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mosylufanfic · 3 years

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Whatever Happened to Tuesday

One last reaction fic! Please excuse any inaccuracies, since I’ve only watched clips and gifsets. I’m not strong enough to watch the whole episode.

Edited to correct a detail about Frost, thanks @thatkillervibe!

Whatever Happened to Tuesday

Cisco slouched into the couch, grinning as he watched Barry shred on air guitar, hair flying as he sang his latest karaoke song without having to look at the screen.

This was nice. This whole evening had been nice. The four of them, like they had been in the beginning.

No Wells, though.

Still, that was right, too. He'd idolized the original Wells, the one who hadn't been Wells at all. There had always been a quiet thrum of anxiety down his spine when he was around Wells, as if this time was the time he would disappoint the older man, and see the pride in his eyes dissolve.

Thawne had probably known that. Probably encouraged it in a dozen subtle ways.

Joe had never made him feel that way, even though he was of an age with Wells/Thawne, and Cisco's own pop, who had always looked at him with disappointment. No, with Joe it had always been steady belief and quiet support, right up to the moment earlier in the evening when he'd extended an open invitation to stay .

Not that Cisco would take him up on it. Or at least, not too much. Joe totally meant it, but he also had Cecile and Jenna in the house, his own little family.

It was good to have some time with Barry, too. Not that Iris wasn't awesome, but sometimes when she was around, it felt like Barry was only with her and the rest of them were sort of set dressing.

Which was fine, she was his wife and the love of his life. That was how these things went. But it was hard not to miss Barry sometimes.

And Caitlin was smiling and laughing too, the quiet worry that tightened her mouth and the corners of her eyes softened for a few hours. He was going to need to keep up on that sitch from Star City. Frost could take care of herself, obviously, but that wouldn’t stop Caitlin from obsessing about her sister’s safety while she was on the lam.

Did it make him a bad friend if he was kind of relieved not to have Frost's chilly presence in the room? He was beginning to warm up - ha, ha - to her. But she wasn't Caitlin. That had been the whole problem.

Don't think about it, he told himself, crunching a carrot stick from the tray on the coffee table. Just enjoy having Caitlin here with you.

Enjoy having all of them here with you.

One last time.

He glanced at her, and she gave him a big grin, her eyes scrunching up into her cheeks so he knew it was real. He grinned back.

With one last furious air guitar chord, Barry finished his song, and they all clapped and cheered and laughed. He laughed too, zipping over to the kitchen and zipping back with a big glass of water. "Cisco," he said, glugging it, "your turn."

"Dude, I did all my songs!"

"Then pick another one!" Barry threw himself into the couch again and started eating celery sticks.

"I could sing," Caitlin said, and laughed when they all yelled "No!" She'd butchered a Taylor Swift song early in the night and had her microphone taken away, as usual.

Cisco strongly suspected that her terrible singing voice was at least fifty percent deliberate, when she was sober, at least. Frost had sing-yelled an Aerosmith song at her birthday party last year and she hadn't been half bad.

Still, faced with the threat of what Caitlin might do to another innocent song, he flipped through the options on his karaoke app. They were all familiar, well-worn like good jeans. Somehow he didn't want to sing any of them, though. He jumped back to the home menu and hit "random."

Weird Al Yankovic? No.

Something in Korean? Um, no.

Van Morrison?

He paused, studying the seventies-tastic album cover with its bubble lettering and folky white guy. The first guitar solo spooled out in his mind, and he moved his fingers on invisible strings.

"Are you going to sing that one?" Caitlin asked, sitting down next to him.

"Maybe," he said.

"It's really pretty."

"Yeah, and it's fun. Sha-la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la," he sang. "La-la tee-da, la-tee-da."

"Brown-Eyed Girl," Joe said from the kitchen. "Van Morrison."

Barry chomped a carrot stick. "Oh yeah, this came out when you were in high school, right?" He grinned a shit-eating grin around the vegetable, well aware that he was off by about twenty years.

"Just for that," Joe said, coming back with a cup of coffee, "I'll tell you that my pop used to sing it to my mama all the time."

"That's not so bad," Barry said, falling into his foster father's trap.

"Mmhm," Joe said, sipping coffee. "Pretty sure that song is why I got conceived."

Barry gagged. "Oh my god. Not Grandma Esther. Please, Joe."

Joe laughed his big, rich laugh. "Son, you remember this when you want to embarrass your own kids in about ten, fifteen years.." He nodded at Cisco. "You too."

Cisco smiled weakly and tried to catch Caitlin's eye to exchange silent glances. But she was fussing with the hem of her - his - Han Shot First t-shirt, trying to fold in a little spot where the thread was coming loose.

He looked back at the screen. Yeah, he should sing this song. His guitar was back home, leaning up against his suitcases to take to Star City with him, but he could probably talk Barry into whisking it over here . . .

Barry grabbed his phone when it lit up. "Heyyyy, Iris and the girls are on their way back," he said.

Caitlin cleared her throat.

"I mean the other girls," Barry said. "You know what I mean."

She shook her head, smiling a little. "You should sing this for Kamilla," she said to Cisco.

For a moment he was confused. Kamilla? She didn't even like oldies . . .

Oh right. Kamilla. His girlfriend. Who had brown eyes.

"You know what, maybe not," he said, flipping back to the home screen of the app.

"Why not? It would be cute," Barry said.

"Yeah, but if you really listen to the lyrics, they're actually kinda sad. Like, he's thinking about this girl that he used to be with and they used to have all this fun and now he's like, where did all that go? He sees her in passing and she's changed so much and all he can think about is the way things used to be . . . " He tapped the "random" button again. "Everything's different now. It's just sad."

Caitlin looked at him for a moment, with her eyes the color of honey and root beer and amber. "Good point," she said. "Maybe something else, then."

FINIS

#Cisco Ramon #Caitlin Snow #Barry Allen #Joe West #a touch of #killervibe #mosylufanfic lives up to her damn name #fanfiction #nooooo this isn't metatextual at allllllllll #the flash

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swiftiephobe · 4 years

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thoughts on edit discourse, aka “you all realise this is meant to be fun?”

okay so buckle up swifties because i have some THOUGHTS about the whole edit discourse, the idea of needing to support editors by reblogging their posts and where i think some of you are a bit... misguided in how you approach sharing content on tumblr.com. this is a long post (i have put it under a cut because it is that long) because i am incapable of saying things concisely and i cannot think of another way to get my points across without having them misrepresented. i know a lot of people might ignore this because it’s a long ass essay, and that is valid <3 i just wanna get these thoughts out there. i do appreciate anyone who chooses to read this and try and understand my point of view. i love editors and the content they create. i do not love the idea that people have to run their blogs and engage with content on this website in a very specific way in order to be acceptable to the community.

also this isn’t directed at any one person in particular. the attitudes i am talking about are pervasive in a large portion of the fandom, and i’ve seen them building for quite a while now. i’m happy to have a respectful discussion about many of the points i’ve made here, as i know a lot of you will disagree with them. the purpose of this post isn’t to “attack” people, it’s to provide a different perspective.

i wanna preface this by talking about when i first started posting edits. i don’t do it a lot now mostly because i’m busy and don’t often feel like it but back in 2017/2018 i really got into editing. i remember when i first taught myself how to make gifs in photoshop, and i made my first gifset, and i was so excited to post it because i was so proud of myself for having created something. so i posted it, and then i kept making and posting gifsets. most of them didn’t get many notes, and frankly a lot of them were not very good because i was still learning, but i still posted them because it was nice to have created something.

one day i posted a gifset and tagged it with some appropriate tags, including tagging some big source blogs. well, one of those big source blogs actually reblogged my gifset! and i was so excited by that. i even went and sent that blog an ask profusely thanking them for reblogging my edit. it’s a bit embarrassing to think about having done that now, but the point is i was so excited to have a blog that i considered “important” reblog my stuff, and of course that led to more notes on the gifset which made me happy. that gifset ended up getting about 150 notes, which still isn’t a lot but it made me happy at the time.

why am i telling this story, you might ask? because i want to put it out there that I GET IT. getting that reblog on that gifset made me, a baby editor, very very happy. ecstatic, even. the fact that i can still remember it now shows how much it meant to me. i was already proud of myself for having created something that i thought was good, but getting that extra bit of external validation to tell me that what i had created was actually good felt special. so i understand why editors want people to reblog their work. it makes us feel good to see that others are enjoying what we’ve made enough to want to share it with others.

so i kept making edits, some of them got a lot of notes while others really didn’t. i continued to learn new things about editing, i played around in photoshop and got excited every time i realised a new thing i could do with one of the tools. some of the edits i made were a lot of work, and i was very proud of them, and i still am very proud of them. a lot of those edits that hold a special place in my heart did not get many notes. one edit that i made (which was a url graphic for another person) took hours and a lot of hard work trying to figure out how to make my idea happen, and i think now it has less than ten notes.

sometimes i look back through my edit tag and i see edits like that one, that i loved making and thought turned out very well, but have relatively very few notes. and honestly? when i look at them, i don’t feel sad about the number of notes they have. sure, i think “well, it would’ve been nice if more people had seen this”, but for the most part i still feel damn proud of myself for having made it. i feel happy looking at them because they remind me of when i was making them and how much i enjoyed the process.

