#i really love being trans but i just wish i could be respected at least by my family lmao it's not that hard

[mc-tummy-blur]

AND ANOTHER THING it's obvious Ballisters questioning/judgemental statements of Nimonas shape-shifting abilities is suppose to mirror how in real life people who fall under the transgender/nonbinary umbrellas are constantly questioned and judged about their gender identity/sex like can you be normal for a second i think it would be easier if you were a girl because he cant comprehend how she can constantly changes how she presents herself and one of his firsts questions is asking her how she is able to shape-shift in the first place being under the impression that she was cursed in some way so Nimona begins to tell him a story that leads him to think he is going to get a answer that satisfies and in turn the audience thinks they are going to get that too because honestly now a days when it comes to unanswered questions/mysteries in media there's a loud group of people that get all mad that their questions weren't answered or were answered but not in the way that they wanted but much to Ballisters disappointment as well as probably an amount of the audience that wants to be spoonfed information her story is just basically it's none of your damn business how and why I am able to shape-shift which is the exact reasoning that I and many people people who are trans/nonbinary/ whatever use because really it isn't anyone's business how we present ourselves or how we transition it's something that you have to respect and of course as the story goes on Ballister begins to respect/accept Nimonas shape-shifting abilities which hopefully at this point the audience does too and while this in itself is a lovely progression and message to take away about queer people and queer acceptance the main reason why I am bringing this up first was to talk about a detail that I needed a minute to realize it was there when it cuts to Nimonas traumatic flashback to the past with Gloreth 1000 years ago we see that Nimona has been shape-shifting for that long so to me at least it's heavily implied/ that Nimonas shape-shifting abilities have just always been there and that she was born with them because we as the audience don't get an origin story for how she got the shape-shifting abilities and in a typical story fashion people are expecting to get in a flashback/exposition to explain why something is like that so if the movie wanted to confirm that she got her powers from a curse or a wish or what have you that flashback wouldve been the perfect time to explain it but they didn't and so it's very likely that the general audience can only draw the conclusion that she was born with them considering she's had them for 1000 years and that is just such an important thing for queer people in general because it's not some type of curse that we are gay or trans nothing has happened to us that changed who we were we were just born that way and figured it out at some point during our lives like how Nimona was born that way and probably realized what she could shape-shift into as she got older and its just it's so I have never felt more seen with a movie why the fuck isn't it in more theatres Netflix please you'll make more money releasing it to a wider range of theatres instead of a few select ones COME ON

[gabessquishytum]

I know literally nobody will relate because I've never met anyone who did but... (Trans) Hob who hates receiving oral sex. He just hates it. It's awkward, somehow doesn't feel good no matter how skilled his partner is, the only saving grace is when the person finally adds fingers to the mix. He loves giving oral, so it's not about "I don't want you to do this to me so I don't have to do it to you". He just doesn't want any tongue down there.

When he and Dream finally start sleeping together, he becomes the master of distraction. If it's looking like Dream might go down on him, he quickly finds a way to distract him away from that. But one day, Dream plans to only eat Hob out until he cums multiple times. You know, since Hob had blown him amazingly so many times and he has yet to repay the favour and show off his mind-blowing skills.

Hob has two options. Either he fakes it, or they talk like two adults and he says that he doesn't like it. But these two, talking? Yeah, right. Because Dream obviously must really want this and he'd be disappointed if Hob said no, so Hob will simply grit his teeth and try to enjoy it. Meanwhile, Dream absolutely notices how nervous Hob is. He assumes Hob is self-conscious about something small like his natural scent or how wet he gets. But when Dream finally gets his mouth down there, Hob makes the fakest porn moan and Dream is like o.O da fuq?

Now, we can add even more stupid into the mix and Dream thinks Hob is faking because he doesn't believe that Dream knows how to make him feel good. But I think there has been enough stupid and the two should just talk, and Hob finally tells Dream that he doesn't enjoy this particular activity and maybe Dream could suck his tits and finger him instead?

Anon, thank you so much for sharing this!! I'm quite sure that you're not the only one who experiences this. Preferences during sex are a deeply personal thing and you should never feel weird about what you like or don't like.

Hob really really likes giving oral sex, whatever the gender of his partner. Its something he's good at, that gives him pleasure, and it's something that he's been able to rely on when he's needed to disguise his transness. No need to get undressed if he's going down on someone!

So he feels guilty! Because what if Dream really enjoys giving oral? What if Hob is holding him back from taking his pleasure? He couldn't bear to do that, surely it would be better to... suffer through it, or whatever? To make Dream happy?

These kind of fucked up thoughts obviously show on his face and Dream knows that something is up. He can see Hob overthinking and spiralling. He at least has enough maturity to call time out on the sex - he would rather die than do something to Hob while he's obviously not enjoying himself, Dream is nothing if not a respectful partner. He just wishes that Hob would communicate with him (yes, he's aware of the irony) instead of saying "I'm fine!" And suggesting that they continue.

Dream really has to dig deep, to get the truth out of his lover. Hob doesn't want to admit this weakness, this boundary. He doesn't want to have boundaries with Dream! He wants to give every part of himself...... (when he's says this, Dream points out that Hob isn't being very giving now, is he? Checkmate).

Once he has the truth, Dream is somewhat relieved but mostly he just wants to convey that he doesn't want to do things that Hob won't like! That's literally a turn off for him! He will keep saying it until Hob understands!!!

And then they cuddle a lot and have tea and Hob’s battered, people-pleasing heart gets a little bit healed.

[gaygryffindorgal]

a psa regarding the upcoming release of hogwarts legacy:

disclaimer: the following is not targeted towards anyone in particular

this has been said a billion times and i’m getting kind of tired of saying this: no, buying and playing the game does not immediately make you a bad person or a transphobe.

however, if you do buy the game, you’re not being an ally to trans people. being an ally requires giving up things you don’t want to give up. it’s recognizing that your entertainment is not more important than the dignity and rights of trans people and the dignity and rights of jewish people, since the story seems to lean heavily on antisemitic tropes.

i really don’t want to hear your justification for why you buy or play the game, that’s your business. but if people don’t feel comfortable engaging with your content anymore, or have an opinion to share that makes you uncomfortable, then i want you all to know, from the bottom of my heart, it’s not trans or jewish people tearing this community apart.

i say this all as a non-binary person who is obviously still creating content for hphl era (and the hp universe at large, but that’s a whole other conversation). i got into hphl not really knowing any of the game’s context. i should’ve looked into the background more, but i saw people creating ocs for late 1800s and i ate that shit up.

i chose to be a part of this fandom. i chose not to drop harry potter once i realised what kind of person jkr is. that was my choice and everyone is entitled to make their own. but choosing to support this particular game, even after everything that has come out about it, is going to affect this small corner of the hp fandom that we have all created together. there’s nothing to be done about that.

however you feel about this issue, i don’t condone hate or harassment. there are discussions to be had here but i really, really hope we can have them in a respectful manner.

i love my hphl era ocs, and i’m not going anywhere. i might start using a different tag for my legacy-adjacent content though, since my story lines really have nothing to do with the game anyway.

i wanted to play this game so badly. i wanted it to be good. but i’m not buying it, even if the story line ends up not being as antisemitic as the trailers made it out to be (doubtful, but hey, it could happen). i strongly encourage engaging in some good, old-fashioned piracy if you want to try it out.

please watch this video, or at least the part about legacy itself (starts at around 2 hours and 13 minutes), if you have the time:

undefined

“i know many people say and feel like ‘well capitalism makes us all complicit in one way or another. why bother fighting this fight? why not buy this game if it makes me happy? rowling’s gonna rowling anyway, regardless of what i do.’ and it creates a cognitive dissonance in people. they realise jk rowling is causing harm but they don’t wish to feel like a bad person if they want to play the game. they want to be made to feel okay.”

“but what discourse like this does is try to comfort those who want to buy the game, to make them feel like they’re still good people if they support a system that causes harm, because they can’t fight it anyways. yet it ignores that you do actually have power. it tries to make you forget that you don’t have an obligation to buy the game. you don’t have to give it your attention.”

to reiterate: i don’t think everyone who buys and/or plays this game is a terrible person, but i do disagree with those saying that buying the game is a non-issue.

finally, there are so many good games out there that don’t support a terf or subscribe to antisemitic tropes!!! i know you all fellow gamers have loads of unplayed games on your devices or libraries just waiting for you to play them. maybe try those out instead. 

[xenonsdoodles]

felix h. fraldarius

FELIX!

    First impression:

Swordguy!

I’ve been informed by multiple independent sources that I am going to like him and I don’t get a choice, so like, let's see how that turns out

Asshole (affectionate?) (maybe?)

