#i think even they are surprised by how easy their relationship is (at its core)

[bluetooththereptile]

Father in law (part one)

(Potential yandere Bruce Wayne x reader)

( English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in the following text.)

Note: I use a gender neutral name, Angel, for Bruce's child.

Summary: Your life with your partner isn't going well, you have to do something about it.

Tw: mentions of abuse, harm and unaliving.

The sound of the TV echoed in the living room of the Manor, the atmosphere of the room tense, it had been like that since whenever you visited your partner. You rolled your eyes as you heard the chuckles of the presenters on the screen, a picture of you taken by paparazzi when you were in a hurry plastered on the corner of the screen. Angel tried to distract you by offering you a cup of tea but you declined, making them worry even more for you, but you were too lost in your misery to care.

Since your relationship became serious with Angel your life had become a literal hell, every date had ended up in some form of misery for you, Angel didn't get any of the side effects of your situation though and you didn't know how it had happened. How you had ended up on the paparazzi news, your life displayed as the worst version of what it could be, belittled and bullied, you had lost your job because of your tarnished image and you had lived in your car since your landlady had thrown you out because you were a "sexually deviant, arrogant and abuser" person and she didn't want you close to her own home. Speaking of the car, you had to refill its tank, but you didn't have the money for it. Damn it!

You groaned under your breath as you looked At angel who had tilted their head to the side, calling your name to catch your attention. God, how much you both hated and loved them at the same time. It was easy to love them, they were kind and caring, beautiful in every sense, perfect in every way, no wonder they were so popular, but, that also was the reason that you hated them as well, they had everything you did not, and since the time you had started dating, your life had become a literal hell.

"Angel..." you spoke, a little surprised by your tone, it sounded...weak "I wanted to talk about something..." Their body turned towards you so they could give you their whole attention, you wanted to wince at the gleam in their eyes, they looked at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world, at first it was pleasant to have someone like that but now it was sort of like a hex, giving you the chills. Shivering slightly you cleared your throat and shifted on your seat "I've been thinking about breaking up..."

"What?! Why?!" Angel's hurt voice made you recoil in your seat, you wanted to tell them everything, to tell them all that happened to you had made you miserable, but you only sighed in their response "Something has been bothering you?" Angel's question made you wince, Angel was perfect but had a mortal flaw, they were delusional, you didn't know but it ran in their family. In their eyes you weren't dirty or miserable, you were simply tired, bored, or perhaps a little sick. What was on TV was just a joke, and perhaps you didn't have the humor to laugh at it, you were just a little rusty, that's all, right? Then why you wanted to break up? Was the date you had not good enough? Your dates were so much fun, they always ended up with a funny scene, you had so much fun together, and you were perfect together, why now you were talking about breaking up?

You palmed your face, sighing, looking away from Angel, only to see their father standing in the corner with an interested look on his face, Bruce Wayne, oh God you hated that man to your core, whenever you met him he'd roast you so hard that you'd end up like a lump of burnt coal, the look in his eyes showed that he looked down on you, not to mention his fucking family, ugh, you just wanted to get away from all of this, after all, you got into that mess just for the sake of dating Angel Wayne.

You turned to your partner "Look, I just want to break up okay?" Angel paused, the look on their face darkening, oh dear God here we go. "Am I not enough? Y/N, I have done everything I could to make you happy! What is wrong? Don't you love me anymore?" "No! I don't love you anymore!" You said harshly, wanting to push them away, even if it meant they'd be hurt emotionally, but to your frustration, Angel took in a deep breath before speaking "I know I have been busy with my work and you've been under so much pressure lately, I understand that you feel burnt out and want to take some time apart but breaking up is just overreacting to our situation!"

You felt like you'd want to roll your eyes so hard that they'd come out of the other side of your head, they didn't want to understand, they didn't take no by its literal meaning. You sighed, rubbing your eyes, if it was with someone else you'd feel thrilled that someone was so understanding and considerate, so hell-bent on keeping you by their side but this wasn't that, you felt like you were suffocating under the pressure. Your phone rang, making you flinch, as you looked down at its screen you let out a scoff, it was another call from another unknown number, how your phone number had ended up on the internet for people to bully, you didn't know. You were sick of this, sick of life itself!

No job, no house, your own family hated you for just existing after fabricated evidence of your various offenses had been published, you couldn't hurt a fly, and yet you have assaulted an old lady...sexually?!?! Angel touched your arm to pull you out of your thoughts but then you slapped their hand away. standing up, you didn't even turn to look back at them for the last time, ignoring their pleas "Y/N, you're being ridiculous please stay-" Angel paused as Bruce talked "Let them leave darling..." you rolled your eyes once more before walking away, not looking back to see the smirk on Bruce's face as he held his child

down by their shoulders on their seat; stopping them from following you.

You didn't know why all of this had happened, you didn't know that it was all because of Bruce Wayne, the bastard himself. He had paid people to tarnish your image, ruin your livelihood, and push you into depression so you'd let go of his child, you were never perfect for his Angel, his Angel deserved someone so much better than you. Barging out of the Manor you walked your way outside the yard and the gates, of course, you didn't have the money to pay for a taxi, so you started a walk into the night, too frustrated and angry to think of your safety.

Before you could figure out where you were heading you found yourself in front of the drugstore your mother used to take you to, the cashier was still the same old lady with those large eyeglasses. Without thinking you headed into the store, perhaps some nostalgia would help? The smell of lavender filled your nostrils, you walked to the second isle to avoid eye contact with the cashier, sighing as you looked at the different things for sale, until your eyes landed on the familiar brown bottle, something that your mother used to call her little helpers...Xanax.

You reached out for the bottle and looked at it, whenever your mother took one of these everything seemed better since she'd end up more relaxed, perhaps if you were to take some you'd feel better too? But you didn't have the money to buy it, and clearly, you didn't want to embarrass yourself by asking to borrow it, so you looked around, and since the only camera in the old store was way away from you, you quickly put the bottle in your pocket, walking out of the store as if nothing had happened, you'd finally have some resemblance of relaxation soon.

....

Angel's cries echoed in the Manor as they banged their fists on the door, pleading for their father to be let out, they had to see you, they had to touch your body, even if it meant it was cold already. Bruce closed his eyes, leaning to the door of their room as he tried to think of something else, something other the fact that your suicide had ended up messing his child so much that they had gotten into a maniac episode. Dick had found your body in the car, motionless with the empty bottle of pills, you had given up on everything.

But what bothered Bruce was not your death or Angel's distress, it was the fact that he felt...pain. surely it wasn't because he deep down had softened up a little for you, right? He had told himself those lies for about a week, and it was driving him mad, he had to do something about it to save both his sanity and Angel's, and he'd do anything in his power to make things right.

[nolita-fairytale]

j is for james beard... and for jealousy | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader

pairing: jealous boyfriend!carmy x female!reader 

word count: 7.4k

summary: after sydney takes home a big win at the james beard awards, you and your boyfriend carmy run into an old rival for a fiery, chaotic, and surprisingly sexy night. companion piece to 'make my heart surrender' but can be read as a standalone oneshot.

warnings: 18+ chapter, minors dni: lots of swearing, p*rn with a plot, smut, p in v unprotected sex (reader is using hormonal birth control in monogamous relationship), praise kink, rough jealousy sex

a/n: how dare I drag poor james beard into this hetero nonsense?! anywayssss surprise i'm back because i keep having ideas for these two. maybe one day i'll just write a carmy x reader piece that doesn't include this character but for now... please enjoy this literal porn with a plot. also: let's all agree that toxic jealousy is a red flag in relationships, however, i wanted to work with a scenario where carmy would perhaps be more sexually assertive.

“I look ridiculous,” Carmy had grumbled earlier that day, at his reflection in the mirror. 

He had never felt like himself while wearing a suit. Sure, he would spend time, effort, and money into finding the perfect vintage denim jacket, but a suit? He’d much rather be behind the scenes, in his chef whites, instead of this. 

“You look…” you’d countered him, emphasizing the word ‘look’. “...hot, Carmen.”

He’d given you somewhat of a half smile in response – flattered by your comment, and also unconvinced you hadn’t just said in an attempt to get him out of the house. 

Or out of obligation. 

Because he’s your boyfriend. Because you’ll say anything to get him out for Syd’s big night. Because you love him. 

Carmy had never gotten used to the whole celebrity aspect of the food world – especially his own. These award ceremonies were always an uncomfortable reminder that he never quite felt like he fit in. 

“Do you think Syd would kill me if-?” Carmy had asked, shifting uncomfortably. 

“Baby, Sydney is counting on us… and she and I will both kick your ass if you don’t get in the car,” you’d cut him off, because there was no way in hell he was getting out of this. With a scowl on his face, you’d dragged him down the stairs and into your Uber. 

And that’s how he ended up here, at the James Beard award ceremony on a Sunday night, as you all wait anxiously for the announcement. While the restaurant hadn’t been open long enough to be nominated and was actively in a state of ‘working out the kinks,’ Carmy’s celebrity in the food world had brought in a lot of press. Ever since Sydney and Carmy had become partners in the reopen, he had been more than happy to let her take center stage. When the nominations were announced, and Sydney was on the list, he was ecstatic for her. Truthfully, it was a relief that she seemed to do much better with all the stuff he wasn’t crazy about: press, interviews, the spotlight. 

“Wake me up when this snoozefest is over,” Richie mumbles trying his best to pretend he’s not having a good time. You snort, shooting Richie a look, because you know it’s one of the most exciting nights he’s had in a while. 

Besides Carmy, who wouldn’t want to get all dressed up to go to a fancy party and celebrate Sydney?

You’ve somehow managed to corral the core staff of The Bear here this evening. The entire restaurant had been abuzz when the nominations were announced, and talks of who would get stuck at the restaurant the night of the award ceremony had already begun. It was an easy decision to close the restaurant for that night, so that everyone who wanted to could attend. 

Your life here is better than you ever imagined it could be. Working your ass off in a kitchen that you love has been invigorating. It’s helping you fall in love with the process all over again. You suspect that your time in fine dining had, perhaps, run its course even before you quit your last job. Back then, here is what you’d longed for on the days you felt your most lost. You love being a teacher; you love mentoring Marcus. He’s got a desire to learn that never quits, and it inspires you day in and day out. But most importantly, you’re head over heels in love. You’re so deeply in love with Carmy that sometimes, you wonder what took the two of you so long to pull the trigger.

Tonight is no different. You’re surrounded by people you adore more than anything  – people you’ve been in the trenches with during a dinner service from hell, people you’ve laughed your ass off with after a round of drinks outside of the restaurant – and you’re all here to celebrate someone who’s become a close friend of yours. It’s just another reminder – another sign from the universe – that you made the right decision.

And you’re sure Sydney is going to win. 

You’re not sure how you know. 

You can just feel it. 

Sydney sits between Carmy and Marcus, and you’re seated in between Carmy and Richie. You notice Carmy’s leg is bouncing up and down impatiently as he anticipates the next category of awards. Even though you know these big social events put Carmy on edge, you know he’s really just nervous for her. 

“And the winner… for the James Beard Rising Star award of 2023…” the announcer, esteemed chef Mashama Bailey begins, grabbing the attention of the entire room. 

Your heart is pounding in your chest, and Carmy continues to fidget nervously. You reach across Carmy’s lap, grabbing Sydney’s hand and giving it a squeeze of reassurance. Sydney holds on to you, and while you’re sure she might cut off your circulation from squeezing so tightly, you don’t mind. You’re all on the edges of your seat. 

“Sydney Adamu of The Bear!”

You and Carmy are cheering as loudly as you can, while Richie jumps to his feet letting out a loud ‘whoop.’ A chorus of ‘that’s right,’ ‘she won!’ and ‘c’mon syd’ echoes through Tina, Gary, and Ebra and Manny, while Angel is already on his feet taking a video of the crowd. Everyone is cheering so boisterously you’re not sure it’ll ever stop. 

“You won, Syd!” you yell over the loud claps and cheers, giving her hand one more squeeze. She rises, letting go of your hand, you and Carmy both following to give her some space to walk through the aisle. 

“Let’s go, Syd! That’s right. That’s right,” Marcus calls out loudly, jumping to his feet with Richie and earning a few looks from the people sitting to the right and left. 

“Congratulations, chef,” Carmy whispers, as she passes him by. You watch as Marcus ushers her over to the aisle so that she can go up to the stage while Angel films the whole thing on his iPhone. Carmy has the proudest look on his face, the tip of his nose the lightest blush pink, and you’re beaming as you watch your friend make her way towards the stage of the opera house. 

“Remember when this was you?” you whisper to Carmy, catching his attention. 

“Tonight everything changes for her,” Carmy replies, grinning from ear to ear. 

“For the both of you,” you add. “For all of us.”

The night he won the rising star award put him on the map. While you hadn’t known Carmy at the time, you’d heard about him in those early days of both of your careers. Carmy had risen so quickly through the ranks that by the time you met him, he was only a few weeks away from his promotion to CDC at the old restaurant. Not only did this put Sydney on the map, but it was better press for The Bear than anyone could ask for. 

“Congratulations, baby,” you say, kissing him on the cheek. He just shoots you a look, the pride evident in his eyes, before wrapping his arm around you and holding you close. 

~

“I just wanna say,” Richie begins, having garnered the attention of your group. You’re all huddled in a circle at the reception, champagne flutes in everyone’s hands. 

“I know we don’t always see eye to eye…” Richie toasts, earning a few looks and side comments from your team. “And don’t forget about that time you stabbed me… but even if this brings a bunch of fuckin’ strokes to the restaurant, we’re so fuckin’ proud of you.” 

“To Sydney, who’s… what does Carmy say… changed the chemistry and who is the heart of this restaurant,” Ebra adds on. 

Tina smiles proudly, raising her glass to Sydney. It brings a smile to your face to see her all dressed up too. 

“Syd, I don’t know where the hell we’d be without you,” Carmy continues, raising his glass. 

“Cheers to you, Sydney!” you say, clinking champagne glasses, before taking your first celebratory drink as a team. 

It doesn’t take long for your group to break off into smaller ones – making comments about how out of place you all feel at this fancy of an event. Richie’s wrapping an arm around Carmy’s shoulder, ushering him to a side conversation – something about ‘lizards this’, and ‘the working class that.’ 

“So how do you feel?” you ask, turning towards Sydney, taking a moment to quietly congratulate your friend. 

“I think I’m still in shock,” she sighs in relief, earning a chuckle from you. 

“Well, I’ll cheers to that. You know. To calm the nerves,” you joke, raising your glass once more. 

“To liquid courage,” she agrees, clinking glasses with you again, as you both decide just to finish off your flutes of champagne. 

“Can I get you another drink?” you offer, placing your now empty champagne 

“Oooo can you get me one of those fancy themed cocktails I saw at the bar earlier?” Sydney replies, excitedly. 

“Anything for you,” you say back. 

“And when you’re back, I think I saw Carla Hall has a tasting table here so we should make our rounds,” Sydney mentions, because there’s no way either of you are missing out on the fact that the best chefs in the world are cooking in this room right now. 

You nod in agreement, heading to the bar to get both you and Sydney a new round of drinks. 

“What can I getcha?” the bartender asks. 

You glance at the menu, deciding on your go-to, a gin and tonic, and then one of the featured cocktails of the evening that Sydney mentioned, knowing she’s a tequila drinker. You wait at the bar for your drinks, knowing the fancy mezcal cocktail you just ordered for Sydney will take a little bit of a time to make. 

“I was wondering when I’d run into you,” you hear a voice say, grabbing your attention. It’s a familiar voice that you were really hoping you’d never have to hear again. 

“Funny, because I was hoping to avoid you,” you quip back, turning to the man who’s just joined you at the bar. His bravado alone is enough to earn an eye roll from you and you can feel your guard going up. 

“What’re you doing here?” you ask, unable to hide the disdain in your voice. 

“You haven’t heard?” he asks, a cocky smirk on his face that you just want to slap off of it. 

“I don’t make it my business to keep up with you, Walker,” you shoot back, using his last name as a formality, completely unamused by his question.

“God, I love it when you talk dirty,” he croons, a flirtatious low chuckle rumbling out of his chest. 

You ignore him, rolling your eyes for the second time in the last two minutes, as you thank the bartender who’s just come back with your gin and tonic. You raise the glass to your lips, getting a head start since now, you definitely need this drink. 

“Moved to LA. Took a CDC position out there. Besides, after you left… New York was… getting boring,” he explains, playing it cool. He drops the name of the well-respected LA restaurant that he’s running now in an attempt to impress you, which only seems to piss you off further. 

You scoff in response. If you weren’t waiting on Sydney’s drink, you’d be long gone by now, but as you watch the bartender burn a sugar cube, you wonder how damn long it takes for a fucking mezcal drink to be made. 

Maybe if I’ll just ignore him, he’ll fuck off, you think to yourself.

“You know, I was surprised to hear you moved to Chicago. Left without saying goodbye. Then again, should’ve known…” he provokes, continuing his very one sided conversation. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Nate?” you snap, turning your head to him, instantly regretting giving him the attention he’s so desperately seeking.

He raises an eyebrow, before nodding towards Carmy as a reply. Your gaze follows, and you can tell that Carmy’s noticed who you’re talking to at the bar. 

“It’s a small world. Word gets around. People talk.”

But you’re not listening to him, your eyes fixed on Carmy. Carmy sends a look of concern your way, but you nod back to him as if to say ‘all good.’ You can hold your own here. Nate watches carefully, noticing the look you share with Carmy across the room. He was always a detail oriented son of a bitch. 

“Classic golden boy,” Nate sighs, the envy in his voice giving him away. 

“Don’t you think your little one sided rivalry with Carmy is getting a little old?” you laugh dryly. 

“One sided?” Nate asks back, taking a step towards you. 

“Yeah, one sided,” you repeat, standing your ground. Now way in hell you’re going to let this asshole back you up. “Because if I recall correctly, he never indulged you in your silly little games.”

Nate laughs again, taking another step towards you that makes you increasingly more uncomfortable. 

“If that’s how you remember it.”

“Oh grow up.”

“Not when golden boy gets everything I want.”

“You’re so full of shit!” you exclaim, finally taking a step back. “Carmy’s had to work for everything he’s achieved. You and I both know that.”

“How do you think he’d feel,” Nate starts, and you’re not sure if he’s trying to sound seductive or intimidating – neither of which are working on you. “... if he knew about what happened between us? After he left New york? It was… what? A week, maybe two, before you jumped into bed with me?”

“Carmy knows I’m not a thing to be had, Nate,” you seethe, glaring at him. 

The bartender returns with your second drink finally. 

“You sure about that?” Nate smirks, reaching out to touch you. 

What a fucking asshole. 

“You’re disgusting,” you seethe, jerking your arm away from him. You take both of your drinks, and you can’t get out of there fast enough. 

“It was great catching up,” he calls after you, cockily. 

“Can’t say the same,” you say, not even turning to look back at him. 

You return to your group, holding in your fury. It’s Sydney’s big night and you’d much rather focus on that than the asshole of an old coworker you can’t fucking stand. You try to shake off the interaction, deciding it’s not even worth expending energy on. 

“What the hell was that all about?” Sydney asks, having witnessed your tenuous interaction with the man you called Nate. She thanks you as you hand her her new drink. 

“Absolute trashcan of a human. We used to work with him. In New York,” you said, letting out a puff of flustered air. 

“Okay but… that was weird right?” Sydney questions, seeing that this guy’s clearly gotten under your skin.

“Totally. He’s a piece of shit. He and Carmy always had this weird rivalry but it was mostly on his end. I… also may or may not have made the dumbest mistake ever once upon a time and slept with him… like… over a year ago,” you confess, feeling just a little bit guilty about it. 

