#i never did finish posting snippets from every chapter

[television-overload]

of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Oh hey, look, it's that massive story I've been working on since January! I'm so thankful to everyone who has shown interest in the concept of this fic and the little snippets I've posted. You've been more help than you know. Without that support, I don't think this would have ever gotten finished.

A special thanks to @numinousmysteries who kindly beta read for me and did a fantastic job. I wanted to make sure I got this right, and she was a great help!

And now I can't wait to share this with you all! New chapters posted daily!

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 1/34 - ink and paper

How long has he been thinking about this, she wonders. What exactly is he thinking? Her mind races, trying to reconcile this Mulder whose deepest desires are spilled out here in ink on worn and crinkled brochures with the one she’s spent nearly every day with these past several months.

She'd never have guessed...

Find out if adoption is right for you! Visit us at 8080 Meadowlark Ln. Annapolis, MD “A Home for Every Child!”

Scully stares down at the brochure on the desk. One of many, which are half buried underneath a pile of paperwork from their current case. Certain words and phrases are circled in pen, underlined, annotated in the margins in the familiar scrawl she knows almost better than her own.

stability – less travel? change in division? discuss with Scully

loving home – ask Frohike for real estate agent #

The word “family” is circled three times.

She swallows with some difficulty, finding—to her dismay—that her hands are shaking. Mulder will be arriving any second, and here she is, frozen like a statue.

How long has he been thinking about this, she wonders. What exactly is he thinking? Her mind races, trying to reconcile this Mulder whose deepest desires are spilled out here in ink on worn and crinkled brochures with the one she’s spent nearly every day with these past several months.

She’d never have guessed…

“Morning, partner,” his voice calls out, and she jolts in surprise. She hears the door snick shut behind him, but she can’t bring herself to turn around. With deft fingers, she pushes the brochure back under the stack of papers where she found it, only the colorful corner of the page visible.

“Morning, Mulder,” she tries, clearing her throat. It comes out strained, but she hopes he doesn’t notice. She hides her trembling hands in her lap under the desk.

He looks down at her, half amused, half concerned. “You okay? You're not getting that stomach bug that's been going around, are you?”

“I'm fine,” she answers defensively, warning him to back off. She grabs a file off the desk in front of her with a little more force than necessary, plopping it open.

‘Okayyy,’ he mouths exaggeratedly, eyebrows raised. He sits down at his desk and leafs through some papers sitting on top, arranging them into neater stacks. When he uncovers the brochures, his eyes widen and he clears his throat, hurriedly covering them with other papers and trying to act natural.

Scully thinks about letting it go and pretending she doesn’t know what he’s hiding, but she knows she won’t be able to sleep until she finds out what’s been going on in that ridiculous head of his. 

She idly flips to the next page of the file in her hand, displaying a confidence she doesn’t feel in the firm set of her shoulders

“Doing some light reading, Mulder?” she asks, attempting to look disinterested.

His head shoots up, a look of alarm on his face. For a second he thinks she might be talking about something else, that she couldn’t possibly know, but one look at her throws that theory right out the window. He glances back and forth between her and the papers on the desk a few times before dropping his shoulders in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Scully, you weren’t supposed to see those,” he says, shuffling all the brochures into a pile while carefully avoiding eye contact. “I was working here late last night. I must have forgotten to put them away.” As he speaks, he opens the top drawer of his desk and shoves them inside, then takes a seat at his desk. His nose is buried in a file before she can even respond.

She watches him now. He is a curiosity, determinedly feigning concentration on a case she knows he finds disinteresting and a waste of time.

Typical.

“You're really not going to say anything?” she asks, arms crossed in front of her.

That rankles him. “What do you want me to say?” he asks, indignation boiling below the surface.

She looks at him incredulously, the file in front of her all but forgotten.

“You're thinking of adoption? When were you planning to share this with me?”

He sighs and shakes his head, pleading silently with her. “It's too soon, Scully. I didn't think you'd want to hear it yet.”

“But you're looking into it because…”

“It's just been on my mind, that's all.”

She stares at him, brows furrowed.

“Since when?”

Since when… Images flash of a life he didn’t recognize. His sister, alive and grown up. A quiet suburban neighborhood. Cancer Man living just down the street. A wife and kids, but not the right ones. It was wrong, all of it was wrong.

“A hallucinatory trip into an alternate universe tends to make you think,” he answers simply.

He’s looking at her now, deadly serious despite the joking tone. She doesn’t respond. Can’t respond.

“I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring all this up,” he continues. “I know it's a sore spot for you.”

It takes her a moment to conjure words from her mouth, her lips moving but no sound coming out. “I just wasn't expecting…”

“For all I know, this isn't even something you'd want.”

What does she say to that? Is she interested? 

“I– I'm not sure. I've never really considered it before.”

He waits, his eyes assessing her for some hidden meaning, some insight into her state of mind. He gets nothing. She’s totally blank.

“Well… what do you want?” He thought the question was innocuous enough, safer territory than straight up asking her if she wants to adopt, but apparently not.

She shuts her folder, abruptly standing and slinging her purse over her shoulder. “I'm going back to the crime scene,” she declares, changing the subject. “I want to see if there's anything we missed.”

“Scully…” he tries.

“Not now, Mulder.” Without even taking the time to put her coat on, she flees, leaving the door partially open in her rush to get away. Cursing under his breath, Mulder grabs his coat from its hook and hurries after her.

The elevator doors are almost all the way closed by the time he catches up, but in this case, he figures it’s worth the potential loss of a limb. He throws his hand between the closing gap in the metal doors, and it bounces back open to allow him entrance, to the extreme displeasure of one Dana Scully. He wisely stays silent in the elevator, stealing glances at her every few seconds out of the corner of his eye as they ascend. He can feel the frigid air coming off her in waves. It’s been a while since he’s seen her this annoyed with him, this eager to get away.

He won’t let her. Not this time. He’s learned from his mistakes.

In the parking garage, she's walking briskly, heels clicking on the concrete, and he has to pick up the pace to keep up with surprisingly agile little legs.

He didn’t want this confrontation. There was a reason he was keeping his research a secret. This is exactly what he was hoping to avoid, at least until the time was right to carefully drop some hints here and there. But now? There’s no carefully about it. No option to wait and let this blow over. There’s only one way out of this at this point, and unfortunately, that way is through.

He picks up the pace.

“You're the one who brought this up, Scully, I was perfectly happy throwing those brochures in my drawer and not saying a word.” 

His voice echoes in the concrete parking structure, sounding harsh even to his own ears. As frustrated as he is with her, that isn’t his intent. He only wants to know what he can do to help her, how he can help her fulfill her dreams. He lets out a breath, and with it, releases his selfish frustration. She’s still walking away at a breakneck pace, and he doesn’t know how he can get her to stop and face this. 

“If you want to talk about it, let's talk about it,” he says, pleading. “I can't help you if I don't know what you want. You want me to shut up, never mention the subject again?” he shouts, throwing his hands in the air, “Fine, just tell me. What do you want, Scully?”

“I just want to be a mom, okay?” she yells, whirling around to face him. Her words instantly silence him, and he watches stone-faced as tears spring in her eyes. “I see all these other moms out there and think… I could do that too. Why can’t I do that too?”

Well, mission accomplished. The truth is finally out there. Part of him feels bad for pushing her, but the other part knows that it was doing her no good to keep her feelings bottled up inside to deal with by herself. He reaches out a hand, intending to comfort her, his eyes softening in sympathy. 

“You could. Scully, you’d be the best mom.”

She flinches away, stepping out of his reach. “You don’t know that, Mulder. I can’t even—even my body is even telling me no. Over and over.” She resumes her brisk walk to her car, and he thinks he sees her brush angrily at her face, no doubt wiping away the evidence of the stubborn tears that have managed to escape.

He rushes to get in front of her, walking backwards so he can keep her in his sight. 

“When has that ever stopped you?” he asks. “You had cancer, and you kept fighting. You’re alive today because you refused to give up when your body quit on you. What about that?” He stops abruptly, forcing her to come to a halt before she crashes into him.

There’s no way out of this, is there? Her shoulders slump in defeat.

“You saved me, Mulder,” she admits quietly, shaking her head. “You’re the one who didn’t give up. Not me. It was only because you were with me that I survived.”

This time, when she goes to walk away, he stops her, placing a hand on her shoulder. The simple touch causes her to freeze, hardly breathing, and when he steps closer, she stays. His hands slide down her shoulders, holding her securely in place to ensure that his next words come through loud and clear.

“I’m gonna be with you here on this too, I promise.” His thumbs brush back and forth on the fabric of her sleeves, for his comfort or hers, she’s not sure. “You can still be a mother, Scully. I’ll help you.”

She shakes her head, her heart feeling like it has been ripped to shreds. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.” He gives her a little shake for emphasis. She still won’t look at him. “You’ve kept me alive all these years, how much harder could a baby be?”

That gets a breathy chuckle from her, and her head falls to her chest. Groaning with the agony of this burden on her heart, she stops fighting it and leans into him. Without hesitation, he wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his embrace.

Her hand comes up to find purchase on his suit jacket, relishing in the comfort only he can provide. She’s past caring if anyone sees them like this here. Let them talk. They already do, anyway.

“Well, at least when you wake me up in the middle of the night, you’re not crying,” she speaks into his chest.

She feels him shrug, and can almost see the goofy smile she knows she put on his lips.

“Usually.”

She looks up at him with her chin on his sternum before taking a deep breath and pulling away.

“It's raining,” he says softly, glancing down at her and brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “We can go back to the crime scene later.” She nods, unsure what else to say. She allows herself to be led, his ever-present hand brushing against her back as they start toward the basement.

“Adoption,” Scully mutters to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. “I don’t know, Mulder. This—this is different than IVF. With that, all I was asking for was your…” her eyes dart around, looking anywhere but at him, “genetic material. This is something entirely different.”

He’s pleased she’s at least considering it, but she doesn’t get it at all, if that’s what she thinks.

“How? ‘Cause from where I’m standing, the process of getting a baby is a little different, but in the long run, the result is the same.”

She pauses, looking at him in confusion. “What– what are you saying?”

He runs a hand awkwardly through his hair, suddenly taking a unique interest in his shoes and the floor of the parking structure.

“Yeah, we probably should have talked about this before…”

“Talked about what?”

He sighs and guides her into a stairwell. It’s stuffy and poorly-lit with a flickering lightbulb, but here, there’s less of a chance they’ll be overheard.

“Look, Scully, I don’t know what you had in mind for my involvement beyond contributing to half the baby’s DNA when you first asked me to help you get pregnant,” he starts, fighting hard to meet her eyes instead of shying away. “But, I– I had hoped it would be a little more than ‘Say hi to Uncle Mulder,’ every couple of months.”

She blinks back at him, speechless.

“I’m sorry if that’s overstepping, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable with all this, I just—” He takes in a breath. “I guess I got to thinking of what it might be like to have a family again.” His bout of honesty is met with a blank stare, and his nervous smile drops. “I completely misread the situation, didn’t I?” he asks, self-loathing waiting on standby. “Got ahead of myself…”

She stops him by catching his coat sleeve. “No—uh. No, you didn’t.” She collects herself, willing herself to offer him some reassurance. Her fingers release the fabric of his coat, shifting her grasp instead to his hand. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.”

He glances down at where she holds tightly to him, and his lips curl into some semblance of a smile.

“I guess they might have had a point with all those communication seminars we’ve skipped, huh?”

She chuckles softly.

“I don’t think this is exactly what they had in mind…”

With a gentle tug, Mulder leads her down the stairs, committed to holding her hand as long as she’ll let him. The air is stagnant and silent, only the rhythmic echo of their shoes clicking on the concrete steps as they make their way to the bottom floor.

She’s thinking. What she knows now, it changes everything. 

She had asked him to leave. Hid her grief from him as much as possible after her initial lapse into weakness when she came home with the news. She had almost kissed him, then, unsure of what else she had to live for. She knew she was hurting him by folding inward on herself in the weeks that followed, but that didn’t stop her from doing it. She was in a dark place, hardly able to see what was right in front of her. What she couldn’t see was that his hurt wasn’t just for her, born of some misguided sense of guilt or pity. It was his own, too.

“Mulder, all those months, after it failed—” There’s something like fear in her voice as she utters these words, or maybe regret.

“I was just worried about you.”

She squeezes his hand, feeling tears well in her eyes once more. “No, you were grieving like I was, and I didn’t notice. I pushed you away…”

“Dana…” He turns, a couple steps ahead of her, so for once it’s him who has to look up to meet her eyes. Her lip wobbles as she looks down at him, and he brushes his thumb tenderly over her knuckles. “You had to deal with it on your own, I understood that. I don’t blame you for anything.”

Those eyes. So open and honest and sad. She wonders how anyone could hurt him, could bear to break this man’s heart. How could she? 

Choking back a sob, she falls into him, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding tight. His arms encircle her back, supporting her weight, and she feels herself being lifted as he goes up a step, closing the distance between them.

His hand climbs up to the back of her head, stroking her hair soothingly.

“I just wanted to be there for you,” he mumbles into her neck.

“You were, Mulder,” she gasps between bouts of tears, finding comfort in the feel of his soft hair between her fingers. “You’ve always been there.”

He pulls back, lifting his hands to cup her face and wiping away the tears he finds there with the pads of his thumbs. 

“You don’t have to give an answer now,” he says, reassuring, “This is… a big commitment, I know, and I don’t want you to say yes just because I suggested it. I just wanted you to know it’s an option, and if you want to have a baby, I’m in. However you want to go about it, I’ll be as involved as you want. Just– let me know, anytime. Okay?”

He’s looking at her now, head ducked so those sad, puppy-dog eyes can get his message across.

She nods, holding tight to the wrists that so tenderly cup her face.

