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vinnsley · 11 months

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Could you write an Orpheus x reader fic where the two of them are unknowingly pinning over each other? Have a wonderful day/night too!

OMG. yes. tysm.

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+ Halloween special?? (it dosent have any halloween things. i actually planned to post this yesterday)

Pairing: Orpheus (IDV) x GN! Reader

Warnings: None really, just some oblivious mess of a fic lol. And some grammar mistakes ofc

Word count: Idk man i aint counting this shit... (i only know this is probably my longest work yet...)

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You arrived at the manor a few weeks prior, and so far, it's been nice. Most of the other survivors were nice, teamwork for matches were there, (even if sometimes it didnt really work out and you and the 3 others had a shameful lose.) it felt better than your old life to be precise.

But there was this one survivor that had peaked your interest. That survivor being none other than Orpheus himself. He was a quiet individual, sure, but whenever he spoke his voice felt like silk, something you could listen to for hours and hours without a stop.

You wanted to get closer to him, to get to know him better. But you didnt want to come off as rude or obnoxious. So you did what any other normal person would do who's afraid of making the first move. You wrote a letter.

The handwriting was 'neat' in youre opinion, the contents... probably okay. You were just waiting for his response.

You werent sure that if he took you up on the offer to be friends, or he would just nit-pick your wording and grammar, but your heart told you it's worth a shot.

And indeed was it worth it.

At first it was obvious he was hesitant to meet, but after a few meetings/'hang outs' as you called it, he realized you werent so bad after all.

You two quickly clicked. You two had similar interests, similar type of 'humor', and it just felt so perfect for you.

And you hoped it would be the same feeling for him too.

"[Y/N]?"

You're head perked up as you heard his beautiful voice. Your name rolling perfectly off his tounge.

"Yes, Orpheus?"

You question.

God, how much he loved your voice.

At first he wasn't that much of a fan of you, but now, he would do anything to just merely be in your presence.

"I have a question for you."

You raise an eyebrow at that. What does he have to know?

"Hit me."

You respond

"What is youre favourite color?"

"Uh... [Favourite color]. Why?"

"Oh nothing. I was just curious."

He responds.

In reality, he just wants to learn about you. Anything in general.

Whatever you say he memorizes. Or writes it down somewhere. It may sound stalker-ish but when you're stuck in a manor where you're being hunted down by monsters and where you might go nuts, it dosen't really matter.

And most of the days just went like this. Orpheus or you popping up in eachothers spaces to ask questions about eachother, or just talk.

The other survivors were practically begging you to get together with Orpheus, appearently you and him are 'All over eachother', which is not true!

You two only hang out. And talk all the time. And team up during matches. And save eachother without a second thought even if it meant one of you'd lose the match. And share food with eachother-

Okay now thats pretty sus in reality...

And that's when you realized for once. (And finally.)

You like... No. You love Orpheus.

After you realized... you... kind of kept a distance between him and you.

You just didnt know what to do with these new feelings. They are foreign. New. Whatever you want to call it, but its not familiar.

And of course, this action did not go unnoticed by Orpheus, see, he is a really attentive person, he 'knows these stuff', as you told him once

Whenever he called your name, or even tried to get in your personal space, you moved away or just simply ignored him.

Which did not sit right with him at all.

You two got along so well, what happend?

Did he do something wrong?

Did he offend you with something he said?

He knows he can be blunt but did he hurt you??

Needless to say he was confused. Very confused.

So one day, he decided to write a letter.

If he wrote you didnt have a chance to runaway... right?

And the letter was... detailed. Way too detailed.

He wrote about his worries that he offended you, he asked why are you ignoring him and if he did something wrong, and he said he misses you.

When you read the letter that got pushed trough the small space under your door, you didnt know how to take it.

Did this mean he likes you too? Or what does this mean..?

Let's say you wrote a letter back. But you were way bolder.

You poured out your heart into that letter, you told him how much your heart aches whenever you cant see him, but you realized these strange feelings that kept bugging you.

That you love his silky voice, whenever he talks it felt like a lullaby to you that you could just sleep on without a care in the world.

And when HE read the letter he was flabbergasted. No better or worse word to describe it.

After thinking deeply and reading your letter over and over again, he realized it too.

What he felt inside his stomach whenever you two were close wasn't only friendship. It was love.

He finally realized, you did too.

So he wrote a letter back, again.

Confessing that he felt the same, and that you two should meet up already because he misses you.

In the end... You two confessed the same way you two's friendship started to bloom.

#i have no idea how pining works in reality #i also dont know how to tag #idv x reader #idv #idv dating hcs #idv headcanons #hcs #idv scenarios #idv fanfic #idv fanfiction #scenarios #idv orpheus #idv orpheus x reader #idv novelist #fanfiction #eugenestutters

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scoupssolo · 3 years

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Oohhh tumblr gave me a notification you posted and saw you made some cheolie gifs AND you got my ask? Maybe 2022 is a good year afterall (that and woozi solo heeeyy)

BUT yay!! Im not really friends with skz fans (or i am but I just don't know it nor am I deep in the community anywhere so I'm happy I can share this with ya! But ahh I agree! I mean I understand why it might be uncomfy which is valid but I also think it is ok to watch old content. I mean I think the same way with monsta x like it hurts not to see wonho but I STILL enjoy their old stuff because it is entertaining (yes two different scenarios but I hope you know what I mean) and the first finding skz is so fun!! Alot of the scenes in the show I have seen in like, youtube compilations of funny moments fans should know and I was confused where some of them were from bUt as I watched finding skz I was like "omg I know this now!" Like I always saw the moment of hyunjin wearing those poor slippers in the first episode in many compilations so now I know where it came from (but also poor hyunjin like I was wheezing but I felt bad for him) or like the final episode they are just chaotic lol like their trainee back stories im like what? XD han eating ice cream in his sleep? Thats hilarious but cute also. The Australia is very much wholesome, I was just smiling the entire time. Both chan and felix planning was thoughtful and the fact they shared it with the members makes me feel so warm inside. I can make an entire essay on this episode alone but I won't, I don't think it would send my ask lolol. So yes I agree it is fun watching groups grow and you go back to watch how they started and see them now. They changed but also haven't if that makes sense? (Omg when his hair is fluffy while being blonde!? Jdjajsjjs just yesss. Idk why but it reminds me of an elf? Like blonde fluffy chan is an elf confirmed)

But oohhh that's so interesting to know! I am now going to try to find other end of the year performances they remixed hehe which if I may ask since you are the resident skz president, which is your favorite remix stage they did? Love our self producing beans, very much yes to the svt x skz similarities! Its why I think for me, it was so easy to get into skz (outside of their music of course) due to their dynamic is very much like svt. Plus some ARE friends with each other (minho and seungkwan or vernon and chan are friends!)

I think that is all for now? Until our next chit chat and hopefully my ask doesn't get lost in space cx happy new year once again! May the new year be filled with good things for ya dreamy!

HI!, sorry i was so tired yesterday i didnt have the brain power to answer this and i wanted to make sure I could l. Im s excited for Woozi's solo i feel like his is THE one i've been waiting for since i got into svt because its Woozi arfsgfda

I also agree its a tricky position to become a fan of a group after a member has left, no matter what the circumstances are (skz being v different from mx but i totally understand what you meant) I know when I get into groups i also watch a billion compilations of things and its always so exciting to see where they're from when you start to really dive deep. skz i think also has a lot of moments in their content that somehow doesnt make it into comps a lot even though I think theyre some of their funnier moments so it really is satisfying to go deep diving for them in particular.

Let's see if i can remember some of their changed stage mixes lol

Theres this Side effects | I am You (ballad Version) | Victory Song | and obviously all their kingdom performances were super changed versions of songs. Also all of their end of the year performances in 2020 of gods menu had different mixes and dance breaks (poor Chris so much remixing of that song lmao) my favorite is the I am you from this concert (it's at 1:15:10) also heres the second half if you just wanna see the whole concert lol

I know that Minho and Seungkwan are definitely friends, and that all of svt definitely know skz. most recently in Jenghan's live he talked about Minho accidentally starting a live from the skz staff account asfgd and Chris has said multiple times that svt is a group that really takes care of skz which obviously makes me wanna scream and cry :D

#drm.ask #skz anon #anon

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selfcareparker · 4 years

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okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

#ok i wrote some if this on the tube/on the bus/at the dentist/in bed so if this seems like it’s all over the place #that’s bc i was literally all over the place skshg #*of #also i love how you used tags skajahsg #lovely anon #<3 #sorry if some of the sentences didn‘t make sense or were too fucking long i wrote half of this half asleep #and i know i dont have to apologise but still like no one should have to read all my page long sentences that arent even proper sentencesskk

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b00bconnoisseur · 6 years

Text

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

#my face #mutual peeps #not-my-brain #asks #60 questions

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gvmrot · 2 years

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Separatist anon here - its funny to me when osa women get mad at me bc there are lots of women throughout history & around the world who were celibate and they didnt do it for a political reason - they did it bc they cherished their freedom. I didnt know separatism was a practice but Ive been doing it for a long time without even knowing it was a radfem thing. I did it bc I love myself more than anything

"Separatist anon again: sleep3r4gent(.)tumblr(.)com/post/687397324261064704/why-do-you-dislike-the-term-internalized-misogyny#notes - this is how i feel about osa women"s victim complex. Im tired of them refusing to take accountability of how theyve harmed other women"

