#i should 100% be getting it back. hes just a fucking cuck and is taking forever to process it

[princessmyriad]

Fucken hate landlords man

[dairy-farmer]

Just had a thought about TimKon cuckolding kink: it all starts when Kon comes back from the dead and finds Tim in Paris and they have their heart to heart only for Tim to tell Kon that he understands if he doesn't want to date Tim anymore, bc Tim found out a few months after Kon died that he's pregnant - and considering they both know 100% that Kon is completely sterile, there's no way he's the baby daddy

And like, he was dead, so it wasn't TECHNICALLY cheating on Tim's part? Tbh I'm not sure who the baby daddy would be, but I really wanna say Ra's. If it doesn't work, timeline wise, then I could easily see Tim and Dick angry fucking before Tim leaves to go find Bruce and gets pregnant from that. Not the point tho

Kon finds he doesn't really mind Tim having someone else's baby. It's not like Kon could have gotten him pregnant instead, after all, and he's always wanted a family, especially with Tim. As Tim progresses in his pregnancy, they both find they're more and more turned on by Tim's pregnancy as time goes by. When the baby is born (and a carbon copy of Tim, so no one assumes Kon isn't the baby daddy, his being sterile not common knowledge among anyone that isn't the core four), they're both in love with her and with each other. Despite that, Kon finds that he misses Tim's big baby bump and heavy tits that he had while he was pregnant. They talked about it a little bit before the baby was born, but never decided if this would be their only child of not

At the very least they should wait until they aren't teenagers. Right? But then the baby if five months old and Tim is working on getting his pre-baby body back (or as close as he can get it), and Kon can't take it. He tells Tim he wants them to have another baby. This is when they discover that they have cuckolding kinks, and then later after Kon gives Tim permission to sleep with whoever in order to get pregnant, Kon learns he has an indefinitely kink as well, bc Tim reveals that he slept with A LOT of people with no idea who knocked him up. Kon finds this so hot and so... life continues on

They have more and more kids, convincing everyone they're just dumb teenagers who can't keep it in their pants long enough to wait for Tim to get birth control, when really they intend for these pregnancies to happen. Tim sleeps with many people, some capes, some strangers, some family and friends, and most of them are under the impression that Tim is cheating, and so they keep hush-hush out of shame. This helps with any allegations of who the baby daddy could be, so no one questions Kon's parentage

By the time they start slowing down, they easily have kids in the double digit numbers by now, a handful of them sharing a father. People seem to have caught on but are too embarrassed to say anything, bc some of the babies Tim has popped out are... well, clearly NOT Kon's, based on prominent features like skin color or hair color/texture. They're both super into it tho, and have a completely healthy relationship with each other and all of their babies, besides

tim and kon using the shame other capes have at having had an affair with tim while KNOWING he was married to kon to make sure they keep quiet is SO good especially if kon was actually listening while it was happening. he used super hearing and xray vision to be able to listen and watch while tim was getting knocked up again with one of their babies 🥺.

even years later when its clear that kon is not the father of all of the babies because of the powers they start getting but the people who suspect they're the biofathers still don't say anything because they can't possibly admit to the affairs they engaged with together with married person especially if they were ALSO married. (clark looking uncertainly at one of tim's babies that looks SO similar to jon)

just kon and tim having a breeding, infidelity, AND cuck together- they really are made for each other ❤️

[happyk44]

Modern AU Percicobeth where it's V-shaped connected to Percy and Nico and Annabeth don't really have much of a relationship going on between them, friendship or otherwise, because they don't really overlap. Percy and Annabeth are childhood sweethearts who met at the same boarding school, and Nico started dating Percy after meeting him at the stables his sister practices at.

Annabeth flies into NYC after finishing up her university exams. She's got about a month before her internship starts, but she managed to talk her dad into letting her leave early and is crashing at Percy's place in the meantime. On impulse, halfway through studying for an English class she tried to argue her way out of taking, she chopped off her hair so it's rough and short and she slightly dreads the decision, but the upside is she did manage to hook up with the pretty girl down the hall of her dorm because of it so it's not entirely bad.

Grover drags them both out to a college party, where Percy disappears thirty minutes through to "find some fucking water, why is everyone so obsessed with beer" and Grover, on two cups of spiked punch, starts challenging everyone who comes close to a dance-off. Drunk Grover is a lot more wild than sober Grover but between Juniper and Annabeth, they manage to keep him from doing anything too stupid.

Nico shows up a couple hours in. His hair has grown out longer than Annabeth's seen in pictures before and with the buzz of alcohol and a hit of weed in her system, she doesn't really recognize him, but she thinks he's hot. She also mistakes him for a shy goth lesbian, but that's neither here nor there.

Percy's in the middle of a karaoke battle that he is 100% failing and doesn't notice Nico yet, but Annabeth keeps a focused look on the cute girl staring and smiling at her boyfriend making a fool of himself and thinks blearily that she's gonna land this girl before Percy can. And then maybe they can have a weird threesome in the back of Percy's car later.

They get like five minutes of casual conversation before Annabeth just starts kissing her and she's definitely kissing back and smugly she thinks to herself that maybe they don't need a threesome, maybe Percy can just sit back and watch while she blows this girl's mind. Serves him right for ditching her in search of water, of all things.

Then Percy's solo finishes and Annabeth is getting ready to grab his car keys to carry on the fun when he blurts out, "Oh! Nico! You're here!"

Briefly Annabeth thinks Nico isn't a nickname she's heard for Nicole before, and then suddenly it clicks, and she blinking as she connects random cute goth lesbian to Percy's short twink boyfriend.

Percy swings an arm over Annabeth's shoulder and kisses her cheek. "I was gonna introduce you guys myself, but I guess I didn't need to!"

Nico's brows furrow and Annabeth blearily realizes she never actually introduced herself. She just started talking, and then, very quickly, kissing. She's always been on the buffer side, exercise helps her focus and she hates cardio, and very quickly she's realizing that in the dim lighting and her suddenly short hair Nico thought she was a guy.

It's kinda funny.

Annabeth is definitely bi, but last she heard about Nico is that he was gay with a capital G. But as Percy is rambling something about how they should all get lunch together the next day, Annabeth is wondering just how firm that title is because Nico is still staring at her with the same warmth in his eyes that he had right before she attacked his mouth and, like, fuck it. Sexuality is fluid, right?

They end up fucking a couple hours later in the backseat of Percy's car while Percy is given no choice but to watch (which his cuck ass doesn't mind in the slightest). Annabeth accidentally slips between saying "good boy" and "pretty girl" but judging from Nico's breathy whines, he doesn't entirely mind.

Annabeth certainly doesn't mind when Nico introduces her to his family as his really handsome girlfriend a couple months later. In fact, she kinda likes it. Partly because Percy asks if that makes him Nico's handsome boyfriend ans Nico says no with his entire chest in a way that causes Percy to splutter in a huff. And partly because handsome is descriptor she's never heard for herself before and she really likes the sound of it.

That's their relationship. Handsome girl. Pretty boy. And whatever the fuck Percy is.

[oriigirii]

💞 MC is a Genshin Simp 💞

=====

{ AN: Omg! This is my first ask so thank you anon (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)/!! This is such a vibe too haha, I hope you like it! } Warnings: None [Maybe Refs and Chars you wont get if you dont play Genshin Impact] * Probably a bit OOC too *

Reader: Gender-Neutral [Default]

( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

========

< Genshin Impact was a game that took the human realm by storm, with its open-world gameplay, its competitive PvE and aesthatic settings, it was truly something that captured you the moment the beta was announced. Although, as with any Gacha games, you weren’t only attracted to the world and its setting.

No no.

The characters were truly the main eye candy of the game. You’d been worried that when you had been sucked into Devildom, you wouldn’t be able to access the game due to, yknow, realm differences, but luckily that wasn’t the case thanks to Levi, and hence why the moment it dropped, you had been spending your life savings simping for characters on every banner.

Yknow theres handsome bois in devildom too... Theyre just kinda waiting for you to put your game down for a moment and kinda notice em ～((Φ◇Φ)‡ >

------

ฅ⁽͑ ˚̀ ˙̭ ˚́ ⁾̉ฅ Lucifer

He usually doesn’t mind you playing games

Although, He would’ve preferred if you didn’t cause you kinda need to focus on your studies yknow?

But hey he’s not stopping you

Usually you would stay with him as he works, but he can’t seem to focus with you constantly begging beside him

Small little ‘please’ would be heard every now and then, and a sudden look of disappointment would show on your face.

He tried to ignore it, even giving little cues for you to quiet down, like clearing his throat

You didnt seem to pick up the hint though

He was just about to ask you what you were doing in the first place that has you praying beside him (which is hella rude) but your scream of happiness has him a little more irked and kinda taken back

“LUCIFER! I GOT HIM! LOOK LOOK I GOT HIM!”

You show him the screen showing your pull results

The character held a giant claymore with bright red hair

Before he can get another word in, you snatch your phone back and just sigh as if youd just had a heavenly (ironic) experience and mumble

“I seriously love him, Im so happy...”

Bro same though, Diluc pls come home

You were truly one of a kind, because youve just managed to break the Avatar of Pride’s... well.... Pride.

Did he just get cucked by a man in a video game?

Truly outrageous.

He seems to scoff and holds back a bit of an eye roll as he tries to focus back on his work

But boy oh boy, his salt is high

“If you are going to be causing a ruckus MC, May i suggest you doing it with Levi instead, I have no time for such games. I dont see why youre so caught up in such a character anyways, he looks quite basic.”

His words were sharp, and that was enough to shake you out of your fangirl/boy mode.

You were literally ready to fight the first born, a literal fucking fallen angel, for dissing Diluc like that

like

how dare

But then you notice how he seems to avoid your gaze and a small little red tint was on the tip of his ears.

Lucifer wouldve wanted to see you that happy with him, but no, a game character steals that spotlight.

Angey.

Instead of being intimidated by the sudden coldness, you giggle and finally close your phone and set it aside

You can continue celebrating and bragging about it later, for now, you wrap your arms around his arm and give him a small smooch on the cheek, which definitely makes him blush a tad bit

“Awww Luci dont be like that, Yknow I love you more”

Potential apocalypse has been diverted

But Lucifer does smile the smallest of smiles as he sighs, finding it silly to really get jealous over such a small thing and says

“I love you too, my dear... but you do have to make up for distracting me from my work...”

Well you kinda deserve it, so it wasnt long before both his work and your phone had been ditched

( After a while you do kinda see him quite similar to Diluc and it just makes you smile everytime you think about it, seems you have a thing for the strict cold men huh?)

===

Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) Mammon

Why you simping for a fictional character when you already have him?!

He’s your first man!

Your homie!

“Yeah well hes my first 5* so can you blame me?”

S A D N E S S

But for real, this man is just so clingy

He has heard from Levi that you were playing a new game from the human world, and of course, he had wanted to see what it was about by watching you play.

But since it was quite grind-heavy gacha game, he grew a bit bored and asked you to come with him to hang out somewhere else, or even go to the casino and gamble his money away cause he just got goldie back

But no matter what he suggests, you were just so focused on your grinding.

He’d prefer a different kinda grinding right about now with how lonely he is, ya feel me?

But no, you still werent interested.

“Oi! Cmon MC, whats even so important about this?”

“I already told you Mammon, Im grinding for primogems from the event! Theyre gonna be gone soon and I just HAVE to get them! Ugh I swear to Diavolo, if I dont, Imma cry! I didnt get him on their first banner too... ugh!”

Wait no--

Cmon he doesnt want you to cry!

Mammon kinda stays silent for a bit as he watches you struggle to fight the monsters with your low level team, frustration growing on your face.

But as you finish, Mammon seems to snatch your phone

“Hey! whats the big deal Mammon?!”

“Shut up and show me where the store is geez”

Mammon’s demands kinda surprises you and you raise an eyebrow at him, but you do show where it was, and sit back for a while as Mammon just fiddles around with it. You werent sure what he was doing honestly, was he interested? Did you say anything that made him act this way? All you talked about the game was the gacha system so--

oh…

OH

“Mammon! Wait you dont have to---”

“There! I got you as much primo things, or whatever theyre called”

He already has tossed you your phone back and he crossed his arms, looking away as the red blush covers most of his cheeks.

You look at your phone and you honestly felt your heart speed up and stop at the same time at the amount of primos on your account, it was enough for a full 180 pull! If you dont get the limited character on the first 50-50, you have another shot!

You felt your own heart speed up and your face burn so hard, but you do mumble him a quick “But... But why though?”

“Cuz! If you start cryin’ Lucifer’s gonna beat my ass! Dont think I did it for you, you human! I just dont want him taking away Goldie again!”

“But I thought this was your gambling money, isnt it?”

“w-well!... I mean... Hmph.. Gachas kinda like gambling right?, I know Lucifers gonna hang me if he catches me in the casino again anyways, so I thought I might as well just do this... with you...or whatever...” Hes dying, help

But so are you!

Hes too fucking cute and you just glomp him and just hug him as tight as you can!!

Flusterred boi 100

But you do spend you afternoon on his lap, both of you rolling the full 180 in excitement, whether you get that boi/gal you simped for on the banner or not, you still were happy to spend some time with Mammon

He doesnt mind losing a bit of cash for you

but you do promise to pay him back (maybe with a few kissy)

But to be honest, Gacha probably will help him with his gambling addiction...

kinda...

He doesnt go to casinos anymore but he does whale with you now

Lucifer has such a mix feeling with these results.

But he still confiscates Goldie and your card on the end, yall need to chill.

====

ヽ(。_°)ノ Leviathan

He probably wasn’t even interested on the game at first

He already has enough games to play, and it just looks like another rip off of some other game he saw not too long ago with that elf looking guy

But when you came to him asking for his help to get the game, you bet your ass that he felt a switch click

Suddenly it was incredibly interesting!

You do share your interests to him almost immediately

By interests, of course i mean the peeps you simp for

The sexy ara ara in the library of mondstat, the pirate looking ass of the guards, the pirate looking ass’s brother thats a wine owner and still highkey reminds you of Lucifer, the demon slayer--- You were actually unsure if you should talk about Xiao but hey hes cool

You explain it all!

From their lore to their voice lines and whatever

But honestly what do you expect from the Avatar of Envy?

Of course hes gonna be a bit jealous! He cant compare to any of these characters! Hes not as witty as that eye patch man, hes not as sophisticated as that red head, hes not as flirty as that ara ara either!

As you go on, you notice that Levi was kinda... half listening....

It made you pout, but then, it made you worried

Uh-oh you know that look

its that, ‘im overthinking’ look

So to snap him out of it, you kinda grab his face as gently as you can

“Need Grimm for your thoughts?”

He flushes and he immediately looks away, but you usher him to look at you as you coo and ask him whats wrong

It takes a bit till he kinda explains to you how hes feeling

In your relationship, you both were practicing being more open with each other, hence why you were proud of Levi for saying it

but you did feel kinda sad and frowned as he finishes explaining

“You... feel jealous?”

“Ugh d-dont say it out loud normie....”

He covers his face with his arm and you just cant help but shake your head with a fond smile, but you do need to address this and comfort him.

“Levi... when you fanboy about Ruri chan, did you ever think she was better than me?”

Your question made him frown and look at you in absolute worry

Did you actually think that you were below Ruri chan?

Of course hes an absolute simp for Ruri but.. cmon

Now that he thinks about it, he does talk about her a lot doesnt he? oh no...

