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ryrycaptain · 4 years

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My Juliet - PBB 2020

Hello and welcome to my fic for the PBB this year. I took inspiration from reading Romeo and Juliet to create this story. I’ll be forever grateful for ilikestopwatches who helped me so much with this fic. I’d also like to thank Divy for making some amazing art to go along with my fic.

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Dan was growing tired of following the lively man in front of him. He had a mop of brown curls resting on his head and green eyes that were framed by a lopsided pair of glasses. They’d already covered the dressing rooms, prop room, and wardrobe, and he was starting to sweat from the beating sun. “Ah here we are, sir,” the man, PJ called out, “the stage.”

Dan gasped in disbelief. He’d never been to the Globe Theatre before, and to see the stage he would be performing on in person was thrilling. The woodwork was intricate, and the stage was strong under his feet. “It’s amazing,” he cheered.

“It surely is a beautiful feat of architecture.”

At the end of the stage, people were spread out busying themselves with their scripts, but one person in particular caught his eye. The man had brown hair with the slightest tint of red and sparkling blue eyes that were framed by a simple pair of glasses. He looked to be in his early thirties, and he was currently staring intensely at the paper in front of him. “Who’s that?” Dan asked PJ.

PJ gave him a look of confusion. “That’s Philip Lester. He’s the author of the play.”

“Oh I’ve heard of him. He’s one of my biggest inspirations, but I’ve never seen him before.”

PJ nodded curtly and clapped his hands together. Everyone looked towards them and Dan’s cheeks flushed at the attention. “This is Daniel Howell, everyone. He will be playing the lovely Juliet. Please give him a warm welcome.”

With that, PJ started walking towards Phil which left Dan awkwardly standing alone on the stage before someone waved him over. He walked over carefully, wary of breaking something if he stepped too hard or breathed too loud. The man who had waved him over was even taller than Dan, which was a surprising feat since Dan was almost 6 feet tall, and had a shock of red hair framing his face. “My name is Christopher, but you can call me Kit. I’ll be playing the charming Romeo,” the redhead said.

“Um it’s nice to meet you. I’m Daniel but you can call me Dan,” he said, shaking his hand.

“Would you like to practise with me?” Kit asked. “We have a lot of lines together.”

Dan laughed. “I suppose I can make some time to practise with you.”

—

Dan had spent a good hour going over the script with Kit, and he had to admit that the story was brilliant. He could tell the play would be a huge hit with the plot twists and romantic storyline. He wasn’t totally surprised though because Lester’s plays always seemed to amaze him. Speaking of Philip Lester, he was currently perched on a seat in the highest viewing room and yelling at Kit.

“No. No. No. You’re doing it all wrong, Kit,” Philip sighed. “You sound too happy about your recent breakup. The whole point of this scene is to show Romeo’s impulsive behavior. You must be saddened by the loss of your relationship.”

“Ok,” Kit said. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!”

“That’s better, but I still feel like I am watching someone recite lines not mope about their lost love. You must practise this scene. Now, go on and take a break.”

“Yes, Sir,” Kit replied before walking over to the water where Dan was.

“I promise you he’s not always like this,” Kit stated after seeing the worry in Dan’s eyes. “I was an understudy for one of his other shows. He has a soft side, but it takes him some time to de-stress.”

Dan nodded. “I understand.”

Although he tried to play it off as a causal concern, Dan was worried he’d be cut from the show if he didn’t meet Philip’s expectations the first time around. He wasn’t a big name and it was a miracle for him to have a lead part in a Lester original. He needed this role to launch his career.

Pursuing his dream of acting was a huge risk, and his parents were doubtful of him. They were expecting him to earn money and to start a family in the near future and didn’t believe he could do that by playing dress up on a stage, and Dan needed to prove them wrong.

“What’s going through your mind,” Kit said, interrupting his thoughts.

“This is my first major role, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone,” Dan stated.

“I’m sure you have what it takes,” Kit encouraged. “After all, Philip does most of the scouting for his plays so the chances he picked you himself are high.”

Dan felt slightly reassured by that fact but also intimidated by the idea that Philip had seen him perform before. It had taken him a while to perfect his character and he didn’t want to seem incapable. He just had to hope for the best.

——

It was time for Dan to get on stage and to say he was nervous was an understatement. The actors who were playing the nurse and Lady Capulet seemed nice enough, and had some experience acting.

Philip seemed pleased enough with their performance and only commented on a few minor things throughout the run of the show. When they were done with their scene, Dan was pulled aside by a woman named Louise who needed to take his measurements and have him try on a few pieces of clothing. She led him through the halls of the theatre and into a room that was filled to the brim with various costumes and fabrics.

“I’m sorry it’s such a mess, dear. I’ve been a bit busy these days,” she hummed. “Can you step up onto that stool.”

She had long blonde hair and bags under her eyes. She looked exhausted and Dan wondered how many hours she spent at the theatre a day.

He stepped on the platform and she started measuring him with the tape measure that had been hanging on her shoulders. “You’re very nicely built, but I don’t think I have any previous outfits that would fit you. It’s a shame I’ll have to start this one from scratch,” she sighed. “Now to pick a colour!”

Her excitement was cut short by a knock on the door. “Mrs Pentland, may I come in?” A rough voice sounded from outside the door. Dan recognised the owner to be Philip and started to panic.

“Calm down, now,” she whispered to Dan before directing her answer to Philip. “Yes, come in sir.”

Philip let himself in and looked at Dan with a scrutinising gaze. “I was unaware you had company.”

“It’s no big deal, sir. Daniel and I were just deciding which colour dress he’d be wearing.”

“Ah, I believe you’ll make the right decision,” he said with a nod. He turned to Dan and stuck out his hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m Philip Lester the director and writer of this play, but you can call me Phil.”

Dan took his hand timidly and shook it. “My name is Daniel Howell, sir. I prefer Dan though.”

“Yes, my Juliet,” Phil stated, making Dan blush. “What got you into acting?”

“Ah, I've always been a fan of the art. My parents took me to a show when I was younger and it’s been my dream to star in one since then.”

“Sounds similar to how I got into theatre although I’m much too shy to be a performer. I’ve always had a knack for writing though. I guess it all worked out in the end.”

“Of course, sir. Someone with as much talent as you is destined to be famous.”

“Can I ask you why you choose to portray women? I know it’s an essential job within the theatre but I rarely meet men who are excited to portray the role,” Phil said, deflecting Dan’s comment.

“I’ve always enjoyed trying on my mother’s dresses and messing around with her makeup. It seems a bit odd, but I like to take advantage of it.”

“I don’t think it’s odd at all,” Phil said with a twinkle in his eye. “I personally believe normalness leads to sadness. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back before PJ does anything rash with the scene. I’ll see you on stage, Dan.”

He nodded to Louise and shut the door behind himself on his way out. “See, he isn’t as intimidating as he seems,” Louise chuckled, “Now which colour should we go for?”

——

Dan walked out of the room with a smile on his face and a little more confident now that he could imagine the dress he’d be wearing. He wondered if it’d be made of the same itchy material that the ones for his last production were. He would have liked to imagine that the dress would be made of silk but he didn’t know how much they put towards costumes here.

He was stuck in his own fantasy world when he bumped into someone. He immediately bent down to collect his things with a muttered sorry. A hand touched his and he looked up to see Phil staring back at him curiously. “You’re still here? It’s getting pretty late.”

Dan blushed. “Louise and I got caught up talking about the costumes.”

“Oh, do you have experience too?" Phil asked, handing Dan the things he had picked up.

They both stood up and started walking towards the entrance. They weren’t going nearly as fast as they could have, almost like they had mutually decided that they wanted to prolong their conversation.

“I’ve sewn some clothes before but besides that I don’t have any experience. It’s always been an interest of mine.”

Phil nodded. “I’m sure Louise appreciates the company. I worry she gets lonely sometimes.”

“She sounds like she’s important to you,” Dan hums.

“Ah, she’s a family friend, nothing more. She’s already happily married with two kids. I’m afraid our parents would force us to marry if she wasn’t.”

“Oh, so you're single?”

“Yes. I’ve always been dedicated to my work, and it leaves me little time to meet people. Besides, the women my parents set me up with are unbearable. I assume you’ve got someone. You’re young and handsome after all.”

“No, it’s just me,” Dan answered. If he was being honest, he’d never met a woman he was interested in. He found men more intriguing but he would never admit that. He would eventually be married off, and it was for the best. That was just how it was.

“Oh,” Phil stated, “I thought you’d have women lining up to marry you.”

“My family isn’t the best off,” Dan admitted. “My father owns a small shop but that’s our main source of income right now. I hope to change that with this job. After all, my brother is going to university soon.”

“Ah, university. Those were some of the best years of my life. I miss my professors sometimes. They were always my biggest supporters,” Phil mused.

“That sounds charming. I never got to go, not that I really wanted to anyways.”

“That’s interesting. You took a big risk, unless you have some sort of craft you’ve perfected.”

“My only skills are in business, and I don’t have anywhere near enough money to run my own. Besides, I’m happy with my job right now. I’ve already met some nice people.”

“The cast and crew are exceptionally kind though they can get rowdy, especially when they’re under the influence of alcohol.”

“A lot of men are,” Dan agreed.

They were nearing the main doors, and Dan was surprisingly disappointed for their conversation to end. Phil didn’t bore him to death like the others he’d conversed with, and they actually had a solid conversation.

Dan yawned, startling himself back into reality. “You should head home,” Phil stated. “I hope it’s not too long of a walk to your house. It is quite cold and I can’t have my Juliet getting sick.”

“I’ll make sure to bundle up,” he assured the older man. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Dan.”

——

Dan had been standing in the same spot for the past twenty minutes, and even though he was supposed to pretend that he was chatting with others, he was watching Phil direct Kit and the others around the stage.

Phil looked nothing like the shy, nervous version of himself that Dan’d met. On this stage, Phil looked like he was in his element. His voice was firm, and he commanded the attention of the actors around him.

Everyone was starting to look tired, as they were four hours into practice, and people weren’t putting as much effort into their lines. Phil was clearly starting to get annoyed, as his jaw was clenched and his unoccupied hand formed a fist.

He watched as PJ walked his way and waved him over. “What’s wrong, Dan?” PJ said. The exhaustion was clear in his voice, and he glared at Dan. Dan didn’t take offense, because if he was directing a play he’d probably be glaring daggers at everyone too.

“Phil seems to be getting angry, and everyone is exhausted. Do you think we could take a break? Just for everyone to relax a bit,” Dan pleaded.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, but I’ve got to see what Phil says.”

“Can you go ask him now?”

PJ nodded and walked over to where Phil was directed and pulled him aside. Dan watched as they interacted, and Phil’s jaw slowly relaxed. He nodded and called out for everyone to take a break.

Dan exited the stage and grabbed his water. It was nearing summer, and it was almost unbearable to work out in the heat. The canopy above the stage blocked out the harsh sun, but the humidity still hung in the air.

“Thanks for saving me.” Dan jumped and looked over to see Phil looking at him with a grin on his face.

“You looked like you were about to murder someone,” Dan stated.

“I might have if you hadn’t asked for a break. I don’t know how difficult it is to stay in a straight line, but the torchbearers could not stay behind each other. We all know that movement causes the audience to get distracted.”

Dan hummed in agreement. “It takes a lot of power not to fidget, but if they’ve been in previous productions then they should know better.”

“Well enough about them. What did you do after practice yesterday?” Phil asked.

“Ah, I just went home and practised my lines. I’ve found that there aren’t many things to do on the weekdays,” Dan explained.

“How about you and I go to the archery range? I try to practise from time to time, but I'm afraid I'm becoming a bit rusty,” Phil suggested.

“I’m not sure. I’ve barely touched my bow since I finished learning how to shoot,” Dan stated.

“Perfect!” Phil exclaimed. “That means we can be horrible together. Now what's your address? I would feel awful if I didn’t give you a ride.”

Dan was still unsure about going to the range with Phil. If he was being honest, he became quite fond of the eccentric playwright and he wasn’t sure if he could risk it. Phil was clearly not interested in men. It was a sin after all. Dan needed to put a stop to his growing crush on Phil, but he couldn't resist the pleading eyes the other man was sending his way. Sighing in defeat, Dan muttered his address to Phil and, with their plans arranged, Phil skipped off with a grin on his face.

____

When Phil had said he would give Dan a ride, Dan had been expecting a carriage, seeing as he was a famous playwright and could afford one. Instead, he was met with Phil and a single horse. He blinked at the scene in front of him, wondering if he was seeing things properly. There was no way Phil expected him to walk. After all, Phil had specifically offered him a ride.

Dan looked up at Phil with a blank expression and realised the man was talking, “much farther away from the theatre than you. Dan are you listening?”

“Yes, yes, of course.”

“Are you okay? You look a bit dazed.”

“I’m just wondering how I’m getting to the range,” Dan stated.

“Oh, you’ll have to ride behind me. You see my brother is borrowing Dante today so this is our only option,” Phil stated. “Unless you want to walk of course.”

Dan knew that Phil had meant the last part as a joke but he seriously considered it. He didn’t know how well he could handle being so close to Phil, especially with his crush on him. He decided that he couldn’t walk seeing as they were in a crowded city which meant the next range was more than a few miles away. “How do I get on then?” Dan stated as confidently as he could.

“Just stick your foot in the stirrup and hoist yourself up.”

Dan followed his instructions, and got up onto the horse. He tried to distance himself from Phil but it caught the attention of the other man. “What are you doing? You’ll fall off if you don’t hold on,” Phil laughed.

“Sorry,” Dan muttered, putting his arms around Phil’s middle.

Phil dug his heel into the horse’s side and it took off down the streets. Dan gripped onto Phil tighter, and watched as the scenery passed by them. He’d only ridden a horse once when he was younger, so to be high on top of one was quite intimidating. “Are you scared?” Phil shouted back.

“No.”

“Ok, Dan, I believe you, but can you let go a bit? You’re suffocating me.”

Dan blushed in embarrassment, loosening his grip. He didn’t mean to hold on so tight, but the speed of the horse had startled him. “Sorry.”

The rest of their ride proceeded with much less awkwardness, and a comfortable silence encompassed them.

When they arrived at the range there were very few people. It shouldn’t have surprised Dan seeing as it was the middle of the day and most men were at work. They went to find a target to practice on and finally settled on one that was positioned on the outskirts of the range.

Dan watched as Phil set his quiver of arrows down in the grass and fiddled with his bow. “Who’s going first?” Phil asked.

“Definitely you,” Dan answered.

“You’re really going to make me embarrass myself first?”

“I don’t want to be the first one to embarrass themselves.”

“Very well then.”

Phil picked up an arrow and positioned himself in front of the target. He stood for a moment, aiming to the best of his ability, and then he let go. The arrow whizzed across the range and hit the innermost white ring. “I thought you were out of practice!” Dan groaned.

Phil smiled. “I promise it’s just luck. Now it’s your turn.”

Phil stepped away and Dan took his place. He picked a bow out of his quiver and aimed at the target. His hands were shaking, and his pulse was racing so he knew he was going to do horribly. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Phil though, so he took a deep breath and hoped for the best before letting the arrow fly. When Dan looked up he saw the arrow lodged into the outermost ring.

Phil chuckled behind him and Dan spun around at him. “You can’t make fun of me. Unlike you, I was telling the truth when I said I was out of practice,” Dan huffed.

“What? Do you need a quick lesson from the master?” Phil cooed.

“I suppose I could use one,” Dan muttered.

When Dan agreed, he thought Phil would show him how to aim and shoot, but instead Phil came up behind him and handed Dan an arrow. He fit his hands over Dan’s and positioned the bow correctly.

Phil’s hands were slightly cold but his body radiated a comforting heat, and Dan felt warmer just from standing by the other man. Dan's heart was beating rapidly and he couldn’t stop thinking about how compromising the position that they were in was.

“Let go,” Phil whispered, breaking him from his thoughts.

Dan let go of the arrow and watched as the arrow launched into the innermost black ring. “See you've got it,” Phil muttered.

Suddenly realising they were still together, Dan blushed and pulled away to face Phil. “I’m still not as good as you are. Besides you did most of the work that time,” Dan huffed.

Phil grinned, “You’ll just have to keep practising.”

Phil picked up his bow again and quickly aimed the arrow at the target. Dan watched as it flew and hit into the yellow circle at the centre of the target. “Bullseye!” Phil exclaimed.

Dan rolled his eyes. His competitive side was finally coming out. “Ok, Philip. Let’s play ten rounds and whoever gets the most points wins.”

“What does the winner get?”

“I suppose the winner can pick a punishment for the loser.”

“It’s on then.”

——

Dan ended up winning. He was surprised he’d beaten Phil and his years of experience, but when he thought about it, Phil had given Dan a lot of tips during their match. Phil had definitely let him win. “Did you let me win?” Dan scoffed.

“Of course not, Daniel. You won fair and square,” Phil laughed. “You just have to believe in yourself.”

Dan still didn’t believe him, but he wasn’t going to question Phil anymore. “Now, since you’ve won, you have to pick a punishment for me.”

Dan thought about it for a second until his stomach grumbled. He assumed Phil could afford much better food than the stale biscuits and bitter coffee Dan had based his diet on. “I suppose you can buy me dinner. I am quite hungry,” Dan suggested.

“That’s not much of a punishment,” Phil commented

“No, but I’m starving right now so I’ll let it slide,” Dan hummed.

“Alright, I suppose I can treat you to dinner. Is there any specific place you’d like to go?” Phil stated, picking up his quiver.

“No, it’s your choice. I don’t eat out much,” Dan said following the other’s lead.

“Ah, are you a chef?”

“I wouldn’t say that, but I can cook a few meals.”

They walked back to their horse where Phil had put her in a stall. Phil led her out and gave her a few sugar cubes before using the stirrups to pull himself up on the horse. Dan followed suit and they were off again, heading back to the city.

——

Dan didn’t think Phil would take him somewhere fancy but, to his surprise, Phil did. There was a musician playing the piano softly on the stage with tables surrounding the raised platform. Candles decorated each table and customers sat in sharp suits and flowing dresses. “I don’t think we’re dressed well enough for this,” Dan whispered to Phil.

“Sure we are,” Phil stated. “Most of these people are on first dates anyway. They want to make a good impression.”

Dan blushed at the thought of it being a date. Sure he might have had a tiny crush on Phil, but nothing would come of that. Maybe if they were born in a more accepting time but in their day it wasn’t going to be accepted anytime soon.

“Right this way, sirs,” a waiter spoke.

Dan followed the man around the outskirts of the table and watched as they sat the menus down at a table. It was a bit secluded from the rest of the tables, and Dan instantly sighed in relief.

Phil sat across from him and picked up one of the menus so Dan copied him. The writing was riddled with flourishes and Dan couldn’t read it very well. His face heated up. He’d had an education, but it wasn’t one of the best. His parents couldn’t afford to send him off to a fancy private school like the other boys his age.

“What do you recommend?” Dan asked Phil.

“I usually get the chicken, but the lamb is also quite good.”

Dan nodded. “Lamb sounds nice.”

“Yes, the chefs here make the best in the city.”

They sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company and the soft melody from the piano, until the waiter came back. They placed their orders and at the end Phil spoke up. “Do you drink?”

“Occasionally,” Dan remarked, “but if you're drinking, I’ll drink with you.”

Phil nodded. “We’ll have two glasses of your best wine then.”

——

They might have had more than just a glass each, and maybe Dan was having a hard time controlling his stupid limbs, but that wasn’t anyone else's business was it? He was using all of his energy not to trip, but it was bound to happen. He never drank so he wasn’t surprised that he was such a lightweight. He didn’t regret it though. He’d had a wonderful night, and it was nice to be free from his nerves for once.

Unlike Dan, Phil wasn’t drunk. At least he didn’t seem to be. He’d had a glass more than Dan but he was perfectly composed and Dan wasn’t sure if it was impressive or not.

Phil was leading him out of the restaurant with his hand clasped firmly onto Dan’s shoulder. They made their way to where the horse was being kept in a small set of stables behind the building. A nice man led the horse out, and Dan looked at it warily. “Do you think you can get up?” Phil asked.

Dan's face flushed red. He definitely could not climb the horse drunk. After all, he could barely climb it sober. “If you can't, don’t attempt it. I need my Juliet to have fully functioning limbs for the play.”

“Then I guess I won’t be getting on the horse,” Dan muttered.

“We can walk then,” Phil stated.

“No that isn’t fair. I can walk home from here and you can ride back to your house.”

“You’re far too drunk to walk home alone. You’d definitely get robbed. I’ll walk you home.”

“What about the horse?”

“She’ll follow us.”

Dan nodded and followed Phil down the road. They were only a few blocks from his house so it wouldn’t take long for them to get there, but Dan still felt guilty for making Phil walk.

They chatted about the play, their holiday plans, and a variety of other things. Dan learned more about Phil’s family which was made up of his mother, father, and his brother, Martyn, as well as his sister in law, Cornelia. Phil seemed to have a strong bond with his family, and, unlike Dan’s parents, his seemed to be supportive of his career.

After around ten minutes they finally stopped in front of Dan’s door. Dan blushed thinking about the times he’d been in this position with the girls he’d courted. He remembered his manners and thanked Phil. “Dinner was delicious. I hope we can hang out again sometime soon.”

“It was my pleasure. After all, I lost our bet.”

“I still don’t understand how that happened,” Dan laughed.

“I told you I was a bit rusty.”

“Yes but your first few shots were amazing.”

Phil shrugged. “I guess it was luck.”

There was a lapse in conversation then, and Dan wasn’t intent on leaving Phil just yet. He must have been more drunk than he originally thought because the next thing he knew he was kissing Phil.

Dan pulled away quickly when he realised what he was doing. He was blushing fiercely and he was internally groaning at his stupidity. He’d risked both of their safety and made a fool of himself. He was likely going to get cut from the cast if not worse.

“I’m going to go in now,” Dan muttered. “Goodbye.”

Dan rushed inside and slammed the door leaving Phil to stare blankly at the spot where Dan had disappeared from.

——

When Dad woke up the next morning he had an awful hangover and an even worse memory of the night before. He didn’t feel like getting himself out of bed but he somehow managed to get himself up. He dragged himself to his wardrobe and threw some clothing on before leaving the house and walking to the coffee place he frequented.

When he stepped in the door he immediately shrank into himself. Sitting at one of the tables was Phil with a newspaper in his hand and a cup of coffee in front of him.

Dan almost snuck out of the coffee shop successfully but then Phil made eye contact with him. Dan had no choice but to stay at the shop. He hoped if he acted normal then Phil would forget everything that happened.

He walked toward the counter and ordered a coffee. When it was done he sat at his normal table in the corner of the room. For a few minutes, Dan watched the people passing outside before he heard a chair scrape across from him. “Morning,” Phil stated, sitting down across from Dan.

“Good morning,” Dan muttered.

“Would you like to talk about last night?”

Dan stared at Phil in surprise. He didn’t think Phil was a very blunt person but he guessed there was no beating around the bush when it came to the kiss.

“I want to apologise-" Dan started.

“No I’m not mad.”

“What?”

“I thought you would catch on eventually but I guess you didn’t.”

“What are you saying?”

“I like you Dan. I know it’s wrong but I don’t think you’re going to judge me.”

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

“You are a bit dense.”

“I am not.”

“Ok, Daniel.”

“Can I ask what made you wait?”

“I had to make sure you weren’t a homophobe. After all, we don’t live in the most accepting age.”

Dan nodded. He wasn’t surprised that Phil was hesitant because of the world they lived in. Honestly, this was a fairy tale come true, but then again, there would never be a fairy tale about two men.

“What do you want to do then?” Dan asked.

“Well I think I’d like to take you on a date.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

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hollenka99 · 3 years

Text

2020, According To My Tumblr Archive

January

Like many, freaked out about the Dhawan!Master reveal

Unus Annus reached 2 million subs

Ethan finally saw his sub count reach 1 million

Reblogged the elf pussy post with a version of the elf practice meme and now every time I see that meme, I think of that post

Finally made my Dyspraxic!Chase post

Fleshed out Creator!Jackie a little in terms of Nyesha (his girlfriend) and his prosthetics

February

Got really into Take Me or Leave Me for a short while which led to me watching RENT for the first time

Finally made that follow up to A Talk With The Creator I’d been meaning to write for months (aka A Day Long Overdue)

Started posting Unus Annus trigger warnings for a few weeks after the video where they demonstrate how they’d kill each other as a joke

Reached the 100 follower milestone after nearly 4 years on this site

Got very into WTNV again and binged like 60+ episodes in the space of 2 or so weeks

March

Watched Starkid’s Black Friday

Posted The Doctor on the anniversary of The Friend’s posting

Made some posts about the women of TLoJJ for International Women’s Day

Bupine received an anon ask teasing her about a typo which is common in our friendship group. Usual suspects were accused until the true culprit revealed themself via an acrostic (aka me being extra and I loved every second of it)

Went to the cat cafe in Nottingham

Made sure people were aware of World Puppetry Day by sending anon asks to people I thought might get a kick out of it

Posted Fighting Stolen Breaths

Steven Universe Future ended

Having been in the beginning stages of creation since ~Oct 2019, Jumbled AU content starts appearing

April

Spent the 1st doing an ask event for the Jumbled AU as a way of properly introducing it

Confused a bunch of people outside the Jacksepticeye community when I made a post saying how great it was that $400k had been raised in 2.5 hours during the HopeFromHome stream

Posted The Vlogger for Chase’s birthday

Got hyped to write a Śmigus Dyngus fic featuring Jumbled!Chase and his kids but got sick (regular illness, don’t worry) and therefore never finished it

Norbert Moses existed for 24 hours but he will exist much longer in our hearts

Managed to stay up to see 4:20am on April 20th

Posted the prologue and officially began the story of Jumbled

Watched Ghost for the first time

May

Fanders finally got the continuation of Selfishness vs Selflessness (Putting Others First aka SvS Redux) and learned Deceit’s name

Started talking about The Fall of Naesia

Pretty sure I hyperfixated on Queen for a week or so

Got introduced to ‘Storp Chorleigh, this game has gorn on lawng enuff’ and my life has significantly improved

CumGate happened

Got into ATLA

Black Lives Matter

Created the ‘it’s gonna be gay’ post that would destroy my inbox for the next few days

Had my first experience behind a wheel

June

Posted Flag, the response to which has made me proud of it

Poland scares and disappoints me part 1 (queer rights edition)

Sean posts another blooper video which causes me to make edits that subsequently inspire me to write Little Interruptions

Created an entire mythology purely because I thought a winged humanoid/merperson pairing was a cool concept

Reminded my friends why I should never be allowed to stay up until 4am because I just start talking nonsense

July

Finally watched An Inspector Calls and immediately wanted to make a Sanders Sides au with it.

