#i promise i'll post some happy analysis some day...

[oswinsdolma]

not a day goes by when i don't think about the parallels between the scene where arthur gives merlin his mother's sigil and the ending when he gives gwen the royal seal, because it's just so representative of their different roles in the narrative, and who they are to arthur; he loved both merlin and gwen dearly, but in different ways.

arthur's relationship with gwen is an interesting one, and i think is probably more demonstrative of character growth within the show than any other. when arthur and gwen first fell in love, they were children, but as all children do, they grew up, going from boy and girl to king and queen. their character arcs are intrinsically intertwined, arthur realising the need for kindness whereas gwen became more confident in herself and came out of her shell, and as they grew, so did the kingdom, fruit pollinated by the best in both of them. as a result, gwen was arthur's love, but she was also his wife and queen, as he was her husband and king, their love becoming synonymous with the prosperity of the state, on both a literal and figurative level. when arthur gave gwen the seal, therefore, he passed on a legacy kept very much alive by the love that existed within them both, and it is stronger for it. in essence, gwen comes to represent arthur's tangible legacy; the people, the castle walls and the good he did for the people, and in his death, she keeps alive the parts of him that were most worth saving under the seal that once belonged to him. this is made particularly pongiant in light of the fact that arthur's trust in gwen was something condemned by uther, and there is a sort of triumphant irony in the fact that their love was not what destroyed the kingdom, but kept it alive. when uther passed on the throne, he did so out of reluctant obligation, clinging onto power as a parasite in arthur's memory that is slowly gnawed away. in inheriting the sigil, gwen provides resolution to this discordant, unfinished cadence, completing the circle and bringing the kingdom to where it was always meant to be.

yet with merlin... while gwen embodies the arthur that is remembered, merlin represents the arthur that never was; while she received the key to a kingdom to finish building, merlin was given proof of a memory that never really existed. furthermore, if gwen and arthur's love resolves the cadence of uther's selfish isolation, we can start to see the patterns of how merlin's translates from ygraine's. because if you think about it, arthur almost loved merlin in the same way he loved his mother. merlin was his friend, his confidant and the person who knew him best in the world, but ultimately, he only ever saw a version of him, a half truth, veiled by secrecy and aborted confessions, which were ironically borne from the actions and prejudices of his father. arthur loved his mother unequivocally, but the tragedy of their relationship is that it existed only as borrowed memories from those who loved her before him, his idea of her founded only on dreams and the space in his soul he left behind. but then you take this and apply it to merlin: when arthur died, it was in the anticipation of a future that could have been built, but was cut down before its time, forced to take root in intangible hopes for a future that might never come. as the centuries passed, arthur became not a king, but a legend, more metaphor than person for anyone but merlin, the sole survivor of an almost entirely fabricated past. in a slightly fucked up way, i suppose arthur giving merlin ygraine's sigil almost foreshadows the ending, with arthur passing on the legacy of a love borne of absence to the only one who will survive long enough to carry it. yes amongst this tragedy, there is that eternal motif of hope, because unlike arthur, merlin does remember, and not only that, but he waits. as gwen resolved the legacy of uther, merlin did the same of ygraine, turning the tragedy of what never was into something that still could be.

and the most beautiful thing about this is that it's all symbiotic: gwen could not have built camelot were it not for the love shared between merlin and arthur, and merlin could not have founded a legend were it not for the foundation laid by the marriage of his best friends. they are all elements of a web of stories, suspended in fragile dreams that need each other to be kept alive, but they endure nonetheless, propelled by an insatiable love of one another kept in perfect balance, because there was no other way for the story to go, and no other version of the world that could ever have been.

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[uyuforu]

Boda Persona Chart Analysis II

Boda (1487) is an asteroid discovered in 1938 by Karl Willhelm Reinmuth in Germany. It was named this way after Karl Boda. Boda in Spanish means "wedding", so it was natural for this asteroid to represent that. Boda is an asteroid we look at when we want to know more about what kind of wedding one will have. The Boda Persona Chart also means the same thing, and it gives more details about one's special day.

Someone asked me to make more observations for Boda PC. Unfortunately I don't have many people around me who have been married already. So I'll take my Boda Persona Chart, despite that i'm not married yet. If I do get married, it will be an occasion to come back on it later lol!

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Boda in Signs, Houses, Degrees

જ⁀➴ Boda Aspects

જ⁀➴ Boda Persona Chart Analysis I

Book a private reading: menus ; Q&A ; rules ; instagram

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₊˚⊹♡ Sun conjunct Venus: Very romantic wedding, one of the main essence is romance. The wedding could be very pretty and beautiful looking.

₊˚⊹♡ Sun conjunct Mercury: Wedding will be talked about a lot, people could also talk about you a lot. And they can talk to you a lot too.

₊˚⊹♡ Sun Gemini could mean two weddings can happen, even with the same person.

₊˚⊹♡ Moon 8H could mean people don't show their emotions easily but feel things intensely during your wedding. People could cry of happiness and can't control their tears.

₊˚⊹♡ Moon square Briede could mean the bride will have hard time accepting she is showing her emotions.

₊˚⊹♡ Moon trine Venus means the romance will be top tier during the wedding! It can be considered a very romantic wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ DSC sextile Moon could mean the spouse will be open about their emotions during the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Venus 1H could make you be very intimate with your Spouse during the wedding. Meaning you can kiss a lot, hug a lot, share intimate conversations together.

₊˚⊹♡ Mars Gemini could mean there could be misunderstandings or miscommunication during the wedding. Gossips too.

₊˚⊹♡ Mercury Gemini 1H could mean people could talk and gossip a lot about your wedding but about you too. They could be very sneaky and curious about how you will dress and appear.

₊˚⊹♡ Jupiter 12H could indicate a non religious wedding, but this could also mean a spiritual wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Jupiter conjunct Saturn could mean the wedding promises a long term union.

₊˚⊹♡ Venus conjunct Saturn could also indicate a strong and long lasting love.

₊˚⊹♡ Venus conjunct Jupiter means the couple are happy in love and one of the best part of the wedding is their love/ bond.

₊˚⊹♡ Saturn conjunct Rising means you could have some struggles with your dress, you could also be stressed about your appearance or people looking at you during the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Venus conjunct Rising means you will look absolutely stunning.

₊˚⊹♡ Uranus 10H: a transformative wedding, the reputation of the wedding could be that it is unique, and it will change perspectives.

₊˚⊹♡ Uranus conjunct Juno could mean your union is something that is considered revolutionary by others. You could be seen as a unique couple, and your story & wedding could both change perspectives. It could also have a worldwide or historical influence if it is in the 10H.

₊˚⊹♡ MC Capricorn: Wedding will be remembered for how expensive and good looking it was, they can also really admire how fancy the wedding could be.

₊˚⊹♡ 1H Stellium means you will be very focused on the wedding itself, but also on you and your spouse as a couple. You will also feel as the main character, this is your day!

₊˚⊹♡ 3H Cancer means your guests will be mostly your family and loved one.

₊˚⊹♡ 3H Cancer could also mean a wedding that is near water or beach/ ocean.

₊˚⊹♡ Juno sextile Briede means Bride will feel very in love and very romantic.

₊˚⊹♡ Scorpio 7H means the marriage could be quite private, just loved ones are here.

₊˚⊹♡ 8H Sagittarius could mean the honeymoon will be abroad in a foreign country!

₊˚⊹♡ 9H Capricorn can mean the In-Laws will probably pay a lot for the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ 9H Capricorn can also mean In-Laws will not be emotional, but they can be proud.

₊˚⊹♡ 9H Capricorn can also mean a prenup can be signed!

₊˚⊹♡ Jupiter conjuncts Saturn: indicates a minimalist wedding, or just a small wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Saturn 12H could mean you are stressed about the wedding being called off, or someone ruining your wedding. You are scared the wedding will not work out.

₊˚⊹♡ Jupiter 12H could mean your wedding is a divine blessing, a sacred union. Something divine could happen during your wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Neptune 10H could be a sign people will be obsessed with your wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Neptune conjunct Juno: divine love and union

₊˚⊹♡ MC 29°: Reputation of the wedding is excellent, people will remember it for years. It could be a very popular wedding, perhaps celebrities could attend, or many people will talk about it.

₊˚⊹♡ Pluto 7H: a transformative union

₊˚⊹♡ Pluto conjunct Chiron: a union that will heal both of partners. Breaking a karmic cycle, entering a new chapter of their life.

₊˚⊹♡ Pluto sextile Juno: transformative love. Very similar to Uranus conjunct Juno.

₊˚⊹♡ Chiron trine Briede: Bride will heal through the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Union conjunct Part of Fortune: A very luck union! Their wedding will bring them a lot of luck.

₊˚⊹♡ Vertex conjunct Union: A destined and fated marriage.

₊˚⊹♡ Vertex Libra: same meaning.

₊˚⊹♡ Vertex Conjunct Part of Fortune: A very lucky and happy union that was destined to happen. The wedding and union could have indeed be part of the couple's fate in order to bring more luck and happiness in their life.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom Conjunct Part of Fortune: Groom feels more lucky because of the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom conjunct Vertex: Groom feels like the marriage is destined.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom 6H: Groom could feel like he heals during the wedding. He could also feels like he feels in harmony and stable. He could also feel very involved in the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom Libra: Groom will be very romantic during the wedding. Will also be very good looking and dress nice.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom sextile Chiron: Groom heals his wound during the wedding.

