#i thought of the charles quote ‘oh my god i have never looked this good’ but just with stupid instead

[httpiastri]

i have never seen anyone look this stupid before

[dayslynthesix]

Pirates | Charles Leclerc x Button!reader | bonus part

considering that today is charles leclerc international day here's a collection of all elise's birthday posts to charles for the last years

hope you enjoy it!

happy birthday to charlie boy

elisebutton

liked by scuderiaferrari, jensonbutton, beatricebutton, pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 233.154 others

elisebutton of all taylor swift ways to say i love you i will go with: and at every table i'll save you a seat, happy birthday, cuore mio, there's no words to describe how much i love you. i wish you the world. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME BUT YOURE FEELING 22.

charles_leclerc thank you, mon couer, i love you

jensonbutton happy birthday, charles. it is very pleasant to have you on the family.

pierregasly so cheesy

comments on this post have been restrained

october 16, 2019

elisebutton

liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, f1, jensonbutton, carlossainz55 and 433.165 others

elisebutton what a privilege to spend another year by your side. happy birthday, cuore mio, it's amazing to go for night swims with you and pretend that us booth are sirens. i will always love you. happy 23.

charles_leclerc you weren't supposed to tell people about the sirens part 🤔

charles_leclerc leclerc thank you my love ❤

maxverstappen1 oh i see, your are here 2 years, im here 10, and charles is already playing sirens with you

jensonbutton another year, another post of my daughter kicking her feets smiling at the phone

elisebutton i see, i embarrassed charles and you embarrass me in payback, i knew that you liked him more

comments on this post have been restrained

october 16, 2020

elisebutton

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, carlossainz55, pierregasly, jensonbutton and 477.865 others

elisebutton happy 24 birthday to the one and only charles leclerc, love you my love, wishing you all the best. all's well that ends well to end up with you ❤

charles_leclerc for a couple of minutes i thought it was a all to well subtitle and i froze, thank you my love, missing you and website

maxverstappen1 thank god it was a lover lyrics, i was already calling 911 for daniel

scuderiaferrari elise and her taylor swift boy coded

user1 i just went to lis last posts about charles birthday and im so in love with them

user2 everyone was scared to death with the lyrics, but it was jus lis quoting lover

user3 i want what they have

october 16, 2021

elisebutton

liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, f1, jensonbutton and 677.233 others

elisebutton happy birthday to my sea boy and i think we can be pirates (partners), love you to the moon and to saturn, you light up my life. happy 25.

charles_leclerc i love discovering new places with you, thank you babe ❤

jensonbutton happy birthday, charles, now please could you give me back my daughter?

scuderiaferrari take good care of our driver!

maxverstappen1 ill steal that boat because that will be probably the only way ill be able to go for a boat trip

user4 max, jenson and lis fighting to see who likes charles more

user5 "boat was steal by formula one world champion max verstappen, when asked about why he said it was because no one invited him for the boat trip"

liked by elisebutton, maxverstappen1 and charles_leclerc

user6 KAIAJWJAIIWJWISIS the subtitle

user7 the way lis quote tswift to charles is why im still alive

october 16, 2022

elisebutton

liked by redbullracing, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, pierregasly, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, lewishamilton and 877.844 others

elisebutton one single threat of gold tied me to you. happy birthday my karma, my lover, my invisible string, i love you. see you in a couple of days. me, website, salem, my dad and my mom wish you a happy 26.

charles_leclerc i love how taytay references just grew bigger and bigger and i love you, looking forward to see you in a couple of days

laurencaspari he stole my wife, ill never forgive him for that (happy bday, charlie)

maxverstappen1 next year anniversary post will be just taylor lyrics and how there's no photo of the pets?

elisebutton im sorry max, website and salem are with my parents but ill ask them to send me pics of the pets so i can send it to you

maxverstappen1 that's why your my favorite teammate

danielricciardo what?

lewishamilton happy birthday and stuff but i just love the birthday tradition that lis created and every year im just scrolling through my insta account waiting for it

elisebutton i have a note on my phone with all the ways taylor says i love you and i choose one for each year 😩

pierregasly how can 2 people be so cheesy

elisebutton youre jealous because there's no cute post for you 😝

pierregasly i still think you don't like me

carlossainz55 cabronzito is 26 and there's no taylor song that say anything about that, it is probably a sad day to lis

danielricciardo happy birthday, mate, see you in vegas and we can celebrate

elisebutton WTF HAPPENED IN VEGAS?

cota we all know we're singing happy birthday to charles this weekend

laurencaspari and wishing to the happy birthday song to be followed by the monegasque anthem and the italian anthem

user8 hey maxverstappen1 what about you let your friend win this weekend?

maxverstappen1 if he gets the pole lis and i are going to defend

user9 max is like no one is overtaking my friend

user10 who could possibly imagine that charles and max would be actual friends in 2023? because it was not on my bingo card

user11 the last time max said something like that (monza, 2021) he crashed on the start so let's hope lis can do her things and not allow something like that again

elisebutton got ya!

october 16, 2023

[leclerc-s]

a nonsense christmas

series masterlist

liked by maxverstappen1, nataliaruiz, arthur_leclerc and others

maejones 'i caught that holiday glee, my true love gave it to me.' i present to you a nonsense christmas.

view all comments

danielricciardo i thought you couldn't get anymore unhinged after nonsense, i was so wrong.

daphnejones mae, what the hell is this song.

↳ maejones it's a christmas song daph! do you not like it?

isabellaperez brb gonna go play it for christian and my uncle!

↳ maxverstappen1 ISABELLA DON'T YOU DARE!

↳ isabellaperez OH IT LOOKS LIKE JOS IS IN THE GARAGE!

↳ maxverstappen1 ISABELLA!

↳ user89 oh to be apart of this friend group

penelopetrevino sometimes i wonder how people think i'm the horny one when mae writes shit like this.

↳ dulceperez you wrote mayores. daphne wrote dress. mae wrote nonsense. i think all three of you are equally horny

user41 well i made the mistake of playing this infront of my parents i will never recover.

↳ user09 NO! OH I PRAY FOR YOU

esteban ocon i'm supposed to be able to look max in the eyes now?

lewishamilton i renounce our friendship. good luck to fernando and seb, but i'm done. find someone to replace me. maybe kimi or valtteri. hell kevin or hulkenberg might like these guys.

