#i think he never expected how difficult it would be to LIVE through the sacrifice

[asideoftrashplease]

Detangling JC, his motivations, & his feelings on WWX (i)

JC and WWX have a very fraught history, and while WWX’s role as the narrator makes it very clear what his feelings towards JC are, JC’s feelings towards WWX and motivations seem a lot murkier. He goes from treating WWX as a brother, to mounting a siege in a concerted attempt to take his life. His actions and motivations in the aftermath of WWX’s resurrection are also subject to interpretation. This meta provides argument for my interpretation of his feelings and motivations throughout these events.

LOVE AND BROTHERHOOD

It is clear from the outset that JC cared deeply about WWX (I wish I did not have to make a case for this because it should be obvious, but there are some who believe that JC did not love WWX). Although he holds bitterness and resentment towards WWX due to his family situation and their rivalry, he cares about WWX and is protective of him. This shines through especially in times of mortal peril. 

When WWX was trapped in the Xuanwu cave, he travelled without stopping to find people to rescue WWX. The trip should have taken 10 days, but because he drove himself to exhaustion in his desperation to save WWX, he only took 7 days.

When WWX is in danger of being discovered by the Wens after the burning of Lotus Pier, he uses himself as bait to draw them away from WWX despite the risk to his own life, which eventually leads to his capture and the loss of his core.

SO WHERE DID THINGS GO WRONG

Things started to take a turn after the Sunshot Campaign. I believe a few key events caused resentment and confusion to build and grow in JC over time:

WWX’s refusal to carry his sword, which put political pressure on YMJ

His decision to break out the Wen Remnants, without consulting or informing JC, with put more pressure on YMJ

His decision to defect from YMJ, effectively (in JC’s mind) picking the Wens over YMJ and his brotherhood with JC

His actions at Qiongqi Path which killed JZX — while we know from WWX’s POV what happened, JC and JYL have no idea what went down except from the claims of the surviving Jin cultivators

His attack on the 4000 cultivators at the Nightless City, which ultimately cost JYL’s life

It’s evident that JC is increasingly bewildered, angered, and hurt by WWX’s actions. It’s clear that he’s confused, and just CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY WWX IS ACTING THIS WAY. All the while, resentment is building in him that he has to clean up WWX’s messes, all while WWX’s actions undermine him as a leader and brings up childhood insecurities and jealousies. But his love for WWX drives him to continually stand by WWX and believe in him — even grudgingly, complainingly, and with growing resentment. Even up to the attack at the Nightless City, even after JZX’s death, he still seems to believe in WWX.

This last event, the attack at the Nightless City, seems to be the turning point where he stops believing in WWX, so I want to cover this particular event in more detail:

A “pledge conference” is being attended by QHN, GSL, LLJ, and YMJ. This conference is a ceremonial affair, centered around their pledge to eradicate WWX and the Wen remnants. It begins with them honoring the fallen with a toast, but while the other three sect leaders make the toasts, JC goes through the motions of the toast with visible unhappiness, and then conspicuously says nothing to honor the dead.

I feel this action needs to be understood in the context of the ceremony. They are standing in the Nightless City, where their comrades died in the final battle to take down QSW, a battle which WWX contributed to greatly. They are pouring the wine on the ground where the bodies lie to honor the fallen: “Here we honor our fallen. Rest in peace.” (Uncontroversial) “Now in the name of our fallen, we will eliminate the Wens who killed them — and the Yiling Patriarch!” (Controversial because WWX was brother in arms to these soldiers, and JGS is stirring shit because he wants the Yin Tiger Seal.)

JC knows the controversial bit is coming, so while the other sect leaders one by one say things like “rest in peace” and “may they live on” he dumps the wine on the ground and refuses to say anything. He is the only one, of the four with cups, who does not speak.

When WWX appears, the others all draw their weapons, but JC reaction is different: “JC’s pupils shrunk. Blue veins lined the back of his hand.” From this sentence alone, it may not seem clear what he’s feeling, but based on the rest of his actions in this scene, I would guess that he’s shocked and appalled that WWX would dare to appear before such a large and hostile mob, A MOB THAT IS CURRENTLY PLEDGING TO KILL HIM AND SCATTER HIS ASHES, thus recklessly and what seems like arrogantly endangering his own life.

After an increasingly hostile exchange between WWX and the mob, JGS calls for everyone to set up the battle arrays to seal WWX in, with the intention of killing him there. But when WWX calls up the corpses buried under them to defend himself, it’s stated that all the sects were in disarray, except for YMJ, which seems to indicate that WWX’s corpses were not attacking the YMJ delegation — and the YMJ cultivators were not fighting the corpses either.

This all seems to indicate that despite JZX’s death, despite the fact that JC has NO FUCKING CLUE what the hell happened at Qiongqi Path, despite the fact that he’s no doubt been fed lies and biased reports from the surviving Jin cultivators, and despite the fact that WWX is currently unleashing an undead army on all of them — he still believes that there’s another side of the story. He doesn’t even know WHAT that story is, but he believes in WWX— grudgingly, and with growing disbelief, confusion, and incredulity—  he still believes, BLINDLY, in WWX.

THE TURNING POINT

In the ensuing chaos, JYL is killed, and WWX finally snaps in his grief, unleashing a hellish and completely uncontrolled bloodbath upon the assembled cultivators. It is estimated that this killed three thousand people, severely decimating the cultivation world’s population.

The siege begins after this attack, and we know from the prologue that the siege was headed by JC, and that he was the one behind key tactical maneuvers (designed using his intimate knowledge of WWX’s weaknesses) that allowed them to eventually sack the Burial Mounds. In the aftermath, he was the main person credited by the cultivation world for the defeat of the Yiling Patriarch. When WWX meets JL at Dafan, he corroborates this by revealing, through the narration, that JGS was the second-biggest contributor to the siege — after JC, who was the biggest contributor.

I know that there are other popular interpretations of JC’s motivations here. I will name two:

He participated in the siege only due to political pressure — after what WWX did at the Nightless City, he couldn’t NOT condemn him or the cultivation world would have turned on YMJ too

He participated in the siege hoping to take WWX alive and bring him back home to discipline privately

But I don’t subscribe to either of these interpretations. I believe he FULLY intended to kill WWX. Firstly, if he was only participating in the siege due to political pressure, why contribute so vitally to the siege, why take a leading role and design tactical maneuvers to bring WWX down? He could have just done as he’d done previously, which was to participate perfunctorily in “opposition” against WWX, but contributing as little as possible, or nothing at all.

Secondly, some may argue that he was trying to capture WWX alive. But before this, he had always given the impression of being extremely cautious, to the point of inaction when maybe action would have been better. JC is VERY risk-averse. His characterization before the siege is that he’d rather do nothing than do something even potentially risky. The intention of everyone else was to kill WWX, NOT to capture him. As such, the risk that WWX would be killed in battle is extremely high. Even if by some miracle, he managed to capture WWX alive despite the best efforts of everyone else to murder him, it would be really difficult to stop the other sects from executing him, and getting permission to take him home and keep him under house arrest. It would be a safer bet to try to sabotage the siege from the inside, which is not what he did. In fact, he did the opposite. He was leading the siege viciously and with intent.

So I believe that he fully intended to kill WWX, which means the turning point was JYL’s death. Up to her death, JC still believed in WWX. After her death, however, the very last we see of him is him clutching JYL’s body, completely in shock, having not yet processed her death. I believe his last words to WWX should hint to us what caused the snap from blind faith to blind hatred. These words were: “Didn’t you say you could control it?! Didn’t you say it would be fine?!” To which WWX (who is having 99 fucking breakdowns all at once) finally admits that he was wrong, and that he can’t actually control it.

My belief is that this incident made JC realize that JYL’s death (and JZX’s as well) was largely caused by WWX’s loss of control over his demonic cultivation, and IMPORTANTLY, JC’s inaction re: WWX’s method of cultivation and his seeming descent into violent radicalism. Despite all the warning signs, the growing escalations, the increasingly violent confrontations with increasingly large death tolls— he continued to believe in WWX, even when he could no longer understand or predict WWX’s actions. Everyone told him “you need to reign him in” “he’s going off the rails” “he’s a danger to us all” and JC didn’t take them seriously because he BELIEVED IN and TRUSTED WWX.

And now his sister is dead, his month-old nephew is an orphan, and WWX has massacred three thousand people in a single night, likely including members of YMJ, in a total loss of control and conscience. I think that was the turning point, the crux of the betrayal.

I believed in you. I defended you. I stuck my neck out for you. But you scorned my help. You rejected and discarded me. You betrayed my trust.

You don’t give a shit about me.

You don’t give a shit about anyone else.

I BELIEVED in you, and YOU BETRAYED ME.

—

NOTE: Right now this meta is getting a little long, so I think this is a good place to maybe cut it in thirds? Part II should cover the siege, WWX’s death, and the 13 years in between, and Part III should cover JC’s actions and motivations after WWX’s resurrection. As the next parts have not been written, I can’t link it! But when Part II is done, I will edit the post to include a link below the cut:

[Part 2 is still in progress!]

[inlovewithpandora]

- Let Me In -

Pairing: Hobie x fem!Spider!reader

Request: [ 🎸 anon ] Hello! I have a request for a Hobie x reader:) | If you are okay with it (it's ok if not!) can you do a comfort fic where reader is struggling with suicidal thoughts + self harm and they haven't really been taking care of themselves properly and is just always thinking they shouldn't be alive ect. Then one day Hobie comes to their house through their bedroom window (who needs doors?) but he finds them in their bathroom abt to self harm and comforts them.

Synopsis: Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers was making living day to day difficult for you so you begin to wonder if you should take matters into your own hands and end your suffering.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, suicidal thoughts, act of self-harm (and lightly descriptive) mention of blood, mention of scars and wounds, crying, reader struggling with depression/illness, Hobie comforting reader and being there for her

If any of the content above makes you uncomfortable please DNI!!!

Author’s Note: Thank you for sending this req in! I hope you enjoy and that it meets your expectations! This was a really good request and I enjoyed writing it even though my heart was breaking for reader. Let me know what you think by sending an anonymous ask or comment if you feel comfortable!

Word Count: 1.1k

Extra: Requests are open! Please read rules before requesting! || Likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated❤️! Links: Navigation || Atsv Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Taglist

As you sit on the rim of your bathtub, you couldn’t help but look at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was scattered across your head, your eyes were sunken and puffy, and your body was covered with old battle wounds from fighting different evils of the universe, but the most fresh scars were the ones that adorned your arms.

Being Spiderwoman hasn't been an easy task for you. The sacrifice, dedication, and having to turn your life upside down to accommodate your powers were making living day to day difficult for you. Coming home with fresh wounds every night began to take a physical and mental toll on your health. The stress and pressure of protecting the city of Brooklyn was starting to become too much. You wanted to talk to Hobie, but you didn’t want to worry him with your problems, so you decided to keep your feelings bottled up which made you resort to self-harm, hoping to release some of your tension and finally feel a sense of relief.

The more you began to cut, the more you distanced yourself from the world. You haven’t been to HQ, spending time with your friends, and most importantly you haven’t talked to Hobie in almost a week. Your new way of spending your time was cooped up in your apartment, drowning in your sorrows.

It has gotten to the point where your pain became so insufferable that you began to think if living was worthwhile anymore. You couldn’t go on like this, dealing with the weight of being Spiderwoman on your shoulders. Thinking about putting yourself in the face of danger and praying that you didn’t get severely injured or even worse: ending up plummeting to your death.

You felt like if you were going to do that, you might as well leave the world on your own terms, the way you thought would be appropriate. Were you currently thinking clearly? No. This was the illness talking. The older, happier version of yourself would never even let thoughts like this cross her mind, but now… now it was too late. This was the only way to make that dark cloud that hung over your head move away.

Hobie has been worried about you. The only time he talks to you now is through text and when he finds a way to get a hold of you, the conversations were dry, so he can’t even get a true feeling to see how you’re doing.

When he finishes his patrol duties, he decides to swing by your apartment, just to make sure you’re okay. Once he’s outside your window, he opens it slowly and climbs inside. When his feet hit the floor, he turns around and closes the window behind him, then tries to figure out where you are.

As his eyes scan the room, he locates the sound of sobs from the bathroom which alerted him, thinking you got hurt from slipping in the shower or something of that sort. When he reaches the bathroom door, he peeps his head inside, which reveals you with tears pouring down your cheeks while you run a razor across your skin. As Hobie watches the blood trickle down your arm and drip onto your marble floor, his stomach churns and his heart breaks at the scene unraveling in from him.

As you raise the sharp object again, almost pressing it deep into your arm, Hobie barges in, not being able to watch you hurt yourself any longer. When the door widens and you see him looking at you with a concerned and worried expression, you drop the razor, pull your jacket sleeves down, and rush over to the other side of the bathroom.

