#i talk shit because these people and their actions genuinely bother me and i wish they didnt have a platform !

[bigothteddies]

I talk a lot of fucking crap but I do have a little black book filled with everything I’ve been told about the tumblr doms on here and all the fucked up shit they’ve done. Creators talk to each other. The friendships aren’t just for show. I’m not saying I have “dirt” on anyone or that I’m friends with everyone and have heard everything or that what I’ve been told is even accurate. What I am saying is I have a good fucking reason to be so spiteful towards a lot of doms on this site, both for things they’ve personally done to people I know and for the long and storied cycle of popular doms on here being outted as abusers and groomers after they’ve been found out.

[thetransguard]

okay i knew it was coming but its kind of killing me how obtuse people are being towards toshiro (im not fucking calling him shuro and honestly yall should stop with that too). should he have told laios how he really felt about him, sure, yeah, but im going to go off on a limb here and suggest maybe! maybe! he's been raised in an environment where it's actually like legitimately unheard of and taboo to be very open and straight forward about his feelings. the entire party has been calling him by a name that literally isnt even his own because he is so used to quashing down his own reactions to others. like i think other poc diaspora dunmeshi fans might agree with me here but he just reads like someone whos not bothered enough to correct every microaggression thrown his way. because that shit is exhausting. and after like five hours of laios bugging him about stories of his homeland why would he have a good opinion of him. genuinely. im not saying laios is entirely at fault but neither is toshiro. i love laios too but it is Very Weird that toshiro gets the brunt of their friendship's falling out (ill circle back to this)

also to preface this i am a farcille shipper so im. not pushing for falin/toshiro. but people acting like his affection for falin is somehow not relevant or he has no devotion to falin at all is CRAZY. immediately after being teleported out he threw himself back into that dungeon and didnt eat or sleep properly to rescue her. we literally watch him collapse from it. after multiple episodes emphasizing the importance of nutrition and caring for yourself and your take away from a man willing to toss that away is that he just. doesn't care for falin? why is he in the dungeon then? answer. quickly. granted he's not as onboard with the whole black magic thing but his concerns are literally valid and before we see falin chimera he seems to have been talked down from reporting them all for it. its the proof of his concerns of the use of black magic that he decides to go up and report them at all. his bond with falin isn't nearly as strong as marcille's bond but its also not nothing. ignoring that or minimising his own sacrifices is such a nasty bad faith disservice to his character.

speaking of bonds. toshiro doesn't hate laios. guys. his last act this episode was to give laios and the rest of the party (yes, even black magic user marcille) a way out of the hole that they'd already dug for themselves. fleeing to the east and leaving falin to the elves isnt the best case scenario but it is one that lets the majority of the party survive whatever's coming. its the realistic play. is this the act of a man who hates his former colleagues? is he wishing harm and further misfortune on them? his actions speak for themselves. you guys are being way too hard on toshiro and its really fucking telling. this goes for white viewers especially

[archivalofsins]

It's that unbothered feeling of no concern for others that Mikoto and Yuno can only give. One blatantly dismissing it while the other behaves in a way that denotes care and consideration only because that's what's most appropriate to the environment they wish to advance in.

Today's timeline interaction really brought back to mind a conversation Yuno and Mikoto had earlier on. Because Yuno's birthday conversation really highlights and follows up on this previous conversation well.

20/07/08

Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though.

Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too.

Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes.

Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like, if I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

"I don't smile unless I actually want to."

Umbilical

"I can't smile well anymore; it's because of you."

Tear Drop

"Let's just do it, please smile?"

"If I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?"

MeMe

"If I could end, if I could stop- How long would this dream go on?"

"If I could break it, if I could change- Can I do it; I wonder from when I started to give up?"

Voice line from the second trial teaser movie

Mikoto: [scream] You’re all fucking annoying! I’ll beat you all to death, pieces of shit!!!

*what follows may not be completely accurate since it's just my interpretation of this translation.*

23/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Kazui: You've been helping Shidou-kun, right? That's a bit surprising. You didn't seem to be the type to concern yourself with others.

Yuno: Hmm, what's this all of a sudden? It's not like you're wrong, I'm not really that interested in people. Under other circumstances I wouldn't even bother- But if someone is about to die in front of me, I'll help out. That's just normal, isn't it? Don't you view it that way too, Kazui-san? Despite helping too, you don't really seem invested on a fundamental level either.

Kazui: …Maybe. I'm not as sharp as Kashiki-chan. I was brought up in a world that was all about physical strength. So, I've never even thought about things like that.

Yuno: Haha, we're both liars, aren't we? The only difference between us is our reasons for lying. You lie to protect yourself, because you're important in your own eyes. For me, no one is particularly important- Even myself.

Both of their focus on how the way they behave is normal despite how emotionally uninvested in the action they are or if it directly contradicts their genuine feelings- Is just so interesting, and I think it should be highlighted more.

[aro-aizawa]

genuinely wish that people truly understood the severity of memory issues, especially when the person is neurodivergent because oh boy is it so scary and annoying and frustrating. i want to grab everyone i meet by the shoulders and specifically emphasize just how bad my memory is effected by two different issues (depression & adhd)

like i'll have had a passing thought about something, and like ten minutes later i'm like "did i do that or did i just want to do that?" like i have a ton of unconscious actions that i have to hold back a lot for example.

a very specific example is that when i read fanfiction if a character is expressing an intense emotion i'll usually replicate it myself. like if a character feel visceral disgust my body kind of replicates it as much as it can so my body will tense and shudder and i'll screw up my face. obviously this makes reading in public a risky move. because with my adhd if i want to process a story i have to focus on it 100%, and so i'll lose track of my surroundings and/or things i need to keep in mind so it's a struggle to remember i need to not do that in public.

but that's not even the peak of my issues w my memory issues because i'll have an added layer of whether i emulated what a character did if they yelled or made a loud noise because i suddenly have a weird feeling in my throat as if i did. but i have no memory of actually doing it, or whether i thought about doing it. who knows maybe my body is just doing the emulating thing and making it feel like i'd feel after yelling?? who knows!! definitely not me!!!!

and its so scary to have those moments of "i can't remember if i did that". it's like walking up a high staircase and missing a step, hitting the stairs if you didn't catch yourself in time. it's all the unconscious things that you do without thinking and having a complete blank on whether you did it or not.

it's having conversations with people when your brain is too tired and at the end of it you either have forgotten everything you talked about with them, or you have a memory that's so questionable you wonder if you made it up or not. thus having to repeat the whole conversation again. and because this isn't just a rare occasion that it happens either, you will irritate people with it. no matter how many times it happens, and no matter how much the other person tries to understand it will be irritating a lot of the time.

i feel like i have to wear a body cam 24/7 so that i can have a record of my life that doesn't rely on my memory that has enough holes in it you can use it to drain pasta. i want to have full recollection of my actions without having to backtrack like an hour to make sure that i actually did something or if i imagined myself doing it. i want everyone to understand that while my memory issues are inconvenient or annoying to you, they are terrifying and infuriating to me.

no i don't use "i forgot" as an excuse. i try to do everything i can to not use that phrase except for when i actually forget something but no one fucking notices because my memory is so shit that i say it so much. and people brush it off because that's the generic "i don't want to explain why i didn't do x so i'll just give a halfhearted excuse".

and the thing that bothers me the most is that it's never going to go away. sure maybe i'll find ways to deal with it as i get older and i work with trained professionals, but i'll never be able to manage it perfectly so it's not even there. i'll always have to deal with this terrifying aspect and i'll always have to deal with people brushing off my terror as me "being lazy and making excuses".

[ihatepeoplesomuchuwu]

I do not have the energy or care to spend any more thoughts about the CK situation but there's something that has been bothering me. I wish to start off that I do not support Tom, I haven't supported him for quite awhile before this happened because of other actions he did. However, even though I do not like Tom, I do not approve of people sending him death threats and causing him to leave. Do I think some of the things he said were shitty? Absolutely! Especially the stuff about racism and his hispanic/latinx ocs that are walking stereotypes! Do I think people should have gone to the extent they did to harass him? Fuck no. Goodness, we are a community, for the most part, of adults. Start acting like it, and if it truly bothered you so bad then just block his account and tags (when he was here)

As a POC, it's really bothered me that people have glossed over the things like how uncomfortable his only two hispanic/latinx character's were very fetishy and becoming insulting stereotypes but at the end of the day what can I do? Oh right, move on from it because there are other important daily life things to worry about than random people on the internet that have no direct contact to me and don't interfere with my real world life. Does it suck? Yes. Should I spend every waking breath breathing into my mic raging? No. I just can't fantom this behavior from either side, this isn't pointed at one side by the way, its at both because I quite frankly think people on both sides are acting ridiculously to internet drama we should be moving on from/shouldn't have let it come to this. That's all, I'm quite frankly tired of it because it does suck but it's a tumblr fandom, I have to keep reminding myself it's always been like this since joining this website 9 years ago it'll end up falling into the toxic internet culture bag. By the way, congrats on figuring yourself out with genderfluidity!

Anon...... I love you, take this ✨️👑✨️

In all seriousness, I have a high HIGH respect for you, and thank you for taking the time to do this. I completely agree and understand where you are coming from! I still stand by saying that this all should have just been handled privately, not just from the person who made the post but Tom as well. Like you said, we are all adults here, and this was all just the wrong way to handle this situation. We are all adults and this is one of those times that should have been handled privately first instead of out in the open where some people didn't even take the time to read the posts from both sides and just took the chance to threaten and harrass the opposite side. (Idc if you agree or not with someone, harassment is never okay and I'm sorry if you dealt with any of that anon) It's going too far at this point and just tiring to see both sides threaten one another over this. This happens. It's life, and people move on. As someone that I have talked to on here said, people mess up and make bad decisions. It happens and it's life. If you aren't happy or comfortable, then no one is stopping you from leaving. Your comfort is a top priority, and it's the internet. If you don't like something, then block or leave it. You, my dear anon, have said it so well that I don't even know what to add! UwU

As for the racism part of Tom's post(s), that was one of the things I did not agree on. I didn't take it personally(I am a white as fuck irish person who has only heard the "Lol alcoholic potato" jokes)and I can't even imagine how some people felt. I feel like I have no place to comment on it because I don't want to act like I know how it feels. It wasn't okay, in my opinion, and besides saying that I didn't agree with that, and it was upsetting to read. I wish I could add more, but you seriously said it a lot better! TwT

(I genuinely wish I could add more, but holy shit did you make such a beautiful and inspiring post, Anon! ^^ Thank you for taking the time to send me this, and I hope you have a wonderful stay here, we love and appreciate everyone here, my friend, SO YOU BETTER ACCEPT IT!!! ❤️ >:0)

(P.s. Thank you so much!!! Also, you dropped this ✨️👑✨️)

[grumpyoldsnake]

Liveblog: Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski

Context: I caught bits and pieces of several scattered episodes of the Netflix Witcher series while at my parent’s place, and have had my curiosity piqued! I’ve already read The Last Wish since then; you can find my thoughts here.