“Noooo,” she replies, her eyes widening. “You slept with that guy?”

“Yeah,” you answer, regretfully. “Not one of my finest moments. Long story short: right after Carmy left New York to come back here, I got a little too drunk with some coworkers. I was really sad and it was stupid, and uh, he was… let’s just say more than happy to play the part of a good listener.”

“Can’t imagine that guy being good, or a listener, let alone both at once,” Sydney replies, seeing the negative effect he’s had on you in one conversation.

“Yeah, It was a stupid fucking mistake and I regretted it the next morning. If you can believe it, he got even more insufferable when he realized it would never happen again,” you tell her, shaking off the bad taste in your mouth the conversation left you with. 

“Yo,” Carmy says, hesitantly. He can tell that you’re pissed after your conversation at the bar. “Everything good?”

“Yeah,” you answer, honestly. “Just Nate Walker being a fuckin’ asshole. But what’s new?”

“Hey Syd! Let’s go grab a bite,” Marcus calls to her. 

“You guys mind?” she asks, looking from you to Carmy. 

You shake your heads ‘no’, and honestly, you’re glad it gives you a little time alone with your boyfriend. You watch as Sydney leaves with Marcus to make the rounds, leaving you and Carmy alone. 

“Haven’t heard that name in a while,” Carmy starts, bringing Nate up again. He can feel his face beginning to heat up as he asks you about it. 

“Yeah.”

“Biggest jackoff in New York City.”

“Well, apparently he’s LA’s problem now.”

“Fucko,” Carmy says, shaking his head at the memory of his pain in the ass sous. He can’t figure out why seeing Nate talk to you near-sent him into a blind rage, but you’d reassured him that you were good so, he let you hold your own. 

“Seems like he had a lot to say to you.”

“Yeah, lucky me,” you reply dryly. 

“After that I think I need a shower. Or a bath of bleach.”

Carmy lets out a small laugh, releasing some of the tension he, unknowingly, was holding in his body. 

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about Nate,” you say, changing the subject. 

It’s not that you feel weird about it – that you’d feel weird telling Carmy about what happened between the two of you – but it just feels so small and insignificant in the face of the love that you have with Carmy. 

“Good, me either,” Carmy exhales. 

Another release in pressure. 

He wonders if he’d been this tense all night, or if seeing you with Nate had managed to piss him off this much. 

“You wanna dance?” you ask him, a mischievous smile on his face. You offer a hand out to him. 

“Baby, you know I don’t dance,” he states, matter of factly. 

“I know. But I do,” you say, with a wiggle of your eyebrows. 

“One dance,” he warns, earning a triumphant smile from you.

He takes your hand, prompting you to put your drink down on the table where you’re all posted up at. Carmy shakes his head, surprised that you’ve coaxed him this far out of his comfort zone. As he pulls you into his arms, you giggle, wrapping yours around his neck and sway to the loud music in the background. 

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” he asks you with such genuine love in those beautiful blue eyes of his. 

He thinks you look like a goddess – could be the dress, but he’s pretty sure it’s you. Your hair is shorter now than it was a few months ago and lays in the softest, most gentle waves, parted perfectly down the middle. He hasn’t stopped staring at cherry red-painted lips all night, and every time he gets a peek of your legs through the high slit in the dress you’re wearing, he swears he short circuits. 

Not to mention the low neckline. He’d watched you tie the top of the dress into a plunging neckline, and had to hold back his ask for you to cover up. It’s not that he cared about what you wore. But if he hadn’t been going to therapy over the last few months, he might feel some kind of way about anyone else getting to see any part of your breasts – anyone but him. 

“A couple of times… but I won’t be mad about hearing it a few more, Bear,” you grin, leaning into him. 

He smiles at your use of his childhood nickname. Back in New York, he’d kept it from you. It was just a reminder of what he’d left behind: his psycho mom, a nightmare of pain from his psycho-fucked-up family, how much it hurt when Mikey cut him out. But now, he loves the way it sounds coming from your lips, your voice the sweetest thing he’s ever heard. While he knows it’s taken him a long time to let you in, he’s glad he has. Whether it be at the restaurant or at the home you share together, you’ve become one of the most consistent things in his life. 

The rest of the night is almost perfect. It’s filled with dancing, catching up with coworkers and friends in the culinary world, and most importantly, a celebration with your chosen family. That is, until you hear Sydney swear halfway across the room, catching the attention of you and Carmy both. 

Carmy’s looking past you to where Nate is towering over Sydney at the bar. If looks could kill, he’s pretty sure Nate would be dead by now. 

“Is that Nate again?” Carmy asks, his face pink as he feels a rush of blood flow throw him. 

You can see that Sydney is practically in the same place you were an hour ago. You watch as he steps in front of her, practically blocking her in between him and the bar. 

“I don’t like this. We should go over there,” you say with a sense of urgency. 

Carmy agrees, and Richie and Marcus, who you’re currently conversing with, follow close behind. 

“Okay. You need,” Sydney warns, her voice deliberate, like a rattlesnake giving one last warning before it strikes. “... to back… the fuck up.” 

His response is even worse, causing a fire to burn in your belly as you overhear what he says to Sydney. 

“Oh come on,” he coos, forcing himself closer to her. “I’m just trying to have a little fun.”

Sydney takes another step to the side, trying her best to escape him and holding her hands up as a barrier while you charge at him. Your sudden movement attracts his attention, giving Sydney the out that she needs. You put both of your hands on his chest, shoving him away from her as you shout. 

“She said ‘no.’ What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Nate’s got such a smug, satisfied smirk on his face that, if you weren’t in a room filled with the best chefs in the world, you’d actually punch it right off of him. Carmy follows you, protectively standing behind you. 

“Jealous?” he asks, amused. His eyes flicker over to Carmy, whose face is beginning to heat up, turning a brighter shade of red by the moment.  

“In your dreams, asshat,” you spit back. 

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” he says, completely satisfied as Carmy’s fist clenches. He’s clearly enjoying just how much he’s getting under his old boss’ skin. 

You feel Carmy step towards him, but you turn to him, placing a hand on his abdomen to stop him, “Bear, it’s not worth it.”

“Did you tell him?” Nate asks you, with the intention of stirring the pot. 

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, shaking your head in absolute disbelief. 

“Tell me what?” Carmy asks you softly. 

“How does it feel, golden boy? To know that the one thing you always wanted… I got to first,” Nate sneers, a threatening sound in his voice. He looks from you to Carmy, assessing the damage. 

Before Carmy can say anything, it’s you who lurches towards NAte, and Carmy’s wrapping his arms around you to hold you back. You can feel the tension in his arms as he holds you against his chest protectively. 

“Okay this motherfucker is just asking for it,” Richie seethes, charging towards Nate. 

“Richie, don’t!” Sydney shouts, shooting him a ‘please don’t make a scene’ look. 

It takes all of Richie’s self control to stop himself. He nods to her, holding up his hands as a surrender. He begins to take a few steps back as your uncomfortably public standoff continues. 

Sydney has retreated back so that she stands side by side with Marcus, while Carmy’s loosened his grip on your waist. 

By the look on Nate’s face, you can tell he thinks he’s gotten away with it all, as he looks around at all of you one last time. 

“You all have a goodnight,” he smirks, before taking his drink and slithering away. 

You could care less where to. You’re just glad he’s gone. 

You watch as he goes before checking in with Sydney, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, shaking her head. Marcus is by her side in an instant and you can see Carmy’s jaw twitching with anger. “Can’t believe you used to work with that guy. Fuck that guy.”

“Yeah, fuck that guy,” Richie agrees under his breath. 

“C’mon. Let’s just…” Marcus encourages quietly, nodding to your table. 

Richie, Marcus, and Sydney all make their way back to your group as you stay with Carmy. His face is red and you can see it on his face that he’s still processing what just happened – what Nate said. You can see the gears turning in his head, and he’s staring at the floor, his face still cherry tomato-red.

“Carmy,” you say, ripping him from his thoughts. 

He looks up at you, his face softening the minute you make eye contact. 

“Can we go somewhere? Talk?” he asks, trying not to look like he’s going to burn the fuckin’ place down. 

You agree with a nod, taking his hand and leading him elsewhere. 

The further away from the reception you go, the quieter the party gets, and the louder your thoughts get. Would he be mad? You were furious with Nate for trying to use what happened to get under Carmy’s skin, but you also wonder if he’s mad at you too. For sleeping with Nate? For not telling him? But was it something you were supposed to tell him? It’s not like you expected him to tell you about every person he’d ever slept with. 

Carmy finally stops, leading you into a quieter room, far away from the party. As you flick the lights on, it looks like a single dressing room for the plays performed here. The silence between the two of you is deafening, and it’s not just because it’s the first quiet moment you’ve had together since you arrived. 

“I’m not mad… about Nate… about what he said,” Carmy says, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

He’s trying his best to sound convincing, reassuring even, but he’s sure he’s doing a shit job. 

You’re surprised, so you just take him in, searching his face for any clue that he’s telling that truth. His face is red, and you can see a tightness running across his chest as he’s looking for the courage to ask:

“But why didn’t you tell me?” 

You sigh, unsure of what to say. 

“Because…” you begin, hoping that if you just start talking, you’ll find the right words to explain. “I-, I didn’t think I had to. It happened once and it was a stupid mistake with… a lot of tequila involved.”

“You had just left New York and I was lonely. I didn’t say anything because… it didn’t mean anything to me, Bear.”

He listens, taking your explanation in, his eyes fixed on the floor again. He’s not mad at you, but he can’t seem to shake this feeling of anger – this tension that has him wanting to punch a hole through the wall. 

“I don’t like what he fuckin’ said to you,” he finally blurts out. 

“That- that he thinks he can just say whatever the fuck he wants. That he forced himself on Syd like that, like he can-.”

Carmy looks down at the floor again, his words trailing off. 

He’s pissed. 

You can tell he’s pissed. 

But you have a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that says something else is going on. 

Is Carmy… jealous?

“Carmy, I’m sorry you had to find out like this,” you apologize softly. “He shouldn’t have-, I mean he really is the worst fucking person to ever walk-.”

“I’m not upset about-,” he interrupts, firmly. He holds your gaze, trying to give you the most reassuring look he can. “I don’t care about-. I just… I don’t like the way he talked to you.”

You wait as he stews on his thoughts, his anger simmering as he sorts through his feelings. It’s like watching a hot pot of water come to a boil. 

“I didn’t like seeing him touch you earlier like-.”

Let it rip.

“Like he can just put his hands on anyone he-. On you! I–.”

And then finally he explodes with, “I just fuckin’ hate that guy!”

It’s as if the pressure valve has been released as he lets out a big puff of air. While you can see it’s given him some relief, you’re still not sure what you’re supposed to offer at this moment. 

“Carmy, what can I- hmmph?” you begin to ask, before being cut off by his lips on yours. 

Well this isn’t what you were expecting.

Your head is spinning as your boyfriend kisses you with such passion, fervor, and urgency. He’s crashing his lips against yours at a desperate pace, and it’s all tongues and teeth and his hands are grabbing the back of your head, tangling into your hair. You’re not sure how you’ve gone from trying your best to hold space for your boyfriend’s feelings, to him pressing you up against the dressing room counter.

You gasp as he hoists you up onto the counter, pushing his body into yours. 

“Carmy, are you-?” you ask, feeling the tent that’s already formed in his pants as you wrap your legs around him. 

There’s a confident assertiveness he moves with, and as much as you hate to admit it, this is all turning you on.

“Hate that fuckin’ guy,” Carmy murmurs into your skin, as he begins to leave kisses down your jawline. 

His mouth moves urgently down your neck, to your shoulders, to the exposed skin the plunging neckline of your dress reveals. His teeth leave light pink and purple marks in their wake, and you’re gasping, moaning, grabbing at any part of him you can hold on to. Little love bites begin to appear, but when he’s making you feel this good, you could care less. 

He’s confident in the way he sucks little marks into your skin, biting down then immediately soothing the pain with his tongue. As he works his mouth over you, he looks up at you, his eyes wide, pupils blown out in pure desire, and it takes your fucking breath away. 

Pain and pleasure.

Just to show the whole world that you’re his. 

 “Thinks he can fuckin’ look at you. Put his fuckin’ hands on you,” he mumbles against your skin. His mouth has reached the lowest point of your plunging neckline as he stands up, pushing himself against you between your legs. 

“Baby,” you breathe out. You make a mental note to unpack why his sudden possessiveness has you so hot and bothered with your therapist next week. 

“I really, really don’t want to talk about him right now.”

Carmy drops to his knees, stripping off his suit jacket and throwing it elsewhere. The sight has you absolutely drenched and you think you may cum just from looking at him. 

“You’re mine,” is all he says, eliciting another moan from you as he sinks his teeth into the soft supple skin of your calf. You slide a heel-covered foot over his shoulder, as his lips begin trail up your calf, to your knee, to your inner thighs…

“Yes. I’m yours,” you breathe out, exasperated by Carmy’s sudden forwardness. You lean back, your head hitting the mirror with a thud. “All yours.”

He works his way up your thighs, leaving soft kisses on your inner thighs while his hands disappear underneath the skirt of your dress, frantically searching for your panties. 

“Carmy, I don’t know if we have time for-,” you gasp, as he pulls away for a moment. 

His curls are unruly from running your fingers through them, his lips swollen from the passionate makeout you started only moments ago. You feel his fingers hook underneath the top of your panties and he looks at you like he can see right through you. Holding your gaze, it’s impossible to not get lost into his ocean blue eyes you’ve fallen so deeply in love with. He takes his sweet time, teasing you, refusing to break eye contact, as he pulls your panties down your legs at an unbearable slow pace. 

You don’t look away. 

You don’t dare look away. 

Finally, finally, he breaks eye contact, sliding your panties over your feet, and putting them into his pocket as you brace yourself for what comes next. 

“We should-,” you start, your words ceasing instantly as he spreads your legs, licking a stripe up your dripping wet core. You cry out loudly, panicking almost instantly, because you don’t remember locking the damn door. 

We should stop. 

Do this elsewhere. 

Lock the door. 

Keep quiet. 

But you can’t seem to get the words out, as you let out another loud moan, and Carmy doesn’t have the heart to stop you. Something primal inside of him wants nothing more than for the whole party mere hallways away to hear you crying out his name. 

“Fuck, baby,” he murmurs, dragging his tongue through your folds. “Already so wet for me and I’ve barely even put my mouth on you.”

He wonders if there’s an award for this. 

Lifetime Loser Award.

2023’s Most Jealous Boyfriend

Chef Most Likely to Fuck His Girlfriend During the James Beard Reception Because He’s a Sad, Jealous Fuck.

“Carmy, please,” you beg, scooting your hips off the counter and pulling him up from the ground. Your demand rips him from his own self deprecating thoughts. 

“I need you inside of me. Now.” 

You need him.

“Turn around,” is all he says. 

He’s not sure where he gets the confidence for such a demand and it has you clenching around nothing. 

You’re more than happy to oblige as you whisper out a ‘yes,’ and turn yourself around to face the mirror. You can hear the sound of him unzipping his pants, then he’s hiking up the skirt of your dress once more. He puts his hands on your hips to steady you – maybe even to steady himself – and you can feel the head of his cock running through your folds. 

Just when you think you may die if you don’t get what you want, you let out the loudest cry you think has ever come out of your mouth as he pushes inside of you. You gasp, your fingers gripping the edge of the counter as you feel him shudder against your back. Your head hangs low, just focusing on memorizing how every single inch of him feels inside of you.

Carmy’s thrusts are slow at first, deep and deliberate thrusts burying himself all the way to the hilt. The sight of his cock disappearing inside of you is really testing his patience here as he thinks he may go insane. 

Back out. 

Then back in. 

“You’re so fuckin’ wet. So fuckin’ perfect for me. God, I love being inside of you,” he groans, enjoying his last few slow and deep thrusts. 

He’s got one hand on your hips and the other, wrapped around your waist. As he begins to speed up the pace of his thrusts, the hand around your waist goes to the counter too, to brace himself. 

“Carmen,” you moan his name, as he starts to go faster. “Yes. Perfect for you. Only you.”

Only you. 

Your words cause him to smirk, and the sounds you’re making only encourage him to keep fucking into you like he means it. 

“Look at yourself, baby,” he says, his words causing you to squeeze around him. He groans, his eyes rolling back, before he returns his gaze to the mirror. 

When you lock eyes, it’s like you’ve been set on fire. Your skin feels hot, and the prolonged eye contact has you squeezing around him as you start to grind against him. You feel lightheaded, breathless, purely at his mercy. 

Carmy holds your gaze through the mirror and you want to commit this photo to memory. You watch your reflections in the mirror, seeing your face change as he speeds up again. His hands are everywhere: in your hair, grabbing you breasts, tracing over the little marks he’s left all over your chest.

 “This how I make you feel? Tell me. Tell me how good I make you feel,” he asks, and you think this is the most vocal he’s been during sex.

“So good, Car,” you’re panting. He grabs a handful of your hair, guiding your head to the side so that he can kiss you. You manage to continue your praise in between wet, sloppy, and desperate kisses, and desperate thrusts between the both of you.

“So fuckin’ good. So high. Like I’ll never come back down.”

He’s satisfied with your answer, feeling more and more confident with each thrust. You can tell he likes it, so you decided, why the hell not?

“You feel incredible inside of me, baby,” you continue, wanting nothing more than to appease him. 

He’s swallowing your moans in his mouth, as he continues to fuck you, your pushing your ass back against him, your hands bracing against the mirror. You see stars as he hits that spot inside of you – the one that makes you let out a sob – and he’s bending you over the counter so that he can find that spot again and again. Carmy presses his forehead against your shoulder as his hands move underneath your skirt once again, rubbing fierce circles around your clit, trying to take you there with him. He knows he won’t last long when you’re moaning his name like that. He looks up for a moment, enjoying the reflection in the mirror a little too much, before sinking his teeth into your shoulder, feeling himself get closer… closer…

You can feel he’s close too, so you say something, something you know will bring him over the edge. 

“Want you to cum inside of me.”

“That what you want? Want me to fill you up? Have me dripping down your legs when any other fucko tries to talk to you tonight. Tries to even fuckin’ look at you…” he asks, his breath ragged and sentences becoming increasingly choppy. 

He's leaving little kisses and bite marks all over your upper back as he continues to fuck you.

“Yes,” you pant, moaning his full name once again. 

“Fffffffuck, baby. That’s so hot,” he stutters, his thrusts becoming more erratic. He grabs a handful of your ass, chasing his high with you. 

You’re squeezing your eyes shut so hard you see stars when he finds that spot again, and you remember that he wanted you to watch. You blink open your eyes, breathless as you take in the image of your boyfriend fucking you from behind. He’s got his forehead resting on your shoulder. You feel the delicious contradiction of pain and pleasure once again, as he sinks his teeth into the soft skin of your shoulder, in the same place from before.

So close. And you're already so tender.

“Carmen. Yes. Right there. Please, baby. Fuck. Don’t stop,” you’re crying out as you as your walls clamp down around him. It’s like an explosion erupts inside of you and you feel that you perhaps are on another fuckin’ plane of existence from the way he makes you feel. 

Your eyes close again as he fucks you through your orgasm, taking you higher and higher. The way your walls are squeezing around him have him on edge and he gives you one, two, and then a third thrust before painting your walls with his release too.

He stops, resting his head on your back again, still buried all the way inside of you.

Both of your heavy pants fill the room, before you interrupt the status quo with a laugh. 

“Holy shit, babe,” you finally say, exasperated and completely fucked out.

