#i texted my mom telling her how i cant study and how scared i am to take this exam

[alasy]

My mom literally got me crying

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Requested Imagine By Rachelcarroll1819: Being Hanna Sister and Being in a relationship With Jason Dilaurentis

Author notes: So- it got more steamy then I normally do, but it’s Jason its hard not make it steamy with him! I love Pretty little liars ! And whenever I have the chance I will jump too do a imagine about him lol 😂 Did I proof read? Mostly! I tried but I have a wicked Head cold/ ear infection so I re read a lot. Hopefully it’s good! If Not I’m sorry! (sorry about the spacing)

Warnings: steamy (Not full steam but Steamy)

Fandom : Pretty little liars

“HANNA!”

Howling up the stairs, the entire time praying Neither Hanna your sister Or your Mother weren’t home. The main reason was because of the man wrapped around you. Jason Dilaurentis, Mr Hottie. The Hottest brother out of all your friends. (Well too be fair. You aren’t Friends with Alison, she was more your twin sisters friend. But he counted) he’s lips brushed over your neck kissing you just at the curve too your shoulder as you tried too keep your voice from giving away that Jason was attached too your neck. you felt Jason’s lips trace over your neck. He was holding you tightly against him as you called out again making sure no one was home “MOM?” Not hearing a peep. You turned your attention too Jason who smiled not your neck

“Guess no one is home.” He chuckled softly picking you up, he carried you over too the living room kissing you as he placed you on it. He climbed into the spot beside you as you pulled back caressing he’s face. God he’s beautiful. The complicated Love that is Jason Dilaurentis . He smiled at you reaching over kissing you as yu thought about how this all happened how you were the lucky girl too get Jason. Alison Hated you! Ever since you were kids. But Jason was always nice too you. Always looking out for you when Alison went too far. When you were complaining too Spencer about being annoyed you were the only one out of the girls who haven’t kissed anyone. Jason heard. Leaped over the Fence as he leaned down and kissed you. And from that moment on you had a crush on Jason.

Jason’s lips traced down your collar bone as you reached over caressing he’s abs, your hand found itself under h’s shirt as you soon pulled it over he’s head. Jason had a big smile as he kissed you again.

Your mind raced too the moment you and Jason got together, feeling he’s lips on you as he slide your shirt off as your mind slipped again.

Hanna, And the girls were all kidnapped, right after being charged for murder. You were woken up by your mom who told you the news about Hanna you were up and in the kitchen waiting for anything. Caleb was over, So was Toby,ezra, and all the parents was pacing. You sat on the island Listening too all the guys screaming about plans. When the door Rang you glanced at the time seeing It was two am. So you answered it seeing Jason. It was pouring rain as he looked gutted. He stepped into the house hugging you tightly.

“Oh God I thought- I heard you were taken too.” Hugging Jason back you shook your head, “No- I was in bed- how are you? God I can’t believe this!’ Jason held you tightly when you heard Jason crying. You hugged him tighter saying that Alison and Hanna will be alright as Jason spoke, “I’m more relieved your safe! God.. I cant lose you too!”

And that was the start of your complicated relationship with Jason. Those too be fair everything in Rosewood was complicated. Hanna your twin sister, Her life was so complicated and full of secrets. All your friends were involved in the secrets and lies. That you tried writing it all down too make sense of it all! At last it was too complicated and too twisty. for the most part A has left you alone. . You stayed away from Alison and you made sure the moment she came back. Alive you stayed the Hell away from her and the girls. A was the only One who Knew about you and Jason. And she she Or He. Or Whoever A Is. Found out. They Sent you a Text that you still had on your phone.

A: Now that is a good match, be good too him xoxo A

At first you wanted too Tell your sister about Jason but then you remembered the time she didn’t tell you that Caleb River was secretly living in the house. You discovered that when you were home sick. You were had the the chills and heat flashes and was bundled up in a blanket wearing PJ pants nad your bra. You were going Thur the fridge looking for ginger ale when you noticed Caleb open the basement door.you screamed throwing a jug of milk at him. Then of course the Time both Hanna and All your friends hide the Alison for weeks. From you when she came back from the dead (or Ran away you weren’t really sure the real story about that) the biggest reason too Hide Jason from your family, friends, the world was Jason was in a relationship with your mother. Well Not a serious relationship it was more a friend with Benefits sort of deal but Still! Your MOM!

Either way having Jason’s lips kissing your bare neck was starting too distract you from your thoughts about being distracted. You were sitting on his lap as he held you close too him. At first you thought this would be a Fling. But the moment you kissed him for the second time you Knew it wouldn’t be just a fling it was Jason! Your long time crush! Your madly in love with him.

Holding hes head softly. You were’t excatly keen on telling youR twin “Hey dating your Best friends brother, and your mom’s ex sex buddy!” But keeping him a secret was perfect. Everyone had one in the family, the entire town it was nice too have A normal, Boyfriend and act normal! Something that was rare in your life. Kissing Jason’s lips again, your head was spinning like crazy. until Jason pushed you back and you heard it. The front door opening and hearing Hanna’s voice. You quickly slipped on your shirt as you jumped over too the front door blocking Hanna too only discover Caleb was with her.

“Oh Hey! We were about too go study you want too join?”

Hear the back door open. Caleb spoke, up, “someone here?”

He went too walk as you reached over putting your arm up, “My secret Lover.”

Hanna laughed loudly pushing you aside slightly too see what was happening seeing No one you in the house, “See!” Hanna looked around the living room. Thankfully Jason cleaned up fast gathering he’s cloths as he ran off. Caleb stared you down as he questioned you , “your lips are swollen… and your lipstick is all smeared.” Glancing up at him, you were close with Caleb. If you were going too tell anyone about Jason it would be Caleb. But he also liked treating you like a sister, and you couldn’t Handle he’s judgement over Jason. You shook your head. Thinking up a lie quick, ‘I was- Having Spaghetti! I have too go I have plans.”

“oh! Y/N! Are you still close with Jason?” You nodded your head weakly, “Yea I guess why?”

“Long story short I need you too find out who Charles is.”

Staring at your sister. Caleb rubbed his face as you Asked, “A stuff?” “Yea you mind?”

Normally Anything too do with A you involved like the pledge but Right now your thought were mainly on Jason and getting him shirtless again. Playing up like it was a annoying you walked off. Smiling too yourself getting too he’s house. Jason answered as he smiled, “Hey did Hanna?” Shaking your head he smiled pulling you inside the house and into he’s arms before Long you were sitting on him and on he’s bed. He reached over cupping your face. Your perfect moment was disturb again when the door knocked hearing Alison annoying demanding Voice.

“Jase open up! I need too talk too you!” You cover your mouth as Jason pointed too the closet as you tipped toe into the closest.

“we need too talk about this Charles thing.”

When Ali, Emily, Aria , Spencer was kidnapped, you And Jason Got close and he was thankful that you weren’t taken. You knew about the dollhouse how Hanna was handling it, you couldn’t imagine how Alison was doing . Or the other girls. Crossing your arms softly hearing Jason speak up, “I don’t know Charles! Or a Charles! Get out!” Hearing some shuffling of feet. The door closed as your closet door opened too see Jason.

“Jason- Hanna asked me too ask you about that guy too! I wasn’t going too Ijust said I was too have.a excuse too see you but Now-“

“I don’t know- Honestly.” Nodding your head weakly, the stakes felt different the game was more advance, All the girls felt it. They were always scared. Staring up at. Jason you knew you were safe, A basically gave you their blessing too be with Jason. He was one of her dolls. And it terrified you that A could turn the tables onto you both.

“I don’t know anything babe.”

Rolling your shoulders as you spoke, “A wont Stop, until they are Dead or back in that Dollhouse!”

He sighed heavily as I spoke, “what if A turns on us? What if They tell Our parents? My Mom would send me straight or hell! Then Too my dad’s too graduate with my awful step sister! JasoN! I can go too my Dads!”

“Your mom hates me that much?” Shaking your head you spoke, ‘No- but I mean- I don’ think she would be thrilled too have her little girl dating her Ex- Boyfriend?”

“what you think we should do?” Breathing deeply, “Jason- I don’t know.. but we should be careful alright. It’s bad enough A has the knowledge about us. So please.” He agreed as you kissed him bye quickly and left.

A few days passed. Your mom was out of town for work, Hanna was being well Hanna. Running around finding clues for A. You had Jason under you as you were kissing his neck. Jason always makes a low rumbling moan when you kiss his neck. Neither you or Jason were pay attention too anything but each other so when your door flinged up too see Caleb, Hanna and Spencer at your door. All stunned. You gasped as Hanna spoke, ‘No!”

‘Oh God! Jase!”

Caleb was the only one who was quite as Jasons poke, “Oh.. Hey..”

“Y/N! NO!” Hanna snapped. You slide off he’s lap as Jason spoke, “ Hanna. I’m in love with your sister!”

Hanna stared at you both as she spoke, “Oh God! Mom is going too Freak out!”

[trueslove]

✧･ﾟ: * (  park jiwon  ,  cis  female ,  she / her  )  have  you  seen  violet  hwang  around  ?   i  hear  the  twenty-one  year  old  is  working  as  an  art  director  .  did  you  know  they  have  97  love  alarm  points  ?  if  they  ever  want  to  be  truly  loved  someday  they  should  ease  up  on  being  temperamental  &  enigmatic  .  at  least  you  can  say  they’re  disarming  &  convivial,  too.  /  love alarm blocked

                     hello  !  im  xan  and  ur  watching  d*sney  channel ...  just  kidding  we  do  NOT  support  big  corporations  who  just  wanna  take  ur  money  😔  im  22  ,  from  the  est  timezone  (  even  though  my  sleeping  schedule  ...  does  not  reflect  that  sjbdwjkbdjdw  )  &  i  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns  !  im  gonna  be  honest  this  intro  is  gonna  be  completely  winged  so  buckle  up  ....  and  meet  violet  😋 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     quick stats + aesthetics  !

full name: violet hwang. 

nickname(s): vee, vivi.

zodiac: tba....

sexuality: bisexual.

birthplace: manhattan, new york.

current residence: toronto, canada.

aesthetics: maraschino cherries at the bottom of a glass, driving with the windows down at night, unanswered text messages, black nail polish, the sound of rain hitting the windowpane, kissing and not telling, smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     backstory ! 

was born and raised in nyc baby ! she’s a true city girl, grew up in lower manhattan ( the financial district if u wanna get specific ) to a family with lots of $$$$ thanks to her father’s position as a ceo of an investment bank located on wall street 

life was pretty smooth until she was 17 and her father got arrested for embezzlement and fraud </3 it was actually a huge scandal for the investment bank he worked for because it was a whole group of higher ups who had been in on these crimes. basically a bunch of already rich men trying to get richer ... disgusting ik /: 

her life changed pretty drastically after that ! the hwang name was all over the news, their family was pretty much disgraced by high society in nyc, not a very fun time for anyone but especially not for violet’s mom 

after her dad got arrested violet was uhh high key furious with him for ruining their lives with his greed and she wanted nothing to do with him, but her mom couldnt let go. she was still defending him, spending the money they had left on lawyers which included the money the family had set aside for violet’s trust fund that she would have had access to once she was 18 </3

 so her plans for college changed pretty drastically JSDBJWBDJW ( goodbye ivy league education ) she actually ended up getting into the university of toronto for visual studies on an academic scholarship 

so she made the big move all on her own....moved into a tiny dorm...and vowed to reinvent herself. she didnt wanna be labeled as the daughter of a white collar criminal anymore so she just made it a point not to talk to much abt her past to anyone 

her struggles as someone who grew up with $$$$ turning into a broke college student made for some embarrassing but funny moments <3 luckily though everyone else had their own struggles so no one found it suspicious JSBDJWBDJ

when love alarm launched three years ago, violet had just started college so it was really the Big thing anyone and everyone was talking about. since she’d never been a fan of other dating apps, she wasn’t gonna download it but her roommate at the time convinced her ! at first it was fun, just something she didnt take too seriously 

fast forward to graduation and she’s snagged a job as an art director for a little local museum, doing freelance art directing on the side to help pay the bills. low and behold one day a photographer hires her to be the art director to a shoot they’re doing for a badge club member who was in a very high profile and public relationship at the time

violet ended up working with that photographer and badge club member a handful of times, enough for her to catch fee-🤢 catch feelin-🤢 i cant even say it .. she’d never rung anyone’s love alarm before, so of course her first time had to be with someone who was already taken </3 safe to say she ... freaked out 

she was embarrassed above all else, but also heartbroken bc in her head like ... why would someone who literally is part of an exclusive club based on ppl ringing their love alarm care that she rung theirs ? she didnt think it’d be a big deal to them the way it was to her ( but also didn’t stick around long enough to find out jsxbsjbdjw ) 

when she was offered the block she didn’t hesitate to use it figuring it’s better if no one knows her romantic feelings ever again like that /: she’d delete the app but a part of her still likes knowing there are ppl out there who DO like her like that so ... Rip truly 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     personality + tidbits !

