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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 22 days

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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that #but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to #play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite #but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head #And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother #and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand #to have empathy for how I must be feeling #I mean it's still all on her #but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy #Every time I was like #In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved #And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking #heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked #and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed #to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was #bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window #I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants #he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it #I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream #the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life #and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it #and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD #so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house #I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back #there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still #this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard

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seokmattchuus · 1 year

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When Matthew tells you he's been a bit stressed with debut preparations, you help him get his mind off of things. With some handcuffs and a torturous, never-ending hand job.

#you know what. maybe i am delulu but the more i listen to this the more i think it sounds like him. oh whale #caption kinda sucks but you get the gist. the one i had before was even worse because brain no worky #it's also almost 6am and i just worked a wink shy of 12 hours so who knows if i'm even in the right headspace to even be editing and postin #i just kinda remembered that it's been a minute since i proposed it and i'm in a fuck-it-we-ball kinda mood #if it's a flop kindly let me know and i will delete in the morning i.e. when i wake up #whenever that'll be #i'm like 82% percent sure it's a flop though #so don't be afraid to tell me if it sucks bc trust me i already know #ayo have i ever rambled this much in my smut post tags? i think i've finally lost it #in my flop era for sure because what is this. what am i doing. why am i the way that i am #def going to bed now #pls don't hate this as much as i think y'all are going to #seok matthew imagines #seok mattew scenarios #seok matthew smut #seok matthew audios #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 smut #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone smut #kpop smut #mine

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svtskneecaps · 11 months

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a list of timestamps, for no reason :)

thesis statement : No, what blue did tonight and what red did the last two nights are not the same.

disclaimer: this is not a judgement of right / wrong, this is a glorified compare and contrast paper.

a TL;DR is available at the top, immediately following the keep reading link (which i hope, for your sake, is still there).

for each vod i have compiled the time stamps first, and then under the heading "notably" have compiled and compared them.

this is the most toxic i will allow myself to be.

TL;DR:

Blue team on Day 4 took 2 seconds from first task claimed to last. Red team on Day 2 took 5 minutes 14 seconds from first task claimed to last, and on Day 3 took 42 seconds.

Blue team on Day 4 was vulnerable in the area for 2 seconds before claiming their last task. Red team on Day 2 was vulnerable in the area for 8 minutes 31 seconds, and on Day 3 was vulnerable for 12 minutes 10 seconds.

The time blue team spent getting situated before logging out in global is not counted in this as being vulnerable because it is not a viable strategy for an entertainer to waste 4 hours of their limited time camping global to ensure no one is logging out.

Red team claimed their first global task on Day 3 with 13 minutes until the server closed. On Day 4, Etoiles and Roier arrived to stop blue team from applying the same strategy with 15 minutes until the server closed.

Blue team's actions on Day 4 did not leave them open to any reasonable retaliation efforts once Tubbo logged out. The moment he logged back in, the tasks were as good as complete. Unless another content creator metagamed, they would not be able to stop him.

Red team's actions on Day 2 and Day 3 did leave them open to retaliation. They were not fast, they often did not have the items they needed crafted in advance and spent time in sight of the global task dome crafting the items. If a team had been waiting for them to try this at the global task dome as Etoiles and Roier did for Blue team, that team could entirely have succeeded in killing them or ruining their plans.

The global tasks on Day 4 were already functionally blue's 4 hours before they were claimed. Even if the disaster hadn't affected global, the way it was supposed to, the only thing left would have been revenge. There was no preventing it once Tubbo logged out.

The global tasks on Day 2 were open to reclamation for an hour after red team claimed them. By Day 3 blue team was aware of red's strategy and had a full 12 minutes (at a predictable time! see below) in which they could have attacked red and stopped them.

What blue and red team did was not the same.

Below are the time stamps I used to get this data and draw these conclusions. I've included links to vods for verification purposes. These links are not future proofed.

November 7th, 2023: Day 4 of Purgatory

TubboLIVE's VOD:

1:47:20 : Tubbo logs out of the server, behind the blue "contracts" NPC. He has 15 minutes 32 seconds of server time remaining.

5:50:23 : It is 3:48:52 am in Tubbo's time zone. Tubbo shows the clock on his screen. There are 11 minutes and 8 seconds until the server closes.

5:50:49 : Tubbo loads in, behind the blue "contracts" NPC. It is 3:49:41 am. This is the first moment the game is visible on his screen. He has 15 minutes 03 seconds of server time remaining.

