#i say if bc she ABANDONED me for emails today

[ghoulbats]

What if I proposed to u before you got remarried

if she plans on remarrying me then i think a duel between you and jess would be in order to see who gets my hand in marriage, a fight to the first blood with your weapon of choice, perhaps?

[candlewitches]

cannot sleep mostly because of pain but also bc i am still full of rage at the former (and now current again LMAO) execs of my former larp. like literally. “i can excuse (alleged) mismanagement, fraud, and embezzlement, but i draw the line at a sternly worded announcement”

[nathank77]

7/8/24

7:18 p.m-I want to cry, not cause I opened up majorly to her but bc apparently the whole mental health field sees me as a lost cause. I just don't get it. Mike works, I have ocd and psychosis, I'm on disability bc I can't work he can confirm the truth and I guess I don't need to have more than him and Erin until she doesn't have the time for me bc she is looking for a job.

-All I can say is if it isn't 8 p.m today, I'm absolutely done looking for therapists. She will be the last person to abandon me in a therapeutic capacity that is.

I'll stay with Mike forever and just meet with Erin until she doesn't have time anymore.

I'm done retraumatizing myself opening up to new therapists just to have them either send me the it's not a good fit email or to straight up hodini it.

I just don't get it. Yea i have psychosis. Yes I had a negligent therapist who I reported. I can communicate effectively. I've seen like 500 other therapists I have not reported. I mean is it that I bring up Kristen?

I don't get it. She had me write a list of my strengths for homework.

My top strength is:

1) getting abandoned by therapists in 1-30 business days.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

found out today baby daddy has really moved away to another state and having bittersweet feelings about it

a few weeks ago received an email from N asking if A wants any of his stuff as N is moving. and for A to call him

A called him and cut the convo short and said he did not want his stuff, also some disrespectful stuff.

a week later D of N's Grandma texted to say she still wants to have A in her life and N is moving to washington ( which he mentioned wanting to go there before)

i texted her today to confirm if he is really leaving, using birth certificate as an excuse for inquiring. idk why i needed and excuse just still feel like I'm walking on egg shells with these people.

D said he has moved and that wife needed to be there by the 1st. it's day 8 of the month and I'm just like wow

part of me never thought I would be free of the nightmare that is being his child's mother and the emotional rollercoaster N puts me through periodically, and using A as part of his method to make my life hell

and a part of me is like, i'm sorry your son doesnt want anything to do with u and i hope one day they will be able to make up.

but also im so happy he's gone and like on his own will?

before it was planning on how the hellish outcome will be that A will come stay with me full time when he's 18 and how N will come here starting shit and being a tyrant bc he's not getting his way or feeling like his son is abandoning him

[hufflautia]

3. rant. just do it

OOP 

Oh my god my dad came home today to celebrate CHinese New Year with us all and I'm kinda nervous because something usually bad happens when he's home. FOR EXAMPLE, last time he was home, i looked through his phone--i know i shouldn't have but I'm too curious for my own good and also i wanted to check something, and what i found was exactly what i was looking for and IT WAS NOT GOOD TO SAY THE LEAST. i found apicture of his probably-daughter, and i had looked through his phone bc when he came home about two months ago, he sat next to me and opened his phone and i caught a glimpse of a picture of a little girl as his wallpaper and it was quick but i got it and i asked who that was and he didn't respond but i already had a gut feeling and that feeling just intensified because he said he needed the bathroom and when he came back, the wallpaper changed back to something basic. it was worse bc he never puts family pictures as his wallpaper, its always a normal basic iPhone wallpaper but he puts HER as the wallpaper??? and I've never even seen her before, but she looks small and young and about 5 years old. i went into a sad 5-day spiral in which i just felt numb but u know what, it be like that sometimes when u have a cheating dirtbag as a dad. anyways when he last came home, he left his phone open in the living room which he never ever frickin does, but i guess he is letting his guard down now bc almost everyone knows that he's cheating but i guess no one cares enough anymore because my mom doesn't rlly care so its not the biggest issue ever even tho it sucks. anyways he did that and i looked at his camera roll and found the original picture, and the only good thing that came out of that was my sister was also there and i showed it to her. the first time i saw that girl was the wallpaper event thing, and i was alone and i was the only person who saw it and it felt like a huge burden because i was alone in it. even tho i told my sister, she didn't know what i saw, and when i asked if i should tell mom, she told me it was up to me and that made me even more sad. at least now my sister has seen it too and it lessens the burden and honestly i don't rlly think about it anymore bc when u go through so much shit, it all becomes one thing and you get used to it after a while. anyways now he's home and I'm weary and even if nothing bad happens, he's gonna leave bc ofc he's gonna leave and sometimes it hurts to see him leave. it rlly depends on how long he's staying. usually its 1-3 days but occasionally he will stay for a week and that's even worse because i get attached and I'm actually happy bc then my mom isn't yelling anymore and everyone's kinda happy but then he just leaves and it feels like being abandoned for the first time again, which is always the worst hit. a part of me is like “ditch him when u grow up bc then u don't have to take anymore of his shit again” but its so complicated bc he's my dad and he's actually a good dad, just a bad husband. i know he cares about us very very much and so I'm split in half. i dont think i will ever forget what he did, it will always be in the back of my head but i think i might keep him in my life bc hes still my dad but I'm just gonna think “wow look at u now are u happy with what you’ve done with ur life?”. BUT U KNOW WHAT LETS TALK ABOUT MY MOM BC THE SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. i might do the same with her in the sense that i wont shut her out of my life bc shes not that bad and they're still my parents. its just...... she makes me so uncomfortable like a few days ago she called me to her room and help her with an email thing and while i was looking at it she touched my wet hair and i said don't touch my hair bc i don't like ppl touching my hair when its wet AND GET THIS: she said “U don't let me touch anything.” IS THAT NOT CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUKC OH MY GOD WHAT DO U MEAN BY ANYTHING?? U MEAN MY BODY LIKE MY CHEST LIKE WHAT U USED TO TOUCH?........ so i responded with “but u still do it anyways” and she said “yea because you’re gonna leave to college soon so i wont be able to touch you”. does she not sound like a creepy ass person yall like what the actual HECK. i am gonna frickin camp at college all day long and rarely come back BECAUSe she does that, like please just respect my boundaries mother and then maybe i wont act so weary around u. 

[bittersweetmelxdy]

Could i get some victor x reader where their playing with their daughter. Thanks your amazing

I tried real hard to finish this as it’s father’s Day today, so I hope you like this :).

Also bc my last victor request broke a few hearts @lilith-sp, @reyna-diangelo, I hope this heals your hearts a little XD

Title: taking your tinyhands in minePairing: Victor x MCWords: 1279

A mere 8 months ago Victorwas usually awoken at the sound of his alarm blaring at 6:30, now he woke up tohis baby daughter screaming for her breakfast, and watching his wife tumble outof bed to go soothe her, and today was just the same, the only difference was todayhe also had a day off, so he at least help her out this morning. While his wifewent to get their child, he walked downstairs into the kitchen and started toprepare breakfast. Popping the bread in the toaster, switching on the coffeemachine, and warming up the baby bottle, Victor made himself busy in thekitchen only pausing when his wife came into view holding their little bundleof joy in her arms.

