#i need to be able to exist without being a flaw
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So... maybe it's time to address the elephant in the room
My low self esteem.
My confidence was stripped away in every aspect and I have yet to regain it
Between my lack of productivity and nothing to show for myself
The requirements of others that I am so far from meeting
And my ma's consistent negative perception of me and energy toward me
I feel... completely worthless and devoid of value.
And ofc I tell myself otherwise and such.
And I do mantras and affirmations
And I look for the good in myself
But
I dunno
I cant see one shred of evidence to support the concept that I'm worth something
There is one exception. I'm useful.
I'm incredibly useful.
Call me and I'm there.
Make a request and I'll fulfil it.
Ask something of me. Even if I find it difficult. I'll see to it that it gets done.
For those I care about.
I am available. I am the person you turn to. I am the voice of reason. The source of sound advice. I am a positive energy. A calming presence. A bringer of peace. And the person who encourages you to honour yourself above all else.
I am very useful.
I am a tool.
Literally
But when it's just me. Not fulfilling some use just... existing
I'm taking up space.
A drain on resources.
A useless entity waiting to be put to use.
I don't see myself anymore.
I'm so familiar with depression and anxiety and self hate. And I've come so far from that.
I'd made it to joy and love and appreciation!
But so accustomed to the darkness that being in this space...
I didn't notice that it's actually... Not good.
I'd have the odd self criticising thought and then I would correct it and go about my day
And ive felt lacklustre. And I've had very little pride. And more and more I find myself wanting to avoid talking about me.
But im not depressed. And I don't hate myself and I AM correcting those thoughts. And my comments on myself do always end on a positive note.
A forced positive?
An empty one?
A shell of the thing I am telling myself. The thing I used to be but no longer am.
I do not feel good about myself.
And being that I'm not treating myself poorly. And that I'm am still approaching myself with kindness and patience. I've been ignorant to the fact that I don't feel good about myself. I don't see any significant good in myself.
By which I mean, yes, I see and acknowledge the good. But it's minimal. Its nothing compared to what I'm not. What I'm lacking. What I'm supposed to be. What I'm capable of.
I'm basically just a "nice" person. With some good words.
I have a kind heart sure sure
But what of it?
What makes me meaningful?
What am I really but a fleeting fancy? Enjoyment for the moment?
Because when I really look at me. When anyone looks at me. There's just not much to see.
I endured far more critical damage than I had realised
I've been impacted far more deeply than I'd considered up til now.
I knew I'd been wounded deeply but I thought I was in tact.
I'm not
I feel like a wound. Barely bandaged. Oozing. Never quite healing.
And completely unattended.
#mine#i think im gonna take a deep dive into my tumblr archives and find some of the words id uncovered in the very depths of me#the reasoning. the thinking. the healing#that got me to a point of genuine pride and self love#and i think i need to restrict the ways i communicate with people while i do it#i need the focus off of me#off what im doing#off where im at#off what is afflicting me#i need to stop being so conscious of being perceived#i need to be free to focus on WHO I am and not what ive got to show for myself#i need to be able to love myself without such regular indication that i am hard to love#i need to be able to exist without being a flaw#or a problem#or not enough#i need to be something more#something else#something outside of all the things about me that require such in depth consideration#that inspires such rumination as to whether im worth dealing with#or being around#i need to be able to like myself#without external indication that i shouldnt#because im not good enough#because im intolerable#because im something to be put up with#i need to be able to exist beyond doubt#im good#there is something in me#i deserve something#i mean something
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Louis does see Armand for all his flaws, and yet still chooses him, and loves him, but when he sees them for what they really were, and really entailed, he no longer can. Oh, gradations of evil. Louis had in ways bought into it.
#contriversial?#Like you can't deny Louis knew Armand to be a liar manipulator a disciplinarian betrayer and a threat among other things#He knows him and Claudia are at odds with each other#You might ask why then would he not turn the other way and run? And well cause Louis is tired of looking and feeling weak and Armand#where he isn't flawed offered him all this power as flimsy and dangerously able to be undermined as it may be#and he offers a place for him to have a connection he fears he would otherwise never have again in his everlasting existence#Suppose then Armand is the lesser of two evils#I feel too that since Louis views himself as deeply flawed and deeply capable of the same things that they are both#beings of evil as they are vampires and so on#to go about judging it so strongly that you deny any sort of connection you could have in another would really be to deny himself of#all he wants and needs and desires which gets at a point of him of his inner felt weaknesses of denying himself and being subjugated#away from being able to obtain such things without opposition or other forces#Armand is flawed in that he is a force but Louis sees to the potential of him being genuine in his devotions to him as#capable of quelling this entirely. To have Armand be 'his' is to finally control what has long been out of his control.#It's... more complicated than this surely but surface level Louis does choose armand and loves him but#it's always layered with an amount of false pretense and illusions of deeper trust#If you're whole vampire community is assholes who would either want to die or kill you you might as well choose the one who won't do either#at least by all impressions#and who you find very attractive physically and intellectually and who finds you attractive too and who happens to be good in bed#and into the same sex things you're into and curious about#Who you contentiously just get and who gets you back even if you would never really see eye to eye because you know a specific kind of pain#still knowing you relate to them somehow even if you can't see to their perspective#I am rambling now but this ship gets me ....#Feel similarly about why Louis would apologize to lestat - he feels put down to not own up to his part in all of it and he feels more in#control over his situation and his sense of self to simply admit this than to pretend like he was an absent player#He doesn't agree now with how he acted back then and in a way this is his way of admitting to he can move past that he is that person still#which he isn't in any sense still that person#Do I ... fully agreeeeee??? no. Do I get it? yeeah.#It's an autonomy thing really like I'm also not going to say he can't if it genuinely doesn't harm him to I guess.#Not like he's fully forgiving and forgetting here either he's just owning some shared responsibility esp. on part of Claudia
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doing my best to stay in my wee little corner but some of the petra hate i’ve seen is absolutely baffling i’m sorry. can’t believe people hate on her for having the nerve to a.) have flaws and show them in a non palatable way, and b.) be difficult at times and struggle with herself + her shifting friend group during the midst of some sort of midlife crisis. i suppose she should just keep her head down and repress all of her emotions and never be interesting? i guess??
#txt.#mcsm petra#also these are flaws that we see signs of during the dlc. only much more extreme and more tense!#idk its like yes petra is being unfair. and cruel. and that is actually the point and she will ALWAYS apologize for this later#in perhaps the most heartfelt scene in the entire franchise!#like petra gets on my nerves during s2 but that is the point … the game is not shy about this!!#but just because petra is acting badly does not mean she is like evil. it just means she needs to fix herself and she DOES!#anyway. i wish more characters in mcsm got the attention and nuance petra did with her arcs in the dlc + s2 actually#i think more of jesse’s friends / mcsm characters should struggle more than they do and be allowed to chafe against jesse#without being a ‘villain’ or whatnot. i think they should be allowed to have flaws that aren’t cute or quirky#and should be able to exist within the narrative despite.#i am not mad about this per se and people are entitled to their opinions but man oh man do these petra takes take me out a lil
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The bitches could never comprehend the pure gineminosaurus size of my reluctance to talk about my feelings. And neither can I
#it's fascinating how the more I analyze certain characters. the more I realize the depths of how fucked up I am by proxy.#how did I think I was an open book of a person. I could not have been more wrong ever#I keep harping on about it but it's so fascinating to me#like. so many of my coping mechanims exist purely to resolve the fact that I don't tell people things#and I trust more people but I still don't trust PEOPLE you know?#I have a fundamentally negative view of humanity I think#which isn't realistic because humanity isn't either or#but I've been burned one too many times I suppose#I have the tendency to downplay what I've been through a LOT. because it's kind of scary to acknowledge that it was actually pretty bad#not the worst and not anyone's fault in particular but. Jesus christ it kind of sickens me that it happened at all#and that no one batted an eye or thought to check what was going on with me instead of reprimanding me#I think my distrust of people is probably my greatest flaw#my lack of faith in everyone and constant need for them to prove themselves first cannot be helping me socially#and I'm also able to tolerate very little deviancy from my own values. which is not good#people generally don't like being around someone they have to walk on eggshells for. people generally don't listen to someone who judges you#I wish I could be more forgiving without that thing that I do where I also stop holding people accountable#it's very either or with me#yay autism black and white thinking. gee I love you sometimes#but I do notice that I'm improving especially as of late#slugproclaims
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How to Write a Character
↠ Start with the basics, because obviously. Name. Age. Gender. Maybe even a birthday if you’re feeling fancy. This is step one because, well, your character needs to exist before they can be interesting. But nobody cares if they’re 27 or 37 unless it actually matters to the story.
↠ Looks aren’t everything… but also, describe them. Yes, we know their soul is more important than their hair color, but readers still need something to visualize. Do they have the kind of face that makes babies cry? Do they always look like they just rolled out of bed? Give us details, not just “tall with brown hair.
↠ Personality isn’t just “kind but tough.” For the love of storytelling, give them more than two adjectives. Are they kind, or do they just pretend to be because they hate confrontation? Are they actually tough, or are they just too emotionally repressed to cry in public? Dig deeper.
↠ Backstory = Trauma (usually). Something shaped them. Maybe it was a messy divorce, maybe they were the middle child and never got enough attention, or maybe they once got humiliated in a spelling bee and never recovered. Whatever it is, make it matter to who they are today.
↠ Give them a goal. Preferably a messy one. If your character’s only motivation is to “be happy” or “do their best,” they’re boring. They need a real goal, one that conflicts with who they are, what they believe in, or what they think they deserve. Bonus points if it wrecks them emotionally.
↠ Make them suffer. Yes, I said it. A smooth, easy journey is not a story. Give them obstacles. Rip things away from them. Make them work for what they want. Nobody wants to read about a character who just gets everything handed to them (unless it’s satire, then carry on).
↠ Relationships = Depth. Nobody exists in a vacuum. Who do they love? Who annoys the hell out of them? Who do they have that messy, can’t-live-with-you-can’t-live-without-you tension with? People shape us. So, shape your character through the people in their life.
↠ Give them a voice that actually sounds like them. If all your characters talk the same, you’ve got a problem. Some people ramble, some overthink, some are blunt to the point of being offensive. Let their voice show who they are. You should be able to tell who’s talking without dialogue tags.
↠ If they don’t grow, what’s the point? People change. They learn things, make mistakes, get their hearts broken, and (hopefully) become a little wiser. If your character starts and ends the story as the same exact person, you just wasted everyone’s time.
↠ Flaws. Give. Them. Flaws. Nobody likes a perfect character. Give them something to struggle with, maybe they’re selfish, maybe they push people away, maybe they’re addicted to the thrill of self-destruction (fun!). Make them real. Make them human.
↠ Relatability is key. Your character doesn’t have to be likable, but they do have to be understandable. Readers need to get them, even if they don’t agree with them. If your character never struggles, never doubts, and never screws up, I have bad news: they’re not a character, they’re a mannequin.
↠ You’re never actually done. Characters evolve, not just in the story, but as you write them. If something feels off, fix it. If they feel flat, dig deeper. Keep refining, rewriting, and letting them surprise you. That’s how you create someone who feels real.
Now go forth and write characters that actually make people feel something. And if you need a reminder, just ask yourself: Would I care if this person existed in real life? If the answer is meh, start over.