₊˚⊹♡ 2H Gemini means the gifts will be unexpected and full of spontaneity! But also that the wedding could not be that expensive in the end.

₊˚⊹♡ 4H Cancer means your parents will be very emotional during your wedding and perhaps more your mother!

₊˚⊹♡ 5H Leo means the wedding party will be super fun! It also means people will dance a lot, just enjoy themselves a lot. It will feel like a night in a lifetime.

₊˚⊹♡ Groom trines Juno means Groom will feel very in love.

₊˚⊹♡ Asteroid DNA (55555) conjunct 8H could mean a baby could be made during the honeymoon...

₊˚⊹♡ Moon 8H could mean the same thing!

₊˚⊹♡ Capricorn 10H 29° can mean many people wish they could be invited to the wedding. The wedding will have the reputation of being a high class wedding or a wedding everyone will talk about. Even people who are not invited.

₊˚⊹♡ 11H Aquarius could mean the guests will be people the couple love very much, and they consider their friends. The guests could come from different area of the world, different work area, different social classes, etc.

₊˚⊹♡ 11H's Ruler in the 10H could mean some guests could be famous or well known to the public.

₊˚⊹♡ 10H's ruler in the 12H could mean the wedding will def be a private one.

Thank you for reading!

back to index ; ask ; requests ; rules

[minggukieology]

Happy FACE era and happy Jikook days to all!

I promise I'll write a few in depth reflections on the latest Jikook interactions and also will address 편지 in another post but I just wanted to get a few things off my chest so I wanted to post this first. (Sorry, this post will mostly include my reflections and no profound analysis so if you're not interested in my ramblings, you can skip this one)

*inserts these pics to catch your attention lol*

I guess I'll start off by this: I did make the conscious decision to lay off the petiness a few months ago though I can't help but think these few days (even weeks) happened for the sake of all the hateful trolls who have been making rounds even on here revelling in the fact both Jimin and Jungkook were mostly off-grid and Kook spotted having a social life, which somehow automatically discounted any possibility of him keeping in touch with/seeing anyone else for some reason.... but anyways... for the sake of keeping my karma clean let's move on.

Being an ARMY with a special fondness for 3J and Jikook I have to say my life is pretty easy, I just lay back and enjoy as their appearances happen and let things unfold without having to get angry or hateful. Mostly because my love for them doesn't hinge upon a never-ending need for validation for what has been a constant for the past 10+ years. And I hope by communicating and trying to explain more closely to you how especially Jimin and Jungkook interact, trying to help you bridge the language gap, I really hope you feel this sense of calmness as well. There is never anything to question, to fuss or argue about. (Not to stray too much off topic, but rest assured I deeply value and appreciate each and one of your replies and messages, despite the fact I am notoriously bad at replying to them 🫣)

Watching Jimin and Jungkook interact always feels like home, like you have been granted an insight into a familiar scene, with people that are so close they can't help but joke around or poke at each other yet at the same time can't hold back on their appreciation and softness for each other. (If you need a visual representation just take any moment Jimin talks about/with Jungkook and automatically gets all giggly and soft and Jungkook's last live where you could see the little goofball laughing at ex. the teasing scenes but at the same time couldn't hold back his starry eyed expression 🥹)

I have to admit though, I myself got proven wrong when I confidently posted about how they are both missing ARMY based on the Weverse interactions and then proceeded watching Jungkook turn on a live barely interacting with the comments (even remarking on the fact he isn't checking them yet people keep writing lol) just to watch over 1hr of Jimin content and admit to have been staying on top of all his promo releases...To then read Jimin's reply in which he left no room for debate. 국민 정말 미안해ㅠㅠㅠ

So what have we learned over the past few days?

Jimin and Jungkook are fine, in fact better than fine, and not seeing them in public proves absolutely jack sh*t (reverting back to a bit of my pettiness here)

Jungkook was involved with the album more than we could have ever imagined. (can't wait to talk more about 편지, I have to say not many songs have ever touched me as much as this one, for various reasons...)

Jungkook visited Jimin's rehearsal (and was really interested in watching him record for a music show too 🥺) and was also for that reason so confidently announcing that something "amazing beyond words" was coming before the teaser for Set me free pt. 2 dropped

As expected Jimin's latest schedules are recording/company-home-eat-sleep and repeat so he has barely any time left and Jungkook misses him a lot :(

Jungkook is as supportive and admiring of his hyung as ever- his words not mine (still a huge Serendipity stan though 🤭)

And once again highlighting: their communication feels very warm, friendly and familiar, there is no sign of them not knowing about each other or being distant

This was all I just had to write down before my head started spinning, I will be back with more of my nerdy language analysis posts, thanks for reading if you decided to! 😊

[theheirofthesharingan]

I saw you reblogged a post requesting asks so here is my contribution. Feel free to ignore, because it is probably a difficult question.

So, the Uchiha burdened Itachi with their problems and used him against the village even though he was just a child. From your posts I see you defend this and there is no much to argue here, it is pretty obvious it is true regardless of the legitimate reasons they had to oppose the village. So, in your opinion, and based on the situation they were in, what would have been your course of action if you were in their place? In Fugaku's place, let's say. What should they have done taking into account that even leaving the village peacefully can be considered treason.

I just don't have the slightless idea and I think maybe you are the right person to come up with a good analysis of this.

Great blog, by the way. Happy to see a space to love both Sasuke and Itachi, it is so rare. Enjoy the day/night, whatever it is at your end.

Hey!

Yes, it is a difficult question because of the possibilities and AUs it can conjure. I'll try to answer it as best as I can.

The Uchiha clan was doomed from the start. From the time of Madara and Hashirama, I mean. It was always a one-sided game where Uchiha were always seen as an afterthought. As a goodwill gesture, Hashirama tried to offer Madara the Hokage seat and then deserted him. Okay, maybe there was some weight in what Tobirama said.

Hashirama was the driving force behind the truce and the village. It was his vision that he never gave up on and continued to fight for despite Madara not being in the picture. Uchiha also acknowledged his contribution. They lived in a warring era, so everyone was fed up with this perpetuatal violence and hate, Uchiha included. That makes Tobirama's next words about them bullshit. Unlike both Madara and Tobirama, Hashirama - who had also lost his siblings - tried to look at the bigger picture. The problem was that he chickened out of his promise he made to Madara in the last moment, which is a major breach of trust on both personal and diplomatic fronts. Both Madara and Hashirama were clan leaders and must have had the abilities required to carry on the responsibility of the village. Yes, the village was growing with other clans coming to live in and you needed abled leaders, Hashirama should have thought of it before rather than changing his stance after the proposing Madara the Hokage seat. They were both capable of handling the village, and one would always have the back of the other, because they had seen some of the worst alone, and endured the same things since their childhood.

Then, Hashirama backed out. And Madara attacked the village multiple times, slowly tarnishing the name of the Uchiha clan, who wanted nothing more than to live in peace.

To summarize it, the conflict in which Itachi was brutally used was bigger than him, Fugaku, and the clan itself. It was a deeply rooted prejudice that had taken hold because of the events of the past. It would be impossible to get rid of it and also convince the village that they were oppressed.

If they tried violent methods for it (coup d'état), it would be the end for the clan in more ways than one. It was never, ever the answer to the oppression, especially because lives were not at stake with this.

What else could they have done?

Diplomacy.

It was like shooting an arrow in the dark with the coup which may or may not have been successful, so why not try something else before taking the destructive path?

Obito mentions Hiruzen wanted to buy some time, but it wasn't enough. In Itachi's memories we see Hiruzen saying the same. Though from his Midnight novel we know Hiruzen didn't do much to help the cause and was secretly okay with the clan's extinction. It might not have been entirely due to hate or prejudice that Danzo had; instead it was 'I will not have to work on this issue too much, too long if the clan's dead completely since they're not backing out.'

It's a valid argument that since Hiruzen knew about the clan's displeasure with the system, he could have reached out too. It was his duty. However, as the marginalised group the clan could also have reached out, instead of, you know, throwing a 10-year-old child to do the spying for them, collect the information, and then attack the government.

The idea of the coup was shortsighted and upto no good. This is when the Uchiha did have some power in their hands.

They had their roots set deep into the Anbu as well.

The Uchiha police force had enough power to arrest anyone except for the Anbu (they could arrest any other Shinobi and civilians).

They had their connections in Anbu. Like I said before, pressurizing Hiruzen into taking an action and letting him know of their plight would have been a better idea than sending a child to spy for them. It was a matter of 'we'll see what happens' anyway. So why not first reach out to seek support and then do something about it if your demands are not met? It would most likely come to that eventually, but making a noise, letting others know, would have been better than sending Itachi into it. There might have been some dissenters who might have supported them, and helped their cause.

In Itachi's novels, which elaborate on the oppression, the clan looking for negotiation is never mentioned either. Historically, too, going against the village had resulted in the complete annihilation of a clan.

It all boils down to taking one more chance with the negotiation before taking the drastic measures.

One more thing that would make more sense than what they actually did, would have been waiting for the old geezer i.e., Hiruzen to die. If they weren't planning the coup d'état, Konoha would have no reason to kill them. Hiruzen wasn't immortal. He would have died at one point.

Koharu and Homura recommended Jiraiya instead of Danzo to be the fifth Hokage. In Kakashi's filler arc, Hiruzen kicks him out after the massacre, but manga doesn't provide any such information. When he's introduced he's already the leader of the Root.

There are countless possibilities on the outcome of Konoha Crush with Uchiha being in the picture. But let's say it does happen and Orochimaru causes enough damage and kills Hiruzen, the old man is dead, which gives way to the fifth Hokage. By this time Shisui must be grown up. There's a possibility he might have been Hiruzen's successor. If not him, and Tsunade does show up as Hiruzen's successor, the kind of person we know she is, she would be far more compassionate towards the clan.

Unlike Hiruzen she put Danzo and the other two elders in their place. She took stand for Naruto. She had immense respect for Kakashi as well. I strongly believe she would have been the perfect person to understand and help the clan. I don't view her as a one-dimensional 'loyal to Konoha' woman as her predecessors were, who wanted to protect the landmass rather than lives of the civilians.

Given her character I imagine her to be able to separate the cause of the clan's dissatisfaction towards the village and work on it. She wasn't blind in prejudices like others were.

I also imagine she'd dote on both Itachi and Sasuke. And Itachi might be her successor since in the novel he wanted to be one.

Also, thank you for the kind words. I know it's super rare to find people who love both the brothers. So it's nice to come across people who share my love for them both.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hiii, miss me?

Now you want to kiss me (or have to? Wasn't there a song like that?)

This month my blog turned two years old. I got the notification in my email. Last year I made an entire celebration post by publishing the funniest/ridiculous asks I got. There were good times back then. Still. Not so much afterwards.

I wasn't the nicest presence in the last few months leading to me abandoning the blog. And I wasn't too discreet about it. Although there was more to it, a lot more. But I'll get there.

First things first. Why am I here when on the 24th of March I dramatically declared that I'm leaving forever? Well, that was a very emotionally-charged post and the result of a few factors. I'm not entirely proud of how I made my exit, but it's also a true reflection of my personality so there's no point in making excuses. Nevertheless, I will explain as much as I can (I still care about privacy, just like before).

On that Friday, I woke up excited. I took a day off from work (yes...I know), I listened to Face, watched the music video. All good. But I was also dreading a bit having to come here because I knew there was this expectation of me to come up with some thought-provoking analysis, say something smart and all that. I was exhausted on all levels, emotionally and intellectually. I had also promised to leave after the promotions were over, somewhere in the middle of April (who would have thought it would last 9 days? Not me), but the plans changed. Not to drag it too much, but on that day I also officially announced to some concerned parties that I'm changing career paths. You know, just something I thought I'd be doing until the day I die and I've been working towards for at least 10 years. No big deal. I was planning on doing it anyway, but actually saying the words and make it real is a different story. I felt extatic, full of adrenaline, so happy with my decision and at that moment, it felt the right time to close BMT. It was somehow directly connected. I made the blog as an escape and now I got the opportunity to turn the page over. It was perfect. Best day ever. I clicked post, I logged out, and then I sat. And after a while, the reality of my decisions hit me in the face. And I felt sad and empty because what the hell am I doing now and what is my identity? I closed my blog too which was my main hobby. And so followed some difficult days. And then it got better. And then bad again. And so on, because it's a roller coaster.

The thing is, I can change my interests, but I can't stop myself from being opinionated. And getting excited. And wanting to talk about it. And share all that on a public platform with some strangers that are interested in what I have to say. Or they used to. It's who I am.

This blog won't remain Bangtan Media Thoughts because I want more than that. I will rebrand this page. I could start fresh with a new blog, but this is still my space and I know some people were interested in reading about other things as well from me, not just BTS. I hope I can built something from that.

The blog won't reflect only a specific niche of interests, but everything that I like in terms of pop culture. From movies, music, fashion, gossip, you name it. Including Kpop. And if I feel the need to rant about Hybe after talking about Ryan Gosling's Ken, I will. Same about JM, JK or whoever I feel like it. If there is a good advice that I got in the last few months, is to adapt and not force myself to abandon something completely. Because it's not as easy as it sounds. And to be honest, it was easier to give up smoking than completely lose interest in kpop. It's a habit. Perhaps this new blog will reflect the way I try to deal with that. A bit more honestly, a little less discourse, certainly less essays because I don't have them in me at the moment. But never say never. This blog will be all me, not just BMT.

I will change the name and url 24h after I post this. This will be an opportunity for all my followers to decide if they want to stay or they are not interested in the new direction. Feel free to do as you please. I welcome new people and greet the old ones who didn't hit unfollow for some reason.

It will go like this:

Bangtan Media Thoughts > Reflections in a Critical Eye

New theme, new profile photo, new beginnings.

All the old posts will still be here. I don't plan on deleting anything. They are all a product of me and my brain and they have their place. I'll probably pin some new posts these days that have to do with the rebranding. It will be like a construction site, but it will be worth it.

One last thing though. After I abruptly left, I received some DMs. I saw them back then. I do feel sorry about those who wanted to check in with me or with whom I used to talk regularly. But I do hope that some of the things I said today will explain my behavior. I also won't start communicating again like that, at least for now. I always felt a bit pressured and I'm not the best at maintaining conversations in private. If that changes, I'll make that clear.

That's it for now. I'm excited. I feel like writing again so here's to another chapter.

My inbox is open and will be, just as usual. No more messages to BMT, but you can call me M. Like in the Bond movies 😉

[foibles-fables]

hi foibs, hoping you’re doing well. there’s something i’ve wanted to ask you since burning shores…can you say more about why you weren’t impressed by seyka/seyloy? i’ve valued your hzd opinions for a long time and am curious and interested to learn more about this one. but if you’d rather not answer that’s fine!

Hi nonny!! I told myself I wasn't going to answer any of these, but I really appreciate your kind tone and am happy to address this again for you!

I won't go into a list of specific reasons why here. I do enjoy a good bit of piece-by-piece analysis a LOT but--frankly, picking apart another ship in a public zone like this is not what I want to exemplify on my blog, at all. It's not the kind of environment I'd like to create or discourse I'd like to foster. If those conversations are to be had at all--which, let's face it, they're probably not--they're to be had one on one, with a promise of good faith and open-mindedness between participants.

So to answer your question, I'll give a little more info, but still in generalities.

First and foremost, it's the simple fact that their dynamic, as portrayed in HBS, didn't spark for me! If y'all know me, you know that there is a very specific ship dynamic that I tend to latch onto, and this repeats ad infinitum across fandoms. I just wasn't compelled by the material, which is fine! More power to you if you were, for sure.

That loops into the second reason I'll give: yes, I did find the writing of HBS to be lackluster in many aspects, including the relationship between Aloy and Seyka. The sloppy writing absolutely influenced the way I viewed/reacted to Aloy and Seyka as a ship. To me, it did feel rushed and very much removed from the character and pacing of the series we've known for years. And that was not a boon for connecting with the presented narrative, the same way I began to feel disconnected from HFW. Once again, though, totally subjective and valid if it did hit for you!

I wanted to like Seyka so much more than I did. (This is--as I've shared other posts before--commentary on the writer's room character work, not on Seyka.) I wanted her to oust Alva as my favorite Quen babygirl (A HARD CHALLENGE, I'll admit). I wanted to be compelled by her, and by her dynamic with Aloy. She didn't, and I wasn't. And that's not an attack on Seyka herself, or on folks who enjoyed her. That's my own peeve with the writing and the way she was presented both in the narrative and in the HBS marketing.

If I can also use your ask to be a little vulnerable, nonny? It's been a hard six weeks. I feel like the posts I've put up and the opinions I've offered with regards to this have been nothing less than respectful and pleasant and, in a lot of cases, that grace hasn't been returned. From being blocked/unfollowed/vagued by other Horizon wlw shippers with whom I've built a rapport over the years (which of COURSE it's anyone's right to curate their feeds--still stings on the other side, in this situation especially)--to being directly compared to the Actual Homophobes for supporting the idea of romance options in game three (the same Actual Homophobes sending death and other threats directly to my inboxes)--it's an unfortunate state. I'm doing my best to be positive for the whole fandom, but some days it's harder than others.

In any case--I'll say, contradictorily--there is a Seyloy idea I've been working on, in attempts to connect more with them and sublimate my quibbles with what was presented in canon. So I hope any Seyloy enjoyers who might read it eventually (and this!) will take it in good faith when it's finished, as it's being written in nothing but good faith!

And, FINALLY, because every single time this question comes up, I say "I DON'T DISLIKE SEYKA" out loud in Nadja's voice, and this is the perfect opportunity to finally make the joke in public:

[theonethatyaks93]

Finally Talking About Dark Pinky (Day 7 of Pinky Week)

Guess who showed up finally!