↳ georgerussell63 good luck being able to get away from us

user32 i fear jos is questioning who his son is dating and who his friends are

↳ landonorris oh, he did that way before this song or nonsense came out

isabellaperez JOS VERSTAPPEN IS NOT A FAN OF A NONSENSE CHRISTMAS! I REPEAT HE IS NOT A FAN! MAX TELL HIM TO PUT THE FUCKING FORK DOWN!

↳ user13 there's no way she actually did it

↳ maxverstappen1 I WARNED YOU NOT TO DO THAT! HE WASN'T GOING TO LIKE IT!

↳ user13 i stand corrected

↳ danielricciardo THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN! NETFLIX BETTER BE RECORDING THIS BECAUSE IT'S COMEDY GOLD!

↳ alex_albon SHE JUST RAN PAST THE WILLIAMS GARAGE!! I THINK I'M ABOUT TO PEE FROM ALL THIS LAUGHING!!

↳ nataliaruiz PEOPLE! IT'S NOT JOS CHASING HER WITH A FORK! IT'S MAX WITH A WATER GUN! JOS LEFT THE GARAGE AFTER ISABELLA PULLED HER LITTLE TRICK!! HE HAD A FORK BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING LUNCH WITH MAE!!

↳ maejones YOU COULDN'T HAVE WAITED UNTIL HE WAS ALONE? I CAN NEVER FACE HIM AGAIN! OH MY GOD, DIGGING MY GRAVE AS WE SPEAK!!

↳ dulceperez she looks like a wet and angry kitten

isabella perez MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN I WILL BE GETTING MY REVENGE!

max verstappen I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!!

isabella perez DULCE MARIA PEREZ! YOU'RE FUCKING NEXT!

esteban ocon she's in the alpine garage and she does look like a wet cat

oscar piastri i think it's kinda cute

logan sargeant AY-YO? ARE WE JUST GONNA SLIDE PAST THAT?

alex albon i think the songs kinda catchy.

daniel jones-ricciardo i did not need to know max had big snowballs.

mae jones you've literally seen him naked before pierre gasly UM WHAT? daniel jones-ricciardo IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! HOW I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS NAKED? max verstappen THERE'S THIS NEW THING. IT'S CALLED KNOCKING daniel ricciardo DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE QUOTE ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS AT ME MAX!

fernando alonso i worry for all of you. also what does 'you got a new toy for me' mean? aren't all of you too old to be playing with toys?

esteban ocon i know you're not that fucking naive fernando. stop fucking with them. fernando alonso but it's so much fun

lewis hamilton OH MY GOD! SOME THINGS ARE BETTER KEPT A SECRET MAE!

mae jones so my sister can write dress and scratches down daniel's back but i can't write about max's dick?

carlos sainz i am permanently scarred. some things i can't ever unhear.

george russell i am in shock

esteban ocon i need 3 to 5 business WEEKS to recover from this.

sebastian vettel i'm speechless and not in a good way

mick schumacher ignoring who the song is about and that i know the singer, it's good.

freya vettel a certified christmas bop

natalia ruiz I NEED THAT CHARLES DICKENS. YOU'LL BE SANTA CLAUS AND I'LL BE MRS. I'LL TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE, I'LL BE YOUR VIXEN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW I'M TALKING CHRISTMAS!!

daphne jones-ricciardo i know someday you two idiots will have children and i pray they never find this song. just like i pray they never find mine.

rowan todd digital footprint is real guys, just look at timothee chalamet, the superior french guy.

esteban ocon uh oh, i think they're fighting again. dulce perez alright, what'd you do this time gasly? pierre gasly why is it always my fault? dulce perez it's always your fault bitch, so what'd you do? pierre gasly i didn't do shit, this time, she's just mad because i ate the last croissant. natalia ruiz uh oh, i know those symptoms. charles leclerc the world is not ready for little pierres rowan todd i'm not pregnant (i think) pierre gasly what the fuck??? isabella perez ARE WE GETTING ANOTHER BABY?? SO CLOSE TO BABY LECLERC?? AWWW!! YES!!

max verstappen god i hope not. one mini charles we can handle but a mini pierre no please no.

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie

¡leclerc-s speaks! shout out to @bb-swift who replied to nonsense and reminded me that a nonsense christmas existed. let's not talk about today's gp and use humor to cope. as a charles girlie i am struggling today as i have the entire season. i've also created a google form for people to fill out if you wish to be added to the taglist to any of my series.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[khaleesiofalicante]

“How do you know my brother?”

Ah. Shit. 

Maybe don’t mention it?

Right now?

In public?

While he is holding a drink in his hand?

Yeah. 

No. 

“Um,” Ben peers into his boba. “We met at the conference.”

“The one on sustainable housing and urban development?” Matthew asks. 

That’s his name. 

Matthew. 

God’s gift. 

That’s what it means. 

He looks at Matthew. 

His green eyes, which are playful and mysterious. His soft blonde hair, which looks like it requires a 22 step routine for combing and caring. 

He keeps staring at Matthew. 

Ben isn’t sure if the other man is God’s gift or God himself. 

Ben nods. “That’s the one.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a politician,” Matthew chuckles. “You don’t look like one.”

“What is a politician supposed to look like?” Ben asks. 

Matthew points at him. “Not this.”

Ben hopes - and briefly prays - that his cheeks, and other parts of his body, don’t betray him right now. 

“Oh, come on! It’s 2022!” Ben manages a scoff. “We should really stop judging people by their looks and start judging them by their lockscreens.”

The corner of Matthew’s lips curl up. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Benjamin Joseph Clarke. You might have met your match. 

They have been sitting at the coffee shop and talking for an hour. 

It feels good. 

Matthew feels good. 

Wait. 

No. 

A partner is not just someone who feels good. It’s someone who makes you feel good about yourself too. 

Stupid Luca and his stupid advice. 

Ben holds up his phone. 

“I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending,” Matthew reads the quote on Ben’s lock screen. “Swiftie?”

Ben smiles. “Only religion I know.”

Matthew chuckles and holds up his phone. His lockscreen is of a golden retriever napping next to a pond. 

“Oh my god,” Ben squeals. “Is he yours?”

“No. I like to use pictures of my neighbour’s dog as my lockscreen,” Matthew replies. 

Ben rolls his eyes fondly. 

Matthew smiles and then frowns at his boba. “Do I eat the balls?”

Ben chokes on his tea. “What?”

“The balls,” Matthew shakes his boba. “Do I eat the balls?”

“You seriously never had boba before?” Ben asks incredulously. 

“No,” Matthew shakes his head. “I need you to teach me. What do I do with the balls? Do I chew on it? Swallow it? Or maybe-”

“Please stop talking about the balls,” Ben says tightly. 

