#i spent the first two weeks with my family like 24/7 my sister stayed over with my nephew then we all left for my other sisters' house for

[madbug]

meaning of home

had you asked me 3 or 4 years ago where home was, my instinctive thought would've been my parents house, the house I grew up in, in a little neighborhood. I would've thought about the kitchen with those light fixtures, the backyard with the apple trees, and my room with the flower stickers I plastered all over the walls when I was seven, and the signed taylor swift poster I got when I was eight.

but then I went to college, and I moved halfway across the country, to live in a dorm room with girls I had never met before, decorated with things I got from target the week before. My dorm didn't feel like my room. I put up posters and lights and plants and it just felt wrong. It might have been that everything was shut down, online, and I was stuck in that room all of the time, but it didn't feel like a place I could relax in. It felt like a place I was stuck in, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. my only escape was online. had you asked me then, I would've told you how much I missed home, and would've described the layout of the kitchen, the organization of all of the different dishes, the oven, the fridge, the things that I really missed.

That summer I barely visited my old home, I got a job at a summer camp, and taught kids archery. The weekends I did stay with my parents, I felt like I didn't belong. I slept on a couch in the basement. My little sister had moved into my room.

The flowers were gone. Peeled off and painted over. A little bit of residue remained, as well as the window facing towards the west. My sister complained about the way the light shines through that window when the sun is setting, directly hitting the desk. I missed that. had you asked me that summer, home would not have changed.

The next year got a little better, moved into a different dorm, with people I knew. I spent more time in the library than in my room, and started to make friends. It was weird, but I felt like I belonged at my college. I started to branch out more and try new things.

The next summer I was a camp counselor again. I wasn't avoiding living with my parents, per say, and the job was a mess, but I enjoyed it. Sometimes. Othertimes I felt stuck. I was 16 again, and working the only job I had ever known. I was never going to get anywhere in life, never felt like I could succeed. I started to hate myself. the friends I had made in previous years hadn't returned, moved in to bigger and better things, and i was still there. stuck. it didn't feel like home.

And then it was fall and classes started and I flew back across the country. Junior year of college. I shared an apartment, a variety of baked goods and puzzles with a good friend of mine. I also frequently had my boyfriend over. Had you asked me that year, that apartment, with the shitty microwave and my mildly functional nintendo switch, would have been home. Finally I was in a place, where i felt like I was me.

That summer, I moved back into my parent's house. It was the first time in three years that I had spent more than a couple weeks there. It was nearly three months. and I was miserable. I didn't feel like I wa at home, I didn't feel like myself. I felt like I was playing pretend, acting like I used to be. I'd numbly go with my parents to church each weekend, and disassociate for an hour while they prayed. My mom was nice, and I missed my siblings but I quickly fell into a depressive state. I was working a job in the field I love, succeeding in my career, and yet I had never felt like more of a wreck. the two hour bus commute every day made me wish I had rented an apartment and hadn't saved the money. The lack of a car made me feel more stuck than ever. I didn't know anything and I couldn't do anything right.

It was impossible to explain why I felt homesick, when I was with my family, but I was missing people, not a place.

My head was all over the place. My focus was bad, my headaches were worse, and the occasional passing out and migraines were concerning at best and indicative of something bigger at worst. And then, when it was almost all over, i hit my head again.

This year, my friend and I got an apartment in the same building. Functional microwave, questionable oven. it doesn't feel like home, not in the way the other one did. Maybe it's because I spend less time here. Maybe it's because when I hang out with friends, I do it outside. Maybe it's because when I hang out with my boyfriend, we're always at his house, which feels like more of a home than my place does, even though I have my posters up and everything.

I think it's because I've been too focused on home as a location. The feeling of home, I've realized, to me, has nothing to do with location. Surrounding myself with familiar things can be comforting, but it doesn't make a place home. Home isn't the house I grew up in, it's not existing with my family. The feeling of home can be found anywhere, and its in the people you surround yourself with. I've made friends, and hanging out with them, getting dinner and cracking dumb jokes is the most at home I've ever felt. The feeling of home is the feeling of belonging, that's what i've been chasing all these years.

[kagayakimasu]

.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Birthday girl

I can't believe I did that, but here we are. This fits the "Multiple partners/gangbang" square from the Summer Bingo. With our favorite boys; Mike, Rafael, Sonny & Mike.

Words count: 3,9k

Warnings: Gangbang, p in v, creampie, spanking (slightly)

Sorry if there's any typos...

@thatesqcrush

You had a lot of hopes for your 30th birthday. Not just for the celebration itself but also in general. You thought that by now, you would be in a serious relationship, maybe with a kid or two, or at least planning on having one. You had many things you wanted to do before you were 30, but now that you think about it, you didn’t do much of those things. You’re actually far from it.

It just hurts to see people around you having their life together. Your best friend is married to a lovely man, she has a two year old boy and is pregnant with a second and she owns her business. Your sister - older than you - is traveling all around the world with her husband and their dog. And everytime you meet with your mother, it’s like she has to put pressure where it hurts. Every single time.

The only thing you can’t complain about is your job, and the people you work with. Being a detective at SVU is hard, it’s challenging, but you wouldn’t change it for the world. And you have the most amazing squad with you. Also, the most handsome men you ever met. Seriously. Mike, Sonny, Rafael, Nick. How could you not like your job when you see those faces 24/7?

You had expectations for your celebration party. You invited the squad to a beach house that you rented. They became your family, they are the ones you want to celebrate with. But little by little, it was falling apart. First, Amanda had to cancel since her sister is in town, and everyone knows Kim is a handful. Then, it was Liv turn. The day before, Noah got sick, so she decided to stay at home with him. That’s fair, Noah’s health first. And last but not least, your best friend and her husband canceled too. “No one to take care of the kid,” apparently. Is that what it is to have kids? Not having fun anymore? Cause if that’s it, maybe you don’t want one.

So, in the end, it’s just you and the boys. Not that you mind that thought at all.

You left early in the morning with Sonny. He offered to help you prepare the house, and go grocery shopping. “How’s the birthday girl?” he asked, gently as always.

“Kinda upset that everyone canceled. But I won’t let this ruin my day!”

“You’ll have fun anyway. We planned a few things with the guys,” he teased.

You spent the entire day annoying Sonny so he would talk. But he didn’t say a damn thing. Whatever they have prepared, you have no clue. It does stress you out a little but one thing is sure; you can trust them with your life.

Everything was ready when Mike, Nick and Rafael arrived. When Sonny opened the door to them, their arms were full. You saw booze, food, and gifts. Way too many gifts for one person. “What the hell is all of that?” you exclaimed when they dropped everything on the floor, in the living area.

“Everything we need to celebrate your 30th birthday. You will remember this weekend,” Mike said with a huge grin on his face. He walked up to you and hugged you softly. “Happy birthday Y/N,” he kissed your forehead.

Nick and Rafael did the same as Mike. Then, they quickly put their stuff in the bedrooms, before joining you and Sonny on the terrace, facing the ocean. The weather wasn’t the best, but you couldn’t care less.

“One rule for this weekend; not shop talk,” Nick warned and everyone agreed with it.

The evening started pretty smoothly. You were having drinks, eating the apéritif you and Sonny prepared earlier and chatting about nothing and everything. At some point, Rafael came back with a bottle of champagne and poured everyone a glass. “To our amazing Y/N,” he said, holding his glass in the air. “You probably have no idea what you mean to all of us and that’s actually what makes you even more lovable. We care about you more than you know. Happy birthday, querida,” he smiled and toast with you.

You looked at Rafael with puppy eyes. He and the three others know you’re not used to being praised like this, even though you deserve any less.

“This is nice! Mike, your turn,”

The sergeant obliged. He stood up and cleared his throat, “Everyone knows that me joining SVU was my dad’s idea, but honestly, I can’t thank him enough for making me. Cause now you’re in my life and girl, you won’t get rid of me. I can’t imagine my life without you, Y/N,” he paused, “and without those idiots either, but that’s not their birthdays,”

“You said it anyway,” Nick teased Mike.

“Shut up, Nick! Let him finish,” you elbowed Nick.

“Well, I was done actually. Happy birthday, honey,” he bent over to kiss your cheek and then toasted with you.

“I love you,” you mouthed to him. “Nick, now you can talk,” you were excited about this. The past weeks before your birthday hadn’t been easy, you overthink a lot about your life. You actually cried yourself to sleep the night before, but none of them know. Their words make you feel much better. You’re lucky to have them.

“Thank you, Ma’am,” he said before standing up, “We didn’t start on the right foot, you and me, probably because you never chewed your words with me and I hated it. But you were right on most of the things you ever told me. You’re - without a shadow of a doubt - the best friend I ever had. I can’t wait for us to fight like cats and dogs at the nursery home. Feliz cumpleaños, cariño,” he smiled at you and extended his glass so you could toast together, “Also, you’re hot as hell,”

It was an understatement to be honest, but Nick added this comment because he saw the tears forming in your eyes and he refused to see you cry on your birthday, because of something he said. Fortunately, it worked and you laughed instead of crying. “He’s right,” Rafael added with a wink. Of course, none of them missed how your cheeks turned bright red, even if you tried to play it cool.

“I guess it’s my turn now,” Sonny spoke and stood up. But he stayed silent for a moment, “What they said,” he simply said before sitting again.

Mike, Nick and Rafael immediately started to playfully boo him, “You suck man!” Nick exclaimed.

“You usually can’t shut up and now, that’s all you have to say?” Rafael teased him.

“Y/N should have the right to punish you,” Mike added.

“Oh yes, please! Can I punish you?” you eagerly asked.

“Oh honey,” Rafael grabbed your attention, “you don’t ask someone if you can punish them. You just do it,”

“I know, Rafi. But he’s a good catholic boy, remember? We can’t have him running out of the house, praying for our souls,”

“Y/N. You know Sonny is worse then all of us reunited,” Rafael said this so casually, he didn’t realize how it sounded.

“Dominick Carisi, you’re such a liar!” Mike shouted, “you told me you and Raf didn’t hook up!”

“Yeah well, about that? I lied,”

Sonny and Rafael exchanged sweet looks, while you were silently drinking your glass of champagne.. “Are you two dating or something?” Nick asked.

Rafael was about to say something, but Mike stood up in one quick motion and shouted even louder, “Oh my god!” The four of you looked at him, “I think what you should be asking, Nick, is if the three of them are a thing!”

One thing you hate about Mike is how he can read you like an open book. It was hard to hide from him, the night you had with Sonny and Rafael a few months ago. Now, there was no point to lie.

“I can’t believe you three hook up and didn’t say a damn thing,” Nick said.

“To be honest, I’m more offended about not being invited,” Mike added.

That’s how the night took a very different turn.

*****

“I think all the attention should be on the birthday girl,” Rafael said as he was unbuttoning his shirt. You and Sonny were kissing on one side of the couch while Mike and Nick were making out on the other side.

“Raf is right. To be fair, we have an entire weekend in this house,” Mike added.

In a matter of seconds, you were standing in the middle of the master bedroom, with the four men around you. “Mike and Nick need to know the safe word.” Rafael commented, and Sonny took his tongue out of your month to let you speak.

“Armadillo,” you said.

You can’t even begin to describe how you feel about all of this. Those four men just for you? All of their attention on you? That thought only could make cum on the spot. You had to remember the ground rules you had with Sonny and Rafael a few months ago, and the first one is not to overthink. You all know you can trust one another. You’re more safe with those four guys than with one single random guy.

Once the safe word was known to everyone, Sonny remained kissing you. You immediately granted access to his tongue, it was sloppy but passionate. Meanwhile, you felt a pair of hands taking off your top and another one taking care of your pants. “Matching underwear,” Mike commented, as he was the one staring, “You hoped for this, didn’t you?” You smiled against Sonny. You didn’t hope for a gangbang, but yes, you did hope to get lucky. But this was better than anything you hoped for.

“Of course, she did,” you heard Nick’s voice coming from behind you. He gently unhook your bra, freeing your tits and he didn’t waste a second before playing with them. Your nipples were already hard, craving for attention. “She knew she could have any of us,”

“Oh Nick, that’s worse than that. She knew she could have the four of us,” Rafael added, as one of his hands slided in your panties, feeling how hot and wet you were. “Guys, she is dripping,” he let the others know, and he gently started to tease your clit with his thumb.

As Sonny kept kissing you, Nick kept playing with your tits, and Rafael kept teasing your drenched entrance, Mike got undressed. You saw him from the corner of your eyes, and your attention quickly fell on his rock hard erection. He smiled when he noticed where you were looking and started to stroke himself. You locked eyes with him while tentatively trying to touch one of the guy's cock. Your hand landed on Sonny’s crotch and he groaned at the sensation, even through the fabric of his jeans. But Rafael used his free hand to grab your wrist. “Such a needy cock slut,” he said, right next to your ear.

“Maybe Sonny should replace his tongue with his cock,” Nick offered and he felt you nodding. So Sonny stopped kissing you, he briefly took a look at your swollen lips, and your naked body being taken care of by Rafael and Nick.

“Well, Mike, get closer,” Sonny said as he undressed himself, “She loves having two cocks in her mouth. Am I right, Y/N?”

Everything that was happening was too much, you struggled to find your words, so you nodded. But it wasn’t enough for them. “You want to hear you say it,” Mike said after he finally got closer to you.

“I--I want your cocks--” you moaned as Rafael finally entered your core with one finger, “in my month,” you moaned even more when Nick pinched both of your nipples, just enough to make it hurt, “All of them,” you finally added.

To make sure Rafael and Nick could still work on your body, Mike and Sonny stood up on the edge of the bed. Your face was right at their crotch. You took one cock in each hand, gently stroking them, “I think Mike should be first. I already know how your mouth feels,” you agreed and focused on Mike’s cock, but with your other hand still stroking Sonny’s. You softly licked the head, tasting the precum coming out, before taking him in your mouth. Mike let out a huge groan at the feeling, “Man, when was the last time you had a blowjob?” Nick joked.

“Way too long,” he managed to say.

You have to admit, it’s hard to give a good blowjob to a man, while two others are worshipping your body. But Rafael decided to withdraw his hand from your panties and quickly after, you felt a cold breeze as Nick’s hands and body drift away from you. “Don’t forget about Sonny, babygirl,” you heard from the other side of the room.

Your jaw is going to be sore as fuck in the morning as you opened your mouth as much as you could, to take both Sonny’s and Mike’s cocks in. Obviously, they can’t both fit in but it is mostly about playing with the heads and your tongue.

You jolted when you felt a very warm body against your back. You recognized Rafael’s smell. He was fully naked. He held your hips strongly, sliding his hard cock in your panties and stroking it against your ass. You felt his hot breath in your neck before he planted a few wet kisses there.

Your face was a mess. It was a mix of saliva and precum from both men. Your pussy was a mess too. You were so wet, you could feel it on your thighs. You kept sucking Sonny and Mike for a short moment before they made you stop. Mike got down from the bed and kissed you deeply, enjoying the mixture that was there.

Someone finally took your panties off, you don’t know who and you couldn’t care less. You were desperate to be fucked.

*****

The first to get inside you was Nick. You were lying on the bed, a complete mess already, and Nick got on top of you. He gently kissed you, teased your entrance for a short moment before sinking inside your pussy in a slow motion. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned as he bottomed out. He started to thrust you, slow and deep at first.

The sounds you were making were such a turn on to the four men. As Nick was fucking you good, you had no idea where Mike, Sonny and Rafael were, until you felt someone climbing on the bed. When you opened your eyes, you saw Rafael’s face above you and his cock was a few inches from your mouth. “Open that pretty mouth for me,” he said and you obliged. As Nick was fucking your pussy, Rafael was facefucking you. And this was a lot to handle. It didn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm coming up. Your cries were muffled by Rafael’s thick cock as you came, and it brought him an overwhelming sensation that made him groan hard. “Such a good girl, creaming my cock like this,” Nick said. He wasn’t far from coming either. He buried his face in your neck, and he felt your nails crashing on his skull. It took a few more thrusts before he loaded his hot cum inside you, crying out your name.

He stayed on top of you for a moment before pulling out, at the same time Rafael stopped facefucking you and you cried at the emptiness.

“Someone doesn’t like to feel empty?” It was Sonny who talked. He was sitting next to you and he pushed two fingers inside your pussy, taking Nick’s cum back where it belonged. Your body arched at the feeling and you moaned deeply. “So worked up already. But we’re not done with you,”

“You better not,” you laughed.

“Oh, she’s teasing!” Mike exclaimed. “Babygirl, when we're done with you, you won’t be able to sit for weeks. Everyone at the precinct will wonder what happened during the weekend,” he kissed you while Sonny added a third finger inside your core. You felt a second orgams building inside your belly.

“You better not come on Sonny’s fingers,” Rafael warned you, “You’re only allowed to come on our cocks,” you found him in the room and locked eyes with him.

You knew from his expression what he was waiting for, “Yes, sir,” you agreed.

“That’s our good girl,”

Then it was Sonny’s. The man has a soft spot for a good doggy style, so he ordered you to get on all fours and you obeyed. He stroked his cock between your ass cheeks for a moment before sliding inside you so easily. “God, you take us so well, baby,” he said as he started to thrust. He was faster than Nick, and you know from experience that Sonny has incredible stamina. He can rock inside you hard and fast for a long moment.

“You feel so good inside me,” you moaned, “Fuck, Sonny! Yes!”

“That’s right, take that cock, doll,” he said, slamming harder.

As you grabbed the sheets into your fists, you felt someone crawling under you. It was Nick. He laid down and brought your mouth to his in an eager kiss. Sonny kept fucking you, his hands were strongly holding your hips, so you understood it was someone else that spank you. Mike or Rafael, you didn’t know - although, you had an idea; Rafael does love to spank you - and you cried inside Nick’s mouth. Then you felt someone grabbing your arms to lock them in your back. Nick held you close against him, stroking your hair as your second orgasm hit you hard.

Feeling your pussy clenching around his cock, and hearing you cursing non sense, sent Sonny over the edge. He almost collapsed on you as he came deep inside you.

You felt the emptiness when Sonny took his cock out of you but it was quickly filled by someone’s fingers. You were just a pile of lambs on Nick, but you jolted when one of them curled two fingers inside your pussy. “You love that, don’t you? Nick’s and Sonny’s cum mixing inside you,” You don’t know if that’s Rafael that is fingering you but he’s the one talking. You were still catching your breath when the fingers were replaced by a cock teasing your entrance.

“Do you want to keep going, babygirl? We can st--”

“I didn’t say the word, did I, Mike?” you shot.

“Right. Then it’s my turn to fill that pussy,” he didn’t give you the time to answer, he shoved his cock inside your cunt.

“Oh fuck! Mike, yes!”” you cried.

Nick stayed under you as Mike fucked you hard. Mike’s short nails scratched your back as he went in and out of you. He withdrew completely before sinking back and bottoming down. He did that a few times, enjoying your noises every time he hit your sweet spot. “Damn, that pussy is so perfect,” he growled.

“It was made for us,” Sonny said.

On your left, you saw Rafael standing there, stroking his cock as he watched Mike fucking you. You extended your hand to replace his and he let you. “You can’t get enough,” he teased you.

“Never,” you grinned.

Mike grabbed your hair in his fist, bringing your back to his chest. That new angle almost sent you over the edge again. “Holy shit, this feels amazing,” you breathed out. You didn’t notice the look Rafael and Sonny exchanged. You sloppily kept stroking Rafael, while Sonny’s hand found its way to your clit. Mike had to hold you close to him as a third orgasm arrived.

Nick was still laying on the bed, an arm under his head. “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s like my very own porn movie,”

“Get ready to take a new part in it,” Sonny winked at him.

“Working on it,” he said, stroking his semi hard cock.

Sonny chuckled before burying his face in your chest. He sucked on your nipples, and kept playing with your clit. “Jesus, fuck! I--I’m--coming,” you managed to say as your third orgasm hit. You held onto Sonny’s shoulder for dear life, Mike was slamming so hard and fast inside you, chasing his own orgasm. He bit your shoulder as he emptied himself deep inside you, adding his semence to Sonny’s and Nick’s.

You collapsed in Sonny’s arms and he gently laid you on the bed, next to Nick. Mike was catching his breath on the edge of the bed. “Water,” you managed to say.

Not that it mattered, but Nick seems to be the best for the aftercare. He gently stroked your hair, and planted sweet kisses all over your face. Sonny came back with water for everyone. All of this is more than amazing, this can’t be compared to anything you ever experienced before but you gladly enjoyed the water break.

As you were sitting on the bed, Rafael grabbed your face to kiss you. It was soft, almost loving. Your hands traveled his hairy chest as you granted access to his tongue. You fell on your back, taking him with you. “You okay?” he whispered.

“Never better. Fuck me, Raf,”

On the other side of the bed, Nick chuckled. “Three cocks, three orgasms and she is still asking for it. You’re such a pretty slut, Y/N, aren't you?”

“I’m your slut. To the four of you,” you smiled at him.

Rafael teased your entrance with his cock as he was kissing and nipping your neck. Your pussy was a wet and sticky mess. The other men fucked you open, Rafael slided inside you so easily. To be honest, he wasn’t far from coming already after everything he witnessed and you wrapped him so perfectly, it was overwhelming.

You moaned loudly in his ear, your nails digging in his skull. As he thrusted into you, he couldn’t help but to slap your thigh, since he can’t reach your ass for a proper spank. But you could reach his, so you returned the favor. It took him by surprise, so did the growl he let out. “Someone likes to be spank,” Sonny commented, before duplicating your action on Rafael’s ass.

Another spank, but this time from Mike. And one from Nick. You loved having all the attention from the guys, but you have to admit that this brings something else to you. Hopefully this will be repeated before you go back to New York, but this time, this will be an orgy, instead of a gangbang.

You bit Rafael’s bottom lip, as he thrusted fast and hard inside you. “Give it to me, Raf. I need you to cum inside me, just like them,” he crashed his lips on yours, as a hand traveled between the two of you to play with your clit. You were oversensitive, and exhausted, you weren’t sure you could have a fourth orgasm before it hit you. You wrapped your arms around Rafael’s neck, “That’s right, babygirl, let it go. Cum on my cock,” he said in your ear, huskily.

That was exactly what you needed to cum one more time. Rafael’s thrusts became sloppy as he chased his relief. Finally, he added his liquid to the mixture and collapsed on you.

*****

“I have to admit, I’m so glad everyone else canceled,” you confessed, laying like a sea star on the bed. Obviously, the four men agreed with you.

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” they all said at the same time.

Best fucking birthday ever.

[zuko-always-lies]

Why Azula Staying a Villain Will Only Lead To Bad Stories Part 2: Negative Effects on Other Characters, World Building, Lore, and Thematic Expression[Submitted by justanotherthrowaway1950]

Part 1 Link: https://zuko-always-lies.tumblr.com/post/662081384160067584/why-azula-staying-a-villain-will-only-lead-to-bad#notes

I know already in part 1 how I briefly mentioned how keeping Azula a villain causes everyone to start acting stupid and incompetent (and thus denigrating them and their arcs/character growth) whenever Azula is involved so Azula can remain a credible threat despite The Gaang all being masters in their respective fields and having the resources of several nation-states at their beck and call plus a PMC (The White Lotus).

But I understand that I didn’t go into details and so my analysis was lackluster at best and very controversial at worse. So I am going to go into detail based on importance and with that said here I go.

Zuko (The Search)

Realistically, other than some minor complaints most people agree that TV!Zuko’s arc is one of the greatest in Western Animation. For the tale of someone who had at times almost given into his abuse and conditioning but, with the help of loving Uncle, his travels, and mercy/compassion showed to him by his enemies/future friends, he had managed to overcome it and start the journey of not only becoming a better person, but also help his country heal after several decades of propaganda and brainwashing.

And part of said arc is what he comes to realize about Azula: that she is not worth emulating; that she is abusive to him and the people he cares about like Mai and Ty Lee; and that she (a genocidal authoritarian colonizer) needs to be stopped and locked up by any means, even if it hurts him. For it is the only way that the world and his country can achieve peace and balance once again…that is until Azula starts showing signs that either she has realized the error of her ways or that she wants to take a new path, but needs help finding it.

But, in an effort to allow Azula to become a villain again, Bryke has Zuko engage in several actions that not only betray his character growth, but worse, aren’t really explained and negatively reflect on him.

Like, during that conference concerning Yu Dao where Zuko “realizes” that the sorry state of his nuclear family negatively reflects on him, why would Zuko care suddenly about what his subjects think of him? 

Did Zuko forget that basically he not only betrayed his nation and caused them to lose a war they had already won, but is also forcing them to pay reparations (as is said in North & South)? 

And that he is going to remain a pariah in his subject’s eyes until he manages to undo the decades of brainwashing considering his only real allies are foreigners, Iroh (who is just as much of a traitor in the FN’s eyes as Zuko), and Mai (who committed treason that led to the FN’s lost) & Ty Lee (who did commit a less extreme version of treason but immediately post-war left to join a foregin military/PMC, which would look suspect in the populance’s eyes)?

But things really start to go sideways when he goes to Azula’s asylum to get Azula to extract intel from Ozai about Ursa, allows the two to talk alone, and foolishly wheels Azula alone while promising to move her back into the palace.

Like when he went to the asylum, how come he didn’t ask them about Azula’s treatment and whether it was safe to take her out to see Ozai (her abuser and co-conspirator), let alone take her back to the palace? Maybe he would have found out she was being abused in the asylum and he could have done something about it so Azula and her fellow inmates could be treated better.

But maybe not considering it is Azula and she deserves to be abused for making Zuko’s life hard from the moment she was born.

Like why would he allow Azula and Ozai to talk alone considering their conniving natures and the fact that they are the two biggest threats to his regime (at least politically)?