“MC O-Of course not! I love Ruri chan yes, but you... I... I Love... you more...” Levi exe do be dying

But you smile at his response and gently kisses his cheek

“I think thats sweet Levi... But thats how I am too... Youre still better than any of these characters, youre real and they arent, youre mine and I am yours~ Youre my personal 5 star!” You wink at him and Levi just dips

his heart couldnt handle the cuteness and he died, ladies and gentlemen

but for real he did pass out

Must be from all the blood on his head from the blush

But ah, he does get it, and after being showered with love from you, He kinda slowly got over his jealousy

its not immediate but with simple reassurances, you can manage to reel him in and have fun with you

He does end up enjoying the game cause he gets to spend time with you, and he gets to show off when events happen 

He also goes out of his way to memorize locations for materials for you, and when youre sick or busy, he pilots your account

true gamer

But ironically enough hed probably start simping for a character too and of course, you both start bonding over that, which just makes Levi absolutely happy

I wonder if hed simp for Barbara, she is an idol afterall like Ruri chan

Probably lowkey for now

Afterall she looks like a minor so-----

( I dunno i searched shes 16-18 lol )

But regardless, I can imagine you both just cosplaying each others fav characters too

Its a wack looking ship cosplay but yall just simp for each other cause of it, its pretty fun but the rest of the brothers just finds it hella weird

----

I only have energy for these 3 as always, Im sorry! But i promise Ill do the rest!! I hope you guys do enjoy, and Id love some feedback on the characters personalities cause I know they can be a bit Ooc, But feel free to send me an ask! Im pretty open lol 〜(￣△￣〜)

[sakurology]

How about an NSWF alphabet for Miya Osamu?

Hi Nonny! I hope you enjoy this- I know it was a long time coming but I had a lot of feelings and just wanted to make sure this was as perfect as could be 💖

NSFW Alphabet: Osamu Miya

gn!Reader focused

obvs nsfw under the cut... Let’s gooooo!

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

Ok, it’s not that you’re not going to get ANYTHING, but you’re not going to get a lot. He will definitely clean you up, hold you in his arms, and cover all the basics, but the man is also going to be napping so you have about 5 minutes of his absolute attention once you’re done. 

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

Is an ass/thighs man at his simplest. Will 100% also do the “let me get past you” thing where he holds your hips as he moves. 

Your favorite feature of his is his back/shoulders. They’re so broad, and watching him flex his back muscles makes you clench. Also- your phone’s home screen is definitely a picture of his back riddled in your scratch marks.

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

Likes to do so on/in/around your mouth. He has an oral fixation, bonus points if you do too tbh. If he isn’t going to cum on your face, he’ll definitely cum inside of you instead, stuffing his fingers into your mouth so that you can suck them. 

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

Would 10000% cuck his brother if given the opportunity. Just to see the color drain from his face. He’s kind of a shithead for that but at the same time, it’s not something he’s ever said out loud- so he’s chilling and just sitting on that.

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

He’s reserved, but I would say he has a decent amount of experience. He knows what to do, and he knows what he likes. I feel like he also is less experimental- preferring to stick to what he knows works for you both. He’ll try new things, but sparingly. 

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He likes to be ridden. He likes to have you on full display from all ends as you bounce on his cock. He can easily grip your waist and thrust you further down onto him, and loves watching you practically impale yourself on his length. Also likes to rub circles into your thighs or lower spread your asscheeks apart as he helps you keep a rhythm on his cock. 

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

He’s much more serious during, but afterward it’s very lighthearted. 

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

It’s neat. He doesn’t really trim much, but his hair isn’t super hard to manage, surprisingly. He’s not as hairy around his chest/torso either, but he does have a happy trail that he shaves fairly often, even though you think it would be nicer if he didn’t. 

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

He’s not conventionally romantic, but he does savor the moment with you. He likes to gaze into your eyes while he’s taking you, and will place soft kisses to your hairline and jaw when he’s getting close to finishing. 

Will murmur that you’re wonderful/amazing/beautiful, or whatever compliment comes to mind first when he’s finished with you and ready for his cuddles

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

He doesn’t much- honestly the frequency varies depending on his stress levels. When he does though, he’s the classic shower jerk off guy. It’s cleaner and honestly a lot quicker for him to finish that way. Definitely will be more aggressive when he’s more stressed as well, whether you’re there or not. He is a fan of mutual masturbation as foreplay. 

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

MARKING, loves leaving hickeys and bruises. He doesn’t care if anyone can see them, or how many you have by the time it’s over. He gets so entranced that he doesn’t realize how many he leaves behind Biting goes hand in hand with the marking- definitely has an oral fixation. 

Size, bc he’s so broad. He likes the feeling of being bigger than you because he feels like he’s your protector- but he also likes the feeling of stuffing your much tinier frame so full of his cock that you go stupid.

Dirty Talk, not super degrading dirty talk, but things like calling you “dirty” or “messy”- and especially “sloppy” really get him going. He also just likes to hear you beg for him, so he’ll egg you on and ask you if you like how deep he’s fucking you or if your tiny little hole can fit all of his cock inside. Again, size kink, so he loves calling you little/tiny. 

Temperature Play, specifically with the cold. Will eat ice prior to going down on you, or change the blistering hot water to icy cold when you’re having sex in the shower, just to see the shock on your face at the difference in sensation 

Sensory Deprivation, blindfolds? He said say less. He likes watching you writhe in anticipation as you feel him ghost touches and kisses all over your body. And it also drives you crazy waiting for him to strike- it usually leaves you begging for him to touch him. 

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Primarily bedroom only, but he has been known to have quickies in the restaurant with you after closing, and also loves getting road head. 

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Osamu likes to hear you. Likes to know what he’s making you feel good, and the moans you make encourage him to keep going. Definitely also motivated by begging. He’s a little smug, so it inflates his ego that you’re begging him to tear you apart- it’s the feeling of knowing that his cock makes you absolutely drunk and you’ll do anything for it. 

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

I don’t think he’s into food play! Not that he would NEVER do it, but it’s really not something he’s super into. Food is kind of his art form if that makes sense… it’s also work and he definitely seems like the type to try and keep his work separate from his personal life to an extent . But you have fucked in the restaurant at closing too many times to count.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

He’s very good with his mouth. He has an oral fixation so this comes naturally. He could go down on you forever if you let him, and he won’t stop even if his jaw locks up. If you’re going down on him, sometimes he will get a little ahead of himself and fuck your face just a little. Most of the time he catches himself and will apologize for not warning you first… most of the time. 

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

It differs! He personally loves the buildup of having a slow burning session, but there are times- especially when he’s frustrated, where he can just take it out on you. And when he does need you for stress relief, you should go ahead and cancel any plans you have for the next 2 days or so, because you’re not going to make it. 

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

He’s not fond of them, but he’s also not against them. For him, he’d rather use them as foreplay, or something to hold you both over until you’re alone and he can really have you the way he wants you.

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

Is into semi-public sex for sure. Things where he knows you won’t possibly get caught- but there’s that inkling of a chance that you could get caught are his favorite. He’ll also give in if you just can’t wait… but he really tries to restrain himself. It’s a little bit less so when he’s been drinking though- he’s much more likely to let you escalate things and will probably go as far as some clothed sex with you if it’s dark/crowded enough that no one will notice or see 

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Can go about 2 rounds max in a day,  but they’re long... When he says he wants to spend the day in bed, he means the whole day. Everything he does is about the sensuality of it all. He loves foreplay, it’s the perfect warmup to the main event for him. The main event itself... can go for hours tbh. He’s literally a slow burn loving bitch, but when you beg for him, he’ll waste no time absolutely destroying your walls. Needs a longer break in between rounds for snacks so he can keep his energy up. 

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

Not too fond of them. Prefers to get you off using his own body. But he’s not against things like silks to use as restraints, and he does own a flogger that he likes to drag along your body when you’re blindfolded. 

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

Osamu himself IS the tease. He’s always so calm and collected, even when you’re all over him, begging for him to bend you over and wreck you. It’s that calm and control in itself that’s a tease because you know that once he gives in, you and your insides are done for.

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

Not loud, but not quiet either. His voice literally goes an octave lower which is insane. He holds back his moans in the beginning, instead he pushes air out of his mouth and takes more sharp, hissing inhales. But when he’s close he’ll lean into your ear to spew absolute filth into it so that he can feel you clench around his cock and send him over the edge 

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

He has an Onlyfans but he makes sure his face is never in the camera. Camboy!Osamu is literally in their top 8% of creators and no one knows about it because he’s just that good at flying under the radar... but hey, that’s how he was able to afford the restaurant- so now he slings dick and onigiri. Win-Win. 

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

Isn’t as thick as Atsumu, but he is more veiny and honestly all around prettier. His dick is probably also a good 7 inches, but I feel like he’s a grower, so you’d be surprised at how much he’s really working with. He has a freckle on the shaft, which is very adorable and endearing. He has a pretty dick. Like, aesthetically beautiful... it’s much prettier than Atsumu’s- much neater/more cleaned up too.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

Never lets on just how much he wants you. He would rather have you come to him instead so he doesn’t look needy. But he wants to be balls deep in you practically all the time. He just is very prideful, so he’s going to wait for you to come to him- which… tbh you always do.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

Yeah, you have about 5 minutes after he cums to get anything out of him- bc he’s taking his ass to sleep. But that’s an advantage For you because he’s kinda delirious and will say yes to anything you ask him for… Is also a clingy sleeper so would definitely hold onto you and make you his little spoon.

Taglist Starseeds (check ur privacy settings if your url is in bold): @super-noya @crushzone @yumekosgamblingroom @boujiesav @onesingleravioli @ushijimasfarmhat @trouvelle @nekoma-hoe @right-shoe-jpg @makemealive @ukaic @nivky0-0 @animoozies @charmarsmith

[lesbianrobin]

hello em i have a request. can u please rate mr harrington's looks/outfits i just feel like u have the best takes and i'd LOVE to know how you'd rank his choices 👀

this is the single greatest ask i’ve ever received. i will be ranking the outfits, not steve’s moral alignment or actions in each scene. in order of appearance:

The Introduction

4/10

hair is tragic

steve copied this entire fit from a mannequin in the ralph lauren polo outlet store

would honestly be a 0/10 except for the obvious valiant effort being put forth by his lower half to resist the sexless curse of khaki pants. the devil (st costuming department) works hard but by god steve harrington (joe keery’s body) works harder

nice brown watch that certainly came from a department store

also gains points for being next to nancy’s anemic librarian fit, thus looking better by comparison

The Rich Bitch

8/10

thank god he ditched the khakis

hair looks much less demonic

it’s a simple look but the sweatshirt rides up when he shotguns the beer

he also gets wet

solid 8 for sluttiness alone

The Whore

10/10

wet

please note that his chest is waxed. keep this in mind.

The Heterosexual

2/10

hair looks like he dipped his head in glue

bold choice with the grey pants. unfortunately that choice was wrong

matching outfits with your comphet girlfriend isn’t as cute as you think it is stevie

you only get points because despite that ungodly pastel stripe pattern the polo’s decently fitted and makes your arm look kinda nice

The Dickhead

3/10

glue head pt. 2

at least the stripes aren’t pastel this time

The Cuck

6/10

hair slightly less glue-y

yet another striped polo is peeking out unfortunately

but! it’s green and green looks good on him

finally wearing jeans like a normal fucking human instead of weird slacks

pivotal moment in steve’s fashion evolution from preppy male model to sexy morally upright king

his morals are stored in the denim

The Final Girl

9/10

an outfit with a character arc to rival steve’s own

pretty fucking good hair if i do say so myself!!

it’s fluffy!

that shit looks like if you touched it it’d be soft... no glue here!

finally not copying from the goddamn l.l. bean catalog

iconic green slut sweatshirt? check! jacket and nikes? check! fucked-up gorgeous face and baseball bat full of rusty nails? check, baby!

looks good on its own OR with some blood on top

overall a very solid look

The Darling Little Drummer Boy

7/10

babe no... please don’t go back to the khakis... they won’t treat you like jeans do...

not quite glue head but not his best

apparently steve owns a single green sweatshirt, a thousand striped polos, and one very precious christmas sweater

almost makes up for prep-related khaki crimes by being really fucking cute

The Simp

8/10

glue head is DEAD

further evidence that steve harrington’s entire closet is just striped polos

this is his fifth unique striped polo

most of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

actually all of these points are for the sunglasses and the hair

he’s finally let go of the fucking pastels thank jesus

and you can’t see it but he did wear jeans with this fit i just forgot to make sure they were pictured and it’s 4:15 am so i don’t feel like going back to remake this collage

cannot tell if this is a lighter blue version of the jacket he wore three times in s1 or if it IS the jacket he wore three times in s1 and the color grading is just that different

either way he loves jackets and i think that’s very sexy of him

The Intellectual

9/10

i’ve been waiting for this one... turn it up!

literally invented vests

excellent hair

loses a point for unfortunately introducing steve’s SIXTH unique striped fucking polo

i can’t see the collar but i know it’s there i know you’re wearing another fucking polo steve you can’t hide from me

can’t decide if he looks gay or just really preppy but either way he’s got some repression going on

still a very solid look

The Oh No Oh God It Hurts I’m Looking Away I Can’t Watch This

10/10

yes that middle picture is absolutely to show off the texture of his blazer and not at all me making sure that if i have to see his heartbroken little face then you all do too

anyways i Know that blazer cost at least $100 like i Know that shit’s expensive

excellent gorgeous soft-looking hair that someone ought to run their hands through but only people who haven’t dated him for a year while pining after someone else

emotional devastation... but make it unbelievably fucking sexy

stevie baby i know you’re a colorful guy but please wear more black

The Meathead Jock

9/10

aw christ whatever happened to standards?

introduction of the blue nikes <3

god his hair looked fucking good here

could have gained that final point by using tube socks with blue and GREEN stripes to tie together the shoes and the gym uniform :/

shorts could be shorter but are an altogether appropriate and enjoyable length

fun sweatstain to customize the look <3

The (is there a word for victim of bullying?) Serious Athlete

8/10

the yellow stripe was more fun

still cute though

The Sudsy Boy

11/10

wet

suds indicate that he’s washing his hair, presumably with faberge organics. is this why he’s being bullied?

steve brings his faberge organics shampoo and conditioner and his farrah fawcett spray to school with him whenever he has basketball practice

steve either has shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray in his backpack at all times, or he has a separate gym bag that’s mostly haircare products

just need to make sure we all know that

excellent freckle showcase

his chest is still waxed. please, i beg, keep this in mind

one of his strongest looks

The Babysitter

10/10

his most versatile look to date

a different jacket than the one(s) he’s worn before but it still has the same kind of collar. steve found a jacket he liked and bought it in at least three colors

the whole thing fits So fucking nicely! shirt, jacket, jeans... baby boy is TAILORED

return of the white nikes with the red check indicate that they are his fashion nikes, while the blue nikes with the white check are his sport nikes. interesting.

this fit lasts like 48 hours and steve simply looks sexier as time goes on which is a testament to its quality as well as his inherent power

every new accessory elevates his appearance. roses, nail bat, rubber gloves, blood, sweat, band-aids, bandana, goggles... each element complements the look in its own way!

an overall win

The Chauffeur

8/10

we can’t really see the whole fit but he’s not wearing a striped polo so i’m calling it a win regardless of what’s on his bottom half

cannot give him a 10/10 though because he might be wearing khakis

red is such a nice color on him when it’s not just from his blood

i lied when i said he should wear more black he should wear more colors

that plain sweater absolutely cost $85 or more

hair looks very nice and soft

excellent look!