Their precious daughter, Melody,had her father’s hair colour (and his nose his wife would swear), but she hadinherited her mother’s big bright eyes, that also captivated him in the sameway his wife’s did. He watched fondly as his wife walking around the roombouncing Melody lightly, her eyes looking around the room curiously trying toidentify the sources of all the noises she could hear. When her eyes landed onhim, Victor smiled and waved at her, Melody in return to her father’s greetingbeat her tiny fist against her mother’s back smiling and making garbled noisesat him, causing his wife to turn to look at him over his shoulder.

“Oh, hey Victor. She wakeyou?”

“Only the dead could sleepthrough her cries, she gets her volume from you, you know?” he walked up to hiswife and they shared a sweet morning kiss as he wrapped his hands around bothhis wife and daughter.

Sitting at the table, theyate breakfast, well he ate while his daughter sat in her highchair and bangedon her tray table.

“Breakfast is on the way songbird.”His wife sing-songed from the fridge, as she pulled out some strawberries andsome pureed beetroot, she had made the night before, on her way back she alsoswiped the baby bottle from the counter.

As she sat in front oftheir daughter and placed a piece of strawberry on the tray table, she turnedto look at him.

“Hey, what do you want todo today?” she asked.

“I’ve been busy these lastfew days, so let’s just stay in today. Melody’s just thrown her food by theway.” Victor pointed at their daughter was pointing at her strawberry on thefloor while looking at her mother pouting.

“What do you me-“ shelooked at what her daughter was pointing at “Uh, oh! Melody, I can’t give ittoo you baby, look here’s another one, let’s leave the one on the floor forthis one, yeah, another one better than the other one, just for Melody.” Hewatched bemusedly as his wife negotiated with their daughter to abandon thestrawberry on the floor, in return for another piece of strawberry.

His wife let out a noiseof annoyance as she turned back to face him “She gets that from you.”

Victor raised an eyebrow,“What do you mean?”

“Don’t look at me likethat, you are so the same way.” She said before turning back to help herdaughter finally finish her breakfast.

As his wife got up to washthe baby containers, 20 minutes later, Victor replaced her in front of theirdaughter and looked down at Melody. She had finished her breakfast but she hadmanaged to get beetroot and strawberry juice all over her hands and face, andVictor couldn’t help his heart swelling with affection at seeing her chubbycheeks red with food as she blinked owlishly up at him.

“Did you eat your breakfastor wear it, dummy?” Victor said softly wiping at her cheeks tenderly with herbib, as she squirmed in her seat.

“Oh my gosh Victor don’ttease her!” his wife said swooping Melody up to her arms, and placing a kiss onher cheek, causing the girl to squeal in delight, “Melody is Daddy bullying you?Don’t worry Mummy will protect you.”  Victorsnorted in disbelief, and his daughter made the same noise immediately after.

“Victor!” his wife criedin shock as he laughed loudly.

The three of them sat downon the sofa in the living room, to watch a movie, well his wife would watch themovie while he answered some emails. When they started dating, he admitted tohis wife he’d only seen one Disney movie (The Lion King), and she had vowed to makesure he saw all of them, all of them. He wouldn’t admit it to her face,but he enjoyed the time they spent watching the movies together (read: he likedto watch her watch the movies, he couldn’t honestly tell you one thing thathappened in any of the movies they had “seen” together), so the fact theycontinued this tradition with their daughter warmed his heart. Around halfwaythrough ‘The Little Mermaid’, Victor felt a faint knock against his tablet,lowering it he looked to his left to see his daughter trying to climb into hislap. He looked up to see his wife had fallen asleep, Hmph, she must be moretired than I realised, thinking that he should probably give her a break heopened his arms and let Melody crawl into his lap. She settled down facing histablet and looked up at him, smiling a gummy smile at him.

“Are you going to help meanswer my emails?” He said softly to her.

Melody tapped an email onthe tablet to open it, and made various baby noises at her father as if to say “Thisis what you should say Daddy.”. Victor made various noises of agreement,playing along with his daughter while reading the email himself. However actuallyanswering the email proved to be a challenge for Victor, the virtual keyboardon the tablet was very interesting to his daughter, who whenever her fathertried to type something, pushed his hand away voicing her disagreement, whileusing her tiny hands to type nonsense into the reply. Victor read back hisemail reply that now read “Thank you for your email, I wil tkse fjdhfeo hhhhipev;awejl” and huffed out a laugh. Knowing that answering another emailwould be impossible, he took off his glasses and put them and his tablet to theside, Melody following his movements with her head, and then splayed his handsout palm facing up in front of his daughter. Melody, completely forgettingabout the tablet, now contented herself with banging her hand on Victor’s palm,singing to herself to her own made up song. Victor leant down and placed a kisson top her head, causing Melody to cover her head with her hands and spin aroundto stare at her father. Victor picked her up and turned her around, so she wasnow facing him, with a frown of her face.

“What are you going to bemad at me? You’re too small to be angry, you pout just like your mother, and I’lltell you a secret it just makes you look adorable.” Victor took her tiny handsin his and placed kisses all over her face, causing Melody to giggle at her father’ssilliness, before pausing to yawn.

“Ah, that was a big yawn,I think someone needs a nap.” Victor said soothingly laying Melody on his chestand rubbing circles on her back.

Soon Melody fell asleep toher father’s heartbeat, and Victor carefully, without waking his wife, pulled thelove of his life to rest on his shoulder cuddling into his side, and he leanthis head against the back of his sofa with a soft smile on his face. He turnedhis head to look at his wife and pressed a kiss on the top of her head andwhispered:

“Thank you, for giving me afamily.”

[qurlyposts]

to all the seniors in the tcc

heyo mayo, i know that this is a really shitty time for everyone around the world right now and its extra stressful bc we’re so out of control of the whole situation and that makes our human selves really freaking uneasy. but it’s also really important to acknowledge that we’re all experiencing this in different ways, some people more intensely than others of course, but people invalidating how you are impacted by this is heartless and hypocritical. as someone who graduated high school last year, i can’t even begin to fathom the immense disappointment you are all feeling right now. as fucking ridiculous this sounds right now, please remember that everything happens for a reason. i know it seems ludicrous to think anything about your current situation is meant to be but allow this time at home to reflect on the amazing memories you have made. these moments are little time pockets you will carry with you forever. it sucks ass that it was cut short but just remind yourself that without yesterday, today wouldn’t be possible. if you haven’t already, maybe start journaling as a way to release all the emotion that’s building up right now. being able to go back and relive even some of the smallest memories you jotted down a few months from now, some of which you maybe will forget about by the time you read, i promise will put the biggest smile on your face. or honestly ugly cry it out for however long you need and then find a way to gradually decrease the extra chatter in your head. i like doing any kind of arts and crafts. go for a run if you can. go on youtube and look up some yoga classes (i like yoga with adriene) or at-home workouts or just some videos you know help get your mind off of the real world for a bit. reconnect with nature or old hobbies you abandoned all those years ago. the world is your oyster now more than ever. you have the time and space to get to know yourself better, without the distractions. i know that getting over someone as meaningful as our tc’s are to us is no walk in the park. it’s been almost a year since i saw mine. but time heals those wounds better than anything man. trust me. me a year ago had convinced herself that she could not live or breathe without him. but here i am and i’m doing fine. giving yourself that time to let yourself be sad is important to get to a place where you feel content with the memory of them. as these next couple of months come around, understand that you aren’t alone in this and that space from them will bring you closer to yourself. all that being said, pls don’t feel like you saying you miss your tc is you being or weak or some shit bc we know damn well that being deprived of our tc even for the weekend is too much for us lol. but seriously it’s natural to miss them, use the memory of them as a means to spark joy in your life rather than creating a negative aura around the thought of them because you’re trying to get over them or think about them less. use a happy interaction you remember as a way to put a smile on your face rather than getting upset because it seems so long ago. don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened:) and hey, if it’s a possibility, email them once in a while to check in and/or give an update on what’s happening with you, and on the even brighter side, in a couple of months you’ll be a student no more so maybeee you can ask to meet them for lunch, who knows, the world of self-discovery and ballsiness is endless. i know the emotions are heavy af right now and that it will take time to create a positive mentality but remind yourself that you can cultivate that joy with time because your mind is the garden and your thoughts are the seeds (don’t hate me it's my last corny quote) also please remember that you can always talk to me if any of you need to vent or just angry type it all out to someone new. love you all. it will get better. there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way out is through (i lied, sorry) 

