#i think yesterday but maybe this morning? hhhh

[beesorcery]

AND i cant even make myself a sweet treat

[marinaiguess]

wholesome wednesday :)

This was supposed to be smaller but...oh well. Have fun with a wholesome brothers moment I came up with today, set after the events of sonic riders zero gravity. i wanted to share this only on the discord server im in, but it’s too long to send it hhhh. so, i hope you enjoy :)

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“Mornin’ buddy.” he jumps a little at the greeting, ears still sensitive from their last adventure. Maybe from the lack of sleep as well.

“Good morning, Sonic.” he replies, mentally slapping himself. His voice sounded way too coarse, even coarser than Sonic’s, and now he is certain he is going to get lectured very soon. Despite that, he continues his work, trying to cover up for the slip up by not letting his brother see his face and - potentially - the dark bags under his eyes. Maybe if he acts like nothing is wrong, Sonic won’t suspect a thing and-

“Tails?” he doesn’t flinch, even though it felt like Sonic was on the verge of interrogating him. Instead, he minds his own business. 

“Yeah?”

“Miles.” A hand on his shoulder and the sound of his birth name in that strict tone, urge him to turn around on his chair as he lets out a long sigh. Tools still in his hands and ears hanging low, Tails suddenly finds interest in the tiles of the workshop’s floor. 

Sonic bends down in an attempt to hold Tails’ gaze, not letting go of the fox just yet. He tilts his head as he tries to get his attention, but his little bro looks the other way, still actively avoiding him. Sonic scoffs at that, impressed by the youngster’s stubborness. 

“Hey, don’t act like looking away can hide your puffy eyes from me.” Sonic resists the urge to roll his eyes as he states the obvious. Yet, that seems like this is enough for Tails to look back at him, though hesitantly, because he knows without a shadow of doubt that there is no chance of escaping getting scolded.

A pair of emerald eyes pierce through him and Tails feels uneasy (and a little disappointed in himself) as soon as he watches Sonic’s serious expression morph into a concerned one. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

Tails brings one tail closer to him, fidgeting with its tip the best he can while not letting the tools out of his grasp. “Who said I didn’t sleep? I-i just got up early because I needed to work on this new prorject of mine that-”

“Tails.” Sonic cocks an eyebrow, voice dangerously calm; it feels like a warning. “How about you try that again? This time no lying though?” 

“I was working on something a-and-”

“Tails,” Sonic interrupts his stuttering in a sing-song voice “I think I said no lying?”

Tails grumbles and crosses his arms. He hates it when Sonic can tell that he islying when he can get away with it all the time! 

Sonic doesn’t know for how long he has to be mad at him, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to keep a straight face when his little bro is pouting in front of him. Aww he’s so cute. 

Still impressed by his persistence (and refusing to let him see a smile slip up while he was getting scolded) , Sonic gets up and lets him go. He knows he won’t get an answer this way so he decides to take a look at what Tails had been tinkering with. 

A yellow extreme gear lies atop of the workbench, alongside many blueprints and scattered tools. 

Sonic inspects it for a few seconds, it seems like nothing has changed since the last time he took a look at it; since yesterday’s events. And usually, when Tails tries to improve his inventions, he makes sure to make it evident that there has been a change made. Right now? Nothing has changed. 

“So, you’ve been working on your extreme gear?” he takes a shot again, hoping he will get an answer this time. 

Tails turns around, facing him. “Yeah!” 

Sonic couldn’t help but notice the uncertainty in his voice. “And, I guess you could show me what exactly took you all night to figure out?” 

He got a wince as a reply. And a fox who appeared to be shinking on his seat the more he kept this conversation going. 

“So, nothing new then.” He traces his fingertips across the smooth metallic surface of the gear. Their only weapons against yesterday’s adventure. 

His eyes widen in realization. 

“Tails, buddy...” he trails off as he allows his face to soften, approaching his brother who is having a hard time comprehending the sudden change in demanour from the other person in the room. “You could’ve told me.” 

“Tell you what?” he counters, confusion prevalent on his features while carefully spectating Sonic who had stopped a few inches away from him. 

“Yesterday was tough for you-”

“What do you mean?” he almost sounded offended and Sonic could only wince at that. So, he bent forward, both hands on his buddy’s shoulders as he continued.

“Alright, yesterday was tough for all of us.” he admitted, images of flying into outer space occupying his mind. “So, you have every right to feel scared, it wasn’t easy-

“I’m not scared!” Tails leans forward, holding Sonic’s gaze as he tries to persuade him. As he tries to persuade himself. Sonic needs a useful and fearless ally by his side, not a whiny and scared little child who backs down at the dangers that come his way. Even though he proved to be the opposite of that yesterday, he still was afraid and the aftermath of the fight wasn’t the best for him. 

Sonic steps back, arms wide open on his sides as he tries to reason with the genius in front of him, “Dude, it was a black hole! The whole world was gonna be blown to pieces, of course you were scared.” A beat of silence and Sonic quickly makes use of Tails’ refusal to speak. “We had to fight a giant mutated robot too, all that while a thunderstorm was happening.”

Tails’ eyes lit up with fear, the reminder of the thunderstorm making his fur stand on edge. 

Sonic wants to get closer to him once again but decides against it, as another idea pops up in his mind. “Hey, listen to me.” he says as he bends down to his eye level. “I’m proud of you. And you are the bravest person I know. You didn’t let your fears stop you from saving the world and that’s one of the coolest things you’ve ever done! I wish I were as cool as you, kicking ass while trying not to drown.” Tails snorts at that and as a result, Sonic’s smile brightens up. “Metaphorically and literally. But you need to give yourself some credit. You did great out there.”

“You...you mean it?” 

“Of course I mean it!” he stands straight, hands planted on his hips, “And you deserve to let yourself get scared. Just remember that you have friends who will try their best to help you out with that.” 

Tails smiles for the first time today and Sonic considers that a win. 

“Come’ ere.” Sonic opens up his arms, an invitation which Tails can do nothing but accept. He bumps head first into his chest as he circles his arms around his waist, grip as strong as the hammer that was long gone from his hands, just like the other tools on his chair. Sonic makes sure to return the gesture, tightening his hug as much as he can, head on top of the yellow bangs he usually likes to ruffle. 

He can feel Tails’ smile grow wider on his chest and it makes him happier by the second. He closes his eyes to embrace this moment. Before making the both of them sit on the floor, a fox snuggled up in his arms, looking as little and vulnerable as he was a long time ago, Sonic makes sure to kiss his forehead softly. 

And he does the same again as he sits against the counter of the workbench, with a fast asleep Tails inside the safety of his hug. 

[causenessus]

HI LOVELY!! good morning afternoon or evening to you! how’s your day been!! i hope you’ve eaten AND REMEMBER TO EAT DURING UR LONG SHIFTS OR I WILL APPEAR ON UR SCREEN !!! (lovingly) the way i gasped when i read your response because i was just like… YOU DIDNT EAT? :( i was so distraught but i hope whatever u had for dinner was good, but still !! always remember to eat and take care of yourself or the ghost of me will scold u (lovingly again) (nothing but love for you always)

today i had banh xeo for breakfast (tbh at this point i feel like you can guess what nationality i am LMAO) but OMG YOU LIKE VIET FOOD?? WE ARE SO SOULMATES !! TWIN FLAME !! AND OMG THATS SO CUTE I HAVE A VOICE IM HHHH that’s so cute i feel so very honoured but omg yesterday while i was like doing whatever right i had a realization that im literally like mystic messenger right now with the “make sure you eat!!” “how are you!!” like IM LITERALLY A CHARACTER IN MYSTIC MESSENGER RIGHT NOW THATS CRAZY (id be so embarrassed if you didn’t know what mystic messenger is but also would not blame you) ALSO YES WE CAN YAP TOGETHER I LOVE YAPPING BUT IM DEFINITELY YAPPING TOO MUCH LIKE I WANNA REPLY TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID SO IM LIKE HHH YAP YAP YAP me and ness are literally yapper and yapper like im trying to hold back but im here like omg among us??? omg whack dreams??? i wanna know what dreams??? omg school?? i’m school soon too!!

but but one more thing omg i’m so sorry LOL BUT I FEEL LIKE WE’RE IN THE SAME TIMEZONE?? BECAUSE EVERYTIME YOU MENTION THE TIME IN YOUR POSTS i check my time and im like huh.. silly… coincidence, but it’s 4pm for me rn !!maybe im crazy maybe im not but omg when it gets to school you can 100% rant about it because i will 100% do it too HAHA school has me like like genuinely tweaking like one small thing and im like OH MY GOD YOU WILL NOTTTT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

omg sorry i need to wrap this up but yes try again is amazing don’t doubt yourself and u can always yap to me whenever whenever like i’ll literally make a burner account and dm you instead so we can yap without having to flood your blog or if you don’t mind i don’t mind but mango anon loves you very much and mango anon would want ness to take care of herself forever and always and HAVE A GOOD DAY !!! xoxoxo

AAAAA OMG I AM HERE LIKE 11 HOURS LATER <33 DO NOT WORRY I AM EATING AS WE SPEAK BEFORE MY LONG SHIFT tbh i felt like so nauseous about eating anything though today idk why (i have like two suspicions lmao i def know why) but since i'm working i was like "then i'll just pick something up on the way there!!" so i went to my groccery store to get a sandwhich BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY </333 so i'm having a blazing dragon poke bowl instead??? and it's okay 😔 like i don't know how i feel yet about groccery store sushi and stuff but i've had it before!! it's just a bunch of spicy imitation crab, cucumber, carrots, and rice and i'm mainly just there for the rice. AND OMG i walked around the store bc i was trying to see if they had liquid death (caffeinated tea i think. i don't like it but i really need caffeine today </3) and they didn't have any and i decided to go back to like their little food section to get bao (you can probably guess my ethnicity too 😭) and i almost got hit bc this man WHIPPED around when i tried to pass him like i literally ducked i was so scared he was about to hit me and that man was STILL not aware of me. ANYWAY SORRY RANDOM STORY YOU AND ME AND VIET FOOD!!! TWIN FLAMES!!

ALSO OMG MYSTIC MESSENGER 😭 BRO I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT 707 LIKE TWO DAYS AGO WHEN THAT WHOLE ANON APOCALYPSE HAPPENED I WAS LIKE "i'm going to go 707 on these people and find out where they live and haunt them /hj" PLEASE I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THEIR LITTLE "remember to eat" messages and everything but it's so cute <33 and YES we will yap together!! i went in to school today although it starts tomorrow to switch up my schedule and going there was HORRIBLE i saw so many disgusting people :/// BUT i have a pretty good schedule now so it has it's pros and cons!!! i just give people dirty looks and accidentally saw "ew" aloud all the time :))) AND IK THAT SOUNDS MEAN BUT LIKE YK HOW PEOPLE ARE and the people that live in my state are all rich privileged kids and it never changes 😭 i see them everywhere AND THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME AND ACT THE SAME AND ARE GROSS

and LMAO A BURNER ACCOUNT I WOULD TOTALLY TAKE IT THOUGH!!! i'd love to talk to you whenever please please please feel free to make one and dm whenever you'd like!! <3 I LOVE SEEING YOUR ASKS THOUGH I LITERALLY WILL BE HAPPY EITHER WAY AS LONG AS I GET TO TALK TO YOU <3 I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY TODAY ANON!!

[linksthoughtbrambles]

Her Firelight, Her Lightning-Rod

Part 53 of Link's Thought Brambles (Mature Rating - warning for extremely extremely strong suggestion of NSFW things).

Soooo warm.  Cozy-comfortable.

Eh, stupid birds.  Shoosh.  Let a man snooze…

When’d I put jammies on?

Doesn’t matter.  They’re FLANNEL.  Warrrrrrrrm.

Burrow into pillow.  Deep breath. Ahh.

Something smells nice.  Green.  Flowery fields.  Sweet.

Odd.  Isn’t it almost winter?

I hear the fire crackling, so yeah, it’s cold outside.  I must be imagining it.

There’s another scent.  Really subtle.  Words for it?  It’s her scent.  Skin and hair and soft and light and salt and all the good things in the world wrapped up in one taste of her lips.

Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.  Food’s good, and she definitely doesn’t smell or taste like food unless she still has some in her mouth.  But she does have a smell and I smell it, even through the flowers.

What flowers?

Rrrrgh.  I have to open my eyes, don’t I?  But I’m so comfy… I feel the call of the entirely self-indulgent post-long-sleep-nap.

…Link.  You know when you stay awake long enough, even if you want to snooze, your stomach will stop you… right?  You’re going to-

Aaaaand there it is.  Get.  Hungry.  “Hphhhh.” Guess I have to open my eyes.

Oh!  And there she is!

“Hello, sleepyhead.”

Oh my Goddess, SO MUCH JOY, WHY ARE THOSE WORDS SO AWESOME?! “H-hello! Good morning, I love you so much and I’m so happy to see you!  Did you sleep on that chaise?”

“W- haha, my goodness!  Yes, Link. I slept right here, waiting for you to wake.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to be here when you did.”

Look at her stretching like that!  Her hair curving behind her like a windful sail while her fingers reach for the ceiling, her chest pushed out, the firelight flicking across the lines in her neck.  I would do exactly that with my tongue.  Push her hair back to let that fire touch more places.  To let my lips touch them, too.  Slow, tantalizing kisses from the nape of her neck up the back side, breathing in her hair, sliding my face against hers to where her lips are parted.  And they are parted.  For real, right now.

…But I must’ve had a rough day yesterday… because I don’t feel like getting up.  I’d much rather lay here and watch her stretch by the fire.  Or as the case may be, mess with the slate by the fire which is what she seems to be doing now.  Doesn’t matter.  I like watching anything she does.