“Leave, Hobie.” You turn your back towards him, not wanting him to see how you’ve completely let yourself go. This isn’t how you wanted your reunion with him to go, you cutting and him bearing witness, having to see you in such a distraught state, but there’s nothing you can do about it now.

Hobie walks up to you, attempting to wrap his arms around, but you swat them away as more tears fill your eyes. “Hobie, I said leave! I don’t want you here! I-I don’t want you to see me!” As you attempt to raise your voice, it begins to crack due to the sob trying to make an appearance.

“Love, please,” Hobie's heart gets so heavy with each moment. He didn’t know you were doing this, he never knew that you had a burden so heavy that you had to resort to this method to find a sense of peace. At this moment, all he wants to do is be here for you and help as much as he can provide.

He gently places his arm on your shoulder, hoping you would turn around and face him. “Let me in, allow me to help you. I promise I won’t judge. I-I just want to help you, please.” The sincerity in his voice soothes you enough to turn around and face him. Without wasting another second, you run into his arms and begin to cry into his chest. Hobie immediately embraces you, wrapping his arms around you to make you feel secure and comfortable, to let you know that he is here specifically to comfort you.

“It’s okay love, let it all out. I’m here for you now. I’m gonna help you through this.” He kisses your head softly as he rubs your back, continuing to comfort you with sweet and reassuring words, letting you know that he’ll never leave your side no matter what.

Once your cries begin to lessen and you begin to calm down, you and Hobie sit down together. “I know you probably don’t wanna talk right now and that’s fine. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with, but I want to let you know that you don’t have to go through this alone. I will forever stand by your side through thick and thin, good and bad. No matter what, I will always love you and that’ll never change.” At this moment, you are so thankful for Hobie. He didn’t freak out on you, shame you, or force you to do anything which you appreciated. Knowing that Hobie saw you at your lowest and still accepted you meant the world to you.

“Thank you, Hobie.” You speak softly as you look up at him with glistening eyes, new tears ready to be shed, but this time they are tears of joy that you had someone like Hobie to lean on.

“Of course, now let’s clean up these cuts and then for the rest of the day, it’s just me and you.”

I hope you enjoyed❤️!

Previous Fic

Editor - @justmemyselfandthemoon

Taglist: @inspace1 @phoenixx69 @savagemickey03 @soilmayo @liyahsocorro @baizzhu @solanawrld @onlyloaksgf @popeheywardssecretgf @number1gal @taylormarieee @toneystank-3000 @h3art-l3ss @spidersthetic @mellagzz @em-x0

©️inlovewithpandora ━━━ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 | All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[too-antigonish]

My Strange but Unified Theory of Exeunt

Last week I talked about the poem Horatio in a post about Morse and fathers and @astridcontramundum asked what I thought it meant in the context of Exeunt. Hopefully she won't be sorry she asked because here's my (as usual) long answer:

Horatio is quoted from twice in Exeunt. The first time, Prof. Fortescue is lecturing to his students at a tutorial and gives us the most famous lines:  

Then out spake brave Horatius, The Captain of the Gate:  "To every man upon this earth death cometh soon or late. And how can man die better Than facing fearful odds For the ashes of his fathers And the temples of his gods?"

The second time occurs just before Thursday’s has his “turn” in the same spot where Morse will many years later experience his own collapse. He says: ”’How well Horatius kept the bridge in the brave days of old.’ We'd a padre big on that out in the desert. Drumhead service just before Alamein. ‘And how can man die better than facing fearful odds?’ Always stuck with me.”

I think they used those lines to plainly tease the idea that Thursday was going to die. Prior to Exeunt airing, almost everyone thought Thursday would have to die in order to explain Morse’s never mentioning him again in the future. When Fortescue says those lines in the beginning, I think we’re supposed to think that someone—probably Thursday—is going to die heroically. Then Thursday repeats some of the poem—connecting it to his WWII service—just before he has his “spell” and it seems like more foreshadowing. 

The thing about the poem though, that most people *don’t* know, is that the big surprise at the end is that Horatio *doesn’t* die. It just looks like he will: Even when his companions have abandoned the bridge because it is on the verge of collapse, Horatius remains. He stays until bridge finally does fail, and then plunges into the river below with the full weight of his armor. It is certain death and both sides stand stunned into silence by his final sacrifice.

But then, both sides find themselves even more surprised when they see the crest of his helmet beginning to rise from the water and he slowly emerges, striding towards the Roman bank. He not only survives, but arrives home to a hero’s welcome and a long life.

All of the usual narrative pieces are in place for us to expect Thursday to make the ultimate sacrifice—to die. For me, Thursday—like Horatio—does sacrifice everything, but the poem was actually foreshadowing his survival, not his death. And for Thursday, his survival is in many ways a far more difficult sacrifice than death would have been. It would have been easier for him in so many ways if he had died in defense of Sam or even fighting Lott. Instead he has to live with the ambiguous and messy aftermath.

Morse could also be Horatio in the sense that he goes to Blenheim Vale facing a high probability of death. What were the chances that the bikers would “come through” for him? That Morse went expecting to be double-crossed and killed by Lott seems much more likely to me. But I do think that Morse, like Horatio, would reason that, “If you’re going to go, then there’s no better way than defending the things that are most important to you,” and so he goes anyway.

He survives too—but unlike Horatio, his heroism will always remain a secret *and* with his realization about Thursday’s guilt and Lott’s revelation about Tomahawk’s identity, it brings perhaps more sorrow than it does victory. And, I would argue that his survival is only temporary or perhaps partial.

The gunshot scene has many possible interpretations, but at its core, my (forever unprovable) theory is that it balances out the survival foreshadowed by Horatio. Horatio was all about the audience assuming that Thursday had to die. But along with that went the assumption that of course Endeavour had to live. This is a prequel after all.

But the gunshot scene said a big, loud, “No. We can kill off Endeavour if we want to and we will.” You can go back and forth until the cows come home about whether or not the scene was simply him contemplating death, actually going through with it, or absolutely, purely symbolic and imaginative. However, I don’t think you can honestly argue that the scene doesn’t somehow connect the concepts of  “Endeavour Morse,” “gun,” and “death” to each other. Somehow those concepts have to be included in any interpretation.

So this leads to my weird theory about Exeunt, which is that Russ Lewis heard everyone saying, “Well I don’t know what’s going to happen in the end, but of course we all know that Morse is going to live—so no suspense there. And Thursday, well, he has to die. I mean it’s the only way to explain why we never hear about him later.” And to this, Russ Lewis thought, “Ha! I’m going to do exactly the opposite. Thursday lives and Morse dies!” 

Am I right? I will never know. Do I have more thoughts on Exeunt? You really, really don't want to know just how many.

[floralifetime]

Toruk Makto’s Sister

Warning: very bad writing, maybe some gramatical error (English is not my first language, so please be gentle), angst, death of a major charapter, grief, bad words.

Next Chapter

⚠️⚠️The sentence is not mine, credits go to the author⚠️⚠️

Chapter n.1 Goodbye Tommy, I love you.

"The pain suffered at your death is the price for having loved you so much in life"

I still can't believe it happened, Tommy my beloved older brother, is dead. He was treacherously killed by a thief who tried to steal his wallet, given my career in the military I shouldn't be so hurt by someone leaving, I mean, death happens every day from various causes, not all natural, but it's also true that you never really worry about something like this until it affects your loved ones. We were three, now we are only two. Too bad Jakey is on Earth, while I'm on Pandora, not exactly around the corner and so I find myself alone. "Y/N are you here? Can we come in?"

No, not really alone, there's my best friend Trudy and my pseudo-mentor, Grace. Yet since Tommy was killed I find it hard to even think about them, I love them both very much but I feel alienated, as if I see everything and everyone as a mere spectator, as if I don't really live. I hear the sound of the door opening and footsteps approaching my bunk, probably knowing me they didn't wait for permission. "Aww Y/N, it's terrible to lose a brother like this. I know." Trudy's voice acts as a switch and in an instant the blockage of my throat melts allowing me to cry all the tears I was trying to hold back to show myself strong in front of the others, to avoid their looks of compassion, their pity. I don't like to be pitied, both here in Pandora base and on Earth, it's just not for me, I've always wanted to be like my two brothers, my role models, my heroes, I think almost all younger sisters have this idea of their brothers, and I had mine. Tommy and Jake are my life and so are Trudy and Grace, I would give my life for them and here I am, mourning the death of someone I love so much and couldn't save. I who have always taken care of their wounds, be they physical or emotional, who have kept their confidences, who have brightened their days and lightened the weights on their shoulders, if they had any. I did everything I could to protect my brother after his injury and I only came here when I was sure Jakey would be okay, because that's how I've always wanted to do, who I've always wanted to be, who cares about those who love and who sacrifice themselves for them, desiring their happiness. And now what do I have left? Tommy's gone, treacherously killed by a bastard that if I ever find him, his life will be over. I should have helped him, I should have been there with him because I could defend myself with a respectable military career behind me. I should have been there, he died alone and even if I couldn't save him, at least I would have comforted him in his last moments and I didn't do that either. My screams, screams and moans fill the room and I only realize it when I notice Grace has buried her head between her shoulders, trying not to hear my cries of pain, I wish I could help but it's so much difficult. "I know it's not easy Y/N, and you're sick, I understand, but we need you." Grace's voice is calm and bordering on insensitive, the opposite of the storm of anger and pain that surges through me when I usually appreciate Grace's calmness, this time it drives me into a rage. This scares me, it's not like me to think so badly of Grace, this isn't me… Pain transforms you when it overwhelms you I suppose. I frown and start to argue, but Trudy is faster than me. "Don't you think losing a brother like this is hard enough in itself, without constantly reminding her of what is expected of her!?" Trudy is annoyed by Grace's rush to resume her studies and research, I know deep down that Grace doesn't want to be mean, but now is not the time. I need some time to process the pain, the mourning, but unfortunately I don't have this advantage, I don't have this time. "I'm sorry Grace, I don't think I'm in a position to resume my studies, my research or whatever you have in mind, I'm sorry." Trudy nods, running a hand down my back, while Grace just looks at me. "I didn't think someone with your career could have such a meltdown" Trudy hits the scientist, I don't even have the strength to do it anymore, I'm usually stronger than that, yet Tom's death drained me. "This was bad Grace you know Y/N is proud of her career and for good reason." I served in the military with Jakey as a sniper, then he was recognized as a perfect fit for the Avatar program due to my adaptable nature and my abilities outside strictly the sniper field due to my endless curiosity about everything, I love to read and inform me . I'm in Pandora training because, as a "prize of honor" during a particularly dangerous operation, I was given the opportunity to conduct training directly at Pandora's base. At first I was reluctant, I didn't want to separate from my brothers, I accepted only because Tommy threatened me that if I didn't do it he would be ashamed of me for the rest of his life. Ironic, huh? He didn't have long to live, apparently. I've been here ever since and only had a break when I learned of Jakey's injury, then I returned to Earth and then returned to the Avatar program when I had confirmation that my brother was handling himself, not a second ago. I ignored the health problems I might experience during these various planet-to-planet journeys, I didn't care what might happen to me, as long as Jakey knew he was loved and had someone by his side to help him, I would pay any price to help my brother and I would do it again, I have not regretted it and I never will. Only Grace and Trudy know that I have actually had various health problems that could have slowed my training were it not for my intelligence and willpower, Grace's words. "I know, and I also know you're right to be proud of yourself, I mean I didn't expect subjects accustomed to death to feel its effects so violently." I sighed, not looking into her eyes "What you're saying doesn't make sense, Grace. This is different and you know it too!" I answer. "What would be different, Y/N?" she replies her. "That he was and is my brother, maybe? It doesn't matter that I'm in the military, it doesn't mean a thing, when you lose someone dear, it really affects you despite the career you've decided to pursue. And you also know the reasons that prompted me towards a military career." Initially my career was to focus on the medical side of the military, which leaned more towards my personality, then after an attack that killed everyone but me, miraculously saved by the beams that protected me as the building I was in collapsed, I decided to totally change course and engage in combat, in some form. Grace raises an eyebrow and nods. "I guess what you're saying makes sense, Y/N. I'm sorry, maybe I should have paid more attention." "I definitely agree with you, Grace!" Trudy throws daggers at her with a look, even though I love them, I can't stand their fights right now. "Girls, I'm sorry but if you have to fight, please get out, I... I really don't have the strength, forgive me." Trudy and Grace look at me, my favorite thing about them is that they don't show pity, no compassion, they certainly feel it because they don't have stones for hearts, but they are discreet enough not to throw it in my face, which calms me down. They both just nod, while Trudy smiles sweetly, saying, "We're here for you, no matter what we say to each other, we're always here for you." Grace continues to nod at her words. "What did I do wrong? Why did Tommy die?! What did I do wrong, what did he do wrong to deserve this!? He wasn't a bad person, why kill him!?" I cry out of control, I feel like I will soon lose the calm in my voice. "He IS a bloody poor man, that's why he took him away from you." Trudy runs her hands down my back, trying to comfort me, to coax me into a calm that I don't have. "F-For what? For scraps of paper in the wallet?! Is it possible that printed paper is worth more than one life?!" I answer in kind, despite the choked voice that I find myself, the dry throat that itches as if I had swallowed a cactus whole. "Those pieces of paper have been making the world go round since they were invented Y/N, I know you're smarter than that, it's just the pain that speaks for you." Trudy rolls her eyes at Grace's apparent insensitivity, but she's like that, she's a scientist, she's normal to be skeptical and rational in every situation, "I don't think she would want to see you suffer so much, you know your brother loved your smile." Trudy speaks again as she takes my face and wipes my tears, delicate for her. "Trudy… Why did he die? I should have been there, what did I do wrong?" the doubt of having done something wrong, of being absent when I should have been present eats me up. "You didn't do anything wrong, you couldn't know it, he died because some motherfucker thought the card was worth more than your brother's life, but he never really quit T/N, he'll always stay." My favorite driver has been trying to sound reassuring, but he doesn't seem to be reassuring enough to calm me down. The strangled, moaning sound I make is unsettling, I don't even recognize it as my own voice, but that's the least of my problems as I finally wrap my arms around Trudy's neck, continuing to cry into her arms until I fall over I didn't even realize I was completely unconscious.