Linked post (idk how to add images to asks if i even can anymore lol) Anon Question: Why do you dislike the term internalized misogyny? I thought it just meant internalized sexism? OP's Answer: "bc it’s annoying, diverts attention and ultimately means nothing. theoretically all misogynist beliefs a woman holds are “internalized misogyny”, even when it’s things that dont currently affect her and possibly never will like thinking masculine women arent “real women”. by calling it internalized misogyny you’ve directed the conversation from whats at hand, a woman being sexist to other women and perpetuating misogyny, to be about her internal feelings (or your supposition of her internal feelings) and how we have to be nice to her. the abuser was abused in the past type shit, it’s obnoxious like even if it’s worth talking about, now is not the time when you’re talking about the victims or general impact of their actions lmao. also theres an assumption that internalized misogyny directly translates to self hatred. could not be further from the truth, how many countless cases have we heard of of anti choice women who got abortions themselves because “their case is ok” and kept being anti choice? or victim blaming women who have suffered sexual abuse themselves yet treat other victims as lying bitches unlike them pure truthful victims? srsly stop coddling these women, theyre not suffering from bigotry they are just perpetuating it. the concept of self directed misogyny is real and worth talking about and helping women with but it’s not the same thing as what people currently consider “internalized misogyny” to be"

------

For the first part, I agree. It is a little funny because these women, being self proclaimed radical feminists, I'm sure at some point have come to the realization that male oppressive tactics are not isolated to one or just a few areas of the world, it's seen all over the world and is recognized in all kinds of species. Males have an inherent need to control, I think we can all agree on that. We see it everywhere. What benefit/s do women receive from pairing themselves with men? If we are wanting liberation from men, how are we supposed to do that when there are women who refuse to sleep with men? Can't even suggest a sex-strike during the threat of Roe v Wade being overturned without some women acting like we're trying to take away their rights. I have to ask, is it a right to sleep with the enemy? Why do you want that as a right? We should all want to seek freedom so we CAN cherish it, but how can you do that while having romantic relationships with the exact thing that takes freedom away from you? Is it "not all men", I wonder? I thought it was enough? Not enough men to completely separate from them, though?

For the second part, I mostly agree with OP. I think I need to know a little more context to be able to form my own opinion, but just from seeing what happened yesterday how quick an osa woman was to call lesbians misogynists and accuse them of blaming her for her abuse because we said feminism shouldn't be about hating men it's about loving women, and i dared to ask the question if you hate men so much and have these experiences why continue to seek companionship with them, not blaming them for their past experiences but asking why CONTINUE, i'm a misogynist for somehow assuming osa women don't deserve companionship (which isn't at all what I said.) anyway i don't want to get too off topic, but I do see that these women with these victim complexes are very quick to lash out/perpetuate misogyny when their own decisions are questioned. I just feel like at some point you have to realize there isn't going to be "the one good man" and should start to focus your feminism on PLATONIC companionship with women. (have to clarify or i'll get accused of spouting poliles rhetoric)

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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Why did someone say mlp posted yesterday when she didnt? Yes she has that tendency, she leaves and as soon as he posts or another girl comments she re-appears but this time i didn’t see her anywhere. Her fan accounts are back which means she will be too, its a pattern.

yeah idk what that anon meant. i don't really pay attention to her anymore but i didn't see her active when i checked. maybe they meant that she was liking posts by fans? no idea tho.

edit: she tweeted around the time he posted his pics lol

#ask #personal

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izloveshorses · 7 years

Text

Here's everything I love about the Anastasia Musical (Part One)

So!! I've finally collected my thoughts and was able to list out everything I love about this musical (this was supposed to be limited to like 5 songs but I couldn't pick just a handful bc they're ALL SO GOOD). Keep in mind, I haven't seen it live yet, just listened to the album and watched that First Look preview hundreds of times. Pleeease don't mention any spoilers or anything bc I really wanna go see it for myself some day! Warning: long post lol

The first few notes of Prologue: Once Upon a December gave me chills omg

I love how they really touched on just how much Communism affected everybody. Life was pretty crappy for everyone and it's important that it's discussed. Like, the exchange between Anya and Gleb ("I can't lose this job...") really highlights to me that they were all hungry, desperate for work, etc. and it not many people had any hopes for a better future...

"The skies are grey, the walls have ears and he who argues disappears!"

"We're good and loyal comrades and our favorite color's red!"

"Two cans of beans, comrade?" "... doNE"

The collective "SHHH!!"

DONT!! GET ME STARTED!! ON IN MY DREAMS!!!

Christy's voiCE I CANT

When I was first listening to this I was like "ohhh boy... I'm already crying on the 3rd song.... this is gonna be an emotional ride"

"Call the child anYA"

"Is it Pariiiiis? Paris..."

"And I HEAR A VOICE WHISPER 'I'LL MEET YOU RIGHT THERE' IN PARIIIIIIIS. Paris..."

"You don't know what it's like not to know who you are"

"But I still have this faith in the truth of my dreammmms"

"AND MYYY DREEAMS. SEEEEM TO SAAAAY. DONT BE AFRAID TO GO ON. DONT GIVE UP HOPE COME WHAT MAYYYYY"

"I know it all will come baaaaack ONE DAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!"

Anya/Christyyyyy you're breaking my heart stop it just started

Honestly the whole song is beautiful

All of Learn to Do It is great too bc wow that's a mood changer from the last song lol

"How do you become the person you've forgotten you ever were?"

"Am I floating?" "Like a sinking boat"

"I never cared for stroganoff!"

"I don't like being contradicted." "That makes two of us!"

"I've hAD it!! And I hATE YOU BOTH!"... "Don't forGET I don't remember anything! Get OUT and let me be!"

She takes a big breath before she lists everything she learned lol

Ramin's so talented what the heck

"I heard the shots.... I heard the screams... but it's the silence after I remember most."

"A revolution is a siiiimple thiiiiiiiiiing" my guy, my dude, my man,, no.... that is false,,,

DEREK'S VOICE!!!!! MY PETERSBURG IS ICONIC

"Funny when a city is all you know, how even when you hate it something in you loves it sooooo!!"

"There's a boy, growing up, all I've been, all I'll be..."

"Funny how a BOY CAN GROOOOWWWW! Funny how a city tells you when it's time to goooo!"

"But tonight, there's a sky and quite a viewww... welcome tooooooooooo..... My PetersBUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!!!"

I know that Once Upon a December is exactly the same as the movie but Christy's voice is so gorgeous so I need to talk about it

"Accross my meeemoryyyyyyyy...."

THE ENSEMBLE!!!! HOLY CRAP!! THEIR HARMONIZING IS SO HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL IT LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE GHOSTS DANCING WOW IT GIVES ME CHILLS

The piano rising in a crescendo

"FAARRRR AWAY! LOOONG AGOOOO! GLOWING DIM AS AN EMBER!"

Christy's voice at the end my lord

The whole orchestra in this song is amazing

OKAY SO. STAY, I PRAY YOU. IS VERY UNDERRATED. LIKE. WHEN I FIRST LISTENED TO IT I WAS JUST SITTING ON MY COUCH WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY CHEEKS AND WAS LIKE "why.... am I crying... about crossing the russian border.... when I'm not even Russian.... what the heck...."

And!!! It emphasizes the fact that this is communist Russia. You don't leave!!

Constantine's voice here is so haunting and The strings are lovelyyyyyy

This is like that one song from Sound of Music when they cross the mountains lol

THE ENSEMBLE AGAIN....

Christy's and Derek's harmonizing is b e a u t i f u l

"How to go wheRE IIIIII HAve never gone befoooorrre..."

"Let me have a moment, let me say goodbyyyyyye...."

My absolute favorite part is how it slowly fades from the entire cast singing and repeating "iiiii'lll bless my homeland...." to just the trio, to dmitry and Anya, and finally until it's just Anya left.... "iiii'lll bless my homeland... tillllll I diiiiieeee..." It's so chillingly beautiful I'm never gonna get used to that

We'll Go From There is so pure and happy!

"Some women say I look distinguished this way"

"Meet the royal. Mess!"

"Why did I say? yes?"

Again, Derek and Christy's harmonizing is amazing how--

"Getagripandtakeadeepbreath and soon we'll know what's what"

"Oh what a lovely ride! And what a lovely dayyyyy! For a totally illegal geeeeetawayyyyy!"

"From theeeeeEEeeeeeeEEeeeeerrreeeee! We'll go from there!!" Bum

Ramin is baaaack with more angst and beautiful vocals in Still!

"A son becomes a man! At his faaaaather's knee..."

"--to FULLFIIIIILLLLLLLLL"

"But then you see her eyes, and something in them tells you that she ABSOLUTELY LIES"

I KNOW THEY DIDNT CHANGE ANYTHING FROM JOURNEY TO THE PAST BUT IT MUST BE DISCUSSED

It's so empowering I'm PUMPED like every time I hear it I have to get up and run around like I'm the one performing or making a music video

"Peo.ple always say, Life is full of choices, but no one ever mentions. fear..."

"Home. Love. Faaaamily. There was once a time I must have had them tooooo... Hoooooome, loooooove, faaaamily! I will never be complete until I find youuuuuu!" (Brb crying)

THE ENTIRE LAST STANZA. EXCUSE ME WHILE I KEEP SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Christy's voice in "THINGS MY HEART STILL NEEDS TO KNOOOOOW!"

"YES!!! LET THIS BE A SIIIIIGN!! LET THIS ROOOAD BE MINE!! LET IT LEEEAD ME TO MY PAAAAAAAAAAAST!!! AAAND BRING ME HOOOOME!! aaaaAAAAAT LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!!!!!"

AKFKFINGSG SF,F SHES SO TALENTED THAT LAST NOTE OMG

I'm always out of breath when this song is over lol

Paris Holds the Key always pumps me up omg

"Everything is is avant-garde, or chic!"

Dmitry's part tho...

"There's hope in the aaaair!"

