#i think this is the funniest first post i could have ever possibly made

[astr0lumina]

100% accurate ultrakill lore

[bindeds]

⊹・° ｡ㅤ BOYFRIEND VOX / LUCIFER / ALASTOR X FEM READER HEADCANONS ! — now i know alastor is aroace so i am once again making a post that acknowledges that as much as possible, meaning his headcanons can also be seen as platonic and his nsfw section doesn’t involve him engaging in the act of sex. i also made an aroace friendly headcanons post on alastor if you wanna check that out!

contains nsfw (+18) and it will be in a separate section <3 please credit me if you use these gifs!

mlist. request status.

VOX.

this man pampers the SHIT out of you and you cannot tell me otherwise. if you’re out walking in the streets of hell and you so much as look at a branded purse for a second longer than usual, it’s in your hands within the next five seconds. same goes for literally anything—clothes, shoes, sunglasses, books, anything you could want that isn’t a gadget, because he already gives you his latest models—only the finest for his girl.

he teleports to your phone screen whenever you ignore him, and you don’t tell him that you find it particularly endearing. the way he’s just so whiny for your attention that he’d act all petty and crash all your apps so you’re forced to look him in the face.

has the most funniest fucking pet names for you i just KNOW IT HAHA like think shrek’s prince charming. i just know that when you call him from a different room he’d definitely say shit like “just a second honey kisses!” like HAHAH I CAN’T GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD

DEFINITELY loves having you sit on his lap while he works. i just know this man is a thigh grabber.

he loves when you dress in sweater vests, preferably in brighter colors but it’s cute when you use more muted colors as well.

relating back to my first point, this man loves taking you to extravagant AND I MEAN extravagant dates. i imagine one of them would be getting the both of you a literal floating table in the red skies of hell so you can see the entire pentagram from where you dine. he would have the food freshly delivered from the finest chefs he knows but he also seems like the type who would forget your favorite food, then demand that the food switched out with a snap of his fingers.

i’m judging this purely off of ‘stayed gone’ but he has a TON of terrible jokes up his sleeves, and they border on dad jokes at this point. you simply roll your eyes and kiss him for being so silly.

i just know this man comes home to you and WHINES. like, no matter what it is, he’ll always have something to complain about from work and you’re happy to listen to him bitch and moan about the smallest things ever. he also lays down on your lap and you to rub his shoulders and console him, whatever it is. you know he appreciates it because he usually always responds with something along the lines of “you’re right, baby, i do push myself too hard!” and you coo at him while continuing to console him further.

VOX NSFW !

i know he definitely gets irritated when someone interrupts his work but would be so into having sex on the job, and even loves ignoring calls from the vees for you. but of course doing it one too many times has its consequences, and he laughs nervously the one time he backs out. i can just imagine him going, “oh, haha, uh—sorry baby, i uh—listen i know we usually—it’s—FUCK um—just—just five minutes okay baby?”

i know this man’s hickeys feel like tiny zaps on your skin, and the marks reflect that instead of bruises

regarding the ‘sitting on his lap’ thing … you tried riding his thigh once and he DID NOT like that. seconds after you were sitting on his cock, crying his name from how he was just pumping into you mercilessly.

“still wanna tease me on my own fucking thigh, sweetie?” he clicks his tongue and grunts right after, his hands on your waist was enough to leave bruises.

that being said, he makes sure valentino never catches sight of you. the things you do to this man is beyond anything he could have thought and somehow, he feels uneasy at the fact that the way you have sex with him was DEFINITELY porn worthy and the thought of you being on camera in that way makes him want to wrap all of himself around you like a blanket to cover you from all of hell.

LUCIFER.

ironically, this man does NOT give you the world. instead, he gives you casual nights out turned into nights where you share all your secrets with him, and he tells you everything might not be okay now, or ever, but whatever it is, he’ll be right there with you. think going to your favorite diners, cruising and carpooling along the quieter side of hell, screaming at the top of your lungs. this man is all about authenticity. he wants the bond, not the experience.

that doesn’t mean he doesn’t spoil you every now and then—he definitely does research on the best bars in the ring and takes you out every month during your monthsaries and gets you at least 10 different gifts—half of which are little trinkets you and him picked up from your little adventures together.

unironically so fucking good at picking out jewelry for you. you don’t know how he does it, but every time you both visit a jewelry store, you always pick out necklaces and rings and he always comes to you with pieces that just look way more stunning on you. he always insists on being the one to slip the rings onto your fingers or chain the necklaces at the back of your neck, and he always flies up to do it.

he sometimes visits you as a bird and flies through your window. you like stroking his little cheek and it always causes him to transform suddenly which catches you off guard, and he uses this opportunity to kiss you.

he makes rubber duckies modeled after you!! all of them have different outfits from all the times you spend together.

forehead touches. so important for him, he does it so often and it’s nothing short of endearing.

this man COOKS and he COOKS WELL. every now and then when you both stay home he always whips up five-star restaurant grade steak for you, same goes for his carbonara, fish and chips, ramen, fried rice, stew—whatever it is, he loves making it with his own two hands and loves cooking for you.

lucifer makes his own clothes seeing as his hat has a gold snake and an apple on it which only really related to him, and he also has a unique circus vibe to his clothing. he made his clothes out of magic but after meeting you he wanted to get into sewing to make you something from scratch.

LUCIFER NSFW !

i absolutely agree with a lot of lucifer stans on him being a definite switch BUT i just know that if this man tops, he tops HARD. i mean, we’re talking about the angel who successfully seduced not just the FIRST WOMAN to ever exist, but the SECOND TOO. WHILE SHE WAS LOYAL TO ADAM. I FEEL LIKE THAT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

he’d definitely do a multitude of things while trying out a few kinks to see just what kind of top flusters you. if you like service tops, he found out when he insisted on fingering you right after he’d brought you to orgasm with his tongue. dominant top? he found out when he crawled on top of you and said, “take it off for me, lovely.” all while leaving a trail of hickeys all from your jaw all the way down to your collarbone. the list goes on.

no matter if he tops or bottoms, this man begs, and its especially orgasm-worthy when he does it as a bottom. you’re riding him to your own climax and he’s close too and he goes, “ohhh god fuck please let me cum honey—let me cum please fuck! can i cum can i cum my love? i won’t until you say so oh fuck please baby—”

he knows when you’re pent up. apparently you give of a certain set of cues through body language only he sees and he’s observed it from you in all sorts of situations; going out with friends, sitting in bed with a book, tapping a pencil to your lip—it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. he can tell. and he never tells you how.

seeing as he usually has to fly up to kiss you on the lips, he takes every opportunity he has in bed just to kiss you. he could be going so damn rough on you that the neighbors can hear and he’d still be making out with you so damn hard.

definitely prides himself on cunnilingus. i know everyone mentions this because of the v he made to his lips but it just makes sense for him to do that if he’s good at it! he becomes a grunting, begging, whimpering mess when you suck him off but when he eats you out? you compare it to how restaurants have a signature dish—lucifer’s is whatever miracles he can perform with his tongue.

ALASTOR.

i think this is obvious because he literally hosts possibly the most famous radio broadcast in the entire ring, but this man has a way with words.

“to put it simply my dear, i just never thought the stars could walk on dirty streets, let alone ones that belong in hell,” he sighs with an almost dreamy tone to it as he rested chin on his knuckles, leaning closer to you from the other side of the table with his elbow propped up on it. “but it seems you’re living proof of that.”

you took that as his way of explaining his aromanticism and asexuality to you, even if he isn’t fully aware of those terms yet.

“how did a lovely thing like you end up with a gruesome animal such as myself?”

nonetheless, you and him are partners and he owns it, even if he’ll never admit that it is daunting for someone who has never felt this way about anyone else before. someone who has never liked anyone romantically before. he owns it because he doesn’t want the one person he’s ever loved to slip from his grasp. not when he was just so used to getting what he wants using his own bare hands.

seeing as he is aroace, he doesn’t kiss you directly on the lips but hugs you all the time and maybe kisses cheek-to-cheek.

he listens to your gossip and even arranges dates for you both to properly get together and just dish. he gossips back sometimes too, but not too much as he feels like that would be like treating you like the other friends he has. he’d rather spend this time he has with you focusing on, well, you, not other people’s foolish mistakes. but he sees how excited you are to tell him these things sometimes so, he listens still.

regularly slow dances with you, especially to old romantic songs the both of you like. it’s one of the rare times physical contact doesn’t feel foreign to him as he’s danced with many women, and he actually finds it endearing when you press your head on his chest. it shows that you feel safe around him, and that’s the best thing that could happen for him when you’re dating one of the most feared and powerful overlords in hell.

always does house chores with you even though he could use his powers to just speed up the process. something about cleaning up together just feels so intimate to him compared to physical touch.

ALASTOR NSFW !

he hates being touched, no question about that—but he also doesn’t like to see you pent up. he understands that everyone has their own desires, however filthy they might be—but your own are as good as sacred. you’re the one thing he treasures beyond all others and just as you can’t change the fact that he’s aroace, he can’t change the fact that you have needs.

so he comes up with something just for you; he asks if it would help if he talked you through it. praising or degrading you, whichever you prefer. telling you how much he misses having your hands on his, feeling you close to him. when he says this, he imagines you both dancing as you usually do, but of course, as you masturbate, you’re thinking of something else. this happens when he’s not in the room but he leaves his mic behind to act as a phone for the both of you.

“are you close, love? will you finish for me?” “y-yes …” “good girl.”

i imagine after a while of being with him, he would have seen you naked a few times on accident but he brushes it off well because there’s never anything sexual tied to it. so, when he is in the room while you get off, he’d use his powers to have a glowing green chain around your neck as he pulls your face closer to his.

“do you like it when i do this to you, hm? tell me just how much you relish being my good girl.”

[genericpuff]

All That Glitters is Not Feminism - An Analysis of LO's Brand of "Feminism" and What Remains of its Fanbase (The Twist)

Alright y'all, I've been waiting a hot minute to talk about this because I wanted to see how it fully panned out before saying anything about it. And it's not even specifically about LO, but I do think it's very adjacent to it in a way that I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear. Much of it speaks to how we prop up white writers even at the expense of POC.

This is 'the twist' attached to my first post that I made just a couple hours ago that concerns an entirely other topic but I feel ties into this subject very well.

If you haven't heard, there's this author who recently fucked around in the Del Rey publishing scene.

Her name is Cait Corrain.

In the original tweet calling this person out, names were not dropped, but it was made very clear that what Cait did was unacceptable behavior.

You can read the entire thread that started it all from Xiran here:

There's also a GREAT recap thread from one of the affected authors, Bethany Baptiste:

I want to make it clear that Cait Corrain isn't just a debut author.