Started talking about Creator again

Had another ask event to celebrate Jackie’s birthday

Also posted Photographs for his birthday which I love

Reached 150 followers around the middle of this month, I think

Discovered Kipo but wouldn’t fall for it head over heels with it for another month

One Direction celebrated their 10th anniversary and I was possessed by my 15 year old self for a week

Posted The Mediary which properly brought Creator AU back to my blog for a short while

August

Eddsworld came back after years

Posted The Creator and officially completed the main part of the au

Poland scares and disappoints me part 2 (queer rights edition continued)

Finally revealed Jumbled Anti’s identity to the world and got threatened on my birthday because of it

Discovered the Unus Annus video I’d been waiting all year for would be centered around them chewing on dog toys but it did feature “I’m the Unus to your Annus” so that was cool

Binged the first 2 seasons of Kipo in like a day and correctly predicted the Mega Monkey’s identity ages with very little foreshadowing to go off of

September

Started showing my love for Puppet History

Among Us was a thing

Got back into Playchoices

BBC Ghosts came back for series 2

Watched Pride twice in 24 hours and made sure everyone knew I’m heart eyes for it

October

Trump got sick

Family friend took one of my teeth

The world was blessed with Patton in a dress

Replayed Septiscape ahead of Soulscape’s release and liveblogged it

C!Thomas got a love interest and I’m really happy for him

Kipo season 3 came out

Literally the next day, the Dream SMP brainrot officially began

Discovered Thanzag existed and fell for the angsty side of their relationship despite knowing barely anything about the game

Poland scares and disappoints me part 3 (abortion edition)

Started bingeing The Magnus Archives and got through 150 episodes in about 2 weeks

Halloween was an eventful night for both the Jacksepticeye and Unus Annus communities

November

Unus Annus began its epilogue period

Watched V For Vendetta for the first time which was probably the least eventful thing to happen on the night of November 5th 2020

Destiel became somewhat canon and people found out Putin was thinking of resigning because of that

US elections

Unus Annus died following a 12 hour livestream

Somehow, my mad attempt to summarise every video of Unus Annus kinda paid off

Supernatural trended again because of its finale

Went through a period of questioning whether I’m asexual but settled on ‘sex ambivalent allosexual’ for now

Destiel became canon again but reciprocated and Spanish this time

Discovered Webtoon and Castle Swimmer

December

The monolith saga began

Elliot Page came out as trans

Mark went to hospital for an obstruction again and the community became very invested in his recovery process

Scotch eggs with your drinks became a brief meme over here in Britain

Your New Boyfriend was released

Destiel’s canon status was brought back to the spotlight once more

Watched The Godfather for the first time

Reached 200 followers

We got somewhat of a Dan and Phil video after so long with Phil trying on clothes while Dan reacts behind the camera

BBC Ghosts came back for Christmas to say Tories suck and you should make the most of your time with your family

Got into Mother Mother after Wilbur played the intro to Hayloft and I decided to see what the fuss was about

Watched Bridgerton and immediately felt the need to write something historical

The Mishapocalypse returned

#holly talks #2020 #year in review

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kneebleed · 4 years

Text

Achillea Millefolium

Summary: Delicate yellow yarrows printed in their skin, preparing themselves to glow in the years to come; falling more every day that pass, this is them about to commit to the eternity and beyond.

Word count: 2784

Note: Hi! So here's my entry to the @phandomreversebang of this year. This is the first time that I participate in one of this, and I enjoyed my time doing so. Special thanks to @microoowave for being an amazing beta and pointing out the mistakes that I was doing (that were a lot), and to @jorzuela as well that did an awesome piece of art that you guys should check out.

AO3

PS: Please go to check out this post.

In all honesty, the flower of their wedding day has to be yarrows. Those flowers mean the world to them. They represent them in a way that no other flower could. Love, those flowers represent their love, and a flower with a meaning that's so beautiful and perfect can make the planning of everything so much easier.

Well, it kinda does.

"Look, it doesn't matter how much we want to decorate everything with yellow yarrows, we can't do that, Phil."

"But why not? The flower represents us, look at this," Phil unbuttoned his shirt to show Dan the flower that bloomed on his skin the moment that they met, "See? You have that one too, here," then he proceeded to put his hand under Dan's t-shirt to touch the exact place where the flowers were at.

"I know, but it will be boring if we do that," he took Phil by the hips to embrace him and play with his hair, "there's plenty of flowers that we could use too."

"Our flower won't glow as it deserves," Phil looked at Dan's chocolate eyes and saw that pure love that he always had expressed during those years that they have been together. And with that look into his lover's eyes, he knew that he had lost the battle already.

"It will, I promise," Dan kissed Phil's forehead then, and yeah, Phil gave up entirely into his arms.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

The first time that they met, Phil was searching for a composer. He was writing a musical; he had the actors, the scenography, but he didn't have the perfect music for all the acts. And then, he found Dan.

The way that they found the other was funny; it was in the street, Phil was going to the theatre and Dan was going there too. They ran into one another at the door of the building and they had a debate of who was going in first.

Phil then told him that he needed a composer and Dan said that he played the piano, and since Phil was feeling something in the bottom of his belly, he asked Dan if he knew how to compose music too.

Then, they touched the other's hand by accident, and that was when the yellow yarrows that are now on their chest bloomed.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

"Red roses," Phil said when they were watching a movie together that night.

"What?" Dan asked in confusion by the words that left his fiancé's lips out of the sudden.

"The flowers," Dan made a face, Phil chuckled in response, maybe his phrasing wasn't clear enough, "For our wedding, I mean. We could use red roses too."

Dan felt something in his chest, a wave of love spreading all over his body. He knew why Phil wanted those roses at their wedding. The red roses became one of the most important things in their relationship a few months after they met.

"Yes, red roses are perfect."

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Seven months after their first encounter, Dan and Phil were planning to have a date. It wasn't their first one, but for some reason, Phil felt extremely nervous about it; he was planning to say the words, but he didn't know how to phrase it, and then an idea crossed his mind.

The majority of the people that lived in their world knew the significance of the different types of flowers; every single one of them had a different meaning, some of them were similar to one another, but they were never the same. The yellow yarrows that were printed by the universe in Phil's skin meant love, but there were plenty of other flowers that meant the same but different at the same time. And Phil wanted to say the three words to him, so he thought about flowers that meant that.

He bought a single flower at the store that was close to his house, smiling at it every time that the flower was in his eyesight. He hoped that Dan knew the meaning of the flower that he bought for him.

They met at a restaurant that serves that wine that they both enjoy, and the first thing that Phil did when they saw each other, was giving Dan that flower that he carried on his way towards the restaurant

"Why?" was Dan’s response.

"I don't know, search for the meaning and we will see."

"Ominous."

"It's not."

Later that night, when they were at their respective houses, Dan called Phil, and instead of hello, he went to the point straight away.

"I red rose you too."

I love you.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

They were making a list of the flowers that they wanted to have at their wedding. They wrote down the words "yellow yarrows" in big letters that Phil coloured, they wrote "red roses" too; they added "gardenias", "hydrangeas", "chrysanthemums" and "peonies" as well.

"This wedding will be so colourful that I will have to close my eyes every time I enter our house afterwards."

"So edgy."

"It's not that, I just enjoy minimalistic stuff."

"Our suits are minimalistic."

"I can live with that, I think," he kissed Phil's hair, and both of them smiled brightly.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Most of the couples around the world told everyone about the flowers that bloomed in their skin, but Dan and Phil didn't tell anyone about them. It wasn't because they didn't have friends or family that wanted to know, they just thought that their flower was something private; the flowers on their skin were something personal for them, somehow.

Besides, they didn't meet each other's parents until a year into their relationship; their families knew that they found each other, yes, but there wasn't enough time in their schedules for them to meet properly. Phil's parents called at least once per week to know when they were going to visit, and Dan's parents called sometimes to ask if they were engaged already or not.

(At that time they weren't, but Dan's parents always made them nervous when they asked; Dan and Phil have talked about it, and both of them were waiting for the right moment to ask the other, the thing here was that they didn't know who was going to ask the other first. It was like a secret competition between them).

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

"Child! I haven't heard from you for a long time!"

"Sorry, mum, things have been busy for a while."

"I can understand that, with the wedding plans and everything..."

"I should have called earlier, though."

"Don't worry, my child," Phil felt how his mum smiled at the other side of the line. "how's everything going with the wedding plans?"

Phil looked out the window and saw Dan watering some plants while he was calling the flower shop; Phil could see a little bit of the permanent flower tattoo that was on Dan's skin due to the exposing shirt that he was wearing (Phil loved that shirt so much), and Phil felt a wave of love spread through his whole body.

He loved that man so much.

"Yeah, we choose the flowers for it yesterday.”

"Oh, that's wonderful! Will I know about what's your soulmate mark, then?"

"You guys have to figure it out."

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

When Dan met Phil's parents, he experienced something that he couldn't explain; they welcomed him with open arms and warm smiles, and Dan felt like he belonged there. The Lesters were the best people that he could have ever met in his whole life, and honestly, he regrets not making at least a little bit of space on his schedule to meet them earlier.

Phil's experience wasn't much different, besides the fact that he was scared to hear Dan's mom ask if he asked the big question to Dan yet. (She did that, in fact)

After those meetings, they realised why they wanted to be with the other forever, even ignoring the fact that they were actual soulmates.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

In all of those years that they have been together, Phil can't stop feeling waves of love running through his system every time that he landed his eyes on Dan. Just looking at him doing nothing can make him feel mesmerised with his presence. But even with that thing on his mind, he's unable to sit down and write his vows.

There's so much that he wants to say about Daniel Howell; how his chestnut hair glows under the sunlight, how his rosy cheeks are the cutest thing that he's ever seen and so many other stuff. He feels like some of the things that he loves the most about Dan are things that the world hasn't seen yet, and Phil doesn't feel prepared for that.

They built their relationship around privacy, and sharing certain things about their life as a couple doesn't feel right to Phil. He wants to keep all those cute yawns and stolen smiles for himself, but those things are the type of stuff that he would write down for his vows in the first place.

Phil feels trapped in a dictionary of different synonyms of the name "Dan", and all those words are things that he whispered into Dan's ear when they were cuddling or doing other things. He isn't sure about what to do with his vows and he doesn't want to ask Dan about what his vows say.

Maybe he could say what he said the day that he proposed to Dan, but more elaborated and smart.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

When they became fiancés, both of them felt like they were swimming in an infinite pool of happiness. It started when Phil knelt at the same time that Dan did. Both of them cried that evening, they couldn't believe that they were that type of couple.

"I wanted to do it, I hate you," said Dan while he was wiping his tears away.

"Then ask, I'm waiting."

"No, you do it."

"Okay then," Phil opened the box, revealing the delicate silver ring that it was keeping safe. "Daniel Howell, I know that in this universe that we are living, when two people are destined to be together is crystal clear, but I'm sure that even without those tattoos, I'd love you anyway; will you marry me?"

"Yes, always."

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Phil called the wedding venue since Dan was the one who called the flower shop. They decided that June 1st was a good date for the wedding, it's a good month and it's in spring, and since their wedding is going to be filled with flowers, it seems like it's the perfect time for them.

Phil felt nervous, which was something completely understandable, though. Having to call the venue where your wedding is going to be celebrated in a few weeks is something that is beyond imagination; everyone can imagine how their wedding is going to be. After all, having to decide what colour scheme the wedding itself is going to be something simple, but making the calls to contact the people that are going to work at your wedding is thrilling enough to make anyone respond in the same way that Phil is doing.

At least he can stay calm thanks to the hand that's holding his.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

When the musical that Phil wrote was at the display, he and Dan discovered how powerful a simple touch can be. Phil was shaking from head to toe when the play started, and the only useful thing that Dan found himself able to do was holding Phil's hand; it worked.

Phil was still shaking, yes, but he wasn't feeling that nervous knowing that Dan was right next to him. He wasn't going to leave him for anything else in the world. It didn't matter if Phil's musical wasn't successful, at the end of the day, he has a Dan, and he doesn't need anything besides him.

Their souls promised to never let go a long time ago, and they have plans on keeping that promise for eternity.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Tasting the food and choosing the flavour of the cake was something fun, Phil liked the experience of it all. They even tasted vegan things. Phil was having a great time experiencing different flavours that he didn't even imagine could taste good together at all.

"Of course you're having a great time, how could you not?" it seemed like Dan wasn't surprised by Phil's remark at all.

"You are having a good time too, I can see it in your eyes," he touched Dan's nose, who made a cute face back.

"Maybe I am having a good time, who knows?" Dan smiled at Phil and kissed him.

"I love you."

"To the moon and back a hundred times."

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Trust. That was also something that has been playing a big part in their relationship. Being able to open up to each other and learn how the other was feeling was something that took a long time for them to work on, but when they did the bond that they were forming became even stronger than before.

At first, both of them were worried that they would lose the other. Because that was a possibility. If you don't put work in your relationship with your soulmate, you could lose them and live the rest of your life without them, and they didn't want that.

Thankfully, none of that happened, and now they can live happily ever after.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Phil regrets suggesting to not see the other the day before the wedding. It was an awful idea and he can't comprehend why Dan accepted it in the first place. They haven't been apart from each other for almost 3 years now, Phil couldn't remember what sleeping without Dan by his side was like and now he's forcing himself to do that on purpose.

He wants to take a bus to where Dan is staying and run away with him anywhere in the world, but he can't do that since Dan didn't tell him where he was staying, and he didn't let Phil tell him where he was staying either. Phil doesn't have another option besides being patient and wait until tomorrow to hear anything from Dan again.

Or maybe he doesn't have to wait anymore since Dan was calling him at that very moment.

"I can't handle this anymore, tell me where you are," Phil let out the loudest laugh that he ever had, "Hey, don't laugh at me, I'm suffering."

"I know, but you sound so desperate, calm down."

"As if you're not."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Phil..."

"Okay, maybe a little, but don't tell anyone that I said that."

"Your secret is safe with me."

They kept talking for hours until Phil said that he wanted to sleep soon so when he woke up it's already the big day, and when those words left Phil's mouth, Dan felt like he loved the man on the other line even more than he did yesterday.

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

Being around the other for such a long time made them realise little things that made them more fond of the other as if that was something even possible. But they managed to fall in love with the other every day for years, and they will keep doing that in the future.

"If I wasn't your destiny, would you love me anyway?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't love you because you're my destiny or whatever, I love you because you are you. And yeah, I cannot deny that maybe destiny was what brought us together, but something tells me that even if we weren't living in this universe, I could always find you."

✦---------------|•❁•|---------------✦

And finally, the big day arrived.

They bought tuxedos that had yellow yarrows printed on them and they adorned their hairs with yellow yarrows as well. Phil loved how they made Dan's hair even more perfect under the sun.

They walked alongside the other towards the altar; they refused to follow another stupid tradition except for one that they followed the day before. Besides, who needed to be carried to the altar anyway?

They read their respective vows; both promised to stay and share their life with the other. They used different words, but the meaning was just the same. Phil cried when Dan read his vows and Dan did too when Phil read his. The love that they expressed to the other was clear as the water itself; feeling emotional was something inevitable, Dan and Phil could tell, after all, they saw both of their parents cry as well.

We will be together in all the lives after and before this one, I promise.

#phan #phandom #phanfiction #my phanfic #phan fluff #fluff #wedding #phandom reverse bang

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long-bodyswap · 5 years

Text

Switch

by Dirk Steel ([email protected])

I was working out at the gym like I did every Thursday night. But this night seemed a bit odd. Barely anyone else was here. Mr. Asito, the night janitor was doing his usual duties. Kathy, the desk clerk, was signing out and heading for home. Dan, Phil and Ted were talking about getting some action at the local bar as they went out the door.Of course Doug and Matt were still here. Being the personal trainers for the gym, they were always working out. Doug was an incredible specimen. He looked a lot like Marcus Reinhardt, the professional bodybuilder, but even taller. At six-foot-two he was a sight to behold. Blond hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders, thick square chest, narrow waist, huge quads and calves. He looked just like a Nordic god. Matt, on the other hand, looked like the all-American football jock. Five-foot-ten, 220 lbs. of pure muscle. Wavy black hair, jet black eyes, bushy eyebrows, Roman nose, square jaw and high cheek bones, a chiseled six-pack, beefy forearms and 19-inch biceps. His shoulders were so well defined; he looked like he was wearing shoulder pads.It took all of my strength not to stare at Matt while I worked out. In my mind he was the "perfect" man. He just oozed masculinity. His voice was at least an octave lower than mine. Unfortunately, he made it perfectly clear to everyone that he was all man, and 100% straight. I had even hired him to help me train a few months ago, but he seemed to sense that I had more in mind than just training, and asked Doug to help me instead.Doug was a different story.

Quiet and sensitive, I had a feeling there was more there than met the eye. There were rumors around the gym that Doug had a thing for Matt, but no one ever had enough nerve to ask Doug if it were true. Matt was always trying to set up Doug with a variety of women. But Doug never seemed to take an interest. A couple of times while changing clothes, I noticed Doug looking over Matt's body a little longer than a straight guy would. My "gaydar" was definitely going off.Doug called over to me and asked if I needed any help. I said "Sure, thanks". Matt rolled his eyes and went off to run on the treadmill. "Looks like you've been putting on some muscle, David.", Doug said. I smiled knowing that my gains had been minimal at best and that Doug was just being kind. "Yeah, I think you'll be ready for competition in no time." Now I started laughing. "Sure, I'm a 6-foot-one, 170 lb. walking Greek statue". I said with a smirk. "Don't be so hard on yourself...", Doug said, "we all can't look like Matt". "If only that were possible.", I said. "Well if it were possible, I'd have a lot better luck with Matt than I'm having now." I'm sure I must have had a shocked look on my face when I looked over at Doug. I couldn't believe he was being so open and honest. "Listen David, I know you're gay. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. I just thought it would be nice to have a gay friend I could confide in. I always have to pretend to be the straight jock when I'm working out with Matt."

I didn't know what to say except, "Thanks." Doug continued, "I know you've got a thing for bodybuilders. I've noticed you checking Matt and me out on a number of occasions. I've always been flattered by it. I had wished that I felt the same way about you, but I have the same desire for bodybuilders that you have. I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from." "I do, Doug. I could tell just by the way you look at Matt." "Matt? That's a whole other story there. I don't know what's going on with Matt. Ya know, I'm going to take a walk around the block. I've got a lot of things to think about. If you see Matt tell him I should be back in about 20 minutes. Thanks, David. You're a real friend". Doug kissed me on the cheek and left for his walk. I felt a real attraction to Doug, but knew that nothing could ever happen between us.While I was working out on the ab crunch machine, I was watching Mr. Asito vacuuming around the various pieces of equipment. He had a big smile on his face. I wondered why he seemed so happy doing such a menial chore. Just then he turned to me and said "A job well done is a job worth doing. It gives one a feeling of pride." It was almost as if he were answering the question I was thinking about. Then I remembered hearing stories about how Mr. Asito was into mystical things like potions, spells and even magic idols. I figured it was just a joke based on Mr. Asito's age and Asian background. "It is no joke, David.", he said. "How did you..." I started to ask, but he interrupted, "There are unexplainable forces that man cannot fathom, but can be used if one learns the old teachings." I smiled back and humored him by saying "I'm sure there are." He knew I really wasn't taking him seriously, smiled, and went back to vacuuming.

I went back to doing my crunches, understanding how all of those stories about him got started. Suddenly I heard a loud clanking sound behind me. Mr. Asito had accidentally hooked the vacuum cord around the weight tower and now it was beginning to rock back and forth. I jumped up from the ab machine and ran toward the weight tower hoping I could stop the rocking. But it was too late. The tower started falling towards him. I pushed him out of the way just as the weights fell to the ground with a loud crash."Are you ok?" "I'm fine, David. No harm done.", he said as he slowly got up off the floor. "You scared me half to death. It looked like you were right in the path of those weights." "Thank goodness you were nearby. The outcome could have been different." "I'm just glad you didn't get hurt." "Now, maybe there is something I can do for you?" With that he put his fingers from both hands around my face. I started to move backwards but felt compelled to stand still. He looked deeply in my eyes, as if he were looking right through me. I felt a chill run up my spine. "You have desires that are beyond the reality of this world.", he spoke in a trance-like state. "The one you wish to be, also wishes the same of you. Sometimes those who live their lives a certain way really long to be free of playing the role they feel they were forced to portray." His hands dropped from my face and the trance was broken. "Sometimes the impossible is possible... as you will see." Mr. Asito winked at me, turned and left the room.I stood there wondering what had just happened. It all seemed like some sort of weird dream. "You have desires that are beyond the reality of this world." How did he know about my desires? I've never shared my desires with anyone. I decided that Mr. Asito was just a kooky old man that liked putting on a show. That was a lot easier than believing all of that crazy mumbo-jumbo.I went back to my workout as if nothing had happened, all the while feeling that something strange had just taken place. After finishing my circuit training, I heading for the locker rooms. Matt walked in just as got to my locker. "What was that loud bang I heard?" "The weight tower almost crushed Mr. Asito.", I replied. "What were you doing messing with weights that heavy? You've got to be in shape to handle that kind of weight.", Matt said snidely. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks." "I didn't think guys like you were interested in getting big like me." "More than you think, Matt." Matt flexed his right arm into a bicep pose. He rubbed the peak of the bicep with his left hand, caressing it as though he was getting turned on by his own fondling. He knew how much I was enjoying the performance. I tried to act like I wasn't impressed, concentrating on the task at hand... not getting an erection. It wasn't working. I could feel my dick swelling in my pants.

Matt saw what was happening. "What's going on down there? I think your dick is confused. It must think I'm one of those Baywatch babes. You might want to have a talk with it -- God, I don't even know why they let queers like you workout here! Shouldn't you be at some sort of bathhouse, sucking some guy's cock?", he sneered then turned away. "Ya know Matt, contrary to what most people think, most gay people don't go to bathhouses." "Whatever.", he said coldly.Matt opened up his locker. "What the hell is this?" He reached into his locker and pulled out a black ring. "What's this doing in here?" He looked over at me. "Is this from you?!" "No, Matt. Of course it's not from me." "I wonder who put this in my locker?" He looked at it closely. It appeared to be made of black onyx. It was square on top, with a recessed square in the middle. It had some foreign writing around each side. "Weird", is all Matt could muster. He decided to slip the ring on his index finger. "It fits like a glove, and looks pretty cool. I'll have to find out if Kathy bought it for me." "Kathy the desk clerk?" "Yeah, Kathy the desk clerk! Who did you think I meant?" "Nobody." I knew that Kathy wouldn't have given Matt the time of day, let alone an onyx ring. She had told me on a number of occasions how put off she was by Matt's egotistical personality. In fact, I couldn't think of any woman at the gym that seemed to like Matt.I took off my t-shirt and opened my locker. There sitting front and center was a black onyx ring, just like Matt's. I picked it up and examined it. It had the same kind of writing, but instead of a recessed square, the square was sticking out of the larger square base by about a quarter-of-an-inch. "Look what I found?", I said as I slipped it on my finger. "What the fuck?! Where did you get that?" "Same place as you. In my locker -- I guess that rules out Kathy." "Are you sure you didn't buy these as engagement rings, hoping I might come around?", Matt smiled smugly. "I don't think so, Matt."He walked over to compare the two rings. They looked identical except for the tops. "This is so strange", Matt said, "they look like the same ring. It almost looks like your ring will plug into mine." Matt was right, it looked like the post on the top of my ring would fit into the hole in Matt's ring.

Curious, Matt reached over and snapped his ring into mine.Both rings started to glow. Matt pulled away, but the rings wouldn't come apart. The lights in the locker room started to dim. Then a cold breeze began to swirl around us. We both stared at each other with frightened looks on our faces. The rings glowed brighter and brighter. The glow started moving up our arms. A sudden jolt of electricity went through our bodies. Both Matt and I went rigid from the wave of energy passing through us. I felt like I was burning up. I could see that Matt was experiencing the same thing. Then, suddenly, the rings separated from each other. We were both beginning to sweat. Matt looked relieved and started to back up, but realized that he couldn't move his legs. I tried to lift my legs and was also unable to move from my spot. The rings started glowing brightly again and Matt doubled-over in pain. I tried to reach for Matt when I felt an extreme cramping of my stomach muscles. I grabbed my stomach, and clinched my teeth from the intense pain. I could feel something happening under my hands as a held my stomach. The muscles felt like they were getting tighter and tighter. The layer of fat that was there burned away, and muscles started forming right underneath my skin. I could actually feel a washboard stomach growing right under my hands. My abs were now hard as a rock. Finally the pain subsided. I stood up straight and immediately noticed Matt. His stomach had lost most of its definition. It was almost smooth... just like my stomach used to be. Then I looked in the mirror, just to the right of Matt, and noticed how developed my abs had become. It looked like I had been doing sit-ups for years. I reached down and slowly ran my hands across my stomach and felt every ridge and crevice. It seemed like I was having some sort of out-of-body experience.The rings started to glow again, and soon our entire bodies were glowing with energy. Matt had a strange look on his face.

Then I noticed what was happening to him. He was starting to change. His chest was slowly caving in. It was losing its thickness. His arms were getting smaller. His lats were narrowing. His thighs were becoming less defined. His calves were shrinking. His tight waist was starting to widen and his shoulders were slowly deflating before my eyes."David, what's happening to me?!", Matt yelled in a voice that didn't sound as deep as usual. "I'm not sure, but I think I have an idea!" I saw Matt getting thinner and taller. Then I realized that not only was Matt growing, but I was starting to shrink. I felt a sudden rush of energy fill my chest. My chest was getting heavier. I could feel it becoming engorged with blood. I looked down and saw it expanding, getting wider and deeper. My nipples were growing, moving out and down to the sides. I could see muscle fibers appearing under my skin. I moved my hands over my chest and felt how thick and hard it was becoming. I touched my larger nipples and a shudder went through me, down to my crotch. Then my arms started to get heavy and they dropped to my sides. My biceps started swelling up, as if something was filling them with blood and muscle from the inside. I could feel my triceps growing, getting heavier. My forearms were becoming thicker and wider. My right arm involuntarily swung up into a bicep curl. It felt like I had a hard baseball buried under my skin. Thick veins started snaking down my biceps. More veins appeared down the inside of my forearms.

My hands were becoming thicker, longer, more rugged looking. Fine black hair was forming on my forearms and legs. Then my arms started moving out from my sides. My lats were growing. They were filling in, getting thicker and wider. My legs started to cramp up on me. I grabbed my calves and felt them growing under my hands. In a matter of seconds they had grown to over twice their original size. My quads and hamstrings were tightening, becoming thicker and more defined. Striations appeared when I flexed my thigh. I could see all of the muscle groups separating. My glutes started burning. I reached behind me and felt that they were getting smaller, tighter and more round... it was very erotic, feeling my own sexy bubble butt forming under my hands.I looked over at Matt.

He didn't look like Matt anymore. He had lost a lot of muscle mass. He was taller and thinner. His face was less angular. His square jaw was rounder. His jet black eyes looked dark brown. He looked a lot like... me. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that we looked almost like identical twins. We were both very well built, ruggedly handsome looking men. Just then a funny thought had crossed my mind. I imagined that if it were possible for Matt and I to conceive a child, he would have grown up to look exactly like we did at that moment. But then ten or fifteen seconds had passed and I actually started to look more like Matt than he did. Matt realized what was happening.

"You're becoming me! Why is this happening?!" "I don't know Matt...", I said in a voice that sounded more like his than mine, "just hold on if you can, I think it's almost over." Matt tried to pull his ring off, but it wouldn't budge. Matt continued to grow thinner and taller. His face was slowly changing into mine. His eyes changed into a lighter brown. His hair went from dark brown to sandy blonde, curly to straight. His high cheekbones moved down his face, and became less angular. I saw the anchor tattoo on his right shoulder slowly fade away then reappear on my shoulder. Then I saw my old appendix scar gradually appeared on his body. I glanced down at my stomach and saw that it was gone.I continued to get bigger and more muscular. I felt my rib cage growing and stretching, making more room for my expanding chest. I could hear my bones shifting, cracking, repositioning themselves.