“Okay.”

~~~

Lovely tag list ♡: [if you would like to be added or removed, let me know!]

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[wehangout]

Shameless DVD Commentary

The wonderful @i-think-you-mean-reduction asked for a DVD commentary on Suncatcher! This was the first time I'd read it since finishing, so that was a lot of fun, too! This whole thing got away on me, so hit that read more if you want to read more 💜 as usual, thanks to @callivich for starting this awesome idea!

Which fanfic is your DVD commentary about?

Suncatcher!

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

Okay, I started posting this in March of 2022, which leads me to believe I started writing it in 2021 (I'm on a borrowed laptop, so can't check). It took some time to finish because ~real life~ and word count hits 58,592.

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Oooh, okay. This post. If you don't want to click, it's a text post saying "au where thief!cas tries to ride dean's dick and keep track of when his flashdrive is done stealing the contents of dean's computer at the same time". Obviously, that kind of scene never happened in Suncatcher, but vibes, you know?

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

Mostly Mickey because almost everything I write is Mickey pov. But I did experiment with this by writing those 3rd person Ian snippets, and literally the only reason for it is so the reader could be there for that moment of realisation when Ian figures it all out.

What was your favourite scene to write?

I don't know that I have one, but I really enjoyed the scene where Mickey asks Ian to come to Mexico. Getting to write them being soft, even just for a minute, was nice. And literally any of their flirty banter was fun to write lol.

How did you come up with the title?

I feel like this doesn't need an explanation, lol. I will say, though, I had three other titles in mind. I had "Denouement", "Encontrar", and "Atrapasol". Encontrar means "to find" in Spanish (because I knew it would end with them in Mexico), while "Atrapasol" means "suncatcher". At least, according to Google translate lmao.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice?

I did a reread in order to write this commentary, so, please, have a list of moments, foreshadowing, and references.

* Mickey's nautical-themed sleeve! “Sailing? Nah, man. I just really like pirates.” Get it? Because he's a thief? And pirates steal shit? Literally no one caught onto that haha * “Uh … growing up the way I did, I’m probably better at the B&E itself rather than tryin’ to solve it.” -- Mickey literally says this in the first chapter lmao * His mind doesn’t go over every detail of the North Side burglaries and he doesn’t obsess over the thief committing them. No thief. Just a bartender. Just Mickey. -- Um, hello? * “Never gonna give that up, are we?” “Never gonna live it down.” “Those aren’t the lyrics.” “Okay, lyric police.” -- 27 Dresses, thank you * Ahh, Mickey's blowjob tattoo. The amount of erotic tattoo designs I looked at for this, but nothing was right. Until Mitch 💜 * He snorts. “Clearly you don’t know many writers.” “I don’t. Should I?” “No. They’re the worst.” -- I'm dying 😂 * Well, this really has turned into a commentary, huh? Apologies. * "A little dry, to be honest." Chapter 3 and 9. Did anyone catch that?

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

The last two chapters. Life completely turned upside-down on me and I couldn't write a thing. Zero motivation, infinity depression. Then, at the beginning of this year ... I dunno. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was writing again and I haven't stopped yet.

Favourite line in the story?

“Catch me if you can, motherfucker.”

“Two, I give you the keys to the cuffs and leave. But first I suck your dick until you come down my throat.”

“I’ll give you what you want, Red, you just have to decide what you want more; the thief, or his mouth?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he whispers. “You did everything, Ian.”

“Interesting,” he says. “I was already half in love with you by then.” 😭

“I’m gonna fuck you now. You know that, right?” You groan and drop your head. “You might just break my fucking heart if you don’t, Gallagher.”

“So long as that lover is you, Gallagher.”

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

Yeah, but only chapters 9 and 10. Initially I was going to write Ian having a depressive episode and Mickey talking to him about everything while he was down, but I hated the idea. I didn't want it to seem like Mickey/the thief was the cause of his episode, and I also didn't want to use it as a tool. The idea changed into a possible attack on Ian, but that still wasn't working for me. So, instead, you got the scene with Mickey handcuffed and Ian asking questions. I switched the vulnerability around and made it way more fun.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this?

Nah. A little crime with my romance is my go-to lol

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

Finishing it. Kidding. Kinda. Not really.

Actually, though, the dialogue and banter is pretty good. It reads very natural, so I'm proud of that.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story?

Only what I mentioned above. I wrote the attack on Ian, Mickey sitting with him in hospital ... it wasn't good.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line?

Oh, the moment where Ian finds the camera and leaves it. He'd just heard Mickey tell him that he stopped watching before things got interesting, and that's what he's thinking about as he puts the camera back down with a smirk. About Mickey not stopping just as things get interesting. I had thought about writing it, too. A scene where Mickey doesn't close the laptop, working consent into it and Ian putting on a fucking show

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

I don't think so. I'm pretty happy with most of it.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story?

Kinda did. Wouldn't be opposed to doing more. All the cream pie banter I'm rereading is def giving me inspo for if I write more of them oops

Are there any ‘easter eggs’ in your story - e.g. references to other stories you’ve written, a trope you often use etc?

I think I mentioned this in the commentary for Thicker Than Forget, but Jim Morrison/The Doors lyrics. I don't know, man, it just works for me haha.

Also the name thing - Gallagher/Ian/baby and Mickey/Mick.

There's also the line "It’s gone from bartender and customer having a bit of fun flirting and teasing, to silk sheets and Nine Inch Nails pounding through the speakers." - The NIN might be a reference to Help Me (Tear Down My Reasons) 😏 iykyk

Were you nervous or excited to post this story?

Excited. Probably more excited to post ch2, though, just for the reaction to Mickey being the thief haha

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

@whaticameherefor always 💜

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

@i-think-you-mean-reduction asked for the scene where Ian asks Mickey on a date which I've pasted below.

A couple of notes on it:

The Riverwalk Cocktail Festival is a real thing in Chicago

I put a stupid amount of research into finding them the perfect date and this just fits.

Reading it back, I love that the Mickey doesn't think of the thief or anything to do with that shit once during this conversation. It's just two guys who like each other, and one's asking the other out on a date. It's just happy.

I think Mickey was so surprised that Ian was asking him out that everything he said and felt and thought was genuine. He even has a moment of "Fucking finally" that he doesn't mean to say, but 100% means.

I'm sad they never did it.

“Just my gut.” He pauses. Smiles. “Speaking of … in the interest of trusting my gut with my personal life as well as my professional life, have you heard of the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival next month?” Your heart skips a beat. Yeah, you’re heard of the fucking festival, and you can’t believe Ian’s doing this. “I’ve been a few times,” you tell him. “Sandy and I go under the pretence of work, and then get shit-faced.” “Okay, so do you maybe wanna go again?” He fingers go back to the coaster, but again he keeps eye contact. “But, you know, with me instead of Sandy.” There’s nothing romantic about the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival unless you go to the Riverwalk Cocktail Festival with romantic intentions. If you go with a date then it’s stupidly fucking romantic and you and Sandy used to talk shit about those assholes every chance you got, but … But the idea of being one of those couples, of going with Ian and having it be romantic … it makes you sick to your stomach how much you like the idea. “You askin’ me on a date, Gallagher?” He stares at you, eyes wide and honest. “Yeah.” “Fuckin’ finally.” You don’t mean to say it. You think it and you mean it, but you don’t mean to say it. Ian’s smile, though, makes the slip worth it. “So that’s a yes?” “Yeah.” “Good.” He smiles. Fucking beams. “Because I’ve already bought tickets, so I would’ve been kinda fucked if you’d said no.” “You already bought tickets?” “Some might call it presumptuous; I call it optimistic.” You shake your head. “Ian, man, those tickets are expensive as fuck –” “Doesn’t matter.” “Matters. At least let me pay you back for mine.” You already know he won’t let you pay for both of them. “Not a chance. This is me trusting my gut, asking you out, and feeling really good about it.” A smile pulls at the corner of your mouth. “Oh yeah?” “Yeah.” He smiles right back. “You wanna pull me out of that good feeling, the one I get when you agree to go on a date with me, by bringing up my money woes? Or do you wanna talk about our date and agree upon matching outfits?” “You better be fucking joking.”

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story?

So, as mentioned above there was a good chunk of time where nothing was updated. If you were someone who left a kudos or a comment or messaged me on here during that time, or even continued reading when I finally updated, please know it meant a lot.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

Hi, I'm someone who's interested in making a long-fic but just been struggling to do so. Alot of it just cause I really I'm not confident in my ability to write it well or that people will read it. Even though Neon Void was your first fic (I think) you managed to not only reach so many, but tell a story so deep and personal and moving that every time I re-read a snippet I find myself wanting to read a whole chapter.....and then the entire series.

If I can be so bold to ask, how did you do it? How did you take Neon Void and make it? What kept you from giving into the voices within and without that tell you to give up? How did you make sure the story was the best it could be. If you could go back, what would you do differently? What strategies would be best for someone who also wants to do a longfic?

Sorry if it's alot.

First, thank you so so much. It makes me super happy to hear that you thought it was moving and enjoy reading it!!

and don’t be sorry!! I’m super flattered that you wanted to ask me such a cool and thought provoking question!! Gunna hide most of this answer under a read-more as I get a little autobiographical, but in short:

You must be your own biggest fan

I’ll be honest— I had NO idea so many people would read my fic. The amount of positive feedback has blown me away and I couldn’t be more thankful for how nice the TMNT fandom has been to me (and my sister!!)

And you’re right! Neon Void WAS my first fic I ever published!! But I’ve been writing every day since I was a tween. I just love to write. But even then, I was nervous to post. No one except my closest friend had EVER read my writing before. I wasn’t sure if anyone would read it, or even like it since it was kind of a wacky premise.

But also in a way, it was okay if no one else read it, because I liked it. And that’s kind of the secret sauce to it all.

I have never, ever written anything this long before. Originally, TNV was going to be like, ten chapters max. I have no idea it would evolve into a nearly 30 chapter fic. And i think there were several factors that contributed to that.

First, I was utterly and totally obsessed with my own AU. When i started daydreaming about certain scenes over and over, i knew i had to write it. Being so invested in my own story was the biggest factor in actually finishing it. Which sounds so obvious, but the thing is I have a tendency to think of new AUs constantly. (Sometimes even daily.) The fact I kept revisiting this one was a sign that if i wanted to write it, now was the time.

Second, and this is piggybacking off of that last confession of always daydreaming new AUs, i knew i was on a personal timer. If i was going to do this, I had to make sure I did it. So i gave myself a goal of trying to post on a rough schedule to keep myself accountable.

(But remember!!!! It's just fanfiction!!! you never, ever have to put that kind of expectation on yourself! You don't need a posting schedule. You don't even need to finish. I personally pushed myself so hard to see it through because for years I told myself that if i was ever going to post fanfiction, i HAD to finish. It's okay if you don't!! I would never ask a writer or an artist to slog through something that doesn't bring them joy anymore. Because at the end of the day, fanfiction is meant to be fun!!)

BUT

Here's a bit of a confession. I didn't want to give up on it because it brought me a lot of joy during a rough year. I found myself sneaking on my phone at work to write a paragraph or two whenever I had the chance. I would think about it 24/7. I was in love with the story I was making up and looking forward to writing helped get through some not so Cowabunga times. I know posting your work is super intimidating-- and you might be tempted to stop-- but remember, if it makes you happy-- even for a while-- it's worth it. TNV was making my days a bit brighter even before I started posting it.

Which leads to my next confession-- and this is probably the biggest reason I was able to actually pull it off with a posting schedule:

I had already written 50%-60% of TNV before I even posted chapter 1.

And that was on purpose for several reasons. One, I was having so much fun planning easter eggs and planning long-term foreshadowing bits. Second, it was a test to see if this AU was really rotting my brain enough that I wanted to spend a lot of time writing it. By the time I had a lot written and scenes I was super eager to get to, I knew I wanted to post it. But having a bulk of it already written was a huge reassurance in trying to maintain my posting schedule. (But again, that was just my style! You can hit the ground running if you'd like, start and then pause for a while to figure things out-- whatever works best for you!!)

But even when i was insanely obsessed with my own AU, it still took a lot of time and energy to write. There will be times you will find yourself trudging through bridging scenes to get to the scenes you actually wanna write and it's sooooooooo haaaaaaaaard. BUT!!! It's worth it!!! Getting through it and seeing how it sets up the exciting part just right is soooooooo satisfying.

As for making sure the story was the best it could be??? I'm not sure!! Because there were definitely times I went whining to my sister and best friend about certain plot points or scenes, worried it wasn't good enough. There were a LOT of times a scene or idea just didn't feel right. Heck, a lot of chapters ended up in a different order than when I originally started writing!! The lesson I learned throughout the whole thing is that the original idea doesn't have to be absolute. Sometimes rearranging the scenes is just what you need!

But when i was REALLY struggling, I'd find myself referring back to the original source. It was what inspired a fanfic after all! Sometimes taking a step back and reevaluating each character's personality helped me shape the scene into something that felt better. Other times I had to step back and remind myself about what was actually important to the story. (Example: originally, I had no idea how to get Donnie to the hidden city by himself. At first I tried to think of some lore on the mask to give Donnie a reason to go investigating Void... but it didn't feel right. The mask wasn't important. Not even Void was the most important thing to Donnie at the time. Leo was. And that helped me sort of get rid of the loosey-goosey idea of giving a complicated back story to the mask that made the story feel muddled.)

But even then, I wasn't sure if certain moves were the best they could be! I was always worried (and continue to be) that I poured too much into descriptions, or spent too much time talking about emotions with too little action. Or that I overuse phrases. But so long as each chapter made me happy, I figured readers would enjoy them too.

If I could go back and do something different... I wouldn't have goofed with Leo's kraang parasite adaptation in Mad Dog Part 2: Prom. I was trying to make his parasite enter an obvious 'stage 2 boss battle' look, but later I realized I didn't like how I described it lol.

But!!! I will confess, I'm no saint-- when i started getting lovely comments, it helped pour gas on the fire to keep going. And that's why I'm so thankful for every comment or doodle or ask sent my way. You guys are amazing and helped me get the fire under my ass to keep going, even when things were really hard.

I know it sounds so corny and like a cop-out answer, but ultimately, it's YOUR personal investment in YOUR story that is the secret sauce!!! So long as your interested in it, it won't feel so impossible to write a long fic. There will be challenges (like there is with any project) but honestly?? If you're head over heels for your own story, it will be fun and fulfilling. Even if you don't finish-- so long as it made you happy, that's what matters the most. (Again, that's so cheesy... but just like Master Leonardo tells Leo, 'cheesiness makes the best pizza pies in life'.)

Thank you again so much for this fun ask-- and I believe in you! You've got this. Have fun, enjoy writing, and have confidence in your work, because it makes YOU happy, and that's the greatest thing a story could be.

[whisperinggbreeze]

"Welcome back, San Lang," Xie Lian said, letting go of the vine he had been tugging at. Hua Cheng frowned; his hands were visibly scraped and bleeding. "I didn't think you'd really come. You didn't have to."

"I was curious about this god of yours," Hua Cheng replied, startled at the name for a second. He supposed he never really visited the mortals he gave a fake name to more than once, so he wasn't expecting to hear the name San Lang again.

Hua Cheng thought he caught a brief flash of white across the doorway before Xie Lian stepped back outside, extending a hand to invite Hua Cheng into the shrine.

"You said you have some questions for me? As shrine master, I should be able to answer them."

"Yes," Hua Cheng said, following him inside. "Your god, after he was banished, he didn't disappear, did he?"

---

He saw a flower that looked oddly familiar— although he couldn't place it— and was slightly translucent, almost like a spirit. He reached out to touch one of its petals lightly, and found he could feel it despite its appearance.

Glancing around, he found that the flower gave off a soft, faint glow. He took it in properly; it was the most beautiful flower he'd ever seen. Its petals were delicate, and although he was sure he'd never seen anything like it before, it still inexplicably reminded him of something.

(...But from how long ago? Was he missing another piece of his past, or was he just too old to remember something like this?)

---

some excerpts from chapter 3 of my god hc/calamity xl fic! I am very close to my goal of finishing chapter 3 so I can publish the story on ao3; it's been giving me a bit of trouble because I've had writer's block and this chapter is probably longer than all the other ones combined, but it's finally almost finished!

a note to people who may have been following the snippets of the story I have been posting: everything is subject to change in editing. in fact, I'm pretty sure every single excerpt I've posted here has been changed pretty heavily, with the chapter 2 extract being nearly completely rehauled because I didn't like it (...and it had some accidental plotholes).

anyways, I am very excited to publish this because it'll be my first published fic in quite a long time— and it will be my first tgcf fic! i hope everyone enjoys it, and even if you don't end up reading the real thing, I hope you've enjoyed the extracts so far <3

[holdmymallowsweet]

WAIT WAIT you’re extending the Jackdaw/MC fic? Happy days are here again!! My favorite minor character ♥️ I’d love to hear about to our dying days!

Yeees, more Jackdaw! I decided to write a winter themed sequel shortly after I posted the first one and I wrote most of it in november. I was actually so confident I'd have it posted in time for christmas but then the real life christmas stress crept up on me, so... And the third one's gonna be a prequel to both of them, but I don't have much for that one yet, except an idea of what it's gonna be about and a few sentences.

To our dying days is a three chapter piece of "What if Hogwarts was overrun by Inferi" Sebinis brainrot, inspired by netflix delaying season 2 of all of us are dead until 2026 (and me being bitter about it).

Basically lots of them running away and hiding and finally admitting their feelings for each other and reconnecting properly after the events of fifth year made things a bit awkward between them. Also smut, probably. I really don't know who would read that (except me) but I'll write it anyway.

snippet under the cut because it's long (and unedited, so please ignore any mistakes)

It was a simple, but effective arrangement they had- Sebastian was allowed to get his fix by reading up on Dark Magic, and Ominis would get to check his wand to make sure he wasn't actually using it.

Ominis wasn't entirely happy about it, but it was the best he could get. They both knew that Sebastian would always be tempted, his desire for knowledge and power was as much a part of him as his freckles. This was scratching an itch, to make sure it didn't drive him mad and them apart.

But ultimately, it was also why Sebastian never dared to make a move.

Because every time he had the urge to flirt with Ominis, or ask him out on a date, or accidentally touch him a little too much or too long, one thought made him stop dead.

You murdered your uncle.

It stood between them like a solid brick wall. Being friends was already more than he deserved, he should be grateful Ominis was even still speaking to him. He was a murderer, and Ominis had covered for him long enough to become an accomplice rather than a witness- now, two years later, he couldn’t speak up and turn him in even if he wanted to.

When he brought it up- when he was drunk, because he sure wouldn’t dare to broach the subject sober- Ominis would tell him they were even. He’d used an unforgivable too, and Sebastian kept his secret. But that wasn’t the same, and he made sure to tell Ominis that, who only went deadly silent in turn. It was as if he needed them to be even, probably because it was the only way he could live with his decision.

That thought he kept to himself, because he knew Ominis would have a breakdown if he had to face the truth.

Sebastian wasn’t a good person. Not good enough for Ominis.

That truth did nothing to stop his heart from desiring his best friend, though. And his cock certainly couldn’t care less.

Sebastian was getting antsy. He had another dream last night, of a warm, suspiciously Ominis shaped body climbing in his bed and under the sheets with him, feeling him up in all the right ways to make him wake up with a throbbing erection that begged for attention, but not substantial enough to be satisfying. 

He just wanted to finish the book, and then he’d sneak back out and have a well deserved wank in one of the bathroom stalls, thinking about his best and only friend.

On his knees, lips wrapped around his cock. Or bent over the toilet, begging him to come inside-

Fuck. 

He adjusted his rapidly hardening length, briefly palming himself, tempted to start stroking and getting it over with.

But getting caught in the restricted section was one thing, getting caught with his trousers down and wanking next to ‘Magick Moste Evile’ was something he wasn’t quite sure how he’d ever talk himself out of. And damn it, he wanted to savour it, to recall the dream when he did it. If it wasn’t something he could ever have for real, he at least wanted to indulge in his fantasies as much as possible.

Right after he finished the book. 

[umbracirrus]

WIP Wednesday!!

A not-so-little snippet of Elyse spending time with Dagny for my WIP today, with a little bit of Balgruuf! Not much else to say, honestly-!!! I'm hoping to get this chapter finished soon, and make some more progress on the next chapter which is. Well. Going to have some very cute moments with The Idiots :3

Tagged by @hircines-hunter yesterday, and will tag back today! Also tagging @thequeenofthewinter, @skyrim-forever, @oblivions-dawn, and anyone else who wants to share a WIP (but no obligations to share anything-!!!) And btw - if anyone? mutuals??? wants me to tag them in WIP posts or not please let me know - trying to figure out who to tag is what takes the longest when I make these WIP posts 😭

-----------

“Can you hold onto your hair for a moment? Don’t move! I’m getting something quickly!” Dagny requested, dragging her out of her thoughts as she was made to take hold of her hair which was currently split into three strands and in the middle of being braided together. She watched as the girl ran over to a drawer, and pulled out what looked to be some flowers which had been dried out and preserved. “These will do!”

When Dagny returned, she took the strands of hair back from Elyse, but made her hold onto the small bundle of flowers. Every once in a while, as she resumed the braiding, she would ask for one of the flowers to weave into the braid, and she did it so quickly and so deftly it almost stunned Elyse.

“I... don’t often get time like this. To do things that I like,” Dagny eventually whispered once the final flower had been weaved in, before taking the hair tie from Elyse’s wrist and starting to wrap it around the end of the braid. “I don’t care about weapons like Frothar does. I don’t even know what Nelkir does for fun, but he always tells me to leave him alone. And Father is always busy... He’ll find time to get me some nice clothes, or nice food... But I can’t spend much time with him.” Her eyes fell to the ground, and she sighed. “I do like spending time with Mila and Braith... But they say that I’m ‘different’ to them. That... because father is the Jarl, I’ve got more money and privileges than them.”

Elyse was quite surprised to hear such an honest statement from Dagny. It was a surprisingly earnest self-reflection to come from her, given how she had been speaking and behaving until that point.

In a sudden change back to her usual behaviour, Dagny clapped her hands together and gestured for her to stand. “Come on, up on your feet! My mirror is heavy, and I don’t want to drag it over – I want to know what you think of my handiwork.”

Elyse was stunned as she stared at her reflection in Dagny’s mirror. She would almost never put her hair into a braid, it was always far too much hassle, yet seeing it like that, draped over her shoulder... Perhaps Dagny did have a point about her hair making her look older in its usual style. Not that it would deter her from her bun, it was functional and reliable, and much less likely to get in her way like that. But perhaps in her free time in the future... Perhaps she would try not to always have her hair like that.

She turned towards the girl, and smiled. “It’s lovely, Dagny. Thank you.”

Seemingly pleased with the reaction, Dagny brought her hand up to her chin. “I think that I’ll let you off with the clothes, because you’re obviously not going to fit into any of my dresses… So...” She quietly hummed. “I know! We’ll go to into the city and do some shopping! I could do with a new dress… and you definitely do.”

Once more, Elyse felt Dagny take hold of her arm to get her to move, though thankfully she only held on long enough to make sure that she was actually following. She honestly wasn’t the biggest fan of wearing dresses, they were more of a special occasion thing for her – but if it appeased her at the very least by tagging along, then she would play along. Besides… Dagny did seem to be delighted at having somebody to spend time with from Dragonsreach… she didn’t have anyone close to her who could have joined her to do these sorts of things with, beyond her few friends. It was a sacrifice she was willing to make, even if it wasn’t really her thing.

They began to make their way towards the main doors of Dragonsreach, but when they had just made their way past the fire pit in the middle of the main hall, Dagny gasped and turned around. “Wait a minute! I need to talk to father quickly!”

Elyse turned on her heel and followed the girl.

Not caring that Balgruuf appeared to be in the middle of a conversation with Farengar, Dagny rushed over to her father and cleared her throat to get his attention. He turned to face her briefly, to tell her to wait for a minute, though she appeared to not like that and started tapping her foot as she folded her arms over. Elyse let out a quiet sigh at the girl’s stubbornness.

After a few moments, Farengar pinched at his nose, and began to make his way back to his study. Balgruuf had barely been able to take a breath after that conversation before Dagny was stood in front of him. “Father, I’m going into the city with Elyse. Can I have some money?”

Balgruuf stared at her for a moment, raising his eyebrow at the request for money. “Dagny, you know that I can’t keep giving you money to spend – I told you that you needed to make the money that I gave you at the festival last. Did you spend it all on cakes and accessories?”

“I wouldn’t be asking for some if I had any left.”

A loud sigh escaped Balgruuf as he folded his arms over and shook his head. “I can’t give you any, Dagny. At any other time I would, but right now I am not able to. I’m sorry,” he stated, before lowering his arms, ruffling Dagny’s hair as he did so. Dagny let out a huff as she ran her hand back through the strands to neaten it back out.

“Just because you don’t have money doesn’t mean that we can’t go and look at things, Dagny,” Elyse piped up at this point, drawing the attention of both father and daughter. “You could always just show me some of your favourite places in the city and we can go back there in the future.”

“I suppose we could do that…” Dagny mumbled, disappointment in her voice. She then turned her head back towards Balgruuf. “We will be back later, Father.” She then fully turned around to face him when he didn’t respond, and frowned. He hadn’t moved since they had turned to look at Elyse as she had spoken. “Father?” And after a few more moments with no response, she reached up and started snapping her fingers in front of his face. “Father! Did you hear me?! We will be back soon!”

Balgruuf blinked for a moment, then brought his hands to his face and ran them down it. “Y-Yes, apologies, Dagny. There’s just a lot on my mind right now, I heard you…” He exhaled quietly. “Stay safe out there, both of you.”

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

WIP (Not) Wednesday

Thank you for the tag @queen--kenobi <3

I am so close to finishing chapter two of Fire on the Mountain and sending it off for beta reading, that I don't want to share any more snippets of that, because it will (hopefully) be posted within the week.

Here is a snippet of a little something I am writing for the show Rivals:

Lori prickled at the memory, her brow furrowing involuntarily into a scowl as she clenched her teeth. The anger burned hot and humiliating, just as potent as it had on the day she'd first met that smug bastard. Her tiny car had manoeuvred its way around the tightly winding, hedge lined country lanes of Rutshire. She had craned her neck over the steering wheel, her fingers gripping it so tightly that her knuckles turned white. Her heart thudded at the prospect of meeting another car head on, or worse yet, a tractor -- there simply wasn't enough space for her to pull any further over, and she didn't trust the posh twats that lived in this area not to speed around the roads as though they owned them. She supposed, in a way, they did. When she'd finally made it to the address she had found listed for Conservative MP, Rupert Campbell-Black, she was disgusted yet unsurprised by the sprawling estate his enormous stately home was settled upon. It was every bit the indication of old money, of someone whose standing in society was so far removed from that of the working classes that they couldn't possibly ever understand the rights and quality of life they were voting to strip away from them -- they'd never be affected by it.

No pressure tags: @emilykaldwen @selfproclaimedunicorn @rottengrowls @exitpursuedbyavulcan @targaryenrealnessdarling

@yoursweetheartsrevenge @mermaidslabyrinth @ripdragonbeans @writingjourney @thought--bubble

[semantics-error]

I hope that this doesn't sound weird now but I wanted to thank you for last year. Your writing is everything. I struggled a lot in the past year. Your writing always made me happy though like damn "for having loved a little while" is a masterpiece. Even though I am certain you hate me, bc you aren't not giving me and the boys happiness.. and I finish "I could never deny you" in one setting. It's my comfort fic. I reread certain chapters every night. Just wanted to say thank you. ❤️

Thank you for spending your precious time reading my stories! I'm sorry you struggled last year, and I'm so glad my stories could help make things a little bit brighter for you :) Your incredibly sweet message doesn't sound weird by the way! I'm generally open to asks but one this kind is definitely okay. It also came at a perfect time, since I've been feeling disheartened about my writing lately. Thank you for this encouragement and the reminder that my words have the power to touch people's hearts <3

I am sorry about For Having Loved a Little While... I definitely did not mean to have a delay right when things finally turn toward angst T.T I had a hectic holiday so I won't post this week, but next week things should be back to normal! As an apology for the delay and a thank you for this kind message, here's a snippet of Chapter 15 of For Having Loved a Little While (subject to change in editing of course):

~~~

Sand was wasted. That much was clear, as he stumbled his way up the steps to his apartment.

He figured it out from the way the world spun as he got on the courier bike home. Or maybe he knew all the way back in the third shitty bar, where he had drunk two more awful shots and a beer. For how seedy the place was, the bill had been astronomical. At least, if he’d read the numbers correctly. Which, now that he tried to remember how math worked, seemed unlikely. 

At least he was almost home. 

Instead of heading inside after he climbed the stairs, Sand leaned against the cool wall of the hallway and texted Nick.

> coe outside

Sand’s phone lit up as Nick called instead of texting back. Sand declined the call with a jab of his finger. 

> where are you 

“Shhh,” Sand chided his phone when it chimed. He took his time, using autocorrect to get all the letters correct. 

> come outside. don’t tell ray

A minute later, he heard a quiet shuffling and then the door opened. 

Sand stepped back, wobbling to keep his balance, but intent on drawing Nick out of the apartment.

“What-”

“Shhh. Don't tell Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes but gently closed the door behind him and followed Sand around to the stairwell. 

“Why can’t you just come inside?”

Sand thought that was rather obvious. “’M drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Nick looked him up and down, eyebrows raised incredulously. “What the fuck, Sand? We’ve been so worried.”

Sand leaned his cheek against the cool plaster of the wall. Why was he here? He should have just stayed somewhere else until he sobered up. There was always his mom but-

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

Nick sighed and opened his phone. 

Sand made a grab for it. “Don't tell him.” 

Nick swung the phone easily out of the way of his clumsy hands. “I’m just letting him know that you're safe and I'm with you. Sand—he's really worried.”

Sand blinked owlishly for a moment, processing Nick’s words. Worried about me? Why? “Don't tell him I’m drunk.”

“You should trust him more.”

“Do trust him.” I'm the problem. “Drank whiskey. Hibiki.”

“Shit,” Nick cursed under his breath. 

Ray’s favorite whiskey. Sand didn't even know why he'd picked it—he hated whiskey. Never drank it willingly, especially not the high-end Japanese stuff. But he couldn't see Ray with the smell of whiskey on his breath. Any alcohol was bad, but whiskey—he could never do that to Ray.

He had known that when he started drinking—he had wanted this conclusion. Wanted to punish himself without the option for Ray to smooth it all away.

But now, maudlin and without the recourse of Ray’s effusive affection, he regretted it deeply. 

“Wanna see Ray.”

Nick rolled his eyes as he propped his shoulder under one of Sand’s arms. “You literally just said you can’t.”

“Oh. S’right. I miss him.”

“Come on,” Nick said with a sigh.

Sand dug his heels in against Nick’s pull and made a questioning noise. Even if he couldn’t go into the apartment like this, he wanted to be here. As close to Ray as he was allowed. 

But Nick kept tugging. “I’m not waiting around in our stairwell for you to sober up. Let’s get coffee or something, that’ll help.”

Sand groaned but Nick made a good argument. And if they were out getting coffee there was less chance he would buckle and just stagger inside, clinging to his poor boyfriend with the smell of poison on his breath.

[blueeyedgrlwrites]

Well. This is better late than never, because time is a construct, right? Thank you for the tags @clockwrkpendrxgon, @bitbybitwrites, @0npurpose, @porcelainmortal, @onthewaytosomewhere,

@run-for-chamo-miles, @firenati0n, @kiwiana-writes, @cha-melodius, and @stereopticons.

I've actually never done one of these for any fandom before. But I am so grateful for each and every one of you that has read, commented, left kudos, tagged me in tag games, and reblogged/lost your minds over snippets. 💙

My details:

My ao3: blueeyedgrlwrites

My fandom: Red, White & Royal Blue

Total no. of fics in 2024: 5

Total word count: 47,796

Oneshots (4):

🖋️ love is all around, look and see: (8,915 words, E)

A 5 + 1 full of birthday fluff (and smut, of course) that @violetbaudelaire-quagmire and I co-wrote last year for @getmehighonmagic's birthday, because Angel goes feral for loves reading about Henry getting all the love he deserves.

🖋️ just the way you are: (2,061 words, E)

My one and only foray into TayNick RPF, which I know is not for everyone, and that's fine. Curate your fandom experience and all that.

HOWEVER, as all the BTS for Mary & George was coming out and that bit of Nick saying he couldn't eat pizza because he had to spend all his time naked came around and .... well this is what my brain did after that. 😅

🖋️ summer sun, something's begun: (5,966 words, E)

I'm trying to remember how this one even came around. Probably a convo in the discord or something, but this might have been the most fun I've ever had writing a fic. And honestly, that feels about right for hot dad Henry and his new neighbor Alex.

🖋️ A New Memory: (1,304 words, T)

I was so ambitious for that week's ficlet Friday. I got a few prompts that week, and this was, sadly, the only one my brain was actually able to crank out.

Multi-Chapters (1):

🖋️ (the only truth) everything comes back to you: (29,550 posted words, WIP, E)

Yeah, so I totally failed the whole finishing the fic for the big bang thing, but it is 70% posted and 95% written (I think), but there will be an update soon-ish. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, this has owned me since I first heard "You're Losing Me" and that song became my hyper fixation for an entire month, because my mind was like, "huh? what would it look like if Henry and Alex had started to grow apart? would they be able to grow back together again?" and well, you should probably read to find out.

Upcoming fics:

🖋️ Love on the Fly: my hockey fic (i can't believe it's been almost a year since i posted a snippet from it. damn).

🖋️ lay me down, give me something to feel: or, the Pretty Woman AU that no one asked for

🖋️ when you didn't have to: my single dad Alex fic that wants to take over my entire existence and I won't let it until the RBB is finished.

Hopefully there will be more than just these three that are upcoming. My hope for 2025 is to be able to break away from my current, soul-sucking corporate job and give myself more freedom and time to take on things I actually enjoy. Who knows, maybe I'll finally write an original novel also.

[more-sonorous]

bluestars and crimson-- snippet from chapter 6 (javey)

just updated one of my works on the archive! here's the link, and here's my favorite section of text from the chapter :)

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“C’mon, Dave. It’s alright. You’re alright.” Jack muttered quietly, urging him to sit up with a gentle hand on his back. Soon Jack was taking hold of his chin and passing his own handkerchief over David’s face, and he’d never felt more like crying. But then he opened his eyes and let the vision of Jack’s unfair beauty steal his breath away, face transformed by careful concentration. His brows slightly furrowed, the right side of his mouth downturned in a half-frown, so loving and soft and perfect in David’s eyes. 

He stared unabashedly as Jack cleaned him up, desperately wishing that all of these little touches meant as much to Jack as they did to him. They didn’t, of course. If this was more than friendliness to Jack, David wouldn’t be sick.

“All better, yeah?” His voice was a soft caress of a murmur as his hand slipped down to reassuringly squeeze David’s shoulder, touchy as ever. David’s skin was awash with heat, mind filled with visions of loveliness. 

“All better.”

A feminine voice cleared its throat. “David.”

His mother was offering a glass of water and wearing a positively unreadable expression. Her lips were pursed together and analytical green eyes slipped between David and Jack. He felt a deep sense of discomfort as he accepted the water with a soft thanks. She nodded and returned to her post at the dinner table, where she picked up her sewing once more.

David took a sip or two of his water before glancing at Jack again. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jack adamantly shook his head, only affirming his endlessly caring nature in David’s mind. He’d seen Jack take care of the littlest newsies at their worst, playing the affectionate older brother figure. He’d seen him handle Les on that one sweltering August day when the youngest Jacobs had consumed far too much candy at the fair and ended up sick. He’d never been on the receiving end of the gentle affections, though, and it was a feeling unlike any other to have Jack Kelly aiding you on your sickbed. David felt like he and Jack were the only people in the world. “You… you’re sure there’s nothin’ we can do?”

“I’m sure. My Aba’s meeting with one of his doctor friends today, anyway, so I’ll let you know if there's any good news.” 

Jack nodded, eyes slipping over David’s face. “I’m gonna be walking Les home now, so I’ll visit tomorrow.”

“Don’t you have work at The World?” He asked, simply out of curiosity. He had Jack’s schedule memorized and at this point, he wasn’t beyond blaming that fact on his infatuation.

“Yeah. I’m headin’ straight to the distribution yard to get ‘im. Your family’s been nothin’ but kind to me and I figured I’d repay the favor.” He admitted, almost bashfully, and glanced at David’s mother. She was still engrossed in her work. They sat together for a few fleeting moments, in which David memorized every point of contact between their brushing thighs. Then Jack stood, and the shimmering moment faded like a snowflake on warm skin. “I’d stay for dinner if I could, but I gotta finish some drafts for Pulitzer.”

David offered him a smile. “Good luck with that.”

“Hey, I’ll show ‘em to you tomorrow. You always have good ideas, Davey.” Jack affectionately cuffed the back of David’s head, an act that earned a groan for the taller boy. “Tell the kid I said bye, huh?”

“I will.”

With that, Jack smiled a dazzling smile and exited the apartment, shrugging his coat and shoes on and leaving his forgotten scarf on the peg before he disappeared entirely. The conversation hadn’t gone entirely terribly. David was proud of himself for holding it together as he picked his book up again, with the intent of resuming his reading.

He couldn’t focus as the feeling of being watched crept uncomfortably through him. Unease urged him to glance up, and he found his mother staring at him. She sat entirely still, no needle or fabric in her hands. She was frowning.

“Ima?” David asked, hearing his own anxiety in his trembling voice.

Her upper lip curled and her nose wrinkled as she stared, giving the most subtle shake of her head. He’d never seen his mother wear such a disdainful look before, and it was cutting him to his core. Something was incredibly wrong.

“You’re in love with that boy.” 

He inhaled, but the breath had been stolen from his chest. He could only whisper. “No.”

“No? No, David? I see the way you look at him.” Ima hissed a whisper, rooted to her seat, eyes wide. 

David’s world was crashing down around him. He felt his eyes burning already as a thick sort of panic clouded his mind. Somehow he was frozen in place as well, worried that any movement would shatter his mother and send her into a rage. He didn’t think it was so obvious. He figured he was safe. His worst fears had been actualized and he could do nothing but sit and shake and pray that somehow she’d convince herself that his lovestruck eyes and infatuated smile were visions of a frantic mother and not the reality they were.

“Ima, please.” Like a child, David’s voice warbled with each word. “I didn’t– I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want it.”

“Now there’s no chance we’ll cure you. None at all.” She lamented, rigid posture collapsing into one of certain defeat. Her shoulders arched and slumped and her elbows met the wood of the table, pale hands shielding her expression from her son. David had never seen her so rife with disappointment. “How could you go and fall in love with a boy, David?”

He had no fair response to that question, but hot tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched Ima sit in her misery. 

Rage was surely next. She’d send him packing. But nothing came. The silence lasted for an eternity before she stood and calmly made her way to the kitchen, looking every inch like she normally did, save for the slight tremor in her long, pale fingers. Not a word was uttered in edgewise. She didn’t even acknowledge her presence as she resumed her cooking, leaving David stranded on the couch to deal with his spiraling emotions in confused quiet. 

He couldn’t stop crying. The knowledge that his own mother was so deeply disappointed in him hurt his perfectionist core more than any stupid lovesick flower disease ever could. This was a pain he’d been desperately trying to avoid since childhood.

As the rest of the family returned, filling the apartment with forced cheer, David and his mother remained silent. The object of David’s affections hung heavy in the air between them. 