#writing#writerscommunity#writer on tumblr#writing tips#writing advice#character development#writer tumblr#writblr#writing help#oc character#writers life#writer community#writers on tumblr
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Heads up: Sonic Prime discussion in 2025
I fucking love how Sonic Prime asks the question “who would Tails be without Sonic?“ and the answer they gave us was: he would be lonely, he would angry, and he would be an actual bad person.
The tragedy of that is such an interesting take on Tails. He’s a happy guy who’s heroic and adorable and just lovable all way round. His character “flaws“ aka what the games establish he needs to work on is his self-image and confidence. like, I can almost see a version of a game or a series that has Tails wondering who hed be without Sonic, and the answer they would give him would be “youd still be fine on your own, cus ur strong in your heart blah blah nlah“ but Prime doesnt DO THAT.
Sonic prime says Tails would be worse off alone. He wouldnt be sad, he wouldnt be crying on the floor, no, he would be ANGRY. He would hate the world and he would trust no one and he would not hesitate to manipulate situations for his benefit. He would do bad things and work with the enemy and then become his own enemy because the world has never given him anything good in return. I love how the existence of Nine makes Tails as a character 100 times more tragic than before. And remember: Nine isnt meant to be an Evil version of Tails, he is just Tails who never met Sonic.
Assuming that Nine is essentially our Tails without the part where Sonic comes into his life (and obviously a few more changes. I hate that fucking eggbaby btw) it basically tells us that Tails, the happy, adorable fox is very much not some sort of “golden hearted boy“ who is unmistakenly good or innocent. That’s just what he was able to cultivate from Sonic raising him. But thats not Tails. Not really. There was so much hate and anger in him that was abruptly stopped because of Sonic coming into his life. Its just so tragic how much of Tails, (a character who worries about being too dependent on others) life is ironically, VERY MUCH depentent on others. He wouldnt be happy without Sonic or their friends. Sonic prime basically said: “Tails cant find happiness on his own.“ and i just love how much that fleshes out his character.
Tails is a happy child who’s a genius and who can be sassy and who is the most adorable little guy all around but aint no way was that ever a given. Tails could be angry, he could be a bad person, there isnt much needed to make him into one. Tails was LUCKY to be taken in by Sonic. It’s tragic. Its ironic. Its SO COOL.
I love this goober and the many, many implications you can find after only hearing like, three seconds of his backstory and one episode of Sonic Prime. My poor baby 😔

#sonic prime#tails nine#miles nine prower#miles tails prower#sonic and tails#sonic the hedgehog#tails the fox#unbreakable bond
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DPxDC prompt. Fae!Danny x Jason. Dead on main. Death of a Fairy Tale. or
"Oh no! This tricky hooman stole my heart! What should I do?" *becomes a leader of his court and, just in case, overthrows the tyrant Pariah Dark in order to allow marriages with representatives of other races and live happily ever after with Jay*.
~~~~~
“You're not allowed to be here. This is not your territory.”
Jason barely had time to catch his breath after escaping from the hot dog vendor when someone noticed him hiding in the bushes.
There were no rides for children or food vans in this park, so Todd didn't understand why anyone would cling to this territory but the guy looked at him with obvious concern. And well, after the morning's adventures, Jay didn't have any energy for another conflict at all. This kid looked pale and thin, so it didn't look like fighting with him would get him anything.
“Calm down, I'm just passing by. What's your problem, dude?”
“I live somewhere ne...here.”
Jason rolled his eyes. It's clear that the guy lived nearby, but it's unlikely that he had a house. The lack of a T-shirt and shoes hinted that in front of him was also a street rat who most likely had not yet learned how to defend his belongings. Poor guy. But this is definitely not Jason's business.
However, did he really spend the night outside in the open air? Sleeping on the bench was a last choice even for Jason. This might be acceptable options in some quiet provincial town, not in Gotham.
“I mean, what are you doing outside?”
Young Phantom checks his glamour, but finds no flaws in it. This man in front of him must be very knowledgeable and experienced, despite his young age, since he immediately recognized him as not a human being. For Danny, who lived with other fairies in Fairyland all his childhood and came to this dimension for the first time, the outside always meant the world of human. Fae shocked and upset that he was discovered so quickly. Haven't people almost forgotten about their existence? The elders would swear a lot if they found out that he had failed. The boy carefully orders the vine and clover to cover the circle of mushrooms, hiding the front door from the human. He was the only one of the entire brood entrusted by Undergrowth to start a practice in a city where there are almost no plants and sunlight, and faeling did not want to let down the mentor who took him under his wing at all.
The old Fairies claim that people are mean and narrow-minded, but Danny himself is intrigued by these creatures and therefore hopes that he will be able to come to an agreement with the boy and to continue his research without obstacles. Danny intends to take the exam for the right to be called an adult fae this decade, which means he has no right to make mistakes. But still, forcing a guy to dance until he drops dead from exhaustion or make him wander along the paths of this small green area without being able to find a way out, as he was taught to get rid of pests at home, seemed too cruel. This boy, just like him, is still a cub and he is here by accident, not to encroach on their possessions. They need not quarrel.
“Don't banish me. I'm just trying to learn.”
“To do what?”
“To steal.” Danny blushes, realizing that such honesty was unnecessary. Stupid, stupid...People know that faeries can take their names, thereby gaining power over them. Now this cub will definitely decide that he has come to cause harm and he will not be able to learn anything useful and interesting. Phantom quickly makes excuses. “Nothing important! I only borrowed trinkets and fruits.”
“You're new to this, aren't you?”
“Is it that noticeable?”
“Pretty noticeable, yes.”
The boy looked at him almost pityingly. And the Phantom didn't like it.
That's how the spirits and other fairies used to look at him when they found out he was only halfa. Because of this fact, his abilities were belittled and not taken seriously too often. What's wrong with that? He's dead just like everyone else, even if not completely.
And now he's screwed up, not even because of his nature, but because of his sluggishness. It was especially unpleasant, as it was deserved. He should have spent his time more productively, but the flowers bred with the help of humans were so interesting and talked about their longing for the sun with such sadness that fae did not dare to interrupt them.
Jason finished both of the stolen hot dogs and leaved the park. The guy still follow him and stares intently, almost without blinking.
“Stop it. What do you want?”
“I study. You seem experienced. “
“People don't really like being stared at like this, in case you didn't know. Back off.”
“Really?”
Jason was ready to be outraged that the kid thought he was an idiot but the tramp from the park looked really puzzled. It seems that if he ever had parents, they didn't care about the boy, since they didn't explain to him that atypical behavior could add him problems. The boy is lucky that Jay is an asshole only when absolutely necessary.
“You're weird. Try to keep your mouth shut near others.”
“Okay.”
Jason took a few minutes to think and sighed. Todd could not leave this strange child alone, because damn conscience would not allow it. He can't survive alone. He will either wander after some other person and become a victim of trafficking or he will be at the beck and call of some assholes in the late afternoon. Jason cursed his bleeding heart once more and promised himself that he would keep the boy by his side no longer than necessary. Jay couldn't afford to be responsible for another mouth to feed. Summer has already come to an end and it was worth starting to save a little money and store things in case of early cold weather.
“If I teach you some of my skills will you promise to stay away from the places where I…work?”
“Maybe. Is this a deal?”
“Yes, if you'll agree, idiot. “
Danny nods and his new acquaintance continues.
“First of all, we'll get you shoes and some clothes. I don't need you to pick up tetanus and some viral crap.”
Danny smiles a little, trying not to make it too noticeable. Great trick.
He nodded to indicate understanding rather than agreeing, and the boy did not ask for verbal confirmation. It seems that he is not completely hopeless at deceiving people. Phantom couldn't wait to tell Clockwork or Frostbite about his success.
They wound through streets and rooftops for a long time until they reached other man's temporary shelter, and Danny had to admit that the man's decision to borrow more clothes was very clever. Strange sharp things and narrow bags of biological fluid were found between the houses disgustingly often. The elders are right about something? Danny must admit. Some people are nasty. They didn't even clean the settlement they live in properly.
A foul-smelling device for carrying things flew into the face of fae while he thoughtfully followed the boy telling him something about removing so-called tires from the iron inanimate horses.
“Dude, stop fighting with a trash bag. You'll stand guard while I give the customer the goods, okay?”
“Fine.” To be honest, the intern was ready to cry from the injustice of life and rush home, and he was only stopped by the desire to visit the observatory, which his new acquaintance mentioned when fae complained that because of the smoke and smog the stars would probably not be visible at night.
Danny realized that he did not regret his decision when, a couple of minutes later, he heard his human quarreling with adult specimen. Judging by the conversation, the man refused to pay the price for the things brought to him and even threatened to hit Phantom's guide. Danny was annoyed by this and decided to intervene a little. To his good fortune, on the balcony of this vile man there was a pot with withering petunias and they did not mind helping lil fae teach their owner manners. A slight whiff of magic and the pot falls on the deceiver's head and human begins to choke on the roots that climb right into his mouth. Danny giggles, congratulating his green comrades on their successful revenge. Other boy doesn't waste any time and grabs the bucks that fell out of the customer's hands and orders new boy to run.
Danny spent several days with human cub and really learned a lot about these creatures. Despite the fact that such a pastime was exciting, he needed to at least create the illusion of practice the fae skills.
It is dangerous to ask a person who knows who he is about this but teachers will be upset if he does not make an attempt. And despite the fact that the people around him seem scary, Nocturn will be much scarier in anger if he finds out that Phantom is such a loser.
“Ma- Can I have your name?” Danny muttered uncertainly and immediately panicked at his own impudence. “Sorry!”
“Jason.”
Todd was in a good mood, as luck had been with him for the last few days, and the new companion was not at all as useless as it seemed to him from the beginning. He was able to hide so well that no one could detect them, and managed to bring fresh fruits, vegetables and mushrooms to their safe house. However, there were problems with the last one, since this strange dude sometimes brought toadstools and satan's boletes to their apartment, which he managed to get from unknown places. Jason thought he was going to have a heart attack the first time he caught child happily eating raw fly agaric. Indeed, if Jay hadn't found him this boy would probably have died of poisoning in that park by now. Todd had to persuade him to bring only chanterelles, which he could confidently identify as edible and not fear for their lives every time the boy tries to help find food. And his padawan really managed to find them. In Gotham. Holy shit. Maybe this park, so fiercely guarded by the boy, was another secret area for Poison Ivy's experiments? However, poisonous specimens will not be wasted either, since you never know when you will need to defend yourself without entering into a fight, but acting more subtly.
“Real name! Real one!” The boy's eyes were as big as saucers and he became very worried and waved his hands as if trying to shake off invisible sticky threads from his fingertips. “You shouldn't say your actual name! Why did you do that? You shouldn't have given it to me.”
“There are a lot of Jason's around. Why do you care about that?”
“You're not just some Jason, you're my Jason, you're important to me. It's dangerous if someone has your name. Then that someone can make you do bad things.”
Tears began pouring down boy's face and Jason was surprised by such a violent reaction. Todd doesn't think there's anything to worry about, since he didn't tell the stranger his last name. He often introduces himself in different ways. Just, for some reason, something made him be honest this time. But how would this guy know that?
