#i might give myself like 20 minutes in bed after i take a shower. if i don't fall down and die bc my legs feel like they're gonna explode

[daz4i]

born to lie down forced to do things

[themultifandomgal]

Blake Gallo- I’ll Be Ok

I was asked to do a scene from Chicago fire season 11x8, but since I can't watch that yet in the uk I'm just going off the details I was given. It's not very long, just very fluffy. I hope you guys enjoy it.

After Blake told me about his family dying in a fire we decided together he should go to the storage unit to look at his families things. Standing in front of the storage unit Blake takes a deep breath. I give his hand a little squeeze letting him know I'm here to support him

"I'll wait out here for you" I tell him before kissing his cheek "I love you you"

"I love you more" Blake kisses my forehead then let's go of my hand and heads into the storage unit. I stand outside wanting to give Blake some space.

Only a few minutes later I hear Blake chuckle making me smile, but that smile falters when I hear a females voice. I place my hand over my mouth trying to stop myself from sobbing, but when I hear Blake start crying I can't stand back any longer. I walk into the the storage unit where I find my boyfriend holding a Christmas ornament with tears rolling down his face. I sit next to Blake and take him into my arms making my heart break seeing him like this. I cry alongside him

"I could have saved them"

"You were 12, you were scared. If you hadn't hidden you might have died that night as well. You've got the chance now to save so many people"

"I miss them"

"I know" I kiss Blake's forehead and we sit there for a little longer before taking a couple of things from the storage unit and taking an Uber home.

The next morning Blake and I lay in bed together before our shift at the firehouse. Blake lays with his head on my chests while I play with his hair. He hasn't really stopped crying since leaving the storage unit which breaks my heart

"You ok?" I ask Blake who looks up at me with tear stains down his face

"I will be. Promise" I give him a little smile

"You sure you don't want to take today off?" I ask

"No" Blake sits up facing me "I'll be ok"

"As long as your sure. I'm going to go take a shower" I peck his lips before getting out of bed and heading into our shared bathroom.

20 minutes later I leave the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. I notice Blake puts something on around his neck

"Is that..." I trail off looking at the ring then walk towards him

"My moms wedding ring? Yeah" I take the ring between my thumb and index finger. I look back up at Blake and give him a smile

"You know your family would be proud of you, just like I am" Blake takes a shaky breath and gives me a nod. I lean up and give him a kiss on the lips before getting ready for work and both of us heading to the firehouse together.

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in September 11th and 12th, 2023 🎀

Did not have the time to make one yesterday as I didn't get home til almost 11 pm and was so tired that i immediately passed out. I had a really good day today(Tuesday), tho! I ordered a bunch of stationery off of Stationery Pal and Kawaii pen shop, and ahhhh, I love all of it, and they BOTH came in less than a week after I placed my order. The quality of everything is *chefs kiss* and I am so excited to start using all this stuff in my university academics as well as my self study goals! I might even switch back to paper notes because of all the stuff I bought, who knows.

Will not include What I Ate as I honestly don't remember, I am very tired at the moment(Tuesday night), having run most of today with 3 hours of sleep. This check in is going to be a bit more on the self care self compassion side as I had a rough two days honestly.

🩷 Personal Achievements -

Washed my hair

Made it to both classes on time

Organized my new stationery in my desk

Cooked steak *actually* good in my food fundamentals class

🩷 Academic Achievements -

Completed a PSYC writing assignment

Completed NUTR assignment

Completed pre lab quiz for my Anatomy Lab

Completed Osmosis lab report

Earned my Human Subjects Research Training certificate for my PSYC class

(I’m certified to use human subjects in research studies at my university for the next 3 years now, how cool!?)

Should I make a post about the stationery I got? Like a haul/review post? Let me know what you think! It’s all pretty aesthetic so I would love to share my opinions on the quality of the stuff I bought….and I bought a lot of stuff without realizing it!

🩷 As of today, Wednesday September 13th, here’s a little academic todo list for today:

Weekly Writing for my Food Fundamentals class

Take my Exam 1 for my NUTR class

Read Chapter 11 for my Personal Finance class + take notes on IPad

Complete my Nutrition Log for my Fitness for Health and Sport class

Study Japanese for 20+ minutes

🩷 And here’s a little personal to do list for today:

Change current fitted bed sheet to new one I just bought and washed, throw away old one

Take my bedroom trash out, throw out package box

Clean bathroom completely

Sweep bedroom

Organize desk more efficiently

Wash my current dirty laundry

Put away previous clean laundry

Change clear shower liner to my new one

Throw out old carpets and replace with new ones

Follow my skincare routine (my face is begging to be taken care of again)

Possibly hang up my string lights with clips behind my desk and attach BTS photos to clips 💜

Budget for paycheck tomorrow

This check in was definitely a little different than the others, especially cause I started it last night but had to save it as a draft cause I nearly fell asleep while typing it up. I will definitely post an update tonight to see how much of my to do lists I accomplished! Looking forward to having today to myself, as I didn’t go to class due to the extreme rain we’re having (I walk to my campus as I do not drive…at all) and I’m completely home alone today! Let the productivity begin!

Til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍

[soracities]

i read very irregularly, ive been reading siddhartha for a while (i know its such a short book but im almost done lol) and i’m really disappointed that i cant really seem to make myself pick up my book and actually read it. there are so many books i want to read, and i dont want to keep procrastinating, and to keep scrolling mindlessly on instagram or something. do you have any tips for how to make reading into a habit??

i’ve liked so much of your book recommendation posts for the sake of reading them ;(

very sorry for the delay in getting to this. i think the first thing to grapple with here and probably the hardest part about making reading a habit especially if you’re trying to come off from social media is the reality that spending less time scrolling on instagram will be very, very hard at first and you need to be prepared for that; you’re going to feel yourself drawn to it constantly because that is the habit your brain has built for itself and the hardest part may be resisting that urge in the first place. identifying when you do most of your scrolling, and rerouting that time instead towards 20 or 15 minutes or reading and, crucially, sticking with it might be the best thing especially if you can put up additional obstacles to divert the urge towards something else; i tend to scroll a lot in the evening but i downloaded the forest app after @engulfes mentioned it and it makes a huge difference for me personally. you don’t have to quit outright (what worked best for me was setting aside days when i wouldn’t use social media but i’m the kind of person who responds best to cold turkey approaches and i know that’s not for everyone)--you can work and read in gradually increasing increments if it makes you more likely to stick to the routine so even just leaving your phone in another room or far away from you and dedicating half an hour or so to reading before bed can help as long as, once again, you stick to it. (it might even help, if you are reading before bed to make an entire ritual before bed that doesn’t feature your phone at all--make a cup of tea, change your clothes, shower or whatever your routine normally looks like, take out your book before you sleep, etc -- however you can fit your reading in as naturally as possible within a larger routine, or even just constantly bring a book with you when you’re on or waiting for transport, or even just in the kitchen waiting for something to cook)

once you set aside time for your reading there are different ways to structure it depending on what suits you best: @pearblossomtree described a really good method whereby you set a number for yourself, such as 20 or 30 for example, and give yourself the option of reading 20 or 30 pages or reading for 20 or 30 minutes (or whatever number is most doable for you) which is incredibly helpful. you can also try the 5-Minute Method where you sit and read for 5 minutes straight without distractions. once your 5 minutes are up, you set yourself another 5 minutes, and when those are up you go for another 5 until you’ve done four or five cycles. you can even split those cycles up throughout the day: two or three cycles in the morning, for example, and then the same mount in the afternoon, or another round in the evening--most of the time, i think, you often find that you go over the time without realising, especially if you stick with it long enough to allow your attention span to grow and focus for longer.

