#i overshared WHOOPS

[ofstoriesandstardust]

you most definitely do not need to answer this if you're not comfortable (or just don't want to), but i saw you say you had grown somewhat resentful of the same mistakes universe and i was curious as to why. i am not personally a writer, but i have a fair amount of friends who are and i have seen similar things happen to them with stories they had put tons of time and effort into, for a variety of different reasons. i know a lot of authors struggle with not getting much interaction on fics, and i can imagine putting something out there that you are proud of and spent a lot of time on and then not hearing anything can feel super disappointing, and also a bit like just chucking your stuff into a void??? i know some other friends of mine have stopped writing because the fandom itself sucked and they were getting weird pointless hate for no reason.

I am definitely sad you've ended/taken a long break from the series, because it's clear you put a ton of time, effort, and care into the same mistakes series, and you developed a character that was deeply nuanced and unique, but also youre doing it all for free and for fun (ideally) so you don't owe anyone anything. I'm for sure rambling at this point but basically i have loved reading the series and i hope somewhere down the line you can start writing again for fun and for yourself!

hey!! i am more than happy to talk about this and the only reason I haven't until now because I wasn't sure anyone really cared and I didn't want it to be misconstrued as whining or ungratefulness. this is probably more of an answer than you were looking for but here we go...

before i came into the top gun fandom, I was very used to chucking my things into the void, as you said. some of my umbrella academy stuff got attention, but aside from a few key mutuals, there wasn't a whole lot. and I was okay with it because I was writing for me and no one else.

and then the og same mistakes trilogy caused my blog to blow up and I was very overwhelmed with the extraordinary overnight attention everything was getting. i went from nothing to so much scrutiny I didn't know what to do. I've gotten to meet and talk to wonderful people because of it, but I've also been subject to some pretty awful hate because of it too. and it never stopped. it just kept getting worse. there was a lot of pressure to deliver consistently and constantly and I felt like no matter what I wrote, I was never appeasing someone. there was always someone who didn't like it and wasn't afraid to tell me so.

ultimately i became resentful because if i never wrote same mistakes, then my blog never would've blown up and i'd never have gotten so much hate. i'd still be writing for me and not judging everything i write before it gets out onto the page. i try to remind myself that i never would've met so many amazing people but that stopped being enough after a little while. when I saw others writing amazing things and get the responses they absolutely deserved while I was being tagged in specific posts for writing things that had overused tropes, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong that I couldn't seem to appease anyone. why it wasn't good enough.

i sort of thought that if i took a step back and focused on other projects, like storm warning and flight risk, things would figure themselves out and the hate would die down and I could come back to same mistakes-verse. uhm, things didn't calm down. the hate didn't stop, as people started taking shots at these other projects (specifically flight risk) and my lack of faith in my writing started extending into my academics.

i've always been pretty proud of my academic writing, and as a historian, it's all I have. but when everyone online is telling you it's shit, and has been telling you that since June, it's hard not to view that for all of your writing. i already feel insecure in my field because I'm still new and honestly this was the last thing I needed.

so i decided to take a step back from all creative writing because it stopped being fun and it stopped being for me and I started hating everything I wrote because I knew no one would like it anyways. i hope it starts being fun again because I miss it and I want to come back to Rebel and Sunshine and Cowgirl and Carolina and all the characters that I love deeply but I don't know when or if that will happen.

[felidaefatigue]

my boyfriend applied a handicap on me before minigolf known as "feed them a burger that will make them violently sweat and nearly shit their pants" so i didnt kick his ass again :(

[littlemisspascal]

EXCUSE ME??? CYBORG DIN??!! I MUST KNOW MORE!

I wondered if anyone would notice that lol 😅 this fic isn't even really a fic yet it's just vibes ✨ at the moment, just me dipping my toes back into the writing pool. I've been watching walkthroughs of Star Wars Outlaws and something about the dynamic between ND-5 and Kay is ringing every writing bell inside my head. And from that came the idea of making cyborg Din, which is basically a mishmash of ND-5, Winter Soldier, Ghost from CoD, and Din himself, and a Togruta Reader, cuz I loved writing the one I had in my Last Mandalorian series, and giving them an angsty love story ✨ but...as much as my brain is thrumming right now, this is also a fic that may never see the light of day if my avpd decides to self-destruct again like it did back in June. We're taking it all one day at a time 😊

[willowser]