Didn’t she say… all fuzzy… but… didn’t she say she wanted me to think about how I wanted her to touch me?  When was that?  OH.

Oh. …Are you reading this, Zelda?

Do you know I want to lick my way up your neck like the firelight?

But… damn… I feel heavy…

“First things first, Link.”

…Does that mean she was reading, or wasn’t she?

“You’ve had very little water since yesterday afternoon.”

Ooooh, ooh, I hear her pouring it and holy CRAP does my body want that, it’s making me sit up even though I’m an absolute wasteland of energy, why do I feel like I haven’t eaten in weeks?!

“Here-“

“GMPG- GMPG- GMPG- GMPG- GMPG-“

“Oh!”

“GMPG- GMPG­- GMPG- GMPG- GMPG- GMPG- GMPG-PGHHH hHHHhhh hhhh… hhhh.  Th-thirsty!”

“I oughtn’t be surprised.  More?”

“Yes, please.”

“GMPG- GMPG­- GMPG- GMPG-pghhhh.  Hhhh.  Hhh.  Gmpg-gmpg-gmpg-gmpg-gmpghhh.  W-wow.  Gmpg-gmpg-gmpg.”

“Hmm. Hmm hmm.”

“Hh. Hh.  What?”

“Your drinking noises.”

“Heh.  How… how long was I asleep?!”

“Only about four hours.  I imagine you woke due to thirst.  Mipha said not to wake you, and also that you’d need food immediately.  Here.”

“That’s one of those travel ration bars they make—”

“Indeed. Please eat it.”

Ohhhhhh.  Pumpkin seeds, SO MANY PUMPKIN SEEDS! Oats, armoranth, cranberries, honey, and I’ll be damned if there’s not suet in that.  These things are like concentrated energy-nuggets, and this is a particularly good one.  Better than last month’s batch.  All gone already?

“Yes, she said you’d be ravenous.  I take it… from what I saw on the slate, that is… that you do not recall what put you in this bed?”

“…Uh.”

“…Should I help refresh your memory, or would you prefer to eat more of these in peace?”

“I… well…. both?”

“Very well.”

Travel bar two!  Wwwwwater “Gmpg-gmpg-gmpgahhh.” Wow.

“Um.  Do you… recall the blessing ceremony?”

“Gmpg-gmpg. Hhh-hh.  Yeah, that was really nice.  A… big surprise!”

“Hehe.  Yes.  Good. And… do you recall what occurred afterward?”

Oh.  Oh yes… “You pulled me into a storeroom and kissed any sense I had right out of me.”

“Ah.  Yes, that’s one thing.  And… afterward, where did we go?”

“Well, we…. we….”  Oh s@#$, Link.  M-my Goddess.  “…we went to the festival.  The bailey.”

“… And do you-“

“You… don’t have to keep asking.  I remember….”  The arrow.  Agony.  Confusion.  I… drifted off at some point but I still felt the pain.  I can almost feel it now and and and my Goddess, I know what it feels like to have an arrowhead rip my beating heart on its way out of me and stop it dead and spill its blood directly into my chest holy holy holy please let me be able to forget that- the wound… it’s not… no, it’s not there at all.  Not even a scar, is there?  “Mipha.  She healed me.”

“Yes.  You survived the twenty-four hours needed.”

Good things.  Think about good things, Link.  “…Mom and Chee?”

“Oh, goodness.  Asleep.  Exhausted.”

“… and Mipha?”

“The same, I think.”

“But you stayed.”

“I did sleep—just not elsewhere.”

“The… flowers?”

“From Ria and Myrri.”

I should’ve guessed.  “No brambles this time, huh?”

“I suppose not, nor prickly pods.”

“…You saved me.”

“Indeed, not.  Mipha saved you.”

“No, Mipha healed me.  You saved me.  You killed the archer.  You stopped Vayden from slicing my throat open with that bizarre weapon.  Then you bashed him away from me with your bow.  And then… then you stabbed me with a couple pen parts and saved me from choking to death on my own air.  You never left this room, did you?”

“Untrue.  I did leave to relieve myself.”

“Heh, alright, fine… you almost never left this room.  And… uh… oh… you know what, I think I need the chamber pot.”

“Ah.  In that case, I’ll leave you for a few moments.  Here—the wash basin.”

“Thanks.”

.

This feels surreal.  How can I be doing normal things like eating, drinking, and having to pee after the completely horrifying stuff of the last day and a half?  Not that there weren’t some good things in there… but it’s like I entered the pages of a fireside horror story and now I’ve hopped back out… like it was nothing.

Not even a mark on my side.

Wow.

Uh.  Wash basin, Link.

Someone… someone must’ve cleaned me up and gotten me dressed. Um.  Oh... mom was here.  In the actual morning when there’s sun, I’m finding her and giving her the biggest hug she’s ever gotten and I don’t know what I can possibly do to make up for the torture she just went through, but I think taking her to the nicest restaurant in town might be a good start.  Flowers!  Flowers, lots of flowers.

Back under covers.  I… this is really weird, but I don’t think it’s my imagination.  I lost weight, didn’t I?  I’ve never had much fat on me, but I lost muscle mass.  I can tell.  My body wants me to conserve energy, stay warm, and eat some more.

Bar number three, I guess.

Knock! “I’m set, you can come in.”

“Better?”

“Much.”

“Good.”

…She’s doing the hand-wringing again.

I haven’t seen her do that since the morning in the tower.  Squeezing her own hands hard on the windowsill.  Worried about something.  I picked up her hands and she trembled in mine and our lives changed in an instant.  “Zelda?  What is it?”

“Hhh- hehhhh.”

Sitting on the bed beside me.  I feel where she’s dented the mattress.  Wish I could feel her warmth.  Lots of blankets between us.

She’s taking my hand.  Running her thumb behind the knuckle of my index finger.  Every tug of texture an arc of lightning to the muscles in my abdomen.  I guess… my body’s okay with the amount of food I’ve eaten for now, because I’m suddenly much less hungry.

“I’m going to tell you something, Link—something I should have told you quite a while ago.  I… I hope when I do, that you will be able to forgive me.  But… please know, I shall understand if you do not.”

“…You’re trembling.”

“Y-yes.”

Hylia’s light.  Whatever it is, she must think it’s real bad.  I can’t think of a single thing it could possibly be.  Something worse than her confession about killing Carok guy?  She said she didn’t feel bad about it at all…  thought it would upset me.  She wasn’t shaking then.  What could be causing this?

Is there anything… anything at all… that I wouldn’t forgive her for?  I mean, realistically… would I be upset if she had lots of lovers or something like that?  If I was just the last in a long line?

Yeaaaah.  Yeah, I would.  Would I forgive her?  …Yeaaaah.  But I’d be SO INSECURE.  It doesn’t seem likely, though.  Is there anything else that would even bother me?

I really don’t think so.  “… Zelda, whatever it is, it’s okay to tell me.”

“Hhh.  Hh.  I- I lied to you, Link.”

?? “You… about what?”

.

.

.

Oh Goddess.

I… I’m an idiot, aren’t I?  An idiot again.  As usual.

I can definitely think of something really bad.  Something that would upset me a lot.

She… doesn’t love me?

No.  No, please don’t let that be it.  Please, don’t.

Because I could easily see how maybe at the tower I misunderstood, and she didn’t want me to kiss her at all, but she enjoyed it, and then she got carried away, and then she said something at the blessing ceremony that I took too seriously and things were moving too fast and then I told her I loved her at the ball and then she felt like she had to say it back and then there wasn’t time to fix it because I got shot and I was dying so of course she couldn’t tell me she didn’t love me because it would upset me and…

And…

Please.  Please, don’t let that be it.

Please.

“Hylia forgive me, I see the disappointment on your face already, Link.  Do you… oh.  Oh, I imagine you have guessed what this is.”

No.

No.

…No…

Don't... don't you dare cry, Link. Don't you dare make her feel bad for being honest with you.

.

.

…I… meant what I said to her.

And it’s true even if she doesn’t feel the same way.

And… maybe she does like kissing me and wants to keep doing that, but she just overdid the words and lovey-dovey feelings part.  Maybe.  If I’m lucky.

But… either way… I’m hers.  She has my voice.  I gave it to her, and I meant it.  So… say something, Link.

“I… um.  Yeah, I mean… I can guess.”

“…Can you forgive me?  I’ve betrayed your trust.”

Well… not exactly.  I can see how you could’ve felt backed into a corner with this one.

“You don’t have to answer now.  Take… take your time.  For the moment, at least, perhaps one small consolation may be that the mystery of the birds is a mystery no longer.”

“…Huh?”

“The birds you keep mentioning- that you hear when you awaken.”

…Whaaaaaaat?

“Surely you’ve noticed you only hear them when I’m with you.”

…I do?

I do.  Oh yeah, that’s weird, and it has absolutely nothing to do with whether she’s in love with me or not what the crap is she talking about and WAS I WRONG?! Was it not that?!  Oh, please please please please PLEASE!

No, no, don’t get so excited, Link.  Maybe, you know, let her actually talk before you decide what she’s going to say.

“When you- when you collapsed after the melee, we brought you here of course.  I wanted to know the instant you woke.  I realized I had exactly the means to accomplish that with the slate.  I coded a notification in.”

Uhhh.  The slate can notify you of stuff?  That’s…. pretty cool.  Don’t know how it would know when I woke up… and again this really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with her feelings for me and I am SO confused and tears in her eyes?!  This doesn’t make ANY sense.  Notifications from the slate?  Why would that be a big deal?

“Link, there… there are no birds outside your room.  There is no nest.  The slate chimes if you… if you think… if there is a gap of more than twenty minutes.”

.

Huh?

If I-

Oh.

If I think.

If I THINK.

Hylia’s light.

She never shut it off.

Is that… is that all it is?!  That’s… that’s… OH, things make SENSE!  “You DID follow me.  Into the northeast quarter below ground.  You went there because I did.”

“Yes.”

Can’t help it.  The left corner of my mouth, again.  Pulling upward all on its own.

“Wh- why are you smiling?!”

“You followed me.”

“I did, and it caused a social catastrophe that nearly killed you!”

“Heh.  Why’d you do it?”

“Pardon?”

“Why come after me?”

“Well, I- your thoughts on the slate.  They’d disappeared overnight.  I thought you’d come to harm.”

“So why didn’t you send your guard to check on me?”

“I…”

Those watery green eyes of hers just went so wide.  She hadn’t even thought about it, had she?  Just ran down there after me the first chance she got!  “Were you going to rescue me, Princess?”

“Well.  Yes, that was the idea should you be incapacitated below.”

“All by yourself?”

“I…”

There’s that absolutely unignorable eyebrow crease, arching down in confusion.  Mouth opening like she’d speak but can’t find the words… closing… and opening again.

“I don’t know.  I don’t know what I’d have done had I found you there.”

“…I can think of a few things.”

“Oh- huh-“

She’s still trying to figure herself out.  Her eyes flicking back and forth like she’s reliving that entire morning.  But regardless of what she might have done… she wanted to be alone with me when she found me.

ALSO- this has absolutely nothing to do with her loving me now.  If anything, she had feelings for me earlier than I thought she did.

Right?

The left side of my face is just completely impossible to pull down, now.  “Hmhm-” Woah- don’t giggle, Link.   She’ll think you’re laughing at her.  “Alright.”

.

“Alright?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s ALL?”

“Hph.  Yeah.”

“You’re not angry with me?”

“Why would I be angry?”

“I lied to you!  Told you the slate no longer recorded your thoughts!”

“And instead of getting me reassigned to the furthest reaches of the Gerudo Highlands, you’re sitting here, with me.  On my bed.  My hand in yours while you slide your thumb against my skin.”

And there it is.  Her breath hitched.  Just a little.  Just enough to know it’s not my imagination.  It’s not.

“And instead of siding with everyone else in the melee, you asked for—and accepted—my sword.  Even though you must’ve known by then if you were still reading.  You must’ve known Virn was right.”

“He was NOT right.  You weren’t—LEERING at me or behaving inappropriately in any way.  You- you-“

“You’re splitting hairs.  He was right that I was watching you.  And he was right about why.”

“Well.  Not entirely.  Cranberry dressing is quite tempting.”

“Pffft.  Yeah.  It is.  Watching you eat it is better.”

“But certainly you… you must realize, Link… I lied to you because I wished to invade your privacy.  I wanted to learn what you truly thought of me.  I thought you despised me.”

“And you found out I didn’t.  AND that I was madly in love with you already.”

“…Yes.  Underhandedly.”

“…Okay. Underhandedly.  But… Zelda, you don’t have to be… I mean, we already talked about this a little.  You don’t have to be this… ideal person.  You have my love, and my loyalty, anyway.”

“And perhaps you have given it too easily.  I am not… do you not see- if you love me for who you believe me to be rather than who I am, it is not love.”

“So, what… do we need to hook you up to the slate so I can see your thoughts, too?  Would that be enough?”

“N-no, of course-“

“I’m never going to know everything about you.  And no matter how much you read that slate, you’ll never know everything about me, either.  Does that mean you couldn’t possibly love me?  Because you don’t know everything?”

“Link, I do love you.”

“And even when I thought you couldn't stand me, when you were giving me the cold shoulder and running off in Tabantha so I had to chase after you, I loved you then. This is much better--you loving me back. I'm not going to fuss about what made you change your mind."

“That… makes no sense!”

“Love doesn’t have to make sense.  It’s a feeling, not a puzzle.”

“Yet I cannot help but feel that I don’t deserve yours.  You would not have lied, would you?  Were our positions reversed?”

“…I’m not sure.  I… I might have.  It would’ve been hugely tempting.”

“Truly?”

“Yeah… but realistically, I’d have given myself away pretty quick.  I’d have been a nervous wreck.”

“Heh… heheheh… yes, you would have, wouldn’t you?  I am a far better liar than you are.”

