#i think they've fixed it now because the two most recent ones i've had have been GOOD but still 😭 it's a struggle

[thefrogdalorian]

The UCS Lego Razor Crest figure of Din made a fine addition to my collection...

[irisinluv]

Yandere Stardew Valley- Sebastian

I've been playing some Yandere Stardew mods recently. While I love them..... I feel like they do my husband (Sebastian) wrong. The citizens of Pelican Town are telling me that they can't hang out with me because Sebstian threatened them. That they've noticed some weird behavior. That he's physically violent. I disagree with all of these for Sebby.

He's our hot programmer boyfriend who lives in his basement bedroom, and only emerges to enjoy a smoke break, or to go see his friends. Now, while again, I do enjoy playing the mods...... I think his cannon behavior sets him up to be the perfect chronically online yandere. Pelican Town isn't exactly the most connected (6 out of the 11 rivals have access to a computer), but there's still potential. Obviously they're gonners if they have a computer. Sam finds himself doxed after making a comment about the gifts you gave him this week, and poor Haley's socials are blowing up with hate comments- from her personal insta to her photography blog.

But what about the other 5? The ones who are more disconnected? Well. It's easy enough to get Shane fired from joja. A little email to Morris from "HQ" saying he either fires Shane or his own pay gets docked..... well. Suddenly, everyone's favorite alcoholic doesn't even have a job anymore. Elliott suddenly has all these taxes he hasn't paid on his little shack..... beachfront properties cost a lot, you know. The parents stop letting Penny watch their kids after some..... explicit photos get leaked. It doesn't matter that they're edited. These people don't know about Photoshop. All they know is apparently Penny's making ends meet to support her mother..... and there's a new favorite subject to gossip on between all the older women. The other rivals are equally taken care of. All you need to focus on now is how Sebastian is the only reliable option in the whole damn town.

And he knows you so well, doesn't he? You, who lived away from it all until now. You, who WAS connected to the internet. Who had their entire life detailed through Facebook updates and Instagram posts. Honestly, Sebastian thinks that maybe he DOESN'T need to leave Pelican town... looking at the life you lived before coming to the valley, he thinks its much easier to keep you safe when he can control everything that goes on. There were too many factors to your old life. Too many parties to go to, coworkers to talk to, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends worry about. No. Sebastian thinks that city life isn't fit for the two of you to start you life together.

While he enjoyed seeing the trip down memory lane of who you were before becoming the farmer, and learning more about your likes and dislikes, he much prefers this version of you. The version of you who he found bouncing on their toes outside his door, excitedly shoving a frozen tear at him. Who eventually became the only person he was genuinely excited to have come barging into his room unannounced. And the thought of moving into the farm with you was all together far too tempting. He can picture it already. He'd set up a little area to work on his bike, he'd help out around the farm for you (he saw your hands covered in scrapes and splinters one day, and you sheepishly told him your fences had started wearing down.... but fixing a fence was another first for you. So you ended up scraping yourself up a bit on the old wood. Now, Sebastain, who, while he doesn't enjoy it, grew up with a carpenter mother..... well. He's going to make sure you never have that many splinters again.) Oh and he can already imagine it. The two of you, far away from the rest of the town, from prying eyes, no one to hear what you two would get up to as he helped you relax after a long day of working the feilds.....

This fantasy would sustain him until you eventually asked him to marry you. I don't think he would rush anything. To you, and the rest of the citizens, he was just normal Sebastian. Showing up for band practice, playing pool at the bar (although he seemed to play much better when a certain farmer came to watch). He just realized that the best way to control all the factors in town would be to remain anonymous. Avoid suspicion. After all. In a small town like that, it would be all too easy to turn against him if he decided to publicly threaten someone. And how would you react if you came to drop off some fresh sashimi to your boyfriend, only to find him being dragged out of his house by Clint, with Marlon standing nearby, ready to ship him off to face justice in the adventurers guild? No. That wouldn't do. He can't add any more stress to you like that. He'd remain the puppeteer, pulling the strings of the valley.

This isn't to say Sebastian never stalks you in person or anything like that. He can't help himself. He's a night owl. He knows the villagers schedules, has since before you even came to town. So, he knows he can get away with digging in the trash to find the straw you threw away at the bar. And if someone does hear him.... well. Linus is going to be everyone's first thought. He does, however, start adopting a stricter routine as far as monitoring your house after you mention how you sell your produce.

Sebastian was rightfully horrified when you explained that Mayor Lewis comes by your farm at night to collect anything you wish to sell. How it's such a relief to be able to just chuck things in the the bin as you're rushing to bed at 1:50 in the morning, only to get up first thing and start your day again, and not have to worry about lugging all your goods to the store. Sebastian won't criticize you for the lack of sleep..... no. That's not what's worrying. What's worrying is that this old man who has a gold statue of himself and who gets it on in the bushes with his secret girlfriend (of course Sebastian knows about that) is showing up to your house sometime after 2 am. His mind flashes back to his fantasy of the two of you, completely alone on the farm.... and then is mortified as this fantasy morphs into a nightmare where he looks up from bed with you, and sees Lewis' wrinkled face peering through the window. Yea. No. Sebastain installs some hidden cameras to make sure Lewis doesn't get up to anything funny while you're defenseless, asleep, alone..... ok he might need to get a new mayor elected. The old man might just have to go. Perhaps to a home outside the town. Regardless, he makes sure Lewis stops coming by as frequently. Frustratingly, he isn't able to completely stop it, but that'll be an easy fix once the two of you are married. He'll act surprised, "wow Lewis, that's so kind of you to help out the farmer all this time. But hey, don't worry, I'll take over. I'm up late anyways, and it's the least I can do!" But Sebastian still wakes up in a cold sweat and frantically rushes to check the cameras, making sure you're OK. That Lewis really is just checking the shipping bin.

Once y'all get married, he shows a bit more of that possessive side to you. But you chalk it up to just bedroom spicy time, and honestly find his hand tightening on your waist as Elliot asks you to read his latest poem hot.

Just. Yandere Sebastian brain rot.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Chris was looking for his dad.

In season 6, both Chris and Denny were looking for their dads.

Full Disclosure: Before I delve into this parallel, I have to admit that I ABSOLUTELY LOATHED the way the Hen, Karen, Denny and Nathaniel storyline was handled and I mentioned it several times in my Season 6 -Constructive Criticisms posts (main one about stereotypes linked here). I don't believe the show did a good job of capturing most of the things they attempted to illustrate for the audience throughout the season but it's over now and there's nothing that can be done about it. Thankfully, TM is back as the ONLY SHOWRUNNER FOR SEASON 7 so he can fix the mess that was made by KR for seasons 5 & 6.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Over the seasons, I've found many instances where Buddie and Henren were paralleled and so were their sons, Chris and Denny. They're friends and they have been for years just like Eddie and Karen (post linked here) but they're barely shown together anymore. Was it on purpose, maybe but they along with Harry were the youngest of the 118's children until Jee-Yun was born in season 4.

IIRC, the last time Chris and Denny were shown talking to each other was in 5x10 when Hen arrived with Denny and he ran over to talk to Chris.

In season 6, they weren't shown together at all but their lives were paralleled A LOT with regards to their dads!

Reminder, Eddie calls himself Chris' father when he talks to Buck about Chris (post linked here). Even though I completed a post about the way Chris was looking for Buck in 6x11 during Buck's coma dream (linked here), I didn't notice the parallels between Chris and Denny that I'm including in this post until recently but they've been there hiding in plain sight. I think I missed them before because their scenes happened in different episodes starting in 6A and they continued through 6B.

In 6x9, Denny went off on his bike looking for his dad but he didn't tell Hen or Karen where he was going. When he arrived and Nathaniel opened the door, Denny introduced himself and said, "I think you're my dad."

Reminder, for his birthday, he asked Hen and Karen if they had any information about his birth parents and they gave him a folder. Later in the episode, he overheard Hen talking to Chimney on the phone after Eddie and Buck dropped off their four-way call and he started looking for him.

Fast forward to 6x11 and Chris was looking for his "dad" (Buck), not his father (Eddie) in Buck's coma dream. He asked Buck, "Can you help me find my dad?" but Buck told him he wasn't real which means he didn't believe Chris is already his son too even though he's been coparenting him with Eddie for six years.

Reminder, Chris already knew where Eddie was but he asked Buck to help him find his dad because Chris is the son Buck's been searching for since 3x1 - 3x3.

Both Buck and Nathaniel were in the hospital in season 6 and Chris and Denny were both upset by it. In 6x11, Chris insisted Carla take him to the hospital so he could see Buck and in 6x13, Denny and Nathaniel were in a car accident but Hen and Karen didn't know Denny had been spending time with him. Denny got upset and stopped talking to Hen and Karen because he thought they didn't care about the fact that Nathaniel might die.

In 6x10 Buck did die but Nathaniel didn't in 6x13. Chris asked Buck to come back and he did but Hen and Karen went to see Nathaniel in the hospital after Toni had a conversation with them.

The scenes above are similar for two reasons. First, they both happened in 6x13 and second both Denny and Chris were spending time ALONE with their dads. The difference is Eddie KNEW Chris was with Buck and I always wondered why he just dropped Chris off and dipped so they could bake cookies for Chris' whole class (post linked here) but it wasn't the first time he did it (and it won't be the last). The first time was in 3x1 before the Tsunami.

In the scenes below, Chris asked Buck, "Can you help me find my dad?" but after Denny knocked on Nathaniel's door and he opened it, Denny said, "I think you're my dad."

Why is this important?

It's important because Chris has always considered Buck to be his second dad/parent while Denny was looking for his dad. Buck is the one who hasn't realized he already has a son even though Nathaniel did. Reminder, Eva told Nathaniel about Denny and she showed up with him in 2x5 even though she lied to Hen and said she didn't know who his father was.

Also, Nathaniel made an agreement with Hen and Karen that he would follow their lead. He broke the agreement, they didn't.