Why would he wheel Azula alone, especially after Ty Lee told him that the chi-blocking is wearing off? For I know this depends on how much Ty Lee knows about chi-blocking and its effects (I’ll talk about this more in Ty Lee’s section), but Azula has already shown that she is still hostile/violent towards Zuko. That in combination with her previous showings of being able to escape nearly any situation she finds herself in should have made Zuko wary of being alone with Azula when the chi-blocking wears off instead of trying to have a soft brother-sister moment.

And then that whole sequence where Azula breaks free, and manages to burn every single letter in Ozai’s chest, save for the “Zuko is Ikem’s bastard” letter before blackmailing him into going on the search free, unbound, and with dignity. *Sigh*

Like why would Zuko shoot a fireball of the perfect size and speed that would allow Azula to break free of the chains on her legs instead of, I don’t know, calling the rest of his elite guard to subdue Azula? Especially after she has managed to bullshit instant lighting out of nowhere and thus has tricks that Zuko does not know about?

After Zuko had caught up to her and found out that she had supposedly burned every single letter and tried blackmailing him into going on the search for Ursa free and unbound, how come Zuko didn’t pat her down? For even if he had no way of knowing that she had that “bastard” letter, wouldn’t it be wise to check if she hid any letter on her body? 

I mean this is one of the most trickiest characters in the franchise so why not be extra cautious?

And the whole blackmail situation? Look I understand why Zuko agreed to Azula’s terms for who doesn’t want to find out what happened to their beloved mother? But doesn’t Zuko have a responsibility and duty to the world and his subjects to make sure that Azula remains in jail until she at least tries to reform herself? 

I know this sounds callous, but the moment Azula tried blackmailing him, he should have told her that finding Ursa was not worth letting Azula free and should have jailed her again. For why run the risk that Azula could do something horrible or escape? I mean what could go wrong if she escaped…?

Also, even if she had to be free, unbound, and travel with dignity, why didn’t Zuko have a small platoon with him? For even if he did have The Avatar and the world’s greatest waterbender by his side, shouldn’t Zuko have taken precautions in the event that Aang and Katara got separated from them, leaving just him (I know Zuko is stronger than Crazy!Azula but not to the point that she couldn’t cheapshot him) and Sokka (I know he is a badass, but as of current canon he is still weaker than Crazy!Azula) with her?

But most galling is the fact that he made this decision unilaterally without asking Mai and Ty Lee for their opinion, or, if he was adamant about agreeing to Azula’s terms, not providing them with 24/7 security until Azula was safely back in the asylum and/or prison.

For Azula was not just Zuko’s abuser, she was Mai and Ty Lee’s abusive friend and commander before almost killing Mai (The Boiling Rock Part 2 script said Azula was going to generate lightning) and then throwing the two into jail for life.

Considering that Mai saved Zuko’s life, that Ty Lee saved Mai (who is the love of Zuko’s life) and is part of Zuko’s current protection team, and that the both of them are closest thing to childhood friends that Zuko has, why didn’t Zuko treat them with the respect they deserved? Especially since post-redemption Zuko is someone who is supposed to be empathetic and caring?

But moving on to the rest of The Search, how come after Zuko found out about the “bastard” letter, how come he didn’t burn it? For even if he did want to find out the truth, isn’t it more important that he prevents a civil war by not allowing his “illegitimacy” to become public knowledge. At least until he can give power to Iroh in the case that he was truly a bastard?

Or, even if he didn’t want to burn the letter until Ursa confirmed the accuracy of it, why would he allow Azula to keep it on her person? I mean, what would have happened if she had managed to escape with it on her person? 

Sunshine and roses or a bloody civil war that threatens to undo everything Zuko and his friends fought for in the war?

Which ties into my last point about Zuko’s behavior in The Search (and to segue way into Smoke and Shadow) why the hell did Zuko not chase after Azula?!

For even if he would be risking his life and potentially Noriko’s, couldn’t Zuko have seen the danger in letting Azula free? Especially considering as far as he knew she still had the letter on her person?

Or, once Ursa had her face and memories restored, how come he didn’t leave Katara with Ursa and her family, and search for Azula with Aang and Sokka?

Did Zuko forget that it was all his fault in the first place that his life, as well as Noriko’s, was in danger and that he had a responsibility to the world, his country, and his friends to make sure Azula got back into his custody?

But anyway, even if Azula was still free, at least Azula is no longer a threat to Zuko, his regime, and/or anyone he cares about? 

Right?

Zuko (Smoke & Shadow)

After searching for Azula for a couple of weeks, he goes home and tells Ursa that he “tried.”

But did he really? Cause if we take his word at face value do you know what that means?

(Note: I think his statement could be interpreted to mean that Aang, Katara, Sokka, and him spent weeks searching the old fashioned way. But if that was the case he really didn’t try considering all the options he had. So I am taking Zuko’s statement at face value.)

That means a mentally broken Azula with no allies or no resources, managed to avoid an Avatar State powered seismic sense, June’s shirshu, Toph’s seismic sense, as well as anyone Iroh and/or the White Lotus sent over to help Zuko find his sister.

Do you know what that implies about the competency of everyone involved? How bad that makes them all look?

Anyway moving on, it appears that not only did Zuko fail to issue a public proclamation that Azula had escaped but also failed to give Ty Lee and Mai (and their families) protection. 

For if he had issued a proclamation maybe Azula would have been found earlier instead of being able to break six girls out of her asylum or manipulate the New Ozai Society (NOS)/Safe Nation Society. And in regards to Ty Lee and Mai, even if he felt they didn’t need protection while Azula was free but by his side, the moment she managed to escape him, he should have given them and their families protection.

For Zuko didn’t know that Azula wasn’t seeking revenge; as far as he knew she probably was going to kill everyone between her and the throne, including everyone who betrayed her. And even if Zuko hadn’t seen Mai since their break up, Ty Lee is part of his detail and thus Zuko should have realized how paranoid and scared she was and asked her what he could have done to alleviate her fears as well as her best friend Mai’s as well.

And Zuko still makes similar grave errors even after he finds out that Azula is behind the kidnappings and after he had found out that she had been manipulating the NOS/Safe Nation Society as part of a long-term plan to turn Zuko into a tyrant.

For after Kiyi’s kidnapping, instead of issuing curfews, searching Caldera City citizen’s homes without cause, and engaging in mass jailing of anyone who was on the streets when the Safe Nation Society was rioting he should have called all of the Gaang and had Iroh call the White Lotus before starting an all out manhunt for Azula and her followers.

And he especially should have done this after she told him his plan and he found that Aang had gotten knocked out by Azula’s henchwomen.

For not only has Azula basically gotten rid of his trump card over her (lighting redirection), she has become the GOAT lighting manipulator and H2H fighter in ATLA. That, combined with her and her Fire Warrior’s smoke bending abilities, makes them the biggest threat to Zuko’s throne and world peace. 

Thus, Zuko should have spent every waking moment hunting down Azula instead of doing stupid shit like going on a diplomatic trip to the South Pole. 

For I admit the image of the leaders and the most important people in the four nations eating with each other is a powerful one, but it is still hollow as long as the biggest threat to the post-world order is still roaming free and plotting to bring it to an end.

Aang (The Search)

Right off the bat when Zuko told him about the whole blackmail situation he should have either said ok but call in Toph as well as anyone else who he thought was needed or told Zuko that finding his mother was not worth it since the was a chance, no matter how small, that Azula could escape and put Azula back in the asylum himself.

For yeah, I know the first point sounds OOC but Aang out of all people should know how dangerous Azula is (the lighting wounds on his left foot and back say hi) and thus take the proper precautions. 

And yes, I know the second point sounds really OOC but doesn’t Aang know that his duty isn’t to his friends but to the world? And thus even if it hurts, he has to prioritize the world’s safety over his friend’s well-being and thus not allow arguably the most dangerous (both politically and bending wise) non-Avatar person in the world any chance of escaping?

Especially when it appears the only thing Azula regrets is losing and not any of the actions she took during the war?

But alas, this blatant disregard towards his duty as an Avatar continues not only when he finds that “bastard” letter with Zuko, but also when he fails to give chase to Azula after helping Ursa restore her face and memories.

For even after Zuko refused to burn the letter because he wanted to find out the truth, Aang should have taken the letter and burned it, or at least not let the letter get back into Azula’s hands.

For if that letter ever became public, it would ruin everything that Aang fought for in the war, for either Iroh (an old man who has no inclination to produce heirs as far as canon is concerned) would have to take the throne to prevent Ozai and/or Azula for taking it or it would cause a massive civil war considering Zuko is already on thin ice with his subjects.

And once he had helped Ursa restore her face, he should have entered the Avatar State and used his seismic sense before entering his elemental shield to look for Azula. 

For even if Azula is mentally broken at that point, she is still a Top 4 fire-bender, at worst, in the world with a strong claim to the throne and thus should be his highest priority. Not staying by Zuko’s side, especially now that he has been reunited with his mother and can adequately protect Ursa and her family now.

Aang (Smoke and Shadow)

Assuming that we take Zuko’s comments at face value about how he tried, what does that say about Aang that Azula not only managed to escape his Avatar powered seismic sense, but also that even with his elemental shield providing unmatched mobility, he still couldn’t find Azula?

But moving onto something that requires no assumptions: what he did, or didn’t, do after finding out that Azula was behind the Kemurikage kidnappings due to working with the New Ozai Society.

Why didn’t Aang call in the rest of The Gaang and/or White Lotus to help apprehend Azula? For the worst case scenario has happened and Azula is actively working to restore the old regime (as far as Aang knows at this point), has become the strongest firebender and H2H fighter in the world, and has regained her sanity (as far as he knows).

Considering all the harm Azula has caused, and is currently causing, how come Aang didn’t take every measure to make sure that Azula would get back into their custody as well as make sure the kidnapped kids were in no danger whatsoever?

How come when he went into that room to help rescue the kids, how come he didn’t have his guard up or enter the room with his elemental shield up?

For Aang knows that The Fire Warriors have smoke-bending abilities, it was smoke (combined with volcanic gases) that had killed his predecessor, and that the Fire Warriors are seditious, mass child kidnappers in league with Azula. 

So why didn’t Aang take them seriously?

For if Aang wasn’t protected by the fact that he has to die as a 66 year old man (LoK), after the Fire Warriors had knocked him out, they would have killed him instead of monologuing just long enough for Mai and Kei Lo to save him by knocking out the Warriors.

And then what? A world without a fully realized Avatar that is liable to fall back into war long before his successor could be identified and become a fully realized Avatar. Especially if Azula had killed Zuko in after their tomb shuffle, leaving no one really able to fight back against The Fire Warriors as they consolidate power and restart the 100 year war as far as Aang knows.

But most galling in my opinion is how Aang doesn’t drop everything and lead an all out manhunt for Azula and The Fire Warriors, especially once he found out that their true goal is to break Zuko and make him into a tyrant. For Aang out of all people should know what Azula is capable of when she is “sane.”

So why does he fuck off?! 

What is he going to say when The Fire Warriors do something irredeemable and/or unfixable and so Zuko and him and have to explain to the world community why Azula got free in the first place, why they lied about her involvement with The Kemurikage kidnappings, and why she has managed to avoid capture despite no longer having a nation-state backing her (and her lack of resources in general considering she is a homeless, penniless fugitive), and the fact that she is no match for the Avatar State (or even a bloodlusted 4 element Aang)?

Mai

A lot of people hate on Mai, calling her a bad, high-maintenance girlfriend who doesn’t understand Zuko and an undeveloped character among other things.

But I think TV!show Mai was a loving girlfriend who was trying her best with a boyfriend dealing with trauma on top of his precarious position in court before ultimately betraying her and her country without any warning from her POV.

Moreover, for a tertiary character, I think her arc is short, sweet, and powerful: she was a girl who was heavily implied to be forced into an abusive friendship for the sake of her father’s political career in addition to having to suppress her true emotions.

But, thanks to her boyfriend having the courage to stand up against their abusers, she learns to stand up against her abuser, while also helping her real best friend find the courage to also stand up against their mutual abuser, and is on the path to healing and learning how to establish healthy relationships.

In other words, Mai learns that she doesn’t have to put her head down and ignore her emotions/capacity for love. And it is this realization that allows her to help create the promise for a better day for herself, her boyfriend, her best friend, and the rest of the world, including her own nation once they come to the same realizations as she has.

But instead of continuing on that path, the comics have her completely forget the realization she had and have her behave OOC, in my opinion, in several contexts.

For even if she, like Ty Lee, where completely done dirty by Zuko in that he let Azula free without asking them how they felt about it before losing her and having the gall to not assign protection to them and their families until he recovers Azula, it doesn’t excuse the fact she hid from Zuko/the proper authorities the existence of the New Ozai Society and that her father and “boyfriend” where members of it, with her father leading and funding it as well.

For it is quite obvious what are the out-of-universe explanations for why Mai didn’t go straight to the palace after The Rebound (so Azula, who no longer has a nation-state backing her, would have the means and funds to manipulate terrorist groups as well as house her kidnapped kids as part of a longer plot to make Zuko snap) and tell Zuko but there is no good-in universe answer that is inline with her previously established character.

For when did Mai suddenly care about her father to the point that she was willing to commit treason by supporting, or at least covering up, his seditious plot? 

For didn’t Mai, as part of betrayal at the Boiling Rock, essentially betray her father and the rest of her family in favor of Zuko?

Moreover, why would she prioritize her father and his potential political power considering what would happen if Ozai ever got back into power? For I know Avatar is a children’s franchise but I am pretty sure one of Ozai’s first acts once he got back on the throne after he had Zuko, Ursa, Iroh, Noren, and Kiyi killed, would be killing her and Ty Lee for their treason. 

Especially considering that if hadn’t turned when she did, half the Gaang would have died and Ozai would have very likely won the war. For without Aang learning lighting redirection, unless rock-kun (rock-kun is the younger cousin of Naruto’s swing-kun) intervenes much earlier, Aang dies to Ozai’s lighting spam and no one else on the remaining Team Avatar is a match for Comet!Ozai except in the very unlikely chance Katara manages to develop 24/7 blood-bending in the aftermath of her brother’s death.

But alas, Mai decides to act in an OOC manner and hides from Zuko the existence of The New Ozai Society/Safe Nation Society until her Zuko’s half-sister, along with her brother, have been kidnapped by The Fire Warriors after Zuko, Ursa, Noren, and Kiyi barely survived a New Ozai Society ambush.

And by barely, I mean if it wasn’t for the combination of Ukano’s monologue, Kei Lo’s last minute heel-face turn, and Zuko managing to bullshit the greatest non-Avatar fire redirection feat in the franchise, Zuko and his family would have been burned to death and/or brutally stabbed to death.

But even more galling, when confronted with her treason, Mai claims that Zuko out of all people should know how hard it is to betray your father as if there wasn’t a difference between betraying the all powerful ruler of your country who has a cult of personality, has burned you before, can quickly fire off lethal amounts of lighting on command, and has said before he wanted to kill you versus betraying your mentally and physically weak father who rejected being integrated into the new government and seeks to put someone back in power who would likely kill you for committing treason against him.

Especially that Zuko accepts her explanation and no one in-universe or the narrative never challenges Mai on why she committed treason again.

For I understand that Mai is a tertiary character, and thus can’t have the same narrative focus in regards to her redemption arc like Zuko. But if the narrative is going to treat Mai as a hundred percent redeemed good guy, she should be held to the same standards and be criticized when she acts in a villainous manner.

But yet again, the comics fail to challenge Zuko for almost restarting the Hundred Year War instead of calmly showing Aang and Kuei why he revoked his unconditional support for the Harmony Restoration Movement so why should we expect any “hero” to face any criticism?

Ukano

How come Ukano was willing to work with Azula to restore Ozai for the sake of his nation and family when not only is Fire Lord Zuko indebted to him for life due to Mai saving him at The Boiling Rock (not to mention Zuko offering him a job when his governorship disappeared after Bumi retook Omashu), but also when one of the first things Ozai would do after taking back power is killing Mai for her treason (imo, it is clear that after Zuko’s defection, the only punishment for treason was death, with no chance for life in prison like Iroh had)?

What is Ukano’s plan for dealing with a fully realized Avatar considering that Ozai with Sozin’s Comet got utterly stomped by Aang? I don’t think it is wise, or in line with someone leading a vast seditious conspiracy, to rely on Azula getting another cheap shot on Aang or The Fire Warriors able to get one over Aang using their smoke-bending.

Also, as a matter of storytelling, why should I root for his heel-face turn and acceptance of his prison sentence when one of the last things he does before being sent to prison is subtly imply that he was manipulated/coerced by Azula.

For in-universe, didn’t Ukano have several opportunities to tell Aang and Zuko about the kidnapped kids? And out of universe, even if Azula is extremely dangerous, it is kind of pathetic to hear a grown-ass man essentially be bullied by a bunch of mentally ill teenagers.

I mean how would you react if someone in a similar situation tried pulling Ukano’s excuse? 

Sympathy or mockery?

But in any case, how am I supposed to feel that even if Ukano has to go to jail, he at least did good by standing up to Azula and her followers if Ukano tries to deflect blame by blaming Azula?

I mean, would Zuko’s apology to The Gaang during The Western Air Temple felt as sincere if he blamed Azula’s manipulations and the promise of his father’s love for why he acted the way he did during The Crossroads of Destiny even if it were valid explanations for his behavior? 

Would the audience have so readily accepted Zuko into The Gaang if Zuko didn’t take sole responsibility for his actions?

Ozai & Ursa (The Letter)

Note: Ursa is a kidnapping victim who is highly implied to never had consensual sex with Ozai and thus her kids were highly likely to be conceived without her consent. The combined trauma combined with the fact that Ozai had all the power in the household in addition to his emotional and (heavily implied by artwork) physical abuse explains almost all of her bad parenting decisions and behavior towards Azula and Zuko…except for what I am going to describe below imo. So the point of this is just to make it clear that I don’t blame Ursa for what went wrong in Zuko’s or Azula’s life, for the responsibility solely lies on Azulon and Ozai’s shoulders, I am just criticizing one particular choice she made in-universe and the creators’ out of universe decision to make her act in that fashion.

Most people talk about the letter in relation to Zuko and how it affects him but I have a very hot take: the letter only really exists to allow Azula to be a credible antagonist during The Search considering her still mentally broken state and the fact that Zuko, Katara, and/or Aang where keeping eyes on her at all times. 

That and to also facilitate a means for Azula to get free of her restraints and eventually escape Zuko’s custody because without blackmailing Zuko, Azula would have never been free, unbound, and treated with dignity.

Also, the letter serves to unnecessarily woobify Zuko but that is not the focus of this post.

So with that in mind, let’s delve into what that letter implies Ursa’s and Ozai’s characters.

In regards to Ursa, I find it hard to believe that someone who basically begged for her son’s life and constantly shielded him to the best of her abilities would reckless endanger Zuko’s life by writing a letter that claimed Ikem, not Ozai, was Zuko’s father.

For Ursa, out of all people, should know that she, along with Zuko, only have value to the Royal Family if Zuko is Ozai’s kid. And that if Ozai was so inclined, he could have used the letter to kil Zuko and/or herself.

And even if it is a hundred percent Ozai’s fault that he used the letter as an excuse to essentially treat Zuko as a bastard (though personally I think Ozai just continued treated Zuko the way he previously did and just said that to further emotionally abuse Ursa), why would Ursa ever give Ozai the means to (further) torment her beloved son? Especially when she knows Ozai, and most likely Azulon considering how quick he was to order Zuko’s death to punish Ozai, has it out for Zuko?

In regards to Ozai, the letter, and what he did and didn’t do with it, makes him even more incomptenent than what previous canon suggested.

For even if he couldn’t have used the letter during Azulon’s reign to get rid of Zuko and/or Ursa (ex. Due to fear of retaliation from Azulon due to being a “cuck”), how come he didn’t use the letter to disinherit Zuko, instead of burning Zuko and having to cover it up?

Or, after Zuko went full traitor, how come Ozai didn’t use the letter to ensure that Zuko could never inherit the throne…at least through his claim as Ozai’s son (Iroh could have adopted Zuko and then abdicated in favor of Zuko)?

Iroh

I understand that Iroh is technically retired and doesn’t have to do anything. Moreover, I understand that the adults in child/teenage led action-adventure series can’t really be as proactive and/or responsible as IRL adults due to the constraints of the genre.

But Iroh is still involved in politics as seen by his willingness to serve as Zuko’s temporary Fire Lord when Zuko is gone. Moreover, Legacy of The Fire Nation does say that Iroh is still a White Lotus Grandmaster during the period the White Lotus becomes the Avatar world’s version of the UN Peacekeepers.

So with that in mind, we can criticize his lack of proactiveness in regards to Azula. For even taking away the assumption that Iroh offered the White Lotus’ help to find Azula after she ran into The Forgetful Forest, how come after Azula has been found to be masterminding the Kemurikage kidnappings, or after Azula revealed her plan to turn Zuko into a dictator, Iroh didn’t drop everything, call up the White Lotus, and lead a manhunt for The Fire Warriors?

For not only is Azula the biggest threat to world peace and balance in their world, she is the biggest threat to Zuko throne and safety. Especially after she has removed Iroh and Zuko’s one trump card over her (lighting redirection) and is arguably way stronger (at least as a combatant) than Ozai ever was.

For someone who lost his son and watched his beloved nephew be abused due to the effects of the Fire Nation’s imperialism and authoritarianism, why doesn’t Iroh make sure that the horrors of the past just stay in the past? Especially when he has the power, means, and connections this time around to make sure no one ever gets hurt again, not now and not in the future?

Ty Lee

In regards to The Search, Ty Lee was mistreated by Zuko when he first took Azula out without asking Mai or her about their feelings and then when he had the gall to lose her without granting her and Mai (and their families) 24/7 protection.

Though if Ty Lee is as much of a chi-blocking master as the narrative implies, when she warned Zuko that Azula’s chi-blocking was wearing off, she should have also warned him that there would be a period of time that Azula would be super flexible and have full control of her muscles and chi.

For even if Ty Lee had no idea that Azula had apparently learned instant lighting in the two years she had spent in the asylum, Azula is still capable of short bursts of fire that could have disoriented Zuko, leading to a similar outcome as to what actually happened in canon once Azula had the above period of time.

But moving on to something much more concrete, Ty Lee remembering the Fire Nation Palace’s secret tunnels and being able to pinpoint locate the one leading to Azula’s secret lair has some very negative implications about Ty Lee.

For even if she says it in a really roundabout way, The Sisters comics has Ty Lee say that she joined The Kyoshi Warriors at least in part to make up for the imperialism she helped perpetuate under Azula’s command.

Moreover, The Kyoshi Warriors agreed to be Zuko’s bodyguards in order to help protect the fragile peace that The Gaang helped establish at the end of the war. And in order to do so that means they have to be able to secure the Fire Nation Palace to the best of their abilities.

However, despite knowing about these secret tunnels, Ty Lee apparently never mentioned them in the year that the Kyoshi Warriors had been in The Fire Nation (The Promise takes place one year after Sozin’s Comet Part 4; The Kyoshi Warriors become Zuko’s bodyguards during The Promise; The Search takes place one year after The Search with the main plot of Smoke and Shadow taking place a couple of months after the climax of The Search).

And this lead to not only The Fire Warriors being able to walk into the palace and almost kidnap Kiyi unmolested (in fact, if it wasn’t for their smoke, The Fire Warriors would have kidnapped Kiyi without anyone being wiser), but for an entire conspiracy to operate right under their noses.

Not to mention what could have happened if The Fire Warriors where a little bit less mentally ill and used the fact that they had access to secret tunnels that no one knew about to do the obvious: carry out covert assassinations of all their enemies, which, depending on the time, could include important foreign figures like Aang, Katara, and Sokka.

Making things worse is that just like Mai really wasn’t challenged narratively or by anyone in-universe for her treason, Ty Lee is never challenged by the narrative or by her fellow warriors, Zuko, and/or Aang for knowing such a gaping security hole and not telling anyone earlier.

I mean the lack of knowledge of the secret tunnels could help, partially at least, explain why Zuko faced so many assination attempts, like Kori’s, that got frighteningly close to killing him. 

For instead of his original guard being disloyal and/or incomptenent, they could have had a lack of knowledge about the tunnels and thus didn’t know how to protectly seal them off and/or monitor them for threats.

Like I understand Azula being freed probably impacted her ability to think rationally (Ty Lee all but says she hasn’t had a peaceful night of sleep ever since Azula got out) but it doesn’t excuse the fact that she forgot to tell anyone about this security gap beforehand.

For doesn’t Ty Lee have a professional and moral duty to protect the Fire Nation palace and The Royal Family to the best of her abilities?

Kei Lo

I don’t hold him to the same standards as the heroes and outright adults in this analysis since  most of Rebound and Smoke and Shadow was about his heel-face turn and redemption arc.

But there is one thing that does bother me about post-redemption Kei Lo’s actions and this is when he attacked Azula in The Garden of Tranquil Souls without any apparent plan and got himself turned into a (brief) hostage.

For I understand that it was a moment to not only show how far Kei Lo had, but also to show Azula evilness by mocking Mai’s taste in men and implicitly threatening his life for daring to touch her/interrupt her “dialogue” bullying, assault, and psychological torture of with Mai.

But looking at Kei Lo’s actions from the bigger picture, they don’t really make sense and don’t paint a good picture of Kei Lo at all.

For Kei Lo had not only seen Mai defeat an entire NOS hideout with a toddler strapped to her back, Kei Lo was in fact the last person she fought before she left (spoiler alert: it was a total curb stomp battle).

Moreover, during the time that he had spent dating Mai and spent with Zuko and Aang, it is highly unlikely that the topic of Azula didn’t come up even if there was no comic panels showing us this (when you have limited space, you can’t waste panels on “superfluous” dialogue) and should have known that just like Mai was way out of league in terms of combat prowess, Azula is similarly beyond his abilities.

In addition, even if he didn’t believe what people mostly likely told him about Azula, he should have believed his own eyes as he wanted Azula basically toy with Mai despite Mai actually fighting with true lethal intent (I know some people might disagree with me but the art makes it clear that Mai was trying to kill Azula and not just pin her).