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[pdabinch]

Emergency - SIGNAL BOOST! I NEED TO MOVE IN 2 WEEKS OR I WILL 90% BE HOMELESS

Hello. I don’t want to say my name on here because of privacy reasons but i used to frequent this website (outside of this discourse blog I have abandoned for like a year now)

This is gonna be kinda a long post BC I want to explain everything but if you want a TL;DR just scroll down. I hate the fact that I have to do something like this but. It is what it is.

I am an artist who works on commissions for a living. Because of my disabilities (I’m autistic and have memory gaps and others) I have a very hard time committing to a more conventional, “normal” job because of my social ineptitude, so until I can get into art school this is all I have.

But this recent year has been really taxing on me and my workflow has been greatly disrupted, because of personal reasons. Because of this I have moved into the property of my mom’s husband because it’s dirt cheap and obviously close to her. He hasn’t kept up with maintenance at this house and because of this the pipes burst or something, idk anything about plumbing but sewage has leaked into the house, even going into the carpet. Because of this the carpet need to be replaced (the whole area because you can’t just replace one area of carpet).

But that’s not why I need help. He’s trying to scam me into paying for the carpet and using my pets as leverage, claiming that they might ruin the new carpet once it’s in (they haven’t even so much as scratched the current one). He’s saying I have to either pay $2000 in 2 weeks, or I will be kicked out unless I get rid of my pets (which he knows won’t happen, I’ve literally had him since I was in intermediate school). My mom is not helping me, shes instead trying to get me to pay $1k while she pays for the other half and lies to him saying I paid for it lol. I don’t blame her because he’s really bossy as a husband and she doesn’t want to upset him but. There’s no way I’m paying $2k for this place that’s actually garbage, it was supposed to be very temporary anyway and I’ve only been here 1 month and a half. I was only informed of this today.

I don’t want to give up my pets because they are very important to me and calm me down. I have a cockatiel whom I’ve had for almost 10 years and I would rather die than give him up.

I can’t move in with family because my only family is my mom (and she lives with my landlord) and the only other family I have is across the globe in the Philippines.

I absolutely NEED to be able to move out in 2 weeks. I’m going to be doing emergency commissions and you can PM me about that or email me at pandxcommissions@gmail.com to talk about it. But on top of that I would really appreciate even small donations because it’s such a small timeframe. Even $1 donations are appreciated a lot.

I draw mostly furries but might be comfortable drawing humans. Here’s an example of something I drew recently of my oc. You can also see examples at my FA (username is Pandx) but the uploads on there are kind of old as I haven’t really been on in a long time.

If you can donate, my paypal link is this one:

https://www.paypal.me/pandx or you can send it to apocalypanda@gmail.com as friends or family.

I will also probably set up a ko-fi account.

If you can’t donate, please just reblog this so someone who can will see it. And if you like cute fluffy animals, please consider buying an emergency commission from me. I also do PWYW (pay what you want)

TLDR; I have to move in 2 weeks or cough up $2000 because of something that isn’t my fault or problem, and I’d much rather do the former

I can do art but donations are greatly appreciated, I’d kiss you all if I could. All links are above

[bloojayoolie]

Anaconda, Apparently, and Best Friend: Scooter ,ID# 47926 Handsome, happy and playful Boy. Very friendhy. Loves people, loves playtime in the yard and mostly he seems to like other dogs. Scooter enjoys to be petted and smiles and wags his tail in joy. 6 grs old 654 Maphottan ACC TO BE KILLED - 12/10/2018 Very handsome and happily playful gentleman! <3 Meet Scooter, a distinguished athlete and playgroup rockstar! Scooter and his sister Blue (who has been adopted already) lost their owner in a home fire. They were boarded at a vet for a month, but it was impossible to find them a new home within this short time frame and eventually their owner´s friend had to surrender them to the ACC. A volunteer writes: Scooter is a very pleasant walker. He cruises, he glides through the streets and the nearby park although he likes to chase squirrels. Nobody's perfect and I must say that the little critters are most often outnumbering us and teasing us! He is cool nearing big and small dogs and does his business without marking. Scooter stops at every passerby, asking: "I think I know you. Let's talk." I have no doubt that he would like to have their attention! Scooter really comes to life in the yard. He loves playing ball and although he seldom retrieves, he is quite happy and excited jumping and running after them. His tail is wagging big time, his eyes are glittering, a witness to his enthusiasm and happiness to be out and with a friend.. Scooter is no stranger to petting and sweet talks. He settles by my feet and just accepts caresses with a smile and a wagging tail. Scooter is a handsome lad, close to middle age, well built, healthy and well dressed, with a touch of independence but who knows proper manners. If you are looking for a solid and loyal companion, jogging partner and fun four legged best friend, do not look any further. Scooter is waiting for you at the Manhattan Care Center! A Staff Member Notes Scooter is a handsome lad and loyal companion. MY VIDEO: Scooter, the black Stallion https://youtu.be/MWO2YCrKEiw Scooter, Ginger and Riley https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-2xACJNawg Scooter ID# 47926 Manhattan Animal Care Center Sex: Male Age: 6 years old Primary Color: Black Secondary Color: White Weight: 65.4 lbs. Stray - Scooter and his sister Blue were boarded at a vet after their owner passed away in a home fire. It was impossible to find them a new home within this short timeframe. Intake Date: 11-24-2018 CAME IN WITH: his sister BLUE ID# 47927 (already adopted) SHELTER ASSESSMENT ~ AVERAGE HOME INTAKE INFO: Client is bringing in Scooter today because she can no longer hold him at her job. Client was boarding Scooter at Blue Pearl where she works. Scooter was boarding there for a month. Client tried to re-home Scooter in the result of her friend passing away in a home fire. Client does not have a NYC address of her own, she moved from North Carolina about two weeks ago. BEHAVIOR NOTES Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): Stray SAFER SCORES: Date of assessment: 25-Nov-2018 Look: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity: 1. Dog leans into the Assessor, eyes soft or squinty, soft and loose body, open mouth. Tag: 1. Dog follows at the end of the leash, body soft. Paw squeeze 1: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Paw squeeze 2: 1. Dog gently pulls back his/her paw. Flank squeeze 1: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2: Item not conducted Toy: 1. Minimal interest in toy, dog may smell or lick, then turns away. Summary: Scooter approached the assessor with a soft body. He was social during the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. Summary: Slow introductions are recommended between Scooter and respectful dogs. Summary (1): 11/24-27: When introduced off leash to the female greeter dog, Scooter avoids approach and keeps only to himself. Summary (2): 11/28-12/4: Scooter greets calm male and female dogs politely and wanders the pen. Summary (3): 12/5: Scooter engages in gentle play. Date of initial: 24-Nov-2018 Summary: Tense, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL: We have no history on Scooter so we cannot be certain of his behavior in a home environment. At the care center, he displays a medium level of activity. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION: AVERAGE (suitable for an adopter with an average amount of dog experience) MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 24-Nov-2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 6 y Microchip noted on Intake? y Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : Abandoned in Blue pearl Subjective: BAR, very nervous Observed Behavior - nervous but okay for medical handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - n Evidence of Trauma seen - n Objective T = NT P = 100 R = panting BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: afult dentition, underbite PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: MC MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat, pressure sores on right elbow,neuter green tattoo CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: NP Assessment - apparently healthy Prognosis: good Plan: - none SURGERY: neutered * TO FOSTER OR ADOPT * HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! * STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account \ Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU CANNOT GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

