#i think I'm done with trauma dumping in my writing

[lacunasbalustrade]

"i never knew just how much i liked being needed. just how much, you understand? i knew i wanted it but not how much. until two years later i went back anonymously to visit and watched how the trains had stopped running and the ground had stopped shaking under the tremors of music and i saw. how everything was splitting apart at the seams without me. and i smiled hopelessly. finally i found permanence in how no one will ever forget my name, the one they cursed and gossiped and talked about when i was too exhausted to let go. well, now i have. and if you don't, well, I like that."

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[historicity-was-already-taken]

art has therapeutic benefits???

i was at bestie's house the other night and we decided to get stoned and PAINT. She went with a youtube tutorial. I went freestyle.

And....I painted Treblinka. It wasn't intentional, but after an hour and a half i was like "oh shit i think i painted a concentration camp" and she fucking ROASTED ME lmao.

but the thing is, it helped? ever since I did a deep dive into Treblinka I haven't been able to get certain images out of my brain. I won't be able to start getting them out of my brain until i'm pleased with chapter 5. So it's just like, chilling there, being horrible.

But painting it like, helped extract it?? I haven't done any painting since a course i took when i was 19, but i remember really enjoying it. i think i want to do more trauma dump treblinka paintings.

that's not a sentence i ever imagined myself writing, but I am very :O

meanwhile every psych student reading this is like "......water is wet?"

ETA:

Basically me ^^ lmao well said @oodlyenough

[f1llory]

i know this all started like 11 years ago but i'm still so mad at how the hunger games movies have removed practically every trace of the avoxes that they can. i know that movies can't include everything from the books, but the avoxes are so important to the story and it does a real disservice to the movies by removing them. also, it would have added maybe a couple minutes per movie to include them the way they were in the books.

there are mentions of them here and there, and we do see lavinia briefly, but the only avox who's there in any meaningful way is pollux. and they couldn't take him out of the movie! not only is he important to include with the camera crew, he has to be there because he's the one who leads the group through the tunnels. if it were possible to cut him out of mockingjay, i think they would have.

removing so many scenes with lavinia genuinely detracted from my enjoyment of the first movie. especially witnessing her capture & carrying the guilt about it. when there are avoxes waiting on her, katniss does treat them politely, but i think it would have been so important & impactful to see her truly recognizing lavinia and her humanity and trying to communicate with her like anyone else. fixing this probably wouldn't add more than like 5 minutes to the runtime, but it would be such an improvement.

and don't even get me started with darius being removed from the movies. maybe he shows us a little less about katniss's character than lavinia would, but the mentions of him in catching fire add so much to our imagination of the hob and illustrate just how different peacekeepers were in district 12. this is also the first time this has happened to someone katniss actually knows. i think this would take maybe a minute and a half to fix? at most. really all we would need to see is darius talking to katniss in the hob, then being one of the peacekeepers getting captured when thread takes over.

obviously they kept pollux in because they literally couldn't remove him from mockingjay. i don't really have any complaints about his portrayal in the movies, which is kind of surprising given how passionate i am about him. also, the movie actually portrayed castor's death better than the book! it wasn't really in the book, basically castor was there and then he wasn't. so the movie version has a lot more impact.

also, it sucks that we didn't get to hear what happened to lavinia and darius. i always have intense second-hand embarrassment at the fact that in the book, peeta realizes pollux is an avox then immediately starts trauma dumping about seeing lavinia and darius tortured to death. if it were done as written in the movie, i might have experienced literal physical pain. but at the same time, i think it's very important that katniss finds out what happened to them. also in the books, squad 451 hears all the avoxes in the tunnels screaming as the mutts kill them. i feel like that would have been really easy to add in.

anyways we are moving on before i write an entire dissertation on pollux.

it was even worse in tbosas! the movie cut the scene where snow sees dr. gaul experimenting on and torturing avoxes. it would have been absolutely horrifying to see that translated to the screen, but it's incredibly important to snow's character development and his transformation into someone who both allows and perpetuates that cruelty. also, justice for ma plinth! i think it would have been incredible to see more of her and the way she treats people. in the book, she is so kind and caring to the avoxes working in her house. they're able to communicate with her, and she cooks food that will be easy for them to eat. since treating the avoxes as remotely human is so unusual, treating them with such love and respect is a revolutionary act, and goes to show what kind of person sejanus was raised to be. i know that this would add quite a bit to the runtime, but it probably should have been two movies anyways.

i know that side/background characters are cut from movies all the time. it happens. but even without getting a lot of lines, the avoxes are incredibly important to the story. these are people who have been enslaved, tortured, and dehumanized more than basically anyone else in panem. once characters truly see the avoxes, they're forced to confront the true brutality of the capitol and what they'll do to keep people in line. i think the movies don't truly force audiences to confront the brutality of this punishment. any rebellion is punished by literally robbing people of their voices and cutting them off from everything they've known. even if there's someone left to buy their freedom, they're physically disfigured for life--even removal of part of the tongue can have catastrophic side effects.

also, characters' perceptions of avoxes can say a lot about the kind of person they are. avoxes are the lowest class in panem, and treated with about as much agency as a piece of furniture. people aren't supposed to treat them like people. they're only supposed to talk to avoxes when giving them an order. despite this, there are certain characters who choose to show them kindness and love.

anyways i'm gonna end this here before i write a post so long it crashes tumblr but pls ask me literally anything about pollux i am in love w him <3

[earthtooz]

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[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC in fifteen

Thanks for the tag @space-writes!