while i know there are always so many amazing-sounding books to read and discover i do think it is also very important for you to really limit your choices; if you spend too much time worrying about or looking at everything you feel you have to read then you will very easily overwhelm yourself to the point of not reading at all. our brains are physically incapable of handling anything beyond 10 options at most so focus instead on a small handful of books that genuinely speak to you and that you know you will enjoy or look forward to. if there are six books you’re really drawn to, break them into three groups of two: once you finish one group, move on to the next one, and so on, and when you’re done choose your next six. don’t worry about reading lists or yearly reading goals or achieving a certain number of finished books--just focus on your group and your group only and keep going with it.

also worth noting i think, is that some books, even when they're short, require a kind of sustained attention or concentration either because of the language or the content, that is at odds with their length so they will, inevitably, take longer than you expect to finish; this is simply to say that, if you find yourself spending a lot of time with a short book, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing (and i think some of hesse's novels would probably come into that category which is why, if you’re just starting to read more or trying to read more while coming off of social media, i would recommend to not always go straight into (most) of the classics if you’re not already familiar with them or don’t already know you enjoy them, simply because adjusting to the language after having your attention fragmented by places like instagram makes sticking with the reading immensely difficult and you’re more likely to abandon it). to me, the most important thing in coming back to reading or delving into reading more is to put your pleasure and enjoyment first. you are far more likely to stick with a book that you’ve chosen yourself and that speaks to you than you are with something that’s been shortlisted for a dozen awards or that everyone is talking about and that you feel you need to have an opinion on in order to be seen as a Real Reader.

at the end of the day i think it's also important that, however you go about reading more, you do so in a way that is best suited to and accommodating of your own circumstances and pace. i'm a very irregular reader also, and have always tended to veer towards that more so than any set reading pattern; sometimes it may be a case of finding your time eaten up by empty scrolling or something similar, and other times it could be that there are other things that demand your energy and attention and that you have to attend to, which won't leave a lot of time for reading as you want. there are a lot of time constraints for me, as well as a number of other things that influence a lot of what i read and if i read and while i wish that wasn't the case, i have to accept the time i do have available and choose my books accordingly because i will burn myself out otherwise and not enjoy it anywhere near as much as i could. i hope some of this helps a little, and i wish you so much happy reading, whatever shape it takes for you x

[iero]

when i started getting frequent panick attacks suddenly out of nowhere, this is what slowly helped me: 1. recognizing it’s a panick attack. 2. believe wholeheartedly i will survive no matter what (managed to internalize this after the first 3-4 times, in the beginning i would call/text someone but i stopped relying on that as soon as possible). 3. trying to be more present during the attack, in order to remember coping mechanisms exist. 4. figuring out which coping mechanisms work best for which symptoms. (for me this is a lot of matching activity to symptom – if i’m hyperventilating i’ll do a couple of jumping jacks so it feels “normal” and less scary to my brain. if i feel numbness i will run my hands under water or sit on my knees. if i am dissociating i will put on my favourite youtube videos pre-prepared in a list and zone out. cw nsfw, sorry, but for many issues jerking off will help for the physicality of it, even if it’s not an enjoyable process at all. playing tetris or something similar while running an engaging podcast in the background sometimes helps me ‘overwhelm’ my awareness.) 5. once i got better at making myself slightly more comfortable during the attacks, i began focusing on how to minimise the time i spent out of it. my technique is to decide on one thing i need to do, like eating a specific thing, showering, brushing teeth, etc. then set a specific time, let’s say 45 minutes, and give myself that time to feel everything and cope however i need. when the timer goes off (and this unfortunately requires more discipline than i often have) go do the thing and try not to let myself focus at all on the attack, in order to have an as-calm-as-possible continuation of my day. 

idk if this is helpful at all, sorry. the moment i was able to see a doctor, after a couple of months, they gave me beta blockers. unfortunately i have anxiety for taking pills so i never took them, but at this point i am able to derail my attacks  within 15-30 minutes, 9/10 times. 