I'm posting my thoughts about this book short story by short story. Part one is here!

Disclaimer: Names might be misspelled, and most quotes will be paraphrased. I’m reading via audiobook at work.

.

A Shard of Ice

I do really like that more often than not, fights aren’t perfectly easy or clean for Geralt. They take effort!

Goodness he is very upset with the muck, isn’t he. Poor guy.

Oh hey we’re back with Yennefer. I wonder if this is post-dragon incident or prior to the falling out that had her upset during the dragon incident? (There’s no particular indication that we’re jumping back in time, but then. There doesn’t often seem to be, with these stories. 😂)

Definitely post-dragon

Damn this guy--Istredd?--is a jerk

Ohh okay hey. This whole ‘witchers don’t have feelings’ thing is something I’d been wondering about, actually! I've wondered where it came from and whether or not it was just straight up fanon.

So let's talk about it!

Andrjez was very careful to thoroughly debunk this in the narrative well before letting the mage say this shit and before letting Geralt get all tangled up about it. I feel like that's pretty clear and intentional?

Pretty sure most of Geralt echoing the mage’s words is pure, dripping bitterness and sarcasm.

Like seriously we just followed Geralt being anxious and grumpy all morning, we just saw him being upset by people’s comments, we’ve seen him glad for a friendly face in the previous story, we’ve seen him genuinely desperate to help Jaskier, we’ve seen him lonely and regretful and longing to talk to someone, we just saw him genuinely disgusted by his work…

.

Actually yeah. Fuck. Let’s talk about that disgust specifically!

Because it actively stood out to me on its own merits just in that first scene as seeming like a strong reaction, and now… now it seems like it’s the one claim that Geralt maybe does believe to at least some degree, is echoing more genuinely.

And. Look. Completely different scenario, reversed direction, but… I can’t help but think of many unrealized ace-spec folk’s experiences, looking around at allo society and allo people’s actions and thinking, ‘Holy hell, surely they’re all just… exaggerating? Playing it up? Does no one have any self control?’

Because we genuinely don’t share and can’t imagine that intensity of feeling on that particular subject.

But no! Attraction is a real thing that people do genuinely feel, and quite strongly. Even if I just have to take their word for it.

And some people do have self control despite those feelings, and some people don’t.

And. I can’t help but think of that now, that type of disconnect in communication and experiences; the conclusions you draw based on what you see and how people act vs. what you feel.

Geralt sees his actions—his work, slogging through the muck despite his disgust—and he hears people express their disgust and their unwillingness to do the same, to the point where they declare he must not feel the same as them if he’s able to do the work… and maybe he believes them, on that front, to at least some degree. He believes that the disgust they feel must be so much stronger than his.

(Spoiler: I don’t think it is.)

(Disclaimer/context: I think that I do genuinely have a somewhat muted disgust reaction, or at least that I am not as disgusted by certain things as other folk are. There are things I’m willing to clean or approach and that genuinely don’t bother me all that much, but that send other folk away gagging.)

(Which is why Geralt’s reaction in the first scene struck me so strongly — my hindbrain went, ‘it’s just some trash and decay…? If you’ve already decided to commit, if you’ve had a few moments to desensitize, why is it still bothering you so much?’)

(Admittedly I’ve never literally submerged myself in that sort of thing but like. I’ve watched Dirty Jobs. People do!)

(Also admittedly I literally run away with my heart in my throat from people vomiting. The joys of phobias. 😂)

(Extra grumping: If it isn’t clear, I’m also obviously of the firm belief that some people feeling some things more or less strongly than others—or not at all—is a completely normal thing!)

(And that telling people what they do and don’t feel is an exercise in futility and misjudgment.)

.

BACK ON TOPIC

Huh. Interesting how averse Yennefer is to the word mutant.

I don't... much like the shard of ice metaphor? Or don't get it? Or...

Okay so look, at this point it's probably pretty clear that I do not often connect with or even clearly understand more... idk. Flowery? Indirect? Ways of presenting things.

That's a personal taste thing and a personal reading comprehension thing and I can admit that, hah.

I’m also not even certain that I’m putting it right because like. The Broken Earth Trilogy? FUCKING GORGEOUS, one of my all time favorites, and goodness if its narration and storytelling isn’t complex and confusing in some ways.

It has been too long since I first drafted these notes, and I read this last part of things without much time to write, so:

Asshole

^ I no longer know what that note was reacting to. xD

Fucking hell girl quarrels

^ This can be just a general complaint on its own I think, hah.

So look it's just. Like. Yennefer obviously has some poly leanings, but this is not a poly *situation,* and I'm not sure how to talk about it, but. I have. Feelings? Mixed feelings.

Oh! Hey! Hey!

This is very sad but I am finally confident in one (1) instance of guessing what the unspoken thing was. They aren't able to say to one another whether they love one another.

Glad I can pick up on it when it's *this* blatant at least :'D

And it's... character wise, this is honestly pretty interesting? I just. These two are so... *fractured,* they're both so doubtful that they can feel or be anything positive to one another or to themselves, and that very doubt is itself creating some of what they're afraid of, and it's.

Yeah. Interesting.

.

There's that story! I might need to reread this one in print, give it some closer attention without wandering off into my own musings, hah.

I really liked some things in it; I obviously liked some of the worldbuilding & character *info*.

I just didn't much like -- idk, the tone? All that much. And I still have issues with how Sapkowski handles women and romance and Yennefer's motivations. :')

[crazylil-lion]

Something that bothers me about getting diagnosed with bpd is how everyone leaves.

So many people post toxic ill-informed options about people with bpd without ever taking a second to understand.

They call us demons, evil, manipulators when statistically we are MORE likely to be manipulated and gaslit because of our emotions and never having a sense of self.

The shame and guilt we feel is CRUSHING for every action we do and people use that to break us down into taking their emotional and mental abuse because we feel either we deserve it or we idolize our partner and are unable to see the problems.

Because our emotions can flip in seconds multiple times a day people call us dramatic. They don't understand why we ask if they hate us or if we are awful multiple times because they don't know what its like to have these intense mood swings and the guilt and abandonment issues that PHYSICALLY hurt.

So we are seen as manipulative because of emotions they don't understand. Yes some people can act out on their rage if they aren't constantly aware of their emotions.

Just because we break down and cry over something you consider meaningless doesn't mean our emotions aren't valid. Doesn't mean we are just overreacting we are in actual distress. We genuinely feel that extreme of an emotion and when people start slapping labels such as overreacting and being childish or too emotional or even manipulative because of those emotions it makes everyone 100x worse.

When you invalidate someone with bpd you make us feel broken. Personally the shame and guilt after splitting even if I internalize it and don't act out towards anyone is so strong all I want to do is self harm. I feel I deserve it because of these intense emotions I know I shouldn't feel over something small.

The truth is we get gaslit so easily because we have no emotional permanence. So we feel one feeling say extremely depressed thats all it is thats all its ever been then within seconds multiple times a day we switch to a new feeling or just out right numb.

I just wish people realized we aren't a demon we are struggling daily with this mental illness that is literally a huge part of your life no matter the therapy and medication yes they help sooooo much by helping you recognize triggers and helping talk yourself through the emotions to handle your episodes but we still feel them. Its logically arguing against something illogical as emotions constantly.

Questioning who you are because most have no sense of self or a personality

We pick up pieces from people that are close we mirror those around us because personally I genuinely don't know a thing.

Everything is empty and pointless

But if my partner enjoys something I normally see their prospective and blend with their personality and enjoy it too.

Yes I have a few likes. Xbox femdom and romantic movies. Thats it I literally don't give a shit about anything else. Idk what I like myself to look like because I don't even feel connected to my body 90% of the time.

I feel so fucking unlovable all because people avoid you if you have bpd like you are a demon set on destroying the world.

There are plenty of people that do it without a personality disorder its extremely fucked up and albeist to group us all into this category of evil when everyone is different.

[albedostartarus]

Ok no this is gonna sound cheesy as hell but. Im unattractive by every conventional way and it bothered me a bit when I was little right which is. Fine. I remember actively putting on more powder on my face when going to school hoping it’d cover up some of the spots and shit(it didn’t I just looked fucking stupid).

In 11-12 grade which was during the pandemic I got a BIT more confident bc of the hair, the long hair helped. But I HATED how I was fat as fuck with the double chin and the horrible skin (which is a consequence of my own actions)

Cut to college and just. Man, I’d worked out a decent bit before college so I’d lost a bit of weight but I wasn’t quite there yet. That combined w my sudden change in schedule, the overwhelming amount of sudden unhealthy food l gained back the weight, I got dark circles, my schedules were all over the place (are) (worse)

It didn’t help that my friends here are like. Z. Mk. They’re like. The Standard. Plus parsons kids IN GENERAL dress rlly well and are well kept. So Yknow. Everytime I go out or am on campus I get that way too familiar feeling of being stared at like everyone’s looking and laughing behind my back I know it sounds cringe asf but man it it’s not fun. And like. On top of that,

I’m just. Not Capable of socialising. I can’t talk to people I can’t make friends like that— I sometimes wish we had a mini pandemic again because the pandemic helped me SO MUCH with finding friends I made more friends in like 6 months of pandemic than I did E V E R and now that they knew I was fun I could hang out w them and they’d not mind the bad social skills much bc they knew me from online.

I wake up and I look in the mirror and like. The reflection PHYSICALLY disgusts me I don’t WANT to look at myself— I actively avoided taking pictures during the niagara trip because I just. I hate pictures of myself— I DELETED my dating profiles because I can’t stand my pictures being out there. It’s SO BAD why do I look like that it’s kit even just skin or whatever it’s just. It’s everything, head, chin, eyes, nose I look like a fucking. I look so bad if I look at myself too long I just, I just get angry and sad.

Dylan was showing me footage of mysekf on camera from when he filmed me for his assignment and I genuinely got a little nauseous 😭 (although this might’ve been because i hadn’t eaten food like. At all)

If I eat the Normal amount of food I feel bad bc I think it’s too much and I feel horrible and fat as fuck and actively avoid having too many calories

I wish.

