#i think they died kinda early on though. Either that or I just can't fucking find them

[anipgarden]

Catch me out here making posts on how to collect milkweed seeds because I'm hoping at least SOMEONE out there has good luck

*collapses to the ground* my fuckin swamp milkweeds got Heat Waved and barely even flowered, let alone got pollinated.... I'll have to see if my root stock ones or Swampy even come back next year, but this year definitely isn't the Year of the Ani Swamp Milkweed Success

[bitchlessdino]

lee chan needs love too (m)

Pairing: fuckboy!chan x fem!reader

Genre: smut, humor

Word count: 9.3k

tags: pwithp, mention of high school, mention of alcohol, college au, virgin!chan, fuckboy!chan, frat boy!chan, lip piercing!chan, blonde!chan, yearning, car sex, unprotected sex, breasts play, oral (rec.), degradation, kinda exhibitionism, manhandling, possessive!chan, pet names

Summary: There was Lee Chan from High school and now Lee Chan from college. You insist they are not the same person. The only thing they have in common is they both got to fuck you.

author note: happy early bday to me hehe 🥳🥂🎉🎊🎂 this was entirely self indulgent and although i think i could've done better with the plot, i think it makes sense some what for what it is and regardless i hope you guys enjoy. at least the banner is very cute and look blonde chan even has a piercing.

Tag: @shiningstar-byulxx @misssugarlips @tommolex @hoeforhao @honglynights @homerunhansol @dkakapizzaboy @junhui-recs @svtup @buffhoshi @meowmeowminnie @caratochan @lovebot4han

The last time you saw Lee Chan was in the back of his used Camry at Boo Seungkwan’s graduation party. 

He blossomed the fuck out of nowhere into an unrecognizable gorgeous specimen of a man when you caught him fucking your roommate during the middle of finals season when you desperately need the peace and quiet to study. It was probably the dead of night—10 pm in your case—and the juice in your Bluetooth earbuds had just died. It was especially unfortunate since they were sound blocking you didn’t realize how badly you needed it with the fuckfest in the room across from you.

By the sound of it, Minnie was having a great time—which you usually aren’t mad about—but so was her friend, who you might add was obnoxiously loud (hot too, but that wasn't the point). You screamed at them from your desk, but you doubt they heard anything with the music on blast you’re assuming was to block out their noise. It was proven less than fruitful when you get no response in return. Finally, you forced yourself out of your room and began pounding hard against her door in desperate pleas. “I should be used to it by now, but please, please keep it down, even a smidge. I have a really important exam in the afternoon. And I can’t t—“

Before you can continue rambling, the door opens from the other side. You met the eyes of a bottle blonde, 5’8, taut and misted with sweat all over, adorned with a pretty piece of metal at his bottom lip. Oh no, he’s hot.

The man looked surprised at your appearance, despite the fact he was the one that turned the knob and swung it open. He stood there, looking more attractive than you anticipated, and just observed you in incomprehensible disbelief. “Well, shit.”

“Yeah. Look I get it, you guys have every right to…continue what you’re doing, all I ask is,” You squeeze your index and thumb to indicate something small, “take it down a notch, a little notch.”

He scoffed, looking amused. He crossed his arms and lean against the door frame, very fortunately wearing underwear (boner shapely and defined). And it only took a second for you to trace the outline of his gorgeously crafted body. As if he was made with marble, he looks as though one of the greats did him a solid by sculpting him one of the most beautiful bodies you’ve ever seen. You almost didn't realize you were ogling at it until he began to speak in his smooth tenor tone of voice. “Can't really take a notch down, but I can promise it’ll be quick.”

You didn’t like the suggestion in his tone nor the wink he displayed either.

“Come back to bed,” your roommate whined in the background. You shut your eyes in disdain, now in disbelief that you were negotiating with one of her hookups right now. “How quick?”

He grinned. “How do you feel about joining?”

“Not happening.”

“Then…” he pondered in thought, “give or take 10, 15 minutes.”

“How the hell is that quick? Don’t college guys cum for like 5 minutes?”

He chortled, and you caught that gleaming smile that likely coerced your roommate in the first place. “I’m a feminist. Ladies first.”

“I’m also a lady, so I say, make it quick…please and thank you.” You walked off with that and waited patiently for them to be done, only to realize it was going to take way longer for both of them to finish than it would be to charge your earbuds halfway, so you settled for the latter.

By the time he left, it was the morning after and you were honest to Minnie about ‘not liking this one,’ to which she laughed like it was the funniest thing you ever said.

Pieces really began to be put together one afternoon going through your old school yearbooks when you found them in the back of your closet. Minnie joined you in your period of nostalgia, wanting to see possible future hotties to cross reference to now. Then she sees him, points out the fact he was the one you confront around a week ago, and it all comes full circle. Your eyes shot back at the aged pages in pure shock, pulling it up to face to make sure you were seeing it clearly. “No way...”

“Oh my god,” she pulled it back from you, “Chan looks so cute here. I just wanna gobble him and put him in my pocket.”

He had his natural black hair, kind brown eyes, and—dawning on you on that very second—the smile that bares more joy than a kindergarten classroom. Back then, this kid didn’t have the blonde hair or piercings he had now. What he did look like was any other teenager that would listen to his parents and go to church. He was the model good boy. 

The model good boy whose virginity you took when you were 18 years old after a very public breakup with your ex at someone’s graduation party.

“What are you doing in my car?” Chan interrogated the second you let the door shut behind you.

You really had no plan then, all you knew was you wanted to evacuate the party immediately the moment things ended with Gyu. He had to be irrational and so utterly infuriating that you couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore. So, you just entered the nearest vehicle, forgetting the fact you never called an Uber or Lyft.

You weren’t ready to face the music yet, so a change of subject was in order. “What are you doing leaving early?”

“I asked you first.”

You crossed your arms obnoxiously, “And if I don’t want to answer?” In a second, you regret that, seeing the genuine concern on his face. You dropped your arms to the side. “I don’t wanna be around people right now.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile. “I’m people. Do I not count?”

“You’re a little too…perfectionist to be a regular person. Now, why are you leaving early?”

He simply shrugged. “Curfew.”

You rolled your eyes, lightly scoffing.“Of course, you have a curfew.”

You both sat in complete silence. You should’ve questioned why you were still in here, a car that didn’t belong to you with its owner, a magnet for college recommendation letters and scholarships rather than people with a potential romantic connection. But no, you just stayed there, wallowing in your internal conflicts of average day teenager, thinking about a tomorrow that you wouldn’t even remember two or three years from now.

“Wanna talk about it?” Chan initiated, breaking the silence.

You exaggerated a sigh like the theater kid you were, forearm to the forehead. “No.”

“Wanna hook up?”

You sat up from the seat to stare back at him stunned. It was a shock that such an idea would come out of his mouth even as a joke, yet temptation lingered in your body, making you clench your thighs as if you heard the lewdest thing to be said ever in history. Safe to say, it didn’t get much rile up a person on the rebound.

Before he could jump in and say the automated pathetic phrase, “Just kidding,” followed by an awkward chuckle, you’ve already thrown yourself against him from the passenger seat. You moved against him expertly as one in a high school long relationship could, tightening the crotch of his pants as he could think of anything but what he actually put in his commended college essay about his experience with—fuck what was it about?

He pulled himself away the moment he felt tongue, restraining himself to the car window for dear life. “W-what was that for?”

“You propositioned me first.” You smiled, breathless. You drew closer to him, trying to retrieve the distance–or lack thereof–you had with Chan seconds before where you could practically taste the innocence on his lips. “I want to go through with it.”

His eyes shot open like Wile E. Coyote. “W-what? Here?”

“Yes, here, Chan.”

“W-why?” he stuttered, which he did a lot of. Perhaps, he should look into that.

You mustered a sultry expression, narrowing your eyes at him which helps you notice his dilated eyes that quivered in both fear and arousal. “Because maybe all this time…I’ve wanted you. It’s always been you.”

“R-really?”

You let out a small laugh. “Well, no. But just tonight I can.”

“Does this have to do with why you left early?”

“Do you always talk this much before you fuck someone?”

“No—uh, I don’t know, I—“

You pulled back in realization. “Oh my god, you’re a virgin.”

“Shut up!” he said, typing to cover your mouth to prevent you from exposing him, which you successfully avoid.

“You had a girlfriend all throughout junior year!”

“No, I didn't. She was my secretary. I was the student body president.”

“But she kept giving you eyes.”

He squinted. “What eyes?”

“Nevermind. What matters is do you want to go through with this?”

“Having sex in my car?” He clarified, somehow doubtful.

“Yes, nerd.”

“Is the insulting really necessary?” He winced, you notice playfully.

“It’s my kink,” you dryly jestered.

You’re about to tackle him again when he pulled back one last time.“W-wait, what about condoms?”

“I’m clean,” you shrugged, “don't worry about it.”

“What about, you know?”

You scoffed. “Please, I've been taking birth control before you even started puberty. You can cum in me, Chan.”

His cheeks then turned a vibrant hue of scarlet, spreading from his cheeks to his ears. “I-in you?”

“Yes, Chan.” You climbed on top of him, straddling his lap, hand ruffling through his hair, which was quite soft despite the product. “You can cum all you want in me.” You kissed the top of his nose as your body brushed up against something big and firm. “And by the rock in your pants, you’re not against it.”

“There actually is a rock in my pants.” Chan struggled to get the geode gift given to him by his teacher at the diploma ceremony and he casually tossed it in the cupholder, chuckling nervously.

You fingered over this cheek, noticing the smooth, almost flawless skin adorned by a few moles, particularly one on the left side of his face beneath his eye was devastatingly cute, “Obviously, that’s not the rock I was talking about.”

You leaned into him, your cherry zero coke breath fanning his cheeks, and he can feel the curves of your body fit into his hollows. He stifles a breath before you kiss him again, your tongue brushing against his bottom to regain access. Naturally (as natural for Chan anyway), his hands came up your sides as he familiarized himself with your lips. You lightly moaned, digging your hips at him, before hearing a moan back that sent chills up your spine and pebbled your skin.

“Fuck, you’re so cute, Chan.”

“Y/n…” he whined unbelievably soft and malleable.

You threaded through his soft, dark hair, lightly down his scalp. 

You remember making out with him for a serial amount of time before he ‘accidentally’ (you’re still not sure to this day) lowered his seat position until he was nearly flat on his back. He uttered a soft apology before you were on him again. Clothes were tossed to the back seats and you see the bit of definition he developed from being co-captain on the dance team. You bathed in the heat of his skin as you unbuttoned his khakis, and revealed his untouched glory.

You reveled in being the first of the kind, somehow excited that you were the one to enjoy this side of Chan first, kissing him in unbridled, visceral lust. You lathered him in your wet, raw arousal, feeling the twitch of his cock against your slit as he’s groaning your name. You teased his voice, cooing praises at him for being so big and good for you until you let him take residence. 

You could feel him push through your walls, levying his sizing and stretching until your warmth. It does more than distract you, it satisfies you. You swear you hear a hiss of his voice, followed by, “fuck, that’s good,” before you bounce against his cock. You hope that the car can muffle noise because all you could repeat were your anguished moans and his name, the name that sounded like pure music to the young man’s ears.

You took his unoccupied hands, resting each on either breast while riding his firm, strong thighs. His jaw dropped. The sensation of your plush walls around his girth and the pillowy texture of your tits between his fingers made his hips buckle.

“That good?” You asked softly, to which he nodded. His eyes glaze over back at you, difficulty keeping them wide open and he finds the courage to twist your nipples between his fingers, your stomach churning whimpers escaping you the moment he does. “C-Chan…”

“Sorry, did that hurt?”

You shook your head, “No,” and folded into him, your chest immediately hitting his line of vision. “Touch me more…”

He does as you asked, staring back at you like a deer lost in wonder, and like that, everything after comes second nature. The warmth of his mouth takes over your naked breast, drawing circles against your textured skin with his tongue and he moves more freely against your body. It was fluid the way he moved like his virgin status was and is all it was, a status, not showcasing any of his skill. You fed off of him, his energy, his body, his want. He didn’t even know what he was doing. He was just a natural.

“C-can I fuck you?”

“Fuck me?”

His lips quivered, face flushed red and misted in sweat, “Yes, can I fuck you against the seats?”

You slowly nodded before readjusting in the seats. Chan, still inside you, found his natural pace, letting his cock hit you with enough power and depth that it made your legs freeze and bent in the air as a response, “Mmh, Chan…”

“Is that—ump—good?”

“Yes, but faster, don’t be scared to break me.”

He isn’t sure what you mean by that but he tries. His thrusts become his own, disciplined and sharp, enveloping himself in your fluttering walls that clench harder around him the faster he went. Your hands gripped his upper body, lips latching on his to dampen the sound of your voice. Your body pressed to the tautness of his, pushing him deeper inside and you felt it mere seconds away. An orgasm. An actual orgasm.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck me, Chan!” You were blistering the heat of your climax, you writhe underneath him and clutched against him by the back of your knees.

He’s eternally grateful because he was seconds away from cumming himself. He let your hips falter, coming down from the high before letting his hips take over. Drowning you in his grunts, he fucked you until he climaxed, his final thrusts painting your insides in ivory honey and making you feel whole. He panted against you, a tired smile on his face as he held his cum in you with mere his cock. Finally, he rests.

“Congratulations,” you said, laughing.

He scoffed lightly, “Thanks.”

It stayed like that for a few minutes, cock wet and warm in you, finding peace in the gentle chaos. He pushed himself from on top of you and looked down on your sweaty, exhausted form. His lips crashed against yours, and you sense his gratitude as he backed off. “Really. Thank you.”

You smiled lightheartedly, “Shut up and get me some wipes, please. I know you have them.”

He let out a little giggle before retrieving the assumed wipes from the glove compartment, helping you get clean. It wasn’t a thorough job but it did what it could. “Want me to take you home?”

“Might as well as payment,” you joked again, thinking it will get rid of this tension that still lingered. 

The ride went on in silence beside the radio’s pop music, consumed in your thoughts. It’s funny, you were used to being the type to always have to say something in any conversation, but with Chan right now, you had nothing, forcing the quiet until you arrived home. He parked his car, letting you know personally he arrived where the GPS said and you look off at one another, noting how his hair was still messy from an earlier event and you can’t help but fix it.

“Don’t want you caught,” You chuckled, moving your hands through until it was in proper Chan form. “There.”

“Hold on.”

His hand reached over your face. Thinking it was for another liplock, you stayed seated, prepared for the cushion of his lips as you pursed yours. Instead, he’s wiping away whatever it was from the corner of your lips, staring back at you with the sparkle in his eyes. “You got something there.”

“Um, Chan…I’m not wearing anything on my lips.”

“I-I knew that—,” You crushed your lips against him one last time, the salty-sweet taste of want from your tongue lingered on his, and you exit the car to never see him again. Or so you thought.

Was it the best sex you ever had up until now? No, definitely not. Was it good sex? Yes, way better than you anticipated. Then again you were comparing it to your ex, and at that point, anyone’s dick was the next coming of Jesus the more you think about it. 