“Well…You're not just anyone. We're friends. I don't think you're going to rat on me to the cops or anything. So it's okay. “ Jay tries to calm the newcomer down.
“Friends?”
“Yes. Friends forever?” Jason teasingly holds out his little finger, offering a childish oath that he recently taught his padawan.
“Forever.” The boy supports the oath, and then, after thinking for a second, leans closer to Todd and whispers. "I'm Danny, just so you know."
“Good. I'll remember.”
The young fae is overcome with euphoria. He took the name! He did it! But that was all the other boy had, apart from a rusty tire iron, so it probably wasn't right or friendly to keep it. The human cub helped him. Danny couldn't keep such a gift. He didn't even really try to get his name. “Jason is your name.”
“That's right, buddy.”
“I won't call you that name.” Where I come from, even spouses rarely know each other's names. Danny wanted to assure his friend that he should not be afraid that he would abuse his power. “ I like you so I will take full responsibility for the possession of such a gift, don't worry.”
“Hah, in order to take responsibility, you already need to at least marry me as a moral compensation, given the number of brain cells killed by your antics. “
“Well, if I have to, then I will. When we're older.”
Jason snorts and shakes his head. It's probably not love, since they're just kids, but still, Jason thinks that if all autumn evenings were like this, he wouldn't mind spending his life with Danny, snuggling closer to the boy while they both bask under the same blanket. No matter how many times a day they managed to roll in the mud and fall into the trash can, the boy always gave off a light scent reminiscent of spring greens, which reminded Todd of something warm and cozy. Maybe a home? Although when his father was not in prison yet, his house smelled more like the stench of cigarette smoke and mold. So Danny was more like a hope for a good home that they write about in books.
On their free evenings Jason usually entertained them by reading. Danny has always been an attentive listener, reacting vividly. After stroking the battered cover of a new book he found, Jason puts it aside. He's too tired today, and just wants to listen.
Noticing this, Danny begins to chirp about his homeland. His stories are like fairy tales, too bright and colorful for the stone Jungle. Jay realized a long time ago that his friend had something like a defense mechanism. Todd himself snapped and fought when the world was too cruel, this guy escaped to his fictional world, where he was safer and happier. His friend could have been a great writer someday. The descriptions of Princess Dorathea and her cruel brother, pharaoh with an unusual passion for technology and ultra-recyclo vegetarian queen of plants were so detailed and vivid that they seemed true. Danny's imagination contained the whole world.
When the first snowflakes fall to the ground, Danny says that this means that his friend Frostbite will soon come to pick him up. Jason is honestly not ready for such a turn of events. He promised himself that he would not be around another boy for longer than necessary, but he managed to get attached. He hopes that this statement is just another one of his companion's fantasies and forgets about it for a while.
A snowstorm is raging in the city when Danny does not return home. The snowfall does not stop for several days, and Todd realizes that his friend left him, although all his belongings are left in their apartment. He hopes that someone really came for the boy, and not that in the spring his body will be found in one of the melting snowdrifts. After a few months, when the canned homemade vegetables carefully cooked by Danny are coming to an end, and the mold, sitting alone in a corner of the ceiling all winter, felt the first the warm rays of the sun, Todd decides not to waste energy on useless worries and hopes.
Soon, as Danny would put it, Batman steals Jason. Todd doesn't really trust the old man at first, but he teaches him to be Robin, and, well, Robin is cool. He's magic. Robin is an urban legend, a spirit worthy of being the hero of Danny's favorite stories. Robin is Jason's connection not only to the city itself, but also to his past. Robin does not need to think about whether he should grieve not only for his mother but also for his friend. Robin is more. There is not only strength and hope in this uniform, but also memories, nostalgia and humanness. Therefore, Todd is not ready to give up the suit, even if he understands Grayson's displeasure. Because when he goes out on a patrol, the longing becomes less, and he feels that he is getting better and closer to something important. It helps.
No.
It helped.
And then he died.
And things are getting worse by the day, hah.
~~~A few hits with a crowbar later~~~
Jason learns about a new attempt of eco-terrorism relatively late, when he is officially called to help. Even so he stays at the place of the fight before the rest of the family. Firstly, because this time Ivy decided to start destruction from the closest to Crime Alley park, and secondly because Ivy's creations always pay little attention to him. Even the famous pollen has almost no effect on Hood.
Making his way through the furiously writhing vines, Red Hood notices the enemy and realizes that it is not Ivy, but decides that he will analyze the situation during the battle and rushes forward.
“Hey! Don't touch B, you.. “Almost flying into a guy with such a familiar face, the Hood slows down sharply “... pointy-eared.”
A guy with sparkling green energy in his hand and a vigilante with a pistols in each hand freeze looking at each other.
“Man, is it you?”
Snow-white hair, glowing green eyes, transparent dragonfly-like wings and razor-sharp claws are completely unfamiliar to Todd, but facial features, expressions and a bracelet with star pendants that Jay gave Danny for his birthday, adorning one of the impressive polished horns, allow to recognize him.
“Jay! It's been a long time, my friend.” Hearing Todd's voice, despite the sound changed by the helmet, the creature calms down. “You've grown up a lot.”
“And you're still so short. Wow. And, by the way, I can't believe you're still keep it.” Red puts the safety of the guns and then points one of them at the jewellery. “It's from a dollar store, nothing special.”
John says goodbye to the hope of a day off after the mission, cursing the manners of the bat and his offspring. Is a couple of days without the risk of interdimensional conflict really that too much to ask for?
“You gave it to me. That's why it's special.”
The creature smiles and Todd feels his face blushing. It's a good thing he's still wearing his helmet. Danny looks too…magical…in every sense.
“Do you know him, Hood?” Of course, Bat cannot stay out of the conversation when nothing is holds him back.
“No.”
“Yes.” Danny denies the statement of Hood, proudly puffs out his chest and declares. “He was my first. He calls himself Hood these days? How strange.”
Bat gasps and exhales indignantly.
Jason quickly connects the fact that his friend is definitely not human with the possibility that Danny's stories were true.
“Name!” Trying to fix the chaos that his friend is trying to involve them in, Red Hood hurries to explain. “He's talking about damn name. I'm the first one who gave...”
“Oh, come on, spoilsport. He almost believed me.” The fairy winks playfully and Jason has to do his best to focus on the mission and not on the guy. “You're my betrothed anyway. And, hey, I collected the library as a wedding gift.”
“Hm.” Hood rolls his eyes. This joke about their childhood promise would have been hilarious if he hadn't felt the old man's rising pressure behind his back. So, returning to the problem, he still needs to get these two away from each other as soon as possible. Neither Danny nor Bruce has a calm personality, and Jason didn't want to start Danny's acquaintance with Alfred by giving first aid to these dummies. “So what's all the fuss about? Are you like um.. Ivy's pet-pixie or what?”
Now John Constantine, who carefully watched the meeting from the sidelines, almost feels his blood pressure rising too. Compare faeries with garden pests. What was Batman's son thinking about, showing such disrespect? He wanted them to have more problems or what?
“Hm? Who is Ivy? I've never heard of her. To be honest, I'm only here because our gate was disturbed.” The fairy chirped angrily and, with a nervous flutter of his wings, flew up to the bushes. His finger pointed accusingly at the crushed mushrooms that John and Batsy had landed on when they unsuccessfully attacked Dr. Isley. “But even though your companions' behavior is inexcusable, I don't blame you, of course. I am glad that we met again because of this incident, Tagetes.”
The Faerie circle...John hadn't seen this in years. Damn Gotham. He difenetly doesn't want the problems of this crazy city to fall under his and Shazam's responsibility. Now it is clear why Rogue disappeared so quickly. She probably knew about it and wanted to make them someone else's problem. Damn it twice, John should have sent a message instead of coming to Gotham to discuss business with Wayne. Being uninvited guests of such mischievous and malicious hosts does not bode well.
“You are lucky that the Fright Knight is not on duty today. But someone will have to answer for it. Is it really so hard to look at your feet? Or is this a deliberate provocation? I demand an apology.”
“No, enough games for you. They're a little busy chasing someone, in case you didn't notice.” Jason starts pulling on his friend's hand, intending to take him out of the park. Next to these paranoids, it's better not to ask an old friend about anything. “Only good little fairies are invited to my safe house to taste my signature lasagna today, so stop trying to give my old man a heart attack, okay?”
“Wait. Is this Willis?” The fairy's eyes narrow and he looks at the cloaked dark figure with disapproval.
"No, another jerk. B has a problem with adoptions and that's the reason I'm now part of his brood." Jason reluctantly explains. "He literally dragged me off the streets without consent after I tried to take the tires off his car."
“Oh my Ancients, he did what?! But you're mine! He had no right to steal you.” Danny indignantly rustled the leaves of the closest trees.
“I prefer to be considered as my own man, thank you very much.”
“Riiight…but still, speaking absolutely one hundred percent theoretically, who would you rather stay with, darling? If only you were mine~”
“Ja-..Don't let yourself be fooled, Red Hood. You can't trust him. Ten or even fifty years spent on a prank don't mean anything to this creature.” Bruce doesn't look happy with how at ease Todd is with the threat, but frankly, he rarely looks happy at all, so the crime lord doesn't attach too much importance to it.
"Wow. Rude. This is partially true, but it still hurts. Jason is a friend. I won't do anything to him and I don't demand anything from him. I can't say that about the rest of you. I was preparing for a long-awaited vacation, and because of your fuss I have a new bunch of paperwork to do. What can you say in your defense?"
The boy with the snow-white hair didn't look really upset, but just because there was still a smile on his face, it couldn't be said that he wasn't furious. Next to fairies, all human senses became enemies, not allies.
Despite the deceptive good-naturedness of merrily fluttering his wings guy, John was on high alert. Short-tempered, playful and obnoxious temperament were both a blessing and a curse when working with these creatures. Fairies skillfully searched for loopholes in contracts and in general were the best deceivers among those who could only tell the truth. Faeries prefer to bend victims to their will with words, but they are skilled users of the magic of nature and chaos. They also, despite the business acumen as strong as the alligator's mouth closing strength, were willing to play cat-and-mouse with those who dared to turn to him for help or just walk near their possessions. And this specimen was also clearly not one of the fairies that Morningstar had taken over control, since his energy reeked of Infinite Realms. Unknown territory. John urgently needs to come up with some ingenious plan to get everyone out of this fighting safe and relatively unscathed and…
“Fuck off, B. I told you he already has my name. If he wanted to hurt me, he would have done it at any time. You should show more respect for your future son-in-law, you know.”
“Jason, honey, since when do street rats hang out with bats?” Danny obviously didn't have much sympathy for the Gotham vigilante before, but because of his story, their chances of getting along tended to zero.
“Oh, come on, don't even start this conversation. What is more important���Who would I rather stay with? Hm…Let's say, um, theoretically, of course…If your fiance was killed by one very very bad cruel clown, what would you do, Stardust?
"I would tear clown molecule by molecule."
“Yes, yes! Right!” Jason pats Danny on the shoulder and turns to Batman. “See, that's how you should have reacted.”
Constantine: …What an Addams family. I'm leaving. I've already seen enough. If you get kidnapped, don't call me. Damn freaks.






