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kuno-chan · 6 years ago

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Sides of the Moon - Ch. 15, To Sweetly Hold

Summary: Runaan and his team of assassins discovers that Rayla has defied him. Again. But when they find her, she’s bleeding out in the woods with precious cargo under her arm and face to face with the princes of Katolis running away from their own castle. They find that, upon this meeting, the die has already been cast.

Rating: T

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Rayla never knew there was a difference between rich people, nobles and excessively rich people.

Rich people talked about themselves.

Nobles talked about politics.

Excessively rich people talked about themselves and how much money they were making. These were usually merchant lords and self-made men who, apparently, needed to make up for whatever they lacked in those confounded coins humans loved so much. These people seemed to love said coins more than they loved themselves.

Many, many of the people here at the ball qualified as excessively rich people.

Callum gained his royal status through his mother’s marriage. Privilege and luxury were things he grew up with, but largely from his station and by who his mother married. Then again, Rayla knew little about his life before his mother married the king. He never mentioned a father outside of his stepfather and made no indication he even remembered much of his life before living in the castle.

But, apparently, life in the castle was different than here because he had none of the ego or the haughtiness of some of these people.

Lord Yervin had been well enough, she supposed. He talked mainly about battle tactics and sword fighting techniques. All things she could relate to but did her best to keep under wraps. Regardless of Eveline’s apparent skill with a sword, there was no need to raise suspicions about Rayla’s identity.

So, simple girl from a trading village she was.

Callum had the lion’s share of the work. She only needed to stand there and look interesting. And interested. He was expected to actually talk to these people.

Truth be told, Rayla was not the best at listening to people for an extended period of time. She was definitely more of a girl of action and Runaan always adjusted his teachings to accommodate. Thankfully, he also was more inclined to do than to talk; it was his way to get through to her.

Once they hit their fourth or so lady and lord, Rayla started tuning out after a few minutes of general discussions. Somehow, Callum could tell when she was drifting. He would shift the position of his hands, from giving her his arm to putting a hand on her back. Then would repeat the motion after another few minutes. The first time he did this, she glanced at him, but he only gave her a quick look and flashed a smile.

She straightened up just in time for Lord… Meron was his name? He turned around and shuffled away after what felt like an extended bid farewell.

Lady Eveline had them moving on to a woman who wore more jewels than Rayla had ever seen in her life.

“People do this on their own free will?” Rayla murmured when she felt Callum put a hand on her waist, his arm resting at her back.

He squeezed lightly. “It’s been maybe thirty minutes.”

“Wow, only half an hour and I already want to chew my own foot off.” Callum snorted. She glanced up at Callisto’s shadow. No movements. They hadn’t found it. “Do all these people want to talk to you?”

“Kind of. They care more about what they think I can do for them, usually. Nobility always tries to climb the social ladder.”

“Sounds like a fun time.” She could understand it, at least. It wasn’t that much different from certain groups of people back home. Humans were just… smarmier about it. She smirked. “How come you aren’t like these rich people, hm?”

She let him guide her along as he frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you rich? You are a prince.”

Callum shrugged. “I guess. More like step-prince. Aside from having people just get me things when I want them, my life I guess is… normal? I don’t know. My stepdad never really made us believe we were any different from anyone else.”

“He sounds like a good father.” She kept her voice low.

His smile was sadder than before. “He was.”

Another half an hour went by and Rayla decided that Lady Cynan was her least favorite. She talked endlessly, largely about her businesses and her diamond mines in Del Bar.

“Lady Cynan is a busy woman. Don’t mind her. She comes from a family of jewelry merchants and likes to discuss business proposals when she can.” Lord Gallias turned to them, shaking his head. “Might you two be thirsty?”

“The wine sounds nice right about now,” Rayla said before she could stop herself. Callum elbowed her a little.

Lord Gallias laughed. “I feel the exact same way after a round with her.” He flagged down one of the servants. Rayla took a water, instead. “Might you excuse me for but a moment? I have to find my wife. She seems to have disappeared.”

He excused himself and Callum turned to Rayla. She shrugged.

“Well, that was subtle.” He made a face at her. “Aren’t you supposed to be the discreet one here?”

“But if I don’t say anything, he’ll just think I’ve got no personality.” He just stared at her for half a second, then rolled his eyes and rubbed his brow. She sighed, swirling her water in her goblet. “Fine, I’m sorry. I’m just… bored. And they all look like they want a piece of us.”

Of me, she said to herself. She figured she didn’t have to clarify who or what exactly she meant by they. Apparently, she didn’t have to say it at all.

He lowered his voice and got so close she could feel his breath. “I know you’re nervous.” He said gently. “But you can do this. Only a little longer.”

“It’s silly, you know,” she said, sipping her water with him so close to her ear. “I shouldn’t be scared. Humans aren’t so bad. At least, not the way Runaan made it seem sometimes.”

And, yet, she couldn’t help but remember who was surrounding her.

“He really does hate humans, doesn’t he?”

She knew what it looked like, Callum so close to her, his hand on her waist and his mouth near her ear. She tried to smile at him. “He’s seen a lot of things.”

He didn’t comment on that much further. “So have you. You’ve got this. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

Rayla smiled at him this time in spite of herself. She let out a noise of dismissive confidence, setting aside her drink on a nearby table. “You’re right.” His brightened expression raised her spirits. “We just need to survive a while longer. Let’s do this.”

“Good, because here comes Lord Gallias.”

“I’ve realized that some of my other guests are also here to speak with me and I certainly can’t be a bad host.” Gallias said. “Why don’t you two mingle with the crowd? The night is young, after all. I shall catch up with you after I’ve gone to make a few proposals myself.”

He bowed short and Callum hadn’t even the chance to stop him before he disappeared into the crowd. They watched him make his way to a tall, spindly man who dressed just as splendidly as everyone else; the spindly man walked with Lord Gallias in a grace that reminded Rayla of an imitation more than a genuine gait. Lady Eveline had disappeared, too, now that they were looking.

“Oh no, what are we going to do now?” Rayla whispered.

“He’s not going anywhere, yet,” Callum reassured. They both glanced upward. Callisto made some kind of gesture and Callum translated, “They haven’t found it yet. They need more time.”

“We won’t be able to stalk him without looking suspicious. There are too many people looking at us.”

“I know, I know. We just have to figure out a way to keep his attention down here…”

“Well, unless people start dancing, I don’t see how that’s going to happen.” Callum looked at her and stared for a long moment. She narrowed her eyes at him. “What is it?”

“I think you’re onto something. Wait here.”

-:-:-:-:-

“We’ve cleared the west wing, but there’s nothing. Andromeda and Skor are going through the east wing and Runaan’s going through the west again.” Ram’s head popped up from the opening in the roof. “How’s it going down there?”

Callisto’s eyes were trained on the red and black figure, weaving and bobbing through the crowd; moving toward the musicians near the front of the room. Callum had Callisto splitting his attention between him and Rayla, left alone in the middle of the crowd.

Her nerves would have her standing there, fidgeting with her hands, attempting to appear normal in this sea of humans who thought her one of them. Runaan wouldn’t admit it, but Callisto knew it made him nervous to put her in this situation; not only defenseless, but at somewhat of a disadvantage. That dress made her fit in very well, but it certainly did her no favors if she had to end a fight.

In this, they were relying on Callum’s brain. And him being human.

Runaan may never say it, but he was squarely placing Rayla’s general protection on the boy’s shoulders.

“Where is he going?” Callisto whispered more to himself than Ram.

He felt Ram climb up onto the roof and look down. “Is he leaving her there?”

“He’s human, not stupid.”

Although sometimes that notion was one and the same.

“Then where is he going?”

“We’ll have to see.” Alright, now Callum was heading back to Rayla. “Report back. Runaan wanted regular updates.”

-:-:-:-

“Dance with me.”

“What?” Rayla caught herself, then whispered furiously at him. “I thought you didn’t know how to dance!”

He took her by the hand and led her toward the open floor as the music stopped. “I don’t, but my parents used to dance to this. It’s the only one I know.”

Most people at these things didn’t -- wouldn’t -- dance until someone found the courage to start. Sometimes, that person was his stepdad. Granted, it happened much less often after his mother died.

Still, he remembered some of the steps. Enough, he hoped, to keep the crowd rather captivated. The throng quieted down when Prince Callum and his mystery Lady Rayla, stepped into the center of attention. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Lord Gallias and Lady Eveline sidling up together to watch as well.

Rayla, for her part, didn’t argue after that. In her eyes he could see she understood. She let him pull her close, one hand on her back and the other lifting her hand in the air. He gestured for her to grip his shoulder.

She obliged just as he could hear the musicians starting up.

“Follow my lead.”

The music hummed to life. It was slightly unconventional for this kind of occasion, but he knew it by heart.

It was a lull. A rise. A solemn call that had Callum moving his feet. Rayla followed, spinning with him in a slow arc across the floor. They drifted to and from the crowd, now completely enraptured in their dance .

In the hum of the music, Callum could hear the life of the song itself underneath.

Promise me.

He let it take him and glide him where he needed to go, Rayla a solid weight under his touch. She was as nervous as he was but easing as the music took hold. For a moment, he forgot this was only a show.

Feeling the music about to change tempo, he prepared to move with it.

Eternity.

Then, he felt Rayla’s touch leaving his. The note of the music drawn out and rising with a lovesickness to the air, she spun out slowly, slowly and dipped in a form of curtsy, her skirts fanning the floor around her.

Callum frowned. He caught her little smile.

What was she doing?

She walked across from him, along a path which might have led to his back if he hadn’t walked with her. Her gestures were mockingly coy and that smirk.

Callum blinked. He narrowed his eyes in a way that spelled amusement when he realized what she was up to.