    Impression now:

OUGH he’s a mess and I love him a lot. His personality reminds me of my horse and I think he’d hate to hear that but I mean it as a compliment (specifically that he’s a loyal, intelligent, determined and extremely trustworthy friend who is no less a rude and stubborn little bastard man for it). I frequently wish I could hug him even though I do not think he would let me, realistically. Half the time when I start talking about him I make myself sad but that’s just how it is with bitches from Faerghus :)

    Favorite moment:

I think it’s funny that almost every time he actually tries to be nice (or at least not openly rude) to someone for the first time, the person he’s talking to is like “what do you mean. you bastard. you evil little man. what ulterior motives do you have.” Annette, Bernie, Lysithea, it keeps happening.

Alternatively, the time in my og run when I had him solo the Fraldarius soldiers in that one training mission while everyone else just followed him around cheering him on the whole time. I like to think he knew a lot of those guys and it was very satisfying to beat some of them.

    Idea for a story:

Same one I mentioned in the ask about Dimitri. dies

    Unpopular opinion:

 I could pick him up I bet. idk I don't know what counts as unpopular

    Favorite relationship:

Ok I feel obvious saying Sylvain but they really are very extremely. I’ve gotten two of their endings so far. One of them made me die (positive) and the other made me die (dead). I’m also, maybe predictably, compelled by whatever the hell his situation is with Dimitri (side note, in my first run I kept putting them on stable duty as the Get Along Or Else activity and they kept getting perfect results and he complained every time, which. yeah). I love his Sword Bros friendship with Byleth. And I did not expect it, but his A support with Dedue was one of my favorites in the route… him being all “you shouldn’t risk your life because strategically etc etc etc” and Dedue like “love you too” lmao get read idiot

    Favorite headcanon:

I sometimes forget he isn’t canonically a trans man. Relatedly, I think that Glenn helped him pick his name not long before he died—Felix chose it himself, of course, that was important to him, but Glenn gave him suggestions and talked through it with him while he was working on it. I also think Rodrigue wants to accept him as his son, but Felix has a pretty clear mental image of the kind of man he thinks his father would respect and he Does Not Want To Be That. And sometimes when he looks in the mirror he looks more like Glenn than he did the last time. And it’s a mess. :)

it's him .

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Season 2 Wishlist

I've been creating a wishlist for what I want to see in Loki season 2, which premieres October 6.... [pause for long-suffering sigh because I’m so tired] I’m very annoyed that it’s not coming out until October (if it’s genuinely because of the strike(s), I’m not annoyed with the writers/actors but with the studios for not meeting demands so we can move on with our lives, but I’m pretty damn sure the strike is a scapegoat). I’m not surprised they keep moving it back, because they also kept pushing back season one! (I wish this format was audio so you could hear my indignation, haha.) But I wish it was still coming out in the summer like it was supposed to. Anyway, let’s jump into it. (Fair warning, a little bit of ranting incoming.)

First things first, Lokius: This ship has grown on me. I was resisting for a very long time, and I think it took until about episode four or five before I was like, “Okay, fine, you can date Owen Wilson.” And then I was all on board, and at this point I’ve written I think three Lokius fics on AO3 (link in the blog description). So, yeah. @ MCU, if you need some ideas, agree to the writers’ and actors’ demands and then hire me. I’m a lot of things but I’m not a scab. Okay, anyway. 

Genderfluid Loki: I’m genderfluid myself, and the “representation” included in the show was nonexistent. First of all, fluid is not a sex. Sex is assigned to you at birth, on Earth, and it corresponds to your genitalia. You are usually assigned male or female. There may be some places now where you can get Intersex put onto your birth certificate, if that qualifies, but until very recently, most intersex babies ended up undergoing surgery to change their bodies to fit better with one sex assignment or the other. Therefore, fluid cannot be considered a sex, at least in terms of on Earth. Perhaps it could be on other planets, but the people watching this show (as Twitter has been so helpfully pointing out recently) are on Earth, so no, wrong, Loki’s genderfluidity is gender-based not sex-based. I don’t know why they didn’t just put gender on the file, they should have. And that was the only time they included it, and I think that they put it there (aside from being like “ooh look at us we’re so progressive!”) as foreshadowing that Sylvie was going to be a girl. Which is bullshit, because that’s not what genderfluid means, either! Genderfluid means that you, yourself, change genders. And we never, in the show or the MCU in general, see Loki explicitly present or identify himself as anything other than a man. And furthermore, Sylvie isn’t genderfluid either, because she never states that she’s anything other than a woman. Nor do either of them ever request people refer to them using any other pronouns. On top of that, Sylvie is a trans woman, you cannot convince me otherwise, and you will pry that conviction out of my cold, dead, genderfluid hands. (I’m very incensed about this entire thing, I apologize. This is why I inserted the read more and the warning above.) So I’d like to see more of genderfluid Loki (not Sylvie; she’s made it clear that she is a (trans) woman, and I’m respecting that she’s got one gender). I don’t necessarily need to see him shapeshift into a woman, like into a different actor or Tom Hiddleston in make-up or something, because as much as I would love to shapeshift, I can’t, and I don’t think he needs to shapeshift to be his most authentic, genderfluid self (because then what does that say about irl genderfluid people? rant for another time, though, sorry). So I just want a little more justice to be paid to that, and maybe let him change up his pronouns sometimes. All right, moving on, before I get really worked up. 

Verity: I love Loki: Agent of Asgard. Al Ewing is my favorite comic writer for this reason (and not because he’s also bi; I just found that out 24 hours ago). Agent of Asgard is, in my opinion, the best version of Loki ever to hit the comics. It is the best version of genderfluid Loki, the best version of redemption arc Loki, the best version of Loki as a character in general. And his best friend is Verity Willis, ace icon Verity Willis. (I don’t make the rules, she’s ace; have you seen her character design? Have you heard her say that she’s not interested in romance? She’s ace!) I want her, some how, some way, in Loki. This is a little bit more of a stretch, because I don’t know how she can be put in, so this is a little bit more of a pipe-dream of a wish. But I want. her. in. Loki. So bad. 

Theo Bell: I also really like Mackenzi Lee’s Loki: Where Mischief Lies. (It’s a great book; you should definitely read it if you haven’t.) In it, Theo is Loki’s love interest-slash-coworkerish-slash-partner in crime. This story is set in Victorian England. Theo Bell is gay and walks with a cane. It’s been awhile since I read it so I may be taking this theory from a fanfic I wrote, but I’m pretty sure it’s canon that he became disabled as a result of a homophobic attack. (So trigger warning for that, but if it’s canon it’s only mentioned) He’s a great character; he’s funny, he’s snarky, he doesn’t put up with any of Loki’s shit, and he can also (and this might also be me adding to the character but I’m pretty sure I’m right) see through Loki’s lies pretty quickly at some points. So I would really like to see Theo in the MCU. I also have some theories about Theo versus Mobius (shameless plug for one of my fics, Choose Me, which utilizes my theory about them), so I would like for Theo to show up in the way that proves my theory right.

Agent of Asgard Loki: At the very least, I just really want that coat, that coat is so cool. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google Loki: Agent of Asgard. The coat that he wears throughout the comic is kick-ass.) I want that coat somewhere in the show, I do not care who’s wearing it. That being said, I really want Agent of Asgard Loki to make an appearance in the MCU at some point. Somehow. I already have some theories about where I think we can go with AoA Loki in the MCU (which I’ll probably post about later). Like I said, I really love that version of Loki, I really love that comic arc, and I want him somehow paid tribute to somewhere in the show. Actually, though, I did just reread the entire comic run, and I noticed that towards the end in the final climax of his redemption arc, there’s a lot of similarities between that and the last couple episodes of season one. So they already seem to be drawing on AoA, so maybe they won’t be able to include the actual characterization of Loki from AoA. But it’s still on my list.

Let Loki do more magic, goddammit!: He does very little magic in season one. Although he’s not able to do magic in the TVA (which was very annoying for the fic I was trying to write the other day), but as far as I can tell, he only does magic like four or five times in the rest of the show. Classic Loki literally says (and I looked up the exact quote because I’m a NERD, can you tell?) “Blades are worthless in the face of a Loki’s sorcery.” And then Loki proceeds to do NO MAGIC for most of the show! So I want him to do more magic, especially shapeshifting. And at one point I think he mentions that he likes doing his duplicity thing, so I think he should do more of that, too. (Which I think based on the only trailer-like thing we’ve gotten so far, it seems like he’s going to do. And maybe I’m stealing this from that trailer, but I think it would be really funny if he did the duplicity thing and then Mobius automatically knows which one is the real Loki, which is hilarious, because Thor doesn’t usually know.)