Tommy was cremated but I didn't even get to see him, just as I can't see Jakey until he comes here because another trip would compromise my health too much, already affected by the various trips previously made both by the fact that you have to be totally fit to deal with shifts like that, and I'm not. Adding insult to injury, I'm sure it will take longer to heal from the pain for this, if I could have seen him one last time I'm sure I could have healed sooner. I think it's cruel of life not to be able to see my brother one last time before he is finally cremated, Tommy has been destroyed and here I am, helpless, watching and not being able to do anything for him or for Jakey, it's like pour salt on an open wound.

It's torture and every time I think about it, I burst into uncontrolled crying and I have to stop whatever I'm doing, because the tears come down so copious that I'm blind, I cry so much that it seems impossible to stop, I only succeed when I have no more tears . It's suffocating, during the night I dream of our memories, during the day everything I do reminds me of him, everything I see in photos or read in books to complete my training makes me think of him and how much he loved to read and study with me, that intelligent glint in his eye every time he told me something he had read and learned, he had this amazing ability to draw you in and make you love whatever topic he was on, no matter what. I envied him for that, and I can't help but smile when I think back to our lessons together, when he corrected me with a demanding but gentle tone and a tug of hair. In everything I do I see him again and now more than ever I realize I look so much like him, I've never paid much attention to this aspect, I mean, I always had him in front of me I didn't need to think about these similarities, but now that I don't there is more these similarities haunt me as if they were ghosts. It's suffocating but the pain must be experienced completely and deeply to be truly overcome.

Despite everything I've resumed working next to Grace and spending a lot of my free time next to Trudy and her flying jewels, they distract me and help me, I thank them for their more or less visible but always present support. The pain of Tommy's disappearance is still there but I live with it, I have to live with it. Tommy won't come back, a thief took him away from me but he won't be able to steal my photos and memories, I keep them stored in a special casket, my heart, where they will remain as long as I live, safe.

Someone mentioned my brother Jakey coming here to Pandora to replace Tommy, I already knew about it and can't wait to see him, I miss him dearly, but I also wish I could see him again in better circumstances than these, Tommy's death is not the happiest reason to see Jakey again but maybe it's better than nothing because the letters we managed to exchange, with so much effort considering where we both are, weren't enough and still aren't enough.

So this was the first chapter, this is my first time writing to publish something, so please be kind.

©️ Floralifetime April 10-2023, please don't do not republish, repost, steal, modify, translate or claim my work as your own. All rights reserved.

@avatarbyamara​ I promised you, sorry if it's a bit slow but otherwise the first chapter would have been TOO long.

[its-your-mind]

(so first I am behind on Side Story so apologies if I have a specific fact of the canon incorrect but this has been rattling around in my head for so long and I must yELL or else I will explode)

I am just. Thinking. About the tragedy of a regressor who’s forced to choose to send one of his companions back to warn him about the future.

Cuz like. Logically. At some point in the multiverse. There was a timeline to start with no 41st sys coming to warn yjh about the future. And yjh was alone and regressing and just trying to save as many people as possible. He has a plan for the Minor Group, he’s made deals with Anna Croft so she’ll give some of his prior allies their memories back… but in his mind, he’s on his own.

I dont know quite yet the circumstances of how sys was first sent back, but I do know that it completely changed the course of yjh’s past regressions - those bootprints of story that ended abruptly and jumped to a new path. And after that, there was never a 42nd round yjh who hadn’t spend the previous 40 rounds confronting a grown sys as the Disaster of Floods.

From ORV, we know how sys reacts to yjh in the 2nd regression - she expects that the information she gave would be enough to get yjh through to the end. Part of the reason she’s so furious with 1864th yjh is that his existence here at all meant that her sacrifice meant nothing. It hadn’t been enough to get him through to the end. And if that wasn’t enough, this version of yjh has someone only one month into the scenarios that he is willing to call a companion. 41st sys fought beside yjh for a decade, and he never once called her that, not until the very very end.

Imagine yjh confronting this enraged and emotionally shattered sys. In his original 3rd round. And then in his 4th. And his 5th. “How could you say such a thing? To my face?” His 6th. “Jihye-ssi. You have no idea how Joonghyuk-ssi is going to take advantage of you, then abandon you.” 8th. “Do you know what he said when you died? ‘I guess naval battles will be more difficult from now on.’” 10th. “Hyunseong-ssi. Joonghyuk’s loyal dog.” 13th. “‘I guess I’ve lost a handy shield.’” 17th. “What about me and the others?” 20th. “What about the people that fought for you?” 25th. “What were we to you?” 31st. “It’s too late for you to change like that.” 38th. “I won’t let you.” 39th. “It’s all because of how you lived that I…” 40th. “that my friends…”

41st.

How might it affect you, knowing that you would become the person sys spoke of? knowing that you’d take in a child, spend a decade watching her grow into her power, and then send her away to face thousands of years of solitude? Would you be able to look her in the eyes and ask for her trust? Or would it be easier for her to see you only as her harsh and emotionless leader. And what about after she’s gone? You already know that the information she had wasn’t enough to save the world. But it was enough to get you this far, right? And what would have happened if you didn’t have that information?

So you have to send her back.

And you know it’s coming. And so you prepare for it. You learn to accept loss as a fact of your life. You place emotional distance between you and the people around you - they cannot be real in the way that you are real. You lock up any pain you might feel, you paint on a stoic mask, and you resolve to think of your companions only as tools.

After all, you’ve known this round was coming for over thirty regressions. You had time to prepare yourself to be the type of cruel that could look at the people who loved you and devoted themselves to you and see them only as tools. A limited supply. Something to be used, and eventually discarded.

[doodle-pops]

Us Against All Odds

Ecthelion x human fem! reader

Request: Angsty fic where Ecthelion falls in love with a woman from our world in Valinor after coming back from the halls of Mandos…but he’s unsure of what fate the Valar will rule for her and whether she can carry his kids (elvish pregnancy and that jazz). Odd idea, I know. She’s smart, strong, all that, but they have to navigate these challenges together. Will they or won’t they? - Anon

A/N: It's not an odd idea because I immensely enjoyed this request and would love to make a second part to continue their angsty life. Just a little extra notice, I decided to make a little linkage between immortality and pregnancy if you all don't catch on to it.

Warnings: fembod reader, angst, talks of pregnancy and potential loss of life (not a miscarriage), reader being selfish with their choice, and arguments because it's angst.

Words: 1.9k

Synopsis: Having a blissful marriage always left you wanting more, but when immortality becomes the problem for happiness, do you forsake it and act selfishly or wait for a verdict?

Silver bells tinkered in the distance in your eardrums and your heart drummed like a stampede of wild beasts. Hands shaking at the speed of light and breathing unevenly, the flock of birds that passed overhead triggered more reactions. The tears that pricked the corners of your eyes, slowly, one by one trickled down and stained your angelic face. Bouquet in hand and adorned in white, you represented innocence, purity, liveliness, life, new beginnings and death. Were your upcoming actions the right ones? Would your choice bring you unconditional love and elation or would it be a mistake that brought destruction and unhappiness to everyone and yourself? Was it selfish of you to go against other beliefs and force yourself to manifest happiness unlike any other that tricked you into believing your decisions were right?

It all depended on one individual’s answer, and it was a happy sacrifice to make for yourself and another even if the world disagreed.

The wind blew, ruffling your thoughts and stirring them up in further confusion. If no was the final judgement, then could you still bring yourself to carry out the act? Could your body the pain it would bring to everyone around you if you chose to act selfishly? Would white still be considered your colour or would black suit your actions, perhaps grey? To manifest your dream despite denial was never your fault. It was those who welcomed you into their home and then rejected the opportunity for eternal bliss. You found love and support, friends of many and friends of all who cheered and sang songs of praise at your serendipity. He came out of the blue when you least expected him— noble and fair, majestic and wise, kindness in his smile, forever in his touch and love in his words. How could you not be selfish and give him the world after his sacrifice?

If yes was the other decision then worrying and pain would no longer be. No more thinking selfishly or acting in vain. There would be no pointless promises or long nights of alternatives, you would both be content and locked away back in eternal paradise. A bundle of joy and never-ending immortality to kiss the seal of fate and bring about the final act of completion of your union and undying love. Was it so difficult to grant an innocent person like yourself? Never harming or hurting, plotting or deceiving, causing actions of malice and destruction. You lived your life in a bubble and spared many others through the touch of a healer’s hand. The great Lady of the forest saw your heart and deemed you worthy of finding a place among her people in the West. You made yourself home and still helped, portraying kindness as far as your smile and heart allowed you; why was one word impossible to declare? Would it bring chaos and uprising, or change others’ views of them?

Sullen and grim were your two companions ever since your first form of euphoria blossomed with him. Every visit filled you with more excitement but left an unpleasant taste of reality around the corner. No amount of flower picking and consultations could sedate the ache in your heart as each month passed and turned into years. Any longer and the hair on your head would turn grey— maybe they were waiting for that moment to arise to make a pronouncement. You could do with a silver lining to grant you everlasting life.

“My fair love, I have returned to you,” the sweet, enchanting voice of Ecthelion echoed causing you to jump in your seat. The carnations and bluebells almost fell from your loose grip and scattered on the floor had it not been for his quick reflexes. The melody of a thousand nightingales sung to your heart as he returned a tender smile and handed you your bouquet, “You know, should you continue to stare so…gloomy, those lines may begin to appear before we even receive a response.”

Widening your eyes at his comment, your right hand flew to your forehead and began pressing against your skin in a panic, too terrified of appearing aged before the verdict. The small gasps and whines that escaped your throat as your carried on pressing out your non-existing wrinkled make Ecthelion frown. He hadn’t meant to upset you tremendously. Standing up to walk around and squat directly before you, he reached for your hand and pried it away from your forehead. Cupping his enormous hands around your fragile one, he toyed with your finger, holding each one between his thumb and forefinger and giving them a wiggle. He continued until all five received the same treatment before lifting your hand to his mouth.

“My apologies for startling you vanimelda, it was never in my interests to worry you,” kissing your hand, he trailed his kisses from your knuckles all the way past your wrist and up your arm— kissing your cloth-covered skin— until he arrived at your shoulder. There he paused, then with a lift of his head, he turned to face you, “you appear extra stunning today under Arien’s rays.”

Your cheeks grew warmer the longer he gazed at you until you appeared embarrassed. Attempting to hide your face by looking away, his fingers caught your chin and tilted your head in his direction, keeping eye contact. “…Thel, you only say these things because you know how much elven beauty bothers me,” you whispered nonchalantly with a saddened expression. Living in the blessed realm for more than fifteen years already changed your appearance, giving you a more aged look. It was only three years ago since you met Ecthelion, so he saw you at your mature age and still found you most beautiful, but insecurity was insecurities.

“It bothers you that much…still? I saw you first and fell in love with your smile, your brightness, your aura, your walk, your style, and your everything. How could I not find my soulmate the most beautiful when their soul sings the most magnificent melody?” falling to his knees, he was able to lean in closer to speak, “you know that the first time I saw you, I thought I was—”

“— looking at an angel. Yes, yes, I remember. You tell me this all the time,” you nodded with a reminiscing smile.