at the end of the day, editing isn’t something i do as a job, for the sake of meeting a quota or reaching a benchmark of external achievement. it’s a hobby, something i do because i enjoy the process of creating something. i post my edits here so that they can be hosted publicly on my blog, and yes while getting notes is very very nice, it’s not my primary motivation. this year i’ve mostly been making edits for albums that i have enjoyed, some of which have practically no audience on tumblr and so don’t get many notes. and that’s fine. i don’t make them for other people.

which i suppose brings me to a point that i feel like will upset some people, but... the way some of you talk about editing, sometimes it seems like you don’t even enjoy it? i know that’s ridiculous because you all do, and many of you are crazy talented, but when i read people posting about how getting less than 100 notes on an edit makes them want to give up and never post an edit ever again, i frankly have to wonder if you even enjoyed making the edit in the first place, and if not, why did you do it? it just seems like a lot of you have a warped idea that the end goal of making an edit is notes, when in my opinion it really should be for fun. we’re in the taylor swift tumblr fandom. this is meant to be fun, remember? it’s okay to be upset when something you thought was great doesn’t receive as enthusiastic a reception as you were hoping for, but it happens to everyone and it doesn’t mean you, or others, are doing something wrong. if you enjoyed creating something, and you are proud of it, that’s what really matters in the end.

something else i’ve noticed is the extreme policing of how people interact with edits, mostly the notion that you HAVE to reblog edits and anything else is offensive and unacceptable. and sorry, but no. everyone runs their blogs in a different way. some people use their likes as bookmarks for things they want to reblog or queue for later. some people have a specific aesthetic they want to keep for their blog so don’t reblog every single thing, but they still want to acknowledge that they saw your edit and liked it. people have a million reasons why they don’t want to reblog something, and since it is their blog and their space, all of them are valid.

when you post something to a public social media website, you have to accept that people are going to interact with it in the way that suits them most (this is of course excluding hate or stealing, those are not acceptable). if you are seeing a like on your edit and somehow extrapolating it into some “this isn’t good enough” statement, you are reading way too much into it. if people are liking your edit, it’s because they like your edit. is it nice when people reblog your stuff? yes. but people aren’t obligated to do so.

this also applies to the idea of keeping comments in the tags. i agree that commenting in the tags on edits is proper etiquette, and it’s something i always do. but the absolutely vitriol i have seen directed towards people who comment on their reblogs is not okay. i’ve seen people talk about blocking people who comment on their edits. it’s not nice. if you see someone say “i love this!” about your edit and your first thought isn’t “that’s so nice!” but instead “this person said this in the wrong place so i hate it”, please get your priorities straight.

i think most of the discussion surrounding edits starts off in a good place. it’s good to remind people that reblogging edits is the best way to support them, and that it will make people happy. i think that message has been made clear time and time again, but now it’s turning into something more aggressive. you all say that the fandom is “dying” because people don’t interact with edits (as a side note, edits aren’t the only valid form of content in the fandom. funny text posts, theories, discussions and ask games all contribute to the feeling of the fandom being alive just as much as edits do), but all that these rules you’re trying to implement do is scare people away. people will become more and more afraid to interact with anything, for fear of not interacting enough, not interacting in the right way, or not interacting with the right people. and that, ultimately, will do a lot more harm to the fandom than people liking your edits.

#some of y'all bout to be real mad at me but it must be said <3 #i am TERRIFIED of posting this omfg #please don't yell at me i am sensitive

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beca-mitchell · 4 years

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we are the wild youth (1/5)

summary: Beca needs some money to get out of Barden as quickly as possible. It just so happens that an opportunity all but drops in her lap: one Chloe Beale, desperately in need of a tutor to pass her last two classes to graduate.

Warnings for smut and angst and drama. Mainly smut. Rated M/E.

chapter one: fever dream high

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

word count: 3,178

Rated M/E for depictions of coitus. This fic is an AU imagining of PP somewhat: Beca never joins the Bellas and is somewhat of a nerd, Chloe still stays back an extra three years, and there's backstory that was never part of the PP universe. But otherwise, it is set at Barden, Beca still loves music.

Fic title from “Youth” by Daughter. Chapter title from “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift. This fic is based on this gifset.

Read below or on AO3.

Beca just wants to graduate.

The deal she cut with her father is not the best deal in the world, but to him, a degree means something. Something meaningful. Meaningful enough that he’s willing to help her get the fuck out of Atlanta and move to New York. That kind of meaningful.

So in that sense, her degree is meaningful to her too. No time for fucking around.

But, senior year kind of means that she can start to take it easy. She’s almost there. She just needs to continue keeping her guard up long enough to ensure that Jesse still gets the hint she’s not interested in him and she just needs to pass.

Hence why this beginning-of-year party is an anomaly, but she’ll take it if there’s free alcohol and maybe the chance to unwind. Bedmate optional.

Beca isn’t one for parties. Definitely not one for house parties at a frat house.

She supposes these are the people who will end up playing her music in the future, however. Peering around, she grimaces at the very-near-public sex happening right on a couch that looks a little too used. A little too comfortable.

Start-of-term parties are always memorable in their own way. They’re almost formulaic in a sense. Guy gets girl, something valuable will be broken—maybe a television, maybe a heart—and something will go wrong.

Beca likes observing all of this from the outskirts while Jesse, who is the only person daring enough to drag her out of her apartment, floats away like the social butterfly he is.

It’s not that she hates parties, nor is she a recluse, Beca is just kind of tired of college at this point. She had promised her parents at least two years in college before she could head out to Los Angeles and really fulfill her dreams, but it turns out that she kind of needs money for that. Money which she doesn’t really have even if she’s been saving up pennies and quarters since middle school.

School is a safety net. She’s been told that all her life, with no small measure of patronization.

It also kind of sucks that Beca inherited at least a portion of her father’s intelligence. The daughter of a professor? There was no way he was letting her leave Barden without at least degree. Realistically, she inherited his knack for school because she’s kind of good at it. Physics, at least, hasn’t been a problem. Or Calculus.

It’s just fucking boring and she doesn’t even intend on using her degree. And she only chose something deeply rooted in science and math because she thought it would piss him off.

Many errors have been made. Miscalculated, even. Or perhaps more on point, horribly erroneous like a series of wrong notes in the middle of a symphony.

Beca could go on.

She can hear her father’s voice, somehow cutting through the raucous party and lodging deep in her head: “But your little music gigs, Beca? It’s a hobby. Science and math? That’ll get you jobs.” Then in the same breath, without fail: “It’s what your mother would want.”

The forced reminder makes Beca take another swig of cheap beer before she makes her way over to the keg for more. As she turns the corner, she stumbles, bumping into a shockingly solid body. As she drops her thankfully-empty cup, she reaches up to grab on to the arms that have come around her back to steady her.

“Thanks,” she murmurs, lifting her gaze to make some kind of eye contact when she realizes the body she’s pressed against doesn’t belong to yet another generic frat boy. Instead, she feels soft, feminine curves and the slightest hint of firm muscle beneath the fabric of a thin leather jacket.

Shockingly blue eyes stare back at her. “Hi,” she greets.

“Hi,” Beca replies, still stunned. “Um,” she steps back from the stranger’s space. Or...somewhat of a stranger would be a more apt descriptor. She would be remiss if she didn’t acknowledge that she just nearly bowled over Chloe Beale whose last name just happens to be on at least two buildings around school. Chloe Beale who is devastatingly pretty with blue eyes to die for and red hair and a burning smile.

Chloe Beale who is staring at her like she’s seeing her for the first time.

(She probably is.)

“Beca, right?”

Beca swallows. “I—yeah. How…?” Beca shakes her head. “Sorry, I’m not usually this horribly awkward.”

Chloe smiles. “How are you, usually, then? Other than being the most talented radio host Barden has ever had.”

It’s the oddest interaction to be having with a stranger in the middle of a house party. Beca can barely hear her own thoughts.

Chloe seems to read her mind. “Want to go somewhere quieter?”

Beca has never agreed to a cliche more quickly in her life.

- - x - -

It doesn’t take long—in fact, Beca barely gets out the question “How do you know my name?” before Chloe is in her space and pulling her in for a bruising kiss. Beca’s body immediately thrums with excitement and repressed energy and she quickly pushes back at Chloe, determined to at least put up some small measure of a fight against Chloe’s immediate dominance over her.

But she quickly realizes that it feels so much better, letting Chloe take control like this—Chloe whom Beca had no idea even knew she existed, let alone wanted to hook up with her.

Chloe’s breath is hot against her neck while she holds Beca against the dresser. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, Mitchell,” she breathes, voice dripping with promise and pure want.

Beca’s brain short-circuits then, a symphony of jangled notes and endless crescendos. She can only nod weakly, hands scrabbling up Chloe’s back and pulling at the thing fabric of her shirt uselessly before she grabs onto Chloe’s hair and pulls her in for another kiss.

Chloe groans and pushes back against Beca, tilting her further over the dresser and displacing bottles of cologne and accessories. Strong hands grab at her thighs and force her legs apart so Chloe’s hips can settle more firmly between Beca’s legs. The action alone sends shockwaves up Beca’s brain. Beca, who is no stranger to sex, realizes that she has never felt such strong arousal from just kissing before.