He had never thought he’d get turned on by fucking tapioca balls. 

But here is. 

You learn something new about yourself every day. 

Matthew chuckles and slurps on his boba. 

“So, you’re a model, right?” Ben asks. Matthew nods. “Did you go to Oxford too?”

Matthew sighs. “I suppose Charles rambled about his Oxford days?”

He had. 

A lot. 

If a man talks about his university days as the best part of his life, that’s a red flag. 

“I was there for a semester,” Matthew goes on. “English Lit.”

“Only one semester?” Ben asks. “Didn’t like the vibe?”

“The vibe didn’t like me,” Matthew replies. “But I did meet my best mate at Oxford. We had quite a blast before we both got dismissed from the university.”

Ben laughs. “Getting dismissed from Oxford is such a flex.”

“Really? More so than getting into it?” Matthew asks. 

“Anyone can get in anywhere,” Ben shrugs. 

“Is that so?” Matthew grins. 

Oh Christ. 

Who is this man and why is he so insufferably good at making Ben blush?

“Why politics?” Matthew asks. 

Ben blinks at the question. “I don’t know. Why modelling?”

“Free stuff, travelling, exclusive party invitations, you name it,” Matthew replies succintly. “Why politics?”

“I don’t think I have an answer for that,” Ben replies honestly. “It made sense to get into this after university.”

“Why did you study?”

“Architecture and urban development.”

Matthew raises an eyebrow. He looks fucking good doing that. 

“What did I tell you about judging books by the cover?” Ben asks. 

“Why architecture?” Matthew asks. 

“Do you always ask this many questions?” Ben demands tiredly. 

“Only when I meet interesting people,” Matthew grins. “Why architecture?”

Matthew vaguely reminds him of Dwayne. His press secretary’s five year old son who kept poking it at things until it hurt his finger. 

“Well, I wasn’t really raised in what you would call a loving or safe home,” Ben replies. “I liked the idea of growing up and building one for other people.”

Matthew is quiet for a minute. “Not in good terms with your parents?”

Ben sighs dramatically. “They don’t really approve of who I am.”

“Well, that’s very close-minded of them,” Matthew says in disapproval. “Politicians are people too.”

Ben blinks and lets out a startled laugh. “What about your family?”

Matthew’s face is blank. “It’s complicated.”

“They don’t like who you are?” Ben asks. 

Matthew smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “They don’t know who I am.”

“Do you?” Ben asks in a whisper. 

Matthew chuckles. “I need something stronger than bubble tea to answer that one.”

“Oh,” Ben says. “I don’t really…I’m not…I can’t have, um, I actually-”

Matthew stands up and grabs his coat. “Do you want to get out here? We could go back to my apartment. My friends just returned from their honeymoon in Paris and bought back the most amazing bottle of Domaine Etienne Guigal.”

“Oh,” Ben says again. 

He looks at his phone. 

At his lockscreen. 

“Actually,” he hears himself say. “I have to go back to my hotel.”

Matthew frowns. “Are you sure?”

Ben smiles. “No.”

Matthew grins. “Are you playing hard to get, Benjamin?”

“Oh, no. I’m actually quite easy,” Ben corrects with a tired laugh. “But, um, I can’t right now. Sorry.”

Matthew seems surprised. But he nods. “Of course. May I ask why? Was it something I did? Was it the bit with the balls?”

Ben laughs. “No. No. I liked the bit with the balls.”

“What’s wrong then?” Matthew asks. 

Other than the obvious?

Nothing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

And that’s terrifying. 

Nothing is wrong. 

This feels right and I’m not used to that. 

Ben sighs. “Nothing’s wrong. I just have to go.”

Matthew stares at him, his green eyes impassive. Then he nods. “Alright.”

“Alright,” Ben smiles. “It was, uh, it was nice meeting you.”

“My pleasure,” Matthew smiles. 

Ben grabs his coat and quickly walks out of coffee shop. 

“Stupid son of a bitch,” Ben mutters to himself. “Seriously just fucking-”

“Hey!”

Ben turns around. 

“You didn’t ask me why I got dismissed from Oxford,” Matthew says as he walks up to him. 

“Oh,” Ben says. “Um. Why did you get dismissed?”

“It’s a bit of a long story,” Matthew replies. 

“Really?”

“No,” Matthew shakes his. “I just like talking to you. So, I was going to put that literature degree to use and make something up.”

Ben chuckles. “What would have you said?”

“That my mates and I blasted the east wing of the library,” Matthew shrugs. 

“That’s arson!” Ben laughs. “You would be in jail for damaging historical property.”

“Perhaps,” Matthew hums. “But not if the detective who arrested me fell in love with me and let me escape and I’ve been living as a fugitive of the law ever since.”

“Of course,” Ben nods seriously. “I guess that’s why you picked such a low-profile job? The kind where no one will remember your face?”

Matthew grins. “I really do like talking to you.”

Ben’s heart tries to leap out of his shirt. 

“Would you like to talk some more?” Matthew asks. “I’ll even drink that atrocious beverage for your sake.”

“For my sake?” Ben asks as he walks back towards the coffee shop. “You don’t like boba??”

“As I said, it’s atrocious. You Americans have ruined tea,” Matthew says indignantly. “What kind tea has balls inside it?”

“Honey, I literally saw something called ‘spotted dick’ in my dessert menu last night,” Ben points out incredulously. “You don’t get judge our food.”

“Spotted Dick is a traditional steamed pudding,” Matthew says as he pushes the door open for him. No one’s really held the door open for Ben before. “If you hate that one, I cannot wait for you to try Bubble and Squeak.”

“What the fuck?”

Matthew laughs. “Toad in the Hole?”

“You guys are lucky you have a sexy accent. It phases out the shit y’all say,” Ben sniffs as he sits back down - this time next to the window. 

“Do I speak shite too?” Matthew asks. 

Ben nods solemnly. “Yep.”

“And yet here you are anyway,” Matthew grins. 

“And yet here I am,” Ben leans back into the chair. “I guess I like talking to you too.”

[risingphoenix87]

More incorrect quotes (featuring a special guest)!

Charles: Bob, do you love me?

Prof. Callaghan: Of course I do!

Charles: Would you still love me if I did something bad?

Prof. Callaghan: Well, of course I… would…

Charles: I mean something really, really—

Prof. Callaghan: Charles, what did you do?

Phoenix: Syndrome, is that my mug you’re drinking out of?

Syndrome: No, it’s mine.

Phoenix: It... looks just like the one I have...

Syndrome: You don’t have one like this anymore.