I usually do step 1 and 2 right away. Like I told another anon, my panic attacks almost always start out the same way (like the same "physical" symptom) with some chest pain and unfortunately, it just escalates from there. It's a good thing to me because as soon as I feel that chest pain, my mind does a little "Oh no..." in my head and I know I need to go sit/lie down for a bit and let this pass. When I had one in my car yesterday, I was glad I was in my driveway and I just closed my eyes, put my head on the steering wheel and let it pass. I know I'll survive it because they're not really deadly and my chest pain isn't near my heart, so I know it's not a heart attack/any heart problems.

I really do wanna get into healthy coping mechanisms during an attack myself, but a good 99% of the time I usually will just sit/lie there and either close my eyes or just stare off into space while it happens. Point 5 is a wonderful thing to utilize and I might have to do that myself. My panic attacks take SOO much out of me, mentally and physically, to the point where sometimes I just wanna go to bed right afterwards, especially if I'm still an anxious mess after the fact...

It is helpful, don't worry! I appreciate your message (and I'm sorry for getting back to you late)! My panic attacks usually last a good 10-20 mins. usually, but I've had one that lasted me, like, two hours before and that was a BAD night. I'm hopeful with me starting exercising and/or medication, I can have them less and less.

[wtfuglydemon]

I need to vent this fully somewhere before it consumes me whole, as long as I don't tag it isn't that easily found right?

regardless, please be aware of mentions of self harm and abuse before reading.

I hate may 24th with all my might because it's my mother's birthday and i don't have the most stable relationship with her, neither do i have anything but extremely mixed and negative memories about her.

each year i dread and prepare myself for this day but somehow, i forgot it this year and i was surely reminded i did forget by people invading my room while i was already feeling terrible and started guilting me of forgetting her birthday, soon i was forcefully dragged completely unprepared to a birthday party despite saying how bad i was feeling.

At the party were people who already hate me, threatened me, made fun of me, some who said hurtful things to my face and on my back and i was forced to show them my completely messy exterior who just left out of bed in the middle of a depressive episode, my hair was terrible, my clothes were dirty, i had no shoes, i haven't showered in a week, it felt horrible, it felt invasive, each second i was in that party i felt completely abused but those judgmental eyes, to the point i had to leave it early due to nausea and almost throwing up, there were no touches, i was far away from everyone and yet, what i felt was no different from it.

Coming back home i stayed in the bathroom, i had a panic attack, i had to cry for minutes and ended up pushing myself to the edge enough to cut, not much, as i was shaking and panicking, all i wanted was to peel my entire skin off, even now, almost two days after, this dirty feeling in me is not gone, i am uncomfortable in my own body all day and i feel extremely violated, every time i think how much i want to cut again, i want to take myself away from this body and i feel like i might just give in to this feeling at any moment.

After 20+ years of living with my family i never thought what they did to me could ever get worse but i think i finally got a my biggest trauma accompanied with new scars.

[keefwho]

May 24 - 2023

8:20 AM

Forgot to write about my day yesterday but I don’t really wanna do it late. Anyways I remember a short dream where I was dating this girl I used to be friends with in early high school before she went off the deep end. In the dream her ex’s were giving her a lot of shit and I was trying to convince her to let it all go because they were just trying to get to her like trolls would. 

11:56 PM

Getting to bed on time tonight. This morning I made a bologna sandwich for breakfast but I overcooked it a little so it was very dry. Today’s stream went okay, warmups felt slow and the commission stream guy was a little late but I changed my eraser to 75% opacity and it had exactly the effect I wanted. When I use it for my linework, lowering the opacity has given me greater flexibility with line weight and it leaves a gently remnant of my sketch lines where I allow it to. It makes for a look I really like, or at least avoids a look I don’t like which is when lines are too crisp. Too binary. After the stream I was meant to go on my treadmill for 45 minutes but I didn’t. I relaxed for a bit instead, I felt too tired to pull off a workout. When I went to shower I pulled off a very lackluster nut that I didn’t even want to follow through with halfway through but I had already started so if I didn’t finish then it might have bothered me for awhile. I was slow to figure out lunch which was some corndog bites, a can of beanie weenies, and a pineapple cup. I also put a glass of coke in the freezer for later. I wasn’t completely satisfied with how I did on the request today and after that I worked on a Zelda meme for a bit. It’s coming out well and I’m glad I feel like I’m finally starting to get a grasp of human facial proportions and head shape in a way that I can replicate. It’ll still be awhile before I figure out my own style for it though. Currently I’m sticking with copying other styles. With work complete I resolved myself to playing Zelda with a Twitch stream on the side until Daisy offered to call and then we played together. I did lots of exploring today and we started Yunobo’s quest. 

