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thefanficmonster · 2 years

Note

Idk if this is too much? Carmy having a crush and finding out or trying to help you with an eating disorder?

TW - ED talk below the cut

Hi dear, no worries, this is perfectly ok. I have been dealing with an eating disorder for three years now and I feel like being able to finally honestly express it via my fics will be therapeutic for me. Hope you enjoy these headcanons💕

Pairing: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Reader (Gender Neutral) [The Bear]

Warnings: Discussions and Symptoms of an ED as well as the healing process, Swearing, Mentions of Anxiety

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Comfort Fluff, Angst

Summary: see request above

Now that he's staring at undoubtable proof, running the reel of the last few months in his brain reveals there were many more hints he should've picked up on

The endless busying, all the declined invitations to go have dinner with the staff of The Bear, recipes you didn't want to try when he asked you for an opinion

He skipped out on the group dinner last night, opting to bring sandwiches home so the two of you can enjoy them together and finally spend some quality time with one another

A proper conversation hadn't been had in a while - you went over serious subjects like the bills and rent, the paychecks he has to give his staff, the paycheck you still haven't received etc.

Both of you had been so engrossed in the chatter, Carmy didn't think twice of it when you'd proclaimed you'd hit the hay and excused yourself to wash your plate while he finished his sandwich

Ten minutes later, he went to wash his own plate, but when he went to throw the napkin in the bin, amidst a pile of napkins and receipts peeked out the practically whole sandwich he'd thought you had eaten

For a moment he wonders if the sandwich was the problem

And then he issues an investigation

He checks the box of cereal only you eat in the mornings - unopened despite it being bought a week prior

Unopened milk carton

A full pack of eggs, once again purchased a while ago

His question was semi-answered, but the last thing he wanted to do was jump to conclusions

So he called Sydney to tell her he'd be a bit late the next day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mumbling to yourself as you enter the living room, dressed and ready for work, you yelp when you see a figure sat on the couch, looking at you

"Damn it, Carmy, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?" You question, a hand coming up to rest on your chest, feeling it race under your palm

Your boyfriend shrugs, "We always miss each other in the mornings, so I thought I'd change that. Made us breakfast and all."

He sees something in your expression wilt, but he has not time to dwell on it because your words certainly back it up

"I gotta get to work, I don't wanna be late, my boss will screech his lungs out." You barely give him a moment to process your response before bypassing him to the foyer

"You have to eat, Y/N. That asshole be damned." He protests, following you in the hall

"I'll grab something along the way."

"I know you won't." His tone coupled with his words send a chill down your spine, stopping you in the process of putting on your shoes

He's noticed

"I didn't want you to worry." He rolls his eyes at your words, sipping his coffee

"I always worry." You'd negotiated you'll only have one pancake and a cup of coffee

He didn't argue which was a relief

"I know, thanks mom."

The easy conversation you'd used to distract him from your avoidance of the food last night is now used on you

Because when he slips another pancake on your plate, you don't complain, engrossed in gossiping about your coworkers

There's a long way to go into being able to accept yourself and feed your body the way it deserves without the need for a distraction

But with a support system such as Carmy, you're given the comfort it'll be at least a bit easier to bear emotionally and physically

#the bear #the bear 2022 #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fanfic #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x you #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy x reader #carmen x reader #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #headcanons #reader #x reader #request

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marvelous-imagines · 4 years

Text

Please

Eli "hawk" moskowitz x reader

Request: ok! if you get too busy or don’t like the idea you don’t have to do it...but would it be possible for you to do a Miguel or Hawk imagine where the reader and him (either boy is either) get into a fight and they accidentally hit the reader cause of ✨karate✨and then they have to apologize and stuff and maybe it’s like...fluffy idk...if you don’t want to do it that’s fine! No pressure! <3

Warnings: language. Angst. And fluff at the end because I'm all soft for eli🥺

Tag: @klt123456

You stormed into your boyfriends bedroom slamming the door, face flushed with anger while you pace the room. Eli watched you with a cold hard stare, arms crossed as he huffs out a un-amused chuckle.

"shouldn't I be the one pissed? Considering you're the one who was hanging around that jerk!?" hawk growls, causing you to scoff and shake your head. "you was flirting with that - that asshole! All night!" he yells, walking closer to you.

You only roll your eyes and glare at him. Thankful his mother wasn't home to hear his loud yelling, "I wasn't flirting with him! I was hardly even talking to the guy!" you retort, voice raised as you stare at him, watching his anger grow. "and what words I did say to was about me and you Eli!" you tell the truth, for you told the random guy about eli and your relationship.

But the man who your boyfriend claimed you to be flirting with was insistent with his flirting toward you, one of the reasons you waved Eli over in the first place. But he was a stubborn hard headed hot head after he joined that karate class he always tells you about.

"then why the hell did he have his hands all over you? Why did you let him do that!?" eli yells stalking closer to you, his eye's alight with anger, rage rolling off him in burning waves. You actually felt a little intimidated by him and let your anger soften a little, trying to calm down.

"I didn't. That's what you're not understanding!" you spoke through gritted teeth. The man just slung a arm over your shoulder and started getting a little too friendly for your liking. Why you waved your boyfriend over.

"what you're not understanding is that you shouldn't have even talked to the asshole in the first place!" he exclaimed, clearly getting even angrier. You sigh deeply and shake your head.

"I'm going home until you calm down..." you say calmy, heading for the door until he graps your wrist and spins you around, hard blue eye's glaring down at you.

"you're not leaving until this is settled!" you huff out a frustrated breath, fed up with his attitude.

"there's nothing to settle Eli, not until you stop being a childish asshole" you said, venom dripping from your voice as you angrily pry his fingers from your wrist, in a attempt to leave. But when you done so he done some sort of move making you flip and land on his floor hard on your back, the wind knocked from your lungs. You stare up at your boyfriend with a frightened, betrayed look. This was not your Eli... Eli would never do something like this to you, at least you thought.

When you met his gaze, his blue eye's was wide with a horrified expression. He was quick to crouch down beside you, reaching for you. But you backed away, standing up and running out fthe door. You heard Eli yelling for you, pleading for you to talk... But you left his house. Tears swelling in your eye's.

You wasn't hurt, you pissed he'd do that, you was pissed at cobra Kai for corrupting your sweet shy Eli into an ignorant asshole who thought karate was the key to fixing everything. Like tonight at that stupid party he dragged you to, if your shy sweet Eli saw a man flirting with you, he'd take you home and calmy tell you what he was feeling, taking care of the situation calmy, he'd see you push the jerk away and cling to his side as you reassure him he was the only man for you.... But the new Eli... Hawk, he saw everything different, he saw the man wrap a arm around you and assumed you was madly in love with the stranger, he saw the chance to use his flashy new fighting skills and took it. Showing off his new self. You hated it.

A solid week went by with you ignoring Eli, not answering his calls or texts, distancing yourself from him at school or anywhere you saw him actually. You even had to ignore poor Miguel because he tried getting you to talk to Eli. But you didn't want to, not after what he done.

That's how you ended up walking home alone from school, bag slung over your shoulder as you kept your eyes glued to the sidewalk. But the sound of approaching footsteps caught your attention, you look behind you to see aisha. She walks beside you steadily. You sigh and already know what she's hear for....

"look, I have no idea what happened between you and hawk... But maybe you should try talking to him? He's really upset, he's even missing karate class" you look over at her as you stopped walking. That was a bit of shock, Eli skipping lessons like that.

"he's not been showing up for his lessons?" you ask, a curious brow lifted at her.

She nods, "he hasn't showed up for a week now, even sensei Lawrence is concerned about him, maybe you should call hawk, try working things out?" aisha told you. But you wasn't gonna forgive Eli that easily, just because he was skipping karate doesn't mean you'd forgotten what he done to you.

"maybe sensei Lawrence should give him a call, because I'm not letting Eli forget his mistake that easily" you grumbled, aisha sighs and follows you to your house.

"what did he even do? It can't be that bad!?" she said a little loudly as you got ahead of her. You stopped walking again, nearly home as you grip your backpack strap hard.

"he freaking body slammed me aisha! It's pretty bad" you state with frustration. Aisha's eyes widen as she catches up with you.

"why the hell did he do that?" she asks, starting to side with you on this one. You opened your mouth to answer her but no noise came out, you stared at your porch steps at where the familier man sat, his head resting in his hands as he bounced his knee, his anxiety getting the best of him.

You groan and March over to him, trying to ignore him as you head for the steps, but he stood up fastly and looks at you with big pleading eye's, his expression one of pain and regret. You felt your heart ache for him, for you remember this look on him all to well, the nights you spent holding him in your arms as kids words from school about the scar on his lip got to him...

You push those thoughts away and try to pass him, but he stops you gently, his shaky hand softly grasping your hand. You yank your hand from his grasp causing his heart to break right there, his eye's showing the defeated pained look that action caused.

"get out of my way hawk... Go home or whatever" you grumbled quietly while staring at him with a look over anger.

He sighs, a little frown on his face. He knew he messed up big time when you called him hawk, something you never called him, ever. "I'm sorry y/n, I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't mean to do that... It was a reflex -

"don't go making excuses for practically body slamming me hawk, now move and get lost" you try and make him leave by putting up a angery facade. But it obviously wasn't working.

"please y/n! I'm sorry, what I did was stupid, how I was acting that night was stupid and nothing will ever make up for what I did, I know that but..." he sighs, looking down as his lip trembles. Pain embracing your heart at the sight, you hated seeing Eli cry...

"I can't leave without you y/n, I know that sounds cliché... But it's true, I didn't realize how enjoyable life was when you were in it... But when you left? When you're gone... It's miserable, a living hell because I can't stand not hearing you're voice or seeing you're face - I miss you y/n, so fucking much it's killing me not being near you... Please just give me a another chance " he spoke with tears slowly falling from his blue eye's. This was Eli, not hawk the big badass karate champ, but sweet, sympathetic, vulnerable Eli moskowitz. "please" he muttered.