Yep, you read that title correctly. No, this isn't some belated April Fool's Day prank. Happy Dark Pinky Thursday to all my fellow evil mice enjoyers and welcome to the final installment of Pinky Week!! This has completely gone off the rails and I apologize for the extensive delays and unkept promises; I was just so tired and I required a lot of breaks. So, to thank everyone who's been with me, I decided to make my last post for Pinky Week a tribute to the fans! Get ready, because things are going to get interesting.

4/6/23- Dark Pinky Discussion/Analysis: A popular fandom character, Dark Pinky is the character you go to if you're looking for the Animaniacs/Pinky and the Brain fandom's official Tumblr sexyman. Gaining popularity in 2020 due to Dark Pinky Thursdays popping up as a meme, the homicidal and delightfully malevolent mouse has made his presence very well known on a variety of sites. And yes, I definitely have fallen to all the art and fanfiction I've seen of him. He's a great character, has a lot of potential for fanfiction, and is delightfully evil with a dark, twisted sense of humor (at least that's what I've taken from him). He's a recent obsession of mine and I'm glad to finally admit that I really do like him. I'm also glad to be contributing to his every growing fanbase. This essay will trace Dark Pinky's history, how he became so popular, and what he brings to the overall Pinky and The Brain community. And yes, I'll be mentioning Future Brain a few times since that is part of the story.

Humble Origins (Pinky and The Brain Comic Issues #1 and #24):

You might be surprised to realize but originally, Dark Pinky was more of a comedic villain rather than an outright malicious one. In fact, his plans were often times very silly and his tendency to break into evil laughter was more funny than menacing. He'd make his grand debut in Issue #1 of the Pinky and The Brain comics, being the one who ruled the alternate superhero universe Pinky and Brain find themselves in. At first, he doesn't reveal himself, rather he uses Dark Brain as a cover-up. But from the moment he appears, we get a sense of how different he is when compared to the original Pinky. Dark Pinky wears purple armor with gloves and pretty awesome spikes on his shoulders; he also has a long purple cape. The tufts of fur on his head are more straight and less curled, he has fangs, and wears a metal headpiece that (I believe) allows him to read minds. He still retains the iconic verbal tics that Pinky has and he also does an evil laugh after nearly everything he says. His personality is similar to Pinky, but with a slightly more villainous side. He finds pleasure in creating dastardly plans, showing the power and control he has, and relinquishes in the suffering he brings to others. However, he remains excitable, gets distracted by inane things, and his plans are more comical when compared to how the fandom would shape him to be. Dark Pinky does plan on murdering both Pinky and Brain but is defeated after he reads Pinky's mind and finds "horrifying imagery." He eventually returns in Issue #24 where he ends up trying to take over via public broadcasting. He's now bent on revenge and has a group of minions (in hilarious purple costumes) at his behest. He even calls upon the help of Poison Billie (another semi-popular character from this universe), and the two look like they may succeed. Eventually, Brain and Pinky do manage to defeat Dark Pinky and Poison Billie once again, this time seemingly for good. Dark Pinky's plan in this issue is very ridiculous and isn't scary in the slightest. It's almost intriguing on how he started out as such a comical villain before a few people decided to make him a little more unique. Dark Pinky remains to this day a comic exclusive character, never appearing in any of the T.V shows or even getting a mention in the series. The comics have also been questioned for the canonicity due to a few factors. However, Dark Pinky wouldn't be forgotten for long. Things only get weirder from here.

Dark Pinky and the Tumblr Sexyman Trope:

Now we're getting to the point where we must discuss the fandom. But before we do that, let's talk about the thing that made him famous in the first place: the Tumblr Sexyman craze. In the early 2010's after the release of the film The Lorax, a group of adolescent girls became attached to the character of The Once-ler, but not for his personality, rather for his appearance. The trend started up on Tumblr and began to grow in popularity to massive degrees. And this fandom was weird to say the least. People shipped the Once-ler with himself or alternate versions of himself and he became known as the first official Tumblr sexyman. However, as the years passed, more and more characters were added to the collection of Tumblr sexymen. Most of them had a common theme: tall, white, baddie/emo, often seen in suits. Others such as Sans from Undertale were a little different but still contained a few typical tropes. To be considered a sexyman, a character needed to showcase at least one or two of these traits plus have a dedicated following with a lot of fanart and/or fanfiction. They also can be considered conventionally unattractive or non-human. After the introduction of the Tumblr sexyman, many fandoms tried their best to find a perfect match for the rising phenomenon. And luckily, the Animaniacs/PaTB fandom had their candidate. While Pinky Suavo also caught on very quickly and was more well-known for his episode, Dark Pinky seemed to be the most accurate to the previously established tropes, being tall, white, evil, wearing purple armor, having a mysterious past, and sporting a super cool design. The potential for him was rabid and he seemed to check off all the boxes perfectly. It did take a while for people to find him, considering the comics are so obscure, but eventually Dark Pinky would hit the fandom in a way previously not though of before. Nobody would realize the impact this character would have. Until it was too late.

Dark Pinky is a Sensation (And how the fandom changed him):

Art featured below is by the incredibly talented @wimsiecal And if you're perchance reading this, I just want to tell you that your art is amazing and you have made me obsessed with Dark Pinky to an unhealthy degree!!! :) Seriously please go follow them if you haven't already, I'm begging you!!

After the fandom discovered Dark Pinky from the depths of the comic book series, his popularity skyrocketed, especially after the 2020 fandom revival. He quickly became known as the Pinky and The Brain Tumblr sexyman and that hasn't changed since, though Pinky Suavo has joined him. Dark Pinky fanart, fanfiction, and various other forms of media became extremely sought after and many posts would get thousands upon thousands of views/likes. Despite never appearing in the series, fans of Dark Pinky's would often point out moments where Pinky acted like his evil counterpart, some even editing screenshots to have Pinky appear like him. However, since Dark Pinky only appeared in two comics, the fans naturally had to get creative with him. Many fans have completely changed his character, altering his appearance every so slightly, or expanding on his past and personality. Dark Pinky's fan design was only a tad bit different. He was given sharper edges, different outfits in various shades of purple and black, a more detailed helmet, and he even appeared without the whole getup. Dark Pinky's design without armor or the helmet was entirely made up by fans. Here, he has the same body as Pinky but with scars (including a super cool one over his eye), dark eye shadow, and black painted nails. Dark Pinky's personality was also altered, making him a legitimate threat and an actual evil villain. He kills, his grip on the world is ruthless, he treats his servants like crap, and he shows no mercy to anyone. His comical plots from the comics are no more as he's become kind of scary and menacing. You don't want to mess with him. Yes he does have a sense of humor, but it's often twisted or at the expense of others. Dark Pinky still on occasion does an evil laugh or has a verbal tic but it's usually when he's upset. Some fans have given him a soft side; some of which include his feminine urges remaining intact and that he has a fondness for cheese. But be careful. In a few variations from people in the community, Brain is mysteriously absent. Mentioning Brain to Dark Pinky in those universes will often cause him to go into an insane rage. These fun and interesting pieces that were added to Dark Pinky not only make him more interesting, but add to his status as a Tumblr sexyman. These changes aren't technically canon, but they're arguably better since they make Dark Pinky stand out. It is quite strange to see him change from a comical antagonist to a semi-serious villain worth being feared, but it was much appreciated.

Dark Pinky Gets a Love Interest and an AU (Dark Future Ship/Fan-made Universes):

For the longest time, Dark Pinky didn't have a love interest of any kind. Sure, if you wanted to be shunned you could ship him with Poison Billie (please don't), but Brinky was the name of the game. The ship between Pinky and Brain was, and still is, incredibly popular among fans, after it gained popularity in the late 2000's and early 2010's. And of course when Dark Pinky got popular, he needed someone to be paired with. For a while, he would be shipped with just regular Brain or a fan-made evil version of Brain if creativity was present. Luckily, the fans finally got their perfect match when the Animaniacs reboot came out. In episode 9, the character of Future Brain was created and fans immediately compared him to Dark Pinky. Their color schemes were similar with both mice being seen in purple. Future Brain had a scar, robotic hand, and half of his face was robotic, all of which fit into Dark Pinky's universe very well. The hints that Future Brain was betrayed by Pinky also had many theorizing that he came from a future ruled by Dark Pinky, connecting the two together even more. It wasn't long before Future Brain and Dark Pinky ship fanart and fanfiction began popping up everywhere. Since the duo had very similar esthetics, they could be drawn together easily. The story potential was also very high as well. Dark Pinky and Future Brain dominated (pun intended) the fanbase and soon became seen as an alternate ship to Brinky. But while Brinky was healthy and cute, Dark Future (Often called the official ship name) was toxic and awkward. Some people portrayed them as an evil couple ruling the world together, while others painted their relationship in a negative light, where Dark Pinky was abusive and manipulative. It depended solely on what person was developing the story. Future Brain was also added to the quickly developing Dark Pinky alternate universe which has been shown via the extremely popular ask blog askdarkpinky. Featuring beautiful fanart and a darkly humorous tone, this blog is a must-view for any Dark Pinky fan. It created an expansive universe with lore, locations, and alternate versions of popular characters. Snowball remains consistent in the flashback sequences, aligning with his canon character exactly. Billie retains a majority of elements from Poison Billie minus the orange hair, including the plant themed outfit. Julia has a new look with a lab coat and goggles. She's works for Dark Pinky, making all of his technology. Brain is noticeably absent from this universe, with only hints to his possible location. It's also implied that this is in fact Future Brain and that he might be doing something. Dark Pinky goes crazy when Brain is brought up and refuses to hear anything about him. This drama and conflict is so interesting. The creation of this ship and various alternate universes only increased Dark Pinky's popularity and now, he stands as a cornerstone of the Pinky and The Brain fanbase.