The one and only thing I'm kinda bummed about is that they didn't include that one part from the original where everyone is singing in the final chorus and then it's just dmitry singing "toooo... Herrrr...." and then the ensemble finishes it off. Idk it's so heartbreaking but that's probably my favorite part from the original song and I'm kinda sad they cut that bit (but it's ok bc DEREK)

Crossing A Bridge is VERY underrated too omg

The orchestral part is beautiful and again CHRISTY'S VOICE

"Halfway between where I've been, and where I'm goiiing..."

"Me on the left bank, you on the riiiight!" And then Her voice at "every light is like a promise.."

I love how the middle it's kinda loud and emotional but it ends really soft and quiet

Watching Christy's "Royal Misfits" vlog made me love Mary Beth Peil bc she kinda reminds me of my Nanna, so Close the Door broke my heart a little

I love the mood of Land of Yesterday bc they're complaining that they're no longer rich lol and Lily's like "well we're not dead now!" And my favorite: "RUSSIAAAAAA!!!"

IN A CROWD!!! OF THOUSANDS!!!! I SOB EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO IT. The chemistry btwn Christy and Derek is magical (I mean I haven't seen them but) I can hear them smiling and their harmonizing is just... good lord. And the tension is so real

"You're making me feel I was there too." "Maybe you were, make it part of your story"

I love that you can hear the shift in Christy's voice from playful and humorous to a dawning, frightening realization ("and I tried not to smile, but I smiiiiled... and then... heeeee bowwwwed...!!!!!" "Um, I didn't tell you that" "You didn't have to!! I remember!!!!" And then a heavy pause)

"With the sun in my eyes you were gone... but I knew, even then, in a crowd of thousands... I'll find you... aaaagaaaaain....." AIGFHGKVNID THEY FOUND EACH OTHER EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY

"Your highness..." !???!???? WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY HEART

Meant to Be is beautiful (especially the orchestra) but I'm gonna skip to QUARTET AT THE BALLET. BC HONESTLY ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. The striiiings....

"My past and my future so neeeeear..." and then Dmitry breaking my heart again with "next to me this frightened girl, holding tight as the dancers whirl"

The whole part where Dmitry and Gleb are singing together omgggg "ITS FATE!! THAT BROUGHT US HEEEEERE"

And don't! Get me started on the part where they're all singing together it's so intENSE it's honestly one of my favorite parts from the whole musical. And!! DMITRY'S PART OMG HE REPRISES JOURNEY TO THE PAST "hooome, looove, faaaamily.... she will have all of it!! I will help her..." AKFJOND HE KEEPS BREAKING MY HEART HE LOVES HER SO MUCH #OTP

"Find a wayyyyy.... ANASAAAAAAASIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Again Dmitry just loves her... Everything to Win messes with my heart. "I didn't know, she mattered to meee... but now I can see, she doooeees..." (and later Anya says the same thing omg what kind of romantic crap is this, "conman and princess get their wish and fairytales come truuuue!" *clenches fist*) and "with everything to win, the only thing I lose... is youuuuuu..." :(

I love how Gleb interrupts Anya's pining for dramaaaaaaa. "If you really are Anastasia do you think history wants you to have lived??" "YES, why don't you!?"

"All but one. Finish it, I am my father's daughter." "AND I AM MY FATHER'S SON!" ( I can actually hear Anya standing with her chin held high staring at him straight in the eyes, a challenge, a dare) and a gun clicks and omg my heart started racing

"Look at their faces in mine, hear their screams, see their BLOOD." ... "Do it! Do it and I will be with my parents and my brothers and sisters in that cellar in Yekaterinburg all over again!!" GOOD LORD ITS SO INTENSE

"WE HAVE A PAST TO BURYYY AAAANYAAAAAAAA!!!!"... "A reVOLUTION IS A SIMPLE THING!!"

The ending is absolutely perfect... "she was a dream. A beautiful dream." And then "the case is closed. But still...." and the ENSEMBLE COMES BACK. They didn't have to go so hard, man

#anastasia #Anastasia broadway #Anastasia musical #christy altomare #derek klena #ramin karimloo #I couldn't pick favorites bc they're all so beautifullllll #long post #feel free to ignore #this is more for myself #but if you wanna share anything I missed feel free!#personal

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ilkkijangege · 5 years

Text

123

Chad Chronicles is on hold while we work from home.

I'll keep updating this post if anything does happen to us.

Basically, I was telling Jacqui how J*ck told me I should join Tinder, use it during work to find out of he is there and if we would match. But Jacqui was like "what if you don't see him there but his friends see you??" So I was like "Then good na he's not on it 😂 as if he's ever talked about me to his friends 😂"

Then, nearly an hour later, I looked at my "Friends You May Know" on FB (there's a rumor that that is a list of people who's viewed your profile) then I saw that one of his friends are on it!!! I was shook, if the algorithm theory is right, then his friend was stalking me which means he has talked about me to his friends. LOL AYAN NANAMAN OVERTHINKING BES EH 😂

Then Jacqui told me how she asked her bf: if you offer a lift to a girl, does that mean he's interested? Her bf said yes but I shouldn't overthink and wait for another big sign.

Anyways, my Mandalorian plan is still going ahead. 😂

20/3/2020

Well, we didn't really talk online, he welcomed one of the guy on our team because he just got his access sorted today but I did not get the same treatment yesterday 😭

It's G tho 😂 Seems like he really is super smart because I looked into one of his chats and he used the word "futile". I'm just....wow big word 😂

Lol anyways, we're out for the weekend, Disney+ comes out on Tuesday, will try to binge it as soon I can so I can message him by Thursday or something 😂 really hope our conversation can flow naturally. Like I will just say "oh I've finished it and I am now obsessed with Baby Yoda or I can see why you are obsessed with Baby Yoda, he is adorable!" Then hopefully he can be like "What did you think of it?" Etc etc and we live happily ever after. CHOS.

21/03/2020

Swear everyone is telling me to either text him or to keep my feet on the ground and let the connection grow.

I REALLY DO NOT KNOW. He keeps doing all these things to me and I am always overthinking it. My friends have told me not to but it is sooo hard. They told me to wait for other signs.

I really want to take a risk and tell him but I really do not want to ruin our new found friendship. I mean I really hope he's just waiting to make more signs because he doesn't think it's time yet or something but I just don't want to give give give and not have anything in return. Haaaay Lord, please help me!

22/03/2020

This morning, I told my mom about the fact that he drove me home. At first, I couldn't tell her immediately, I was just staring at her the whole time and she asked "Anong kailangan mo sakin?" I said "nothing." "Bakit naka tingin ka sakin?" Then finally, I said, "Wala lang, may update lang ako sayo." Then she was like "ano may date ka???" I replied, "No update!!! Hinatid nya ako kila tita nung last time kaming pumasok.." and she was just like "ayie, hinahatid ka na ha." Then she told me, "yan dapat, cool ka lang. Pero tapusin mo muna.." She didn't complete her sentence but I knew she was talking about my FE1s but then she was probably thinking that I am nearly 25 and she should let me be. Hahaha. Then she asks "nag offer ba xa?" Sabi ko oo 😂

Then she asks me if he texts me and I told her no, we only talk in work. Then she replied, "ganun talaga" 😂 hay mother, if she had asked more details, I would have told her how I am getting mixed signals from him kaya di ko tlga sure kung gusto nya din ako 😂 but she didn't, so let's leave that for another time. 😂

Lord, pleaseee I trust you. If he doesn't reach out to me, ako na tlga mag rereach out. Need to binge The Mandalorian asap.

23/03

He keeps reading my messages on our GC immediately but does not with other people

ANO BA GUSTO MO PARAMDAM KA NAMAN PLS

Happened again at 16;09 ANO BA HUHU

24/03

STOP SEEN ZONING MY MESSAGES AS SOON AS I POST THEM AND START TALKING TO ME

25/03

No sign of Chad life anywhere, he was pretty much quiet today, not reading/replying to messages etc

26/03

I FINISHED THE MANDALORIAN YOU GUYS.

I took a risk and messaged him. It took me a whileeeeee but I just took the plunge.

Basically, I asked him how he was and how working from home has been coming along. It took him like 6 mins to reply, which was fine, we were in work so understandable.

He told me he is relaxed but about to get boring. He asked me ‘how about you?’ So I sent him this quite long response how I’ve been relaxed working in my jammies and binged watch Mandalorian, bummed about 2 eps so illegally streamed the rest. Told him that I am now also obsessed with Baby Yoda (he laughed react to this). Then he said how it was dumb for Disney not to release everything at once. (Was upset he didnt ask me what I thought of the show)

Then I told him if Netflix can do it, so can they. But he said people would just sign up for trial, watch it then cancel. Thennnn he asked if I liked it. I said yes except for Ch.6′s characters. He said he thinks you were not meant to like them.

Then I asked him if he thinks Fennec Shand is still alive. He was like which one was HE again? So I told him correction she* (laugh emoji) then explained her character. He was like ‘Oh yeaaahhh. Then boba fett was supposedly the one who found her” I replied ‘yup that’s the theory but I feel like she was pretty much lifeless already and maybe just a teaser for boba fett then?'

Then nearly 3 hours later, I go check our workplace chat and he seenzoned me. Okur. He read the message at 20.27. He better reply tomorrow or I’ll take it a sign that he really just isn’t interested in me.

On a side note, he went on lunch at 6pm, came back at around 7ish but didn't change his Status xD it's either he forgot or na distract na sya sakin CHOS sige laaaangg.

I swear I hope we can talk more tho. Since he seenzoned me, I will not message him again cos I don't want to look eager/desperate so yeah. Byeeeeee.

30/03

STOP READING MY MESSAGES, dear heart and head, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.

I know you get notifications that "Bianca messaged..." Does your heart flutter when my name appears? STOP OVERTHINKING BIANCA.

Ayan nnmn tayo sa seenzone eh 14:55. Ano ba?

