’t know what’s happening here, do ya?”

“No,” you roll your eyes in exasperation. “But I’ll gladly take any theories here, since apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t get it.”

“He likes you.”

You gape at her for a moment and then burst out laughing.

“What? That’s crazy, he doesn’t like me, he hates me!” He can barely stand being in a room with me, all he does is talk shit and harass me.”

The blond curiously licks at a bead of red from the top of the weapon and you cringe when her own tongue rips from the sharp point.

“You say he can’t stand being in a room with you, so then why is it that he’s always there? He might talk shit, but he talks to you out of everyone else right? Regardless of if it’s something mean.”

You’re thoroughly flabbergasted. She had a point, but it was too much to wrap your head around. She cheerfully hums and gets up to flounce around the room, cleaning her already-tidy room up to a T.

“And that little silent treatment act you’re giving him isn’t helping either. I swear, Jin told me Dabi almost burned his mouth off that one day you, him and Spinner were talking about GTA. He totally cornered the poor guy and threatened his life if he didn’t stop talking to you.”

“You’re joking.”

“Am not. He wanted to do the same to Tomura but I figure he wants to keep his job, so he won’t. Doesnt make it any better for him when you’re all chummy with the one person Dabi can’t stand the most, though.”

No wonder your leader was so smug whenever you two were in the same room, your attention solely focused on him.

You run your hands down your face, moaning about the whole situation being fucked. It’s just your luck that you couldn’t take a clue, but to be fair, how could you? Being called worthless and a waste of space wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for flirty banter.

“Soooo what’re you gonna do now? I heard he’s gonna try talking to you for realsies like, tomorrow or something.”

“Tomorrow?” You yelp, jumping up to your feet. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I can’t face him!”

“Oops,” she giggles, twirling with outstretched arms around her room and falling down onto her bed.

“Oh god, I can’t do this. I don’t even know if I like him! He’s such an ass, and even when he tries to come off as normal he’s just so..unsettling. I don’t think I’ve ever had a good conversation with him.”

Toga props her elbow up to rest her chin on her hand, frowning in thought.

“Why not just tell him how you feel?”

You snort and fold your arms. “Yeah, because the psycho arsonist is really gonna take the word no well.”

“Hmm.. I see what you mean. Oh well, whatever you choose, I’ll support you!”

And with that she skips out of the room sing songing for Twice to make a clone for her.

You were fucked.

And sure enough, the next day he approaches you, hands stuffed in his pockets and an almost bored look on his face.

“Yo newbie, I gotta talk to you for a second. Come with me”.

You look blearily up at him through eye bags and mussed hair, a direct telling of your sleepless night. Your stomach drops when you hear his words, but you nod your head and take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself of the speech you practiced till the sun rose.

No one else is bothering you both today, Shigaraki having gone to visit All For One and the rest of the League left to their own devices. It was something you weren’t so comfortable with, but you doubted a hero would come to save you.

He leads you through the short winding hallways, each step of his growing louder and heavier as the space started growing smaller. Finally, he reaches a dimly lit room and stops outside the door, gesturing for you to go in with a casual wave of his patched wrist.

“After you.”

You raise an unsure eyebrow at his uncharacteristic show of consideration, and do as he says. You’re sweating bullets, fists balled so that your nails are digging into your palms, and vision going in and out of focus as your eyes begin to adjust to your surroundings.

A loud bang pulls you out of your stupor, and you whip around at the sound.

Dabi is already staring back at you with lidded eyes, leaning his weight against the door, his arms crossing over each other.

You shift on both feet, picking at your nails nervously.

“So, what did you wanna talk about?”

He says nothing, but just observes you, his head slightly tilted as if you were some abstract art piece.

“Dabi.”

“You got a lot of nerve, y’know that?”

He pushes himself off the wall and advances slowly towards you, hands stuffed in his trench coat pockets.

You immediately back up with raised palms, sputtering indignantly at his offensive movements coming closer and closer. However you thought his ‘confession’ would go, this was most definitely not starting out like how you planned

“Excuse me? What’re you talking about-“

“I know what you’re doing. You think whoring yourself out to ol’ crusty and the rest of the guys here is gonna make everyone forget just how useless you actually are. What the fuck do you even do here? You fuck up half the missions which I have to come bail your ass out of, you constantly put us in jeopardy by being all friendly with everyone, and you can’t even keep your mouth shut when I need to let off a little steam, as I rightfully should.”

In a perfect world, Dabi would be the light of your eyes, the hero of your world. In a perfect world, Dabi would be able to hold your hand in his smooth one and tell you that he wants you so much that it impairs his rational judgement and makes him say things he doesn’t mean. He’d tell you that your presence is like a weight lifted off his chest, your presence means he doesn’t have to think or worry about the outside world, he just wants you all to himself without anyone interfering.

But this is not a perfect world, and Dabi is not a hero, but rather one of the worst villains.

So he does exactly what one does as a villain.

Instead of a loving look that he knows he’s incapable of, Dabi looks down into your horrified gaze as he traps you against the wall between his scarred arms, spewing misplaced venom at you.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to chill out. First you go ballistic on me ‘cause I talked to Tomura for no reason, then you act all weird and quiet as if you’re some decent person, and now you think you can just bring me in here and tell me how worthless I am? Go fuck yourself, seriously.”

You scoff and make your way to push him but stop when he does what he did a couple weeks ago. You hold bated breath as he casually brings an inflamed hand to scratch at his face as if he can’t feel the hellfire emitting from it, and let out a whine of distress as he lowers his head mere inches from yours, lips almost touching.

“Stop talking to the rest of the guys,” he breaths. “Stop smiling, laughing, or going near anyone who isn’t me.”

You wonder if he knows how insane he sounds. He does, but that’s nothing he doesn’t know already. If anything, it solidifies in his mind that if he is to be as bad as the world has made him out to be, then he is acting exactly fit for the role.

“Why?”

“I don’t need to give sluts like you a reason. It should come as easy, right? What’s putting out for one more person?”

Your eyes are brimming with tears now, your stoic facade showing cracks as you sniffle a little bit.

He eats it up and groans watching salty rivers cascade down your cheeks. Suddenly, he feels as though he can no longer hold back anymore, he feels as though if he thinks for one more second he’ll combust.

So, acting on instinct, he surges forward and presses his lips against yours, swallowing your cries of distress and holding your hands above your head in midst of them frantically beating on his chest.

Your lips are so, so soft compared to his and it’s making him sink deeper into this instinctual daze. He puffs against your writhing lips as he thrusts his hot tongue in your mouth.

You try to bite him but when his hands heat up against your skin you resign to your fate and wail, allowing him to pull his hips flush against yours and start humping your thighs.

He draws back and bites your lips, teeth clacking against yours as he does so. You open your terrified eyes and blanch when you see the look on his face.

Lust is clearly drawn everywhere, from his blown pupils to his heaving chest, all the way to his flushed face and wild eyes. He looks as though he’s about to eat you alive and it’s appropriate that you feel like a lamb about to be slaughtered.

“Dabi, wait, please stop-“

But he cuts your pants off again in favor of slamming his hips against yours again and grinding impossibly hard on your legs, the friction of his jeans catching on your clothed cunt and forcing a mewl out of you.

“I’m not gonna stop. I’ve had enough of you teasing. You’re mine now, and if it takes burning our dear leader alive and this whole place down for you to understand that then I’ll fucking do it.”

He thought that terrorizing you would ease the empty feeling in his heart, that continuously berating you would force him to see you as what he always said you were, just another empty headed cunt. He thought that distancing himself from you and focusing on other things would make him forget about the soft feelings he longed to share with you, feelings he thought perished in the fire he was in when he was a young boy .

Even now, there is an ache in his chest as he hears you beg for him to stop, to let you go, that you’re sorry for whatever you did.

But this is not a perfect world, and not everyone gets their way in life.

You should really learn that, because Dabi already has.

And so Dabi will act accordingly to what life has put out before him .

[4dtk]

NCT DREAM: talking back to them and getting punished

anon: “hii ! can i have nct dream reaction to their s/o talk back to them and they doesnt happy with it and punish their s/o 🥺” hi love, sure i can. for this reaction, the boys takes up the dom role and the reader is fem, hope you don’t mind ^^

just for discretion, hate sex is hot and all but please talk out your problems and don’t solve it just by fucking 😭

NSFW under the cut, MINORS DNI!

→ MARK’s head tilts, and pleas one last time with something like “you don’t really mean that, right?” or something like that. when he gets your final word and you start to remove yourself from the argument he pulls you back. his eyes are darker, eyelids hooded. he’s intimidating!!!!! mark’s the kind to lose himself whenever he looks at you, ngl, but he knows his feelings aren’t alone and that you feel the heat and tension. i see him making you sit on his face and eating you out like no tomorrow. mark also gives off the no clothes humping vibe, where your pussy lips fit so perfectly on his curved dick and the friction makes your toes curl. the man is losing it, respectfully. imo, like i mentioned earlier, mark’s the one with the wavering dom role so he def forgets about the punishment halfway through and relishes in the way you feel around his cock.

“i want you to cum on my cock, baby, as much as i want it on my face,” mark says breathlessly, pulling away from your pussy. his hair is slick with sweat, having your thighs around his head for the past half n’ hour. you twitch as he places one last kiss on your clit, moving your ass backwards to finally get his dick in you.

"ah but," mark raises an eyebrow, "did i say now?" you're caught off guard when he forces your hips down on his exposed dick. the friction has you groaning, leaking even more now.

"move." he says. one word and you're moving your middle against the underside of his cock, your lips nicely fitted that it makes even mark moan out. the wet, filthy sounds fill the room and marks adds to your mewls. with a hand, he sneaks it behind you to play with your pussy, causing you to let out a choked whimper that has him smiling.

mark's grip on your hips tenses, eyes fluttering close in bliss when he sees the string of his pre-cum and your arousal connect each time you grind on his length, "atta girl, just like that. you'll be soaking the sheets once i'm done with you."

→ RENJUN tuts when you talk back to him, surprisingly calm when he looks you up and down. you done fucked up now bitch he’s going to ruin you!!! renjun’s movements are extremely slow, in fingering you, in licking your cunt, in pumping his cock in and out. its a punishment baby take it like it is he says! has a thing for blindfolds too, i feel, seeing the way your mouth opens to let out obscene moans that resonate throughout the room. RENJUN MAKES YOU SIT IN FRONT OF MIRROR 100%, “do you see my cock going in and out of you?” and he’s still going painfully slow that you try to rock your hips to get some kind of release.

“even when i’m punishing you, you still find a way to make a mistake,” renjun hums, eyeing you through the mirror as your fucked-out face is tilted back from the immense pleasure.

“darling, look at yourself, losing it over some cock,” renjun spits, delivering a particularly hard thrust that sends your body shaking. he takes your face with force, dipping a finger into your mouth which you suck on without hesitation.

“jun.... junnie, please go faster, please... i just-” you plead, locking eyes with renjun through your reflection. there’s a laugh coming from renjun, knowing you were in a long ride when he slips a blindfold on you. he loves his cock buried in you, but pulls out anyway and leaves you empty. 

a particularly loud moan leaves your lips as his tongue laps up your arousal from behind, hand stroking his shaft while your hands grab at the sheets in pleasure.

“keep looking at yourself, baby, look at how much of a slut you’re being.”