With every breath I took, I could feel my frame growing wider and thicker. I looked in the mirror and saw my lats expanding, pushing my arms further out to the sides. I watched as my shoulders inflated. I could feel the muscle fibers forming under my skin. They began to look like melons attached to my thick, massive arms. My waist continued to tighten. I looked down and saw my abs were even more defined than before. My legs were becoming so muscular they started to rip my cut-offs at the seams. I could feel my face contorting, my features changing. My teeth were moving in my mouth, shifting position. They were being remade, becoming straighter, more aligned. My jaw was getting wider, more square. As I looked in the mirror, a cleft slowly appeared in my chin. My nose was narrowing. My eyes were getting darker. My eyebrows had become thick and black. My brow was thickening and protruding over my eyes, giving me a masculine "neanderthal" look. My skin tone was darkening. I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked in the mirror. My face now looked like a G.Q. model... it looked just like Matt.

In just a matter of minutes I had become the man I had always fantasized about. I smiled and saw Matt's perfect pearly white teeth smiling back at me in the mirror. I caressed my face with my lumberjack-sized hands. I felt my high cheekbones, my Roman nose, my sexy 5-o'clock shadow. My dick was stirring in my shorts. I looked over at my big, round shoulder and saw Matt's anchor tattoo. I slowly rubbed it with my hand and felt the thick, hard muscles underneath it. Normally, I didn't care for tattoos, but on his well-defined arm it looked really sexy and masculine.The ring's glow and the cold breeze slowly faded away. Matt and I just stood there for a couple of minutes staring at each other. Both of us were drenched in sweat. Matt was standing 3 feet from me in my body. It looked so strange seeing my slender body in his clothes.

His big muscle tank top was draped over my tall, narrow frame. Then I saw my reflection in the mirror. It was so incredible I couldn't stop staring at myself. I was looking at myself through Matt's dark, sexy eyes. When I blinked, Matt's reflection blinked. When I raised my thick black eyebrows, my reflection did the same. When I smiled, I saw Matt's gorgeous smile looking back at me. I still felt like this was some sort of incredible dream. Finally, I took my gaze away from the mirror and slowly looked down at my new body. It was the body of a Greek god. But instead being carved out of white marble, it was made of muscle and bone. Every body part in perfect proportion, all covered in a paper-thin layer of bronzed colored skin. My tanned, chiseled chest was sticking out from me like a slab of granite, moving in and out with every deep breath I took. My ripped abs were carved into my lean torso. I put my hands behind my head; then I blew as much air out as possible while tightening my stomach. I saw my abs form a perfect chiseled 6-pack that any man would have been envious of. I looked past my ripped abs, and saw that my quads had become as thick as tree trunks, each muscle group was clearly defined and separated.

My skin looked like it had been painted on. There wasn't an ounce of fat anywhere on my body. My calves had grown to three times their previous size. I flexed my right calve and saw it separate into two distinct muscle groups. Each a perfectly formed diamond shape. I looked back up at the mirror and swung my right arm into a bicep curl and felt it with my other hand. I could feel the pumping blood coursing through my veins, filling the 19-inches of muscle. My bicep felt as hard as steel. It was surreal. I bounced my pecs up and down, feeling the weight of my newly formed chest. I did a lat spread for the first time. I could feel the thick muscles stretching out from my torso, my arms moving away from my sides, my shoulders rising in the air. These were things only a bodybuilder could do. Only then did I realize that I now possessed the body of an incredible athlete. As much as I disliked Matt, I had to give him credit for sculpting his body into such an amazing piece of art. I did a double-bicep pose and let out a loud, deep yell. "I can't believe this is happening to me!!!" Matt jumped back, intimidated at the sight of my new found strength. "Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you, Matt." "Thanks David, considering that's my body you've got there, I would appreciate that." "Since I do have your body, I might as well have your clothes too." With that, I pulled the muscle tank top off of Matt and slipped it on my chiseled form. Matt was shocked that I would be so forward. I slipped on the tank top over my sweaty body. It fit like a second skin. It clung to each section of my 6-pack, my thick chest, and my v-shaped torso. I walked over to Matt's locker and pulled out a pair of Speedo posing trunks. "I don't think you'll be needing these for a while, so I thought I might borrow a pair." Normally, Matt would have beat the crap out of anyone taking stuff out of his locker, but he knew he was in no position to argue with me. I quickly slipped off my tattered shorts and briefs.

Matt noticed my hard-on, and was embarrassed to find himself getting aroused. I looked over and saw him trying to hide his erection. "Gee, you might want to go find one of those bath houses I've heard so much about." Matt's looked embarrassed, and his face turned bright red. I slid the Speedos over my muscular legs, slowing moving them over my throbbing hard-on. They were small and tight, conforming to every curve of my "package". They definitely didn't leave anything to the imagination. I could clearly see the head of my penis through the stretched, elastic material. My tight balls hanging underneath, each clearly defined. I walked over to the mirror, and was in awe. I had always fantasized about being a bodybuider, wearing a pair of sexy Speedos, and putting on a show in front of a mirror. The thought that this had become a reality was an incredible turn on. I was on the verge of cumming."Matt, your body is so amazing, I can't believe what kind of shape it's in!" "Thanks... I worked a long time to get it in shape, so what ever you do, don't damage it." "Well Matt, the body you're inhabiting isn't exactly chopped liver. For starters, you're over 3-inches taller than you were before, you're in pretty good shape, and now you are the owner of a very large piece of meat." Matt unzipped his shorts to find a soft 9-inch dick. "Whoa! You're fuckin' huge." "Thanks, Matt. I thought you might find it enjoyable." "My dick is only about 5-inches... sorry about that.", Matt said. "No problem. Size has never been that important to me." "Really. Well, if you had a small dick like mine, it would be. I've always wanted to have a huge piece of meat like this to play with." Matt smiled and started jerking himself off.

While he was enjoying his new best friend, I started posing in front of the mirror, just like I had seen hundreds of times in all of those bodybuilder videos that I owned. I did a side chest, then an ab crunch, single bicep, double bicep, then a most muscular pose. Feeling the blood coursing through my pumped up arms, chest and legs was an incredible rush. My 5-inch dick was now hard as a rock, pulsing with the rapid beat of my heart. I took off my Speedo and grabbed my pre-cum soaked rod and started pumping. A few minutes later we both came, and shot our loads across the locker room floor. We had just wiped ourselves off with a couple of towels, when Mr. Asito walked in."So David, still don't believe in those unexplainable forces?" He was staring at me in Matt's body. "I do now, Mr. Asito." I showed him a double bicep pose. He smiled. "You did this to me?!", Matt chimed in. "You did it to yourself, Matt.", Mr. Asito answered back. "What are you talking about, it was the rings you gave us that did this to us." "That's only partially true. The rings allow the transference to take place, but they will only work if both parties wish for it to happen." "You mean I wanted to change bodies with David?" "In a matter of speaking, yes." "Why would I want to change places with that gay guy?" "Why indeed?" Mr. Asito started to leave the room. "You can't just leave me like this! Come back here!"

Mr. Asito turned around, "Matt, no matter what happens, you and David will always be connected by the rings. David wears the dominant ring, which controls the passive ring, which you wear. This will make you a willing participant to any future transference he desires. You will have no say in the matter. But right now you have a much more important task you must reach deep within your soul and find the truth with which you are afraid to face. Until this happens, you will not be the man you long to be." "What do you mean, the truth with which I'm afraid to face? I'm not afraid of anything. I don't understand." "You will Matt." Mr. Asito left the room."I don't believe this is happening" "I know Matt this is pretty unreal. Let's just try to make the best of this. Let's get dressed and figure out what we're going to do." "The best of this?! My muscles are hijacked without my permission, and now I'm stuck in this body until I face some sort of truth within my soul. No, let's not make the best of this!" I felt a sudden surge of anger flow through me.

I grabbed Matt under his arms, lifted him up and slammed him up against the lockers. "You ARE going to make the best of this, understand!", I roared at him in his deep voice. I could see the fear in Matt's eyes. Then I remembered that Matt was in my body, and that I had Matt's powerful muscles that could do real damage. I slowly put Matt back down on the floor. Matt moved back a couple of feet, afraid of what I might do next. "I'm sorry Matt, I don't know what came over me. I've never felt like that before. It was strange, the feeling of power that went through me. Are you ok?" "Yes, I'm fine. We wouldn't want to damage these goods, would we David." "No we wouldn't, Matt." We both smiled and got dressed.Doug walked in right after we closed our lockers. "Hey Matt, did David tell you I went for a walk?" Matt, in my body, was about to answer, but I cut him off, "Yes, he told me. No problem Doug." "What have you guys been up to?" "More than you can imagine. I feel like I've made quite a few gains.", I answered. "In 20 minutes? What kind of gains could you have possibly made in 20 minutes?" "A lot more than I expected." I smiled at Doug.

He was taken aback. I think he saw something in my smile that Matt had never shown him. Matt looked over at me with a smirk, wondering what was going on. "Doug... David and I were going to go back to his place to talk about some methods of putting on muscle mass. Do you mind if we get together later tonight?" Concerned, Doug said "Matt, you're not going to do anything bad to David are you?" "No, trust me, I'm not going to hurt David in any way. Isn't that right David?" "Yeah, don't worry Doug, Matt's not going to hurt this body. Besides, I'm really interested in learning how to gain muscle mass fast." "Ok, as long as nothing bad happens to David, then it's cool." "So, I'll give you a call in a couple of hours Doug" I said with the biggest, sexiest smile I could muster. Doug looked pleasantly surprised and smiled back. Matt and I headed out the door. Matt was wondering what I was up to. He was suspicious that I would actually give him back his body, and that would be the end of it. He was right, of course. I had other more interesting plans in mind.

Switch - Part 2

I took Matt's keys out of his pocket and headed for his Corvette. Matt protested, "Hey, you're not going to drive my Corvette are you?" "While I've got this body, I guess this is my car, right?" "Fine, drive my car." "Besides, I thought we'd go back to my place and switch bodies back. Unless there's something else you'd rather do?" "No. Let's get rolling!" Matt hopped in the passenger's seat and closed the door. As we were heading for my apartment I could tell that Matt was really anxious to get there. "Matt, having my body hasn't been THAT terrible an experience has it?" "Well, to be honest, I have enjoyed being taller and having your huge dick, and actually you're not in that bad of shape."

"That's what I thought. Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else?" "Sure. I guess so.", Matt pondered, "Sometimes I wish I didn't have to act like the 'tough jock' all of the time." "Isn't it tiring putting on a front like that?" "Yeah. I get sick of it. I'm so busy living up to that image, I don't even know who I am anymore." "I think that's what Mr. Asito was talking about." Matt sat there quietly, thinking about what we had talked about. I could tell he was having a hard time dealing with his bottled up feeling. Finally we arrived at my apartment.After we stepped inside, I locked the door. "So David, are you really going to give me back my body?" "Yes, Matt. I plan to give you back your body." "Plan to? What do you mean 'Plan to'?" "Well, I do have a few conditions." "What kind of conditions, I'm afraid to ask."

"I'm going to have access to your body whenever want. If I feel like having a workout in your body, we'll switch. If I feel like taking a shower in your skin, we'll switch. If I want to show off your body at the beach, we'll switch." "You can't be serious?" "I'm totally serious, Matt. But, if you'd rather I keep this hot bod permanently, no problem." "No, it's just that... you mean whenever you want to borrow my body, I have to let you?" "That about sums it up. If you want to have your body back you'll have to be available to swap whenever I want." Matt knew he didn't have any other options but to say yes. "Sure David, whatever you say." "I think you made the right decision Matt. But before we make the switch, I thought we could have some fun first." "What kind of fun?" "First I want you to put on the smallest clothes I've got in my dresser. Then were going to get my weight set and a bottle of baby oil and bring them back into the living room." "What are we going to do with weights and baby oil?" "Well Matt, I figured that you'd be so grateful to get back in your body that you wouldn't mind putting on a very special Chippendales show for me." Matt thought about it and figured if it meant getting his body back he'd do anything. "Yeah. Sure. I'll be glad to put on a show for you." I was surprised that he agreed so quickly, but I figured all he cared about was getting back his body. I told him where the baby oil was, and I went to my bedroom and picked up my 50 lb. weights, which now felt like they weighed about 10 lbs. and brought them into the living room.Matt walked in with the baby oil.

He was wearing one of my old Apple t-shirts that was about two sizes too small. He had also put on my skin-tight aqua swim trunks. I was busy pumping up my biceps with my dumbbells. "You're looking good Matt. It looks like you're about to burst out of those clothes." I smiled at him. "Really cute, David. Can we just get this over with?" I began to rub baby oil on my arms and chest. "I thought I'd give myself one final thrill. This feels so good. I don't know how you were able to control yourself with this body. I've got a permanent hard on." I could see that my oil rub down was turning him on. He was trying to hide his erection with his hands. "Matt, what's going on? I thought you didn't get off on guys?" "I don't! It must be this fag body I'm stuck in! It's giving me gay thoughts." "Wait a minute, Matt. If that were true, I would suddenly have the hots for Pamela Lee Anderson. That hasn't happened." Matt was really getting flustered. "I don't know what's going on. Your 9-inch dick has got a mind of it own, ok!" "Alright Matt, if you don't want to deal with your feelings right now, we don't have to. Come on, let's get us back in our own bodies." Matt was almost in tears, "Thank you, David."We moved into the center of the room. We both tried to prepare ourselves for the electric shock from the rings. We both took a deep breath and snapped the rings together. Nothing happened. We pulled the rings apart and snapped them together again. Still, nothing. "What's wrong? Why isn't it working?", Matt said. "I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with what Mr. Asito had said." Matt was confused, "What are you talking about?" "Mr. Asito said that I have the dominant ring, and that I have the power to switch bodies whenever I want to."

"So, don't you want to switch bodies?" "Sure I do. But maybe I have to do more than just put the rings together. Maybe I have to concentrate on wanting the transference to take place?" "Well, it's worth a try." Matt and I put the rings together and I focused all of my thoughts on switching bodies with him. Suddenly the rings began to glow. A cool breeze swirled around us. Our bodies became engulfed in a glowing energy. It wasn't as intense as it was the first time. It was if our bodies were getting use to the transformation. I felt like I was getting weaker, less heavy. I looked over at Matt and saw him starting to change. I could see his chest starting to expand under his t-shirt. His arms and legs were getting thicker, more muscular. I watched as his waist became narrower. I could see his ripped abs forming underneath the t-shirt. I could feel myself beginning to deflate. I looked down and saw my massive chest moving up my torso, losing its thickness. My legs were becoming less defined. My 19-inch biceps were shrinking before my eyes. I looked over at Matt and saw he had a huge erection in his shorts, and a big smile on his face.

Matt's arms were swelling; straining on the skin-tight t-shirt I made him wear. I could see his rib cage expanding, his thickening chest straining against the fabric. It looked like something out of an Incredible Hulk episode. It was very erotic. I slid my Speedo down my legs and grabbed my throbbing dick. I could feel it growing longer and thicker in my hand. I began to grow taller and thinner. Matt was moaning from the pressure building inside his tight clothes. His sleeves started coming apart at the seams. His biceps poured out of the shredded sleeves. His collar was stretching to the breaking point. It ripped straight down the middle, quickly moving down his expanding chest. His shorts burst apart, exposing his enormous thighs. Matt face was changing from my face back to his. His features were becoming more masculine, more angular. I could feel my face changing back into its original form. A couple of minutes later our transformation had ended. The energy glow around our bodies disappeared and the cool breeze gradually died down. We both stood facing each other, drenched in sweat. Matt looked like a Greek statue draped in tattered rags. I couldn't contain myself anymore. I climaxed and shot my wad across the room. I could see that Matt had also cum in his shorts. It felt really strange being back in my body. I was 50 pounds lighter. I felt a lot weaker, like I was more vulnerable not having Matt's muscles.Matt pulled off his shredded t-shirt and swung his arms up into a double bicep pose. "Yes! I'm me again! Fantastic!" He just oozed masculinity and power, even more than I did when I possessed his body. Standing there in his tattered shorts, in that muscular pose, he looked like a comic book superhero. I turned around to grab the bottle of baby oil. "What do you think your doing, David!", Matt bellowed.

"Remember our deal? The Chippendales show?" "There isn't going to be any Chippendales show." "What are you talking about, Matt?" "It's over. You aren't going to be borrowing my body for taking showers, for working out or anything else for that matter." "What do you mean by that?" "Here's exactly what I mean!" Matt suddenly punched me in the stomach. I had the wind knocked out of me, and collapsed to the floor writhing in pain. I was on my knees, holding my stomach, trying to catch my breath. Matt grabbed me by the hair and jerked my head up to face him. "I'm going to make sure you never get close enough to me to put these rings together." He picked me up and slammed me against the wall. He had me pinned with his left arm, two feet off the floor. "If you think I'm going to willingly trade bodies with you so I'll have to go around as a scrawny little gay guy, you've got another thing coming. Now that I've got my body back I'm not going to give it up!" I had never seen Matt so angry. His jet black eyes looked cold and distant. I wasn't sure what he was capable of doing to me. I knew that if I didn't want to get really hurt by him, I would have to try to switch bodies again. If I tried and failed, I knew Matt would beat the crap out of me.

I wasn't sure if the transference could work without connecting the rings first. But I figured I had better take a chance, not knowing what Matt was going to do to me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my ring and Matt's body. Matt looked at me and wondered why I had my eyes closed. "What the hell are you doing?! Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?" I opened my eyes, but didn't answer. I kept focusing on my ring. "...well, you'd be right. I am going to hurt you. Just enough to teach you a lesson, so you'll stay away from me and this ring." Matt pulled back his fist and was about to hit me in the face. All of a sudden Matt froze in his place. He had a confused look on his face. He didn't know why he had stopped in his tracks. Slowly, Matt let me slide back down to the floor. He almost looked like he was in a trance. I looked down and saw my ring was glowing. Matt noticed I was looking down at my hand. "Oh no, the ring! It can't be!" "It looks like I won't be getting that broken nose after all." Matt was staring at the ring with a worried look on his face. "We'll see about that."

Matt was fighting against the force emanating from the ring. He was trying with all his might to break the hold the ring had over him. "You're not going to do this to me again!", he moaned. I stared at my ring and spoke aloud, "I want to switch bodies with Matt." The ring began to glow even brighter. Matt screamed in pain, "Noooo!" His ring began to glow too. "Matt, stop fighting the ring, it's hurting you!", I yelled. Slowly he started to loosen his tight fist. "...I won't let you do this!" His arm gradually moved down to his side. "...make it stop!" I felt the force of my ring pull my arm into the air. Reluctantly, Matt did the same. "...can't let this happen!" Matt's arm was shaking, trying to fight the powerful forces at work. I stared at his ring and said, "I want Matt's body!" His ring began to glow even brighter. The rings moved towards each other as if a magnetic force was attracting them. "...please David! Ahhhhh!", Matt cried. But it was too late. The rings joined once again.

This time the light emanating from the rings was blinding. A huge jolt of electricity ran through our bodies. I went rigid and clenched my teeth from the pain. Finally the shock wave subsided. I could feel a huge surge of power building up in my body. All of my muscle fibers were burning inside my body. Sweat started pouring down my face and chest. Suddenly, as if all of the stored energy was released at once, I began to transform into Matt at an accelerated speed. My chest burst outward and downward, ribcage expanding, biceps and triceps swelling, forearms thickening, shoulders getting bigger and rounder, waist narrowing, abs tightening, legs and calves inflating, lats becoming wider, back growing denser and more defined. My face morphed into Matt's in a matter of seconds. I could hear Matt yelling in pain, trying to resist the transformation. His screams quickly raised an octave as he unwillingly changed back into my body. I had gained 50 pounds of muscle in less than a minute. The surge of strength was incredible. The rings stopped glowing and separated from each other. I looked down at my bronzed body and saw the sweat trickle over my thick, hard chest and ripped abs.

I was in Matt's skin again. I felt my etched stomach with Matt's manly hands. This time it felt like I belonged in Matt's body. I looked over at Matt. He looked weak and tired. He was breathing deeply, exhausted from the failed battle with the rings.I wondered to myself if the rings would have the power to make Matt more submissive and make myself more aggressive. I focused on my ring, thinking how much I wanted to be more aggressive like Matt. Both of our rings began to pulse with energy. I saw an arc of light go from my ring to his. I felt a rush of adrenaline flowing through my body. Matt held his head as if he were dizzy. The rings glow gradually faded out. "Are you ok, Matt?" "Yeah, I think so." "Good. I wanted to make sure you were well enough to start your new job." "New job?" I smiled at him with his pearly white teeth, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. You're going to be my very own personal muscle slave." "Muscle slave?" "That's right. As punishment for your very bad behavior, I've decided that you need to learn what it's like to take orders from a real man." "I am not going to be your muscle slave, David. Forget it."

Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed Matt by the throat and easily lifted him into the air. Matt started gasping. "What was that you were saying?" Matt started choking. He grabbed my arm trying to loosen my grip. "What's the matter, Matt? I can't quite hear you." I loosened my grip slightly. Matt stopped pulling at my arm, knowing that it was a waste of time. Still gasping he managed to say, "Ok -- I'll be -- your muscle -- slave." I let him drop to the floor. He collapsed to the floor in a crumpled pile. I didn't even care that it was my old body lying there. "What are you waiting for slave?! Get up and grab the baby oil over there!", I demanded. Slowly Matt got off the floor and walked over to the baby oil sitting on the table. I picked up the dumbbells on the floor and started doing bicep curls. My arms quickly pumped up and became rock hard. "Rub oil on my massive biceps, slave!", I demanded. Matt obeyed my command without hesitation. He poured the baby oil in his right hand and started rubbing the oil over my 19-inch guns. "That feels good slave. Now rub some oil over my chiseled chest." "Come on David.", Matt pleaded. "Quiet slave!", I shouted; and pushed him down to the floor. "You will call me Master when you are worshiping me." Matt could tell I was serious in my demand and slowly picked himself off the floor. "Yes, Master", he said softly, not wanting to anger me further.

He began to rub oil over my thick, hard chest. I expanded my rib cage and heaved my chest out under his hands. "Doesn't that feel good, Slave?" He put his hand to his head as if he had a fever. I could tell the rings were beginning to have an effect. "Yes... yes Master it feels very good." "Excellent Slave. Now slide your hands down to my sexy abs." I blew some air out and tightened my abs into a hard 6-pack. Matt rubbed oil across them, feeling each recessed groove with his fingers. My display of power was turning him on. He felt aroused giving pleasure to what was once his own body. I could see he was getting an erection. "Ok, Slave. Oil up my quads and glutes." Matt started to slide his hands down to my legs. I grabbed his hands in a vice grip. Matt winced from the pain. "Slave? What do you say?" Matt was rubbing his hard-on. "Please Master, may I apply oil to your massive legs?" I let go of his crushed hands. "How do I know you really want to feel my muscles, Slave?" Matt unzipped his shorts, exposing his pulsing 9-inch cock.I was feeling more masculine, as if I had been injected with huge dose of testosterone. This must be what it's like to completely become Matt. His body and mind surging with aggression, power and masculinity. I knew that the rings had granted my request. I thought I would test the rings power further.

I grabbed Matt's hand and snapped the rings back together. "Hey, what are you doing?!", Matt protested. "I'm just trying something out. Be patient, Slave." I concentrated and spoke aloud, "I want to be 5-inches taller and gain 50-pounds of muscle." "No David, please don't!" The rings began to glow again. "David, I'm sorry I tried to hurt you. I swear! Please make it stop!" The glow gradually surrounded our bodies. I watched as Matt slowly began to shrink. Matt had a frightened look on his face as he shrunk from 6-foot-1 down to 5-foot-8. His muscle tone started to disappear. His arms and legs were losing most of their mass. His shoulders were narrowing. He looked just like a small teenager. He must have weighed about 120 lbs. Suddenly, I felt a surge of power coursing through my body. "It's working... I'm getting taller.", I said in a deeper voice. My body kept stretching taller, until I reached a height of 6-foot-3. I felt my muscles starting to burn. My biceps began to swell with new muscle. I watched as my 19-inch biceps grew to 23-inches in a matter of seconds. I looked down and saw my chest expanding, getting thicker, wider, heavier. My arms were moving further from my body as my lats started to widen. My waist was actually narrowing, giving me a more defined v-shape.

My quads grew 3-inches larger and my calves ballooned out a couple more inches. Each muscle group was even harder and more sculpted than before, if that were possible. The rings glow subsided. I felt like a god standing in front of Matt. I was 7-inches taller and a 150 lbs. heavier than him. At 6-foot 3-inch with 270 lbs. of solid muscle, I towered over him. The sight of a smaller, weaker Matt cowering below me was a huge turn on. I felt incredible power, knowing that I could completely dominate him. I tightened my chiseled legs and swung my arms up into a double-bicep pose. "You will worship this body now!", I said in a deep, thunderous bass. I threw the bottle of baby oil at Matt. The force almost knocked him over. "Get to work Slave!", I bellowed at him. He was shaking from fear, but obediently followed my orders. He began to apply the oil to my massive new body. "Here weakling, let me help you reach my chest." I grabbed Matt by the waist and picked him up like he were a rag doll. He rubbed oil on my thick chest and broad shoulders. I tilted Matt sideways and grabbed his side and one of his scrawny legs. I began to raise him overhead as if he were a dumbbell. He was so light I could have lifted him dozens of times without breaking a sweat. "Put me down, David! This isn't funny." I raised him towards the ceiling about 10 times and finally put him back on the floor. Matt was so frustrated he lashed out at me. With all his strength he slugged me in the stomach. I barely felt a thing. Matt grabbed his own hand.

"Damn. Your abs are hard as steel! I think I broke my wrist." "I guess things have changed since the last time you punched me in the stomach." Matt looked embarrassed and worried. "In fact, maybe I should return the favor and see if you can take a blow to the stomach." "Please don't hit me David. If you punch me using that arm you'll probably kill me!" I thought I'd scare him a little bit. "Well, I guess there's only one way to find out." I pulled my arm back, as if I was going to follow through with my threat. Matt collapsed to the floor, covering his head with his thin, boney arms. He started crying, begging me not to hurt him.We both heard someone honking their car's horn out front. Then I remembered that my best friend Brian was stopping by. He was suppose to wait for me, and I would come downstairs. "I can't let Brian see us like this. We better switch back." I pulled Matt up off the floor. He looked relieved. "If you misbehave again I'll leave us like this permanently. Understand, Slave?" "Yes, Master." The horn blared again, then we heard a car door slam. I connected both rings. Then I spoke aloud, "I want to become Matt again." They began to glow again. The doorbell rang. It was Brian. "David are you in there?" Our transformation was just beginning. I whispered to Matt, "Tell him you'll be there in a minute." Matt yelled, "Just a minute." "Is that you David? You sound funny." Matt's voice was a higher pitch than normal. Matt started growing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Hold on a sec." I could feel myself shrinking. We were now almost at the same height. "David, what's going on in there?" "Ummm, I'll be there shortly..." The transformation was almost over. Brian started knocking on the door.