The Sailor Man

9/10

very precious

absolutely the best hair i’ve ever seen

baby boy got highlights for his hot girl summer!

bright colors make his very red lips pop

shorts could be shorter

love the little accents! especially the white pockets and belt

excellent color coordination on steve’s part with the blue sneakers (notably different than his s2 blue basketball nikes) and the red bruising/blood

i hope you remembered that steve’s chest was waxed. as you can see his chest is now unwaxed. some change between s2 and s3 drove this decision, presumably either his breakup with nancy or the fact that he no longer showers in front of other guys at school. up to your interpretation

shock blanket at the very end is a nice touch so we don’t forget he’s traumatized

The Drowned Rat/The Man Overboard

10/10

wet

shorts could be shorter

the decision to purchase and wear a hoodless raincoat is absolutely ridiculous and stupid

however it is also very steve harrington and i value self-expression

The Chick Magnet/The Flaming Homosexual

100/10

what can i even say about this fit?

the absolute best pants he’s worn thus far. amazing fit, excellent classic wash. i say this as a former american eagle outfitters associate and the winner of my freshman year dorm’s “best at folding jeans” award

manages to make blue jeans with a half-blue denim vest work effortlessly

bold primary colors make him stand out without being too gaudy

excellent pairing of t-shirt with simple stripes and vest with simple color blocking to create a complex yet cohesive and flattering look

simple brown belt gives the look a put-together yet down-to-earth vibe

hair has only gotten better

still wearing that same brown watch that he’s had since the introduction

this man looks like he waxes his chest

this is steve in his final form

thank you for your time

[hellyeahrpmemes]

※ JENNA MARBLES SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. XI ※

here’s sentences from jenna’s 10 most recent videos! feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! more jenna sentences

I COOK MY BOYFRIEND’S FAVORITE MEAL

“Is this a leisure suit?”

“This is my own, customized, personal leisure suit.”

“I’m pretty sure that you got that out of my closet.”

“I bought it today with your credit card.”

“She drank wine, demanded greatness, and I delivered.”

“I guess it’s only fair - you did all that cooking for me, now I’ll do it for you.”

“I’m looking forward to the fact that you’re not going to be in the kitchen.”

“I should’ve never made this video.”

“Thank you, this is actually helpful.”

“Get your beer off the cutting board.”

“This recipe really requires a lot of knife skills that I don’t have.”

“How many times have things caught on fire?”

“I like this encouragement.”

“Seven fucking hours later, I’m still cutting these carrots.”

“I didn’t do that with you… I mean, I did, a little bit.”

“You’re not banned from the kitchen, with no arms.”

“I mean, I’m not the most gifted chopper, but this is nice and even.”

“This isn’t really looking that right.”

“This is not dough whatsoever. This is just a bowl of flour.”

“People make dumplings for fun?”

“Don’t worry, all you have to do is individually, carefully craft them by hand.”

“You asked me what I wanted, and I told you.”

“I’m hungry. I want to spend the next seven hours making my food.”

“I feel like this is the kind of dish that would break me. Like, I’m gonna cry.”

“It’s crazy how quickly I can eat one of these.”

“You told me this was gonna work.”

“This doesn’t look good at all.”

“If this doesn’t work, I’m gonna cry, and we’re just gonna starve.”

“It’s so thicc with two Cs.”

“Wait, so you can do this without being fancy, because, do I look like a fancy person to you?”

“I don’t like dumplings anymore, I just decided I’m allergic to dumplings.”

“I wanna move on with my life… I wanna get excited about my life.”

“Don’t cry and sing Dr. Phil.”

“Whoever invented dumplings is a sick, bored fuck.”

“These better be the best dumplings you’ve ever had, because, let me tell you something, it’s not worth it.”

“What year is it…!?”

“Somebody’s gonna die today.”

“That was the best part of my day, right there.”

“This is a terrifying food.”

“This is a violent dish.”

“I feel like they’re too hot to eat… only one way to test it.”

“This was worth all the stress and fury you went through.”

“How did you eat that, that’s so hot…!?”

“Why are all your recipes dangerous? Does it make your food taste better if it’s kind of dangerous?”

“It’s getting everywhere, I don’t like this.”

“I swear to god, I don’t want to go to the hospital tonight.”

“I know you had to be patient today, which you’re not used to being.”

“There’s nothing comforting about cooking these. It’s just violent, and tense, and stressful.”

CUTTING AND COLORING MY OWN HAIR 2

“He should’ve learned his lesson the first time he left me.”

“I’m really having a great time only doing my own hair.”

“A semi-permanent isn’t really a commitment.”

“It’s like a low-commitment tattoo.”

“If this is truly semi-permanent, I can do this shit whenever I want.”

“Guess who doesn’t give a fuck about her hair? Me, bitch.”

“Does this part feel like Doritos? Yeah, it does, but it’s all part of the journey.”

“I have great technique, I’m a born natural, bitch.”

“Instead of wearing a dumpy shirt that I don’t care about, I’ll wear my favorite shirt so that it forces me to be careful.”

“We’re making a semi-commitment right now.”

“Fuck it, let’s go to the Dark Side.”

“Oh, I’m making it worse.”

“Listen to that, doesn’t it sound like hair care at it’s finest?”

“All you people that joke about not going outside enough and not getting enough sun, try me, bitch.”

“Oh, how did this happen?”

“Why do we even bother wearing gloves?”

“I’m excited to see just how semi-permanent this is.”

“I am second guessing my methods.”

“Give me your honest opinion. What do you think?”

“I didn’t just want this color on my hair. I wanted it all over my face, body, and neck.”

“This is kind of fucking rad.”

“I dyed my hair by myself, at home, alone.”

“It’s dark, it’s fun, I look like a superhero.”

“Don’t even bother with all this parting shit, just get in there and do it.”

“Should I just go full bang? Should I do it?”

“I’m trying to do the most efficient thing.”

“I look like my mom in, like, 1960.”

“I’m trying to get to the point in life where, someday, when my kids see pictures and videos of me, they’re like, who the fuck is that?”

“This might be one of my favorite looks.”

“Boy, who the fuck do you think did it?”

“Why do I feel like that’s not true?”

“You look so fucking cute.”

“It says semi-permanent, I feel like it’s low-commitment.”

“I’m such a big fan of it.”

“Yeah, just give me a score out of ten, be as brutal as you want.”

“We’re gonna do some research, we’ll be back.”

TAKING MY DOG TO MEET SANTA

“That’s a great way of getting kicked right out of the mall and being asked to never come back.”

“I’m really hoping that they let us do this.”

“I don’t think that they allow dogs in this mall.”

“It says no dogs here, but then you see, like, seventy people with their dogs.”

“That was so easy and painless.”

“Never use the words ‘cuck’ and ‘Santa’ in the same sentence ever again.”

“That was so adorable.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bug you guys.”

“Make sure you’re very kind and supportive of him.”

“I like magic and believing too.”

“The best part of snow globes is when Christmas is over you smash them on the ground.”

“Oh, fuck, here we go again.”

“The entire highway’s basically shut down.”

“The air quality is terrible - it sucks to go outside.”

“I spent $80 on this picture.”

RECREATING THE HAMSTER PICTURE

“You know what you’re signing up for, okay?”

“It’s not dumb, it needs to happen.”

“We are going to go rent a red convertible.”

“No, we’re not going to Tuscon.”

“Don’t tell anybody, but we’re faking this whole thing.”

“Alright, we’re fucked already.”

“No one has a fucking red convertible.”

“It’s weird, it’s like it’s not 1995 anymore.”

“You literally took like 100 pictures.”

“This is really stupid, but if we don’t do it, who’s gonna do it?”

“We tried and failed to rent a red convertible.”

“A sincere thank you for wasting your day.”

“We just wanted to make a meme.”

GIVING MYSELF TAPE IN HAIR EXTENSIONS

“I’ve used them, like, five times, tops.”

“It felt wrong, it looked wrong.”

“I feel like I’m missing out on the fun.”

“That sounds like the level of commitment I would like to make.”

“I want to ring in the new year looking like a snack.”

“I watched one tutorial on how to do it.”

“Should I really just go full-blown ‘I’m lost at the supermarket, can you please help me’?”

“We’re already off to a really mediocre start.”

“I hope that you brought a snack and have nothing to do today.”

“There’s no rules, right?”

“I legitimately don’t know how to part my hair.”

“Oh my god, what have I done?”

“Why are you laughing? Is it my scrunchie?”

“This is quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“If I was an alien, and I came to this planet, I feel like one of the things that I’d find absolutely hysterical is that we like to wear each other’s hair.”

“I’m in the middle of the hardest part, you’re such a fucking asshole.”

“Is that something I should’ve figured out beforehand?”

“We only have like seventy more.”

“Overall, it’s been kind of a nice experience.”

“It was hard. I tried my best. It was my first time.”

SHAVING MY FACE

“I’ve never done this before. Obviously.”

“I know my appearance is jarring.”

“It takes a lot of work to look this great.”

“You’re quite literally mixing up two of the most prominent X-Men right now.”

“Gambit throws playing cards. That’s it. That’s the end of Gambit.”

“I’m trying to shave my face, not get in an argument about Gambit.”

“He’s just a weird magician that was looking for a group of friends.”

“Do you wanna feel my face?”

“Wanna come over and watch me shave my face?”

“Your skin looks really good, it’s glowing.”

“Now I can do some violent shit to my face.”

“It said don’t shave your eyes, otherwise I would.”

“We’re getting ready, are you getting ready with me or not?”

“I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, but I put it on.”

“I feel like the payoff is amazing.”

“Why have you been hiding this secret from me?”

“I know this isn’t super duper exciting, but, for me, this is so exciting.”

MY DOGS MEET A CAT

“I ask Julien for a cat just about every day, and the answer is always no.”

“Our landlord won’t let us have any more animals.”

“No, what? That’s not part of this?”

“What this really is is just for you to get comfortable with a cat, and then like it, and then get me a cat.”

“That’s what today’s about.”

“I’m ready, I know you’re ready.”

“That’s the whole day today.”

“Stop making that face.”

“We’re not getting a cat, like, ever. No.”

“Getting a cat will help you be less of an Aries.”

“Sit wherever you wanna sit, do whatever you want.”

“That was a weird thing that you just did.”

“So… do you want to get one tomorrow, or… the day after?”

“I’m right here, and I have not agreed to anything.”

“Don’t pretend like you can’t hear me.”

“Who said that? Benjamin Franklin or Jesus?”

“I don’t know what’s going on.”

GIVING MYSELF A 90′S HAIR WRAP

“I’m shaving every time from here on out.”

“It’s basically a friendship bracelet on your hair.”

“You are much bolder than me, and do your thing.”

“Get you a man that pumps you up.”

“What camps did you go to when you were a kid?”

“Rules are made to be broken, sister.”

“Where are you going? Why are you leaving?”

“Are you calling me a preteen right now?”

“Oh, this is hard to do on yourself.”

“When you take a shower, this thing stays wet for fucking days.”

“On a scale of one to snack, how are you feeling?”

“We didn’t have lettermen jackets in seventh grade.”

“My first kiss was in seventh grade.”

“Do you know how hard it is to play clarinet with braces?”

“What the fuck is the big deal? This sucked. I hated it.”

“Oh, damn, you’ve been dating older girls for a while.”

“This takes me back so hard, wow.”

“No one please remind me that I fucked this up or else I’ll be very upset.”

“I feel like this a thing that twelve-year-olds and grandmas would be like, hell yeah.”

“That’s like buying a coloring book colored.”

“I have yet to do something that I really didn’t enjoy.”

“I worked hard on this for six minutes.”

“We’re not friends anymore.”

“In case you thought I was done here, though, you’d be incorrect.”

“She was my favorite singer in the 90’s, and then I graduated to Sarah McLaughlin.”

“First of all, this is a deadly fucking weapon.”

“Ow, don’t pull it, oh my god, don’t pull on it.”

MAKING TERRIBLE HOT GLUE CRAFTS

“I got, like, physically angry. I got hot in the face, and was kind of mad.”

“The things that people will do with a hot glue gun and call it a hack is just… beyond.”

“I cannot justify spending my time that way.”

“If anyone’s actually going to sit down and do these crafts, it’s going to be me.”

“Yeah, I’ve got some time to kill and some glue to waste.”

“Do you see my hands shaking already? Like, I’m tired. This is exhausting.”

“I’m a little confused as to why you’re spending this kind of money to glue yourself a pair of shoes that have holes in the bottoms.”

“I’m just gonna do it on my table because I’ve stopped giving a fuck.”

“I have strong, meaty arms which sometimes look fat in shirts.”

“I’m not trying to stifle anyone’s creativity, but this is a fucking waste of time.”

“I think this is a very loose definition of ‘shoes’.”

“I’m just sort of waiting for it to be over.”

“I’m just settling for blobby blob mess at this point, because I just don’t care.”

“This design is flawed.”

“They’re not structurally sound anywhere.”

“After a couple of seconds, it physically starts to hurt.”

“They’re not shoes at all, this is not okay.”

“This doesn’t feel good, and they don’t work.”

“I will never get this part of my life back.”

“No, you can’t do this, it’s not okay.”

“This is not a solution to any problem, this is a mess.”

“I don’t care about the rest of this paper, I’m not going to use it for anything.”

“I love my money. I love just taking it and dumping it in the toilet.”

“You could maybe wear this for fifteen minutes before it inevitably broke.”

“Just because you can make it, doesn’t mean you should.”

“This does not work, this does not work, this doesn’t work, okay, it’s working.”

“I’m trying my best, I’m not trying to fuck this up.”

“Does it look good? Does it look like tears and sadness?”

“I’m mad at myself. I can’t believe I’ve done this.”

“I really can’t handle another time like this. This is a dark time.”

“I did it, and I’m here to tell you it’s not worth it.”

“I feel sad on the inside, I don’t like it.”

“These are not life hacks. Do I look like someone whose life is better after doing this?”

“They don’t work and it pisses me off. This is a lie.”

“This is what happens when you leave. You can’t leave. You have to stay.”

“Does it look better like this? No — that’s worse. That’s worse, I’m sorry.”

MAKING OUR FAVORITE SOUP

“I’m just having one of those days when I just want to curl up under a blanket.”

“I’m sick.”

“I’m having a day where I’m not a person.”

“I’m so sorry, man, it’s just not in the cards for today.”

“I know you have days like this, too.”

“It doesn’t matter when you’re having a day like this.”

“I’m the best chef.”

“Just to be clear, you don’t want to go to the ER?”

“What’s going on with your pants?”

“I’m gonna go ahead and burn myself.”

“Maybe, instead of going out for a date right now, we can, when we sit down and have dinner, we can light a candle and hold hands the whole time we eat.”

“I’m large.”

“I’m gonna eat once now and once in two hours and it’s gonna be gone.”

“Do you think we have a tablespoon? Because I’m not going to the store.”

“Don’t listen to him, that is not true.”

“It’s really good, I burnt my tongue a little bit.”

“First of all, it’s amazing, second of all, it’s amazing, third of all… what?”

“Literally walking through the middle of TSA - that’s a bad time to have soup.”

[vacationcalendar]

8/13/21

Today’s creative project, an private letter (it could have been an open letter, but who the hell is reading this besides myself and maybe the person receiving it) to Voyboy. He’s been in a rough place mentally/emotionally. He’s had some deaths in his family which is never easy, and his attempt to de-platform a twitch streamer with a known history of sexual abuse has earned him undue (and as is sadly routine, SEVERE) ire from fans of said streamer. 

It’s so weird, there’s obviously people who are like, “I’m not getting involved. I don’t care enough to inform myself well enough to have an opinion.” And those people are also split into camps that either approve or disapprove of “rocking the boat” as it were. Some people think this level of calling-out is too incendiary for the offense. Some people find the subject uncomfortable and wish it would go away, with the unfortunate default to that view being an acquiescence of justice for the accused.