I wish I didn’t look like this

I might find the whole REDACTED aspect interesting not just because It makes BAGS of money but also because. Man the. The validation sounds like it would be nice to have, strangers on the internet aren’t obligated to be nice to me like friends and family, is there an opinion more honest than that? Funnily enough I’ll probably suck at that too considering how bad I look

Makeup is my last resort if it doesn’t work I’ll just come to terms with being ugly and stupid and try and be good at something else

[dex-starr]

The thing is as a person I am genuinely straightforward even when it comes to my faults. When I have my faults I will genuinely explain them, listen to your side and why it bothers you and improve on that if I can improve on it or at least work to not do things in a way that can hurt or make someone uncomfortable.

If people just talk to me I listen. I have learned that now, I have always known my worth and value. I just didn’t push on it because I always have that nagging voice in the back of my head. Yeah medication has helped but it has ALWAYS been this. Medication has really only helped when things went to extreme shit like they did back then.

When things are reciprocated I do beyond my best, when they’re not reciprocated I still do my best. I’m just glad I seemingly have something that is working and that I’m just being me in that venture again. Do I wish things didn’t take that bad turn? Maybe a part of me does. But did I learn something from it? Yes. I learned a lot. Do I have a negative net view on it? I do not. I can separate mistakes from the net value of a person. But I can also hold them accountable for actions taken with purpose.

Do I still wish you happiness? Yeah I do. But I’m more so glad I’m happy with what’s going on so far for me. It took me a while to truly figure it out and I’m not quite done yet. I can only continue to be me and continue to be straight forward about things.

When I do drop the ball it’s literally stupid careless self-conscious reasons

[aajjks]

BC!JK

“can you just leave me alone?! you wanna know who’s pathetic? IT’S YOU!” you snap. your good girl persona is long gone and even after jungkook spilled the milk on you he STILL decides to follow you out and call you pathetic?! you just can’t take it anymore!

“YOU are pathetic for being a pussy and not owning up to your feelings about me. in what world does bullying equal to liking someone or better yet i hope you don’t expect me to fall for you because whatever chance you think you’ll have after this is GONE. i have endured your temper tantrum for a whole WEEK and i can’t take it anymore! you won jungkook now just leave me the hell alone!!!”

“i hate you jeon jungkook. I. HATE. YOU!!! i’d rather die than love a piece of shit like you”

who would’ve thought you’d have such a foul mouth on you? and you don’t even bother staying to hear jungkook’s reply or what he says back to you because you’re already storming up the hall and out of the school building.

you just feel so betrayed and embarrassed. how could jungkook do such a thing to you and then call you pathetic?

“you really are a piece of shit” danielle says as she follows you out of the school to comfort you. from the start she knew jungkook liking you and expressing interest in you was a bad idea. here he is again showing his true colors and danielle is lowkey happy you didn’t take interest in him because there’s no way a guy like him could ever be good to you.

the only thing she regrets is allowing you to get close to him cause now his ‘bullying ways’ hurt you on a more personal level. you viewed jungkook as a friend and genuinely enjoyed his company but now his actions cut deeper than just harsh words and danielle can see that.

as promised, danielle walks with you back home and comforted you as you cried into her shoulder about how you truly felt. while at school, a lot of people looked at jungkook like he was the villain and for once thought he might’ve taken things too far with you.

because of the incident, you didn’t appear in school for two weeks…

Has he really lost his chance with you? It’s been weeks since he’s last seen you. Jungkook is so nervous about everything that’s happened between you two.

Especially ever since your last out burst at him, you called him a pussy, who thought that you could be capable of seeing those words in his face directly. But it was kind of hot.

Sometimes he wants you to put him in his place, Jungkook hates the fact that you never fight back- you should slap him then take your revenge so you can be equal, and then you can finally accept him.

Yerin is no fun, he doesn’t really let her touch him, and he has no idea what soojin is up to these days, also eunwoo is way too nice for his own good- jungkook still hates him.

But maybe you’re not interested in him anymore

He’s got the most pulsing headache in his head, he’s so desperate to see you It’s been days since you have come to school, so he’s a little nervous if you’ll be here today.

He wishes that he could have a little whiskey right now, but it’s only 9 AM. “Fuck.. my head will explode.” He whines to Jin, “damn it… I don’t want to bother her anymore- and I also don’t want you guys to bother her.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

Find this is what you wanted right?

He will grant your wish.

Yoongi & Taehyung roll their eyes back. What is his problem? “Dude you are annoying as fuck. It’s so weird that you’re still into her…. She literally rejected you & she’s avoiding you.” Namjoon argues back.

Jungkook open to say something else but then he spots you coming in, and also yerin with soojin is approaching him for some reason. “Yn is here oh my God!!” Jungkook gets up, walking up to you.

You have not spotted him yet- “YN I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”

[blaisenova]

the way you’re reacting tells me enough about how you really feel. never did i say i knew you personally. nor did i say it was on tumblr. you won’t get to know why i’m here or why i message you. oh, and i *know* you had hateful intentions. i could quote you if i wanted to but i won’t. you can joke all you want but the extent of your actions nearly cost someone’s life. and if you don’t remember the things you said, that shows a lot about your character.

i’m not messaging you on my behalf. if the person i am talking to found out, he’d probably kill me. but i think you deserve to hear this from someone.

if anyone should be hoping, it should be you. maybe someday you’ll get better and stop hurting people online.

say whatever you want about me, i don’t care. in the end, you don’t know me. but i know you. and that’s how it will always stay. keep pining for my attention sicko, you’re revolting

"pining for your attention," says the one that's insulting me just for shits and giggles XD

seriously, i don't know what you think you're accomplishing by doing this. you won't tell me what i supposedly did, you won't tell me who i hurt, you won't "quote me" because you don't "want to," and you're hiding behind anonymity. if it seriously gives you any joy to call me names and taunt me, then you're no better than you claim i am.

i have directly said multiple times now that i would love to hear what i've done wrong so that i can properly apologise and improve, and you're the one that refuses to give me the opportunity to. that says infinitely more about you than it says about me. sorry i don't remember this very vague thing that you refuse to elaborate on? you're not exactly giving me a lot to work with.

if i'm genuinely so revolting to you and you're so disgusted with the idea of speaking to me that you would literally rather die, then leave me alone? YOU'RE the one that reached out to ME. don't act like i'm begging for your attention when all i've been doing is trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about because YOU decided to send me a cryptic message in the first place. if the person i've supposedly hurt doesn't want you to talk to me, and YOU don't want to talk to me, then why are you here?

i don't even know what it is that i "deserve to hear from someone" because you won't tell me what i did. how am i supposed to know if i deserve it? you're just telling me over and over that i'm a shit person and that i'm guilty of some sort of horrible shit, but you won't tell me why or what. it doesn't affect me. it's like some random stranger on the street telling me i'm awful. like, okay, you don't know me, so i don't care what you think of me. if said stranger came up to me and said i was awful and then bothered to tell me WHY, i'm sure it would have a bit more effect.

and to answer your other insulting ask about my life supposedly revolving around a screen and yours not: again, YOU are the one that reached out to ME. YOU are pining for MY attention, and YOU decided that harassing me on the internet over something you won't elaborate on is somehow a totally good and normal thing to do. feels pretty chronically online to me. why don't you make a twitter post while you're at it. cancel me or something LOL.

if you REALLY cared about your friend and their wishes, you wouldn't contact me like they clearly don't want you to. and if you REALLY wanted to do anything to "prevent this from happening to someone else," you would tell me what the fuck i need to stop doing. "stop hurting people on the internet" and "karma will get you for what you did to him" are two INCREDIBLY vague sentiments, especially when i have NO idea who you are. again, you're not giving me much to work with.

not really sure how "the way i'm reacting" says anything about how i really feel considering i don't know what the fuck i'm even reacting to other than vague threats and harassment LMAO. i'd be the first person to admit that i'm not perfect and that i've made mistakes, and i'm constantly trying to improve as a person because that's what you do in life if you want to be a decent person. maybe i'm not there yet, but i'm trying and, to me, that counts for something.

if you want me to get better so badly, tell me what i did. if you can't even tell me that, then i'm just going to write this off as baseless bullying for shits and giggles - because anon on tumblr makes it easy - and then i'm going to move on with my life.

if this is where our interactions end, i really hope you get better, too. harbouring this much anger towards someone you apparently don't even know personally can't be easy, especially when you're not getting the reaction you're hoping for. i genuinely hope you and your friend, whoever the hell you two are, can find peace. you deserve it, regardless of how you find entertainment online <3

if this isn't where our interactions end, i hope i can have an at all productive conversation with you. i would genuinely love to improve, if you should give me the opportunity to do so :)

[dumbdomb]

Can CNC blogs interact? Sorry was a little confused for r4pe kink def that’s all. Also, what about people who reblog from some of the turn offs you mention but not those specific kinks? I reblog some stuff from (respectful, non transphobic, usually trans, have to check because it can be really bad) de trans blogs but never de trans stuff. Also thank you for your users who don’t consent, blocked the icky daddy or whatever that guy was trying to be. I’m into hard kinks but w consent always :/ that guy has been sort of creepy abt young girls too though. I just want to understand and respect your boundaries fully 👍

this IS a cnc blog... so, yeah... i don't like how people talk or play around with "rape kink" bc it's usually very rough, forceful, doesn't include foreplay, always centered around painful and fast penetration (no lube style) and that's NOT what i'm into... at all. ever. i don't want people to treat me that way, and idk how else to make that any clearer when i get asks like this... (asking an overtly cnc blog if it's ok for cnc blogs to interact, like.. ya know what i mean... lol it's silly. and people ask me really basic questions like this all the time. i genuinely don't know how i can be more clear about these things!! x3 ahh).

my DNI and Turn Offs are two separate lists. if something is a turn off for me, i just don't have any interest in it and don't want to be treated that way. i've been on kinkblr for a while now, and unusual or less popular kinks are not something that offends me. some items in my dni are actually just turn offs, but because people have treated me in ways i super don't like- now they are criteria for getting blocked. if people can't understand my role and interests in kink, and keep treating me badly bc of that, the only solution i could think of was to sound more strict about my boundaries: so dense people would actually read it and not immediately message me shit talking down to me like a sub and projecting every squick on me, then getting super defensive and wound up when i tell them i'm not into it or try to steer the conversation in the direction of what i actually like and am into.

detrans is one of those kinks that i simply don't care about, it's not my thing and i wouldn't have much else to say on the topic if it weren't for sooooooooooooooooo many people being really disrespectful and shitty to me, forcing that onto me... not caring that i explicitly said, "NO."

you may not post detransitioning content, but if detransition kink blogs follow you and you've put MY content on your "detrans kink safe" blog, then most will assume I'M into something that i'm NOT. they will harass me, intentionally, bc that's what people with icky and detrans kinks do around here. it's not kinky behavior. it's unhealthy, unwarranted, unprovoked, and abusive behavior (their actions, not the kink or fetish). it doesn't matter if the person with detransitioning kinks is trans, they can still be transphobic by harassing people that don't have these particular kinks: misgendering, corrective rape, detransitioned... i've written about this so much, and i wish people would stop trying to involve me in something i have no need to be part of- i'm not into this kink!!!!!!! why do people keep talking to me about it?! does it bother you that i'm simply not interested in any of it? (serious question)

you say you're into "hard kinks" but what does that mean exactly? i didn't create that tag to protect anyone, it was to make a point about how incessant and obtrusive certain blogs have been about ignoring their lack of my consent. if any information there is useful for you, that's your business in how you run your blog. i don't condone reporting anyone here bc it only means having to block the same person repeatedly, ad nauseum. and i don't post anything for anyone to dislike or send hate to anyone else! i am only trying to maintain a respectful, consensual space here. if a blog truly has harmful content, it's better to leave their blog as is and report them to a government agency or organization known for handling whatever offense applies.

it seems the question you really want answered is whether it's ok to interact with my blog if you don't post or reblog detrans content, but allow other people who do to interact with your blog. let me ask you this: would you be ok with an adult blog reblogging your content, knowing they allowed underage users to interact with them (by stating something like "14+" in their pinned and reblogging kinky posts from children onto their blog)? how would that make you feel, if a kinky adult were sharing your blog in that way, and every time they did that you got notifications and messages from blogs without an age (or actual pedo bait blogs and teens) messaging you about their... "creepy" hard kinks.

like, can you understand by framing it around something you don't view positively? (i'm using your expressed negativity in the ask you sent to rephrase and reframe the question you're asking me.) does that clear things up?

i do not want to see or be seen by detransition, misgendering, corrective, breaking kink people.

[favoniuscodex]

detention. [tartaglia x reader]

prompt: high school delinquent tartaglia w/ student council president reader pairing: childe/tartaglia x f!reader word count: 2.1k warnings: mentions of sexual harassment, (very little) blood, childe enjoying fighting other people like always, but overall very lighthearted! a/n: bye i got carried away with this one, this is certainly not a short scenario lol. part of my 900 follower event!

“you’re in here?” an all-too-familiar voice says incredulously, causing you to cringe. you look up from the homework in front of you and make eye contact with the incredibly smug ginger-haired boy who leans in the entrance of the classroom, ocean-blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

“it’s no surprise that you would be here,” you retort, before going back to your schoolwork. you furrow your eyebrows as you hear his footsteps approach you and bite back a sigh as he chooses the seat directly next to you. he drags the chair out from underneath his chosen desk noisily across the linoleum floor and you take a deep breath as you hear its metal legs groan against the dilapidated flooring.

“so,” the boy persists, sitting down in his chair backwards and leaning forward on the backrest, looking over at you. “how’d the princess end up in detention?”

“shouldn’t you be using this time to do homework?” you deflect and he genuinely laughs, as if the thought was preposterous for you to suggest.

“sorry, sweetheart, i don’t exactly have…” he pauses, before turning the worksheet underneath your palms towards him and sliding it to the edge of your desk. “what the hell even is this? this is definitely some alien language.”

“it’s multivariable calculus,” you explain and look over at him with a stoic expression, only to see his eyes widen and a smirk form on his face.

“you know how to do that shit?” he breathes in awe, folding his arms on the backrest of the chair. he lets out a huff of amusement as you grumpily move the paper back to its original position. “that’s kind of hot.”

you rip your gaze from him and stare at the paper in front of you, doing your best to ignore his comments. your eyes instinctively widen a bit in shock and you feel heat rise to your face and childe lets out a soft laugh in response.

“ajax,” you begin in an attempt to collect yourself. “some of us actually desire to pass our classes.” your voice is level as you brush off his flirtations, but you feel your heart beating wildly. the boy, childe, knew how to flirt with you just as well as he knew how to annoy you.

“ah, princess,” the boy chuckles, his voice dropping low with condescension. “it’s tartaglia. you’re asking for trouble when you call me that~.” he’s amused at your words, leaning in closer to you.

“i’m not calling you by your dumb soundcloud rapper name,” you insist as you attempt to focus on finding the surface area of some hyperboloid given by the equation on the worksheet before you. the noise of your mechanical pencil scratching at the paper in front of you fills the air between the two of you as childe stares at you in shock, before letting out a sharp laugh.

“you’re adorable,” he confesses, but you simply huff in displeasure and lean in closer to your worksheet, trying to block him out. “for real though, how’d such an insouciant girl like you end up in here?”

you choose to ignore him, before you process his words and look at him in confusion. “w... what do you think insouciant means?” you almost sound aghast at his words and childe shrugs in response.

“hm,” he responds, as if he’s actually pondering, before a smile returns to his face. “don’t know, don’t care~. guess i used it wrong, huh?”

“yes.” you respond, but before you can continue your work, ajax reaches over and snatches the mechanical pencil out of your hand.

“answer the question and i’ll leave you alone,” he says, holding the pencil out of your reach as you fruitlessly try to grab it back.

“fine,” you respond bitterly. “i punched someone in the face.”

you glance at him and watch his eyes widen, a grin spreading over his face.

“holy shit, that’s so hot. i never thought you’d do something like that. jeez.” his face flushes with excitement as he leans forward, unceremoniously dropping the pencil in front of him. his words are excited and you suddenly wish you had lied and told him you were late to class. “so, like, did they ask you one too many times for homework answers? were you stopping them from trying to take your president seat? did they beat your score on the last chem test? there’s so many possibilities…”

he sighs almost dreamily. you grab your freshly retrieved pencil far too tightly in irritation and return to the paper before you. “no,” you respond, your voice uncharacteristically sharper than the usual tone of distaste you held towards childe. his smile suddenly drops, noticing that the air between the two of you had turned from slight irritation to full, seething anger. his eyebrows furrow in concern.

“princess,” he says lowly, words cautious. “why’d you punch someone?” his words are authoritative, but you knew that if you said you didn’t want to talk about it, he’d find a way to drop the topic. plus, he’d probably find out eventually. the event had happened in a busy hallway after all and you were the refined student council president who had never broken a rule before in her life.

you let out a sigh of defeat, closing your eyes briefly, before turning in your chair to face ajax. his cerulean irises pierce into yours with a seriousness you had never seen before and you decide that maybe, despite all of the ways he annoys you and makes your heart beat faster, you can trust him. after all, he’s always kept all of his promises to you, throughout all the times he’s stopped to pester you whenever he saw you, whether it be in the hallway, in class, or outside of school.

“okay,” you begin, letting out a nervous huff of air, running your palms across your thighs in a comforting motion. “i... punched a guy who… wouldn’t take no for an answer. he crossed a few boundaries and… got a fist to the face because of it.”

your friends had always complained about how childe was bad news, constantly running into trouble with others and winding up in detention half the time because of it. if you had counted correctly, he had been suspended twice for reasons you hadn’t bothered to ask about, because in your eyes, the boy was no more than a harmless pest, always smiling, cheerful, and persistent in trying to flirt with you and in trying to become your friend. despite your half hearted attempts to shoo him away, ajax would always bounce back and increase his flirtations, never failing to make your heart beat faster.

but now, as you watched his fists clench on his thighs, his knuckles turning white and his fingernails digging sharply into his skin, you realize that the ajax you had experienced was a far cry from what most people experienced. his expression looks murderous and you realize that maybe he had actually earned the fearsome nickname of tartaglia. you suddenly appreciate the fact that you weren’t on the delinquent’s bad side, because the rage that swirls in his baby blues makes your blood run cold. it also makes your heart beat faster, but not in fear.

you silently question why you were finding tartaglia’s attractive. such a reaction was a massive red flag, but you figured you could probably use it to decorate your walls, splay it across the length of your bed, and stare at it in admiration. you begin to ponder what other decorations you could use in your bedroom, including a six foot tall redhead with the clearest blue eyes you had ever seen, but childe’s words snap you out of your reverie.

“who did it?” his words are steely and foreboding, uttered in a lower tone than you’ve ever heard him speak with. normal people were of the mind that snitches get stitches, but luckily, you were a goody-two-shoes who loved to rat on everyone. you smile giddily, cheeks warm from admiring the rage that churned within the man before you, and part your lips to respond. however, the trill of the end of day bell interrupts the two of you, signaling the beginning of detention.

childe lets out a huff of contempt and interrupts you before you can once again try to say the words. “yeah, okay, whatever, don’t worry about it. just... work on your homework or something.” he says dismissively and you’re briefly confused until you see him whip out a textbook.

holy shit, he actually goes to class? you wonder, before seeing him flip open the pages, put the book in his lap, then nestle his cell phone with in the pages in a haphazard attempt to seem like he is studying. you watch briefly as his fingers fly across the touchscreen and his thumbs type out an angry message to some person you couldn’t see the contact name of.

the teacher at the front of the room commands your attention and you pay attention to their words before returning to your homework, only bothering to glance over at him every few minutes. his position remains unchanged for the rest of the detention session, furiously typing nearly the entire time.

when detention ends, he leaves wordlessly. rather than pestering you to accompany him somewhere, he simply slams his textbook shut, tosses it hastily in his backpack, and storms out of the room without making eye contact with you.

---

school begins the next day and you are standing at your locker and grabbing your textbooks when a familiar, chipper voice interrupts you. 

“heya, princess!” he greets, peering around the metal door of your locker. 

“hey,” you respond unamused, before turning to look at him and ask him what he wants, but the sight of the boy causes you to freeze in your tracks. his eye is mottled with purple, yellow, and blue bruises and his bottom lip is busted open. his hair is disheveled and there’s a proud look in his eye as he smiles at you, before wincing at the action as his lip begins to bleed once more.

“what happened to you?” you ask incredulously before turning to rifle through your backpack for a tissue to give to ajax.

“ah,” childe responds in a mischievous tone. “let’s just say you won’t have to worry about a certain problem anymore.”

“you’re still here,” you instinctively respond as your fingers finally grasp the packet of tissues in your backpack. upon actually digesting his words, you nearly drop the tissues before hastily pulling one out of the packet and holding it out to him. “wait, what? did you fight him?” you stare at him with eyes blown wide open and he smugly smiles at you in response before cheekily taking the tissue from your hands and wiping the blood off his chin.

“yep!” his voice is far too cheerful for the situation at hand, but you can’t help but crack a smile at his words. “a knight always has to protect his princess.”

your face flushes with heat and you instinctively look away from him, unsure of what to make of such a bold flirtation. you let out a nervous giggle, taken aback by him being so forward about literally beating the shit out of a guy on your behalf. “you’re insane,” you say, but your happiness can’t help but leak into your words and grins at you, eyes shining with admiration.