[autumn-kitten]

Tag Post

I was tagged by @springbearhime, thank you so much!!!!! ♡ ♡ I don’t think I’ve ever been tagged in one of these things so it made me unreasonably happy :’)

Posting this under a cut because it ended up being super long!

Nickname: Nic, Rose, Shy

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 20 as of this March!

Time: 10:31 am

Fave Artist: Radiohead right now. PS friendly reminder to blacklist the tag radiohead if you don’t wanna see me spamming, I just queued like 50 radiohead posts bc I have a problem lol

Song stuck in my head: This excellent, underappreciated one hit wonder, She Blinded Me With Science. Also, this live version of Radiohead’s Videotape, because it includes a cool part in the middle that isn’t on the recorded/studio version and I love it.

Last movie I saw: The Incredibles 2

Last thing I googled: Trying to figure out how to properly use the Amazon Alexa my mom bought, lol.

Other blogs: I have a Tera Online blog, which is dead rn because I’m not playing Tera very much anymore and the blog is on another email address so it takes too much effort to access it lol. I also partially abandoned it because I got the feeling people didn’t really like me on there.. got a whole lot of mean anons and all my mutuals stopped talking to me and uhHhh idk what I did but sorry y’all... I think I just complained way too much there honestly.  I also have a private rant/journaling blog, because I need to write things down to help me deal with it/get it out of my system.

Do I get asks: I wish!! Sometimes people do message me though but I always get shy ahah. Send me anons! I will answer anything! Hit me tf up!

Why I chose my url: Oh boy, I made this blog when I was probably 16. Autumn was my favorite season and I adore cats. I didn’t use this blog at first because I already had one I was active on and had a lot of friends/mutuals. When I was like 18, this guy I was dating at the would go on that blog and have a huge freakout over nearly everything on it (you posted a selfie and responded to someone that complimented you with a heart??? ARE YOU CHEATING????, etc), so I moved here. I feel kinda bad, I had like 10 messages from different people saying “this blog has zero posts and I want this url can i pls have :(”

Following: 631 LOL. Most people aren’t even active anymore so I should probably go through and clear that out...

What I am wearing: I don’t have work today so I’m still what I slept in - soft Mickey Mouse print boxer shorts and the shirt I wore yesterday lol

Dream job: I don’t really know what I want to do!! Something that makes me happy and doesn’t suck the life out of me, which idk is possible. The idea of working for the rest of my life really depresses me. I am very interested in a ton of things but am not talented at any of them (music, art, film directing or editing, computer programming/coding, writing/editing) so I’m hoping to take some classes at my community college and see if there’s something I’m able to pick up. As a kid I wanted to be an actress (I had no anxiety until I was like 12, it was wild - I was a theater kid haha), then all through middle and high school I wanted to be in a band or be an author/editor, and when I was like 18 I wanted to be an English teacher for quite a while but I’ve realized I’m too shy and definitely not assertive enough.

Dream trip: Japan and all over Europe. Also Australia/New Zealand!!

Fave food: Oof this is hard... I honestly just love food in general. Sometimes it’s burgers and fries, sometimes Chinese food, sometimes Pad Thai, sometimes sushi, sometimes pizza, sometimes pasta... Food is delicious, lol. Right now I’d say probably burgers and fries?

Play any instrument: I took piano lessons for a few years as a kid but hated practicing bc there was pressure from my parents and eventually quit. I wanted to learn how to play the drums but my parents said it was “too loud” so I played trumpet for 4 years in the middle school band and jazz band (because trumpet is SUCH a quiet instrument, lol). I self taught myself guitar in 8th grade and was in a band that never got off the ground, but I haven’t touched guitar since I was probably 16 and really wanna get back into it. I’d love to learn play bass guitar and drums!! Also, fun fact... I was SUPER obsessed with harps as a kid and really wanted to learn how to play one until I was like, 11.

Play(ed) any sport: Aside from being a theater/band kid, I was also v sporty since my dad really wanted boys, hahaha. I played soccer, volleyball, and basketball! I played soccer the longest but I ended up being better at basketball than anything else... but I loved volleyball the most, lmfao. I made some “tryout only” teams for all three sports, which was cool, but any and all sportiness died when I was like 13 or so because Depression Says No and honestly my heart wasn’t in it anymore, it started out as a fun activity but after I was about 10 or 11 I was just doing it because my parents wanted me to and I was really miserable. It was a blessing when they let me quit.

Hair color: Blondeish?? I think?? It’s kinda strawberry blonde in some light.

Languages spoken: English, and three years of classes worth of Japanese. I love languages but it’s super, SUPER hard for my brain to learn them. I want to get back into Japanese, though, because it came pretty easily and was a lot of fun! I tried to learn Spanish for a while since I was living in Argentina, but I was horrible at it and kept adding in Japanese on accident because apparently my brain could only handle two languages and not three, lol.

Random fact: Hmm...  I was incapable of rolling my R’s until new years eve this year.. I was v drunk and apparently was just sitting at the table going rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... after months of trying to learn how to do it and not even knowing the proper technique I was just rolling my R without even trying/knowing I was doing it. I’ve been able to since that day, lmfao.

Describe yourself with an aesthetic: Oh boy I don’t even know how to do this??And it depends on my mood??? My brain can’t decide who I am or what my aesthetic is, sometimes it’s crazy cat lady with a huge library in her house, sometimes it’s girl at the county fair with a flowy dress and sunflowers in her hair, sometimes (often) it’s “hi I no longer have black hair anymore but I still feel emo/goth in my soul™, sometimes it’s some bullshit 90s vaporwave stuff, sometimes it’s just “haha i’m here for the memes”, sometimes it’s telescopes and observatories and stars and astronomy, sometimes it’s cutesy pastel... idk what my aesthetic is.