Cait Corrain is - or now, was (foreshadowing is a literary device that-) - a debut author who had an agent, a publishing deal with Del Rey (an imprint of Random House which is a MAJOR publisher) and even an upcoming Illumicrate deal - meaning, her book was going to be packaged in a monthly loot crate subscription shipped directly to people's doors, quite possibly one of the best marketing deals a debut author could ever get, usually unheard of in this industry. All the pre-reviews were strong and positive.

Cait's book was literally set up for success. All she had to do was sit back, relax, and watch the fruits of her labors roll in. She had written the book. It was ready for release. The hard part was technically over.

But I guess the racism brainrot got to her because as it turns out, since April - for EIGHT MONTHS - she's been making alternate accounts on GoodReads to review bomb the indie and debut works of her friends and peers, most of whom were POC and did not have the same opportunities set up for them as she did. There are loads of receipts to back this up that you can find in those above threads ^^^

To say that this is appalling is an understatement. This was an intentional and deliberate act of racism by a white queer writer who claimed to be "jealous" - of what, I can't imagine - so much so that she deliberately sabotaged her peers, people who had supported her and her book.

And then when she got caught? She doubled down on it and claimed it was a "friend", also an alternate account she made up.

The exchange between her and this made-up person is actually the funniest shit out of this entire thing, it's so poorly written and as soon as people noticed the time stamps were out of order, that was when it truly cemented her newfound clown status.

"oooooh he's standing right behind me, isn't he?" energy right here LMAO

yes keep expositing cait, that's really selling the "this is a genuine conversation that really happened with a real person" bit 🤡

Anyways, it became abundantly clear that Cait was just going to continue to dig her heels in over something she caused.

This has been a hot topic in the UnpopularLO Discord, not just because of how crazy of a situation it is that we had to talk about it - and we have people within the community who work in the literature and media sector - but because we noticed one very telling thing in the list of series that she had review bombed in her very own personal act of wrath.

You see, Cait made one fundamental mistake that led to her undoing - she didn't just review bomb the works of her peers, she positively reviewed her own book and others.

What's her book about though?

It's an Ariadne x Dionysus retelling set in space.

It's literally another "modern retelling" of Greek myth.

And wouldn't you know it, guess who else created a modern retelling of Greek myth that she included in her positive review raiding while she was sabotaging the work of her actual peers?

Now, I think it goes without saying that what I'm about to say should be taken with MOUNTAINS of salt, I'm sure a lot of you are reading the headline and going, "Ugh, really? You're gonna make this about LO? Could you give it a rest already???"

I need you to understand, with the current state of Rachel's fanbase and 'modern' Greek myth literature as a whole, at this point Lore Olympus - and the works that are literally inspired by it such as A Touch of Darkness - has basically become the shopping cart litmus test of basic decency. It's like when someone says they like Harry Potter - you can't take it automatically at good faith anymore, because there isn't a whole lot separating someone who simply liked Harry Potter as a kid and still rewatches the movies from time to time from someone who fully supports the politics and agenda of J.K. Rowling. No, not everyone who still watches the movies or reads the books fondly is a TERF by default, but it's justifiably a reason for suspicion when the consequences are often too dire to risk.

There's this thing that's been happening in the LO fanbase that I frankly saw coming, but has really recently started to hit its peak. It's what I call the "Kanye Effect", where the comic has become so absurd and backwards in its misogyny and white feminism that the only people who seem to be left supporting LO are the people who are legitimate white feminists and misogynists - because all the normal level-headed people fell off the comic ages ago (or transitioned into the critical side of the community).

I mentioned it in my last post, but it bears repeating - Rachel's fanbase has literally been shipping Hera, a victim of abuse, with her abuser, Kronos. I'm really hoping a lot of them realize how fucked up that is now that Hera herself has called it what it is - abuse - within the comic, but I also can't count on the LO fanbase picking up on that or even noticing it with how quickly people swipe through it each week, it's very apparent at this point that most of LO's readers don't know how to chew their food and don't pay attention when Persephone and Hades aren't onscreen.

But I'm digressing. Or am I? We're talking about Crown of Starlight after all. The debut Dionysus x Ariadne sci-fi/fantasy romance that was quite literally advertised using Lore Olympus as its baseline-

This. This is what the ongoing cultural erasure and white feminist uwu-fication of Greek myth is doing to the literary zeitgeist surrounding Greek myth as a whole. This is why we criticize Lore Olympus and works like it that are created by disingenuous people who only seek to use the assets of Greek myth material as a way to shoot themselves up into fame and stardom. This is why we demand better standards in the literature and webcomic industry, so that people like Rachel and Cait can't use their privileges to quite literally erase the source material that they used to make themselves famous in the first place.

If anything, Cait's actions didn't just affect the people she negatively review bombed, or the people she was affiliated with, but also the people she positively reviewed. While I don't support what Rachel creates, she wasn't the only one who Cait went out of her way to review positively from her alt accounts, there were many others as evident in the Google Doc - but all this really does is tarnish the legitimacy of these books and their ratings by artificially jacking up their numbers that are advertised to others.

Making Greek myth fanfiction or fun creative retellings was never the problem, but it's now being sabotaged alongside so many other genres and mediums by toxic white individuals who can't even keep themselves from committing hate crimes, let alone create something purely for entertainment that's transparent in its illegitimacy, lest it destroy the illusion that these people are qualified to speak over those whose voices are being stifled, often by these very same people. Many of these writers get caught and are still allowed to continue what they're doing - that was certainly what we feared with Cait.

Until today.

It was revealed today that Cait's book will no longer be featured in the Illumicrate May 2024 box.

Del Rey has dropped Crown of Starlight from their publishing schedule.

Daphne Press will be hopefully following suit.

And, most telling of all, Cait's own agent has severed ties with her.

For anyone not familiar with the inner workings of the publishing industry, Cait has essentially been blacklisted. Without an agent or a publishing house, she'll have to entirely rely on her own resources through self-publishing. Unless she manages to sneak her way back in under an alias (which I wouldn't put it past her to try) she no longer has access to the mainstream publishing industry that was already guaranteed for her before she let her 'jealousy' get the better of her.

Her career was already made for her. She had a red carpet laid out for her debut. Her book was getting good pre-reviews and she had quite literally nothing keeping her from her success. The best thing she could have done was nothing. Somewhere in her head, she made up a threat that didn't exist, and sealed her fate in acting on it, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I think in these situations such as with Cait Corrain, Rachel Smythe, and - also recently and relevant - James Somerton, we need to become increasingly aware of how white voices are still overpowering POC voices, not just in their actions, but in the opportunities they're given over others which they then use to further stifle the voices of those they feel "threatened" by or feel entitled to speak over. While neither James nor Rachel have used sock puppet accounts to "take out the competition" (at least as far as we know lmao) James did quite literally steal the words and voices of queer writers who were deserving of their time in the spotlight, and Rachel's work is being quoted as "rewriting Greek myth" as if its blatant gentrification and appropriation should be marketed as some sort of positive.

It's all too common for these deeply-rooted prejudices to rear their ugly heads and for the people who carry them to act out in this way while justifying it as "jealousy" or "a mistake". This isn't jealousy. This isn't a mistake. This isn't someone "starting drama". This is genuine, targeted hate, with the intention of snuffing out the voices of others who should be empowered, not silenced.

All that time and effort, and for what? Racism and petty jealousy? It just goes to show, it doesn't matter how many opportunities you're given, how high up on the ladder you already are - it won't fix the deeply-rooted insecurity and racial pettiness that spurs people on to do such horrible things.

I've spent enough of my time and words today talking about Cait, and James, and Rachel. So to end this off, I want to join in with all the others who have highlighted the books that were review-bombed by Cait, and help in uplifting them so they can have successful debuts. I'll be pre-ordering a few of them, so I'll be happy to make dedicated posts for them in the future after they release. Please consider purchasing them for yourself if you want some new reading material <3

The Poisons We Drink by Bethany Baptiste:

So Let Them Burn by Kamilah Cole:

To Gaze Upon Wicked Gods by Molly X Chang:

Mistress of Lies by K.M. Enright

Voyage of the Damned by Frances White:

(I'm sure there are plenty others so if I missed any here, please let me know so I can add them here and check out their books!)

If there's any silver lining to this, I hope that it makes people aware of the media they consume and who it's being created by. I hope it makes people more willing to seek out the books that aren't getting the same opportunities as Cait Corrain and Rachel Smythe. I hope it's a wake-up call to the industry that matters like this need to be taken seriously and that POC writers are still being silenced under their own noses. And most of all, I hope it's a reminder that we shouldn't even need at this point that this behavior is not okay, no matter what level a person climbs to - that just because someone is part of one minority doesn't mean they're not capable of sabotaging another. It sucks that that has to be said, it sucks that despite these groups being so intersectional there are still people within them who submit to their deeply-rooted insecurities and find ways to feel threatened that they use to justify hateful behavior.

Having a platform is a privilege. It should never be weaponized against your own peers or those who you simply feel "threatened" by for no reason beyond your own imposter syndrome or doubts or internal struggles. Because as much as you may feel like you've earned where you are, that never gives you the right to weaponize your opportunities against others who were never given those same opportunities in the first place. "Feminism" is not using your power to crush "other women". "Progressiveness" is not exclusive to the progress that only benefits you.

I wish only the best to those who were affected by the actions of Cait Corrain. You deserve to be heard and seen and appreciated for the work you do and the abuse you've had to tolerate. I look forward to your debuts in 2024 <3

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | July 1st-14th 2024

Work has been kicking my ass. Can't wait for my vacation! Hope you're all doing well!!

Complete

what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh? by heartbeatdiaz/ @loserdiaz (Fanart, PWP | <1K | Explicit): “I'm gonna ride you,” Eddie says, flicking his wrist. “Okay, baby?” When Eddie straddles Buck's lap and sinks down, his eyes closed, he doesn’t fuck himself down onto Buck like he normally would— he wants to drag it out, tease his boyfriend untill he's a whimpering mess underneath him.

Sparks Fly by Inell/ @inell (Reporter Buck AU | <1K | Teen): Eddie meets his match when reporter Buck shadows the 118

Seeing Stars by Inell (Astronauts AU | <1K | Teen): Buck and Eddie are best friends who have been pining for a while when Buck finally makes a move.

when it all melts down by bucksclipboard/ @excuseme-greentea (Post-S7, Getting Together | 2K | Teen): Buck thinks a beach day is the perfect distraction from an empty house and a lack of summer plans. Eddie thinks if Buck walks out of the ocean like a Greek god one more time, he might just lose his mind. or: there’s only one cure for a frozen tongue after too much ice cream

The Moment is Here by Inell (Post-S7, Getting Together | 2K | Teen): Eddie has been in love with Buck for longer than he cares to remember but he’s been scared to jeopardize their friendship. Lucky for him, Buck is feeling brave this morning.

i'll never give you away ('cause i've already made that mistake) by Iover_of_mine (I_almost_do)/ @lover-of-mine (Post-S7, Love Confessions | 3K | General): Buck almost kissed Eddie at the bachelor party and forgot about it. Until he remembered.

this postcard tells you where we've been by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S7 | 3K | General): Eddie finds a collection of postcards Buck sent to Chris over his summer in El Paso.

pauses, then says you're my best friend (you knew what it was) by instantcaramel/ @buddiekinard (Social Media Fic, Post-S7 | 4K | General): buck drags eddie to a taylor swift concert. wackiness ensues.

Cursebreaker by Inell/ @inell (Post-S7, First Date | 4K | Teen): Buck is nervous about his apparent dating curse ruining his first date with Eddie. Lucky for him, Eddie doesn’t believe in curses.

A Love As True As Mine by Inell (Post-7x10: All Fall Down, Getting Together | 4K | Teen): After Buck gets injured during a call, he overcomes some personal issues and ideas of love with Eddie’s help.

One Look at You by Inell (Post-S7, Getting Together | 4K | Teen): Eddie and Buck are enjoying a night out when lines get blurred and feelings are finally admitted.

And There You Were by Inell (Post-S7, Getting Together, Fluff | 4K | Teen): After admitting their feelings for each other and spending the night together, Eddie wakes up to find Buck in the kitchen and decides to distract him. 

I Can See Clearly Now by Inell (Post-S7, Getting Together | 5K | Teen): During a simple call, Buck finds himself locked in a lab after a possible exposure with Eddie and the rest of his team on the other side of the glass doors.

Pumpkin by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Canon Divergent, Dad Buck | 5K | General): “You were just telling us about your dog, Pumpkin. Three years old. You’re taking her to the park this weekend?” And, oh. Buck wanted to laugh. Hen thought Pumpkin was a dog. He did laugh; loud and wheezing. “Right, you’re right. Pumpkin. How could I forget?” Buck wiped a tear from his eye. He didn’t know why it was so funny, maybe he had bumped his head a little, but for some reason, Hen mistaking his three-year-old daughter for a dog was just about the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

🔥 bark like you want it by colonoscopys/ @colonoscopys (Soulmates AU, Crack | 7K | General): The first time Eddie Diaz hears his soulmate’s voice, he hears him say Damn, that’s a nice ass.

🔥 the book of love by colonoscopys (Time Loop, Getting Together | 8K | General): It was a pretty regular day. He had an eight hour shift the day before, slept in a little bit, ate dry toast and drank a black coffee before dropping Chris off at physical therapy for an hour. If he had known he was gonna die, he would have sprung for the hashbrowns in the freezer.

🔥 trying hard not to act a fool by arcanaphora (Didn't Know They Were Dating, Post-S7 | 10K | Teen): Or: 5 times Eddie jokes to Buck about marrying him + 1 time where Buck doesn't think it's very funny anymore

The heat of the moment by JamesPearce911/ @diazsdimples (PWP | 10K | Explicit): Tired and frustrated after a long shift, Buck and Eddie take an impromptu trip to the sauna. Only problem is, it's a nude sauna, which Buck didn't notice when he booked them in. Thankfully the boys handle the slip up gracefully, and possible break a few public sex laws in the process.

What if this storm ends? by JJK / @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Post-6x12: Recovery, Getting Together | 11K | Teen): After the lightning strike, Buck grapples with the fact that he's still alive, that he's hopelessly in love with Eddie, and that more than anything he wishes Eddie and Christopher could be his family. Too bad Eddie doesn't feel the same way, right? But then Buck chaperones Christopher's school trip and an injury shakes things up.

🔥 if i said you could never touch me by marviless/ @marviless (Established Buddie | 15K | Mature): “Buck. What’s wrong?” Buck closes his eyes, then blinks them open. “Nothing,” he says, because he doesn’t know how to tell the truth. He doesn’t know what the truth even is. “Everything’s, uh—everything’s fine. I just—” he chews on his lip. “I was just thinking that, uh, maybe we shouldn’t go any further tonight? You know, not with Christopher in the house.”

What is Love For $2000? by fayevian/ @fayevian (Canon Divergent, Jeopardy Contestant!Buck | 17K | Mature): One night when Eddie can't sleep, he discovers the hottest Jeopardy contestant of all time (objectively). With the "help" of his team and his fairly good working knowledge of Twitter, they devise a plan to get Evan (from Jeopardy) to slide into Eddie's DMs. It works surprisingly well.

🔥 keeping score by arcanaphora (Post-S7, Fake Relationship | 23K | Mature): After getting dumped, Buck is left with two tickets to a weeklong cruise. Eddie steps in to support a friend in need, but complications arise when his friend becomes his fake husband. All's fair in love, war, and trivia.

🔥 Steal My Sunshine by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Altered Memories | 30K | Mature): Memories hazy and unreliable, Eddie Diaz wakes up every morning in a house at the end of a cul de sac, goes to his office job at a petroleum engineering company, and comes home to his wife and son. But something is missing, and the more Eddie begins to put the pieces together, the stranger the predicament he finds himself in. 

🔥Anywhere I Want, Just Not Home series by Daisies_and_Briars

Pennsylvania Under Me (Future Fic, Buckley Family | 22K | Teen): When unexpected circumstances require Buck to travel back to Hershey for the first time in over a decade, Eddie and Chris are right by his side. A Lot Like You (Future Fic, Buck&Bobby | 14K | General): The dynamics between everyone change when Buck and Eddie have another child and Bobby moves on from the 118. I Hold It Like a Grudge (Buck&Maddie, Future Fic | 11K | Teen): Buck and Maddie come into unexpected and unwanted conflict when their parents meet Buck's son for the first time, by surprise, when he is under Maddie's care.

WIP

The Smutty Ones by Tizniz/ @tizniz (PWP | 56/? | 23K | Explicit): A collection of smutty Buddie drabbles.

E & E: A Buddie Drabble Collection by Tizniz (Prompt fic | 105/? | 22K | General): A collection of drabbles for Buck and Eddie.

It's Me That He's Always Choosing by I_still_dont_understand_13/ @dangerpronebuddie (Prompt fic | 20/? | 8K | Explicit): A collection of smut prompts originally posted on tumblr.

🔥 boys, when my baby found me by nondz (pinkjook) (Post-S7, Presumed Dead Eddie | 2/3 | 17K | Explicit): “It just feels… I don’t know. I feel like I’m back to being an old version of me. Like I’m— fucking— Buck 2.0 again. I can’t be good to him if I’m Buck 2.0. I know that.” Eddie frowns. “I first met you when you were Buck 2.0. And you were good to me.” Or: three months later, things are mostly back to normal. And then there's an accident.

🔥 Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 10/22 | 46K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

🔥 If You Can Make the Music by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, | 3/5 | 7K | Mature): Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 5 (Seaside): A year after a whirlwind two week love affair with bartender Buck in Galveston, Texas, Eddie Diaz finds himself coincidentally relocating to the area. But when he attempts to reconnect with Buck, he's in for an unfortunate surprise. (Part 3 of Coma-Verse)

🔥 you're almost home (i've been waiting for you to come in) by sibylsleaves/ @sibylsleaves (Post-S5, Canon Divergent - Roommates, Getting Together | 3/5 | 18K | Mature): Buck moves in. Eddie comes out. Things get a little messy.

🔥 Long Death by Daisies_and_Briars (Post-S7, Vampire AU | 5/10 | 17K | Explicit): In the summer of 2024, a never before seen form of vampirism breaks out in Los Angeles. Just as Eddie is about to get his son back. Six months later, Buck's life is permanently changed.

🔥 Any Other Way by Daisies_and_Briars (Canon Divergent, S2 | 14/19 | 71K | Mature): In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar (Canon S1-S6, Divergent Post-S6 | 130/? | 408K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

[seullovesme]

slow dancing in the dark » irene

pairing ⥬ bae joohyun x reader

genre ⥬ angst

summary ⥬ you're in love with irene, but she's in love with someone else.

unrequited love

part 1 | part 2

you watched the girl talk so animatedly with the guy across from her. this was stupid. you should not have agreed to sit on the other side of the cafe from your best friend, who was currently on her date. she had asked you to stay in case something were to happen and of course being wrapped around her finger, you caved in and did as she asked.

it was clearly unnecessary because she was enjoying herself, and you were just sitting there like an idiot. an idiot watching the one she loves fall for a different person.

you weren't going to deny it for a second. you are in love with bae joohyun, the only woman who was ever able to increase your heart rate with a simple touch or make your head spin at the thought of her smile. she was your soulmate, someone who you knew would be there for you no matter the circumstance, your best friend. you watched her laugh at whatever that man said as if it was the funniest joke on planet earth. it made your eyes roll into the back of your head in annoyance, it could not have been that funny.

so lost in your own head, you didn't even notice their date coming to an end. joohyun stood up, the guy following after her, and she thanked him with a kiss on the cheek. it lit a fire in your stomach, the feeling of jealousy was something you were familiar with. after all, you were in love with possibly the most beautiful girl. but it was not your place to feel this way. it's not like you were her girlfriend or anything.

her date walks away with a huge smile on his slightly pink face, exiting through the main door of the cafe. you turn to your best friend who remained standing in the same spot, seeing her looking down and biting her index finger with a smile on her face as well. her smile was gorgeous, too bad she was thinking of another person as she gladly showed her pearly white teeth.

-

your eyebrows furrowed. you were lounging on joohyun's couch, mindlessly scrolling through your instagram that was ironically filled with image and pictures posted by couples. was the world playing some joke on you? you turned your phone off and put it down with a huff. how annoying.

the sound of clattering catches your attention and you stand up in a panic, making your way to the room of the other girl where the sound had came from.

"hyun, are you okay?" you ask in a worried tone as you opened the door, revealing your best friend picking up her makeup from off the floor. "ah, sorry if i disturbed you. i just dropped my makeup bag." she responded, glancing up at you once or twice in between words. you examined her figure, specifically her outfit.

"what are you so dressed up for?" you questioned. she completed collecting her items and zipped it closed before placing it back onto her vanity. she sighed in relief and grinned. " junmyeon asked for a second date and i said yes! i'm so excited to see him again after our first date. he's such a great guy and i really hope things work out between us, i've never met anyone quite like him."

at first you felt a little upset or hurt, but seeing how happy she was made it hard for you to maintain such a negative emotion. if you couldn't be happy, at least she was and if her being happy meant giving her up then you were content with your decision. hopefully he treats her like a princess, how she really deserves to be treated.

"i hope you enjoy your date joohyun-ah. i'll be heading to my place right now." you gave her a hug which caught her off guard for a split second, but she returned your comforting embrace. you closed your eyes and tried to memorize the feeling of her body against yours, and how great it felt to be so close to her. when you backed away, you looked directly into her dark brown eyes and engraved the image of them into your mind.

you thought you were being a bit over the top, but there was no way you'd be able to face her after this. not without experiencing those same butterflies you had when you were with her. she would be better off without being burdened by your feelings, and you were better off letting her go.

"i'll call you tonight like we usually do and tell you about our date when i come back home, y/n."

you nodded and turned to leave. once you reached the front door, you held the knob but the call of your name caused you to pause. "thank you for being there for me. i could have never asked for a better friend." your heart clenched at her words but you could only smile. it was just a reminder that you were just her friend.

"any time, unnie." you reply after facing her direction, seeing her stand a few feet away in a stunning red dress that you had bought her for her birthday. "let's call later?" she asked, and you nodded eagerly.

"talk to you later, hyun." you swung the door open and stepped out, closing it behind you. as you made your way to your car, you pulled out your phone and messaged a close friend that you were going to stay over for the night. after sending the text, you completely shut down your phone not planning to turn it back on later today, or maybe even for the rest of the week for that matter.

you'll probably also throw out the bouquet of red tulips you have in your car, there's no way you'll able to go with your plan and confess anytime soon anyways. not when she's found someone who makes her happier than you, it's just not possible. but her happiness over yours, right?

im contemplating on making a pt. 2 where they end up together or leaving it open like this

[ashmp3]

closing #heyteo 💌

i want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who's ever tagged me in their posts! i can't put it into words how grateful i am for having such talented, sweet people around me that wanted to share their beautiful creations with me. i cherish them all and i hope yapping in my tags conveyed that. Honestly i could talk about them in great lengths (and mostly i did...) so this is why i feel like i think its right time to wrap this up - i feel bad when i can't sit down, talk my ass off and give my full attention to each and every single post. Sadly i don't think its possible for me to do it now which is why i am writing all this, with a tear in my eye honestly. I checked and saw i have 925 (and counting!) posts in this tag and first of all - that is CRAZY! I am so grateful you have no idea. I really, really cherished this little corner of the internet that i called my own so this is all bittersweet but i think it's for the best! Lastly, i don't plan on going anywhere just yet so of COURSE feel free to tag me in anything you think i shouldn't miss (especially Jeonghan and your selfies... of course) - you already know a block of tags will be coming your way! And for being my amazingly talented friends i wrote little thank-you notes for everyone that made #heyteo one of the best decisions i made on tumblr 💌 I appreciate you all SO so so so much!

@jeonwonwoo -> my angel and the reason i even made this tag miss zaynab! We would be here for weeks if i started talking about how thankful i am for your existence. My no1 source of Jeonghan gifs, someone who perfectly matches my freak - thank you the MOST! (And ofc you can still expect me to go on tangents under your gifs i mean... that's what this blog is all about!) Love you!🩷🫶🏼

@kimsuyeon -> my talented lili, with the most wonderful gifs that are just so YOU! Always so wonderfully curated and colored, your idol + era collection is for the HERstory books if you ask me. Thank you for sharing them with all of us. i am so happy to have you around and i am thankful that you have been one of Thee contributors to #heyteo 🫶🏼🩷

@pink-vacancy -> i think it wouldn't be wrong to call you my yuna and mina supplier 🤭 cherry yuna is for the history books and you are the biggest contributor to that fact! thank you so much for always tagging me and making my tag a tad bit spicier and sexier with the gorgeous, stunning women you gif! love you and appreciate you SO much 💌🍒🫶🏼

@scouped -> MAX you are such an integral part of #heyteo through your many sideblogs and i am always so so sooo grateful for it! i love everyone but of course i love svt just a tad bit more so seeing your sets always made me so giddy and excited 🫶🏼 again, one of the people that really pushed me to make this tag in the first place so i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. love you!!! 💖🌟

@vcrnons -> j!!! my dear sweet darling J that wanted to kill me on more than one occasion. thank you so much for tagging me and sorry for all the things i said under your gifs its like they hypnotize me... And ofc i am excited to be annoying under your tags in the future 🫶🏼💖💖💖

@scoupsies -> my naya funniest sweetest most talented darling... You've been thee highlight of my user tag - and i promise i will still be yapping under your gifs like how could i not?! you best believe i will be checking you blog so i don't miss anything because well that would just be devastating for me. thank you so much for tagging me i love you & appreciate you SO much!!! 🫶🏼🩷💌

@neonsbian -> my wayv supplier and source of updates 🤭 thank you so much vinnie, for always tagging me in everything so far & i always enjoyed seeing my twin yangyang in the tag (for better or worse) 💖

@no1boa -> lulu! absolute master of gifs thank you SO much for always tagging me in your dreamy, beautiful creations. honestly i will miss them SO much... so expect me to go through your blog like a morning newspapers and look for new sets 🙂‍↕️🫶🏼🤍

@taeiltual -> i always say this in the tags but every single company would benefit from a BexTM master class on editing! Thank you so much for sharing your works and thank your for tagging me 🤍🫶🏼🌟

@facethesuns -> em your posts always make me feel like ground is shaking... Thank you so much for tagging me in your stuff & of course i am excited to keep yapping in the tags in the future 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️💖

@ningtual -> MY SUNWOO SUPPLIER oh henna this is for the better or worse because my blood pressure rises whenever i see him... thank you for tagging me in your beautiful aespa edits (and nunulino...) love you mwah mwah!!! 🫶🏼🩷

@talksaxy -> even though we haven't been mutuals for a long time, whenever you would tag me in sungchan you best believe i would kick my feet and get giddy... thank you so much for adding a beautiful fawn touch to my tag! & ofc expect me to be in your tags either way, and yeah this kinda reads as a threat but you can't blame me really can't you... thank you sooo much. mwah! 🫶🏼🌟💖

@28reas0ns -> oh wwill first of all i want to say i love your vision and how we both sometimes make similar connections... You have such an eye for the aesthetics and it was such an honor to seen every post you made so thank you SO much for tagging me it truly meant so much to me 🫶🏼💖🤍💖🤍

@isabelleadjani -> first of all thank you for using it for its intended purposes (selfies!!!). and second of all thank you for tagging me in your beautiful, gorgeous gifs. You always go one level up and its so evident in the way you present your sets. I would still love to get tagged in your selfies of course thats a no brainer really 🫶🏼 Thank you so much & i really appreciate your presence on here 🤍🤍🤍

@junmail -> oh its been such a delight to see all the junhui in my tag (along with others of course) so thank you SO much for tagging me and sharing your beautiful gif sets with me (and everyone else)🫶🏼💖

@doyeons -> BELLA!!! first of all. thank you for sungah and seohyun gifs that was kinda legendry don't you agree. Thank you for amplifying frommy gifs in my tag they made me so crazy but also... i am very thankful 🙂‍↕️ And you best believe i will still be under your posts like a pathetic little guy. Kiss!!! 🫶🏼💖

@eightshotamericano -> elly my local jeonghan enthusiast i want to thank you for tagging me in your posts i really enjoyed them always 💖 and i appreciate you for thinking of me, love you!🥹🫶🏼

@seonghwasblr -> I know there wasn't many but i still want to send my virtual thank you card for including me in your beautiful gifs of jeonghan my darling maja i really appreciate it!🫶🏼💖

@jeonwon-wonwoo -> maddie thank you for tagging me in your lessera gifs back in the beginning of the year - it was so sweet of you! 🫶🏼💖 again, a huge thank you to everyone who’s tagged me in their posts. it truly means a lot, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who’s taken the time to include me. I appreciate you all more than words can express 🥹🥹🥹🫶🏼🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[weirdmageddon]

ur davejade posting has me Remembering and goddddd. theyre so good. thank u

i want to make a davejade analysis masterpost but the funniest thing with these asks is that theyre the ones that really prompt me to put my thoughts together in some direction and i ALWAYS find a new implication or connection to talk about. like while i’m writing the connections will just make themselves known. if i made a masterpost i’d have to update it every time i think of something new which defeats the purpose of a masterpost because it’d never be finished. so i just like to spitball into separate posts and just shove them in my davejade tag. i was NOT expecting to get back into homestuck with davejade at the forefront but i can see things now i didnt then

im gonna go off again because it’s so obvious to me on this jumpy scrambled “reread” that dave has a fat fucking heart-on / affection erection for jade. hes tryin soo hard to be cool but hes like this with jade actually behind the screen and she knows it

words and deeds of a court jester dude who totally has a crush on his childhood internet friend and doesnt acknowledge it (btw this is woefully incomplete for the sake of brevity but i could elaborate in another post. i actually have a draft (edit: posted) with a shit ton of more analysis stuff in it on why he acts differently with her than other characters):

the next day (chronologically) when jade messages him:

hussie commentary: “Dave's one-pixel-smile there means that there are literally more than ten thousand drawings on the internet of Dave and Jade kissing. That pixel literally made that happen.”

i mean … it sure is easy to assume how he feels about jade based on the way he talks to her and when his sprite only ever smiles one other time in the entire fucking comic and the reality of that other one was arguable since it was during [S] Karkat: Mental breakdown and its likely karkat was hallucinating it based on the content and context of the flash

nah this one was real. and it was from the first conversation we saw between dave and jade in the comic and thus set the standard for their dynamic. and remember old school 2009 dave was kind of a menace so it says a lot

this girl was special enough to him to warrant that pixel

jade calling dave a “huge baby” for him getting nervous about a piss while she’s his server player. he makes such a big deal about it while shes like oh my god just go:

and the absurdity of the situation being one of his favorite memories

i know pesterquest isn’t “canon” canon but it passes my character essence check and still contributes something of substance to my argument. like i can say this is not at all out of place if these characters were plopped into these scenarios. remember this takes place on the same day as the above, 4/13/2009. theyre the same age as above and have the same relationship as they did above, just in a different scenario that wasn’t possible in canon wherein they didn’t play sburb

Jade wanders away from that window and toward another one, whose view is exclusively centered on the rolling blue. She presses a hand against the misty pane and sighs. JADE: you know, dave talks a lot about coming to visit me here. i mean, all of my friends do but dave especially JADE: in his usual davey way of course, which means making lots of jokes and not sounding very serious about it JADE: "yeah im itching to put on my safari hat and come traipsing down to doomdeath archipelago to get my ass murdered by infinidog the eldritch retriever," stuff like that JADE: i know he really means it though! he wants to see me, just like i want to see him JADE: but its just wishful thinking

anyway daves reaction to seeing his isolated online friend for the first time irl cry because she has guests. its even better with the character sprites