"Come on David, let me in! Quit joking around!" The metamorphosis finally completed. The rings separated from each other. We were back the way we were before I had started my experiment.I unlocked the door and swung it open. "Hi Bry, come on in!" Brian was shocked to see Matt answer the door. He was even more surprised to see Matt covered in baby oil, wearing nothing but a Speedo. He took two steps back. "Matt what -? what are you ?- doing here?", Brian said nervously. I thought it might be fun to give Bry a thrill. "Step inside Brian, David and I were just having a muscle worship session." I grabbed Brian's arm and pulled him into the room. Brian saw what appeared to be David, standing in the middle of the living room with baby oil on his hands and his shorts pulled down. "David, what's going on here? What is Matt doing here? I thought Matt hated you? I don't understand." Matt wasn't sure what to say. He knew my friend wouldn't believe that he was actually Matt in David's body. "Go ahead David, answer him.", I ordered Matt. "Like Matt said, were having a muscle worship session." Brian looked really confused. "Hey Brian, David and I have worked out our differences. We're a lot closer than you think. You might even say I know David inside and out." I gave Brian a big smile, trying to reassure him. "I don't get it. The last time I talked to David he said that you had called him 'a big faggot'. Now you're the best of friends? What gives?" "Well, whatever problems David and I had in the past are ancient history. Trust me. You're looking at a brand new Matt." Brian looked skeptical. I closed the front door. Brian started to look concerned. "David, hand me the baby oil and go sit down over there." "Yes, Master." Matt obediently handed me the baby oil and sat in the chair in the corner of the room. I turned to Brian. "David told me the other day that you and him had some kind of a secret fantasy involving me."

Brian was shocked and embarrassed. He turned to Matt, "David, I can't believe you told him that secret!" I tried to pacify Brian, "Please don't blame David. We've shared a lot of our private thoughts and fantasies with each other. That's what friends do." "Well, I guess I understand. But it still makes me really uncomfortable to have you standing here, knowing that." "No problem, don't worry about it. In fact, I'm here to make your fantasy become a reality." Brian's interest had grown a bit. "What do you mean 'make my fantasy a reality'?" "I think you know what I mean, Brian." I winked at him. Then I poured some baby oil in my right hand. Brian was staring in disbelief. I rubbed the oil over my chiseled chest, slowly moving my hand in a circular motion over each pec and around each nipple. Gradually I moved both of my hands down to my 6-pack. I arched my back as I rubbed the oil over my abs, then back up to my chest. I could see Brian was getting turned on. I gently grabbed Brian's hands and placed them on my muscular chest. "Is this part of your fantasy, Brian?" "Oh god yeah, Matt!" He had a major hard-on. I moved his hands down to my ripped abs. I knew Brian had always wanted to do that. We both had fantasized about having our way with Matt. Now I was making that dream come true for both of us. "Oh Matt, your body is so hot. I can't believe you're letting me do this to you!" "It's my pleasure Brian. I'm enjoying this too. How about rubbing some oil on my pumped up biceps?" I thrust my arms up into a double-bicep pose, flared out my lats, and tightened my abs and quads. Brian had to control himself from cumming in his shorts. "Matt, you're a fucking Greek god. I want to feel every inch of your body." He reached up and grabbed my solid 19-inch arms. "This is unbelievable! Your arms are made of stone."

Then he moved his hands over my lats, and down to my quads. "Oh god! You feel so fucking good! Every part of you is hard as a rock!" Brian couldn't control himself any more and finally came. He shot his full load in his shorts. "OH GOD! ? That was the greatest orgasm I've ever had!" "Well I think I'm going to need a little help in that department myself, Bry." I slid down my Speedo over my muscled quads and held out my hard cock to him. Brian gladly knelt down and put his mouth over my throbbing meat. I was surprised what a good job he was doing. He knew exactly how to bring pleasure to this body. He put his lips on the head of my penis and tenderly moved his tongue around the outside of it. I could feel my balls tightening from the intense pleasure he was bringing me. He had his hands on my quads and slowly moved them up to my glutes, squeezing them tightly. His hands felt so good on my tight glutes. He started to pump his head up and down on my cock, taking in all 5-inches into his mouth and down his throat. I couldn't contain myself any longer and shot my load. Brian swallowed every drop with a big smile on his face. I knew that giving Matt a blow job was another one of Brian's fantasies. I looked over at Matt in the corner. He had been masturbating in the chair and had just climaxed too."Now that we all got are 'rocks' off. I think it's time we let Brian in on our little secret." Puzzled, Brian said "What are you talking about Matt? What little secret?"

I turned to Matt in my body, "Go ahead and tell him Slave." "Yes, Master. I'm Matt in David's body and David is in my body.", he said matter-of-factly. Brian looked at him in total disbelief. "What the fuck are you talking about David!?" I spoke up, "That's not David over there, Brian. I'm David here in Matt's body." "What kind of shit are trying to pull on me!? I suck your dick and get you off, then you unload this pile of crap on me! I don't think this is a bit funny." Brian started heading for the door. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards me. "Don't hurt me Matt! I'll believe whatever you want, just don't hurt me!", Brian pleaded. "I'm not going to hurt you Bry. It's me, David, in this body. I would never hurt you, babe." "Stop saying that! Why are you trying to convince me that you're David? I don't care who you are. I just want to get out of here!" Brian was trying to pull away from me. "Listen Bry. Remember the time we hid in the locker room at the gym and snuck into the special shower stall? Then we both jacked off peaking through the hole in the wall while we watched Matt lathering up his body?" Brian stopped pulling away from me. "That doesn't mean anything. You could have forced David to tell you that story." Matt got up from his chair; "You guys were getting off watching me in the shower? I knew there was something up with that hole!" "David, you weren't being watched, we were the ones watching Matt! What's wrong with you?" Brian said flustered. "I told you, you fuckin' faggot, I'm Matt!" Brian was shocked that David would talk to him in that tone. "Matt, you apologize to Brian, now!" "Yes, Master. I'm sorry I said that to you Brian." "Man, this is just too weird! I don't know what to think anymore." Brian was really confused and upset. I pleaded with Brian, "Bry, do you honestly think that Matt would be willing to come over to my... uh David's apartment and take off his clothes and let you rub oil on his body, then help him get off? Do you honestly think homophobic Matt would do something like that?" Brian thought about it for a minute. "Well, no. But it's easier to believe that, than to fall for your crock-o-shit story about switching bodies!" "Bry, I don't know what else I can say -? wait a minute, I think I have an idea. Come over here, Matt. We're going to put on a show for Brian." Matt did as he was told. "Bry, you stand over there." "Now what are you going to do Matt? Switch bodied with David again?" he said jokingly.

"Something like that. Just stand back and watch." I concentrated on the rings, thinking how I wanted Matt and I to have the same size body. The rings started to glow. Matt was looking forward to the transference and willingly put the rings together. A cool breeze started swirling around us. The light in the room began to dim. Brian looked scared. "Don't worry Bry, it's going to be ok." I shouted. The rings were glowing brighter. The energy slowly enveloped our bodies. Matt and I began to change. Brian watched as he saw his friend David's body start to swell up. He looked over at me. I had become a lot less muscular in a matter of seconds. I started growing taller and thinner. Matt was shrinking and gaining muscle. Brian couldn't believe his eyes. The breeze died down and the rings stopped glowing and came apart. We stood there facing each other. It looked like we were staring into a mirror. We had exactly the same body. We each sported a 7-inch hard-on and 16-inch biceps. My chest didn't stick out as far as before, and my 6-pack wasn't as defined as it had been.

But we both looked like those men you'd see in the International Male catalog. We each had a faded out tattoo on our shoulder, and a partial appendix scar on our stomach. Matt was checking out his improved physique. Brian came over to me and put his hands on my face. "David it really is you! Part of you looks like Matt, and part of you looks like -- you! It's amazing!" "Bry, I'm glad I finally convinced you that I'm really David inside here." "What I don't get is that you let me grope your body and give you a blow job. What's up with that?" "Well, I figured this might be the only chance either one of us would be able to experience this incredible body. Are you mad at me?" "Nah. I could never get mad at you. You're my bud. Besides, it was pretty hot wasn't it." Bry gave me a big smile. "Bry, now I can tell you the whole story." I told him all about Mr. Asito, finding the rings in the lockers, and all the bad stuff that went down in this apartment. Brian turned to Matt, "You fuckin' prick! You were going to beat up David after he gave you back your body!?" "What are you going to do about it, little man?" Matt grabbed Brian, and pinched his shoulder. Brian let out a yell. "He's not going to do anything about it -? I am!" I grabbed Matt's hand and snapped the rings back together. "Oh shit! I didn't mean to hurt your friend. Please don't!" "It's too late for apologies Matt." I stared at the rings, "I want Matt's body." "David I'm sorry... NOOOO!"

A few minutes later I stood there in Matt's body once again.Brian walked over to me, amazed that I had become Matt again. "Dave, you should leave Matt in your old body forever. That fuckin' homophobe doesn't deserve this body. If he had the chance, he would beat the crap out of both of us." "Maybe you're right Bry. I'll have to give it some thought." Matt chimed in, "What do you mean you're going to keep my body forever!? That body belongs to me!" "Not right now, it doesn't. I think Mr. Asito was right when he said, Until you find the truth with which you are afraid to face, you will not be the man you long to be." "Mr. Asito is a crazy old man who is full of shit!" "Maybe so, but until I say otherwise, these bods stay as they are; and if I hear any more lip service out of you, I'll make you SO passive that you'll be afraid of your own god damn shadow! Is that understood Slave?" Matt knew when he was beaten, "Yes, Master." "In fact, while I've got this huge body, I should have something that goes with my size." I concentrated on my ring. An arc of light went from my ring to his. Panicked, Matt said "What are you doing?!" "You'll see soon enough Matt." I felt a sudden movement in my Speedo. Smiling, I looked down and saw my dick starting to grow. Matt had a shocked look on his face. He grabbed his shorts and unzipped them. He saw his 9-inch dick begin to shrink. "Oh, no! Come on David! Please!"

Matt's dick continued to narrow and shrink until it was 5-inches. I watched as my dick became thicker and longer. It grew so long that the head of my penis pushed itself out of my Speedo and was rubbing against my 6-pack. "That's more like it. I guess I'll have to buy a larger Speedo, right Matt?" "Please David. Don't leave me with my old dick and your body. It isn't fair." "We'll see Matt. I'll probably give my dick back to you, but right now I think I'm going to be needing it for later." Brian walked over to me. "Dave, that was really cool. I got a hard-on watching your dick grow like that. Maybe you can give me a huge dick too?" "Maybe later, Bry. Right now I've got other plans. Why don't you take Matt over to Ripples, so he can meet some of our friends and get used to being David. I've got a hot date with a very special guy." "Isn't Ripples that queer bar down at the beach?" Brian swung Matt around to face him. "It's called a gay bar, scrawny boy." "Matt you be a good boy and we'll see about switching back. See ya guys later. Let me know if he misbehaves, Bry." "Will do, Dave -? um I mean Matt." We both smiled at each other. Before I headed out, an interesting idea popped into my head. I reached over and grabbed Matt's hand and slipped off the ring. "Hey! What are you doing, I need that ring to switch back into my body!" Matt said concerned. "Don't worry Matt, I promise I won't lose it. I thought it might come in handy later tonight." I stuffed my erection back inside my Speedo. I kissed Bry on the cheek and headed out the door. I jumped in Matt's Corvette and headed back to the gym. Bry and Matt got in Bry's car and headed over to Ripples. I was really looking forward to seeing Doug again. I had a feeling something might happen between us tonight.

Switch - Part 3

I headed back to the gym, hoping that Doug would still be there. As I was driving, I began to feel more comfortable in my new body. It was if I was getting used to being in Matt's skin. It felt so natural having my muscular arms holding on to the steering wheel and gear shift, and my thick, heavy chest pressed against my skin-tight tank top. I could feel the muscles flexing in my massive legs as I used the clutch, gas pedal and brake. I looked up in the rear-view mirror and saw Matt's handsome face staring back at me. I smiled as I felt my 9-inch dick begin to swell in my Speedo.Brian and Matt arrived at Ripples. "Can't we just tell David that we went in, and do something else instead?", Matt pleaded. "I don't think so Matt. David wouldn't like that, and I don't think you want to get David mad right now." Brian grabbed Matt's arm and led him to the entrance. There was a big guy standing at the door. "Hey, how's it going David?", the doorman said, "...you haven't been here in a while." Brian answered for Matt, "Well, he hasn't been feeling like himself lately." "Oh, you've been under-the-weather, David?", he said with a concerned look on his face. Matt spoke up, "Yeah, you might say that. I've been feeling pretty weak." "Well, I hope you start to feel like your old self again real soon." "I'm looking forward to that dude." Brian grabbed Matt's arm and led him through the door.

Matt was surprised to find the inside of the place looked just like every other bar he had been in. There were a couple of pool tables off to the right. Neon beer signs were hanging all over the place. There were a couple of guys in the corner playing darts. "This isn't at all what I expected.", Matt said to Brian. "What did you expect, guys doing it with each other on top of the bar?" Embarrassed, Matt said "No, it's just that I had this picture in my mind of what a gay bar is like. Ya know, kinda sleazy, everything in the dark. This place is just like my hangout." "I'm glad you like it Matt. David and I come here all the time. It's the only place we can go where we feel safe and can be comfortable being ourselves. The outside world can be pretty cruel sometimes." Matt didn't know what to say. He knew Brian had directed that last comment at him. Feeling guilty, Matt looked down at the floor and said "I'm really sorry Brian." "Thanks Matt. I have a feeling you really meant that. Let's go on upstairs and have some fun."I arrived at the gym and saw Doug's car parked out front. "Good, he's still here.", I said to myself in my deep baritone voice. I walked into the gym and saw Doug laying down on the bench press. It looked like he was trying to lift two or three-hundred pounds. The weights on the bar looked huge. I knew as David, I wouldn't have been able to lift half of that weight; but with Matt's body I could easily handle it. I walked over. "Need some help with that?" I gave Doug a big smile. Surprised, he sat up. "Matt, you're back? How is David? He's ok isn't he? I was really getting worried." It was sweet how concerned Doug was about my well being. "I told you nothing bad was going to happen to David. Trust me, he's fine. In fact, I'd say he feels like a new man today." "That's great Matt.

I knew in my heart you wouldn't do anything to hurt him.", Doug said relieved. "So Doug, do you need a spotter?", I said smiling. "Sure Matt. You can spot me ANY time." Realizing how forward that must have sounded, Doug started to blush. I thought it was cute how shy Doug was. It made him even more attractive, if that were possible. Doug laid back down on the bench and slid under the barbell. I went to the back of the bench and got in position. I watched as Doug hefted the massive weight off the weight rack and dropped it down to his chest. He let out a grunt as he forced the weight upward. His upper body was shaking as he fought against the force of gravity. He was able to do 10 reps before finally giving out. I grabbed the weight and helped him put it back up on the rack. Doug looked so sexy as he laid there breathing so heavily covered in sweat. I couldn't control myself anymore. I walked around to face him, bent down and kissed him on the lips. Suddenly, Doug grabbed me around my waist and pulled me on top of him. It felt wonderful pressed against Doug's muscular body. We wrapped our arms around each other while embraced in our passionate kiss. The kiss seemed to last an eternity, but was more like a few minutes. "Matt, I've dreamed of this happening, but I never thought it actually would." "Well, I was recently told that sometimes the impossible is possible." Smiling, Doug said "That's definitely true for me." "Me too Doug." "Matt, why don't we get cleaned up and go back to my place?" "That's a great idea Doug." We kissed each other again and headed for the showers.Brian and Matt headed up the stairs. They could hear the thumping bass of the disco music getting louder. About halfway up the stairs Matt recognized the song as that old gay standby "It's Rainin' Men". When they reached the top of the stairs they saw about forty young men dancing under the flashing disco lights and twirling mirrored balls. There were a couple dozen men standing around the dance floor, drinking, talking and smoking. Matt had never seen so many gay men in one place before, and they all seemed to be having a great time. Brian noticed how nervous Matt looked, "Matt, how about a drink?" "That sounds like a great idea, Brian." Matt watched the couples dancing as they slowly made their way over to the bar. Matt turned away from the dance floor and looked for the bartender. There standing behind the bar was the most attractive man Matt had ever seen. His face was so incredibly beautiful. Golden blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, masculine chiseled features and a well manicured goatee.

His body was truly a work of art. He had the same muscle mass that Matt used to have, but his torso had a more sculpted look. His waist was narrower and his shoulders were wider, making him look like some sort of living, breathing Adonis. Yet as intimidating a figure as he was, he projected a great deal of warmth and kindness. He was wearing a muscle t-shirt and skin-tight Levi's cut-offs. No man had ever had this kind of effect on him before. Brian saw how entranced Matt was of the bartender. "He's quite a sight isn't he?" "Uhhhh, yeah I guess so." "Ya know Matt... Kevin has known David for a long time." "Kevin? His name his Kevin?" "Yeah, he really has a thing for David, and right now you're David. If you play your cards right you never know." Brian winked at Matt. Matt blushed.Doug and I walked into the changing room and started to undress. We both enjoyed watching each other take off our clothes. I could see that Doug was really getting turned on. I was getting aroused too. He slowly pulled off his bikini briefs revealing a throbbing 8-inch hard on. I smiled at him and removed my bulging Speedo. Doug's smile turned into a look of shock and surprise. I was puzzled. "What's wrong Doug?" Doug didn't say anything, he was staring at my erection. "Don't you like what you see?" "Sure I do Matt, but I'm a little confused." "What do you mean?" "I've seen you naked before Matt, and I don't want to sound cruel but I don't remember you being so well endowed." "What are you talking about?" "Matt, I've seen you hard... you're dick is 5-inches, 5 1/2 tops! What are you doing with that?" I looked down and saw my 9-inch dick pointing up at me. I forgot that I had borrowed my longer dick from my old body. "Doug I think I can explain, but I doubt if you'll believe me." "Try me." "Ok, I'll give you the Readers Digest version. For starters, I'm not the Matt that you've always known. I'm actually David inside Matt's body."

I could already tell that Doug thought I was jerking him around. I continued, "You see it all started when I saved Mr. Asito from a falling tower of weights. He ended up giving Matt and me these special rings..." I showed him the ring on my finger and pulled the other ring out of my pocket. "When Matt joined the rings together they switched our bodies. I became Matt, and Matt became me, ...uh that is he became David." Doug had a blank look on his face. "Later I decided to switch our bodies back as long as I could become Matt whenever I wanted. Matt didn't like that, and had some other ideas. So, I kept his body and borrowed my -- I mean David's larger dick." Doug just stared at me, wondering what to make of my crazy story. "Doug, I know it sounds totally farfetched, but I swear to God it's true. I'm really David in Matt's body." "I don't know what to think. Right now I can't decide if I want to fuck your brains out or if I should call 911 and put you into a padded cell." "Personally, I like your first choice better." I gave him a smile. Doug didn't seem amused. "I should put back on my clothes and get the hell out of here, but something in your eyes is telling me not to." "That's good Doug, maybe you're seeing the real me that's inside." "This is getting really weird. Is there any way you can prove to me that you're telling the truth?" "I'm not sure." "That's what I thought, I'm outta here." Doug started to grab his clothes off the floor. "Wait a minute, I just remembered something. Remember when you told David that you knew he was gay, and you were tired of pretending to be the straight jock? Then you told him that you really liked Matt and that you wanted to have a gay friend that you could confide in?" Doug looked shocked. "How did you know that?" "Exactly. If I were really Matt do you think that David would have told me, I mean Matt, what we had talked about?" Doug pondered what I had said, "No, David wouldn't have told Matt." "See? That proves that I'm really David." "I'm still not convinced.

Maybe you forced David to tell you that secret. Maybe that's what you did when you went over to his place earlier." I was getting frustrated. I wasn't sure what else to do. Suddenly an idea struck me.Kevin came over to Brian and Matt. "Hi guys, how's it going? Hey David, I haven't seen you in here in a while. I've missed you." Matt couldn't stop staring at Kevin. Up close he was even more stunning. Kevin noticed that Matt was in a trance. "David, are you ok?" Matt finally snapped out of it. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Yeah, I've missed you too." "Is there anything special I can get you?" Matt thought to himself, "Sure I'd like to see you naked in my bed!" Matt couldn't believe he was having thoughts like that about another man. Brian could see that Matt wasn't going to answer Kevin, so he spoke up, "We'll have a couple of screwdrivers." "Sure thing." Kevin walked off to make the drinks. "Matt, what's up with you? You're drooling all over Kevin. What's going on?" "I don't know. I've never been attracted to men before. I don't know what's happening to me!" "Maybe you're finally getting in touch with your feelings?" Kevin came back with the drinks. "What do we owe you for the drinks?", Matt asked. "No charge for you. But I'm sure you'll think of some way to repay me." Kevin gave Matt a huge smile and put his hand on top of Matt's. Matt's face turned beet red. "It's so cute the way you're embarrassed by the smallest sign of affection." Matt stared into Kevin's beautiful blue eyes and it felt like his legs were turning to jello. Brian spoke up, "Well I guess I'll leave you two guys alone... three's a crowd." Panicked, Matt said "Brian don't leave!" Kevin interjected, "Bry you're a good guy. It's nice of you to give Dave and me some privacy." "It's my pleasure."

Kevin patted him on the shoulder. Brian winked at Kevin and walked away. Matt was nervous and excited. He didn't know what was about to happen. "I've got a half-hour break. Why don't we go in the office and talk?" Kevin came out from behind the bar and grabbed Matt's hand and led him into the private office."Doug how would you like to try an experiment?" "What kind of experiment?" "Well, if my idea really works it will prove that I was telling the truth; and if it doesn't work you can put me in the padded cell. Ok?" Doug thought about it for a minute. "Alright Matt, if it doesn't work you promise to tell me the real story?" "I promise. Let's go into the locker room. People going by can see us out here." "Ok Matt, we're in the locker room. What's the experiment? Don't tell me your going to switch our bodies?" Doug started laughing. "That's exactly what I'm planning to do. At least that's what I'm hoping to do.", I said concerned. "Fine, let's get this over with." I handed Doug the other ring. "Here put this on." "So now what? I've put on the ring, now were suppose to put them together and switch bodies, right?" I could tell Doug was just humoring me. I knew if this didn't work, Doug would storm out of here and never want to talk to me again. "Ok Doug, I just wanted to let you know what's about to happen. When we put the rings together the room is going to darken, you'll feel a cool breeze swirling around you, and there will be a surge of energy that will flow through your body." "Got it, Matt." I had a feeling that Doug wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying, and whatever he had listened to he didn't believe at all. "Ready Doug?" "Yeah, sure Matt."

Doug and I put the rings together. Nothing happened. "Now we have to concentrate on switching bodies. Close your eyes and concentrate." We both closed our eyes. Still nothing happened. "We should stare at our own ring and speak out loud our desire. You should say "I want Matt's body" and I'll say that I want your body." "Matt come on, enough is enough." "Please Doug, just humor me for a little while longer." "Ok, I'll give you one more minute." "Great... ready, get set, 1, 2, 3, go!" We both made our demands to the rings, "I want Matt's body." "I want Doug's body." We waited. Still nothing happened. "I don't understand Doug. I was sure that it was going to work. I don't know what went wrong?" "Sorry Matt, I know you really believed that we were going switch bodies. When you decide to tell me the real story give me call, until then I don't want to hear any more of your fairy tales." Doug grabbed his clothes and got dressed. I decided to get dressed too. I thought I might be able to convince Doug that I hadn't made up the whole thing. We heard a voice behind us. "Those who don't wish to believe, make the possible... impossible." Surprised, we both turned around. Mr. Asito was in the doorway. "Hi Mr. Asito, it's me David." "Yes David, I know it is you." "Oh great, you've got Mr. Asito in on your little joke too.", Doug said sarcastically. Mr. Asito turned to face Doug, "David cares a great deal for you. He would never do anything to hurt you. Why is it so hard for you to believe in something that is beyond this world?" Before Doug could answer, Mr. Asito placed his fingers on Doug's face. Doug stood there unable to move. He looked like he was in a trance. "You must release your mind. You must release your doubt. Now you can believe." Mr. Asito removed his hand, then turned to me. "I can see Doug is a very special to you. Be patient with him. He will come around soon enough." He winked at me, then headed out the door."Are you ok Doug?" "I think so. I feel pretty strange." "Mr. Asito had done the same thing to me. That's how he found out I wanted to be Matt."

"You ARE Matt. Oh, never mind. I just want to get out of here." "Come on Doug. Let's try it one more time, please." "You're not going to let up are you?" "Please Doug. Just humor me." "If I do, then will you leave me alone and let me go home?" "Yes, I swear." "Ok, one last time." Doug and I put the rings together again. "Concentrate on your ring. You have to want the transformation to take place, otherwise it won't work." "Alright, I'm concentrating. I want your body. I want your body." I focused on my ring. "I want Doug's body." A few seconds had passed. "Matt I feel strange, like I'm burning up." "Me too. I think it's beginning." We both looked down at the rings. They were starting to glow. "Matt what's happening?" "It worked. We're going to switch bodies!" The lights began to dim. A cool breeze started to flow around us. The energy from the rings slowly traveled up our arms and gradually enveloped our entire bodies. I grabbed Doug with my free hand and pulled him against me. I smiled at him. Doug looked frightened. "Don't worry Doug, if you don't fight it, it won't hurt as much." "Ok! I'll try not to fight it." "Give me a kiss for good luck." "A kiss?" I reached up and kissed Doug and held him tight. We continued kissing passionately when the transformation started. I could feel my body begin to change. My shoulders were getting wider, my waist was tightening. My abs were shifting position. I could feel Doug's body changing while we were pressed up against each other. My legs and torso were stretching taller. When we separated from our kiss we were exactly the same height. "Matt this is incredible! I'm becoming you!" "I know isn't this amazing!" We sounded exactly alike. I continued to grow taller and wider.

Doug was shrinking before my eyes. He had lost 4 inches in height in a matter of seconds. I watched as his features changed into Matt's. He slowly morphed from a blue-eyed blonde Nordic to a black-eyed black-haired Roman. I could feel my features changing as I watched Doug changing into me. Gradually the transformation ended. The rings separated and our arms dropped to our sides. Doug and I stood there staring at each other's new body. "Matt this is unbelievable! You've got my body! Wow, I sound just like you" "Like I've been trying to tell you... I wasn't Matt, I was David. Now do you believe me?" "Yeah, I guess I have to now, since I'm standing here in Matt's body. I've got to see what I look like naked." Doug ripped off his clothes and began to pose in front of the mirror. "David what's going on?" "What do you mean?" "Look at my dick. It's only 5-inches long. When you had Matt's body it was 9-inches. What happened?"Kevin locked the office door. "I thought we might want to have some privacy, David." Matt was nervous and excited at the same time. "Sure Kevin. Uh, what did you have in mind?" Kevin smiled, grabbed Matt and pulled him tight against his body. Matt was getting aroused at how aggressive Kevin was. Matt slowly placed his hands on Kevin's torso. He could feel Kevin's well defined abs through the tight muscle-t. He moved his hands over his thick chiseled chest and hard biceps. He could feel how powerful and masculine Kevin was. Now he understood why David was so turned on by Matt's own body, because now he found Kevin's muscles incredibly sexy.