Rules: post 15 or less lines of dialogue that describe the personality or essence of your OC - the less context the better but you can include it

So I realized when making this Picrew post I didn't have any post like this for Akash!!

Which shocked me because he's one of the faves????

I am CHANGING THAT

People must know that I love this kid!!!

Already did OC in fifteen for Lexi, Robbie, and Noelle!

Akash Singh (TSP)

...Akash bowed midair and gestured toward the entrance. “Milady.”

“...The APTA room should be right across the hall from the mystery section. [...] I remember because when Alii first come here from Ceteri, their powers are a mystery.”

(after a racist bullying incident) “Like, dude, there’s a whole other stereotype of Indian Americans who’re neurologists or something. Like, get with the times, pick a better insult. I could be loaded for all they know. I’m not, but I’m also not on financial aid, so they’re stupid.”

Akash smirked. “Kinky.”

“And I believe you. [...] Why would you make it up? That’s weird, I agree with you.”

“A child means someone between infancy and puberty,” Akash confirmed. “He definitely has hit puberty. Do you want me to tell you about the erection he got—”

“You kick pretty high, for a short person.” I cringed. “Didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It was supposed to be a compliment.”

“You want some disemboweled innards served directly in the flesh sack?”

“When you feel velociraptor, you’ll know,” said Akash.

“Who said I wanted spontaneous?!”

“If you were a worm, how long would you be?”

“It’s all good,” I said. “So long as we’re trauma-dumping....”

“Eh. This is something that has to be done. It can’t wait any longer, and I’ve been a coward.”

“I see why you like your sweater; it’s good to cry in.”

(Robbie was a supporting role in a play) “I think Chorus Member #4 was my favorite,” Akash quipped.

Tagging @little-peril-stories @gottestod-writes @cowboybrunch @herrmannhalsteadproduction @mysticstarlightduck @eccaiia @mk-writes-stuff @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @stesierra with no pressure + ANYONE WHO WANTS

And @blind-the-winds I know you're running out of characters with enough dialogue but I'm tagging you cause well I like your tags you don't have to do this lol

Or you can make it an OC in five or something

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester who of course get special privileges to tag games if they want

[jestersmonsters]

Jester's Monster AU

Part 10 (End Of Chapter 1)

Warnings(for all parts, not just this one): Blood, gore, general angst, panic attacks, violence, death, dismemberment, attempted cannibalism (from vampires & werewolves), trauma, possible bad writing (I try), and the closest thing to realistic trauma responses I can get in a tmnt monster au.

💜First - 👈Prev - C1 Art Dump👉

Donnie was on his phone in bed, looking for more info on vampires. It was hard to know what was real and what was just fiction. He was getting increasingly frustrated.... but with what Mikey had told him, he was able to kind of guess. He preferred to write it down on a notebook or something, but since he was trying to rest, he just wrote what he knew in his notes app. He'd have to make a physical copy later. He was most worried about that "withered stomach" thing Mikey had mentioned, so he was looking for more details on that. It took some digging, but this is what he found:

Vampires can eat and drink any food or drink regularly so long as they feed on blood once a week. A week without blood will cause one to be unable to stomach human food from then on this is what they call the withered stomach. If another week passes without this being resolved, then the affected vampire will go into a defensive mode, losing control of their body and attacking any blood they can smell to drink it. If they are fed in that time, then they will return to normal, but if they remain hungry for approximately four hours longer, then the withered stomach will then become permanent if the vampire does not starve to death first.

This information cleared things up for him. No more starving himself from now on, got it. Sure didn't make him feel much better, though.... He already felt sick at the thought that this had happened to him. He assumed his little outburst had come just from that he was new to all this, and his body was still weak. Maybe he'd been trying to replenish energy lost from..... dying. It scared him, though. He'd bitten Casey of all people. That guy was supposed to be tough, and yet he wasn't able to defend himself... just how strong had the vampirism made him? Normally, the idea of being so strong wouldn't scare him, but it did. Because it came with the idea of hurting his family.