She was playing.

They walked in a circle with the tempo of the music, more than an arm’s length from each other and the slightest, casual bounce in their step.

She rolled her shoulders in a mock demure manner, somehow still teasing in a way only Rayla could. He humored her.

He danced with her.

Your arms.

The music shifted again. They twisted on their heels. He didn’t know how she knew or how he knew she knew as they began walking in opposite directions, retracing that circle between them, but not without Callum dipping in to take her hand from across the gap.

A token of his participation.

They were a bit closer now, but still at arm’s length, Callum holding her hand in his.

And even with all of that, it was nothing compared to her eyes. The way she looked at him outshone any jewel in the golden glow of the chandeliers, or any beauty that dress she wore boasted.

He squeezed her hand.

Stay.

The melody drifted into the next and they twisted again.

They only need share a look and both of them stepped in, crossing forearms in a way that had Callum resisting the urge to reach out and brush her hair behind her ear.

She smiled at him. A smirk or a smile. A cross in-between. It didn’t matter. The artist in him couldn’t stop taking her in. Every detail and curve of her face.

Your hand.

That smile curved a bit more. Definitely a smirk.

The music hit a point in which he didn’t want to turn away from her anymore.

Near me.

Callum stepped next to her, side to side, their hips and waists finally touching. She put her arms down, resting against her dress. Callum found his arm across the front of her body, his hand on her waist.

Her nose was nearly touching his.

He dragged his gaze from her eyes to her mouth.

He had to draw her face. Yes.

This was what flowed through his mind as his eyes followed the intoxicating curve of her lips and nearly forget the rise and fall of his own chest.

The music picked up tempo for its finale. Callum guided Rayla back to him as she slid back to her original position. Her hand graced his shoulder and his hand never left her as it slid to her back. They intertwined their leftover fingers together.

And they danced.

In a larger circle, to the crowd, from the crowd, Rayla’s skirts bouncing and flowing as their feet found the melody. They smiled and Callum even found the courage to twist her, spinning her in white and gold.

Callum lost himself in her. The laughter in her eyes. Her happiness. Had he ever truly seen her happy? It’d only been a couple weeks, but he felt like he’d known her forever. As long as he had known Claudia, even. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was her, but gliding across the room with her, like this, felt right.

Felt better than his life had in a while. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure he ever felt like this before.

The music reached it’s descension, and they slowed their spinning, the hum of the song nothing but an entrancing invitation back to her and the center she had somehow become in the past few minutes. Minutes imitating eternity.

The final note faded out and their spinning followed, resting into their original position. Her lips twitched into a smile. He forgot to breathe again.

And the crowd cheered.

Callum blinked and looked around. Rayla seemed to remember them, too, and seemed about as red as his suit. They could see Lord Gallias and Lady Eveline together clapping and looking at them admirably. In fact, everyone seemed to be pleasantly surprised and delighted at their dance. Truth be told, Callum was surprised himself.

The music started up again and other couples joined in on the floor, including their targets of the night.

Callum breathed a sigh of relief. Perfect.

He hadn’t let go of Rayla’s hand as the dance ended. He glanced up as they moved out of the way. Callisto was signing.

Perfect .

Rayla hooked herself on his arm again, her fingers tightly interlaced in his. He could feel the tension in her body loosen as they swept out an entrance, away from the ballroom and the center of attention.

“Did they find it?” Her voice was in his ear.

“Yeah, they did. We’re leaving.” Let the patrons who saw them leaving in such a flurry have their own ideas, judging by their expressions, about where and why the two were leaving. It would be just the alibi they needed.

-:-:-:-

Outside, the streets were still busy, but she could breathe. It was better than being stuffed in that room with all those… people. She shook her head. Humans weren't bad. They weren’t the way Runaan had made it seem, sometimes, growing up. Rayla wasn’t particularly keen on most of the people she had met tonight, but most of them at least seemed to have some good in them. They were people. Not the monsters she’d come to have a distaste for.

Not all of them, at least.

“Feeling better?”

They tried to keep it cool. Still appear normal as they strolled away from the palace. Callum hadn’t let go of her arms or her fingers and she hadn’t bothered to release them just yet . She only breathed. “Yeah. It was a bit much in there,” she said. “You don’t think they’ll be suspicious of us leaving so soon?”

“We were there for about an hour. That’s long enough and I think they’ll fill in the blanks about where we went off to afterwards. They’ll just tell Lord Gallias we went off for some midnight stroll. Which is technically the truth.”

“Oh… I guess,” was all she could a manage. She didn’t bother questioning it.

“Where do you want to go next?” he asked, looking more to the stars than at her.

Now, Rayla stopped in her tracks, shaking her head slightly. “Uh, back to the inn? Remember? That was the plan, wasn’t it?”

“Well, yeah,” he said, shrugging awkwardly. “But it’s still kind of early. And you haven’t seen this side of Meraxia, yet. I could show you. If you wanted me to.”

Now, she let him release her from his grip, but not entirely. He still hung onto her hand even as she pulled away from him. They were almost at arm’s length now, her hand held out to him as if he wouldn’t let go until he got some sign that she actually, truly wanted him to. She rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. “We should be getting back,” she said quietly. Weakly. Unconvincingly. Even her body betrayed her words as she took a step toward him.

“Come on. Run away with me for the hour.”

Her resolve was crumbling. “Callum.”

It was a poor excuse of an admonishment.

He didn’t let go. Neither did she pull her hand from his, but she knew that if she had said no, and meant it, he would would have let go and they would have gone back to the inn. But he was waiting for her answer. He would do whatever her heart desired.

She didn’t try to hide her smile. “I hope you have something good to show me.”

His grin was bright as he pulled her along with him through the streets. “You’ll love it.”

-:-:-:-

The streets of Meraxia were cobblestone under her feet, hard and cool as Callum lead Rayla to their mystery destination. They didn’t hold hands or walk arm in arm like before, but it was comfortable and pleasant, really, despite that. The vendors on the streets sold wonderful goodies from pastries to little trinkets.

“It gets busy because of the celebration. So, there’s all kinds of things for sale out here.” Callum explained, biting into a pastry. It was cream filled. Lemon, maybe? “Good, isn’t it?”

Rayla licked the crumbs off her lips. “Mmhm. What’s in it?”

“Cream. Kind of like vanilla cream, but I think this is lemon.”

“Well, as delicious as this is, it can’t be the thing you wanted to show me. Remember? The thing I’ll love,” she said, teasing him more than anything. “It better be amazing or I’ll be disappointed.”

She wondered if he took it to heart, judging by the quick flicker of some perceivable nerves. He took her hand. “It’s just up this way.”

They were on the outskirts of the city now. At least, it seemed like they were, but at the same time it was all remarkably close. They wandered past a few buildings and up a neatly tended path with rose bushes of every color. The street lamps planted along the corners and pathways became the only light, with the moon serving them the rest of the way.

Rayla could smell the roses, the city feeling much farther away as they climbed a hill. They didn’t talk much, and after some time, the city noises died around them and she realized the crickets were their main attendees now.

They followed the stone path until they crested the hill, a single bench amidst the rose garden and statues, with a lone fountain sitting at the center of it all.

Before she could even open her mouth to admire it all, Callum put up a finger. “That’s not the amazing part.”

She let him lead her to the bench and turned her around.

The city glowed.

The firelight, canals and the water all lit by the life of the city, and here they were overlooking it all. From this high up, the view was panoramic. Enticing and entrancing. It was bright and beautiful with an amber glow which would have taken time immemorial to paint.

A city alive in all its beauty. All its glory.

“Wow…” she breathed.

Callum squeezed her hand lightly. “Yeah… amazing enough for you?”

She didn’t even look at him, her eyes transfixed on the view. “It’ll do, I guess.”

He laughed. She felt him sit down on the bench behind them, leaving her to ogle at the view of the city. “Human cities really aren’t so bad now, huh?”

She broke her stare to look at him smiling or smirking -- she didn’t know. Tucking her dress beneath her, she took a seat next to him, her gaze drawn between him and he view. “How did you find this place?”

“My parents found it when I was really young. I would come here and admire the roses while they had some time to themselves.”

“Oh?” she asked.

“Yeah. We just came here to relax and get away from it all.”

“It’s lovely.”

She meant it. Xadia boasted some of the most beautiful places she would ever see in her life, but there was something about this place that was… simple. Magical. The glow of the city stark yet gentle against the dark of the night.

They looked at each other and his gaze flickered between her and the ground. He leaned back and rested on the palms of his hands. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you like it though? I know it’s probably not the most brilliant thing you’ve ever seen, being from Xadia and all, but I though--”

“It’s good,” Rayla said. She smiled warmly at him and looked out again. “It’s beautiful. I… it’s just so peaceful here. And pretty. I’ve never been somewhere like this before. I wish I could come here whenever I wanted.”

When her gaze settled on him again, he blinked then returned her smile. “So do I. It’s…”

“It’s nice,” she finished for him. “I wish we could stay here forever.”

From the look on his face, he agreed. There was a mix of emotions. Perhaps some sorrow, but also maybe something content, something happy. She scooted next to him and wrapped an arm around his, holding it to her. Her thumb rubbed the fabric of his suit jacket. They stayed like this for a little while.

He broke the silence. “Do you want to dance?”

“I thought you didn’t know how to dance?” It was a somewhat empty question.

“I think I can make something up,” he spoke quietly, his voice just between the two of them.

“There’s no music.” Her voice lowered to nearly a whisper.

“I don’t think we need it.”

They both rose, trying their hardest not to be awkward and, yet, there was no need. After a moment of waiting to see what the other might do, Callum moved around her, the light of the city at their backs and found both her hands with his.