Wait, you deactivated?!! I thought u got suspended?☠️☠️💀 , I was really like damnnnnnnnnn😭😭😭😭😭😭. WELCOME back tho💖💖💖💖💖💖💯💯💫💫💫💫💥💥

yeah, i actually privated ! and — i don't know how to explain why to yall without 1) oversharing, 2) being super long-winded, and 3) sounding like a crybaby LOL but the long-short of it is: i was getting a decent amount of negative feedback the last few weeks and a final comment kind of launched me into this weird episode where i was sort of forced to face this hurt that i had been avoiding for a few years, and then i felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed and nakey, so i didn't want anyone to look at me LOL but i'm on the mend now, so thank you ! 🩷✨️

[pxssyboyares]

i have two different vibe sets sitting in my cart and i so desperately wanna get them

[driedlavenderandsage]

[gwenlena]

im gonna get this essay out the way dead quick and then go get cinnamon rolls as a self-reward and then ill get back to being a real person ill be back in maybe 2 hours

[desperatepleasures]

less than a month until I'm allowed to have neurotransmitters again

[lucian-evander]

I never thought i'd say that but i think i'm starting to loose my faith (very positive) ?!

[lover-of-mine]

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[histskins]

any other jew-ish guys got a grandma who's like, really weird about it, or is that another hyperspecific life experience of mine

[technologyvoid]

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[tuxedokit]

got any psychic dion headcanons? did she repress her powers? what's her specialty?

SO MANY OK OK OK SO

Dion is repression central when it comes to her psychics.

Of course, even before she realized and accepted it, she still used them subconsciously. They've always been very in tune with others emotions (partial telepathy), but just blew it off as being "intuitive" or "an empath"

I think all the Aquatos have a specialty in hydrokinesis, like genetically. That being said, I feel like he also has powerful psi blasts, what with being a teenager full of repressed subconscious jealousy and rage and all.

but yeah dion hides it even after most of the family has adjusted. i think dion relies very heavily on motherly praise, and dona is the last to come around on the whole "psychics arent evil" thing. so dion hides it, denies it, because shes so utterly terrified of her mother finding out.

When Dion's psychics finally do awaken, they run and hide. Either at the motherlobe or wherever else she can stay, not far from family but out of Dona's reach. I think that is actually the wake up call that helps Donatella realize that somethibg needs to change. Her child, her beloved daughter, is terrified of her. Thinks that she would, that she could, hate them for something out of their control. It breaks her heart. And it should. So she learns, grows. It ends in tears, and a lot of growth on Donatella's part. She wishes she had realized the damage she'd done sooner, but at this point Dion's just glad she still has a mother.

[thoughtpalace-blog]

every time a new thing with my depression kicks up I’m like 😐 bc it’s been 12 years at this point why the fuck are their new symptoms. I thought I had a handle on this shit but apparently not

[diabeticgirl4]

Me @ me: you do know u have a private vent blog so you don't have to make others annoyed/concerned right?

Also me: ok but what if I feel better and less alone knowing other ppl can read my problems, even if they don't actually read/care?

(You are genuinely 100% allowed to skip past this, I was having a Bad Brain morning and just gotta get it out, I'm feeling better now so don't worry!)

Woke up this morning legit thinking I was hearing voices. Weirdest sensation, like I was hearing my phone alarm/podcast/vague talking but like it was super muffled and buried under all my blankets, except my phone was right next to me and the alarm had already been turned off. Weirdest part is it went away when I lifted my head on the pillow? Tried it again and I continued to hear it laying my head down and it stopped when I lifted it back up again. Weirdest thing. Anyways that threw me off for a while. I'm also super tired yeah! Been sleeping terribly this week, averaging about 5-6ish hrs instead of my usual 6-7ish hrs. And I have another concert tonight so I'll be getting even less sleep tonight yaaayyy.

So tbh that wasn't too bad, just weird and disconcerting but all good now. Except I overheard my coworker talk about her housing situations while at school (we went to the same school but different years), and then I couldn't stop thinking about my college years so that was fun (/s). I'm rly hesitant to call it trauma, but if it's still fricking me up 10 years later and both my parents separately agreed that I came back worse after college? Hhh. Yeah.

And since I'm in between podcasts (I'm currently trying out candela obscura, I'm enjoying it so far!) I was having the hardest time focusing on the words so I had to give up and switch to random music. I'm just feeling so. Discombobulated? Fun word but not a fun feeling.

Anyways I'm feeling mildly better(ish) now so it's not a concern my brain is just being super weird this morning and I'm v tired. Weh.

[bestagons]

i think dan is sosososo hot i forget he's a gay man and im a lesbian

Honestly, as someone who was there before he had a million subs, Mr. "I need to work on my confidence" forgets that he got at least some of his following because he's hot.

overshare hour