#i think its where my communication problems come from. be we dont talk about anything ever.

[bluebellhairpin]

Had a nice heart to heart with my sister that basically summed up that as soon as I stop needing to care for my grandparents we will need to start caring for our parents, and that I have zero mental boundaries set for what my handling threshold is.

[kmmachilles]

heres the list of my favourite shadowhunter couples from all the series (not including twp for obvious reasons) bc i cant sleep

TID: Gideon n Sophie. I KNOW KNOW EVERYONE LOOVES HERONGRAYSTAIRS I DO TOO THEYRE MY HEART ND SOUL but gideon n sophie man. cmon. theres sweet hurt sophie that thinks men like gideon r assholes bc of her former employers son and will, and gideon REINFORCES that by constantly talking in spanish while hes actually absolutely down BAD for sophie. she thinks shes not good enough for him, her being a mundane 'servant' and 'ugly' from her scarred face and him being the eldest son carrying the great shadowhunter lightwood name. and then hes just there ordering scones to his room just to see sophie, and ending up stashing them under the bed bc he doesn't even LIKE them. and pretty, smart sophie, although FURIOUS at first, goes 'so yea u dont like scones. what about SPONGE CAKES???????? THEYRE MY SPECIALTY' and then he falls so in love with her and proceeds to tell everyone hes marrying her before even proposing to her. i love them.

TLH: Alastair n Thomas. i love love love them not only their pair but them as separate characters too. esp bc the two didnt have the kind of shit the other ships had to deal with like james n cordelia were 'OH HE LOVES GRACE BUT I LOVE HIM / OH I LOVE GRACE BUT IM MARRIED TO CORDELIA / I SHOULD RUN AWAY W MATTHEW / fuck im in love with cordelia.' and lucie n jesse were like 'IM IN LOVE W A GHOST WHO'S THE SON OF A WOMAN WHO HATES MY FAMILY / shes only in love w me bc im a ghost and she likes writing stories so im one of her stories SHE DOESNT REALLY LOVE ME BUT I LOVE HER BUT IM A GHOST SO I CANT *REALLY* LOVE HER PROPERLY LIKE SHE DESERVES' and ari and anna were like 'OH I LOVE HER BUT I WANT KIDS SO I'LL MARRY CHARLES WHO, BTW, IS GAY :3 / OH I LOVE HER but im a stony heartbreaker women, lock your daughters and then yourselves im coming after you / oh my god i cant marry charles I LOVE YOU ANNA TAKE ME BAACK / ha! im stony heartbreaker.' and we all know the problem w matthew n cordelia, and alastair and charles AND grace and christopher (my heart stopped beating i swear to you). like i know Alastair and thomas definitely HAD to overcome some shit but Thomas KNEW he liked guys and alastair and alastair was pr sure about it too so when they got together, they GOT together ykwim??? no hanky panky. plus theres also the 'thomas-is-basically-michelangelos-david' so yea. no brainer. theyre my fav.

TMI: Alec and Magnus. okay so this is for both obvious reasons (fan favourite) and some other personal ones. Living where i do, i had no idea you could like the same gender as yourself or ltr anything about the LGBTQ+ community at all. These two were the first gay ship i had EVER read and they are what lead me to be as confident in my sexuality as i am right now. they introduced me to the concept of thinking beyond what i was told or shown by the people that surround me and look into the world the right way, without projecting judgement. i love them for that. theyre my comfort characters and the one of the biggest reasons i am who i am right now. also magnus is pr much why i adore glitter and i manage to put it on my face every other day ahaha

TDA: Diana n Gwynn. a very, very close second is Mark n Cristina n Keiran. but about Diana and Gwynn, they literally have my entire soul im not even kidding you. Gwyn is the first person Diana opens up to about her transition and its honestly so heartwarming that Gwyn, the leader of the Wild Hunt, known to be vicious and feared by faerie, is literally just there for her to lean on. He supports her and is so, so calm and soft with her it genuinely melts me. like, this man is basically the reaper of souls and he rides a magnificent steed into the night but hes so gentle with Diana. obviously my obsession w them is reinforced by the fact that the FIRST time Gwynn sees Diana he goes 'O' and is all like 'HELLO my fair lady beautiful one gorgeous strong lovely lady' and gives her an acorn like 'call me ;)' and diana my love just, THROWS the acorn to julian and emma and goes 'do w that whatever u will' and acts like she doesnt care and when they call on gwyn he comes to help nd immediately goes '...THAT WASNT FOR YOU but ig i'll help bc ur the magnificent lady's brats :/'

so yes thats it. now pls, whatever fucking ghost is haunting me with these thoughts, PLEASE LET ME SLEEP

[identitty-dickruption]

here for questions as it was invited by your post, and thank you because this topic is important to me i want to focus this on addiction but i want to admit that as a full grown adult who went to collage for psychology, worked in special needs and nursing homes so has seen a wide array of neurodivergencies in very intimate and real ways, AND as someone who has adhd and is partners with someone who was a higher needs autistic in their school days- i feel like i dont fully understand the strict differences between terms like i want to and the grey area really dose make my head spin often but in regards to addiction and how i experience it differently because in a way i feel an almost "immunity" with how my executive dysfunction can translate to "not able to maintain a pattern regardless if it is a constructive habit or addiction" watching my father struggle with alcoholism and it really takeing its always sunny to wake up to the fact that he even was one, i really want to understand what it means to be addicted better is it defined by its sunk cost? emotional emptiness? the damage done outward to others? or is it just the pattern. the way that i experience a hyper fixation with my adhd feels distinctive enough to prove that i can differentiate the two concepts per the entire point of your post, and then there are just paradigm shifts like how the only thing ive been accused of being addicted to has been "the computer" 20 years ago when we still had dial up. but ive been a strong advocate to how web designs especially for cell phones play into addictive tendencies with the biggest being short form content with the slot machine endless scroll feature. so the dangers TRUE addiction poses a unique threat in the attention economy functions today with tec and also how easy it is to get trapped in a social bubble making traditionally understood as addictive substances form even more tight knit communities to enable people and never realize they could be helped. its a problem i want to be vigilant of in myself and always help those i love through where it comes so i hope this message wasnt too long or overbearing i just am glad to see someone who knows firsthand about it who might be willing to talk more about it for education.

okay I finished answering this only for tumblr to reload and lose my progress so sorry if this comes across as overly abrupt. I’m not upset at you but I sure am upset at tumblr!