“Are we going to have sex?” Beca asks before she can help herself. She immediately regrets the question when it leaves her mouth. “Because I want to,” she says quickly before she loses it or before Chloe thinks that she’s having doubts. She isn’t. It’s just overwhelming, being so taken and consumed by a girl she barely knows.

Not for lack of trying, Beca supposes.

Of course, Beca has a stupid crush on Chloe Beale. It seemed like most people did, somehow. Chloe, popular by virtue of her wealth but also mysterious and aloof disposition, never seemed to be short on suitors.

A small measure of pride wells up in Beca before it is immediately replaced by a swooping tightening in her belly as Chloe’s teeth nip harshly at her neck. With the amount of suitors Chloe frequently wards off (and the smaller number that she seems to allow close to her), Beca assesses that it would also appear that Chloe didn’t need any encouraging at all. Much less direction.

Before Beca manages even a measly gasp or even a weak tug to Chloe’s hair, Chloe’s hands are already greedily grabbing at her hips, pushing and pulling at the fabric impatiently for a moment or so, getting a good grope in, before her fingers deftly find the button of Beca’s jeans.

Beca sucks in a breath.

It takes a moment, but Chloe pauses, lifting her head from her assault on Beca’s neck. Her eyes, dark and blown with desire, flicker with something nearly unrecognizable.

Beca’s eyes drift back down to Chloe’s lips in the ensuing silence.

“You’ve never had sex with a girl before, have you?” Chloe asks.

Beca blushes immediately, averting her eyes for a brief second before Chloe tilts her chin back up to catch her lips in a sweeping, full, wet kiss. It’s more romantic than it has any business being. Beca moans against her own will, lifting her hips up almost impatiently against Chloe’s still hand. She is so conscious of the ache between her legs. So conscious of how her previous encounters with men left her wanting and dissatisfied. Not all the time, but more often than not.

How she had always imagined what it would be like with a woman.

Chloe, maybe. Chloe, specifically. Chloe, who had occasionally seeped into her thoughts based on the occasional classes they shared together. Chloe, who ran around the track almost every morning, visible from Beca’s dorm window. Chloe, who had smiled at her just briefly from across the quad at the activities fair all those years ago and Beca hd simply just turned away—

Chloe, who is pressed against her, lips swollen from the force of their shared kisses.

Lips swollen from Beca.

“Beca?” Chloe asks, referring to Beca by her first name for the first time all evening.

“Yeah,” Beca rasps, hot against her newfound lover’s mouth.

It takes a few seconds for Beca to process sudden emptiness she feels—a lack of warmth, really—but she realizes belatedly that it is because Chloe is on her knees, pulling Beca’s jeans down her trembling legs. When Chloe looks up at her, fluttering long eyelashes, Beca feels an answering gush between her legs.

Fuck, Beca thinks with every last primal instinct coursing through her. Fuck me. She reaches out instinctively to thread her fingers through Chloe’s hair, swallowing at how natural it feels to tangle her hands in another girl’s hair. To enjoy it so much.

Chloe says nothing while she helps Beca step out of her jeans. The movements, though gentle and slow, do nothing to ease the growing tension gnawing at her stomach. She clenches again involuntarily and moans in response to her own actions causing Chloe to look up from where she still kneels in front of Beca.

For a moment, Beca feels powerful.

Then, Chloe’s fingertips gently hook into the elastic waistband of Beca’s underwear.

“Tell me how hard you want me to fuck you, Beca Mitchell,” Chloe murmurs, her voice permeating the thick fog of Beca’s brain. It almost stuns Beca into silence, but she realizes that what she wants even more than LA at that moment is Chloe’s fingers between her legs. Her tongue maybe. Lips. Beca’s hands through her hair, tangled all night.

The possibilities are seemingly endless.

“Hard,” she chokes out. “Just fuck me hard.”

Blue eyes flash with delight and the promise of everything to come.

- - x - -

She does come. Multiple times that night against the dresser. Then again when she invites Chloe back to her apartment. Against her own front door. In her bed, testing the strength of her boxspring mattress.

But none of that matters—what matters is how breathtaking Chloe looks when Beca unravels her. Breathless in her own way. Possessing Beca’s bed like she has nowhere else she’d rather be. The unmistakable tremble as Beca’s fingers sink into tight, wet heat. Choked off moans against Beca’s mouth.

And as Beca falls asleep, tired and spent, she thinks vaguely of the flash of red hair that fateful day at the activities fair. How she had pointedly avoided the pretty girl with blue eyes and red hair.

It feels like regret, chasing her into her dreams.

- - x - -

Beca isn’t one to dwell on things, however. She has no time for that kind of distraction, even if that distraction is the pleasant, fleeting sensation of Chloe’s lips pressing against the curve of her shoulder as she slips into a waking state.

There is something incredibly tender about the way Chloe’s fingers comb through her hair as she whispers a murmured goodbye into Beca’s ear. Her lips graze the sensitive skin on the shell of her ear, seeping into the peripheries of Beca’s dreaming state.

It feels like a dream, at least. All of it. Unattainable, super-senior Chloe Beale.

When Beca wakes up again, her bed is cold and empty and she’s pretty sure the aches coursing through her body have nothing to do with alcohol.

She peers blearily at her phone, unfortunately uncharged and nearly dead, and startles upon seeing that it is half past ten and she’s meant to meet a new student at eleven. She jolts out of bed and right into the shower, regrettably washing off all the remaining memories from the previous night. As she reaches between her own legs, she puffs out a heavy breath and tries not to think about how sure Chloe’s hands felt on her body the night before.

This new student is a special request from the Dean of Students himself, sent her way by her father. She had protested, barely, but the pretty monetary figure that had slid across her gaze had been enough to hold her attention.

“Just twice a week for the year. Both semesters. This student needs to pass,” her father emphasizes.

“Who is this student,” Beca demands, tucking the form into her jacket pocket. “Another entitled rich kid?”

Her father pinches his nose. “Look, I recommended you directly to Dean Sanders the moment I heard about this request. It’s from a special benefactor to the school and I know how much you need the money to go to L.A..”

“I wanted to go to L.A. three years ago.”

“Do you not want to go anymore?”

Beca bites her tongue to stop from saying anything else and looks away.

“I know you’re an adult, Becs, but I have your best interests in mind. I just want to see you try. If you do this, I’ll double what the benefactor pays you. I’ll match it and double it.”

Beca can hardly believe her ears. It’s a lot of money. Enough to be considered “safe”, even. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

Beca nearly trips multiple times on the way to the diner—an odd background for a tutoring session—but she somehow makes it there with a minute to spare. She realizes she has no idea who she’s even meeting with and slowly slides into the closest booth, keeping an eye out for anybody who looks especially lost.

She sits uncertainly for at least fifteen minutes, downs an entire cup of coffee, and fends off awkward inquiries from the server before she pulls out her phone intent on calling her father and giving him a piece of her mind. On cue, she gets a text.

Unknown Hey, my dad gave me this number. You’re my tutor, right? Rebecca? lol

Beca groans.

Beca hey, yep i’m your tutor. I’m at Carl’s, just got a booth at the back

The door jingles somewhere in the background and Beca glances up to meet Chloe Beale’s gaze dead-on.

“You’re fucking joking,” Beca mutters.

Chloe, for her part, does not look pleased at all as she tosses her bag into the booth before sliding in across from Beca.

“Small world,” Chloe comments.

“You’re telling me.”

Chloe looks like she might say something else and Beca braces herself for the potential innuendo or lust-laden comment, but nothing comes. Instead, Chloe simply folds her hands and watches Beca intently, looking every bit like an innocent college student with a desire to pass her class.

Beca’s gaze flickers down to the neatly folded fingers.

When she looks back up, Chloe’s expression morphs into one that makes Beca swallow nervously.

“Are you nervous?” Chloe asks. “It’s just me,” she says in a tone that implies that she knows exactly what inappropriate thoughts are floating through Beca’s mind.

Beca ignores that, both the words and the tone Chloe uses, and pulls out her notebook and binder. “You’re in calculus two...then statistics next semester?” Chloe nods. “Those are usually first-year requirements, how are you getting away with this? Is this a pre-med degree?”

Chloe smiles—a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “When your father’s name is on the school’s med school building, you kind of get things handed to you no matter how much you want to fight it. I can only control so much.”

Beca scoffs before she can help herself. “Well, I don’t know if that’s entirely true. I think that there are things out of our control sometimes, but there are definitely things within our control.” Like leaving calculus and statistics until the end. Like sleeping together and wanting to do it again, but resisting.

Chloe gazes at her with renewed interest. “You’re a tutor, huh?”

“Looks like it.”

“And my dad hired you.”

Beca shrugs. “Kind of...so I guess your dad will kill me in front of the entire student body if we don’t do this.” She clicks her pen. “Come on, show me your assignments.”

“I really don’t want to do what he wants,” Chloe says, fluttering her eyes at Beca. “Want to do something else instead?”

Beca scowls. “I’m your tutor, whether you like it or not.”

“Fuck that.”

Beca tries not to smile at that. Chloe has such a pleasant speaking voice and a generally pleasant expression on her face at all times that it isn’t hard to see why she’s probably one of the most well-liked people on campus. So well-liked that it is often overlooked that she’s going for a third round of her senior year.