And finally, instead of rationally thinking and trying to get Zuko and/or Aang’s attention so someone way more equipped could help rescue Mai, he charges at Azula. But instead of using his knife or trying to get Azula into a chokehold, he just shoves her. 

Allowing Azula to not only shoot him with concussive lighting but then hold him at firepoint, forcing Mai, who had been able to stand up to Azula, albeit terribly I admit, to basically beg for Kei Lo’s life and leave herself vulnerable to Azula’s attacks as well.

For I know they are not analogous situations, but what Kei Lo did reminds me of dumbasses who try to intervene in active shooting situations, thinking they can be the hero, but end up making things worse due to being taken hostage, if they aren’t outright killed, making a peacefully resolution that much harder for the relevant authorities.

Likewise, Kei Lo, by getting himself taken hostage, could have, and should have as far as he knew, led to a nasty outcome. 

For as far as he knows, Azula is a sadistic, seditious, child-killing, child kidnapping, genocidal domestic terrorist who has no qualms about killing or cruelly treating “friends” or family. And so what is not to say that Azula wouldn’t have tortured him to get back at Mai and/or tortured Mai in front of him, forcing Mai to take her cruel punishment in order to prevent Azula from killing her boyfriend?

Kei Lo is very lucky that Zuko intervened when he did and is even more lucky that Azula was more interested in making her brother “strong” than really hurting anyone.

But instead of showing everyone berating him after the kids had been rescued, there was no narrative time spent at all. 

Which leads me to believe that that particular moment just happened, in part, just to showcase how vile Azula is despite in not being in line, imo, with the conscientious and aware person Kei Lo seemed to be growing into (as seen when he broke up with Mai since he realized despite being aloof for Smoke and Shadow that Mai could never get over Zuko).

Sokka & Katara

There isn’t much to say other than they were the only ones who interacted with post-canon Azula who treated her like the threat she.

That and it was obvious they were written out of Smoke and Shadow before Azula’s involvement with the kidnappings was revealed because if they were still in the Fire Nation when it happened, Azula and her girl gang would be back in jail instead of remaining menaces to society. 

Or at least at bare minimum they would have had to work much harder during the climax (ex. The Fire Warriors, including Azula, would have had to fight with lethal intent).

Toph

Other than the assumption that Toph helped Zuko search for Azula after the climax of The Search, all I have to say is that there is a good reason why Toph has not really shown up in any of the comics Azula has been. 

And that is because Toph would have never tolerated any of Azula’s bullshit or treated her with kid gloves instead of the genocidal war criminal who is still trying to negatively influence Fire Nation politics that she is as of current canon.

Other World Leaders

Note: Yes, there is no evidence that Azula was part of the war council meeting that ordered the attack on the Northern Water Tribe. But considering how comfortable Azula was in the “let’s burn down The Earth Kingdom” war council meeting plus the fact that Iroh thought it was appropriate for a 13 year old Zuko to partake in a war council meeting, I don’t think it is that much of a leap to assume that Azula was part of the war council meeting that ordered the Northern Water Tribe attack.

From Kuei’s perspective, Azula led a coup that ended with him in exile before suggesting and helping plan a genocide of his people. From Hakoda’s perspective, Azula almost killed both of his children several times. From Chief Arnook’s perspective, Azula was part of the war council that decided to not only invade his country, but to also kill the Moon Spirit and indirectly force his beloved daughter to sacrifice her life to restore said spirit.

So once Azula gets into Zuko’s custody, shouldn’t they have had established monitoring protocols to make sure that Zuko, who had less than six months ago willingly worked with her to conqueror Ba Sing Se and help Azula kill Aang, keeps one of the most dangerous war criminals in their world locked up while also establishing contingency plans to deal with scenarios in which Azula escapes?

Especially since Aang took mercy on her and didn’t remove her bending, meaning that Azula could grow stronger if she ever escapes (though I guess being in an asylum does allow for exponential growth anyway…) and eventually be able to get a cheap shot on Aang again before violently retaking the throne and restarting the 100 year war?

But instead of doing that, they naively trust that Zuko will keep Azula locked up without any check-ups (none of Zuko’s interactions with Kuei or Hadoka ever imply the topic of Azula’s status ever comes up). And while I understand the meta-reason for this (so it is more believable that Azula could remain an undetectable fugitive), it still has the potential to make them all look really, really bad.

For what happens, for example, The Fire Warriors create an international false flag terrorist attack that gets people from the other nations killed, in addition to Fire Nationals, that leads to a short skirmish that gets even more people killed before The Fire Warriors are found to be the true culprits and dealt with.

For even if they manage to capture The Fire Warriors, how are the world leaders going to explain to their subjects/citizens the lack of security measures they took in ensuring that Azula stayed in jailed or, if she ever escaped, the lack of plans to make sure she was apprehended as swiftly as possible?

Moreover, how are they going to explain the fact that they naively wholeheartedly trusted Zuko to make sure that Azula remained in prison or, if she escaped, that he would tell them and ask for their help if needed in apprehending her instead of trying to cover up the fact that it was his selfish desire to find mommy that gave the most dangerous person on the planet the means to escape? 

Especially after the Yu Dao fiasco showed that Zuko might not be the most trustworthy or reliable partner?

Do any of them take their responsibilities seriously!? No and that is why the Red Lotus had a point for why should a bunch of clowns be in charge of nation-states if they can’t even use state power to properly protect people.

Bending & Combat

One of the more endearing things about Avatar is the fact that its combat & magic system is based on IRL martial arts. And this is reflected in the fact that all of the named prodigies except for Katara & Sokka (who likely the greatest prodigies in the franchise in terms of speed of skill acquisition and mastery) have undergone years of rigorous training to be the master benders and fighters that they are shown to be in the show.

Moreover, the show explains that bending & fighting are not just martial arts, but are also a spiritual practice as well and that the more spiritually in tune you are the stronger your combat prowess will be. And that the less spiritual and/or the more out of balance you are, the weaker your combat prowess will be. 

For not only does your mental state affect things like your breathing or tactics, but also your willingness to incorporate other styles of bending/fighting into yours as well.

And the show makes it very clear that the strongest and best benders/fighters incorporate all the other styles of bending.

Finally, the show, whenever it introduced new bending/fighting techniques and/or power ups, made sure they didn’t contradict what was previously established (ex. Metal bending is possible only because most metal still has pieces of unrefined earth in them; chi-blocking is possible because everything has chi in it) or gave them logical weaknesses to make sure they weren’t completely game breaking (ex. Lighting redirection does negate lighting bending, but you need to be in the proper stance and make sure the lighting never touches your heart or else you will still die; chi-blocking only works if you can touch someone).

But the comics, in an effort to keep Azula a credible threat, seem to disregard all of the previously established rules and themes about bending and in doing so leaves the Avatar franchise in a worse off state.

For why was Azula, after two years in an asylum where it can be presumed she wasn’t able to train like she used to, didn’t have anywhere near the same resources, and went further into psychosis was able to retain her physicality and remain the hype-athletic fighter she was during the war?

Moreover, how did Azula get so strong and fast during her time in the asylum (and later in the wilderness and as a fugitive) to the point that she is arguably the best H2H fighter in Avatar?

For not only did Azula manage to hold off a serious and in armor post-canon Suki and Ty Lee despite wearing a billowing cape and a mask that blocked vision in her left eye, she also managed to consistently and causally dodge Mai’s knives despite the latter actually trying to kill her.

Not to mention how she managed to over-power Zuko, who was arguably the second best swords fighter in the franchise before having two years to add to his sword fighting prowess, in their short fire-sword fight in the tomb to the point that Zuko thought he could only prevent his death by convincing Azula that no one would ever accept her on the throne.

Zuko! You know the person who literally has to be knocked out and/or dying before giving up in a fight did not believe he could get out of Azula’s hold before she presumably stabbed him to death.

How come Azula’s fire managed to not only get stronger (ex. During the war, if she released her fire from her control it became orange, but after the asylum, it stays blue) but also why was Azula able to develop several new lighting techniques, several of which where completely unseen in the franchise, or hadn’t been seen for centuries as far as the reader was concerned (ex. Concussive lighting; instant lighting; quick charge lighting; lighting sphere; a bootleg chidori; instant area of effect lighting; lighting zaps; the ability to split and control her stream of lighting after she has fired it; lighting redirection).

And speaking of new lighting techniques, how did Azula manage to learn the lighting redirection technique on her own? For none of Iroh, Zuko, and Aang ever showed her the technique and Azula only saw the technique like four times (Iroh on the ship during The Avatar State; Zuko during Sozin’s Comet; Zuko twice during The Search). 

And as far as I remember, the TV show never implied or showed that Azula was a Goku-level prodigy in that she only had to look at technique only a handful of times to completely master it and/or develop a counter to it.

Not to mention the fact that Azula is still a hyper-nationalist who still has no respect for the other nations, let alone their bending arts.

Like have you seen all the times she calls Sokka and Katara snow peasants despite the two of them technically being her equal politically, Katara defeating Azula during Sozin’s Comet and almost defeating her during The Crossroads of Destiny? Does comics!Azula seem like the person to willingly incorporate waterbending principles into her bending, which is necessary to redirect lighting?

Also, what the hell is smoke-bending?! For I know in the Kyoshi novels, Kyoshi bends smoke as part of her first attempt at firebending and that Aang generated smoke during The Firebending Master (so smoke-bending is a subset of firebending as the seeming precursor to firebending itself).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqLW99cn1A8

But how did The Fire Warriors manage to learn how to psychically generate and manipulate smoke?

Moreover, how did The Fire Warriors manage to learn how to use smoke-bending while using their firebending at the same time? 

For as far as I know, other than Azula in the Smoke and Shadow Omnibus Cover, there is no other instance as far as I know of a non-Avatar bending an element and a sub-element at the same time. So how were they able to do so?

And how come Aang and Zuko (two master firebenders, one of which is also a master airbender) were not able to do anything about The Fire Warrior’s smoke? 

For shouldn’t they have been able to use their bending to clear to smoke instead of either choking on it (Aang) or allowing Azula to escape despite being a tomb with only one exit (Zuko)?

But I think the most frustrating thing is how strong the Fire Warriors are. For yes, I understand that the Gaang aren’t the only prodiges in the world and that for a children’s action-adventure series, it is hard to write conflicts if heroes face no physical challenges whatsoever.

But there is no justification both in-universe or out of it for why the Fire Warriors are so strong both in terms of bending but also in terms of athleticism as well. Especially considering the fact they were heavily implied to have been kept in the same conditions that Azula was (and thus shouldn’t have been able to train to an elite master level) and the fact that they too were wearing long billowing capes with their left eyes blocked by their wood masks.

In fact, this ties into my next point…

Fire Warriors & The Asylum System

How was Azula able to break out six girls from her old asylum without Zuko finding out? For even assuming that Azula killed everyone there, eventually someone had to have come and found out that at least six girls where missing? Especially when, assuming Zuko really did try to find Azula, one of the things he would have done is put a guard there since it was likely that Azula would try to return there.

But instead of getting an answer on how Azula was able to break them out without anyone finding out (other than the meta-textual answer of Azula needed a new girl gang and the only people who she could have plausibly convinced considering her living conditions of the past 2 years were her fellow asylum inmates), all we are left with is speculation, some of which implies some very nasty things about Zuko’s reign and The Fire Nation. 

Like the idea that the asylum system remained in control of Ozai loyalists and are currently weaponizing the inmates to create a shadow army to overthrow Zuko using the group of people Zuko and his regime would be least likely to suspect.

And speaking of speculation, what are The Fire Warriors’ motivations and/or goals in regards to joining Azula’s ongoing seditious domestic terrorism plot? For I understand that Azula needs new hench-women in order to carry out her plots since it would break the suspension of disbelief to have Azula carry them out by herself, but neither non-ableist explanation I could think of makes any sense.  

For either they are scared of her and/or being manipulated, but that doesn’t make sense since Azula no longer has any political power and thus they can ignore her once she breaks them out. Not to mention Azula doesn’t seem to have regained all of her mental faculties (ex. her Mochi rant during Smoke and Shadow and how her eyes bulge out like crazy!Azula in The Search at the end of the rant). 

Or because she became non-ironic friends with them, which doesn’t make sense since Azula during her time in the asylum was clearly not in the mental state to take care of herself, let alone make friends not relying on her status or fear-mongering. Especially when The Search has Azula blame “Ursa” for making Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee stop fearing her, heavily implying Azula still thinks fear is a good way to maintain relationships.

Which leaves us with the ableist answer (sorry for the language, it is to get my point across): they are crazy bitches and crazy bitches don’t need any reason to do harm!

And do you know how harmful that is to IRL mentally ill people? For mentally ill people have had to fight really, really hard to fight the association that being mentally ill makes you evil or prone to evil. And it is only recently they have been able to fight back against such associations thanks in part due to positive representations in various artistic works.

So it makes me really disappointed that Avatar, a franchise that handles several difficult topics (ex. Child abuse, rescue parents, imperialism/colonialism, child soldiers, physical disabilities, war orphans, sexism/misogyny, hyper-nationalism, genocide, abusive sibling relationships, abusive friendships, etc.) with such grace that even children can clearly understand and learn from them, engaged in such harmful stereotyping. Especially when one of the most highly regarded arcs in LoK is Korra overcoming her PTSD from being poisoned with mercury over the course of several years and with the help of several people.

For at least Azula, with all the cries of ableism about her treatment in the comics and other post-canon works like Legacy of The Fire Nation, has reasons for being evil other than her mental illness. 

Like the fact that she was indoctrinated and groomed from birth to be an active member of the ruling family of an authoritarian, genocidal, imperialism empire.

But what are the Fire Warrior’s reasons for helping Azula outside of being mentally ill?

Themes (The Search)

To be quite honest, I really don’t think The Search has a theme since it mostly exists to answer the question of what happened to Ursa. So I don’t think there is much to analyze or criticize in terms of themes.

Themes (Smoke and Shadow)

However, Smoke and Shadow does have a central theme: fear, or more importantly, getting over the fear of: Ozai (for Ursa), Azula, and/or being a tyrant (in Zuko’s case).

And in regards to Ozai, I think Smoke and Shadow actually did a good job of showing Ursa getting over her fear of Ozai. In fact, I think their confrontation in Ozai’s jail cell, with Ozai being reduced to a mad dog after seeing he has no hold on Ursa anymore is one of the few good things that come out of the comics.

But in regards to the other two themes, which are heavily tied to each in my opinion, are butchered by the need to keep Azula a credible villain.

For I think fear does serve a valid purpose: to make sure we avoid situations and/or people that are likely to put ourselves or the people we love in danger. 

And boy do a lot of people have a lot to fear about post-Smoke and Shadow.

Mai and Ty Lee have every reason to continue to fear Azula after Azula basically humiliated them in combat and made it very clear that they are only still alive because Azula wants them to be. Not to mention in Mai’s case, Azula basically bullied Ukano into action, causing her father to eventually have to go to jail for a long time, and kidnapped her brother before put him in a holding cell for a good period of time.

Aang has ever reason to continue to fear Azula considering she has several lighting attacks that can bypass lighting redirection, the fact that Azula herself knows lighting redirection, the fact that Azula has smoke bending powers similar to The Fire Warriors that caused him to be knocked out cold, and that Azula has successful shown that she can cause Zuko to fall down the path of his ancestors, meaning that Azula could eventually succeed and indirectly wipe out everything Aang and his friends fought for during the war.

Zuko has ever reason to fear Azula considering: she basically broke into the palace and operated a conspiracy from right under his nose; she kidnapped a bunch of kids, including their half-sister, and he could do nothing until Ty Lee remembered the secret passageway; that she has taken away his trump card over her and has essentially become the strongest firebender in history; that he is only alive because Azula has plans for him; and that she is still loose and plotting the next step in her dastardly plot to remake Zuko in her image.

Moreover, Zuko has every reason to fear turning into a tyrant since he not only has failed to capture The Fire Warriors post-Smoke and Shadow, all that he has done to show that he won’t fall prey to the Fire Warriors manipulations and assaults once.

He doesn’t order a sweep of his government to make sure that there aren’t any more mavericks like Constable Sung in his ranks. 

He doesn’t try to craft policies to ensure the various Ozai loyalists groups can’t take advantage of alienated people like Kei Lo to fill their ranks with people willing to die since they have nothing in life. 

He doesn’t institute any safeguards or protocols to make sure that if he has to ever institute authoritarian measures ever again, he does so because it was the best and logical decision possible and not out of fear. 

He hasn’t undergone training (ex. Combine his firebending with his sword skills as is implied in the “Old Friends” artwork) to close the gap that has once again opened between him and Azula so that if he ever encounters Azula again, his life won’t be in her hands once more.

Hell! People like Iroh, Noren and Ursa have a lot to fear considering that Azula has easily breached the palace (and probably has other means of getting in undetected even if the tunnels are now known since she was responsible for evacuating Caldera City during the DoBS), one of the secure places in the world, and has demonstrated continued willingness to not only hurt Zuko but also now hurt Kiyi.

Moreover, assuming they ever find out where the other Fire Warriors came from, they will (and should considering their eras’ lack of knowledge on mental health) fear the inmates in the asylum system. 

For if six of them were willing to join Azula and were really strong benders who could even knock out a fully realized Aang, what will happen, hypothetically, when Azula builds herself an army out of the asylum inmates she and her warriors break out of the various asylums in the country?

So I guess what I am trying to say is that, by keeping Azula a villain, Smoke and Shadow undermined its own theme of “we have to learn to live with fear and never let it rule us.”

For only fools would not live in fear of Azula and The Fire Warriors until they are apprehended and I don’t think any of the characters mentioned in this section are big enough fools to underestimate what Azula and The Fire Warriors can do and what they are willing to do to achieve their goals.

Conclusion

Azula was one of the best villains in Western Animation and part of that is because the characters and the narrative treated her like the threat she was and that, even if her schemes did rely on good fortunes (ex. Sokka vouching for The Kyoshi Warriors before leaving with Aang to his father) they were created by various characters acting like they did normally and not in OOC fashion (ex. Kuei is an airheaded fool and so it is not out of character for Kuei to forget that he told Azula about the DoBS invasion plan and/or tell anyone associated with the plan that he spilled the beans before going on exile) just so Azula could win. 

Moreover, Azula doesn’t display new powers/abilities when the plot demands it just to remain a threat; all she does is exploit her previously established abilities and intelligence/cunning (ex. The Avatar is slowly floating up in the air in his Avatar State that is previously established to turn him into a berserking force of nature. Ok. I’ll just take advantage of the fact that he is exposed to shoot him dead with lighting before he can harm my allies, my friends, my brother, and/or I).

However, in the comics, Azula, despite remaining just as big as a threat, if not bigger, is not treated as such by either the narrative or the characters she interacts with. Moreover, Azula and her henchwomen frequently come up with new powers just so they remain a credible threat. And it not only ruins Azula as a villain, but also the characters that she has the misfortune of interacting with directly or indirectly.

For it really hurt to see a fully realized Aang essentially get knocked out by some faceless goons.

It really hurt to see Mai break up with Zuko because he visited Ozai without telling her and then hide from Zuko the existence of the New Ozai Society and the fact that her father was leading it. Not to mention, when confronted for treason, seeing her avoid owning her mistake before everyone unceremoniously dropped the subject.

It really hurt to see post-canon Suki and Ty Lee, two of the best H2H fighters who have learned each other’s techniques, essentially get fodderized by a half-blind Azula. Or to see Azula learn lighting redirection with no prior indication of how she managed to learn the technique. Or to see her invent concussive lighting because the comics want her to spam her iconic lighting at everyone like the villain she is but don’t want to deal with the consequences previously established in the TV show or in LoK.

It made me angry to see Zuko keep giving Azula second chance after second chance when Azula deserves no chances as long as she is on her current path. Especially when she keeps on hurting the people Zuko supposedly loves and the subjects he supposedly cares about.

Anyway, before my rant gets too long, the point is that not that Azula can’t remain a good villain. For even I, as someone who believes an Azula redemption would be compelling, believe there are ways to keep Azula a credible antagonist in line with what was shown in the TV show.

But if this is the way Azula is going to be continued to be written as a villain, as a living plot device, I don’t want her to remain a villain. 

Especially when the bad writing surrounding villain!Azula starts to ruin other character’s previously established characterization as well as previously established world building and lore.

–Submitted by justanotherthrowaway1950

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis and/or Harry use drugs during the course of the fic. If you support our rec lists and want them to continue being made, please reblog this post and spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge | Mature | 2365 words

Harry licks over Louis’ hole slowly, deliberately, and his tongue is like velvet and Louis’ skin is burning at every junction where Harry touches him and it’s all so good he thinks he might cry. He licks a few more times, moaning softly like he’s relishing the taste of Louis and that’s just, well, fuck.

2) Can You Feel The Fever | Explicit | 5113 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Tour has Harry exhausted. Luckily exactly what he needs is waiting for him in his Sacramento dressing room.

3) Read You Like A Book | Explicit | 8089 words

Louis realises Harry can read his mind. He’ll do anything to make Harry admit it. Set during the North American leg of the WWA tour.

4) Put You On Repeat, Play You Everywhere I Go | Explicit | 8290 words

Harry is a college radio show host and Louis is a contemporary dancer attending said college. After a drunk hook-up, naturally a whole bunch of pining, dedicated love songs and make-out sessions on dance studio floors ensue.

5) Keep It Sweet In Your Memory | Explicit | 17039 words

'How'd it go?' Harry pushes them into Niall's room and shuts the door behind him, so Georgia doesn't overhear.

'It was good. We just caught up, mostly... I may have done something a little stupid, though.'

And Niall's eyebrows are in his hairline at that.

'I mean. Okay, so I invited Louis out on Saturday.'

'Saturday? Your--'

'Yes, my bachelor party...' and then Harry has to explain himself, 'I just felt guilty. I think. He was like. Telling me he wanted to hook up.'

'He WHAT!?'

'No. I mean, not with me. Like. He wants to go out and meet people.'

'He'll hate that. He's too much of a romantic.'

'Yeah, well. Whatever his name was messed him up a little, it would seem.'

6) Never Understood What Love Was Really Like (But I Felt It For The First Time Looking In Your Eyes) | Not Rated | 18431 words

The one where Louis meets Harry at 14 and things don’t quite go as planned.

7) Ain’t My Fault | Explicit | 18690 words

Note: This fic has mentions of BH.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

8) Kiwi | Not Rated | 24110 words

AU. Harry plays on Saturday nights at The Motley. Louis bartends on Saturday nights at The Motley.

It’s a thing.

9) Honey, Make This Easy | Explicit | 25483 words

AU; Harry’s sister recently passed away, leaving him with temporary custody of her daughter. Needing help, he hires Louis as a nanny and the boy turns out to be help in more ways than he expected.

10) Can’t Fool Me | Explicit | 30162 words

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

11) Captain Jack | Explicit | 31752 words

Note: Please take note of the tags and warnings on this fic before reading

Louis has been searching for something and Harry is there to give it to him. Drugs, sex, disappointment, and the tangled web they’ve woven that keeps them trapped in the same cycle.

12) Can I Make It Any More Obvious? | Explicit | 35560 words

AU where Louis does ballet and Harry is the epitome of everything Louis’ friends want him to stay away from.

13) Bluebird | Explicit | 39024 words

The 2,789 miles between New York and Los Angeles is a long way to go alone.

14) Another Hazy May | Mature | 41042 words

Louis is a terrible poet and Harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. bookshop meets military meets summer romance AU ft. Marlboros, the backstreet boys, and underrated literary devices.

15) Looking Through You | Explicit | 41905 words

Just as Louis and Liam were starting out in the music industry, writing and producing for up and coming artists, a fateful meeting with new pop singer Harry Styles changes everything. Four years later, just as Harry is set to embark on his next world tour, a drunken confession causes a rift between once inseparable friends. As Harry tries to make sense of his feelings for Louis, he begins writing his next album to express them as it may be the only way to break through the walls that Louis has built between them.

16) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

17) Apples Always Fall (As I Do For You) | Mature | 54609 words | Sequel

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis is staying at his Aunt's farm in a small town in Minnesota for four months. To deal with the boredom that sets in a week into his stay, he starts working at the local apple orchard, owned by twenty six year old Harry Styles.

Louis quickly finds himself falling in love with the orchard, and he finds a family in Harry's friends Niall, Liam, and Zayn.

He also starts to fall in love with Harry.

Falling in love with him turns out to be the easy part.

18) Into The Midnight Sun | Explicit | 63525 words

It’s 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn’t easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

19) Like Real People Do | Explicit | 64175 words

Louis didn’t ask for a lot of things. He didn’t ask for his entire family to die in a car crash that may or may not have been his fault. He didn’t ask to get powers out of that accident, either, powers that eventually led him into a two-year relationship with a man who was far more than met the eye. But one night, he chose to ask for a replacement to a broken camera from someone he hadn’t spoken to in a year and a half. He did ask for that. And that kind of led to everything else.

20) Liberté | Mature | 64603 words

AU. 1647. “Pretending you don’t have a heart is not the best way to not get it broken. It’s just the easiest.”

21) Pinkies Never Lie | Explicit | 83615 words | Sequel

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.

22) Baby Heaven’s In Your Eyes | Explicit | 120875 words

They couldn’t be more different if they tried. Louis Tomlinson is 17 years old and in his last year of the most prestigious private school in Doncaster. If there’s one thing that completely annoys him, it’s that there is a poor community college right across the street.

Harry Styles is 19 years old, and (once again) in his last year of college. He goes to community college in Doncaster. He never shows up to classes and if he actually bothers to, he’s either high or drunk; sometimes both. His skin is littered with tattoos and if there’s one thing he absolutely hates, it’s the snobby students attending the private school right across from his.