Come with me now to see my world
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams
Strangers Like Me - Phil Collins
#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc#dpxdc crossover#dpxdc memes#dead on main ship#dead on main#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc#dp x dc prompt#dp x dc fanfic#dp x dc fic
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for what it's worth I personally don't believe spite had anything to do with the pantry near-kiss experience at all. I think that was a 100% lucanis naturel disaster no supernatural additives present or indeed required. at most spite was watching that whole situation go down with mild puzzlement about approximately every part of it, I don't think he'd have much interest in it one way or the other. the explanation seems much more mundane and grounded and in some ways much sadder to me.
if your nervous system has never been in a place where any surge of emotion, even -- in fact sometimes especially! -- a good and exciting one makes you feel like your soul just touched a hot stove it can't get away from, then sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and without a trace of snark, thank goodness and I hope you never experience it. For the rest of you... fistbump of solidarity it's rough out here but *grits teeth* we stay silly etc. In the place lucanis is in during that part of the game, feeling like you're losing control (again even for ostensibly good happy reasons) can feel an awful lot like you're dying, or worse. on top of everything else going on for him -- again going only with non-supernatural elements and not even comprehensive: a year of non-stop horrific trauma added to pile of previous mountain of childhood and attachment trauma. chronic sleep deprivation. apparently dead grandma doubling as mother figure. cousin-brother aggressively fucking around and in real danger of finding out. fucked up the ONE thing he thought he knew how to do that's been the central pillar of his identity. the world might be ending even more than it already was because of it. keeps faceplanting with barely any dignity and having to get up again with alarming regularity GOD how could I ever not save treviso this man desperately needs a W (just one!!) like few people in the history of the world have before him. he's more caffeine than man because the alternative feels worse. it's bad in here. and ON TOP of all that he's in the process of falling just. appallingly soul-shrivingly in love, which can notably be playing on hard mode even when you're in a mostly functional place, that shit routinely rocks people to the core under the best of circumstances.
so I'm not surprised it's too overwhelming for him to handle when he tries to throw himself in head first -- in fact I'd have been more surprised if it weren't lol. he clearly wants it so much, which only makes it so much more painful that he can't actually bear to touch it when it's offered to him freely and eagerly. this is the tantalus-level awfulness of this kind of attachment trauma; food seems to be right there, you can see it, almost smell it sometimes, but no matter what you just can't seem to reach it. seemingly not for any flaw in the existence of the food, but because of something broken in you that can't or can't bear to actually eat. his deliberate flirting routine is kind of deeply dorky tbh lol (in the most endearing way possible let's be perfectly clear) and I don't think it's entirely natural to him -- that's a hastily cobbled together 'oh god I am getting the vibes here it is happening for some reason they like me for my personality quick what would illario do' approach if ever I saw it, supported by the fact that it never really makes a return after this --
BUT I do think his obvious near-unbearable delight with rook's existence and person that shines through in that scene is entirely real and unfeigned. he likes them so much. he wants so bad to be able to be close to them. he's so hungry for the reprieve and release and relief they represent to him, just for one moment, just one break from all the awfulness to have something uncomplicatedly good. and it's here, it's been offered, he's welcome!!! and he has to flinch away at the last minute anyway because he's an exposed nerve of a human being. there's a point at which every sensation including joy becomes indistinguishable from agony. he's pretty much exactly at that point. for the love of god have some mercy on him people. the feeling that salvation is right here but you're too broken a vessel to hold it is one I wouldn't wish on anyone. let him have a few moments to stare into the void before he's ready to get back up and try again surely we all deserve at least that much lol
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#this is literally just me ranting about the feelings he evokes in me and not really directed at anyone I just. I Feel. things#in case you can't tell. I'm the lucanis. him is me. we be like this. this all makes the too much kind of perfect sense to me#it's odd in narrative structure but it's uh. uncomfortably real in some ways. freeze is difficult to describe in conventional narrative#it's a bad time to have in a bad place. but very decent company to be in I must say I love him. so much#also I think we might have exposed some of the basic garrusness going on here haha (just one thing please just one good thing)#and how much getting there hinges on feeling completely safe in that relationship. anyway. everyone ok. I'm not but someone should be
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Zenshu's Built in Character Flaws aka Why Luke Braveheart and Unio seem to be Assholes and why I like it. (A repost of a reblog to stand as its own post.)
Regarding ep1, we all gets to see the 'stoic' act of Luke and Unio as we watch them insult Natsuko foe being in the desert without waiting to hear an explanation and leave hear to starve when she is hungry. And than in ep 2, we see blanton sexism that Natsuko points out when he gives his reasons as to why Natsuko can't join the 9 heros.
And I can see how a lot of people might regard these moments as annoying or infuriating as Luke and Unio are supposed to be "Heros" and anime is following annoying tropes. (At this point i feel we can comfortably regard Luke as more of a warrior than w Hero I'd say.)
But, to me, it all makes perfect sense.
Because these unheroic flaws are evidence that Luke Braveheart is a protagonist of an old school fantasy anime film (aka the old school fantasy anime film that Natsuko watched as a kid) and one that was regarded as unpopular/a flop/bad by critics.
Unio has the perfectly annoying traits of a side character/sidekick you'd see in like the 1980s (?) (I'm thinking of scrappy from Scooby-Doo). Arrogant, likes partying and drinking over listening to a warning, wants rewards as a hero, flirts with Memmeln ect.
Memmeln is there as the token women warrior who doesn't even speak up much for herself or show alot of emotions (from what I've seen in the first 2 episodes).
And QJ is the intelligent character that's there more to exaggerated the danger coming towards them than to actually be helpful since its an action anime film. Example: "CHANCE OF SUCCESS IS 3%" & "Charging is what he's going to be doing from now on whenever you actually need him."
They all exist as animated characters that a kid would watch in theater in the 1900s and believe they were the coolest people ever as they believed the film was the coolest thing ever produced. But than acknowledge all the media's flaws once they got older.
All of this I'm ok with and am able to stand because Natsuko clearly does not put up with any of that crap and seems to be admiring everyone for their animation art and nostalgia.
She does not treat them like great heros of legends like people would do with meeting [the Avatar from atla] or [Harry Potter]. She does not worship or dream about them like celebrities but as the childhood characters she has known well and appreciated for a long time.
And I'm really excited to see how the anime grows everyone or even just Luke from their 2D archetype into more complex people. And I'm excited to see how Natsuko treats them as time goes on. (Frankly the running gag of her swinging Unio by his horn in hilarious. She has no respect for anyone🤣😍🥰)
#zenshu#natsuko hirose#luke braveheart#unio#memmeln#QJ#media literacy#zenshu analysis#my post#my anime post
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USELESS FUCKING JANITOR [ daisuke / reader ]

after a small incident with jimmy, you’re left feeling miserable and a little bad for yourself. luckily a certain useless ray of sunshine pops in just to comfort you
tags / jimmy mentions & him being a dick | ooc characters | reader is a janitor | this fic is kind of messy i apologize | fluff | kissing | two young idiots and their feelings | daisuke can’t stand jimmy | reader lowkey needs to stand up for herself | just fluff nothing more | minor hurt w/ comfort
notes / this originally was gonna be smut but i decided to go a different direction, whilst the next daisuke fic will def be smut. please enjoy and please excuse any typos or grammar mistakes
You hadn’t know the co-captain for long. You didn’t know much about his background, values, or morals. You didn’t know a thing about him, yet you knew enough to steer clear of his path. Something about him was unnerving, and sometimes downright odd. One such being the way he loved to pick people apart. Metaphorically digging his fingers into a person, pulling each little insecurity as if perfect bullets for his emotional ammo. You’ve seen Jimmy do this to Anya, reminding her of her flaws and lack of accomplishments. You wondered how exactly she continued the day as if his words had no effect. Like water off a duck’s back.
Other times it was his captain and even friend Curly. Though far in between. While few times it was Daisuke, the only bundle of optimism left tracking around the ship. You couldn’t deny the affection you were slowly developing for the other. Was it simply you being a hormonal young woman in close capacity with another hormonal young man surrounded by grumpy older people? Or was it something else? Either way you couldn’t deny the way your stomach fluttered each time he would smile at you, wave, or even blink in your direction.
Let alone how he met Jimmy’s usually harsh words with a bright beam of a smile, declaring he’ll do better. Only for the co-captain to sigh and mumble something under his breath, truly bothered by the intern’s existence.
If only you were capable of taking a piece of his personality in times like this.
The day had started off simple, you walking around; earbuds shoved in whilst cleaning up. From dusting, scrubbing, to wiping down surfaces; you were nearly done with your daily duties. Unless of course someone made a mess later, but the others were luckily nice enough to clean up after themselves like the grown people they were.
The last task was to mop, one you dreaded quite a bit. While the clean smell the chemicals left behind were a nice touch, you truly hated how heavy the mop got or how bulky that ugly yellow bucket was. Regardless of your opinion you had a job to do, and fulfill it you would.
The wheels squeaked against the floors as you dragged the large bucket, the chemical-water swishing against the walls of the plastic container. You slowed your dragging as you came across the hallway, humming softly along to the music currently blasting in your ears.
You silently thanked your past self for the taking the time to pack your i-pod, knowing you wouldn’t be able to survive a second on this place without it. And despite Curly’s slight reservations about it — safety and all that — he didn’t bother you much since you got your work done efficiently.
Plunging the long stringed mop into the water, you slowly lifted the heavy weight up and between the unholy yellow contraption. Grabbing the black bar, you pushed, wringing out the excess water for a moment before releasing the mop from the tension. Once satisfied you lifted the mop out, slowly dragging it against the floor in careful strides, assuring each space was throughly cleaned.
In the midst of your focus, and between songs; you couldn’t help but hear a voice you came to enjoy. Your eyes flicked to the side, spotting Daisuke standing in the main lobby, wearing a nervous smile whilst his mentor stood over him.
You couldn’t make out everything they were saying but you got the gist from the expressions plastered across their faces. One of irritation and the other of nervousness. Nine times out of ten Daisuke accidentally messed something up with his overzealous nature once again.
You rose the mop blindly, plunging it into the water just when the man glanced over at you. You spotted a little crinkle of his lips, his once nervous smile growing just a bit cheeky. You could only chuckle softly, lip quickly being bit to silence your laughter. The last thing you wanted to do was get on Swansea’s bad side as well.
Unfortunately, however, with your focus elsewhere you hadn’t even realized how rough you were being with the mop. Attempting to pull it out suddenly grew difficult the moment it got caught on the edge of the bucket, tipping it forward and soon falling.
Just in time for a certain co-captain to be walking by.
All color drained from your face as a loud swear fell from his lips. Your eyes settled onto the man, spotting the darker colored fabric of his uniform. Luckily there was no bleach in the bucket.
Jimmy glared down at his clothes before turning the harsh stare to you.
“Are you incapable of mopping or something?”
You swallowed harshly, gripping the handle of your mop nervously. “I—i’m sorry Jimmy, I..”
“You have the easiest job in this entire place and you still manage to find a way to fuck it up.”
You clammed shut instantly, watching his lips continue to move yet not hearing a thing. You felt raw and open under the harmful speech he uttered, forcing yourself to breathe as not to shed tears. You had done so well before keeping your head down near this man, escaping his radar as not to cause tension.
But of course, your luck ran out in this exact second.