Eddie put Buck in his will and named him to be Chris' legal guardian but he waited a whole year to tell him about it. One major difference between Buck and Nathaniel is Buck WAS ALREADY COPARENTING CHRIS WITH EDDIE! But Nathaniel was not in the picture and he hid the relationship he wanted to have with his son from Denny's mothers.

Let's be real for a minute because KR did a horrible job of making sure these parallels got recognized and it might have something to do with the fact that there was so much BS included in season 6 that it made everything EXTRA messy. From the sperm donor storyline; to interim captain to Buck wanting to be happy, Hen working towards completing medical school, AA sponsors that were created out of thin air, dating storylines that came out of nowhere, characters acting out of character... just everything overlapped and it was too difficult to determine what they were trying to do.

Will things finally be better in season 7? I hope so but only time will tell.

[wiccawrites]

KINNPORSCHE BODYSWAP AU ||

AU where kinnporsche are sons of two of Thailand's most affluent families!! The Theerapanyakuls are old rich but recently struggling -- they've got a good name but their business isn't as flourishing as it once was and it's steadily shrinking. On the other hand, the Kittisawats are new rich. They made it big in the software industry just a decade ago and now they're easily one of the richest families in the country.

Kinn and Porsche are both next in line to inherit their respective businesses but the way they were raised are night and day. Kinn was raised under Korn's iron hand and he's a middle child to top it all off. Meanwhile Porsche is smart but generally unserious -- he's outgoing and a free spirit!

They grew up as rivals. Porsche has gone out of his way to tease Kinn ever since they were little. Kinn is one of the few people that can get Porsche to take things seriously -- mostly because Porsche likes competing with Kinn and trying to see if he can ruin Kinn's day by winning.

Anyway Something Happens™ (idk what, let's say the gay stars align for now) and they end up switching bodies with no way of switching back. 

This is a problem because Kinn's engaged to be married in a week and there is no fucking way Porsche is sleeping with Kinn's blander-than-hotel-wallpaper fiance. He's adamant about it and he doesn't understand how Kinn could throw his whole life away for a business. 

Kinn honestly didn't like his fiance as well but Korn had been breathing down his neck about getting married for the sake of expanding the business for literal years now. And his fiance was from a really good background. If he breaks off the engagement, especially this late in the game, he'll disgrace the family name. He tells Porsche as much. 

That's when Porsche gets the idea. 

Since they're in each other's bodies, Porsche can just break the engagement off as Kinn. He thinks that if he delivers an impassioned speech standing up for himself (well, for Kinn technically), Korn will eventually have to understand.

After all, Porsche knew he had a way with words. What could go wrong? 

A lot, apparently. 

Porsche does as planned during Kinn's engagement party and Korn is livid. He's never seen the man turn that shade of red before. Korn is a breath away from publicly disowning Kinn until the real Kinn takes Porsche's hand and apologizes for not being brave enough to do the right thing. 

Suddenly, Porsche catches himself looking at Kinn. He's grateful they can see each other for who they truly are because it would be weird if Porsche looked at Kinn and instead saw himself right now.

Because Kinn is making up a story about how he and Porsche have been secretly dating on and off for years and throughout Kinn's engagement. And he's being loud about it. People are staring. In fact, Porsche is sure the only reason no one is doing anything is because the story is, well, it's juicy.

"Please believe me when I say it's all my fault for being a coward," Kinn says in a tone that has everyone hanging onto his every word. He turns to Porsche, and then he gets on one knee. "Kinn, I'm sorry for taking so long to realize that you're the person I've been waiting for all my life. You're the one who loves me, and I'm the one who loves you most. Will you marry me?"

Porsche wonders how the fuck Kinn came up with all this shit on the spot. 

Because it's genius.

The Kittisawats were currently the third richest family in Thailand. Korn would be a fool to force his son to go through with his existing engagement now. Not to mention, the press would eat the whole romance angle up. And being engaged would give Kinn and Porsche the chance to cover for each other while they figure out how the fuck they can go back to their own bodies.

God, Kinn was brilliant. Porsche could kiss him.

Porsche blinks. Actually, that wasn't a bad idea at all. Everyone was watching. The better they sold this lie, the more time they'd get to fix things.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Porsche kneels so that he and Kinn are eye-to-eye. A relieved smile breaks through his face as he loops his arms around Kinn's shoulders.

"Yes," Porsche whispers before he seals their lips together.

If his heart skips a few beats, that's only because he's never been into public displays of affection.

[utilitycaster]

i saw a comment on reddit about what previous villains may return as result of magic prisons dispelling, like Trent or Vecna. And it got me thinking I prefer C2's separation from C1. While bringing 3 campaigns together is fun. With the Mighty Nein, Keyleth, J'mon, Vax and everyone involved it feels like Bell's Hells are a tiny cog in the wheel, not the heroes? Which is realistic. But (bar Imogen and Orym) it doesn't feel like their story anymore? They keep asking 'why us' and I don't know either

So I'm going to just state that I dislike and don't use Reddit as a platform anyway and have specific reasons to mistrust the CR Reddit's rules and moderation. I take any comment made on the Reddit with an entire shaker of salt and would advise people to just not look at it, because I don't think worthwhile discussion is encouraged there.

On the one hand, "why us" is at some point a question most D&D groups ask (and that does include Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein). This is such a massive undertaking that any one group or individual cannot just fix it, and significant and powerful NPCs are a normal part of the game even for past campaigns; J'mon couldn't fix all of Vox Machina's problems so there's no reason to believe they can fix Bells Hells' problems either. Bells Hells are a small cog right now, but missing a small cog will still entirely stop the gears from turning properly.

It's fair to say that because of the setup of this campaign, that sense of "why us" is heightened: most campaigns would probably either build up to the events of episode 51 as the final boss battle, or alternately introduce it very early, before the party can do much about it at all, as something they will build up to solving. Having it as the party hit mid-levels and when they were extremely involved in the lead-up, sometimes at the cost of character development/party meshing is admittedly tricky, and I've said before, the lead-in suffered at times. But that doesn't mean it's not their story. I have had my frustrations, and to be clear if we spend a protracted amount of time in Zephrah I will not be a fan of that specific decision, but since the solstice it has finally, to me, felt like they've been properly in the driver's seat.

I'd also add that my takeaway for quite some time from this campaign has been the theme that imperfect but thoughtful action nearly always is far superior to unrealized perfect ideology. "Why us" isn't really a question they need to answer. Who cares why. It is them, so it's time to shoulder that responsibility. Honestly it's when someone like Ludinus says "yes, it should be me" that we get problems. Had he perhaps looked at all of the things he claims are problems, after serving in positions of power within two separate major governments, and made an effort to actually fix them in real time rather than developing a centuries-long master plan involving draining the life out of various fey creatures, and blowing up the moon we might not be having these problems.

I do still prefer the Mighty Nein as a campaign for a number of reasons, and I still believe that a lot of what I found rough in the earlier campaign would have been improved by, if not the same limitations of the Nein, at least a similarly well-informed character creation process. But that's not something that can really be addressed now, and the appearance of, say, J'mon Sa'Ord is a nonissue entirely unrelated to that.

This is not the first question I've gotten in this vein recently so I'm going to repeat a bit more clearly: I respect people finding that this campaign isn't for them, and as all the above outlines I have had my own issues. However, this is something you should be talking about on your own blog and not my inbox. I probably will answer some, especially if I see a hook to talk about my thoughts, but I'm not going to be terribly validating to you if that's what you're looking for, and I'm not really a good person to vent to if that's all you want.

[homielander]

(rape tw) im so annoyed that they made homelander a rapist because it just seems so shock value at this point. now i'm not allowed to like a complex character even to cope because he's crossed such a moral horizon. i say this as a victim of sa, the weird fascination and oversaturation of rape in media and tv is almost gratuitous, an easy way to entice fear and disgust in the viewer while simultaneously being something people fetishize and exploit. trauma should not be used like that. pain should not be used like that, especially pain in the nature of sa. it doesn't fit in homelander's arc or just the person he is that he would rape anyone, but sometimes i feel bad for thinking that way. i wish the writers took a more delicate care of how they handled these characters and themes, because now you can't erase it, only amend it :(

i'm right there with you! the way rape and sa are used in media is almost always so flippant and careless (and often purely for shock value :/ ). i honestly feel that if your story does include rape or sa, it should be something that carries significant weight and resonates throughout the narrative.

and weirdly, the boys has the perfect setup to accomplish this, considering that along with a-train running through robin, homelander and becca's encounter is the inciting event of the show. but the whole plot line was just so badly mishandled, it's astounding. there's the obvious problem that any analysis of homelander that goes beyond "evil man do evil things" will point to the fact that this was out-of-character for him. it's equally horrible that the writers squandered any opportunity they had to make becca her own character. (i HATED her season 1 flashbacks that presented her as nothing but the object of billy's affections. i stupidly believed season 2 would fix this once she was revealed to be alive, only for her to be wasted in all 8 episodes. seriously, i laughed in 2.08 when the boys fell in love with becca two seconds after meeting her because it seemed like such a lazy, last-ditch attempt to get us to appreciate her right before she died. it was literally one of the most egregious examples of "tell, not show" i've witnessed in recent memory.) i even read that kripke and the writers deliberately framed the s1 plotline to be ambiguous, so that viewers would question whether becca was raped... which is awful for all sorts of reasons. 

and i apologize in advance for this tangent, but -- i absolutely DESPISED the way they referenced starlight's sa in season 3. it seriously seems like one of the writers had just learned the term "mouth rape" and wanted to squeeze it into every conversation possible. i understand people can be extremely crude and disrespectful while referencing something of this nature in real life, but i think they had three different people use this exact phrasing in multiple eps. it felt super inauthentic and i'm seriously questioning what happened in the writers room this season because if you compare these conversations to starlight speaking up about her sa in s1... there's a world of difference. (i also have a lot of thoughts about how they've been playing out the gimmick of the deep/sea creatures but that's for another post)

i also completely understand what you mean about feeling bad for even questioning whether this is in-character for homelander -- i've wondered that too. in real life, the line of thinking that "this person can't be a rapist because it doesn't fit with my view of them" is insensitive and naïve, because we don't ever know the whole of a person. crucially, this is where fictional characters are different, because we do know them -- in the sense that the character is the sum of what is presented to us on page or on screen.

homelander is still my favourite character, mostly because i subscribe to the idea that you can take what you like from canon and leave the rest. but aghhh it's incredibly frustrating because it would have been so easy to not do it this way and come out with an even better story as a result.