“Then why do you still doubt your beauty in my eyes?”

Silence fell between you both. The loudness of the larks and magpies in the background increased, drowning any loud thoughts that shouted across the room. Wind scattering loose papers across the room, curtains kicking up a fuss, leaves and petals floating through the air and you both remained stagnant, staring at each other. Ecthelion could see your thoughts before hearing them. It was the sole purpose of his back-and-forth visits to Mánhanxar to consult with the Valar.

“Even if you were to become old and frail, I could never take my eyes off a beauty like yourself vanimelda,” this time, his voice sent shivers up your spine as he spoke his words like a vow. They were true and pure, like his heart and actions.

“I just…maybe instead of waiting on them, we should just continue with our lives normally. It’s been months since a reply came in,” you eagerly proclaimed.

Rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, he pondered. The idea of letting you go through with that, without a say from the Valar was life-risking, even if it were your dream at having the final slice of life. He didn’t want to lose you so early should immortality not be granted. What was having a child or children if he lost you in the process? Elven pregnancies being elf males and mortal females were rare, nearly unheard of. From what healers who survived Middle Earth spoke of, the risk of mothers surviving was low since their bodies were not able to accommodate twelve months. The stress and toil it took could cost you your life. Had it been reversed with your race, then he would have no problem, and there wouldn’t be a risk from the start.

“I know you want this terribly, but sacrificing yourself to not be here is…unnecessary. I wouldn’t be made to choose Y/N. Please don’t make me,” he cried angrily into your hand as he bowed into your touch from the bouquet of flowers. Stroking his hair and calming his nerves, whispering soft coos to reduce his stress.

“You worry too much Thel— my immortality, my life expectancy with pregnancy, my this, my that…where is all that faith and confidence the Prince Turukano told me about you having?” you joked while softly hitting the flowers against his head to catch his attention.

“It died with me in Gondolin…” he snapped and then froze as his words slipped out, not meaning to further dampen the mood, “…forgive me. I should not have said that.” Lifting his head to meet eyes filled with affection and patience, he felt guilty for worrying. Heaving, he flopped to the wooden floors and sat with his head on your lap while you raked your fingers through his silky ebony locks. He said nothing for minutes while prolonging to sulk in silence and reprocessing his and your thoughts. As your husband, it was his duty to worry and protect, especially for an event like the one you wished for.

“Do you truly not believe that we can have a child of our own even if immortality is not given?” you asked.

Mumbling faintly into your dress, he painfully replied, “Yes. Immortality would alter your body to safely conceive, without it, you are open to greater complications love. . .and I value your life over all.”

“Greater complications, but never death,” you counterreply making him gape at you stunned, “I cannot simply allow one decision from your Gods to ruin my life. I deserve extra satisfaction, even if it means being selfish a bit.”

“And what of my happiness my love? Do you not think me happy as I am with you and wishing for no change?”

“Thel,” you bent down to cup his face in your miniature hands, “all will be well and fine, I know this; it’s a gut feeling. We will have our wish granted, why else would Eru bring you back?”

Groaning in defeat, he felt it a bit pointless to continue arguing with you as your mind was already made up, furthermore, making you happy was a natural process for him, to deny was to commit a crime. He loved you and that meant doing whatever it took to make you satisfied. The most he could do was pray to Eru to plead with his cause and grant him fulfilment. Today was the last day of the trial and soon the messenger would visit to deliver the verdict. He could only beg for the response would be life-changing and saving as the hours went by until nightfall. There was enough weariness seeping into his brain from overthinking and repeating the same conversations cyclically, all that was needed was a miracle to end his stress and he hoped that it would knock on your front door soon.

Masterlist

Taglist: @spidergirla5 @lilmelily @eunoiaastralwings @noldorinpainter @ranhanabi777 @mysticmoomin @rain-on-my-umbrella @starborne0661 @floraroselaughter @singleteapot @asianbutnotjapanese @justellie17 @justjane

[pinkumiilku]

I keep saying this, but as (at times) inconsistent One Piece has been through the years, Sanji remains the best written character in the series.

Looking back, his every bit of mannerism was already telling us everything we needed to know, and I’m still so proud to have foreshadowed his mental state years before his story was revealed.

I’ll write a more in depth analysis eventually, but starting from the Baratie Restaurant, we learn of this introverted, “cool” chain smoker, who wears a suit and accepts no disrespect towards food, or his adoptive father.

He speaks in a very hushed tone, and seems to put up this image for every bit of his personality and appearance. A carefully crafted exterior, which occasionally breaks when he shows excitement talking about his dream of “All Blue”. It’s as though he made the conscious choice to censor as much of himself as possible, convincing himself that the few characteristics he does show are the only acceptable ones. These are mainly his chivalry, and relationship with food, which are more values than personality. Even his skill with cooking stems from a deep seated need for control, where not one, but two metaphors involving starvation, lead us to imagine a possible eating disorder.

He is willing to sacrifice himself immediately out of the idea he is indebted to his father, and refuses to leave the Restaurant where he grew up, despite his dream. This is very important, because it makes the viewer stop to think for a moment.

Feeling indebted is understandable, but to put one’s own life at a complete halt due to an act of kindness at the hands of someone else already gave us a huge clue as to Sanji’s upbringing. Before Zeff, he was a child surrounded by a biological family who left him mentally and physically destroyed. In such circumstances, he grew without the fundamental concept of worth.

Therefore, any act of kindness would equal an insurmountable level of debt he would need to pay off. And seeing how he perceives himself as worthless, he often relies on sacrificing himself for the benefit of others.

I presume Zeff suspected as such, despite Sanji never mentioning anything, and purposefully kicks him out of the Restaurant, pushing him to fulfill his dream, and above all, live his life. What Sanji had to experience and understand throughout the journey, is how others care for him as well.

However, trauma so severe couldn’t possibly heal that quickly, and I’ve said before how impressed I am with Oda’s approach with depicting trauma in such detail (Sanji’s panic attacks at the thought of seeing his family, twitching, sweating, snapping, chain smoking, etc). Despite the years of bonding, affection, taking care of the crew’s basic needs, trusting them blindly, he still subconsciously believes to be interchangeable. The idea of being able to rely on them for anything substantial, especially against the titanic level where his family stands, is inconceivable. This was further implemented by his trauma, where victims of abuse catastrophize the power of their abusers.

His affection towards his biological family despite the abuse however, is the most difficult challenge to face. Fundamentally, he believes to have a chance still at redeeming himself in their eyes, perhaps as an adult. His punishment, someway somehow being rational and understandable, if he could only figure out what the right thing to do is.

Once he understands there is no answer to that question, is when he finds freedom. However, this realization is devastating.

He chooses to save his biological family, with the condition of never interacting with them again, his mind free of doubt over how no father would wish for his own son’s death.

This is where Whole Cake Island ends. Sanji joins the crew once more, with a newfound sense of self worth and from any Shounen we’d expect that to be the end of it.

But it isn’t. Because trauma doesn’t work like that, and Oda knows. Despite his determination, Sanji consistently shows signs of not only being tied to his family (politically or metaphorically), but shows constant anxiety over becoming anything like them, perpetuating the cycle of a put up personality.

While Sanji is aware of his found family and their affection, it will take time to fully break free from the vicious cycle of depression and panic he falls back into.

Now, looking at fictional characters as means to tell a story, Oda was making a statement. He wanted to give anyone struggling, anyone who at one time felt their life slipping away, anyone who considered suicide, a fighting chance, by using his privilege as artist and writer with the biggest platform.

[idk-my-aesthetic]

Spy x fam 76 spoilers!

There was so much incredible about this arc, and I want to talk about more of it, but I want to start with Nightfall

I’ll say it again I wasn’t a huge nightfall fan before this arc. I lowkey thought it’d be cute for her to develop a bit of a crush on Yor in a comedic way but besides that didn’t think too much of her

This freaking arc tho??? Oh my g-d???

1) this is just a general statement about the series as a whole but sxf truely is like. Both a love story and a spy thriller. You can’t take away the themes about love (both romantic and platonic) and family without completely compromising the story. It’s just one of the best stories I’ve ever seen with the way the creator weaves in drama and action and the SYMBOLISM. The PARALLELS. Im losing my fucking mind so-

1.1) listen. Listen. I know it sounds like I’m saying nonsense but I cannot express how IMPRESSIVE the story telling here is. Doing this so well is HARD. There’s a reason so many action movies have garbage tacked on romance plots. It takes a lot of different skills to make a good action drama vs a romantic or emotional drama. And this series just does such a good job at having an engaging world, stakes that feel genuinely scary and grounded, and characters that manage to both work as narrative tools while still feeling like real actual multidimensional people.

And that ability to have such incredibly multidimensional characters that still push the narrative is what brings me to Nightfall

2) this was the first time (at least in my opinion) nightfall became more of her own person and not just a token romantic rival to progress Loid and Yors romance. She’s starting to feel more like a real person.

One of the things about her that absolutely jumps out to me is her similarities to Yor. Her willingness to self sacrifice for the people she loves, her sheer power, and most importantly the way she views love

Yor and Fiona both view love as a strength. At the moment Twilight views it as a weakness. He also assumes that’s how the others around him view his attachments, as a form of weakness. Including Nightfall, he assumes she’s going to think him weak and she’s too flustered to correct him

I think there’s two possibilities with what will happen with Nightfall and Twilight.

A) Nightfall is going to help Twilight realize it’s okay to be in love with Yor and to love Anya (because I do think he will begin to view her as a weakness as well). It’s probably going to break her heart but we can already see how much she’s willing to sacrifice for him

(In an ideal world she’d go through a lot of character development, fall in love with Yor as well and then they’d be a throuple, but I am realistic enough to understand that’ll probably never happen and go write my own fic or smthn lol)

B) nightfall becomes a representation of the parts of himself that Loid will eventually sacrifice/turn away from in favor of his family. This is honestly what I was expecting to happen before this arc, especially cus it would be easy to do a mirroring thing with Yor and Yuri. (For the record I don’t think it would be a thing of like fully rejecting their old lives for either Loid or Yor but I also can only predict so much lol).

3) I really really hope nightfall continues to evolve. Yuri as well. As much as it is important to have rival or threat characters like them in this type of stories I feel like their characters have so much potential. But at the same time that’s one of the huge struggles with writing! It’s incredibly difficult to balance the narrative role of a character while still making them feel real. I think they’ve done and incredible job so far and I am curious where they’re going to go with it

[tsururoach]

i was so curious about what yjh’s description said since i saw a few say they got him in your orv poll but no one was posting screenshots, and i am so glad i apparently had enough of a grasp on him to get his result first try

as for what i actually got beforehand; it was kdj, as expected

If other people are curious, this is the result... Honestly I'm super relieved that when trying to get him you managed to! While I did general tests for the Kimcom to see how accurate my answers were, that obviously has innate bias as I was the one who made the quiz.

If you wanted some elaboration... with some spoilers that I couldn't include on the quiz description:

As a general disclaimer, I don't think my quiz is anything final. Not even close to be honest. It's my personal belief that the ORV that we've read is all a different story. Not because difference in translation or distributors, but because of the different readers.

Each of us had our own meaning and our own belief of the characters- and that means we all got a different 'story' from ORV. Clearly, there is some character aspects that are relatively unarguable to what is canon, but there is going to small differences based on how we see Kim Dokja's perspective of the world... and our perspective of him.

Yoo Joonghyuk is a strong, strong character. No, a strong person. He is someone who cares too much, and I feel like it's something not noticed enough. Or, perhaps, can never be noticed enough.

"It is because he is weak that he is strong." or is it "Because he is strong, he is so undeniably weak."

Even before the apocalypse in TWSA, he held this kind of responsibility as well. He had to be steadfast and reliable. He has a sense of responsibility and by god he's not going betray that. But to what cost? What could he rely on?

From the very beginning- from the very start, did Yoo Joonghyuk have anyone to rely on? It was only a man and his younger sister, what could possibly be there for him?

I feel like a lot of people tend to think that YJH is more aloof than he actually is. That nothing matters so long as he achieves his goals. I beg to differ, and I'd do it on my hands on knees.

YJH 'caring about his image' may seem far off... but it really isn't? Perhaps my phrasing was poor, but I don't think YJH knows how to feel weak. Well, he has to learn how to be weak in front of others. And for the record, I don't even think it started because of the apocalypse. YJH is someone tied to responsibility. Not that kind of cold apathic responsibility, but the one made delicately out of love.

YJH's sacrifice and KDJ's sacrifice is kind of funny in that way. YJH tries to save his family by living. KDJ tries to save them by dying instead. YJH needs to live, needs to continue, needs to find the solution, so he can go back to the family and bring them with him.