As if sensing his stress, there was a knock on the door, and Leo's voice came through. "Hey Dee, can I come in?" he asked. Without answering, Donnie just clicked a remote to open the door and let him in. Then Leo just sat on the edge of his bed, hands clasped quietly. "We didn't really get a chance to talk earlier, so I thought I'd start. And you know I don't apologize often, so you can't fight me on this, but... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not talking to you for so long. I wouldn't have minded you bringing me back to life, honestly. But the way you did it really scared me. All of it scared me. The way you looked at me with that creepy smile, all the blood, the way my body looked, all of it." he paused a moment to look at Donnie, who wasn't looking back, just staring at his phone with brows furrowed. He just sighed and kept talking. "But when you died, I think.... I understood why you looked at me that way. Because I would have done the same thing in that moment to get you back. It's still... scary.... but it felt like the only thing I could do so.... I get it." he finished. Donnie was looking at him now. He'd put his phone down, and he was just staring. His expression almost looked blank except for the slightest bit of tears brimming his eyes. Cautiously, he placed his hand on the other's.

Leon just smiled at that, understanding that it was Don's own version of an apology. "S'okay bud. I'm alright. You patched me up real good." he assured, leaning over to see what Donnie was doing. "You find anything out?" he asked. "Yeah. Just more about what my diet's gonna be like from now on." Donnie answered. "It's..... a little scary, though. I don't... I don't want to hurt anyone else." he said. To which, Leo just squeezed his hand. "Hey. I didn't get those blood bags for nothing. We're stocked up plenty! And with Raph and I around, even if you do get a little hungry, you won't get your teeth anywhere near anyone else, alright?" he assured, wearing a confident smile. But seeing Donnie was still worried, he just placed his free hand on his shell and rubbed gently. "We'll figure it out, mkay? Just get some rest. You'll be okay." he said in a quiet voice. With that, Donnie tried his best to quiet his troubled mind as he shut his eyes and drifted off to a deep sleep.

[End Of Chapter 1]

[masterwords]

only fools rush in

Summary: After a custodial interview with Vincent Perotta drags up some of Hotch's well hidden childhood trauma, he takes Morgan on a little road trip into his past. (They also have quite a bit of sex.)

Pairing: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 13.3k

Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse & child death among others...they are all on ao3 but that's the biggie.

Notes: First off, this is long. Like super long. Like probably should have broken it up into chapters but I have too many of those in progress right now and I just wanted to stamp something as finished. Second off, this is probably the best story I've written in recent months. I've been posting updates to multi-chaps but my writing has been dogshit lately and I feel like this one...isn't. It turned out nice. I'm proud of it. Third! It's basically a really long headcanon dump. And beyond that, it almost fits into the Chicago universe but not quite so if you notice some similarities...that's why. Ultimately I wanted to keep the sister thing separate though.

**

“He looks too happy,” Derek said quietly to Hotch as they stood outside the one way glass. In the small room, with its banged up gray walls and dirty tiled floor, sat Vincent Perotta. A few years older than they’d last seen him but all things considered, he looked no worse for the wear. His hair was kept as short as ever, his features stony but content, his eyes void of compassion. “I don’t like it.”

“I’ll make it quick,” replied Hotch, though the twisting aching mess in his gut told him it wouldn’t be that easy. Derek was right, he looked almost happy sitting there. Like he was ready to receive a visitor, not an interrogation, not questions pertaining to a murder.

“You think he knows anything?”

“I do. I think he was way too good at what he did to be kept in the dark.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. You think he’s glad Russo’s dead?”

“Absolutely. He may have ordered the hit himself.”

Derek turned to Hotch, eyes wide. “You really think that?”

“He blames Russo for putting him here. Always has. Russo had to have betrayed him. He already had Jimmy before we found him, so in his mind, all of these years, it can only have led him to the conclusion that Russo was working with us. Our visits to Russo sealed the deal.”

“He’s got connections on the outside.”

“I’ll bet they’re limited, he’s a relic, but they’re reliable. And whomever it was that hit Russo is likely to be someone Perotta trusts.”

“That smile…” Derek muttered, unable to escape the shiver it sent up his spine. Hotch squared his shoulders.

“He’s going to take a swing at me personally,” Hotch said, knowing what he was about to walk in to. After his last conversation with Perotta, there was nothing else to make of that smile. Perotta had done some digging and planned to share his findings. “I’d prefer if it were only you standing here.”

“Why’s that?”

Hotch bit the inside of his cheek nervously for a moment, trying to weigh his options. They weren’t good no matter which side of the scale he was on. He was walking into a well-laid trap. A small voice told him to bail, that he really didn’t care who killed Russo or why. Russo was a bad guy who did awful things and he got what he deserved...that was the easy part. But murder is murder, and that part of Hotch that believed in his oath couldn’t abide by his murder going unsolved. Not if he could manage it.

“He and I have unfinished business,” was what Hotch settled on. “In his mind.”

“How so?”

“I left him hanging on a point that he wanted to discuss. He’ll have gathered plenty of talking points, judging by the look on his face.”

“Hotch…”

“He’s going to say things I’d rather not have an audience for.”

“You want me to turn off the cameras?”

“No.” He thought about Derek in the interrogation room, Derek being faced with the realization that his colleagues were about to uncover a secret he’d done everything in his power to bury for good. Hotch had been careful then not to say anything, once he figured it out, once he saw that frightened angry look in Derek’s eye. He couldn’t turn off the camera then and he wouldn’t ask Derek to do it now. Derek’s secret had remained between the two of them and Gideon, nothing in the paperwork, nothing in any files, nothing in the trial. Buford was tried for murder, Derek didn’t have to give details and Hotch planned to keep it that way. He had a feeling Derek had since shared it with some members of the team, after going through therapy, after working through it, but that was for him to decide when and where and if he did it at all.

Hotch looked into that room and knew Perotta would give him none of the same courtesies. If he could only have one thing, if he could just not walk out of that room to an audience, he could manage. He’d be okay. That would be enough.

“You ready?” Derek asked and Hotch nodded, setting his jaw. “Good. Let’s get this over with and go home.”

Hotch grabbed the door handle, setting his palm against the cool metal and pressing down just hard enough to push it inward. He squared his shoulders and walked in with as much confidence as he could muster, given the roiling storm in his stomach.

Read the rest on AO3!

[tarabyte3]

A few months ago, I ran into an issue with another user on here where they frequently made me uncomfortable as both a person AND as a fanfiction writer. Long story short, there was a strong disregard of boundaries that eventually lead to me blocking this person. Since then, I've been thinking a lot about boundaries. So I figured I would state mine clearly so there isn't any confusion in the future.

Here is what I, as a fanfiction writer, am comfortable with:

Likes/Kudos! 💖

Comments on either Tumblr or AO3. They can be as simple or as indepth as you want/are comfortable with. I will roll around in them like they're catnip either way.

Reblogs with tags OR with a comment/reaction reply!

Asks! Including anon! Feel free to send me comments, questions, headcanons, predictions, keyboard smashes, thirst, etc!

Follows! I will be so glad to have you here and also I apologize ahead of time.

AO3 bookmarks. Specifically, I love it when people put unhinged comments on them, it makes my day. So don't worry about being too much!

If any of my fics inspired you to make something (moodboard, playlist, art, meme, another fic, etc) you can absolutely send it to me or tag me! I will cry.

If a post or something similar made you think of me or my fic, feel free to send it to me or tag me there as well!

What I'm not comfortable with:

Sending me a DM. What I mean by this: 1. Sending me a message to discuss my work in relation to any trauma you might have while also trauma dumping without consent or warning. (Fanfiction can absolutely be therapeutic to read or write, but I am not comfortable being put in that position with someone I don't know, nor am I a therapist.) 2. Messaging me to tell me how my fic inspired sexual dreams or thoughts about the character. (Yes, I write smut, but that doesn't mean I want to be cornered and exposed to something like that without consent or, again, with someone I don't know. Please understand how a DM is much different than a saucy comment in that regard.) 3. Messaging me to make what I've written completely about you without acknowledging that I wrote it. (Meaning not even a single comment like, "I enjoyed this!" or "It was good!" etc, before launching immediately into talking about yourself.) Please don't do any of this. Especially if you have not done ANY of the things listed above. You're taking all of the time, effort, creativity, and passion I put into my writing without supporting me in any way. You're also removing the community aspect of fan works. And most importantly, it makes me uncomfortable!

Being mean to me :(

My work is here on Tumblr and on AO3.

[nicosraf]

i am sorry if this is stupid but lucifer “singing” in the church to god was not him singing right? I genuinely at first understood it as him singing and the first time I thought worship is used in any sexual context is with Michael later once lucifer starts to create sin, im sorry if this is dumb but this has been stuck on my mind trying to understand especially because i wont lie i went through some mental stuff seeing thats how others perceived it. if this is true i would love to hear (if you are open) then why you chose these sequences of events

Hello! You're not dumb!!! This isn't a stupid question!! It's actually one I've been expecting for a bit now aha, so thank you for having the bravery to ask.

I'm gonna discuss that scene and then get a little broader if that's okay.

CW: discussion of SA, including that in the Bible

It's interesting people have interpreted the cathedral scene that way. A while ago, I said I'm a "dead author" person, so I don't think my convoluted intentions matter. And I still think that! I wouldn't write so metaphorically and vaguely if I weren't okay with interpretations – (not that I look at reviews, but I follow the ABM tag on most social media and sometimes things find me.) So I've seen some people upset by this scene, and it doesn't really bother me (until they insist on it and assume my intentions and think badly of me as a person.)

But if you want to know what I intended – no, I didn't write God appearing in the cathedral and sexually assaulting Lucifer. It's Lucifer singing and God telling him to continue. That's what I wrote. But I know the language I used, and I know the parallels I was drawing.

Here's the thing – ABM follows Lucifer struggling to have some sort of autonomy over his body. In the cathedral, he's having it be violated. He wants to stop singing, God won't let him. Is this scene rape? I guess it depends on what your definition of what rape is. I don't want to be philosophical and annoying, but well, I'm serious. To me, the scene is about a will being imposed on Lucifer, about his body being used in a way he doesn't want.

(On that note, worship always had a sexuality to it. This doesn't mean worship was performing sexual favors, (definitely not what I intend to imply), but just that there's always been something sexual about the practice of complete submission and praise. I remember wondering what God derived from being worshipped all day by angels, as the Bible seems to say. Did he get pleasure from it? It almost felt fetishistic to me.)

And God does "actually" assault Lucifer, later. In Eden, the last sentences of Chapter 29. (I'll save the "what does sex even mean in this book" post for another day). A part of me wants to apologize because that's upsetting, but it's supposed to be upsetting. This book is supposed to be upsetting. And I'm not just saying that because it's my trauma dump book haha. Sometimes books are uncomfortable and ugly.

But why would I write something this awful and (allegedly) blasphemous? Maybe I'm trying to say something about authorities in the Church and impressionable young people, maybe I'm trying to say something about Christianity and bodily autonomy, maybe it's about me and conversion therapy. Who cares about my intentions.

But I want to share a Bible story that I discovered a little before I wrote ABM. I was reading Ezekiel 28, this passage a lot of Christians associate with Lucifer, the epigraph of ABM:

Your heart became proud     on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom     because of your splendor. So I threw you to the earth;     I made a spectacle of you... Ezekiel 28:17 (NIV)

In Ezekiel 28, God addresses the fallen cherub angel, who had been in Eden, who had been adorned with every precious stone, who had been perfect in beauty and wisdom. He's angry the cherub became proud on account of his beauty.

I started reading the rest of Ezekiel, which I'd done before but never closely. I found Ezekiel 16.

In Ezekiel 16, God tells the story of Jerusalem, who is personified. First, he sees her as an infant, and, in God's own words: "I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked." He comes by her again, later, then decides she's "old enough for love" and clothes her. He adorns her, in jewelry. He says she becomes beautiful. He says, "And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect."

But then, God says, Jerusalem, "you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his." It doesn't say who his is. "You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. You went to him, and he possessed your beauty."

In punishment, God decides, "I will deliver you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your mounds and destroy your lofty shrines. They will strip you of your clothes and take your fine jewelry and leave you stark naked. They will bring a mob against you, who will stone you and hack you to pieces with their swords."

(In ABM, God says "Shall I deliver you to the hands of the angels, so that they strip you of your clothes, jewelry, and leave you without flesh? Shall I command a mob against you, who will stone you and hack you to pieces with swords?”)

In Jeremiah 13, God addresses Jerusalem again. He says, first, "I will weep in secret because of your pride." Then, he gets angry and says: "Because you have forgotten me and trusted in false gods. I will pull up your skirts over your face–"

I remember being really fascinated by this Jerusalem, who God seemed to have groomed, who became proud on account of her beauty, who went on to love someone else, who God decided had to be hurt by everyone, who God eventually assaulted.

[yuusaris]

@rochelle-echidna showed up in the thief king bakura tag cuz I follow it, doing a "post a couple paragraphs of your WIP" share-a-thon thing and said anyone who sees it could do it and I saw it and I wanna do it, I wanna I wanna I wannaaaaa!!!!!

tagging @millenniumringg, @justapalspal @nightingalejune and @ladymdc and anyone else who just wanna wanna wanna like meeeeeee

I'm obvs gunna do a few of these, obviously. I have too many WIP's not to share. I'm gunna do my lmk ones first, then the ygo's and I'll end on a very delayed WIP for rvb, mmkay? mmkay.

--[Unnamed]--

(Context: My last dump was to make way for this - a whole new plot and direction for a fic whose name doesn't suit it right now and is thus unrtitled - the idea is... well, honestly, this is almost all of the first chapter, so, it'll speak for itself.)

“Like a…bri-- a- a wife?” Macaque’s brow furrows. “You want to get married? You.”

“What’s that tone? I could get married if I want!” Wukong spits. “If I even want a queen - I mean, it’s not like we even need one.”

“Then why are you thinking about it?”

Wukong groans, “Well, everyone else’s got one!” and deflates at his status - the odd-king-out. “Bull’s totally gunna marry Jade Face, Peng and Tusk are saddled up, King of Confusion’s just got that new thing on his arm, even White Snake snagged herself some human to mack on-- Not that it matters!” Wukong defends - no, declares, because it is a fact. “Cuz I don’t need one just cuz everyone else is doing it, just - why’s everyone dipping on party time because of some spouse, what’s so important about them? Am I missing something here?”

“If you have to ask, you’re probably not ready for that kind of relationship--”

“Relationship, shmelationship, what’s that gotta do with anything?!” Wukong, just as he finishes, decides he doesn’t like the look on Macaque’s face either. “Y’know, for my right hand man, you’re not bein’ too helpful right now.”

--[Almost And Enough]---

(Context: My S4 Wukong In The Broken Scroll fic I've been working on sinceeeeee fffffuck, whenever it was S4 came out. I've been working on this all year and Chapter 1 IS done, but I want to finish the fic before I post. Either way, we've got a Wukong - currently not Wukong and therefore Monkey -deciding to share his Secret, that being, he's going to leave to find immortality. And he picks a very particular person to share it with first...) The Macaque looks to the sky, the trees, the fruits - as long as it’s not as his King. “The others should know.” Is his only, halting, response.

Monkey shrugs, shoulders hiking then rolling back in a way he hopes is cool. “I wanted to tell you first.”

“Why?” The Macaque asks with a dismissal that’s purely performative. “We’re not close just because we’re part of the same troop - We’re almost strangers, we’ve never even talked.”

Lies are sort of like secrets--

“You should tell the other mountain troops to merge with ours.” Monkey had suggested. “It makes no sense for us to hoard the cave when there’s others who need the shelter too!”

“I can do that,” replied the monkey, a macaque with three round ears to each side of his head. His face was a wild splatter of red with exciting flares, more extravagant than the smooth curves of Monkey’s peach-pink patch. “You’re King now, so...”

--but much less fun.

“Well, ‘almost’ isn't a stranger, is it?” Monkey grins when he finds a stick in the ground - almost a branch but just shy of earning the title. Absently, he answers as he slings it over one shoulder, “Besiiiides, us not talking is as much on me as it is you so, this is me breaking the ice and you being forgiven for not trying.”

--[My Poltergeist Is Dead And Everything Is Worse Now]--

(Context: a trauma-release fic I've been writing while mourning my cat. Weirdly took on life with sections named after bits of Bojack's eulogy for his mother. It's a funeral, taking place within the Milleniaum...Cube? Cube. Plana Cube, after Ryou got ousted from the movie by the Cube. If Joey went to a place no one remembers him, Ryou went to a surrealist funeral, where he'll be around all the people he lost, with a big focus on the Spirit of the Ring. His family is written in past tense because they have passed away and this cannot be undone or forgotten)

He sits at the pew, next to his mother, with his sister crawling into his lap. The Spirit sits behind him, and toys with Ryou’s hair, drawn back as respectably as a boy with long hair can manage. Ryou shakes his head to shake the hand off, but only succeeds in garnering Amane’s infant hands instead. 

“It doesn’t make sense, him being gone.”

Ryou listens to her speak, his eyes on the casket.

“It doesn’t feel real.”

Ryou looks to his side. His mother’s head was bowed, not looking at the coffin. Her stiff body and closed eyes unnerve him from her seat. In a rhythm, she took one long breath, exhaling, and each after became smaller and smaller. In a moment, she didn’t seem to breathe at all - Ryou checks for her chest to rise wide again, and ends up staring instead.

“Did you love him?” Ryou asks her, a thing that’s haunted him just beneath his foundations.

A glassy eye was open, pointed in Ryou’s direction. The answer took longer than Ryou was comfortable with, and the answer itself had been no sweeter.

“Do you?”

--[Love, The Me That's Killing You]--

(Context: Ryou has discovered Bakura's got Hanahaki disease and it's killing them both as they share a body. So he's trying to figure out who is it Bakura could possibly be in love with. Despite efforts to dissuade him, Bakura eventually concedes to the search, rushing Ryou past pictures of the Battle City finals until--)

“That one!” Bakura points. To a young girl with cinnamon brown hair.

“Jounouchi-kun’s sister?” Ryou asks, dreadingly, as Bakura nods, furiously. “...She’s… thirteen.”

There’s a choking sound. “Not… not that one, then.” Bakura rasps. “The other one, there was another one, still had the hair and the - there! Yes, her!” He points, it’s Isis. Ryou’s confused.

“But you just said-”

“I made a mistake, am I allowed to make mistakes?”

“About someone you love,” Ryou gestures to the petal pile, “this much?”

“It was - dark,” Bakura stutters. He stuttered. “And windy, and there was - we were in a lot of pain, Landlord…” Bakura’s brushing it all off.

“You’re dying over someone you just mistook for someone else?”

“Well, it’s not like I spent a lot of time with her, is it?!” Bakura barks. 

“Then what could you possibly love about her?!”

“That… is…!” Bakura stops, sputtering, “That is exactly it! She doesn’t speak to me unnecessarily, just how I like it! She knows her place, unlike a certain someone!” 

“Seen and not heard, is she?” Ryou gags, of his own reflexes, in disgust at the slime-coated sentiment. With a choke, Bakura balks, mumbling about Ryou understanding when he’s older.

--[3 Reasons Why (I Never Told You I Was Playmaker)]--

(Context: I love VRAINS. I love Chatshipping. I will write the Chatshipping somehow.)

“You don’t gotta tell me all that,” Shima says - as if it’s so simple to say even this! “Just say you don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You would have complained that I was keeping something from you,” Yusaku replies, without looking. “You would have felt hurt, gotten upset and run off.”

“I’m never upset with you!” Shima’s shocked, somehow. Yusaku only glances at him, brows stitched in dulled disbelief. “Well.. not for more than an hour, at least!”

‘Not for more than an hour’. Typical Shima.

“And," he continues, pointedly, "I wasn’t upset you ‘got secrets’,” Shima looks out, as if looking for where Yusaku’s eyes had just been. “You act like I’m too stupid to understand stuff.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid,” Yusaku’s quick to deny. Something about what Shima said twists a knot in his chest. “I think you’re overexcitable and you don’t always think things through, and-”

“Sounds like a stupid guy to me,” Shima interrupts with a frown. 

Yusaku’s mouth is stuck open from that, having no course correction for that comment.

Shima, not Typical Shima, stands up. He’s not looking at Yusaku. His fists go into his pockets.

“Whatever,” He shrugs. “See you at school.”

With too straight a gait, Shima walks with a tremble. It quickly gives way into a bursting sprint once he can’t hold it back. And Yusaku is the coward who doesn’t stop him.

--[Wedding Soup (Chapter 2)]--

(Context: after a sleepless night and wrestless workday, Ryou's sunset afternoon ends with many... many tsuchinoko in the backyard. They are notorious liars, known for their penchant for drinking and a deadly bite.)

“And I didn’t even get a chance to answer, the cashier just went,” Ryou pauses, as another dizzy spell hits him. “ ‘Cash or Card’.” With an offended sniff, he takes another long drink of tea - black and intense and brewed with double the teaspoons to make sure it keeps him awake. Ryou sets the mug down with a huff. “As if I’m doing something burdensome by personally restoring a cultural landmark.” 

“This is a nice trap,” One of the tsuchinoko says from the writhing ball. 

“It was certainly the nicest there,” Ryou says. “Not too painful, is it?”

“Agonizing!”

“Oh good, you wouldn’t believe how awful the others looked.” At the corner of his eye, Ryou spies another one slithering towards a covered trap. If the others are aware, they’re just as keen to warn it as Ryou is. “I even looked some up before I went out -  for every humane trap I found in that place, there were ten more glue traps.”

“Sounds fun!”

“I know. I swear, the heartlessness of some people--”

A snap, a yelp, then the frantic rattling of metal as the tsuchinoko flings itself across the trap cage. Ryou dons his thick gloves again, getting up from his spot on the back porch. “Here, here,” he says softly. One hand holds the snake firmly by the back of its tiny head, the other taking the flat bottom of the small cage. He lifts it from the ground, quickly shifts it to the larger tank, and tilts it before opening the flap. 

“In you go.”

--[Gore Couture]--

“Just last week, residents of rural Blood Gulch reported screaming around 2 AM. Police responded within minutes of the third report, but were only able to narrow down the location an hour after arriving on the scene. When officers arrived, they found no body, but confirmed the presence of human blood and organ tissue.”

“Can this schmuck emphasize any more words?” Isaac leaned against the break room counter, watching up at the screen.

“This isn’t a gossip channel,” Mason Wu’s stressed tone signaled agreement. “Someone’s missing at least a liter of blood.”

The television at the station at least showed part of his work on the news, a brief interior look into the storage cubicle. Without the corpse in the arranged outline, there were only blood splatters, disarrayed furniture and a signature - Gore Couture by Felíx.

Maybe the accent on the ‘i’ was a bit much.

“A liter?” Isaac gaped. “Ho-o-oly shit.”

“You’re a damn sociopath,” Wu whipped back to glare. “You do know you’re on thin ice for being a no-show that night--”

“I told you already,” Isaac shrugged. His coffee sloshed dangerously close to the rim of his mug. “I was with somebody.” It wasn’t a lie - Isaac was with abody.

[estellardreams]

Sometimes I have random plot thoughts on stories that I like reading or am writing and I just wanna talk about a few that keep squirming around in my mind.

Tachophobia AU: Random Idea... In an attempt to stop his friends from reverting Niko back to Sonic, Starline secretly takes them into the facility and starts manipulating them in similar but also different ways. They could interact if he wanted, but it'd be a "Psych Ward" situation.

Imprisonment/Cybernetic AU: I have done a lot of messed up shit to characters before, and this isn't any different. Just look at my Cybernetic AU because jeez Issue 4 went hard on Sonic's trauma. It was actually my favorite to write and draw. I also got all of the work done in FOUR DAYS. (strange record. Was going to see a friend soon and I cranked out 11 pages and finished right before midnight the day before)

I actually wing a ton of my writing, and many plots don't get off the ground unfortunately because of it. So to shoutout some of those abandoned comics... "Not So Different" (A short mini between Canon!Shadow and Cybernetic!Sonic bc I noticed how similar they were), that one mlp x sonic pony comic I only got one page done for and don't have a name for, another mlp x sonic crossover comic featuring the Paradox Prism I only got to the cover art for, and that Imprisonment AU comic I completely forgot about and... Unfortunately abandoned but idk might come back to it.

Shadow Prime AU: I've always wanted to make a comic adaptation of the fic, and I might come around to it eventually once I decide what I wanna do. The main issue is the art style... Do I want it fully colored, black and white, or selective coloring? Not too sure but I'm kinda leaning on fully colored. But I still gotta finish Cybernetic but it's on hiatus due to burnout.

Sonic Cybernetic AU: I've actually wished for a game adaptation of the comic. Or at least... Working models people could use for other games to add them. I just think that'd be neat, but I can't code or model for anything.

Sometimes I accidentally enforce personal headcanons or personal experience to my writing... This happened recently with the "Rollercoaster" fic from the Tachophobia AU (reminder: I just like it. I did not create it. That belongs to @boom-fanfic-a-latta and @the-sky-queen.) Because I unintentionally drew from my own experiences from an amusement park. Although they were exaggerated a bit, they're still oddly close to my original memories. When I was younger, I liked going to the County Fair, and for the longest time I hated fast rides. I'd always panic on them, and my favorite ride was this caterpillar one (it was also slow paced and kinda bumpy). And Niko's experience, albeit shifted to be more like his character, was exactly how I felt on my first fast ride... Absolutely fucking terrified. I also sometimes have a nervous stammer and suffer from anxiety issues, so... I might've unintentionally written Niko to feel similarly to me at amusement parks when I was younger.

Anyway, just some random stuff, wanted to info-dump too. Cool? Okay, bye!

[comfy-whumpee]

1, 6, and 10 for Jax, please!

Hey there number 2 Jax fan 💕 (no.1 is @ashintheairlikesnow and if you're new here, Ash writes Savvie, Izzy and Jamie)

What common traits do you share with your oc? What about them is the least like you?

This is an especially interesting one for Jax because he's probably the whumpee who's least like me. Normally you portion out your issues to your whumpees, right? Ty has my sensory issues, Ellis has my anxiety, Spencer has my academic burnout, Northlight has more sensory and trust issues…

Jax was just there to be a defiant little shit and then he developed that into a whole character because Savvie came into existence.

Dad Jax is most like me. His interaction with Jamie but especially Izzy often mirror how I try to support some of the kids I've met. I've worked with some vulnerable kids, and the unique calm that Jax can channel when his babies need it is something I'm often praised for at work.

But I am not an angry person, and who would Jax be without the power of fury and hate? That's part of why he's so fun to put in Situations.

6. How much thought does your oc put into what they wear/look like? Any reason why?

Before the Teacher and Savvie, Jax could be a little vain and had confidence in his appearance. While Savvie would have done her emotionally needy whump regardless, I do wonder if she would have gone further if Jax wasn't pretty good-looking. So he used to put effort into wearing clothes that suited him and looked cool. Obviously, that was punk shit.

When he came back the first time he completely switched to clothes that wouldn't grab attention, and only occasionally went out in clothes he liked when he knew he'd be around other people who were dressed that way. Being stalked did not help at all, and when he came back with the kids, he defaulted to T-shirt and jeans, with or without jacket, most of the time. The main thing he does pay attention to is whether he wants to hide his shock collar scars that day (which is most days), with a scarf or bandanna.

10. What are some of your oc’s pet peeves? How do they handle it when the annoyance doesn’t stop?

It's hard to think of a pet peeve that doesn't have some deep-seated Savvie-related trauma behind it. Most of them are. Don't put flavouring in his coffee. Don't touch him out of turn. Don't clap your hands in excitement. Don't fake smiles. Don't comment on whether his kids are cute and definitely do not ever call Izzy a good girl.

The first infraction gets a glare, then a terse shutdown. People who continue after that, in his mind, deserve to be sworn at or - if they're stupid and not just mean - they get aggressively trauma-dumped on to shock them out of it.

For a light-hearted pet peeve, he thinks the music elitists you get in the alt scene are all dumbasses.