Phoenix: Tomorrow's garbage day.

Randall: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

(Well, fuck you, too, Cunty Purple)

Ernesto: I think I'm falling for you.

Phoenix: Then get up.

(of course my love for Ernesto burns with the passion of a thousand Suns,but do you really think I'd tell him that?)

Prof. Callaghan, teaching Phoenix to drive: Okay, you're driving and Gothel and Charles walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Phoenix: Oh, definitely Charles. I could never hurt Gothel.

Prof. Callaghan, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Phoenix, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!

Ernesto: Phoenix, querida, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Turbo, would you get Phoenix some water?

Turbo: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?

Ernesto: Phoenix! I can't do this stupid math!

Phoenix: What’s the math problem?

Ernesto: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope we don’t multiply.

Prof. Callaghan, covering Dawn's ears, while Phoenix smacks Ernesto upside the head: Not going to lie that was hella smooth...

(Dawn is a grown ewe; I'm sure she knows what sex is)

Dawn: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Charles is walking in this room.

Gothel: *wheeze*

Prof. Callaghan: What do you call disobeying the law?

The Squad: A hobby.

Prof. Callaghan: *crosses his arms*

The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Gothel: Hey, do you know the password to Prof. Callaghan’s computer?

Charles: Fuck you, Gothel.

Gothel: Hey!!

Charles: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouGothel".

Gothel: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

(of course, what he doesn't tell her is who set the password up)

*Syndrome and Gothel are in a car teetering on the edge of a cliff*

Syndrome: oh my god, Gothel, backwards!

Gothel: Really, Syndrome? I thought I might go forwards into the river, I thought that would be a fun thing to do.

Ernesto: They can't make me admit France exists, right? Legally, that's not allowed.

Ernesto: Sure, if France was REAL I'd say I liked it.

Ernesto: But who's to say.

Charles: I think France isn't real.

Dawn: Charles, you've been to France.

Charles: And???

Randall, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?

Dawn: *half asleep* Randall, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to herself* the Queen.

Syndrome: Hey Phoenix, can you give me the opposite of these words?

Syndrome: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.

Phoenix: Never, Going, To, Give, You-

Phoenix: The fucking satisfaction.

Randall: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Phoenix: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Randall: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Phoenix: Somehow that's worse.

Randall: I'm not that stupid!

Dawn: Randall, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Randall: PHOENIX TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

(Hee hee hee…)

Turbo: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Phoenix: Go the fuck to sleep Turbo.

Dawn: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.

Ernesto: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

Prof. Callaghan: I’m in love with you.

Charles: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Prof. Callaghan: I know.

Charles: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Randall: So Phoenix was just using me?

Ernesto: I’m sorry, Randall.

Dawn, trying to contain her amusement: You must feel pretty stupid right now.

Randall: 😡😡😡😡

Ernesto: Ok, that’s a time-out.

Dawn: No, I was just trying to-

Ernesto: Go sit over there!

Dawn: *walks away in defeat*

Charles: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Prof. Callaghan: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Charles: I said within reason, Bob. How about I murder that guy?

Prof. Callaghan: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Charles: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Dawn: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.

Ernesto: What changed your mind?

Dawn: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.

(True friendship)

Ernesto, holding a fork: You know you're talking mucha mierda for someone who has two perfectly good eyeballs each costing about $16,000 on the blackmarket.

Randall: ....😳

Ernesto: *lip smack*

Randall: Look at the buns on that guy!

Ernesto: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*

Gothel: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!

Randall (pulling out a gun): I'm not going back to jail!

Ernesto, at Phoenix: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Hans, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

Gothel: And now for a gay update with Charles and Prof. Callaghan.

Dawn (filming their coffee date): Getting gayer.

Gothel: Thank you, Dawn.

Hans: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!

Hans: I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-

Phoenix: I did?

Hans: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Phoenix.

*walking away*

Phoenix: 😏

Phoenix: He's gone, Turbo.

Turbo, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: Twankh uh!

Prof. Callaghan: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Charles: Thank you for your sacrifice, Gothel.

Ernesto: Hopefully Carlos has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.

Charles: Oh, shut up and die, Ernesto.

(ummm…little late for that)

*In a horror movie situation*

Prof. Callaghan: I've got no service on my phone here.

Dawn: Shoot, my battery just died.

Gothel: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.

Ernesto: Amigos, my phone is a book.

Hans: Guys where did Randall go?

Prof. Callaghan: He got arrested.

Hans: How the hell-

Randall: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

Charles: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Prof. Callaghan, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Dawn: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Turbo: His name was Jared, he's nineteen.

Syndrome: When his parents built a very strange machine.

Randall: Watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen.

Ernesto: Ayyy, Macarena.

Hans: Horrible job, everyone.

Prof. Callaghan: Don't. Say. A. Word.

Charles:

Charles: Fergalicious.

Prof. Callaghan: I said no words!

Charles: Oh, I see how it is. Two weeks ago we're playing Scrabble, it's not a word. Now suddenly it's a word because it's convenient for you!

Prof. Callaghan: If you have any questions, just ask.

Syndrome: If a bear and a shark got into a fight, who would win?

Prof. Callaghan:

Prof. Callaghan: If you have any relevant questions, feel free to ask.

Gothel: Ladies, it's time to stop "weaponizing" your looks and time to start wearing actual weapons. Forget winging your eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man and invest in some steel toed boots.

Charles: Look, you didn't ask me for my opinion, but I'm old, so I'm giving it away.

Dawn: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Hans: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here!?

Gothel: It's kind of complicated, but Turbo-

Hans: Got it. Forget I asked.

Randall: Well, excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on!

(though, let's be honest; this could be from just about any one of them!)

Hans: That's it! You're all grounded. Ernesto, no Dawn for you. Syndrome, no coffee for you. Charles, no guns for you. And...

Hans: *looks at Dawn*

Hans: Oh my God, is there anything that you love?

Charles: Being gay isn't a choice.

Charles, holding Prof. Callaghan's hand like a trophy: It's a game and I'm winning.

Charles: Syndrome has no survival or self-preservation instincts. I think he was born without them.

Turbo: That can't be true.

Charles: Watch this.

Charles: Hey Syndrome! Race you downstairs!

Syndrome: *jumps out of a three-story window*

Syndrome: Can you believe it? We made it backstage.

Randall: This is not backstage!

Dawn: This is practically jail.

Randall: Those guys are cops.

Dawn: Yes! Scary cops who are going to arrest us for having fake tickets, Syndrome!

Syndrome: Guys, the tickets are not fake.