JADE: we can play with all my toys and jam out to some music and stay up all night chatting with each other and oh my god oh my god youre here youre all here this is really happening!!!!! Jade's next laugh verges on hysterical and she's got tears streaked down her cheeks. Dave looks a little perturbed. DAVE: wow holy shit uh DAVE: its cool jade no need to get so DAVE: like this DAVE: kind of fucks me up seeing you cry DAVE: not that im trying to make this all about me DAVE: i mean uh

and so after mspa reader’s intervention, who do we see with jade the next time we see her?

dave. and hes goofing with her squiddles while grinning

DAVE: okay so lets see what we got here Jade's room is bright and cheery, fresh flowers in the hanging pots, curtains pulled open wide to let in the afternoon sunlight. Jade sits on her bed while Dave paces in front of a line of squiddle toys, carefully assembled in neat ranks. DAVE: this blue one is clearly in charge look at his dominant posture DAVE: also hes the only motherfucker not tentacle deep in his homie DAVE: hes an untangled buddy that is some shit really cuts to the core of like DAVE: DAVE: emotions JADE: its actually because the magnets in him are messed up, and always have been!! DAVE: harley you are ruining the magic come on

basically what im putting together is that dave was REALLY fixin to spend some time with jade. extending into her sphere of interests that he doesnt express much with anyone else; you can tell he really wanted to engage with her in a less irony poisoned way. he’s softer with her than his other friends and god forbid the trolls, he is much less skeptical about things when talking to her (he even questions why he just seems to go along with her eccentric precognitive statements but he doesnt change his attitude about it), he showers her with his music and raps to the point where jade is expectant of getting poetry from him. rap IS poetry. please realize that dave is sending her his poetry, regardless of how goofy it may be. this is the level on which im viewing this at and once you realize this theres no going back. there comes a time in every homestuck’s life where they have to see how dave interacted jade and conclude that he had a cute little puppy crush on her unbeknownst to either of them. and it was adorable. and now, in the year 2023, it’s your time to realize this too. no going back.

and btw it all came back around…………………nimblest son of a bitch who had the gumption to glue a nasty pair of latex cat lips to his face

for a reason that wasnt a joke anymore

don’t think ive seen anyone talk about this parallel at the end to one of their first conversations in the comic. maybe somebody did back in the day but i never saw it

[majosullivan]

Castle Swimmer Dashboard Simulator 2

🔄 gay-ass-seagrass reblogged sandyshells

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

Threre are ha;ir thi eves haeving sex ;;; in my castsle’swalls sned help

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

There are hair thieves having sex in our walls and now I’m getting fucking HECKLED

🪝 hookedline Follow

This has to be the funniest reason I seen for accusing a post for being fake cause like…it implies that they thought it is simply impossible for anyone here to be the same age or have similar usernames imao

🌳 everlastingwhiskers Follow

I can’t believe that out of all things, I’m being accused of lying about my castle having hair thieves infestation. I don’t think some of you guys understand just how much of a nightmare it is t;o ha e (32$$:?2 s)3$:!/@“/ svehiwsjlajwvdbk

🐚 sandyshells Follow

Op? Op are you good?

🌿 gay-ass-seagrass Follow

The hair thieves fucking got them

62,586 notes

🐬 divingdelphinus Follow

Head of the Guards: Oh hey, you guys are back early-

Guard: God Mouth’s haunted

Head of the Guards: What?

Guard: [grabbing a leister and heading back out the castle] God Mouth’s haunted

82,506 notes

♣️ saltysoul Follow

There are three evil witches from the dark sea traveling through the Purple Peaks? Damn, are they single?

496 notes

🔄 kitti-fishh reblogged

💟 kitti-fishh Follow

As a mer with any basic morals, what mini gods are capable of is terrifying. I have heard so many stories about poor castles being cursed because they defend themselves from an unprovoked attack from a minigod. No creature should have the ability to damn someone or a whole castle to a cruel fate because they defended themselves or an offence out of their control.

However, as a petty bitch-

🫧 bubbly-bubbles Follow

💟 kitti-fishh Follow

You. You Get It

#LISTEN #I’m not SAYING that if I had mini god destructive powers I would use them constantly for petty shit #I am simply putting it out there that the temptation would possibly pass my mind

5,891 notes

🔄 lesbiankelp reblogged

🦪 clamingdown Follow

What if we k-kissed at the bottom of the god mouth 🥺👉👈 and we were both girls 😳

629 notes

🔄 needling-on reblogged

💰 needling-on Follow

A list of things that I have learnt about/was told by the thirteen year old boy that has recently been staying at our castle with his mother (with every single thing being confirmed as being true):

-His mother threatened the leaders from their original castle that she would cut off their HEADS if they ever came near her son again cause they were treat him like shit. It should be mentioned that she said this TO THEIR FACES in front of THE ENTIRE CASTLE

-His first sword fighting pupil is a cursed prince (from what I’ve heard from his mother, his pupil is basically a big brother to him now)

-Also, his first pupil happens to be the beacon’s BOYFRIEND???

-AND HIS PUPIL IS FRIENDS WITH TWO OF OUR RULERS HERE, ONE OF WHICH IS MY OWN QUEEN???

-He could probably beat every guard at my castle in a fight

-He has broken a grown man’s arm so badly it popped in the other direction because he made fun of him and his pupil

-His mother was almost kidnapped by a giant trench monster in the God Mouth

-He stabbed said trench monster in the eye to save his mother

-He has recently fought an evil witch

-Him and his mother have also recently met the beacon

💰 needling-on Follow

Love seeing everyone’s priorities

239,063 notes

🔄 seadaisies reblogged

🌼 seadaisies Follow

okay but can someone tell me what is up with petrified pufferfishes? i swear, every time I plan for a trip, without fail, someone wanting to help me with supplies will give me one of these stupid little guys and just. Refuse to elaborate further

🐡 petrified-pufferfish Follow

You fool. You halfwit. A senseless sentiment from a simple-minded stooge. Your denial of me will bring forth your downfall. Your ignorance will wrap you in the garments of your rising. What will you have when you’re buried in the sand, choking on your own blood and no merciful god to hear your pleads?

🌼 seadaisies Follow

feel like my skeleton is about to jump out of my god damn skin, what the actual FUCK does this mean???

8,475 notes

🔄 give-that-axolotl-a-knife reblogged

🌿 gay-ass-seagrass Follow

The Surface God released me into the wild and now they’re hunting me for sport

24,074 notes

🔄 nauticalnymph reblogged

💠 nauticalnymph Follow

Of course you have an unending sense of dread as you desperately cling to a prophecy that could never be fulfilled. and pronouns

💠 nauticalnymph Follow

Easy site

58,944 notes

🥒 cutecumbers Follow

Oh the things I would give up to live the rest of my life as a little sponge. Bouncing around all day. Not a single thought ever going on behind those eyes. The ideal existence

2,857 notes

🖼️ ocean-landscapes Follow

The Purple Peaks

749 notes

🪨 mossy-rocks Follow

rip to everyone who died while trying to swim to the surface but I’m different

🪨 mossy-rocks Follow

if I wanted to reach the surface, I would simply just swim straight up until I got there

🔘 mossy-rocks-deactivated

you know what i’m gonna start swimming up there right now

84,689 notes

🔄 moonjelly reblogged honeydew-gourami

🎗️honeydew-gourami Follow

Do we still talk about that giant mini god crab that was destroying the Purple Peaks and making it basically impossible for castles to live peacefully there? Like whatever happened with that?

🌀 moonjelly Follow

The beacon completed the crab’s prophecy and turned him back to normal so things are chill now

🎗️ honeydew-gourami Follow

🌀 moonjelly Follow

What’s not clicking?

#you know who does click though? #the crabs #bunch of funky little guys

47,524 notes

[mercyisms]

necro elysium: director's cut

in which i tell you bonus things about necro elysium (yuck!!).

genesis:

i'm not exactly sure how i came up with the idea, other than it was probably 2022 and i had been playing a lot of disco elysium. i was also thinking a lot about mercymorn, as is my terminal condition. i'm sure i talked a lot to ave about it. i also know i had a conversation with ama, where i soft-pitched a disco adaptation where certain skills would be in cristabel's 'voice.' it seemed like an interesting way to dissect lyctorhood. posts had been circulating about the parallels between harry du bois and harry nonagesimus, but, i'll be honest with you, i think i have very little capacity to write either harrow or gideon. but writing mercy seemed a) something i could pull off, b) a way to gesture at the harrow/mercy parallels without requiring me to leave my zone of interest, and c) there is something about mercy that seemed much more in line with harrier. i think they are both porous, both lacking a certain kind of filter, i felt like if mercy was given a disco skillset, it would really wrestle within her. augustine, i think, would be a bit more a kim. something that at least made pretenses of cohering. (more on augustine later, ofc.) possibly this was also, bc, for the purposes of this fic, i am a subscriber to cristabel having quite a big personality. also, following the release of nona, which gave us some cristabel (!!!) but also kind of dashed my cristabel oct is an e-girl (at least pre-res), I was keen to try and bring my cristabel characterization in closer synthesis with what was now in the text. also, once i realized the obvious semi-pun of "necro elysium," i knew i'd have to write it, if only for the wordplay alone.

anyway, i wrote 1,000 words, dashed off a bit of fanart, and then rolled away.

the skillset & mechanics:

as my fanart attests, the first mercymorn disco skills i pitched were not where we ended up! exclamation and discontent merged into indignation; scrutineer felt distinctly covered by the perception skills; i really wanted to keep acupuncture, because it was by far the funniest, but as i wrote the fic, anatomy was getting significantly more play and i waffled on merging them.

i wanted the skills to still retain a lot of the disco roots, but we weren't trying to have perfect fidelity. we were also integrating the presence of cristabel (more on that later). still, i wanted to be true not only to mercy's 'build,' but also the fact that she is a baby lyctor at the moment of the fic. because she's a just-ascended scientist, her skills are very blue (disco's "intelligence" set) coded. i initially also wanted to give her a skill called "scientific method," but didn't want to upset the balance of skills 'speaking' & so i hope some of mercy's methodical inclination come through in other ways. i planned for her to have very low artistry (a canonical disco skill), but the staging opportunity didn't present itself.

it was important to me that mercy failed some checks, because that feels true to the character & the spirit of disco elysiums checks & how harry interacts with his world. you will notice that mercy fails maybe ever composure check. this was absolutely intentional.

as for acupuncture, it clicked into place once i recategorized it from a 'blue' skill to mercy's sole 'red' (physical) skill. i very much see acupuncture as anatomy applied. canonically, we know mercy & cristabel contributed spirit magic to the megatheorum (see also: the eighth house's reliance on soul siphoning). her pivot to an anatomist also struck me as something born out of repression and grief, and so acupuncture is there to sort of illustrate this shift. the beginnings of a 'brute force' skillset she will continue to grow. in any event, it let me not kill my darling and keep both anatomy and acupuncture in, which felt right.

the art:

now we have to talk about the art because i'm always talking about this art. this art! when i was 80% of the way through the draft, i pitched the wonderful ama/smapis on drawing something for the fic. this was mainly bc ama is one of my favourite tlt artists ever & her mercy and disco elysium art rules. she was beyond kind enough to indulge me, at which point i sent her the draft & left it all in her immensely capable hands.

ama dignified my very silly fic to a level i couldn't have imagined! you may note that also encoded each of mercy's skills to different bodily systems (circulatory, muscular, skeletal, digestive, etc. are all accounted for), which is? genius?? her artistic vision elevated the whole thing & made the synthesis between lyctorhood and whatever's going on in harry's head so much more rich and meaty and nuanced. i cannot praise it enough. it's so good. i gaze lovingly upon it every day.

the unwanted guest:

"You can't admit what's happened here because you're fixated on this idea of the soul as inviolate and inviolable—this perfectly solid, impervious thing, the diamond sitting in the glass of wine. But souls are permeable. When they rub up against each other, they bleed—they mingle—they contaminate each other."—Palamedes Sextus, "The Unwanted Guest"

i started writing & had the thematic beats of necro elysium in 2022, long before we knew "the unwanted guest" was a glimmer in tamsyn's eye. but can you believe? can you believe how prescient i would've looked if i had a) finished a tlt playtext fic and b) also finished a fic about soul permeability? alas, it was not to be. but the publication of "the unwanted guest" did make me want to return to necro; it gave more weight to the reading i was using disco's format to impart.

i will say my personal reading is not that mercymorn is pious because that's cristabel as-a-nun inside her. i think mercymorn is pious because she was literally resurrected by her friend who literally has god-tier powers. when thinking through cristabel's skillset, i was thinking of aspects of mercymorn's personality where cristabel's would be most at home, would maybe latch onto, emphasize. i think of her as a bold and underline, as a different inflection into the lyctor's personality. some were obvious: now that i knew cristabel was a nun, piety was a clear fit; joy was another non-negotiable, as it was the guiding characterization of cristabel we get in harrow the ninth (john saying the saints were to be named after their cavs, augustine calling her a "twerp" and likening her to a child also, through the dark prism of augustine's mind, implied to me someone more exuberant). then i also wanted cristabel's "master of the sword" characterization present and to put the cannibalized cav swordfighting skills in purple (psyche), which is mostly "cristabel" coded skills, but also is, for me, anything gained through lyctorization. hence death's presence.

when we finally meet cristabel, a little, pre-res cristabel, in nona, she's much more utiliarian and practical than the cristabel i had spun out pre-nona. drawing from the way she counsels john, rigour seemed like the driving force. someone who achieves mastery through hard work, through discipline, but also joy is also v present in any sword-fighting scenes to balance it out & suggest that cristabel mastered swordplay partially out of duty & partially out of sheer joy.

one way my fic's use of disco elysium's skillset departs a little from disco elysium's is i wasn't as concerned with creating hyper-distinct voices for each skill. this is partially due to my own limitations and partially because some sets are meant to be, as i say, inflected with cristabel's personality & thus coherent to each other (hence: the whole climax where her voice comes together across traits). one could argue, this is to illustrate the permeability even between these seemingly separate traits. one could also argue i was just not very imaginative.

whatever souls are made of:

i also wanted to note that i sort of see all three of tlt fics in conversation with each other, but whatever souls are made of especially mirrors necro elysium. astute readers (lmao) will notice i hit some similar beats or ticks. is this because of my own limitations?? maybe! but also i do have readings of these characters i'm attached to & am interested in furthering.

i think there's something sort of fun and pleasing and characterizing about how much of whatever souls are made of, which is filtered through augustine, is collaged of references and quotations. it's also a cacophony of voices, but for augustine they're cribbed and for mercy, they're positioned as a fracturing internal monologue. i do think this is consistent with augustine's performative and also deceitful relationship to lyctorhood and the repression surrounding it & to mercymorn's more tortured self-image and inescapable emotional honesty.

the bigger parallel (if we can generously categorize it thusly) is that alfred and cristabel say very similar things to their necomancers. again, i have a beat!! but i hope people will forgive the symmetry for its slight differences. alfred says to augustine that he 'never wanted to be without' augustine (possibly, also, a longing to be included); cristabel hopefully speaks with a bit more righteousness, 'i could not have you stopped...least of all [by] myself.' cristabel's, i hope, adds in an element of someone who believes in mercy's 'greater' destiny, to the wider divinity of the world john is building, who believes that it is loving to propel someone forward. this is also, ofc, connected to how pre-res cristabel propels john forward. is that ethical??? is it good??? maybe not, but it is love. it is a kind of love.

okay this is much too long!! but tysm for reading. i received a few very, very nice asks about other specific parts that i am keen to blabber about, but i will do those in separate posts to give us some breathing room. everything will be in my fanfic tag.

but tysm for reading the fic & ty to the few kind anons who indulged me in this director's cut. <3

[hanbindans]

ways they're comforting (hyung line)

a/n: listening more closely to the in bloom lyrics ruined me so I'm posting this from my drafts. I'll get to the maknae line soon enough but since I already wrote the hyungs I'll post them first. enjoy me screaming into the void 🤍

jiwoong

you're like the older brother I never had. there's something comforting in the way you are exactly how I want to be when I grow up; considerate and caring and willing to love someone regardless of their flaws- kind to others but more importantly to yourself. you remind me that it's possible to go through all the stages of adolescence and young adulthood, and both see and feel so much hopelessness and negativity and doubt, and still be able to see happiness in all the small things. like finding peace in petting a small, fluffy animal. you've become the type of adult we all look up to. I'm so proud of you.

hao

I don't know, I just see so much of myself in you. in the way you were the smart kid who did well in school, the kid who worked hard at everything he did, the kid who got compliments from teachers and other people's parents. you could have had anything you wanted- you would have done what it takes to achieve it- and you chose with your heart. people probably had a lot of (high) expectations on you and you made a decision that was for you- something that you really wanted- and you worked as hard as you always did because you knew that you could do it if you really wanted to. I envy your courage to chose with your heart and follow your dreams. maybe one day I can learn it from you.

hanbin

sometimes I think that I can see when your perfect mask starts to slip and your facade cracks a little, and you race to patch up the holes before anyone takes notice. it's okay. I do it too. in some ironic way it makes you even more relatable. there's so much good in you and there's even more desire to be good, do good, make it overflow and spread to everyone around you and paint the whole world in yellows, smiley-faces and sunflowers. "don't regret what you do". I'm not sure if it's meant for me or for yourself. I hope it's for yourself. I hope you let yourself be bright, loving, and most importantly happy, even if it makes you imperfect, more raw, and easier to hurt. people will be ready to love you just as you are. they will love you because they want to return the good you have given. you make me want to do more good.

matthew

there's something very genuine in the way you carry yourself. it's unfair to just call it "unfiltered"- I think I would call it unapologetic, authentic, honest. you're not the type of person to lie about what type of music you listen to or order a plain salad when you're with people you don't know too well. I still have a feeling that you want to be impressive, but you don't try hard to impress. you want to do and be and try so many different things but you won't do it anything at your own expense. you will always say what's on your mind, always do things your way, even if not everyone agrees with you, because it's your life and you won't live it for others. it's admirable. please don't ever start apologising for the way you are.

taerae

I love how you're the colour yellow personified. from the duck emojis to the way you laugh at every joke like they're the funniest thing you've ever heard. you're so warm and fun and I just want to be around you all the time so I can re-learn how to be silly and not wince at the way my face scrunches up when I laugh. it's like you've already figured it out. how to be kind and caring and happy without being scared of being soft and vulnerable. there's so much comfort but also stability and security radiating from you and it's so infectious. I hope you never waver from that. I hope your laugh will always fill up the room and you will keep drawing your ducks and you will keep making your silly little poses. you seem like you're having so much fun.

[glacierbash]

Y'know, any time I start to talk about this game, I feel obligated to lead with the funniest fact I have: I absolutely hated Final Fantasy, for myriad reasons both personal and amusing. I hated, for example, the way Elezen were shaped. I hated that Lalafell looked so young. I hated that everybody acted like it was so great, and by sheer contrarian nature I decided I would simply never play this game. And for quite some time, that worked! I'd bombard my partner with whatever media algorithms recommended me involving FFXIV, just to make fun of it. I detested this MMO, without having ever tried it. And yet, deep down, I knew I wanted a community. I wanted to be around people, even if through an online medium. When I worked at the library, my coworker set up a WoW private server that I spent some time fucking around in, but deep down I wanted people. Try as I might, I couldn't deny some part of me wanted to see what the game was all about.

So, I tried it. I spent 30 minutes exactly between opening the character creator to first posting a name that, genuinely, would define more than 2 years of my life: Iverelle Vauvenelle.

I spend about 2 days playing the game, one being chased around by strangers who my partner swore were good people, and one just questing on my own--and it was fine. I got to MSQ level 24, quite literally one quest away from being able to travel to other city states, and I stopped. I played my fair share, I played 5 hours, and I decided the game wasn't for me. I put it down for several months, when I was approached by somebody who I am no longer friends with. He said I should play the game again, keep going just long enough to travel to Gridania, so that I could see one of his alts--and maybe, we could play together! I didn't want to upset him, so I said "fine," and gave it another try.

By the end of the week, I was finishing up ARR, and moving into post patch, and something just... Changed for me. I'm not sure what it was, honestly. It's not like the game magically changed for me then, or if Iverelle had become perhaps my most meaningful character ever, but something shifted, and I found myself enjoying the game. It didn't even make sense to me then when I bought a subscription to the game, but I knew that something here was special. I just... Had to.

Post patch took me about a month, with multiple days spent stressing out over queuing into Good King Mogglemog out of fear and anxiety, because the trial was labeled as hard and my disorder was, frankly, at its worst. But, I managed to do so anyways. The victory was meaningless for most people, but for me? It was beyond words, just how important it was that I did content with other people, especially considering I went through all of ARR solo.

I made it to the end of ARR, to the infamous cutscene, when I realized I was sick with covid. In VC with two of my friends, I said the infamous line: "I think I have a fever." What a way to enter Heavensward, huh? I think it is in no small part due to Covid that Heavensward ended up being my favorite expansion of all time, and why Ysayle Dangoulain ended up being my favorite character of all time. Sickness and quarantine gave me all the time in the world, and being far too sick to be anxious, I sped through the story. One week later, I was done with Heavensward.