[blacksapphhicmaddonna]

CHAPTER ONE - WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

a/n: hey y'all! so, I tried to post this in response to the anon who asked for a snippet but I saved it as a draft and Tumblr ate it😭 SO THIS IS DEDICATED TO YOU, ANON, WHOEVER YOU ARE!! sorry babes!💔💖💖💖💖

its been a minute since I've written anything fully, this was fun!!! as always, please ignore any grammar/syntax/spelling. I proof read it but you feel me. I'm super excited to be writing something so long and multi chaptered and definitely out of my comfort zone! am I an action girly now? LMFAO but anyway, I'm super open to any feedback and 👀 as always, if you wanna see sum, say sum.

anyway, I love my science gays and I will stan shuriri forever. this is pretty much all angst at this point❤️‍🩹, but I truly hope you enjoy LMFAOOO. lmk how you feel.💗 (and yes, I love a good flashback real bad and ima do it every time if I can. not too much on me LMFAO)

✮ taglist: @mybonafidefeelings@zeezeecave@gr00vyminibus@lppriceisright@darkangelchronicles@princessmel-1995@xenaizogie@nanii2x, and tagging a few folks that enjoyed the sneak peak and a few shuriri/shuri/riri folks who might! @karimwillia @inmyheadimobsessed@mal-urameshi@somethingcleaverandwhitty@imjusthere2readbruv@imagineandwrite there's more but my computer glitching so we gonna get this show on the road! lmk if you'd like to join the taglist or check the link in my tagged post! love y'all, muah

✮ word count: 11,193

✮ panther divider: @firefly-graphics

✮ some of the xhosa translations are from @iinkonde! here's where you can find some of their amazing resources: 1 2 3

Shuri paced the room that seemed to be growing smaller by the millisecond around her, searching for something - anything - inside of the brain most people considered the smartest in the universe to offer the scientist in front of her. She found nothing but the desperation she had been pushing down since the moment they met.

A desperation that mirrored the effects of the herb she had reproduced, also made from the desperation to save something that she felt was slipping through her fingers at the time. Just like the herb had found its way through her body when she first took it, this feeling spread from her throat as she choked when their eyes met as she pushed herself into the dorm room she was once again standing in. Down to her chest, pulling heart strings she didn’t know she had. Plucking them in a rhythm that felt intrinsic, ancestral, almost painful in the way that they made everything feel superimposed. She resisted, but she felt her toes and she felt her finger tips and she felt the curls framing her face dance above her eyes ever so gently. It spread through every atom that comprised the panther and she could barely breathe. She felt everything and she felt nothing, like she was sinking in an ocean of clouds. She could barely look at the woman who was staring back at her with a look of confusion, and an equal desperation that she couldn't explain.

Shuri still had nothing to offer in terms of speech. She paced at a speed that had only just registered as super fucking fast, clearly adding to the concern building in Riri's eyes.

"Shuri-" Riri started, but couldn't even try to finish as her voice had triggered the awaiting and building eruption in Shuri that it always did. Riri, if she did anything to Shuri, she made her feel things she wasn't used to feeling.

"Anything you want, just name it. It's yours. I'll make it happen. I'll build it myself. Just please don't do this. Please." Shuri froze in her place, finding herself begging for something she couldn't explain. She knew she was almost yelling at the other woman, which she would never do but she couldn't find the part of her that could compose herself. She was thankful for the kimoyo beads she had scattered in the room when she entered, enabling a silencing mode and cutting through anything that the government had tapped in Riri's room.

Riri froze too, only moving to fumble with her fingers nervously. She didn't have anything to offer the panther, the queen standing in front of her. She didn't have anything to comfort her friend. The woman she loved more than she could explain. More than almost anything. 

"I don't... I don't want anything from you, Shuri... We both knew this day was coming. You had to have thought about it. I thought you were.. I don’t know... It almost felt like-"

"Please, Ri. Please. Just find something and I'll do it. I'll make it myself if I have to. Please just find something else."

"I don't want... I don't understand, Shuri. We only talked about this like twice, I didn't even think you cared that much or even had time to care about it... or me, really. Just... lets just sit down for a second." Riri tried to redirect, trying to give herself time to figure out what was going on. She felt her mind trying to run back through memories and conversations the two had shared in the past year and some change, but it was few and far between that they ever really had time to talk about their lives in depth lately. At first, they talked a lot after they had finally reconnected. They had even spent a few nights together. But lately, Shuri had been working a lot and it seemed like their connection was running dry. Riri had shared her plans a few months ago and hadn't really heard much back from the woman standing in front of her looking like she was fighting a battle she wasn't sure she'd win. Riri had committed herself to this, to showing up and doing what she felt she needed to do to make up for all the ruin she had caused - or at least what she thinks she caused. And now Shuri was trying to offer her a chance out of it. She didn't know what to do or what to think. That's something she felt often with the panther, she figured out. She had zoned out for only a split second before Shuri was grabbing her wrists and looking in her eyes.

"Riri, I'm begging you." Shuri stared into the Iron Heart's eyes, searching for something she knew she was missing. Something she needed the way she needed air, she felt. Riri searched back, trying to decipher something Shuri wasn't ready to let her see.

"Shuri, you know I feel responsible... But, I just.. I don't understand what's going on. What's wrong? Please just talk to me. It's okay." Riri tried to pull them closer, tried to grab the Panther's hand but her grip was too tight around her wrists. Shuri relaxed it, she hadn't intentionally been holding on so tight but she wasn't ready to let go. She's never been ready to let go of who she loves. She saw that same resolute look in Riri's eyes that was always there when she was sure about something. It broke something in Shuri that she knew she couldn't mend on her own. One final try, she told herself.

"I will give you anything under the sun. Please just don't go to them. Don’t go to him. I- I know you're trying to help and change things for the better, and you will. But not like this. Not until it's safe. He will find you, Riri. He will do anything to get to you and to get back at me. You know this and you still choose to go? You don’t have to make this easy for him. We can figure this out a different way. Please. I will give you access to all the technology Wakanda has to offer, just please find something else to focus on, to take place of this. Please."

Riri tried to pull her closer again but the panther moved back, sending a shiver of rejection up Riri's spine.

"I don't want anything from you, Shuri... I just want you. I- I mean I just want you to-"

Shuri felt her body getting hot and somehow freezing at the same time. Riri just wanted her? But she also wanted to go on this suicide mission, which is what it was regardless of what Riri thought of it. She fought back the defensiveness she felt crawling up her throat like it always did when she was hurt. She didn't want to lash out on Riri, she only wanted to protect her. She only wanted her to be safe, alive. She only wanted her. But it was to no avail. She felt the ferocious beast pull itself through her. She scorned herself as her words burned their way through her skin, landing on Riri's.

"You just want whatever you want. You just want to fight whatever moral war you have going on because you're the one who survived! You would give up your life for what? For who? Not for my mother! Not for me!"

Riri hadn't noticed the tears stinging down her cheeks until she saw the ones pouring out of Shuri's. It was something she had never seen before. She had seen Shuri lash out, though. She knew this was just the first wall of defense the panther had when she felt hurt, afraid, abandoned. She couldn't take this personally, though she had to fight back the sting of the words as they came at her. She reached out to try and touch the woman in front of her.

"Shuri, please. Let's just ta-"

"What?! Sit and talk? For what? For you to tell me again why you have to do this, why you have to go and die? Do you care so little for me? For yourself?"

"You know that's not true!"

"Why wouldn't it be true?! Ungayenza njani le nto kum!?"

"Please just listen to me! I don't know what's going on but we can talk about it! I'm right here, I'm right here!"

"But you won't be after this! You don't have to do this! Just let me try, let me show you that there's other things to give you purpose, there’s other ways we can handle this! PLEASE!" Shuri felt herself starting to cave in, her chest becoming a cavern filled with the screams of the orphaned girl inside of her. The girl who needed her family. The girl who couldn't save her brother. The girl who was held back from her mother as she drowned. The woman who loves women, specifically the woman in front of her who was planning to give herself up. She couldn't keep it together. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"That's not for you to decide, Shuri!" Riri shot back, starting to feel the same layer of armor pull itself over her. She didn't like being yelled at. It triggered something in her that she herself had pushed back as far as it would go. She just needed to get Shuri to listen to her.

"I don't care! You can't do this Riri!"

"Please stop yelling at me!" Riri gave in, covering her ears and turning her back to the panther, who felt herself go still. She hadn't meant to unleash this part of herself. She felt embarrassment mixing with her desperation, afraid she had only made things worse. Who was she to be trying to control the actions of a woman she only met a little over a year ago? Who she was just friends with, and barely that if you based it off what normal friendships looked like. They rarely even spoke for longer than a few minutes every couple days and that wasn’t even true anymore. Shuri scorned herself for the time she hadn’t spent with her, for the time she had been forced to spend trying to fix, defend or save her country. She resented her royal blood now more than ever, wishing she could be nothing more than a girl again. Maybe a student. Maybe just different. Shuri felt herself starting to crack, she felt like she would disintegrate if she stood there any longer. She had done enough damage. She and Wakanda and the Talokan had put Riri through enough and she knew that. She could see why Riri would think this guilt was hers to bare but Shuri knew better, knew more secrets. She knew that her father and his father and so on hadn’t handled things right, and no matter the good T’Challa had tried to do - maybe he didn’t do it right either. So now it laid in her hands, forced once again to stand in the way of something she wasn’t ready for. She felt bad for herself, but she felt worse for Riri. She wishes she had never sent her home with the beads, that they had never touched hands, that they had never even met. Maybe if no one ever knew about Vibranium, no one would be trying to take it. Or maybe if the world had always known, if her ancestors had done things differently, this wouldn’t be Riri’s life. She was part of the lost tribe, as N’Jadaka would call it. Maybe he was right. She didn’t know what to think, but she also knew who she was, herself. She was the most powerful person on the surface world and she was the Queen of the most powerful nation in the world. And she was in love, helplessly, with Riri Williams. She would not let her go again.

"I am sorry for coming here and making you upset." Shuri said blankly, masking any emotions she had just shattered into the room as best as she could to regain any self control she had left.

Riri turned around, tears still swelling in her eyes. She hiccuped and it made Shuri's heart pound.

"I-it's okay. I just don't like b-being yelled at. Can we just sit and talk?"

Shuri nodded, knowing Riri needed a minute. Riri turned to grab a blanket off her bed to wrap herself in as she took a seat on the floor in front of her bed. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before motioning to Shuri to sit next to her. Shuri stared at her for a moment too long, before kneeling down next to her. They sat in silence that wasn't comfortable for the first time in a long time. Neither missed this feeling, the feeling of such uncertainty between them. Sure, it was always there, biting at the backs of their minds and hearts. But they had both worked hard to be comfortable with just having what they had. But now more than ever, neither was sure what was really going on. Shuri mirrored Riri, taking a few deep breaths. Riri felt herself relax, misreading the quiet sigh Shuri let out.

"Are we okay? I don't want us to fight. I just... need you to help me understand why you're so upset. It didn't seem like you even really cared about this. I know you've been busy with what you have going on so I just figured this... I.. wasn't really on your radar anymore."

Shuri stayed silent, fighting that feeling nudging her.

"Please say something." Riri pleaded quietly after a few too many more moments of silence. She couldn't stand it. Neither could Shuri. She needed to escape. Get out of the room, out of America. She needed to run and scream and break something. She needed to kill Namor. That was her only option, once again. She knew it would come. She knew the fate of her country would be in the air again, and part of her knew she shouldn’t do it. Equal parts yes and no. Blood on either hand, regardless of what choice she made. But she also knew that Riri's life was once again in question and there was only one answer Shuri would accept. She would deal with the aftermath the same way she had been. She would accept whatever came. She knew she wasn't thinking clearly, that maybe she would be exiled or worse, but she also knew she couldn't live with herself if Riri wasn't alive tomorrow, and that was enough for her right now. If Riri wouldn't listen, then there was only one choice.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Riri. It won't ever happen again."

Riri was startled at the sincerity in the Panther's voice. She was confused why that was what Shuri felt she had to focus on in the midst of whatever the hell was going on.

"It's okay, I promise. I'm not mad at you for yelling at me. I'm just confused..."

"It's not okay. This, whatever you're planning, whatever he's planning... None of this is okay." Shuri said, pinching between her eyes as she tried to swallow the same beast from just a few minutes ago.

"Shuri... it's not like before. It's not about him. It's not even just about what happened in Wakanda. You know I'm Iron Heart. You knew I was going to start doing these things at some point. Missions that weren’t just flying around Chicago and Boston stopping robberies. And you know that something has to be done. And I can’t let this go on again when we all know it’s my fault.” Riri sighed. “We all know it is. So, please just try to hear me..."

"I have always heard you, Riri."

Riri digested that sentence with a gulp. She replied after a moment.

"Then let me hear you, for once. Tell me why you're here. Tell me why you're reacting like this. Tell me who you are and what you're feeling. Let me in, Shuri." She said, reaching out to grab Shuri's hand again. The Panther's hand was hot, almost burning. She didn't pull away this time.

"I'm here because I lo-.. Because I won't let this happen." Shuri caught herself before she said something she couldn't explain. Riri looked into Shuri's eyes with a pleading, less sure look. Shuri couldn't hold it this time. She couldn't freeze. She couldn't tell Riri. She reminded herself what happens every time she loves someone. She reminded herself of what she was capable of and what needed to be done. Regardless if Riri ever shared her feelings or not, she would swear her life to protecting the woman until the day she met the ancestors and maybe after if she could. She would do whatever it took, every time, no matter what, she resigned to herself. She squeezed Riri's hand.

"What're you gonna do? Lock me in my room, Shuri? I don't get what's going on!" Riri pleaded.

"I would never. You are not a prisoner or someone I want to control. You are free to do as you please, just as I am. Please understand that much."

"What does that mean... Wait, please don't go!" Riri tugged back at Shuri's hand again as the Panther got up to leave. Shuri looked down at their hands touching, taking in every second that their skin touched. She remembered what it felt like to reconnect after a long time apart. She wishes she could live in it like she had before. She brought their foreheads together and closed her eyes.

"I will protect you with every part of me. The cost will never be too much."

"Shuri, please don't do what I think you're about to do..." Riri pulled Shuri's hands into hers and brought them to the sides of their faces. They were so close they could feel each other's breath on their lips. Riri prayed in her head that Shuri would listen to her, knowing the strength and power the woman in front of her wielded. Shuri choked out a pained laugh before kissing Riri's forehead and pulling away, taking in the scent of Ghanian Shea Butter and the sweet scent Riri always had.

"Andizukuphulukana nawe. Impilo yami ngeke ibe lutho ngaphandle kwakho, Riri Williams."

Before Riri could open her eyes, the Black Panther was gone, the sound of a closing door shaking Riri to her core. She felt like she was in shock, having nothing to do but curl into a ball and pull the blanket around her body, covering her face as she let the rest of the tears fall silently. She laid there for what felt like an eternity until she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"Miss Williams?" Riri jumped up, running around her room tracking down the voice. She picked up a purple and black kimoyo bead and held it up, suddenly seeing several others connect like magnets from across the other corners of the room.

"Griot?!" Riri both yelled and whispered.

"Hello, Miss Williams. Are you feeling alright?" Griot asked as the AI began taking a scan of her body to check her vitals.

"I've been better... what's going on? Why are you here? Not that it's not nice to... well you get what I mean!"

"It seems you have suffered a panic attack of sorts. Please get some water and take a seat before I proceed."

Riri rolled her eyes with a tired huff, giving in because she knew Griot wouldn't budge until she obliged. She grabbed a half empty bottle of water from her desk and sat back down near her bed, pulling the blanket up around her. She suddenly felt the absence of Shuri in her space and fought back the tears threatening to make way through her as she pulled the bracelet on, watching it activate. She had felt this way before, but it was different now.

"Feeling better, Miss Williams?"

"Just Riri is fine, and I guess. Can you explain what's going on now, please Griot?"

"Yes, Miss Riri." Griot replied as a hologram of Stark Tech floated in front of the scientist. She felt even more confused.

"Why are you showing me Stark Tech?"

"The panther has created and assigned your own AI for you, it's name is VIV. It is nearly identical to the JARVIS, or Vision, that Tony Stark had. It has been being developed for over a year, and seems to have just finished."

"What the fu-"

"The Panther also has an updated version of your vibranium Iron Heart suit on it's way to your lab location, or garage currently. She has given you access to me as well, with some restrictions. She has instructed me to inform you of this when the AI download is complete."

Riri sat in even more shock than she was in before. She was even more confused about Shuri's intentions now. More confused about her feelings, than anything. She replayed the words the panther had said to her before she left, she knew some Xhosa but it wasn’t great. 

"Can you translate what Shuri said to me in Xhosa before she left, Griot?" Riri asked, hoping for some clarity. Griot calculated for a moment, before answering.

"It would seem I am not permitted to complete that task at this time, Miss Riri."

Riri felt a pang of frustration rise in her, as she let out a laugh.

"Of course not... Can you tell me where the panther is right now?"

Griot took a moment again before answering.

"The Queen was on her way back towards Wakanda as of her last status, but it would seem she has powered off her location devices. Would you like me to contact her for you?"

Riri sat for a moment, considering her options and her own feelings.

"No, that's alright Griot. We're going to my lab. Can you help me boot up VIV when we get there? We're going on a trip."

"As you wish, Miss Riri."

Riri stood up, grabbing a hoodie and sliding on some J's. Before she walked out the door, she slid on the kimoyo beads and asked a final question.

"Oh, one last thing Griot. Can you turn on privacy mode? I would like my location hidden from everyone, including the Panther. Can you do that?"

"It seems I can, but I would not advise that action Miss Riri. There are safety protocols in place that the Panther can activate for you remotely."

"That's fine, just turn it on. I have my own safety protocols."

"As you wish, Miss Riri."

"Thank you, Griot."