“Useless fucking janitor..” Jimmy finished, walking off, shoes noticeably squeaking with each step. You bit the inside of your cheek, feeling your rapid heartbeat slow the moment he was out of earshot. Still, his words rung through your mind, clouding it and soon your vision.
You blinked rapidly, quickly moving to lift the bucket and clean up the mess you created.
All under the watchful eye of a certain someone.
“Hey, what are you listening to?”
Your eyes slowly rose from the floor of your room, drifting over to the young man currently occupying space in the doorway. His lips were curled into a little smile, tapping his fingers against the entryway for a moment before stepping inside fully— the door sliding behind him.
You shrugged a little, waving your i-pod lazily. “Some random song.” You mumbled back, attention going back to the floor as drums and singing filled your ears. Usually you were up for conversation, loving to go on tangents about the music blasting in your ears. Through your talks, it felt as if you were still connecting to your home back on Earth.
Earth.. oh how you wished to go home. Away from that god forsaken co-captain that just loved to ruin another’s day. It’s not like it’s your fault his life is so shitty. He shouldn’t take it out on you or anyone else for that matter.
Stewing in your anger, you hadn’t notice Daisuke come even closer until he was standing right beside you. In a split moment he was dropping to sit beside you, knee grazing your own as he crossed his legs.
“Mind if I listen?”
You thumbed the circle button of the little device, lips pursed stubbornly. No, you can’t listen. I rather stew and rewind that complete embarrassment of a lecture I received hours ago. Was your first thought, ready to leave your tongue as your eyes darted over to the other.
Except you couldn’t. Not when he was smiling like that, so sweetly; eyes crinkled and pretty lips curled. You swallowed silently, a shaky hand lifting to the earbud closest to him and extending it towards the other. His fingers grazed your own as he grabbed the bud gently, coming just a bit closer to you as he tucked the bud into his ear.
Daisuke’s head went slack, hands falling to his lap as the music ran through his ear. It’s been a while since he heard good music like this. Not the typical instrumentals Swansea played — albeit rarely — when they were working. No, this was perfect. A nice reminder to what he has back home.
“Let me ask, do you listen to this music when you’re cleaning up?”
You nodded slowly, moving a bit uncomfortably whilst leaning back into your bed. “Yeah.. I can clean without music but ya know, I prefer it.”
“I get what you mean. Helps you stay focused doesn’t it?”
Daisuke peeked at you, causing your mouth to run dry; deciding just to nod. A silence entered the room shortly after, the two of you simply listening to your music; your lips slowly moving to mouth the lyrics. Within the second chorus of the song, was when Daisuke spoke again.
“What Jimmy said earlier..”
You shook your head, “Daisuke, you don’t have to say anything. I’m not a child, I don’t need to be consoled after being lectured.” You said cynically, eyebrows furrowing just a little as you glanced at anything but him.
But, the young man didn’t let up. Daisuke gently begun again;
“I’m not consoling you. Just.. reminding you how cool you are.”
You snorted at his words, eyes finally stealing away from the floor to glance at him. “You being funny?” You questioned with a raised eyebrow. You watched, in a rather annoyed manner, as the man shook his head— with enough force his earbud slid a bit, causing him to quickly adjust it.
Despite his assurance, you weren’t convinced.. at all.
“I’m a janitor, Daisuke. I highly doubt that’s cool.”
You watched as his eyes rolled, furthering your minor irritation and confusion.
“You’re a janitor.. yeah— but think about it!” Daisuke hummed, flashing another one of his perfect smiles. “Without you this ship would be filthy, smell bad, and maybe even dusty. Terrible conditions for someone to work or live in.”
You glanced away, struggling to keep your lips in a neutral position. “Anyone can clean, Daisuke.”
“Yeah but you’re the one doing it. Not me, Curly, Anya, Swansea— or Jimmy. You are..”
You shivered as you felt gentle fingers on the back of your hand, causing your eyes to blink back to the other occupying the space beside you. Drifting from that sweet smile down to your hand, you noticed his fingers gently tracing your knuckles for a moment. The feeling was.. pleasant, intimate— enough that a heat of warmth flushed from your chest all the way to your cheeks.
“—You’re just as important as anyone else on this ship.” Daisuke hummed, stealing your attention back to his words. With ease the man was curling his fingers around your hand, turning it over to then link his digits with your own.
“At least I think so. And..”
This time Daisuke leaned close, lips just a breath’s away from your ear. “Whatever you splashed on Jimmy just made him smell.. wayyy better.”
You snorted, now all smiles and teeth as laughter escaped you. Your own pleasant sounds mixed with his, the two of you bumping into each other in the midst of your joy. You hadn’t even noticed the squeeze he was giving to your hand, nor the way your head was practically leaning onto his shoulder.
Moments of this bliss passed before you two could slowly settle down, realization of your current positions quickly dawning on you. Your eyes drifted to the hold resting on your lap, the cool sliver ring he wore rubbing against your heated skin. Your eyes rose from the hold and over to the man beside you, spotting him already looking at you.
Again, that same warmth overtook you— the same warmth that has been doing so for months; every time you looked at this bundle of sunshine. Your lips curled in onto themself, struggling to keep eye contact as nothing seemed to swirl in the eyes staring back at you.
Only when they suddenly flicked to your lips did you get even an inkling of what he wanted. Luckily, the feeling was definitely mutual.
Squeezing his hand, you moved closer— Daisuke meeting your advance and pressing his lips to your own. The kiss was slow, full of uncertainty yet passionate enough that same bliss trickled throughout your entire body. His thumb circled your skin, whilst his other hand reached over to gently grab your arm.
Moments passed before the two of you were satisfied, or more like out of breath; pulling away as your chests rose and fell in tandem. Your head lowered to rest against his shoulder, smiling to yourself as his warmth and your music consumed you.
“So uh.. does this mean we’re… together?”
You chuckled softly, turning to stamp a kiss against his neck, feeling him shiver.
“Yes Daisuke.”
#black fanfic writer#black fanfiction#black tumblr#black!reader#chubby reader#poc writer#black reader#x reader#/ reader#reader insert#fluff#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke x reader#daisuke mw#intern daisuke#reader x daisuke#▌ ִ ♱⠀ׂ ִ gooey ⸺ fics. 𒀭
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On Emilia, Fandom Double Standards, and Summary Culture: A Thread
*Some Unmarked Arc 7 and 8 Spoilers ahead.
To preface this, my rambling will be a lot less structured with fewer screenshots of supporting evidence than I usually provide. This is more just my stream of consciousness edited down into something readable. When it comes to Emilia, I also fully admit to having a bias.
Her character struck a chord with me when I read Re: Zero for the first time, and I don’t hesitate to admit that. Alongside Otto and Subaru, I felt many of her issues reflected some things from my own life as an autistic person, even if it was perhaps unintentional.
The struggle with social interaction, the difficulty with maintaining friendships, the inability to stand up for oneself in fear of burdening others, etc. Even how she was treated by society kind of matched up with that, even if the discrimination was more analogous to racism.
Now I’m just me. My interpretations are just extensions of my experience. My self-indulgent rant here is me merely commenting on my perspective of quite a bit of ongoing community discourse I just find tiring, often feeling misguided at best and actively bad faith at worst.
My general frustration with Emilia's discourse is that I feel a lot of it blows the worst aspects of her writing out of proportion, actively ignores her best writing, and/or makes statements about the content the person fully admits to not having read.
The latter in particular irks me, as it seems to be representative of a bigger issue in this community, that I will cover in more detail later.
In a lot of ways, Emilia’s treatment kind of reminds me a lot about how female characters are treated in Shonen's discourse.
Sure, the narrative doesn’t always treat them the best, but anything positive is buried under a hyper-focus on negatives even if they take up a fraction of screen time. People judge them based on out-of-context panels or summaries without ever touching the scenes themselves.
If they are too competent, they’re a boring “Mary Sue” or whatever buzzword people are using that day, while if they don’t solve everything instantly they’re a useless burden on the plot who are carried by “plot armor,” or once again whatever buzzwords people are using that day. Often, many female characters have been ascribed both labels, without people stopping to consider how contradictory these elements.
And this kind of discourse, this contradictory mess based on hearsay and summaries, is the kind of thing that frustrates me.
I think the best example of this in regard to Emilia is how people discuss her flaws. All too often, people act like her flaws don’t exist or are “stupid,” something that comes off frustratingly ignorant for someone who's been in many of the same places she’s been.
I knew what it was like to realize you needed to cut friends out of your life who treated you as less of a person. I knew what it was like to have to be forced into growing to stand up for yourself, moving away from a parent who infantilized you just because of who you were.
I knew what it was like to have to fully address things about myself I wanted to bury and act like didn’t exist. To act like these experiences weren’t real like they were things no one ever went through, is such a strange thing. Perhaps they aren’t handled the best in places, something I feel is fair to discuss, but of course, nuance can’t exist in these discussions. Or how about the way people talk about Emilia in other arcs?
While I don’t like how Emilia is handled in WN Arc 5, I think the LN highlights how she’s developed in a similar way to how the same arc is used to highlight how Subaru has developed. She stands up to Regulus, beats his ass for the women unable to stand up for themselves like she had once been able to, and resolves to save them despite the impossible circumstances just like how Subaru often does. She refuses to give into despair and wait to be rescued as she once did, being core to Regulus' defense. Yet, of course, none of that is focused on.
Instead, we have to deal with inane discussions about a few sentences in the totality of her arc, throwing out hyperbolic statements about how a random shitty joke “ruins” her character or something. Her role as a narrative foil to Regulus?
How her focus on names in the arc tie into themes of identity? Her breaking of fate by freeing the wives? Nah, she's little more than a "Mary Sue" because she achieves something against Regulus/she doesn’t do anything despite literally being one of the main reasons they won.
Similar things apply to Arc 6. It’s an arc not focusing on her, but it does go out of its way to showcase her development. Her relationship with Ram? Her perseverance in the face of an enemy she can’t do anything against in Volcanica? Her helping Subaru in the same way he helped her, fully swapping roles with him? None of that matters in the face of a 10-sentence scene where Reid pokes her tits.
Arcs 7 and 8 are perhaps the most egregious showcase of these issues. In general, the Vollachia saga does not focus much on the Emilia Camp. Hell, some of them contribute nothing. Yet still, Emilia gets a fair bit to do. She’s able to read people like Vincent, within seconds of discussion and connects down to the root of who people are quickly.
She cuts through the bullshit of people like Priscilla and Vincent quickly, forcing them to meet her on her level rather than act all high and mighty. She forces her way into the hearts of those who refuse to see reason like Madelyn.
More than ever, she showcases her true merits as a member of the Emilia Camp during high-stress situations like Vollachia. She’s a lot like Subaru in that way… Which brings me to my next point: Fuck, do people understate how similar her and Subaru are.
In a community that will analyze every little detail to find even a hint of parallels between Subaru and other characters, to the point of sometimes actively ignoring existing characterization, Emilia seldom gets highlighted. She goes through a similar arc of regaining self-worth, a similar of grappling with heroism, a similar arc of really figuring out who exactly she wants to be to others. She does the whole “wanting to believe she’s giving her full effort so someone else will tell her it’s alright that she failed and then gave up” thing in Arc 4 that matches what Subaru himself did in Arc 3. Hell, even her parental figures in Fortuna and Guese are written to be close parallels to Subaru’s parents (though with Fortuna being akin to Kenichi and Guese being akin to Naoko), something I’ve seen highlighted maybe once ever by someone other than me despite her backstory with them being in the SAME ARC.