5:50:50 : Tubbo claims the first of the global tasks.

5:50:51 : Tubbo claims the last of the global tasks. It is 3:49:43 am.

Notably:

Functionally, tubbo was standing behind the blue NPC, invincible, for 4 hours 3 minutes and 3 seconds

There is a 29 second period of server time that I can't account for.

The total time it took for tubbo to claim every global task after loading in is 2 seconds.

The cooldown for every global task before it can be reclaimed is 10 minutes. In this case these ten minutes started at 3:49:42 and 3:49:43 am. The first moment any of these claimed global tasks can be reclaimed is 3:59:42 am, with 18 seconds until the server closes.

Etoiles's VOD:

4:56:08 : With some leniency, this is the first clear view of the blue "contracts" NPC and the spot Tubbo is "standing" shown on Etoiles's stream.

*(the blue NPC comes into view at 4:56:06 but whether Etoiles would have seen Tubbo there is dubious enough that I have opted for a later time stamp)

4:56:12 : Etoiles and Roier enter the global task dome. They are standing directly to the left of the red NPC; on the opposite side as the blue NPC. The spot Tubbo is "standing" is clearly visible on Etoiles's stream. Etoiles has 10 minutes 40 seconds of server time remaining. There are roughly 15 minutes and 30 seconds until the server closes*.

*(Time calculated roughly using Tubbo's log in message; this is not exact)

4:56:17 : Roier is standing in front of the blue "contracts" NPC.

4:58:03 : Without leaving global spawn, Etoiles disconnects to get a buffer on his time limit. Remembering that there is a disaster coming, he immediately re-logs to avoid the combat logging penalty. Roier does not disconnect during this time.

4:58:18 : The first frame of the game is visible after Etoiles relogs. Etoiles has 8 minutes 53 seconds of server time remaining.

4:58:45 : The quicksand disaster starts, affecting global spawn despite admins having informed Etoiles previously that disasters did not affect global spawn.

5:00:08 : The disaster ends.

5:01:17 : Tubbo logs in. There are roughly 10 minutes 11 seconds until the server closes.

Notably:

Roier is standing three blocks away from Tubbo's log-in point (effectively, three blocks away from Tubbo) at 5 minutes before Tubbo logs in.

Were Tubbo logged in, waiting physically at spawn, Etoiles and Roier would have been able to initiate combat 5 minutes and 5 seconds earlier. Both had plenty of time on their server counters to participate in this combat, albeit Etoiles would have been kicked before server close. Roier would not be (source: Slime's vod, 2:45:05 and on. There is no disconnect message for Roier before the server is closed at roughly 2:45:08).

Were Tubbo logged in, waiting physically at spawn when Etoiles and Roier arrived (at roughly 3:44:37 am in Tubbo's time zone, 15 minutes and 23 seconds before the server closed), and had claimed all global missions at that time rather than risk dying in combat, the missions would have been able to be reclaimed at roughly 3:54:37 am, with about 5 minutes and 23 seconds before the server closed. This is 5 minutes and 5 seconds more than the actual time.

November 5th, 2023 : Day 2 of Purgatory

This is the first day red has used this strategy.

Cellbit's VOD:

6:52:27 : Cellbit arrives at the plaza outside the global task dome (Carre is already here; he wasn't streaming so I don't know when he arrived).

6:52:49 : Cellbit enters the global task dome. He backtracks to the right of the global task dome, and sets up a crafting area to craft items for the tasks somewhat out of sight of the dome. He is 96 meters away from the dome.

6:55:34 : Cellbit re-enters the global task dome.

6:55:44 : Cellbit claims the first global task for red team (electrolytes). The cooldown is 10 minutes 41 seconds.

6:55:49 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (radiation medicine).

6:55:55 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (campfires).

6:56:04 : Cellbit leaves the global task dome and sets up a second crafting area to the right of the dome after losing the first. This area is in full view of the dome, and is roughly 61 meters away.

6:57:40 : Cellbit dumps every item in his inventory except for iron and minecarts and a shield into a chest (he is functionally defenseless).

6:58:18 : Cellbit re-enters the global task dome.

6:58:23 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (minecarts).

6:59:12 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (diamonds).

6:59:49 : Cellbit gets his sword out of the chest (he is no longer defenseless).

7:00:58 : Jaiden claims the last global task for red team (rails). The bananas task remains unclaimed.

