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#i stopped thinking about it for like three weeks and now im thinking about it again and it's five thirty in the morning and im gonna do it
lxvsiick · 2 days
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TOO SWEET | LEE RIWOO X READER
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PAIRING: donut lover! lee riwoo x clueless! fem! reader
SUMMARY: After stealing the last donut from him, Riwoo declares Y/n as his enemy -- in which Y/n is clueless to the rivalry between her and Riwoo after stealing the last donut from the bakery.
GENRE: one-sided rivalry, enemies to lovers?, imagine
WORDCOUNT: 1.9k
A/N: a riwoo imagine/story! im so sorry it took awhile for me to write a riwoo story! i had many ideas for him but didn't know how to execute it ,, i also just go back from an nct dream concert so i am a little tired ,, anyways, enjoy!
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୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
The smell of fresh pastries hit Riwoo as he and his friends piled into the bakery. His eyes immediately locked onto the display case, and there it was—the last glazed donut, shining like a beacon of happiness in an otherwise dreary morning.
“I’ve been dreaming about this donut for days,” he announced dramatically, pushing his friends aside with an excited grin. “Today’s the day.”
Just as he approached the counter, the worker sighed and picked up the microphone, voice crackling through the bakery's speakers. “Attention customers, we are now officially out of donuts. Thank you!”
His heart stopped. “What? No donuts?” he said, disbelief and shock mixing in his tone. Riwoo leaned over the counter, craning his neck to see who had snatched it. There, sitting by the window, casually taking a bite of his donut, was none other than her—the girl from three of his classes.
Y/n.
His eyes narrowed as she wiped some sugar off her cheek, oblivious to his presence.
“No way,” he muttered, stepping back from the counter. “It was her.”
His friends exchanged confused looks. “Who?” Jaehyun asked.
“That girl,” he said, pointing dramatically in her direction. “She’s in three of my classes... and she just took the last donut.”
There was a long pause as his friends stared between him and the girl, slowly processing what just happened.
“She’s my enemy now.”
Woonhak snorted. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious,” Riwoo said, crossing his arms. “She has declared war.”
As if on cue, Y/n glanced up from her seat, caught his gaze, and smiled sweetly, completely unaware of the chaos she had just unleashed in his world.
His friends burst into laughter. "Dude, I think you're overreacting."
“Nope. This is personal,” he said with a deadpan expression, eyes still fixed on her as if they were in the middle of a silent showdown.
"Your donut obsession's gonna get you killed one day," Sungho joked, slapping his back.
"Only if she gets to me first," he said, turning away with mock intensity.
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
The lecture hall buzzed with the usual pre-class chatter as Riwoo slouched in his seat, scrolling through his phone. Sungho sat beside him, lazily flipping through the notes from last week’s lecture, not really paying attention.
“Dude, I don’t get why we have to be here so early,” Sungho grumbled, tossing the notebook onto the desk.
“Because,” Riwoo replied, still focused on his screen, “if I have to suffer, so do you.”
Just then, the door to the lecture hall swung open, and a group of students entered, chatting and finding their seats. Riwoo didn’t pay much attention until he saw her—Y/n—walking in with her friend, laughing at something they were talking about.
His heart skipped for a brief second, and before he knew it, his eyes were glued to her.
She passed by his row, locking eyes with him for the briefest moment. She smiled—a sweet, innocent smile that lit up her face. She gave a small wave, like she hadn’t taken the last donut at the bakery just a couple of days ago.
He stared back, frozen in place. “Oh, she’s good,” he muttered under his breath.
As soon as she and her friend walked past, finding seats a few rows ahead, he turned to Sungho, face set in a serious expression.
“Did you see that?” he whispered, voice low as if he was about to reveal a grand conspiracy.
Sungho raised an eyebrow, glancing over at Y/n before turning back to him. “See what?”
“That smile,” Riwoo hissed. “She smiled at me. Like nothing happened. Like she didn’t steal my donut right from under my nose.”
Sungho blinked in confusion. “Uh...okay? What’s the big deal?”
He leaned in closer, his tone darkening dramatically. “She’s my enemy, man. Don’t you get it? That was a taunt. She’s mocking me.”
“Dude, she smiled at you. It’s a smile, not a declaration of war.”
“No, no, no. That’s exactly what she wants you to think,” he said, shaking his head. “That smile was strategic. It was planned. She’s trying to mess with me.”
Sungho snorted, holding back laughter. “So, let me get this straight: you think she’s secretly plotting against you because of... a donut?”
“Exactly,” he said, pointing a finger like he’d just cracked the code to some great mystery. “It’s psychological warfare. She’s playing the long game.”
Sungho leaned back in his chair, giving him a look that was part disbelief, part amusement. “You’re out of your mind.”
“I’m telling you, she’s my nemesis now,” he said with finality, crossing his arms.
Sungho shook his head, laughing under his breath. “You’re gonna have to get over that donut someday, man.”
“Never,” Riwoo replied, glancing once more at Y/n sitting a few rows ahead. “This isn’t about the donut anymore. It’s about principle.”
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
Riwoo slouched in his seat, staring at the clock as it ticked closer to the start of class. Without his friends in this lecture, the room felt emptier, and he wasn’t sure whether that was a blessing or a curse. He glanced around, vaguely recognizing some faces but not caring enough to acknowledge anyone.
His eyes drifted to the door as more students shuffled in—and then, of course, she walked in. Y/n, his sworn enemy, the girl who took the last donut and smiled at him as if she hadn't committed a crime against humanity. She sat a couple of rows ahead of him, chatting with someone else, completely unaware of the silent feud raging in his mind.
He sighed, burying his head in his hands. “I can’t escape her,” he muttered under his breath.
The professor cleared his throat at the front of the room, silencing the chatter. “Alright, everyone. Today, we’re starting the partner project I mentioned last week. I’ll be assigning the pairs. No, you don’t get to choose.”
Riwoo groaned internally. “Great,” he thought sarcastically. “Just what I need. Some random classmate to drag me down.”
The professor began rattling off names, pairing students up row by row. Riwoo wasn’t really listening until he heard—
“Lee Sanghyuk and... Jung Y/n.”
His heart stopped. Her? He blinked in disbelief, sitting up straight in his chair. “No way,” he whispered to himself, cursing under his breath. Out of all the people in this class, he had to be partnered with her? The universe was mocking him.
“Of course,” he muttered, crossing his arms. “Of course, it’s her.”
As if on cue, Y/n turned around in her seat, flashing him that sweet, innocent smile again. She waved lightly. “Sanghyuk! Looks like we’re partners!” she said brightly, as if this were the best news she’d heard all day.
He forced a tight smile, trying to mask the turmoil swirling inside him. “Y-yeah,” he said, his voice strained. “Lucky me.”
She hopped out of her seat and moved to sit beside him, dropping her bag on the desk with a friendly grin. “I’m so glad! I was really hoping I’d get someone I know. This project’s gonna be so much fun!”
Riwoo blinked at her enthusiasm. Fun? The word echoed in his mind like some kind of cruel joke. How could she be so cheerful when she was his nemesis? She had no idea what kind of rivalry she’d unknowingly sparked.
He shot a quick glance around the room, hoping no one else noticed the sheer irony of this situation. Meanwhile, she was already pulling out her notebook, flipping to a fresh page with a determined look on her face. “So, I was thinking we could divide the work evenly. I’ll handle the research part, if you’re cool with the writing. Or we could switch if that’s better for you.”
Riwoo blinked, thrown off by her kindness. “Uh... yeah, sure. Whatever works,” he said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
Y/n beamed at him. “Great! We make a good team already, huh?”
His jaw clenched slightly. A good team? Was she serious? Didn’t she realize she had stolen his donut, smiled at him like nothing happened, and now, the universe was forcing them to work together? This was some next-level psychological warfare.
She glanced at him, noticing his quietness. “Are you okay? You seem... tense.”
“Tense?” he repeated, trying to laugh it off. “No, no. I’m fine.” Inside, though, he was still cursing his luck. How could she be so oblivious?
“Awesome! I’ll message you tonight with some ideas so we can start brainstorming,” she said, already scribbling down some notes. “I’m really looking forward to this!”
He stared at her, utterly baffled. How could someone be this sweet? And why did it feel like it made the whole situation worse?
“Yeah... me too,” he mumbled, forcing a smile. But inside, all he could think was, This is going to be a nightmare.
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
Riwoo pushed open the door to the bakery, the familiar scent of fresh pastries filling the air. His eyes instinctively scanned the room for her, the girl who had unknowingly become the source of his donut-related anguish.
There she was—sitting at a table near the window, already settled in. She was leaning over her notebook, scribbling something down, but as he approached, she looked up and met his gaze with that same sweet smile. The one that used to make his blood boil.
“Hey, Sanghyuk!” Y/n greeted, her voice cheerful as she waved him over. “I went ahead and got us some desserts. I hope that’s okay.”
Riwoo raised an eyebrow, glancing down at the table. There, in front of her, was a plate with an assortment of donuts. Glazed, powdered, chocolate—every kind imaginable. His heart sank, and then leapt, all at once.
“I didn’t know what flavors you liked,” she continued with an innocent shrug, “so I just got a bunch. I figured we could share. I love donuts. They’re one of my favorites.”
His brain short-circuited for a moment. Did she just say donuts are her favorite?
“You... you like donuts?” he asked, cautiously sitting down across from her, eyes still fixated on the pile of pastries.
She giggled lightly. “Yeah, they’re my absolute favorite. I probably eat way too many of them, but I can’t help it. They’re so good, right?”
Riwoo blinked, stunned. This couldn’t be real. The girl who had taken the last donut in front of him—his enemy, his nemesis—also loved donuts? The very thing that had sparked his irrational rivalry?
“Uh... yeah, they’re my favorite too,” he admitted, leaning back in his chair as his mind reeled. “I didn’t know.”
She beamed, looking genuinely pleased. “Really? That’s awesome! We’ve got something in common then. Maybe we should work at bakeries instead of focusing on this project,” she joked, popping a small piece of donut into her mouth.
Riwoo couldn’t help but stare at her, dumbfounded. This was the same girl he’d been holding a grudge against for days—over a donut, no less—and now, here she was, sharing donuts with him, unknowingly erasing the rivalry he’d built in his head.
His initial instinct was to remain defensive, but as he watched her happily munch on the pastries, a strange realization crept in. She wasn’t his enemy. In fact, she might actually be... nice. Maybe even too nice.
“She’s not that bad,” he muttered under his breath, leaning forward to grab a donut from the plate. His one-sided rivalry suddenly seemed ridiculous. Maybe he could put it on hold, at least for now.
“What was that?” Y/n asked, looking up from her notebook.
“Oh, nothing,” he said, offering a half-smile as he took a bite of his donut. “Just thinking... maybe we make a good team after all.”
୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ☆
MASTERLIST
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© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024
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megumi-fm · 5 months
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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butnotbubblegum · 2 months
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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fooltofancy · 10 months
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i'm cutting his hair off.
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livingasaghost · 28 days
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anybody else????
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depresseddepot · 1 year
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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once
#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day#i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat#but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand#first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex#thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds#i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at#so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me#but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time#so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous#did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes#but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute#this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this#i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive#and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually#i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other#and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive#which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much#but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me#i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could
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july-19th-club · 5 months
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hate when i'm having insomnia and i cant point to the exact reason . which to be fair is a problem i have elsewhere but i want to be able to pin down a specific thing i did and go welp won't do that again and then the problem would stop . but instead i do everything 'right' according to what has worked perfectly every single night for a month . and then it doesn't work for some bullshit reason .
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there's normal thought exercise questions to be had about fave charas like 'what would your fave do in X situation' or 'does your fave like Y why or why not' but the most important question to me i could ever answer about my faves is 'do they like shadow the hedgehog and is it purely ironic or do they have all 326 route titles memorized'
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convoloutedinjoke · 1 year
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Currently writing swap AU where Kim is just himself on hard mode. Like he wakes up in a clean, normal room, puts on the same outfit as always and doesn't tell anyone he's forgotten everything until Harry wheedles it out of him by badgering him for One Singe Secret (he cant remember any).
He then goes outside and points a gun at a civilian over a perceived threat.
#also he has a preexisting speed problem but because of the way he has a speed problem#(keeps a set number of pills in a little days of the week pill caddy with his ptsd medication)#he assumes they're like antidepressants or something#and just. keeps taking them? and it doesn't come up till after the tribunal?#also all the political alignments are variations on him going “no... that's too extreme... give me something reasonable”#and then going to a Fantasy Labour Party debate on how to reach across the isle to revacholean nationalists#or meeting with a group of small business owners to share finance tips and deductible loopholes. all of it feels hollow.#He also doesn't put on glasses for the first six to eight in-game hours#until Garte (who is cool with him because he pays his bills on time and hasn't caused a fuss) finally cracks and asks where they went#anyway its not going anywhere but im having fun#(pushes his career slider backwards)(raises the unfair treatment bar)#(tweaks the dials on his workaholic and repression meters to “worse”)(drives “need for control” display into the red)#(flips harry switch from “most fucked up man alive” to “somewhat better but still not doing well by any stretch of the imagination”)#ive done it ive made a version of this that I would enjoy#one of his thought projects is trying to write a facts and logic debunking of the insulindian phasmid#the solution is “it isn't real because its silly. im going to stop thinking about this now because I am solving a murder.”#+physique: no longer expending energy on debating dream logic#-morale: couldn't come up with a comprehensive refutation for giant stick bugs#harry hasn't gone full Tequila Sunset drives-my-car-into-the-sea but he has gotten pissed and told everyone to fuck off for three days
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suavis · 2 months
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i need to be put down like an old dog fr 😔 now that my teen years are over suddenly i have every problem at once
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aftermathing · 3 months
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#God im so annoying at phone calls just stop fucking talking to me#I'm pretty sure everyone in my thin wall dormitory thinks I'm completely socially inept because my siblings or parents#keep calling me literally like three times every day when I don't even want to talk to or think about them#So it looks like I'm obsessed with phone calls because I'm always on one because I can't do school work if I am interrupted#by a phone call#The entire conversation from my end is 'yuh................. uh-huh......... yeah......... haha i think so....................'#I add nothing because I don't want to talk to you shut the fuck up shut the fuck up#Literally wasting my time I literally feel completely insane is it normal to call people this much#Is it normal to force me to use my voicemail which takes ten minutes instead of just fucking texting me??????????#I'm like actually going to throw up leave me alone I literally do not want to interact with any of you in any capacity that's why I'm here#and not there.#if I enjoyed your company. i would hang out with you. But seeing as I hate you and am annoyed by you and wouldn't mind if you died#Stop calling me!!!!! No one fucking calls people anymore#Literally only doctors. You're such an asshole leave me alone now I can't do school work for another week#'Dude I can tell you've been sleeping' yeah you fucking woke me up#And even awake my responses would be 'yuh...... haha no...........'#My sleep schedule is 7am-12pm you're the one inconveniencing me
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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what if i just killed myself
#the entire fucking REASONNNNN i titrated through right to choose was bc they said GPs will accept shared care after!!!!!!#i CANNOT fucking afford private meds. i can afford a few weeks to finish titration but i dont have the income/savings for more#like the meds for this month alone cost £150. and thats on top of 25 quid for the prescription n more for any communications#and yeah i wouldnt have to pay the monthly titration fee after that but its still 200 quid a month plus a mandatory 200 quid review yearly#plus extra every time i want any changes to meds itd work out at like 10-15% of my annual income before tax jesus fucking christ#they said someone would get in touch with more info and they havent and im uughghjgf. please dont do this to me#i dont even want to send a follow up message bc id get charged for that at their stupidly expensive rate per minute#man i just. i cant think about this right now its making me so anxious#lets just get to the end of the process and ill pay for discharge/referral and if my gp refuses then ill deal with it from there#i need to look into my workplaces healthcare coverage bc thats another option i could get private treatment covered through them#but i may still have to pay for my own scripts and i dont want to be tied to my work like that..i mean i can go back to being unmedicated#or switch gp until i find one that does accept. and maybe they will straight away so ahhhhhh. its okay its okay lets just see#one thing. at a time. im not going to panic about it#i haveto call friends now anyway so i need to stop spiralling abt this wah#.diaries#whats the fucking point of having public healthcare if u cant even get ur fucking treatment covered by it this country is DOGSHIT#AND MY PRESCRIBER SPELLED MY NAME WRONG THREE TIMES IM SO PISSED OFFFFFFF
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if there's one thing i hate more than slackers in group projects its goddamn hypocrites
#this guy did jack shit for two full weeks when we're building the damn prototype#but STILL brought up the fact that most of our team blew off a report till the last minute in the beginning of march#*prototypes don't work* “sEe tHis iS wHy wE nEedEd tO hAvE a cOnvErsaTioN aBouT MS3”#like hon you lost the rights to the “y'all need to contribute more” argument the moment you left me hanging for 2-3 FUCKING WEEKS#like excuuuuuse me you been prioritizing extra curriculars all week get off your high horse stop lecturing everyone else about contribution#he made maybe 3 contributions? maybe?#first he 3D modeled an adapter and sent it to someone else to print (couldn't even do THAT himself smh)#then he sent the gc a sketch of an idea i roughly proposed literally the NIGHT BEFORE as his own contribution (that I ENDED UP BUILDING#then he...screwed on a few pipe fittings and called it a project :)#would be a LOT less pissed if he didn't show up to One Thing outside weekly team meetings/class#then apologize for slacking off BUT then launch into a FUCKING SPEECH ABOUT HOW HIM BEING HERE PROVES HIS COMMITTMENT#all because he DOESN'T LIKE GETTING UP EARLY. like sir. sir i am rIGHT FUCKING HERE. i was up till 4-5am working on this stfu#we've been building for three weeks and he's come into work on stuff wo me there ONCE for an HOUR#for context id spent about fifteen hours in the shop alone working on the fucking thing that WEEK#like im trying to be understanding ik tech week is hell#but i took “stepping back” as “i only have a few hours here and there to be in the shop and will do the writeups”#NOT “won't show up outside meetings AND we're splitting slides and writeups 80/20”#like id been in the lab all fuckin day and notice we have an assignment due (missed a SINGLE meeting due to exam)#and i ask him if theres anything i can do (and im thinking like look it over maybe add a spec or two)#and this fucker has the AUDACITY to ask me to write the full four paragraph summary cause he#*checks notes* copy-pasted some specs from milestone 3 so of COURSE its only fair that despite the fact I've been in the lab ALL DAY#that i write the four fuckin paragraphs too#course we're troubleshooting and he's like “did you clean the pump? did you disassemble it and rinse it?” like yes???#i did EVERYTHING i could think of before i even bothered texting you cause i know you're fucking useless#and then he raises fifteen different concerns which while valid would have been NICE TO HEAR WHEN I SENT YOU MY INITIAL DESIGNS#y'know BEFORE i spent over fifteen hours of my free time building this damn thing#with slackers i just pick up the work and move on with my life this idiot is trying to gaslight me into thinking that he contributed fairly#when i heard “i need to step back due to play stuff” i thought we'd be splitting it like 65:35 NOT FUCKING 95:5#and now hes probably going to give ME a poor peer review because I've been passive aggressive with him in the few meetings he showed up to#like i got shit going on too? how the fuck does he expect me to respond to being abandoned to do this shit myself
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bunnyboy-juice · 9 months
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i want comfort of distractions and company but i am not fit for company rn so im just. sobbing (:
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scarlettmurphy · 2 months
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STARCROSSED PT2 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.
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logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then you’re father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.
- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.
spoiler: insane yearning and angst i’m sorry im too far gone ☹️ happy ? where.
note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!🫶🏻 i didn’t realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. it’s a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if you’ve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?
tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl 🫶🏻
[i hope you like it!!]
you’d absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasn’t what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldn’t forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you can’t help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.
she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on — him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.
just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.
so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didn’t like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didn’t even wanna look at him — that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldn’t even bring yourself to see him today. you didn’t want too, you couldn’t. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.
you really couldn’t deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain — physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldn’t stomach ever since you were a little girl.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.
you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?
.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank — the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and that’s where you had been since — buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since you’d got your heart broken by a guy that didn’t even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she could’ve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.
just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole you’d built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all people’s party, your ‘smidge’ of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since she’d known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like she’s married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.
and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldn’t get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.
you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater — you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didn’t apply because you haven’t been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation you’d forced yourself into.
y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasn’t happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didn’t even wanna imagine logan’s eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadn’t gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.
these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldn’t be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didn’t know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.
walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldn’t deal with his jokes right now which she could guess who’d they’d be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadn’t out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.
the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didn’t notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.
“thank god you’re showing your face — i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.” hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.
“hiya hank.” y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. “thanks.” y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.
“come! sit.” he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.
“where the hell have you been?” he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one that’s pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didn’t taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that she’d play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.
“—i’ve been busy! controlling powers— small missions, and that.” y/n lied out.
hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.
“i know you but i’m not pushing it— rather you bite of logan’s heads rather then mine.” hank said out lowly as y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.
“hello pretty little liars, you’re aria?” wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/n’s eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.
“—elsa! you made it snow yet?” y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wade’s harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/n’s gaze.
“you know i have honey.” he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.
“shots anyone?” hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. “—very much needed.” y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a ‘good’ friend in his eyes anyway, he didn’t wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.
hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/n’s stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.
“you seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?” wade said sarcastically knowing the two didn’t really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.
“luckily i haven’t, as i’ve brung nothing.” y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaid— y/n’s eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. “fifteen?” y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.
“who’s pants are you trying to get into?” wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe that’d stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.
“preferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.” hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.
“i can tuck.” wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. “disgusting!” she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.
“ah! sweeties jealous.” wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/n’s way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.
every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow she’d swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot — wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.
the songs and wade and hank’s voices becoming a blur in y/n’s mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldn’t stop having.
+ੈ✩‧₊˚
y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.
“you know— you look like your mum.”
his words caused y/n’s attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little ‘oo’ in the background even if he couldn’t help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.
“very dead?” y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look — clearly a little annoyed she didn’t take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.
“beautiful you idiot.” hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile — swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.
“thank you hank.” y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.
“—fucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.” wade cursed out as y/n’s gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.
yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room — their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.
he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.
“who thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?” logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/n’s eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasn’t when wade spoke up.
“gods probably.” wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.
“y/n.” logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck — one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasn’t worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.
“hi.” she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table — his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.
“uh—“ logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat — feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, “where have you been?” he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he could’ve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldn’t help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.
he couldn’t even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.
“i’ve been busy. but i’ve been around— i saw you two days ago.” she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.
“you didn’t stay,” he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, “like you uh- normally, do.”
his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasn’t killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.
“—had somewhere to be.” she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.
y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadn’t even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy she’d ever loved wrapped around her finger.
y/n’s heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him — time feeling a little slow motion.
“logan—now.” jean said harshly.
“lo- logan.” she said again, y/n not leaving logan’s gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.
“logan— he knows.” she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for logan’s ears yet y/n heard them. “now! come on?” she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.
the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.
“be careful kid, remember to slow down.” he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid — not feeling logan’s eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.
y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension — it was impossible not too.
“so they’re fucking again.” hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.
“mm, most definitely.. hell for scott.” wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/n’s eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/n’s heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.
her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down — the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.
“we’re going to dance— you coming?” wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, “no—thanks,” she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backs— her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.
y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.
her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since she’d know the man.
yet what she didn’t expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway — a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didn’t even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hap—
“mine.” she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.
and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jean’s light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/n’s mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldn’t be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched logan’s hands wrap around jean’s waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/n’s heart in two.
she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.
“you’re mine.” ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/n’s body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jean’s hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.
the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.
and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long had passed, that’s when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel — shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasn’t doing too good of a job with it.
“watch it!” someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadn’t felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.
the fact they were doing that right now she just couldn’t and didn’t want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where she’s surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.
her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didn’t even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.
her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, “it’s okay—“ a low voice ushered out as y/n couldn’t help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.
her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.
“you’re good.” scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didn’t completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down — his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.
“scott.” she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didn’t prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasn’t held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.
“w-why— doesn-t he love me?” she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scott’s lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.
“—he—“ scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, “he does love you okay?”
y/n shook her head at scott’s words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. “not like i want him to.” she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didn’t know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.
“hey- he does okay?” scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her — the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.
“he does.” scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.
her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.
“i wish.” he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, “come on. okay? he doesn’t know what he’s missing right now.— he doesnt see you liking him.” scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.
his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scott’s comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasn’t going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.
“you deserve better then jean-y bitch.” she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.
“yeah— i’m starting to realise that.” he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone she’d hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldn’t help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.
a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.
“y/n?” scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.
“y/n?” he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.
“fuck— y/n.” he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.
a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didn’t even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.
“scott.” she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something he’d done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.
“okay it’s time to go sleep— im taking you to bed.” he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.
“you’re good.” he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. “nearly there.” he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.
“—‘m gonna be sick.” she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again — him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench — his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.
“good girl. “ he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, “cmon, bed.” he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/n’s ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.
her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossus’s doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scott’s words.
“you need to be carried or are you okay?” scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.
“‘u—‘i can—“
“scarlett?” logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scott’s arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scott’s jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.
“scott?” logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didn’t get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.
“lo-“ y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scott’s arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, logan’s eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.
“what have you done to her?!” logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where he’s pretty sure her room is.
“scott!” logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.
the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.
“what the fuck did you do?” logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not logan’s funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.
“you should ask yourself that, prick.” scott said harshly. logan’s eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.
logan immediately grabbing scott’s arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.
“what do you mean by that?” logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scott’s as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking logan’s grip off — giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, “god, you are so stupid. you’d think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.” scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.
his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat — his threat there as scott swallowed.
“tell me.” he said harshly as scott couldn’t help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.
“she saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaning— fuck you.” scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.
logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, “i’ll heal,” logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.
“i wish you wouldn’t.” scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.
“jean only needed someone to talk too—“
“you mean fuck.” scott said out harshly, jean crossing logan’s mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scott’s feelings — right now his mind pondering on another.
scott saw how logan couldn’t even fight back with words — tutting as he pushed him back. logan’s hands falling to his side as the two didn’t break eye contact.
“you know we’re engaged.” scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over logan’s face as his mouth fell open, “well we were.” he added out.
“you were— what?” logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.
“great.. she didn’t tell you. like she didn’t tell anyone,” he said lowly, “not that it makes it any better what you’ve done,” scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, “she’s a caniving cheating bitch.” scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.
logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/n’s soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.
“maybe just think next time before you fuck someone else’s girl, again.” scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.
“i don’t think she’s your girl.” logan called back out before he left as scott’s jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.
“not anymore. you can have her.” he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.
“—just think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.” scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.
logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldn’t even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.
his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldn’t help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek — many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.
his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.
logan’s eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didn’t recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldn’t focus on now.
feeling all the emotions boiling up he’d been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scott’s words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.
the implication of scott’s words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldn’t help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.
carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down — no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was — as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.
only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.
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heliophaestus · 1 year
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#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#sorry for like. personalposting on the personal post website i guess but i am going to snap#my laptop is broken. the play is in a week and i feel SO unprepared but even worse i feel like everyone else is too. only three broadcasts#left but i want to do more but that requires having enough time to write and film and edit all the segments i want to (some of which are#kind of not feasible). oh yeah and this one asshole quit the fucking play a day ago. shouldve seen that coming because she was shit talking#it the whole time and not showing up to any rehearsals at all. my bad on that one. calc quiz tomorrow i havent studied for in the least#and an english project which i would LIKE to do but so much other shit is happening it just feels like an extra burden#and lss still has not replied to me about my national lifeguard certification since telling me they hadnt received my sfa#which means i cant hand in the proper documentation for WORK. who has been emailing me nonstop to remind me to get it in#not to mention the general stress of managing a play that can feasibly spur hate crimes bc its about queerness#and i have musicfest on friday. FUCKK i forgot about that i guess im just going to niagara for a day to play songs i still havent fully lea#ned which is gonna be hell since i just got my braces tightened today. also why the fuck does the osap application just have. a full quiz#in the middle of it#ugh at least when the play is over ill have a bit less to worry about. i love it so much but it is taking years off my life#reading this back uhh. yeah hm. ignore most of this im just a bit overwhelmed and have to get it out !!#there is still more to worry about beyond this in terms of upcoming finances and feeling the need to work for money as much as i can since#my dad has been unemployed for half a year now. which means im giving up my summer for the sake of working subminimum wage#it sucks but at least once i figure out more of my payments stuff for next year i can stop tearing my nonexistent hair out over it#okk thats all for now i think. man im tired
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