today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
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Dear butches,
You are not second place to a man. You are not an experiment, a backup plan, or a shameful secret. You are someone's first choice and she will love you, all of you, as you are. She will treat you like a serious and equal partner, she will be proud to be with you, and your love will see the light of day 🧡
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hey wanna see a silly fucked up headcanon I had
HYPOTHETICALLY him drawing these triangles is a mindless cry for his parents, that maybe, if they weren't entirely gone, they'd be there watching him.
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do you ever think about tommy paying for their dinner date or tommy pouring the beer in buck’s glass or tommy gently grabbing buck’s chin or tommy showing up despite him being on-call or tommy’s “i didn’t wanna pressure you” or his “i think you’re adorable” or tommy feeling bad for leaving the party to go to work and immediately promised buck he’ll try his damnest to make it to the wedding or him apologizing for being late to their wedding date even though he has valid reasons or tommy going straight to buck after fighting a beast of a fire still in his turnouts
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