7:01:01 : ElQuackity is visible outside the dome on Cellbit's stream for the first time. Cellbit chases him.

7:04:34 : Cellbit kills ElQuackity, putting red team in the lead.

7:48:07 : The server closes.

Notably:

Red team is physically present, visible, and murderable / stoppable at the global tasks area for 8 minutes 31 seconds.

Red team takes 5 minutes 14 seconds to claim their global tasks.

The cooldown on these global tasks leaves at minimum 36 minutes 28 seconds to reclaim, maximum 41 minutes 42 seconds to reclaim before server close.

If a team were to have come up to the dome during the 8 minute 31 second period, they would have seen the team and could have attacked or stopped them.

There is a 2 minute 9 second period where Cellbit literally does not have a weapon in his inventory.

If a team were to have come up to the dome while the red team was still crafting the global quest items, they could have attacked and prevented the team from crafting the items and forced them to retreat without claiming those goals.

November 6th, 2023 : Day 3 of Purgatory

This is the second day red has used this strategy.

Cellbit's VOD:

3:39:11 : Cellbit sees Bagi on the bridge to global. There are 24 minutes and 2 seconds until the server closes.

3:39:49 : Cellbit enters the global dome, standing just to the right of where the red NPC is on November 7th.

3:40:24 : Cellbit exits the global dome to craft the water bottles needed for the global task.

3:42:58 : Cellbit crafts the final water bottle needed for the global task.

3:43:28 : Cellbit, Foolish, and Carre re-enter the global dome.

3:44:15 : Cellbit and Carre exit the global dome to inspect Bagi's body. Foolish exits the global dome to use the crafting table.

3:45:36 : Cellbit and Carre re-enter the global dome.

(There's a few more entrances and exits from the dome during the following period, though they stay within the area marked with Bagi's body, the global NPCs, and the crafting table as corners : Never much more than 61 meters away and never out of sight of the dome)

3:49:45 : Cellbit sends the message "hey guys we are about to deliver global tasks you should come!" There are 14 minutes and 18 seconds until the server closes.

3:50:39 : Cellbit claims the first global task for red team (tea leaves). There are 13 minutes and 26 seconds until the server closes.

3:50:59 : Carre claims one global task for red team (gas masks).

3:51:01 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (hot cocoa).

3:51:09 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (water bottles).

3:51:12 : Cellbit claims one global task for red team (backpacks).

3:51:21 : Carre claims the last global task for red team (tea). There are 11 minutes and 52 seconds until the server closes.

4:03:13 : The server closes.

notably:

Red team is physically present, visible, and murderable / stoppable at the global tasks area for 11 minutes and 28 seconds before they turn in any global tasks.

Red team takes 42 seconds to turn in all of their global tasks.

The cooldown on the global tasks leaves at maximum 3 minutes 26 seconds of time to reclaim, and at minimum 1 minute and 52 seconds to reclaim.

If a team were to have come up to the dome during the 11 minute and 28 second period, they would have seen and could have attacked red team.

If a team were to have come up to the dome in the 3 minutes 47 seconds between red team arriving at the global dome and red team crafting all the water bottles for the global task, they would have seen and could have attacked red team.

#qsmp #qsmp neg #qsmp purgatory neg #qsmp purgatory #fandom neg #qsmp fandom neg #qsmp blue team neg #neg #shut up vic #block game brainrot #i'll add tags if anyone thinks of a neg tag i missed i'm trying to be overly courteous as much as possible #i'm also trying to be objective as much as possible #the conclusion of this post isn't a value judgement on right or wrong btw #this is literally just 'did the teams do the same thing' and the conclusion i came to was 'no they didn't lol'#idc whether the strat was valid or scummy or hype or WHATEVER idc just to prove that blue and red did not do the same thing #bc it's going to bug me and i refuse to take that energy to sleep with me #this post is not an excuse to harass a cc in the replies or the reblogs i will chew the aglets off your shoes and hide tuna in your curtain #i may update this if someone has a counter argument i think i should address but that's up to my whims #i may also delete this idk yet #i hate to be mad on main but i'm mad so this is the best i can do without adding too much outright neg to what's already a cesspit tbh #long post #long tags #discourse #qsmp discourse #qsmp purgatory discourse

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sluckythewizard · 5 months

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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary

"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.

Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.

One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.

Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.

The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.

Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?

A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.

But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.

As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.

The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.

Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.

"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.

"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.

But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.

"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.

"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."

Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.

"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?

Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...

"Hey, are you okay?"