Still, professionalism. Beca can do that, kind of. She tutored worse people in high school. “Let’s get this over with, okay?”

It is entirely the wrong thing to say. Chloe’s smile widens and she leans forward, her shoulders hunched like a predator just about to pounce. “That’s not what you were saying last night.”

“I...oh my God.” Beca purses her lips and looks around hurriedly before settling on the glass of water to her side. Grabbing it, she sips it delicately for a few long moments while avoiding Chloe’s gaze and quenching the sudden dryness in her throat.

The cool water sliding down her throat is a nice thing to focus on.

She’s not focusing on anything else. Not the phantom sensation of Chloe’s hands ghosting up her sides. Not the phantom sensation of Chloe making her hold on to her own headboard. Not the phantom sensation of Chloe’s lips against her thighs, leaving marks and hot, wet kisses.

Not the very real sensation from Chloe’s eyes boring a hole into her forehead, like she can see right into the recesses of Beca’s minds. Every last dark, lustful thought.

But the moment ends before Beca can really process everything, like how part of her wants to shove everything off the table so she can climb over and straddle Chloe’s lap.

Chloe sighs, opens her textbook, and points out the series of problems she has to complete for the week. “There,” she mutters.

Math—math, Beca can do. Calculus. Statistics.

Chloe, not so much.

(Even though she already did.)

/end chap. 1

read the rest: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

#bechloe #pitch perfect #fanfiction #beca mitchell #chloe beale #mine #my fanfic #au #we are the wild youth

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jakeperalta · 3 years

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Hi. I’m interacting non-anonymously in what I hope is a show of good faith, and I hope you’ll treat me the same. This is gonna be long, forgive me.

The majority of current kaylors is young queer people. They’re minors. I take issue with the previous message suggesting that they just need to realize not everything has to be gay to be enjoyed because?? No. It’s not on them. That’s not the point. The point is that these young people have been manipulated into believing a conspiratorial narrative because they are vulnerable - manipulated by these horrible older straight women who are taking advantage of them. I’ve read at least three different stories from minors who, when they realized there’s no way kaylor is real, broke down in some capacity. Blaming fifteen year olds who feel so desperately alone and thus fall for a conspiracy is simply not helpful. It actually makes it worse, because all you’re doing (general you) is isolating them from other people and other points of view, which just means this kaylor community is even more essential for them. Let’s call out the people taking advantage of them!! (These are also people who have outed minors to their families.)

Secondly, I think it’s important to recognize that thinking Taylor Swift is gay is *not* the same thing as harassing her, being invasive, not respecting her privacy, etc. there are people who are absolutely fine with doing that, and that’s fucked up, I’m not arguing that. This is where I hope you’ll treat me kindly and not mock me: I don’t think Taylor Swift is straight. I’m a gaylor. But I think she’s gay in the same way that I think Walt Whitman is gay - there is queer coding in their lyrics and poetry respectively. Believe it or not, it’s not actually creepy to say “hey.... dude.... this sounds really gay.” It’s not invasive to point out literary themes. And no, it’s actually not a sad way to spend my time. Like, it’s my time first of all, and second of all if analyzing lyrics and imagery brings me delight, that’s pretty great. I can do that, and I do do that, without harassing anyone. It’s not the same.

Thirdly, talking about “hey, Taylor used rainbow motifs constantly in the lover era.... gay question mark????” is also not the same as invading her privacy, because it is something she publicly did. It wasn’t some kind of plane tracking shit or harassing the Alwyns, it was a whole ass music video that she purposefully put out. And looking at that, talking about that kind of symbolism, is also not hurting anyone. Conspiracy blogs believe Taylor is lurking, secretly watching kaylors, sending them anons encouraging them, but... Taylor doesn’t. She has a life. So my (and my friends’, who are equally logical) measly blog is not something she cares about. It doesn’t harm her for people to question her sexuality - like, basically every celebrity in her generation at this point has capitalized on queer fans seeing themselves in them. She doesn’t care what we say on our own. It doesn’t actively hurt her for me to make a gifset of lyrics I think are gay lmao. And I want to say that none of us like... bother taylor or anyone else irl. obviously!!

Finally (and I really do apologize for the length of this), the fact that there are people who believe that karlie has a fake baby and her real baby is in hiding, that karlie has faked her conversion, that joe alwyn isn’t the love of taylor’s life, that karlie and taylor are married, and my absolute favorite, that karlie kloss is a double agent spying on the kushners for the FBI.... it’s funny, you know? It’s humorous. Except it also isn’t, because it’s absolutely disgusting. It’s creepy, it’s horrific, it represents the worst in our culture. My argument is not that this isn’t despicable, because it fucking is. But I believe that there is nuance here.

I used to hate all gaylors. I made fun of them. And it wasn’t thinking Taylor’s gay that made me change my attitude. It was realizing that conspiracy theories only survive when there is a power imbalance. Someone holds the power, and they should be toppled. They should be shattered like marbled statues. But not everyone holds the power.

this is all very polite so honestly no offence but I'm just not invested enough in any of this to to into depth so I'll just sum up my thoughts:

I know a lot tinhatters are minors and I've only ever spoken about the concept, I don't call out individuals

I've never said that saying she's gay is the same as harassing her but I think both are weird just on different levels

we can explore her lyrics from a literary analysis standpoint without turning into theories on her private life

#glorious-sunrise #answered

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iridescentides · 4 years

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CREATOR SPOTLIGHT: Miranda (@dancingwithourshandstied)

Support your local gif makers! In celebration of my one year gif-iversary, I am posting shoutouts to gif makers who have motivated and inspired me with their creativity in the past year. This post is for Miranda, whose gifs can be found here.

Miranda is by far one of the most supportive and kind editors I know. In my time on this site, she has provided boundless encouragement, assistance, and positivity to not only myself, but to many other creators as well. She helps bring people together, and fosters a sense of community and benevolence that keeps us going as fandom creators. One night a few months ago, when I was feeling down about my giffing abilities, she replied to one of my posts with uplifting encouragement and compassion, despite the fact that we had never spoken before then; now, I am lucky enough to receive this kind of support from her every single day. Everyone needs a Miranda.

When it comes to gif making, Miranda’s strength is in her versatility. Between adapting to create for many fandoms, from musical theatre to films to sitcoms, and trying out different styles, colorings, compositions, and aspect ratios, Miranda has proven her skills time and time again.

MUST-SEE EDITS

It Chapter 2 - This recent gifset of Miranda’s stands out for its strong, unified composition and its creative framing of the film. Using no faces at all and minimal body parts, Miranda created this aesthetic set of her favorite subject to gif. The set is cleverly tied together through an emphasis on the color red, accented by soft greens throughout. Instead of relying on the characters to signify the subject, Miranda astutely included a gif of the notorious red balloon as the second image in the composition, allowing the viewer to quickly identify the film. The third gif is a bright display of rotating food, and it is skillfully juxtaposed on top of the darkest gif in the set, and this extreme contrast marks a shift in the tone of the gifset; it goes from showcasing the brighter elements of the film, like a puzzle and a good meal, to inciting feelings of danger and sorrow through images of fire and blood. This thoughtful arrangement demonstrates Miranda’s artistic eye.

Robin or Nancy - This gifset is a testament to Miranda’s playful, experimental nature when it comes to her creations. In this innovative composition, Miranda uses nine gifs on six canvases to choose and connect both options that were presented to her. This imaginative design shows both creativity and effort through the use of caption text and facial expressions to capture the essence of Robin and Nancy. The bottom right gif deserves special attention for the way both girls’ heads move in the same direction at the same pace within their split gif.

Speak Now World Tour - One of my favorite things about Miranda’s giffing style is the variation that can be observed in her levels of contrast, and how she uses this to shape the tone of a gifset. In this Taylor Swift set of the Speak Now World Tour, she combines these different levels of contrast in an impactful, next-level type of way. The dark black used in four of the gifs effectively grounds the set for the viewer and brings us deep emotion through Taylor’s expressions, and the low-contrast, muted coloring of the other four gifs is used to show action, passion, and fun. We see high-motion, changing shots offset slower, more static performances in a way that gives us a well-rounded feel for the tour and for Taylor’s personality, both onstage and off.

TATBILB - The strength of this gifset lies in its deep contrast and subtle, unifying blues. This gifset is people-focused, demonstrating Miranda’s versatile skill set and artistic sense when compared to the It Chapter 2 gifset discussed above. This gifset tells the story of Lara Jean Covey through her actions, relationships, and expressions. We see her soft smile, moody pout, and dark hair on display, and overall this gorgeous creation captures the love and care expressed throughout the film.

You Need to Calm Down - #i just wanted to... change the color of things lol. This vibrant set stands out and immediately captures the viewer’s eye due to its bright depiction of a popular music video. Among the creative artistic choices made by Miranda we have orange pool water and a very bright display of a burger hugging french fries. The strength of this set is its whimsical spirit that engages the audience immediately. Miranda’s control over colors is especially apparent in the third gif, which features bright yellows and a long, horizontal range of motion; despite the wide movement, Miranda was able to skillfully bolden the yellow hues of the gif without negatively altering the skin tones of the subjects which, if you make gifs, you know is a challenging effect to achieve. The brilliant colors of this creation truly set Miranda apart as an accomplished gif maker.