Also here’s a relatable picture of me, ty for reading. I tag... anyone that wants to do this bc I really don’t know who to tag ahhhHhhHHHhhh

[apocvlypsed]

( snoop dogg vc ) greetings loved ones, let’s take a journey! 

it’s linc comin’ atchu with my third, the one & only, the precious, the marshmellow cute fellow, casey bouchard !  below you shall find a brief backstory, an array of headcanons, & some general suggestions for all ur plotting needs .

tyler young — oh, have you met casey bouchard? he is a nineteen year old cis male that is feeling apprehensive about the planet’s imminent doom. a film student, this virgo is known around town as the raconteur, because he is introspective & altruistic, as well as escapist & frangible. hopefully, case will survive.

overview/backstory blurb thing :

he’s the son of hawley’s mayor, it’s casual?? he’s v supportive of both his mothers, but like... also really doesn’t enjoy small town living? he’s a city boi so... having his mother literally up and move them to this middle-of-nowhere place in pennsylvania for love... he supported it out of necessity but? would much rather be back in nyc with his boyz?

ya boy’s originally from brooklyn, nyc born and raised! his father was kinda... never in the picture? ( translation: as soon as raising an infant got difficult, he peaced tf out and refuses to pay child support. mainly bc like... he disappeared. yup. nice guy. )  anyway! in response to this, his mother joined an online support group for single mothers -- just a chatroom where they could all kind of talk and relate to one another about the aches & pains of raising children on their own? well. on this forum, sharon friedman happened to receive a direct message from anna bouchard, and so it all began...

after years of talking with anna on the phone and over skype, casey was finally like, “ma, you gotta just meet her.” so when he was 15, he practically forced his mom to rent a car and they made a road trip out to hawley, pa to meet this woman that had so clearly captured his mother’s heart. he was like: yes ok, good !!  good! because casey believes in love and fate and red strings. what he wasn’t really counting on was... staying... in hawley... sharon couldn’t bring herself to leave hawley after their visit. casey couldn’t bring himself to deny his mother a chance at love and happiness after being so alone. who was he to say no to that? so he wasn’t the asshole he could have been -- he could have thrown a fit about their home, his school, his bae, his life back in nyc. but instead, he suggested that they move there, filled out the transfer papers for hawley high himself. and so he entered a new world as a sophomore, completely and utterly overwhelmed by the newfound quiet, slowness. he dealt. joined the photography club, became chief photographer and editor for the yearbook. to everyone else, he was thriving. and like... yes ok, maybe he was, but there was this part of him that still... longed for new york. the place that held his heart.

in his junior year of high school, anna announced her campaign for mayor !!  so naturally, casey was RIGHT THERE supporting the love of his mother’s life. printing flyers, handing out cute buttons and cupcakes at school. bc he loves his mother and his mother loves anna, so it just... made sense. but he... at this point he really missed the city; he was looking at nyu and columbia as options for post-secondary school. that is, until anna won the election and moved on from board of education to freakin’ mayor !

but what no one told him was how being the mayor’s son would affect him. when anna and his mother married, he kindly chose to keep his mother’s surname, friedman. but with a mayor in the family? it would seem suspicious to have a child with a mismatched surname. anna’s pr people basically coerced him into taking on her surname, bouchard. and y’know, it was the right thing to do. but it felt a lot like a sell-out.

being the mayor’s son also meant being in photos instead of taking them. which was..... not his forte? still isn’t. he’ll go through it for his mom, but casey thrives behind the scenes. he enjoys letting other people shine, paying witness to that.

he’s a film student now! studying in hawley because.... he couldn’t bring himself to abandon his mother, or to even approach her with pamphlets of city schools. she was so happy here, and he knew that giving her a reason to think he wasn’t... it would make her feel guilty. so ( another sell-out! ) he agreed to go to community college here. in his free time, he makes short films much like what mikey murphy makes on youtube . they’re never longer than 10 minutes -- they don’t have to be. they’re poignant. true. he’s got a way with the camera, a way with voiceovers and words and angles. all the fluff and frills aren’t necessary.

alright so... here’s the kicker. casey is a truthful person. he wears his heart on his sleeve. but lately he’s been made aware of some... i n f o r m a t i o n ... that could ruin the entire town and their relationship to their mayor, and his family. here’s the rundown:

he’s not a snoop. nope. but being the son of the mayor’s wife the mayor’s son involves helping out every so often. fielding, phone calls, organizing files, pr meetings... deleting emails.

so he stumbled upon an email thread detailing arrangements and transfers of large funds. for a bunker. for food. blankets. supplies. underground. using taxpayer money.

in a panic, he forwarded the emails to his personal email before deleting them off of anna’s computer.

why did he save them? why... why does he need them? because... they’re safe with him? or maybe they’re collateral? not that he.... he doesn’t need collateral, right? because the bunker helps him. ensures his survival, too. but here he is... carrying around this lethal information, not knowing what to do about it. wanting to tell those he’s close to, but he can’t because his mother loves anna and if he hurts anna, he hurts her, and himself. it’s... a predicament.

an array of headcanons! :

raisinets are casey’s weakness. if you wanna win him over, grab him a box. he will fall in love.

demisexual as fuck !!!  not the hookup type, but... let’s just say, it has happened before. takes a lot of alcohol. but he’s been there.

he adores old films. he SPRINTS to the little local theater when they have special features of anything vintage and cheesy. or even films like “back to the future” or “breakfast at tiffany’s”. he buys like 12 boxes of candy every time because he’s hella indecisive, swears he’ll decide when he sits down and then just... makes no decision and eats all of them. he unironically replaces his soda straw with a twizzler because.... it just Makes Sense, ok?

he’s got this wide-eyed attitude about the world. no way, you found half-priced avocados at rite aid? just... genuinely in this world because he adores it. the little things give him this breathless sense of joy. “i found a penny in the parking lot today!” he’ll chirp with pride to a room full of other film students that don’t give a shit. because... the unexpected tiny treasures are what make hawley worth staying. if he didn’t have those, he would have run back to nyc years ago.

casey wants so badly to believe there’s something greater about life. that it’s not some fragile wilting leaf to be tossed to the wind. he wants to fight for something and his way of doing that is easy smiles and a soft gaze.

he smells like cinnamon spice, vanilla, with subtle hints of amber, musk, and cedar. just like... how you might imagine a cool autumn day, with a gentle breeze. that’s really his disposition, too. that soft gust of wind that caresses your skin, ruffles your hair, makes you close your eyes and breathe in deeper.

he has a brooklyn accent and idk that’s just really important to me.