addiction is a complicated and multi-faceted issue. it’s not just the frequency of substance use and it’s not just the impact to life, it’s a lot of different things all at once. addiction tends to be broken into three parts: physical dependency, emotional dependency, and impact on life

physical dependency is your body becoming reliant on the substance. this looks like physical withdrawal symptoms (e.g. the shakes, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, etc)

emotional dependency is the result of extended use of a substance as a coping mechanism. this means that anything the substance was helping to cope with is going to come up in full force (along with added anxiety and anger from not having access to the substance)

impact to life really depends on the person, but this is all the external influences of addiction. struggling with employment, struggling with relationships, struggling to look after yourself and others, etc

all of these things will look different for different people and different substances. I am always wary of people trying to apply an addiction framework to non-substance use addictions. evidence around behavioural addictions is sketchy at best, and just do not have many of the features of addiction that I’ve struggled with the most

out of everything, the mechanisms of addiction are most similar to OCD, but with the additional challenges of physical dependency. for those who don’t know, the obsessive compulsive cycle is:

trigger

intrusive thought

obsessive thinking

compulsive behaviour

it’s a cycle because the more you do the compulsive behaviour, the harder it becomes to cope with that initial trigger in a healthy way. and that’s kinda how addiction functions, too. it just so happens that the compulsive behaviour is substance use. and that’s just not how other behavioural addictions tend to play out

beyond that, we have to consider the ways the word “addiction” is used politically. addiction is heavily stigmatised. addict is seen as a pejorative term, rather than a descriptive one. so even if you could say that phone use is similar in some way to substance abuse….. calling someone an addict for using their phone a lot comes with a lot of baggage and a lot of implications I am deeply uncomfortable with

the terms “phone addict” or “addictive technology” are not literal phrases, they’re metaphors. technology is being compared to substances, and use of that technology is being compared to addiction. and I think everyone needs to have a deep think about why it is that those comparisons are used. until addiction stops being demonised, it is not useful or helpful to be applying an addiction framework to situations where it doesn’t 100% make sense

I hope that helps and makes sense!

[mrs-monaghan]

Thanks for sharing and confirming that my instincts were right. I always tend to trust my gut feelings about people but sometimes I wonder if I should. Well, once again, it seems that I, indeed, should. Now I have to be honest, I never gave much credit to wsj, I ended up unfollowing cause I wasn’t interested in her posts anymore at some point, I really don’t trust people claiming they know stuff about celebrities and posting it on the internet, everybody can pretend to be xyz, unless there’s some solid proof I chose to remain skeptical (I did see a few stuff, tough nothing groundbreaking, from the k-side that I trust though, so maybe she was right). That being said, it’s Tumblr, it’s more private that Twitter, we’re a smaller community, so I don’t see any harm in people sharing what they want to share on their own blog. Just move on and ignore if you don’t like. The campaign against her and other bloggers was disgusting. Let ppl speak on their own tiny corner ffs, if don’t agree you can expose your arguments, have a discussion or unfollow and block. As long as they don’t cross a line I don’t see the problem. I’m seriously done with the holier than thou woke bs attitude. It’s all about virtue signaling these days, showing how you’re so much better and morally pure, and you know everything better than the rest of the plague… give me a break. Also the discussion around jealousy and constant dismissing of k-army and korean dating culture was quite something… because as someone who comes from a country where the dating culture differs a lot with the American/western perspective, where a drop of jealousy and possessivity is considered as a normal display of affection - I’m not talking about excessive and toxic behavior obviously!! - the blatant ignorance and constant undermining of korean dating culture that is quite similar to mine in that regard really annoyed. me. so. freaking. much. It’s deemed as a big no-no in your culture, okay, I get it, but you’re not better than us who thinks that in many cases it’s not that big of deal and, in Jikook case, was quite revealing in the past. Sorry I’m going all over the place, I’ll shut up now!

Ha ha haaa... no, dont even worry about it. Its fine. Thing is though, the Jeonlous/Jimlous thing IS indeed quite exergerrated. Most of the compilations are rubbish. And I can see why most people hate it. Including Regina George. I get that. But it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Especially in the case of other people who are not members. My mind immediately goes to the Sean Mendez interaction. 🤭🤭🤭

(TT is accurate has not been manipulated in any way)

JK almost bulldozed RM and downright ignored him in his rush to get to Jimin. It's actually hilarious 😂😂 Now this can be classified as jealousy. But when it comes to members I don't think that's what that is at all. Annoyance, Irritation, maybe? because he can't do to Jimin what others can. But definitely not jealousy. Either way whatever it is, it happens and denying it is stupid.

As for WSJ I don't see why the notion that an Army personally knows BTS is so hard to believe. Normal people know celebrities all the time. That being said, my issue with everyone who went after her was the hypocrisy. WSJ was very careful not to tell us anything incriminating. And everything else she ever said were things we already knew.

-Jikook is real

-Jikook live together

-Vminkook have issues

Etcetera, Etcetera. These are things we already know. She was just confirming. And she wasn't even worse than us Jikookers. And i said as much to Stormie when she made that shady post. We are the ones talking about Jikook 18+ moments and posting about them. So anyone thinking they have a leg to stand on are being hypocrites. 🖕🏽

[funnier-as-a-system]

do you take asks asking for like. advice?? and if so um. how do you know? just in general but also how do you know that its not all some like. elaborate act that youre putting on to feel special? aside from just "if you feel bad about the possibility of faking you arent faking" because for all you know my guilt is faked too. if you dont accept requests for advice im sorry to have exposed you to this i just genuinely dont know who to ask

We do indeed take asks for advice! We're just really bad at answering them in timely manner, eheh.

I must admit I'm a little confused, because you seem to switch between the possibility of me being wrong about plurality and me being wrong about your plurality, but I shall answer both! (No offense taken to either question, if that was a concern.)

When we first discovered our system, we had a lot of the same fears; probably our biggest one was that we were just making up conversations in our head. It wasn't so much that we feared we were faking as we were worried about being wrong, so we get where you're coming from with usual "you're not faking" sentiments not helping. So what did we do?

We made what we call a proof book!

It doesn't have to be an actual book. A proof book is simply a record, mental, physical, or digital, of signs and symptoms that support your hypothesis of being a system (or, tbh, anything else you're questioning). While all the internal communication/hearing voices signs were dismissible as our imagination, we could not so easily dismiss evidence* such as not feeling in control of our body (depersonalization), uncontrollable accents, or the people around us noticing changes in our personality. Whenever we started doubting ourselves, we'd ask if the doubts had any good arguments, and, if so, we'd compare the arguments to what was written in our proof book. After all, people don't really talk about it, but sometimes the doubts have a point! It's not so easy to dismiss doubts that have a point – but at the same time, it's hard for doubts to adapt their argument against one piece of evidence to a book of evidence.

*now that we think about it, the name "evidence book" might have been better, but that doesn't roll off the tongue as easily.

We still have doubts, occasionally. But between the proof book growing as we do and our lived experience where living as a system has been better for us than living as a singlet with system suspicions, it's a lot easier to combat those fears.