she comes across as ... kind of a bitch SDJBJWBJWBDW it’s truly not on purpose she just has a pretty serious resting expression most of the time ( so she looks mad or annoyed even when she isn’t ) and she’s pretty difficult to get to know ? not to mention the fact that no one has ever witnessed her ring someone’s love alarm .. so all that combined just makes it easy to assume she’s some sort of ice queen when that’s far from the truth /: 

violet really isn’t one to open up too deep to people, but that’s got a lot to do with the past she’s kind of running away from ! so if you’re her friend most of the stuff you know about her is probably surface stuff, but when she’s close to someone she can make that fact hard to realize ? she just has a way with making the people in her life feel important so it’s easy not to be focused on how much you know about her 

never bothers to correct the people that misjudge her. if you don’t like her, if you want to make up assumptions and rumors about her, go ahead like violet really won’t stop you which can sometimes make meeting new people difficult </3 if you’ve seen the dating class webdrama chuu was in she’s kinda like oh seyoung’s chara joowon 🤧

if she wants to, though, she’s pretty good at getting people to like her / trust her ! she does this a lot in professional situations, which is why she’s been doing so well as an art director so far despite being so young 

she’s also very loyal to her friends ! if you can’t ask for extra sauces at mcdonald’s....if you can’t make a phone call to your credit card company explaining that a $3,000 charge to starbucks wasn’t you.....she’s your girl <3 since she’s relatively not bothered by the way people see her ( unless it has to do with her past ) she’s usually the one speaking up if someone she cares about can’t 

after the ... incident ... JSDBWJDBWJ she’s really not a fan of the badge club and everything it stands for ): BUT she continues to do art directing work for a lot of the members when they do photoshoots, or instagram campaigns, or if they have a pop up shop, etc. it’s good money and she needs every penny considering she’s living without support from her family 

cannot cook to save her life so she’s always eating out .. this really is why she’s taking those more high profile jobs she can’t budget .. but it’s better, safety wise at least, that she continues wasting her money on takeout aha <3 

pretends she’s not a romantic and is all about the ~casual flings~ but really she’s just afraid of serious feelings and the idea of a serious relationship ... it’s the trauma 😔 constantly jokes shes gonna bring the tinder whore era back JWDBWJBDJW she is sick of this true love nonsense ! ( the irony of this url ahaha... ) 

she’s the most social after a few drinks, since drunk her isn’t burdened by a mind that overthinks literally everything the way she is sober. if you don’t supervise her though she can get pretty carried away and probably get into some kind of trouble so she’s definitely not the person you want to be in charge on a night out !

really wants a dog but doesn’t think she’s cut out to be a pet parent it feels just as scary as the idea of having an actual kid so ... BDWBDJW if you have a pet ? she’s gonna be living vicariously through you <3 

━  ˙ ˖  ☆     wanted connections !

the photographer that hired her / introduced her to the badge club member she ended up having feelings for 

the badge club remember she had / has feelings for because we love suffering 😈

old roommates from college !! maybe even the one that got her to download love alarm in the first place hehehe

also a current roommate / roommates because your girl can’t afford to live on her own <3

someone she’s confided in about her past ( maybe they judged her for it and had a falling out, or maybe they remain confidants ) 

an ex bf or gf she dated while she was in school ! she never rang their love alarm ( even though this was pre block ) so maybe that’s why things ended between them. or maybe they never rang each others and it was just a mutual thing where they both didn’t really have feelings for each other and tried to date anyway and it didn’t work. or perhaps they dated and when violet realized she was starting to have those feelings she dipped before she ever got a chance to ring their love alarm bc she didn’t want to be exposed like that and commitment is scary ): 

spare best friend ? i’d use a knife emoji to show you how serious i am but i dont wanna scare anyone away aha .. i would just love a best friend plot 🥺

current flings / hookups or past flings / hookups ! i imagine most of them to not be serious but it would be kinda cool if there was someone she’s seeing now that she’s got the love alarm block that she’s actually falling for considering she’s never gonna be able to ring their love alarm hehehehe

people she art directs for !! i imagine she’s got a pretty long list of employers ( from badge club members to regular folk  🤧 ) so it would be cool to have people who hire her for stuff, or who collaborate with her for artistic endeavors since i’ve noticed we have a lot of artsy muses <3 

ummm maybe an enemy. but where it’s like .. the hate isn’t even that deep it’s just like oh you dislike me ? well i dislike you FIRST 😠 and they insult each other and try and sabotage each other like five year olds fighting on the playground like it seems super serious to them but to everyone watching it’s like ... can you guys just get over it you dumb babies KSDBSDBWD like they could probably be good friends if they just .. stopped 

and you’ve reached the end of this NOVEL of an intro post JDBJWBDJWBDW im literally so sorry i tried not to ramble but ..... its just who i am </3 please come shoot me a message to plot !!! you can use tumblr ims but im way more available / quicker to respond on discord so if u wanna add me there and plot u can find me at junhee mr. soft hands ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172  i also did not check this post for typos so if u find one ... mind ur business 😭😭😭 

[freebooter4ever]

my dad group texted my brother and i, highly unusual, and i think jordan was weirded out too cause his response was equally short and confused. on the list of things my little brother and i have never discussed, our dad’s relative interest or lack there of in our lives is pretty high. dad’s been messaging me since october, asking about stuff like where my next living plans are (which he has never done since i first moved out age eighteen), and i’ve only been vaguely responding to the point blank questions cause its just. so. weird. i think my grandpa’s death has shaken dad’s worldview a bit more than he’s been letting on.

he alienated my brother and i pretty much immediately after his secretive marriage to the bottle blonde rich bitch when i was 22. he kicked my brother out as soon as jordan turned 18, and when i discovered this by coming home one summer and seeing jordan wasnt in the house, i got so fucking mad that it was the first time i ever had a full out screaming match at my dad. and apparently this display of anger was when rich bitch decided she didn’t like me (probably valid, but also ironic because pretty much from birth it was known in my entire extended family that dad and i were almost identical personality wise, and both of us have tempers where we will not get mad at anything but frustration will build up and up until on the rare blue moon it boils over, and oh boy. watch out. those moments were the only times i was ever scared of my dad as a kid and i think it only happened twice in my entire life)(if she thinks im crazy when im angry, she should see my dad)

but i was crazy mad because while i was lucky enough to be put in therapy due to attempting to starve myself into non existence at age 13 (many many sessions of ‘family’ therapy with me in the center of a long couch silently trying to pretend i was invisible and my mom two feet away at one end and dad on the opposite end of the couch, and my mom doing all the talking, ranting and raving about how im starving myself to punish her. and then the therapist kicking both my parents out and trying to convince me to say a few words, and her finally getting me to realize that how my mom treated me was not normal and not something i needed to put up with if it made me sad and scared, and then the therapist realizing that i was still too sad and scared to confront it, and her and i coming up with a compromise where we would tell my mom that i was just ‘really attached’ to dad’s house and it wasnt that i was terrified of living with my mom or liked my dad better, it was that i just really liked living in one place instead of out of a suitcase and moving every week), and so had both the therapist and my dad supporting me when at fourteen i finally said enough was enough and demanded that my dad get full custody so i didnt have to spend every other week with my abusive mother anymore - while i got out of that situation, my brother didnt. i tried, he knew that it was my decision to live full time with dad and i made it clear he could do the same, but just as it was a given that i was identical to dad’s personality, my brother was identical to mom’s so i think he was more attached to her than i was. either way, he always refused and insisted on continuing to live between both of them. after i hit driving age, my dad transferred responsibility to me for shuttling my brother to and from my dad’s house to my mom’s apartment. dad’d lock himself in his room, or go to the gym, and i’d turn on an endless rotation of star wars movies for jordan and i to watch before i had to take him to his next week’s place (phantom menace was our favorite cause darth maul was just cool ok, dont judge).

anyway, the last day i ever stayed at my moms house, my brother was there. and i must have been twenty or twenty one because he would have only been around seventeen. but even at seventeen he was well over six foot five cause he got all the height in the family which was totally not fair but thats besides the point. so while i was there my mom flew into one of her alcohol induced rages, and took it all out on my brother. i had intellectually figured that all the anger my mom used to take out on me had then transferred to my brother once i stopped living there every other week, but up until that point i hadn’t actually seen it. she started shoving him, and punching him, and not enough so it would hurt much, because as i said he was well over six feet and she was barely five six, so he could pretty well block any thing she dished out. but he was cornered, and he looked scared. and i was hiding useless on the stairwell, crying, and begging mom to stop. and it only stopped cause jordan managed to slip out the front door and once he escaped mom went back into the kitchen, still yelling and angry. and i took the chance to grab my school bag and leave in solidarity. and my brother and i stood there awkwardly on the porch, me still crying, and him smoking and trying to look cool and not like he just got chased out of the apartment by a woman half his size. and i promised him we wouldnt go back until she calmed down, and that she was being unreasonable and he didnt deserve any of it, and id figure out somewhere to go. and we started walking down the sidewalk, but not together because we were never that close. he wandered off somewhere to smoke. and that’s as far as i remember.

this day came up in conversation with my grandma in the months after grandpa’s death, during one of our many three am can’t sleep conversations in grandma’s kitchen (grandma would wake up, i’d hear her get out of bed and wake up too. she’d make herself tea and eat some graham crackers and we’d sit together at the table feeling the third empty chair like an ache). grandma brought it up, because apparently, even though i cant remember this at all, i had my no/kia brick phone in my school bag (a minor miracle because i hated carrying around cell phones for the longest time), and i actually called grandma. and grandpa and her came to pick me up, and they found me sitting on a wall a block away from my mom’s apartment, and then we drove around till we found jordan, and then we all went back to my grandparent’s house. after bringing this up, grandma then, completely unprompted, told me something that child me thought about regularly - she said that even though her mom died when she was 8, leaving her to help raise her two younger siblings, grandma thought in some ways it was easier than what my brother and i went through with the divorce and my mom leaving. i used to regularly - not wish my mom dead, exactly - but wish i could pretend she was dead, rather than her just not being there anymore. especially since, when i was suddenly thrown into being her sole emotional and physical punching bag now that dad wasn’t filling the role anymore, a lot of the times being around her post divorce was not a good thing. (I cut off all contact with my mom finally at age 25 and haven’t looked back)

so yeah, i was fucking pissed that i had worked so hard to try to mitigate the damage i caused by leaving jordan alone with my mom for pretty much the entirety of my high school years...only to have my dad kick him out barely a few years after i left for college and thus putting my brother at my mom’s mercy. ostensibly my dad kicked my brother out because of his drug addictions, but my brother was the most mild mannered addict i’ve ever known. the worst thing he ever did was steal a couple hundred dollars from me, but he never got violent, he never got angry. other people got angry at him. my aunt once tried to fight him in a hospital elevator because he sold my cousin heroin or meth or some shit and my cousin ended up impaling a knife in his chest in front of my grandma, which is a whole nother story. but jordan was only nineteen when that happened. my cousin? thirty six. and a long time violent and angry drug addict with a record (he threw a book at his professor’s head and got kicked out of grad school while on cocaine once, which is how he ended up back in washington state and needing a new drug dealer - hence my brother suddenly getting involved) (same cousin later flew into a drug fueled rage in his forties and almost beat his girlfriend to death) (my brother was long since clean by then and had nothing to do with our cousin getting drugs at that point)

all this to say my dad’s rich bitch new wife didn’t think a drug addict and mentally ill artist fit into her picture perfect family, so dad started making it clear we were not welcome at family functions unless we complied with very strict rules. ironically, jordan was let back into the fold first partially because i can hold a grudge for a very long time and i was very very terrified of my mom and dad was the sane stable one and i had trusted him to take care of everything even without me there and dad had failed pretty spectacularly at that. im still bitter at my dad for his secret marriage and subsequent moving into her million dollar mansion and throwing my brother out. but also partially because jordan started following all of dad’s rules, got himself cleaned up (he moved in with his girlfriend, and i think being out of mom’s house had a lot to do with getting over his addictions), started studying computer science, found a really good software engineering job, suddenly dad approved of him. i also partially antagonized rich bitch wife by doing silly things like wearing black leather pants and the most provocative clothes i owned whenever i went over to their house. rich bitch was a very simple narrow minded person with a lot of prejudices. i imagine i was not seen as a good influence on her two younger daughters. and eventually they stopped seeing me altogether. even when i was living in washington for all of 2017 - the only time i ever saw dad was when he’d come visit my grandparents alone. the day before i took grandma on the train to move to ohio, we were supposed to all have dinner together at our family’s favorite place to eat out - crossroads mall - and the rich bitch refused to show up. that’s how petty she is. she also is so dumb she’s under the delusion that kids get into drugs if they don’t have dogs (????) so that’s why she forced my dad to get a dog for her spoiled brat youngest when the girl went into high school. my dad dislikes animals, so i will say one of the highlights of this marriage is seeing my dad become a dog person. the rich bitch and her daughters mostly ignore the dog, but my dad is so attached to max that he even lets the little puppy sit in his lap while driving. anyway, anyone who thinks dogs are the sole answer to preventing drug addictions can go to hell.

yeah, blah blah blah, to sum up its WEIRD for my dad to suddenly be texting my brother and i unprompted, and asking me about my life and my plans. i dont really know how to deal. i miss him. he was always the closest person in my life to the point where even when i moved away for college, i still assumed after i graduated i’d just move back in with dad so it was only four years being gone, cause why would i ever want to live anywhere else?. i kept thinking if i could hit some level of success that he would approve of, that maybe eventually i could become somebody his rich bitch wife would associate with. but that never happened, obviously. 

[valhalla-awaitsfor-us]

My last 10 years, a little catharsis by me

In the last 10 years happened a lot and I changed so fucking much. I just wanted to write it down before going crazy with feelings

Trigger warning

School years

10 years ago I had just changed schools. I was twelve and my new school was Catholic. I’ve never believed in anything. It was the first time I went to Mass, and I remember confusing the word "Osana" with Obama. Everyone laughed, myself included. In my old school people were not very nice and education was deplorable. But I had one or two friends, and my crush, who was also my friend. The first year after changing schools I lost contact with all of them.

In the first year of school I met who I considered my best friend for the longest time. For two years she was my only friend. At that time, I was extremely afraid to speak out loud, I was afraid to look people in the eye, I was afraid not to think like the rest. In retrospect, my social anxiety began at the time, but I didn't know it. Not yet.

Two years passed and the school made us decided between 3 modalities of studies: “Social Sciences”, “Natural Sciences” or “economics”. I chose social and my best friend economics. We were separated, but I thought it would be fine. I made a new friend. A girl I connected with right away. My old crush from the other school texted me, and we became friends again. My grades were decent and life was good ... And then naughty rumors spread about me. My new friend stopped talking to me, and started bullying me like the rest of the school. They made me trip over on the stairs, nobody talked to me, everyone laughed. The school never intervened. In fact, they blamed me. I remember that on a 15th birthday, the birthday girl had a giant screen where people could send messages to be projected. All were congratulations on her birthday. And then, suddenly a humiliating message addressed to me appeared on the screen. More than 200 people saw that message. Sometime later my crush got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me. And shortly after that I discovered that my father cheated on my mother with more than one woman.

For a full year I was alone and scared all the time. Alone at school, alone at home. I only had my dog. For a whole year I was almost mute. I start writing suicided notes, that then I would burn. My depression started at that moment. And yet, I didn’t know it.

When I turned 16 bullying decreased. My new friend, the one who had also made fun of me, apologized and we became friends again. It was a… decent year, I guess. My father knew that I knew, but he never said anything, and I kept hiding the secret, feeling how it was eating me alive which each day passing.

I was 17 in my last year of high school. It was a good year, full of decisions and emotions. I felt comfortable, comfortable to be myself for the first time in my life, even when I didn't know who I was. At the end of that year, my classmates and I went to the typical “graduation trip” that every school makes in my country. A trip to the snowy mountains of Bariloche. For a week we were going to ski during the day, and go clubbing at night. During that trip I got drunk for the first time, and in tears I confessed to my friends (yes, plural!) that my father was cheating on my mother. It was the first time I said it out loud and I felt liberated. When we returned from the trip we continued studying. I started going out to clubs to dance and gave my first kiss one of those nights with a drunk idiot. When the year ended I only failed of math, but I was already used to it. In my graduation I fought with my mother and ended up crying.

College

I decided I was going for a 4 years’ degree, Im not sure how to called it on English, in Social Communication.

But first I went to study English in New York for a month. During that month I lived in the campus (We don’t have campus in Argentina, so it was crazy for me!!), and my roommates were from Peru and Brazil. There I met 5 girls who changed my life. The six of us became very close, even though we have lost contact in the present day. During that month I felt a freedom that I had never felt. I felt really alive. Live to not be afraid to express myself, live to defend myself and make me respect, live as if to forget, for at least 4 weeks, that I had anxiety and depression. That month was the happiest of my life.

Then, I had to go back to Buenos Aires. I tried to get accepted into university to study "Social Communication", and I had to take 4 exams. I passed 3 with honors, but I failed in math. But it didn't matter because by the time I failed the exam I didn't even want to study that anymore. I decided that I would be a film student. And I did it. I enrolled for a 3-year film degree.

In college I met my best friends. The two girls I met at school are my oldest friends. But the people I met in college are my family. And when everything finally seemed to be calming down ... my father left us, my aunt died and my dog ​​died. All in less than two weeks. I remember that my aunt died a week before Halloween. Because I went to a party at the house of a friend's acquaintances and got drunk. I ended up making out with a guy who had been flirting with me for a while. It was my first and last made out session to the date. He tried to contact me after, but I never answered his texts. I still think about him.

My mom fell into severe depression.

I had to take care of keeping my father away, and going to appointments with the lawyer with her for the first few years. I lost contact with my paternal grandparents. My grandfather stills ignore me when he sees me.

I still miss my dog ​​every day and I know that I am guilty of the circumstances of his death.

But I keep studying, becoming my mother's emotional rock, and allowing her to heal. I was 18 and alone, dealing with everyone emotions, and just wishing to die. My father harassed me in the meantime.

But I keep studying and graduate at the age of 21.

My mother never thanked me, with words or actions. Now she is obsessed with living the perfect life and dating a bunch of men. She is unstable and sometimes I don't sleep waiting for her to come home safely. I don’t feel attracted to anyone, I don’t feel like having sex. I’ve never had my “sexual” awakening so Im starting to think Im in the ace spectrum. She said Im just frigid ad Im gonna die alone if I don’t star using my body to get men… We live fighting and I'm exhausted. Im not the daughter she wanted, and she is not scared of telling me that.

This past year I specialized in script writing along with a friend. But I'm still unemployed, and all my free time makes me think things I shouldn't be thinking. My depression evolved. Before it was just sadness and now it's also rage. But I no longer feel guilty for speaking my mind or looking people in the eyes. I'm fed up. All my life I lived feeling bad, but what these last years’ taught me is that I am worth more. And although anger is not the right way, it sometimes helps you to leave behind those negative feelings that people like me usually have about ourselves. I was so fed up, so angry, that I start speaking my mind. Yes, my anxiety is still there. But I came a long way from that shy girl who would talk for a whole year. Im watching my cousin grow, and the inspire me to do better. I fight with my friends but I love them, and I know they will always be there for me. I feel numb most of the time, thanks to my depresion, but at the same time I cant deny Im changing in some way.

And that… that think is a good start.

[sgnjongin]

all the texts~~

😟 a worried text-

[ jolie fille –> ] did u get my text last night??[ jolie fille –> ] u havent answered[ jolie fille –> ] yoori gdi fucking answer me its important i gotta know if ur coming tonight or if im gonna be able to actually have some fun[ jolie fille –> ] YOORI

🤡 a goofy text-

[ jolie fille –> ] just a thought but like[ jolie fille –> ] what if we made[ jolie fille –> ] like a suicide pact lol[ jolie fille –> ] u can go first

💖 a loving text-

[ jolie fille –> ] u handled that convo with mr baldy well, nice diplomacy[ jolie fille –> ] i was just gonna punch him in his pretty gold suit[ jolie fille –> ] what a fucktard[ jolie fille –> ] poor doesnt mean stupid what the fuck planet is he on

🤐 an awkward text-

[ jolie fille –> ] this is a bit far fetched but,,,,,,[ jolie fille –> ] did i leave my pants over in the hallway outside ur door??[ jolie fille –> ] can u check for me

💤 a half-asleep text-

[ jolie fille –> ] did u survive ur walk back from the library[ jolie fille –> ] did the ghosts get u[ jolie fille –> ] no????[ jolie fille –> ] see i told u shits not real dumbass

😊 a happy text-

[ jolie fille –> ] my mother just called to let us know that dinner tonight will be canceled, no need to show up[ jolie fille –> ] ur free for another couple of hours at least[ jolie fille –> ] and so am i

🤔 a nonsensical text-

[ jolie fille –> ] did u know the chemical they used to make teflon steel is now found in the blood of every single human on the fucking planet?????[ jolie fille –> ] like wtf[ jolie fille –> ] this some hiroshima shit fuck america honestly

🙏 an apologetic text-

[ jolie fille –> ] i’m sorry i was late getting back to the room ok i didnt know u were alone in here with my father did he do something to you did he touch you[ jolie fille –> ] i got distracted i didnt realize[ jolie fille –> ] yoori i see u looking at ur phone, fucking answer me

❎ a text meant for someone else-

[ jolie fille –> ] {attachment opened: dick pic}[ jolie fille –> ] oops that wasn’t meant for u[ jolie fille –> ] that’s for my ~~~~~mistress~~~~~ lol

🕰️ an early morning text-

[ jolie fille –> ] if ur getting coffee, pick me up one too[ jolie fille –> ] just do it i’ll pay u[ jolie fille –> ] isn’t that all u want anyway???? money?????

🌑 a late night text-

[ jolie fille –> ] why are u texting me from 2 rooms away we are literally 2 rooms away yoori[ jolie fille –> ] I’M NOT ABANDONING U IN A HAUNTED HOUSE IM LITERALLY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HALLWAY WTF

🥴 a drunk text-

[ jolie fille –> ] youve ee ruinedd everything[ jolie fille –> ] everythtuing[ jolie fille –> ] myy hwole life what why do u think im  fuckcign ilike tis yoori[ jolie fille –> ] becausee of u[ jolie fille –> ] u bithc

🗑️ a text that wasn’t sent-

[ jolie fille –> ] i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate the way you hate me i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you[ jolie fille –> ] one of these days he’s gonna try to make me kill you[ jolie fille –> ] what will i do then[ jolie fille –> ] what would you look like with my hands around that pretty porcelain neck?

👀 a dirty text-

[ jolie fille –> ] idk u look like the kind of girl who likes getting her hair pulled[ jolie fille –> ] if u weren’t such a fucking virgin tho ofc[ jolie fille –> ] like even if ur not a virgin, you put out Strong Virgin Vibes, it messes with my zen honestly[ jolie fille –> ] if u begged nicely enough i could help u with that tho

⚠️ a scared text-

[ jolie fille –> ] can u phone my mom[ jolie fille –> ] she’s not answering me[ jolie fille –> ] maybe she’ll answer u[ jolie fille –> ] i just need her to pick up[ jolie fille –> ] she doesn’t usually not have her phone, u know how she gets[ jolie fille –> ] and i know how my father can get[ jolie fille –> ] with her[ jolie fille –> ] sometimes[ jolie fille –> ] just fucking call her[ jolie fille –> ] now

🚨 an urgent text-

[ jolie fille –> ] do me a solid and turn in my chem homework, its on my desk, clearly marked, dokki is probs sitting on it[ jolie fille –> ] cant do it myself, family emergency

👯‍♀️ a supportive text-

[ jolie fille –> ] look i know ur studying for ur exam tonight so i took the liberty of filling up ur room with clocks![ jolie fille –> ] alarm clocks[ jolie fille –> ] 256 of them ticking~~~~[ jolie fille –> ] so you can find the time~~~~[ jolie fille –> ] to get a fucking life~~~~[ jolie fille –> ] at least u wont miss ur exam[ jolie fille –> ] ur welcome

🔪 a hateful text-

[ jolie fille –> ] you think im weak but at least i wouldnt sell my soul and my pride to the devil for some fucking social standing[ jolie fille –> ] you would never get anywhere on your own without me[ jolie fille –> ] you think you’re so clean but your family sold you to us and you agreed to it, youre still fitting yourself into this role[ jolie fille –> ] i was born here, i dont have a choice, but you? you fucking chose this[ jolie fille –> ] what a gold-digging slut you are[ jolie fille –> ] you and my father deserve each other

😢 a sad text-

[ jolie fille –> ] all these pictures theyre taking of us…..[ jolie fille –> ] i cant belive im here looking like a whole snack and u look like the trash the maid just took out[ jolie fille –> ] all these pics are gonna have to be burned, im so sad

😡 an angry text-

[ jolie fille –> ] WHY ARE U TELLING KAI TO DITCH ME[ jolie fille –> ] HE TOLD ME WHAT U SAID WTF[ jolie fille –> ] MY SON WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME HE’S LOYAL UNLIKE SOME BITCHES OUT HERE

👋 a goodbye text-

[ jolie fille –> ] i doubt we have to spend the holidays together[ jolie fille –> ] so glad i won’t have to hear ur whiny-ass voice for a full couple of weeks it’s gonna be GLORIOUS

🔎 a revealing text-

[ jolie fille –> ] do u remember when we first met??[ jolie fille –> ] i doubt u remember it the way i remember it

❓ for me to choose randomly- 😡 an angry text-

[ jolie fille –> ] put a fucking leash on ur family[ jolie fille –> ] they’re fucking embarrassing themselves[ jolie fille –> ] like apes[ jolie fille –> ] u ppl wouldnt know decorum or class if they hit u in the face

[rint4rous]

meeting the parents: karmelle

(this is so long hhhh)

karma met the (step)mom first

he already sorta met her in the summer trip since she was one of the assassins in the hotel

but they properly met when he comes over anielle’s house after school

as anielle unlocks the door karmas ready for her little siblings running up to her and welcoming her home and saying hi to him

but to his surprise its a woman with her arms crossed thats there when they walk in

wowie ! its arime kiriya !

anielle seems unbothered and ignores that her mom looks mad as shes taking off her shoes

“didnt know youd be home today”

“daichi says you skipped training for a week again.”

“daichi says a lot of things especially about me, probably to stray you from the fact hes failing one of his classes”

theres a screech from the kitchen

“?!!???!! SHES LYING DONT LISTEN TO HER”

arime just sighs, shaking her head

meanwhile karmas standing there like …?? um ok

as hes taking his shoes off, arime notices him

“oh, the boyfriend.”

ani: um??? no??? hes not??? my boyfriend???

“this is karma,,,”

“is he staying for dinner??”

karmas kinda panicking and his Respecful Mode is ON

hes not really intimidated, she just seems like a ‘normal’ mom to him but at the same time ..

this .. arime kiriya might be a pro assassin but before that she’s still anielle’s mom

he doesn’t really care about first impressions

so he has no idea why hes worrying now

“i usually do, unless you don’t want me to??”

“oh no no i would have insisted you stay if you said no”

anielle grabs karmas wrist

“call us down when foods ready”

shes dragging him up the stairs

she lets go of his wrist when they got in her room and shes like

“yeah um,, thats my mom,, i didnt know she would be home”

“shes different from what i expected?? from the trip she seemed more intimidating”

“oh shes actually pretty nice ?? we get in playful arguments sometimes but yeah even though shes not always at home she tries her best”

dinner time !

anielle said they werent together but arime could tell that even tho they werent tgt yet there was something there

arime asks karma a few questions as they’re eating and when karma answers, his tone’s polite and tame

anielle notices this

she finds it a little amusing, but honestly cute more than anything

when karma goes home arime says

“he seems like a good kid. you like him?”

ani, blushing: ?!??!!?! n-no

arime: ok sure

after that karma sees arime whenever shes home

he usually comes over anielles house so

but on the times that ani doesnt come home with karma, arime invites him for dinner

he says yes every time

arime always refers to him as the boyfriend though

not your boyfriend, but THE boyfriend

“you gonna invite the boyfriend over?” “how’s the boyfriend?” “ask the boyfriend if he wants to eat dinner with us”

anielles like please stop calling him that (1) he isnt my bf and (2) even if he was it sounds so weird and lame

(when karmelle start officially dating though she refers to him as karma)

karma eventually gets comfortable that he drops the Timid Tone and starts talking like himself

arimes not shocked at the change

HHH she looked thru the poor kid’s records and looked him up after they met because she has to know abt him if hes gonna end up with her daughter so she knew abt his personality and was waiting for it to show

arime’s honestly amused by him but she likes him and still thinks hes a good kid

he gets invited to their training sometimes

and sometimes gets to spar with arime he almost beat her once

as for ani’s (birth) mom, karma goes with anielle to the cemetery whenever she asks for mental support because sometimes it gets a little too much for her

the first time he went was after the incident with shiro

anielle wasnt planning on bringing him, but he insisted

he couldnt leave her alone, not after the emotional torture shiro put her through

when she broke down in his arms, he knew coming with her was the best decision, even if she didnt like the idea at first

the dad .. he met him three months after arime

karma knew that he was in the ministry of defense and is friends with karasuma, but was dealing with things overseas

thats all he really knew, he was expecting someone like karasuma

karma and ani were just playing a game tgt

then they hear the doorknob rattling ?!??!?!

out of instinct, anielle grabs the gun she keeps under the sofa hjgfhjksd

shes walking slowly towards the door gun in hand

the door opens

“i swear to god yuto i told you to stop doing that.. stop trying to scare the kids and open the door anielles gonna accidentally shoot you one of these days” arime scolds him as they walk in

yuto just laughs

anielle drops the gun and runs to hug her dad,, she hasnt seen him in months

“see! she had a damn gun ready!” arime sighs, pulling their luggage in

she sees karma “oh hi karma!! how you been?”