And of course, by now, I am finished with Endwalker and awaiting Dawntrail. For 2 years of my life now, I have been playing this game nigh daily. I stay up late playing it, I finish my daily responsibilities as soon as possible to play it, and I find myself enjoying it. I never thought that would happen, truth be told. More importantly than enjoying the game itself, though, is the friends I met.

I have lived a very isolated life. Partially due to my anxiety making me extremely averse to interacting with people, and partially due to how I've been raised, I struggle a lot with people. Autism, anxiety, and having not been properly socialized made me terrible. I longed for new friends, but I hated the effort that went into it. Imagine my surprise when one day, I found myself driving out to meet people who I play this game with, to spend time with them? When I found myself wanting to meet them?

And yet, here I was. I was driving out to meet these people who I play this game with--and more importantly, they wanted to meet me. Even as I think back on that day, I start to tear up. It was one of the most important days of my life. Were it not for this game, for playing it daily, for being dragged into a Free Company and for sitting in calls with people because of this game, I would not have known these people. They are some of the most important people in my life.

I think of the late nights playing Mahjong, or doing PVP, or treasure maps, or just sitting around talking. I think of those nights and then having to wake up early for work, waking up exhausted but so happy. I think of staying up until damn near 5 in the morning talking about whatever it is that comes to mind. I think about stupid inside jokes, and shared experiences, and the stories that I'll tell for years to come.

It's just a game. Final Fantasy XIV is, at the end of the day, just a game--and yet, that game has served as a way for me to grow as a person in ways I've never thought possible. My anxiety has not magically been cured, mind; but, when I'm able to talk to strangers and my heartrate doesn't skyrocket, when I'm able to do things in this game that once terrified me, when I'm able to exist comfortably not just in this game but in the outside world, I realize that it's done more for me than I'll ever be able to say. Yes, it is just a game, but people play a game due to a shared interest, no? And through that shared interest, friendships can blossom. To say that I love my friends, the people I met ultimately because of this game, would be an understatement, and I fear I do not make that clear enough.

Stupid as it is to say, Final Fantasy XIV has changed my life, for the better. Dawntrail is coming in just a few short hours, and though I am a whirlwind of emotions, the predominant one is excitement. I was there for the end of an era, and now I am here for the start of a new one.

So thank you. If you read all the way through this, thank you. If you skimmed just to the end, thank you. Thank you to my friends, especially. I would not be here as I am now were it not for you all.

Here's to a new adventure, friends :^] (Second screenshot featuring: @gailiag, the best viera on hydaelyn)

[sunnysssol]

🌙🍯🧀 for suzie!!! (from the oc ask :3)

Thank you for the question, friend (^-^)/💖 didn't expect anyone would ask for Suzie LOL but do remember I take them for canon characters too !!

🌙 (crescent moon) - Does your character have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

Not to ASOIAF-post but someone clocked Suzie as a Tully of Riverrun before and it's so real I fear. ISTJ Suzie sticks to "Family, Duty, Honor" as their morals, specifically the "duty" part even if the other two get a little murky at times. When they first became an Assistant, they were beholden to serve England and America (then the Thirteen Colonies). That was their duty, not just to themselves but their family. But eventually, when it became clear to them that they can't have both, Suzie chose the one they had always felt more personally towards rather than the one laid out by all those who came before them. They stopped spying on Alfred for Arthur, basically. And up until now, Suzie lives with duty as the double-edged sword in their hand. Family is more than just the people related to them by blood (hell, even Uncle Wilfred is 40 something generations apart from them, making the blood relation very, very thin), and honor is subjective.

🍯 (honey) - What are some reasons someone would like or get along with your oc? Are these positive traits something your oc is aware of?

Suzie is highly competent and sensible even when she ought not to be and even when she doesn't feel like she is. I feel like I've mentioned it a few times here but Suzie really just has a lot of common sense and that's a rare enough thing (at least in Clownville, Hetalia LMAO) that people naturally gravitate to them to take charge 😭 she won't be patronizing– she won't coddle you either and while I think it can come across as a bit harsh in the beginning, it's clear to see that's just how she cares for people. It's not hard to like somebody who consistently and reliably has your back :'] I think Suzie is aware of it, but she doesn't really know that it's the reason why people like her so much. She thinks people like her because of her connections and/or the fact that she's always "prepared for bullshit". Is it willful ignorance, or does she really not know? Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The question asked for traits and I focused on just one LOL but, here're a few quick others:

"Prepared for bullshit" — a thousand back-up plans, their car loaded with everything one could possibly ever need and a general sense of "I'm here, demons. Come and get me." are the building blocks to one Suzie.

Practical, but supportive — will honestly tell you if an idea is bad and could be asked to give you some ideas, but won't try to take control away from you.

Prudent and punctual — If they say they'll be there, they'll be there and be on time. Even if they said it was a bad idea or even if they'd feel out of place there because they show up for the people they care about :'3

🧀 (cheese) - What’s the funniest thing that your character has ever done? Alternatively, what’s the funniest thing that’s happened to them?

Aahh i'm weak with comedy auwhshdh but I feel like Suzie is somebody who isn't necessarily funny, they just become funny through sheer coincidental comedic timing or just on principle with how unbothered they can be when something may or may not literally be on fire just a few steps behind them 😭 maybe their very blunt and colorful way of speaking or the faces they pull after they promise not to judge? Suzie Live Reaction type beat. And she has called people "cunts" to their faces multiple times in various professional and non-professional settings despite her very businesslike personality. Suzie never gossips, if she has a problem with someone, they'll know almost immediately 😭

[2:38 AM] Everything and nothing is funny when your life and everything you have ever stood for and cherished is a joke 👍

[2:40 AM] you good baby???

[2:40 AM] I burnt my fucking eggs, Alfred

[2:40 AM] OH LMAO

[2:41 AM] Jesus what am I, a muppet??? It was on low too. Fucking hell

[2:41 AM] it's okay baby, i'd still love you even if you were a muppet

[2:41 AM] the cutest muppet on Earth 😂❤️

[2:41 AM] Can your love for muppet me un-burn my fucking eggs???

[2:42 AM] CALM DOWN BRO DAMN 😭 i'll get you some new eggs if you want some so damn bad

[2:42 AM] Hold on just lemme get dressed

[2:43 AM] Unless you want me with no pants on

[2:44 AM] 👀?

[2:44 AM] I'm good.

[2:44 AM] I just want eggs

[2:45 AM] You and those fuckin eggs 😭 ok okk

[boxenstopp]

it's 1 am, anyway time for walkthrough of my entire rewatch of czech it out. as my brain slowly melts into pieces. get ready for a long-as-shit post.

EPISODE 1!!!!!

can i say. first of all. wtf are these graphics. what were they thinking and why does it kind of work with the atmosphere.

second of all. introduction of the coffee. does carzzy like coffee? is that his coffee? who made the coffee? all differs depending on the video.

introduction of the smiley "i agree to anything carzzy says" humanoid. he has that rookie vibe here like he's very unsure of himself but oh boy marek, carzzy is not a stable anchor.

also, carzzy calling humanoid "marek brazda" every chance he gets, istg. he 100% says it just because he loves how it sounds. brazzzzda.

cut to carzzy calling him unskilled and we get the classic "i've been insulted by carzzy" face. i love that he has these patented modes. so far we've had "carzzy loml you can never do anything wrong (meant ironically)" and "carzzy loml 🥺🥺 spare me anything sir i haven't but a penny" (it has been 40 seconds)

face is exemplified when carzzy goes out of his way to place his cup on (what i assume is) humanoid's desk, cause of course he does.

humanoid gets asked a question about mid and so carzzy is RESPECTFUL and lets humanoid speak.

just leaving this here. btw: "marek brazda" counter: II

i realize at this point there are so many things to point out but i'm too lazy to screencap them. first of all, carzzy complaining about pantheon/taliyah and humanoid who was not listening at all just going "nice :)" and carzzy also needs a moment to register and then goes. "no." and then they start arguing about something with approx. 0 heart and 2 braincells of what they're arguing about. and then carzzy does the thing where he lets humanoid get the last word (thing he does all the fucking time) and just hums like a girl cause SHE IS down bad. (btw me calling carzzy a girl is not an insult it's an um actually? 🏳️‍🌈🤓 moment.)

G2 TIME!!

one of the most important things about carzzynoid is their nonchalant complete factually incorrect statements. can guarantee you they think it's the funniest shit ever, however, it's only funny if no one laughs. they have these voices where you can tell they're trying to make themselves sounds as uncaring as possible. anyway yeah guys, g2 is 10th, 9th place team for sure.

CAN I SAY. carzzy's heterochromia is insane in these early videos. every close-up on his face i go woawwww!! idk if it's more noticeable or if i'm just going insane. anyway humanoid goes on to end the segment with "pojďme se na to společně podívat!" (according to software that seems about correct to me) meaning "let's take a look at it together" otherwise LITERALLY meaning "check it out." or something pretty close. as an EXTREME linguistics nerd and general languages lover i think hearing them speak czech makes me explode about 10 times anyway so. idk if that's a correct analysis :)

THIS carzzy smirk. i could write a paragraph here honestly. anyway humanoid asks a question and carzzy does not answer because why would he.

EYES.

then carzzy goes on a rant about how amazing their coach is only for his genius mordekaiser pick to be wasted on MAREK BRAZDA (counter: III)

insulted marek left, "i'm not blaming anyone" marek right. (carzzy was totally blaming you dude. you're both so horrible.)

carzzy checks in on humanoid for that one, lmao. makes sure that he understands, yep.

NEXT DYNAMIC UP!! the fuckin sad lions/chad lions thing. carzzy thinks they are "sad lions" cause they lost both games.

carzzy calls humanoid a czech, a clearly very embarrassing insult. also he hesitated a bit which meant he was SCRAMBLING for a different insult but really. czech? that's the best he could come up with. pussy.

anyway he's bullied marek into participating in the content and so he actually has to give his thoughts and he thinks he's a bad chad bitch who actually LET them win. also "this guy" counter: I. because humanoid hates calling carzzy anything actually. carzzy is just a pest to him and he needs to express that to carzzy face. obviously.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION!! i love how their dynamic is straight up insult each other until one person goes: actually you're the best i love you so much you're so hot so talented i agree with everything you say i'm a shit stain you're a saint i'll do anytthing-

VIDEO END

final thoughts: ough it's 2:30 am now but it was worth it honestly feels fucking amazing to type all this out imma go to sleep hopefully nobody reads this because really you're wasting your time. if you did <3 thanks.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

One of the funniest subplots in the Donald Trump Indictment Show—which centers on the hush money payment made to porn star Stormy Daniels in 2016—involves the multiple reports that, after predicting to his followers that he would be arrested on March 21, the ex-president and his allies came to believe he was in the clear.