He pulls out of you, and you have to put a hand down on the counter he just bent you over, for balance as you stand up straight. You can hear Carmen pulling his pants back up and you’re adjusting your dress as you turn to look at him. His eyes are fixed on the button of his trouser pants, as you grab his face for another long, lust-filled kiss. 

“What do you say… to getting out of here? Maybe continuing this at home?” you propose, your voice hoarse from what you’ve just done. Your forehead is still pressed to his and you want nothing more for him to say ‘yes.’ 

“Fuck yes. Please,” he practically groans, wondering how it’s possible for him to be hard again already. 

“I’ll order a car,” you agree, reaching for where you left your phone on the dressing room counter. 

“Surge rates, babe” he sighs, the disappointment evident in his voice as he issues the little reminder.

You shoot him a look that says ‘you’ve got to be fucking kidding me?’

“I will pay all the surge rates in the world, if I get to have you again, as soon as possible,” you state, and he’s not sure he’s going to be able to wait till you get home.

You glance back down to your phone, your fingers moving quickly through the right buttons to get a car on the way. As soon as you see the confirmation, your swiping out of the app, and over to an unread message:

Sydney: So that was weird. Where did you guys go?

You: Out for some air. Sorry, we’ll be right back in. 

Sydney: Angel wants pizza and a few of us are gonna go. Wanna come with?

You: Think we’re gonna head home. Breakfast tomorrow? My treat. 

Sydney: 100%

You: Congratulations again, friend. Love you. 

“What’s going on?” Carmy asks, as he sees you fiercely texting away. 

“Nothin’,” you answer, seeing the Uber notification popping up on your phone. “Just telling everyone we’re gonna head home.”

You turn your back to the mirror to examine the damage, immediately spotting Carmy’s bite mark on your shoulder. 

“Carmen,” you sigh, fingertips running over the huge bite mark on your shoulder – the one he left when he made while cumming inside of you.

Carmy takes a look, a small smirk on his lips as he sees what you’re referring to. He has to admit that he’s almost… proud of himself as he leans over, leaving a soft kiss against one of the rapidly forming purple bite marks left on the back of your shoulder. 

As much as he’d like to show the entire culinary world that you’re his, he removes the suit jacket he just put back on, and hands it to you. 

“Here. You can wear this.”

You giggle, taking it and appreciating Carmen’s act of chivalry. 

“As much as I’d love to do a walk of shame through a room full of the world’s best chefs… think I’ll keep this one between me and the one that just fucked me,” you joke playfully, as you kiss him as a ‘thank you.’

You check your reflection in the mirror as you drape the coat strategically over your shoulders, making sure you both look somewhat presentable enough to flee the scene with dignity. 

“Carm?” you ask. 

“Before we leave. I just-, I want you to-,” you stammer, uncertain if you’re doing the right thing by telling him. You’d hate to play into Nate’s little game – even if you both won after what just happened. 

“Hmm?”

“Just… you know… for the sake of factual accuracy and not that we’re playing Nate’s game at all but... you and I hooked up first. Nate just doesn’t know that.”

He nods in response, trying not to make it seem like a big deal. 

But it certainly makes him feel better.

“Well, if we’re being factually accurate…” he offers up in response. “I know you always thought our whole rivalry thing was one sided… but it wasn’t.”

“No?”

“Rode that guy as hard as I could, every chance I got,” he confesses, in reference to your old, very toxic work environment. 

“Because he deserved it?” 

“Because I hated how much he flirted with you.”

You shake your head with a small smile. Your phone is buzzing in your hand, letting you know that your Uber has arrived. 

“Let’s get the fuck out of here, Bear.”

[hallowpen]

There was a lot of destructive criticism surrounding My Marvellous Dream is You, but I actually thought the series was quite good despite its shortcomings. I'm a lot more forgiving than most when it comes to Thai GL series, and that will have absolutely affected my viewing experience. But... every time I would see a comment that just read "This is boring/terrible/stupid" without ever elaborating, I felt very much like Khun Pu's character from Be My Favorite hehe

*WARNING*: There will be minor spoilers for the final episode of My Marvellous Dream is You, should that be something you wish to avoid.

I will be the first to admit, that I was very skeptical about this series in the first handful of episodes. So let's just get my personal negatives out of the way first... I think, by now, it's no secret that I do not support where a lot of Thai GL adaptations source from. So, this series already had an admittedly disadvantaged subjective expectation from the get go. It wasn't really surprising to see pacing issues within the first 5ish episodes, that seems to be a common occurrence in Thai GLs produced by IDOLfactory. Whether that is a result of the novels the series have thus far been adapted from OR from a choice in direction is up to you. I, personally, think it's a bit of both. Where I believe certain productions struggle in letting their narratives breathe, I find the complete opposite problem to be true with IDOLfactory. There were a lot of plot points that needed restructuring or to be removed entirely in order to have a stronger cohesive story that focused on the main characters' relationship more so than it did.

Now, while I stand behind my opinion that the series could have benefited from tighter and better organized storytelling, a lot of the groundwork was there to make a decent character driven narrative. And that's what I've chosen to focus on. Wan and Kim are both deeply flawed characters. There were so many inferences to be drawn from character relevant visuals and their joint backstory that truly informed their current dynamic.

The👏🏾character👏🏾focused👏🏾visuals👏🏾in👏🏾this👏🏾show!!!

One of the most interesting parts of watching a series, for me, is having to pick up on certain character cues in order to understand and delve deeper into the core of their behaviors.

Wan and Kim share a trauma, and it's easy to see how they both became so dependent on one another to fill the void their fathers left.

In flashbacks, Wan is presented as egoistic and headstrong since high school. She is also shown to be extremely protective of Kim before she even realizes her feelings. Kim, on the other hand, is a bit more sensitive. She cherishes Wan's attention and affection to a point where she would be willing to play a little dirty in order to keep it for herself.

All of these emotions become heightened once they are forced into adult life with adult problems. Wan is struggling with her mental health. While trying to balance fame and the repercussions her actions might have on her career, Wan must also deal with her mother's alcoholism... which has essentially caused her to check out from Wan's life. Her need to have Kim by her side, and never leave her, has become less protective and more possessive. Kim's desire for approval and affection has led to an over devotion of herself to Wan and constant worrying about disappointing her mother. She's neglected her own wants and needs for so long, that she's afraid putting herself first would be considered too selfish...too much like her dad. Her mother's cancer diagnosis further pushes Kim to continue to place her mother's wishes over her own desires. Even though comments about Wan and Kim being 'annoying' or 'frustrating' were aiming to be negative... they weren't exactly wrong. The audience was supposed to feel that way. Heck, even the surrounding characters called out their behavior on more than one occasion. Because in an effort to not lose one another, Kim and Wan fell into a cyclically unhealthy dynamic where their actions and reactions were actually pushing each other away. Their inability to communicate their true feelings to each other beyond their (unbeknownst) shared dreams prevented them from making any true progress toward a romantic relationship that they both so desperately wanted, but were each terribly afraid to pursue. Their feelings for each other were put up against the reality that their love being unreciprocated could spell the end of their relationship altogether. There was an added pressure of being unfairly compared to their fathers, where any romance between them might be found 'unacceptable'. Couple that with societal views of same-sex relationships, and you can understand why these two were so hesitant to reveal their truths.

(Quick sidenote: I did not agree with the idea that what Kim and Wan did was exactly the same to what their fathers did. They did not leave and abandon their families. Marwin didn't make it easy for them, and given the glimpse we saw into his family's cruelty, it made all the sense in the world to have him react in the way he did. Kim and Wan were at least willing to stay and face the hard consequences of their choice, no matter the outcome.)

I think them having to work through all of their issues made the moment of Kim and Wan finally deciding to be together that much more satisfying... And that was the point Kru A was trying to make when he explained his direction for their relationship on social media after hearing viewer feedback (He was subsequently rudely criticized by interfans for that decision, to the point where he alluded to the fact that he might take a break from directing... but that's a whole other discussion).

That final scene of them being married purposely not clarifying whether it was in a dream or in reality alluded to the fact that their shared dream world and their real life were no longer at odds, finally. I thought it was very fitting.

The frustration caused by KimWan's lack of communication reminded me of a similar dynamic between Team and Win in Between Us, a series that suffered from a lot of the same problems (not enough focus on the two leads and irrelevant plot points). However, those characters and the actors that portrayed them didn't receive even half the amount of negative reactions. They existed, trust me, but there were a lot of positive reviews to balance it out. I'm not going to get into what that means, because I think you can make the inference for yourself.

All in all, I don't think this series deserves to be completely written off. Is it perfect? No... but an effort was made, and it wouldn't hurt to make the effort in return to understand the vision. Fay and May did an incredible job for their first go around as main leads. And I hope they get the chance to develop their craft further.

[iamcalmdammit]

Nice to have a friend || [Simon "Ghost" Riley]

Note: I was so surprised that many of you wanted to read this stupid little thing. Read the notes for more after reading the whole thing.

Taglist: @untoldshortsofthefandoms @shoxji @atlantic-sugar @lujain420 @androgynoushellscape @actuallyanita

"What a coincidence, I knew a Simon Riley back when I was a kid," you noted with an adorable laugh after Price introduced the team to you.

Yes, that was me, Ghost was dying to tell you but his tongue was tied. That was the whole point of the mask, to keep his anonymity.

Seeing a familiar face from Manchester, someone he had fond memories of was a real serotonin boost for the rest of the week. You changed a lot since he had last seen you. Back in the day you used to be a pink-loving little girl who went to ballet classes after school, always the one to try and deescalate the fights between the boys.

Every time he laid his eyes on you and noted how far you'd come, his heart was filled with warmth. He was proud of you. Your sense of humor had matured over the years, but you could easily draw a smile on his face with your comments, you became strong and independent, and damn it, you were definitely easy on the eye too.

And this brought back memories, like the one from the first time he had actually talked to you after school. It was a cold, snowy day and he overheard you panicking about losing one of your gloves. He didn't want you to freeze to death on the way home so he decided to give you his gloves just in case. In return you asked him if he wanted to come over and play your brother's video games with you. From that day on, you occasionally met outside of school as well, and those were the happiest memories from his fucked up childhood.

"You seem to be really lost in your thoughts. What's up with you?" Soap asked him one day when the core team visited a bar after a mission.

Ghost let out a groan. He had noticed it before. The deep conversations you and Gaz were having more and more often, the little inside jokes no one but the two of you understood, and the lingering looks that strangely enraged him every single time. And now you were back at it again, staying within your own little bubble in the bar.

"Come on, Lt., you know you can trust me," the sergeant tried again after a minute or two. "Whatever it is, talking about it might be able to help."

He was right, but he had to be careful. "I think something's going on between those two," he said after a short while, as if he was just pointing out something quite obvious.

Soap looked over at you and Gaz. He even tilted his head to the side like a curious puppy as he tried to see what Ghost was trying to point out. "You think so? I haven't noticed anything unusual," he said.

Could it be that he was seeing more into the situation? "Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know." And with that, he dismissed the idea. It was nothing more but his surprisingly vivid imagination playing games with him. That was all.

Or was it?

Fuck.

When he was alone in bed, he always thought about you. It was strange, he wasn't the type to get fixated on women this much. But you… You were an exception. Every inch of his body was craving you, a primal need infesting his brain every time he thought of you. This led to times when his hand found its way under his jeans to end his suffering for the time being.

When he was away from you and didn't see more into certain situations, he often imagined what it would be like to have you around all the time. Seeing you walk around his shitty apartment in his shirt, having breakfast together, watching a movie with you in his arms, or him exploring your body over and over again, drawing one orgasm out of you after another.

It was bad. He was caught in a spiral and had no idea how to get out of it if you couldn't be his. Each passing day made it worse, he got lost in a fantasy world and was terrified to face you again. What if his instincts turned out to be right one day? What if he found out you were in a relationship with someone else, let alone with someone he knew very well?

And then the worst happened.

"I owe you a drink," Soap told him out of nowhere during their next mission. Ghost had absolutely no idea what he was talking about so he put down the weapon he had in his hand until then and gave him an expectant look. "You were right about Y/N and Gaz, those two are definitely together. I just caught a glimpse of Gaz having his tongue down her throat behind the building," he explained with a laugh.

But he couldn't laugh, not when every cell in his body wanted to scream. He had kept his distance so well in the past months that you barely talked to each other. This was a big mistake, he could see that now. Maybe if you knew the truth, if you knew he was that boy from your childhood, things would be different. You could be friends again, and once you were relaxed enough around him, he could try to see if you wanted more than that.

He couldn't even look you in the eye after Soap's announcement. If you asked him anything, he kept the number of his words to the bare minimum, and this didn't go unnoticed by you. "Do you have a problem with me?" you once asked him when you were left alone following a briefing.

How could you sound so sweet and innocent? How could he lie to you when you were looking at him like that? But he had to do it, he couldn't tell you that he was jealous. That he, despite being friends with Gaz, thought you made the wrong choice this time.

"No, I don't," he replied then walked away without another word.

Two days later Price stopped in front of him and watched him with a questioning look. He waited, hoping the Captain would get bored of this silent game and just tell him what he wanted. In the end he took a deep breath and asked, "Are you okay?"

Strange. "I am. Why?"

"Listen, Simon, I know the history of every member of this team. I know you and Y/N went to the same school at the same time back in the day. Did you know her back then?" he asked seriously, although Ghost could see the hint of a smile on his lips.

Was he about to scold him or praise him? He wasn't entirely sure. "I did. Why?"

"You've been different lately, especially when she's around. I'm not saying you've been making mistakes because it wouldn't be true, but maybe you should consider telling her the truth. There's tension between you and I'm not sure that's good for the team in the long run."

And Price was right. If he kept himself isolated for much longer, if he kept letting his fantasies take over his unwind-time, then he would soon be in serious trouble on the field. And not just him, but everyone else he worked with. Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

But despite the initial drive to do as Price advised, it actually took him a month to finally man up and talk to you. Even then he hesitated, wondering exactly how and when to approach you, preferably without any other member of the team around. Then the opportunity arrived near the end of the mission when he found you alone in a room.

"Can we talk?" he asked you after he knocked on the doorframe. You looked surprised at first. It was understandable, after all you had talked around a total of fifteen minutes in the past months. Ghost gulped loudly and closed the door after you nodded. "I'll make it quick. There's something I need to tell you."

He stopped and you waited. "Okay?"

Breathe in. Breathe out. It wasn't that hard. "When I was a kid, there was a girl in school," he began. "One day she lost her gloves and I gave her mine so her hands wouldn't freeze off in the middle of the winter cold. I think that's when we became friends."

Your eyes narrowed. Your breath caught in your throat. At that moment, you knew the truth. "Simon?" you whispered his name quietly.

He nodded in response, a delicate smile creeping on his lips under the mask as he watched you. A part of him hoped you would be excited, that you would wrap your arms around him to pull him into a tight hug. But his imagination failed him, your reaction was quite the opposite. You buried a hand on your hair and turned your back to him as you tried to process the news.

Then, after what felt like an eternity to Ghost, you finally turned back to him. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Your voice was fused with anger and he honestly couldn't blame you. "I prefer anonymity these days," he replied, pointing at his skull mask.

"Why now?"

Because I can't stop thinking about you and it's getting awkward and also affects my performance in the team. Fuck. He couldn't tell you that. "Price gave me a pep talk. He thinks it would be better for the both of us if I was honest with you." Well, this was true. He did say that.

"Great. Now I know. Is there anything else?" you asked, your voice unusually cold.

There was nothing left to say. He could've asked you about Gaz, whether you were truly in love with him or only had fun during missions, but he kept his mouth shut. You were mad. He didn't want to make things even worse. So he walked away and decided to focus on the rest of this mission instead.

You avoided him from this point on. While until now it had been him who did that, now the tables turned and you were the one who didn't want to talk to him unless it was absolutely necessary. Months passed like that and he was beginning to worry that things would never be okay with you.

Then things slowly began to change. You began to ask him how he was, sometimes asked for his opinion, and generally acted nicer around him. At first he thought it was just his raging imagination playing games again, but no. You were really warming up to him.

"Wanna go out for a drink?" you asked him one day.

Ghost wanted to say yes, but it wasn't the right time for that. "We're working."

You nonchalantly waved your hand at him. "Nah, I checked with the Cap, he's okay with it if we don't stay long and don't get too drunk," you explained with a playful grin. "So, what do you say?"

Nodding, he followed you out to the car that parked in front of the temporary base. Friends. You had to be friends again first. But it was a start, he could definitely work with that.

[icyowl]

Idk if your taking request if not discard! lol but uh >< could we get some Vash & Wolfwood A/O/B head canons? What do you think their second genders would be? and how would they be w reader?

A/B/O Headcanons (Vash, Wolfwood)

Pairings: Wolfwood x reader, Vash x reader

A/N/: always up for ABO. Always.

As my bio says, I'm not open for requests per se, but if an ask strikes my fancy, I might get inspired!

---- ---- ---- ---- ----

WOLFWOOD

An alpha through and THROUGH

very growly. It's deep and slow and rumbly and he loves using it on others or using it on you and catching you off guard. He smells the effect it has on you through your scent glands and his eyes key in on the tiny shaking it puts in your knees. You alright there, ankle biter? Lookin' a little unsteady he says with a wicked grin. Even the cigarette bounces with mirth.

Whatever class Wolfwood was going to be, the experiments done by the Dr. turned him into an alpha. It's done on purpose because alphas are more goal-oriented and driven, and because its pretty easy to keep them in line with a steady dose of hard-core suppressants. Getting Wolfwood to detox from them was definitely an exercise in building trust. The ensuing rut you had to help him through was. . . intense, to say the least.

Puts out his cigarettes when you're around. Just because he can cancel out the ill-effects by drinking his vials doesn't mean he has to subject you to it.

Say his first name nice and softly with some of those omega hormones pushing out into the room and watch his whole shoulder line gradually slump until he's putting his head on your shoulder and licking the oils from your scent glands.

Look, its fact that at some point he will use himself as a human shield to keep you safe because, again, he's got those vials to help him recover. The first time he got, for all intents and purposes, murdered in front of your eyes was a horrifying experience. Even after he'd made a full recovery (another mildly disturbing moment when he seemingly came back from the dead just as quickly as he joined it), you'd lost many nights worth of sleep. When he found out, you had a long discussion about his ready-fire-aim tendencies.

It came as no surprise you began to have nightmares. Try as he might, he wasn't good at consoling you at first. It took time for Wolfwood to realize slapping you on the back like some bro and telling you the vials taste like candy wasn't the way to make you feel better.

Has gotten your group thrown out of a number of establishments after holding a man at gunpoint for so much as flirting with you. Very clearly used the moment as an excuse to show off in front of you.

Definitely gives you the talk about worrying about yourself before others or before you make stupid choices that might put you in harms way. Gets you a gun of some kind, something manageable, and maybe it won't obliterate some of the things that are coming after you but it'll give you a chance to get away or at least buy time until he can get there.

“Whatever Blondie does, you do the opposite, you hear me?”

Also chew you out if/when you put yourself in danger. Doesn't matter why. He'll get in your face and yell and interrupt you at every turn. “I don't care that you were saving some kid! Drop kick him out a window for all I care! The next time you do something like that, I'll kill you myself!”

Loves showing off your relationship in front of others. Favorite thing to do is, whenever you go to sit by him in a public place, his arm snakes around you (whether its your arm or waist or a part of your clothing) and simply yanks you to his lap.

This man. This man would not touch a healthy relationship with a ten-foot pole. Like, we can agree his most stable relationship is with his gun, right? So totally expect him to be a little lost when it comes to taking care of you emotionally. It never occurred to him how many days had passed without him scenting you; just figured you were dealing with something or had a change in hormones when you began to smell sour.

On your end, you're freaking out. There has to be a reason why he's not doing it. Is he over you? Do you smell bad? Is something going on in his life you don't know about? Is there someone else? How do you bring it up without sounding accusatory? Should you just drop it?

When you finally lean in and just go for it, fisting his shirt and burrying your nose under his chin, nestled right up against his pulse, and purr, he does nothing for several seconds. Meanwhile your heart is skittering wildly. What you don't realize is you've positively short-circuited this poor man. Could his heart always beat like this? So fast, so erratically? A low rumble escapes him and encases you in an embrace.

He realizes this is the first time he's ever purred.

VASH

could legit be any class. I'm sure most of y'all see him as an omega, but for funsies I'll make him an alpha for a change!

Like, come on, you can't tell me those canines from the last episode scream anything else but alpha. Plus, we all know how determined he can get. Just imagine that you're the one he can't turn his instincts away from, you're the one that makes him feel the most like a regular person, you're the one that elicits such a visceral reaction from him.

Three words: PRO TEC TIVE. If you got with him hoping to break him of his savior mentality, you've gotten with the wrong person. His habits include but are not limited to: keeping watch every time you sleep (even at the risk of his own lethargy), repositioning you to where he perceives to be the safest spot (picking dining tables closest to an exit, putting himself between you and strangers, ensuring an unobstructed path to you and his gun, etc.), scenting your clothes every morning before you wake to keep other alphas from bothering you, smiling in such a way that he shows off his canines to anyone that bothers you, and coming up with lame excuses to get you away from anyone that bothers him. Vash is mostly polite about it, but you know what't up. Nuzzle into him and watch him melt into you and purr gently.

Yo his glyphs pulse when his alpha instincts come to the surface. Defending you from another alpha? Needing to scent you to feel calm? You got him riled up? All those will do it and its sometimes been a close call to hide it from strangers. You love it when it happens in the dark of a room and he literally lights up the space.

Seeing you in his jacket sends a shiver up his spine and makes his pupils expand considerably. He's soooo attentive to you. The slightest change in your scent due to your emotions — whether they be fear or jealousy or loneliness — and he's on you, nuzzling into your scent glands to try and calm you and offering to get you someplace private for a scenting session. Don't be surprised if he completely ignores your protests and excuses the two of you from the rest of the group.

One time he was so caught up in the moment of battle, so fearful when he saw a gun aiming for your chest, that his cybernetic hand grabbed for your arm and yanked you aside. It almost hurt him as much as if you'd been shot when he realized his fingers left dark bruises on your skin, and he'd carelessly flung you into a bookshelf where you'd knocked the back of your head against the corner, causing wet blood to rush into your hair and face.

He refused to touch you for days after that. Thankfully, in the dead of night, long after everyone else had gone to bed, you found him leaning bodily against the wall at the end of the hallway, resisting his hormone-fueled delirium on sheer willpower alone, and were able to convince him to give in to the bond. Oh how he wanted to scent you and be scented, how his oil glands wetted themselves feebly, desperate to touch your scent glands. You had enough when he tried to escape you again; one gentle press to the gland on his wrist and he finally gave in — pupils expanded, eyes glossed over, canines descended. Vash pinned you against the wall, chuffing and nuzzling while you tried to keep your head on straight. His pheromones were positively overwhelming.

Vash reverently touched the bandage on your head and the bruises on your arm, apologizing with whines and whimpers. The poor man could hardly speak with the hormones buzzing through him, but he tried to convey the pain he felt at hurting you, even unintentionally. You soothed the guilt with gentle words and a steady stroke to the gland on his neck.

Because of his biology, he has a very unique scent. It's clean and fresh and everyone takes notice. You've had to fight off a few omegas during your time together. My man's totally clueless.

Like, he can smell you're frustrated, but why? Those ladies were just helping him get directions to the next town? Oh, they were holding his arm as they pointed to the horizon? He never noticed. They were just being nice. Why were you glaring at them? Whatever the reason, he can tell you need his pheromones and floods the space with them accordingly.

Sooooo hesitant when it comes to marking you, or really even allowing his mouth anywhere near your supple skin. He doesn't trust himself not to lose control or get carried away. Vash knows what being bound to him would mean; the danger, the running. To him, it's no different than painting a bullseye on you. It takes time, and a lot of trust and coaxing, but eventually he gives in to the trance tugging at his brain. Eventually, he gives himself over to it. His nibbling teeth and laving tongue don't leave your skin for some time.

[merbear25]

A Close Encounter

Synopsis: Crocodile with gn!reader. An old flame starts rekindling as you duke it out with your former lover.

CW: toxic relationship, forceful kissing, mentions of killing reader, choking, gropping (but no specific anatomy is mentioned), established past hook-ups.

A/n: In no way do I support this type of relationship in real life. I just had this in my noggin the past few days and oh boy, let me tall ya'. I just think he's neat is all!

__________

You'd had less than favorable run-ins with Crocodile in the past. You found everything about the man detestible. He brought out a side of you that you didn't even know exisited by turning a typically easy-going and caring person into one who was consumed by loathing and dread.

That familiar deep chuckle of his reached your ears, causing your body to tense and your fists to clench around your weapon. Despite being eager to lash out at him, you do your best to maintain your composure and observe this behemoth.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise?" grinning at you, his hands gestured upwards as if luring you in for a hug. He takes a few steps towards you trying to close the short distance. A couple of beads of sweat run down your temple and your eyes narrow.

"As if it's ever a pleasure to see you." Your snarky remark causes his faint grin to twist into a sadistic smile.

"Guess somethings never change," and with that he lunged at you quickly closing the gap. You swung your axe predicting that he was going to take a swing at you, however, he pivoted and you'd let yourself open to an attack. He gladly took that opportunity to kick you in your diaphram, sending you hurling against a wall.

The wind was knocked out of you and you stumbled a bit to catch yourself from collapsing. Before you had the chance to get away from the wall, Crocodile was already on top of you. A flash of gold caught your eye, which you instinctively motioned your head back to avoid. Unfortunately, you misjudged just how close you were to the wall and you'd unknowingly offered yourself up to him on a silver platter.

The tip of his hook, just grazing your neck, was plunged into the stone, leaving you in a choke hold. You tore at his arm as you struggled to break free, but the sight of seeing you start to panic, along with the fury burning in your eyes was simply too tempting. He put a tad more pressure on your throat, which caused a gasp to seep past your lips.

Getting closer to your face, his smile turned into a grimace. "I should've killed you by now," he sighed at his own slipup.

On reflex, you spit in his face, ignoring the fact that his hook was still firmly pinning you to the stone behind you.

Without batting an eye, he took his cigar and put it out against the exposed skin on your left hip.

Instead of yelping out in pain and anguish, it fueled the flames within you. You wanted now more than ever to slug him in his smug face.

Inching closer, he confesses, "Every fiber in my being wants to see you die at my own hands," his eyes narrowed and his head shook slightly, "yet, I find you so alluring."

He must have taken the bewilderment in your expression as an invitation. He roughly pressed his lips into yours, with each kiss deepening. Each one sending you into a tizzy, and as the fire within you continued to burn, it now showed itself as the flush on your cheeks.

You hesitantly open your mouth. Even though the slightest part was between your lips, he took full advantage of your body's response to him. Shoving his tongue past the delicate entrance, you let out a soft squeal of surprise. A low moan of his found its way into you, shaking you to your core.

His hand forced your legs apart and began caressing your crotch. You couldn't help it when a soft moan left you and you grabbed his right arm to brace yourself for the extremities which were about to unfold.

Taking a moment to admire the state of his ill-fated lover unraveling before him, a smile reappeared on his face and he began with, "I told you," licking the side of your neck and leaving a wet kiss on your temple, "somethings never change."

[ahamkara-apologist]

Okay I kinda get being dissapointed at how they rushed the Sov sibling reconcilliation with just one conversation after drawing it out for months but y'all...this really isn't the end-all-be-all of Crow's character arc, nor is it necessarily out of line for him. His biggest weakness is that he's a bleeding heart who lets people walk all over him- remember how he decided not to get revenge on Spider despite Spider very literally keeping him as a slave? Or how he killed a psion because he was too empathetic to a hive guardian? As much as I love him, and as much as his love is a terrifying force when weilded correctly, he's soft and weak. He always has been. He was bound to forgive Mara eventually, esp. since they have a psychic twin bond going on.

I think y'all are also forgetting the fact that Mara has had quite a bit of character development over the past year or so and has very notably been more open about her emotions and better about keeping herself out of Crow's life- because she got bitchslapped by the reality of what she'd done to him in Season of the Lost and then got shaken to the core by her confrontation with the Witness in Witch Queen. She hasn't been 'defanged', she realized that the way she was acting qualified her to be a Disciple (aka the worst of the worst, the enemy she'd been hellbent on fighting this whole time) and that in tandem with Crow's rejection upset her deeply enough for her to change her behavior, which hasn't been as apparent until now. Idk how y'all can forgive how Uldren Sov slaughtered hundreds of Awoken citizens and wreaked havoc on the Reef but is changed as Crow without also acknowledging the fact that Mara herself changed as well. It's not as dramatic of a difference because it happened more gradually and without intervention from a Taken Ahamkara and the Traveller, but its still there and is the most apparent its ever been right now. It wouldn't surprise me if the reason why Crow is forgiving her now- apart from the fact that he's a softie and discounting potential Riven bullshit- is because she's proven she's changed by both keeping her distance and being more emotionally open with him, as well as open about how she knows she fucked up. That's the second thing Uldren wanted other than her approval, after all.

Also, it's been like, 2 years of Crow being pissed at Mara and avoiding her, so them starting to make up now is kinda necessary even if it feels a bit rushed. I personally would have loved to see more snark and nettling from Crow's end, bc I love conflict and sibling angst, but it really isn't out of character nor is it throwing away Crow's character arc. It would have if Mara hadn't changed, but she has. And while I myself love storylines where victims don't need to forgive their abusers and can exert their wrath upon them as they wish, the fact of the matter is that how such a situation needs to be dealt with varies immensely on a person-to-person basis, which the writing team has already proven they're capable of understanding. Just look at Calus's and Caiatl's relationship! That ended with no reconcilliation because Calus simply refused to change, while Mara has spent the past year trying to get Crow to feel comfortable with her as an equal in conversations and open up to him more and trying to break her habit of watching him like a hawk- aka, acting like an actual sister rather than the pseudo-mother figure she'd picked up from Osanna. Ofc Crow the softie is going to respond to that, esp. since he's got a psychic connection to her via Awoken Twin Magic and seems to have been walking Uldren's memories as of late. He just genuinely is really fucking bad at holding a grudge.

(And while its easy to go 'oh the writing is lazy and rushed', I also think its kinda sus that Riven specifically talks about the human wish to reconnect with family right after the Sov sibling talk happens. It wouldn't surprise me if she picked up on Mara's desire to reconnect with her brother and pushed Crow towards forgiving her. It seems like she's been trying to pull Uldren's memories to the forefront everytime she talks with him and that could be a big factor as to why he's been reflecting on them a lot recently)

[madameminor]

In More Ways Than One, Part 10.5 - Bad Batch x F!Reader - Brothers

Summary: Commander Core has a duty to perform.

Tags: No smut this chapter, just some feels.

Warnings: Sad feelings.

Notes: Is this bridge chapter longer than it normally is? Yes. Does a bitch give a kriff? No. Eat it up, beebees.

Also - a "dear clone" message is equivalent to a 'dear john' letter. If you aren't sure what that is, ask the Google.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5 Part 4 Part 4.5 Part 5 Part 5.5 Part 6 Part 6.5 Part 7 Part 8 Part 8.5 Part 9 Part 9.5 Part 10 Part 10.5

THEN

Commander Core swirls his amaretto sour in his glass, watching the residue left in cylindrical waves slowly fall back down the sides. He mentally plays the conversation from earlier for the umpteenth time in the last 2 hours.

“Oh, Core! Its good to see you! I…I didn’t think I’d see you after my message.”

“Oh, I haven’t checked, wanted to surprise you! Didn’t want to waste any of my shore leave.”

“Oh…while I love the sentiment, that makes this part harder.”

“Baaaabe?”

“Just a second!”

“Oh, ah, I…I see.”

“I’m sorry, Core, you mean a lot to me, but… you did preface this with how you can’t be in a relationship…”

“You’re right, you’re right. I’m… happy for you.”

“Core.”

“No, its… its alright. I understand. I’ll… just be going then.”

“I’ll see you around 97’s?”

“Yeah, of course. When I’m planetside. Have a good night.”

He grunts to himself. What a weird thing to say to someone. "See you around 97s", what the hell for? He sighs, setting down his glass. Yeah, he was salty... he had really liked the guy. But... he HAD been the one to keep the distance - it just didn't make sense with a war going on. And its not like they couldn't still know each other, have a friendship without the benefits. Right?

He runs a hand down his face, trying to smooth away this painful confusion. This was all so new to him- sex and feelings, romance, love. And he didn’t have many brothers around him who understood from his perspective. Most of them were attracted to women.

Maybe it wasn’t that different? Maybe-

“Man trouble?”

Core looks up as a hand claps down on his shoulder, a brief glance at the five tattooed on the clone's right temple bringing a smile to his face.

“Like only a soldier can have.”

“A “dear clone” message, huh? I’m sorry, Commander. That’s not an easy thing to move through.”

Core saluted him with a drink and a small shrug. It was common enough to have earned a name. Didn’t make it any easier. 

Fives waves at the bartender, indicating a drink for himself and another for Core, settling into his seat as he glances around the room. Core knew what he saw. Plenty of attractive men of all species littered the bar - flirting, dancing, drinking - only one or two of them were clones. Core smirks condescendingly to himself. Even with the risk of this pain, the need for sex and companionship drove them out here. Core was more here for the companionship, for the closeness, Fives was here more for the sex. Not that he could blame the vode. The sex was good too.

Core took a heavy swig of his drink. “S0, no brother of yours again tonight?”

Fives smirked as he leaned his elbows back against the bar. “We’re all brothers, commander.”

Core gave him a look through his smile. “You know what I mean, trooper.”

Fives nodded and looked back out to the bar. “Naw, not tonight. I’m still not sure I want him to come to this place. Not that he wouldn’t like it. It's just… not the clientele he’s interested in. Not his ‘community’.” He grinned at the Commander, using Core’s own words. His look turned thoughtful as he looked around. “Besides. It’s not so bad having something that’s just mine. We share everything, but it would be… a different story to share this. Since it’s not his.”

Core understood. He loved his brothers in command, but… this wasn’t their place. They’d be tourists here. And he didn’t want to worry about being on display.

He finishes his drink. “At least you can still share the women talk.”

“Oh yes, we can still do plenty of that,” Fives chuckles, still thoughtful. “And it helps to know that he understands me coming out on my own, having an experience he can’t be part of. No matter what happens, he’ll always have my back. That’s what brothers do.” He looks back at Core, hand clapping back onto his shoulder. “So just remember- you’ll always have us, Commander. Your brothers. No matter what happens.”

Something in Core relaxes, like muscles from their burden. Fives was right. He had something not a lot of people had. Brothers. Brothers by his side no matter what. He looks up with a small smile at his friend before the bartender places their drinks in front of them. They both take a glass.

“To brothers,” Core toasts

“To brothers,” Fives echoes.

Their glasses clink before they both take a sip. Core turns out to look at the bar, seeing some familiar faces of friends, a past lover or two.

Fives glances out at the throng. “How 'bout it, Commander? Ready to get up again?”

Core takes a deep breath and grins, grabbing his helmet off the bar. “Heck, I was never one to ignore a challenge.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW

Core pours the amber bourbon into two glasses sitting on his desk, corking the bottle before passing one of them over to his guest. The Corporal sits straight backed in his chair, serious, the well trained trooper.

Is this really the Echo Fives talked about?

Echo takes the drink from him, looking at it with surprise. "How did you even get this onboard, Commander?”

Core smirks out a chuckle. “I’ve got my ways.” He takes a swig of his own. “Helps that my Jedi doesn’t mind a sip every now and then.”

Echo lets a smirk slide. “Hm. That does tend to make things easier.” He takes a sip, nodding appreciatively. He settles in and looks up at the Commander. “What can I do for you, sir?”

Sheesh, all business. You could crack an egg on that rigid expression. Fives must be rolling around in his grave.

Core leans back in his chair and crosses one leg over the other. “You never did make it out to 97s, did you?”

Echo’s brow crinkles in confusion. “97s?”

Core nods through another sip. “With Fives.”

Echo's brows shoot up. “No, never got the invite…” He leans forward. “You knew him?”

Core nodded. “Good man. Good trooper. Good friend.” He gulps down what's left of his drink and sets his glass on the desk. “All of us at 97s were devastated to hear the news.”

None of them had believed it. None of them could handle it.

Echo’s posture deflates a bit. He takes a large gulp to finish his drink and sets it on the table. Core fills the glass again as Echo leans back in his seat. 

There. There he was - the brother who’d lost a brother. Not a Corporal, not a trooper, just… vod.

Echo’s voice is softer but still steady. “How… was he? After…”

“Broken, for awhile.” Core fills his own glass again, remembering. “He never did recover from not having you around. He moved on, still smiled, but he was never as carefree as before.”

Echo sighs, picking up his drink, staring at the liquid in the glass. “I… know the feeling. Its hard when you grow up with someone by your side only to find them… gone.” He takes another hearty gulp, the medicine for his pain.

Core watches his own glass for a moment. “I can’t imagine what it was like having him gone when you returned from Skako. I’m glad…” he looks back up to his guest. “I’m glad there was a squad waiting for you when you came back.”

Echo nodded solemnly. “I am too. They’re… unconventional, but that makes them more like Fives in some ways.”

“They’re still brothers.”

“They're still brothers.”

Core takes a gulp and sets the drink down, leaning forward, elbows on the desk. He didn't want to do this. Didn't have to do this. But, well... he did.

“Fives once reminded me that brothers always have your back. We’re lucky that way. No matter what happens with the wars, our jedi, our partners - we always have each other.”

A small smile. “That sounds like him.”

“Fives was important to me, and you were important to him. I owe it to him to watch a brother's back if he isn't here to do it himself.”

“Hm.” Echo nods absentmindedly. 

“So, I’m asking this in my duty to Fives,” Core looks at Echo over his laced fingers. “Is sharing this woman really a good idea?”

Echo freezes, drink halfway to his lips. “Sir?”

“Your medic,” Core repeats. “Is sleeping with her going to cause problems for you and your squad?”

Echo quickly downs his drink. Core smirks - Fives used to do that when he was trying to cover something up. “Ah, sir, that’s just a…just a rumor.”

Core laughs good-naturedly. “Which is what I’ll tell anyone who asks, trooper. But I’ve seen you all together. When you live your life reading body language to find your ‘people’, you get very good at it. And you boys were practically screaming.”

Echo sighs in defeat, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. 

“She’s not… no. No, she won’t,” he says solemnly.

“You’re sure about that?” Core presses. “Don’t get me wrong, I like the girl. Seems like more than enough to handle you all. But if you’re not careful...”

Echo rubs the back of his neck, more thoughtful than embarrassed. But... still a little embarrassed.

“It’s not… we’re not just sleeping with her, sir. She isn’t some bunker bunny we all let off steam with between missions. We all… care about her."

Core blinks for a moment. "Oh really?"

Echo nods. "She wasn’t even going to sign up for it if… that was all we wanted. But we all care about her, and we all… can make up for each others... deficiencies.”

Core doesn’t let up. “And you all agreed to this? Sober?”

“Yes.” Echo finally looks up. “I know it sounds a bit out there, Commander. But it... works. And… while it's nice to have someone who looks at me like that, wants to be around me, there’s... there's still a war. I have a duty, we all do. And knowing there are others, that if I can’t be there for her, can't..." he swallows "make it back… it makes it easier. It makes it work.”

Core huffs, nodding. “Well, its not nearly the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.” He seems sure. He’s a grown ass clone, can make his own choices, and he’s being sincere…

What would Fives have said to his brother now?

Core smirks. “I’m glad for you, Echo. That’s what he’d say.”

Echo huffs a smirk in return. “I think he would. Thank you, Commander.”

“Just know, if anything happens, you’ve still got us. You’ve still got your brothers. We’ll always have your back.”

Echo’s nods, saying almost to himself. “Thank you, Fives.”

Core smiles.

“Well,” Core claps his hand down on the table before leaning back again, “let me know if there’s anything fun I can do, besides keeping this a secret- especially since I’m stealing your squad’s cyarika for some ‘girl talk’. I’ll owe you big for that one.”

Echo snorts a bit, chuckling for a moment before he pauses.

“Actually, Commander....” he says thoughtfully, a glint of mischief in his eyes, “there is something you could do for me. And its just audacious enough to earn the Fives seal of approval.``

Core’s smirk is almost devilish as he leans forward on his desk. THIS is the Echo he'd waited to meet. About kriffing time.

“I’m listening Corporal. And I can already tell you - I'm all in.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What up, tag list?

@ladykatakuri @ben-is-a-hoe @klay97 @kaitou2417 @dumfanting @kuromisheart @koifish08 @echo-is-worth-more-than-2000 @badbatch-simp24 @pointy-sharp @rainytears2 @gabile18 @nedxwynert @chopper-witch @nexxxxxxxxx @nightscissor @corona-one @babypandasugar22 @pumpkinkpatch @oohyesplease @princessclaire2 @just-a-shit-ton-of-trama @badbatch-simp24 @foreverhockeytrash @unholy-t-rin-ity @reeny26 @smurderous @xxeiraxx @discarded-beskar @just-an-anxious-ball-of-flesh @mybigfatspoonielife @whore4rex @andyoufollowyourheart @lokigirlszendaya @captain-splock-you @darkangel4121

@gluwu @stormweather99 @redpool @mysanityleaving @alwayssnivellus @chickentenderx @scioness-7 @moniicarlo @nekotaetae @cjoftheriver @ladykagewaki @charlie-boo @blueink-bluesoul  @vithepotato @aconstructofamind @pb-jellybeans @burningfieldof-clover @thegirlwholovedblackholes

[mooniemp3]

I just want to talk about the curious connection between Dabi and Mr. Compress.

When MVA starts, we have 6 members of the LoV, these 6 are the most recognized members. While everyone in the LoV are connected because they share a lot of between themselves, each member have their partner. This duos are thematically connected, their characters share more specific things and usually, their best relationship in the LoV are with this partner. These duos are formed around the main 3 villains: Toga and Jin/Twice (the most notorious duo), Tomura/Tenko and Shuichi/Spinner, and Dabi/Touya and Mr. Compress/Atsuhiro.

A lot was and is talked about the first two duos, so let's focus on the third one.

I think it's not a surprise that despite the fact that Touya didn't want to get along a lot with the LoV, he did. And the one who weirdly had and has a better relationship (the best Touya can do) is Atsuhiro. The two mysterious ones.

What they have in common?

Theater/Dance theme, performance as the core of how they show themselves: While Atsuhiro is more "dramatical" and elegant, we know Touya, when it comes to showing before his family, he does his act, certain poses, phrases, etc, it's more like gothic literature btw (he is like Frankenstein's monster) Both share this theater theme/aesthetic, it's obvious, it's the first trait that its presented about Atsuhiro. While in Touya's case, is something we see later.

The family heritage and believing they are an extension of certain relative, the core of their stories: Core piece of their stories is about the accomplishment of his family heritage, the importance of their family ties.

Touya puts emphasis on being Endeavor's son, explaining that he does what he does because of being his son. He is Endeavor's projection, his continuation, his extension.

Atsuhiro puts emphasis on being Oji Harima's descendant, explaing he does what he does because he has to do what Oji Harima did. He has his blood, he sees himself as his continuation, his extension.

Atsuhiro himself highlights that Touya and him share this thing about being part of certain lineage.

Both let their lifes be about this relative, making it the core of their decisions and actions.

Of course it's extremely different what they lived but the point here is the essential part of the influence of family heritage in their lives.

New identity: Easy, Touya died, Dabi was born.

Atsuhiro before was a magician, an entertainer. But now he is Mr. Compress.

They new identity are their choice, it isn't a reference to someone else, and it's not only a new name and look, it's a whole new life purpose, their new self.

Both hid their true appearances, and revealing themselves is a big show.

Dabi's Dance and Final Performance: Touya's revelation and Atsuhiro's escape "act" are events that happened next to each other. In fact, one is ch. 290 and the other ch. 294. Atsuhiro's revelation follows Touya's. He starts the show with his dance, and Atsuhiro finish it with the League's escape. It all start with Touya first move of presenting himself as Touya Todoroki and ends with Atsuhiro's reverence. And they use the same stage for their show.

Both chapters have this curious theme about staging and their performances. For Touya its the beginning of his show, while for Atushiro, its the final. It's literally in the titles, the show theme is so important.

In these chapters, both reveal their real appearance and present their family ties and how important they are for who they are now.

Another detail is that the last one that Atsuhiro compressed is Touya, giving him something like a high five, looking like some takeover for Touya. Now he is the principal performer, the principal entertainer, it's his show, the beginning of it.

Self destruction as their show: Atsuhiro mutilated himself making the great escape for his friends. He didn't stop until Mirio punched him, but even being hurt, the show didn't stop. Touya is burning himself even more for his show. In Dabi's Dance he burned more parts of his skin, and during this final arc, he looks like a corpse, and it's crucial to his "show", his last show. Also, both do this using their quirks.

[jenyifer]

The Trainee Ep 5 Initial Reaction

Oh thank god, Episode 5 is exactly what I wanted! Episode 4 was a bit dry and boring, but thankfully Episode 5 totally makes up for it. Some people commented last week saying I shouldn’t criticize the show just because I expect spicy stuff. But no, this is what I wanted—and surprise, it’s not about kissing. Sometimes it feels like people don’t really read what I write. I make these posts to remember the shows I’m watching, whether I enjoy them or not. It’s all just my opinion.

But anyway, Episode 5 was fantastic for both the main and side couples. We got to see the shallow crush of Bah-Mee and the gradual crush between Ryan and Jane. I was screaming for joy when they were walking home together, finally talking about something other than work. Honestly, that scene alone would’ve made me happy, but the episode gave me so much more!

Jane’s apartment gave me major "Theory of Love" vibes with its IKEA and creative core aesthetic. Anyway, let’s get to the photo review!

Awwww Pie does appreciate Ryan for his friendship and his skill. I love her.

Okay yeah this boy’s mentor’s are actually fucking up. 1. Give the intern the invoices is a 1 way trip to getting fired 2. Don’t even check in with the intern to make sure he’s doing it right.

Idk at my company money stuff is the most important thing I can’t imagine HR taking this lightly. I got in deep shit when I had to go on a business trip and didn’t have a properly lit receipt. Got emails every single day. I had to have every purchase and movement accounted for and I think that’s less important than a department’s invoices.

Hehehe Bah-Mee is too cute head empty girl

No noodles is bringing Punn back!!! *once this series is over it’s time to watch Gifted again* seeing Gun’s forehead is a rare treat that I shall savor ahah

Jane is turning his anxiety into his super power. I don’t think he’s as confident as he pretends it’s just hardened into “this is how it is.” He takes every job. Does it to the fullest never thinking of himself.

“Getting to know you, Getting to feel free and easy. When I am with you, Getting to know what to say. Haven’t you noticed? Suddenly I’m bright and breezy Because of all the beautiful and new Things I’m learning about you Day by day.” Them talking about what they like and bonding over who they really are hits me right in the feels.

I like that Jane NOT ONLY apologized but clearly explained why he had been overwhelmed and made the mistake in the first place. He really means it. Jane feels really bad that Ryan was so affected by his words. Just really precious.

First off all I adore this song by Nanon. Second both of the side couple are in love with the theory of being together but that’s how love can be. You are going through the motions of what you think a relationship is

Ryan being enchanted by Jane’s actions of giving him his clothes to wear is so heart warming and makes me giggle and kick my feet. Probably because stealing clothes is the peak of lesbian behavior. When you start sharing clothes you are close to discussing marriage plans with a girl hehehe.

[kaelidascope]

Director's commentary on Something About Moths and a Flame, please!

Oh this outta be fun LOL OKAY

So the overall story of how this fic was even born in the first place stemmed from 2 things. I had an idea to write about a shameless self-indulgence about having an overabundance of experience with cismen with hardly any queer experience. And the little queer experiences Blake did have were not good reference points. Using myself as a default source of plot devices (lmao) I self-inserted the desire to get the fuck out of my current state and wanting to move somewhere north to start over. Bing bang boom, you got a basic background and motive for Blake

I honestly should've expected the fic would be more than just 'bisexual character experiences sex with a seasoned sapphic character' and trying to manifest positive things in my life by writing it out in fic format (who doesn't do that, really. If anyone says they don't they're a liar). Everything I make always turns out to be something way more than it's original concept so what I ended up with here was a story drawing on personal elements and wanting for an outcome that probably wont happen, but it's nice seeing it happen to the bees anyway

Blake's feelings about relationships represent a time in my life where my opinion was exactly hers. After a lengthy discussion with Sawrin over dissecting this fic, I've come to the realization that Yang also represents a time frame of opinions as well. Only Yang's core design comes from a time waaaaay in the past that honestly, I had forgotten existed. It's nice to see it manifest despite being buried, and certainly gives me something to think about when I reread it from time to time.

Readers of MM and Moths can draw lines between Blake questioning why things are so easy when she's with Yang. It's the same principle across the board for most bee fics that Blake's past hasn't been kind to her. It's an alien feeling to suddenly have things be so easy, but difficult to accept they're easy at the same time. I tried to picture how the fuck would I react if I were in this perfect dream scenario and how stupid would it be after the realization hits. Blake and Yang have been dating this whole time and just never accepted it for what it was based on what other people have lead them to believe what a relationship had to be.

The talk they have when Yang's AC is out and they're laying in her bed with the windows open is in reference to a talk I once had that didn't have the outcome I wanted. It carries the same essence of dismay - both parties knowing they want each other but because of the boundaries at play, cannot have what they want. But in this version it's not one sided.

Overall, it was nice getting able to write from a quietly honest place without having to worry about literally every other realistic factor ever. This is about as textbook 'I wrote this for me cus I wanted something that applied to me' as it gets. The ending is my dream scenario. I fucking hate living with partners I can't do it anymore JKNFKGNKJGFN but it's not easy finding someone else who'd agree with me. So the bees get my lost dream of permanent independence. I wrote this thing in 3 days and I was morbidly sick while I was doing it, too. So I'm sure it's littered with grammatical errors and what have you. But my best friend has always been completely head over heels about this work, and it astounds me how much he sings its praise. I'm always genuinely surprised when others find something to relate to in this work as well. I never expected it to be anything more than just a glance. It's not even smut heavy. I didn't think people cared about fics like that LOL (silly, I know) but I am glad I put it out there and it got the response it did.

[shihalyfie]

Digimon Survive’s character cast, their roles in the group, and Adventure parallels

This franchise loves to self-reference, so it’s very easy to say that a lot of things are based on Adventure, but in Survive’s case, it has been abundantly clear (to the point of having been officially stated in many interviews) the narrative and setup itself is meant to be a reimagining of Digimon Adventure, as in the 54-episode series that aired from March 1999-2000. As much as the franchise likes to use Adventure symbolism, or rough glosses of its isekai premise, you might be surprised at how few things actually have bothered to take a look at the entire series and structure to the little things, trying to figure out what made it tick, instead of just pulling its names and faces and terminology and calling it a day. Moreover, one of Survive’s core premises of “a Digimon partner is effectively a part of your own soul” is a premise that originates directly from Adventure; it’s just that this time, it’s much more explicit.

Adventure is famous for being a character narrative, to the point you can put a picture with nothing but the characters and people will consider it representative of the entire series. So if you want to go deeply into Adventure, you have to look at its characters, what their relationships were, and what roles they had. And Survive does, but with its own distinct cast of characters who are very similar in some ways...and very different in others.

As you might expect, this post spoils all four routes, so please be aware of this before reading further. (I also will be spoiling Adventure and 02, in case you haven’t seen those yet. Hey, you never know.)

Because I wasn’t able to go back through all four routes to take screenshots, the screenshots used in this post are from Anthony (Wrathful), Owl-Quest (Harmony), and BattleBunny (Moral and Truthful)’s playthroughs. Please go check them out if you want to see the game yourself!

Something very important before we begin

I think making comparisons and drawing parallels is very useful, but I have a personal policy that comparisons should only be drawn “as much as they are useful” and no more than that. There’s a difference between “thoughtfully inspecting comparisons and contrasts to analyze how things work” versus “forcing parallels so hard that you end up trying to smash a square peg into a round hole, completely losing sight of the reason you’re trying to make those comparisons in the first place”. I know it’s tempting to try and make as many parallels as you can, but there’s a point where trying to force it becomes actively detrimental to your analysis.

It is true that Survive was built from the ground up as a reimagining of Adventure of sorts, and even promoted and officially stated to be such. However, Adventure is Adventure, and Survive is Survive. Survive is a game meant to stand on its own even if you've never touched Digimon Adventure in your life; to act as if the narrative and characters are nothing more than variations on Adventure’s is, in my opinion, disrespecting Survive’s efforts to be its own story in the end. It is a game that pays tribute to and reimagines Adventure's concepts, so it can't (and shouldn’t) be disentangled completely from Adventure if you want to bring the most out of an analysis, but it’s also unfair to treat the game as if it’s just some kind of twisted, barely-modified parody of Adventure, because it’s not. It’s a game that draws heavily from its predecessors in bringing up concepts to think about while also firmly doing what it needs to do in order to be its own story.

Therefore, in making character comparisons and analyzing the characters in relevance to Adventure characters, my priority will be on making connections between “their roles and positions in the group” rather than trying to force comparisons for the sake of forcing them, or trying to claim that this character is just the Survive version of this Adventure character. In fact, in some cases, my goal is to convey that a Survive character may start off in the same rough position as their Adventure counterpart but go in a very different direction.

I also would like to reiterate that I very much disapprove of the idea of using Survive to be condescending about Adventure. Survive’s characters and plot do address territory that Adventure isn’t able to, but framing Survive with reductive things like “Adventure but darker/edgier” or “a deconstruction of Adventure” as if the game only exists to dunk on Adventure’s idealism or treat it like it’s implausible is incredibly disrespectful, not only to Adventure but also to Survive, which in fact very obviously holds its predecessor in high esteem. (I mean, it is very fun to refer to Survive as “Adventure except people die” as a joke, but the game really is more than just that.) I’m going to bring back this very well-worded tweet “a deconstruction is when I like something in a genre I disrespect”; I don’t have any patience for this kind of thing, so don’t bring it in here. I reiterate: the comparisons are going to be drawn for the sake of better analyzing what Survive is pulling from and referencing while also doing its own thing for its own story. No more, no less.

Takuma and Agumon

At this point it’s pretty much common knowledge that anyone with a name that starts with “ta-” and a pair of goggles is going to be taking Taichi’s role as protagonist, and Takuma having an Agumon only drives it in further, but if we’re actually going to talk about Taichi himself, things get a little more complicated because Taichi was actually quite unusual in many ways (I honestly would say that Taichi is a character a lot of people “know” but don’t tend to easily “understand”). But right off the bat, Takuma turns out to have a very different temperament from Taichi’s, being significantly more introspective and less impulsive. In fact, he holds the distinction of being a rare Digimon protagonist who uses the polite first-person pronoun boku (most Digimon protagonists use the more assertive ore), and for frame of reference, the other major players who do this are Takato (Tamers), Haru (Appmon), and Keisuke (Hacker’s Memory), all three of whom are associated with some kind of meta element questioning whether they should be in the protagonist position...

(Personally, between Takato, Haru, and Keisuke, I’d say Takuma is probably closest to Haru in that he’s polite but also very thoughtful and introspective. He does happen to have self-doubts much more quickly than Haru would most of the time, but he’s not prone to Keisuke’s self-esteem issues or Takato’s tendency to shrink easily.)

Some of the nuances of Takuma’s personality and how selfish or selfless he is depend on the player’s choices and what route things are in, but for the most part the general core is consistent across all four routes. Takuma doesn’t start off thinking of himself as the group’s leader, and this part is consistent with Taichi as well; Taichi didn’t have particular awareness of himself as the group’s leader until Jou confronted him with the prospect in Adventure episode 28. However, in contrast to Taichi immediately taking initiative and pulling everyone forward even if he didn’t consciously see himself as the leader, Takuma started off still having strong awareness of seniors like Aoi and Shuuji, and it only slowly becomes apparent that he’s taking charge as more and more characters start pointing it out, culminating in multiple characters pretty much unanimously considering Takuma the group’s leader even before he’s considered it; Part 9 on the Truthful route has Shuuji outright admit to Ryo that he’s using Takuma as his model for how a leader should actually be.

So how does Takuma end up becoming unanimously considered the leader in a similar way to Taichi despite having such a different temperament? The characters spell it out in clear words multiple times over the course of the game: he brings the group together by being their emotional center. That part about being their “emotional center” is important because Taichi wasn’t necessarily as good at that part (which incites a lot of conflict between him and the others during the last arc of Adventure), but the reason this is more important for Takuma is that the Survive group is significantly more prone to infighting than the Adventure group was most of the time. When the game’s producer Habu called it the “Lord of the Flies” counterpart to Adventure’s “Two Years’ Vacation”, Adventure’s director Kakudou revealed that Lord of the Flies was an inspiration for the part of the story corresponding to Pinocchimon and Yamato...which resulted in Taichi failing to keep the group together and everyone falling apart. So in other words, Takuma is pulling off the achievement of keeping the group glued together when the equivalent of the Pinocchimon arc is happening all the time. There are no Crests in this narrative, meaning the automatic filtering for “naturally good kids” was absent and the kids were dragged into the Digimon world by sheer virtue of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, leading to a lot more negativity on all fronts and composures lost much more easily -- and thus, Takuma’s ability to keep a cool head and get everyone to calm down becomes his most important asset.

Also of note is Takuma’s own relationship with Agumon. While Agumon in this game is obviously based off Taichi’s Agumon in Adventure, Takuma and Agumon end up having quite a lot of conversations together where Takuma consults with him on how to sort out his emotions and what to do next, far more so than would happen in the original Adventure. Part of this is simply because of the medium shift (being a video game, Survive is able to have much longer conversations that aren’t restricted by timeslot airtime), and it’s also not like Agumon in Adventure wasn’t also emotionally insightful when Taichi needed advice, but Takuma and his Agumon partner end up having several conversations on the vein of Adventure!Agumon’s discussions with BlackWarGreymon in 02 episodes 32 and 46. In the end, the main reason is probably just that Takuma is just that kind of introspective person who actively seeks out Agumon and talks to him honestly, allowing them to get borderline philosophical without any strings attached.