The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.

"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.

But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?

The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.

The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.

"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"

"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.

The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.

It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.

Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.

Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"

Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.

"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"

"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.

"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.

"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."

"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.

While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.

"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.

The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.

The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.

A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.

That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.

The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.

Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.

It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.

It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.

Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?

The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.

"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.

Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.

Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.

He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.

Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.

A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.

It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.

Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.

Like a mouse to a snake.

This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.

The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?

Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.

His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.

A STARTLING RINGING;

Splits the moment,

Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,

As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.

Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.

"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"

Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.

Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"

Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.

"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.

Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .

As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.

The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.

"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.

"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."

The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.

"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."

"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.

He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.

#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED #I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh #THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON #but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl #ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway #yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him #what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B #okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or #misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect #LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!

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ghastigiggles · 20 days

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IN THE MOST LIKE. /nm /npa WAY, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS WRONG OR NEGATIVELY

I’ve noticed that you tend to like …. ask us if it’s okay to do certain things? and like, that’s totally fine and acceptable, but … like. this is YOUR blog, it is whatever you want it to be, you can post whatever, and if people don’t like that then they can just ….. idk, unfollow lol?

if you want to keep a following, sure, then you are 100% free to do what makes you believe you will keep it, HOWEVER if you don’t mind, then you can just do what you want, right ?

you’re not here to entertain anybody if you don’t want to. it’s always your choice to make, and you deserve to have it

ah but you misunderstand. my self-worth is directly tied to the validation of whether people recieve my products well or not! /hj

#jibber jabber #not tickles #serious #?#maybe delete later #i sat with this ask for a little while i'm ngl #and like. i'm gonna trauma-fart a little bit in the tags here since i know not as many people look these days #the fun part of having adhd and rejection-sensitive dysphoria is that my emotion and logic is consistently at odds #logically. yes. you're right! i can do whatever i want on my blog!#emotionally. i love the engagement. and if im not making something that people enjoy what's the point #i am a little jester on a stage and making people happy makes me happy #but not everything that makes me happy makes the audience happy #so the dopamine gets halved #if that makes sense #ew. sorry i hate getting real especially here #but i figure a candid ask like this deserves a candid answer #and i appreciate the sentiment! i really do /gen #as an aside i am fully aware that this isn't like. healthy. necessarily.#again. emotions v logic thing. its a constant struggle. sometimes its harder than others #ew ew ew ok no more seriousness i'm so sorry

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spookythesillyfella · 23 days

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What are Sketch and Tracey's favourite activities to do with each other?

this is their favourite – and frankly only – activity

#thanks again for the submission . my beloved #i love you so much mwah #my art #asks #my asks #answered asks #my inbox #dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis sketchbook #dhmis hv sketchbook #dhmis electracey #dhmis hv electracey #phew #alright . now that that's outta the way #vent in tags moment !!!!#im so burnt out omfg i hate this so much #i want to do so many things right this instant because school starts in a week and i KNOW i won't have time for my favourite things anymore #“oh ?? you want to draw ??? animate ??? write ??? no . you get to go to the torture facility for a year instead !! –#– that'll show you for having healthy coping mechanisms and hobbies !!“#and also like it will amplify my paranoid thoughts by tenfold . i can already tell #the worst part is that i can NEVER express my thoughts properly – any time i try to send messages to someone and ask for help . i delete –#– them before they even get read #i can't even bring myself to blog about these outright because i hate the idea of being seen as an individual with thoughts and emotions –#– instead of an entity that just does creative things and feeds people content . i hate being a “person” so i try my hardest not to be that #i wish i was an abstract concept that can always be left up to interpretation by my peers and i mean it #anywhosies . ignore my rant lol #just me being edgy X3

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chibishortdeath · 2 months

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Great googley moogley it’s all going to shit! Every day becomes exponentially more terrifying!

And all perfectly timed to just right at the start of what’s supposed to be my adult life where I get my shit together and be useful and productive!