1/04/20

I had a dream that he messaged me. He asked me how I was and for some reason, he told me to go to Google Music because they were having a sale and that I should make a track for him. (Like what?)

Also dreamt that he took me home again. When we got to our house, he told me we needed to talk. I think he confessed.

Ay ayoko na.

5/4/20

Why do I keep dreaming about him? I dreamt that he messaged me on FB, really long paragraphs of him confessing his feelings.

Urgh.

Oh and I also paid for a tarot reading of how he really sees me. I mean idk if it's real but there are feelings there but there may be a third party but the reader could not 100% confirm it. It is highly probable, he's a single man who could totally date around. The reading also mention how he finds me attractive and sees a long term energy with me. It also says how he may not be ready for a serious romantic relationship but he can see it progressing down the line. But honestly, I do not see him as someone who longs for sex, yknow? I am nearly sure that he could still be a virgin but the fact that he frequented Krystle in college, makes me question it. I mean, he is a white male, it is something I am not super pressed about.

I've just been thinking, if I were to get with a Filipino guy, is there anyone out there who has never had a girlfriend or who has even dated anyone?

Chad really gives me the vibe of never having a girlfriend before but I really see him as not looking for anything at the moment to focus on his dream job.

6/4/20

Okay, why did I have a dream that he proposed to me??

I think we argued over something and then a few days later, he proposed. Wtf.

From what I remember, he only proposed in his car. lol

8/4/20

So we had a team call today. He has not been working since like Thursday last week because he could not get his VPN to work.

But dang. I heard his voice after 3 weeks. He sounds the same as in real life but his American accent is more prominent 😂

Then our TL said we might still be working from home for the next 3-4 months and I'm just like. HUHUHU.

Will I be over you by then?

10/04/20

Had a dream we were back in the office and we were having banters again like nothing has changed.

I think he also messaged me on Facebook one of these isolation days...

I swear I know it was probably unintentional for him to ghost me like that.

11/04/20

So I've been searching his Gamer tag on Google, even before I decided to let go of him and there is this one file I keep noticing, it is League of Legends and it seems his password is Yugioh246 😂 it is actually hilarious 😂 I didn't know he is that big of a nerd. I don't see it as a bad thing because I like nerds and I am drawn to them but I hope he is not an incel because that is a major turn off.

Yes, I am not wishing for us to be together anymore but I really hope he finds the woman of his dreams. He deserves to have someone who will understand him for who he is.

13/04/20

Another thing, how do I listen to songs without thinking of him?? It is getting frustrating. I used to listen to these songs without thinking of him and now all I do is associate these songs to him. Nakakainis.

14/04/20

Why do you keep reading my messages then stop reading others' after mine??

18/04/20

Argh why did I dream of him again?

We were back in the office daw and I sat in a different computer because I was avoiding him as in. For some reason, the coat rack was behind him so when it was home time, I grabbed my coat as fast as I could so he would not talk to me. He was slouched in his seat and looked really tired. His hair was long like mid length sufer dude hair, he was not wearing his hat. But then he saw me and called me and said "Bianca, I'll give you a ride home." I replied, gaga naman ate nyo, "If it's not raining, I can walk but if it is, I'll take the bus." He replied, "What time is your bus?" I replied, "In an hour." He replied, "Okay, if it's raining, I'll wait for you here, let me know." Then I grabbed my stuff from my locker, I went out the office and it was raining. I went back into the office and told him that it was raining. So he got up from his seat and we walked to his car. On the way, I noticed he looked really tired and his eyes were red so I asked him, "Did you not sleep?" His reply was: "Yeah I came to work with no sleep." So we just walked to his car and he opened the door for me. He even adjusted my seat.

Then for some weird reason, we ended up in Dolphins Barn, like the flats and around Tesco. Then there were billboards for Book of Mormons and he saw it he said or read "What about the Mormons?" Then I was confused at first so he pointed at the ads for the Book of Mormons. Then I told him: "Oh I really wanna see that! I heard it's meant to be one of the best Broadway shows." He then tells me he is not a big play fan but there is something he likes. I asked him but he saw another Book of Mormons billboard and pointed to it. Then we reached Reilly's Ave and idk why but my whole family and our old neighbors were all outside. Bsta ang weird talaga na he dropped me off in our old house. Dreams are weird.

So I just thanked him and watched him leave.

Aish why did I dream of you again???

20/4/20

Had another dream about him. Just why oh why? What are these dreams trying to tell me? I haven't been thinking about him seriously so idk.

Basically in this dream, we were all back in the office. So we got a few newbies who joined our team. And management/TL thought it was a good idea to blend the newbies with the senior agents so there was a complete seat change again. Chad and the guy beside him moved to my old area, as in Chad moved to my old seat. While I was stayed in my current seat. Of course I felt sad that I won't be able to see him face to face as often anymore and that I felt like our friendship will drift apart again.

Basta ano baaa I don't understand this. Do I still have feelings for him deep down?

Oh and he read my message on the group chat again. 10:18am. I mean ok he's been active on the UKI chat today so here's me overthinking again.

23/04/20

Another day, another Chad dream.

So in this dream, I was in Tesco with my mom or Aldi, anyways a supermarket.

I wanted to make Tacos so I was at the spice aisle, looking for a taco spice mix. Then out of nowhere, he pops up and sees me. Says hello and asked how I was etc, while I was grabbing the taco spice mix.

Then I told him goodbye but I still kept seeing him everywhere in the store even though I purposely was avoiding him.

WHY DO I KEEP DREAMING OF HIM.

It is honestly annoying. 😭

I just wanna move on.

27/04/20

Been a while since my last dream but I dreamt that he drove me home, yet again, but I only remember the part where we entered Cherrywood and then I just got out of the car and don't even remember saying thanks. I stood at the front door, until he left.

28/04/20

Arghhh he read my messages again on the office chat almost instantly at 2.37pm 😩😩😩😩 Whereas our own team's chat has been active all day, yet he has not read the messages on there since yesterday morning!!

Were you expecting that I messaged you or something??? CMON IF YOU WANNA TALK TO ME JUST MESSAGE ME. I already messaged you first, it's your turn.

Ugh I hate overthinking this!!

Also, 26th of April marked the 1st month since we last talked. Hmmmm have I fully moved on? I really don't think I have but I am just trying to live my life. Why must you be an introvert Chad, we'll be waiting for each other forever.

6/05/20

Hmmmm... Beginning to think he actually has 3 siblings contrary to the fact that I thought he said there are 3 of them in the family, him being the eldest, followed by his sister then his younger brother.

If it is his brother that I saw on FB then it makes sense now because remember when he gave out chocolates for Christmas? I heard him say "my brother's work had them on sale" or something along the lines. And the other brother I was aware of was only a kid. This person I saw matches the bill, from Chicago and went to the same secondary school as him. (AND LOOKS LIKE HIM!!! We may be the same age or a year younger because he graduated secondary school in 2014) [yup he is older than me by 6 months and just like his older brother, he is also very much into Star Wars and video games. But he seems more social than his bro. Haha xa na lang date ko 😂 Chad 2.0 chosss Chad introduce me to your bro para di tayo awkward sa work 😂 They are actually only 10 months apart, I wonder if they are close.]

Hmmmmm why am I such a stalker 😂

(7.6 update: nah saw his bro's IG and he seems like a fckboi, his DP is a mirror selfie of him shirtless, showing off his v line abs 😂)

13/05/20

It's been a while. As of yesterday, he is fully back to work. We had a team meeting on Monday and he was on it. He said they gave him a laptop to work on. I had myself on mute so I was just listening to him. Yes I wanted to join in on the convo but I needed to stop myself. I need to distance myself until I fully move on from him.

Anyways, today, a case was assigned to me at around 8.30 in the morning. I didn't action it because the office was going mad with chats so I said I was gonna action it when I had a chance later on.

Then I noticed that it disappeared from my queue. I went to my closed cases and I saw that he had actioned it. I mean, I am not saying that he did it on his own free will, our TL may have asked him to go through our team's response received internal queue. Which is aight but this case was not originally mine, but one of his office broskis, na mean? So it's either he did not read the email thread at all or he just decided to close it in MY name. I mean he had to type my name and I wonder if he felt something. CHOSSSSSS 😂

But I'm telling you guys, ever since he got access again, my heart started fluttering again just like when I was still crushing on him, before I moved in front of him and he started giving me all these attention that made me fall in love with him.

I have been trying to move on. I even wrote a 7 page journal entry about my feelings. I've been super distracting myself by watching Kim Possible and staying away from sappy romantic shows 😂

I need more time to heal but it will be okay!

Update 14/5:

I got another case from the same broski, which he actioned yesterday and closed it under his broski's name but he closed the other one on mine.

Ugh why am I overthinking this again!!!

Chad please go away from my feelings 😩

15/5

Today, I helped him out with one of his cases.

He said 'thanks!' whereas the past few days, he's only been replying to people on our team with 'ty!'.

Made me overthink again but I was just being ridiculous 😂 'ty' tapos today sakin 'thanks', special ako chos 😂 honestly wasn't that bothered but okay! Stop giving me special treatment please 😂 don't treat me differently from others if you don't feel the same way because it's unhealthy for me 😂

Helped him again with another one and he said 'thanks!' again urgh. Swear tho, I was hesitating a bit when I was helping him. My heart was thumping again like it did before we started getting comfortable with each other 😭😭😭

17/5/20

Exactly 2 months since I saw him and when he dropped me home.

Oh Chad. Will I ever be over you.

18/5/20

Helped him with another case because no one was helping him so I was just being nice.

Bianca don't be marupok pls. You've been making progress. Don't relapse now.

20/5/20

Another day of helping him out....

Basically he asked our group chat for help, no one replied for like 5 minutes so I said I'll help him.

Then he private messaged me about the case. He told me there were a lot and said "ahah". I should have joked around but I didn't or even asked him how he was 😭

But after I helped him, this was his reply:

Huhuhu parang ang happy nya na may tumulong sa kanya. Chad naman, don't do this to me! I am trying to move on 😭

21/05/20

Haaaayy... Reading my messages again as soon as I post them. Chad Chad Chad ....

26/05/20

He legit have not read messages on our office GC since 10.30 this morning. I messaged a few times around 3pm and he kept reading them. Ano ba kasi Chad.

Don't be scared of rejection, I know I may not be showing real signs but I am an awkward turtle, just talk to me.

27/05/20

As usual no one was helping him again so I private messaged him and asked if anyone was helping yet.

His response:

Hahaha cute 😂 so I told him 'give me the deets, I'll send it up'.

He said 'ty!!', gave me the deets.

Then when I completed it, this was his reply:

Hahaha naloka na xa, double a. Choss. I replied with "anytime 😊" 😂 para konti landi to let him know na I am here to help anytime HAHAHAHAHAHAHA chos

BAKIT HIRAP MAG MOVE ON MGA BESH

5/6/20

So I've been hesitating about posting this but about 2 days ago? I had a dream about him again. It wasn't just him in it but the dream mostly centered about him and I.

Basically, we there was a party in the office and for some reason, I was getting ready at my desk as in curling my hair (so weird 😂😂😂).

Then Chad decided to go out of the computer area, probs was on a break or something. Then my team decided it was a good idea to hide his baby yoda plushie so I hid it in my locker and when he came back, he kept looking for it and we were just laughing at him. 😂

That was it haha.

But you guys, I've been diligently praying for my vocation and I've been getting signs about marriage etc. What if he's the one? God, please give me more signs.

15/06/20

So it's been a while. I've been helping him here and there over the last few weeks.

Today's response was "awesome, thanks!"

And that made me kilig inside. 😂

I am awesome, chos! 😂

16/06/20

Just saw the July Schedule and he is taking 2 weeks holidays 😂

Lol fam watchu gonna do? 😂

Tara let's go on a date chos 😂

24/06/20

I miss him ☹️ But I've been good with not thinking about him a lot but I just really can't wait to be able to ask him out in person hahaayyyy

Hmmmm I also suddenly wondered if he still has the card I gave him for Christmas. That was a cute card, €4 din un ha hahaha

3/07/20

Yo wassup.

I had a dream, so we were back in the office. We were on the weekend shift and for some reason, I decided I was staying back for a bit more so he left before me.

Basically, from this dream, it seems that we were on minimal speaking terms. So like as he was leaving, at the computer area door, he said bye to me and idk why, I asked him to have dessert with me on Monday 😂 it was weird 😂

12/07/20

Okur, I had a dream that he dropped me off again in Cherrywood, like just out of nowhere. Like all I remember was that we were walking to his car together.

He even opened my door and carried my bag and walked me to the front door. Haaayyy....

14/07/20

So today, I was overthinking again.

Basically there was a post in work where an SME asked him to tag his team. He tagged me first over his broskis and that made me quite overthink again. Like the way he tagged our team was not as if it was alphabetical order. So why did he tag me first?

Hahah ako ung unang pumasok sa isip nya

Huhuhu ayoko naaaaa

19/07/2020

So he is on his 2 weeks PTO from tomorrow.

Haaaaayyyyy miss ko na xa, bakit ba kasi ako ganito. Pero as long as he has not said that he is not interested in me, may chance pa rin tlga kami eh.

Wag lang tlaga xang umalis ng company and it will be grand.

08/08/20

Been a while since this was updated, nothing's been happening between us so there is nothing to report. But anyways, lately I've been having (r-rated) fantasies about him 😂 argh I just want to be with him 😂

He's also started playing Fall Guys on the PS4, we have something in common na chos 😂

Also, there's an SME position in work and I have a feeling he might apply huhu if he gets it, he'll be level 12 and I won't be able to date him 😭😂

Honestly still think may something sila ng QA namin huhuhu

16/08/20

So I told MF on the 14th of August about everything that has happened, like how I was getting mixed signals that made me overthink alot to me messaging him twice and being left on read, also how I plan on asking him out when we get to the office. (Also how he dropped me home.)

I told her how it's been very hard for me in the last 5 months, trying to move on from someone I don't even talk to. She was very understanding and told me that she also has not talked to Chad since WFH, as she was also left on read. She said he may not be the texty type because he's quite shy.

I was honestly shook. I thought they talk, even on our workplace chat because they are close in work. Cause I asked her if it was even a good idea for me to ask him out or if she knows if he's seeing someone because I don't want to intrude. I told her I want to take a risk with him but a part of me fears rejection.

She asked me if I ever thought about asking him out for coffee since things are opening up. I told her, yes but I don't think we are in that level where I could just ask him randomly.

So her plan is to build up a rapport with him again and find out the goss. I really hope she can build something up with him and that if ever, this time, there will be progress.

Until I know I have a chance with him, I can't move on. If he's seeing someone, then okay at least I'll know where I stand.

I'll let you know if there's progress.

19/08/2020

So today, I helped him out with a case.

One of the internal tools was not working for him so he asked for help. I was the first to reply so I told him to send me the details and I'll do it.

When I did it for him, he said 'Perfect thank you!' and I just replied, "No worries 😊" landi landi with that emoji 😂 Wish we kinda had a conversation going though 😭 Wish I asked him how he was but it wasn't appropriate okay 😂

Haaayy can't wait to find out if he's dating anyone or when I'll see him again so I can ask him out. HAAAAAYYYYSSSS.

9/9/20

So yesterday, I asked our group chat for help on a case. I didn't really expect that he would be the one to respond but he did and that was cute. Awww. ❤️

Looool I wish I could've thanked him personally but other people started helping me out so yeah. But for a brief moment, I was kilig haha

Really wanna ask him out already! But cases are rising again and I don't want him to use Covid as an excuse so I'll wait again until cases have slowed down.

13/09/20

So today, I had a video call with MF. She told me that she got a new job 😭 meaning, she won't be able to be my wingwoman now 😭

I am happy for her but this cuts down all my chances with Chad 😭

But she did talk to Chad and he applied to the SME role apparently, I think he may have already been interviewed but he didn't hear back from them yet.

MF also said that we should meet up for a coffee date "with Bianca" and he said we should hahaha cmon MF make this a reality please so I can talk to him 😭

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fixielixie · 7 years

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get to know me tag

okay so i was tagged by @seokjinandtonic to do this and even tho i have 3274362 more of these tags to do im gonna do this one first bc it takes the least amount of creativity to do and im also procrastinating an essay i need to write but shhh

Rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 Blogs

1. Nicknames: dont really have any, my names not the most ‘nicknameable’ sometimes people shorten it to sorch but that’s kinda boring

2. Gender: female

3. Star sign: libra

4. Height: 5′10′’/5′11′’ idk but im tall enough

5. Time: 7:38pm

6. Birthday: 22nd of October (literally yesterday lmao)

7. Favorite bands: one direction, mayday parade, paramore, you me at six, brand new, i said one direction so im also saying got7. jjproject bc they deserve to be here too. the 1975

8. Favorite solo artists: also one direction, but solo records this time. zayn, beyonce, james blake, leona lewis

9. Song stuck in my head: u got me by got7, but not the whole song, just the english rap jackson does at around the bridge and i honestly think im gonna go crazy he l p

10. Last movie I watched: a 1930s japanese film that i dont remember the name of but we had to watch it for a film and screen studies lecture

11. Last show I watched: rupaul’s drag race

12. When did I create my blog: this one? no idea. early this year, but i didn’t start using it properly until mid summer maybe

13. What do I post: ... i think this is the question on everyones mind lmaoo whatever comes to my head while im ‘’’’in the Moment’’’

14. Last thing googled: bible quotes... for the stupid fucking assignment i am procrastinating right now

15. Do you have other blogs: yes i have two active blogs, this one and my main blog

,16. Do you get asks: occasionally. when i do something particularly stupid and get called out on it... okay this happened once... and i didnt even do anything stupid... it was my first ask... im still salty over it

17. Why did you chose your url: i think you all know why ... jaebum is fucking bald

18. Following: honestly have no idea on this blog... it’s kinda awkward o follow people back on a sideblog r i p

19. Followers: 431 i think lol about 430 more than i ever thought i would get lol

20. Favorite colors: black

21. Average hours of sleep: i need ten hours or else i can literally not Function at all

22. Lucky number: 2 i dont really have one but if i did it would be π

23. Instruments: i can play wonderwall and through the dark by one direction on the guitar and you know what that counts

24. What am I wearing: a holey jumper and pajama pants

25. How many blankets I sleep with: one usually but during the winter two

26. Dream job: bro im double majoring in history and english... ive given up on employment all together

27. Dream trip: im leaving the country for the first time in over a decade in a few days... maybe to go to canada to see yasmin and got7 bc they aint ever coming here and then live in yasmins apartment free of charge without her consent for the rest of my life

28. Favorite food: the edible kind im a college student i have no standards

29. Nationality: irish/english or if we’re getting technical Anglo-Irish, but i am currently living in ireland

30. Favorite song right now: not to b a got7anotor or anything but to me is the best fucking song of this generation also flicker by niall horan

okay so im meant to tag 20 blogs but tbh i don’t think i have that many mutuals lmao and all my mutuals know each other as well so i feel like if i tag them they’ve probably already been tagged so im letting this one out to the public yo do it if u want and tag me in it if u do im v nosy

#this was highkey fun to do #if anyone cares here a lil info about me #i have to do an essay now tho #D:#h e l p #about me #ill come back later and add the read more thing im on mobile right nw and couldnt b bothered to figure out how

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 81

i keep talking to myself all the time - no not cause im mad or alone - but like i said earlier - i pretend like its ‘him’ and just him. meaning, no, im not those people who talk to themselves cause they enjoy doing it, or like um neither those who talk to themselves cause they dont have anyone else to talk to - but rather, -i-just-talk-to-him-

wow, no that was a nice way to put it out there. so much for defending myself lol

ok so im kinda energetic - as in -my mood is- i am not, physically energetic though. i mean i just spent the last hour and a half in bed scrolling through my phone until my phone shut off cause it ran out of charge and only then i dragged myself slowly to the washroom to pee which i shouldve done 60 minutes ago. so yeah - very lazy

speaking of time. WTH is going on with this world? i feel like the number of seconds in one minute is a subject to small rise and falls like the world currencies! I mean seriously, i swear nowadays “1 minute” = “EIGHTY seconds” No Kidding!!!! It all started from after fajr today!!!!!

yeah so after fajr today, at first i kind of blanked out - as in - that rush, impatience and i dont even know how to describe it - kinda feeling i was telling? about missing him and all that? like i need some action something to happen and wow this is such an off season - so yeah i was kind of stuck in my chair,, just switching from one social media to another doing nothing literally other than idk - trying to fast forward life and hit play somewhere cool ugh ok

so then something happened and it cheered me up and i got on the treadmill as was planned. usually do 3 hours but i knew doing 3 now, including my tiny 3-5 min breaks every 30 mins would take too long

anyways ended up doing two hours at around 7 30 and then was too tired to take a shower so i just pulled a bed sheet from my closet and slept on the floor, cause no way im putting my stinky body to bed.

when i got up, prayed zuhr and YESSS i did the one hour i skipped in the morning and yeah well thats pretty much it for the day. i mean then i sat and ate and then went to the hosp came back, chilled and still chilling right now as im typing :)

oh something i said yesterday about how i wish life was full of action like in movies. like i just wish it was although i know its BS thats totally against how this life works. whats more surprising is how i actually wish for stupid stuff - i mean you know how on social media - one gets to present themselves the way they want. i mean you can be anything. happy sad widow married depressed gay - its like - its in your hands - how do you want to present yourself to the world mam? yeah you get my point? but like i lot of people fall for it. you look into others posts and you might wonder how their life is so wonderful and yours is not, how someones life is picture perfect and yours is not and BLABLABLA but Lol - i neverrrrr fell for that. pretty much cause i sugar coat my life too loool

Its actually funny - im actually laughing - anyways where im getting at with this is - i was thinking about it - i mean for someone like me who never fell for all the crap people put up on display on social media - i sure am one hell of a dreamer to ‘wish’ for a busy ‘movie-like’ all colorful life. But then again in my defense - those are real people and people are full of crap so yeah i dont fall for their shit but i mean a movie is a well organised script being played out - ofcourse you ‘wishing’ for something like it is acceptable yasss (whatever makes you sleep at night:3 )

Also i assure you my vocabulary aint that poor, i just seem to lose my words when im posting anything here. mostly cause i have no words - everything is so messy and twisty and complicated Ugh

Also its really weird that i feel like a days just passed by too fast this week. i mean i mustve slipped. i mean im like a human clock. lol i mean it. i mean when im not on vacation - and you ask me the time, anytime - my guesses are so close to accurate - like im aware of every second ticking by - now, im just saying im aware of it - that doesnt really mean i make the most out of time - but then i do know how precious it is, and i do feel like crap when im just shitting it away. and just randomly wasting time is one thing, but trust me when you are aware youre doing shit - ouch that burns!

so august is coming, and i was kind of planning on fasting - i mean i didnt fast in july cause i wanted to get used to working out and fasting would just be disturbing. but yeah now its almost august and i think i should fast - for like the whole month - yeah :) cause i barely fasted for i think 8 days this Ramadan i need to make all the rest of it up. AND THEN AFTER THAT, it is sunnah but not one im actually brave enough to do to be honest but but but i think i have no choice - i mean i think i have to fast like every monday or thursday every week - cause i have a lot and a lot of fasting to do to make up for ALLLLL the ones i missed my entire life and trust me thats quite a lot - not the normal amount any girl would miss - cause ive been having problems and so i had to skip a lot and stuff - and i never kept an exact count - well actually its impossible cause its been a problem for years but then i do have to admit that i never tried either - cause idk- i guess i kind of took it as - oh cmon its just fasting - i mean i think i missed around 20 roughly - so ill just fast 30 - thatll cover it up plus ill fast extra - which is a good thing and blabla all that random thoughts!

anyways i should now just focus on the 30 i wna fast for this year, in august but idk i have to come up with some legit plan where my work out schedule fits in perfectly too. both are important to me, and im not choosing one over the other, i dont want to and i dont have to inshaAllah

oh just a random thing - but i go for brands! Meaning, you know if something is sold by a really well known brand youd obviously expect it to have good quality and most of the time yes youre right. sometimes, nope! but then there are things which are not “branded” but the quality is amazing, and the price? well most of the time it is cheaper, but yeah i guess sometimes the price is almost similar - well the thing is - i am the type of person - whod want the brand name on PLUS the quality. like if there were 2 bags for example or two shoes, SAME quality, but one is cheaper ONLY cause it does not have a famous brand name on it - i am definitely the person whod pay wayyyy wayyy more for the branded one! - SO now you know the type of person i am :) :) :) :)

Lol im sure that kind of information is something a lot of people would use to judge someone :3 But then im not all so irrational loool - like thats definitely something that is “goals” for me! I mean, i am a medical student being financially supported by my dad right now and will be for atleast the next 3 years. ATLEAST! ATLEAST! ATLEAST!

SO yeah im not saying i cant afford branded products right now but i sure am not comfortable living a life of luxury at this phase of my life. I want to earn it. With my own sweat and energy. I want to tell myself that i deserve it. So yeah, thats the type of person i am but im not currently ‘practicing’ it like religion and one day IF i do, i know it will be something i earned and something Allah will not be unhappy with, because I am not planning to disappoint Him

Okay enough with that. i really dont need to talk about it as long as i know ill be alright inshaAllah

Oh something really interesting - so i REALLY REALLY need to smile. like NOT “smile more” but like “SMILE” for gods sake hahhaha. I mean idk - its like i hate people so much and idk i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me, and its not like i even care or want them to like me and thats exactly why im like all -pokerface-pokerface- but like cmooooon! if youre really talking to someone, something as simple as a short interaction in the hospital for example with the receptionist or pharmacist - i mean cmoon - just smile a little? i mean i REALLY need to work on it. cause if i am planning on being a doctor - OH PLEASE - smiling is part of the job OH WAKE UP LADYYY!!!!!!!

but like im not kidding - like i just said - i feel like everyone for some reason is turning against me or doesnt like me. and ofcourse its not true, i mean MOST people dont even know me. like in the hospital i went to today for example - whyd everyone hate me? :) i mean idk its just something i feel. its weird. but sheeeeeet. have to work on it. fake a smile honey :)

Okay and idk how wrong or right it is. but i thought of it and i dont feel like there is any harm to it. Like, id like to have the idea in my head that me and him, we love each other and we are meant to be together one day. inshaAllah. For which i always and always pray to Him and ask from Him. But as of right now, we are not together. but deep deep deeeeep deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeeeeeeep and deeeeeeeeeeep’errr in my heart i keep telling myself that. We are.

now idk if its wrong, or right - but - i believe it is not making me do something which might anger my Lord. All what it does is calm my heart. a little. And so i guess its okay! At least for now, i cant let go of the idea. Not today <3 Tada, guess thats enough for today!

xox

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xconfidante · 7 years

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Happy dreams make me more sad :(

Fuck la. I hate happy dreams. It felt so real :( no weird elements that doesn’t make sense. No nothing. Just me, living my life happily. Why did it happened :( i was sooo happy in my life. I miss him. It doesnt even make sense why he appeared. I didnt stalk him yesterday. I didnt even teringat dia pun. I just stalked some random guy. A friend of my friend. But then he suddenly appeared. Out of nowhere😞

Okay here it goes. This happened in Johor. I was planning to meet Ad. I dont even know why??? But i planned to just lepak with her. Ad dah masuk uthm time tu. Okay. Dah sampai destination. Tetibe dia muncul. Out of nowhere. Terkejut tbh. Sebab tak pernah jumpa dia pun.... aku pun setuju jela nak jumpa dia. Yelah dah alang alang terserempak. Tapi dalam tu we were kinda like an item. There was something going on. Macam dah lama contact dah. Tapi cuma tak meet up lagi je.

Pusing kat satu mall. Idk mall apa. But in the dream it was the “other” mall. Macam ada dua mall kt tempat tu tapi i dont like crowds so i prefer the other mall.

We walked happily. By we, i meant including ad. Sian dia jadi orang ketiga lol. Nape aku bodoh sangat ni??????? He was such a laidback person. Just like the way he was before i left him.... baik. Mudah terhibur. Memahami. He laughed at my jokes. He made jokes. We were just happy. As if we’ve contacted for a long long time. Macam dah plan nak jumpa..........

Tapi dalam mimpi tu aku takut. Takut nak getback dengan dia. Takut dia tak respect the way other guys tak respect aku. Yela sebab banyak kali jugak nampak dia post ig dgn gf dia pegang tangan (irl). So takut lah dia buat benda sama... lagipun baru break time tu. Ha ni lagi satu reason why it felt so real... memang irl baru break. Fobia lagi nak in relationship. Sebab takut laki sentuh. Dalam mimpi pun sama.....

Dah la. Lets stop writing this. Its just sooooo depressing remembering how happy i was in the dream💔😞

#10

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iamprish1-blog · 7 years

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I have always felt defeated in life, lost not knowing my ‘purpose’ or meaning in life, I think this once abandoned space can prove it all. However, since the past weekend, I think a huge part of me has changed, something I can’t put into words has happened in me.