Give my girl Sylvie a girlfriend: While I do like the idea of her with B-15, I feel like the reason why we’re shipping her with B-15 for the most part is because there are basically no other girls in this show. C-20 is dead, Renslayer is a dick, and we just really don’t want her to be with Loki (you saw my first entry on this list, you know where I stand). I’m counting Loki on this list since he’s genderfluid even though it’s not being portrayed very well. So her with B-15 is fine, I do kind of like it, but I don’t know enough about B-15, I don’t know enough about their relationship. I don’t think they even have enough of a relationship yet for me to really feel like I super ship it. But I just want somebody for her, preferably a girlfriend, because I think that’d be cute. I’m genderfluid, personally, but I’m available. ;-)

Thor: I! Want! Thor! I know we got Frog Thor, but I want actual Thor! I want Thor to give all of the Lokis a hug, in particular Kid Loki (and I have some theories about why he killed Thor, or why he said he killed Thor), Classic Loki, Sylvie, and also our regular Loki. Because I think they need a hug from their big brother (I know they were raised as twins, but I like saying he’s their big brother, I don’t care). 

Classic Loki in Valhalla: Pretty straight forward (and you can read After on AO3, because I wrote this). I need Classic Loki to see Thor and I need Classic Loki to be in Valhalla, because I think he deserves it. (If he’s actually dead.)

Mobius’s backstory: I want to know where Mobius came from; I want to know how he got to the TVA. I want to know if he had a jet ski or if my theory is correct (per Choose Me). 

Why Sylvie was taken by the TVA: There are some great theories about why Sylvie was taken by the TVA, one of which I subscribe to the most as of late (as included in Nothing Matters at the End of the World. I’m pretty sure this is my last plug on this post, I’m so sorry). But I am not convinced that she was taken in because she’s a girl. I think that’s transphobic and misogynistic and nonsense. And I say transphobic because Sylvie’s a transwoman, and I will not be taking criticism on this. I don’t care that that line “born the goddess of mischief” was probably meant to discourage trans headcanons, and I encourage the writers to respectfully get their heads out of their asses and consider that “born this way” is not just a Lady Gaga song (but the song is also relevant in this case). So I think it’s pretty damn transphobic to say that she isn’t allowed to exist because she’s a woman. And it’s misogynist and transmisogynist to claim that the rest of what the timeline demands of her cannot be accomplished if she isn’t a cis man or genderfluid or whatever a “right” Loki is. So I want to know why she was actually taken in. There are a lot of theories online about why she was arrested, and I like a lot of them. And on top of that, she doesn’t know! She told Loki that it’s because she’s a girl, but then when she gets in front of Renslayer, she’s like, “What was my nexus event?” Which implies that she does not actually know. And maybe it’s just bad writing or a plot hole, and that’s very possible. It’s the MCU, and writers make mistakes (I know I sure do, though I don’t have a team of people checking my work). But I’m choosing to go with she doesn’t actually know. She was like six years old, she was a kid, she assumed something. And why would you assume that, if you’re six? Unless you’ve been told something else your whole life. So there are two possibilities for why she assumed this. Either, yes, she’s a cis woman, and spent her entire life until that point being told-- presumably by Odin--that because she’s a girl she’s not gonna rule. Which would suck, but checks out for Odin, because he’s a dick. Or she spent most of her life being told she’s a boy and having to tell everybody that she’s a girl. And even if she isn’t faced with any transphobia on Asgard (as Where Mischief Lies would have us believe), that’s hard for a six year old, and when she’s told that she’s in trouble for doing nothing, she’s gonna make some assumptions, and maybe she landed on that. But I don’t think she actually knows why and I want to know why. And I think she deserves to know why.

Reunite Sylvie with Thor: I either want Sylvie to reunite with her Thor or be sibling-adopted by Loki’s Thor (bonus points if Loki gets jealous and Thor has to be like “Give me a break. I love you, too, idiot.”). I want Sylvie to somehow get her brother back, whether it’s the one she lost or the Thor we know. I think she needs somebody, and I think Thor is a great person for that. Because I think Thor will immediately be like “You’re great. I love you. You’re wonderful, just because you’re my sister, and you’re the best.” Even after just meeting her, because Thor is such a wonderful little golden retriever puppy, and also, he loves Loki so much. And he continues to, even after everything that happened in the MCU! And that’s lovely, and I think Sylvie deserves someone like that.

And finally, I need Loki, somehow, in some way, to be able to lift Mjolnir by the end of season 2: I think he’s moving, very swiftly, towards being worthy of lifting Mjolnir, and I want him to be able to do that. I think that will show him, personally, that he is better and has changed. And I think he needs that physical validation and confirmation that he’s changed. I think that people (Mobius) can tell him until they’re blue in the face that he’s a good person, that he can be good, and that he can do what’s right and be a hero, but until he can lift Mjolnir (the way his brother can, because he’s been told by everyone his whole life that his brother is the best), I don’t think that he’ll believe that he is worthy of anything. And I want Thor and Mobius to see it, and I want them to lose their goddamn minds. Because I certainly will. 

[variousqueerthings]

Colonel Potter has the most trans man vibes though

1. constantly tells stories about his past that you’re never quite sure which of is true and which isn’t 

2. including stories about joining up at fifteen. The late great Dr Barry would constantly change the age of his birth, at one point making it seem like he’d started studying medicine at, I believe, the age of ten!

3. of course this would also have the added benefit of him at the time explaining why he presumably looked so youthful and didn’t shave (Potter is always perfectly shaven too I think, which is good army etiquette and a good way of passing)

4. short king!

5. has the vibes of someone who’s really living his masculinity -- where, say, Radar (whom one also reads as a trans guy on occasion/there’s at least one excellent fic about it) is somewhat insecure in his masculinity, especially in things like height and has a lot of jokes pointed at him targeting those insecurities, nobody in their right mind would ever challenge Potter on things like height, or being quite emotionally open, etc. Call this older trans guy is way past giving a shit and younger trans guy is worried about getting clocked

6. idk, something about his relationship with Mildred feels so right: stories about trans people who were never clocked by their partners or who started out with partners who fully knew and supported them or were t4t the whole time..... all of these could be great! (either they adopted their kid, which there are personal stories of trans people doing in the past when such things were less recorded, or in the last one Potter could also have given birth...)

7. but mainly just this idea of a story in which someone has genuinely loved someone for so many years, but who’s put his life into this space (the army) in which many a trans man has been able to create his masculinity/new identity, and so he’s struggling with the idea of letting that go, what does that mean to him as a man who became a man in this space? what kind of man will he be outside of that space?

8. something as well about the romantic attitude of the cavalry, and choosing to become a doctor -- I mean here I think about the old fashioned masculinity of the former, and Dr Barry again in the latter. becoming a man through one of the limited routes afforded in which you may have been able to pass (at the time when he joined the army/cavalry) and then choosing to be a man who heals. it’s just... neat

9. also not to compare him again to Dr Barry (but also yes) but Barry was famously anti-authoritarian and honest in his viewpoints to the point that when he was young he got into a great deal of trouble, because it was considered from the perspective of him making trouble for trouble’s sake (this feels tbh very Hawkeye) but when he got older people often described him as a curmudgeon who cared too much about things and would go on and on about them, and would be able to dismiss him far easier, which is kind of a saddening thing to know, but with Potter that very gruff honesty pays off and is respected and something other men wish to emulate, and I just like that

10. all of this also ties into his working class upbringing and rising through the ranks as an enlisted man, rather than coming from a place of privilege from the get go. the idea of earning masculinity, again (again again again) invoking Barry’s attitudes around how much he had earned his position 

11. generally this just feels like the happier James Barry story, in which Potter is supported in older age and can retire without being penniless and suddenly with barely any friends left (his old friends, yes, but Potter gains a bunch of new ones at the 4077) and on his own terms

[strikersexhaver]

Alright, I’ll bite. How about both sfw and nsfw headcannons for Striker dating a trans masc AFAB with autism and ADHD, and who often struggles with anxiety, gender dysphoria and sometimes dissociation? (If it helps to know, I often cope through stimming with rubbing soft/smooth textures and with pressure stims such as hugs/squeezes and weighted blankets). Make it as long or as short you need to, anything that you can come up with for Striker dealing with/reacting to these things I’d be interested in reading. (For the sake of my own comfort though, say I have top surgery, refer to the naughty bits as a cock/dick, and only use he/him pronouns for the reader) I hope this isn’t too much to ask!

Also…god damn I am addicted to this man’s voice and I wish he could just vibrate my entire body with his rumbles and snake sounds gkdnfkdndn

To be fair… Me too, me too 😭😭… I love his voice, both voices are amazing to me. And also sure, I can do this! I have autism so I can put some firsthand experience in here as well !! Plus, my brother is trans, I used to take care of him during his transition.