You stare at him, eye's roaming his face. You look into his blue eye's, the eye's you've gazed in for nearly 3 years. You look over his adorable nose you've made a habit of kissing whenever he'd get stressed or frustrated over anything the action always melting his heart. Then lastly you look over the scar on his lip, the scar he hated with a passion. You've placed many kisses on that scar, telling him it wasn't seen as a flaw in your eye's, but a beauty mark, something that made him characteristic. All of that took place in the years before he went to Cobra Kai. The years you both was madly in love...

"eli... I'll never forget what happened that night, you acted like a total asshole, you overreacted over something stupid because you let anger and jealousy get the best of you, and you hurt me. Not only emotionally, but physically and that's something I'll never forget" you said with a through growing frustration. Eli's eye's already showing the way his heart was shattering at what he thought was you breaking up with him.

"but... That doesn't mean I'm just going to leave you, sure I may be angry but I'll never stop loving you Eli....but if you ever pull a stunt like that one more time... I won't be as forgiving." you say while giving him a serious look.

Hope fulls his eye's while he gives you a ghost of a smile. "it will never happen again, I swear y/n I'll never let no one hurt you, not even myself" he muttered. You sigh and walk closer to him. Delicately cupping his cheeks as you look up into his eyes, you then lean in and kiss his nose. His eyes fluttering closed as he let's a breath escape his lips.

"I love you Eli, I'll always love you and only you" you murmur as a smile tugs at your lips. His eye's open again as he smiles down at you.

"I'll always love you too babe, I'm sorry for being such an asshole...." he looks down as his smile turns to a frown. You make him look up at you by tilting his head up.

"let's put it behind us Eli, there's no point on dwelling in the past when there's a future ahead of us" you say, knowing guilt was eating away at him for what he done. And sure, you was still bothered by what he done... You knew he had alcohol in his system and wasn't thinking straight. And like he said, you knew it was a reflex.... Why hold one mistake on the man?

"okay..." he muttered with a smile, you smiled back and kissed the scar on his lip. He melts in your touch, while you both just stood there.

And as months went by, Eli stayed True to his word. He didn't let anyone hurt you, not even himself. He showed others hawk when you wasn't around, but when you was by his side. He was the shy sweet Eli you had fallen in love with.

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pseudofaux · 3 years

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I'm partially embarrassed to request this hence the anonymity but I couldn't pass up asking for Ikevamp Charles abs body worship? Either or him doing the action to or reader to him. Actually reader granting Charles some sexy under table worship while seated at dinner sounds hot. Faust and Vlad get so much love he gets left behind I feel like. If you don't know his characterization well it's ok. I'll probably write something hot myself when my sexy imagination kicks in. Which oh boy I think it has. Love ya lots Pseu! You're writing is impeccable as always. :)

Ohhhhhhh, this is a really good idea and I think you are right on all counts! Originally I was going to have him seated with someone and open this with the other person (Faust?) asking “Where is she?” (🥵), but I think Mssr. Sanson could reeeeally benefit from some words during worship, so this is just the two of them. Please enjoy! And I hope when you write what you are inspired to that it makes you really happy. Or that it already did!❣️

(Requests are closed, readers, but there are a lot to be filled in May and likely June, too! Feel free to follow along or just check in and enjoy as many as you like. A masterlist will go up when they are all completed.)

The castle’s dining chairs are upholstered with silk, because... well, what else would be in Vlad’s beautiful home? That silk is fitted over very fine, full stuffing, and the arms are carved wood, dark and polished. The waxy scent of the polish gets in Charles-Henri’s nostrils in this place. He doesn’t mind it, but he is surprised how unavoidable it can be, even over her perfume. Even over what she is doing to him.

Which is, carefully and reverently, making him insane.

Her pretty skirt is spread out over her knees and the floor like a tent, the circle of it impeded only by the legs of his chair. And her mouth is on him and murmuring endless love. Her words might be silly if anyone were to write them down, but it’s like she took them right out of the darkest, loneliest places of his brain, and she doesn’t trip over them, so he is under her spell and her lips, and he does not want to get away.

“You’re delicious,” she says, so sweetly he laughs.

“You can’t taste me the way I can taste you,” he reminds her. She just hums like she is at the top of the food chain and fondles his balls like she is on the lowest rung of society. He shivers, not for the first time.

“You are,” she insists, sucking a tiny kiss onto his hip, “Delicious.”

“Whatever you say,” he mumbles, so pleased he is jittery. His soul knows and fears that any moment this attention could be snatched away, and he wants it but he can’t depend on it...

“So smooth,” she whispers, her harmless fingernails scraping down what she can reach of the inside of his legs. She knelt there a few moments ago and opened the front of his trousers like it was nothing, and she has been touching him and mouthing him and speaking to him ever since. Charles doesn’t know why this is happening (Did Vlad order her to do this, as some kind of reward for him?), and he won’t rely on it, but he is enjoying it. The way he bobs beside her cheek is proof enough of that.

Surely she feels it? She is gripping him.

“This part,” she whispers, squeezing him and beginning to tug, release, stroke with a practiced touch, “This is so wonderful. The things you do to me with it. I’m so happy I can do things to you, too.”

His fingers drum on the table like he’s playing a sonata. “You can’t,” he says. It’s weak. He’s weak. “You don’t have the power... to do anything.”

She chuckles from the place in her throat he wants to touch when he comes. And maybe she will let him, since she seems to be pulling all the things he wants out of his head tonight, here in this empty dining room. Even if he couldn’t feel all her kisses-- and he can-- he can hear them.

“It’s perfect. You are perfect, Charles-Henri,” she says. She kisses the tip of him and her lips come away sticky. She gives it right back to him when she mouths all her praises all over again down his length. “Smooth... so handsome... so very strong... delicious.” She breathes in through her nose, tucked down by his groin, and it’s such a deep inhale that it tickles him and makes him feel like she is trying to take him in every way she can. Does the hair above his cock tickle her nose? She doesn’t flinch.

“I like the way you smell,” she says as she sighs out the breath. It’s hot and damp against his already-agitated skin. Dreamily, she adds “But I love the way you feel. Want you in my mouth.”

What can he say to that? He’s not afraid of her, there’s nothing she can even do to him, but what she is doing to him... if she stops, he feels like his mind will break, and not in clean slice but in a terrible rendering with tears and uneven edges. This entire situation is so dangerous, it’s dark and lusty and makes him feel so good he doesn’t feel safe trusting it. But he can play along. He can always play along.

“Take me in your mouth, then,” he says. He wants it to be dry, but his eagerness bleeds out of him like the juice of an overripe squeezed fruit and makes it sound like a challenge, like he’s not just playing along over her head but playing with her. Thankfully, she takes the challenge, her wet mouth opening around him and sliding down like she is determined to play, too.

He puts his head back against the dark, polished wood of the back of the chair and groans at the feel of her on him. Can love exist in a mouth that is not speaking? Can he shove himself into the deepest part of her throat? Has she ever done this before? His mind is all questions and sensation, centered on how she sucks at him as she pulls back.

Her hum is accompanied by a slight sway. It looks like she is dancing, sinuous. Seductive.

Charles slides his hands off the table, smoother than a snake, and puts them in her hair. “Is that all you wanted?” he whispers to her. She shakes her head with a closed-mouth smile. “Then have more,” he hisses, and pulls her close. He doesn’t even touch the seam of her lips because she opens for him so readily, and that thought and her plush tongue make him groan again. He pulls her (and she goes, easily) all the way down, until her body rebels and convulses around him, then he pulls her back. “More?” he asks. “More of that?”

He is not prepared for the way she rasps a needy yes, or for the way his hands have to chase her head as she goes back to her work. When she pulls away her spit clings to him and it is thick with his early seed, a glimmer in the dimness of the room. “I always want more of you,” she promises before she goes right back down. And as she moves her head down his length and pulls off with wet pops and smacks, she keeps talking, keeps saying so many of the things he’s been wanting to hear. Not needing. Only wanting. but he has been wanting.

She swears under her breath, and slurps, and calls him manly. The base of each of her palms finds the front of hips and holds him tight while she moans on him. “I love this,” she tells him. “I love you.”

It shoots through him like a downfall of arrows. He should be cut open but he only shudders and tries to figure out how to urge her on without betraying how badly he wants her to keep going. Shouldn’t she know, isn’t that why she is doing this?

“Wish I could just stay here,” she sighs before taking him wet and deep. She makes some noise that feels like a gargle around him, like his cock is in a mineral spring, and his cum soaks her windpipe and her mouth as she slowly pulls back without a single cough. He would miss it if he did not feel quite so euphoric from all her words. They might be dangerous, but that’s because they were so good.

“Delicious,” she whispers with a wet, white smile. The pink of her tongue is paler under the coat of cream she seems so proud of. He stares, unwilling to blink, as she slowly moves it over her lips. When she is done she hums like she has just had a wonderful meal, though he was the only one at the table with a plate. Even if it was for show.

Her gasp when he hauls her up and throws her onto the pillow of her skirts on the table is really all he needs to live, he thinks. He takes her on the table and keeps his ear right by her mouth and his mouth right by her ear, so he can murmur all the possessive filth she’s risen to his surface like floodwaters. And catch everything she might say, too. Just in case she says anything else as he’s pounding her into the dark polished wood, pushing the scent of wax into her skin.

“You like me,” he chants several times. “Delicious.” Her earlobe has no taste of its own, but it is the most wonderful texture in his delicate bite. Some day soon he’ll give her the holes for several new earrings, he thinks. But for now he’ll fuck into her all the things he’s not going to say, because for now he is just playing along. He can always play along. Or so he tells himself.

#ikevamp charles #ikevamp charles-henri sanson #ikevam charles #ikevamp fanfiction #ikevam fanfiction #ikevamp fanfic #ikevam fanfic #pseu slings #vlad's backup sadists

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aetheternity · 3 years

Text

Hard Pass P5 (Levi x reader)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

Levi hadn't remembered a time since he'd began college in which he'd been alone for several hours with zero interruptions. And yet here he'd been slaving over the hot stove in his room since about 10 am and.. nothing.

The weird peace of not being interrupted by Mike's loud greetings coupled with some girl he'd brought back with him. No Hange to talk his ear off about some nonsense and no Erwin and his inability to use his newest pair of bluetooth headphones. It was as sad as it was beautiful.

He'd been trapped deep within his thoughts for so long that he almost missed the barely audible knock at the door.

"..Levi?" Came a distant and unsure sounding voice.

Y/N..

He set the bowl of beef stew he'd prepared down on the table, untying his apron and setting it to the side before carefully walking to the door and opening it slowly. There Y/N stood. Her face flushed like she'd been standing in the freezing cold too long, her eyes red as she looked to Levi.

"Sorry.. I smelled food and.." She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. "I didn't mean to invite myself."

Levi shook his head. "Come in." He gestured randomly wanting to hit himself in the forehead for his awkwardness but Y/N didn't seem to notice.

Once she'd entered he shut the door behind her, pointing her to the table. "You can have that bowl. It's fresh off the stove." He walked back to the kitchen handing Y/N a spoon from the pack Erwin had given him earlier this morning. He quickly picked out one for himself grabbing a new bowl in the process.

"I-I don't wanna impose.." She tried

Levi frowned as he made himselfa new bowl of stew, "I'm giving it to you, I made too much and Hange and Erwin haven't stopped by all day."

She sat at the table looking dazily at the bowl in front of her. "Thanks Levi.." She muttered, dipping her spoon into the contents with hesitation.

Levi had just as soon fixed himself a new bowl seating himself across from Y/N. Her eyes glistened and she stared into the bowl for almost too long before giving it a taste. Her lips upturning and Levi extinguished a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Levi, this is really good." She gave a polite smile.

Levi's eyes widened and his face started to heat. "Th-thank you.."

When she looked away again his eyes trailed back to her. Her eyes were so puffy, her lips bruised a bit as if she'd been biting them. Should he ask? Could he ask? What the hell had happened to her? He needed to know but..

Levi felt his heart scatter over his rib cage and hit the floor and her eyes landed on him again.

"You haven't touched yours.." She remarked

"I-I.."

She dropped the spoon suddenly, placing both hands on her face. "I'm so sorry Levi.." it was muffled.

As much as he really wanted to say literally anything in this moment to further progress the situation into some kind of revelation about her face nothing came to mind. Well.. except the awkward popping of his lips as he opened and closed his mouth to say absolutely nothing.

"No I mean-" She began again to Levi's own slight comfort. "I just.. came here to get away from Jean.. because he's been, just the worst. And I just hate him right now.. I needed to get away and the first person I thought to come to was you."

Levi must have looked surprised because she was quickly shaking her head so fast. "Please know that I don't plan to use you as a sort of scapegoat or something! No! That's not what I want I just.. you make me-" She giggled and Levi could swear her cheeks grew slightly pinker! Or he was imagining he.. could he be??

"Just.. I'm glad you're here." She shrugged quickly, shoveling a mouthful of beef stew down.

"Y-yeah.. yeah. I am.. what happened? I-I mean if you actually wanna say.."

She shook her head and Levi felt his grip on his spoon get sooooo much tighter. "He's just such a jerk.." She shook her head harder as if she was trying to rid her brain of the thought. "He got all weird last night, started a fight with me in front of Connie and Sasha. Sasha tried to break it up and Connie just sat on the floor with his phone tucked between his feet."

Levi stared into his beef stew wanting so badly to say literally anything helpful but words really were failing him today. He soon opted for nodding his head and biting the tip of his spoon.

"None of us got any sleep last night." She continued "I had to get out of there this morning."

A fight huh? Levi already felt as though he knew exactly what it was about. He pushed his elbows onto the table, seeing the remnants of tears starting to refill Y/N's eyes.

"Sleep here.." Levi tried awkwardly

It got her attention though. Had her looking up from her bowl with confusion spread over her innocent features. "Huh?"

Levi exhaled slowly, putting the words together in his head as best as possible. "You need rest. Sleep in my bed for a couple hours."

Y/N practically choked. "I-I can't.."

"2 hours?? I'll wake you up then.."

She looked to Levi then over to his bed with a contemplative sigh. "I-I'll be in the kitchen otherwise.." Levi muttered as a final push.

Eventually a full smile appeared on her lips. "I can't thank you enough Levi. You're so sweet." She stood and Levi's breath caught in his throat as her arms wrapped around his shoulders and then.. her lips were coming down on top of his head.

He felt as though his skin was melting off when she pulled back. "I promise I won't overstay my welcome though. You can kick me out if you think I am."

"I won't" he thought as he stared at her from his seat.

Her boots hit the floor with a soft thunk soon followed by her sweater inching off beautiful shoulders, down her arms and.. Levi looked away but then his curiosity caught him again and he was watching her fold the item and place it on the edge of the bed.

Just relax

It wasn't like he'd never seen a girl take her clothes off. Though maybe Hange didn't quite fit that bill now that he really thought about it. With a soft exhale he felt the tension from his shoulders slowly give and his mind was back on the cooling beef stew in front of him.

He shifted the beef chunks around before taking a cautious bite. Swallowing it down with ease. He'd always loved making this dish, it reminded him of his mom and he'd always pictured her smile when he ate it. But for whatever reason right now he wasn't even slightly focused on the warm meal.

He heard a loud shift across the room, which was probably the third one in a row. And he looked up to hear his name being called. Her voice was so soft, so tender he felt like he'd misheard.

"Come here." She said with an outstretched hand. "Please?"

Levi stood from his spot at the table, pushing the chair in and heading over to her. When he stood in front of her he could see a barely there smile on her face and she blinked up at him before beckoning for him to sit by her legs.

Despite the part of him that was slightly uneasy over being that close he took the spot, boring deep holes into the smooth hard wood.

A couple seconds passed with neither of them saying a word. Then a minute of pure silence flooded the room with uncomfortable reality.

"I hate myself for thinking this way honestly.." She began and Levi twitched. "But I kinda wish I had never dated Jean."

Levi blinked then stole a glance at her. She was staring back and her fingers were intertwined on her stomach.

"I mean.. uggh he's so sweet. Not you sweet but caring and kind and I love that about him. I love him I just.." She let out a harsh breath, sitting up and to Levi's own shock wrapped both arms around his midsection. "I hate him too." She whispered into Levi's neck but he wasn't even registering the words, more focused on trying to breathe.

"Are you ok with this?" She exhaled into his collar.

Levi's fingers dug into the soft bedding, toes curled in his boots, eyes shut tight. He slowly nodded trying his best not to look the way he felt.

"Nooo ok I don't hate him. I hate things about him." She continued "That's normal right? Everyone hates things about people they love."

"Y-yeah." Levi shifted squeezing his legs closer together.

Y/N didn't seem to notice though as she droned on. "How many things though-"

Her hand was moving over his chest. Whether she knew it or not it was slowly cresting over his stomach. Then back up toward his bashing heartbeat. Her leg unabashedly rubbing almost roughly against his.

"Because I hate his attitude and his possessiveness.. but Levi. He was my first serious relationship I can't imagine my life without him.."

Levi's heart dunked. It felt as though it was flopping its way into his small intestine. He peered over at her face where she was rubbing her chin in the crook of his shoulder.

"Why can't it just be simple?"

Levi exhaled, noting how her eyes fluttered when he did so. The way his breath smoothed over her cheeks. And warm scent of her own breath. "I know.. nothing about stuff like this.." He answered honestly

Her body heat pressed slightly firmer into him. "If you did.. would you be simple?" She muttered, pressing her chin back into his collarbone.

"Maybe.."

Why was she so ok with being this close while Levi was practically unconscious inside? She leaned her head against him like she'd done it so many times before. Stared into his eyes and touched his chest.

Her finger came up and he blinked rapidly as she plucked his hair back away from his face. "Well would you love your girlfriend?"

"Y-yes."

"Would you always respect her boundaries?"

"Yeah."

"Would you cling to her? Whine anytime she even breathes around another guy?"

"I.. It might be hard not to immediately be jealous.. but I'd want her to know I trust her."

If it were possible to drown in someone's eyes Levi was doing it right now. For once he knew that what he was seeing wasn't his imagination, her eyes flicking from his own eyes to his lips and back up again.

"You're partially there then." She replied, completely making eye contact again.

"Are you dating Jean again?" Levi asked before his brain had even caught up. "I know Hange said you two might get back together."

She backed away, flopping backwards on the bed. Though her leg remained nuzzled against his. Every bit of his body was screaming for her warmth to return.

She sat herself up on her elbows. "He acts like we are but we aren't."

"What about that kiss?" If he could stop himself from talking he damn sure would.

"Kiss?"

"O-on the balcony.. near the stairs."

Her hands flew to her face. "You say that? Oh god.." He winced as she spoke. "No, Levi.. I'm not.. I mean listen.. He caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting him to do that."

Levi just nodded along.

"I just wish everything was simple.. I wish being with Jean was like being with-"

The pink in her cheeks was unmistakable now. So so very unmistakable. And Levi's heart was definitely almost out of his chest with just how hard and how fast it was beating.

Suddenly every bit of her warmth was disengaging with him. Her legs coming up to curl on the bed as she shifted into a fetal position. Her arm reaching up to yank a pillow over her head. She let out a harsh laugh that made Levi inch away a little.

"Ok! I'm gonna sleep now!" She continued to giggle and Levi took this opportunity to practically yank himself off the bed, heading back to his abandoned bowl of stew.