He moved her, his body her guide as she followed the slide of his steps. There was no need for words. Only a glance over her shoulder to let him know she could feel his next move. The shadow of his face did nothing to dim the illumination in his eyes, and his smile, the amber glow awash in his hair and against his features. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her.

He brought her hand over her head and spun her around. She laughed, and he followed, her dress whispering against the stones

-:-:-:-

It said enough when Rayla hadn’t realized he was there. Callisto rubbed his face, perched on top of a statue a mere hundred feet away.

She hadn’t seen him, and she hadn’t even suspected or sensed him. He didn’t expect Callum to, not at all, but Rayla… she was better than this. Callisto hadn’t even tried to conceal himself very well.

He suppressed a groan, muttering, “Please, don’t make this an issue I get to deal with.”

He snuck off into the night with no intention whatsoever of being the one to tell Runaan. Not tonight.

With prayers, perhaps, this would pass.

Woo, I'm glad this is finally out. It's a big turning point for Rayla and Callum and I can't wait for people to kind of feel how things evolve with them from here on out. Thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday. It means a lot!

Things get real from here on out. And I can't wait for you guys to see what I mean in the next coming chapters. It's about to get real complex here. I was going to address a thing here but I want to see how you guys respond in the next few chapters. I do want to say though that Rayla and Callum have long journies ahead of them. This story is a lot about how you deal with things when the lines (that weren't really crossed in canon) have been crossed because of the different experiences and specific actions and timing of those actions they have experienced. Rayla is an assassin dealing with, well, being an assassin and all the consequences and things that come with that. And Callum has a very long journey ahead of him. Very grey, nuanced and complicated issues that we will be dealing with head on as this story progresses. I plan for this story to be like 2-3 parts in and of itself so please keep that in mind! We got a LONG way to go.

Also, the specific one I was thinking of is the one by Peter Hollens by the way for everyone who gets what I mean by that.

As always, guys I love it when you guys leave those reviews. They really keep me going and keep me motivated! Thank you for reading! Tune in for next chapter!

#rayllum #the dragon prince #rayla #callum #tdp #i need to be doing these again and posting them here more faithfull ^^;#the latest chapter that I had posted

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oraclekleo · 3 years ago

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Jung Yunho (TVXQ) Relationship Role Analysis based on Tarot Reading

Hello and welcome!

I’m Kleo and I’m here to present some k-pop related tarot readings to you.

Disclaimer:

I would like to state that all these readings have a purely entertainment nature and their purpose is to bring some fun into my and hopefully yours lives. I have never ever met any of the idols / actors / celebrities in my readings, I don’t know them personally. Tarot reading isn’t an exact science and I can never guarantee any of it. Most of it is my intuition mixed with fantasy. Don’t take these readings seriously and don’t base any important decisions on tarot readings only, use your common sense.

If you wish to request a tarot reading, please read the pinned post on my profile first to see the instructions on how to request. I only do readings for idols / actors / celebrities of 18 years of age or older. Requests for readings including younger people will be automatically dismissed. If you feel uncomfortable with these tarot readings, do not engage in reading my posts. Thank you for understanding.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Deck: E. A. Poe

Spread: Relationship Role

Questions:

Friend

Boyfriend

Lover

Husband

One-Night-Stand

Full Name: Jung Yunho

Stage Name: U-Know / Yunho

Group: TVXQ / Tohoshinki / Solo

Jung Yunho

Yunho / U-Know (TVXQ / Tohoshinki / Solo)

Spread: Relationship Role

Deck: Poe

Friend - Ace of Swords, 5 of Swords

Yunho is a loyal, pragmatic and smart friend to have. He’s reliable and always full of ideas and wisdom, he’s highly moral and with a clear vision of how the world should spin around. However, as much as he’s an excellent ally to have your back, he’s a rather fierceful foe. His razor sharp instinct can spot any kind of lie, disguise or manipulation. His friendship is hard to gain and once he judges someone unworthy and expels them, coming back is impossible. Trust once lost is lost forever.

Boyfriend - 6 of Wands, Ace of Pentacles

Yunho might become a rather demanding boyfriend. He’s in the spotlight and that comes with a certain status and reputation. His partner needs to be aware of that. Yunho seeks a mature and representative partner to stay by his side. He will not take any humiliation in public. He’s generous with money and will insist on dating in the most exclusive locations, going for lavish vacations and enjoying the best the life can offer.

Lover - Ace of Wands, 9 of Swords

Yunho might take his time to actually escalate the relationship to the physical level. He probably had some bad experience in the past and it’s still haunting him. He needs to first get to know his lover properly, make sure they can be trusted. Once he’s sure about that, he becomes a very passionate and powerful lover with flaming creativity. He’s inventive and confident, he’s likely an avid kisser, he especially enjoys the deep all consuming kisses escalating into heated make out sessions and further into the night full of passion.

Husband - X The Wheel of Fortune, 3 of Cups

Husband Yunho is the true companion for life. Nothing can sway him, he’s deeply faithfull and will be there for his spouse through thick and thin, in both good and bad till death makes them apart. Marriage is an institution Yunho would find true happiness in. It’s not easy for him to take that step but once he actually finds the partner for life, he will be happy in the marriage.

One-Night-Stand - 6 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords

Yunho is a highly moral person. The mere thought of a one night stand seems shameful to him. He’s likely to judge anyone who would express some sort of sympathies to random affairs. He’s not likely to have a one night stand but if it does happen, it’s likely in some sort of an erratic state, a temporal eclipse of his mind, more likely initiated by the other person. Afterwards he would add the experience to the list of life mistakes and never talk about it again.

Thank you for reading!

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quacka-quacka · 4 years ago

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I mentioned Paul's strong resistance to being recognized as effeminate man or gay (here). Although he can hang out with gay guys, wear rainbow flag in public [yeah I definitely need to write that again in case someone didn't see it], being considered gay or "cute" is beyond endurance. I know someone love to interpret this as "don't want to his sexuality being mislabeled", which indeed looks sensible when it comes to the homosexuality, but this excuse can't be applied to the "cute" thing, right? You can't say being cute or feminine is the same thing as being gay, can you? Well, I can hear Paul's every single cell screaming O!M!G! Feminine! all the time. He doesn't want himself have anything to do with feminine, which, unfortunately can not be simply regarded as personal preference, it's indeed a despising of femininity, and femininity? Of course it's about female. Yes, "phallicism", the worship of masculine are still popular in today's society, but it doesn't mean it's right. I have to say Paul's thought is the product of this society, not to mention that he is an old man who grow up in a working-class family six decades ago, we can't demand him that much. His attitude towards women is the same thing.

PAUL: We were more amazed to see the [Japanese] women leaping up out of the seats for the promoter, because we'd never seen that in the West. The subservience of the women was amazing. They'd say, 'Oh God, I'm sorry - was I in your seat?' I remember us getting back to Britain and saying to our wives and girlfriends, 'I wouldn't want you to do that, but maybe it's a direction worth considering?' Promptly rejected.

— The Beatles Anthology

Although Paul seems to know that it's pretty cool for a woman to pursue her own career, like admitting Jane was famous before he was, allowing Linda to write a cookbook or have a photography exhibition, the androcentrism is too ingrained for him to forsake. He acknowledged Jane's achievements but still wanted her to give up work completely:

'I always wanted to beat Jane down,' says Paul. 'I wanted her to give up work completely.'

'I refused. I've been brought up to be always doing something. And I enjoy acting. I didn't want to give that up.'

— Hunter Davies, The Beatles

He allowed Linda to do her own thing, but they are not entirely hers - all those projects are belong to MPL, and do not forget Paul said this after Linda's death:

She never did anything on her own because we were together so much.

— Paul McCartney, interview w/ Chrissie Henderson for USA Week-end: Tears and laughter. (October 30, 1998)

That's so sweet to see Paul would support his wife any time, but on the other hand it also shows that Linda never get the chance to do something entirely on her own without Paul's interference after she got married. No wonder so many people from inner circle [including Linda, yeah] described Paul as "typical Northerner":

Linda confided that Paul was a ‘typical Northerner’ who believed women should stay at home while men worked.

— Bonnie Estridge, The Mail on Sunday. (March 20th, 2005)

Paul was raised the old-fashioned way. Men were the breadwinners; women stayed at home, had babies and tea on the table. He's still an old-fashioned guy, very careful with money.

— Ruth McCartney

Like the other Beatles, he [Paul] was essentially an old fashioned Liverpool man, who wanted his woman tucked away at home cooking the dinner and minding the kids.

— Cynthia Lennon, John

Jane was a serious actress and wanted to continue her career, but Paul had other ideas. That’s why Linda was so perfect for Paul; she was just what he wanted, an old-fashioned Liverpool wife who was completely devoted to her husband.

— Marianne Faithfull, Memories, Dreams and Reflections

I'd say Paul was not that old-fashioned, at least he allowed his wife to do other things besides being a full-time nanny, but everything she does must cater his needs. As Jane once mentioned, he always wants his girl to adore him like fans:

The trouble is, he wants the fans’ adulation and mine too. He’s so selfish; it’s his biggest fault. He can’t see that my feelings for him are real and that the fans’ are fantasy.

— Jane Asher, Love Me Do! The Beatles’ Progress by Michael Braun

I know some of the fans can't wait to jump up now and shout "Paul and Jane didn't have a mature relationship!" "He's much mature after he meet Linda!" "Paul and Linda had a very very very healthy relationship!" Ok, if you really did some research, you may know that he's never mature enough to know how to fully respect women, at least before the end of divorce with Heather Mills. I have seen the theory appears too many times that Paul and Linda's marriage is the result of careful consideration: Linda came along with a ready-made child and she's ready to marry again - well, I regret to tell you both Paul and Linda wouldn't agree with you.