Conclusion: Though Pinky himself is a beloved character, Dark Pinky stands on his own as a fandom favorite. From his design to his personality and potential, he fits the Tumblr sexyman ideology to near perfection. The fans have shaped this character and have made him stand apart from the rest. Sure, he's evil and doesn't treat things with care, but he's a good character. It's really spectacular that people in the community were able to turn Dark Pinky from a villain that existed mainly for comedy to a threatening presence with an un-hinged mindset. The fans are truly to thank for bringing Dark Pinky into greatness and there's hope that he can remain relevant and continue to entertain people (and make people question their sanity/sexuality) for a few more years to come.

OMG!! Pinky Week is finally done!! Woo hoo!! I'd like to thank all of you for sticking with me for this long period of time. You have been the thing that's kept me making these. I'll be taking a small break for the next few days and then Brain Week will begin! I can assure you guys that Brain Week will not take as long and will be better planned out. I can't wait to begin! Anyways, that's it for Pinky Week! Thank you for reading and have a great day/night! Happy (possibly belated) Dark Pinky Thursday to everyone!! Narf!

[mari-lair]

hiii i stumbled across your blog a few days ago because of your terukane and sunflower trio posts and really really enjoyed it along with all your tbhk aus! i was a disappointed to hear you were leaving the fandom and discontinue your works, but i hope you find happiness in whatever other fandom you find yourself in! :DD

Thank you, Anon! It always warms my heart when I get sweet messages like yours, I'm happy you like my blog :D

I am still trying to figure out how to write for the hxh fandom, but so far I am having fun, thank you <3

btw! Here is some info you may like to hear Anon! Leaving the fandom to become a casual reader does not mean throwing everything about tbhk away, at least, not to me.

If you check my profile you'll even see this:

This means that I am no longer engaged enough to care about any other character outside my trio, not even Hanako or Mitsuba or whatever, and I will not do any theories regarding canon. And while I can no longer get insane enough to write complex fics (like all the fics I'm abandoning) I do still get Teru Akane Aoi related ideas, I'll just keep the idea compacted into a one-shot instead of going insane about built ups and world building and things that need long-term engagement to write.

So while I am not invested enough in the manga to consider myself part of the fandom, I am still fond of my trio. I can not promise the usual 'long analysis' I used to do (not even for my favs), but I will still do silly posts of little things I like or I notice.

[bookishtheaterlover7]

The world does not revolve around Chris. He does not have private people follow him around 24/< for hair , makeup and styling. STOP thinking he's Carmen Sandiago. Hes not the Dr. He doesnt have a Tardis where he can juat pop up in diffrent coutries

🗑 messed up big we saw neither of thise rings were hers as multiple celebs have gone on Re cord how it words with borrowed jewlery so they wouldnt be putting things on there that didnt below. Theres been half a dozen rumors olthey are each flying back and forth and here and there and it statted immediately after Bookie and her friend exposed the video Jus and 🗑 posted. Immediately after it got traction rumors started and rumors will continue to clean up the mess.

No one knows when a video is made. I do pagesnts and not pageants have narional winners do holiday shoots all in one day. Evwry single holiday we made a video for and did photos with specific clothes and changes of make up here and there. He couldve filmed the video right after the auction was over or he couldve done it last weekend. It doesnt matter. And yea you cant deny that is a weird yellow gold color.

STOP trying to drum up drama

Oh and p.s. if youre going to post thing fro lm soxial at leaat be smart enough to see what is or isnt enabled on his profile right now

But lets STOP looking for drama take the quiet and enjoy sweater season. Aldo atop trying to figure out where he is based off when things are posted. Chris has said hes a night own and up late so fans probably expect things to be put up late. Or maybe* gasp* soemone forgot to post it so they did it quick or maybe well maybes can go on fkrever ok so stop reading into everything it will not onlt drive you nuts but everyone else.

The fansom should be an escape not oh god what new drama could i encounter if i say hi to friends

Well said, An🫶n, and seriously, go off!!!

And I agree... All of this back and forth is truly a pain for all. Not everything has to be broken down. I'm honestly waiting for photos or video to analyze.

And it's true, about the thing about the Fandom being some sort of escape. I came and joined for the happy fun times, I only stumbled into this because somebody got me curious. Now, I'm here, and we finally have the chance to enjoy the Fandom without Albitch and her merry band of thick faced racists making some form of drama one way or another.

I'm sorry! But I will fight but only if bullshit is around. It helps me with whatever is going on in my personal life. But the analysis of when he posts or where he's flown to and where, I'll listen but doesn't mean I'm going to overcomplicate my life trying to figure out WTF is going on somewhere over the rainbow.

This is definitely not good bye. Not by a long shot. This is a I need to take time for myself, and enjoy life while I'm not preoccupied in/with someone else's drama.

But either when I finish those fics I promised, or if something big happens, I will be back...

And final message for trolls and Team Real just waiting to pounce...

See you soon...

[seyfertgalaxy]

heres a stretch/small analysis about Lilith Clawthorne. but its mostly projection🌻

so, we all know that her and Eda wanted to join the Emperor's Coven together at a young age. and this is pretty obvious and kinda shown, but Lilith clearly still cared about Eda while she was in the coven.

and I'm tired of people saying Lilith is at fault entirely. yes, she shouldn't have cursed her sister and she should have known better, but she didnt expect *this*. she even says so. "i thought it would only be for a day". and she also states she should have shared the "pain" long ago. so she does that spell thingy(with this spell declared, let the pain be shared)and bOOM! both now have the same curse. and it was a step in the right direction and a step toward her redemption. also she was a child, and she KNEW that Eda would beat her. so in a panic, she just decided to curse her sister. but she only thought it would take away her magic for THAT day. she didnt expect Eda to leave the match, she didnt expect the curse to do *that*, basically everything that happened was out of her control from then on. and she also hesitated on getting the curse, opening the curse, and then following through with it.

and now for the analysis part, but its unnecessary stuff and mostly projection(as the oldest sibling who has been in Lilith's shoes before). so, with joining the coven, she sets forth to heal her sister's curse. and is even promised, by the Emperor, that he will aid her in this mission. when she finally has her sister, she expects Belos to cure her. and its revealed to be a lie. Belos never planned on curing Eda, or even helping her, he just wanted to basically kill her. probably to show the citizens what happens to those who aid in "wild magic". blah blah blah..

and some mannerisms from Lilith just show that she still has some of this unhealthy mindset(from the coven). whenever King is revealed as a titan, she just goes into this... "mode". shes beginning to worship him since hes a god after all. but he makes it VERY clear that she is making him uncomfortable, and that he is JUST King. himself. she bows to him, even making Hooty bow with her, she follows King around, "King deserves our praise", and she keeps emphasizing that he is a god and her "lord". she even gets annoyed with herself whenever she "takes his name in vain". later on, King points this all out and then Steve recommends a therapist to her(Steve probably went through similar things). and she doesn't even DENY any of this, she just kinda cowers in embarrassment and goes silent.

she was also like this at a young age, whenever she was a child. so, it likely just worsened whenever she joined the Emperor's Coven.

annddd, another thing i wanna note is how she "loosens" up steadily as she progresses mentally. wooo, leave your cult! she starts expressing herself more and more, allowing herself to be comfortable, doing things she enjoys, and actually being *happy*.

also whenever Eda slightly hints at leaving with her to the Emperor's Coven, Lilith used to light up and drop her whole "act" and "persona". acting like her childhood self again, just in the slightest. its a small thing to note

also whenever she's saying she "cant go back empty handed", you know what it reminds me of?

yeahhhh.. so the Emperor's coven seems to just normalize abuse(especially toward Hunter and the other golden guards but I'll get to.that in a different post). which is also likely why Steve needed a therapist after leaving. "i got what i wanted, but it wasnt what i thought it was"(or something like that)

[fifteenth-entity]

hi person I definitely do not know, choose the number 22 now let's see what you got

*cracks knuckles and neck*

everyone, meet my arch fucking nemesis.

one day, while we were in a literature workshop i think, we promised each other we'd write a character analysis of each other. we're both too scared to do it, but i will make a stand and this will be like... a hint of that. a teaser of what could be. an idea.

I don't exactly know where to start so I'll just pick a random point: I said previously that I visit Rei's house the most. That's because I practically live at Dee's house. It became so bad we eventually started going to uni together. It became a meme. and for good reason.