It’s just a weird double standard, with people displaying an unwillingness to give her the same level of engagement they give other characters.
On the other hand, she also suffers from the same thing as many other Re: Zero characters where she gets reduced to ONLY her dynamic with Subaru. She has a lot of relationships with other characters around her like Puck, Ram, Otto, Priscilla, etc. that rarely receive attention. This is not unique to her of course (don’t get me STARTED on Julius, Reinhard, and Otto’s treatment by the community) but it is notable with her when the story itself goes after Subaru for ignoring her own autonomy separate from him. This is something people love to point out in regards to how it helps Subaru as a character, but when it comes to Emilia, many engage with her through the exact same kind of thought.
Because Subaru is the only character who matters.
Because anything beyond Subaru only exists for him. Even if an arc has nothing to do with him, even if a character is actively used as more of a foil for someone else, it all has to tie back to him. The world revolves around Subaru.
And it’s not like I don’t get it. Subaru is fascinating. He’s literally my 2nd favorite character in fiction. I’ve gone at length talking about all the little things I love about him so, so, so many times because doing so just fills me with joy.
I just want characters to be able to exist, interact, and do stuff outside of him without everything having to immediately loop back to him.
Going back to Emilia though, I do want to make it clear at this point that I don’t think Emilia is perfect or anything. I guarantee you that many of the things that frustrate you frustrate me a HELL of a lot more. I do think she should have a bit more page time in certain arcs, I do think Tappei has the narrative treat her weirdly sometimes, and I do think she is infantilized often. I will be the first to point out scenes I think undercut her development or treat her like a child. I could ramble all day about a few scenes I dislike throughout Re: Zero and I have gone at length about my issues with how Tappei fetishizes her.
I just think it’s kind of disingenuous to have this be the only discourse around her. To many in this community, a character must be perfect with no flaws or trash that ruins the narrative. Nuanced discussion, analyzing a character for their negatives and positives, can’t exist. Instead, we’ve got to mention the stupid Divine General joke even in the in-universe narrative that seems to disregard it for the 10th time. We have to talk about the snarky one-liner from Otto that is so strangely mean and condescending it feels out of character for him.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t discuss it, but the overwhelming amount of focus on these singular moments as compared to other characters who get the same treatment narratively can be frustrating. We loop back to these singular sentences repeatedly that people saw in a summary or screenshot rather than reading the arc because that’s the only way half this fandom engages with anything anymore.
And once again, I think that’s really what irks me. I think I would be a lot more fair towards the general discourse if I felt like it was coming from a place of good faith; from people who were reading the thing they were talking about. But that’s not exactly what’s happening, is it? Instead, you see people quoting AI translations about as good as a 5-year-old’s book report, you see the same screenshot shared by those who “haven’t read the arc yet, but,” and you see the same wrong information someone said in a summary months ago pop up repeatedly.
It’s such a gross way to engage with media to me. Reducing it from art—something to experience—to slop to shovel down one’s throat. It’s the kind of lazy, unengaged behavior that has led to series being entirely engaged with through Wikipedia summaries and YouTube video essays. Why let yourself get invested when you can just learn everything there is about the basic plot in 10 minutes? Why let yourself be surprised by the twists and turns of a tale when you can just look up the secret beforehand? Why view something as a work of art instead of simple content to be discarded as soon as you know everything there is to know? And if you know all about it, why bother listening to the analysis of anyone who actually engages with the source material, providing quotes, when it’s all just coping and reading into things too much?
There’s an arrogance that comes from that specific kind of media ignorance, and it applies most to female characters. Subaru’s a victim of that slop content approach to media too of course, but it seems to be most prominent with the female characters who surround him. All too often in the anime community, people overcorrect in response to any issues in a female character’s writing. They see a flaw and go “Guess this character is awful,” before proceeding to ignore every previous and future aspect of that character, good or bad.
And the failure to apply a holistic analysis of the merits of Tappei’s character writing is not limited to the shitty gags he writes for Emilia. Pretty much every character in this series has one, and often way more, scenes where something similarly shitty is done.
Priscilla has a gag about being creepy to children. Al makes weird comments about women, some of them being minors. Rem’s love for Subaru is played up to rapey extents in certain side stories. Otto’s struggles with someone who tried to have him killed are reduced to a gag. And who can forget the holy grail of infantilization, Beatrice? The character the story itself calls Subaru’s mother figure, whose entire character arc is predicated on exercising her autonomy, is constantly treated like a child for the sake of comedy. Arguably, she’s subjected to infantilization far more than Emilia ever has been.
Yet, these gags are often ignored, written off as the shitty attempts at humor they are. They still exist and are frustrating, but they aren’t the only pieces of discussion about a character. After all, many people have had to realize at this point that Re: Zero isn’t immune to the same shitty tropes as the rest of the genre. It is subversive of many of its tropes, but it utilizes those same tropes as it pleases, picking and choosing what it wants to deconstruct. As someone who adores this series, I feel like it would be disingenuous of me to claim otherwise.
Yet even acknowledging that, I think Re: Zero and its characters are some of my favorites in any fictional work I've read. When it comes to characters like Al, Priscilla, Rem, Otto, and Beatrice there’s just so much to analyze and admire about them. They tie into the story, the themes, and the characters around them in such fascinating ways that people have written literal essays about them.
Some of it may not be intentional. Some of it may just be my own experiences being projected. Some of it may just be connections that exist only in my mind...but that’s how art works. You are supposed to look at it with bias, whether it be yours, the author’s, or someone else’s.
These are interpretations I can make about these characters, regardless of what anyone else thinks. The author’s intentions, by virtue of not being directly stated to the audience, aren't the only way to read a story. It’s my prerogative as a reader to look at a story through a lens that works best for me.
Ultimately, much of this fandom’s disingenuous treatment of Emilia’s depth as a character is the result of people refusing to have their own opinions and takes on Re: Zero. Rather than reading the story, engaging with it, and interpreting it through their preferred lens, they borrow the rhetoric spouted by others without any critical thinking involved. That’s not to say this applies to everyone who dislikes the character.
You can dislike a character for many reasons, after all. You don’t have to justify it. If they just don't interest you, fuck them. Think whatever you wish and be whoever you want.
But if your reason is that you saw an out-of-context screenshot or summary from someone —if your reason is that you hold them to a standard that does not apply to other characters—that feels rather weak, doesn’t it?
In the end, all commentary on art is subjective. There’s no right way to read a story or watch a show. But there are definitely lazy ways. The only way to counteract this kind of thought is to read, to watch, and to think about the things put in front of you. Truly look at a story for what it is, good and bad.
When I did that, I found a character that I was able to connect with. Maybe you won’t, but that’s just how I feel about Emilia.
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𝐌𝐲 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐃𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐬𝐮𝐬🐆



Hello everyone! I hope you're all doing well. <3 This March, it marked a full year since I started working with Lord Dionysus, and my life has changed for the better. I've had many ups and downs during this time, but thanks to Him, I’ve learned to manage my life better, grow as a person, and become more confident and strong.
I started working with Dionysus during a turbulent time in my life when I felt the need for comfort and divine guidance. I hadn’t worked with a deity in over two years and didn’t know where to begin again. I tried connecting with Tyche for a little luck, but I couldn’t establish a connection with Her. After that, I don’t even remember how I started working with Dionysus, it all happened so fast, and it felt like I had been working with Him my whole life. I started seeing His symbols, His name everywhere, and I constantly had Him on my mind.
Four years prior, I had attempted to connect with Dionysus because I felt drawn to Him. However, back then, I sensed it wasn’t the right time and I'm not readdy yet to work with him. But looking back, the wait was worth it. :D
I can say that this past year has brought many positive changes in my life thanks to Dionysian influence:
🍇 I’ve become more confident in myself and my ability to navigate life. I’ve changed my mindset and realized that I can handle challenges and overcome any difficult situation.
🍇 I’ve stopped giving importance to every negative moment in front of me. Now, I just say, ‘It is what it is,’ and move on. Dionysus has taught me not to take life too seriously, and that’s the most beautiful lesson I’ve learned. Life is both messy and beautiful, challenging and unpredictable. As humans, we must learn to adapt and keep going. If I let every small setback bring me down, I won’t be able to grow. Thanks to Him, I’ve learned to keep a smile, even laughter, on my face, even when my life feels like it’s falling apart.
🍇 Dionysus has helped me love my body more and gain confidence in my physical self. I still struggle with this—I’ve always disliked my body, hated taking pictures, and found many flaws in myself. But over time, I’m learning that these insecurities exist only in my head and that everyone is beautiful in their own way. I’ll admit, I still battle with this, but at least sometimes, I feel more confident than I used to feel. :D
🍇 I’ve become more communicative, open, and truly myself. For a long time, I hid who I was, from my spirituality to my sexuality, because I always thought something was wrong with me, that I didn’t fit in with those around me. But Dionysus comforted me and made me see that there is nothing wrong with being myself. I know this sounds cliché, but I spent my whole life ignoring who I was, hiding, and never letting anyone truly see me for fear of causing conflicts. Since working with Dionysus, I finally feel appreciated, normal. I’ve found a little corner of happiness where I can just be who I really am.
🍇 I’ve stopped being so hard on myself. I no longer punish myself or speak negatively about myself. Thanks to Dionysus guiding me through shadow work, my mental health has improved so much. I’ve started prioritizing my well-being, doing things that make me happy and fulfilled. I sleep better, relax more, and allow myself time to simply live.
🍇 I have, however, become much more fiery. Before, I would stay quiet to please others and avoid conflicts. I’m still a peaceful person, but lately… I feel like something inside me has awakened. I’ve become sharper, more assertive, and when I get angry, I sometimes feel like throwing chairs across the room. But that’s the Dionysian way, duality is key, haha. Now, I feel free to express myself however I want without caring what others think.
🍇 Oddly enough, I feel like I can’t cry anymore, even when I should. I’ve been through a lot this year, but I just feel idk… nothing. Only positivity and the realization that everything is a lesson. Working with Dionysus has made me see, time and time again, that life is difficult, and every obstacle is something we must learn from and overcome.
🍇 I’ve learned to put myself first, which is strange to me because I used to never do that.
🍇 I’ve become more carefree.
🍇 I enjoy life more and cherish every small moment. I’ve created routines that make me happy, I dance whenever I feel like it, and I find joy in the smallest things.
🍇 I’ve stopped letting other people’s problems destroy my own peace. Empathy is still important to me, but Lord Dionysus has pushed me to take care of myself in every way. I no longer starve myself over stress, or let arguments with loved ones ruin me. My mind and body couldn’t handle that anymore, and Dionysus showed me that life is dual, good and bad coexist, and the bad is there to teach us and help us grow. At first, it was a big step for me to stop feeling so deeply about everything. I even wondered if I had become a bad person. But I realized I’ve simply become more stable, more in control of my thoughts and spirit.
I won’t lie, maybe I’ve matured. I’m at an age where I’m slowly stepping into adulthood, and I’m proud of that. But the fact that Dionysus chose to enter my life a year ago, to guide me and be a part of my journey, is the most beautiful thing that could have happened. Having Him with me during this period of my life has been a blessing. I am grateful for everything, for working with and worshiping a God who makes me feel understood, never alone, and most importantly, truly myself.