“go to dinner with me.” he blurts out confidently, but a faint nervousness hides in his expression. despite his best attempts to seem nonchalant, you see right through it, but such vulnerability in his appearance causes you to respond without hesitation.

“okay.” you respond softly and a shy smile begins to creep over your face as ajax blinks at you in surprise.

“oh... cool,” his words are dazed, as if he hadn’t expected such a response, but his smile only grows wider. “awesome, yeah, cool.” his attempts to play it cool fail, especially as he stumbles a bit when he tries to lean on the door of your locker, only to have it swing out from under his weight.

“a princess always has to thank her knight, after all,” you respond with a soft giggle and childe’s expression softens, a smitten expression crossing his face. the warning bell for first period rings and childe holds out a freshly bandage hand to you.

you place your hand in his and he holds your hand with such a featherlight touch that, if not for the bandages that brush against your skin, you would have doubted that he ever could have hurt anyone. besides, you knew he only would hurt people who were asking for it.

[fandom-imagines]

Little Miss Favourite

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Teacher!Snape X Legal!Granger!Reader 

Warnings: Teacher x student relationship x)

Words: 2.5k 

It would be a lie to say that the Granger sisters weren’t incredibly smart, anyone could see it. Whilst Hermione, the younger sibling, was exceptionally talented with spells, Y/N was talented in the art of potion making; not that she wasn’t talented at other things also.

Due to her consistently high scores in potions, Y/N had caught the attention of her favourite teacher: Severus Snape, despite his annoyance towards the younger Granger. Whilst he found Hermione insufferable, Y/N was more than tolerable in his honest opinion; not that he would ever admit that to anyone, maybe not even himself.

Perhaps it was her confident personality, her boldness or her smarts, Severus would never know. Of course, it wasn’t only him that had his attention focused on her, many people did. Those people included Hermione’s friends. Y/N knew this, how could she not? The way Harry did his best to show off whilst Hermione rolled her eyes and Ron got all embarrassed, it was obvious; at least to her. Even though her personalist screamed confident, she wasn’t mean like other people at Hogwarts, not often at least.  

“Morning Professor,” her words were sweet as she greeted the dark-haired man, early as always.

“Good morning, Miss Granger,” Snapes tone was kinder than usual, but without it being clear. To anyone else, it would seem normal.

“Got a date for the Yule Ball yet, sir?” Whilst her question was genuine and not flirtatious, Severus couldn’t help but wish it was.

“Why would I bother with something as childish as having a date?”

“I shall take that as a no,”

He could hear the stool she usually seated at drag out from beneath the desk before she seated herself on top of it.

“What about you Miss Granger?” Y/N, who had forgotten what she had previously asked him, was confused at his question. “Surely someone like you must have a date,”

A sight blush ran up her cheeks at his words, eyes wide.

“No sir,” she giggled. “Not interested in anyone that’s asked me.”

Her words caught his attention, eyes glancing towards her for a split second before returning to the work he was marking. It was Harry Potters; he could almost roll his eyes.

“Why is that?”

“Immature men that feel like I should go with them because they’re popular? No thank you, give me a mature and unentitled man any day,”

For the second time in five minutes her words caught his attention, suddenly distracted by what she had said rather than being distracted by Potter’s work.

“I see,”

It wasn’t long until the rest of her class began to pile into the dungeon, taking their usual seats as Fred and George came to sit beside her at their typical desk.

“Morning, Y/N/N,” the greeted in perfect synergy, almost as though it had been rehearsed but she knew better than to expect that and simply laughed.

“We heard something,” Fred began.

“Potter is wanting to ask you to be his date to the Yule Ball.” George finished, the twins laughing at Y/N’s shocked face.

“Please say you’re joking,” she pleaded, desperately hoping that it wasn’t true. “He’s so much younger than me!”

“Oh and Hermione is going with Krum,”

“This day just gets worse and worse,”

“Weasleys, detention.” A harsh voice interrupted their conversation as to be expected.

“But sir!” They groaned, once again in unison. “She was talking too!”

“Not as much as you two.”

*

The great hall was quiet, everyone there working on their essays, everyone being the fourth years. Fortunately for her, Y/N was allowed to sit and work alongside the younger students having been given permission by Professor Snape himself.

“Hey Y/N,” Harry’s quiet voice pulled her attention away from the parchment in front of her. “I was just wondering-“ His words were soon cut off by a hand shoving his head into his own parchment.

“Silence,”

“Yes, Professor Snape.”

An amused smirk covered Y/N’s lips as she turned her own attention back to the work in front of her that was soon to be finished.

“Later guys,” she shot the trio one last smile as she walked towards Snape, handing him her essay with a small smile, one he almost wished to return.

“I’m sure this will be as excellent as always, Granger.”

“I sure hope so, sir.”

With one final nod, Severus dismissed her.

*

Music blasted throughout the hall as the Tri-wizard champions begun to dance with their partners. Y/N and her own date, who ended up being George due to both forgetting about the dance until the night before, stood laughing at Ron’s dress robes.

“He looks like our great aunt,” George chuckled, his words making Y/N snort in amusement.

“Poor kid. He looks so embarrassed,” she giggled.

“Well, looks like its our turn to dance. Care to join me, Granger?” George grinned, offering him her hand which she gladly took.

“After you, but can you even dance?”

“Nope,”

“Good, me neither.”

Their dance was horrendous, and they were both glad when the music ended, the pair running off the dance floor in laughter, hands still together.

“That was- “George began, only to have his sentence finished by his dance partner.

“Dreadful?”

“Yeah,”

Their fit of laughter was cut short by another voice joining the conversation. “Nice dancing guys!”

“Shut up, Fred!” This time it was Y/N and George’s turn to speak in unison, something that triggered a smirk to grow on Fred’s lips.

“Alright, alright, calm down you two,”

*

“I almost feel bad for him,” Fred chuckled, catching George and Y/N’s attention as they followed his gaze.

“I would but he gave us detention and not her, talk about favouritism!”

An idea popped into Y/N’s head, as she removed herself from the twins’ arms.

“Where are you going, Y/N/N?” Fred asked. “Wait are you-“

“I feel bad for him, okay!”

The twins burst into laughter as they realised her plan.

“I bet you my entire allowance that she can’t get him to dance,” Fred whispered as they watched Y/N walking towards Snape.

“You’re on,”

*

“Evening, Professor,” Y/N greeted, desperately trying her best to not show her nervousness.

“Good evening, Miss Granger,” He returned her greeting, turning his attention fully to her. “Shouldn’t you be with your date?”

“George? No, we both forgot we needed dates, so we went together. He’ll cope on his own,” The girl giggled, glancing back at said man to see both twins smirking at her. “You look lonely, want to dance?”

“Do I look like the sort of person to dance?”

“Do I?” She joked, enjoying the small smirk that pulled up at his lips. “It’ll be one dance and then I’ll let you go back to enjoying your own company. It’s a teacher and student dance anyway!”

*

“No way…” Fred gasped, watching as Snape and Y/N headed to the dancefloor.

“I knew she could do it! You now owe me your entire allowance,”

“Shit,”

*

“See it wasn’t too bad, was it, Professor?” Y/N giggled, aware of the fact that everyone had been staring at her dancing with Snape.

“You stepped on my foot at least three times,”

“I said I don’t dance!”

She celebrated a silent victory as Snape shook his head, a small smile pulling at his lips.

“This is true,”

“Welp, I’ll leave you to enjoy your own company again!” The older Granger grinned, giving him one final nod as she headed by to the twins who were still in shock.

“Shut your mouth, Fred. You’ll catch flies,” Y/N smirked, placing her hand on Fred’s chin to shut up mouth that had been open since she managed to convince Snape to dance.

“Did you bewitch him or something?! How on earth did you manage to get him to dance?” George asked in shock.

“Night guys, thanks for the fun time.” She winked, downing the rest of her drink that she had left before leaving the hall to head to bed.

*

“Miss Granger, you’re late,” Snapes’ words ran throughout the dungeon.

It was strange, how he knew it was her before he had even turned around to face her.

“Sorry Professor, I had a detention.”

“Well now you have another, stay after class.”  

*

“Good luck, Snapes detentions are horrible,” George chuckled, giving Y/N a reassuring pat on the back.

“Yeah, we would know, Miss Favourite,” Fred chimed in with his typical teasing tone.

“Thanks, that makes me feel better. I’ll see you guys later,”

“Good luck.”

The second everyone had left the classroom, Snapes attention was on her.

“So why did you get a detention?” His words were questioning, not malicious. It was almost as though he was genuinely curious.

“I got in a duel,” Y/N shook her head with a slight laugh. “Malfoy was being, well Malfoy. So, yeah.”

A grin covered her lips as Snape shook his head in slight amusement; it was cute in a way.

“Next time don’t get caught, it makes my classes a lot easier,”

“Got ya, Professor,”

“Good, you may leave,”

*

“That was quick, did he have to leave?” Fred, who had been waiting outside for about two minutes, asked.

“Little miss favourite,” were her only words as she shot Fred a wink, just like she had done at the ball a few weeks ago.

“I swear he has a crush on you or something,”

“Yeah, imagine. Professor Severus Snape developing a crush on a student, nice one George. Why are you two even here?”

The twins, who had been caught red-handed, shared an amused look, quickly rushing into action by grasping Y/N’s arms, tugging her along.

“We need someone to test our latest concoction!” They spoke in unison.

“No, no way! Merlin knows what you’ve put in that!”

“Either you help us, or we’ll tell everyone about your little crush on the potions professor,”

“Fine.”

*

“Fred and George Weasley, you come here this instance!” Y/N’s voice shrieked, her words echoing throughout the entire Gryffindor common room.

“Run!” Was all she heard, followed by laughter and footsteps leaving through the portrait.

Y/N rushed after them, hell bent on causing as much annoyance to them as they had to her.

“I will kill you!”

“That’s not very nice now, is it? You love us really,” George teased her once more before darting away.

“George Weasley I am faster than you and you know it!”

It wasn’t a lie, Y/N had been, and always will be, faster than him. No matter how many pranks they had to run away from, the twins would never be able to outrun her.

“What have you done to my hair?!” Y/N demanded to know the second she caught both boys by the collar of their robes. “Please say this comes out, I don’t want my hair to be yellow and green forever, I hate it!”

“Well you see, Y/N/N,” Fred chuckled with a hint of nervousness. “We don’t know, you’re our first consumer!”

“Fred, I am begging you, I look like a lollipop.”

“I’m sure you taste as sweet as one too, Y/N,” a Slytherin by-passer commented, clearly having heard the entire conversation.

“Shut th-“

“Detention and ten points from Slytherin,”

Fred, George and Y/N shared a terrified look as Professor Snape stood behind the trio.

“Trying a new style are we, Granger? It is quite bold,” despite the blunt words, there was an almost undetectable teasing tone laced in his words.

“Not willingly, Professor,”

“Then why did you do it?”

“They blackmailed me!”

“With what?”

The twins smirked at each other, as though they were sent on a mission to ruin her day.

“She has a crush, Professor,” George smirked at the, now multi-coloured haired, girl.

“George Weasley!” In a swift movement, Y/N rushed towards the ginger, only to be stopped by a hand holding her robe. “Professor let me go!”

“Isn’t she cute, Fred?”

“Adorable, George,”

“I hate you both.” Y/N, who had accepted her fate of being held my Snape (which didn’t seem too bad in all honesty), sighed.

“You love us really,”

“You wish, Fredrick.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“If you three have quite finished,” Snape interrupted their quarrel. “I think I know how to remove that colour from your hair, Miss Granger. Follow me.” There was no room for debate as the potions master turned and rushed towards his classroom.

“I’ll kill you,” Y/N mouthed before rushing after him.

*

“Sit,” Snape said, lightly kicking a stool out towards Y/N before walking towards a cupboard that, she assumed, had potions or at least ingredients for them.

“Are you sure this will work, Professor? I really don’t want anyone else to see me like this,”

“You mean you don’t want your crush to see you like this?” He said with a raised eyebrow.

“He already has,” her words were a mere murmur, but it was one Severus had heard.

“The Slytherin?” Snape asked whilst he grabbed a weird looking liquid. “Here drink.”

“Merlin, no. I don’t even know who that was. This tastes disgusting,”

“Do you want the colour gone or not?”

“Sorry,”

Snape let out a small sigh, his arms crossing by habit.

“Potter, perhaps?”

“Are we playing guess the crush or something?”

“Well, we have time. This needs a second dose in around thirty minutes,”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to sigh.

“It’s probably not a good idea to play this game with me,” she joked. “I’m quite competitive,”

“You would have done well in Slytherin,”

“I doubt it,”

“Under me you would have done brilliantly. You are doing brilliantly already.”

A bright red blush ran up Y/N’s cheeks at his use of words.

“You should be careful what you say, Professor. Someone might interpret your words wrong,”

“That someone being you?”

“Perhaps,”

“I see.”

An awkward silence filled the air, something that was uncommon between the pair.

“I’m sorry, that was a bit straight-forward,”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Sorry,”

“Don’t be,”

Whilst his reply was short, the words caught her attention, her head spinning to face him.

“Don’t be?”

“I said what I said.” Came his simple response.

“I don’t understand,”

“Maybe little miss favourite should do some thinking,”

“Oh…” She whispered. “Oh! Here I am thinking I’m just a teacher’s pet,”

He smiled slightly. “Not quite, Miss Granger,”

Footsteps echoed throughout the dungeon as he walked towards Y/N, his fingers lightly pushing against her chin to bring her to face him, her cheeks as red as flames.

“So, I’m your little miss favourite?”

“Clearly,”

[the-witty-pen-name]

Deadbeat Pt. 1

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut/masturbation (implied/mild), cursing, abandonment, infatuation, alcohol, cheating, violence?, mild housewife kink? 

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room. 

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

There are no tags on this one, because no one has specifically asked to be tagged on smut fics and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable!

I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

“Get out of here Lee,” you spat, pointing to the door he just walked into the bar from. “You swore to Janie you wouldn’t touch a drop.” 

“C’mon (y/n),” he said sitting at the bar anyways, a smug grin on his face, making you scoff. 

“I ain’t having anything to do with you breaking your promise to that lovely woman,” you say confirming your point. You wipe your hands on the towel that was hanging from your apron. 

“Jack and coke?” He asks, looking at you with eyes that would be endearingly puppy dog if it weren’t Lee Bodecker. You shook your head. 

“A coke it is,” you say and he gives up trying for now. He regrets telling you on his last visit he’d be swearing off drinking cause Janie finally threatened to throw him out. 

You slide a glass bottle of Coca-Cola down the length of the bar to Lee and he grinds his teeth slightly. The sugar was always his temporary fix. You also sent down his way a small bowl of roasted peanuts, feeling bad for the mess of a man. 

“She’s gonna leave me anyways,” he grumbles and you shake your head, picking up on his attempts to illicit sympathy to coax you into giving him a drop of anything. 

“Stop giving her a reason to Lee,” you point out, gesturing with your hands to emphasize that he was in the same small bar on the edge of town he always wandered into on weeknights. He’d tell Janie he was on duty but he’d really be down in this little box of a building getting drunk as a stunk. 

“She’s the one who gone and cheated,” Lee said in an angry tone, not towards you, just at his situation. “That Miller fellow living a few miles down from me. I see his truck parked outside my house plenty of times to know he’s not just being neighborly.” 

“I’m sorry Lee,” you say with a genuine tone of sympathy. You felt for him and his pain. You knew the stress of the job he led and the pain of knowing the love of your life don’t love you. 

“She’s going to leave me,” he says, staring intently at the condensation on the bottle in front of him. “I’d been trying so hard for her and our marriage and she’s two timing with the neighbor when I’m out working.” 

“And the thing is I don’t even care if she cheated,” Lee continued, “I’d look the other way if I knew she’d be staying with me. But it’s cause I know she don’t love me anymore. That’s what’s hurting me most.” 

“Maybe y’all can work through this-“ 

“This was inevitable,” he says, cutting you off. You don’t point it out, cause he’s clearly distressed but normally you’d have no problem saying to Lee ‘Fuck you, let me finish Sheriff.’ 

“Do you got somebody?” Lee asks you. The question takes you back cause it wasn’t like the Sheriff to ask your about anything personal. He would come in, and you’d shoot the shit, exchange small talk, maybe some harmless flirting for a larger tip, but that was the extent of it. 

“No, not anymore,” you say, having recently broke things off with your boyfriend. “I was seeing Arvin Russell for a couple months, but we just broke it off.” 

“You’re too good for him anyways,” the sheriff scoffed at the mention of the Russell boy and took another swing from his bottle of pop. “How old are you anyways, sweetheart?” 

“Twenty-one,” you respond, not thinking too much about the nickname. He had a habit of frequently using names like that when he talked to the women in this town. You think it started out as a tactic to win re-election and then it just stuck. He nodded. 

“Yeah you two are around the same age,” he said, more so thinking out loud than it being a statement directed towards you. “Why’d you break it off?” 

“Beat up my brother,” you answered, “Granted, the little shit had it coming. Can’t blame Arvin after I heard how the asshole was bothering that sweet thing Lenora. But he just took it too far. Almost killed the kid. The boy saw red so I got myself out of the picture. You can’t be with a boy who does that to your kin.” 

Lee nodded understandingly. You didn’t interpret his actions or questions as genuine concern or interest in you, but that he was just asking you questions to distract from his marital woes. 

“I’d do so many things different if I could be your age again,” he chuckled in a self-deprecating tone. “I’d sure as hell love to turn back time and have myself go down a better path.” 

“It’s not just you, Sheriff,” you reply after collecting money another man sitting at the bar. You nod as a goodbye to the man, and then curse under your breath when he doesn’t tip you. “Asshole,” you mumble, tossing the few pennies into the tip jar. You walk back over to the sheriff and prop your elbows on the bar. “I’m sure everyone is this town wishes the same thing,” you say, trying to make him feel better. 

“I’d love to just be your age again,” he says with a sigh, and then pops a small handful of the peanuts in his mouth. “Young, got your whole life ahead of you.” 

“I’m not sure working in a place like this is setting me up for great things, Sheriff,” you chuckle moving to wipe the bar in the area where that other customer left. “A woman working as a bartender is equivalent to just being a whore according to the eyes of the Lord... at least in this town,” you laugh, using the towel from your apron to wipe the rings left behind on the countertop from the glasses. 

“Arvin didn’t think so,” Lee countered, trying to make you feel a little better about your position. “I don’t think so. Hell, people in this town are so uptight about things that aren’t their business. You’re young, you need a job and you have one. It’s that simple.” 

“I wish more people in this town thought that way,” you reply with a smile. “That new preacher last Sunday-“ 

“Don’t listen to that asshole,” the Sheriff scoffed, and chuckled when your eyes widened at his derogatory words towards the preacher. “He’s a showboating son of a bitch and he’s as phony as they come.” 

“Those ruffled shirts are the most pretentious thing I ever seen,” you say, letting out a big laugh thinking about when he is giving a sermon in what looks like tacky prom attire. 

“Pay him no mind,” Lee said, bringing the bottle to his grinning lips as he looked at you. “You’re a better person than he is.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment,” you chuckle. 

“Have a goodnight hunny,” another customer at the bar says dropping cash on the table as they leave. “Goodnight Sheriff,” the older man tips his hat and then walks out. 

“Have a goodnight Marvin,” you call after him, “Give my love to Loretta!” You clear the empty glass and drop the cash off in the register. 

While you’re moving around, Lee takes a moment to actually look at you. Any man with eyes knew you were pretty, but he ain’t never noticed before just how attractive you were. His eyes lingered for a moment at how the canvas waist apron extenuated your figure. He couldn’t believe this stunning young thing was stuck in a place like this with a dead end job talking to a deadbeat like him. 

“How long you staying for Sheriff?” You ask suddenly, pulling him out of his trance. 

“Uh, not sure,” he says, looking up at the dingy Luger Beer clock that hung on the wall. “Why sugar?” 

“Seeing as though your sober I was hoping I could trouble you for a ride home?” You ask shyly. 

“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “No trouble at all honey.”

“Thank you, Lee,” you say with a smile, making his heart skip a beat. 

He’d talk to you most weeknights and never had this feeling. Maybe he had but he was too wrapped up in his own troubles to notice it. You were such a sweet girl, and he realized what an injustice it truly was for you to be stuck here. 

The thought crossed his mind very quickly about if he wasn’t married- even though he knew divorce was coming around the corner any day now. If he had met you at a different time in his life if it would’ve been better. Instead of meeting you as an overweight, deadbeat of a sheriff which a drinking problem- he’d met you when he was fresh out of school, same age you are now. You all coulda fallen in love, started a family, and that would’ve been enough to keep him from taking up drinking in the first place. 

He knew from the beginning Janie ain’t ever loved him. Hell, he’s not sure if he ever loved her thinking back on the whole relationship. Lustful, without any sort of promise behind it and they both were users. They used each other. He knew he treated her poorly as poorly as she treated him. He definitely had loved her, that much he knew was true, but now she’s cheating- something Lee never thought of doing at all no matter how many fights they had until the early morning hours.  

As you maneuvered around behind the bar, locking up the liquor and wiping down the machines getting ready to lock up for the night, his mind played little tricks on him. The canvas apron was instead a pinafore, and the bar was his kitchen. He’d loved the sight, thinking about coming home to you instead of what was soon to just be an empty house. 

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he’d even be the one to keep his house. The idea of finding a new house- buying one for you, and being able to start over sounded like a dream life. Hell, he’d run away from this town right now if you said the word. He’s sure he could secure an election in another town, he had the connections to make it happen. 

“I just got to lock up the office and I’ll be ready to go,” you say, untying your apron. He gulps and nods as confirmation. You disappear in the back room, cash drawer in your arms to lock away in the safe. He heads behind the bar to dispose of his empty bottle and the cardboard tray his peanuts were in. 

You come back, your peacoat buttoned and the sash tied around your waist in a bow you had made. You had a small handbag in one hand, and your work apron in the other. Suddenly, he was nervous and didn’t know how to carry himself around you. Undeniably, the Sheriff was developing a crush. He couldn’t shake the feeling. He wanted to ask you out on a proper date, but he knew with his age and reputation- it wouldn’t be fitting. He was moving way too fast in his own mind to keep up with. Just daydreams, he thought to himself, suppressing the thoughts of a future with you for now.

“Okay,” you said, giving the place one more once over to make sure it was all set. “That does it.”

“After you,” he said, holding the door open for you. You giggled, and once you both were outside, you used your key to lock the front door. He held the door open for you to take the passenger seat in the cruiser. As you buckled your seatbelt, he walked over to the driver’s side and then slide into his seat.

You were a little nervous. You weren’t sure why. This wasn’t the first time you’d asked for a ride home. Usually, it’s never this late. When you close, you usually walk home alone. You definitely didn’t live that far, but again that was more dangerous than getting a ride home.

You realized that you were worried about nothing. You thought maybe some would accuse you of something scandalous, getting a ride home from a man so late. However, this was the Sheriff and the streets didn’t have another car on it at all. The town knew where you worked and if anyone were to see you, they’d know you were closing shift and you asked for a ride to avoid walking home this late alone.

“Thank you again,” you said, starting up a conversation as the sheriff was backing out of the tiny lot that was next to the bar.

“Oh, don’t mention it, hun,” he said, “It’s my job to make sure you get home safe. Your house is the white one at the end of Birch?”

“The very one,” you say, looking out the window. There aren’t any street lights, and the only light for miles is coming from the headlights of the cruiser. You don’t catch Lee stealing glances at you as he starts moving forward.

“How’s your ma doing?” He asks, making conversation.

“Oh, she left,” you said nonchalantly, and it makes Lee’s eyebrow raise in confusion.

“Wait. What?” He asks looking over at you for a second before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Oh, I thought you would’ve heard,” you say softly, your façade of indifference torn down. “She left us about a month ago. Met a man from Columbus and moved in with him. The whole town was talking about it for weeks.”

“So, is it just you and Tommy now?” he asks, wondering what kind of a mother leaves her girl to take care of her high school aged brother on what she makes at the bar.

“Oh, he went with her,” you explain, “House is all mine. After the whole thing with Arvin, she decided to pull him out of school and he goes to school in Columbus now. She wasn’t gonna bring him but after that, she changed her mind.”

“They just left you?”

“I chose to stay.”

“No offense but why would the hell would you chose to do that?” he jokes, making you laugh a little.

“It’s all paid off, and my grandpa left it to me and not her anyways,” you explain. “House has been in my name for three years now. And if we sold the house, she’d just piss the money away. Besides, would you move back in your mother now, Sheriff?”

“No, I can’t say I would want to,” he chuckles.

“So, I’m just supporting myself and that ain’t too bad,” you shrug.

“Sounds lonely,” he comments and you nod in agreement.

“It can be,” you admit, as he turns down your street.

“You ain’t worried living alone?” He asks.

“You tell me, Sheriff,” you joke, “If I got something to worry about it sounds like you’re not doing your job.”

“Ouch,” he says and holds a hand clutching his hand to his heart dramatically. It made you laugh, and it made him smile that he made you laugh. God, he loved your laugh.

“Thank you again, Lee,” you say sincerely, quickly kissing his cheek when he parks in front of your house. The gesture takes him back, and he’s relieved you can’t see how red his face is. He’s almost angry at how flustered you make him and you have no idea. “Have a goodnight,” you say.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” he says, a little shakily. You get out of the car, and he watches you walk up to the porch, your hips swaying naturally, and he bites his lip. He groans, but at his disappointment in himself for staring again. You disappear behind the front door and he hits his palm on the steering wheel, trying to shake whatever feeling this was.

He reluctantly drove home, not wanting to have to talk or see Janie. He knew he was just heading home to a fight for being out so late, even though he knows she takes full advantage having fucking Miller over. His jaw is locked, angry about a fight he hasn’t even had with her yet. His cheek still tingles from your touch, and he thinks about if he should just leave Janie. He could just leave, get an apartment nearby or something. He doesn’t even care if she gets the damn house. He’s bracing himself for another night of fighting as he pulls into his own driveway and heading up to his own house.

He fumbles with his keys in the dark. He thinks he had the right one, but it doesn’t work. He tries another that is the same shape, still doesn’t work. He intakes a sharp breath and tries the first key again- he’s positive that’s his house key. “Fucking Christ,” he mutters when the key won’t even go into the lock. “Janie!” he shouts, pounding on the front door. She changed the locks.

“Fuck,” he exclaims, stomping down the front steps and walking around to the back door. He tries his keys again with no luck. He pounds into the door hard and incredibly loud. He knows she’s there, upstairs in their bed, ignoring his knocks. He tries the kitchen window, but it’s locked. Every window on the first floor is fucking locked. He curses again and heads back to his cruiser. He slams the door shut and his grip on the wheel is turning his knuckles white. Does she expect him to sleep in his car in the driveway?

He doesn’t even think about where he’s going to go, but he knows damn sure he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of sleeping outside of his house in his cop car for the whole town to talk about. He just pulls out of his driveway and starts driving. He isn’t even thinking about what route he’s driving, it’s like he’s driving on autopilot while he screams out every curse word in existence.

By the time he calms down, he realizes he’s driving down Birch again. His muscles in his body tense, and he thinks back to your conversation when he dropped you off. Your mother and brother were gone, meaning you have two spare bedrooms. He knows he shouldn’t but the temptation is way too overwhelming. He has nowhere else to go. If someone saw his car… well, he’d worry about that tomorrow. Your house is two miles away from your nearest neighbor, settled back at the end of a long dirt road. Someone knowing he was there was unlikely. He had people who could save your name. It was all innocent. Janie kicked him out and he knew you had an extra room. Hell, he’d rent a room from you- Wait. That’s perfect. That solved all of his problems and yours. He knows you were downplaying how hard it must be to keep up with the house and by him paying rent, you could take care of the house. It was a win-win.

He felt so confident now and he was so proud of himself for devising this plan. He parked his car out front and then walked up to your front door, knocking gently. The sound of the knock made him now incredibly nervous. He didn’t want to scare you or for you to think he was trying to take advantage. Granted, there would be a lot more than financial benefits to being able to live with you, which he knew were selfish, but the idea of being able to see you everyday was overwhelming. It was the closest thing to the dream he was wrapped up in back at the bar. He could live out his little pretend domestic bliss, and you’d get the money you need for the house. He knew he was insane and this was probably wildly inappropriate, but he knew you were too kind to turn him away.

You opened the door with a small yawn, a yellow bathrobe secured over your nightgown fully, to keep yourself decent when you answered the door. You were going to call the Sheriff when you heard the rapping at your door so late and ignore the knocks, but looking out the window of your bedroom you saw it was Lee’s cruiser parked outside.

“Lee?” you ask quietly, sleepiness very evident on your mumbled voice.

“Janie kicked me out,” he said softly, “Changed the locks on me. Darling, I’m so sorry for intruding but I have no where else to go.”

“Come in,” you say sympathetically, the news waking you up quite a bit. “Lee, I’m so sorry. You can take my mom’s old room; it’s got an attached bathroom you can use too.”

 “Thank you (Y/N),” he says quietly. You close the door and secure the lock and the chain again as he looks around the house.

“Don’t worry about it,” you insist. “I can take you there. Follow me.”

You walk up the stairs, Lee following closely behind and he’s ashamed that he took the opportunity to just openly check you out again. At the top of the stairs there was a hallway lined with photographs in mismatched frames. You point to the door at the end of the hall.

“That’s the master,” you explain, “There’s a bathroom attached inside if you want to clean up or anything. There’re clothes in the dresser if you want pajamas- should be in the bottom drawer.”

“Okay, thank you,” he replies, looking down at you as you yawn again, and he notices how your hair is a little messy. The sight drives him wild.

“Anything in the kitchen is up for the taking to,” you offer.

“Look, (Y/N),” he says, “I know this isn’t the best time to be talking about this, but I really need a more permanent plan on where to go. I know it sounds crazy and out of the blue, but could I rent that room from you? Name your price. I figured… I really need a new place, and you could probably use another source of income to keep up with the house. Plus, it’s safer than living alone…”

“Um…,” you begin to speak, but you bit your lip, showing that you’re intently thinking about his offer. Everything he said was right. You needed the money, and he was right that living alone was dangerous in this town and living with the sheriff is the safest person there was in the whole town. People would talk, of course, but no one would deny that the circumstances were just ideal for the two of you and nothing more. You were an adult, a homeowner, and it was your business who you rented a room too. “Yeah, I think that makes sense for both of us,” you agree. “We’ll sort out the details tomorrow.”

“Of course,” he says with a smile.

“Alright, um,” you say crossing your arms around your chest awkwardly. “Goodnight, Lee.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Lee responds as you head back into your own bedroom. He let’s out a heavy sigh and heads into your mom’s room- or rather his new room. He’d have to figure out how to get his stuff back from Janie tomorrow. He’d really just need his clothes and some other necessities. 

The room was fairly spacious. There was a closet and dresser. The closet still had some clothes of your mom’s left behind, and for the most part, the room looked fairly intact. It was like she up and left with just a few things. Lee shook his head, angry at how poorly you were treated by your mother. He pulls off his leather jacket, tossing it and his hat onto the bed. He opened up the bottom drawer of the dresser, and just like you said, it was filled with men’s clothing. He concluded they had to belong to the man your mom lived with now, more things just left behind.

He tosses a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt onto the bed, and then he heads to the bathroom.

In the drawer beside the sink, he finds a new toothbrush still in its packaging, that he opens for himself and drops it in the white toothbrush holder on the counter. The towels are all clean and folded neatly on the shelf above the toilet. He finds a new soap under the sink as well, and decided he needed a shower to just wash off everything of tonight off in hopes he’ll feel better.