23) Saving Symphony Hall | Mature | 124766 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic. This fic has been locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that’s the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

24) I Only Ever Want You | Explicit | 180079 words

Note: This fic is the sequel to this fic.

Louis & Harry and Liam & Zayn begin to have sex in front of each other and a lot of kink-discovery results from that.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[princesspiratecat]

The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 25: Spring, 1083

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16

Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19

Part 20 & Part 21 & Part 22

Part 23 & Part 24

If Frances had had any doubts about defying his Father before he rode to Gwendolyn, there were none now. With each day that he spent with her, the remnants of doubts that entered his mind had dwindled away into nothing. It was hard to want to continue to honor the wishes of a man that seemed to care nothing for him, even if that man was his father. Harder still after seeing what poor conditions he had caused his betrothed to suffer. 

“When I first got the map from my sister, I had thought I had been riding to an Inn, or perhaps a Boarding House. I actually lead my horse up to the gate to get directions, as I was sure I had been lost. You can imagine my surprise to find you here, all alone, in a place such as this, in the middle of nowhere. Even I did not think he would treat you this badly. I cannot tell you how ashamed I am....”

She stared down at her food and said nothing, so he reached over and held her hand in his. He knew that she would need more time to heal, and he hoped that leaving it all behind would hasten the healing of her wounds. 

But despite his feelings on the subject, he was grateful that the hovel served as a small haven for them where they could be together, free from obligation to anyone but one another. Sometimes it felt to Frances as if the outside world didn’t exist at all, and there was only a world with her. No servants, no children, no family to bother them. Just his horse and a dog, but they never had much to say about anything. 

He found he was impressed at just how well she had learned to survive on her own, and came through every sort of adversity Marcelle had struck her with. Had she been a fine Lady, he did not think that she would have been able to thrive as she had. His sisters had no idea what to do in a kitchen, and although that had always been a source of pride for his parents, they would have faltered in the same situation Gwendolyn had been in. He admired her for her practicality and resourcefulness. She was clever. He also now knew that whatever situation they were in, she would endure. 

It was one thing to not to have to use everyday skills, but it was entirely another to be completely useless. And Frances did not wish to be useless. He knew he needed to figure out what to do with his life, especially now that he had decided to tie his fate to hers. But no matter which way he looked at the situation it was clear that she would make a wonderful partner, no matter what their future may hold.

Frances had patched several holes in the thatched roof, so they were able to get a good night’s sleep without having to worry about rain or snow falling down upon them. After supper they would snuggle up together on the bed and talk.

They told each other everything that had occurred during that year- his dinner with the Merchant family, trapping animals when she had no food left, how he had come to find her, Frédéique’s impending marriage, and the plans she and her sister had made. 

“Only eleven you say?! Well.... if he was going to attempt to replace me, he should have at least presented an alluring alternative. Why did he choose to marry her to you, rather than one of your brothers?”

“From the way he spoke, I believe he wants the money now, and if he betrothed her to one of my brothers, the Merchants may not have agreed. I am still the heir, after all.” Gwendolyn wrinkled her nose and twisted her mouth up in response. She looked adorable even when she was disgusted by something. He found her difficult to resist, as always.

Her beauty was not lost on him. She had always been pretty, but now she had a woman’s shape, and he would gaze at the curve of her back, or the roundness of her beautiful breasts and seem to lose himself. His body had a mind of it’s own, and every bit of him ached with desire each time she touched him, even if it was just a fleeting caress or a gentle hug.

But the real torture for Frances came at night. He and Gwendolyn had never slept in the same bed prior to that, and he found it very difficult to sleep next to the woman he loved without pouncing on her like a cat. This was especially true when one considered all those nights he had spent in her room with his fantasies and memories. She had had a profound affect on him and his budding sexuality from the very beginning. Now, he had the real woman next to him once again, and he could not rest easily.

Yet he was determined to resist all of the urges he had, and tried not to let his hands wander too far, or kiss her too often or for too long. He could sense that she still felt overwhelmed with everything, and he would wait until she trusted him again. He wanted her to really want him.

“I detest this little hovel. But I love being here with you. Shall I stay with you here forever?” He said it half in jest with a smile on his face and immediately regretted it. Still too fresh, still too soon. 

“Please don’t say that.....” Her voice came out breathless. “I hate it here.”

“I sold two of my second best mares last week. If you don’t want to stay here, then come with me when the weather is fair enough to travel again. Let us leave here forever.”

“To where?”

“Where do you wish to go? I have enough coin in my purse which will enable us to go anywhere. We can go wherever you wish.”

“And then what? What will we do when your Father finds out I am not here?”

“There are several charming churches nearby. If you wish it, we can marry in a few days.”

“So you’re prepared to give up everything for me?”

“Yes, if it comes to that. Are you prepared to marry a poor man with only one horse to his name?”

Her mouth curled up and into one of those beautiful smiles that he always had been such a fool for. She nodded. “So, from my understanding.. you’ve come to me after galloping gallantly for miles in the snow, to take me away from here and grant me all my wishes?!” She laughed heartily, and it was the first time he had seen her do so since he had arrived.

He couldn’t help it then, and he grabbed her by the waste and pulled her in tight. This made her laugh even more, until he felt himself grow stiff with longing, and he kissed her up and down on the neck. She grew quiet in his arms and reeled him in like a fish on the line. 

“Did you doubt that I would?” It came out sounding like something between a growl and a whisper, as he continued to run his tongue gently along her neck. She closed her beautiful brown eyes and shivered. Then she opened them again and they were serious.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I did.”

This pained him a little and caused him to stop kissing her neck and look at her directly again. Yet he understood her answer. And if he was being completely honest, he had certainly doubted himself at times as well. But through it all he had never really given up on the idea of her, or the idea that they would somehow be together again. He had clung to mere scraps of hope in his darkest hours, and as soon as he knew where to find her, everything had changed.

“Well...if we are to marry, I hope you will not doubt me again.” In her eyes he could see such sincerity, and then....smoldering passion as she did the unexpected and pulled his hips into her own. Her mouth came down hard upon his and he could feel the desire in her hot, wet kiss.

“I won’t,” she whispered.

[bytheangell]

Hi!! I loved a lot your last Gabrily fic, and if you are still open to requests can I suggest one about them finding out they were having another kid so long after the other two? Baby Alexander barely gets mentioned eventhough he is the person Alec is named after, maybe at some point he did something great who know. I always find it curious how they reactions could have been to have another one so long after Christopher.. Ofc if this sits right with you and feel like it, thank uu

Breaking the News  (Read on AO3)

Cecily is thankful that Will and Tessa agreed to take Anna and Christopher to stay with them for the remainder of the day. Her thoughts bounce wildly from nervous to excited to total panic and everything in-between as she paces back and forth across the bedroom floor. Alone in the house until Gabriel arrives home in a few short hours, she wanted the time to come to terms with the news she got that morning and sort through her thoughts. Now that she has the time, she can’t sort through anything at all.

It doesn’t help that she’s been sick. That was the first hint that something was wrong, she suspected what may be the cause of her sudden recurring nausea and weakness, though she hardly dared to believe it. After spending the better part of the past week exhausted and obviously ill, Anna brought one of the Institute’s healers around to check on her, which was when they confirmed what she already partially guessed.

Except now that Cecily knows for certain that she’s pregnant with her third child, it’s quite the shock to process, with or without the distractions of two other children in the house.

She knows her initial doubts are mostly from the surprise of it all. Cecily likes being in control, and this is something she has no control over. This is happening, whether she wants it to or not, and even though she knows it’s a blessing the fact that she didn’t specifically choose to do this here and now throws her entire sense of being off-balance, enough for doubt to creep in. What if it isn’t just shock?

But that’s absurd. She loves her children, and she loved - and still loves - every moment of raising them. The chance to do all of that again is, while still a shock, a happy one. At least, it will be once she manages to get back in control of her racing thoughts and emotions.

Anna and Christopher are both teenagers now, sixteen and thirteen respectfully, and that fact isn’t lost on her. A new baby means 24/7 attention, days of constant needs and care that she thought were behind her. What if she thinks she can handle it but once the child is here she grows too overwhelmed tending to a newborn and two teenagers? Realizations like this are when the fear kicks in - she’s 37 years old, after all, and Gabriel 40.

Gabriel. What if he thinks them both too old to have a baby now? What if he hates the idea? It’s another reason she asked her brother to take the children - this is a conversation she wants them to have complete privacy for, just in case…

...just in case what?, she chides herself. This is Gabriel, after all. She remembers the years they spent together figuring out how to be parents to two wildly different children, remembers how good he was - and still is - with each of them, and how he’s never shown them anything other than unwavering love and devotion. This won’t be any different, she reminds herself, pushing the fear aside and allowing the nervous excitement to take over again.

She remembers the joy of raising Christopher and Anna, of watching them grow and learn and take their first steps and get their first runes… the joy of little moments and milestones she thought were long over for her. Anna is always so good with her brother, and Cecily can already imagine how wonderful Christopher will be as an older sibling, always so eager to teach others about his experiments. He could teach so much to a little brother or sister.

Cecily can only hope they’re as eager to have another sibling as she is to give them one.

Nervous. Excited. Fearful. Happy. Concerned. Eager. Her emotions shift and change more rapidly than she can keep up with until, finally, they settle along with her thoughts into one: contentment. This is happening, whether she’s ready for it to or not, and she’ll be damned if she isn’t going to make the absolute best of it.

When Gabriel finally arrives home he finds her in their bedroom, pacing as she’s been doing off-and-on for hours now as she tries to work out the best way to break the news.

“Cecily?” he greets her, voice uncertain. He’s been away in Idris but came back earlier than planned after hearing she hasn’t been feeling well. “Is everything alright? Shouldn’t you be resting?”

Gabriel takes a few steps into the room and reaches a hand out to still her anxious movements, resting it gently on her shoulder.

Cecily stops pacing and forces a small smile onto her face. “There will be plenty of time for resting soon,” she says cryptically. “And whether or not everything is alright depends largely on how you feel about…” she wonders briefly if there’s a good way to phrase this, or at least a better way than simply blurting it out.

It’s a pity that tact and gentle phrasing has never been one of Cecily’s strong suits.

“...about having another child,” she finishes, carefully watching his expression.

It’s difficult to decipher much beyond Gabriel’s absolute shock, which is fair. She’s still a bit shocked herself and she’s had hours to process the news. His hand remains on her shoulder and she feels the grip of it tighten ever so slightly.

“Just to be clear,” Gabriel says cautiously. “You’re saying this simply because you want to have another child, or because-”

“Because I’m pregnant,” she confirms.

A silence falls between them then. Cecily can see the wheels turning in Gabriel’s mind, the way his eyes shift constantly from her face to her stomach to the room around them as he processes this information, and it takes all of what little self-control Cecily possesses to allow him that time.

“You’re pregnant,” he finally repeats, and then, very slowly, his lips curl up into an eager smile. “That’s wonderful!”

“It is?” Cecily asks, the words slipping out in a rush of relief after she’d mentally prepared herself for the worst possible reaction.

“Isn’t it?” Gabriel counters, sounding suddenly unsure of his reaction.

“I mean, yes, of course, it is! But we’re not exactly in our prime, and it isn’t as if we planned this, or anticipated the possibility the way we had with Anna and Christopher. I just thought… I know it’s silly but I was afraid you might…” Cecily struggles to find the words for the fears that are suddenly rendered baseless in her mind.

“Cecily, my dear, sweet Cecily,” Gabriel says, wrapping his arms around her to pull her in close to him, mindful not to pull too tightly. “I love you, and I love our family, and any addition to it is nothing other than a blessing, no matter how unexpected.” He moves to hold her just far enough away to lean in and place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Cecily feels a few errant tears make their way down her cheeks in both joy and relief.

“I feel the same,” she agrees. “And I knew you would, too. I just needed to hear you say it. Since I found out this morning all I could do was build it up in my head - we worked so hard to give Anna and Christopher stability and routine with their studies and training and this is going to upend all of that.”

“Do you think they’ll be upset?” Gabriel asks.

Cecily can only shrug. “I don’t know. I hope not, but… it is a big change. And it’ll be attention away from them, no matter how hard we try not to let it be. I just don’t want them to resent the baby, or us.”

“They won’t,” Gabriel says with a confidence Cecily wishes she felt. “Do you know how I know?”

The question should be rhetorical but he waits for an answer anyway, so Cecily asks, “How?”

The hand on her shoulder squeezes again, comforting as a knowing smile spreads across her husband’s face. “Because they’re our children, and we - you in particular - raised them to be the sort of people who have compassion and understanding, even as unruly teenagers. They’re going to adjust just fine - we all are.”

Cecily hadn’t anticipated the tears that now overwhelm her after such an emotional day, shed now for words of such simple kindness.

“Thank you,” Cecily says, shaking her head slowly. “For always knowing exactly what I need to hear.”

“Well, you make it easy when you’re always so effortlessly deserving of praise,” Gabriel counters, lifting his hand to wipe away a few stray happy tears. “I suppose I should wait until we tell the others before I go rearranging the whole house, shouldn’t I? We’ll have to make a few changes… clear out a room, set aside a bit more savings, arrange for me to be home with you for the foreseeable future, of course…”

As Gabriel begins to rattle off the things that come to mind for the immediate future, Cecily is struck by how incredibly lucky she truly is to have him by her side. He doesn’t miss a beat in figuring out how to rearrange his own life and habits to better tend to her and support their growing family. He doesn’t make so much as a passing mention of what an imposition such sudden changes will inevitably have on him.

“We’ll figure it out,” Cecily says, reaching out to take his hand in her’s. His own easy acceptance bleeds into her, calming her nerves and bringing a smile to her face. She thought those words over and over throughout the day, but this is the first time she thinks them without doubt and voices them with equal surety. They will figure it out. Together. “We have time, nothing has to be done or decided today.”

She glances at the clock. “In fact, perhaps we should enjoy the next hour or two to ourselves before Will and Tessa bring the children back. I’m sure once we tell them we won’t know a moment’s peace until months after the baby’s born,” she points out with a light laugh.

“I don’t know if you’re referring to your brother or the children,” Gabriel says. “Though I daresay it applies to the lot of them.”

Cecily rolls her eyes. “Oh, come now. You know I meant-” she begins, but stops abruptly. “No, you’re right. Will is going to be insufferable.”

Now it’s Gabriel’s turn to laugh. “We’ll face that inevitability when it comes. Right now, if I know you you’ve likely been stressed and wearing yourself out all day with worry. Let’s get you some proper rest before we break the news.”

It isn’t the sort of quiet, alone time she’d meant, but the moment he suggests it she knows it’s exactly what she needs. He always knows exactly what she needs. To her surprise, instead of tucking her in and going downstairs he gets into bed beside her, pulling her against his side, and she allows his warm, comforting presence to lull her into the best rest she’s had in days.

[hemmingslftv]

Hellooo, how are you? Could you write one using the 24 with ash? ^^

“You’d be a great dad” // A.I

Rating: T

Word count: 2.1k (sorry if it’s too long or too short)

Warning: swearing and a Frozen spoiler I guess but that’s it

Requested: based on the prompt 24 “you’d be a great dad”. Requests are open!

Author’s note: Hi! I’m really good lately, thanks for asking! I hope you’re doing well. So this is my first request ever, thank you very much! I don’t think it is my best work but I hope you don’t hate it and I promise I will do better next time. Also, I’m still getting used to writing in English so please if something is wrong feel free to tell me, any kind of feedback is appreciated. I’m sorry about the title but I couldn't think of anything better.

Masterlist

It was almost 7 PM and you were more than exhausted. It was your sister and his husband’s first wedding anniversary and you had offered to take care of their almost 3 years old daughter, Amanda, so they could spend the night alone. It seemed like an easy task at first. You loved your niece with your whole heart and you thought she liked you too, at least until today.

You had had lunch with your sister and Amanda at your place and then your sister left while Amanda was taking a nap. As soon as she woke up and realized her mum had left, she started to cry. You weren’t expecting her reaction, so you didn’t know what to do at first. You offered her some white chocolate ice cream that you know she loved, but she didn’t want it. You had put on one of her favorite TV shows but she didn’t seem interested at all. “I want my mommy” she yelled over and over again. You tried comforting her with everything you could think of but nothing seemed to work.

Almost an hour later, she fell asleep crying on your couch, You sighed relieved and covered her with a blanket, After taking aspirin to try to soothe your headache, you returned to the living room and decided to build a tent for whenever she woke up. When you were a kid, you and your sister spent hours building tents all over your house and playing hide and seek so you thought that maybe Amanda would enjoy it too.

By the time she woke up, you had everything set. Your mattress was on the floor and a few curtains and bedsheets were hanging from the ceiling. You had also set fairy lights all around the room.

“Y/N?” you heard Amanda’s tiny voice from the couch and approached her as soon as possible so she wouldn’t start crying once again. “Hey, baby, are you hungry?” You asked, having prepared for every possible request she had while she was sleeping. “No” she simply answered before sitting up. You could tell she was amazed by the lights as she was staring at them one by one. You smiled proud at yourself and you sighed hoping the calm would last this time.

“I thought maybe we could watch your favorite movie while laying on the floor if you want to”. Amanda stood up, took the remote from the table, and handed it to you. “Frozen” she said while she made herself comfortable on the mattress. You put on the movie and gave her some water she at first refused to drink but ended up giving in and drinking it. Everything seemed to go by smoothly until the scene where Elsa and Anna’s parents' boat sinks.

You had your eyes locked on Amanda from the beginning of the movie, making sure she was okay and you could see the pout starting to form on her face, You paused the movie and asked her if she was okay. “Is mum gone?” she asked starting to cry once again. You tried to hug her but she didn't let you.

“What? No! Of course not Amanda! She will be back tomorrow morning, your parents are just having dinner out, they’re not dead” you tried to explain, but it was too late, Amanda wasn’t listening. After twenty minutes trying to calm her, you didn’t know what to do anymore and you didn’t want to ruin your sister’s night so you tried calling your best friend but she didn’t pick up. There was only one other person you could think of, Ashton.

You and Ashton had been dating for more than half a year but had only made it official 3 months ago, so everything was still kind of new. That’s why you hadn’t thought of calling him straight away, you didn’t want to bother him and you didn't know if you were ready to introduce him to your family yet although your niece probably didn't count as introducing him to your family. You had met at a music store, you were looking for your first guitar, as you had been wanting to learn for a long time and he offered to help. You two had got along instantly and when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him happily. A few weeks later, he introduced you to the rest of the band and you fit so well in the group you were even surprised.

You sent Ashton a text first, not wanting to disturb him in case he was at the studio since they were working on a new album. After waiting not so patiently for about 4 minutes you decided to call him. He picked up at the third tone, “thanked god” you sighed.

“Hey babe, is everything okay?” he asked.

“No, are you busy?”

“I was just finishing the studio session, what happened? do you want me to come over?”

“Nothing happened, I’m fine. It’s just that Amanda won’t stop crying and I just don’t know what to do anymore” your voice cracked at the end, you were desperate.

“Who is Amanda?” Ashton asked, the confusion clear on his voice. You sobbed softly not being able to repress your frustration anymore. “Okay, you'll tell me later, don't worry. I’ll be there in ten, please don't cry, I love you”

“Thank you, Ash, I love you too” you hung up and went back to try to calm Amanda without success. As soon as you heard the bell you ran to open the door and you hug Ashton, hiding your face on his neck. He was quick to hug you back wrapping his arms around your waist and running his hands through your hair, You relaxed at his touch and after a few seconds, you were ready to speak.

“I’m sorry you had to left the studio early, I didn't know who else to call”

“You don't have to be sorry, you know you can always call me” he leaned in to kiss you and you couldn't help but smile, you felt so lucky to have him by your side. Amanda wasn’t crying anymore and as soon as you realized, you looked for her, afraid something might have happened but she was just sitting on the floor, her eyebrows knitted together while she looked at you.

“Hi Amanda, I’m Ashton” he said coming closer to her. You were prepared for her to start screaming but she didn’t. “Hello” was her only answer. “Ashton is here to play with us” you explained. “Ashton is your boyfriend, right?” Amanda asked with curiosity.

“Yes, he is. But he’s also a great friend of mine who is here to play with us” you repeated, making sure she understood he was a friend so she wouldn’t be afraid of him.

“I know he is in a band, can he play for us?”

“Well, I don’t know if he wants to, he's been working all day”

“I can play for you, could you bring me your guitar, y/n?” he said while sitting on the couch.

“Yeah sure, but you don't have to Ash, you must be tired”

“I know, but I want to”

“Okay” you said while you went to get the guitar. By the time you came back Amanda and Ashton were having a conversation about some TV show you had no idea existed and you smiled relaxing a little bit.

“Sorry to interrupt” you said stepping into the room and giving Ashton your guitar. You sat on the floor next to Amanda and you were able to sit her on your lap and hug her for the first time that day.

“What do you want me to sing?” he asked while tuning your guitar.

“Maybe an old one” you answered hoping he would accept this time, you used to be a fan of the group when they first started and you had been dying to listen to him singing one of his old ballads, but he never wanted to.

“Ugh, fine” he groaned, giving in, and you cheered making Amanda laugh. Her laugh was music to your ears, especially after all the crying and yelling from earlier. Every bit of tension that was still in your body disappeared as you heard Ashton starting to play “Wherever you are”. He played a few more songs and Amanda enjoyed every single one. She even got up to dance to some of them and she begged for one more after every song. After a while, you looked at your phone and realized it was almost 9 PM and Amanda hadn’t had dinner yet.

“Fuck” you muttered feeling guilty. Amanda gasped.

“You said a bad word” she said making Ashton laugh and making you blush.

“Yes, I’m sorry Amy, I won’t do it again. Do you mind staying here with Ashton while I make dinner?”

“I can make dinner babe” Ashton offered while standing up.

“No!” Amanda southed and she held onto his leg so he couldn’t keep walking “you stay, y/n makes dinner” she stated.

“Ouch” you said, kinda hurt by her words, “okay, stay here with uncle Ash, and please behave”

After having dinner, you sat on the couch watching Ashton and Amanda play with her dolls. You couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't had any trouble getting along with her and you had been trying to play with her the whole afternoon and it had been impossible. When you saw Amanda yawn, you decided it was time to go to bed. She asked Ashton to tell her a story and he did while you stood on the door of the room she was sleeping in, your heart melting at the sight of them. She fell asleep before the story ended but Ashton finished it anyway and made sure she was tucked in before placing a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m exhausted” you said once you were both sitting on the couch. You rested your head on Ashton’s shoulder and he put his hand on your waist bringing you closer until you ended up laying on the couch with your head on his lap. You turned to look at him, your back pressed against his leg. He smiled at you.

“You know you can trust me, right?” he asked, pulling a strand of hair out of your face.

“Of course, Ashton. I trust you”

“Okay then, why didn’t you tell me before? I’m not mad babe, just disappointed. I thought we knew everything about each other and it makes me sad that you kept this from me. Did you think I would leave you or look at you differently? You should know I'm not that kind of guy. I love you and support you no matter what” your confusion was growing with every word he said until you realized you hadn't told him who Amanda was. You sat up and turned to face him.

“Oh my god Ashton, did you thought she was my daughter?” Ashton nodded slowly “she’s my niece, oh god, I'm sorry you thought that. I was just taking care of her tonight. But what you said was sweet, I support you and love you too, always”

“That... makes sense. If I’m being honest I was a little bit scared” you started to laugh as you saw him relax.

“I wouldn’t have kept that from you, you know that. Besides, do you picture me as a mother? I mean, haven't you seen I’m a disaster?” he laughed at your words.

“You’re not a disaster, she probably just had a bad day”

“Well, she hasn't cried since you arrived so the problem was me” you sighed, starting to feel frustrated once again. Ashton hugged you, placing you back on your previous position.

“You’d be a great dad” you covered your mouth with your hands as you realized you had said it out loud and you blushed “that sounded a bit weird, I don’t wanna scare you away but you know, if we ever had kids, you would be a great dad, you were awesome with Amanda today” you tried to explain yourself.

“When we have kids, you will be the best mum” he said before leaning in to kiss you “I love you, y/n, you're not gonna scare me because you think I’d be a great dad, I’m planning on spending my whole life with you, and that includes having kids”

“Oh my god, Ash, what did I do to deserve you? You are the best, I love you. Thank you for coming, I don't know what I would do without you”

“I love you too, now let’s go to bed, you could use some sleep”

[mindofharry]

Wave G.D

in which you move to california for the summer and grayson is the life guard.

based in the 80s !!!

smut and fluff !!! feedback is welcome as always <3

The sun beamed through your window, blinding you when you opened your eyes. you sighed placing a hand over your poor watered eyes, reminding yourself to buy curtains. California was good - better than your old town. but waking up blind every morning for the last week was not something you enjoyed. but you’d take that over madonna being blared at 6am by your 14 year old sister, tanya. God, sometimes you even missed it. missed the loud, chaotic energy of your small hometown, and your weird little family. but as you said, california is good. you reminded yourself, change is good. growth is good. sometimes you forgot that you have to grow to be better, and that change isn’t some evil thing. you need change to move on and become better.

Your aunt had been kind enough to let you stay in her home for the summer - she was off doing god knows what, and needed someone to cat and house sit. You were the first one to offer. Lord only know, that if you didn’t take this offer, you would’ve stayed in that town for the rest of your life. like you, your aunt escaped the town of houston. all your family grew up in houston. a town in a town, you called it. it was small, only a population of 2,000 people. not many people left either - so when you did, it comes as a surprise.

you wanted to travel, see the world. and california was just one stop on your trip.

Today was day of looking for jobs, you had put it off too many times this week. you told your mother you would get a job on the first day here - it’s been 7 days. And your mother was starting to call more than twice a day. You wanted to become a writer or a journalist - that was the dream. but that had to be put on hold for now. even though thought your aunt was paying the bills etc, you still wanted to find a job to make friends and have some cash. you saw a nice dinner about 10 minutes away from here, so maybe you’d have dinner there once you had some cash. beats having microwave dinners every night.

so with that in mind, you got up and made your way to the bathroom. it was small and quaint. exactly like the house. it was nothing special - which is what you loved. a small little home, with small little bathrooms. that’s sounded quite nice to you. After looking around your small bathroom, you turned on the shower, hissing a bit as the hot water hit your skin.

you walked out of the bathroom, leaving the water run for a minute. Opening the dresser pressed against the wall, you decided on a white crop top and denim shorts. Your mother would kill you if she saw how small the shorts were, but she wasn’t here. You grabbed a bra and underwear from the top drawer before walking back into the bathroom. you stripped down, leaving your huge t-shirt on the floor.

When you stepped in the shower, you thought about how good this summer could be. Even if you ended up not making any friends, it still could be the best summer of your life.

so you had to make the best of it.

After your shower - that you spent way too long in, you got dressed into the clothes you grabbed earlier. your hair was still soaking wet, but the towel and the Californian air would dry it. You brushed your teeth, and attached your septum piercing onto your nice. “does this look like i’m cool, or i’m going to rob you?” you asked yourself in the mirror. your mother, hated everything about the piercings and tattoos. She said quote “i feel scared looking at you, y/n”. Tattoos especially made you feel so creative and free, something about them made you feel so happy.

Running down the stairs, you grabbed your converse slipping them on. slipping you mean - pulling them on. God, they were hard to get on. you looked into the drawer and found your purse with, 20 dollars in it. “great” you sighed walking out the door and locking it.

your aunt lived in a nice neighbourhood, small houses, small families. usually people that just had kids or older people that didn’t want to be a put in an old persons home. it was nice and relaxing. different from houston, you’d admit. but nice and needed.

The walk to the centre of town was fine. You got a few looks, considering the town was so small and everyone knew everyone. You were basically the new kid at school. But so far no ones said anything bad - that you know of. The town was full of stores. Retail stores, smaller family stores like toy stores etc.

you spotted the diner straight away, running across the street quickly. Luckily spotted a sign saying they were looking for more staff - you knew diners were quite popular, so you really got your but in there. A tall woman, with brown hair and warm smile greeted you at the till. “hey, darling. what can i do for you” she asked, you looked at her name badge, lisa. A nice name for a nice lady. “i’m actually looking for jobs, saw that you were looking for staff! maybe we can schedule an interview or something?” you asked picking at your nails. lisa looked you up and down and then sighed. “well, if i’m being honest, you’re the only one in weeks that’s offered to do some work around here” she confessed, it made your heart shatter when she looked down - it looked like she was about to cry.

she sighed once again to herself “you good with people?” she asked, placing a napkin down on the counter. you nodded, messing with your hands. “i know first aid too. real good with kids, i was going to study to be a teacher” you confess, trying to butter yourself up.

lisa nodded “what’s your name?” she asked and you put your hand out to shake hers “y/n l/n. i’m looking after my aunts house for the summer” you say and she smiled. “well good. you’re hired” she grinned pulling you into a hug.

“welcome to the team, honey”

After that and a celebratory milkshake, you decided to go the beach that was a 5 minute walk from the diner. lisa said her daughter works just around the corner from her and her sons surf and do lifeguarding down at the beach. Maybe you’d run into them. they had to be maybe 16? You didn’t know anyone older than that, that wanted to be a lifeguard willingly.

You took over your converse and socks as the sand because harder to walk in. there wasn’t much wind and it was really hot so of course it was packed full of families and teenagers. Most were locals, but others travelled hours to come this beach - and you weren’t sure why, until now.

A man probably 20 or 21, was running towards you, topless. It was hard to look away, his abs were just staring at you. His red shorts clung to his thighs - he reminded you of show that had aired in september, something like bay watch. He looked like he belonged on that show. You wouldn’t mind getting to see that everyday. You now understand why there was probably more teens than families.

Grayson had spotted you the minute you stepped foot on the beach. god, were you beautiful. Your simple outfit was like the sexiest outfit he’d ever seen, because you were wearing it. Your piercings and tattoos were so incredibly hot, he’d never seen anyone like you if he was being honest. He came from a town where not many people expressed themselves, everyone except him and his twin that is - and now apparently you. Ethan, graysons twin, spotted you too. He knew grayson was already head over heels for you.

“she’s definitely new” ethan voiced climbing out of the water, pulling his shorts up. grayson nodded agreeing “yeah, might go, uh see how she is” grayson said making ethan chuckle. “sure, whatever you say bro” Ethan laughed before walking off the his chair.

Grayson began running up to you, he could see you checking him out. Good, he liked that.

finally after what felt like ages he arrived at where you decided to sit down. You looked up at him smirking cocking your head to the side.

“grayson dolan” he smiled sticking his hand out, you shook it still with a smirk on your face. “y/n l/n” you say as he sat down beside you. “you’re new to town right?” he asked putting a hand through his hair. you just nod putting your hand on the sand.

“met your mom earlier. said she had two handsome boys at the beach. she must have meant the other one” you tease making grayson raise an eyebrow, smirking. “oh yeah?” he asked resting on his elbow.

“hmm” you hummed looking down on him. “i have to say, never gotten that one” grayson said, you just shrugged “maybe you just need some humbling grayson dolan” you said standing and wiping your shorts to get the sand off.

“i’m working in the diner tomorrow. maybe you can come and i’ll humble you some more”

“i think i like the sound of that y/n l/n” grayson smirked getting up himself. “see you then, grayson” you smile walking away.

fuck, he thought. He was going to make y/n l/n his.

you arrived home smiling like crazy. you’re not even 24 hours here and you’re already head over heels for a man you know hardly anything about.

you pulled off your shoes again and through them on the floor. when you skipped into the kitchen and put on the radio, girls just want to have fun came on. You grabbed a spoon and danced around the kitchen waiting for cyndi lauper to sing. “i come home, in the morning light” you sing jumping up and down.

“girls they wanna have fun”

after dinner and another shower you watch a movie and then head to bed, waiting to see that lifeguard again tomorrow.

You woke up early on your own body clock. that has never happened before, but seen as you’re meeting a boy and having your first day of work it seems to make sense to you. you shower and use all the good stuff. you also shave - just in case, you never know.

you leave all your peircings and change into skinny black jeans and a fleetwood mac shirt. lisa said she’d give you the uniform in your locker and that you could change in the bathroom if you’d like, you agreed with that. it meant that you didn’t have to wear the uniform home. you wore your converse and placed your hair in a loose ponytail.

you walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water and apple, and ate it quickly chugging the water down afterwards. you quickly ran back to the bathroom and brushed your teeth, before running to the door and making your way to the dinner - you really didn’t want to be late on your first day.

“y/n!” lisa smiled pulling you into a hug. “good to see you again” she said pausing “go get changed and then i’ll teach you some bits” she grinned placing a hand on my shoulder and pulling me along into the locker room. “here your locker, your uniform is in there. you can change in here or the bathroom just down the hall” she said, making you nod with a smile.

lisa left and you got dress into the blue top and skirt, the collar was lined with red and there was a white apron placed around your waist. your white converse actually went perfectly with the uniform, so you gave yourself a pat on the back for that.

once you walked out the place look a bit more lively, which made you happy and eager. You wanted to get on the locals good side. “oh good! you’re ready, this is lily. she’s a little bit older than you, working here part time” lisa said introducing you guys. you smiled and shook her hand “y/n” you say and she smiled “so nice to meet you” she replied taking the pen out of her hair.

“so all you have to do in take people’s orders. then tell the chef” lisa said giving you pen and paper “i won’t put you on the till yet, but i will teach you tomorrow” she said and you smiled nodding. “be nice, smile and make small talk” she listed and then placed a hand on your back “you’ve got this. now table two needs a waitress” she said pushing you off. you walked down around the counter and to table two. “hi, what can i do for you” you say smiling.

“huh, y/n” grayson said making you look up from you paper. you smirk at him dropping you arms down to your waist. “grayson dolan, knew you couldn’t resist me” you tease making him laugh. “seducing costumers on your first day? y/n seriously?” grayson said making you shake your head.

“shut up. what can i get for you” you say and grayson smiled. “are you on the menu?” he asked leaning back. you bite your lip, trying to hide your blush. “maybe. what’s the offer?” you asked rocking back and forth on your feet. “a dinner. me and you. maybe some kissing, never know” he said placing his hands on the table.

you shrug smirking again, you tear a piece of paper out and begin to right down your address “pick me up at 7.” you say and give him the sheet.

“now what can i get for you?”

the day went by rather fast after grayson asking on you a date. you loved the job, lisa and lily so much already and knew this summer was going to be one to remember.

“y/n you did so good today” lily complimented taking off her apron. you smiled “thank you. it was actually a lot of fun” you say taking out your clothes out. “saw you talking to gray” lily said with a teasing smile.

“oh shut up! it’s only one date”

“grayson dolan does not do dates. consider yourself lucky, than man looks like wants to marry you” lily said making you roll your eyes. “now i have to go home to my husband and baby while you are out enjoying your life” lily said dramatically making you roll your eyes.

“enjoy” you say waving and walk off out of the locker room.

you say goodbye to lisa before pratically running home to get ready for your special night with grayson.

once you got home you ran to your room and placed your clothes in the wash basket, after a quick shower you pull out the one dress you packed, a white off the shoulder dress. it was nothing special, but it was comfortable and you felt pretty damn good in it - and of course your signature converse. you put your hair into a half up half down sort of look and only put on some mascara and blush. you wanted to look simple, yet cute. but the piercings and tattoos kind of cancelled out the cute.

you look at yourself in the mirror and nod at yourself. “you can do this. you can have fun” you say and place a hand on your hip. “you look good.” you say and smile and then just on time, grayson knocked on the door with flowers in his hands.

you walked down to the door and took a breath in before opening it. grayson stood before you, in a white shirt and dress pants. the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up so you could see the vains, God he looked good.

“wow. you look beautiful” grayson breathed out handing you the flowers, you blushed and smiled. “thank you, come on in” you say walking to the kitchen.

you walk back down and see grayson leaning against the table his hands in pocket. “hmm. you look so good” grayson said standing up. you just held out your hand “why don’t we skip dinner and go the beach instead?” you asked and grayson raised an eyebrow.

“sounds great”

so you both walked down to the beach hand in hand. laughing at the most stupidest of things.

“i thought you were from bay watch the first time i saw” you laugh and grayson pushed you away pouting. “so sexy” you giggle making him shake your head. “well i for one heard wedding bells seeing you” grayson teased pulling you into him. you hummed and looked up him. “you’re definitely husband material” you say walking down to the beach.

“sure” he said rolling his eyes and pulling you down. none of you had towers or spare clothes, but this. this moment is what you both needed. the cold air, the waves crashing and the birds talking. all you could hear was the water, the birds and your giggles.

you pulled off your dress rather quickly, leaving you in a black lace bra and panties. grayson was gawking, he pratically had to close his mouth with his hand. your body, was perfection. it was beautiful. Once grayson was ready he picked you up making you squeal and ran to the water.

“grayson” you giggle and hit his back lightly.

“oh shit, it’s cold” you say wrapping yourself around grayson. “oh is it?” he teased placing his hands on your thighs. you smirk knowing exactly what he was doing.

“yeah, it’s cold” you say putting a hand in his hair. you look down to his lip and bit your lip making him groan. “fuck it” he said placing his lips on yours. you moan and he lets his tongue make its way into your mouth.

“fuck me” grayson hummed into your mouth making you giggle and push his head into the water.

“try and catch me!”

You both come out of the water soaked and giddy. “put my shirt on” grayson said throwing his shirt at you.

you pull it over your head and place your hand in graysons after he put his pants back on. “you wanna come back to mine?” you asked and he nodded “no ones home. for the whole summer” you say walking backwards.

“so we can fuck anywhere” you say smirking, grayson groans and picks you up making you laugh. he pratically carried you the whole way home, only putting you down to unlock the door.

once you guys reached your bedroom he kissed you again, picking you and throwing you on your bed. you lay there looking up at him with teasing eyes. “take of the shirt” he demanded, making you sit up and throw the shirt on the ground, leaving you in a wet bra and more than wet panties.

“so beautiful” grayson said as he climbed out of his pants, leaving him only in his boxers.

grayson grabbed your face in his hands and your lips finally meet once again. his fingers tighten around your face as he begins to kiss you roughly. one hands drifts from your face to your bare thigh, his fingers glide up and down your thigh making you shiver.

“you like that, baby?” he asked and you nodded “more” you begged and he pecked your lips. “soon” he said his fingers making their way between your clit, placing his lips back on yours.

you moan into his mouth as he begins to get faster, his fingers going to your slit, him playing around with it.

“don’t stop” you moan into his mouth, he looked at your teasingly. “don’t want my cock then?” he asked cocking his head to the side. you nodded quickly, “yes gray, i do, want it so bad” you moan bucking your hips.

“cum, and then i’ll make you so full”

you cummed quickly, your hips going in all different directions. he waited for you to come down from your high before taking over your panties and bra. he sighed in content, “so beautiful” he repeated kissing your breasts and down your stomach.

“please” you begged again, making him smirk. “one second, honey” he said kissing your thighs. he pulled down his boxers and you moaned at the sight, his cock was huge and the tip was full of pre-cum. you wanted his cock in you, now.

after putting on the condom he had in his pocket grayson finally pushes into you, making you moan out. “oh fuck” you moan holding onto graysons shoulder. grayson gets slower and slower. “come on grayson. fuck me like the bad girl i am” you whispered into his ear. he groaned and placed a hand on your neck, before pounding into you. you bed begins to creak loudly banging against the wall. he wraps his hand around your neck tighter making you scream out.

“keep going, gray” you say bucking your hips.“i’m gonna cum” you cry and graysons nods going faster. “me too. come on, cum for be princess” he said pounding into you.

you both cum and grayson stays in you a little longer, when he takes his cock out you feel empty, but he just pulls you closer to him.

“who knew you could fuck like that” you tease placing your head on his chest. grayson just chuckled and kissed your head, pulling you closer to him.

“another round?”

“how could i say no, lifeguard”

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Death by a Thousand Cuts - j. debrusk

Trying to venture into some new territory, let me know what you think! Title’s from the Taylor Swift song. 4.8k of post-breakup Jake DeBrusk angst, as always, I love hearing feedback! I read all the tags, so feel free to reblog, pop into my inbox, anything!

Wine pairing from someone with zero authority on the subject: a full-bodied Syrah - smooth, fruity, the kind of wine I’d want to drink if I was sad. 

My heart, my hips, my body, my love/Trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch

Shadi threw back another shot, wincing as the vodka burned down her throat. Clara rubbed her back sympathetically. “Better?” She shrugged. Alcohol was great for forgetting things, but there were some wounds too fresh and too deep for even a Sazerac to cure. And her wounds were named Jake DeBrusk.

Jake had been her everything, still was her everything, and the idea that she was somehow now in charge of forgetting everything they had shared was more than she could bear. Breakups weren’t something Shadi took lightly, and especially when she had spent the past year falling more in love with him with each breath she took. Forgetting more than a year’s worth of early-morning conversations in his bed, Jake’s hand gently brushing back her hair before kissing her temple and going out to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. Shadi couldn’t start her day without coffee. A year’s worth of games, up in the box with the other WAGs and down in the tunnel, their lips crashing together in the euphoria of a post-win high. A year’s worth of vacations, to Edmonton to visit his family and Dallas to see hers, laying on the white sand beaches of Tahiti in the summer. A year’s worth of falling asleep to him tracing lines between the freckles on her bare back in the glow of the post-sex fog. It wasn’t like she was going to forget any of it anytime soon. And if Shadi was being honest with herself, it wasn’t like she wanted to. 

---

Shadi met Jake just after moving into her new apartment with Clara, her best friend from BC, when they decided to celebrate their newfound jobs and independence with a bar crawl. As luck would have it, they never actually made it past the first one. Clara had just finished up her first week as a tenth grade English teacher, and Shadi had the weekend to relax before her marketing analytics post started on Monday. 

She wasn't going out to meet someone, not really, but if there was someone attractive enough and charming enough she wasn’t absolutely opposed to spending the night in a bed that wasn’t her own. Shadi sat at the bar, responding to a few texts and sipping her drink as she waited for Clara to return from the bathroom. She wasn’t paying enough attention to her surroundings to notice someone sidle up next to her, getting a little too close for comfort. “Hey,” he said loudly, startling her. Shadi looked up — way up, he was at least six or seven inches taller than her 5’5 — to the stranger’s face, flashing a tight smile. She didn’t know any women who particularly liked to be accosted in the middle of a drink. 

“Hey,” she said. 

He inched closer. “I’m Darren, nice to meet you.”

As much as she’d really just like to be able to tell the guy to fuck all the way off, Shadi hated that it was a far better decision for her safety and security to just try and tacitly go along with it. Let him down easy. 

“Shadi,” she responded. 

He whistled, and she internally cringed, trying as subtly as she could to look towards the bathrooms and trying to spot Clara. More than once, they had pretended to be a couple at bars to get each other out of situations exactly like this one. “Shadi,” he said, testing out the name. “What is that? Arabic? Indian?”

Now she visibly cringed, raising her eyebrows. Great, he’s racist as well as a creep. “Neither. I’m Persian.” 

“Cool, super cool,” he said, nodding. “So, Shadi, what brings you here?”

“Starting a new job next week,” she said, looking back down at her phone, trying to give him just enough information to keep him from being pissed at her. 

Darren finished his drink. “That’s cool, yeah. Good for you. I work in finance. High-level account managing and stuff. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I like the challenge.” Great, add finance bro to the list of reasons why I’ll never go home with this guy, Shadi thought. 

“Nice,” Shadi said, looking away and taking a sip of her drink and trying her damndest to make it clear she wasn’t interested. 

Darren moved even closer, his hand now resting on her waist as Shadi leaned as far away from him as she could while still staying on her seat, looking frantically around for Clara, or anyone, to bail her out. “You come here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shadi said nervously, eyes still sweeping the room. “My boyfriend should be around here somewhere.” Darren didn’t need to know she didn’t have a boyfriend, and as much as she hated that men like him were more likely to leave her alone if they thought she was spoken for than if she told him herself she wasn’t interested, it was the best thing she could do in the moment. 

Darren took a cursory glance around the room. “I don’t see anyone coming,” he noted. “You sure about that, Shadi?

“Yes,” she squeaked, as his hand tightened around her waist and she froze like a deer in headlights, too stiff to flag down the bartender.

“It’s polite to look at people when they’re talking to you, or did they not teach that where you’re from?” 

Shaking, she turned back to look at him. “I’m from Texas,” she spat. 

“I think we could really have some fun together, if you’d just stop being so uptight we could really—” Darren didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, his arm being forcefully removed from her waist. She swung around, meeting the eyes of her unknown savior, who was too busy glaring at the man across from her to even meet her eyes. 

“Seems like you’re having a hard time taking no for an answer,” he said. 

Darren looked up, rubbing his wrist from where it had been in a vice grip only moments before. “You the boyfriend?”

The other man didn’t even flinch. “Yeah, I’m the boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t, she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you, but she’s just too polite to tell you to fuck off. Luckily,” he smirked. “I’m not.”

Darren rolled his eyes, grabbing his half-empty glass and inching away from the bar. “Whatever. Wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.” 

Shadi collapsed into her hands as soon as he was out of earshot, breathing shakily. The stranger reached out tentatively, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. “You okay?”

She leaned back, taking another drink and nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be okay, it’s not like it’s the first time this has happened. He just really didn’t want to leave me alone and I couldn’t find my friend and he didn’t seem to be getting the message that I wasn’t interested.” 

He grimaced. “On behalf of my entire gender, I apologize for all the shitty men you have ever had to encounter.”

“Thank you,” she said, laughing slightly and setting her glass back down on the bar. “And thanks for stepping in, you really didn’t have to.”

He shook his head. “I just did what any decent guy would do. I’ve got a sister, girls deserve to feel safe in bars.”

“Regardless,” she added, “I appreciated it. And just so you know,” she said, pausing, “you don’t have to worry about an actual boyfriend coming around. I’ve just found it’s the easiest way for guys to leave me alone.” Shadi surprised herself; she wasn’t normally this bold. 

He dipped his head. “Good to know. Probably should properly introduce myself, then. Jake DeBrusk,” he said, sticking his hand out. 

“Shadi Azizi.” She shook it, smirking slightly as she took a sip of her drink. “I know.” 

He smiled bashfully, scratching his head. “Hockey fan?” 

She nodded. “I’ll go to Bruins games when I can make it, but I’m from Dallas, so…” she shrugged. 

“You’ve already sold your soul to the Stars,” Jake finished. 

Shadi laughed. “Yep. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl.”

Jake eyed her glass, seeing that she was nearly finished. “Can I get you another?” Shadi nodded after a moment. “Sure.” He caught the bartender’s eye. “What are you drinking?” “Whiskey on the rocks.” Jake leaned back on his stool, clutching his hands over his chest. “A woman after my own heart.”

---

Three months later, it was November, and Shadi was in Jake’s kitchen, doling out Chinese takeout onto two plates. “Beer?” she asked over the counter, to where Jake was flopped on the couch, flipping through channels in hopes of finding something mildly interesting to watch.

“Yes please,” he shot back. He had just gotten back from a road trip that afternoon, eleven days in the Midwest, and there were few things he wanted more than to be back in Shadi’s arms. They had started a sort of unspoken tradition; Shadi had taken to spending the night whenever Jake came back from a road trip, and he wasn’t about to start complaining. He loved his job and he loved his team, but after a week or two of being around them practically 24/7, he didn’t want to waste any time getting back to her. 

Shadi padded back towards the living room, sliding a plate of lo mein and fried rice over to Jake, who leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “Thanks, babe,” he said, putting the remote down. “Parks and Rec good with you?”

She nodded, mouth full. “Doesn’t take much to convince me. I’d kill a man for Leslie Knope.”

Jake laughed. Shadi looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. “You think I’m joking?”

He held his free hand up in mock surrender, the other balancing his plate on the arm of the couch. “I should have known better. Will you ever forgive me?”

“Maybe,” Shadi said, scrunching up her nose. “I think I can find it somewhere deep in the recesses of my cold, dead heart.” 

Things between Jake and Shadi had gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, certainly more quickly than Jake was expecting. But, as he was realizing, that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. The scene was definitely more domestic than he was used to; it wasn’t unusual for him and Shadi to join some of their friends or the team for a night out at the bars or clubs, but it was just as common to have an evening in. It was nice, being together like this. Domesticity was never something that was quite his style, but as he thought, looking over at Shadi, who was entirely engrossed in Leslie’s valiant attempts to control a town hall meeting, maybe it could become his style.

You said it was a great love, one for the ages/But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

It was the end of January, and Shadi was in Edmonton. Jake had told her about Boston’s bye week about two months earlier, the plan having originally been to drive up to New Hampshire for a week of camping in White Mountain. But then Jake had been selected for the All-Star Team, much to his surprise — not Shadi’s, who had been convinced he’d be picked practically since the season started —  and their schedule had been turned on its head. He had decided that it would make more sense to visit his family. Shadi didn’t complain; she had just started to get used to Boston winters, and wasn’t confident in her ability to go a week in a tent in the middle of January.

What surprised her, though, was when he invited her to come with him. She had never met his parents in person before. Over FaceTime, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Jake was initially very shy about extending the invitation, almost as if he wasn’t sure if that was something she wanted or was ready for. His concern was sweet, but Shadi was more touched that he had asked her to come in the first place, and put in her request for vacation time that night. 

The flight wasn’t much over six hours, a short layover in Montréal and one connection later and they landed in Edmonton. Shadi met up with Jake just outside of passport control, pulling her pea coat tightly around herself. “Ooh,” she said, breathing out shakily. “Bit chilly here, no?”

Jake laughed. Oh, if only she knew. “Wait till you get outside, babe. It’s January in the middle of Alberta.”

“How bad can it get?” Shadi asked naively. Pretty bad, as she found out the moment they stepped outside the terminal into the freezing air. She was suddenly very grateful her parka was in her bag, a Patagonia jacket that had been one of her first big purchases when she moved to Boston. Jake was having a very good fun time poking fun at her in the three minutes it took for his parents to pull up. 

“Aww, is my Texas girl cold? Is she having trouble dealing with real weather?”

Shadi glared at him. “Shut up.”

His parents were incredible, kind and welcoming from the moment they picked them up at the airport. They drove them back to Jake’s childhood home, where his sister greeted her with a hug. She had visited Boston a few weeks prior, her and Shadi immediately getting along thanks to their shared taste in coffee orders and music. They had swapped Spotify playlists more than one time since her visit. 

The week she spent in Edmonton was amazing. Even though she may have been a little bit apprehensive from the start, all of her worries were just distant memories by the time they had to get back on the plane. She had always been good with parents; whether it was her best friend or her boyfriend, they had always liked her. Making a good impression and being unfailingly respectful, especially to her elders, was a value that had been instilled in her from a young age. She had brought a tin of qurabiya on the plane as a gift for them, after a half-dozen Google searches to make sure she could bring them across the border and a twenty minute long phone call with her mom to make sure she was using the right type of almonds. They loved them, and seeing the tin already empty on the third day of her trip filled her heart.

“She’s really good for you, you know,” his mom said, as he was packing his suitcase for the flight back. “You’re still you, fun and spontaneous and caring. But you’re a more mature, thoughtful version of yourself. And I think that’s thanks to Shadi.”

Jake blushed, shoving his toothbrush in his toiletry bag. “She is. She’s great, Mom. We have so much fun together, and she really does bring out the best in me.” He paused for a moment. “I think I’m in love with her.”

His mom raised her eyebrows, not surprised and certainly not disappointed, but a little astonished that he had realized himself what she saw from the moment they had landed in Canada. She had just been waiting for him to admit it. “You do?” she asked, a hint of a smile on her face.

He nodded, more sure this time. “I’m in love with her, Mom.”

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand/Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

“You doing okay, babe?” Clara asked gently, one hand on Shadi’s back as she nursed her third beer of the night. Shadi reached up to try and wipe away her tears. Thank God she hadn’t worn any mascara. She nodded, trying to flash her best friend a smile, but it didn’t meet her eyes. 

Shadi hadn’t ever been the kind of person to put up walls. That was Jake’s thing. But she was a great actress, and if Clara hadn’t known her as well as she did, she wouldn’t have been able to call her on it. 

“Bullshit, Shadi. You’re not fine and I know it. You know it.” God, Clara could read her like a book. It wasn’t okay, she wasn’t okay, and she sure as hell wasn’t over him. She didn’t know when she would be over him. If ever. 

They said that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one. If Rome was a metaphor for their relationship, Shadi would say there’s never been a more accurate phrase. All it took was five minutes for Jake to break her heart, for the world they had built together to come crumbling apart around her. As much as she hated it, there was still a part of her that couldn’t help but try to look back on that night. Shadi almost called bullshit on him the moment he said he was breaking up with her, because he had never even brought it up before, and that’s not something you just drop on someone like he did, right? But she didn’t, she hadn’t gotten closure and hadn’t gotten a reason, an actual reason, and so any curly hair she saw out of the corner of her eye that night she kept hoping was Jake’s, and any cocky smile from some guy trying to buy her a drink — she’d let them, for the free alcohol, but they never got a conversation out of her — she kept wishing was his. 

---

It was September, and Shadi felt like she was walking on air. She and Jake had celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago, and things couldn’t be going better. Training camp for the new season had started, which had begun to take up more of his time than she maybe would have liked, but she was dealing with it. They both were. It was like Shadi had told him two months into their relationship, and countless times since: she knew what she was signing up for, knew that sometimes she would have to take a backseat to hockey, and she was okay with that. Having Jake some of the time was better than not having him at all. 

So when Jake had texted her that morning, asking if she was free to come over that night, she thought nothing of it. Well, scratch that, she thought a lot of it. It had been about two weeks since they had had a proper date night; while she loved him sneaking into her apartment to sleep for a few hours before he had to get up or meeting in the mornings for coffee and bagels, they were in desperate need of some alone time. Jake hadn’t exactly been distant since their anniversary, but it had definitely seemed like something was on his mind. And when she asked Clara, or her older sister Yasmin, or Hannah, her best friend in Houston, they all said the same thing. If nothing seemed like it was going wrong, but he was seeming distant, but they were still communicating, then there was really only one possibility, at least according to them. He was going to propose. 

So Shadi took a little longer in front of the mirror, put on her good jeans instead of just a pair of sweats, ran a comb through her hair. She grabbed her car keys, locking the door to her apartment and nervously pressing on the elevator button. Why was she nervous? She was in love with Jake. She saw a future with him, a future together. If tonight was going to be the start of forever, there was nothing to be afraid of. I wonder what Jake’s doing now, Shadi thought. Was he waiting for her on the couch? Trying to cook pasta, the only dinner he could reliably make without burning? Pacing back and forth in his room, turning over the ring box in his hand? The ring. What did it look like? Did he buy it new, or was it a family heirloom? Did he ask any of the guys on the team for tips, or did — Stop it, Shadi reminded herself. He doesn’t have to be proposing. We do nights in almost every week. Maybe he just wants to watch a movie. But in the back of her mind, as she pulled out of the parking garage, was the possibility that she was about to walk into one of the most important nights of her life. And it was, but not in the way she thought. Not in the way she wanted. 

Jake’s place was only ten minutes away from hers; before she even knew it, she was killing the engine and walking up the stairs to his door. She tapped her knuckles against the wood. It was barely ten seconds before Jake opened it up, smiling at her.  “Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said, leading her into the living room and pressing a kiss against her cheek, lingering a little longer than usual 

Shadi knew something was off even as they sat on the couch thirty minutes later, Star Wars playing on the screen in front of them. If she was being honest, she knew something was wrong from the moment she got there. Jake was acting stuff, not distant, but almost confused. LIke he had something on his mind that he couldn’t quite spit out. And it didn’t seem like a proposal. “Alright,” Shadi said, huffing and propping herself up on one arm to face Jake. “What’s up.”

To his credit, he didn’t mince words, didn’t play dumb. He knew better than to insult her intelligence like that, and she knew better than to believe him. “You noticed, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “I love you for a lot of reasons, J, but you really do have a terrible poker face.”

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaving a piece hanging in front of his eye. “Alright,” he said, in that kind of I-know-what-I-need-to-say-but-I-don’t-want-to-say-it tone, the one that she wasn’t expecting. The one that never means good news. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on my life, our lives over the past thirteen months we’ve been together, and I’ve loved every minute of the time that we’ve spent together.” Okay, Shadi furrowed her brows, where’s he going with this? “I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities in life, where they are right now and where I think they should be. And I’ve realized that,” he swallowed, “I’m at a place in my life where I need to be focusing on hockey.” Oh no. “And I don’t think I’m in a position where I can have a relationship and be as invested in my career as I need to be.” Oh God. 

Shadi sat up, stunned. “Are you...Are you breaking up with me?” 

Jake nodded his head jerkily. “And I want you to know that I don’t regret anything about our relationship. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, or the time we’ve spent together, or anything. I just don’t think I’m able to give you, or our relationship, the attention it deserves. You deserve someone who’s going to be able to dedicate a hundred percent to you, and as much as I wish I could, I don’t think I’m that person.”

“So, you’re saying I’m a distraction?” Shadi asked slowly, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. 

Jake ran a hand through his hair, tangling his fingers in his curls. “Fuck. No. That’s not it. I just don’t know if I’m in a place where I’m able to juggle two things that are so important, and that I want to dedicate this much time to.” 

She scoffed. “Are you really trying to pull the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line with me, DeBrusk?” That stung. She never called him by his last name, not even when they started dating. It was J, or babe, or even Jake if she was particularly annoyed, but never just DeBrusk. 

“Would it make you feel better if I was?” 

Shadi shook her head. “It’s worse. Don’t you know that it’s worse? Because then there’s not anything I feel like I could have done differently. Nothing I could have done to change your mind.” Her eyes drifted down to her right hand, where the gorgeous pearl ring Jake had gotten her for their anniversary just a month prior sat on her ring finger. “You said you were going to marry me one day,” Shadi said, sliding her fingertips down to the band and gently twisting it off. Her hand felt bare, even though it had only been there for a month. Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Never make a promise you can’t keep. 

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

God, sometimes Shadi just felt so fucking stupid. She almost felt naive, shortsighted from not listening to her friends in Boston, or people back home who warned her about Jake.“You know his reputation. You know how hockey players are” Shadi couldn’t count the number of times people had told her that, and the number of times she hadn’t listened. “He doesn’t stick with any one girl.” “I know you like him, but he’s only going to break your heart.” But the thing was, he hadn’t. Jake had made it clear, straight from the start of their relationship, that they were exclusive, and he backed it up. She wore his jersey to games, went as his date to all the Bruins fundraisers, and took the week off to come with him when he was selected for the All-Star Game. Jake knew his reputation better than anyone, and that’s why he was so committed to making sure she knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy everyone kept trying to peg him as. And Shadi had never felt so much pride then when she was able to turn around, prove them wrong, and say: “You see? He’s never done anything to hurt me, and he’s not about to start now.” 

But she couldn’t, not anymore. She couldn’t, because they all had been right and he had broken his promises and her heart and now she was crying in a bar with her best friend on a Friday night and had no clue how to get a grip of her feelings. She pounded back another beer, barely even stopping to swallow before ordering a fourth round. Or was it a fifth? She didn’t know, and at that point, she really didn’t care. 

I get drunk, but it's not enough/’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

Sometime past one but before her next door neighbor’s chihuahua always started barking at two, Shadi stumbled into her apartment. She unstrapped her heels and placed them haphazardly by the door as she walked down to the bathroom, reaching around the cupboard for her toothpaste. Teeth were brushed and flossed, and she had shed nearly all of her clothes by the time she reached her bed. She grabbed the nearest sweatshirt to pull over her body as makeshift pajamas, only half paying attention. Shadi was too tired to look too closely; if she had, she would have noticed that it was a Bruins hoodie, the very first one Jake had ever given to her, a month and a half into their relationship. 

It seemed like Shadi had barely drifted off to sleep when she was woken up by the sound of frantic knocks on her door. Her first thought was something was wrong with Clara, who lived down the hall, that she wasn’t feeling well or needed to be talked out of texting her ex-girlfriend. It had happened before. But then she realized that Clara would have called first. Then her thought was a fire somewhere, but she didn’t smell smoke and her alarm hadn’t gone off. The knocking persisted. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. You’re going to wake up the whole building,” Shadi grumbled, throwing back the covers and padding out to the living room, pants be damned. 

She tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, the harsh light of the hallway fluorescents the first thing she noticed as the door swung open. The second thing was the person standing in front of it. It was Jake. His hand was frozen in the air, like he was about to knock for a fourth time if she hadn’t answered. “What are you doing here?” she whispered, her voice small. She didn’t trust it to speak any louder. 

Jake’s breath hitched as he noticed what she was wearing. His sweatshirt. He stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out her pearl ring. The same one she had taken off the day he left, the same one he had given her when his thoughts of the future were filled with big houses and weddings and kids’ birthday parties. He held it out to her. “I had to see you.”

[felixstarry-freckles]

Hey do you think you can write a cute married life scenario with Hanse?

A/N: •O• I tried my best. I know you wanted a married life but I was inspired to write from the proposal to the wedding to then married life. Feel free to ask for a Victon as Boyfriends, I gladly will. Fun fact I write these things while listening to horror stories... if you’re my sister and you see this no you didn’t.

Married life with Hanse... OMG I’m sure it would be really great. Hanse is cheeky and yet a bit clumsy, but all together such a cute bean.

Proposal:

Honestly, he would do the sweetest proposal ever.

Imagine this: dating for about 3 1/2-4 1/2 years(I’m a firm believer that Hanse would take time because he want to be 100% when he proposes bc he plans to be with you forever)

He planned this extremely elaborate and beautiful proposal 

I mean like a wonderful stroll through a public garden then go to the Han river and ride those duck boat things, then maybe nice meal at a popular restaurant with an amazing view of the city lights

Because Hanse is cheesy and you also are low key a sucker for cheesy things 

While you’re eating dinner he mentions the beautiful view and as you look out the window he goes on one knee and presents the ring

While that is all happening the musicians at the restaurant play the song that you both love and bonded over

That was his whole plan.

BUT the day of Hanse’s planned proposal something happened

Hanse was sick.

Boy got sick because of all the nights he spent not sleeping to plan

Although he was sick Hanse decided to pull through as he wasn’t THAT sick just a light fever nothing too extreme(to him)

So the two of you went to the first destination: The garden

As you both were strolling through the garden a sudden downpour fell

You both ran out of the rain into a coffee shop

The rain continued and so did Hanse’s fever

You noticed his flushed face and sleepy look on his face

“Hanse let’s go home, the car isn't too far from here”

“No we need to go to the restaurant,”

“We can go some other time,”

You and Hanse went back and fourth until he shouted

“NO WE CAN’T I NEED TO PROPOSE TO YOU!”

Your face flushed and you stood shocked. 

Hanse was also shocked that he just spoiled the proposal

Everyone in the shop(customers, barista, heck even the janitor who just finished cleaning the bathroom) were shooketh

Hanse decided to just get it over with and knelled on one knee

“This is nothing like how I planned to propose to you... I wanted to make it really special because you are extremely special to me”

Hanse says a few more cheesy things then pulls the beautiful ring out

A few tears leave your eyes

“So will you marry me?”

You nod like crazy as he stands up and puts the ring on your finger.

Then... Hanse faints

As fast as Hanse stood is as fast as he went down

At the hospital you had the privileged to explain to the doctor how this happened

Now you have a unique proposal story to tell your future kids, family, and friends :)

Wedding + Honey Moon:

He would be SO nervous. 

Like Hanse is honestly one of the cutest and softest members in Victon.

He spent more time and gave his vows more attention than any rap he has ever written

Of course the members made sure this time he slept properly so there wasn’t a proposal story part 2 wedding edition

Your wedding theme was elegant

I believe 

The accent colors were a wine red and gold

your dress was a long with gold lace details

All in all you looked gorgeous

As you walked in and everyone looked at you Hanse couldn’t keep it in

He told himself he wouldn’t 

He told his members to pinch him if he did

But nope he still did

Hanse teared up

He was so happy that he couldn’t hold back

The thoughts in his mind were all about how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to be marrying you and how he is 100% sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you

Fast forward: The reception is over the vows from you and Hanse were both very cheesy yet very cute. You both shared your kiss and now you moved to the dinner/party place

People ate and socialized

Then your best friend read her speech

She joked how it was unfair that you got married first and also shared embarrassing stories of your college years together

Then Hanse’s best friends shared their speeches

The cake was cut and might I say your choice of cake was good

After everyone went to the dance floor and danced

Since you are the very quiet in comparison to Hanse he has to do the work to get you to dance and be out there more.

The dancing was fun but when it came to the slow dance people left the dance floor and left it to the both of you

Finally it was time to throw the bouquet and get the party over with

Some cousin of yours caught it btw

Now for the Honey moon 👀

You guys went to a warm tropical place

Had tons of fun at the beach and several steamy nights... for the week you were there...

All in all your wedding was a beautiful and perfect

Your honeymoon was just heaven

Married Life:

Let me tell you 

SO HECKING CUTE

Hanse is a great husband

Waking up next to him everyday = cute cuddles in the morning

He is a very awkward and shy at first as he still isn’t used to calling you his wife or referring to you as his wife

Later his preferred pet name for you is Sweets or Sweetie

At small market areas or food stalls the sweet older women’s always compliment you and Hanse saying that you look like a great couple.

Hanse is very cuddly and clingy so if course when he’s tired he’ll hug you and won’t let go until he feels better

Be ready for a lot of snuggles

Chilling in the couch? Boom snuggles

Taking a nap? Boom more snuggles

Want some alone time while you read or watch tv? NOPE MORE SNUGGLES

Kids? Kids.

In the beginning you both didn’t think kids were a great idea, as both of you still felt that it was too early in the marriage.

You would have one child about a year after your marriage

She was not planned but all in all she was a blessing

But after the first one Hanse admitted he felt bad your her because she would be very lonely.

Guess what, you gave in

After two years after your daughter was born you had  her younger sibling.

Another girl.

Not that it really mattered if you had a boy or girl you both love your two beautiful daughters so much

He loves your daughters so much he has to ensure that they are happy 24/7

He is so weak when it comes to them, 

“Dad can I have this?” 

“Of course my little princess do you want anything else?”

Literally is the jealous type when it comes to your daughters

Like when they bring their first boyfriend/girlfriend Hanse won’t try to intimidate then

No, no, no

Hanse will 100% show how jealous he is

He’ll get pouty and won’t leave his daughter alone with their s/o bc he jealous

Will literally sit between them when they are watching movies

Or will join them at the amusement park and even suggest walking in between them and hold both your daughter’s and her date’s hand.

Arguments aren’t frequent but also aren’t rare. 

Don't worry they aren’t bad arguments more or less you and Hanse argue about small things get angry but then make up about an hour later.

When its something more important you’ll still talk to each other but in a cold tone

I don’t think you’d stay in an argument for too long because as stubborn as Hanse can be he also loves you to much to let something small harm his marriage with you.

All in all its a fun and beautiful marriage.

[thetriggeredhappy]

angst&hurt/comfort, where scout is anxious and doubts his skills, so he tries to calm himself by holding/hugging/whatever his plushie (or something else, idk), whilst someone is trying to get to him, to make him confess what is bothering him? idk if you wanna make it a ship ir maybe dad spy, ily -🦂

oh dude you already KNOW dad!spy hours are 24/7 up in here. welcome to “projecting RSD onto Scout TF2 episode 85″

-

Stupid summer, stupid break, stupid losing streak. Stupid everything.

Usually Scout was excited about breaks. A week or so of getting to be off work, heading home to visit family or going on a road trip or whatever was happening. It was nice, he loved it. But this time they had explicit orders from their boss not to go anywhere or do anything. To stay on base or to go specifically exclusively to the store in the nearest town for food or whatever. He hated it. The base was too small to hang out in for more than a few days at a time. He hated it.

And not to mention that they’d finished off work on a bad note. A day of losses turning into a week of losses, half the team scrambling to try and pull together enough to get one last good push in before the break and the other half deciding to just accept the loss and do better once they got back.

And every day after battle Soldier would single out someone who wasn’t on top of their game and lecture them. And all week, instead of going for the people who were largely slacking off and not breaking their necks to try and get them some actual wins, he went after Scout, who was so frantic that he kept making stupid mistakes.

And he just... usually he argued about it, and got in a fight with Soldier, but he just... didn’t have the energy for it. The day was over. They’d lost. And Scout knew it wasn’t entirely his fault, but it kind of felt like it. Maybe if he’d tried just a little bit harder, pushed himself just a little further, he could’ve gotten the rest of the team motivated. Maybe they all would’ve picked things back up and tried too. But he couldn’t do it.

It was frustrating. He knew his job, beyond what he did on the field, was trying to keep morale up. He kept music playing, he was always up for hanging out or playing a few hands of poker or headed into town with someone to get shitty fast food. And he tried really hard to be funny and to keep things lighthearted, tried so fucking hard to keep spirits up. And he knew if he said anything about it, pointed out how literally like all of his time was spent trying to make sure everyone was feeling okay, it would...

He didn’t know. Maybe they’d just tell him off for being whiny or whatever. Maybe it would stop working so well, if they knew he was always doing it so extremely on purpose, so intentionally. He didn’t know.

But at that moment, he was feeling so much like utter garbage that he knew he had to just avoid the team so he didn’t drag the mood down further. Usually they didn’t really miss him anyways, other than idly asking if he’d gotten into any trouble while he was off doing “whatever he did”. All he knew was that him feeling like shit around everyone else would just make them feel bad too. And it was break anyways—maybe they’d just end up feeling better on their own. Especially since he wasn’t around to interrupt them.

He had plenty of food in his room, mostly chips and candy bars and stuff like that, stuff he didn’t want the guys stealing. And he’d totally share if they asked, for sure, but for that moment he was mostly just digging through the hoard for himself and doing not much of anything else.

He felt like kind of an idiot, sitting alone and eating his feelings like some kind of angsty teen in a movie or the chick in the romcom who just got broken up with. But there was nobody there to ridicule him except himself. And he did, but... the point stood.

A few days passed like that. He had food, he had the little bathroom connected to his room, he had comics to entertain himself. He slept a lot, mostly. Felt like garbage. Read some comics. Ate chocolate about it. Slept some more. He left a few times to do a few assorted things—called home like he did every week, went into the common room late one night to grab some of his records back so he could listen to them.

At one point, he got a knock on his door. He didn’t answer, couldn’t seem to find the energy to. A second knock when the first was unanswered after about twenty seconds. He still didn’t move.

The next day, another knock. This one was accompanied by words. “Scout? I know you’re in there,” Spy called, sounding annoyed.

To be honest, Scout was pretty sure he didn’t have the energy to deal with whatever Spy was about to lecture him about. So he just rolled over.

“You’ve missed every team meal for almost four days. You’re being rude,” Spy declared.

Scout reached off the side of the bed and picked up a plushie that had fallen down. It was a big, chunky pig, and he’d won it when he and Pyro had gone out to a fair and he’d knocked the ball toss game out of the park. Pyro had taken three of the plushies he’d won, and insisted he keep the fourth for himself.

He felt like even more of a dumb baby, sitting there cradling a stuffed animal like he was scared to head off to his first day of kindergarten, but he was already too tired and filled with vague unrest for it to get to him much.

At some point he heard a heavy sigh and the clack of fancy shoes moving away down the hallway, and Scout relaxed.

Twenty minutes later, a knock.

“Scout, let me in,” Spy said firmly.

“Fuck off, Spy,” Scout snapped.

“Scout, if you don’t open the door, I’m going to,” Spy declared.

“Bullshit.”

A heavy sigh, and then a few moments later the door swung open.

“What the fuck?” Scout asked, lifting his head to glare towards the door as Spy stepped inside.

“I know how to pick locks, Scout. You know this.” Spy squinted to try to get used to the light, the blinds having been drawn. “I’m turning a light on.”

Scout just grumbled, dropping his head back into the plush pig. In his periphery, the light was indeed turned on. There was a beat of silence.

“I brought a plate from dinner. I was concerned you would get scurvy, since you now apparently have the diet of an eight year old child who was given a hundred dollars and left unsupervised at the grocery store,” Spy said dryly.

“I don’t want your fuckin’ handouts, Spy,” Scout muttered, muffled.

“It’s not a handout, it’s the fact that I refuse to have anyone on the team besides me whose teeth are falling out. Take the food.”

“Fuck off.”

Spy sighed again, and after a moment he moved to put the plate on the bedside table. Scout prickled at the proximity, but didn’t give him the satisfaction of looking up.

“I noticed that while you haven’t been at dinner, you still took the time to leave a thumb tack on my chair. Usually when you do that it’s because you’re angry with me. What exactly have I done?”

“I’m not mad at you, I’m just mad,” Scout grumbled.

“You know, it’s very childish to refuse to look at someone when they are trying to talk to you.”

“Guess I’ll just keep being the dumb idiot kid of the team then, huh?” Scout snapped.

Silence for a moment. “Scout. You’ve locked yourself away in your room and refused to come out again for several days. I know that something is wrong. The team does too—they’re starting to worry.”

“That might just be the most obvious lie you’ve ever fuckin’ told me, Spy,” Scout practically spat, and was glad to have his voice muffled, because suddenly it went a little tight.

“Is it that hard to believe that perhaps your teammates care about you?” Spy asked, a little sharply.

“It’s me, in case you haven’t noticed,” Scout said next, getting his voice back under control. “People don’t hang around me on purpose. They put up with me. And then they stop putting up with me at some point.”

“That’s not true,” Spy said, tone leaving no room for argument, but Scout elbowed some argument in anyways.

“All seven of my brothers, every fuckin’ date I’ve ever been on, the standing ban sayin’ I can’t go in Engie’s workshop or in Heavy’s workspace down by the boiler or the infirmary unless I’m actually seriously injured—“ Scout listed off, ticking off on his fingers, keeping his face hidden. “My own fucking dad decided he couldn’t fucking stand me and I was two years old, Spy, what the hell does that tell you? I’m an annoying little piece of shit and that’s all I’m ever gonna be and then one of these days I’m gonna die for real out in this hellhole desert and ain’t a single damn person out here will have ever even bothered to learn the name that’s supposed to go on my gravestone.”

Dead silence in the room. Scout’s arm fell back down by his side. His voice was shaky when he spoke again.

“Nobody’s ever even asked,” he managed. “Demo’s real name is Tavish, Heavy’s real name is Mikhal but his sisters call him Misha. And plenty of you guys get asked about it all the time but you don’t wanna say. And nobody’s ever even fuckin’ asked me.”

Silence for a few more seconds.

“I’m a whole person,” Scout said next. “I’m really into sci-fi. I’ve read every mainline issue comic book ever published after ‘35. I know how to cook and draw and I know the all the stats of every person on every major league baseball team. I was in theater in high school between track and baseball season in the winters and I and got a lead role on some Shakespearicles thing before it got cancelled because of budget cuts. I bet you didn’t even know that.”

“I didn’t,” Spy admitted.

“And why would you? Who the fuck cares? It’s just dumb scrawny idiot Scout, who the fuck cares what his deal is? He can barely do his job and read any word that’s over four syllables, who cares what he does? He ain’t nothin’ today, he must never have been somethin’ in the first place.”

“Scout—“

“Tell me I’m wrong, Spy,” he snapped, voice cracking down the middle.

“You’re wrong. Scout, what’s going on?” Spy asked, and his voice sounded closer, like he’d taken a knee. “What happened?”

He understood, logically, that telling Spy damn near anything was a bad idea. He sold information for a living. But logic hadn’t ever been much help to him, and anyways, he was pretty sure he was about to break down either way, and he could either cry like a dumb little baby and Spy could go to the rest of the team and tell them about stupid Scout and his crying for no reason, or he could at least sort of maybe a little bit sound justified and a little bit less completely unhinged.

“We lost all week because I fuckin’ suck at my job, and we don’t get to go off base for some goddamn reason, and I miss my family, and I—“ God damn it, he hoped to at least get to a second sentence before he broke, but here came the waterworks. “—and I know the team doesn’t give a shit, and if they even noticed they probably think I’m being some idiot baby, and I’m just so fuckin’ tired of all of this, alright? I’m just so goddamn exhausted, all the time, and no matter what I do I can’t make my own stupid, shitty, broken-ass brain shut up, and I...”

There was a hand on his shoulder, now. For some reason that’s what unstuck the sob in his throat.

“And I just miss my mom,” he managed, and sobbed again. “And I know that just makes me a stupid fucking baby—“

“Scout, it doesn’t,” Spy said firmly.

“Bullshit.”

A sigh, less exasperated than the others. “Scout, I miss my own parents. Often. Heavy writes to his mother, the Bushman calls home once a week and stays on the phone for an hour at a time. Do you think they would do that if they didn’t miss them?”

Scout couldn’t seem to find his voice, and just sniffled a little.

“If anything, it’s good that you miss your mother. You are appreciating her now, while she’s still part of your life, rather than later on when she’s gone. That’s a good thing.”

“Here I am cryin’ over dumb shit—“

“The fact that you’re even capable of tears shows that you haven’t completely sealed yourself off from your emotions like several of our testosterone-puppet teammates. I’m fairly certain that Medic surgically removed his own tear ducts. I think Soldier is so dehydrated that he’s incapable of it. And rather than sweat he needs to cover himself in liquid-like food products or else he’ll die of heat stroke.”

Despite everything, that made Scout laugh, just a little. More of a hiccup than anything else.

“Admittedly, you have greater social needs than several of our team, and they need to take breaks. Not just from you, but from everyone. It’s part of being human, everyone requires some amount of time alone or else they start losing their minds. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you—value the things you do for this team, even. Every time someone would like company when going in to town for any reason, they always ask me where you are. And you’ve given good film recommendations to everyone except for the Sniper.”

“Guy hates movies,” Scout defended weakly.

“You keep recommending horror films. As it turns out, he is a fan of romantic comedies.”

“Fuckin’ what? Seriously?”

“I was shocked too. His complete lack of taste in all areas of his life continues to amaze me.”

Scout scoffed at that. A beat of silence.

“What I am saying is that the team doesn’t simply put up with you. You’re impossible to simply put up with, you take up too big a part of everyone’s life here. Instead, they must like and respect you.” A pause. “And your father must have truly been an idiot. Anyone with two eyes would be proud of the challenges you’ve faced and overcome with all of the disadvantages you’ve been dealt over your lifetime.”

Scout sniffled, wiped his eyes with his forearm, finally managed to look up at Spy. “Anyone with two eyes? You sayin’ you’re proud of me, then?” he asked, even if it was a little shaky.

“I feel no strong emotions,” Spy deadpanned.

“Alright, nevermind about earlier. That’s the most obvious lie you’ve ever told me.”

Spy rolled his eyes, standing, brushing off the knee of his suit.

Scout looked at the plate, made a face. “Aw man, what the fuck, is that asparagus? Is Medic back on trying to make us eat healthy again?”

“The Engineer cooked it, stop complaining and just eat it,” Spy said, quickly falling back into his role of naggy just on the near side of patronizing.

“C’mon, it couldn’t have been like, mashed potatoes or broccoli or somethin’?”

“You always douse those things in salt and butter. That combined with the energy drinks means you’re going to get a heart condition before I do.”

“Just get the fuck outta my room, Spy,” Scout huffed, putting the stuffed animal aside and moving to pick up the plate and utensils.

“Very well. And go talk to Demoman at some point, he’s been whining about nobody wanting to go get fast food with him for two days,” Spy said as he walked to the door. “And you can’t borrow my car to go.”

“Fuck you, Spy,” Scout said flippantly, waving him off.

“Fuck you too,” Spy said just as casually, and made sure to close the door behind him.

[mightydragoon]

Prince Luke fanfic Recs

@silvereddaye you know the drill

For all your Prince Luke Skywalker/ Amidala/Organa etc needs.  Also ft a lot of Leia Skywalker along with that. 

1. The Prince and the Bodyguard  Toomanyfandoms99

Bail is unsure why he’s being told this, but he is intrigued. “Where is the boy now?”

“Here,” Mon smiles, “on this base, being cared for by Shara Bey and Kes Dameron.”

Bail nods upon recognizing the names. Shara is their best pilot, and Kes is their best combat leader.

“However,” Mon states, “they cannot care for the boy full-time. There is something...unique about him. Something you are more equipped to handle.”

Bail narrows his eyes. “What?”

“Ezra Bridger is Force-sensitive,” Mon reveals.

Bail leans back in his chair and blinks once. “I see…”

“If your son is anything like his true parents,” Mon says, “he will soon require guidance. This boy also requires that guidance.”

“So,” Bail says, “you want me to shield them both from the Empire. Get them a...teacher.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22633573/chapters/54092221

2.First Impressions   Idhren15

Mara Jade attended the rich party on Coruscant for one purpose: to kidnap the Alderaan heir, Prince Luke Organa.

She didn't expect any of these complications.

 https://archiveofourown.org/works/22740592

3. Crowned Usurper  planningconquest

Princess Leia managed to capture the elusive rebel Jedi. She finds someone she never expected.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17663147/chapters/41657678

4.  The kidnappings of a Sith Lord  maedre13

How a certain Sith Lord may or may not kidnap his rebel son. One-shots. Strongly inspired by sparklight´s “Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn´t Get Away”.

Current chapter: In which the prince of the Sith gets a new bodyguard (3/3)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606992/chapters/23453241

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606992/chapters/52681459 (Part 1)

(Note* Fic is episodic often not connecting, sometimes is, so there is a good variety of stories, some involving Prince Luke others not) 

5. Sparks  SpellCleaver

Vader had every intention of ignoring that petty—if notorious—burglar on Coruscant, until evidence suggested that this "Angel" had Rebel ties.

Meanwhile, Luke never expected his father to actively hunt him down, and he doesn't like it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20031373/chapters/47433331

6. No Distance Far Enough   KaelinaLovesLomaris

Imperial Prince Luke Skywalker is kidnapped by the Rebellion. His father is not happy.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17549516

7. Hostage  Slx99

AU in which Luke grows up as the Prince of Alderaan and Bail and Breha Organa’s son. When Luke is sixteen Bail becomes too outspoken against the Emperor, who sends Lord Vader to take the young prince as a hostage and cow his father into submission. Held captive aboard Vader’s ship, Luke is faced with the unpleasant reality of being the pawn in this power play under his captor’s watchful eyes; until they both realize a thing or two…

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9707774/chapters/21902741

8. Hostage Interludes  Slx99

Interlude pieces of the ‘Hostage’ universe from my ongoing long-fic that don't fit into the main story, but which I still wanted to share. Some will be more fun, others more serious. They have no influence on the main story.

Basic premise of the main story: Luke grew up with Bail and Breha Organa as the Prince of Alderaan. When Bail becomes too outspoken against Palpatine he orders Vader to take the young prince as a Hostage. Luke now lives aboard the Executor. He finds out rather soon that Vader is his father and the story goes from there.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15148811/chapters/35129507

9.  Hostage

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1063433

10. Runaway   SilverDaye

Imperial Prince Luke runs away from home to escape his overprotective father Emperor Vader. Jumping from planet to planet he finds himself creditless on Tatooine. While working for more money to leave the planet, Luke meets an old man named Ben Kenobi. But Luke knows he can't stay in one place for long for surely his father is hunting him down.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14630196/chapters/33813027

11.A Song of Dragon's Fire & Slaves Blood   Fan0fFIM17

A Slave is finally truly made Free.

Lost in a strange primitive Land, he takes advantage of his circumstances to rise to the position of King. A Slave, a Jedi Knight, a Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker, Father, Son, all this and more. Read as he Fights for the Iron-Throne!

Winter Is Coming!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15400920/chapters/35743227

12. My sister has it    jedileia (cptnwintersoldier)

"You want me to fight my dad? Kill him? How could you think I would be capable on any of that, after what I just heard? Have I been training just so I could kill my father? Is that what this Jedi training was about? If so then i deeply regret the evening I went to look for parts for my speeder and ended up at Obi-Wan's yard."

Leia, a farm girl from Tatoiine, learns that she is force sensitive and the daughter of the evil Darth Vader, once known as Anakin Skywalker. She begins her Jedi training, meets her twin brother Luke Organa and confronts his father.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537682/chapters/14957098

13. what is lost in the darkness.....hanorganaas

Starkiller is destroyed, the great Jedi Hero who saved the Galaxy Leia Skywalker Solo and her husband Han are presumed dead, and Luke mourns. But he isn't alone in his grief

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668604

14. our eyes; they were pointed at the sky (looking for answers) pieandsouffle

The last few weeks have been a nightmare: Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are dead and gone, the farm is skeletal and dead, she found out her father was a Jedi, brutally murdered by a traitorous friend, and now she's going to die because Han Solo is an incompetent nerf-herder who is apparently completely incapable of opening a krething door.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11159772/chapters/24904917

15.  Possibilities of If May Be - Valerie_Vancollie

Co-authored by Selinthia Avenchesca.

What if two different Star Wars realities started to merge?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12946578

16.  Skywalker Swap -  stitchy

https://archiveofourown.org/series/930435

(Note Series is a mixture of a fancomic and a fanfic and it is glorious) 

17. There Is Another  stitchy

A comicbook retelling of Episode IV in the spirit of the old Star Wars Infinities!

Luke and Leia are placed in opposite homes after the fall of the Republic. Young Leia Skywalker is called to adventure when she meets two droids that belong to the strange witch, Old Kah.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10597686/chapters/23428284

(Note* Seriously this comic retelling is fantastic ) 

18 Here Among The Clouds   stitchy

In a universe where Leia Skywalker joins the Rebel Alliance of her long lost brother Prince Luke Organa, the Millenium Falcon and her crew arrive to Cloud City with a fully functioning hyperdrive. In the weeks following the Battle of Hoth, Lando Calrissian becomes entangled in their their quest to defeat the evil Empire. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13507038

19. A Farm girl, a Twink, and an Uber driver-  Daniellecluck

This is literally just a collection of drabbles of a New Hope rescue scene various original trilogy scenes but gayer and Luke and Leia swapped places.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13345347/chapters/30553272

20. The Adventures of Leia Skywalker, Episode One: The New Hope   MaraWinchester

Nineteen-year-old Leia Skywalker lives with her Aunt and Uncle on the remote desert planet Tatooine, where there’s something ready to kill you behind every corner. Three moons make the nights bitterly cold, and the two suns makes the days unbearably hot. When a droid bought by her uncle contains a message by a prince, asking for help from a legendary Jedi Knight, Leia senses her ticket off world. Little does she know that her journey will take her right and center to a galaxy torn apart by war, involve smugglers of ill repute, and possibly shed more information on her father that she could possibly imagine...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8122483/chapters/18619693

21.  Another Kind of Hope  Skyrissian (ErinacchiLove)

In a period of a galactic civil war, the brave Rebel Alliance has won their first victory against the Galactic Empire and stolen the plans of the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star.

When the starship of Prince Luke Organa, who is transporting the plans, falls under the Empire's attack, the future of the galaxy depends on two droids carrying the secret plans and their new owner, a farm girl named Leia Skywalker.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18705637

22 The Princess, the Smuggler and the Sith Lord's Son  Sassaphrass

Han Solo was trying to rescue her Royal Annoyingness from the Death Star when he runs smack into Vader's kid. Naturally he does the logical thing and takes him hostage. This is where the story starts. OR

Luke just wanted to get some snacks when he ran into a Wookie, a Princess and a Space Pirate. The day's pretty much downhill from there.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5751661/chapters/13252696

23. At Least the War is Over  Sassaphrass

The only thing Luke and Leia have in common are those nine months they spent in the womb and that time they brought down the Empire.

It's hard to build a new family when the last one got blown to smithereens with the entire planet, but Leia's never thought anything worthwhile would be easy.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12663834

24. His Imperial Highness Luke Amidala -  Sassaphrass 

https://archiveofourown.org/series/744999

25.  Chiaroscuro  SpellCleaver

A series of oneshots focusing on Luke and Vader's relationship, with other characters occasionally thrown into the mix. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363772/chapters/38293637

26. Prince Luke Organa: A New Hope   -lightningbisexual

An AU where Leia was sent to Tatooine with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru and Luke was sent to Alderaan as the prince. It begins from where Luke is captured by the Empire in A New Hope. I follow more his story than Leia's because we all know she's going to be a badass on her own and I really want to see Luke grow up and learn to face his fears.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19024390/chapters/45181531

(Note* see sequel below Leia centric) 

27.  Leia Skywalker: The Empire Strikes Back  lightningbisexual

A continuation of my twin swap fic. Leia Skywalker is being sought by the Dark Side and the Light, who both hope to use her power for their own agendas. However, her ferocity and anger make it difficult for her to train as a Jedi. Han Solo is also developing feelings for Prince Luke Organa and has no goddamn clue how to deal with it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20533487/chapters/48737117

28. Between the Light and Shadows: Luke & Vader One-Shots  SilverDaye

One-shot collection focused on Luke and Vader. All AU.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128117/chapters/48583628

29. How the Other Half Lives -aradian_nights

(Note* How can I talk about Prince Luke fics without mentioning them cause WOW. 10/10.  I  highly recommend even if you aren’t a fan of the Prince Luke trope cause wow. It is something.  Warning: Angst . )

https://archiveofourown.org/series/609151. 

Trial and Error - https://archiveofourown.org/works/8417668

Layers of Dust  -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/8900971

For Love of a Queen - https://archiveofourown.org/works/9342596/chapters/21167591

Deep Doubt-  https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361913

Vision Void-  https://archiveofourown.org/works/10628475/chapters/23511120

Fate Defied- https://archiveofourown.org/works/10947714

When Destinies Split -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11017986/chapters/24552093

Risk and Chance - https://archiveofourown.org/works/11506092/chapters/25817655

A Shout in the  Dark -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699232/chapters/26341971

Walking the Line Between - https://archiveofourown.org/works/13172817/chapters/30129249

AO3 Tag

https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Prince%20Luke/works

[underthewingsofthblackeagle]

“Berliner Fernsehturm” * Foto: BernardoUPloud

After her marriage with Frank Randall has failed and Claire Beauchamp flees from her violent husband, she finds refuge in the house of the Fraser/Murray family in Berlin-Wilhelmshorst. But then tensions arise between Britain (which has since left the EU) and some EU member states. All holders of an English passport are required to leave EU territory within six weeks … and suddenly Claire’s fate looks more uncertain than ever.

This story was written for the #14DaysofOutlander event, hosted by @scotsmanandsassenach​

Chapter 5: 14 Seconds (3)

         They had stayed like that for a while - Jamie kneeling in front of Claire, one arm around her and Claire, crying while clutching that arm. When they had separated, Jamie had stood up. He had stepped up to the minibar hidden behind a small cupboard door. There he had emptied four small whisky bottles into two glasses and handed one of these glasses to Claire.          At the end of that evening they did not speak much to each other. Claire asked at some point if he could lend her a T-shirt. Since all his T-shirts were sweaty from sports, he gave her one of the shirts that the room service had brought back from the cleaners that morning. She disappeared into the bathroom with it.          Meanwhile, Jamie sat down at the small desk next to the sofa that had been folded out to form a bed and opened his laptop. Then Etienne Marcel de Provac Alexandre began writing an email to the management of "In Vino Veritas" ordering a bottle of champagne for a friend's wedding and asking that the Magnum bottle be delivered as soon as he returned. Jamie knew that there would be someone sitting in the basement of the In Vino Veritas office building who would understand this "order" perfectly.          The "special office" (as they called it), which was hidden behind an easily movable wall of shelves full of exquisite wine bottles, was manned 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Between four and ten "employees" of the wine shop took care of the very special "orders" that arrived there from time to time from all over the world.          Jamie also knew that people in the cellar of "In Vino Veritas" would not be happy about this "order". But there was no question that they would do anything to fulfill his "wish".

“Weinkeller” by designermikele

         After he had pressed "Send", Jamie stretched his arms and legs. Then he considered whether he should let Claire in on his plans that very night, but decided to let her sleep for now.

          Shortly afterwards, Claire came out of the bathroom. Out of the corner of his right eye, Jamie saw that she was wearing the big white hotel robe. She disappeared immediately behind the bamboo screen.

         "The bathroom is free now," she shouted.

         "Thank you, I'll be going now," he returned. Then he took his pyjamas out of his suitcase and went to the bathroom.

         When Jamie came back a quarter of an hour later, also wrapped in a hotel bathrobe, there was still a light burning behind the bamboo screen. He lowered himself onto the sofa bed and thought for a moment. Then he turned out the light.

         "Good night, Claire."

         "Good night, Etienne."

         Now the light behind the screen went out.

         Jamie wondered if Claire would be able to sleep that night. He hoped so. Whether he would sleep at all was doubtful to him. Again and again he played out in his mind the plan he had already made during dinner. He was not sure if Claire would accept his suggestion. But he had to try, at least.

         At 5.20 am, Jamie was awakened by the pressure of his bladder. He turned off his smartphone alarm clock, which would ring ten minutes later. Then he went quietly into the bathroom. When he returned, he had put on his sports clothes. He quickly wrote a short message for Claire on a Post-It sticker he put on the bathroom door. Then he  quietly left the room. 

         At 6.40 am Jamie returned from the gym. Carefully he opened the door of the hotel room. But everything inside was still dark. He stopped for a moment and listened. From the area behind the bamboo paravent a slight snoring could be heard. Jamie had to smile. He took his clothes, removed the Post-It sticker from the bathroom door and went inside.

         When he came back into the room just after 7:00 am., Claire was sitting in one of the chairs. She had both legs hanging over the armrest and was drinking in bulk from a water bottle that Jamie had taken from the mini-bar the night before and put on the table. When she had put the bottle down, she yawned heartily and stretched her arms away from her. Only now did she notice Jamie. She flinched briefly and pulled her legs from the armrest.

         "Oh! Excuse me!"

         Jamie smiled. 

         "There's no need to apologize. Good morning, Claire. Did you get … some  … sleep?"

         She looked at him and for the first time since he'd met her, a radiant smile went over her face. 

         "I didn't actually think I could sleep," she said, "but I must have fallen asleep at some point, When I woke up, I heard the shower and I was extremely thirsty."

         "I'm glad you did. Are you, uh ... hungry too?"

         "Not at the moment, but after a shower I could certainly use a strong coffee and something to eat."

         "Good. I'll call the room service.”

         "Thank you.”

         “You're welcome.”

         She got up and went past him into the bathroom. Jamie had to force himself not to look at her. Why should such a beautiful woman apologize for her stunning legs, he thought, grinning like a honey cake man. Then he felt the blush shoot into his face. He picked up the receiver of the room telephone and ordered breakfast.

“Frühstück” by contatoartpix 

         It took Claire almost forty minutes in the bathroom and that could only be right for Jamie. When she came back, he had cleaned up a bit and packed his suitcase. Then the room service rang and brought breakfast. After Claire spread the food out on the small table and Jamie poured coffee into their cups, they started eating in silence. Jamie waited until Claire had had her first cup of coffee. As she finished her first croissant and turned to the scrambled eggs, he thought the time had come to let her in on his plan.

         "Have you thought about," he asked cautiously, "what are you going to do now?"

         Claire didn't answer, but Jamie saw her face darken slightly. He knew that this question had thrown her back into the very reality she so eagerly wanted to escape from. But he could not spare her that now. She took a deep breath, then she said:

         "No, I haven't done that yet."

         "Do you have any obligations?"

         "What do you mean?"

         "Well, professional, maybe? A job where they are waiting for you?"

         "No, I don't."

         Again she was silent and Jamie decided not to pursue this topic further because Claire seemed uncomfortable with it.

         "Are there any friends that you could stay with for a while?"

         Jamie knew that question was dangerous. Claire could say ‘yes’ and then turning down the offer he wanted to make. Still, he chose to ask about it. He wanted to avoid any appearance that he was pushing her on anything. 

         But his concern was unfounded. Claire looked down.

         "No, my best friend ... married an Australian doctor six months ago who's gone back to his home country. She ... now lives in Canberra. And ... another friend of mine ... flew to the Congo last week - with his wife. They're doctors, and ..."

         "The Democratic Republic of Congo? The recent Ebola outbreak?"

         "Yes, they're helping the local doctors ..."

         "I see. And there's no one else?"

         "Well, there are people I know, but I wouldn't confide in.”

         Jamie nodded. 

         "Claire, if you have no work commitments here and no friends to stay with, I have a suggestion ..."

         "What kind of suggestion?"

         "Well, how about a vacation?"

         Claire had to laugh out loud.

         "A vacation?" she asked incredulously.

         "Yes. What would you say if I invited you on a holiday to Germany? I know this is going to sound crazy to you. but it really wouldn't be a problem. My family has a big house, you'd have your own big room with a bathroom. My sister would take care of everything. There are forests and lakes nearby ... very close. You could see Berlin, Potsdam, Dresden ... if you like. Maybe together with my sister and the children. Whatever you like ... In any case, you could keep your distance from the ... situation here and ... you could decide what you want to do in the future on your own time."

“Schloss Rheinsberg” by 70650

         He was silent. Even Claire could not utter a word out of astonishment.

         "But how can this ...?"

         "Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it. I just need to know if you want me to. And I assure you, if you don't like it in Berlin, I will get you a ticket back here. You don't have to worry about that or the cost.”

         "But ...”

         "No buts. Yes or no?"

         Claire couldn't believe it. Was this a dream or reality? Last night she had asked him how far Berlin was from here. 6,000 kilometres he said. What a distance. 6,000 kilometers between her and the monster who still called himself her "husband" ...

         "Do you ... honestly mean that?"

         "Yes, Claire. And I have no ulterior motives. If it makes you feel any better, I have to work during the week and so I'm usually not home. So during the day, you'll be dealing mostly with my sister, the kids and staff. And that's only if you want it. You are completely free to do whatever you want."

         Again her mind was spinning. Could she really trust this man. He had not approached her that night. But would he maintain this restraint if she flew with him to another, a foreign country? But maybe he really only wanted to help her? 

         "You ... said you were flying back to Berlin tonight ... “

         "Yes, that's true, but if we hurry, I can still fix all this. Will you come with me?"

         Did she have a choice? Did she have an alternative? Traveling, discovering another country, meeting new people. All that had determined her childhood and youth, the time she had spent at the side of her beloved uncle Lamberth. And how much she had missed it all. While she thought of uncle Lamb, a verse from a children's opera she had attended with him more than two decades ago suddenly flashed through her mind. It was the well-known last verse from Humperdinck's 'Hansel and Gretel' - 'When adversity rises to its highest, the Lord God puts out His hand to us!’ Without noticing it, Claire hummed the melody softly to herself.

         Jamie, still waiting for an answer, looked at her in wonder.

         "Claire? Yes or no?"

         "Yes," she replied, and her voice had regained a firmness that had been one of her defining characteristics long after she had finished medical school.

         "Yes," she said again, adding, "I'm coming with you to Berlin."

         Jamie's heart was beating faster. Until now he had hardly dared to hope that she would accept his suggestion. And yet it had happened. 

         "All right, I'll make the arrangements. Do you have your passport with you?" 

         "Sure, in my handbag. But don't I need a visa?"

         "Yes. I'll arrange it. You don't have to worry about that.”

         Jamie had got up and went to his laptop, which was still on his desk. The night before, he'd prepared an email for this case. Now he sent it. In this new mail, Etienne Marcel de Provac Alexandre asked that the bottle of champagne he had ordered be accompanied by a greeting card.

         After that was done, Jamie sat down at the table with Claire again.

“British Passport” by Gustave.iii - via WikimediaCommons 

         "Claire, is it far to ... your apartment and will ... your ... husband ... be home?"

         "No, it's not far, maybe 25, 30 minutes by car. I suppose that ... Frank will be at the university by this afternoon ..."

         "Okay, then please write your address on this piece of paper and give me your passport."

         She did what he asked. 

         "Thank you. Eat some more. We'll have to leave soon to get your things. I don't know if we'll have time to have lunch."

         She nodded. 

         About half an hour later there was a knock at the door and a voice called out:

         "Room service."

         Claire looked at Jamie in amazement, but he just nodded. He put her passport and the note with her address on a plate and spread a napkin over it. Then he went to the door. Claire looked after him and watched as he handed the plate to a waiter. When Jamie returned to the room, he saw her amazed look.

         "Please don't worry. Trust me. I'll explain everything to you ater."

         Claire gave a slight sigh.

         "I guess that's the price I have to pay for this adventure," she said, and put cheese on another croissant before wrapping it in a paper napkin and putting it in her handbag.

         An hour later, after Jamie had checked out and paid her bills, they were back in the hotel limousine and had Carl drive them to Claire's address.

“Boston” by thefastandthefanagle          Once there, Claire carefully opened the front door with her key. To her great relief, Frank was nowhere to be seen. Jamie heard Claire exhale freely. He looked around and a chill ran through him. Everything he saw was old, but not in any antique sense. Jamie had a thing for tasteful, antique furniture. But the decor did not have the taste or warmth of an old place. It almost seemed as if it had been furnished in a pragmatic way in the 50's and then forgotten until now. Everything here seemed purely functional, impersonal and cold. It was a furnished apartment, but definitely not a home.

         "Claire, we have to hurry. Where are your things?"

         She pointed up and he followed her up the stairs. When she reached the first floor, she stopped in front of a door for a moment. Then she pushed it open and went inside. Jamie, who followed her, saw that it must be the Randalls' bedroom. But there was no marriage bed. There were two single beds on the right and left side of the room. To his surprise, the sheets were scattered all over the beds. And … there were bloodstains on one sheet. He did not dare to imagine at that moment what had happened here. Now it was time to keep a clear mind, use the time and then get Claire safely out of this danger zone. Afterwards there was still enough time to let his anger about these things run free. When he was back home in Wilhelmshorst, he could maltreat the sandbag in his fitness room with his fists for as long as he wanted. But now ... Then he noticed how Claire had put some suitcases on one of the beds and was now busy packing clothes into them.

         "Claire, when you've packed all your clothes, please pack everything else that you care about. Documents, books, whatever belongs to you."

         She just nodded and put more things in the suitcases. When she had filled three large suitcases, the wardrobe was empty. Jamie carried the suitcases down the stairs and put them down near the front door. When he returned to Claire, she had another smaller suitcase and a backpack filled with documents and other things.

         "Is that all?"

         "That's all I can take with me in suitcases."

         "Is there anything else that belongs to you and that we should keep safe?"

“Box” by bluebudgie

         "There are several boxes in the cellar with things my uncle Lamberth left me, but we'll hardly be able to take them on the plane."

         "Don't worry. We'll get them on another way to Berlin. I'll take care of that."

         Slowly they went down the stairs. But before they got to the last step, they heard someone unlock the front door and enter the house. Jamie saw him first. An obviously drunk Frank Randall staggered towards him and, seeing the strange man, began to scream:

         "What are you doing in my house?"

         A tremendous rush of adrenaline shot through Jamie's body, followed by a rush of rage. He could barely contain himself. He knew it couldn't be. The man he now faced could not be the demon he had fought with years ago in a prison cellar in Edinburgh and to whom he owed scars that would remind him all his life of the time he spent in that dark vault. Jamie's mind told him that Jack Randall, better known as  'Black Jack', was dead. But Frank Randall looked so much like him and it cost James Fraser all the strength he could muster at that moment or he would have forgotten himself.

         But then Frank Randall noticed Claire next to Jamie.

         "You slut, you whore! I knew it! I kneeew it! You're whooooring around with a muscleman, but you're not gonna let meeee have a little funnn with women who are nicer than you everrrrrrrr were. You frigid, cold bitch, you ..."

         He had raised his right arm and was now trying to punch Claire. But before she could duck, Jamie had grabbed Frank's arm and turned it onto his back. The drunk cried out in pain. Jamie let go of him and gave him a gentle nudge. Frank landed, face down, lengthwise on a yellowish sofa. A light cloud of dust rose above him. Claire looked at Jamie in shock.

         "Is he...?"

         "No," he assured her, "he's not dead. He's just dead drunk and will sleep it off in the next few hours. Before we leave, I'll turn him over."

         Suddenly the front doorbell rang.

         Claire looked at him again.

         "Open the front door, Claire. The men will get your bags."

         "The men?"

         "I'll explain later. Go and open. Now, Claire! I'll keep ... an eye on Frank."

         She had a million questions, but Claire decided to just go for it. When she opened the front door, there were five men in overalls that looked like they'd come from a moving company.

         "Mrs Randall's suitcases?" asked a tall man who reminded her of an actor from and who was obviously the boss of this group. 

         "Here you go."

         Claire pointed to the suitcases and two other muscular men stepped in, took the suitcases and carried them to a black van with "New Castle Movers" written on it. 

         "Is there anything else that needs transporting?" asked the boss of the troupe.

         "Yes, down in the basement. I'll show you."

         The man waved at the remaining two men and together they followed Claire into the basement.

“Bellhops loading a truck“ by Bellhopsmarketing - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=75018108

         Thirty minutes later, the men had loaded Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp Randall's entire belongings into the black van belonging to the “New Castle Movers” company. The boss of the troupe had briefly exchanged a few words with Etienne Marcel de Provac Alexandre, then they drove off. Claire would have loved to know who these men were and what they would do with her belongings. But then Frank started to stir again. Jamie turned the drunk man, who was mumbling incomprehensible things, onto his back. He tried to stand up and talked to Jamie. But he just looked at him and Frank sank back into the cushions of the sofa. Shortly afterwards he started snoring loudly. Claire could only shake her head. This nightmare had to end. She wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

         "Who were those men, Etienne? And what happens to my things?"

         "They are friends of a friend. Your things will be on their way to Berlin in a few hours ... on a cargo plane. They'll probably arrive a day or two after we do. Don't worry, my company will take care of it. Have you got everything now?"

         Claire nodded.

         "Good, then we'll go to the airport now."

         He took her small case and the backpack and went to the door. Claire followed him. She was tempted to look back. But she did not. It had to end. It would end right here, right now. She pulled the front door behind her into lock. Then she pulled the front door key from her key ring and pushed it under the pot with the little buxus that stood on the top step of the stairs to the entrance. Jamie, who had stowed the hand luggage in the trunk, held the door of the car open for her. She got in and he took a seat next to her.

         "To the airport, Mr. Alexandre?" asked the uniformed driver.

         "Yes, Carl, straight to the airport."

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is part two of our mpreg Louis fic rec list. The first part of this rec list was done a while ago and can be found here. Happy reading!

1) Always Coming Back To You | Explicit | 4749 words

Harry's been missing Louis for eight days, and eight days without his Omega feels like decades in his pre-rut state.

Louis happens to come back to him earlier than planned.

2) Through The Storm | Mature | 6497 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Harry and Louis' marriage has hit a rough patch. A much needed week vacation in Jamaica just may be the second chance their relationship needs. What could possibly go wrong?

The answer?

Everything.

3) You Can Show Me Your Heart | Explicit | 6935 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Everyone knows about the unsinkable Titanic, which tragically did just that in April of 1912. However, not many people know the story of the Carpathia - the ship that raced to rescue and aid the survivors of the Titanic when the distress call came through. This is the story of the events leading up to the luxury liner crashing into an iceberg on that fateful spring night. More than that, this is the story of how two of Carpathia’s passengers - Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson - met, fell in love and helped over 700 people in the cold Atlantic water.

4) Cooking with Styles | Explicit | 9119 words

Anyone can cook— or so they say.

5) Something To Prove | Explicit | 9425 words

Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

6) We Will Get Through This | Explicit | 11219 words

Because of quarantine, Louis has to stay home with his roommate, Harry, who he's never really hung out with before. He's a sweet alpha who seems to really care and that annoys the hell out of Louis. But as he gets to know the alpha, he realizes it might not be dislike that he's feeling.

7) Easily | Explicit | 13588 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Years later, Harry and Louis are as strong as ever and more than ready to take the next step in the story of their lives. It gets a little weird, a little confusing, but at the end of the day, it is as easy as can be.

8) Baby Honey | Explicit | 14744 words

Note: The pairing in this fic is Alex/Louis.

When the next great war strikes, all alphas have to ship out. Alex leaves a little more behind than some of the others.

9) The Post-War BP | Explicit | 17732 words

The eight year war has left the country's birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha's child in exchange for benefits.  Louis' family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads.  Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn't recognize when he returns home.  The government made the bed but it's Harry that has to lie in it.

10) Souls; Plural, Parallel | Teen & Up | 19679 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Soulmates are rare, the sort of rare that means everyone has a story about a friend's sister's coworker or a brother's roommate's cousin. But the fact of the matter is that most people never meet theirs. It's unfortunate then, that Louis finds out the hard way that he met his soulmate in a club, and the guy never texted him back.

11) Be Mine, Dear | Not Rated | 20104 words

It really wasn’t fair. He was the oldest of all of them. He’s the one who dreamed about being bonded his whole life, while Liam laughed at the idea, until he met Sophia. Niall had always been indifferent, but when he met Heather six months ago, everything changed for him. He quickly went from being the only omega around two alpha’s, to the odd omega out. And it really wasn’t fair, because Liam and Niall both still protected him just as much as the did before, just as much they do their new mates now, but he was still bitter about it, so he’d pity himself as much as he wanted.

12) Oops, Baby, I Love You (In That Order) | Explicit | 25344 words

The minute Louis Tomlinson decides he don’t need no man to start a family, Harry Styles literally falls into his arms.

13) I’m Having Your Baby (It's None of Your Business) | Mature | 26383 words

A bet can cost you a lot. Harry learns this in the weirdest of ways.

Louis just wanted a baby, and he got so much more.

14) The Things I'd Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36109 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

15) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

16) You Put the Sun in Sunday | Mature | 42319 words

Louis is a love-brainwashed-teenager of hope drenched in dreams, clad in oversized clothes damaged with holes, and standing waist-high in novels. Harry is a selfish closeted football captain with a head too big for his heart, and a bad habit of not thinking before he opens his mouth. No one ever said love was easy, Louis learned the hard way.

17) Flash Forward (We’re Taking On The World Together) | Explicit | 44273 words

In which Omega Louis and Alpha Harry are absolutely perfect for each other and say I love you too much.

18) Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is A Brand New Start | Mature |  62859 words

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

19) Such Good Luck | Explicit | 66205 words

An Edwardian AU where Harry is a young aristocratic lord and Louis is a working class dairy farmer. Secrets are a necessary part of their relationship, but Louis has one that could topple their whole world.

20) Things I Can't | Not Rated | 67495 words

Louis has a plan for his life. He’s going to be the first in his family to finish college. He’s going to be a doctor - the best damn doctor in the country. And he’s going to work his ass off to make sure his younger siblings never have to wonder whether they have the means to pursue their dreams.

He doesn’t have space in his plan for a relationship with an effortlessly alluring musician, and certainly not for the child that unexpectedly results from that union. Louis is at a crossroads he never thought to plan for, and now he must make a decision: between what he wants now, and what he wants most.

21) I’m Still Learning To Love | General Audiences | 74695 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

An AU where Harry has almost everything in the world except for the will to move on.

22) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

23) Fucking Animals | Explicit | 116688 words

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don’t necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she’s just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

24) Be My Omega | Mature | 138372 words

It all started when the alpha laid eyes on the short curvy omega and he knew at that moment that his life would never be the same, in a good way of course.

25) Cold Little Heart | Teen & Up | 194600 words

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child. A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something -odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham. Louis really could use the help.

26) Love Me Until The End | Mature | 207130 words

AU where Louis, an Omega, is the head nurse of the hospital in charge of running the nursing staff. Harry, an Alpha, is a highly respected surgeon working at the same hospital. They also happen to fall in love.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[all-the-love-harold]

Chapter 2 - I’m Having your Baby

Master Post 

Word Count:  3.6k 

Warnings: None

***

December 21st 2019

Poppy was late. 3 days late. Or maybe it was 4. She couldn’t quite remember, but she knew that she was late. She also knew that she was stressed with Christmas coming up, and that when she got stressed her period tended to stay away for a while, so she wasn’t getting her hopes up. Nonetheless, when she was out getting herself and Harry a coffee she ducked into the pharmacy nearby and bought a few home pregnancy tests, just to be sure. She was in no rush to take them though and if she was honest, she didn’t really have a spare second to think about it once she got home. Between making sure Oli got his lunch and preparing things for his 2nd birthday party which they were crazy enough to be having just three days before Christmas. Oh and did she mention that her and Harry were hosting Christmas lunch this year for his family AND hers. 

The pregnancy test crossed her mind again when she was giving Oli his bath that night and Oli picked up his doll that they kept as a bath toy. 

“Bubba” he said, dunking it’s head in the water “wash hair bubba” 

Poppy couldn’t help but giggle “You’re gonna a great big brother buddy.”

She was glad that he was too young to really understand what that meant, if he was any older she’d be getting a thousand questions about a baby she doesn’t even know that she had yet. 

“Pop, I’m going to pick up your family from the airport now” Harry called from downstairs “Need anything while I’m out?” 

“No, we’re all good H, good luck” Poppy called back “Love you” 

“Love you too” he said and she heard the door shut behind him. 

“Alright Ol, let’s hop out now, get you dressed” 

“Love you Mum” he smiled up at her as she helped him to stand up and wrapped his tiny toddler towel around him. Her heart melted and she placed a gentle kiss on his head. 

“I love you too Oli.” 

She helped him to get dressed into his pyjamas, encouraged him to use the toilet (he wasn’t quite ready to be out of nappies yet, but he was getting close) and brushed his hair so that he was all ready for bed. Since dropping his afternoon nap, it had been much easier to get him to sleep at night, which Harry and Poppy were both pleased about. 

“Right” Poppy said to Oli once he was all tucked up in bed “Have you got Itchy?” 

He nodded holding on tightly to his toy. 

“And Pippy?” she asked and he pulled his dummy out of his mouth, showed it to her and put it back

“And a big kiss from mummy” she kissed his forehead and pulled the side of the cot up so that he couldn’t perform some kind of gymnastics and escape from his bed in the middle of the night. 

“Sleep tight my big boy” 

“Night night Mum” he said as Poppy closed the door to his bedroom. 

She went straight to the bathroom and pulled out the pregnancy test, feeling more broody than ever knowing that her first baby turns two tomorrow. She remembered what it had been like taking the test when she thought she was having Oli, she was scared then because she wasn’t sure that she was ready to be a mum and now she was scared because she wasn’t sure she could face not becoming a mum again. Her heart pounded as she waited for the results to show. 3 minutes had never felt so long. 

“Poppy, dear - we’re here” she heard the sound of her mother’s voice walking in the front door. 

“Shit” she whispered to herself as she left the bathroom, making sure to close the door behind her. She made a mental note to come back to it as soon as she could but she couldn’t leave her family waiting, not after they’d been on a twenty four hour flight. 

“Hi Mum, Hi Dad” she said, half running down the stairs to give them a hug “Good flight?” 

“Awful” her dad, John, shook his head “Can’t smoke on planes these days, did you know that?” he began pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket 

“Can’t smoke in my house either Dad” Poppy said sternly “Follow the stairs all the way up and you’ll find a garden and be quiet, Oli’s just gone to bed”

“It’s freezing out there Pop” he huffed but started climbing the stairs anyway.

“Don’t I get a hello?” Her sister Addison said from next to Harry. 

“Of course you do” Poppy side stepped her mum and wrapped her sister in the biggest hug of them all  “God you’re getting so adult, can you stop please?” 

“I’m as old as you were when you moved here” Addie added “And I still live with mum dad” 

“It’s much cheaper that way” Poppy smiled 

“Yeah, you spent so much money in that first year didn’t you love” Harry said sarcastically 

“Enough outta you” Poppy squeezed his cheek making him giggle. 

“Can I get anyone tea or coffee or anything?”  Harry asked trying to get them all out of the entryway

“I’d love to see my grandson” Linda said, turning towards the stairs 

“I’ve just put him to bed Mum, you’ll see him in the morning, he’ll be up bright and early” 

“Right, well in that case, I’d love a glass of wine” she smiled at Harry. 

“Of course” Harry nodded tentatively, not entirely sure he had any wine to give her “Addie, wine? Tea?” 

Addie shook her head “No thanks Harry” 

“Vodka?” he asked

“I’m fine” she giggled, although a shot or two of vodka was temping after being on a plane with her parents for 24 hours. 

“I’ll show you both around while Harry does that” Poppy added and started going upstairs. Linda and Addie followed, with their bags still in their hands. 

“Leave those” Poppy said “Your rooms are downstairs anyway”

They dropped the bags and followed Poppy. A grimace already evident on Linda’s face 

“So this is mine and Harry’s room” she said when they got upstairs pointing to their bedroom door “It’s a mess so we won’t go in there” 

“Never have been able to keep your room clean have you Poppy” Linda added, peering in anyway 

“It’s so nice to have you here Mum” Poppy said, unable to hold her tongue. “And that room there is Oli’s so let’s be a little quiet”

“Is he a good sleeper” Addie asked. She knew a lot about babies, she worked in a nursery back home, very similar to the one Oli goes to. 

“He’s been much better since we stopped the day sleep” 

“His teachers must hate that” she laughed 

“They don’t seem to mind” Poppy shrugged and continued the tour down the hallway towards the next staircase

“This is where Harry’s mum sleeps when she stays, so we’re keeping that for her and you guys will all be downstairs 

“How many bedrooms is this place?” Linda asked, looking up the staircase

“6 or 7” Poppy said “That’s Harry’s office up there and there’s a studio downstairs, but he never uses it” 

“I accidentally told him I loved the album like 6 times on the way here” Addie giggled “he probably thinks I’m weirdly into him”

“He wouldn’t think that much of it Addie” Poppy smiled “Shall we go downstairs?” 

“Shouldn’t we go up?” Linda asked 

“We can” Poppy nodded “There’s not much to see up there though, it’s just a desk and the garden which I’ll show you in the morning” 

“Oh alright” Linda sighed and turned around on her heel with a huff in her breath . Poppy was starting to remember exactly why she’s decided to move to the other side of the world at just 18. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her mother, she just found her selfishness intolerable. 

“Not giving a tour without me are you Pop?” John bellowed as he walked down the stairs, lips blue from the cold. 

“There’s not much to see dear, just a few oversized bedrooms” Linda drew her lips into a sharp line “That haven’t been cleaned. You know with Harry’s salary you could afford a cleaner”

Poppy and Addie shared a knowing look and Addie turned away from her parents and walked down the hallway towards the stairs. 

“I’m going to find that vodka Harry mentioned” she called, waving her hand for them to follow. And they did, without saying a word. Poppy had always admired how easily Addie could read people and turn a situation around in seconds without offending anyone and she smiled to herself because that hadn’t changed. 

In the Kitchen, Harry had two glasses of red wine sitting on the bench waiting for them and he had his head stuck in the fridge searching for something that seemed to be buried in the depths. 

“What are you looking for H?” Poppy said as she made herself comfortable on one of the bar stools. 

“All that cheese we bought the other day,” he said, head still in the fridge “and the dip”

“That’s in the butler’s fridge” she said quietly, suddenly realising that somehow she was living a life very different from the she left behind. 

“You have a butler?” Addie said, shocked “and he has his own fridge?” 

“No” Poppy laughed “there’s a mini kitchen in that little room over there” she pointed to the door that harry was opening “they call it a butler’s pantry, so we call the fridge the butlers fridge” 

“Oh Harry you’ll have to get me something else, I don’t drink red wine” Linda said before Addie had the chance to respond to Poppy. 

Harry, who was safley hidden away in the butlers pantry rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. If this was how he felt after an hour with Poppy’s family, how was he going to spend a whole two weeks with them. He did, however, take comfort in knowing that Poppy was feeling the same way. 

“I want to tip the wine over her head” Poppy whispered walking into the pantry with the glass in her hand. Harry took the glass, put it on the bench next to him and wrapped his arms around Poppy. 

“We could probably survive off the food in here for the next two weeks if you want to lock the door?” he whispered back

“Believe me, if I could I would” Poppy said with her head still pressed against his chest. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and pulled away from the hug. 

“Guess I’ll go pull some white wine out of my ass then” he said, only half joking. 

“There’s some in the bar fridge in your man cave, I think sarah left it here” she called after him as he walked out again. 

The rest of the evening passed by slowly, Addie, John and Linda filled Poppy and Harry in on what was going on back in Australia, it was nothing to really write home about, just the usual kinds of things that happen in a tiny coastal town, known for being home to quite a few Great White Sharks, that somehow never made an appearance on the beaches. Poppy was not at all surprised by her Mother’s lack of interest in anything about her life in London, if it wasn’t for Addie, all they would have talked about would be when Poppy was going to move back home again. She always thought that would happen when she had children, she wanted them to have the childhood that she did, but now that she’s here in London with Oli she couldn’t imagine anything else for him, because their life was here, with Harry. Linda thought that was ludicrous though and with every opportunity, she found a reason to tell Poppy that a child shouldn’t grow up in a city, especially a city without a beach. But, just like she had upstairs, Addie managed to turn the conversation around every time without offending anyone, until she mentioned the possibility of moving to London too. 

“There’s plenty of spare rooms here Addie” Harry said to her before linda could shut her down “We’d love to have you” 

“I might just not leave” she laughed and stood up from the table “I am going to go to bed though” 

“I’ll show you to your room” Poppy stood up too and chauffeured her out of the room towards the living room, which lead onto the bedrooms.  

“You’re in this one Addie, and Mum and Dad are next door” 

“Thanks Pop” she smiled “I’m not joking about moving to London, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now” 

Poppy hugged her “Like Harry said, you’re always welcome here, this room can be all yours”

“Was this your room when you first arrived?” 

Poppy shook her head “No I was always upstairs, in Oli’s room” 

“Right next door to Harry” Addie giggled “makes sense” 

“Good night Addie” Poppy said, putting an end to that conversation before it even started. 

Poppy didn’t go back into the kitchen, she slipped straight into her bedroom and into bed. Who knew working full time and being a mother would be so exhausting. Her heavy eyes fell closed and she only stirred when Harry came into the room an hour later and wrapped his arms around her.

December 22nd 2019

Poppy rolled over in her bed, exposing her upper arm to the cold morning air and saw that Harry was still fast asleep next to her. She reached for her phone to check the time, wondering why she’d not yet been woken by Oli’s cries to be taken out of the crib.

7:03. He was usually awake by now, but she shrugged it off, because he did go to sleep late last night and rolled back over to face Harry, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose to wake him. He blinked a few times and scrunched up his face as she giggled

“Morning love” he smiled, finally opening his eyes and wrapping his arms around her “Oli not up yet?”

“Nope” she emphasized the end of the word, burying her head in his chest “either that or my mother got up to him” 

Harry scoffed “Seems unlikely, your sister, maybe” 

“That sounds more possible” 

He let a content sigh “This time two years ago, we were sitting in that hospital room, waiting for him to arrive”

Poppy sat up “Harry, today’s his second birthday”

He furrowed his brow at her “Yeah” he said, sounding confused “I was just sayin’ that”

“And we haven’t heard a thing from Danny”

The realisation dawned on him and a huge smile spread across his face “We haven’t heard anything from Danny- shit Pop I can adopt him”

“You can adopt him H” she smiled kissing his puffy morning lips “You’ll have to give the lawyers a call tomorrow, but it should be a pretty simple process, they should still have all the paperwork we filled out before the hearing, we’ll just have to sign it”

“Easy” he kissed her again “He could be mine by Christmas”

“I doubt it, red tape takes time and there’s only three days to go” she heard the faint sounds of Oli stirring next door “I’ll go” she smiled, throwing the blankets off and shivering at the cold December air. She wrapped her big fluffy dressing gown around her and walked out of the room to go and get Oli out of bed, leaving Harry there, smile spread across his face.

“Happy Birthday big boy” she said walking into his room

“Mumma” he smiled at her throwing his dummy out of the cot “Pippy” he tried to reach for the dummy that was now on the floor.

“Pippy’s on the ground bub”she leaned down and picked it up “mummy get it for you”

“Ta” he took it from her and stuck it back in his mouth.

Poppy reached into the cot and unzipped his sleeping bag as she picked him up “Where’s itchy?” she said.  Oli had become quite attached to it when they took him on tour with Harry last year and after seeing Mitch playing the guitar at one of the shows he’d started calling it ‘itchy’ unable to say the ‘m’ sound in his name, and he couldn’t go anywhere without it.

“Itchy’s gone mum” he frowned shrugging his shoulders and looked around the room.

“He can’t be gone bub” Poppy giggled searching behind the cot and spotted him on the floor behind it “there he is! He’s hiding from you Oli” she put him down and moved the cot out from the wall, so she could lean down and pick the toy up. “Silly itchy” she said handing it to him.

“itchy silly mummy” he giggled giving the toy a big cuddle

“Shall we go see Daddy?” she ruffled his hair

“Yeah” he said, nodding his head

“Come on then” she walked out of the room and he followed her.

“DADDY!” he burst into their bedroom and climbed into the bed next to harry.

“There’s my big two-year-old!” Harry said, and Oli snuggled into his side “Happy birthday little man” he kissed the top of his head. Poppy stood in the doorway watching their interaction, heart filled with more love than she’d ever thought possible.

Oli handed Harry itchy “Daddy, itchy hiding”

Harry furrowed his brow “Was itchy hiding from you bub?” he chuckled, turning to look at Poppy “what’s mummy doing all the way over there?” he asked, “There’s room for one more in here”

“Why don’t we all go downstairs for some breakfast, Mummy’s hungry”

“Breakfast!” Oli nodded and jumped down from the bed, toddling out of the room and downstairs. She followed him closely behind, making sure he didn’t slip and helped him into his high chair.

“What would you like today birthday boy?”

“Toast” he said enthusiastically, which made Poppy and Harry both giggle 

“Daddy can make you pancakes if you want little man?” Harry offered, searching the pantry for all the ingredients

“No, toast” he nodded

“Fine” Harry huffed pulling the jar of strawberry jam from the shelf in front of him “Jam toast it is”

“No Daddy, Mite toast”

Poppy giggled to herself, handing Harry the Jar of vegemite “the kid knows what he wants”

“You’re a bad influence on him,” he said, putting a piece of bread in the toaster, shaking his head at her

“I’ll do this” Poppy said, taking the butter knife off him “you go get the presents”

He placed a kiss on her cheek and walked off, upstairs to get Oli’s birthday presents. Once the toast was ready she spread the vegemite lightly across its surface and cut it into four triangles, placing it onto a Winnie the Pooh plate that Grimmers had given them when he first started eating solids.

“Vegemite toast for the Birthday boy” Poppy smiled, pinching his cheeks as she laid the plate in front of him.

“Thanks Mumma” he smiled. 

“Good Morning” Linda yawned, walking into the kitchen in a very light cotton dressing gown “It’s freezing here” 

“It’s London” Poppy admitted “I’ve turned the heating on” 

“Good” Linda smiled “Now where’s my grandson” 

“He’s eating his birthday breakfast” Poppy said excitedly while pointing to the high chair “Oli, say hi to nanna” 

She wasn’t quite sure how he would react to linda, he’d really only met her through facetime and part of her was convinced that he thought she was just the lady that existed in the phone. He turned in his high chair and looked at Linda. He was puzzled at first but his expression soon changed and a big toothy smile grew on his face. 

“Nanna” he said, taking a bite of his toast. 

“Hi Big Boy” Linda smiled back, placing a big sloppy kiss on his cheek “Happy Birthday” 

“Do you want anything Mum? Tea, Coffee, Breakfast?” 

“I wouldn’t mind a tea and some eggs” she said and sat down next to Oli. “Is that vegemite you’ve got there?” she said to him 

“Mite” he smiled and held the toast up to her 

“You’re a real little Aussie then, just have to get your mum to bring you home”

Poppy filled a pot with water and put it on the stove so that she could poach some eggs for everyone when they eventually woke up  and she heard her phone ringing on the bench behind her. Seeing Harry’s name on the screen, she answered it, confused.

“Did you forget where we hid the presents?” she giggled into the phone as Oli sat in his high chair giggling away at Linda as she pulled faces at him.

“No” he said flatly ���Can you come here for a sec, need your help with the big one”

“I think it’s time you started those personal training sessions again then Styles” Poppy said standing up from her chair “I’ll be right up” she hung up the phone and turned to Linda and Oli

“Oli, Mummy’s just going to help daddy for a few minutes, I’ll be right back” she kissed his head and walked upstairs into her bedroom where she found Harry standing in the bathroom doorway holding what like a pregnancy test.

“What’s this love?” he asked, handing it to her

“Shit” she said, not looking at it “I took this last night and left it to do it’s thing when you got home from the airport and I kinda forgot about it with all the chaos”

“It’s positive love”

Poppy turned it over in her hand and saw the same two blue lines that she’d seen almost three years ago when she found out she was having Oli, and a few tears formed in her eyes as she looked up at Harry “It’s positive H”

He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her in close to his chest, “We’re having a baby Poppy.”