Even now, as I go through a very difficult time, thanks to my Lord Dionysus, I always find a way to laugh, to smile, and to make at least 10% of my day a happy one. I refuse to let anything break me.
So, Happy One-Year Anniversary to my worship of Dionysus! 🐅🍀🍷 This has been the most beautiful year I’ve had in a long time, and I can’t wait to experience even more wonderful moments with my beloved God. ♡
#dionysus#greek mythology#paganism#hellenic pagan#deity work#hellenic polytheism#witch#deity worship#witchcraft#witchblr#dionysus god#dionysus deity#lord dionysus#greek gods#god dionysus#dionysian#bacchus#dionysos#greek deities#greek myths#helpol#hellenic worship#hellenism#hellenic deities#hellenic paganism#hellenic#dionysus worship#dionysus worshipper#deity#greek tumblr
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Marvelous day to you, good sir/ma'am! I have a burning question in dire need of answering, and thus I have decided to turn to the one and only Monster Mashing Morbius Master John "Dunmeshi" Stash for help!
(Well, actually, I have multiple burning question but I'm saving those other questions for later since I'd like to do some research beforehand when I have the time before I resort to asking more questions.)
For a while now, I have been compiling my thoughts on all of Dungeon Meshi's characters and summing up different interpretations for myself, and this has been going swimmingly all things considered! However, one of these characters I have seen very little interpretations of aside from a handful of incredible fan fictions is the one and only "guy of all time"! Toshiro Nakamoto! Most people I talk to about the fella don't really have anything to say that I myself don't already think; that being that he's definitely the person of all time, a well-written character, understandably though no less dreadfully non-communicative, a poor team leader who could most definitely use some improvement, is complicit in Izutsumi's treatment—which, for the record, I think is good writing and makes sense, especially for the time, though that doesn't mean I won't hold it against him either way—and immensely patient for being able to put up with that little bell thing whatchamacallit. Overall he is just well-written, and his confrontation with Laios—not to mention the way Laios responds—is just... mwah! Chef's kiss! Both sides of that particular fight were also pretty relatable to me and taught me something valuable. It's just... a really good fight scene! Me likey! Life lessons with Dungeon Meshi, hahaha!
I get that there's likely not a whole lot else to go through since he doesn't appear all that often and really is just the person to ever exist, but before I wanted to move on to the next character, I decided to hop by and see if perhaps you'd be willing to share your opinion on him! Maybe you have something interesting I hadn't considered!
If you don't, though, that's perfectly understandable! Regardless, I hope you have a jolly good day! I hope this is not too silly of a question.
Hello! I'm happy to answer any questions so don't worry about sending them!
That said I'm maybe not the best person to ask opinions about Toshiro since I'm a known "not fan" of him, I have come to like him more compared to when I first finished dunmeshi but I probably still have some biases, I'll try not to lean too negative on this tho
With that in mind here's my thoughts
I think Toshiro is a great well written character too! His fight with Laios is amazing and I think on his side of the conflict is a culmination of his worst flaw: He's terrified of confrontation and just passively expects things to resolve themselves.
In the example of the Ogre extra he WANTS to do something about Tade being so thankfull to someone who enslaved her but he wont because he's afraid of challenging how things are/afraid of conflict/confrontation.
I don't think he's a bad person tho, I think he's just passively going thru the motions of life, Toshiro is constantly just thrown around by the people around him without resisting it, he didn't to go to the Island of his own accord: he's there because his father made him go, he didn't choose the retainers that went with him and he didn't even choose to join Laios' party, he just let it happen to him (which is also relatable unfortunately, get a grip man)
Even when having to speak up against Laios in their backstory comic Namari has to pull him to join them in the complaint, he wasn't gonna say anything even if it did bother him (unclear if it did)

Letting other people push and pull you around is also choice tho, he barely tries to resist them and never makes his boundaries clear. In a way him and Falin are similar actually, how both of them just go with what other people want instead of what they themselves want, their reasons are very different (Falin does it because it's what she thinks her loved ones want/need of her, Toshiro does it because he would rather not fight against it) but it is a harmful situation for both of them, you gotta live for yourselves guys.
The thing is that it's not like it doesn't bother him to be pushed around, in the Laios fight years of bottled up emotions finally burst out and he says everything he was holding in the worst way possible, instead of managing his frustrations and setting boundaries with Laios he held it all in until he couldn't anymore, my man is not good at communication or handling conflict.
In another example he gets pissed off at Maizuru for using the Hag to scare him as a kid but also decides not to say anything about it, his relationship with Maizuru is actually also based on repressed feelings that he would rather bottle up and not think about (maybe these too will burst out one day if he doesn't properly deal with it)
But the thing about Toshiro I like the most honestly it's his feelings towards Falin, I might have made fun of him for literally goin "I like her cause she's not like other girls" but honestly I get it, she's a mystery, someone who is always only doing things for other people, and he saw her showing genuine interest in something that wouldn't matter for most people, or most people would find disgusting, so he was interested in her.
People joke that Falin and Laios are the same so Toshiro should like Laios too but Falin isn't as open and bold as Laios, so I think Toshiro wants to actually get to know her, but as I understand for his culture being interested in a woman and wanting to be close to her means asking her in marriage? and so he did, and even then he was still not being clear about his feelings.
That's why I LOVE the extra where him and Falin are finally honest and direct to each other, they're both people who just accept what others push onto them, Falin herself never gave him a response for a year cause she similarly would rather avoid conflict, but here they finally start being honest and direct with each other. I'm pretty sure he knew what her response would be but he still clearly told her and accepted her answer, my man confronted something uncomfortable gracefully, good job.
I avoided speaking on the more negatives opinions I have cause I believe those are what most people talk about but even with the negatives I think Toshiro has room to grow and definitely seems to already be on that path, like Maizuru says he has potential to be a great leader, he just needs to finally take charge of his own life and not be afraid to disrupt how things are
Just as a final thought I wish (some) people realized he has power over his retainers and even Maizuru, who people think is the source of his trauma, is still just a subordinate that can't really do anything against him. The source of his trauma is his father who also has power over Maizuru and made her raise his son (while still having an affair with her) if you're gonna blame someone for how he is blame his father smh
#ask#dungeon meshi spoilers#dunmeshi thoughts#longpost#long post#Sorry this took a few days to answer cause I kept rewriting#Might have missed some details or gotten something wrong?#I havent reread dunmeshi in a bit and shuro isnt really a character I paid much attention to while reading#I do like some of the smaller details of his characterization that I noticed on rereads tho#like maizuru dressing him up when they get to the surface and his dramatic “im gonna faint” face when flamela's squad is squabling with the
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When Schwarz was new did people complain about her being too overpowered?
See, I've had this ask for two days, and I wanted to have a good chance to sit down and answer it properly, because it's a good springboard into something I find interesting, the zeitgeist back then and how it has evolved into current, modern Arknights. Let's do a little retrospective.
No, that didn't happen. As to why it didn't happen, well, there's a few factors, the first of which being Schwarz is not overpowered, she's a character with very evident flaws and very evident strengths, and these were, depending on the player, immediately understood or not really considered in depth.
See, Schwarz was the fourth 6* released after launch -- After Skadi, Ch'en, and Magallan, in that order -- and the absurd powerhouses back then were all launch Operators and arguably Ch'en: SilverAsh, Eyja, and Exusiai were the most popular back then, with Ch'en being a conditional potent burst damage dealer (her S2M3 was her main selling point, being an instant helidrop burst of damage that also hit air units). Schwarz was in a place similar to Ch'en in that she was conditional in how she blasted things; she has superior firepower but poor, strict range for a Sniper (back then, we had no such thing as categorized archetypes, so we just came up with nicknames, like "duelists" for what are now Dreadnoughts, "Schwarz-types" for Heavyshooters, "Enmity Guard" for Musha, and many others), and if you wanted to use her big killer skill, S3, she was only going to have a straight line worth of range to hit things.
See, the thing is, being strong wasn't an 'issue' back then. We wanted more and stronger units so we could break the monotony of SilverAsh swish swish, Eyja Volcano Hour, and Warfarin's Apple Pie Combo. A monotony that wasn't a monopoly, mind you, because it definitely wasn't the sole end way to deal monstrous amounts of damage and tackle hard content -- I myself was a dedicated Specter, Saria, and Angelina user -- but it was what practically all guide makers and tier lists suggested. Either way, the demand for Cool Strong New Units was definitely healthy back then, ESPECIALLY by the time of Schwarz' release, since Skadi and Magallan had been rather disappointing for 6*s; Skadi was the sole Abyssal Hunter buff that existed back then (Guard Specter had no Module, thus, no AH Buff), and without Modules or other AH buffs, all she could do was basically S2 Helidrop to kill something or use her S3 probably once per stage to become a raid boss and then sort of just stand there, offering nothing that other units couldn't since things back then were patently not strong enough to need her, as her 3* equivalent, Melantha, was pretty much enough to deal with anything that required a Dreadnought specifically, and you had other, stronger options that did more than JUST deal with strong enemies if a bomb of Skadi's caliber was needed, while Magallan suffered the unfortunate fate of being an early Summoner in a game where super instant DPS came free with your Xbox, leading to the vast majority of people to not really want to learn to play around her expensive Deployment Slot costs and dynamic gameplay, which also necessitated Mastery investment to put out numbers, investment that was not easy to make back then, as Masteries were something you REALLY rationed.
Another very important part as to why Schwarz didn't have to deal with this was because she was the only one of her type. She was a new way to play back then, so no one felt their favorite was threatened; Schwarz and Exusiai filled very different roles, with Exusiai being able to wreck high HP low DEF enemies with ease (which was basically 95% of enemies back then, notably All Bosses Except Big Bob, who has a DEF of 800) while Schwarz had HUGE chunky single hits that were meant to squash enemies even if their DEF was huge, but who ultimately would have less DPS than Exusiai in most cases. What's more, you would use Schwarz in plenty of set-ups anyways because she brought DEF Shred with her kit. People celebrated Schwarz back then because not only was she a cool new unit type, she could bring value to pretty much all sorts of parties with Physical damage, in a way that another unit I've omitted so far could for Arts damage, the support powerhouse of the early, mid, and modern game, throughout the years: Saria.
I make the specific comparison with Exusiai because eventually, the zeitgeist would change: Ash, from the R6S collab, made waves because she was strong, but also because it seemed like she'd steal away Exusiai's place as the Fast Shooter DPS Wrecker Supreme. Time would go on to prove that, no, she would not do that, because Ash is more of a Burst damage unit compared to Exusiai, with immense damage tied to a shorter window and the Stun condition, while Exusiai's DPS window isn't contingent on anything except "Does she do real damage or chip damage". But that was an early sign of things to come: Upstaging.
The initial fears of very strong units had more to do with "this unit is powercreeping an older unit" more than anything. Powercreep is inevitable, doubly so in gacha games where they gotta sell you the PNGs one way or another, and I'll always argue that Arknights has been incredibly good with handling powercreep compared to its peers (and just, as a game in general), but again, it's inevitable, so you end up with situations like Degenbrecher existing and Doctor Manhattan Exploding Ch'en and Irene right into niche uses (Ch'en nowadays being at her best as a support sub-DPS with her Module allowing for great party Offensive/Defensive SP charging, while Irene still has her powerful S1/S2/S1 loop combo with Dorothy) or, you know, Texas the Pale and Yato In A Fur Bikini completely obliterating Phantom out of the face of Terra.