Still, he kept wondering why a stud like Kevin would be attracted to a scrawny guy like David. Suddenly he felt his dick stirring in his shorts. It was getting hard. Not only was it getting hard. It was starting to get a lot longer and thicker too. Kevin looked down and saw Matt's dick growing in his shorts. "Dave, I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am." Matt's dick pushed it's way out of his shorts. The head of his penis was sticking out about an inch. "Oh my God, I've got a 9-inch dick again!" "It looks incredible, and so do you." Kevin passionately kissed Matt. Matt was surprised how wonderful it felt having his lips pressed against Kevin's. He loved the feeling of Kevin's goatee as it rubbed against his face. Kevin plunged his tongue into Matt's mouth. Matt felt like he was melting into Kevin. It was like they were becoming one with each other. He grabbed Kevin's firm round ass and squeezed it tightly, and slowly moved his hands up to Kevin's muscular back, then over his hard, massive shoulders. Matt's dick was hard as a rock. He suddenly pulled away from Kevin. Kevin looked puzzled. "What's wrong David?" "I'm not sure. I've never had these feelings for a man before. I can't help but wonder why you're even attracted to a guy like me?" "That's simple. You're the sweetest, nicest, most caring guy I know. I'd be crazy not to be in love with you." "In love? You're in love with David? Um, I mean me." Kevin smiled. "David, sometimes you are so slow." Kevin leaned over and kissed Matt tenderly on the lips."Doug I think I know what happened. When we switched bodies, my 9-inch dick must have returned to my old body." "Oh, I guess that makes sense.

That wasn't part of Matt's body, so it wouldn't transfer with him." "I'm sure Matt must have been pleasantly surprised.", I said. "Well David, even with a 5-inch cock, Matt's body is incredible. I've fantasized about being intimate with Matt hundreds of times. Now I'm actually him! This is so unreal." Doug was looking in the mirror, feeling the contours of his face. "I know. I couldn't believe it when Matt and I switched bodies. I've always dreamed of having a body like that. I'm not really looking forward to giving it back." "Who says you have to give it back right away?" "Eventually I'll have to trade back. It's not fair to Matt. That is his body after all." "I guess your right, David." "Earlier today I used the rings to shrink Matt into a 120 lb. weakling, while I grew into a 6-foot-3, 270 lbs monster. Having that kind of power turned me into someone that I didn't like very much." "Well, what are going to do?" "I'm going to go over to Ripples and switch bodies with Matt. Will you come with me?" "Sure. But do we have to leave right this second? Why don't we get in the shower and have some fun?" "Sounds terrific, Doug." "First, I want to switch back into my own body. I don't think I can make love to my own body. That's just too weird." "My thoughts exactly. Besides, I'm looking forward to sticking Matt's dick up your ass." I gave Doug a wicked smile. Doug laughed... "Oooh, you're such a charmer David." I snapped the rings back together. I few minutes later Doug was back in his body, and I was Matt again. We kissed each other and headed for the showers. We spent the next 2 hours making love as the warm water cascaded over our muscular bodies. It was the most beautiful experience both of us had ever had. We finally left the showers, walked over to the lockers and toweled each other off. We stared at each other for a moment, knowing that we would never see each other like this again. We embraced in a kiss.

Then we smiled at each other and headed out the door."David, how about going back to my place?", Kevin said. Matt didn't know what to do. He had never felt such a strong attraction to anyone, let alone a man. The thought of being intimate with Kevin was very exciting. Then he thought about Kevin feelings. He was in love with David. Not someone else inside of David's body. He knew if there were any chance of having an honest relationship, he would have to tell Kevin the truth somehow. He wasn't sure how he was going to do it. "Kevin, I'd love to go back to your place. But, I have something I need to tell you first." "Let me guess, it's another man?" "No, not exactly. Actually, I'm another man." "What do you mean? You've got multiple personalities?" "I know you're not going to believe me, but this morning I was Matt Johnson, a personal trainer at World Gym. I had a huge muscular body, just like you." Kevin just stared at Matt with a blank look on his face. Matt continued, "David and I found these rings in our lockers. We put them on and snapped them together. A few minutes later I was in David's body, and he had my body. Mr. Asito, the guy that gave us the rings, told me that I needed to look within myself before I could return to my body. I think I've done that. I discovered that I had kept my real feelings buried deep inside and I was taking it out on everybody else by being a pompous homophobic bully." "Wow David, that's quite an imagination you've got there. That would make a really cool episode of the X-Files. But if you don't want to go back to my place, just say so. I'll understand." Matt was getting frustrated. He had to think of some way to convince Kevin.Doug and I arrived at Ripples. We walked in and found Brian sitting at the bar by himself. Matt wasn't there. "Brian where is Matt?", I said. "Hey, David! Um, I mean Matt.", Brian smiled. "Never mind that. What happened to Matt?"

"Oh, he's having a very private meeting with Kevin. I wouldn't disturb them if I were you." "Don't worry. He'll be glad to see me. Come on Doug, let's go." We headed upstairs."Kevin, I do want to go back to your place. It's just that I wanted you to know that you wouldn't be with the person you thought you were with." Kevin looked really confused. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I find it really cute that you're trying so hard to convince me that you're not David." "Did I ever show an interest in being with you before?" "We'll not really. You said I was very attractive, but that you had this major crush on a guy named Doug." "That's the other personal trainer at the gym! David knew that Doug wanted to be with me, I mean Matt. That's why he wanted to be me. David was in love with Doug, and the only way he could have a chance with him was to become Matt. Then it really happened. We swapped bodies. While I was David, I realized that I was a gay man pretending to be this macho straight guy. Then I saw you standing there behind the bar, and I suddenly knew that I wanted to be with you." Kevin had a worried look on his face. "David, I think you actually believe your own wild story. I'm starting to get concerned. Maybe you need some sort of medication or therapy." "I swear Kevin, I'm telling you the truth!"I knocked on the door. Kevin said, "Come on in."

Doug and I walked in. "Hi Matt. Hi Kevin. Sorry to bother you two.", I said. "Who are you?", Kevin asked, "...and why did you call David, Matt?" "Well, that's sort of hard to explain." "Don't tell me, let me guess, you're David, right?" "How did you know? Did Matt tell you?" "Ok, a joke's a joke, but this is really sick. I'm getting out of here." Kevin headed for the door. Doug blocked his path. "He's telling the truth. I think you ought to hear him out. In fact, David came here to tell Matt something important." Kevin stopped and turned around. "Fine, I can't wait to hear this." I walked over to Matt. "I've decided to swap bodies with you, permanently. Having this kind of power over someone is too destructive. I don't like the person I've become." "Really David? That's funny... ever since I became you, I got to know the real me inside. I discovered that I'm also gay, and that I was so afraid that I was taking it out on you and your friends. I'm truly sorry for being so abusive and for trying to hurt you earlier today." I could see that Matt was sincere in his apology. "I forgive you Matt. Now let's get back in our own bodies." I instructed Doug and Kevin to stand back. I could tell by the look on Kevin's face that he didn't believe any of this. I gave Matt the other ring. He slipped it on his finger. "Ok Matt, here goes." We snapped the rings back together. "Matt you go first", I said. Matt stared down at the rings, "I want to become Matt again." I focused my thoughts on the rings, "I want to become David again." Rings began to glow. The room lights began to dim. A cool breeze started to envelop us. Kevin looked frightened and started to back up towards the door. Doug grabbed him and told him it would be ok. The glow of energy covered our bodies one more time. I could see a change happening under Matt's clothing. His chest was expanding. His arms started to fill out with muscle. His waist was tightening. I could see his abs forming. I felt myself growing taller, becoming weaker. I saw my arms deflating. Kevin couldn't believe his eyes. He realized that Matt was telling the truth. Matt's legs swelled with muscle. He burst out of his shirt. It fell to the floor in tattered rags. His chiseled chest glistened from the sweat trickling down his v-shaped torso. His shoulders continued to widen as his lats filled in.

A few minutes later the transformation ended. We stood facing each other in our old bodies.Kevin walked over to Matt. "That was incredible. If I hadn't been here I never would have believed it. You were telling me the truth. You really are Matt... and if you don't mind me saying so, you are gorgeous." "Thanks Kevin. I was hoping that some day I'd be able to kiss you in this body. That day is today." Matt reached over and passionately kissed Kevin. Kevin reciprocated by grabbing Matt in a tight embrace. "Why don't we head back to my place and you can tell me the entire story. Then afterwards, who knows?" "Sure thing Kevin. See you later guys." Matt and Kevin heading out the door."Well Doug, I guess I'd better head back to the gym and return the rings to Mr. Asito." "I'll go with you David." On the way back to the gym, Doug and I started to talk. "David, I much as wish you were still in Matt's body, I think you made the right decision by switching back with him. You were living in a fantasy world, even though it was a wonderful fantasy, it was just that... a fantasy." "I know. I'm really going to miss having those awesome muscles and that handsome face." "David, you're handsome in your own way. You're a really sweet, caring guy. Don't forget that." I grabbed Doug's hand. "I won't Doug. Thanks."We arrived at the gym and walked into the locker room. There sweeping up the floor was Mr. Asito. "Hi Doug. Hi David. I see you've returned to your body. Very interesting." "I didn't like the person I had become when I had the power of the rings, so I came back here to return them to you." I handed Mr. Asito the rings. "Very impressive David. That kind of power can corrupt the most noble of people. It is a wise man that makes the difficult choice that will benefit him down the road of life." "Thank you, Mr. Asito." "Please, call me Daniel." "Ok, Daniel. I just wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to live out a terrific fantasy." "It was my pleasure David. But this fantasy is not over quite yet." "What do you mean?" "To reward you for your truly unselfish act, I want you to put the rings together one last time." Mr. Asito placed one ring on each of my hands. He turned me to face the full length mirror. "Now David, join the rings." I looked over at Doug for his opinion.

Doug smiled and shook his head. I looked down and snapped the rings together. Mr. Asito held his hands over the rings and spoke a lengthy incantation. His hands started to glow with a bluish-white aura. A bolt of energy went from his hands into the rings. The rings began to ebb and flow with the blue and white glow. Slowly the glow made it's way up my arms, over my shoulders, up to my neck. It gradually covered my face. I looked in the mirror and saw it move down my torso until it enveloped my entire body. The lights flickered then went completely out. The only light in the room was emanating from my body. I could feel a cool breeze swirling around me. Mr. Asito spoke, "Now it shall begin."I looked in the mirror and saw my body start to change. All of the fat around my waist slowing began to disappear. In about 30 seconds, I was totally lean. There wasn't an ounce of fat anywhere on my body. I looked like the volleyball players I had always admired at the beach. I thought it was nice that Mr. Asito had given me the gift of a lean fit body. I took off my shirt and waited for the glow to subside, but it didn't.

The glowing started to get even brighter. My waist began to narrow and tighten. I could see my oblique muscles developing on my sides. My stomach started to flatten. I rubbed my stomach with my hand and felt a six-pack of abs forming right under my skin. I watched as they slowly grew out from my tightening torso. My abs were now hard as a rock. "Doug, look what's happening to me! Look at my abs!" "I know David. It's incredible!" My rib cage was expanding. My chest started to grow outward and down. I could feel the muscle forming, getting thicker. It felt like I had two slabs of stone attached to my body. In a matter of seconds, I had a massive chiseled chest hanging over my ripped abs. Then my arms started to move away from my sides. My lats were growing at an accelerated rate. My arms were hanging at least a foot away from my waist. My shoulders started to burn. I looked to my right and saw my shoulder swelling with muscle. Then my 13-inch arms expanded to a solid 19-inches. My forearms thickened.

I looked down and watched my legs as they continued to grow. My quads and hamstrings blossomed out. Becoming full and thick. The huge muscles looked like they were carved into my leg. When I flexed my thigh I could see all of the muscle groups separate. My calves suddenly ballooned to 3-times their size. "It is not over, look in the mirror, David." Mr. Asito requested. I looked up and saw my face changing. My jaw-line was becoming more angular. My chin was more square. My nose was narrowing, becoming straighter. My cheekbones were moving up my face. My lips were becoming more sensual, fuller. My eye color changed from a brownish grey to a crystal clear sky blue. My eyebrows filled in, looking thicker and making my eyes look even more sexy. When I smiled I saw 32 perfect teeth smiling back at me. Then as quickly as it began, it had ended. The breeze died down. The lights gradually came back on. The glow encompassing my body vanished. "The transformation has finished.", Mr. Asito has proclaimed. I stared at my image in the mirror. I was even a more spectacular specimen that Matt. I couldn't believe it was actually me. Then I wondered, "Daniel who have I become? I didn't have the ring connected to anyone else.", I said in a much deeper voice. "This is the real you, David. Standing before you is what you would have become if only the best parts of you had been able to develop.

The rings filtered out the worst parts of your genetic code, leaving you with what you see before you." "I think I understand." Doug walked over. "David, you look amazing! You're even larger than me!" "I know. This is unbelievable." "I think the two of you have a lot to discuss." Mr. Asito winked and smiled. I handed Mr. Asito the rings and gave him a big bear hug. I turned to Doug, "You know I love you, Doug. Do you think you can learn to love the new me?" "There's only one way to find out." Doug put his hands on my face and gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. "I think I might be able to used to the new you!" Doug had a big smile on his face. We both laughed. Then we put our arms around each other's waist and headed out the door together. Doug and I had a feeling this was the beginning of something wonderful.

-- The End --

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Yesterday was a busy day of meetings and airplane travel for peter and connor but last night peter took some time to share his thoughts on the passing of the great christopher lee christopher lee was the tallest actor I ever knew he was also by far the most literate when we first met in a los angeles studio where he was recording his lines as king haggard in the last unicorn he had just recorded haggard’s speech about his first sight of unicorns and I mentioned that it was probably my favorite speech in the book he immediately wanted to know well did I do it properly we can always redo it right here of course he’d handled the lines perfectly but writers and writers’ opinions about their work mattered intensely to christopher that same afternoon we discovered that between the two of us we we could call to mind just about all the lines of g k chesterton’s poem the rolling english road we also discovered a mutual need to hit the men’s room and my son dan in his mid teens at the time still has a very clear memory of christopher simultaneously peeing while declaiming in that voice which no one could ever keep from imitating after fifteen minutes with him before the roman came to rye or out to severn strode the rolling english drunkard made the rolling english road a reeling road a rolling road that rambled round the shire and after him the parson ran the sexton and the squire I leave it to the reader to imagine that voice in the tiled acoustics of a hollywood bathroom we met a second time in munich where the last unicorn was being dubbed into german most of my memories of that time and of chris lee have to do with books and authors he had known both j r r tolkien and a writer who mattered more to me t h white we had a long ongoing argument in munich about a chapter of the sword in the stone that appears in the english edition of the book but not in the american one he turned out to be right he usually was he never failed to mention the last unicorn as one of his very 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and spent a good half of the day roaming with other tourists around a legendary concentration camp peering blindly into the huge crematoriums but staring with equal horror and fascination at the endless rows of filing cabinets containing every record of every human being who was ever imprisoned starved gassed or simply worked to death in this place michael and I grew quieter and quieter that afternoon until by the time we started back to munich we weren’t speaking at all I think we both felt that we might say anything in words again the first person we met in the hotel lobby was christopher he took one look at us and announced you’ve been to dachau we nodded without answering chris strode toward us looked all the way down from his six foot five inch altitude lowered his voice and inquired still smells doesn’t it with the end of world war ii christopher as a member of the special forces and whose five or six languages included fluent german had been assigned to hunt down and interrogate 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should they it would inevitably come out parody however earnestly meant yet there was always more to christopher lee as an actor than dracula or the mummy or saruman or sherlock holmes for that matter though he was very proud of having played not only both holmes and watson but sherlock’s brother mycroft as well lord summerisle of the original the wicker man probably his favorite of his own movies is most likely closer to chris’s dark benignity than any other role he ever inhabited I believe this because lord summerisle sings a surprising amount in that movie and chris passionately loved singing if there is any such thing as an afterlife or reincarnation I truly hope no believe that christopher lee will return as a wagnerian opera singer if he hadn’t been considered too old in his 30s to be accepted for formal vocal training he might have been in his own eyes at least a happier more fulfilled man but we would have been deeply poorer for it and never have known See Other related 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#Great #Dane #5 #Things #You #Should #Know #About #This #Woman

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boredout305 · 4 years

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Kat Talley Jones (Urinals/100 Flowers)

John Talley-Jones and Kat Talley-Jones, Santa Barbara, California, circa late 1978/1979.

Kat Talley-Jones was an early photographer of The Urinals and 100 Flowers. She is the lyricist of “Ack Ack Ack Ack” and has compiled an impressive 1978 to 1983 gigography of The Urinals and 100 Flowers. Talley-Jones is the wife of the bands’ bassist and vocalist John Talley-Jones.

Professionally, Talley-Jones is an independent exhibit developer and writer. She’s worked on teams that created the Dinosaur Hall and Nature Lab at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County and visitor center exhibits at Mammoth Cave National Park, Devils Tower National Monument, Badlands, National Park, Stones River National Battlefield, and Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area among many others.

Talley-Jones is still involved with The Urinals and 100 Flowers, taking photos and contributing in countless other ways, something she’s done since the late 1970s.

Interview by Ryan Leach

This interview originally ran on Razorcake’s website.

Ryan: Where did you meet John (Talley-Jones)?

Kat: Like John, I come from a military background. I was born in Italy. I later lived in Japan, the (Washington) D.C. area and Iran. I met John at the University of Texas at Austin. We gravitated towards the same circle. There were Texans and then there were army brats. We had a different frame of reference than other people did.

John was walking down the hall of the dorm I lived in. I had pulled a picture out of the NME of Kevin Ayers and put it on my door. Kevin Ayers was wearing some blue silk jacket. It was a great photo. I loved Kevin Ayers, The Soft Machine and the Ayers, Cale, Nico, Eno album.

Ryan: That’s a great live record.

Kat: Yeah. My roommate was a lesbian, so we had a nude pinup of a woman on the door too which was very scandalous—we hoped.

Ryan: At that time in Texas it was. Even in Austin.

Kat: Right. John and a friend of his were walking down the hall. They stopped, saw the photos on the door, and wondered, “Who lives here?” I opened the door and there was John, wearing blue eye shadow, black nail polish and a toothbrush around his neck (laughs). We got to know each other after that, running in the same circles. I went out with a guy and John went out with his sister—you know how it is being college aged. Everyone is switching partners.

John left UT. His parents thought—and maybe he did too—that film school would be better at UCLA than at UT. That probably wasn’t the case, but John left for California. My parents had moved from Iran to Redondo Beach. So we got back together again. It’s complicated.

Ryan: John had mentioned that he had moved to San Francisco before attending UCLA.

Kat: He was in San Rafael in Marin County. He lived with his aunt and uncle and worked at a bookstore in San Rafael. That was before he went to UCLA.

My parents went back to Iran. I moved in with my brother in Santa Barbara. I was living in Santa Barbara, John went to UCLA, and then we started going out. I did not see the first Urinals iteration when they played the talent show at UCLA. However, I did see the first three-piece show at UCLA with Kevin (Barrett), Kjehl (Johansen) and John. That was on the fourth floor of Dykstra Hall.

Ryan: Had your parents not moved back to California, would you have likely stayed in Austin?

Kat: Probably not. At that time, there wasn’t really a scene yet. It was sleepy. It was a place where you could get by getting stoned, paying $100 a month for an apartment. I was ambitious, but I didn’t happen to paint or anything. I didn’t love Austin. Just as I was leaving, friends of mine were forming The Huns. We would go to Raul’s and bands like the Skunks were playing. The Ramones and Patti Smith came through there. So there was stuff, but LA felt much more exciting.

Ryan: You mentioned The Huns. So you knew Phil Tolstead and the rest of the band?

Kat: Yes. Phil was an Air Force brat. We had a mutual friend named Victoria (Jones) who Phil went to see the Sex Pistols with in San Antonio. She had lived in London. We were people with a broader background. I can’t say that above everyone in The Huns. I’m still friends with Dan Puckett who played keyboards in the band. I knew their drummer, Tom Huckabee. My boyfriend at the time had a crush on him which was awkward (laughs). I was getting away from that situation too. My parents moving back played a part. But my brother was at UCSB and needed a roommate. I thought, “Well, I’ve got nothing going on in Austin, so I’ll live with him.”

Ryan: You took a lot of early Urinals photos—obviously, for most of their record sleeves. Was photography something you had been pursuing previously?

Kat: Well, I had a camera (laughs). It was just because I was there and I had one. I wasn’t really trying to be expressive. I didn’t take that many photos of shows; the cost of film and developing was expensive. Also, with the low light, the photos often came out horrible.

Ryan: You need an SLR and a lens with a low f-stop. Even then, results aren’t guaranteed.

Kat: I had a Canon FTb camera. I was the beneficiary of trickle down: my dad would get something new, and I’d get the old version of whatever he replaced it with. It was a nice camera that was unfortunately stolen. I didn’t take photographs as a means of self-expression. I just had a camera and I was standing there.

Ryan: If you don’t mind me digressing back a bit, did your parents have to flee Iran when the Shah fell or had they already moved back to the States? I can’t help but think that all of this—you having lived in Iran—played some part in the naming of “Surfin’ with the Shah.”

Kat: Yes, they did. They went on Christmas vacation and never went back.

Ryan: Amazing. I’m glad to hear they got out safely.

Kat: Yeah. My dad was an army officer. He liked that kind of excitement (laughs). I was in Iran and John would write me and send me punk mixtapes. Iran was very much on his mind. I would say that had a lot to do with naming of the song, “Surfin’ with the Shah.” But not the modality or anything.

Ryan: What years were you in Iran?

Kat: I was there when I was in high school, so 1970-1973. I then went to the University of Texas. I was an insane overachiever and graduated UT in three years. My parents moved back to Iran. I went to visit; I thought, “Why go back to the States? I can get a job here.” So I got a job typing repair logs for Bell Helicopter. I came back to the States with something on my resume: “I’ve had a job!” When I moved back to Austin, I was employed by a contractor that worked for the Air Force at what was then Bergstrom Air Force Base.

Urinals practicing at Dykstra Hall (UCLA). Photo by Kat Talley-Jones

Ryan: Going back to the early days of The Urinals, do you recall the first 7” EP (self-titled) coming out?

Kat: Oh, sure.

Ryan: You took the photo for the back cover. I can only imagine being part of a self-released 7” was pretty exciting back in 1978.

Kat: It was very exciting. I had been a prog fan. I loved Yes and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. It seemed so out of reach; what ordinary mortal could release a record? To think that you could control the means of production that way was amazing. I can’t remember if that’s the one with the taped piece of Super 8 film on it, but I certainly sat down with Kevin and Kjehl and taped pieces of film on one of the labels. I stuffed the singles too into the plastic bags. I would go around with John and we’d drop the records off to stores on consignment. I was still living in Santa Barbara. I recall going to record stores there. People were often extremely uninterested, because the records were so handmade looking. Not all of the record stores—even the independent ones—were interested in the DIY thing yet.

Ryan: I grew up in Newbury Park, between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. I found it surprising that The Urinals played an early show in Santa Barbara (at George’s on November 4, 1979). The recording was recently released as a live LP, Pin the Needles. You must have been the conduit for that show.

Kat: Yeah. There was a band that was playing up there, The Neighbors, and someone in the group worked at a record store in Goleta. I would go and hang out there and that’s how that connection was made. Santa Barbara doesn’t seem that likely, does it? There wasn’t much going on up there.

Ryan: Nearly zero. You don’t think of Santa Barbara and punk.

Kat: There was a little bit. There was The Rotters.

Ryan: That’s true. Lance Loud was from Santa Barbara.

Kat: But he had moved on.

Ryan: Right. To New York.

Kat: I lived in Isla Vista. The Rotters played a park there and I saw them. I would walk down the street and people would yell, “Hey, punk rock!” Nobody looked like that in Santa Barbara then. There was this club called The Fubar in Goleta. I saw Magazine play there. There were probably 15 people there. It was not a crowd. People didn’t know about them.

John might not frame it this way, but I was also pretty instrumental in setting up the Raul’s shows in Austin (March 27, 1978, and March 28, 1978).

Ryan: That’s interesting.

Kat: Phil Tolstead had been John’s roommate (at UT), so I can’t say that they weren’t close. But I had a connection with the Huns. The Urinals played with the Re-Cords (at Raul’s) which was Tom Huckabee from the Huns’ band. They also played with the Norvells which was Sally Norvell’s band. I don’t have a specific remembrance of setting the Raul’s shows up, but I was always writing letters to (Huns keyboardist) Dan (Puckett), Victoria (Jones) and less to Phil (Tolstead). Phil could hardly manage to write you back. We were in touch a lot. When the Huns had their bust (September 19, 1978), they sent me a T-shirt with the image of Phil being arrested by the police officer. I still have a photo of me wearing it. I think I have the original cover art for their 7”. Victoria painted the cover and sent it to me. I’ll have to look for it. I’ve got boxes filled with stuff.

Ryan: It’s pretty amazing that the first Urinals show outside of UCLA was in Austin at Raul’s. Do you recall trekking out there?

Kat: I think we drove out to Austin in Kjehl’s Chevy Caprice. It was a small Chevy; it wasn’t big. We crammed everyone in there. My particular gift is that I wake up very early. When everyone else can’t drive another moment, I’m starting to wake up. With the four of us we were able to make it to Austin in one shot. I think it was 27 hours. We just brought guitars. Kevin borrowed Tom Huckabee’s drums. We stayed with friends and drank a lot of frozen margaritas. I think those two shows at Raul’s happened over spring break (1978). That was the only time everyone could get together to leave town.

Ryan: That makes sense.

Kat: Yeah. We weren’t in school or working.

Urinals performing at a house party. Photo by Kat Talley-Jones

Ryan: Can you talk about writing “Ack Ack Ack Ack.” As far as I know, it’s your only songwriting credit, but it’s a great one.

Kat: Right. Why not stay on a highpoint? I had heard the news reports about Brenda Spencer, the girl who shot some kids in school. It was the same event that inspired the song “I Don’t Like Mondays” (by the Boomtown Rats). I was thinking about that. When I was a kid, as everyone does, I’d play war with friends. We’d chase each other around and pretend to shoot each other. The boys—I don’t know if it was genetic or what—but they could always make that machine gun sound better than I could. I was always jealous. They could vocalize “Ack Ack Ack Ack” and I couldn’t. It was a word you’d see in comic books. I always liked it as a sound. Why did I name the subject of the song Johnny? Possibly because of John.

Ryan: How did the music come together? You wrote the lyrics and John composed the music?

Kat: I wrote the lyrics. I typed them up. I was still in Isla Vista. I probably mailed them to John. But we saw each other virtually every weekend. I would drive down (to West Los Angeles) and occasionally he’d drive up. But John had an old Volkswagen that couldn’t get over the Conejo Grade.

Ryan: I lived right at the top of the Conejo Grade for years. I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Kat: Yeah. So John would take the Greyhound Bus to Santa Barbara and he’d smell like the bus for a day or two. It’d take a while to get that smell out.

Ryan: Los Angeles to Santa Barbara isn’t too far. Nevertheless, it’s still about a two-hour drive.