Trump, The Washington Post reported late Thursday, “had grown cautiously optimistic” in recent days, after “advisers had counseled him that a possible indictment by a Manhattan grand jury…would not come for some time—if at all.” The former president, the outlet noted, was apparently so unconcerned about the prospect of being charged that he’d “even begun joking about ‘golden handcuffs,’” which is probably not something one does if one thinks there’s a legitimate possibility they might be indicted, convicted, and sentenced to time in prison. “It was a surprise to everybody,” David Urban, a longtime Trump adviser, told the Post, which noted that “some of his lawyers had been preparing to take a few days off.” Following the indictment, The New York Times similarly reported that “Trump and his aides were caught off guard by the timing, believing that any action by the grand jury was still weeks away and might not occur at all.” The paper of record noted that Trump had recently been “telling nearly anyone that he was in a good mood and that he believed the case against him by Alvin Bragg, the Manhattan district attorney, had fallen apart.”

Of course, the biggest indication that Trump indeed believed he’d outrun Bragg? His taking to Truth Social on Wednesday to write: “I HAVE GAINED SUCH RESPECT FOR THIS GRAND JURY, & PERHAPS EVEN THE GRAND JURY SYSTEM AS A WHOLE…. THE GRAND JURY IS SAYING, HOLD ON, WE ARE NOT A RUBBER STAMP, WHICH MOST GRAND JURIES ARE BRANDED AS BEING, WE ARE NOT GOING TO VOTE AGAINST A PREPONDERANCE OF EVIDENCE OR AGAINST LARGE NUMBERS OF LEGAL SCHOLARS ALL SAYING THERE IS NO CASE HERE.” Sure, that could have been an unabashed attempt to sway the jurors through flattery—but, in retrospect, those very much sound like the words of a man who was extremely confident he was not going to be indicted. “Such respect”! “The grand jury system as a whole”! “The grand jury is saying, hold on”! Do you think he still stands by these statements? If there were ever a time for the internet-ism “ROTFLMAO,” it would be now.

In related news, according to the Times, Trump was less focused on “the legal consequences” of the indictment Thursday than “the political implications.” Trump previously said he would not drop out of the 2024 presidential race if charged, boldly claiming that being indicted might actually help his chances of making it back to the White House. One adviser told the Post that the ex-president and current presidential candidate is planning to “milk [the indictment] for all it’s worth politically.” And while Trump has reportedly raised millions since he first claimed he’d be arrested earlier this month, it does not appear that people are reacting exactly as he had hoped.

Per the Post:

"The causeway that leads to Mar-a-Lago has long been a rally spot for Trump supporters, especially during his presidency, when they would regularly gather to cheer on his motorcade. But as the sun set along the causeway Thursday, more people were fishing for sand perch and croaker than had shown up to support the former president. Shortly before 8 p.m., only a half dozen Trump supporters had amassed in their usual spot."

Meanwhile, according to the Times, on Thursday, “a large group of former Trump Organization employees was quietly cheering the latest developments via text messages.”

[mvshortcut]

Ranking every time the Ten Men get taken down by how cringe fail they are (Part 2)

Warning: this post contains major spoilers for Riddle of Ages!

We're back again already, folks. Part 1 is here; now it's time for round 2 of some good old pointing and laughing.

Book 4: The Riddle of Ages

first appearance of my problematic faves the Katz brothers! There's always gotta be one cowardly goon in the lot, and the Scaredy Katz fulfill their role admirably. This knockout isn't too cringe-worthy, although the dramatic "Now!" [immediately gets knocked out] is quite comical, as well as the image of him trying to run on his knees. 3/10

And here we have Garrotte being painfully average once again. Although this one is made more interesting by the fact that he and Sharpe apparently jumped some random businessmen on the street and stole their completely normal briefcases, then had the audacity to be surprised when said completely normal briefcases didn’t hold up well in a combat scenario. It’s almost as if they’re designed to hold paperwork, not fend off a flurry of tranquilizer darts. Who would’ve thunk. Also. You could literally walk into any Home Depot and find dozens of items more suited for this purpose, which the Ten Men easily could’ve done if they weren’t so darn committed to the stonks bit. 

Also, “Most unfair! Such shoddy materials!” is the funniest possible thing you could say upon getting knocked out. It’s giving “trust fund kindergartener encounters Crayola crayons during art class for the first time ever.” Please just say “god damn it” like a normal person. 4/10

See this one is so funny to me. You're telling me that the infamous shock watches, which have terrorized several of our beloved characters over the course of the series, can be defeated simply by doing simple gymnastics? it's giving "show Sticky doing long division in his head to defeat Curtain's infamous Happiness brainwashing." Also, you're telling me you can knock out people simply by throwing darts at them? wild. anyways. I love Katz getting knocked out mid-threatening leap. 5/10

diversity win! Milligan won't kill you but he isn't above shooting you in the ass! 7/10

sorry this is so long but we need the full context to appreciate how cringe this is. imagine you brought five (5) of your best men to locate SQ Pedalian, a young adult not particularly skilled in combat, and also to fight a teenage girl. And now it's gone so sideways that you're literally the last one left standing. Standing, on top of an ice cream truck that you pushed on top of your opponent, who is now trapped beneath and yet has his hands casually laced behind his head as if he's tanning on the beach. And you got tricked into standing there, pinned by an empty gun, and simply watching while he loads darts into the (previously empty) gun. And now he's just shooting a bunch of empty darts at you, one after another, while you have to stand there and wait for him to finally knock you out. I think I would disintegrate on the spot. Also "You wouldn't shoot me in the face. That's not your style" bestie you just watched him shoot Sharpe in the ass. Would you prefer that instead? 9/10

This one might take the cake. First of all, they all fell for the trap, so now they're stuck in jail again like 3 days after escaping. And then, the teenage girl you've been terrorizing for years finally turns your stupid condescending pet names right back on you before a nine year old uses her mind powers to make you knock yourself out with your own weapon. 🫵 CRINGE. 10/10

Still very cringe, though less so than McCracken. It's kinda funny that Constance made them use their shockwatches instead of the (less painful) handkerchiefs. 6/10

Y'know, given the Katz brother's astounding loser energy, I'm amazed that they might actually have the least cringe take down. Taking the coward's way out. I respect it. Love them staring out the window. sad tigger gif here. Bonus points for ratting out Crawlings for being awful. 1/10 and two gold star stickers for them both

And, finally, for the grand finale, our favorite cringe boy is back:

Crawlings is making up for having fewer appearances in this book by making his COUNT. and YIKES. I literally have to step away every time I read this. From the supervillain monologue, to everyone groaning at him and then simply ignoring him (knowing what's about to happen), to Crawlings immediately poisoning and temporarily paralyzing himself the SECOND he gets a chance to be the Final Girl. And then he gets thrown back into jail. Plus the fact that he's on the floor about to pass out still wondering when the "Genius Serum" will kick in. uhhh. y'know, Crawlings, I might not be a genius either, but I have the slightest inkling that all may not be going according to plan. 11/10

And there we have it folks! The final rankings are:

Hertz: 6

The Katz Brothers: 9

Garrotte: 14

Sharpe: 22

McCracken: 35

And, in first place, with 36 points, our beloved Crawlings.

In conclusion,

[iwillrememberyoumarathon]

Bangel fans, we want to hear from you! During the run-up to the IWRY Fic Marathon in November, we’ll be getting to know each other through our Meet the Fandom series. Answer the questions here to join in.

What is your name?

Kean

Where do you hang out?

AO3, Tumblr: @keanherself and Discord

Do you create any fan works?

I write fic and have made some underwhelming gifs and art pieces.

Funniest Bangel/Buffyverse moment?

When Buffy is telling Angel about her 18th Birthday plans.

Buffy: I do have plans. Older man, very handsome, likes it when I call him daddy. Angel: (laughing, relieved) Your father. . . . Angel: (horror and fear taking over every cell of his being) It is your father, right?

Please see the very wonderful rendering by @liam-summers

What Buffyverse opinion would have you chased through the village with pitchforks?

Spike is the appendix of the verse. Functionally useless but will randomly explode and ruin everything just to get attention.

Share a headcanon you have about Bangel or the Buffyverse?

I have this theory that Angel only ever wore the Claddagh ring when he felt hopeful or when he felt he had something to offer to Buffy (and the maybe even the world).

First off, I just want to put down the guidelines for Claddagh ring wearing:

Single but open to something - Right hand, heart out.

In a relationship - Right hand, heart pointing in.

Engaged - Left hand, heart out.

Married - Left hand, heart in.

Right, so when he gives the ring to Buffy in Surprise it is on his right, middle finger. I'm putting forward the suggestion that he wore it that way because she had yet to accept his offer of her own ring, or more pointedly his heart. He wore the ring indicating that he was not seeking out a relationship but his heart belonged to another. Essentially, he loved Buffy but was unsure if she wanted a fully committed relationship with him. However, her acceptance of his ring signified to Angel that she did want a fully fledged relationship with him. This was further confirmed by the consummation of said relationship that night. I have a feeling he possibly would have pulled back from sleeping with her if they hadn't exchanged rings. No proof, just a hunch.

OK, so now it is season three and Angel does not wear the ring at all, in fact he doesn't wear it again for an entire two seasons. Not until he is told about the Shanshu Prophecy. I think he does this because for those two years Angel had no reason to believe he could offer Buffy any type of life. The only two times he does wear the ring are when he is blissfully ignorant of the curse loophole and when he is given hope of a light at the end of the tunnel i.e. Shanshu and humanity. He once again removes the ring when Darla and W&H mess with him and he loses all hope in regards the work he does, the difference he is making, and the nature of his fate.

Basically, when he has no reason to believe he can offer anything he removes the ring. I think the ring signified hope and possibility to him, and Buffy embodies both of those things for Angel.

How would you have given Buffy and Angel their Happily Ever After?

They start working together post canon. They both feel a shift in the apathy and coldness they have both been feeling separately during the years previously while they were separated. They realise that just being around each other makes a huge difference to their day to day emotional lives. They decide that they shouldn't wait around for some perfect time when they can be together. They realise that it will never happen. They seek out a way to resolve the issue with the curse and they live and fight together. It is a tough, challenging life, but one that is also filled with joy and love and gratitude. They die together in battle and spend eternity with each other in the Good Place.

Last fic you read?

Love Bites by Maquis Leader. It's a lot of fun.

Slay, Lay, Obey - Giles, Wesley, Willow?

Slay: Willow. Second only to [redacted] in my list of enemies. Good riddance.

Lay: Dark!Twisty!Wes. Giles just has too much Dad energy to boink.

Obey: Giles. Truly a terrible choice between "steal bff's baby" and "poison slayer!daughter because of tradition" but I am going with Giles in the hope that my fellow librarian will at least consult appropriate texts before ruining my life.

Fill in the quiz so the fandom can meet you!