“good,,”

“so you’re karma? are you gonna join us for lunch?”

karmas like this is like meeting arime all over again

man he never thought his Respectful and Polite Mode would make a comeback but here he is

HHH karma: no fear

yuto: hi

karma: one fear

“yes sir”

anielles trying so hard not to laugh,, she cant believe karma just called her dad SIR HRKHHKJJKH

she and arime are silently snickering together while karma sits there as yuto studies him

“i’ll go start making the food,,” arime heads to the kitchen

“elly, go help your mom”

karma and anielle knew it was to get karma alone with him,, ani doesnt argue and goes to the kitchen

“arime and karasuma told me a lot about you.”

“oh”

yuto asks karma questions, but they arent Extra ykno

hes not Overly Protective, but hes more protective of ani because out of the two oldest, he knows anielle was affected by their mothers death most and took longest to get over it

he just wants to get to know karma

after arime karma was expecting the dad to be like her except more strict and intimidating but

for arime, it took two months for him to drop the timid tone

for yuto, it took an hour

hes still answering politely, but now hes including some snarky remarks as a joke and is talking in his usual tone

arime calls them for lunch

they all talk while eating and karma could tell the dad likes him too

hes just happy he got both of anis parents to like him

anielle met karmas parents like two weeks after graduation,, meaning karmelle are tgt now

she decided to tag along when karma went to the airport when they were coming back from a trip

he said they were coming back for a bit to spend time with him and to congratulate him for graduating

anielle didnt really know what to expect

shes looking at her phone when she hears a “karma!!!!”

she looks up and sees a woman waving at karma and a man beside her

as they’re approaching, his mom notices anielle beside him

“oh you came with... your girlfriend?”

“hi, i’m anielle!” ani greets. “i hope i’m not being a bother by being here?”

“not at all! i didn’t know our karma had a girlfriend?? since when??”

“we haven’t been together for long, but we met during our second year,,”

his mom turns to karma, “you dont tell your folks anything nowadays”

karma just shrugs

anielle shares brief greetings and conversations with his dad, the mom talks more

they dropped off their things and anielle stays for an hour and leaves so they can settle in

she gets invited to eat out with them the next day

(bruh all of these involve eatinf i am so original)

she gets to really talk with his parents

karmas mom jokes around like “our problem child managed to get himself a girl!!! he’s a real handful, isn’t he?”

anielle laughs it off, “hes tiring to deal with sometimes, but i manage. you learn to have patience with him”

karma: Bruh

ani came over sometimes, and she got to know the parents better (and vice versa, they just dont know shes a hitman)

they really like her, she keeps karma in check and they think she brings out the best in him,, shes reckless and chaotic just like karma but if she needs to, shes able to stop karma from doing stupid things and he actually listens so

his parents arent the kind that are like “wanna see karmas baby pics” to embarass him hes thankful

after a month they leave again

ani got their numbers, and the mom texts her from time to time to check up on karma (and her !!)

(karma doesnt know this)

[imakemyownworld]

When The Party’s Over pt.2

Part One

This is longish.

It is only a second part and Im setting some foundations for the fic therefore there’s not much of Ethan here but more of my (Bellas) struggles and relationship with Lucas. Somewhere in the middle of this I realised it was half biographical. I always had the strong urge to write about my own life and experiences as I never talk about them (as Bella) irl. I promise the next part will be all about E. :)

Also, if you do read this, please give me some critiques. I know it’s not nearly perfect and I would love to get some feedback. I just recently made this tumblr after being a fan of Gray and E for a good while now and I’m so happy I did. All the people I see here seem so genuinely interesting, funny, creative and nice. Thank you ! xx

Exactly one week has passed since I last saw Ethan. He sent me some messages but I didn't reply, I knew he was busy making a video and that he is going home tomorrow to visit his family for Thanksgiving. My family group chat was going crazy though. My sister who is living in Europe couldn’t book a flight and I wasn't replying to any messages. I just couldn't find the strength to do so, so I figured I'll just show up tomorrow morning, get through the weekend and come back.

I spent the rest of the day studying and scrolling through every possible social network then went to sleep ignoring every text I got.

I'm there in an hour. Xx I texted the group chat as I sat down in my car and turned the engine on. I skimmed through other messages. Ethan was complaining about something Grayson did and Ivy had boy issues. Did I want to see a text from Lucas? Sure, but I never expected one. It's Thanksgiving and everyone is with their families.

I met Lucas two years ago at a film festival in Los Angeles. I was there because I love cinema and Ethan managed to get me some tickets and Lucas was studying film at university near by. At that time I was probably at worst with my depression and anxiety as I just started taking classes at my university. He asked Ivy and me if we wanted to go to the after party and we didn't think twice about it. I never thought I would be someone who does drugs, I was always strongly against it. But he made it seem so normal. He was handsome, to me. He was skinny and every shirt was too big for him. Later I realised those shirts were fine before, but he lost weight. Still, there was something about him. He was mysterious, he loved photography and he talked about movies non stop. He acted cool but I could tell how passionate he is about things he loves. Both of us had something dark in us but neither one of us wanted to talk about it and we understood that about each other. From the moment we met and our friends started hanging out each other everybody already thought we were together. We would tease each other all the time while dancing and hanging around but since we were both kind of distant when sober we were scared to do anything about it. All until one night he kissed me. He kissed me like it was something we do all the time, but it wasn't. He didn't acknowledge it the next day and I remember freaking out about it with Ivy. Next time I saw him it took me every singe atom of bravery in my body to ask him about it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I called him and we separated from our friend group, we walked along the beach in Venice on a chilly summer night.

“Do you remember that we kissed?” I asked him in the middle of his sentence. He froze for a bit and then he made the grimace I couldn't decipher. 

“No” he said quietly “When?” he was looking at me and I could tell that he felt horrible. I tried to look as if I don't care and I was ready to brush it off.

“At the club, last weekend. It’s fine, I just wanted to clear that up. I wasn’t sure if you didn't want to acknowledge it or just don’t remember” I turned around to get back to where our friends were.

“Stop” he took my hand and I felt relief “Im really sorry. You know how I am, I go overboard sometimes and I do things...” he stopped talking. Do things he usually wouldn't? If so, I didnt want to hear about it. I pulled my hand from him.

“...do things I would usually be scared of doing” he said almost painfully. Knowing him today, I know how hard that must have been for him. After that things started heating up between us two. We were never together, we knew that would never work out as we couldn’t communicate normally when sober. But we silently cared about each other, even though we never said it out loud.

At that festival after party we were dancing when he handed me half of the pill and kissed my cheek. I looked at it for a while then looked at him. He was dancing and smiling, seemed so carefree. If someone told me a month ago I would be holding that in my hand I wouldn’t believe them. Even then it looked so wrong in my hand. And then I took it and it was the best night of my life.

We kept on partying like that every other weekend. We didn’t know much about each other but we also knew everything. We would take something then hook up and sleep for what seemed like hours, or minutes. Sometimes I was so out of it I didnt know if I was dreaming or not. We shared those times together, he was the only one I wasn’t ashamed to be around like this. He understood.

My dad opened the door for me and we hugged.

“Hello beautiful”

“Hi dad” he smelled like mom's cooking. I did miss them. “Smells nice in here”

“I feel like there's enough for the whole neighborhood”

I got in and the table was already set up. My mom hugged me and instantly started talking about my sister. How sad she is that she isn't here. I said something back quickly and sat down.

My parents were an unusual kind. They always had my back and supported me through everything as far as school and university go. But I was always the one who had to be home by midnight or not go out at all. I had to lie that I was having a sleepover so that I could go out and have fun with my friends. My mom still believes I never tried alcohol in my whole  life and Im twenty. We were also never the kind of family that talked a lot about feelings and things going on outside of school. I could never talk about boyfriends with my mom or fights I had with my friends. This caused bottling a lot of emotions through my whole life. Ethan had to beg me to talk with him to find out why I was miserable at times. He was the one person I would actually tell what was going on. I never got along with my sister either, we were just two very different people and I always thought: If I met her randomly I would never want to be her friend. Seems harsh, but she was selfish and stubborn, always only looking out for herself and not giving a fuck if she was hurting someone else in the process.

Lunch was actually amazing, my mom made my favorite meals. They crashed on the sofa soon after and started watching some terrible movie and I went to check in my old room.

I must have fallen asleep while watching youtube because it was dark when I opened my eyes. I came down to the living room and heard mom and dad talking in the backyard. I took my moms phone to check the time.

I miss you. It said. William.

My head felt blank for a second. I quickly turned the phone back off.

William was my moms ex boss. I sat down and my head started spinning around. I combined the pluses and minuses, filled in the blanks. Things started making sense. My mom became very sensitive to anyone touching her phone a while back. Before, she never cared about it. I gathered strength and opened the message. It was the only one in the conversation, everything else was wiped clean. I quickly marked it as unread and put the phone back. Fuck.Is my mom cheating on my dad? My head started spinning even more. Poor dad. Should I tell anyone? I can’t tell anyone we can’t even say I miss you to each other let alone Are you having an affair? My poor dad loves mom with all his heart, he does everything for her and she was never truly in love with him. My sister and I realised since we were teenagers that mom acts cold with dad. She doesn’t like it when dad shows her any kind of affection.

“There you are!” mom barged in and I almost jumped in my seat. “You okay? Mike and I were just talking about going for a walk, you’re coming too”

“Ugh, I just woke up” I wasn’t sure I’m mentally ready for that walk.

“Exactly, you need to stretch”

The whole walk I was thinking about my mom. The time when I thought my mom was always in the right was long gone, but this was on a whole new level. How can I take her seriously ever again? She lost all the credibility. How can she pretend to be happy with my dad? If I told him about this it would ruin him. If I told her...Nothing seems like the right option. I don’t want my family to fall apart. We are a bit dysfunctional, but this seems like a scene from a movie and I cant take it. I had to get out of there.

When we got home mom brought us pie and turned on the TV.

“Guys, I’m sorry but I need to get back today. I have a seminar to write” I was nitpicking the pie on my plate.

“Write it here?” dad proposed and it seemd like a reasonable idea “You can take my laptop”

“Yeah but I don’t have my books. Sorry. I might come by next weekend if Emma books that ticket” I smiled at them. It was so natural for me to act like this around them. I was hiding things from them my whole life.

My mom argued with me for a while but she soon realised my mind was set. When the movie finished I took some clothes from my old closet and said goodbye to them. I felt so sorry for my dad, I hugged him tightly and he even said I love you to my ear. I haven’t heard that sentence in months.

I dialed Lucas’s number while driving down the highway.

“Hey danger” he answered almost immediately.

“Hey. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you up to?” I tried to seem chill but my voice was almost cracking.

“Uh, not much. Classic Thanksgiving laying around”

“You up for a sesh?” I was always afraid of him declining me which is why I was rarely the the one to ask him stuff like this.

“What, now? What’s wrong?” he asked that in the most monotone voice but I knew it meant a lot coming from him.

“Lucas.” I sighed and my voice broke down at the end of his name. He was silent for a moment.

“Pick me up. Im sending you the location”

I felt relieved. We haven’t hung out alone in a while and I missed it. I needed an hour to get to him, he was at his parents place. The house was actually very pretty. I know his parents are divorced and his mom remarried, he doesn’t talk about them much but I get the feeling she is worried about him and he doesn’t like that. And now I’m dragging him out on a Thanksgiving weekend. Suddenly I felt even more terrible.

Lucas sat in the car and I was just looking through the windshield.

“Bro, what happened?” he took the aux cord and connected his phone.

“I just realised I dragged you out and you were with your family and it’s Thanksgiving.”

“Yes. Because I love spending quality time with my perfect family. Come on, there’s not a lot of dealers working on Thanksgiving you know that?” Soundtrack 2 my life started playing through the speakers. He loved that song and it made me depressed. After that, he never once asked what had happened, he knew better and I appreciated it.

“Dealers? I have everything in my flat”

“Not this” he smiled devilishly to me and typed in the address in his phone.

“So in one hour you managed to find the guy? Seems to me like you were just waiting for my call. What are we taking?” I was driving down his neighborhood. We were the only people on the street.

“Been waiting on this for a while. You’ll see”

The address wasn’t that far away. I parked and he left, came back two minutes later.

“Church?”

Church was the most trashy techno club in the area, it was a dump but it was always open and the atmosphere was always great.

We parked near the club and started drinking rum that he brought from his place. I was doing my makeup with the help from his flashlight and my front camera. I took the cropped top from the back of the car and put it on. I felt wrong to be happy at this moment but I was. I was with him and I knew we were going to have fun.

“You gonna tell me what it is now? You know I’m not doing heroin or anything like that”

“Jesus. Of course not” he pulled the baggy out of his pocket. “Ketamine”

I had zero clue what that is. Everything I knew about drugs came from Lucas.

“You’ll see later.” he says and I can’t believe I have so much trust in him to just get on with it but at this moment I don’t care. He takes out a pill from his pocket and breaks it in half.

“You have a whole pharmacy out there” I say and swallow the pill.

“Shut up” he laughs. We are both pretty tipsy by now as we start walking to the club. I pay for the entrance and we’re finally there. This is where I felt at home. How weird is that? The lasers, lights, annoyingly loud house music. The music I could never listen to sober, it drives me insane.

I opened my eyes to see Lucas sleeping next to me, sun was shining through closed curtains. I fell asleep again and I dreamt about last night. Dancing, kissing Lucas and him kissing me. I dreamt that I woke up and walked around the apartment. I showered. Was that a dream? I was asleep again. It was nighttime. Lucas and I were rolling around the bed desperate for each other, desperate to feel something, anything.

It was night when I finally definitely woke up. I checked the time on my bedside table. It was 3am on Sunday. Lucas was sitting on the window next to the bed smoking.

“Hi” I wanted to say but all I said was a weak I

“Morning” he turned his head to face me “Magnesium next to your bed. Drink it”

I took the glass from the bed table and wasted a good three minutes to take two sips. Lucas was looking at me the whole time with a massive grin on his face.

“I need to shower”

“You showered three hours ago” he said and I looked at him confused.

“So I wasn’t dreaming?”

He shook his head.

“Did we have sex? Like, in those three hours?” I asked not looking at him.

“What? No. Did you dream about that?” He threw the cigarette in the ashtray and went under the covers. I just looked at him and he smiled again.

“When did we get home?”

“Around 7AM. We slept through the whole Saturday. As far as I remember” he removed all of my hair from my face and made a bun out of it.

“I don’t even want to know what I look like”

“Do you remember the night out?” he prompted himself on the elbow to face me.

“I don’t know. We were dancing?”

“You..” he stopped and lied back down “I didn’t want to give you any more, of anything, because you had too much” coming from Lucas this meant something because I’m usually the one to stop him from going too far “So you just disappeared and..”

“What?” I hated not remembering anything.

“I dont know. You took something and you came back after ten minutes totally out of it. We stayed for and hour after that because you didn’t want to leave. After that I got us in an uber and we came here.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Look, something obviously happened during the weekend, I won't ask but you should know better than take something from strangers. You scared me” he glanced at me. I remembered the moment. I was acting like a brat. It must’ve looked ridiculous. I left him and found some girls snorting something in the bathroom. We talked for a while, I think one of them was coming on to me. I said that I was here with a friend but he didn’t want to give me anything so they offered. I had no idea what it was. What was I thinking?

“Im stupid” I told him about what happened “Im sorry. I found out that my mom is having an affair. But, I also suspected that for a while now. My mind was spiraling and I guess I overdid it��

We were quiet for a few moments.

“I’m sorry” he turned to face me and we stared at each other for a while.

“Is it bad that I love the high so much that I’m not at all regretting any of this? It’s the only time I feel happy”

“I don’t know” he answered “If you think I’ll reason you, you asked the wrong guy. I’m in the same spot” we both smiled, but his eyes were filled with sadness. I wonder if mine were too? We would only talk like this high. Our sober conversations didn’t exist, they were empty and meaningless. We hid behind walls that would come down every once in a while, and I cherished those moments. I kissed him softly and fell asleep in his arms soon after

I woke up at noon, Lucas was still sleeping and Im pretty sure he was missing a class, as I was. I wondered if he stayed because he wanted to or because he was taking care of me. I rarely got to see the sensitive side of him that I longed for. I would try and push his buttons sometimes asking him ridiculously touchy-feely questions and he would just laugh it off and tell me to shut up. But I saw in his eyes that he wanted to tell me things but didnt know how to. I knew for a fact that he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents ether, they didn’t speak about things and even if they wanted to I can’t imagine Lucas opening up to anyone, especially his parents.

I remembered almost all of last night. Lucas wasn’t having fun, he was mostly looking after me. I was usually the one giving him water, asking him if he was fine because he would look like a zombie. Sometimes I would only go out because I was scared that no one would be taking care of him. When we started hanging out we were both fairly knew to all of this but I could see how fascinated he was with all of it. I was too. My world went from black and white to technicolor. My, usually, messed up head that was overthinking everything and anything felt blank. It was just living in the moment, swaying on the dancefloor with the people you love.

But seeing him at his worst was painful to watch. It wasn't fun anymore, it made me see the dark side of things. When the high wears off you feel ten times more depressed and ten times more eager to go to the next party, and then the next one. Until your life just becomes waiting. Waiting to get high and drunk and feel things.

Realizing that made me never want to do drugs again, but that would last a couple of days. What scared me was that I knew that even after last night, when Lucas saw me at my probably lowest, he would never think about leaving it. It was captivating, appealing to him. It didn't scare him at all.

I was taking a shower when he knocked at my door.

"Bell, you have a visitor. I’m going out okay?" I soon heard a door swing shut. A visitor? I had come up with at least ten people who would come here after me not looking at my phone for three days straight and I was scared to see every single one of them. God, I hope it wasn’t Ethan meeting Lucas.

I dressed and got out of the bathroom to see Emily standing behind my kitchen counter. She wouldn't even be on the list of fifty people to come here. What was Ethans girlfriend doing in my apartment? And why didnt I clean up a bit?

[kaywinette]

Party

Clementines the it-girl at her highschool, and shes tired of it. At a party, her and Gabe have a chat, and leads to a nice moment at the end of the night. Thanks @ohsnapitzmoony for the request! Hopefully it doesnt suck and you like it!!

Everyone in this high school knew Clementine. And if you didnt know Clementine, you at least knew of her. She was the star soccer player, the nicest person in the lunchroom, and the prettiest girl in at least a twenty-mile radius. Everyone either wanted to be friends with her, or be in her pants. So thats why Gabe was confused to see Clementine standing out on a porch all alone at a huge high school party.

Gabe honestly wasn't even sure what he was doing at this party. Mariana had insisted he go since it was his senior year, and the most fun hes had was the one prom he went to. So, to keep his sister happy, he went. It was loud and crazy, like he had expected. Who knew high school parties were so cliche.

Gabe spent most of the time around the people he knew, holding a can of soda while his friends drank anything and everything in sight. It was amusing to say the least, especially when Luke started to grind up on Nick. Sarah was the only other person in his group that wasn't drinking, so Gabe spent most of the time chatting with her. Eventually, he had to excuse himself to throw away his can and grab another drink.

On his way downstairs, he passed the glass door to the second-floor balcony. It was winter and pretty cold outside, so everyone decided it was better to stay inside, well save for one girl.

Clementine stood all alone leaning against the railing, frowning out to the neighborhood and town in front of her, holding the same can of soda Gabe had. And Gabe stood frozen, staring at the girl from inside.

Suddenly, his feet start to move without him telling them too. His empty can falling from his hand and onto the floor as he reaches to open the door to the porch. He was instantly hit with freezing cold air, and he was wearing a pretty thick jacket. He didnt know how Clementine was standing out here in only that loose long sleeve shirt, with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.

"Hey, Clementine. Are you okay?" Gabe asks once he closed the door behind him. He moves to stand next to her and she glances at him from the corner of her eye before shrugging.

"Yeah, I'm fine Gabe. Just...tired?" She turns her eyes back toward the town. "I've been thinking too much lately, its really been taking a toll on me I guess." She laughs unhumorously as Gabe leans on the railing.

"Thinking about what?" Gabe asks, turning to look at her profile. Gabe and Clementine had known each other for quite a few years now. Clementine uses to be Marianas social studies tutor, so she'd always be at Gabes house. Gabe wouldn't call them close friends, but she would say hi to him in the hallways, and even offered for him to sit next to her in bio on the first day of school. And like most boys, over the years, he had grown a not so small crush on the girl. Not just for her looks, but more so for her personality. The girl was strong, and funny, and sweet, and just...well perfect? It's lame, but Gabe doesn't know a better word to describe her. She was just so real. Well, at least around him, she was real. And speaking of being real around him...

"I hate soccer. I always have. Ever since my mom and dad put me in it when I was eight," Clementine sighs, and Gabe's brows raise in interest. All he knew about her parents was that they died a few days after her ninth birthday, so he was surprised she brought them up around him.

"So...why do you still play?" He asks when he realizes he should probably speak up. Clementine shrugs again.

"I dunno. I guess I felt bad that I hated it so much while my parents loved it. So I wanted to make it up to them somehow. It was dumb, but after Lee continued to spend money on it, I realized I couldn't just quit?" She moves a hand from her soda to brush some curls out of her face.

"Well...I hate parties?" Gabe offers, not really knowing what to say, but thankfully, that gets the girl to let out a soft laugh.

"God, you're so lame." Clem laughs, reaching over to gently shove his shoulder.

"Yeah, Mariana says that a lot." He shrugs, playfully rubbing his shoulder where she shoved him.

Clem pauses for a second before looking towards Gabe again, "Mariana... how's she doing with history?" Clementine suddenly asks, turning her whole body to face him, resting one arm on the railing. Gabe shrugs, now he's the one turning to look out at the town.

"Better, she still misses you tutoring her though, even though she has your dad as her teacher now." Gabe laughs, sending Clem a smile.

"Yeah, I miss her too. Maybe I can come over sometime and give her some extra help?" Clem offers.

Gabe nods, "Oh, she'd love that. She's a huge fan of you. She would kill to hang out with you again."

Clementine goes to respond before the door opens and a blond girl pops her head out into the balcony, glaring at Clementine in annoyance.

"Clem, Jesus what are you doing out here? Troy has been texting and calling you for like ten minutes now? He wanted you to cheer him on in beer pong!" The girl complains, completely ignoring Gabe.

"Oh fuck off Katie. If you're so bothered about him being alone you can go suck his dick in the bathroom. I told him I didnt want to talk to him, or any of you. So if you can fuck off and let me talk to my friend I would greatly appreciate it." Clementine goes off, glaring straight back at Katie, who sputters in shock at Clementines words.

"Oh...oh you bitch..." Katie starts, and Gabes scared that the girl is about to shove Clementine of the balcony, before she slams the door and heads back inside.

Both Clementine and Gabe visibly relax once the girl was gone. Gabe turns a shocked look towards the girl, who just hides her face in her hands. "So...you good?"

Clementine lets out a laugh of relief. "Yeah...I'm fine. She's been a bitch for a while now. I'm just tired of all of this." She stands up straight, looking Gabe in the eyes. Gabe's brows push together in confusion.

"Tired of what?" He asks, again leaning against the railing.

"All of this. Of people like me for what they see. Fake people wanting to be my friend so they can be noticed by more people. And then those people only wanting to get me in their bed for a night just so they can gloat to their friends." Clementine rests her elbows on the railing and her chin in her hands. "I want someone to like me for who I am. God, I'm just a walking cliche arent I?" She shakes her head. Gabe stares at her profile before gently resting a hand on her shoulder.

"I...I like you for who you are," he starts, resisting the urge to bite his tongue. "Sure, you're beautiful. But you're super smart. And really nice, and super fucking strong." Clem breaks into a small laugh at that, "People are crazy if they cant see past your looks, cause you're so much more than them...wow, now I sound like a walking cliche," They both laugh at that.

Clementine slowly stands up straight again, looking at Gabe for a second before stepping close to wrap her arms around his neck. They share a soft hug for a few seconds before Clementine steps away. "Thanks, Gabe. You're an amazing guy. I'm lucky to have you in my life," She smiles softly, and Gabe can feel his cheeks heat up.

He goes to respond before the door to the balcony opens again, and Clementines drunk boyfriend comes stumbling out. Grabbing Clementine by the forearm, yanking her away from Gabe.

"Clementine, I swear, if you...you ignore me again, we're over." Troy stutters out, making Gabe cringe at how painfully drunk the boy is.

"Seriously Troy? I've broken up with you like ten times today. Take a fucking hint before it hits you in the face. Let go of me." Clementine glares, trying to pull herself out of his grip, but that just makes him tighten it.

"I swear to Christ you're going to regret that," Troy glares, and Gabe decides he should probably step in.

"Troy...she said let go, I think its time you leave." Gabe steps forward, and Troy turns a harsh look his way, his free hand coming up to point at Gabe.

"Naw...I think its time you leave fuck face. We got some shit to hash out, and we don't need some prick out here with us," Troy glares, and not wanting to get hit, Gabe raises his hands in defense and takes a few steps back.

"Troy, fucking stop would you?" Clementine glares, and in a split second, the hand that was pointing at Gabe is now slapping the girl across the face.

Everything is frozen for a few seconds. Clementines hand goes to the already red cheek. Troy stumbles back, not seeming too affected by the fact that he just hit Clementine, just drunk. Gabe stares at the blossoming handprint on his friends cheek. Before Clem can react herself, Gabes fist is flying toward the drunk boy.

Gabe is tackling the other boy to the ground in seconds. Both fighting to punch and harm each other in any way possible. The party on the second floor has stopped, and a crowd is gathering on the balcony as the two boys beat each other up.

Too soon, Gabe feels hands pulling at his shoulders, pulling him away from the asshole who thought it was okay to hurt Clementine.

"Gabe...C'mon that's enough. You're hurting your hands," He hears Clementine say as Troys friends pull him away. "And Troy, I swear, if you or actually any of you," She sends a glare to the old fake friends, "talk to me again, I'll hurt you way worse than Gabe did tonight," she threatens, before turning her attention back to Gabe. From the corner of his eye, he can see his group of friends pushing their way through the crowd to get to Gabe.

"I think its time we get you home," Luke says, kneeling down to help Clem get the boy back on his feet.

"I can drive him. He lives in my neighborhood," Clem offers, and his friends share a look before Gabe speaks up.

"Don't worry guys. I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow?" Gabe says as Luke pats his back. The friend group plus Clementine make their way out of the house before parting ways. Clementine and Gabe head to Clementines car, and get in before Clem drives off to their neighborhood.

The ride is comfortably quiet. Just the sound of music they both like filling the car as Clementine drives. Gabe nurses a bloody nose with a random soccer jersey Clementine handed to him. All too soon, she was pulling up outside his house, but she stops him before he could get out and say goodbye.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Clementine gets Gabe to look at her. "Hey...uh I just wanted to say thank you. You really didnt have to do that...but it was um...that was cool of you?" She shrugs, glancing away, not really knowing how to thank him.

"Yeah...of course Clem. Like I would let him do that to you without losing a few teeth," The teens laugh before it falls silent again. Gabe is still well aware of the girls hand on his shoulder. "But really...it's fine...don't worry about i-" Gabe is cut off by Clementines hand moving to his cheek, gently pushing him to face her before her lips are on his.

Gabe is shocked for a few moments, and doesn't respond to the kiss, which makes Clementine quickly pull away in embarrassment. "Shit...fuck I'm sorry Gabe, I don't know what I was thinking that was stupid of me-" This time, Clementine is cut off by Gabe, who brings both hands to her cheeks to pull her back in for a sweeter and longer kiss.

Eventually the two part from each other, but still stay close with eyes closed and foreheads resting against each other. Just taking in the moment before the radio switches to a sudden loud song, making them jump away in surprise before laughing.

"I think I should be headin home soon. Need to get to sleep early." Clem laughs, smiling at the awkward boy.

"Yeah...me too. Mari is probably waiting for me." Gabe says, turning to open the door so he can get out, before he does, he leans over to give Clementine one more quick kiss. "Thanks Clem." He says before getting out.

"Thank you Gabe." Clem calls one last time, smiling at the boy as she watches him make his way inside before driving back home to Lee.

[infinityywar]

peter parker headcanon: secret relationship with peter -requested

Anon: omg i love your last headcanon post!! if you’re still doing them would you headcanon about trying keeping yours and peter’s relationship a secret from ned/mj? oF COURSE I CAN SORRY THIS is long as heCK I hope this is ok???? 

feel free to request: here !

HERE WE GO!,,,

• Ok so originally yall were friends before you know you guys were that friend group, peter, you, ned, and mj and you guys were freaKin riDe oR DIE • You guys all met freshman year and from then you guys all got on super well because you guys were all put in the same English class and sat at the same table and peter and ned who had known each other from their last school were craCkin jokes left and right and you would almost cry you were laughing so hard ,,,, their banter was just too much sometimes • And mj would just make wise cracks at them which added the sass you guys needed,,, • And you were the cautious one, looking after everyone ,,,,,, the mom friend • By some odd chance (actually peter was just too cute and too perfect you couldn’t help but fall for him lets be real) you started to get fEELINGS for the nerd and then movie nights where you guys all sprawl out on respective couches turn into “y/n can I sit here? ned wont share the other couch” what liar he just wanted to sit next to you and he sits next to you and he’s always half watching whatever movie, half watching your expressions as you watch the movie bc you’re so pretty and mesmerizing • And he finds himself smiling so biG when your name pops up in the group chat, he’s just trying to be witty and funny all the time to get a reaction or something from you • Aunt May notices peter and how he’s smiling at his phone a little too often and a little too wide,,, and asks him if hes texting a girl • “just y/n, ned, and mj” with that awkward smile (you know the one when hes obviouslt hiding something!!) and may just knows bc she’s caught you looking at peter when mj says something funny just to see him laugh • So one night after ned and mj went home after a movie night and hes still sitting next to you on the couch even though there is a whole empty couch!! And your hands are booth resting on the couch and peter is feeling confident he totally gave himself a pep talk so he reaches for your hand and puts his pinky on top of yOUrs • You weren’t sure of this was maybe an accident?? Bc you read into things too much to begin with and you don’t want to get your hopes up so you don’t react at all • Then peter takes you not pulling away as a good sign !!! so he moves his pinky and completely intertwines it with yours {kill me pLs}  • You’re freaking out and your heart is going !!!!! and you move your eyes away from the tv to look at him and he’s already looking at you {kill me pt. 2} • And he’s got this look in his eyes and hes so scared and hes basically wearing his heart on his freakin sleeve and hes regretting everything that’s happened in the last 5 minutes bc he knows he just ruined your friendship if you don’t feel the same • You are both blushing like mad and you’re sure he can feel the heat of your face because hes leaning in???? • All you can think is : is this really about to happen!! • Again you don’t back away so peter thinks you may not hate him yet! which is good! • Your noses touch and peter just sighs and smiles bc he’s wanted this even when he didn’t know he did • You make the next move of slipping your arms around his neck and pushing the tips of your fingers through the curls at the base of his neck which makes him want to diE • Then he goes IN FOR THE KISS and softly kisses you and he’s not even sure if h’es doing this right bc he’s never kissed anyone before and he wants to be a good kisser for you, he wants to give you a good kiss! • You both kinda melt into the kiss   because you under estimated how big your crushes on each other were way larger than you both originally thought • Peter freaking starts to giggle which makes you laugh and you both kind of pull away and hes looking at you with this goofy smile and so much blush because now that hes kissed you he doesn’t think he can ever not kiss you • And little does he know you’re feeling the exact same way • Peter then gets nervous and knows he should say something so he starts word vomiting,,  •“y/nimsosorryforcomingontoyouiunderstandifyouneverwanttodothatagainbutireallylikeyouandplsbemygirlfriend?” • “of course pete” • loTs more kissing • yall are kissing and aunt may waLKS IN and shes yelling out for peter to come out of his room because she got take out but then she turns and sees you guys with swollen ish lips and peter is low key freaking out • “uMMMM im just going to head home, see you tomorrow peter?” as you rush out bc aunt may has that “I know you guys were smooching” look on her face

”you know that now the doors are going to have to stay open when she’s over. I don’t want any grand nieces and nephews running around!” “MAY !!!!” *cue peter blushing and retreating to his room*

Later peter texts you and you guys agree that for now you guys will keep it low key because you don’t want to mess with the dynamic of the 4 of you and what you have is special and new so you don’t want to make a big deal out of it

So you are always the last to leave when you all hang out so you and peter can be cute and couple-y and kiss and cuddle

and peter always has to coincidentally get groceries at the grocery store by your apartment building or hes walking you home but mj and ned don’t need to know that

Peter just kinda wants to tell the world you’re his girlfriend bc you are so amazing and beautiful and smart but you insist he cant so he doesn’t  but he wants to

99% of the time you ended up sharing your lunch with peter bc his dumb tired ass left his on the counter almost every single day because he was so tired from patrolling studying and watching science documentaries and talking to you until like 3 am

And when mj, ned, and peter made their way to your lunch table (they all had chemistry together without you which waS SO UNFAIR) and peter plops down next to you

  and everyone pulls out their respective lunches and you pull out 2 lunches bc you were getting tired of splitting your lunch with peter

He doesn’t even have to ask for one, you just slide him the brown bag with “peter the nerd :) <3” on the front,,, hoping that mj and ned don’t notice the heart that you spent like 20 minutes that morning debating about

And peter graciously accepts (as a friend would!! Of course) and you blush a lil bc maybe it was over the top? I mean he didn’t ask for a lunch maybe mj and ned knew that and now they know about everythinG

And peters mind is going a mile a minute as he’s looking at your sheepish smile and thinking how gosh dang cUTE your smile is and he just wants grab you and kiss you in front of everyone in the cafeteria

mj: “wow didn’t know you were in love with peter y/n, hearts on his lunch?? Are we invited to the wedding?“ and ned laughs and peter chokes on his pb and j and starts coughing up a storm as you kinda slap his back and you try to cultivate an excuse as to why you put a heart on his lunch

“ I thought it would be ,,, funny because you know,,, I saw may do it once “ as you look as him play along peter

“ yeah shes right may always puts those little hearts on my lunch!!” as he nods a little too eagerly and ned seems satisfied with your answer

Mj isn’t too convinced as she shoots you a knowing look that you play off with a shrug she’s observant enough to know you’re both big fat liars

“what are you guys hiding??”I’m kidding 

mj totally knows about you guys but lets you live in your little loved up bubble bc you both look so happy and all she wants is for her friends to be happy

Peter shoots you a loving knowing smile as he goes to inter lace your pinky’s under the table its your thing

Ned is so oblivious but mj catches you shooting a im so in love with him look at peter one day as she looks up from her book as hes talking about star wars with ned in a hushed voice as you guys all hang out at the library  its #confirmed

and you cant help but stare bc he’s just sO passionate about the things and people he loves, like you

[ac-ars]

I never knew you were the someone waiting for me

yes yes people, you see correctly, this is ink back after so long i cant believe i made those dwo dorks wait for their date so long

its the longest chapter so far, i think, and maybe it will help you forgive me (or like it will help me forgive myself this)

i hope you like it and enjoy

all chapters before

“There’s this legend telling about beginning of the universe, when everything was created. It says that atoms were createt and spread around entire universe missing those atoms they were created with. Since then these atoms are wandering aroung the universe looking for their close ones, hoping they will find one day and some of them are hidden in people. So it means people are unconsciously looking for someone in entire universe, hoping that their atoms find each other one day.”

“Is that all, or is there something more?”

“Now matter how far they are, they always find a way.”

Chapter 7 /or/ about stress, fries and soulmates

“Mom, I need help.” Luna mumbles with small blush on her face entering the kitchen in Benson manor. Her mom smiles at her softly from over making dinner, but puts down the knife she was using seconds before to focus on Luna, who suddenly feels warmer.

“What is it, sweetie?”

Luna bites on her lower lip looking around, everywhere but not at her mom. “I am going out today.”

She receives small nod as reply and Monica goes back to the vegetables. “With Simón? Or again some study afternoon with Nina?” she asks casually humming some melody and Luna sits by the counter in front of her not sure how to start. “I’m going out for a date, mom.”

Monica drops the knife surprised, looking at brunette with shocked yet happy grin. “With who then?”

That’s the hardest part of telling her mother about this. Luna clears her throat wondering how not to become a mess while saying out loud the s word and probably there’s no way out of this.

“With my soulmate.”

The silence that falls around scares brunette as hell while her mother doesn’t even blink. “Your soulmate?”

“Yes.” Luna starts to play with one of her rings. “He asked me few days ago.”

Monica smiles, cleaning her hands with paper towel and moves towards her daughter. “Is he a nice boy?”

Brunette just nods unsure while her mom continues. “Does he like you? And do you like him?”

Luna chokes a little, but covers it with small cough. “It seems like it, and I think I do?”

She keeps biting her lower lip while her fingers move nervously and one ring falls to the ground eventually.

Monica smiles at her happily clapping her hands and leaves vegetables aside, moving to the cupboards. She takes two cups out of one and gets tea from the other. “You have to tell me about him.”

Brunette rolls her eyes with soft smile, of course her mom is curious and it’s nothing surprising, not to mention she loves her mom and maybe it won’t be as awkward as Luna thought. Or maybe it will be even more awkward.

She waits for her mother to make the tea and as they sit by dining table Monica nods encouraging her. Luna starts fidgeting again not sure how to say it.

“So-” Her mother starts. “How did you two meet?”

Luna pouts softly. “We bumped into each other in Cancun.” Monica frowns confused, but lets her daughter continue. “It just… pulled me to him, I think. It was the same day you told me we were leaving to Buenos Aires.” She licks her lips unsure and her mom nods.

“So, how did it happen that he was in Cancun and now he’s here just like you?”

Luna shrugs with sheepish smile. “I guess that’s universe.”

Matteo has no idea how he manages to button up his light blue shirt correctly (he has to redo it twice, because he missed a button). He stays by the mirror making sure that he looks fine and even if mirror confirms it, he still isn’t able to believe completely. This is ridiculous; Matteo has never acted like this, freaking out because he’s going out with a girl.

But it’s Luna, it’s not just a girl.

Italian makes sure he has everything he needs and smiles at the vase on his desk before taking out of it small flower. He leaves home trying to chill his beating heart and blesses his own idea to walk there, not taking the driver, because fresh air is all he needs right now.

Matteo’s phone vibrates and he gets anxious that maybe it’s Luna texting that she can’t really go, but that’s Gastón of course, wishing him all the luck and hoping that Matteo isn’t trembling like moon jellyfish right now. Balsano snorts rolling his eyes and shakes his head not even answering; ignoring his silly friend is the best idea for now.

He is five minutes earlier than he told Luna he would and hesitates before knocking to the door. His fingers play with small leaf of the sunflower when he’s waiting for anyone to open the door.

It’s probably Luna’s father who greets him with not really happy face and Matteo smiles awkwardly when the man moves aside letting him get inside. Italian manages to keep his hand steady as he introduces himself to Miguel.

“Luna will be here in a few minutes, girl stuff and such.” He rolls his eyes and Matteo chuckles nodding softly, not knowing what else to do, but Luna’s dad nudges him slightly with his elbow. “I will just tell you that I hope Luna comes back smiling.”

Matteo blinks surprised with that. “Of course, there’s no other way,” he just mumbles and Miguel grins with something in his eyes.

Small silence falls between two of them while Luna is probably being a mess in her room and it’s actually very nice silence; Matteo feels comfortable, not like Luna’s dad will take a knife and stab him.

“Also no hickeys on my daughter’s skin, young man.” Miguel Valente says casually, his voice sounds almost like a smile and Balsano wants to choke on the air, but he hears footsteps. Luna is going towards him with her mother behind her, big grin on her blushed face. He can’t help but curl corners of his mouth up back at her and not seeing anything except her he just leans to kiss her cheek softly. She blushes even more taking the sunflower he gives her and something in her eyes makes him crazy.

“You must be Matteo, right?” Luna’s mom asks him smiling and breaking the moment, but he doesn’t really mind knowing he will be with Luna this whole evening.

“Yes, yes. It’s really nice to meet you.” Matteo says with sure voice, ready to shake hands with the woman yet she just pulls him to hug, so warm he is speechless for few seconds. He’s left wondering why she is hugging him, but then he wraps one of his arms around her back feeling as awkward as comfortable, not questioning it anymore.

Monica looks at him with something in her eyes Matteo isn’t able to understand; she seems to know something he doesn’t and she seems to be unbelievably happy about this.

“Miguel,” she turns to her husband. “I hope you didn’t scare Matteo away.”

Mister Valente just winks at her with small smile. “Of course not, why would I do that to such nice young man?”

Italian lowkey stops himself from rolling his eyes since, of course, he scared him as fuck.

More like surprised, but Matteo ended up choking, so that’s the same, right?

“Okay, we will be going now.” Luna steps in smiling at her mom and giving her her sunflower before getting a hug as well and kiss in the forehead from her dad. Brunette looks at him unsure, but her eyes are excited and it hits Matteo just now, that he is really taking this pretty girl for a date.

Matteo leads her through streets of Buenos Aires, talking about basics and school and living in this city, until she notices that they reached the beach. She smiles brightly nudging him softly and when his eyes move to her she has to look away. Luna can’t really get how it’s possible that this boy makes her feel so many things at once and she can’t count even half. She’s sure that blush is covering her cheeks, but Matteo keeps his look on her and she’s not sure if she wants to catch his eyes.

Brunette hasn’t felt any pulling recently. Maybe it’s because they aren’t really avoiding being close and small touches; he keeps giving her cheek kisses hi and bye, sometimes he throws his arm around her shoulders and she can’t say she doesn’t like it. It’s not like she needs more confusing feelings since he’s giving her whole list of them and Luna is still torn between liking it and hating it.

She pulls him to the beach with small giggle, but he doesn’t say no, he just smiles lazily at her letting her do anything she wants and watches her taking off her shoes with happy eyes. Of course, he follows her towards the water and Luna is wondering what he planned. Matteo’s arm goes to her waist, pulling her close because she probably went too far away from him and it makes her giggle. “Come on, I won’t leave you here.”

He chuckles. “Of course you won’t, but I wasn’t sure how far into the water you could go.”

“Well, farther than you for sure. I mean, my dress is shorter than your jeans.” She smiles widely at him.

“And it’s a very nice of a dress.” Matteo mumbles while playing with her hair. “I wanted to tell you that before, but your dad scared me enough for that. You look the prettiest little lady.”

Luna stares at him breathless, biting her lower lip and not caring at all about the line with her dad in it. She’s more like focused on his eyes and his look after he said that and she’s not sure what is it - her, or the universe -, but she wants to kiss him and it wouldn’t be probably the smartest thing right now. Matteo leans down slowly and presses his lips to her cheek with soft smile. Luna feels like losing all the air when he pulls away taking her hand and leaving small kiss on the back of it as well before resting his arm on her shoulders and leading her forwards.

Luna instinctively leans into him and tries to find any words. It doesn’t really work, so she decides to keep it cool and she looks at Matteo with small smile, “thanks,” as she kisses his cheek chastely.

Water is hitting her feet softly while sand brushes her skin and when she feels Matteo next to her it’s like everything is on its place. Or at least she is right now. Her hand goes up towards his hand falling from her shoulder and she tangles their fingers making corners of his lips go up.

“Tell me,” Luna starts after few minutes of listening to the sea, taking his attention and his eyes turn to her focused. “How did you met Ambar and Gastón.”

Balsano chuckles softly. “No matter how surprising it is, we all met in Blake.”

“Really?” She opens her eyes widely. “You seem super, super close here.”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “I know Gastón since day one in this damn school, while Ambar crashed into me at Roller few weeks later.”

“What? Ambar crashing into someone?” Luna giggles shaking her head.

“She keeps saying that I was stupid idiot wanting to get her attention, but deep down she knows she wanted to get to me. Gastón was freaking out all the time how I was some chosen one, because normally Ambar was cursing at people for doing actually something, not just standing by the table.”

Brunette nods smiling widely and Matteo sends her a wink before continuing. “Gastón may seem silly and I may seem annoyed by him most of the time, but it’s just because of his stupid puns and making fun of me. Not counting that he’s my great bro and for once I am happy my parents made us move again.”

“Move again?” She asks pouting softly and Matteo sighs.

“My parents have this kind of job that they, or at least my dad, have to move from country to country. To be honest I don’t really know all things their jobs contain, but my dad keeps walking around with his ipad and I’m wondering if he’s working on it or playing some platypus evolution.” He pouts and Luna snorts, hiding in his arm.

“So, where had you lived the longest?”

“In Italy, when I was a kid. Like, I think I was eight or nine when we moved away.”

“Wow,” she sighs. “I can’t even imagine moving like this.”

Matteo pulls her hair slightly. “But you moved too, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but it was just once. I’m not a kid, so I guess it’s not that bad.” She leans get head to his arm as she kicks the water. “And Simón is here.”

He chuckles. “How long have you two been friends?”

“I don’t even know, very long. Probably since a little after my parents adopted me.”

“They seem great.” He sends her soft smile and she gives it back to him with even softer eyes.

“They really are. I love them very much.”

“And they love you even more, I’m sure,” Matteo says kissing top of her head and Luna just nods grinning.

“Do you want to sit down and chill?” he asks her as they slow down their walk. Or maybe he slowed it down because he planned it.

“It would be great if you’re not afraid of sitting in your fancy jeans on the sand.” She giggles and Matteo rolls his eyes.

“Come on, I’ll get you fries. Do you like fries?”

Luna blinks at him leaning closer. “Do you like breathing? Is there anyone who doesn’t like fries?”

He sighs. “I’m gonna get you fries and stop looking at me like this.”

Brunette lets him pull her a little towards the sidewalk at the end of the beach to the small booth with fries. He seems focused, but casual and calm like this. She can’t say that she doesn’t like it, she adores this version of him; confident, but just because it’s his characteristic, not because he’s pushing it to another level on the rink. His jokes are funnier and his eyes are shining more brightly, his smile seems more genuine. There’s something gentle about Matteo Balsano, something Luna can’t quite catch or understand, but it’s stronger than any pulling she’s felt towards him before.

She wants to know all of him, his every small secret or hidden part he keeps from them all. She wants to discover everything step by step, almost like getting under his skin in the most positive way to say it. She wants him so close it hurts and as much as all those craves scare the shit out of her, they also make her lighter, braver and easier around him.

He comes back waking her up from her thoughts and she doesn’t mind it all. Box of fries is pushed into her hand and Luna notices that he’s holding a blanket too. That sneaky boy.

“Did you buy it or had a deal with fry guy?” She jokes softly trying one of her fries and closes her eyes not sure if she’s crazy in love with them or just in love.

“I’m sure you can answer this by yourself, little lady. Do you really see any blanket store around here?”

Luna rolls her eyes and takes his arm to go back to the beach. Matteo gives her his fries to hold and she steals few using her teeth since she’s a little handless now. She hopes it’s sneaky enough for him not to notice, but she knows he knows and he knows better than to tell her to stay away from his food. It’s not like she would.

They sit down watching the sea with their arms brushing, Luna digs in the sand with her feet paying with small stones and tiny shells. Matteo keeps watching what she’s doing and he kicks sand every single time she manages to create some pattern.

“Please stop, Matteo. You’re ruining my creativity.”

He puts his hand over his heart. “I would never, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“You owe me a fry for every destroyed drawing here.” Luna pouts making him giggle.

“I’m not sure if I have enough fries then. Can I have some of yours?” He asks and not waiting for any reaction takes few fries out of her box.

Brunette pulls her box to her chest protecting it with her body and lowkey squealing him to go away from her food. Matteo keeps laughing and trying to get the box from each side, but he changes his mind and starts to tickle her.

Luna has no really way out of this situation since she’s between his arms yet she’s trying to wiggle herself out of his embrace. She wouldn’t really mind cuddling him on the beach but if tickling is a big no no to her and she tries to softly hit his ribs with her elbow. It makes him stop and even Luna is surprised with that. Sun is almost set behind city buildings behind their backs, while Matteo starts whining about how his ribs hurt because of her. Luna snorts pushing him back to the blanket as she finishes her fries and leaves empty box near their shoes shivering a little because of the wind.

He sits up throwing something warm on her arms and wrapping it all around her. He’s done before she manages to state it’s another blanket what makes her giggle. Matteo’s hands gently rub her shoulders. “Are you cold?”

“No,” she mumbles. “It was just wind for a moment, but it’s not like I want you to take warm blanket off me right now.” Just when she’s done with those words the wind from the sea hits them again. Her hair, curled softly, a little straighter than usually by her mom tangle with every small blow almost dancing on the wind. Luna pouts at this knowing she will be a mess in a few yet as soon as she catches Matteo’s eyes she can’t care that much.

His look is as tender as she’s never seen it before and his face is showing her just Matteo. Not Matteo Balsano, not the fancy skater king of the rink Matteo. It is only Matteo here with her and she feels like there’s nothing on the world she would crave more than few minutes with him.

He takes his hand to tips of her hair tangling it slightly around his finger and watching it carefully.

“I’m a mess,” brunette mumbles after few seconds.

“The most beautiful mess I have ever gotten to see.”

That’s how she’s gone.

“Do you think it will be back?” Matteo suddenly asks as they are laying on the blanket and watching the sky darkening.

“What it?” She asks turning to him and he moves to his side supporting his head on his hand. He’s sure his voice is filled with curiosity. “The pulling stuff. It’s been gone recently.”

Luna sighs closing her eyes. “I have no idea, Matteo. I don’t get it at all.”

Actually he’s been wondering few days before why it’s gone for now, but he eventually dropped the thought hoping it will just go and never comes back. It would be easier; knowing that Luna is close because she wants to. And maybe the fact this shit has been gone lowkey means that they just want to be near the other.

“Who knows, we should probably just wait and see what happens.” He shrugs softly sitting up, knowing perfectly that it’s time for them to go home now. She takes his hand he offered her second before and lets him pull her up straight to his chest. Giggle leaves her lips and there’s nothing he wants to do more than kiss her here, when it’s almost completely dark and stars are watching them with excited blinks.

Wow, he’s getting cheesy. But he just wants to kiss Luna and that’s nothing weird since it’s Luna and only Luna for him.

She laughs at him when he tries to get sand out of his shoes and she would really walk bare feet if he didn’t tell her to chill and act like normal person (it makes her pout, but at least no wounds in her tiny feet). Of course, Luna Valente being herself keeps pouting until he threatens her to carry her straight until she’s home and there handing her to her father, her terrified face is everything and Matteo can taste tiny victory once again.

They are walking slowly towards Benson mansion, and Luna doesn’t ask, but knows as well as he knows that he picked longer route there. Neither of them minds enjoying the other a little longer. He takes her hand, tangling their fingers and as they are watching city lights and passing cars he softly starts to tickle inside of her hand with his thumb drawing circles on her skin.

“Matteo, do you want to know a story?” She asks suddenly, startling him a bit with being this unexpected, but he just nods. “When I was a kid my mom used to tell me this before sleeping and it was one of my favorites.”

Italian isn’t really sure what made her start this topic, but he takes what she offers, wanting to know more and more of her, every tiny bit and every shade of every single hair on her head.

“There’s this legend telling about beginning of the universe, when everything was created.” He wants to interrupt adding some science shit, but she seems to be focused and he doesn’t want to ruin the moment and the story for her, so he waits for her to continue. “It says that atoms were created, or first building things, but for me as a kid atoms were enough.” she laughs with soft smile and Matteo can just stare at her being the purest living he’s ever seen. “And they spread around entire universe missing those atoms they were created with. Since then these atoms are wandering around the universes looking for their close ones hoping they will find one day and some of them are hidden in people. So it means people are unconsciously looking for someone in entire universe hoping that their atoms find each other one day.”

Matteo is lowkey moved with the story, because no matter how sappy it sounds, it’s beautiful and some part of him wants to believe this deeply. “Is that all, or something more?”

Luna smiles tenderly at him tightening their intertwined fingers. “No matter how far they are, they always find a way. When they meet once it’s easier to get back together.”

“Does this legend say anything about name for two people with those atoms?”

“Yeah.” Brunette sighs softly. “They are soulmates.”

She watches him biting her lower lip and hoping deeply he will get this without her naming it out loud.

“That’s a pretty way for romanticizing the space, I have to say,” he just smiles.

Her hopes fade quickly, but it’s not like they don’t have time for it later.

They are passing the streets definitely too quickly for Matteo, even if they were still taking longer way. Before he can blink they are by the door they left and he is sure her parents are waiting in the kitchen for her, doing something else, but still waiting. Luna smiles at him standing on one stair, almost being as tall as he is.

“It was great day, Matteo. I loved it.” He’s not sure why it makes him so happy, though maybe it means he will have a chance to be just with her again.

“I’m glad. I hoped you would like it. Thank you for going with me.”

She grins widely and pulls him to tight hug making him the warmest. He can only wrap his arms around her waist and kiss top of her head smiling as she’s hidden in his neck. They hug like this surely too long and completely not long enough, but Matteo feels it’s not their last one, so he pulls away.

“Sleep well tonight.” He whispers caressing her cheek with his thumb.

Luna tilts her head softly leaning into his touch. “Text me when you’re home, please.”

“Of course. Tell your parents hi from me.” She giggles and he moves closer to leave small kiss on her cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Honey, where have you been so long tonight?” His mother asks as soon as he’s back home. She’s leaving the kitchen, so she must’ve been getting some before sleeping ice cream she adores.

“I was on a date,” he says casually and she smiles at him going closer and messing his hair softly.

“You will tell me everything tomorrow.” Matteo pouts.

“Why?” It sounds almost like a whine.

Elena smiles flicking his nose. “Because I have never heard those words coming from you and it means you like this girl very much.”

He shakes his head grinning. “I will tell you tomorrow.”

“Amazing.” She pulls him down to kiss his forehead. “Your dad was looking for you, but he decided to chill and wait for you instead of texting. He’s in his office playing Angry Birds. Please, knock before getting there, so he can hide it from us.”

Matteo chuckles softly when his mom giggles and he just kisses top of her head before going upstairs. He’s not sure if his dad really plays Angry Birds, but after he found Temple Run the other day nothing really surprises him.

Italian knocks to the door of his father’s office just like Elena told him and he waits three seconds before getting inside. Dante is scrolling through some text on his ipad, so he either switched quickly or no games for him.

“You’ve been looking for me, dad.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sit down please.” Matteo sighs, but takes the chair. He wanted to at least lay on this small couch and annoy Angelo, yet apparently his father wants to talk about some serious shit. Of course, when he’s done with his own.

“I wanted you to ask,” he stops dramatically and Matteo fights instinct to roll his eyes. “About your plans.”

“For what?” Matteo shots quickly, regretting being that fast when his dad shakes his head.

“For your future of course.” He says and his son wants to growl and whine at the same time.

“I’m gonna go to university and study something, can we please talk about it later? I had great day and talking about this isn’t on my list of favorite things to do.”

Dante shrugs with a sigh. “I’m just curious, Matteo. But fine, not today. Can I have one more question?” He asks and Matteo looks surprised wondering since when his father asks something, so he just nods. “You were out with?”

Matteo smiles softly. “With Luna.”

“Who’s Luna?” His dad asks amused, probably with this dreamy face. “More like, who is she for you?”

“I don’t know.” Younger Balsano shrugs. “But I hope I’ll find out soon.”

“Fine then. Good luck with Luna, don’t let it screw up. Deal?”

“Deal.” Matteo grins fist bumping with his father and leaves the office not sure what happened, but he won’t question it in any way.

He enters his room breathing deeply and as soon as he sits down on the bed he opens messenger to see what those two idiots managed to write. He just scrolls through some puns from Gastón and shut the fuck ups from Ambar, so nothing really unexpected and nothing he would have to answer right now.

Italian falls back to the bed taking big breath and closing his eyes, but with his luck the phone near his head calls and he can’t really ignore it. So he picks up.

“What?”

“Hi bro, I saw you seeing the messages, so I guess you’re home now?” Gastón asks, his voice tells Matteo that he’s jumping like excited puppy wanting to know all details.

He sighs. “Yeah, I got home and I want to sleep now.”

“How was it, how was it. Tell me now, starboy.” Now this demanding phone. Too much.

“Gastón please let me sleep.”

“Just tell me more or less how it was and I will let you tell me more tomorrow in Roller.”

Matteo growls waiting few seconds, hoping his best friend will get bored. “We went to the beach, had fries and went back home.”

“That’s boring, but details tomorrow. I’ll buy you smoothie. Did you kiss her?”

Anticipation in Perida’s voice almost amuses Matteo, but he more focuses on the fact that he actually did not kiss Luna. Instead he bites on his lower lip and asks Gastón with lazy voice.

“Bro, do you think soulmates exist?”

[neptuneisgay]

Tumblr is not a diary, but im gonna use it as one anyways. I jist finished watching Skam season 3 (aka the best season for obvious reasons) and whats really sticking out to me is the last line "life .. Is now." and like idk but this line os just hitting me real hard. The whole time i was watching this season (which is literally just today cause i watched it all in like 6 hours) i kept feeling this ... Longing ... Craving?? God neither of those are good words but basically i just reallly wanted a relationship like Isak and Evens, like maybe without all the drama but like all the scenes with them cuddling or just holding each other just being in each others presences just made me long for a relationship so much more than i already was. But its not just that, this show as a whole just makes me realize how much im not living. Lile sure im breathing and i wake up every day and most days i eat and drink and occasionally i leave the house but im not living. The lyric or quote i cant really remember which "i wanna live not just survive" as cheesing and cliche as it is, is really the perfect example of how i feel right now, im not living im just surviving and even then its only barely. I want to live so bad. I want to wake up and have places to go and people to see and god i want to live without constantly wanting to die. Life is so short and i know this, but im wasting it, im wasting my life away, as dramatic as that may sound its true. But i dont know how to change it. Im homeschooled, all of my friends are over the internet, the last time i had actual human contact or even just a conversation with someone who wasnt my mom or my brother was October. October. It was 5 months ago. And before that it was 3 months. Before that 7. Im so alone and its killing me. And no one fucking understands because all of my friends have other friends, people who they see everyday and talk to and hang out with whereas im lucky to have one person whos not my mom just text me at least once a day. Im so isolated i feel like im drifting away from reality. My depression has gotten so much worse as well as a new symptom of disassociating. My anxiety has calmed down only because im to depressed to even have panic attacks. Everything scares me. I signed up to do some volunteer work and its taking everything in me not to back out because just the thought of having to go out and do something ive never done before with tbe knowledge that i dont know what the fuck im doing and that ill be completely alone with no one i know, makes me want to jump off a cliff because im so scared of messing it up. My mom wants us to join a church, she wants me to join this youth group so i can make friends and i dont know how to explain to her that im terrified of going there, because no matter how much i love God and i dont believe he hates me or that im going to hell for being who i am, i know that most churches and christians dont think that way, and even tho this church seems very progressive i cant find a single thing about their views on homosexuality and im terrified to go there and make friends and have that constant fear of what would happen if they found out, would they hate me, shun me, tell me im going to hell? And i cant explain this to her because she doesnt get it and no matter how hard she tries shes never going to get that fear. That fear of going to a place where the likely hood of everyone there thinking that your an abomination, something disgusting, and wrong is astronomical. And just im so scared of everything. Im scared to go back to school, sometimes the fear of school and getting there and just failing everything is so bad i think maybe it would be better off if i just died before i can fail. Im so afraid that im not enough. For anything. Im not smart enough. Im not pretty enough. Im not kind enough. Im not strong enough. Or fast enough. Or good enough. Im just not enough. And no amount of studying. Or training. No amount of hard work and determination that adults are always shoving down our throats is going to make me enough. Im so scared of failure. And thats it. Thats my biggest fear. If you ask me in real life what my biggest fear is ill probably say needles, or the ocean, or alligators. But its not. Sure im afraid of those things. But my biggest fear, the thing that keeps my up at night, that keeps me from living and trying, is that no matter how much work i put into to something no matter how much time and effort i put into things, that i can give everything i can possibly have to give, that i can give everything in me there is no more work to be done no more effort to be put in, ive done everything i can do, but it still isnt enough. There is no try harder this is all the try i have. This is me at my full capacity, all of my capabilities are front and center, and its still not enough. Im just not enough. And i never will be. .. And then theres the flip side, the flip side that tells whilst not being enough i am also simultaneously too much. Im too loud. Too annoying. Too clingy. Too energetic . i talk too much, too fast. Im just too much for people to handle. And thats why everyone leaves. Im just too much and not enough all at the same time. I give people too much of all the things they dont want, and not enough of all the things they do. And how do i live knowing this? How do i put myself out there and life this life thats actually worth living when i dont even think i was made for life at all. .. So ya thats the end of the diary entry. If you read this far; im sorry it was so long, i talk too much.

[ladydracarysao3]

1-19 for the ask meme :D

Holy moly!!! Okay.. Here we go, i will try to not be quite as long-winded as I can sometimes be!Are you close with your parents?I am! I text with my momma on an almost daily basis. I tell her everything, she even reads my fics. We are playing DAO together. She makes decisions, I fight for her.02. Who did you last say I love you to?My hubs 😁 this morning03. Do you regret anything?Lots of things. I fret over things that people have probably forgotten even happened.04. Are you insecure?Unbelievably. Yesterday i was upset all day because i lost a bookmark and subscription. So now all i can think is that i obviously suck and cant do anything right. Also, i'm fat, ugly, rude, and annoying.05. Relationship status?Married to The Monster, 4 ½ years06. How do you want to die?A guy told me I would be murdered when someone finally was fed up with my shit. … that kinda stuck with me. I don't know how i want to die, but I would prefer it be painless and you know… Nonviolent….07. What did you last eat?Hubs brought me a burger for lunch.08. Nope. I almost joined the swim team in HS, but mom and dad said it would interfere with my studies.09. Do you bite your nails?Not usually.10. Last physical fight?I don't think I ever have been in a “fight” not a real one. I play fight with Hubs often, though. I’m feisty.11. Do you like someone?My hubs, and my Dragon Age Man-Stable 😉12. Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?I don't think ive lasted over 36.13. Do I hate anyone?Yes. My previous landlord. Someone involved with my job. And a girl who made my life blow up in middle school. That's my hate list.14. Do i miss someone?I miss all my friends that i don't get to see. Which is all of them. And i miss my grandma, i could see her every day and be so happy. But i rarely get to see her.15. Pets?Three! Two cats and a dog!16. How exactly are you feeling atm?Overwhelmed. Too much is happen around me. Too much noise. Im thinking of hiding in the basement.17. Ever made out in a bathroom?Not a public bathroom! But showering with a ‘buddy' is a lovely time.18. Are you scared of spiders? Yes.19. Go back in time?Maybe? Itd depend on when and where and who i was with. And if id been rich or poor…..

[shelbswishfulthinkin-blog]

Maihua Lee imagine #2

*Avery’s sister*

today im going surprise my sister I've been away at college studying community fashion. I graduated yesterday I didn't tell my sister cause I wanted to be able to surprise her with my return. im younger im 18 Avery is 19. She’s my best friend, I cant help but get so excited as being only 10 minutes away. I decided to make a video on tik tok obviously I made sure I got our home land marks so she would question it. I get a text from Avery 

text 

Avery: hey Monkey(my nickname) why you never posted this draft its awesome I love how you caught the mural downtown. 

(y/n): I don't know I guess I just am missing home lol

Avery: I know I miss you wish you were here

end text 

I finally arrive so I don't bother to text her out mom parks in the garage. she walks in and begins videoing, Avery questions the video saying “mom why are you videoing me?” I sneak around the back and slip through the gliding glass door I sneak behind her mom laughs Avery made a face as if saying why the hell you laughing. I pick up my hands and place them on her eyes quickly. she screams immediately realizing its me. she turns and smashes herself on me hugging me tightly. I say “I just took that video to mess with you.” we sob into each others arms. Avery says “I am leaving in 25 minutes to go meet my friend Maihua im flying there if you want to come.”  I nod and she grabs my luggage and places it next to hers at the door. I say “hey why don't we go get coffee before we go like we used to when we’d visit gams.” she nods excitedly we say goodbye to mom and dad and load our stuff. we grab our coffee and have just enough time to check in. we got on the plane to fly out there. Avery says “you and my friend would be great together ill introduce y'all.”I laugh at her for trying to set me up 15 minutes go by and we fall asleep.

next morning 6:30 a.m. 

we finally land Avery texts Maihua asking her to pick us up. she told her last night that I was with her. we grabbed our luggage and to pick up area she sees her friend and runs to her when I finally get a good look I realize it was Maihua Lee my tik tok crush I laugh quietly in embarrassment. I walk up to them Maihua hugs me sweetly saying “nice to finally meet you I've heard a lot about you.” I hug back and say “nice to meet you as well.” I have this weird thing where when im being awkward and am embarrassed I hiccup. Avery notices and says “I knew I it, I look at her with a death stare. she laughs we all leave. Maihua helps load our things and we head to a breakfast place to eat. when we get there we all do a tik tok together. me not realizing I was the target of the video they both choked me. we all burst into laughter the waitress shushed us, we quieted down my face was so red. Avery says “haha your blushing monkey’s got a crush monkey’s got a crush!” I playfully punched her arm blushing harder, Maihua blushes at basically being put on the spot. Maihua says “I think its cute.” we look at her confused she blushes and says “by that I mean your blushing is cute.” I hiccup in nervousness, they both chuckle. we all decided to go downtown and take videos and pics. when we got there Maihua goes on live and we play truth or dare the audience has to choose a truth or dare for one of us but to be able to do it 5 people in the comments has to agree. Avery says okay guys its (y/n)’s turn give her one remember 5 people have to agree. we were all watching the comments closely only one person chose a dare Avery says “guys if you really want (y/n) to kiss Maihua 5 people have to agree.” we both look at her scared she laughs, within a minute a bunch of people agreed. we looked at each other nervously both agreeing. we turn to one another and stood closer, she hesitantly placed her hands on my hip and face. I placed mine on her neck and cheek, we both leaned in and began the kiss. our eyes closed as the kiss was mutually enjoyable. it was so passionate and sweet , I know this is cliché but I could kiss her forever it felt like it was only us an as if fireworks erupted from her soft smooth lips. the timer dang telling us the dare was over she pecked my lips sweetly and pulled away I stood there dumb founded. I turned to the camera finally coming back to reality Avery says “damn you guys is this gonna be some you love at first site third wheel lovely dovely type shit?” I laughed and hiccupped awkwardly someone asked in the comments “how was the kiss you two?” Maihua says “it was great” that's all she said which kind of stung but maybe she just doesn't want to go into detail on camera. but to my surprise she chuckles loudly and says “im just kidding that honestly was the best kiss ive had I am just nervous and I make lesser statements to undermine how I really feel.” I smile at her and playfully top her I push her softly into the pole and kiss her again she turns us and tops me kissing me we pull apart Avery is on the ground laughing at us. we all begin to laugh knowing this is the best home coming I could've imagined. having my sister is amazing but she is the best wingman ever.

[a-strange-soul]

I never knew true sadness i only knew it in a way of selfishness. But the last few days i knew it like my best friend as i walk the halls of the hopsital trying to remember my mothers smile and her goof faces and her voice. . god i miss her voice .. Its like a song that plays over and over again not annoying but wishing you remember the name of the song is hardest part. In my case ill never hear her voice again. As i enter her room my heart beat is the only tone i hear as i watch my moms life silde away. Its crazy my momma was wide awake a 3 days ago. I hold her hand so remember her warmth. I kiss her face as tears hit her checks and hands. My throat gets sore becuase i dont want to cry so hard but i did either way as i hug her body i listen to her heart beat and mock it with my fingers. Remembering the rhythm like a test due tommorrow. I keep telling her i love you ama. I love you so much mom. My last text to her phone "i love you so much " it hurt to my soul like no other pain i never wished or asked for anything the last few days. I dont know how to act or say. My chest hurts but i know its my broken heart a real broken heart not ready to be alone. I dont want to leave my nest. But now i have be my familys strength. And im scared but also ready for my mom. I still needed so much to learn her cooking i can taste her voice to hear her teach me her touch to heal me her goofiness to make me smile her hugs to break my hard shield. My whole life changed my thoughts my personality might change because my mom was my strength and protector from the whole. She charged my batteries. She is my mom. And now i cant think about her im trying to distract myself but tears run down deep inside shes missing. Painfully maturing and taking a hold of the wheel to make sure my family dont crash but im hurt too. Mom i got this. I might fall but i can get back up. Ill cry but i wont give up. Ill always remember you momma 💜 i wish things were different. I wish you were here with us and yelling at us. But i wish for you to be in heaven. Peacefully resting with the angels and god. With my tia running around freely. One day ill be there too no matter how much i say am evil. Ill do good mom. Ill be the best. Ill continue my studies. Ill take care of eden and my dad as well as negra. But right now mom ima lay here and cry a bit becuase i miss you and im being selfish, i need you but i know you deserve so much better than this crazy world te amo mom. Mucho!