“God, Chan grew up so hot,” Minnie gushed.

“I’ll say,” you agreed in reflex, “I mean, he sure looks different.”

“Different? They’re like two separate people,” She said, biting her lip, “Is it weird I wanna call him over again?”

“Yes.”

She rolled her eyes at your answer before flipping through the pages while you were still processing this information. You’ve had time to forget it happened and have had plenty of sex after then, but Chan will always be a little special. And you’d be lying if you weren’t the tiniest curious about how he turned out after all this time. It was hard to believe he's who he is now.

Since then and after some light stalking, you found out the college he attended was a neighboring one. He took part in a popular frat (gamma, omega, theta, whatever) that, surprise surprise, hosted some of the biggest parties that even students from your university attended. He just so happens to be one of the members actively posted on the site surrounded by hot people with his gorgeous blonde lip piercing ass. Goddamn, it.

Okay, that’s it. You can stop right there. No need to dig any deeper. Besides, he’s just some guy you hooked up with once (a great once for his first time), just once. That’s it. There’s no need for you to go all yourself like you used to do for your exes. This was just Lee Chan.

“Hi there, you’re Minnie’s roommate.” You found Lee Chan grinning back at you with a stack of fliers in his hands as you walked the neighboring streets that you conveniently heard he’d be around. Social media is a curse. “We have a charity event where all proceeds will be going to feed the starving homeless at a couple of shelters down in the area.”

You accepted the flier and tucked it under your pit as you crossed your arms in a questioning manner. “When were you going to let me know?”

“Ah,” his smile stretched wider as his hand slapped against the stack before clutching it to his chest, “took you long enough.”

“So what, you were just gonna wait until I realized it myself?”

“That was the idea, but I knew you were smart. You’d figure it out—charity event, we’ll keep you company,” he handed off the flyer to a pair of girls with an effortless wink before they’re scurrying off blushing a squealing.

“Isn’t this something the pledges do, what are you even doing out here?”

He stands beside you, a devious smile tattooed on his face, “I’m one of the people that manage social media. I pay attention to our activity feed and couldn’t help but see a like pop up and disappear in front of my very eyes.”

Your cheeks heat up, caught red-handed, “So you knew I’d be here and came out anyways.”

“Figured you wanted to talk,” he said, keeping his hands busy and eyes wide and charming.

“Why? Thinking about me?”

“You’re not someone that I could just stop thinking about, Y/n.”

Your name in his voice burned your ears, making you flick it away as if it were a bug. “Well, just came here because I remembered something I saw. That’s all. Go about your day.”

You’re about to storm off when he’s calling for you again and you shamelessly look back. His eyes turned up the way his smile does, sauntering over as he locked you in his trance. You were almost hypnotized by the sterling steel that looked so pullable you had to physically restrain yourself with pinches to your forearms. “You’re coming to the party.”

“Says who?”

He has this permanent playful expression, one that doesn’t recall down days or cram studying. He looked entirely carefree. So unlike the Chan from high school. “Says me. Plenty of booze, plenty of champagne, plenty of food, plenty of me to go around.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Kidding,” He laughed. “But don’t you think it’s rather serendipitous that we found each other again? After so many years?”

You squinted at him. “Yeah, sleeping with my roommate.”

“It’s like I somehow found my way back to you.”

“You have a hickey on your neck.”

His eyes shoot open, and a hand came over his neck, “Road bumps exist to get to our destination.”

“I lied, there was nothing there,” you said, not falling for his whimsy, ready to walk off again.

He chased after you, trying to lure you back with that smile he somehow found out you can get enough of. “Not fair, but fine. But don’t try to convince me you aren’t happy to see me. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

“I…I don’t know why I came here. I didn’t know what I was expecting.”

He gave you a befuddled look. “What do you mean? It’s me. Chan. I thought maybe you’d be at least a little excited to see me.”

The Lee Chan you knew was so different from now, blonder, spunkier, riskier for the faint of heart. Your fair trade of relationships was a healthy amount, enough to know what you wanted and somehow it all lead back to Chan three years ago. Like it meant something to be joined in something intimate with him. Your eighteen yourself would be laughing at you right now at the thought of you yearning for Lee Chan of all people. Not that anything was wrong with him, just that Chan was Chan and you were you. And now Chan is Chan and you were, well, same old you.

“You…I’m not used to this.”

His brows furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You could read the offense as soon as it arrived, immediately coming to defend yourself. “I was excited to see you.”

“Well, I’m here. What’s the problem?” If you knew any better, he looked hurt.

“You’re like a whole other person. I don’t know this Chan.”

“Then get to know me. No offense, but you barely even knew that Chan.”

“I—,” he wasn’t wrong. You hardly spoke as classmates. Hell, the sex was the longest conversation you’ve ever had. Before that was him asking for directions to where the auditorium was since it was a part of campus he never visited, but you weren’t ignorant to him. You always noticed Chan. Just never in that light until the last minute. Yet, you missed that Chan. Not like you had any right to. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Why do you already think that lowly of me? You think we can’t be in the same town breathing the same air as each other?”

“Chan, of course not.”

“I get it. Stranger dangers and all that shit right? But we’re a little more than strangers, aren’t we?”

For some reason, you couldn’t answer and instead stared down at your feet. He let out a frustrated sigh, in disbelief the carefree person he knew several years ago was this same person in front of him. “Is there a problem you have with me?”

Because he looks like a fuckboy and you avoid fuckboys like the plague now. Remember?

“I don’t know,” you crossed your arms.

He took a step forward, taking the flier folded against your arm and smoothing out the wrinkles before he placed it in your hand. “Well, it’s just a party. So come. See me, ignore me, drink your heart out. Whatever, but come.”

He gave you one last bittersweet smile before deciding to walk off, following his frat brother who was already far ahead of him.

There was a tug of war between your mind and body, fighting the internal conflicts that make you hesitant to reconnect with Chan again. There’s no doubt a piece of you still hoped for the old Chan that lingered in your mind throughout all these years and the imminent lure of new Chan who was just the embodiment of every red flag you’ve ever seen in your past relationships.

Saying going to this party is a mistake would be an understatement.

“Oh my gosh, it looks so pretty here!”

You came arm in arm with Minnie, admiring the aesthetic light fixtures on the walls, while wearing the nicest garb you could conjure up from your closet. It was a navy blue dress in crushed velvet that hits you right at your ankles that could only be paired with a light pair of heels for the night to go on a little easier. You mused around at the decorations, impressed with the craftsmanship, surprised this was an event planned by college bros obsessed with Greek life. “It does look nice here.”

One block heel over the other, you were subconsciously scanning for a bright blonde head in sight. Instead, you were surrounded by several familiar faces of his members in suits and ties, remembering seeing them all over the Fraternity’s Instagram. They greeted you as hosts do and two of them took you and Minnie to unoccupied seats. The person that guided you to your seat, Seokmin, offered you a refreshment, while Soonyoung, Minnie’s guide, did the same for her. Once they had disappeared for a few minutes, Minnie could do nothing but gush over their looks.

“They’re so cute! Oh, do you think they’d wanna double date us?” Minnie asked with her eyes cheery and bright.

You looked back at the pamphlet and the itinerary, pointing at something peculiar. “Maybe, if we win the date auction with them.”

“Boo, I’m broke,” she pouted, “I’ll just have to charm myself the way I always do.”

You chuckled at her delight before the boys returned and chatted you up for the time being. You remained mostly cordial while Minnie brought in the charm she’s so famous for and amidst the jokes and lighthearted pandering, the awaited blonde is seen entering, greeting other guests that have made their arrival.

Your chest felt light, letting out a sigh of relief as though Lee Chan’s appearance made the event all the more tolerable, and maybe it had. However, it’s tightened as soon as you realize how incredibly his body fits the cream-colored suit, reminding you of white chocolate. Decadent and unique on your tongue, echos of his moans so familiar infiltrate the busiest part of your brain, blocking out background noises and images other than Lee Chan.

“All good, Y/n?” Seokmin so politely asked.

In a broken trance, you turned to them and nodded, seeing Minnie doubtful of your answer. You started getting from your chair, apologizing. “I’m fine. I think I saw my friend? You guys keep chatting. I’ll be back.”

You escorted yourself, smoothing the wrinkles of your dress before approaching him out of his view. He doesn’t suspect the anxious figure walking up to him, attention focused on other company while giving them that dazzling toothpaste smile on his face. As you tapped on his shoulder, he turned to you, melting into a soft, long gaze once he drank in your appearance. He politely excused himself from his previous company and offered you his elbow. Pleasantly surprised, you took it with stride, interlocking through, and quietly followed him somewhere a bit more private (as private as it can be in a semi-public event). “You look ravishing,” He whispered only loud enough for you to hear. 

“Thank you,” you mumbled flushed, arm wrapping tighter around him, “You look really put together like this.”

“‘Put together?’ Way to damper a guy’s confidence,” he laughed, feigning offense.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“It’d be nice to hear it too.”

You exhaled, “You look really…handsome, Chan.”

A peaceful smile grazed his face. “Better. So, did you take a look at the itinerary?”

You nodded, twiddling your fingers before conjuring up the courage to ask, “Are you going to be in that auction?”

“Straight to it,” he chuckled melodiously, “What’s it to you?”

“Nothing like that, just curious.”

He shrugged. “Well, I will be one of the dates for the auction. Get your wallet ready.”

You lightly nudged him, chuckling, “You wish.”

“I do wish.” His lips neared your ear. “Maybe you winning is my end goal.”

Feeling the heat radiate off your cheeks, you shove him off of you away from innocent bystanders. “You’re so funny.”

“It’s my best asset,” he said, joining your arms back again. “Winner gets a weekend date of their choice with a budget of $75. Tempting, isn’t it?”

“You would be one to think so.”

“I’d make our date worthwhile.”

His dark temptation sent chills down your spine and you punched his arm, hard. “Stop it.”

“Stop what,” he teased, rubbing his likely bruised arm.

“Being this.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Why are you bothered by me? Be honest.”

You sighed, loosening the grip on his arm. “You were right and I don’t know you. I never really did. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about you. It’s just strange to see someone I saw one way again after a few years and you’re completely different.”

“You don’t like the way I look?”

You shook your head. “No. In fact the opposite, I like it so because it reminds me of so many of the people I’ve been with, but I don’t want you to be any of them. I want you to be Chan.”

“I am Chan,” He said, taking you aside and holding your hand in his. “Just because I look a certain way doesn’t make me any less me. But I’m flattered you think so much about me.”

“What do you even get out of this?” You changed the subject. “Inviting me to places, talking sweet, and being nice to me.”

He shrugged his shoulders, an unsure smile on his face. “Okay, so maybe, I felt something when I saw you again.”

“Just like you felt something when you saw Minnie?” You snapped.

“...That’s not what this is,” he answered seriously.

“What is it then?”

He gave you a grim expression. “I’m not sure either.”

“Be honest, Chan. How often is it that you go on dates, or hook up with someone like you did with Minnie?”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“Because it is. How would I be any different than that? What makes me different from everyone else?”

“Because you’re not like anyone else.” He answered definitely.

Before you could ask him what he meant, Chan is pulled away by the other members of his frat to get him prepared for the auction coming up soon. He graced you with a bitter smile before disappearing behind doors where you’re forced to rejoin Minnie and the boys you left behind. They asked if you were alright, to which you less than sublimely answered, but they didn’t push it.

You tried being good company the rest of the night, making small jokes, greeting new people, and taking advantage of the catering that is surprisingly better than you expected. Yet, Chan was still running rampant in your mind. The auction was seconds away from starting and he would be there on that stage just like everyone else, devastatingly handsome and charming that you could melt in a puddle. You somehow come with several glasses of champagne that night to the point Minnie issued you an end to it by force-feeding you water to sober up. It doesn’t work that well.

The stage lights turned on and music loudly played in the background. A man in a suit different from the rest began introducing potential suitors available for auction, including the friendly members you’ve come to know this evening, who waved back at your table when they got on stage. It goes for a few hours so far and the Greek house has accumulated several thousands of dollars in funds. Meanwhile, your sobriety was gradually replenishing over time until the announcement of the next auction date would step on stage.

“Up next we have is Lee Chan, respected brother and life of the party!”

The blonde stepped on stage with fierce charisma, smiling and waving like it was his own red carpet, even striking a few poses for good measure. The emcee goes on about qualities you already knew and some you didn’t as the slideshow is off in the background like it was for all of the previous dates on stage. That’s when the show really began for you. Photographs of Chan playing basketball, obviously playing for team skins, as his hair bundled up in a sweaty, sexy mess. They were the kind of pictures people used for body fitness inspiration or just plain inspiration because what better motivation could one have other than the bare torso of Lee Chan. 

Cheers of encouragement cause a deep blush to appear on his gorgeous face, and you swear you saw him tug anxiously at his lip ring in the most delectable way. You stifled a breath, heart pitter-pattering like rain in a violent storm. “Holy—“

“Shit,” Minnie breathed out, “Go, Chan.”

You suddenly remembered who and where you were, wiping away your drool before it was visible.

“Let’s start out the bidding at $50.”

“$100!”

“$150!”

“$250!”

“Woah, woah, looks like we already got a couple of takers. Are we hearing a $255?”

The longer that went on the more severe the anxiety was bubbling up inside you. The numbers only got higher and higher, louder and louder, taunting your inhibitions. Before you knew it, you’re jumping up from your seat in a clearly unsober but confident state screaming, “One thousand dollars” from the top of your lungs. Chan looked in your direction, shocked, eyes wide as doe while his lips started parting in a small smile, a reasonable surprise considering the mixed signals you were giving.

You weren’t sure what you were doing since there was no way you had that kind of money, but you couldn’t stop yourself. The higher the bid, the higher the influence. You couldn’t deny it anymore. You were falling under a similar spell they were all under. You had to do everything you could to—

“Two thousand dollars.”

Your gaze swung in the voice's direction to a gorgeous girl standing a few feet from you, beaming with confidence. You slumped down in your shame while the emcee congratulated the highest bidder and shy Chan for reeling in the highest amount of money so far tonight. 

The hours after just drone on, just as much as champagne did and there you were pathetic and sad to have lost. Minnie doesn’t know how you keep finding refreshments for yourself, she blames the eyes candies willfully distracting her. “Okay, seriously stop. I will ban you from alcohol for life.” Minnie carried you off outside, hugging you to her as she went to listen to your unnecessary babble.

“He was mine…”

“I know, sweetie, but she was paying a month and a half’s rent. No way we could’ve paid for that.” Your whines muffled in her shoulder, mumbling something about “fuck the rich” before you started to cry. Even Minnie found it embarrassing.

“Want me to take over?”

Chan is the first person you laid your eyes on coming up from the surface of your drunk childish tantrum, making you wipe the tears away from your eyes in a hurry. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” he said lethally soft.