CREATOR’S TOP PICKS

Miranda has a long list of favorites: x x x x x x x x x x x

Thank you to Miranda for inspiring me over the past year! Be sure to check out all of her amazing gifsets, reblog them, and leave nice feedback!

#creator spotlights #1yrgif #usermiranda #dancingwithourshandstied

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barryallenis · 4 years

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I agree about Twitter. I just don’t understand why ppl want to engage w/others in there especially celebs. The amount of hypocrisy that goes on is ridiculous. I had to walk away from all that ugliness and keep it moving. Fans think they know these celebs because they get a quick peek at their lives. Seriously, we don’t know what these ppl are doing 99.9% of the time. Yet ppl try to tell them how to live their lives. I used to say when you start paying my bills then we can talk until then bye

It’s truely wild what people think they have the right to say behind the guise of social media. It’s the accessibility and the anonymity. All it takes is an @ and you know your name is going to show up in that person’s notification. But while you know who THEY are, they have no idea who YOU are. I know I’m not announcing any huge revelation saying that trolls thive off that hidden identity. But it’s true about comments good and bad. Your absolutely right, when I said we KNOW who they are, what I meant was we know their name, their face, their occupation. That’s, pretty much it. 99.9% of them? The stuff that really matters? We don’t. And it’s the twisted mindset social media has created that makes people think that they do.

I think the thing that has always bothered me about twitter specifically is that it has always felt superficial. Which is fine, if you want to post about what you had for dinner, but not when you’re trying to have bigger discussions. No one can have full, healthy, understandable and constructive discourse in 280 characters. What has anyone ever learned from 280 characters? Why would people waste their time reading and writing hundred paged books and texbooks and 50 paged research papers on one single topic if it could all somehow be dumbed down to to 280 character? like??? To fully understand something, too add to a discussion, prove a point, to change someones mind, what you say must come with facts, context and explanation. And that means, sorry! You’re gonna need to use a few more words!

On the simpler end, I noticed how much this was true amidst fandoms specifically. There’s often talk of a “twitter fandom”, an “instagram fandom” and a“tumblr fandom” but at the end of the day I have, and always will, choose spaces like tumblr to engage in any fandom. Not only is tumblr a place where people have so much more space to express their creativity in things like edits, gifsets, and fanfiction, but it also leaves more room for ACTUAL INDEPT DISCUSSION. I write multi paragraph responses/post on the regular, thats the NORM on this site! Sure, some of it’s about silly stuff, but a lot of it goes deeper. Whether that be disecting an actors facial expressions in an emotional scene or a conversational dialogue or talking about overarching thematic storylines or character development. And they’re not being done so that an actor, actress, writer or producer can see them, they’re being done just, for the joy of it. Because it’s fun and interesting to dicuss the stories we see play out in front of us. I mean why do we all get so invested in fandoms in the first place!? We get invested in the story and the characters. Or at least, that’s the case for most.

I’m not saying you have to thoroughly disect every single piece of content you consume, that would be insurmountable for most of us. There are so many tv shows, movies or books that I don’t engage with fandom wise at all. (I watched a show called Burn Notice, twice all the way through, and I literally could not name a since actor in that entire show lol). I’m not saying you can’t have surface level discussion about things, but ... call them what they are. Don’t write a sentence with no context and think it’s worthy of acknolwegment from the person it’s about. ESPECIALLY when that thing is critical. If you are going to critique something to someone who directly created an aspect of the thing you’re critiquing, you BETTER COME AT IT WITH FACTS. And it BETTER NOT COME AS A PERSONAL ATTACK. If someone has an example of a constructivly critical tweet that could actually be used to make real, systemic change and not just one that makes an over simplified claim directly to the person in a way that is really no help at all, please let me know. Those kinds of things should be filtered before they’re shared and maybe simply thought about and digested before saying. But that’s never really been twitters whole stick. Twitters vibe to me has always been that of a tumblr liveblog but at all times; comments made in the heat of the moment without much thought of the impact or reprocussion despite the fact that it has the most means of impact than almost any other social media platform.

In the most broad sense, Tumblr is for people who want to contribute, Twitter is for people who want to be seen. And what’s most upsetting about it is that they ARE the most seen. I mean, Taylor Swift is the only celebrity I know of, right now, that is an active participant on tumblr (I’m sure there are more but that’s the one I’m most familiar with). Meanwhile, nearly every celebrity has a twitter. No one comes on here looking to be seen (minus some of the Taylor Swift fandom but thats kinda to the point). And yet it’s the thought provocing, factual based critiquies AND appreciations that are so often found on THIS site that are the ones that should be heard by the people that make those pieces of media.

TLTR: What celebrities see of the general public’s perception of them and whatever their art form is, is largely through twitter replies and instagram comments. No wonder they are often so emotionally wreaked by the feedback they hear! There is largely, no real substance behind very bold claims (of both critisim and praise! Not to the same extent obviously, but what does shouting out “I LOVE YOU” to a person you do not know really doing?). I so wish that we could simply talk to celebrities on social media (and, really, anyone on social media) like we do people in our normal day to day lives. What an ideological world it could be without people recieving egregious death threats on the daily huh? Imagine.

All I know is, whatever the solution to the problems we all have with interacting on social media, the answer is not going to be found on twitter.

#this response took years off my life I’m sorry for going off on your simple ask anon lmao #twitter just really gets my blood boilings #twitter #time vault #the flash #tho this is def not just the flash #but thats what i was thinking of while writing this as an example #anyway if anyone wants to talk more about the egregious act of trolling #i will happily roll out my old psych of women class for some factually based examples

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arthurandhispendragons · 5 years

Text

For @quoderospero: You asked for this

Under the cut is my full list of Taylor Swift lyrics that hurt me and make me think of Merthur mostly, but also other characters. Enjoy and feel pain with me!

Also tagging @violetchachkii in case you get bored and ever want to hurt me with gifsets :)

Don’t Blame Me:

“For you, I would fall from grace, just to touch your face”

Breathe: Honestly, this whole song is just Merlin directly after 5x13

“Now I don’t know what to be without you around”

“I can’t breathe without you, but I have to”

“Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.”

“Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout”

King of My Heart:

“And all at once you are the one I have been waiting for, king of my heart, body and soul”

Last Kiss: a lot of this doesn’t fit lyrically, but the general feeling is very post 5x13

“Never imagine we’d end like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips”

“The life of the party, you’re showing off again, and I roll my eyes, and you pull me in”

The Story of Us:

“So many things that I wish you knew. So many walls up I can’t break through”

“I used to know my place was the spot next to you”

If This Was A Movie:

“Six months gone and I’m still reaching, even though I know you’re not there”

“Come back, come back, come back to me like you would, you would, if this was a movie”

“If you’re out there, if you’re somewhere, if you’re moving on. I”ll be waiting for you, wary since you’ve been gone”

“But if this was a movie you’d be here by now”

The Other Side of the Door:

“I said leave, but all I really want is you”

“And don’t you leave, cause I know all I need is on the other side of the door”

“I can’t even look at you, I don’t need you but I do, I do, I do”

Mine:

“You are the best thing that’s ever been mine”

Treacherous:

“Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don’t touch. Out of focus, eye to eye, til the gravity’s too much. And I’ll do anything you say, if you say it with your hands. And I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand.”

“I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away. I hear the sound of my own voice, asking you to stay. And all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along. Forever going with the flow, but you’re friction.”

This Love: Actually, fuck this song because it’s gonna make me cry. Literally post 5x13 until Arthur comes back

“Clear blue water, high tide, came and brought you in...current swept you out again, and you were just gone and gone, gone and gone.”

“In silent screams, in wildest dreams, I never dreamed of this.”

“Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees”

“These hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me”

Stay Beautiful:

“If you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I never get to hold, at least you’ll know.”

You Belong With Me:

“Been here all along so why can’t you see you belong with me?”

Sad, Beautiful, Tragic:

“Words, how little they mean, when you’re a little too late”

“In dreams I meet you in warm conversation. And time is taking its sweet time erasing you”

FIfteen: This is Merlin arriving in Camelot

“Count to ten, take it in, this is life before you know who you’re gonna be”

Superman: This song is more Arthur as a character and Arthur/Gwen as a ship

“He’s got his mother’s eyes, his father’s ambition”

State of Grace:

“And I never saw you coming. And I’ll never be the same”

“These are the hands of fate, you’re my Achilles heel, this is the golden age of something good and right and real”

New Year’s Day:

“Don’t read the last page, but I stay when you’re lost and I’m scared and you’re turning away”

“Hold on to the memories they will hold on to you”

Delicate:

“I pretend you’re mine all the damn time”

Superstar:

“I’m no one special just another wide eyed [boy] who’s desperately in love with you”

“You smile that beautiful smile and all the girls in the front row scream your name”

I Did Something Bad: This whole song is Morgana but here’s the highlight

“If a man talks shit than I owe him nothing. I don’t regret it one bit cause he had it coming.”

I’m Only Me When I’m With You: Once again, basically the whole song

“And sometimes we don’t say a thing, just listen to the crickets sing. Everything I need is right here by my side.”

“And I know everything about you, I don’t wanna live without you”

“Well you drive me crazy half the time, the other half I’m only trying to let you know what is and isn’t true. And I’m only me when I’m with you.”