If you're questioning being a system but have some doubts, you can also make a proof book! And in the end, if you find out it's all better evidence for something else that's not plurality, then hey! Look at you, already ready with a proof book to smash any doubts you have about that thing fitting you.

As for the people who come to us in asks, you're right that we can't tell for certain. But tbh, us knowing for certain the details of other people's lives isn't a concern. We're a mentally ill adult with worries like "what jobs are available in our area" and "what if I'm secretly a horrible person"; we don't really like to spend too much time worrying about doubting other people. Believing people at their word about something that doesn't really affect our life too much... it kind of just helps with the whole "leading a happy and healthy life" goal we have, y'know? Rather than scour asks looking for any sign of bad intentions, getting ourselves worked up, and possibly setting off a chain reaction of discourse and offense if we see faking where there isn't any, we just answer an ask and go on with our day. If someone who sends in an ask is faking, that's not our problem. If someone who sends in an ask ends up being wrong about their plurality, that's also not our problem. Our problem is the sheer amount of unanswered asks in our inbox. Of course, we'll do our best to give advice if they come to us looking for it [about their situations], but we're not in the habit of fact checking the lives of our askers. Just brings us down and makes us more fearful and untrusting of other people.

All that really matters is if we feel we did alright when answering their ask, which we really can't do if we just accuse them as faking. You see, even if one of our askers is faking, one of our followers may have a similar question or real experience close to what they made up, and those people may want to hear our response. In those cases, it's better to show compassion and interest for the sake of your audience, wouldn't you agree? By assuming honesty even when what's being said is strange, we create a better environment on this blog for not just ourselves, and not just our askers, but also the rest of our followers. And that's really all we want! We don't like suspecting people and people don't like being suspected – by trusting people on their problems and experiences, even if they sound strange or "faked", we're being kind. (Or at least, we're being open-minded, which is something we strive to achieve.) And kindness is often passed on, even if not by the person receiving it; if we take people by their word, no matter how strange, we inspire others to do the same, which amounts to a more accepting community. Which, personally, I think is much better than a community that accuses others of faking on a whim.

—

This has been rather long, so let's sum it up.

We combatted our fears by creating a record of evidence to support the theory that we're a system.

Never thought I'd say this line that's beginning to sound cliché on the internet, but we have bigger things to worry about than if any random ask in our inbox is from a faker.

Moreover, trying to figure out if people in our inbox are faking would just take a toll on our mental health. So we don't.

We want to be kind, inspire kindness, and make people happy, and an easy way to do that is to make this blog an accepting place where fakeclaiming is off the table.

If someone "tricks us", oh well, oh darn, fiddlesticks, you got me. You are now on par with our pre-teen sibling sneaking out to go steal mangos. Congratulations.

Well, this was a rather long response, but we hope we've been thorough in answering your query, anon!

[pixeljade]

Okay i've tried like 20 times to word this in a way that'll go as gently as possible but I dont think im gonna be 100% successful bc autism, so im just gonna post this and hope yall dont take it in bad faith:

Theres a lot of younger queers (especially AFAB ones) who still hold TERF ideology and the main reason I see them failing to let it go is because they cant embrace sex positivity.

Which like. I kinda get. I mean if I was AFAB and I grew up with creepy toxic masculine dudes constantly sexualizing me while i was still a child, and the pressures of family to reproduce, and all that shit that comes with being AFAB, i'd probably be scared as shit of sex. Heck I'm a *little* scared of it myself since I was sexually assaulted twice before I was 18! But I feel like thats something to fight against, because like...sex is healthy! Sex is good! Sex is the cause of literally all of our lives!!!!

And I'm not saying you have to have sex or anything, god no, I'm on the ace spectrum. I'm saying you have to be normal about sex, because sex is a part of life! Its ESPECIALLY a part of the queer community! And as much as it should be more welcoming to ace people, I also think demanding it be entirely chaste in order to welcome ace people is stupid and selfish and unhealthy.

"So whats this have to do with TERF ideology though?" Well, reader, I'm glad you asked, because "sex is scary" is the first step in the TERF ideology road! It usually goes "sex is scary" -> "men are scary" -> "anything with a penis is scary". And basically every queer person, at least on the surface, is against this. But under the surface, I find it all falls apart, especially amongst AFAB people. AMAB queers are expected to perform femininity to fit in, and almost always if it is the sort of space where femininity is scrutinized, it is expected that the feminine must also be chaste. I feel like thats no accident. It feels like any mention of sexuality from an AMAB person has them thinking about how we have a penis, such a lewd horrible thing, and then its like...instantly we become less womanly to them. They've let their fear tie femininity to a lack of sexuality, which is a TERF idea!

This also is what leads to more censorship of transfem people. As the recent bannings of transfem people on this site continue, I see a lot of posts saying stuff like "You wouldnt have this problem if youd just stop posting sexual content", even being reblogged by supposed allies.

And you might be thinking "well I'm AFAB but I'm trans, so, this doesnt apply to me. Theyre talking about actual TERFs!" And no, you're wrong. I see transmasc people who pull this shit ALL THE TIME. I recently had a transmasc friend cringe and tell me that the fact that I liked Asumi-chan Is Interested In Lesbian Brothels was a red flag because it was "clearly for the male gaze" which is absolutely TERF behavior. I also see a lot of transmasc people being dismissive of transfem fears in the current trans political situation. Its seemingly almost always a specific brand of UwU cottagecore transmasc that does it too, and a few of them I've even caught admitting they "used to be a TERF" which, I'm glad you no longer associate with them, but I'm telling you you still have shit to unlearn. Dont tell me this is out of my lane, either, its no different from if someone pointed out I still had toxic masculinity to unlearn! Which has happened, and I've examined mine. Why do you find it so unreasonable to examine yours?

Anyways thats all for now. Please do better. I shouldnt have to deal with this shit while the government is trying to kill me.

[hivemindscape]

Hello boys!!

I've been getting messages from the kindest people in my inbox, it was killing me to see you upset, so i decided to respond in this way.

I want to hug the crimeboys community. I want to hug you so tightly.

I am genuinely happy for those of you who enjoyed the finale. I envy you, because I did not.

There isn't a chance that I'll ever like it, either, as I've been turning it over and over in my brain relentlessly, reading people's takes when i can make myself to, grappling for a buoy, something to make it okay. In brief moments of the "no thought brain empty" state, I'm fine, but mostly there's intense frustration and confusion. And Big Sad.

In my opinion, this was an awful ending for these two characters. I hate that I'm forced to accept it, so I probably won't.

That being said, I'd rather you didn't message me asking why I'm of this stance, or moreover writing me an essay on why I'm wrong, I dont have the energy or patience to compose a pretty reply to that.

Keep in mind, most importantly, that everyone is entitled to their opinion on this lore, and is free to critize the writing, providing they don't go insulting ccs in their faces. If you see someone making fun of those who are processing their grief in public spaces, understand that the former people are emotionally immature and had poor upbringing. Yes, I said grief. What I've been feeling for the past 3 days was heartbreak and grief, with its physical manifestations. So I'm here to say it's alright if you breathe around a boulder too.

What you have to be doing as part of the fandom is have empathy and respect for people you do not know on the internet. Recognise you have no high ground to dictate what's the right reaction. Introspect a bit if you have an urge to tell someone to "chill": what impact that comment would have, and recognize that there's none. You'd just come across as an asshole.

I was intending to not go on a rant about that, but it's an apparent problem currently which I couldn't not address, as it turned out. You might be thinking "Bro they're speaking so seriously as if someone died". If so, the following should explain it well enough:

Ability and desire to give your heart to something fictional is a valuable, bright, very telling character trait. This is empathy of the highest order. This means one's heart is immense, and strong. Sorry for speaking cliche, but I do want you to read into what I'm saying.

Have you ever felt enveloped in a hug by someone's mere text message, when they said they understand, relate, and support you? This is incredible. You read fics and cry, you look at art and feel warmth in your chest, you talk with other fans and feel connected. This is a gift that we have, to be connected through this fictional story. And the media format that it uses does not matter here, only makes it surprising and unique.

So. You're valid to be satisfied with the ending. You're valid to be unhappy with it. It's valid to be deeply unhappy because of it. These characters meant the world to me. The trust I put in the content creators not to ruin them was immense. I'm currently figuring out where to go from here creatively.

I want to promise hovewer, that I'll do my best to recover from this shit, and bring comfort to you guys with my crimeboys art again. Its largely because of you and your love for my work that I've decided that. But also this fandom is the place where Ive felt the happiest with myself in my whole life. It's insane, I don't want to lose this.

If you have anything you want to send me, any fic or any art, you can dm me on twitter or instagram of the same name as this blog. I'm currently trying to keep distance from dsmp content (key word trying), but if it's something you're passionate about sharing, I'll go and appreciate it as soon as i can. It means a lot to me when you guys share your thoughts and your work with me Q^Q 💜💜💜

Your messages and your tags under the last piece that's blown up, have been a huge comfort to me. A Huge comfort. Thank you so so much for letting me know. I create art cause its the meaning of me, to be influencing people's emotions, leaving a mark, so I'm incredibly happy I could help you feel better in this time, and any other time. 🫂

Thank you guys. And I'm sorry.

[blissfali]

OK i have thoughts to share on yesterdays lore.

well first off Personally the only thing i disliked about the stream was how they talked about cwilbur. it felt very distasteful idk. Like i guess i get it? But they kept treating it like eh was dead and then saying he wasnt dead and was in utah and they talked about him like had committed suicide again im just going to choose to Ignore That Stuff! Ya know . I Did really like the part where ctommy talked to wilbur through the lman shrine i thought that was great tbh. Im incorporating a new HC into my belief system aka whenever tommy sends wilbur letters to utah he puts them in the chest in front of the memorial thing and then somehow they just appear in the gas station. "i havent seen wilbur in months.." Haha dont worry they had a facetime call over communicator yesterday Hahaha. i like that the highlighted how wilbur leaving fucked with tommy's mental health but i HATED like how they basically said Well we brought him back but then he left again so maybe he didnt even deserve to be revived lol. Not a fan !!!

numero dos. When tommy revealed he had been ia for months because he'd been getting addicted to invisibility and hiding in the shadows tbh like the idea of that is horrifying right? Tommy is the guy who stands up and talks to everyone he is not afraid to be out and about and loud But then he gets on invis. suddenly hes in the dark and he is the Watcher. hes always been the initiator of conflicts but now he is the spectator. coupled with this i was thinking about how clingyduo talked about the prison having descended into these era of abandondment, where vines drape over the walls and the exterior and shit, into something awful and unlike the symbol it stood as before as cdream inhabits and lives in it. and tommys descent into something awful and so unlike himself in a cave, a literal crevice filled with vines and rubble as cdream inhabits it (aka in the way that he continues to inhabit tommys mind because of how hes traumatized him and how tommy literally cant even go a day without thinking about him at this point) (cctommy impeccable writer in this regard)

Like the idea of that is awful. i was thinking about how ctubbo asked if ctommy ever watched him while he was on invis and how tommy hesitated. and i think about maybe tubbo caring for michael b in the mansion and tommy watching in the corner just listening to tubbo talk to his son. never speaking to his friend never initiating anything. Just watching. He was only there to watch me[GUNSHOTS i am quickly removed from the premise]

Trois. Also clingyduo wishing things were simple and stuff. talking about how grown up and adult they were. how theyre not kids anymore vs. them making pinky promises throughout the stream. it really just highlights the fact that those two had to grow up incredibly fast on that server but even now they are still KIDS. they can play the part of big scarier warriors but at the end of the day they just wanted to dick around and now its all come to this.

tubbo like "please no invis please no invis!!" to tommy like. Tommy is pushing and isolating himself into this corner where no one can talk to him so he cant be the problem starter again, but tubbo doesnt Want tommy to change, to go down this quiet alienated path. They are best friends and tubbo loves him as he is and he wouldnt change that for anything

i was also thinking about "i just dont wanna be the bad guy" tommy and "tommy, are the bad guys?" wilbur. it almost felt like tommy was answering wilbur's question all the way back then in the now. now that hes experienced now that hes been through hell ya know?

also ill prolly have more thoughts in this later but my last point was tommy determined for copresidency on a nation w tubbo vs. being wilburs right hand man, his vice president, and following him no matter what, and how in the beginning tommy didnt want tubbo to be president because he knew it would dissolve their friendship but if they r president TOGETher well… Clingyduo :(

during tge stream i was thinking YEAHHHH AND TOMMY SHOULD GO TALK TO CRANBOOO WAHHOO!!!! And then i remembered wait a minute ranboo is dead Guys i think i accidentally convinced myself into thinking cranboo never died.Haha whoopsies

[felidaefatigue]

so me n my partner spend a lot of our couch time watching stupid youtube things right. and i have a fuckin rant abt something we watched.

[[MORE]]

And he is a lot more... willing to humor white male shit essentially right. cause hes a white boy. and hes like, pretty leftish mostly, enjoys talking politics and philosophy, is very social, very community oriented. But also is like, rural alberta farm boy and also very openly has some views that are like. "counter" mainstream leftist talking points; which honestly i rarely have problems with and usually agree with the nuances of or at least see where they come from; and im talking like. naunces of gun control and him leaning more anarchist and having issue with some of canadas un issue points- which i generally dont disagree with. like hunters wanting access to rifles that can have more than one shot so they can humanely kill aninals they might not have got a clean shot on. like i can fuck with that logic. Not like. white suprem shit or anything.

ANYWAY. back to the youtube point. so we also both like to watch thing that lean right just to like. keep informed stay out of the trap of insular bubble sometimes. and were watching this one guy who like. honestly generally pretty politically unoffensive, more just vulgar and absurdism. but he did a video about (mainly) women posting videos from the gym painting men in a predatory light, with a lot of emphasis on how illogical and unfair the women are, how the men are "just doing normal if not polite things".

and i have a lot of beef with it. like im genuinely quite angry and started seeing if i could feasibly contact this man to have a more nuanced discussion. which im pretty sure no cause hes p popular and im sure the video is at least to some degree clickbait.

but this idea really gets me. because its one of the misogynist talking points my partner is more vulnerable to as well. like the.. frustration white men feel often of being ostracised, demonised, pushed aside for the sake of other demographics nowadays. and i dont want to sound like i think that is a more important talking point, but its where he often sticks right. like why do they get priority type vibes. But this whole video is predicated on the fact that "oh men cant exist in public without being villainized on the internet" bUT LIKE. THE WOMEN ARE JUST SCARED.

like a lot of the women wERE saying and doing dumb shit. sure. but what men cANT GET THROUGH THEIR FUCKING HEADS. is WOMEN. FEAR. YOU. not YOU. or what your doing, just MEN. ENTIRELY. yea these dudes WERE doing things that may have been completely nuetral. glancing towards movement, asking about equipment, etc. nothing they did was outright predatory. but MEN as a concept are predatory. as many women die every year as some entire war death counts. largely at tge hands of men. men are literally the biggest risk to their lives. you dont HAVE to be doing anything wrong. your physical proximity is a RISK. that nuetral glance could be one from someone taking stock of if you are a potential victim. women dONT KNOW you are safe. they have NO REASON to assume as such.

like i agree a lot of the videos are unnecessary and probably only are posted for content and rage farming and would be better not existing. but like. god men need to check their egos and their hurt. like white women tears are one thing but white mens tears are MMM. Somethin else. youre mad cause a woman assessed your nuetral actions as a threat. but why does she have to do that. why do we see eye contact for a millisecond as a potential threat. why are you a threat. even when your not. bECAUSE MEN HURT WOMEN. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. its FEAR. not logic. get over your fuckin butthurt if your not an abuser gREAT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. god damn.

[lorisystem]

I feel so so miserable and dysphoric in this society ngl. I feel like i need- not even want but need to be in a place thats accepting of me and that makes me feel loved and welcome or at least. Tolerated or something and that i cant get that. I know its my problem bc so many people somehow live being themselves and taking criticism etc. But i just cant deal with unsolicited comments or aggression etc i just cant. Bear to think that people in society might perceive me to be weird. I feel like people cant be normal around the weird and weak, they just turn hostile and try to subjugate us or at best they become patronizing.

I feel like i dont belong to any community at all not even people like me theres always this or that trait that keeps me from belonging fully and no matter what i always feel like im an impostor pretending to be normal.

I know this is my own issue and im too sensitive to what i think people think of me and how they react to me etc and i shouldnt care but i cant help caring it was literally taught to me the hard way. Everytime people have wanted me so much to care about what they think always its so hard to unlearn.

Im at this point in this reaction of flight cycle where instead of trying to figure out how i could possibly find an accepting community im trying to figure out how to not be dependent on society anymore. My fantasies are turning to like going to live somewhere alone and subsisting by my own mean even if it means sacrificing things like comfort or some dignity i would aggressively protect being alone so nobody can come near me and perceive me or anything.

Obviously thats not realistic etc so. But im still thinking i cant help trying to figure how i could do that.

I just feel like i cant compromise- i cant be happy in this situation at all.

So im thinking the other way out is to die- which obviously is a thing i cant do bc some people depend on me and like. Its so so sad to die even though theres still technically hope of getting better. And its not fair. But im getting these urges and its like not even on a conscious level bc ive been suppressing suicidal urges but i have these parasite thoughts idk to do it in a way that makes it everyones problem bc i resent this society (and no individual in particular) so much and i want everyone to know that they failed and they were trash and they hurt me etc. But i cant pinpoint any specific people that i really resent. When it comes down to people who actually hurt me i think they just wouldnt understand (or sometimes care). No matter what i cant make anyone understand me or what i go through and the pain isnt going away.

And i know this is not a good way to feel or to think bc its very selfish and its nobodys fault in particular. And i have this toxic trait of when i feel bad i think its fair that everybody else feels bad too- which is bad and also i hate having this trait cause this is just what my dad does!! So im repressing thoughts like these and i dont talk about this to people around me bc the last thing i want is to actually harm someone especially if i care about them.

But yea i feel like i dont connect to anyone really. I connect to my spouse but i think its only bc we spent so much time together we attuned to each other but still. He is a person n i guess i need unconditional acceptance and love of my whole being- literally everything i do or say and i know its dumb and i shouldnt want it etc

Rationalizing doesnt make it go away though.

This spiraling was literally caused by a call from my landlord's girlfriend bc shes asking me to fill somth that doesnt matter and i shouldnt have to fill it and she was so rude bc i didnt receive her stupid email. As if its my fault?! N like. This is way more interaction ive had with this landlord than i care to have for my entire life. With these neighbors. I hate it here i hate it here!!!!!!! Theres always drama in this building!!!! I want to be left out of it!!!!!!

I feel like my life is just a nightmare that im trapped in. I have to pretend to be a human person all the time and i have to rely on my imaginary world and comfort interests to escape it all the time but when i think about it this is the only thing that makes me feel safe and accepted.

Idk why im struggling so much just feeling human and living with other people. I dont think anything ive been through is enough to justify this level of dysphoria and distress. I didnt ask for this. I just want to be left alone and live my life but that is too much to ask.

Sorry for the rant. Ill be ok though!!!!!!! Idk if anyone else feels like this but when it comes to DID i feel like for me its all about feeling unimaginable amounts of pain and still being able to function and be ok bc everything is kept compartmentalized. So in the end ill be ok n functional but ill hate it the entire time.

Anyway bye.

- ???

[viktoriakomova]

When you and other people talk about what MG elite was like in terms of the environment daily at practices, and how the parents were, where did you hear that stuff? I am not saying I don't believe you/it, but where did you learn the information? I can't find such detailed accounts in the articles that have been written, usually about Laurie or Riley

ive racked my brain and also gone digging for some #receipts but am mostly coming up empty lol. i think, speaking only for myself here, its a hodge podge of stuff ive read in articles, stuff ive seen on twitter (sometimes posted by people who actually were at that gym for a time or who competed against them often and heard or observed things for themselves) or other comment sections. also stuff i remember from fluff or BTR episodes (lol throwback) that, in retrospect with the information and context we know now, stick out to me as being uhhh particularly revealing.

however, if you want to know more about it, i do think you should listen to some of the stuff TheSkatingLesson has put up about her. I know that people have many problems with dave lease, the lions share of which are definitely valid criticisms (some of them aren tho lol), but he is from the same part of NJ and also has a lot of social connections to all sorts of people in the gymnastics community around there. and although i dont think he holds himself to any kind of personal standard of journalistic integrity (lol), if you accept the info he relays in the videos as superficially probably true, theyre a pretty good recap of the whole shitshow.

*whisper* and to be fair i cant remember anything he's said in those videos that isnt consistent with accounts of maggie and co.'s behavior that we know are true

but anyway, if you dont want to give him any views on principle, i understand that. if you're fine with it, then you can find them here. (theyre quite long fyi)

i feel like this was unhelpful especially if you were asking for like #sources or more legitimate reports of stuff. so im sorry if thats what you were looking for anon but here is SOME info, and a lot of what is talked about in the videos is stuff that people still bring up when talking about maggie and MG

[toontowncreepypasta]

did talk

one of the reasons why i never ever thought i had did or any kind of dissociative disorder is because the way people describe “talking” to alters and inner communication and a headspace is. soooo fictionalized. i don’t think any of the stuff i’ve read about “inner worlds” or whatever are anything past an imaginary coping mechanism. which works well!! i use it too!! but it’s definetly not at all what i thought it was when i saw people talking about it. “Communication” is less having discussions which i thought it was and more trying to get in touch with parts of yourself that are causing problems to come to a compromise. how to balance things like interests and likes and coping mechanisms and how much we do one thing and how we do another and how to communicate memories between one front to another. there is no face to face communication in my case. there is no imaginary inner world or a place where alters “go” when anothers fronting. it’s more akin to memory loss from blacking outy. it’s not like its happening to someone else who isn’t me, it’s happening to me in a state that i wont remember it. thats what it feels like too. “states” of being. “modes” of existing in. and all the modes have extremely different end goals/wants/interests.

i dont know. a lot of it was very fictionalized and mystical sounding to me when in reality its just kind of. i dont know. boring? mundane? normal?

things like “going dormant” make a lot more sense to me when thought about in the way of “this alter isn’t applicable in your life anymore” because there’s no reason for that “mode” to come out, or has been replaced with something else that does that mode more successfully? i think a lot of it seperates itself from the literal of what’s happening and more into the metaphorical/imaginative paart of what’s happening and while thats absolutely ok and not a problem, its made it extremely hard for me to navigate bc i dont think like that. i rlly dont like the words system or alters or whatever bc they feel just so.... .soooooo............ inhuman. but this is a human condition :(

[onewomancitadel]

i got your ask and i loved it! maybe the seasonal knightfall symbolism was the stuff we made up along the way.

i also wanted to say its so funny (terrible) to me how the idea that sometimes a character doesnt need romance (which i think is fine on its own! i think w/eiss is more empowered by rebuilding her existing family and having friends than she would be with a romantic interest for example) has been twisted so fucking awfully into "any female character i dont want to be happy/i think is getting in the way of my ship/is evil/etc doesnt need romance because she's powerful enough as it is :) im not misogynistic i just want women to be empowered!" im gonna start doing this with male characters actually. cmon guys s/un is cool amd strong enough as it is he doesn't need a love interest :)!! if the writers give him one its just ridiculous 🙄🙄

i just hate seeing people use good points to be fucking annoying to people who like things. i want cinder and salem and every bad evil naughty no good villain woman to get a romance now. and the men can too i guess 🙄🙄 (JOKING they need kisses too. looking at you merc)

if this is rambly im sorry its 2 am again (whoops)

(Now you can see where the previous post I made came from because I was on that seasons shit).

You make excellent points. I think the case with Weiss, though, is that it is actually a textual interpretation of her character, and her parallel with Qrow (her team S/TRQ analogue) is that their character arcs are largely connected to repairing familial relations (and their respective team partner Ruby-Summer). Weiss also gets a different play on Ozlem in her own story (as you pointed out she's almost an even split of their respective roles) which I think is partly being done to show how part of the weakness, say, both Ozlem have is that they don't have supportive, broader connections; Knightfall is the connective tissue, yes, but I do think Cinder being accepted back into the community (... dare I say with the elixir of life) is part of the key to her redemption holistically. But it's ultimately a cop out, otherwise, when this argument is employed, because as you can see it's not about Cinder's character or Cinder's desires.

The problem also here is that Cinder has no friends or family. The overtures of 'friendship' has failured her. How can an orphan have the same character arc as Weiss? It's just nonsensical. Romance for her has been set up as the answer. It has not been dismissed, not at all. Calculatedly so there is a gap in her narrative waiting to be filled.

im gonna start doing this with male characters actually. cmon guys s/un is cool amd strong enough as it is he doesn't need a love interest :)!! if the writers give him one its just ridiculous 🙄🙄

Lol ikr like come on. Make way boys. Then again I've literally seen people say this about Jaune, but Jaune's a special case because he's a victim of being the wrong sort of male character since he has a unique superpower and is my favourite and I am being persecuted in particular.

Jaune if you want narrative armour to protect you from fans being stupid you need to take your shirt off like Sun. (This is the future feminists want).

i just hate seeing people use good points to be fucking annoying to people who like things.

I mean, it's not even really a feminist talking point though, that's the problem, or if it is it's severely misunderstanding the literature. The problem itself is not romantic love, it's a female character being unable to grow beyond that or have her own character. Where I think a real issue is, is so often what we call 'romance' is little more than narrative boon. Narrative boon is itself not the problem: but she acts as a doll-prize, with no crafted character arc, with no justification, with no anything. The romance is not servicing the narrative.

So it's a genre problem.

If anything the argument here I defer to is one of technical weakness, as opposed to simple gender criticism, because I think if you can't write female characters you cannot write holistic characters (and this goes for everyone else). What I think is a serious issue that is overshadowed by discussing fiction as opposed to our actual lives is, you know, what is the role of romance in our own lives? How do we build our lives around it? How do we celebrate reciprocal love? One might say that the objectified portrayal of women in these types of objectified romances comes from the idea that women's needs, desires, and wants are ultimately accessory. The desire is not for reciprocal romance. This is exactly why anons who are bad-faith arguing with me cannot conceive of Knightfall because they don't know what romance actually is. (Take note of the sense of owedness in some of the bad faith anons; this sense that love is transactional, that love is something you are owed, not a gift that is shared, that it is something that is kept as punishment).

Or, were I not arguing from the angle of critical cultural reflection, I might just say they don't... know how to write interrelated character growth that so happens to involve romance. But they do that fine enough in buddy cop shows and film - which is probably the most structurally analogous to romance - so there's something deeper going on here.

In Weiss' case there is a deliberate theme of her Summon - her own familial Semblance - being the one to 'free' her, along with her friends. Given the fact that we have so many other romances that seem inevitable, tying her emotional development - GIVING her that emotional development, not abnegating her - to her family is actually really successful. It means that Weiss can have love central in her life, different types of love, and it gives you narrative space to explore why romantic love is meaningful. It's possible to do with an ensemble cast.

In Cinder's case, romantic love is what's needed. It's got to be one person in particular who can help her. Not just anyone. It's got to be epic and no holds-barred. If anyone could help her, why didn't it happen sooner?

i want cinder and salem and every bad evil naughty no good villain woman to get a romance now. and the men can too i guess 🙄🙄 (JOKING they need kisses too. looking at you merc)

🥺 Jaune can have little a kiss as a treat? And Mercury. Oh, we've not even started on the discourse of Emerald's love for him helping him redeem himself. Well guess what: his love for her already helped free her. 🥰 Now she's going to realise it 🥰 and that gift will be returned twicefold, tenfold, a thousandfold 🥰 since there is no numerical way of quantifying it, as it's magical and special 🥰 and then 🥰 I wonder what OTHER ENEMIES-TO-LOVERS ROMANCE THIS COULD SET UP. I WONDER WHAT OTHER ENEMIES-TO-LOVERS ROMANCE THIS COULD

[maeremiga]

Twitter and it's problems

yesterday i got into a small confrontation on twitter with someone. it's a decent bout of drama im not happy to revist as much as i think adds important background to my post so i'm going to dive into it.

i should start by saying that we ended things on a better note! and they even offered to retweet a post to apologize. they ended up rting a standardbred rescue center for me which is great because the horses are being slaughtered after their use and need to be rescued and all the pigdogs who put them to death after use is just- pointless. you can kill a pig for its meat and i guess it's something this society needs to work on (meat is bad when it comes from animals that aren't wild and being overkilled its a tricky line but it's something that's not stopping anytime soon) but horses aren't even known for their meat. they just fucking kill the majestic things and leave them to rot like rusty tools

that's getting sidetracked (though i would petition anyone to follow https://twitter.com/SRF_SOSS if you're on twitter), so getting back into it i should talk a little more about the concentration. it was with a twitter user who i was talking with on discord the nights prior where they posted and retweeted an orbiter of sorts who wanted to shagg their fursona and in a post relating to that i said i didn't like seeing that, though also wanted to clarify i did not hate them for that. i took it on the nose instead of as a joke because im a weird sentimental thing that takes things to their literal limit

a seperate user below asked who i was and i responded i was another user on twitter (this was my first mistake in terms of replying as this is an incredibly douchey thing, i've come to realize). i checked their profile real quick to find out who THEY were and in that endeavor i realized they were smack tweeting someone silently. further context i was able to gauge that was me and i tried to play fiddle by deleting the tweets above because even if i wasn't able to understand the offense i made, i like to deter confrontation (more into that in a bit). they told me to fuck myself after blocking me in the midst of elaborating my point in a second post thereafter. naturally i went into a bit of a bitchy mood and smack talked them back and also on the same discord the original twitter user was on until they revealed that A: the user that blocked me was that twitter users mutual, paired with B: the whole thing was a joke in fun. they even decided to meddle in my behalf and communicate with them further.

apparently the twitter users friend thought i was some sort of orbiter myself, what twitter users call a reply guy. the gist is that they assumed me to be replying to simp for her. a creepy person, which is ironic considering that's what my message really was in the beginning (a call about not liking creepy people openly wanting to fuck sfw twitter users in public chat), and to had have it taken as that i consider just as stressful as the initial block. it was a misunderstanding and me and the former blocker are on amicable terms now, this is not a hate post for anything but twitter communication. A rant about the state of twitter and people in it will ensue

fuck twitter. fuck the whole annuals of social media where you can say one thing and have not only the wrong message taken but excplicity the one you were reacting to in the first place - this isn't anyones fault particularly, it's just pattern recognition gone array. you can muster any split sections of dogshit text on your page and have it taken in a bad way. even after we made up the stress that was developed in the moment hid itself in my body and made it manifest itself again while i was trying to sleep in an awful, grungy situation. i dont know if it's an autistic trait specifically, but it's never fun holding in this moment and the worry that it might happen again

because it will. it sometimes does and you can't help it. it's a landscape being built with shit bulldozers and piss cranes. it's centered around a culture of creepy weirdos who have you think on your feet and quickly deter any source of phrasing or odd behavior that MIGHT be from one of them because we made it justified to do this - this is needed conduct. the level of deranged follower worship, pedophiles, sleeper racists, abusers and transphobes are at a high ever since the Mule took over twitter and unshackled the bonds that kept users from becoming even worse psychomaniacs for 44 bil.

sooner or later you have to have this standard if you want to play the game that is social media ofc but twitter affluence after deciding to deliberately become worse and cradle a multiplad community of people it doesn't need (see above, pedos, racists etc.) is an aggressively unsettled prospect for anyone on the site who wants to interact normally. normally has been shred to pieces. normal is nothing in the lair of serpents and blood eyed apes. there will be a time someone dms another person saying they like someones style and it will undoubtably be seen as a calling card from a potential stalker and you won't even know where the line is.

with the essence of all the problems in the world im not upset someone had the wrong idea of me, but i am upset why they HAD to have had the wrong idea. it's not even particularly different to what i'd do on a hunch (and have!) for other posters on different threads with different situations. it's difficult to conserve yourself and work with first impressions because taking the wrong first impression and rolling with it doesn't pan out well in the worst scenarios if they're the weirdo creepo you think they might be and if they are why on gods green earth would you give that dipshit an inch to work with?

situations are in a low vacuum. we need to burn twitter to the ground and replace it with something or just replace the vacuum with smaller sized social media sites where the expectation of being seen and seeing others in a pre-negative light isn't the go to structure because hedonistic and hate scorned ants crawled up in the cracks of the pillar of its website and wont go. we need a better system man. fuck,

[wsl-chelsea]

(Anon who said capitalism is the least flawed) I probably should of clarified I think it’s the least flawed out of the tried and tested. Out of the big 3 that have been real world tried (capitalism communism and feudalism) capitalism is the one that has been better for economic and social stability

But this is sort of where the line gets blurred when we talk about an economic system and a political system. When talking about capitalism vs. communism they are considered economic systems and in terms of the country generating enough money to sustain the people capitalism has been better.

The bad rep of capitalism comes from the select few who are exploiting the system. When we think of capitalism we think USA normally but no capitalist societies are the same. Like take USA and aus for example USA don’t have tax brackets which makes the rich richer and the poor poorer and the rich exploit that. But in aus we have tax brackets where the top earners are taxed up to 49% for their salary which is a huge amount. For every $1 they make 49c goes to the government to fund the country. What the government do with that money however is the problem when it comes to like social issues and that’s more politics than it is economic systems

In terms of a political/social system true communism hasn’t been executed and although it would be the best ideologically I don’t think it’s possible. I agree people should have basic human rights and the government should provide that but even if people at their core were selfless there would still be that small few who wouldn’t be. That’s not something we can control like for example psychopaths there’s something chemically abnormal about their brain and we can’t exactly just get rid of that. I think maybe once the older and more politically incorrect and selfish generations die out maybe communism could be given another go and turn out better than before but at this time I don’t think it would work

Sorry for that massive rant I like talking about this. At the end of the day that’s just my opinion and everyone is free to have their own. You are 100% free to smite me and I welcome it cause like it’s interesting to hear other peoples opinions and you can learn from other people. Hope you have a wonderful day :))

that makes a lot more sense then lmao. i dont know how much i agree that capitalism provides economic stability since it like. fucking collapses every 10 years but yk

idk what to tell you man australia is just slaying LMAO (/j). i agree with you on that. i still dont think that australia is free from the upper class exploiting the working class but it's definitely better than fucking elon musk exploiting his american workers and saying they should model themselves off of china's tesla workers who work 12 hour shifts six days a week lols and get paid barely anything.

'I think maybe once the older and more politically incorrect and selfish generations die out maybe communism could be given another go and turn out better than before but at this time I don’t think it would work'- this. transitioning to socialism then communism requires a major shift in the way the working class sees capitalism, and a majority would need to see it as an enemy of the working class not a weird frenemy. atm most people think its kind of shit but it works and they wouldn't be happy with a shift to communism esp with all the propaganda thats been fed to us after the colossal failures of 'communist' countries. people need to be radicalised if communism is to be given a chance otherwise no one will participate, and that takes a looooong time lmao.

dw i like talking about it too! gets me thinking about society, i dont have much smiting to do here bc you make some good points. i just hate classes and i hate how capitalism fuels the climate crisis a lot (and is responsible for the hesitancy to solve it),thats all. hope you have a good day too!

[fentasticshit]

TONY

so much happening in a day nowadays.

so I did tell him how I feel, about Id like to log off whatsapp,

and maybe we shouldnt talk so often, it hurts everytime I text him. maybe he should let me know if he ever comes to taiwan again.

his response was surprising tho,

he was like "lol alright, no worries, Ill let you know"

I was like wtf? just like that?

然後想了想, 也是, 他可是個水手, 什麼風浪沒看過?

ok I should keep everything down here.

it hurts but, I shoulld.

"Morning, DO you have a moment?"

"Goodmorningg"

"Yes I do"

"Had a good sleep?"

"are you sleeping? or trying to stay awake?"

"Im awake haha" "Watching Netflix."

"ok I was wondering if I can talk to you about something."

"Sure about what"

"You can always talk to me"

"I was thinking how about you let me know when you ever come back to taiwan?"

"Ofcourse I would, why?"

"no I mean since we dont know when thats happening yet."

"I know.. but I would?"

"I dont hAve info yet. But i will keeo you updated ofcourse.."

"yeah you have my number"

"Yes i do" "WHats the problem? I dont understand" it hurts whenever I read it god. hes so innocent.....lmao

"I like you so much it just hurts whenever I text you"

"so I was thinking, Id probably log off whatsapp (so you can work, and I'll stop bugging you with questions of "when we going to meet" quesions"

"Lol, alright. No worries, I will let you know."

"I understand, no hard feelings"

"FUnny, we talked about this, that this happens tome often while dating. Get to know someone, i go for job, and poof person is gone."

"Ah well, get used to it i guess"

"No tony"

"I didnt know how to put this better, but its an discussion.

"I get it"

"Id like to know what you think, I want to be there to support you."

"If you want me to be there, just tell me. I just dont want my anxiety interrupt you with those bunch of work lol"

"and we met for 1 day!!! so we need lots of lots of communication"

"If i cant answer, i will not. You are not interrupting me from work, will never let that happen."

"really?"

"Work and private life are seperate things for me."

"Yes"

"Oh.."

"If I work, i work without any thoughts about private life."

"I need to focus, so i would not let that mix up.' "So dont worry. If i cant answer due to work; i will not lol"

"Ok fuck yeah. you have to know I barel know you! so Id have my doubts." "Imnot walking away or ANYTHING"

"I understand. But doubts about what" "Then thats good" "Otherwie you know where the exit is..its a choice lol"

"Ok so another thing is" "Its not easy for me to travel, so I thought how is it going to work? since you're away" "lol i see that youre so used to it now"

"I am. I dont allow bullshit in my life that can make me sad, so it it so, i can take distance." "I dont know yet, we will need to figure this out i guess?"

"I know youve had too much bullshit." "You hate me now?" "ok...I'll step up"

"I dont hate you." "why should i lol" "What you mean?"

"Be stronger in any way" "Havent had anything to do with men for three years, still getting used to this."

"Ah..well yes..otherwise it will put you down" "I understand" "Love is hard eh D:"

"Its not, the hardest part is expecting someone will be there for you. I know I want to." "so you dated, it seems like youre never open to me about this part." "I honestly imagined you probably had yur heart broken many times you just dont want to think about it. also we only met for a day lol"

"I tried, and everytime i met someone in my last week at home. Then they left after i went offshore. I told you" "Brb i go to some work" ":-*"

"Ok i'll just put my texts here. ok so tell me if im wrong...are we doing this like come kind of compitition, I have to stand out before those girls (those live in your heart) becasue you never had a chance to get over those, you just work" "like i told you, truth is the only thing im seeking, and i want to know theres anyone youre still trying to get over with, because i dont want to be replacement for anything"

"Yessss bit busy"

"ok"

"They are not in my heart....i do not have to get over anyone lol. I am east at letting go. Dont worry"

"Work, and different mindset i think"

.......so that was pretty much it, I shared two photos, and told him hes welcome to grab a coffee here which is a lie too.

Im all about games I guess.

I just crave attention.

I wasnt satisfied with his answer, but since Id like to win.

Id like to stand out among all those women he dated.

then I'll see what id like to do from there.

mayybe just for the thrill of it,

maybe hes doing it for the same thing.

but you just cant be scared to have your heart broken now.

I hate him to be honest.

I hate him for being such a manly man.

with such contentration on his job.

because he could easily get away from so many things.

if Im pissed, he couldve just said "busy atm" then dont have to deal with anything at all.

Im not sure why Im going along with this.

I act differently in front of him.

I guess hes truthful.

also Josh Lee just proposed.

not me of course lmfao

another chubby girl .....

I got mixed emotions about it.

seeing the prey I once had, now is happily...commited

I feel strange.

and Im now have to deal with...THIS.

KARMA.