I'd be hard pressed to call YJH simple, but he definitely defines himself in a way you would call simple? He definitely knows himself enough to know what he wants and what he should do- even if KDJ calls it into question more than he should... I guess you can say he can think well? Even when it's difficult for him to verbalize as such.

Is it too much to say of the main trio, YJH is definitely the one who loves the most. YJH... I feel like probably couldn't handle that 'empathy' or kindness he offers to those he trusts being 'weak.' Which I suppose is why it's such a big deal that he has trust issues. It's honestly why the 1st turn is the one I'm the most curious about (not the 0th!) Because it's the turn that we assume YJH started off of. Which in hindsight, isn't that clever? Starting at 0 instead of 1?

How is that YJH who went through the apocalypse for the 'first' time with little help and no knowledge? How did he cope? Just how much did that infallible protagonist change? Not only that... remember that the YJH we start off is supposed to be the '3rd' turn. What happened to get from point 1 to 3?

Anyways, as for the quiz... Since this has run a bit long, let me review the questions that had YJH in mind. (also to note, since it's been a while, I did actually make sure the results are relatively equal save for the minor minor characters.)

4-5. Love language

YJH to me... It's definitely words of affirmation? Like all things aside, no ship nothing like that- but isn't that what helped him become the YJH we meet at the end of the novel? KDJ talking to him?

The affirmation that he could and should go on? That his life- no, this life matters? That just because he could theoretically continue, doesn't mean 'this' life is worthless?

That there is hope to go on the next day?

While love language isn't absolute- he absolutely could find it in simply just presence alone, it's definitely the most important. It's important for him to hear all of these things and more.

As for the expression of love language... YJH expresses it the most through acts of service, and I kind of expect that to be obvious enough... Though I can see him thinking his words matter a lot as well... Even if it's rougher than he intends, I think that the acts of service is more.. instinctive? While the words are intended.

8. Webnovel prompt

To be honest this question was mostly something to lay off of the tediousness of the quiz. Something on the sillier end even though I looked through it... Yoo Joonghyuk.. Definitely is someone who craves normalcy though. Okay. Like I get he's a gamer and all that, but he's just so tired. He deserves it- and that... is kind of what he was looking for, wasn't it? Like Yoo Sangah, even if it didn't have KDJ originally, didn't he crave family and a peaceful way of living?

18. Pick something in the future.

'To keep the future my own'

Yoo Joonghyuk wants to control his own life- his own future. Isn't that why the fact he is the one responsible for writing part of ORV so important? He did it, he escaped the story and became his own person out of the bounds of the constellations. He is a hero, but most importantly, he is himself.

He made that decision and that is what makes him, him.

21. Fanfiction cliffhanger

This one is the one that makes me wish that you can make the questions be worth more or less (though I ended up balancing it out a little.)

However, I will stand by my answer for YJH.

"It'd be fine, to sacrifice mind and soul, if it meant I'd die knowing the love for you."

I... Can see how it's a bit weird, and maybe too romantic for him? But I mostly brought it up here because I think... Yoo Joonghyuk would hate to lose his emotions and care? I think the thought of forgetting who he cares for and forgetting what he did to and for them, is something more painful than dying. It's more painful than regressing so much- because that is a loss that sticks with him more?

I could elaborate more on this, but I'm not the most eloquent person out there.

75. Safe Emotion

For Yoo Joonghyuk, I think he finds anger is a safe emotion. Not because it's the one he's most familiar with nor is it the one he adheres to most- but because it's the one he understands best? Not understand as in he's felt most often, but because it's the most straightforward of emotions to him. He knows when to be angry and what it means to be angry.

83. Does the End Justify the mean.

This is one of the questions where I wish I separated YJH more than just SP, simply because it really is more than that? And honestly I feel like if I'm going to be wrong about characterization, this one would be the question I feel like it's most fair for.

YJH does not think the end justifies the means... I think SP does...? But I also feel like that changes. But I really can't just separate those iterations of YJH in any clean way anyways, so this is what it will be.

84. (not YJH but I'm adding it) Isn't it fucked up for the superpower question I put 'flight' for OD. Isn't that messed up. Looking over the quiz again that's soooo fucked up of me.

95. Boundaries

I feel like YJH is willing to let go of his boundaries but it's not as easy as he can let it seem? I feel like the consequences of him overstepping his own boundaries are definitely a lot more than he exposes, but if he's allowed the time to process the decision, he's willing anyways.

99. Which one is strongest to you?

Hope. YJH is a character who embodies hope. He is hope and he is always in an endless journey to chase it. He is OD's hope. He is KDJ's hope. He is the hope of HSY and the others of the apocalyptic world. In the Epilogue... he's willing to be Kimcom's eternal hope.

He is innately a hopeful person. He faulters, but anyone would. He's human. And humans will hope before they despair- they will hope in despair. Yoo Joonghyuk is hope.

And it makes sense he would understand that.

[long-distance-love]

He's in another country and although we have a great connection when we chat, I wish we communicated more. I've told him this. He's dealing with a lot in his life so I don't always hear from him but when I do, it's the best experience ever. He makes me laugh and smile. He brings out a vulnerable, intimate side that I am not used to showing. Sometimes I want to pull away because I'm so far from him and I'm not satisfied with how things are. I want him every day and I wish I was there.

How did you know that it was worth it to keep going with your person? What was it like when you finally met them?

Thanks for the ask! I have recruited my husband Benny's help since I don't want to give you a biased answer. Based on what you told us, we came up with a number of questions you could ask your partner and yourself to figure things out. We don't want to tell you what to do - however, we believe some introspection could help you clear up the air in certain areas of your relationship where you feel confused.

We hope this helps and we're sending you lots of love. 💕

First and foremost, you and your partner need better communication and commitment. Tell him what you want/expect from a relationship, and ask him the same.

Do you have similar expectations for each other? And if not, are you willing to compromise/sacrifice? (i.e. communication frequency and channels, needs, level of intimacy, etc)

Are you both willing to commit to each other? Are you both committed to not seeing other people? Are you both prepared to be officially together? (You need two people for a relationship and nobody has the right to waste your time. If they hesitate at this point, it's best to cut them loose to avoid getting hurt any further.)

If you managed to get through the first two questions:

Do you have similar goals for the future of your relationship? (i.e. it's good to know if your partner is serious about moving together with you at some point, career vs family, opinion on having kids, pet preferences, bad habits, basically every practical goals/details)

Are any of you in a position to visit the other? If not, are you okay with waiting?

Can you align your need for communication and emotional closeness with each other? (Because right now it seems like your needs are not met because you want to communicate more and be closer to your partner while your partner wants the opposite. Going through difficult times is one thing, neglecting your partner is another.)

Additional questions to ask yourself:

Do you still find peace and happiness in this relationship despite everything? Does your partner feel the same?

If nothing changed in their behaviour for the rest of their lives, would you still want to be with them?

Think of the thing that you dislike the most about your partner. If that trait never went away or only got worse with time, would you still be able to love them?

If you didn't find your partner attractive at all, would you still want to be their friend?

I'll answer stuff about Benny and me underneath the cut. 💕

We literally talked about all the topics above even as friends. Our goals mostly align (no kids, dog lovers, peace and quiet above the hustle of advancing our careers, living together on the long run), and we were both ready for a serious commitment.

Here are a few examples as to how we knew "we were it": my husband would video call me every day for the last year, even after his twelve hour shifts (and believe it or not, he was not held at gunpoint ;)) ; I told him that I'm going to go live with him on the long run (1 month into the relationship); my husband visited me multiple times throughout our relationship; even when things got hard, we never considered breaking up; he helped me through some of the worst times of my life and never made me feel like I owed him anything (husband's comment: Danny did the same for me, they're just really bad at taking the credit); we both showed up at our wedding and looked hella sexy :D

It was amazing to meet, but it wasn't actually for the first time. We used to know each other as teens before he moved away, and we even dated for a hot minute as kids, but then we lost touch for many years. So it was a reunion, if you will. But we also met someone completely new. And it was a life changing experience. But! Our relationship already worked online. It was just a confirmation of that, and later on it helped us grow even more confident in each other and our relationship.

[hlmowrer]

Week 55: "O Remember, remember"

You guys, this week was weird.  I'm still kinda trying to collect all my thoughts and make sure I'm remembering all of it, because this bad boy had MANY chapters.

It wasn't a bad week.  We reconnected with two friends we had lost contact with...one is very enthusiastic and wants to be baptized (yay for Dylan!) and the other is less gung ho but we had a really great impromptu Bible study and we were far closer to the same page than we were when we started, so we're making it a weekly thing now!  All of this was a tremendous blessing, because finding new people to teach has become extra difficult lately and we haven't had a lot of success.  Never underestimate the Lord's power to work miracles!

Wednesday I had another exchange with Elder Burrill, one I expect to be the last for a while.  We supported each other as always, and we were so spirit led!  Elder Burrill is amazing at listening to where God wants him to go...we were putzing around in Meijer and he suddenly felt prompted that we needed to go in the direction of the sporting goods...and immediately got distracted looking at the disc golf equipment.  We began to wander off, hoping we hadn't missed our moment when he decided we needed to go back, and 30 seconds later decided that "dang it, we don't need to be here anymore".  We were a bit disappointed, but I made a crack about how perhaps the Lord sent us over here just to delay us, knowing that our juvenile minds would get caught by the discs for just long enough to be in the right spot later.  We went to go find the car, and at exactly the right split second we ran into Austin, a super chill dude that was down to hear a scripture and ended up being pretty interested in the Book of Mormon!  It was such a rad testament to the need to sometimes follow the Spirit without knowing why, and I was pretty proud of myself for correctly guessing what was happening.  Later on our faith was tested again...we were prompted to go into a restaurant, and we found the person we think we were looking for but making our escape without buying any overpriced pizza was a challenge.

Also on Wednesday (now you can see how packed this week was) we had a district council, and I felt inspired to share a message about remembrance.  I've been pondering this a lot lately, and the need to remember is so critical to holding on to your relationship with Christ.  We are taught things in our lives by the Spirit, sometimes through a thought or feeling, or perhaps through an experience.  I know that there have been moments in my life where I felt like I could not be more joyful to be alive/more faithful in Jesus Christ/more loved/more confident.  We ALL are given the experiences we need to be faithful and happy...but how often do we handicap ourselves by forgetting them?  This is why we write things down and say them out loud.  This is why we must consciously choose to keep the joy and the confidence in spiritual things at the forefront of our minds always, because if we never forget we will never falter.  And I feel pretty confident in that being what the Lord wanted me to share, because once again (this happens a lot in the Big Rapids District) every person who shared at that council shared a very similar point despite there being no communication amongst us beforehand.  And then a member of our mission presidency did a missionwide devotional about remembrance two days later...again without knowing about anything we were talking about amongst ourselves.

Saturday we had a really epic opportunity to travel to Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo for an oratorio performance called The Lamb of God.  The Lamb of God is about the ministry and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and is designed to bring people of different faiths together.  It was written by a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but each Lamb of God performance is put on by over a hundred people from dozens of Christian denominations.  It was a powerful performance, and as part of a district goal from Elder Burrill I considered what the Lord may want to teach me as I listened.  Remembrance once again filled my mind, and temperance also.  I think the Lord is trying to tell me something.

About half the mission was invited to the performance, so it was also a very fun opportunity to see people I haven't seen for a while.  I really, really have such a great love for these missionaries.  I've been working hard to see people as Christ sees them, and I feel like I'm getting better at it.  I've also never been to Kalamazoo before (it is apparently a real place) so that was neat.

Since then, my life has mostly consisted of taking care of my dear companion...he seems to have gotten something stuck in his intestines, and has been in pretty brutal pain for the last few days.  We're trying to get approved to go see a doctor...pray for us pretty please.

Alright folks, I hope I got it all (I probably didn't, but when do I ever).

I love you all!  (Really!)

<3

-Elder Beren Mowrer

[336863]

Being at my sister's wedding this weekend was a lot more emotional for me than I expected. Overall, I was just glad that she's found someone that treats her well and provides her with everything that's important to her. I was surprised that I was mentioned in her speech and was also very touched that she brought me up. I guess despite all her emotional outbursts, she still has a mature side to her that perhaps she doesn't display all too much. Watching my mum prepare so much and doll up for the wedding was also nice to see. I didn't put much thought into it but having been seated next to her, I now see how much the wedding meant to her. Seeing her daughter get happily married must have felt like things went full circle and that her years of hard work raising her must have finally felt accomplished to some extent. My mum's just so precious

During lunch with my mum today, I felt the wedding also brought my mum back to memories she had with her own mother / my grandma. She recounted the times that grandma would be upset when she found it difficult to take care of us when my mum left us in her care and how grandpa was just clearly trying to stay out of the way. Although my mum would sometimes complain about grandma in the past, I know her soft insides still finds her approvals important. Perhaps she was only really able to truly empathise with some things after watching her own daughter get married. Perhaps we're all more similar than we think and perhaps this was why I felt she may be seeing things come full circle

Also Uncle Cs' asking me to pass to my sister a couple of gold bracelets that my grandma had left for him was also unexpected. Grandma must have been left them for him the hopes that he would eventually settle down with somebody and have her wear it. I thought about what my mum said in the past - about how grandma always used to favour the boys.. Regardless, I hope she'd have made peace with however things turn out. And also a reminder to myself that I also ought to try and make some time for him

All of last night's events served as a reminder to me of how unconditional my mother's love have been for the both of us, and how we should never take for granted all the sacrifices that she has had to put herself through just to make our life as good as it could be. I can tell my mum doesn't want to show it but I know she will miss having my sister around as much. They may not get along all the time but I know they are close and I know they appreciate each other's company. I hope we both continue to make time for the most important woman in our lives. My mum is truly special and I'd like to make her feel that way as much as possible

[babybeards]

there's a parable in here somewhere.

I don't think I'm a writer by any means, more of a visual artist who sometimes uses writing toward through difficult emotions. With that being said, I went to church today. The message was about how to tell if you're a fake christian. I didn't expect much as I feel like I have heard numerous versions of this message through the years, but I am at church so my ears are open and my heart is curious. So we are in Acts and we talk about this guy named Simon (not the disciple), He lived in a society which mixed religions together and cool things happened still and everyone seemed hunky dory. Kind of seems like todays society, kind of feeling like a Simon here. He was a magical dude, quite literally and did a bunch of cool tricks which made everyone think he was something special, Holy you might say. Well Phillip rolls into town and starts spitting out truth, touching people and giving them the Holy Spirit. Here's where I think something happens to Simon. I think he sees this stuff that is happening and wants what Phillip has. That feels fair right, Phillip has something cool and is telling everyone amazing truth. So Simon he goes through the steps it seems he was supposed to go through, possibly he was told this is what he needed to do or maybe he just saw it happening around him and hopped on board. Either way, he tells himself he is good, after all everyone else thinks he's good and he did the steps right? My attention is caught. I have heard a lot of step driven messages on how to be a christian. While long ago I put away the idea that saying a simple prayer is enough to be a Christian, I still have clung to some idea that there must be something that can give a person final assurance on their salvation. I am thinking of Simon, how he was a good guy, did the steps to be apart of Phillips club and now he feels he should share the same power as Phillip. He should be good to give others the Holy Spirit too, right? Well Simon asks to be given the power and offers to pay for it, but is shut down. Basically Phillip tells him his heart is not right with the Lord and he's still in bondage. How disappointing this must have been to Simon. He felt like he was good, but when it came down to it he wasn't at all.

So, I grew up in church. I have always been a 'good person' to a certain degree. I followed the steps, every single different version I was presented with. I received godliness awards, recognition. I've listened to the messages, and yet have always lived in the reality that I will never be truly worthy of Heaven. I have always longed for a relationship with Christ. I have read my Bible, listened to YouTube sermons, sung hymns, fell down when I was pushed at the pulpit, but I have never felt saved. I have always felt so far away. Like a fraud. I have heard the messages on being changed, on being a new creation, but how does that work for me? I obviously am/was a sinner who needs saving, but how can my life change be radical if I was 'saved' in the first grade. I wasn't hitting the streets before that. I have always felt that I have simply gotten more sinful as I have aged rather than the other way around. My remorse was always heavy and my sacrifice so little. My mind was the battleground which always tempted me with something new rather than my actions. How do I turn away from the intrusive thoughts? So I can feel for and like Simon. So here I am again. I am ridding my life of the things I feel convicted about. Is this repentance? Will this transform my sinful mind? I wish for steps, the ease of checking boxes.

I finally put plants in my front flower planter today. I had to till the hard stoney dirt until it was pliable. It felt like a reminder of the parable of the sowers. My hard heart being slowly molded. The work is being put in. I got these plants over a year ago, knowing they would eventually end up in this planter, they are an invasive species so I was told to keep them in pots until they were put where they would finally go. So, they were extremely root bound and had to be cut out of their pots to go in the ground. They were waiting to grow more, held back by their container. now that they are in the ground they look messy and disjointed, there is an uncertainty in there future but are being given everything they need to survive. This feels like an analogy for my life. Now that I have the freedom to grow there is an uncertainty on whether I will make it. Only God knows. My hands got dirty and it took work, but hopefully the work will bring forth success.

[yhwhrulz]

Today's Daily Encounter Monday, September 25, 2023

Chosen to Be Holy

"So, you must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, 'You must be holy because I am holy.' And remember that the Heavenly Father to whom you pray has no favorites. He will judge or reward you according to what you do. So, you must live in reverent fear of him during your time here as 'temporary residents'. For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And it was not paid with mere gold or silver, which lose their value. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God."1

In Decision magazine some time ago, Karen Morerod wrote about shopping in a store for a sweater. She was looking for one at minimal cost, so she went to the clearance rack. As she flipped through the sweaters, one caught her eye. It was the right color and the right size, and best of all, the price tag was marked $8.00. Without much more thought, Karen made her purchase.

At home she slipped on the sweater. Its texture was like silk. She had made her purchase so quickly that she hadn't noticed how smooth and elegant the sweater was. Then she saw the original price tag: $124.00! Karen writes, "I gasped. I had never owned any clothing of that value. I had come home with what I thought was a 'cheap buy,' but the original price was quite high. I had been oblivious to its value."

Then Karen concludes her article with these words: "Just as with my sweater, I have often treated the power of Jesus' blood like a 'cheap purchase.' [God's] grace, though free to me, carried a high price tag – the life of his very own Son."

I often have conversations with people who ask me to pray for God's blessings upon their life, but what is interesting is that they continue disobeying God's Word and fulfilling their own desires, yet expect God to bless them anyway. What they don't realize, perhaps, is that we will reap the consequences of what we sow. If we intentionally choose to live in disobedience to God, let us not be alarmed when things don't go as well as we planned. God tells us in today's Scripture to be holy just as He is holy. Many times, we focus on the impossible task of being holy in these imperfect bodies, however when we put our focus on the fact that HE is holy and HIS Spirit lives in us, we realize that we were never meant to do this alone. It may be difficult to leave old habits behind when we come to know Christ, but if we truly want to experience God's blessings in our lives, we must die to our flesh and allow Christ to live in and through us. When we realize the price God paid to set us free from a wasted life, we can't help but want to live lives worthy of such love. Once we live a life in obedience to God, trusting Him, only then can we really experience the joy of His Salvation through Jesus.

Suggested prayer: Dear God, forgive me for the times I have taken your gift of Salvation for granted. When I think of the true price that Jesus paid in my place, I want nothing more than to live a life worthy of that sacrifice. I pray that you allow me to die to my desires, so that your Spirit can guide me into the holiness you have called me to. Help me to live in obedience to your Word so that I can experience the incomparable joy of a personal relationship with you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name, amen.

1 Peter 1:14-19 (NLT).

Karen R. Morerod, "Lesson Learned from a Sweater," Decision, November 1999, p. 39. From a sermon by C. Philip Green, The Holiness of Grace, 4/29/2011.

Today's Encounter was written by: Crystal B.

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

ACTS International P.O. Box 73545 San Clemente, California 92673-0119 U.S.A.

Phone: 949-940-9050 http://www.actsweb.org

Copyright (c) 2016 by ACTS International.

When copying or forwarding include the following: "Daily Encounter by Richard (Dick) Innes (c) 2005-2023 ACTS International

[strfe]

❝ perhaps in another life, we'd meet under better circumstances, ❞ he begins, amber hues filled with the glimmer of recognition. he had not expected to see anyone else there, on the anniversary of his former pupil's death. the blond who stood before him had gone through much since their last meeting, having bested a world-ending would-be god and prevented his bloody apotheosis. zack was right to have seen greatness in him. it was thanks to his sacrifice that the two could stand where they were now, and it was hard not to miss his presence. the chevalier places a bouquet of lilies near his storied broadsword, now a gravestone in the middle of a wasteland. ❝ for what it's worth, i miss him too. ❞

' under better circumstances. ' that's one hell of an understatement. still, he'd be lying if he tried telling himself it wasn't something of a bittersweet dream. he shifts his weight onto one foot, trying and failing to hide his shaky composure. ( it never gets any easier, huh ? ) loss is something he's wrestled with these past few years. anger at the universe. at himself, for not being strong enough. though the anger has dampened with time, the ache in his chest remains. it's a rotten, persistent thing, and on days like this it's all the more difficult to ignore.

to say cloud misses him is also an understatement. he's still trying to fit those pieces of himself together; the ones he lost back then, and the ones that zack took with him on that day. visual & auditory hallucinations are something of a distant memory to him now, outside of nightmares. lucid dreams that would play out while he's awake, threatening to blur the line between reality and fiction. ( something he'd rather not find himself wrestling with again ) despite this, he thinks:

' if it was him, today, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. '

—— c'mon, get a grip. if there's one thing zack wouldn't want for him, he can be sure it's going crazy again on his behalf. finally, he lifts his gaze to the quaint bouquet fluttering in the breeze. he was never a great lover of flowers before her, but finds himself able to appreciate their beauty in small ways now. cloud thinks to ask where angeal's love of plants stemmed, but he absentmindedly finds his attention fixed on the rusted metal marking the grave before them.

" yeah. " he speaks. short, reserved. perhaps betraying his emotions, just a little. if there's another thing zack wouldn't want today, it's his friends crying over his grave. bearing that in mind, he huffs a sigh from his nose & lifts a hand to scratch at the back of his neck. there's so much he's left unsaid to both those alive and dead. he dreads to think how he'll even get through half of the living part, but figures he may as well start now. " ——that sword ... "

with the slight rise of his shoulder, cloud nods to the blade standing before the both of them. he wonders what it means to angeal now. what memories he has of it that cloud might not. ( before a time where all it knew was violence, wielded by a man not himself. not anyone at all. ) his gaze trails off some, almost sheepish. " sorry 'bout that. i remember... he mentioned it meant a lot to you. "

[bakugoyelling]

Those Three Words  

Giyuu Tomioka x Fem! Reader 

Warnings: 18+ smut (minors dni), fluff, hurt/comfort, oral sex (giving + receiving), finger sucking, romantic sex, praise, creampie 

Word Count: 5.9 K

Summary: Your boyfriend Giyuu adores you, but sometimes, he feels undeserving of your relationship. After another life-threatening mission, can you help comfort him? 

In the Demon Slayer Corps, only the strongest, highest-ranking members have the privilege of being a Hashira. It's a prestigious title earned through hard work and dedication.

To be considered, one must kill at least 50 demons or defeat a member of the Twelve Kizuki — a difficult feat, but those who prove their strength by doing so; are highly respected. 

Yet, the life of a Hashira is not an easy one. With respect comes great responsibility, and in order to protect the innocent, they must put the lives of others above their own. Death lurks beneath every step during battle, and if a world without demons is what they are fighting towards, then sometimes, sacrifices must be made.

Giyuu Tomioka is one of these high-ranking members. His mission, day in and day out, is to kill demons — to give it his all and slay whatever treacherous monsters are killing his people. It is his top priority, and it used to be his only priority before he met you. 

Your first encounter with each other was rather uneventful, but over time, with your charming personality and contagious laughter, you wiggled your way into his heart. And after many nights spent alone in his bed, thinking about you and how you made him feel, he decided to do something he had never done before. The following morning, he pulled you aside and casually invited you over to his estate for dinner.

“Who else will be there?” you asked unknowingly.

“It’ll only be the two of us,” he said, shifting his gaze. "Please, be sure to show up. There’s something I must tell you." 

But before you could question him any further, he had set off, leaving you anxious and wondering — what’s so important that it ought to be told over dinner? Either way, you were excited to spend time with your friend. The serenity you felt in his presence was something you had grown accustomed to and often missed when he wasn't around.

That evening, although a bit coy at first, he expressed the way he felt about you. He wore the same look on his face the entire time, his cheeks blooming with color as he held your gaze and quietly asked you to be his girlfriend. Even after months of harboring the same feelings, you never expected such a question from Giyuu. The suggestion had you lopsidedly grinning, butterflies swarming through your stomach as you hushed out a gentle “yes” and agreed to be his.   

Under the moonlight, Giyuu kissed you for the very first time that night — a chaste peck of his lips against yours. And yet, despite you accepting to be his partner nearly a year ago. There are still moments where he feels unworthy of you, like a burden in the relationship you have grown together. You're a demon slayer yourself, so you understand the possibilities. 

Why do you continue to be with someone who may leave on a mission and never return?

Maybe it was wrong to take your friendship further. After all, the more you feel for someone, the harder it is to cope with their death. 

Why does it sometimes feel like, after every kiss goodbye, he is only setting you up to suffer? 

Almost two weeks ago, Giyuu was assigned a mission. And today, it's thoughts like these that continue to cross his mind as he makes his way back to you — after another life-threatening battle.

He’s bruised, with a minor cut on his arm, but he's not critically hurt, he can walk fine, and nothing is fractured. However, while descending the mountain, he can’t stop thinking about how lucky he is to have struck at just the right time. One wrong move and he would have ended up like those who attempted to defeat the bloodthirsty demon before him. 

And the promise of coming back to you would be broken. 

Giyuu has never said it, at least not verbally, but he loves you. He finds the words difficult to say, unlike you. Every time the two of you part, those three words fall from your lips so easily, but it's not as easy for him. So, he chooses to show his love in different ways.

Like in the notes he leaves behind before he must leave, promising to be back soon while wishing you luck on your own assignments — ones he is positive you are skilled enough to complete. He signs the messages off with his name, and now and then, he even draws a small heart beside it. 

Or sometimes, he expresses his feelings by bringing home your favorite sweets, untouched and wrapped with care as you take the package into your hands, reveling in your reaction every time. 

Although despite the way you smile, maybe, he thinks, you just want someone who can say “I love you” back. Something he seems incapable of ​​doing. 

But before the thoughts can continue, Giyuu realizes that he is home, and the sight of you sitting out on the engawa catches his eye. 

It’s always a relief when he returns. And as you set your widened gaze on his form, your eyes begin to water, your vision becoming blurry while you hurry over to hug him. 

“Are you hurt? Do you feel okay?” you worriedly ask, wrapping him in a protective embrace. 

Usually, after a few days into a new mission, he sends you a letter to keep you updated, but this time, one never arrived. It was unusual, and the absence of a message left you anxious, afraid that something horrible had happened. 

“Why didn’t you write to me? I was terrified that you were never coming back.” Heavy tears roll down your cheeks as you question him. Because no matter his incredible skills and strength, when he leaves, there's always the possibility that he won’t make it back.

And although still silent, Giyuu's shoulders grow tense as the sound of you sniffling reaches his ears. You're crying, and the notion that he is the reason behind your woes upsets him — even if it doesn’t show. 

“I’m fine, and I’m sorry." pulling back to check on you, your boyfriend apologizes, averting his eyes to the ground. “I should have given Kanzaburo better directions. He’s old, you know.”

You’re sure he is not trying to be funny, but his blunt remark makes you smile. 

“It’s okay,” you sniffle, tears coming to a halt. “He is a bit of a grandpa crow, so he probably got confused again,” you chuckle.

The sound of your voice, no longer strained with worry, causes Giyuu’s gaze to lift back up to you, a hint of relief on his face when he notices the return of your cheerful demeanor.

“I’m just happy that you're back. That’s all that matters.” You kiss his cheek before continuing. “Let’s go inside now. You go get cleaned up, and I’ll warm some food for us, yeah?” 

Still quiet, he nods, humming out a word of agreement as he follows behind you.

The hot bath helps relieve Giyuu of his sore muscles. But throughout dinner, his features remain solemn. And although he’s often aloof in the presence of others, when he's with you, in the privacy of his own home, he tends to be a bit more outgoing.

He strikes up conversations, and sometimes, he even chuckles at your dumb jokes. So when recalling a rather amusing exchange that went on during your recent mission, you expected him to at least crack a smile. Instead, he blankly stares at you. He's withdrawn from the discussion and that's when you can tell —when you can feel — that something isn't right.

“Ah, I guess you had to be there,” you nervously chuckle, poking at the leftover food on your plate as Giyuu stares down at his meal.

“So, anyway,” you continue. “Did anything interesting happen on your mission?”

He shakes his head, the lack of words leaving you disheartened and with no other choice than to question him. Because if you don’t, he may go the rest of the night like this — laden with the thoughts that fill his mind.

“Giyuu...” you mutter his name and gingerly reach your hand out, placing it on the table to grab his attention. “Are you sure you are okay? Did I do something?”

He lifts his eyes, and the concerning look on your face causes him another pang of guilt. He's made you feel as if all of this is your fault, but he won't allow you to take the blame. Not when you've done nothing wrong.

“It’s not you,” he quietly mutters, placing his large hand on top of yours. As a sign of reassurance, he smoothes the pad of his thumb against your skin — a comforting touch reserved just for you. 

“Then, what is it?” you continue. "You know you can tell me anything, right?”

It’s true. Giyuu really can tell you anything. When he has something to say, you always listen — even if it takes a while for him to open up. You're patient; understanding.

And while he can try to deny that something is wrong, he knows you won't believe him. Because after forming an intimate relationship with each other, one built from over a year of friendship. You've learned how to read past his stoic disposition. 

So with his fingers interlaced with yours, he gathers his thoughts. Deciding that, in the long run, withholding things from you won’t do any good. The seconds continue to drag by until, eventually, Giyuu breaks his silence.

“Why are you still with me?” he asks — voice low and straight to the point as always, yet, there's not a hint of malice in it. Instead, it's laced with dejection while his tired eyes peer up at you, awaiting a response.

“W-what?” you stammer. “What do you mean?” Your chest presses into the table as you lean in closer, the grip on his hand loosening. 

The unforeseen question drives your worst fears to the front of your mind, unease clouding your thoughts in a moment of uncertainty. Is this Giyuu's way of admitting to no longer wanting you? Had he found someone else while out on his mission? You suppose it wouldn’t be difficult to find a woman better than you. 

“Did…something happen on the mountain?” you hesitantly ask. “Did you meet someone –”

“No,” he calmly cuts in. Giyuu knows what you’re implying, and it pains him to know that, at times, you don’t feel good enough for him — in his eyes, it’s the other way around.

“I would never do such a thing to you,” He proceeds to say, and although slightly offended at the implication of him being disloyal, he understands.

You've shared your insecurities with him before. But regardless of his mood, he always reassures you. Anything to help free you from your doubts. 

“It’s nothing like that, okay?” he ensures, sapphire eyes holding your gaze — free from any deceit. 

With a low exhale, you nod and leave behind any unwanted thoughts as you switch your focus back to the man before you.

“Well then…why are you asking such a thing?” your eyebrows crease as you proceed to question him, searching his features for an answer.

“Why wouldn’t I want to be with you?”

His stare falls to the table again, mulling over what to say to you. 

“It’s just…” his jaw clenches, eyes shutting as he begins to open up. 

“While I was on my way back, I couldn’t stop thinking about how you deserve someone better. Sometimes I feel like I am only making your life more difficult," His head hangs low at the confession, unable to face you.

The self-doubting words are hard to hear from a man as exceptional as Giyuu, and your heart pangs for him, your chin trembling while holding back tears.

“That’s not true,” you softly mutter, voice cracking as you shake your head in disapproval.

“And when I showed up, you were so worried. It’s as if being with you is only hurting you. Even just a few minutes ago, I was causing you distress,”

“Giyuu, no, it’s nothing like that," you try to reassure him, but you feel too far away. During a conversation like this, you need to be closer, sharing a space where you can bare your souls together.

Hurriedly standing from your seat, you make your way around the table and settle down beside him. He still won’t look at you, but you continue anyway.

“It’s true that your initial question caused me concern, but my silly insecurities aren't your fault. Believe it or not, whenever I'm struggling with those feelings, you play a huge role in making me feel better.”  

No longer able to contain them, your tears begin cascading down your cheeks. 

“You always do,” you try to reason with him. “You give me all the reassurance; you hold my hand, you tell me I'm pretty!" your voice shakes while listing off all the things he does for you, heavy tears falling onto the tatami floor beneath you. "You even give me kisses on the cheek..." 

After a while, Giyuu continues. 

“But is that enough? Am I really doing all I can to make you happy; don’t you want someone who can be there for you? What if one day I never make it back? You’ll be alone because of me.” 

“Giyuu, you are there for me. Even if I worry, deep down in my heart, I know you'll always return because you’re strong and hardworking. You’re more than enough for me." wiping your eyes onto the fabric of your sleeve, you snivel.

"And yes, risking our lives is a part of the job. But it’s not going to stop me from being with you. I understand that tomorrow is never promised, but there’s no one else I’d rather spend my time with.”

He takes in every word, each phrase slowly soothing his irrational thoughts, until he finally lifts his head to face you. With relief written on his features, you crawl in closer and situate yourself in his lap, nestling him against your shoulder.

“You make my days so much brighter,” you murmur. “Whether you're physically there with me or not. So please, don’t be so hard on yourself.” While petting his hair, you pull away to look at him, pushing back the raven locks that fall past his forehead.

“So, do you want to know why I’m still with you?” 

Giyuu nods against your touch, his sharp eyes softening. 

“Because I love you,” you say.

It’s a simple answer, yet it means so much to him — a gentle reminder that you accept him, despite his flaws. He wishes he could say it back. It’s on the tip of his tongue. However, he chooses actions over words this time and leans in for a kiss instead, melting the unsaid phrase against your lips. 

Your eyes close at the contact, mouths working together as you tilt your head, basking in the warmth of his skin. The affectionate kiss soon travels from your lips to your cheek, where Giyuu softly pecks you before leading down to your jaw. His hands fall to your waist, drawing a soft breath from you as he kisses his way towards your neck, lingering in place until he pulls back to observe you.

“You believe me, right?” 

With a tilt of the head, Giyuu nods, cheeks stained a pale pink as he shifts beneath you. It seems your tender moment has stirred something in him — a sense of longing that comes after being away for too long. 

“Good,” you whisper, pressing your forehead against his.

“I missed you a lot, you know?” your eyes lull shut as you continue. “I missed your voice, your touch,” Slowly, your hips begin to move, lightly pressing against him. 

The action is subtle, and with Giyuu’s hands still resting upon you — he keeps control of your pace. 

“Did you miss me too?” you ask, pulling away to see his half-lidded gaze. 

“Yes,” he breathes. His blue eyes drop to your delicate fingers as you strip yourself of your obi, allowing the front of your yukata to fall open.  

He swallows. And although your panties prevent you from being completely bare underneath, your small show of skin has his breath quickening, the newly exposed flesh luring him in. Hopefully, he’ll take this opportunity and allow you to replace all of the emotions from earlier with ones of deep-rooted passion. To show your love in as many ways as you can.

“I always do,” Giyuu’s voice remains low, his jaw clenching as the fabric covering your breasts slides past your shoulders. He gapes at the view and exhales as your naked chest is exposed to him, fingers gripping your sides in anticipation.

His avid stare and show of restraint have you feeling coy, your cheeks warm as you place your delicate hands atop his. 

“Touch me,” you quietly instruct him, guiding his palms to your chest.

His large hands soon make their way to your breasts, gently cupping the supple flesh. You’re like a work of art to him, and his touch is light, gentle while he repeatedly brushes his calloused thumbs over your nipples. You peer down to watch them harden, contracting into stiff peaks as he begins to roll the buds between his fingers. The new pressure has you exhaling a moan, meeting his heavy gaze as he takes a nipple into his mouth. Between each nimble lick, his teeth nip at the sensitive skin, drawing a series of winded mewls from you as he tugs.

When Giyuu pulls away, you whimper at the lost sensation, instinctively grinding against his crotch as he angles his head, drawing you in for a kiss. Continuing to caress you, he works his mouth against yours, your lips smacking together between each breath as your hips grow more fervent, practically humping the growing bulge in his pants. 

The desperation in the room is rising, but his kisses are still effortless, his warm tongue tracing over your bottom lip to gracefully enter, sliding the wet muscle along with yours. Giyuu's hands relocate to the small of your back, and he tilts your body as his mouth begins to wander, kisses traveling to your chin, the damp pecks leading towards the curve of your neck.

You wrap your hands around his shoulders to collect yourself, and he questions what he ever did to be blessed with such an ardent love. To have someone who makes him feel so cherished. 

How did I get so lucky? 

But when his lips reach your collarbone, your hushed voice brings him back to the present.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom,” you say, playing with the loose strands of his hair. “I rolled out the futons while you were washing up earlier. That’ll be more comfortable, don’t you think?” 

Pulling away from you, Giyuu nods and allows you to rise to your feet while he does the same. 

“I’ll take your clothing, just in case,” he considerately picks up your discarded yukata, noting his reserved state of dress as you lead the way in nothing but your panties. 

The sensual view leaves him blushing. 

“You always make me feel safe, you know that?” you turn to him with a smile, lips gently pressed together as he sets down your robe. 