And some people are also hung up on the justice part in particular. This entire affair is being conducted in the infamous “Court of Public Opinion.” A forum that has been dragged out MUCH more frequently in this modern age than in history. That fact alone upsets people. Hell, it’s bothered me in the past. I see the Court of Public Opinion make a ruling, and I think, “I didn’t elect this Judge, I did not approve this jury, there is no precedent here!”

It does feel like things are moving fast. They are. Dan Harmon said in an interview earlier this month, “Progress isn’t a scalpel, it’s an avalanche.” And he welcomed it. We should be welcoming progress. Even if it’s messy. Some might say “especially if it’s messy!” I don’t know who is saying that, but I feel in my gut someone on twitter would say that and get 80.3k likes. I know my Twitter.

I digress. Some people are of the view that they can’t be the judge. Leave it up to the real judges and let me just do whatever it was that I was going to do, please. So when Voyboy does all this work to put a spotlight on this problem, people see him handing them a pitchfork and come help him kill The Beast. And some people balk at that. Some people shy away, and just stay inside (this is mostly me, I’ll admit. The inside people go, “I didn’t watch that guy anyway, this is all fine with me! Now please leave me alone”). And some say, “Hey man, I’m opposed to violence, and by the way, the Beast is a really chill guy if you ever got to know him. In fact, people like you who are so quick to hand out pitchforks to make yourself look like some noble saint are actually pieces of shit!” And then a bunch of that guy’s friend go “Yeah, he is a piece of shit!” because that’s how bullying works. And then the bullies spend all day trapped in their miserable bodies, stuck in their miserable lives. And they go on Twitch and watch their friend stream to them, and their friend makes them feel wanted for once in their shit existence. And then later they’re on twitter and see Voyboy say something about how your friend’s an abusive monster and needs to see justice, and you KNOW that it’s all bullshit, and Voyboy just trying to get points with his girlfriend or something, he doesn’t care at all. What an asshole. Fuck him. Fuck this loser. I should reply to him, since it’s the easiest thing in the world for anyone to do. And generally people don’t follow people they hate like this, so that would limit this extremely toxic interaction, but Voyboy is followed by all the LoL streamers, so people that follow league generally hear from all the content creator’s in the community. And maybe they’re streamer friend mentioned that Voyboy was a fake ass cuck or whatever on stream and told his followers to go check out the shit he was spewing. 

So Voyboy says grooming is unacceptable and disgusting, sexting teens is deplorable. And we as a modern community don’t need to hear him beat a rap sheet like that in court to act, because we as a community have the power to shape it how we see fit. And under that tweet is 100 replies saying that he’s a piece of shit and should die.

And then the uninformed masses see that and go, “why is Voyboy a piece of shit?? What am I missing?” And then they see Voyboy tweet something like “this is really hard, these guys are out to get me but I won’t back down.” And if you’re like me you think, “Oh I’ve never supported this kind of drama in my life. This is boring at best and uncomfortable at worst. Let’s all stop (aka bail)!” And then Voyboy goes “I won’t!” And then everyone level-headed and sane goes “boo, I’m bored, knock this off!” And everyone that is now LIVING for this bullying. I mean, what a payout. You bully this dude every day and he feeds you attention every time? This rules! So the detractors get WORSE and the supporters settle down. And Voyboy has now learned the harsh truth of social justice. It just beats you down. Everyone’s in this game for themselves; the moment you set aside your own interest to help someone else out, you are instantly and forever outnumbered. And the whole time you’re just like, “what the fuck is so hard about this? I am proposing an objectively good idea that would make everyone happier! I only even started trying to say something because I knew I was right! This is like getting fired for hitting a home run!”

I’m learning, and I should say digesting maybe, more about power this year than I have in a long time. It’s the answer to a lot of equations that don’t add up under my current philosophies. Like if everything I think is true, then was does X Y and Z still happen? Why do I feel like ____? The answer is something to do with power. And I’m starting to figure out what that is. Ha, I think part of me is a little ashamed it’s taking this long, I guess. Like, I’M learning it, but it’s been learnt. I’m catching up. But that’s ok. That’s literally all I’m doing. Catching up. Keeping up. I’m not even trying to do something once I’m caught up. I just don’t think there’s any other place to be. Well, I mean, I would truly hate to write something that got read that was just plain not-caught-up. Something that would make a reader go, “hey, doesn’t he know better?” I SHOULD. That’s literally the goal.

Anyways, I’ve lost my train of thought, and need a bathroom break. Here’s the letter I sent to Voyboy, to try and help him through all this. Talk to you tomorrow love ;) : Hey Voy I hope you are doing better, and I hope you get a chance to read this. I started League of Legends back in Season 1 when I was in college. I remember the first time I heard of you, you were one the few people ahead of HotshotGG in the rankings, and I remember thinking, "what the hell, how did this kid get so lucky?!" lol. Then I got to see you play with RS, and mostly thought you were lucky again to be getting carried by Scarra 🤣 I'm sorry! By the time you joined CLG I finally caught wise. You became one of my all-time favorite players on the scene. Your Olaf looked like a cheat code, I swear to god. I love League of Legends so much, and back in college I spent almost every waking minute thinking about it. It was one of my great passions. And at that time I was struggling to find anything else I was truly passionate about. I got depressed in college, and by that point I had realized my goal of being an engineer wasn't something I actually cared about. So I dropped out. I was in a truly dark place. I felt like life had left me behind and that I was worthless. I still had League, but League couldn't give me what I needed. I have this distinct memory from one of my last games in Season 4 where some Ranked Soloqueue bs was making my blood boil out of my body. I literally had to stand up and walk around outside after the game. I was pissed, but I knew the real reason was because I just wasn't good enough. That was the moment I realized I was never going to get to walk the path of Voyboy or Doublelift, I was not going to be one of the great ones that League would pick up and give them an opportunity to do something great. I would need to find something of my own.

After that League stopped being as fun for me. I knew I had to do something else with my life and League was only holding me back. All my friends I knew through League started to feel less like my friends. So I quit. After almost 4 years nonstop. And the years after that only looked worse. I was still depressed, still struggling desperately to find my way, and now the thing that brought me the most joy in the world was long gone from my life.

Five years went by and over that time I moved, got a real job, and somehow became a real adult. Life was still hard work, but I was now ready for it. I bought myself a real gaming computer after using crummy laptops my entire life. And once I realized I could finally see LoL at something other than the lowest graphics setting, I decided to download it again. I don't need to tell you that coming back 5 years away made League feel like a completely new game. I might as well have been playing Dota for all I knew. And I felt terrible. I felt like the person that used to play this game was dead; I had no memory left in my fingers. "Well, it was worth a shot," I said.

And then I found your videos on youtube. "Hey I know him!" After just two games, it all came rushing back to me. Your games, your stream reignited my love for League of Legends. And now I'm healthier. Now I can play for a bit and return to a life I that I care equally about. I learned how to love League AND love myself; and the entire time, you were there. The Kid, with his million-watt smile, raising the bar.

I can't say I see the exact same circumstances with what you've been going through lately. I just know what that cloud can feel like. And maybe it's similar, feeling like League and the other parts of your life are at odds with each other right now. And the further away the game gets, the more you see the cracks appear. Hateful kids and useless trolls come to this game not for the experience, but to talk crap and feed their ego. It's so sad that our society still needs to work so hard to treat sexual abuse with the weight that it deserves. But I think because of that, it only highlights that you're doing work that's worth doing.

I don't know what you're planning on doing next, but no matter what it is, I'll support you. I don't know what it's worth, but you're genuinely one of my favorite people. You're worthy of love, you're worthy of happiness. You've worked hard, you've put your heart into making League of Legends a community something to be proud of. I've seen it time and time again. And it won't be for nothing, I swear.

Cya nerd, be well. Thanks

[mafiabosstsuna]

How would Hibari, Tsuna and Yamamoto react to so with a very temperamental personality (imagine Gokudera before he met Tsuna) who is only sweet to a guy friend (making the boys very jealous)

Hibari • Hibari is not really going to mind your being a bit temperamental, with some conditions. If you often get angry at him or argue with him, if you get really loud when he just wants quiet, then the two of you are going to run into problems. And if you don’t fix it when he asks you to, then he will drop you. Cause no matter how much he loves you he is not in the mood for fighting with you all the time, he wants to have a nice relationship with his s/o and this just won’t do. • If you don’t do that, and your moods are aimed at others and not him, you’ll get along fine. He actually thinks it’s really cute when you get angry and blow up at other people when they’re treating you badly or being rude. He just loves seeing you stick up for yourself. • But you being really sweet to just this one guy is insanely aggravating. He won’t outright say how angry he is, but he’ll scowl and ask you what you could possibly see in that herbivore. And no matter what it is you answer with he’ll be visibly angry about it but won’t say anything and just storm off. So you know he’s upset, and you should probably do something about it, but you don’t. • He will threaten the hell out of the guy. Make sure he’s around when you’re with him, constantly give him death glares, just all around make it known that your boyfriend is an angry son of a bitch and he better back the fuck off. He won’t say anything when you’re around, but the moment you leave to get a drink or take a piss and he will make sure the guy knows he can and will fucking destroy him if he keeps being all buddy-buddy with you. • Basically, get out of my girlfriend’s life or yours will be hell.• And he does not care how great of friends you are or how much you like the guy, the way he sees it this is your fault anyway since you decided to be all nice and sweet to just this one guy. If you just treated him like you treated everyone else, you could still be friends with him, but you had to go and be weird. • And your precious friend will definitely back off and you’ll start seeing him less and less till he stops returning your texts completely and Hibari will be like oh, so sad, sorry he’s such a cuck, I know how much you liked him. But he knows what he did. And he’s damn proud of it. • Basically, you are his and he’s kept what’s his safe from rival predators coming to take his mate away.

Tsuna• Tsuna finds your personality hilarious and he loves it. Although this is probably going to be a thing for all of them, but only so long as your temperamental-ness (is that a word??) isn’t aimed at him. He is the Vongola Decimo and he needs an obedient, pretty wife. But he likes you being feisty, likes you yelling and talking back to people who disrespect you. He even teaches you the basics of fighting so you can punch and beat up anyone that gets on your nerves. But the moment you aim that fury at him, you’re in trouble. You do not get a pass just because you’re his s/o, and you /will/ not disrespect him, and especially not in front of others. He will have to teach you your manners, and not in the fun and kinky way. • Tsuna is totally not for that whole being sweet to a guy friend. You should be sweet to him and him alone, or if not that you should be sweet to literally everyone you come into contact with. Not just one person that’s supposed to be just a friend anyway. Like, he knows you’re attracted to guys, you’re dating him after all! So you shouldn’t be acting like that towards another guy. Even if he thinks he knows you won’t cheat on him, that you do love him, he’s not for it. Fuck that. Not only does it piss him off its definitely not good for his reputation that his s/o is more sweet to a random dude than himself. • He will tell you, straight up, to knock it off. You shouldn’t be acting like that when you have him. And he will go on to say he doesn’t want you seeing this person anymore at all. You have other friends and you have him so it shouldn’t be an issue to drop one person out of your life. • But with your temperamental personality, it doesn’t go well. You argue with him, tell him he can’t make you do anything and you can hang out with anyone you want, and when you see that look on his face that says his anger is rising past an okay level you will just leave and let him simmer down. But you aren’t going to back off on this, and will continue hanging out with them. • You hoped that Tsuna will have mellowed out about all this, but he really hasn’t. When you finally come back home he will smile that deadly smile that says you fucked up, and he will grab your chin roughly and force you to meet his eyes and say “You’re really going to wish you’d have listened to me, _______.” Before he just up and stalks off, leaving you to wonder what in the world he’s planning. • He is 100% dead. And it was 100% your fault (at least, that’s how Tsuna thinks). He would’ve let him go, let him live his life, if you hadn’t insisted that there was nothing wrong and you should be able to do what you want and he should trust you and that you would remain faithful. Cause of course he couldn’t believe that with how close you and this friend were? • Tsuna will act like he didn’t do anything even though he knows you both know that he did. If you bring it up he will push it aside and say he didn’t do anything and who cares anyway?

Yamamoto• Yamamoto honestly doesn’t care so much about you being really sweet and friendly with just one guy friend. He trusts you to remain faithful, and though he doesn’t like how you act towards them he also doesn’t want to police your life and be really possessive. He just doesn’t think it’s right to tell you who you can and can’t hang out with. It’s rude and you’re your own person and shouldn’t have to drop people you like and enjoy spending time with just to please your girlfriend/boyfriend. He wouldn’t like you to do it to him, so he won’t do it to you.• But at the same time it does make him uncomfortable and a bit sad honestly so he will talk to you about it as kindly as he can. Well, he won’t ever say it plainly. Nor will he want to have a really long conversation about it. He’ll just make it clear that hey, I don’t like how you act around this person, it makes me upset, and I’m your boyfriend so I’d like you to not act so lovey around someone that isn’t me. • If you don’t really listen to him or just wave away his complaints he will be even more upset. You’re his s/o so he feels pretty betrayed that you’d just not care at all about his own feelings. He’ll feel like you just aren’t taking him seriously or that you don’t care about him. And you should be taking him seriously. You should be caring about him. • This’ll lead to arguments. He gets kind of testy with you after this, and not just about the whole guy friend thing. In fact, your arguments are never about him. Yamamoto just gets angry about a lot of things you do that previously didn’t bother him, all stemming from you originally brushing aside his complaints about the guy. He felt like you were treating him like a little kid. And he doesn’t like that. • Honestly, Yamamoto doesn’t do well with a temperamental s/o period. He’s a nice, calm person, he doesn’t like you being like that. Cause the thing is, when it’s a friend that’s like that, it’s different. He can handle it, he doesn’t have to go home to it, and it’s kind of funny when they get really angry when he’s just messing around. But a romantic partner? He doesn’t enjoy it. He doesn’t like it. He’ll be constantly trying to help you get out of that, to not be so temperamental. • If things get really bad, if you continue to be really sweet towards the one guy friend, he’s not going to do anything to the guy. Not the guys fault, it’s your fault, and he’s tried to do something about it but apparently you don’t want to listen. He’ll just see it as like, wow, I’m glad this happened, I got to see who you really are, and that’s someone that doesn’t care about me at all. And he will, very likely, just break up with you. No chance for apologies or forgiveness, he doesn’t want to hear it. You are gone. Out. Sorry, but the way he sees it now, it was going to happen eventually. • If you do listen to him, if you back off on being so sweet to that guy with just him mentioning he didn’t like it, you’ll likely go on just fine. You’ll stay together, have your issues here and there, but get through it. But if not, it’s just not something he’s going to push. He won’t go out of his way to make you remember why you’re dating him and not the other guy in the first place. If the situation was a bit different, he probably would, but with the way it all turned out, no. He just doesn’t want to deal with it.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW12

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

No guest slacker this week sorry I forgot to do it yesterday.. fuckin’ Friday deadlines...

And if you missed it for subscribers Friday My Life episode came out last night!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: CHO

IN: Hayden

Passive cuck mode has been engaged and I'm floating my other transfer instead of hitting Vardy in.

I was quite close to fucking the world and bringing in Ozil and Wilf, but as I lay in bed looking at my team with these two beauties in it, I remembered that while fun is fun, getting green arrows is really the most fun. And so I'm going to trust the process, be disciplined like a good little boy, and try to make pod partner proud.

GK:

Pope (WHU)

Pope....again....blech.