“When I’m with anybody else, it’s so hard to be myself and only you can tell”

Everything Has Changed:

“Cause all I know is we said hello, and your eyes look like coming home. All I know is a simple thing, everything has changed.”

“Come back and tell me why I’m feeling like I missed you all this time”

“You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours all I know since yesterday is everything has changed”

A Place in This World: Again, Merlin in Episode 1

“I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me, cause I’m still trying to figure it out. Don’t know what’s down this road, I’m just walking”

Look What You Made Me Do: Whole song is Morgana

“The role you made me play of the fool, no I don’t like you.”

“But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time.”

“Maybe I got mine, but you’ll all get yours.”

Come Back, Be Here:

“And this is when the feeling sinks in, I don’t want to miss you like this. Come back, be here.”

“If I had known what I know now, I never would have played so nonchalant”

“This is falling in love in the cruelest way. This is falling for you when you are worlds away”

“I can’t help but wish you took me with you”

Change:

“But I believe in whatever you do, and I’ll do anything to see it through.”

“It was the night things changed, can you feel it now? The walls that they put up to hold us back fell down”

Holy Ground:

“And right there where we stood was holy ground”

“And sometimes I wonder how you’d think about it now, and I see your face in every crowd”

I Know Places:

“And I know for you, it’s always me”

“And I know for me, it’s always you”

Haunted:

“Come on, come on, don’t leave me like this...something’s gone terribly wrong you’re all I wanted”

Call it What you Want:

“Bridges burn, I never learn, at least I did one thing right”

Gorgeous:

“You should think about the consequence of your magnetic field being a little too strong”

“You should take it as a compliment that I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk”

Long Live: Strap in folks, this is another one that almost made me cry

“It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age.”

“All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you”

“I was screaming long live all the magic we made”

“One day we will be remembered”

“Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you”

“Can you take a moment-promise me this. That you’ll stand by me forever, but if God forbid fate should step in. And force us into a goodbye-if you have children someday-when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name?”

Innocent:

“Who you are is not what you did”

“You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now, if only had seen what you know now then”

Today Was a Fairytale

“You’ve got a smile that takes me to another planet”

“All that I can say is now it’s getting so much clearer. Nothing made sense till the time I saw your face.”

Dress:

“There is an indentation in the shape of you. Made your mark on me a golden tattoo”

“My hands are shaking from holding back from you”

“I don’t want you like a best friend”

“All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation”

“Even in my worst times you could see the best of me”

Dancing With Our Hands Tied:

“I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us”

“Oh, cause it’s gravity keeping you with me”

“I’d kiss you as the lights went out, swaying as the room burned down”

Fearless:

“And I don’t know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless”

Out of the Woods:

“We were built to fall apart, then fall back together”

Sparks Fly:

“I’m on my guard for the rest of the world but with you, I know it’s no good.”

Tied Together With a Smile: Arthur and Merlin at alternate points in the series

“And you cry, but you don’t tell anyone, that you might not be the golden one”

“I guess it’s true that love was all you wanted, cause you’re giving it away like it’s extra change.”

Cold As You:

“You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray. And I stood there loving you and wished them all away.”

I Wish You Would

“I wish you knew that, I’d never forget you as long as I live.”

Come in With the Rain: Merlin post 5x13

“I’ll leave my window open cause I’m too tired at night to call your name. Just know I’m right here hoping that you’ll come in with the rain.”

White Horse: post 5x13

“I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings, now I know.”

Ours: Honestly, the whole song

“If you were here we’d laugh about their vacant stares, but right now, my time is theirs.”

“People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard”

Red: Another one that hit me like a mack truck

“Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall”

“Losing him was blue like I’ve never known, missing him was dark gray all alone. Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met. But loving him was red.”

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes, tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go, but moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head, burning red.”

Stay, Stay, Stay: The tone of the song is very them

“All those times that you didn’t leave, it’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life.”

Enchanted:

“The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy”

“All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you”

“Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you”

If you made it through this, you deserve a prize but I hope you enjoyed!

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loseyoutoloveme · 5 years

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HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANA @sweetener

this is my attempt at a playbill for 4 of your favourite musicals (inspired by your gifset for alina bc that was a classic. also yes i listened to the next to normal and spring awakening soundtracks while i made these), i hope it was worth staying up till midnight for now that you’re an elderly woman! i don’t know what i could say here that i haven’t already said before, but i also can never express enough how TRULY lucky i am to have you in my life. life would/could not be the same without you. you have brought me so much knowledge and comedy and comfort and happiness and despite being one of the busiest twenty(one) year olds that i know, you are ALWAYS there when i need someone and i’m just so blessed that you have chosen to spend time talking to me (but also not a choice bc as you are aware apple doesn’t allow you to leave 3-person groupchats and we’re all trapped for life). it’s so special to have someone in my life that i am so similar to yet constantly motivates and challenges me to be a better person. you possess the most inspiring and moving sense of empathy and caring. the way you respond to things is deep and beautiful and a level of passion that most people will never achieve. watching you be like “booksmart is a good movie, i better see it in the theatre three times” or “i wanna get into taylor swift, i better spend all week listening to her whole discography on repeat and rank the albums from favourite to least favourite” is a true true true joy. you love hard and you work hard and i have no doubt that you will be rewarded for that someday and will succeed in everything that you want to do. you tackle everything head-on and are one of the smartest (like elle woods smart...), most brilliant people i’ve ever had the privilege to know. i just can’t wait for the day that alina and i get to experience these wonderful qualities in person and curse the universe for making us live so far apart. here’s a virtual birthday cake 🎂 and a virtual hug 🤗 goodnight.

#dana

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qveersam · 6 years

Text

gorgeous

i made this gifset based on taylor swift’s song gorgeous and i kept thinking this could be a fic, so i kinda wrote one??? i haven’t written anything in years and it’s actually my first time writing any fiction in english, so if anyone reads this pls be kind??? lmao it’s nothing special really, but it’s a nice exercise to write in your second language.

there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have

you are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

- “gorgeous” by ts

wincest; 1.6k; first kiss; dean is angry bc sam is pretty [ao3]

It took Sam some time to notice. At first, he brushed it off as Dean’s usual annoyed stares. When you spent almost every hour of the day with your brother, you were bound to get on each other’s nerves. He knew that, specially since he and Dean had that strange magnetic field between them, pulling them close even when they didn’t want to. And he could totally admit he was probably almost as annoying as Dean, no matter what his brother might like to say about him thinking he was better than everyone else. What Sam thought was weird, though, was that he kept catching Dean staring angrily at him even when they hadn’t argued in God knows how long. Even on those good weeks, after a particularly good hunt or after a couple of days off. He was pretty sure he wasn’t that annoying, at least not enough to deserve so many glowering looks anyway.

It was a beautiful and warm morning when Sam finally accepted Dean was angry at him for some reason. There wasn’t any reason for Dean to be pissy that day. They’d decided to take the day to do some research, even though they both knew that was just an excuse to sleep in, watch crappy movies and take proper care of some injuries that wouldn’t heal no matter what they did. Maybe they could even use the motel pool Dean was always so excited about, even though Sam thought was too gross to go in. It was the perfect day for them to just be them. No drama, no demons, no dying people. Just them taking care of each other like they used to, talking about nothing and everything over half drank beers.

So of course Sam was surprised when he came back to the motel after getting breakfast and was greeted with an eye roll from Dean. No good morning, no thanks, Sammy. Just an eye roll and an annoyed snort.

“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Sam set the greasy bags on the dirty looking side table and turned to his brother with what he knew was his signature bitchy expression. Dean stopped on his way to the table, and had at least the decency to look guilty for a couple of seconds. He returned to himself quickly enough, setting with his now usual cranky mood. He brushed past Sam and grabbed a donut.

“Nothin’. What else ya got there? Smells good.” And just like that, Sam was expected to drop it. He knew how much his brother hated talking about stuff and would very much prefer to just keep things bottled up until he exploded and ended up punching Sam. And hell, Sam was sick and tired of acting careful around Dean and then pissing him off anyway. He really needed to find out what the hell he did wrong this time.

His answer came that afternoon, their speeches slurred from the alcohol. The sun kept getting hotter as the hours passed so, without a working AC on the room, their obvious solution had been to get drunk off their asses. They were lying each on their bed, watching The Fly on the old TV set, talking and joking, a nice change from the past days. On one of the long commercial breaks, Sam for once decided to get them something stronger from the mini frigde. He was still laughing over something stupid Dean said and had already forgotten about, when he grabbed two glasses of cheap whiskey and gave one for his brother.

Sam laid back on the bed, leaving his own glass forgotten for a moment, and stretched, the hem of his t-shirt getting caught and revealing some of his stomach, trying to find a more comfortable position to finish his drink. That’s when he saw Dean looking at him, his expression slowly turning into one of his scowls. Sam saw his brother turn his face away from him as soon as he realized he’d been caught, a slight blush rising on his cheeks. Dean dragged his hand across his face and he quickly took his glass of whiskey, clenched jaws and furrowed eyebrows, avoiding Sam’s eyes. Sam just kept looking at him. They were having a nice time, weren’t they? He couldn’t turn his eyes away from Dean, wondering what had gone wrong. This time it was Sam staring, he knew Dean would snap at him in approximately 10 seconds if he didn’t stop. So he didn’t.