He strips of his uniform, folding it nicely knowing he’ll need to wear it all again tomorrow morning. He steps into the shower and turns on the water. The hot water just immediately helps him to loosen the muscles that had been so tense. He lets the warm water run down his face and back, just letting himself enjoy the feeling. He lathers up his body with soap and then it finally hits him that he was here, living with you, and then suddenly he’s hard.

“Fuck,” he mutters, resting his head against the shower wall, the running down his back. He was in so much trouble he realizes. As he beats himself off in the shower, his mind is clouded with thoughts of you. The way the apron at the bar looked around your hips, and the smell of your perfume when you leaned into him. The way your body looked as you paraded yourself around behind the bar. The way you have no problem talking back to him when he walks into the bar after saying he’s off the bottle the night before, just making want to shut you up with a rough kiss. The feeling of your lips on his cheek and he imagines your lips on his neck. He thinks about how your hair looked tousled when you just showed him to his room. He lets himself slip back into that same domestic daydream. You being his wife… married to you instead dealing with this goddamn divorce. The absolute sickening sweet domesticity making him groan, as he imagines his hand is yours. Why on earth did he think he’d be able to do this?

PART TWO

[witchy-jadda]

rott spoilers ahead

so i’ve given myself some time to think about everything and try to process it all and here are some of my thoughts on trollhunters: rise of the titans...

- straight off the bat, i loved the intro. opening with blinky telling the story of what happened up until this point was incredible. i would have loved if they had circled back to this though (i saw someone else say it should have been him telling the story to jim and claire’s kids and i loved that idea!)

- i also liked that they didn’t waste time at the start, instead they just jumped right into the action which was fun.

- honestly, i thought jim’s plotline throughout the movie where he basically thought he was useless without the amulet was just really not fun to watch. i understand why it was there and it played into the climax but i really did not find it one bit necessary seeing as i felt that we have grown beyond that. i felt it was overused. we’ve been there before and jim is aware that he’s the trollhunter, amulet or not.

- douxie being so soft with nari was genuinely one of the most heartwarming parts of the movie. i feel that we were really robbed of so much potential with douxie in this movie though. we didn’t see nearly enough of him. it seemed that the writers were picking and choosing when to remember how powerful he is. switching with nari and connecting to her are two examples of when they actually used his power, but aside from that they just disregarded it a lot.

- and speaking of forgetting how powerful people are... i’m genuinely so hurt and let down over what they did to claire. do they not realise how powerful she is? did they just forget about her character arc? it sure felt like it. she got to use her powers a few times (connecting to nari, portalling the titan, etc) but mostly it felt like she was saying she was spent and therefore unable to do anything. she is so strong and so powerful, and that’s just so empowering - especially for young girls. and then it kinda felt to me that rott was reducing her to basically nothing more than jim’s love interest.

- okay another quick note, it kinda felt to me that krel’s potential was also pretty wasted? he barely did anything and i just think he deserved more too.

- ew okay i don’t even want to think about it but i know i can’t discuss rott without talking about the mpreg thing. seriously, what the fuck was that? at first, i thought it was going to be a joke. i thought aja and krel were gonna wind steve up and see how far they could go with making him think he was pregnant just for a little bit of comic relief. but then he was actually pregnant. and so i laughed, because even though it was dumb it was kind of funny. weird and unexpected, but kind of funny. but by the time the movie was over it just didn’t sit right with me. looking past the fact that it was just more of them making steve’s character into a joke, i couldn’t see the logic in giving so much time to that subplot when other characters (claire, douxie) and other relationships (claire and douxie’s friendship) were sidelined. maybe if he had gotten a whole season the mpreg thing could have been included as comic relief or whatever, but with such limited time i really don’t see the point of wasting so much time on something so pointless. 

- speaking of steve, i need to talk about creepslayerz... they really deserved more :( like i get that eli literally helped steve through child birth and then named one after him which was lowkey adorable but i loved their friendship so much and i was really hoping to see more of them. i was kind of hoping they’d get to do more as well. look i gave up on hopes of a romance long ago (even though i still really wished it would happen) but i hoped that at least we’d see some more of their friendship.

* by this point my brain has decided to forget absolutely every point i wanted to make... cue the brain fog (we don’t like her) and allow me to take a moment to read back and try to find my point again *

- i don’t think i can stress enough how much i loved the visuals in this movie. holy fucking shit it was just phenomenal. like wow. the art was absolutely fantastic and i’m really hoping for another the art of... book because i love the art of trollhunters and i feel that they could do with updating it to include the newer stuff. but yep, the animation quality was incredible and i don’t have a bad thing to say about it because just wow.

- speaking of art... a moment of appreciation for character designs. just wow wow wow. we love to see such intricately designed villains. we love to see growth in our other much loved characters. and the locations too? fantastic. beautiful. amazing. loved it.

- another moment of appreciation for jim. the hair. the scars. the injuries. the winter jacket. the fact that he looked a little older.... loved it. loved it, loved it, loved it. i cannot wait to spend hours pouring over reference pictures to draw them all.

- and claire... her armor being weathered and worn. her eyes!! her hair looked great as always. i just love her...

- nari nari nari... my goodness, her magic is so beautiful. i wish we got to see more.

- also, the jlaire moments were very cute. their kisses? so soft. they literally love each other so much. i adore them.

- what happened to the babies from the darklands btw? is not enrique just chilling in the lake’s house with a ton of babies? 

- barbara deserved better. i would have liked to see her and strickler happy.

- on that note, why the actual fuck did they think a few explosives would win against magic?? literal ancient magic and these dumbasses were like huh i guess we should blow it up. i’m sorry, what?? y’all are stupid.

* currently trying to think of every possible point that isn’t to do with the ending because i really don’t want to think about that yet *

- the whole thing with archie and charlemagne felt super unnecessary. like usually characters sacrifice themselves and it’s like sad and you can see the reasoning and stuff. but they literally could have gotten out. i really did not vibe with that. it felt like they just did that to leave douxie with no one.

- that trollmarket was beautiful though.

- speaking of trollmarket... they really restored the heartstone just like that? are you joking? i was not impressed at all. the heartstone was dead and gone, could not be destroyed. did they just forget that? half the shit in wizards wouldn’t have happened if the heartstone could have been restored. very pissed off by that. it was dead, that was it.

- okay back to jim... love that he pulled the sword from the stone. it was cute that it was a group effort, kinda would have preferred if it was just him but that’s just a me thing. and maybe me and my daylight tattoo are biased here, but excalibur is not half as pretty as daylight.

- not gonna lie, jim yelling come on trollhunters! kinda got me. i was very emotional watching this.

- i think the most in character jim moment of the whole movie was when he dropped excalibur, he didn’t have his armor, he was all alone and he decided to make a fist and fight the wizard/god with literally no weapon or means of defence. i don’t think y’all understand how much i love this dumb self sacrificing selfless boy. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is literally one of my most favourite characters of all time. i love him with all my heart.

- the armor!! wow wow wow. that was a fucking cool scene. beautiful.

- jim getting stabbed or whatever with that fucking spear thing nearly killed me.

- okay here goes... toby. my sweet toby. jim and toby’s friendship is one of my absolute favourites ever. my goodness. and toby getting in the van and going to save jim was incredible and such a toby thing to do. of course he would think of doing that.

- but like seriously... claire and douxie are so fucking powerful and they were both just like lol i guess we can’t do anything to help jim? i’m sorry what?? don’t tell me that claire wouldn’t go full on black and purple eyes and get herself up their to him. i just... i’m so bothered by the fact that they were sidelined y’all :|

- also, do not seriously try to tell me that aaarrrgghh!!! would let toby go on his own. he would have went with him. he would have followed him.

- literally as jim was falling the first thing that went through my mind was oh aaarrrgghh!!! is gonna run up and catch him.

- and while we’re on the topic of aaarrrgghh!!! why tf did they have such a build up that something was going to happen to either him or blinky for literally no reason? wtf

- aaarrrgghh!!! would not have let toby go alone!!! if he had been there, he would have protected toby, he would have saved him and none of that mess of an ending would have happened.

* ugh here’s the bit i was dreading... the ending *

- first off, i am choosing to ignore it.

- time stone? really? we’re... we’re gonna do this? literally one of the most original things i have ever watched is now - at the literal last possible minute - rip off another movie?? really?? whyyyy???

- i literally cannot express how much i hated it. it was so fucking unnecessary.

- he didn’t need to go back that far!!!

- i’m actually trying to block this out but i suppose i have to at least touch on it. jim would never ever put that burden on to toby. he just wouldn’t. before even looking at all of the other issues with toby getting the amulet, i need to say that. it just wouldn’t happen. he struggled so much with being the trollhunter, he wouldn’t put that on toby. 

- also toby literally never wanted to be the trollhunter?? he never wanted the amulet? he wanted to be a duke and have his war hammer and go on adventures with his best friend and his wingman and eat mexican food.

- okay so um i guess they all just forgot about unbecoming? cool cool cool.

- seriously though, was it not established many times that jim literally had to be trollhunter? and if he wasn’t it would be draal and everything would go to shit? did they just forget about that??

- having jim just decide to give toby the amulet literally takes away from the entire meaning behind jim getting the amulet and becoming the trollhunter. the amulet chose jim. merlin chose him. out of all of the creatures in the world, it had to be jim. he can’t just give that to toby!!

- and as much as i love toby, he would not last a day as trollhunter.

- and that’s not even beginning to mention all that jim erased by not becoming trollhunter. no father son relationship between him and blinky. they didn’t stop steve from picking on eli so no steve redemption and no creepslayerz. is he just going to allow enrique to be taken? toby will not have the same incentive to go into the darklands to save him if that’s the case. strickler will not show any sort of sentiment towards toby either. and then the big one...

- IS THAT FUCKER REALLY GOING TO ALLOW CLAIRE TO NOT GET HER POWERS??? WHAT???

- if jim isn’t trollhunter and the whole thing with enrique doesn’t happen then claire will never get her shadowstaff. let’s be real, strickler probably wouldn’t even need angor rot with toby as trollhunter. somehow i can’t see him making it that far...

- if claire doesn’t have her shadow staff then the whole thing with morgana won’t happen. she won’t destroy the shadow staff and then she will never develop her powers. would jim really rob her of that?

- okay i can’t do anymore, it’s too much for me now...

- i touched on this already in a separate post but i gotta say it again... i did not enjoy the destiny is a gift bit at the end. first of all, jim having toby find the amulet literally takes the meaning of that speech and his destiny away instanty. and second, i just could not stand hearing emile hirsch say the words that belonged to anton yelchin. it was just uncomfortable.

aaand i think i’m done. maybe i’ll have more later but i have a headache now from all of this.