Randall: Are you sure?

Syndrome: I photocopied them myself.

Randall and Dawn:

Syndrome: What?

Dawn: You can't photocopy tickets!

Syndrome: Yes, you can. You just put them on the glass, close the lid thingy, and press copy. Any moron could do it.

Randall: No, not just any moron. It takes a special moron. Like you!

Prof. Callaghan: *puts honey in Charles's tea*

Charles: Hell yeah, get in that leaf juice you sexy, sexy bee sauce.

Prof. Callaghan: Do you take constructive criticisms for your sentences?

Charles: I absolutely do not.

Hans: Where the hell were you last night, Professor?!?

Prof. Callaghan: I was at a party smoking weed.

Randall, with a mouthful of chips: Don't lie, you were at the library you fuckin nerd.

Dawn: How do we usually get out of these type of messes?

Ernesto: We Don't. We usually make a bigger mess that cancels out the first one.

[dreamauri]

♪ — 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗥𝗢𝗖𝗞 - part four max verstappen x fem! driver! reader (fluff) “. . . this is what they call: puppy love.”

( fic master list | general master list ) ( requests ) ( previous | next )

Y/N Gemazi-L/N chats with Martin Brundle on his DREAM F1 debut 🔴🎂

"One more lap, tsunoda ahead in p10. push for q3." "heard." You mumbled back on the radio, preparing for one more qualifying lap to be a part f the top ten. You've never raced in jeddah before as it was one of the newer circuits and you'd long left formula 2 by then.

But the track wasn't too difficult to figure out. Sure the track is challenging, especially since FP3 wasn't enough to learn the car and that you still indeed are learning the track. Qualifying laps were ok, no real battles yet, just against the clock which gave you peace of mind.

The sim helped a little, not as much as the fact that you'd be teammates with charles again or the fact that Lando has a good car and would be near you throughout the race, battening you or not. On top of that, the only reason you're going through with the race (like you had a choice anyways) is max.

You'd subconsciously called Max after Fred Vasseur broke the news to you, making him the first person to know and the first person so far this half weekend to give you real tips and advice about the circuit, going as far as staying up with you the other night after inviting you to his room to practice on his sim.

"Well done, Y/N, that is P9. P9." You heard your race engineer beep in your ears as you crossed the finish line. "WO! Q3!" "Line up so far is: verstappen, leclerc, alonso, piastri, russel, perez, norris, tsunoda, you, stroll." "Tsunoda? I thought he P10? Did i not knock him out?" "No, that was—" "Oh my god, it's john wick." you gasped once realizing. "Who?" "I eliminated lewis, didn't i?" "Confirmed. Yes." "Oh my god."

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Hello, Y/N.” You smiled, giving a nod to return the greeting. “You’ve had an amazing debut thus far. How are you feeling?” You laughed, shrugging. “I woke up this morning thinking I’d be chillaxing back in the hospitality and drinking barbican while watching the red cars. Never expected that I’d be in one of the cars. But uh, we had a good qualifying. Q3 is good for the team and hopefully, we’ll have a good pace tomorrow.”

“It is a very remarkable debut,” “It is.” You agreed nodding, brushing your hair back. “I mean, I knew I’d be driving an F1 car at some point or another. I’m glad it was a night race. I’ll do my best to seize the moment and maximize the opportunity,” you quote, joking, making the interviewer laugh. “And we’ll see where tomorrow takes us.” “Very nice, Y/N.” “Thank you-” looked back, feeling someone put a hand on your shoulder.

Max could visibly see you relax upon realizing it was him. He found the smile that rose on your face too cute. “Q3, I taught her.” He joked, making you laugh. “Which position?” “P6.” Max made an impressed face nodding. “Hands off my teammate.” Charles shooed Max, pushing him away. You watched, trying to hold in your laugh.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“There was something in the air that night, the stars so bright, fernando.” You sang as you hugged the spaniard. “youre going to sing that every time you see me." He laughed, hugging you back and patting your back. “its tradition." You reminded him as the two of you pulled away. He ruffled your hair, cupping the back of your head. “P6?” He asked, smiling. You shrugged, smiling. “just stay behind me." “very funny, nando."

You waved him goodbye as bid a farewell, going to his car. You unlocked your phone as you walked the other way, scrolling through your contacts as you looked around, searching for a certain honda. You don’t remember the license plate so finding your ride back was difficult, especially since there were so many cars in a lot of colors and expensive models.

‘Where are you?’ You send the text message, looking around the parking lot. You were answered with a light flicker. Max’s car wasn’t too far, he’d turned his lights on and off as a signal for you. He wasn’t too far, so you made a jog for it, opening the car door and getting in the passenger seat, and placing your backpack between your feet. 

Max started the car, pulling out of the parking lot. Since you accidentally spent the night at his, and the two of you were already staying at the same hotel and you didn’t rent a car out for the weekend, Max figured: why not carpool? “Seat Belt.” the blond reminded you as the car neared the exit of the parking lot. You did catch what he said, distracted by looking out at the other driver’s who were finding their own cars.

“hm?” instead of repeating himself, max reached and buckled you up himself, smoothly merging into traffic, using blinkers and abiding the laws. You blushed, leaning your elbow on the door and watching him out of the corner of your eyes. It was a long day and you were tired. Still jet lagged, you made the mistake of waking up early to venture around unknowing that you'd be driving twice. And now that the main anxiety drilling events were over, the sleep and rest you needed was catching up to you.

Max lowered the music from the radio once he noticed your low energy and slow blinking. He'd been taking glances in your direction, keeping track of you slowly dozing off. When he parked the car at the hotel, you were totally asleep. It took max a few seconds of theorizing on what to do next before going into action.

He didn’t want to wake you up, so with two backpacks on, he managed to get you up on your feet so he could carry you. You were only half asleep when he gently and slowly opened the door, catching your elbow so you don't fall. with half opened eyes, you looked at him confused as he pulled your backpack on before unbuckling your seat.

You let him hold your hands and help you get out, before gently wrapping your arms around his neck and lifting you up into his chest. He kicked the door shut before carrying you away. You leaned your head on his shoulder falling back into slumberland. 

it was a shame you weren't awake to witness the journey up to his room. Max had somehow signaled a staff worker over, making him take out the wallet from his back pocket and unlock the entrance from the garage to the building, and once again to unlock the door to his room.

The truly memorable part was when Max set you on his bed. After taking your shoes off and covering you with the blanket, the dutch gently brushed your hair in a ponytail he found in your bag. When he tried to pull away, to get himself asleep on the couch, you'd held his hand in your sleep.