“…I know.  But… you’re not lying to me now.”

Her eyes.  Boring into mine.

“I am not.”

“And… just in case it wasn’t already clear—I forgive you, Zelda.”

“Hhhhh.  Hhhh.”

She’s trembling far harder now.  Far more than when she feared my reaction.  I can feel it through the mattress.  And the warmth filling my chest… the warmth of knowing she still loves me…

“I feared- I feared you w-would… would no longer-“

“Don’t fear that.  Not ever.”

A tiny twitch of a smile.

She deserves to be a lot happier than that.  A LOT.

Sit up, Link.  You… you can do this.  Her hair.  Slide it across her back, fingers against her neck… rest her hair on her other side.  Eyes on hers.

“…Unless you skipped some things, you know the last thing I imagined you doing on this bed.”

That tremor- so violent it shook the bedframe.

“…You do know.”

“Y-yes.”

“And you’re still sitting here.”

A set jaw and a raised chin.  As if I was challenging her.

“Indeed I am.”

Calm.  Stay calm, Link.  “Later… you asked me to think of you.  I never had a chance.  But we’re here now.  And if you want me to… I can show you how I feel… rather than just think it.”

I hear the tremors in her breath.  So fast.  Mine’s starting up, too, but-

Wait.  Wait for her to answer.

“…Please. Please do.”

Please, she says.  That’s more than just a yes.

Okay, Link.  This isn’t one of your fantasies.  She needs you to show her how YOU feel.  Don’t expect her to climb on you and take control like she does in your head or grab you and… and tantalize you like she did in the storeroom.

And don’t lose your head, Link.  You love this woman.  Treat her with respect.  You… can’t do what you did in that fantasy (and most of them if you’re honest with yourself).

Her dress.  It’s minimal.   It leaves her bare to the edge of her collarbone where it meets her shoulder.  Right there.  A gentle kiss pressed to her shivering skin.

“Link.”

“Too much?”

“Ha! No. You... do like to be certain.”

“I do. At any point—if anything is too much—tell me.  The thing I want to do least in the world is hurt you.”

“Link, I frankly would allow you to take me fully here and now should you wish it.”

Breath!  So insistent.  I can feel my own heat puffing back at me from her shoulder.  There’s that… darkness again.  Like the tower.

Control it.  Focus on her.

“I won’t do that.”

Another pressed kiss. Torturously closer.

“Mmh.”

“I don’t have to assure you that I want to.” And another. “Because you’ve seen my thoughts.”  And another.

“Hhh-hh-”

“I don’t have to tell you I love you, either.” Another, only lips, just press, feel her shudder against them, don’t open, not yet.  The nape of her neck.  “Because you already know.”  A little higher… and taste.

“Hh- ohh-hh-!”

My Goddess, I can do this to her with barely a touch. Be that firelight, Link.  Almost intangible.  My tongue… flickering upward.  ”But I’m going-“ flick, kiss

“Oh-hh-”

“-to tell you-“ flick, kiss

“Mm-hh-”

“-anyway” flick, kiss.

“Link-hh!”

Flick, flick, flick, kiss-

“Hh-HH-“

-flick and dig my tongue deep, deep between those lines in her neck-

“Ohh-hh-Goddess, Link, my Goddess, p-please!”

 Yes- yes, I’ll find all your sounds-

“Mm-hh!  MM-HH!”

-I’ll drag them out of you with my tongue.  Yes, yes- your head thrown back, just like that, I can go deeper-

“OhhhhHh!  Mmh-mm-h-mmMmHH HH mmMMm!”

There it is, that senseless whimpering I was hoping for! More-

“MMh!  MMh!  Link!  Link, please, please, please, please- please!”

My center pulsing.  Desire- so- hot- so- immediate-

Don’t… don’t lose track, Link.

“P-please-“

You said… you said you’d tell her.

“Hhh-hh-“

You’ll have to put your tongue’s good work on hold… just for a moment. “I love you, Zelda.”

“Link- Link, I love you, too- please-”

Breathe.

“Please-“

Breathe, Link.  Mouth at her ear.

“-please-“

That darkness in me wants to plunge itself deep inside her.

“-oh Goddess, please don’t stop-“

To pin her down so she can’t possibly escape.

“-p-please, Link!”

To tear her clothes from her and pry her open and take what she wants to give me anyway.

“HH-hh-mm-mm-“

Just listen to her whimpering.  She wants it.  She wouldn’t resist.  She’d open and welcome me and consequences be damned.

“Link- please-“

Just breathing in her ear.

It’s driving her wild.  A shudder with every breath.

She’d let me in.

I’ve never been so tempted by anything.  And if she took control, I don’t think I’d be able to resist.

But this time… I’m in charge.

And I say I’m going to suck on her neck.  Hard.  Just beneath her jaw… so I can feel her pulse beneath me.

Now.

“hHHHH!”

Silence.  She can’t even breathe!  Pulling her skin into my mouth to lave at it mercilessly-

“h-HH!”

-and release.  Kiss that spot, Link, kiss in apology- that was rough.  “I- hope you liked that.”

“I d-d-did- hhhh-hh-“

Pulsing.  Pulsing.

She has my hand in a death-grip.  I’ll have to use the other one… caressing the small of her back and she’s arching up and I’m sliding so my hand sits curved around her hip, resting on the crease where it meets her thigh. My thumb moving upward and inward.

“Oh…”

She feels it.  How much I want to reach further.  To be more direct.

Not yet.

A kiss to the corner of her jawbone, open-

She’s released my hand, sinking her nails into my shoulder, it hurts, don’t care, she’s- her- other- hand- oh oh oh yes, do that- her hand… up my thigh “mmMm-mn-hh- Zelda-“

“Is this alright?“

It’s amazing kiss her reassure her chase her mouth, up her jaw, there, part her lips, part them with mine, sweet and reverent and pulling away each time, and each time she seeks me out again and it’s changing, it’s not just me anymore she’s meeting me head-on and searching for ways to catch more of her lips against mine and her hand, her fingers, her palm insistently exploring every contour of my thigh muscle, my Goddess I’ve never felt this need so urgently!

Our mouths- this angle- perfect, our open lips caressing each other in time, tasting heat and finally sealing completely- is it possible to taste lust?  I swear I do, a signal that means this time, there’s no stopping- does she taste it, too?

My hand at her hip, it’s moving my Goddess it’s like it has a mind of its own, pressing, finding her hip bone, caressing forward and backward, letting me learn its shape-

“Hhhh!”

Her gasp- our mouths locked- pulling breath directly from my body,  her thumb at MY hipbone, mimicking me, we’re so close, close to each other’s centers, and what the f#$* is wrong with you Link because now is WAY TOO LATE to start wondering whether one of the guards is right outside the door but I did, my sleepy wake-up brain forgot entirely-

“They’re not there.”

How did she know?

“Your eyes have wandered to the door, Sir Link, and you’ve ceased kissing me.  I’m afraid that’s entirely unacceptable.”

Alone, we’re alone, pulsing-

What’s her sudden worried-face for?

“Un- unless of course you wish to stop here, in which case I ask your forgiveness.  I have no intention to- to coerce you into-“

“I definitely don’t want to stop here.  Do you?”

“No.”

Spread that hand on her hip wide, Link.  Harder.  Circles grazing the curve below her back.  Lower.  Her hand is moving just a little, she’s thinking about it, she’s thinking about it, isn’t she?  Thinking about touching me somewhere else.

Have to distract her.  I’m not ready for this to be over that quickly.

My lips, her chin, her windpipe, draw a line down, the hollow at the base of her neck, lower, lower-

“Ah-h!”

Just barely brushing the place where her breasts begin- I wish- the dress- it’s low for her, but it’s modest really, and this is as far as it goes but I can treat this spot with the reverence it deserves, licking and sucking little kisses into her skin while she heaves and Goddess preserve me, her hand just threaded through my hair and she’s holding me to her and I’m her servant, anything you want -

Her slippers just hit the floor.

“Link, I want to feel you against me.”

Pulse.  Breathe, Link.  Stay in control.  “Feel me however you wish.”

Oh.  Oh, she’s going to do it holy s@#$ she’s going to do it she’s on her knees on the bed, lifting one to rest on my other side, shifting forward.

Breathe, Link.  Breathe- she’s on my thighs.  Her hands on my shoulders- gliding up my neck, her palms, every contour again, she’s learning me, how I feel, how I’m shaped, thumbing my jaw, now- now one hand cradling me and the other- the other- she- she’s going to-

Her fingertips at my lips “hhhoh-“ this hand is mine now, I’m kissing it, every fingertip gets its own kiss, its own suck, teeth on the pads, every part of her needs to feel how much I love her, how much I want to please her-

I said… in my fantasy… I said… hold her fingers there, Link, against your lips.  “Zelda.”

“Hhh-hh-“

Her arms suddenly around my shoulders and PULLING HERSELF IN AND “Zelda!” nononoNO, Link “ Z-! HH!” that was an involuntary thrust, Link, don’t do that, don’t give in completely “G-Goddess-“ her body flush against mine, I feel her everywhere thighs and up and I’m just her lightning-rod, shocks from her entering me everywhere going to ground again and again and again and do NOT thrust, Link, stay in control, if you’re going to do that do it because you mean to and not because you’ve let that darkness out-

H-her dress is not between us at all.  Only two pieces of cloth. One of mine.  One of hers. 

She’s gathering me up in her arms.  One tight around my shoulders, the other cradling the back of my head.  So gently.  Like I was still hurt.  Pressing her breasts to my chest- even to my neck a little.  Never in my life have I hated a shirt, but right now I’d like to burn this one myself.

She- she’s shaking unbelievably hard now.  So, so, so tense.  Her muscles are locked, aren’t they?

This… isn’t your head, Link.  Soothe her.

Running my hands along her back, one arm circling her waist, the other curling up to her shoulder.  Nuzzling her neck.  A small taste of her collarbone.  Of the hollow beside it.

“Hh- L- L- Link hh-”

Rub her back.  Soothing.  Kind.  Not insistent.  Ignore that lightning-rod.

”We can stop if you need to.”

“I d- do- oh- n’t want to stop.  I just- I feel- paralyzed.”

Slide your cheek against her, Link.  Love.  Tenderness.  Not lust.  I mean… obviously I’m feeling a good deal of that right now, but love comes first.  All the physical feelings… they can wait.  “What would you like me to do?”

A whimper.  A tiny rock of her hips jolting electricity through me lower, deeper, and around.  I’m clenching.  Well, too bad!  It can wait.

Gentle hands.  Full, soothing strokes along her back.  One upper, one lower, palms and fingers spread wide.  Back to closed kisses, Link.  Just press.  Draw a loving line of those kisses the entire length of her collarbone.

She’s rocking.  Only a little.  Major distraction, though.

Keep those hands controlled.  Soothe.  Calm.  Kind.  Loving.  Up and down.  Back and forth- OH!

That… that was unintentional… you made her jump, Link.  Your pinky went a little lower there and… she liked it.

“Do you want me… lower like that, or do you want me to back off?”

”L-lower.  Please.”

Find her lips to worship them with mine, and obey her.  My hand against her, lower and lower and lower and-

“Mmmmm-mmmh-”

-she’s moaning into my mouth and there is absolutely nothing in all the surface’s green fields that could’ve prepared me for this moment when she’s moving in time with waves of building pleasure against me and I feel our heat growing and our muscles tensing and I want to run a hand along her belly and dig to feel her muscles there, to feel exactly how my touch is making her move deep inside, but I won’t, because she wants my hands behind her, grounding her, and I WILL do exactly as she wishes.

Can’t resist a little self-indulgence, though- “Is this pleasing you?”

“Y-h-h-es.”

“Do you want me to keep doing this?”

“YES.”

“…Then I will.”

And I do.

-----

Read Next: The Last Leaf in Akkala (This chapter is intentionally skippable and has a Mature Rating. NSFW. When the next chapter is up, this one will link to it directly, too, so you can skip The Last Leaf in Akkala if you want to).

SKIP the next chapter and go straight to [Fi has many useful recommendations and observations] (I gave this chapter a mature rating, but it does not actually contain NSFW. It does contain strong suggestion of NSFW things as well as discussion of such things at a mature level).

Read this fanfic from the beginning (it makes more sense that way).

Follow this link for the post list for this fic.

[nightshade-minho]

-Nightmare- (12)

Warnings: mentions of domestic abuse, alcohol, violence is alluded to.

Wc: 3.8k

(Note: The song Y/n plays on her guitar is Sweet Night by V. I highly recommend listening to it for added ~feels~)

(Also- I can’t English hhhh. I apologize for the grammatical mistakes I make sometimes~)

Minho was woken up by your squirming. He looked down at you, eyes scrunched and frowning as you clutched his shirt tightly, and realized you were having another nightmare.

“Y/n...” He hesitated, kissing the top of your head and stroking it. “Shh, it’s okay...” He hugged you tighter, gently squeezing your shoulder. You opened your eyes as he did so, sweating and blinking rapidly, looking up at him with a confused expression.

“How did we...Where’s J-” You squinted, sitting up and slightly pulling away from Minho as you heard the doorbell ring.

“Fuck, it’s Juyeon...” You glanced at Minho, making a sound of frustration as you stood up.

“Oh. Why’s he here now...? Oh wait, never mind, I forgot.” He grimaced, sitting up a little and moving the blanket to the side. 

“Maybe you should go hide or something...”

“Why the fuck should I hide? It’s not like you cheated on him with me or anything. Besides, need I remind you that this is my apartment as well?”

“So...you’re staying here?”

“Yup. I’ll get my things from Chan’s again. I obviously wasn’t planning on staying at Chan’s forever.”

You sighed. “Right.” You walked over to the door, running your hands through your hair and opening it.

“Baby!” He grinned widely, quickly pulling you in his arms.