Riri made her way to her garage in no time, paying no mind to the world around her or the messages on her phone from MJ about their project. When she got there, she did decide to shoot her a quick text explaining that she was heading home to Chicago for a family emergency, that MJ could find her portion already done on a small drive in her room and that she had permission to break in, and that she would make it up to her later. MJ did reply, but Riri didn’t have time for that. She got to work, with the help of Griot, or the portion of him that she was allowed to operate, and booted up her own AI and implemented it into her nano suit. The one from wakanda was on its way but wouldn’t be there in time. Thankfully, she didn’t have to meet with Namor for another day and a half. She needed to think quickly but after working everything out with her suit, she was unsure where to go from there. 

“Griot, can I use both you and VIV?” 

“Yes, but you likely will not need me once the AI is turned on. I will be there when you need me, though Miss Riri.”

“Thank you Griot.” Riri smiled to herself, always fond of Griot and their robot voice. It made her think about the time she spent in the lab with Shuri, where they would borderline argue and Riri would laugh at them. This brought back that pang in her stomach and chest. She got to work on turning on and engaging with the AI so that it could mold to her needs, voice and patterns. After about an hour, she felt ready to head off. Except she had no idea how to get to Wakanda, let alone how to get in. She ruffled through her bookbag to find the information Namor had sent for her. A small teal envelope with her name on it, looking like it was written with a quill and ink. She shuddered at the thought of how old this man was and how intentional he had been to get this note to her. She opened it and read over it again, hoping to find more information than last time. Then, an idea came to mind.

“Hey VIV, and Griot, not that I don’t think you can handle it by yourself VIV. But uh, can you both scan this for me? I don’t have my Black light. Look for anything and everything. Cross reference what you find, if anything. Please.” 

“Yes IronHeart.” “Yes, Miss Riri.” They both answered in tandem. While they got to work, Riri sat down finally to think about what she could do. She couldn’t exactly call up the avengers to help her figure this out. She had to be lowkey, she had to be smart, and she needed it to work. She had only been to Wakanda once, and wasn’t really in the know about how to travel there let alone get through the border forcefield. As she went over all she did know, trying to remember any details that would help, the AI duo alerted her. 

Griot speaking first, since VIV seemed to sense a deeper trust from the IronHeart’s patterns. 

“There are markings on the back that would indicate a geolocation where Namor would like you to meet.”

“So, coordinates? I can work with that.” Riri said out loud, still trying to figure out exactly how she could work with that. Until she looked over at her father’s red car, in pristine condition thanks to Shuri. And it dawned on her. 

“Griot, do you have contact information for anybody besides Shuri?”

“I have contact information for Queen Shuri, and Okoye, former general of the Dora Milage.”

“Perfect. Please contact her now.”

“Yes, Miss Riri.”

“Wait, before you do, please transfer this contact information over to VIV. I’m not sure if Shuri knows that I have VIV yet, but in case she does, I don’t doubt that she would shut you down.” Riri explains to her favorite robot as if they needed it. Griot complied and sent a call out to Okoye.

Riri waited, holding her breath. She wasn’t sure is Okoye would answer, or even be willing to help. But this is what she had to work with. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Okoye answered.

“Small girl. Is everything alright?” Okoye answered seeming cheerful enough to hear from the girl but not without worry for the cause. Riri took a deep breath and explained the situation, truthfully, to the best of her ability. Somehow, as a surprise to both of them, Okoye was on her way in a matter of minutes as a Midnight Angel, with a jet that Shuri had let her keep. They both knew Shuri would be upset, but somehow it didn’t matter enough to let her get to Namor. They both knew what could happen, and what Shuri would likely do. 

No time was wasted when Okoye arrived, Riri running in the open hatch as fast as she could. Okoye pulled off without a trace, both of them hoping they hadn’t alerted any American law enforcement this time.

Okoye charted course for Wakanda and they both sat in near silence for most of the ride, only sharing a few words when Riri boarded, Riri showing Okoye the letter before she began piloting. They would make it in time. Riri sat near the back, not feeling like she belonged at the mantle of the machine. She had always liked these, having begged Shuri to teach her how to fly one before they set off for war. Riri sunk into her feelings that she had been trying to keep at bay since finding out about the AI. Before Shuri came, she honestly really wasn’t sure what she was going to do or how she was going to do it. But it seemed like the timing would suggest that she was supposed to, whether she really wanted to believe that or not. She didn’t want to believe that she was this horrible monster who brought death and destruction with her everywhere she went, but sometimes she really did. She tried to fight those thoughts back and began to feel the weight of her body, sinking into the seat. Sinking was a familiar feeling to her. She tried to remember how to swim in her own thoughts. She remembered how Shuri would talk her through her episodes. How she would call right away when she sensed anything off, even if Riri wasn’t wearing her beads. She remembered how it felt to think everything would be okay, and how often that was proved to be untrue. 

It was too easy to remember. Too easy to feel like it was just yesterday. Riri couldn't keep her mind from wandering back in time while the Wakandan jet made its way through the air. Trying to focus on anything else, trying to pay attention to the Dora silently flying or guarding the exit, trying to watch the sky around her. Anything. She couldn't bite down hard enough on the inside of her cheek, leaving a sore mark wasn't enough to keep her mind from its current occupation. 

"What are you doing here?!" The shorter of the two screamed, almost screeched as she ran into the panther's arms. 

"I had some time to myself finally. Where else would I go?" Shuri chuckled as she picked the scientist up. 

"You could literally go anywhere in the world and probably... out of the world? At this point with Wakandan tech." Riri explained, seriously, as she hung onto the slim but toned body holding her off the ground with ease, not realizing she was holding on as tight as she was. Not realizing there was nowhere else Shuri would have gone. Nowhere. 

"You're so... anyway, what should we do?"

"How long do we have?" Riri asked as she pulled back, not even trying to contain her wide grin that was plastered across her face. Shuri recorded it to memory, as she always did with the smaller woman's features. 

"96 hours. Well, 96-ish, less now that we've been standing here debating where I could've gone." Shuri jokes as she lets go, making sure Riri found her footing. 

"Shut up! Four days?! We have so much to do!" Riri definitely screeched this time, pretending to slap Shuri's arm. Fighting the urge to grab it and pull her in, Shuri picks up Riri's book bag from where she dropped it and places it in her desk chair as she walks to the bed and pulls her own bag out from under the bed.

"Exactly how long have you been here? You seem comfortable." Riri jokes as she grabs two waters from her mini fridge and hops up on her bed. 

"I am." Shuri chuckles at the sight of the shorter woman having to jump to get on the bed. "And since your first class."

"Are you serious?! Why didn't you say anything dickhead?!" 

"Ouch!" Shuri feigns pain as she catches the pillow Riri throws at her head and plops on the bed next to her. "I had a few things to handle, and needed to secure the dorm building. I didn't want to disrupt your day, I know midterms are coming up no?"

"Yeah, they are but you could've let a bitch know! I would've cleaned!" Riri states, noticing that she sounds much like her mother. 

"I like your mess." Shuri smiles. 

"Shut up. How did you secure the whole dorm building?"

"Well, I hope you don't mind. I have beads in every corner of the building. And a few around campus as well. Including in here. Is that alright with you?"

"Sheesh. Do I have a choice?" Riri jokes, but Shuri nervously answers.

"Yes of course! If it's not comfortable for you, I can sleep at a hotel. I should've asked, I'm sorry about that. Next time I'll-"

"There's a next time too?"

"Well, if you'd li-"

"Are you crazy?! Of course! And yeah yeah, that's all fine with me. I get it. Don't start worrying about it or nun. I was just curious."

Shuri's smile returns and she relaxes back into the bed. It was oddly comfortable, being that the last time she was here was before the war. Sure, they'd been talking for months over facetimes and calls. And texts. And letters.. oddly, but not to them. They were both truly as desperate as they felt, but excused it since it seemed mutual - opting to call it a mutual interest in friendship, as opposed to what it really was in the bigger picture. And sure, they had seen each other one other time, but it was so brief that it shouldn't really count - although it did, to both of them. 

Shuri had arrived at an American event in Boston, forced to show face by the elders after the uproar surrounding her mother and everything. She felt it was too soon and didn't make sense to attend a tech gala when none of it was even touching Wakandan tech. But regardless, she put on her best suit and went, disregarding the elder's request for her to wear traditional royal attire. She sat there, wishing she hadn't come, while big investors droned on. The only part that peaked her interest was listening to the stories of young inventors. They reminded her of herself, so excited and in a hurry. They reminded her of someone else too. Someone she had been longing to see since she left Wakanda only a few months ago at the time. 

Shuri muddled around the thought of calling Riri, or just showing up at her dorm. She knew she had responsibilities to attend to the next afternoon after she returned home, and it really hadn't been that long. Maybe Riri wasn't ready to see her yet? Or maybe she never would be. Or maybe Shuri had really made their connection up in her own mind. Or maybe she didn't? And maybe she should just call her, or maybe send her a quick text to keep it more casual? Keep what, casual exactly? She wasn't sure. She paced around her own mind anxiously the entire night, not realizing it was her turn to speak until the Doras were next to her asking if she was alright. She collected herself and headed to the stage, performing a speech much like her brother had about the importance of innovation, supporting the youth - especially the Black and Brown youth, etc. She meant what she said but she hardly felt as connected or present with it as she was when she wrote it. Still circling her mind was her favorite innovator, the scientist who made everything make sense to her. Pining so badly, by the end of her speech she had resolved to call Riri. Faking her smiles through the eruption of clapping and handshakes as she left the stage, she made her way back to her seat while the closing speech began - only to lose her resolve when Ayo bent down to whisper a reminder of their exit plan and their intended arrival time back in Wakanda. 

She had known it was a foolish thought. Who even knew what the small scientist would be doing at this time? She could be working, studying, partying. God, Shuri hoped not but recoiled at her own thoughts. She wasn't heteronormative and she wasn't the toxic type. She just also felt jealous of anybody and anything that got to be around Riri when she wasn't. Which was most times. Essentially all the time. Really, she reasoned with herself, she had only been around Riri for a few days and it had been against her will anyway. Maybe she really was making all of this up in her head. 

The Queen of Wakanda continued her mental pace as she made her exit, later than most guests and certainly not from the front entrance. She walked through the beautiful building with the Doras who were talking amongst themselves about logistics, seemingly all having caught onto another one of Shuri's "moods". Shuri paid them no mind, as they expected, while she began brooding. What was the point of coming to America, aside from like... the actual point, politically - if not to see her scientist? She caught herself scoffing at "her scientist", making fun of herself in her head as they headed outside and around the back when the Doras suddenly stood alert around her. Shuri looked around her and back at her beads quickly, doing a quick scan of their surroundings, only to hear a small, out of breath "Hey" from her left.

"Williams?"

"Yeah, yeah.. haha. Hoo. Crazy catching you here." Riri joked awkwardly as she tried to catch her breath from clearing having run.

"Yes, well I was-"

"Giving a speech. I saw on tv. Just happened to be in the neighborhood myself so I figured I'd uh, say hi." Riri cut the Panther off as she caught her bearings and finally made eye contact. Shuri made contact back, silently signaling for the Dora to drop their guard. Ayo looked between them but of course followed command. Shuri stepped between them and closer to the scientist, who was now twiddling her fingers and looking anywhere but at Shuri. Just like she did in Wakanda. Just like Shuri had replayed in her head a billion times over. While Shuri took the absence of eye contact as a chance to damn near gawk at the smaller woman, Riri was doing her own mental laps. 

She also questioned her intentions and if she had been making this all up. She also questioned how crazy she must look, showing up here like this. She couldn't stop herself, leaving MJ, Peter and Ned in her OWN room after they had been flipping through channels and Riri caught a glimpse. That was all it took, one, maybe two seconds and she was out the door. And granted, she kind of was in the neighborhood. If you consider being four miles away in the neighborhood. She had considered grabbing her car from the garage but figured it would take too long, so she jumped in her nano suit her and Peter had been working on (that definitely still needed some work), and flew over. Of course she couldn't land in front of everyone, so she landed in a park a few blocks away and took off on foot. None of which she will EVER tell anybody, although she could barely remember her excuse to the three friends she left in her dorm as she forced herself to look back up and meet Shuri's eyes. 

"In the neighborhood?"

"You could say that." Riri joked awkwardly again.

This made Shuri laugh. Riri had that effect on her, she had learned during their late night lab sessions. Even in the midst of the grimmest of days and a literal war, Riri had Shuri laughing so hard she cried a few times. They both seemed to be thinking back while they laughed together and smiled at each other shyly until Ayo cleared her throat. 

"We must get going, Kumkanikazi." Both women seemed to jump a bit, having been pulled out of their staring contest. Riri shuddered at hearing Shuri be called that, she recognized it from when Okoye would speak about Queen Ramonda. She had done her best to pick up on as much of the language as she could when she was there, for some reason unknown to her - she just figured it would come in handy. But now, hearing it and knowing it meant Queen, shook her to her core. She remembered why she hadn't reached out, the guilt that sat in her bones about it. She nearly turned on her heels until she heard Shuri speak. 

"One moment please."

"My Queen, we really must-" Ayo begun speaking in Xhosa but was cut off by the Panther Queen. 

"Please. One moment." Shuri said, a command but almost begging, not turning to face the general one step to the side of her. She pulled at the necklace around her neck and Ayo nodded silently. 

"I will ready the jet." Ayo answered and turned around, her and the two other Dora briskly walking to the jet that was just now coming into Riri's focus. She assumed it was using the new camouflage tech she had heard mentioned before she left Wakanda. 

"Those things get cooler every time."

"Yeah, I suppose they do." Shuri laughed half heartedly. They both tried to speak but cut each other off.

"So-"

"I do-"

"You first." They both sheepishly smiled as they spoke in unison. but Riri insisted. "Go ahead, please." 

Shuri would've resisted if she wasn't so desperate and struggling against showing it. 

"How have you been? I've mis- I've been wondering. We haven't spoken since you left." Shuri caught herself, suddenly feeling like twiddling her fingers and looking at her shoes too but she resisted that too. She was good at resisting. 

"Oh.. well yeah. I've been. You know, school, work. Just been trying to get through the semester. I wanted to re- well I wondered how you've been too."

"I've been, too." Shuri shrugged with a smile. She wanted to know more, everything. To devour the stories Riri could tell her, even the most mundane. She wanted to know what pencils she used to write equations and what she thought of the food in her cafeteria. Riri just smiled, feeling the weight again. She knew Shuri hadn't been good, and she knew she hadn't either. 

"Can I ask you-" They both spoke in unison again. 

"You first." Riri insisted again, before Shuri could. Shuri didn't like it but she also didn't have much time to waste. 

"Why didn't you reach out?" She asked, leaving Riri out of breath all over again. After a second that seemed like a million, Riri answered.

"I didn't know how." She said truthfully. 

"I left you beads. Maybe I should've left a note too. I'm sorry, I figured you'd-"

"No, no. Not like that. I figured that out, it was actually pretty easy." Riri smiled, thinking about how much fun it was to try to get the beads to work. Fun until it wasn't. Fun until she heard Shuri's voice message and left it for months.

"Then you didn't want to?"

"No, I did. I just didn't know... how. I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. But trust me, I wanted to. I really wanted to." Riri said earnestly and more quiet than she intended. Shuri believed her and took her answer, even if she didn't like it. Again resisting herself. Resisting Riri. 

"I understand. Thank you for letting me know. Well..." She looked back at the Jet and sighed. They made eye contact before Shuri decided it would be best to count her losses in her own country, turning to leave. 

"Wait, I still have a question!" Riri almost shouted. "If that's okay... of course." She said more quiet. Shuri turned around eager to hear. Hoping. Resisting. But hoping. She nodded her head.

"Well..." Riri twisted her fingers around in her hands. She still didn't know what to say or how to say it. But she didn't have much time to waste. 

"Well?" Shuri asked, trying not to sound pushy but anxious to know. 

"Is it too late?" Riri asked, looking back up at the woman in front of her. The face she had committed to memory, but a bit different. More mature. Somehow even more beautiful. Shuri said nothing.

"...To reach out... To talk?" Riri finally drove it home, sending a silent prayer to whoever would answer that she wouldn't further embarrass herself. 

Startling the both of them, Shuri's beads lit up and Ayo's face appeared. 

"My apologies my Queen, but if we do not leave in the next three minutes, you may be late to your engagements tomorrow."

"Yes, thank you. I'm coming." Shuri said back, eyes still on Riri. 

Riri felt defeated as she watched the panther tuck her beads back up her sleeve. It probably was too late. And who knows. Maybe it was the right thing to do to not stay in contact. Maybe that's what was best for Wakanda or Shuri. She remembered her mother always telling her that sometimes "doing the right thing feels like shit". In this case, she thought, it felt worse than shitty.

That was until Shuri grabbed her hand. Softly, almost too soft in comparison to what you'd expect from a super powered panther. It was so soft yet sent a shiver through Riri, like electricity was coursing through her. Like her heart was beating for the first time. The eye contact was somehow not as awkward as it was a second ago when they were standing a few feet apart. It was like they were all alone.

"Use the beads. If they need to charge, just set them in the sun but they shouldn't."

"Oh- Okay. I will. I will." Riri said twice, almost like she was confirming with herself first and the Shuri.

"Good." Shuri smiled. She took a step closer before she heard another beep on her own beads. Before the General could speak, Shuri was already responding. 

"I heard you. I'm coming."

She looked at Riri again and sighed, and suddenly Riri saw just how exhausted the Panther really was. And maybe something else too. Shuri stepped back again, not wanting to let go of Riri's hand. 

"It'll never be too late. I'll see you soon?" Shuri said, finally letting go and letting the physical distance regrow between them, hoping that the emotional distance wouldn't grow again too. 