[cosmictulips]

Miss Tulips, I'm here to rant. But I'll keep it short. I have no friends lol. Okay that's not true. I have disorganised attachment style and I knew I was avoidant but I didn't find specific details until recently. I'm fearful avoidant. It's just so freaking hard to be vulnerable, to ask for help etc. But I try. I didn't do that before but now I atleast try. But the way I'm trying goes unnoticed even by those who are aware of who I am. It's so frustrating. Especially because I spent hours talking to my friends and listening to them, trying to be there as much as I can emotionally even when I'm clueless most of the time. But for me, there's no such person. There's no one I can approach. Everybody is busy. Or even if I say or attempt to say something, I end up feeling worse after I get ignored. And people don't even realise this. I might straight away say that I'm having a shitty week and I can't deal with my head, I still don't get the care I'm reaching out for. But again, even if that makes me super frustrated and I feel emotionally weak to deal with myself, I think I would still feel awkward if I did get the care. But at this point I'm also like, someone please hug me. Avoiding doesn't happen a lot cuz there's no one to avoid. Everyone is already away. I started looking up support groups online. I lose interest immediately after I find anything related to it tho. It's like I'm just too tired to explain myself. And there's no one in my life that is concerned enough to understand me.

Hello Star Cadet!

I can't keep this private and i really want to respond so if you message me about deleting it, don't feel bad, I just want to share with you my thoughts. maybe they'll help, maybe they won't. I know when I rant, sometimes I just need to hear the echo chamber lmao. so take everything I say with a grain of salt!

While I'm applauding you for finding out your attachment style,and while I also think this plays a part, I don't think it's the full story.

I think -and I'm choosing my words carefully here because I don't want to lead you astray and I don't fully understand the whole situation -

I think a couple of things need to happen.

You need to address this attachment style. it's hard, but I think through therapy and learning healthy coping mechanisms, you'll be better able to handle yourself. and that's what is most important here because

You need to find better people to surround yourself with.

Two can't really be done until you address the number one. You have needs that need to be met and no one is meeting them. make sure you know what those needs are number one. number two, perhaps try to change the way you speak of those needs. perhaps being more straight forward will work, perhaps simply figuring them out so that way others can follow suit.

Like if you need to vent to someone, and you don't like venting to this one person because they always try to fix things for you, perhaps that's just a boundary that needs to be set. say , hey, I appreciate you trying to fix my problems, but I just need someone to throw stuff at and help me release things. I don't need answers.

You know what I'm saying?

And then lets say you have made those changes in number one. this is where you'll have to start addressing that attachment style and bring new people in. from what I've learned recently, people will always hold their perception of you that will give them the biggest source of power over you. especially if they've known you for a long time. it's why it's hard to assert boundaries in a relationship that you've had for awhile. change doesn't come easy to ... humans. period. anyway---

You may have to change the company you keep. and that's easier said than done. you'll want to go back to them, find comfort in them. but you're saying it yourself, they don't really care about you. and as you try to grow and deal with things, you're only going to get further away from them.

so, once you address number one. try finding new people. in fact, if you're anything like me, new people will just come to you. a friend of mine said recently that she notices that I make a new friend every couple of months lmao. and it's funny because I've been trying to make more of these changes within me as well. asserting boundaries and figuring out what I need in relationships.

Meet people the way they are meeting you. if they say they are busy but expect you to be there 24/7, well don't. but if you both can open those lines of communication, grow that connection.

I can go on and on but this answer is long enough and like I mentioned earlier, I don't know the full context. I hope this helps in some way and if you want me to delete it, feel free to reach out!

[kenthenugget]

Adobe Broke Photoshop in 2023 (October Update)

Back in July, I made a post detailing how bad Photoshop has gotten for me this year, which you can read here. But if you want a tldr version of it, following new years Photoshop stability and reliability has taken a nose dive with constant crashes that prevent auto recover from being as effective to glitches that make working in it a nightmare. Its been over 3 months since I made that post and I kinda wanted to do an update on how photoshop has been. Has it actually gotten better? Kind of but not really. In some ways, its gotten better, in others worse but generally not much has changed. I guess two positives that come to mind is that one of the afformention glitches I noted was patched up at some point in July, so I was able to update finally. Though, I didnt experience the backlash from not updating photoshop like I had in March (fuck you Adobe). And I havent been experiencing the left click lock as much, although thats more to do with me not doing certian commands that I found could trigger it than adobe actually being a good company and fixing it. There's a thread on the adobe forums about this issue, and according to one of most recent posts as of the 22nd, they run a photo company and have called Adobe support 5 times about this issue, and it seems that no one at Adobe knows about this glitch. Yes a billion dollar company who sells programs at inflated prices because they're "industry standard" knows nothing about a single bug that has been in the program for 6 months, but will gladly add in new features no one will use.

Now when I say things got worse, crashes started happening more frequently again in late September and Early October. But instead of happening weekly, they happened almost every fucking day. One day I would have a crash, the next day nothing would happen, before a crash happening the following day. And what was more crushing about this was that it happened while I was dealing with selections and flatting comic pages... whats funny about this is that not only can selections not be recovered if you close the file (even if you save), but can only be saved by pressing a seperate save button which has no keyboard commands. Which made these crashes more horrible than if I had been inking or sketching. Once again, I consulted the Adobe forums for help and once again, the solution was to update my gpu driver which was out of date. I don't think its the fact that I had already done this and nor that somehow, the driver I had been using since March was already out of date by September that makes this situation so ridiculous. But its the fact that I've pretty much had to bend over to change my pc just so I could run photoshop within the same year. In contrast to how things were before 2023 where I didn't have to do a single thing and photoshop ran fine. Its only this year that for some divine reason that the program decided to be shit to me.

So why was I still using it if it was so bad? It was because of my first Chapter. Around the time I had that initial post, I was still hard at work on finishing my comic's first Chapter which has taken me 4 years to complete. I had anticipated getting it done around that time, but due to burn out I ended up taking much longer, finishing it on October 13th. During those final few months, I decided that upon finish Chapter 1, I would be done with photoshop and moving onto a different art program for the rest of my comic. And that program ended up being Clip Studio Paint which I got as an early birthday present from my dad, following photoshop crashing on me two times in that day, the latter happening an hour after I took a break to calm myself down after the first crash....I wish I was making that up. I went with CSP due to the fact that most tapas artists I know use it and because of the many good things they've said about it. Its a pretty highly regarded program, and even if my motive for buying it wasn't because of Photoshop's "quirks", it has features that make producing comics much faster in CSP than in photoshop. So with CSP in my hands, you'd think the nightmare would be over, right?

You so, my plan was to use CSP for my comic starting with Chapter 2 but after spending some time in the program, I realized I probably wouldn't be knowledgeable enough or adapted to it enough just in time for me to start drawing Chapter 2 with a release date of early 2024. So in the end, I decided to wait until Chapter 3 to make the switch, while limiting myself to CSP for spur of the moment drawing ideas and illustrations. Yes, Photoshop has been a complete failure to me but I am way more experienced with it than with Clip Studio. I dont want there to be a potential quality drop following the most recent episode and I want to be sure I can use it before jumping into creating comics. This isnt like the switch from traditional to digital for my comic back in 2021, because I had already had more than a years worth of experience with photoshop and digital drawing by that time. Because of that, the switch wasn't as rough as it would've been if I had done it earlier. I was going to save this announcement for one my kofi 'comic corner' blogs (btw if you want to support me on kofi click here: https://ko-fi.com/kenthenugget) but Im making this post now so why the hell not. But for the time being, Im still going to be using photoshop for Chapter 2, and my character sheets of course. Given how long I spent on Chapter 1, you might think Im crazy for wanting to use the program for another 4 years but I don't anticipate this chapter taking as long, due to skill and because its much shorter in comparison.

Im not going to lie, I have mixed feelings on continuing to use Photoshop for my comic. On one hand, Im glad I wont need to worry about a potential quality drop but on the other, I dont know how long I can handle crashes and glitches that only seem to persist as time goes on. I'll just pray to God to give me strength during the drawing of Chapter 2 once I finish thumbnailing. Hopefully, I and photoshop will be able to last.....

[the-firebird69]

I'm coming up with an idea and how to stop this idiot no we're using tons of systems

The sun is a good question we took a factory over let's try to sassy with his own stuff what's her reaction

The truth is we know what it is we've done it hundreds of times well a lot more they come running faster than you can blink they hate each other more than anyone I'm getting rid of tons of them. It actually works very very well and it's kind of one of the best operations I've ever seen so we're launching tons of where his factories are left in order to take the factories so many left you should have them on a few days putting in castles too nice big huge ones we have pretty much all the bases the time and the tunnel systems below we're taking all the ships out and feel them with our own fuel so nobody's going to ever know if it's ready or not wouldn't have that much competition in many areas it's going to pull it out to get power you really need to we already retrofitted as a requested earlier there's a number of things that we should mention our son has been staring down tons of people everyday it would make a lot of people sick he's enduring a lot of talk that makes even the most elder Mac nauseous and none of these trumpsters can take it they come in here they've had enough after a few minutes Trump himself sat there and he got so demented and he went around shooting people and they shot him dead I want to connect commend him for the job well done and he said Hera as well and that he's getting support but it accepts my gracious offer and appreciates the recognition and someday he'll try and harass me so I can say I did it too now it's just kidding and he says that I'm in here and I get the same treatment it's absolutely true it makes you want to vomit but we know what we do to them and he's sitting there not not really seeing it but he knows they're dying cuz an Epson flows then nothing and he says it doesn't really match up with what people would think it it does tons of them die and they become assholes for a while it's ridiculous it is backwards so I'm sending it in and we're going to take care of a lot of problems here right now is a ridiculous number of threats going out we're going to take care of all of them we also have areas where shutting everything down and we're shuttering I'm going to take care of them idiots does it keep going after businesses once you close them up they're going to go after him in a whole bunch of whole bunch of them so putting stars out and units that usually handle it the Stars will attract more and we want them all in all the crazies. You're a good deal of work my son has done a great job he's in kind of a fix because everyone's being a huge a****** we need to shut them down nobody deserves this kind of treatment especially someone has done this kind of work they're going to have to shut up they're going to have to stop with their ass faces too like this guy I'm dead permanently there's no right to do that and that a****** anybody else doing it I can't understand it we can you're suicidal will take care of business