Max felt like he was frozen in place as if one of his cats fell asleep on him and he couldn't move so as to not wake them up. He knelt down on the floor, brushing his thumb against your cheek where you held his hand. You looked so peaceful and adorable that it took Max around 10 minutes of contemplation before slipping in bed with you where you welcomed him by hugging him and clinging onto him.

The smile and blush that covered his cheeks as he hugged and cuddled you back, stayed on his face through the night. The best sleep he's ever had.

★ ☆ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“The nostalgia,”  “It's like a copy paste.” the two commentators laughed. “Just look at her driving style as well, she's aggressive but not over the line, shouting" I'm here, I'm going to overtake, and you can’t do anything about it.” Their explanation was on point. You got straight to the point. You caught up, intimidated, saw a gap and went for it. P6 to P3 with a good chunk of the race left. Max and Charles were ahead by a few points and it took you a few laps to catch up. Staying behind the fellow ferrari, you stayed on his tail within a half second distance.

Once you took corner #27 and the DRS was applicable, You were past Charles and chasing Max in the red bull.

Post dive bombing max into turn one, and over taking him, you lead a difficult 4 laps where the dutch was breathing down your neck. You genuinely felt scared because he was in your mirrors the whole time, like playing tag with an adult and they laugh evilly which makes it feel real and you start screaming and actually running for your life.

Max did eventually take his P1 back and you stayed behind him. Unfortunately, under team orders, you had to switch with Charles and give him the P2 once he caught up. You looked up once someone came up from behind you, patting your back. “Rickey, when I catch you, rickey.” You laughed as you took your helmet off, watching Max go off for his post race interview. “Nice driving,” You turned, smiling at Charles and returning the fistbump. “Nice breaking.” you returned the compliment.

not two steps in the room and max had cupped his hand under your chin and pulled you in a for a kiss. You were defiantly suppressed, not getting the chance to at least find the light switch or put the trophy down somewhere. You kissed back eagerly, a small hum leaving your throat as the two of you made out.

Max must have been continuing where you left off in the morning with how hungry and eager he seemed. Since waking up tangled in each other, the moment led to a kiss and another and another. You never realised how attracted you were to max, how he made you feel.

Dropping your bag, you used your free hand tp tangle your fingers in the hair at his nape, letting him tilt your head with the grip he hand on your chin to deepen the kiss. "I've been waiting all day." he mumbled before leaning in for another kiss.

[mish-tique]

Rose here! 🥺🌹

I just got out of class and found a comfortable position to live-ask before the next class way later.

First off, YES THEY WERE MINE, and I'm really happy that you're going to keep the carlando one in your to-write (so thankful, so blessed). And thank you for the well wishes for class. Needed that because I did not know how I got to answer my prof's question in a clear and educated manner when my attention was fucked because I kept on thinking about day 3 lestappen.

SPOILERS below the rose line

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

I love love that this is in max's pov, I get to relate to him as he describes charles all sweaty (thank you singapore for the visuals) and bloodied with his gloved hands

"Charles, who’s wet from sweat due to the struggle the man had put up. It’s slowly dripping off his skin, mixing with the blood that’s clinging to him. Max already knows that his partner is going to bitch about it when they get home since it will be an ass to clean up." <- i emboldened home because even as heartless serial killers they refer to somewhere as home (not a hideout, not an hq, they have a home 🥺); also charlie's hot like HOT

"On any other day Max could have taken hours to admire the pretty painting they made together, but now the only thing that calls for his attention is his lover." <- strong hannibal vibes here I love it

I bet they make the prettiest crime scene when they do their kills together. i bet their victims thought, "oh these two are so beautiful they look like they belong in runways, in museums, they are pieces of art" but they're actually the art that will be opened up on display for the police to find later

Of course! Choking! of course he'd be into that. I mean, he's already horny for the glove covered hand. you're so predictable max. charles do have the perfect hands for that (i could watch him play piano in the morning then be choked later in the evening)

this is already so long and i'm not even halfway yet (sorry)

“My hand around your neck, leaving blood all over your skin while I press you against the wall?" <- fuck the visuals i'm getting I NEED A MINUTE

oh no poor lando. lando i'm sorry you have horny coworkers; i'm sure that they're not the worst scenes you've walked into tho in your line of work

i love how you included charles' reasoning for wearing gloves; makes the serial killer vibes more prominent, like he's got his processes and ticks and vanity

"Fingers that Max wishes are decorated by rings like they usually are, thick ones he longs to have on him, around him, in him." <- same maxy, me too

"Their plan had been to be swift and clean, but in the process leading up to it, the asshole had kept inappropriately touching him in a club."

"He never likes being hunted unless he’s Charles’ prey. And Charles definitely didn’t take having to share his prey kindly."

"So swift and clean turned into bloody torture like it was part of a mating ritual long lost to most human traditions. One Charles reminded and partook in especially for Max.

those last 3 bulleted quotes killed me

i just know that if they're ever caught, and if i were their lawyer, my grand defense would be "they're in love, your honor"

I volunteer as tribute in their next kill - fuck - if you haven't realized it yet from all these asks i gave you (i am lestappen whore, may it be them together or individually, with me or with each other)

Woah that's a long ass ask

Thank you so much for this!! I'm glad that I sent you that ask because if i was the one who tried to imagine/write it, I wouldn't have made it any justice. Honestly so good and hot and sexy and the writing of max's thoughts is just so god-tiered

more kudos and more roses for you!!

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

-Rose 🥺🌹

Please do not get distracted by my kinktober during classes, it will get you in trouble and I don't want that for you sweety 😭

we are all max at one point in our lives, admiring the shit out of charles.

max and Charles might be ruthless but they're also very much in love and ready to go at it at home

I've never watched hannibal but I'm happy to capture the vibes

and god yes!! we need a victim pov. memorized by two beautiful men, not realizing that he will be the main peace of their exhibition for the police and press

i love myself some prey/hunter mentions!! it's so hot for no reason

you as a lawyer would definitely keep them out of prison

No but i'm sure you would've done it justice?? the way alone you did the victim pov shows that! But thank you, sweetheart <33 Love to see you drop by

[alltoolewis]

December Schedule 🎄

Here is my schedule for this month!!! As you can see some of the days only have 1 thing for them, this is just so I can make room to either write Christmas blurb requests (which you can send in now) or for me to catch up on any if needed!!! I will be writing more, but this schedule is mainly just a request one!! When they are crossed out they have been posted & I am creating a little master list for all of them so keep an eye out for that!!