Though there was definitely no way he was going to eat it now.

~~~~

A barrage of hard knocks sounded that could definitely only be Hange and Levi yanked the door open to allow her and Erwin to assess his room like they were cops.

"She's in here!" Erwin whisper-yelled pointing towards Y/N still curled up now sleeping peacefully with a blanket Levi had put over her.

"You sly dog!" Hange said a bit too loud.

"Shut up."

"Uh?" Erwin gestured

Levi rolled his eyes. "She came to me talking about Jean." He grunted at the mention. "We talked then she fell asleep in my bed."

"And you didn't.." Hange gestured with her hips quickly getting a smack to the shoulder from Erwin.

"Fucking idiot." Levi said with a sigh. "How did you both find out she was here?"

"Connie and Sasha said they couldn't find her and that Jean drove off hours ago and probably wasn't gonna return till later today."

Levi shouldn't have but a sort of pleasant flutter rose in his chest. He almost let his lips upturn catching it way before Erwin and Hange could see.

"Ok.. but why your bed of all places?" Erwin continued to pry.

"She was really tired from last night."

"Yeah she was." Hange guffawed, gestured again getting yet another slap from Erwin. This time she reached out for her shoulder with a wince.

"It wasn't a fun kind of 'last night' Hange." Erwin remarked "So what about this?"

"What about it?"

"Make your move already." He replied

Levi groaned rolling his eyes. "Her heart might only be set on Jean."

"Says the guy who currently has her in his bed." Hange states with a sigh.

Y/N jerked awake when the sound of more loud knocking erupted at Levi's door. Hange quickly moved before anyone else could opening it for a flustered and sleep deprived looking Connie and Sasha.

"Hey!" Sasha called racing across the room.

Hange reached out for Connie's shoulder. "Where does Jean plan on sleeping tonight when he comes back?"

Connie turned. "In our room. We're not all sharing one room but I doubt Y/N's gonna let us hang out for a while."

Once Connie had left earshot Hange turned to Levi with a gigantic smile.

"Shut up already."

"At this point we might as well say nothing Hange." Erwin shrugged with a shake of his head.

Connie sat on the edge of the bed, leaning on Sasha's shoulder as she spoke. "Why'd you come here? Jean left hours ago you could've just slept in your own bed."

"I didn't feel comfortable sleeping in my bed.." She replied, pulling her legs into her chest.

"Just come back tonight. Knowing Jean he'll go to sleep as soon as he gets back to the lodge." Connie replied

"Has he texted you?" Y/N questioned

"No."

"He's driving and he never texts while he's driving."

Y/N nodded feeling a mild pang in her chest as she leaned back on her palms. She slowly blinked the sleep from her eyes with a tiny yawn. Her eyelids soon fluttering open again instantly making contact with Levi who seemed to relax at her soft gaze. She tilted her head with a little smile in his direction.

"Or, maybe you should stay here." Sasha smirked

Y/N snapped her head towards her best friend. "Huh?!"

"What?" Connie blinked at the two girls. Sasha who was now giggling and Y/N who flopped back against the mattress covering her face with both hands.

~~~~

Day seven

"Aren't you bored?"

"No."

"Cold?"

"Extremely.."

"Then why don't you ski with us instead of reading all those boring books?! Can you even properly turn the pages with gloves on?"

"Please go away.."

Levi huffed as Hange kicked her feet back and forth slightly shaking the bench. The sun was slowly starting to diminish for the day and Levi wanted nothing more than to finish this chapter at least. "I'm just keeping you company.. you look lonelier than usual."

"Isn't Moblit skiing today? On his only off day?"

She stared up at the sky, pondering this for a second "Bye Levi!" She said sprinting off.

Levi breathed a sigh of relief, flipping the pages of his book back to where he'd been reading. Easily deemed more difficult with the wool of his dark red gloves.

"Whatcha reading?" The irritating plop of someone seating themselves next to him made him outwardly grit his teeth and he whipped his head over only to completely lose the malice boiling up toward the surface.

She giggled flipping the book in his hand, careful not to lose the page as she did so. "Don't get me wrong Levi." She began, fiddling with her skis. "I know you love books but don't you wanna go skiing at least once while you're up here?"

Levi flipped the book close shaking his head. "Never done it and I'm cold enough sitting here."

She sighed loudly with a little giggle. "I could always teach you." When Levi didn't respond for a few seconds Y/N placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall." She winked standing and putting her hand out.

Erwin's advice from their first day here quickly flooded his memory. He stared at her hand with slight confusion and she must have picked up on it cause she retracted it.

"I figured you'd take it." She waved absently with a wild shake of her head. "Come on! One hour. I promise I'll leave you to your books if you hate it."

A bit more contemplation and he nodded. He looked to her as he stood. "So.." He tried

"So?"

"I-"

"Skis! You need skis." She replied awkwardly, pressing her gloved hand against the bridge of her nose. "Sorry.." She grumbled in defeat.

As soon as they'd touched the first bit of fresh powder Levi knew he shouldn't have agreed to this. He flopped around in these awful contraptions before hitting the snow right on his ass. While Y/N tried and failed to surpress a giggle.

"Are you ok?" She heaved, putting both her hands out for him.

This time Levi took them brushing the cold off his backside. "Just fine." He grunted

"You're a beginner so it's ok to struggle." She replied "Maybe you should hold on to me.. you know to be safe.."

When Levi took her arm he felt a burst of currents flowing through every inch of him. Almost too happy for such a normal touch. His foot slipped again and he was quickly glad for her hand that came to steady him.

"Just move with me ok. Skis connecting to stop and spread apart to go." His fingers dug into her jacket and she smiled to him. "Don't be scared ok. I'm gonna do this with you."

"Tch, I'm not scared.."

"Oh? Then I'll bet you'll ace this right off the bat and leave me in the dust."

It was safe to say Levi hated this immediately. The skis slid quickly and the hill they were on only propelled it further. He quickly connected the skis stopping just behind Y/N who'd slipped from his grasp and slowed to a halt turning to look back at him.

"One more time ok?"

He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. Cheeks puffed out as he looked at her.

"Please? I'll let you go back to your book after you destroy this hill." She giggled, outstreching her arm.

His gaze softened and he reached a slightly shaky hand out to her. The occasional person raced past them but Y/N kept her gaze on Levi steadily holding his wrist where he was practically jabbing her coat with his fingernails through his gloves.

"That's it." She cooed "You're doing good, not too fast ok."

"Mm." He held her just a little tighter feeling his stomach slowly uncoil.

Without really meaning to he felt the skis slowly start to spread apart and the once really easy, gentle pace quickly became much faster.

"Levi slow down a little.." She warned

He pulled his feet in only to have them slip beneath him at the much quicker speed they were going. He hit the ground hard but didn't stop, dragging Y/N down in his grip. She screamed out Levi's name or so he might have heard but they were practically flying down at this point.

Snow fluttering around them with each tumble and roll. Levi ended up on his back and one of his skis flew off as he grappled around still tumbling with Y/N just behind him. He gasped in air as it flew from his body, coughing and wincing as they continued to fall.

He grunted, reaching out for her with one arm which quickly grabbed her leg to keep her close to him. They hit a snow bank and Levi was quickly recovering his sight just before they both grinded to a halt hitting the bottom of a tree stopping their tumbling.

Y/N was the first to try to sit up instantly crying out. "Ah ah!" She cried "L-Levi.." Came her pained whimpers as she clutched her ankle.

"Your.." He struggled trying his best to properly roll over to her side.

"Levi, I don't think I can get up." She said "You need to go get help.. it's getting dark."

"I can't leave you here.."

"Did you bring your phone?" She tried, blinking over at him.

"No."

"Then you have to go get help while you can still make it."

Levi gritted his teeth but used the tree they were currently resting on to pull his weight up. Helping Y/N to lay her back against the bark. "Which way is it?" He looked down at his feet, wiggling both now skiless shoes around.

When she didn't answer he turned to look at her. Eyes wide as he gazed at her snow covered hair and cheeks. "I-I don't know.."

(Hey Siri, play Ho Hey by The Lumineers)

#levi ackerman #levi imagine #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi attack on titan #levi #levi fanfiction #aot #snk #attack on titan #shinkegi no kyojin #levi x y/n #levi x you

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marsbutterfly · 4 years

Text

The Scientist’s Gamble - Part 1

Summary: "Attention! Commander Erwin has sent me here today with an announcement! In exactly one month an expedition will take place outside the walls!", Moblit pauses for a second, paying close attention to the reactions in front of him. "The goal of this mission will be..."

Note: I would like to thank my amazing wife for editing this fic for me, I know it wasn't easy and I love her very much. She has been nothing but supportive from the very beginning and her help is extremely appreciated as I try to find own my writing style in a whole different language. She's amazing and I'm very lucky to have her in my life!

Next Chapter

AO3 Version! | Wattpad Version!

"Wait... So we're going outside the walls to capture a titan so that Squad Leader Hanji can experiment on it?" someone asks from the back of the room.

"Well... Yes, but it's for the good of humanity," Moblit says while he holds the bridge of his nose. The expression on his face tells you that he did not agree with this, but he is willing to give it a go so long as life inside the walls could take its next step towards the truth. "The Commander has given his OK, so this operation will be moving forward. Now, how she managed to convince him to agree to this is beyond me..." His voice disappears as he walks out of the room, all the while scribbling on his clipboard.

As soon as his silhouette is out of sight, the room starts to fill with murmurs.

"That's such a waste of resources!"

"We should be out there killing titans, not this!"

From your spot in the corner of the room, you begin to write in your journal everything you might need to prepare for the expedition, such as a new training schedule and what arrangements would need to be done.

"Y/N?" says a disembodied voice, startling you a bit and pulling you away from your to-do list. "Y/N? Are you in there?"

You look up to see Eren waving his hand in front of your face, almost failing to catch your attention.

"Oh, I'm sorry," you say, not looking at him, and not really sorry. "What were you saying?"

He laughs. "You really are hopeless. Would you like to come train with us?" He gestures at the Cadet group as they walk out the door.

"Oh, not today," you say, "I need to head back to my room to collect some of my notes and deliver them to my Squad Leader. I wouldn't want our next expedition to be delayed, you know!" Although you try your best to remain serious, the enthusiasm in your voice is undeniable.

He rolls his eyes and allows his lips to curl into a smirk, "We'll catch up with you later then!" he says while walking towards the door and just like that, you're alone in the classroom. Packing your things, you make your way out. You read the notes in your hands as you walk, making sure you only need to make one quick stop before heading toward the lab.

Once in your room, you look underneath every book, paper, and pile of clothes. You try your best to find your notes on titan deterioration, but quickly realize they are nowhere to be found.

Did you not bring them back after the last expedition? No, you remember seeing them just a couple of days ago. Could they be with old reports? No, you just checked. Did someone take them? At that moment, you realize that just may be what happened. After what happened with Annie Leonhardt, you didn't know who you could trust, and as a result, you've been being extremely careful not to misplace your paperwork.

Yet somehow your most important piece of work is missing. Slowly but surely, panic sets in. "What will I tell Squad Leader Hanji? I don't want to disappoint her," you mutter, taking a deep breath. Panicking won't help right now, so you do your best to pull yourself together, and gather all the other papers you need before making your way towards the lab.

You knock on the lab door rather loudly a couple of times.

"Come in!" Your heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice calling from the inside of the room. You open the door slowly, remembering past instances of her dropping glass beakers when startled. Luckily Hanji is just sitting at her desk, writing reports. Likely about the most recent past expedition, probably where she got the idea of capturing yet another titan to serve as her experiment. At least that would give Eren a little bit of a break. He really needs it.

"Squad Leader Hanji, I brought you all the data I've collected about titans from previous expeditions. The most common sizes, our studies on abnormal..." Your hearts speeds up as you notice her looking at you, but you can't bring yourself to face her as you speak again. "I can't seem to find the papers about their deterioration. All the details we've collected seem to be lost. I'm so sorry, and I'll keep looking for it. If I can't find it until tonight, I'll write you a new report from memory, I swear." You can feel her eyes on you, and it gets a little harder to breathe. Your lungs try their best to keep up with the speed of your rambling.

"Well, Y/N," Hanji says, getting closer as she walks towards you. Tears of frustration well in your eyes, and you expect the worst. You worked so hard to become her assistant, to earn this. The thought of it all going wrong would be enough to break you. You're vaguely aware of her rifling through papers on her desk.

"It's alright, dear! I have them right here. You must have forgotten them here last night. I reminded you to grab them but you seemed to be in quite a hurry." Hanji could sense the uneasiness coming from her assistant, her face softening as she pulls you into a hug, and it's desperately what you need at that moment. You breathe a sigh of relief now that you know you didn't mess this up. At least not this time.

You let your mind wander to last night. You had spent hours copying the indiscernible scribble-scratch of Hanji's field notes. You think of how you called her over to translate a particularly messy section, and you think of the way she gently touched your arm before her hand slid along your skin as she reached for the pen. The hairs on your body instantly rose, and combined with the chills going down your spine, you couldn't help the embarrassment that flooded through you. Before she could've said anything, you got up and ran, wishing her a hasty goodnight on your way out.

Your cheeks burn. No wonder you misplaced your papers.

But realization hit you; Hanji has her arms around you in a warm and comforting embrace. She's holding you, cradling you. The heat in your cheeks spread across your entire face, a dark shade of red replacing your usual skin tone. One of the reasons you wanted to be her assistant in the first place was to spend time with her. Your crush on Hanji isn't something new and has never been a secret. Everyone seems to know about it... except Hanji herself.

"Are you all right? Your heart is beating so fast," Hanji says, breaking the silence between you two. She pokes two fingers against your neck to feel the pulse, but you swat her hand away. You quickly pull away while looking in the other direction, hoping she doesn't notice your embarrassment.

"I'm fine, Squad Leader! Do you need my help with anything today?" you say, gathering enough strength to sound like you aren't melting before her eyes.

"Not for now. Over the course of the next few weeks, I'll be mostly filling out paperwork and preparing the lab to receive our new visitor," she beams, and the stars in her paired eyes with the excitement in her voice is more than enough to bring a smile to your face.

Hanji grabs your shoulders. "All I need is for you to study our past discoveries, but mostly prepare yourself for all the new ones we're about to make!" She begins to gently shake you, rocking you back and forth in her excitement. "Make sure to practice your 3D maneuvers as well, I wouldn't want to lose my favorite assistant!"

You feel your blush deepen, and wonder how she doesn't notice.

"Of course, Squad Leader," you say.

During the next four weeks, you spend your days mostly with your friends in the hopes some of their strongest skills rub off on you.

Mikasa teaches you how she handles her blade. You try your best to learn from her, but handling swords isn't your strong suit. But still, there is a noticeable improvement in your form. Thanks to her, your blades can firmly and precisely cut through a titan's nape without any problem.

Eren and Jean argue over who would help you with 3DM air movements until they finally agree that it would be best for both of them to assist you. This plan lasts less than a week until finally after you break up two fistfights and countless arguments, the two of them come to the conclusion that being around each other is worse than a death sentence. You start to practice on your own, but they manage to teach you a few new tricks, like being able to do a backflip before slicing the titan's neck, that way you would be able to move quickly and proceed to another titan in a matter of seconds.

Armin sits with you every day during lunch and dinner, keeping your knowledge on Titans sharp. He shuffles through bundles of cards as well as notebooks full of information. He quizzes you every day and corrects you when you're wrong. He's the most helpful of them all.

Reiner and Bertholdt do their best to train you in hand-to-hand combat. You won't need it, and Annie was better than they are, but they must have sparred with her enough for some of her moves to rub off, and you figure there's no harm in being overly prepared.

Krista teaches you what she knows about how to care for wounds with ingredients you can find in the forest. She shows you how to wrap an injury and how to do it quickly. Nothing new, but she is very good at helping others. Ymir shows up halfway through Krista's splinting demonstration, and you're pretty sure she only stays there so she can play the part of swooning, Injured Scout. Every so often she would let out a long sigh and moan about her fake injuries. "I'm so hurt Krista, please take care of me," she says. "If I survive this injury, please marry me Krista." You don't ask Ymir for help with anything, you know all she really puts effort into is charming Krista.

Sasha and Connie... well, they're certainly a good distraction when you need a break. Sasha tells you her hunting stories, and when she notices you're interested, her stories become much more dramatically performed. She recruits Connie to help her put on a play, and he plays every character in her stories: Sasha herself, the injured animal, even the sound of the wind as it rushes past the trees. They are exceptionally good at making you laugh.

The night before the expedition departs, while you're in your room packing your bags and triple-checking your list making sure everything you might need is in it. Everything seems to be in order. Flare guns, medical supplies, a toothbrush and comb. A sudden knock on your door pulls you away from your thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Y/N, can I come in?" says a familiar voice, and your heart skips. You nearly give yourself whiplash as you turn your head.

"Yes!" you call out, and the door creaks open. Your eyes meet Hanji's, and a familiar feeling overtakes you.

"I haven't seen you in so long. I miss you," she has a gentle smile on her face, and you feel your cheeks reddening as usual. Why must your body do this to you every time she's around? You signal for her to come inside, and Hanji closes the door behind her.

Hanji sits on your bed while reaching for your hand. She takes it and pulls you closer, excitement in her eyes. As soon as you readjust next to her, you impulsively wrap your arms around her shoulders. It takes Hanji by surprise, but she is quick to return the embrace. If only you had the courage to tell her how you feel before you leave tomorrow... but you can't risk clouding her mind with such thoughts. She needs to have a clear head tomorrow, and you need to be there for her no matter what. She may not know how you feel, but you need to remember her like this, just in case. You touch the rough fabric of her jacket, inhale the scent of her hair, feel the cold and hardness of her glasses press against your cheek. You just hold her, needing to feel her like it's the last thing you'd ever do on this Earth.

You wish you could stay forever in her arms, but you manage to pull yourself away after a few seconds. Hanji gives you a soft look. "What was that about?" she asks.

Your face feels so hot you're surprised you don't burst into flames. That familiar feeling takes over your body while your brain processes everything that just happened.

"I missed you too," is all you can say. "So, did you want to tell me something, Hanji?"

Her slight smile disappears. She takes a deep breath, as if the air in her lungs is about to be stolen, "I'm just a little nervous about tomorrow. I thought you might be able to help me calm down, but it seems like I didn't even need to ask," she says, smiling. "Do you feel ready?"

"Yes, I've been practicing to make sure I will not be killed tomorrow!", you say, forming fists with your hands and positioning them on your hips. You're proud of everything you've accomplished with your friends' help during these past few weeks. Hanji starts laughing, and you beam with pride. You hope this is what she needed.

When her laughter subsides, Hanji lets out a contented sigh. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you around," she says.

Your eyes widen, and you get embarrassed again. You can't help but look away. Her soft hand touches your shoulder, "I should get going now. I need to look over some details before we leave in the morning." She squeezes your shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

You nod. "Of course, Squad Leader."

"Our mission, the expedition to capture a Titan, will now commence! Give up your hearts for humanity!" Commander Erwin's voice echoes clearly throughout the scouts as the gate opens fully. While screaming, he signals with his arms and the horses sprint outside the wall in formation. The gate closes behind them with a heavy thunk.

The sky is a beautiful shade of blue, with very few clouds. The cold breeze against your skin brings chills everywhere it touches. There are goosebumps all over your body, but the excitement rushing through your veins is enough to keep you warm for now. You've been preparing yourself for this for the past month and you feel like for once, luck is on your side.

Right next to you rides Hanji. Her laugh rings out louder than dozens of thundering hooves and yelling Scouts. The Commander had asked you to stay by her side at all times, mostly to keep her from getting herself killed, and judging by the twinkle in his eye, you could tell that your affections were noticed even at the highest level of the Scouting Regiment.

As the formation rides out, Hanji takes a moment to meet your eyes, and you smile at her. Today is going to be a win for humanity, you think to yourself.

You could not be more wrong.

#my sunshine #hange x reader #hange zoe x reader #hanji x reader #hanji zoe x reader #fanfiction #my story #snk #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #aot #attack on titan fanfiction #hanji zoe/reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #snk fanfic #aot fanfic #snk fanfiction

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heterochromaticchat · 4 years

Text

Eric Siren (M/M)

Hey guys this is my first story on here, or anywhere really. I would really appreciate it if you could give me some pointers, or suggestions before i post part two. Also any tips for improvement would be very welcome. I hope you all enjoy Eric.

Rating: sfw

Relationship: Male reader X Male siren

Warning: slight injury (twisted ankle)

The cold sea spray was refreshing as you made your way over the boulders that made up the majority of the coastline of Port Barsel. You had fallen in love with the scenic coastal town when you had visited your best friend there last summer. When you got back home you decided to find an apartment there, you were pleasantly surprised to find a cute little studio apartment with a breathtaking view of the ocean, just barely within your price range. So without a second thought you packed up and moved to the town of your dreams. You loved exploring the beaches in your free time, finding tide pools and observing the life inside of them,sometimes you’d pack a lunch and be gone all day. It was on one such excursion that you stumbled across the beautiful little cove. Nestled between two cliffs it was nearly invisible from the beach, with no clear way to get into it. you discovered the little tunnel quite by accident after slipping on some loose stones and diving behind a rather large boulder. When you got up and brushed yourself off you noticed the opening of a small cave and naturally you went inside. The small cave let out into the hidden cove on the other side of the cliff. It was beautiful. The sandy beach leading out into the crystalline turquoise water took your breath away. The next thing that caught your attention was the large boulder jutting out of the lagoon, there seemed to be an easy way to get out to it. You instantly knew you had to have lunch on that boulder in the middle of the hidden cove. So the next weekend you packed a nice lunch and a picnic blanket and went on your way. And that's how you started your weekly getaways to your own private paradise.

You sighed in relief as the boulder hiding the cave came into view, it had been a particularly stressful week at work. One of your co workers had recently quit, leaving you to pick up their hours, meaning you were working double shifts almost every day. The paychecks were great, it almost made up for how exhausted you were at the end of the day. As you made your way along the edge of the beach towards the central boulder you felt all the stress melt from your body, it was a nice warm day and perfect for a boulder picnic. you laid out the blanket and rummaged through the picnic basket you packed, pulling out a bottle of water and a tuna wrap. You munched happily on your lunch and let all your worries fade away.

As you came to you realised it was almost dark, you must've passed out on the warm rock listening to the waves roll into the shore. “I must have been more exhausted than I thought.” you mused aloud, sighing as you realised you would have to make your way back home in the dark. As you started to pack up you took a moment to soak in the picturesque surroundings. The rose colored sky reflected and distorted by the water made the already beautiful cove even more enchanting, like a setting in a fairytale. A loud splash from behind you abruptly pulled you from your daydream. you turned quickly, twisting your ankle in the process and landing on your ass with a rather painful yelp. As you looked up from your now useless ankle, you spotted the source of the splash. A man was hanging on to the side of the boulder staring at you with a shocked expression. “ Are you ok? i'm sorry i didn't know anyone was here.” The man said, his voice full of concern, instantly squashed the anger building up inside. “ I'm fine, I think i just twisted my ankle, you scared me”. “ There's never anyone here, so I didn't think to announce myself, I'm really sorry.” An expression of concern washed across his face. As you stood up hesitantly you got a better look at the man before you, long dark hair hung in wet curls around his face, framing a strong jawline. His olive skin complimented the pale green eyes still staring at you with concern. He looked more like a lumberjack or a bodybuilder than a swimmer, there was something else off about him but you couldn't quite name it.“ like i said im fine its just going to be a pain in the ass getting back home with my ankle”. you hobble over to the man to pick up your picnic basket which was resting just off to the side of him. “ I think we got off on the wrong foot” you say as you bend over to grab the basket. “ it's nice to meet you, my name is…”. You stop suddenly as a flash of deep bluish black scales catches your eye. At first you think its the body of some gigantic fish, but then to your shock and horror you realize it connects to the waist of the man still clinging to the boulder next to you. A shriek escapes your throat as you stumble away from the creature in front of you towards the opposite end of the boulder. “ What the fuck are you” you practically scream at it as fear and adrenaline coarse through your veins like fire. The thing backs away from the boulder floating a few feet away with its hands raised. “I'm not going to hurt you.” The words do little to slow your heart beat. “ I said what are you?” With a deep breath, as if bracing himself for your reaction, he says, “ a siren”. You feel your blood freeze. out of all the things to be stuck in a lagoon with it had to be a siren. “But I'm not going to hurt you” he said as he slowly began swimming back towards the edge of your rock. “If you want me to, I'll stay right here while you make your way to shore, I swear”. You don't know if it was the tone of his voice or the look in his eyes that convinced you, but it was your only chance to get away. “Ok” you say hesitantly while slowly shuffling over to the opposite edge of the boulder. “ But i want you to keep talking so i know if you slip under the minute my back is turned.” He nods smiling “Of course, I really am sorry” As you drop into the waist deep water, You hear him begin to discuss the weather as if talking with a friend. You take that as your que and trudge as quickly as you can to the beach. True to his word he kept on talking even as you reached the other side of the tunnel.

It wasn't until you reached the door to your apartment that you realized you had forgotten your basket, which unfortunately had your keys and phone inside of it. You cursed at yourself as you reached for the spare key hidden behind the statue of a mushroom that sweet miss adler gave you when you moved in. As you flopped into bed you let out a defeated sigh as the adrenaline wore off and your ankle began to throb. You knew you'd have to go back and get your stuff the next day. You rolled over burrowing deep into your blankets, the image of those eyes full of concern is the last thing you think of before sleep overtakes you.

You take a deep breath bracing yourself for whatever may be on the other side of the tunnel. As you walk into the cove you realize with a start that there's someone there, standing on the beach holding a familiar picnic basket. “Oh thank goodness you found my basket. I accidentally left it here last night.” you say walking quickly towards the other person, you were only a few feet away by the time they turned around and a pair of familiar eyes greeted you. “ I was wondering when you'd be back for this.” He laughed, holding out your basket. “We need to talk about last night” You stood there confused rooting you to the spot. “What..how…” you sputter out gesturing at his legs. “ i thought you'd be less frightened of me like this, like i said we need to talk.” He closed the gap between you and handing you your basket. “ If it makes you feel better we can move away from the water.” You grab your basket and nod

#fiction #romance #writers #merman #mermay2020 #siren #monster boyfriend #gay male #male reader #M/M #gay #male monster #exophilia #new writer #please have mercy #please have patience with me

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

Text

Dancing lessons

Barry Berkman x reader

Summary: Barry is finally cast in a feature, the problem? He said he could dance and now he can either disappoint Sally or found a way to learn some steps.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, violence, guns, cheating maybe.

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5 ● Part 6 ● Part 7 ● Part 8 ● Epilogue

Part 2

One week after the first time Barry meet Y/N he was nowhere near learning tango, let alone dancing on the level his stupid resume said he could, he only have ended with horrible pain on his knees, thighs and back. And he hasn't even practice dancing with music yet, apparently his instructor thought he first had to learn one basic step and repeat it a million times before he could start doing the "flashy and presumptuous" step, as she called them, that the director may want.

"You really don't have to worry" Sally said during breakfast, they have an agreement to spend the night at least twice a week in each other apartment but he could tell she rather if he stayed at hers since Jermaine and Nick didn't get along with her. "That girl you say is dancing with you, I just heard from Lindsay that she is totally sleeping with the director so probably the scene is an excuse to show her dancing talent and they will be focusing on her instead of you" She drank the rest of her orange juice and stood up quickly "God is so late" she checked her phone and gave him a kiss on the cheek before taking her purse and keys and rush to the door "I'll see you tonight ok? Good luck!"

"Bye, I love..." And then she was gone. "You" He finished his breakfast and took his own car to the studio where he had to finish filming his scenes.

"Barry you're here, excellent!" Andre said when he arrived, thankfully he was not the star of the film and he didn't have to listen the hundred of notes he had for the leads nor taking all the shit the PAs get from him. "Look" He said pointing at his tablet "Janice is on New York for three more weeks for a Ballet presentation, but she sent this to me, is the perfect choreography for the scene. What do you think?" He showed her a clip of Janice and some professional dancer with a song he didn't knew, probably in Spanish or Italian, dancing incredibly close, with several lifts and spins.

"Great" He said feeling dizzy "Flashy and presumptuous" He add really low.

"What was that?"

"Classy and marvelous, is a modern take on the Argentine style isn't?" He said repeating what Y/N had said to him the day before.

"I have no idea, but hey you are the expert" He gave him a pat on the back. "You can start rehearsing with Janice when she gets back" He didn't like that kind of touching, it reminded him of Fuches and make him feel uneasy.

"Sure, great, hey could you send me that video, you know to study her movements" he tried to sound casual and not frightened as he was.

"Yeah sure" he said and with a hand gesture urged him to move to the set where he got to start shooting.

The minute he was over he drove back to Y/N's studio and saw her giving her class to young girls all dressed as ballerinas, she was wearing a black seetrough dancing skirt over a leotard, and his eyes lingered on her legs a few seconds more than he should mesmerized as he was by the elegance she used to dance.

"Barry you are early" She saluted him with a smile, "Girls say hi to Mr. Block" she said at the mass of pink and white.

"Hi Mr. Block" They cheered.

"I'll be done in a few minutes but this really is a private rehearsal" She pat her lips with one finger thinking "Would you mind waiting upstairs? I mean I would hate for you to drive back home to come back in less than an hour, and the coffee place on this block sucks" She said and the girls start laughing "Don't tell your mothers" She quickly add.

"I don't want to be a burden"

"Oh nonsense, you are not, go upstairs, I have food on the fridge but I wouldn't recommend it since you are dancing later and the WiFi password is written next to the phone" She insisted and he finally accept.

The apartment was just a little bigger than the one he rented with Jermaine and had a nice walls on a blue shade that reminded him of the ocean. And a big window facing directly to the door, so the first thing you see when you entered were the rooftop of other buildings and the hills in the back.

He entered feeling himself as an intruder, but being honest that was a common feeling for him, even if he haven't break in any place in over a year, a very long year, and again the pain of thinking of Fuches maybe lurking around strike him in the chest.

He found a place to sit and after being 5 minutes in complete silence trying to not be alone with his thoughts he took out his laptop to watch the dance again. Next to the landline was a nice picture of Y/N on his wedding dress next to a man that must be her husband with golden letters and numbers written over: JPTLV150813.

Once he was connected he allow himself to look around, the living room was tastefully decorated and there were some framed paintings of wild flowers on the wall in purples and pinks. He glance at their dinner table in the other room next to her kitchen, and while he was still holding he picture his mind start wandering, maybe Sally would like to live with him in a place like that. Full of light and peaceful.

He picture himself waking every morning and walking towards the kitchen to make her breakfast, she getting out of the set exhausted, to get a glass of wine in the living room. Reading lines together in the couch, and falling asleep there watching a movie.

And then since he hadn't sleep wery well and Y/N couch was madly comfortable he fall asleep still holding the picture and suddenly Sally's face start fading away, and Y/N replaced her, in a blue version of the clothes she was wearing earlier, he saw himself dancing with her on the living room, a slow and romantic rhythm, and instead of her husband it was him smiling on the picture next to the phone. She would come upstairs tired from work and he would stop her at the door to give her a passionate kiss... then the sound of a gun going off came from the window and a blood stain start forming in her chest running and she collapsing on his arms, and then it was Sally lifeless body again who he was holding and she whispered before losing her breath You did this and fearful he looked at his own hand holding the gun...

"Barry?" Y/N's voice came from the door, and immediately woke up and shake those horrifying ideas from his mind.

"Here" He call from the couch and was careful enough to not look back and don't picture her covered in blood

"I'm so done, boy I'm glad you came upstairs, Amanda's mother is a pain in the ass, if she have seen you she would have called the cops or something" She said and sit in next of him, she was already wearing the heels she used to practice with him. "What you got there?" She said looking at the screen where the video of Janice was still on.

"Is the dance I'm supposed to do for the movie" He said glad to have something to said and he showed her the clip.

"Well... you are screwed" She said after it was finish and he gave her an imploring look. "I'm kidding, I mean is a monstrosity of showing off, and her technique is not perfect, but I'm pretty sure you can put together something, like Ed Sheeran on Thinking out loud". She said confidently.

"Who?" He asked with no idea of what she meant.

"He is a British singer, we are probably too old to know him, but couples come all the time trying to learn his routine for their wedding" She said, but his face was still puzzled "You are not very familiar with pop culture, for an actor living in L.A. I mean" She stood up and walked towards her kitchen "Do you want anything? I have wine, beer, orange juice?" She called from the other room.

"Beer is fine, and is because I only became an actor recently" He said with some embarrassment in his voice taking the bottleshe offered him "I used to amm... sell auto parts in Cleveland"

"Ohio, that's ... far" she said taking a sip of her drink.

"And before that I was a Marine" He add and she almost spit her beer but did her best to pass it down.

"Oh wow, that's unusual. I would definitely say thank you for your service, but I'm antiwar so what if I gave you a 10 percent off on the lessons and we call it even?" She grin at him

"Don't worry about that, I don't like to make a big deal about it anyway" He said sincerely "Also I'm pretty sure you are wasting your time with me"

"Don't be so harsh on yourself, here look" She took the laptop off his hands and found a video of a ginger man singing a cheezy song about eternal love "See he is not properly dancing, but he act like he is, so first you have to learn how to lead, come on take off your shoes"

"Take them off? Why?" He asked while she got rid off her heels and let her bare feet touch the wooden floor.

"Because, and I mean this with respect" She said standing and looking for a record to put in her old record player until she found one "You are huge, and I'm afraid you would step on me with those shoes" a slow rhythm start playing and he did what she asked and stood barefoot in front of her.

"That doesn't sound like the other songs" Although he like it.

"Because you have to learn to walk before you can run, now, put both of your hands on my hips" She said getting closer to him.

"Like this?" It was funny how without the heels she was way shorter and couldn't completely reach her neck so she settled for put both hands on his shoulders.

"Fine now listen to the music and move" She said moving her body rhythmically "There you go, now move me, lead, right or left, is your choice" She said letting him take small steps and occasionally looking down to watch his feet.

"This is not that bad actually" Barry was actually enjoying himself, then the music start going faster and she took his right hand on hers and pull away from him and he chose to ignore the feeling of lost that caused him.

"Now, the hand on my back has to be steady, and lead, we can spin" She said and taught him how "Or we can walk" She started walking back slowly letting him follow the steps at his own pace. "Is all about who is leading" She gave him a smile and they kept dancing until the music was ending and since he had confidence now he make her spin and catch her on his arm like Janice's partner did on the clip.

"Sorry I always wanted to try that" he said once she was standing next to him.

"It was great, you are getting it, now we can try to improve your actual steps, but we should go downstairs, my husband is about to comeback and he hates having music on when he is working" She put on her shoes again and walked out followed by Barry.

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reddie-to-go · 7 years

Text

I'll Kiss All of Your Wounds Away

So this is another piece written by @princesschelliebelle I’ll start posting my stuff again soon. But in the meantime, I really like the way she writes. there is a trigger warning on this for an attempt at suicide, it’s a little dark but good, keep reading if you’re okay with that.

Richie padded down the stairs only to be smacked in the face with the sour, putrid smell of vomit.

"Fucking great", he mumbled to himself. He walked quicker, hoping to avoid the inevitable.

Richie opened a cabinet and started to rummage around, hoping to find something, anything, to eat that was easy to grab quickly, so he could dart back up the stairs and lock himself away in his room again.

No such luck.

Leaning against the kitchen door frame, half-lidded, and partially covered in her own vomit, was his sad excuse for a mother, Maggie Tozier.

She scowled and gestured at him with the beer bottle in her hand.

"What the fuck are you doing in the cabinets, Richard? I swear, you're going to eat us out of house and home."

Richie gritted his teeth, and tried not to bait her. He knew where it would lead.

Seventeen years of the same crap had taught him that. But he was hungry and tired, and his patience threshold wasn't particularly high at the moment.

"That's so damn hilarious considering I haven't eaten in 2 days, since someone spent the grocery money on booze", Richie spat out, without turning to face her.

Richie could feel the anger radiating off her in the seconds before she spoke.

"What did you say to me, you little shit?"

Richie slammed the cabinet shut, and decided to resort to what he knew best to try to defuse the situation. Sarcasm.

"Nothing, Maggie. I'm just making yet another sly attempt at stealing your best tupperware. Damn, foiled again." He turned on his heel, hoping to make a quick exit.

Just then, Richie heard a loud crack and the sound of glass shattering.

If you blinked, you might have missed it.

Richie pulled his hands to his head, trying to make sense of the searing pain on his scalp.

He ended up on the floor, his back to the kitchen wall.

Suddenly, as he put his hands in front of his face, it processed. Shards of glass.

His mother had chucked the beer bottle at him, and she had more than met her mark

"You selfish, ungrateful little child. You think you're so funny, and you're so smart. Well, you wouldn't have fucking anything if it wasn't for us!", she yelled at him venomously. She seemed entirely unconcerned it the trickle of blood now running down from his hairline to his neck.

His head throbbed, and he looked up at her. Richie could feel his heart pounding, the adrenaline making him quick to speak.

"What do you mean 'us'?! As if you spend your money on anything but alcohol! Shit, we both know that your husband pays for nearly everything!"

She chuckled low and shook her head at him.

"You fucking waste of space. You think you're special, Richard? You're the abortion that should have been! But noooo, your father wanted a family so bad. We had hoped at least we would have a daughter. HA! You were true to character from the start....a God damn disappointment."

Richie wanted to tune her out, he really did.

He really wanted to believe in the old adage "Sticks and Stones". But right now, he felt like melting into the linoleum tile and dissolving away into oblivion.

The drunk grabbed a new bottle of beer and popped the top off on the counter.

She took a long swig and began again as Richie stood to his feet.

"Hmm, it's ironic really. Now even your father regrets you. Why do you think He's away on business 21 days of every month?" She stumbled over to the doorway again, glanced at the glass mess on the floor, and scoffed.

Then she shuffled away to leave Richie alone at last.

Richie ran up the stairs so fast and shut the door so hard that the walls shook.

Richie wasn't about to give that bitch the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

He began to sob so hard that he started to dry heave.

Snot ran down his face and intermingled with the mostly dried blood trail from the slice on his scalp. He haphazardly wiped at his face with his jacket sleeve and buried his face into his pillow to scream.

Richie didn't know how long he stayed in his room with his muffled screams and cries filling the space. Richie swore that time moved at a different pace depending on your mood.

And from years of unwitting practice, Richie decidedly thought time moved at a snail's pace when you were shoulder deep in self-loathing. But according to the clock on his nightstand, it had only been just shy of an hour since he ran up here.

When his tears ceased, he stood up and moved as if he was on autopilot. His face felt stiff, sticky and hot, and his eyes felt swollen.

He walked downstairs and found his mother passed out on the sofa, in front of the television. He stared at her motionless form in disdain. If looks could kill, they say.

He walked to the dining room, seeking out the familiar oak liquor cabinet.

He crouched down, and carefully picked his poison. He picked up a half-full bottle of some type of rum and walked up to his room once more.

"Like mother, like son", he whispered to himself bitterly.

He just wanted to be numb.

Tonight, was the first time he had sunken to her level, so to speak. Richie was not one to 'drown his sorrows' with alcohol.

No, the drunken, sadistic psycho role was already taken in this family.

But tonight, he had reached his tipping point.

He removed the ornate glass top, and started taking sips straight from the bottle, shuttering as it burned its way down his throat.

Richie found himself lost in thought as his whole body warmed with each swallow of rum.

Richie first realized he was depressed at roughly age 14.

He had seen those anti-depressant commercials, talking about how one becomes "lethargic, disinterested, persistently feeling sad and empty".

But "trashmouth" Tozier wasn't one to just lie down and take it.

He tried his best to be happy.

He would try to stay out of the house as often as possible and spend time with the fellow losers as much as he could.

He would crack perverted jokes, clown around, tease and poke fun, but at the end of every day, one thing remained.

He had to go home to that hell hole and feel the weight of the father who doesn't know him and doesn't care.

He had to go home and feel the burn of a mother who despises him.

And then be left alone with his thoughts.

And sometimes, Richie thought his own mind was worst of all.

His home life aside, he also was forced to face two things consistently.

First being that he felt replaceable, and disposable at best.

The losers club, that glorious lucky 7, in his opinion, didn't need Richie to be as perfect as it was.

His friends loved him, he knew that. And god, the feeling was mutual. But even still, the nagging thought remained.

You see, everyone has a role.

There's Beverly, the courage of the group.

Then there is Bill, the unofficial leader.

Then there is Stan who is the reasoning, and Mike is the kindness.

Then comes Ben who is the knowledge.

And of course, there is Eddie Kaspbrak, the nurturer of the pack.

But what was Richie?

The court jester?

A placeholder?

A 'waste of space'?

And he wished his thoughts ended there, but that would be too simple.

Oh, how Richie longed for things to be simple.

When you're life is one big convoluted shit show, the last thing you need are romantic feelings.

Especially not unrequited feelings for your male best friend, without one fucking soul knowing.

There were so many reasons why Richie was so in love with Eddie, but the biggest was Eddie's gigantic heart.

And worse yet, was the realization that Eddie didn't deserve to be stuck with someone as worthless as Richie.

But Richie knew he would never be so lucky to have him feel the same way in the first place.

He couldn't decide which thought hurt worse.

Richie sat on his bed, headphones blasting in his ears.

His vision was fuzzy around the edges, and his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

He rested it back on his headboard and picked at the frayed hole in his jeans.

Why didn't he feel better?

Why wasn't his mind blank?

Richie tried to stand up, and ended up landing hard on his knees.

"Shit....I can't fucking walk right, but I can't shut my mind the fuck up?", Richie mumbled angrily.

He slowly pushed himself up, and shuffled to his desk.

He slid open the drawer and pulled out his pocket knife.

He flipped open the blade and observed how it glinted in the dim bedroom light.

Richie smiled sadly as he ran his finger along the cold, smooth length of the blade and thought to himself, 'Maybe I can just shut my mind up forever some other way.'

Richie’s mind was made up.

He couldn't take one more day, one more hour, one more minute of hating the skin he was in, and everything inside of that shell.

Suddenly, he had the urge to call Eddie.

He grabbed the house phone off the cradle, and went back to his room and locked the door.

He sat on his bed and dialled the number he knew by heart.

Eddies groggy voice came on the line after 3 rings.

Richie sighed into the phone at the familiar voice, before he slurred out "Hello, Eddie Spaghetti. I'm sorry its so late, I woke you up." Eddie didn't skip a beat before saying, "Rich, don't fucking call me that. And are you drunk, dude?" Richie lets out a hiccup as if on cue, and leaned his flushed cheek onto the receiver.

"Maybe. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is I got to talk to you one last time. Because you're most important to me. Did you know that, Eds? God, I hope you know that. Just promise me you'll never change, Eddie."

Eddie broke out into a cold sweat, panic making his heart jolt into overdrive, and he began to yell into the phone, "Richie, what you do you mean 'last time'? What's wrong? Are you OK? RICHIE?!".

Eddies stomach dropped when he heard the deafening silence, a click, and then a dial tone.

Eddie had never pedalled his bike so hard in his life.

He muscles were screaming at him, burning as he furiously pumped his legs to go faster, faster, faster.

He needed to get there in time.

Eddie didn't know what happened, but he wasn't going to wait until it was too late to find out.

He made it there in half the normal amount of time as usual, and ran through the front door without stopping.

He thudded upstairs, panting from exertion and anxiety.

He went to turn the knob on Richie’s door, but it wouldn't budge.

Eddie felt like there was a timer ticking down ominously overhead, and it nauseated him.

He thought quickly.

He ran to the master bedroom and whipped open one of Mr. Toziers drawers.

Eddie knew he was a dentist, and was praying there was some dental tools somewhere, anywhere.

"Yes!", he yelled out loud, grabbing some sharp, surgical steel tools.

He grabbed a handful and darted to his door.

As luck should have it, the first one Eddie shoved in the keyhole popped the lock open, and Eddie tumbled inside, gasping for breath.

Eddie went cold with what he saw.

Richie was on the bed, slumped sideways, whimpering softly, while blood ran out of a cut on his left wrist.

Blood slowly dripped to the carpeting below.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no....Richie! What did you do, Rich? Oh my god, what the fuck did you do?" Eddie cried, as he desperately pressed the blanket to the wound.

Eddie didn't expect Richie to answer, but Richie groaned and swivelled his head towards Eddie, and opened his eyes, trying to focus.

"Eds....Hi. You aren't supposed to be here...You can't be here. Stop...please leave.", Richie said, starting to cry.

Eddie moved the blanket to look at the cut.

It was fairly long and moderately deep.

However, thankfully, Richie didn't seem to know that when suicide was the desired option, cutting lengthwise is deadlier than cutting across.

Richie could have stitches.

Eddie thanked his lucky stars, and started to yell "What were you thinking? Why would you do this, Richie? Why? We love you, I love you!

Why?" Richie scrunched his face up, and looked away.

He just cried and cried, and Eddie leaned forward and leaned onto his chest, listening to his heartbeat. A steady, rhythmic reminder of what Eddie almost lost.

After Richie had managed to catch his breath, he spoke softly "I'm sorry...but.. I'm just a mistake, Eds. I have no purpose...I have no reason to stay. I have no one who loves me. And not just the losers...I mean the real kind. Like, capital "L" love. And the fact is, no one ever will. And I’m tired of being reminded why every day..." he trailed off, his gaze fixed to the wall.

Eddie never thought he would say what he was about to say out loud, but he also never thought that he'd be here with Richie, after his suicide attempt.

After that, nothing seemed as scary to him anymore.

Eddie gingerly grabbed Richie’s hand before beginning, "Rich, this is not the way I ever wanted to do this. In fact, I never thought I would be doing it in general. But if manning up and confessing my feelings to you is what it takes to make you want to stay around today, tomorrow, and the next day...well, I will say it until I'm blue in the face" He paused, and took a deep breath.

Richie turned and looked at him, and furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I love you, Richie. I love you. And fuck, I need you. And yes, in that "capital L" way. Tonight made me realize, I should of said things like this when I had the chance. You are MY purpose.", Eddie admitted I’m a rush, his cheeks blazing while he gripped the bed like a vice.

For a moment, Richie just stared, eyes wide and glossy.

Richie spoke so softly then that Eddie had to strain to hear him.

"Fuck, Eddie. I love you too...and I want to believe that...I really do...But after what happened tonight, I feel like you might say anything to give me 'proof' that this life is worth living".

Eddie bit his lip, and thought.

Proof?

Fine, Eddie would give him proof.

"Do you remember that summer when we were 13, after all that shit went down...the blood pact we made? You know more than anybody I can't stand any kind of germs or bodily fluids. But in that moment, it didn't matter. So I bit the bullet, and I cut my palm and mingled blood with you guys. Because we had something so important to promise and to prove." Richie looked up and nodded.

He looked like he had aged a year all in one night.

Eddie began again, "Well, I will prove what I said to you just now is true, just like 4 years ago." Eddie reached out and picked up Richie’s arm so gently, as if Richie would shatter at any moment.

He looked at the cut, which had stopped bleeding some time ago, but was still fresh and unscabbed.

Slowly, Eddie bent down and pressed his lips to the cut, making a point to linger.

Eddie pushed the raging neurotic thoughts aside, as he wiped the small spot of blood from his lip.

Richie stared, mouth hanging open in shock, but Eddie saw what he was hoping for in his eyes. Trust.

Richie didn't know if it was possible to fit any more adoration for this boy inside of him.

How lucky was he for the chance to love him this much?

Richie hugged Eddie to him hard, knocking the breath out of him.

"I believe you....I believe you.", he whispered into Eddie's ear.

Eddie pulled back and rested his forehead against his. Richie studied the face before him that he knew better than his own.

Too many emotions were trying to crowd into his heart at one time. But above the guilt, shame, and surprise, one shined brighter than the rest. Love. And it was so pure, brilliant, and blinding. It cleared away so much of the dark fog.

Richie found himself thinking that now he knew exactly why he had made it through the torment of that summer 4 years ago. And why tonight had ended the way it did. The 'nurturer' of the lucky 7, nurtured his heart in the special way no one else ever could, or would.

Eddie smiled at Richie, and slowly leaned in and pressed his lips to his. It was chaste, soft, and warm. It spoke volumes to both boys without saying a word.

"I'll kiss all of your wounds away, if you let me, Rich. I promise."

And for the first time in the longest time, Richie allowed himself to believe that.

#it #richie tozier #reddie #reddie fanfic #Eddie kaspbrak

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