CW for NSFW under the ‘read more’ cut!

Personally, Striker didn’t think or care much about you being trans.

Don’t get him wrong- he supports and loves you but he doesn’t really care about gender. He mostly sees you for you, and your strength-

He does respect the courage of coming out, or being bold with it since-

In Hell there’s more than a just a little amount of assholes lurking around.

He’ll be right by your side if you ever wanted him to fight for you or deal with dipshits.

Back on track though, he would help you in transitioning if you asked- via HRT shots, helping you afford the surgeries required to make you feel comfortable in your own body.

When he sees how you looked like when everything healed, he’ll say you’re sexier than ever.

(If you were an imp, he’d help paint your horns to be the more thick black and white lines like other men imp, if you wanted that of course)

Now as for relating to things like autism and ADHD, you’d have to explain a lot to him. Because I highly doubt Hell has a good educational system about mental health.

He enjoys hearing you talk, about this or fixations little or larger ones like hyper-fixations. He likes your voice, regardless of how it may be.

(Also- if you stopped wanting to take HRT for a while and you had a voice drop, he’d be mad confused)

But for other things such as flooding, he’d try to calm you down in the best way he could without stimulating you further.

As for meltdowns, he doesn’t know how to deal with them. He really does not, so he gives you space. At least on the first time, if it bothered you and you came to him on what to do when it happened again, he’d listen.

He’s not going to be the best, but he’s never gonna lay a hand on you during this state.

Speaking of, if you had certain sensory issues with touch- he’d be mindful to check to see if you’re up for physical contact.

He will mess up, sometimes forgetting entirely, but that’s only after a long day of killing and shooting.

He’d learn how to not just tap your shoulder for your attention, like waving a hand in front of you or tapping the table you were sitting at or anything really.

If you had certain tastes in exact textures or clothes that’d make you more comfortable, he’d try getting a few to make you feel better- same for weighted blankets once he learns of them.

He’s not afraid to steal for you if you needed it-

As for sound related issues, if for example you had an issue with metal scraping metal. He’d take you to a different area. If it was from him, he’d take it somewhere else where you cannot hear.

To be honest, if you brought it up saying you wished you had something to shut things out or turn out the noise.

He’d absolutely- 100% get you noise cancelling headphones, if they were expensive- fuck it, he’ll steal it- he’s not above murder so why would he be above stealing? He lives to see that joyful smile on your face- even if it’s for a brief second before you return to your resting face.

He knows you loved it, it boosts his ego and gives him a serotonin boost.

As for anxiety, if it was social anxiety and you didn’t like speaking up to others- this mf will do it for you, he has no problem, he loves talking.

Now to NSFW, Striker he still loves talking- not as much, but if you’re into it you’ll be hearing a lot of praise.

He’ll give masculine nicknames like ‘Good boy~’ if you were into that, if not he’ll stop.

But knowing firstly knowing his voice, you don’t and probably won’t tell him to stop.

Also- speaking of stopping, previously going to back to boundaries. He’d ask you firmly what you did not want him to do or not, gender-related or not.

He’ll experiment with you, trying to see if you’d prefer being a top or a bottom. Because some people prefer having roles that suit / fit their gender identity.

(A/N at least from my perspective, some people do! Not everyone ofc)

(Striker will always try to be the dom though- regardless-)

(A/N) Hope it was good! Please let me know how it is, I’m always open to critique and sorry the NSFW part was so short I simply couldn’t think of much! I’m not trans (depending on how you see nb people DJSNHA) well- ftm, but if I did or said anything wrong or wrote anything wrong let me know!

Also, requests are open!

[transformerswoc]

ROTB and Black Women's Rep

I know there is a lot of negative talk/critique about the women in ROTB, but I wanted to just share as a black genderfluid person, how liberating at least it has been to me to see actual black women portrayed well in a live action tf movie. I understand to a lot of people, the antiblackness that was always a common staple in live actions transformers history, didn’t impact them but it impacted me. And it’s lack of black women, yet making black women (and people) caricatures at any chance they got, was also really upsetting to me. And the way women in the bay films were treated in general was bad.

Rotb was important to me as a black woman fan because for once, we got to see a whole female cast dominated by black women which is rare, if not unheard of for transformers live action media. And they were all given respectful narratives, not made into caricatures and given a chance to shine. A lot of people have made comments about how rotb’s portrayal of women was awful, or how women were failed, and I understand that perspective. I also do not think that by any means, ROTB was perfect in its portrayal of women.

What I do believe however, is that tf live action portrayals of women have come a long way since the bay films. But for people who are not black women, they may not understand nor care about the importance of for once, seeing black women and culture taken seriously on the big screen. The black female characters, in my opinion, were written well. They were given nuance, a respectful narrative and weren’t jokes, caricatures or canon fodder. Elena, the first black live action human, was a breath of fresh air away from what we were used to. She wasn’t white, shy wasn’t super skinny and she didn’t exist as a sex object or a point of romance. She was smart, she also showed us a very real example of microaggressions and racism black women need to face in the work place. Yet, that wasn’t made into a joke, and she was taken seriously by alien life forms when her white female boss ignored her.

And that’s  just something refreshing. We have a black human woman allowed to be flawed, and also allowed to have her subtle experiences of racism taken seriously without being demeaned for it, but we also see how she is integral to the plot, and how her presence was needed in order for the plot to move forward.

I wish we got more Arcee- but I love that she was humanized rather than just made into a joke or a sexual object. She was shown to be extremely intelligent, skilled, understanding, and she was a good fighter and more importantly she wasn’t a caricature. Her being a black woman didn’t dicate how the audience saw her or how she was written. She was written with so much respect and was over all and interesting character.

I could say the same about nightbird. Because not only was she a formindable villain, but she was played by a transfem afro Latina actress, one of my favorite actresses actually, who brought her to life and that was just refreshing to see. again, in media where black trans fems are usually made into cariactures or jokes, I love that nightbird was taken seriously as a villain and a black female character.

My point is that, just because there are issues with the writing of female characters, doesn’t mean you need to discount the actual importance of Black women in the show. I think a lot of people, who are not Black women, and who don’t actually think of or care about Black women’s issues, are quick to not consider how maybe looking at ROTB’s women intersectionally may add more avenues to the conversation of women’s representation. While I don’t think that the film was flawless in its portrayal of women, I think it’s a huge step up and I do think that in the future, things will get better. But for now, as a black fan and a black woman, I absolutely loved seeing and hearing women that looked and sounded like me on screen.

Now, again this doesn't mean that you can't critique the portrayal of women in ROTB, because I have a lot of issues with some portrayals, especially Airazor and even more so, I wish Arcee got more screen time. But at the same time, if you are critiquing the majority Black women, make sure you actually open your space for Black women to give their opinions on things without getting offended. Especially if you are white or non-black yourself.

As always, if you enjoy my blog, consider following my twitter and sharing this post there

[sixty-silver-wishes]

Thoughts on the Barbie movie

So I finally saw the Barbie movie! I was excited to watch it for a long time, and overall, I really liked it, although I wouldn't consider it quite perfect. Here are some thoughts upon first viewing-

First, what I liked. The set design, cinematography, and costuming were incredible; it was so fun and refreshing to see practical effects and the sort of artistry that went into this film. The characters were mostly likeable (put a pin in that), and the comedy definitely landed; I was laughing out loud multiple times, and the fourth-wall breaks were a ton of fun. While I've heard different people say different things about the feminist (or at least attempted feminist) messaging and how effective it was, I really liked the point that women didn't have to be extraordinary to be fulfilled or respected. It didn't shy away from topics like aging, emotions, or bodily changes, and I loved how older women were also uplifted in this film, as well as the messaging that patriarchy is damaging to both men and women. And I really appreciated that Barbie and Ken didn't end up together; as an ace person, that representation was really nice to see. Michael Cera as Allan was adorable, and I loved Kate McKinnon as "Weird Barbie." It was nice to see a diverse cast, and in today's climate, after the barrage of hate towards trans people in politics and society, seeing "Doctor Barbie," played by Hari Nef- a trans woman- being called "beautiful" in a big-budget mainstream film was honestly heartwarming. I was definitely crying a bit towards the end, and I'm hoping to watch the movie again sometime.

As for what I didn't like, most of it comes down to the character of Sasha. She was exasperating every time she was on screen, and was written in a grating "how do you do, fellow Gen Z's" way I couldn't stand. While it's true that activism and social justice are obviously components of Gen Z culture, Sasha felt like a caricature of this in the worst possible way. Her calling a Barbie doll "fascist" for setting "unrealistic standards for women" was especially eye-rolling, considering that actual fascism is on the rise both in the United States and around the world, and it felt belittling to the concerns that young people have been vocal about in recent years. For a character representing the "real world," she felt incredibly unrealistic and one-dimensional. However, I did like Gloria's character, and the relationship between her and Barbie.

For a film sponsored by Mattel, I wasn't expecting much in terms of anti-capitalist critique, and while it was sort of there on a surface level, I feel like the film could have gone more into how the concepts of patriarchy and capitalism intersect. They touched on it a little with the Mattel CEO claiming to care about girls and women but only because they were his target market, but I felt more could have been done there.

Some people have been saying the film focused too much on Ken, but I personally didn't mind his arc; it was mainly about how patriarchy harmed men, while Barbie's was about how it harmed women. While I feel like the Kens deserved consequences (conse-Ken-ces?) for trying to overthrow the government and enslave the Barbies, I guess you could also argue that the battle amongst themselves counted as such, as the film displayed that patriarchy is a self-destructive construct. I felt like the Barbies being brainwashed represented internalized misogyny (the "tradwife" movement came to mind), and while Gloria's speech was good and all, I would have also liked to see that concept deconstructed further.

Overall, I'd give the Barbie movie a 9 out of 10. Beautiful visuals, interesting thematic points, and a lot of fun, but I just wish it could have dug a bit deeper.

[thecoolertails]

Round one of Tumblr’s Next Top Cringe Trans Legend is live! Vote for your favorite, or least favorite, swagless (or totally swaggy, but cringey purely by association) non-canonically but definitely completely transgender character out of the best 32 candidates I could think of!

> Voting for round one closes at 12:00 AM EST 10/7/22 <

A couple of disclaimers:

- Characters being included on this list doesn’t mean that I like or dislike them, or that I think they’re a bad or good character. Same with the respective works that they’re from. This is just a silly thing for fun so the definition of “cringe trans legend” is a little loosey-goosey. Some of these characters I love with my whole heart and others make me want to die. Use whatever criteria you wish when it comes to voting lol

- There are way more guys than girls on this list because women are queens and usually when girls are “cringe” it actually makes them way cooler so picking girls that actually fit the poll was really hard alkjdflkjasl

- Related to the above, at the end of the poll there’s a section where you can tell me characters that you think should’ve been included. If this goes well I could do a round 2, and if that happens I will definitely be looking for suggestions

also I hate saying this lol but reblogging would really be appreciated! Not necessary or anything but the more people who participate, the more fun this is, and I don’t have a lot of followers alskdjkjs

[tiredjams]

More T4T Alenoah since people actually seemed to like the last one! :3

Okay so when I said Alejandro had been pretty sure Noah was also trans from the beginning I mean apart from just ; ✨vibes✨, this happened on the way to Japan ;

Noah desperately hiding behind his teammates to avoid Harold and more of their plane facts (Harold thinks they’re friends. Noah does not.) and he’s like ; “THANKGOD they’re gone. Harold’s actually so fucking annoying I will literally kill myself if I have to so much as breathe the same air as them again.” And then Izzy was like ; “oh haha yeah no that guys actually so weird and ! I’m like- so surprised he hasn’t gotten thrown out of the plane yet!”

And then Noah just looks at her super weird and is like ; “Izzy, Harold actually made a twitter post last month saying they prefer they/them pronouns and are more comfortable with androgynous language, at least when we’re not filming, or when talking to the producers” (Harold is non binary and definitely writes think pieces on gender and why we need to break free from these concepts I DARE YOU TO FIGHT ME ON THIS IM PREPARED)

And Izzy is just like ; “oh haha okay theyre so quirky! Anyways like I said; you literally hate them, im surprised they haven’t gotten thrown out of the plane already lol”

And then Noah immediately went back to talking shit (while using Harold’s correct pronouns). And like when Tyler asked Noah’s just like ; “oh, no I don’t respect Harold remotely, I despise them and wish them misery and misfortune and if I never had to hear their voice again it would be too soon. …. But I’ll still respect their pronouns, duh.”

Alejandro was just in the corner like ; 😳. (When he’s a sarcastic know it all but understands disliking someone is no excuse to misgender them >>)

Also cause alenoah friendship REALLY started when they were leaving Egypt and Gwen made a bi joke (which Cody’s obnoxious bisexual ass ADORED btw) Sierra was like ; “oh haha I personally am ✨🥰cOdYsExuAl😚✨” and then Noah from the corner was just like ;

“More like embarrassing. And a lesbian suffering from comp het. But whatever, you’re not ready for THAT conversation.”

And when everyone else was frozen in shock you already KNOW Alejandro was stifling CACKLES. He was also the only reason Sierra didn’t beat Noah up for saying that (he used his big muscles as a shield Les gooo) and whispered to Noah so no one could hear ;

“They hated him, for he spoke the truth 😌” Noah choked.

And then they were friends! C’mon. We see them in the background talking and laughing with each other WAAAY too much for me to buy that they weren’t friendly.

Personally I’m convinced the reason we didn’t get more alenoah interaction was because they were talking a lot about trans solidarity and being obviously in love with eachother, and this queer phobic show just couldn’t handle that smh

(Yes I am insufferable about them thanks for asking!) okay so Noah was taking his testosterone pills one day after he dropped the singing comment and confirmed it, when Alejandro was just like ; oh yeah! I actually used to take the shots lol, switched to patches while on the show” and Noah was like ; “BRO WHY????”

Cause WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THAT??? (The answer is because Alejandro has issues) but anyways it lead to Noah bringing Heather into the argument so she could help him tell Alejandro ; ?!? No I don’t take my hormones through shots??! I’m waaaay too hot to suffer like that”

Anyways Alejandro and Noah totally just spent that first half of the season bonding over trans masc stuff.

Like Alejandro spent SO much time complaining about how his sweat used to smell like flowers, and how he definetly doesn’t miss the dysphoria but he does miss that.

Noah’s like ; yeah I actually kept some of my skirts because they’re waaaaay more comfortable than pants, but I don’t wear them outside cause then people wanna be queerphobic! Like yeah I’m a guy in a skirt, deal with it.

And they bonded over how they understand misogyny and rape culture in a way cis men really NEED to. And talk about all the male privledge they’ve noticed they’ve gotten (they got overheard and caused several debates on gender theory and politics between contestants that was pretty eye opening for some of them)

Anyways London happens and Alejandro has to get his trans homie eliminated cause he knows too much yeah yeah. So these two were still being petty and bitter, but this definitely happened after the wedding challenge ;

Alejandro and Courtney were debating about which dress had been the best, which then sparked a debate between all remaining contestants on masculinity and stuff:

And in the end Alejandro gets fed up; leaves, AND THEN COMES BACK IN THE V NECK WEDDING DRESS, looking hot AF (just look at slipper slopes fanart if you want a visual) and turns to Duncan, strokijg his soul patch and smirking like ; really chico? dresses make me any less of a man?? then why am i still far more one than YOU.

duncan contemplated on his actions and sexuality a lot that day. And then came away from the experience causing far less micro aggressions :3

And Noah totally saw because Chris definetly rehired him after his elimination (personally I believe he makes a point of firing Noah at least twice a week, it’s a thing at that point) and so he was helping the poor poor overworked (starved crazed desperate) interns in the editing room and was just like ;

Dammit you’re still a slimy eel who got me eliminated and I’m mad at you… but I would REALLY like to make out with you rn unfortunately , this sucks.

Oki! So I have more, and just more trans TD headcannons in general; but this is already a lot TwT lemme know if anyone else wants more.

[theconstellarium]

Life lessons for 2022

Just some things I've been thinking about lately - important things I've learned over the past year. Feel free to rb with your own additions and/or if any of this resonates with you!

For the first time in my life, I love hearing my name/when people call me by my name. I no longer balk at giving my name to a host at a restaurant or a barista to call out when my order's ready. Seriously if you don't like the name you were given by your parents, change it. You don't have to be trans or have any other "reason" besides just not liking it. It's so worth it.

Changing your pronouns is HARD, at least in the workplace - especially if you're changing to they/them after being presumed cis (and I imagine neos are even harder). You will likely get misgendered ALL the time, even by people you are out to. People you assumed would be your allies may not be - even if they act supportive when you first tell them. Having to have conversations about your pronouns all the time is soul-sucking & draining, & so much of your life suddenly becomes all about your gender. I'm not even remotely saying don't do it or to stay in the closet - just that society still has a LONG way to go & people adjust to name changes MUCH easier than adjusting to using they/them for someone they know.