I was a great disappointment to my family When I got married [to a geologist] and moved to Arizona, it was crazy. I had been pressured by men all my life. I rather liked being on my own, making my own decisions. I had actually sworn to myself that I would never get married again.

— Linda McCartney, interview for Playgirl: An intimate conversation with pop’s preeminent pair. (February, 1985)

As she says, she's quite enjoy her freedom and had absolutely no interest in marriage. What did Paul do? He "twisted her arm" to make her agree.

I persuaded Linda to come to London for a visit. Then I rang Heather in New York and said, ‘Heather, will you marry me?’ She was five. ‘No, don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I’m too young.’ ‘Well, I can wait,’ I said. So we went to New York and brought her back to London to live with us, and I twisted Linda’s arm and finally she agreed to marry me.

— Paul McCartney, interview for Playgirl: An intimate conversation with pop’s preeminent pair. (February, 1985)

Linda also said neither of them knew what they were doing when they got married:

LINDA: 'So instead of getting an agent I met Paul instead and got married. Or I was going through a transition then and didn't know quite what I was doing and he obviously didn't know quite what he was doing so we ended up marrying instead.'

— Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now

Again, I'm not saying Paul and Linda never loved each other or their marriage was completely made up for media, but I don't think his marriage with Linda enabled him to prioritize other's feelings [his status as one of the four head monsters doesn't help]. Linda's overmuch unilateral compromises certainty don't make him look mature. Let alone his excessive dependence on her.

------------------

Reply to all these who think feminize Paul/men is a bad thing:

You love to say that Paul doesn't want the cute title because people used to mock him by that. I understand it. But do you ever think about why being feminine is not taking him seriously? Do you ever think about this is the discrimination about femininity from the whole society? Why does a man must be despised when he has anything to do with femininity? And Paul's approach is denying his femininity, which is the same with those who mock it, like - a man being feminine is a shame because it means he can't be "respected" like other men. It's the recognition of this concept, which is outdated if you think about it.

P.S. Someone who reblogged my post doesn't seem to like the sentence "there must be many sweet moments between Paul and Linda". Ok, I delete it then.

#paul mccartney #jane asher #linda mccartney #the beatles #he is attracted to strong women but he wants them to do what he wants at the same time #he actually wants obedient strong women #a lot of trouble inevitably arise

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jmnjmnjmn · 5 years ago

Text

Eternal beings | Chapter 8

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Human!Reader

Key words: supernatural, vampire.

Word count: around 3,500

Warnings: swearing, sadness, jealousy, mentions of murder

Inspo board

Masterlist

I’m also working ona a Taehyung thing right now so please bear with my posting schedule...

You opened your eyes at the abrasive sound of your alarm. Feeling as if you haven’t slept a minute last night you sat up on the bed and looked out the window. The morning was foggy, the light drizzle visible in the rising sun. You looked down onto the street looking for Jungkook, but no one was there. It was half past five, still too early for him to be waiting for you outside. Nonetheless the prospect of him being out there - somewhere, anywhere, coming your way - made you feel uneasy. You picked yourself up from the bed lazily and headed for the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face before applying some makeup. As you approached your bedroom’s door you stumbled over something on the floor. Looking down you noticed the pile of clothes you angrily threw and kicked to the ground last night. The memory of it made you feel even more shitty. Because of your frustration with Jungkook you blew up on Taehyung who wasn’t at fault here at all. You made a mental note to yourself to make it up to him today and went on with your morning routine more quietly than ever not to wake him or his dog.

As you applied your makeup, did your hair and packed your bag you looked out the window onto the street every now and then to make sure Jungkook’s not standing there, waiting for you. His absence made you anxious. It was nearing six when you finally walked downstairs to eat a quick breakfast before heading out. You decided on one of the “1 minute oatmeal” mixes Taehyung had in his kitchen cabinet. You poured hot water over the dusty mixture and scrunched your nose at the strange smell, hoping it looked and smelled worse than it tasted. With the steaming bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other you once again walked to one of the windows on the front of the house. There wasn’t even a stray cat on the street. You stood by that window eating the oatmeal and slowly realising that this is not your kind of breakfast.

“Maybe the reason Taehyung has so many of these is that he doesn’t want to eat them, because they suck so bad…” You said to yourself as you were quickly washing up the dishes after yourself. You dried your hands and rushed to the door, not wanting to be late for work.

As you were tying your sneakers you felt your stomach tighten. You were nervous about what, or rather who, you would see waiting for you outside. You took one more deep breath before opening the door. To your surprise no one was there. The emptiness of Taehyung’s driveway didn’t make you feel any less nervous. You turned your back to the street to lock the door behind yourself and as you pulled the key out of the lock you heard the heavy iron handle on Taehyung’s home’s gate squeak.

“Here we go…” You muttered under your breath and turned around. Jungkook was walking through the gate with his eyes focused on the handle he was gripping. He looked up at you and gave you a half smile.

“Hey.” He mouthed quietly, as though he could wake up the neighbourhood if he spoke with his full voice. You caught yourself starting to become warm inside and quietly told yourself in your mind not to fall for his tricks and do that.

The two of you walked silently all the way to the station. You kept your hands in your pockets clenched in fists not only to protect them from the strange cold of today's morning, but also because of your once again raising frustration. You didn’t know how you should or shouldn’t feel about this whole ordeal with Jungkook. Both him and Yoongi told you yesterday that they were vampires and you couldn’t wrap your head around it. The only way to make it make sense was to believe they’re both insane or ask them for a more detailed explanation. The first option appealed to you the most.

As you stood on the station awaiting your train Jungkook paced around next to you humming something quietly. You glanced at him and almost smiled, but stopped yourself quickly before anyone could see. You avrted your eyes back to the tracks, furrowing your brows.

Usually there were a couple of empty seats on the train at this time, but today it was more crowded so you stopped a couple of steps from the door and grabbed onto a bar for stability. As you pulled out your phone to check the time you felt a weight come onto your shoulder. You looked towards it and saw Jungkook holding onto the sleeve of your jacket. This time you didn’t hold back the smile remembering how you and your friends always grabbed onto each other’s bags, shoulders and jackets to keep balance on a moving bus or train.

You felt silly. He seemed so innocent yet… You couldn’t just forget about what he said he did to (Victim’s name). He was a murderer. He admitted it. The fact that you didn’t call the police immediately after meeting him for the first time after that faithfull night on Third made you no better than him. There was no excuse you could come up with for withholding such important information in an official FBI investigation. You were a criminal. Just like Jungkook. You might have not murdered anyone, but you lied and covered for him. You looked down at your phone with tremendous guilt in your heart. There were so many times you could have called the police, so many opportunities, that you didn’t take, to come clean and make this mess go away.

“Central station.” A robotic female voice announced from the train speakers. You picked up your gaze realising it’s your stop and made your way to the opening door with Jungkook following closely behind.

You walked together, side by side, still in total silence. As you were not more than ten meters from the shop’s doog Jungkook slowed down his pace and stopped. You automatically did the same which made you feel really dumb. He was the one following you to work. You should’ve kept walking and left him behind to get rid of him at least for a moment, but you didn’t and answering the question of “why?” seemed like too hard of a task for the moment.

“What time do you finish your shift?” He asked, stepping in front of you.

“E- Wait, no.” You barely managed to refrain yourself from telling him what he wanted to know. “ Why do you want to know?” You answered his question with your own already knowing what he’ll say.

“I want to pick you up and walk you home.” You exhaled loudly, looking away and giving your head a small shake.

“Don’t.” You replied after a moment, your gaze still resting somewhere far off in the street.

“Come on, (Y/N).” Jungkook said in a teasing manner, putting his hands in his jeans pockets.

“I don’t need a shadow.” You finally managed to look at him again. Your eyes travelled from his chin to his lips and up to his eyes which were a dark shade of brown right now. “Especially from a guy like you.” You added and his smile widened.

“Like me?” He chuckled referring to your altercation from last night.

“Don’t start.” You muttered, feeling your stomach turning at the thought of hearing about vampires again.

“Alright, alright. But just so you know I was asking to be polite.” He said, taking a step back. “I already know your schedule. I’ll be here ten to eleven.” Your eyebrows travelled up involuntarily at his statement. “Have a good day at work, (Y/N).” He added taking another step back still facing you. With his next step he turned around, shooting you a smirk.

Confused about how he knew your work hours you walked into the shop and headed straight for the door marked with a “staff only” sign. Your wonderment was cut short as you set your eyes on the only other person in the break room.

“Jimin.” You said your coworker's name, greeting him as you closed the door behind yourself. He smiled up at you from his phone and went back to typing something up on the screen rapidly. “Did you by any chance talk to Jungkook recently?” You asked him, setting your bag down on the old couch. He glanced up at you from his phone again with his eyebrows raised. Your question must have caught his attention, because he quickly locked his phone and put it in his jeans backpocket.

“Yeah. We talked.” He answered with a cheeky smile you didn’t appreciate. “If he only knew!” You called out in your head.

“And did you talk about me?” You proceeded with the questions.

“We did.” Jimin put his arms across his chest and his grin grew wider.

“Perhaps about my work schedule?” Jimin only smiled at you without a word, but it was enough of an answer. “Jimin, why?” You sighed, not knowing how to knock it out of his head that you were interested in Jungkook.

“I did you a favour. Without me you would never end up seeing him.” You put your palm on your forehead feeling a headache forming under there and rubbed it slowly. “Oh, don’t pretend you don’t like it.” He snickered.

“Did it ever cross your mind that I might not want to see him?” You tried to explain it to him slowly so that you didn’t slip and say something you didn’t mean to say to him. Like for example: Your crazy boyfriend claims he and his friend are vampires.