It was last Friday 23rd of June 2017, when i came home around 12 or 1pm and I saw she posted on instagram that her dad had passed away, i was shocked and found it hard to believe, just a day before that she was thankful for the miracle her dad almost missed death. but that day I was so sad that i cried loool....i cried because i realised a few things, 1: my crush for her was really foolish it was a meaning that is meaningless because there’s nothing i could do to comfort her or anything.. i do not know her, 2: from the text message she shared on instagram i could tell god has taken away a great man/father and its so so so unfair and she really had such a great blessing to have had a father like that! she always said that her family is estranged but she doesnt know its not at all... maybe they didnt always agree with each other but it was still a very beautiful family 3: there’s nothing i could do...and i really wished that i could exchange my life for her dad’s...because at this point in my life i dont have anything thats precious to me and i dont have anything i look forward to...besides my petty dream of buying 1 or 2 audi with cold hard cash...which got me thinking if it were anyone else would i wanna do this obviously nope i wouldnt...and this thought really scared me that why on earth would i have thoughts like this???? then i remember i think i used to say like i would exchange a few years of my life for love LOLOLOL WTF like seriously i just wanna punch myself in the face/body/anywhere i totally regret saying something like that...and im not sure if i would regret saying this...honestly i wouldnt even exchange my life for my parents’ and thats for sure but zac maybe yeaaa

actually last week i deactivated the fb account which i created just to stalk her, but somehow after the news i reactivated it cause i wanna know if she shares any stories on fb...but who knew that the next day she posted for the funeral service...and till today im still curious why she shares her fb posts for everyone to see...she shouldve at least only share the details to her fb friends cause she wouldnt want to message everyone about it...but maybe i should be grateful for that cause obviously i went for all 3 days ! at first i only i wanted to attend on monday...cause its weird for me to even be there like why on earth should i go!! but of course knowing me i have always been sooo sooo sooo so obsess with her... i just went i mean like i dont even know why i went because i wouldnt do something like this at all what more to attend your crush’s father’s funeral?????!!!!!! its so ridiculous i didnt even go to saint’s open house when i was actually invited twice.....and now i attended to someone’s dad funeral when I have NEVER MET THEM OR KNOW THEM AT ALLL?????????? oh yeaa and i actually unfollowed her on insta but then re-followed her again cause i was so afraid she would make her page private and i wouldnt know anything that fear was seriously real lol

it might sound totally ludicrous but i actually felt like there’s some sort of ‘force’ or what that made me go there...i didnt hesitate much not as much as i thought...i was only worried that she might see me and then that would annoy or anger her....however, maybe at first i gave the excuse that i can finally see her...but then it felt more like i just want to be there...i just wanted to be there i dont even know why...the first night i went i was late to appear right at the parlour, so i missed her eulogy, but i was glad cause i could give myself the excuse to come again...the first moment i saw her i felt a sense of relief i think, nothing like anything too much of emotions, but once i was there i just wanted to be there even more....just awhile after i was standing right outside the corner window i saw just waving at first i thought she was like waving at me or what lol cause she was looking at my direction, i couldnt see well cause the windows were tinted and kinda blurry...but then i thought oh she must be waving at someone from the crowd cause she doesnt even know me lol...and then i left early once people starting to queue to pay respect to her dad, i wanted to stay longer but there’re toooo many people soon the sight of her was buried in the crowd...so i left cause i saw her friend and i panicked a bit...the funny thing must be...when i arrived quite early for malaysian timing i stood in between juncture in front....i made myself looked like i was attending the one on the right and kept my head down sticking my eyeballs to my phone...then like around 830 i was like i gotta do something...so i just tried walking towards the right i wanted to see whats behind....thank god i walked till behind and found their room...there’re so many people standing outside but once i heard someone talking i just couldnt care much and stood right infront of the window...then i saw her with her sisters...and of course all the people outside must be think im so weird cause now they know im here for the same person lol i was quite embarrassed for that....but then the next day while waiting at the airport for boboy to arrive....its sooo long i was thinking sooooo much i wondered hmmm why did she only wave to the person at that time wouldnt she see them earlier already??? haizzzzz i was just tooo confused

the second night i went and i was shocked to see when i arrived that there’re no people standing outside...but this time i didnt take the back road...and when she was presenting her eulogy i stood in front of the door only cause theres where i could hear clearer from the outside, i couldnt hear everything she said tho...just she mentioned about now her definition of sadness is different and she almost almost burst out crying and after that i heard something like ‘you know.... someone to walk us down the aisle’....when she finished i asked the worker to help me give the money cause i didnt want to go inside cause i know i shouldnt even be there...but when i walked towards the window where i was standing the previous night...i think i saw her head turning towards where i was going....she must have felt confused like whats happening and of course i think by then she must be wondering who the hell is this person! and so i gave the money with my nickname zenn....cause i thought it would seriously wayyyyy toooo stupid and moronic if i used a fake name like seriously i just couldnt lol... and then when i was standing there i think she was looking at me cause her head was like at my direction but just didnt know if her eyes were on me or what....and then i did something seriously dumb i thought that for her to not see me i could just hide my face behind all the photos hanging there...but then it only laterrrr i realised that from HER PERSPECTIVE she would still see me cause ughhhh like seriously cant believe im SOOOOOO DUMBBBB!!!! ohh and then at one point when her sister walked behind to take something or what she followed behind too....so means i could have see her standing right in front of me but then i turned around cause like of course i was afraid she would like know which now i realise its all soooooo stupid cause i mean like seriously its sooooo bloody obvious i was looking at her the whole time...but then im not sure if she knew who i am.....when people were like paying respect to them i was standing on the other side of the window means i was standing behind them, and then suddenly i think i saw her friend looking at my direction cause i was like the only weirdo standing outside looking inside! but then actually i still cant be too sure cause i was standing quite a distance and i couldnt see well through the blurry window and then i got panicked more and ran away lolol....but i was glad that there’re a lot of people giving them comfort SO MANY HUGS LOL! sometimes i wish i could hug her lolololollll

on monday it was the funeral service in the morning, and i think the timing was right from the beginning cause papa was already planning not to go to site on monday, so i had no reasons not to go....and again i just felt like i gotta be there...and this time i went inside and sat at the last row which then after that i saw the guy i was sitting next to was actually her friend lol cause he hugged her...and then he was with her other friends....and then i was like damnit! damn i miss one thing....her family went to calvary church...i think i heard that since the first night but didnt bother so much....but then on the second night when a pastor was like giving his short speech....i had my head on the ground cause you know standing for so long is back breaking and tiring plus i have working so hard at the site :( but then suddenly a familiar voice had my head raised up....i looked through the blurry window and thought is that the very very very very fussy pastor????? ok so i just googled yep the pastor should be pastor richard that one i know...but im not sure if the one there was the same....however its on monday pastor steven that really made me think was i really meant to just be there? cause again most of the time my head wasnt looking straight up except when her sister was singing and damn her voice is greattttttt i dont think any chinese can sing sooooo well!!!! even betterrrr than jacklyn victor or something lol! too bad she isnt a singer....but then again too bad im not a film star when im so funny i could be the chinese gianna jun lolol HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAHA ok pls prisha! right....the pastor his voice was so so so familiar and comforting like i just heard it yesterday not like literally but like just recently, which is weird cause its been yearss since i last attended to calvary and thats before they moved, plus have i even been there more than 50 times??? lol! idk but now i really want to hear his voice again cause its like reassuring...and im not sure if i could remember voices or its just that pastors’ voice is more anointing to the ears.....and also there’s another pastor who share the story her dad made him a charger thing....its really weird cause i never expected to remember pastors faces cause theyre all like old men right all look almost the same....but then i know i will never hear pastor steven’s voice again cause i will not go to such a huge convention center it just doesnt feel like a church thats so commercialised....tho dumc hall kinda big too...but then i now realise i really prefer their voices more than the pastors in dumc lolol i think im weirder than the person who married eiffel tower lel

anyways when i was sitting down i turned behind and saw some of the pictures there, i knew i could easily walked up and take a closer look at all the pictures, but i didnt cause i know i didnt have the rights or deserve to do that, just like how i wish i could have the chance to see her dad but i couldnt, there’s no reason for me to. i wonder if anyone believes that true love can actually transcends space...no doubt i could feel the unconditional love he had in him...i mean i didnt need to listen to all the testimony to know like seriously his face showed it all ! ! ! one thing for sure i definitely felt inspire that i would like to dedicate all my faithful love to someone...i dont know who it will be or what will actually happen in my future....but i know i will wait patiently for the person to show up....it makes me wonder if she actually has TOOOO much love in her that she sorta a player tho HA HA AHAA....ok jokes i shouldnt tease people when their loved one just passed away....but i know even if i have way tooo much in me i would still only give it to one person, there will always be room for only one in my heart....maybe its also why now i just feel like shutting myself out from the world....i dont even feel like talking to shalinn i mean i wanted to at least remain some kind of acquaintance and go to their final studio presentation....but now i really cant....i dont know how to process what im feeling is too weird i need time to forget this i need time for my prayers to come true then only can i open my heart.....meanwhile i will do whatever i was planning to do slowly and hopefully the day i stopped stalking her will come soon.....truth is im kinda frustrated too...i dont get why is it that i felt like there’s some sort of i dont ‘spirit’ or whatever shit pushing me to go there....but god doesnt even bother to tell me WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT WITH MY LIFE!! i just want the feeling whereby it just flow and its smooth and everything feels right....because i didnt have anxiety at all when i was there, just nervous cause first time going to a place where no stranger would ever go is seriously something lel! and maybe a bit of panic and trying to run away trying to hide which all didnt work didnt make sense lolol...like when after her dad casket were inside to be cremated...her friends were like walking out and coming towards my way, i panicked that i was like damnit now i gotta go for real...but then i was so nervous i missed the entrance just on my left then walked a round and then got shocked confused why the hell i came back to the same place....and seriously at that moment i thought i was gonna faint cause the weather was bloody scorching hot and i had a cap on and i didnt eat breakfast and i was confused like where the hell is the exit??????? but then i ha d the chance to stay longer like to look at her lololol like seriously damn stupid...till the end i finally leave when more people were leaving

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palersex · 7 years

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6/20/17

so i started this blog cause i just graduated highschool and idk ig my life is worth chronicling now. ig i should start with graduation. i graduated yesterday from ehths, im apart of the class of 2017. apparently graduation is a big deal, i didnt kno or comprehend that. its a time where the whole community comes to celebrate its newest members. i didnt really feel that tho. i felt like an outcast, like i didnt belong with everyone else. everyones familys were their and cheering for all the students. all of my classmates were super excited to graduate. everyone was just happy except for me. i hate to sound like that but it really was the worst day of my life. my graduation made it onto the memorable worst days of my life list. i delt disconnected cause i didnt have a family to aupport me. my uncle didn’t show, my sister, my poppop, walt (not complaing about him tho), or my dad. my mom did but i didnt see her nor did i want too, same for my grandmother. Ann did, and so did Daegan. and i saw them after which made things a lil better. but i was so beaten about my dad not showing that i cried. only for a second. daegan tried to comfort me but he doesnt have the vocab to do that. i still appreciates him being there for me tho. he didnt say anything wrong at least lol. pre-ceremony was bad too. i went to the wrong school and didnt wear the right clothing. post ceremony was unbearable. parking at the wrong school meant going to alder shuttles which i missed, everyone i knew left and didnt answer their phones, and it was raining. it was just a sad day for me and im glad its over. i didnt even wanna go. but now its over and im free. and thats why i started this blog to write about all the things i cant wait to do and do-do, and i draw so mayb my art and idk poetry and shit. so yea.

#post #6/20/17

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justventingjustventing-blog · 8 years

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ok so posting surveys on here in my new thing because i always wanna do it on facebook but never do because people i know dont need to know this shit about me and no one on here is going to read them so fuck yeah

basics what’s your name ➔nunya do you have a nickname ➔ biz do you have a middle name ➔ness do you like your name ➔ no my parents are awful people do people often mispronounce your name ➔ yes do you like the meaning of your name ➔ my name means “a queen in germany in the like 15oo’s” so yeah when is your birthday ➔ 4/20 how old are you ➔420 do you like your age ➔ well i can buy alcohal so yeah what’s your zodiac sign ➔ pisces

appearance what’s your hair colour ➔ sand is your current hair colour your natural hair colour ➔yes do you dye your hair ➔ twice do you have natural highlights ➔yeah bitches fuck yall when was the last time you had a haircut ➔2013 what length is your hair right now ➔ 3 large penises do you have straight, wavy or curly hair ➔ my hair is about as gay as me (its fucking straight) do you have frizzy hair ➔hell nah do you use a curling iron ➔no do you use a hair straightener ➔yes do you braid your hair ➔ when im bored what’s your eye colour ➔ grass do your eyes change colour ➔no but the lighting around them makes them look different colors do you wear contacts ➔ no if so, do you use colour contacts or regular contacts ➔no do you wear glasses ➔ no do you have naturally long eyelashes ➔i was born without eyelashes do you wear braces ➔ yeah but just as an accessory do you have dimples ➔yes do you have moles ➔i have frecles do you have outstanding cheekbones ➔well no but just because they didnt get an award in school doesnt mean their not smart do you have freckles ➔i have moles do you have piercings ➔ yes do you have tattoos ➔yes do you wear make up ➔yes do you paint your nails ➔no do you wear jewelry ➔ no are you happy with your height ➔ FUCK NO IM BARLEY TALL ENOUGH TO NOT NEED A FUCKING CAR SEAT personality would you consider yourself outgoing or shy ➔yes are you sarcastic ➔no what’s your biggest fear ➔fear itself what’s your guilty pleasure ➔mastication (yeah look back at it ya perv, read it wrong fucker.) are you religious ➔ yes do you get easily along with people ➔yes do you cry easily ➔yes

school (TRIGGER WARNING) do you go to middle school ➔ no? do you go to high school ➔ no? do you go to a private school ➔ no? are you home schooled ➔no what the fuck god have you gratuated from school ➔GOD what grade are you in ➔FUCK YOU have you skipped a grade ➔ IM NOT ANSWERING THE REST OF THE SCHOOL QUESTIONS have you been held back a grade ➔ have you ever failed a class ➔ have you been sent to the principals office ➔ have you skipped school ➔ have you cheated on a test ➔ family do you live with your biological parents ➔ yes do you get along with your parents ➔ yes do you tell your parents everything ➔ fuck no do you have strict parents ➔ im 19 so no I PAY TO LIVE THERE I JUST DONT NEED TO GET AN APARTMENT I SWEAR IM NOT GONNA STAY THERE FOREVER IM LEAVING TOWN IN LIKE 3 FUCKING MONTHS do you have siblings ➔i have a spawn of satan who used to share a room with me are you the oldest ➔ yes are you in the middle ➔no what the fuck god why does it make you go through all these just put it in one question damn are you the youngest ➔ are all of your grandparents still alive ➔ no friendships do you have a best friend ➔ yes do you have more than 10 friends ➔ fuck no do you have at least 2 friends you can trust with your life ➔lol probably not they never answer my calls and suck in general do you have a lot of guy friends, a lot of girl friends or equal girl and guy friends ➔im not in middle school ok i dont give a fuck do you text with your friends a lot ➔ of course i cant get mad at these stupid questions because i am the one that picked this one oh and also shout out to who ever made this thanks but you suck relationships what’s your relationship status ➔ MARRIED BITCH have you ever been in love ➔FUCKING DUH do you believe in love at first sight ➔NO have you ever been in a relationship ➔no have you ever had a secret admirer ➔idk??? if their secret how would i know damn have you ever been asked out on a date ➔ yes have you ever been kissed ➔no have you ever made out with someone ➔yes have you ever been cheated on ➔ yes have you ever been proposed to ➔ yes do you want to get married ➔nope do you want kids ➔dogs country where were you born ➔F where do you live right now ➔ U have you ever been out of the country ➔yes do you prefer country or city ➔country do you like sightseeing ➔yes is one or more of your parents from another country ➔no what places would you like to visit ➔ya moms house are you fluent in more than one language ➔si papi what languages can you speak ➔german health do you have any allergies ➔i am allergic to bullshit and with the evolving liberals in this country it has impaired me from going to work YOU PEOPLE OWE ME are you lactose intolerant ➔na have you had surgery ➔na have you had stitches ➔na have you broken a bone ➔ na has someone close to you died of a disease ➔ya do you exercise a lot ➔ na experiences have you ever had a near death experiene ➔everything out of my confort zone is a near death experience to me have you ever been on a plane ➔ ya have you ever had an allnighter ➔i have pulled an all nighter but i have never had one have you ever been to school/work after a sleepless night ➔no i just skip and then sleep. light burns my skin sometimes have you ever been in a physical fight ➔ya have you ever been to a wedding ➔my own have you ever been to a funeral ➔ yes have you ever lived in a different country ➔yes. america is a very different place and i would not suggest going there have you ever been drunk ➔ yes have you ever been trick or treating ➔ nope. jk yes my parents loved me have you ever been in a school play ➔yes. have you ever been to a camp ➔what kind of camp are we talking about? because honest to god no jokes aside i read it and thought it meant concentration camp but them i was like no fucking way thats awful no way thats what they mean have you ever driven a car ➔ WHAT AGE GROUP WAS THIS MEANT FOR skills how many languages are you fluent in ➔ YOU ALREADY ASKED THIS BITCH have you ever read a book in another language ➔yes but i had no idea what it was saying can you roll your tongue ➔ fuck yeah can you braid hair ➔already asked this question oml can you do a handstand ➔ yes if someone is holding my feet habits do you crack your knuckles ➔yeah and now i have to bitch do you bite your nails ➔no thats fucking gross do you bite your lips ➔why is this here but not smoking

favourites what’s your favourite movie ➔ donnie darko all the way motha fucka what’s your favourite tv show ➔shameless what’s your favourite book ➔ dont remember what its called but its a sex novel (and not 50 shade of grey fuck that shit) what’s your favourite song ➔ this question is so stupid everyone answers it by saying “idk theres so many” what’s your favourite colour ➔ㅠㅣㅐㅐㅇ ㅐㄱ뭏ㄷ lol im in korea and acedentally typed that. sorry if its offensive. what’s your favourite animal ➔ㄹ허ㅗㅎㄹㅀㅎㅅ쇼롷ㄹ홀쇼ㅗㅎㄹ what’s your favourite season ➔ ㅁ숒ㄷㅀㄷㄷㄴㅁㄷㅈㄱㄴㅇㅈㄷ퓨ㅕㅑㅁ퓨ㅗㅑㅕㅁㅎ러아호 this or that summer or winter ➔녀ㅡㅡㄷㄱ day or night ➔ㅜㅑ홋 cats or dogs ➔DOGS rain or shine ➔RAIN coffee or tea ➔TEA reading or writing ➔WRITING humorous or serious ➔SERIOUS DUH HAVE YOU NOT BEEN READING THIS brown or blue eyes ➔blue single or group dates ➔ well im not into orgies texts or calls ➔calls driving or walking ➔drive last last phone call ➔the hub hub last text ➔ditto last song you listened to ➔some song the hubs was listening to while we were on the phone last thing you ate ➔dick last thing you drank ➔water last purchase ➔food last time you cleaned your room ➔ literally never last time you’ve been on a date ➔yesterday

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