“Will you please just tell me what I did, Dean? I can’t put up with your pissy face forever”, he said jokingly, only to receive an annoyed huff. Alright, not in the mood then, he thought.

“Already said it’s nothin’, Sam. Just let it go.”

“Yeah, right. I know how much you love projecting your bullshit on me, Dean. I’m not your own personal punching bag or some shit”, Sam probably would have sounded a lot more convincing if he weren’t mispronouncing every other word. Damn you, alcohol. “Can we talk like grown ups instead of acting like passive agressive teenagers for once, Dean?” Sam rolled his eyes and Dean kept quiet for some time, trying his best to ignore him.

“Will you stop staring? ‘s not helping, y’know?”, he turned to Sam with an exasperated growl, rolling his eyes again. Dean looked back to the TV, adding in an almost inaudible whisper, “That fuckin’ face, man. I can’t fuckin’ look at that fuckin’ face anymore. Fuckin’ pretty boy or whatever.”

Sam almost choked on his drink, staring at Dean’s profile as he finished the whiskey at a single gulp. “What’s that about my face?”, Sam’s voice was almost amused now, not sure what he’d heard. Had he heard it? No way. Right? He’s totally way too drunk right now. Dean would never say that. Right?

Dean turned back to Sam looking both agressive and caught at the same time. He practically threw his empty glass back on the bed before standing up and pacing on the small space between their beds. He passed his fingers on his short hair, rolled his eyes yet again – Sam swore was going to fucking kill him if Dean did that one more time – and stopped, glaring at Sam.

“Your face, Sam. Think you can just go around looking like that? I-I mean… What the fuck, y’know? My baby brother has no business lookin’ like a fuckin’ model every time I look at him”, Dean sounded frustrated and Sam couldn’t close his fucking mouth he was so shocked. “And then, I mean… whatcha trynna do here? Gimme a fuckin’ heart attack every time you smile with those fuckin’ dimples and all? Gonna fuckin’ kill me one of these days. I can’t look at you, I’m gonna fuckin’ punch you or somethin’.”

“Okay, so lemme get this straight… You’re angry with me because I look... good?”, Sam couldn’t keep the disbelieve from his voice.

“No, Sammy! I’m angry with you because you’re fuckin’ gorgeous. For fuck’s sake. Fuckin’ gorgeous, man. Look at your face!”, and then he wasn’t looking at Sam anymore. He turned shyly away from his brother and ran his hand through his hair again. “You’re so gorgeous it makes me so fuckin’ mad, Sam. Y’know I always hate what I can’t have.”

The alcohol burned in Sam’s stomach. Was that for real? His stupid beautiful brother, with those very stupid green eyes and freckles and that obscene mouth of his… calling him gorgeous? What a weird choice of word, by the way, but he’d worry about it later. He held his breath for a moment, waiting for that information to fully sink in. Dean seemed to be holding his breath too. Waiting. Expecting. None of them knew what, but definitely something. For a moment, Sam forgot about everything around them. Past and present became an irrelevant mess, everything leading to them right in that room. What did anything matter now? Sam had basically just heard Dean wanted him. And thought he couldn’t have him. How could his own flesh and blood be so unbelievably dumb sometimes?

“Who says you can’t have me?”

Dean turned to Sam with his eyes confused and pleading. The air felt suddenly very heavy with the weight of possibility, the whole universe concentrated around them, in every inch of space between them, inside them. Sam felt the strong pull towards his brother he always did his best to ignore as he got up from the bed and walked the few steps until he reached Dean. He almost jumped when Sam touched his shoulder, a shiver passing both of them, as if all of the touches and looks and moments between them were enough to cause an electric storm right there in the space between their skins. A million thoughts were racing in Sam’s head as he closed the space between their mouths, and then they went quiet all at once. The only thing he could think about were those lips under his, the way Dean immediately put his hands on Sam’s neck, bringing them closer together, their mouths opening up for each other.

“You’re gorgeous too, Dean”, Sam managed to say between kisses, smiling because he thought he actually understood the word choice. There couldn’t be another word to describe Dean. Or to describe them. Together.

#wincest fic #wincest #wincest fanfiction #spnwincest #sam/dean #my writing #my stuff #my grammar is probably all fucked up #writing in portuguese was already hard #why try in english?????

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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Why do you think that when seemingly funny thing happen, they happen to Dean? Like the fear thing in Yellow Fever or the age thing in 5.07 and 10.12 (both old and young!) or the memory thing in Regarding Dean. I'm sure I'm missing a lot of others (and also the not so funny like the vampire thing in 6.05 and of course Demon!Dean in S10). But I can't really picture Sam on those situation tho, Dean is perfect xD

And this is why Plucky’s is my favourite episode, because the thing happened to Sam and it was also perfect but in a completely different way :P

If you’ve seen the gifset ever of that con where they were talking somewhat seriously about this, before someone said Sam was the straight man to Dean and then Jared imploded… I mean, I need someone to turn that up for me so I can stick it in the “thanks Jared” section of my massive bi dean meta etc resource… But also they WERE making a serious point before they derailed it :P

The show has a lot of quietly set in stone dynamics. I mean, well, they’re stuff that can get subverted or a particular arc or season will try to explore things from a different angle, but even when they try to do that they still work within certain rules.

I should probably just make a gif of it for myself, but my favourite visual for this is in 11x04… actually it’s 2am and I have the Sleep Madness so I’ll just do that…

It’s such a wonderful image of the 2 of them, with Sam wearing red and Dean wearing blue, and top and tail like that. They’re 2 parts of a whole but they’re utterly different people and they’re often mirror images to each other in ways where when something applies to one, the direct opposite is shown in the other.

(Sidebar: it’s why I’m so delighted that Sam was like blah blah Cas is family and then Dean was like you may be able to forget Cas but I can’t!!!!1 in 13x03… But on the other hand there are things where the nuances get lost and people make weird wrong assumptions like us having to endlessly prove Dean is the smart one because of the lingering first impression that doesn’t let anyone create any nuance after “sam went to college and dean didn’t”)

Anyway, setting up a straight man and comedy sidekick duo drops that all on Dean because from the first episode Sam’s all serious and has epic angst, while Dean tries to lighten the mood and clearly has the snarky sort of attitude that lends itself towards being the comedic one. Even when they make Dean angsty, Sam is serious and Dean big brother picks on him a bit sometimes (in a nice way) and teases him a lot - this is all broad strokes season 1 characterisation I’m talking about, really. But yeah, even if they go super deep or make Dean super angsty, he’s established as the character who can deal with it. And sometimes dealing with it is shouldering a cracky episode’s concept because they know his reactions are going to be easier to sell the thing.

The other thing is emotional POV and Dean’s largely established as the character who has that. Sam spends a lot of time unavailable as the emotional POV and Dean has shouldered entire SEASONS of it (season 6 especially where he was the ONLY viable emotional POV character for large chunks of it). Emotional POV is not really who the episode is ABOUT but what character is reacting to it and filtering how we should feel about a thing for us. In 6x03 when Cas wants to read the kid’s soul to get info, Dean steps in like wtf we don’t torture kids, but Sam and Cas outweigh him because utilitarian means to an end for the greater good blah blah. It makes it clear if we’d missed it that Dean is the only person whose judgement can be trusted until further notice. So until then, we always have to check in with Dean to get the read on a thing.

Anyway because Dean is the emotional POV we cry and suffer along with him, but we also laugh along with him.

In 7x14 even when Sam gets a funny episode about him, the clowns aren’t really revealing anything about him - we knew about the clown fear since 2x02, it’s explored before the fight but largely for Dean’s benefit, and Sam getting the crap kicked out of him by clowns makes him a hilarious object for us - the fight scene is ridiculously funny but it IS just Sam having the snot beaten out of him while they come up with creative ways clowns would WRECK you in a fight. Dean gets an emotional showdown with the guy controlling the fears, and is the one who learns a lesson from it, while Sam had never really been set up for anything other than being the centre of attention of all the nonsense because it was really really funny that he was scared of clowns. It’s like the “the ball washer” “the what?” exchange explains Sam’s entire role in the episode.

(Which was Dean doing big brother teasing but like the entire narrative decided to torture him :P)

And meanwhile when Dean gets the hilarious episodes which turn out to be really really painful, we get deep explorations of his psyche. 4x06 explores his hell trauma and reveals a lot about what he went through, and his fears about what Sam will become (LOVE THAT DABB EXPOSITION :D)… Idk about the old man Dean episode but he had some DEEP scenes with Bobby in it I seem to recall… I think @thejabberwock was probably giffing it recently and putting it on my dash for me to scroll past without really looking the moment I recognised what episode it was :P) but it was an episode that let them sort of relate to each other a bit better I think. Or Dean to feel for Bobby some more. Idk, I think there is a super important conversation between them? This is what happens when you put an episode on your “eeeeh skip it unless you’re being weirdly thorough” list :P

But yeah young!Dean was a massively important Dean episode exploring deep down in his character, but just delivered through silly moments about cake and Taylor Swift and complaining about puberty. Or the CAR THING with Sam where it’s a huge description of their relationship that Dean hops in the car seat even though he might not be old enough to even legally DRIVE her, and then Sam gets in the front seat and Dean just squishes him, hauling the seat forward for his tiny legs to reach the pedals. Like, Sam didn’t argue and it didn’t occur to Dean and they only swapped AFTER this bad dynamic caused a stupid mess and crushed Sam? Hello entire codependency metaphor :P

(And I don’t think I need to explain 12x11 since it was so recent and so so awful about Dean D: Oh gosh, you could have just given us the Larry riding montage and no episode and that would have been enough :P)

Anyway as the emotional POV this stuff happens to Dean because changes to his self is the plot idea to help with stuff that’s to come or to explain things that already happened in the main plot, or really OTT situations they want for their own sake, that push the boundaries of his character but seem more to do with the main plot unfolding, make sense to explore through Dean, because his emotional landscape is often plot relevant, and the exploration even if it’s wrapped up in a silly concept, usually makes a lot more sense to apply to him because we already have a vast playground of his characterisation to mess around in. 10x12 and 12x11 especially were calling on everything about Dean. I think the writer even went on Twitter I guess when he was writing it and polled everyone on the most Dean-like things they could think of, and clearly got the answers “music, pie, car and girls” because those were the main metaphors of subverting Dean’s character that he offered.