Minoru and Falcomon

The mere suggestion that Minoru is supposed to be Koushirou’s counterpart would probably make someone roll their eyes and go “oh, come on, now you’re really forcing it,” and I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking so. Temperament-wise, Minoru couldn’t be any more different from Koushirou. Rather than anyone in the Adventure group, he comes off as a kind of mix of Daisuke (in terms of being rough but friendly and having a forward-thinking attitude) and Miyako (in terms of being a “mood maker” who tries to keep everyone’s spirits up but needs to be reined in by a more stoic partner). But trust me, hear me out, I know this sounds weird, but I’ve got more reason for this stance than you might think!

Actually, Koushirou had a pretty complex role in Adventure, to the point he seems to have two counterparts in Survive. The more well-publicized parts of Koushirou’s profile involve his intellectual curiosity (bringing him closest to the secrets behind the Digital World) and his sense of deference and politeness, and those traits correspond more to the Professor (more on that when we get to his section). However, the less well-publicized but no less important part is that Koushirou was, for all intents and purposes, Taichi’s right-hand man, and thus one of the most important figures in helping Taichi pull off what he needed to as leader.

Koushirou was one of the few kids who knew Taichi prior to the events of the series and had already established a certain sense of respect for him (he only went to camp at all because of Taichi). As a result, while Koushirou tended to avoid confrontation with the others in the group, he was open to Taichi in a way he often wasn’t with others, and Taichi likewise was comfortable asking him for assistance (culminating in the famous moment in Adventure episode 28 when Taichi uses his authority as leader to appoint Koushirou as the best person to solve the card puzzle). Later, it’s Koushirou who sticks by Taichi when the group splits up during the Dark Masters arc, Koushirou who witnesses and hears out Taichi during one of his biggest emotional breakdowns in Adventure episode 48, and Koushirou who works directly alongside Taichi in Our War Game! Taichi’s relationships with Yamato or Sora tend to be more well-publicized, so casual fans of Adventure or mainstream media reports tend to completely gloss over this, but it’s conspicuous to anyone who knows Adventure on a particularly deep level. (While this analysis sticks purely to the original Adventure and 02 for the sake of consistent scope, it says something that even stage play writer Tani Kenichi clearly also caught onto this and had the lines "I've watched you at your side all these years! Isn't that right?!" and "But I thought you could at least speak honestly with me!" come out of Koushirou’s mouth.)

So as much as Minoru isn’t really much of a counterpart to Koushirou in terms of personality, he is in terms of Koushirou’s “position in the group”: the leader’s right-hand man who avoids inciting confrontation but is vital in helping keep them together. (In fact, the part about avoiding confrontation is pointed out quite directly in his official profile.) Considering how Takuma pulling off the feat of keeping everyone together required him to have a very different temperament from Taichi, it thus follows that Minoru’s temperament needs to be different from Koushirou’s in order to achieve the same effect with the Survive group. Koushirou’s more polite and level-headed demeanor was important to keeping the rather impulsive Taichi in check, but in this case, Takuma is already plenty level-headed by himself, and Minoru being more actively sociable and trying to keep everyone’s spirits up is a more effective complement. This is helped by the fact that, in the same way Koushirou knew Taichi from the soccer club even prior to Adventure, Minoru happens to have already been Takuma’s friend from school prior to Survive, and thus by the time we get to the final chapters of the game (especially in the Truthful route), it’s made quite clear that Minoru really is Takuma’s right-hand man whom he can rely on for many things. On top of that, Minoru being so agreeable makes him the only character of the group besides Takuma to survive all four routes -- he sticks by Takuma no matter what.

Background-wise, Minoru’s is quite different from Koushirou’s in that he’s mostly used to being rather lonely at home due to a divorced father and a workaholic mother, and he also happens to be a fan of hero manga and tokusatsu to the point a lot of his personal ideal throughout the game is to become a “hero”. (Perhaps fittingly, his temperament is probably the closest to the shounen protagonist archetype among this group.) This puts him in an interesting position in that he’s the most aware of what kind of heroic character would be from a series like Digimon Adventure and personally strives to be one, even though it takes him a while to gather up the courage for it. When you have affinity-affecting choices with him, he tends to prefer the “forward-thinking” kinds of responses that would make Daisuke proud, so he clearly took the kids’ media lessons to heart. In line with that, Minoru is the only character besides Takuma to survive all four routes; while his biggest emotional turmoil happens in all four routes (it takes up the majority of Part 6), he and Falcomon weather through it quite well. But when you think about it, back in the Adventure universe, the kids who admired the Adventure kids most were...well, the 02 kids, so perhaps it’s not actually that surprising Minoru’s temperament is closer to them.

Also, here’s another fun thing to consider: Minoru’s dynamic with Falcomon takes several pages from Miyako and Hawkmon’s book...so, remember who also happened to be Koushirou’s junior who admired him the most?

Aoi and Labramon

If you wrote a rough base outline of Sora and Aoi’s characters, they’d probably be pretty similar or even identical. You’d basically get something like “the Mom Friend who tries to take care of everyone and overwhelms herself in the process, crumbling under the pressure”. But there is one key distinction that makes all the difference: Sora’s desire to help others was something that came naturally to her despite her own lack of self-awareness, whereas Aoi’s woes come from the fact she’s all too aware of the fact everyone is relying on her and bears resentment about it.

One recurring thing with Sora was that her own self-evaluation was often much harsher than she actually deserved. Initially scoffing at the idea of being responsible for someone else (Adventure episode 4), despite being unable to abandon everyone and constantly going out of her way to help everyone behind the scenes (Adventure episodes 22-25), her own self-evaluation was still that she was apparently devoid of love and didn’t care about the others at all (Adventure episode 26). Her constant desire to help everyone was effectively compulsive, and she had poor awareness of whether she was getting in over her head, with others needing to remind her that she shouldn’t see things as an obligation (Adventure episode 51). Sora was barely even aware of how much she was putting out for others because she saw it as an impulsive obligation, and the others were the ones concerned about whether she was taking enough care of herself. Moreover, although Sora bottled up quite a bit of self-imposed pressure, she wasn’t exactly shy about expressing her feelings; it’s just that they often happened to be messy, and she wasn’t sure what to make of them.

(By the way, this is also why I really don’t like the idea that Adventure is somehow more “unrealistic” or even “idealized” than Survive’s just because they’re ostensibly more put-together and selfless people, because Adventure’s characters often toed on the other extreme of being selfless to self-destructive levels; the kids would be prone to severe self-confidence issues or even self-hatred, especially going into 02. While the Survive kids may seem overall self-centered at first and thus be more prone to infighting, any self-worth issues they have or attempts at reckless self-sacrifice don’t tend to be as frequent or extreme as they were with the Adventure and 02 kids.)

In contrast, Aoi is consciously aware of what’s on her plate, what she’s dealing with, and why she’s doing what she does. Sora was the same age as Taichi and Yamato, so she was able to be comfortable in a position as their peer, but Aoi is one year older than Takuma and therefore considered one of the seniors of the group, a fact that’s alluded to multiple times over the course of the game. This means the group ends up treating her with the expectation that she has responsibility for them (especially after Ryo and Shuuji die in the main routes, thus genuinely leaving her as the oldest one there), and on top of her class president duties, she’s surrounded by expectations and responsibilities that are actually imposed on her. On top of that, people actually take advantage of her kindness and exploit her, and she knows this fact very well and hates it. (While it’s possible this might have happened with Sora, it’s unlikely she would have even realized she was being taken advantage of, much less come to resent anyone who did, because the issue was more about her own difficulty with setting boundaries and doing something for herself.)

Aoi does what she does because “she wants to be helpful”, so she suppresses all of her angry feelings and resentment to not burden anyone; for the early parts of the game, Labramon openly voices all of the snark and harsh burns that Aoi clearly wants to say but won’t. This means that meeting Saki inspires a mix of admiration and envy for the fact Saki is able to express her feelings so openly. But in the Wrathful route, when everything goes to hell and Saki (somewhat) sacrifices herself for Aoi, Aoi implodes from the resentment of everyone burdening her with responsibilities, seeing their attempts to give her space as not caring enough about her, and upset that after all of her desire to be “helpful”, everything actually just got worse. The last straw is when Piemon exploits her kindness to attempt to murder her, and the end result is Aoi completely flipping into “the ultimate selfishness” (absorbing Labramon, as in her own ego) to decide that the best solution would be to impose her way -- the way she’d never been getting all of this time -- on others and force them to agree with her.

Thankfully, Aoi fares better in the other routes where she manages to trust and rely on others a little more, and her friends do much more to make sure she knows her efforts are appreciated. Notably, during her affinity choices, Aoi reacts very well to choices that validate her right to have “shallow” interests like cute things (instead of it being considered undignified and immature of her) and choices that have other characters outright call her a Mom Friend. I’m pointing this out because for all Sora is well-known among fans for being a Mom Friend, this wasn’t actually pointed out with this kind of wording in Adventure mainly because Sora wasn’t really seeing herself as one, but here Aoi does prefer to be seen this way, presumably because it affirms the fact her friends appreciate her as a person rather than someone to dump responsibilities on.

As an aside, the Wrathful route involves a subplot about Kaito being one of the first to catch onto what’s going on with Aoi and make the most prominent attempt at reaching out to her, and while I don’t know if this was intentionally meant as a parallel, it does call back to the scene in Adventure episode 26 when Taichi and Yamato are at a loss as to how to help Sora during her emotional meltdown, and Yamato’s response (to let her cry if she needs to) is indicated as the better option until Takeru finally manages to step in with the best response. In Aoi’s case, given that she ends up resenting everyone giving her space (interpreting it as “leaving her alone”), Kaito’s attempt to get through to her by confronting her directly about her feelings was probably the closest to a step in the right direction -- it’s just that unfortunately Kaito doesn’t exactly handle it delicately enough to prevent Aoi from having a complete breakdown.

Fortunately, as if responding directly to this predicament, the Moral route contains a scene of them getting along perfectly well when going out to get food together. This is significant if you played Wrathful and Harmony before then, because both routes had one or the other fall off the deep end; Moral has Shuuji and Ryo’s deaths force them to step up to the plate, but without the exacerbating factors that drove both to to the brink in Wrathful and Harmony, it turns out they’re more than capable of stepping up to the task.

Ryo and Kunemon

While it’s generally easy to figure out at least some obvious parallels for each character in this cast, sometimes even multiple, Ryo is the one character I’ve never seen anyone really be able to get a read on regarding this question. I’ve seen suggestions that it might be Akiyama Ryou (based on the name) or even Ken (based on having a bug-type partner that he initially had a bad relationship with). Personally, my stance is “nobody, and that’s the point” -- because you’ll notice that the one thing all of these theories have in common is that none of them correspond to anyone in the original group from Digimon Adventure.

I’m not sure if this really comes across as well to anyone who hasn’t actually played the game hands-on, but one very striking thing about Ryo over the course of the beginning of Survive is that the game oftentimes feels like it’s tempting you to give up on him. The characters label him as unlikely to be cooperative right off the bat, and while they extend the minimum amount of courtesy to him, it’s also tinted with a sentiment that nobody really expects him to come along because he’s so pessimistic he’ll never cooperate. Getting his affinity level up to a significant amount in the early game actually requires you to go out of your way to seek him out and talk to him at least once (during a period the game interface doesn’t inform you that he’s available to talk like it does the other characters). And Ryo really is an uncooperative stick in the mud who doesn't look like he has any interest in helping himself anyway. They spoiled the fact he was going to be the first death before the game even released!

In other words, Ryo has no clear Adventure counterpart because “he has no place here”. He’s not a character who fits in the framework of Adventure-defined archetypes. He wasn’t made to be on a heroic adventure to begin with, and so he’s the first to be removed from it. And yet, the difference his presence or absence makes results in him being arguably one of the most important characters in this game.

In fact, even in the very, very early stages on the game, there were hints that Ryo’s behavior of being completely uncooperative and pessimistic were largely exacerbated by the stress of being brought to another world with monsters; if you closely watch him at the beginning of the game, he’s the one who enables Miu into taking them to the shrine (which he reminds us about near the end of the Truthful route). His website short story reveals that he’d actively decided to go to the extracurricular camp despite his initial misgivings because he really did want at least a little hope of making friends. But being jaded from isolation does a number on your abrasiveness level (the Frontier kids can testify to that one), and then everything went to hell when all of his stress factors and feelings of isolation were aggravated to their worst.

Depression isn’t an elegant thing, unfortunately, and Ryo’s inner desire to do better being blocked off by his initial difficulty to connect with others is perfectly exemplified by Kunemon trying really hard to take care of Ryo and communicate with others but being held back by his inability to use human language or do much with his limited physique. Note that Ryo’s initial hostile behavior towards Kunemon isn’t necessarily condescension or anything near the level of Shuuji’s initial bad relationship with Lopmon; it’s just that Ryo is afraid of Kunemon and not sure what to make of him, in the same way he’s clearly not sure what to make of himself. (Naturally, the first thing Ryo does when he comes back from the brink is start forming a proper relationship wtih Kunemon, and Ryo himself opening up more in the Truthful route correlates with Kunemon’s higher forms becoming able to speak.)

Ryo’s death in the three main routes is from a mixture of factors that even the cast in-universe isn’t sure what to make of; he doesn’t actively commit suicide per se, but his death wouldn’t have happened if not for his extreme suicidal ideation, and while Takuma regrets not having reached out to him earlier, it’s also not like he can be blamed for not doing enough when it wasn’t for lack of trying (from Takuma’s perspective, it’s not like he had any way of knowing that Ryo would die if he didn’t bond with him intimately in 3 chapters, and Ryo himself wasn’t exactly giving much of an indication that such a feat would actually be possible). Looking at the difference between the routes where he dies and the route where he doesn’t, the difference is that when Ryo dies, his pessimism about anything working out for him and him having a “place” anywhere convinces him he really doesn’t have anything to live for anymore, whereas the route where he lives has Takuma and the others so obviously risking life and limb to drag him back that he’s actually able to see, very clearly, that he did have a “place” and the ability to make friends after all.

(By the way, I should point out that one thing Survive is very good at is that a lot of the “correct” affinity choices are ones where you don’t pry too deeply into their problems and instead respect the other person’s space. In Ryo’s case, getting his affinity up quickly enough to save him requires going out of your way to check on him often, but the actual choices that raise affinity mostly involve validating his feelings and not prodding things too much, basically showing that you care but also respecting that he’ll open up when he’s ready.)

Having realized this, Ryo opens up immediately; again, he was interested in proactively making friends from the get-go, so it’s only natural that as soon as he confirmed that was a possibility for him and his initial shell was broken through, he didn’t hesitate to brighten up and actively engage with the others. Turns out, he's actually one of the most emotionally insighful people in the cast (in no part because, as someone who's seen the bottom, he's well aware of its horrors), but he also has a certain sense of grounded, to-the-point pragmatism while also not being as extremely emotionally charged as Kaito. Completely contrary to the bad first impression he gave everyone (except Saki), it turns out he’s actually a pretty great friend to have. And once Ryo is saved, the route automatically locks onto Truthful, because it creates a chain reaction where he ends up being the best person to save Shuuji, who then paves the way for the truth to be reached and the best possible ending achieved.

Remember how I said that Ryo was the character who had no place in the Adventure framework? If Ryo dies in Part 3, the “best” possible ending you can theoretically get (Moral) is the one that correlates most closely to Digimon Adventure, with the kids being booted out of the Digimon world for the time being and an uncertain future of whether the worlds can truly come together. Reaching an even better one that more closely represents what came after Adventure and allows the story to be passed onto future generations (very unsubtly represented by the Chibimon meeting new kids at the end -- note the significance because none of the 02 quartet’s Digimon are recruitable in the game) requires Ryo, the added factor who helps the story proceed.

But really, the ultimate take-home the game is making here is that you shouldn’t give up on people that easily, because they just might surprise you.

Saki and Floramon

Saki’s creed being to “go with her feelings” makes it immediately obvious off the bat that she’s the Survive counterpart for Mimi, but interestingly, Saki is simultaneously more rude and more kind than Mimi was in Adventure. Mimi had a “princess-like” demeanor based on her somewhat spoiled upbringing, meaning that on one hand she would be quick to complain and gripe about anything that even moderately annoyed her, but she also was constantly deferential and respectful to her elders, had consistent use of honorifics, and was always polite and careful not to step on anyone’s toes as long as she wasn’t emotionally overwhelmed.

On the flip side, Saki handles everyone somewhat bluntly (not even using upward-facing honorifics for most characters despite being one of the youngest in the group) and has less regard for what other people think when she says what she feels -- but she’s quite the opposite of spoiled. In fact, Takuma realizes after a fashion that she comes off as someone who’s been through hardship in the past, and she’s actually one of the most resilient in the cast; eventually, we find out that any “sheltering” she’s been through comes from the fact she wasn’t allowed to do much in light of her illness, and her emphasis on feelings and living to the fullest comes from the fact she’s not sure whether she might die soon. Moreover, the illusory versions of Saki encountered over the course of the game reveal that she’s actually afraid of being hated by others, so there is a certain aspect of her that’s self-conscious about whether she’s going too far.

In the end, Saki respects others’ feelings, but also expects to have her own feelings respected in turn. Throughout her affinity events, Takuma learns that although she initially seems flighty and difficult to predict in terms of how she wants to be treated, she’s a lot more considerate than she seems at first, and at no point does she deny anyone else’s right to feel the way they do as long as they respect her own. In addition, while she doesn’t believe in hiding how she feels, she also does take measures to try not to step on others’ toes (that is to say, she understands that she can’t just selfishly do whatever she wants without regard for others). Out of all of the deaths presented in the three main routes, Saki’s is perhaps the most purely selfless one as she knowingly accepts death in the face of her fear of it, as long as it saves others -- especially since the weight of “failing” her friends hangs so over her head that she loses all sense of self-worth.

The beginning of Part 5 of the Wrathful route reveals that Saki had been delaying a surgery out of fear of its outcome, despite the fact that it would greatly increase her chance of living longer if she takes it. It’s left ambiguous whether she does actually decide to commit to it after the events of the game, but the three endings where she survives (Harmony, Moral, and Truthful) confirm she at least lives for a year after the game’s events. One can only hope that the events of the game and her friends convinced her to have the courage to take it!

Incidentally, Adventure and 02 generally had a pattern that the characters with Digimon partners that were closest to their own personalities were the ones that usually were more straightforward -- so naturally, Saki and Floramon have the closest to identical temperaments from the very beginning.

Shuuji and Lopmon

Considering that Jou tends to be one of the most well-liked Adventure characters by adult fans, depending on how you look at it, it’s either deeply ironic or incredibly fitting (or both) that his Survive counterpart is turning out to probably be the most controversial character in the cast.

In fact, on the surface level, Shuuji’s profile is almost identical to Jou’s from temperament to backstory. He’s the oldest of the group (in this case, the only one in high school) and is therefore considered the “leader” with responsibility for everyone by default, but doesn’t really have the mettle to keep himself together for it at first. His sense of duty has roots in his family life, including a father who has high expectations of him and a shadow of an older brother looming over him. However, one factor makes all the difference here: Shuuji’s doing all of this specifically because he wants to please others and get their approval.

Jou wasn’t really all that worried about what others thought of him (other than the minimum amount of respect necessary to have faith in his ability to keep them together). The concept of “status” didn’t really play any sort of factor, and in fact, he was portrayed as even somewhat dragging his feet when it came to studies or social status. On top of that, poking into a 02 drama CD reveals that Jou’s dad wasn’t actually that controlling, and was perfectly willing to give his blessing to Jou about not becoming a doctor; it’s just that Jou knew that, emotionally speaking, he wouldn’t be very happy about it, so Jou was doing this because he just really cared about his dad’s feelings. Jou only didn't want to "disappoint" others because he happened to have a Good Samaritan nature of wanting to help others, and in fact it almost seemed he thought of himself too little to the point of having a rather recklessly self-sacrificial streak (Adventure episodes 7, 23, 36). When Jou said “because I’m the oldest”, what it meant was “because as the oldest, I take my responsibility to take care of everyone very seriously”.

In contrast, Shuuji’s fixation with being respected as the “leader” is decidedly less altruistic than Jou’s, and in contrast to Jou not really worrying that much about what others think of him, Shuuji believes he’s entitled to everyone’s respect and acts out of fear of abandonment. Of course, the beginning of Part 5 makes it clear why there’s such a huge difference here: instead of a father who was still ultimately supportive despite everything and two older brothers who looked out for him, Shuujii’s father is emotionally abusive, and while his brother doesn’t seem actively condescending per se, he seems to have a sense of resigned apathy and is only driving Shuuji’s inferiority complex in further. (While it wasn’t said in Adventure or 02 that Jou was necessarily concerned about being compared to his older brothers, there was a nuance Jou had a very intimidating “example” set by his university-aged brothers -- but that's also exactly why Shin pulled Jou aside to give him advice in Adventure episode 38.) With the fear of being "abandoned" instilled in him, Shuuji desperately tries to prove to everyone around him that he's capable of being a "leader", but his obsession with trying to force everyone's respect rather than doing anything actually worthy of it only earns him less respect, which he knows...leading to a very bad loop.

Shuuji's behavior of being a well-meaning abuse victim who ends up exhibiting abusive behavior as a maladaptive response to his trauma is unfortunately a very well-known cycle, especially in the way it manifests via his behavior towards Lopmon. In a moment of clarity at the beginning of Part 5, Shuuji does notice that Lopmon's behavior towards him mirrors his own behavior towards his father, but this only results in a slight improvement in their relationship (from “treating him like a disgusting monster” to “overworking him to uncomfortable extents”), with Shuuji treating Lopmon in the exact same way his own father treated him. If you know anything about typical maladaptive trauma behavior, it comes out most prominently when the person in question feels the safest -- when they feel threatened, they shrink under the trauma, and when they feel safe, they try to make use of the control of the situation they’d so desperately been lacking, resulting in them resorting to the only thing they know how to do. So ironically, Shuuji began behaving this way because he actually felt emotionally safer with the kids and with Lopmon than he did at home; in front of his family, he shrank and groveled at his father’s feet, but once he was in a situation he did have an opportunity for respect, he became overly controlling.

In three of the four routes, Shuuji dies a vicious and unfortunate death when his own negativity dark evolves (for lack of a better way to put it) Lopmon and symbolically results in him being destroyed by his own malice, but in the Truthful route, Ryo gives him a good smack in the face to bring him back to his senses. While it's implied that Ryo was in the best position to understand how necessary that was due to having personally experienced trauma himself, at the same time, it's also remarkable just how quickly Shuuji bounces back and completely changes his tune thereafter. In fact, it’s quite unlikely Shuuji himself wanted to be this kind of person, it’s just that this kind of behavior was the only way he knew how to respond. (Note the symbolism of Wendimon himself clearly being in anguish and effectively crying for help even after devouring Shuuji -- he was afraid of his own destructive qualities.) Even if Shuuji wasn’t necessarily dealing with a supernaturally implanted ball of darkness in the back of his neck, it is not entirely off to be making a comparison with Ichijouji Ken.

Shuuji’s role in helping achieve the Truthful outcome happens because he decides to become the Professor’s assistant, meaning that Shuuji is actually incredibly capable and intelligent to the point where his observations help the Professor reach a level of understanding he wouldn’t have been able to otherwise. Shuuji himself says that he decided to start working under the Professor because he wanted an adult’s example to follow, which is important because this is basically Shuuji realizing that the other adults in his life had failed him. For all his father gave him grief for being a bad leader, he wasn’t exactly setting a fantastic example himself about what a good leader should be, and Takuma notes that Shuuji is starting to take on some actual leadership qualities just by being more confident and being more assured of what he wants. Shuuji says that he’ll talk to his father and brother once he gets back, and it’s not entirely clear whether this will go well (personally, I’m willing to put more bets on his brother, whom I imagine is likely to be a victim of their father as much as Shuuji is), but the important part is that this will mean Shuuji asserting himself and what he wants back at his family, pursuing what he wants to do and being a leader figure in his own way, rather than doing things just because his family expects him to.

It took a much longer and much more painful way to get there, but Shuuji was able to come to a forward-thinking conclusion for himself not entirely unlike the one Jou reached at the end of Adventure, which I think is pretty neat.

Kaito and Dracmon, Miu and Syakomon

Kaito and Miu’s character stories are so intertwined that I honestly feel it would be better to combine their sections here (I also know Miu would probably hate this, so I give my deepest apologies to her). Of course, it probably goes without saying that they’re Survive’s parallels to Yamato and Takeru, in the form of an overprotective older brother and a younger sibling who wants to be more independent. However, Yamato and Takeru’s situation was heavily influenced by their family situation, which is very different from Kaito and Miu’s, resulting in some pretty significant differences.

Back in Adventure, Yamato and Takeru’s parents having divorced meant that the brothers only got to see each other once a year (Yamato jokingly compares it to Tanabata in 02 episode 17), and Takeru had gotten his parents to agree to let him join Yamato’s camp despite not even going to his school. Thus, Takeru was openly affectionate with his brother because he was happy to even have the chance to be with him at all, and Yamato was overprotective because he didn’t have very many opportunities to do much for Takeru to begin with. Both of them were still heavily hurt by the divorce and coping with it in ways that were not entirely dissimilar to each other; Yamato started judging his own self-worth by his ability to be independent and via comparisons to other people, and Takeru suppressing everything and pretending he had it together and everything was fine, even when it wasn’t. Yamato derived his self-worth from his overprotectiveness of Takeru because he was afraid of the idea of anyone providing that role better than him (such as Taichi), whereas Takeru’s insistence on independence came from his desire to avoid difficult things and to not hold everyone back.

In Kaito and Miu’s case, the two still live together, but the inciting incident that defined their current relationship was the fallout from Miu being targeted by a stalker and Kaito dealing with him violently, resulting in the family relocating to the countryside and both of them blaming themselves for it; Kaito blames himself for not sufficiently protecting Miu during the incident, whereas Miu blames herself for causing a burden on her family and everyone around her.

While Miu’s desire to be independent and tendency to retreat into escapism reflects Takeru’s, her way of reacting to it is almost the opposite; Takeru responded by trying to present himself as a responsible, mature kid who had everything together, whereas Miu shirks responsibility altogether and sinks herself into occult hobbies and mischief. (It’s for this reason that while Part 4 contains a scenario that greatly calls back to the Princess Mimi subplot from Adventure episode 25, it’s Miu who is the central character instead of Mimi’s actual counterpart Saki, who’s significantly less selfish.) On Kaito’s end, he becomes so obsessed with his role as Miu’s protector that it becomes more about him than it ever becomes about Miu. His description of her as a frail girl at the beginning of the game is horrendously off, and his hot-headedness is to the point where Miu calls him out for defaulting to solving things with violence and using her as a proxy for it. (Yamato did lose his emotional composure enough to start punching Taichi out in Adventure episode 9, but this wasn’t treated as something that would have normally happened if not for the immediate stress of the situation he was in, and his punch on Taichi in 02 episode 10 came from him knowing Taichi would understand what he was intending to do with it, but Kaito going as far as to even slap Miu in Part 9 makes it clear that it’s not really about her as much as it’s Kaito wanting his way in being her “protector”.)

Of course, Kaito’s abrasive nature masks the fact Kaito genuinely does want to be friendly and simply has a hard time expressing it, but when Miu dies in the Harmony route, the despair brings the worst out of him, and his more self-centered stake in the equation ends up taken to its logical conclusion. Having basically centered his entire life around Miu’s existence and his own relation to her, Kaito decides that the entire world can burn for all he cares despite it being very obvious Miu wouldn’t approve of that (and when everyone informs him of this fact, Kaito merely retorts that they don’t have the right to say they know what she would think, as if he would know any better). In the end, Kaito is only barely brought to his senses before being destroyed by what he helped create.

Things end up better for Kaito and Miu on the Moral and Truthful routes, although, interestingly, the problem is not completely solved over the course of the game; Kaito keeps lapsing into overprotective tendencies, but he admits to Takuma that this isn’t good and that he needs to start doing better. Even if Kaito wants to do better, this kind of habit is not going to go away overnight, so it’s important that he keep this in mind going forward, especially since the end of the Moral route has him remind his shadow that he’s not going to be a very good brother to Miu if he ignores the fact she can take care of herself. Miu, on her part, stops shirking responsibility and becomes more aware of her need to not cause more trouble for others; on top of her compassion winning out in Part 4 when she realizes how much her immaturity had been causing others pain, she also starts taking more proactive roles as each route progresses, and the Moral and Truthful routes have her be more willing to admit that she doesn’t want to have a bad relationship with her brother despite everything.

Dracumon has a much more put-together personality than Kaito and is key in getting him to chill and hold back instead of losing his temper, similar to how Kaito is aware that he needs to do better (thus, him completely succumbing to his own despair and selfishness results in him willingly throwing Dracumon out for the sake of more power). Syakomon and Miu are like-minded enough that they have the best relationship among most of the partner pairs in the game, but Syakomon is significantly more down-to-earth and pragmatic, and she serves as a reminder of the responsibility to others Miu knows she’s shirking when she goes off to do things at her own convenience.

Miyuki and Renamon (”Haru”)

Fun fact: Due to Hikari’s natural sensitivity to Digital World-related phenomena and the fact she outright channels “the one who wishes for stability” (novel name: Homeostasis) in Adventure episode 45, quite a few Japanese fans have taken to  calling her a “shrine maiden” (miko), basically comparing her to a Shinto priestess who helps communicate with the gods and convey their will...so, naturally, her Survive counterpart is an actual shrine maiden.

In fact, comparing Hikari and Miyuki is a little difficult, mainly due to the fact their contexts are so different -- the more detailed nuances of Hikari’s characterization didn’t start popping up until 02, and her comparatively short time in Adventure had her with a cold, so she wasn’t exactly in her most optimal condition. Thankfully, if we do retroactively reflect Hikari’s further characterization in 02 back on Adventure (especially since Miyuki seems to be closer to 02!Hikari’s age anyway), Miyuki is actually pretty similar to Hikari’s nature of being bright, assertive, insightful, very put-together, and incredibly selfless. (Also, the scene of her immediately going right to the blackboard and drawing out the relationship between the worlds brings to mind Hikari’s Jogress mockups in 02 episode 28 and her parallel worlds diagram in 02 episode 34.)

As for Miyuki herself, she is at least significantly more willing to be vocal and outspoken about her feelings instead of clamming up to dangerous levels and risking falling into despair about her own welfare like Hikari would (Adventure episode 48, 02 episodes 13 and 31). In addition, the fact she grew up as a “responsible older sister” instead of being in the shadow of an older brother like Taichi means she grew up with the expectation of having responsibility for Akiharu, and her independent streak seems to be in line with that (it’s commented that even despite Akiharu now being much older than her in age, she still seems to have it more together than him). However, being born to the Minase family meant she was trained as a shrine maiden from the very beginning, which ends up causing much more misfortune for her than it does Hikari; Hikari’s sensitivity abilities were more of a “factor” than anything, and her ordeal with Miyako in 02 episode 31 allowed her to assert herself in spite of her special position, but Miyuki understands her role as a shrine maiden to be a duty, which includes considering it her responsibility to sacrifice herself for others and the world if need be. And while Homeostasis ultimately borrowed Hikari’s body after negotiating with her and left after courteously explaining themself, the entity that ends up taking possession of Miyuki for the last few chapters of the game is...decidedly not as benevolent.

Takuma’s initial contact with the “real” Miyuki in Part 8 is very brief (fittingly, it’s during the chapter he has contact with the real world, like with Taichi’s brief visit and meeting with Hikari in Adventure episode 21), but it’s enough to convince him that she should be considered a trusted friend worth saving, which puts him a bit at odds with the others for a short time after his return. Unfortunately, Miyuki remains somewhat of a damsel-in-distress for most of the rest of the game, and in two of the four routes (Wrathful and Harmony) she unceremoniously dies when the route’s main antagonist absorbs her. On the flip side, however, she becomes extremely instrumental in saving everyone in the Moral and Truthful routes, and is also granted a way home and a much happier future with her brother.

Interestingly, the parallel continues with Miyuki’s partner Renamon having a very “complicated” relationship with her partner and with loyalties or morality in a similar way to Hikari’s partner Tailmon-- but in an inverted sense. Other than the obvious partnership reasons, Tailmon’s absolute loyalty to Hikari came from a past lifetime of bitterness gained from blackmail and abuse on Vamdemon’s part, so it’s only natural that she jumped ship at the opportunity and took the chance to be with someone who would treat her with love. (She did initially start off on a bit more of an abrasive note with the other Digimon, most notably setting Gomamon off with her attitude in Adventure episode 45, but she eventually settled in.) Renamon is the opposite; her absolute loyalty to Miyuki and desire to be the one to make her happy (even to the point of taking the form of someone she hates) results in her stooping as low as trickery, betrayal, and submitting herself to an abusive master just for the chance to get Miyuki back (and, more selfishly, to prove that her bond with Miyuki means something, in the sense that she can’t stand the idea of anyone being more important to Miyuki than herself). It's an interesting contrast where, in both cases, the arguably most morally upright person in the group has a partner who ends up most closely associated with questionable morality, but it also goes to show you that even the best of intentions can end up with very bad results when sufficiently pointed in the wrong direction.

Professor (Akiharu)

Every Digimon series needs a designated infodump character to unpack what’s going on with the worldbuilding and all, and back in Adventure Koushirou was the main bearer of this role -- in fact, he was so important that he ended up constantly showing up in 02 despite not technically being a part of the advertised main cast. At first, it seems as if the Professor really is mostly just this, and it’s initially even questionable how helpful of one he’ll be when it seems like he’s died at the end of Part 3. But not only does the Professor return to provide more info behind what’s going on, he also ends up becoming instrumental to determining the difference between the endings, because whether he’s present or not and how much he’s learned become the biggest influencing factors on the outcome. (The Harmony route involves the gate being opened much less aggressively than in the Wrathful route, but it’s implied things still had a worse outcome than they did in the Truthful route because the Professor wasn’t able to be there anymore to give any guidance, and the Moral route has everyone seal off the gate because him never uncovering the truth behind the Master meant they destroyed it and thus the system that gave the boundary between worlds any stability.)

The Truthful route happens thanks to the chain reaction of Ryo saving Shuuji and Shuuji becoming the Professor’s assistant, allowing him to more effectively dig up the truth regarding the Four Holy Beasts, the Master, and Haruchika -- hence why it’s called the “truthful” route, not simply in terms of being a “true ending”, but also in terms of it being the ending where the truth behind it all was revealed. Through flashbacks and eventually some outright statements, we learn that as even as a kid, Akiharu actually had quite a bit in common with Koushirou, in terms of being timid and deferential yet bursting with intellectual curiosity and a desire to know more. Back in Adventure, Koushirou managed to uncover some very important things about the Digital World thanks to the fact he actively pursued anything he was interested in, and while Akiharu spending his life studying the Kemonogami might initially seem to be his way of coping with the traumatic loss of his sister and memories, he tells Garurumon in the Truthful route that it was simply his encounter with him that inspired him to learn more and teach others.

The ending of the Truthful route draws parallels between the siblings Haruchika and Yukiha with their descendants Haru and Miyuki, but their situations are reversed; Haruchika was the one “abandoned” by his sister, whereas Miyuki was “abandoned” back in the Digital World when she sent her brother back, and thus the Master attempts to claim Miyuki as someone who should sympathize with him only to find that she bears absolutely none of the malice he does. And like Yukiha, Akiharu doesn’t give up on finding his sibling again and eventually manages to do so, despite going through trauma and memory loss (and some scorn from the scientific community) to get there. On the flip side, Garurumon ends up bearing the emotional pain of being left behind, but in the Moral and Truthful routes he can’t bring himself to hold the grudge for too long once it becomes clear Akiharu really didn’t mean for that to happen. In the end, despite all the trouble that happened between Akiharu, Miyuki, Garurumon, and Renamon, none of them were able to hold onto their grudges, and that’s what eventually allows them to save Haruchika from his own.

Haruchika

You might be wondering, wait, what, this guy? Well, you see, in the Truthful route we find out that he was a sacrifice for others to have power, and he decided to take out his feelings of betrayal out on the world and bring it down with him. Now how does that correlate to anything in Adventure --

-- oh, okay.

I’m sure a lot of Adventure fans who finished the Truthful route were probably at least able to figure out the parallel overall, but inspecting it closely reveals there’s even more than you might think -- Haruchika is deliberately drawn as a parallel to Akiharu in a sort of Survive equivalent to a “fallen Chosen Child”, and his laments rather parallel Apocalymon’s “we wanted to live and speak of friendship, justice, and love!” And in the Moral route version of things, the Master forces the kids to go through trials of overcoming their darkest feelings and reaffirming how far they’ve come, quite similar to the reaffirmations in Adventure episode 53.

Fortunately for Haruchika, his much deeper contextual relation to Survive’s story and themes (and therefore sympathetic qualities) allow him to be saved and to pass on properly with Yukiha, which certainly beats going out in a failed suicide bombing. Adventure, as a sort of pioneer for Digimon works thereafter, had Apocalymon serve as the “inhibitor of evolution” compared to Adventure’s “story of evolution”, but Survive, which spends more time examining what a Digimon partner even is in the first place, thus has Haruchika represent more of a challenge to what the Survive kids learn to find and what ultimately saves Haruchika himself in the end: as the theme song says, turning hatred into love. Haruchika himself is said to be the first to have realized that bonds between humans and Digimon made each other stronger -- basically being the inventor of Digimon partnerships in this universe -- only for him to end up succmbing to his own hatred and the malice of the world.

Also, when you really think about it, the Master is the closest thing you can say to entities that “chose” the kids as the Survive equivalent of Chosen Children -- at least, in the sense that their distortions dragged the kids into the Digimon world in order to prey on them. Homeostasis and the Agents were still guilty of dragging Adventure’s Chosen Children into the Digital World and not really giving them good explanations, but Homeostasis rather courteously explains in Adventure episode 45 that they were doing it out of desperation for lack of many other options. However, Homeostasis also made it clear that they didn’t have many abilities on their own besides housekeeping, and that the kids would have to be the one to figure the rest out on their own (the novels clarify that it’s really nothing more than a security system), whereas the Master does pose himself in a deity-like position and even has the entire stability of the Digital World depend on him -- it’s just that they’re also quite the opposite of cooperative. So in both cases, regardless of the initial circumstances, the groups involved had to solve the problem on their own will.

[the-art-of-sanshoku]

Manga Recommendations from Things I Read in 2023

I wanted to make an end of the year post highlighting things I read last year and want others to know about! I tried focusing on manga that don't have anime adaptions (although a few of these are getting ones soon) and covering a variety of genres. Anyway, let's get right into it with:

Ikoku Nikki (Tomoko Yamashita)

Status: Complete, 54 Chapters, unlicensed - complete fan translation (Note: When I say something is licensed or not this only refers to having an English release.)

Genre: Josei, SOL, Drama

Synopsis: After the loss of her parents, 15 year old Asa finds herself in the custody of her aunt Makio Koudai. Makio, the introverted novelist, has no experience with children but will do what she can for Asa.