Collier county those guy named Hernandez who's shooting in a car because it was a trumpster who invited him just trying to put him in jail and to Dan it is him and he wants to put him there to take a spot inside of him to do it so the judge should be in jail

Thor Freya we're working on this very diligently here it's a lot of stuff to do and a lot of things to get out of the way but we've moved mountains recently and we should be able to handle it

Most shattered over in we only have several outstanding Russia which is a problem but we're doing it on the inside and some on the outside so he says and we're working on a lot of things we could do also Georgia and Pennsylvania shattered on there are two 200s well and one 300 and George's is won $300 and those are killers and the one 400 and that one's in Malaysia and it still has iron in there are two more in Iceland two 200s and multiple 50s and we're working on all of this and he says to pick one there goes a team and we're going to clear it all up and we should go fix up the Malaysian winner we're invited because they helped a lot and he says yes and you'll see it's quite a war tons of trumps too for real well if they know where they're going to flow in not just a normal contingent level force of ours so we're preparing it and there are tons of them there already and we're moving in to China to the one in Malaysia actually not China and China is almost complete and we are going to coordinate off it's a huge Force that we're dropping there will increase it as necessary we're also going to focus on Russia because it's so big and that's due to security reasons and the Mediterranean because it's very large and the others are below 400 and that is unfortunately what we have to do is priority and we're going to do that now

Thor Freya

We appreciate your help and kindness and usefulness and we're going to repay you soon and we know what you're saying we need to do the mission and I'll get paid by doing that and I'd like to go to Utah he says and that's really what you have to do and we know you need funding and these people are all driving their feet and it's going to cost them dearly

Apollo and goddess wife

You finally said it right for Christ's sake

Hera and I'm just signing my name Zeus

[jumoonjae]

Feelings

Pairings: Reader x Hyunjae x Q

Genre: Angst x Fluff

Warnings: None

Summary: A story of a love triangle (not really)

Having a guy as your best friend can really be tricky sometimes because when you're both single, you spent almost every time together and you somehow unconsciously developing feeling for him. It get worst when you enrolled to the same college right after high school. It was okay at the first two or three semester, you had each other by your side through thick and thin, knowing more every little thing about each other just like the back of your hand which resulting you to fell harder for him. Your biggest mistake was you were sure he'll never slip off from your finger.

But he did.

And you let him.

You felt the painful prick inside in every flesh of your heart just by the sight of his beautiful glimmering eyes every single time she walks by. You swallowed the pain that is in the form of a thorn and pretend you're not affected by it at all, and you thanked heaven for blessing you with the art of hiding your true feeling for him. You even encourage him to make a move on her just to make you facade more believable.

What a fool.

Because it was the only way for you to keep him as your best friend at least, just to keep him close to you even if he doesn't like you the way you like him. But how wrong you are.

He made a move to talk to her and she seems to be interested too. But then again who doesn't, Changmin is one of the most talented and charming person in the campus, everyone loves him even the lecturer. In no time, they were together, they were lover and you had to watch every single day he hold her like the way you always crave for, the affection, the looks and the kiss. But you smiled anyway, each time you met his eyes, or hers. She became your friend too, you couldn't hate her at all.

“I’m fine.” You lied one day when he hesitated to run straight to her or stay with you by the time she came into the view at the cafeteria.

“Go ahead spend time with your girlfriend.” You said nudging him with a smile.

“I’ll call you tonight.” He ruffles your hair with an apologetic frown which you shake your head to and he run to her while she waved at you so innocently and you waved back with the sincerest smile you could pull even when your heart dropped down to your stomach leaving it's place painfully empty.

He didn't call that night. Or texted. The frequent chatting and long conversation between you two started to die down until he barely contact you anymore. You missed him, but there's nothing you could do to have him back. There is nothing you can do.

Each day he spend his free time with her and barely had any time with you anymore. but you didn't want him to feel bad so you started to hang out with other people even if its never the same like when you're with him, it will never be the same. but you need to accept the fact that you couldn't keep him for yourself anymore, you want him to be happy even if its not with you, even if his happiness breaks your heart.

You need to let go because all those late night conversation that you both been sharing, all his problems that you can't fix for him, all his inner battle that never seems to settled. You think maybe she could help to put it to ease because you know you can't. if you could, you wouldn't have heard the same ranting every night. So you keep your distance with him just so you wont break his relationship, so you wont take away their happiness.

“That’s nice.” You heard someone spoke from your back as you done putting up the pictures you took as told by your mentor at the bulletin board where all the art student displayed their work. You look back and saw a tall guy admiring your work and you step back a little to stand next doing the same thing. It was the picture you took at the Han river during your night walk alone.

“Is this yours?” he asked pointing to the picture glancing at you then back to it.

“yeah.” You answered simply, looking at the still picture of the city lights taken by the bridge with blurry passer by.

“It feels so lonely, but peaceful at the same time.” He spoke and you smiled looking down, it was true what he said, you felt so lonely but is somehow made you feel calm that you thought maybe letting him go was the right thing. He's never been yours from the start.

“I'm Hyunjae by the way.” He held out his hand and you look up to his face which had the sweetest smile on that made you smile back and took his hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

Hyunjae took no time to be your friend, he was easy to talk to and you love his company. Slowly, you manage to bury your feeling for Changmin deeper day by day and Hyunjae did so much to replace him. Somehow he did it, he didn't have anything in common with Changmin but you like the challenge of knowing him anyway, it was always new thing every day, a pleasant surprise.

“Y/N.” Hyunjae chirped startling you in the process and he laugh at the way you flustered making you hit his shoulder lightly.

“What are you doing?” He asked taking a seat next to you at the cafeteria.

“Nothing, just editing these.” You pull the side of your laptop a little to show him your work and he lean over to take a closer look.

“You really are a talented photographer.” He complimented making you pushed his shoulder bashfully.

“hey i was wondering.” He leaned back to his seat pondering with his words, looking down to his hands while you paid full attention to him.

“I've got ticket for next week music festival.”

“Really? I didn't manage to get mine though, they've sold out weeks ago.” You frowned

“I got two ticket you know. So.. maybe.. you want to come with me?” you laughed at the way he adorably dragging his words and he grinned sheepishly.

“I’d love to.” You smiled and he did too staring into your eyes for a while before looking away bashfully. He had completely filled the void and help you put back you heart into its place, ready to love again. But you wait. You wait for it to heal perfectly so you can love Hyunjae with all of it without having Changmin ever crossing your mind anymore.

“You’re going with who?” 

Changmin voice raised a little when you told him you're going to the music festival with Hyunjae. Its been a while since you both get to spend time with each other, you were finally feeling genuinely fine by it now that you have Hyunjae by your side. Its already the music festival week and Changmin probably didn’t want you to feel left out so he ask you to come along with his girlfriend. But when you said you already have a date, he was a little mad making you wondering, giving the sparks of feeling for him that you buried deep down a light. A dim light, but enough for it to slowly crawling back to the surface, but you ignore it.

“Why?” You asked, still walking a step ahead from him to the cafeteria.

“Since when do you became close with him?”

“Just recently, wait. It think its been two months.” You shrugged and he exhaled.

“Do you like him?” He asked suddenly making you stop on your track stepping a little to the side before turning back to look at him questioningly. You were actually asking him mentally ‘Are you jealous?’ but another word came out instead.

“He's a nice guy and what's wrong with that?”

“Be honest, you hang out with him just because i started dating aren't you?” you were taken aback a little by his words. It was true at first, you were hanging out with Hyunjae so you didn't feel empty anymore. But when time passed, he's been growing so much in you and you're started to fall for him. 

“What? No Ji Changmin, as far as I could remember I have the right to date anyone I want my friend.”

“What?” He raised his voice again and you hissed at him playfully rolling your eyes.

“Hey.” You heard Hyunjae from the back snaking his hands around your waist pulling you close to him until your back touches his front and you look up to him instantly with a big smile.

“Hey you.” You coos ignoring Changmin who was crossing his arms on his chest in annoyance by the sight of Hyunjae hands casually touch you.

“I’ll pick you up tonight at eight okay.” He smiled sweetly making the butterflies inside you to rise full with pride.

“Alright I see you tonight.” You touch his shoulder trailing your hand down to his chest as he peck your cheek before letting him run to his friends. You look back to Changmin who was raising his eyebrow.

“What?” you chuckle continue walking to the cafeteria.

“I don't like him.” He stated

“that’s not nice Changmin, you barely know the guy.”

“its just been two month and he already being touchy with you and you let him kiss you.”

“It just a peck Changmin. Stop being over protective.” You shake your head trying to laugh him off.

“And besides, two month is enough even for us to sleep together.” You shrugged making his eyes widen in pure shock at your words.

“You what?!”

“I was just kidding you idiot.”

It has been full three month since Hyunjae first talked to you and you decided to confess to him. Your feeling for him was crystal clear and you had no doubt about his feeling for you. He had untie the tight knot that was constantly pulled every time you saw Changmin with his girlfriend until you felt nothing but happy for them. 

In those three months, Changmin had slowly fades from you even when he was right in front of you or when they were standing in the same room, the first who catches you attention was no longer Changmin, it was Hyunjae. You were lying if the feeling for him had completely gone, but your feeling for Hyunjae were much more prominent and you were happy

“Are you going to the trip to see the cherry blossom?” Hyunjae asked when you both were having lunch at your usual spot at the cafeteria.

“I think so.” You answered still checking the picture you took leaving your food untouched.

“Yah, enough with the camera.” He whined attempting to take the camera away from your hand but you saw what he was going to do and turn your back on him with a giggle.