My requests are open!! so feel free to send in any festive ideas!!! Love you guysss!!! (BIG DELAY ON THE PROMPTS DUE TO UNEXPECTED VACATION!)

December 1st

“I thought you said you didn’t celebrate Christmas…” mason mount

Christmas stream Lando Norris (REQUEST)

December 2nd

“You’re wearing this sweater and you’ll like it.” max Verstappen

December 3rd

“Flour and sugar are a good look for you.” Trent Alexander Arnold

December 4th

“So, you’ve never been kissed under mistletoe?” “Actually, I’ve never been kissed at all.” Lando Norris

December 5th

“If you can’t get home for the holidays then I won’t go home either” Jadon Sancho

December 6th

“What do you mean we’re out of hot chocolate?” Pierre gasly

December 7th

"Oh my God, what did you do to that poor Christmas tree?" Trent Alexander Arnold

December 8th

“Have you ever wrapped a present before?” “…Why do you ask?” Max Fewtrell

December 9th

"Throw that snowball and I swear to god you’re sleeping on the couch!" Mason Mount

December 10th

“In my defence, ice-skating always looked romantic in movies.” Lewis Hamilton

December 11th

“I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve and I’m stuck in a snowstorm with you.” “There’s worse company.” “Doubtful.” Marcus Rashford

December 12th

“Come sit on Santa's lap.” “No, weirdo” George Russell

Exile (Taylor Swift) Jack Grealish (SONG REQUEST)

December 13th

“I can’t do another family Christmas alone…can you…will you come with me?” Ben Chilwell

Baby, it's cold outside Lewis hamilton

December 14th

“If you carry on this hall won’t be the only thing getting decked.” *Proceeds to hit person A with decorations* Daniel Riccardo

Carry you (Ruelle) Trent Alexander Arnold (SONG REQUEST)

December 15th

“Wait, reindeers are real animals?” Jadon Sancho

December 16th

“Ho-Ho-Hold on one minute there, Santa." Daniel Ricciardo

Diamonds (Talia Mar) Lando Norris (SONG REQUEST)

December 17th

“I didn’t have a star so I just-” “Put a photo card of [BLANK] instead" Trent Alexander-Arnold

December 18th

"Setting the Christmas tree on fire doesn't count as a way to get warm, ok?" Charles Leclerc

Still the one (Shania Twain) Daniel Ricciardo

December 19th

“Come decorate this gingerbread house with me!” ben Chilwell

December 20th

“Don’t tell me you ate the whole- YOU ATE THE WHOLE TIN OF COOKIES?!” Max Verstappen

Cowboy in LA (LANY) Marcus Rashford (SONG REQUEST)

December 21st

“Did you just pour Egg Nog on your Cheerios?” Charles Leclerc

December 22nd

“Please open the door. It’s cold out here.” Lando Norris

Motivation (Normani) Kylian Mbappe (SONG REQUEST)

December 23rd

“All I want for Christmas is you.” “Don’t quote Mariah Carey at me.” Jadon Sancho

December 24th

“Stay. You can’t spend Christmas Eve alone.” Trent Alexander-Arnold

Hopeless (Aine Deane) Lando Norris (SONG REQUEST)

December 25th

“So…do you still hate Christmas?” Lewis Hamilton

[luthienne]

Your blog's *chef's kiss* and I wish to ask do you have any quotes or what comes to mind when it comes to love mingled with grief/pain? Like losing someone at the stinging cost of the other? Or looking at a completed wonderful thing but knowing the pain and blood it stands on to be that way? Or when you look at someone realizing you now share hearts whether youd like it or not, that no bond in both your lives will ever come close to what both of you have(1)

how the love stiches both of you up, how achingly tender & vulnerable & warming it is and almost crying looking at where it is, how it is, what it became and what it grew from. Would love to hear if you got any that pops to your mind❤(2)

you are so kind! thank you, angel ♡ here and here are posts that reflect love mingled w grief/pain and tender/sweet love. here are a few more quotes that sort of encompass both for me:

“Not a day passes that I do not see ourselves, you and me, as we were when we met first. Every day of my life I see that.”

James Joyce, Exiles: A Play In Three Acts

“We can never go back. I know that now. We can go forward. We can find the love our hearts long for, but not until we let go grief about the love we lost long ago, when we were little and had no voice to speak the heart’s longing. All the years of my life I thought I was searching for love I found, retrospectively, to be years where I was simply trying to recover what had been lost, to return to the first home, to get back the rapture of first love. I was not really ready to love or be loved in the present. I was still mourning — clinging to the broken heart of girlhood, to broken connections. When that mourning ceased I was able to love again. I awakened from my trance state and was stunned to find the world I was living in, the world of the present, was no longer a world open to love. And I noticed that all around me I heard testimony that lovelessness had become the order of the day. I feel our nation’s turning away from love as intensely as I felt love’s abandonment in my girlhood. Turning away we risk moving into a wilderness of spirit so intense we may never find our way home again. I write of love to bear witness both to the danger in this movement, and to call for a return to love. Redeemed and restored, love returns us to the promise of everlasting life. When we love we can let our hearts speak.”

Bell Hooks, All About Love

“My heart is full not of guilt, or shame, or remorse, but of grief… Everything has become too terribly mixed up.”

Boris Pasternak, in a letter to Leonid Pasternak, from Letters Summer 1926: Pasternak, Tsvetaeva, Rilke

Jamie Anderson // Art piece by Ikenaga Yasunari (x)

“But if it’s love, by God, what is this thing? If good, why then the bitter mortal sting?”

Petrarch, from the ‘Canzoniere’ (tr. Mark Musa)

“bittersweet, undefeated creature – against you there is no defence”

Sappho, from Poems and Fragments (tr. Josephine Palmer)

“And if I should pick out the good in you – each shard of broken light, like glass from the wreck of such beauty, and look at that – or one golden afternoon when you hovered above me in rapture, oh half god – how would I bear to lift my hands, how would I bear to close my eyes and let you fall, and love be damned?”

Cecilia Woloch, “Lucifer, Full of Light,” Carpathia

Ada Limón, Bright Dead Things; “The Good Fight”

“...and if I cut myself, it was you I bled.”

Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

“I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds– but I think of you always in those intervals.”

Salvador Plascencia, The People of Paper

Henry Dumas, Knees of a Natural Man; “Valentines”

“No te nombro; pero estás en mí como la música en la garganta del ruiseñor aunque no esté cantando.

I never call your name, but you are in me like the song in the nightingale’s throat even when it’s not singing.”