Riri watched as the panther walked back to the jet and boarded, looking back only once, only long enough to catch Riri's small wave but not return it. The younger scientist stood there feeling disassociated, unsure of what to do next. Really, she knew she had to go back to her dorm and go back to living her real life just like she had after she left Wakanda. Although, as dreary as that still seemed to her, this time felt different. Like there was something to look forward to, if she had the balls to actually use the beads like Shuri had said. She mulled over whether or not it was an instruction or a question from the Panther as she chose not to watch the jet fly off behind her. She heard the media start to buzz again when they heard the jet, upset that they had missed the person they were waiting for. Yet, Riri stood there and stared at the ground where Shuri was just standing. She still felt that pathetic feeling, and worried that she hadn't had a chance to explain how she found Shuri or even knew she would be there. She felt the weight of grief again, after seeing how tired Shuri looked when you really looked at her. And she felt guilty, for feeling excited. For feeling the butterflies she always pretended she didn't feel. She wondered, briefly, how Shuri was feeling right now but per usual, tried not to wonder too much as to not become delusional. She knew better than anybody that assuming to know how someone else thinks is the worst mistake you can make. 

Shuri, back in the jet that was flying faster than she would like, was afflicted by similar thoughts. She wondered how Riri had found her and wondered if she really was as lucky as that just felt. She wondered why the girl even came. She wondered if she thinks about her too. She wondered if Riri would use the beads. She sat awake, replaying every moment of their time together since their first encounter over and over until they arrived in Wakanda, despite the Doras concerns for her not getting rest. Shuri would rest when things were well enough for her to rest, she told herself, but even she was starting to notice the cracks. She knew she could only stay awake for so many days until her body would shut down. She had secretly tried some of the elixirs and teas that both Nakia and Aneka had sent her, and she had read what Okoye sent her after hearing everything. She had slept every now and then, but it was never restful. It was never without torment from some figment of her mind taking shape of someone she wasn't ready to face - whether that be Namor, N'jdaka, or her mother. She always prayed for T'Challa to appear, who she wasn't sure if she was ready to see but longed for the comfort of his voice or face, but each time her body fell asleep, her mind fell into a well pit of despair. 

That is, until later that night. Shuri had been through her daily responsibilities after making it back to Wakanda. Once her meetings were over, she made her way to the lab. She did her best to avoid checking the status of Riri's beads, trying to keep her mind busy as she usually did. It was harder this time, knowing that she'd actually spoken to the girl. After bopping around a bit, her body started to feel the weight of the past few days. She hadn't been physically training as much as she should've the past few weeks, because she knew it would knock her out but she was starting to feel stiff. She finally let up and sat down at one of her desks in a back room of the lab after Griot had let her know her vitals. She didn't usually sit in this room, so she hadn't been aware of what was placed in there. As she lazily sifted through the papers on the desk to try to keep her mind occupied, she saw blueprints for Riri's Iron Heart suit. The same feeling of nervousness and excitement rose in her as she more hurriedly looked over them. Despite all the work they did together, she never really got to see too much of Riri's initial process from scratch. She ran her slender fingers over Riri's pencil marks, reading over all her notes to herself. 

With a yawn, Shuri sat back and relished in the fact that Riri actually existed. Sometimes, when Shuri was really out of it, she couldn't believe that everything really happened. She was sometimes convinced she would wake up and her mother would still be here, or that Riri was just a figment of her desperate imagination. Sure, having her mother back would be... well, everything. But it scared Shuri to think Riri might not have been real, that she didn't really happen. She felt selfish for this, knowing that Riri's life would probably be better without the trauma she endured in Wakanda. But nevertheless, Shuri held on tight to the memories she had of the woman, hoping that they would be enough for her. 

She thought about how it felt to hold Riri's hand, to touch her skin again. It was just as soft and delicate as it had been when they parted ways a few months ago. Her face looked the same, maybe more mature in some ways. She looked tired too, underneath the face she put on for other people. They had gotten past that with each other during their long nights alone working together in the lab. 

She thought about what it would feel like to fall asleep in Riri's bed. The mattress probably wasn't super comfortable but she remembers all the colorful pillows she has, messily strewn across the surface. The different colored blankets would probably fit them both well, even with the little space a twin bed supplies. They would have to be close, touching. Shuri imagined breathing in sync, feeling Riri's ribcage rise and fall in her arms while they were pressed against each other. She thought about how Riri smells. She's been trying to replicate it for months. She thought about breathing her in, laying her face in the crook of her neck and sleeping. Not thinking. Sleeping. Not even having to dream. She thought about waking up next to her, seeing her sleeping still until Shuri shifted too much by accident. Riri waking up and no doubt saying something funny. Or soft. Or just saying hello. How her eyes would look. She thought about not being afraid to make it real, that in her thoughts she didn't have to pretend that these touches were by accident or out of necessity. That they could spend an eternity, wrapped in colorful blankets, sleeping and touching skin to skin. That maybe Riri would feel the same, and they would laugh about how long it took to figure it out. That they would laugh until they couldn't, and talk until they couldn't, and then they would kiss. And everything would melt away, and neither would know where their skin would begin or end. And they would kiss until they couldn't. And they'd sleep. 

She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep at the desk until she heard Griot's voice. 

"Sorry to startle you, Panther. But, Miss Williams is trying to contact you. How would you like me to proceed?"

Shuri was shook, unsure of what she looked like or even what time it was. She felt nervous. She felt groggy, not even sure if this was real either. Nevertheless, she answered. 

"Patch me through, please."

She waited a moment with bated breath, hoping this wasn't a dream or some fluke. Until she heard a familiar voice.

"Hello?" Riri asked, sounding nervous herself. Shuri wondered what time it was there, too. 

"Hey." She said, in a more relaxed tone. Even if this wasn't real, it was still the best dream she'd had in months. Maybe ever.

And they talked, for a long time. Eventually working through any awkwardness. Riri never explained how she made it to the Panther, and the Panther never asked. She did explain, however, why it took so long for her to call. Shuri just listened and let herself laugh, like she'd been dreaming about. Finally feeling free for a little bit, even if it was just for a little bit.

On the other side of things, once Riri had cleared everyone out of her room when she got back and promising to explain to MJ later, she had sat down and thought about what to do. That turned into pacing and talking outloud. She had been avoiding the beads like the plague for months, unsure of what to do. Unsure of what choice would cause the least harm, since she already felt guilty for what she had caused. She found herself awake all night feeling anxious. She left for class that morning, deciding that she would get through her day and take a nap. She would figure it out after that. What she didn't tell Shuri, is how hard its been to sleep since she left Wakanda, or really even how hard it was while she was there. But when she tried to take a nap, she realized that all she dreamed about this time was Shuri and how soft her hand was when they had touched and how peaceful it felt to talk to her, even if only for a few moments and only a few words. She decided when she woke up that even if they ended up never talking again, she would keep her promise and use the beads.

And that's what she did. And that's what they kept doing, for weeks and months. They talked, they listened, they laughed, and on rare occasion, fell asleep. Both free from nightmares, even if just for a little while. Until Shuri finally arrived.

And finally, they had some time to really figure things out. Shuri promised she wasn't missing anything important by being there, and that she had allotted enough time. Riri was still unsure about it but couldn't resist the opportunity to finally see the woman she had been pining over for months - as a friend, of course. 

As Riri remembered back fondly, she had forgotten what was ahead of her until she was jolted by turbulence that was usually well controlled by the Wakandan tech in the fighter jet. She couldn't process how she could possibly be on her way to confront the man that almost killed her and did actually kill the Queen of Wakanda. She couldn't fathom that she was racing there, against her love, her best friend, to make sure she didn't kill him first. Suddenly her clothes all felt too tight, and her suit felt heavy despite being nano. Suddenly the air felt hot and her lungs felt empty and she felt dizzy. She had felt all of this before, a panic attack. Riri Williams was no stranger to a panic attack. Not before Wakanda, and definitely not after. Though, for the past few months, she had always had Shuri to help ground her. Now, she was floating in the air, literally and figuratively. Everything was moving so fast. She felt herself spiraling and cursing herself in the process, unable to stop it but ashamed nonetheless. She had worked hard, since she was younger, to have a control over her emotions and thoughts. She needed to, especially if she was going to take this super hero shit serious. Especially if she was going to be there for her mom and sister after her dad passed. Especially if she was going to make it. But she felt that control slowly ripping itself to shreds, doing a number on all the mental blocks she had in place. She couldn't lose Shuri. She couldn't be the cause of another war in Wakanda. She couldn't live with the guilt. She couldn't let Shuri get hurt, or worse, for her again. Even if it meant confronting a man much more powerful than her. Even if it meant losing. Even if it meant drowning all over again. 

Suddenly, she felt a cool hand grace the side of her cheek. She felt her suit dematerialize around her until it was just a bracelet again. She felt Okoye kneel down in front of her, eyes kinder than they usually were. She felt her pull her in close and squeeze. The pressure of the embrace bringing Riri back into her body. They stayed like that until Riri could breathe again. 

She went to apologize as Okoye pulled back silently, just as she had appeared, but she was cut off. 

"Aht aht. There is no need." Okoye softly but firmly let her know, sitting down next to her. They had never been this close before. Riri looked over to see the jet flying itself. The first time she saw that happen she was crazy nervous, but she's grown to trust both Wakandan tech and Okoye. After a few moments of silence, Okoye spoke again.

"I know what she means to you, you know."

Riri looked at her finally, noticing how somber her eyes really looked. She had seen those eyes before, but not like this. Okoye continued, looking back out the windows. 

"I was T'Challa's right hand. I saw it all, from the beginning to the end. I saw him be the panther, I saw him be the king. I saw him be Shuri's brother." Riri felt a pang in her at the use of Shuri's name. She listened.

"And I saw him fall in love. I saw him devote himself to Nakia, and I saw her unravel at the loss of him - until she left. I saw it all, as much as I could. And I often wondered why I didn't feel the way they seemed to feel when my husband betrayed me and Wakanda. But their love... it was pure. It was something out of this world, it was something built into them." Okoye sighed, feeling grief in many directions. Riri found herself fighting back tears again until Okoye looked at her with different eyes, almost loving eyes this time.

"I have seen that kind of love before and that is how I know you have it. Both of you. And that is how I know we will figure this out." Okoye looked at her and squeezed her hand again, affirming what she said. They both heard the AI tell them they were approaching in the next 5 minutes. Through her tears that were now shamelessly falling down her face, Riri gulped out a question, in true Riri fashion.

"Do you think you will ever love like that?"

"I already do." Okoye said, getting up and adjusting herself to get back to the front of the plane to chart their secret entrance into Wakanda. Riri looked confused.

"Ngudade wethu." Okoye answered again, before sitting down and being who she needed to be. Riri knew what she said, and knew that she was right. About all of it. 

As they prepared themselves, Riri suited up and made her way to the front of the plane. 

"Where did he say to meet?" The midnight angel asked Riri. She sent the coordinates to the jet and looked at them wistfully. She hadn't really thought about where she might actually be going to "talk" to him when she was rushing to get herself to Wakanda. She jumped when Okoye gasped. 

"What?! What is it?!" Worry filled her from head to toe again, hoping it had nothing to do with Shuri. 

"That bastard... We are going to have to find a way to break into the palace. He wants to meet in the throne room."

Riri was speechless, knowing that this was a tactic to try to make her feel weak. She also couldn't deny that it was working. She felt her heart rate increase at the thought of being back in there. Of seeing the place where she almost died. Of... all of it. She had visited many times in her dreams, all against her will. And now she would face him there, against her will. She knew he was doing this to weaken her resolve, much like her and Shuri did with the dehydrating jet. She knew his intent all along, but this certainly solidified it. 

Riri tried to make peace with dying in Wakanda. Once again, her mom wouldn't know where she was or how any of this happened. She wondered what lie they would tell her. She wondered if she would fight or just give herself to him. She wondered what Shuri would do, knowing this wouldn't end well no matter what she did. But she held her mind together as best as she could. She knew she had to meet him before she did. She knew she had to do what she could to prevent a second war. Okoye knew too, looking at her and then pulling up her own beads to try and locate Shuri. 

"The Panther's location services are currently offline." The Ai spoke to them. 

"Let us pray she is behind us and not ahead of us."

"Will she know where to find us?"

"We are about to break into the most secure place on the planet earth. I'm sure everyone will know where to find us in a matter of moments." Okoye answered and they shared a look. 

"I hope you know, I will fight until the end with you. I have stood with the Wakandan throne my whole life. I have stood with Shuri and those that came before her. I have stood for the safety of my people as best as possible, but I have made my own mistakes before. I will stand with you, now, Riri. No matter the outcome."

Riri felt the pull of her tear ducts again but different this time. Okoye reminded her of her own sister, and of her own mistakes. She reached out a hand and found Okoye's. They held hands until it was time to land. 

Once they had maneuvered their way into the country using Okoye's knowledge as former general and her new disguising tech, which Riri made a note to recreate if she made it out of this, Riri followed Okoye into the dense jungle around them.

"The best chance we have is to stay low until we can't anymore, and then charge in. The Doras won't see it coming but they will react, with their full might as they've been trained to do. Even to me. Our goal is not to harm any Wakandans, but we have to get to the throne room before he does. I will do my best to reason with Ayo and Aneka but they will resist a meeting with him there. Once we spot him, we must draw him away from the palace. Even if it means drawing him to the sea. Remember that he is most powerful near water."

Riri nods as she listens. Okoye wishes there were another way.

"Remember that if we see Shuri, we may already be too late. We must keep them separate. I do not know if she will choose peace a second time. Not when it concerns you."

"I don't want her to do this, I hope you know. You were right. You were right about it all. I love her. But I don't want her to risk everything for me. You all already have and I can't live with that. I can't live with any of this. I don't want to die but... But I can't let everyone else die for me either." Riri spits out, hoping she's being believed. She means it. Okoye looks at her and hears Nakia's voice in her head. "I just know his spirit. It is simple in that way for me."

"Ndiyawazi umoya wakho. I believe you. And I will fight to make sure no one has to die today, unfortunately even him if it means peace."

"Thank you."

"Thank you, small girl."

"For what?" Riri asked, genuinely surprised since most of the mayhem the past few months has been a result of her actions - intentional or not. 

"For giving her something to hold onto again. Something to believe in." Okoye answered truthfully. Riri didn't know what to say but she took in what the older woman said, against trusting her. After a few moments of silence, it was time.

"Stand behind me and do not fly until I tell you. If you enter the air space anywhere near the palace, you will be shot down before you can count to one. Do you understand?" Riri nodded. 

She did understand. Now, more clearly than ever.

🖤

[robobirdie]

Clan of the Lost update

It's been a while since I did an update. I never intended for such a long hiatus but this year has not been a good year. At the end of May my grandmother on my mothers side died of sepsis and most of her side of the family are pretty awful people, let's just say they are into drugs and my one half uncle has a criminal record involving drugs and some not good things with kids (explains why my parents never let him come over nor leave I and my sisters alone when he was around during family gatherings) so there was a great deal of work and drama too deal with plus we had to clean her apartment as she had lay for three days after she passed before anyone found her then my father broke his one leg into three pieces in September while Roller Skating and I've been helping him with daily tasks since then cause he can't do a good deal of stuff while using crutches. I never stopped working on my story but things took longer as I was busy.

Anyway I've finally got finished a good portion of the story completed and have posted them here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34894561/chapters/86888878

There are now three chapters to the prequel story.

In this next section the ninja get a hint of where the Lost Clan came from however things don't go as planned when they go to investigate the site. They stumble upon some strange lands and some dark secrets to the clan. Then upon their return home the Clan unleashes their biggest attack yet to the capital of Ninjago (Skylor makes a major appearance here). Here's some samples from what I have posted so far:

A very interesting dragon they encounter:

Some of the artifacts from the story:

Two of the strange environments they come across:

After the battle in the capital the ninja find themselves hunted by entities that call themselves the riders of doom one of which is the Rider of Pestilence:

Some creatures and flora from the strange place they find themselves in:

Some snippets from the story:

At one spot almost two thirds the way across the lake they came onto a small rocky island in the lake and decided to take a break so Kai could relax before they continued over open water. The isle was not too small as it was big enough to have a decent sized cabin with a couple meters around it on all sides having land before they reached the shore and even then there was a bit of this flooded forest which Zane and Pixal had started referring to as a dock forest around the isle. The cabin looked up kept and still in use however no one was there and it was locked. Looking into the windows they could see no signs of anyone currently living there. They guessed this might be someone’s summer or vacation home and they weren’t currently there. They sat down outside this cabin where the path went rate past it. The isle was dominated by conifer trees mainly what looked to be a species of redwood possibly some form of metasequoia which had the ground of the isle colored reddish from its shed leaves along with some ferns and other flora including a tree looking fungi. The flora on the isle was fairly dense creating a secluded and sheltered site on the isle; they were guessing that was why the cabin had been built there in the first place. Someone had wanted a nice secluded and quite place to get away from it all.

“So what if we don’t find a settlement here?” Jay asked while they sat there picking up small stones and pinecones every now and then to then toss them at a wall of the cabin.

“Well we’ll defiantly have to find Cole something to eat before he tries to eat one of us,” Kai joked irritating Cole who wasn’t amused by the comment and getting hangry. Kai as well was tossing small objects at the building. Zane was not happy about the two throwing stuff at the building steadily getting more annoyed at the two.

“Can you please not do that,” he commented. Not sure what Zane was talking about Kai expressed as he tossed a pinecone at the building, “not do what?”

“That,” Zane stated. Picking up what was agitating Zane Jay quietly told Kai to film before teasing Zane as he tossed a pinecone with, “you mean this?”

“Yes. This structure is someone else’s property and you could end up causing damages to it,” Zane explained. Kai asked while filming, “how could pinecones damage a building?” Zane didn’t seem to realise he was being filmed.

“You could break a window and we have nothing to fix it nor do we know when the owner will return so it could be left open for days or even months leaving access for creatures and weather to get into the structure causing much more damage which could cost the owner a great deal in funds, time and even their health should mold or dangerous animals take inhabitance in the structure,” Zane explained. Jay expressed, “that’s why you aim for an area of the wall without a window on it.” Pixal questioned confused, “why are you committing such an action? There is no logical reason to throw random objects against a wall.”

“It’s just a chill thing to do to alleviate boredom,” Jay commented. After a moment’s pause Zane commented, “can’t you just use your brain for stimulation like visualizing your thoughts or you could use your time to analyze and study the world around you.”

“We’re not nindroids; our brains can’t so nicely visualize things like yours can plus we don’t share your twos curious and analytical minds,” Kai commented. Jay then stated, “because it gives your hands something to do. Haven’t you every just picked things up and tossed them for the fun of it? There’s no harm in it plus you can turn it into a game. You know see how good your aim is and how close you can get to a target.” Zane and Pixal looked at each other for a moment confused before Pix commented, “no.”

“Why don’t you give it a go; just pick up something and give it a toss at something,” Jay proposed. Again Zane and Pixal looked at each other a bit confused before Zane looked around himself for a small object. He picked up a small stone and looked it over.

“Okay now give it a throw at something,” Jay encouraged. To Jays shock but everyone else’s amusement instead of throwing the stone at the building or tree like he expected Zane tossed the stone at him with considerable force. It smacked Jay pretty hard in the chest knocking him back and momentarily taking his breath away.

“I guess I can see some of the attraction to this,” Zane commented as Jay sat back up to angrily proclaim, “you don’t throw it at living things!”

“You did not say that was not an option,” Pixal noted and Cole commented, “to be fair you sometimes deserve to be hit by stones. If words don’t get through to you then stones sure will.” Jay was not amused.

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” Jay commented and Zane noted, “you kept up an action I told you to stop.”

“It’s just a building!” Jay stated and Pixal commented, “yes but it does not belong to you. How would you feel having someone throwing stones at your home?” Jay was silent for a moment before commenting a bit defeated, “I wouldn’t like it.”

“See now will you not throw stones at it. Why don’t you analyze these strange cones instead,” Zane commented tossing a cone from the forest floor at Jay. Jay caught it and looked at it not too amused. Cole quickly commented picking one up that sat by him to ask, “can we eat these?”

“Possibly; they might need to be cooked to render them safe for human consumption but that is not a guarantee so best not to test it out at this time,” Pixal noted while Jay worked on trying to open up the cone. He had to use a pocket knife he had in a pocket of his attire to cut it open. When he got it open he remarked looking at the inside, “this is weird. It’s like someone shoved dried beans into that stuff in a dragon fruit and it smells funny like fishy funny. I don’t want to risk eating this.”

“What do those cones come from?” Kai asked reaching for one of the cones near him which looked to be buried a bit in the leaf litter and Zane noted, “most likely the strange trees forming this dock forest. We’re calling the trees Dock Cypresses.” As Kai picked up the supposed cone he was startled to find this ‘cone’ was some strange hedgehog like mammal with armoured plates on its back that made it look like a pine cone. The creature was not too pleased with being picked up and yelled at him displaying the massive almost tusk like fangs in its more wolfish snout at Kai who quickly tossed the creature away from himself worried of getting bit by it. The creature ploughed about a foot on the ground as it landed before getting up to rush off into the undergrowth Cole commenting as it ran, “do you think we could eat that?”

“Possibly but you would have to find and catch it first,” Zane commented. Cole was not up to trying to find the creature.

“You know maybe we should continue on before Cole gets hungry enough to try and eat one of our arms,” Kai commented. Cole was not happy with them joking about him but they all agreed they should continue on their way...

Snippet 2:

“I don’t care the reason. We need to focus on the now and keep them from taking the capitol. If they take this spot the rest of the continent will descend into turmoil and we could lose everything to these monsters,” the chief declared and Skylor expressed checking her phone, “they haven’t messed with local cell towers have they?”

“The police are on the way just stay there and don’t throw potato salad at the monsters. Just like wild animals don’t feed them they’ll come back for more… No the local cell signals are fine but so many people are calling the systems are overwhelmed and signals poor… Hello Ninjago PD what can I do for you, what do you mean mini Grundles have invaded the museum? No they look a bit like mini Grundles but they’re not…Feardrakes… lock them in the cafeteria with food tossed around if you can till help arrives that should distract them,” a dispatcher commented between answering calls. Skylor wondered, “if I got closer to a tower would I have a better signal?” One of the tacticians stated, “possibly.”

“Where’s the closest one?” Skylor asked and one of the dispatcher stated, “I think one of the skyscrapers nearby has a cell tower atop it.” Skylor went over to the glass doorway and looked up at the top of the nearby buildings. Due to their large height it was hard to see the tops but she was pretty sure one of them did have a cell tower on top. After a few minutes searching one of the tacticians came over to her to show her on his tablet a map with regional cell towers. He pointed to the nearest one. It was only a block away on a mixed commercial residential building. The lower floors had some shops while the upper floors were residential. She was going to make for that building. She headed out the door. She had to help the force members and cops fight back some of the enemy forces that were trying to break into their base in order to get out. To get over the barricade the clan had brought over one of their siege towers to climb over the barricade while one of the mammoths was bashing at the one section of the barricade trying to either smash through it or knock it over. It already had several holes in the barricade. As the forces started to enter the secure area those out there began retreating into the building as those inside began shutting the defence shutters for the lower levels to keep the forces out of the building.

Using the lightening power she had siphoned from the crow monster she struck the siege tower lighting it on fire which as it was butted up to the largely wooden barricade walls the cops had built started parts of that on fire. The erupting fire startled the mammoth who knocked off its rider as it reared up in fright. Knowing she’d have trouble fighting her way a block on her own as the forces and cops were occupied and overwhelmed by clan forces while trying to get people to safety she came up with an idea. To control the mammoth the rider was using chains that were anchored into bracers attached at the base of the tusks which wound up onto its neck. She rushed over getting into a fight with the mammoths rider while the mammoth tried to defend them by attacking her. The rider was a Gnollsvic who wore fur armour like some kind of hunter and could wield a warhammer with one hand. Considering they were heavy built she didn’t find that too surprising; he was fitting the stereotype of pets looking like their owners.

Fighting the rider and his pet was tough but she managed to take out the rider by giving him a shock then slashing at the back of his legs dropping him to his legs before stabbing him through the chest. Even after its rider exploded into a mist that disappeared the mammoth continued to fight her. She dodged its attacks getting to its one hind leg where she proceeded to climb up onto its back where she then crawled to the base of its neck where the chain rested. It went to reach up with its trunk at her but she slashed at its trunk with her sword making it pull its trunk away. She sat herself at the base of its neck and grabbed the chain. It tried reaching her a few more times but each time she struck its trunk away. It then tried to shake her off but she held onto its shaggy fur keeping from getting knocked off.

“Okay you’re clearly not on our side but I’m not going to give up so easily. Just co-operate with me for a couple minutes and then you can go back to trashing the city,” she told the beast which made a low grumbling noise. She was guessing it wasn’t happy but that didn’t matter. One way or the other she was going to get it to co-operate. She pulled on the one side of the chain tugging its head to the side to face where she needed to go. It was not happy but turned in the direction. Now she needed to get it to move. Using the power she had siphoned she gave it a mild shock to the back of the neck. It threw its head back and reared up in protest but Skylor held on keeping from getting thrown off. When it landed again she gave it another shock. This time it moved forward.

“There was that hard,” she proclaimed. As the mammoth moved forward she would pull on one side or the other of its chain to keep it in the right trajectory. The mammoth would move slightly to that side swinging its head in anger in the process. She quickly learned that by doing this she was able to get the mammoth to knock over some opponents mainly large monsters in the process. The opponents were quick to take note that she was controlling the mammoth and a few tried to intervene crawling up onto the mammoth to get her. The Huntsmen and Gnollsvic were easy to knock off but the Gorgayhurra (gorg-ay-yur-a), a strange parrot headed and armed serpentine, wasn’t easy.

It climbed up secretly onto the mammoth and slunk to behind her to launch atop and coil around her just as she reached the building she needed to get into. To her misfortune the ground level already had the disaster shutters put down. She didn’t have time though to work around that as she had to find a way to break free of the Gorgayhurra which was trying to bite her with its powerful beak. She’d managed to get her sword arm up as it wrapped around her so she was able to shove her hand with the sword into the back of its moth hindering its ability to close its beak. She had her other hand on the chains for the mammoth however she could barely move it with the constriction from the Gorgayhurra which was tightening its coils to constrict around her as tight as it could to take her out of the struggle. Unable to break the Gorgayhurra’s hold she gave off a shock from the powers she had siphoned. This stunned the serpentine creature who loosened itself before falling off her and the mammoth which reared up in pain from the shock.

“Sorry about that but if your parrot faced snake friend had held off its attack I wouldn’t have had to do that now just co-operate a little longer and you’re free to go,” she told the mammoth as she urged it with the chains to stand next to the building so she could climb onto a window ledge of the second story. Once on the ledge she knocked on the window while clinging to the frame and slim ledge of the window to see if anyone was inside that could let her in. While everything from the second story up was residential that didn’t necessarily mean anyone was home then and it didn’t seem like anyone was. She’d have to break the window to get in. Before she could make a move though she was sent smashing through the window as the Gorgayhurra launched off the mammoth as it slowly moved off to plough into her from behind.

They smashed through the window landing in some ones apartment. As they landed the Gorgayhurra quickly coiled around her and began squeezing tight. As she had been unprepared for the ambush she was unable to react in time to hinder the serpentines coil. It got tighter with each of her breaths making it harder and harder to breathe. She was struggling to breathe and her vision starting to blur when the creature let out a startled cry and loosened on her. It didn’t let her go but loosened up enough that she was able to breathe and regain her senses. She could see she was in the apartment of a family with three kids, two daughters and a son, who were huddled hiding against the wall in the kitchen of their open floor plan apartment.

The father had smacked the creature in the back of the head with a frying pan when they had realised this creature had someone in its coils. This had distracted it with new targets making it loose interest in her. The father was still using the frying pan to smack the creature whenever it got close to them while the mother was hitting it with a baking sheet. Those weren’t hurting the creature but were irritating it making it let her go more so it could better attack them. Back to her senses and with the creatures grip loosened she manoeuvred her way out of the few coils it still had on her. The creature looked back at her as she got up clearly mad she’d got free. She hit it with a shock momentarily stunning it. While it was stunned she positioned herself between it and the family. The creature clawed and bit at them in attack and she slashed at the creature with each of the attacks to keep it back.

“Where’s the front door?” she asked them and the mother asked, “why?” Skylor explained hitting the Gorgayhurra back from one of its attacks, “I may need you all to make a run for it.”

“Over there,” the mother expressed pointing in the direction of the doorway as one of the kids through a glass jar of what looked to be a jam at the creature. The jar smashed against the Gorgayhurra’s beak breaking open and leaving some jam to drip off its beak while the rest fell to the floor. The Gorgayhurra was unharmed just annoyed so yelled at them showing off its hand claws scaring them all back into the counters Skylor holding her sword at the creature in case it made a sudden move. Before it could attack however it got distracted after licking some of the jam that was dripping on the tip of its beak off. It looked to like it. It licked the jam off its beak then began picking up the pieces of glass from the jar to lick them clean before throwing them away to then lick up the jam that had gotten onto the floor.

“What did you hit it with?” Skylor asked the kid who had thrown the jam who responded with, “peach jam.” Looking around the kitchen she noted an open picnic basket on the counter with some fruits, sandwiches, lidded bowls and containers. While monsters Gorgayhurra’s were very animal like so could be distracted by things they viewed as food.

“We’d been packing to have a picnic before the chaos,” the father stated as she went over to inspect the basket making sure to keep the creature in her field of view. The Gorgayhurra took note of her movement before noticing the basket.

“You want this?” she asked tilting the basket up to give the creature a better look at it. It moved closer to the basket so she picked it up. The Gorgayhurra watched the basket as she slowly moved back to the window they had smashed through. The Gorgayhurra moved away from them to follow the basket. Once at the window she waited a moment for the creature to get closer before tossing the basket out of the window. The Gorgayhurra wasted no time in lunging out of the window to wrap around the basket to land with it on the street below where it proceeded to dig into everything there getting into fights with other monsters looking to come and see what it had and see if they could get some.

“Sorry about the mess and the basket. You should probably sweep up the glass and find something to cover the window for the time being,” she expressed after a moment’s pause after turning to the family. They were scared and a little too stunned to reply. Only the father was able to express still shaken with, “that’s okay better it has that instead of us.” She quickly continued on her mission. She went into the hall where a small group of the apartments inhabitants had gathered to see what was going on in that unit.

She rushed to the elevator managing to catch one from people from another floor that had come to see what was causing the commotion on that floor. She rode the elevator to the highest floor it could go, the twentieth floor; she then found the stairs for access to the rooftop. Unfortunately the roof access door was locked; fortunately though she’d seen in the hall an axe in a fire emergency box hung on the wall. She went and retrieved it breaking it out of the glass front panel and took it to the door. She used the axe the smash at the door handle damaging the lock and making it easy for her to break the door open.

There was some of the Glowback and Corpse Bird creatures roosted up there just watching the chaos below. She hit them with a shock and they clearly were not up for a fight as that was all that it took to get them to fly off and leave her alone there. Once on the rooftop she went over to the cell tower anchored to the center of the roof. She pulled out her phone to get a look. The signal wasn’t at full bars but it was much better than it had been below. She quickly dialed up Kais number. The first time it didn’t go through. She tried again. To her joy it made it through…

Snippet 3:

If this fog wasn’t unsettling enough the song he could hear coming through it had him unsettled. While it was muffled a bit by the fog he could still hear it quite well. He hadn’t been able to figure out where Rosic had sent him before the fog had rolled in but he was pretty sure it was still somewhere in Ninjago City. She had thrown him into an alley way where he’d landed in a dumpster when she had tossed him through the portal. He believed he was by one of the market districts as he’d come across several shops as he searched around the area but apart from that he had not been able to figure it out before the strange fog had rolled in like a wave the enemies disappearing as it swept through the area.

The only good thing this fog did was put out all the fires that had developed in the city. To his misfortune all the buildings in the area had their disaster shutters down leaving him stuck out on the street; in the open and alone. Not good circumstances he felt especially with the unknown of where and what the clan was up to. After the fog had rolled in he had been trying to contact the others before getting distracted by the song. He’d at first mistook the music as a possible commotion from fighting before realising it was music.

He’d followed it thinking someone might need aid but as he got closer to the source not only did he find no one but he’d come to realise it was just a radio he was hearing. He felt it likely was coming from the radio a merchant likely had on as they had worked prior to the attack. Considering how quiet everything had been and the fact the clan had released an EMP in the attack he found it both odd and rather unsettling to be hearing music. While not too loud he could hear fairly clearly the song whose lyrics and heavy rock tone he might have enjoyed if it wasn’t for the surroundings he was in. That just made the tune unsettling. He’d followed the sound of the radio to what appeared to be a market street with various shops quite a few selling foods like produce and baked goods. He was now just blindly navigating through the street sticking close to the buildings on the one side looking for anyone else. So far he’d seen no one; not even this Lost Clan or their beasts.

That was the most unsettling. The enemies had disappeared like ghosts when the fog first rolled in and was at its thickest which had really scared him. The area was dead; no one and no thing not even pigeons were out and about making the area feel like a ghost town. This was worsening his nerves which were already deeply on edge from the fog that now engulfed the city. It was thick and dark making it nearly impossible to see anything more than a couple meters away from himself and he got the unsettling feeling that not only was he not alone there but he was being watched by something in the fog. He was thankful this fog wasn’t like the usual one the Lost Clan used however it was much like that of the Oni though it didn’t seem to give off the physical draining and paralyzing effects of the Oni’s fog. It was still highly unsettling never the less and worsened his feelings of fear and dread.

‘It's hiding in the dark; It's teeth are razor sharp; There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart; No one can hear me scream’ he heard from the song causing him to comment, “great if things weren’t unsettling enough here that just made things creepier.” The radio then began to emit nothing but the sound of static with scatterings of was that just speaking or the song? He was having trouble identifying it as he became too distracted by the quickly overwhelming feeling of something terrible nearby. He couldn’t tell what or why he felt that he just knew he had the overwhelming feeling that he needed to hide from danger. He couldn’t be out in the open. ‘The nightmare's just begun’ was sung through the radio before it went back to static further worsening his feelings. What a time for that to play over the radio. Had that just been a coincidence or was something trying to tell him something? He was too scared to think of it.

The feeling that he needed to get off the street was too overwhelming. He quickly tried to open the doors to several shops but all were locked and barricaded from within. Even the windows to the structures were blocked by metal shutters to protect from attacks. Clearly the shop keeps had barricaded the stores to likely try and shelter during the attack. Maybe they were still in there. He knocked on a few of them before realizing if someone was in there they most likely wouldn’t respond too scared he could be one of these monsters. Where were the monsters? Ever since the fog had rolled in all the forces of the Lost Clan seemed to have disappeared. Or at least it seemed like it.

There was something on the street with him he could hear hard footsteps somewhere in the fog down the road ahead of him. There were a few steps then it stopped. Where those from hooves? Metal boots? Did it sound like something big? He didn’t wish to find out. He thought about using his powers to break through the barricades to get into a shop for safety however resisted. The sound of that could draw the attention of whatever was out there in the fog and he had a strong suspicion he did not want to see what it was. Whatever it was had stopped as if waiting for a sound to direct it towards something. He needed to be quite but he also needed a place to hide. He slowly moved back on the street away from the footsteps continuing to quietly check shop doors hoping one was unlocked.

None but he did find the entrance to an alley way. It wasn’t as secure as an indoor structure but it would get him off the main road. Hopefully that would be enough to protect him. He could hear the footsteps starting up again slowly coming towards him. He moved into the alley sticking close to a wall. He was shaking with fear. The footsteps stopped. They sounded not too far away now. He could start to smell something. It smelled horrible almost like rot; kind of like leftovers that had been sitting at the back of the fridge for several months he thought.

