#i need to portray them in a way that's relatable but terrifyingly personal if you know the meaning

[as-rare-as-trees]

Shaking and growling and gnawing on something, I'm not saying that putting all -this- into art would fix me, but maybe I'm saying exactly that

[thosch3i]

So here's my personal ranking of DMBJ adaptations, thanks @mejomonster for the idea :D

(but psst first if anyone seeing this post haven't seen it already, there's an interest check for a pingxie gift exchange! over here.)

1. Ultimate Note (2020)

So I wrote a long ass post about UN here, where I mainly talk about the Iron Triangle because they're the heart of DMBJ and their relationship is what makes or breaks an adaptation for me, all else equal. But thankfully UN also has good pacing, faithfulness to the original story (and honestly a smoother and less confusing way of portraying it, but thats not saying much), no exceptionally cringy added romance plot lines, female characters treated as well as they can be given they were fridged in the source material, and a cast and crew with a deep appreciation and love for the characters and story, making the most of what they could with a tiny budget and no promotion. (UN is now the most highly-rated DMBJ adaptation on douban!) The main cast is a bit green, no doubt, but the longer it goes on the better they get. (If you scroll through my #translation tag far enough you'll find stuff XYL and ZSX have said about their characters. XYL especially, really understands Zhang Qiling and I will always respect him for that, which is why he's my favorite Xiaoge.) I'm just eternally sad about the ending and that there probably won't be a S2 for the main story finale because NPSS won't sell the rights again.

2. The Lost Tomb 2 (2019)

Before UN came out, this was my favorite Iron Triangle. The Pangzi and Xiaoge friendship was also super cute here! A sorely underrated friendship, for sure. And I absolutely adore TLT2 Xiao Hua. He and UN Xiuxiu would make a great team. The entirety of the first half (undersea tomb) was remarkably true to the source material (despite being unnecessarily draggy at points), and I do like that they made the Bronze Tree arc more of an Iron Triangle thing than a Wu Xie solo mission like in the novel. But uh, the second half of this drama was just...really confusing lol with so many long shots of them trudging through snow endlessly. But it's a cute Pingxie and Iron Triangle. (Saw someone once say TLT2 is the fluffy Pingxie but UN is the angsty Pingxie, which......accurate tbh.) But...man...will TLT2.5 (Heavenly Palace) ever be released from jail ;;;;;; its supposedly already filmed (different cast) but can't air for...legal reasons? idk? ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

3. Time Raiders (2016)

A wacky movie that makes no logical sense whatsoever but God it was such a fun, wild watch lmao. Pingxie were so unnecessarily gay in this, and also TLT2 Pangzi is great as always. I liked A-Ning being a total badass as well. Movie gets a bit sad when you realize there's a deleted scene canonizing the movie as book!Wu Xie's wishful thinking and fanciful story he told because he misses his friends. In reality, Pan Zi and A-Ning are dead, his San-shu is missing, and he doesn't know if he'll see Xiaoge again (which is why TR!WX is always taking photos of him, I'd say).

4. Qinling Sacred Tree Donghua (2021)

So uh this still doesn't have official English subs (you can find it on a streaming site somewhere but I can't vouch for translation quality). But it's a pretty faithful adaptation of the Bronze Tree arc, but with a slight twist to make Xiaoge more relevant. (I'm still squinting at Liang-shiye.) Still largely a Wu Xie and Lao Yang duo mission, though. But the scenery in the donghua is gorgeous and the food looks really good too...and, like, it's a good and solid adaptation. I just wish it had been an Iron Triangle adventure 😅

5. Sha Hai (2018)

Qin Hao is an amazing Sha Hai Wu Xie. I love him, and the fact that ZSX posted a photo with him ;;;;;;;; my favorite Wu Xies ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (fun fact: to this day, QH's Weibo pfp is of himself as Wu Xie!) But anyway. Yeah I mostly just love Wu Xie here and everything he's gone through and turned himself into now that Xiaoge is gone. There are several UN parallels because they were done by the same company (which is also why a lot of the actors are the same). Unfortunately, the whole plot was....??????? and I wasn't a fan of any of the romances, or any of the side characters in general 😅 Skipped...so much of it lol. Why did they do *gestures vaguely at the entire show* Man at least they had Three Days of Silence. Small mercies.

6. The Lost Tomb 1 (2015)

They did Pangzi so dirty, I'm sorry sweetheart. That aside, the OCs were also a big ?????? and the fact that they had the iconic Iron Triangle hotel fight so early...WITHOUT THE FULL IRON TRIANGLE????????? But TLT1 Pingxie were literally a case of love at first sight soulmates so that was sweet. Also the blood feeding. Nice 👌 This Xiaoge is probably what most of the tomb-robbing world (or very casual dmbj fans ig lmao) see when they think of Zhang Qiling: aloof, mysterious, terrifyingly strong, (and kinda 2000s emo-boy-looking for some reason???)

7. The Lost Tomb Reboot (2020)

Confusingly wild deviations from the original story, really cringy romances + fridged women, and unnecessarily dragged out plot aside, I just wasn't feeling the Iron Triangle in this one 😅 Nor was I a fan of the treatment of Xiaoge. (He was stolen from his mother as a baby and abused by the Zhang family ever since, used as a convenient bloodbag to get around tombs and he didn't even understand he was a human being with a heart who could want things until he met his mother again in Three Days of Silence, where he finally regained the "heart" given to him by his mother that the Zhang family had taken from him...and then the first thing he experienced was the loss of his mother. I think this was the only canonical instance of him crying. After that, he lived a life full of mostly loss and more trauma, being kidnapped, kept naked in a basket, and used as zombie bait when he lost his memories...and knowing all this about his past, Pangzi tells him to use his blood in a tomb, enthusiastically, without hesitation. Like...you don't tell your best friend to cut himself because you think his blood might be useful. Especially not your best friend who you know in his past has been abused just like that since birth by his blood-related "family".) I do, however, think all the actors did amazing jobs with what they were given and are very talented. The effects were also good and the music is fantastic too. I don't think I need to praise Z1L's acting because everyone knows how good he is, and he pulled off that hallucination scene where he saw Xiaoge die for him just beautifully 👌 And Xiaoge smiles! Also very cute.

So yeah that's all the adaptations I've seen! It's past 1:30am so I'm a bit rambly but 🤪🤪🤪

[k-s-morgan]

Hi Kat, what do you think of Dumbledore? IMHO, he's one of the most fascinatingly morally grey characters I've ever read about.

A lot of fanfic writers love to bash him and portray him as an idiotic senile old man who likes to poke his nose in others' business. They conveniently forget that he outwitted the most Slytherin out of all of Slytherin House. Granted, Voldemort was amazingly short-sighted and JK could have written a more terrifyingly cunning Dark Lord.

Well, there was Dumbledore’s Wizard Nazi youth with Grindelwald. Perfectly understandable because Ariana's childhood was completely ruined and he learnt just how Muggles can be dangerous. I don't think he ever forgot this epiphany.

For a long time, I wondered how Dumbledore, knowing perfectly well how the Dursleys were pre-disposed to magic, would think they would welcome Harry with open arms. He must have known that emotional abuse and neglect could make Harry an Obscurial. No blood-protection could have ever saved him from that. It's only Harry's innate stubbornness and his contempt of the Dursleys that saved him from what Ariana went through. This is quite possibly the worst thing Dumbledore could have done, along with sending Tom Riddle back to Wool's during the Blitz. Even though it was Dippet who made the decision, he was heavily influenced by Dumbledore and could have, at the very least, arranged to have Tom live in The Leaky Cauldron.

Many times I wondered why Dumbledore didn't simply threaten the Dursleys to treat Harry better. Thinking about it, I could only come to the conclusion that the power disparity between him and the Dursleys made him uncomfortable. As it comes down to, he is a strong wizard who coerced Muggles to look after a child they didn't want.

Another fascinating thing about him is his fear of power. Dumbledore didn't trust himself to hold power and he extended the same mistrust to many others, making himself rather emotionally detached from even those who sincerely loved and admired him. I think Dumbledore trusted himself to do right by the Wizarding World as a whole but not enough for personal gain. Dumbledore was weak to temptations personally (keeping the Invisibility cloak for nearly 10 years and falling prey to the compulsions on the Gaunt Ring when he saw the Resurrection Stone). So I think the only person Dumbledore truly admired and envied was Harry who was strong-willed inna way Dumbledore and Voldemort could never hope to be.

Related ask: I'm very curious if you have any headcannons about grindelwald and dumbledore's relationship that you'd like to share. I've always been drawn to the grindeldore ship for similar reasons that i like tommary (ex: enemies/lovers, moral angst) and i've always been disappointed that so many tommary shippers resent dumbledore, so I really like to hear you talk about the moral complexities of his character (and to hear that someone other than me can sympathize with him lol)

---------------

Hope you both don't mind that I combined your asks because parts of them concern the same topic!

First, about Grindelwald and Dumbledore. I like the idea of their relationship, but for some reason, I'm not really interested in them, so I don't have any specific headcanons.  I do enjoy the idea that they were It for each other and that they could have made it if given another chance, but both had to be more mature and less obsessed with their life goals. I also tend to think that Dumbledore locked himself away for a while after their duel and cried from heartbreak.

As for Dumbledore as a character: I understand what drives him, the decisions he makes, and I have respect for him and his brilliant mind. I can't say I like him a lot, but I also don't dislike him - in my eyes, his worst actions clash with his most vulnerable moments, and so they balance each other out and my attitude is neutral.

@anyariddle, I fully agree with you about Dumbledore being one of the most fascinating morally grey characters. I'm in awe at how excellent his long-term thinking is and how he's capable of calculating everything years, if not decades, ahead; how coldness co-exists with empathy and deep sorrow.

Personally, I have no doubts that Dumbledore left Harry with the Durlseys deliberately to break him down. He heard Minerva's concerns, he must have conducted his own research. He also had Arabella watch Harry for years, and she definitely saw the abuse and reported everything back to him. But this time, unlike how it was with Tom, I believe Dumbledore tried to make sure it's a controlled abuse. If Harry proved to be a sullen boy with dark displays of magic, like Tom was, Dumbledore would have likely removed him from the Dursleys early and tried another approach before it's too late.

But Harry showed the response Dumbledore had been hoping for: he was the perfect material just waiting for someone to show him love and acceptance, eager to give them all his fierce devotion in return. Dumbledore needed someone who'll be ready to sacrifice himself for humanity, someone who never had a home, who'll see Hogwarts and people there as the only light in his life, and who'll cling to it with desperation only lonely and neglected children could show. Dumbledore started early: all the letters he sent to Harry were meant to humiliate the Dursleys and make his first contact with magic pleasant. Harry started to laugh and feel a little bit more powerful; then he got a room, and he quickly linked the letters with something good and welcoming. After getting a home and meeting friends, Harry would die in an instance to protect them.  

Every year, Dumbledore tested Harry to see if he'd be ready to sacrifice himself at the end. In CoS, I believe Dumbledore tried to remove the Horcrux from him via the fang, but it didn't work and he realized Harry would indeed have to die. I have no doubts it broke his heart because he was still harboring hope that one day, Harry would live freely and happily.

In regard to Harry, most his decisions were manipulative in nature, and it's horrifying. In regard to the rest of the world, though, it makes sense because if Harry's death helps save many other people, then it's worth it.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Obscurials came later, in the Fantastic Beasts? I don't really consider these later additions canon - to be honest, there are so many plot-holes there that it drives me mad, and I have no doubts stuff like this wasn't planned from the start, so I don't take it into consideration in my interpretations and analysis. With Blood Magic, it's pretty ineffective as a whole. It doesn't protect Harry outside, and since he spends half of the day (if not longer) there, anyone interested could grab him. Him living at Hogwarts or with one of trusted Order Members would have been far more safe, but in my opinion, Dumbledore wanted a broken child with low self-esteem, and it affected his decisions.

At the same time,  I have no doubts Dumbledore hated himself for this. He sacrificed people, but it was never easy for him. He was confident that he was doing the right thing, and this confidence helped him go on, but it tormented him all the same.

And I agree with you that he didn't trust himself with power and this affected some of his choices. He never became the Minister; he was wary of powerful people. This partly explains his mistakes with Tom: instead of helping a traumatized (albeit creepy) child, Dumbledore kept his distance and remained suspicious. He didn't lift a finger to help, not even when he could (and he had to know Tom was the heir of Slytherin after hearing about talking to snakes yet he still left him in he dark). I don't think Dumbledore hated Tom himself from the first sight, but rather he saw a mirror to himself and Grindelwald - someone young, powerful, and eager for public recognition. And it horrified him.

I think after Grindelwald, Dumbledore dedicated himself to protecting the world from this specific threat so thoroughly that he gave up everything for it. He sacrificed others, but he also sacrificed himself. I doubt he even hoped for Harry's forgiveness, but he still got it because that's who Harry is.  

[mitchsmarners]

i took too many hits off this memory (i need to come down)

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier [reddie]  rating: teen audiences and up chapter warnings: mentions of past drug abuse, mentions of past child abuse in terms of s*nia kaspbrak, mentions of minor character death/near death word count: 3,515 chapter count: 4 of ? summary: Eddie Kaspbrak doesn’t remember much from his childhood. He doesn’t really know he doesn’t remember. He also doesn’t know why he’s so drawn this terrible comedian on tv, but when Eddie runs into him in a bar, and they spend the night together, Eddie’s life is changed forever. It’s finally back on track- and he doesn’t know anything about it

read on ao3. moodboard by @isaacslaheys​​

perma taglist: @jwilliambyers​, @stebbins​, @isaacslaheys​, @s-s-georgie​, @transrich​@eddiefuckinkaspbrak​, @edstozler​, @emgays​, @anellope​, @thorn-harvester-ven​, @wheezyeds​, @vipertooth​, @tozierking​​, @billdenbrough​​, @starrystoziers​​, @trashmouthtozierr​​, @willelbyers​​  @loserslibrary​​ (let me know if you want added!)

June 5 2009

Richie wasn’t sure how to tell his manager that he didn’t want to do stand up anymore. That maybe he’d never really wanted to do stand up. He liked making people laugh, and he vaguely remembered wanting to be a vanquilist when he was a kid but he’d never been able to stop his mouth from moving with the words. It was fitting that now, Richie’s job was almost just exclusively moving his mouth. Richie had gotten terrifyingly good at walking on stage, flicking off his brain and transforming into Trashmouth™. That had long since stopped bothering him, but as his career took off, Richie found himself having to be Trashmouth™ more and more and Richie less and less. He was suddenly surrounded by people who only really saw him as the foul mouthed, sex crazed misogynist his ghost writers had him portrayed as on stage. They’d promised him that kind of shit sold, and they’d been right, but suddenly all his friends actually thought and spoke like Trashmouth™ and it made him queasy. He could only handle sitting through so many homophobic and sexist conversations before he felt Richie would melt right out of him and Trashmouth™ would be all that was left of him. He couldn’t let that happen… he just didn’t know how to tell anybody. 

He was doing a string of shows in Georgia, because Richie’s shows always sold better the further south he went. Richie hated the South, and not just because of his whole bisexuality thing, but because the weather sucked, the accents annoyed him and Richie Tozier did not belong anywhere where the potential of rodeo or circus existed. (Richie Tozier didn’t know anything about the Southern United States). 

Richie had been born in Maine, one of the coldest states in this god forsaken country, and in 1992 his family had moved up north of the border. Richie had come back to the United States after university, because everybody told him that he would be better off getting a job in show business in America rather than Canada. He hadn’t been totally sure that was true, but he’d gotten successful pretty quickly after moving back down here so he wasn’t about to argue it. 

“I don’t know what you’re upset about.” Audra Phillips, one of Richie’s few true friends, was saying to him while packing up Richie’s hotel room. He was so ready to leave the Devil behind, and get started on his break. He was fully debating on going to Canada to see his parents, it had been too long and every phone conversation with his mom felt like a guilty knife to the chest, but Richie had things he needed to take care of.

“You’ve been doing this for years, Rich.” Audra carried on, scowling at one Richie’s ratty overshirts before tossing it directly into the hotel bedside garbage. “You’re good at it, you’re making great money, you get to stay in the nicest hotels and see the country. What else could you possibly want? You’re doing things most people dream of.”

Richie huffed out an aggravated breath. “You’re telling me you never think of leaving all this behind? Not even when paparazzi follow you around the grocery store or TMZ leaks half truths that destroy your relationships.” 

Audra crossed her arms over her chest. “First of all, no, I don’t. I’m living my dreams, Richie, that’s more than most people can say! And when was the last time Paparazzi followed you anywhere? Never? What’s really bugging you out, Richie?”

“I don’t know,” Richie said, only half-lying. “It’s like… sure, I’m doing great financially, and it’s nice that people want to see my shows but it’s not like they actually like me. The person they’re coming to see is basically the anti Richie. If I come out, I will lose all my fans because they’re a bunch of homophobic asstwats because that’s the audience I have to cater to.”

“Are you thinking of coming out?” Audra asked.

“Not like… tomorrow, but someday, yeah.” Richie said quietly. “I’m not going to live my life in the closet. It’s not like it’s the 1980s anymore. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my shows and how coming out would basically make all my content unuseable, I probably would have come out already. Or at least not been so hard on sneaking around.”

Audra dropped down on the hotel bed and smiled sadly up at him. “You shouldn’t have to live a lie forever, Richie, but you’ve got to be reasonable about this, too. You can’t just up and quit, you know that. You’re on a contract, Steve will not hesitate to sue the fuck out of you if you try to skimp out-” 

“My contract ends with this tour,” Richie said. “That’s why I’ve been thinking about it so much, they’re trying to get me to sign  on for another three years and I just… I’m 30, Auds. I don’t want to spend another three years of my life touring around to states to hate, telling jokes I don’t relate to and letting people think I can for things that I don’t. I hate that people can use my acts to justify their bullshit, you know? Three more years of that would literally make me want to kill myself.”

Audra froze for a moment, then shook her head. “If you’re having thoughts again then we can-”

“No.” Richie snapped. “It’s not like that, and before you ask- no, I’m not using anymore. I’m not going down any sort of self destructive path. I’m just… tired. I’m 30, and I’m in the closet and I’m tired.” 

Audra nodded slowly. “Okay, then here’s what you’ve got to do, then. Go to talk to somebody at your bank today before you head out, just see what you’re looking at financially. Figure out how long you can bank on your ass without working while you figure out what you want to do. Then go home and see your momma, because she probably misses you, and tell Steve that you will give them an answer to resigning when you get back.”

“And what if I don’t want to come back?” Richie asked quietly.

“Then you don’t have to.” Audra said simply. “But Steve the bullshit excuse anyway. It’ll get you across the border way easier then if you tell him that you tell him to go fuck himself and that his biggest profit client is leaving him.”

There was only one branch of Richie’s bank in Atlanta, and Richie took a moment to appreciate Steve’s power as he was ushered through the bank and immediately back to meet with one of their accountants. The man on the other side of the desk wore a simple grey suit with the jacket draped over the back of his chair. His white button up shirt was rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was in tight, proper brown curls around his head. He was, in short, somebody who usually made Richie’s mouth water just at the sight but for some reason, he wasn’t attracted to the man despite how his energy put Richie immediately at ease.

STANLEY URIS, according to the sign on his desk, gave Richie a polite smile. “So, Mr. Tozier, what can we help you with today?”

Richie let out a long, slow sigh. “I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m here because I wanna quit my job, but my best friend told me that I should make sure that isn’t the world’s worst idea ever.”

Stanley Uris chuckled, and clicked on a few things on his computer. “I’m not usually prone to telling people to quit their jobs, but based on your accounts here, you’d be able to make due for at least a year if not more on your savings only. Permitting you don’t go around making any outrageous and sentrous purchases. Basic costs of living wouldn’t be a concern for a while.”

Richie had already known that, mostly. He’d only agreed to come here to soothe Audra’s nerves. Money hadn’t been a concern of Richie’s in many years, but it was nice to know he’d be okay for a while while he figured out what it was he wanted from life. What he could do. 

Stanley turned in his chair and met Richie’s gaze with a wiry look. “I’m not prone to getting involved with my consults personal lives, but I have to ask Mr Tozier- why are you thinking of quitting your job? I won’t pretend your particular brand of comedy is up my alley, but you seem to have made a name for yourself in the business. Is it wise of you to walk away now?”

Richie blinked. “I don’t know anything about what’s wise or what isn’t, I never have. But I do know that this name I’ve made for myself, like you said, isn’t the name I want to carry forever. It isn’t me, and I guess I want the world to see me for who I am now.” 

“Well.” Stanley’s lips twitched up in a hint of smile. “As you inquired, you’d certainly be able to make due for a quite a while figuring out what it is you want your name to be, Mr. Tozier. And a piece of advice, if I may?” Richie nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to find yourself, Richie. I went through most of my life mocked for who I was, or who I hung around, or what my religious beliefs were. And it stung for a long time, but I’m glad that I stuck it out. I’m a loser and I always fucking will be. It’s often not worth it to put on a mask and pretend all the time. Be who you want to be, be proud.” 

Richie definitely was not tearing up in the middle of a bank office. This strange accountant had somehow struck something deep within Richie that not even his trained therapist or NA sponsors had ever been able to reach. Almost like he knew… but that wasn’t possible.

“Yeah.” Richie said through a voice crack. “Thanks, Stan the Man. I’ll do that.”

Richie made a quick exit from the bank, truly worried for a moment that he might begin to cry in the middle of this poor man’s office. He made a rushed phone call to Steve, just Audra had advised, telling him that he needed some time to clear his head and he was going back to Canada for the short while between legs of his stand up tour. That he’d have an answer for Steve regarding his contract when he got back. Steve hadn’t been thrilled with the whole thing, but Richie supposed he was thankful that it wasn’t a straight up no. Previous attempts at negotiation hadn’t looked good, and Richie knew that. 

As Richie was getting onto the plane, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, ready to turn the device off as he boarded and he frowned at the notification. Steve had said he was going to give Richie the space he’d requested and he usually waited a couple days before he broke those promises.

Hey Richie. I know you said you needed time but SNL is interested in signing you as a full time cast member when your tour is over. Call me when you land. -Steve. 

“Aren’t you worried about the cold?” Eddie Kaspbrak asked, legs draped over Richie’s in the front steps of the Tozier house. It was nearly completely packed up, the family only waiting for the school year to finish out before they took off. They wouldn’t even be staying for the summer. Eddie wished he’d known that last summer was truly going to be their last summer. 

“Why would I be worried about the cold?” Richie replied with a snort. “We live in Maine, Eddie boy! I’m used to the cold by now.”

Eddie wrinkled his nose and smacked Richie in the shoulder. “In the winter, sure! But Canada- That’s winter all year ‘round, isn’t it? Won’t you miss swimming and shorts? How are people supposed to know that you have terrible fashion sense if you have to dress in parkas all year long?”

Richie laughed, and it made Eddie’s heart flutter in his chest. “Canada has four seasons just like every other country, Eds! My momma says that their summers can even get pretty hot. It’s not a land of make belief, or anything. Why are you hating on it so bad?”

“I’m not hating on anything.” But Eddie thought maybe he did hate Canada, a little bit. He hated that Richie was moving to Canada, a whole other country. It was hard enough when Beverly moved to Portland and Ben moved to another state. Another country might as well be an entire other world. Mike believed that the further people got away from Derry, the more they forgot and Eddie was having a particularly hard time thinking about Richie forgetting him while possibly living in a snowbank.

“Stop.” Richie suddenly groaned. He reached out and shook Eddie’s shoulders. “Stop thinking so damn hard, you’re making my head hurt. I don’t wanna think about it, and I don’t want you thinking about it! We can’t stop it, so can we please just spend the next month having fun and being us and NOT thinking about it?”

Eddie sighed and in a moment of weakness, dropped his head down to rest on Richie’s shoulders. He knew they were out in the open, that anybody could walk past and just… see them like this. It wasn’t safe, but for the moment, Eddie didn’t care. Derry was already hell, and nothing could make it worse than Richie leaving. 

“I’m not trying to dwell on it.” Eddie said quietly, curling up into Richie’s side fully. “I’m not, it’s just…”

“Nah, yeah, I get it.” Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder and jostled him slightly. “But there’s no sense stressing about the things we can’t control, you know? Life in the moment, Eddie my love!” 

Eddie exhaled hard. “Richie… I need to tell you something.” 

August 10 2009

Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports. There was something about the energy in the place that just made Eddie feel wild and horrible. He always drove himself, always. No matter how many times people told him that flying was safer than driving, that it was stupid to drive across country when flying could get him somewhere within a day. Eddie Kaspbrak hadn’t flown since 1999 on a forced family vacation with his mother and aunts. Until today. 

Eddie would much rather be making the drive to Derry rather than getting on a plane at JFK but his aunt Darlene had insisted that Eddie fly out to Bangor, that six hours was much too long. His mother might not last that long, and Eddie would so regret it if he wasn’t there with her when she passed. Eddie wasn’t sure if that was true, but he’d bought the last minute plane ticket anyway. He wasn’t too sure what a difference five hours would make, but it was never worth it arguing with his mother or his aunts. 

From what Aunt Darlene had told him, Sonia Kaspbrak was as good as gone already. A stroke, late last night. The doctors weren’t hopeful for any recovery, or even for the woman to regain consciousness. It left a sick feeling in Eddie’s stomach, thinking of his mother in a hospital bed, as good as gone and being kept alive by machines. It made him feel even sicker to know that it was exactly how she’d want to go, holding onto life and sucking up resources and doctor’s time right up until the very end. Eddie had kept his mother at a distance as much as possible since leaving home for college, and in the last two years he hadn’t spoken to her at all. He’d felt no desire to. She’d made his life hard, so much harder than it had ever needed to be. He was certain that if it hadn’t been for her, he would have come out long before he did. Myra would never have happened. To this day, at 30 years old, Eddie was still trying to figure out what things are true and what are lies from her influence. He wasn’t sure he ever wasn’t going to fuck up from her, and maybe she didn’t deserve him by her bedside at all. Kay had told him that she didn’t, that Eddie shouldn’t put himself through it. He didn’t owe her a goddamn thing, and Eddie knew she was right.

Eddie Kaspbrak hated airports, he hated flying, he hated goddamn Maine and he fucking hated his mother. His plane was going to start to board any minute and Eddie was still sitting in the waiting area with his emergency overnight bag tightly in his grip. He was rapidly running out of time to make good on this plane ticket that he’d bought on his messley cab driver salary. 

“Well, I’ll be damned.” A familiar voice carried over to Eddie through the waiting room. “Is that Eddie fucking Kaspbrak?”

Eddie turned in his seat, and grinned when he noticed none other than Richie Tozier walking towards him. His clothes were rumbled and he had a five o’clock shadow around his jaw that made Eddie’s stomach tighten. It was almost weird how little Richie Tozier crossed his mind, despite how intense his reaction was every time he saw him or even thought about him for too long. 

“Richie Tozier,” Eddie said slowly, face breaking into a grin. He stood and walked over to Richie, with his overnight slung over his shoulder. “Back in the world of the living I see. I think your fans were starting to think you died somewhere.”

“Awe, Eds. You been keeping tabs on lil ol’ me?” Richie chuckled, reaching out to pinch at Eddie’s cheeks. “No need to worry, Eddie boy. I was merely taking some me time in the great white North. My parents live in Canada, I went to visit them and clear my head.” 

Eddie’s chest twinged. “Well, welcome back to civilization then, I guess.”

“You’ve always been Canadianphobic huh, Eds?” Richie laughed but Eddie frowned deeply.

“What do you mean always?” 

Eddie and Richie looked at each other for a long moment, before Richie shook his head. “I don’t know, you just strike me as the type, I guess. What are you doing here? You don’t really strike me as the flying type.”

Eddie shuddered. “God, I’m not.” He said honestly. “But my mom is dying or some shit, and my aunt is pitching some drama fit about how a six hour car drive is too long so I have to take the plane.” 

Richie froze for a moment, mouth half open and eyes wide. Eddie braced himself for the evitable awkward apologies and sympathies that always came with the whole dead parent card. 

“That sucks man.” Richie said finally, with a shrug. “You going back to Derry all by yourself?”

Eddie had given up on trying to figure out how Richie just seemed to know things about him. It wasn’t even that weird anymore. “Yeah.” He answered with a sigh. “If I get my shit together and actually catch my plane. I’m cutting it pretty close.”

“Well…” Richie gave Eddie a soft smile. “If you didn’t want to take the trip alone, I’m not doing anything interesting. I’m supposed to be settling into my new apartment but that’s boring and I think it would be way more to go back to Derry with you and wreak havoc on your aunts.” 

“You’re moving to New York?” Eddie asked with wide eyes. He tried not to think about how a big reason he and Richie had never really been together was the constant distance and Richie’s travelling. He wasn’t sure Richie had even had a home before. 

“Yeah.” Richie suddenly seemed embarrassed. “I was trying to get out of the whole stand up game, and my manager got me a steady gig on Saturday Night Live.” 

“SNL?” Eddie gasped. “Richie! That’s huge! Congratulations!”

Richie’s cheeks reddened. “Thanks, man. But I’m serious about the offer. It’s no skin off my back at all. We can go see if they have tickets left, how many people could possibly be going to fucking Maine?”

Eddie should say no. It couldn’t bring Richie home with him, to his crazy aunts and his dead mother. To Derry at all. Eddie barely remembered Derry, outside of spending almost all his time locked up in his bedroom. But he remembered enough to know that it was a horrible place, almost like it was permanently stuck in the 1950s and there was something… evil about that place. Just thinking of it made Eddie’s palms sweat and knees shake. But on the other hand…

“It wouldn’t be good for our friendship for me to reject you twice at this stupid airport.” Eddie said, forcing his voice to be light. “Let’s go.” 

[letsbfrank4]

Book Review: YOU

Rating: ☕☕☕☕☕

Title: YOU Author: Caroline Kepnes Publisher: Emily Bestler Books / ATRIA Genres: Fiction, Thriller Pages: 424 Format: Paperback

“If we were teenagers, I could kiss you. But I’m on a platform behind a counter wearing a name tag and we’re too old to be young. Night moves don’t work in the morning, and light pours in through the windows.”

“He won’t listen or learn or bend and I’m losing patience with him, with life, with humans.”

“…I am going to have to choose between you and the pieces of you currently stored in a box…”

“…I killed for you. I deserve you.”

   When I was watching the show YOU on Netflix I couldn’t help but feel that the script sounded just like a book. After searching on Google, sure enough, I found that it was a book. Since I enjoyed watching the show I had to see how the book would compare. I was not let down. The book is much more dark and sinister than the show which made for such a great read. I can’t remember the last time I read through a book this quickly. Warnings before reading this book includes: sexually explicit content and language, drug use, violence/abuse. SPOILERS are included in this review. Skip to the last paragraph for my rating and conclusion.     In today’s day and age social media is everywhere. We’ve all been told to be careful of what we put on the internet because we don’t know who may be reading it. Not to mention we have all had that moment of weakness when we did a little too much “research” on a person whether it be a friend, ex, or even a celebrity. This book does a great job showing how dark the web can get and a lot of the fear factor that comes from this book stems from how realistic this situation can be.     Kepnes’s style of writing was magnetic, borderline stream of consciousness. The reader felt like they were inside Joe’s head, watching life happen through his eyes. In the beginning of the book the reader can validate and relate to what Joe is doing, little things like noticing a name on a credit card, what she likes to read, seeing her on Facebook, etc. However, as the book progresses it gets harder and harder for the reader to validate what Joe is doing. Going through that transition is scary because it is easy to see how blurred the lines can get (especially if you don’t know where they stop). I know I was trying to figure out when I went from rooting for Joe to screaming for Beck to run.     The conclusion did a wonderful job of tying up the loose ends, for now. It was a great way to get Joe off the hook and out of the threatening zone of getting caught. The very last paragraph was terrifyingly cold. Joe replaces Beck so easily. Beck becomes just another Candace.     The reader becomes so close to Joe throughout the book. It was incredible to watch as the reader and Joe start to form a dialogue of their own. All the inside jokes: minutes to hours to days (time telling), such small hands, secret knowledge of the green pillow, etc. Then to see Joe doing the exact same thing with Beck and watching how they create their own language: different/hot, engine engine number 9, everythingship, solipsistic, etc; the shared content in brilliant.     When it came to Beck’s character I wasn’t very happy with the way she was portrayed. I’m not sure whether it was Joe getting to my head but the book made it seem like Beck was asking for all this attention, if you play with fire don’t be upset if you get burned. I would have liked it more if Beck was painted in a more innocent victim type light. Throw some curtains in her apartment, they could have been in need of repair from falling off the wall or something along those lines. Make her more of a girl next door and not have men thinking she is sex on a stick. I didn’t like how Beck did all these careless type things and then that justifies all this drama leaking into her life.     A lot of this book was based off situations that are fairly realistic but I thought that Beck’s phone not being deactivated wasn’t realistic at all. Even if someone else is paying the bill any normal person would have to phone turned off. Why? Because your information is in it!     I would have liked more information on Candace. Was she his first normal relationship? His only? Or was she his first victim? What was she like in comparison to Beck? Does Joe have a type or can any girl fall victim to his obsessions? So many questions.     Now that I have a majority of the basic review out of the way I do have some topics that I would like to talk about, some notes and other things that I noticed while reading.     First, when it comes to the murders there is a lot of commonalities between the way the murders are written and Joe’s feelings towards the victim. Joe’s first kill in the story is Benji. Joe couldn’t care less about Benji and his killing showed that. Joe just hoped that Benji was telling the truth about his allergies. There aren’t really any details as to how Benji dies and his body is gotten rid of in a way where no one will ever find him, erased from everyone’s lives because he is that unimportant. Peach’s death included a failed attempt and a very physical altercation and struggle. Joe was constantly battling Peach for Beck and Peach’s death emphasizes how much Joe was trying to snuff her out. However, just like how Peach kept upping one up on Joe, her body resurfaces despite how hard Joe tried to keep it sunk. Moving on to Candace, the reader doesn’t know much about her death. Like Candace’s story her death is short and passionate. We know Joe loved her and was betrayed by her. Candace’s death was a crime of passion and Joe just wanted to drown out the fact that she was leaving him. Dr. Nicky, while not a death, was an attempt. Joe did a lot of research on Dr. Nicky. Joe wasn’t 100 percent sure that he was sleeping with Beck when he wanted to get rid of him. Hence, Joe didn’t go through with the killing 100 percent. Right when Joe was about the strike he ends up backing off because of Beck’s call. Finally, it comes to Beck’s death. Beck’s death is very prolonged, Joe struggles with her, thinks she is dead, gets upset, Beck is alive, struggles again, Beck hurt Joe, Joe actually kills Beck and feels glad but then upset again. Just like their relationship it is not only passionate and complicated but ultimately deadly. Joe struggles with his emotions when getting rid of her body, he loves her but can’t keep her. The epic story comes to a tragic end. All these deaths are reflective of each individual person.     Next, Peach’s character is interesting and adds a plot twist to this already creepy story. When we first meet Peach she seems like an obstacle, in the way of Joe getting the girl. The reader starts to root for Joe to get past this girl Peach but then they wonder if Peach is just doing her job, being the protective friend that she is (keeping her best friend safe from strange stalker guys). Then the plot twist happens and it turns out Peach is just as creepy and just as big of a stalker as Joe. Then it becomes a battle of the stalkers. This goes to show the reader that there can be more than just one threat out there.    The last parallel that I want to make is when Joe seems to compare Beck with books. Joe goes through a big speech about how books can suck you in, make you leave everything behind, fall in love, become enraptured by them, and then they disappear. Later on in the book Joe describes Beck’s death in this way. He talks about how she is flawed just like the books in his store and how she has ended and left him, he even shoves pages of a book in her mouth while she is dying. Then the book ends with Joe moving on to a different “book” and starting the whole pattern up again.     I know that this review is a little on the longer side but there was so much to be said for this book. I cannot give this book a 5 out of 5 All Nighter Worthy rating enough. I could not put this book down. If you want a page turner and nail biter this is a good choice. Would I recommend this book? Yes, I was already recommending this book before I even finished it. YOU has definitely made it to the top end of my favorites list. Naturally, the show on Netflix is good too, so be sure to check that out as well. I’m already on the hunt for Kepnes’s next book Hidden Bodies.

Summary: When a beautiful, aspiring writer strides into the East Village bookstore where Joe Goldberg works, he does what anyone would do: he googles the name on her credit care. There is only one Guinevere Beck in New York City. She has a public Facebook account and tweets incessantly, telling Joe everything he needs to know: she is simply Beck to her friends, she went to Brown University, she lives on Bank Street, and she’ee be at a bar in Brooklyn tonight- the perfect place for a “chance” meeting. As Joe invisibly and obsessively takes control of Beck’s life, he begins quietly removing the obstacles that stand in their way. Joe will do anything to ensure Beck finds herself in his waiting arms- even if it means murder.

[chromsai]

Sai, I just went and watched Yugioh Everything's video on Yusaku and Aoi having Autism and Depresson, respectively. While he makes some solids points and I agree with them having mental problems, he basically said Vrains is the first yugioh to talk about 'such dark topics.' If your up to it could you bring up some characters in previous ygo series (Arc-V or all your choice) that implied to have mental problems cause Vrains is not the first by a long shot lmao.

Lmao sorry this answer is kinda late since the past few days have been busy for me and ironically enough you sent this right when I just got back from a grad school info session (regarding psych programs ofc) which made me realize I kinda wanna pursue a career more along research in the field of abnormal psychology which is one of my stronger areas of knowledge in psychology already anyway. I just really like it that much.

So yeah I did see this ask like almost right when you sent it but it was late and I had just gotten home after a nice day and YE’s videos haven’t been making me too happy lately so ofc sorry I kinda avoided watching it that night cuz I didn’t wanna ruin my nice day (just in case). But now that I watched it, well as far as I can remember he didn’t outright say that this is the first time a Yugioh’s dealt with these issues before (but I can see how you got that he perhaps implied it).

That all being said, I still have just a, I’d say, general yet above-average knowledge in these subjects (hey I have a degree in Psych, yes, but that doesn’t make me an expert by any means and I’m not afraid to say that, hell I love learning new things about psych all the time) so please keep that in mind (also please keep in mind too that I cannot professionally diagnose anyone, but for the sake of discussion about the psychology in fiction, I can definitely give my thoughts on what would be the most probably diagnosis for certain characters). Besides that though, if YE does actually believe that this is the first time these kinds of issues have ever been dealt with in Yugioh, well wow idk how much he’s been paying attention before this...

(Long read with further examples + explanations from characters in each series under the cut)

Regarding his statements on the Vrains characters and the disorders he mentioned, I’ll give it to him. In fact, I too am pretty sure by now that all of Yusaku’s “quirks” point to Autism, though, and YE didn’t mention this so idk how knowledgeable he is regarding other personality disorders, he also seems to show symptoms of OCPD (obsessive-compulsive); these include being obsessed or preoccupied with making lists and keeping track of small details, over preoccupation with work or meeting goals to the point of neglecting your social life or forming close relations, unwillingness to see ethics or values in someone else’ light, being stubborn, etc. Wouldn’t surprise me if he has both since there’s a high co-morbidity between ASD and OCPD.

In regards to Aoi, again yes I agree. Girl has depression. It’s very obvious (this I can say with confidence as someone who has suffered previously from it [note: I sought help and let’s just say I’m very glad I did]. The Paranoid Personality Disorder... (I’m gonna be honest.... I didn’t pay enough attention to Aoi’s character enough to determine a firmer answer and I don’t really feel like rewatching the ep). According to him, it’s a possible thing. He did mention that she could just be acting that way because her whole entire life she’s been kinda used so she has a general distrust of people, but that’s just the thing. If in fact he’s correct about her symptoms matching up, it doesn’t necessarily matter if she’s acting this way due to her childhood trauma, in fact, that’s even more reason to validate her suffering from PPD (another area I feel more confident about in psych is child/adolescent development and hey guess what, lots of personality disorder symptoms start showing up during childhood or are even a direct cause of childhood trauma).

Speaking of childhood trauma, you wanted to know characters from other series that have mental illnesses/suffer from personality disorders? Well... (*cough cough* as a psychologist, why do you think I enjoyed Arc V so much?)...Here’s a quick list of just a few select characters I can think of:Arc V:-Yuya (remember, the childhood trauma I mentioned): Oh my poor boy suffers from dysthymia. Again, I’m pretty confident here because I can relate (because I suffer from it too ahaha). While we don’t know exactly for how long, it’s been at least three years with it (ugh) since his father’s disappearance and all the bullying. He shows so many signs of it throughout the show (it would be pointless to get screencaps because the signs are literally everywhere): dysthymia (sometimes called “persistent depressive disorder”) is noted by sadness, anger, irritability, mood swings, loss of appetite, insomnia (did you notice in Synchro when we was feeling depressed in his room he didn’t eat at all and stayed up all night despite being noticeably tired), indecisiveness, low self-esteem, among others. I’m sure people might argue against me, trying to say “oh well he’s energetic for the most part and still smiles a lot” well guess what, there’s lots of entertainers, comedians, performers, and just overall really sociable people who do a terrifyingly good job hiding it.I saw someone once mention that they headcanoned Yuya also has Histrionic Personality Disorder and well... he actually does show signs of it but not so much that he actually meets criteria. Even for being an entertainer tho, he shows this more than the others (either Dennis, Yuzu, or even Yusho), but again, can’t be diagnosed with it.Lastly, and this is more of a post-canon thought regarding the prognosis of his mental health... he’s definitely gonna deal with some dissociative symptoms for the rest of his life (or until somehow, some way they find a way to separate him and the other Yuus, and even then still...). There is just no way in hell you can convince me that he’s not gonna experience dissociation on a regular basis with 3 other people living inside him. Same goes for Yuzu. (Side note: RIP my heart.)

-Shun: He suffers from PTSD. Oh man he’s kind of textbook PTSD: irritableness, mistrust, social issolation, flashbacks, hostility, fear, anxiety, paranoia, agitation, hyper-vigilance, etc. (I’d also say Yuto and Kaito suffer this too).

-Reria: Also suffers from PTSD, but since Reira is much younger, coping with childhood PTSD is a lot harder and leads to more frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, intrusive or unwanted thoughts, nightmares, avoidant behavior, etc.

-Yuri: Conduct Disorder, aka the precursor to Antisocial Personality Disorder. He’s 14 so he can’t really be diagnosed as the second. Anyways, what really tipped me off about him having this is his blatant disregard for any remorse towards harming others. He just doesn’t feel it. On the contrary, he straight up says he enjoys it, says he needs it “just like breathing”, he’s an overall really violent kid and starts fights with literally anyone that gets in his way (like... it’s even his catchphrase “You’re in my way!”), has no knows long term close relationships with anyone (reeaaally wish they had given us more of him and Dennis together tho...), and he’s known to deceive, trick, or lie to others with no guilt at all. (He’s also seen as similar to past villains of Yugioh, outright disproving the implication that Vrains is the first Yugioh to deal with personality or mental disorder issues).

-Zarc: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Again, another textbook example. And yes, similar to Aoi’s possible Paranoid Personality Disorder, this is canonically induced into his personality as a result of the society he lived in praising his violent duel style and eventual lust for power due in part to the same reason. But just because it was induced due to circumstance doesn’t make it any less valid. It’s another form of trauma, just like Aoi’s whole “being used all her life” led her to develop PDD.

And well there’s more examples in Arc V (you can also argue that Shingo also suffers from NPD to some extent, etc.) but I think those are the biggest ones I can think of right now.

And of course, though I’ve seen them all, I know Arc V the best + it’s just the one that’s in my most recent memory so it’s easier to talk about them, but some other quick examples from the series that I can think of:

DM:-Kaiba: Again, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.-Marik: I think he’s a strong candidate for being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (at least the way his villainous arc portrayed him as).-Bakura: Actually an adult so actual Antisocial Personality Disorder.

GX:-Judai: Depression & Dissociation. Yep.-Ryo Marufuji/Hell Kaiser: Definitely could argue that he displays signs of Sadisitic Personality Disorder, just keep in mind that it is no longer included in the DSM-V so it is not something someone would be typically diagnosed with professionally.-Manjoume: Another Narcissist.

5D’s:-Jack Atlas: Okay so he’s more of an accurate example of Histrionic Personality Disorder, minus the sexual criteria (which, if the Yugioh anime genre/audience allowed, I’m sure would be plausible since he also displays signs of NPD, implying that he might actually want that kind of physical/superficial attention).-Aki: Also like Aoi, displayed symptoms of PPD, though I’d argue she definitely has it and just learns to cope over time after befriending Yusei & co.-Sherry: Shows signs of high functioning ASD (being perfectionist and being obsessed with finding out about her parents murder), but ASD isn’t something I’m too confident talking about yet so maybe don’t quote me on this.-Divine: I’d say you can argue he’s has Antisocial Personality Disorder.

Zexal:-Vector: Another one with.... I mean... he’s not really 13 or 14, he’s actually, what, like 100s of years old? So instead of Conduct Disorder, he actually has Antisocial... technically...-Fuya: OOOOOHHHH You thought I wouldn’t remember a character like him??? (Again, as a psychologist, these are the characters I like the most). He’s memorable to me, despite being a minor character, cuz I’d say he definitely displays signs of having Avoidant Personality Disorder, especially with regards to using his Esper Robin personality to avoid all those intrusive, self-conscious thoughts he doesn’t find pleasant.-Shark/Ryoga/Nasch: Also has PTSD.-IV: He’s borderline Antisocial. Not quite. But almost there.

OOOKAYY Well anyways, those were just a bunch of examples. There’s way more, I’m sure that I missed A TON. But yes it’s as you said, Vrains is definitely NOT the first time in Yugioh history where characters have had to struggle with mental health / personality disorder issues. Far from it.

And wow actually thank you for the ask! This was really fun to think about and I welcome the discussion any time! Anyone, don’t be afraid to let me know if there’s stuff I might have left out or if there’s anything wrong with this or any arguments for or against any of this.