“one day” by kodaline is a Mood.

his personality/presence is a lot like “my favourite story” by jack in water? just... so lovely and quiet and soft.

he listens to vinyl bc his moms got him a player for hanukkah one year (lol they’re kinda in a great financial situation now that anna’s providing). so he’ll just lie down and stare at the ceiling and listen to the temptations and the beatles and belle & sebastien, lightly tapping his toes together, circling his feet. the simple things.

he gets quiet when he gets angry. as in, if you yell at him, he will lower his voice to a whisper so you have no choice but to lower yours and listen. he learned that from his mother and the countless arguments she got in with their landlord in brooklyn. it’s kind of a power move.

really allergic to cats and dogs! he gets the sniffles! but does he still always say hi and seek them out?? yes!!

he kind of... he kind of wants to make a film to put in the time capsule. he’s working on it, slowly. a film of hawley. of life before the asteroid. he’s absolutely the type to break out his camera or phone and film his friends without asking. highly sentimental. all the zooms, all the laughs and smiles and eye rolls before they inevitably cover the lens with their hands. he finds beauty in everything. or, rather, everything has the capacity to be beautiful, with some investment in time/angles. he films all those tiny moments, those pointless little dinner dates or hikes in the woods because... if he films his friends, if he films these moments... then they’ll never really die. they’ll exist on an sd card, or icloud, or... somewhere. and then his friends won’t die. his family won’t die. they’ll be there, immortalized on film. so film is... his craft. his passion. but also his way of avoiding the future, evading the bleak limitations of human existence. it’s his way of grappling with the asteroid, denying that big rock any of its power. because casey... he’s got a camera and he’s got time, and no boulder careening toward the planet can rip that away from him. ( it’s flawed logic. he knows. but it’s something. )

connection ideas :

step-brother/sister: they’re anna (the mayor)’s biological child. and i will probably send a wc in for this eventually, but basically they’re the second half of the reason why anna and sharon even met. i imagine things are kinda... interesting... between them and casey? being thrust into a new family, and now a family in the limelight... it’s complicated. they’re probably like, 20-24, a bit older.

friends: people from high school, people from college, etc. casey loves them dearly.

art squad: alright he... just really needs people to cry over great films with, honestly.

love interest: uhm he is so gentle and just... think about the gentle hand touches and linking of pinkies as they stand in the snack line at the theater and just... making fools of themselves ice skating & doing dumb shit? pls?

someone he wrongfully trusted:  aight... this is some angst, y’all. someone who literally crushed him, or... spread a rumor, or something. just completely violated his trust. because casey does not know how to deal with that shit. he’s the type to smile sadly and talk to them, ignoring how his eyes are misting over a bit. “hey, how are you? oh yeah, i’m... good. good, really. you mentioned a while ago you were gonna be doing ___, how’s that?” and he’ll... keep himself in that conversation for as long as they’ll talk. because like... if he angles his perspective just right, he can almost blur out the tension and pretend it’s back to how things used to be.

brotp: okay i need it. taking polaroids and penning dates on them, getting giggly drunk on champagne and watching cheesy rom-coms. just... being dorks. pls & thanks

pictures of you: hear me out. someone who’s been in the background of his life. appears in photos for the hs yearbook, maybe shows up in his films he shoots around town. they’ve never really spoken but casey wants to. it’s just... the whole... introductions thing. “hey, you’re in a lot of my art! accidentally! what’s up?” doesn’t really fly.

people from nyc: idk if your muse was ever in nyc for an extended period of time let’s just.. let’s discuss ;)

neighbor(s): so since the bouchards are quite well off, casey’s got his own ~ luxury apartment ~ to himself, oo la la. but i imagine it’s part of a larger apartment complex, etc.

grocery store buds: “hello, how are you, wanna try to find ripe avocados with me?” becomes a saturday routine. they wait for their deli meat together too. so cute. #truelove. ya never know.

exes: i imagine casey wouldn’t have many of these, since he does have this really romanticized idea of love and carries with him high, virgo standards. but... these would’ve been special connections. and he probably mourns them a lot.

literally anything ever i love plots and we know this

[bxebxee]

frisky in a caring way 💕 also, this is vaguely a starving artist au…

(for @jimeolk bc she is my ghostie)

x

x

x

“I’m…actually not in the mood tonight.”

Yoongi removes his hands from your chest after you say you’re tired, but he does not budge from his spot behind you. You exhale slowly as he hugs you, chin resting on your shoulder. You can feel Yoongi’s hardness press against your ass, and you feel a little bit bad to just shut him down immediately. But work had been literal hell today, and your whole body was aching from standing and lifting and walking and shelving during a sixteen hour shift.

“Did you have a good day?” you ask. Yoongi generally only initiates sex like this when something truly spectacular has happened.

“Yeah,” he mutters, “I think people are liking the new song I put out. Got a couple emails from people with money.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you.”

Yoongi kisses your neck for a few seconds before letting you go.

“Take a nice, hot shower,” he tells you. Yoongi strokes your cheek with his thumb when you take a glance at his crotch. “And don’t worry about him. Just get clean, and I’ll make you some tea before bed.”

Your heart melts because you love him so much. “Okay,” you reply. “See you in thirty.”

x

You’re out of the shower in twenty-seven minutes, wearing one of your oversized t-shirts sans underwear. Your hair is wrapped in the cotton towel even though five different beauty sources have warned against this. Old habits die hard.

A cup of hot tea lies on top of your vanity next to the mess of cosmetics that you can’t be bothered to organize.

“Come here for a sec,” Yoongi motions with your hair dryer in his hand. And if you thought you could not love him more, you are wrong. Dead wrong.

The sound of the dryer is loud and jarring, but none of that bothers you when Yoongi blow drys your hair in gentle motions, taking care not to burn your ears with the heat or pull at the color-damaged ends. It’s soothing beyond measure, and you could have probably fallen asleep just like this had the sound been a bit quieter.

“There,” he says, hands massaging in argan oil through the strands. He combs your hair with your bamboo bristle brush from root to tip in slow, steady motions.

“I love you,” you sigh.

Yoongi continues to brush your hair without a word because he knows. And the sentiment is very much reciprocated.

“Go lay face down on the bed,” he tells you, finally putting down his brush. “I noticed you stretching your neck before. Did you pull it?”

You nod. “Yeah, I was on shelving and inventory duty today.” Every part of your body felt stretched too thin. The pangs of discomfort were more annoying than painful, but it bothered you all the same.

“I’ll give you a massage. Go lie down.”

“You’re too good to me,” you grin and comply happily.

“Enjoy it. I’m in a good mood.”

Your laughter is cut short by his magical, warm fingers and palms that rub away at every knot and ache in your joints and muscles. And before you can feel embarrassed, you moan into the bedsheets. Loudly.

Yoongi’s hands travel down your neck and shoulders and back, past your buttocks and thighs to press his thumbs up and over the curve of your calves and ankles. He rotates your feet in small circles carefully, making sure to avoid jerky movements. And then,and then, he presses hard indentations on the arches of your ticklish feet.

The laugh that bubbles over is tempered by the smallest flare up of arousal that hits you unexpectedly. Because you were well on your way to dream land until about five seconds ago. Yoongi abandons your feet all too soon, and he lets his hands travel upwards once more along your legs.

You are wide awake now and fully attuned to how large and calloused his hands feel on the smooth skin of your legs. Yoongi skips your butt this time and zeroes in on your lower back with more force. His presses are enough to jostle you the slightest bit, causing phantom motions to ripple through your body and straight to your clit.

He’s not sure if the groan you let out is in pain or pleasure so he asks.

“Mmmm, I’m okay,” you slur, awake and relaxed and horny all at the same time. “More than okay…”

You grasp Yoongi’s wrist to stop him from touching you as you move to sit up.

“You planned this,” you say while you’re eye-level with him.

“A little,” Yoongi admits with unabashed pride. “Two birds. One stone.”

You kiss him at his answer because you take back what you said earlier. You are very much in the mood now. So Much.

[bellarkefanworkawards-blog]

Best Modern One-Shot

HOLD ME CLOSE AND HOLD ME FAST by Kacka @katchyalater​

Clarke doesn’t hate Bellamy Blake. She and her co-star aren’t on the best of terms, but luckily they’re both pretty good actors.

SEEN BY EVERYONE by Arysa13

Bellamy doesn’t realise that when you change the name of the group chat EVERYONE can see it.

JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED by Kacka @katchyalater

One of Bellamy and Clarke’s longest-standing arguments happens to be over which one of them– the PhD or the MD– is more of a ‘real doctor.’ He thinks he’s holding his argument pretty well until he goes and gets sick.

Best Canon One-Shot

A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD by LaughingSenselessly @wellsjahasghost​

“If today is the end of the world,” Clarke says, carefully, “I want you to know tonight, with you, was the best night I’ve had on earth.” – Clarke, Bellamy, and the night before the second apocalypse.

NOT WITH HASTE by winterwaters

Post-canon: Long after they’ve saved the world, Clarke and Bellamy try to get their shit together.

Or, how Clarke comes to realize she might need a bit more than subtlety to get her point across.

BACK TO THE BEGINNING by caramelle @mellamymake

It’s fucking confusing. They found each other. They’re all together again. Clarke and Bellamy, they have each other now, literally right there. Shouldn’t Clarke be happy?

Or, the one where the delinquents return to Earth, and things between Clarke and Bellamy aren’t going the way Raven expects them to.

Most Underrated One-Shot

LOVE IS ALIVE by FrisianWanderer

Clarke looks at her friend, feeling shocked and confused, while Bellamy waits for a response. In the heat of the moment she doesn’t know how to react, because this isn’t a situation she ever envisioned. Therefore, she decides to handle it like the mature, responsible adult that she is - by making a joke out of it. He can’t be serious anyway, she reminds herself; Bellamy doesn’t do romantic relationships and has never given her the slightest indication he wanted that with her. She chuckles and playfully rolls her eyes at him. “Come on Bell, we all know how you date. You come with one girl and leave with another. That’s not what I’m looking for.”

Or the one where it takes them a while to get there, but they get there eventually.

TIME by Pawprinter

It's been five years since Praimfaya. They were supposed to return on this day. They were supposed to be Wonkru. In reality, it didn't work out this way. They didn't return. All Clarke feels is betrayal. 

"Bellamy!" she cried. "You abandoned us!" She couldn't take it anymore. The feelings that tore her apart. "Bellamy!" She sobbed again. "Bellamy, I loved you!"

I'M ONLY HONEST WHEN IT RAINS by bella_my_clarke @sherlockvowsontheriverstyx

She meets his gaze, eyes full of heartbreak and pain and terror, and the urge to comfort her becomes so powerful he nearly falls forward. “Bellamy. I don’t think you understand—this mission has a ninety percent chance of failing, of killing you in twenty different ways, and just the thought—” “We’ll make it,” Bellamy murmurs, even though he’s not a fool. “We’ll come back.” “You don’t have to leave at all,” Clarke pleads, grasping at straws now. “Please, Bellamy, you’ll be safe—we’ll be together, with our people—you don’t have to do this.”

Or: there are only so many lifeboats, and Bellamy isn't going to be on one

Best Hurt/Comfort & Angst One-Shot

I HAD HOPE by wanheda_two_heda @youleftme-clarke

Bellamy’s used to his best friend treating his apartment as her own. She lives there half the time anyway. But he’s a little more than concerned when he finds her crying in his bed, blankets pulled up under her chin. He knows that she lets her work get to her sometimes, but he’s never seen her like this, and maybe the trouble is that she had too much hope.

I WANT THIS by wanheda_two_heda @youleftme-clarke

Clarke’s spoiled, rich princess attitude has always irked Bellamy when he wasn’t too busy crushing on her. And her attitude is what leads to a lot of their fights at work. But when Clarke gets a call in the middle of one of these arguments and she needs a ride to the hospital, Bellamy realizes that he might have been wrong about the feisty blonde all along.

BRAVE PRINCESS by mockingbird616

Bellamy comforts Clarke after she kills Finn. Set after 2x08

Best Fluff One-Shot

MORE LIKE THE EMPEROR by emperor_bell

Based on the prompt: "you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino" but Bellamy's a nerd so Roman emperors instead.

LOOK WHO FAILED FLIRTING 101 by Kacka @katchyalater​

In Bellamy's defense, he and Clarke only know each other through their YouTube videos and emails. That's probably why he didn't realize she was flirting with him.

IT'S CALLED A HUSTLE, SWEETHEART by prosciutto @prosciuttoe

That gets a grunt out of him. “Why me?” “Let’s see,” she goes, tapping her nail against her chin, feigning deep thought. “Uh, it may have something to do with the fact that you’re the only thieving, morally ambiguous individual that I know of?” “Cute.” Bellamy snorts.

Or: It has always been a part of Clarke’s plan to join the force. Partnering up with a con-artist? Not so much.

Best Comedic One-Shot

MISCOMMUNICATION IS STILL A FORM OF COMMUNICATION by myonetruelove

Octavia suggests that Bellamy pretend to be Clarke's boyfriend to save her from some random guy hitting on her at the bar, but Bellamy can't do that bcause he's in love with her (which of course Octavia knows). So Octavia steps in to save her instead and Bellamy loses his shit.

TWO HEARTS IN ONE HOME by twilightstargazer @hiddenpolkadots​

'Roan: okay so look this whole treaty things it's just not working out. Bellamy: what can I do to fix it? Roan: well a marriage might fix things Bellamy: ...Roan: between you and Clarke. Roan: and some heirs. Roan: and to make the alliance official make me the godfather Roan: they can call me 'cool uncle roan'

or basically, a marriage of convenience fic with bonus bellarke babies

CAN'T CONTROL MY FEELINGS, CAN'T CONTROL MY THOUGHTS by katsumi

When Jasper accidentally gifts Clarke a love potion, everyone she interacts with starts acting...weird. Everyone, that is, except Bellamy. [Hogwarts AU]

Best Smut One-Shot

NOW I'M ADDICTED by arysa13

Clarke loves her boyfriend, honestly. She just can't seem to stop cheating on him with Bellamy Blake.

AND THEY'LL HANG US IN THE LOUVRE by Twilightstargazer

“Well I mean, I can always give you a hand. If you want.” By the time her brain has managed to catch up with what she just said, his eyes have already snapped over to her and she pretends to be engrossed in the salt slowly dissolving around the rim of her margarita. “Really,” he says flat. “What are friends for, am I right?” she says breezily, looking anywhere but at him.

or, Clarke is only doing this to help him. Really.

A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD by LaughingSenselessly

“If today is the end of the world,” Clarke says, carefully, “I want you to know tonight, with you, was the best night I’ve had on earth.”

Or, Clarke, Bellamy, and the night before the second apocalypse.

[i-amusemyself]

All Emoji Asks.