→ JENO tries to hold back like jaemin but his cool is easier to lose than the latter. jeno doesn’t hold back in giving you glares that translate exactly what he’s feeling. imo, he’s usually taken the back seat in your sex life, and is perfectly content with it, but one day he just sticks his hand up your skirt or whatever and fingers you in public!!! mans crazy luv!!! there’s something about you holding back your moans that turns him on so much. if it happens in the dorms? not prooooblem, he makes sure that everyone has their eyes focused on something, like a dream movies night before his hand inches up your thigh and you’re finally like “ohhh… this is why he’s been so passive aggressively polite since our argument” LOOL you’re biting on the cushion you were cuddling with head thrown back, silent pants spilling from your lips at how skilled jeno is with his fingers. everything after that is kept indoors, he likes the thrill but would rather deal with you privately.

the slam of the door makes you gasp, and the shove of your body against it makes you moan out accidentally. the glint in jeno’s eyes is mischievous, waving the hands that was just in your pussy in front of your face.

“that’s how wet you were, baby?” jeno hums, holding your stare like a champ as you try to not to wriggle in his grasp. jeno tsks, hovering them in front of your mouth, “suck.” you don’t lose any time, mouth immediately engulfing his digits to suck your juices off of him. a thigh’s situated in your middle, the other’s smile widening when he sees your attempts of getting off.

the feeling of your clothed core against his denim is sinful, yet so pleasure as your hips pick up the speed. it’s so much that your hand’s clutched around his bicep, nails digging into his skin at the friction. jeno moans at your vulnerable state, his other hand picking you up so he could at least sit down. the presence of a surface gives you more motivation to move, having a stable place to rest your knees on as you continued your humping, whimpering into jeno’s ears as he guides your hips with ease.

“you’re going to stay at this volume as i fuck you senseless. need to teach you a lesson, baby.”

→ HAECHAN is the meanest dom you could ever piss the fuck off. not afraid to let your sounds of pleasure reach the living room of the dorm (assuming he’s living with 127) that taeyong had to sit him down and reluctantly tell him to tone it down a little. arguments with haechan are trivial, sometimes about the littlest of things that piss you off as well because he’s so infuriating to convince/be on the same page as. you say one thing out of pocket once, and haechan is fuming inside because he knows it’s not true. orgasm denier, loves doing it to you. your sheets are soaked by the end of it, and god you haven’t even came yet!!!! what a bitch!!!! let y/n cum hyuck :/

“not so righteous right now, (y/n)?” haechan smirks, ignoring the glare you give him as you’re pinned under him. he revels in the rage you’re radiating, knowing he’ll make it all go away once his mouth’s on your pussy. you’re resisting him right until his lips are on your neck, sucking at the skin there. the whimpers that leave your mouth goes straight to haechan’s cock, but he has to hold it in until you learn your lesson.

“o..oh hyuck, fuck! please let me c-cum…!” haechan’s having the time of his life, licking up your slick as his fingers are pumping in and out of you, reading your body like a hawk. he knows when you’re reaching your end and denies another one from you, the thrashing around from you held down by his arm.

“let’s test you, hm?” haechan giggles, taking out his dick from the loose sweatpants he had on. with a few strokes, he holds back from plunging it into your begging hole, instead settling for teasing his tip around your entrance. your face opens up into a silent ‘o’, squirming from the pleasure of just the tip of his cock.

“pathetic,” haechan says before he loses it himself, pushing in his dick to feel the warmness of your walls hug him so snugly, “such a slut for my cock.”

→ JAEMIN doesn’t lose his cool right away, one of the nicer ones in the group i guess. he lets your attitude slide, but as the argument escalates he takes your wrist, dragging you straight to his room. the words he says are so sultry, but you don’t miss the anger behind his eyes. the way he punishes you is so sweet yet so terribly filthy, and he knows that you get off to it as well. i envision jaemin as a really sweet dom on the daily, but it switches whenever he has to put you in your place. from “that’s my good little girl” to “you’re just a filthy slut, aren’t you?” to rile him up this bad means you’re in a night of endless rounds LMAO good luck. nice enough to give you pleasure, but not changing his means of pleasuring you. 

“baby, you know what you’re doing, aren’t you? didn’t we leave the argument behind already?” jaemin coos, almost mockingly as he presses against your middle with his thigh. it’s pathetic in the way you grind up against it, desperate to find any form of fiction as he strips your lower half in no time.

“you only deserve my fingers, for now. not even my mouth, baby, sad, ain’t it?” jaemin grins, sinking one into your soaking hole. the sounds drive you insane, hips immediately buckling up from the contact.

for the next hour, he’s doing just that, hitting all the right spots in you with one, two, three fingers and nothing else. you’re whining for his mouth, for his mouth and anything, but it’s long before jaemin does any of those, focused on teaching you a lesson for testing his patience.

[valcalico]

Athena and Ares

(Just my thoughts on them and their relationship)

I have a lot of feelings about these two. They have a very complex dynamic, where they don’t really like each other, but they can’t work without each other either.

Athena provides rationality to the cruelty of war. She is the strategy and logic behind it. The objective. One might say she represents the generals, and the politicians and the main heroes. Basically the big players.

And Ares? He’s the opposite. He represents the emotion associated with war. He is the bloodlust and the desperate fight. Where the battle is thickest, where there is no room for thought, and when its pure survival instinct that drives you, that’s Ares. He represents the worst parts: the blood and the violence and the cruelty. He is accompanied by fear and terror (Phobos and Deimos). One might say he is the god of soldiers.

So they need each other. If they actually worked together, they’d be one of the dangerous forces ever, even in god circles. But they don’t. Not only because of how differently they view the world, but also because of deeper nuances in their relationship.

Athena is beloved. She is Zeus’ favourite child and his right hand goddess. The people love her. She is the patron of one of the most powerful, influential cities, Athens. She is highly respected everywhere else too. A protector of heroes and a friend to humanity.

Ares, on the other hand, is disliked by many. Zeus says he is “the most hateful of all gods” and says he would have thrown him into Tartarus if he wasn’t his and Hera’s son. (Its in the Iliad) (This part always makes me sad poor ares) He is highly respected in Thrace and Sparta. But Athens dislikes him and worships him out of necessity only.

Even in modern times, Athena is considered a feminist icon and badass lady, while Ares is labelled a brute.

Most people know this. So why did I just type out all that? Cause context is important when delving into the myths.

So first of all, let’s debunk that last point I made. In the ancient myths (and I’ll try not to include romans esp. Ovid), it didn’t work that way at all. Of course it’s important to keep in mind that ancient Greece was very misogynistic. But still, Athena was not feminist at all. Her being a “masculine” woman (mostly) was what made her so acceptable to Athens and she was regularly used to shut down other women. Also:

(The actual translation of this scene was circulated a while back. So you’re probably familiar with this. Also I’m not saying this to offend any worshippers of Athena or anyone who admires her. There are a lot of bad things in greek mythology and Athena’s internal and external misogyny is probably the least of my concerns. Plus if the greek gods did exist, i believe they change with the society, so they will no longer be Like That in the present day.)

Ares, on the other hand, was incredibly feminist, especially for that time. He surrounded himself with women he loved and respected. (Aphrodite, Eris, Enyo, etc). His lovers were often famously women who challenged the status quo (Otrera, Cyrene). He was regularly show to be a good father to all his daughters, immortal and mortal. (Harmonia, Hippolyta, Penthesilia, Alkippe). Also:

If that isn’t the coolest thing EVER-

Anyway, I won’t delve deep into that (well, any more than I’ve already rambled about it).

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can get to the hypotheticals.

I headcanon that despite ALL the evidence to the contrary, they maybe don’t despise each other completely. I see them having more of a love-hate relationship.

The thing is, gods are very contrary creatures. Zeus and Hera’s fights shake the world one moment, and in the next, they are as loving as any. Apollo is smiling and singing in one moment and skinning a satyr alive in the next. This complexity should be given this relationship too.

Like I said above, they need each other. Both general and soldier are equally important in war. And I don’t think you can completely truly need someone and hate their existence at the same time. (There are exceptions)

This scene in the Iliad really got me thinking:

If you take the scene at face value, this is probably not something to think too much about. Its Athena going to Ares, insulting him a bit, and taking him away from the war.

But its more than that. First off, Athena goes upto Ares and can calmly convince him to listen to her. Second, look how she frames the question. She says “shall we” which i think is pretty important. Athena doesn’t need to worry about Zeus’ anger or his rules, as she shows later on in the Iliad, and before, during the Rebellion. Both Athena and Ares knows this well. So why does she also need to withdraw? She can make the point without adding herself to the equation. She can also fairly easily run him off the battlefield like she does later. But she doesn’t. And there isnt any hostility from Ares.

Instead, they go together, away from the battlefield and...sit down near a river bank? Basically relax as much as they can? That doesn’t sound like a hateful relationship.

There is also the fact that Ares was going to join sides with the greeks (aka on Athena and Hera’s side) until Aphrodite convinced him to join her instead.

Its clear from this that Ares doesn’t really have much of a stake in this fight. He doesn’t care much about the greater objectives of the war. The only thing that can convince him to take a side is the people one the sides. He fights for the people he cares about, not for any greater good. He easily changes his loyalty because of his love for Aphrodite. He frequently gets into fights to save his children. He goes against Diomedes partly because of how he wounded Aphrodite. All of this means that he cares for Athena too. (And for Hera ofc). Maybe he doesn’t care for her as much as he cares for Aphrodite, but its not really fair to expect him to.

I like to think they genuinely do care for each other a great deal, they just kinda suck at showing it. Maybe that changes as time passes. I can see Athena being quietly protective of Ares (maybe she makes up an excuse to send him away during the Rebellion because she knows he will be in danger otherwise). I definitely think she felt a little guilt (guilt, not regret) at stabbing Ares, seeing as it wasn’t really fair. Ares didn’t know she was there.

I also think that Ares, who spends a lot of time with awesome women and is very fierce in standing up for them if the need arises, will be the one who calls her out a lot of the time on her misogyny or hypocrisy. Athena also has a habit of suppressing any “vulnerable” emotion. She likes to keep all her guilt, sadness, fear, hurt, and regret all locked up tight. I feel like Ares is one of the few people she lets a few of those emotions out around, even if she still tries not to. And in the lighter moments, in private, maybe they joke around a bit and laugh, too.

Okay, now for the heavier bit. While i do think they care for each other, there is also a lot of resentment there. A lot of it, unfortunately, comes from how they are treated by their peers and elders. They like different people, they are liked by different people and they are liked to different degrees. Let’s talk about 3 of the main players.

1) Zeus. Does this surprise you?

I do think Zeus loves all his kids. He doesn’t like some of them, but he does love all of them. And he isn’t as bad of a father as everyone thinks. People have discussed that better so I’ll not rant about it here.

All that aside, he definitely has favourites. Athena is his favourite child (Apollo, I think, being his second). And this favouritism is SUPER OBVIOUS. Its like none of the rules apply to Athena, which is weird considering Zeus isn’t forgiving of those who defy his authority (did someone say Prometheus?)

Ares, on the other hand, is on the other side of the spectrum. The one Zeus dislikes the most.

We can see how this affects them in several instances. The most notable is probably in the Iliad, after Athena deceitfully stabs Ares and forces him to flee to Olympus, injured.

Ares calls Zeus out on his favouritism. He says that gods weren’t allowed to fight each other and if it were anyone else, they would have been punished. He says Zeus always does this, always lets Athena get away with everything, and that he needs to start getting his daughter under control.

Zeus doesnt like this too much and basically tells Ares to stop whining and that he isn’t much better when it comes to destruction. He says Ares is the most hateful of all gods and loves bloodshed. He says he would have gotten rid of him if he weren’t his son, but seeing as he was, Zeus cannot bear to see Ares in pain. He then gets Ares healed.

I can definitely see how this kind of blatant favouritism from someone who should be better to Ares would affect him. Ares is the firstborn son of Zeus and Hera. He should be getting a lot of respect, as per ancient standards but instead, he is overtaken by his virgin half sister from Zeus’ previous marriage, and many bastard half siblings.

Athena being able to break rules left and right, and Ares having to be nervous about even toeing the line will cause distance between them.

This in addition to his position as a god of civil order is a reason that i think he wouldn’t want to break any rule until he deems it absolutely necessary, like if someone he cared about were in danger.

I can totally see a situation where both of them try to help a hero but Zeus orders them not to. Athena then wants to break the rules, but Ares is very hesitant about doing so. Athena convinces him, either by taunting or by calmly urging him, to go along with it. They get caught but only Ares gets punished. Ares can then truly show Athena the difference between her and everyone else.

Remember when i headcanoned earlier that Athena sends Ares away during the Rebellion? That ties into this. She knows that if they get caught, ares could get into trouble whether or not he did anything. I expect Ares will be furious about it when he returns and finds out what happened though, thinking it was just to get him out of the way, until its revealed why she did it. Then he’ll probably be super awkward.

2) Poseidon

The equal and opposite force to Zeus.

Well, maybe not equal, but quite close.

Lets start with the canon. Poseidon HATES Athena, despises her completely, and he frequently clashes with her father too. They worked together one (1) time and as a result, Athena wasnt punished while Poseidon was enslaved for years. Then there is the fight for Athens, the whole epic of the Odyssey, and so on.

Meanwhile he and Ares are actually shown to be close. Other than the Halirhothius incident, they are pretty chill. Poseidon is the one who vouched for him after the Net Thing With Hephaestus. Poseidon is also pretty cool with Aphrodite and they work together occasionally.

I think Poseidon thinks of Athena as this bratty kid of his brother, who is constantly working against him. You know that one annoying cousin you have who you try to avoid during family reunions because you KNOW you will clash? This is that, but a thousand times worse.

Meanwhile Poseidon really cares for Ares, and Ares takes fatherly affection from anywhere he can get it. Poseidon maintains a good relationship with both Aphrodite and Ares. He is closer with Aphrodite and doesnt love Ares quite as much as Zeus loves Athena, but he still cares a lot.

3) Aphrodite

It is no secret that Athena hates Aphrodite. Even when Athena warns Diomedes not to harm any god, she says Aphrodite is the exception. Athena, along with many of the other Olympians, see her as nothing but a silly, flighty, hysterical goddess.

On the other hand, Aphrodite and Ares are known for their intense love for each other, from even before her arranged marriage. They have a lot of kids together, and are shown to be close with all of them. They each have like one story of jealousy/one story where they are at odds with each other, which is pretty good for such a high-profile couple (Aphrodite curses Eos and Ares kills Adonis). They are there for each other, like in the trojan war, when Aphrodite was wounded and Ares gave her his chariot to go back to Olympus. He also changed sides very soon, just because Aphrodite asked. Athena complains about this too.

I think I wouldn’t be far off in saying that Athena is definitely resentful of how close they are, and how much sway Aphrodite has over her brother.

While Athena definitely doesn’t see eye to eye with Ares, and disagrees with his domain, she still sees him as a War God. One of her kind. And she just doesn’t see how a War God can go for someone like Aphrodite. Basically, she doesn’t think Aphrodite is, for lack of a better term, good enough for Ares, seeing as she is a Love Goddess.

Ares, on the other hand, does not want to hear anything like this. He is fiercely defensive of Aphrodite. He defends her warlike aspect (Aphrodite Areia), while everyone else tells her that she has no place in the battlefield. He sees Aphrodite as more than what people have labelled her to be. Which is why I believe (other than Eos and Adonis), they have one of the healthiest open relationships in greek mythology.

This can definitely cause animosity between Athena and Ares, because of Athena’s scorn and Ares’ temper. It can also increase the conflict between Athena and Aphrodite.

Maybe as time goes on, Athena can start seeing Aphrodite as having more depth. I certainly hope so. While they wouldn’t be best friends, I don’t see why they can’t learn to get along. This could also strengthen Athena and Ares’ bond. As long as people don’t insult her or lay their claim on her domain of Love and Beauty, Aphrodite is often very supportive. I truly think Aphrodite can help Athena overcome her misogyny, with Ares.

In conclusion, Athena and Ares have a very complex relationship. They do not simply hate each other, and neither do they have the most loving relationship. But they do care for each other. But strain can often be put on their relationship from their relationship to other people as well. Hopefully as time passes, they can overcome that, and have a healthier relationship, instead of sharing a good moment and then proceeding to fight each other for the next 500 years.

[cassyapper]

jotaro kujo song analysis: “eight” by sleeping at last

i could not figure out what the fuck to title this for a long time. please forgive me ik it’s awkward but it’s the best i got

anyway the song “eight” by sleeping at last made me mentally ill so let’s get into why <3

here’s a link to the song: https://youtu.be/obi4KCh6eHQ

here’s a link to the lyrics i referenced: https://genius.com/Sleeping-at-last-eight-lyrics

be warned there are part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 6 spoilers in this

with that let’s begin.

“I remember the minute;/it was like a switch was flipped --/i was just a kid who grew up strong enough/to pick this armor up,/and suddenly it fit” Lengthy first line to start this on i know but cutting it up didn’t make sense so please forgive me… Alright let’s get to the meat of this hm? This line is about when jotaro first manifested star platinum. “I remember the minute, it was like a switch was flipped” fits perfectly with how suddenly and obviously star platinum became known to its user, as jotaro first manifests it when he’s in the middle of a fight, a fight star platinum ends very quickly and brutally. The “i was just a kid who grew up strong enough to pick this armor up” is about jotaro having the willpower to control a stand such as star platinum and not get ill over it. He “grew up strong enough to pick this armor up”, this armor being star platinum (which, yes, star platinum is armor more than a weapon because its strength is used to protect. This is stated explicitly in the jin hashimoto song “star platinum” which was written specifically with jotaro/star platinum in mind, as the title suggests). It also shows how young jotaro was re the “kid” description; he was only 17, the youngest jojo up to that point. the “and suddenly it fit” also mixes with how suddenly star platinum manifested, particularly how jotaro gained passable control over it very quickly

“God, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…/I was little, I was weak, I was perfectly naive,/and I grew up too quick.” Another long line im sorry it just doesnt make sense to cut it up 😭 Anyway this is part 6 jotaro reflecting on his past self, PARTICULARLY part 3 jotaro, which explains the “god, that was so long ago, long ago, long ago…” segment “I was little, i was weak, i was perfectly naive” is kinda gold coming from part 6 jotaro cause end of part 3 jotaro is canonically when he’s at his strongest but i dont think part 6 jotaro is talking about star platinum in this line. He’s talking about jotaro being tactless and rude and pushing away his loved aways in a disillusioned attempt to keep them safe. By part 6, jotaro has to have known his coping mechanism of self-imposed isolation wasnt fair to his loved ones/himself and it clearly didnt WORK as evidenced by jolyne’s situation, so he’s cursing his younger self for it here. Hence, the calling of part 3 jotaro “little, weak, perfectly naive.” part 3 jotaro starts making the bed that part 6 jotaro ends up having to lay in and he hates him for it. The “and I grew up too quick” part is jotaro acknowledging his trauma. Even before part 3 started jotaro clearly had issues and they just kept building and building and building from part 3 and on. Combined with his self-imposed isolation, jotaro had to grow up quick to survive, and this line is part 6 jotaro reflecting on that

“Now you won’t see all that i have to lose,/all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it.” Remember the self-imposed isolation i mentioned in the last line? This line is about why jotaro does that. He hates being vulnerable. He hates relying on others. We only see him comfortable trusting others to take care of things ONCE the entire series, during the steely dan arc, when he believes in kakyoin’s abilities to keep joseph safe and get the lovers out of him safely. ONCE out of the four parts he’s featured in, out of the three he’s prominent in. jotaro does this, as i previously mentioned, out of a disillusioned attempt to keep those he loves safe, hence the “now you won’t see all that i have to lose” line. This behavior is solidified in jotaro at the end of stardust crusaders, when the two final times he tried to trust that others would handle it resulted in the deaths of over of half those he cared the most about (he may have gotten joseph back, but don’t forget that joseph did actually die). Thus, this decisive night ties into the “all i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” line. He’s lost loved ones but he won’t lose them again, not in the same way at least. Ironically, the self-imposed isolation only puts his loved ones and himself in danger, but i can get into that later.

“I won’t let you in, i swore never again --/i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” This line kinda ties back with what i was mentioning in the last line, but it hones it a bit more on jotaro’s complete denial of being vulnerable rather than how he acts to ensure he isnt such. “I wont let you in, i swore never again” is a direct tie-in for how jotaro feels after stardust crusaders; he is never going to get as close to anyone or anything the way he was close to the crusaders ever again. Nothing is ever going to matter to him the same way and he is going to make sure of that, as the “swore never again” implies, because he is certain, at least at first, that this will keep others safe. The “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” part goes into how selfish and arrogant jotaro’s mentality is. Don’t get me wrong, jotaro’s self-imposed isolation can be seen as selfless, especially because the main driving force behind it is to keep others safe -- but it’s not the only force driving it. Like i said, jotaro doesn’t want to be vulnerable, and to be sure he doesnt feel that way, he needs to ensure he won’t be hurt. Can’t be sad when people die if you were never close to them, right? So as much as it is to protect others, he also is protecting himself by closing off from others. It’s also arrogant of jotaro to assume he is the deciding factor of who lives and dies, that he gets to choose/manipulate the cycle of life and death by deciding on if he opens up to others. Jotaro had this mentality of being a “deciding factor” shoved into his head during the journey to egypt, and that kinda warps his worldview as a result; everything must be his fault. Things go bad surely because he let them somehow. And it’s not jotaro’s fault he’s ill in the head like this but it is still arrogant, and the “i can’t afford, no, i refuse to be rejected” line attests to this.

“I want to break these bones until theyre better/i want to break them right and feel alive” Oh jotaro you have the shittiest fuckign coping mechanisms Alright. “I want to break these bones until theyre better” ties into jotaro throwing himself into dangerous situations alone. He’s just so so damn convinced he can handle everything himself -- bc again, he is led to believe he is the deciding factor of life and death -- he just has to try. If things go wrong, it’s bc he didn’t try hard enough, hence the “break these bones until theyre better”; jotaro will hurt himself and will be convinced he deserved it until he “learns” how to be perfect like he’s “supposed” to be. But being perfect isnt something you can learn, you mentally ill motherfucker jotaro. anyway “I want to break them right and feel alive” ties into the fact jotaro would rather break his body over and over and over rather than tell his loved ones he cares. The only right way to be hurt to him is taking a hit that was meant for those he loves. Jotaro is very much a man of action rather than a man of word, and this line is about his rather unique way of acting (that is, getting beat the fuck up over and over) Basically jotaro can’t tell the people he loves that he, well, loves them, unless he is literally dying. Examples of what i mean: jotaro preferred going on a perilous, 50-day journey to just telling holly he loved her; jotaro preferred getting beat over the head with a rock in the lovers arc rather than risk hurting joseph; jotaro preferred to literally get blown up by sheer heart attack rather than tell koichi to his face he is a good kid; jotaro stepped knowingly into a trap for jolyne and had to literally believe he was in fact saying his last words before he uttered “i’ve always cherished you.”

“You were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong --/my healing needed more than time” Oh my GODDDddDDDdcdd im sobbing as i type jotaro your head is so so damn ill Okay so i see him spitting this line towards joseph. Let me explain Joseph would no doubt pick up on jotaro’s ptsd and he’ll do his best to console jotaro over the deaths of their friends. But see joseph is ALSO an ill in the head idiot whose idea of therapy is electroshock and who calls ptsd “shell shock”. So all he can offer to jotaro is “youll feel better in time” because that was kinda true for him; he managed to move on in time. What joseph fails to realize is what made him feel better was not time, but the support of those remaining in his life (lisa lisa, suziq, erina, smokey). But jotaro listens and tries to give it time but the thing with jotaro is he just gets worse and worse as time wears on because he deliberately cut himself off from anyone who could console him (as well as got continually traumatized throughout his life), so time never helped but actually made things worse. Thus jotaro spitting “you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong, my healing needed more than time”. In terms of timeline, probably happens right after part 5 jotaro stares longingly at the crusaders picture

“When i see fragile things, helpless things, broken things/i see the familiar” Im sorry every new line i start to analyze i begin crying so im just letting you all know incase the coherency takes a dip (as if this was coherent in the first place lmfao) Anyway so this line in relation to Jotaro is about how he projects HARD on the new generation. We see this w his interactions w josuke and koichi, the “fragile things” (there is no way he didnt see koichi as a filler for kakyoin im sorry. Also he just wants josuke safe with his friends like how he wished he was safe with his own friends as a teenager), how he was wary of giorno, “the helpless things” (jotaro is scared he’ll be similar to his dad, just like jotaro is similar enough to dio to share the same stand power…), and his interactions w jolyne, “the broken things” (angry teen in a prison? Come now). 

“I was little, i was weak, i was perfect too/now i’m a broken mirror” Throwback to the second line. Once again part 6 jotaro is reflecting but the difference here is that part 3 was when jotaro was last unashamedly happy, but more than that, part 3 jotaro was on his way to healing before everything went to shit. like i mentioned earlier, jotaro only relies on someone else completely once, and that happens in part 3. Jotaro is finally able to trust in someone else’s capabilities, which is what he needed to do before he could allow anyone to help him with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Hence, why part 6 jotaro would describe him as “perfect”; because he would’ve been perfect enough if he could just trust in others like that again But as the line suggests, that went wrong. Jotaro is now a “broken mirror,” which alludes to the fact that while he projects onto the kids, the kids (the ones that know him at least) project onto him as well, especially jolyne, because in part 6 she finally figures out her dad’s thought processes, as she is experiencing those patterns of thinking too. Jotaro is a role model for them in the sense of “see him? Do the opposite of what he did” KJ;DNJ;DN;SN

“But i can’t let you see all that i have to lose/all that i’ve lost in the fight to protect it” Same meaning as before mostly but the repetition is important me thinks because it mimics jotaro like frantically trying to remind himself why he must be distant when all he wanted to do was go home to jolyne and be her father

“I can’t let you in --/ i swore never again,/ i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” This means roughly the same thing as the previous line that’s similar to this, but the “i can’t afford to let myself be blindsided” is less about jotaro’s selfishness/arrogance and more about how he believes enemies will use his loved ones against him and how goddamn, it would work, it would work so well because jotaro loves so, so damn much It’s a shame distancing himself didn’t work the way he wanted it to and ended up making his loved ones even more vulnerable than they would have been otherwise

“I’m standing guard,/i’m falling apart/and all i want to do is to trust you” (Begins screaming and doesn’t stop) okay so this line is about jotaro and jolyne during the beginning of stone ocean “Im standing guard” alludes to the fact that jotaro is still desperately trying to appear distant and uninterested even as he attempts to break his fucking daughter out of prison “I’m falling apart” ties into jotaro failing miserably at remaining cold towards jolyne, how he eventually caves in and tells her he loves her in addition to taking a literal bullet for her, using time stop to ensure he can make it to her to do so. and also this line ties into how he is literally physically shot and how his memories and stand are taken from him “And all i want to do is to trust you” is directed towards jolyne of course. God his whole “i’ve always cherished you” ties in with this line; like i mentioned earlier, jotaro by part 6 knows his self-imposed isolation is useless, but old habits die hard and also he was in very deep by the time he accepted there was no reason to go in the first place at all. So he doesn’t know how to change, he doesn’t know how to trust jolyne, it’d been 20ish years since he last trusted someone completely, but god he wants to. He wants to trust her. It’s all he wants to do hence this line

“Show me how to lay my sword down/for long enough to let you through” So continuing from the last line, jotaro just wants to let jolyne in. he wants to learn how to do that. I think this line is actually directed towards his younger self; 17 year old jotaro managed to let in a person once, after all (more than one person in fact, but all the crusaders). This would also make more sense w my interpretation of how part 6 jotaro calls part 3 jotaro “perfect” in this regard Essentially it’s jotaro thumbing through his memories to figure out how his past self gathered the security to trust in someone else wholeheartedly...which makes the fact that pucci steals his memories particularly fucked up in this context

“Here i am, pry me open/what do you want to know?” Another line directed toward jolyne. “Here i am, pry me open” refers to how after jotaro tells jolyne he cherishes her, all cards are on the table. He’s shown vulnerability, might as well go full throttle. So, he’s willing to talk to jolyne for the first time ever, especially because she’s a stand user now “What do you want to know?” ties into jotaro being willing to open up, but also the fact that jolyne doesnt really know her dad ):

“I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough/to hold the door shut/and bury my innocence” Hhnghg begins wailing this line is again about post-egypt jotaro. A lot of jotaro’s like...emotional maturation (and even some physical) occurred during the trip to egypt and immediately afterward. he’s in pain and desperately trying to rationalize a way he can be in control of never letting something like what happened in egypt happen again, hence the “im just a kid who grew up scared enough” “To hold the door shut” refers to how jotaro cut off other people, even the people who used to know him very well, like joseph and polnareff and holly “And bury my innocence” i mentioned this in another line but this bit also refers to how jotaro had to grow up quickly to survive, considering his self-imposed isolation and his life path of chasing down dio’s remnants

“But here’s a map, here’s a shovel/here’s my Achilles’ heel” This line is SUPPOSED to be directed toward jolyne but inadvertently it is also directed toward pucci. When jotaro says fuck it and gives up on his pretense of disinterest in jolyne, finally letting her know he loves her, he’s finally building the frame of a bridge to jolyne; he’s ready to do what he’s wanted to for so long, no matter how vulnerable it makes him, and that is to be jolyne’s father. However, pucci takes note of this; he knows to aim for jolyne in the final battle because of jotaro’s earlier actions when he tries breaking jolyne out of prison. It really is a shame how the narrative keeps fucking enforcing jotaro’s shitty self-imposed isolation

“I’m all in, palms out, i’m at your mercy now and i’m ready to begin/i am strong, i am strong, i am strong enough to let you in” Hmm i imagine this line being when jotaro meets back up with jolyne after he gets his memory disk back. The first thing he does is hug her and cradle her close to him, showing off to the world, right in front of pucci, how much his daughter means to him. But jotaro, at least for the moment, is not scared to be vulnerable anymore. Ever since he decided to give up his cold facade, he was ready to let jolyne in, and he finally has the chance to do that at least a little right before the final battle, which is what this line is about

“I’ll shake the ground with all my might/i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” Final battle in stone ocean,,, What the “i’ll shake the ground will all my might” line refers to is jotaro’s willingness to use star platinum the world during the battle. He’s ready to go all in to save the world, and most importantly, save jolyne, even if he has to use the source of his greatest trauma to do it. Jotaro’s a key player and he knows it, has known it for a long time, and this time he’s going to use that for his happy ending. And well, as i mentioned in the last line, jotaro’s done with the self-isolation and throws himself into the role of jolyne’s father, at least as much as he has the right to throw himself into. This is mostly what the “i will pull my whole heart up to the surface” line refers to

“For the innocent, for the vulnerable/i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” More stone ocean final battle. The “innocent and vulnerable” jotaro is showing up for are jolyne, namely, but also hermes and emporio, and beyond that, the world. Jotaro understands how serious this is and he’s always been a force meant for protection, so he is here to do just that, which is what the “i’ll show up to the frontlines with a purpose” line refers to. Jotaro doesnt believe he’s a good person -- and he might not be, in the grand scheme of things -- but he does fight for what he believes is right, he always has, he mentions this way back in stardust crusaders during his fight with kakyoin. He’s never going to let injustice stand, especially not when he knows he’s such a key player

“And i’ll give all i have, i’ll give my blood, give my sweat --/an ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” This line actually applies to all the “final battles” jotaro has been involved in; part 3, part 4, and part 6. Jotaro, as i mentioned in the last line, has a strong sense of justice and is a force that first and foremost tries to protect, which the “i’ll give all i have, i’’l give my blood, give my sweat” part of this line refers to. Jotaro gives his all, has given his all, to rid the world of dio’s influence, he ruined his entire fucking life to do so, and this line gives credence to that. “An ocean of tears will spill for what is broken” refers to jotaro mourning all the what-ifs in his life, which are all tied with how the outcomes of these final battles go. If part 3 didnt end the way it did, jotaro would know how to trust still, he wouldve been happy even, maybe he wouldnt have had to sacrifice the rest of his life to dio; if part 4 didn’t end the way it did, maybe jotaro couldve gone home to his daughter, maybe he couldve been a bit of a better dad (this is because kids were involved in part 4 even if they didn’t try to because stand users attract stand users, and jotaro couldnt risk doing that to his daughter, so he ends up never coming home); and now for part 6, jotaro hopes that if it ends just a little better than the previous two, jotaro could at least died a satisfying death of sacrificing himself for jolyne, or maybe even got a chance to try mending his relationship with jolyne if they both survive

“I’m shattered porcelain, glued back together again” So this line speaks to both physical and emotional states Jotaro was physically “shattered porcelain” when he lost his stand and memory and also was shot, and he was “glued back together again” when he got medical attention and jolyne got back his disks Jotaro was emotionally “shattered porcelain” due to the fact he couldnt trust anyone completely since he was 17 goddamn years old but he’s “glued back together again” in the sense he’s ready to finally, finally try and be vulnerable in order to save his relationship with jolyne

“Invincible like i’ve never been” This line hurts so fucking much because i believe jotaro was optimistic, all things considered, at the beginning of the final fight in stone ocean. After all, he knows he’s an important figure in all this, he has his stand disk and memories back, he and jolyne and the others have a plan, and he has a future he wants to fight for in addition to the world’s continued functioning So he feels “invincible” like he’s never felt before because not even during the part 3 final battle with dio did he have the hope for the future he has now. But then. Then pucci brings out the knives. And the man who could control time never had enough in the end. He dies and cant even save jolyne with his death. The world ends. He failed. I think this is perfectly represented with how suddenly the song ends. It just perfectly encapsulates the tragedy that is jotaro kujo and i cant stop fucking thinking about it

thanks for reading all this if you did. jotaro kujo makes me feel mentally ill

[shaggi]

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

[uwu-boll]

Yesterday I consumed nearly 4 grams of mushrooms. Here is what that was like for me:

First, this isnt my first rodeo. I've consumed psychedelics a few times before; I wouldnt call myself necessarily experienced but I have an education background in psychopharmacology and I have a couple of trips under my belt already so I knew what to expect and how it was going to feel going into it. 2 months ago. my girlfriend and I purchased 7 grams of mushrooms to split for our anniversary weekend this past week. We purchased a hotel room - I wanted to avoid doing this at home due to a very stressful living situation - and situated our setting so as to be best prepared to go about our experience. This included water, music, videogames, some snacks, etc. The necessities.

Our day started following a night of several shared margaritas and burgers between us. We went swimming, had coffee and a light breakfast, went to therapy together, and then a healthy midday lunch. Following that, we gathered the supplies for the night and settled in at around 3pm. Starting then, I measured out the dosages for the both of us; 2.75g for her, 3.87g for me (the dosages were more or less arbitrary, but we had a ballpark of what kind of experience we were looking for). She ate hers straight up, while I prepared a 'lemon tek'; powdered shrooms soaked in lemon juice for some time. There is some science behind it, but the idea is to shorten the duration or the experience while making it more intense. This also helps with digestion to prevent nausea, although there will still be some present as your body tries to 'reject' the chemical.

My shrooms sat in lemon juice for 20 mins before I tossed them all in orange juice for me to take big gulps of. Disclaimer - I HATE the taste, smell, texture, EVERYTHING about mushrooms. This... isnt necessarily better, but it's the best way to consume them short of capsules, I've found.

3:25 PM: I start drinking my pulpy orange juice - mushroom cocktail. It tastes like sour orange juice, because of the lemon juice I added, but the thought of the mushrooms in there makes me gag before I even get the concoction in my mouth. I can already tell this is going to be an endeavour. I take one big swig, maybe a fifth of the bottle, and approximately a quarter of the dose. I wait about 5 mins before taking another swig

3:35: one more swig, followed by a dab, hoping that the weed will calm my tummy. It does, but not before I nearly puke coughing up a lung

3:45: I finish the cocktail. This whole time I'm watching my girlfriend - who is approximately 15 minutes ahead of me having already dosed - set up the Nintendo switch and design a character on Tony Hawks Pro Skater, the remastered edition. She finishes, we take a dab, and we start playing. We, for some reason, start with a VS game, first to 500,000 points. I dont know why we thought that was a good idea, but we did. From here on, times are approximate.

Approximately 3:50: We are mindlessly skating in complete silence, absolute fixated in this game. I'm pretty high from the dabs as it is, so I'm spacing out and having trouble coordinating.

Approximately 4:00: I'm focused entirely on how gross my stomach feels having drank the cocktail. My body feels heavy, and it's very difficult to coordinate in the game properly.

Approximately 4:15: We are probably 100,000 points into this game before we both realize how long it's going to take before anyone wins. Were both kinda over it, and clearly struggling with performing and we only know it's going to get worse. As the come up begins, I feel a profound sense of anxiety. Recognizing it as the comeup anxiety, I dismiss it, but it's quickly becoming pretty overwhelming. The lemon tek, in shortening and intensifying the experience, creates very powerful come ups. We stop playing THPS and switch to Super Mario 3D World, which makes me feel better

Approximately 4:30: We get through 2 levels before we stop playing for the night. We decide to cuddle and try to calm each other down. We put on Bo Burnham's 'Inside' to listen to while we come up, which was a great idea because we love him. Really got us talking about our pasts and the meanings behind each of his songs. My body is very heavy, but I feel at absolute peace within it - I'm not biting my nails compulsively or shaking my legs - despite the come up anxiety and the slight nausea. I feel attached to the bed, I didnt want to get up even if I had to. I am absolutely CHEESIN, smiling so hard my cheeks still hurt a day later.

Approximately 4:45: I am staring at the wall, looking at what appears to be a pattern overlaying the texture of the wall. I see the same pattern on the bathroom floor. I'm questioning as to whether or not it's really there. I quickly move to the ceiling - a popcorn ceiling - where I am blown away; the lighting in the room makes the ceiling look both purple and green. My pareidolia is going crazy and I see constantly shifting patterns in the white noise that is the popcorn ceiling. The crazy thing is knowing that there is no pattern to the nonsense I am seeing, but making out patterns regardless. I stare at this for awhile. The ceiling is flowing like water.

The exact order of events henceforth are kind of a blur. We lay in bed for the rest of the night, but the topics of discussion vary from point to point, mostly us complimenting each other and praising each other. At some point, Inside ended, and we listened to Hamilton. However, I hardly remember both the end of Inside nor the entirety of Hamilton, and so it's likely that around d approximately 5 oclock, began the Great Existential Breakdown (TM)

At approximately 5 oclock, I was peaking. Emotions were running high, and, in response to being hungry, I had a breakdown because I hated the fact that I was born into a world dominated by cruelty, inhumanity, and the insatiable drive for profit. I hated that I lived in a world where something as simple as hunger was a problem, and that food - a human right - is commodified. I hated that consumption was obligatory, and that to feed the endless gluttony that is the human need to consume, we exploit both our fellow humans, and the planet. I hated that in that obligatory need to consume, weve facilitated this social climate in which it's okay to pollute our world and exploit the human labor condition so as long as its convenient to the consumer and profitable to the corporation. (Now that I think about it, this may have been spurned by Bo Burnhams 'That Funny Feeling', which I feel like is his most powerful song on the album. ) This quickly evolved into how being born, and forced into a world without your consent where conditions like this exist in the first place is inherently a violent act, and that having children is immoral until we create an environment where those conditions are obsolete. Then to how bullshit it is that I am forced to take care of a meatsuit for the whole of my life, but I have to pay to upkeep all of it as if i had some choice in the matter. This lead to me talking about how I wanted to be a transient observer of the universe, untethered to any physical point in space. Not quite dead, not quite alive - still able to see things happen, but not be able to participate. I then went on to say how I didnt think suicide was the answer to my problems because that doesnt necessarily get rid of the conditions that lead to my despair, but rather creates new problems for my loved ones. I knew that the key was to live in despite of the despair and to continue on in search of my own personal meaning.

This breakdown lasted approximately 3 hours and was very emotional for both of us. We spent a lot of time crying and talking about stuff weve never spoken about before. The comedown was very gentle and helped me feel very cathartic and relaxed. Over the course of the comedown I took several dabs, a few of which brought me back to 'The Wonky Space' (TM). However, this was short lived. My girlfriend sat in the tub naked from the waist down, which quickly turned into a bath, and from there, after my breakdown, we started to relax, watch some Shameless, went downstairs, got some snacks, some drinks, and went to bed.

Before I fell asleep, and once I knew the experience was 100% over, I took some time to reflect and felt very satisfied with what happened. It wasnt at all what I expected the night to be, but I felt like I needed to do that, and experience that kind of existential pain. I felt very relaxed once I got control of my body again, and that peace - the general sense of wellbeing, happiness, lack of anxiety, connectivity to my partner and my fellow man - has persisted well into the next day, and will likely continue for at least the next week. 10/10 would do again.

Would I say I had a bad trip? No. Was it a good one? N...no. but I had a great time, it was fun, and enlightening, and helped me realize where I feel like I am struggling mentally.

[secretobsessionstuff]

hi!! I love love your writing! Do you think you could write something where Dakota's appendix is acting up, but he either doesnt know or doesnt want others to know? If not, its totally cool too

Aw thank you, Anon! This is my very first appendicitis fic and I had lots of fun with it. I find it so bittersweet that I can only inflict this on a character once. The ending is very awkward because I don’t know how to wrap up something this serious. I hope it’s good! 

Trigger Warning: Graphic descripting of vomiting, serious medical emergency, brief hospital visit!!

A harsh retch gurgled up from Dakota’s throat, bringing with it a flood of partially digested food. The dinner he’d eaten only a few hours ago was now splatting into the toilet. Tears squeezed from his eyes from the force of each heave that sent his body lurching forward. This was the third round of vomiting since Dakota had first bolted from the couch with a hand clamped over his mouth. He wasn’t entirely sure what brought this on, only that his stomach was cramping as if someone were treating his insides like a stress ball.

“Jesus, Kota,” Blair mumbled as she patted his back for what felt like the millionth time that night. “You sound like you’re trying to throw up an organ.” At the rate he was going, Blair was sure his voice would be shot in the morning and his entire stomach would be outside of his body.

“Really?” Dakota said thickly as he spat into the toilet. “I was trying to throw up a piano.”

Despite the discomfort he was in, Dakota still had it in him to grin. That grin quickly faded along with the remaining colour in his cheeks. He gagged once, clutched his aching belly, and threw up the last of his meal.

When he finished and looked in the mirror, Dakota would have guessed that he just ran a marathon. His face was slick with sweat and there was a stitch in his side that usually accompanied a vigorous run.

“What do you think is causing this?” Blair asked as she wrapped her arms around his torso.

“Dunno. Maybe the takeout was off?”

She shook her head. “We ate the same thing, and I feel fine.”

“Alright, no need to flaunt your perfect health,” he teased. “Whatever it is, I’d like it to stop.”

“I have just the solution…hopefully.”

As it turns out, Blair’s solution was sleep. Can’t throw up if you’re unconscious. The idea works in theory but in reality, not so much. Dakota tossed and turned in bed for a good hour before finally his stomach settled down enough for him to sleep. What finally helped in the end was Blair reaching her arm around his body to rub his belly. Dakota hardly ever got to be the little spoon, mostly because Blair was too small to reach around him comfortably. This time, she stacked a bunch of pillows under her body and sacrificed her own comfort for his sake.

                                                    …

In the morning, Blair tried her hardest to stay quiet. She snuck out of the room, careful not to make the floor creak. Dakota needed the sleep. Even though his face seemed scrunched up in pain, she decided that subpar sleep was better than nothing.

When Dakota finally awoke at noon, the first thing he registered was pain. The second thing he registered was that he was alone. Given the first thing, he really didn’t want to be alone, not when his belly was so upset. It was terrible ache, like he’d been stabbed in the stomach. It felt like someone was moving the knife through his intestines in a game of operation. In this sick game, whoever was controlling the tweezers was doing a god-awful job at avoiding the edges. An electrifying pain radiated through his belly, making his own version of a buzzer go off. He groaned with each successive wave of pain and called out to Blair.

His voice sounded pitiful to his own ears. Blair was right, his voice was indeed shot from vomiting last night, but now it was made much worse by the ache. Hopefully Blair heard his pathetic attempts to call her because there was no way in hell that he’d be able to get up. Relief flooded through him as his girlfriend emerged in the doorway.

Blair turned on the light. “How are you feeling this m– Kota?” Suddenly she was crouching by the side of the bed and moving Dakota’s hair away from his face. “Babe, what’s wrong? You look like hell.”

Dakota winced and gripped the sheets tightly in his fingers. “It hurts…my stomach – oh God, Blair make it stop.”

“Okay, okay. Dakota, talk to me,” she rushed out. “Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?”

Dakota didn’t reply right away. He curled in on himself, getting deeper into the fetal position. “Yes…” he didn’t know how to explain it. He was nauseous yes, but… “It’s more than that.”

“What do you mean?” Blair sounded almost frantic now. Her boyfriend’s face was distorted in pain. He wiggled uncomfortably, unbale to get into a position that helped.

The energy to speak just wasn’t there. Dakota wanted to answer but the knife in his abdomen twisted with each word. With his face buried in the bedsheets, Dakota’s breathing became ragged. Each cycle of breath was shallow and strained. He felt bile crawling up his throat.

Dakota tried lifting himself up onto his elbows. With his right arm, he raised himself ever so slightly, then using that same hand, he covered his mouth. The nausea was definitely trying to match the pain. Dakota’s left arm was busy being wrapped across his middle. Caught beneath his body, his left hand was clutching at his side. That was the source of the pain, only he couldn’t tell Blair that because a sudden gush of vomit filled his mouth.

With hardly enough strength to lean over the side of the bed, Dakota could only part his lips and watch as a small surge of sick dripped down his chin.

“Oh deer, al-alright…” Blair stuttered. She put her hand on Dakota’s shoulder to hold him up. “I’ve got you, baby.”

Dakota whimpered as a bitter string of bile hung from his lips. After the vomiting from last night, there really wasn’t much in his stomach to throw up. That didn’t stop the nausea from making itself known.

“Nghh, Bee…It hurts so bad,” Dakota mumbled through thick nausea. His chest heaved laboriously as he tried to take in air.

“I know, I know.” She could feel him struggling to breathe through the pain, for her hand was still on his shoulder. “Something is wrong. This isn’t right.”

“I just w– want it to stop.”

Blair wished more than anything she could grant his wish. Through all the worry, her brain had forgotten to think rationally, but things were starting to come back to her. “Where does it hurt?”

Dakota inhaled deeply through his nose as he dropped flat on his back. His shirt was already riding up his torso from all the writhing, exposing his sweaty skin. He placed both of his hands over the lower right side of his abdomen and groaned.

Blair didn’t know enough about serious medical issues, so she didn’t dare put pressure on the spot. She did however know pain like this would warrant a trip to the hospital. With light fingertips, she traced over the area. “Kota, I’m going to take you to the hospital.” She reached around his back and started helping him into a sitting position. 

Dakota moaned as the movement jostled his insides. “I don’t want to move.”

“Well, you don’t have much of a choice.” By this point Blair knew that she needed to get going despite what Dakota wanted. “This could be your appendix. We have to go now.”

Dakota stared at Blair as if she were the one pushing the knife in his gut. He closed his eyes in defeat, knowing she was right. “Okay…” he painstakingly threw one leg over the side of the bed, and then slowly did the same for the other.

“That’s it.” Blair coaxed him out of the bed. “I can get you a heating pad for the drive.”

Like an old grandpa, Dakota walked down the hall hunched over and groaning with each shuffle. And the stairs were the worst of all! It probably took a full minute to get to the first floor, because Dakota took an eternity on every step.

Blair didn’t rush him. She allowed him to lean on her as much as he needed, occasionally threatening to send them both toppling down the stairs. For so many reasons, she wished she could reverse their roles.

The drive to the hospital was hellish. Dakota felt every pothole and speedbump. Thankfully, he did have a heating pack full of warm rice to clutch against his side. It didn’t really do anything to help, but the illusion was nice.

In contrast, the wait in the ER was much easier. Though Dakota was disappointed that Madix wasn’t working, he was just happy to be seen quickly. The actual hospital visit was a blur. He vaguely remembered drinking some disgusting liquid, and then he was lying in hospital bed with three incision spots on his belly.

“Hey, beautiful. How do you feel?” Blair asked once Dakota was awake. She bent over to give him a kiss on the forehead.

Dakota squinted and shifted around on the bed. “Sore. I never want to do that again,” he said, half jokingly.

Blair smiled and brushed his hair behind his ear. “Unless you have another appendix that we don’t know about, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“I hope I didn’t scare you too bad.”

“Are you kidding? I was very calm the entire time.”

“Yeah, right…” Dakota said matching her smile. “And I was a delight to deal with, I’m sure.”

Blair shook her head while smiling softly. “I’m just glad you’re okay, now.” 

[shadedrose01]

Tony the Teddy

Ship: None. Platonic (parental/paternal) relationship between Peter Parker and Tony Stark

Summary: Peter loses his teddy bear, and gains something more.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 10, Teddy Bears, Peter Has a Teddy Bear, His name is Tony, But Tony and Tony Stark are not the same thing/person, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Aunt May is a good aunt whos just trying her best, Mentions of uncle ben - Freeform, Light Angst, Peter is a sad boy for a bit in this, But Tony Stark makes it better, Fluff, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Tony Stark is a Good Dad, Tony Stark Has A Heart

Day ten of Febufluff: "Teddy Bear"! (From the platonic list)

--

There was one constant in Peter's life growing up. When everything around him was swirled into chaos at the age of 7, when his parents got onto a plane and never came home, his uncle ben knelt down in front of him, told him the heartbreaking news, and gave him something.

A stuffie. A plush teddy bear with soft fabric in the shape of Iron Man's armour, apparently a gift his mother had planned to give him for his birthday but never got the chance to. Ben had given it to him, and had reassured him that he was so strong, as strong as a real life superhero, as strong as Iron Man, and that they'd get through this, the pain, the grief, the loss, together.

And Peter had held onto it tight, tears in his eyes and running down his cheeks, and had promised to his parents, to his uncle Ben and his Aunt May, and to��himself that he would never let it go, no matter what. Later that month, Peter would be sat in front of the tv, eyes glued to the screen and holding the teddy close as Tony Stark announced that he was Iron Man. From that point on, the bear was named Tony.

Tony stayed by his side throughout his roller coaster of a life. Dragged behind him during the few childhood years he had left, as a shoulder to cry on whenever the bullies got too much and a buddy to talk to while he had no friends. Then, when he found Ned and grew out of the age where bringing around a Teddy bear was acceptable, Tony stayed home, but he was always on Peter's bed, always there, a constant presence and reminder of warmth, comfort and love, of security and safety, and home.

Then Ben died, right in front of his eyes, in his arms, and Peter's life was flipped upside down again, but still, Tony was there. He remembers coming home from the hospital, still coated in dried up blood, his uncles blood, blood that was split because of him, it was all because of him, all his fault-, and grabbing the bear as soon as he hits his bed, burying his face into it and sobbing loudly, his river of tears soaking into the matted fur. But he had remembered his uncle's words, "With great power comes great responsibility", had remembered that he was strong, that he had to be strong for his aunt and had pulled himself together, and had pushed forward, even as he longed to give up.

Everything after that was a blur, becoming Spider-Man on a whim, meeting the real Tony Stark, fighting in Germany, the 'internship', the vulture, homecoming, the real internship. It all happened so fast, and yet, there Tony was, still sat on his bed like all those years ago, looking worn and torn from good use, but still there, still kicking, still around.

But now, Peter couldnt find him. He couldnt find him, and he was freaking out.

Peter was searching his room, practically tearing it apart trying to find the precious stuffie. Where could he be? He was on the bed this morning, Peter knows, he remembers him being in his normal spot before he left for school, but now hes not there, hes not anywhere, and he knows Happy is going to be there soon, and he cant find Tony-

"Peter? Are you ready?" His aunt calls out from the living room, and Peter shakes his head violently, anxiously, still checking under his bed and around his drawers for any sign of the Iron Man plushie.

"I can't find Tony." He calls back, his actions getting more frantic as he searches places hes already checked again and again, his chest tighten and stomach dropping more and more as time goes on. He needs to find him, he has to-

"Tony?" Aunt May sounds amused but her show show her concern as he rounds the corner to his room, not even flinching at the scattered mess of it. "Isn't he who you're going to see?"

Peter groans, stopping momentarily to run his hands through his hair. "No! I mean, yes, but not the same one!" At his aunt's puzzled look, Peter expands on his explanation. "You know, the teddy bear? Iron man costume, kinda- kinda frizzy looking?"

His aunt's eyes brighten with recognition, but also with confusion, and a hint of guilt. "Ohhh, that guy? I thought you weren't into stuffies anymore, so I gave him away."

Peter chokes on his spit, his heart breaking, eyes widening. "You- you did?! May! Uncle Ben gave him to me, and he was from my parents!" His voice is high pitched, shaky and loud as tears burning his eyes, feeling ripples of loss rushing through his body. It feels like losing his parents, losing Ben all over again.

Aunt May makes a noise of sympathy and her face scrunches up with guilt, a downward tilt to her lips. She reaches forward and places a hand onto his cheek, rubbing her thumb back and forth soothingly. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry, I thought it would be fine, I didn't think it would hurt you-"

"It-its okay." He sniffles, blinking back his tears and forcing a smile on to his face as he stands, swallowing back the lump in his through. "You're right, I should be over it by now."

His aunt's face scrunches even more, her face turning even more gut wrenchingly guilty. "No, baby, that's not-"

Peter feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, and, knowing it was from Happy, takes his escape as soon as physically possible. "I think Happy's here, I gotta go." He hears Aunt May call after him as he pushes past her and out the door, getting into the awaiting convertible quickly.

He isn't mad at his aunt, or blame her for getting rid of the teddy, she didnt know any better. She didnt know how important he was to Peter, but it still hurts, even though Peter knows it shouldn't. Its just a teddy bear, but he still finds himself wiping away stubborn tears the entire drive to the compound, feeling one small inconvenience away from sobbing his heart out.

He says a small thank you to Happy once they finally arrive, not noticing the man's worries stare as he takes a deep breath and makes his way to his mentor's lab, the doors opening immediately for him.

As soon as he walks into the room, Mr. Stark is already on his case, looking up from his project with a concerned frown, eyebrows furrowed. "Hey kid, everything alright? Happy said you were quiet on the way over."

Peter shakes his head and reinforces the fake smile on his face, hating the way his cheeks twitch with the effort. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." His voice is quiet, subdued even to his own ears as he walks to his station, picking up a pair of tweezers even if he has no plan to use them.

Mr. Stark snorts at him, giving him a look. "Yeeeeah, you see, Happy also told me that you were crying the entire way up here too, and that little act you're trying to pull isn't sitting so well with me right now, bud." Peter just stares down at his table and shrugs, watching as the tools get blurrier and blurrier as wetness fills his eyes again. Mr. Starks tone softens significantly as he places a hand on to Peter's shoulder. "Come on, Pete, what's going on in the head of yours, hm?"

Peter sniffs and wipes his eyes with his sleeve, mumbling. "It's stupid."

Mr. Stark rubs a thumb against his shoulder reassuringly. "If its upsetting you, it isn't stupid, kid."

"It is. It's just a teddy bear." Even as hard as he tries to keep his composure, his voice cracks at the end of his sentence, his eyes fill up again and he breaks as soon as the words are out of his mouth, placing a hand up to his lips as the first loud sobs echoes in the room.

Mr. Stark makes a small noise, before pulling him into his chest, holding him tightly as Peter sobs, soaking his old, ratty tshirt with his tears, hand curled into the fabric as he spills everything, how his uncle gave him the bear when it was little, how it came from his parents, all they've been through together, and mostly how much it meant to him. It takes a few minutes for Peter to calm back down again, and as much as he hates to admit it, he feels quite a bit better now that the tightness in his chest has ceased, the grip on his lungs loosening slightly as he got everything off his chest.

"See?" Peter chuckles wetly, sniffling. "Stupid."

"Look at me, bud." Mr. Stark pulls away, and thumbs away the wetness still littering his cheeks, tilting his head up to make sure he's looking him in the eye. "Just because it's a stuffed teddy bear doesnt mean it didnt mean a lot to you," Peter goes to rebuttal, but Mr. Stark blows over him. "And just because you know your aunt didn't mean to, its allowed to hurt. You're allowed to feel this way, Pete, it shows that you care." He smiles gently at the boy, who smiles back shakily.

"Yeah, I-I guess so."

"I know so." Mr. Stark states like it's a fact, patting Peter's cheeks and causing him to giggle, the sound making Mr. Starks entire face soften. "Feel better now?"

Peter nods firmly, smiling easily now. "Yeah, think so... thank you, Tony."

"Of course." The older man gives his shoulders one last squeeze before letting go completely and stepping back, walking back towards his project, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Now that we're done with all that emotional shit, wanna help me on this?"

Peter just grins back at him. "Hell yeah."

A few days later, when Peter comes back for his internship again, a stuffed Iron Man teddy bear is sat at his station. Theres no note or anything attached to it, and Mr. Stark never brings it up, but Peter knows it's from him. And, as he watches the man working in the corner of his eye, he smiles softly down at the teddy bear, his heart warm. He may have lost Tony the teddy, and one of his last connections to his parents and his uncle, but maybe, just maybe, he can make some new memories with this little guy by his side. New memories with his friends, with his new father figure, and his new family as a whole.

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Perfect Birthday~

Au: Kaishi

Part: twelve

Theme: Fluff? Comedy? Who knows lol

(These 2 are going on an adventure)

"Buttercream? No that wont do. Vanilla with a touch of banana or Strawberry? Shoot! What about...hmmm...." You focused on the ingredients so hard that you were developing a light headache. Meanwhile, your husband sat across from you at the kitchen table, scrolling through his laptop for themes and present ideas. "Y/N, just settle on chocolate and call it a day." Kai announced while his eyes hovered on a Circus theme. He shuddered lightly at the thought of animals being involved. 'Absolutely not' he thought to himself. You sighed and put the ingredients list down. "I cant settle on Chocolate. I'm worried that someone might have an allergy to it. I'm also so worried about the vegan adults that might be here. What about the picky eaters too? Kai, I feel like I'm going insane right now." You gripped the sides of the chair you sat on. He peeked up at you and notices your incoming distress. He sighed and stood up to move behind you. He softly gripped each of your shoulders and began to give you an impromptu massage. "Stop worrying so much about it so much, Angel. Just do chocolate cake since its the brat's favorite flavor. We can go with a vegan cupcake option that should be safe for the people with chocolate allergies as well. As for the others, there will be other food and even beverage options. You're working so hard for people I dont even care about. This is all for my son and no one else but him. His happiness is my only concern."

You sighed and reached up to place a hand on your husband before turning to smile sweetly at him. "Kai, you're being sweet today." You teased him and he scoffed. "Anyway, I know you only want to focus on Kaishi but having other kids here for the first time, other than Ishida, is like his dream come true. It took me a lot of time to get on the parents good sides. It took a lot of time for them to want to bring other kids around Kaishi because if the yakuza affiliations. Had it not been for the fact that you've began working into charity for the city, I dont think anyone would've given us a chance. Bow we have parent friends, and now Kaishi has a chance for an amazing birthday this year. Let's not mess this up, okay? That means NO EXCESSIVE GERMAPHOBIA, and NO ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR okay?" You drilled it home at the end. He sighed in annoyance. "Ugh fine. I'll try to conversate with the other scum as if they never insulted the yakuza before. You had better be lucky I appreciate you and Kaishi at this point or this wouldn't be happening." Kai complained before pulling his medical mask down and kissing you lightly on your lips. "You two are being icky again. I'm going to tell Grandpa on you guys." Kaishi's voice brought you two back to reality. "Oh hush, and mind your business." Kai said as he ruffled his son's short hair playfully. Kaishi giggled and swatted the gloved hand away. He took a seat at the kitchen table next to Kai's laptop and peeked over to see what was on the screen. While you went to fix him some oatmeal, his father bolted to the seat and slapped the laptop closed. "No peeking. Havent you any manners?" Kai fussed lightly while Kaishi smiled. "Its okay daddy, I already know you two are planning my birthday for tomorrow." The boy said proudly. "That may be so, but it doesnt mean we cant at least surprise you with the decorations and food." Kai explained. You placed breakfast in front of Kaishi and sat down with your boys. Pops had just entered the kitchen at this point. "Family breakfast? Dont mind if I do." He smiled and took a seat next to you. "Grandpa, what will you give me for my birthday?" Kaishi asked excitedly. Kai flicked his cheek. "Dont be rude brat, respect your elders." He scolded him as Pops laughed. "Oh calm down, Chisaki my boy. My grandson is very calm at this age compared to how you used to act." Pops said with a smirk as you laughed and Kai blushed lightly with embarrassment. "Anyway, my Grandchild your gift will have to remain a surprise until tomorrow." Pops winked and Kaishi groaned. "Aw man. Well, mom/dad? What will you get me?" He turned to look at you in anticipation. You put a finger to your chin to think for a second. Then you snapped and made an 'Ah-Ha' expression. "I'm going to get you a fancy suit! Maybe I'll get some toys too. Just maybe, you'll have to wait and see." You teased him and he smiled. "Daddy, what about you?" He looked at Kai for an answer. "Just like Pops said, it will be a surprise. However, I'll take the time now to ask you what you want as a gift from all of us. It'll serve separately from the gifts we'll get you so dont worry." Kai watched his son expectantly as Kaishi searched his little mind. Seconds later he piped up excitedly:

"SMOOGLY!!!" He shouted happily and raised his arms dramatically in the air. You and Pops laughed while Kai tilted his head in confusion. "Smoo-what? Are you well? Are you speaking in tongues???" Kaishi giggled at his father's confusion. You turned towards Kai to explain. "Kai, Smoogly is a character from Kaishi's favorite show. He's this giant lollipop that dances and sings. Yknow, kids love that stuff." Kai stared at you for a second before nodding. Then he turned his attention back to Kaishi eating breakfast finally. "Alright then, you want Smoogly then that's what you'll get." After breakfast, Kaishi went to call Ishida on the phone. You monitored in awe, gushing as your baby talked to his little crush over the phone. The two were fast friends, and she was the first/only child in the class to accept and support Kaishi to the fullest degree. Meanwhile, Pops went to the backyard to water the flowers and feed the Koi in the pond. Kai headed out to the car to call Kurono/pick him up. "Chrono, I know I've given you the off day but I need a favor." Kai spoke on the car wireless phone while he drove. "Yeah man, what's up?" Hari answered from the other side. He was currently face deep in a 3rd bag of chips as he reclined on his sofa. "The brat's birthday is tomorrow and it's his first big one with other parents and children expected to be there. He wants some actor there to perform or something. Some thing called Smogie or Smothly or something like that."

"OHHHHH!!!! You're talking about Smoogly!" Hari shouted excitedly, his voice boomed over the car speakers. "Yeah whatever that mess is. Anyway, help me track him down and I'll give you tomorrow off to repay you from today. You can also have some leftover cake." Kai offered him. "Bet!" Kurono answered shortly before hanging up and getting ready. In moments Kai was at his door to retrieve him. The two men drove around for a bit while Kurono did some searching online. Lucky for him, it wasn't that hard to find Smoogly's booking information. "Found it, Kai. It says here that we can email and make a down payment, or call the home offices for a response in about...14 days." Kai almost slammed on the breaks. "14 days??? No that's not possible for a booking that could be denied. My Kaishi's birthday is tomorrow. We need to get this Smoogly there as soon as possible." He felt a bit of panic set in. Kai would never forgive himself if he couldn't get his son's biggest wish for his birthday. "Hey man chill. We'll just go to his office and speak to him directly. I mean, we've got a little pull when it comes to money. Also, we're yakuza so..."

"I know what you're thinking Chrono, and the answer is no. We cant push too many buttons or we'll end up leaving the gray area in which we operate in. I cant afford to get arrested on Kaishi's birthday." Hari rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever man. Just take a left onto the main freeway and we should reach the exit in like 30 minutes. After that, we just follow the main road for 4 more minutes, take a right at the stop light, and turn off the Broadway drive. Smoogly's office should be right between a steak restaurant and a car dealership." Hari explained the directions. Kai nodded and the two were on their way. Once they made it to the offices, they took a number and sat in the waiting room. The wait wasnt uncomfortable to Kai...it was the old man across from them that kept coughing that made him uncomfortable. He felt hives pop up on his arms. Luckily the two were called before he went insane! Only minutes later they were standing before a chubby man smoking a cigarette behind a desk. He had dark hair, and was balding right in the middle of his head. His skin was just a step away from being super pale (no doubt because he had the costume on a lot) His noticable feature was the large mole on his cheek. He was clearly a foreigner from some city somewhere, thanks to his accent.

(!!!Reader, think about Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!!)

"Alright, what can I do for you two men? Wait a minute, you two are the tax guys right?"

"Uhhh, no. No we're here to inquire about an opening to hire you? The pay will of course be-"

"Yeah yeah yeah. Pay doubled blah blah. I've heard this a million times before. I get bastards like you that come in here every single day asking to pay extra just so I can come to your event. The moms are even worse since they also think they're entitled to my services." The chubby man interrupted Kai. "Please. It's my son's birthday. You see, this birthday is special because he's never had-"

"Pshhh...yeah buster, you're kid is special. Just like everyone else that's come in here before you to say the same thing. Bottom line is that I ain't doing it. If you want my services than file through email or take it up with the front desk. Deposits non-refundable if you get denied. Have a nice day." He put out the cigarette and picked up a rather inappropriate nude magazine. Kai looked at Chrono and sighed as if to say Hari can take over. Hari smiled darkly and went to approach the desk. The chubby man hadn't looked up from the magazine as he spoke. "Look man, I said piss off. What, you didnt get the picture the first time or-" he immediately froze and turned his attention to Hari when he heard the click of the gun. When he turned, he was staring down the glock.

Hari spoke up darkly. "Hey buddy, I'm a changed man but that doesn't mean shit is sweet. I've killed a dozen people before and I'm not afraid to go to prison. Either you do my nephews birthday party tomorrow, or we wear your face on a memorial T-Shirt. Fuck is it gonna be? Eh???" The man gulped and shakily reached his finger out to the voice machine on his desk. "Deborah cancel all my appointments tomorrow, I've got a birthday to go do." Hari and Kai smiled when they heard the voice reply 'Right away, sir.' They bid the man goodbye and left the office. The next day, Kaishi rushed to the backyard after taking a quick shower and getting ready. It was decorated beautifully with bounce houses, a splash area, party games, an extensive food/present table, swings, slides, etc. Most importantly, the parents actually showed up with their kids. Kaishi almost cried tears of happiness when he finally had friends to play with. Meanwhile, you and Pops chatted with the other parents until Smoogly arrived to perform. The kids absolutely loved every bit! Every once in a while, the Lollipop turned to look at Kurono standing in the corner, smirking menacingly and daring him to slip up just once. Smoogly quickly turned around and kept performing. At the end of his shift, he was paid extra just as Kai promised, and Kaishi got to take a picture with him. Finally it came time for presents. Kaishi was happy to receive so many gifts, but he was more eager to get his gifts from you, Kai, and Pops (even Hari got him a secret gift at the last minute). Kaishi smiled at the wooden box Pops had given him. When he opened it, it revealed a small pin on a soft cushion. It was shiny and brand new. It was the symbol of the Hassaikai, the infamous flower design. "My grandson, when your father was younger I had given him this very same gift. Please be sure to take good care of it." He gently placed a hand on Kaishi's head. The boy nodded excitedly and passed the box for you to hold while he opened up the remaining gifts. It was a surprise jacket from you to him. It was just a smaller version of Kai's jacket! Plus that suit you promised, and a few other Smoogly themed toys as well. From Hari, he recieved a new helmet for his new bike. Finally from Kai he received a matching mask. With the suit and the jacket, he was the matching embodiment of his very on father (aside from inheriting some of your skin tone depending on your color, my dear reader).

This was truly the perfect birthday.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

[wreckofawriter]

1/2 Could I have a HP golden trio ship? My name is Stacy, I am a woman, and I am straight. My house is Slytherin, but I personally identify as a hufflepuff! I’m 5’4, a little on the curvy side, I have longe blonde hair and I wear black round glasses. Due to mental health issues, I tend to feel my emotions much more intensely than most. I love to take care of people and am super understanding, but my downfall is I don’t care for myself in the same way. I am very witty and love to laugh.

I ship you with...

Fred Weasley!

He never noticed you before

You unfortunately noticed him, he was after all one of the Weasley twins and therefore impossible to miss

You fell in love with the older twin at age 13 before you could stop yourself

You didnt even bother pursuing the helpless crush you knew he didnt know you existed

Fred tended to see all green robes as one giant evil one so you were merely another face amongst the bag guys

He first interacted with you in fourth year when you missed throwing a snowball at one of your friends and hit him instead

He was prepared to cuss at who ever was responsible when snow melted down his back but then he turned around and was met with you cowering behind one of your freinds who was laughing her head off

He just smiled and waved at you laughing a bit

You damn near passed out

Your freind was loosing her mind

Fred being the flirt that he was made his way over to you and attempting a flirtatious banter

It was quite one sided as you stumbled to even say your name

Fred thought your were completely adorable

When he saw you sitting at a table full of green he damn near spit out his pumpkin juice

"Shes SLYTHERIN!?"

Fred was not sure how to cope with this information, you seemd so sweet and cute

He immediately set out to crush his affection towards you

He did this the only way he knew how, pranks

His plan did not end how he had intended

Much to his disappointment seeing anters sprout from your head brought him absolutely no joy or pleasure

Instead he felt like a peice of shit

Especially when he saw tears begin to prick your eyes, magnified by you adorable glasses

The feeling of shit didnt go away

So instead he swallowed his pride and apologized

You only smile and say it's fine and that its no big deal

Your friends told a different story

For some reason the shit feeling still doesn't go away

He starts watching you in classes, unsure what hes feeling

He realizes hes gone to far when he starts following your around

You notice his eyes on you, his footsteps trailing after you, you try to brush it off but its driving you insane

How are you possibly supposed to focus when you can feel Fred boring holes in the back of your head?