“(Y/N), you quit being so pessimistic.” He said walking up to you and hugged you from the side. “Jungkook is nothing like your previous crushes and boyfriends you told me about.” Jimin rubbed your shoulder trying to comfort you, but all you could feel right now was helpless and misunderstood. “He’s a good guy.” You exhaled a soft chuckle at his statement. “There’s nothing weird about him, no obsessions or questionable past. Yoongi can vouch for him.” You couldn’t stop a grin forming on your face and looked up at Jimin.

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.” He frowned and thought for a moment before speaking again.

“Well, I know you had a fight last night-” You didn’t let him finish and pulled out from under his arm. How is it that everyone knows everything about you and yet you are clueless about everything that is going on?

“Wha- Who told you- Taehyung? That-” You struggled to for a proper sentence and before you could succeed Jimin cut you off.

“Don’t be angry with him.” He defended Taehyung. “He just wants the best for you. Like me.” He added with a smile. You couldn’t get angry with him. Yes he meddled and gossiped, but he didn’t know half of what you knew and he didn’t mean to do any wrong.

“I know Jimin, but I think I know best what’s best for me.” You said, rubbing your forehead again to make the impending headache go away. “Trust me and let me make my own decisions, okay?” Jimin put his arms across his chest again, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes. “I’ll handle this whole Jungkook deal myself without you, Taehyung or Yoongi getting involved.” You said, hoping that you just put an end to this discussion.

“About Yoongi.” Jimin perked up and you felt your shoulders drop a little. “He tells me you went to him asking all sorts of questions about your admirer-”

“Come on!” You cut him off, hearing more than enough. “I just told you not to meddle in this!” Now you had your arms in a knot across your chest as well. “Please, Jimin. Just- Just let me do this at my own pace, okay?” You asked him sincerely.

“Okay, okay.” He sighed. “But remember everything you tell Jungkook he will tell Yoongi and Yoongi will tell me.” As he listed this chain of communication a cheeky smile formed on his face once again.

“God damnit, Jimin.” You laughed and pushed his shoulder.

“I’m kidding.” He chuckled and the two of you, still bickering, went out of the break room to go on with today's workload.

Towards the end of your shift you were on checkout duty, googling out all the information about the murder case from last weekend when a ridiculous thought came to your mind. You opened a new tab in the internet app on your phone and let your thumb hover over the letter “v”, still hesitant whether you should go down this rabbit whole. You were deep in thought when Jimin called your name simultaneously bringing you back to reality. “One that doesn’t include vampires.” You thought hopefully.

“(Y/N).” Before he could say anything more you realised you were covered in goosebumps. You looked at the thermometer on the window to check the room's temperature, but as you turned your gaze towards it you noticed the real reason behind your body’s odd behaviour. “Your boyfriend’s here.” Jimin said, looking through the glass door with a box of blue Fanta in his arms.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You muttered. Jungkook was in fact out there like he promised, walking towards the shop in long strides. He noticed you eying him through the window and waved in your direction with a smile.

“Ten to eleven, (Y/N).” He greeted you as he walked through the shop’s door, ringing the small bell hanging over it. “Hey, Jimin.” He greeted your coworker who still stood by the door with the box of beverages he was supposed to set up on a shelf in the front. “Are you ready?” He asked you.

“It’s ten to eleven. I still have ten more minutes of work to do.” You said emphasizing the word “ten” each time, reluctant to go anywhere with him. Jungkook opened his mouth, but before he could say a word Jimin cut in.

“You can go. I’ll finish up here, (Y/N).” He smiled sweetly at you and Jungkook, but you knew what was really hiding under that expression. “Go on, get your things.” He urged you, but you didn’t move an inch from behind the register. The two of you stood in your places, Jimin with the box of Fanta in his arms and you with your palms resting on the counter, looking each other in the eyes trying to communicate with them and without speaking up.

“I’ll wait. It’s just ten minutes.” Jungkook finally said, glancing between the two of you and breaking the silence. He leaned on the counter and pulled his phone out to occupy himself with.

You sighed and hoped for a customer to come in or something so that those ten minutes really seemed like work and not just you trying to stick it to Jimin and Jungkook. Unfortunately for you no one came in. As the ten minutes were quickly coming to an end you decided to collect your things and get going. You reached under the counter to unplug your phone’s charger when the volume on the worn-out TV above your head increased. When you got up from under the counter you saw Jimin with the remote in his hand, the Fanta box empty under his arm.

“Look, (Y/N). It’s your case.” He said pointing to the screen and turning the volume up even higher. You looked at the screen terrified.

“Your case?” Jungkook asked from behind you without even a bit of curiosity in his voice. You didn’t have to face him to see the expression he had on his face, you knew he had that smug cocky smile all over it.

“She’s a witness.” Jimin explained to him, clueless of the fact he just outed you as a rat to the killer you were testifying against to the police.You felt your cheeks turn red, but decided to try to play it cool.

“Old news.” You shot Jimin down, trying to talk over the news anchor who was now describing in detail how (Victim’s name) was found that faithfull night you saw Jungkook for the first time. “Nothing really came out of my statement.” You said turning to face the two guys. “I didn’t see or hear much to be honest.” You babbled with your voice being a little higher pitched than usual from the nerves as rolled up your charger.

“Well, you did see the guy.” Jimin said, putting the remote down on the counter. Jungkook raised his brow at you and slowly put his arms across his chest, getting ready to enjoy the show of Jimin and you spitting arguments back and forth.

“It was dark.” You said.

“You gave a description to a sketch artist.” He answered.

“I didn’t have my glasses on.” You kept explaining.

“You told me you would definitely recognize him if you saw him on the street.”

“After giving it more thought I don't really think I could.”

“You said he was kinda hot.”

“Didn’t!” You yelled and felt yourself burning up.

“Alright, that I made up.” Jimin laughed.

“I’m going home.” You said grabbing the remote and turning the TV off which earned you a resigned moan from Jimin. “I’ve got online classes to attend.” You added slipping out from behind the counter and walking towards the back room.

“You two go. I’ll wait for our switch. Who is late. Again.” You heard Jimin complain in a playful tone behind your back.

You rested your back on the closed door of the back room and sighed deeply. As you relaxed your shoulders you began feeling how tense they were for the past ten minutes or so since Jungkook walked into the shop. You took off your name tag slowly and put it on the pin board on the wall feeling the soreness in each muscle in your arms. You stuffed your jacket into your bag and threw it over your shoulder. As you rested your sweaty palm on the cold door handle you stopped for a second to make the impossible wish of not seeing Jungkook when you step out onto the shop. You exhaled slowly to prepare yourself to be let down and pushed the door open.

“Ready?” He asked sweetly as you approached the front door and also him. You noticed Jimin trying to hide a cheeky smile as he stood behind the checkout.

“Bye, Jimin.” You said, knowing already he must have told Jungkook something you asked him not to. Deciding not to answer him and just kept walking all the way to the door. Jungkook bid his farewell to your coworker as well and swiftly turned as you passed him by.

Together you walked down the street. Shoulder to shoulder. You were about to take the turn right to the train station when Jungkook spoke up.

“Here.” You heard a beeping sound and you averted your eyes to where it came from. Jungkook walked towards a black car parked on the sidewalk leaving you a couple of steps behind as you stood in place unsure of what to do. He reached for the door handle on the passenger's side and opened it for you.

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nurfhurdur · 5 years ago

Text

Hard Enough Left Modern AU

Because I miss Ruth

There hadn't been activity on that particular channel in weeks. Every few days Emily would log on, only to be dissapointed to see that nothing had changed. The only activity being comments from other viewers asking when to expect another video.

It had gotten to the point where she had checked to make sure she was still subscribed, and she edited her settings to make sure she'd get a notification the next time there was anything uploaded. It was another three weeks after that, that she had checked the time on her phone to see the banner across the screen.

Rushing through the last of her course work, she threw her backpack on the floor and reached for her tablet. She tapped a fingernail against the screen impatiently as YouTube finally loaded, hitting pause quickly so she could dig her headphones out of the nightstand drawer.

She'd binged Ruth's videos in the span of a few days. She didn't know how girls on YouTube did it, especially with a DIY channel. Starting back from the first videos posted a few years before, the video quality had improved, the girl's editing had improved, and she'd become more comfortable in front of a camera. From cooking, and baking, to personal desk size succulent gardens, or organizing and purging a closet, somehow the girl had made a name for herself on the internet and the most mundane of tasks seemed more interesting when discussed and explained on this girl's channel.

Comfortable in her bed, she finally pressed play and tilted her head as the personalized graphic of a constellation came on screen, which the girl had done a tutorial on also....

When did she have the time to do all this?

She was pulled from her thoughts, and rather startled, to see an exhausted looking version of the girl who ran the channel. Ruth's dark hair was pulled in to a messy bun, circles under her eyes and she looked like she hadn't taken the time to get out of her pajamas. What was most startling, was what looked like a medical oxygen tube beneath her nose.

Looking up into the camera, she waved vaguely with her usual greeting before continuing.

"I've never really shared this, because I never had any reason to-" She held up the small tank of oxygen sitting beside her and grinned flatly. "-but now I do.....so today's video is a bit of a PSA."

Her expression dulled and she stared at the screen a moment. "Get out of the shot."

"I'm not in the shot," came a low response from the corner.

Ruth addressed the camera again. "I have help today."

A few clips were edited in of Ruth and....was that Jesse Hudson?

The Piston Cup driver?

The two were figuring out where to stage Ruth's things, and Ruth watched in exasperation before telling him to leave her stuff alone and let her do it.

"I'm just trying to help."