#we’re cooked #we’re doomed #idk the end is nigh or whatever god damn #I just wanna be able to live in my own house and draw a guy sometimes without the ever present threat of the horrors is that too much #apparently yeah cause houses aren’t achievable anymore but man #m a n #especially if you didn’t/couldn’t go to college and aren’t capable of working most jobs #doesn’t help there’s the chance some part of my existence might be suddenly illegal or extremely dangerous yippie!#the options are literally 1. people die 2. people die what the hell do you even do man #how the fuck is this the election I’m gonna get forced to be a part of we’re living in hell #and nobody around me believes it’ll get bad yay great oh so wonderful #I can’t wait to lose rights and cause millions of deaths regardless of who gets chosen #I think one of these days I’m literally just gonna die of stress #it’ll either be a stroke or a heart attack or cancer or uh well ya know #we’re fucked #we’re screwed #I wanna have some kind of an actually visible break down but ive suppressed everything so much that I don’t outwardly emote much anymore :)#and the constantly dissociating thing too I guess #if you ever think ‘oh yeah I can just think of guy in a situation that’s so cool’ don’t it’s a trap—#although tbh this would be significantly worse without it so uh law of equivalent exchange I guess #fuck fuck fuck anyway #not putting this in the main tags #definitely deleting this later #if anyone in my house got any hints that I may or may not have different opinions than them well uh I’m financially dependent on them so um #literally wouldn’t have anywhere to go if anything happened #oh we’re really in it now Simon #hell world #there’s like what 7 genocides going on too I hate everything I hate everything I hate everything #I can’t do anything to help anyone either cause I don’t have a job and I could get kicked out or treated badly at home for it #not that anyone thinks very highly of me at home anyway I am kinda family disappointment number 2 I pretty sure

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wolfram-but-art · 1 year

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Just recently saw your human Archimedes fellow and he’s such a goofy goober I love it. Do you think the mercs ever taught him any of the dance taunts / he picked up and mannerisms from the mercs?

Can’t be associated with the mercs if you can’t do the kazotsky kick.

rraahahhhH!!!!!! thank you!!! Archie is very much a goober fgysgfe and they most likely would!! at least it seems logical he's learn/see them at one point or another and he definetly picked up the merc's mannerisms (they're mostly verbal mannerisms, such as words in other languages/ sayings (Spy's French cursing, Dell's "darns!" and "dag nubbits!" and even Medic's nervous "aheh"s) he's deffinetly picked up some of Sniper's knife skills and accents from all around the base, seriously he can be talking and you would not be able to tell which accent is the primary one, each word is accented diffferently (Dialectologists hate him!!! see how!!!) he probably (once he's more grown up) also picks up a lot of self soothing behaviours on hs own like playing with his hair (slicking it back, twirling it ect.) or his fethers

anyways here are a few taunts that i liked (including the new Medic one (with his new cosmetic aswell)) no kazotsky kick tho, i found it's too hard for me to draw, sorry

#and yes i know spy's head is too small but i'm draing in whiteboard fox and i cant actually change the size to sorry #we'll just have to ignore it ig #also fun fact someone sent me a hate (anon(coward)) ask regarding the speeding meth ship today #at least i think it was #the ask said something along the lines of “they should be called speed because they're retarded” (their words)#and it was quite strange because i don't know what they meant by that but im assuming it was hatemail #like you know you can filter out the tag if you don't like it you know fysegfyse #i deleted the ask right after reading it but i find it quite funny now #anyways if you're that person reading this. send me another ask coward.#don't hide behind the safety of anonimity. hate me like a man. show your face #anyways #tf2 #tf2 fanart #wolfart asks #human!archimedes #tf2 oc #engineer tf2 #spy tf2 #medic tf2 #doodle dump #tf2 soldier #tf2 headcannons #also i know i souldn't entertain the haters but i think it's too funny to take it seriously #PLEASE send me hate mail. i *will* laugh at you /hj #also i tried diversifying his cloting a little bit and i think it turned out pretty okay #ALSO ALSO LOOK AT ENGIS LEGS OH MY GOD I FINALLY FIGURED OUT FOR TO DRAW SPREAD OUT LEGS HOLY GOD #i haven't drawn i a cuple days god it feels great to draw something again #also i really like Archie's shorts. they're cute :3 #sorry for long tags btw. i don't really do text posts

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fragmentedblade · 9 months

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Ratio isn't just socratic nor is his method just socratic. There's a lot of sophist too, with how he is paid and the Genius Society looks down on that.

#I think there's a bit of that playing there too in his concept character-wise #although yeah obviously the socratic method and arguably in general platonism are more present #With the mention and even use of maieutics‚ reductio ad absurdum‚ and the way we argue and dialogue with him to reach conclusions #The way the story with him is played by arguing with him first and then working together to reach conclusions #is so platonic-dialogue-structured‚ especially with the use of memory #Knowledge as something already in us but forgotten that we can get to if pressed with the right questions and perspectives #Very good #I'll stop before I go on about this even further. I was writing more tags than I should. I'll just delete them and stay quiet but. Yeah #I do love this man a lot #And I hate that I do xD I can't believe I'm so easy #I talk too much #Dr. Ratio #Ratio #Traces #Sorry if this appears in the tag I want to keep this idea for later on. Ignore me

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wyverncult · 1 year

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☝️ WHO ELSE loves this guy :)

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dyketubbo · 7 months

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ik normally we talk about situations like what shubble opened up about, we wanted to take time to think through everything especially because of how upsetting the topic is to us personally. as of now, we do agree that signs point to wilbur so we wont support him and we encourage others to not support him during this time and especially not actively defend him.

but we dont want to make a big deal out of not supporting him so focus can be on shubble and people learning how to see signs of abuse. we're already not very active due to our own recent experience with a traumatizing friendship (we hesitate to really call it abuse yet) but regarding that experience and others weve had we can focus on another big part of shubbles stream: educating others about the signs of abuse. so we want to use the rest of this post to talk about that

abusers will be everywhere and anywhere. yes there will be more in this community, but youll find them no matter where you go and there will be abusers in your personal life as well, whether you end up being abused or someone you know does. theres abusers who are "obvious", who scream and yell and hit. and theres abusers who are charismatic, who will be supportive and funny and yet passive aggressive and backstabbing. and theres abusers who will be quiet and cold and manipulative. and theres abusers who fall into multiple "categories" because theyre complex people just like anyone else and thats why abuse can happen to everyone. because abusers can be anyone.

dont get yourself caught up in how "theyre such a good person", dont get yourself caught up in thinking abuse could never happen to you. if you find yourself in a situation where communication doesnt work, where the other person hurts you over and over and doesnt show signs of getting better, where you keep finding ways to blame yourself and defend them (especially if you find yourself thinking that you deserve how they treat you), where youre scared of them and how theyd react if you told them so, where when you tell them you dont like how they treat you they dismiss you and start treating you worse, look into how to get out of there.

and know that it will take a while. that abuse is hard to get away from. that sometimes youll be trapped for a long time and sometimes youll relapse and defend them even after youve realized theyre abusive. and there will be people who support your abuser over you and people who will hate you and believe your abuser over you. and there will be people who support you but will still support your abuser too for whatever reason. and there will be people who support you fullheartedly and care for you and help you even if it takes you a long time to find them.

abuse is complex. "good people" can be abusive. no matter the fandom, no matter the community, no matter the when who where how why there will always be abusers around. no matter where you go or who you talk to there will always be some case of abuse. the important thing is to educate yourself.

learn about tactics like DARVO (deny, attack, reverse [the roles of] victim and offender), keep notes of the hotlines and organizations about abuse. keep the discussion of how to spot abuse and support the victims open. and always, always, keep more affection in your heart for victims than you do hate for abusers. make yourself someone who can be confided in and trusted to not take advantage of that trust.

and remember: if youre a victim yourself, its okay if you didnt do everything "right". its okay if your feelings keep changing, its okay if you were an asshole victim, its okay if you didnt see the signs even when others pointed them out to you, its okay if you did things "wrong". abuse is hard to sort through and what matters is not whether you "provoked" them, its that they had the power to hurt you and get away with it and they used it, over and over. and thats horrible and what you deserve is to get out and to be able to speak about it without getting hurt for it.

if shubble's story and others like hers resonate with you, tell people. it doesnt have to be public. in most cases it shouldnt be. tell people who you can trust in private and get the support you need so that when youre able and ready to you can get out. and know that there are people like you and even if you feel alone right now you wont be forever

#all the peace and care to shubble. we saw the vod seems to be deleted and we hope shes doing okay right now #critter calls #mostly pres but not just me sooo overall system tag #would say sorry for the long post but we arent really sorry. its an important topic #for the record we dont support how far some people have gone with speculation #we saw people on twt making full fucking timelines and sharing screenshots of shubbles deleted reddit post #dont fucking do that. all the information shubble could share on the matter was in the stream #dont pry any more into their life more than they shared #we have the information we need to know that it was likely wilbur but thats all. and if shubble says that she isnt saying names for-#-reasons outside of just not wanting to then.. i dont think its good or safe for her for people to keep prying #we dont even like the speculation that brought us to believing its wilbur #not because we believe wilbur couldnt do something like this (anyone could) but because #we know we would hate people prying into our life to find out the details about our abuse

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