“Wait, I need to delete some picture first or else I’m going to forget which one to delete.” You reason out stopping him from taking it away.

“let me see then.” He leaned his chin on your shoulder and you showed it to him one by one.

“No don’t delete that, its beautiful.” He pointed out at the picture of the blurry crowd you took while you both was walking down the Itaewon streets and you looked to your side until your lips almost brushed his cheek, but he backed away just enough to give you space to turn your body.

“Its kind a blurry don't you think?” You showed a few picture with the same scenery until your head bumped into each other when you lean in trying to show him and you both laughed. his hand caressed the spot where his head had bumped.

“You always took a blurry picture and its nice, its your style, or signature.” He said while patting your head and you smile at him, thanking him for his sweet words.

“You want to go with me?” He asked again since you didn’t answer him yet, and you chuckle looking up to him, he was smiling like an angel waiting for you to answer.

“Who else am i going with.” You smiled and he smile back giddily crushing you with his bear hug.

“But why did you sounds like i am the only option? What about your friends?” he asked pulling his body away for a little with a frown.

“If you want me to go with them, then i’ll go with them.” You shrugged making him whined.

“no. I was just asking.” He pulled you back to his hug and you giggled ruffling his hair.

“I’m planning to take my mom’s car so we wont have to rush the bus and trains.” He let you go, pulling your food closer to you gesturing you to start eating and you complied by placing your camera on the table.

“What? Its going to more exciting taking trains and bus with other students don’t you think?” you suggested, imagining you taking picture of people having fun in the train.

“Hadong is a huge place, the last bus going to leave at six. You think its enough time? Besides i want to watch the stars from there, they said the sky is the prettiest there during the night.”

“We can spend the night there and catch the bus next morning.” You suggested making him stop mixing his rice looking at you all flustered.

“What?” you teased bumping your shoulder into his.

“If you okay with it then why not.” He scratch the back of his head nervously and a big smile creep on your face just by the sight of his giddiness. You turn back to your food and ate in silence with him doing the same. He really had been growing so much in you.

Far back from the corner of the cafeteria, there stood Changmin witnessing everything that tug something painful inside of him. He shake the feeling away and walked to the opposite side of your spot sitting with his back facing you and Hyunjae trying so hard to ignore the growing pain inside of him.

The long ride to Hadong was fun just like you imagined, all the students starts singing out of no where using anything as an instrument and you had a good laugh when some of then cracking the most stupid joke. You took some picture here and there and the result came out well. You and Hyunjae took extra clothes just as planned to spend the night and you really excited to see the whole thing.

It was beautiful, the place was filled with pink cherry blossom blooming beautifully and the way the flower flew when the wind blow just like a snow. Cherry blossom snow. It really felt like a movie with you standing under a cherry blossom tree with Hyunjae holding your waist while you taking picture. He will rest his chin on your shoulder everytime you show the result to him. If you had to describe how your feeling for Hyunjae, you will call it a blooming cheery blossoms. 

“watch your step, there’s plenty of rocks and pebbles along the way.” He said handing you your twisted potato after helping you settles on the bench not far from where you both were standing.

You both walked until the end of the cherry blossom path where you saw a river and there's a kayak booth which you pull Hyunjae sleeves running a little in excitement, wanting to give it a try with Hyunjae giggling while being dragged by you.

But a voice stopped you from running, it was a familiar voice. You look back to see Changmin and his girlfriend rushing to both of you.

“What in the hell are you doing?” he huffed annoyingly at you not even sparing any look to your boyfriend and you were offended by the way he spoke.

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“you missed the bus.”

“And you're not?” You spat back annoyingly taking a step forward, your eyebrow twitched and he scoffed at your response thickening the tension between both of you.

He was beginning to get into your nerve since you started to date Hyunjae. 

“We were there at the bus but he insisted waiting for both of you.” His girlfriend explained and you couldn't help to feel bad for her.

“We were planning to stay the night.” Hyunjae stepped forward pulling you back closer to him and you noticed the frown on Changmin's face when he did that. Was that jealousy? Had he figured that he had feelings for you too? But Hyunjae's grip on your arm pulled you out from that thoughts and you look back to him pressing your lips into a thin line, forming a smile.

“We will take the first bus tomorrow morning.” You said to Changmin's girlfriend trying to assure her by rubbing her arm and she nod with a smile.

“Okay where are you going to crash for tonight?” changmin spat with his annoying tone that really got into your nerve.

“I’ve booked a place for us, but i'm sure they have more place.”

“We should stick together.”

“Fine.”

For the first time in your life, you feel annoyed by Changmin's presence where he constantly interfere any attempted affection that you and Hyunjae trying to make while he trying to show off his own with his girlfriend which end up annoying her too.

“We should stop by the store first.” Hyunjae suggested and you nod while waiting for the bus to the motel.

“I'm tired, can we just go straight to the motel.” Changmin whined and you rolled your eyes shooting him an annoyed look and he just shrugged.

“you two can check in first, they had some place for barbeque at the garden by the hotel and we were planning to have one while watching the stars.” You told his girlfriend and she looked excited.

“So romantic.” she coos and you lean your shoulder to Hyunjae who was smiling at you.

“They said the night sky are the best here.” He throw his hand on your shoulder pulling you closer to him letting you snuggles to his chest.

“You can join us if you want.” he suggested to Changmin and his girlfriend which you shot him a look with a frown.

“What? Its going to be fun and i can get to know your best friend more.” He whispered and you melted at the way how hard he tried to get close to your best friend.

“Thank you.” You caress his hands with your thumb smiling up to him and he smiles back like he always did. 

The night went well, but the conversation was mainly between you and Hyunjae while Changmin and his girlfriend seems to fall into silence only talk when being asked. You stop Hyunjae from trying to get close to Changmin by snuggling with him under the blanket where you brought just for the occasion while watching the stars.

You admired him while he was admiring the scattered stars up in the sky, looking at it like he was in love with it just like you're in love with him.

“Y/N can you walk me to my room for a while?” Changmin snaps you away from the most beautiful view and you sighed. He was tipsy from drinking a little too much and you could tell.

“Its okay, I'll clean this up and meet you at the room right after.” Hyunjae said helping you getting up and you nod letting him peck your forehead before leading Changmin into the building.

“Are you going to sleep with him?” Changmin asked suddenly after you both were inside the building.

“Yes.” You answered in a heartbeat even if you don't know whether Hyunjae is having the same idea with you, but you admit it anyway just so Changmin will stop bothering you.

“If i told you not to would you listen to me?” he stop walking making you stop turning your body fully to face him.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” He said, petrifying you with his words, it was the word you had been waiting for years, a words that you always pray for so he will uttered it to you one day. a word that you’ve been dying to hear. 

But that was before, that was you dream before Hyunjae and you were glad that it doesn't affect you like the way you thought it will be.

“I know you love me too. I know you love me since so long and i'm sorry for pretending that i didn't see it.” He took a few step closer to you but you didn't flinch. There were disappointment, but it doesn’t matter to you anymore. you didn’t care why he didn't do anything about it and keep it to himself. but you were curious.

“Why did you date her if you knew?”

“Because i thought i didn't feel the same way.” You exhaled at his answer looking down not knowing what to say or what to do with that information. But then he lift your chin with his index finger and leaned closer to kiss you.

You let him kiss you not knowing there's a pair of eyes that has been witnessing everything. When you kissed Changmin back, he shut his eyes only to see you smile to the kiss the moment he open his eyes. Couldn’t bear the pain in his chest anymore, he walked away from the scene.

“Changmin we had our chance.” You slowly push his body away from you, pulling yourself away from the dizzying kiss. It put your mind into a great mess, that your mind keeps buzzing like a static radio. but when other thing was blurry and hazy, one thing that stood out so clear, just like the picture you always took. it was your feeling for Hyunjae.

“Y/N please.” He took your hand placing it on his chest.

“You had your chance in all those years to confess but you didn't.” You let go of his hands holding your own.

“I'm not blaming you entirely because its my fault too for being a coward. But we had our chance Changmin, and we blew it.”

“and i'm in love with somebody else.”

“i’m in love with Hyunjae.”

“He saw us kissed.”

“No.”

“He just left.”

“You asshole. It was intentional wasn't it?”

“I just had to.”

“Hyunjae.” You called softly after entering the room that you both shared. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down to his hands. Nervousness starting to creep inside you by the sight and the silence from him. You stood there by the door looking down at your feet, hands fidgeting with the rim of your dress.

“You should sleep, we need to catch the first bus in the morning.” He said standing up with blanket on his hands walking to the couch just right next to the bed without looking at you. But you didn’t budge, still looking down like a kid getting scolded by their parents for causing a big trouble.

You bit your lips hard when tears starts to brimmed in your eyes. You didn’t even dare to blink, not wanting the tears to fall.

“I’m tired, can you turn off the light please.” He said and you look up to where he already lay down, covering his body using the blanket, his back facing you. You hold your sniffles and do as told leaving the room in pitch black.

“Hyunjae.” Your voice cracked and you swallow hard to make it easier your you to speak.

“I-I am so-”

“I’m tired Y/N. Please, let me rest. Its been a long day.” He cut your words, but not sharp enough. But it still hurts you. It hurts you because you hurt him and you didn’t even know how to explain.

With the help of the lights peeking through the window, you slowly walked to your bag and take your clean clothes and toiletries.

You turn on the shower letting the warm water run down your skin while you stood there looking into spaces not long before you break down, covering your mouth not wanting to be heard by him. It was the longest you ever cried, longer than the day Changmin asked his girlfriend out. It was even longer than when you bid your goodbye to your parents at the airport.

God, how much you love him, and now you’re losing him.

Hyunjae haven't spoke a word to you since the bus ride back to the city and you didn't dare to speak to him either. The ride was awfully silent and you could hear Changmin and his girlfriend giggled from the back seat. You couldn't help to think that they were mocking you both but you know they weren't. You suddenly feels empty without Hyunjae's constantly touching you like he always did when he's being excited over something or just feeling like touching you, or teasing you. He didn't even whined when you too immersed into the picture you took with your camera. You felt emptier than the time Changmin left you.