These monsters they fought defiantly weren’t the nicest smelling things but this smelled way worse than those they were frequently encountering. After a moment of silence he began to wonder if he should dare a peak to the street to see who or what could be out there. He looked out into the clouded street pondering over taking a peak so when something touched his shoulder it sent him into a panic. He screamed jumping and activating his lava arms preparing for an attack. He prepped to punch fighting to hold back from pummelling whatever had touched him in case it was just a person. While it wasn’t what he expected he was relieved to see it was just a serpentine from the constricti tribe who clearly hadn’t been expecting his reaction and was cowering from him pleading, “I’m sorry please don’t hurt me!”

“What are you doing here?” he inquired dropping his lava arms starting to calm down. The serpentine explained in a hurried tone clearly scared, “some of us came up here to see what is going on. This strange fog is seeping into our tunnels and there are these monsters and daemons starting to patrol within them.” Cole heard the footsteps again. He told the serpentine to be quiet as he heard the footsteps start up. They both hugged close to the wall listening as the steps got closer and stopped. The rot smell got even worse and was now sickening. Cole felt on the edge of getting sick.

“What is that?” the serpentine inquired equally disgusted. Cole stated, “I don’t know but I’m guessing it is probably real bad… how did you get up here? Do you have an entrance into your tunnels nearby?”

“Yha why?” the serpentine asked and he responded, “I think that will be our best bet of getting out of here. I have a strong feeling we don’t want to know what that is.” The serpentine offered, “we could do that if you’ll come back to our settlement and explain what is going on up here.” Cole agreed to those terms. They decided to head on their way to escape whatever was out there. Before they left however Cole couldn’t help but peak out into the road to just get a glimpse of what was out there. He was curious to know what it was. He slowly looked out and around the building.

He couldn’t see anything through the fog. Just the produce stand from the shop he was sheltering next to. Some of its produce had fallen off the wooden stand that stood out front the shop which had its metal shutters covering its windows and door. The sound of steps started up. Was there movement out there? Yes there was something moving towards them in the fog. It looked to be a rider of some sort on was that a horse? The smell got much worse as this rider slowly moved through the fog. Something drew his attention from the rider. A sickly green mist was creeping beneath the fog. When it made contact with any of the produce within seconds they went from fresh to a state of decay. Rot overtaking them blackening and moulding them in under a minute. The stand holding the produce even began to rot the wood crippling and falling apart as if decades of exposure to the elements and lack of care had overcome it in seconds spilling the steadily rotting produce over the road. Even more shocking the metal of the buildings shutters began to rust and even some of the bricks of the building started to crumble to dust. Cole was in a state of shock; what kind of monster had powers like this? Looking back up into the fog he could see more clearly the figure moving towards him.

A dusted black emaciated looking horse carrying an equally gaunt emaciated person whose skin was greyed was moving towards him. The rider was nearly skeletal in appearance and wore tattered clothes mainly just a pauper’s shirt and pants with crude cloth wraps on their feet. A band of cloth made a gag over his mouth and his glazed eyes still bore an unsettling yellowish glow; a glow his horse’s eyes shared. He was carrying a staff with some kind of t shaped structure on the top which as the rider rode closer Cole realised looked to be a representation of the old style scales used for weight measuring. The rider stopped a couple feet away from him the rider just staring at the ground in front of himself with a blank look.

“What is that?” the serpentine whispered to him and Cole replied, “I don’t know… I don’t think we should let that thing see us though.” The two were then struck with horror when the rider addressed them looking directly towards them, “you will find no feed for thee here. From wheat to meat shall your needs of the day rot and decay within my wake.” The entity had a deep unsettling and un-human voice. It turned towards them taking a few steps.

“Just as you would consume the fruits of the trees the swarm shall consume you,” the rider proclaimed pointing his staff at them. Highly unsettled the serpentine asked, “What does he mean by that… what’s that sound?” There was a buzzing sound slowly getting louder. Cole was a little distracted frozen in fear as his eyes looked into the riders eyes. He got a feeling of doom from this thing.

His attention was suddenly broken by a locust coming to land on his arm and bite him. He quickly smacked it looking away from the rider and coming to note a swarm of locusts emerge from the fog. They began to feed on the rotting food and wood in front of the store and began landing on Cole and the serpentine tearing at their clothing and biting them trying to tear chunks of flesh from them. These were no ordinary locusts. They were bigger almost the size of mice and even when hit or swatted didn’t squish instead just getting stunned before continuing the attack. Cole and the serpentine took a moment to try and swat the insects off them before deciding it best to flee for safety as they were being overwhelmed.

“Flee as you might but my swarm shall follow and strip all that is edible till nothing is left,” the rider expressed following them their horse trotting and showing a disturbing amount of energy for something that looked near dead from starvation.

“What is that thing?” the serpentine asked as they fled constantly swatting and fighting the locusts which followed them down the alley. The rider boasted trotting close behind them, “I am the Limos; rider of famine and decay one of the four great riders; the riders of doom who upon the foreboding and powers of apocalypse has been bestowed.” The two managed to reach the next block but the rider and his locusts was quick on their heels.

“Quick down here,” the serpentine proclaimed lifting the sewer grate and quickly heading down. Cole quickly followed pulling the grate back over managing to close it just as the rider reached them proclaiming as he did, “attempt to hide you may but we will find you and the swarm will feast upon you like they do upon the wheat.” They could hear the hooves of the rider upon the grate and the buzzing of the insects above as they lowered into the sewers.

“Well I think we’ll be stuck down here for a while. Might as well talk to your leaders; you’re going to have to help me out though as it’s a little too dark for me to see here,” Cole expressed as they took a moment to relax and assess themselves. They were both missing patches of attire and had bites and scratches from the locusts all over them. The serpentine took his hand and began leading him through the dark...

For the rest of the story you can visit here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34894561/chapters/86888878

For more of the artwork you can visit here: https://www.deviantart.com/robo-birdie/gallery/72478681/story-project

[roryonic]

DVD Commentary: Battleships and Love Boats

Another for the vault @shamelessdvdcommentary :)

Idk who requested me, but thank you a whole lot <3 it's nice to be thought of. Since I don't know which story anon would like to know about, I thought I'd pick the biggest and baddest hahah

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc)

Published June 24th, 2023 (same day I finished In Another World). Wrote and posted one chapter (ish) every day. Finished it about 2 months later.

Chapters? 106

Word count? 238,315

What was the initial inspiration for your story?

Smut.

No, really.

I vaguely dabbled with smut in In Another World, so I wanted to truly try my hand at it in a story that was meant to have it. I also knew I wanted to write a story where they were a bit younger because I like all the angsty drama hahah

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character?

I almost always write in dual POV. To me, it makes sense because both Ian and Mickey have an equal say about their relationship. It's also such a nice break to be able to jump into one's head when I so please.

What was your favourite scene to write?

Chapter 51 - Boyfriend.

I loooove the casual (semi) PDA and the calm of them both when they're finally together. Details and absentminded touches are my cryptonite, so I adore how they act in that chapter as they're looking at cars. They're dialogue is also adorable (if I may say so myself lol)

How did you come up with the title?

Titles are the first thing I come up with when I'm writing a story and more or less build everything off of that vibe. I think I heard or read Battleships and Love Boats somewhere, but I can't remember where, and it just stuck.

Fitting, though, I think. Both love and calm, but also battles and uncertainty.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this?

Smut hahah

It's time to face the facts that I will never be an excellent smut writer and I am fine with that. I cringe too much of myself to write too explicitly. Too innocent for this.

Favourite line in the story?

“Jesus Chr—fuck,” Ian spoke breathlessly and dropped his head back a bit too far, consequently banging it against the wall.

The one that started it all hahah

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story?

Oh my god, if it did.

Let's just say that the story you start reading is not the story you end with. But, again, I don't map out my stories if I can help it.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc)

Dialogue.

I think I had their voices etched into my brain stem at that point. If I can't hear the characters say their lines, I don't write it.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add?

I wish I had gotten Mickey his car. Sorry, Mick.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity?

Very much surprised.

After I wrote In Another World, which became quite successful, I didn't think I could replicate anything like the warm reception that it got.

I was wrong.

Battleship, you exceeded all expectations.

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote?

Alexa! Play "All by myself" - Celine Dion!

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it.

[frozenjokes]

mermaid mumscarian. that’s all. I actually forgot to post the first chapter when I finished it, so congratulations tumblr, you get TWO helpings of dumbassery today.

snippet

***

When Mumbo returned, hungry and irritated about still being hungry, Scar was looking for clams. That seemed to be his favorite activity, sifting through the sand, digging up clams, piling them up, then at the end of day, scattering them back in the sand. Today, Scar was lining up his clams on the shore, letting them sit in the sun for whatever reason. Mumbo wondered if he ever planned on eating them, or if the clams were just toys to humans. Maybe Scar didn’t understand how to get inside them? Mumbo snorted, bubbles floating to the surface. Humans probably thought the clams would just open up for them if they waited long enough.

But not even his sour mood could withstand Scar’s bright smile as the human spotted Mumbo returning; its entire body lit up, every single encounter met with the same excitement as the first time it saw him. Sure, Mumbo was more easily flattered than most mermaids he knew, but anyone would break under the weight of that joy. Was Scar that excited to see everyone, or was it just him? He hoped Scar knew he felt similarly. He wished he could tell him.

Scar’s attention quickly shifted back to the sand though, bending over to sift through with a hand then plucking a clam out of the water. “Oooh this is a big one!”

Across the water, sitting on a rocky outcrop, Grian rolled his eyes. “Pretty sure you’ve shown me that same clam every day since you first got here.”

“It’s big though!”

“It is pretty big.”

“Do you think she’ll win?”

“The- did you finally remember to bring nail polish? And I don’t know, I’ll have to take a look at all of them before I decide.” Grian went back to fishing (and Mumbo was keeping a closer eye than he’d like to admit on the line), but Scar seemed satisfied, taking his bounty to the shore to line it up with the ten or so other clams.

“Well you’d better get ready, because our athletes are all lined up! They’re revving to go, Grian! You should look before they speed away! They’re chomping at the bit I tell you, they’re gonna run right away if you don’t come and look right now.”

Grian made a small noise of assent, not moving. “I'm in no rush.” He re-cast his line.

Scar huffed, trotting to his bag (which Mumbo couldn’t help but notice was placed very far from the shore, what was up with that anyway? Did they not trust him? They could trust him. Come on, no harm in putting them a little closer to the water..) and producing a small vial. Mumbo dragged himself a little closer to inspect it as Scar sat back with his clams. It smelled weird.

“What,” Mumbo said in human, another very useful word he’d learned, and Scar smiled, unscrewing the top.

“We paint our..” he paused, thinking, before gesturing to his dull claws, “Nails.” With the brush attached to the cap, he drew some of the brightly colored liquid inside across one of his ‘nails’, coloring it. Huh. So humans painted their skin just like mermaids did sometimes, very interesting. Unfortunately, Mumbo didn’t have the materials to show him. Scar examined his hand thoughtfully when he finished, throwing Mumbo a soft smile. “This won’t last. I’ll save it for the clams.”

With great care, Scar began to examine his clams one by one, picking them up and spinning them in his hands, saying something about names to Grian, then painting little symbols on the shells once they were dry enough. But why? Mumbo got the sense Scar was preparing them for something- to eat, maybe? Mumbo have never actually seen either human prepare any food; they seemed to bring pre-hunted meals with them every day. Was this.. part of the process..? Why in the world would they name their food?

Well. It was possible Scar wasn’t trying to eat and Mumbo was just thinking about food due to his own hunger. But then what was the point!

Apparently, the painting activity piqued Grian’s interest despite his previous dismissal, a common trend for that human it seemed. Despite holding a somewhat stubborn facade of disinterest, he was quick to contribute a name, and eventually, stopped fishing altogether to check out what Scar was working on.

“This one will be Jellie, the cutest, prettiest, fastest clam,” Scar said, practically shoving one of the clams in Grian’s face. Mumbo couldn’t quite make out the symbol painted on it, (none of the human symbols meant anything to him) but Grian seemed to understand, reaching insistently for the paint in Scar’s other hand. Scar held it out of reach, leaning away, but not without a smile on his face. “What? You don’t like Jellie?”

“Let me make one.”

“I thought you didn’t care about clam racing,” Scar grinned as he shoved back, Grian stumbling a bit in the sand before scrambling back to Scar, throwing himself across the other’s arms in a way that made Mumbo’s fins stand on end. What were they doing? Why were they fighting? Was it about food?

“You can’t put Jellie in the race without Maui and Pearl. At least one of them! I want to draw them.”

“There’s only so many slots for the race, Grian. I’m afraid your cats didn’t make the cut, very sorry, very very sorry.”

“You haven’t even painted all of them yet!” Grian said, in a tone that could have been a growl, though Mumbo had never heard a human make that noise before. Grian pushed at Scar’s face, and Scar laughed(?) hurriedly trying to cap the paint before he dropped it. Grian climbed onto Scar’s back, but as soon as the paint was secure, Scar fell backwards, howling as he crushed Grian in the sand behind him. Grian squeaked, the breath knocked from him, but it wasn’t long before he was squabbling under Scar’s weight, clawing and pushing and being very loud in tones that made Mumbo’s skin crawl. He had to stop them somehow- they were going to hurt each other!

[sauce-salad-bowl]

snippet sunday? :3 🦴

hey pretty ppl!! i realized that i’ve been like terrible at keeping you updated with the status of ch. 14 of POTR, im sorry about that!! i literally made this blog to update ppl about my fics but i’ve been slacking 🏃‍♀️

it’s coming along slowly but surely, and im thinking i might upload the last two chapters together (plus maybe an epilogue) because honestly i want this bad boy done!! (so i can finally start posting pt 2. already lmao)

in the meantime, i wanted to share a bit of the WIP, so here’s the beginning of chapter 14 🗣️🗣️ if you haven’t already, u should most definitely go read the rest of POTR first, or else you might be confused :P you can find it here on my ao3!!

okie here’s a little snippet i hope u enjoy!! ★

By the early morning, you were in the unfamiliar hands of a Capitol prep team, meant to preen you before your first onscreen appearance since the Games. They’re a group of people you’ve never met before, in strange, Capitol fashion. Like the bunny monster wearing a ridiculous feather hat or the human in large, uneven platform shoes. Where was Muffet?

You tried to ask, but the group ignored you, all huddled with you in the tiny, white bathroom. They were only interested in one thing: you and Sans.

“I just can’t stop thinking about that kiss!” the bunny monster gushed, ripping off another strip of your leg hair. You hissed, resisting the urge to clutch at your raw skin. “You two looked so scared! My heart really almost stopped!”

Funny, so did yours. Is this what was really on the minds of Capitol citizens? In the midst of all the bloodshed, they were enthralled with you two instead?

“Did you really think you were going to die?” The human’s voice was odd and high-pitched, almost like it’s been modified. “Or when you got caught in Sans’ trap, what were you thinking?”

“Uh, I was sort of trying not to throw up on him,” you replied, sounding more annoyed than you meant to. They were desperate for any details you would share, but you weren’t sure you wanted to give up anything. It wasn’t any of their business, and honestly, if you had to talk about being in the arena, you might really be sick.

”I’ve never thought of a human and monster getting together, but you two? You’re just the cutest couple!” Your body flushed at that. You hadn’t exactly had the time to iron out those details— were you and Sans together? It’s probably something you should ask him. You pursed your lips, eyes falling to the tile floor.

The bunny monster squealed, the noise straining your newly-fixed ear. “Look at your face! You really do like him!” She sighed, practically swooning right there in your bathroom. “How darling!”

You resisted burying yourself in your hands. Before you even had the chance to speak with him, the entire country was already privy to every detail of your relationship. Your mind swam as you stepped into the outfit they brought for you— a simple sundress, its hem just above the thick scar across your thigh. They must’ve measured.

“So, everyone in the Capitol,” you finally said, ignoring the finishing touches they made on your face, “they… liked watching Sans and I?”

This made the prep team laugh, falling into a collection of haughty snorts and giggles. Wiping a tear from her eye, the bunny monster placed a mirror in your hand, to view their finished product. Your stomach twisted at the thought of seeing yourself. You put it on the counter instead.

“‘Liked’ it? It’s all anyone could talk about! I’ve never even seen such a thing!” She ignored the way your jaw tightened, the way your shoulders raised almost to your ears. “At one point, every channel was just on you two— you couldn’t even find a stream of another tribute!” In a dreamy voice, she added, “It was like I was in the caves with you…”

You debated ripping off her ridiculous hat, or pulling your hair and scratching at your face, so that everything they worked on would be gone. A place where you bled out, confessed everything… and she felt like she was in there with you.

The other half of the prep team seemed to notice the glower that spread across your face. “Well, you look wonderful, dear, now that we’ve washed the arena from you,” he said, suddenly sheepish, “Undyne, uhm, will be here to collect you soon. Congratulations, again.” With that, he hooked his arm under the bunny monster’s and dragged her out, ignoring her incessant pleas to stick around, because when else would she have a chance to talk to a victor?

His last phrase stuck with you. They washed the arena from you, huh?

Once they were gone, your eyes fell to the handheld mirror on your counter. One glance at yourself told you how ridiculous his words were— your eyes were hollow and cheeks were sunken-in, like you hadn’t eaten well in days, which was true. Even though your prep team tried their best to cover them, your skin was raised in small, tiny scars collected from every obstacle you faced. Just barely, you made out the faint line across your forehead, from when Adonis slammed his skull into yours.

And the bracelet, the one gifted to you by your little ally, was now fastened around your neck, the rope having almost come undone in two. You couldn’t bear to part with it, and almost started hyperventilating when the bunny monster tried to remove it earlier, so this was the next best thing.

No. You’d really never be washed of the arena.