Dulce María Loynaz, Absolute Solitude: Selected Poems; “Poema LVII” (tr. James O’Connor)

Marguerite Duras - India Song (1975)

“I am sad because I love you, because I love you so much, and because I am not a bee to buzz with you lightly. I am not a flower, not a tree, not a rain-hewn stone. I am not a storm or a cresting wave, not a thorn or a vine. I am not the sun stinging the water, not the moon on the snow. I am not a star in the dark. I am not the dew-wet wind, not the cloud-stained dawn. I am only a girl, a small, plain girl, a girl who must smear her lips in honey to be found sweet.”

Amal El-Mohtar, The Honey Month

“Whether it was the quality of light or the clarity of my feelings for you, I don’t know, but there was softness and no blurring. ‘This is not a lie,’ I said to myself. ‘It may not hold, but it is true.’”

Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping

“He takes her in his arms. He wants to say I love you, nothing can hurt you but he thinks this is a lie, so he says in the end you're dead, nothing can hurt you which seems to him a more promising beginning, more true.”

Louise Glück, from Averno; "A Myth of Devotion"

Anna Akhmatova, Final Meeting: Selected Poetry (tr. Andrey Kneller)

“Your dying is my dying. / In you I exist—to live or not.”

Euripedes, from Alkestis (tr. Anne Carson)

Richard Siken, “Scheherazade” 

“First love tempts / then puts out our eyes.”

Salma al-Khadra al-Jayyusi, from ‘Dearest love - III’ (ed. Charles Doria), Women of the Fertile Crescent: An Anthology of Modern Poetry by Arab Women (ed. Kamal Boullata)

Interactive :: House Saints by Hala Alyan

“We were the heartbreak of truth. / We were willing to break even more.”

Andrea Gibson, from The Madness Vase; “Close For Comfort”

“God, what are you doing to me? / What am I doing to myself?”

Adonis, from ‘Concerto for the Veiled Christ’, Selected Poems (tr. Khaled Mattawa)

“No. I was not afraid of him; but of myself. I seemed reborn in his unreflective eyes, reborn in unfamiliar shapes. I hardly recognized myself from his descriptions of me and yet, and yet – might there not be a grain of beastly truth in them?”

Angela Carter, from “The Bloody Chamber”

“It is true we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another.”

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus

Keaton Henson, “Alright”

Velimir Khlebnikov, The Collected Poems & Writings of V. K. “My Darling,”

“But love is impossible and it goes on / despite the impossible. You’re the muscle / I cut from the bone and still the bone / remembers, still it wants (so much, it wants) / the flesh back, the real thing, / if only to rail against it, if only / to argue and fight, if only to miss / a solve-able absence.”

Ada Limón, Bright Dead Things; “In A Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me”

The Letters of Frida Kahlo: Cartas Apasionadas, tr. by Martha Zamora

Letter to Diego Rivera, July 23rd, 1935

“I want to give you everything. This is called a sickness.”

Camille Rankine, from Possession

Rainer Maria Rilke, Book of Hours: Love Poems to God; ‘Lösch mir die Augen aus: ich kann dich sehen’, tr. Anita Barrows & Joanna Macy

“Love that incorporates, that devours the other person, that cuts the tendons of the will. Love as immolation of the self.”

Susan Sontag, from Reborn: “July, 1958”

[iloveallmyocs]

the Dawn of a friendship

Ariadne didn’t know how long she had been waiting in the games room, hoping Anna would show up as was Anna’s routine in grand parties like the one of the one they were having.

Eventually, Ariadne got herself to step out of the games room and picked up the courage to scout for Anna herself. She needed to tell Anna that she had heard what Anna had said to her at the infirmary.

James Herondale’s and Cordelia Carstairs’ engagement party was one of the most luxurious parties Ariadne had attended, consisting of numerous respected members of the enclave, but it wasn’t hard to spot Anna among the crowd.

Anna was always easy to spot, the aura around her just commanded people to pay attention. It had always caught Ariadne’s attention.

But then, at that moment, what caught Ariadne’s attention was not Anna Lightwood. What caught her attention was the sight of a boy, looking around the same age as Ariadne was, storming out of the ballroom looking distraught.

Even though she didn’t know the boy at all, Ariadne felt a surge of protectiveness overpower her. The boy was heading away from a group of teenage boys. Ariadne was able to recognise the group of boys. Everybody knew the group, it consisted of the children of the most popular shadowhunters of the previous generation.

Matthew Fairchild, who looked positively furious, was part of the group. He was the Counsul’s son and so Ariadne had been acquainted with him. He was fair company, but  promiscuously quoted Oscar Wilde every five minutes or so.

As if by instinct, Ariadne found herself sprinting after the boy, only to have her path blocked by-

“Anna?” she panted, peering outside the door to catch a glimpse of the boy.

“Ari, you look healthy-” Anna began, her cool and unworried tone clashing against the mood Ariadne was in. Ariadne could no longer able to see the boy.

“Anna, please do excuse me for being impolite, but I have an important matter to attend to” said Ariadne apologetically, pushing past Anna even before she had the time to respond.

Ariadne, on any other day, would have shuddered at the thought of dismissing Anna for going after some boy she didn’t know anything about.

But there was something about the boy. No, Ariadne was not in love with him, she didn’t even know him properly. In fact, she would never love any boy, she was certain of it. No matter how many times she had been warned of the dangers of being the way she was, she was certain that no matter how hard she tried, she would never fall in love with a boy.

“Stop”, Ariadne called out when the boy was finally in her line of vision.

The boy whipped his head back to look at the source of the voice. His face wore an alarmed expression and upon closer inspection, Ariadne could see tears spilling out of his eyes.

“I’ll be with you in a moment” announced the boy, before facing the other direction and furiously wiping off his tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked Ariadne when he was done and turned towards her once more.

“Miss Bridgestock, everything is alright, just don’t mind me and return to your party. why did you come after me?”

“I just wanted to make sure everything was fine” shrugged Ariadne “It’s not at every party that Thomas Lightwood is the cause of a grown man’s tears”

The boy scoffed and later held out his hand, preparing to leave “I’m Alastair Carstairs, it was nice to-”

“Carstairs?” Ariadne interrupted .“I don’t think you should be going anywhere now, are you related to the would be bride?”

“I’m her brother” revealed Alastair, which resulted in Ariadne arching her eyebrows up in a display of disappointment.

Taking notice of Ariadne’s expression, Alastair folded his hands and struck his chin out. “Yes, I know should be in there, but just want one day to myself. Is that too much to ask? