#i think she should die like a bazillion times

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

i think they should kill wendy again

[xxnomadsxx]

Nomads AU! That what if before timeline I mentioned a while back on a poll! Part 1

The story goes the same in band together (John comes in they get Bruce then get Clay) just without branch being there. There was a lot of worry and concern going on about Branch’s whereabouts, but eh they’ll deal with it later. Anyways they just got Clay and now THEY HAD TO FIND BITTY B!…wherever he might be. So they try and find anyway to locate Branch, but after searching through old memorabilia they do find his old glasses and basically try the same method they did with Clay (look it worked so might as well keep using it) so Rhonda got a faint trail of Branch (almost nonexistent) and after some hustling they end up in some very overgrown woods. They sorta just wander around looking and shouting for Bitty B/Branch. The hunt goes on for a while till…

THEY WERE CAUGHT!!! Rhonda basically got led into a trap with some tasty berries and immediately got caught. Soon the brothers and Poppy plus Tiny left Rhonda to figure out what happened, when all of a sudden…they were surrounded by cloaked figures that circled them. All of them were different shapes and sizes but yet troll sized (weird right?) the gang was startled John and Clay got ready to fight (Clay definitely learned how to fight while living with the putt putt trolls) Bruce was making sure tiny was safe, while Poppy was….scrapbook a friendship card (she doesn’t take danger that serious…but she’ll learn, probably)

Soon the cloaked figures stopped once they realized… those were trolls?! Actual colorful trolls (they don’t see many colorful trolls anymore) soon some of the cloaked figures revealed themselves to the gang and….. they were grey trolls?! (When I tell you Poppy had a mini heart attack in that moment) I mean how could this be, a grey troll? Those are hard to come by, not to mention there were tons! Plus some really weird feral looking things were sorta eyeing the gang (the feral(trolls?) were totally going to eat them) then the grey trolls decided they should bring them to the leader. Yea at this point the gang was to flabbergasted by the fact there were grey trolls here! that they just kinda were too shocked to think right and just followed them. Poppy soon got out of her funk asking a bazillion questions and trying to “cheer” up the trolls (she was kinda insulting them but similar to how she was with 1st movie Branch) all the grey trolls ignored her.

So once they got to there leader’s bunker (yes Branch still has a bunker) they started trying to get him to come out to see the guests they had. But once Branch came out and saw HIS brothers just there standing in front of him he freaked out. At first he was shocked just frozen but once his brothers asked who HE WAS! That was when he freaked out, he screamed and shouted at them how they left him to fend for himself that he was alone and they had the audacity to FORGET HIM!! This was the moment every built up emotion hit the brothers. Standing in front of them was there baby brother, as a disheveled mess, leaves in a natty messed up puffball of a haircut, a face littered with scars and stress lines, not to mention he looked like he was going blind in an eye (they didn’t see much of his body but it would just make them feel worse with how many scars the poor troll had) none of them were even able to handle the fact that their baby brother was…. Grey.

All the brothers were ready to break down they saw this troll who was nothing like the happy baby they left instead a sad grey troll. The brothers were going to be kicked out until John told Branch Floyd was in danger. Floyd may have still abandoned Branch, but Branch didn’t want his brother to die. So he agreed to go then a lot of time gets spent with him struggling to actually leave the village without the tribe with him (he’s very paranoid about what could happen) during this Poppy tries to “cheer” up the grey troll (which gives her a bad impression on branch as she acts very similar to 1st movie poppy) she then tries to throw a huge party to bring up the mood it does not go well (the scene is very similar to world tour with the country trolls) after Branch is ready to leave and officially annoyed by his brothers trying to cheer him up as they try to either have a very sad awkward conversation, or they treat him like a baby similar to how they treat him in the movie but it’s more awkward cause he is a complete stranger to the brothers and veeerrrrryyyy aggressive (he growls and hisses at them)

He struggled actually leaving the village but once he was assured by his brothers it was for Floyd he put his second in in command in charge and left it was sorta similar to the Poppy and Viva scene where she wouldn’t leave but if it worked.

(Poppy was very excited BITTY B was found and was getting on every one of branch’s nerves the brothers were conflicted to say the least)

I’m really sorry I’m making a part 2 because I have a lot to say but the next part will be about the bus ride to mount rageouse and saving Floyd.

[ladymelisande]

another example of tumblr "woke" teens hating on the woman to prop up their slash pairing - mary from sherlock. god the jo*nlockers were an annoying bunch. also let's be real mary was miles superior to watson, and yet they hated on mary for coming between sherlock and jo*n lol.

Oh, boy, don't remind me that mess, I was in the heat of Series 3 and 4 when that fandom was mellowing but still was one of the worse fandoms I ever seen.

Something that I find kind of funny about fandom in Steven Moffat's works is that despite the fact that Moffat is always inclined to manipulative and clever morally grey protagonists, his works always attract the most black-and-white parts of the fandom for wank.

I had no problem with Mary when she appeared, I actually loved to death that she and Sherlock liked each other so much and they had those cute domestic moments while planning the wedding. The whole assassin plot just made her more interesting because yay we have another morally grey manipulative arsehole to root for. But nah, the John/lockers went batshit over their imagined ship even when the showrruner said a bazillion times that it was not gonna happen like c'mon the first episode of the damn series 3 was a fucking wedding. What was worse is that they attacked everyone who didn't ship john/lock or called their stupid arse conspiracy for what it was: a crazed theory that they pulled out of their arses.

John/lock was for me what many of these m/m ships with deluded fans are: something I could have shipped if their fans didn't fucking terrify me. Like they weren't only crazy for the ship, they sent Mary's actress death threats to the point Martin Freeman had to come out and talk. Frankly, I was amazed that both lead actors continued with the show up to Series 4 because boy, anyone would have hated the shit out of a crazed fandom like that. Being in the Sherlock fandom as a bisexual and suggesting that maybe Sherlock or Irene Adler could also be that for anything that wasn't fucking john/lock was basically painting a neon-sign for those crazies to harass you.

And then it came Series 4, which was for sure the most hated one (not by me, I didn't love it as much as other of Moffat works but it has more good moments than bad ones in my opinion) and the fandom exploded in rage because the I Love You scene between Sherlock and Molly and they started harassing Molly's actress on Twitter when she was sharing BTS notes, it was so gross and yet the john/locks were still the poor poor wronged party that only wanted representation out of a Sherlock Holmes fanfiction with a notoriously small cast that never promised such thing nor owed it to them. One moment before Series 3 that I laughed out loud was when some shipper was bothering Mark Gatiss on Twitter saying that she would die if john/lock was not canon and he replied the tweet with "RIP".

I have rarely seen a hatedom as psychotic as the one that Steven Moffat has sadly have to have on his back. Like, it's not like me not liking LB's writing choices and calling her heroine flat and selfish. Oh, no, they are, to this day, inventing shit that he apparently said to "prove" he is a bad person. Not just a bad writer, a bad person. And half of that shit were either misquoting bullshit with no source or things he said about a fictional character and that was way exaggerated. Or shit that was said like twenty years ago and that why should we care, people change their opinions, jeez. It wasn't just that but also they yelled at fans that had the opportunity to know the showrunners personally and said they were lovely people to meet. I think one of those posts are still in my blog actually, imagine ruining somebody's tale from their experience in a con because you have an irrational hate to the writers because they didn't make your imagined ship canon.

So, yeah, my experience with that fandom was a lesson truly: stay away from m/m fandoms because they are doomed into falling into awfulness.

[justanother-unluckysoul]

Working My Way Back To You 9/11

Killian gets captured. When Emma finally rescues him, he’s traumatized and nearly broken from the torture he endured. Angst and h/c galore as Emma helps him through it.

I tried to go easy on the whumpy side of it since it’s supposed to be for Comfortember, but it’s me so I probably failed lol

A/N: Oof this chapter got away from me a bit lol I strayed back into whumpy territory a little in this one, as Killian talks about some of his trauma, but he does get comfort in the present time.

Warnings for this chapter: a bit of smut (I probably don’t have to warn for that since this story is already M rated but it’s there, so) (also it’s my very first attempt at smut and I’ve rewritten that scene only like a bazillion times haha but I’m still so nervous to post it, I just hope you guys don’t hate it)

Unbetad as always so mistakes are all mine.

Tagging @cocohook38 as requested.

Read this chapter on AO3

Working My Way Back To You

Road Trip + Campfire

It had been Archie’s idea for Emma and Killian to get away for a while. Go down the coast, he’d said, find yourself. Reconnect with each other. Killian didn’t know how camping was supposed to help with any of that. But Emma had seemed excited about the prospect when he’d mentioned it to her, and he never could deny her wishes so here they were, sitting on a log in a forest in the middle of nowhere, where Killian could hear the ocean but not see it through the trees. The campfire crackles and pops and the heat against his front is a sharp contrast to the chill at his back, and perhaps they hadn’t thought this through very well because even through his layers Killian can still feel the cold now that the sun has gone down. Although it has been unseasonably warm lately, the night air still carries quite a bite. Emma’s tucked into his right side, a blanket around her shoulders. She seems happy despite the cold, her stomach full of the fish they’d caught from the sea earlier that day, and the ‘marshmallows’ she’d insisted on bringing along – yet another sticky, sugary treat Killian couldn’t quite stomach. He’d tried two, toasted over the fire until they were gooey on the inside, but they sat uncomfortably in his gut and he left the rest for Emma. He’s not sure if it was the problem was the marshmallows, or the fact that his anxiety is rising again just from being in a forest. Spending centuries on a jungle island, at the whim of a malicious demon, had ruined it for him. On a good day, he could shove it down, bury it deep where all his other vulnerabilities lived. But today is not a good day.

“What are you thinking about, Killian?” Emma asks, and he supposes he has been quiet for too long.

“Just… things.”

“Good things?”

He wishes.

“No.”

“Oh.”

She’s got her fingers on his chest, toying absently with the hairs at the unbuttoned top of his shirt. He wonders if she’ll ask for more of him. He wonders if he can give it this time. He thinks about her body pressed against his and her gentle hands removing his clothes, and maybe he wants to try it again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Emma asks.

Her unexpected question forces an alteration of Killian’s thoughts that is abrupt and unpleasant. Because that’s why they’re really out here, isn’t it? To talk about things. Reconnect, whatever the hell that meant. He doesn’t want to do this. He really, really doesn’t want to dip his toes back into those memories. It’s bad enough he has to bare his soul for the cricket on a regular basis.

“I…”

Where does he start? How can he tell her the true horrors he endured in the cellar? And does she even want to hear it – how they’d seemingly delighted in every strangled groan and grunt he couldn’t hold back under the torture, and how they’d laughed when they finally forced a scream from him? That his only comfort was the hallucination of her, kneeling at his side in the cell telling him everything would be okay as he struggled to breathe around the pain consuming his body? Bloody hell, he’s shaking again at the thought of saying any of that to her.

“We don’t have to do this,” Emma says, giving him a way out that he desperately wants to use.

But Killian Jones is not a coward.

“No, it’s… I can…”

“Breathe, Killian,” she coaches, sitting up straighter and her hand moves up to cradle his face, “Breathe. You’re okay.”

He takes a breath. And another. And slowly the tendrils of panic release him.

“I saw you there,” he blurts out before his mind can talk him out of it again, “In the cell with me. You brought me comfort amongst the torment…”

 “Killian, you have to be still. Just be still. It’ll only hurt more if you move.”

He blinks drowsily at her standing beside him, her hands gentle on his battered body as he hangs from the shackle. Perhaps he should listen to her advice. The pain of fighting to keep his feet under him is making it harder to breathe. Harder to think. And he needs to think. But…

“Emma, how are you here?” he gasps, and his eyes fill with tears of relief.

Her hand caresses his face as she smiles, and he wants to weep from how good it feels. Her love. Her kindness. How long has it been since anyone has touched him in such a way? How long has he been shackled in this cold cell?

“It’s okay,” she says with so much tenderness, “Everything’s going to be okay now. Go to sleep, Killian.”

His eyes flutter closed. He’s so cold. He’s so tired. Everything hurts but it’s okay because Emma’s here.

 “That’s why you didn’t know if I was real,” Emma says quietly, “when we found you. I thought… I thought I’d lost you. That they’d….”

She’s pressed tightly against his side again as he hesitantly shares the story with her.

“I was so scared, Killian.”

“Aye, love. Me too.”

He hadn’t meant to admit that, but he had been terrified. He’d kept it hidden from his captors as best he could but by the end, he knew he was failing. There’s only so much a man can take. And they’d known that, finding his weaknesses and pushing him past his breaking point. For two weeks, he suffered at their hands.

 “Focus on your breathing, Killian,” Emma says softly.

He’s shivering, naked against the cold floor, exhausted from the pain yet unable to sleep because of it. His ruined hand feels so unbearably hot that he envisions it may well burst into flames, every involuntary twitch of his broken fingers sending a blazing agony up his arm. And further down his body there’s still the terrible, terrible burning sensation from his captor’s latest game.

“I d-don’t want you to s-see me like this, Emma,” he whispers through chattering teeth, his eyes squeezed shut.

“It’s okay. You know I’m not really here.”

The reminder that he is alone is too much. It’s like a wave of emotion cresting, and crashing into him with immense force, making him want to howl his rage and despair until his lungs are empty. But he only allows a whimper. He won’t give them the satisfaction of knowing how utterly broken he is.

“Just breathe,” not-Emma murmurs, her imaginary fingers on his face close enough to the real thing that Killian feels himself melting into her touch, “Just keep breathing, Killian.”

 “It felt so real. I know it wasn’t, but… you helped me to stay sane. I would have lost myself if it weren’t for the image of you at my side.”

The fire is burning low now and the loss of its heat is making him shiver. Emma moves the blanket so it’s resting over both of them, and her hand settles on his left forearm as she burrows closer into his right side, like she can cuddle the fear right out of him. He appreciates the gesture, struggling with the mental distress of releasing the memories from that box in his mind. Of admitting his fears to Emma. And he has barely touched on what they did to him in that cellar. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to, not to Emma.

“I’m sorry it took us so long to find you,” Emma says.

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. We were nearly… we were nearly too late, Killian, you were…”

“Almost gone,” he whispers, staring blankly into the campfire.

  When he swallows, he can taste blood, having bitten either his tongue or his lip – he doesn’t know which one – trying to hold back his cries during his last torture session. It hadn’t even helped, not for long enough. His strength is entirely depleted. The pain throughout his body has faded to a dull, miserable sort of ache, that he’s grateful for because it’s better than the fire that had consumed him before. And he realizes distantly that this is it, this is the end. It’s not how he thought he’d go – and he’s thought about it a lot over his too many lifetimes. A quiet, distraught sound escapes his parched throat at the thought that Emma will be too late to save him. He’s not afraid to die, his heart doesn’t ache for himself but for her, how terrible it will be for Emma to find his corpse. How long will it take? But wait, here’s Emma now, her hand gently rubbing at his curved back as he lies there helpless.

“Emma?” His lips move, but he doesn’t think he’s actually spoken aloud.

He doesn’t seem to have the strength for that anymore, but that doesn’t matter. Emma presses her lips against the back of his bare shoulder. He can feel her hair tickling his skin.

“Ssshhh,” she shushes him, “I’m here.”

But she’s not really, he knows that. It’s just his mind playing a trick on him again. But he might as well take the comfort it seems willing to provide in his final hours.

“Hold me, Emma. Please, I want to feel your embrace as I go.”

Not-Emma’s arms slip under him, lifting him effortlessly into her embrace. The motion hurts in a way in shouldn’t because this isn’t real, but he moans weakly anyway.

“It’s okay, Killian. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

It’s hard to breathe, but he knows that won’t matter for much longer. Emma’s fingers move lightly over his cheek, across his jawline, caressing his face as she holds him steady. He feels like he’s floating now, only her touch keeping him from disappearing into nothing. Killian feels immensely grateful for her comfort. He doesn’t bother to open his eyes, content to imagine how she looks, the smile on her face, the kindness in her eyes. The love she has for him is flowing into his body, easing his suffering in his final moments. But his captors come back for him, one more time and he just wants this to be over.

“Just bloody finish it,” he says, and he can tell he’s said it aloud this time by how feeble his voice sounds.

He floats away again and he doesn’t want to come down, but they pull him back, holding his right arm too tightly and he can’t take any more of this, can’t take the pain that he knows is going to overwhelm him in a moment when they aggravate his broken fingers again just for the fun of it. He shakes and writhes and implores for them to stop and he promised himself, he promised Emma they could not break him, but they have. By the gods, they have. But not-Emma is still here somehow, and her touch feels more real than it ever has. She’s never been there during his tortures, only afterwards in his cage, and Killian struggles to focus on her. She looks scared this time and Killian doesn’t like it. He wants desperately to let go, to escape this torment, but she looks so sad he can’t bear to leave her like this. But his body is giving up and he has no choice.

“I’m so sorry, Emma.”

Slowly, the world begins to disappear again. And not-Emma says she’s real now, and he almost believes it. He wants to believe it, that she has really found him, even if she’s come too late to save him. She tells him just to rest, her fingers curled tightly around his shoulder, soothing and steadying. Her permission is all he needs. Killian finally submits to the void that’s been beckoning to him so enticingly, and he doesn’t expect to wake up again.

 Emma’s sniffling jolts Killian out of the morbid tale he was telling, his voice monotonous as he tried to distance himself from the event, and he realizes he’s lost some time by the way the fire is only embers now.

“Emma? What’s wrong, love?” he asks with concern, giving his head a quick shake to remove what feels like cobwebs out of his brain.

“S-sorry,” she says weakly, her voice quivering, “I just… I didn’t know how close it actually was. Another few hours and… God, Killian.”

Oh. Oh.

“No, I’m sorry, truly. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

He tries to twist away slightly so he can see her face, but she’s holding onto him too tightly. And she’s weeping freely now, sobbing into his shirt. Curse the cricket for this suggestion, it’s only made things worse. And curse Killian too for going along with it.

“Hey, it’s okay, Emma. I’m with you. It’s okay.”

He repeats her own words back to her, the words she’s used for him so frequently of late, when he wakes panicked in the night or finds himself suddenly unable to catch his breath as the memories cloud his mind. His hand rubs at Emma’s back, trying to soothe her, and he wishes, gods, he wishes he had a second hand with which to wipe her tears away. Though he can’t move his left arm at all right now anyway, because she’s clinging onto it like she’ll float away if she doesn’t.

“Sshhh, love, be calm,” he continues, slipping in his own phrases now, folding himself around her as much as he’s able, sheltering her as she falls apart, “We’re okay now. We’re okay. Just breathe, there’s a good girl. Shh, it’s going to be alright, Emma.”

Slowly her body begins to relax in his arms, and after a while she takes a shuddering breath and sits up to scrub away her tears, and grabs a handkerchief from her pocket to blow her nose. Killian pulls the flask of rum from his pocket and pushes it gently into her trembling hands when she’s done.

“Drink up, Swan, and I’ll tend the fire.”

He needs a moment to calm himself as well and placing some more logs on the fire is a perfect excuse to get him the space he needs, and a simple task to ground himself firmly in the present. Emma stares at the flask in her hand with red-rimmed eyes as Killian carefully tends the fire, expertly poking at and blowing on the embers around the new wood he’s placed on it, until it flares back to life, driving away the chill.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Emma says with a little, self-deprecating sort of laugh, “I’m supposed to be strong, for you. Because I’m fine, you’re the one that was…”

Tortured.

“Hey now, none of that,” Killian says firmly, dropping to one knee in front of her so he can lift her chin and look into her eyes, “You are strong, love, far stronger than I would be in your place. You figured out where I was and you saved me, Emma.”

He takes her hand in his and presses a kiss to the back of it while never breaking eye contact, his lips lingering on her skin as he makes certain she can see in his face how much he means what he’s saying.

“You saved me,” he repeats softly when he finally lifts his mouth again, “I owe you everything. You’re not a mess, Emma, you’re a bloody hero.”

She smiles, hesitant at first but growing wider and then she puts the unopened flask aside in favour of leaning forward to kiss him. He meets her halfway, surging upwards with a bit too much force that accidentally sends Emma toppling backwards off the log with a yelp and Killian falling with her, frantically trying to break their fall without hurting her. He must manage it, because when they make eye contact in this compromising position, Emma’s giggling and Killian can’t help the sound bubbling up his throat too because he’s experienced far too many emotions in such a sort time tonight and he’s feeling a little giddy.

“Sorry, love,” he says, trying to suppress his undignified giggling, “That was…”

But now he’s acutely aware of how close they are, how her hands are clinging to him, and how her thigh is conveniently pressing between his legs. His glee abates as it’s replaced by another feeling – he really, really wants to kiss her again, and deeper this time. And he can barely keep up with all these sensations and he doesn’t even care at this point, his head feeling a little dizzy at the intoxicating nearness of Emma, of her scent and her touch. He wonders if – he hopes – that Emma can feel the heat between them too.

“I’m fine, Killian, it’s fine. Are you-”                              

He gives in to his body’s urges despite his reservations and swallows the rest of her question, his lips capturing hers and his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth, and she immediately responds in kind, almost hungrier for it than he is. Thank the gods, Killian thinks, because if she hadn’t been in the mood, he would have felt stupid, though he most likely could get her into the mood without much effort. The passion between them builds even higher and Killian is desperate for more. He presumes his eyes possess the same dazed look that Emma’s do as they both take a moment to catch their breath.

“Emma, may I…” Emma waits patiently while he finds the words, find the courage to say what he wants, her hand stilling against his chest. “I want to… I want to make love to you.”

Emma laughs a little, like she always does when he uses that phrase (nobody calls it that anymore, Killian but he’s not quite comfortable using a more vulgar term, not to Emma, she’s too perfect and too good and it would be very bad form to say anything like that in her hearing) but she also blushes slightly, and he can see she’s just as eager for it as he is.

“Okay.”

With a wave of her hand, Emma extinguishes the campfire, and then they can hardly keep their hands off each other as they move to the privacy of their tent. The moment they are inside Killian is overcome with the burning desire to touch more of her skin right now.

“Less clothes,” Killian demands, and Emma grins, pulling her lower lip between her teeth before she starts taking her layers off.

She doesn’t ask him to take his own off, sticking to her promise that she won’t push him, but he wants to. He wants this. He’s tired of being a coward. His fingers hurry to remove his own clothing (and he’s never been more thankful to have the use of those five fingers again than at this precise moment), and in a moment Emma is more or less naked in front of him and he’s in a similar state, at least from the waist up. Now his mouth can explore her newly exposed flesh and he delights in the sounds he can pull from her by doing so. Emma’s hand rests against the back of his head, the other bracing herself, leaning back as he takes what he wants. It’s a slow and tender sort of lovemaking; hands drifting slowly across skin, mouths savouring the taste of the other, hushed words of reverent appreciation, and this is exactly what Killian needs. They take their time, neither in a hurry to go further yet, just enjoying getting lost in the sensations.

“Emma.” Killian is the one to break away, feeling the urgency, the need, beginning to override his uncertainties about what he intends to do.

“What is it?”

Killian’s looking up at Emma’s flushed face as he leans back on his elbows on the mattress, her lips slightly swollen from his earlier attentions, her hair a gloriously wild tangle and the colour bright in her cheeks. He’s taken off the brace and hook because they’re in such tight quarters right now, there’s a high chance his hook would rip the side of their shelter when they really get into it, and it would only take a moment of inattention, the briefest impulse to anchor himself to something, and the flimsy material would be rent right open. He doesn’t need one more thing to be concerned about tonight. Not with what he is about to do. Killian hesitates for a second before he grabs Emma’s hand in his and guides it to his belt buckle – his jeans the only thing he’s still wearing besides his socks and his rings and the charms around his neck.

“Are you sure?” Emma asks, her fingers curling into the waistband at the front of his jeans.

“Yes,” he murmurs, quickly, before he can lose his nerve again, “just… just go slow.”

Her eyes flick back up to his several times, checking on his wellbeing as she slowly releases him from the confines of his trousers. He can feel the memories clawing at the edge of his mind, but he keeps watching her, focuses on the feel of her soft fingers brushing against his skin as he lifts his hips and allows her to tug his jeans down and off. Then it’s over and now Emma’s moving back up his body, taking his face in her hands and gazing into his eyes.

“Still with me?” she asks quietly.

There’s no denying that his body is responding to their activities, but Emma just wants to be certain his mind is on board with it as well, after how badly he reacted last time. She’s good like that.

“Aye, keep going, love.”

And then her hand slips down and there, bloody finally. Killian allows himself to get lost in the sensations for a glorious interval. Emma could easily get him off just like this, she’s done it before, her talented hands and her mouth – oh gods, her mouth, a shudder runs through him at the thought – and he’s strongly tempted to allow her to continue, if he didn’t have another plan for tonight. He needs… He needs.

“Wait,” Killian chokes out, and she stops immediately, looking at him with concern.

“What’s wrong? Is this too much?”

“No. I mean, yes, but… Not for the reasons you think.” He breathes deeply, gathers his wits, and his fortitude. “I don’t want to finish like this, Emma, I want… I want you. I want to be… inside you.”

He’s seconds away from adding a pathetic please because she’s so close to him, but not close enough and his skin is tingling with desire. But before he has to, Emma leans forward and her mouth claims his again, scorching and demanding and keeping him firmly rooted in the present time. When she pulls back, his head spinning a little from how hard she’s kissed him, she slips her arm behind him – sit up, Killian, I want to hold you –and he follows her guidance willingly until he’s sitting on the edge of their camping bed, his heart pounding against his ribs because he knows, he knows how good she will make him feel. Then she’s on him and around him, astride his thighs as she settles onto him. His hand finds its way to the swell of her bare arse, drawing her down, coaxing her to take him in further.

“That’s it, love,” he murmurs, and there’s a shameless moan from the back of his throat as she wraps her legs around his waist, taking him deeper, “Gods, you feel so bloody good, Emma.” Because Emma loves it when he tells her how much he’s appreciating what she’s doing to him – and bloody hell, he is appreciating it. A lot. And she’s barely done anything yet.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” Emma says quietly, her hot breath against his ear sending a shiver of eager anticipation down his spine, “Tell me if you need me to stop, at any time and I will. Okay?”

Killian nods his assent, and slowly she begins to move, murmurs words of praise to him as her fingers bury themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck, her other hand slipping behind his back to hold him close. This position is soft and intimate and wonderful as all his senses become completely immersed in everything Emma. There’s no room for any other feeling, or any other thought. She’s holding onto him as she sets the pace and he’s kissing whatever part of her he can reach, using lips and tongue and teeth the way she likes it and she tastes amazing and he can’t get enough and gods, she is going to drive him insane. He enjoys it rough, sometimes – most times – and Emma always obliges, but tonight she takes him gently, lovingly, carefully, all soft phrases and leisurely movements. And it’s exactly what Killian needs, his fears falling away, this tender coupling the complete opposite to the last time he was at someone’s mercy. And as well as he knows her to work her up, Emma knows how to do the same to him, and despite the slowness of it all Killian finds himself teetering on that edge far quicker than he’d expected. Emma’s quiet moans and gasps as she rides him lets him know she’s not far behind, and he desperately hopes she’s close enough that he won’t leave her unsatisfied.

“Emma… gods, Emma, I’m…” Killian groans, long and loud in the quiet of the forest, his jaw tight as he struggles to keep himself in check. “I’m going to…”

“It’s okay,” she says, strained and tremulous and breathless and still continuing the same steady, relentless pace, “It’s okay. Come for me, Killian.”

“You first, darling,” Killian grits out because damn it, he’s a gentleman.

But he’s too close, he can feel it, he’s not going to be able to hold out. His rhythm is beginning to stutter and he’s losing control. He is wrecked, his endurance is usually better than this and he has to take a moment to breathe, his forehead falling forwards onto Emma’s shoulder. Thankfully Emma seems to take pity on him, for she pauses her motion while he collects himself. Only a moment, but it’s enough. He can tell she’s close, if he could just-

“Right there, yes, oh god Killian,” Emma gasps, pulling harder at his hair, her fingernails scratching lightly against his back, “Don’t stop, please, please, Killian, I’m so close.”

His response is a growl, primal and desperate, her almost frenzied pleas sending him past the point of no return. He has no intention of stopping. Another panted yes and god and then she’s clenching tight around him, his actions bringing her to her peak and his name tumbles from her lips as she shatters and it’s too much and it’s perfect and – and – and he’s there and nothing else matters as they both fall apart.

-/-

No, actually they were ‘coming together’ in every sense of the phrase, is the first thought Killian’s brain has when he’s able to think anything at all again and he snickers into the juncture of Emma’s neck and shoulder as she remains in his arms, equally as blissed out as he is.

“What’s so funny?” she asks, still out of breath, and Killian’s hand slides up the smooth curve of her back.

“Just thinking.”

He lifts his mouth to hers and kisses her deeply, slowly, pouring all his devotion and gratitude into it, only stopping because he wants to be certain Emma knows how much she means to him.

“Emma, you’re a marvel and I love you.”

“Right back at you,” she says, smiling, sparkling eyes even in the dimness of their shelter, a bit of a flush to her cheeks, “That… that was okay, then?”

She looks unsure now, like she’s pushed him further than he was ready for, like she’s broken her promise, and this was what Killian was concerned about – Emma’s insecurities coming to the forefront. He wants those doubts banished from her mind immediately. He brushes some of her wayward hair behind her ear, his touch lingering against her skin, thumb drawing a path along her jawline on the way back.

“It was perfect, love,” he assures her, “You were perfect. You gave me everything I asked for. And… I hope my performance was satisfactory as well?”

A smirk punctuates his salacious question, a little lift of his left eyebrow and there, the uncertainty is gone from Emma’s face like it never existed, replaced with a rather coy smile that Killian much prefers.

“Very.”

They move, eventually, lying down side by side on the mattress and they remain like that, sharing gentle affections and whispered adoration, for quite some time, until the mood gradually changes to something needy once more. Killian moves over the top of her and smiles wickedly, enjoying the way Emma’s breathing has quickened already before he’s even begun, because now it’s his turn to be in control, and she knows very well what his intentions are. It’s time to repay his beautiful Swan for the pleasure she bestowed upon him.

to be continued...

[incarnateirony]

DM Questions, Round 3.

So yet another list of questions I’ve received in DM that, though anonymously (until the person decides to say it was them), I’m posting for the class because these questions may be bumping around other people’s heads and these answers may help other people too, as the other answer lists seem to be doing. And also to further encourage IT IS OKAY TO DM ME AND ASK THINGS, it doesn’t make anyone stupid or anything, it’s a VERY DIFFERENT THOUGHT PROCESS to try to digest.

Who or what is Death? I kind of had the idea of everything having an opposing/flip side so God/Amara, Adam/Eve, Heaven/Hell, Purgatory/The Empty and had put The Shadow/Death together and it just led to who or what is Death? Life/Death. You’ll notice something though: beyond maybe Adam and Eve, these aren’t necessarily true dualities. God is Light (or stolen Light), Amara is the Absence of Light, because Darkness isn’t a thing, it’s a nonthing. Heaven is supposedly union with God (be that Chuck or understanding man as the true god), hell is the absence of God. Life is the time we know in our bodies on earth, Death is the absence of that. These are non-things humans take as dualities: but again, Absence. Just like the soul as the true good: “What Jack did isn’t evil, it was the absence of good.” We do not take “Has a Soul” and “Soulless” as true dualities. 

If you read the corpus hermeticum, you can actually read about the art of man becoming Deathless--and will recognize some of the base dialogue/concept of Jack talking to the subconscious serpent in the garden (eg, who art thou), but the simple point is, it takes thinking outside of the box of life (and life, in SPN, is literally illustrated as Chuck’s playground) to understand the limitlessness of Death. Life is just a small box in which we adventure, but everything beyond that is technically in “Death.” Death is an infinite vessel, because Death is all the things Life is not in its limited definitions. 

For example, technically the Shadow exists within Death, despite being in the Empty. Why? Because it is not in Life. It births the soul into the idea of Life, but itself exists outside of Life. Ergo, the shadow exists in death, an infinite vessel. This can be hard to wrap around when there’s avatars, but I mean, like Amara: Amara is The Darkness. Ok. It’s nighttime. The sun has gone down so it isn’t putting out light (beyond what the moon reflects (teehee [x] )or unnatural lights provide.) In your home, turn off all your lights. Is the darkness something that exists, or is it something that just doesn’t exist (light) in that space? 

These are the kind of embodied elements they are having run around on our screen right now. Death is everything Chuck’s world is not. Which is also why it tries to be what escorts you into the mental realms once your time in Chuck’s world passes. Once the reaper comes and your clock stops ticking in Chuck’s Swiss Watch. It is your Absence in the sandbox of Life, and something Life Itself was built on top of. To put it simply, Death is the shadow of the world if you will.

With regards to those different places: Heaven = humans with pure souls after death Hell = humans with twisted souls after death Purgatory = monsters (soulless or not?) after death The Empty = Angels/\demons +no souls)after death? That's the long and short of it, yes. Though I think ultimately the point will be disbanding most of these in the end.

So if Cas has a soul why did he go to the Empty? But Jack when he died first time round didn't? Even though the Shadow thought he should have, and then when soulless Jack died he did go there? Same reason the Empty came for Jack to begin with, it considered that made of grace its' own. Even if he had a soul. Now keep in mind I also delineate the hard divide of soul and grace. They are... very different and yet not. I speak of energy in transfer often, be it AC/DC conversion or-- well, I talk of Sun (Soul) and Moon (Mind/Grace) a lot. The moon reflects the light of the sun, the sun is the true light but the moon is a necessary part to maintain life on earth. Now at some point we may propose that there was a conversion (eg, Sacrifice, "When you die and your soul comes to heaven"), but in the back and forth that is Castiel, he's been riding a very fine line about what is what. The Mind, or in our case Grace, is still born FROM light of the souls in creation that it reflects, but at some point Castiel did end up in a very unique condition. Consider it a form of proto-soul, a shadow--*drumroll* that has not had a chance to take its complete journey yet, one that while Metatron spoke he would have, could not yet dream or experience the same way, and still ends up under the weight of the Mind or Grace that was his original form. This is a different construct than, say, being an actual Nephilim as a mixture of the two or embodiment of the Occultum. I will play a game though. If Castiel, hmmmm. I don't know. I'll play fun. Let's sayyyy the Empty comes for Cas in 15.18 like we're all talking about. And thennnnn somewhere amidst Dean taking a hit for Cas (as it looks like will happen) Castiel GATHERS THOSE LAST SPARKS OF GRACE and LOBS IT ALL INTO THE SHADOW to protect Dean, right? That grace is still really only valid within the universe, but with the Shadow entering the universe and soaking it, if the Shadow is the progenator of the human soul, what do you think happens at this point? After all, the soul dreams the world, and births the mind and the body (of self and the universe both), right? So Cas just threw his entire mind, in this TOTALLY PRESUMPTUOUS AND MADE UP idea, into the proto-soul-- what do we imagine happens at this point? And because I'm TOTES MCGOATS being TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL here, I'm just pitching that as a far more... hm, violently visual version of a more subdermal kind of transit going back and forth over the course of our show here. The Mind never truly ceases to exist, even if the power it manifests is only as valuable as the world it is thought of in. On the other hand, the soul is beyond that even still, and can go in and out past these walls, maintaining its form. But a Lesser Mind does not itself have place within the group mind made by Higher Being like souls, ergo, yeeted out into the empty where it floats like a lost part. Does that clarify the idea at all?

Did Cas have a soul before Dean? No. Even in season 6 he confirmed he had no soul. The quote about him receiving a soul happens at the end of season 8, in episode Sacrifice.

If so is this the crack is his chassis which has ultimately caused him to be reset time and again? Unclear what causes that. Maybe Naomi was just being a bitch, IDK.

If he didn't, and it is the Profound Bond that has caused his soul what is the crack in his chassis? Because it seems clear he has never been like other Angels. The Profound Bond at least deeply antagonized any rebelliousness he may have had. It's something Ishim talked about--why they're supposed to stay away from humans. Not because angels are a danger to them, but because humans are a danger to angels, and if you check out the Soul Meta I recently reblogged I have some verrrry long hypothesis about this. (x)

Did Chuck give the orders to reset him, and did Angels other than Naomi know this was happening? Chuck was absent from the world for thousands of years, and I highly doubt the same guy that forgets Cas is around on the daily left a specific aeon-long order list to do X things to Y random angel. We all love Cas on a story front but in the cosmic scale he's just one of a bazillion rando footsoldiers from the heavenly perspective. Naomi seemed more than well aware though since she was partaking in it. Angels were just doing their best to follow daddy's draft notes before he "went out for a pack of smokes and never came back." (season 11)

I can't remember which post I was reading earlier today, but you will know because it was recent, or at least reblogged by you recently: So Cas as the Empress - who feeds young from her own heart - Jack has been eating Grigori hearts - will Cas' be the last one for Jack to be able to "kill" God - which ultimately sends Cas to the Empty - Cas returning in the finale is them defeating the Empty/Death (God is already defeated) and Cas relinquishing his Grace so he is left with just a Soul and can then reside in Heaven after his death? That last chunk was just word vomit after reading the Empress feeds young from her own heart and my brain just wouldn't shut up. Basically, yes, but I bet you dollars to donuts they are gonna make us shit bricks about it between here and there. Be it say, my totally presumed idea above, or even somewhere during the reclamation attempt in the Empty seeming to disappear--IE, the way the fandom lost their SHIT about Rowena following a similar goddess path before HELLO BOYS!! MY SOUL WENT TO HELL BIG SURPRISE!!! -- everyone just spent a few episodes going bananas along the way and then, PLOT TWIST!!!

[justasingaporegirl]

Look I’m really proud of my country and how open and accepting it is but one thing I absolutely HATE about Singapore is the way mental illness is portrayed in the media.

In local TV mentally ill characters usually become that way after a Very Traumatic Incident. It gives the wrong impression that you can only have mental illness if you’ve been through Very Bad Stuff. Things like depression and OCD don’t exist unless you have some trauma to back it up.

Also, the way these characters are written is horrid. I turned the TV to a random show with a character who ‘had a mental regression’ (the programme’s words, not mine) after an accident. Throughout the character’s 7 minutes of screetime in the 45-minute episode she could barely string together a coherent sentence, didn’t look anyone in the eye, did not even recognise her own family members. This is problematic in so many ways.

Firstly, this is perpetuating a stereotype of mental illness. Not all mentally ill people are bumbling idiots with zero brain function. I go to school, have dinner with my family and go out with friends during the holidays. Literally no one, not my classmates or my teachers or my parents, have guessed that I have depression (though a few suspect that something is wrong). You can’t identify a person with mental illness the same way you can identify a person who’s been through a horrific incident through some sort of scar. If you really want to know who around you is mentally ill, you have to dig. Ir’s not like people wear a badge saying “I AM BIPOLAR” on their right forearm.

Second, what even is mental illness? The show i watched never even attempted to identify what exactly this woman was suffering from. Is it PTSD? Depression? Who knows? all the show said was that she suffered ‘a mental regression after an accident’. That’s not helping people to know what mental illness is to begin with. Mental illness isn’t simply 'losing your mind’. Just as how cancer patients still have bodies, mentally ill people are still able to think and feel emotions. It’s just that the way they think and feel is not healthy.

Third, literally every side character in the show either hated her or pitied her. THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO TO A MENTALLY ILL PERSON. Why would you hate a person just because they are ill???? Also, just because a person is mentally ill does not mean we are objects of pity. Just. Treat us like normal people, please, but with extra helpings of compassion and understanding. We don’t need you constantly discussing ‘why is XXX like this’ or ‘how tragic YYY is’. We’re not some tragic novel for you to read and cry over. Love us or leave us, but we don’t need your pity.

Fourth, the way suicide is dealt ohmygosh icanteven. This might be something less restricted to SG TV alone and more universal, but like, in shows when the mentally ill person is standing on the rooftop wanting to jump and the entire kampung and their mothers come out to stand like 30 metres behind them yelling at the person ‘don’t jump, don’t jump’. As someone who has seriously attempted suicide before let me tell you, few people are really screaming and crying when it comes to the moment just before. All the screaming and crying would have been done a long time ago and if they are seriously contemplating suicide, seriously about to go through with it, they should be for the most part calm. And they would not ever EVER engage in a 20-min debate with the whole world about whether or not they should jump. Think about it this way: if you failed to notice how your loved one is suffering and crying for help all this time, what on earth do you think you could say to them now that would make them change their mind? I’m not saying it’s impossible, certainly not, and everyone has different thought processes leading to suicide. but most of the reasons these TV characters give that suddenly convince the person not to jump goes along the line of ‘you have so much to live for, we love you, who’s going to look after your dog if you die’? Do you think every seriously mentally ill person who is at the brink of suicide has not thought about all those things at least a bazillion times? So why do you think that by repeating it they will suddenly turn around and decide not to jump?

Fifth, in literally every show I’ve seen the person who contemplates suicide ends up never going through with it in the end. Just once, I’d like to have the writers be brave enough to let the character take their own life. Let the audience see how their loved ones have to deal with the aftermath and decide for themselves if suicide is worth it or not. Show the world the stark reality of mental illness and suicide and let people talk about it. Don’t just choose the easy way out by having the person change their mind at the last minute and chicken our of killing themselves. Let us really bring the hard issues into the media so that we as a society can witness them and discuss them and make things better for people everywhere.

This is not a pro-suicide or romanticising-mental-illness post. I wish that people were more aware of such things, especially the media-makers who always give me the impression that they want to talk about serious things but don’t know how to talk about it or worse, chicken out of doing it at the last minute. Hopefully people will start to change their opinions on mental illness and make this world a little kinder.

If you are contemplating suicide, don’t hesitate. Get help NOW. I promise you, however futile you think it might be to get help, it will be much more wasted if you don’t even try. Remember, you are loved and wanted even if it doesn’t always seem like it, and you CAN get better if you'd only let yourself. I believe in you :)

[woildismyerster]

Hi can I have a Jojo x Reader where she is really quiet and he's really outgoing and she really likes him a lot and she doesn't know that he likes her back? (your Finch soccer fic has my dead I love it ❤️)

(Dude, thanks.)

The perks of going to a cider mill in the fall included, though were not limited to: pumpkins, corn mazes, apple cider, those cute little gourds that you saw kids carrying around, friggin’ bomb donuts, and the fact that JoJo was going to be there.

The rest of your friends, too, but JoJo.

The major downside to going to a cider mill was the fact that pretty much everybody in the country enjoyed all of those things, so you had to deal with a bazillion other people in the process.

“This is heaven,” JoJo said.  “It’s my favorite thing.”

“Totally.”

“If I see one more little kid in a giant sweater, I might actually die of happiness,” he said.

You grinned at him.  He had been stoked to come, but his delight only increased the longer you stayed.  He ate too much, bought too much, and smiled too much.  It was hard to be uncomfortable about the crowds when he was walking with you.

You looked back toward the corn maze.  “Do you think Race and Albert are out yet?”

“No,” he snorted.  “They won’t finish unless they cheat.”

The boys had never managed to get out of the maze without cutting through the rows of corn, but they were convinced that this was the year.  This was the year that they would actually win the maze, and it would be purely aboveboard.

You and JoJo had finished a half hour prior, and the boys hadn’t come out yet.

“We should go through again,” you said.  JoJo gave a slow, deliciously sly smile while you continued.  “I want to lap them.”

“I love it,” he said, and dragged you back to the entrance.

Race, JoJo, and Albert had always been as thick as thieves.  Since most activities were better suited for two people than three, you often tagged along on whatever fun they had planned.  Realistically, you knew that you were there to keep someone from being left out.  In practice, it was easy to pretend that you had been included on merit alone.

You ended up with a different boy in different situations.  Race would grab you when he needed somebody to make him look less problematic.  Albert was as suspect as Race was, and JoJo’s smile could convince anybody that some master plan had been executed.  If Race was standing by you, he just might get away with something.

Albert liked working with you academically.  Even if the two of you couldn’t figure out how to do the work, he stood a better chance at paying attention if you say with him.

JoJo stood with you during social situations.  It was strange; he absolutely adored socializing, and you always felt a step behind in large groups.  It would have made more sense for him to hang out with people who loved public situations, but he always ended up with you.

Maybe it was a pity pairing.  Maybe he just liked you well enough to choose you above all others.  You wouldn’t complain either way.

You ran into Race and Albert about halfway through.  “Hey, guys.  Having a rough time?”

Albert gave a relieved sigh at the sight of you.  “Man, it’s harder than usual this year.  I don’t know how they can expect kids to figure this out.”

JoJo gave a small squeak in his attempt not to laugh.  “Totally.  How long have you been at it?”

Race checked his phone.  “Over an hour.”  He frowned.  “What do you mean?  You’re still in here too.”

JoJo looked at you.  “This is, what, our sixth time through?  Seventh?”

You squinted at the sky.  “Let’s see - there was the first time -”

“The time we did it blindfolded -”

“Hopping on one foot -”

Albert took off his beanie and smacked you with it.  “You guys are the worst.”

JoJo laughed.  “Just because you guys don’t know how to read a map -”

“Using the map is cheating,” Race said haughtily.  “That’s why you guys finished so fast.”

“Well,” you said, “we didn’t use it the time we were blindfolded, so there’s that.”

JoJo linked his arm with yours on the way out of the maze, and you thought you could understand why couples liked going to cider mills together.  It was easy to imagine loving someone in a place like this.  

It was just as easy to imagine loving him later that night, when the atmosphere was different and JoJo was the same.

The fact was, JoJo was easy to like.  He smiled a lot, and laughed at most of your jokes.  He made you funnier.  He made you feel smarter.  He made you feel like you could probably talk to people more, if you really wanted to.  He made you feel like a much better version of yourself, and that was a dangerous was to feel.  Feeling that way was addictive, and hard to come down from.

“I’m telling you, we could be the best cryptid hunters,” JoJo insisted.  He made the pitch every few weeks.  After graduation, he said, the two of you ought to buy one of those Mystery Machine style vans and scrounge North and South America for creatures in hiding.  

If the suggestion hadn’t always arisen after he thought about things like college and careers, you might have taken him a little more seriously.

“You just want to be like Buzzfeed Unsolved,” you said.

He shifted in his chair to look at you directly.  “We’ll be better than that.  We’ll be straight up Ghostbusters.  But, like, without capturing the cryptids.  You know what I mean.”

You did.  “Which one would you be?”

“Which one is the cutest?”  He laughed when you threw a pillow at him.  “We’ll be our own thing.  No comparisons necessary.”

JoJo would be Bill Murray.  He would be the one who had no trouble talking to people, who people wanted to have answers for.  You wouldn’t be so good at that, but it was fun to imagine a life where you were.  If that life included traveling the world with your best friend, even better.

“Let’s do it,” he sighed again.

“Alright,” you said.  “You buy the van.  I’ll handle snacks.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

“If we do it long enough, I’m sure that I’ll match your expenses.”  He rolled his eyes at you, so you made a sound of defeat.  “Alright, I’ll design and buy our t-shirts, too.”

“Oh, big spender,” he teased.  

“Your plan, your losses,” you said.  “You’ll be lucky enough to have my company.”

“That’s the truth,” he said.  “JoJo and Y/N, dream team.  No doubt.”  When he said it like that, you believed him.  

You went to grab a drink from the kitchen, hoping that the break in the conversation would remind you that it was only ever like this when nobody else was around.  It wasn’t realistic to imagine a life with JoJo being exactly the way it was when it was just the two of you.  There would always be other people.  There would always be other plans.  JoJo would end up with somebody more like him, and you would end up hanging out on your own.

“You’re very quiet,” the old woman said thoughtfully.

“Yeah,” you agreed.  You weren’t sure that there was a good response to that.

“You should smile more,” she said.  “People won’t mind as much if you smile more.”

You winced.  There definitely wasn’t a good, kind response to that.

JoJo took a step forward, positioning himself so he was almost more of a part of the conversation than you were.  It was a relief to step away.  “Y/N only smiles when there’s something to smile about.  She’s great that way.”

The old woman made a few polite, mildly appalled sounds before excusing herself to talk to somebody else.

“Jesus Christ,” JoJo said, nearly impressed.  “Family friends are the worst.”

“Preach.”

“Old people birthday parties are supposed to be cute,” he said.  “She wasn’t cute at all.”

You laughed.  “She really wasn’t.”

“You aren’t too quiet.”

“I know,” you said.  That wasn’t quite true; you probably were too quiet, at times.  It just seemed like no matter how much you talked to people, you never got much better at it.  Your friends were some of the only people who made talking feel like less than a chore, and that was hard to explain.  It was easier to sit back and let other people lead.

“And you smile often enough,” he said.  “As long as you’re smiling at my jokes, you’re filling the quota.”

You nodded, nearly rolling your eyes.  “Totally.  As long as I hang out with you all the time, nobody can ever say that I’m not smiling enough.”

“Easy enough,” JoJo said cheerily.  “We’ll have to hang out more.  We’ll have to be literally attached at the hip.”

“Literally?”

“Literally,” he said solemnly.

“That’s gross,” you said.

JoJo laughed, and nobody could have said that you weren’t smiling enough.  Nobody would have thought that you were too quiet.

“Race is probably gonna, like, be one of those high school teachers that pretends that he can be best friends with the students.”  Elmer was laying on his back, taking his shot at imagining what everybody’s future would be like.  “The one that tries to use cool slang and rag on other teachers, you know?”

Race made an appalled sound.  “I would never be a teacher.”

“But you won’t deny the fake cool thing?”

“I would never be a teacher,” he said again, and you laughed.

Everybody thought that Davey would be one of those professors that had elbow patches.

Mush would own some sort of business, and his workers would be grossly overpaid because he’s too good for the universe.

Katherine would, of course, be a writer.  A scathing, world changing writer.

“JoJo and Y/N are probably going to get married someday,” Katherine said dreamily.  She took one of the cookie pieces off of her Oreo, careful not to peel up any frosting in the process.  “They’ll have normal jobs, and normal kids, and be the happiest of all of us.”

Jack applauded.  “Way to go, guys.  Mad props.”

You gave an uncomfortable smile, careful not to meet JoJo’s eyes.  “Yeah, no, I don’t think JoJo and I would work out.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Katherine scoffed.  Some of the guys agreed, and Katherine raised her eyebrows at you as though the consensus alone proved that you were wrong.  “You guys would be great.  You always make sure that the other person is happy.  What more could you want?”

“That’s not - I’m not saying that we wouldn’t make each other happy.  JoJo is my main man,” you said.  You grinned at him; maybe most of the words weren’t happy ones, but JoJo being your friend would always be a happy thing.  Whether you were satisfied with it or not, JoJo was always a source of happiness.  “He’s the best.  But we’re really different.”

JoJo leaned forward in his seat.  “How?”

“Like, you really like being around people.  I don’t like that at all,” you said.

“You’re people,” he pointed out.  “I’m just as jazzed when it’s the two of us as I am with thirty other people.”

“Everything makes you smile.  I’m hardly ever as happy as you,” you said.

He shrugged, nearly letting soda slosh over the rim of his cup.  “If I make you smile, that’s good enough.”

You threw your hands up, defeated and a little annoyed.  “If you’re so hellbent on proving me wrong, let’s just date.”  There was something scathing and sarcastic about the way you said it, but JoJo was unbothered.

“Okay,” JoJo said.  “Let’s date.”

A hush fell over the room.  You gaped at JoJo, and he stared back with no trace of humor on his face.

“Let’s give them some privacy,” Katherine said.  For once, nobody fought her.  For once, all of your friends managed to keep their heads out of everybody else’s business.  They left the basement, and you were alone with JoJo.

“I like you,” JoJo said.  “A lot.  I’m not saying that you have to agree to marry me now, but I think that you and I being You-and-I is worth a shot.”

“I had no idea that you liked - that you wanted -” you croaked.

“Everybody else did,” he said wryly.  “Seriously, everybody else knows.  People in China probably know.”

You didn’t know what to say.  This wasn’t how you imagined things going.  Really, you hadn’t imagined it much at all.  You hadn’t ever thought that there was a point to imagining this.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he said seriously.  “I know that the whole cryptid hunting thing is never going to happen.  If you don’t want to be together like that, I won’t be upset with you.”

“I really want that,” you said.  That, at least, you knew for sure.  “I do want to be together like that.”

“Really?”

“That would be my favorite thing,” you said, and he laughed.  He laughed, and you thought that maybe the two of you weren’t too different after all.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Mom and I listened to Chernow’s biography of Hamilton before seeing the play and I want to write down some of my favorite hot facts that were basically “WHAT A SOAP OPERA  ALL THESE GUYS ARE SO FUCKING PETTY” dont try to nitpick for accuracy on these they’re heavily paraphrased take them with a grain of salt i’m just writing this so i can remember the basics

-I think actually maybe the most hilarious and admittedly brave thing Hamilton did was very early on, a bunch of revolutionary guys came to lynch his prof from Kings College for being a loyalist. Even though they weren’t on the same side, Hamilton was there for his prof, so he actually BLOCKED THIS ANGRY MOB at the staircase and LECTURED them to give his prof time to escape. He was like “blablabla U GUYS R HURTING THE CAUSE >:(” and somehow they didn’t all kill him and he successfully delayed them. Amazing.

-Hamiltons mom was AN EXTREME BADASS, basically her mother sold her off to marry this mean guy and she HATED HIM and he hated her for not being submissive enough and she was like “screw you” and just..left. So he threw her in prison for adultery! like literally prison! and it was prison that wasn’t even used for anything else she was the only one in the prison. He thought this would finally make her submissive but instead she basically skipped town the second she was let out and NEVER CAME BACK. So she was still married to this dude the whole time, which is why she couldn’t marry Hamilton’s dad. 

(also after Hamilton’s dad left she ran a shop to support her family, which was unusual for a young woman to do back then, but she was independent like whoa)

unfortunately she also had a son with her first husband that she left behind with when she ran away(in her defense, I imagine she didn’t have the means to support him at the time and also would have gotten caught if she went back for him), so her first husband turned her son against her, reminding him all the time that she abandoned him and saying she was evil...so when she died the son basically came in and claimed all of the property she’d left and rendered his orphaned half-brothers homeless.NOT VERY NICE AT ALL.

-James Monroe and two other dudes were actually the ones who confronted Hamilton about possible speculation and he invited them to his house and gave this WHOLE HOUR LONG presentation on his affair, with a bazillion papers and letters as proof. Like about fifteen minutes in, everyone realized they were wrong and were like “okay we’re very sorry for poking our nose into your private matters we believe you we’ll leave you alone” but Hamilton was like “NO I’M NOT DONE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD IT ALL YET” and went through the entire thing in ridic self-flagellating detail while his audience just cringed. Afterwards one of the guys was like “that was one of the most humiliating things i’ve ever witnessed”

-Anyway James Monroe definitely probably leaked the Reynolds documents Hamilton showed him even though he swore not to show them to anyone. YES A FUTURE PRESIDENT WHO COULD NOT BE TRUSTED WE’RE ALL SURPRISED.Hamilton was SO mad about this he wrote to him basically saying “YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE OR MEET ME OUTSIDE” because that was his response to everything.  Burr was actually chosen as the mediator for this because he was friendly to both of them at the time and he basically tried to calm them both down and prevent a duel. Monroe had initially said he believed that Hamilton wasn’t embezzling or speculating or whatever, but then he was like “UH I CHANGED MY MIND I’VE DECIDED NOW YOU ARE” which made Hamilton SO mad. Burr actually chastised Monroe about this, basically like “c’mon, we both know Hamilton would never betray his office, I know it, you know it, It’s Hamilton.” Anyway Burr saved Hamilton from dueling James Monroe.

But do you know who ELSE would have probably been fine dueling James Monroe? ELIZA. She was, rightfully, very pissed at him for exposing something that hurt her so much. Monroe did his time as president, and once it was over, he decided he wanted to patch things up with her (Hamilton was long dead by this time ofc, and Eliza was elderly). So he came to her house and Eliza was Not Happy when a servant reported his arrival. Hamilton’s kids remembered “her voice got low like it always does when she’s angry”. She went to see him in their living room and he was all “So, Eliza, a lot has happened and there was fault on both sides”-

and she was basically like “EXCUSE ME??? IS THAT AN APOLOGY? BECAUSE IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE AN APOLOGY. IF YOU’RE HERE TO ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE I’LL LISTEN TO IT. BUT IF YOU’RE GONNA GIVE ME SOME WEAK “BLAME ON BOTH SIDES” BULLSHIT I’M NOT HERE FOR IT. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING BUT YOU SAYING SORRY THAT YOU BETRAYED MY LATE HUSBAND AND RUINED OUR LIVES. IF YOU CAN’T SAY THAT, THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE”.

Monroe was flabbergasted, and apparently it was too much for him to give an actual apology, so he just left. So let the record show Eliza schooled an ex-president and kicked him out of her house.

-everything relating to Phillip and Hamilton’s duels was super sad. When he was waiting to hear about the results of Phillip’s duel with the doctor (or someone) Hamilton was so overcome with anxiety he actually fainted. He had to be propped up by two people during the funeral because he was so unsteady. Not only did he fall into his first bout of lethargic depression and actually didn’t write anything for a good while (a big deal for him) he didn’t even answer sympathy notes until four months later (also a big deal for him).

-According the doctor, in his own duel, Hamilton knew it was a mortal wound as soon as he was shot. He collapsed, but came to on the boat and the first thing he said was “GUYS BE CAREFUL OF HANDLING THAT PISTOL IT’S STILL LOADED IT COULD GO OFF I DIDN’T ACTUALLY SHOOT IT BUT PLEASE REMEMBER TO TELL EVERYONE I WAS GOING TO THROW AWAY MY SHOT” He did actually shoot it of course, but he fact he didn’t seem to know this makes it seem more likely he just accidentally squeezed the trigger when he was shot.

- the other thing he kept babbling about was how they should get Eliza but break it to her gradually. in stages. Ease her into it. Which it’s nice you’re considerate of her feelings NOW, wish you’d been considerate enough NOT TO DO THE DUEL.

-anyway the description of his death in the bio was very sad and he said he didn’t hold anything against Burr and was at peace though so i guess that’s nice.

-in contrast Burr was such an ASSHOLE about Hamilton’s death omg

-Before I go into WHAT A GIANT ASS JERK HE IS I will give Burr one credit: he believed strongly women were equal to men, and made sure Theodosia was educated in everything, and even had her taught to shoot from horseback. Like he really wanted to make sure his daughter knew how to kill stuff from a horse. i respect that.

-what I don’t respect is that Hamilton actually has EXTREMELY GOOD REASON to feel he couldn’t be trusted in office- there was this whole drama where after New York had a yellow fever epidemic, Burr started pushing this Manhattan water company that would provide clean water to the public, which would be a huge help with yellow fever. He got Hamilton on board with it. But his real plan was actually to sneak in some last minute provisions to the water company bill that basically turned it from a water company to a bank that could complete with Federalist banks. Not only compete with them, but have less restrictions to them. So he basically tricked Hamilton into pushing through a bill that was designed to undermine his own beloved banks. Hamilton was PRETTY PISSED, and I can’t blame him for that. Not to mention, the water company obviously never happened, and other water companies weren’t set up because everyone thought it would be covered- so when yellow fever came back to new york? No clean water, lots of deaths, some of which could have probably been prevented if Burr hadn’t been a greedy asshole.

-Burr showed some signs of regret immediately after the duel, moving towards Hamilton and wanting to talk to him, but he pretty much treated it pretty callously after that. Actually, he want to have breakfast afterwards, and his cousin came to visit and they chatted and HE ACTED COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NEVER MENTIONED HE’D LITERALLY JUST KILLED THE FORMER SECRETARY OF TREASURY. When Burr’s cousin went into town afterwards someone told him what had happened and cuz was like “nah you gotta be wrong i was just with him and he didn’t mention anything like that at all! He seemed completely normal!” then he saw a newspaper and was like “WHAT THE FUCK.”

-he also happily went around sleeping with tons of ladies after the duel and even wrote to Theodosia saying “I actually recommend doing a duel and courtship at same time it keeps ya invigorated” AND WOW WHAT A SUPER APPROPRIATE THING TO WRITE TO YOUR DAUGHTER. Maybe Theodosia was glad to die at sea after reading that. Anyway, the only sign of regret Burr really showed was “the world was wide enough” quote (which might have been a dark joke, but I think there was a grain of truth in it regardless, like Lin Manuel says, who knows).

-Burr was in incredible debt- (so was Hamilton when he died- Eliza’s inheritance from her dad wasn’t enough to cover it but fortunately all of Hamilton’s friends came together and secretly gave Eliza money to cover it which is nice. Jefferson was in SO much debt when he died his entire estate and 200 slaves were all sold to cover it. yeah he didn’t free anyone besides the slaves who were his children in his will, an asshole to the end.) so he left the country to escape creditors in addition to the murder charges and used a pseudonym. 

-Burr also had this weird fucking plan to become emperor of mexico or seize spanish florida or some shit and was plotting it, and he was actually tried for treason because of this! Thomas Jefferson REALLY REALLY wanted Burr to get punished and put all the pressure he could on the Supreme Court to find him guilty and it was test of our constitutional powers- would the supreme court bow down to the president? turns out no, since Burr got off.

-However, he wasn’t unscathed- a SHIT-TON of people close to him died around the time Theodosia died and he was devastated and basically a recluse afterwards (life doesn’t discriminate...) He married a second wife, but she then realized he was fucking terrible with money and was going to drive her into poverty with his shitty land deals (also she was nearly 20 years younger- I wonder if she was counting on him dying and leaving her something and then realized he was going to die and leave her with DEBT instead). So she got- DRUMROLL- ALEXANDER HAMILTON’S SON, ALEX JR, TO DIVORCE THEM. such a asshole move honestly, i gotta respect it, you go girl. Burr might not have been able to tell what was going on though since he was having strokes and stuff. She managed to divorce him JUST IN TIME, on the day of his death.

-honestly i’m most interested in the petty drama of history and how all these people were just behaving like they’re five and fucking up constantly and listening to this biography proved that to me. people are so ridiculous.

[alyjojo]

20 memories & isms I love about you.

1. He sent me flowers at work. Twice 🥰

2. He left work to help me fix my tire, outside my ex’s house. Never drove on a highway before that day. (no I shouldn’t have dated the guy, but that particular Gemini is the asc degree of our composite chart, he’s the reason we ever met at all, and hubby is the reason we broke up so...lesson learned)

3. He made me eat his mom’s food. Not only that but excitedly. He’d be like “mom is making hot spaghetti and you’re gonna come over and have some”...I’d say no thx 20 times but he wasn’t hearing it. Hot spaghetti day. I felt weird having someone’s mom cook for me. She probably felt weird too tbh, but he was so over the top happy about mom, food, and me, that it didn’t seem to matter and worked out fine 😆

4. He’s so forward, and bold as hell. I’m irritatingly shy and very guarded. Literally the only way he got me was because he’d act before I could really even think about it or think myself out of it. Winners mind.

5. He moved me into his moms house. I was not ok. Not not not. My pride is...well it exists, and burns like fire whenever help is given. I will never ask in all my life and idc, feels better that way. Will gladly die first. My rotors were broken though (I could write a book just about car problems fr), I needed two and it was gonna take awhile. I’d be in the city and he’d be way out there. He’s like nah. You stay. He insisted...and I stayed. Staying was not a me thing, he changed that.

6. He gave me a baby. After all of the years I didn’t have periods, needed pills to have a normal body, all of the times I talked myself out of that sort of life altogether because I clearly didn’t have the guy (ex was not a kid guy) or the working body parts to even do that, must not be for me. First time in our new apartment, boom baby.

7. First time in our slightly bigger and nicer apartment, boom baby 2. We started actually using protection after she was born. Clearly we can.

8. He worked stupidly long hours and put up with so many people that just had no fn clue, it put a strain on everything, most of all him. When he got the offer for Indy, I pushed it. And pushed it. And pushed. May as well have pushed him right out the door, we were going, because those people suck and you’ll never get the chance to be seen while you’re doing that glorified delivery guy’s job for him. We’re going. So, we did, and he got me out of this damn state. At least once.

9. He loved getting lost with me, and it was my favorite thing. Indiana is a beautiful state and I encourage anyone to get lost there, on purpose.

10. I forgot work. He caused some serious change. Everyone else lost their job, including hubby’s favorite person ever, Jonathan. Today he’s the sole survivor of a mom and pop shop, and I’m so unbelievably proud of him. The best part though, is two of the guys from work used to come see me at my new work all the time, with all their bar bitches 😆 They were my favorite people, I was always so excited to see them. Hubby tried to get them back on, and did for one of them. And when the bigger boss needed a new smaller boss bc hubby was leaving the state, hubby fought like hell for Jonathan. Like Highlander, there can only be one *sksksksksksk* They looked at a couple and hubs was like no only Jon knows the ways of the force. They hired him back, Jon has sent him some of the sweetest thank you messages...it changed his life, and hubs still loves him very much. It’s adorable.

11. Screamy baby Shmoo, she was a screamy baby, and so very beautiful. Baby Bam was like a dream, she was the perfect baby in every way. My screamy baby Shmoo was also a perfect baby, with a pitch that could break glass and sometimes she just wanted to practice for hours. Usually I got her to bed with mama snuggles & milk, singing Alison Krauss and rocking. Sometimes though, on the roughest nights, it’d be over an hour before I’d open the door with screamy baby still in a fit, and he’d take her. He’s so warm and calm, he’d win every single time, and I’d be like...zzzzz tysm ily tyty zzzz....

12. His jokes. He’s not funny (yes he is don’t tell him). He thinks he’s funny. He jokes all day every day about everything always. The girls know when dad says something to be skeptical bc he said they gotta go outside and till the land with tiny shovels, and when I roll my eyes they know he’s full of it. What’s funnier, his mom was the kind of person that took things literally always. Every time him and his goofy dad were being sarcastic, I’d have to tell her that because they’d have her believing crazy stuff. My kids share a lot of her isms, that’s one. My son absolutely does not joke, he is quite literal (so far), and I always have to scold hubby or tell lil guy nooooo he’s kidding. I don’t talk about his silliness nearly enough and I should, that’s him ❤️

13. His relationship with his mom. His mom was always on the...I wouldn’t say weaker side, but older, regular pain, on disability. He was her BABY. Her eyes lit up like Christmas when he entered the room. She loves him so so much. His sister... You know the kind, or...just imagine, probably close. He hated it. He got his job pretty young and just kept it. Always had money, always offered to help his mom, always was like IM FINE MOM. She just wanted to do for him, and he’s always been the kind of guy that wants to do for himself. And she was so funny, she’d slip $20 into the diaper bag and tell me “don’t tell him”, putting it on me. So we’d get in the car. And I’d be like there’s $20 in the diaper bag, knowing he’s gonna be pissed if he finds it (she needs it). And he’d get it, run into the house, set it on her table, and run out the door while she ran after him hollering protests 😆 Lots of other stories too. I miss her so much, I can’t even imagine how much he must.

14. His relationship with his sister, and other whirlwind people. He’s like a rock. I’ve spent lots of time with his sister, but not at once. The one day I did, I came home and my brain was so full of her bazillion ideas and impulsive let’s do this and just one thing, opposite thing, different subject, back to the subject, hey let’s do this, omg I have an idea. I love her to death but I had to sit and just...dump my brain. Ask myself for my own input bc I’d lost wtf...what were we doing again?!? Him though? Doesn’t miss a beat. No...no...no...I’ll think about it...no...no..change subject. No issue saying no. Back then I was like thank god, girl would have me on a cruise to Aruba tomorrow with costume jewelry and black face before I could even think to protest. Not him.

15. Making up. The difference between Taurus moon and Sag moon is that Taurus moon stays mad for the rest of their lives (hello...) and Sag moon wakes up in the morning like nothing happened in the history of ever. This was something that irritated me THE MOST. Don’t make me laugh, I’m pissed at you. Over the years, it became the only way we’d talk at all sometimes. Is certainly the only reason we made up, countless times. He never stopped trying to make me smile, even if I wanted nothing to do with it.

16. Acts of Service. Is not mine, which is either words time or touch and I really can’t decide which. All. He speaks a whole other language. He will let me nap, or take the kids somewhere, he will spontaneously clean or go grocery shopping, walk the dog, mow the lawn, hang out at the birthday party. It didn’t start right away, more and more as he learned my isms. He’ll make me coffee as I’m coming down the stairs. I rarely have to ever ask for any practical thing. He knows my orders for anything, recently there’s been twice that he literally read my mind before I spoke. I try to do the same for him as much as I can, because I know that’s his language and I really appreciate him.

17. Bedroom games. The man knows my body like a map, no, an Excel spreadsheet 😭, and how to get every reaction he’s looking for. He is the only man to ever satisfy my insatiable ass. He made me a whole new person in that regard. He says the same about me. Never an issue there. It’s this far down the list cuz it’s not the most important, but it’s pretty important too so there that is.

18. We share the same goals. We judge the same way, like why did they wrap this like that it looks sketchy. We parent the same. We decide the same. We critically think and weigh ideas the same. We walk the same line in the same direction. If anything he’s too negative sometimes, but that’s his own personal thing. Can’t be full of Capricorn and not lean more toward pessimism (not “realism”) sometimes I think. If it’s worth it, I’ll try to coax him to middle ground. Sometimes it’s a battle, but only if I’m really sure. Usually, he’s right, so I just let him lead.

19. When I was pregnant with my son. Initially. It was hell. His car was trashed, mine was broken and thousands of dollars to fix (this particular car in this particular year has this and what a coincidence it was particularly my problem...cars, I’m telling ya). I was two feet out the door with his shit, but his sister’s issues led to my heart. Because her kids. I love them very much, of course they can stay here and not with some strange person hell no. I cannot describe how angry I was at him. HE strapped backpacks onto his back and walked to the nearest store. Hauled so much crap in a huge backpack and just his arms. Over the course of two months. He quit drinking. He went above and beyond to do get offer or provide anything I could even imagine. More romantic then I think I’d ever seen him before. At least...it had been some time anyway. Of course...he was lying to me. The whole time. To what extent idk. Regarding the work shit, idk. Thus the question and the dream and the crazy and the...crazy 😞 Wanted to piss me off boy he got that tenfold. His actions during this time period are 💯 why I stayed. He was clearly trying like hell to prove to me he could try, and it’s more than anyone I’ve ever known has even bothered to “bother” with. I was impressed, and proud. Respect counts for a lot more than love sometimes, and at the time I respected him.

20. He’s an amazing father. There are so many stories I couldn’t possibly write them all. Our son though, he chose daddy, right from the start. Nothing like our daughters, nor any kid I’d known. He’d scream, FOR his dad. He’d only sleep on his shoulder. Hubby held this baby for hours on end. If he didn’t baby would demand it, but it was very natural to them both. Baby wanted a bottle, and hubby to give it to him. It blew my mind. Hubby got his little teammate and together they’ve changed my life and perspective in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined.

I’ve spent so long sporadically venting on here that I don’t think I’ve ever posted the sweet things. So many great memories and daily...everything...are missing, so many years and little moments. That would take forever. Its always been my frustrations, which was the purpose. This is my heart. No matter what happens, all of these things will always be true.

[m0oranshi]

Belgium has great healthcare. But...

People always say how awesome European hospitals are. Healthcare is epic of course, but I’m retracting my understanding of hospitals. Maybe it’s this chain of hospitals just in Belgium though, but my god, did I have one of the worst experiences in my life. Let me welcome you to Hell.

I’ve been to hospitals before and it was always just fine, though the ones I went to were pretty pricey, so I found it absurd when I heard how they treated my mom a few years back when she broke her hip and back. She was rushed in with a stretcher and then she laid there in a hallway in agony for half a day. She couldn’t speak or yell because of the pain and she had wetted the bed while crying because nobody looked after her. She had to take a bazillion photo’s before they finally figured out her injuries were extremely serious. Before they didn’t even realise she had broken her hip and completely had overlooked it. She laid in a hospital bed for a week, and whenever they brought her food it was on a high pedastal that she obviously couldn’t reach because she couldn’t move. Can you imagne the torture in that.

I’ve severed a muscle in my shoulder three days back, and me being an idiot I thought the pain would simply wane, but the next day I was seeing double because of nausea and wanted to die. I managed to go to a hospital, but I was weary because it had the same name of the one my mom went to. The whole time I felt like a piece of meat. I was so humilliated and nothing good came out of it.

I would think the first thing you do when someone comes in, barely in balance because of pain, was to at least give a pain-killer, seems logical to me, but no. I Had to wait an hour in one waiting room, another in another, and then two hours in another and that one was pure hell, (mind you I went to emergency too.)

In the second one, I felt a bit guilty for crying in pain because there was a young lady and her leg was completely out of place, and that seemed way worse. Nobody even talked to her while we were waiting, at least I got a doctor who spend a whole 3 minutes looking at my schoulder, bending it in ways it couldn’t and asked me to move my head a few times. He kept saying ‘nah this is fine this is okay’ while clearly I didn’t feel fine or okay. He ASKED ME ‘should we take pictures?’ WELL I DON’T KNOW, I’M SURE YOU ARE THE DOCTOR IN THIS SCENARIO.

He said ‘somebody will be right there for you’ (which ended up being another 40 minutes) and then me and the lady with the messed up leg had to walk to yet another waiting room. She was dragging her leg behind (nobody had the bright idea to give her crutches or anything) and in the third waiting room, I lost it. Silently, but I did lose it.

We were told to sit in a very small room with other patients, stacked like sardines, with nobody knowing what the hell was going on. There were people in agony in stretchers, just like my mom had told me, discarded in the hallway. An older woman sat next to me in a wheelchair, her eyes seemed to be rolling back every now and then, and a guy way younger than me kept saying to her ‘yeah I think it’s your turn’, pushed her wheelchair a little, then realised something and left her again. He also didn’t know what he was doing but to me that was just salt on her wounds.

With the minute the air got harder to breathe, so I went to try and seek some refuge in the toilets. Low and behold, it looked like a horror movie with shit stained paper all over the place and buckets pouring over with crap.

I got extremely claustrophobic and emotional with how unfairly people were being treated, (like I said, meat, not people) that I had a hard time not to start hyperventilating and I decided that enough was enough and I bolted. At least, I would have, if I could.

Disoriented by the pain I tried to locate where I had come in, but all doors were locked and I felt like a prisoner. I walked around aimlesslty for a long time until I finally managed to find my way to some people behind desks and I had no idea where I was but I knew I had to get out before I broke down completely. I know it’s probably stupid, but I don’t regret for a second I didn’t stay for the photo’s. I wished to be able to better convey how scared I felt for my life for a second, sounds weird but be in so much pain put in such an environment... you go into survival mode. So fuck the photo’s. I got escorted out and I had never felt more relieved to hear brain-grating construction works on the outside.

So yeah, I’ll be probably be paid back 75% of the expenses made in that pointless travel, but that’s the point: it was pointless and more stress than I needed. I know one thing thanks to that 3 minute evaluation: my shoulder isn’t broken. Thanks, I guess. I could have just called my own doctor for that. But mostly thanks for opening my eyes of how little you think of actual human beings once they are down.

Don’t get me started on how abhorrent they treat mental health emergencies, I could write a book about that one, Belgium is known for it and it might even be worse than this.

[hufflepuffdean]

Dean/Cas Fic Recs

I don’t think I’d bothered to update my fic recs since like, mid-S9 MAYBE. dozens of my faves were missing. so of course this is what I did with my vacation time. long fics, drabbles, and all seasons included here - enjoy! I really could have included so many more; fandom is so great and talented. <3 (alphabetical order, and I separated canon and AU.)

CANON

Absolution by omphalos and wolfling. 100K+, NC-17. Against his better judgement, Castiel offers Dean a way to save Sam. (Part of a three-part series, the third part of which was never written. Absolution stands on its own, though, as does its sequel Kin.)

alive with closed eyes by MajorEnglishEsquire. 1K, NC-17. i will take the sun in my mouth

All the Neighbors Might Think by murron. 5K, NC-17. It’s not like Dean needs company on Christmas Eve.

All the Pebbles in Your Path by thegrrrl2002. 12K, NC-17. Dean takes an unexpected trip. It's up to Cas to get him home again.

The Allure of Hidden Lace by Dangerousnotbroken. 9K, NC-17. Now that they've got the bunker, an actual home to live in and a place to cultivate comfort, Dean finds himself creating routines, exprimenting in the kitchen, and enjoying life off the road. He also finds that it's pretty impossible to escape the watchful eye of a former angel who seems pretty goddamned observant.

Après by imogenbynight. 24K, NC-17. When the angels stop falling and Castiel makes his way out of the trees, he finds himself alone and oceans away from the Winchesters. For once, Dean flies to him.

Assimilation by komodobits. 6K, PG-13. Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

A Baby, a Lizard Monster, Two Hunters, and an Angel Walk Into a Bar by planiforidjit. 13K, NC-17. A baby shows up on front steps of the bunker and Sam and Dean have no choice but to take it in. They don't know where it came from or how someone knew to drop the baby with them, but with Cas's help they're trying to find out.

Beneath Your Bones, Where I Reside by wolfrock. 3K, NC-17. Set right after "My Bloody Valentine." Castiel hears Dean praying out in the scrap yard and goes to extremes to show him that Famine was wrong when he said his soul was broken.

The Best of All Instructors by theskywasblue. 2K, NC-17. Dean teaches Cas to shoot, Cas teaches Dean something entirely different.

The Best of Fools by fanforfanatic. 1K, PG. ‘The label is misleading’ is Cas’ initial reaction. There is no music on Dean’s Top 13 Zepp Traxx, at least not until the very end.

Blueberry, Rhubarb, and Apple by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. Castiel may just be rhubarb.

Bodies Shine Together in the Darkness by dorkilysoulless. 5K, NC-17. Angels aren't marble statues. Not really. And who better to teach Hannah those lessons than Castiel? (Endgame Dean/Cas/Hannah.)

a breathing thing by mishcollin. 1K, G. She's always been a home to Dean's love -- this is her purpose.

Bring Up the Deep by beenghosting. 23K, NC-17. They went back and forth on whether or not to make the drive until Sam found an article in the town’s local paper dated a week earlier about a lobster fisherman who swore a monster sank his boat.

Build a Home by domesticadventures. 20K, PG. After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t.

Bulletproof by nyoka. 5K, NC-17. It’s been weeks since Purgatory, but Dean still feels it on his skin.

Casturbatus Interruptus by smallhorizons. 6K, NC-17. Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

a cave, a cathedral. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG. He does come home with you. He does.

Come Again? by xaandria. 17K, NC-17. The unintended application of an ancient nuptial blessing leaves Cas and Dean at each others' mercy, having bestowed upon them the ability to both experience and influence the other's sexual sensations for the space of ten days. Any other two people with sense would swear off any and all carnal activity until the blessing runs its course, but when have Cas and Dean ever had any sense when it comes to what the other is feeling?

The Consequences of Falling by FayJay. 37K, NC-17. A story in fifteen parts, in which the angel Castiel finds himself put in an untenable position, and consequentially loses his grace. In which he goes on a roadtrip with a demon, discovers the delights of tequila and french fries and pie, plays a starring role in a virgin sacrifice, is deflowered by his favourite Winchester, and then gets some very unpleasant news indeed. (Spoilers: the MCD in the tags isn't permanent and the non-con isn't between Dean and Cas.)

Crossing the Sea by thegrrrl2002. 21K, NC-17. The apocalypse is over, and Dean has Sam back, safe and sound. All should be well with his world, but Dean's still coping with the emotional fallout and feeling more than a little off-balance, Meanwhile, Sam is convinced there's a monster living in Lake Superior but they can't seem to find it, although there's plenty of good pie and fishing trips to be had. Plus there's Castiel, who pops back into Dean's life, and gets way into Dean's personal space. He's dealing with his own issues -- being the new sheriff of heaven isn't turning out quite the way he thought it would.

Dean (and Cas') Top 13 Zepp Traxx by pantheon_of_discord. 82K, NC-17. Dean and Cas and the open road, to the tune of Led Zeppelin.

Deeper and Deeper Into the World by peridium. 47K, NC-17. When Metatron breaks free of the library, Castiel’s grace in hand, and disappears, Castiel is left human-- and angry. Angrier than he’ll admit until, late at night, Dean coaxes it out of him: Castiel is pissed and he wants revenge. He wants it enough to pursue Metatron, reckless and without a plan, across the Atlantic with Dean at his side, knowing how badly he wants Dean and how likely it is that one or both of them will die along the way. Their search takes them all across the world, from London to Omsk to Tokyo and between. Far from home with no one but each other, Castiel’s grace missing and the Mark still on Dean’s arm, Dean and Castiel find the flimsy barriers between the two of them dissolving.

The Distance of the Setting Sun by murron. 18K, NC-17. With the apocalypse off the table and Sam returned from the pit, Team Free Will finds themselves at loose ends. When Sam suggests they take a holiday, Dean expects many things. Wearing flip-flops isn’t one of them.

Do What Feels Good by catchclaw and cymbalism. 13K, NC-17. Castiel learns to love alone time in the shower. And then he learns to share.

Dog Shit, Traps, Trouble and Other Inconvenient Things to Fall Into by proxydialogue. 2K, PG-13. There's an argument in here somewhere for Castiel's skill of inconvenient timing.

Dream of Now series by sass_master. 124K, NC-17. Various moments in Cas and Dean's relationship. (Technically a WIP but you can read any individual story and be satisfied. In more ways than one eyyyyy)

An Empty Cup by peridium. 3K, NC-17. It takes almost no time for Dean to get used to the coldness of space. The darkness, the emptiness, the nothingness. Actually, he kind of likes it at first. And then Castiel comes to visit.

Except Thou Bless Me by architeuthis. 11K, NC-17. Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

Eyes on the Road, Hands on the Wheel by Chiyume. 11K, NC-17. After being nagged into it by his brother, Dean takes on the task of teaching Castiel how to drive; a task that turns out to be harder to accomplish than one would have thought since neither Cas nor Dean seems capable of watching the road...

Fata morgana. by orange_crushed. 7K, PG-13. The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell. "Oh," says Bela. That changes certain things. (D/C is more implied.)

Feast of All Saints by oselle. 30K?, NC-17. It's 2015 and the world's gone to hell in the Croatoan apocalypse. Separated from their group of virus survivors, Dean and his erstwhile guardian angel find themselves stranded in Appalachia.

Forget the Sky by loversantiquities. 26K, PG-13. After years of bum luck on lottery scratch offs in almost every state in the nation, Dean strikes it rich on a ticket and comes into the possession of fifteen thousand dollars—after taxes. After finishing a near-fruitless hunt with Castiel at his side, and with decades worth of exhaustion in his bones, together they come up with a plan—throw a dart at a map pinned to their motel wall, and fly to the first place it lands. Only, Dean never anticipated that traveling to Japan would involve staying so close to Castiel at all hours on unsure footing, and thousands of miles from Sam and his home, everything from simple touches to sideways glances, it all comes to a head in the middle of the night—How is he supposed to enjoy his vacation when he's sleeping next to the love of his life?

free fall by anastiel. 7K, R. He’s not used to this, the constancy of Cas at his side 24/7, with no random potential deadly trips to Heaven, no fear that Cas will leave him and never come back. There’s no more Lucifer, Amara, and no potential end of the world. Cas is just here, he’s himself, and everything is mostly okay. In reality, Dean’s pretty sure he’s dreaming and in two seconds he’s going to wake up and a Djinn will be sucking him dry. There’s no way his luck could be this good.

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock. 15K, NC-17. While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Good Things Do Happen by trinityofone. 11K, PG. A Winchester Family Christmas, 2010. AKA, Best zombie Christmas ever!

Grapple by loversantiquities. 3K, NC-17. He swallowed, throat tight – you can do this, Winchester. It’s just Cas. Your best friend, remember?

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire. 15K, PG. Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number.

He Begins the Work of Exploration by dorkilysoulless. 3K, NC-17. Castiel chooses humanity, and he delights in the pleasures of the flesh.

Heart of Glass by omphalos. 17K, NC-17. He's the one who was punished, severely, because of his feelings for Dean, but who still gave up everything for him in the end. Surely there should exist between them a better level of comprehension than this.

Hell or High Water by electricskeptic. 25K, PG-13/R. Wherein Dean and Sam are killed by forces unknown (again), and Castiel is willing to do just about anything do bring them back. However, things aren’t quite as straightforward as they seem, and the civil war in Heaven reaches an unexpected climax when Raphael shows his hand. A story about faith, morality, and the ultimate cost of free will.

Here the Deadened Strain Revive by demonology. 43K, PG-13. Banished to Purgatory, Castiel must rekindle his friendship with Dean and mend his damaged mind as they fight for their lives and search for a way back home. With only each other to rely on, they navigate a horrific wasteland populated with creatures both new and familiar, and as the dangers mount they realize that there might be more to their bond than they ever could have imagined.

How Still My Heart by cadignan. 71K, NC-17. Charlie hadn’t been waiting for the call, but it’s not exactly a surprise to hear from Dean. "Cas? You want me to find Cas?"

Howling the Moondogs by kelpiethethundergod. 42K, PG-13. Fallen and slowly being eaten up by guilt for having helped Metatron empty out the skies, Castiel seeks refuge at the bunker and tries to find a way to set everything right. He clings to the one connection that he has always trusted to anchor him over the years, until it starts to crumble under the weight of all their combined responsibilities and finally disappears into the dark without a trace.

I Beg of You Now by kelpiethethundergod. 11K, NC-17. Birthday parties are a thing normal people do, and Dean isn't normal people. He sucks at those things. He doesn't want to mess it up for Claire. So, Dean's kind of nervous. Cas, though, Cas is worse.

i crippled your heart a hundred times by bravest. 19K, NC-17. One night Castiel comes to Dean and says three words he wasn't ready to hear.

I've been laying down in the devil's lair by dontbitethesun. 5K, R. What's a fallen angel to do when his fearless leader fails to get him killed? Join the army, apparently, or at least what's left of it.

If You Get Lost, You Can Always Be Found by WinJennster. 25K, NC-17. Days after "I’m No Angel," Castiel finds himself exiled from the safety of the bunker. The money Dean gives him runs out all too soon. Luck, or perhaps divine providence, lands him on the Amish farm of Jacob and Lydia Bieler. The Bielers take Cas in. Despite the Amish’s general distrust of outsiders - Englischers - the strange man who can understand their language and isn’t afraid of hard work seems a natural fit amongst them. Castiel thinks he might just go ahead and stay - the farm seems like a good place to heal his broken heart, and maybe forget who broke it. Meanwhile, Dean finds himself so wracked with guilt, he can’t stand to see his own face in the mirror. He doesn't know what's worse; the fact that he threw Cas away or that Sam’s unwillingly - and unwittingly - possessed by an angel. Charlie comes for a visit and decides to stay, and it takes her no time at all to call Dean on his bullshit. With her help and encouragement and a plan to deal with the angel in Sam later, Dean and Charlie set out to find Cas and bring him home. But when they find him, Dean’s surprised that Cas doesn’t want to come home, leaving Dean to face some difficult truths about himself - and how he feels about Castiel.

Immigrant Song by trinityofone. 47K, NC-17. A hypothetical season six in which Dean, Sam, and a newly-fallen Castiel encounter vengeful gods, secret societies, a box of dangerous magical artifacts, and something they're all going to pretend wasn't actually faeries. Meanwhile, Dean suffers a sexuality crisis, and Castiel has a secret that could change everything.

In a Twist series by annundriel. 15K, NC-17. Castiel buys Dean a little something. Dean likes it. A lot. (It seems like she deleted her LJ, which is a shame, but everything by annundriel is great!)

In the Bee-Loud Glade by clockworkrobots. 18K, PG. Set four years after the events of season 9, this is the story of how Dean and Cas take over Sonny's home for boys when he retires, as a retirement of their own, of sorts, from the hard life of hunting. It's also the story of how Claire Novak, now of age, tracks them down there to hopefully find the answers she never got as a child.

In the Evening by suqua. 3K, NC-17. At the end of the day, Dean and Castiel have each other.

In the Secret Places of the Stairs by thevinegarworks. 20K?, NC-17. Castiel has soothed his nightmares since the first night, though Dean will never know of it. Castiel has accepted this invisibility willingly; if it helps Dean Winchester grow into his role, he will oblige without argument and with no need for recognition. He simply wants to help.

Just Another Word for Intuition by cymbalism. 3K, NC-17. As an angel Castiel had put Dean together, healed his wounds with a touch, made him whole. Now, as a man, he takes him apart.

Leap that Makes the Fall by miss_anthropic. 50K?, PG-13. With no explanation for how or why, Dean and Sam find themselves with a fallen angel on their hands. (Also worth reading the sequel, Loving the Fall.)

Let It Be by Persephoneshadow. 143K, R. The one where Mary lives, Cas is there, and nothing and everything changes. (Sort of AU? A canon AU? You'll see what I mean when you read it, but it's definitely wedded to canon.)

Love: A Retrospective by xylodemon. 41K, NC-17. Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

Mind Over Matter by rarelypoetic. 16K, NC-17. Castiel and Sam perform an ancient angelic purification ritual on Dean in the hopes of curing him of the Mark, but it has some unexpected consequences. In the process of trying to figure out what went wrong, Castiel realizes a thing or two about angelic history, Dean discovers that the boundary between divinity and humanity is not quite as delineated as he had thought, and together they learn that some things are a long time coming.

Moon Going Down by nyoka. 4K, NC-17. Somewhere in Nebraska at the end of the road, it's the darkest night he's ever known.

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by tuesday. 11K, R. Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this.

My Eyes Are an Ocean by entanglednow. 10K, NC-17. It's amazing what you decide you can get away with when you can't see a damn thing. (Also worth reading the sequel, An Eye for an Eye.)

Named by RC_McLachlan. 95K, R. Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

Nowhere Else by xxenjoy. 10K, NC-17. Between Cas' lost grace, and Dean's accidental confession to Sam, it's been the same overbearing concern - that Dean really, really does not need - for weeks. He can focus on Cas and do his job at the same time. This is not the first case the two of them will work together, it's not even the first case Cas has worked as a human. It may be the first case the two of them have worked alone since the whole 'I'm in love with Cas' fiasco, but Dean's a professional, he knows what he's doing. They'll be fine. Cas will be fine.

One Cold Night by xylodemon. 17K, NC-17. Dean shivers again. His teeth clack together. "Jesus Christ, it's cold."

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict. 22K, NC-17. While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei. 18K, NC-17. Cas lets his feelings run away with him, Gabe is a total dick, Sam is concerned, and Dean has to make a choice.

The Path of Fireflies by museaway. 64K, PG-13ish. After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

Picking Stitches by sky_reid. 2K, PG-13. Dean likes his women curvy, his men rough and his Cas just the way he is.

Put Up Your Dukes by saltyfeathers. 38K, NC-17. Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.

Risking Everything by twisting_vine_x. 20K, NC-17. When Castiel goes missing after a battle with Raphael, just how far will Dean go to get him home safely again?

Seventeen Kisses and Counting by chellefic. 5K, NC-17. "You're sexually attracted to Dr. Sexy."

Shambala by anythingtoasted. 4K, NC-17. “You’re a Buddhist now?” Cas shrugged, trailing his fingers over the smooth gold head of the Buddha statuette. He tapped it affectionately before he turned to look at Dean, who once again was in his cabin, completely unannounced. “Sure. Why not? I figure, keep trying; something’s gotta stick.”

Show Among Us Secret Wisdom by dorkilysoulless. 8K, NC-17. When Dean wakes up female, he and Sam struggle to find a cause. To find a solution, Dean has to expand his horizons: new ride, new bodily functions, and a whole new awareness of angels.

sinfonia di luce by mishcollin. 1K, PG-13. When you first met, you remember, he blew the lights out.

Sing a Song of Sex Puns by Persephoneshadow. 33K, NC-17. That one verse where Dean and Cas are good at talking during sex but not about the fact they're having sex.

Soldiers of the Dust by nyoka. 6K, NC-17. Sometimes in the dark they touch.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me by ellispark. 46K, R/NC-17. Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight. Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there.

Still Life by catchclaw. 16K, NC-17. Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

Sum of My Regrets by LoveIsNotAVictoryMarch. 21K, R. In which Dean Winchester travels through time, learns a thing or two about best laid plans, and falls in love with an angel -- all over again.

Take Me Home Country Roads by saltyfeathers. 125K, R/NC-17. Dean dies with the Mark of Cain on his arm, waking up with black eyes and hellfire licking at his heels. Cas, sick on the stolen grace that's rotting inside him, gives chase. As his pursuit and Dean's evasion ebbs and flows, they begin to figure out the difference between marks given and marks received, and what it means when one such mark is faded but not forgotten.

ten thousand words by bree_black. 13K, NC-17. In 2009, a man who claims to speak to God gives the not-quite-an-angel-anymore Castiel his Polaroid camera. “Use it wisely,” he warns. “Cameras are a strange sort of magic. They hold on to the energy of the moments they capture and keep it alive past its time. That’s why we should only take photographs of our happiest moments. There’s no sense prolonging our pain or sadness, but love and joy are worth saving.” During the next five years, Castiel superstitiously takes nine photographs of his happiest moments. When a second Dean arrives from the past, Castiel knows he’s been sent to witness something catastrophic, something so terrible Zachariah believes it will scare Dean into accepting his destiny. He senses the end is near, but Castiel can’t quite bring himself to take the final photograph. Dean does it for him.

There's Only One Sure Thing That I Know by blinkiesays. 20K, R/NC-17. Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

These Are Not Real Problems by scaramouche. 31K, NC-17. Castiel used to be a god. Dean took that away from him, and now Castiel's stuck in a hell of his own making.

This is just one version of the way it could go by zelda_zee. 9K, PG-13. There are as many ways that this story could go as there are writers of this pairing. This is just one version.

This Isn't Where We Intended to Be by PorcupineGirl. 14K, NC-17. Fallen, Castiel struggles to figure out where he fits in the human world—and in Dean's life.

This Story Needs More Power Ballads by pyrebi. 3K, PG-13. In which Dean has an angelic boyfriend and Sam is a better brother than anyone gives him credit for.

Three Is the Magic Number by Persephoneshadow. 7K, NC-17. The one where Dean and Cas have a threesome with the cute waitress because Dean can't deal. (What it says on the tin, but it is endgame D/C.)

Tripping by Hatteress. 49K, NC-17. That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Trope Springs Eternal by VioletHaze. 41K, NC-17. Dean's in love with Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. That much is obvious to everyone who sees them. But instead of acting on it, these two idiots seem bound and determined to score gold medals in the pining olympics. The staring, the longing, the unresolved sexual tension that's strong enough to combust and engulf the planet…is there anything that can push them out of their safe, cowardly positions? Leaving them to their own devices hasn't worked so maybe it's time to pull out the big guns.

True North by zatnikatel. 4K, NC-17. “You’re fundamental to me,” he murmurs. “You always have been.”

The Tunnel of Love by xylodemon. 21K, NC-17. "We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss." Dean just stares at him.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin. 95K, NC-17. In which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.

Twelve Arches Facing the Sea by MajorEnglishEsquire. 43K, NC-17. If Cas says anything else, Dean can't hear it. There's a hand over his face, a wetness at his mouth, and the volcano's deafening silence rushing through his head like pyroclastic flow, like a landslide rolling over everything in sight and drowning it in death.

The Unmade Bed by 60r3d0m. 5K, R. He’s only three steps down the hallway when he turns back. He’s three steps away and he’s anxious and his heart’s beating fast and then three more steps and he’s back and he...he doesn't know what he's about to say. Cas has moved since he left. He’s wandered over to the little Men of Letters safe that’s in Dean’s room and Cas’ fingers are running over the metal. “You can’t leave,” Dean says, because of course that's what comes out of his goddamn mouth. “You stupid son of a bitch, you can’t leave anymore, alright?”

Unsuffer Me by janie_tangerine. 22K, NC-17. After the end of the world I just wanted to rest and chill out, not to re-build my life from scratch around the fact that I can’t hear shit and that I look like the fucking Phantom of the Opera.

Untitled by proxydialogue. 1K, PG. Sam had never heard (or read) a definition of love that didn’t bore him to tears.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi. 4K, PG-13. In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

The Vessel by chellefic. 8K, NC-17. When his vessel goes missing, Castiel turns to Dean for help.

Veteran by liadan14. 8K, R. Dean's been thinking about changing things much more often recently, what with Cas being around the way he is now, and with what Ellen left him in her will.

victorious secret by mishcollin. 4K, NC-17. Cas has a surprise gift for Dean, which turns out nicely for both of them, in the end.

We Are Such Stuff by inevitablethief. 62K, NC-17. Dean and Sam are apparently captured by a djinn, but, while their mutual fantasy world gives Sam the life he'd always wanted, Dean finds himself in a world fueled by desires he'd yet to let himself admit. Faced with his unspoken feelings for Castiel, Dean may be unable to resist temptation.

We Both Kinda Liked It by elizajane. 14K, NC-17. A panty fic that's only marginally about the panties.

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon. 15K, NC-17. Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

We still want to be reminded (that the pain is worth the plunder) by blue_fjords. 12K, NC-17. Sam and Dean's first case after Sam gets his soul back leads them to rural Maryland. There's pie, an old naked guy, and a little less angst then you'll find on the show.

We Were Promised Mermaids by shireberries. 2K, NC-17. “Seriously, Sam?” Dean whines, already sweating in his jeans and boots. “The honeymoon suite?”

what fun it all would be by 8sword. 23K, R. Nothing dies in Purgatory, but they are forever finding corpses. (I feel the need to note this is the lone fic on both lists with an unhappy ending. But if you’re in the mood for some heartbreak, it’s wonderful.)

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn't Allowed to Eat Pie? by scaramouche. 16K, PG. Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

When the Bough Breaks by captainshakespear and deanisthesun. 74K, R. Years after the Darkness has been defeated, Dean and Cas are living the apple pie life in small-town Kansas. They don’t hunt anymore, and would like to keep it that way, but some young hunters knocking at their door have different plans. Dean, Cas and Sam reluctantly agree to help out, but what ought to be a simple case becomes way more complicated and dangerous than they counted on. And when the hunt starts to invade the normal lives they've carved out for themselves and their kids, Dean and Cas begin to wonder if escaping the hunting life altogether might have been wishful thinking.

where the weeds take root by beenghosting. 30K, NC-17. “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

Where your treasure is. by orange_crushed. 2K, PG-13. He blinks the sleep away from his eyes and looks down and finds Castiel kneeling on the floor, holding Dean’s naked foot in both hands, his palm cupped under the heel. He’s still wearing the dorky snowflake sweater Dean bought him as a joke, but now there’s a towel tied around his waist, too; one of the bath sheets from the shower room. Behind him, the television plays an infomercial for holiday bakeware.

Who If I Cried Out Would Hear Me by misachan. 7K, PG-13. Dean goes missing on a hunt; Castiel can hear him but can't find him, and longer the situation drags on the unhappier Cas gets. An angry angel of the Lord is not someone to be messed with.

with these aching bones by casfallsinlove. 5K, NC-17. The lakehouse they’re renting is less of a house and more of a cabin, a little rundown around the edges with leafy green tendrils creeping up the windows and tangling in the splintered wood. The front door sticks when Dean pushes it, the pale blue paint cracked and peeling, and the inside smells strongly of the wet sand they dragged in with them on the bottom of their boots.

Zenith by anactoria. 33K, NC-17. Still relatively new to humanity, Castiel struggles with both Dean’s confusing behaviour and the loss of his angelic faculties. When a pissed-off witch restores his ability to see the supernatural, the curse seems like a blessing. He can help his friends again – and when Dean’s lies blow up in his face and Sam is once again left hovering between life and death, Cas is happy to be useful. But his abilities keep getting stronger, and they might just be more than a human brain can handle.

AU

All the Way by cadignan. 81K, NC-17. Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.

Any Little Heartbreak by followthattardis. 77K, NC-17. Dean Winchester knows everything there is to know about the human heart. Well. Anatomically speaking.

Asunder by rageprufrock. 24K, NC-17. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Bird of Paradise by trinityofone. 34K, R. When Sam Campbell is chosen as a tribute for the Games—an annual fight to the death between twenty-four of New Eden's unlucky children—his older brother Dean volunteers to take his place. Dean fully expects to die so that Sam can live, but once he enters the arena, Dean discovers that what's at stake in the Games is far more complicated than simple life and death, and nothing and no one is what they seem.

The Breath of All Things by KismetJeska. 65K, PG-13. Dean Winchester was twenty-six years old when a car accident killed his father and left him paralysed from the waist down. A year and a half later, Dean is in a wheelchair and lives in a care home in Kansas, where he spends his days waiting to die. It's only when Castiel Novak starts volunteering at the care home that Dean starts to wonder if a changed life always equals a ruined one.

Broadway Musical by Griftings. 12K, R. The romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general. (Only sort of AU, but entirely hilarious.)

Carnival Oasis by violue. 43K, NC-17. The adventures of Dean Winchester and his sin eating boyfriend.

A Chip on My Shoulder and a Halo on My Head by thepinupchemist. 6K, NC-17. Dean finally meets the professor that Sam has been talking up for the entire semester and can't help but think the guy is a total dick. A sandwich, a plaid shirt, and one hell of a first date later, Dean has to admit...he was so, so very wrong.

Clean Air by anactoria. 122K, NC-17. Centuries after the surface of the earth was devastated by an unknown disaster, the remnants of humanity live in a series of vast underground silos, each unaware of the existence of the others. For the inhabitants of Silo 34, the silo is the world, and the only world they know. Questions about the outside world are forbidden, and asking them is what got Dean Winchester's parents killed. He isn't even sure himself that they weren't crazy. That all changes when he hears a voice on the radio -- a voice from another world. (My fave.)

Convenient Husbands by scaramouche. 39K, NC-17. "It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

(Dis)Affection by justkeeponwriting. 74K, NC-17. When Dean and Castiel are tricked to go on a date, neither is happy about this. To get back at their deceitful friends, they hatch the perfect plan: pretend to be dating, and gross out their friends with their over-the-top, disgustingly cute romantic relationship – and then break up in the most despicable manner imaginable. As it turns out, you can learn a lot from someone just by pretending affection.

Florence 'verse by ShastaFirecracker. 143K, NC-17. Castiel Novak, anthropology professor and recent divorcee; a half-drunk hookup with the bartender from his brother's bachelor party; cue the morning after, with full attendant nudity, awkwardness, walking into doors, and running into one of his students at the worst possible time.

For Science! by pm_lo. 23K, NC-17. Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation. (a/b/o.)

Go Down With This Ship by PorcupineGirl. 31K, NC-17. Since he has to stay deep in the closet to protect his job as a children’s librarian in conservative Wichita, Kansas, Dean’s main outlet for sexual frustration is writing and reading slash fiction for his favorite show, Devil Boys. When he starts corresponding with AngelofThursday, another male slash writer in his ship, he really is just looking for friendship… but when it seems like more might be on the table, he’s not going to turn it down. If only he didn’t also have a crush on Cas, the hot volunteer at his library branch…

Good Hands by aileenrose. 13K, R. Cas is the owner of a failing—and falling apart—B&B. Dean might be able to help with that. Dean’s good with his hands.

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity. 81K, NC-17. Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine. When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster. 94K, NC-17. Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

Into Your Hideaway by thepinupchemist. 177K, NC-17. Driving down a deserted road in the Rocky Mountains, Castiel finds something unexpected: An omega. Not only an omega, but a naked, injured, pregnant omega. Dean doesn't talk much at first, but that doesn't change the brightness of his soul. It also doesn't stop Castiel from falling in love with him.

Jeté by cadignan. 11K, NC-17. Castiel has been photographing their ballet company for two years now and he and Dean have barely exchanged six words, and yet somehow when Dean breaks his leg, it's Castiel who takes him home from the hospital and takes care of him.

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl. 11K, NC-17. Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives. It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Kingdom Come by cheesewithmy. 98K, R/NC-17. Dean’s life is all work. He’s either at the bar that’s been left to him, serving drinks and cooking with his friend and partner Benny, or tinkering with prosthetic limbs. The rest of his life is one unhappy mess after another. Finding a stranger in the bathroom of his bar, after hours, doesn’t necessarily improve anything. (The author deleted all their work, but if you follow the link there's a download there.)

Kiss the Baker by Ltleflrt. 113K, NC-17. Jo is pregnant and craving something a little bit unusual. When she sends Dean on a mission to find her some chocolate cake donuts with bacon sprinkles, he's sure that he'll fail. Luckily his partner Benny comes to his rescue and introduces him to a quirky little bakery that sells all kinds of weird (and delicious!) baked goods. And they do special orders! Dean finds excuses to keep going back, and Castiel finds excuses to keep giving him special treats.

Like a Parched Land by Las. 9K, NC-17. Reverse!verse: Castiel is the Righteous Man and Dean is the angel who drags his ass out of Hell.

Like Real People by charvelle. 135K, NC-17. Though he's determined never to admit it, the only thing Dean's ever wanted was an Apple Pie Life: it's something that's been dangled in front of his face, though he's certain he could never deserve it. While Dean struggles to come to terms with the isolated, lonely life he's made for himself, a disruption comes in the form of Castiel Novak, Lawrence Private's newest faculty member. Those blue eyes and raspy voice are things Dean can't ignore for long, and when he's forced to stop fighting his affections, Dean finds his lonely life turned upside down. Is it possible he could deserve an Apple Pie Life after all?

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits. 120K, NC-17. Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality. Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

Long Nights in Cold Months by pyrebi. 2K, PG-13. When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

Out to Drift by beenghosting. 21K, R. Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before.

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat. 91K, NC-17. Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend. Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

Reckless and Free by GotTheSilver. 29K, NC-17. There’s a photo hanging in the hall of the Winchester home, Dean’s maybe three years old, and he’s on his dad’s bike, hands gripping the handlebars with a big grin on his face. Next to it, his mom and dad’s wedding photo, dad with his kutte and mom with a tight-ass dress on, looking like they had the world at their feet. Him and Sammy, in another photo, playing with toy guns and his mom laughing in the background. Then, Cas and Dean at fifteen and sixteen respectively, hands clasped tightly, sitting on the hood of the Impala and making faces at the camera. It’s a simple little bundle of his past, present, and future in a life that isn’t ever simple.

The Request by cloudyjenn. 37K, PG-13. When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

Run Boy Run by DarcyDelaney. 42K, PG-13. Cas likes to run. He likes that it’s something he can do alone whenever he wants, something to clear his head and decrease his anxiety. All that changes when his sister, Anna, volunteers him to be a guide for a blind runner who wants to participate in the Boston Marathon. Cas is completely, totally, 100% against this at first, but once he meets said runner, the snarky and (if Cas is being honest) ridiculously attractive Dean Winchester, he starts to have a change of heart. Maybe running with a partner won’t be so bad after all.

Shoulder to Shoulder, Hand to Hand by cornelius. 58K, PG-13. After release of his memoir, the last thing former fighter pilot Castiel wanted was more time in the spotlight. But when a chance comes up to be on a celebrity ballroom dancing competition show, he knows that drawing attention to his cause is more important than his own comfort. Dean’s danced on Ballroom Superstars for nine seasons without a single win under his belt. With his tenth season coming up, and a man for his partner, he worries that the championship is forever out of his reach. Castiel and Dean both want to win for their own reasons, but they’ll have to figure out how to work together, and manage their mutual attraction, if they want to become the new Ballroom Superstars champions.

Some Day Soon by Persephoneshadow. 11K, NC-17. Castiel doesn't mind his job as lawyer just like he doesn't mind that he's alone on Christmas Eve and working on Christmas Day. That's just the way life is - a dull slog of work and duty and not much else. The only thing he wishes he could change is to maybe get up the nerve to really talk to Dean Winchester, the gorgeous process server who Castiel has harbored a crush on for months. But maybe with a little meddling and some holiday magic, they'll both get what they want for Christmas.

Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) by kototyph. 24K, NC-17. Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

Till Human Voices Wake Us by saltandbyrne. 21K, NC-17. In a world of hippogriffs, hydras and flying pygmy elephants, intrepid explorer Dean Winchester was sure he had seen it all. When a monster destroys the only home he's ever known, Dean finds himself falling for his strange rescuer and struggling to face his past.

What Happened in Vegas by Ltleflrt. 18K, NC-17. Long time friends Dean and Castiel are road tripping from Chicago to San Diego for Sam and Eileen’s wedding, and a pitstop in Las Vegas turns into drunken love confessions and a surprise marriage. Turns out the pining has been mutual this whole time, but now they’re finally together and on cloud-fucking-nine. Until they remember that this trip isn’t supposed to be about them. To avoid undermining Sam and Eileen’s important weekend, they decide to keep their new relationship status a secret. They’ll keep the heart eyes toned down and their hands to themselves, but the struggle is real.

[practisingyi]

A nickname of mine Tabi, which is just a short version of my name, or, alternatively, Pasta Fucker

An embarrassing story. That time I found out what canoodle meant when I was about 13...that went down well, I'll allow you to imagine my mother's face

A turn-on Actually being literate, generally just a big reader too

A turn-off Just generally being horrible and thinking you can tell me what to do or believe, hahahha bitch no

Something I look for in a partner Someone who's chill with my ranting about random bollocks but keeps me in check with what I sometimes come out with.

About my best friend She's like a bazillion miles away (She knows who she is)

About my worst enemy They run through wheat fields

About someone I think is cute He speaks French

About someone I think is smart She's an actual Queen and I wish I didn't act how I used to towards her

About someone I think is funny He's a dork and I want to be friends forever

About my crush He's kinda tall but not really

About my parents They've been married 7 years February coming

About my siblings My brother loves to draw

Something I like about my body The fact my tum doesn't stick out too much

Something I dislike about my body The amount of hair I have

Something I like about my personality I'm really bubbly and giggly

Something I dislike about my personality I can be quick to assume and hold grudges

A quote I live by "Fall Down 7 Times, Stand Up 8" (Japanese Proverb)

My favorite book More Than This by Patrick Ness

My favorite movie 2012 Les Mis film

My favorite food This girl could live off Peppers

My favorite drink The multiple forms of tea

A talent I have I have a photographic memory, so I can look at something, I pretend I snap it in my head and remember it (although, as I've gotten older, this has started to go)

An unusual talent I have I can turn my feet in various directions, further than they should

One of my favorite followers @zeus-is-a-man-whore for the supply of dumb memes, Les Mis and general screaming

A fictional character I relate to I get too analytical about Characters so no one really, just those who over achieve and get obsessed with things

My favorite book I read for school Either To Kill a Mocking Bird or Noughts and Crosses

My favorite play Hamlet

A childhood memory That time it snowed on Christmas day when I was about 4 and me and my cousin played in the Snow for the first time ever

My best birthday When I turned 16 I had like three, I went to my friend's and stayed with her, went to a buffet with my mum and went down to Manchester

An embarrassing secret I mean there's things like, I sweat more than everyone else and stuff like that but I don't find those embarrassing, I just deal with them day to day.

A little known fact I used to be a dancer but had to quit because we didn't have enough money

A time I made a mistake Picking the Physics Higher course that was dumb of me

I time I succeeded Passing my French speaking at Higher Level was like going through the gates of heaven

My favorite sport Gymnastics

My favorite video game Samurai Warriors 4-II

My favorite non-video game It's not even a game I just really love playing ball with my dog

My favorite band. Er...I don't really have one anymore? I used to be really into Escape the Fate

My favorite song. Currently George Blagden's version of Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie but that's interchangeable with like 10 others

My favorite animal. Foxes

I pet I have. My dumbass collie dog Gus whom I love

My favorite Halloween costume. When I was Jack Skellington about 10 years ago

My favorite piece of clothing I have a dress that makes me look like a Queen

My favorite TV Show Versailles!

Who I want to hug My Mum like honestly I love her so much, wouldn't be me without her

Who I want to kiss Look, there's this boy, I'm supposed to hate him and keep my distance from him because he's become a bit fucked up but I hella would not mind.

Who I want to punch Nazis

Something I want to do before I die Walk the ground, halls and hills the people in history that I've researched did

Something great I’ve already accomplished Becoming more comfortable in social situations, getting better every day!

Anything! Make up your own Idk man,  I had a dream once that I was an actress and honestly that's fucking funny man I'm an emotional disaster I couldn't stand in front of a camera although I'm a total attention whore and probably could

@gentle-honey-badger here you go

[bonearenaofmyskull]

What does the “interesting next chapter” for Hannibal involve? Fuller provided no concrete details at Split Screens Festival, but he did tease a very enticing elevator pitch: “It was going to be ‘Inception’ meets ‘Angel Heart.'” Combining Christopher Nolan’s mind-bender with Alan Parker’s supernatural horror movie sounds unsung, but it’s a very Bryan Fuller thing to do and he’s definitely not joking. As a huge fan of your S4 speculations, i got to ask your thoughts on Bryan's latest teases!??!

The short answer is that I have no idea. XD  And the truth is that it’s been so long since the end of the last season, and I’ve had so many discussions over time and read so much fic and planned so much fic and written enough fic that while I know what I think is most likely, any sense of objectivity I have about the subject has pretty much eroded away (as if I ever had any in the first place). And my bluff is still eroding. ;)

WRT the specific article you referenced, I do want to talk about Bryan’s elevator pitches and what we should (and should not) take out of them.

The thing about Bryan is that he’s a positive encyclopedia of film knowledge, and he uses example films to reference any of the scores of ideas he may be having at any given moment, and his mind runs about a million miles per hour nonlinearly (which is why he ends up with verbal diarrhea in interviews sometimes). He’s used a lot of film comparisons for various different Hannibal seasons and episodes, and if you looked at them without watching the show, they might often lead you astray. For example, he’s described the first season as The Shining before, and if you were to take this thought at face value, you’d think Will really would have been the copycat killer and would have ended up killing Abigail (Jack would have been right, zomg!): The Shining is about how a man descends into madness because of a sinister influence and then kills his family. But all Bryan meant was that both stories had the madness component, and in Will’s case it wasn’t even technically madness but a physical condition. Also lots of heartbeats, gaudy bathrooms and clanging noises.

Another time, Bryan caused all kinds of fandom drama when he described “Antipasto” as a “new pilot for the series starring Mads Mikkelsen and Gillian Anderson.” People were taking that to mean that Will was no longer going to be either the love of Hannibal’s life or the star of the show. And Bryan repeated that a bazillion times, either oblivious to or regardless of the panic he was causing, probably because it has a tantalizing vagueness to it so it’s a good advertisement. But it was hardly a straightforward statement about what to expect from the show, although it described that single episode well enough.

So let’s have a look at other comparisons he’s made to various films/shows/stuff:

The Talented Mr. Ripley = “Antipasto”

What you’d expect: Guy in Italy kills the guy he’s in love with and takes his identity, then has to balance it against his own identity as he tries to get away with it, costing him his next lover.

What we got: Italy, murdering the man you’re in love with, and identity shenanigans, so this one was fairly close. Hannibal gets away with it and doesn’t fall in love with anyone else, so that’s different. Also, Bedelia. And Abel Gideon flashbacks in nonlinear narration. It’s…circumstantially similar.

The Hunger = Hannibal & Bedelia in Italy

What you’d expect: A beautiful yet dangerous vampire seeks to replace her old lover, whose life has run out after he kills her protege, by seducing a woman who then destroys her and takes her powers. Supposed to be a metaphor for drug addiction.

What we got: Couple of sexy, ice-cold blondes, I guess. Upper crust musicianing and fancy clothes? A waterphone being hurled down the stairs in the background? IDK, man. IDK.

Don’t Look Now = “Primavera”

What you’d expect: A guy with ESP loses his daughter, but then has glimpses of her as he and his wife go to Italy to deal with their grief. Wife falls in with some old psychic ladies, and it turns out his visions are actually prophetic visions leading to his own death by serial killer.

What we got: Well, we were in Italy to deal with the grief our gifted protagonist suffered at losing his “daughter,” and he continues to have visions of her, and there is a serial killer on the loose and a somewhat grumpy Italian detective hanging around. But like Ripley, it’s circumstantially the same, but the story is totally different.

Frankenstein‘s monster = Will’s Italy arc

What you’d expect: (There are so many film versions of Frankenstein out there, as well as the original novel, that it’s hard to anticipate what Bryan thinks about when he thinks of Frankenstein’s monster. So I’m just kind of throwing together the most commonly remembered stuff.)  An overly ambitious doctor creates a living “monster” out of dead human body parts, then promptly regrets it. The monster escapes, kills a bunch of people including the doc’s fiancee, tries to coerce the doctor into making a mate for him because it’s sad to be alone, and then either the doctor pursues the monster or the monster pursues the doctor and they both end up dead. 

What we got: A doctor made a guy into a monster, and the guy is kind of back from the dead. The doctor was the one who escaped, and the monster is the one who is pursuing. The doctor kills people instead of the monster. They’re each other’s mate, and they don’t kill anyone’s fiancees. XD  They don’t die either. It is, however, sad to be alone. This is a deejay mashup of Frankenstein if ever there was one. 

Death and the Maiden = “Secondo”

What you’d expect: Traumatized woman who had survived torture recognizes the voice of her torturer and kidnaps him on a stormy night, trying to make him confess his crimes to her before she kills him while her husband looks on, not knowing if he believes her or not and if he should help her or her captive.

What we got: There’s a woman in an isolated house with a man captive. Aaaaand…that’s about it. Plot-wise, this movie goes mostly the opposite direction from where the film does, and Will is at best an amalgamation of both the husband and the torturer, and way more active than either in the outcome. Again, circumstantially similar but a different story.

Kill Bill = “Aperitivo”

What you’d expect: After her wedding was crashed in the most violent way possible, a woman awakens in a hospital and goes out seeking vengeance against her former lover by killing all his cronies one by one until she gets to him.

What we got: Not Frederick Chilton in a bright yellow tracksuit, unfortunately. After some violence, people wake up in hospitals and then…talk to each other? 

Hannibal, the film = “Contorno”

What you’d expect: the obvious.

What we got: Pazzi’s story and death, and a fun little turnabout with Alana taking Clarice Starling’s place on the phone. But most of other plot stuff from Hannibal exists elsewhere, and instead we got some snail-y conversations and a barefoot beatdown on Hannibal by Jack Crawford.

Bound = Margot and Alana’s storyline

What you’d expect: A woman and her lesbian lover plot to steal the money her mafiaso boyfriend owes to his boss in order to escape the boyfriend’s tyrannical hold, but the plot goes wrong and they get caught, making it so they have to improvise their way out.

What we got: Again, circumstantially something very similar, but only in the loosest of terms–that two women lovers are seeking to escape the tyrannical hold of one of the men in their life, getting his money and ending up killing him. For some reason, there’s no pig-baby in Bound. Unless you count Christopher Meloni.

Leopold and Loeb = “Tome-wan”

What you’d expect: Two men, convinced they’re above everybody else, try to create the perfect murder by hatching a plot and killing a kid. They get caught.

What we got: Two men–at least one of whom is convinced he’s above everyone else–hatch a rather haphazard plot without really telling each other what they’re doing, then hunt down a guy and don’t actually kill him, and then they don’t get caught.

…

So is there a pattern in any of this? What can we take from it to apply to the Inception meets Angel Heart (with maybe a dash of Ripley, since that’s what Bryan told Matt Zoller Seitz in the past) pitch for the fourth season? What would we expect from these films?

I think the answer seems to be nothing more than circumstantial similarities, turnabouts on the expectations that these films might have set up, and some tonal similarities. That’s the pattern, and that’s the only pattern as far as I’m concerned. 

That said though, we might as well have some fun speculating with them.

Angel Heart

What you’d expect: A private detective is hired by a mysterious stranger in a manbun to track down a missing person who was last known to be in a coma. When every person the detective interviews about the case ends up meeting a grisly end, he comes to discover that he is the very man he is looking for, and the devil made him kill all those people in a fugue state because he had attempted to cheat the devil from coming to collect his soul.

…Wait, wait wait…. Isn’t this already Hannibal season one? An investigator falls in with the devil, who helps in with his investigations, all the while encouraging a fugue state to get him to kill people, so that at one point he thinks he’s the very killer that he’s looking for??? 

Didn’t Bryan already tell us that the fourth season would be an inversion or subversion of S1?

Cleverrrrrrrrr, Bryan Fuller! You made us think you were telling us something new by just saying the same thing you said before in another way. But there really isn’t anything new here at all, is there???

I guess, circumstantially, there could be a detective searching for them, or they could be searching for killers, or Will could be metaphorically searching for himself. The deal with the devil has obviously already been made, and maybe Will is trying to find a way out of that, as the guy in Angel Heart was. 

People have made a big deal about the coma and fugue state business, and I’m not ruling that stuff out, but I don’t think they’ll retread ground that they tread in S1 with Will, and I don’t think that they’ll put Hannibal in any sustained position of weakness. They never do either of these thing, and that limits where they can go with the coma and fugue state things.

Inception

What you’d expect: A wanted corporate espionage dream-hacker tries to get his name cleared in order to return to his children after being blamed for the death of his wife, so he agrees to attempt to create an idea in the mind of an unknowing victim by generating a dream within a dream within a dream, where there is a danger of not knowing what is real and what is not.

Well…not quite knowing what is real and what is not is Hannibal all the way, and Will is a dream-hacker if ever there was one. And he will probably be wanted by the law. Kinda doubt he’ll be looking to return to his wife and child, though maybe he is interested in clearing his name. And Hannibal and Will do share mental space, just as Cobb and Mal do…and there could be some comparison to be made between Mal and Hannibal here, in how they haunt their husbands…and how Mal frames Cobb for murder. XD 

People get very hyper-focused on the dream-within-a-dream business from Inception, but I found that to be kind of beside the point, tbh. “Inception” refers to the process of planting an idea in another person’s head in such a subconscious way that they believe that idea is their own and they make it a part of themselves and their reality. I guess because I find this to be the more interesting part of Inception, I’d personally like this to be what Bryan Fuller is talking about here, rather than the dreaming stuff. It’s very psychological, and if Will is looking to understand who he is on the other side of the veil, I feel like there’s a lot of opportunity here for both or either man, within that alchemy of truths and lies. 

If we were looking for a more plot-driven similar circumstance, a situation in which some rich person paves the way for Will to clear his name in America. We do have some powerful rich people on this show. 

To be quite honest, the first thing that came to mind when Bryan said Inception was him talking about how Richard Armitage and Gillian Anderson never had a chance to be in a scene together, so maybe they could be in a scene together in the future in Will’s mind--like he’s hosting all the people he’s killed, or whose deaths he blames himself for (sorry, this thought isn’t very optimistic about Bedelia’s chances). And that reminded me a lot of Cobb with Mal. 

I’m less clear on any of this with regard to Hannibal: it’s as he says himself in “Digestivo,” it’s dangerous to get everything you ever wanted, and that’s where Hannibal finds himself at the end of TWOTL. I’m not sure where that will take him after, though Hugh being convinced that Hannibal would always have to fight for Will is somewhat heartening. I’ve spoken elsewhere on my preferences for where Hannibal goes in S4, but I don’t have a particular sense of anything for him that comes from either Inception or Angel Heart. He’s more likely to be the devil than Will is, and he’s more likely to be compared to Mal. I could see scenarios that would cast him as Cobb, I suppose, but nothing concrete. 

I wrote a lot here to say that I don’t have much to say, but the truth is that I think we should be skeptical about taking anything Bryan says that sounds like an elevator pitch too literally.   

[canwetalkaboutcaptainswan]

Even though it nearly drowned us in angst, we have to appreciate how healthy that conversation actually was.

“I swear to you, I wanted to tell you, I tried. And then you found that ring and I just couldn’t bear to ruin that happiness.” 

~ he doesn’t dance around it, goes right for the truth, explains the situation and why he chose to act the way he did; that it was coming from a place of love.

“How could you do this?” 

~ she asks with shock, and hurt. He doesn’t know what she’s talking about at first - he thinks she’s talking about killing her grandpa but what she’s really talking about is burning his own memories. The way she says it with a hint of concern, like even though she’s mad, she’s hurting for him because if he’s gonna resort to such drastic measures, this must be eating him up inside.

“I’ve been asking myself the same question, and all I can say is that I was a broken man for a very long time and I did horrendous things..” 

~ THIS! LINE! IS! SO! IMPORTANT! Because he was a broken man and the fact that he recognizes that his deeds were horrendous proves how much he’s changed. And the fact that he's sharing with her that he knows he was broken - ugh. Beautiful. 

“I’m not talking about that I’m talking about this. You were about to burn your own memories why would you do that?” 

~ Here the concern for him is even more prominent in her tone. It almost sounds like she’s going to cry. She’s so concerned that he was going to burn some part of his past, because she loves every part of him, including his wrongdoings. 

“Because I was ashamed, Emma. And scared losing you and everything that matters to me.” 

~ She is everything to him. He is terrified of losing her. Do I even need to say more like omg.

“You really think that would happen after everything we’ve been through?” 

~ this is her having 100% confidence in what they have. They have made it through darkness and DEATH, and that proved to her that together they can do anything. She’s surprised and hurt that he doesn’t feel the same way. Why doesn’t he? is what she’s she’s wondering.

“How am I supposed to sit across from your mother and father at the table and look them in the eye after what I’ve done?” 

~ He’s letting her know how guilty he feels. How he’s terrified he’ll be rejected. They’re just laying all their feelings on the table and it’s so healthy I can’t even 

“I’m not saying it would be easy. You know them, you know they would forgive you, that’s who they are.” 

~ She’s validating his feelings, saying yes, it will be a big hurdle. But then she also reassures him that he is loved so much but not just her, and that nothing he does or says will get him kicked out of their lives. Ever. 

“This isn’t just about them, this is about me. I already destroyed my own family once and that was hard enough but knowing that I destroyed yours too, I just...I didn’t know how I could live with that.” 

~ YESSSSSS Killian. This is about you. And that is perfectly okay like it is 1000000% okay for you to worry about yourself instead of everyone else (including Emma) for once. You need to heal and this is the way to start, by telling the woman that you love that this is how you feel and where your head is at. Good job precious pirate good job! 

“You come to me Hook, and you lean on me, and you trust ME!” 

~ Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the knife-in-the-gut line. The most beautiful line in my opinion. Cause it came from the mouth of Emma Swan, who spent her life leaning on no one. Who, after Neal, had a necklace that she wore to remind her never to trust ANYONE. And now she has a life partner that she trusts so completely and has leaned on countless, countless times (When she was watching her mother die, when she almost froze to death, when she was confused about Lily, when she was mad at her parents, all throughout Camelot, when she admitted she wanted a future but was scared, when she was in the underworld and had a scary vision, like a million bazillion times she’s gone to him and leaned on him) and now all she wants is to return the favour for him. And frankly she’s devastated that he doesn’t feel like he can lean on her. Like he is my rock, why aren’t I his? is what is going through her mind. ASDFGHJKL.

“We have to stop hiding things from each other.” 

~ She doesn’t just blame him, she knows she’s hid things from him before too and might some day do it again. They both need to stop in order for this to work.

“The man I fell in love with would know that. You would know that we would do things together.” 

~ Telling him that this together thing all originated from him. She fell in love with him because he earned her trust, but never took the lead from her; they always worked together as a team. Together. And all she wants is for them to be doing that now (and for the rest of their lives). 

“Emma--” 

~ the way he splutters it. He’s so in love with her and wants to kiss her for saying these soulful things. She’s opening up to him and pouring out her soul and telling him she loves him in a poetic, wordy way, which is NOT her specialty. But at the same time his heart is aching. He’s done the last thing he wants to do in life. He’s hurt her. Fuck. 

“That is what I agreed to marry. That is what I thought we were together.”

 ~ Again, emphasis on the together, two halves of a whole. And telling him the reason she wanted to marry him so badly - because she feels safe with him. She can trust him. She can lean on him. And she thought she was that for him, too. And if she’s not? Well, they need to fix that before they can move forward.

“Until you’re ready for that..” *removes ring* “Then we can talk.” 

~ A bit of tough love, but it’s for his own good. She is NOT rejecting him or breaking up with him or some bullshit like that. Their love means more than that. She’s just telling him “Hey. I love you. And I am so, so ready to marry you. But I want our engagement to be happy and pure. And it is anything but happy and pure right now. So until we figure this out, take this back. And work through your feelings. And if you need me, I will be right here.” 

Like. GUYS. I am NOT here for angst but I am SO HERE FOR THIS PORTRAYAL OF WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE LIKE. 

SIGN. ME. UP. 

[vardasvapors]

Faramir and Éowyn! Because I love them!

1. I REALLY LIKE ITHILIEN I really like the idea of them being able to just chill there sometimes in between all the long-term cleaning up and restructuring stuff post-Sauron like ahhhhh what a good…in-between-y sort of healing healthy neutral zone-ish physical location and temporal/historical situation to be, re-establishing this new area and new House, doing cultural relations stuff now that they can relax more, maybe cleaning up the Dead Marshes, fixing up or building more of a cover between them and the wastelands nearer to Mordor, chatting with Legolas and all his elves who set up shop next to them and giving Legolas relationship advice, then writing to Eomer to make him give Gimli relationship advice ok no sorry i will stay on topic

2. I’m ofc a huge fan of how well their stories match up but also how like…kind of a couple things that bother me about both of them also match up really well? Like, it always lowkey kind of bugged me how Tolkien goes through all this stuff with Faramir talking about how war and conquest and violence is so terrible….and then emphasizes how many battles he fought in and how great a warrior he remained after the war lmao. Which makes perfect sense in-universe, because that’s exactly what the situation in canon warrants! But narratively it’s kind of…bleh. And it always lowkey kind of bugged me how Eowyn is both the only warrior woman who’s defying gender roles while at the same time is the character who is taught about how bullshit war and glory is. Which also makes perfect sense in-universe because that’s precisely what her specific character warrants and her specific character arc is really excellent! But narratively against all context it’s kind of…bleh. And yet, putting the two of them together, the two ‘bleh’s interact in a really fascinating way, especially if it got the further elaboration and detail those bleh’s deserved.

3. I think that even though the Gondorians would really like Eowyn there would also be some shitty like, cliched and personality-flattening hot takes on The Narrative of Their Dynamic And Falling In Love Arc, about like, taming and pitying and teaching her how to fit into a proper marriage dynamic and about the Uber-Numenorean scholarly Faramir with the ringwraith-slaying shieldmaiden from the less cultured nation, etc…and idk I feel like this might bother them more than they think it should?

4. I love Merry and Pippin’s respective relationships with either of them! I love the idea of them like, talking about Merry and Pippin themselves, as Merry and Pippin talk about them….and also okay so like Merry and Pippin definitely visited them later too? I’m, I love this sort of weird thing…

5. Faramir dying at age 120 seems somewhat too young to me, given how super-Numenorean he is emphasized as being throughout the whole story. I mean, compared to Aragorn’s 210? But it seems that the date of his death would have likely been not too long after Eowyn died, maybe even very shortly after Eowyn died if she lived to be very old (which is not unlikely given how hale Theoden was in his 70s and that she’s a bit Dunedain herself), and so maybe he decided to will himself to die after she died – a la all those bazillion women in the legendarium who up and died when their husbands died. Okay fine I admit this is partly just about my salt over all those always-female widows, but I genuinely like it as a character thing too.

[iam-constant]

Better End

#12

- Hey, there princess. – You slowly open your eyes. – Dream anything good about me?

- What… happened?

- You know, just the usual. We fell apart badly. – You try to sit up on the rock bed, I reach to help you.

- Don’t touch me…

- What’s wrong? – I guess, I don’t get any time off.

- What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve been messing with me all this time?

- What are you talking about? I’m as confused as you are right now.

- You didn’t seem confused at all and he admitted it. You were the one that beat my…

- Wait what? That was true? - Shit. - Fuck… is he really dead?

- Don’t play dumb with me… You did it. And no, he’s not dead, but he was really close. - Your irritated voice is not the best sound to hear, especially when it’s irritated because of me.- He even told me it was you, I didn’t believe him. I came here to talk to you and I find you dead.

- I’m sorry OK? But I’m not playing… I swear, I had no idea princess.

- I told you already, stop fucking calling me that. – You tried to stand from the bed on the left leg, but it gave out. I helped you stand. – Fuck off, already… and stop playing around, I know what you are doing. I know you want to make yourself look good, so I’m the evil one.

- Look, I have zero clues what you are talking about. And if I wanted to make you look bad, I’d stop at the part where you broke up with me, but I’m trying to help you stand right now OK? So can you like help me back a little?

- I don’t need your help and what the fuck is wrong with my leg? I can’t properly move it.

- Yeah OK, I admit, that was my fault…

- What do you mean? – You sit back on the bed and raise the leg. – Why are my clothes all red and why do I have a scar on my leg? – You look at me with the angry eyes. - Did you try to fucking cut off my leg?

- Don’t be ridiculous, I wasn’t trying to cut your leg off. – You roll your finger along the scar. – I tried to cut mine, it’s just the “worldmaker” somehow altered the thread and connection, so you received the injury.

- What the hell is wrong with you? – You scream at me. - You tried to cut your leg off? Why can’t you just act normally for a second?

- Oh, really? Here, of all places you expect me to act normal?

- It would be nice change of pace for once. What were you even thinking? Why would you ever consider cutting your own leg off?

- Well, what do you expect of me? You were unconscious and I was just trying to get you out of this place. I have to somehow lock the door from the inside, so the douche doesn’t follow. But I can’t do it, because we’re tied up like this. Marg said that the thread can’t be cut so I thought cutting my leg off would work. I’m statis, it wouldn’t even hurt me. How was I supposed to know it would end up like this? – You looked at me for a second and noticed the blood on me.

- You’re all soaked in blood. – Your voice went down a bit. I must look like shit. – How long was I out?

- I don’t know, at least an hour or so. – I called out to “worldmaker” to bring a mirror and it did. I looked inside and boy do I look red. My hands, arms, shirt, jacket, jeans, even my hair and face is drenched in your blood. I guess I wasn’t feeling any of that, when I was trying to attach your foot back.

- An hour? – You look back at your ankle. – Look at this. You ruined my favorite socks and jeans.

- Hey, I love those socks and jeans just as much and it hurts me even more than you know to see them like this.

- You don’t even… You should just clean yourself.

- We don’t have time for that, Mr. Douche is probably looking for us. I’ve been moving the night cave around, but he’ll find us eventually. We need to do something.

- Do you have any plan?

- None, whatsoever. I was hoping you’d ask “worldmaker”. You know, the way you used to.

- What are you talking about?

- Well you know. It always listens to you in some weird way. Remember it would help you create things that were needed.

- That’s your plan? To hold a putty in a hand and hope the “worldmaker” helps? Another you seemed more prepared, he knows a lot about fighting in here.

- I know, he even knows how to fly.

- And you don’t? You still haven’t learned how to fly?

- No… Which is fucking lame. I tried like bazillion times, I fall on my ass every damn time.

- It’s the first thing I learned, the easiest trick in here.

- I know, you told me that every time I fell.

- Well, whatever. Did you even try the putty?

- Yeah, it didn’t work.

- You know, whatever will be created, if something will be created, it’ll be another puzzle.

- I know, it’s really hard to pin the reason why the world creates what it creates, but maybe we get lucky this time. We could use some right about now.

- OK, but I think you should start thinking about other options. – You close your eyes and call the “worldmaker”. The ground rises as a small pillar in front of you and stops near your hand. You pick up the clay that is on the pillar and hold it with both hands. For a couple of seconds, nothing is happening. – I think it’s not working… – Then suddenly, the putty starts growing, transforming in your hand.

- You give up too easily. – Clay takes shape and it’s familiar but not in the good way. You look at me, as the putty finishes transformation. You throw the object away. It’s an iron crowbar.

- What… What does it mean? Why would it create that thing?

- I don’t know. – I look in your eyes. - But are you sure. It was the “worldmaker” that created it?

- What are you talking about?

- Well, you’re obviously still angry with me, so maybe…

- Oh, you think just because I’m angry with you I want to kill you?

- Uhh… It happened once, it can happen again.

- Oh, fuck you. – I walk towards the crowbar and pick it up. It looks like a simple iron bar, nothing unusual.

- What am I supposed to do with it now? Hit it over my head? It just always has to be a puzzle with you.

- Yeah, blame everything on me. That will help a lot.

- I’m not blaming. – No matter how I turn this bar, it’s not making any sense. – I’m thinking that “worldmaker” is on your side.

- You know that’s stupid. It doesn’t have sides.

- Well, it create a crowbar that you crowbarred me to death with when you were asking for help. Why?

- I don’t know that. Maybe it’s saying to kill the other you?

- If we kill other me, there will be no body for me to go back to. And we can’t even move properly, this thread is making everything harder. You can’t fly away. – I touch the thread, it’s warm.

- It’s that woman’s fault. I was against it remember?

- Yes I remember. But if it wasn’t for this thread you’d be gone ten times over already.

- That’s also true… - Thread in my hand suddenly started losing color and warmth, in the end it disappeared.

- OK, seriously. It’s totally on your side now… - We stare at each other surprised.

- I’m not… - Suddenly the ground started shaking. That must be the douche. I look at you. - What are we going to do?

- You get out of the “worldmaker”, I’ll deal with my own demons.

- You can’t kill him, you just said it.

- Don’t worry princess. I’ll improvise, like usual. – I take the key out of my jacket and I give it to you. – Here take it. I’ll lock the door behind.

- You’re going to need help. You can’t win against him.

- I’ll manage don’t worry. – You look me in the eyes as the roof of night cave opens up and lets the sun in. – You should really go.

- Nobody’s going anywhere… – I hear my own voice. – Not without my say so. – I look around but I don’t see anybody. – You both stay right here.

- Princess, when I say run, run towards the entrance and don’t look back. I’ll hold him off.

- No, I’m staying…

- For what reason? You have your life outside. I’ll deal with this imaginary problem on my own, now leave. I don’t need you here, trust me. – You look at me.

- Fine, I’ll leave. But don’t die or do something stupid OK?

- Well, I did both already, so… – I smile at you to get some courage, you smile back at me. - Ready?

- Yes. – I call the “worldmaker”, I don’t know where the douche is exactly so I push everything, except the entrance away. The cave splits, at first it seems like it’s actually growing or we’re becoming smaller and smaller. – RUN, NOW PRINCESS! – You start running towards the entrance, but suddenly a pillar bursts out of the ground, it almost hit you.

- You stay right there, you are not running away. – Douche is in the air. – Look at me now, LOOK AT ME!

- DON’T STOP PRINCESS, KEEP RUNNING. – I pick a boulder and throw it towards him, It missed.

- I SAID, LOOK AT ME! – You are still, running. He’s creating obstacles to stop you, I have to somehow get his focus off you, but he’s in the air, screaming out all his rage. It thunders and the sky goes dark again. The rain starts to pour down. I throw another boulder at him, but it stops right in front of him and the douche stands on it. It’s like I’m no match for him. – LOOK AT ME! – I have to change the strategy. – ANNIKA! - Deafening sound of thunder breaks. - LOOK AT ALL THE MESS YOU’VE MADE. – The lightning almost hits you. That’s it douche, Now you’ve done it. I launch myself in the air and this time he took notice, but it was too late. I grab him with the both hands and drag him away. – What are you doing? She’s getting away… YOU MORON, YOU CAN’T EVEN FLY.

- But I’m a pro at falling down. – I hope you left already princess. We both fall on the ground, but the ground is too soft. It’s like a cushion. He must have managed to change it, before we hit the ground. I roll away and hit the tree. He’s on the ground in front of me. As I try to stand up I feel the pain in my arm.

- I know you’re probably thinking, “But, I’m statis, why does it hurt”? That’s because I created it just for you. – I look at my arm. A blade is pierced through it. That douche bag, he must have done it in the air. I fall back on my ass. He stands up and comes close. – The blade kills statis, do you feel how it makes you disappear? – I try to take the blade out, but he pushes it back.

- Aaaaah…

- Oh, that hurts doesn’t it? Do you want it to stop? Don’t worry… - He whispers in my ear. – It will end soon. And you won’t like the end.

- It doesn’t matter, she left already.

- You think I care? She’s just a bonus. First priority for me is to get the body… - He’s playing with the blade and it’s not feeling that good.

- What do you want that body for? You have it already… why does it matter if you get the old one?

-  Oh don’t tell me, you forgot that too. When the dumbass split us, he left some memories just for himself. One of which is about “worldmaker” and how to connect it with the real world. - What? It can be connected to the real world? When did I learn that? -  When I take the body back in my control, I can be the fucking god of the world. Don’t you see that? Whatever I want will happen. So that princess of yours can run all she wants to… there is no way she can hide from me.

- Oh boy, you really are a chestnut, aren’t you. That’s like the lamest evil theme as it gets. World domination, really? I mean are you trying to make us look bad? – But he’s right. We both forgot something important.

- You can joke more, it always amuses me. But this blade… - He shakes the blade. – Will erase you. – Then suddenly a blue mark appears on his face. When I understand what it is, I start laughing. – Why are you lau… - His eyes cross and he falls back on the ground.

- I guess it’s your turn to have your head smashed in. - I grab the blade out of my arm and I stand up slowly. Another bruise appears on his face as he screams.

- Aaaah… What is happening?

- I guess, princess figured it out. - When I hit the douche injury transferred to the body, there was no reason, why it shouldn’t work backwards. He shoved his face in his hands. I walk up to the douche with blade in my hand and start looking for a key in a jacket. I find it and call the “worldmaker” for the second entrance. The one, that douche came from.

- But you can’t kill me. She can’t kill me. I’m you. – I turn my back on douche and open the doorway.

- I know, I don’t think she can’t finish the job. Not this time. So, I’ll have to get my hands dirty. – I look back as the douche jumps on me. We both stumble out of the “worldmaker”, we’re in some weird apartment. I drop the blade and fall back. Douche is hitting me with all his anger and rage.

- You are the problem all along, you were the reason she left. Not me, you are the reason… - His fists don’t hurt, but I’m losing statis each time he hits. I have to do something. I cover my head with one hand, I see the blade. I reach out to get it, but it’s too far. -  She loves me, she needs me… - I’m trying to hold him with one hand, still hoping that I’ll reach the blade. But I can feel it, with each hit I’m slipping away, I can’t hold. I close my eyes… and that’s when I feel a blade in my hand. As a reflex, I swing it with all I have without opening my eyes. Punching session stops… did I do it? I open my eyes and see the douche with a blade stuck in his head. He’s dead for good. I push the body off me and get up. I look around the place. It seems strangely familiar, but I don’t remember exactly and I don’t have time to examine it. I go towards the entrance to “worldmaker”, statis is worn out, I can barely walk straight. I enter the world. The weather is better, it’s sunny with no chance of rain. I have to find you, I hope you stopped beating the slouch. I walk towards the rivertea and I see you princess. With a crowbar over your head. I think I’m having Deja vu.

- Princess, it’s done. You can stop now. – You look back and crowbar falls from your hand on the ground. I look at the body, it’s pretty bruised up. – I thought you left for sure.

- I was going to, but then I decided to stay for the kicks.

- Hah… you’re always welcome for that. – I look back at the body.

- What happened? Is it really over?

- Ye, it’s over. I just needed something sharp to get the argument through the thick skull of his. – I look at you. Your eyes are teared up. Ready to produce some of the highest quality water. -  Don’t worry, you did what you had to, you actually saved my life.

- Are you going to get inside now? - You point at the body.

- Yeah, I probably should. – You walk towards the body and put the heart back in the chest. – Are you sure this will work?

- Yeah, if I know anything about myself. There is no way I’ll keep sleeping instead of seeing you.

- How romantic. – You fix my hair.

- Will you stay for a while? – You nod in agreement.

I walk up to the body and touched myself. (God that sounds naughty.) I feel the breeze, lifted off and drifting in. It feels natural, like before. Then I get a slight discomfort, It’s trying to push me out, I feel the pain and all the bruises. It’s fighting back, but then I feel it, somebody is calling. I push as hard as I can, and I manage to get a hold of it. I open my eyes as they encounter yours closed, your breath falling on my face. My head resting in your lap.  I don’t think there will be any amount enough for me. I’d die over and over if that’s what it takes to keep you coming back for me. You pull back and look away.

- Did you just… - You smile with that foxy smile of yours.

- Don’t get any funny ideas. I did it because I had to… How are you feeling?

- I’m good, bit beaten up. But I’ll be good. I do have this weird feeling, like the clothes are too big though.

- You can just get new one.

– Well then, I guess that’s it princess. I’m alive again.

-  Yeah? How does it feel?

- It hurts a bit when I think.

-  Ha-ha. I guess your humor is still dead. – I’m staring at you. – Stop looking at me like that. - You cover my eyes with your hand. – What are you plans now?

- No plans, just another day to live by. - I grab your hand and kiss the palm.

- Eew… Seriously, what’s with the hand fetish?

- I have only one fetish princess and it’s for you.

- I don’t know. You used to kiss my hands a lot.

- Well, that’s because I knew they would eventually have to kick my ass and I was just hoping they’d go easy on me. But they totally didn’t.

- And now it’s romantic and tragic.

- I told you, I do this lame stuff only for you princess. – We sit under the tree for quite a while, I could take roots here. But I feel you want to move. My body is almost healed. I don’t want to, but I raise my head.

- Did you remember what happened? - You ask.

- Yes, I remember. It wasn’t as much fun though.

- Why did you do it? Why did you split yourself up?

- Oh, I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t even know how to do it. It was the “worldmaker”. I think it just got fed up with my wallowing in the sadness and created an enemy I could fight for you. It tried to give me better reason than what I was left with.

- And what was that if I may know? – You force a smile on your face.

- That you left me for another… – Oh how I hate these moments, when something I say makes that adorable face look sad.

- I…

- Don’t… you probably forgot the reason “why” already. It doesn’t mean that there was none at the time. – I stand up. -  Come on, I have something to show you. – I help you get up and we walk for a second to the mountain top. – You see that big tree at the horizon? – You nod. - I made some new rules to the “worldmaker”. I got to play around with the perspective.

- What does that mean?

- Look. – I position my hand, so that it looks like I’m holding the tree. The birds fly away from the tree in flocks as I grab it and take it out with roots. I clean it a bit.

- Wow… that’s actually really cool.

- I know you’re too cool for the flowers, so… – I give you the tree.

- It’s beautiful, but it won’t follow in real world. It will disappear.

- Than I’ll get you another one. – You hug me, we stay like this for a while, and then I say something lame again. - I love you.

- I… I have to… – You hug me tighter. Your voice, it sounds so lonely, so tired.

- I know princess. – We only get a day in paradise. – I didn’t say it to hear it back. – I let you go. – I want to thank you, for helping me… live I guess. – I call the “worldmaker” and it brings the entrance. – I know you have to go… I think I’ll be here for a while, creating some interesting worlds. Who knows, maybe you’ll take interest in one of them. – You look at me with those sad eyes, you seem lost again. - Hey I know it’s dumb and all and it’s a fool’s hope all over again. But I just can’t stop thinking about it princess.

- About what?

- You know, how they say that third time is the charm. – You smile.

- How… how can you be sure? – I start laughing.

- Sure? I don’t have to be sure princess, remember? I’m in love. – You start laughing too. – See you around, princess. – You turn around and go through the door. The entrance is closed and the wind only blows from west. 

This is it princess, it's not the best I’d want for us, but it's the end I can live with. The better kind of ending, out of all the other, the one where it’s not really…

                                                 The END