Dee is the most terrifying person you will ever see, but then you'll talk with them for 15 minutes and if you do end up clicking, you'll discover that there's nothing to be afraid of. They're very sweet, but so extremely introverted. Im an archeologist and they're ancient ruins which I KNOW exist and i WILL be digging them up.

but this person. this specimen. this creature. this eldritch entity. honestly man, i dunno what to say, other than this guy (gnc) is one of my best fucking friends and i am so happy about that. this BRAIN. they are genuinely the most fun to discuss shit about. like theyre one of the few people where i will rave about my special interests and they will rave about theirs and we will be having Fun.

speaking of raving about special interests, theyre one of the few neurotypical people with whom i genuinely feel heard and properly taken care of with. like so many of my acquiantances will just not understand the mental illness cocktail inside my brain, and dee doesn't either because they just don't experience it, but theyre one of the few people who will make accomodations for me without me even having asked and that is so noble of them.

also sorry for constantly talking about how hArD my life is. except when i say im dying or wanna kill myself. then im not sorry. i am a dramatic son of a bitch and you befriended me on PURPOSE.

also the ones that get it, get it, but creating an au with you has been one of the most fun experiences ever in my life. not only was it such a fun writing exercise (WRITERS CLUB WHO?) but i loved thinking with you and it was an excuse to spend time with you and no joke i would do it all over again and i WILL do it all over again you are extremely unsafe. and while our love languages clash, once we synced up and did parallel play perfectly, it was such... a safe environment. talking and planning an theorizing with them is fun as fuck. but chilling on their couch (aka my bed) while they play some strategy war game and i play breath of the wild and i listen to them rage at egyptians, mongolians, british, scottish, or whoever attacks their faction and theyre panicking about not having enough resources while i rapidly back away from an approaching lynel is so comforting.

drawing in the same room as them and explaining fashion trends while they explained the latest criminal minds episode to me was so fun. it was so safe. i will genuinely cherish every moment with them, and i massively appreciate them. I wont get into what the situation was, but i once had to run to their house at 12.30 am while carrying groceries in my pajamas, and i wouldd do that again, for any reason.

but also they BULLY me and i am being ABUSED. >:(

no bullying from me in this post tho, i already do a lot of that irl and i will not be stopping.

also i know you will never make your own post like this about me, dee, unless you're not a coward :)

[naofaun]

Welcome to naofaun’s blog! 💤

you're feeding me poison, addicted to this feeling, i can't help but swallow up . . .

Nickname/s:

nao, angel

Age:

eighteen

Pronouns:

fluctuating; current: he/him

Misc:

autism, adhd, pots, ehds, bpd, and more

BYI:

i have a very hard time with tone and i would appreciate the usage of tone indicators. if you think im being rude, i promise im not - there's either something going on or it's my poor ability to read and articulate tone.

please refrain from posts or messages containing long strings of emojis. stay away from special fonts or characters. i use a screen reader (albeit very off and on), and these things break it so badly.

DNI:

i don't have much of a dni, but i will block: discourse blogs of any kind, people who believe (p. disorder) abuse exists (“narc abuse”, etc), and for literally any and all other reasons. i block very freely.

————————————

Likes:

rainy days, cats, vampires, psychology, romance novels, pastel colours, video games, pies, ice cream, and more !

Dislikes:

loud noises, hot days, desaturated colours (esp. oranges and greens), derealization horror such as liminal spaces, chicken nuggets, and more !

Hobbies:

reading, writing, gaming, photography, journaling, listening to music, shopping, sleeping, swimming, book collecting, painting, astrology, and poetry

————————————

What this blog posts:

mostly reblogs from hellaverse, persona 5, and more

Media interests:

please note that i am very critical of all of my interests. most, if not all, of these have been or are special interests/hyperfixations at some point.

hazbin hotel [*], genshin impact, minecraft, sims 4, bungou stray dogs, death note, persona 5: royal, castlevania, castlevania: nocturne, vanitas no cartes, honkai star rail, my hero academia, obey me, lego ninjago, lego ninjago: dragon's rising, sander's sides, stardew valley, roblox, life is strange: true colours, slime rancher, detroit: become human, vampyr, and more!

* i do not support the creator of hazbin hotel. i don't condone the use of the r slur, racism, and everything else that's wrong with these shows and vivzie.

{ ♡ } coded tags !!!

Thank you for reading!

—

• { ♡ } moonshine . . .

things that i want to share for later

• { ♡ } sunrise . . .

reblogs or posts about catastrophic, traumatic or otherwise unpleasant world events. please block this tag if you don't want to see it. i stay away from news like this because it severely impacts my mental health but occasionally i'll reblog something.

morro essay:

—

posts im unashamedly proud of (a (future) long list):

childe... analysis thing??

post-season 5 bsd au:

chuuya analysis:

about jealousy:

[songbird-sunrise]

Ooc: Hmm you don’t have to answer this publicly it can just sit in your ask box or something else I don’t mind.

I havent actually been following songbird!wilbur for a significant amount of time, really, the impact was being friends and sometimes friends of friends of people who were running the anonverse and bedrock verse. I feel like I’m overstating my connection, I’m often just following bloggers who are friends with the rp ers, and they are some of the most passionate people they’re totally insane and I love being witness to it

hell, I only started following a couple of months ago, and I didn’t even see whatever meat of conflict that has happened. I’ve just watched it unfold on my dash whatever’s been happening. I don’t think I’ve even sent in an ask.

so that’s to say, I have such a lack of connection to this story, no complex history, no deep understanding, which makes it so much more impressive that the little parts I’ve seen are so emotionally beautiful to me. Even just like the blog header. I’ve been hearing about this story for so long that part of it is the thrill when I do figure out something that’s happened

but more of it? Maybe even most of it? Is because of how much dedication and soul has gone into this story. There is a reason that so many people are passionate, there is a reason that some days I see more fanart of songbird on the dash than like cwjlbur or ccwilbur combined. Because you have made something exquisite with this story and what an honour right? To bear witness to it, even this late, even this far behind.

I think the message, the little scraps of it that my colander brain (system lol) can pick up and I think the message of that. Getting better. Finding community and trust. Finding yourself. I think it’s wonderful.

(What’s embarrassing is that i am for all intents and purposes a fake fan </3 not caught up on any lore I just stare at your header and feel Emotions, so all of this could be entirely 10000% wrong which is why it’s a bit of a like… maybe don’t publish it but perhaps I deserve public punishment for being a clown on anon and sharing emotions)

so yeah uhh you’re amazing I love your rp character and I hope to one day be one of the people posting about them when a particularly cool thing happens. I thank you and applaud you for the amount of work that you have put into this story. Good job. Happy new year to you and happy new year to songbird!wilbur too.

what an exquisite thing I get to see, what could I feel other than honour.

-rib

OOC: Ohhhh my god. oh wow. oh holy shit. this is like the sweetest thing I've ever gotten wtf

usually I don't get very sentimental on here ooc but hey. I'll do it for today

it's been a bit rough writing on songbird-sunrise lately. Nothing I write feels good, and it all feels like such a chore most days. But hearing that you, someone who only recently got involved, loves this silly little character I've made so much absolutely warms my heart. It reminds me of why I do this in the first place

songbird-sunrise is, in a way, my love letter to the dreamsmp and c!wilbur. I know you said your analysis on songbird's themes was probably wrong, but you're actually completely right. We want to show the messy, complicated, hard, and beautiful parts of healing and finding yourself. And the fact that it's conveyed to you without even seeing everything is just. fucking amazing. it's nice to have a direct reminder that I'm actually good at what I love to do for lack of better words

all this to say, thank you. thank you for sending this ask, and thank all of you out there. Whether you're an old fan, a new fan, someone who sends a lot of asks, someone who likes to lurk, someone who makes art, analyses, all of you. thank you, and I promise that there are still some big things planned. The journey of healing is never over, and really, songbird!Wilbur is just beginning :)

-holly and wilbur

[waheelawhisperer]

Okay gonna go ahead and watch the entirety of Volume 9 now that the whole thing's been released. I'll share my impressions of each episode. Half this post is out of date because I originally started writing it when the premier came out and then decided I didn't care enough about RWBY to either continue watching it or continue writing about it midway through, so it will probably be a little disjointed. Further episode reviews will probably be a bit more coherent.

Gonna put everything under the cut because honestly I was not impressed with this episode at all. While there were some things I liked, the tone of this post is going to be very critical in general, so I'm putting that warning out there right now so the people who want nothing to do with that can skip over this post and go on with their day.

Before we begin, I'd like to make it explicitly clear that these are my initial impressions based on my first viewing and that I'm well aware that later episodes might reveal information that changes how I feel about choices made earlier on in the Volume. Given the typical pattern that occurs when I watch RWBY, I fully expect that when I rewatch episodes or watch later episodes or see someone else's takes on the show, I will make connections that I didn't before or find that specific writing choices bother me more or less than they did in the initial moment, so I'm not going to waste time saying "maybe seeing what they do with this later will make it feel better to me" every single time I express a negative opinion. Just assume that I'm doing my best to keep an open mind and remain cognizant of the possibility that things I don't like at first can be recontextualized based on subsequent information.

I should also note that there will be several other factors coloring my analysis. I have listed them below:

Volume 8 sucked ass and did likely-irreparable damage to my opinion of the series

It's been two years since the last Volume released, which means we've had time to build up hopes and expectations. There are things that frustrate me now that may well play better if I watch the prior Volumes and then watch Volume 9 in its entirety immediately after.