Kat: There would be a Urinals or 100 Flowers show. Afterwards, I’d sleep until about 4 AM. And then I’d scoot out when there was no traffic to work. I had a Buick Skyhawk with a V6 engine. It was a terrible car; the clutch cable would always break. I’d drive it straight to work. It’s no wonder why I didn’t get the best performance reviews.

Ryan: Do you recall taking the photo for the Presence of Mind 7” EP? It has a real dada feel to it.

Kat: John came up with the idea. I think it was taken at Kevin’s apartment. I don’t know why it was just John and Kjehl (on the front cover). It feels like Kevin was developing in another direction. He had gotten extremely political. I wrapped them up in newspaper and took the photo. That one turned out nice because the black and white was more saturated. It seemed like the photos for the other albums were washed out. We may have had a rudimentary darkroom; it’s possible we made the prints ourselves. That sounds like something we would’ve done. It’s insane to me that we have so few photos. We just couldn’t afford it at the time.

Ryan: You’ve compiled an amazing Urinals and 100 Flowers gigography. How did you put it together?

Kat: I had these tiny datebooks my dad would get from the USAA. I would get one and he’d keep one. When we lived in Iran, I’d make daily notes. What I was doing in Tehran, the dates I’d been on and other things. I had a habit of making daily notes. Later on, I went back to those little pocket calendars and made that gig list. It’s moderately accurate.

Ryan: It’s an incredible resource. I didn’t realize 100 Flowers played Phoenix with the Meat Puppets (on October 17, 1981). I thought those early shows at Raul’s in Austin was the only time the early incarnation of the band left California.

Kat: We drove in Seabiscuit—the name I gave my horrible Buick Skyhawk. Again, it was Kevin, John, Kjehl and I and we drove straight to Phoenix. We left early. I remember Savage Republic drove out too and played; they might have been called Africa Corps then. I did take some decent photos of that show. It was at a boxing ring (Phoenix Madison Square Gardens). There’s a nice one of John and David Wiley that I took. David was in Human Hands.

Ryan: The Consumers too.

Kat: Right. We stayed at David’s house. Bruce Licher and the other Savage Republic guys stayed with the Meat Puppets at their place. The Savage Republic guys were pretty clean cut, but the Meat Puppets took acid and were playing cowboys and Indians over them all night.

Ryan: That makes sense.

Kat: Yeah (laughs). It was always kind of a blitzkrieg thing. We actually spent one night in Arizona. 100 Flowers played in San Francisco. We drove up for the gig and then drove back home (to Los Angeles) afterwards. It was pretty horrendous.

Ryan: I’ve done Los Angeles to Phoenix and back to see a show. It’s pretty rough.

Kat: It’s doable.

Ryan: I did it in my early twenties. I’d just spring for a motel now.

Kat: Yeah. I mean, if they were playing in San Diego now, we’d stay the night at a hotel. We drove back from a show in San Diego one time. A truck tire bounced over the center divider and hopped over us, hitting the car behind us. That was scary.

Ryan: With the benefit of hindsight, it’s interesting seeing The Urinals evolve. You can hear their musicianship develop on each EP. Eventually, they’d release compilations like Keats Rides a Harley on their own imprint, Happy Squid. I picture The Shaggs evolving like that had they actually wanted to be in a band. There aren’t many similar examples. Maybe The Raincoats? I can’t think of any at the moment from Los Angeles.

Kat: They learned more and more as they went along. I don’t think they initially had aspirations to release, say, Keats Rides a Harley or The Happy Squid Sampler. An LP was unthinkable when they started. I’m sure John and Kjehl have mentioned this, but getting a mentor like Vitus (Mataré) was key. Vitus knew how to do things. Obviously, being in The Last he had a much broader reach. They knew Gary Stewart (The Last’s manager) and people who were more record business savvy. But there was never any aspiration to get picked up by a record label. That was also unthinkable. It wasn’t a political thing: “We’re pure of heart. We’re not going to sign.” But who would’ve signed The Urinals in that era? There was some interaction with Greg Shaw at Bomp! It seemed like it was all a natural progression. It wasn’t aspirational—if that makes sense.

Ryan: It does. The Urinals and 100 Flowers weren’t trying to get on Enigma Records.

Kat: Right. I think it was really satisfying to put out friends’ work. I think about the little Happy Squid Sampler (1980). Getting stuff out by Neef and Phil Bedel (“Bells in Ice” 45, 1980). I’m not going to say it was done out of generosity of spirit; they’d just figured out how to do it. John is extremely thrifty and a monetarily conscious person. Doing things as cheaply as possible resonated with him. They were playing with all of these great bands—Leaving Trains, Meat Puppets, and Gun Club—and they had simply figured out how to get records made. So they did it without being careerist. It was coming from an artistic standpoint.

Ryan: Do you recall the last two 100 Flowers shows at the Anti-Club (January 28 and 29, 1983)? I think that was the only time the band headlined a bill.

Kat: Oh yeah. It was so crazy—it was celebratory, but it was also the end of the band. There was that psychological development: celebrating and mourning at the same time. I don’t know why, but it always seemed like 100 Flowers played when it was raining. That’s true up until the present. I think the Anti-Club shows happened during an El Nino year. It was really wet outside; everyone at the club was wet. It was humid; the walls were dripping. The Minutemen played. It was a lot of fun. I remember thinking, “Why couldn’t it have been like this all the time?” But people didn’t appreciate them until they were ending the band.

The second night was with the Leaving Trains and The Last. I don’t remember that show being as wild as the one where The Minutemen played. But how could it ever be?

Ryan: With the release of the Negative Capability compilation and reunion in 1996, it seemed like folks caught up with the Urinals. It was the same thing with Mission of Burma when they reunited.

Kat: Yes. Honestly, I think some of it had to do with the singles being collectors’ items. They were being bootlegged back in the 1990s. “Oh, that band I paid $100 for their 7” is reforming.” Perhaps I’m wrong on that

Ryan: I think you’re right. I was in New York City two years ago and I went to Almost Ready Records. They had just gotten the first Urinals 7” EP in. I remember saying, “Oh, wow! That’s the first one I’ve seen in the wild.” It has an effect.

Kat: Oh really?

Ryan: Yeah. I’d never seen an original copy of the first 7” before. Those records suck you in. We were talking about Vitus and The Last earlier: I recall seeing a test press of Look Again (1980)—obviously, the record was never released—on the wall at Amoeba for hundreds of dollars in the mid-2000s. It sticks with you. Especially with self-released records like The Urinals 7”s. They had an initial small pressing, limited distribution, and often record labels—with or without a band’s approval—will repress titles once used copies hit a certain price. If you released it and you’re not repressing them, prices go up and they sometimes get pirated.

Kat: It always irritated me. The band never saw any of that money. Like I said, John was very thrifty. I’m sure he wasn’t in the red. But they weren’t sold for much originally. I don’t know how many copies of the first EP we have. I’d be surprised if it was five. You wanted them out in the world.

Ryan: You’re still involved with the Urinals and 100 Flowers. I see you’re still taking photographs. It’s amazing seeing them play places like Belgium and China.

Kat: Yeah. I always thought they were doing interesting things. It wasn’t random. I had mentioned that their records being scarce had some allure, but they were doing something different. They continue to. All of John’s iterations of the band have been good. There are things I’ve liked more than other things. There have been times where I’ve liked the band less than at other times. But they’ve persisted because they have merit. All of the band members have a vision. I believe in it. There have been times where I’ve been busy with my own work and haven’t gone to shows. As I mentioned earlier, I wake up early, so having a set start at midnight isn’t always my favorite thing. But I enjoy watching them play. I think John appreciates that if I think something sucks that I’ll tell him. But not with an axe to grind.

Kat and John today, photo by Pat Aldarete.

#urinals #100flowers #kattalleyjones #johntalleyjones #ackackackack #happysquid

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itsdaggerandsheath · 4 years

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An Introduction to Sex (Part 2)

To be quite honest with you, I don’t know when Fanfiction first really became popular or mainstream, nor do I know if it’s still those things. What I do know though was that it was a huge influence on my knowledge of sexuality as I was growing up. A good chunk of my education on sex as an… ”activity”, rather than solely a means of reproduction, came from Fanfiction.

It’s occurring to me that perhaps some people reading this may not know what Fanfiction is, so I suppose I should attempt to explain it before I really get on with the story.

Have you ever watched a TV show and really wished that your two favorite characters would just fall in love already?! With Fanfiction, you can write your own perfect story on how you picture that special moment happening, then publish it online for other people to read. Have you ever had a massive celebrity crush that you just wish would notice you? You can write a Fanfiction all about said celebrity falling for a character based on you! Anything goes with Fanfiction, really. Do you think the singer of your favorite band is into BDSM? Write a fic about them tying you up and ass-fucking you (or a character that you come up with) until the ropes make your wrists bleed. What about a disturbingly specific and detailed fic about your favorite band members squirting milk up the bottom’s asshole to clean out for anal sex (with more emphasis on the milk than the sex itself)? Yup, that exists. What about a fic involving your favorite YouTubers in which a live hamster is shoved up the sub’s asshole and the dom fills an entire hat with semen? Yes, it’s out there. (Bonus points to anyone who knows which fics I’m referring to).

While some Fanfictions are wonderfully crafted love stories full of heart and passion, others…aren’t. And hey, smut is fine, I’ve read *cough* and written *cough* plenty of it myself. But surely, you would think, that the more explicit Fanfictions wouldn’t be accessible to those under the age in which it would be appropriate to read them, right?

Wrong.

I was eleven years old.

I’d first come to discover Fanfiction through my favorite Disney television show at the time, Austin and Ally. Yes, that show that Ross Lynch was on. It was my favorite show in my tweens, and I wanted the two main characters – Austin and Ally, obviously – to end up becoming a couple so badly. My original goal was to see if maybe the writers of the show had hinted at the possibility of the two characters becoming a couple in an interview or something. So, I pulled out my phone – because my parents thought it was smart to let an eleven year old have a cellphone with full Internet access – and simply typed in, “When will Austin and Ally get together?”

I did not find an interview with the show’s writers – instead, I found chatrooms, wiki forums, and YouTube videos from young people like myself who all had the same opinions on the subject as myself. I then clicked on a link that I thought was just going to be a post on some website from someone talking about how they wanted these characters to end up together like I did, but it was actually a link to a story on Fanfiction.net that I read and finished in the same day. From then on, I was hooked.

Now, right away, I noticed that these stories had a rating system. I’m not sure if the rating system for Fanfiction.net has changed at all since it’s been years since I’ve been on there, but at the time, it was something like rated G, PG, T, and M (there might have been a T+ in between T and M, but I don’t remember). As I was eleven at the time, I stuck to the G and PG stories. Who would write rated M stories about a Disney show anyway? Oh, how naïve I was.

One day, I read the summary for a new story that sounded exciting, so I opened it up without looking at the rating or the word count. All I saw was how many people at commented, so I figured it was a popular story that a lot of people liked! Turns out, it was a 300-word one-shot (meaning, it was a single chapter) consisting of Ally naked on her knees saying “please” over and over again while Austin rubs one out and eventually comes all over her face.

I would like to issue a formal apology to Ross Lynch and Laura Marano.

Seeing as I was eleven, I was traumatized, and was extra careful from then on (for a while, at least) to always check if the story was rated M.

I was just so confused. I’d grown up being told that touching yourself was wrong, so why was there a one-shot about it on Fanfiction. And why did he do it on her face?! Such a concept had been unheard of to me at the time (because I was eleven). I was disgusted. I felt sick. I felt dirty. I felt wrong.

I felt curious.

But I was so afraid that I’d read something else strange or that I’d never known people to do sexually, I was afraid of what I’d learn, that despite my curiosity, I didn’t intentionally click on a rated M fic again until I was twelve. By this time, I’d had my first period and a few more, so I’d officially began puberty and became even more curious about sexuality. So, I began to search specifically for rated M Fanfictions because I wanted to know more about what sex was like and I was too scared to watch porn (we’ll get to that in Part 3).

What I experienced while I read these sex scenes was something new, exciting. Why did I feel a throbbing sensation in my vulva? Why was I getting a tingling sensation like I had to pee? Why was my underwear getting wet? As I continued to read more and more of this erotic Fanfiction, I read about the female characters feeling similar sensations when they were feeling “aroused” or “horny”, which were new words for me. Why did I have to learn this through Fanfiction rather than in school?

I then showed my new discovery to all my friends (of course). I remember when my entire cheerleading team had a sleepover, I’d told two of my closest friends on the team that I’d found Fanfiction with sex in it. Later that night, as the three of us lay in our sleeping bags with me in the middle, we huddled together to read the erotica on my phone. I remember them asking me things like, “How do girls come?”, “What does *insert word here* mean?” and “How does *insert sexual act here* work?”. I remember I loved telling them what I knew, like I had some fantastic, secret knowledge, and that it was my duty to share it with everyone I knew my age. So, I did. Soon all my friends were reading smutty Fanfictions.

While still in my Disney phase, I ventured into the world of gay and lesbian fics as well. I didn’t know how sexual encounters worked between those of the same sex worked, so I read them more so out of curiosity rather than in search for arousal. However, I found that they aroused me anyway. I remember the first time I read a lesbian Fanfiction wishing I was in the characters’ shoes (I hadn’t realized I was bisexual yet, but that was a decent indicator), and then I read a fic with a threesome between two men and a woman and wondered why I hadn’t read it sooner.

Why hadn’t I learned how same-sex couples have sex at all in school? Why didn’t I learn that males having sex with other males should still use condoms? Or that females having sex with other females should use dental dams? Why did I have to learn about these through Fanfiction of all things?

By age fourteen, I had graduated from Austin and Ally and Fanfiction.net, and I eventually moved into my emo phase where I ventured into the world of band fics on Wattpad (I would also like to issue a formal apology to Chris Motionless and all of Motionless in White). It was here that I learned about BDSM – and Tumblr, but we’ll talk about that in Part 3. I was reading Wattpad stories about my favorite band, Motionless in White, and I’m pretty sure in every sex scene I ever read involving a girl and one of the band members (I mostly stuck to the ones about Chris because I adore him to this day) had mentions of spanking or some other form of impact play, and bondage was also seen very often, and occasionally a ball gag here and there. A common fantasy, it would seem, among young girls from all over the world who were probably far too young to be writing out such fantasies about men in their thirties. Oh yeah, sexual Fanfiction is plenty toxic too. I was fourteen reading brutal sex scenes about men who were way older than me, and a lot of the rougher/BDSM-esque fics were written in a way that made it seem like the sub was actually being raped as opposed to consenting to what was going on.

Luckily, I saw this pretty quickly and knew that it was wrong, and I made sure to stop reading a Fanfiction if it seemed to be portraying rape in a romantic light. It’s likely that the person who wrote the Fanfiction didn’t intentionally mean to make the “sex” scene look like rape (although, having a girl scream “No, I don’t want to!” but then all of the sudden enjoying it once the guy forces himself inside of her should very obviously be seen was wrong), and they were just uneducated.

And then, by age 16, I began reading exclusively gay Fanfiction about my favorite YouTubers, Dan Howell and Phil Lester – who I will not be issuing a formal apology to because they have stated that they whole-heartedly support Fanfiction, and have even gone as far as to read Fanfiction about themselves in videos, write Fanfiction about themselves for their book, and perform a parody of a Fanfiction about them live on stage in front of thousands of people. So. Anyway. I learned a lot about butt sex. Do you think they teach you about lube in school? Nah. But I learned about it from gay YouTuber Fanfiction.

In Part 3 (which will be the last part of this series) I’ll discuss how websites like Tumblr and YouTube shaped my views on sexuality before I actually started having sex, and both the positive and negative impacts they had on me. In the meantime, have you ever read an extremely sexual Fanfiction that lowkey traumatized you? Did you get the most of your sex education from a probably-not-reliable-source like I did? Tell me your stories in the comments, or feel free to message me on Instagram @daggerandsheath

I love you all and thank you so much for reading!

- Dagger and Sheath

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doomedhowell · 4 years

Text

Christmas Magic Is In The Air

Summary: December has come around once again, and Dan's feeling unusually super festive. Phil has no idea where all this festiveness has come from, but he can't complain when his boyfriend is being super adorable.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2,016

Written for phandomficfests christmas exchange!

For rants_and_bants

Thanks so much to @et-in-cinerem-reverteris on tumblr for beta'ing this, especially such last minute.

They’ve bought their first real house together. Everything seems to be going pretty smoothly for once, and Dan’s feeling pretty excited about how things are going.

Now the holidays have rolled around. It’s December first. Dan’s feeling more festive than usual.

So, when Phil comes home one day, he’s surprised when he sees boxes everywhere, and Christmas music playing rather loudly. But, he sees no sign of Dan anywhere, which is a little worrying.

“Dan?” Phil calls as he shrugs his winter jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack. He sighs when he doesn’t get a response from his boyfriend. When he doesn’t find Dan downstairs, he heads upstairs.

“Daniel!”

“What? I’m a little busy!”

Phil can’t help but laugh at Dan’s response. He then finds Dan in their storage closet, which is the last place he expected to find his boyfriend.

“Honestly, Daniel. What in the world is going on in this house? And, why is there Christmas music playing?” He blinks a few times when he hears noises coming from the wardrobe, and chuckles when Dan clumsily stumbles out.

“Dan.”

After quickly catching his balance, the younger boy looks up with an innocent smile, melting Phil’s heart at just how adorable the younger boy looks. “It’s finally December first, and I’ve been waiting all bloody year to be able to listen to Christmas music without any shame. Did you know the Jonas Brothers dropped a Christmas single? It’s brilliant!”

“Um, yes?” he blinks, Dan's reply confusing him. “You’re never usually this festive though. I mean, aren't I the one who usually has to drag you into being super festive?”

“Yeah, I know that, which is exactly why you should take advantage of this while you can,” Dan retorts, placing a hand on his hip.

“But Dan, we literally just finished unpacking the house like two weeks ago, and now the house is a mess again!” Phil exclaims, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “Who are you expecting to clean up this clutter?”

Dan honestly hadn’t thought of cleaning up after getting all the decorations up. It was the last thing on his mind due to all the festive activities he had planned. Which, speaking of… “Hold that thought, Phil,” comes the reply, as he races down the hallway to the bedroom.

Phil sighs, crosses his arms against his chest as he waits for Dan to return, and then he laughs when Pentatonix Christmas music starts playing a moment later. He looks over as a figure comes out of the bedroom. “Really, Dan?”

“What? You can’t have a proper Christmas without listening to Pentatonix!” he grins.

Phil shakes his head fondly. “Alright love, whatever you say!”

“Now, will you please help me take the tree downstairs? It’s the last thing I need out of the closet. Oh, and then we need to go shopping for more Christmas decorations because we hardly have any, and this is our first house together so we finally get to be as festive as we bloody well want!” Dan exclaims.

“Right. But you still haven’t answered my question about the mess,” Phil groans. “I hope you’re planning on cleaning this up!”

“Sure I will,” Dan says, grabbing Phil’s hand and pulling him into the closet.

Reluctantly, Phil helps Dan unearth the Christmas tree and carry it downstairs along with whatever other Christmas decorations they had left in the closet, before popping out to buy even more.

Although it’s strange to see Dan in such a festive mood, Phil can’t help but succumb to how cute it is.

When Dan and Phil return home after hours shopping, the living room is filled with even more clutter. The mess stresses Phil out, but he can’t bring himself to be angry in the face of Dan’s adorable enthusiasm for the holiday festivities.

“What are we doing first?” Phil asks, standing in the middle of the crowded living room. “Where do we even start?”

Dan responds with a “hm” as he glances around the area they're standing in. “Let’s start with the tree, then we’ll make our way around.”

“Fine. You get started on that, while I go and make some hot chocolate.”

Dan frowns, placing a hand on his hip. “Hang on just a bloody minute. Why do I get the hard job?”

“Well, to be fair, you’re the one who wanted to bring out all the Christmas decorations in the first place,” Phil argues, smirking when he sees the look on the other man’s face.

“Fine.” Dan grumbles. “Go make your stupid hot chocolate while I slave away here.”

Phil snorts at Dan’s response, placing a kiss on his cheek as he saunters off into the kitchen.

Dan sighs as he looks around at the mess they’ve made in the living room, before he grabs his phone and presses play on his Christmas playlist, grinning when Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas’ starts blaring through his phone speakers. “Now we’re fuckin’ talking,”

He walks over to the tree box and starts pulling out pieces, suddenly remembering how horrible it is to actually get the Christmas tree out and put it together. All he wants to do is decorate the tree and make it all nice and festive. Why does it take so much work?

About ten minutes later, Phil comes back into the living room with two mugs in his hand.

“Here you go my dear,” he says as he hands over one of the mugs.

“Thanks, babe. Holy shit. Are those mini marshmallows?” Dan asks excitedly when he glances at the hot chocolate.

“Well, obviously. You can’t have hot chocolate without marshmallows, and the mini ones are the best,” Phil grins, and laughs when his boyfriend leans over and kisses him.

“I knew there was a reason why I loved you,” Dan jokes.

Phil rolls his eyes playfully before taking a sip of his hot chocolate, smiling when he sees that Dan has almost finished putting up the Christmas tree.

“Wow. That was... oddly fast, Dan,”

Dan shrugs his shoulders, taking a sip of his own hot chocolate. “It was actually pretty easy to put up. It’s just a lot of work,” he groans.

“Well now comes the fun part. We get to decorate the tree!” Phil exclaims excitedly.

“It’s a good thing we bought all those new Christmas tree ornaments too,” Dan adds, reaching over and grabbing one of the bags full of festive decorations.

By the end of the night, the pair of them have finished decorating. Dan feels quite proud with how the tree turns - not only does it look great, but he and Phil did it together, and Dan enjoyed himself. He honestly has no idea what’s gotten into him, or why he’s in such a festive mood so early this year, but he’s not complaining. Not really.

Phil knows exactly what he’s getting Dan for Christmas. He’s been working on this gift for a while, and even though he’s excited, he’s also extremely nervous about Dan’s reaction. Who wouldn’t be?

Fast forward to December 25th - it’s Christmas morning at the Dan and Phil household and all the presents have finally been opened. Well, all presents except for one: Phil’s final present to Dan, and the one he’s most nervous about Dan opening.

“Wait a second, Phil, I think we actually missed a present- ” Dan says, sitting down in front of the tree.

“Huh? What do you mean?” Phil looks under the tree and sees the last present, having to pretend that he has absolutely no idea what’s inside. He reaches under the tree and grabs the little box, showing it to Dan. “Looks like it has your name on it, love!”

“Phil?” Dan asks, staring at curiously. “What have you done?”

Phil snorts. “What? What makes you think I’ve done anything?” He asks, smiling innocently. “Come on, Dan. It’s your present. You have to open it.” He hands the small black box over.

Dan rolls his eyes as he grabs the box, peering at the tag to see that it is from Phil. “You’ve spoiled me way too much this Christmas, Lester,”

Phil chuckles. “So, what? It’s Christmas. You’re supposed to spoil the ones you love,” he replies softly.

Dan carefully pulls the ribbon and tears the wrapping paper. He looks up at Phil once he starts to realize what the box holds inside.

“Phil?’ He asks as his heart starts pounding against his chest.

“Open it,” Phil urges, carefully scooting closer.

Dan shakes his head with a smile and finally pops the box open, gasping as soon as he sees the shiny, silver ring resting inside.

“Oh my… Phil,” he whispers, looking up at his boyfriend with pure shock. “Wha-?”

Phil clears his throat. “Well, um, this isn’t exactly how I was planning on doing this if I’m being honest, but I wanted to get you the perfect Christmas gift. It’s our first Christmas together in our new house, after all, and I had to make it extra special. Plus I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time anyway.”

Dan chuckles as he stares fondly. “Phil, babe, you’re rambling.”

“I am? Right! Right.”

Phil blushes as he gets up on one knee. He holds out the velvet box, ring sparkling as tears come to Dan’s eyes. Phil smiles reassuringly, trying to contain his own nervousness.

“Dan, I love you so much, and there’s no one else that I’d rather spend the rest of my life with than you. Will you-” he stops, pausing to collect himself so he can say the words properly.

“Will you marry me?”

Dan squeals the moment that Phil finishes the question, instantly nodding his head ‘yes’ without hesitation.

“Yes, yes, yes! Of course I’ll marry you, you- you absolute... spoon!” He laughs as a couple years slip out of his eyes, as then he throws his arms around Phil’s neck and hugs him tightly, laughing as they nearly fall over.

“Only you would insult me after being proposed to,”

“Oh, please. It’s a term of endearment, not an insult. Come on, you should know this after being with me for so many years.” He gently pulls away from the hug, keeping his arms around Phil’s neck, before leaning in for a long, passionate kiss.

“Fuck. I love you so fucking much, Phil,”

Phil smiles as he stares up at Dan. “I love you too, Bear. So much. Can I put the ring on you now? I've been waiting for this moment for weeks!”

“What? Oh,” Dan laughs as he looks down and sees the ring still in Phil’s hands, wiping his eyes. “Yeah. You can- You can go ahead and do that.”

Phil takes a deep breath as he takes the ring out of the box and carefully slips it onto Dan’s finger. “Perfect,”

“Of course it’s perfect. You picked it out,” Dan chuckles.

In a moment of peaceful silence, the pair gaze at each other lovingly.

“Wow. I think this goes as one of the best Christmas ever, don't you think?” Phil asks, grinning.

The other man laughs. “Yes, I think that’s a fair statement.”

“What do you think? Should we tell the people the big news?” Phil asks, immediately wanting to tell their friends and family about the exciting announcement. Phil’s only told a select few people that he was going to propose to Dan on Christmas, somehow managing to keep it a secret without giving the surprise away. After giving their permission, Dan’s parents had kept it a secret from their son, and he couldn’t not tell his own family - otherwise, he would have gone mad with the secret!

“Mm, maybe later,” Dan replies, which comes as a surprise. Dan smiles and rests his arms around Phil’s neck once more. “We’ve got all day to do that. Right now, I just want to take in this moment while I can, and spend Christmas morning with my fiancé,” Dan whispers, kissing Phil once more.

“Fiancé?” Phil asks, unable to stop the smile on his face from growing. “Well, I like the sound of that!”

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #fluff #christmas #domestic #establishedrelationship #proposal #i forgot to post this after reveals klsjdfljdf

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phantasticworks · 4 years

Text

If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter One

it’s finally here, lads. buckle up, because it will be a long one. updating schedule is (tentative) weekly

read on ao3

Words: 12.1k

Summary: All his life, Dan has wanted to have the chance to be a parent someday. He would be the best parent that ever existed, he was sure of it. Fostering might not be the most traditional way on the road to parenting, but Dan's dead set on doing it anyway. But, well, it would be easier with a co-parent, right?

the self-indulgent, bed-sharing, fake relationship, friends-to-lovers, parent fic i was desperate to read; when i shouted into the void and was met with silence, i decided i'd do it myself

Warnings for this chapter: swearing, references to child abuse

If there was one thing that Dan had learned while working within the education system is that life sucked; and if you’re a kid, it seems to suck a lot more, just behind closed doors. He didn’t know if he was just jaded because he was an adult, and therefore life seemed to suck endlessly for him, or if it was because of the job he was stuck in. Being a school counselor hadn’t been exactly where he thought his career was going, but it was a job and it paid the bills, so he stayed.