While this isn’t an ordered list I will start with what is probably my favorite manga I read this year. Ikoku Nikki is a very cathartic read for me as there are a lot of adult characters who are just trying to figure things out (although this also applies to the teen characters, but it’s just more relatable with the characters closer to my age). Figuring out how to like yourself even when you don’t fit to society's “norms”, figuring out how to process traumas from growing up that still affect you well into your 20s and 30s and beyond, figuring out how to love others, figuring out who “you” even are.  And it’s written and worded so lovely and deliberately that sometimes it says something and just puts into words a feeling you’ve had for forever but were never able to express and all of a sudden it just makes sense.

The cast is diverse and I think everyone can find someone to relate to. There are neurodiverse characters, and characters that widely spread the LGBTQIA + spectrum. But they don’t feel trope-y or anything, they’re just well fleshed out and well realized people. Ikoku Nikki just has a very “understanding” vibe that is just comforting to read and be seen by media. In a way it was a little of a life changing (life affirming?) read for me and I highly recommend it to anyone, and I pray it gets an official English release in the future so I can add it to my collection and support the author properly.

Tenkaichi: Nihon Saikyou Bugeisha Ketteisen (Yousuke Nakamaru & Kyoutarou Azuma)

Status: Releasing, 32 Chapters, unlicensed - ongoing fan translation

Genre: Action, Battle Royale, Seinen

Synopsis: 16 historical figures participate in a grandiose tournament of 1v1 battles to determine Nobunaga’s successor

On the opposite end of the manga spectrum we have Tenkaichi, which is just a very fun read. And sometimes I feel kind of crazy how little I’ve seen this talked about online by anyone, as it’s a super quality battle manga. It feels like a manga written by battle manga lovers for battle manga lovers, and in the author’s notes you can see this to be true. They love unpredictable battles with over the top powers and larger than life characters and they deliver. Tenkaichi lacks a “main character” so every fight feels like either side could win and I have even been surprised by a few outcomes of the battles. And even without a main character, the characters that exist are just super cool and easy to pick one to root for. They also usually become a bit more fleshed out via backstories so they’re not super shallow either. The art, paneling, and character designs are also really good, if you like fighting manga at all check this out.

Medalist (Ikada Tsuruma)

Status: Releasing, 36 Chapters, licensed 

Genre: Sports, Drama, Seinen

Synopsis: A cinnamon roll coach and his cinnamon roll student aim to make her a gold medalist level skater

Medalist is a classic underdog story that is really elevated by its superb main characters and art. Inori and Tsukasa are a very silly and endearing duo, but are also incredibly dedicated and hardworking that make them impossible not to root for. Their relationship and belief in each other really forms the core of the manga. The art can be really funny with silly faces, but also really intense and beautiful to capture the figure skating and emotions of the skaters pouring their blood, sweat, and tears into their work. Each competition feels really thrilling and has you on the edge of your seat, and it does a good job of getting into the specifics of the scoring so you can follow along. It’s inspirational in the way that great sports manga are, it just makes you want to work hard to become someone you can be proud of.

Souboutei Kowasubeshi (Kazuhiro Fujita)

Status: Complete, 250 Chapters, unlicensed - complete fan translation

Genre: Supernatural, Horror, Action, Shounen

Synopsis: A lovecraftian mansion poses a threat to Japan. To handle this, a team of supernatural/paranormal/spiritual experts are sent in along with - a scrungly artist?

Kazuhiro Fujita is a mangaka that I feel is super underrated in the west. Despite getting anime adaptations of 2 of his works in Ushio to Tora and Karakuri Circus (although the Karakuri adaption was not the best unfortunately), I feel that these were overlooked and he doesn’t really get talked about. Which is a shame because I think he’s a really great mangaka. He’s been around since the 90’s, and you can tell through his artstyle and storytelling style. Despite Souboutei coming out in 2016 it still feels very old school shounen, but this isn’t a bad thing at all. Fujita’s manga are full of heart and his artwork really exaggerates faces and body language to communicate the character’s feelings. I like his manga a lot because from the start it will often tell you “the big bad” and the whole manga will build up this antagonist until a satisfying end and climax. It doesn’t introduce new threats, or powerscale indefinitely, or pad its runtime with unnecessary filler, it starts - brings you through an emotional rollercoaster of twists and turns - and then ends.

Souboutei is no different in this regard. It builds and builds on the primary antagonist (in this case the mansion of Souboutei) and its mysteries to make a journey full of intrigue where you want to keep turning the page to find out more. The mansion is also a great setting that becomes a character in its own right, a twisting labyrinth full of malice and various horrors. Fujita also always makes a unique cast of characters with varied motivations, ages, character designs, and abilities that make each memorable and likeable. Fujita also likes to make every little detail count and sometimes add to the main plot where you least expect. Being a shounen there’s also plenty of action, and his battles feel creative and the abilities are inventive to make for some exciting fights. Souboutei has a bonus for the main character being an artist and having large themes on passion and creation and “what is art” that gave me an extra layer of enjoyment. Also it must be said that Sakamaki Deido would totally be a hit as a tumblr sexyman if this manga had any fanbase at all. But whether you read Souboutei or one of his other works, I hope you give Fujita a try.

Rojica to Rakkasei (Kinome)

Status: Complete, 25 Chapters, unlicensed - has complete fan translation

Genre: Fantasy, Comedy, SOL, Seinen

Synopsis: The titular characters Rojica and Rakka spend wacky days in their wacky world.

Rojica to Rakkasei is a breath of fresh air with a fantasy world that’s just plain weird and unique. A lot of manga fantasy lately feel like derivative goblins and dragons and slimes type worlds in medieval european-esque settings. Not Rojica though, it kind of feels almost like surreal and absurdist manga, but doesn’t go quite that far so it’s easier to follow as a series of episodic adventures. It’s a short, creative read that I enjoyed from start to finish. 

Witch Hat Atelier (Kamome Shirahama)

Status: Releasing, 74 Chapters, licensed

Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Drama, SOL, Seinen

Synopsis: In this world there are people born as witches who can wield magic to help others. Or at least that’s what the world is made to think. After one fateful day, ordinary girl Coco, will learn the truth behind magic and become a witch apprentice.

Speaking of refreshing fantasy worlds, Witch Hat Atelier is a wonderful manga with great worldbuilding and setting. The “magic system” used in the manga is unique and feels very naturally woven into the world and society. This magic is harshly regulated and has many rules of its use, but Witch Hat Atelier lives by the creed “restrictions breed creativity” to create interesting solutions to difficult scenarios. The characters are delightful, focusing more on a younger cast of aspiring and bright girls who aim to become witches proper. Their struggles to make a magic unique to them and find their own voice in society make them a relatable bunch. Kamome Shirahama’s artsyle and paneling is also to die for, I love just looking at this manga. This manga isn’t all just school life and rainbows though, there’s a dark undercurrent to the story in the form of the antagonists the “Brim Hats” that bring some extra excitement and thrill to the story as well.  Just a brilliant manga. Also the only manga with my little meow meow Qifrey

Orb: On the Movements of the Earth (Uoto)

Status: Complete, 62 Chapters, recently licensed

Genre: Historical, Drama, Seinen

Synopsis: We’re studying heliocentrism! But it’s the 1400s…

A manga that really touched me on its themes of legacy, and passing knowledge down to new generations. This manga focuses on the secret studies of those who look at the stars and dare to challenge the current knowledge of the world. It takes place in Poland, which is a rather unique setting, in the 1400s. The constant threat of the inquisitors is felt at all times and our characters are left to question if this pursuit of knowledge is worth the weight of risk. What is the worth of my life? What is my purpose? What does it mean to be fulfilled? Philosophical, romantic (in a literary sense), and profound, this manga stands out among the crowd.

Futari Ashita mo Sorenari ni (Suzuyuki)

Status: Complete, 87 Chapters, recently licensed

Genre: Romance, Comedy, SOL, Seinen

Synopsis: Long term couple moves in together - fluff ensues

This is likely my favorite romance manga as it is one of the few to depict fluffy domestic life with your partner. Finding manga that deal with established relationships can be hard, but to find one about a healthy romance where the characters just live together and love each other and feel like adults and not the blushy “oooh she h-hh-holding my hand??” teenager mentality is a super fresh and nice thing to read (although I like those kinds of romances too, it’s just a bit oversaturated of a market comparatively). It’s a feel good romcom SOL with pretty much zero drama which some people may not like, but it had me grinning from ear to ear like a madman the whole time. If you like cute domestic fluff it’s a must read. Doesn’t overstay its welcome and has a great ending.

I have some more manga I want to talk about, but this post is pretty long so there will maybe be a part 2 ^.^

[vidreview]

VIDEO ESSAY ROUNDUP #2 [PART 1]

[originally posted november 14 2023. NOTE: while migrating the archive from cohost i've discovered that tumblr has a 10 link-block limit, which means i have to split some of these roundups up in order to maintain the embeds. we love websites don't we folks]

hello from the pits of november! between random youtube recommendations and time spent trawling through cohost's video essay tag, i've discovered a lot of bangers this month. so let's just jump in!

"Why Does Attack of the Clones Look Like a Video Game?" by Empire Wreckers.

this is a fresh take on one of the internet's oldest, most time-honored traditions: complaining about the stars wars prequels. fresh in the sense that creator Edan has worked in hollywood VFX, and so brings an eye for hyper-specific details that you'll be amazed you never noticed before. clean, no-nonsense presentation full of surprising insights. immediately after finishing this video i then watched "How Bad Movies Are Made feat. The Rise of Skywalker" whose thesis that "bad movies aren't made on purpose" yields to a refreshingly nuanced perspective on exactly why the third star wars sequel was such a mess without resorting to droll hyperbole about JJ Abrams being a hack or whatever. these are great examples of materialist media criticism, in that they are as much a criticism of the production pipeline as they are the finished product. after watching these videos, i actually think that any other perspective on these later Star Wars is… kind of missing the forest for the trees? impressive stuff all around.

"women who wish they were 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐛𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐬: an analysis" by Costanza Polastri.

a quick and honest overview of how straight women often misunderstand the nature of lesbian relationships, thinking them somehow free of the conflict they experience in heterosexual ones. the insight that "you don't want a girlfriend, you just want men to be better" reminded me of when i admitted to having a crush on a cisfem friend shortly after coming out as trans, only for her to get mad at me and end our friendship because "i told you i'm not a lesbian and it's frustrating that everyone mistakes me for one!" this was before i'd even decided on Sarah as my preferred name. she was more invested in my newfound femininity than i was! anyway, Costanza Polastri has an enjoyable screen presence and brings a really interesting perspective to the table-- and in pretty short videos, to boot! not an easy feat by any stretch.

"A real history of video games | Pay to Win" by Jimmy McGee.

an essential deep dive into how the history of the modern video game industry is inextricable from the history of legal gambling. if you think you know how bad it is, trust me, it's so much weirder and more frustrating than you thought. Jimmy McGee is doing some really great stuff on his channel, providing an honest materialist perspective on media analysis that i've found sorely lacking. "The AI Revolution is Rotten to the Core" digs past the obvious criticisms of AI and LLM mania into the much more pressing question of what we, as a society, value in our art. for something shorter, i also recommend "The Dream of the Internet", about the war on the internet archive and why it's such an essential pillar of the open web.

"I Played EVERY Star Fox Game… Here's What I Learned" by wizawhat.

starfox 64 has been my favorite video game since i was a child, so naturally one of my favorite genres of youtube video is "Let's All Gawk At All The Ways Nintendo Has Catastrophically Mishandled The Franchise." wizawhat does a good job giving each game its due, mostly avoiding hyperbole while still acknowledging that picking favorites in a history this checkered is an inherently emotional, subjective process. the highest praise i can give to entries into this genre is that i was nodding along violently the whole time AND actually learned a lot of stuff i didn't know before, which i genuinely didn't think was possible! his other video "I Miss the Old Nintendo" is the closest i've seen anyone else come to really hammering home why i've soured so hard against nintendo over the last few years, despite having been a nintendo defender most of my life. my only complaint is that he uses some hack corporate language at times ("content" instead of "media," "consumers" instead of "audiences," etc), but i'm gonna dig deeper into that in a dedicated vidrev another time.

"Why We Can't Stop Mapping Elden Ring" by Ren or Raven.

a great little exploration of what maps in games do, and what they mean in an era of video games dominated by post-release patches and balance tuning. i'll be brief here because i've got a full length vidrev queued up for this one too, but it's worth stating that creator Renata Price is a games writer who has turned to video essays after being laid off by Vice earlier this year. as the first entry in a presumed corpus by an experienced critic from a very different critical tradition, i find this video exciting because it's an opportunity to study how the medium affects one's message. right now it feels like Renata Price doesn't quite know how to take full advantage of the video part of the video essay just yet, and that's a great place to start from. i just find it to be such a privilege when you get to watch someone grow their craft in real time!

"Death and Thriving - Discussing 920 London" by Wolf Witch.

just a solid textual analysis of the graphic novel 920 London, Remy Boydell's followup to their devastating prior book The Pervert. digs into serious questions about the death drive, and whether or not people can change or recover from trauma. not much else to say except that Wolf Witch is on Cohost doing speedruns of Snake Farm. Snake Farm rules! support your local Snarmers today!

"That one speedrun where you change your gender" by Minoan.

an astonishing little coming-out video in the form of a Dark Souls 2 speedrun tech overview. i don't have much to say about this one except that it put a huge smile on my face and gave me some serious vicarious gender joy. i love the sound of trans women's voices!!!

[miniscrew-anon]

Psst hey hi, how about a perspective flip for your beloved miniscrew fic?

Mwah mwah (rodent anon on computer so no rodent emoji)

WOW I haven't touched this thing since May of 2022. But of course, my dear Rodent - anything for you (i do miss your little rat face tho)

-----

Shadow lets himself into the basement as he always does; loudly and without hesitation. Honestly, it's a small miracle he hasn’t been caught by anyone yet.

"So," He starts, "I have this fantasy."

Shadow has always enjoyed pushing his luck. There’s nothing quite like getting a good reaction out of his unsuspecting (or very suspecting, in this case) victim. It gives him a little thrill, knowing that he’s gotten under someone’s skin. He’s well practiced at keeping people off balance with a healthy dose of sharp wit and snark. He knows how to subvert the normal ebb and flow of conversation, how to slip into what people think are well-defended angles. 

Sometimes it’s easy - the stuck-up or straight-laced are always easy targets. But the best are the ones he has to work at. 

Rain is one of those. He’s nearly perfected that poker face of his; that deadpan, unassuming look of perpetual neutrality. So good that to the naked eye, he seems contradictory. Withdrawn, but involved. Uncaring, but opinionated. Mild, but sharp-tongued. 

Maybe that’s why they meshed so well - Four was water, and Shadow the ever-shifting container. 

To prove it, Shadow invites himself into Four’s personal space. Only for Four to flow around him, like a river altering its course to make space for a boulder. He doesn't clash or grate, he gives.

It’s nice. 

Most people don’t give in, don’t make space for all of Shadow's eccentricities. Or if they do they gripe and bellyache over what a sacrifice it is to deal with him. What a pain he is. They prefer to pick and choose what parts of him they allow, and which parts to ignore or even cut away. Plenty of people have tried to change Shadow. Plenty more have just given up on him. 

Four just meets him in the middle, for better or for worse. Like now, for instance. When he turns around and surprises Shadow, taking him to his knees with words alone. 

Four takes all of Shadow’s nonsense (all of himself) in stride. Gauges him in a second, reads everything under the surface. Sees the joke, the punchline, the underling want and all the things Shadow himself doesn’t recognize and gives back exactly what's needed and not what’s asked. He doesn't push nor pull, just exists and settles around Shadows cracks and crevasses. A tease, some attention, and a quiet moment. Some silence and a small break from Shadow's own mind, from a stressful, loud day.

Four doesn't know what happened today. Shadow didn't tell him and Four won't ask. He doesn't need to.

Shadow moans and groans when Four backs out of his space, a hair's breadth from his lips, but he’s satisfied. Sex between them is unnecessary. Four occasionally offers, and Shadow will always accept, but it’s not a foundation of their relationship. Hell, it’s not even a pillar. They could never take off their clothes, never kiss or touch each other's skin again, and Shadow would be just as happy.

(Although he won’t say no the sex swing idea - that shit sounds fun!)

-----

Brain tired and so this came out a lot more introspective than I thought it would. Somehow I think I have the opposite problem that Stormy does - I have a hard time writing from Shadow's POV but an easy time with Four.

Four & Shadow relationship ramble time:

Those two are so complicated to put to words sometimes. Not knowing the backstory or what drove them together makes for a very unique challenge sometimes. I have to make a lot of assumptions and keep things vague but I feel like at their core their relationship is built around mutual understanding but also mutual acceptance.

Shadow, I think, isn't a super good person at his core. And not like Dark where he was forced to do evil shit. I think a part of Shadow chooses to be that way. That he lacks the empathy that most of the cast has. He's selfish and enjoys pissing people off in a very unkind way. He might even go out of his way to do something cruel just to get a rise out of someone if he's in a mood. He's chaotic neutral - he does what he does in the moment that'll give him the most gratification.

In my mind he's never had unconditional love and I think that's something he struggles with in his relationship with Four. It doesn't come easily to him to he has to actually try. And he does because he wants to for Four. Because Four is the only one in the world who Shadow really cares for with his whole heart.

Four, at his core, is a good person. He'll make a sacrifice to help someone out. He'll go out of his way. But Shadow doesn't have that instinct. He'll always choose himself over anyone else when in the heat of the moment. And that causes quite a bit of tension when they get put into Situations.

Shadow has to fight his base instincts for Four. He wouldn't do it for anyone else in the world (maybe Dark - WIP in progress a lil about that) but for Four he'd do anything. Including maybe working behind Four's back to do shady shit for what he thinks is to Fours benefit.

Four, on his part, knows that Shadow is kinda shady and a real asshole. Kind of even a bad person. But he's okay with it despite everything. Which is one of the major reasons they work.

(for now, anyway. Maybe its something that's going to have to be resolved one day.)

[illyrianbitch]

10, 23, 36 !!! from the writing task <3

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

okay my answer tends to surprise people so i just wanna say im a SUCKER for yearning and longing and realistic relationships, like ones where you see them grow alone & together. my top 3 tropes are:

friend to lovers, second chance romance, and.... exes to lovers.

friends to lovers will always hit for me, the realizations, the way they know each other so well, that fear to ruin that friendship. as for second chance/exes, i just LOVE a well-done second chance romance (so many of my wips are this). the longing? the knowing them so deeply? having that chance with them presented again? and then EXES to lovers?? amazing. as long as the breakup wasnt cheating. the desire to want to start again? to fix everything that went wrong? the memories of how they felt? how you loved them? realizing everything has changed except how you loved them?

i also have to put lovers to enemies. im an angst girly at my core and that is my FAVORITE angst. even childhood best friends to enemies ugh. i love. (the question asking for my fav three and i just gave 5, whoops)

23. Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

i will admit i struggle with both. dialogue tends to be easier for me to format bc i love banter/convos, but its hard to start off with dialogue because then it feels like theres TOO much. and it can be easy to depend on dialogue to reveal/progress the story without any other work. i do love descriptions but im such a yapper that i feel like i either over describe things or theres no description and they're just floating heads talking

thanks for asking my sweet anon <3

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

its a good mix of my favorite books, songs, poems, and just things i think of to myself. i do love Death and His Reaper because it was such a simple, pretty, and fitting title. i do love What We Make of What We're Made because it just sounds nice saying it ahaha and i have an unpublished related part called The Mother Will Send What She May which i adore too.

tbh the titles are sometimes my favorite part.

thank you for asking <3