All of this, in my opinion and perception, holds true nowadays: When a unit of a new archetype or playstyle releases and they are very strong, you only hear few people complaining about them being very strong, but when a unit could possibly powercreep an older unit, especially an older favorite, that number increases exponentially. Of course, creatures like Wisadel, Degenbrecher, and Ling exist, which blow other units out of the water entirely, and you've also had units like Surtr or Mlynar who aren't really directly powercreeping any specific units as much as powercreeping entire roles and concepts.
Arknights also does have more content creators now, which I also think worsens matters because they have an obligation and a blood oath to the algorithm to always make a video that goes something like "NEW OPERATOR EXTREMELY BROKEN?????" with a crappy clickbait thumbnail and since [GRUMP ALERT] most Arknights players hate thinking for themselves and love looking at The Content Creator to form their opinions on whether Unit Is Strong Or Not [/GRUMP ALERT], these sentiments, whether legitimate or not, tend to flare up more often. By the way, that's also not a good idea, because everyone thought Gnosis was an easy skip back when he released, and then it turned out Gnosis was cracked, and a shitload of CN players regretted not rolling for him, so hey, sometimes this does result in pretty funny things to occur, as it were.
But yeah, this has been a little retrospective of the zeitgeist throughout the years.
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My overall thoughts on Apology Tour (It's actually an 10/10 episode) and an in depth analysis of the episode.
The scene at the start was so fucking good, starts to place the seeds of doubt with Blitz, he almosts gets the point at the start multiple times before backtracking on that instantly, glad the harvest moon festival assassination attempt was brought up, I cannot wait for that to be mentioned again.
And then we get to the apology list, Blitz being in incredible denial about WHY people hate him and think a simple sorry will fix everything, this gets brought up later as well with Stolas fucking chatting shit to Blitz for it, which Blitz needed to hear so badly.
Then we get to Stolas pre song, he really doesn't want to shittalk Blitz, proof that Stolas still cares for Blitz, showing us that Stolitz still has a really strong chance of healing and coming back together with the power of healthy communication.
And then we get to the song, holy fucking shit it is top tier, it's a banger and talks about all the problems they have, how Stolas doesn't want to hurt Blitz, how he's hurt Stolas, with lines like 'I don't think you meant to hurt me' and a massive self reflection on Stolas' part as well. Making it damn well clear to Stolas what he wants, needs and the problems in their relationships, making communication about it later so much easier, POP THE FUCK OFF MY PRINCE. 'I don't think it meant anything at all'. This just shows one key flaw with Stolitz, based on Blitz's reaction in the full moon episode, Stolas now thinks that Blitz entirely never cared for him, something that Blitz HAS to address, eventually they'll get to that point but for now, Stolas is just singing his heart and true emotions out, playing all of his cards on the table for Blitz to see.
Then we get to this part, drunk Stolas and Blitz talking, Blitz actually talks about things properly to Stolas for once, and Stolas calls Blitz out on his bullshit constantly, which I love, because it will force Blitz to go over everything he's mentioned, allowing for actual healthy communication in the future between those two WHICH I FUCKING LOVE SO MUCH. Blitz gets a few issues off his chest during the whole part as well, which, while we're not fully there yet, will also cause Stolas to reflect on a lot of shit as well. FORCING BLITZ TO REALISE WHY SO MANY PEOPLE HATE HIM, AS STOLAS POINTS OUT WITH THE EXISTANCE OF THE PARTY. BOTH OF THEM ARE GOING THROUGH SO MANY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW AND I LIVE AND DIE FOR IT.
This face, this fucking face. It's finally snaps for Blitz about how he's fucked up so much, what he has to do better all that shit, BLITZ WILL HAVE A MAJOR SELF REFLECTION EPISODE, AND THIS FACE PROVES IT, HE KNOWS WHAT STOLAS WANTS, AND HE'S DAMN WELL GOING TO LET STOLAS HAVE IT.
The way Blitz just, let's him have this dance and eventual fuck with this guy, it proves he's learning, he's not being defensive, he's just letting it play on regardless of how hurt he is, as stated later, it starts with just letting Stolas have this moment, to truly feel happy again, which shows he's putting Stolas' feelings first, and being a good person, which will help him communicate better to Stolas in the future, BECAUSE BLITZ IS LEARNING.
Blitz starts with denial, his trademark defense tactic, trying to shift the blame off himself and onto everyone else, and Verosika putting Blitz in his fucking place, he needs to hear about how he hurt her, about WHY the party exists in the first place, without him realising both of those things Blitz cannot heal, which is what Verosika is trying to get him to realise, how he can hurt people, which with how Blitz slowly gets down and changes his emotions as you can see on his face, Blitz fucking gets it, he's starting to learn to be a better person, to be able to be loved back, to be the person Stolas deserves, to be better for himself.
'I don't want to be this way, not forever.' With the context, this line hits so fucking hard, like a truck. Blitz is actually learning from his mistakes, with her, and Stolas being the two major points, Blitz is going to start an arc to face everything that's haunting him, to get over his problems, face them all, to be the better man for the person Blitz truly loves, Stolas. Everything has undeniably been realised for Blitz, and there's no going back for him, he will learn from his mistakes, and Stolitz can finally be back better, once that healing and mutual communication has been completed.
Stolas looks genuinely happy, like he's found someone, someone to help him through his troubles, to be someone Stolas needs in his life during this point in time. And you know what Blitz does? While he's still clearly hurt and disgusted, he lets Stolas have this moment, to be happy, proving on some level that he does deeply care for Stolas, sure Blitz does that really angry for a moment, but Verosika levels Blitz out with this line 'It just starts with saying, good for him, hope he gets laid.' He quickly simmers down the anger from that encounter, on better talking terms with Verosika, realising what he has to do now (just letting Stolas have this moment) and what to do in the future.
Sure Blitz is mostly angry and upset at the moment, but this starts an arc with Blitz, one of learning and understanding things that he needs to fix to ever be back with Stolas, he cannot deny anything any more for long, Blitz has flown right into the emotional core of everything and he will reflect on it, learn from it. To not be how he was, not forever. To be better for himself, to be better for his lover, Stolas. It's clear that Stolas still has feelings for Blitz, as the song and drunken talk they had shows. Stolitz will come back, not soon. But they will be. We've entered the arc where both Blitz and Stolas heal themselves, eventually being back on actual healthy communicating terms. Both of them don't want to be the ways they were. Not forever.
tldr, I've gone in depth about the episode, why I think it's amazing writing, and where Stolitz goes in the future. THEY WILL BE HAPPY EVENTUALLY. This is easily my new favourite episode, the best of the best, and I only pray that Vivzie can keep this train of amazing storytelling going.
#helluva boss#stolas#stoliz#blitzo#blitzø#stolitz#helluva boss apology tour#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss verosika#verosika mayday#hb verosika
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the fandom may not be ready for it but I Am. thinking how Ellen and Benny (as a black woman and queer man respectively) were the ones that had their sexuality specifically targeted and distorted ansd it’s simmering in my brain… would love your dissertation on it. what happened to them both feels so especially horrific and it needs to be discussed without the whole jokey tone taken on specifically for Benny’s case. maybw that’s why they appear to be close even through Ted’s constant unreliable pov since they both share a deeply personal and violating experience in relation to who they are that the others wouldn’t understand.
hoo boy. exhales. cracks knuckles.
ill start off like this
both ellen and benny have it the worst when it comes to the survivors alterations , not ted. ( EVERYONE BOOS ) as well as the fact that AM "hating everyone equally" is simply. a lie. and they're proof of that. its insane to me that , while picking apart everyone's personalities , their flaws , what makes them tick. AM specifically chose to mangle and dehumanize the only queer man , outwardly made him look like some sex-pest brute , and then stripped him of his identity in one fell swoop. As well as reduce the only black person and the only WOMAN to the overly emotional , hysterical , whore.
it’s incredibly fascinating to me that AM not only reduced them both to the incredibly harmful stereotypes ALREADY forced upon them by the society he turned to rubble with the flip of a switch. But also stripped them of their ability to even express themselves within , and outside of those parts of their identities. I imagine that's why they are seen to be the closest ( element of their characters that i really hated being taken away in the game. benny would not have called ellen an idiot for being scared he wouldn't he wouldn't STOP )
I can’t help but imagine that the only reason benny would have “complied” or at least pretend to comply with the system the other men likely set up with ellen is to. shield himself , create a false narrative and hide the fact that he was gay to protect himself. which, is sadly incredibly accurate to how queer people in the real world often mask their identities to survive. having to conceal a part of themself that they can't change. its also worthy to note that while benny was able to mask , ellen can't just. cover up the fact shes a black woman , she cant hide or run away or deny what she is. and in her situation , she also can't run away from the consequences that come from. Merely existing. “Wrong.” and cant shield herself from the grief and mental strain that comes with that kind of dehumanization by avoiding the elephant in the room all together.
in my head, ellen and benny didn’t start off. Actually having sexual encounters. i imagine benny tried to get into it the first time , and ultimately was uncomfortable. only to be slapped in the face with the notion of ellen. also being uncomfortable. and still feeling as though it couldn't be avoided. Both of them having this kind of “I only agreed to this because i thought it was what you wanted.” mentality. and actually becoming attached to each other as a result. without the mental burden of thinking that the other only views them as a sexual object
yknow
only to have that all swept from under their feet by AM.
seeing ellen wiping spittle from his mouth and holding his hand and trying to make sure hes safe is genuinely kind of heart wrenching when you think of it from less of a "oh shes the nicest of course shes doing that" and more of her. trying to keep the last scraps of her friendship with the only man who actually cared for her outside of what she can offer him alive , scraping and clawing to stay attached to what used to be her only equal. man.
also about that joke tone thing.
and i hate to talk about ted for more than 5 seconds in a rant that isn't about him. but ill be honest.
people not liking benny as much as they do ted is because they cant sexualize bennys homosexuality the way they do with teds "homosexuality" ( only projected onto him because hes the only one of the five that can be perceived as a "twink" because hes a thinner man. ) because hes not conventionally attractive. in fact its a part of his CHARACTER that hes no longer attractive. and that his sexuality is something genuinely implemented into his character. so they can't be as easily weird in THAT way with benny as they are with ted.
so in turn, they make jokes about him being violated. and dehumanized. guys don't you get it. his weiner is big. laugh guys.
also people genuinely erasing a lot of ted's genuine misogyny in favor of him being the token girlboss gay guy is. i feel like calling genuinely misogynistic men gay is also a problem and. ted is the result of that problem. no he's not gay he just hates women. there is a big difference between not being attracted to women and wanting to see them suffer because they don't "know their place"
TLDR ; benny and ellen IMA GET YOU OUTTA THERE.
#ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#ellen ihnmaims#ihnmaims ellen#ellen i have no mouth and i must scream#i have no mouth and i must scream ellen#ted ihnmaims#ihnmaims ted#benny i have no mouth and i must scream#benny ihnmaims#ihnmaims benny
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