Sporticus has been in heat and should be done with it, tomorrow she needs a bath and a freshly cleaned bed. I’m thinking about taking another half of a gummy tomorrow for funsies. The half I took before barely did anything so might as well. I don’t know when I’ll feel like getting more high, but whenever I do it’ll be with 1 full gummy. Then depending on how that goes, maybe 2. 

[thelozzaview]

You Know We Belong Together Tour Day 2

Today is a good day to wake up, as usual, did the normal things I do to wake up and had my thyroxine and reflux tablets waited on my phone for 30 minutes and then I thought if I shower I would wash my hair first thing so I can take time to other things to dry my hair naturally so now blogging and keeping busy for the morning hangout my towels outside my balcony took my every morning vitamin and ate my fries so I won't feel like I will spew it up and then more of my morning routine getting ready for the big day I have good sightseeing of the Opera House and maybe even the Harbour Bridge today all day until 7pm

So we got here and got the tour of The Opera House and the introduction as we sat in the audience chairs and watch the crew get the stage set up then walked through the house and saw the dressing rooms and settled some things there and forgetting I needed them later did a rehearsal of the show after lunch break had sushi and apple juice in the green room and without a photo let's say I was told I couldn't take photos of the green room or the lobby but I do want to show my Perth friends how big the green room is there is a view we get but don't have the view of the bridge, not the Opera House because we are already living in here

With a cafe, to buy snacks, lunch or dinner but we have our own dinner plans and remember to have a good sleep for another big day tomorrow because it's a performance tomorrow Today is until 7pm dinner arrangements and watch Tv and keep blogging or call parents to tell them what my day has been like, blog maybe then be on my phone until I sleep that's basically what I hope to happen maybe a walk around Sydney either on the way back or tomorrow morning another thing I am looking forward to is night routine which gets me in a sleeping mood

The time now is 4:52 might have some shut-eye time after going to the toilet but I will find at the dressing room I am sharing with the girls most of my friends and family are commenting on photos of London and saying I should have my own dressing room even though personally that would be awesome having my own time it will also be lonely I do like company so having my own time with the company is my thing it's also a good idea for me to tell them I need time to myself and they wouldn't mind that.

It's a big thing to be away from family let alone parents while on tour even though it is 4 hrs away from Perth they are planning to come over also because dad has her sisters coming maybe brothers uncles and aunties coming on Thursday so that might be a family day for me so I'm excited about that so I will have to arrange that with dad when I get to talk to parents tonight before watching Tv and bed I better remind myself to do that so we had our long break which we needed and we are now watching the stage finish setting up and going into our dressing rooms to get our stuff and have a go on the stage for 20 minutes and then to our hotel to wind down for the night before bed

We all can't wait for that and girl time with Talitha Clare Watson called Katie to give us a wave because we can see them all talking about how the stage is set up and other comments can't wait to get on that stage even if it is for 20 minutes.so we did and that was fun and had a dance party like we usually do before we get into performance mode and busy thinking about ourselves and focussing on my no coughing onstage for a performance and get them all out before it throughout the day until performance ends that's when I can and behind stage or when my microphone is off

Then got everything ready to pack and walked back to our accommodation and wind down for the night Talitha made us some dinner and had some of her chocolate then the sugar rush went all around me until now had my vitamin for the night with my milk and was ready for bed and wasn't much on tv so I turned it off finish off my blog on today and now I'm ready to tick tock and youtube away until I sleep I turned off my alarm because I need to sleep until my bladder wakes me up normally that's my alarm.