It's not normal to wish your parents were "bad enough" that you could go no contact. If that thought resonates with you, this is your sign that they ARE "bad enough". You deserve peace, & there isn't some sort of threshold someone - even your family or origin - has to meet to "justify" you going no contact. Going no contact doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you insanely courageous & it makes you someone who respects their own need for peace & well being.

Grief teaches you who your true friends are. When you're going through really heavy shit, some people just disappear. If anyone really shows up for you in those times, hold onto them tight! Those people are rarer than they should be.

[cebwrites]

could i request sfw & nsfw headcanons for nami & zoro ( separately ) with a nonbinary s/o? :3

hi anon, thank you for your request! i tried my best to think of spicy scenarios for this but couldn't come up with much for zoro and any for nami,, i hope you enjoy the sfw headcanons and her drabble regardless tho!! ;w;

headcanons with a nonbinary s/o (Zoro and Nami)

gn reader, trans zoro, some sanami nakamaship word count: 1k

Zoro

Gender? Hardly knows 'er

All jokes aside, Zoro's reaction is relatively lukewarm when you work up the courage to tell him that you've got no biney, absolutely zero beanies, even

As far as he's concerned, you're still the same person he fell in love with and if this is something that makes you happy - so be it, even if he hasn't quite wrapped his head around it yet

Zoro doesn't need an in-depth understanding of gender theory and a degree in social psychology know that sometimes people evolve with the seasons, undergoing their own metamorphoses

Potential changes like names and pronouns, if you want to change them at all, are entirely cosmetic and an easy fix in exchange for your comfort

And as a trans man himself, he'll make sure everyone abides by those wishes, whether they 'respect' it or not

Once the two of you step over the hurdle of your boyfriend's remarkably underwhelming (but relieving) response, things slip back to a comfortable norm with relative ease - there's no 'coming out' to the crew, your nakama simply see how Zoro refers to you an adapt accordingly without fuss or fanfare

Zoro still runs you through the wringer during training sessions, you still worry about him and Sanji going too far on the ship when they spar (for Franky's sake if anything), and the both of you still collapse in an exhausted heap side by side after vigorous sets of whatever testosterone-fueled nonsense your boyfriend decides to call his monstrous regimen

Where intimacy is concerned, he’s patient and attentive, wholly willing to wait until you’ve figured everything out (or at least enough to be comfortable) before the two of you go back to your regular advances, if you were engaging in that with him before at all

He says your name, whatever you choose it to be, like a prayer, offering himself to the highest power in your presence, wanting nothing more than your pleasure and happiness - he’s a lot gentler than usual, you feel as though this is the first time you’ve seen him in this light

Zoro isn’t much for words during sex, but by god he’ll let you know that he’s feeling good, that you’re doing that to him, and he’s truly devoted to you with the noises he makes; if you try to cover his mouth up in case someone hears, all he’ll do is lick your hand and level you with a breathtaking dark smirk

Nami

Despite her cool demeanor, she's freaking out a little

Nami wants to be a supportive girlfriend to you, of course, but also has no idea where to start on things like these and reading can only get her so far

So she swallows her pride and turns to her nakama for help - as well meaning as they are, Luffy and Zoro are about as helpful as a needle in a haystack; their straightforward, “well, that’s just how it is now, isn’t it?” approach might make sense to some but Nami needs more to chew on than that

Robin and Franky have experience, but their explanations aren’t much less obtuse than the boys’, Nami doesn’t really want to know about bone or fish anatomy to ask Brook or Jinbei and the idea of talking about her love life to Chopper, despite being the ship’s doctor, leaves her a little queasy

That only leaves her with Usopp left to ask for advice, but surprisingly Sanji’s the one who steps up in this ‘predicament’ He doesn’t sing her high praises when he brings Nami her teatime snack under the mikan trees, Nami almost flusters at being caught staring at you from afar, watching you and the boys laugh over Zoro’s loosing hand some card game - completely unaware of the way she smiles at your profile. Sanji takes a seat at the table and asks Nami if there’s been anything troubling on her mind lately; before she can dodge the question, he begins talking about his time on Momoiro Island and, although difficult for him to take in at first, the things he ended up learning once he pulled that toxic masculine stick out of his ass. About people, about culture, about gender performance and presentation. The wince Nami tries to hide doesn’t escape his perception. Still, he lights another cigarette and faces away to blow smoke in the opposite direction of her food. Come to think of it, Sanji was the first to stop his gendered, ‘mellorine’ praises and twirling the moment you’d came out too. “I know it’s a bit confusing now, but it’ll get easier as you go along. They’re happier now, too, that’s what’s important, isn’t it?” Nami casts a longing glance to you on the deck, shoving Usopp with claims of ‘cheating’ as your bright smile pierces an arrow directly through her heart, not a care in the world aside from the games in front of you. Nami adores the love for the world you still possess, the ability to see a path through the darkness and, more importantly, the light in other people. She loves that about you, it’s what pulled her to you. She loves you. No difference in identity will change that now, she realizes. Nami gets up with a quiet, ‘thanks, Sanji-kun’ and makes her way over to you, snack in hand. It’s a little pudding cup, that she feeds a spoonful of to you once seated at your side. You giggle and ask her what’s the occasion, Nami says there is none but now you owe her for that little bite. You gasp, whining into her shoulder that it isn’t fair because she offered it to you in the first place. She pretends to be thoughtful for a second, but then says she could possibly let you off the hook this one time if you paid her back in kisses - including interest too, of course. The boys around you all start groaning about ‘mushiness’ during their totally very serious poker came, that Zoro absolutely didn’t have to stop Luffy from eating the chips for. Nami simply states that she’ll tax these complaints out of their allowance before they die down to muttered grumbles, your laugh ringing through the loudest over the Sunny as you snuggle comfortably against your cunning, beloved, cat burglar. 

[artificialqueens]

🏳️‍🌈 Your Best American Girl (Gia Gunn/Laganja Estranja) - Lita 

Summary: Life on the road is fucking lonely, and Laganja thinks it’s killing her. Gia is adrift in a foreign country, trying and failing to stake out a career. Friendship can be found in the unlikeliest of places - namely a high school gym in Delaware. Femme Fatale Wrestling AU. 

A/N: This is essentially the Pretty Dope origin story that I’ve been sitting on half-finished for months. This is set five or six years before the main story iirc, while Gia and Ganja are still working on the indie circuit before getting signed by Femme Fatale. I love these morons and put way too much thought into their respective backstories, and I wish they got less villain-coded airtime in the main story (which won’t be the case for much longer, I promise) so this was stupid fun to write. Re: the song from which I lifted the title and lyrics, Your Best American Girl by Mitski has always been Gia/Ganja crack to me - it was written from the POV of struggling to meet eurocentric beauty standards as a woman of colour trying to date white men, but I think it can also read as a trans narrative and the ‘all-American boy’ line really evokes angst and shit about FFW!Laganja for me, so it’s always really inspired me while writing the two of them. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! &lt;3

CW: Transphobia 

Your mother wouldn’t approve

Of how my mother raised me,

But I do, I think I do. 

**** 

There’s something a little disarming about wandering around in a high school after hours. The fluorescent lit hallway leading out of the gymnasium is overbearingly bright and creepily empty. Laganja makes slow, unsteady progress towards the door leading out to the parking lot; one of the wheels of her suitcase fell off while she was trying to get it out of her car earlier, and dragging it around lopsided was proving nothing short of a fucking nightmare.

The show had been far from bad, but she’d just hit her limit - at least it’s only five minutes’ drive to her hotel, maybe fifteen if she goes via McDonald’s like she’s planned. She has a pre-rolled joint in her backpack, and nowhere to be until eleven am the next morning. Then another hours-long drive to the next gig out in the back of beyond, to another shitty match in a shitty school gymnasium or community centre - rinse and repeat. She’d been living out of a suitcase for the better part of a month already, with another two weeks to go before she’d next see the inside of her apartment. She wasn’t at all mad at the payout, but it felt like a lot of work for money she was spending most of on gas and takeout. A little bit of her missed being a ‘real’ athlete - it wasn’t nearly this lonely. 

A lot of her missed it, actually. Back then, she’d had teammates to keep her company, and she didn’t have to pay for her own accommodation. Or travel. Or gear. These days, she’s never a standout - just a replaceable body at the bottom of a card, never in the same place more than once. No foundations, no friends. She misses being treated like she mattered. 

The scandal had died down since last year - she was finding it easier to get gigs, and could look at her social media without having a panic attack - but it didn’t make things much easier. She was just a little less radioactive than she had been after being kicked off the Olympic team. Rebuilding her life was taking time. 

Laganja rounds a corner, still fighting with her suitcase - a loud voice catches her off-guard and she stops dead; ducking behind a row of lockers. It’s a guy’s voice, brash and angry. She doesn’t really want to get herself involved in whatever the fuck this is. At least not until she’s figured out what’s going on. 

“What part of leave me the fuck alone don’t you understand?” 

“Babe, wait-“ A female voice this time; equally loud and a little abrasive, but with a distinct edge of fear that makes Laganja nervous.  

“I’m not your fucking babe- don’t touch me!”

Laganja hears the crash of a body slamming into metal, and winces - craning her neck to peer down the hall. The feminine voice belongs to that Japanese chick she’d worked a match with earlier that night - Gia something? She couldn’t work out at the time whether or not she liked her - she’d stiffed her a little in the ring, and had been pretty closed-off and hard to talk to backstage. Her lip is trembling, and there’s already black streaks of mascara running down her face. The guy has just shoved her into the lockers - pinning her in place with a hand roughly grasped around her shoulder. The other is raised like he’s about to punch her. Laganja’s stomach drops. 

“Look, can’t we figure this out?“ Gia’s voice is shaking.

“There’s nothing to figure out - I’m not a fucking homo, okay? So back the fuck off. I’m leaving.” 

“But my-“

“I don’t give a shit,” he snarls. “Stop following me around like a lost fucking puppy - we’re done.” 

“How the fuck am I gonna get home-“ 

“I don’t care! You fucking lied to me!”

Gia whimpers. Fuck this - Laganja steps out from where she’d been hiding; this feels like it’s about to get ugly, and she can’t just stand around and let that happen. She tries to say something, but the words get stuck in her throat, standing about ten feet away from them as her mouth opens and closes like a guppy, trying to string a sentence together with her fists clenched by her sides. 

Doesn’t matter - the guy sees her there, and his eyes widen. He practically sprints towards the door; shoving it open with his shoulder and letting it slam behind him. Gia crumples against the lockers. As soon as he’s out of eyeshot, Laganja drops her case, making straight for Gia. She’s sitting on the ground; hugging her knees and crying. Laganja crouches down at her side. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” 

She looks up, sniffing a little. She’s still wearing her ring gear, a black and red high-necked two-piece, with an oversized hoodie shrugged over the top.

“I’m fine,” she murmurs, avoiding eye contact with Laganja as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“Is he-“

“Fuck off,” Gia pulls away sharply from the hand that Laganja had placed on her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry - I don’t want to shove my nose into your business or anything, but like…hey, weren’t we in a match together earlier?” 

The brunette gives a nonplussed shrug; pulling out her phone from the pocket of her hoodie and wiping away her running mascara with  the aid of her front camera. Laganja fishes a travel pack of Kleenex out of her backpack and offers it to her. She takes it begrudgingly, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Laganja sits down on the floor next to her, crossing her legs and leaning against the locker. 

“You’re doing a really bad job at fucking off,” Gia observes. 

“I heard most of your conversation - I figured you don’t have a ride home, or anywhere to sleep tonight, and I’m not gonna leave you stranded out here in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. I’m waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass and realise that I’m trying to help you, okay?” 

The brunette cracks half a smile. 

“Bitch.”

“Takes one to know one,” Laganja smirks. “What’s your name?” 

“You seriously did not forget what my name is after an hour-“

“No, I mean your real one.” She gives a bemused laugh. Pro wrestling etiquette is a language she’s still trying to decipher - she’s not sure whether or not that’s something she should have asked, but the question is out there now. There’s probably a stupid made-up word for the question she’d been trying to ask. Shoot name? She thinks that’s maybe it. “Mine’s Lucy, by the way.” 

“It’s still Gia,” she replies, a little thorny. Then: “I’m gonna stick with calling you Laganja, though. That’s funnier.” 

“Thanks,” Ganja rolls her eyes. She turns to Gia, her face turning a little more serious. “So, what’s going on?” 

“With what?” Gia says, her tone half uncertain and half sharply defensive. 

“You know - that guy. Looked pretty bad from where I was standing.”

“Oh, Trey’s my boyfriend. Or well, I guess was. I…” she sighs, chewing over her words a little. “One of the- look, why the fuck am I telling you this?” 

“Because I wanna help,” Laganja replies simply. Gia purses her lips. 

“One of the guys backstage told him something about me that I wasn’t ready to tell him, and he got mad, okay? So it’s basically my fault.” 

“What the fuck could they have told him that made him that mad?” Laganja raises her eyebrows. “None of that was okay.” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Gia hugs her knees. 

“Listen - I just met you, and after tonight we’re probably never gonna see each other again. Who am I gonna tell? It’s just between us.” Gia doesn’t seem impressed. Laganja offers a hand out to her. “Pinkie swear.”

Gia looks a little wary, hushing her voice and ignoring the childish proffered hand. “I…I’m transgender. I was like, born a guy. It’s not something I wanna make a big deal of, it’s just that-“

Laganja has to hold in a laugh, realising that now might not be the right time. 

“Seriously? Bitch, me too!” 

Gia looks taken aback. 

“Shut up,” she says, shrinking away from Laganja. Fuck. She thinks she’s mocking her. 

“I’m not kidding - honest to god.” Gia eases up a little. “And by the way, wether you told him or not, that doesn’t give him the right to treat you like that.”

Gia doesn’t say anything. 

“I mean it - I’ve dealt with my share of this shit, and there’s no excuse for it. What he said to you was fucking wrong, period. Doesn’t matter how upset he is.” 

“I was gonna tell him - I just didn’t think he’d react like that. Plus like, he was gonna find out eventually.” Gia laughs a little grimly. “I told him I was saving myself for marriage, and I don’t think I was gonna be able to like, keep that up for much longer.” 

Laganja gives a tight-lipped smile, slightly uncomfortable. Not with Gia, with the situation. She hadn’t even attempted dating since she’d come out, and this was exactly why. Too scared of what people would think - or say, or do. After seeing the full, horrendous extent of the first ‘big’ reaction to her transition, it didn’t bear thinking about. Didn’t exactly help that her parents, who she’d been outed to in the midst of the whole scandal, had barely said a word to her since, and her teammates had thrown her to the wolves. 

“Well, he’s a loser who doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Laganja eventually says. She stands up, walking back down the hall to grab her broken suitcase, before returning to Gia and holding a hand out to her. Gia looks perplexed. 

“What are you-?”

“C’mon - I need dinner, and I’m not leaving you here.” 

****

“You want any more?” 

Laganja holds the joint out to Gia - sitting in the passenger seat of her car. The brunette shakes her head, a hint of a laugh in her voice. 

“Nah - I’m good.” 

“You sure?” Laganja takes another drag; trying to talk while holding in smoke. 

“Totally sure - I…you got me really fucking high,” Gia giggles, leaning against the door of the car. She aims a handful of fries for her mouth and misses - dropping most of them into her shirt. 

“I think you needed it, honey,” Laganja smiles, watching Gia trying to pick fries off of her chest with her tongue, like a lizard. She’s loosened up a hell of a lot, Laganja thinks as she flicks ash into the empty Coke can on her dashboard. 

“Yeah,” Gia says airily. “Y’know, you’re the first person I’ve met who’s like, like me. And you’re really fucking cool. I like you.” 

“You’re just saying that because I bought you food and let you smoke my weed.”

“Nah - seriously,” Gia insists - rambling a little, her eyes overly-moist and tinged pink. “I’ve never met another trans girl - I knew that I was one, but you’re like….you’re the first. It’s like we’re fucking unicorns or some shit.” 

Ganja smiles. 

“So, what the fuck is your story, Gia?” 

“What?” Gia giggles, still fighting with her fries. 

“How did you wind up stuck out here, with him? You’re too fucking good in the ring to be working in a high school gym in fucking Delaware.”

“I started training when I was like, eleven,” Gia says, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. Laganja notices her slack jaw, and tries to pick it up off the floor before Gia sees it too. “It’s like, normal in Japan. Both my parents are wrestlers, it was sort of always gonna be my thing.”

“But what are you doing here?”

“It’s part of the training system - we call it a ‘learning excursion’. You get sent to the US for like, a year before you debut on TV back home, learn to speak better English and work different styles or whatever. So I came over when I was nineteen. Then while I was here, I figured out my whole…” she gestures awkwardly at herself. “This, and now I don’t think I can go back home. Well, I could - but I ditched training, so I think my parents will want to kill me, and also I have tits now - I don’t know how they’ll feel about that but I don’t think I want to. So for the last three years, I’ve just been taking whatever shitty gigs I can get, lying to my parents about getting signed to WWE developmental so they think I’m too busy to talk to them, and trying to like…I don’t know. Live.” 