Between Volumes 8 and 9, we learned that Rooster Teeth hadn't actually improved like they promised and instead did things like not pay their workers, fire their animation department, and call employees coded slurs on camera. On top of that, I personally learned about some of the stuff Miles Luna has said in the past that is just... ugh, so I don't have a lot of faith that a show controlled and written by this awful fucking company founded on dudebro humor will be a) good and b) willing to tackle any kind of sensitive topic with the tact and seriousness it deserves.

I'm working long hours right now, which means I'm stressed, exhausted, and overall not in a good headspace. My temper is frayed, my memory's slipping, and I'm having trouble gathering and expressing my thoughts. Things that bother me are bothering me more than they normally would, and things that normally make me happy are not making me happy right now. This is unlikely to change prior to the end of Volume 9.

All of this together means I'm much less willing to give Volume 9 the benefit of the doubt than I would've been a few years ago, or even six months ago. That's something to keep in mind as I progress through this post.

That said, I actually really like the opening. The first-person perspective was an interesting change compared to what we usually get, and I really like the way it showed how damn fast Yang went over the edge. I've talked about it before, but the way they chose to portray Yang's fall in slow motion, while suitably dramatic, definitely didn't make it clear that the characters had very little time to react. I think we needed to see Yang get knocked off the ledge in real time and then see Blake fail to save her in dramatic slow motion (side note: Blake was booking it when she saw Yang fall)

I also gotta say I love how Neo was totally willing to throw hands with a teenager in midair. Like, she's just been betrayed by her employer and is possibly falling to her death and the first thing in her head is that she's gonna get her revenge if it's the last thing she does. It's so gloriously self-destructive. I think this is a good character moment for Neo.

After a start that I personally felt was pretty strong, the quality... kinda dips a little. I don't like what happens once we start focusing on Ruby. Her initial response feels very dull to me, and it raises a lot of questions. The first is, like... why isn't she freaking out? Why didn't she vocalize any thoughts? Why is the first thing she actually does vocalize frustration, but specifically frustration played for comedy? Why doesn't she go through the basic wilderness survival checklist a Huntress would presumably have learned (if her schooling didn't teach her, I imagine Qrow would've, and it would've been a nice little callback to the way he mentored her if she had remembered receiving that sort of advice and then acted on it)? Why does she not care that her weapon is missing? Why does she just walk off into the woods like she doesn't give a fuck about anything, including her teammates? Is there a reasonable explanation for her behavior? Is she in shock or something? Is it a good decision on the part of the writers if the answer to the previous two questions is yes (i.e. would it have been better to make Ruby react in some other way)?

I don't like the way we just see Ruby get mad that she's perpetually looping through the forest vs. really grappling with all the events of Volume 8. My guess is that she's doing her usual "crush it all down and put up a front and just never acknowledge any fear or insecurity" thing she likes to do, but it feels to me like it would've been a better choice to get something more out of her, even if it's just a little bit of concern about her teammates. I think they're trying for a slow buildup toward Ruby's breakdown, but we've been waiting for two years and I don't feel like this episode gave us much in general. I'm thinking this might be one of those things where I'd feel better about it if I watched all the relevant episodes in a short timeframe, but it is definitely frustrating now.

This is gonna be a complaint about the episode in general, but I really do not like the decision to go for such a comedic tone. After the tragedy of Volume 8, it just feels jarring. I developed a theory or two about why the writers made this choice as I watched the episode, but neither of them makes it a good one. RWBY should not be trying to be funny right now. A Kingdom fell. Penny died. The girls were traumatized. Why is the first thing we get a bird mocking Ruby and a one-mouse comedy show? This is the wrong choice of tone, and unless the show does something truly phenomenal with it (it won't), I am prepared to die on this hill.

Little's conception of name as purpose is interesting. I have a feeling that identity and purpose and self-perception are going to be prevalent themes throughout this Volume, and I think there's a lot of interesting exploration of those ideas that can be done with all four of our mains, especially Ruby.

WHY DID WE MISS THE BLAKE/WEISS REUNION????? It feels like this episode tries to speedrun the reunification of Team RWBY and there’s no tension to it. That said, I'm glad someone finally acknowledged that weapons other than Crescent Rose have names. That feels like a big part of RWBY's identity and a major element of its themes of self-expression that's really gone underutilized throughout the show's run.

The dialogue here feels a little stilted honestly, would've been nice to see a hug or something (kind of like it would've been nice to see the actual reunion). Really wish that there was more of a sense of urgency when they decide they should try to find the others. Blake was losing her shit when she thought Yang died, I kind of figured she'd be desperate to make sure Yang's okay (and that Weiss, who fought Cinder to the last with her teammate's weapon in her hands and tears running down her cheeks, would have some sort of overt interest in finding anyone that goes beyond "maybe we should look for them, idk").

I like the way Weiss doesn't want to talk about the battle. Feels like it's actually emotionally affected her.

And of course she goes straight from that to comic relief. At least the choice of tone is consistently bad.

We find Gambol Shroud almost immediately. Once again there is no tension or urgency to the search. It's starting to feel like this episode is just speedrunning the Team RWBY reunion so the show can get to whatever the hell it actually wants to do this Volume.

This whole vine trap sequence just annoys me. Why the hell is Weiss cheerleading like Blake is a high school quarterback about to throw a touchdown pass? Why the hell is this show trying to be funny in-universe moments after a Kingdom fell and all four of our mains nearly died? Why the hell are these fucking vines even an obstacle? Blake, you can literally double-jump. I have literally seen you jump higher than this and wall run like a fucking Naruto character without explicitly using your powers. Just pull some Jackie Chan shit and get your weapon back. Pretend, for once, that you are useful in a situation that does not involve either looking cute or pining over Yang. Weiss, you can also literally double-jump. You can help other people double-jump. Stop trying out for the cheerleading squad and do something useful. You could literally make Blake a ladder if you wanted to. For fuck's sake.

When I first watched the episode, I was thinking that maybe the Ever After prevented Semblance use or something, or maybe that it dulled the mental processes of "intruders" like Team RWBY and that was why the characters suddenly had zero brain cells, but after everything else I've learned about this Volume, I'm pretty sure the writers are just incompetent.

There's no tension to them being captured either. Blake, you have a Semblance. Why are these fucking vines even an impediment to you? This episode has thus far failed to set any kind of stakes or establish any kind of threat at all. I don't feel scared for Monochrome here because their captors are a bunch of fucking mice. Blake could free herself with a thought and literally stomp the mice like cockroaches.

Not that it would matter if I did feel anything but annoyance about this scene anyway because Ruby arrives to solve the problem immediately, thus ruining any chance of the show managing to establish any kind of stakes here. Little starts off by... sleeping. What does this character do? Very useful.

The mice, all of them, are fucking annoying. I don't know why they set this trap to begin with or how they knew to bait it with Gambol Shroud and I don't really care. Maybe this'll be one of those things the Volume expands upon later, idk, but right now I'm just waiting for Monochrome to be freed so we can go somewhere else and do something interesting.

Blake, why are you okay with being referred to as a cat? Isn't your whole arc about how Faunus aren't animals and shouldn't be treated as such? Or did you forget that when you also forgot how to fight? Really not doing a great job defending yourself against the years-long accusations of character regression, hon (most of those accusations are stupid but the fact that she did fuck-all besides stare longingly at Yang and wait to be rescued during the Atlas arc lends them some credence, and this is still not a great look regardless).

Interesting that Blake describes Yang as not scary. Very interesting.

Also interesting that Weiss says Yang could be scary if she wanted to. You're not beating the bottom/sub allegations anytime soon, girlie.

Okay, we finally get our first hint that Ruby has an actual plan instead of aimless wandering. Would've been nice if this was indicated in any way earlier, but at least it's something, and that's more than I expect from this episode at this point.

Eat the mouse, Blake. You know you want to. If you're not going to defend yourself against the catgirl profiling, at least live up to it and make this episode more tolerable. I don't know how I feel about her freaking out about Little climbing on her. I think the show is trying too hard to be funny again.

So glad no one gives a fuck about reuniting with Ruby either. Very moving, very emotional. What a close-knit band of friends, what a wonderful found family. RWBY's always had a problem selling the idea that the characters care about each other and are close to each other in the way the narrative wants us to believe they are (because the show doesn't have enough runtime to build those relationships properly and organically and refuses to adjust its scope to fit its resources) and it's getting noticeably worse this episode.

Little fell asleep again. "I can be your trusty guide" -> immediately fails to do anything useful. I don't like this character.

Blake finally shows some urgency. This should've come several minutes ago, but better late than never, I guess. Would be nice if anyone else showed concern for Yang, but I'm not convinced the writers realize there's a spectrum of goal alignment between "unified hivemind" and "only one character is allowed to want or care about any given thing". I still feel no tension around the search for Yang in the slightest. There is nothing in this world to indicate that she won't be totally fine unless she got caught in another stupid vine trap and eaten by mice.

Nice to see Ruby showing interest in the situation. Finally. Also nice to see someone besides Blake showing concern for Yang, muted as it may be. I like the way Weiss is clearly uncomfortable talking about what happened on Rainbow Road. I hope they actually do something with this, but I don't expect it. I don't have enough faith in RWBY's writing for that at this point.

The Jabberwalker is cool. Really freaky. Unfortunately, my torrent didn't have subtitles, so I have no idea what it's saying, which is really annoying.

The mouse goes from useless to active liability. Love it.

Ruby realizes, apparently for the first time, that she doesn't have her weapon. I want to assume that finding it will be a priority, but none of our current main three seem to have any actual priorities at this point, or at least none they care about enough to show any urgency about fulfilling.

Yang, unsurprisingly, is the best part of the episode, not that this is a difficult achievement in the slightest. She demonstrates her absurd (and sexy) physical strength by carrying a rock, this episode, and the weight of her massive balls all at once despite having one arm. You go, girlboss.

Paying attention during the flanking scene, there's a very visible gap in the formation where Ruby's supposed to go. I bet that not being able to participate in combat is not exactly doing great things to her mental state.

The Jabberwalker runs away pretty quick. It feels more like a warning system, or maybe a white blood cell, than a major threat (or maybe trained and Aura/Semblance-empowered Huntresses are just super powerful in comparison to the Ever After). I bet it'll be a recurring problem in this Volume, maybe getting stronger or smarter with every encounter.

I liked that Ruby was running up to Yang and getting ready to greet her until Yang reacted negatively, and I really like that Yang wasn't happy to see Ruby and her other teammates. First Yang thought she died, then she saw Ruby and the others and thought she'd died for nothing. It makes perfect sense that she's not happy right now.

(Side note: I think the Yang Curse Count is up to 3? all under extreme emotional duress. Still not on board with fanworks that portray her as swearing like a sailor. She'd be a better example for her little sister, I guarantee it)

"If you thought we wouldn't come for you, then you must have forgotten who raised me" Ruby what the fuck are you talking about? Were you just going to yeet yourself into the void if you'd won the battle? There was no possible reason for them to think Yang is even alive. They don't know they're the protagonists of a web cartoon. They don't know they have plot armor. To them, Yang was fucking dead. What could following her on purpose even have accomplished besides introducing them to whatever's at the bottom of the abyss at terminal velocity?

That said, I do like the acknowledgement that Yang raised Ruby. That's very important to both characters and I'm really glad someone finally said it out loud. Maybe this'll finally put the "Yang is a bad sister" allegations to rest (jk the people who believe that could be confronted with all the evidence in the world and it wouldn't change a thing).

The Bumbleby reunion feels kinda weird, I was expecting a bit more than a tackle-hug, but it's sweet overall and I at least dislike it less than the rest of the episode. I took a screenshot here for the sake of making a stupid meme but I don't like this show enough to post it anymore.

Would be real nice to know how Yang got from where she started to where she is now and I think we’ll see some of that, but given how rushed the reunion feels, I’m not confident.

Love the way Yang thinks she’s dead and is still ready to throw hands, really shows us who she is and that she can’t be broken. Truly the Woman Of All Time.

Would be interesting to explore the ramifications of this but I honestly doubt we will.

Weiss is still the one most visibly affected by the battle on Rainbow Road, I like the way this has been very consistently a point of emotional turmoil for her over the course of this episode. Would love to see that continue throughout the rest of the Volume.

Ruby's fainting is interesting. It's nice to see her have an actual emotional response now and just kind of shut down. I've seen debate about whether her team cared for her properly. Some people say that the team did what they should have and put her in the recovery position, but I think they're missing the point a bit. Even assuming I trust the writers to know what should be done for someone who faints (which I don't), that isn't knowledge the general audience can reasonably be assumed to have, so they needed to find a more obvious way to convey that WBY were concerned about Ruby and took steps to make her safe and comfortable. Either have a scene somewhere earlier in the show (maybe back at Beacon, or somewhere in Volume 7) where the team learns first aid or convey the fact that they're taking care of Ruby more effectively.

Notably, it’s Yang who’s right next to her and who shows concern - she immediately asks if Ruby's all right once Ruby starts speaking. Bad sister tho amirite?

Doesn't really help that they start discussing the situation before Ruby wakes up. I can see why people say WBY don't care about her or her input here, but I think this is just clunky pacing more than anything. The fact that the conversation continues while Ruby’s asleep means we don’t see how anyone else reacts to Penny’s death or the events in the liminal zone, which is kind of annoying. This is starting to feel like another "only one character gets to react to things" event like we had with Pyrrha's death almost exclusively affecting Jaune.

Still hate Penny’s death but it seems the narrative wants us to believe that Penny made the right choice and there was no better option.

Like how Blake takes charge, this is a huge bit of development for her, though I worry that seeing Blake essentially usurp her role is going to hurt Ruby when she's already fragile. NGL when I saw that sunbeam hit Blake I thought they'd fucked up the lighting lol.

Blake saying she thinks we’re in a fairy tale would hit better if the Ever After wasn’t based on an Earth fairy tale and also if we knew more about Remnant’s fairy tales. Yes, the spinoff thing exists, but I don’t want to have to do fucking homework to understand a fundamental aspect of the show.

(I've actually heard that this fairy tale isn't even in the fucking spinoff, which means it got introduced last Volume with like 1 fucking conversation that told us nothing useful. This isn't setup, MKEK. Build this element into the story properly if you want to use it, especially if this Volume was supposedly "planned from the beginning" or whatever the fuck.)

OP is mediocre by RWBY standards which means it's decent but not particularly good by other standards. Say what you will about this series, but the music always slaps.

Overall this episode kind of sucks and in fact made me not want to watch the rest of the Volume until I got fed up with seeing spoilers I had no context for on my dash. This is the first time I can remember that I've watched a RWBY season premiere and not wanted more. That's how bad it was. Can't believe we waited two years for this.

Overall rating: ASS/10

[nuclearforest]

Hello phrend. 😎 2deep4me writer asks:

What's the fic you're most proud of?

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

15. How do you think your writing has improved over time?

Thank u for the ask!! Makes me very happy and lets me ramble abt stuff!

1, Honestly hard to say. Like, I'm proud of One Dog Night because it was the first thing I ever posted and like, really snowballed me into doing more and putting myself out there more. But on the other hand, Month to Love a Werewolf is the first multi-chapter piece I finished! And now Sirens' Guard Dog is on the way. I think those are my big three-- but as far as picking one goes?

It's really hard to say. I can't pick my favorite child lol.

13, Depends on if it is anon online or IRL.

Online? hell yeah i'm proud of being fully unhinged for my blorbo. almost at 350k in 2 years and like. ~300k of that is hans. my really sad sack awful blorbo who i love with all my little heart. stinky, stupid wolfman with a flair for the dramatic.

But IRL? I am a professional with a career you wouldn't catch me dead bringing up writing or fanfic in public. like, my folks asked me once over a holiday why I was on my laptop and what i was writing and i immediately had to bullshit that it was some stupid literary analysis to keep my skills sharp when, uh, it was really werewolf smut. very, very close to being busted but they aren't curious enough to press and i'm a fool not a coward.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION is when i am around those friends that are my enablers and don't care lmao. They think it's funny and it's on brand. Alternatively it's just one facet of the strange little gremlin they've let into their lives. I mean well--promise.

14, yeah. like, healthy or not i'm always out here comparing myself in both good ways and bad. some for learning new styles and tricks and broadening my horizons, but some for like. competitive purposes. and there's nothing to be competitive about but i've been in competitive schooling all my life and for a kid who grew up with little self confidence feeding on the praise of being "gifted" it really sticks with you. so there are many a conscious reminder that it's all for fun. that i shouldn't stress and that it's for me, even if some of that is a lie (i mean, come on--sometimes i'll write shit to brighten somebody's day but generally it's whatever catches my fancy).

but like, old habits die hard and i'm hungry for kudos and comments lmao. usually it doesn't get bad but if it does, i just bury my head in a different crafty pile of sand.

15, I HAVE A TIMELINE. we'll summarize it as exponential improvement and development tho lol.

nobody here will see the shit i wrote in middle school. we're talking paper journal self insert fic that i wrote chapters and chapters of (granted these were like, 100-ish words a chapter). talk about humble beginnings.

move to highschool and i have some fanfic and also a bit of OC work that I share in my school's creative writing club (bruh I STILL wasn't sharing fanfic).

in college I didn't write much. too busy under an engineering course load but i have a few things here and there. mostly fun little snippets of fluff to keep myself occupied.

but that said, now that i'm working and trying to live my best life, i've definitely gotten better in coherent plotlines, length, and fleshing out the details. i still have all the old stuff (even the paper journals, somewhere) and a decade+ later it's meteoric improvement lol. when i wrote One Dog Night that was the longest single story I'd written by a mile. and now i'm on a long chapter work i've updated weekly since i started it following an outline. i'm boggling my own mind.

but that said: i've always been creative and colorful, have not always been able to actually finish a story. funny enough, i've also never had a formal, regular beta and something tells me that won't change soon. (altho sometimes I do ask for a second set of eyes-- so thanks to y'all that have done it for me!)

can't wait to see how i keep growing!