Short leash for this poopyhead. Couple good fixtures but who knows if that even matters at this point. Praying..and biding time to turn him into Hendo or Gaz.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (avl)

Trent and R0bbo with a rough one this Sunday but as we know always shouts for attacking returns. Feels good to have held them throughout the season as they've been quietly trickling in and the law of averages demand cleans are near.

Lundstram (tot)

Pointstram has a rough on paper fixture but he seems still like an ok start. Spurs struggle against buses so who knows what will come.

Rico (new)

Starting Rico for the first time in last couple gameweeks with his cleans stuck first spot on my bench...so we all know how that goes. 1 pointer incoming up the geordies.

MID:

Salah (MCI) and Sterling and De Bruyne (liv)

Sticking with the big lads Mo, Raz and Kevin. Dunno what will come to pass in this tie of giants but generally speaking I am going to hold the City guys and see where the chips fall.

Mount (CRY)

Mount remains with the somewhat good signs to his recovery and starting this weekend against Palace. It will be his byebye game in my team while he turns into a bag of coin to fund Vardy next week.

FWD:

Abraham (CRY)

Tammy has been a good lad since getting him in not much to see there. Seems like a pretty steady hold for a while as long as he's fit.

Pukki (WAT)

I can't even believe I have to type his name again..but I still have Pukki. I hope he just avoids a yellow and gets me 2 points. Kill for it.

CAP:

Salah (MCI)

Back to Mo. Time for Mo to cometh and dongeth.

I'm going to probably stick cap on him for a little spell here after the IB as well with their good fixtures. Don't really have a good feel for this game but with Mo on pens and Bravo in goal idk whatever the fuck.

Get in Mo.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

Saving because I’m being indecisive and scared and passive and don’t really know what to do?

The moves that have sounded best in a week of tinkering involve turning Kelly and probably Lowton into Trent/Robbo but I wouldn’t want to do that this week anyway with City rolling up so maybe that’s where I’ll start going next week.

TBD.

I had an extremely hard time figuring out my 11 this week and like Walsh kept reminding me on the pod and on Friday My Life and over text - I will bench points this week 100% so I guess whatever yolo here we go.

GK:

Gazzaniga (SHU)

Gaz in a good clean fixture this really should be a clean for Spurs even though they’re kind of bad they’ve been tight at home.

And for as good as SHU have been they’re still a mostly pretty conservative and bad attacking side. 

DEF:

Lundstram (tot)

I went on my rant on the pod on how good Lundy’s attacking stats are and all that shit and then add in SHU’s defensive fortitude and this guy is just never getting benched by me again this season.

0-0 would serve me well with Gaz.

Tomori (CRY)

Legitimately a clean banker but also I don’t trust Chelsea to make it easy.

Palace will have at least a couple of big chances through probably errors from Zouma/Tomori/Kepa/Azpi and I just have to hope that they don’t convert’em.

Söyüncü (ARS)

Leicester are still putting up absolutely fantastic defensive numbers and listen, Arsenal will not be an easy clean, but there’s also the chance that Brodge just plays like four defensive midfielders who park and in those matches where he’s done that they’ve been very tough to breakdown.

And Arsenal aren’t exactly lighting the world on fire.

A clean seems totally possible to me.

MID:

Salah (MCI)

Obvs fit Mo gets in there.

Sterling and De Bruyne (liv)

Obvs the fit city guys get in there.

Hudson-Odoi (CRY)

Last second change bringing in CHO for Lowton. Lambs change. Felt it while typing out why I’m starting Lowton and changed it.

It’s a complete gut feel here but fuck man we know Palace are gonna be parked, we know the minutes in Willian’s legs and Puli’s legs, and we know that CHO isn’t gonna be completely bombed out... It’s time for a CHO start against the bus, he’s the perfect player to be dancing and taking people on in the box to break down Palace... Come on Frank!!!

Chelsea supporters seems pretty 50/50 split on whether he starts or not but really I don’t expect a Lowton clean anyway so the floor difference in points is nothing while on the other side of things if CHO starts the ceiling is absolutely in the double digits... Going with the gut feel and the ceiling play here.

Praying for the CHO start so fucking hard.

FWD:

Vardy (ARS)

Glad to have the key man in Vards for the long haul.

Don’t expect a ton of goals flying in at home to Arsenal but he’ll get his one or two chances and honestly probably convert at least one.

Abraham (CRY)

Tammy still putting up elite striker numbers as he has done basically all season. What a guy. Love him.

Palace are tough to break down but I back this Chelsea team to put up good attacking numbers week in week out and Tammy is at the center of it all.

Pukki (WAT)

Hey at least it’s a home match? An absolute piss take that we’re both still owning and starting Pukki but life is hard... ok?

Watford have been keeping it tight lately but also they have to begin to try and pickup points at some point in the season or they’ll be relegated by January... Norwich similarly should be going for this one at home and while Pukki and Norwich are complete garbage I actually think he might get a goal... Lol at me...

Woke up this morning with a text from Walsh that said, “There is nothing that would make me happier in life today than if Pukki got an assist. One time Finnish cunt,” and so yeah that’s where we’re both at at this point in our lives. Fuck.

CAP:

Abraham (CRY)

Been on him all week, haven’t really wavered at all. Do not like the Vardy cap nearly as much but I guess I’m alone there?

As Walsh has been saying all season there are more 4-0s and 5-0s to come for this Palace side and I’m hoping that this week is one of those... Chelsea and Tammy and CHO for a festival of dongs come on boys let’s go.

[thebuniperspective-blog]

The First Blog, Wherein I Come Out As Queer & Dunno How Long Titles On Tumblr Should Be: I Had a Weird Week

Hi, I’m Michael Bennett producer of The (Bunny) Buni Perspective! and I had a bad week. Kinda of an amazing week. And here I am, talking about things I’m now no longer embarrassed to disclose.

I’m going to talk about the week in sections as they come to me, so this might jump around a little, but it ends with Bunny Bennett and a promise to see you tomorrow.

Warning frank discussion of sex, pot and LSD use and cursing you fucking dumbshits. I promise not to be too gross.

I Joined, Figured Out, and Then Deleted Grindr, In One Single Day.

Pause for applause.

Grinder is not for highly specific queers. The title queer is feeling like the correctt word for me, as it also means weird. . So I’m polly, so far I’m deeply in love with two girls. I’ll be writing more about Heather and Meghan in the next few blogs. Promise girls.

I’m turned on by femininity. Not just sexually, feminine things were the bane of my childhood and now they draw me in. To make this simple my ideal girl, in pop culture for many, many reasons, is some variation of:

  ...35 and inserting gifs that make you blush...shame....

The thing is, I have for years been drawn to femboys and just shoved the feeling down. I can see the first guy I wanted to ask on a date vividly in my mind. I have a really hard time explaining it, but if Pearl were a boy, he’d be my dream guy. 

I’m also polly, so on the Internet I’m a ‘faggot cuck’

I promise tomorrow I will discuss the polly aspect of my sexuality in ore detail, for now just know I’m just complicated. 

Ok so, how do I convay any of that on Grindr? I can’t. I want to have a conversation. You cannot say that because it starts ‘hey’ then it’s just dick pics or boring, predictable bullshit.

I had a big realization. I’m a fucking jerk. I’ve been chatting online for decades and have treated the majority as badly as these guys treated me. Not that I sent dick pics, but if they didn’t do what I wanted I wasn’t nice or polite. Often I wouldn’t read their info well. I dunno. I felt pretty bad being ignored and hit on cause apparently I’m adorable?

...fat piece of shit.

The REALLY cute girls on grindr were a minimum 100 miles away. None want to do a long distant thing, which is really what I want right now. And frankly the guys I want to meet are girls. And I know I’m queer because the other day I said, ‘That cock is adorable’ and that is not what a straight man says. 

I feel a lot better saying all that. Let’s talk about my favorite game I need to quit.

I Can Spot A Catfish A Mile Away After Two Full Days Of Talking Out Loud

I was playing League and I out of no where got a friend request. I take all of these, usually remembering them from a recent game. Not this time. First thing ‘she’ said was “I always get call a catfish” DOT DOT DOT

This ‘girl’ played well, we chatted in game, ‘she’ was REALLY flirty and I bought ‘her’ many skins in game, maybe 50$ worth? Can’t remember for my embarrassment's sake. I begged this person to talk to me face to face on skype and they made it into a fight every time. So I cut it off.

This happened to me recently. This person refused to talk to me while we played games (me out loud into my headset, and ‘she’ replying in chat). Every hour I begged this person to talk to me in anyway. At first they told me they only spoke Japanese and ‘she’ was embarrassed about the language, ‘she’ understood me too well for that, think I literally said, ‘What are you Chewbacca?’

I basically just talked. They replied and were REALLY needy. I mentioned skins at last and they changed how they talked a lot but then suddenly, this person couldn’t talked to me because of childhood tongue biting induced tongue paralysis. Also their name was Soka Hui? Apparently?

They told me their family was massacred. Like RECENTLY. So I looked it up:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-wolf-family-murders-north-dakotas-most-brutal_us_57fbe48ae4b0b665ad818798

That’s scary tho if that person recorded me.

I Fell in Love With a Guy

I did not want to. I could hear the mocking voices of my brothers from my childhood, the ghosts of my high school, the word ‘faggot’ as anything but gross, not something that turned me on. Not something I whispered to a guy, begging me to...he didn’t love me. He sounded really fucking pretty when he said I love you. He said my name so beautifully the echo of it makes me cry as I write this now. 

I would have called him a fucking faggot in 1997 and been angry. Might have gotten violent.

Now I wish Dexter would just say anything, perched in my lap and...

Well it’s stupid to dwell on things. I learned a lesson. The lesson here is ‘you can’t win, but always try.’ 

Here’s why: I did everything right, this is how Meghan and I began. Dexter and I have talked on and off for months. For about 8...maybe a year. Dexter was my dirty little secret. 

He called me and moaned and we...you know whatever, but always behind Heather’s back (she knows now). I hated to admit that guy was really...

Well he got a hold of me at the beginning of the week.

He told me that he wanted me to make love to him, say ‘I love you’ to me on his boyfriend’s bed. I took this too mean he wanted me to be in love so...we talked. 

We talked for an hour and I was so in love. He was interesting and funny. He had comedy bits memorized. He loves Star Wars.I wanted to keep talking. I thought we’d at lest text later.

I wanted to Love Star Wars with him. I wanted to meet him and do whatever he wanted. He cut off the call...I should have known an hour was kind of short compared to girls I had talked to in the past.

I didn’t hear from him for 3 days.

I had all this confused love in me. I barfed it all up. He was masturbating. Trying to get me to talk about sex and I was stammering and nervous and near crying. I told he was my first guy...the guy I was in love with, for real and he cut me off. There was a really hard to describe, painful, awkward silence. 

I flashed back to all the folder of evidence I had that he loved me, the saw the mountain of facts that said he was just getting off to me using him. Or...something. We haven’t spoken since.

I told him ‘I have a lot of cosplay ideas’ and he laughed.

He said he had to go and I said ok. He said ‘Talk to y-’ but I hung up and threw the phone. Cried. Last my game of League. Told Heather and Meghan. Cried in the shower.

I told Meghan and Heather about this guy throughout the three days he went silent. Meghan has a number of really hot ideas involving some third male person. Heather is asexual but really really like the idea of live yaoi.

Dexy...Dexter hurt me, really badly. I tried anything for a few days to distract myself, the catfish, grindr, other guys I know from chat rooms. I over bared myself to them when I could just do that here and link it.

That leads me to:

If We Got Married No One Would Have to Change Their Last Names, Cartoonist Who Draws Like Me, Puppeteer Who Made a Way Better Puppet Than Me and I Love It and Other Reason Why I Might Be In Love With Isabella Bunny Bennett

A long time ago. And right now I’m pausing to see if I can find the thing...

Ok as far as I know it’s gone? Maybe I can get it from Linkara’s title card artist.

He and I interviewed Isabella back when she in the long ago times and it was one of the all time best conversations I had ever had in my life. She is bright and funny and clever and i’m crying again, what the...Ok I came back in twenty minutes later to fix this mess. I did start crying a little. It’s hard to remember it all but Bunny was so natural, we finished each other’s thoughts. I really wanted to talk forever. She’s so...shit literally crying...

This was a very long time ago, John was still in the band.I lost track and my internet presence took a nose dive. That will get many blogs.

Her twitter posts recently (Sept’17) are really lining up with how I feel.The normal places I thought I could meet someone online, are failing me. It’s frustrating, but I can do one thing at least. Flirt with Isabella. I flirt with art:

I got no context for this guy at the bottom...he didn’t get my context clearly.

Anyway

...

.....

...in the song Burning in the Stratosphere she makes a kissy noise and says...’I love you’ but at the beginning in a near whisper...chills. I wasn’t expecting it, really hadn’t visited the album it’s on til tonight.

I hope to talk more about Isabella in the future. I’m a chaos magician, so it’s likely to happen.

[thatbookcritic]

+α no Tachiichi

Title: +α no Tachiichi

Media: Manga

Author: Yuu Geni

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

The Review:

Howdy folks! Kai here, back with another review for you all! This time, I’ll be reviewing a manga that I honest to god hate and I think it’s a piece of garbage. It truly is a waste of time and I’m only really reviewing this in hopes that I spare all of you guys, our lovely followers, the time and effort in reading it. Now… I’m sure you are all curious as to what this manga is all about. So… let me tell you then.

+α no Tachiichi is another classic example of every other isekai manga. Our protagonist, Satoki Houma, is your typical Japanese high school student who was suddenly transported to another world with her classmate, Haruka Toudou. As expected, the priestess summon them because they were looking for the holy maiden who would save the world from the forces of evil! Just by a glance, the priestess automatically assume that Haruka was the holy maiden because Haruka is a cutie while Satoki is supposedly ugly af. In an odd twist of fate though, it seems like Satoki has the holy maiden powers! Not Haruka! What will our protagonist, Satoki to do?!

Well… if you were guess “prove everyone wrong”, “vengeance”, or “save the day”, then you are very wrong. The correct answer is “Nothing a normal person would do!” As we already established, Japanese heroines are nothing normal. They may look human but they don’t think like humans. And Satoki is no exception to the rule. After being sidelined by everyone in the entire kingdom, tossed around like an object, and overall be treated rather poorly compared to Haruka, Satoki still decided to help Haruka in the end by doing this whole complicated act of pretending Haruka is the holy maiden while Satoki is hiding in the shadow. The reason why Satoki is doing this? A) Because Haruka treated Satoki nicely for ONE time by defending her against the big ol’ meanie knight (but we all know that was a romance flag for Haruka and the knight… basically turning Satoki into an object yet again) and B) Satoki doesn’t believe that she could be a proper holy maiden because she isn’t pretty enough. First of all… WHAT?! These are such stupid reasons that it makes me wonder if Satoki was dropped on her head as a baby. It’s the only possible explanation as to why Satoki stupidly believe in such bullshit. Let’s break down these reasons.

First, Haruka being nice to Satoki is really fucked if you look at it from a different angle. For one, Haruka was only nice to Satoki only once throughout the entire manga. It was basically just so the hot tsundere knight would go, “Oh doki doki. This Haruka girl is different from the rest! She treats both the ugly and pretty the same! What is this feeling!” And yeah yeah, y’all can argue that Haruka never intended that but that’s what the author intended. Satoki was nothing more than a plot device for Haruka’s reverse harem. After that, Haruka just sort of tossed Satoki away to enjoy her little harem and the shower of affections she recieves for being pretty. While Satoki is concern for Haruka’s well being and coming up with all sort of plans to make sure that Haruka’s image doesn’t crumble, Haruka here (who promised to watch out for Satoki might I add) is off dicking around like it’s summer vacation. It’s like Haruka forgets that Satoki even exist and hardly bother to come asking if Satoki is fine or if people are treating her well. Instead, Haruka only seems to remember that Satoki is a person when Haruka needs that “generic best friend side character” to run off to and gush about all her own personal drama and ask who she should chose in her bland love triangle. Like damn bitch, Haruka reminds me of every fake friend in a group. Yet Satoki just eats this shit up, my dudes. Despite being clearly treated as a lamp, this just drives Satoki forward in wanting to “protect her friend!” Being a reader, you just feel so bad for Satoki as you read the two girl’s interactions and how Haruka basically forces Satoki to be a cuck. Oh, did a mention that Satoki is basically a cuck? Besides clearly not receiving any praise for helping fight off the demon army or protecting the castle, Satoki is always awkwardly stuck between romantic scenarios between Haruka and her harem. Satoki would awkwardly be hiding under a table or some shit while she listen and watches Haruka make out with some random pretty boy. Like, Christ Almighty. I don’t understand what’s fun about that? These scenes just hurt my heart because usually what follows before or after these “romance scenes” would be Satoki being berated or treated like an object. It’s like looking at heaven and hell side by side. The comparison is just awful. And it’s not like this is a comedy scenes either. At the beginning of the manga, sure. But then these scenes became serious and down right vicious soon after. Yet Satoki just takes it! What’s even worse, was when the story was at a big dramatic point and Haruka points a finger at Satoki and blame her for ruining things. Bitch says what now??? After Satoki went through all that hardships for Haruka and Haruka putting Satoki through an emotional ringer, Haruka had the gall to call Satoki a bad person and that Satoki manipulated her. The one moment Satoki needed Haruka the most, Haruka turns her back against her. Some “protection” that was, huh?

While Haruka is an awful person and their relationship is fucked, the real problem here is Satoki for putting up with all that and more throughout the manga. Now, there’s nothing wrong in writing a protagonist with low self esteem or lack of confidence. But what’s important is if the author plans to do ANYTHING with those traits… AKA character development. You would expect that from a manga like this but nope! Satoki enter this world as a doormat and left it as a slightly proud doormat. There’s a reason why you don’t make your main character a static character but a dynamic one (remember these vocabulary words from English class?). At most I would imagine having a static character for a one shot or a short story, but a full on manga? Nah son. That just ain’t right.   

Having Satoki’s core issue be about her looks is just fucked and honestly shame on the author. At the beginning of the manga, we see that Satoki doesn’t really believe in that issue 100%. Yes… she might say it at first by going “Oh, there’s no way I could be a protagonist because I’m not pretty enough!” But this seems more like a self deprecating joke more than anything. Satoki might believe it just a little but not entirely. We can see it by how she wanted to first speak up to the priestess when Satoki first realize that she has the holy maiden’s powers. But as time went on, how the world treats Satoki just hammered in these insecurities and made Satoki submissive to all these actions. The world turned “Ha ha ha. I can never be a protagonist because I’m not pretty enough!” into “What’s the point? My looks define me as a person and I can’t do anything about it.” With Satoki’s already doormat personality, it wasn’t hard for her insecurities to become more apparent- Oh my god! Satoki is a dynamic character, she just went backwards! My third eye has been opened. Oh gosh… sorry everyone. This revelation just shook me. The story is still shit though. Let me get back to talking about Satoki.

After reaching rock bottom with her insecurities, it was Satoki’s allies who kept her head afloat in her sea of despair. Well… I guess saying that they keep Satoki positive is a bit of a generous stretch. On one hand what’s Satoki’s oresama teacher who helped keep Satoki’s abilities a secret and (sort of) looked out for her. I guess the teacher would have been fine if he wasn’t such a dick. Every word that comes out of his mouth was just a jab towards Satoki. At least he kept his end of the bargain in watching out for Satoki (I’m looking at you Haruka). Next is the bootleg holy maiden. You see, in the manga, the prince’s younger brother came up with a scheme of making up several holy maidens to confuse people (yeah it was a stupid plan) and there was this chick. Satoki and Ms. Bootleg were forced to work together and eventually they became “friends”. Ms. Bootleg was some vain chick with her own self interest but she does bring up some good points to Satoki for her to self evaluate her life. I guess the teacher and Ms. Bootleg were supposed to prompt Satoki to self evaluate and gain confidence but honestly, they did a shit job and Satoki hardly grew as a person. At most, they gave Satoki the confidence to “do what you want to do” bullshit but in the end, what Satoki wanted to do was to continue helping Haruka. “But she help Haruka on her own accord. The end.” BAH! BULLSHIT.

In the end, I’m not sure what sort of lesson Satoki or we, the audience, was supposed to take away from this story. Anything special about Satoki was just ripped out of her hands by the author. Haruka was the holy maiden all along and that Satoki’s power was just her link to the world. Once Satoki used up all her power, she basically gets sent back home. Hell! Satoki participated in the war but she never got a chance to see who won! What a load of horse shit. Haruka and Satoki’s relationship was easily “repaired” with Haruka forgiving Satoki’s deceit (Bitch, how vain are you???) And everything is now alright in the universe… my ass. Honestly, my head hurt as I recall all this. We started at point A and never left it. Seriously… what’s the lesson, moral, or entertainment value about this? From a writer's point of view, this is an example of cool concept but awful execution. Main character is a static one and all other side characters are just plain hateable. Any “interesting” plot development are shown off screen since Satoki is technically the side character for Haruka’s main character and it was just an angst-fest of Satoki being whipped around like a doormat. I would have more fun watching paint dry… at least I get the satisfaction of the paint actually drying in the end.

Overall Score: 0/10

(Kai’s note: Btw, the art isn’t bad. It’s pretty nice actually and I don’t see why Satoki is “ugly”. She’s a bit masculine but it doesn’t take away much from her look. I also find it annoying that the author never really approach it by having Satoki prove other’s her usefulness or prove them wrong or something. In the end, people just sort of shrug at Satoki’s appearance in the end. Once again, shit story telling.)

[evilelitest2]

100 Days of Trump Day 60: 1984

     Welcome back to 100 Days of Trump, where we try to sum up WTF happened in 2016 in 100 recommendations.  Today we are going to talk to the ganddaddy of them all, 1984....and let me just get this out of the way.  Orwell was a Socialist, he was extremely left wing, his criticism of communism (and it is more than just communism he is critical of) wasn’t coming from a right wing place.  Now one of Orwells main theory was actually disproved, if you don’t have a word for something it doesn't keep you from articulating it, usually by making a new word via language drift.  When Mao Zedong created Simplified Chinese he deliberately tried to remove certain phases and concepts from the language...but very quickly that failed, the Chinese just used new terms or loan words.  But what I do want to talk about with 1984 is the co-option of language, yes I am banging that drum again.  

    See the regime Ingoc is specifically said to lack any real ideology, its most defining traits is its inconsistency, “We have always been at war with east asia”  But a political regime must have ideological rhetoric, even if it has no ideology itself, and so lacking any core beliefs, they instead latch upon other ideas and concepts and co-opt them for their own purpose.  And the Far Right (though not necessarily the more ‘moderate’ right) doesn’t really have a coherent political ideology beyond vague “I oppose these things” when you leave them alone to make their own theories it just turns into absolute shit.  And the greatest irony is that if you look at their writings, not only do they all sound like each other with no discernible difference, they all use the same phases over and over again, like cuck.  But the thing I find interesting is...almost all of those phases are leftist terms they just stop (not cuck obviously).  Here let me give a list of their mindlessly parroted phases that the Neoreactionary Right just can’t get enough of

Politically Correct

This was originally a socialist/communist term used by people like Orwell and Troskey against Stalinist style communists, politically correct mean that they followed the party line mindlessly without questioning.  If you used the word in its originally meaning, then you’d be using it against republicans who put aside previous objections in order to work with Trump.  Then it came to mean basically “Corporate works trying to pretend to be progressive without actually being progressive” a decidedly left wing charge.  But the right got it so not it just kinda means “Giving a shit about social justice”   Speaking of which

Social Justice Warrior 

This was actually a left wing term, I’m serious, I remember when it was first spreading around left wing internet and I was like “god damn this is a useful term”  And holy crap did that get co-opted fast.  SJW originally was a word to use for leftists who advocated a much more militant and “Us vs. them” mentality, basically for the modern day Marat or Robespierre.  This time of liberal disagreement goes back for quite a long way, the question of reform vs. revolution, and its not necessarily an ideological difference as it is a practical one, and it was nice to have a term to those people who fetishize the idea of violent revolution utterly ignorant of its results (spoiler warning, it doesn’t end well).  But not it is just a blanket term to mean “people I don’t like”

White Knight

Man i remember when this was a feminist term, it was a great term, it basically referred to men who try to defend women out of a desire for sex, which is a creepy thing that happens all the time.  Problem now is that any man who like...doesn’t think that Anita Sarkeesian is trying to take over the world is a white knight by default.  

Virtue Signalling

Basically this is when somebody obstains from doing something horrible and then calls attention to it so that everybody will value and respect them, social justices entirely for the praise.  Good term, we have all met that one guy who does that.  Problem is now that anybody who is like “Man, it is really awful the way women are consistently harassed on the internet” and the immediate response is “well you are just virtue signalling”.  

MLK

MLK’s entire existence has become one giant use of Rightists misusing him to support their argument, and then in response leftist pretending he was somehow  a violent revolutionary cause that makes sense. 

Regressive Leftist 

This one originally means to people who are supposedly left wing but actually seem to hold really non left wing views 

Ethics in Game Journalism

This might shock you but long before Gamergate was the glimmer in Ejoni’s empty souless eyes there were a lot of people talking about how corrupt games journalism is, because it fucking is but guess what? Most of them didn’t join up with GG, in fact many like Jim Sterling actually opposed GG and none of them were talking about indie devs interacting with games journalist for good reviews, they were instead talking about giant corporations buying adds on gaming journalist sites to get good reviews, the giant corporations that GG didn’t spend its time talking about in favor of how an indie game developer and a youtube feminist are somehow responsible for everything wrong in a multi billion dollar industry.  

Orwell himself

And of course, Orwell himself suffered this, despite being, I will say this again, a socialist, you see the term orwellian used to refer to the very same ideology Orwell held, its fucking maddening.  You have folks online like RedbloodedAmerican who literally say “Socialism has never produced anything of value ever” and then use the term Orwellian without any bat of irony.  

Part of this is that when these terms of defined, they are usually only defined in what they are, not what they aren’t, which makes them very easy to co-opt, after all the original definition didn’t not mean this right? Good hint for future leftist term makings, when you make something up, very specifically say what it isn’t.  Orwell would have done better I feel if he had very specifically made it clear what his regime was not as much as what it was.  

but we don’t just see this in a political context, I mean take the term 

Mary Sue

It is suppose to mean a character who is way too powerful for the narrative and around whom the narrative revolves because they are always correct, and now kinda means “thing I don’t like” 

But the right doesn’t just always co-opt the left, they have lots of neat little terms that instead exist to sort of hide to themselves and others how utterly abhorrent the whole lot of them are.  I mean when you say 

Family Values

When being homophobic or anti feminist, it basically doesn’t mean anything, I mean....what do families as a collective unit produce universal values?  All of them?  I mean the Judeo Claudians were a family should I take advice from them?  What defines a family? What if a family disagrees?  How does that mean anything at all?

Intelligent Design

This literally exists to make creationism sound less stupid than creationism, but of course every single person who believes in Intelligent Design is of course a creationist. 

White Nationalist 

Rather than just saying ‘I’m a nazi” they use this cute little term instead, because their beliefs are basically the same as the nazis except Pan European rather than just German.  

Spengler

This one honestly confuses me, because Spengler was right wing I mean did any of them actually read Decline of the West

The point is that we just see words used not for a method of communication, but instead as a way to create a larger point 

    The list goes on and on but I want to get to my main point, I want to talk about the psychology going on with this constant revisionist of language, it isn’t because they are stupid (I mean it is but that isn’t the main point) its about keeping people angry, about creating a constant sense of anger and embittered paranoia.  Because here is the dirty little secret of the Far Right, if you actually calm them the fuck down and don’t have an enemy to oppose....they don’t really have all that much in common.  IN fact a lot of them have beliefs that are actually really left wing.  Again and again we have found that if you poll Americans based on specific issues like “Should healthcare be affordable”and “Does this country have too much of a wealth gap” and “Do the rich not pay enough in taxes” and a lot of hardcore republican suddenly sound like socialists.  CGP Grey noted that if you abstract enough and talk to people about the electoral college they will almost uniformly come out and say “Wow, that is awful” but the moment they realize that they benefit from it, they will instantly start to change their tune.  Because to a lot of Republican voters, it isn’t actually about the issues, its about fucking over “The enemy” which in this case is the democrats, and as long as people are fucking pissed, they don’t really fully listen to the whole platform of the guy they supported.  I had this issue with Obama/Clinton supporters where their supporters just stopped listening when they got to things they didn't’ like about the candidate, because it isn’t actually about the core issues, its about fear and hatred of the other side.  But maintaining that level of hatred is actually pretty difficult, because the moment people calm down a tad and go home, watch TV and find out the world hasn’t ended, they start to realize that you are kinda hyperbolic and most importantly, might become vulnerable to leftists pointing out that they actually agree on most issues.  So you need to keep them mad, constantly perpetually mad, just endlessly angry, so that they never really have that moment of calming the fuck down and actually thinking about the issues.  And Angry people aren’t famous for rational decisions

Yet again reminder of why Hitchens is an utterly worthless pseudo intellectual who reminds me a lot of Alex Jones, who is basically the result of a human being who has been angry for decades and has never calmed down.

  This is also why these buzzwords are so important, they distract from the issue as a whole, because family values...I has family, and I don’t wants family to change gah.  Rather than sitting them down and talking to them about what a changing modern society actually means for a family they just kind of vaguely panic because they aren’t in a head-space where they are ready to reason (This is worse for single issue voters).  Like i’ve spoken to people about the Iraq War and once I get to “So how do you win a war on terror” they suddenly kinda stop and go “Huh....wait”  or “How do you win a war on drugs” if they aren’t viewing in from the lenses of a culture war, they  become more receptive.  So the point of the right (who i remind you, have interests which most of the country doesn’t like, as Trump’s supporters are finding out right now).  I mean literally at this moment, we are seeing people go “Well I like the ACA I just don’t like Obamacare” when they are the SAME FUCKING THING  

And that is where the Right wing Media empire comes in and by that I mean the two min of hate, where you can take all of your collective insecurities anger and frustrations in life and everything around you and blame it on one nebulous force of “Them”.  Huh where have I seen that before?

If you watch folks like THunderfoot, Sargon or other anti feminists, they fixate a fucking tone of attention on this extremely standard video series, it is notably shocking how much time they spend talking about really basic theory level stuff and then you realize....Anita, Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu and Hillary Clinton are literally the whole feminists they know.  Like they haven’t read any of the material, they don’t know any of these people, they don’t even know what feminism is other than a vague “bad thing” that that they don’t like and blame for all their problems.  This is why so called “Free speech” advocates” are totally ok with GSM folks having videos put down, why devout Christians vote for a man who admitted to sexual assault, why people who hate the Eastern Elites are always getting in bed with Goldman sachs or why the working class voted for Trump, it isn’t actually about the issues, its about screwing the other guy.  