That’s not to say he was unhappy with his job. Quite the opposite, actually, because if there was one thing he enjoyed, it was being useful, and helping students sort out what they wanted out of their lives felt like being useful to him. But, like every job, there were things he didn’t enjoy about it, specifically how hard it could be some days.

Today was one of those days.

A student, a sophomore girl called Charlotte, had come into his office during her study hall. He hadn’t been at all prepared for the conversation that followed.

“What’s up, Lottie? How’s band going? Did you land the flute solo in the winter showcase?” He had said cheerfully as he ushered her inside.

She shifted awkwardly in her seat, never taking her eyes off the floor, which was strange, even for a shy girl like Charlotte. “Um, yeah… Yeah, I got the solo, but I…” She begins mumbling, ducking her head down so that he can’t understand a thing she’s saying.

“Charlotte? What’s going on?” He spoke softly and encouragingly, not wanting to pressure her, but wanting her to be honest with him if there was something bothering her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dan studying the shaking girl for a few beats before he realized she was crying. He quickly pushed the box of tissues towards her, encouraging her to take one. “I…” She starts quietly, choked up.

“Charlotte,” he speaks gently, causing her to look up at him, her eyes red and watering. “I can’t read your mind, sweetheart. I won’t know how to help if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” He gestures to the tissues before settling back in his chair slightly. “Take your time, just know I’m here to listen.”

It’s a few agonizing moments of silence before she finally speaks. When she does, it’s not what he’s expecting in the slightest. “They’ve been hurting me.” Her voice is almost entirely inaudible, but Dan catches it in the complete silence of the room anyway, although after he processes what she’s said he wishes he hadn’t.

“Who?” he asks, swallowing around the growing lump in his throat uncomfortably as he tries desperately to hope that she doesn’t mean what he thinks she means. He had been expecting bullies in her classes, or a break up, or maybe even just bad grades. He had not been prepared for this.

“My mum’s boyfriend… and, well, I guess her too…” She trails off, but her eyes immediately snap back up to his. She rushes to clarify, “she hasn’t touched me, but she...”

Dan clears his throat, straightening up in his seat. “What does she do when he does this?” He asks gently, his voice serious.

Charlotte looks down again, her blonde hair falling over her face, before whispering, “Nothing. She does nothing.” She’s fully crying again, and he suddenly realizes she’s got a hand covering her wrist tightly. He gets a horrible, sick feeling in his stomach as he rises, moving around the desk to sit beside her.

“May I?” He asks softly, gesturing to her hand.

She studies him for a moment before nodding hesitantly. She tugs the sleeve of her shirt up slowly, and Dan suddenly feels himself go lightheaded. There are purple markings all around the wrist of her left hand, and he can tell there’s some further up her arm.

He clears his throat twice before speaking, trying to recall exactly what he needs to do. Call the police, for one. Child abuse was entirely illegal, obviously, and since she came to him with the information voluntarily he had to report it to the authorities. He hated to think about what kind of effect it would have on her, though. He’d been reading up on foster care more and more recently, as he had always wanted to do it himself, but he was sickened to think that this girl might end up in a bad home.

“We’ll have to report them to the authorities. You’ll have to tell them exactly what you’ve told me. Do you think you’ll be able to do that?” Dan asks her seriously, watching her face for any signs of regret or fear. Surprisingly, she does look frightened, but almost determined, too.

“Yes. I have to. My brother… my little brother got…” She bites her lip, which had been trembling furiously the whole time. Dan hands her another tissue and gently rubs her back in a soothing pattern. “He got hit last night. I can’t… I can’t let that happen again.”

Dan nearly chokes, his own eyes beginning to water. He had met her little brother Andrew at the beginning of this year when Charlotte had gotten in trouble for being late for school. She was walking him to the primary school just across the street since their parents had just dropped them both off at the secondary school building. When one of the teachers on duty saw this, he’d had a fit and tried to give her a detention, but Dan had stepped in and suggested that maybe they look at it from a different angle. The child had been terrified and clinging to Charlotte the whole time, thinking it was his fault that his sister was in trouble.

He was so furiously against any kind of child abuse or neglect, and the idea that her sweet little brother, who was barely six years old, had gotten hit by this man… well, it made Dan sick. He tried not to show his emotions to the girl, since he was supposed to be the mature, responsible adult in this situation.

“You’re very brave for telling me about this, Charlotte. I just want you to know that this is going to be difficult, but you did the right thing. I’m going to get Mrs. Pentland and let her know that we’ll be calling the police. Can you sit in here until I get back?” He asks the girl, rising from his seat when she nods slowly.

Just as he’s walking towards the door, she speaks up again. “Can I…” She stood up unsurely, and without her even speaking, Dan knew that she just needed a hug.

“Of course,” He said gently, wrapping his arms around her. He gently patted her head, his heart breaking as she cried in his arms. He hated this part of his job, seeing kids so young being so hurt.

“Thanks.” She whispered when she finally stepped away, rubbing under her eyes. “Really. Thank you, Mr. Howell. I don’t think I would have been able to tell anyone else.”

Again, Dan’s heart broke for her. He didn’t let her see that, instead smiling briefly and reminding her he’d be right back before stepping into the hallway to find their headmistress and let her know what had happened. He takes a minute to be fifteen again, hear the boom of his father’s voice and doors slamming, hard, before shuffling down the hall, off to do his job to the best of his ability.

~~~

When Dan finally manages to leave work that evening, he’s exhausted. The talk with the police and the case worker who had come along was long and tiring, but more so for Charlotte and her brother Andrew, he was sure. He felt awful about the whole thing, but sadly it was out of his hands. The case worker told him it was likely that they would be removed from the home and placed either with a family member or in a foster home. He tried his best to argue with her, saying that there was no way they could know if the foster home would be any better.

She subtly told him to mind his own business.

As he’s shoveling his papers into his messenger bag, his phone beeps with a text. He’s unsurprised to see that it’s from his best friend.

Phil: Mario kart marathon tonight?

Phil: I’ll buy pizza

Dan barely smiles at the message, but he’s too tired for any gaming. Pizza, however, did sound good. He texts him back before he finishes gathering his things.

Dan: raincheck on mk but dominos sounds good

Dan’s not even surprised when his phone beeps again less than a minute later.

Phil: uh oh

Phil: Rough day?

Dan: you have no idea

His phone doesn’t immediately go off again, so he finishes gathering up his things and heads out, locking the door to his office on the way. He’s unsurprised to see that Louise, the headmistress and one of his close friends, had already left for the day. She had two kids, one being a new baby, so he wasn’t surprised that she had wanted to get home to them as soon as possible. He sighs, because as usual, he’s the last person to leave. It’s almost sad, but he likes to think it’s because he just really cares about his job and not because he doesn’t have a social life.

Walking to his car, he groans when his phone begins to ring. He pulls it out as he unlocks his car and tosses his bag in, sliding the answer button when he sees who it is.

“Hey,” Phil’s quiet voice fills the line. Dan can tell he’s trying to be careful and gauge his mood, considering Domino’s was usually their comfort food when something particularly bad had happened.

“Hi,” Dan responds, slamming his door a little too harshly before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot in one quick motion. “So, Domino’s okay with you?” he asks tentatively, unsure if Phil’s offer to hang out still stands if Mario Kart is off the table. He seriously doubted it, but he feels like he can’t blame Phil if he wants to skip out on this particular mood that he’s in.

“Of course. I’ll order it to be sent to yours and meet you there in about fifteen?” Phil sounds soft and gentle, and Dan finds himself wanting to cry all over again after the day he’s had.

“Yeah, okay. You may beat me there, I’m just leaving work.” Dan would never turn down a chance to hang out with his best friend, even if his day had been shit and he was feeling like he’d be the worst company in the world.

“Alright. Want me to set up a movie?” Phil knew him so well, he wasn’t even questioning that Dan wasn’t in the mood for video games, and just accepted that this was one of those times where Dan just needed some passive entertainment and a load of carbs.

“Yeah, something I can cry over.” He suggests, looking at his side mirror before making a turn. He doesn’t elaborate, and he knows that Phil will understand, he always does.

“Okay. See you there.” He waits for Dan to respond in a similar fashion before the line goes dead. Dan sighs, setting the phone down on his lap, chewing his lip as he drives home. His thoughts are clouded with the events of today and his chest feels entirely too heavy. He knows that if he can just have a minute to cry it out, he’ll feel better.

When he gets to his flat, he’s unsurprised to find the door unlocked, the sound of the tv greeting him as he walks through the door. “I’m home!” He calls out, so he doesn’t freak Phil out when he walks into the lounge. He drops his bag off in the dining room, tossing his jacket onto the back of one of the chairs, rolling the sleeves of his button-down shirt up as he walks up the stairs into the lounge where he assumes Phil will be.

He smiles almost against his will at the scene he finds. Phil is curled into one end of his sofa with his laptop out, probably ordering the pizza, Dan’s fuzzy blanket covering his lap, his glasses askew on his face. He’s wearing an ugly sweater that he probably thought was really cool, which Dan finds endearing, if slightly annoying. He looks up as Dan enters the room, a small smile covering his face.

“Hi,” Phil says softly, studying Dan, as if he’ll be able to tell what had happened today just by looking at him.

“Hi,” Dan mimics, walking over and dropping onto the sofa beside him. He drops his head onto the backrest, staring up at the ceiling, feeling Phil’s stare burn into him.

There’s a moment of silence before Phil decides to prompt him again. “So,” he says, lightly knocking his knee against Dan’s. “Do you want to talk about what’s got you so upset?”

Dan shakes his head slowly, his eyes not straying from the spot of ceiling he’s currently memorizing. He knows he should, and that if there’s anyone he can talk to it’s Phil, but he feels like if he opens his mouth to speak, he’ll start sobbing. He’s not sure he’ll ever stop if he does.

“Okay,” Phil says slowly, shifting. He seems to be pondering something before he taps Dan’s thigh. “Would you like some tea?”

He very nearly rolls his eyes at this suggestion; they’re so British it hurts sometimes. Instead, he shrugs. “Hot chocolate?” he requests softly, glancing over at Phil, hoping that his best friend will take sympathy on him and make him a mug.

Phil grins as he stands up. “Coming right up, with four marshmallows.”

Dan’s relieved to be left alone for a moment, watching as Phil retreats downstairs to the kitchen. It’s not like he really wanted to avoid discussing what had happened, he just felt that he needed a moment to process it in the comfort of his own home before sharing it.

He doesn’t have to wait long before Phil’s elephant feet are stomping up the stairs, two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands when he enters the lounge. He hands one to Dan before settling onto the sofa, pulling the blanket over himself before looking at Dan expectantly. “So?” he says gently.

Dan knows he isn’t about to force him to speak about it if he really doesn’t want to, but he also knows what Phil knows; it would be so much better for him to speak about it to someone, and the only person he could really confide in was right there. Still, he’s silent for a minute, swallowing hard before whispering, “I had to report a girl’s parents to the authorities for child abuse today.”

His words sit heavy in the air between them, and Dan feels as if he’s suffocating under their weight. He takes a deep, steadying breath, or tries to, at least. It comes out staggered, and he squeezes his eyes shut, refusing to cry. He hadn’t watched a sad movie yet. Dan didn’t just sit around crying for nothing, at least not with company. His mind laughs at this, supplying the idea that Phil has seen him in much worse shape before. Dan kindly asks that little voice to take a hike.

Phil clears his throat, and when Dan tilts his head to look at him, he’s surprised to find Phil looking out the window, his mouth set in a thin line. He hated the idea of child abuse as much as Dan, and Dan suddenly feels guilty about telling him. He didn’t want Phil to feel sad or guilty over it, since it wasn’t his problem. Just as he opens his mouth to apologize for bringing up such a heavy topic, he feels Phil’s hand come to land on his leg, just above his knee.

Dan’s gaze drops to his hand, and Phil squeezes gently, causing Dan’s gaze to dart up to his.

Phil smiles sadly. “I’m so sorry you had to do that, Dan. I… I can’t imagine what that must have been like.” His friend sounds so sincere, and Dan has to look away, trying to get a grip on his emotions.

“It sucked,” He whispers.

“I know.” Phil responds, squeezing his leg again. He goes to speak again, but just when he does, they hear a loud buzzer, indicating the pizza delivery guy is there. Phil releases his grip to stand and goes to buzz the guy into the building. “I’ll be right back,” he says quietly before taking his wallet and going downstairs to get the pizza and pay the delivery guy.

Dan sighs before rising to go change out of his work clothes. He was already beginning to feel uncomfortable in the stiff-collared shirt that he was wearing. Unbuttoning it as he trudges down the stairs, he’s a little too lost in his head to realize that Phil is turning the corner with the pizza boxes before they nearly run into each other.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” Dan mumbles, going to steady the boxes in Phil’s hand. He had ordered pizza and chicken nuggets, as well as cookies. He must have predicted how bad Dan’s day had been while they were on the phone, which Dan is grateful for.

“It’s fine. Go change, I’ll grab us something to drink.” Phil glances down at Dan’s hands, which are still undoing buttons, and Dan flushes when he realizes that he’s basically just walking around stripping. He avoids Phil’s eyes as he ducks into his bedroom to get his pajamas on. He reminds himself that Phil has seen him shirtless, they used to live together, after all. That had been so long ago, it seemed.

Back when Dan was contemplating dropping out of uni and Phil convinced him to switch majors instead. His family hadn’t been thrilled of course, but Dan knew that if it hadn’t been for Phil, he wouldn’t have finished university at all. Or finished anything at all, for that matter.

Dan had been in an incredibly bad place for years when Phil came into his life, and the raven-haired dork would probably never realize how drastically he had changed Dan’s entire life. But after living together for about three years, Dan had moved into his own place. Although it hadn’t been life-altering in terms of their friendship, things had been really weird and hard to adjust to at first, although Dan definitely didn’t regret it now. He had gotten a fairly good deal on his current flat, and they lived close enough they saw each other nearly every day anyway, just like best friends do.

By the time Dan manages to get into his pajamas and work himself out of his thoughts and up the stairs, Phil has already got their plates out and drinks poured. Dan smiles tiredly as he drops to the sofa beside him, tugging the chicken nugget box towards him and tearing the lid off, making Phil roll his eyes.

“I cannot believe you still do that.” His voice is light and teasing, which Dan thinks is good for while they’re having dinner. He can’t handle heavy conversation while he’s trying to eat.

Shrugging, Dan nods to the tv. “What’re we watching? Did you pick out something good and sad?” He tries to joke, but his voice sounds flat, even to his own ears.

Phil shrugs, studiously avoiding Dan’s gaze as he organizes their fair array of dips on the coffee table. “You can pick something else if you aren’t up for it.” He shrugs again.

Slightly suspicious but not enough to be alarmed, Dan tosses the trash from the boxes he’s ripped apart to the side, looking at Phil again. “Is it The Notebook?” When Phil shakes his head, Dan shrugs and turns to the dips, peeling off the lids. “Then it’s fine.”

After a moment, Phil sighs and grabs the remote, pressing play, causing the previous screensaver to change to the movie he’d picked. Dan almost chokes when he realizes what it is, but he shrugs when Phil looks at him in concern. “This is fine. I like this movie.” His lip curls up into a small smile, but he knows his dimple isn’t showing.

“We can change it. I wasn’t thinking about- I didn’t realize what had happened today, Dan. I seriously don’t mind if you want to change it.” His best friend shifts on the sofa, trying to catch Dan’s gaze.

“It’s fine. I haven’t seen this in a while, and it’s a good movie. Sandra’s a good actress, even if she looks weird as a blonde.” He tries to crack a joke, but Phil doesn’t react.

After a few minutes where Dan is actively avoiding looking at Phil as Phil does nothing but stare at him, he hears the older man sigh, before pressing play, allowing the movie to begin.

Dan glances at the tv, then at Phil, sending him a small smile, assuring him that he’s fine. Phil smiles back, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Dan knows his friend is just worried about him, but he feels that just avoiding how he feels about what happened will just be counterproductive. At least, that’s probably what his therapist would say.

So instead of digging himself into a hole of sadness and guilt, he sits back with his plate of delicious food on his sofa with his best friend and tries to enjoy The Blind Side in all its glory.

~~~

An hour later, and Dan is slightly reconsidering his earlier thoughts. The food is long gone by now, so Dan is left with nothing to distract himself with from the emotional aspects of the movie. He had already teared up at the scene where Michael said he had never had a bed, and now his eyes were threatening to spill over again as the graduation scene is happening.

Phil has noticed, and while he tries not to be so obviously worried, at one point he pulled Dan’s legs into his lap, which Dan has to admit does help slightly, if only because the physical contact tethers him to something real and tangible in this world. Dan tries not to sniffle too loudly, but he’s not sure how well he’s doing, given Phil is shooting him glances every few minutes.

Graciously, Phil allows him to cry in quiet, but he crushes any hopes that Dan had that he hadn’t full noticed when he hands him the box of tissues that Dan keeps on the end table beside Phil.

“Thanks,” he whispers wetly.

This time, Phil doesn’t even bother pretending he’s paying attention to the tv, keeping his sole focus on Dan. “Are you okay?” He asks softly, one arm coming up on the back of the sofa while the other rests across Dan’s calves.

Dan nods too quickly, and Phil tilts his head at him in disbelief. Sighing, Dan tilts his head to rest against the back of the sofa and studies a thread coming out at the top while he ponders over Phil’s question. “I want to foster.” He announces quietly.

Phil’s eyebrows furrow at this, and he glances at the tv. The movie is coming to an end, so he apparently decides it’s fine to put the sound on mute for this conversation. “Like you want to be a foster parent?” Phil asks for clarification, studying Dan in that careful, attentive way that he has.

Dan wraps a clean tissue around his index finger as he nods, still avoiding long periods of eye contact with Phil. “Yeah. I want to help kids who don’t have anyone. I just… I get so mad at them, Phil.” He seethes, steadily becoming more emotional and enraged as he just thinks about Charlotte’s situation, and others like hers. She certainly wasn’t the first person who had come to Dan about something like this, but she was the first who he hadn’t expected, as he had seen no warning signs prior to that.

Phil rubs circles onto Dan’s calves, seemingly without noticing it, his eyes focused on Dan’s face. “Mad at who, Dan?” Phil asks, his expression slightly confused.

“The parents, Phil. All these shitty fucking parents who don’t know how to take care of their kids. I could do so much better than them. I just… I feel like I’m not doing enough with the career I’ve got. I want to do something, you know? I want to make an impact in someone’s life.” Dan is slightly aware of the way he’s basically rambling at this point, but he isn’t quite sure where to stop.

Phil looks unsure as he speaks. “Dan, you have an impact on the lives of all the kids you work with.” He hesitates before his eyes drift to his hands, on Dan’s legs. “You’ve had an impact on mine,” He says softly. Dan isn’t sure he heard him right, so he moves on.

“That doesn’t count.” He thinks he sees a flash of hurt on Phil’s face before it’s quickly covered up by a look of concern. “I know that what I’m doing at the school isn’t, like, a total waste of time, but I just… I just want to do more. I want…” he takes a deep breath before continuing. “I want to be able to be someone’s parent because I want to be the kind of good parent that mine never were.” His voice is near inaudible by the end of that, but he knows Phil has heard by the way his face falls, a soft look coming over his features.

“Oh, Dan.” He sighs, shifting closer to Dan so that the younger boy is nearly in his lap, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. Dan hadn’t realized how desperately he needed that hug until he feels Phil breathe, and then feels as his hand comes up to stroke his back soothingly.

And then, Dan’s crying, just like he figured he would tonight. It had been a long time since he’d been held this way, but Phil was his best friend in the whole world, and so if anyone was going to be there for this slight meltdown, he was glad it was Phil. His best friend gently rubs his back with one hand, the other petting his hair. Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s torso in response, openly sobbing at this point.

Dan isn’t sure how long they sit like that, with Phil whispering that everything would be okay, before he finally realizes how gross he feels, gently disentangling himself from Phil, putting some space between them as he wipes at his eyes. “Thanks,” Dan says wetly. “I think-” he pauses, his eyes widening as his attention suddenly drawn to the stain on Phil’s jumper from his snot and tears. He brings his own sleeve up to his nose, wiping away the snot he’s embarrassed to realize has collected there. He can’t help but make a face, waving the sleeve as if that’ll clean it off. “Er- sorry about your jumper,” he mumbles.

“It’s fine. I know you think this one’s ugly anyway. Probably did that on purpose, if I had to guess.” Phil jokes quietly, causing Dan to laugh before gently shoving Phil in retaliation.

“Nope, you have no proof of that.” Dan shrugs innocently.

Phil quirks an eyebrow before gesturing to the jumper to indicate that it is the evidence, and Dan only shrugs in response.

They sit in silence for a few moments before Dan finally speaks up again. “I think… I think tomorrow I’m going to call a fostering agency.” He says softly, looking down at his hands.

Phil looks at him, nodding slowly. “Yeah?” He prods gently, waiting to see if Dan would elaborate.

He does. “Yeah. I’ve… Well, I’ve actually looked into a few already, but I’m going to call one tomorrow and see if I can get the process started. I read that it can take up to six months, and I really want to do this.” He chews his lip before speaking again, glancing up at Phil timidly. “You’ll, like, still hang out, right? Like, this won’t completely destroy our friendship if I do this?” He asks, worrying his lip as he waits for an answer.

Phil frowns. “Of course, it won’t. Dan, if you want to do this, I support you. I’ll be there to help you, whatever you need. Okay?” He ducks his head to catch Dan’s gaze.

Dan nods slowly, smiling tiredly. “Thanks, Phil.” He glances at the tv, which has long since turned off due to inactivity. He checks his phone on the table next, surprised to see that it’s already pretty late, and he’s had a long day. “I think I’m gonna head to bed. Are you staying over?”

Phil checks his own phone, shaking his head. “Nah, I’ve gotta be at work kinda early tomorrow, don’t wanna wake up even earlier to get home and get ready.” He stands up, glancing down at Dan. “Unless you need me to stay?” He studies Dan intently, his blue eyes searching for any hint of uncertainty.

Dan shakes his head quickly before standing as well, clearing the coffee table. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine. Just needed a cry, I guess.” He shrugs casually before nodding to the table. “Mind helping out before you leave?”

Phil nods, bending to collect the dishes they used while Dan gathers up their trash. Phil heads downstairs to the kitchen to drop off the dishes while Dan tosses the trash into the bin. After washing his hands, he finds Phil already by the door, tugging his shoes on. Dan holds his keys out for him, smiling when Phil studies him with a frown on his face, clearly worried.

“I’m fine, Phil. I promise. Just had a bad day, that’s all. And we watched a freaking sad movie. But I’m fine.” Dan pushes the keys into Phil’s hand before opening the door for him since he’d have to lock it behind him. Although Phil had a key, Dan always preferred to do it himself, so he knew for sure it was locked. He was paranoid like that sometimes.

Phil seems to take a moment to consider what Dan said before stepping through the door. He turns back around to say goodbye and catches Dan slightly off guard when he pulls him into a hug. Neither of them had anything against showing physical affection, as being best friends for nearly ten years definitely did that for a person. Still, it wasn’t often that they hugged each other goodbye.

The surprise doesn’t stop there, however, as before Phil steps away, he brings his lips up to Dan’s forehead, pressing them lightly against his hairline, so briefly that Dan would almost think he’d imagined it, if it weren’t for the unmistakable feeling of lips against his skin. “Night, Dan. Call me if you need anything.” And with that, Phil is off, down the hall and out of sight before Dan can even close the door.

After locking it and setting the alarm, he stumbles to bed in a daze, his head swirling with a million different thoughts. The loudest of which, shouting Phil just kissed you! On the forehead, but he kissed you! The thought isn’t entirely unwelcome, as he’s still processing the oddity that that level of affection between them was. With that thought, others begin flooding his mind, most of them flashbacks to a different time, nearly ten years ago, an October full of first meetings and uncertainty and flirty banter and warm smiles.

