#i think i know how to tweak myself for a vibe so hopefully i can do the same for my writing and delivery

[hotmess-exe]

aight enough bragging about how my first stand up set was about breast cancer, time to write new stuff and get back on stage

[oh-shtars]

Reach for the Stars! AU QnA:

(Part 2)

Part 1

May I give a reward to @wings-of-sapphire for completely being the cause of Part 2?

LMAO, thanks so much Sapphire! You’re the best ✨🥰

Onto the questions!!

1.) Are there any other ships you’re going to add? (Other than the given Ashueño and royal couple?)

Ashueño and the royal couple (Magnaya? Amnifico? Idk) are definitely there.

Other ships? Well, there is one but you’re going to have to wait and see to find out.

If you’re thinking Halzeema, no not really. Sorry guys 😅

They’re close friends and really fond of each other, but I’d like to put some QPR representation in the back too. As an ace person, I feel like these kinds of relationships need more recognition. :))

…….

2.) Are you adding any new characters in the story? Like for example, I’m adding Evangeline.

Not really?? I guess there would be some random citizens and maybe some mentions of the 7 teens parents, but they don’t really play a major part.

The already existing characters do play very different roles than they did in the canon movie. (For example, Sabino not being Asha’s paternal grandfather and is instead a close friend of Tomás during his time working in the castle.)

But other than that, there’s really nothing new that I know of.

………..

3.) If you could use one word to describe each of the characters of RFTS, what would they be?

Asha = Compassionate

Sueño = Fun-loving

Magnifico = Vengeful

Amaya = Ambitious

Valentino = Bold. Sometimes too bold for his own good.

……..

4.) How long do you predict your story to be? Have you plotted it all out yet or are you more of a “see where it takes you” writer?

Hmmmm, I don’t actually know. Looking at my outline, it looks like it’s going to be quite a long story. Maybe even novel-length. Plus, all the unplanned in-between scenes would add more to it.

Though, I doubt you’ll get bored reading it. I think-

Hopefully not. 😓

When writing, I prefer to really outline my planning because I would HATE to write myself in a corner and not know what happens next. Imagine restarting and rewriting your work T_T.

With a defined plan, I’d be confident enough to just write because I have a guide to follow right next to me :D

But dammit, the middle of the story and what happens in there is killing me.

I DON’T KNOW. AHHHHH HELP-

……..

5.) Is there a certain scene you’re super excited to write? What about one you’re dreading?

There is like one scene where Sueño really loses his sht and me, as the lovely author~, get to have the fun and satisfaction of knocking Mag’s pride down.

Muahahahaha-

I’m also pretty excited to write the “At All Costs” scene and the final battle because DAMN, something possessed me to make up pretty good ideas for them. But I’m also really looking forward to writing character dynamics and how fun it would be for them to interact with each other.

For scenes that I’m dreading to write?

The middle of everything. And.

The Middle.

Did I mention I’m stuck in the middle?

KCNEICJEOFKDKSKS THE FREAKING MIDDLE-

……

6.) How are you going to show the songs/lyrics changes to said songs?

I’ve actually already answered this same question with chillwildwave.

I’m writing them out similar to Anny’s, I guess. I’m no animator, so I can’t really show them visually. I would use gifs and my own drawings to visually show what’s going on though.

I would be either tweaking the lyrics of some of the canon songs or in some certain scenes, pretend there’s a song being sung there and just describe what’s going on.

I might also be using some already pre-existing Disney songs to set the vibe and reference what I’m going for.

Yeaaaaah, sorry I can’t write songs even if my life depends on it. 😭

………

7.) Do you have any sneak peaks you can give us?

Sneak peaks huh?

Hmmmmmmmmmm…..

Okay, maybe some screenshots of my outline and some quotes I wrote down.

Enjoy these random moments of Asha interacting with her family: ☺️

………..

8.) Do you have any voice actors chosen yet?

Actually, I’m pretty fine with the canon voice actors we have now. So they’ll just be voiced by the same people.

(Chris Pine and Ariana were good in their role, change my mind.)

Though I was thinking about this very fun thought on what Sueño might sound like if he could speak. Imagine that! :D

So far, I’ve really just headcanon Sueño’s voice similar to Adam Young, aka Owl City. I love listening to his songs and it’s funny, because I can REALLY envision Sueño singing these songs because it just…fits. ^^

“Shine Your Way” is a pretty cool duet that really fits Starsha in my opinion too. ✨✨

……..

9.) How are you exploring the world building of Rosas?

I’m not entirely sure what you mean with this question. I guess through the use of songs, dialogue and bits of flashbacks and examples of magic?

Sorry if I didn’t answer this right. 😅

………

10.) How much research do you do for your storyline?

*Remembers how I’ve spent around an hour to find a name for Sueño and how I’ve spent ages to find inspiration for the magic rules of this world and a monarch system that isn’t completely historically accurate but enough to make a bit of sense*

…..A normal amount. Why do you ask?

………

*holds hands up*

OKAY OKAY! I’M DRINKING! I’M DRINKING!! 🏃‍♂️💨

………

@annymation @gracebethartacc @emillyverse @uva124 @chillwildwave @tumblingdownthefoxden @spectator-zee @mythartist21

I’m still open to having a Part 3 if you guys are interested :))

[the-introverted-writer-for-life]

How to come up with a plot

You've got a character. Or a setting. Or one or two perfect scenes with oh-so perfect vibes that you can imagine clear as daylight in your head... But no storyline.

Hopefully this post solves that.

As a writer myself, I've struggled with this sort of thing a lot with the book I'm planning at the moment, so I'm writing from experience.

Very often, the posts I see talk about your character's motivation and goals - what they want to achieve in life, why they want it, but sometimes the characters we make don't have original goals, and therefore no motivation.

Here are a few thought processes to find a plot if your character has no original goals:

Think about how your story would start. What's normal life like for your character? Do they live in a snowy forest treehouse, and hunt food everyday, or do they live in a modern day city with shops and schools and phones?

Then think about what could change, and how that affects the character. Does a harsh winter cut off their food supply, meaning they have to go further away into the forest and then something happens? Or does a natural disaster hit some family or friends away in another town, and they have to go and check they're alright?

Think about these changes, and create some sort of problem that the character finds they could fix. Common things include family member falls ill and the character goes looking for a cure, character and Co have to flee their home because of said problem, some sort of evil has come to their home and they have to fight it, etc.

OR, you could think about what the character might do to muck things up. Maybe they accidentally (or on purpose) hurt a loved one, or they do something else that upsets a higher force, or a bad trait they have takes over for a few minutes, but at the end of it the damage is done - something the character does that they need to fix, then work out how they could fix it.

Your story will not entertain if the quest to fix the problem is easy. Think about some sort of obstacle that could hinder them - whether this be physical, emotional, or even magical (if your story includes magic), make sure you don't let them fix it without proving themselves.

MAKE SURE YOU WRITE THIS DOWN. you don't want to be reading this at 3am in the morning and then have a MASSIVE BRAIN SPARK and then forget it three hours later when you get up, and lose that information forever. Trust me. I know.

If you can't think of a problem, or any way that your character could have a problem, maybe go back to the drawing board and tweak your ideas slightly. Maybe include a slightly worse trait in your character, or think about what could happen to other characters - the possibilities are endless.

Good luck and happy writing!!

[sunsafewriting]

Hey :). I was hoping that maybe you would have some nuggets of wisdom regarding story pacing and plot. Everything you published on ao3 is so well paced and worded in such a way that the reader can vividly picture every scene. Sooo.. question: how do you plan out the plot of a story? And when you don't necessarily have a plot, how do you make sure that the scenes you want to write are well-connected/paced within the bigger narrative?

Anyways, I hope you have a great day. And answer or not, I will keep enjoying your work just the same.

hey mate! thanks for thinking of me but you have actually come to a terrible place for pacing advice bc that is definitely the part of writing that i struggle with most lol . but i shall tell you how I cope and hopefully some of that helps you (?)

basically I cannot plan to save my life. fic or original writing --- if I set out to outline, I come up with bad ideas and stress myself out of even starting. all the stories I plan are MUCH worse than the ones I don't. for some writers planning works great and if that's you that's awesome!!! but I am doomed to walk another path

what I do instead of planning a story is think about what I (me, personally, bc I write fic from a place of indulgence) WANT out of it. like, what's the stuff I wanna see? to me, the essential aspect of pacing is making that stuff feel important and worth it and earned. it has to have emotional weight or it won't be what I'm after .

that's also how I try to make scenes are connected; they're all focused around a general Vibe or Feeling I want to construct.

for example, in Do A Flip, what I wanted was all of them getting to become a family. and so I worked backwards from that --- what are the steps within steps within steps that lead them there? what little aspects can we put together to create that kind of image?

for pacing it's also handy sometimes to ask what the best bit about NOT being where you're aiming for yet is. like, what is worth lingering on and enjoying that isn't the end goal? what fun thing can you only have at THIS moment of the story, rather than later? it makes each part more fun to write .

I started with a much shorter version of the fic (14k) where I wrote a shoddy draft of the whole thing from Diego's pov, and then I went back and added a ton more pieces.

that's also something I use to help myself out (and because personally I love to write this way) --- I write in pieces.

this improves my pacing, because then I'm not having to constantly consider the whole structure. instead, I'm thinking about what the point of an individual fragment is --- what am I showing in this scene, and what does it mean? often it's just something small (like I want to show that Beatrice is comfortable with Ava holding her hand, or that Lilith tries to be friendly to Diego) but I function much better with a hundred bite sized pieces than a massive whole.

in these piece-style stories, I rely on the reader drawing connections between different parts and inferring rather than a smooth flow. it's just something I enjoy as a narrative form --- I like gaps and spaces where you figure bits out yourself.

I also rearrange a ton. scenes get cut and pasted to be in a new spot all the time bc I realise as I go that they could be tweaked and fit better somewhere else. when I'm writing, I also often just leave a break and write SCENE, and then jump on to the next one --- like I don't know how I'm going to fill it in yet, but I know I need something to separate out two more similar bits, or a different POV, or to slow down before X Event happens. half the time I have no idea where a chapter is going until the first version is almost done.

the other thing about pacing for me is that devastatingly I rely heavily on rewriting, editing, and cutting beloved scenes that don't super gel. chapters take SO long to come out bc I rewrite them 2-4 times. a lot of better (and less highly strung) writers don't need to do that much so please don't feel like it's necessary but it's definitely necessary for me bc without it my work would be a total shambles lmao. I also find the promise of rewriting means I'm less likely to freeze up or stare at a blank page because I will go back and improve/tidy up later.

I also think paying attention when you feel pretty meh about something is helpful for pacing. for example, I wrote a 6k version of chapter 3 of Favourable Conditions where a lot more happened, but I didn't like it. I got my girlfriend to read it and she said "the whole first part feels like you're racing to get to the second part, and then it all settles down". and she was totally right --- I had a scene I was excited to get to so I gunned it, but the overall feeling of the chapter suffered as a result. I split the chapter in half and then rewrote the whole first half as a chapter in its own right, and decided to focus on what fun stuff I could do there, rather than just skipping through to get to the rest. I ended up adding scenes that were the ones people in the comments liked most. I also ultimately decided to change the next few plot beats afterwards, based on how that went.

I would also say that generally speaking, not a lot happens in my stories. like, I go for smaller stakes and smaller actions that slowly add up --- mostly bc I'm writing very chilled out stuff. but if you're trying to build a character to the point of doing something drastic, it's a different ballgame to escalating them to some minor change. both are super doable, you've just got to keep in mind what you're aiming for. I like minor stakes because I enjoy trying to make small things like washing dishes or going to the park matter. it's also just the vibe of where I'm at right now --- previously I've written things that were a LOT more dramatic.

if you're really struggling, I would also suggest starting with writing something short. your blog is blank so I couldn't tell what kind of writing you might be interested in, but it's much easier to tweak and change and judge these things if you're working in a smaller area --- like a 2-4k oneshot --- than if you sit down to write 80k. I literally never sit down to write 80k of fic I just accidentally end up doing it lmao.

I hope some of that is vaguely useful? I don't have a lot of wisdom to dispense bc as you can see most of my process is crutches for getting around having no natural sense of pacing. if you have any more specific questions about pacing a particular scene or idea I might be able to help more?

but good luck! 💛

[sharky857]

The Palia Experience™ (so far)

Believe it or not, I'm trying it out because a friend of mine ended up despising this (beta) game so much they went and asked the game company to straight up delete their account for good.

Know that I won't dig into some controversial/sus stuff ongoing with some cosmetic bundles, because right now I am not even interested in purchasing a single thing in game.

All this is going to be purely from a(n oblivious) player's pov, who is also still a newb who's just "learned" how to plant & water crops.

For starter, I appreciated same ol' warnings for flashing lights & stuff. I'm not photo-sensitive myself, but I can see how this can be a nice thing for those who have this issue to varied degrees.

What I would also appreciate would be the possibility to have subtitles in the cutscenes (unless this option is already available but dumdum me couldn't spot it).

Customisation has lots of options to choose from right away, and I'm saying so as someone who comes from Warframe, where the only "Operator" free stuff is 4-5 hairstyles and a Zariman suit, with everything else locked behind either plats or a grindfest.

Besides, you can also have a small selection of colours to tweak. This is what I ended up mashing together.

The graphic looks cartoony/simplistic, and it kinda reminds me of another game: "Paladins" (another friend of mine described it as "generic unity style 'cutesy fantasy' aesthetics").

Makes me wonder if this has anything to do with both games running on "Unreal Engine". 🤔

Also, despite my PC would meet the requirements to run the game at "high" settings, I decided to keep them at the default ones the game itself chose: "medium". This resulted in my GPU (GTX 1650) not breaking a sweat, ever and unironically.

(Yes, this means that my screenshots are all taken with the graphics set on "medium".)

Even so, it hasn't been uncommon for me to see the game freeze and/or stutter. What left me puzzled this whole time is that the CPU (of the i7 kind) would at time show spikes of 60% usage. A sign that, maybe, the graphic isn't as "simplistic" as it looks.

Still, I have yet to experience any game implosion, so I guess I am still all good here.

And btw: yes, the game devs themselves know about the latter issues I mentioned. 👇

There is only one thing that keeps on leaving me quite fascinated.

Queue. Queue everywhere.

Apparently, the servers are still so damn tiny that, no matter where you're trying to load into, even though you are already logged in game, you will have a high chance of seeing a message like this in the corner of the loading screen. 👇

Logging into the game? "X Palians ahead of you."

Loading into a cutscene before/after a quest? "X Palians ahead of you."

Going to the village? "X Palians ahead of you."

Coming back to your tent/home? "X Palians ahead of you."

Imagine playing something like Warframe (the only other co-op game with quests I could think of). Imagine if you loaded in your own Orbiter and tried to start absolutely anything, even while in "solo" mode:

Loading a mission: "X Tenno ahead of you."

Starting/Progressing with a quest whatever: "X Tenno ahead of you."

Waiting for the cutscene(s) to said quest to load: "X Tenno ahead of you."

Going to a relay or a free roam (imagine instances didn't exist either): "X Tenno ahead of you."

Moving back to your Orbiter to call it a day: "X Tenno ahead of you."

You got the picture. Not really a fun and also sliiiightly irritating in the long run. 😅

But hey, it's a beta game that has just come out of "closed beta" only 1-2 days ago. So hopefully they will be able to expand their servers soon enough.

As for the gameplay itself, it's nothing really special to me, probably because I am already familiar with some of the mechanics. I've seen this being called "a mix between Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley", and so far I'm mildly getting the latter's vibes (never played any "Animal Crossing" game).

All in all, if I were to rate this game on a scale of 0 to 10, I would give it a generous 7. "Generous" because of the aforementioned controversy with the bundle discounts so-called "scam" (which is still unclear whether or not it's been accidental, haven't kept up with the news in this regards), plus the current, microscopic size of the servers.

[petscrub]

Btw i feel soooo much better after a week of wanting to kms! Like its kinda weird how fast i recovered from that and how…. Extremely positive i am rn… 🥴 hopefully nothing to worry about! Lmao. But i am starting a new project, something ive mentioned here before but ive kinda tweaked it so its gonna be a little different but very much the same vibes. Im really excited for it bc its something i have been thinking about and experimenting with and collecting research on for awhile now! Im not rushing myself which is so unusual for me and i am taking the time to make it high quality. I cant wait to have some stuff to actually show u guys…. Soon!!!! 🔜…. I also feel insanely more in tune with myself, needs, wants, and goals. Perfect time of year for that isnt it…. Im very satisfied with where i am heading and i know its going to take a lot of hardwork but at least i feel a sense of cohesiveness and determination!!! Im hopeful. I can see it happening u know? I love that i dont feel all over the place but rather i am focused and more self assured. I decided im gonna work on my business that i am building which i think (hope) u guys will really like, and i’m going to continue to write that novel i am working on. But in a more serious and structured way!! I asked myself what would u want to tell ppl u just met if they ask you what you do, who you are? And “artist” (umbrella term for me being a designer/visual artist) and a writer! I want to be able to tell ppl, yes, i am working on a book, and yes i am designing my own business through my visions and style and art. Idk. It feels really nice and is a significant change from how i felt last week lol 🥴🥴

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #9: junclassic

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

My name is junclassic. One word. All small letters. Like dead prez and ee cummings. My recent project is my latest album, Long Days and Short Lives. It's an album that explores daily mundane experiences that sometimes comprise a long day. While having those long days, we often contemplate what got us there and question whether we are moving in the right direction with our lives. These moments can conjure feelings of great inspiration as well as deep despair and crippling self doubt. It can make a good guy wanna flip. Hopefully, at the end of all that contemplation we obtain a calm wisdom or a carefully crafted perspective that somehow guides us through the uncertainty.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I write wherever. In the 90s, I often wrote on the A, J, and E trains. Or in Baisley Park on a bench for hours with a Dutch and a Heineken. Nowadays I write mostly in my bedroom or in my girl's living room. For some reason, I feel like I come up with my best shit at my girl's crib when she is knocked out. So this is between like 2 and 6am. That's when I'm in the zone. I tend to write at night. Often till sun comes up. On Long Days and Short Lives, from a song called "Suit of Armor," one of my favorites on the project, the first bar is: "When I'm inspired I can't sleep / That's when I'm at my best." I stay up like insomniacs in laundromats. Ha. There was definitely a time when I disciplined myself by forcing myself to write. Back in '96, I joined my first group, E and J, with my man Ed. We used to practice knocking out three verses. Two 16s (one each) and two 8s for the 3rd verse within 4 hours or less. Ed said one day, "What if they need a new song from us and we gotta tour the next day? We gotta be able to knock 'em out." For some reason, that rigid approach made a mark on me. And I continued to force myself to write bars for years. But the mindset became, "Lemme write now while I can. Because the day may come when I can't write anymore." So I pushed out a lot of material. But now, I don't like to force it. I'd rather it come naturally. Plus, I'm a lot more choosy with my words these days. I also stack lines in the back of my notebook, which I've been doing since 1997, so when I feel the urge to write and get stuck, I have lines I can run to the back of the notebook to keep the vibe going.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

My medium is paper. Always will be. Sometimes I think of a line, then scratch it out and tweak it. Sometimes I move lines around. I need a visual medium to see and read the words. Never been too good at constructing verses in my head. That's an amazing talent I have rarely come across. But I used to be nasty off the top.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

I write in bars. Learned to count them early during the E and J days in 1996. Counting bars was important because that's how we knew when a song was complete. For me and E, it was a race to 16. Soon as we hit that sweet 16 it was a celebration. Crack the Cisco!

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

It varies on when I know whether a verse or song is or isn't working. Might be midway, verse and a half in, when I say, "This ain't it." I've had some ambitious concepts I tried to do that I couldn't properly pull off. And I didn't realize it until the 4th verse. Yep. 4th verse. I'll share that one. I wanted to do a tribute to Nas' "I Gave You Power" back in 2020 for my last album The Hope Business. So I wrote a song from the perspective of a body camera that somehow gains self awareness. After repeatedly witnessing police brutality in real time, the camera decides to detonate itself and explode on a bigoted officer. In the first two verses, I described several horrific scenes that really happened. The third verse the camera gets awareness. And in the 4th verse it detonates. But after nearing completion, I just felt like something was missing from the song. So I never recorded the joint. Still got the lyrics, though. I don't discard lyrics. Them shits take a long time to come up with. Still got verses in my head from 1997 that I find very interesting and just might use one day.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I have engaged in other writing outside of rhymes fo sho. I work with at-risk youth as part of my 9-to-5, and I have to document what we discuss and some of the activities we partake in. So I write nonfiction for a living. I think it helps with my writing process. The things the kids experience and my advice to them also adds to my perspective. I really like to focus on details. I think capturing detail makes for compelling writing. I want to get better at that. And the nonfiction writing is full of details. So that helps. 

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I definitely edit verses. But I used to be much quicker with my editing than I am now. I definitely labor over verses. I'll be stuck on a line for a half hour or longer. I'll burn an L and sit there and stare at that page until those words come. And when that breakthrough happens! Man, it's euphoric. It's a great release. But if I really can't get it, I'll go for a walk. Listen to music. Or watch something interesting and come back to it. Sometimes I might just say eff it and stop. Start something new. And never come back to it until I stumble over the four bars previously abandoned and think, "This is dope!" and add that four to the new verse I started. Or make it a hook.

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

Sometimes I'll write to a beat. But my preferred method is writing acapella. That's where I started. Writing in class my junior year of high school. Writing on the train. Writing when I had no music. So my flow, my enunciation of the words, became the music. The way the words rolled off the tongue made a beat of its own. Which I always thought was dope. The method I use the most is listening to the beat for a bit, finding the tempo, then writing with no beat. Sometimes the beat playing repeatedly can become a distraction. I wanna focus on the words.

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

The direction of the lyrics depend. Usually the beat will dictate the lyrical concept. But there are times when I have lyrics and find a beat that works for them. But typically the beat brings out the content. For the song "Dignity," off Long Days, the beat called for the content. But funny enough, I had a lot of those bars before I heard the beat: "Panicking / Team player but I'm managing / Need some peanut butter so we can smother the jam I'm in." I had that line already. But I was looking for a moody beat to drop those to. Shout to Koba Dera, who produced "Dignity." He nailed it. My man l8sho told me that song is gonna be his winter anthem. That beat feels like a cold wind. 

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I definitely like to play with flows and rhyme schemes. I feel like the best emcees keep the listener guessing. So I try to be somewhat unpredictable. I'd say I have four different flows. I have a slow steady flow. I have a fast flow. I have this thing about rhyming words in between the bars. And I have a more traditional flow where I gotta make the end of every bar rhyme. But I prefer to play with it. There are times when I am rigid and sparse with the flow, but that's usually when I'm just talking to the listener. On "Cousin Boogzee," produced by Iron Fizt, another cat who nailed it with the beat, I'm just talking: "And it's sweet when the mayor saying crime going down / While rounds are going off / And kids are diving toward the ground/...I mean diving like they by the pool / They bodied my little bro right by the school". Rest in Paradise Step.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

A verse I'm particularly proud of is the second verse in "Suit of Armor," a song I mentioned earlier. The verse: "You barter with mortgage lenders / I argue with fortune tellers." So you are doing grown man business by working on a mortgage. I'm arguing with people who predict the future. I am not where you are. I'm in a more desperate position. Then it continues, "Had past lives I just can't remember / Or surrender…" Then one of my favorite bars, "Fake promises / Raised my pain tolerance." That's just real. "Remain anonymous / Strain to maintain dominance." Then arguably my favorite four bars on the whole project: "Old head / Steps on the train looking so calm / Train starts moving but dude don't even hold on / Every stride worry free / I glance at him nervously / Hope he don't slip but he used to the adversity." He's used to shit being difficult. That's why his stride is worry free, despite the train moving. He does this shit. Daily. So it's not as intense or scary to him.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

A favorite bar of mine became the album title. I said in 1997: "Brothers going through long days and short lives." That was so compelling to me I held onto that shit for 25 years and named my new album after that bar. It says so much with so little. Since I dropped this album on November 4th, several people I met through music have passed away. The oldest was 50. That's a short life. God Bless Your life Big Spiega. God bless Your life Kuya Alan. I feel the most profound lines are the ones that seem simple but can mean so much.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I definitely feel a way about punch-ins. To me, it's cheating. Something I try not to do, unless absolutely necessary. I come from being able to perform your music. Not rapping over vocals either. That shit is the worst. Sounds like two people talking at the exact same time. Hate that shit! I like to be able to deliver the verse in one reading or one take. But a one-take recording and having it sound right is a rare and extremely difficult task. But I rarely punch-in. I'll do it over and over until I can get it with no punches. Did I punch on my new album? Yes. Yes I did.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Non-hiphop that inspires me is my life. My life and mood at the time I create heavily dictates what comes off the pen. I recently had a situation that inspired the "Pull Up" song on the album. I felt aggressive when I wrote that after an unfriendly encounter, so that's what came out. That vibe was missing from the album so I added it in the 11th hour after J Slikk sent this crazy ass beat. And many people dig the song, so I guess they feel where I'm coming from. I am also inspired by Prince. "Work to Do" by The Isley Brothers motivated me to move the pen in 2022 after seeing them perform it on Verzuz. "I got work to do. Work to dooooo." Their sound, the harmonies, and the urgency in their message, emboldened me to share my urgency and insecurities. 

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

Self-doubt is real. I write until I like my writing. But once I put it out for consumption, all the self-doubt and insecurity comes roaring back. Now my perspective doesn't mean so much. I may think it's dope as hell. But if I don't get feedback that substantiates my perceived dopeness, it affects the way I feel about the work. I question it. And I often feel like I was bugging and it really ain't all that. Until someone validates it and says, "This is incredible." That has happened repeatedly with Long Days and Short Lives. There was a time when I couldn't listen to the album because I thought people weren't listening. When people quote certain lines, that puts a great battery in my back that I'm on-point. But self-doubt is a mafucka, and it rears its ugly head after every release I put out. 

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Nas is the GOAT to me. I feel like my flow starts to speed up when I listen to him too much. Nas got the illest flow. DOOM is another one. Especially with the one-liners and rhyming words in between the rhymes as well as at the end of the bar. DOOM is one of the best at that and I find myself doing it a lot. Jadakiss and his measured flow is another style I imitate. Buckshot started it all for me, though. Enta Da Stage is my favorite album. Buck's delivery is perfect. I like how measured his words are. That's something I try to recreate. Till I listen to Nas and wanna add more words in each bar again - haha. 

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I realized a long time ago that I'd rather inform than entertain. I don't wanna have to rap a fantasy life just to keep your interest. Listen listener, it ain't about you. Many years ago, maybe 2009, I wrote: "I do the music cause it's therapeutic / I used to sit secluded / With Clue exclusives / And catch visions to it." I write because it helps me make sense out of a nonsensical world. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm trying to capture the details that make it all make sense. On the last song of Long Days and Short Lives, a song called "Talkin' Bout," I start the verse with: "Shinin' / Feeling like a blind man drivin' / I ain't really knowin' where I'm goin' / But I'm ridin'." That felt so real to me. I don't know where I'm headed, but I know I'm moving somewhere. And I'm confident. I'm riding with my chest out. Like a blind man driving. I may not be able to see forward, but I'm moving forward regardless.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

[artaefact]

bakery 1995.

—wordcount: 14.7k+

—genre: angst, fluff, romance, baker!jimin, bakery cafe au, childhood friends-to-lovers au

—pairing: park jimin x f reader ft. bestfriend!jungkook

—rating: pg-15

—warnings: age gap (jimin is 4-5 years older), brief mention of physical assault, memory loss, overprotective parents, some intended grammatical mistakes, swearings, y/n is dragged into jungkook’s shenanigans

—summary: After returning from college for summer break, you got yourself a part time job to keep yourself busy. However, things go way too unexpectedly and you find yourself unraveling your forgotten past.

author’s note: this is for @btswritingcafe promptly yours event !! i tweaked the prompt a bit, so hopefully no one would get confused! happy reading ♡

Prompt: “Person A once had a major childhood crush on Person B. Fast forward to college where Person A is convinced it was nothing but temporary, that is until they return home for summer break to find Person B back after being gone for several years. Turns out, they weren’t such temporary feelings.”

© artaefact/eunoiabliss 2020. All rights reserved. Copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform or by any means is NOT permitted.

It’s nice to know that no matter how judgemental the world can be, pigeons would never judge you. Despite the clear contrast between yourself and the asphalt pathway, they would not hesitate to excrete waste on either of them and can’t even be bothered by the possible consequences.

Staring at the dropping on your jacket sleeve, you exhale loudly while rummaging your pocket for a kleenex.

‘Out of all the places where their shit could have landed on, it had to be MY jacket,’ you grumble to yourself.

Reaching towards the bakery in the area, you hope they still have some cinnamon rolls you have been craving for. You can already imagine yourself humming in delight as the sweetness spreads across your taste buds and—

“You have got to be kidding me.”

The cashier attendee bows apologetically at you. “We’re so sorry, all the cinnamon rolls are sold out for today.”

Today must be the worst day to date in your entire years of existence. How on earth can a bakery run out of cinnamon rolls?

Groaning internally, you trudge out of the, now, third bakery that has sold out their cinnamon rolls.

Bad luck seems to follow you throughout the day. Is it because you went out of the house while your parents were in the middle of nagging you? For the last few days after you came back home for summer break, they have been constantly nagging you and you would kill to have an hour of peace and quiet.

Mindlessly, you whip up your phone and search up on Google while you walk to the nearby bus station, typing in the search bar — is it bad luck if a bird pooped on you?

Biting your lower lip, you press on the first link that appears on the screen.

Bird poop may be a sign of hope in disguise, you read. Snorting in incredulity, you scroll through the webpage.

It can’t be good luck.

You are not the type to believe in superstitions, however, besides getting pooped on, you dropped your phone on the pavement of the sidewalk just before you reached the first bakery, an hour ago. This resulted in the annoying crack of the screen right in the middle of it. Not only that, the sole of your right tennis shoes came off halfway which hindered you from walking properly and made you look like someone who hurt their leg.

Having had enough for today, you decide to go back home. Until a pastel pink store, right across the street, catches your attention with its aesthetic-looking door.

What’s this? A new—

A dramatic gasp escapes your lips after reading the name of the store, earning confused stares from nearby people. But you couldn’t care less.

Maybe Lady Luck does still care about you.

As soon as the pedestrian light turns green, you excitedly run, no, shuffle through the zebra-cross, reaching the newly-opened bakery.

My last hope is here. Please, let there be—

The interior of the bakery exudes a welcoming vibe, with the color of pale pink being the dominant over the whole place. Basically, it's a place where those Instagram models would kill to take their pictures at. However, it’s not the interior itself that your focus locks on. When the smell of freshly baked goods wafts into your nose, your eyes zero themselves on the various types of pastries that line the display counter, covered in glass domes. And there it is.

“Yes!” You squeal, grabbing the bakery tray to fill it as much as you’d like.

When you place the filled tray in the cash register counter, the cashier comments, “Woah, that’s a lot.”

If it is a normal day, you would have waved it off. However, unfortunately for the guy, it isn’t a normal day for you, after the constant annoying incidents that happened to you earlier. The comment snaps the last thread of patience you have for the day and sadly, targets the person in front of you. “I think you should mind your own—”

You take your thoughts back. Lady Luck is not on your side nor is the universe. They must be having fun, playing pranks on you so much today.

Your words cease immediately at his sheepish yet attractive smile.

“I-I’m sorry,” you stammer. “Just having a really bad day and I—”

“No! That’s okay.” The guy grins at you, eyes turning into crescent moons. “I’m the one who should be sorry, I just said the first thing that came up in my mind.”

“Ah...”

“I suck at starting conversations,” he says, sheepishly. “It’s a skill I’m planning to improve.”

Blinking twice, you manage to smile back at him, most probably just a cringed expression. “Well, um, good luck with that.”

As soon as he hands you the paper bag, you dash out of the bakery, not once looking back.

Your cheeks feel hot during the whole trip back home, every time you remember what happened, you would mentally kick yourself.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Eating the warm cinnamon rolls is a blessing and a curse.

You have never tasted such heavenly flavour before, all your worries and exhaustion seem to fade away. This brings you to freeze in the realisation that you’ll want, no, need to go back to that bakery to buy those delicious rolls again. Meaning, you’ll see that cute guy whom you snapped at earlier, again.

His friendly eye-smile burns deep in your mind. But you can’t shrug off the sense of familiarity of his face and his voice…

Have I met him before?

Once you reach home, body aching and tired, you take a quick shower before digging into the rolls. Clicking your tongue, you continue to munch on the rolls in your room while your thoughts pull you in deep.

The sudden knock on your door, however, brings you back to the present. Groaning loudly, you stand up from your padded window seat.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Jungkook.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Your mouth agape at the sudden visit from your best friend. “Didn’t you say you won’t see me at all until break is over?”

“I might have changed my mind. I was very bored at home.” He enters your room, plopping on your beanbag. “So, now I am bored as hell and— Did you buy food without telling me?”

You met him during freshman year and you both hit it off quite quickly, you might add. After constantly pairing up together in projects, college project meetups gradually turned into hangouts.

“Says the one who claims to see my face every day makes him sick.” You roll your eyes at his dramatic ass, you go back to the window seat, crossing your legs. “It wasn’t planned, okay? I just got back home like thirty minutes ago.”

“But still you nearly finished everything without leaving me much!” He bit your last half-finished roll, letting out a noise of approval. “Which bakery did you buy it from?”

“It’s a new one. I never saw it before we went to college.”

“You should bring me there soon.”

“Nu-uh,” you refuse. “You can go yourself. I am not stepping a foot inside that place any longer.”

“What? Why not?”

“I may have embarrassed myself in front of the worker there.” Then you tell him what happened earlier.

Jungkook shakes his head in pity. “My poor Y/N, how do you always embarrass yourself when I’m not around? How would you survive in this world without me?”

Snorting at his words, you lean against the pillows on your back. “You’re the lucky one to have someone like me as his best friend. Anyways, how about that job I’m looking for?”

“Oh!” Jungkook’s eyes lit up. “Right, I was about to tell you! My friend is looking for a part-timer for his cafe.”

“Hmm, that sounds…”

Jungkook answers, “Boring? I know you’re looking for something much more exciting and—”

Narrowing your stare at Jungkook’s obvious judgmental face, you cut him off. “It sounds perfect, actually.”

Sighing, Jungkook whips up his phone. “You better bring me leftovers every time you get off work. I’ll bring you to his cafe tomorrow.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“What? Why?”

“You little shit—” You smack his arm.

“Ow! Stop that, woman! I thought you said—”

“This is a fucking bakery, dumbass!” You hiss at him.

Jungkook gapes at you. “It’s a bakery cafe, what’s the difference?”

“It’s different! I can’t go back in there!” You whine in embarrassment.

“Wait— So this is the bakery where you embarrassed yourself?”

Nodding wordlessly, you exhale before catching Jungkook failing to stifle his laughter. “Shouldn’t be too big of a problem. He’s nice, Y/N.”

“But—”

“And I told him you were coming…” Jungkook scratches the back of his head.

After contemplating for a while, you decided to gather your courage and enter the sweet-smelling bakery with Jungkook.

Too late to go back now. It was either this or staying bored at home for the rest of the summer break, facing your parents’ look of disapproval at your lack of daily activities, or to be more exact productivity.

The cute guy just finished placing cakes inside the glass displays on the counter, then his gaze shifts to where you and Jungkook are standing.

“Jungkook!” The cute guy’s brown hair is slicked back as he takes off his baker’s hat, approaching your best friend.

“It’s been so long, Hyung!” Jungkook greets back with a hug, smiling from ear to ear. “And wow—” His eyes skim through the pastel-themed cafe. “You finally opened your own cafe.”

Watching them interacting is a foreign sight to you. It’s a rare right to see Jungkook, the usually shy one, so friendly and comfortable around the cute guy.

If you’re lucky enough, maybe the cute guy won’t remember you and—

“Ah! Miss Cinnamon Rolls!”

Scratch that. Of course, he still remembers you.

“I didn’t know you were looking for a job.” His eye smile lands on you finally and your throat dries up.

Jungkook fails to hold back his laughter. “Miss Cinnamon Rolls? Just how much did you buy last time?”

After sending a brief glare at your best friend, you introduce yourself to the cute guy, “Y/N.”

As soon as your name slips past your lips, the cute guy freezes momentarily, eyes widening a fraction. “Y/N?”

You nod slowly.

“Uh,” He fumbles. “Jimin. Park Jimin.”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“So, this is the kitchen area. We need to get the place ready by 8:30. Can you come by at 6 the latest?”

You nod at his question.

“We have a different menu each day. It will take some time for you to learn everything. But don’t worry I’ll teach everything you need to know.” He shoots you a smile, sending your heart to slightly flutter as you fiddle with your fingers.

Thank goodness Jungkook has left. Or else you’d never hear the end of his teasing or knowing smirk.

“I’m starting with bread and cakes these past few days before I open up the cafe section.”

For the rest of the day, Jimin spends his time letting you know everything about how the bakery runs whenever there are no customers. Even gracing you with two pieces of freshly-baked cinnamon rolls which made your cheeks burn in embarrassment at the memory of your first encounter.

“Go ahead, enjoy it,” Jimin shoots you a knowing grin.

Muttering a quiet ‘okay’, you take the first bite — holding a delighted groan at the sweetness that bursts through your tastebuds.

Propping his chin on his hand, he stares at you in amusement. “You must really like cinnamon rolls, huh?”

“They’re my comfort food,” you admit after swallowing down a piece. “My late grandmother used to make a lot of rolls at home.”

“I see… Well, have you ever baked before, Y/N?”

“The basic stuff like chocolate chip cookies…”

“Oh, that’s great—”

You added quickly, “But I nearly burned down Jungkook’s kitchen, though. He banned me from the kitchen ever since.”

A surprised laugh escapes the man’s lips which you don’t mind hearing more often, especially if you are the one behind it.

“At least the cookies still turned out great. It was a bit on the burnt side but still good… Crispy and crunchy.” You nervously chuckle. “But I swear, I’m not that bad if you provide a clear recipe!”

Still giggling, Jimin leans forward on his seat. “I can teach you everything you need to know. The basic stuff on baking and then there would be clear recipes I can provide you.”

Your eyes lighten up at that. “Yes! I’ll try my best.”

Arriving at the bakery at 6 am sharp, the next day — your official first day at work — Jimin can be seen moving back and forth from the small window opening connecting the kitchen and the bakery itself, already busy in the kitchen.

The smell of his work wafts through the entire bakery, indicating that he has been there for quite some time. Once you enter the kitchen, your mouth waters instinctively at the smell and sight of freshly-baked breads on the counter.

“How can I help?” From observing the finished baked goods, your eyes shift curiously at some ingredients — eggs, chocolate chips, sugar, flour — on the kitchen counter while you tighten the knot of your apron.

“You’re going to bake some chocolate chip cookies.” Jimin places a tray full of another different set of bread near the first one through the window. “So, go ahead, preheat the oven first.”

Following his instruction, you move towards one of the ovens. “Um…”

The corner of his lips quirks up at your obvious confusion before he chimes on how hot the oven should be set on.

With a brief nod, you turn on the oven. “Is this a test to see how far my baking skills go?” When you take a glimpse of the honey-haired man, he returns it with an amused grin of his own.

“Bingo.” Jimin’s smile is boyish and carefree and his eyes become crescent moons.

In other words, it made your heart race. However, you dismiss such unprofessional thoughts quickly before blood rises to your cheeks.

Clearing your throat, you move to the counter and start mixing the necessary ingredients altogether and set the dough on the baking tray. When the oven is preheated, you bring the tray towards it only to realise your mistake too late: not opening the oven first.

“Let me help,” Jimin says softly, opening the oven deftly.

“T-Thanks...” you mumble, concentrating on the task at hand.

Time passes quickly, before you know it, the oven makes a soft ‘ting’ sound. Opening it, the sweet smell wafts through the kitchen.

“I did it!” you say, excitedly placing the hot tray on the marble counter.

“But the final test is how the cookies taste.”

You watch in nervous anticipation as Jimin pops one of the cookies into his mouth. Not a moment later, he lets out a surprised sound.

“This is really good, Y/N. You do have the talent to bake.”

You beam at his words.

“Since that’s all set, I believe we still have other kinds of pastries to prepare for the day. I have all the recipes prepared for you here.” He motions to the notebook on the counter — you flip through it, astonished at all the recipes.

“Are these your own personalised recipes?”

Nodding, Jimin shoots you a grin. “I’ve always loved baking and there are some ways to make things with their own unique taste.”

The rest of the upcoming hour, you and Jimin were busy baking with Jimin instructing and giving you pointers. At some point, you even talked about anything and everything, as if you both have known each other all your life while you both work.

You have to admit, you find it really enjoyable. When the bakery closes, you sit quietly on one of the empty tables near the cashier after Jimin tells you to wait.

Mindlessly flipping through his recipe notebook, your attention soon shifts to Jimin himself with a steaming cup in his hold.

“Here.” He sets the cup in front of you.

You look at him quizzically before he motions for you to try.

“I’m opening the cafe part next week,” Jimin says. “Thought you can be the first to judge my caramel macchiato.”

“That’s a lot of caramel in one drink…” For a few moments, you observe the steaming coffee, froth decorates the top of it with drizzles of caramel in patterns of criss-cross nearly covering most of the foam itself. “Why caramel macchiato, though?”

“I thought you’d—” He clears his throat. “So many people really love caramel macchiato. So, I thought I’d go with this one for you to try first.”

Bringing the cup carefully to your lips, you take a sip of the beverage. The texture of the coffee is so smooth and the slight bitterness spreads through your taste buds and down your throat. Then you taste the caramel, letting out a delighted surprise when you find caramel bits inside the beverage.

Jimin keeps his stare on you, one hand supporting his chin and his eyes unreadable.

“What is it?” You ask, after downing the drink.

He blinks as if he was lost in his own thoughts. “Uh, how is it?”

“It’s very good.”

“Do you like coffee?” He asks.

Nodding, you tell him you loved to steal your mom’s coffee when you were younger. “There used to be a cafe near my place. I used to go there frequently during my high school years.”

Jimin briefly stills at yours words. “Do you... Still go there?”

You shake your head. “It was closed two years ago unfortunately.”

“Hmm, that’s a shame. I would’ve wanted to try the coffee there.”

Chuckling at his words, your mind takes you back to your high school days. “It was really good.”

Humming to yourself, you continue to flip through the pages of Jimin’s recipe notebook. “What’s this?” You stop at one page, pointing at a child’s drawing on his recipe notebook. “Did you draw it when you were younger?”

“It’s a shooting star.” Jimin answers. “And, no. I didn’t.”

“Oh? Sister? Brother?”

“I don’t have a sister and my brother just does not have the artistic skill to draw that,” he laughs. “It was someone from my past. Someone who is precious to me.”

“Oh…” Noticing his faraway gaze on the notebook, you sense it is a sensitive topic. “Why a shooting star though?”

“It represents hopes and wishes, according to her.” His smile turns nostalgic. “I was having a hard time back then. But this girl,” he chuckles as if in disbelief. “— just straight up grabbed my notebook and drew a shooting star on it, saying I should wish on this star since seeing a shooting star is not that common here.”

There’s something sad but warm in Jimin’s tone as he talks about this girl. You can only assume that this girl is not in his life anymore. Or even in this world.

“I see…”

“As ridiculous as it sounds, I actually did it. Very frequently in all honesty. Whenever I’m having a hard time, I’d wish upon that star.”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

A week passes quickly and just like a normal day, you arrive back home just a quarter past eight. Tugging off your shoes near the doorway, you hear your dad calling from the living room.

“Yes?” Mindlessly, you step into the living room only to meet the stern glare from him.

“Where were you?” Your dad asks. “Do you have any idea what time it is now?”

“It’s around eight...”

“And your curfew?”

Furrowing your brows, you gape, “I thought that was back in high school.”

“That still applies until now. I expect you to come back before seven.” Then he repeats his question, “Where were you?”

“From my new part-time place.” You answer. “I thought I told you about it.”

“If you want a job, you can intern in the company for the summer,” your dad sighs. “There’s no need for part-time jobs.”

You should have known it would last just three days before you are missing your university life, or to be more specific living alone. With the constant nagging from your parents, you crave for silence for a period of time. One thing you have been missing quite badly you have to admit, which is why you took the job in the bakery. Away from the scrutinising stares of your parents.

Here it goes again.

“I don’t think I’m ready to start there, Dad,” you exhale. “I want to do other things while I can.”

The same topic, the same debate you’d try to avoid as much as possible ever since you arrived back home for the summer. That was why you’d try to find something else to do. You always wanted to try a new hobby over the holidays. Now, with the excess amount of time in your hands, you are able to try.

That is why you opt for the part time job Jungkook found — working in the bakery.

“This isn’t going to work if you get home after your curfew, Y/N. You know how dangerous it is if you come home late.”

“I’m an adult now,” you reply, exasperatedly. “I can take care—”

“Things can get unpredictable, Y/N. It’s better that you’re safe than sorry.”

“Dad, when will you stop reminding me of that?” You groan in annoyance. “I don’t even remember how the accident happened.”

“The more reason for you to be cautious!”

Exasperated, you storm up to your room and carelessly throw your bag on the side of your bed. Laying on your back, you stare at the ceiling as your thoughts muddle when you try to think of what happened.

All you remember back then is that you woke up in the hospital, met with the worried gaze of your parents as soon as you got your consciousness back. However, they never tell or fill you in on what happened.

Gradually, your eyelids grow heavier — exhausted from the day and the burst of negative emotions over the argument you had earlier. Thus, you succumb to sleep. However, your mind takes you elsewhere.

Everything is dark.

With your own ragged breathing, you struggle to keep yourself as quiet as possible, biting down a hiss from the sting of your scraped knees. Tears pool in your eyes as you wait, hidden behind one of the playground’s slides and out of sight of any possible passerby.

There are no memories of what happened beforehand. All you know is to stay there and wait.

“Y/N?”

Peeking out of your hiding place, the figure draws closer calling your name in another hushed whisper.

But you knew this voice. So, you whispered back, “Here...” As soon as you get out of your hiding place, a warm embrace envelops your small frame.

“We’re okay, everything’s okay. I’ve lost them. We’re safe now,” he whispers, stroking your head softly while your fists clench on his shirt.

Not a moment later, your tears start to fall and you sob into his shirt. He tightens his hold on you, one hand on the back of your head as he repeatedly whispers, “It’s okay, I’m here.”

“I’m here...” His voice then seems to echo and your surrounding becomes a blur.

When you open your eyes, you realise you’re back in your room yet there are stray tears in your eyes. Sitting up on your bed, you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.

Was that a memory…?

“Have a good day.” You bid the last customer of the day farewell and once they leave, your cheeks droop into a frown. With a sigh, you walk out of the cashier register place towards the front door, turning the ‘Open’ plate to ‘Close’.

The dream you had last night still felt so vivid that you considered it was a flashback of your memory loss. You wanted to ask your parents about it. However, yesterday’s conflict was still fresh. You were sure they would dismiss it.

After cleaning up the counters of the bakery café and mopping the floors, you trudge into the break room, sitting down on one of its chairs as you wait for Jimin’s return from his “errand”.

Your mind takes you back to the dream where someone was hugging you tight.

Who was it? you wonder. In the back of your mind, somehow you never felt his warmth among your high school friends. The guy who was holding you is just different.

You are so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t realise Jimin entering until he brings something right in front of your face. “What—”

“Hot chocolate,” he answers, softly. “You seem distracted today, I thought this might cheer you up.”

Taking the steaming cup from him, you mutter your thanks before breathing in the sweet smell, blowing softly on the beverage. “That was fast.”

“Hmm?”

“Wait, did you go out to buy this?” You lift the warm cup of hot chocolate.

Jimin lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “I wanted to make you one. Until I realised that the ingredients are finished. So, I had to run out.”

“You didn’t have to, you know…”

“I know. But I wanted to anyway.”

Your eyes look down, can’t help feeling touched by his sweet gesture as you fight back to keep yourself from blushing.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He must have noticed the change of your expression before he says quickly, “Only if you’re comfortable, of course! I just thought talking about what’s on your mind can ease you. At least a bit.”

Blinking your eyes twice, a chuckle escapes your lips. “I guess so.”

“That’s your first smile today.”

You raise a brow at him.

“Your first real smile, I mean. Your cheekbones do not have much tension if you’re genuinely happy whereas if you fake a smile, it seems more like you’re cringing. Like our first encounter.” He chuckles, meaningfully.

“I’m sorry...” you mumble, eyes glancing down at the steaming hot chocolate on your lap.

“That’s fine,” he says easily. “Everyone has their bad days.”

You smile slightly at his words. “Had a fight with my parents last night.”

Jimin stays quiet, still listening to you.

“They are always so protective when it comes to me. Maybe a bit too much at times. I’m a grown adult for fuck’s sake.” Another sigh escapes your lips before taking a sip of the hot chocolate. “My dad especially. He made it sound like a big deal when I came home around eight. I’m just frustrated at this.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

You nod in response.

“Was there something that made your dad feel that way?”

“I...” You blink. “I guess it’s because that one time I ended up in the hospital?”

“You did?”

You nod. “A few years ago, I had an accident.”

Jimin stiffens at your words. “Oh?”

“But it was nothing. I didn’t even remember what happened in all honesty.”

He stutters, “W-What?”

“I lost my memories. I had no recall of the accident at all.” Eyes training blankly on your front, focusing on nothing as you dive back into your memories. “My parents told me there is nothing to worry about and my memories would come back gradually. They never filled me in on what happened too.”

The corner of his lips soon quirks up slightly, his expression wistful. “Maybe they wouldn’t want you to be traumatised by what happened. It’s already fortunate enough for you to be able to recover from your head injury.”

“Yeah... I guess so,” you mumble.

However, since that incident you can’t deny the feeling of something missing since a chunk of your life has been cut off. No memories of the accident have returned even after years. Recovering from the head injury—

“Wait—” Head snapping to face Jimin. “How did you know I had a head injury?”

Jimin blinks repeatedly, as if your words just sink in. “Ah! I mean isn’t it a head injury? You lost your memories after all.” An awkward laugh escapes his lips. “Usually, people who lost their memories have head injuries, right?”

“Well, yeah...”

“Anyways, finish the hot chocolate and you should head home before your parents—”

Suddenly, a wave of deja vu washes over you. Snapping your gaze from the hot chocolate in your hands, you look at Jimin as your brain starts to grow fuzzy at the familiarity of Jimin’s words.

“Jimin...” you begin.

“Huh?”

“Have we ever met before I started working here?”

“You mean the first time you came into this bakery?”

You shake your head. “No, even before that. Did we know each other?”

A surprised glint appears in his eyes before it dissipates as quick as it appears. “I don’t think so…?”

Oh.

“Maybe we’ve just ran into each other at some point in town. But I don’t think we ever knew each other.”

“I see...” Disappointment floods through you at his words.

Right, you thought to yourself. If he was a close friend he would have recognised you instantly when you came to his bakery.

“Oh, look at the time.” Jimin stands up. “You need to be home before dark, right?”

“It’s not a big deal—”

He shakes his head. “It’s alright. You’ve finished cleaning today. I just need to close up and check the supplies.”

“But—” Your words die in your throat when Jimin pats your head.

“You’ve worked hard today,” he grins at you.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“I’m home,” you call out to no one in particular before you hear your mother from the kitchen.

Once you reach the kitchen, your mother turns her head to see you. “Help me set the table, dinner’s almost ready.”

Nodding, you follow suit. “Where’s Dad?”

“Your father is still caught in a meeting. He’ll be home late.”

“I see,” you mutter, placing the silverwares on the table.

“How’s work?” your mother asks. “You’re home earlier than usual.”

“It’s great,” you answer. “The boss lets me off early.”

And you continue to talk about your day. From helping Jimin bake cakes and bread early in the morning, serving customers coffee and desserts, cleaning up the whole place, and enjoying the hot chocolate Jimin bought you earlier.

“He sounds like a nice guy,” your mom muses when you both sit at the dinner table.

“He is.” A smile appears on your face, remembering his sweet gesture and warm presence. Then your mind shifts to the conversation you had earlier, and what has been bothering you lately. “Mom?”

“Hmm…?”

“Five years ago, how did I end up in the hospital?”

Your mother noticeably stiffens at your question, ceases digging through her plate of food.

“You and Dad never filled me in. You both kept on saying that my memories will return eventually… Until now actually.” You let out a breath. “I think I’m old enough to know what really happened.”

Letting out a deep breath herself, your mother puts down her fork. “What do you remember?”

“I was at a playground and hiding… Then there’s someone who came to find me.” Met with silence from your mother, you continue, “Was it one of my friends?”

Shaking her head, your mother answers, “It wasn’t any of your high school friends.”

“Then who…?”

“You never mentioned his name. But you’d always talk about him back then.” Your mother sighs. “Go through the attic when you’re having a day off. You’ll find some of your old stuff I hid there. Make sure your father is not home.”

Standing up, you want to go there at once. However, your mother stops you. “Y/N, listen to me. Whatever you find there, if you… If anything hurts or feels just too much, I want you to stop, alright? You’re a grown adult and I trust you’ll prioritise your own health.”

Nodding wordlessly, you finish the remaining food on your plate.

[ when you were fifteen years old: after the incident ]

When the dismissal bell rings, some students instantly scramble from their desks, some stretch lazily on their seats and have conversations with others.

“Hey, Y/N.” One of your classmates calls you, a smile etched on her face. “So glad to have you back.”

“Yeah! This sem has been a pain in the ass. You’ll get through it in a breeze!” Another classmate adds.

You respond with a grateful smile of your own before packing up your things.

It hasn’t been that long since you were released from the hospital. You have persistently insisted your parents to let you go back to school and they finally relented after you promised them that you’ll go straight back home and to not strain yourself after dismissing your parents’ idea of hiring a driver.

Today is your first day back. Your friends greeted you excitedly when you stepped into the classroom. Even those who you recall never talked much with you greeted you with a ‘Hi’.

Walking mindlessly through the streets of your neighbourhood, your legs take you to a cafe as you recognise the familiar scent of coffee.

Tilting your head in confusion, you stare at the cafe building in shades of black and brown.

What exactly are you doing here?

There were no planned meetups with your friends, yet, your body seems to find its way here. Fishing out your phone, you scan through the past messages to double check any planned hangouts.

It’s a Wednesday.

But…

With the curiosity nagging inside you, you search for Beomgyu’s contact.

[ 4:05 PM ] You: beomie, do you know the cafe near my place?

[ 4:05 PM ] Beomgyu: i guess?? Every wednesday you'd always go there for no apparent reason at all. When i wanted to tag along you’d always give me the devil eye :(

[ 4:05 PM ] You: oh… that’s… well, sorry lol. Do u wanna come here?

[ 4:06 PM ] Beomgyu: wait, r u srs ???

[ 4:06 PM ] You: i mean if u’re not busy and i think getting coffee and hanging in the cafe would be good.

[ 4:07 PM ] Beomgyu: i'd never thought this day would come :’) i’ll be there in 10.

Chuckling at your friend’s response, you place your phone back into your pocket. Exhaling, you enter the cafe and make your way towards the cashier register.

“Welcome, what would you like for today?” The person smiles at you.

“Caramel macchiato, please.”

She nods, typing in your order. “That will be four dollars.”

After exchanging your payment with a receipt, you wait at an empty table for two near the window. Something about this familiar place, however, feels off. Like there is something missing that you can’t seem to put your finger on.

Your thoughts are cut off when someone takes the seat across from you. “Why are you so deep in thought?”

Beomgyu stares at you quizzically as you blink in realisation. “Uh…”

He narrows his stare at you suspiciously before shifting his gaze around the cafe. “So, what is it that kept you going here?”

You shake your head in response. “I have no idea either. Honestly, I have this gut feeling to come here when I passed by earlier.”

“Hmm, maybe the coffee?” Beomgyu watches one of the waitresses bringing your orders, placing it on your table.

Sighing, you stare at the steaming cup with caramel drizzles on the foam for a few moments. Then you bring the cup to your lips to take a sip.

“Argh, why is this bitter?” Scrunching your nose, you motion towards the waitress for extra caramel.

“Did… Your taste buds change too? You said the caramel macchiato here is perfect.”

A snort escapes you as you drizzle more caramel into the coffee. “I got hit in the damn head, Beomie. It doesn’t change my taste buds.”

He shrugs. “Well, who knows. I never knew you like caramel that much.”

You freeze momentarily.

“Y/N? You okay?” Beomgyu waves a hand in front of your face.

“Y-yeah, I just…”

“You just…?”

Shaking your head once more, you whisper, “It’s nothing…” But your eyes scan through the busy workers in the cafe.

Deep inside, you had an inkling that the coffee here isn’t your sole reason for coming here.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Turns out you were right.

Once when you came into the cafe on another Wednesday, you sat at your usual place after ordering your usual drink.

“Oh, my dear, you’re finally back,” someone says.

Blinking, your gaze snaps to the elder woman — maybe around her mid fifties — and you give her a small smile before asking, “Do I know you...?”

It was her turn to look confused at your words.

“I’m really sorry for not recognising!” You grow flustered at your words. “I lost my memory in an accident a few months ago...”

“Oh, that’s awful!” The lady — a regular customer, you assume — gasps. “So that’s why you don’t frequent this cafe anymore. The young man looked so heartbroken before he quit his job—”

“Young man?”

“The barista, dear,” the lady replies. “You used to come here and meet him. I had to shush the both of you every time to not disturb the other customers.”

“I... Was he from my school?”

The lady shakes her head. “I don’t think so. He never wore a uniform like yours.”

“Do you know his name?”

The lady shakes her head once more. “His name was Park. Probably that’s his last name. At least that’s what is written on his name tag.”

And you internally groan. There are thousands of people with that last name.

“Do you know where he’s gone?”

“I’m afraid no, my dear. I heard he quit the job suddenly.”

Sighing, you thanked the lady before heading out of the cafe with your shoulders dropping in defeat.

The trapdoor makes a loud creaking sound when you lift it up, indicating that it hasn’t been used for a very long time. Slipping the key back to your back pocket, you step up further on the ladder with the trap door laying on another side as you go through it while the floorboards creak underneath your weight.

It didn’t take you long to locate your old things. Scanning through the boxes, you find one doodled in various flowers and rainbows with your name written on it as well.

With a grunt, you lift up the dusty box, bringing it down to the floor with a thud which causes you to cough at the flying dust. In an attempt to swat the dust away, you wave your hand in front of you. Still coughing uncontrollably with your eyes watering. After your cough ceases, you crouch and open the box. A few notebooks can be found inside along with some old dolls from your childhood.

You vaguely remember the locked diary you liked to write in about your day and its pale pink cover which was covered in sparkling stickers you used to be obsessed with.

Digging further through the books, you finally found it — the possible answer to your lost memories — with a small key dangling on the lock.

Climbing down from the attic, you made your way to your room while fumbling with the lock and key of your old diary. After successfully unlocking it, you take a seat on your padded window sill, flipping through the yellowing pages.

The first page was clearly written by you. Your old handwriting and your name. The first entry you wrote dates back to a decade ago.

Your fingers twitch at how cringe-y most of the entries are. Yet, at the same time you find it endearing how you used to write about your day. The good, the bad, and the normal things — appreciating just to be able to experience and get through them.

The last of your entries date back to months before the incident when you were fifteen. Probably because you decided that you were too old to write diaries any longer.

Recalling how you’d always visit the cafe every Wednesday, you skim through Wednesday entries. However one particular name seems to stand out in those entries.

“Mochi?” You flip from one entry to another. Who the hell is that?

Deciding to get to the bottom of this, you search for the earliest entry that you can find — nine years ago.

I met the hot choco guy again, today. I’m feeling so happy!!! He is so nice. why can’t any of the boys in my school be like him????

Hot... Choco? Furrowing your brows, you skip to the next Wednesday entry.

i am feeling so happy that mama brought me to the cafe last last week!!! she do not let me drink the coffee drink, so Mochi give me hot choco! i think it’s the best BEST drink EVER!!!

“How the hell did hot choco guy turn into Mochi?” you mumble to yourself, flipping through your diary to the next Wednesday entry.

Mochi teached me how to do math!!! It was so fun! But when Teacher Lee teaches me, it’s always boring. How did Mochi make math fun??? I wish he go to my school instead and teach me math :(

You internally cringe at your younger self. Exhaling, you press your temple in disbelief.

This whole diary of your younger self is basically gushing over this hot-choco-turned-Mochi guy as you flip through other pages. However, you stop at a certain entry.

Today… Is a very bad day. But Mochi suddenly makes it better.

Glancing at the date — it was the day your grandmother passed away.

He promises to make me cinnamon rolls whenever i tell him to! Just like Grannie… I’m sorry, Diary. I don’t think i can write more today. I just hope tomorrow will be a better day.

“Mochi…” you mumble repeatedly with furrowing brows and the name seems to trigger your brain to relive some memories.

“I’m calling you Mochi!” You hear your own twelve-year old voice. Yelping, your diary lands on the floor with a small thud.

“No!” Another voice rings in your head — familiar and warm. “That’s a really uncool nickname.”

“But you look like a mochi! And it’s not uncool! I think it’s really cute!”

Blinking, your mind brings you back to reality. Reaching down for your diary, you freeze momentarily before clutching your head. For a moment, your heart stops when your gaze lands on your diary’s open page — a drawing of a familiar shooting star.

Mochi is… Jimin?

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

[ when you were twelve ]

When another sigh escaped his lips, you glanced up from your math workbook — his face can only be described as perturbed. With no hesitance, you quietly pushed the last cookie on your plate to him, earning his glassy stare as it shifted from his notebook that’s lying open on the table.

He blinked a few times before clearing his throat. “Why didn’t you finish that? Do you want to bring it home?”

You shook your head, heat tinging your cheeks. “It’s for you. You look like you need it.”

“It’s caramel cookies.”

Nodding, you mumbled, “You said eating it can comfort people.”

The boy stared at you for a moment longer — recalling the time when you had a bad day and he gave you that, then he chuckled. “I guess I did.”

Pursing your lips, you nodded again. “I can order hot chocolate for you too.”

He reached for the last cookie, finally a small smile you have awaited appearing on his face. “This is enough, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Thanks.”

You beamed at his words, then you extended one hand to take his notebook and draw a shooting star on the page it was opened on.

“We can’t really see shooting stars in here,” you explain, pushing his notebook back to him. “So, whenever you’re having a hard time, wish on this shooting star! It represents hopes and wishes!”

“What that’s—” He stopped himself. Letting out a sigh, he found himself nodding despite how ridiculously endearing the idea was. “Alright. I will.”

The blare of your alarm jolts you awake. Groaning, you grab your phone, turning off the alarm when you realise you have to go to work. You can’t find it in yourself to see Jimin today. Not after finding out that he was, is, part of your missing childhood memories.

Your gaze lands on the diary, laying open on your window sill. As you read more and more of your diary entries, Mochi being Jimin just makes sense. You remember how he went out of his way just to buy you hot chocolate when you were having a bad day — just like in the past.

After all this time, Jimin is actually part of, no, in most of your childhood life.

And he denied it.

Why?

You continuously drift back to that one question. Why did he deny it when you asked him? Don’t people usually love to get reacquainted with their childhood friends?

Sighing, you message Jimin listlessly, telling him you aren’t feeling well before you turn off your phone completely. You don’t think you can handle interacting more with him.

Hours passed, when someone barges in your room. “Y/N!”

Peeking out from your blanket, you glare at your best friend. “What the fuck, Kook?”

“Jimin told me you aren’t feeling well. So, I came to check up on you.”

“Okay, you did. Now, go back home.”

Without responding, he opens the curtain in your room, letting in the piercing sunlight and you let out an annoyed ‘tsk’.

Should have known your best friend isn’t going to let this go easily.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been off the whole weekend. You may be able to trick Jimin but you can’t trick me.”

Still burying yourself under your blanket, the bed dips on your friend’s weight as he waits for your response. But you keep your silence, trying your best to even your breathing. You’ve cried enough after all.

“Hmm?” Jungkook stands up. “What’s this? Your diary?”

Abruptly, you fling yourself off the bed and grab your diary from his clutches.

“Go home, Jungkook. I’m not in the mood to deal with this.”

“You know I won’t until you tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m just...” Your shoulders droop in defeat. “Why?”

“Why what?”

You hate crying in front of anyone. But it’s as if a dam broke, your tears do not stop falling while you babble, “Why did he pretend to not know me? Why did he deny? Why—”

Jungkook blinks repeatedly at your sudden change. “W-wait! Why are you crying? I don’t under—”

“Park Jimin!” Your sudden outburst flusters him further. “The guy who you’re friends with and who you recommended for me to work with! That’s who!”

“But—”

“He‘s Mochi.”

Jungkook looks dumbfounded for a moment before your words register inside his head. “M-Mochi?”

Like a petulant child, you climb on your bed once more and hide your diary beneath your pillow. “Leave me alone, Kook.”

With a defeated sigh, Jungkook trudges out of your room, leaving you once again drowning in your thoughts.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Jimin has always loved mornings, especially when he is able to quietly bake on what most people would call ungodly hours. There is something enjoyable about being fully awake during this time when no sounds of passing vehicles can distract him, making him feel at ease.

He had started appreciating the little things in life when you — who once stared up at him with curious eyes, expression lightening up when he made a cup of hot chocolate for you — taught him to.

Chuckling to himself, his mind drifts back to the time you first entered his bakery. Gods, he should have known it was you. But you were so different, he could hardly comprehend how much you had grown.

Gone was your happy-go-lucky self. He was stunned when you suddenly snapped at him. Your younger self would probably respond with a smile and drone on about how much you love cinnamon rolls. For a second, his heart had hoped. Maybe you remembered him after all these years?

Yet that hope dissipated in an instant when you merely apologised and ran out. Moreover, you didn’t return to his bakery after buying the cinnamon rolls, he thought he had screwed things up by attempting to start a conversation with you. Or maybe that person wasn’t really you. Just someone who looks a lot like you. He still had his suspicions after all.

However, his suspicions were gone the moment you introduced yourself, leaving him speechless. Jimin would be lying if he said he didn’t hope — at least for a bit — that you would remember him when he mentioned his name.

That was why the moment you appeared once more to work as a part-timer, he was ecstatic. No words can explain it.

He started to look forward to work every day — coming to his own bakery to see you even when you didn’t remember him, but he would still gladly take whatever he can to be around you.

Once he sets the tray of unbaked cinnamon rolls into the oven, his phone buzzes. As soon as he reads the text, his heart drops a little.

[ 7:08 AM ] You: Sorry, I cant come to work today. Not feeling well.

He types, ‘That’s okay. get well soon, y/n :)’

But it left undelivered. Did your phone die? He wonders.

Jimin can’t help shake the weird feeling bubbling inside. So, he messages Jungkook.

[ 7:15 AM ] Jimin: y/n isn’t feeling well today. do u mind checking up on her ???

But of course, Jungkook didn’t read the message until a few hours later. That boy enjoys gaming all night.

[ 12:03 PM ] Jungkook: what?

[ 12:03 PM ] Jungkook: for real ?? since when does she get sick? that girl has a fucking high immunity. she never even once got a cold during the semester

Jimin furrowed his brows at that.

[ 12:04 PM ] Jimin: still, go check up on her pls. she’s ur friend too

[ 12:04 PM ] Jungkook: yeah, omw

It hasn’t even been an hour later when Jungkook rushes into the bakery — earning surprised and curious glances from the customers who were chattering among themselves. “Hyung—“ he catches his breath as he stands in front of the counter. “I think you need to fix—“ Huff. “—I mean go to Y/N’s house yourself.

Jimin blinks in confusion.

“You... You’re Mochi, aren’t you?”

At the mention of that name, blood drains from Jimin’s face instantly.

She remembers...?

“How did you—”

“What matters is, you need to fix it, hyung. You’re the only one who can. She’s not herself, right now. I've known her for a few years and it takes a lot for her to react like this. So, please, you should talk about it.”

“Okay,” Jimin breathes out. “Do you mind closing the cafe once the customers are all done?”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, just go to her, hyung. I’ll handle everything here.”

[ when you were fifteen: before the accident ]

“I wish you can teach me math all the time, Mochi,” you giggle, leaning back on the cafe chair. “Everything is easier when you explain it.”

Jimin chuckles at that. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one not paying attention in class.”

Shaking your head rapidly, you deny, “Of course I paid attention! It’s just... I don’t know… It was really boring when my teacher was teaching. He just drones on and on without stopping.”

With an amused hum, Jimin stands up. “I’ll get ready to leave. I’ll walk you home.”

After a few minutes, you head out of the cafe with Jimin behind you. Shivering against the cool night air, you draw closer to the boy. Instinctively, Jimin offers you his open hand which you accepted with no hesitance.

Little did he know, every time he does this, it makes your heart beat a little faster at the way your hand fits well in his. And you savour it.

The build up of feelings has been going on for a while now. Maybe a few months. You’ve developed a crush on him. Like, how can you not? Jimin possesses charming qualities that no one else has. Not to mention how kind and warm of a person he is.

Meetings in the cafe had you wishing they were dates instead. And you had to let him know.

And tell him you did.

He blinks at first, words sinking into him. Mochi, I think I like you. Like, really, really like you.

His cheeks are pink, you weren’t sure if it's from the cold or his embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”

Of course. What were you expecting? He only sees you as a little sister.

“No, that’s okay,” you reply quickly, but your heart drops. “It’s just… You know, I wanted to tell you know because you’re really cool, Mochi.”

“Y/N… Listen, this is not a good time—” Abruptly, he stops, catching your wrist on his. “I want you to hide in the playground.”

“What?”

“Hide, please. I will explain everything later.”

You want to run away from him. But the pleading look on his face makes you listen.

“There he is!” You hear an unfamiliar shout.

Cursing under his breath, Jimin quickly pushes you under the slide. “Wait here.”

With your own ragged breathing, you struggle to keep yourself as quiet as possible, biting down a hiss from the sting of your scraped knees. Tears pool in your eyes as you wait, hidden behind one of the playground’s slides and out of sight of any possible passerby.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

[ Present time ]

Jimin reaches your house, his heart beating fast against his chest with a box of cinnamon rolls in hand.

You are home alone and Jungkook has left the door unlocked.

Letting himself in, Jimin glances around. Everything still looks the same as back then. He went to your house once to tutor you. And he still can remember that day clearly.

Climbing up the stairs, he reaches your room. With shaking hands, he knocks on the door.

Silence.

A moment or two passes then your door opens. Jimin braces for the anger you’d throw at him.

But nothing comes.

You merely stand there, eyes glassy as they lock on his.

“Y/N...” He mutters, torn between to reach out or not. But you leave the door open as you sit on your bed. Jimin enters your familiar room, still surprised at how it still looks the same. And his eyes fall on a notebook — the notebook you never let him read — on the table.

“Why are you here?” you ask, voice trembling.

“I wanted to check up on you—”

“Why?”

Jimin knows at once what you are asking.

He approaches you sitting on the edge of the bed. He kneels down, peering up with those chocolate eyes of his to meet your downcast stare — like those times when he wants to talk to you and you refuse to look at him.

“Do… Do you still remember me?” Your voice barely comes out as a whisper.

“Y/N…” The lack of surprise in his voice answers it. He still remembers you as you recall the once shocked expression on his face when you first introduce yourself. Now, it all made sense.

“W-Why didn’t you tell me?” A sob escapes your lips. “Do you not want me to remember—”

He shakes his head, denying it quickly. “No! Of course not. I just… I was ecstatic actually when it was you who came to work for me.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Voice cracking. “You knew me—”

Clearly in conflict, he sighs, “I don’t want you to remember your traumatic memories… Remembering me might cause you more pain.”

“But it didn’t. Those memories, from what I can remember there’s nothing—”

“That’s what your parents told me, Y/N.”

Eyes widening, you gape at him as tears cascade down your face.

“You were seriously injured back then. The doctor said it will be best for you to let your own memories come to you in their own time. And I had to leave this place... I came by after your operation and... I wanted to say goodbye but I was told it was best to not see you any longer to prevent anymore distress—”

“But you are important to me!” You cut him off. Then turning quieter, “You are important to me…”  You say between sobs.

Covering your eyes with your hand, you whimper when Jimin engulfs you in a hug. “I’m sorry…” He murmurs, caressing your head. “I’m so sorry…”

His heart breaks at your current state, tightening his hold on you, who’s crying into his chest. Years of buried regret and longing resurface. He had envisioned many times on how you would remember him. But he fails to realise how much it can hurt you when your memories return. If only he can turn back time, he will take that chance to save you from the misery of your memory loss.

Yet, all he can do now is to hold you close, begging you for forgiveness and hope that you’d let him stay by your side.

“So, let me get this straight, you—” Jungkook points his straw at you. “—and Jimin hyung were childhood friends—” He pierces the plastic cover of his milk tea. “—and he used to tutor you in a cafe.”

Nodding, you purse your lips and enjoy your own drink.

You had taken a few days off after the reconciliation to collect your thoughts and confront your parents about what had happened. They have come into terms with their protectiveness of you staying out very late. And you have managed to convince them to let you stay out late as long as you let them know.

You were planning to stay in bed all day if it wasn’t for Jungkook who barged into your room like he owns the place, after he claimed that Jimin lets him off from work early — which you doubt honestly, it’s more of Jungkook escaping from work — and decided to drag you to the nearest milk tea shop.

“Is something weird?” you blurt out.

“Did you by any chance, I don’t know...” Jungkook mutters. “Have feelings for each other?”

You nearly choke on your tapioca pearl and rapidly you shake your head. “No! That’s—”

Jungkook narrows his stare at you, sipping his drink as you continue to blabber, “I mean, I knew him since I was like, what? Twelve? He never sees me that way.”

“Maybe he didn’t back then.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean both of you are adults now. Aren’t things different?”

You snort at his words. “He always sees the little girl in me, Jungkook. So, please, don’t make things weird, alright? I can literally see your head gearing.”

Jungkook lets out a sigh. “Alright, if you say so. But how about you?”

Sipping your drink, you lift a brow at him.

“Do you like him?”

“Of course, I do.”

“I meant like, like him.”

“Kookie, what are you? Five?”

He snorts at your response. “Five heads taller than you—” Your glare shuts him up. “Okay, but do you see him as someone special?”

An exasperated sigh escapes your lips. “Why are we discussing this? We’re just friends. Who coincidentally are childhood friends as well.”

“You sure?”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sigh once more. “What are you expecting me to say?”

“What do you think of him?”

Almost at once, the words flow easily out of your mouth. “He’s a caring person and he knows how to comfort someone when they’re having a bad day.”

“You mean, he knows how to comfort you when you’re having a bad day yourself,” Jungkook chuckles.

You blink at that.

“Look, I’m not implying anything but he was worried as hell when I told him about you the other day. Even nearly left his bakery without supervision. That’s when yours truly—” He points at himself. “—came in.”

And the question that swims in the back of your mind disappears. “So, it is you, you overgrown rabbit. You told him about me—”

“Well, you can’t blame me. You should be thanking me instead. It’s because of me you both finally reconciled. Admit it, you’re happy — happier, in fact.”

And you can’t deny it. Jungkook has been one of those people who’d look out for you. Yes, even when he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, or just loves to hear the “piping hot” tea of what’s happening in your life.

Sighing in defeat, you murmur, “Even if I do like him...” You shake your head. “No, it shouldn’t even matter in the first place.”

Noticing your shuttering expression, Jungkook thankfully does not press the subject further. Nor does he question why. And you are grateful for him.

“Interesting. So, you do like him.”

Scratch that, your best friend is still a pain in the ass.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Standing in front of the bakery cafe, you released a deep breath.

Through the glass door, Jungkook is helping out at the cashier counter, serving beverages and desserts to dine-in customers. However, Jimin is nowhere in sight.

Releasing a deep breath, the bell of the door rings which signals your entrance. Jungkook notices you at once before he points to the kitchen.

You rush inside — stopping abruptly a few steps away from him — now, regarding the man differently. He was the boy who has been your comfort for so many occasions after all.

Jimin is icing cupcakes, his eyes focusing on his task and you can’t help but smile at the sight.

With your memories — of kindness, warmth, and friendship — now fully returned, you remember how you were always enamoured watching Jimin work. You’d watch him make drinks in the cafe when you had no homework to do. You’d sit at the bar, munching on cookies-of-the-day as your eyes followed Jimin’s movements.

A few moments pass, Jimin’s gaze shifts to you briefly and double-takes. He curses under his breath, cupcake slipping from his grip — icing spilling on the marble counter. “Hey, you’re back—” He quickly grabs a cloth and wipes off the cream before he turns to face you properly, grinning from ear-to-ear. “—you didn’t tell me you’re coming in today.”

He opens his arms and your legs move of its own accord, following your instinct as you close the distance between you and him — wrapping your arms around his waist.

You weren’t surprised at how your younger self used to have a big fat crush on him. He was and always will still be your Mochi. The guy who treated you to your favourite sweets, who knows how you like your caramel macchiato the best, and who never fails to put butterflies in your stomach.

Breathing his sweet scent, you remember the time you’d ask him for hugs whenever you were down and your younger self had even claimed once that his hugs were magical as it was written in your diary. To quote it, “Mochi gives the BEST BEST hugs in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD”.

“Your hugs…” you mumble, eyes closed. “They’re still the best…”

Jimin merely tightens his hold on you. That is until a force — appearing in the form of Jeon Jungkook — shatters the serene atmosphere, bringing you back to reality. “Hyung! Oh—”

Abruptly, you both pull away from each other. Jungkook stands awkwardly, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“What is it?” Jimin breaks the silence, composed as ever.

“Uh, need more cupcakes. The ones on the display are finished…”

“Right,” Jimin turns to you. “Y/N, can you help me ice the rest of the cupcakes?”

Nodding, you turn to the employee’s room, putting your things in the locker and grabbing an apron.

Hugging Jimin seems so natural that you fail to consider how weird it looks to the people around you. Jungkook’s awkward silence proves that.

Your thoughts are swimming in confusion. And once again those butterflies appear in your stomach. Fanning your heated cheeks with your hands, you take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm your racing heart.

Your childhood crush is gone. You’re just happy to have Mochi back in your life. That’s all. That should be all.

One afternoon, you mindlessly clean up the kitchen. Due to the public holiday, the bakery is closing earlier, and your thoughts have drifted back to the past.

You remember the night of the incident when Jimin walked you home after he had lost those men who chased after him. He stopped you for a moment, breaking the silence. “You okay?” Warm concern lacing his tone.

Jaw clenching, you mumbled. “Just a scratch.” Reluctant to give him any longer response.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have shoved you harshly before.” He crouched, inspecting your knees before he peered up to meet your stare.

“It’s fine.”

When you were just a few blocks away from home, Jimin broke the silence. “Listen Y/N—” His footsteps faltered as he reached to touch your shoulder. “—about earlier, I think you shouldn’t have feelings for me, I—”

Abruptly, you pulled your hand away from his, hurt consuming you. “I shouldn’t have feelings for you?”

You wished Jimin had forgotten your spontaneous confession as he nodded, hesitantly.

“Well, I can’t control my feelings. So, just let it be. It’ll be fine.” You glanced at him before walking faster.

The rest of the trip home was tense, full of unanswered questions. Who were those men? Why did they chase after Jimin? Is it really that bad to have feelings for him? Who gave him the right to dictate your feelings?

You felt so childish back then. Recalling the memories makes you cringe at your younger self for overreacting. But you suppose it’s normal for a fifteen year-old girl. And you were able to sense that Jimin wanted to ease the tense atmosphere. But you were too hurt to even give him a chance. You needed time to process what happened that day.

However, one minute Jimin had stopped you again, desperate to appease you. And the next minute, someone ran towards him with a bat in hand. It’s as if time slowed down, you moved before a harsh impact landed on you.

Your mind brings you back to reality, and instinctively you touch the part where your head was struck with your free hand.

“Y/N? Are you done cleaning up?”

Jimin’s voice startles you and you nearly drop the mop’s handle from your grasp.

“Yes,” you manage to say. And somehow you can’t look at him in the eye.

“What’s wrong?” Out of instinct, he cups your face to look at you in the eye. And hell, your heartbeat gradually increases as you can smell the sweet scent of bread from him along with a tinge of his cinnamon scent.

Mind blanking out at the close proximity, the only intelligible response you can say is, uhhh. Your grip on the mop handle tightens as your palm grows clammy.

He’s gorgeous. That’s one thing for sure.

“Hey, why are you blushing?”

Blinking rapidly, you watch his eyes turn into those crescent moons and a giggle escapes his lips as he pulls away, grabbing the mop from your hold.

“I’ll put this back. You nearly snapped it in half, you know.”

“Yeah,” you nod, mind whirling and you blabber the first thing in your mind. “I have a pet fish.”

“Huh?”

Realising how random you sounded, you clear your throat. “I just remember I had to come home early today, since Mr. Goldy is waiting for me.”

“Ooh, that’s—”

But you’ve run for the lockers, quickly changing out of your work attire.

“Thanks for today, Mochi. See you tomorrow!” You say and run out of the bakery without sparing him another glance.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“What are you exactly doing here?”

Unflinching, you answer your best friend monotonously, “Buying a fish.”

“You don’t have a tank at home.”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m looking for one now.”

“But why?”

“Why not?”

Jungkook lets out a sigh. “You’ve been acting weird all week, Y/N.”

You ignore his words, eyes scanning through the fishes of different colours and kinds.

“Oh! These ones are pretty.” Jungkook comments, earning your attention.

“Excuse me?” You call one of the workers there. “I was wondering if this fish is suitable for beginners.”

The worker nods, smiling. “Yes, these are what we call the Betta fish. Their scales are beautiful and they are also easy to take care of. Would you like to purchase them?”

You respond with a brief ‘yes’.

“Now, all you need is a tank,” Jungkook says.

“We provide delivery services for the tank. I’d recommend buying this one.” The worker points at one of the tanks. “In the meantime, you can purchase the fishbowl for now.”

And with that you have a new pet fish and a brand new fish bowl in hand — specifically Jungkook’s, because you gotta put those muscles into good use — and you head back home. On the way back, Jungkook suddenly clears his throat. “So… What’s up with you?”

“What?”

“Let me summarise what just happened,” he says. “I had the day off today, and suddenly you called me to meet you in a fish store, and you have been acting all weird and somehow out of all the nice shades of blue fishes in the tank, you chose the ugly yellow—”

You kick his shin in retaliation. “It’s not yellow, it’s gold, dumbass. How dare you say that in front of Lady Goldilocks.”

“Oh, wow, now it even has a name.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I seriously can’t believe you chose this one out of all the other colours. It reminds me of Jimin hyung—” And he gapes at you. “No way. Is it because he likes this colour?”

You blink in realisation. Jimin does like this colour.

“Okay, ‘fess up. What’s up with you?”

You let out a defeated sigh. “I like him.”

Jungkook looks unamused.

“I mean like, like him. And I need to get over him.”

Jungkook furrows his brows. “Why would Hyung want that?””

“I shouldn’t like him, Kook. He told me once and, I don’t know, I just can’t control my feelings. I don’t want to lose him again and I’m scared that he’ll be gone if he knows—”

“Wait, wait, wait—” Jungkook grasps your shoulder with his free hand. “—I can understand what you’re feeling, Y/N. How about let me prove to you that Jimin won’t be gone even when you have feelings for him?”

“I swear, Jeon Jungkook, if you utter a single word about this conversation—”

“No!” He denies repeatedly. “I won’t. Promise. I can prove it to you another way. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, then. How?”

“I have a plan. To take the title as your number one best friend once and for all—”

“Who says you are even at the top?”

“Aren’t I? You told me once.” Jungkook fishes his phone out of his jacket, taps a few times on his screen before he shows you a video of your drunk self a few months ago after exam week.

“Kookieee, I think you’re my number one best friend! So proud to have someone like you in my life—”

You try to reach for his phone, cheeks burning in embarrassment, as you shoot him the nastiest glare you can muster. However, Jungkook being Jungkook merely cackles at that. Your voice from the video still continues, “—you’re like Mochi—” Your present self tenses at that.

“Who’s Mochi?” Jungkook asked curiously in the video.

“Shhhhh… We don’t speak of that name here, m’kay? Mochi is gone. So you are best friend number one!”

Jungkook stops the video, tucking his phone back to his pocket. “I asked you once who Mochi was when you were sober. But you didn’t remember back then. So I never asked again until you mentioned the name ‘Mochi’ once more a few days ago.”

Gaping, you stop walking as the stunned silence falls over you.

“I think your subconscious had always known about him. And it shows how special he is to you.” When you’re about to deny that, Jungkook shushes you. “Don’t try to deny, Y/N. Even before you knew he was Mochi you already liked him.”

“I hate that you’re starting to look like a rooster. Were you always this cocky?”

Your best friend merely shrugs. “So, here’s the plan. As I was saying, with my ‘number one best friend’ title under threat, we’re going to demote Jimin as your boyfriend! It’s a win-win situation!”

“What? I never even asked for him to be my boyfriend but wait— Don’t you mean promote?”

“Y/N, as much as I love your dumb ass, you tend to be quite demanding with people. Hopefully, he knows how to handle your present self.”

“Jeon Jungkook, please don’t make me regret this.”

A few days after the conversation with Jungkook, the boy gets to work as fast as possible, and by work, it means work to get on Jimin’s nerves instead of actually being helpful in the cafe.

Jungkook has become noticeably clingy, or overall, just more touchy with you. It’s not like it’s anything new in all honesty. Throughout college, the relationship between the both of you is purely platonic. Your other college friends knew this and seeing the both of you cuddle wouldn’t be a strange sight. Jimin, however, isn’t one of your college friends and Jungkook seems to have taken advantage of this. Thus, he begins to work in the bakery almost every day, claiming just to see you.

At first Jimin showed no reaction since Jungkook is a good friend of his. But he has grown visibly irritated lately while Jungkook revels in pressing the older one’s buttons further.

“Jungkook…”

“Hmm?”

“Can you please stop invading my personal space?”

“But it’s not going to work if I don’t— Oof!” You shove him away before going back to your task — placing the cupcakes on the display tray — annoyance building up at Jungkook’s disruptions.

“I’m going to file a restraining order on you at this rate.”

He huffs, moving towards you once more. “Don’t you want to prove that Jimin is going to be pissed if he sees me being affectionate to you?”

You shake your head. “I just want to work in peace.”

“Hmph. You’re no fun.”

“Cuz you’re the one not working.”

“Hey, I’m helping here voluntarily.”

You ignore his words, focusing on your task while Jungkook starts whining for you to give him attention. “Kook, I fucking swear if you don’t get your hands off—”

Jimin’s voice rings “Y/N, are the cupcakes...” He trails as soon as he enters the kitchen, freezing at the sight of Jungkook wrapping his arms around your waist, snuggling his dumb head on the crook of your neck.

“He’s going to rage,” Jungkook whispers, laughing softly.

“Uh, Jungkook can I talk to you?” Jimin asks, eyes noticeably narrowing as his tone tenses.

“Finally,” Jungkook mutters under his breath, before he lets go of you and faces Jimin. “Sure, Hyung.”

You take that cue to leave, bringing the freshly iced cupcakes to the display counter, leaving Jungkook and Jimin alone in the kitchen.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“What’s been going on with you lately? You come here to work everyday but all I can see is you busy flirting with Y/N.” Jimin throws the younger one an unamused glare.

Jungkook answers easily, “I do my job, Hyung. And so what if I do flirt with Y/N?”

“You can’t,” Jimin blurts out, earning a questioning look from Jungkook. “You just can’t.”

“Why can’t I?”

“Do you like Y/N?”

“Of course, she’s my best friend.”

Jimin shoots Jungkook another unamused look at his answer.

“I’m going to tell her how I feel in three days,” Jungkook continues.

Jimin’s stomach drops at that statement. However, at the same time the urge to let you know how he truly feels increases. But the thought of the impending rejection after hurting you and causing your memory loss makes him think twice.

Maybe Jungkook deserves you more than him — he can protect and support you while Jimin has failed.

With a shaky breath, Jimin mutters, “Take care of her, alright?”

Obviously, his response catches Jungkook off guard. “What?”

“Take good care of Y/N, JK. I’m seriously counting on you.”

“Wait—“ Jungkook looks downright flustered at the unexpected response. “Hyung, wait.”

“What?” Now it’s Jimin’s turn to be confused.

Jungkook clears his throat. “Just give me an honest answer, hyung. No lies.”

A pause.

“Do you like Y/N? As in more than friends?”

Jimin nods without hesitance.

Jungkook mumbles something under his breath that Jimin is sure it sounds like, freaking idiots.

“Go tell her how you feel, Hyung. And tell her as soon as possible.”

“But you—”

“It’s to push you to confess to her. I don’t see Y/N that way.” Jungkook sighs. “Honestly, what would the both of you be without me?”

Jimin stands in the kitchen, speechless, as Jungkook continues to ramble how significant his role is in between your relationship and how you and Jimin owe him so much.

“So, yes, go tell her how you feel, hyung. She’ll listen to whatever you’ll say.”

With a newfound resolve, hope sparks in Jimin’s heart. “I will.”

To say that Jimin is nervous would be an understatement. He had barely slept a wink last night, thinking of all the words and how he would explain why he had left so suddenly and confess his feelings to you. Jungkook has been a supportive friend, even if he does push Jimin’s buttons along the way. However, Jimin knows that it was his own way of showing encouragement.

You are cleaning the rest of the tables of the cafe and Jimin can’t take his eyes off you, staring at you through the small window opening between the kitchen and the counter area.

“Are we done for today, Mochi?” Your voice snaps him out of his daydream.

“Yeah!” Jimin continues to wipe the kitchen counter quickly, replying almost too enthusiastically before he clears his throat. “Do you have plans tonight, Y/N?”

You enter the kitchen and once again Jimin’s heartbeat rises. “Nope. I’m going straight back home after this. Lady Goldilocks is waiting for me.”

Lady Goldilocks. Jimin chuckles at the mention of your fish’s name. He wonders if one day he’s able to see the pet fish for himself. He had asked what happened to Mr Goldy and you had become flustered at that since you didn’t know the fish was female. So, now, you have changed the fish’s name. Yet, somehow Jimin got an inkling that there is more to the story. He had asked Jungkook — to which the boy had valiantly refused to utter a word about it and had babbled, “Huh? Fish? What fish? Is that for dinner?”

Once the both of you finished closing up the bakery cafe, Jimin taps on your shoulder before you had the chance to go back home.

“May I walk you home?”

You blink, processing his words then nodding rapidly. “S-Sure.”

Jimin smiles warmly at you. It’s easy in fact. Just being in your presence always brings happiness into his heart. You had grown into an amazing person and even more attractive.

Something about you had always captivated Jimin since the first time you met him in the cafe where he used to do his part time work. Your curious eyes were always following him as he took the customers’ orders and honestly, it was very endearing.

Comfortable silence falls upon you both, walking through the asphalt pathway and naturally, Jimin opens his palms, extending it towards you.

You stare at that for a moment and clasp his hand with yours. Jimin weaves your fingers together, bringing you closer to him as you continue to walk back home.

“Do you mind if we take a little detour?”

You nod at his words.

Once Jimin reaches the destination, he can sense your eyes glance curiously at the empty hill. He pulls you up onto the top of the hill, sitting down on the grass while he pats the space next to him and you follow suit.

“Look up,” Jimin whispers, and you did.

A quiet gasp escapes your lips at the sight of twinkling stars that scatters across the dark sky.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Jimin voices out. “Someone made me realise how beautiful the stars are…” He falters. “A-And she had never left my mind all those years. One of my deepest regrets is that I wasn’t able to say goodbye when I had to leave.”

You hear his words, yet you stay silent — an encouragement for him to continue to speak what’s on his mind.

“My family was in a difficult financial position back then and my dad had done things I wasn’t proud of…” Jimin’s eyes turn glassy and faraway, even when he sets his gaze up. “And one of them is that he had made a deal with loan sharks without the guarantee of paying them back… And of course, they were angry.”

He pauses, taking a deep breath.

“I once thought that probably I could still stay here back then. Even more so when I met you. But I was wrong. Those men started to chase after me and because of that, you—” He shudders. “—got injured. And that night my parents had made plans to leave without me and my brother knowing.”

He turns to look at you. “I never got to apologise to you for causing that. I should be the one to protect you but… I failed. For that, I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Jimin…” You say softly. “It’s not your fault. I was the one who jumped in front of you when the man came after you. It’s my own choice because you are special to me.”

“But I could have—”

You shush him with a pointer finger in front of his lips for a few moments. “You don’t have to be sorry anymore, Mochi. It’s not your fault. And what matters now is to focus on the present and look to the future, right?”

He nods, emotions swimming inside his chocolate eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought—”

“For telling you that you shouldn’t have feelings for me.”

And you lapse into silence. He remembers…?

“I hate that that has hurt you. I shouldn’t have said that. But I was happy but desperate too since my family—”

“Jimin.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“What do you see me as, now?”

He blinks. All the practiced words on how he would tell you his feelings dissipate from his mind as he blankly stares at you. “I… I like you.” His voice grows quieter. “More than friends…”

“And if I said you shouldn’t have feelings for me?”

A flash of hurt crosses his eyes briefly. But he answers, nonetheless, “I would do what you want.”

“So, you reciprocate my feelings now?”

“H-huh?”

“I like you too. More than friends. In fact, I think my feelings have grown for you ever since I found out you’re Mochi.”

It takes a few moments for Jimin to process your words. He gapes, mouth opening and closing.

“You are resembling Lady Goldilocks right now.”

“What?”

Your cheeks flush. “Lady Goldilocks is a Betta fish. She was the golden one in a tank full of her blue siblings. Jungkook tried persuading me to choose the blue ones since they were more attractive to look at. But all I could see is the gold one since it reminded me of you.”

“I like golden colours…” Jimin mumbles in realisation.

“Exactly,” you let out a sheepish laugh, eyes turning to look back up into the sky. Before Jimin can respond, your eyes brighten up. “Look! A shooting star!”

Jimin snaps his gaze up as well.

“Hurry, make a wish!” You then close your eyes, smiling from ear-to-ear. Jimin follows suit, making his own wish.

As soon as you both finish making your wishes, you turn to face him once more.

“Are you still sorry for saying that to me?”

Jimin nods, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. Hell, he thinks he would always regret hurting you that time.

“I know how you can make it up to me then.”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

“W-What?” He splutters.

“Unless you don’t want—“ Yet, your words die on your throat as Jimin moves closer to you, eliminating the distance between you both as he cups your face just like that time in the bakery.

Without another word, he leans down, pressing his lips on yours softly while you place your hands on top of his before he presses further, brows furrowing as he kisses you fervently. For the time being, all that matters is just you and him. He caresses your cheeks and you run your hands down to wrap around his waist until you can feel his heart beating against his chest.

After pulling away — both of you catching your breaths — Jimin presses his forehead against yours, running his thumb over your lips while you were unable to open your eyes for a few moments at the burst of emotions that is coursing through you.

“I’ve imagined this moment so many times,” he admits. “My wish finally came true.” And you smile at that.

“My wish also came true because of you, Mochi...”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Sitting on one of the tables, your eyes can’t take themselves off Jimin as he serves customers. Today is your day off and you decided to pay him a visit in the bakery.

“You’re drooling.”

Your gaze snaps up to your best friend who sits across you after placing a cinnamon roll on the table for you. Jungkook continues, “I swear I’m going to vomit one of these days if I see you or Jimin hyung throwing each other— what was that called? It’s an old term— Oh! Goo-goo eyes one more time.”

“Shut up, Jeon. I’m not.” You reach for the roll, taking a bite.

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah right, you basically either stare at him like he placed stars in the sky or like you want to tear off his clothes—”

You choke on the roll, quickly reaching for your glass of water before you throw your napkin at his face. Jungkook cackles at that before he resumes his act, sighing. “This is a mistake. I shouldn’t have intervened. I didn’t know you’d be like this. My best friend is so uncool now.”

“Y/N is what?” You perk up at Jimin’s voice.

“Whipped,” Jungkook mutters before he takes his cue to leave. He stands up, passing by Jimin after shooting the older one a teasing glance.

Jimin sits across from you, and he instinctively reaches for your hand on the table. “How was your day?” And you swear you can hear Jungkook making a gagging sound amidst the chatter of the customers.

“Good. I finished my chores at home earlier today. So, I thought I would come visit.”

Minutes pass by quickly as you chatter with Jimin. He had almost forgotten to go back to work until Jungkook reminded him. When it is time to close up the bakery, you watch him wash the remaining mixing bowls while perching on one of the cleaned counters of the kitchen.

“You know, I could use some help,” Jimin teases, drying his hands on his apron.

A smile curls up on the corner of your lips, eyes following his movements — drawing closer to where you are. “Well, I think you got it all handled, Mochi.”

Once he reaches you, he pulls you to wrap your legs around his waist while your arms rest on his shoulders — encircling around his neck. You both stare at each other and he pushes a strand of stray hair away from your face, tucking it behind an ear while his other hand settles on your waist.

“Sometimes, I still can’t believe that you’re really here with me,” You admit. “Just like a sweet dream.”

Jimin shakes his head. “It’s not, Y/N...” He leans to give you a chaste kiss. “... we’ll make up for the lost time we didn’t spend together.”

“Promise?”

He softly smiles at you. “Promise.”

author’s note: this was originally intended to be posted on jimin’s birthday but well i decided to add more stuff in it. thus, i am late alskflsdda so yes, i hope you guys enjoy this fic and feedbacks are always appreciated !! thank you for reading ♡

[zukoscomet]

Hi)

I know that you mostly write about Katara and Zuko already married with children, but did you think to write about how their relationship was formed initially, how they gradually fell in love with each other? Or about their wedding?

Hi, anon!

The simple answer to this question is yes, I have thought about it.

I'm not sure if I'm unorthodox or if other authors in the fandom, since I've mostly kept myself to myself on here because I don't post original content (though I'd like to change that so do hit me up if you want!) are the same way, but I really struggle to just think of a general concept and run with it. Usually, bits of dialogue or a specific setting comes to me and I build around it into a fic by going with what feels right as I write.

I would love to do some pieces set before my current works - Ambassador!Katara/Fire Lord Zuko, mutual pining, slow burn, awkward dorks kinda vibe and SWT wedding - but I haven't, as of yet, and there's two reasons for this.

The first one is that if I were to write this kind of fic, I'd want Katara and Zuko to be a few years older than I made them in the chronology I've already set up in my roots and wings series. That's not a huge issue in my books. When I wrote 'act of infinite optimism' I intended for that to be my only fic. I certainly never planned for this universe to end up being so expansive, so I've already had to make tweaks as I've been going along. But for this, I'd have to sit down, plan all the dates/ages out properly, edit the fics I've already published to align, and keep general tabs on what's changed so I can let my readers know how it all pans out in the next updates. I have no issues doing that, it's just I haven't had the chance and because of the second more major reason: I haven't had any real inspiration to go on yet.

I am working on a one-shot right now though that's essentially Katara's first party/ball as the SWT Ambassador that I'm very excited about so hopefully that will get ideas flowing in future. Also, if any of my readers (or just anyone that sees this!) have some ideas they'd like to see, please do send them my way. I'd always want to try and incorporate what my audience would love, plus you never know what might be The Spark™.

This is probably far more than you or anyone wanted to know but in the meantime, have some dialogue as a teaser from the fic I was talking about above:

"You should know, as a warning, that some of them are going to think that you've slept your way to success. And accuse you of it."

"Tui and La. And here I thought the Fire Nation was full of prudes."

"We like to pretend on the surface, but politically? Sex is a currency. You would not believe the amount of wives and daughters I've had trying to seduce me on behalf of a noble or an official. Even a few sons."

"Well, you should have told me we were having a sordid affair. I'd have put more effort in."

[thequibblah]

directors cut for WTRF? 🥺👉👈 not biased at all obviously just objective third party asking for a directors cut hmmm hmmmmm

literally how could u do this every other word in that fic is an easter egg i can't shut up about..... bestie u are about to have regrets

one thing u should know is that 90% of things in this fic have real-world equivalents and its not even like....... hidden equivalents. serie primo = serie a, for instance. this trend is going to continue and i won't apologise <3

fun fact i named the bar the Bar and the drinks after shapes because i was too lazy to come up with something actually clever

this bit

I’m grinning to myself by the time she approaches my table.

was a very intentional fakeout and if you read this and thought "she" would be lily, feel free to sue me for emotional damages

the biggest conundrum of this AU was, how are jily not going to have met in school when magic exists? the solution was, of course, having multiple magic schools. but i couldn't let one of them have hogwarts, that didn't seem fair. i know i did sort of let lily have it..... but i felt more comfortable making hogwarts a university so there was a legit reason why james wasn't there and in gryffindor (if he'd gone he absolutely would have been)

once solved, i did the fun thing of naming them! ottaline gambol's was easy, i just scrolled through the list of ministers for magic and picked a progressive one. peverell hall was a whim, made all the funnier when lily's reaction is:

Much was made at Otty’s — one of the more progressive magical schools, named for one of the more progressive Ministers of Magic — of schools like Peverell Hall and St. George’s. The latter, I know, is chock-full of pureblooded elite. Peverell Hall is supposed to be slightly better, but still.

dang, it's gonna be funny if she ever finds out james is a descendant of the guy it's named after

fun fact, i included this because peter's question was a real thought i had when reading bond and free, your inspiring writing knows no limits:

The first thing you conjure in Walking Wombat is a yellow quill... “Why yellow?” Peter asked. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Why not?”

i realised i'd put jily in the same conundrum they had in tis the fucking season here:

It’s only then that I remember she’s just bought us drinks. I turn back to my triangle. “Oh, shit.” I suppose I can pawn it off on one of the others.

...but of course the resolution is rather different, and i do so enjoy a james with no filter (aka default james)

I briefly lose control of my brain and my tongue. “Is it too soon to say I’m in love with you?”

by the way, no-filter james will be a theme. wild things sure do run fast but not as fast as this boy runs his mouth!

also, another interesting challenge here was making sure james has a reason to be the way he is in AU. i love playing around with james's childhood/background and seeing how that affects his character while (hopefully!) staying true to who he is. i did that in ttfs by having him move around a lot and not meet the marauders until after the flashback timeline, which is why he's less of a git — he doesn't have the level of comfort in a social setting that canon james has with hogwarts, which is basically his playground from day 2 of first year lol

here, james was probably a fkn nightmare all through school, but of course he gets a big ego check when his quidditch career is derailed. i imagine his years in italy as a continuation of that humility lesson.

I will fully admit I used to be a cocky prick. This is what comes of being a kid who grew up with everything. But one useful thing that the whole fiasco four years ago taught me is humility. I’ve learned how to ask nicely for another chance.

and so much of writing him in wtrf is juggling that typical confidence with the insecurity/fear of losing something he's invested so much in (and has seen slip away before). it's really new to me, because typically i give lily uncertain life circumstances, but i suppose it's both of them in this AU.

the car thing was... i swear didn't start out as smutty, it was purely because i wanted a way to establish lily as muggleborn in a world where the connotations of not having magical parents is very different. more to come on that!

also, come to think of it, by this metric...

I’m now in dangerous territory, since that adds another impressive action to her running tally.

...i think james is already in love with her LOL

this bit:

The street is considered indecent and the downstairs hallway would have our landlady come running at once, so if it pleases Your Honour, we would recommend the sitting room sofa.

...was actually because in draft one lily was a lawyer, but then it was funny enough that i didn't want to take it out, but NOW i realise it makes it sound a little like she's addressing james as your honour, which.... hm. but anyway, we move on

Marc Bolan begs us to get it on through the stereo, vocalising my thoughts exactly.

the song here was initially "you shook me" (h/t @keepingupwithpotters) but i chickened out because zeppelin is SO horny dfjkhgkjs

also, it gave me so much joy to read everyone reacting to lily thinking about her ex (the general vibe was "who the fuck is this guy!!! ew!!!!") — rest assured (or, unassured??) that he has a part to play in all this. anyway, this is one of my fave lines:

He’s just a person, and there’s such a relief in sleeping with James and not the myth of a guy.

because as any come together reader knows....

Just James. Just James. It was never just James.

wtrf lily will learn!

literally the whole world knows i'm obsessed with needle drops that have no subtlety at all, but this one...

We just laugh, tangled together in a sweaty heap, as “Heaven Is in the Back Seat of My Cadillac” plays through the car’s speakers. “On the nose, isn’t it?” James says, sitting up.

...was pure luck, because i was looking up the top hits on the uk singles chart for the week(ish) this scene takes place in so that i could find a song that would realistically play on the radio, saw this, and was like omg the stars really do align

i feel like the thing i enjoy most about writing romance is the importance i get to place in noticing/looking/observing (and sometimes, not noticing!). it's just such a powerful but simple writerly tool, and god knows i am obsessed with pithy descriptions anyway, so this bit i am especially happy with:

James is already waiting, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. I feel as though I’m seeing him for the first time, the faint light of the flickering streetlamp catching him in profile: the strong slope of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his smile. He studies the facade of our building with open curiosity, and I wonder what he’s looking for.

(one can only imagine james's train of thought in this moment. perhaps "ah. here lives the future love of my life"?)

“Thanks,” she tacks on at the end. I tip my head to one side in confusion. “For what?” “For, I don’t know. Being nice.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don’t do this very much.”

it wouldn't be a quibblah original tee em without some discourse to come about the nature of romantic/sexual relationships, would it? one thing i enjoy about this AU ("one thing" i say as if this isn't the billionth thing in a list) is that i get to write a romantic lily who's squaring that romanticism with what she perceives as the culture of the times. (this is a bit of a staple in all my characterisations of lily, but it is not often paired with casual sex, the complication of all complications!)

oh this bit literally wrote itself like i didn't even pause to think just vomited it out:

In the morning — and it must be early still — the sun streams through Lily’s sorry excuses for curtains with aggression that cannot be ignored. I crack open an eye to find myself sprawled out across her bed, quite literally spread-eagled. She’s attached to my side like a barnacle. Or a very pretty barnacle, anyway.

i'm especially proud of james's voice in this story. i don't often write first-person fic and i was worried how it'd turn out, but i think james as a character/narrator typically colours his own 3rd-person narration so strongly that it ended up a smoother transition than i'd feared!

also i just. i can't resist throwing in comic relief and i hope that this whole segment was a gentle enough preparation for the awkwardness that followed LOL

All of a sudden, the balcony door bursts open. I nearly drop the mug. “What the—” Mary pokes her head around the corner, sporting a righteous smile. “Morning, handsome.” Over her shoulder she shouts, “He’s on the balcony!” I blink. There’s a sound from inside the flat, as if something very large has just been dropped. Then a swear. “Oh, shit,” I say, realisation dawning, “you weren’t looking for me, were you? It’s so loud out here—” Mary cups a hand around her mouth and stage-whispers, “Lily was frantic.” She’s quite violently yanked back, and Lily herself appears in the doorway, slightly out of breath. “Should’ve checked the balcony first,” she says, and closes the door before Mary can insert herself into the space again. “Hi,” I say, which is agreed-upon best practice for greeting a woman you’ve just had fantastic sex with and ideally would like to have sex with again.

to this day i don't know what lily dropped. let's hope it wasn't expensive!

Captained the under-17 English squad at the World Cup some years back, Serie Primo’s lead goal-scorer of last year… Only an injury in what should’ve been his first season at Puddlemere mars his record. I wince reading about it and comparing it to a heap of press clippings. James Potter was hurt, and Puddlemere didn’t fancy paying for him not to play, so they shipped him off to Milan.

(you cannot imagine how much pointed interrogation of my brother it took to gather this intel.) i constantly worry that i've got dates or timelines wrong somehow — you might notice i tweaked under-17, which used to be under-19 until i realised that made no sense (even though in terms of its career importance i would much preferred it to have been u-19.... anyway). i also found out that u-17 football squads don't actually have captains but i said fuck it on that count.

but obviously i started writing this AU for the sports possibilities, only to discover i'm going to have to interfere a great deal with the Timeline (you shall see in future instalments).

god i really went through the whole fic. like i reread the whole thing to do this. here u go clare jfbghjfd

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 2)

no. jk here.

So, it’s morning. I look around at our camp, and see everyone is at work. Karen is painting their flag and using safety scissors to cut out Monty’s head, Kevin is chanting to himself in the corner, Stoner’s been asleep so we buried him in the sand up to his neck and then sculpted a sand castle around him. Tommy is just trying to make eye contact with anyone he can and so I’m...avoiding that. I’d say we are solid but that’s probably not the truth, and so that kind of stinks. I’m hoping the newbies really fuck up, and I know that’s harsh but...that’s showbiz, babe!! Speaking of newbies I still haven’t talked to a few of them.  Emma like zoomed away the first day and I’ve given up on talking to her. Hope she goes first. That’s all I got for now, going to eat breakfast I will continue this rant later.

my truth is that i haven’t played an org game in so long i forgot i was playing and then remembered an hour ago and tried to do this wack qwop game hsksksj! my legs were not qwoperating 

I see there's an arena going on! I might go there first if the rest of the team is okay with it - gives me a chance to scope things out and get a feel for the area. I'm excited!

WE WON THE FUCKING CHALLEEEENGE AAAAA NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT WE KILLT IT WE SCORED 12 AND EVERYONE ELSE GOT LIKE 8 AND 5 OHMYGOOOD IM NOT GONNA BE FIRST OUT YALL IM SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE GSJDKDVDSNDBWSKHSD okAy okay so thank god bc my tribe has like no drama so our vote would’ve been really difficult and that gives me more time to think about my possible advantage and the possible bonds here. 

so while I am safe I still have to game a little bit and talk to the people I’ve been talking with who are going to tribal like Sammy and Jordan, funny enough who are on the same tribe.... maybe I can get them to protect each other..... hm

Well we lost because of technicalities, I choose to blame that. This tribe is apparently extremely quiet to each other, so the fact that I messaged everyone hello this morning, nearly 48 hours after the start, I am SOMEHOW one of the best social players here. Challenges are generally my strength, we got last in QWOP, so backup is social game in a social ORG. I can be in some danger here, but I think I have a TRusuT sclusTER to keep myself here. As is necessary. I don't care who goes, I have a preference, but I don't really want to set a goal right now. Flexibility is key.

I'm literally PISSED. I'm fuming right now, like wtf? OK so I haven't confessed anything yet because my tribe has been SO quiet. I've honestly talked a lot more to some of the people from ONE WORLD than I have from some of the people from my own tribe... and I'm not crazy okay? It's NOT my fault. I put in effort with these people... But some of these people are just DRY! Drier than the Sahara Desert! Drier than my chappy ass lips! They can't hold a conversation, and that's obnoxious. I'm not going to respond to you if your message has literally nothing in it worth responding to, that's why most of my messages will either have a follow-up question, or something actually of substance to comment on/reply to... YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME SO WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT DIALOGUE!!!!!!! But NOOOOOOO, my tribe decides to not speak... MOVING ON! The only people I've had good conversations with really are Juls and Em, and lo and behold, Em does lit rally nothing in this challenge, which sucks because I'm afraid that may put a target on her back. But I'm not sure, I definitely will vote with her and I think Juls will too. I'll move onto that later but I wanna talk about why I'm fucking LIVID RIGHT NOW. I literally made SO many suggestions on how we could tweak who does what in this challenge, or what we do on certain parts. Now I'm going to admit a TINY bit of fault here, in that I didn't say my suggestions on the tribe flag. There are some things I think we could've done to make it better, but I love Juls, and everyone had already told her it was great, so I didn't wanna make her feel that I didn't like it or was over criticizing. So I didn't say anything. That was my bad. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE, LUV? I said We should guess lower than 610... Now granted my even 600 guess still would've been too low to win, BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OVERBOARD! HMPPHH!!!!! Or maybe we could've compromised on 605 if people hadnt IGNORED ME!!!! IDK!??!?!?! Further than that, I asked for different tweaking on the chant and nobody gave any suggestions. I'm not saying we would've won or anything had I taken the lead or that I was doing everything the right way,  obviously I wasn't since my chant got 3rd, but what I'm saying is once it became obvious the challenge was going to be about group participation and suggestion, our tribe needed to unify. Everyone in the tribe needed to have a clearer vision and talk to eachother and actually put in the EFFORT that this stuff requires. Which I'm admitting my own error, in not doing that with the flag. But our tribe was just so quiet and silent before now, which sent me down a paranoid spiral, that I was super fucking worried about my place in the tribe or where things were heading. Now I realize I'm in a good position on the tribe for sure, it's just that our tribe is STRUGGLING. ON THE (Mr.) BRIGHTSIDE!!! We lost by a tiebreaker guess, and only by 4 points.... and I'm pretty close with Juls, and it seems like a target will probably fall pretty easily onto Billy. He had the worst QWOP score, described himself as arrogant in his own intro, and just seems.. critical of others. He gives off a strange vibe. If it's not him, I'm pretty sure it'd end up being Jacob or Em. I feel that me and Juls are safe which is all that I can hope for on a tribe this freaking tiny, I instantly connected with Juls over our love of anime, the fact her name is the same as Euphoria Jules, and other stuff. As far as One World goes, I honestly keep forgetting it exists. I haven't reached out to too many of the others but have talked back to those who talk to me and it's been generally decent. I get along well with other Jacob, the not pie one. Caeleb I already know from before this and so I feel like we'd def work together, and I get good vibes from a lot of these people like Eve, Nicole, Ben, etc. Honestly I'm just so frustrated right now because things have been quiet and nervous and I'm PARANOID, and my tribe was so close to winning but fucked it up over minor things we could've tweaked had we just tried a little harder and communicated a little more. ugh, this SUCKS. now my first legacy in Tumblr Survivor is a mediocre chant (i honestly really like it and i put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT OKAY....) and a trip to tribal council *Sobs* Here's hoping things take a positive turn from here...? It could always be the Bronze before my Gold! ~Hamfisted olympics metaphor~

Love my tribe a lot! However, i still feel on the outside somewhat tho.... Idk this is a lot for me I just hope we win until a swap or whatever its called ahh

Alright, Darcy back here with yet another confessional!   Here is a little update since I last posted confessional, mainly the biggest difference is now I have an ally formed with Ben.   At least, I made a deal with Ben yesterday proposing just the generic looking after one another ordeal, then going to give it some time and maybe question Beck about forming an alliance, since I've been connecting with her even more past bit, but don't want to go too fast and end up asking half my tribe right away to work with me, as I don't want to be seen as playing hard out the gate and make myself a target.   Meanwhile, I decided to give the Olympic Village searching a shot, but alas was no luck in the cafeteria cabinets, so will just have to try my luck again in the future rounds.   Thinking of searching either the South or North end of Village next round, but we shall see.   Anyways, I'm glad my tribe won Immunity, so don't have to go to tribal this round, and this Olympic Arena twist sounds great, essentially one person from each tribe goes to the Arena, I believe for the immune tribes just 1 person is selected to go to the Arena, and for the losing tribes, the two voted out go to arena, where the winner of the voted out people come back in the game, and loser is out of the game for good.   Think I read that all right, but maybe won't hurt to give it another read to double check.   For now though, I shall go, so will see you all with my next confessional.

Fuck having to go to tribal first. I don’t like having to send someone home when I don’t even really know who I’m playing with yet. 

Seems like Billy pulling the "I don't want to make any moves" to me was surprisingly bullshit. Who would've thunk. I think everyone is fine with voting out Billy here, I didn't really want to initially, but yeah, uh no. I could be in danger, but if everyone is honest here, I should be fine. Fingers crossed. "I'm either going to be first boot or win" - Pia Miranda

So, the first tribal is in a bit and we were almost sent there but managed to pull through in the tiebreaker! I hope that opens some of my tribemates eyes (lets be real, just Stoner who hasn’t been doing much of anything!) Being in One World but none of the newbies talking to me is still wild to me, half of them still haven’t even accepted my contact request. Yet they’re plenty active in the chat, so what gives? Anyway, I hope it’s just that they are intimidated by the very fact that I am beauty, and grace, and Miss United States. I hope we can win the next round, hopefully first or second place so we don’t have a close call again. We are trying to get Chris to go to the Arena so he can get us that 20% but he hasn’t answered so...what gives? On the alliance front I’m good with Kevin and Karen tribewise , the bigger picture is Kevin, Jacob and Sammy want to align and then we will have a bigger alliance that includes Beck, Juls and Eve. Eventually I might wanna break off and align with Jules and Eve, but having bigger targets around is essential. Anyway that’s all I got for now. I should start making video confessionals AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING. Ya know? Anyway toodles for now see ya next round. OH, and I’m hoping Jules and Jacob are safe this tribal :( love them and hope we can work together going forward. 

Hiiii, arena results are about to come in so I'm just gonna drop a quickie confessional before that happens. I don't honestly remember how much I talked about the strategy and gameplay that was going on, so I'll give you a quick rebriefing of that. I'm really close with Juls. Em I like, but I want more out of her. Jacob is quiet, but inoffensive. Billy, I actually like him, but there are certain things about him that just.. Rub me (and others) a strange way and that's why we voted him out because certain things he did just didn't quite gel with the rest of the team. If he does return from the arena though, it's possibly I may vouch for him over Jacob because Jacob... HE JUST NEEDS TO TALK!!! But idk. One world still SUCKS and is dragging me through the MUD because nobody wants to do cross-tribe talking me included but that gets me paranoid as FUCK, luv. About the live tribal, it was fun! My camera angle was awkward and I was soo nervous though, but I think I was still able to hold it together relatively well, act normal, and give semi-decent answers. Will definitely be improving my live tribal performance for next time so I can be a bad ass bitch on call, it's GOING to happen... dskfdsf. I love Emma on call/video sooooo much, But on text she's kind of dry. Maybe I need to ask her if I can call her sometime, but I haven't done a call for a game like this in a looong time. I'm a bit nervous about that. But yeah. I'm looking forward to the game... The first tribal just makes everything real, and you realize, oh shit, we're playing Survivor. And I forgot how thrilling it was to play in a live, video environment like that, it just grips you and it feels so much more intense than when wiki results are just posted in chat and you don't have to deal with physically seeing the person you're voting out, talking to them with your actual voice, etc. All that stuff just makes the experience that much more realistic and it's so intense and fun. I'm ready to get this game on (Btw fuck the arena twist)

hey guys im really loving this game so far... keep up the good work!

i didn’t appreciate the attitude billy gave me whenever i tried to help the team out but! i’m willing to get over it because he is a nice guy. i feel fairly comfortable with my team and i’m just hoping we can avoid another tribal! 

Hello! I can not believe I'm back for a 6th time on Tumblr Survivor this is so crazy! Especially for an Olympic season because I vowed to myself that I would never do a season again that was more than 20 people after being in Japan. Now that I'm back I'm ready to play, I haven't really came into this season with a strategy but if I did it would have changed because this is a One World season and now with the arena twist I'm sweating. One World makes the season super social (probably one of my least favorite twists) it's very easy for this season to let pre-mades and majorities take over just like that and let underdogs like me in this season to get taken out especially taken out early. So I have been social not only with me but a few people on different tribes but not too much. I don't want to seem like I'm playing too hard but I wanna build relationships before swaps happen so that people choose to ally with me (A WINNER) over a newbie or a returnee who hasn't won because I already have a big target on my back. With how the tribe divisions are it gives the newbies the biggest advantage with 15 newbies compared to 5 winners and 5 non-winner returnees, which isn't bad in a Fan vs. Favorite season because the ratio is even with returnees and newbies. However, now that I'm in the minority and also labeled a WINNER, I have to do damage control to lower my target but most importantly integrate with other people which is hard because I'm not the best social player and I know that's my weakness but I still have to attempt. In terms of my own tribe I'm closest to Kevin, when I talk to him we have a good conversation I probably already irritate him but I think out of everyone I can put my trust in him the most compared to everyone else. I think having one good ally is how I want to approach this season due to the arena twist I don't want to come across as running the tribe especially the winners tribe incase we do go to tribal because if I vote in the majority and that person stays they are immune and will be mad and spill the beans about the tribe, and I want that person to be the least mad at me so the focus is not on me. So having overall good vibes and 1 strong connection is a good strategy for the long term game. It might put me at risk for being voted out in the short term but I want to play the long-term game. Preferably if it is up to me I'd want Nicole to be the next closest to Kevin and myself without myself having to make an official deal with Nicole so I'm not seen as the ringleader. Kevin says he wants Stoner to be the first one voted out on our tribe but honestly I rather it be Karen. Stoner has the reputation keeps his target bigger than the rest and I think Karen has the better chance of flipping on the winners and succeeding than Stoner does. So my target is Karen if we do lose. I also believe that there may be an alliance with Nicole, Kevin, and Karen which I hope is not an actual alliance because that's bad news for me. I hope we don't go to tribal because I don't wanna go to a tribal with only 5 people. Wish me luck!

Whew it has been one round and i've fucked up so much its not even funny. its a little funny. anyways i start this game on a tribe of 5, i allign with connor who ive never played a game with and find some similar common ground, and with jacob who seems chill. we lose the first challenge sucks and all hell breaks loose, long story short fuck sammy. I'm trying to work my way back in caeleb and jacobs good graces. its gonna be a rocky road, but its one i've driven before

[nancydrew65]

SKAM Austin Season 2 Episode 1 Recap

Faking a boyfriend means one thing, guys. A girl is not into you.

Basically Seniors

Great song to open up the season. ‘Lipgloss’ is very upbeat and catchy.

But I‘ll be honest. I seriously thought I was watching an ad for about 30 seconds before I realized it was the opening to the clip.

Tyler is gay! SKAM Austin finally confirmed our suspicions and I am so happy. Nice twist in having Tyler being the one kissing someone instead of Shay. Really highlights how they are both kind of the Isak character of this show (though I’m pretty sure it will be Shay who has the next season).

Aww. Zoya helping Jo with her sweater head scarf. They are so cute together.

So, Kelsey finally became a Kitten. Good for her, I guess. She actually looks really good; longer hair suits her.

I really like how they are introducing Grace (Noora) being on the newspaper early on. That will definitely add depth later in the season when she is asked to write the article.

It has been a whole year since the Daniel debacle instead of just a few months like it was in OG. I wonder how that will affect the story line. I can understand more how Kelsey might have developed another crush on Daniel seeing as him shaming her happened so much longer ago.

Grace invented a boyfriend to get Daniel off her case. Daniel, if a girl has to invent a boyfriend in order to avoid you, you should take a hint and leave her alone.

Damn, he just stares at Grace for an uncomfortably long time while taking the selfie with Kelsey.

Not A Good Person

I love how Grace is dancing while she cooks. Great continuation of that moment when she danced to cheer Megan up last season.

Wow, Marlon actually says something worthwhile and accurate!

And then Megan ruins it. I’m sorry, but I am going to off on a bit of a tangent here: Saying things like “He keeps on pursuing her because she doesn’t want to be left alone” is so dangerous. Because how does a guy know if the girl is secretly into him? He doesn’t. And assuming things like that is not right. It basically gives men permission to do whatever they want to a woman under the guise of her secretly wanting it. I’m not an idiot; I know SKAM Austin is trying to set up how Grace actually does secretly like Daniel, but that is not the case for every situation. And saying things like “Maybe she doesn’t want to be left alone” as a broad generalization is very problematic. It promotes a male centered rape culture. It is a less harsh way of saying “She deserved to get raped because she was wearing revealing clothes” or saying “She wanted it, so it is OK.” And it is very much not OK. Whew, sorry. Just had to get that off my chest. I know SKAM Austin probably didn’t mean it like that, but putting that line into a season that will most likely deal with sexual assault was a poor choice on their part.

I got so excited that Grace might actually tell Kelsey what has been going on. Yeah, it would be a harsh blow, but it is way better than continuing to lie and deceive her. WHY did Megan advise Grace to not tell Kelsey about Daniel texting her????? It feels like Megan is giving some pretty shitty advice this season.

Ahhhh, Eskild’s a woman! I think her name is Eve. I don’t know why I didn’t realize this before. I mean, Shay is Isak. And Eskild was basically a fellow gay man mentor to Isak, so it makes sense they would change him into a lesbian in this remake.

Oh, and Grace was smiling when she saw those texts from Daniel. I honestly don’t know why. He was still a dick when we last saw him. Were they texting for the whole year, though?

Mostly Naked

Well, I really liked how they included a St. Patrick’s Day parade/festival into the show as that is most definitely a big thing in the U.S.

I kind of feel that Megan is way more into Marlon than previous Evas have been towards their respective Jonas’s. What with that tongue line in Clip 1 and her barging in on Marlon and that girl talking, that’s the vibe I get.

I know people are finding Kelsey really annoying this season and while I do agree some of her lines are outrageous (accusing Grace of not caring about her friends, really?), I can’t help but like her. She is just so cute!

Thank you, Zoya! She tried to shut Kelsey’s crush down so fast. If only she were successful. Sigh. On that note, I am already liking Zoya way more. Last season I thought she came off as rather abrasive without as much of Sana’s soft side. I hope they explore this soft side of Zoya more this season. I could find myself really enjoying a season of her.

Know-It-All

More Poonam! Yay!!! I love her so much. Her deadpan line about not wanting to associate with Grace was EVERYTHING.

Oh, Kelsey, why do you have these hopeless fantasies about Daniel. I feel so bad for her already.

David already seems cool. The brief moment when you thought he could be a potential love interest for Kelsey, and the crushing disappointment when you realized he was with Shay. Noooo! Though since next season, Shay will most likely come out as lesbian, we might see David become a love interest for Kelsey. Wasn’t the actor who played Magnus in OG named David? Please let this happen. Kelsey deserves a nice guy in her life who shares her love of ‘Hamilton’.

Who Is He?

I am literally Eve when anyone is baking cookies. I am really digging Eve so far. She seems way more calm and chill than other versions of Eskild. (I am looking at you, Mika from SKAM France).

‘Daniel Williamson’. Could you get a boy’s name that sound whiter?

Hmm, I think it is interesting how they introduced Daniel’s sister so early. I hope they dig into his backstory a bit more, you know, how he was affected by her death instead of just glossing over it like they did in OG. I think in OG they actually mentioned that his sister died in a car accident. I hope SKAM Austin isn’t as explicit, that way it comes as more of a shock later on.

Messed Up

Jo talking lovingly about her unibrow is all I want in life.

Oh, no. Kelsey exercising and refusing food? Not a good sign. I guess they are going to go into the eating disorder storyline. Also, how are beans bad for you?

Aw, Grace made the nachos with gluten-free chips specifically for Kelsey. And then offered to cook something else for Kelsey. If only Kelsey had taken her up on that offer.

Daniel calls Kelsey to get to Grace. Grace using the pre-calc excuse is way more believable than saying he needed someone’s number. Also, plenty of seniors take pre-calc. And not because they are bad at math.

I like that Daniel admitted his actions were messed up. BUT, dude, if you know what you are doing is messed up, then don’t do it. LEAVE GRACE ALONE! Hopefully, this admission of his points to him being less of a dick than William was, but we’ll see how the rest of the season plays out.

General Thoughts

This is the first season of any version of SKAM that I have watched live and it is a wild experience. I am on the edge of my seat, constantly checking to see if a new clip has come out. I now definitely understand how SKAM got so popular and addictive when it first aired. I thought this was a pretty strong start to the season. They were a few tweaks that really worked well, like Tyler’s confirmation of being gay (or bi, who knows?) and Eskild’s character being a woman. All in all, I think this remake has a very different vibe from OG Skam and I am excited to see where it heads.

[justemmakathleen]

Write it like you.

So I’ve always wanted to write a book. I’ve made story after story since I was little. I started writing for fun when I was in middle school and got more serious about it in college. This past year I’ve given a lot of attention to one specific story I’m working on.

I think about it everyday, I jot down notes, I open the document and write, edit, or stare at it in most of my spare time.

Lately I’ve been struggling with the tone of the novel, the writting style. I’ve written about 20,000 words that I consistently am changing and tweaking. The story stays the same (I have most of the plot flushed out), but the vibe, wording, and style still has me floundering.

I go up to my book shelf and read/study the first few chapter of my favorite books. And each time I do that and go back to write the tone shifts a little. It will be the same few scenes but each one reads a little like a diffirent author I like.

This one has a John green voice.

This one is formulated like Harry Potter.

This one has a touch of Maggie Stiefvater.

And while the passages remind me of my favorite authors they disappoint me.

There’s a quote that says “you don’t have to be pretty like her, you can be pretty like you.” And I’ve been thinking about that in terms of writting too. You don’t have to write like them, you can write like you.

I can use those authors to inspire me and help me, but I’m disappointed when I try to be like them because A) I’m not them and trying to be like them is a lot of pressure on myself. And B) the words don’t read how I want when I write them because I’m not writing them as me. I’ll start scenes over and over each time they sound like a diffirent person, but I scrap them because they don’t sound like me. My characters are mine, and they need my voice to make them alive how they are in my head.

It hard to be confident that your writing is good if it doesn’t sound like what you know is good. But you also won’t like it unless you make it like you. Kind of like when you try to change your body to look like someone else, you’re never really happy because you’re not loving you.

So this new year I’m trying to practice loving my writing for how it sounds like me instead of hating how it doesn’t seem as good as others.

I’m hoping this will mark some real progress in writting my book, hopefully I’ll be able to share it all with everyone in the next couple years😉

[changerayon4-blog]

Donkey Kong Country 'Fearless'

Emunator (Wes McDonald) hits us with an energetic, genre-focused house take on "Fear Factory" from DKC, deviating from his more ambient & less overtly EDM style for something different & leveraging some vocal snippets to seal the feel:

"Hey there! Here's another remix I've been toiling over for the past year that I'm not quite satisfied with, but it's polished enough that I'm ready to get it off my plate!

My remixes to date have all been colored with various electronic music styles, but this is by far my most overtly-EDM influenced attempt to date. I've felt the urge to produce a full-blown house track for ages, and I've also wanted to include vocals in a track, so I decided to indulge both of those desires here.

I'm acutely aware of how many times this particular source has been remixed in an electronic style, and after hanging around OCR long enough, I also know that many listeners have a strong aversion to vocal-driven VGM of any kind. I've always been very self-conscious about sharing my music, and as a result, I think I've only been willing to publicly release songs that I knew would be well-received. But for once, I decided to shelve my anxieties and put this out there anyway, even though it's not very "on-brand Emunator" and I don't have a clue what I'm doing with EDM production... hence the title "Fearless"!

As far as arrangement goes, this starts out pretty conservative by my standards and doesn't really tie into any bigger conceptual structure like many of my past submissions. I wanted the vocals (which I sampled from a Vengeance Vocal Essentials pack, hence the nonsense lyrics -- hopefully, they're not too distracting!) to introduce some original melodies to the first half while still sounded vaguely "Fear Factory"-esque. The second part of the mix dives into a darker chillstep territory, driven by a looser, more interpretive take on the original melody, supplemented with vocal ad-libs rather than actual lyrics.

I had a lot of fun putting this together and learned a ton about electronic music production in the process. Even though this isn't indicative of where I plan on taking my music in the future (I definitely intend to bring back the ethnic-ambient vibes for my next submission), I hope you all enjoy this little experiment of mine!"

Neat; the vocal snips did distract me a bit the first time, but I think I was actually biased by his description... on subsequent listens, I was digging them a lot more. This is certainly more "staple" EDM than we've ever seen from Wes, but I enjoyed it, and it ended up bringing a new swing & a new thing for a pretty well-tread source. I can thing of specific tweaks I would like to have seen - more emphatic sidechaining, and dropping the underlying pads at 3'01" - but I dug the preceding synth solo at 2'37" & was bobbin' my head the whole way through. I think that generally the repeated HPF builds don't hit hard enough on the subsequent drops, but I'm also far from an EDM guru myself, so take that with a grain (or two, or three) of salt. Larry writes:

""Aquatic Ambiance" may be the source tune king of DKC, but "Fear Factory" is a close second and an inherently strong composition, so I never get tired of takes on this classic by David Wise. I dug the dynamics here, all while staying very upbeat, and I liked the aggression with some of the grittier sounds. That little dropoff from 2:30-2:37 was a thing of beauty; boy, I would have loved to have heard that expanded out a little longer. I actually think the sampled vocals being non-descript will help some people lose themselves in it, but we'll see how folks react. It's not Emunator's most polished piece in terms of the mixing, as Wes himself implies, but he nonetheless sets a high personal bar for himself, and this is nicely put together. There's an old saying: "Don't make the perfect the enemy of the good." We always encourage artists on the fence about submitting arrangements they feel aren't perfect or ideal. Don't let cool concepts just rest on your hard drive; send them in! Very happy to have this added into the DKC collection. :-)"

EDM is a craft unto itself and I think, especially in the last decade or so, that craft has become increasingly complex & challenging. What some snootier jazz & classical musicians might label as "not real music," etc. has widened in variety & matured in technique, and it can be a bit sobering to wander into & attempt when coming from other backgrounds & emphases. Wes has "fearlessly" done exactly that, and for a first foray OR a twentieth this is a pretty damn solid, enjoyable jam, and serves up "Fear Factory" deliciousness in an accessible, familiar, & still creative package!

Source: http://ocremix.org/remix/OCR03931

[thisxolove]

Nothing Without You (Chapter 6)

Nickiah  "The fuck wrong with you!?" I yelled as the warm vomit sat on my skin.  Abel was coughing as he held his stomach.  "Shit, I told you to get off me." I stormed off into the bathroom and turned the faucet on.  "We going home!" I yelled. "Home for what?!" I heard him yell back. "Something is fuckin' wrong with you!" "Ain't shit wrong with me!" I heard him fall limply onto the bed.  "We getting out of here first thing smoking! I can't deal with your bull shit here!" I took the excess vomit from my chest before jumping straight into the shower. The fuck is wrong with his ass? Two Days Later Abel We just touched down in Los Angeles again. Nicki wanted to come back home as soon as possible after I left her alone in the hotel room. Needless to say, but said anyway, we're not on good terms. She's been bitching at me about it ever since. Can't say I blame her either, but I can't put up with her shit.  When we got back to our Beverly Hills mansion, things were awkward. "Hey, ma." AJ said to Nicki.  "Hi, baby," she answered in a dry monotone. I watched as AJ's face scrunched up in confusion.  "What's wrong?" He asked "Nothing," she replied.  That's when I watched Nicki walk towards our bedroom and shut the door behind her.  AJ looked at me with confusion on his face. I took this as an opportunity to talk to him. "AJ, come over here," I waved at him. He walked over towards the couch and sat beside me.

“Is she okay?”

I sighed. “She’s a little upset at me, but don’t take it personally. She’ll get over it.”

“What did you do?”

I smacked my lips as I debated telling him the truth. “I threw up on her.”

AJ looked at me before bursting into laughter. “You threw up on her?”

I chuckled, “Yeah, man. She’s pissed at me.”

“That sucks,” he continued laughing.

“I know. Ay, let’s go visit Uncle Lamar for a minute,” I suggested.

He hopped from the couch, “Yeah, because I owe him a whooping in 2K.”

I laughed before I picked up the car keys from the ebony wooden coffee table. I watched as AJ grabbed his XO snapback and placed it proudly on his head. That shit made me smile.

He never left the house without XO somewhere on his body.

“Gotta wear your hat, huh?” I asked.

“Hey, if it ain’t XO, then it gotta go, right?” he shrugged his shoulders.

When he said that, it caught me off guard. My head jerked back in interest as my smile grew bigger.

“I like that shit,” I said, holding my hand up for a high five.

AJ smiled proudly before delivering a smack to my hand. He really was my mini me, a smart, shy kid with a sense of humor. The only difference was that my son was happier at his age than I was. That’s the way I wanted it. I bust my ass in the studio so my family can reap the benefits at home.

It made me proud to have the type of relationship I had with AJ, though. I see myself in him so much. Hopefully I’ve done a good job at keeping him happy so he won’t have to turn to drugs and partying in a few years like I did at his age.

We left the large home before walking out to the Aventador sitting in the drive way.

“Wait, we didn’t tell mom we were leaving,” AJ said.

I thought about going back to say something to her, but I quickly waved it off. “Nah, I’ll call her while we’re out.”

I really didn’t feel like being bothered with Nicki right now because I felt it would just cause an argument that I wasn’t willing to have.

We hopped in the car and pulled out of the gates guarding our home. I called Lamar on the car phone.

“Yo, nigga I’m on my way,” I said.

“Nigga, don’t be popping up on me like that. That’s how you get killed.”

We both chuckled and I looked over at AJ.

“I got the mini me with me today,” I informed him.

“AJ?”

“Hey Uncle Lamar,” he said.

“Wassup nephew,” Lamar replied.

I smiled. Even though I was starting to have a strain in my marriage, I didn’t think it was enough to kill the vibe I was feeling with my son right now.

After hanging up the phone with Lamar, I turned the radio back on.

Can’t Feel My Face began playing and AJ began nodding his head to the beat as he sang along.

I laughed, “You really like this one, huh?”

“You sound like Michael Jackson, dad.”

I took that as a huge compliment as I smiled.

“What ‘chu know about MJ, boy?” I laughed.

“He’s the King of Pop. He reminds me of you.”

I was quick to correct him. “Nah, he shouldn’t remind you of me. I should remind you of him. He’s the legend.”

AJ nodded, “He’s the King of Pop and you’re the King of the Fall.”

I chuckled, “That’s right.”

“I loved that last album, dad. I can’t wait for the next one.”

I decided to get some insight from my little twin. I trust his word, always have.

“What’d you like about it?”

He shrugged, “It was pretty fun and upbeat, well, not The Hills, but…”

“Boy, what are you doing listening to The Hills?” I asked as a chuckle escaped my mouth.

“The girls like it,” he laughed.

I couldn’t hold my laughter after hearing that. AJ is taking after me more and more everyday.

“The girls like it?” I asked, “Girls in your school?”

All of my kids attend a private school here in LA. They don’t go full time though because the family schedule is always hectic due to me and Nicki’s careers. I don’t know if we’re making a mistake by only having them in school part-time, but it’s working out so far. My kids ain’t slow.

“Yeah, they’re always playing in my hair and asking me to sing for them.”

I proudly smiled. “And do you do it?”

“I try, but I can never hit the notes like you do.”

I laughed, “Don’t worry, with time it’ll come.”

He smiled. I knew he was proud of me and I was fuckin proud of him too.

“But daddy, when is your next album coming out?”

“What? Haven’t you heard?”

“Heard what?” he asked.

“I’m retiring from music, son.”

I glanced over at him and his eyes widened, “What?! You retiring?? You can’t retire, dad! Music needs you! XO needs you!”

I smiled. That shit just tickled me.

“I’m not retiring, AJ,” I laughed.

“You promise?”

“I’ll be dropping albums ‘til the day I die.”

“Even ‘til you’re old and your hair turns gray?”

“You damn right.”

He smiled in satisfaction.

“I’m just trying to find the theme of my new album.”

“Dark like Kiss Land or Pop like Beauty?” he asked.

Intrigued that he knew so much about my music, I took another glance over at him. As surprised as I was that he even asked me, the question struck me with more interest. I had to sit and think on that one.

“I mean, I’m gonna try and appeal to a broader audience, but still throw my dark side in it.”

“Why are you trying to change your sound to appeal to people who didn’t care when you started?”

Damn. I had to admit, my 11 year old had a valid point.

“Um, it’s a lot with that.”

“Like what, dad?”

“There’s the business aspect of it, now. My label wants me to generate music that can be played on the radio. Then again, I’m just testing the waters now. Trying to reinvent myself over and over again. I’m not trying to recreate any old feelings.”

“But dad, you started off doing dark music because it was unique. Who cares if the crowd doesn’t understand it. It’s who you are and it’s how XO was born.”

“No, I created dark music because it reflected how I felt on the inside.”

“You don’t feel like that now?”

I sat silently because I knew damn well if I was to answer him, I’d be lying and I’d rather say nothing than to tell him the hard truth about how I’ve been feeling.

Truth is, I’ve been conflicted. Part of me is torn between wanting to vent my true feelings into my music, but then the other is trying to make my music appease the large majority. After working on Kiss Land the way I wanted to and it didn’t generate well in the mainstream, my label pressured me into changing my sound up. I rebelled for some time, that’s why I wrote King of the Fall, but I knew if I wanted others to hear my project, I would have to tweak it some.

Plus with me being sober and not taking any drugs during the last three eras, Kiss Land, King of the Fall, and Beauty, I’ve lost a lot of confidence. I feel like I’m lying in my music and thus, lying to my fans. It’s a lot to absorb, especially when my label is on my back about radio hits and pop music.

Part of me loves the pop sound because I get to branch out and experiment with my music, then another part feels like I constantly have to keep topping my last hit just to stay on my game. I’m losing confidence and trying hard not to show it through my work.

I decided to change the subject.

“You hungry?”

He looked at me. “Yeah, I am.”

“What you want to eat?”

“Let’s go to Taco Bell,” he said, pointing at the food joint on the side of the road.

I chuckled. I love that my kids are so humble even though they live larger than most.

I pulled up into the Taco Bell parking lot and parked the car. Before getting out, I put my sun shades on and a snapback on my head.

“Camouflage,” I said, laughing as I looked over at my son.

He returned the laugh, “Is that why you cut your hair, dad?”

“It was a big reason. Tired of people spotting me from 3.8 miles away and shit,” I laughed.

He couldn’t contain is laughter before opening the passenger car door. Nicki would kill me if she found out that I let AJ ride shotgun beside me. She still feels that 12 and under is the age that kids should stay in the backseats, but when we riding in these foreign sports cars, we got limited choices. Besides, he’s 11. He’s good.

We walked into the restaurant and blended in well. I mean, people know I live in this neighborhood, but any tourists could be around and I didn’t need the hype right now.

After ordering a couple Doritos Locos Tacos and a snack pack of soft shells, we sat at a table not too far from the door in case I had to get the fuck out of here. I don’t have my security with me so I’m taking a chance, but I’m with my son. I don’t give a fuck.

I sat down and began unwrapping one of my Doritos Tacos before AJ stopped me.

“Dad, we have to say grace,” he said.

I sighed. “Oh, shit. I forgot.”

“Mom makes us say grace before we eat anything.”

“Yeah, I know she does. Nothing wrong with it. You say it, though.”

He looked at me and slightly chuckled. I was dead serious though.

He closed his eyes and bowed his head, “Father God, please bless this food we’re about to receive in our bodies. We ask you to remove all impurities from it and bless the hands that prepared it. Please allow this food be nourishment to our body and soul, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“Amen.” I opened my eyes and began ripping open my tacos.

AJ took a bite of his nacho cheese flavored Doritos Locos Taco.

“Dad, when are we gonna go back to bible study? Mom’s been wanting to lately.”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve been so busy planning for my upcoming album lately, but I’m planning on throwing a lot of religion into this new project.”

“Mom would be so proud,” he laughed. “What do you think you’re gonna do?”

“Not sure yet. Probably use the symbol of the cross. I have a lot of imagery to play with,” I wiped my mouth. “Not even sure church would benefit me now.”

“Why’d you say that?”

“Because,” I paused. “Just a lot of stuff going on.”

“Like what?”

“Stuff you don’t need to know about right now.”

There was no way I could tell him about the evils of the music industry. I’ve thrown myself into that snake pit and honestly, sometimes I just wish I could trade it all for some inner peace and spiritual satisfaction, but I made the damn decision and now I gotta live with it.

There’s sex, women, lust, money, and tons of drugs entangled in the mainstream music industry and with me trying to escape my drug habits, I’ve been backed into a corner of confliction. A feeling I can’t escape. That’s why Prisoner was written with Lana Del Rey. I had to vent and I have a feeling I’ll vent in this new project.

“Does mom know how you feel?”

“Um, nah. I’ll just keep that to myself for now.”

“You’ll let it out in the studio, huh?”

“Yeah, that’s where I do my best venting.”

That’s when my phone rang. It was Nicki. I knew she would call sooner or later.

“Hello?”

“Abel, where the hell are you? And where is my child!”

“Calm your voice down. I took him to grab some food and we’re gonna go chill with Lamar for a little while.”

I heard her voice calm, “Look, you could have told me you was leaving.”

“You left the room and secluded yourself from everyone. My bad.”

“I still need to know if you leave. Anything could happen! Is it just you and AJ?”

“Yeah.”

“See, you don’t even have any security with you!”

“Nicki, calm down. We’re good, girl. Stop tripping.”

I was resting my phone in between my shoulder and ear as I took AJ’s garbage filled tray along with mines over to the trash.

“Well, call me when you get to Lamar’s house,” she demanded.

“Alright, I got ‘chu.”

Just then I heard laughter to the side of me. I didn’t pay it any attention until someone said my name.

“Abel,” the familiar voice came.

I turned to follow the voice and all the blood rushed to my feet, making it impossible for me to move.

“Bella?!”

[starlight-academy]

developing characters is hard

so i realise i still have a jillion unanswered questions in my inbox and like, i’ll get to them, but first i wanted to get some thoughts down on some stuff that’s been on my mind lately. i can’t guarantee they’ll be very coherent? but i wanna at least put it into words to help get it straight in my own head and also like, make it known that this is stuff i’m taking into consideration

this is about my (questionably successful) attempts in creating a racially diverse cast

okay so first like: this shit’s hard and it doesn’t really help that I’m White and also that i initially went about it in kind of a backwards way. i feel like a lot of my faults in this regard have been due to me trying to tack cultural backgrounds onto a stupidly large cast of already existing characters in kind of a hurry

lemme elaborate on my process. so i have a group of 30-odd weird alien kids, right? they already had names and personalities which with a bit (a lot) of tweaking could probably come out resembling a group of 30-odd weird adult wizards. now i was eager to get started with the starlight rp, so i didn’t really leave myself a whole lot of time to flesh out these fleshy human versions of my beloved fantrolls. i had plot shit and game mechanics shit to work out too (and they weren’t exactly a flawless work of art, either). my brain was kind of on overdrive

you’d think it’d be easy to figure out human headcanons for your own characters but honestly, a lot of the decisions i made were pretty arbitrary. some of them i already had pretty clear mental images for but most of them i really didn’t

so, for a lot of them i started with the name. i wanted to avoid the entire cast being all Whitey McWhitename but i also wanted them to be more or less recognisable as their original troll counterparts. and like, this might have been okay if i wasn’t rushing it, but i was rushing it, and so i ended up with a fair few a) inaccuracies and b) token-ish kind of racial identities, and it was all sort of a mess

i’ve changed a few names already. vered is ezra. hari is rani. luka and marie both have two surnames as per mexican naming conventions. etc etc. there’s still a lot of shit i gotta work through, though. here’s some of it

* as i understand it now, using magic is generally considered a pretty big no-no in islam. this discovery affected two of my characters: thana (torcht, the librarian) and banu (formerly professor avci). banu is the bigger issue since she is an active user of magic, so my first thought was to just make her a non-muslim and leave it at that, even though she’s from turkey which has a muslim majority population, but this feels like kind of a lazy solution. i’m also considering making her indian rather than turkish, since somehow there is only one indian character?? so that change could kill two birds with one stone, i guess. now that i’ve said it i’m kind of leaning towards that

thana is probably safer, i think. hopefully. having her being totally hands-off regarding magic feels totally compliant with how she’s already been handled in canon, at least. kinda sucks that she’s also the Only Muslim by necessity, but it at least feels like something i can work with and expand on during the story

* aarluk (formerly yakone) is a character i’ve wrestled with a bunch. i imagined him as inuit (at least, partially) from the get-go since it seemed like a logical transition from his old fantroll self. i wasn’t really aware at the time of the history regarding indigenous people and boarding schools (i.e. native kids being sent to government schools for assimilation purposes). and like, starlight academy isn’t a boarding school per se, it’s a university, but the idea of a native kid staying abroad at school for three years wasn’t really sitting right with me

i don’t know how much of the “boarding school” vibe actually translated? like, obviously most universities have dorms that students can stay at, so it’s possible that i’m exaggerating the problem. regardless, aarluk for the time being is half-inuit. he will be living with relatives nearby rather than at the dorms. i hope this will alleviate the major potential points of discomfort

* my other asian students are kind of all over the place at the moment. taeko and lily are japanese, celeste (who wasn’t even in the original rp) is chinese, mandy is korean, rhiannon is vietnamese, boy howdy it all feels very hollow and token-y. if i were going to change any of them i’d probably make rhiannon chinese; her surname is easily translatable and personality-wise she’s a good contrast to celeste. not sure yet if i’ll keep mandy as-is

it also kinda bothers me that most of them have western names, lol. i shamefully don’t really have much figured about their backgrounds (particularly for mandy and rhiannon) so this is something i could easily fix later down the line when i have more shit nailed down

* the group of third-years feels like, super white. only banu and mandy are definitely Not White. i don’t know if anyone’s really gonna look at the third-years in isolation but it’s still kinda tempting to change one or two of them

* maybe more jewish characters too? ezra and prof neuman are the only ones i have right now. maybe i could make one of the whiter characters jewish as well. i’m not sure yet

* i also just, gotta remind myself that trying to represent Everyone is completely unreasonable even with a cast of like 40 characters. i should be focusing more on fleshing them out and making them feel real rather than filling my Diversity Checklist(tm)

god why do i have like 40 characters. why am i doing this

is anyone still reading this?? i doubt it but hey thanks for reading. if you’re in a position to give me feedback about any of this stuff (or on anything i haven’t covered/haven’t thought of? that sticks out to you) i’d appreciate it lots. i’m trying my best but i still have a lot of work to do.