I don’t think this is to reflect negatively on Sam - he gets some fascinating character stuff but connected to the main plot and not delving him in the same way Dean is delved (I think the imbalance and not understanding how they’re written can make people sad on Sam’s behalf he doesn’t get enough development in the same way Dean gets it, which is often by default when we care about character stuff over plot. I also think the writing falls into ruts of this which HAVE favoured Dean and his emotional arcs over Sam’s plot stuff). But Sam can get some incredible character stuff out of the plot things - I think Sam in Berens episodes is a great example because I’m still reeling from 13x03 and the stuff he said to Jack, because that’s all using the main plot to explore Sam - even if a lot of it was saying obvious stuff we knew about Sam, he doesn’t really say it too often and forcing him to say it out loud in episode THREE means the season is going to have to build on that or fail Sam (and he’s so wrapped up in what happens to Jack I can’t see his character stuff connected to that disappearing :P)

But yeah, him being the “straight man” means that Dean is bouncing off him to be the funny one, and that really reflects on every level of the show, especially when you take humour and replace it with the emotional connection we have to the show in general and humour is just a great way to game that to get the reaction in a positive way, and Sam’s not the serious one so much as he’s dealing with the big stuff, usually, and that can wander off to all sorts of places like his habit of completely hammering down any other feelings to deal with the things that have to be done. Or to do the opposite of scaling up Dean, he can scale down to be the more serious one in a silly episode. Which doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect him - all the episodes where he had to deal with something happening to Dean that put him in charge it really messes him up. Or makes him really good at poker that one time :P

…

Ah, my neighbours have stopped having a 4 way screaming match outside in the street, I’m going to stop typing and go to bed, so no tl;dr here… it’s turning 2am :D

#Asks #WOAH after I hit post a police car showed up #dean analysis #filed under #7x14 #for my own amusement #and #12x11 #for practical reasons

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tinkdw · 7 years

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hey there, so i always wondered about the purpose of dean's church confession in 10x16, what the hell were the writers trying to tell us?

Well.... it’s a part of Deans whole storyline since the pilot - a component of the exposition that his 12 years of story that we have been watching is all emotionally driven, a character based arc rather than plot based, all centering around Dean’s journey to self acceptance and self worth.

It’s also in large part a part of my #performing!dean tag and I imagine every meta writer’s performing!dean tag as performing!dean is a large part of this arc, the deconstruction of which leads to his self acceptance and works alongside his self worth.

At this point in 10x16, Dean is realising that he doesn't want to die, he doesn't think he deserves to die...

Remember all Dean’s self hatred, all his self loathing and feelings of worthlessness from earlier seasons? Remember how he constantly put himself in harms way because he felt that any life, anyones, was pretty much more worthy of living than his own?

Well, that has changed by this point. He still cares for others and their lives in a massive way and will still put himself in harms way to protect them but it isn’t with the same nonchalance towards his own life, he isn't actively thinking that his own life is worthless anymore...

Remember this?

Remember how, over the whole show but particularly since Hell Dean has grown, has evolved, not to change himself as such but to change the way he sees and portrays himself to others? How he has started up to 10x16 to let some of his guard down? How only 4 episodes earlier he admitted to liking and listening to Taylor Swift in front of Sam for example? How he has become more emotionally available with Cas since purgatory?

This is all part of the deconstruction of Performing!Dean and his emotional journey to self acceptance... Self acceptance is for me Dean’s whole arc since the pilot. It is with key points such as going to Hell, the introduction of Cas and more recently the introduction of Amara as the exposition but then Mary as her extension as the actual catalyst that we have come to the climax of this arc for Dean in 12x22.

There are moments throughout the show though that of course build to this moment and this is just one of them. The others being for example:

1x09: Dean walks away from Sam to call John about going back to their family home, facing the ghost of Mary, he breaks down and sobs into the phone, revealing that he is an extremely emotional person and family is his weakness but also his biggest focus in life.

2x11: Dean asks Sam why everyone assumes they’re gay, Sam tells Dean he is a bit butch and seems like he is overcompensating (gee, ya think?!).

2x13: Dean and Cassie: basically a huge exposition for the fact that Dean portrays himself as a give-a-shit lothario but when it comes to it he loves and he loves hard, he’s a gentle lover and fell in love with a passionate woman who only left him because she thought it was for his own good and what he wanted, they argue, they stare deeply at each other, they fight, because they care. Sam even tells Dean:

“What's interesting is you guys never really look at each other at the same time. You look at her when she's not looking, she checks you out when you look away. It's just a... just an interesting observation in a... you know... observationally interesting way.”

I even did a gifset parallel with 12x19 of this episode cos dude, exposition much. She’s even called Cassie FFS *Tink looks into the camera*. gifset here.

4x01: Cas looking straight into Dean’s heart and seeing that he doesn't think he deserves to be saved etc. leading to Dean then convincing Cas himself that they deserve to have Free Will, that they can save the world and they do by s5. *sobs a little at how beautiful this story is and it’s only 2 years in*

The whole of season 7: Dean is an alcoholic mourning Cas and worried for his brother then also mourning Bobby, feeling his life is worthless if he can't save and protect his family.

MoC era: Dean loses what makes Dean Dean. He becomes hard, full of anger and pain, without the soft side. This is frightening and he would rather die than become like this.

Season 11: Amara is a complete exposition of Dean’s emotions, as I wrote it a few long posts about Amara, search #amara on my blog but here and here are the main ones. She exposes that he feels love but also shame, that he is holding himself back from something (add this to 11x11′s: follow your heart and all the heart / love themes of the early season right before Cas gets taken away and Dean spends the last half of the season desperately trying to get him back while Amara, all powerful being has to use Cas to get to Dean).

Season 12: Mary is the extension of Amara, she is the catalyst for Dean to finally face himself, all this has built and built to the point where, nearing 40 years of age he finally doesn't want to sublimate anymore, he doesn't want to hide. This post is my explanation for how Mary is exactly what he needed at this point, I think I wrote it mid season, but it was clear by 12x03 that this was her role and of course 12x22 was a great big wave hello and goodbye to Performing!Dean, another meta I wrote called “Dean Winchester is going to die” after 12x11 harked at the fact that this was coming and wasn't it GLORIOUS?!

In his confrontation with Mary in 12x14 Dean essentially tells Mary that he thinks he deserves better, this is a huge deal for Dean - a HUGE deal for his self worth arc. He then in 12x22 addresses the fact that his upbringing wasn't FAIR, that he didn't cope well with it, that it has damaged him. He lets his wall down, he also literally blows down the walls of the bunker with the grenade launcher, the metaphorical taking down his walls, even Toni says it was a metaphor to hammer this home to us...

So yeah 10x16 is one of the key components throughout the years to show us that Dean’s story is all about his emotional journey to self acceptance of his softer side, the side that he hides by using the Performing!Dean facade, also he talks about people, feelings that he wants to experience differently to before or for the first time... make of that what you will but for me...

In 10x14 just two episodes earlier we have: Dean choosing Cas over Crowley (to give the first blade to) right after a deleted scene in which Crowley and Cas have a whole conversation about Dean being CAS’s boyfriend rather than Crowleys, and Crowley telling Cas that he is running himself into the ground trying to save him, also Cain paralleling Cas with Colette after telling Dean he knows him.

Not long before that we had the burger date where Dean asked Cas to take him out if he got really bad with the MoC then there was the episode where they were heavily paralleled with a married couple where the wife had to let the husband go for fear of killing more people I mean, not to mention the whole Demon!Dean arc where Cas sacrificed himself to save Dean, where Dean knows it and seems to be... clearing a space on his bed but Cas is pulled away by Heaven again, I love this visual metaphor, where then Destiel is actually brought up on screen in 10x05.... you cannot tell me that...

So yeah, this scene in 10x16 is just part of the overall exposition for Dean’s emotional journey throughout the show, it’s a part of the intricately woven pattern of Performing!Dean and Destiel that alongside other aspects of his journey make up a large part of Dean’s overall self acceptance and self worth arc, with the Performing!Dean side climaxing in 12x22, we are just waiting for the second part now...

#asks #spn 10x16 meta #tinks meta #destiel #performing!dean #dean sublimation winchester #deans self acceptance arc #Anonymous

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