"This isn't my first video or anything-....no, leave the tank there-"

"Wh-"

"Because that's where I keep it when I'm working here-"

The clip cut back to Ruth's slightly more professional expression and she reached for the camera. "For those of you who keep up, yes, that was Jesse Hudson. Jesse, say hello."

"Hey." He muttered with a glance up from his phone.

"We're twins. Before you flood my inbox, I'm older, it's not that exciting to have a celebrity sibling and-....." Ruth paused and stared at the screen again. "Did you just kick the footboard of my bed?"

Just barely in the frame, Jesse's Nikes could be seen as he kicked off from the bed again, spinning the chair slowly. "Yeah, cause you lie."

"I do not lie. You're- you know what, this is my video, and I'm not spending ages editing it so now the world can see how sulky you are."

The chair rolled further in to frame and Jesse only shrugged a shoulder before going back to his phone.

Ruth took a slow breath, for effect or because she needed it, it was hard to tell, before launching in to a lengthy explanation of why she had been absent for so long.

"I don't have an actual diagnosis, no one can give me a specific name for it-"

The more she spoke, the more emotional the video became. The natural lighting of her bedroom made the video a little surreal, the way it picked up the threatening shine in the girl's eyes wasn't staged, or planned, or even wanted. It was apparent that a portion had been cut. She looked like she had been crying, and instead of lazing in the background, Jesse was sitting beside her at her desk, chin rested on his hand as he looked between her and the screen silently.

"Some of you wonder how I have time to do any of this, some of you are very rude in your questioning of how I have time-"

The clip had been edited again and a more composed looking Ruth stared at the camera before speaking and glancing over her shoulder. "Our older brother thought there was a problem and I'm sure Jesse is getting lectured for something...."

She'd edited captions in, and color coded them for each brother. They appeared at the bottom of the screen while she made a show of her impatience on camera.

"Can you for once in your life-"

"She asked me to help-"

Ruth made eye contact with the camera a moment before continuing, explaining that her illness started back in the early 2000s. Doctors had originally treated her for bronchitis, then walking pneumonia. X-rays, blood tests, screenings and different antibiotics had all been tried with only mininal results. There was the possibility of an autoimmune disorder but they hadn't started that round of tests yet.

"I don't always have an oxygen tank, this is a bit of a new development...." She eyed the small cylinder beside her and it was obvious to see that she was still trying to wrap her head around it. With a shaky and watery smile she looked back at the camera.

"It's extremely hard to be looked at the way people do when you have something like this basically tied to your side."

She ignored her twins' return to his chair beside her.

"For some it's an insulin pump, for me it's an oxygen tank, for others it's chronic pain. We know we have it, while the general public tends to look at us like we're looking for sympathy or leaching the system. Just because it's an invisible disease doesn't mean it isn't there."

She looked at her brother before leaning back in her computer chair. Drawing her knee up, she wrapped an arm around it.

"Where had we gone the other day? Was it the grocery store-"

"Doctor appointment."

"Oh, yeah. It was." Ruth frowned. "I've been issued a handicap sign for the mirror of my car....they haven't sent the new license plate yet. I didn't even want to use it but it was a really bad day for me. My family convinced me to use it to park as close as possible, and then wanted to get me a wheel chair."

She pursed her lips, taking a moment to gather her thoughts and looked in to the camera.

"Some middle aged woman came right up to me and told me she thought it was horrible that I would do such a thing for a closer space. That as a young woman in my twenties, I was more than capable of walking the extra hundred feet and had no right to be using my grandparents' issued sign like that."

She looked away from the camera and swiped a tear from her eye. Barely seen on camera, it looked like Jesse might have nudged her chair with his foot.

"I was so upset I showed her my signature on the back, and then my driver's license. Just because I'm in my twenties doesn't mean-"

She shook her head and sighed while rubbing her forehead.

"It's hard enough for people like myself to be so restricted when we're supposed to be 'enjoying our youth'...don't be that person. Just.....take a moment to realize that we're not always how we appear. It's a smack of pride to even have to use that handicap sign. I just stared at it hanging from the rearview mirror, convincing myself not to take it back down for some complete stranger to then treat me that way?"

"That was the appointment they gave you the tank." Jesse muttered lowly.

"It was." She agreed. "Like that wasn't a hard pill to swallow already...."

There was a brief pause, and it was obvious she was mentally shaking herself. She diverted the topic somewhat, sitting up straighter and getting composed.

"So that's where all my time comes from. This started as a hobby a few years ago and because of you-" she gestured to the screen. "-faithfull viewers and subscribers, I've networked with a few different small businesses, I work from home. I have my Etsy shop, I've been able to review different products and be sponsored by those companies. If you haven't visited, be sure to check the links in the description. There's my Etsy shop, Instagram, Twitter, and links to my favourite channels."

As an afterthought, she added. "Maybe I'll do more videos on this, I'm not really sure. Leave your thoughts in the comments."

It was her usual send off, but for some reason it meant so much more after a fifteen minute video explaining something so personal.

"Remember guys, there's always a reason to smile. Until next time."

The personalized LittleDipperCo. appeared on screen alongside the subscribe button and list of links before the next video in the playlist began to buffer.

She hit cancel and set the tablet aside, trying to digest the last fifteen minutes. She'd ordered from the Etsy shop, LittleDipperCo. before and had recieved a little handwritten note alongside all the little items she'd ordered.

Stickers, bookmarks, a personalized mug for her dad, the earrings she was currently wearing....because she'd ordered so much and had been so patient, Ruth had added a few small items and a personal thank you card.

She was her favorite shop, there was something unique about LittleDipperCo.-creations by RuthAnne- that had always stood out to her.

Grabbing her tablet, she went back to find the link and glanced up at her open doorway in surprise when her brother appeared.

"Did you see what he's saying about me?"

"What who is saying-"

"Hudson thinks he's being funny-"

"Get off of Twitter, Alexander."

Alex held his phone up and read the time stamp. "An hour and a half ago-"

Emily glanced back at the upload time of Ruth's video. It was only about half an hour old.

Jesse Hudson was apparently roasting her brother in that video.

She blinked a few times and hid a smirk, busying herself with reaching for a hair tie. "Don't you have some kind of conference to get ready for?"

Another alert popped up as he made a show of leaving her doorway and Emily shook her head while clicking the link.

Let's lighten the mood! PSA- BLOOPERS AND REAL TALK.

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brownskinsugarplum76 · 6 years ago

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The New Girl, Part 1

I'm going to hijack something else from you today, @m-faithfull. 😁 I saw you post this pic a little while back, and I was itching to write for it. Here you go, a leonine Robert going in for the kill. 😬 Just felt like making him a little more forward this time around.

Thanks to @starchild0985 for the argument idea a while ago, and thanks to @firethatgrewsolow for the sanity check on the emotional stuff. ❤️❤️❤️

Not smut yet, but there are "adult undertones." 😎

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You round the corner with the food cart and hear them before you see them: the blaring radio and the boisterous, British-accented speech. And then there's a fearsome, metallic crash--a large, glass something, likely hurled into trash can.

You park across from the doorway, look into the room, and take a deep breath. It's your first night on the job, your first time serving a bunch of rock stars and their entourage. You've heard the stories and know that anything is possible in the green room: arguments, fist fights, food fights, hasty sex, even musicians too drunk or high to perform. But it's not just anxiety about the possible mood in the room that gives you pause. You are a huge Led Zeppelin fan, and you are as ashamed about your pink polyester work dress as you are excited to meet the young legends. You've daydreamed about meeting Robert, in particular, but certainly never under these circumstances.

You're glad to have had time to pull your copy of Led Zeppelin IV out of your locker while no one was looking and stash it on the bottom shelf of the cart, hidden behind the long, white tablecloth. An autographed vinyl would be a happy memory of the night, even if everything else went crazy.

Bonzo starts talking, and you realize things are not as jovial as you'd hoped.

"All I'm saying, Perce, is less talk between songs!" Bonzo's voice is colored with exasperation. "We both know damn well that you're just scanning the crowd to skim the finest birds off the top for yourself, innit?"

You're not sure if you should make your way into the room or stay out of the fray for a while. Since no one has noticed you yet, you decide to watch what happens next.

"How do you mean, Bonzo?" Robert's voice has all of the charm you'd expect to hear, but you don't know if his soothing tone will be enough to defuse the situation.

"All I'm doing," Robert continues, "is showing love and gratitude to the audience and setting the scene for you lot to release the sturm und drang, as it were."

"Fucking hell, Robert. Admit it, that's not the release you're most worried about! The crowds are bigger than in Birmingham, but you haven't changed your horny bastard ways one bit, matey…"

"It seems the song does indeed remain the same," Jimmy muses with a chuckle.

"I'm just surprised he ain't have a knee trembler onstage yet. G, Pagey, you're really lucky he didn't hump a pillar when you came to check him out back then. That's the sort of bollocks that I don't miss from this one." He frowns and takes a huge sip of his beer.

It seems this story is new to Jimmy and G, the imposing man you understand to be the manager. Both men exchange glances and shake their heads.

"Fuck it all!" Robert uncrosses his arms and picks up a cigarette package and lighter from the table. "Don't believe me, then." He turns his back on his critics and lights a cigarette.

You get a glimpse of his pout and his elegant fingers, marveling at how cute he looks when he's upset. Somehow this vision has neutralized any red flags raised by Bonzo's stories. You don't know why you can excuse Robert for things that would make you cold to anyone else. You are a little wary, but you know any objections you have left could be swept away with something as light as his sinful whisper in your ear, the brush of his lips against your neck, and the feathery touch of his fingers on your bud.