🐰 what is one secret youve never told anyone?I don't really have that many secrets. I guess theres a side of my personality that I spend a lot of energy supressing like hell that I hate with a passion.💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?Right now? My best friend right next to me or my friend back home.🐹 what are some of your favourite pokemons and why?I mean, I only ever played pokemon go, but from that I loved the squirtles and the evees just bc theyre cute af🌠 if you were in charge of the world what would it be like?A lot more chilled out. Chill pills would be mandatory.👀 what was the most recent vivid dream you had?Okay I had two freaking weird ones the other night?In one I was a 10 y/o muslim girl going to a new primary school and while I was there I started raising money for a cancer charity.In the other I was taking a really hard A level maths exam and getting stressed and mad bc everyone kept talking and I couldnt finish it in time.☀ what do you like most about your best friend?EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Idk, I guess how forgiving and layed back she is. She always tries to understand and see things from your point of view.😘 talk about your crush or partnerLmao I'm alone 😂 I do have a crush but its a million miles from mutual so like, shes amazing but boi it hurts 😂💁 if someone was rude to you would you be rude back?Depends on how well I know them and what they're like tbh. I'll banter, but I avoid confrontation.🌟 what do you like about yourself? (3 things)😂😂😂 wow erm...1. I always try and put in all the energy I have if someone/something needs it2. I make loads of terrible puns its gr93. I really dont have any other qualities idk🐾 what are you scared of most? How will you overcome it?👏 I'm terrified of abandonment 👏 aaaand as of yet I have no idea how to deal with it ngl🎁 what never fails to make you happy?Really good stand up commedy or my favourite music💙 what annoys you about some people?Their complete lack of self-awareness. Idk, maybe I'm low key jealous too but srsly some people????😤 do you get angry easily?Yeah. I keep pretty good tabs on it so you probs wouldnt know it, but if something upsets me, chances are I'm hella pissed too.🐇 what do you always daydream about?Dramatic and upsetting situations or drunk situations 😂🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?1. Sort out equality and all that jazz2. Divide up the land more equally, bc it pisses me off that some people are living in tiny cramped shacks and others have 100 mile square farms.3. End capitalism and with that make all necessary services free.🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?Anon?✈ what is your dream city and why?I mean Ive always wanted to go to copenhagen but theres no guarantee its gonna be my fave. My fave so far is Amsterdam bc its so peaceful and the architecture is to die for.☕ talk about your ideal day?Spend it with my best friend/crush. Lay in bed late and be lazy and watch good TV/movies. Maybe go out in the afternoon to not go stir crazy and entertain ourselves. Stay up kinda late talking about deep shit, lying underneath the stars.🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?Ambivert!💧 when was the last time you cried?Yesterday lmao 😂 i havent gone more than 2 days without crying in the past week 😧 I just got myself into a nice Depression Episode.🎵 name 5 songs you like atm?Argh I havent listened to music in so long (7 days...) umm so things i wanna listen to- youth by daughter- voices by Motionless in white- living dead girl by rob zombie- corpse roads by keaton hensen- lost boy by troye sivan⚡ if you had any superpower what would it be and why?Mind reading bc my anxiety would be halved.💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?I'd tell myself to stop trying to fit in and be like everybody else because the people I know are just a tiny portion of the population and really aren't much to aspire to. I'd tell myself to drop all my shitty friends because it would stop me from dealing with a lot of crap later on. I'd point myself in the right direction of the better people 😂I'd teach myself how to stand up for myself and how to not take any crap.And I'd give myself a hug and tell myself it's okay not to be cishet, because maybe if I could turn back time and start to deal with it earlier I'd be okay with it now.💚 who are you jealous of and why?A lot of people really, with qualities I don't have.I suppose one kid in particular is like, everything i want to be. Kind, hillarious, confident, close to people I love. 💎 what would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? Why?Bravery or kindness?? Its hard to have one without the other. Also beauty ngl bc im fugly.🙊 what are you ashamed of?My gender and sexuality 👏🌺 which languages do you know? Which do you want to learn?I know english and spanish and I'm learning Danish. Hopefully once I'm okay at danish I can learn arabic. Ill be satisfied after that 😂☘ if you could be any fictional characters friend/lover who would it be and why?I mean, theres plenty of fictional lesbians where im like 😏👀 but honestly if I had to pick only one person I'd choose Kieren Walker from in the flesh bc he needs a friend and I relate to him so strongly.☁ talk about your dream universe.Mental and physical illness doesnt exist. People arent dicks. Everything is free. No one feels unloveable.💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?Idk I'm p much done for the day 😂 I've been helping out around the house all day tho🐬 if you could transform into any animal what would it be and why?I mean i might be biased but either a dog or a sloth bc they get to sleep all the time 😂🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike.Someone I was best friends with for 4 years suddenly turned around and stabbed me in the back, made up shit about me, arranged that all my friends not talk to me for a fortnight, sent group emails stuffed with emotional manipulation and blamed me for her suicidal thoughts. I nearly ended it. Now I get to watch my friends still loving her like she isn't the world's most heartless person. It makes my blood boil.😣 talk about something that has been making you depressed/angry/anxious.I'm staying with my best friend rn and I can't stand the thought of going home.🍪 what did you want to be as a kid and what do you want to be now?I wanted to be a nurse and now I wanna be a doctor 👏 variety 👏🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?I cant really eat sugar 😂 so fuck knows? Chocolate?🍑 what are you obsessed with?Brains, thought processes, psychopaths, graveyards and more 😂💘 what happens to you when youre stressed?I just get really emotional and start agressively making lists everywhere in an attempt to sort my life out.😪 what are you sick of?Humanity.🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?Yeah its terrible 😂 i hate anxiety but I also kinda love it when my heart races.💥 what are some unpopular opinions you have?I....dont? I cba with discourse lifes too short.☔ would you consider yourself a good person?I think anyone with good intentions is usually a good person so yeah😊 what do you do as hobbies?Sleep, binge watch netflix and blog 😂🎤 whats the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?👏👏👏 Mr Brightside 👏👏👏 what a jam 👏👏👏🐝 whats your worst trait?Being waaayyy too clingy.🌷 whats your mbti personality type and why do you think it suits you?ISFJ and yeah defo, its the defender and I feel that tbh🐶 send me 3 fictional people and ill choose my favourite.Anon?👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?Kaitlyn Alexander is my bae.Besides that I dont really....obsess over any celebrities? Eliza taylor is doing p good 😂 ummm also some youtubers? Do they count?🐴 opinion on __?Its a great bit of punctuation.🍋 do you consider yourself to be an emotional person?Lmfaoooooo YES📚 share 3 books you love and your favourite quotes from them.M8. Thats not gonna happen 😂 I love any book that makes me cry but I cannot quote a single word.😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? Does it work?Find a quiet corner, shut my eyes and listen to my Depression Playlist. It doesn't always make me feel better but it helps me ride it out.🙂 what thoughts keep you going when you're sad?The thoughts of uni and that I'll hopefully meet some great new people. Also my best friend. Just in general 😂🌎 which country do you live in?England.🐧 describe yourself in 3 words?Awkward, tall and shy.🙉 what quotes changed you?"Pick your fights" bc as much as its a meme it helps me chill outAlso "everything is temporary" and "the sun will rise and we will try again".💭 do you keep a diary?I have a personal blog which acts as a diary yeah💫 who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander!! (Listen theyre like the first nb representation I ever knew and I relate so much to everything they say and theyre so cute and talented)👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?I mean, my initial response is no. Because we're just bags of flesh made up of cells and when we die those cells die so theres nothing to live on.But tbh we know so little about the universe I'm open to the possibility of anything at this point.🎀 whats your fashion sense like?Dior. I know what clothes I like and think look good but I never like them on me.🎬 what are some of your favourite films?Deadpool, My sisters keeper, pitch perfect 2 ermm🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?UmmmmmmmmmmmmWhen I first got my bunny, that was an amazing day!!🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?Um my soulmate? Where are they at?

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati