#i think i made too many. oops. i wanted like 4 of these but

[markedbyindecision]

@otpsource’s Valentine’s Day Event

↳ Day 4: Shules + quotes

[rivatar]

“You’re Mine Now”

Pairing: Aged!Up!Lo’ak x fem!omatikayan!reader

W/c: 2.5k (oops)

Warnings/content: MDNI, heavy smut, non-con, dacryphilia, innocence/corruption kink, possessive & rough Lo’ak, reader is a virgin, cream pie, (lmk if I missed any!)

A/n: this is for prompt 4 of Pandora’s Bloody Moon. I know Bia’s acc is deleted but @hidden-snow asked that we continue the event. So here ya go, ya filthy sluts 💖

Also credit to @sugarsong78 for creating the idea of the Blood Moon! ❤️

P.S. if any of you have watched the movie Fear with Mark Wahlberg and Reese Witherspoon— it’s kinda giving that whole psychopath vibe 🤭👀

Lo’ak had always had eyes for you. Sure, he got around and had his fair share of girls, but you made him unbelievably curious and he came to the conclusion that he needed to corrupt you before anyone else did, or he would never be satisfied.

Maybe it was because you were so untouchable. He was certain you were a virgin because he knew almost all the other guys have tried to sweet talk you and always end up failing, just like he did. He had thought he would have an advantage as the Olo’eyktan’s son but you still turned him down, much to his frustration.

It wasn’t that he was desperate for sex, he could easily hook up with many of the other omatikaya girls. But something about you always intrigued him and drew in his attention. Maybe it was the chase that he liked so much, the fact that you wouldn’t give into him made him want you more, like a challenge. He spent far too much time thinking about you and wanting to know more about you. He would talk to you and joke with you whenever he could, constantly trying to just earn a spot with you. There was even times he thought of you when he was fucking another girl so that he could finish. He was infatuated and wanted to have you and ruin you. He wanted to show you how good he can make you feel and watch you crumble over and over again though multiple orgasms until you were shaking from being overstimulated. He wanted to be the first. But how could he if you wouldn’t even give him the slightest chance?

Tonight was the night the Blood Moon would make its appearance; all Na’vi knew and many prepared themselves the best they could. A lot of families essentially locked themselves inside their houses and took sleeping medicine so that they wouldn’t be awake and outside roaming in their demon form.

On the other hand, a lot of Na’vi embraced this phenomenon. They thought of it as a natural way of life and it should be able to take its course through them for just one night of the year. Eywa made no mistakes to them, so surely there was a reason for this too.

Lo’ak was aware this was tonight and he made up his mind and had a plan in order. He was going to find you and have you, no matter what. And the scheming bastard was so clever that he already knew he was going to blame his shameful behavior on the Blood Moon’s effect on him, so that hopefully you would forgive him afterwards.

…

You on the other hand, were one who didn’t want to participate in this and you were going to take all the precautions to avoid everyone and the consequences. This wasn’t your first rodeo, you’ve done this before on this night each year and have been fine. Your process was to close off your entrance so one would come in and so the moonlight wouldn’t touch you and make you possessed. Once the Blood moonlight hit the Na’vi skin, it was game over.

To trap yourself in, years ago you had made a woven covering supported with wooden beams that covers where your opening to your hut is. It was still evening but you would rather be safe then sorry so you put it up and tied it securely to the sides of your hut to keep it in place.

Then you sat and waited and ate your dinner alone. Praying to Eywa nothing would happen to you tonight.

…

You lifted the covers on your cot to tuck yourself in, deciding to try and go ahead and go to sleep.

Your ear twitches as you hear a sound outside your living space, as if someone was walking up to your blocked-off entrance.

BANG, BANG, BANG.

Your heart dropped as you stared fearfully at your makeshift door being banged on repeatedly.

“YAWNEEEE!! ITS LOAKKK!!” He shouted loudly while still banging the door.

What in Eywa’s name? Lo’ak?? Yawne???

You were so shocked you didn’t speak, not knowing what to say and hoping maybe he’d go away. He wouldn’t be in his right mind right now.

The banging continued. “You gonna let me in??? Or do I have to break in myself??” He yelled while obnoxiously laughing.

“L-Lo’ak, please go away! I’m trying to sleep,” you tried to deny his request politely.

“Nahhh baby, why would I leave when I need you so bad?? Think I’ll dieee if I don’t get you!”

What the hell? This cannot be happening. Your heart was pounding and your hands were clammy in fear. He was literally insane right now.

Then he used all his strength which was heightened right now to shake and break your barrier down, snapping the ties loose and it fell forward with a thud in front of him.

Standing at the door, he instantly made eye contact with you sitting on your bed.

The sight of him was enough to make you nearly piss yourself. His skin was grey and his freckles were bright red, a much different look from his normal vibrant blue. But his eyes were the most horrific part; replacing the normal yellow tint, they were now red orbs glowing in the dark of the night. He smiled devilishly from ear to ear, flashing his even larger fangs and ran his tongue over his teeth like you were his delicious prey. He looked deranged, like a psycho.

“Hi, yawne,” he whispered eerily, still smiling and staring deep into your soul. It seemed to make him smile bigger seeing how terrified you looked trying to cower back onto the bed. You noticed the tent in his loincloth and tears started forming in your eyes. You knew another effect of the Blood Moon was heightened sexual urges.

“Lo’ak please!! Don’t do this!!” You begged.

He quietly stalked closer to you until he could kneel next to your bed. He was even scarier up close.

“Why not? I don’t think I can wait a second longer, baby,” he rubbed your leg and you jumped at the contact.

“I don’t want to!” You cried, warm tears cascading down your cheeks.

You looked into those eyes and didn’t see the Lo’ak you normally knew. No, he was possessed right now, of course it wasn’t really him.

He ran his calloused hand up your leg to cup your pussy through your cloth. You barely whimpered in both terror and sudden pleasure shooting up your spine as you continued crying.

He grinned more. He thought you looked so pretty when you cried.

He then moved your loincloth to the side to touch your bare cunt.

“You’re wet already. You may not want this but your pretty pussy is crying out for me,” he tried convincing you; and subconsciously himself.

He slid a finger inside you swiftly and watched your face intently for a reaction. You were trying so hard not to give him any reaction but you have never felt this before so the pleasure was an unknown feeling for you that you couldn’t control.

All you could do was stare at him as your chest heaved up and down, adjusting to the new stretch his long finger provided.

He pulled it back and slammed back in. A gasp slipped out of your mouth as your pussy fluttered, gripping him perfectly.

“Fuck, that little virgin pussy is sucking me in so tight. Don’t worry, I’ll stretch you out a bit before you have to take my cock,” Lo’ak said.

“Please stop,” you begged again and shook your head ‘no’, yet feeling betrayed by your body succumbing to the pleasure.

Your unwillingness seemed to only make him want you more. He was determined to make you take it and make you cum and feel good. By the end of it you were gonna like it, he promised himself in his mind.

“But you’re doing so good. I gotta claim you as mine now,” he stated plainly, as if that wasn’t a big deal nor required your consent.

He pumped his finger into you and you felt an unfamiliar tightening and gooey feeling in your lower stomach. It felt so good after the initial stretch. You tried to not moan but you couldn’t help it, so you threw your head back so you at least wouldn’t have to look at him. You spread your legs more without even thinking. He didn’t want to wait any longer to ravish you, and ruin you and your innocence.

He suddenly yanked your loincloth off and decided your top needed to go too so he ripped it off as well, leaving you on display for him.

He nearly drooled at the sight, you were like a fresh meal set out and prepared for him, all for his taking.

“Gonna make you cum first before I fuck you,” he told you.

He lowered his head to lick at your clit and continued pumping his single digit. The feeling of his rough tongue was something else, it was entirely foreign and nothing like you could’ve ever imagined. It was heavenly.

He then added another finger, assuming you were ready for it by the way your wetness coated his fingers and knuckles. Your sounds of pleasure tumbled from your lips and he savored every one of them like the sweetest song to his ears.

“Feels good, right?” He asked sensually.

You nodded your head and gave a whiny, pathetic “mhmm”

“Yeah I know it fucking does. Should’ve done this to you a long time ago”

Your brain didn’t register that he wanted to do this before now, too. Your adrenaline coursed through your veins and all your senses were heightened. So many unfamiliar feelings all at once and you had no choice but to lay and take it.

“I-It feels weird,” you panted “like I’m about to pee” your eyebrows scrunched up.

He laughed at your pure innocence, it filled him with so much pride and his ego swelled.

“That means you’re gonna cum. Poor girls never felt an orgasm before, huh?”

Your heart sped up faster and the pleasure increased more and more, rushing you towards the climax.

“You never even touched yourself? Really?”

You shook your head no, barely processing his words.

He made a noise almost like a growl. “Fuck, you’re driving me crazy. So fucking sweet and innocent, all for me to corrupt”

And just like that, you felt a release rush through you and taking over your body. You shook uncontrollably and yelled loudly, conquering your first ever orgasm. He kept licking and pumping to prolong it. It then turned into oversensitivity and you pushing his head away the best you could. He decided to be nice and let off you.

You panted and tried to come back down from it, exhausted already. He chuckled and smiled at you as he licked up all your mess off his face and hand. Your eyebrows were still crunched, but right now it was in confusion and horror at how nasty he was— that just seemed so dirty.

Without saying another word, he pulled down his loincloth to let his cock spring out. You looked at it in curiosity and fear.

“Never seen one of these before, have you?”

You weakly shook your head no, wondering how in the world that was supposed to go inside you?

He started jerking himself slowly and you watched him, frozen in your place. He didn’t take his eyes off you, those red eyes boring into your soul.

“Get on your hands and knees,” he roughly commanded, pointing at the floor in front of him.

You knew you had no choice but to obey, so you slowly and hesitantly did so.

“Good. Now arch that pretty back some”

You again did as he said, poking your ass out more for him.

“Mmmm. What a beautiful sight,” he spoke in awe and approval. He was checking out every part of you like this, staring mainly at your glistening, puffy cunt all eager and ready to be taken.

You were scared of him in his current state and trying to get this over with. You were sure he was gonna hurt you with his cock, judging by the size of him.

You heard him lower himself to his knees behind you and then felt his hand grab onto your hip. He lined himself up and you gasped when you felt his tip make contact with your hole.

“Gonna make you mine now. Your mind, body, and soul will be connected to me now. You never forget your first. And don’t worry, you’re gonna love this cock,” he said.

You weakly turned your head towards him and nodded, not wanting to anger him while he was like this. He could kill you right now if he wanted to.

“Beg for it”

“W-What?”

“I said fucking beg for it. Act like you want it.” He demanded harshly. “Good girls say please”

“Please, Lo’ak” you whimpered weakly.

He spanked your ass hard. “Say it like you mean it!”

“Please! Please! I need it!”

“Good girl,” he finally praised.

Shifting his hips forward, he pressed inside you. The stretch due to his thick girth was even better than he imagined. You were so warm and wet and tight for him.

You winced in pain at the stretch but honestly took it like a champ. You didn’t want to sound pathetically in pain because of him and let him win this.

“You feel so good,” he groaned deeply.

He started thrusting, setting a brutal pace. He was lost in the feeling, he had never felt a pussy this good.

You moaned and tried to cover your noise with your hand. You felt so full and his dick was reaching to where his fingers couldn’t get to. He pressed his back over you and grabbed under your jaw to bring your face next to his. This caused your back to arch more, your flesh smacking and getting louder and louder

“Taking it so well. Be a good girl and cum on my cock, will you?” He asked while tilting his head to look at your face, sloppily kissing your cheek.

You hummed and moaned, not really answering him. Your face was scrunched up and your eyes occasionally opened to look at the ceiling. You were caught up in your pleasure too and were losing all your thoughts.

Before you could register, the feeling came again and your orgasm ripped through you. You made a mess on his dick as your juices flowed out while you convulsed on his length.

“Fuck! That’s so hot,” Lo’ak grunted, watching your pussy cream on his cock. It was more than enough to make him finish too.

“Gonna fill you up now so you’ll smell like me and all the guys will know I claimed you for myself before they could”

His cum spurted inside you and painted your walls pearly white. You felt the warmness and the way everything got even more slippery as his dick was still fucking you, getting every last drop of cum out.

He finally slowed down and you slumped to the floor, absolutely exhausted.

“Good job yawne, I’m so proud of you,” he praised sweetly, quite contrary to the way he appeared— looking like a demon from a nightmare.

He rose up to go over and grab the boundary he broke through earlier. Your ears perked up and wondered what he was doing.

“Gotta make sure no one else wonders in here with us,” he answered your unspoken question.

“You’re mine now.”

Taglist/moots: @neteyamssyulang @bambithewriter @professional-yapper @ikeyniofthetayrangi @loakstahni @inolaphoenix @property-of-neteyam @loak-te-suli @nonamevenus (if you don’t wanna be tagged just lmk!!)

[child-of-helios]

hello. I've a rather stupid question. I've only read the books once, as a kid, and I don't understand why people hate calpyso x leo. whys it so bad? why does everyone seems to hate it on here?

xxx,

eurydice

First of all, this is my first ever ask, I've made it mother :D Secondly, I'd gladly explain! Though please note that it really has been a good while since I've read the books too, so my memory is kinda foggy :] Warnings for: Slight mentions (but not too much) of rape, pedophilia and mental illness (oh boy this is a tough one)

So, I have made a post abt this before, but it was written in a fit of rage so not my proudest moment (but my most popular post, oops). Anyways, I feel that the hate towards Calypso x Leo is because of a few reasons. 1. It simply didn't get enough development to feel worth it imo. Similar to Jason x Piper, I felt like there wasn't enough there to warrant a canon ship. There is also the fact that personally, I thought that their dynamic was more of a familial or that of siblings, which made me uncomfortable. I would've much rather have them be friends. 2. The uncomfortable age gap. It feels very weird because while yes, Calypso was depicted as a teenager, she is thousands upon thousands of years old. The fact that she fell in love with a literal child is incredibly weird. It was weird enough with Percy, but at least they didn't end up dating. With Leo though, she did end up dating him and the age gap feels very odd. Its even weirder knowing she had a relationship with Odysseus, who by that point was a pretty old dude so she was probably very mature and an adult (though she doesn't act like it). 3. Calypso is kinda a rapist. In the Odyssey myth, she forces Odysseus (a married man) to sleep with her. I'm sorry, but I can't support any relationship involving a rapist unless its rapist x prison cell. It makes me uncomfortable because she could very well take advantage of Leo, a mentally ill teenager with self-esteem issues. 4. Her toxic treatment of Leo. Calypso was very pissed when Leo arrived on her island, rightfully so after what she had gone through, but even then her treatment of his was outright cruel, especially compared to that of Percy and Odysseus. She made him sleep outside, exposing him to the elements after he got flung through the air and ended up on her island, which must've caused some damage. Then after they started dating, I still felt uncomfortable reading about the two, because their dynamic just didn't work, and I don't recall her apologizing to him for her treatment of him. 5. Leo's arc was thrown away. I think the worst of all, is how this impacted Leo's character. He should've had an arc where he learnt to love himself, but because of Calypso he didn't. I think the moral was supposed to be: 'even if you're mentally ill or have problems, you still deserve love!' but it came over more as: 'ignore your issues and get all your love from someone else.' Isn't it more important for kids to learn about self-love? And as an extra: what could've been. I think that Leo shouldn't have gone back for Calypso, that that ship shouldn't have happened. I prefer him going back to Echo and them learning about self-love together as buddies (and maybe evolving into more than that). Echo was stuck in an abusive relationship with the Narcissist, so I think it would a good arc for them both. I also think that if you really wanted a romance, Jason x Leo would've been much better. We know that Rick can write good gay romances, we know that Piper turns out to be a lesbian, so why not make Jason and Leo gay? I think it would add much more to the tragedy of Jason's death, but that's for another post (and this one is getting too long already oops). In conclusion, I think Caleo is bad for many reasons, but especially because it didn't have enough time to develop and the dynamic was simply too creepy for me to get invested in. Sorry for the super long post- Have a lovely day :D

[lowkeyremi]

Haikyuu men as fathers :D

Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4

FT. Hinata, Bokuto, Suna, and Kenma. (If you guys want other characters lmk, i'm just not in the mood to do a bunch rn)

SO I JUST READ LIKE THE CUTEST HAIKYUU FATHERHOOD ONE SHOT AND NOW I WANNA DO HAIKYUU CHARACTERS AS DADS, HEAD CANONS (More of the earlier stages of fatherhood, when they first experience it)

This is the first thing I've written on tumblr pls spare me...

Warnings: Indication of relationships and marriage and some angst (mentions of abortion) for a few characters (just put that there just in case) Enjoy lovelies <33

Also sorry for any typos or grammar errors. I'm too lazy to reread through it and check lol.

...

Hinata Shoyo:

He was quite surprised at the announcement of your pregnancy that he passed out

He was soooo excited none the less, being a father sounded pretty fun

He definitely started reading books to try to help him figure things out

He was a terrible diaper changer (like no fucking joke, I think he'd be scared to change another one), he'd seen you do it so many times but for some reason he could never avoid getting peed on

Would brag to everyone about how cute his little baby is, "My baby just got their first tooth, and they're learning how to crawl! They've also got the cutest little chubby cheeks."

If the baby looks like you he would literally talk about it all the time. "Beautiful, just like your mama."

He's had experience with babies because well... Natsu <3

He got the baby a matching jersey so you two could watch his games :)

Bokuto Kotaro:

After finding out you were pregnant he would tell EVERYBODY The two of you were walking together to get ramen and you guys walked into the restaurant and got seats. The waiter came to you two and asked what'd you like to drink. "Hey, guess what? My wife is pregnant! Isn't that amazing?! We're gonna have a baby!" You had to hide your face from embarrassment but the waiter just giggled, Bokuto is def a himbo, your himbo.

He enjoyed decorating the room for your baby

He would dead ass miss practice to go to your appointments for the baby

The first time he held your little bundle of joy he cried like a damn baby, he couldn't help it. It made him so happy that the two of you brought a life into the world.

He didn't let Kenma hold your child for awhile because he was scared he'd drop the baby :')

Very protective of your little one

He wanted the baby's first word to be "Volleyball" but it was "da da" which still made him very happy

Bo is very proud of the baby you two have created so I'm 100% sure he takes a bunch of himself with the baby to post on his social media

He was scared to change diapers but he soon got the hang of it

100% would get up in the middle of the night when the baby is crying, just to let you sleep. "The baby." You sigh loudly as you hear your little one cry over the baby monitor. "I'll go check on them. You get some rest." You turn your head to face him, "You sure?" He just smiled at you and kissed your temple. "100%"

Suna Rintaro: (ofwhuowghwoqrwq do i need to say anything else?)

He thought you were joking when you said you were pregnant (oops) "That's a good one." He turned his attention back to his phone. "Rin... I'm serious. Do you wanna see the ultrasound?"

A little more on the hesitant side. He didn't want to believe it, but you had the proof so like...

He was low key scared to fuck up, his father was not a very good father so he was scared to be the same way his father was.

He didn't even hold the baby for the first few months. "Rin, come on. You aren't your father. You have me to guide you through the process. Come hold our little one." He stalked up the stairs, "no."

After awhile you finally convinced him to have physical contact with the baby "The baby.. i-is smiling at me?" You giggle at him, "of course they're smiling at you. They love their daddy of course."