You didn't blame him for cutting every connection between you two after breaking up with you over a text and let you fall back to the loneliness. You didn't blame Changmin for not even consoling you after he heard the news of your break up with Hyunjae. You blame yourself for being you, you blame yourself for existing, for hurting people who had no other intention but to love you and you deserve the resentment that you get from him. You blame yourself for not figuring out your feelings for Hyunjae and didn't try hard enough to make him stay.

You were back to zero, alone at the cafeteria watching people and love birds walking around then get back to your pictures on your laptop ignoring the painful void inside of your heart.

You bumped into him the day after the break up, you didn't look away when you both walk past each other at the hall, neither did him. But he seems to had those indifferent look as soon as his eyes laid on you and you try hard not to show too much emotion when he's around. But it was hard, because you always saw him even when you’re not looking.

“Y/N, the portfolio that you emailed me. It was perfect. The four season portfolio.” Your mentor spoke when he saw you just about started to pack your things while your other class mate had already left. Its your routine since the break up, so you wont bumping into Hyunjae because your afternoon class always ends at the same time as his.

“It wasn't complete yet Mr Yoon. I was waiting for your feedback for anything that i should fix or re-edit.” You look up to him slinging your bag on your shoulder.

“I’ll send you my feedback later.” He said and you give him a bow. 

“Y/N, I was wondering.” Mr. Yoon voice stopped you from turning on your heels and you look at him. waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“have you been fine these day?” He asked leaning his back on the desk, crossing his arm on his chest.

“Yes. Why do you ask Mr.Yoon?”

“I knew you're running a photography blog for a long time, i have to admit it was wonderful and i even think that some of the photo you posted there should have come in with the portfolio. But you recent photo, they seems lonely.” He stop when you looked down. He must have seen your blog update, but you didn't know that it was obvious. He's your mentor and also one of the psychology professor that taught about behavior, of course he could see it.

“I’m fine Mr.Yoon.” you finally look up to him with a forced smile. “Its just life-” your breath hitched and you swallowed hard trying not to choke on your own words.

“Its just life, those ups and down.” You inhaled looking back down avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t let yourself dwell too long in it Y/N. Its okay to look back sometimes, it hard. Even if our shoes don't fit, we had our own obstacle in life, we have our own way to move on. But i hope you'll cope.” You smile to his words before bowing to him as he bid you goodbye.

You went to Itaewon alone that night taking the path that both of you and Hyunjae had been taking, tracing back all the fond memories that you shared. You even went back to Hadong alone on the weekend doing the same thing you did with him, taking picture of empty spot where it used to be filled by him. It was sad. But you need to cope. Once you had your best friend, then you have Hyunjae. But when they both left, you had nothing. Only their memories. But the most prominent one is Hyunjae's. You want to relive them for the last time before moving on.

Its the hardest every time he saw you smiling and laughing at your friend's joke. He missed that and he still want to be the one who make you laugh. He hate you for being happy right after the break up, did you really moved on that fast? Did you really don't have any feeling for him? Or did you really using him to get back to Changmin?

But there were also time when he saw you sitting alone at the cafeteria, watching people walks by with sad eyes before going back to your laptop or your camera leaving your food untouched and it made his stomach sinks in guilt. The sight take him back to the night where he heard your sniffles echoes inside the bathroom that the sound of the shower couldn’t hide.

You loved someone else and its no point to keep you if your heart is unobtainable from the start.

“Hyung, why did you break up with Y/N?” Juyeon asked when he saw you walk into the cafeteria alone with your hands full with books and headphones on. He didn't want to answer that question. He's been dreading to answer when everyone asked, he's tired of hearing people saying that you both look good together and all.

“We're taking a break.”

Its the only thing he could came up with without humiliating you or him. Its sounds like he was expecting you to come back to him, it was an open answer, it was a message for you maybe one day when you heard what he said regarding your relationship, maybe. Just maybe you change your mind and come back to him.

It was pathetic and he know it, but the romance was short, so short that he wanted more. While he was trying to look away from staring at you, he saw Changmin seated a few table away from where he was and he was expecting Changmin to get up and help you with the pile of books on your hand.

But instead, Changmin didn't even look up from his phone and you didn't even spare him a glance, just walking straight to the far corner of the cafeteria settling your stuff on the table, sitting down and played with your phone without looking around.

“Hyung?” Juyeon snaps him away from staring at you and stammered at the younger guy.

“Get back with her if you want to keep looking at her like that.” He stated and Hyunjae just shrugged him off.

‘Weird' he thought, he swears he saw you kissed Changmin back that night. You even smiled to the kiss, but why are you both giving each other a cold shoulder. Why aren't you both together when Changmin said he loves you and he said you love him too. It hurt him when you didn't even denied it, he hate you for kissing him when you were his girlfriend.

He heard your voice in the art studio after helping a random girl who was carrying too much of a canvas for painting she said. He stood there just like the other day when you were talking to your professor.

“Is it true that everybody dies alone?” You asked, you sounded so weak, the light in your eyes faded by each passing day. At first he thought you were still saddened by the way Changmin still with his girlfriend but when he confront Changmin one day.

“We had our chance but I blew it. She's in love with someone else.” -changmin

But that is all what he get from the guy, Changmin still didn't want to talk to him. He started to think that you love him, not Changmin. But he wasn't really sure either, if your relationships mattered to you, you should have talk him out not ignoring him, so he did the same. Ignoring you even how painful it was knowing the truth that you love him.

“Does that scares you?” Kevin asks taking your attention away from the window where you both propped your chin on your palm on one of the table nearest to the window while sitting down watching the sun sets.

“I don't want to be alone.” You whispered under your breath but it was clear, so clear that it hurts Hyunjae at your words.

“You missed him?”

“I do. So much that it hurts.”

“Why didn't you tell him the truth?”

“He saw me kissed Changmin back. If you're at his place would you listen to me when I try to explain?”

“No.”

“I’ve made myself a fool enough by kissing Changmin back.”

“Why did you kiss him back?”

“You know how I feel about him before. It was a dream to kiss him.” you chuckle while Kevin scoffed at your words.

“But the thing is, when i kissed him, i was thinking about Hyunjae as soon as i closed my eyes.” You smiled.

“Its just that, i finally know that love doesn't feel the same way with each person.”

“What do you mean”

“when i was in love with changmin it felt like home every time im with him. Maybe Its because he provides me one when i move back here during high school, he gave me something to rely on when i had no one, or when my brother was too occupied by his baseball. Then Hyunjae came when there’s a hole in my chest, my heart that once there was gone when Changmin left, Hyunjae starts to fill it again, slowly but in a beautiful way. He made me feel alive again. At first i thought it wasn't love because it felt so different from Changmin’s. But i get it now, love doesn't come with one specific shape or sizes.” You sit straight stretching your limbs leaning back to the chair to ease your back.

“Love is an abstract, you can't see it, you can't feel it but you know its there, you know it exist. it changes through times. Its like painting, you put down whenever comes through your mind freely on the canvas, sometimes it look nice and sometimes it doesn't. people might don't understands what we're trying to convey but it doesn't matter, as long as we knew what is it, what it means to us.” You smiled looking down staring at you clasped cold hand before glancing to your friend next to you and he looked disgusted, making you giggled at his expression.

“You are disgustingly in love. Tell him you idiot.” Kevin throw his head back with a grunt and you laugh him off.

“I don't know Kev, I’m just scared. I'm afraid because what I did was wrong. Its wrong kissing someone else just to figure out who do you love. Its pathetic. Stupid.” You exhaled looking back to the dark outside world, wondering what is he doing right now. Who is he with, did he replace you yet, or did he suffers just like how you did. You chuckled to the last thought thinking why would he suffers for the one who treated him just like you did.

“He probably don't like me anymore.” You wanted to say hate, but 'like' probably could hurt less when you said it out loud.

“I never said that.” You and Kevin eyes snaps wide open when you heard another voice instead of both of you echoes from the silence. You know that voice and when you saw Kevin eyes were fixed to someone at your back, you didn't dare to look back.

“Okay imma go.” Kevin took his bag and phone, standing up and was about to leave you, but you manage to get a grip on his wrist.

“Don’t you dare.” You warned but he just smile and wiggled his wrist away from your strong grip and when you let go, he pat your head with an assuring smile.

“This is your chance, don't waste it.” He stroke your hair softly, smiling to Hyunjae with a curt nod before walking to the exit leaving you both in the studio in silence.

“Sorry i didn't mean to eavesdrop.” He said voice coming closer with his footsteps and you still didn't dare to look back. Your body numbed while your heart pounded so hard that you were sure your chest could explode anytime.

“Y/N.” He called softly when he appeared in you peripheral view, kneeling right next to where you were seated, you shut your eyes tight not dare to look at him.

“Sorry I didn't give you any chance to explain.”

“Sorry.” He repeated again but you still too scared to look at him.

“would you please look at me.” You felt his touch on your cold hand and you turn your head slowly, meeting his beautiful gaze. It was different from the past few week where they were cold and uninviting. But right now, his gaze was soft, warm and pleading.

“Hyunjae.” You whispered, holding his hand and he hold yours tighter.

“Can we please start over again?” he said, almost pleading melting you

“Even after what I’ve done?” you tilt your head to the side and he smiles wider bringing his one hand to your cheek, caressing it slowly with his thumb.

“As long as you love me.” He said and if your muscle wasn't strong enough, your heart could probably explode from the happiness.

“I do.” You crashed your body into him so hard that he almost stumbled back but manage to balance his body.

“I love you so much Hyunjae and I'm sorry for being an idiot. You can kiss other girl once and i dont mind.” You pull away, with your hand still rested on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him.

“Why would i want to kiss other girl?” he frowned and you stuttered.

“Just so we can even out or-“ he didn't let you finish by capturing your lips into his own and you kiss him back in a heartbeat feeling his lips moulded perfectly into your own into a long kiss.

“Let me kiss that pretty lips everyday and we're even.” He said after pulling away to catch his breath and rest his forehead on yours and you smiled breathlessly.

"Anything for my amazing boyfriend."

A/N: This was written before ‘Kevin Moon’ and it was meant for Changmin baby but I just cant hurt my Hyunjae, I’m so sorry. Things really had been hard on me lately (mentally) but i’m trying to get back on track (writing). This is not my best work and i am not in the best shape but i hope you enjoyed this one. thank you. 

[eagles-translated]

Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 1/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

My theory is that everybody will be gathered together for some event and then shit goes down. Sort of like the ending of 1x08.

We've seen an image of Adam, Omar, and Ludde together at a party of some sort. I can't post it here because of Tumblr only allowing ten pictures, but you can find it in Ludde's prediction post that I made prior to the season 3 premiere.

Felicia might be absent from this considering how her mental health has been recently, and instead opting to stay at home rather than attending a party.

I have my suspicions that Elias will be attending this party, though. We saw him at some concert in the season 3 trailer and they made it look like he was watching Amie singing in Stockholm. But maybe Amie will be performing at this party and Elias is watching her here instead?

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed "Follow" in 1x08 and "Second Sight" in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn't be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

Maybe Elias approaches her after the performance to express how good she is. He hasn't really seen her do a live performance since 1x08, where she still hadn't really come out of her shell. They've also grown a lot closer this season. Perhaps Elias even has something more to tell her?

I can't help but feel like this party will end on a bad note, though. We have that whole thing with Andreas potentially buying a gun or whatever he's up to (discussed this more in another question down below).

I have a feeling this party is going to get interrupted in some way and that the season is going to end on a major cliffhanger.

I don't even know what they'll do with Ludde and Felicia. Ludde has no idea what happened to Felicia in these last two episodes, and I hope they'll have a conversation just to clear the air surrounding the whole press situation. Ludde still loves her even if he broke things off, and I would really like to see him reassure Felicia that the blame lies with Jack and not her. I don't think they will get back together and repeat what 2x10 did since the drama is still so fresh. Felicia shouldn't really get into a relationship right now, either.

I'm unsure about Klara. I feel like she's mostly done her part this season, but maybe things aren't completely finished between her and Elias. Maybe there were some things left unsaid on Klara's part when she met with Elias at the café, and Elias never really confirmed where he was at.

This talk regarding their relationship (and Eagles?) might happen in the season finale. I'm leaning towards them ending it for good since I doubt they will be getting back together. However, I'm pretty sure that it will be on good terms now after everything Klara did for Felicia.

I somewhat agree with this, even if it was worded a little harshly. Felicia shouldn't have been so quick to share the most personal thing that had ever happened to her on her first date with a guy she had just met. And she shouldn't have done the same thing with Jack, even if it was someone she'd known for longer.

I think she should've at least waited a while to see if the person she told her secrets to was trustworthy—sort of like Ludde did when he told Felicia the truth about how Andreas landed in prison. That's a huge secret and it made more sense to have it be shared closer to the end of the first season rather in the first three episodes.

On the other hand, I can definitely understand why she was so quick to share her problems. Felicia was really lonely when she first came to Oskarshamn. Her parents were fighting all the time, and her dad was only focused on Elias' hockey career. She carried these huge traumatic events and had nobody really supporting her when she ended up at the hospital and was sent to rehab. Felicia couldn't share the secret about her dad's affair either. She really had nobody in her life that she could talk to about any of this.

So it's reasonable that when she finally met a person who she really connected with, she felt comfortable enough to finally share these burdens she had been carrying. She actually started out by saying this to Ludde in 1x03:

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t talk about it to people.

I don't think Felicia set out to tell her whole backstory to Ludde. It just happened. I'm not saying it was the right choice, but Felicia probably realized that she desperately needed someone to talk to. And she said herself that it felt really good to just get these secrets out (until it didn't when she thought Ludde had spilled the beans to Klara). Felicia even made sure to stress to Ludde that he couldn't tell anybody about her experiences in the US.

Felicia: I don’t want this to come out, that’s really important. Ludde: Of course, I’d never tell.

A similar situation arose with Jack. Felicia was more isolated than ever and she had aborted a child that nobody knew about—not even her mom. That's a huge secret to carry on your own.

Felicia had known Jack since she was a child. She trusted him and he was a family friend. Not only that, but Jack has the ability to be incredibly charming when he wants to be. If anything, it makes more sense that Felicia told her personal things to Jack rather than to Ludde. She couldn't predict that Jack would turn out to be a cheating asshole who would leak everything in the press. It's kind of sad that Felicia would have to constantly keep quiet about all the wounds she's carrying when support from the people around her is the thing she needs and craves.

I've never said that the Kroon family's reaction to them being slandered in the press wasn't valid. I actually understood their anger and frustration quite well, but they let their emotions get the better of them. Yelling at Felicia did nothing to help the situation even though it's fair that they would direct their anger at the person who was to blame in that situation.

It wasn't pretty, and ganging up on Felicia (when her personal business had also been leaked) wasn't the best way to deal with the situation. But because their privacy was violated, I understand it. I can agree with you on that part.

It just sounds like you're implying that Felicia isn't allowed to share personal stuff at all because it would be "gifting ammo to expose her family". If Jack had actually been a decent person and never ruined her family's reputation in the press, you wouldn't be as harsh on her. The situation just got blown out of proportion for everybody.

Put these questions together since they were sort of asking the same thing regarding the last scene of 3x09. Here is the full transcript from that scene if anybody needs a reminder:

Man: Hey. Andreas: Hello. Man: Wasn’t yesterday. Welcome to the outside. Andreas: Thanks. Hey… The last time I saw you, you said you knew somebody who sells. Man: Are you thinking of a fully automatic? Andreas: Yeah, whatever. Man: There’s a guy in Stockholm. I’ll fix it. I’ll send you the number. Just tell him I sent you. Andreas: Alright, good. Got it. Man: Good. Good, see you. Andreas: See you.

It actually didn't click for me at all when I first saw this scene that Andreas could've been talking about buying a gun—my first thought was actually that he was talking about a car because I'm that stupid lmao.

Anyway, there is definitely potential for the season to end on a cliffhanger involving a gun and Andreas. I have a few theories on what the season could end like. Season 3 has been so much darker than previous seasons, so while this might feel too serious for a show like Eagles it's definitely not out of the question after the recent episodes. Anyway, here's what I think could happen.

1. The season ends with Andreas having the gun—but we don't know if he'll actually use it 2. The season ends with Andreas just about to shoot someone—but we don't know who (?) 3. The season ends with Andreas having just shot someone—but we don't know who (?)

I don't know which one of these theories I'm leaning more towards, but I really hope this won't be the outcome for Andreas. He just spent close to a year in prison for something he didn't even do. Andreas is not a criminal, and it would be disappointing if he actually ended up doing this. They could be throwing us for a loop.

I mean, personally I don't think shooting somebody because they were the reason my younger brother didn't get into his dream school is enough reason to risk ending up in prison for. Yes, Ludde got his reputation ruined, but there are other ways to solve that than to resort to crime. Andreas should know that too, considering the whole thing where he got landed in jail because he tried to protect Ludde.

This could absolutely be the case but at the same time I'm a little unsure. Hopefully things will just go up from here since the last two episodes were so dark, but I'm unsure what that last scene in 3x09 will mean for the season finale.

I hope they will do something similar to 2x10, where the ending was more bittersweet than just sour. We had the moment with Elias finally being drafted to the US and then Felicia and Ludde finally getting back together. We saw Amie achieve her dreams as a pop star. And yet there were still sour tones with us seeing Klara's dad passing away, Ludde being brought to the police station, and Amie being entirely alone and heartbroken.

2x10 was a really good episode and the ending montage gave me goosebumps the first time I saw it. I think ending a season like that, with both positives and negatives, hits you more emotionally rather than just ending on one or the other. The 1x08 season finale was really depressing and while the cliffhanger was intriguing, it didn't hit as hard for me as 2x10.

I'm kind of curious if they'll be able to top that episode—it's definitely among my personal favorites.

My stance is that if Elias and Amie won't happen in 3x10, they will be guaranteed to happen in season 4. There is no way they're passing that opportunity up. They have clear chemistry, are fan favorites, and it absolutely makes sense for them to get together considering where they're at in their journeys—both having realized their dreams but then coming back to Oskarshamn because it didn't turn out the way they thought it would.

I think they have a mutual understanding of each other—in season 3 more than ever—and it would definitely be a shame if their potential was wasted. So I can't see the writer(s) passing up that opportunity.

There is a possibility for Elias to make a move in the season 3 finale, but I think it's better to keep our expectations low. We just had Felicia go through something really traumatic and her whole family is dealing with the ramifications of Jack slandering them in the media. Elias's relationship with Amie might have to take a backseat because of that.

There's also the thing where we thought that Petra might forbid Amie from seeing Elias because the newspapers painted him as a sex addict. But I think Petra and Amie have reached an understanding in their relationship after the whole Michael thing, and I can see Petra taking Amie's word when saying that Elias isn't what the press makes him out to be—and that he's not like his father.

I really do want to see something happen between them in the season finale, though. I'm excited but impatient for Elias and Amie and I think there are many fans who feel the same way.

But there is a reason they've been so slow to develop their relationship. Elias and Amie have grown as people separately and they're at a point where I believe they're more compatible than they ever were previously. They've been building their character development, slowly but surely, and I like that they haven't been rushed together like Felicia and Ludde were.

If nothing happens between them in season 3, don't lose hope. I think season 4 will absolutely be Elias and Amie's season.

I hope so. I hope Petra isn't listening to the tabloids and tries to see what's in front of her instead, which is that Elias is not Mats.

Elias is entirely his own person. I know Petra was heartbroken when Mats left her after getting drafted, but when Elias was put into this exact situation he hesitated because he didn't want to leave Klara alone.

Klara: Elias… I don’t understand why you’re even thinking about this. Of course you’re going [to the US]. You’ve always wanted this. Right? Elias: But I don’t want to leave you.

Petra doesn't know about this, but we as the audience do. Elias's actions have always been caring and supportive (and I'm not just saying this because Elias has always been my favorite character). It should only be a matter of time until Petra realizes that, if she just gave him a chance.

I think that Petra will eventually see that Amie has finally found someone special who makes her happy. That Elias isn't at all like how Mats was at his age, or like Michael who didn't even bother to support her.

Petra has been so unlucky in love and I hope she can see through her prejudices and let her daughter be happy and loved, in the way that Petra never really got to be.

It could happen, but even if it does I don't think they will be separated for most of season 4.

Maybe Amie decides to finally take charge of her career and tells the record label that she's doing this her way or not at all. Maybe she even decides to quit to try a music career on her own terms, or with a different label that doesn't make her as successful but doesn't control her.

I never felt like the particular record label Amie ended up with was a great fit for her. Yes, she's very talented and I would love to see her become an even bigger star, but only if it's done the way Amie wants it to be done. There could be the possibility of Amie leaving the label, just like how Elias left the US.

I definitely think Felicia has picked up on Elias overworking himself. He's been at the gym constantly, even during the school field trip to Stockholm. Elias left this huge opportunity in the US to come back to Eagles, and the overworking could be a result of him feeling like he has to prove to both himself and the people around him that this decision was the right one.

They've been super subtle about this whole thing and I hope they will be discussing it properly soon instead of just giving us small snippets. There was discussion about this being an eating disorder, but I think it's leaning more towards overworking like you said and bad eating habits (in my opinion, we would need to see something more drastic before drawing the conclusion that Elias might have an eating disorder).

There's so much that needs to be brought up in the season 3 finale—like what exactly Andreas is planning and its outcome, Felicia healing after her suicide attempt and potentially having a conversation with Ludde, and maybe some sort of triangle drama between Elias and if he'll choose Klara or Amie. There are so many possibilities here that I have my suspicions that this storyline won't be fully resolved in just one episode.

I think it will be pushed forward into season 4 because that seems to make the most sense right now. I've been wrong before though, so something else could definitely happen.

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

[frecklesinoureyes-left]

Tag!

Tagged by: @kaidacreator

Rules: Tag ten people you want to know better

I tag: @charliethechocolateeater @shejustcalledmeafish @shows-up-naked-covered-in-bees Sorry if I'm bothering anyone I don't mean to, I don't know a lot of people sooooo yeah @kaidacreator too tho you're the one who tagged me XD

Height: 5 feet 6 and three quarters inches :)

Star Sign: Gemini

Put your music on shuffle. What are the first four songs that come up?

1. Stay by Rihanna

2. Apologize by One Republic

3. Bills Bills Bills (the Glee cast version lol)

4. Crystals by Of Monsters and Men

Grab the book nearest to you and turn to page 23. What's line 17?

And soon she was off on another tack: "Can you call the birds and beasts to you?" She asked.

~A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin

I haven't read it yet but I probably will eventually...

Ever had a poem or a song written about you?

Nope

When was the last time you played air guitar?

Uhh a couple months ago most likely :)

Who is your celebrity crush?

Katie McGrath definitely, and I really like Zooey Deschenel or however you spell her last name

What's a sound you hate and a sound you love?

I hate it when people cry, it makes me super upset. Like angry almost, because I can't stop them from crying and fix everything. I love the sounds of rain falling on the roof, birds chirping in the springtime, and my nice kitty cat purring.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Not really, but when I watch an episode of Supernatural and lie awake at one in the morning I'm a little more convinced

How about aliens?

Yeah! But I don't think we'll ever be able to make any kind of contact with anything

Do you drive?

Well I've got a permit, but no license yet because.... Well I dunno I'm scared of the test I guess

If so, have you ever crashed?

Nah, came close a few times though

What was the last book you read?

Well the most recent book I read was The Omnivores Dilemma, for my environmental science class, but I read The Hobbit a month ago or so which was much more fun :)

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

No, there's gonna be a fire or something that's scary

What was the last movie you saw?

In theaters, I went to see Crazy Rich Asians with @kaidacreator, but I just saw The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a week ago, which was really good.

What was the worst injury you've ever had?

Well uh I injure myself constantly because I'm a klutz, the worst was probably when I broke my leg a couple years ago though, I was setting up a treasure hunt for my little cousins and slipped on some gravel trying not to be seen

Do you have any obsessions right now?

Well I love Supernatural and Lucifer obviously, but I have just now watched all five seasons of Steven Universe in about two weeks so I think that counts.

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yeah, but only when they've really done something really mean.

In a relationship?

Um,,, yeah??? :)) My girlfriend's the nicest person I know and just absolutely wonderful. I don't smile a whole lot but I smile every time I see her. I just finished making her something which is why I took so long to post this. :)

[theotherjourney7]

“Yesterday I visited Transport House in Salford. The leaseholders there are part the next stage in the cladding crisis. But their problem isn't really what's on their building. It's what's in it. Their freeholder has told them it will cost £3m to make safe. Over £100k each.

🧵

First some backrgound.

You'll have heard about the cladding crisis. Post the catastrophe at Grenfell Tower, government regulations on cladding changed, requiring the removal of ACM cladding systems (flammable) on buildings over 18m

But cladding isn't the only issue new regs require lots of other fire safety improvements, including changes on fire cavity barriers and insulation within walls.

This is the problem Transport House faces. The leaseholders were recently sent this letter by their freeholder outlining the cost of the works. £3m.

Or £97k per flat (over £100k if you include other improvements).

There is currently no government assistance available for Transport House. The government's £1bn Building Safety Fund is only for buildings 18m or over. Transport House is 14m (5 storeys). Moreover the fund is likely to be oversubscribed and is primarily for cladding.

There has been talk about a loan scheme with costs capped at £50 a month- it hasn't yet materialised. It's a significant sum and it would take TH residents 161 years to pay it off.

The government says that freeholders should pay the costs not leaseholders- but there is no legislation to this effect. Irwell Valley, the freeholder and charity/housing association, says the leaseholders will have to pay.

Needless to say the leaseholders of Transport House cannot afford it. In many cases the £100k cost would be more than they paid for their properties in the first place. Many are shared ownership- they don't even own the flats outright, yet they're being told they must pay the entire cost, even though they bought the flats in good faith, went through all the conveyancing process etc.

As you can imagine, it's caused the leaseholders huge distress. Mandy has MS and she told me her condition has worsened considerably over the last year.

"I can't sleep. And last night I went to bed at three o'clock and I was up at six. Didn't really sleep. And it's just the constant worry is like what's going to happen tomorrow? Do I still have a home I can live in or not?"

Matt bought his flat for around £80,000 back in 2012. It was his first home, he saved and borrowed money for his parents. He's since had a daughter and wanted to buy a house. He can't because his property is now unmortgageable.

"For nearly two years I've been trapped in this situation. The apartment is worth zero. I have no control over this as a lease holder. You don't actually have any rights. You don't own a brick. You literally just lease the apartment out for a certain amount of time ...

"You're not in control of any decisions. You're not even consulted with by the freeholder. We have no power over anything they are doing, but we are the ones who are going to face these bills."

Matt is an NHS lab assistant- he earns £22k a year- there's no hope of paying.

Irwell Valley insists the letter does not amount to a bill but instead an attempt to level with leaseholders and that they're determined to work with them to find a solution. Their Chief Exec told me: "We're doing this because we want to be satisfied that every building that..."

"every building we own, either a building that we rent or in this case where we have the freeholder, that the residents of those buildings are safe in their buildings and that the buildings meet current fire safety regulations."

She said she thinks the government should step in.

She reiterated her "empathy" and "sympathy"- that said I asked her repeatedly if she could guarantee no-one would lose their home over this, that her organisation would not play any part in removing someone. She couldn't give me that assurance.

Meanwhile, the statute of limitations has expired for the developer. IV says that the building met all building regs in 2005.

So looks like the government, freeholder and developer isn't going to pay- despite the fact they all had a role in regulation or construction of a building which isn't safe. The leaseholders did not but they're being left with the cost.

More on this on Newsnight shortly, tune in.

Meanwhile the government says it's up to freeholders to pay and they shouldn't be passing it onto leaseholders. But five times in Parliament Conservative MPs have been whipped to oppose amendments that would have limited leaseholders' exposure. Last time there were 32 Tory rebels

Indeed, when Emily Maitlis asked Sir Peter Bottomley MP (Conservative Father of the House) after my piece tonight where responsibility lies he said: "It lies everywhere except with the residential leaseholders. They don't own the building. They didn't construct the building..."

"...They didn't inspect the building. They didn't regulate components' use in the building. These homes were put up 17 years ago. It shouldn't have taken national government, local govt, the builders, the freeholders, the component suppliers all this time. Quite clearly..."

"...these people cannot pay...so the government needs to face up to their responsibilities, bail out these people and then government can make arrangements to chase those responsible."

I asked the government if they had made any estimates for how many buildings might be affected by the myriad of fire safety changes and what the costs might be. They didn't answer the question.

Nor did they answer when I asked whether there is a timescale for the loan scheme which ministers have talked about. They did say this: "Building owners are responsible for making their buildings safe - including the owners of Transport House – and we expect them to take swift action to identify and fix defects, including where work has been..."

"...sub-standard, without passing costs on to leaseholders."

But of course they've already conceded that building owners aren't completely responsible in that they've providing funds for buildings 18m+. The question is what is the moral, political or philosophical difference between the different building types? The moral issue, the question of moral hazard and desert, is surely the same one.

It's worth remembering that everyone in Transport House, as in other places affected have done the "right thing". They've scrimped and saved, to do what politicians are always encouraging- to get on the housing ladder. And yet through not fault of their own they not only risk losing that rung but also face homelessness and destitution.

If you've also been affected by this, am keen to hear from you. DMs open..........

One of the most invidious things about this story is how many young homeowners, often on shared ownership it has affected. These people did all they could just to get a rung on the ladder, doing everything the govt said and encouraged them to do and are now left in limbo or worse

As one person said to me about their shared ownership. flat in south London: "The threat to life is plainly the biggest danger here. But lots of us have jumped on schemes like shared ownership to buy our first property and are now trapped with no light at the end of the tunnel."”-Lewis Goodall