You finally confront him about it and Fred isnt quite sure what to say, he doesn't know why hes following you, he also doesnt know why he stares at you

You politely ask him to stop before leaving

Finally fred gets so desperate he does something he would never imagine doing in a billion years

He asks Ginny for help

"You obviously have a thing for her."

"I do not!"

"Your such a moron sometimes."

"Shes a Slytherin!"

"So? What would you do if she wasnt?"

And the truth quickly came to him

The next day he asked you out and you had been elated

He quickly begins to realise how little the color of your robes actually mean

You become one of the most important things in his life

He shows off in his quidditch matches

You pester him to study more constantly tell him that staying up so late isnt good for him

Fred notices almost immediately that you are constantly breaking your own rules

He then begins to force you to do the same things you force him

"Go to bed, you can finish that essay later."

"Drink more water, you will get dizzy again."

"You need to take a break, let's go get food."

Fred is willing to beat up anyone who messes with you

He still cant believe that for someone who seems so quiet and sweet you throw around witty comebacks like confetti

Never been more amazed by someone

Steals your glasses all the time

Refuses to let you put yourself down

Will shower you in complements

Doesnt care where you are or who you are with, if you start to look sad or angry he will come straight up to you and kiss you

Almost always makes you feel better

Holds your hand constantly, refuses to let go when hes feeling clingy

Always make you feel better to be yourself

[lcmontagne]

(CHARLIE GILLESPIE, MALE) - Have you seen JAMESON LAMONTAGNE? JAMIE is in JUNIOR YEAR year. The HEALTH & PHYS ED MAJOR is/are 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say HE is/are CHARMING, OUTGOING, DIMWITTED and GULLIBLE. Rumors say they’re a member of KINCAID. I heard from the gossip blog that THEY WERE BLACKMAILED INTO RELATIONS BY THE COACH’S DAUGHTER TO KEEP HIS SPOT ON THE BASEBALL TEAM. 

this is my newest (old) baby, Jamie! a summary is Himbo Rights, basically.

STATISTICS

name : Jameson Elias LaMontagne

nicknames: Jamie, JJ, James

age : twenty-one

school year : Junior

major : phys ed & health education

date of birth : dec 25th

zodiac sign : capricorn

sexuality : pansexual

+ traits : charming, outgoing, kind,

- traits : gullible, , dimwitted, stubborn

PERSONALITY:

he’s a straight up himbo, but a himbo with a heart of gold. Funny dude, loves to joke around and make those around him laugh. Will beat up frat guys who try to take home wasted girls, will also pass out at the same party huggin a pillow he found in an upstairs bedroom. 

loves hobbies, especially cooking!! his dad owns a family restaurant down near bourbon street, so he’s picked up on quite a few family recipes. A stress cooker, loves 2 feed people.

thinks being in kincaid is chill as hell, it means fun parties and plenty of people to meet. Doesnt really buy into societies?? like he doesnt get why some are so prestigious, assumes theyre all the same. 100% accepted the invite because his buddy was invited too and he didn’t wanna miss him.

He knows damn well he’s not the brightest, doesn’t pretend to be. But he loves when people are passionate about things they love, even if its academics. Talk his ear off for an hour about shakespeare or russian lit, he won’t complain. He’ll smile and follow along, even if half goes above his head.

he feels everything, whether its extreme highs or extreme lows. He doesnt let many people see the lows, still hasn’t brought himself to ask for help about it. His dad just said he’s got a big heart, too big for the fucked up world they live in. Jamie doesn’t like to think about more than that.

can be a but of a dick on the defense if you openly imply he’s a moron though, it’s a sore spot at such a high stakes school

a little ?? about the death and drama. Does now carry pepper spray that he’s almost certain is expired.

DETAILS

tw: mentions of injury, car accidents

He is very pretty, & very nice. That’s about all we got goin’.

Born the only child of Kelly & Daniel LaMontagne, result of a drunken hookup between friends & cause of a shotgun wedding to follow. Born on christmas day at 2am, his mom called him the best gift they’d ever gotten. (his dad joked about losing the gift receipt. its a thing)

They were married until he was 4, & then decided they truly just made better friends. amicable divorce, no lingering trauma. 

Dad moved back to New Orleans, mom moved up to Rhode Island, he spent his time growing up bouncing between the two, but spent a lot of the time including the school year in New Orleans, due to his mom being a surgeon and his dad being able to devote more time and waking hours to their son.

repeated kindergarten, got diagnosed with ADD pretty young.

his dad thought he needed an outlet for his energy, so after school clubs and sports became the Thing. Soccer, karate, gymnastics, he tried it all, but nothing ever stuck before baseball.

The boy fell in love, ate slept and breathed it. Was actually really damn good too, and played all through middle and high school in hopes of playing major league. 

His junior year of high school he and his best friend were driving home from a late practice when a driver fell asleep at the wheel, and veered head on into their lane. Jamie woke up with a broken collarbone and a concussion. Tyler woke up paralyzed from the waist down. He was out for the rest of the season, and the guilt he has about Tyler he still carries with him to this day. ( they face time still, though less these days. He thinks it hurts ty, to see him here.)

Senior year he was back, but behind. & slowly lost any chance at getting majorly scouted for D1 colleges. So he did his best, even if it wasn’t ever quite enough.

Yates was solely due to a very large donation made by his mother to the medical program at school, hoping her son would take being on campus as a chance to branch out, explore other programs and passions.

Joke is on her, he enrolled as a goddamn phys ed major and spends most of his non class times on the field or gym. He’s determined to make it count, and do what he feels he was Born To Do. 

His grades majorly tanked the end of last semester, and he fell just under the GPA he needed to remain on the team. Desperate to remain, he gave in to the offer of going on a date with the coach’s daughter in exchange for her talking to her dad about remaining on the team.

Joke’s on him now, because she definitely expected more than just dinner, and every few months she dangles his fate in her hands and he’s forced to give in all over again. Not proud of it, but he’s resigned and accepted that fate.

loves people!! & activities and life most of the time. A sweet dude who gives solid hugs. & that’s where i’ll leave this.

his WANTED CONNECTIONS can be found clicking anywhere here! pls holla @ me or let me @ u bc he needs it all.

[fiftyshadesgrl]

I hate fighting with henry, especially when its over the dumbest shit. I sit silently on the bed waiting for him to speak or at least move. Hes standing next to the bedroom door with his arms crossed across his chest.

Hes staring at me, trying to make me give in but this is something i simply will not do.

"Why dont you want to go to the party?" He finally asks after what seems like an hour of sitting in silence.

I roll my eyes at him, "really? You have to ask that?"

He nods and raises his eyebrows like he doesnt know why i dont want to go.

"Because its your fucking ex girlfriend. Its her party, shes doing this just to get under my skin." I raise my voice a little but still try to remain calm.

He chuckles, "baby, this is a promotional party for actors and actresses. I need to at least make an appearance because we are starring in a movie together."

I stand up, "oh so just because youre making a movie together that means you have to run to her when she calls!"

He walks towards me but i back up towards the bathroom. He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "Im not running to her, this is nothing more than me being professional. It has nothing to do with her."

I try my hardest not to let the tears fall but they do. I turn and walk into the bathroom, closing the door with more force than i intended and locking it. The door knob started rattling as soon as i locked it, then henry started banging on the door.

"(Y/N), open the door." He said calmly.

I started running some bath water in the tub and added some bath oil, the water drowning out henrys voice for the moment. While the bath is filling up i strip down and climb in. Bringing my knees up to my chest my thoughts start running wild. Henry has had plenty enough time to go back to his ex but he hasnt. He has veen filming with her for a little over six months already and he still comes back to me.

Maybe im being childish and petty but i cant help it. I love henry and the last thing i want to do is lose him. I want to be selfish but i cant, i cant come between him and his work.

I pulled henrys tshirt on as i got out of the bath and towel dried my hair. I unlocked the bathroom door and saw henry standing at the window looking out. He looked over at me and his eyes raked up and down my body. I made my way over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Im sorry." We whisper at the same time. "Even though i want to keep you here all to myself, i cant be selfish. I know deeep down in my heart you would never betray my trust. That woman just drives me crazy, thinking about you and her being in the same room together makes me want to rip her hair out by the roots." I growl.

He chuckles, "i love it when you get all fight club. Turns me on." He winks at me.

I bite my bottom lip and run my fingers up abs and over his chest. I grab his shirt with both hands and rip it apart, buttons flying everywhere.

He growled and lifted me up by my ass. My hands gripped his shoulders as a gasp left my lips. I could feel how hard he was and i began grinding against him. He turned and pressed me up against the wall, his lips found my neck and began licking and sucking gently. I moaned when he nibbled on my collar bone, "henry...please."

I felt his hand gliding up my thigh until it rested on my hip. He pulled me closer and began rocking his hips against my core. My head fell back against the wall as i felt the oh so familiar knot in my stomach beginning to tighten.

"So wet for me baby. Should i make you cum like this?" Henry whispered in my ear.

I nodded but couldnt form words to reply to him. He started moving faster and soon i was releasing all the tension i had felt earlier.

"Holy fuck sweetheart. Youre soaking my jeans." He grunted, he pressed his hips into me and held me in place as he undone his belt and jeans. I heard them slump to a pile on the floor. I was still shaking from my release but he didnt give me a second to recover. He shoved himself into me all the way to the hilt. I screamed out in pleasure as his movements were hard and fast.

"Damn it baby, you drive me fucking crazy." His thrusts was hitting just the right spot as he whispered dirty things to me in my ear.

"This pussy is all mine. Only i can make you scream. Im gonna make you squirt all over me."

I clawed at his shoulders and fused my mouth to his. His tongue expertly moving with mine. I started sucking on his tongue and something inside him snapped.

He turned us quickly, throwing me onto the bed. He shed his remaining clothes quickly and then ripped his shirt off of me. He threw the rag that was his shirt i was wearing behind him. He then pulled me to the edge of the bed and placed my legs on his shoulders as he kneeled in front of me. He gave me a arrogant smirk before delving between my legs.

My back arched off the bed as he shoved three fingers into me. Curling them upwards to hit my gspot as his tongue done wicked things to my clit. "Henry....baby. im going to cum."

He started pounding his fingers into me, "come on baby. Cum for me, squirt for me." He said and thats all it took.

I could feel myself squirting as he pounded his fingers into me. He never let up. "Shit! Thats right baby i want every drop." He growled, my vision started to blur and i was shaking uncontrablly. He pulled his fingers out of me and i gasped trying to catch my breath, but he shoved his cock into me right after. Hard and fast, skin slapping against each other, our groans and moans filling the room.

"Im cumming!" He yelled but i hadnt stopped. The moment he slid back into me i continued to squirt. I felt him spill his seed into me and when he finally slumped down beside me, i was exhausted. I used the last bit of my strength to roll over and lay my head on his chest. His arm wrapped around me, it rested on my hip.

"Baby, youre shaking all over." He whispered. All i could manage was a nod. When our hearts had went back to beating normally and we could finally breathe enough to talk he looked down at me. "Our sheets are soaked, i dont think you have ever squirted that much."

I smiled and placed a kiss over his heart. "Only you can do that to me."

He pulled me to where i was laying on top of him. "Only me. No one else will ever do that to you." I kissed his lips and nodded.

"I will go to the party with you." I say against his lips. I felt his turn up into a smile and i couldnt resist kissing them again.

"You sure?"

I nodded "of course, if i get jealous at the party you can just whisk me somewhere and fuck it out of me." I use his trade mark and wink at him. He chuckles and lays his head back on the bed.

"Youre gonna be the death of me." He groaned as he rubbed his hand over his face.