It is into this environment that Trump thrives, because pointing to a vague, undefinable, conspiratorial other is where he thrives and he serves as the culminate conductor of rage (that should be a title of a book on this subject honestly)

[ramblingsandruminations]

When Suicidal Ideation is the norm

All the help in the world becomes a muddy puddle of shitty affirmations, thorned gaslighting, and useless guilt. If one more person tells me "have you tried yoga/deepbreaths/vitamin B..." Ugh. Who am i kidding? This is tumblr, where you can always find somone who says exactly what you are thinking ( #omgmetho #datme #meirl ). Weve all heard the "stop giving advice and atart taking it " speech, we're all likely to have read some post about the "evils" and " abuses" of therapy and inpatient treatment, and I'll bet a paper hat, some vending machine doodad, or some shitty-yet-adorably-hipsterly prize that within 100 reblogs someone links to some news article about "Queer Youth Completes Suicide And We Think You Will Pay Us to Feel Bad About It, Don't Forget To Like, Share, and Subscribe to Trevor Project, Your Reblog Will Save A Life (And Keep Us Relevant For Our Advertisers)." Tomorrow(well, next daylight hours) my 26-year-old depressed college freshman self is going to walk into my schools coubseling office and tell them i never recieved the location for the therapist they reffered me to (true story--Honestly not avoiding treatmwnt, even if it is useless) and request a second referral. Ill sit through some lecture about self-advocacy veiled in "concerned questions" and once again be misgendered, deadnamed, and criticized for giving a fuck (note: commenters looking to describe me with the word "cuck," i see you there, good for you, let me know how that white kkknight holier than thou red pill rage fest dopamine addiction is filling the gaping void of existential dread within you). After that, there is always a small chance they'll see just how depressed i am, and faster than you can say "looney is a word based in misogynistic beliefs of womens mental health and menstrual cycles being unhealthily and unscientifically connected to the moon," ill be fielding questions which boil down to "do you want to kill yourself" and "do you have a plan." By this time in my life, i've gotten pretty used to BSing my way around psychology. All it really takes is knowing that all they can take you on is your word, and nothing else. "Do you want to kill yourself?" they ask, and i reply "*short pause, heavy, short exhale denoting weight and truth* Well, yeah. But quite frankly, suicidal ideation is a part of my everyday life- nothing i do isn't plagued with some form of "i should wrap this mouse cord aroubd my neck and die" or " i wonder if that branch is strong enough to support my weight" or "man, my head hurts, but i bet a bottle or two of ibuprofen could make it stop." For me, its not a question of wanting to die, its a matter of what do i have to live for, and ive been through enough inpatient DBT and group therapy to help me cope, using breathing techniques and self-care tips to push me through the worst of it." This is usually if not always all they need to hear. Sure, im depressed, but anything they could tell me is something i know and am already doing-i sound to them more like a patient leaving inpatient than one entering it. Our hospitals are overfilled, understaffed, prqctucally unfunded; if im "stable" im staying out of their ledger book. Occasionally, they still worry, having one of those "consciences" their peers claim to have lost when a schizophrenic patient tried to bite their ear off, and ask a follow up "but are you sure? You seem distressed, and if you need some help, we are here for you," to which all i have to do is look at them through sad, but strong eyes and say "Thank you, but i have a great support network of friends and of course, my boyfriend. He's fantastic, and one of the most important things to have happened to me. He keeps me on this side of the dirt." A small tired chuckle, and their focus diverts towards affirmations of how good it is to have support, their therapy brains running on autopilot. Then all it needs is some "active" listening, uh-huhs, and compliant assurance that ill keep working on myself to assuage them of any guilt or corncern. Maybe, though, ill tell them the truth, and let them take me in. Three hots and a cot, after all. I'll fight through my dysphoria as they ogle every nook and cranny of my malformed body trying to see if im hiding a weapon or some drugs; I'll continue to insist on a private room and remind them calmly yet firmly that no, i will *not* room with a male, and their lack of knowledge on how to treat a transgender non-binary patient is well behind on proper treatment according to WPATH, the APA, and our state govt. When i get a room, theyll say that i should take as much time as i need to get acclimated, and not worry about what the rwat of group is qorking on, and then contradict themselves within 5 minutes and say i need to go to group, theyre waiting on me. In my fresh new scrubs, ill walk in and within seconds, ill identify how th staff monitors who came in when (usually different colored scrubs based on different halves of the week, and of course, anyone likely to leave within 48 hours wearing "normal" clothes), and see the therapist or doctor talking about emotional management techniques. When i sit down, eeyes will be on me, some with looks of angey jusgemwnt, some with awe and wonder: what could THEY be in for? The group leader will ask me my name, ill state it and my pronouns (to several uncomfortable shifts in the room), and theyll let me know what they were talking about. Ill make a good effort to participate, play along, etc. Someone in the group will be desperate to control the conversation, talking more and more as if this entire experience is just for them- another person will be too dissociated to say anyrhing, despite the doctors attebpts to get them to open up. Already, the cliques will become apparent; humans are aocial creatures, after all. When we leave for the next scheduled activity (either rec or lunch, depending on the time) the docs will be watching me- im on suicide watch, and they expe t me to jump out a window or try and slit my wrists with a paperclip or something. Im not a danger in this regard; ive been threatened with solitary and ECT if i dont comply before- i am their prisoner and i must comply. Within an hour or two of being there, ill be able to notice how well funded they are (or more likely, arent.) The quality of their reading materials; the availability of puzzles abd how well taken care of they appear. Recreation will be the most bare of kindergarden activities; coloring books, maybe a tv with basic cable. A daycare for adults, abd not the cool buzzfeed articles. Someone, probably an addict, will be trying to fanangle their attendee into giving them special treatement- a snack, or an extra smoke break. I'll be sitting in a corner, smirking- the staff arent even an eigth as dumb as this person thinks, and they've seen this type before. They might get something, but itll cost them sour looks from staff and less accommodating treatment with the doctors. After the second hour, we'll have another activity (second group, rec, or maybe "outside time" if its a particularly fancy facility; while the sun will certainly be shining, our feelings of freedom will be dampened by the high fances and walls keeping us from getting away). This is usually wheb the realization sets in that im stuck here for 72 hours plus, and ill be counting them down to stave off boredom. 15-30 minutes in to this third hour, ill be called in to meet tye psychiatrist, fisrt meeting with an attendee to fill out the generic details, then 30-45 minutes of diagnosis before im told ill be put on ab antidepressant, an anxiolytic, and tramodol, a sedative marketed as "something to help me sleep" and "another antidepressant" which makes me laugh every time. Tramodol is the auppressant, the "slow down" drug which helps keep everyobe on a nice, calm level thats safer for the orderlies. Were i violent, id concur; instead, i begin to wonder how long it will take before i no longer feel persistently asleep once i leave. A couple weeks, likely. Hopefully, the food will be good, but not likely 5 star- one place ive stayed had been cooking for us in the break room, sometimes PB&J, sometimes microwaved quesadillas. Maybe theyll have more drink options than coffee, water, and sugar-free koolaid- maybe not. Likely not. Some of us will complain; most of us will know it is a fruitless endeavor. After another group or two, it will be dinner, then wrap up group. We will discuss what progress we think we made today, and be sent to bed after meds are distributed in little paper ketchup cups. Most places wont do the "cuckoos nest" tongue check, but some will, particularly the ones with kleptos and pill ODers. Lights oyt will be around 10 pm, the beds will be plasticky and the blankets thin, and sleep will only cone rhanks to our sedatives. Day two, we'll be woken early, around 6-7, by an orderly checking our blood pressure and body temp. Well all gather in the hallway, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and head to the eating area for breakfast- which loooking back will likely be the best meal of the day, not the least be ause we have access to augar and caffiene. By now, i will likely have made a friend, probably with an older woman or two, and we will enjoy surreptitiously smirking at each other when the teoublemaker patwnt tries to get an omlette or something silly. Someone will start telling fanciful stories dreamed up in the night; talk will eventually turn to who is leaving today. The orderlies will be trying to not look too interested in what we reveal to each other instead of them. They will not succeed in this. Ths first morning they will use as a test of how i deal with frustration. An older nurse will act exasperated, as though taking care of me is a curse she was tasked with. She will try to cut theough any response i give her, and rudely discount anything i try to say, as if accuaing me of lying. Knowing it is coming doesnt help it hurt less. If it overwhelms me, ill be labeled as dramatic- if not, as detached. Sluggish from the new medications, i will be treated as though i ahould not be here, and will be led aroubd more quickly than i am rady to be. I will notice that part of it is that i am beginning to realize how broken down i feel i am. Reaching out will result in canned answers and "the doctor is busy's". After all, this iant about me, and theyve seen my type before. At lunch, i will be upset by the bland meal, abd ask if they have any hot sauce, or maybethey will be out of a preferred tea, or the food will not be enough to feed me. The newcomer who arrived at morning group will share a look with the quiet patient. I will try not to notice the parallels. A therapist will ask to talk to me today. It may be a nice session, but will essebtially boil down to "let me give you ideas for solving your problems, so that your depression seems more managed." By the end of the day, they will already begin my release plan. Theyve fixed me, they are sure. I will also get my clothes back. The aurvey will be slightly different today; instead of asking on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being best abd 10 being worst how was my day, it will be the opposite: scale of 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best. This way, they can track how much is me being honest, and how much is me remembering numbers to fake it. (Once, a nurse messed up so often that it was a sentence by sentence change). Later, if there is any improvement, it will be used by the hospital as signs that treatment is helping; if it gets worse, that i had a rough day and shouldnt think much of it. Bedtime will come, and i will relish it- being sedated takes a lot out of a person. When morning comes, the eggs will feel soggy and cereal with be a much better choice. A bagel will be carried into morning group and more DBT will be discussed. I will mostly be checked out; they are pulling most of their material from a 12 step program, and the leader is a student of psychology learning how to help people, but ive heard it all before, and that sense of guilt just pushes me towards suicide harder. At this point, ill feel just how desperate they are to get me out; nurses eill hint at things being the "wrong" answer with " you dont REALLY mean that, do you sweetie?" and " well, you cant keep thinking THAT way, or we'll have to keep you here longer." Boredom and longing for home will encourage me to pretend to be better, and not tell them how last night before falling asleep i stared at the vedfrane wondering if i could take it apart and form a springwire noose, or tear the blankets to make a rope. When they ask if im feeling better, it will actually mean "are you done with your timeout from reality? Have you learned how to fit in properly yet?" The meds wont really begin having a noticable effect for months- they know im lying. What they hope for is a glimmer of hope and a mountain of guilt for wanting to hurt others by hurting myself. Ill fake those, too. Still, ill be misgendered. Still, theyll blame hormones and buzzfeed rather than neurology and chemistry. After all, im well-adjusted, not at all like the Caitlyn Jenners and Wachowskis they read about on their facebooks. Its just a phase, and im just confused. I didnt try to hurt myself- nothing is *really* wrong with me. What can i do? Try and strangle myaelf, or others? That just means im lashing out, and ill get a new med regime and another 3 days, this time strapped down. Being strapped to a bed and left alone is mind-numbingly boring. If i tell them i still want to kill myaelf, theyll just nod their head and tell me it will go away soon; if i say i have a plan, rheyll keep me playing chess and reading AA papers until i apologize. Their job is not to fix me, their job is to stabilize me and make sure i dont break myself more. The fixing is my responsibility. Day four is release day. They will claim i have made improvements and have me fill out an action plan for when i feel depressed again. It will include people i can call, and ways i can push through bad feelings. It is my exit exam.when i pass, ill be set up with a therapist outside the hospital later in the week, and told how to connect with various resources. They will think i didnt know there were trans support groups. I will think that if it was just a support group i needed, i wouldnt dream of death. Neither of us will admit these things. And so, ill come back to school. Late on homework, i will have to prostrate myaelf with dictors note beggibg for forgiveness. I will get it, more due to policy than empathy, and at the end of the day, i will lay in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and contemplate which of my top three anchor spots would be the best ending to my story. Other than medical bills, nothing will have changed. Life drones on. I think i understand why death seems,so much better. In death, i can pretend there is a solution. In death, i can imagine a cure. In death, i can envision a caretaker and easier existence. It doesnt matter that death is the end of it all- i can pretend it willl be more, and my imagination can create many comforts in that void. But even death is a lie, and nothing will ever stop hurting.

[goingtohellsowhynot]

i think everyone in government should be fired. i think we should start over. these people don’t have a plan for our future. these people don’t care about what happens to us. they care about themselves and what’s said on Twitter.

i’m a writer who has been trying to write my great novel my entire life (since i was 7-8 years old really). 

the characters have changed. their faces have grown wrinkles, their hair salt and pepper, their thoughts more plagued by the world around them, rather than the frivolous things they wanted as children. love and bravery and peace. 

my characters used to want to unite the world and save it from whatever plague had come now, but i used to blame it on an outside evil. something that wanted what we had and came to take it. that changed too once i realized humans naturally gravitate towards hate and derisiveness and evil.

we are obsessed with these stories of our own destruction and beating it despite the massive amount of death and decay our society goes through. we’re obsessed with our rebirth after the apocalypse. our dystopian future where we’re constantly surviving in a state where we can be killed by anyone. 

i guess it’s boring to believe that people could just be kinder to everyone. not even just 1% nicer to the person next to you. just 1% kinder to your employees’ salaries. just 1% kinder to the citizens who pay your salaries and build your houses of justice. 

and we asked for 1% and you split that up 100 different ways, and so it never really felt like you gave up anything, because you didn’t really. so now that little piece we asked for has grown, and we want more, because you have taken more and more from us every single fucking year that we live.

you’ve twisted the screws so we produce more. you’ve broken down our freedoms and protections so that you can track our behavior and sell our identities to market them back at us for “more convenience and faster checkouts.” who asked for these companies to change how we spend our time? to make things faster and faster, to make it so easy to push notifications in our faces and allow our bosses to send us emails at any fucking hour of the day, and IT CANT BE IGNORED.

you’ve invaded our homes to track us and collect data on us under the guise of “convenience” so you can twist more, and more, and more, and it only looks worse for the common man, who’s just trying to somehow find his way for 60 fucking years toiling and making nothing, and never achieving his dreams. 

and you’ve made billions off of him. you’ve sold his data and you’ve taken his life and said it’s worth $8/hour or nothing at all in the case of some shrewd industries, then forced the price of living up so high that he has to work harder and harder. 

and that’s why i don’t think people should stop burning down their cities and demanding change. i don’t think people should stop revolting any time soon. there is a new world order and it doesn’t want corporate slavery. it wants to be FREE. 

I want to be free of Donald Trump & police brutality, the US government AT LARGE, I want to be free of Amazon and Google and Facebook and Apple (and any other company that views our lives as data factories for their advertising machines). I want to get back to simply LIVING and ENJOYING MY LIFE with the PEOPLE I LOVE. FUCK SOCIAL MEDIA and the cancer it has brought upon free speech and communication. 

Why do we have to cuck to these companies? Why do we have to cuck to the government? Why? They should fear us and do what we say. We’re the voice. We’re the change. 

We’re the fucking champions of our own stories. We’re the champions of our lives. 

[worldsandcenturiesfunposting]

Trump’s Bad Day : ( A Political Fanfiction for Intellectuals

It was another day in the White House and President Trump was not happy. As per usual, he woke up before the sun even rose to take his routine shit and Twitter time. Unlike those loser Presidents from the past, Trump knew the best method of proclaiming his word to the masses was at 140 characters at a time. If that’s how much he’s able to read, certainly it must be how much the rest of the country is capable of as well.

He looked around the historic building, clenching his butt cheeks in hopes of making it to the restroom on time. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find his phone! He looked under his high chair but couldn’t find it nor did he find it on his desk underneath the multitude of crayon’d in pages of the 2016 election results. It wasn’t even in that special spot in Ivanka’s room that coincidentally gave whatever’s placed there a perfect view of where she changes. 