He doesn’t say anything, but he pulls you in for a hug, an airy laugh escaping your lips as he places a kiss on your forehead. And for the next few seconds, he simply holds you.

“Now, let’s get these clothes off so I can take care of you,” 

Steadily, Giyuu begins to undress, garments falling to the floor as you admire his body. He’s always been modest about his looks, often shying away when you compliment any of his features, especially when you bring up his muscular stature. But he cherishes them nonetheless and reciprocates with praise of his own. 

Once fully exposed, you soothingly glide your hands down his shoulders. “Lie down for me,” you instruct him, to which he earnestly complies.

Giyuu settles on the bed and props his head on a pillow, adjusting his legs to make room for you. Slotting yourself between them, his cock brushes against your lower stomach as you lean forward to kiss him. But you pretend to ignore the growing erection, even when you pull back to run your fingers over his ivory complexion. There's a slight amount of scars scattered across his abdomen, and as you trace your digits over the lighted skin, you decide to leave a kiss in their wake.

“I adore every part of you,” you say between each peck, trailing down to his pelvis. When your lips meet the base of his cock, you peer up to look at him, kissing the skin once more before taking hold of him.

Giyuu’s brows raise at the touch, a barely audible gasp escaping his throat as you begin stroking him. Your affection already has him half-hard, and the beads of pre-cum leaking from his tip only aid you, providing you with just enough lubrication to play with. Using the pad of your thumb, you spread the sticky substance across the swelling head, watching it shine while your other hand moves along him.

He twitches with each touch, and you make yourself more comfortable by lying on your stomach — a better position to please him. With his length now directly in front of you, your hot tongue sets to work, licking the underside of his cock from base to tip, but the soft press of your lips against his skin is what really makes him writhe. 

You kiss the head of his cock so delicately, yet the way you smudge your lips across it is anything but innocent. The warm threads of saliva that spill from your mouth have him rocking his hips, urging you to open up for him. Parting your lips, you let him, flattening your tongue while you ease your way down his dick, wrapping a hand around his shaft as you begin to pace yourself.

"Ooh…fuck," while peering down at you, the silken pleasure leaves him gasping. 

His pre-cum coats your tastebuds, and the flavor has you salivating, your excess spit adding to the sensation as you trace your tongue around his favorite areas — a range of satisfied hums vibrating against him. 

Giyuu can't help but quietly praise you between each movement. Captivated, he sighs every time you lean back to catch your breath, rotating your wrist as you bubble your drool in front of him.

“Mmm, all nice and wet," you rub your plush lips across his tip. "Just how I like it,” you smirk while stroking him. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes,” he breathes, eyes low as he brings a hand down to caress you. “Damn amazing…as always.” He takes hold of your chin and lures you in to straddle him, admiring your features as his thumb smooths over your swollen lips.

You nuzzle against the calloused skin, kissing it before he presses the digit down to slip into your mouth. Sucking in your cheeks, you work your tongue around it, coating it with excessive strings of saliva till he pulls away.

“Get on your back for me now,” he says, trailing his hands over the curves of your body. He stops at your hips, fingers tapping against your skin to further direct you.  

Within an instant, your positions switch, and Giyuu settles on his knees before you, his palms placed on either side of your shoulders as he leans in to kiss you. While he uses one hand to help balance himself, the other slides down to your core, rough fingers pressing against the damp fabric of your panties. 

“I missed this too,” he mumbles, brushing his digit over your thinly veiled clit.

You quiver from the touch, lighting gasping as he works his way lower, feeling the ends of his raven hair sweep across your skin.

“Can I see all of you?” he asks, fingers hooking onto the sides of your underwear. 

“Uh-huh, just take them off,” your hips rise to help him remove the dainty fabric, and he glides the material down to your ankles, allowing you to kick them off to the side before parting your legs. 

Your folds glisten under his gaze, strings of arousal clinging to your sex as he settles above it. The heat of his breath grows closer, lips pressing delicate kisses across your thighs while he tilts his head to the side, mesmerized in the alluring view of your tight pussy,

“Look at how beautiful you are,” he taps his middle finger against your clit and hums when you twitch. 

His index and ring finger soon join in, lightly circling the small nub as you begin to pant, your hips shifting to create additional friction. Giyuu pleases you with such smooth precision, he can actually see you dripping —like honey spilling from a pot, inviting him to get a taste.

While his hands hold your thighs apart, he slips his tongue out to tease you, licking a tantalizing path from your cunt to your clit. He savors the way you sound, the way you feel, the way you taste. It’s bliss, and with his eyes closed, he repeats the process, lathering you in a combination of spit and slick until you’re mewling, lacing your fingers through his hair as he encases his lips around your clit.

He suckles the puffy nub every so sweetly, gently swirling the tip of his tongue against it while his fingers dip down to your entrance. Humming through the sticky sounds of your arousal, he methodically pumps into you at an ever-growing pace.

“Aah, G-giyuu,” you whine when he curls his fingers, pressing on the area that has you chasing for release. “Don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you urge, tugging away at his dark locks.

“I won’t,” he whispers against your skin. 

He kisses your clit before the fingers on his opposite hand replace it, rapidly rubbing the spit-coated bud while you brokenly babble, humping his hand amid the extensive high of your orgasm. You tremble for what feels like a full sixty seconds, moaning through Giyuu’s encouraging praise the entire time. His digits coat with your release, and once you’ve grown less tense, he pulls away, tender kisses placed upon your dewy skin.

While you take a moment to relax, he rests his head against your stomach, pushing into your touch as you mindlessly rake your fingers through his hair, heavy-lidded eyes meeting yours as you pant between breaths. 

“You’re too good to me,” you softly say, brushing away at his bangs. “And I don't just mean during moments like this. You’re good in so many other ways too.” You bend your knees for him to move, and you smile as he looms over you, palms placed on either side of your head.

“How dare you ever think I don’t want to be with you,” you mutter while cradling his cheeks. “You’re perfect, my everything.”

“I could say the same about you,” Giyuu replies, brushing his lips against yours.

“Are you ready to take all of me now, my love?” The last part of his sentence is barely audible, an experimental term of endearment — so close to those three words he’s never said to you before. 

It leaves you yearning, your heart beating so radiantly in your chest that you wonder if he can feel it.    

“Yes,” you mumble while spreading your legs. “I want you…”

He pecks your lips, the heat between your thighs emanating onto his length as he positions himself in front of you. His heavy cock rests in between your folds, and you inhale at the contact while he teases you, repeatedly tapping the flushed head against your clit. 

When it comes to intimacy, Giyuu enjoys taking his time. He likes how eager you are to take his cock, sprawled out beneath him with bated breath as your feet graze over his hips. And watching those little jolts of your body as he begins to outline your pussy is captivating —you're like an erotic fantasy come true. 

As he slips himself up and down your slit, he basks in every sound that leaves you, from the tacky clicks of your skin to the way you exhale. He trails his cock back and forth, gradually adding pressure until he stops at your hole and barely pushes the tip inside.

Waiting to sink into you, he holds himself in place while gently asking, “Is this okay?”

“Mmm, yeah,” your mouth falls open as you nod, humming for him to, “Go deeper,” 

In response, he fills you. Inch by inch, he buries his cock within you. Starting off slow, he quickly builds up his strokes, and with long steady pumps, he watches his length sink into your pussy. While he thrusts, his hands travel to your breasts, holding onto the supple flesh while his thighs smack against you. The obscene slap of skin reverberates off the walls joining in with your moans to create a symphony so sweet; Giyuu takes a moment and silently thanks the heavens above for you.

Meanwhile, you're lost in pleasure, eyes shut and jaw slack as you squeeze around him, immersing in the feeling of his cock hitting you in all the right places. With his help, your legs spread even further, and while holding you down by the crook of your knees, his head tilts back in a gravel-pitched groan, euphoric from the sight of you creaming around him, coating his length in a sheen of white. 

Ardent on feeling even more of you, on being closer, he leans towards you, helping you hoist your feet over his shoulders as his voice rasps in his throat. 

“You’re making me feel…so fucking good,” he curls into your velvety sex and sighs. “Kiss me,” he breathes against your lips. 

You respond to Giyuu’s plea almost immediately and press your mouth against his in a searing kiss, parting your lips to invite his tongue to tangle with yours. Impassioned, you feed into each other’s pleasure, sharing breaths as soft moans pass through your bitten lips.

When he pulls back to reposition himself, your pupils are blown, eyes locked on his as he settles on his side, sheathing himself back into your pussy. Like this, your legs are still bent at the knees, but with better access to your clit, he can add to your overall stimulation and kiss you all at once. A sure way to have you unraveling. 

“Are you going to cum for me?” he asks in a low voice, fingers swiping against the swollen nub as you curve into his touch, tight walls pulling him in.

“Uh-huh, but I wanna do it with you,” you plead between gasps, eyebrows furrowing while he continues to pound into you. “Will you cum inside me? Please, I want it so bad,”

Enamored with the way you look at him, he nods.

“I will,” he says, pressing his forehead against yours. “I’ll give you anything you ask for…pump you full of my cum because you deserve to feel good.” 

The low hum of his voice has you on edge — alluding that you’re ready to climax by breathlessly whining his name.

“Just like you deserve to know that… I love you,” Giyuu gasps against your lips, words laced in nothing but the truth; it’s like you can taste them. They spill into your mouth as pleasure knots in your gut, and the taut ropes of ecstasy that have built up in your belly finally snap.

You cum with a cry, your chin tucking into your chest while your spine curves in ecstasy, reveling in the warmth that fills your insides as he joins you in orgasm. His heavy load paints your walls white, hips gently rocking against you as you quiver. He’s working as much as he can into you, the smallest groans slipping past his lips as you squeeze around him.

Panting between breaths, you find the air to kiss, bursting with such heavy emotions that your eyes mist over with tears, enraptured in his admission of love and the heavenly way he makes you feel, both physical and not. As the two of you still, Giyuu takes notice. 

“Are you okay?” he asks. 

His thumb swipes beneath your eye as a single tear escapes.  

“Yeah, it’s just,” Suddenly bashful with how you’ve expressed yourself, you light-heartedly chuckle, assuring your boyfriend that there’s no need to be worried. 

“It’s just that I love you too,” you say softly, brushing away at his hair as you peck his cheek.

Giyuu’s skin is warm beneath you, relaxing into your touch as you care for each other, thoughts of self-doubt washing away while he holds you. With his cock still inside you, he savors every detail of the intimate moment before slowly easing out of you, the remnants of his release slipping past your swollen pussy lips as you turn to embrace him — an arm laid across his chest while your leg hikes up to straddle his hip.

“I'm sorry for not saying it sooner,” Giyuu responds a second later, grabbing an extra blanket to cover the two of you. 

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand, but it is nice finally hearing you say it. I feel like I’ve got a crush on you all over again,” 

He huffs out a laugh as you cuddle up with him — only you could cause him to smile after such a passionate moment.

“Thank you for always being there for me,” he takes hold of your hand and kisses your knuckles.  

“Well, of course,” you reply. “You do the same with me, so it only makes sense. I care about you, Giyuu, don’t ever forget that. You’re all I’ve ever wanted in life.”

You gaze at him like he's hung the moon, your eyes twinkling with so much admiration that he has to avert his own to gather himself. Yet, in a way, it’s calming, and lying here with you makes him hopeful for the future. 

“You know, maybe one day, we can live a simple life together.” With his soft voice barely above a whisper, he pauses.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean…a life where we won’t have to fight anymore,” turning to you, he continues. “Where our people are safe, and you and I can stay home together, drinking tea and tending to our garden,”

You once told him how you wanted to grow your own fruit one day — it was after an evening spent training, and as you sat together peeling oranges, you listed off the ones you’d enjoy planting the most. And when you asked if he’d help you, he nodded, a closed-lip smile appearing on his face as you pictured your vision one day becoming a reality. 

The fond memory delights you, and the fact that Giyuu still sees a life with you after all of this fills you with joy — envisioning a future together has always been the thing that kept you going, motivating you to do your best. 

“Can we grow all kinds of berries?” you ask, grabbing his arm to wrap it around your waist. 

“If that’s what you want, then yes,” he places a kiss on your forehead, and as you shut your eyes and sigh, Giyuu thinks to himself. 

“Maybe then, I’ll even ask you to be my wife.”

— please do not modify or repost my work

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

A/N: Beyond his cold exterior, I think Giyuu is such a warm, gentle-loving man. He just needs a little reassurance at times and someone who understands him :’) 

I've been working on this fic for months, and I'm so happy I'm finally able to share it! (I’ve wanted to write something like this ever since I read the manga!!) If you enjoyed reading, please let me know! I love receiving kind comments, and I appreciate them a whole bunch ♡

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。