“God.” Laganja grimaces, sucking down the last few puffs that the joint has to offer. 

“Your turn - what’s your damage, Miss Laganja?” 

Laganja squirms a little. She glances into the backseat at the Team USA backpack that she still uses. It feels a little bit like stolen valour. 

“Kinda similar. Not as cool. I was an amateur wrestler - and I was fucking good at it. Like, Olympics good. I was meant to go to London in 2012, but I’d already started hormones and obviously that got flagged up in my drug tests, so I got disqualified and then the news went apeshit about it because it got misreported and people thought I wanted to compete for the women’s team. So I sort of just went and lived under a rock for a year until the shitshow died down, and then started doing this. I’m still pretty new to it.”

“You are really good,” Gia says, kind of aloof like she doesn’t want to be caught giving Ganja real praise. 

“Thanks.” Laganja’s cheeks flush pink. 

“Also that’s fucked up. What happened to you, I mean.” Gia pulls a face. 

“Yeah, but I don’t know what I thought was going to happen. At least this way I can actually be myself.” Laganja shrugs. “And nobody seems to care - real sports it’s all ‘biological advantage’ this, ‘biological advantage’ that, but this is all staged, so nobody gives a shit. And the outfits are better.” She gives a laugh, watching the evening sky shift from deep orange to star-scattered blue through the dirty windshield. “I never wanna see a fucking singlet again.” 

“Tell me about it,” Gia giggles. “It’s like, a whole thing with the Young Lions - the rookie wrestlers back home - that you don’t get to have a distinct look until you graduate. Just black trunks and a shitty haircut.” Gia pulls out her phone, flicking at warp speed through her camera roll and then zooming in on a group picture. She turns the phone to Laganja - it’s filled with the image of a depressed-looking teenage boy with a buzz cut, standing shirtless and shoulder-to-shoulder with a group of similarly uniform but presumably less miserable kids. Laganja’s eyes widen. 

“No fucking way is that you!” She gasps. “That’s insane - you look so different.”

“Thanks, it took a lot of work.” Gia half-laughs. 

“Seriously - you’re like…so much hotter now. It’s not even funny. Your stupid boyfriend doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“Shut up - you’re hot.” Gia smiles, her head lolling back. She puts a hand on Laganja’s thigh. Laganja’s skin tingles. 

“And you’re high.” 

“Am not.” Gia flops sideways, her head resting on Laganja’s shoulder. “I’m glad I met you, Ganj. You’re really nice. And really pretty.” 

Laganja blushes again. She doesn’t think anyone has ever called her ‘pretty’ before. She tries to keep her eyes fixed in front of her, like she’s driving, but Gia’s hand is cupping her cheek now - soft fingers brushing against her sweat-misted skin, gazing up at her with hazy brown eyes. When Laganja looks down, Gia inches closer to her - hesitantly pressing their weed-dry lips together. Laganja doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she also doesn’t try to stop her. 

The brunette parts Laganja’s lips with an exploratory tongue, and Laganja - no idea what she’s thinking, no intention of questioning it - lets her, closing her eyes and deepening the kiss, one hand leaving the steering wheel to cup the back of Gia’s head. Gia murmurs softly, and then she pulls away before Laganja has really figured out what’s going on. Once her touch is gone, she kind of misses it. 

Gia is laughing again, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“Sorry. I don’t know what the fuck that was. Guess I am high.” 

“It’s okay. I liked it,” Laganja admits hesitantly. Gia reaches a hand out for hers, clasping them together. “What now? Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?”

“Fuck no,” Gia pulls a face. “And I don’t have anything booked for…” she pauses to think, counting on her fingers. “Fucking ages. I was just tagging along with Trey since most promotions don’t bother booking a women’s match until the last second, but now he’s gone.”

“You can tag along with me,”  Laganja offers. “I’m crashing here tonight and then I’ve got a show in Pittsburgh tomorrow - come along for the ride, I can try and get you on the card.” 

“Sure - if you’re sure.” Gia looks hesitant. 

“Positive. I kinda miss having company. And you’re really cute.”

“No, you.” Gia smiles drowsily. Pulling Laganja closer by the hand she’s holding, Gia tries sloppily to initiate another kiss, and this time Laganja doesn’t hesitate. 

For the first time in months, she doesn’t feel quite so alone. 

****

You’re an all-American boy,

I guess I couldn’t help trying to be

Your best American girl.

Pride Challenge Points: 5331

[aho-dapa]

Chaol!

ae-neon look away until you've finished crown of midnight and heir of fire

favorite things about them

his loyalty, and how it shapes his character, and what he ultimately sacrifices in the face of that loyalty

least favorite thing about them

he can be an asshole, but hey, that's human, and he actually tries to be aware of it

favorite line

"I love you."

brOTP

Chaol and Nehemia, they'd be such good friends

I think they would connect over their ability to recognize their responsibilities in this world, with Nehemia as a princess and Chaol as a captain of the guard

They each deeply respect the duties of their station in life and there's something so admirable in that. While Nehemia and Celaena are very similar, I do think that Nehemia found Celaena's desire to run away as irresponsible and maybe even abhorrent, and to someone who had the future of a kingdom on her shoulders, Nehemia probably also might have wished she didn't have such a burden

The difference, tho, is that I think Nehemia, even if she was given the chance, wouldn't even consider it

That's where she and Chaol are similar, and I think that loyalty to a cause or a person or a kingdom is a trait that they would respect each other for since it's ultimately a rare one

which is why sjm didn't let chaol get close to nehemia because he never would have let her be unaware of the possible danger if they were friends

OTP

Aedion/Chaol/Dorian definitely

There's just sooo much here

Like, even just the dynamic Aedion has with Dorian??? and how Aedion and Chaol can relate to each other on a personal level of how they are loyal to their respective king and queen

Aedion has such enemies and rivals tension with both Dorian and Chaol, and Chaol and Dorian are so childhood friends to lovers

I do think that Aedion and Chaol would get together first in this throuple because Dorian represents more than a person to both: with him being an enemy to Aedion and a king to Chaol

I do think that Aedion would soften up to Dorian around EoS canon wise

i could go on and on, but i don't wanna spoil my fic yet

random headcanon

trans Chaol!!!!!

I love the idea of trans Chaol

I really can't talk about this without spoiling everything

unpopular opinion

Chaol is held back by sjm in literally every way

the moment she decided that she didn't want Chaol in the picture she did him the same as she did Tamlin

I just don't understand how someone who's the captain of the guard, someone who has showed us his cautious nature and intelligence wouldn't find the whole situation with Nehemia to be off

and tbh, he was right, the KOA didn't plot Nehemia's death, it was someone else entirely

song i associate with them

the canon chaol song is this (for tower of dawn, which I haven’t even read yet)

and my trans chaol anthem are these two

favorite picture of them

I honestly don't have one. Another reason to learn how to draw.

[feekins]

kind of wishful thinking, but if somehow there ends up being a trans* character or two in Trigun Stampede...I REALLY hope they're handled a bit better than they were in the manga 😅

I mean, yeah, Elendira is kickass and I love her to pieces. what I don't love is how her transness gets used as a punchline multiple times. granted, this could illustrate the presence of transphobia within the society in which the story of Trigun takes place, or perhaps it's indicative of IRL Japanese attitudes regarding transness at the time the manga was written (mid-90's to late 2000's). the thing is, other transwomen in the manga (I can think of at least 1 other) get similar treatment: no matter how they dress, no matter whether or not their pronouns are respected, they are still set apart from other women. they're both verbally and visually outed, which. isn't great. they aren't targeted by transphobic violence, but they're consistently "othered".

and considering (a) advances in queer rights and recognition and issues over the past 2 decades, and (b) how far in the future the story of Trigun takes place.....I dunno, I just think it would be really swell if that trans* representation got an update, as well (assuming there ends up being any) 🥲

[[DISCLAIMER: this isn't me saying the Trigun/Trigun Maximum manga is "bad" or needs to be "cancelled" - I just want to call attention to a trend I noticed, and I think it's something worth discussing]]

EDIT: ...actually, thinking about it more, I was probably iffy about the "othering" bc I'm looking at it as A Queer+Trans* Person In The Year 2022. bc in the manga, we ARE treated like people? and not targeted for our transness? and the "dude looks like a lady" bit I pick up on once or twice could alternatively, easily be like...that's just what it's like in this fictional society? trans* people exist - we just might not be super-visible everywhere, and some of us might stick out more than others.

still, it's interesting to me that what canonically trans* characters are there in the manga all fall under "effeminate presentation + body shapes more closely associated with masculinity".

(PS: pardon any outdated or problematic wording - I'm not as active in online queer spaces as I once was 😅 )