The excruciating exercise he went through searching for it was draining his limited life force. His hands sweated greatly, unable to even grasp the big boy little spoons he uses to eat his delicious two scoops. The dye in his hair was starting to run down his face, making him look like an orange/lemon blend. 

At last, he couldn’t take it anymore. He slumped over on the floor and had to finally release himself. It was the same feeling he got when he passed legislations.

When the sun rose and the rest of the staff attended to their duties, Mike Pence found both Trump and Bannon sleeping on top of one another. At some point while it was still dark, the head of Brietbart drunkenly stumbled in, tripped on his boss, and fell asleep as well. When trying to remove the ungodly mix of alcohol and adipose tissue of of the President, Pence once again smelled a horrid odor that was all too familiar with him after these 100-something days of Trump’s presidency. 

“Donald, again?” He sighed. 

Even in sleep, Trump giggled.

It wasn’t until an hour later that Trump was dragged back to his room, cleaned, changed, and given a set of new clothes. Pence insisted he wear a normal tie that day but Trump refused to abide.

“I want the long one!”

“You can’t wear the long one, Donald. It’s too long. You’ll trip over it!”

“I WANT THE BIG BOY TIE!”

A familiar site to the electroshock therapy enthusiast, Trump started jumping up and down in a fit of rage. At times, he’d run over to the wall and start pounding on it, making such little noise, it was as if a fly had slammed into it. 

“BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE BIG TIE-”

He droned on and on, and tears started to stream down his face. finally Pence threw his hands in the air and said “Alright! Fuck it! You can have the big boy tie!”

Like a flick of a switch, Trump stopped his tantrum and beamed a huge grin in Pence’s direction. “I’m a bigly good deal maker, Pence. You should know this.” He pointed at his VP and snatched the tie from his hands. 

“If only you could negotiate a law to kill the faggots, Trump.”

“I’ll make that deal when the dems stop obst-obstric-ob-ob...blocking me!”

“The dems are the minority in everything, Trump. They have no real control over congress or the senate or anything!”

“Killery’s emails say that the deep state is actually controlling them. Don’t you read Bread-bart?”

--

When they walked out, they found Bannon in the same spot on the floor. Somehow in his sleep, the man managed to gather dozens of bottles of gin seemingly out of thin air. Groggily, he started to get up.

“Uh bu ughuhu...are the fuckin’ kikes dead yet?”

“No, Bannon.” Pence replied dryly. 

“Thosuh fugg fuking guh hook noses th-I ughu I wish the Holocaust was real fo then uthu would be gon!”

“That’s nice, Bannon. We need you to help Trump sign a bill for our corporate masters.”

“It’s going to be a biiiiiiigly bill, Uncle Bannon!”

Bannon complied. He pissed himself first, but ultimately he stumbled behind the two which made Donald giggle over how silly his uncle was being. All the while Bannon was trying to tell Donald about how the white race was being bred out of existence and how to use secret code words like ‘N1gger’ or ‘k1ke’ to trick normies into spreading nazi propaganda. his words weren’t at all clear and Donald simply giggled most of the time, but somewhere in Trump’s mind, he was absorbing that information.

Before Bannon could call for a race war, he slumped over again and threw up on the back of Pence’s shoes before falling sleep entirely.

“Uh oh, Uncle Bannon had an accident!”

Pence remained silent, seething to himself that one day congress will stop worrying about what a bunch of frog posters thought of them and impeach Trump. How much longer must I endure this? Dead God! Dear mother! Someone help!

They continued on. Trump skipped the whole say singing ‘Bigly bill’ over and over and occasionally telling Pence he had to sing along. 

When they arrived in the oval office, Trump ran over to his seat, lost breath half way, sharted, and then walked the rest of the way. With a wet plop, he sat down and banged his fist on the desk.

“No more fun and games. It’s time to put my big boy pants on and do some work!”

Pence walked up behind Trump and reached into a drawer, brushing aside many drawings of Trump punching Hillary and pulled out the bill his boss was supposed to sign. 

“What’s the bill, Mike?”

“Fuck the poor, take away their health care and let them fucking die by Paul Ryan.”

“Paul Ronald? I love that guy!”

Pence’s eye twitched. In his mind, he was at a cross roads between screaming about homosexuality and letting Trump’s little outburst slip. He knew his pussy grabbing boss was a good Christian who didn’t approve of gays, but what he said disturbed him on a spiritual level.

“I mean, he’s not me or anything, but Paul Renalds, I know him. He’s a great guy, believe me. I remember when I met him, I met him way back ago, he said I was supposed to be President because he knows a good deal maker when he sees one. I make the best deals, believe me, they’re the best. My deals with Paul Rogers, he looks at my deals and he agrees to them because they’re the best. Believe me, Paul Roomba, he knows my deals. This deal here, it’s the best. The best deal. And his eyes are cute!”

Pence finally had to excuse himself, leaving the President alone to sign the bill. It occurred to Trump how strange the situation was. Normally when he signs bills into law, he has everyone stand in the room with him so they can congratulate him on what a big boy thing he was doing. Where was everyone?

“This was supposed to be a bigly moment. I want my praise!” He whined and screamed and pounded, but no one came in. Not even his famous tantrumps would sway the universe this time.

Slowly the gears in his head started turning His buddies in the GOP really tried to push this bill through fast. Kushner said they were doing it before Hillary emails about it on her private server. What was so special about the bill?

He reached over on his desk and grasped it in his hands. Squinting his eyes, for the first time in years he tried to read. “F-f-fuuuuuck t-tha pooor, tac...tic? Take! Take away thi-thir? Heat-ha...”

Sweat dripped from his brow as he slowly stumbled through the title. “bie..Pool Reean...Oh Pool Ransom! I love that guy! I made a deal with him earlier, and he agreed to it saying I make the best deals. The best. I remember making a deal in Saudeyrabba with those darkies, I gave them bigly amounts of weapons for money. Such a good deal. The best deal, believe me. The un were mad for some crap about human rights or whatever, but they’re just liblosers who don’t know good deals. Not like me, I make the best deals. Like I made a deal with Bannon the other day, it was such a good deal! The best and...oh shoot! I lost my place!” He sighed heavily and moved his eyes to the top of the page. 

Hours later, Pence came in, having obtained written permission by his wife to be able to hear any vaguely homosexual things from Trump even if she isn’t there. “Have you signed the bill yet, sir?”

“By pool Reea-Mikey! You made me lose my place! I don’t wanna lose like Shillery!”

--

Ultimately the bill wasn’t signed that day. Trump got bored of reading and instead drew a picture of his magnificent wall on the back. Completely irate but trying to keep his cool, Pence congratulated Trump on the wonderful drawing and said they could try again tomorrow while he stuck the picture to the fridge with all the other bills Donald didn’t sign. 

Their moment was interrupted by Kusher whose voice I have no idea what it sounds like so I’m assuming it sounds something like Kermit the Frog. He came in and stomped his foot. “Daaaaaaaaaady! The feds are being mean to me!” 

In Trump’s mind, he was so flattered. Kusher reminded Trump of himself when he was younger and asking his own father for a tiny loan of a million dollars. Ivanka, that hot piece of ass, really knows how to pick a man. But wait! If Ivanka picked Kushner, then she didn’t pick him! He was getting cucked! Uncle Bannon was right! Kusher was a dirty penny pinching jew boy who should be shoved in the oven and turned into a cake!

“Now Kusher, you know what I told you about handling the deep state.”

“Daaaaad, sending my body guard over to fire their leader didn’t work for meeeeeeee!”

“Kushner, if it worked for me, it’s bigly good. The best idea, believe me. I remember when Comey was giving me trouble, trying to investigate me and Russia. My relations with Putin, I don’t have them. I may have talked to him and agreed to win the election for him so he can systematically destroy the US from the inside out by telling me to appoint the most egregiously incompetent and malicious cabinet in presidential history who have a vested interest in destroying the very organizations they were chosen to run thus ensuring the US has very little power or influence over the world and weakening the pressure put on Russia which in turn would allow Putin to gain more influence over others...buuuuuuut I never met him, believe me! Bigly no no on meeting him!”

“Well if you don’t help me with this then I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll I’ll tell Ivanka!”

Trump leaped in the air. “Not Ivanka!”

“T-That’s right! I’ll tell her about this, daddy!”

“Okay okay! I’ll help!”

He ran out of the kitchen and out of the White House doors. For the first time, he had enough energy to do so. The prospect of losing his daughter’s affection would drive a man to do anything. At least that’s what Trump thought. When he was on the White House lawn, he finally stopped and wondered.

“Where does the feds work again? Gosh, who knew government could be so complicated?”

--

Dinner in the White House was supposed to be a special time. Everyone was gathered around ready to congratulate Trump on signing the bill and ensuring thousands of people would die, but were sorely disappointed when the learned that Trump tried to actually read the bill, failed to get past the title, and gave up. Still, they had to congratulate him lest the man throw another tantrump and ruin the dinner.

“An amazing job, your highness!” Rence Preibus said, raising his glass. 

“Your leadership is the best! Way better than that fucking nigger was. One day, I’m going to go to his house and put a bullet in his nigglet kids, but your kids, you have the best genes. We’re the master race, Trump!” A keebler elf said. Most people call him Jess Sessions. 

“I...have to use the restroo-” General Mattis was about to say before getting cut off. 

“Those fucking niggers, can you believe they were in here? Once I roll back the war on drugs, all of those shit skins are going away. Every fuckin’ one of them!” 

“Anyways, I’m going to leave n-”

“And the mexicans? They’re nigger lite! They’ll get it too. I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all! I swear on me lucky charms, I’ll fuckin’ arrest them all like the rabid squirrels who attacked my magical woodland kingdom. Those squirrels were fuckin’ niggers!”

Kelly Conway was ready to speak up. She was assured that there were no microwaves in the room at the moment. However, Mike Pence stopped her. “Women are to be seen, not heard, Kelly.”

“I for one am very happy for you, Trump. Not even Hitler was able to pass legislation!” Spicer beamed.

Bannon slammed both fists on the table. “Are you sayin’ tha h- *hic* Hitler, MY FUHRER, isn’t good enough?” He was ready to crawl up and strangle Spicer. “M-I-ighguhu va da b-both of us u-ughnggh”

Not even able to present a coherent thought, he passed out on his mashed potatoes. Kusher rose from his seat and pulled out a sharpie from his pocket, drawing several Stars of David on the drunk’s face. 

A turtle spoke up. “I��m sorry you weren’t able to pass our health care bill, but you’ll get it next time! We’ll get rid of those poor people together, and it’ll be your victory!” McConnell tried his best to hide his burning anger. Those poors will get to live another day because of his. Paul Ryan looked him in the eyes and nodded knowingly. Both of their dreams were squashed. 

“I dreamed about taking away health care from poor people since my college days,” Ryan said, “with you in charge, we’ll surely do that!”

Everyone else sang their praises, and then began to feast. Only Pence and Trump didn’t eat. The former because his wife hadn’t given him permission yet and the latter because when he looked down, he noticed that his food wasn’t a well done steak with extra ketchup but instead a massive log of shit. 

“COMEY!” He shouted, flipping his plate onto Pence. “He did this! He’s always doing this! Why does he keep bullying me! I want him to stop now now now now now!”

Pence tried to comfort him. “How do you know it was Comey, sir?”

“Because he’s a fuckin’ meanie!”

“You fired him weeks ago. he doesn’t have access to our kitchen.”

“He used the deep state to do it! I know it! The whole thing’s rigged! Bigly bad!”

Trump started to straight up cry and rolled out of his high chair. Not even three scoops of ice cream would satisfy him now. 

“I want him to stop now! I want the feds to stop attacking me! I want my documents to stop being leaked! I want them to ignore Russia now! Putin said this would be easy but it’s not! It’s difficult! It’s not easy peasy lemon squeasy like he said!”

Most of them had fled the room save for Kusher and Pence who spent the next several hours trying to consolidate him.

--

It was the first time in a long while since he heard his father’s voice. Barron Trump was in the middle of building a massive wall in Minecraft in hopes that his father will notice him, and while every previous attempt failed, he was sure it would work this time. He’d bet his fidget spinner on it!

As if a miracle from God, Trump entered his room and called his name. 

“Barron, I need help with the cyber!”

“D-dad?”

“I need you to hack into the FBI and remove everything they have on me and Russia!”

“Okay, dad! I’ll do my best!”

Trump slammed the door shut and Barron got straight to work. The moment went so fast but it felt like forever. Finally, he was communicated to! He was acknowledged! Using every bit of skill he had, he remotely accessed the FBI’s database and scanned through the files, trying to find any that looked relevant to the investigation between Trump and Russia. 

“Let’s see... aliens, JFK, Atlantas, big foot, little foot, 9/11, the moon landing...”

So many files; it was enough to overwhelm a kid. But Barron was an expert with a mission in mind. He wouldn’t let anything stand in his way. 

“Wait, this stuff looks good.”

When he opened the data base labeled ‘Putin and orange retard’, he was treated to a page with thousands of different files connecting Trump, his administration, and the Russians. There were pictures, scans of documents, text files, and even videos.

“Wow, I wonder what dad was doing with them.”

He clicked on video titles ‘pee tapes’ and minutes later from the halls, the staff could hear his screams.

--

Trump was scouting through the different rooms in the White House. Inside one was his wife being triple penetrated by secret service members. “Melina or whatever, have you seen Ivanka?”

“No!”

“Ok.”

He left unaware that he was being cucked. In another room was Sessions pulling on a rope that was attached to the ceiling fan while some voice, distinctly black, was gasping for air just out of view.

“I barely recognized you in your white hood. Have you seen Ivanka?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

A third room had Spicer and Bannon wresting for alcohol. Spicer was ranting about wanting to make the pain go away while Bannon just made several drunken antisemetic slurs. 

“Hey have you seen Ivanka anywhere?”

They both shook their heads before Bannon finally snatched the bottle away, flipped it to its narrow side, and smashed it over Spicer’s head. The man was knocked out and the alcohol was spilled, forcing Bannon to crawl on top of Spicer and lick it off his unconscious body. 

“Boy, Pence would be mad at that!”

Finally, Trump entered a room and found Ivanka. She was dressed in the sluttiest attire she had and laying in her bed, leads spread apart. Trump was already trying to pull his pants down, having difficulty moving his gut so he can unbuckle his belt, but wasn’t even able to do that when he saw Kusher walk up and climb on top of his daughter. 

“Kushner, stop cucking meeeeee!” He whined.

Ivanka didn’t react. Her mind was incapable of processing anything beyond fashion design and money. She sat there with wide open glassy eyes and a mouth slightly agape while Kusher himself turned around and looked Trump in the eyes. 

“Stop it now, Kushner!” 

“No!”

“I said now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!”

Kusher walked over and slammed the door shut. Donald pounded on it with his tiny hands but couldn’t break through. He cried and yelled and rolled on the floor, calling for ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis to launch a nuclear strike against the room and kill Kusher but to no success. 

“I’m telling Putin on you!” He screamed again before finally leaving. Once again he crawled back into his bed all alone and could do nothing but watch the news. Fox, the only real news channel, was reporting on how Trump single handedly cured cancer while the fake news channels were talking about how Muller continues to hire the absolute best lawyers and prosecutors the country has to offer. Trump yelled at the TV to stop Muller from continuing, often mistaking Muller for Comey, but it was no use. No matter how much he cried, the TV didn’t show the investigation stopping. 

He knew that morning, he would have such a rant to post on Twitter. It was a bad day. : (