“J-juyeon...can’t breathe-”

You giggled as he let you go, hesitating before kissing your cheek and walking in.

“Told you I’d be back early morn-” He stopped, frowning as he saw Minho on the couch, scrolling through his phone lazily. 

“Why’s he here?” He asked, his voice calm.

“Dude. I live here.” Minho rolled his eyes, not looking up from his phone.

“Yeah, but I thought...”

“Y/n and I made up yesterday. Congratulations, by the way! Treat her well, or else.”

Juyeon rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

You looked between the two, stuttering as you excused yourself, going to your room to brush your teeth.

Minho waited for you to leave before glaring at the man. “I heard that.” He sneered.

“Good.”

There was a silence for a while as Minho sighed, remembering what he’d promised himself yesterday. He set his phone down. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Juyeon raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“I don’t know, everything. I’m trying to make myself a better person...and I wanna acknowledge that I’ve hurt people.”

“That’s...nice of you. Why, though?”

“Well...” he trailed off, groaning as he gripped his thigh tighter. “I just want to...I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Yeah well, I just want to tell you something. Apologies are nice and all, but Y/n’s mine now, okay? You living here again is fine, but...I didn’t spend all this time pining after her to lose her to an asshole like you. So don’t even try taking her from me.” He snapped.

Minho scoffed, laughing. “What makes you think I would want to do that?”

“Chan told me you’re in love with her.”

Fuck. 

“He did? Huh. Well it’s a lie. I don’t have feelings for her, she’s just my best friend and roommate.”

“Okay. If you say so. I saw the way you ran after her that night, though. I mean, if you didn’t care, or had zero feelings, you wouldn’t have done that.”

“Are you dumb? Of course I....care about her. You can’t be best friends with someone for sixteen years and not care about them.”

“Yeah okay, whatever.”

He groaned. “Look, Juyeon, I don’t want to have any tension between us. For real, I’m not trying to steal your girl.” God, that hurt to say. “Look, if you’re going to be my best friend’s boyfriend, we should get along. I assume you’re going to come over a lot, so...we need to be civil to each other, okay? For her.”

He nodded. “Yeah, sure. For her.” He said, just as you finished getting ready, returning to the living room.

Juyeon’s frown quickly melted into a smile as he turned from Minho to you, standing up and holding his hand out. You took his hand, glancing at Minho’s neutral expression.

“Hey, if you wanted to walk with us, we don’t mind...”

He rolled his eyes. “Nah, it’s okay. You go ahead. My classes don’t start until later, anyway.”

“Okay.” You gave him a smile which he reciprocated, waving to him as you left.

Minho sighed, smile dropping instantly as the door closed, getting up to go to his room. God, he missed it. He pulled off his shirt, hating the way your scent was still clinging to it. Collapsing onto his bed, he clutched at the bed sheets tightly, trying to control and retain all the burning anger and dejection he was feeling. His heart had been twisting when he’d seen Juyeon hold your hand...and you laughing as he kissed your cheek. 

It had barely been a day, and the green-eyed monster inside him was already on a rampage, making him breathe shakily as he tried to banish the thoughts. 

He didn’t know if he could do this for much longer.

***

Minho was envious and possessive. He couldn’t deny that he had those traits in abundance.

He’d been possessive ever since the two of you were young. Seeing you talk and get friendly with people who weren’t him always made him queasy...sometimes, he’d even go to the extent of purposely sabotaging your other friendships. He stopped doing that when middle school started, but try as hard as he could, he never did get rid of that feeling of ardent jealousy.

He was afraid that one day, you would finally realize that he wasn’t good enough for you. For anyone. His father constantly reminded him of that fact, after all.

He really didn’t want you to leave him.

When he first met you, he was entranced with your wide, innocent eyes and the way you looked so happy and pure. Despite being so young, Minho didn’t have an ounce of innocence left in him. He’d been forced to grow up all too fast...

Minho saw in you the kind of person he wanted himself to be. He liked coming over to your house, too. Your family was always so sweet and accommodating...the complete opposite of his. The more time he spent with you, the less he dwelled on his own fucked up life.

He liked all the sleepovers, especially. He would sleep at the foot of your bed in a sleeping bag, the two of you still talking late into the night. The first time he’d stayed the night at your house, he’d fallen asleep quickly for the first time in his life. Your soft snoring had calmed him, a welcome change from the sounds of glass breaking, the angry shouts that he’d gotten used to back home. 

Sometimes, you’d dangle your arm off the side of the bed and he’d hold it, the feeling of your warm hand in his making him even calmer. 

Your bedroom was where you hung out until middle school started. After that, the two of you found another place to call your own, a place that was special to the two of you.

You were the one who’d discovered it, one day before school as you waited for Minho to come pick you up from your house, so the two of you could walk together to school. He’d been taking slightly longer than usual this time, so you decided to take a walk to the lake near your house. There had been a few water poppies you’d spotted last time you were there, and you wanted to pick some.

You squinted at the grass near the lake, frowning as you couldn’t find any that weren’t smushed- a dog must have trampled all over them. You walked along the length of the lake, trying to find ones that were intact, when you noticed the big willow tree that was right across the bend. 

You were surprised, because you hadn’t seen such a big tree before- but then neither had you walked this far.

When you walked back, Minho had a worried expression on your face as he saw you.

“There you are! Oh god, i was going to call your mom-”

“Come on, I wanna show you something!” You grabbed his hand, not caring that you were late as you tugged him along, taking you to the grassy area, and pointing at the big tree.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful...”

“It really is, isn’t it?”

Since then, you met there every day after school, under the shade of the tree. It became your little haven, a place where you told each other secrets, and laughed at things your fellow students would do.

One day though, as you laid your head on Minho’s thigh, your hands occupied with making a daisy chain, he sighed, voice shaky as he spoke.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’m going to end up like my father.”

You looked up at that, frowning at him.

“You won’t. You’re a good person, Minho.”

“I don’t know. It’s in my genes after all, isn’t it?”

“People aren’t always exactly like their parents. Don’t put yourself down. You, Lee Minho, are amazeballs.”

He giggled, pinching your nose and cringing at the 13 year old lingo. 

“Amazeballs?”

You laughed. “Shut up. You know what I mean. Kind, cool, strong, funny...”

His gaze softened as he looked down at you. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” You sat up, facing him and taking his hand in yours. “I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. I won’t pretend to understand. From what you’ve told me though, I know you’re nothing like him. You’ve always been there for me, Minho, always been someone I can lean on.”

He sighed, nodding. “Yeah. But that’s only because you’re my best friend. I’m not this nice to others. You know that.”

“Not everyone can be nice all the time, you know? That sounds tiring. And to be honest, not every one deserves people being nice to them.”

“That’s true...how do you do this? Manage to cheer me up, always? You’re so...perfect.”

“Me? Perfect? Shut up. You know I’m far from it, Minho.”

“To me, you are.”

You stuck your tongue out at the cheesy comment, erupting into a fit of giggles as Minho pulled you close, his hands tickling your sides.

He finally stopped after multiple protests from you, smiling down at your breathless form. 

You hummed. “I know you can’t really call the place you live home...so can we be each other’s home?”

His smile grew wider.

“Yes, we can.”

You made him feel special, worthwhile. You saw the good in him that he couldn’t see, no matter how hard he tried. 

A while after he graduated from high school though, he came home one day to an empty house. A few minutes later, he received a call from the hospital that his mother had been admitted under critical care and that his father was being detained by the police.

He realized you were wrong. He definitely wasn’t any of those fucking things you said he was. He wasn’t there for his mother when she needed him. He’d let that monster act according to his wishes. 

He slowly decided to stop caring. His college life would be different from the one he’d led so far. After all, what was the point in trying? People don’t change. Being vulnerable never ended up getting you anywhere, and his own home life was evidence enough. You wouldn’t have wanted him to give up, but he always knew he’d let you down sooner or later.

***

When Minho woke up, he noticed it was already dark. It was about 6:00. He’d missed his classes, but he didn’t really care.

He sighed and slipped off the bed, rubbing his eyes as he pushed open his door.

You were sitting on the sofa, humming as you mindlessly strummed your guitar like you usually did, whenever you were nervous or sad.

He came forward, sitting on the couch with some distance between you. You looked up as you saw him, giving him a small smile. “I thought you still weren’t back.”

“I slept all day...missed my classes.”

You nodded, turning back to your guitar.

“Where is he?”

“Juyeon? He left a while ago. He had plans.” 

“Ah.”

There was more silence as Minho thought of what to say next, leaning back and watching you as you slowly started playing a small tune that sounded familiar, but one which he couldn’t quite place. Your humming slowly turned into singing, softly pronouncing each word.

Minho felt his heart pounding as he closed his eyes like he always did when you sang, preferring to focus on your voice without any distractions. As the song came to a close, he realized he head tears pricking his eyes. The lyrics hit too close to home.

He opened his eyes, staring at you. “Did...did you write that song?” He asked slowly.

“No...I really like it, though...”

“Yeah, m-me too.” He gulped.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Every part of him was screaming, telling him to man up and confess already. You’d confirmed that you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. If he didn’t say anything, he would burst.

“Y/n, I...”

You looked up at him. “Hm?”

“I...”

It was so hard. Why was it so hard to just spit out those words? He felt so frustrated with himself.

He shifted closer to you. Maybe if he couldn’t say it...he could show it instead.

Your eyes widened as he came closer, his eyes wet as he gently touched your cheek, leaning in further.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Shh...”

His lips brushed against yours. You felt sparks shooting through you despite the minimal touch, warning signals going off in your brain.

You pushed him away before he could deepen the kiss any further, feeling so utterly heartbroken that you could barely breathe.

“Stop- just s-stop.” You cried, rubbing at your eyes and standing up, glaring down at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

He frowned, confused. “I...I was just trying to-”

“Shut up. I’m so sick of you. Why are you doing this to me? Why do you keep trying to kiss me, why do you look at me like....like that sometimes? I don’t understand how you feel about me, I don’t know if you even think before doing shit like this-”

“Y/n, it’s not-”

“No. Please. Stop talking. Stop the excuses. Do you care about me? What do you feel? Cause I don’t understand.” You scoffed shakily, running a hand through your hair and staring at the ceiling. 

“We had sex. Was there really nothing behind it? Was I just another girl for your fucking bed? Or do you...do you feel anything for me?” 

You swallowed, looking at his dumbstruck face and panting.

He stayed silent, his face passive as he took in your words. 

You raised an eyebrow. “Answer me...please, Minho. I’m...I’m begging you.” 

He swallowed, his hands folded in his lap.

Come on Minho. This is your chance.

“Well?”

I’m in love with you.

I think I always have been.

Please don’t leave me.

He stayed silent. 

You scoffed. “That’s what I thought.”

Glaring at him, you left for your room and slammed the door behind you. 

***

You lay in your bed, fingers playing with your hair-tie as you lost yourself in your thoughts. God, love was a shitty feeling. All the movies and books described it as something beautiful, tender and soft.

In reality, love was painful. It felt like needles were poking your heart every time you saw his face, remembering all the happy memories you’d made with him. Memories that were now tainted. 

You picked up your phone as it rang, sighing as you realized who it was.

“Hi.”

“Hello, baby! I’m so sorry I couldn’t call earlier. I have a night shift so I’ll be late, but I hope today I can finally stay over?”

“Um, yeah, sure.”

“Yay! We can have our own little sleepover.”

You laughed softly, rubbing the remaining tears away and sitting up a little. “Okay. I’m looking forward to it!”

“Hehe, see you later, sweetheart.”

You sighed and let the phone fall from your hands as you slipped further down the bed, smushing your face in the pillow and trying to get a moment’s peace. You got rid of all the thoughts in your head, choosing to replace them with emptiness for a while.

***

A few hours later you were woken up with a gentle shove. You opened your eyes sleepily, turning around and smiling. 

“Ah. You’re here.”

“Uh huh. You okay?” Juyeon frowned, taking note of the dried tear stains on your face. You nodded, blinking as you sat up. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” He held up his laptop, smiling widely and getting into the bed next to you.

“I’ve downloaded a bunch of movies for us to watch together.”

“Ah.” You mumbled, smiling slowly and yawning. “That’s nice.”

He sighed, seeing your expression and putting the laptop aside. “You seem sleepy. I’m fine with cuddling. Scoot~”

He moved you to the side a little bit and pulled you against him, stroking your hair and smiling.

You felt a feeling of profound guilt, his face so innocent and caring that the disdain you felt for yourself grew. Why were you so caught up on the emotionally tone-deaf asshole in the other room when you had someone right here who actually cared about you?

Because you and Minho have been through so much together. You were there for each other when no one else was. No matter how hard you try, you would never get over him, would never get rid of the fact that all the two of you really knew was each other.

Juyeon watched as your expression darkened, his fingers pausing, drifting down from your hair and cupping your cheek, just like Minho had done a few hours ago. 

He leaned in, his lips slightly open.

No. You couldn’t do it. This was wrong.

You stopped him, your hand over his mouth as you closed your eyes, not wanting to see his hurt expression. 

“I’m...s-sorry.” You whispered, sniffing. 

“I can’t string you along like this anymore. I’ve never really been a good person...and I’m still not. But I can’t do this to you. Can’t stay with you when I know I can’t return the love you give me. I don’t deserve it.”

“Open your eyes, Y/n.”

You slowly peeled them open, breath hitching as you looked at him.

“I knew.” He pulled away, sighing and sitting up on the bed. “I know you don’t like me. I know you only got together with me to prove something. I guess I fooled myself into thinking one day you might actually fall for me, if I could prove to you what a nice boyfriend I could be...” He glanced at your distressed expression.

“Look, it’s okay. Don’t put yourself down like that. I just...I wanna know why.”

“Well,-”

“Is it because you love him?”

Your eyes widened as you sat up, facing him. “Um, who-”

He shook his head, chuckling. “I should have seen it coming. You know who I’m talking about. Now, tell me. It’s the least you can do.”

You gulped, nodding after a moment’s thought.

“Hmm. Knew it.” He stood up, grabbing his laptop and glancing back at you. 

“I’ll leave, then. I don’t mind staying friends, though.”

“Yeah, I don’t, either.”

He smiled, walking out of your room and to the front door. He passed Minho sprawled out on the couch, glassy stare directed at the Tv that was playing a random infomercial on repeat.

“Hey, bro?”

Minho ignored him.

Juyeon let out a wry laugh. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Minho sighed, tearing his eyes away from the screen. “What do you want?” He snapped.

“Nothing, I just wanted to say you’re an idiot.”

“Ah well, I kinda knew that.”

“No, seriously. You don’t know how lucky you are.”

Minho frowned up at him. “What do you mean?”

He shook his head, making his way to the front door, turning around as he opened it. 

“I’m just saying...seize the opportunity when you have it. You never know when you might lose it.”

“What the fuck are you going on about, dude?”

Juyeon rolled his eyes, flipping him off before leaving.

Minho watched him go, frowning as he glanced at your still shut door. Why’d he leave as soon as he came in?

He wondered if he should check on you. It was probably a bad idea, considering the way you’d blown up at him earlier...

He stood up, going to your door and raising his hand to knock, hesitating. He could hear soft sniffling sounds coming from inside that made his heart break. But seeing him might just hurt you even more...

He sighed, dropping his hand. At the end of the day, he was just a coward. 

He went to his room, sitting down at the table and grabbing a piece of paper. If it was so hard to say those words, maybe he could just write them?

He wrote a small paragraph, before shaking his head and crumpling it up into a ball, throwing it on the floor. About half an hour passed by, and he’d made no progress except for increasing the pile of paper balls on the floor.

He threw his head back, groaning. How do people even do this...

You’ve never had problems like this before. Why are you being such a pussy now, when it really matters?

He chuckled, rubbing his forehead and sneering at the voice in his head.

It isn’t that easy. What if I lose her when I do confess? What if she freaks out, pushes me away completely? I can’t afford to lose her.

Well, if you continue being an asshole like this, you truly will lose her.

He made a sound of frustration, slapping his head as he got out of his chair, thinking about what Juyeon had told him. 

Did it mean what he think he did?

He didn’t want to get his hopes up. He paced the room, running his hands through his hair and trying to figure out what to do. 

If he confessed to you now, it would definitely fall flat. He needed to do something that made it clear that he meant what he said. That he wasn’t joking around, that he was serious. He’d never been so serious in his life, in fact.

There was a possibility he would lose you after this...and the existence of it frightened him. But if being away from him was best for you...he’d gladly stay away.

He opened the door to his room, making sure your door was still closed before dialling Chan for help to set his plan up, leaving the apartment. 

[lordseochangbin]

Beverly Hills- Han Jisung

Part two-- smut warning.

A/N: okay the plot is slowly coming together hhhh progression is slow my dudes. Search down the first hashtag for Part one as I am still working on a masterlist. Enjoy ;)

It’s about six in the morning (don’t even ask how you managed to get up that early) when you find yourself at Jisung’s window, knocking repeatedly on the glass seal before it could suddenly open. Jisung’s eyes are almost blinded by the sun, not noticing your presence. 

“Maybe it was a bird… or something” Jisung mindlessly mumbles to himself before you could slap his arm. 

“CAW CAW” You scream into his face, his eyes popping out from the sudden surprise. You can tell your good morning call startled him considering the way he fell back on the floor as you jump inside his room. 

“Y/N” he says, wiping his sleepy eyes before finally taking in your figure. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s your first day of school dummy. I wanted to swing by to make sure you were all set,” You said, throwing your backpack off to the side before jumping onto the bed. Jisung could only watch as you hopped on, your skirt flowing back onto your lap as you settled against the bedrest. 

Truth is, that wasn’t the real reason why you came. Since last night’s encounter, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jisung. More importantly, kissing Jisung. Or him kissing you… or..or…

You just couldn’t stop thinking about him. That led to endless amounts of phone calls to find out his address and here you were, making sure your skirt was raised as high as it could hoping to get something going on in the morning. 

What you didn’t expect was the boy in front of you. His messy hair, white tee and grey sweats. Plump lips and sleepy eyes. You wanted to mark his neck up so bad you didn’t realize you were staring at his Adam’s apple before he could walk towards you. 

“Are you sure that’s why you came?” He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Did something happen last night?” Awful. This is awful! Who gave him the fucking right to be this caring and adorable and sweet and handsome?!

“I..I..” You’re at a loss of words when you feel him inching closer, as if he didn’t hear you and you can’t stop yourself. Your conscious is telling you no but your body is giving you every reason why you should break this distance between him, and you listen. 

Grabbing the nape of his neck, you don’t even think twice before your lips clash onto his. The kiss is messy, his hands on both sides of your body as you sink onto his pillow. Jisung finds himself situated in between your legs as he slips his tongue past your lips. Moaning into the kiss, your hands run down his abdomen to pull off his shirt, the material going over his head as he grabs your cheeks again to peck your lips. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jisung asks, out of breath as he stares into your eyes. You can see the lust in them as you lose yourself in his brown pupils, shrinking with every second as he focuses on every part of you. From your eyes, to your pink-tinted cheeks, and occasionally darting to your lips.

“I’m sure” you pant out, hands grabbing at his hair as he starts to attack your neck with his lips. Your hips buck against his as he props himself on one hand, the other going down to get your skirt about of the way before he realizes how high the waistband was. “You planned this out didn’t you? Coming here? Wearing your skirt this short to turn me on??” He growls in your ear before biting on your earlobe. 

“J-Jisung” you moan out. God, you couldn’t wrap your head around the mystery of Han Jisung. He was so wholesome and kind in person but in bed… in bed it felt like a whole different person. Every deity must’ve been by your side this morning because you had no idea he could be nor feel this good. “Tell me princess, how bad do you want me?” he asks, bulge pressing against your wet panties as you arch your back at the touch.

“So bad, please Jisung” you whine, hands leaving his hair to pull down his sweats. You quickly look down, biting your lip at the sight of his cock, a glistening bead of pre-cum covering the tip and you use your thumb to coat his member. The blissful sensation rolls through Jisung, intoxicating him, and he’s fast to make a move as he moves your panties to the side.

You close your eyes, fingers holding a tight grasp on his biceps as he teases you with his fingers. One digit swipes your wetness as he sticks it down your throat, your tongue wrapping around his fingers to get every lick before he could thrust inside of you. 

The stretch is painful, and he catches each moan with his lips pressed on yours as he slams his member between your folds. The penetration has you begging for more, bucking your hips against him as he thrusts inside of you. It’s so dangerous, so early in the morning as his hands cup your breasts over your shirt, squeezing one and massaging the other.

Opening your eyes for a mere second you notice the way your fingers start to interlace with his, the feeling of his soft hands reminding you of the handshake when you met just yesterday. Now here you were, the sound of skin slapping and moaning into his kiss as he thrusts start to become messier. 

Jisung pulls out of the kiss, whispering a quick “i’m close” before he could suck on your neck. Replying with a small whine, you turn him around, your hands on his chest as you start to bounce on him. Sticking your fingers down your throat, you try to hold back to mewl sounds that were bound to leave your lips unknowing of who could be outside of Jisung’s room. 

He throws his head back as he feels his tip hit your g-spot every time, your walls clenching around his member before he could cum inside you. “Shit, sorry” Jisung grunts, quick to pull out before you could reach your orgasm after. 

You're coming down from your high when you collapse on top of him, pecking his lips one last time before flopping onto the bed next to him. 

Trying to regain your breath, your heart drops a little when you hear a few knocks on the door. 

“Jisung, twenty minutes before you leave for your first dayl!” Seungmin reminds him, “I’m coming in with breakfast!!”

“Fuck” Jisung curses underneath his breath, locking eyes with you before he could push you off the bed. 

A small thump against the floor is heard before Jisung could eye your skirt on top of his bed, grabbing it and throwing it to you before Seungmin could walk in. 

“Jisung!! Where’s your uniform!”

Speaking of uniforms, yours is wrinkly and… a bit wet per-say as you walk side by side with Jisung towards the entrance. You rub the small spot on your head, a bruise forming on it from when you hit your head against Jisung’s nightstand before he could turn you towards him. 

“I’m really sorry y/n.. I just knew he was coming and I didn’t know what to do” he pouts. There it is again, Han Jisung. The pain from your head (and your legs) is close to gone when you think about what kind of fuckery made Han Jisung. Is this the same Han Jisung that you met less than thirty minutes ago??

You smile at your thoughts, pressing a kiss on his forehead before replying “It’s alright Jisung, I’ll see you during break?” you ask. 

“I’ll meet you right here” he smiles, the two of you parting ways before you could meet up with Claire.

“Oh hey! I know him!!” Claire exclaims, waving at Jisung before you could pull her away. “Trust me Claire, he knows you too”

Jisung stares at his school schedule, looking at the numbers on doors. 1..2..3..4. Room 5 should be just around the corner. Holding onto his backpack strap, he makes his way to the halls before his eyes are covered by a familiar hand. 

“W-what are you d-” His mouth is held shut by another hand and before you know it he’s in front of the trash cans. 

“Welcome to Beverly Hills High School, Squirrel face” Chan chuckles before Changbin and Minho could toss Jisung into the garbage bin. 

The boys give themselves a mini fist bump. “That should teach him” Minho smirks before leaving him at the bottom pits next to… is that a cigarette? Disgusting.

Jisung doesn’t even bother calling for help, lying his head against a trash bag and accepting that this might as well be his fate. He had good sex and now he’s sitting in a trash can like that condom he never used. Maybe this is god telling him to buy condoms, he tells himself.

“Hey, need a little help there?” Jisung’s eyes open wide to see a hand reach out. It’s the boy from earlier, freckles coating his cheeks with the pink-blonde hair. The strong australian accent peaks out his voice as Jisung stares blankly at Felix’s face. I-is he God? God is Australian? No, no. Jisung wake up. WAKE UP. 

“Yes! Yes, god please. I mean not god! You’re not god, I-” Felix helps him up, laughing at Jisung’s stuttering before thanking him. “Thank you so much Felix, I was having serious thoughts down there..”

“In the trash can?” Felix chuckles, “Yeah, I felt that man” Felix pats Jisung’s shoulder before helping him down, swiping off the filth that covered Jisung’s coat. “So what exactly happened?”

Jisung removes his coat, placing it around his arm before grabbing his backpack. “These three dudes, I don’t know. One had Blonde hair and brown eyes, the other short with black hair, the other… wearing a leather jacket and a mole on his nose.”

“Ooof, the guy with the mole. That would be my brother” Felix laughs as Jisung pulls back a shocked face. “Seriously?! How??” 

“Just is, different dads though” Felix answers, “Maybe this was from yesterday, they’ll get over it dude. Don’t worry, I’ll get you a clean suit” 

“Don’t worry” Jisung repeats to himself, taking his bottom lip in between his teeth as he chews on it nervously. The last thing he wanted was to get into drama, but maybe that’s the cost of high school. He just didn’t know it.

When the bell for break rings, you jump out of your desk. Hyunjin waits in front of your class but misses you as you run past him. “Hey! Y/N!” He calls after you, giving up as he sees you running down the hall. 

“Bro, what was that about?” Changbin asks Hyunjin, watching down the hall as Claire walks past them.

“Yo Claire, do you have any idea where Y/N is going?”

Claire pouts her lips in thought before replying in an annoyed tone. “She’s going for the front of the school instead of getting Starbucks with me! Not sure why though..”

“Wanna find out?” Chan asks, joining the group as they walk towards the front. 

They reach the steps, Claire dropping her Gucci bag as she sees the sight in front of her. “Holy shit, she missed out on Starbucks for him?!”

“Jisung!” You exclaim, jumping into his arms. Jisung’s quick to catch you, kissing your forehead near the bruise making your insides tingle. “I wish I had every class with you” He whispers into your ear. 

You don’t realize it, but he’s eyeing Hyunjin when he whispers oh-so seductively into your ear. Hyunjin’s jaw locks at the sight of it, jealousy washing over him. “A dickface” Minho curses.

“Nutshack” Changbin insults, in hopes that it’d make Hyunjin feel better. Grabbing Chan’s hand, Hyunjin pulls his lips close to his ear before whispering- “This Jisung guy isn’t going to let go”

“Then we need to teach y/n who her real friends are” Claire adds, the five of those cross their arms in unison walking away from the scene. 

Uh-oh Jisung, do you know what you’re getting yourself into?

[therem-harth]

h h hewwo owoo 22 / 23 / 29 / 31 / 34 / 50 / 58 / 61 / 88 in any order, and u can also just. pick only those that u want :3

hhhh-ewwwo? I did say I wanted to chat and I desperately do not want to do work or studies so buckle in for a long post (derogatory). 22. role model? Oh man, I don’t think I have any, like, specific ones for entire things, though I do fall in my hero-worship phaes and then fall out of them like everyone else. I think that taking an entire person and being like I wanna be like them is... not for me though. But I do look up to some people for specific things - I look up to, weirdly enough, Abigail Phylosohpytube who I didn’t watch before her coming out for her graceful coming out video though she admits that the experience wasn’t obviously as smooth. I look up to lots and lots of people for their ability to create and their art (not gonna tag my fav artists bc am tiny and do not want people to look at me, but i do be reblogging). I look up to people like ConcernedApe Stardewvalley and Supergiantgames Hades for their ability to put so much soul in their work, smth I aspire to do. I look up to @not-poignant for, among other things, their idk how to say it best, wisdom in understanding and communicating with others and with myself? I’ve learned a lot by just sort of being in their periphery and seeing how they articulate their thoughts and choose to be kind and witness other’s pain. Hell, I look up to twitch streamers and youtubers sometimes (the recent nice trait I’d like to have if I ever went into bigger content production is how ibxtoycat deals with parasocial relationship realities). 23. strange habits? Hm. I don’t think drinking tea whenever I need a pick-me-up is strange, that’s just probably forcefully assigning a British nationality to me. I think my insistence on misspelling words in a way I think is lowkey funny might be one, I say thamks bc it feels softer, or thank bc it’s funny, I say sleeb, I say finkers or tryink or otherwise replace g with k for lulz. I also don’t know if it counts as a habit but I have a small leather band around my wrist that’s been there for a year soon. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probs have like, stranger habits but I can’t recall rn. 29. best way to bond with you? Hmm. Well, if you show initiative and are explicit about wanting to spend time with me, that’s already a big chance of me spending time with you. And then if our interests match and I don’t think that you’re like, young in a way that automatically puts me in a position where I don’t feel comfortable really being myself around you bc in my head I have to look out for you (it has happened with two of my friends, sigh), and we regularly spend time together, voila, friend acquired. It simultaneously doesn’t take much and takes a bit to be my friend and bond with me - it’s easy af to become a casual friend cuz I’m always open to new people, but there has to be a level of trust to become like, a close friend. Respecting my boundaries, talking shit with me, being explicitly committal about wanting to bond with me are big steps that way. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Uh, I don’t do neither, but a current fave that is reasonably badass is my black tshirt with like, a ritual circle and a deer skull. V edgy, 10/10. I also used to have like a real edgy tshirt with a jester and some dice that said the game of life, but I threw it out bc dysphoria. or maybe I put it at the back of my closet along with one other shirt In Case I Get Top Surgery so I can wear them then. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Many, such is the nature of advertising, alas. I have managed to avoid most of it tbh though, so the only place I am forced to sit through ads so they stick is my scrabble capitalist nightmare app where I play and always beat haha my coursemate. And they have adds for those shitty apps where you have to solve a puzzle that ends up failing in the add and like, drenching a man in green goo. I find those kinda fascinating tbh. Who plays these games? Who plays these shitty shitty games whose ad has to be “prove your IQ“ to make you want to prove yourself to play them? Oh and also, the insidious nature of ads in media I consume - the mcelroys have gotten me informed about many many things bc they do it in a funny way. Have you heard about squarespace? What about meundies? I also literally installed honey yesterday that I knew abt bc of the relentless adds and I wanted to save, uh, 2.50 from my minecraft server purchase (and then spent some time googling how they make money before giving up. just say u sell my data, that’s easier than not knowing what part of this makes you money). I was tired and in a weird mood, ok. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? It’s always the stupidest jokes, what matters more is laughing together with someone and getting caught in a laughing loop. I still remember laughing with my siblings until our stomachs really really hurt bc I think one of us said a rug was vomit-colored and it was funny in the moment. How many times have I laughed like that with you too, vit. I know that Laura’s one is nostrilatu, right? :D :D It’s just something that catches you off guard, I think.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Oh shid. Hm. 1) My ability to analyze data and understand the basic building blocks of something. Makes me cool at studying and sexy at explaining things to my course-mates. 2) Not a talent more like a skill that I’ve worked hard on through therapy - but my inner positive voice/healthy parent is very strong and automatic (something I was sure would never happen). A good example is me going out for a walk, my phone dying so I can’t listen to music, when I went in my head “well I can always make music in my head. do-do-do *drum sound*“ and I could feel the wave of self-reprimand cresting but before I could actually hear any negative comments the positive voice said with a light of a thousand suns NO THAT IS ACTUALLY CUTE AND SEXY and just haaaaaaah. 3) I sing good. Need to sing more. 4) I think I’m good at making conversation. Even with people I don’t necessarily like or want to talk to. More of a skill again but whatever. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Do not come to me and ask for favorites, witch. Uh, I have some quotes in my notes app, like 7 from Pia’s writing :D. But imma go with “It’s a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world“ by Mary Oliver. It counts, ok. Or, wait, something I will for real one day either crosstitch of commission shitpostcalligrapher: “t’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. “What are we holding onto Sam?” “There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.“” 88. your greatest wish? Hrm. Right now? To have like a couple days with no responsibilities and without the outside world bearing on me as heavily, to be tiny tiny tiny so I’m invisible and can drink tiny tea on a tiny leaf. Uh, in general? My recently formulated wish or a goal is stability/peace. Then everything else becomes ok because you can bounce back to stable ground between feeling shit or everything happening so much. And I’ve sort of reached that. Also like, half a million euros would be nice too so I can get a house and a car and go on a few trips abroad. :D // there’s two ask memes in my blog recently, go wild

[relapse-time]

idk why but a couple of my friends have been acting weird ever since lunch yesterday. i came in late and my friend asked if i was gonna eat and i said no. throughout the time she kept offering her food and she said she’d save it for me for rehearsal if i felt like i was going to pass out or anything then. she never forced me to eat anything which i’m super grateful for, it’s kinda as if she knew how to handle the situation, because most people try to force you. i didn’t take the food during rehearsal and she told me to eat a big dinner and i actually did do that (mainly cause i’ve been binging but i’m trying to end that). In the beginning of rehearsal dinner this one girl came up to me and asked if i ate breakfast and lunch (she might’ve also asked about before rehearsal too but i kinda forgot) but she also asked someone else similarly so idk (however she didn’t go in detail for them and didn’t squint her eyes as if she was trying to see if i was lying though). At the end of rehearsal my other friend and her were saying that if i needed anyone i could talk to them too. this was after they left but i started crying so much cause i’m not used to people ever checking in on me. then this morning my other friend asked if i feel better and if i packed a lunch. at first i couldn’t tell what they found out for them to being like this but i think maybe she’s caught on to the fact i never eat during lunch or before rehearsal like everyone else? i might be wrong but it’s too much of a coincidence. it’s just i don’t get why this is happening cause it’s been like 2 weeks and not once have i eaten in front of her so idk why she only is now concerned? i’m kinda scared cause lunch is in a few min and i don’t want her to be watching if i eat or not but there’s not much she can do because i didn’t pack a lunch unless if she wants to buy/share with me but i’d feel so bad if she did that hhhh

[starrynavigator]

I got this letter from Megan and then the first thing she said to me when I found her was she wanted to move out, so I had to write a fic on how that transpired.

Note: megan's nickname for me is lollipop

-----------

"Hhhh..."

Megan let out an anxious sigh. She'd been toiling over this letter for the last half an hour, reading and rereading it, making sure it sounded good enough to send to the resident representative.

"Maybe I should just toss it, this is silly of me to send anyway."

She reached for the garbage bin next to the stand when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What do you think you're doing, private?"

Megan bolted up, clutching the letter to her chest. Wilbur stood before her. How long had he been there, watching her agonize over this? She blushed, covering her face.

"Oh goodness, I'm sorry Wilbur. I dont mean to waste paper. I just... can't find the words to say what I'm feeling. I thought writing them out would help me feel better, but now that I have them on the page, it just seems silly."

Orville looked up from his book from behind the counter. "I could give it a read, if you'd like. I'm about as impartial as you can get!" He glanced at Wilbur and laughed. "Well, Wilbur too, but he's not much for reading."

Wilbur nodded. "Negatory, this bird has one love, and that love is flight." With that, he picked up his coffee from the desk and walked off into the back.

Orville rolled his eyes. "He's up until 2 am most days watching old compilation videos on NookTube of pilot commands."

He extended a wing to Megan. "Anyway, mind if I take a look?"

Megan fidgeted a little. "Promise you won't laugh?"

Orville snapped to attention, doing a salute. "I would never!"

Megan smiled and handed him the letter. "Let me know what you think."

She waited, watching him read over the page. He looked back at her and grinned. "This sounds just like you, Megan. I wouldn't change a thing."

He cocked his head, a little question mark appearing above it. "What did you get them that took so long to decide on?"

Megan blushed. "Well, I know they like umbrellas, so I thought I'd get them a really cute one I saw the other day. But I was worried if they'd like it or not. They really seem to like ones with fun designs and I thought this would be up their alley."

"What a thoughtful gift! I'm sure they'll love it."

She pulled out the umbrella and handed it to Orville. "If you think the letter is good, would you mind sending it off with this attached before I get cold feet again?"

"Okidodoki!" Orville did his dodo magic and stuffed an umbrella into a letter and tucked it away. "Was there anything else you needed?"

"No thank you, Orville. I really appreciate your help."

"Any time!" He smiled, and Megan took her leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, the sky darkened and rain poured down. Megan awoke to the sound of rain pattering against her windows, the rustling of the trees in the wind. She smiled, and went about making her breakfast. How fortuitous, now lollipop would be able to use their new umbrella. Just as she was putting her oatmeal on the stove, there was a knock at her door. Her heart jumped, was lollipop really up this early? She quickly opened her door, but instead found her black and white rabbit neighbor, Dotty, standing there with a bag.

"Morning! I could totes smell you cooking something scrumptious in there, so I thought I'd crash your breakfast party with some muffins!"

"Oh, good morning, sundae! Come on in, I'd love the company!" Megan let her inside. "Maybe even more than your muffins."

Dotty pulled the container of muffins from her bag and set them on her table. "I made them extra sweet, since I know that's your favorite." She took a carrot cake. "Anyway, whats up with you? Got any plans today?"

Megan took the oatmeal off of the stove and served them both. "Well, i was going to go do some exercises in the plaza later but I'm not sure now, with all this rain."

Dotty nodded "ugh, right? I'm soo ready for it to be summer, go away rain! I'm gonna craft this cool mask I thought up earlier. I was watching a streamer I like do this playthrough of a video game, and I was only half paying attention but I kept seeing these cuuute little forest things that wore leafs as masks! So I'm gonna go recreate them so I can do a little closet cosplay of them, doodle dip."

Megan smiled at her friend's enthusiasm. "That sounds like fun! I'll be sure to tell Riley you're crafting when I see them, you know how they love learning new DIY recipes."

An explanation mark appeared above Dotty's head. "Thats right! Weren't you working for like, eeeveerrr on finding them an umbrella? Whatd you settle on?"

Megan reached over and grabbed a lemon poppyseed muffin out of the container. "Well, i figured since they really seem to like umbrellas that look like something else, I'd get them one that looks like a kiwi."

Dotty put her hand on her chin, thinking, a thought bubble floated above. "Thats a super cute idea, but I am worried about what they might wear with that? I like, totally don't mean to bring you down but I don't think I know anything they usually wear that goes well with green and brown."

Megans blood ran cold. She hadn't even thought about what Riley normally wears.

"Oh gosh, I hadn't even thought of that! Shoot, I have to go see if Orville hasn't mailed it yet. Maybe I can still take it back!" Megan jumped up and threw on her raincoat.

"Wait, Megan, you really don't have to do that. I'm sure senpai-" but Megan was out the door before Dotty could finish.

*maybe there's still time... oh why didn't I consider this beforehand...*

Megan burst into Dodo Airlines, out of breath. "Orville!" She ran up to the counter. Startled by the sudden giant purple bear, Orville jumped, splashing coffee onto this uniform. Megans heart fell further.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Orville!"

Orville brushed himself off. "Thats okay, it happens more often than you'd think. What's got you in a tizzy?"

"I need to unsend that letter from yesterday, I've made a terrible mistake!"

Orville frowned. "But megan, we already went over how your letter was lovely. Besides, I already placed it in their mailbox, I can't just go and steal mail back."

Megans shoulders sagged. "Oh..." sighing heavily, she walked out.

Megan retreated to the coconut grove, sitting on one of the islands Riley had made. How could she claim to be a good friend if she didn't even notice their fashion choices? What else could she be neglecting to pay attention to? No one deserved an unobservant friend like her. Dotty had only been here a month and she knew more about lollipop than she did.

Maybe it would be best for her start over again. Maybe if she made a conscious effort to observe people from the beginning, she wouldn't miss things like this.

As she sat there thinking, a figure approached. She looked up to see lollipop, who was now rushing over to her.

"Megan! I got your letter! I-"

Megan put up a paw, shaking her head. "I know, it was foolish of me to send it. Look, i.... I think I need a fresh start, on a new island. I'm not growing that well here, I'm awful at noticing things. Maybe if I go somewhere new, I'll learn how to be a better bear and a better friend."

Riley's face fell. "Megan, how could you say that? You're a wonderful friend!"

Megans eyes filled with tears. "But... but Dotty has been here way less time than I have and she knows you so well!"

"Yeah, but you know me too. You know I love umbrellas and got me one I don't have yet! And look, it helped me coordinate an outfit for today!"

Megan wiped her eyes, actually taking in what lollipop looked like today. They were wearing a lovely green blossoming kimono, kimono sandals, and the kiwi umbrella. Megan smiled, and burst into laughter crying. Riley fumbled, looking distressed.

"Oh, uh, shoot, did I say something wrong?"

Megan shook her head, smiling. "Here i was, worried about not being observant enough, and I still didnt even notice what you were wearing. Can you ever forgive me?"

Riley hugged her. "Of course, you silly old bear. Our friendship is important to me, okay? My friendships with others will be inherently different, but that doesn't invalidate ours, I promise"

Megan nodded, hugging them back. "Thanks, lollipop. "

Riley looked up at them from their embrace. "Have I buttered you up enough to convince you to stay?"

Megan laughed. "Oh, all right. Maybe I'm right where I belong, after all."

Riley released her from the hug. "Anyway, just so we're clear: I love the umbrella. You really know me well."

Megan wiped away the last of her tears. "If my gift makes you happy, then I'm happy, sundae."

[quokkacore]

good luck with your early decision application!! seriously don’t worry about getting tsmmm finished before that, you gotta think about your future hun! but i’m really looking forward to the final chapter no matter when it’s released you’ve done such a good job ❤️❤️❤️❤️

thank you!! i was actually able to submit it yesterday, but i still have to fix an issue that came up with my hs counselor's recommendation (she doesnt understand english very well so i helped her but we made a few mistakes doing it, so i have to contact her AGAIN to help her correct it and hhhh its a mess). its mostly just the stress of financial aid and some other very, very stressful things going on in my home life rn that i'd rather not disclose here, but other than that i just have to finish some stuff for my other regular decision applications, study my ass off for the sat and then finally submit everything and then FINALLY take a break. srry for unloading on u im just kind of holding a lot of stuff in rn and i just want to put life on pause for a lil bit u get me

as for tsmmm, i MIGHT finish it tonight!!! if i dont, ill finish tomorrow morning and it'll go up later past my usual upload time (12am kst). i've always been a bit bad with writing smut because i tend to drag it out and then slack off writing a good finish because i'm pressed for time, so that's the worst of it.

thank you for your words. i really, really appreciate them. reading them made me just the slightest bit emotional (plus getting what i just said off my chest) so i'm gonna go take a shower and maybe cry a bit sjdjakdksk

[veebcrry]

<– DAY 4・DAY 6 –>

SAERAN WEEK DAY 5 (@saeranchoiweek)

PROMPT: SWEETS (+ FLOWERS?)

We’re nearing the end and admittedly, I’m starting to get a little worn out from drawing every day, even though I did have WIPs prepared.

I wasn’t really too happy with this drawing when I finished it yesterday evening but now that I look back at it, it’s not that bad. It’s supposed to be a follow up piece to the other Pokemon AU drawing which can be found over here.

My intention was to draw for the ‘sweets’ prompt, but int the progress it ended up being a bit of both, whoops. ^^;; These two are very easy to combine though.

Have a nice day and tomorrow’s picture will be an after ending + father’s day picture! Please look forward to that. u w u

- Admin Strawberry

PROMPT: FLOWERS

Genre: Fluff Pairing: Saeran x MC Timeline: Post - Ray route, five years after, with their daughter

Ever since she could think, the small family had one tradition - flower crowns. It was a day, Lily awaited always in impatience. Looking out of one of the lower windows of the big living room of the mansion she lived in, with her parents. Sometimes, other people would visit too. But whenever they were there, her daddy and mommy always seemed so busy. The male always seemed in such a distress, even if he tried to hide it.

Perhaps, it was, because of the uncle that was hiding somewhere? The brunette little girl couldn’t tell. As nobody ever had explained to her. If she would ask, she only would get replies she didn’t understand - from her father - or a ‘you’ll understand’ from her mother. Leaving her unsatisfied, until the five years old eventually gave up one day.

However! This, luckily, wasn’t the current situation! This day, would only be about her, her parents and the flower crowns. Each morning, she had checked, if the flowers had already grown. Even poured them with water, whenever her small, watering can in the form of a round bee wasn’t out of reach. Which happened rather often lately… if the adults had noticed, that she wanted to make the flowers growing faster? But it wasn’t a bad thing… right? A small pout appeared on the girl’s features. When Lily suddenly realized a figure, sitting in the grass already. Recognizing the white haired person quickly as her father. Asking quietly to herself, when he woke up. It wasn’t, like she could hear, if he would leave the house, as she was deaf. But, she would have noticed it, if he would have entered the garden!

It was the curiosity, that made her run out. Maybe also the fear, that he would already start, without thinking about her. Giving the male a big hug from behind. Expecting him to startle, as it was, what he often did. But instead, he turned around, indeed placing a flower crown on her head, with a soft smile on his lips. Another pout could be seen from the girl. Who couldn’t believe, that he really begun. Without waiting for her mommy or her, without saying anything!

“Good morning.”, Saeran formed with his slender fingers, as he looked at Lily. Not being able, to hold back a slight chuckle. She was so much like Sharon. Whenever something happened in their displeasure, they would show this kind of face. “Want to make one, for mommy?”. Seconds, after he had finished the question in the sign language, the hazel hues of the five years old lightened up. Immediately she had sat down right beside her father. Starting to pick flowers.

By the time, Sharon came, the girl sat on the lap of her father. Who helped her, by creating the crown. As he had taken her small hands gently into his, showing her the movements and everything else as good as possible to his abilities. Both not realizing, that they got a visitor, who already had put out her phone to take a photo of the silent father - daughter moment. A photo, which surely would find a place in their photo album o their small family. Mostly, surrounded by flowers.

Writernote: Actually, I’m not sure if it counts. As I wanted to try out, to write it from the perspective of Saeran’s daughter. Hhhh, I don’t know what I should think of it to be honest > _ <

- Admin Ice Cream

[yoongspd]

yo i’ve been tagged by @orb1tch to do this, tysm dear <3 

it said i should be tagging 20 people sooo im choosing some new and old mutuals for this. if you wanna do this go ahead, and if you don’t want to or already have dont mind this it’s okk !!! hi @syubah, @kimnamtaejin, @mangplushie, @lovehobs, @gukster, @mozartae, @bangpdofficial, @kyut-tea, @jinhits, @yeontaen, @jintroduction, @min-jesus, @justinsgf, @napmon, @bbyjoonbug, @hoshikio, @cypheryg, @dykescult im tagging yall.

last

- drink: water

- call: my mom

- text: my mom lmao

- song u listened to: rn im listening to home by brockhampton

- time u cried: yesterday morning but it wasn’t sad crying

have u ever

- dated someone twice: nope never punch me in the face if i do

- kissed someone & regretted it: no

- been cheated on: yes.

- lost someone special: yes

- been depressed: i haven’t been checked by a doctor but yeap and it comes in waves

- gotten drunk & thrown up: yeap lmao it wasnt a good experience

favorite colors

1. beige

2. white

3. blue

in the last year have u

- made any new friends: yes

- fallen out of love: no

- laughed so hard that u cried: yes !!

- found out someone was talking abt u: i guess yeah but i dont remember but it probably happened

- found out who ur friends were: yep

- kissed someone on ur fb friends list: no

general

- how many ppl from ur fb friends do u know irl: 300+ ?? idk maybe more cb these are usually school people and relatives so it’s a lot

- do u have any pets: no T_______T

- do u want to change ur name: nah

- what did u do for ur birthday last year: we probably ate outside i think and my friends and i went out too

- what were u doing last night at midnight: i was asleep !

- what time did u wake up today: 5:30 am

- what is something u can’t wait for: im pretty patient nowadays, ya know enjoying the present but hmm the first thing on my mind when i force this question wld be living a stable life and giving back to my family

- have u ever talked to a person named tom: yeap and i had a huge crush on him

- something that gets on ur nerves: the philippine government !!! cronies are taking over and pulling my country back in the dumps !!!!

- most visited website: tumblr ??

- hair color: it’s colored medium brown rn but it’s naturally dark brown

- short hair or long hair: short

- do u have a crush on someone: yeap, realizing it yesterday was what made me cry

- what do u like abt urself: my mind probably and how looking back i see ive gotten through so many things already :)

- want any piercings: yeap !!1 but i have sensitive ears so i havent had any since i was 12 :///

- blood type: B

- nicknames: chesca/ches but people close to me irl call me chikay, and my family has these nicknames for me: kay/king/chi

- relationship status: single

- zodiac sign: scorpio

- pronouns: she/her

- fave tv shows: i dont rlly watch tv :(((( but the last ones ive seen were friends and stranger things. i like them but i dont think about them much

- tattoos: nope

- right handed or left handed: right

- ever had surgery: yep. i don’t have an appendix now hnfgjsfgks

- sport: im one of the least athletic people you’ll ever meet but i know some softball because i’ve written a sports article on the championship game for our intramurals lmaoooooooo

- vacation: dream vacation ?? any place w rich culture and history. but if this is asking what i did on vacation aside from staying home, we went to Mactan, Cebu last summer. It was beautiful :)

- trainers: ?? hmm i love wearing them bc theyre comfy and i need them bc my feet easily tire

more general:

- eating: i last ate a breakfast meal at mcdonalds w my roomies

- drinking: water

- i’m about to watch: blue is the warmest color tomorrow (i wasnt planning to watch a film actually but this made me think and aaah ok i need to watch this tomorrow while i have nothing to do)

- waiting for: classes to start

- want: a 4.0 GPA at least once and nothing below 3.5 this college

- get married: when im financially stable

- career: i wanna be a corporate lawyer

which is better:

- hugs or kisses: tight hugs !!!

- lips or eyes: eyes :>

- shorter or taller: a taller boii but if we’re talking about girls hmm a petite smol one wld be so cute (im definitely talking about someone here) :(((((((((((

- older or younger: older

- nice arms or stomach: arms

- hookup or relationship: rn i rlly dont need a relationship so id settle for a hookup if i get needy hhhh

- troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker (bc i am one, not intentionally just bc im A Fool)

have you ever:

- kissed a stranger: no

- drank hard liquor: yeap

- lost glasses: yeap all my glasses except the one im wearing rn and the last one i used bc i broke it

- turned someone down: i didn’t have a chance to

- sex on first date: no

- broken someone’s heart: people said so

- had your heart broken: yes

- been arrested: no

-  cried when someone died: yes

- fallen for a friend: yes :/

do you believe in:

- yourself: now i do !!

- miracles: maybe

- love at first sight: no

- santa claus: no

- kiss on first date: it depends

- angels: yeap

other:

- best friend’s name: june (so like i hardly use the nickname joon when i go hard bc that’s just Weird, man)

- eye colour: brown

- fave movie: kimi no nawa :///// or dead poets society

- fave actor: ... i dont watch films much :( ask me about books instead

[kyunsies]

Mädch I am beyond! thrilled! that you liked my lil Changkyun edit so much 🥺🥺🥺 I did include hydrangeas specifically because they're your favorite flowers, but also... they kinda suit Kyun?? Idk I thought they looked really nice with him

I'm so glad you're able to relax a little bit today! Is there anything specific you've done recently that's been fun? My sister and I ordered some albums that arrived yesterday so we opened them last night and that was so fun!!!! She got Wonho's Blue Letter and I got Cravity's new album! We'll both probably post about our spoils soon haha

Anyway I hope you're having a fantastic day and that you're able to have a restful weekend!!! Love you 💖 dkbtho

angel !!!!!! pls i saw that this morning and i was like 🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺 for me ????? i loved it so much you’re so thoughtful and kind :((( and FODJJD i love hydrangeas so much idk if i mentioned this but i want a ton of them at my wedding hhhh <3 you think they fit changkyun too i’m……….. gonna cry on the floor :((((((

also KDJKD to be completely honest love this was kind of the highlight of my day, going to get coffee and running errands lol i’ve had such a bad week and even today wasn’t so nice bc isoent it alone but maybe that’s what i needed ya know? AWWW that’s awesome that you two bought albums together tho 💕💘💖💗💓💞💕💘💖💗💓💞 i hope you enjoy them well !!! but i’m having a pretty good day bub and i hope you’re relaxing too :) love you VERY much mwah 🥰

[luxyte-moved]

@fallingstardoll tagged me to do this owo. tysm!!

92 TRUTHS TAG

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. at the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

LAST:

drink: pussy

phone call: from my mum yesterday

text message: me messaging my mum stuff about my bank the other day

song you listened to: the only thing by sufjan stevens bc it's giving me sad art inspo

time you cried: afjdhdjd i was so close to crying in class today simply because pmd music was playing

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: nah

been cheated on: nah

kissed someone and regretted it: nah

lost someone special: :))))))))))

been depressed: lol ye

been drunk and thrown up: maybe??? i can't really remember

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: yup!!

fallen out of love: nah

laughed until you cried: agjdvehdg maybe

met someone who changed you: yep and you know who you are you gay thot sgjdv

found out who your true friends are: hhhh idk???

found out someone was talking about you : ya

GENERAL:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: three but i'm not friends with one of them anymore

do you have any pets?: i have two fur babies (cats) named maizie and harley

do you want to change your name?: yeah i want to change to my preferred name

what time did you wake up this morning: 7:15 am

what were you doing last night: i napped and then watched trg

name something you cannot wait for: meeting tewwy one day owo

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: there was a tom in my english class at secondary school

what’s getting on your nerves right now: dude i'm just a giant ball of stress rn

blood type: nah

nickname: wiwey, pussyslayer69, shittylittledickdirtytinycock

relationship status: taken ♡

zodiac sign: cancer for sun and moon, libra for rising

pronouns: he/they

favorite show: pokemon

college: not revealing my actual college but i'm making the most of it that i can

hair color: brown

do you have a crush on someone: agjdvdjd does it count as a crush if you're with them???

what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhh i'm friendly i guess?

FIRSTS:

first surgery: nah

first piercing: ears

first sport you joined: i did cricket for a short while in year 6

first vacation: i think it was to benidorm when i was like 3

first pair of sneakers: idk???

RIGHT NOW:

eating: borger

drinking: chocolate milk

i’m about to: pass the fuck out

listening to: creature comfort by arcade fire

want kids: nah

get married: OWO!!!!!!!!!!

career: character designer

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: eyes

hugs or kisses: hugs (both are acceptable though)

shorter or taller: indifferent

older or younger: older but like not a drastic age difference or anything

romantic or spontaneous: either owo

sensitive or loud: sensitive

hookup or relationship : relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: nah

drank hard liquor: ye

lost contacts/glasses: nah

sex on first date: nah

broken someone’s heart: gee i hope not

been arrested: nah

turned someone down: avjsvs i've only ever asked people out so nah

fallen for a friend: yup

DO YOU BELIEVE:

in yourself: i'm fairly certain i'm fisting myself on the astral plane rn so no

miracles: maybe??

love at first sight: my demiromantic ass says nah

i'm not tagging anyone but feel free to do this if you want to!!!

[suhnnyskiess]

so we had a power outage yesterday night and today's morning so i spent and absurd amount of time writting for this tiktok prompt that was saying how we’re all worried whether or not we could pull our anime crushes when we should be thinking whether or not our anime crushes could pull us

And like hhhhh *head in hands* here goes nothing. Bc i spent my whole morning writting. for my top 4 HQ boys, kenma was the fifth but i didn’t finish the idea.

Iwaizumi

Okay but Iwaizumi could probably mmm okay if I were a second year and i had a crush on him i would probably ignore him? Like not ignore per se but probably would not even think he could like me, not bc im unlovable or anything (i think im pretty awesome) but bc i mean, I'm not even in his radar. Like in HS i was that student who despised sports except volleyball bc it was fun!! So maybe we befriend by me coming to the volleyball team to ask the coach if i can borrow a ball to play with my friends and the coach at firs was like 😐 so i go ☺️ and give him my student ID so he can be sure i will comeback and not steal his ball and if something happens he knows my info and he agrees!! So i go play with my friends and when i comeback the coach is not there anymore it's just Oikawa and Iwaizumi so i greet them and ask them where should i put the ball and they are like _oh, its you_ so i go ☺️☺️ yes its me! Thank them and i ask them for ny ID and Iwa gives it back so "Thanks iwaizumi san!" And go back my merry way and it becomes a ritual everyother day i come ask for the ball and return it to Iwa and one Friday we are having an event of sorts so all third years we have the day off classes and instead we have activities to do as a group and I go back to ask the couch for the ball but it's only Iwa so i ask him if he wants to play! He agrees and its funny bc hes still taller than me and some friends but we have fun! We get closer after that and we start greeting each other in the hall and maybe i even start going to see the team practice more often and its weird bc I'm next to Oikawas fangirls and i don't understand the hype? But its better than be alone and i always leave before they notice me until one day i lose track of time and i stay till the end of practice and Iwa sees me with bunch of oikawa's fangirls and I oblivious greet him and I'm flustered bc oh no what if he thinks im creepy but when i go down and tell him how he was doing great he goes ?? I thought you were watching oikawa? Why would I watch him when there's you? And we both realize what i just said so i yeet myself out bc thats embarrassing ❣️ and the next time he sees me he askes me why i did that and i just laugh and change the subject, its fun being friends with him. So if he told me he liked me i would be too shocked?? So I wouldn't be too sure to accept his confession but i would probably agree to hang out just the two of us, bc i would be interested but knowing myself i would eithrr be too conscious to accept or to eager so idk

BUT if we are talking about time skip! iwa the thoughts are the same like, if i do end up working in journalism or anything similar and idk let's say i end up working in sport news or something i probs would say _hi!_ to him or something and be friendly bc you always have to be nice even more so to the people you interview lmao so idk we end up as friends but he never asks me out bc i don't even process he might like me, sorry iwa chan. Like i am very oblivious lol.

Atsumu

Oh boy do I have been thinking hhhhh like you see the thing is with atsumu im pretty sure we would be like strangers to enemies to lovers I'm so sure of it. Like if he were my upperclassmen i would silently hate him and if we were in the same year i would straight out dispise him and roll eyes and be like 😐😐 why are you so cocky??? Like yeah hes actually very handsome and talented but ??? Hes soooo cocky around his fans like who does he think he is??? Idk I've always hated men lol So its most likely I would have banter around him in class like idk its my turn to speak in class he audibly yawns or coughs to interrumpt me so i accidentally forget to tell him to bring his USB for next day presentation bc schedule changed or when labs suddenly changed and we aree having chem lab and i remind everyone but it slips my mind to remind him stuff like that and one day we get paired up for math bc i suck and he doesn't suck as much so we have to work together and im trying to keep this stern vibe but he's joking around with Suna in the other table and I'm just losing my mind bc i need to pass and i ask him to kindly help me before i lose my mind so he kinda shifts like _sorry i know grades are important to you_ andf i go 👁️👁️ bc _...thanks_ and he ends up actually working so maybe he isn't as bad after all and maybe just maybe we can be friends.

Omg i got carried away 😭😭😭😐

So yeah i think after befriending him and seeing how he's not that bad i kinda do fall for him, but i would try to keep my "friends vibe" and be like everything is okay until one day its sports day or whatever and the volleyball team is playing against another good school and this is our last match as third years in a school event and everyone knows the Miya twins are Amazing and they are excited but i talk to atsumu in the changing rooms and just wish him good luck and i run back to the stairs bc that went awkward so the game begins and everyone is cheering bc we are winning but the other school wins the second set and now the third keeps us on our toes but of course everyone is giving their all and when finally atsumu sets osamu the final pass we win and everyone is screaming in excitement and us third years who where on the public go running towards them and we are all celebrating and I immediately go hug atsumu bc !!! We won and he hugs me back bc !!! We won!!! But then i realize we are too close and i get nervous again so try to move but he doesn't let me and 👉🏽👈🏽 i look at him and he looks at me and maybr something happens i don't know

Short answer is yes, he could pull me.

nOw if we talk about time skip atsumu i don't think he's as cocky as when he was a teen, cuz like he's an adult of sorts. I sill don't know how could we meet tho, I have friends who play volleyball so maybe one day i ask if I can see them play and they are having a friendly match with some other people in the gym and I agree bc we are having food after the game so- Maybe we meet there, add him on socials and i realize he's a famous player 😐😐😐 and i talked to him casually but then i see a message request and its from him so we kinda statt talking. As I said, i don't know if I could realize if its mutual or not bc i never notice if someone i like likes me and if i notice its bc i know they don't like me, bc i only have noticed when strangers??? Not strangers perse but ppl who i don't like back like me lol. So if he ever asked me out on a date i wouldn't even know it was a date 😭😭 and when people start asking us if we are dating i would be like mmm🧐 no we just went to eat😋😋 so he would have to freaking spell it out for me if he likes me 😩

Kuroo

Kuroo would be too cocky to even pull me like with how i was in Highschool i would have most likely think he was playing around or too himbo for my liking bc yeah hes nice and all but? I remember having classmates that could fit the Kuroo criteria and some girls did crush on them but like? Maybe i would too but probably i would quickly be over it LMAO Like yeah i would probably get flustered if he flirted  but i would recover easily bc lmao he's just being friendly. Like hes too nice for me to nice something, lets say we both are studying in the library with other classmates and hes helping us with chem I would simply think hes being nice or a good freind even bc ??? hes nice yknow or if he helps me carry my bag or lunch when im walking the stairs I don’t know i think he would probably get desperate that i never see his actings towards me or wthv so one day he simply goes “I have to tell you something” and i think everyone but me knows so i just nod and walk with him outside the classroom and he well says what he feels and i honest to kid you not i would simply go :o really? BC HDOSFJDSIFJSS HES A NICE FRIEND so maybe idk, really depends but if i did like him i would propably get flustarted bc i would probably realize at that moment i do like him but if im not like thinking I would the awkward thing you do when someone likes you and you are just like Oh thanks idk what to say back lol c-ya So yeah idk i do think hes very handsome and smart and likeabale but i can’t see myself straight out accepting bc i tend to bee very dumb with feelings <3

Timeskip Kuroo however would maybe do pick my attention, he has a stable job, has friends, is athletic like he could easily pull me bUT would depend really on my mood bc that could also be too normal?? Idk man haven't dated anyone seriously to know what timeskip could be like. BUT LIKEEE YESSS IMAGINE another friend with a normal 9 to 5 job that hates capitalism as much as me and we both complain about having to live in this fucked up system and trying to subvert as much as we can HHHH AND HES AN EYE CANDY TOO??? yes i am objectivfying him.

Bokuto

Bokuto in HS would have me swooning over him in silence and not me ever telling him i liked him. Or i would jokingly say i like him but never to serious bc he's way too popular and i know the point of this is too see if they could pull me sbdkdld

So okay, hmmmm as i said i would probably be too shy to approach him if he was an upperclassmen, if we were the same year i would talk to him and even help with homework bc thats what i did with some jocks but i just think i wouldn't notice if he liked me 😭😭😭 Like if he ever asked me out i would think its a secret camera or something??? Like why would he??? But if he is serious about it I think I would say yes???

Timeskip bokuto is in a similar story as iwa, if i do end up working in journalism and i meet him by chance it would be cute?? To see him show interest in me but i don't know if I would accept or notice? Bc I'm working and i should be professional but if he asks me out after they won s game i would probably say yes bc how can i not say yes to him LOOK AT HIM HHHHH *screams*

[ourvalentinesnight-blog]

... meh.

this week has been long & annoying. 

there was some good parts - i went to comicon in boston w/ my dad & sister & saw some hella cute waiters at the coffee shop we went to & at the 99- that was pretty nice. legit- the waiter at the 99 was soooo handsome dude, he looked like a younger & more hipster version of brendon urie (if that’s possible) and he was just gorgeous. i got to meet that chick from overwatch - the woman that plays d.va - charlet chung - & ig that was kinda cool. it would have been a bit nicer if she wasn’t 2 hours late lol. two days ago i got to see some puppies at the pet store (i live in a smaller town, so it’s in one of the larger town/cites near mine) & there was this super super super cute puppy - he was a fluffy black and white (insert-breed-here) & he wAS TEETHING ON MY FINGER OMG- he was p r e c i o u s. too bad he was like, more than a thousand dollars. ;/ 

yesterday i skyped my two guy friends - patrick & sam - for like, 2 hours i think? it was really funny. my new backpack also came in, along with some new boots for school!! they’re dr. marten’s bc my dad insisted for me to get that brand, i guess? they’re this nice reddish brown color & i’m psyched to rock them on the first day! which by the way i’m not looking forward to lol 

i also covered my laptop in a shit ton of decals that my sister gave me & my laptop looks awesome now. i did the same w/ my speakers & dudeeee - one of my speakers specifically has a weed & a nearly naked lady gaga on the same side & it looks like jesus lmfao

now onto the baddd stuff. 

so i’ve been sleeping a lot lately. i mean, sleep is great. i just wish my body would just automatically wake up at 9 or something so i could actually do stuff during the morning & not eat breakfast at 2 pm like i did today. it’s probably bc i stayed up till like, 2 or so. i just don’t get why i’m always tired?? like i go to bed sometimes at 11 or so & i still sleep in till the afternoon ;( i should probably start setting alarm clocks in the am & stop going to bed so late. i just like sleep ig lolol

i kinda have a prob w/ one of my ‘friends’ & it’s really bugging me- basically, her & i have been friends, let alone been in the same friend group since 4th grade. it’s until 6th grade that she started ditching me & my friend (zoe is her name) for her boyfriends. she did that in 7th before i left to be home-schooled (that’s a long story) & she did it  m a j o r l y  in 8th grade, let alone throughout the summer. when we went to washington d.c. for a field trip at the end of march (a week after my birthday) she only hung out with her boyfriend (who was tucker at the time) & ditched zoe & her own partner, abby, the whole time. then when i tried confronting her about it in our hotel room (since we of course shared one) she just shrugged & completely disregarded our hurt feels. that was the more major time she did that.

over the summer, she had been dumped by tucker, & not even within a few days did she get a new boyfriend. he was at this campground she goes to during the summertime, so she only got to see him during the weekends, depending if he went or not. she once invited me to that campground w/ her, & it was fun at first. then she kept flirting w/ ANOTHER GUY WHO WASN’T HER BOYFRIEND & i’m p sure she was talking shit about me w/ some of her friends away from one of my own acquaintances i had met there & i. they kept looking at me weird & changing where they were gonna talk every two minutes. 

after a while of them doing that, they wanted to go to this place called “teen tower” which is just a treehouse only for teens. i didn’t feel like going, (bc y’know, her friends were kinda assholes to me) so i just waved them off. when we finally met up again, we were at the park right in front of her campsite. her, i, and two of her friends were just talking at the top of the slide - playing some game where we talk about the sexual encounters we’ve had. by the time it got to my turn, i asked, “with a boy or a girl?” & they gave me a confused look. then i said something like, “yeah, i’m bi.” & they just fucking jumped off the thing yelling about how disgusting that being bisexual was. being the sensitive child i am, i started crying, & my friend kept saying it was a joke, but she looked like she was embarrassed of me. she didn’t tell them off or anything or tell them to apologize to me when they came back for my ‘friend’. later that night she ditched me for all those boys while i waited outside until my phone died & i needed to charged. when i went back into her camper, her mom made me feel better by giving me some food & her little brother showed me some games on his ipad. when she got back, she got in trouble with her parents, & gave me the silent treatment the entire night. she even gave me the silent treatment in the morning, not making me feel any better. 

pretty much ever since then, she hasn’t been talking to me nor zoe. she keeps posting on social media & sending streaks.. but she’s just.. ignoring us. she also posted something on her spam account on insta about how she wished the friends in nh (which is where zoe, her and i live) were as great and amazing as the friends in ma were. (which is where the campground is that she goes to) i just don’t know. i don’t even know if she’s worth it anymore.. she just gets embarrassed of how bad my anxiety is & how i can kinda be a debby downer bc of that & how i tend to jump to conclusions or assume the worst to happen. i mean, my dad always used to say to me “assume the worst to happen & it’ll be way better than you expected” so that’s what i’ve been doing? i just wish she’d be more.. understanding about anxiety, & not get angry with us if we do freak out about little things... i don’t know. i can’t tell if it’s us or it’s her? i can’t tell if i’m not good enough for her and not good enough to be her friend, or that she’s just stuckup? *sigh* i just don’t know. 

listening to: true love cafe by nicole dollaganger (this song is sexual yet so calming hhhh)

eating: imma plan & get an apple or something. maybe celery & peanut butter?

drinking: water 

mood: confused, thinking too much