While that time seemed so far away now, this evening’s events were causing a whole barrage of memories long since buried in Dan’s mind to resurface. He tosses and turns in bed, struggling to find a good, safe place to let his thoughts drift to as he tries to sleep. One thing is certain, though. After all that thinking, Dan goes to sleep that night with thoughts of blue eyes and Ferris wheel rides swirling in his head.

~~~

The next day is a Thursday, and Dan is nearly bursting with nervousness as he settles into his office for the day. He’s already checked with Louise about Charlotte’s situation, but she didn’t know much. They were informed that Charlotte and her brother wouldn’t be in school for a few days, but that was it. It was incredibly ineffective to yank the children out of their routine, Dan thought, but it wasn’t like he had any real control now. It was entirely up to the case workers and the system now.

He sighs as he sorts his paperwork out on his desk, fishing out the things he’d need today for the few meetings he had, as well as a black journal that he had been keeping all the information he’d found about fostering. There wasn’t much to do at the moment, given he had about an hour before his first meeting of the day, so he decided to go through and pick a foster company to start the process with.

After scanning the websites of the three companies he had on his list, he eventually decides to go with one called Bridge the Gap, partially because they had earlier office hours than the others, but also because he liked the layout and design of their website. Leave it to him to be nerdy enough to consider graphic design when going into a situation like this. He double checks that his door is firmly shut before dialing the number on his cellphone, his stomach twisting with nerves.

The phone rings twice before a cheery voice picks up. “Bridge the Gap Foster Care, this is Kacey, how can I direct your call?”

Dan stumbles with his response, as he hadn’t expected such a prompt and efficient person to pick up the call. “Uh, yeah. I need to speak with a case worker about fostering? Er- I’d like to start, I mean, and so… Yeah.” He finishes lamely, clenching his eyes shut in frustration at how totally unprepared he feels.

The girl on the other end just laughs good-naturedly. “Then you’re in the right place. Give me just a second, and I’ll put you through to one of our caseworkers.” Dan responds with an affirmative, and then the sound of soft music begins playing. He perks up when he recognizes the tune as Clair de Lune. Just from that, he decides that he’s made the right decision. He begins doodling on the large calendar on his desk, a dog, and then a cat, followed by little stick children. He stops when he realizes he’d unintentionally drawn two children, a boy and a girl, beside a little figure of himself.

The wait isn’t too long, and before he knows it, the music is drifting away, and another voice is speaking. “Good morning, sir, I was told you were interested in speaking to someone about becoming a foster carer?” The voice is Irish, which takes Dan aback for a second, as the other girl had been incredibly posh.

“Er- yes. My name is Daniel Howell and I read on the website that this was the best way to get started?” He doesn’t mean to make it sound like a question, but it absolutely sounds that way. He has to remind himself to stop worrying so much about how he sounds. This person doesn’t know him yet, no need to freak out any more than he already is.

“Well, hello, Daniel, my name is Hazel Hayes, and I’m glad you called. It definitely helps to get the process started over phone rather than in person, so we have time to gather paperwork and things like that. So, have you done any research on foster care yet? Or are you calling to get more information?” Her voice is friendly but serious, as if she’s done this long enough to gauge that it’s usually one of the two options.

“I’ve actually done my research this time,” Dan laughs softly. “I’ve always felt pretty strongly about wanting to do this, and I’m not exactly getting any younger.”

Hazel laughs good-naturedly with him, and he hears the sound of papers shuffling as if he’s on speaker. His anxiety spikes slightly at the thought before getting over it. This person doesn’t know him, it’s ridiculous to be paranoid about his voice. “Right, right. Well, normally I like to ask a few questions, and sort of go from there seeing if you qualify to start the process. Is that alright with you?”

Dan nods before realizing she can’t see him. “Yes, that’s fine.” He sits back in his seat slightly, crossing one ankle over his other leg. Might as well get comfortable if he’s about to be interrogated.

“Right, so how old are you, Mr. Howell?” Hazel sounds friendly but business-like, and he wonders briefly how much she has seen in her line of work. She sounds happy and nice but working in the foster system had to have its downfalls.

“I’m twenty-seven.” He responds, glancing around his office absently. He needs to get some photos or something to put in here, he realizes as he studies his sparse desk. He’s got motivational posters and some bookshelves in this room, but it’s fairly impersonal otherwise. The only picture he does have is a selfie of himself and Phil from a holiday they took to Japan a few years back, and that’s attached to his filing cabinet with a magnet.

He tunes back into the conversation when Hazel asks another question. He barely catches the humming sound she makes when he tells her his age, but he’s more prepared for the next question. “Are you employed, Mr. Howell? And if so, could you give me a range of your income?”

“I am. I work as a guidance counselor at Queensbury Secondary School,” he pauses before responding with his salary, which admittedly wasn’t too impressive, but it was enough for him. Hazel makes a similar noise as she had before, which is beginning to make him slightly nervous.

“Right… Okay, a little different now, but how would you say your support system is? Do you have family, perhaps some close friends who would be available for support within the home?” Hazel questions, sounding almost as if she’s bringing the questioning to an end. He was surprised, as he had expected something fairly different during this call.

“Oh, um. My family’s in Reading, actually.” He hesitates, unsure if this is really something she needs to know. “And I’m pretty introverted generally, so uh, I’ve got a couple of friends who would probably be my support system, I guess.” He hates how hesitant he sounds, but he’s unprepared for this kind of question entirely.

“Well, Mr. Howell,” Hazel begins, sounding like she’s about to deliver some sort of unfortunate noise.

Dan can’t stand the anxiety he feels, and he cuts her off. “Call me Dan, please.” He feels as if she’s about to dash his hopes, he’d like to be addressed by his first name.

“Dan, I want to be honest with you.” Hazel suddenly sounds far less happy, and more tired now, as if she’s drained. “It’s hard to find good foster parents these days, you probably realize this if you’ve researched it. That said, there are certain… qualities, I suppose you could say, that generally ensure that a potential foster carer will be more likely to be approved.”

This sounds a lot like one of those speeches where someone is let down gently, but Dan wants the cold, hard facts, not bad news wrapped up in a pretty bow to distract from the fact that it’s still bad news. “I’m not sure I follow. From everything I read, there wasn’t much you could get disqualified for. Sexual orientation, religion, even the factor about employment didn’t appear to be a problem.” He feels as if he’s jumping the gun with how defensive he sounds, but he honestly can’t help it. He’s wanted this for so long, it wasn’t fair that it could just be taken away so quickly.

Hazel sighs as if she expected this to be his reaction. “I understand, and that’s not quite what I’m saying.”

There’s a pause, and Dan drops his leg, leaning forward to prop his elbows on his desk, one hand holding the phone up to his ear while he places his chin in the other. “Well, please, feel free to elaborate.” He says almost bitterly.

“The factors you mentioned don’t disqualify someone, you’re right. And I’m not saying you are disqualified, but there are factors that can make getting approved harder, and I wouldn’t want to allow you to start this process with false expectations.” She pauses as if she’s waiting for him to process before she continues. “The fact that you’re quite young, by our standards at least, is something to consider. The age is twenty-one and up, but generally the people who get approved the fastest are people who are around thirty or older. Another huge factor is support. This isn’t like fostering puppies, Dan. You will have a child’s life in your hands, and it’s crucial to have a healthy support system around you in order to make sure that you are able to take care of the child to the best of your ability.”

Dan is reeling, as this feels an awful lot like a rejection. His thoughts are racing, stumbling for something, anything that can fix this. Hazel’s talking again before he can think of anything to intervene with.

“And the fact that you’re single, well… We don’t discriminate on the basis of relationship status, but typically couples who decide to foster are generally approved easier than singles, simply because of the fact that two parents allow for more reprieve and a better support system for the child…”

Dan’s sure Hazel keeps talking, but he’s stuck on what she said about him being single. He knows she’s right, but she hadn’t asked, and he hadn’t said any different. His conscience is screaming at him not to do what he’s thinking of doing, but he shoves that little voice in a drawer in his mind, blocking it out. He thinks it’s a shot in the dark, sure, but he did have someone who had promised to support him and do anything he could to help…

“Wait, wait. Sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. I’m not single.” He interrupts Hazel’s train of thought, his heart now racing as he waits for a reaction. His stomach churns uncomfortably, and he tries to tell himself it’s just the waiting for her response, not because he feels guilty about lying.

“Oh. You aren’t?” Hazel sounds slightly surprised, and he almost feels offended.

“No.” He says slowly and easily, trying to force himself into sounding as casual and natural as possible.

“My apologizes, I just assumed- since you didn’t say anything when I asked about your support system-“ Before she can get much further, he interrupts her yet again.

“Well, yes, but you didn’t ask specifically about partners. It’s my bad, really, I think I just misinterpreted the question.” He lies easily, almost too easily, but he’s relieved that she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, that’s great. Not that it would have been impossible to foster otherwise, but you sound like you’ve done your research, and we really need more people who truly care about doing this for the greater good. And I know that sometimes there are just setbacks for people who aren’t… well, anyway. I assume this means you’ll be fostering together?” She asks, her cheer restored in her voice as she speaks.

Dan shakes his head, surprised at himself for what he’s about to do. At least the little voice in his head has finally shut up. “Yes, we will. My, uh, fiancé, and I will be co-fostering.”

“Lovely. Well, the next step in the process is to attend an information meeting here at the center. I can email you about dates and times, and you and your fiancé can decide on something and just let me know.” The sound of typing fills the line, and Dan can only assume that she’s pulling up her email. After telling her his address, she takes a moment before responding. “Okay! That’s sorted, so you should see an email soon. Thank you for calling, Dan, and I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon! Have a great day!”

Dan responds slightly less enthusiastically before dropping his cell phone to his desk, following it with his head. He gently bangs his head on the smooth surface several times before there’s a knock on his door. “It’s open,” he calls out, trying to settle his expression and his feelings with a sigh as he sits up to greet his guest.

Louise ducks her head in, a smile on her face. “Ready for the meeting at nine?” She asks in that happy, motherly way she has when she’s trying to keep him organized and on schedule. He nods tiredly rubbing a hand down his face, but she must assume it’s because of yesterday’s events, and not due to the fact that he just destroyed his life over the phone. “Good. The boy’s parents should be here then, and we’ll call him in from class to discuss the scholarship and everything in my office.” She smiles once again before giving him a look. “It’ll be okay, Daniel, I promise.”

Dan tries to smile back at her, nodding. “I know, Lou. I know.” He watches as she pulls the door shut as she leaves, before dropping his head back to his desk. After allowing himself a few moments of self-pity, he picks up his phone, deciding to go ahead and face the inevitable. Dialing Phil’s number feels a little like walking towards the edge of a cliff to his imminent death, and he selfishly hopes that he doesn’t answer.

Sadly, whatever gods or beings that control his life aren’t so graceful. Phil answers after the third ring. “Hey, Dan. Are you alright?” Phil asks immediately after answering.

Dan clenches his eyes shut, seriously regretting the situation he’s gotten himself in. Who the hell does something this stupid? Him, apparently. “Er, not exactly. Do you have a minute?” Dan props his head up with the hand that’s holding the phone, laying heavily on it. He briefly hopes that he somehow manages to hang up on him with his face, but he knows they need to have this conversation after what Dan just did.

“Uh, yeah, give me a minute.” He hears Phil say something to his coworkers, probably excusing himself to go talk somewhere in private. Dan’s grateful for this, as he’s probably going to want to yell after he hears what Dan did this time. “Alright, what’s up? You sound really weird and it’s freaking me out.” The worry in Phil’s voice is clear, and Dan tries to cling to that as he tries to gather his courage to speak. Phil cares about him, he can’t do anything too drastic after he hears this… Right?

“Well, you see… Something super funny happened, actually…” Dan begins, hoping that if he presents it as a funny little thing, Phil will be less mad. “So, I called the foster company like I said I would, right? Well…”

~~~

Unfortunately, presenting his mistake as a comedy had not had the desired effect. If anything, it makes it worse.

“You did what?” Phil’s voice is loud, overwhelming the phone’s mic so it sends an inhuman wall of noise through the line. Dan cringes, his finger tracing over the keys on his keyboard as he lets Phil get his anger out. “Daniel, that’s- is that illegal or something? Lying to someone like that?”

Dan shrugs before remembering Phil isn’t there. “I dunno, Phil. It’s not like I asked her if it was illegal to lie about being engaged to someone.” He snaps. He had no right to be angry, and he knew that, but he never fully knew how to act when Phil was angry, as it didn’t happen very often.

“Fuck.” Phil swears quietly, and Dan’s eyes widen slightly. Phil normally didn’t swear too much, so this was surely a testament to how mad he really was. “Well do you think you’ll just tell her you were lying, or say that you broke up or something?”

“What? No! Phil, I can’t. She basically said I didn’t have a real chance at fostering if I didn’t have this. This could be the only way I get to do this.” Dan sits up straighter, swallowing hard.

“So, what are you suggesting? That you just keep lying to her? Seriously, Dan? What about when they do the information meetings? Or better yet, when they do the home inspections? What then?” Phil demands. Dan can almost see him pacing, as he tends to do that when he’s seriously frustrated. Dan almost feels bad for calling him at work, but he knew if he waited it would just drive him crazy.

“No…” He says slowly in regard to what Phil had said. He takes a deep breath, trying to steel himself for what he’s about to ask of his best friend. Although Dan knew deep down that their friendship had survived much worse, he felt that this was something he couldn’t really compare to the situations they’d been in before.

“Then what, Dan?” Phil’s voice sounds almost suspicious, as if he knows that Dan has a solution, and he knows already that he isn’t going to like it.

“You said you would be there for me, right?” Dan says slowly. He glances over at the only picture he had in his office, an old one of photo-Phil smiling broadly over his shoulder. They had been through loads together. Surely, they could survive this together, too. That thought in his mind, he just blurts it out. “I need you to be my fiancé.”

The line is completely silent for several moments. Dan almost thinks the call had failed, but when he pulls his phone away to check, it’s fine. He hesitantly brings it back to his ear, waiting.

Finally, after what seems like hours, Phil’s voice returns. “What?” He whispers.

“Phil, please. I just need you to pretend, okay? Please. I don’t- we both know I don’t have any other friends I can ask. And you said-“ Dan almost continues, but Phil’s voice stops him.

“Stop. Okay? Just stop. I’m at work, Daniel. I know you probably felt like you couldn’t just let this wait, but I’m working. Okay? This is something we need to discuss in person.” Phil stops there, but Dan can tell he isn’t finished, so he just waits quietly until Phil has gathered his thoughts. “You can’t just drop something like this on me and expect me to just agree to it. Just because you fucked up doesn’t mean you can drag me into it too.”

That hurts, but Dan knows he deserves it, even though he also knows Phil will likely apologize for saying it later. “Okay.” He whispers back, nodding his head as he stares down at the little stick figures he had drawn earlier.

The line is quiet for a few more minutes before Phil sighs deeply. “I’ll see you after work, yeah? Just… Give me some time, okay?

“Okay.” Dan says again. He’s not sure when things had ever been less okay.

“I get off at five today, I’ll come by, so we can talk.” Phil hesitates before speaking again. “Just… don’t do anything else until we talk, alright?”

“Alright.” Dan responds. “I’ll see you later, Phil.” Before he hangs up, he repeats Phil’s name. When he hears a hum of acknowledgement, he continues. “I’m really sorry.”

Phil sighs before answering. “I know, Dan. I’ll see you later.”

The call disconnects with a beep and Dan feels the guilt settle in, making its way right under his skin, making him feel filthy with it.

After checking the time and realizing he’s about to be late to the meeting, he quickly shoves his personal life to the back of his mind and struggles to force himself into his work life. There was no good that could come out of getting the two all mixed up, and Dan didn’t intend to be one of those people who made that mistake. So instead, he shook himself and tried to put on a smile to go congratulate the parents of a child who had earned himself a full-ride scholarship to a great university. At least some people in the world weren’t messing up their lives.

~~~

Several hours later, Dan is pacing his lounge nervously as he waits for Phil to get there. He’s not sure if he’s nervous to see Phil’s anger, rather than just hear it on the phone, or if he’s just nervous that Phil might refuse to pretend to be his fiancé for the sake of his foster care situation. Probably a mixture of both.

He jumps a little when he hears a key being shoved into the lock downstairs before he reminds himself that Phil has a key. He forces himself to wait in the lounge instead of meeting him at the door, feeling like that last few moments of distance between them will be better.

“Dan?” Phil calls out as Dan hears him taking his shoes off.

“Upstairs!” Dan answers. He’s trying desperately not to look like a nervous wreck, but he knows he does. He’s wearing his Game of Thrones pajama sweats and a t-shirt, but he suddenly feels like he should have just left his work clothes on. He feels too vulnerable like this, despite the fact Phil had seen him in basically every state of dress and undress.

It’s too late for a wardrobe change, though, because Phil comes up the stairs then, pausing when he sees Dan pacing around in front of the large windows. He appraises him for a moment before raising an eyebrow. “You look like roadkill, mate.” Phil deadpans, dropping onto the sofa, his eyes not leaving Dan’s.

Dan only nods, swallowing the lump building in his throat. He absolutely would not cry. Crying would just be stupid and senseless. He had to be strong, because that’s the kind of thing adults do. They own up to their mistakes and deal with the consequences, even if they suck.

Phil studies Dan for a second before sighing, patting the cushion beside him. “C’mere.”

Dan shuffles over unsurely, sitting down where he’s facing Phil, although he refuses to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I should have asked first, or just not lied period, but I can’t un-lie.” His gaze shifts to the painting he keeps on the cabinet behind the sofa, and he stares at it just to give himself something to do. “I know that doesn’t like, make it better, or whatever. But I am sorry, and I know I fucked up.”

There’s a silence before Phil finally speaks. “I’m not mad anymore.” He whispers softly. Dan’s eyes tentatively shift to meet striking blue ones, and he’s surprised to see that there’s no anger left there. “I was seething at first, sure. You lied to someone about being in a serious relationship, and that’s bad enough, but then you just… Just asked me to do it, as if that’s something you just ask someone.”

Dan tries to make a joke. “I mean… You kind of do ask someone to marry you… This is kind of like that.” He tries to smile, but Phil just stares at him.

“This isn’t real.” He says immediately. Dan’s surprised at how much hearing that hurts, but he shrugs and looks away. It’s not like Phil was wrong. It wasn’t real.

Wait…

“You said ‘this isn’t real’ like you meant it was happening.” Dan is struggling to catch up with the tale he had spun just that morning. “I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do, Phil. If this is going to make things weird, or like if it makes you uncomfortable, we don’t-“

Phil cuts him off then, sighing. “Dan, we both know I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I wasn’t sure I knew I could handle it. Besides, we’ve known each other for ten years. It’s not like either of us have much of a life outside of our friendship anyway.” His sentence is punctuated with a bitter laugh, and Dan can’t help but feel bad, as if he’s the one really holding Phil back from having relationships outside of their friendship. But that would be crazy, because it wasn’t like Dan was standing in his way.

“Yeah…” He studies his hands for a moment before looking up into blue eyes. His words are caught in his throat as Phil just looks at him with a sort of soft, fond look. He looked tired, probably due to the stress that Dan’s terrible announcement of the situation had caused this morning. Even with as angry as he probably was still feeling, he still looked at Dan like there was something to be seen. Like Phil actually liked what he saw, even.

Dan shakes the thought away. He had never had the guts to feel the way he felt about his best friend. He certainly didn’t have the guts now, not when it wasn’t even real. But still, Dan allows himself to feel entirely grateful for the way Phil is handling the situation. The whole thing could have gone in a very different direction, but luckily, Phil was pretty much the best person in the world, and Dan wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck in this situation with anyone else.

“We’ll have to figure a few things out, you know.” Phil says quietly a moment later, thoroughly breaking the spell Dan had been under, stuck in his own head.

“What sort of things?” Dan asks, shifting on the couch so he can tuck his legs under him. This gives him some extra height, and he props his elbow up on the backrest of the couch, dropping his chin onto his hand to look down at Phil.

“Well, for one, if we’re going to do this, we need to work out a convincing backstory. How we met, who proposed to who, all that. Also, might need to get some rings.” He holds up his bare left hand and wags his ring finger around. “If I’m going to be your arm candy, I’m going to require some decent costuming.” His lips quirk into a smirk at the surprise on Dan’s face.

“Oh. Right.” Dan allows his gaze to follow Phil’s hand as it drops back into his lap, and when he realizes that he’s practically staring at his best friend’s crotch, his eyes quickly flit away, his cheeks heating up. “Well, I figure we stay as close to the truth as possible. We don’t change anything other than throwing in a convincing proposal story. We’ve lived together before, so we already know all of each other’s worst habits, which will make it much easier to act like a couple.” Dan shrugs.

Phil shifts, licking his lips before speaking. Dan tries very hard not to follow that movement, but his eyes betray him. “About that, actually. You do realize that they’ll do home visits, right? And if we’re fully doing this, I’ll seriously have to co-foster with you, Dan.”

The truth hadn’t been put quite so bluntly yet, and it wasn’t until Phil said it that Dan fully realized just what he had gotten his best friend into. Not only had he asked him to pretend to be in a long-term, committed relationship with himself, but by doing all this he was also asking Phil to agree to be a parent. They’d have to sign the papers together and seriously commit to becoming foster parents as a unit.

“Did you think about this at all, Dan?” Phil is squinting at him, looking miles away and far too close all at once.

Dan suddenly feels nauseous as thoughts of Phil feeding a baby or teaching a little boy how to ride a bike, or even arguing with a teenage girl cycle through his mind, each of them making him dizzy. Not because he didn’t like to imagine himself co-parenting with Phil; actually, quite the opposite. This future that he’s basically throwing himself into looks so good, and he feels like he might throw up with the thought that it wouldn’t actually be real.

His current existential crisis comes to a screeching halt as he remembers Charlotte. He isn’t doing this for himself or to satisfy some twisted fantasy he might’ve had ten years ago about having a family with Phil. He was doing this because he wanted to help kids like Charlotte, who didn’t have a family that gave a damn. Throwing every other thought out of his head helps him get a grip on what he thinks he’s feeling. It’s nothing other than some old memories and dreams that never came to be, and never would, either. Fixating on it now wouldn’t help him, or the kids he truly wanted to help.

Dan doesn’t realize how much he’d tuned out until he tunes back in and finds Phil’s hand on his thigh, squeezing gently, his eyes wide with worry. “Are you alright? You looked sick. Are you… are you regretting this already?” Phil asks softly.

Shaking his head, Dan gives him an uneasy smile that probably does nothing to convince Phil that he’s alright. “No, no. Of course not. I wouldn’t have asked anyone else to do this, you know that, right? That may sound weird, but you’re the only person I think I could have trusted with this.” Phil nods, uncertain but the worry on his face softens. “I guess I just feel a little guilty. I get that I’m asking more than just “hey, pretend to be engaged to me!” I’m literally asking you to step into a parenting role, which is something I didn’t even really consider when I asked in the first place.”

Phil nods slowly. “Yeah… You know that’s why I sort of freaked out earlier. It wasn’t because of what you asked, exactly.” He hesitates then, looking away from Dan. “It was mostly just the implications behind what you asked that made me a little… uneasy.”

“I know.” Dan nods, picking at the skin around his nails. “I realize that, now. If you…” He takes a deep breath before offering Phil an out. “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I don’t want you to feel like I’ll be mad if you don’t. I really want this, but that doesn’t mean you do.” Dan laughs without humor. “Hell, I really don’t even know if you even want kids, let alone if you’re ready to start being a parent now.”

There’s a beat of silence where both men seem to be lost in their own thoughts before Phil speaks again. “I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to be a parent, you know? I think they all just jump into it at some point, but I don’t think the majority of parents are ever fully ready.” He shrugs then. “And I’m probably not ready either, but I know I want to do this with you. I know how much this means to you, and I know I’d hate myself later if I didn’t at least try.”

Dan almost tears up, but instead he laughs, shoving Phil gently. “You already sound like a parent, all wise and stuff.” They both laugh quietly before the silence resumes. “Thank you,” Dan whispers.

Phil glances up at him, quirking an eyebrow. “You’re welcome. But I’m not just doing this for you. I’ve always said I wanted to foster if I could. You’re just giving me a good excuse to do it.” Phil grins, and Dan rolls his eyes. He figured they’d had enough serious conversation for one night. They still had a few things to work out, but he was starving right now, so he figured that could wait until after they eat something.

“Right.” He stands up to go fetch his laptop, so they can order something. After the day they’d had, he figured they deserved to be lazy and eat takeaway. “Do you want Indian or Chinese tonight?” He asks as he pulls his MacBook off the desk across the lounge.

“Chinese sounds good, actually.” Phil responds, reaching over to grab the remote before turning the tv on. They were so comfortable in each other’s homes that it was almost comical.

A few minutes later Dan places their usual order before closing his laptop and putting it back where he got it. “Do you wanna talk about some of the stuff we need to work out before the food gets here?” He asks, suddenly feeling slightly awkward. He feels that his awkwardness is justified, however, seeing as it’s not every day you find yourself fake engaged to your best friend.

Phil nods, putting the remote beside him on the couch without selecting a show to watch. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. And then we can just lay around being lazy for the rest of the night.” He smiles at Dan.

Dan returns to his earlier seat beside Phil, nodding at his plan. “Are you staying over tonight?” He asks. He almost wishes Phil would say no so he could have some space to process all this, but then he feels bad because it’s actually been a couple weeks since they’d slept over at each other’s flats.

Phil nods, pulling the blanket from off the back of the couch where Dan had left it last night. “Might as well. Er- unless you don’t want me to?” He asks, glancing at Dan with slightly pink cheeks.

Shaking his head, Dan shoves Phil lightly. “You know I like having you around. Of course, I want you to stay.” He rolls his eyes at the absurdity of Phil suggesting otherwise. The thought of him sleeping over prompts a different thought, however. “Speaking of that, though.” He almost blushes when Phil looks at him in question, but they probably both realized that this was going to come up. “We’re going to need to live together.”

The surprise that briefly crosses Phil’s face is quickly followed by understanding. “Oh, yeah. I kind of just glossed over that part in my panic, I think.” He brings a hand up to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck, his eyes avoiding Dan’s.

“Well, it’s not like we’ve never lived together. It’s just been like, what, three years? Four?” Dan honestly doesn’t remember how long it had been since they moved out of their last shared apartment and into separate ones, but he knew it’d been at least a couple years. Honestly besides the fact that they no longer lived together full-time, not much had changed. They still saw each other basically every day, and they often spent the night at each other’s flats. Yet somehow, they still weren’t sick of each other.

“Four.” Phil responds distractedly. “You know, my lease is actually up in about three months.” He says nonchalantly.

Dan smiles at this. It would make things much easier, especially since the approval process could take up to six months. If Phil was going to have to either renew his own lease or move soon, this was basically perfect timing. “Well, you know mine’s not up for another two years.” Dan responds in the same nonchalant fashion that Phil had.

It has the desired effect, and Phil laughs. “So, I guess that means I’ll be moving in here?” He asks, leaning his head on the back of the sofa and tilting to face Dan. The way the light now falls across his face is a little too perfect, and Dan mentally curses him for managing to look so effortlessly brilliant. That’s a thought he can totally have about his best friend, right?

“Well, I mean, if you want. We could always just go with yours or into a new one, but I figure my flat’s pretty big as it is. I have the spare bedroom and that other room I have as an office but don’t really use. I think it could work.” Dan nods, trying to act like he isn’t as excited as he is about the prospect of them moving in together again. Putting the whole situation aside, he really did miss living with his best friend sometimes, even when he did annoying shit like leaving the cupboards open.

“I think that’s a great idea. I’ve always liked your flat better than mine, anyway.” Phil shrugs as if it’s common knowledge, but Dan is honestly a little shocked. Phil must notice this, because he rolls his eyes. “Come on, Dan. I always prefer to come over here instead of us staying at mine.”

Dan pouts slightly at the way Phil implies it’s so obvious. “I just thought maybe you didn’t want to tidy up, so you just thought it was easier to come here.” That earns him an elbow to the ribs, but he just laughs. “Alright, well if that’s sorted. We can start moving your things in whenever you want to.” Another thought occurs to him then, and he blushes. “Er- when we get approved and we get a child placed with us, we’ll probably have to share a bedroom.” He feels awkward suggesting it, but he knows it’s true.

Phil shrugs as if this doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it bothers Dan. “I figured. I hope you don’t steal blankets as bad as you used to.”

The comment is quick and just a general observation by someone who was close enough to Dan to have platonically shared a bed with him enough to know that sort of thing, but Dan still feels a blush crawling up his neck. Phil knew him so well, but sometimes the fact that he knew little domestic details like that still managed to surprise him.

“I do not do that. I don’t really think I ever did.” Dan offers lamely in his own defense.

Phil shrugs, staring at the tv as it cycles through different Netflix options. “Say what you want, Howell, but when we start sleeping together the truth will come out.”

Dan’s about to make a sarcastic comment, but the sound indicating that the take away guy is there is enough to make him think better of it, instead heading to the buzzer to let him in. “I’ll be right back. Do you want Ribena or some wine?” Dan asks as he grabs his wallet from where he’d left it earlier.

“Ribena, please.” Phil laughs as he allows himself to sink further down on the sofa. “I have to work tomorrow, and I don’t exactly feel like getting wine drunk tonight.”

Dan rolls his eyes but finds himself unable to stop grinning as he goes to collect the takeaway. “Boring,” he teases.

Phil sits up a little, before nodding to the staircase. “Want me to help carry everything back up?”

Shrugging, Dan gestures for Phil to follow him downstairs, where the delivery man is probably tempted to just leave. He goes to open the door with Phil by his side, double checking that the cash he had was enough to cover the food and a tip.

“Here you go,” the boy says, holding the food out. Phil reaches for it as Dan finishes counting the money before handing it over. The delivery boy looks a little surprised at first but smiles as he tucks the tip money into his pocket. “Thank you! You guys have a good night and enjoy your meal!”

Just as Dan goes shut the door, Phil calls out, “Thanks, you too!”

The door closes with a click and Dan turns around, giving Phil a look, raising his eyebrows when Phil doesn’t seem to catch on. “Phil,” he says slowly.

“What?” He asks, already halfway up the staircase.

Dan rolls his eyes as he follows. “You said “You too” to him,” he explains, exasperated.

Phil glances back at him before giggling. “No, I- you! He knew what I meant!”

“You should never be allowed to speak to anyone, ever.” Dan can only shake his head at his best friend.

“Oh, thank god, I won’t have to talk to you anymore!”

#phanfiction #phanfic #phandom #if you don't love me pretend #iydlmp #fluff #angst #parent!au #foster parent #references to child abuse #swearing #school counselor!dan #bbc producer!phil #parent!phan

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