You are in danger of slipping deep into fantasy and decide to enter the room now to save yourself. Part of you wants to get your work over with, get your autographs, stargaze at the band and leave, but part of you wants to offer whatever comfort you can to the grumpy Robert before your eyes--just about anything he'd ask for.

Everyone else has moved on in a few different conversations. This ends up being a lucky occurrence for Robert, who is still sulking alone and notices you first.

He drops the hand with the cigarette by his side while he familiarizes himself with you. Then he lets loose with a dazzling smile.

G, the rest of the band, and the others in the room focus on you a beat later, while Robert quickly stubs out his cigarette in an ashtray. "And food saves the day. Your timing is impeccable, darlin'. Allow me to be your knight in denim and help you with that cart." He sidles up to you and rests one hand on your shoulder and the other on top of your hand. He winks at you, and you step aside so he can move the cart.

You drink in the sparkly, mostly open button-down that is hanging off of his broad shoulders, thankful that it ends just above the bulge in his jeans that won't be denied, so you can sneak a peek.

He is every bit as flirtatious as you've gleaned from the radio interviews. You get the impression that he doesn't mind the uniform you're wearing, that he's looking way past it in his mind, that he'd still flirt with you if you were wearing a potato sack. It is both a relief and something that leaves your stomach jittery.

"Our wonderful caterer…" he stares for a long time at the general region of your name tag, licks his lips, and relays your name with a wicked grin, "has brought the real food. Orange juice for Jimmy? And sandwiches and crisps for the rest of us. No need to gorge on three-day-old bananas anymore… Although there's one aged almost 25 years that's highly recommended, if you're into that sort of thing…" Robert murmurs the last part for your ears only.

You blush and are stunned by his boldness, but you get your bearings quickly, realizing things will be as out of control as you anticipated. You can't deny that you would love to spend some time alone with Robert, and you're ready to see what other bold moves he has in store.

You steady yourself to throw some of your own boldness his way. "Well, they are good for you--delicious and incredibly filling… And I do like them ripe, personally, so…" You reply just as softly and gaze into his eyes.

Inside of the stare, the two of you are zapped by a mutual, high-voltage flash of interest. Your heart races, and your body throbs.

"Prime example, this is!" Bonzo interjects from the couch. "Percy Plant plucking another flower for himself!"

"Not now, Bonzo," Robert mutters, still looking into your eyes.

You blink rapidly, realizing all eyes are on you. "Sorry… It's my first night here… I-- I've got to set these things out," you stammer to Robert. You want him, but to have things so very obviously play out in front of so many people… A curtain of shame weighs heavy on the lust that has engulfed your body.

Before you can pick up the tray of sandwiches, Robert steps in. "Allow me, love." He notices your conflicting emotions and removes all of the food from the cart for you. You're glad for his help because you feel lightheaded. The last thing you need to do is drop a tray of food on your first night and draw the ire of the rambunctious group.

"What's this, then?" Robert has peeked under the tablecloth and has found your record. "Fancy some autographs from us heathens?" He holds up the album for everyone to see.

"One of my favorites. I must commend your good taste." Jimmy's tip of his glass to you and his friendly words lighten your tension. Your thank-you to him is for his compliment as much as it is for the lifeline to normalcy that he has thrown.

Robert places a hand on your shoulder. "You know what? I'll let the rest of the lads sign first. You look like you could use some help getting this cart back where it belongs, yeah?"

You get the sense that Robert genuinely wants to blot out your embarrassment, but you know that he has other, wolfish desires alongside his altruism. You're okay with that, and you don't question why.

"That would be great." A weak smile grows stronger on your face as you think of how exciting a stolen moment with Robert will be.

"Yes, allow me to drive this for you then?" He begins to push the cart to the door.

"Thirty minutes until showtime, Robert," G calls out, knowing he won't return right away.

Robert doesn't respond to G but does motion for you to join him in the hall. You tell him which way to turn. You're back to bursting with excitement again as you leave the room in the distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of my stories are here, or search for the hashtag #brownskinsugarplumlibrary.

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firethatgrewsolow · 2 years ago

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A little post-holiday vignette inspired by @m-faithfull and her absolutely perfect moniker! 😁

Michelle drummed the pen against her thigh, counting the letter blocks on her crossword for the third time. "I think it’s tarragon."

"Aragorn?" Robert chirped, taping shut the box of Christmas ornaments he’d been wrangling.

Her gaze flickered to his. "Tarragon. The Gandor puzzle's in the other paper."

"Gondor."

"Of course, your Grace."

"Tarragon doesn't grow there anyway." Robert grinned, depositing the container next to the hearth.

Michelle glanced at the box. “Aren’t you going to put those up? You said you were.” She peered behind her. “But I guess you said that about the ladder, too.”

“If you must know, I’m utilizing the ladder to put them up.” Robert shrugged, settling beside her. “So, I figured I’d put them up together. Far more efficient that way.”

“Ahh, the model of productivity.” Michelle smirked, gently tapping the fuzzy white ball at the top of the hat he’d donned. “Nice chapeau.”

Robert adjusted the crimson cap. “You don’t fancy my homage to Father Christmas?”

She smiled, shaking her head. “At least you stopped with the Planty Claus business.”

“I can rectify that.”

“Please don’t.”

“Here comes Planty Claus, here comes Planty Claus, right down Pl-” He snickered as her hand met his mouth.

“Thank you. Five times will suffice.”

Robert pouted, entwining his fingers in hers and laying a kiss on her palm. “I thought that was rather clever. Get it? Santy Claus … Planty Claus?”

“Yes, Robert. Understood. But Christmas is over.”

He pouted again. “Well, someone’s lost the holiday spirit. Christmas isn’t over. It’s only on hiatus.” He stood, nuzzling her neck, his timbre dropping. "Which, as it happens, is just another word for holiday. Therefore, the holiday's on holiday." He beamed. "Funny how that works, yeah? Thirty-two down is prince, by the way."

"You're a lot, you know.” Michelle’s brow wrinkled. “And how did you get that?"

"Some might say I’m familiar with the concept."

She quelled the urge to launch her pen at him. "You read too much of your own press."

The singer scoffed. "Rubbish. I never look at it."

"And by never, you mean daily?" She cocked her head. “I’ve seen your treasure trove in the barn. Incidentally, you're almost out of subscription on Melody Maker."

“Oh. Those were, ah, gifts."

"Gifts," Michelle repeated, her mouth curving. "Right. From who? Jimmy? He's not going to come off a quid, that's for sure."

"Nah, it was somebody else.” Robert pursed his lips, studying the page. “Forty across, sultry. I’m familiar with that, too.”

Michelle yanked the puzzle to her chest. "Would you fucking stop it?"

"Whoa, take it easy." He held up his hands. "Just trying to offer some ... assistance."

"Well, I don't need your help. Now beat it."

"No, no, fourteen down is assistance."

"Goddammit, Robert."

He yelped, jumping to the side as she flung the paper at him. “Yes, definitely lost the spirit.”

Michelle narrowed her eyes. “So, who is it?”

“Who’s what?”

“Your benefactor?”

“Oh, that.” He rescued the crumpled periodical, smoothing out the edges. “Nobody, really.”

“Nobody, huh?”

“Do you mind passing me your pen?”

Michelle crossed her arms. “How is it that I’m sitting here quietly enjoying a game, and you just take over? You’re a usurper. That’s what you are.”

Robert barked a laugh. “A usurper?”

“Shit-stirrer? Is that better?” She stuffed the pen in her pocket. “You want it? Come and get it.”

He stilled, a wicked dimple slowly creasing his cheek. “If you insist.”

🕊️❄️🍵

#robert plant #led zeppelin #ficlet #i can't stop #i'll never stop #my cross to bear i suppose #mich and rob #ps yes i am obsessed w planta claus #so funny #eye thank yew faithfull