After he finally started being around the baby, you literally could not tear him away from that child.

Some days he'd take the baby to practice, to the grocery store, everywhere.

You had to pry the child from his arms most days. "Rin, give the baby here.." He looked at you like you just told him to give away his prized possession. "Hell no." You sighed. "Rin you have to go to work!" He shrugged his shoulders, "the baby can come with me, Komori enjoys taking pics of them during practice." Jeez.. this man truly is something.

Overall he was scared for nothing. He was a great father ;)

Somehow he convinced you to have another one... (weren't you the same one who didn't hold your baby for months?) he wanted to make up for the few firsts that he missed

Kozume Kenma: (oh Lord)

He asked "Are you sure it's mine?" (yeah... virtual slap rn)

He told you he wasn't ready and asked if you'd consider an abortion or adoption, it made you really sad but you realized Kenma wasn't ready

It really hurt him to hear you cry about giving up your child which made him wanna try for you

Did not know how to hold the baby for the life of him "Umm.. am I like- holding it right..?" You burst into laughter at the sight. "Ken, you gotta support their head." He looked down at his baby. "Oh..."

He decided that he needed to do research before he ventured further down the path of fatherhood.

Kenma was confused with diapers. "You... you want me to change its diaper?" You scoffed at him handing him a fresh diaper. "Our baby is not an 'it' Kenma!" He groaned as he took the diaper from you. "Why can't you change it?" You rolled your eyes as if it was obvious. "Because I won't always be there to do it myself, duh."

You were out with a friend one day which meant Kenma was on babysitting duty, he was tempted to call Kuro to come watch his child but he'd say something like, "Kenma, it's your responsibility as a father, blah blah blah.." So he and the baby just kind of sat there staring at each other. "What do you wanna do?" He asked the baby, knowing they can't talk. The baby proceeded to poke Kenma's cheek and yell out, "DA DA DA DA." Kenma thought it was cute and laughed softly. "Yep, that's me." The baby repeated saying 'da' for awhile until they tired themselves out. "You're a lot like me." That day it clicked, he finally understood what it was to be a father

He wasn't very affectionate but he tried to show his baby that he cared the best way he knew how

You saw the changes and it made you happy

You caught him cuddling the baby once, when you accused him of being affectionate he rolled his eyes half awake and said, "M'not being affectionate! Go awayyyy."

Doesn't want to admit to being soft for his baby :)

That's a wrap! If you want more characters lmk! I'd be happy to do a part two, this was fun for me :)

[gurugirl]

The Con Artist | Part 4*

Summary: You're still stuck at the motel but things are getting very spicy between you and the detective. Maybe some feelings pop up.

A/n: detective!harry x criminal!reader I don't know if I'd call this a filler chapter but it's mostly just smut - however, some important things come up that are vital to moving their story along, I just didn't realize before writing it that it would take so many words to do it (I had planned this chapter differently than it came out, which was originally going to combine parts of what's coming in the next chapter, but this is the result and I hope you guys like it, sorry for the stall). This is part 4 of a series. The Con Artist Masterlist

13.3k words

Warning: Smut, some spanking (what? she's been naughty), unprotected sex (oops), the very tiniest bit of angst, admissions of things

◈ ◈ ◈

Harry kept his arms around you and his face in your neck for a bit as his breathing slowed and your body began to settle. It felt intimate. But Harry was trying to think of what he should do now that he’d just had sex with you. It had never been a good idea but he couldn’t help himself. And now that he’d had you, he didn’t feel as much regret as he thought he would, even with his mind starting to clear of the fog of lust. With your hands gently rubbing over his back he felt content and happy. Sometimes post-nut clarity came in hard but this time, it just felt natural.

But you were still wondering what was coming. The sex had been great and Harry was something else. He had you confused but in any other circumstance, he’d be a man you’d want to keep around. Someone to pursue something with. But that wasn’t what this was. It had only been sex because he was on the job and you were the criminal in his custody.

When Harry finally pushed himself up he looked down at you under him with a smile, “Stay here.”

He was quick to run to the bathroom and bring back a washcloth. He’d removed his condom already you noted as he climbed back toward you on the bed, “Uh… do you want me to, or…?” Harry wasn’t sure you wanted him to clean you up. He was about to. He was going to do it for you, wipe you up because he wanted to keep looking at you but then he realized perhaps you didn’t want that. Maybe it was weird. Maybe you didn’t want him touching you after everything.

You sat up and took the damp cloth, “It’s fine. I’ll do it. Thanks, Harry,” you said as you slid off the bed with the washcloth and headed to the bathroom. You stood for a moment in silence looking at yourself in the mirror and it was awkward suddenly. It felt strange. He was so good in bed and then after he was so sweet and it was pretty much like anything you’d ever imagined as how you’d want sex to go down with any man. But now what? He was still the cop on the case supposedly. But wouldn’t this be a conflict of interest? You really didn’t know how it worked but your gut told you Harry wasn’t going by the book here (not even counting the fact that he’d just had his penis inside of you).

After you took care of yourself you went back into the room and Harry had his sweatpants on. He was standing by the window. You could see that he was feeling the awkwardness too. It made you sad a little. You wished that it wasn’t this way but sex made things awkward sometimes. Especially in this case. Especially when the man you just let fuck you was supposed to be holding you for crimes you’d committed.

You slid your shorts on and found your t-shirt and pulled it over your head. You noticed that Harry had been watching you but he turned away just before you could plant your eyes on him to verify with certainty.

You sat on the bed and looked at your nails. You painted them before you went to the Warwick and they still looked pretty good. A couple of small chips.

“So… are you hungry? You haven’t eaten anything today,” Harry finally spoke. You turned and he was standing on the opposite side of the bed looking at you. He still hadn’t put a shirt on and that was quite distracting. You’d just had two orgasms but the man was beautiful.

“Yeah. I am actually,” you gave him a small smile.

Harry nodded and looked around the room and you saw him duck down and pick up his t-shirt, finally covering his supple, broad, inked chest. You still hadn’t had the chance to suck on his nipples. Maybe give them a bite. You shook the thought from your head.

“All right. Then let’s walk up the road and see what we can find at that convenience store. Should be maybe a twenty-minute walk from here.”

It was a 45-minute walk.

And when you got there you realized the only kind of food available was packaged sweets and salty crackers and chips. Junk food. Which was better than nothing. You were quite hungry.

“Sorry, Y/n,” Harry spoke when he realized the food options were trash. You picked a few things you knew you could stomach and Harry did the same, grabbing everything from your arms that you picked up and dumping them onto the counter to buy.

Harry handed you a bag of gummy bears and he picked a bag of salty potato chips as you both trucked it on the road back to the motel with the plastic bag of the other junky foods in tow. There was no sidewalk so you walked through the gravel on the shoulder of the road the whole way but the gummy bears were tasty. Harry shared his chips with you and so you shared your gummy bears with him.

“My favorite is Haribo. These kind of suck,” Harry said as he lodged three in his mouth at once.

You laugh, “I agree actually. Haribo sort of has the corner on the gummy bear market. But have you ever tried the strawberry gummies? The ones shaped like a strawberry? They’re like this size,” you held your fingers up and demonstrated the size as you looked toward Harry.

He shook his head, “No. Haven’t. I love strawberries, though. Sounds good. Haven’t ever seen anything like that before,” Harry shoveled a handful of chips into his mouth and crunched them.

The sun was beginning to set in the sky as you neared the Arbuckle Inn. The pineapple gummy bear in your mouth was melting a little and you felt your nerves start to take over a bit. You didn’t know what to expect. But you liked that kind of. The thrill of not knowing how shit was going to go down made you feel alive. It’s why you liked what you did for a living. You never knew what you’d encounter. Nothing was dull in life and that’s how you liked it.

“Uh, how are you feeling?” Harry asked as your foot hit Arbuckle Inn’s parking lot.

He wasn’t sure where you were in your head. You seemed okay. He wanted you to be okay. He was stressed though because he had definitely blown everything. He had nothing. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to turn you in even if he did find evidence of your wrongdoings. His boss was onto him as well. She’d been calling all morning and Harry had been avoiding the calls.

“I’m better now that I’ve got something in my stomach,” you followed behind Harry as he unlocked the door to your room.

The air conditioner was rattling and working as hard as it could but you could tell it was on its last leg. The room was only slightly cooler than it was outside. But now that the sun was going down, things would cool down fast.

You and Harry laid out the junk food on the bed and snacked and watched some judge show. He told you how he came to live in the US and become a cop. His jurisdiction was in Los Angeles but he lived South of Long Beach. In your case, he was cross commissioned to work as lead detective on the case.

“So, the room at the Ritz was just for show. You didn’t really need a room,” you said. You were sitting on one side of the bed with your legs crossed facing toward Harry.

“Sort of. My house is a bit far from central LA so the hotel room was necessary to some degree. I could have driven back and forth every day but it would have been harder to keep my site on you that way,” Harry decided it didn’t matter what details he spilled to you anymore. He would be moved off the case. He was certain of it. Probably demoted. Moved to a different jurisdiction completely.

Harry’s phone began to buzz with an incoming call. You looked toward it and the name on the screen Rebecca V piqued your interest. Harry clicked the dismiss button and then flipped the phone screen to face down. He continued to snack and act like the call hadn’t happened. You didn’t ask him about it because it wasn’t your business.

You and Harry cleared the bed of the snacks and put them away into the plastic bag you got from the store. Conversation was limited once you both had your bellies full of junk. You wanted to ask him a million questions but you didn’t know where to start or how to bring them up. Did you just straight up ask him what was going on again? Would he be forthright with you this time? Would he still attempt to get a confession from you?

When you stepped out of the bathroom after brushing your teeth, Harry was taking the pillows from his side of the bed and putting them on the floor.

“What are you doing?” You leaned over to see blankets and a pillow on the floor. He was clearly making himself a pallet to sleep.

“I figured I’d sleep on the floor to give you some space…” Harry looked up at you from his spot on the floor where he was kneeling, “… didn’t want it to be weird or anything, or make you feel uncomfortable.”

For some reason, this pissed you off. You’d just had his penis in your mouth and in your vagina and now he was trying to make you feel comfortable by not sleeping next to you? You understood it was just sex, sure. But you sort of hoped he’d want to do it again. And this just felt like an excuse on his part. You were probably overthinking it but it hurt your feelings a little.

“Don’t pretend you’re trying to make me feel comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable just say it. You’re not looking for anything more, I get it, Harry. But god…” you turned away and walked back toward your side of the room where your bag was to put your toothbrush away.

“Hey,” Harry stood up and faced you from his side of the room, “I’m just trying to be nice here. Didn’t think you’d want me next to you in the bed.”

You sighed and rolled your eyes before turning around to look at Harry, “Don’t put this on me. I didn’t ask you to sleep on the floor. We just had sex, Harry. The fact that you don’t want to sleep next to me on the bed is a bit of an insult along with your cop-out of an excuse. It’s fine to sleep on the floor if that’s what you want but don’t act like it’s for my benefit.”

Harry was confused. He really was trying to be respectful of you and he hadn’t realized this would get you upset. He scratched the back of his neck and shook his head in puzzlement.

Then his phone rang again. Harry lifted it up and looked to see it was his boss, Rebecca, again. He hit the dismiss button and sat the phone back down and sighed.

“Rebecca again?” You looked at Harry as you sat down on the bed with your arms crossed. He probably had a girlfriend or something.

Harry laughed and shook his head as he lifted a bottle of water to his lips. He didn’t want to answer that. He didn’t have a girlfriend but he wasn’t ready to admit that his boss was on to him and that what he was doing was all for nothing. He knew he needed to. He should tell you that you were free to go. He wasn’t sure why he was even keeping you anymore.

Instead of answering your question, Harry continued to make his floor pallet and you were fuming.

“So that’s why you want to sleep on the floor. You feel bad for cheating on your girlfriend with me. Is that it? Typical,” you huffed as you moved the blankets over your legs and stretched. The whole thing hurt your feelings but you weren’t surprised. Now you were back to being angry at him and just wanted this day to be over.

You settled into the bed and laid your head on your pillow and faced away from Harry.

Harry didn’t want you mad at him. But it didn’t matter. It was probably better this way. But why was it better? It wasn’t like he had anything to go on and what he was doing was insane. Holding you and hoping for some break in the case? The moment he told his boss about what happened and explained everything he knew he’d be removed from the case. Then he might not see you again. Perhaps that was where his hesitance lay. The thought that after this, that would be it. He wouldn’t see you again. His inner turmoil was heavy. He didn’t know what he wanted. In another world, he’d be all over you and try to get on your good side. He’d want to see you as often as you’d let him and he’d take you out and get to know more of you and then maybe even start something serious with you. But in this world, he was a cop and you were a criminal.

Harry walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. The flickering light was annoying and he felt exhausted. He really hadn’t had the best sleep the night before, if any. And then of course he was more confused than he’d ever been. About you. About the case. You were still lying on your side on the bed when he came out of the bathroom and he looked over your face smushed into the pillow. You weren’t sleeping but your eyes were closed.

Harry lifted his phone up and saw all the missed calls from Rebecca and he didn’t know if he should just get it over with. Call her back and tell her everything. Maybe tomorrow. He looked over at you again, “I don’t have a girlfriend, Y/n.”

You opened your eyes and stayed silent. You imagined that if Rebecca wasn’t his girlfriend then she was probably some chick he hooked up with who had his number or something. There was just no way Harry wasn’t getting it regularly. Or maybe she was his friend? You knew his sister’s name because he’d told you.

You heard Harry sigh and then felt the bed dip when he sat down but you didn’t bother to move to look at him or rollover.

“I wouldn’t have done anything if I had a girlfriend. I just… Look, sleeping on the floor was just meant to be polite, nothing else. I didn’t want to cross any more boundaries than I’ve already crossed with you,” Harry paused, and when you still didn’t move to look at him he put his hand on your arm to get your attention. You didn’t move when you felt him touch you.

“Would you look at me? Come on. I’m trying to be a nice guy here, Y/n.”

That got you to laugh. How ridiculous was he? A nice guy. Harry’d been nice, sure, but most of all he was confusing and infuriating.

You finally rolled to your back and turned your head toward him. Harry removed his hand from your arm.

“It feels very much like a power play, Harry. You fuck me but you don’t want to sleep next to me. At least having a girlfriend would explain it, but you say you don’t have a girlfriend. So then we’re back to it being a bit of an insult. So, it’s not actually a nice thing. If you don’t want to be next to me even after we had sex, that’s fine. But don’t pretend it’s not insulting to me,” you sit up so you can see his face better.

Harry frowned and looked down to his lap, “Sorry. I didn’t know,” he looked back up at you, “Did you want me to sleep next to you?”

You laughed again and rubbed your hands over your face and then ran your fingers through your hair in frustration, “Ya know what, Harry? Don’t worry about it. Just do what think is good for you. You’re taking me to jail anyway, right? So you sleeping next to me just complicates things. Now that you’ve had sex with me that’s all you need. I’m good with that if you are.”

You began to lay back down but Harry grabbed your arm, “Don’t do that. We were getting along finally. Don’t get all pissy. I’m trying to talk about this. Do you want me to sleep here next to you? Is that what you were expecting?”

You let out a laugh in disbelief as you shook your head. This man was crazy if he thought he was going to get you to spill your inner thoughts.

You didn’t answer as you tried to pull your arm away from him but Harry leaned in and tightened his hand around your arm, “Why are you so difficult? You’re like a child sometimes, Y/n.”

You dropped your mouth open in shock at his words. A child?

“Fuck you, Harry. You’re just really good at making a girl feel like shit. That’s all. Let me go,” you pulled your arm and Harry released you but he stayed in his spot, his face in a frown, brows scrunched.

“No. Fuck you. I’m tired of your mouth, you know that? I try to be nice and do the right thing but you give me these cryptic questions and answers. It’s bullshit. If you want something all you have to do is say it.”

You leaned your head back to the headboard and looked upward with a grin, “Oh, you’re tired of my mouth? Really? You seemed to like my mouth not that long ago and I think that’s where the problem lies,” you turned to look at him, “You feel like sex is okay but when it comes to sleeping next to me, that’s where you draw the line? What’s going on here, Harry? Really. Tell me the truth.”

Harry pulled his lips into his mouth and squinted as he looked at you. He wasn’t going to tell you just yet. But he did understand your upset a little better now.

“Okay. I see… so you felt used? Is that it? Look, Y/n… I don’t know what you want from this. I’m a cop,”

You scoffed and cut him off, “And I’m the criminal. I fucking know, Harry. You’re sure to remind me every fucking chance you get. So what’s the difference? You fuck me and somehow your morals kick in when it comes time to sleep? Were you planning to cuff me to the bed too so I don’t run away?”

Harry turned his head to look at the wall and shake his head before looking back at you, “What the fuck do you want, Y/n? Tell me.”

“I want you to tell me what’s going on. Is any of this allowed? Start there,” you raised your brows at him and cocked your head to the side.

Harry cleared his throat and his phone started to buzz again. You both looked over at the phone lit up on the night table and then back at one another. You kept your brows raised at him.

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head. He was in such deep shit.

“Is it Rebecca? Who is she? And I’m not asking because I’m jealous before your ego starts getting any ideas.”

Harry opened his eyes and looked at you. You were sitting upright now with your arms crossed over your chest and your thigh and knee were poking out from under the blanket. You saw how Harry moved his eyes down to your leg and over your frame.

“She’s… look, I’m trying to figure everything out here. Okay? I just need time to think,” Harry stood from the bed and you watched him turn his phone off completely. He was flustered. He walked to the window and pulled the curtain back a bit and looked out and then turned back to you. He clicked the lamp off and pulled his t-shirt off over his head and draped it on the back of the chair.

“Nuh uh…” you pointed at him and stood from the bed, putting your feet on the carpet floor, “Nope. You put your clothes back on. You can’t just fucking walk around here with your shirt off. That’s not fair.”

Harry scoffed and got down onto his knees on the pallet he made, ignoring you. You put your hands on your hips and walked to the end of the bed and watched him.

“Put your shirt on Harry or my clothes are all coming off because I normally sleep naked. So if you get to be comfortable while you sleep, then so do I,” you didn’t move from your spot as you watched Harry ignore you and pull the sheet over his body. So you put your fingers into the band of your shorts and began pulling them down your legs.

Harry wasn’t going to look. He thought you were bluffing at first but then when he saw you moving from his peripheral he realized you weren’t bluffing. You’d slid your shorts down your legs and he knew you didn’t have panties on because he watched you put your shorts on earlier after you two had sex.

Harry huffed out a laugh and sat up, “Fine. I usually sleep naked too,” he pulled his sweatpants down his legs and acted as if he wasn’t bothered in the least by your bare legs and the fact that you only had a t-shirt on with nothing under it. But he was bothered. His thoughts were racing. He felt his heart rate pick up and he tried to ignore how his cock started to plump, but he covered himself in time. Still not looking at you.

“Okay. Have it your way,” you said as you pulled your t-shirt off over your head and walked right in front of him, dropping the material on the floor. He wasn’t looking at you, and you knew it was on purpose. You knew if he looked it’d be game over for him. You were holding all the cards and he thought he could call your bluff but you weren’t shy and plus he’d seen you naked already. You kind of hoped he’d look at you and eat his words and you’d just saunter off to the bed and fall asleep happily.

You grabbed your water bottle off the nightstand right behind Harry and leaned over, purposely keeping yourself in his view. You uncapped the top of the bottle and took a drink and then sat it back down on the table and turned to walk toward the bed.

Harry couldn’t help himself. He watched you walk off and saw the curve of your bottom and then closed his eyes. You were baiting him. He laid back on his pallet and looked up at the ceiling. His cock was slowly thickening under the blanket and he was trying to will it away. Deep breaths Harry he said to himself.

But you were fine. You hummed and climbed into the sheets and pulled the blankets up over yourself and smiled. You knew what you were doing, and even if nothing came from it you still found it amusing. Harry didn’t seem to care but he was a man. You knew he was bothered by it because he wouldn’t even look in your direction.

“So much better now that I’m all bare under the sheets. Thanks for the idea, Harry,” you spoke as you stretched and rolled to face toward the direction where Harry was lying, even though you couldn’t see him on his pallet.

He grunted and you could hear him shift on his pallet. Harry was just trying to keep himself in line. His cock had a mind of its own at that moment. He pressed himself down and sighed as he closed his eyes. He’d just try to sleep and get through the night.

But after moments of silence, he heard you getting up. The bed squeaked when you got off it and he slowly lifted his head to see what you were doing. He hadn’t cuffed you to the bed this time. He figured you weren’t going to run, but he was also sleeping on the side close to the door so he’d see you if you tried to escape.

Suddenly you were walking around the bed and grabbing your bottle of water. You stood a foot from him and took a drink and then recapped it before placing it back on the table.

“Why don’t you bring it with you and put it on the nightstand? So you don’t need to keep getting up,” Harry spoke to you.

You smiled and began to walk away again but stopped so he could still see you, “Because it’s more fun this way.”

Harry sat up and even in the dark he could see your shape. Your breasts were pretty and round, your hips were perfect for grabbing and squeezing, and your bottom was soft. He wanted to touch you again.

But you wanted him to touch you. You were asking for it, practically. You wanted him in the bed with you at the very least. You couldn’t really make out his frame because he was in the shadow next to the bed but you could tell he was looking at you now. He was sitting up. His broad shoulders and the shape of his head were in the shadow but he was still handsome.

“What? Do I have something on my back?” You said in jest as you turned your bottom toward him and looked behind yourself and then back to Harry.

Harry let out a deep breath and moved up to his knees, but he held his blanket over his crotch you noted, which made you smile. You turned back to face him again, “Got something you need to hide there?” You teased.

Harry was at his wit's end. He knew what you were doing and he was going to go with it now. He had no reason not to anymore. Damn protocol. When you saw his large hand reach up and grab your thigh, he pulled you toward himself. As you were standing directly in front of him you smiled and felt your limbs zip with excitement. He was giving in.

He took a hold of your hips and stood up, his blanket falling to the floor and revealing what he tried to hide. He was hard. You’d gotten a rise out of him. Literally.

But in less than a second your back hit the bed and Harry was over you with his mouth at yours again. And just like the time before, the kiss had you on another planet. You grasped onto his back and opened your legs quickly for him to settle in between.

Harry brought a hand to your thigh and moved your leg to wrap around his waist and you moved your other leg up to match, so you had both your legs hooked at the ankle around his hips.

Harry’s heavy dick was lying over your stomach, warm and stiff. This was what you wanted. To have him again. To feel it again.

But Harry wanted it too. It wasn’t like he’d been talked into this or you made him cave. He wanted you under him, on him, around him.

Harry put his hands under your head as he slotted your lips together and breathed heavily from his nose. You felt so good in his arms. He liked this a lot. Too much.

You suddenly pushed at Harry and he gasped when he parted his lips from yours, “What is it?”

You sat up, and Harry moved back, keeping his hands on your thighs. You pushed him and made him lie on his back and you crawled over him, placing your pussy on his cock, your lips spreading for him as you slid up his shaft, “See how wet you make me, Harry? It needs to be taken care of,” you whispered before leaning down to kiss him. You kept your pussy on his prick, slipping yourself over him as he put his hands on your bottom and guided you up and down. His breathing was heavy, and the small moans falling from his lips made you smile.

“That’s why you wanted me on the bed with you,” Harry spoke against your lips, “you wanted my cock again. Isn’t that right?”

You moaned and nodded as you licked into his mouth, “Yes, Harry. Who cares? Right? It’s too late anyway. We’ve already fucked. Let’s do it again,” you spoke in breaths between kisses.

You weren’t really one to beg. And that wasn’t actually you begging. But you were horny and Harry was really good in bed. And you wanted his prick inside of you again, stretching you, poking deep into your tummy, slicking itself through your walls, and dragging against all the good spots inside that no other cock had ever touched.

Harry groaned and squeezed your bottom harshly, “Okay. You win. Fuck I want you,” Harry pulled you down to his mouth so he could kiss you again. You were both far too gone at this point. The sex was good and that’s all there was to it.

“Where are your condoms?” You sat up over him and smoothed your hands over his pecs and then dipped down and finally wrapped your lips around a nipple. You licked and sucked at it. He smelled good too and you could feel his heart pounding under your mouth. Harry moaned and rocked his hips upward, “In the nightstand,” he put an arm out and his knuckle hit the wood nightstand. You lifted up and crawled over him to open the drawer and felt for the box to pull it out.

Harry pulled you down over his mouth, his lips connecting to your tummy as you pulled a condom out of the box and then pushed away from his mouth, lowering yourself back down to put the condom over him.

Harry sat up and watched as you removed the rubber from the packaging and placed it over his tip. You slowly rolled it down over him and smiled, “Your cock is really pretty, Harry.”

Harry chuckled and grabbed your hips to bring you up to him, “Then put that pretty pussy on my pretty cock, Y/n. Stop playing.”

So you did. You placed him at your entrance and as you slid down over him you both moaned. Perfection.

You moved up and down over him slowly. This position made him feel so much deeper and you sucked in a sharp breath when the bottom of your thighs were sat over his fully, his cock deep in your guts. You closed your eyes and put your hands back to hold onto the top of his thighs and began moving him in and out. Harry gasped at the tightness and he held onto the bottom of your thighs as you fucked yourself on him.

“So deep like this, Harry. Oh my god…” you bit your lip and kept your hips moving up and down. The slick sounds were already obvious in the room. You’d been wet for a bit. Soaked in fact.

“Fuck…” Harry had his head on the pillow under him and dropped his mouth open. You felt so good. God was he glad you were not shy and that you were so forward.

You got into a rhythm, slipping up and down his long shaft. You worked your thighs to lift yourself and give Harry a bit of a view so he could watch his cock spreading you apart. He definitely liked what you were doing.

He moved the pillow under his neck so he could watch with more ease. He moved his hands back to underneath your thighs, “So fucking pretty on my cock like that, Y/n,” he groaned.

You licked your lips and smiled, “It is pretty isn’t it? Feels so good too,” you panted.

Your thighs began to get a little tired so you sat forward and brought your hands to his chest, knees down on the mattress to grind down over him. You moved yourself over his cock, your clit dragging over his pubic bone and you moaned. Harry reached up to squeeze your tits and he bent his knees slightly, his feet flat on the mattress and began rutting up into you slowly.

The new position was easier for you and it allowed Harry to fuck into you as well. When he started to rock upward the bed started to creak under his shifting weight. You braced yourself over him, your hands at his chest as he picked up the pace.

“Ugh!” You were knocked upward a bit when he went harder and his balls began to smack into your bottom on each thrust into you, “Fuck, Harry!”

The thudding of skin and the wet plunge of his cock into you was Harry’s favorite sound. It had been too long since he’d had regular sex. Your little gasps and whines were also egging him on. He could tell you liked what he was doing so he went harder and you closed your eyes, mouth dropped open.

From this angle, Harry had the best view of your tits softly bouncing and your neck stretched out and mouth open. Your whimpers and the way you were squeezing around him were good signs.

“Like that, Y/n? Like it when I fuck into you deep?” Harry’s hands were on your ass, guiding you up and down on his cock as he continued plunging into you from his position below.

“Uh huh…” you whined and nodded. You opened your eyes and looked down at him. You could fuck this man all day and all night. He was so hot and he was really good with his cock and his mouth. God, it was too good.

Your loud moans and gasps of Harry’s name were met with Harry’s own moans. You liked a man who was a little vocal. Harry didn’t give you too much but when he did, it sent your heart fluttering. You loved that your pussy was making him feel good the way his dick was making you feel good.

With the way your clit was being rubbed against on his pubes and Harry’s cock lodged deep in your guts you came suddenly. You whined Harry’s name and clenched over his cock. Harry gritted his teeth when he felt your little muscle squeezing him and he gasped when he came. He stilled his hips and grasped your ass, holding you down over him as he emptied into his condom and you panted in high-pitched breaths.

You had already been on edge before Harry even fucked you. You’d wanted him since you got back to the motel room with the snacks. And then after all the conversation and the subtle flirting, the looks he was giving you, then the teasing and the argument that led to where you were now… it was no wonder you’d come so fast.

You smoothed your hands over his pecs (really your favorite spot to put your palms) and Harry moved his hands from your bottom to your waist and pulled you down over him. He wrapped his arms around you and you put your cheek at his clavicle. With your eyes closed you moved your hands up into his hair and Harry kissed the top of your head, his hands brushing over your back.

“I’ll sleep in the bed with you tonight since you insisted,” Harry joked with a laugh.

You smiled and laughed and turned your head down and lightly bit at his skin, “Nah… you should sleep on the floor. I’ve gotten what I wanted from you, detective,” you chuckled and then you felt Harry’s hand land over your bottom and you jumped, pushing yourself up to look at him in shock.

“Did you just spank me?” You had a big grin on your face but so did Harry.

He raised a brow and brought his palm down on your soft, round bottom again with a smack, a little harder this time, and laughed, “OH. Was that what that was? Like this?” He did again and you laughed and tried to push off of him but his free arm wrapped tighter around your middle and held you securely in place.

“You’re a menace, Harry!” You giggled when you felt his fingers pinch your skin where the curve of your bottom met the back of your thigh. You smacked his chest and he laughed, a deep vibration coming from his chest and it felt like you’d known him forever. Like it should feel when you’re in bed with someone you’ve just had sex with.

“A menace?” Harry’s eyes were droopy as he smiled and shook his head, “No. I don’t think so. You deserve a good spanking I think. I bet you don’t get spanked often enough. It’s why you’re so mouthy.”

You both laughed and you wiggled to move off of him again but he continued to hold you still, “Don’t go. Just stay like this with me.” Harry squeezed you tighter.

You relented with a huff (a fake one because you were actually quite pleased that he didn’t want you to move) and laid your head back down on his chest, your fingernails lightly scraping over the hair on his chest.

Harry let out a deep hum, vibrating against your ear and you smiled. A sudden feeling of giddiness fell over you. It felt good like this. With Harry. You still didn’t know what tomorrow held but you knew that at that moment in his arms something had shifted. And when he kissed the top of your head again you felt your heart flutter in your chest. You turned your head and kissed the skin on his pec and then smushed your cheek back into his chest again and you could feel Harry’s heart pounding in his chest. You both felt it. The beginning of something.

◈ ◈ ◈

You woke up to Harry moving the slightest bit under you. You woke up still on top of him, just like you’d fallen asleep, but you could tell his penis was no longer inside of you. You lifted your head and looked up at his sleepy face and saw the light coming in from the sides of the window. It was morning.

“Morning,” Harry’s groggy morning voice was even sexy. His hair was a mess and his body was so warm and comfortable. You couldn’t believe you’d fallen asleep on top of him and stayed that way all night. You looked over at the clock on the nightstand.

“It’s 8:40. Should we call that place where your car is?” You looked down at Harry.

He took a deep breath, which made his chest expand. You put your hands on his pecs and smiled down at him. Harry moved his hands down to your bottom, gently brushing over it, and pulled you up a little so that your face was directly over his.

“They don’t open until 10,” his smile was a little cheeky as he squeezed at your bottom, and when you shifted you felt it. His hardon.

You squinted down at him and laughed, “See? You’re a menace,” you smiled.

Harry hummed and nodded, “Guess I am. What about you? Are you feeling like a menace too?” He licked his lips and there was nothing more to say so you lowered your mouth to his and softly kissed his lips.

The kiss was lazy and soft and a little sloppy. A perfect morning kiss but it wasn’t just any morning kiss. It led to you grinding over Harry’s cock and Harry slipping a new condom on and then fucking you tummy down into the bed. He slid his hand in between you and the mattress and rubbed your clit as he plunged into you from behind. Another record breaker. You came on his cock and he released into his condom in less than fifteen minutes total. Then he kissed your back and down your spine until he sat back and spanked your bottom a couple of times for good measure making you both laugh.

You took a much-needed shower that Harry interrupted. The man was either deprived or an addict because when he pulled the grimy shower curtain back and stepped in while you had soap in your hair he was already thick and hard between his legs. You lowered to your knees to suck him off. He wanted to fuck you again but he didn’t bring a condom into the shower with himself and you knew how difficult shower sex was. And the wall of the tub was not anything you wanted to touch.

Harry placed a palm on the wall while you gagged and worked your hardest on him but he kept pulling you off and saying sweet shit like, “Take it easy. No need to choke on it. You don’t have to prove anything to me.” Which is the kind of shit that makes a girl fall in love. The last guy you slept with wanted you to choke on it. Wanted you to gag and take him down your throat and so for Harry with his big dick and pretty eyes looking at you all soft, well, that made you want to choke on his cock, and maybe that’s why he said those things. Reverse psychology and all. So you went all in and Harry was moaning and gasping and begging you even. He was begging you.

“Oh, my god. Yes, please, baby. Fuck… please… please…” you smiled as you choked him down your throat. He was no longer trying to pull you off as his cock began throbbing and you tasted a steady drip of his pre-come. You couldn’t put him all in but you could get his tip to graze the back of his throat (which wasn’t hard because Harry’s cock was long). You felt Harry’s hand in your hair but he never pushed you down over him, which again, was sweet and romantic (it was rare that a man didn’t try to push you down on him once his hand was in your hair during head). Harry’s knees started to bend slightly and he put more weight onto his palm where he leaned against the shower wall.

“Fuck… like that, Y/n… oh my god…” Harry’s words were deep groans and he tried to keep his eyes on you as swallowed around him but every time you gulped around his tip when it hit the back of your throat Harry got a little weaker and his legs were fighting to keep him upright, “Holy shit… please don’t stop. Fuck, fuck, fuck…” he moaned as he threw his head back.

You had your hands on his muscular thighs to keep yourself steady as the water coming down from the showerhead was slippery under your knees. When you chanced to move a hand to his heavy balls, full of his come, you spread your thighs to maintain your balance. You watched his chest heave as you gently massaged his scrotum and whirled your tongue over his tip as you caught your breath before taking him down your throat again, gagging and choking.

And that did it. When Harry felt your small hands brushing and gently squeezing his balls and the way your throat gripped his bulbous head when you gagged he came with a deep, loud groan and quivering thighs. You drank him down and kept your eyes upward on him and the way he looked down at you as his cock pumped ropes of his come down your throat, it felt a lot sweeter than a blowjob should feel. Your reward was him lifting you up and kissing you so hard and so deeply that it felt like a dream. This man couldn’t be real. How could he be taking you to jail and kissing you like this too?

And those thoughts were already in Harry’s mind the moment he woke up with you in his arms. How was he going to give you up to the police and let them lock you away? How was he going to not keep you now that he’s had you? Really had you. He needed to find a way to keep you out of trouble and himself. He just didn’t know what he was going to do because he hadn’t really had any time to think. But he was sure he wouldn’t be able to just release you from his custody either. What if you didn’t want to stay? He’d be heartbroken. Well, maybe not heartbroken but he’d be hurt if you didn’t want to stay. But he couldn’t make you stay with him if you didn’t want to.

So he did what any man would do who wanted to make sure the girl was happy, he carried you to the bed and ate you out until you came on his face and gushed over his chin. He liked having his face in between your legs. Liked you noises and the way you wiggled. He really liked you in general. And he did not expect to like you as much as he did.

After you’d finally put some clothes on Harry turned his phone on. He sat down on the bed with his back to you and that’s when you remembered. Rebecca. You watched his body language from where you stood as you put your hair into a ponytail. You heard him sigh. He stared down at the phone in his hand silently.   

You hesitated to ask but you were not one to hold back normally. Sometimes you spoke when you shouldn’t. Sometimes you put your foot into your mouth. Many times you didn’t think before you said something, “Did she call again?”

Harry’s back stiffened and he put the phone down on the bed. You saw him take in a deep breath and he turned, putting his knee up onto the bed, and looked at you standing on the opposite side.

“Rebecca is my boss. Yes. She called again. She’s not happy.”

His boss. Huh. Now you felt a number of things. The first was relief that it wasn’t some hookup or a girlfriend. Secondly, you felt a little bad for asking since it wasn’t a girlfriend or someone he might be interested in. You were also curious. What could his boss want? Should you ask? Was he in trouble? He was in trouble. The look on his face told you almost everything you wanted to know.

“You’re in trouble,” you said as you sat down on the bed.

Harry pulled his lips into his mouth and nodded, “Yup.”

You decided that was enough to know for now. Unless he decided to share more with you willingly. But you’d take that little bit until he was ready for more. But that didn’t mean you weren’t very curious. You had your theories.

Harry knew that by turning on his phone he’d see all the missed calls and messages from Rebecca. He was in deep shit. He just needed to get his thoughts together. But first, he needed to call the shop and figure out what was going on with his car.

The man at the shop did not have news Harry wanted to hear. A part needed to be ordered and it was coming from a different city so the man couldn’t have the car done until the following afternoon. The good news was that he didn’t need payment upfront. Harry assumed he’d need to get a taxi to the shop, pay the man and then come back to the motel again. So that was the one bright thing in his day. And you too.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and watched you as you dug through your suitcase. You were pulling things out and folding clothes sitting on the floor. He sat down next to you, cross-legged and you turned to look at him, “What?”

Harry shrugged, “Just thought I’d join you down here. I was thinking of asking the person at the office if there was any place nearby to eat. Like real food. Maybe we can get a taxi or walk if it’s close enough. What do you think?”

You closed your suitcase and kept your eyes on Harry’s. His eyes were so beautiful. Not like any others you’d seen. Otherworldly almost. Light olive with whispers of blue and gold. And then the outer edges of his iris were a deeper shade of green as if to outline the fact that he was more beautiful than anyone else. Like he needed an outline in a darker green so you’d really pay attention to his gaze. Impossible to avert your eyes. And then that was all defined by his dark lashes to really draw you in.

“Uh…” you had to reign in your thoughts when you realized you’d been staring too long, “that actually sounds good. I’m hungry.”

Harry was smirking at you. He noticed your lingering look. He knew he was pretty and it pleased him that you noticed it too.

The closest restaurant was a diner but you’d need to take a taxi because it was a twenty-minute drive away. Harry called a taxi and to your shock, the same man that dropped you off the day before was there to pick you up. Bob. He was friendly and talkative, just like last time. But this time Harry sat in the back with you. He put an arm behind your back and pulled you into his side. You felt like you were in high school again. It was like basic touch had you spinning. Had you been that touch-starved? Maybe. But you really liked being tucked into his side and the way Harry kept his arm over your shoulder and softly brushed his thumb on your arm. Everything he did was a turn on and now you were reminded of his big prick and his big mouth and the bed waiting for you when you got back to the motel.

The diner was in a small town. The town was so small it consisted of one road with a grocery store, a gas station, a public building that might have been a library at one time but was now boarded up, a few houses, a bar, and the Belladonna Diner. Such a fancy name for a small-town diner.

Bob promised to be back in about an hour and you Harry settled into a booth to get something hot to eat. He showed you pictures of his sister and her kids. And then his mom. And then he gave you your phone, “You can have your phone. Shouldn’t have taken it from you in the first place,” he said as he slid it across the table to you.

You looked at him in question as you picked it up. You had a lot of missed calls and texts. Mostly from Raechel. You looked from your phone screen back up to Harry, “Thank you. Uh,” you lifted your phone up and showed Harry, “I’m just gonna text Raechel and let her know I’m okay.”

Harry was nervous to give you your phone but he had no reason to hold it. He had no reason to hold you. He needed to come clean to you about what was going on. About how you were free to go. How he’d drop the case and even tell his boss that he found nothing on you. He knew it was you. You still hadn’t admitted it to him but he knew it.

You quickly typed a text to Raechel and told her you were fine and that you’d call her later when you had a chance. You wanted to talk to her in private but you weren’t sure yet what you could tell her.

Your food was laid down on the table and you and Harry began to eat in silence. Having your phone back was nice but you didn’t know what it meant.

“Why? I mean…” you swallowed your bite, “why give me my phone back? Will you tell me what’s going to happen?” You just wanted answers. You wanted to understand what you could expect tomorrow.

Harry rolled his neck and looked out the window before sipping his coffee and placing it back on the table, “You’re free to go. I don’t have any reason to hold you. When my car gets fixed I can take you back to your mother’s. I’m sorry about everything,” Harry didn’t look you in the eyes when he spoke.

But you didn’t like his answer for some reason. Maybe yesterday before getting to the motel you would have been happy to hear the words you’re free to go. But now? You didn’t know if you liked that or not. It didn’t help you settle in your mind your feelings or straighten out what was to come next.

“So, you’re not taking me to jail?” You raised your brows and sat back in the seat as you watched Harry push his food around on his plate.

“No. I’ll tell my boss you’re not the one we’re looking for. I’m going to be removed from the case. I’ve ruined my hard work,” you saw his throat bob when he swallowed. He looked disappointed. Upset.

“Thank you,” your voice came out softer than you intended.

“I think I just wanted to see if I could get a confession but now,” Harry shook his head and clenched his jaw, still not looking at you, “I don’t want it. I don’t want you to go to prison,” he finally looked up at you, “I guess I just wanted you around. Didn’t want to let you go even after I knew it was no good and I’d get into trouble,” he licked his lips and looked back down.

You didn’t know what to say. You looked back down at your phone when Raechel texted you back but you were too focused on the man before you to lift the phone to read her reply.

“What about you? What will you do? You said you were in trouble. Would you be like… fired or something?” You were concerned.

Harry shook his head and sighed, “No. Maybe moved to a different case, suspended perhaps, I don’t know. I don’t think I’d be fired. Not for this. It was a fuck up but not something to lose my job over.”

You nodded, “Well… what about…” you frowned and looked down to build a bit of courage to say what you wanted, “us. What about us?”

Harry lifted his head up to look at you and scrunched his brows together, “What do you mean?”

You blinked and opened your mouth to speak but paused. How would you say it? The things you were feeling and what you really wanted. You didn’t want this to be over suddenly. You liked Harry. Was this it? You bit your lip and looked down to your lap and then took a deep breath, “I like you,” you brought your gaze back up to his, “I know this isn’t conventional but, I kind of hoped…” you shook your head and looked out the window. You didn’t know what you hoped. You didn’t know what you even wanted.

“You like me?” Harry said in a voice barely above a whisper and you turned to look at him, his grin was soft, genuine.

You laughed and nodded, “I mean… yeah. Thought you kind of liked me too,” you shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile.

Harry leaned back into his seat and his grin widened, dimples carving into his cheeks. You felt his foot nudge yours and you saw the cheeky sparkle in his eyes, that look again, the one that said he knew something you didn’t.

“What makes you think I like you?” His question was goading. He couldn’t stop his grin from taking over his features. He knew it was at least somewhat obvious to you by now the way he felt about you.

You squinted at him and pushed his foot away from yours and crossed your arms, “Oh, I don’t know. Let’s see… maybe it’s the way you can’t keep your hands to yourself around me,” you raised your brows at him, “the way you saved me from Oregano,” you both laughed, “how you begged me this morning in the shower…” you grinned and Harry’s eyes widened.

“Did not beg you. I don’t beg. You were the one on your knees with my,” he looked around the mostly empty diner and leaned in, both of his feet encasing yours now, holding your legs in place, “dick down your throat,” he chuckled and his grin turned into something more scandalous, his eyes getting a little darker.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes and put your middle finger up to his face, “You did beg. Multiple times. And then you spread me out on the bed and thanked me with your mouth on my kitty.” You smiled and Harry grabbed your middle finger and pulled your hand to his mouth, nipping the tip of your pad between his teeth before letting go, “Be careful giving me the finger like that young lady.”

You rolled your eyes again and Harry tilted his head down, keeping his eyes on you with a look of warning.

“Why? You worried I’ll stick it in your bum hole?” You sputtered out a laugh and Harry slid out of his spot in the booth and plopped down next to you, caging you in with his legs and his arms as he leaned close.

“No. There’s nothing you could do to me that I wouldn’t like. But that attitude is gonna get you in a lot of trouble,” his nearness was overwhelming, in the best way. He didn’t back down easily but neither did you. You liked the back-and-forth with him. The banter, the flirting, the fake annoyance, the combative arguments that got heated and turned to you being unable to resist him anymore.

“So you do want it up your bum hole. I can make that happen for you, Harry,” you spoke quietly and licked your lips.

Harry’s eyes were dark and when you slid your hand over his crotch you realized he was just as turned on as you were. You squeezed and Harry let out a quick puff of breath, parting his lips.

“See? This is just one of the many reasons I can tell you like me,” you pressed your palm down and Harry leaned down further toward your face, and suddenly his mouth was on yours.

You wrapped your hands around his back and brought them up to the back of his head and he pulled you into his body and it got hot a little too fast. You were in public and making out in a booth in a small-town diner. There weren’t many people in the diner but still. Your panties were wet and Harry’s prick was hard. You hadn’t had enough of him and you decided you didn’t want it to be over yet.

Harry kissed you hard and his shaky breath between kisses told you how turned on he was. He was more than turned on, though. He was relieved that you said you liked him. That you seemed to want more like he did. He didn’t think it was a good idea, but good ideas be damned at this point. He was already in too deep and why deny himself now? Why stop what he’d started when you didn’t seem to want it to stop either?

Harry laid cash down on the table and you both went outside for privacy. On the side of the building in view of the road so you could see Bob coming Harry had you against the brick and slid his hands under your shirt and cupped your breasts as he continued kissing you like you were the last woman on earth. You had your hands in the back of his shirt, smoothing your palms over his skin, your bodies pressed together hard when you heard the honking of a horn.

You both parted from the kiss with gasps and pink cheeks and turned to see Bob parked in the road at the curb waving at you both.

The ride back to the motel was mostly a series of small kisses and touches and attempts to keep it cool as Bob chatted and filled the silence, only making it more awkward when you’d catch him looking in the rearview mirror.

Harry practically dragged you into your room and slammed the door closed the moment you both were inside and clothes couldn’t come off fast enough. It’s like you hadn’t had enough yet. Like you couldn’t get enough. You knew you should probably talk about what might happen tomorrow but that could wait when Harry pushed you onto the bed and hooked his arms under your thighs and placed his whole mouth over your pussy and began licking you up and down.

You placed your hands in his hair and moved your hips up and down over his face. He didn’t even need to use his fingers to get you off this time. His tongue and lips worked you into a frenzy and you learned that when you had your clit sucked on and a tongue slipping up and down at the same time it was magic. That was his secret. The sucking and the licking all at once were sensational and it turned you into an agitated, bumbling, wet mess.

Harry had your legs locked down as he used his talented mouth on you and when you felt the nearness of your orgasm start to spike through your system you opened your eyes and looked down at him, a mess of curls from how your fingers had been pulling at his hair, his eyes closed like you were a delicacy to take his time eating. A flavor to savor.

“Harry!” you gasped his name in a breathy voice and felt his voice vibrate off of your clit and that was it for you. You came hard and tears rolled down your cheeks as you tried to inhale breaths of air. Harry’s mouth only dug in harder and he held you down with ease, your thighs trying to close around his head and your entire body trembling under him.

You’d lost yourself for a bit but when you felt soft licks and kisses on your cunt and your head began to piece itself together again you opened your eyes and looked down between your legs. Harry’s eyes were on you and he lifted his face. The insides of your thighs were red from the agitation of the overgrown scruff on his face, which now had your arousal all over. Harry kissed the inside of your left thigh and then climbed over you and planted a sloppy kiss on your mouth. You wrapped your arms around him and basked in his attention with a sigh, attempting to kiss him back before he pulled away to look down at you.

“You okay?” He looked at you, that cocky grin on his face again.

You nodded and smiled and then closed your eyes. You weren’t ready for real words just yet. Your brain was still working itself back into place.

You felt Harry move off of you and get off the bed so you watched him as he went somewhere in the room but you couldn’t move your head back far enough to keep your eyes on his naked frame.

He came back to the bed, the mattress dipping down next to you and he laid on his side, an arm smoothing over your middle and you were pulled into his chest. You liked all of the affection he was suddenly so freely giving you. The hugs, the sweet gestures, and longing looks, the gentle kisses…

Yeah. He definitely liked you. He just still hadn’t quite admitted it yet. He hadn’t told you what he wanted or what his plan was.

You leaned your head back to look up at him and his eyes were already on you. You smiled at him and the smell of yourself was distinct between you two.

And like he was reading your mind Harry finally spoke, “I like you a lot.”

Your smile widened and you slid your palms up from his pecs to his neck and then into his hair, “Yeah? I knew it.”

Harry laughed through his nose and smiled, “What gave it away?”

You touched his lip and then thumbed at his cheek and up toward the edge of his eye, “That. The way you look at me.”

Harry’s mouth was curved up in a closed-mouth smile as his eyes took in the whole of your face.

It was another one of those intimate moments that felt serious and too real. It felt like you were about to lose balance and tip over into dangerous territory. But you wanted to find out what the danger was. To look at it and experience it. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad. Maybe it was a mistake.

“I can’t help it. You’re so pretty,” he put his hand up to your face and grazed his fingers over your temple and down to your cheek, and then over your bottom lip. You closed your eyes. It was too intense. His gaze, his presence, the moment.

You felt his lips on your jaw, soft, and warm. You were both still naked and Harry’s erection was far from being tamed. He needed it taken care of.

You moved your hand down to press your palm over him and he brought his lips up to kiss your mouth. It happened without very much thought, your thigh getting hitched over his hip, your centers kissing like your mouths were and suddenly you opened your eyes and he opened his as he pushed into you, both laid on your sides facing one another.

You lost all sense when you threw caution to the wind and felt him bare inside of you. Harry felt your warmth and your softness around him and he gasped when he dipped into you with no barrier. You both breathed one another in deeply and watched each other as you slid together, a silent understanding of what you were doing. What you shouldn’t be doing. But the moment was too tender to break, to stop.

Harry’s shaky breath fell over your neck as his hands found your bottom and he moved into you. The slow and languid pushing and pulling, hearts pounding, and breaths deep and strained had your brain locked on him. Your hand in his hair and wet lips parted at the new connection between you.

Harry stopped moving his hips and closed his eyes before opening them again to set his beautiful gaze on yours, “Is this okay?”

You nodded and moved your hip down to push him deeper, “Please don’t stop,” you panted your words.

The look on Harry’s face was relief and appreciation, he breathed heavily through his nose when he pressed into you and pulled back to his tip and then plunged back in, “Never.”

The feeling of him entering you over and over again in such slow and steady strokes had you shaking in his arms. It was powerful and beautiful. It was better than any sex or intimacy you’d ever experienced and it was all in the way he was looking at you and touching you.

You both shifted together, in and out, and up and down, eyes taking one another in with such regard that it felt like the earth wouldn’t even get in the way of your mutual affection.

Finally, Harry dipped in and put his mouth on yours and it felt like fireworks throughout your body. You moaned into his mouth and you couldn’t stop your body from shaking, but you felt Harry shaking the same.

Harry’s whimpers and breaths into your mouth were easily interpreted by you as the seriousness of what was happening between you.

“Y/n… please…” his words were breaths against your mouth, “ahhh… fuck…” Harry didn’t even know what he was saying please for. He was out of his mind for you. Wanted to have you, keep you, make you his for good. Maybe that’s what he was asking, he couldn’t be sure. But not having a condom on was incredible, though he knew he’d regret it later. He felt every part of you as he pressed in and pulled back. Your muscles clenched and fluttered as he pushed through your walls.

“Yes, Harry… yess… oh god yes…” you felt your heart swell for the man who was fucking you. Your brain was on fire and your body was melted from the heat. You were his if he wanted you and there wasn’t any way to mistake the levity of what was happening.

Harry squeezed his eyes closed and grunted. He didn’t ever want to stop it. Didn’t want it to end. Wanted to keep going and going and be in that moment forever, but it was impossible. He was about to come. He clenched his jaw and held his breath as he tried to think of anything to distract his cock from the perfection of your pussy but it was too much.

“Fuck…” he opened his eyes and began to plunge into you faster, “M’gonna come… where do you want it?” His words came out in pants and whimpers as he felt his balls tighten up against his body.

“Harry… come inside of me, come on baby…” you tightened your leg over his hip and moved your hand down to his shoulder when you felt him pick up the cadence of how he was fucking into you. You weren’t ready to come yet, but he needed to and you wanted him to release inside of you. You also had the implant so it was unlikely you’d get pregnant. You wanted him to feel it, to pour into you as he came.

And he did. He moaned and cried out in a gasp when he released into you. You felt him throb and still inside of you and he held you close as his orgasm wiped him out. His face scrunched up like he was in pain and his mouth was wide open in lust as he pumped into you everything he had.

When you gently ran your fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck you felt his sweat. He was breathing hard and had his eyes closed as you kissed his nose and then his cheek. He slowly blinked his eyes open, “I’m sorry I came so fast. It felt so good like that. I can…” you pressed your finger over his mouth and shook your head.

“No. Don’t be sorry. I loved that. You made me come already anyway,” you smiled at him. You did love it. It made you feel powerful having him come so fast like that. The power of the pussy and all.

Harry closed his eyes and breathed a laugh out of his nose and shook his head with a small smile on his face. You put your fingers back into his hair and then he opened his eyes again. His expression was more serious, more concerned.

“Don’t go, okay? Will you stay with me?”

You frowned and looked over his face and moved a hand down, brushing your knuckles on his cheek, “If you want me around I’ll stay. But does this mean I’m not in trouble anymore? For real?”

Harry shook his head, “You’re not in trouble. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll tell my boss I couldn’t find anything on you. I’ll think of something. I’m gonna be off the case anyway. I’ll ask to be moved.”

You shifted the smallest bit and moved your hand down over his chest with a big smile, “So you want me to stick around? You’re not worried I’m going to drug you and take all your money?”

Harry laughed, “I’ve got nothing for you to take really. Remember, you said it yourself, I’m not the type you go after,” Harry looked down at your mouth and back up to your eyes, “But did you think about it with me? Like even for a second? Think about stealing from me?”

You sighed and shook your head, “No. Not really because you don’t really have the kind of things that are easy to snag up. You had some cash sitting out and out of habit I ran through scenarios in my mind but I wouldn’t have gone through with it. I’m more about the risk and reward balance. What I do is high risk, so I need the reward to be higher than the risk. I like to minimize my risk as much as possible. With you, the risk is too high and the reward wouldn’t be worth it. Plus I actually like you. I don’t steal from men I sleep with as a rule.”

“Mmm… I see…” Harry squinted his eyes at you, “So you’re finally giving me a confession,” he moved his hand down to your hip and pinched the meat and you jumped.

“You said I wasn’t in trouble…” you warned him with a pinch to his chest.

“Maybe I was faking you out,” Harry grinned, but the smile was telling.

“Mhmm… okay. And you just came inside of me without a condom. Are you prepared to be a single dad while I’m in prison?” You laughed.

Harry sputtered out a chuckle and the crinkles at the sides of his eyes were so endearing. You thought he probably had the best smile you’d ever seen, “If that’s what it takes…” and then he cleared his throat, “you are on birth control, though, right?”

You rolled your eyes and tried to scoot back from him to sit up but as you’d become used to, he tightened his hold on you, not letting you move away, “What if I wasn’t? You didn’t even question me when I told you to come inside of me.”

Harry’s brows stitched together and his smile fell, “Tell me you’re on birth control.”

You raised a brow at him, “Tell me you’re ready to take on the responsibility of being a single father since you think it’s funny to joke that you were trapping me into a confession.”

Harry’s face remained stoic and serious.

You huffed a breath and set your face in a serious gaze back at him.

“You know I’m not really trying to trap you into a confession. Not anymore. You’re safe to tell me what you want. But you are on birth control. Right?”

“You weren’t concerned about this ten minutes ago. Are you saying you don’t want to bring a little Harry into this world with me?” You were teasing, obviously, but you kind of wanted to see how far you could take it.

Harry sighed and raised his brows, “You’re fucking with me.”

You smiled and nodded, “I’ve got the implant. But it was pretty dumb to forego a condom, don’t you think? What if I was trying to baby-trap you, Harry?”

Harry let out a breath through his nose and nodded, “Yeah. It was dumb. I’ve been kind of brain-dead around you if I’m honest. I’m actually a pretty good detective. Until I saw you in person.”

You grinned and smoothed your hand over his chest, feeling his hair under your palm, “I tend to make men brain-dead. It’s part of the job.”

Harry laughed and you felt his hand feather up your thigh toward the bend of your knee, “Am I a job to you?”

You shook your head, “Not at all.”

“Good. Because you’re not a job to me either. Not anymore.”

“I should probably tell you everything then, huh? Just so we have it all out on the table,” you kept your eyes on him and he nodded.

“Well, ever since I was little I liked taking things that didn’t belong to me and getting away with it…”

You began your story from the beginning and told him everything. Harry listened quietly as you both laid together naked on the bed. He knew most of what you’d told him but some of the details of how it all started were a surprise to him. And everything he learned just made him like you more.

“So,” you said to him when you’d told him your story, “still like me enough to keep around?”

Harry’s bright eyes stayed on yours the whole time and you were aware of the way he was taking you in as you spoke. You had no doubt that he still liked you. That he still wanted you around. If it wasn’t the way he was looking at you it was the way he wouldn’t let you go, how he kept you in his arms and let his palms brush over your skin as you spoke.

A goofy smile broke out on his face, “I do still like you, yes. Probably insane for it, but I want you around. If that’s okay with you.”

You pursed your lips to the side and stared into the corner of the room with a pensive look on your face, “Hmmm… let me think…”

Harry brought his fingers over your ribs and started to poke into your skin, tickling you. You both laughed as Harry continued tickling your ribs, “Tell me you want me still, Y/n, or I’m not going to stop,” he warned as he continued his tickle assault.

You guffawed loudly, trying to reign it in but your ribs were ticklish and Harry was strong and determined. You wiggled in his arms but he only dug in more and then he rolled you to your back, trapping your legs down under his thighs so you couldn’t kick at him.

“Okay!” You shouted and gasped, “Okay!! Mercy!”

Harry shook his head as his finger grazed over your sides and up under your armpits, “Nuh-uh. Tell me you want me and I’ll stop.”

You couldn’t stop your high-pitched squeal and laughter but you finally collected yourself, “Yes! I like you! Please stop!”

Harry stopped his fingers from moving over your skin but kept you held down, “Yeah? And you want to stick around with me?”

You nodded, “Yes. I do, Harry,” you smiled at him and held your hands up, ready to stop him from more tickles if necessary.

Harry’s wide grin reminded you of a kid who just learned they were going to get the Christmas present they’d been begging for, “Why are you so difficult? Why can’t you just be nice to me and answer my questions the first time? You always have to make a scene,” he laughed.

You wrapped your hands around his forearms, still not sure whether or not he was going to start tickling you again, “I am difficult. I’m never going to be easy. But you’re difficult too, Harry. You act like I’m the only one here who’s an asshole but you are too. And who wants easy anyway? Isn’t it more fun like this?”

Harry grinned down at you and cocked his head to the side, “Who wants easy anyway?”

Part 5*

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[subwaytostardew]

▽ Adoptable Joltik  - Sidetracked Events⚡️

I added a 7-event (more like 3, really) storyline included as an update to the Adoptable Joltik mod. It consists of Emmet not taking loss well. He misses his Joltik. He doesn't want to bother you about it. He will get back on track eventually.

These play when you enter the backwoods/mountain pass between 6:00 and 10:00 AM after seeing the adoption event and have at least 8 hearts with Joltik. Enter the mountains at the same time for the 5th event (with Ingo). Each event unlocks a new line of daily dialogue from Joltik and starts a cooldown for the next event to not start until after 4 days. The final (7th) event requires 9 hearts with Joltik.

As always... Commentary under the read-more.

▷ Station Steward Thylak

This update didn't really have any planning. It was a spontaneous decision to make more events and all the content was written as I coded so it's a bit rougher than previous events.

I've been wanting to update the Joltik mod to use Emmet's new recolored spritesheet and lock adoptability behind 8 hearts as intended (and also... fix the event requirements since I realized it was set to 10 hearts instead of 8... oops). The file was also zipped in a way that removed the containing folder so it made using mod loaders like Stardrop and Vortex more finicky.

If you've already seen the adoption event, there wouldn't be much incentive for downloading an update since Emmet doesn't appear outside of events. I'm not ready to release him as a full NPC to the general public just yet! His heart events are still broken. I dread going back and fixing them. I got a bit burnt out from working through my backlog of things to do for the mod and wanted to switch tracks from pixel art (so many portraits...). Eventing is my favorite thing to do regarding the mod, so I decided to make more events to include in the update as a break of sorts (not working on the mod? Taking an actual break? Why, I'd never!). More events are the perfect solution for me wanting to show off the new art for Subway to Stardew while also not implementing submas as full NPCs in the Joltik mod.

I could make Emmet's 9-heart event but... I feel like that's more of a Subway to Stardew thing than an Adoptable Joltik thing... if that makes any sense. I might include it later when I get around to writing/coding it, but I thought it would be a bit abrupt to add in the Joltik mod since you don't really get to befriend Emmet as intended there. There's also some people who aren't obsessed with submas and do download the Joltik mod for well, Joltik! Only Joltik. I went into eventing with that in mind and well...

I missed Emmet. I wanted him to be clingy again. I think you can tell where I got a bit self-indulgent. Making a mod is a lot of work and if I have the ability to turn Stardew into an Emmet friendship simulator, I'm going to make the most out of it. I need my emotional support Emmet to keep me on track. So for people familiar with Subway to Stardew and do like submas, you can get Emmet hugs at 9 hearts with Joltik now because I got derailed. Yippee!

The sneaking around in the mountain pass part was just silly. Since you can't visit Emmet in the Adoptable Joltik mod, I wanted to write around you not being able to find him. He's actively avoiding you now. Whether or not you notice him doesn't matter. He's not going to talk to you. It's safer that way.

I was thinking that Emmet doesn't take loss or changes in his routine very well; adopting Joltik would cause him to split tracks with you for a little bit. He's clingy and can't stand the few he cares about being gone even a little bit. He overthinks Joltik being happier with you so his inferiority complex flares up and he gets insecure about you forgetting him, too. He's jealous of you being a two-car train and he misses having Joltik aboard. He knows it's wrong to direct his frustrations at you since all you did was make Joltik happy.

There is a lot derailing his train of thought. While it's hard for him to stay on track, he still cares about you; you're still his best friend and favorite passenger (at the end of the line...). He doesn't want to split tracks forever, so he'll steer himself away in case if he accidentally lashes out or you end up thinking he's annoying with his visits for Joltik. He doesn't want you to hate him. He just wants to make sure Joltik still cares about him and still care for them while he takes the time to adjust to the changes in his routine. He's still frustrated with you, but that's his problem, not yours. He knows that. He thought it was a good idea to avoid you until he adjusted.

After all of that, his frustrations die down and he's a little deprived of his favorite (not-Joltik) passenger. He's clingy again. He won't let anyone derail him. Not even you. But he's back on track!

[wordstro]

[6] game of thrones-inspired au + prince hongjoong + "i loved you."

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

a/n: 6/6- the final part! 10k words, setting-typical violence, abusive dynamics, power dynamics, cheating, violence! murder! implied character death! (oops)

-

there was a light knock at your door.

yeosang stood at the door with a bundle of terrycloth in his arms, his silver armor dulled under dim candlelight. yeosang's eyes flickered over your face before he dangled the wrapped bundle in front of you, his armor and the bundle clinking softly in the ensuing silence.

"the kitchen's finest wine and fried sugar dough," yeosang announced, bowing his head, "made to your grace's liking, i hope."

you laughed; you could not help it. you propped the door open with one of the heavy gold corner vases, before you laid out your cloak on the stone floor and took a seat. yeosang was already carefully placing the flagons of wine and fried dough on the cloth he'd brought. the wine was a blood red, dornish red of course. it made your heart flutter in a way you had not allowed it in a while.

you watched as yeosang placed his helmet next to his knee. his blond hair spilled over his shoulders, half of it pulled into an unkempt knot at the top of his head. yeosang had always been beautiful. to younger you, his beauty was the same as a snake's, with lovely colors that glistened under the sun. he obtained many wreaths declaring him as a favorite during tourneys. he snuck away with people the few times you'd attended the drinking afterwards.

even now, so clearly tired from his long days as a kingsguard, he was a sight for sore eyes. he still was very much a snake, but snakes lived in the deserts of dorne. it reminded you of home.

he poured you a glass and situated himself at the door hinge, half turned to you, as he always did.

you sighed, "when will you join me?"

"oh sweet thing," yeosang rolled his eyes, "you're consistent, if anything, at least."

you snorted, and yeosang's lips quirked into a small smile.

the wine was dark as blood when you wiped a drip of it from your mouth, your fingertips bloodied by it. it was a strongwine, sweet and the smallest bit sour, warming your blood despite the cold stone floors.

you wiped the wine on your robes, but it still stained your fingers. dark red. like blood.

you asked, "when did hongjoong leave?"

you took another swig.

yeosang answered, "yesterday, at daybreak."

"oh," you said, "he left quickly."

yeosang nodded, his lips pressing into a thin line.

you drew your knees close. the wine made your skin warm. it jumbled your words. loosened your mouth. this was a routine between the two of you, though.

"do you think he'll really come back?" your voice crumbled at the last word, like the sugar crumbling off the untouched fried bits of dough laid haphazardly before you.

yeosang never answered these kinds of questions. you'd grown used to it.

yeosang turned, however, to fully face you, his back to the hall.

he said, "i think i shall drink with you today, sweet thing."

you'd blinked in surprise, drawn out from the heaviness in your chest. "really?"

yeosang's lion-like eyes curled into something softer, kind almost. perhaps, it was pity, but the wine made it into something else. he nodded, "really."

you watched as drank from your flagon, throwing his head back to empty it. dark blood red dripped down the corners of his mouth. he wiped it away with the back of his hand, his armor clinking loudly.

you frowned when he grinned at you, his grin too wide. you said, "did you have to down the whole thing?"

yeosang scowled, "i am the one risking my honor for this. i deserve more than a sip."

"you truly want me to believe you have honor, ser yeosang?"

"fine, i won't argue with that," yeosang snorted. "however i did risk quite a lot sneaking this up here."

"surely the great ser yeosang can sneak past a handful of servants? besides i'm sure the rats far outnumber the people after everyone fled. who would you have to sneak past?"

yeosang paused, raising a brow. he tilted his head in that curious way of his, "what makes you think everyone fled?"

"my windows overlook the main entrance," you reminded him, nodding to the barred windows.

yeosang's brows furrowed. all he said was, "the king is still here, your grace."

"ah yes, the mad king." you'd scoffed, rolling your eyes. you leaned back onto the heels of your hands, appraising yeosang's guarded posture as you frowned, "no one else is here but him, i assume."

"it is true, some of the nobles have joined the rebellion. others have left king's landing," yeosang gulped down a much smaller mouthful of wine, his brows furrowed, "but the kingsguard remain."

"only because they are obliged to." you mumbled, "frankly, i am surprised the prince did not take you with him."

"the king would not allow it," yeosang said. his lips turned down into a small frown.

you mulled over his words, "because the king does not wish to provide lord kang an opportunity for his heir to return to him?"

it was a question you already knew the answer to.

yeosang's snicker was unamused, "the king thinks very highly of me, it seems."

"a sure sign he's succumbed fully to his madness."

yeosang let out a soft laugh. you'd heard it only a few times during your stay in king's landing. it was soft, surprised even, a guffaw more than anything. you could not help but smile.

after a beat, yeosang said, "mingi is here, too."

for a moment, your heart ached for them. ever since you stepped into the red keep, you saw a companionship between hongjoong, yeosang, and mingi that you'd often been envious of. you were always an outsider looking in. and when san and jongho visited, it was as if you were pushed further into the peripheral. even when san courted you, you remained watching, observing. jongho and hongjoong would exchange silent grins over san's head during lunches. hongjoong would pat san on the back and pull him into a long hug every time he greeted san when he returned to the red keep. even during the time when hongjoong ignored you and made sly digs towards san, there was still an air of camaraderie there. hongjoong laughing with yeosang and mingi during your studies. how highly mingi spoke of hongjoong. how yeosang spoke of hongjoong. it was as though despite the flaws and horrible bits, hongjoong was still theirs to love. and that was what it was, was it not? love. you saw it clear as day, when hongjoong confronted you for using mingi. he loved them in a way he never loved you, in a way you'd never love him, in a way you had not had the chance to love your brothers. and they loved him the same way. they were boys together.

but now hongjoong had gone to the north, and yeosang and mingi were left behind in this cage, and jongho and san were leading a rebellion headed your way, to oust hongjoong and his father from the throne. they were no longer boys.

your heart tore at the thought. somehow, this all affected you too, despite how avidly outside of them you were. you were always an outsider looking in, but, still, you were a kid with them, too, for a bit.

"what went wrong?"

"the mad king was always on thin ice, but...i believe everyone hoped hongjoong could be different. had it been a different lord that night," yeosang's hum was thoughtful, "that trust in hongjoong could have survived the mad king's reign. unfortunately, lord lim was the first nail in his coffin, and seonghwa is his last."

the memory of lord lim tied to a post, going up in flames, returned to you, clear as day. you'd never forget it. not his cries, nor the way hongjoong whispered dracarys, nor the fact that you did not stop him. he'd called you horrible names, upset because the mad king beheaded his nephew. the lims, you remembered, were one of many houses that had gathered with jongho during his brothel visits, according to lady irene. now you knew why he'd gathered in the brothels. you'd been so engrossed in your own sole position in this game of thrones, in communicating with your brothers and merely establishing ways to get information, that you had not even thought to use that information for your own well-being. perhaps, if you did, you would not have been left here to die.

"lord lim? why lord lim?" you asked.

yeosang laughed, but there was no amusement there, "jongho and san regard lord lim as something of a second father. they grew up in the riverlands, right alongside seonghwa."

"oh."

you'd stood alongside hongjoong as he coaxed his dragon to burn lord lim at the stake. i shall join you, you said. hongjoong had looked back at you, and you had felt glee when hongjoong had whispered to his dragon to breathe fire. you were complicit, not only by marriage but by actions. hongjoong knew this. he knew, yet he left you behind.

and seonghwa?

yeosang's jaw tightened when you met his gaze once more. his pretty face twisted with scorn. he said, "jongho adores seonghwa. they say hongjoong stole him from winterfell. plucked him from the castle on dragonback. we always teased jongho that he would have started a war for seonghwa."

yeosang's shoulders rose and fell in a silent chuckle.

you thought of seonghwa, of what you'd said to him. you were complicit there too. lord lim and seonghwa. both nails in hongjoong's coffin.

"do you believe what they say?"

yeosang shrugged, "seonghwa always did what he pleased. i don't know what to believe. it is merely speculation."

you let his words sink in as you took another sip of wine. yeosang's cheeks were flushed pink with alcohol, and you felt your stomach churn at finally receiving the information you'd been long wishing for. perhaps, rotting away in these chambers without knowing what was happening beyond the red keep was a good thing, because now all you could do was try to reconcile the fact that you were in fact left for dead here. perhaps this was punishment for standing with hongjoong, for using mingi the way you had, for allowing the jealous beast inside you to lash out at park seonghwa. for daring to play the game of thrones.

you looked up at yeosang, his brown eyes meeting yours, lingering. you held the flagon at eye level. yeosang reached for it without hesitation. you watched as he took several gulps of wine, blood red droplets staining his lips.

the strongwine clouded your head, and loosened your tongue, and perhaps if you were in different circumstances, you would have found your ease around kang yeosang embarrassing.

yeosang loosened the ties to his armor, placing it next to his helmet, his white cotton tunic crisp even in the dim lighting.

yeosang must have had the same thought as you - his eyes met yours, and there was a moment of sheepishness there you'd never seen from him before. you shook your head, tone conspiring, "i won't tell. who is there for me to tell anyway?"

yeosang snickered, an ugly snort of a thing that echoed through the empty hall, through your chambers. you only took a drink from the flagon between you both.

the silence between you was melancholic. yeosang leaned back against the door hinge, studying you. under his scrutiny, you lifted your chin. you never did like feeling small, studied, around kang yeosang.

perhaps the wine made you bold, or perhaps it was the loneliness. you leaned in, and you said, "what are you thinking?"

yeosang shrugged, his eyes flickered between yours. after a beat of silence, he said, "in another life, we would have wedded."

he was an option of the queen's, long long ago. it was quite a thought. your cheeks burned from the wine. "a terrible life to live, i think."

"yes," yeosang smiled, and it was a soft thing. sincere, even. his voice was softer. "i think so, too."

something churned at the pit of your stomach when yeosang did not lean away or avert his gaze. you thought him quite pretty like this, messy hair and cotton tunic and flushed cheeks and wine-stained lips and glassy eyes.

he reached out then, and it was not a hesitant touch, as you were so used to. his thumb brushed along your cheek, and even that single touch stirred the restless fire in your heart. yeosang's eyes remained fixed on your face, as if he were studying your reactions. he breathed, "what kind of life would you have liked to live then?"

"the kind where i feel loved without having to beg for it," you admitted.

yeosang's brows furrowed, and you'd blinked when he leaned in and pressed a kiss to your mouth. he was warm and tasted of honeyed strongwine, and you returned his kiss only to feel something other than the overwhelming weight of your worries. it was all teeth and wine and imperfection, off kilter and a blur as you curled your fingers in his soft hair and he tugged you closer, his calloused fingers digging into your skin. the wine spilled between you, but neither of you cared to pull away. you only laughed as he pulled you closer in a poor attempt to avoid the spill. your skin tingled where he touched you, leaving a trail of goosebumps. you were starved of touch and warmth, and he seemed the same way, and you knew you should have pushed him away, but you'd long abandoned such things. you felt the rush of fire, and you remembered your age again.

you pushed him back only to drag your fingers down the front of his crisp white tunic. he made noises as pretty as you pressed another kiss to his lips, as his fingers fumbled with the ties of your tunic and found warm skin. you were something-and-twenty again, on the verge of counting the many moons you've missed, and this was not a battle between the two of you, neither was it a game, it was merely the two of you moving imperfectly, nails digging into skin, kisses wherever either could reach. it was merely feeling wanted without having to ask or worry.

at least until your arm knocked against his helmet. you yelped against his mouth, surprised more than in pain. the resulting clang was deafening, too loud, bouncing off the stone walls. you'd blinked when yeosang jumped, sitting back, pushing you away, his eyes wide, his cheeks flushed as red as his lips. your heart stilled as his gaze tore from you to his discarded armor. clarity washed over you like a cold bath.

you fell back onto your palms, your breath as heavy as his, and you watched yeosang close his eyes. his throat bobbed as he swallowed. his tunic had slipped from his shoulders, his hair a mess, and his skin blotchy and red. you were sure you looked the same.

your heart continued to pound in your chest as yeosang dragged his hands through his messy blonde hair and finally, finally, opened his eyes.

slowly, he murmured, voice rough, tone regretful, "i took an oath to never lay with another. i am no oathbreaker."

you let out a breathless laugh, "you strike me as the type to break oaths and laugh, yeosang."

yeosang sighed, shaking his head.

you dragged your hands through your hair, too, straightening up as you took in the mess you both made, the spilled wine and your disheveled appearances and the lingering tension settling over both your shoulders, a sharp dissonance in the camaraderie you'd managed to salvage in all this.

"we've made quite a mess." yeosang whispered.

it was supposed to be a serious thing, buthe sounded exasperated, annoyed, and you laughed at the absurdity of it all.

after a beat, he burst into laughter, a musical sound that cleared the tension swiftly. never did you think you'd find any kind of solace in kang yeosang's company, no matter how brief, yet here you were.

~.~.~.~.~

"did you have any dreams? aside from being a knight?" you asked yeosang. you laid sprawled on your back, peering up at yeosang as he stood guard outside your door. the ale was empty and you should have been asleep. he'd dragged you from the door to your bed and helped you lie down, but you were now laying with your head hanging from the side, peering at an upside down yeosang who only rolled his eyes at your question.

yeosang leaned against the door to your chambers, body half-in and half-out.

you flipped onto your stomach on the bed, and you drawled, drunker than you'd wanted to be, "indulge me, ser yeosang."

yeosang laughed, a tinkle of a thing. he said, "i've always dreamt of being a knight."

"oh?" you'd snorted, gesturing around you, "is it everything you'd imagined it'd be?"

"of course," yeosang nodded, "terribly annoying royalty and all."

you rested your head on your palm as you looked at yeosang. you said, "my dream was to be kind. i'd told my brothers a long time ago."

yeosang turned to look at you, his brows furrowed.

"what?"

he said, "you never talk about your brothers."

you shrugged, "it is easier not to."

"i dreamt of being a chivalrous knight," yeosang said after a beat, "the kind from the stories who protects innocents."

"really?"

"it was a childish dream," yeosang muttered, turning away to peer down the empty hallway.

"i think it's a nice dream. you're already quite close to achieving it."

you could see the corners of yeosang's mouth lift into a smile. he did not look at you as he said, "yours is, too. you're quite kind, sweet thing."

your cheeks felt hot, but you shook your head, "i am not."

"you are," yeosang met your gaze once more, his expression reassuring. "you try to be, at least, and that's all that matters."

~.~.~.~.~

you were something-and-twenty when king's landing's sun was bright and lively, the air clean, and the sunlight through the barred window warm against your skin. it reminded you of sunspear.

neither you nor yeosang spoke of the kiss since that night. you'd both returned to the usual routine - yeosang brought you snacks and drinks when he was assigned outside your chambers, and you sat at the door, and you both talked. he was the company you craved all this time. you did not love him, but you liked his company, and you hated that you'd only had the chance to figure it out now.

the only difference, you noticed, was that yeosang would sometimes recount stories of his time at casterly rock - his brother and sister he seemed to adore, his mother who had passed giving birth to his younger brother, the mischief he used to get up to with san in the gardens. they were brief moments told here and there, when the orange he brought was too tart or when the feeling of knowing you were doomed caught up to you and you did not want to speak to him, or when you asked him a question that he truly did not seem to have the answer to. you hadn't been able to piece together much of yeosang's past, but he gave you enough to know it was his strange way of reconciling with you - perhaps it was an apology for the other night.

he certainly never brought strongwine to your door anymore.

you sat on the floor beneath the warm sun streaming through your barred windows.

someone knocked on the door. you called for them to enter.

yeosang stood at the threshold of your chambers, his helmet on and his stance rigid.

something was wrong. you could sense it his stance, his quiet, the way his helmet obscured his face. he did not lean against the door as he sometimes would, or remove his armor and let himself relax.

"is everything all right?" you asked.

there was a long pause. even the warm sun felt wrong on your skin.

yeosang shifted from foot to foot, his armor clinking softly. he said, "the kitchens have ran out of your favorites."

you'd blinked at him, "it's okay. i don't mind."

yeosang nodded, the movement brisk. "i'll be outside then."

he shut the door quietly behind him, and you thought perhaps the doom of being left behind in this gilded cage had caught up to him finally as well. you let him be that day.

~.~.~.~.~

the servants did not come with dinner, as they always did right after the sun set.

you stared at the door, the hairs at the back of your neck standing on end.

yeosang should have been outside, yet you could not find it in yourself to open the door or call from him.

one moment everything was silent, soft quiet. the next, you heard shouting. screaming.

you froze. you were never quick to react like yeosang or mingi or wooyoung. you were never good with a sword.

there was a bang at your door. it was jarring, the sudden bang after so many moons of eerie quiet. something slammed hard against the door. dust sprung to the air as whatever slammed against your door rattled the walls of your chambers. hongjoong's trinkets and books fell from their shelves.

you found your body moving on its own, scrambling for the only thing in reach - the fire iron from the unused fireplace. it was not hot but it was heavy.

"yeosang?" you called, your voice catching in your throat enough to make your voice waver. "yeosang, what is going on?"

another bang, louder this time, so loud the vase of flowers hongjoong's mother had sent you after your wedding crashed to the ground. it shattered. dried, long-dead flowers scattered across the floor. he never allowed the servants to take the dead flowers, and now they spilled across the stone floor. your heart leapt against your ribs. you brandished the fire iron, but your hands shook. you readjusted the iron in your hands, over and over.

another slam.

then the door burst open, the heavy door knocking against the wall with a resounding crash. books and vases and pots and trinkets plummeted to the floor, heavy thuds and ceramics shattering one by one filling the room. each thud, each shatter, made your heart slam louder and louder against your ribs.

dust scattered all around. a large figure loomed at the threshold to your chambers, the person's shadow blocking the only way out. you'd blinked. it was not yeosang. you did not recognize them.

before you could ask, or steady yourself, or even catch your bearings for even a moment, the figure lumbered into the room, his sword taller than you, and it was the mountain, you realized. his boots thumped against the stone floor. thud, thud, thud. your blood ran cold with the way he moved towards you, his boots crunching as he stepped in broken ceramics and did not seem to care one bit, his focus fixed on you. lady irene and yeosang had given you cryptic warnings of the mountain. you'd only known him as lord kang's man, and as one of the kingsguard, but now...now he appeared a beast with eyes as black as night and a heavy frame and a sort of saunter that nearly stopped your heart.

you were only four-and-ten when you faced a dragon, you were twenty when you faced the king of dragons, when you married his son and faced him too, but here you stood facing a dangerous man called the mountain, who brandished a claymore that stood taller than you with nothing but an iron fire poker to defend yourself.

the mountain was a part of the kingsguard, but you were not the king, so did that truly matter?

"lord kang sends his regards, your highness," the mountain's voice was gruff as he stalked closer, his dark eyes piercing as he sized you up as a predator sizes up prey. the queen's vase crunches under his heavy boots. "he assures you he means you no ill will, but you are in the way and that will not do."

you've faced dragons and dragon kings and dragon princes, a mountain was nothing to be afraid of. yet here you stood, without an hint of sunspear left in you, shaking in your boots as the man loomed closer, his predatory gaze promising something worse than death even. you wanted nothing more than for everything to be over mere hours ago, but now you stood and you wanted to fight. you hadn't been able to do either.

you needed to fight back. the smallest voice at the back of your head, that sounded awfully like wooyoung and yunho, shouted at you to fight back. you needed to -

the mountain smacked you so hard across the face, you fell into the wall, stumbling onto the floor. you saw stars, more than you ever had in king's landing. your grip on the fire iron remained tight, but it felt useless under the strength of such a beast of a man.

fight back. your brothers would not here of you dying so easily.

you pushed yourself up to your knees, using the fire poker for support. your vision still swam. the mountain's eyes sparked with a sort of primal joy as he peered down at you, and your heart twisted and your stomach churned at the chill that ran down your spine. he reached down, bending at the waist, to grip your face between his fingers.

he opened his mouth to say something, but you spit blood in his face. he flinched back and you swung your fire iron at him. it slashed at the skin of his exposed ankles. he roared, his hand falling from your face. you nearly slammed face first into the cement floor. his roar made your blood run cold, but you scrambled to your feet. you needed to get away from him, you knew. searing pain shot up your skull as you were yanked back by the hair. he dragged you back, tearing hair from your scalp, and you knew not where he was taking you or what your fate would be now, but you knew that this would not end well. you knew it from the moment you saw joy in his eyes after he hit you. the mountain was a beast and you would not die by his hands. you swung your fists, clawed at skin at his face, anything you could put your hands on. he dragged you onto your bed and you kicked at him, your vision still swimming. only later did you learn you were screaming yourself hoarse, and your vision was swimming because of tears.

there was a shout, then, a deep cry that did not come from you or the mountain. the grip on your hair slackened and you fell forward into the ground, the air leaving your lungs too quickly. you gasped for air, until someone grabbed you by the elbows and hauled you to your feet.

you shoved at the touch, slamming your fists against a solid body, until a deep voice gasped, "it is me, y/n. it is mingi."

and you blinked in surprise, withdrawing your hands, even as you allowed him to drag you out your chambers. there was screaming behind you. your ears were ringing. you did not dare to look back, allowing him to lead the way. you both ran, your head still throbbing and your vision still swimming and fingers curled right around mingi's. the two of you ran and ran and ran until he was pushing you through the tapestries and into a tight corridor, and you two were scurrying down a set of steep stairs in darkness, until -

you came to halt at the foot of the stairs. you knew this door. you took this passage out of the red keep on too many occassions.

you looked over at mingi, but you could not see him well in the darkness of the corridor.

"the mountain," your voice was hoarse, too quiet, "did you kill him?"

mingi said, "only stunned him for a moment. if he traces our steps..."

mingi did not wait for an answer from you. he merely pushed past you, avoiding physical contact with you, and peeked through a crack in the doorway before opening it for you. you exited out into the familiar cobblestone street first, the narrow alleyway the same as it always had been. king's landing, however, was quiet. you had no idea what the king had demanded of the commonfolk while you were locked away in your chambers.

you could see mingi's face in the dim candlelight lanterns hanging from the alleyway walls. his expression was grim, a large cut dragging from under his left eye to the bottom of his chin. his lip was swollen, and he had a slight limp. if it were any other time, the two of you would have stuck out sorely in the streets of king's landing, but all was quiet as war loomed on the horizon. perhaps, with the mountain's message from lord kang, the war had already arrived. perhaps it would be over in the morning.

you opened your mouth to say something, anything, to mingi. last you saw him, hongjoong had been involved. but mingi only held up a black cloak to you. you had not seen where he got it from. you pulled it tight around you, pulling the hood over your stinging face. mingi wore a similar black cloak over plainclothes.

without a word, he took your hand, and he pulled you through cobblestone streets. the cobblestone streets were dry from the heat of the sun you'd felt through your bars, but the streets were eerily quiet. windows were boarded shut, and the world was too quiet.

mingi slinked quickly through the streets, you hurrying to keep up with him. the two of you avoided any main streets, using the alleyways to navigate through king's landing. the port was up ahead, you knew, and the smell of sea breeze reminded you terribly of your family. if lord kang sent someone to kill you, then what of your family? what has happened to the king? to...to...

"wait here," mingi murmured, and you watched as he made his way onto the port, closest to the entrance.

there, mingi spoke quietly with a man who had appeared to have been waiting for him. they clasped hands and mingi tilted his head, leaning down to speak to the man. you looked back over your shoulder, to the red keep looming above the city. it seemed peaceful from down below. quiet. especially so early in the morning. you jumped when you turned away and mingi was back at your side. mingi held out a hand.

he said, "we have to go. now."

your face hurt, and your mouth throbbed, and you knew there was no other option for you. so, you took mingi's hand, and let him guide you onto port. a small cargo boat with neutral sails was docked in the corner. mingi held a hand out to help you onto the boat before he readied the boat to set sail.

mingi worked quietly and quickly, his hood slipping from his head. you watched as he kept his eyes on the task at hand, a perpetual furrow curling through his brow.

the man at port had long disappeared. as the boat started sailing through the bay, towards the narrow sea, sails fluttering gently in the breeze, bells rang from the red keep, over and over and over again. mingi sat at one end of the boat, and you fidgeted in your seat at the other, and you could not ignore the supplies packed and ready at your feet.

the red keep was a dot on the horizon when you could finally allow yourself to relax a little bit.

"where are we going?" you asked. your voice was rough.

mingi said, "anywhere but here."

~.~.~.~.~

"where was yeosang?" mingi asked, after a few hours of sailing in silence. it was the first question he'd asked. perhaps he had been waiting for you to ask something. you had not known where to start.

"i don't know."

"you were his post that night, and i - i had this feeling, so i went to check on him and instead i found the mountain dragging you to... " mingi cleared his throat, frowning, "i've had this boat on standby for yeosang and me just in case we needed it. i hoped to never use it."

"why would either of you need it? i thought you took an oath to the king."

"it was something we both decided to invest in long before we joined the kingsguard," mingi said, his tone flat.

"so all that time," you stared at him, and irritation bubbled through the shock and exhaustion that had encompassed you since you set sail, "all that time you tried to convince me hongjoong was a good person while you both had an escape plan?"

you watched mingi struggled with his next words. finally, he said, "it wasn't just for me and yeosang, y/n. it was for hongjoong too."

your chest tightened.

mingi shook his head, "it was just something stupid we'd promised as children. none of us had the heart to end the arrangement."

even now, your heart ached. despite everything.

"'lord kang sends his regards.'" you repeated, changing the subject quickly, "that is what the mountain said before he...before he tried to kill me."

mingi looked troubled, his gaze fixed upon the horizon behind you.

you said, "do you think lord kang will send him after me?"

there was a beat of silence before mingi finally said, "i don't know. i pray to the gods he does not. no one has ever beat the mountain. we're lucky we got out alive."

you sighed, taking in the predicament you were in.

the boat had enough provisions to make it across the narrow sea. dorne was across the narrow sea, to the south, and to the west of the narrow sea lay essos and the free cities. those were two very clear options. despite the longing you had to return to dorne, there was doubt now. you barely recognized yourself as dornish, what if no one else acknowledged you either?

mingi asked, breaking you away from your thoughts, "so where do we go?"

"we?" you frowned, "you want to come with me?"

you thought he'd leave you somewhere and go off on his own. you certainly deserved it.

for the first time in a long while, mingi met your gaze with a steady firmness and slightly flushed cheeks you'd missed. he said, "i will remain by your side, y/n, until you are safe."

"until we are safe," you corrected him.

mingi smile was wide and gummy, and you found yourself smiling back.

~.~.~.~.~

a day into your voyage, you and mingi get caught in a storm. for an entire night, you're rocked back and forth, waves crashing over the boat and onto the deck. you both try to pull the sails in, to keep the boat as steady as possible, but the gods have plans of their own.

when the storm clears, you are both by a shore neither of you can match to the map. there's a small port and when you dock - after an argument that ends abruptly when you both realize that the water in the boat was only rising higher - you discover a small fishing village. there are all kinds of people in the village, people of differing skin colors and eye colors and heights and hair colors and hair textures, and you believed the gods have decided the two of you would find yourselves stranded somewhere in essos.

perhaps you would never be able to step foot in dorne again.

"how long does it take to repair a boat?" mingi asked as he dragged a hand through his hair.

apparently, many many moons when neither of had a single piece of gold to your name or any idea how to speak the local language.

~.~.~.~.~

mingi found a job as a farmhand. you did the village's laundry. the locals seemed to take pity on you two, washed ashore with nothing to your name, so they agreed to any work requests either of you put in. when mingi found an abandoned stone castle, if one could call such a small building that, up atop a hill overlooking the narrow sea, the villagers seemed to look upon you both with even more pity. they avoided the hill, shaking their heads as they besmirched the place. you did not fully understand their words, but you knew they hated it for a reason.

"perhaps it's haunted," you said to mingi one day, as you two made your beds on opposite sides of the stone room. the straw bedding was warm, and you'd gone too many days without warm bedding. to think such a small thing would be a luxury now.

mingi grimaced, "why say that right before bed?"

you laughed, pulling the thin blanket over you - the bed was so much smaller than the one in the red keep, yet you found it easier to sleep in this one. you snorted while mingi grumbled to himself about spirits in the dark.

for once, you found a similar comfort as you once had before king's landing.

a troubadour wandered into the village shortly after you both settled into your new home, singing of great tales from both faraway lands beyond the sea and close cities such as pentos. the village folk clapped and sang along, and you and mingi found a spot at the back, sitting side-by-side, but never touching.

it was quite a sight, enjoyable even. you'd laughed for the first time in a while. at least until the troubadour sang of the sacking of king's landing.

it was a dramatic song. the villagers held their breath. so did you.

king kim was killed by a member of his own kingsguard, the bard sang as he gulped down ale. an oathbreaker and a kingslayer.

kingslayer, the woman who sold you vegetable seeds gasped. the word echoed through the crowd. oathbreaker, kingslayer, oathbreaker.

they found him sitting on the iron throne, the king's body laid at his feet. throat slashed! he called, his hushed words echoing all around in the silence. it fell heavy on your shoulders. even the birds seemed to repeat it into the distance as they cawed. the man called, oathbreaker and kingslayer kang yeosang. the king is dead, the prince's spouse is dead. they are all dead!

dead, dead, dead.

the crowd jeered at the man dressed in fake kingsguard outfit, wooden sword in hand, a caricature of kang yeosang. your chest felt tight.

the troubadour sang more of jongho's rebellion, but you did not care for the reactions of those around you. you only looked to mingi. he stared at the performers, stunned. perhaps mingi had not known of yeosang's plans. the shock was too genuine. that was a relief at least. manipulation thrived in everyone around you, except for mingi. you had to believe that.

you tapped his knee. mingi's head whipped to meet your gaze. you gestured towards the hill, and he nodded before you could open your mouth. his tense shoulders remained, but relief flooded his expression. he hurried to his feet, turning away first, and perhaps as you watched mingi hurry away, you'd stood frozen for just a moment longer to hear of his fate. perhaps, the troubadour continued on and on about jongho's rebellion, about san's attack on dragonstone - where you knew the queen was sent away, about everything but him.

you shook your head, following behind mingi. you did not bother to keep up with his pace, merely watching his tense shoulders and curled fists as rocks skittered down the pathway as he walked.

it took until you were nearing your little hill house, the sea twinkling softly under moonlight beneath you, the villager's drunken giggles and cries a distant whisper, the night breeze a soft touch against your skin, to gather the courage to break the silence that had befallen you two.

"mingi," you called after him.

mingi ignored you. the crunching of his feet against rocks and dirt was your only answer.

you sighed, picking up speed. as the hill leveled out at the top, so did mingi's pace.

"mingi." you called once more.

mingi spun on his heels, rocks dislodging from beneath his feet. awash in moonlight, he seemed younger somehow, yet more exhausted than he had ever been before. the shadows draped over his sharp features. his mouth quivered and his chin dipped, yet his eyes remained steady. the scar that dripped down from his eye to his chin glowed under the moonlight.

he used to look at you like you hung the stars, like you were the sun waking from the horizon every morning, like you were above him.

now he saw you as you were. the thought terrified you. you were nothing good, certainly not to him. he saw all of it, all of you.

mingi dragged both his hands through his hair. it was overgrown now. he usually tied it back when he went to work.

he opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was a staggered breath.

you stepped closer. he did not back away, at least.

"i am sorry," you said. you did not know what else to say.

mingi blinked, as if you'd hit him. "you...this is not..."

a pause, before mingi whispered, his deep voice cracked around the edges, "yeosang told me nothing, you know that? that's the worst part. he never confided in me. i told him everything, my woes and my successes. everything. but he...he kept everything to himself."

mingi's deep voice shattered then. he tugged at his hair, his eyes shining with tears. you pressed hesitant hands to his shaking palms.

you said, "it is not your fault. he decided to do that on his own."

"i could have stopped him."

"no, you could not have," you shook your head, clutching his trembling hands close.

"i could have tried," mingi whispered, each syllable a knife to your chest.

mingi sunk to the ground then, and you went with him. he pressed your intertwined hands to his face, and you watched him sob, his shoulders hunched over and his sobs wracked his whole body. to see such a pillar of strength reduced to this - you always knew what the people around you were like, you'd always been given warnings since the beginning, but mingi grew up in the red keep. he only believed in the good. he had no reason to see their true colors this way.

you could only think that he truly was better than the rest of you. you could only agree that he did not deserve this.

yet here he was. his whole world was crumbling and the only thing you could do was hold his hand through it.

~.~.~.~.~

lord kang pronounced you dead, but you knew he knew you were not. the mountain had to have reported you'd escaped. so why he would leave a loose thread like you unattended to was beyond you.

you knew if your brother believed the kangs had killed you, then your brothers would rather rot than join jongho's rebellion. where that left hongjoong, you had no idea. last you heard, he'd kidnapped park seonghwa, triggering jongho's rebellion, san was sent to take dragonstone in jongho's name, likely meant to kill the queen in the process if she was even alive, and you remained in a remote village off the coast of the narrow sea. perhaps lord kang hoped that the prince leaving you behind to die as collateral damage to run away with park seonghwa would spur your brothers to fight alongside jongho. it was hongjoong's duty to keep you safe, of course, and he failed miserably. yunho and wooyoung would have hongjoong's head for that very reason. the troubadours and rumors only ever mentioned dorne as a footnote, so you had no idea how your brothers were faring.

you wished to live in peace; you were even resigned to it. spending the rest of your life farming and doing laundry and trying to make it up to mingi for manipulating his feelings at king's landing did not seem like the worst of fates. even mingi seemed happy with his share, as kind as he was, his smiles seemed genuine. he did not seem to miss his father or the kingsguard or the red keep. at least he did not make it known to you if he did.

mingi did not look at you as he used to, with stars in his eyes, but you still caught him staring sometimes. he did not touch you often, even when he had to move around you in your narrow living space. you appreciated it. you did not think you could love him the way he wanted you too. maybe he could not either.

you tried to live in peace, but the troubadours came to sing often, and rumors spread quickly, and you were kept aware of current events even if you did not want to be. westeros was right across the narrow sea, of course. you would not be able to escape it. dorne was across the narrow sea as well, calling to you. you thought of your brothers, left to mourn your father, to then mourn you, and you missed them so. but you'd grown used to missing them. was it worth it to emerge from the dead in the midst of this war?

~.~.~.~.~

you were five-and-twenty on a windy, cloudy day. a storm was brewing, and when you looked over the hill, you could barely see the village down below. fog obscured the village homes. even the tavern's bright red roof was barely visible. the sea was tumultuous below. waves crashed against the cliffs and beach below. usually children would be playing in the sand, but it was empty. you hurried to bring the laundry in, wind whipping your hair in your face.

a shadow befell your home and your yard. a chill ran down your spine as you looked up. you had not seen his dragon in many many name-days, but you recognized it right away. above the clouds was a large creature of shining black scales. if it were sunny, the dragon's scales would have reflected back the colors of the rainbow, catching the attention of everyone around you. but it was dark and gloomy and thunder boomed, shaking you to your core, and no one would know that the prince of westeros was descending upon you on dragonback.

wind whipped at your face as you craned your neck to watch the dragon circle your home. it wove in and out between stormy grey clouds. the laundry basket tumbled from your hands. the wind screamed. the laundry lines shook. your world felt fragile once more, despite the fact that you were no longer trapped behind gilded barred windows.

then he descended upon you.

your heart lodged in your throat as the shadow got bigger and bigger, as wind rushed all around you. your clothes flew, your hair whipped at your skin, your lips became dry, your eyes watered, but you did not avert your gaze as the beast landed upon a rock, wings flapping one last gust wind before the dragon bowed its head. the ground shook as it landed. it sounded like thunder.

his blonde hair gleamed, strands of silver-white falling into his eyes despite the way he's restrained his hair into a severe bun at the top of his head. he remained seated on the back of his dragon, murmuring to the creature in the old language. you only picked up bits and pieces of his words, all incomprehensible to you, the rest drowned out by another heavy blast of thunder. a puckered red scar ran from the corner of his mouth to his ear, a festering wound that gave him a perpetual half-smile. despite all of it, he was still beautiful. kim beauty never diminished; even the severity of his angles, of his tight bun and his scar, gave him an inhuman beauty that would leave anyone breathless. it was a predatory beauty, you knew, meant to draw you in as predator does with its prey, yet you could not avert your gaze.

your heart stilled as he slid off his dragon's back, his white shirt billowing in the wind, his hand rested on his dragon's head and he murmured something to his dragon. it bowed its head, snarling under its breath, its large eyes unblinking. his movements were languid, impudent as always. your heartbeat stilled when he finally looked up and his scrutinizing gaze locked with yours. droplets of rain began to fall upon you both, a shiver running down your spine.

in that moment, you were four-and-ten again and facing a dragon in the dragonpit. the burn on your arm itched under his heavy gaze.

his dark eyes still danced; a familiar wild fire that consumed everything it touched. your stomach was in knots.

"did you think i would not find you?" hongjoong's voice carried over the wind, echoing as the voice of the gods were said to. "that you could leave so easily?"

you were seven-and-ten again, surrounded by grown men who did nothing to keep you safe and a mad king who threatened you for your father's perceived failings.

"you left me, hongjoong," anger filled your chest. "you promised to stay by my side and keep me safe, but then you left to be by seonghwa's side. you left me, and they tried to kill me."

your scream joined the gusts of wind.

hongjoong stepped closer and closer and you could only watch. his eyes flickered over your face. he said, "seonghwa was never meant to remain by my side. you are."

you blinked, "what did you do to him?"

once, a long, long time ago, you had felt fear for park seonghwa, as you did for yourself.

hongjoong shrugged, waved a hand nonchalantly. "i left him somewhere safe."

you were twenty again, and terrified of the man before you and what would become of you. he left seonghwa too. he tames pretty things and then he leaves them caged away to wither or to die or to have their cages broken into by someone else.

hongjoong reached up then, and you'd only then realized he was close enough to touch you. and touch you, he did.

his fingertips fluttered over your cheek, following the line of your jaw. your heart skipped a beat. you said, "why are you here?"

"i shall return to king's landing and take back the throne from those...those traitors," his eyes narrowed.

"those traitors were once your brothers," you said. hongjoong's thumb brushed along your skin, to the edge of your lip, and it lingered there. his eyes flickered over your face, as if he were committing your face to memory.

"we are no longer kids, y/n." he murmured, "i don't need them."

but his voice cracked at the last word, and the fire in his eyes dimmed.

he said, "but i need you."

you were something-and-twenty again, and you might have loved him.

"i don't need you," you said, pushing his hand from your face. the rain grew heavier, colder.

"i loved you, y/n."

he'd never said it before.

your fingers trembled, even as you observed hongjoong for a long moment. his blonde hair stuck to his face, and his scars were bright against his skin. his eyes were wild, desperate almost. he'd lost everything, and only then did he return to find you. only then.

you shook your head, "no, you didn't."

he only ever wanted you to rely on him. to need you, to control you. perhaps he loved you once, in his own way, but it was not the kind of love you'd ever needed or wanted or could accept.

hongjoong's jaw clenched. he looked up at the clouds, and rain dripped down his face. a softer part of you might have imagined that he shed tears then. but it was just the rain.

"i tried to," hongjoong said.

then he grabbed you by the jaw, his grip rough, painful. you gasped as he lifted you from your feet, as his grip tightened and you could not breathe.

his eyes were black with wild fire and indifference and something else, and you struggled in his grip. you thought then, that you could just give up, let him win, let him take the strength of the sun from you as he meant to when you were four-and-ten and you first spoke out of turn to him.

or you could fight back.

you could let the rage that had filled you since you stepped onto the shores of king's landing fill you to the brim. the rage you felt when you were four-and-ten, and seven-and-ten, and twenty, and something-and twenty. the years only added fuel to a monster in your stomach that was crying to escape a long, long time ago. you were four-and-ten again, not scared of death, and full of rage.

you kicked him, and his grip loosened as he let out a gasp of pain. his grip loosened enough for you to be able to bite the hand gripping your face. he shouted. the shout was drowned out by the wind. you reached inside your boot, pulling a dagger one of the village women had given you ("just in case," she whispered as she slipped it into your pocket) from its depths. you held it in front of you. your hands did not shake. you'd beat him once during sword training. you could do it again.

hongjoong gripped his bleeding hand as he stared at the knife in your hand. his gaze flickered from the knife to your face, back and forth, back and forth.

you said, "you never once thought of anyone but yourself, hongjoong, and now you're alone. no one wants you, and everyone wants to kill you, and it was all because of you. this is all your own undoing."

rage descended upon hongjoong like a wave crashing upon the shore. he lunged at you. you slashed at his lunging hand. you missed. he tackled you. you both tumbled into the ground. rocks dug into your skin. you scratched at him with your nails. he scratched you right back. your grip remained tight on the knife.

he trapped you beneath him, locking both your hands above your head with his

hongjoong's blond hair fell from his bun, tickling your face as he bent over you. his blood smeared your face, your skin.

he bit out, "say it again. i dare you."

"you are your own undoing," you spat.

he reached for the knife in your hand. you bucked. you flipped the two of you over. you landed on top of him, the knife pressed to his throat, one of his hands pressed underneath him, your knee on top of the other.

his eyes were black with rage. he said, "do it."

you hesitated. still, despite everything, you hesitated.

hongjoong laughed. he threw his head back in the dirt and laughed and laughed, and you punched him across the face, but he continued to laugh, his lip bleeding.

he laughed and laughed and he said, "what a pair we are, y/n."

"y/n!" the shout of your name pulled you from the red rage you were seeing. you'd pressed the knife into his throat enough to draw blood, but you could not push it further. you could not kill him, and he lay there beneath you reveling in the fact.

you stood, stepping away from hongjoong. he merely laid there, even as mingi stepped closer, his eyes flickering between you, hongjoong, and his dragon.

hongjoong pushed himself to his feet, covered in blood, and he turned to mingi. you only noticed then that hongjoong had a sword at his hip that he had never drawn. he could have drawn it whenever he wanted, yet it remained sheathed, just as dragon remained forgotten.

you did not want to think of whether he could not do it either. you did not want to believe it a possibility with him, not when he had his hands around your throat with the intention to kill just a few moments ago.

mingi drew his sword, his brows furrowed as he spoke, "what is going on, hongjoong?"

hongjoong's hand went to the hilt of his sword, but he did not draw it. his eyes flickered to you, before he rested his gaze on mingi. he said, "i am going to reclaim the throne."

mingi did not falter, did not respond.

hongjoong continued, "i will die."

mingi did not falter.

hongjoong nodded, before he turned away, blood dripping from his hand wound as he made his way to his dragon.

the two of you watched as he walked away. as he pulled himself up on his dragon, and ascended into the grey clouds.

he walked away, as he always did.

as soon as his dragon disappeared, mingi dropped his sword and turned to you. the clatter of steel against rocks and dirt felt as loud as thunder.

mingi knelt before you. only then did you realize you'd sunk to your knees.

mingi asked, "can i touch you?"

you nodded, a stilted movement.

he reached for the knife you still gripped, prying it from your hands, and then he gently wrapped his arms around your form.

you said, "he will die."

"yes."

"i am sorry."

"why?"

"he was your family."

"he was supposed to be yours, too, y/n."

you sobbed into mingi's shoulder, and he shook with his own sobs, and you knew that a part of you would die alongside hongjoong when he landed in king's landing. you'd both swore an oath, and despite everything, you almost loved him once.

[theotherbuckley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @nmcggg @underwaterninja13 @saybiwithme @your-catfish-friend @jesuisici33 @cal-daisies-and-briars @perfectlysunny02 @hippolotamus @wikiangela @smilingbuckley @diazsdimples @dangerpronebuddie @tizniz

How many works do you have on ao3?

18

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

92,593 !

3. What fandoms do you write for?

9-1-1 currently (previously criminal minds and lucifer)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos:

1. Because You're Exhausting 10K words (917 kudos) 2. Pancakes, kisses, and a little bit of TLC 4.8K words bucktommy (890 kudos) 3. I'll Take Care of You 5.1K words | buddie (879 kudos) 4. Cow Eyes 2.2K words | buddie (720 kudos) 5. Tripped and Fell 5.8K | buddie | E (464 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes💜 i try to respond to them all but sometimes i forget and then i feel bad because i get another comment and i cant respond to it because i didn't respond to the previous one but by then an extend period of time has passed and i feel weird about replying to the previous comment so i stop responding... oops.. also that time i go a few hate comments and it made me stop responding to comments on that fic

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Because You're Exhausting - uhhhh this is depression in 10K words its so fucking sad and you will need tissues and most of the comments on this fic are people telling me they cried so... yeah sorry about this (read the tags please for the love of god read the notes there's a lot of trigger warnings)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

There are quite a few with good happy endings but I'm especially fond of Cow Eyes i think its silly and cute

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah kinda - Because You're Exhausting has got a few mostly about the ending which i to an extent can understand but if you're going to be triggered by something please for the love of god READ THE WARNINGS IN THE NOTES - i don't wanna spoil everything but the tags on its own should have been enough to go hey maybe i should read the notes too asjkdaj so yeah a few hate comments on that

9. Do you write smut?

Yes! didn't for the longest time but yes yes I do :)

10. Craziest crossover?

I don't write crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope i think if i ever did id be so honoured I'd cry

13. Have you co-written a fic before?

currently writing one with @diazsdimples <3

14. All time favorite ship?

Buddie!!! (but I am really enjoying bucktommy atm)

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Healing fic is killing me rn - I may write a lot lot of angst but seeing buck so happy on my screen is making me struggle to write depressed buck but I will write it but also uni is killing me rn. this fic is over 17K so far with no end in sight so is by far my longest which I think is why its so hard

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at writing depressing shit

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Like the rest? Idk I struggle with dialogue tags and switching from dialogue to prose I think

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I love it but too scared to do it because I just speak English. But I love pet names etc in other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

I think Sherlock bbc on wattpad when I was a kid and then Lucifer first on ao3. Looking back these are pretty trash idk what I was thinking but we all start somewhere.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hmmm good question. Even though Because You're Exhausting is so sad I really do like it. Also running from myself (and the memories of you) (12K) which is also depressed!Buck but it's lighter and has a happy ending. Also both my chronic pain!Buck fics make me happy. Idk this is hard I can't choose.

I won't tag anyone since most people have done it but if you wanna do it then consider this your tag!

[scoops404]

Casual reminder that to know the true amount of reviews an author get on ao3 you need to !

Divide the number of comments by the number of chapters (ex : 24 reviews for a 8/8 chapters story is 3 reviews)

Divide that number by 2 for the author's answers (so 1-2 reviews by chapters)

Big numbers are often just inflated, in particular for big stories ! There are never too much comments

(I know you know as a writer but your public is the more susceptible to care about leaving reviews. Also, would anyone be interested about a guide on how to write a review bc I know it's something people get stuck on)

Hi!

There's a few things I want to talk about in this ask, and I realize that you absolutely mean well, but trying to do breakdowns of comments or even kudos vs hits or anything like that is kind of... against the spirit of fanfiction? I think that's the best way to phrase it.

Comments don't get divided up evenly between chapters. Not necessarily. As a story picks up momentum, more people discover it and comment. Sometimes an author will drop all three chapters at once and people will only comment on the last one, etc. Some authors don't respond to comments, or are perpetually behind on them, so diving by two doesn't really work there. There's many reasons this doesn't shake out entirely.

But, moreover, I really want to encourage readers (and nonwriters I guess, more accurately) to realize that it doesn't matter how many comments a fic does or doesn't have. If you liked it and you feel led, then you should leave a comment. Obviously it's not necessary (and there are days where I'm brain-dead and I don't have the mental capacity), but comments on a fic are better than gold to writers.

There's not a magic number that means you have to leave a comment, or on the flip side, this fic has *enough* comments so I don't need to leave one. The spirit of fanfiction is that it's a fan service someone takes time to craft to share with the fandom, and you can encourage them to do it more by writing some nice words about their story.

Imagine spending hours and hours of your time working on something, thinking about it in the shower, talking to your friends about how to make it better, researching things online to make it better, editing down words, and when you go to share that--silence.

Comments are the lifeblood of fanfiction writers, it's how we know we're doing something that people like. Fanfiction is what keeps fandoms going when the source material dries up or goes on hiatus.

It's so so important to let writers know you like what they're putting out, or one day they might just stop. There is a point when we as writers get little to no feedback and start thinking, "What's the point? No one is reading this anyway." (This happened to me in the Dan and Phil fandom years ago). Now, I have a healthy view of my stories and I write for myself and my close friends (which is why i have such batty stories), but if my close friends didn't even want to read what I was writing, I'd just stop.

I've been very very blessed with a comment section in my time here in the DNF fandom. I've made friends through my comments, including a new IRL friend -- hi @czargasm.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be so preachy or single you out or anything. I think a comment guide would be really really lovely and something that could help a lot of people who would be willing to leave more comments if they had an idea of what to say.

As a writer, my favorite kind of comments to get are 1) in depth analysis, but of course that's a lot so, equally loved are 2) the "i was doing X thing when I saw you dropped a chapter so I ran here" and 3) "I made myself a treat to read this update" comment - extra points if you tell me what the treat was 4) A line you particularly liked or a story it reminds you of, etc.

Thank you for giving me a vehicle to apparently preach about comments. I guess I had a lot to say. Oops.

From the bottom of my heart, writers love comments. Nothing will make us write faster or better than knowing people are into out stories.

[lazywolfwiccan]

This is Our World: 4

@axelwolf8109 @atiny-angel @thebejeweledwatercat @taechnology777 @greek-freak101 @epickiya722

Credit to whoever made this awesome gif!

Derek woke up with a gasp, hearing his true name come from.... someone. "Kal"

The only people who knew were the Hales and Stiles, no one else.

He sighed and laid back down, pulling Stiles into his arms. Stiles whined in his sleep and settled.

------

"Welcome to Smallville high" Derek grinned at Scott and Jackson. "This is worse than grounding us" Jackson hit his twin on the back of his head.

Derek shook his head fondly and went into the office to finish the paper work to transfer them. "Remember what Papa said, no powers asswipe"

"Language" Derek said when he came back out. "Come on, I got something I want to show you" He drove them back to the farm and waited for the two to get out of the truck.

"What is it-" Derek grabbed them and flew off. "Holy shit!"

Jackson clung to their father, Scott closing his eyes tightly. Derek tightened his grip and flew down slowly. "Welcome to the Fortress of Solitude boys"

Scott opened one eye when they landed on solid ground. "So this is why you told us to dress warm" Jackson shivered.

Derek ruffled his hair and walked to a console, typing a few things. "Guys, meet your grandfather, Jor-El"

Scott's eyes widened and Jackson's jaw dropped. Jor-El looked like a near perfect vision of their father, albeit older.

"My son" He said firm but gently. "Father, these are your grandsons, Jackson and Scott. They came into contact with platinum kryptonite and I believe it gave them Kryptonian abilities, I need to know if that's possible"

Jor-El nodded. "It is possible my son, many Kryptonians gained powers from accidentally coming into contact with platinum kryptonite, now the powers aren't the same. What do they have?"

Scott cleared his throat. "I think I'm invulnerable, pipes landed on me and my brothers and no one was hurt" "Super scream?" Jackson shrugged.

Derek sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Eli, Eli's probably got powers too"

"Oops" "You two are so grounded"

"Dad!" "That's not fair!"

"One more thing, I heard someone say my name last night, my true name..." Jor-El thought about that.

"I do not know what to say about that Kal-El, but know that they may be or may not be an ally"

Derek nodded and turned it off. "As you can see, he's not that much help" Jackson hugged him, Scott joining in.

Derek kissed Jackson's head and held his sons close. "You're both still grounded" "Dad!" "Oh come on!"

[teasodium]

Specific species Usagi!!

that i completely forgot to post here oops

had too many thoughts about different types of rabbits affecting character design and did too much research! like; what of gigantic Usagi!! what of absolute fluffball Usagi!!! SO i went down a rabbit rabbit hole hohoh

most devastating bit of knowledge i kept coming across though was recomendations for pet owners to get 2 or more rabbits cause they are social creatures and are happiest when living in pairs...

if you want more ramblings theres more sourced research on these 4 breeds below-

Belgian hare is an actual rabbit species! wild how names are like that. They're known as a 'fancy' breed cause they were purposely bred to look like a hare- not through crossbreeding rabbits n hares though. Unfortunately because of this pedigree-ness they're not the most... sturdy and hate humidity or heat. They're essentially made to look rugged and wild but are very much showponies but their speed is nothing to be sniffed at. Poor fellas are nervous lil guys but surprisingly intelligent and can be trained to walk on leashes. Very inch-a-resting to think about for Usagi if one wanted to show I suppose the side of him being the son of the village magistrate when growing up?

Little... little lionhead. Compact! Little bodies!! But big ears!!! Another Belgian origin that is believed to be a cross between Netherland Dwarf and Swiss Fox rabbits. So small they be, so much so to be considered a toy breed. They can have two types of manes: single mane (short, less bushy, gets outgrown) or double mane (vEry bushy n big, stays forever). Very very affectionate and high maintenance because of hair. Also quite smart and can be trained like the Belgian hare. The lionhead getting trained/raised by a lion... need I say more.

BIG! The Continental Giant rabbit (aka Conti) do be big. Very docile in nature and smart and bIG!! Apparently they can develop dog-like behaviour if handled as a baby. Prone to spinal injuries though because of BIG :( . Prone to wander with 'low activity levels.' They curious, they nooosy. Contis also are the rabbits with biggest ears!!! Unlike their cousins the Flemish Giant, Contis have more of a thick, dense fur that needs more careful grooming. Nothing of note to add to compare to Usagi lore other than it would be funny if he was huge sdfbkb-

Another big one but not as big but the English Lop Rabbit! Very pretty!! Loose ears that dangle with male ones being longer than female. Alas, fancy ears means its harder for them to be very active so they're easy going by nature. Also has the longest ears!!! This one I see less as Usagi cause of how active he be but, at the same time, it could lean hard into his nickname of 'longears' and make it more impressive how as a ronin his ears stay long. The breed's characterised as being so calm n curious that it is regarded as the 'god of the rabbit world.' Good for them.

Sources 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

[otomefiend]

Victor

Story Event: Black Wedding (part 2)

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

We finally learn more juicy stuff about Victor, though it's still very vague. He sure is hawt when he threatens people.

~~Part 1~~

Having the freedom to do as we pleased, we spent our time leisurely, playing a couple of lovers.

―― or that's how it was supposed to look on the surface; avoiding prying eyes, Victor and I explored the inside of Amour's headquarters.

In this way, we learned two things.

One, that the bodies of the missing lovers were hidden in the basement.

Two, the believers were not involved, and the guru was the sole culprit.

Victor: "Kate, I got you some scones and pastries. And some wine!"

Victor: "I know it's daytime, but shall we have some?"

Kate: "Hehe, I can be persuaded to have a sip. Cheers."

(The only thing that keeps my heart from sinking when I sense the presence of death around me is that Victor is beside me like this)

Victor: "Just now, some of the girls were making bouquets for our wedding tomorrow."

Kate: "Really? Even if it's a fake wedding, it's a happy one."

Victor: "Hey, Kate."

Victor: "Do you want to get married one day?"

He asked me the way someone would say good morning or good night,

It was a natural and soft question, as if it were the continuation of a daily conversation.

(Do I want to get married one day, huh...?)

~~Part 2~~

Kate: "I'm not obsessed with the details of the ceremony itself, but the idea of ​​marriage is certainly appealing."

Kate: "I think it'd be lovely to wear a wedding dress and say the vows..."

Kate: "Apologies, that's not a particularly witty answer."

Victor: "No, it's wonderful. I might tear up if I see you like this one day."

As he laughed, a light breeze ruffled his hair.

Victor: "Before I went on this mission, I wondered why people get married."

Victor: "As you said yourself, marriage is a ceremony that binds people together, right?"

Victor: "Still, why do so many lovers want that?"

Kate: "And what's your answer?"

Victor: "I see marriage as a promise to enjoy the future together."

Kate: "Promise...?"

Victor: "Life isn't all about fun. Sometimes, it can be painful and sad."

Victor: "...you remember that too, don't you?"

When I nodded, his eyes became soft.

Victor: "But even on such days, we can walk holding hands. Thinking about the good times that will surely return someday."

~~Part 3~~

(...Let’s wait for good times together, huh? That’s nice; it’s a very Victor-like way of thinking)

Victor was a genius at making good times happen.

He always brightened up the place, got people involved, and made them smile.....a larger-than-life kind of person.

However, I didn't think there was anyone who could just have fun in life.

Victor's fun must have been imbued with various pasts and experiences...

Kate: "Umm..."

Victor: "Yes?"

Kate: "Victor, do you ever share your pain and hardships with anyone?"

Victor: "Regrettably, as you can see, I don't have a lover and I'm not married. Look, my hand is still free, isn't it?"

He waved his hand and smiled.

Victor: "―― but I'm fine."

(...?)

Victor: "Because I, you see dear Kate, I may have tasted enough pain and suffering to last a lifetime."

Victor: "That's why I'm tired of being trapped by such things."

Victor: "That's why I am strongest right now! Oops, these scones are exquisite. Try them, Kate."

Kate: "Y-yes! Oh, that's true.... so fluffy!"

Victor: "Aren't they? I wonder what was added to make them like this. Let's ask later."

I was aware of the sudden change in the conversation, but pretended not to notice.

I was sure Victor knew about it.

Victor: "Right, Kate. I'm going to do one thing at the wedding tomorrow."

Kate: "And that being?"

Victor: "Will you lend me your ear?"

~~Part 4~~

Victor: "Right, Kate. I'm going to do one thing at the wedding tomorrow."

Kate: "And that being?"

Victor: "Will you lend me your ear?"

Victor: "―― let's lie."

~~~

The next day, Victor and I were standing in the chapel where the wedding was to take place.

As for my jet-black wedding dress ―― I wasn't wearing it.

A man with a veiled face walked to the altar.

―― when he looked around, he gasped.

Guru: "... Why is there no sign of my precious followers?

Victor: "That's because they were charmed by my words and believed me."

Guru: "...wh-at?"

Victor: "I told them the wedding was postponed until the afternoon."

Guru: "Even so, someone should have noticed something's wrong. ........ Huh."

Kate: "We added sleeping pills to everyone's breakfast, just in case."

Guru: "...!"

Kate: "Rest assured, I got them from an acquaintance, who used to be a doctor. They should be awake in a few hours."

Guru: "Who are you..... police? Or..."

He pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at us.

Before I could brace myself, Victor hid me behind his back.

(...Victor?)

Victor: "For a man who professes eternal love, pointing a gun at others without hesitation... is like admitting to being a murderer."

Guru: "....damn"

Victor: "Ah, there's no point in shooting. You can't kill me that easily."

Victor: "You'll end up being killed by me long before that. Sorry, I'm just that strong."

(...What... is this intimidating feeling)

He was talking as usual, but the air he gave off was extremely sharp.

To the extent that if the man decided to move even one step ―― his life was forfeited."

As if to prove these words, the so-called guru couldn't pull the trigger.

Victor: "Hmm, it would be easy to kill you here, but then it wouldn't be any fun, would it?"

Victor: "Then, shall we have a game?"

Guru: "...a game?"

Victor: "Right, whoever hurts the opponent first wins. You can use that gun, knife, spear, whatever you like."

Victor: "My weapon is ―― let's see if this is enough."

~~Part 5~~

Victor: "Kate, may I borrow your lips?"

Kate: "Huh?"

He smiled and gently run his thumb over my lips.

Now crimson in colour, his finger was stained with the rouge.

Guru: "Eh... you can underestimate me all you want. Just don't regret it after I shoot you dead."

Victor: "I like regret. It allows me to grow as a person."

Victor: "Shall we go then ―― let's start the game."

All I remembered was how Victor's long black hair swayed.

The moment I blinked, the game was already over.

Guru: ".....!"

Victor stood behind the man and ran his thumb along his neck.

Victor: "Yes. And now you're dead?"

His finger left a trail of crimson rouge wherever it touched.

―― As if it were a death sentence.

Guru: "eek...."

Victor: "You're scared, aren't you?"

Guru: "S-sorry... I'm sorry..."

Victor: "It must be terrifying to feel someone taking your life away."

Victor: "―― this is the horror you put so many lovers through."

Guru: "..........ah, ahhh....."

Victor: "Until death comes for you, repent in the depths of darkness."

Then, as if it was a newborn's hand, he struck the man's neck with ease and left him unconscious.

Bemused, I watched the whole story play out before my eyes.

(I thought I needed to protect Victor. But that was a complete misunderstanding.)

(...he is strong. And not just that....)

His familiar profile looked different somehow.

To calm my confusion, I slowly opened my mouth.

Kate: "....What are you going to do with this person?"

Victor: "William will take care of him. We can't have blood all over this place."

―― surely this guy won't be alive in a few hours.

Victor: "All right, that means our mission is now complete."

He clapped his hands to clear the heavy air.

Victor: "But there's one more thing to do."

Kate: "And that is...?"

He smiled, his jewel-like eyes shining.

Victor: "Kate, will you marry me?"

Chapter 3 Bitter

[scandalouslamb]

Hi! I'm new around your ask box, your blog in general, but it's been keeping me so entertained with all the writing for these characters i've never even paid attention to before! Keep up the good work, you got me to be interested in reading the HG novels, haha.

Anyway, since you recently published work on Dr. Gaul I feel like this would be the most appropriate time to talk about it. I don't know if you've ever explored this concept before, or if someone has already mentioned it to you or if it's just common knowledge in the fan base, but the fact that Dr. Gaul hadn't considered Coriolanus' proposal of 'getting people attached to the tributes' for the past 9 editions is so fascinating? It's such a basic concept in writing, people will want more out of something they care for—usually and especially characters— that it boggles my mind that it wasn't something she considered before (though, to her credit, applying fiction logic to a gore fest reality show does seem pretty unconventional. Or maybe it's a case of Oops! Missed something obvious!).

It makes me wonder a couple of things about her and her worldview. She spends the entire movie (and I assume, the book) harping on about humanity's inherent savagery, yet she considered that empathy and sentimentality could get in the way of what's allegedly biological? Is that why she saw Snow as so promising? Because on top of proving her right he proved that even human kindness can be weaponized to favor violence?

I'm so sorry for the long ask I ended up rambling too much but i thought you'd be the only person in the fanbase at the moment who'd engage in Dr. Gaul discussion lol!

Oh, hello, anon! Welcome! Always happy to answer asks, no matter the length! Feel free to ramble!

Also with the exception of Gaul, there might be a good reason no one pays attention to the characters that I talk about (I basically made most of them up)! But I appreciate the interest! The novels are great! While I do fixate on minor characters, I do try and align what I write with the themes and ideas the novels explore, so there's still plenty of appeal to them! Just don't expect the Ravinstills to be a really big part of them lol (Gaul discussion under the cut)

To me, Volumnia doesn't seem like the type to care if people watch the Games. Like I know she reacts like this in the book:

Dean Highbottom shot Dr. Gaul a look. “You see? It’s a failed experiment.” “It is if no one watches!” she snapped back. She gave Coriolanus an indulgent smile. “He’s a child himself. Give him time. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Well, I’m off to visit my mutts.” (Ch. 4)

But to me, I think it only starts mattering to her, because there's this implication that if they don't start raising viewership (or having some more concrete worth to the Capitol), then the Games will end, and she would hate for her little experiment annual art installation to be taken down. I think part of the reason that she doesn't come up with getting people attached to the Tributes is that she gets tunnel vision. She doesn't understand why no one can see her thesis statement. The worth of the Games is self-explanatory to her because of her worldview. How can she get people to see what should be obvious? The Games for her are the point in themselves— her little microcosm of the world reflecting her ideology. If the people don't understand the message right in front of them, then they're fools.

Volumnia Gaul, in my mind (and like many people in the Capitol), is a hypocrite. She'll say that humanity is inherently savage and then close her eyes to any signs of empathy and compassion happening around her (and in her Games). I think that she latches onto Snow, because she sees the seeds of ambition and the desperation of someone on a shorter leash than most in him. He's the perfect candidate for someone she can mold into understanding her worldview (and I think he reminds her of President Ravinstill, but that's fully me taking vague subtextual friendship between her and Pres. R and turning it into a whole thing). I also think that Crassus Snow being someone who used his best friend to get ahead and also was likely fully okay with an idea like the Hunger Games, plays a part in her initial interest in Snow. (Also in the above quote? I love that she's already got an eye on him! "I have a good feeling about this one." ehjtkrhjk)

I think Snow's weaponizing of empathy is actually very appealing to her like you say! I think she sees it as a way to rationalize acts of kindness and sentiment as something rooted in her idea of humanity's inherent violence! She gets to use him as a case study for that even if not all his kindness was a way to get ahead. Her whole worldview maintains itself through confirmation bias, and I think what she thinks of Snow is no different. She actively shapes him, and then probably turns around and goes "see that? human nature."

Anyway, I hope I answered all your questions! Once, I start typing I get a little lost, so if you'd like elaboration or clarification or just have another question, let me know!

And as always, these are, of course, just my two cents. There's definitely many ways to interpret Gaul and just everything.

I am also surprised that there isn't more discussion on Volumnia though... Like there are a few others, who contemplate her as well, but I thought there would be more. Anyway, thanks for the ask again, anon!

[teddykaczynski]

i really dont know what to do about a situation............ i cant figure out if ive lost interest in someone or the actual answer is that im mentally ill. or a third thing. but basically, more than a week ago im pretty sure i split on boysweetie. which is also the first time i can recall splitting on an irl romantic entanglement. other times i have, it was an online relationship. and its now become really hard for me to spend time around him. not all the time, there are times when i feel warm and fine and im enjoying myself but im much grumpier, irritable, impatient, just hard to be around and unpleasant. and i dont like how my behavior impacts him and i also dont like how it impacts myself, i hate knowing im acting this way it makes me feel so terrible that im so avoidant of that feeling that its enough for me to want to end it. but the split wasnt that long ago, so its possible ill feel less critical and harsh and more open and accepting soon. in which case it would suck to end things prematurely. but also, my grumpiness may not be bpd. every time its been really Bad it could also be blamed on being hangry or nicotine withdrawal. but but also, i do feel like the relationship wont... last.

reasons being: 1. personal differences, the fire and earth stuff. 2. i should find it and watch the interview but there was a john waters post i saw recently where he was saying in a relationship you never want to be the one that likes/loves the other person more since its the more vulnerable position and he said some other things too but thats stuck with me and i feel like ive often been the one who cared more. but im pretty sure he cares more. so on one hand thats flattering and a little exhilarating but it also makes me feel gulity and uncomfortable. uncomfortable because im like textbook anxious attachment and a whole part of my process is like... idk basically convincing the other person to love me. when theyre open and interested right away im like. well you know nothing about me so how do you know you like me. 3. he has bad breath. and i told him i think this. oops. its not a hygiene thing he brushes often but ive noticed it. and my mistake was telling him this right after i said i was thinking of canceling our sleepover and going back home. once we both calmed down he brushed his teeth again and asked if the smell was gone and it wasnt but what was i supposed to say? the truth? like. perhaps it was cowardly and wrong of me to lie but i had already really hurt his feelings. and as i was beginning to write this post in my head way before i got to this part it made me think of a seinfeld bit of like. george asking jerry whats the social etiquette for how many dates you need to go on with a woman before ending it after you insulted her appearance in a vulnerable moment. 4. hes in recovery for his weed addiction and im addicted to weed 5. i dont like being at his house because of his tim roommate 6. he straight up told me he would lose attraction to me if i began dressing feminine. so......

[doubleedgemode]

I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.

First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)

Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)

I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)

[amethystdreamer114]

Spoiler Alert 🚨

If you’re on OUAT season 5 you’re safe. If not, I mean I’d still read it but you’re gonna get spoilers🤣 (it’s worth it though 🤫) Also please forgive me if the storyline isn’t exactly how it was in the show… this is sorta just off the top of my head so there could be some things I’ve forgotten🤣

Okay so I just have this thing- you know that scene in OUAT where Gold has a heart attack and then ends up in the hospital with (spoiler alert ‼️) Zelena? And you know how she sent him into a second heart attack and he ended up intubated?

Alright well here’s my thing.

The series went through that WAYYYYY too fast for my taste so let’s engage in a little “Rumple-Whumple” shall we?

First let’s think about the parts we *didn’t* see during that episode (Heart of Gold 4/17).

Rumple is in New York after being forced out of Storybrooke by Belle. When we catch up with him, he’s opening the door to his son’s old apartment and he happens to find Robin and his “family” there. With how quickly he has the heart attack and how little it takes to push him to it, we can only assume that he’s been having “build up” symptoms all day.

So what would that look like?

My idea is that he might’ve been up at 3 a.m. the night before with what he deemed “heartburn,” not recognizing the whole bit about his dark deeds poisoning his heart (or in this world, heart attack symptoms.)

Maybe because of that chest tightness and pressure, he didn’t get much sleep and that took away the time he desperately needed to rest.

So by the time the morning comes, he’s still having pains on and off and he feels exhausted. Perhaps he skips out on breakfast because he just doesn’t feel up to even making something simple.

He goes on about his day, walking the streets of New York… loud traffic, too many people, and of course his leg hurting from being without magic to stop it.

Of course he’s got Belle’s voice in his mind- he replays the moment she sent him away over and over and over until he realizes his chest is really starting to hurt.

He makes his way to Bae’s apartment, hoping he can just rest there for a bit before getting back to finding his way back to Storybrooke.

That’s when he finds Robin and the others.

The longer he stands there arguing with Robin, the more he feels lightheaded, the more the room spins, the more his anxiety spikes and the pain in his chest runs rampant…

Then, he blacks out.

Moving on to the hospital…

When Rumple wakes up, his head hurts from the fall, and his body is sore all over from the heart attack.

Now, he feels even more exhausted and pained, but *vulnerable.*

No one who he can trust is here. He’s lying in a cold hospital room in an uncomfortable bed with stiff blankets and an IV in his arm. He misses Belle now more than ever because he knows if she were there, she’d be by his side, tending to him and making sure he felt cared for and loved.

Alas, he’s here with the Honorable Thief himself, and so he acts big and bad when asking for the magic he needs to get back home.

While he waits for Robin to get back, he’s alone with his thoughts. He imagines being back home with Belle. He can practically smell her homemade bread he loves so much. He can feel the soft, slightly worn blankets around him. He hears her sweet voice saying she’ll be there in just a minute.

When Robin finally returns, he drinks the potion, thinking he’ll be healed immediately. This is where it gets interesting….

He realizes nothings changed. He’s still in pain, he’s still tired, he still feels like he’s made of lead and moving is impossible.

Soon enough he’s discovered that Zelena is right in front of him.

He knows she wants to kill him, or worse, use him for something. The more she talks, the more pressure he feels settling in his chest. His heart rate skyrockets and he feels like he can’t breathe… then, those words…

“You failed…oops.”

He can’t take it. The pain, the anxiety, the everything… his heart gives in a second time, leaving the monitor going wild as his vision fades.

He wakes up stiff, cold and pained once again. He feels the softness of a cool towel on his head and leans into it slightly before realizing it’s not Belle who is tending to him.

Despite how sore he is, he does everything in his power to scoot away from Zelena, but being intubated and weak makes it much harder.

He doesn’t like the feeling of being intubated at all, but there’s nothing he can do. He’s at the mercy of the medical staff and Zelena.

His throat feels sore and scratchy, and he wants nothing more than to be curled up in Belle’s arms, drinking a warm cup of tea.

Sadly, that doesn’t happen. He gets another threat from Zelena- putting him in the position of choosing good or choosing to live without constant pain…

He couldn’t help it. He blinked.