“Hi!” Smiling at you both before getting up from her seat. “Usually, I wouldn’t approve of letting my girl alone with a frat boy while intoxicated but I have her location on and I know where you live. So, take good care of her or I’ll kill you.”

He gave her a gregarious nod before waving. “Bye, Minnie.”

“Bye, Chan. No more drinks, Y/n.”

She left you to Chan, following after Soonyoung and Seokmin who were surprisingly waiting for her by the door. Good for her, you thought.

“That was stupid of you,” He said sitting next to you.

“Tell me about it.”

“Did you even have $1000?”

Pouting, you shook your head. “No, but I wanted to win.”

“You wanted to win me?” He said smiling.

“Yes, isn’t it that obvious?” Your head fell against his broad welcoming shoulder. You let out a long low breath at that, clutched the breast of your dress as you tried your damnedest to breathe. You were aware of your heart rate, pounding away at your chest like a drum. Your weight pushed against him but made no change to his posture. He was like a boulder that chipped away at your weakness and made you ache for his fullness no matter how much your head told you otherwise. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Doing what?”

“Be…this. And make me crazy about you.”

His head turned down to see your face, warm brown eyes staring back into yours. “I could say the same about you. You have sex with me once years ago, give all the time in the world to recreate a feeling like it, just to chase me back when I think I’m finally forgetting about you? Diabolical of you.”

You thought you’ve heard it all before. Usually, sweet nothings go to one ear and out the other. Many of those sugar-coated words and phrases have blended into something homogenous, overplayed tactics that got you into loveless relationships fueled by sex and desire. Who knows if Chan is different, but the words he speaks, and the burning he gives you, you wanted every little bit of it. You grasped his lapel, pushing your face closer. “You thought about me?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying this entire t–”

Your patience soon wore thin. His lips tasted sweet like nectar, felt soft as pillows, warm as the summer. The heat of his skin was in stark contrast to the cool steel of his lip ring expectedly grazing your skin, churning whatever it was in your stomach. You attempted to gain leverage control, thirsting more, but you learned soon his muscles weren’t just for show. “You’re drunk, Y/n.”

“But you taste so good…”

He took a deep breath before sighing. ���Let’s just get you someplace to rest up and I can take you home after.”

Chan made good on his promise. As your body was giving in to sleep, your knight in blonde carried you off on his back to the nearest place of rest, which ended up being his bedroom that he luckily didn’t have to share. He laid you sprawled out on his thinly veiled mattress, tucking you underneath his blanket until he couldn’t see any inch of skin except your head up, and he let your soft airy snores play out.

He made his shower quick to return to you, relieving himself of the heavy suit he’s been wearing all night. He gets back to his room and placed the suit in the bag back into his closet. You’re still sound asleep as soon as he’s back but now stir in your sleep, staring to thrash around even. That made him come to your side in a hurry, trying to calm you down. He puts his hands on your body through the covers, soothing you to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, that is what makes you start to gain consciousness, pushing yourself to sit up from the bed. “Where am I?” 

“You’re awake, shit, sorry.”

“Chan?” You blinked back at him with tired eyes, barely focusing through the small slits of your vision to make out the man tending to your drowsy state.

“Yeah, you were really out of it? I had to make sure you were okay.”

“Shirtless?”

Chan looked down at his body to realize what you meant. He only came to the bathroom with a single pair of sweatpants with him fully intending to just throw a shirt on the moment he got back to the room. Now he was deeply regretting the decision seeing how awake you are. Grim at the thought of you perceiving him as some typical perverted college guy, which he was if not a little more respectful than most. “Sorry. I’ll put something on.”

You tugged him back by his wrist, stopping him. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?” He repeated, heart starting to take race in his chest.

You shook your head definitely. “Don’t.”

“Why not?”

You shifted on the bed, realizing how you were still in your dress, subconsciously shrugging off the flimsy straps. Your hand traveled from his wrist and up his forearm. The hairs of his arms stood up at your touch and he sucked in shallow breaths as your hand smoothed over to the back of his neck effortlessly. Your finger threaded through his hair. There’s a look in your eyes, unlike the others you’ve shown so far since he’s reunited with you. They only come close with the gaze he say several years ago when you defiled his 18th birthday gift at a random peer’s graduation. “Lee Chan.”

He doesn’t want to fall for it, but damn it, did he want to be an idiot and just fall, fall hard. “You’re still drunk, maybe–”

“My Lee Chan…” God, did his heart throb.

“You’re definitely drunk.”

Your hand moved over to cup cheek, feeling how he instinctively nestled in your palm. His gaze softened back at you in this familiar way it did once back in the first time and both of you can’t help but call back to that night again. It’s like you’re right where you started, seconds away before melting into one another like hormonal teenagers.

“What are you doing to me now?” He asked so softly you almost didn't make it out.

If his body wasn’t already so goddamn enticing, it was the expression on his face. You could etch out the writhing on his face when you rode his body the first time, remembering how his strong thighs buckled at your touch, burning under the heat of your thighs. Your abdomen was physically contracting thinking about it.

“Kiss me, Chan.”

He doesn’t have the will to resist you any longer and he took the opportunity, crashing his lips into yours. You embraced his naked torso, clinging on to him and tugging against his piercing before pulling him towards you in bed with a thud. You didn’t know what true love felt like but it felt as half as good as Lee Chan, you’d risk your heart over and over again just to have it in your arms.

“Take it off for me,” you whispered once his hand landed on the zipper of your dress. The common plastic rubbed over your spine, and the sound of it traveling down pooled bountiful amounts of arousal in your core. You moaned against his lips helplessly, digging your nails through his scalp. 

His sweatpants did no good in hiding his aroused state as it poked back at your thigh coming out of the slit of your dress, groan at the pain you cause him but was pleased nonetheless. His hands come up your shoulder confidently, sliding down the rest of the material as it slid off the bed and hit the ground. Your knee came up behind him, pressing him down to reunite your curves and hollows as he moved to nip the skin at your clavicle, murmurs from lips occasionally leaving his lips.

“What was that?” you asked, already intoxicated in something other than alcohol for once tonight.

“I said, ‘I’ve been wanting to fuck you the moment I saw you again.’”

His voice exhibited a gravelly rasp, one you wouldn’t have expected knowing him, but fuck, if it didn’t make your pussy full-out throb. “Yeah,” you egged on, “You wanted to see if you still fit your cock in me?”

He gave out a low growl. “I forgot how annoying you were.”

“I guess not too annoying to fuck me full in the front seat of your Camry.”

“I miss that thing. Too many good memories.” His sigh fanned over the back of your neck before his lips sucked against the skin under your ear, causing you to crumble underneath him. “But it’s fine, I can make new memories. And I won’t be worried about breaking you this time.”

His hips dipped down in yours, teasing his bulge at your wet, clothed core before you’re thrusting back in whines. Your hand roamed through his blond locks, gripping like you were doing into your insanity, if only there were just as surprisingly healthy and strong. “Fuck me already. I want you to stuff me with your cock just like the last time.”

He shook his head, that smile of his filling your insides with need and desperation. “Thought I’d catch you up on a bit on how I’ve improved first.”

He trailed kisses down your body, hands caressing over your breast before your sides. You tremble as the pads of his fingers grazed the edges of your panties, pulling them down and off of your body leaving you nothing but nude. Your glistening arousal stared back at him like a limitless fountain of youth, inclination bubbling up inside of him. The back of his hand rubbed against the moisture of your folds, seeing you thoroughly coat him as he wrapped his lips against your thighs, moans ebbing from his lips and yours.

“Your pretty pussy is so wet for me. Just like I remember.” Your clit was squeezed between his fingers, swelling up so enticingly he just had to suck against it. You clenched your abdomen, calling out for him, “fucking hell,” and then his tongue was inside you as though it was digging for gold, “holy shit.”

The sounds he made were simply carnal, like he hadn’t been feeding for months and until now you could help but eat every second up as he devoured you entirely. Your toe curled, your breath stolen from, and your cunt flooded until you could overflow a dam. “I could eat your pussy all night, baby girl…if I knew you tasted this good…would’ve been the first thing I’d done to you.” His thumb presses on your clit, flicking it from side to side, and the stripes he ran up your slit become ravenous, monstrous, torturous.

“You’re gonna make me cum, please…”

“Already,” he teased, kissing your entrance, “I’ve barely started. Or are you saying because you’re such a slut for my cock?”

You winced as he pinched your clit, holding back tears. “No, no. I’m really about to—ah—cum…”

“Guess I should savor it when it arrives, shouldn't I?”

He ate you out until you’re practically screaming, the creak of the bed would be normally something that’d bother you, but his tongue is so tantalizing you don’t even notice. Meanwhile, his hands have taken over your breasts, squeezing them so possessively in each hand you feel like you’re truly his, and none otherwise.

“Such a pretty little mess…cum on my tongue, baby girl…I need you cumming in my mouth…” His pleas sounded dirty, desperate, devastating. Your whines cried out as you begged for more, pushing his face deeper into you, feeling the burn of your cheeks. “Shut…up—fuck!”

You involuntarily came in him as he wished. Painting the inside of his mouth with your milky climax, he laughed contently in your heat as he pulled away. Your cum stretched from your sopping pussy to his lips, forcing you to watch as he licked up the mess, starting with the collection from his cheeks. “Such a good slut for me,” he wiped the cum from the underside of his chin, putting his fingers between his mouth while groaning. “I needed this so bad with the week I’ve had.” 

He wounded himself tight around his digits, letting go with a ‘pop. “Especially with how confused and horny you make me…I’m gonna fuck your stupid cunt until you’re sure you want me just as much as I want you.”

He reached over his bedside to rip open a condom and rolled it on himself, giving you the glimpse you needed to be reminded of how big and delectable just Chan’s cock was. There he then held your legs until they folded against you, spreading you wide and perfect for him to fuck into. Plunging through your cum lubricated walls, he entered you with ease, the familiar sensation of your fluttering grip took him back to his youth. “Shit, that’s good.”

You suppress a moan, to which he scolded you by squeezing your cheeks, gripping your face harshly in his direction, and what he said next was enough to make you want to cum right there on the spot. “Don’t do that. I want you to be loud. I want everyone in this house to hear you while I fuck you senseless to the point you forget your name.”

Whoever dare says Lee Chan is a liar is the real liar because he knows how to keep a promise.

His body, heavy and strong, pressed you unto the mattress mercilessly, pounding out the cheap strings that were bound to break. Your screams of his name bounced off the thin walls, taking every stroke of his cock until you were mistaken for bloody murder. It wasn’t what you expected, and yet you couldn’t be happier to be wrong. Your head threw back at the claim of his hands on your hips, now pulling at you to manually use you for his bidding, only to bottom out in you repeatedly. “Fuck Chan…please…”

After having been told to let your vocal cords loose, you took it personally and screamed his name from the rooftops, which you might as well have done with how obnoxiously boisterous you were taking every gorgeous inch. 

“Good slut,” He flipped you on your stomach, only to rut into you deep. His hand caressed your back, “I’m a bit possessive if you can’t tell. Usually, I wouldn’t care if anyone heard, but with you, I can’t help but do care. I want everyone to know who it is you’re fucking. Who it is ruining you like this.”

“Shit, that’s so hot…” you whine, your ass cheeks burning in the rage of his hips.

“Say it for me then. Say how you like me inside you. Say how you like how I’m fucking you stupid.”

You choked on your words as he pushed in you without abandon, riling himself up at the anticipation of your words. “I love you inside me…I love how you fuck me so stupid, Chan…”

He pulled you up by your arm, his hands clenched your breasts, fondling them on his palms and pinching your pretty erect nipples as his sweaty, toned chest pressed against your back. “You listen to me so fucking well,” he landed a strike on your breast, causing you to moan in response, “I wish I could’ve been fucking you like this all the time. No one was ever like you.”

Your back arched into him, convulsing as you felt the stream of your climax rise up the surface again, controlling you much the way Chan did. As if Chan could read your mind, his lips pressed against your ear tenderly, fingers coming at your swollen clit to rub it pain-achingly perfect. “Do it, cum all over my cock, baby…I want–need you to cum so hard on my cock.”

Even when you cum another time, Chan’s stamina doesn’t cease and he’s asking for another. “Just one more” he pleaded. And he’s fucking you over and over again, until you’re in his lap, grinding on his hips with cock stuffed back inside you as his legs lifted up in repetitive thrusts to rearrange your insides. His tongue roamed in your mouth without abandon, lip ring still brushing against your kiss-swollen lips as he’s whimpering how good you clench around him or perfectly you whine for him in that mouthwatering infliction. “Your pussy’s so damn perfect. Shit, I’ll—fuck, oh god.”

Your pungent honey releases once more, while Chan, unfortunately, poured him into his into the rubber, having you silently mourn the waste. He clenched you against him, your twitch so tantalizing, he had to feel every spasm, kissing you sweetly until you were soothed into stability. He whispered praise of your beauty, your body, your efforts. Bad memories of others washed away with his presence, only allowing his acts of worshiping every inch of you.

“I’m happy I came tonight.”

Chan chuckled, thinking about the unintended innuendo, as he pressed your body nestled into his closer, “Me too. Next time we can do it again, maybe without the condom next time.”

“Not without testing I hope,” You said after hearing him giggle at the thought. Then his words are repeating in your head, ‘Next time.’ You weren’t about to make the same mistake you’re used to and because it was Chan, you were confident with him it’d be different. You held his fingers in yours, lacing them through before pressing them to your lips, “Next time as in the next time we fuck or the next time we’re together?”

He softly smiled. “Looks like someone has a crush.”

“Ugh, fuck you.”

You let go of his hands, initiating his boisterous laughter and euphoria-inducing smile as he spooned your bare backside. “Next time we’re together. After I take you on a proper date that is.”

“What about your auction date?”

He sighed, suddenly remembering that. “It’s unavoidable, unfortunately, but I’ll promise to come to see you right after and show you what things I rather do to you than anyone else.”

“That a promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to die.”

You turned around to face him again and pressed your hands against his soft and supple cheeks, kissing his lips long and languidly. “You’re so cute.”

“Ugh,” he groaned, pulling you by the waist, “I thought the blonde and piercing would change that.”

“You’ll never not be cute. Everything cute about you I’ll l-adore.”

“You were going to say something else.”

“I wasn’t.” You denied.

“Oh my god,” he gripped tighter around, enough to almost suffocate you, “you love me.”

You flailed in his grip. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, you so love me,” He sang.

“Shut up, I don’t,” You rolled your eyes, “but I do end up loving someone, it wouldn’t be so bad if it was with you first.”

“Is that a promise to one day love me? To have and to hold?” He teases, secretly hopefully.

“Let’s say it’s wishful thinking. All Lee Chans in needs love too.”

“What does that mean?”

“Oh, someone will make sense of it.”

[animeomegas]

For Neji x alpha x itatchi...

You just gotta hope and pray that alpha can help meditate things when it comes to pups

Calm one down. Talk to the other to explain everything

And for sex like, Neji may not want to take a dominant role but it doesn't mean he can't like sit behind Itatchi with his head in his lap like idk comforting person?

Like alphas fucking Itatchi real food and Neji is just sitting there talking sweet to him, not dominant but submissive, kinda like a healthy middle?

But for Neji and his role play? He can be like me, start small and maybe try different things when he gets more confident and more comfortable, he could probably do it eventually, slow and steady with people who love and care for him.

Does make me wonder... In this AU, how would Neji's first heat go? Or just one of the early heats. Would Itatchi build him a nest full of all their things? Maybe do what I said earlier but in reverse? Him comforting Neji while the alpha jerks him off/eats him out? Maybe take the alphas place when they get tired?

Sorry that this is so long but it interests me so much 😭

Pfft, poor alpha with the pup mediation XD This is still where I think these two would struggle the most.

I guess the one thing I thought of is, if Itachi has pups straight away, which he wants, then Neji is too young for his own (in his opinion) and doesn't know about his infertility, so he'd probably take more cues from Itachi with pup rearing.

Maybe just maybe, this means Neji chills out a little when he has his own or Itachi has his second, because he's already seen a pup be successfully raised without 100% organic food lol.

Neji will need to chill out, because if he doesn't, him and Itachi won't get along. Itachi doesn't appreciate digs at his parenting style, and Neji... is petty.

...

I do really agree with you on Neji comforting Itachi though, I think that's sweet. When Itachi does go into subspace, Neji can stroke his hair and whisper naughty things. I like that!

Idk about the other way around though, because I think Itachi is one of those people that is deeply uncomfortable with roleplaying. He just... can't be anyone but himself because it makes him want to curl up into a ball and die lol.

...

As far as Neji's first heat... interesting.

Itachi isn't that good at building nests either, but he's better than Neji which is good, I guess. It becomes an awkward team effort between three people that aren't great at nests, but it gets done XD

I think Itachi would mother hen Neji when he's going through those first intensive painful heats. Alpha is on sex duty. Itachi is on cleaning, cooking, feeding, bathing and comforting duty.

He preps meals, helps hold Neji's head up when he needs to drink, wipes him down when he's sweating, constantly does laundry. I think Itachi has a nice comforting scent too. Neji's is the more mainstream attractive scent, but I think he likes Itachi's scent because it just smells... calm.

But if alpha was asleep and Neji was begging for some relief... Itachi would provide.

Can you imagine waking up and seeing Itachi eating out Neji right beside you?? I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven lmao.

And don't apologise for the length!! I'm loving this AU. Figuring out how it might work is so much fun!!! <3

[biblicallyaccuratechicken]

@toytanks I had to ok

Have a list of every MCR song (that I've heard of) and how it relates to Billford, which I definitely do not ship and if you've ever seen any proof to the contrary noo you didn't

I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love

(fuckk even the album name is Billford-coded)

Romance -- no lyrics, but I do think that the fact that they only played the part in minor and not the major one does feel like Billford

Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us -- post-betrayal Billford. There are two distinct parts to this song; the one that comes first is Bill, and the other is Ford.

Vampires Will Never Hurt You -- honestly this kinda feels like the opposite of Billford to me, it's more like Ford x Jheselbraum.

Drowning Lessons -- One Of Us AU? It still doesn't feel quite right to me though

Our Lady of Sorrows -- it definitely feels like Billford, particularly from Bill's perspective, but some of the lyrics make me think more of Fiddauthor (kill me right now)

Headfirst For Halos -- it feels like Bill starting to catch feelings for Ford and partying trying to forget but still gushing about him lmao

Skylines and Turnstiles -- it just kinda feels like Billford, I can't explain it.

Early Sunsets Over Monroeville -- to me it kinda feels like around the time Ford found out about the betrayal. Like, the narrative of being really close and sharing happy memories and dreams, and then suddenly your lover is a monster you have to destroy

This Is The Best Day Ever -- perhaps, if Ford was a shape like Bill, and Bill destroyed his dimension for Ford's sake.

Cubicles -- lmao I can see Bill sulking about Ford to this song

Demolition Lovers -- this song was definitely on the soundtrack of the most toxic relationship I've ever been in, so I know for a FACT that this is 100% a Billford song.

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge

Helena -- I could see this being from Ford's point of view, during Wierdmageddon. Some of it feels like One Of Us AU.

Give 'Em Hell, Kid -- on the other hand, this one is definitely Bill during Ford's exile

To The End -- the level of toxicity is definitely there, but since it's a pretty clear narrative, I'll call it vibes-only-Billford

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison -- it is, again, mostly vibes-only, but I can also see post-betrayal Ford feeling this way if they happened to hook up during that time

I'm Not Okay (I Promise) -- I really don't think this fits them at all, but the one clip of Frankie going "you have something on your face" and then violently taking a fallen eyelash from the cheerleader's face before absolutely booking it is something I could see happening between them and it cracks me up

The Ghost of You -- this feels like either post-betrayal Bill or if they became a couple and Ford died of old age

The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You -- This is just Billford. I. What do you want from me.

Interlude -- not really Billford. I'll say it. Yeah, it's melancholy, but again it feels more like Ford x Jheselbraum or Fiddauthor.

Thank You For The Venom -- Billford, either perspective. It feels very reminiscent of the exile era (or even during Weirdmageddon?)

Hang 'Em High -- This also feels very much like Billford. Not sure when I'd place it to, but the vibes are there, especially One of Us AU imo.

It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish -- Billford. That's it that's the commentary.

Cemetery Drive -- definitely post-betrayal Billford, particularly Ford's perspective ("Is this what you always want me for?" I'm going FERAL)

I Never Told You What I Do For A Living -- Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. You Cannot Change My Mind It Is Imbued With His Essence And The One He Is Singing To And About Is Fordsy.

Welcome To The Black Parade

The End. -- nothing obviously Billford sticks out to me, but some of the lyrics could be applied to either of their perspectives, precisely because it's so neutral

Dead! -- post-season 2 Ford about Bill (though the last lyrics are definitely something Bill would vibe with)

This Is How I Disappear -- post-betrayal, pre-season 2 Billford. Could also fit pre-betrayal, but not as much due to its “laughing at a bad thing to hide the pain I lie awake over” vibes

The Sharpest Lives -- Bill. 100%. Maybe Ford during exile. Idk I know he made some decisions he regretted later back then.

Welcome To The Black Parade -- Ford post-season 2, maybe? It doesn't scream it to me, but it could be made to fit ("your weary widow marches on etc etc)

I Don't Love You -- post-betrayal, from Bill's perspective

House of Wolves -- it's just Billford. Idk what you want me to say.

Cancer -- if Bill reincarnated as a human and couldn't be with Ford

Mama -- this one fits Bill as a character really well, as well as One Of Us AU Billford

Sleep -- post-betrayal Billford

Teenagers -- yeah I don't really see it. Some of the lyrics do have that paranoid feeling Ford has pre-exile though

Disenchanted -- definitely feels like Billford from Bill's perspective. Some of the lyrics also feel like Bill reflecting on his life as he's dying, and the bridge in particular feels like post-exile Bill

Famous Last Words -- So. Much. Billford. I can't speak.

Blood -- doesn't really strike me as Billford. I do see elements of the two of them separately though

The Black Parade: The B-Sides

My Way Home Is Through You -- heavy Billford vibes, though some of the lyrics also make me think of Ford x Jheselbraum. That's neither here nor there though, as this is a Billford-driven list of reviews.

Kill All Your Friends -- Billford. It feels like both of their perspectives, but some of the verses feel like Weirdmageddon-era Bill.

Heaven Help Us --definitely a Billford song. Again, it could be from either of their perspectives, but I'm feelin a lot of Bill from a few of the lyrics. Ford has his moments in the sun too, though

Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys

(listen a lot of these are about love so ofc they're gonna be Billford that's just how my idealistic brain works ok I mean who said that I don't ship Billford hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha)

I am counting Look Alive Sunshine as part of Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) because it's true ok -- it kinda feels like the two of them coping with their separation during the exile era and it cracks me up to hell and back

Bulletproof Heart -- Bill trying to convince Ford to join him during Weirdmageddon and it's working

SING -- this is definitely how Bill sees himself. In a Billford context, I can see this also as him trying to convince Ford

Planetary (Go!) -- wow, our first 100% pre-betrayal Billford song! It tastes like candy and battery acid and stardust

The Only Hope For Me Is You -- this could easily apply, with its galactic imagery and love-song-esque feeling. I could see this being Ford, having been by Bill's side after Weirdamageddon for many years, telling him "This isn't the answer, we only need each other"

Party Poison -- HHHHHHHHH it feels like Billford in that it feels like the two of them interacting. Lyrically, it mostly makes me think of Ford during Weirdmageddon trying to stop the party, but MCR are musical geniuses so it also feels like the party itself. This one turned me into a little geek ngl it's one of their songs that gets the biggest primal reaction out of me.

Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back -- gonna be honest, this one, more than anything else, reminded me of Dipper and Wendy's time together during Weirdmageddon. It does feel very much like Bill though in the sense that it bleeds anarchy and lasers

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W -- again, this was part of the soundtrack of my toxic relationship, so I really want it to be Billford but if I'm being honest it's just hard to see.

Summertime -- This does feel like Billford, in a more fluffy way than any of the others. "Terrified of what I'd be [...] Could you stop the noise" feels a lot like Ford as he met Bill. Really, this whole song is more Ford-sung than Bill, but I could also see most of the lyrics being sung by Bill (it just depends on his back story, which as of now we can only speculate)

DESTROYA -- I definitely would put this on a Billford playlist, but imo this is another vibes-only one. Like, the denial of God and the "we're in this together" and stuff is there, but lyrically it just doesn't quiiite hit the mark for me

The Kids From Yesterday -- much like Planetary (Go!), this one feels like pre-betrayal, stardust and citric acid, Billford

Vampire Money -- this seems like Bill's initial ideal of how Billford would turn out lol. Also, Bill partying and pretending he's okay without Ford during the exile. Also, Ford partying and pretending he's okay without Bill during the exile. Also, Ford being mad at Bill during the exile. Also-

We Don't Need Another Song About California -- this does feel like Ford talking to Bill, and it also has Billford vibes

(i know there are others but i haven't heard them that often so i wouldn't be a good judge so! moving on...)

Conventional Weapons

(I hope to God these are all Billford cause they're some of my favorites)

Boy Division -- I can very easily see this as Billford, and like Bill is bein dramatic to Ford about what happened at Weirdmageddon cause you know he's not letting that little "murder" go even though it was incredibly justified and Ford has way more reason to be mad but he's just patiently sitting through it and waiting for Bill to let him talk

Tomorrow's Money -- despite the actual point of this song, it also feels like Bill talking to Ford post-season 2 at some points

AMBULANCE -- oh this is very Billford. Yessiree, this is the good shit, especially One Of Us AU

Gun. -- This is definitely from Ford's perspective. What are you obsessing over a gun for? To kill this dream demon? Why are you so worried about having a son? Hm? So in other words, you're obsessing over this dream demon and sad you can't have a family with him? Is that it? Pretty gay tbh

The World Is Ugly -- This is an us-vs-them love song. This was made for them.

The Light Behind Your Eyes -- Bill sad about losing/leaving Ford cause he's just one more in a string of people dear to him but especially Ford because it's been so long since someone was that close and he wishes now that he could've done things differently but alas

Kiss the Ring -- I'm sorry, it's mostly just Weirdamageddon-era Bill. Some of it is like Ford replying to him, but otherwise there's not really all that much Billford in it

Make Room!!!! -- yeah again, it's mostly just Weirdmageddon Bill, though in this one he is doing a lot of ogling Ford I think

Surrender The Night -- oh Billford 100%. Dreams, secrets, surrender, everything. It's just Them, and you can't change my mind

Burn Bright -- this feels like the idealized version of Billford we you all have in our your heads, y'know? Like, we you want them to go on these adventures together and be steamy about it a good amount of the time, and that's what this is. This is them being anarchist murder hoboes together and I love that for them <3 and that's that ig

[obsidiancreates]

Some thoughts/criticisms of Battle of the Five Armies because I'm back on my Hobbit Movies bullshit

Should've put more screen time (and by "more" I mean "any at all") into Thorin's descent into the Gold Madness/Dragon Sickness. A lot of BotFA feels, to me, a bit... meandering. Like they needed to hit a certain length but weren't fully sure how to fill it (and I think that also shows in how it's the shortest of all 3 movies, at least Extended Edition-wise). We go right from "They all watched Smaug die," to "He's been down there for days and he's as Gold-Mad as Thror." We needed more connective tissue between those scenes- even just a scene of Bilbo noticing Thorin is refusing food, maybe trying to convince him to eat ("Thorin, take your share." "I've no need of it." "You can't live on gold alone, you know, heh, ahem." "We shall see, Master Baggins.") or something like that.

I get why Smaug died in the first twenty minutes. I do! There's both story reasons as well as behind-the-scenes logistical reasons (can y'all imagine what these movies would've been like if they'd had Reasonable Deadlines, less studio pressure, and more ethical cast and crew treatment? It would've fixed any of the CGI issues, they could've cleaned up some of the odd pacing and editing moments, none of those awful "QUICK QUICK QUICK WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME!" moments in the Appendices would've existed... Fuck Warner Bros, man. Peter Jackson obviously had a lot to do with a lot of the unethical overtime and expectations and wasted time/effort, but like Warner Bros also contributed to this Massively). Anyway, I get why Smaug died so early into the movie. But god, I wish he hadn't. Now I haven't read the novel to it's end in about 13 years give or take- I keep picking it up, getting a good ways in, forgetting to continue, and then picking it up and starting over at the beginning- but I remember Smaug's death being a very Little Thing in the book, since it was Third-Person limited (mostly) and Bilbo wasn't in Laketown. I know that this wasn't a moment of Inaccuracy (though honestly I don't mind most of the inaccuracies but that's for another post some other time) but it was a moment of Deeply Unsatisfying Payoff. Again, I understand why! It's kinda unsatisfying in the novel too- frankly, a lot of the ending stuff in The Hobbit is, but you didn't hear that from me, got it? I'm not sure, exactly, what I wish was different about it. Killing Smaug at the end of Desolation wasn't really a viable or satisfying option either, and focusing more on Laketown would've gotten tedious and repetitive- only so much Burning and Screaming can be made into Watchable Cinema at one time. I think perhaps a larger focus on Gandalf and his experiences with Sauron could've worked here- especially if Sauron is somehow Aware of Laketown falling and uses this to mock and torment Gandalf, speaking of how the quest of the dwarves has truly failed and Middle-Earth is soon to fall the same way- but again, I understand why they didn't do that, that's just a lot of Ian McKellen sitting in a birdcage getting Taunted by an Eyeball. So I don't know what I would've had them change, and I think a not insignificant amount of this Dissatisfaction is unavoidable given the glossed-over nature of the very same plot point in the book. But it's still saddening, especially since they nailed Smaug so well and he's such a fun villain to watch on screen. Azog... a good deal less so.

Bro we couldn't have had one line where they were like "OH GOD FILI KILI BOFUR AND OIN ARE STILL DOWN THERE!" when they were watching Laketown burn? One show that someone remembered FOUR OF THEIR PARTY IS STILL THERE?!

Some of the line deliveries in this movie were an... interesting, choice, to make into the final cut. I'll chalk it up to Those Damn Studio Deadlines, though.

I know I already talked about this but SERIOUSLY WHERE WAS THE CONNECTIVE TISSUE OF THORIN'S MADNESS, IT AIN'T EVEN IN THE EXTENDED THE EXTENDED IS MOSTLY THE ACTUAL BATTLE (plus the Best Scene In The Movie where Balin alludes to Bilbo to keep the Arkenstone hidden forever, which it's a crime that was left out of the theatrical by the way).

Yeah okay the Kili and Tauriel parting at the shore was kind cliched and acted weird. Again I'll chalk it up to The Deadlines.

If we could've have had the Connective Tissue scene(s), I wish the reunion with Bofur, Oin, Fili, and Kili had been a proper scene and not just a quick cutaway. It would've been a great opportunity to catch them and the audience up on Thorin's condition and how he got to that state, as well as establish how The Company In General feels about it earlier into the movie.

Again, I know why they didn't... but even a hint that the Madness was taking the other Dwarves at least a little bit would've been nice. I truly feel that, by the time of The Ramparts, the party was at a point where at least 1 or 2 of them would've decided to go with Bilbo, and a hint that they're all slightly under the spell of the gold in the way Thorin is would've really made their decision to all 12 of them stay behind make more sense. Yes, Thorin is their king and their leader and their friend and Dwarves are known to be very loyal- but Bilbo has stood in as a leader, rescuer, and friend often enough that I think one or two of the party, in their own fully right minds, would've chosen to go with him, especially after witnessing such a horrific display from Thorin.

The pacing of the movie in general Needs Some Help, that can't go unsaid- but again, Those Damn Deadlines. The amount of palpable stress from the crew in the Appendices is genuinely stressful and heart-wrenching, and I blame the majority of my issues with this movie- and the other two- on Warner Bros being completely unreasonable with their time expectations. Especially since they pushed this 2-movie project into being 3 movies, like Fuck off, Warner Bros.

GOD I WISH MORE OF THE RING STUFF HAD CARRIED OVER FROM DESOLATION. Like again I get why it didn't, this movie kind of takes some of the focus off Bilbo and uses that extra attention on Thorin and Bard and Legolas, which I enjoy. But still, The Ring Moments in Desolation were so good, and the effect The Ring had on Bilbo in Desolation is not unlike the effect the gold has on Thorin- but Bilbo is better at fighting it. It would've been nice to see something done with that, especially as Thorin was falling to madness and Bilbo maybe recognized some of the signs from his own experiences like the one in Mirkwood. But also THE RING STUFF WAS SO COOOOOOLLLLLLLLL I WANT MORE OF ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

My reactions as I watch 16.9 (I know I'm gonna hate this but here we go)

Also: I realized right before the start of this episode that I get to cross "Penelope calls Luke a nickname" off my Garvez bingo card because of "my liege," so you know what? A win is a win.

One minute in and I'm already on the verge of tears because of Krystall. But at least I'm also crossing "flashback to the missing time between seasons" off my bingo card!

Emily you have no right to look that gorgeous in this sad of a scene

Scratch that I'm not on the verge of tears, I'm actually crying. "I couldn't watch them put the coffin in the ground" GODDAMMIT

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" IT IS TOO FUCKING EARLY IN THE MORNING TO BE CRYING THIS HARD

Have we... ever seen Rossi cry before? Like, I know he was sad when Carolyn died, but did he cry? Because how hard he's crying right now is tearing my heart to absolute shreds.

"His name is agent David Rossi" Elias: FUCK that's not good

How tf is he gonna spin that Rossi is dangerous????

Tara you look stunning and I adore you

OH FUCK VOIT IS RIGHT THERE

Oh god another flashback... am I ready for this?

May 2022... and an Al-Anon meeting? Who????

Oh my god, this is how Tara and Rebecca met? And they have almost identical backstories, that's really heartbreaking.

"I have to work on myself first." Did you do that, Rebecca? How well did it work for you?

Tara and Rebecca's first-ever interaction was kind of adorable ngl

Tara, babes, did YOU of all people automatically assume her ex was a man? You, a pansexual? Who has canonically dated men and women in the past?

Rebecca standing up for the BAU??? I love to see it

Bless you, Emily, for giving Tara and Rebecca the time to talk alone

Rebecca's moving to Sacramento and I'm crying again because I just want Tara to be happy. (Tara please go cry to Luke so I can get some Platonic TarVez moments and then go make out with Emily, please I beg)

"Goodbye, darling." OUCH. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT WAS BRUTAL.

I'm actually really liking this episode so far, I'm sure that won't last though.

Sicarius saying "I've read every single one of your books" is probably going to mess with Rossi for a bit, especially since we know because of the original series that Gideon warned him something like this could happen, that Rossi was essentially writing manuals on how to get away with it.

The way he mentioned acid, which is the stuff in the last kill kit. I wonder if Sicarius is intentionally giving things away or if he doesn't know how much they know

Okay the fact that Sicarius is sometimes pulling inspiration directly from Rossi's books is going to haunt him

"Every time you write one of these books you have to be careful how much detail you include, because if you're not careful... you're giving a wannabe killer rules for killing." DID I NOT JUST SAY

"I'd almost feel sorry for that poor son of a bitch. Almost." Unpopular opinion: I love David Rossi

Sicarius mentioning Rossi's wives is gonna fuck with him

I wanna know what it is that Elias gave Rossi to "prove" he's not Sicarius

Every time Luke and Penelope are together in a frame, even if it's just for 2 seconds, I hold on to it because I need Garvez crumbs in my life

Penelope why did you LOOK OVER AT LUKE when JJ mentioned Tyler Green??????

GARCIA I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU BRING GREEN INTO THIS WHILE YOU ARE STANDING RIGHT BESIDE THE MAN WHO'S BEEN IN LOVE WITH FOR SEVEN YEARS I'M GONNA SCREAM

GODDAMMIT

The fact that Will brought in Tyler Green has me imagining that phone call from JJ, and even though JJ doesn't know everything, it's kinda funny with the context. Kinda.

I am really dreading this scene though.

Ngl that "Alvez and I" both broke my heart (bc she's not calling him "Luke") and made it soar (bc I'm taking CRUMBS)

Well, FUCK. Either Tyler Green can't identify him... or Sicarius has something on him to prevent him from identifying him. Maybe the rest of his family, like Alison's kid... or maybe Garcia? (I really want Green to be a bad dude)

The looks Luke just gave between Garcia and Green... I'm sure he's figuring it out.

Wow, Luke actually getting more than a line at once? I didn't realize the CME writers knew how to do that past the first two episodes (/s)

This little showdown between Luke and Green... I'm kind of here for it

Nooooooooooooooo Garcia do not talk to him alone, I don't want to see this!

Okay, Luke totally knows. The hatred/anger/jealousy is RADIATING off him when he looks at Green. Even when he looked at Garcia as he left. God, I hate this. If the last flashback does actually end up being the Garvez date... I'm gonna cry

"Luke is blunt, but he's not off-target" YES!!! DEFEND YOUR MAN!!!

TYLER GREEN LET GO OF HER HAND I DO NOT WANT YOU HERE

My heart is POUNDING right now, I'm so worried

Okay, I will admit, Elias is spinning a really convincing story

OH GOD DID GARCIA SEND ROSSI A VOICE MEMO MEANT FOR GREEN????

oh god oh god oh god

wait. wait wait. what if Garcia sent that message to Green, who then either made it into a phishing link and sent it to Rossi or he forwarded it to Elias who did that.

TYLER EVIL CANON?????

TYLER GREEN WHAT IN THE EVER-LOVING FUCK ARE YOU DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Wait a goddamn minute... a Tyler flashback?

Tyler Green, what in the actual goddamn hell are you doing?

Oh god, with everything that Elias told his wife, when she sees Rossi in the grocery store aisle, she's gonna freak out

Going back for the alcohol 😂 valid

Rossi I know what you're trying to do, but laying out Sydney's entire life for her is NOT going to make her trust you, it's just going to make her wary of you

HE DID NOT JUST TELL HER SHE'S THE REASON ELIAS IS A SUCCESSFUL KILLER, ROSSI MY DUDE THAT IS FUCKED UP

Oh god are we about to have Luke confront Garcia about seeing Tyler Green? My heart isn't ready. (wait fuck I just remembered that in one of the Garvez ads of social media the caption was "our hearts aren't ready." IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT???) My heart is POUNDING

"Yikes, you mean it, mean it." LUKE STOP BEING ADORABLE WHEN I KNOW MY HEART IS ABOUT TO BREAK AND SO IS YOURS

Oh god if Luke didn't know before then he definitely knows now. I'm actually shaking.

"We need to talk, you and me." Hanging on to Garvez crumbs even though I know I will be sobbing in the next five minutes

JEALOUS LUKE CANON??? FINALLY???

"Come on, him?" jealous Luke canon and my heart is breaking

"He is marvelous in bed" DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT TO LUKE??? TO LUKE???

Luke trying desperately not to imagine her in bed

"And I need a friend and you're the only one" YEAH AND HE'S ALSO KIND OF YOUR EX, BABES

"Sounds like I'm the last one." OUCH. OUCH. OUCH.

"I just gotta say one thing, all right?" oh god it's gonna be something about them and I'm not okay

"You sure know how to pick 'em." Okay, not what I expected

GARCIA YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

That scene was ATROCIOUS. But at the same time... weirdly cathartic? I mean it has effectively ruined any hopes I have of Garvez happening, if there were any remaining at all, but at least now I have closure? Sort of?

"Well maybe I am devolving. My career is over, what the hell have I got to lose?" ROSSI WHAT?????? HUH????

Okay, as much as this episode is killing me a bit, I do actually really like it. Like... it's probably the best writing they can do with the shit storylines they've been set up with

Rossi, HOW could you have thought that this was a good idea?

Ooh, and Elias flashback! This is gonna be interesting.

We still have yet to see the third team member flashback, and I'm almost certain it is in fact going to be the Garvez date and I am not ready, but at least I'll have correctly guessed who the three were.

I have to do a separate block of text now, i've written so many notes😂

Look, I know people aren't the biggest fans of Rossi and were kind of upset that we were getting a Rossi-centric episode, but I do not mind. Yes, I'd like a focus on other characters (Luke and Tara) but I still like Rossi.

Okay, so is Tyler Green evil, or is he just hunting down Sicarius to kill him himself? Because if he is evil... I kinda wanna see what happens to Garcia. Who she turns to. Because right now Luke is the only one who really knows everything, and he understandably does not seem like he's in a very comforting mood

Garcia's about to play the message for the entire team and then they're all going to know but it might reveal if Green is actually bad or not. This is giving me flashbacks though to when Scratch cloned Garcia's phone to lure Morgan out.

Lol watch Emily have to suspend Garcia and then the old character who comes back is KEVIN 😂😂😂

EMILY KNOWSSSSSSSSSS

EVERYBODY KNOWSSSSSSSSSSS

(Please give me a Platonic TarVez scene of Tara comforting Luke PLEASE i beg)

Are we about to get our Missing Character Cameo or is it just going to be Will?

"I have to take a leak" "Too bad" did I laugh out loud at this

Elias roasting Rossi about being old is SENDING ME 😂😂😂

Tyler Green what are you doinggggg

Okay so Will and JJ in the field together, I kind of love, but the fact then that since they're obviously sitting beside each other because they're literally married means that GARVEZ Garcia and Luke are sitting beside each other... the tension in that jet must be palpable

TYLER GREEN EVIL CANON???? FR???

Okay so no, I was right, Green is just trying to get to Voit first.

"He looked me right in my face and he lied to me." Garcia, absolutely no one feels bad for you right now.

"Which is what I get for falling for someone with an avoidant attachment style" GIRL YOU'VE KNOWN HIM FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS AND YOU'RE ALREADY SAYING YOU'VE FALLEN FOR HIM???

At least if Garvez is over then Greencia seems to be pretty over too

Luke comforting her anyway... god he really is still in love with her, huh? I mean, this is now how I thought I'd get to cross "she's crying and he comforts her" off my bingo card, but I'll take it

Okay I keep bouncing back and forth on if Green is a bad guy or not

DID ROSSI JUST SPIT IN SICARIUS'S FACE??????????

TYLER GREEN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

GREEN JUST GOT SHOT GODDAMN

Well Greencia's DEFINITELY over now

IT'S THE GARVEZ DATE FLASHBACK AM I READY I THINK THE FUCK NOT

Although this does allow me to cross off "flashback to the Garvez date" off my CME bingo card and "details about their date" off my Garvez bingo card, both things I thought would never happen

Why is it so awkward 😭

Luke is so dressed up I love him

ohh fuck I knew it was Covid that messed them up. Hey, Luke word of advice, don't talk about weird viruses on a first date

"It's not like the world's gonna shut down." well that aged poorly

I hate this I actually hate this why is this so weird

Luke ordering two more glasses of wine for himself I don't whether to laugh or cry. Probably both.

"It felt so good when you asked me out but I'm finding this to be very clunky" @snailsandpuppy-dogtails HOW IN GOD'S FUCKING NAME DID YOU PREDICT THIS ALMOST ENTIRELY IN YOUR TARVEZ BEER FIC

"What were we thinking?" YOU WERE THINKING THAT YOU'RE IN LOVE AND HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS, GODDAMMIT

"Can I share my truth with you?" "When have you ever not" I'M SORRY THAT'S ADORABLE

"I find it very hard to have a conversation with you when I am not dunking on you" that is a LIE. That is a LIE. I have RECEIPTS.

"With us, there absolutely is something there but not that." LIES. LIES. ALL OF IT.

This is making me so upset because there is not an actual world where they would not work out, this is absolute bullshit

"I know that your person is out there" YEAH AND IT'S YOU STFU

"I know that my person is out there" YEAH AND IT'S HIM STFU

"Where?" He desperately wants this to work out and my heart is breaking

"To finding the right person" NO. YOU FOUND THEM. YOU FOUND EACH OTHER. FIRST DATES ARE AWKWARD. IT HAPPENS. WHY WOULD YOU LET THAT STOP FOUR YEARS OF PINING OVER HER????

Why would they show us that scene out of nowhere? Like, Luke and Garcia weren't present before it started and now we're back in the field, it doesn't make a lot of sense.

I know my Garvez hopes should be crushed... but I can't help but think/hope that maybe this is setting up for them to try again

The audacity this episode has to be the most and least Garvez-y

Luke still looking out for Garcia and Green now... and him calling Green "Lieutenant..." the world does not deserve this man

Noooooooooooooo I thought Greencia was over but she's talking about having a future with him 😭😭😭

REBECCA HOLDING TARA'S HAND 😭😭😭

And now they know Rossi's been kidnapped

Overall thoughts? Not bad. I mean I hate how awkward the Garvez date was, and I don't like Greencia, but overall... this wasn't really that bad of an episode.

[whenthechickencry]

BERNKASTEL's Letter

The immediate thing that stands out here is who the letter is meant for, when you think of Bern's beloved friend the only person I can think of would be Lambda but... that's the one person it can't be due to the content of the letters. I don't think she would describe Featherine as her friend, either...

....but the description here makes it hard to think of it as anyone BUT Featherine. Also talking about Beatrice as if she is stronger than them is interesting, too, since later parts of the story make it obvious the voyager witches are on a higher level than her, but this was released with ep3 so, so both the audience's and Bern's knowledge is limited.

Bernkastel identifies rule X, which in Higurashi was Himamizawa Syndrome, obviously, that isn't in Umineko but I think we can take that to mean Bernkastel realized the rotating cast of accomplices in each tale.

Rule Y in Higurashi was Takano/Tomitake's death, but in this case, I think it can mean that everyone dies at the end ie the bomb, the fact that she mentions that Lambdadelta touched it but didn't reach it, it is probably referring to Emergency Manual 34. Emergency Manual left a bunch of people who did know the answer while the bomb leaves none, so you can certainly say that it is stronger than it.

Bernkastel has no fucking clue what Rule Z is, though, which certainly puts a hamper on this approach to solving Umineko haha.

The maze having an indefinite, ever-changing shape is a good description of the catbox, though, so I guess she got that the goal she wanted to be reached is a lot fuzzier than the goal Takano had for Higurashi.

Bern has understood that Beatrice is only a witch because of the catbox, though. Bernkastel's feelings on Featherine are a lot more mixed than she would admit to her face, it seems.

This letter gives a pretty strong hint about the roulette accomplices and some early hints at the bomb, as well as set up for future characters... weird that it is locked to post-game in this version though. Also makes it a bit more clear how much Bernkastel knew at the time, it's a little hard to gauge in just the episodes how much the witches know.

The above poem is some interesting early theming that I think can help hint at Battler's promise, especially if coupled with Shannon's words later.

This poem feels kinda Erika coded, haha.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y'know I really do feel sorry for the younger 20 somethings (and anyone in general tbh) that are suffering from tiktok brain rot around "anti-aging" advice. like the other day, I had a review/reaction video from I think james walsh the beauty influencer in my fb watch feed, where he was reviewing/debunking the bs anti-aging advice that people give on tiktok.

one of the videos he reacted to was from some 21yo beauty influencer or some rando idk, I'm not on there. her piece of advice was to "always sleep on your back like a vampire to reduce fine lines, wrinkles and crows feet. that's how I stay looking so fresh... even though yes I'm 21 which contributes quite a bit but still. be disciplined about sleeping on your back ALL NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT to get the PERFECT SKIN!!!" like im sorry, what???? you're 20 fucking one (21). why the FUCK do you feel compelled to give "anti-aging" advice??? why the fuck do you even care about anti-aging stuff when you're like at least 10 YEARS away from any considerable signs of aging beginning to slowly show??? get the fuck out of the house and enjoy nature or some shit. instead of lamenting that you're "getting so old by the minute so I MUST ELIMINATE laugh lines and crows feet even though im still only 21."

"but but. it's in the name of self care." I can hear some people say. "but but. it shows that as a woman you take high self-care maintenance of yourself if you begin EARLY with seeking out remedies for and eliminating the signs of aging" other people are saying. and finally: "but but. look at zendaya (or some other young 20 something movie star or TT influencer like idek mikayla nougeira). she's promoting revlon anti-aging serums! it can't be that bad!!!"

I raise to people with the first response that: no. having some 21yo condescend to you that you MUST fight to stay younger and sleep uncomfortably on your back stiffly like a vampire is NOT self care. starting to "fight" the signs of aging is NOT being a high maintenance woman in your early 20s. it's just being fucking insanely obsessed with youth..... when like... you're still young as fuck. like yes I made jokes about feeling ancient and old and w/e when i was 21.... but that doesnt mean that i became weirdly focused on trying to eliminate any crows feet and laugh lines....... that weren't even fucking on my face yet!!!!!! or cellulite that's on my legs.

moreover, for zendaya or other beauty influencers that may promote anti-aging products. they get paid either 10s of thousands of dollars or hundreds of thousands or maybe even up to possibly millions of dollars for promoting some bs estee lauder/revlon etc etc anti-age defying gravity super plumping and hydrating hyaluronic acid and idek retonoid vitamins C and E serum fuck shit.... against you, a random 21yo from god knows where in the US (usually).... like idek calabasis or houston or whatever the fuck with fuck knows how many low count followers (im assuming but probs not idek and idc)....

the people who I'll listen to about aging are people who have actually lived a life. like jamie lee curtis. like sandra oh. like leslie jones. like viola davis. idek just people who have ACTUALLY lived a life and are happy with aging, i guess (even if yes, they're famous and kinda unrelateable anyway). not some fucking stuck up rude asf early 20 something whose watched 3 fucking antiaging brain rot videos on tiktok and NOW thinks that they're the utmost expert on anti-aging hacks. and this is coming from someone whose nearly 30. fucking embrace getting older in your 20s. cherish it and use it wisely.

I say this as someone who, in 2020 at 25, nearly fucking died twice after a massive surgery. why the fuck should I give a fuck about crows feet???? laugh lines (ie lines of fucking J O Y)???? my cellulite??? when I'm 28 this year??? (*cue these TT brain rot girlies* EEEEWWWWW OLD HAG WHO DOESNT DO GOOD HIGH MAINTENANCE SELF CARE TO FIGHT THE SIGNS OF AGING EEEEWWWW!!!!!) I'm finally healthy again.... but realisitcally, YOU ARE the one that needs to look in the mirror and realise that being young and looking young ain't that crash hot, really. wise the fuck up and delete tiktok and escape anti-aging brain rot.... when you're still a kid (in a sense) stumbling about in your early 20s... stop giving a fuck about useless shit you can't avoid.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Yaknow what? Here's a funky question; how would you ocs be if they weren't chosen?

Not that they wouldn't be protags or have legends (unless that's what you want to do lol) but just like normal pokemon world

Ooooooooh that's a good one.

Jin - probably still goes through their arc growing up, though no longer has this chip on their shoulders when it comes to being Chosen. Don't get me wrong, their relationship to Rayquaza is still pretty complicated, but given that there's no true bind, it's kinda easier for them to simply ignore it.

Kohaku - she's definitely the one of the few that took being Chosen well, so her not being Chosen wouldn't really change her outlook on life really.

Kenji - On one end, being Chosen made him feel like he really had to exceed imaginary expectations, something he was already struggling with. So not being Chosen would kinda relieve him of some stress in that sense. On the other end, being Chosen kinda gave Kenji a comfort that not anyone could give him. Someone to talk to when he felt like he shouldn't with his friends. Without Ho-Oh having that bond of a Chosen and Legendary, things feel more hollow. Yes, Ho-Oh is still there and still tries to comfort Kenji, but it's not completely the same, you know?

Aiko - Hmmmm. Aiko is still someone I'm reworking a bit, so it's hard to say. Maybe she just. Doesn't get the courage to stick it to Silver. Heck, maybe Silver ends up being the one that goes after Lugia instead of her. Aiko's personality isn't based on Lugia of course, but not being the trainer with a "soul like silver" might come to play here. Though all of that is just a guess, I really need to figure Aiko out lol.

Danica - Her eeriness is almost always the same, but her childhood is much more lonely I think. I'm going with the idea of Danica not being Chosen = Giratina never coming to her as her "imaginary friend". Of course, she had Barry, but I imagine Danica is more distant than she already is in canon.

Kiran- Not a Chosen lol. I think his powers would stay the same bc Sakura isn't a Chosen either. Whoops!

Alexis- Woooooooooh boy. BW would still be the same I think. But there's no. Sense of someone looking down at Alexis all the time. Like something is calling to him and he just can't figure out what. His journey is still a nuzlocke. It still sucks. He still runs away with Zekrom. After he returns, Zekrom would.... honestly just leave him given the path he was going. The main reason Zekrom stayed when he was a Chosen was bc 1) they had faith that Alexis would snap out of his awful funk and take care of himself and 2) Alexis was their Chosen. And while legendaries can Choose and Unchoose as they please, they can't help but just want Alexis to be The One. Zekrom is very optimistic in my au, if not a bit naive. Though without Alexis being Chosen, I think Zekrom is more inclined to listen to Reshiram and just leave ( or at least go back into it's ball form). Which. It wouldn't do great got Alexis mentally I think. Not great at all.

Elliot - Another hard one. She was passed down the Chosen title by N in this au. So honestly it's the same thing but she just doesn't get Chosen.

Eva - Another odd case for a Chosen. Kyurem knew it couldn't really. Survive with some sj ort of protection. So it Chose Eva. If Eva was never Chosen, she wouldn't have such complicated feelings towards the cold. Well. That's a lie. What happened in Opelucid City scarred her, but not being the Chosen of Kyurem would not have her in such a panic at the time.

Wayne - Maaaaan, Wayne not being the Chosen of Keldeo kinda implies that he hadn't fully found himself. I still think he grew as a character, and still catches Keldeo, but. Yeah, it's not the same.

Jude - I was going to say Jude fucking dies, but that seems to extreme lol. Jude has been repressing her aura for years, and while Lucario and Sylveon are skilled enough to help him manage it in the early days, Yveltal's aura helps our a lot. There could be a chance Jude would die so to their aura being so much, but protag powers say they live lol.

Dante - another one where he could have died but again that's probably too much. Honestly I'm not completely sure! Outside of like, moral support, I dunno how life would be without being a Chosen for him.

Ames- Nothing really changes outside of having to wear a specialized suit if wanting to go through ultra space. That and just not being that much of a night anymore lol.

Ray - Same as above( minus the night owl stuff)

Naomi - Well. For one, I don't think her father would be dead. Possibly. The whole reason she's a Chosen is bc her father's Curse Chosen status fell to her when he died. Can't be Chosen otherwise if that didn't happen so. There's still a chance the man could have died when she was young still, but there is no longer anything fogging her memory and the faces of the past. Not saying she remembers everything clearly but the unnatural fogginess in her head? Gone. If her dad was still alive, I think those two factors would have made Naomi just a bit more confident in herself. Not a lot, but just a bit more.

Carol- Nothing much changes I think. They don't have to accidentally touch someone and release their soul, so that's cool I guess. Carol got Chosen pretty late so. Yeah.

Luca- Again not 100% sure if he is gonna be a Chosen, but uuuuuh. If he wasn't, I don't think the story would have changed much lol.

R.B - Not a Chosen lmao, I know that now. I personally find that hilarious, and just wanna say that if no one is Chosen, that means R.B loses her " I'm the only normal human being next to these fucking demi gods of people" status. Then she would be losers like the rest of them ( affectionate).

Sorry this took so long to answer I! Feel asleep. Thanks for the ask deer!

[theloveinc]

do you talk hawks at all? i just love bird man so much i wanna pick his brain. wanna study him under a microscope. must be all of the ✨trauma✨ he’s been through

ANYWAY

do you think he’d have abandonment issues in a relationship? how clingy do you think he’d get?

(also i hc virgin hawks on my deathbed. wouldn’t surprise me at all if you were his first serious relationship. just ‘cuz i could see it being pretty difficult to really get close to him. but once you do…he ain’t letting go

buuuuttttt that’s just me)

i talk every character tbh but people always seem to forget💔💔💔but hawks omg... remember back in the early days of the pandemic when he was basically everyone's number one sexy boy? i'm honestly not sure why the hype for him died down so much.

ANYWAY i absolutely wanna study him, too! his trauma is SO interesting to me esp because i think his demeanor + motives are honestly... berry strange LMAO. respectable... but berry strange (we can address this another time sdfkjadsf).

To get down to it, though... I agree with you about Hawks' clinginess (if you can call the rest of this agreeing), as well as that it takes long time before you ever see that side of him, too. And not like a three month long time, more like a YEARS long time. One or two at least, given I also see him as being really hesitant about relationships. Not exactly having abandonment issues... but commitment ones.

Which isn't to say he's unloyal, or even as more of fuck buddy than anything else... I DO think he very seriously dates you (cuz I see him as being very serious in general, actually)...

But at first, dating him is never... romantic. Or it is and that aspect of it just feels... weird. Like you definitely like each other... but don't actually know each other, if that makes sense, all because he's distinctly refusing to let you in. And it's not even intentional, or ill-intentioned, at that... he genuinely does want to be with you... he just can't bring himself to commit in the ways that matter.

Until he does. 

Because I think if you stick with it, enjoy the relationship as best you can, there comes a point after all of this nonsense, where... yeah. He gets attached. WAY too attached. Codependent attached. Which is kinda strange because part of you thought he just liked you for the company... like, a friend he could bang..

But the reality is, the entire time you were dating, literally while you thought things would never progress and this might just be... settling, Hawks was building a nest with you in his head. Piece by piece, leaving bits of himself beside you and then pondering if it was finally safe to leave them all. And suddenly, it is. And you become his lifeline, the person he trusts more than anyone else in the entire world... all because you waited for him, dealt with him... showed him that you loved him even when it was hard.

Then he becomes clingy. Nightmarishly so, as this is when his commitment issues turn into abandonment issues. He goes from being somewhat scared of tying either of you down to being afraid you'll leave him for the way he's treated you, all in like... less than a month.

(And since he's not dumb, it goes smoother than I'm making it seem. Like he definitely has a moment where he tells you all this, and explains what he's been going through in trying to stay so casual; that he knows it was dickish, but it was only because deep down, he was so, so scared.)

But this means you go from hardly anything—dinner dates that would sometimes get canceled whenever he picked up an extra patrol, always leaving your apartment before anything other than kissing could start—to so much: going on fancy dates. Spending the night and waking up together. Talking about the future... as the future finally feels right. 

I think it’s a kind of a nice clingy, though. He’s not whiney at all, more happy and silly than you’ve ever seen him (completely delighted by you, all the time), and if anything really, it never feels like the honeymoon phase, just like you get very close and comfortable with one another, like you’ve been together for years. 

He just wants to see you everyday, not to exhaust, but to spend time together, even if that means doing nothing at all. He calls you and wants to talk for hours, about anything and nothing at all. He doesn’t mind anymore. 

-

AND turn this fantasy into your own, by god, please, but... yeah. He probably is virgin up until this point. Acts so cocky and suave about it but only because he doesn’t know what else to do. He wants to be good, thinks he has everything mastered to a certain extent... then your pants come down for real and he just... losing all cool, focus and control. 

Gotta treat him so sweet🥺🥺🥺 so his first time w/ you is magical. I already know it is, though. 

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, April 9th, 2024!

12:45am: Studied, now taking a nap till 4am lol wish me luck!! Had delicious meatballs for dinner, had a great day, saw the solar eclipse (!) and didn't hear from old guy which was nice for once!! Tired of him calling and ruining my Mondays with his sob stories :) I'm just saying I actually had a hella productive day because I wasn't triggered before noon! Hallelujah ❤️ good night everyone I love you all :) ❤️

12:26pm: I'm so burnt out and doneeee. Also just ewwwww ick what a fucked up guy fr I had to put him in his place in order for him to treat his gf right 🤢 fucking hell I'd be so embarrassed if he posted me ever again like I think I would fr cry out of embarrassment. I want to tell her so badly but(!) that would only put bad karma on me I really don't want that, just let her find out eventually ❤️ yuck

4:41pm: I think he blocked me from messaging him, but didn't actually block me? Why are there so many different ways to ignore someone lmao I didn't even know you could do that. Sucks for him. I'm done with my pediatric kidney transplant research, 🥳 and he's not around. Kinda like he died or something. He really went with me through all the bullshit but didn't want to stick around for the end result is kinda fucking crazy and stupid tbh. Really really really crazy to think another guy is gonna get the big baller Dr. version of me, and he only got the stressed out poor broke ass weight gaining student version but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to make it at some point. Anyway, his loss and someone else's gain 😎❤️ You would think he'd appreciate it the most, but he was too pussy to have a bad ass Dr. as a wife and just REALLY wanted to be the aLpHa MaLe and needed a lower level bitch 😬😂 The definition of self sabotage and toxic masculinity/ red pill bs. I need a confident man to match my energy and that's really some shit he was never able to do. It doesn't matter what you do for a living either I just need you to own your shit. He always wanted me to be quieter or more chill because he just wasn't shit. Every time I shined he looked like a rusty piece of junk instead of just shining with me. It's not like I wanted him to be beneath me, but he really wasn't helping himself either. Whatever. His loss is someone else's gain 🥰 Can't wait to find my partner ❤️

10:09pm: I really want to take my birth control out but I'm just gonna wait until I can call the pharmacy tomorrow because I don't know how early I can pick it up! This is killing me. I have deduced from planned parenthood (thanks!) that because I've had it in for infinity number of weeks (lol) I'm good to take it out as long as the new one goes in at 7 days or earlier if I want to try to change my start date?. The out time just cannot exceed 7 days. I want to have it out the whole 7 days this time and maybe I'll duck around with it next time trying to move it to Mondays again instead of Friday?? Idk I just need this shit to enD I remember why I skipped my period for six months straight now. I think that might be a record I haven't seen much longer than 2-3 months.

Goals: Start my period asap (safely) and get as much out as possible* I stg I'm gonna be chugging cayenne juice n vitamin C and tea and water y'all don't knoW. I want the spotting to STOP. Side note I also put bandaids on my boob acne maybe this will get under control :')

Get through this week's work and become the CritCare expert and try not to fail the last OSCE omg :') last verbal defense :')) it's all coming to an end literally.

Seriously though staying hydrated and *stress relieving* are the main goals until next weekend.

By the time the 19th rolls around (!!!) y'all aren't ready for that HYPE ASS weekend free dinner and Jesse McCartney and then the last week will be a BLUR 🤠

It's so funny because when I'm lit I know I'm not going to be thinking about him. It's not even that bad anymore. I can't imagine when the stress is 0%. I'd say I'm more fatigued than stressed atp too, like stress is about 20% and it's all to do with my period tbh, not even school. A little anxiety about APPE so maybe 25% but I'm not even really thinking about that yet either.

[bunnyb34r]

Okay I'm gonna put it under a cut but here's what I thought ab the movie

First of all, that was the most faithful to the book adaptation I've seen.

Like from the get go him noticing the tile missing from the bathroom, I was like oh!! They're adding that in!!

Every time I saw something I thought they'd cut I was SO excited! Like idk why but I thought they'd cut the part where Reaper went crazy from rabies (even though they never show that thats why he did what he did :/ ) and he had that little graveyard after Dill died

ESPECIALLY the flag part!

Almost everything was how I pictured it!!! That never happens!!! :D only thing different was the casting. The choices were very good, but that was the only major aspect that didn't line up with the version I thought

Little sad that they didn't show Clemessia turning part snake bc that was a very prominent point in the book imo bc it showed how even from early in the games lifetime, they were experimenting with making mutts. I thought that was a clever detail in the book, so sad it wasn't in there (probably cut for time understandably)

They also cut Grandma'am slipping into dementia which I get, it didn't sway the plot one way or the other really. It was more so in the book imo, a way to get you to sympathize with Snow. But since she didn't have much of a presence on screen, it was understandable that they cut that.

Like the book, it had a catching first part, a strong middle, and a eh third part. But that's just me. It was still very faithful, I just didn't care for part 3 as much.

Really liked how they showed it segmented like that with each part being labeled like the book. That was neat.

And I really liked Lucky Flickerman in the movie more than the book. He was a very good comic relief, audibly laughed at his parts. Like the what if it was candy bit. And I liked how they just had him casually doing the forecast bc it really showed how the games meant nothing to the Capitol, they had no stakes to lose other than their bet falling through.

Oh and didn't the girl who killed Marcus talk to him before going up there? I can't decide if her actions in the book are more merciful, BECAUSE she talked to him, or if the movie was more merciful bc she gently reached out and touched his head, and DIDN'T speak to him. Either way not how I pictured that scene, I thought he was on like a gallows type structure, but I understand the choice to have it be more impromptu on the Capitol's part. Like fuck just tie him to that rubble it's good enough.

I liked the video phone, that was neat. Like the tvs were more 50s style but the technology was advanced enough to have video phones.

Hunter Schaefer was a great choice for Tigris too.

I pictured Mayflower to be more... mousy I think. Like a typical snotty rich girl look. But I guess for 12 it fit.

Oh and in the book it seemed like he knew once he found the guns that he was gonna kill Lucy Gray, but in the movie it looked more like he wasn't sure until the snake bit him. Like he didn't plan on killing her, he was just looking for her.

Anyway I fucking loved it and I kinda wanna see it again in theaters sgdgdgdg I mean ill be okay waiting for the DVD but it was so so good. I wanna reread the book and then go back to the theater sgdgdgdgdgdg

There was only 5 of us there and we all sat in the back row which was funny. I was right smack dab in the middle bc thats where I chose on the ticket map, and the first group of 2 sat on the end on my right like eh here's good, we'll give them space. And then the second group sat on the end on my left which was funny to me.

Very glad I pushed myself to go and that I got to continue/finish My streak of having seen every THG movie in theaters (didn't think id make it honestly)

I had so much fun that I think I'm gonna try to go to the movies more often! It was nice being just me there, going in the morning helped my paranoia. Didn't "double feature" like I used to in high school lol but I figured I'm in my 20s now so I'm probably too old to sneak into another movie sgdgdgdgd we used to do that all the time in high school which was funny bc we saw Spiderman 2 in standard and then snuck in to see it in 3D (fished out glasses out of the recycling bin and used hand sanitizer to clean em) and when we saw Catching Fire we got to see it in IMAX by chance of someone holding the door open and thinking we were going there and well who am I to say no ;)

I think of the books this is my third favorite (catching fire, the hunger games, this one, mockingjay) and of the movies this is my fav (followed by cf, thg, mj part 2 and mj part 1)

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 73

Heaven and Hell/42

"Heaven and Hell"

Plot description: Anna recalls her past and Sam and Dean understand why Castiel and Uriel want her dead

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died. Yeah.

Is Sam, the first person to call Castiel Cas??? I feel like it's just been me this whole season...feels weird

So, what did Anna do that is so bad that the angels want her dead??

It's weird to see Dean being nice to Ruby...or at least TRYING to be kinda nice to her. He said "thank you," okay??

Pamela. Ma'am...that's sexual harassment.

Hooooooly shit...sorry, what? Anna's an angel?

We about to get a Sam Winchester exorcism training montage? Mmmm, he's refusing.

GOD this girl needs to meet Aziraphale and Crowley. Think she would throw both of them for a loop. Stationed on Earth for 2000 years before ripping her grace out so she fell? Because she had to take it on blind faith that god exists? Because she wanted to feel emotions the way that humans do? She's the perfect adoptee for those two

But also, Dean can understand what she's going through...I wanna hug him

Bet either Cas or Uriel (or both) took Anna's grace

Oh. The "I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in" threat was NOT EMPTY

Is.........is Dean...oh. Yeah, that's gonna happen. This is not the angel I've been led to believe Dean would be doing that with in the back of his car, but okay. (Was a better scene than Sam and Ruby, anyway)

I'm sorry. I can't take Dean saying "I guess I just like being a pain in the pooper" seriously. Pretty sure you can say ass on tv.

My blorbos seem to always get told, verbally or through actions, that they can be replaced...

Also, rude that Uriel is keeping her grace

How wonderful (absolutely drenched and dripping in sarcasm), we're torturing a nearly fully nude Ruby.......I don't even like her (but that's the writers' fault) but she doesn't deserve that.

Yeah, Dean's obvious pressure point is Sam...you threaten to kill Sam, Dean's gonna cave IMMEDIATELY

I don't think they should have let Cas get absolutely knocked on his ass this quickly. We're half way through the season he's INTRODUCED. He's not even BEEN in all the episodes, and he's getting his ass handed to him? They could have dragged out the "Cas is INSANELY POWERFUL, NIGH INVINCIBLE" a LITTLE longer (not disappointed in Dean whacking a demon upside the head about it though)

Oh...oh, Anna's FULL angel again, and SHE is nigh invincible. I'm...Dean knowing she's not happy about it :'(

Deeeeeean. I can't imagine what that must feel like. When you look at the total time Dean was in hell, which because time in Hell is even more fucked than Night Vale, you think okay, for 30 out of 40 years, he resisted the torture he was put through. He was in unimaginable pain himself but still refused to put anyone else through that at his hand. 75% is still a passing grade. It's not GREAT, but it's passing...til you remember he didn't think he was getting out. He was going to be there for all eternity for all he knew, and then you realize why it's so hard for him to forgive himself even when anyone else would (and has) told him he should. ANNA, THE ANGEL WHO USED TO BE CASTIEL'S BOSS (and might be again? i dunno), TOLD HIM HE SHOULD FORGIVE HIMSELF, BUT HE JUST WON'T.

"Been On My Mind...": Dean's tryst with an angel has put us at 10 again

"42"

Plot description: Trapped on a spaceship careening toward a boiling sun, the Doctor and Martha have only 42 minutes to save the day

Why do I feel like they reused.......this is the BBC why am I asking why it feels like they reused some of the sets from...either The Satan Pit or The Girl in the Fireplace? If the Doctor and a companion wind up landing the TARDIS on another space ship, of COURSE the interior is going to be reused

I really do like how Doctor who established super early on how far across the universe humans have traveled in the future. It makes explaining why they meet so many humans half a universe away from Earth REALLY easy. No, YOU'RE throwing shade at Supernatural.

I'm not saying they're reusing the plot of The Satan Pit too but I'm not NOT saying they haven't dressed it up slightly differently. A space ship dangerously close to a space thing that could destroy them? And there's a guy on board who went mad and sabotaged it? I mean....it's hardly an original storyline anyway, but it still makes me sad for Martha. She's still going on the same dates the Doctor took Rose on. If the Ood sho up, I'm turning this episode off (that IS and empty threat)

Okay...but honestly, recreational mathematics sounds like a fun class. I would take a recreational mathematics class. If it was just about finding fun patterns in numbers instead of having to just solve for one thing or another? It's kind of why I liked geometry class and none of the other math classes I took in high school

THE "BEE-AT-LZ" I'm dead. OMG Martha, just phone a friend...at home...in your own time to find out who had...YES, THAT'S MY GIRL. Except, maybe you should have called your sister not your mom.

I can't believe they're doing trivia to save the spaceship.

Oh shit. That's the same effects with the eyes Supernatural uses for when angels do some weird shit. Except angels only burn people's eyes out, not completely vaporize people.

So...what exactly has possessed this guy?

It's half trivia, half almost obstacle course? with just a dash of slow -moving slasher-movie villain thrown in for good measure. OH MY GOD IT'S OLMEK'S TEMPLE FROM LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE

DIDN'T THE DOCTOR TELL YOU TO STAY PUT??? Oh, the captains gonna die, like, RIGHT now, huh?

How're you gonna stop Martha from getting jettisoned INTO THIS SUN

Man, this dude is a MAJOR downer.

Ohhhh, 1.) Martha calling her mom to tell her she loves her (but also the sort of betrayal of her mom working with Harold Saxon's people behind Martha's back), and 2.) the gentle forehead kiss the major downer dude gives her when she hangs up...because he knows this was hard and he knows the Doctor isn't gonna save them in time (he's wrong, but he's convinced) and it's one little sign of affection that he knows she needs in this moment, which for all they know is one of their final ones

That's DEFINITELY the same space suit he wore in The Satan Pit.

the SUN IS ALIVE??? (<-if i'd been saying this out loud, i would have made it a quote by one of the Todoroki parents...mostly the one I hate)

I don't know what I want less: everyone but Martha and the Doctor dying or everyone but Martha, the Doctor, and the captain dying so she has to live with the conseque.......well, turns out she's making a sacrifice play, but they're not out of danger yet.

There's something that takes all the bite out of a countdown, and it's called "there are still twelve and half more seasons after this episode"

God, I love that Martha's leaving a trail of broken hearts across all of time and space. Good for her. (I am deliberately ignoring the cause being her unrequited crush on the Doctor. I'm choosing to celebrate Shakespeare writing sonnets about her, and giving this random astronaut someone he can believe in for the first time in a long time)

Episodes Since the Doctor's Last Attempted Genocide: I HAVE LOST COUNT. IS IT 4 NOW? This is part of the drawback of doing this show every other day

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

ST4 rewatch

The fact 010's number is shown hints to where this is on the timeline since 010 would have to be older than El and he looks maybe twelve?

010 didn't recognize the sun instantly

He knew of the existence of suns and dogs and cows though so either the kids read or he got taken like Kali did. The latter is unlikely though, otherwise he'd have a greater number than El.

His telepathy works different from El's. 010 could see from Brenner's eyes, whereas El and Henry observe in third person the subject's whereabouts or memories.

They keep showing us Brenner's handwriting???

The light switch is too high up for any kid to reach, so lack of agency (at least visually, there's a bunch of telekinetic kids) but also hostility towards wheelchair users and those with dwarfism, so maybe Brenner's an abelist little shit and specifically designed his building that way even though it's entirely unreasonable.

Getting hot with the door might explain why Henry neglected to kill him, but there's a bunch of other reasons too.

I thought it means down from the cut, but Brenner's nose was bleeding.

Her diorama is in a blue red and white REEBOK box and the logo is on the lid so it's upside-down, this gets a close up in her letter to Mike.

Joyce offers a client to "loan the product before committing" 👀 and "do you realize in not a robot?"

Did El straight up say she doesn't think Nancy would drive Jonathan to college??? No it's fine we respect compound sentences in this house..

Why does Jonathan still have that poster? Why did he ever?

"You were right, it just takes time." El tried to write how fucking miserable she felt but NOW she's lying! Why does she now feel that she has to lie? What changed?

This party always bothers me bc either I'm just autistic or she Mona Lisa-ing at the flowers and I can never tell whether she's serious.

I saw El's girf! (Gothy extra)

"Hard to breath" *gets suffocated*, etc

"High school drop out club" babes the leader has been in HHS for six years and so hasn't dropped out.

*in blue and yellow* "I will repent later" ("fruit on pizza that's blasphemous") (in the CLUES house)

"I woke up looking like a total corpse" *minimal Vickie development* I SWEAR TO GOD DUFFERS IF YOU KILL HER I WILL KILL YOU

Gone from not knowing what Fast Times is to memorizing timestamps for👀some👀reason. THAT'S what I call character development!

Darker version of her green scrunchie bc Max is a 'darker' version of what SHE WAS ALREADY THINKING wow is it too early to cry?

Look at my boy🥺 Jason shut up let him speak

Lucas is number 8

Jason is whether consciously or not playing to the group's sympathy just to get them on his side and make himself look smart, he does it later for angry mob reasons

Want Melissa the girl Steve liked in S3? She died?

What the fuck is a candy ass

Mike and Dustin are kinda making me HATE then right now dw Lucas ily <2

There's a rose quilt on Joyce's pantry

Every time I see Angela I get more annoyed

Her earrings look like teeth

I think the guys behind Lucas are flirting (/hj)

When Max starts talking about her step-dad she's framed with light behind her so you can't see her pupils or irises.

What the FUCK does he mean by Gareth has "a year and a half" left in high school???

"Most desired girl in Hawkins" have you ever spoken to someone besides Jonathan?

I wanna know what Fred said to gross Nancy out

Something something chess in the lab something something chess club at HHS

WHO WAS LOOKING FOR BUTTERFLY SYMBOLISM BECAUSE MAX HAD AN ORANGE ONE IN HER BEDROOM

Spiders (predators) on her fear food (?)

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[aquafaith]

My lengthy, angry ACOSF rant review.

Spoilers, TW for mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.

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I loved ACOTAR. I still love ACOTAR. I always will love ACOTAR. But every book afterwards made me give up more and more. ACOMAF romanticized an abusive relationship and assassinated characters for the author's convenience. ACOWAR was a bunch of boring and inconsequential death scares. ACOFAS was all-round dreadful. And each book kept shitting on and pushing away Lucien for no reason.

I'd like to preface this by saying I hated Nesta too. I hated the way she treated Feyre in ACOTAR especially, and I wasn't even too excited for this book because I wasn't that keen on Nesta as a character.

Nesta's POV and her backstory changed my perspective. It does not excuse her actions. All Nesta stans can hold these characters accountable for what they do - trauma is a reason, not an excuse. I, and many others, sided with Nesta because of the way she's treated by everyone else in this book. Also, if you're going to hate Nesta for not teaching Feyre how to read and letting her hunt at fourteen, (which I did, and are very valid things to hate), AT LEAST hold Elain accountable too.

This book. This fucking book.

Shall we start with the intervention? Feyre on her little power trip thinks that her boyfriend that hates Nesta and Nesta hates back, Nesta's ex-best friend, and her possible mate who she never talks to should be at this stupid fucking intervention??? Excuse me???

Remember in ACOMAF when Feyre wouldn't shut up about how rich Rhysand is? Feyre literally has four or five houses and is always talking about how much jewelry and lingerie she can afford because Rhysand is so rich??? Well, Nesta has a few shots. So you know what Feyre does? Humiliates Nesta at this "intervention", TEARS DOWN HER HOME, and forces her to go to the Illyrian training camp.

That was the god awful premise for this book.

Did you think Elain wasn't there because she was against the "intervention"? Nope! She was packing Nesta's belongings without permission.

Remember in ACOMAF when it's made a big fucking deal that locking up a traumatised woman is extremely damaging? Well, when Nesta decides she doesn't want to be in Illyria, Feyre locks her in the House of Wind. Nesta can't fly, so her only way of leaving is down the TEN THOUSAND STEPS, that Feyre KNOWS Nesta isn't capable of climbing.

Feyre's pregnant. In ACOFAS she randomly decided that she wanted a baby to remember Rhysand by if he dies. Which doesn't make any sense because they made that stupid fucking death pact in ACOWAR. It's just SJM superimposing her pregnancy onto her early 20's protagonist. Ignoring the fact that Feyre isn't ready for a baby and Rhysand CERTAINLY isn't, and with a war just ended and another looming and so much trauma and a DEATH PACT are all such horrible circumstances to bring a child into, Feyre is already pregnant. Remember when SJM made a big deal about Fae babies being so hard to conceive, and Feyre said in ACOFAS they wouldn't have to worry for a long time because it can take years to conceive your first Fae child? Well it's been no more than 3 or 4 months and Feyre's already pregnant. Yep.

Also the birth will kill her. Because of course it will. Rhysand KNEW this, and still agreed to try for a baby.

There's no solution. Abortions don't exist for some stupid reason, and a C section would apparently kill Feyre?

(Wasn't this book supposed to be about Nessian?)

In ACOWAR, Cassian was on the battlefield with his entrails around his knees. Someone had to literally hold his guts in for him, and he's fine, but you're telling me a C section would kill Feyre?

Don't worry, this is just setting up the AWFUL ending to this book.

ACOSF amounts to Nesta being gaslit into believing her abusers are right. Her friends and family slut shame her and shame her for her lifestyle constantly. Cassian says it took him decades to work through some of his trauma, and he tried to drink and fuck it away too, but suddenly when Nesta does so it's heinous? Nesta's barely twenty five and she's expected to cope better than these ancient immortals.

Hell, didn't SJM write ACOMAF? Nobody expected Feyre to pick herself up so quickly. The IC (excluding Rhysand) respected her boundaries for the most part and understood when it was grief, trauma, and turmoil that made her angry, sad, want to be left alone, etc. But that's all forgotten here.

Amren also compares Nesta to the people in, and says she belongs in, The Court of Nightmares. You know, the murderers, abusers and rapists? This innocent woman who had a few shots and a bit of sex is on par with them, apparently!

The sex scenes.

SJM is scared to say vagina so she says sex.

She says seed to mean semen.

Apparently the word cunt turns SJM on. I just found Cassian saying that kinda cringe because I'm Bri'ish so the word cunt really isn't a big deal.

Back to the baby killing Feyre, because this is definitely what we all wanted from this book as indicated by the change in covers and format and title... Rhysand decides not to tell Feyre. He tells her friends and family, and tells them not to tell her.

SJM loves sweeping Rhysand's abuse from the first book under the rug and claiming it's always about Feyre's choice... where is that here, MAAS? WHERE IS IT?

Anyway, when Nesta rightfully decides to tell Feyre (although it is kind of out of spite), Rhysand threatens to kill Nesta.

And I believed him. With the way he treats his """mAtE tHaT hE lOvEs sO mUcH""" and all the people he's mindlessly killed before, do you really think he wouldn't kill the person who gave Feyre an inch of autonomy?

So what does Cassian do? His lover who he cares deeply about and suspects is his mate has received a death threat from tHe mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lORd iN hIsToRy.

Cassian simply gets Nesta out of the court.

EXCUSE ME?

He doesn't breathe ONE word to Rhysand about this. This Illyrian WARRIOR who fought with his GUTS HANGING OUT didn't dare step up to the hIGh lOrD who he considers his brother and sparrs and fights with all the time?

Cassian literally does nothing.

Was it not Rhysand himself who said Mated males are dangerous? Can kill anyone who looks at their mate? Can be dangerous simply leaving the house? Rhys and Feyre both pull the Mate card to justify their bad actions on the other's behalf... and Cassian just tried to get Nesta out of the court?

Also, this High King bullshit.

I swear to fucking god, if SJM DARES to make this abusive, power-tripping, mOsT pOwErFuL hIgH lOrD eVEr, husband-insert of hers hIgH kInG, I will fight her in the street.

My beloved Lucien is in this book. Only for him to be used and shat on.

I really liked it when he calmed Cassian down with just a look though. Yes please fox man.

Helion is also in this book. Nothing to do with Lucien.

Eris is also in this book. ERIS. Lucien's eldest brother. The same one who abused him for years, but according to SJM he's slightly better, because at least he didn't agree to kill Lucien's lover. He betrayed his daddy that one time, therefore Eris is good. Y'know, the same Eris who abused Mor? Left her laying on the Autumn Court border with a nail in her womb? Well SJM is going back on her own canon to redeem yet ANOTHER abusive male, while continuing to demonize Tamlin for things he only happened to do when SJM decided the villain from the first book was sexy.

Nesta and Cassian are Mates.

Remember when Mates were supposed to be a rare and sacred thing? Now SJM dishes them out like Oprah.

I don't want these characters to be mates. I want to see them slowly fall in love. But SJM is incapable of writing that so she forces them together with the mAtInG bOnD. That's literally the only basis for most of these relationships, Feysand especially.

The only relationship where the bond would make sense is between Helion and The Lady of Autumn. Who still isn't named. But I will die on the hill that they're mates, I can feel it between them.

I wanted someone to die in this book. I predicted that it would either be Helion or Tarquin, but Tarquin isn't even in this one.

And the ending.

SJM can't write a decent climax, so she kills both Feyre and Rhysand for the second time. Yep.

The baby is being born which stupidly kills Feyre, and thankfully takes Rhysand with them.

Nesta decides to save them. Bad choice. But she decides to save them! Because she's so powerful and she ATE THE CONTENTS OF THE CAULDRON and she's CONNECTED TO THE MOTHER.

Do you know what happens.

Nesta loses her powers.

NESTA.

LOSES.

HER.

POWERS.

The powers we've hardly seen, the powers that were briefly mentioned and used ONCE in ACOWAR, then we saw like two flashes of in this book? They're GONE now. GONE SO NESTA CAN SAVE HER ABUSIVE SISTER AND ABUSIVE HUSBAND WHO ABUSES THEM BOTH.

Nesta is just an Amren now. They both fought for their powers, and had to give them up to save people who didn't deserve it. Now they're anticlimactically trapped in powerless bodies.

Also, and I can't BELIEVE I didn't originally include this - do you know what else Nesta TRADED HER POWERS FOR?

Illyrian anatomy so she can carry Cassian's baby one day.

EXCUSE ME?

I am so fucking SICK TO DEATH of the narrative that every woman needs a man and children to be happy. SJM clearly loves this because she's literally only keeping Amren and Nesta alive now to be sex objects to their partners and nothing else seeing as their POWERS WERE RIPPED AWAY FROM THEM, and now NESTA TRADED THOSE POWERS TO HAVE A BABY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WANTS? Nesta does NOT strike me as a motherly type. She's the wine aunt, she and Cassian are the couple that go on holiday a lot and and babysit their nieces and nephews, but nope. Nesta HAS to have children.

The Feysand baby is called Nyx. That's just so underwhelming, you go from these huge, multiple syllable names like Amarantha and Morrigan and Lucien to Nyx? I get it's supposed to be unique but it's not even meaningful. It's just more shit-flavoured icing on the hAHa nIgHt uWu cake. I prefer Renesmée.

Nesta is wrong somehow. She says she's sorry as she's saving them. FOR WHAT? For being a little rude to Feyre as all sisters are? And rightfully hating your sister's abuser?

Oh yeah, remember in ACOWAR when Nesta took care of a comatose, starving Elain for months? Elain is randomly okay now because she takes care of her mental health the stereotypical way of baking cakes, and not drinking and fucking, which she shames Netsa for.

Remember the slut shaming, demeaning comments that the whole iNnEr cIrClE made about Nesta? They all expect apologies from her. For some reason.

Nesta has done nothing wrong. She coped with her trauma and minded her business in her own ways, and she's expected to apologise to the people who control and emotionally abuse her.

Nothing that any of these characters did to Nesta is right. Nesta wasn't okay at the end, this wasn't Nesta's healing story. This is Nesta being shamed and degraded until she submits.

Oh I can't believe I forgot to write this in my first draft of this review, do you know how Nesta "overcomes" her grief about her Father's death and her conflicting feelings about him and his life and her guilt? When she visits his grave for the first time, she takes Nyx.

NYX.

She holds NYX up to the grave and talks about how it's his grandson.

GO AWAY YOU STUPID DEMON BABY THIS IS NOT YOUR BOOK.

Speaking of, it's revealed that Nesta was abused by her mother and grandmother in this book? Something we were all looking forward to is seeing more of the Archeron's mother seeing as Feyre was so young when she died, but... nope. She gets a few vague mentions, and this newly revealed abuse is entirely glossed over. Nesta was also actively groomed by an older man at 14. But SJM glosses over this because of course she does.

Finally, the bonus chapters.

My edition came with a bonus chapter from Feyre's POV. It was pointless and I hated it.

There's another bonus chapter from Azriel's POV. Once I'd finished this book, he was one of the few characters I still harboured a shred of respect for.

Then I read his bonus chapter.

This exists to purely objectify Elain.

Whether you ship Elain with Azriel, or Lucien, or neither, this chapter is disgusting. He thinks about her coming on his tounge, and other things simply just to please him.

He then dares to suggest that "the Cauldron picked wrong" in choosing Lucien as Elain's mate?

No Azriel, SJM picked RIGHT in not giving each Archeron sister a bAt bOy.

Rhysand does the only right thing he's ever done by telling Azriel to stay away from Elain, but then he has to ruin it by clarifying that it's only so they can manipulate and use Lucien more.

Oh, and Azriel wants to kill Lucien.

Need I remind you that Lucien respects Azriel? Lucien is another victim of the Night Court's needless, baseless torment, and Azriel is no exception.

Lucien stays well out of Elain's way because she makes it clear that she's not interested in a mate, but Azriel wants to kill him simply for being her mate.

Lucien has done nothing. And I mean literally NOTHING to warrant any of this treatment. From the bAt bOyS, from Feyre, from his family, from SJM, from the deluded part of this fandom that think he's done wrong. NOTHING.

All I liked about this book was the Lucien scenes (which is a given), ((although I hated the way everyone talks about him behind his back)), Nesta's relationship with the house, Emerie and Gwyn, the evidence that Gwynriel is endgame and subsequently Elucien, and the book love. Everything else was horrible. Oh, and Nesta hates Rhysand. I love that for her, because everyone else bows at his feet.

Oh yeah, when Nesta DARES suggest that Rhysand is an "arrogant, preening asshole" which I think is a compliment, Cassian can't take Rhys' cock out of his mouth for one second, and has to get mad at her for having an opinion. Don't even get me started on Azriel in that scene.

If each book after ACOTAR made me slowly give up, this book made me give up altogether. I cannot go on to support this victim-blaming, abuse-forgiving, misogynistic series. I've given up on SJM, and the only characters I care about anyone are Lucien, Nesta, Helion, and Tarquin. I'll continue to read this series to see if SJM redeems herself, but I'll be downloading them for free. I'm not giving this piece of shit any more of my money.

I hope we don't get the Lucien book. I don't want her to slaughter my fox in the way she slaughtered LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE.

Thanks for listening.

Edit: I put the review on Goodreads!