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el-javi · 7 years ago

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-soooooo, remember when you bought that lace robe for her?- -ye- -and then you expended all the money you had on a trip that was supossed to...- -... ye, like if that relationship could have been saved by chocolates and nature.- -could it?- -maybe, if I was more open, more brave. Maybe if I had believed on the love and stuff- -well but, after that didn’t she when ahead with her plan to travel far away to that guy’s house?- -yeah welll, I really fuckt up the trip. like... that argument when we where walking on the road to town, really getting to town actually. Why did I lost it? I mean, I remember that what pushed me over the edge was something she sayd... was she the one to get mad first? Well anyway, that feeling man, that impotence feeling of inadequacy, I remember feeling that. That I wasn’t enough, that the real reason she was mad at me was something inside me. but don’t remember if she was mad first. I remember we fotographed a bunch of red flowers, I don’t remember who took it, but I feel like it was something we did together. That’s some intimate thing right, creating something toguether right, and the fight happened right after that, like really close. All of our bad feelings where on the sleeve, ready to burst, and they did.- -riiiiiiight. remember being worried when she was away?- -yes- -remember figuring out trough instagram that she was in a relationship with that guy?- -yes- -did you cry?- -I don’t remember. I did that joke post on instagram. “Peteca holder”- -yeah, but, was it funny?- -no. I felt like I has a hole in my heart. but at that point I was convinced, in my most rational side of the brain, that we couldn’t be toguether... I was convinced that that relationship was utter madness. And I remember being afraid, afraid of doing something, afraid of those loop arguments that when’t on and on and on, always escalating to the point of violence and more.- -I remember what happened next, but I wanna hear you say it.- -you are a sadic fuck. you know that right?- -well... more on the side of masochist ;) - -fuck you- -you are welcome. c’mon now.- -fine. I don’t remember how I figured out she was back in town. I remember to be terrifyed by the thought of never seeing her again. I don’t remember if I told her before hand. I musn’t hve done that because I remember arriving at her building and the doorman was ready to just let me go straight up but I knew that the right thing to do was ask the doorman to call her, and that was what I did. I remember waiting, I remember how tense and anxious I was. I remember her. She had something on with a pattern of tiny flowers, 2 to 4 colors. And she had this face, this look in her eyes. She seemed not exactly happy to see me, but happy to see how clear it was that I still wanted her badly. I was addicted man.- -keep going- -well, we had a moment right there in the building tiny lobby and she invited my to go up. she told me she had talked to her friend that was my other ex. I remember being mad at some of the stuff, like she distorted the whole debt story to seem like the money I send her when she was in bad spot in germany was part of it... and how creepy it was my “Find the Panda” post. It was weird at the time, that was one of the signs that we, me and panda lived in a very small world and people could never understand how it was inside... fuck we didn’t understand it either.- -you are drifting and I have a point to make- -do you?- -you hope so right? so keep going- -I don’t think we fucked that time. she was commited to be faithfull to her new boyfriend, but... you know. After that we still slept together a lot, even if we didn’t fuckt. She let me touch her, I masturbated so sickly by her side, that bothered her. I was so insane. I remember masturbating her too, I remember her block to cum, even when she did it wasn’t the same, we weren’t the same, the single one tima that we got close to feel something like our sex used to be was one time that I was doing a massage, she was naked... or just didn’t have pants or panties, I was only in my underwear. She was lying face down on the bed, me sitting on her legs with my hips touching her butt and we started rubbing. Fuck that was so hot, the rubbing got more intense, she was mooving a lot too, we had this rithm that was like it belogued to the core of our being, that kind of shit allways made me believe in something else like souls and shit- -don’t drift- -yeah so, my dick entered her pussy and we had a couple of pumps, I swear I didn’t touch my dick... you know that shit happened with her. how magnetic we where...- -so you fuckt- -not really, we stopped, she stopped.I remember that moment that we where sitting on the bed, still hard and wet, looking at eachother amazed with how it got inside like my dick and her pussy had minds of their own- -I know you want to jump to the carnaval bit, but wasn’t there something else?- -yeah, I don’t remember if this was before the carnaval... I think it was because I remember that girl calling me to the street blocos. So, I still used tinder in my work, and there was this girland we where talking. I’m not sure if it was before Carnaval when she was still dating the squid guy of afterwards during the whole “we are secret boyfriend and girlfriend thing because everyone knows you are a monster and an agressor”- -wich is true by the way- -yes... “thank you” for reminding me. you never fail at that, but where the fuck are before I do shit?- -don’t use misguided anger to escape this, keep going- -ok that fact of the matter is that I wanted her, I wanted us. but to me it was clear that “us” where dead, and had been dead for a long ass time. But I just couldn’t stay way for too long. Even after escaping her building throug the stairs, even after those calls filled with anger and violence, even after all the times I cheated, the times I try to fall in love with someone else, anyone, I... just needed her skin, her legs on my legs. I kept going back, just to sleep. just to touch her and masturbate by her side, touching her, she pretended to sleep, she didn’t liked it we keept doing it I kept going back- -why is the story of the last tinder girl you technically cheated her with important?- -because if it was during the secret relationship it was some sort of betrayal- -why some sort?- -because she had guys too, that’s how the qotsa fan came into the picture- -but why was it a betrayal at all?- -because I sayd that I wouldn’t be with anybody else. It was suposed to be like a therm to our relationship. Open for her and not for me. A punishment for me...- -Yes, an unfair way to make thing fair. And who suggested that?- -It was me. Like a bad deal make just to get a design job, unthought and careless. A desperate desition. because I really.... I knew how deep she was inside me and I by that time I also had felt the pain that it was trying to take her away from there.- -I want you to think about how that desition, that therm of engagement made you feel and the fact that she agreed to it. Now, how was that carnaval like and what happened afterwards? Try to tell this in one go.- -Ok, fuck. So, the sqid dude was going to spend carnaval with her, it would be something she would really like because she hates carnaval and they could get away from it all and be alone at her mama’s house by the beach.- ... -ok you just took a fucking bath and kept talking to me in there, but shit need to be here, so keep going, - -I spent the Carnaval doing some art for her, I planned to leave it all at her building as a goodbye. I did the pieces as a way to try to train myself to be without her, I was sure she was going for the long run with the squid guy because of all the time we could have had sex and we didn’t, of how distant she was... by the way, why the fuck did she keept welcoming me into her house? She called me at lot of times to do so like.... “are ou coming here?” I don’t remember if she ever sayd she loved me that time before carnaval, I wan’t to think she did but I feel like she didn’t.- -You are drifting- -FUck! Ok. soI only wnet out once during the carnaval, to a party that had commition me their advertising and... I invited them, I send the squid guy a message, later she told me they saw it after the party had happened, she didn’t say anything else.- -How was that party- -It was weird... I jumpt at the sea, and that was fun. I drank a lot like a hell of a lot. I remember trying to get it on with one girl, but just a bit, it didn’t happen, I didn’t care. I cryied with this other girl, unknown, who had a boyfriend. I told her the stuff, the aggressions (later on she and her boyfriend added me in social media and the dude even wanted to commision some work. I I wasn’t feeling it by then). I also talked to a man that ended up being a teacher of pda’s friend and telling him about the aggresions I did.- -Is that all she is to you now... “pda’s friend”?- -You know I love her too- -But not like you do pda- -No- -Because what?- -Because I’m a fucking animal that listen only to instint. I love pda in that primal way. The monkey in me wants her, wants her for himself... i dunno. I know the whole “animal” thing is sort of a nerd fantasy- -your whole life is a nerd fantasy. Keep up with the main story- -Ok so, the pieces ended up sucking a lot. I did this drawing of her that she hated. I tryed to make it in a crumb cartoon style but it came up all wrong. Anyway, strangely enough, just as I finished the work and wrote a stupid e-mail where I imagined a perfect future for her, where she was happy with the squid guy... And I had this feeling that it was finaly over, and was feeling sad and weird as fuck.... Well she called me. or texted? I think she texted. She was going to go back to her mama’s house by the beach by bus and she was inviting me to jump on the same bus, to be with her... wtf right?- -Yeah... that was definetively a wtf moment. And what did you do?- - I went. I didn’t know how to feel. But it seemed she was guiving an other chance. something like that. At the bus she was sooooo scared to be seen with me. Not because she was tecnically cheating on the squid but because it was, the monster. She feared for her reputation. At the bus she told me what happened. She was basically sick of the guy. At her mama’s house we read my e-mail that was very pathetic at the start but by the end she got wat I was trying to do and she actually liked it because... I kindda nailed or at least got very close to what she would concider a very happy life. Then i picked up dog shit in the yard. I felt used, a lot. then we ate something, I think she coocked. Then we watched some tv. We where toguether but kindda distant, then her mom called saying she was getting home and she jumped as she, well seemed like, remembered that she wanted to fuck at her mom’s bed. The fuck was kindda wild, very hurry, she got her period right there and as I pulled my dick to cum a small splat of blood stained the bed covers. Mom got home, we put the bed covers to wash and went to pda’s home. We where making plans of how we could make it work. The main problem was getting seing toguether. How could I redeem myself of all the aggressions, the cheating, to her and to her friend. DUring that I always felt she was more concerned about her image. But I saw her strugling with the fact tha she wanted me... or at least she thought that she wanted me...- -Don’t lie, what did you really feel- -We where fighting constantly, and I always felt that all she wanted to do was punish me.- -Do you think this was fair- -Yes. I did and do deserve it.- -You think she posted that pic with the lace robe to make you feel like shit.- -I hope so. I hope she reads this- -Tell me more about the “secret relationship”- -We where fighting every week. I don’t know how long it lasted until she started to get with the qotsa fan.- -Tell me about the last tinder girl. that night that you don’t remember if it was before carnaval or during the “secret relationship”- -well, I remember being very horny for the pictures, and remember of a specific night that, because of the way things where going, I thought like I would be sexting with the last tinder girl. but she called me to her house. We didn’t fuck, I remember we where supose to sleep but evrything felt wrong. I didn’t wanted to be there, I didn’t wanted to love pda the way I did. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like a was in a prision made of silky vapor that gave me so much pleasure but I was sure it was a prision. I wanted to escape it, so I got out of the bed and sitted in the middle of her room. She woke up because I wasn’t at her side and called me, talked to me... like she knew I was on some weird place in my mind and I saw her like I had seen so many time before, desperate to have the power to save me from my psychosis but she didn’t. the evil and the self-destruction in me was to strong and my real fear is that it still is.- -You want her to read this?- -Yes- -Why is it in english. I know that by now you are super into sending her the link to this post or transcribe it into an e-mail... Why is this in english? Why you wanna do this, what do you think it will happen? She will only feel invaded man. Don’t do it.- -What am I supposed to say?- -That you won’t do it. That you wont seek her. Because she just broke up, she is emotionally instable right now. It is clear that she wasn’t the one who broke up. You contacting her now is a coward move. You are thinking now that all the times you cheated her and her friend was because you where frustrated, you felt impotent because you didn’t make enough money. How the fuck has that change? It has gotten worse right? So don’t. Just don’t do it.- -So I just post it here- -I don’t think even that is a good idea cause you are going to obsess about it. Is an other reason to stalk her looking for something that will not happen. That shouldn’t happen. That if it happens is going to be a fucking disgrace. I know you are going to post it anyway because you are sick AND you are an asshole so... ok I’ll say what you want me to say so you’ll have your little ending to this shit. “So Javier, any last words?”- -Yes, I miss sleeping with her more than anything. And her tits, I really really missher tits.- -Fucking asshole man-

#fucking love #pandaporfavor #panda #insanity #dialogue #love

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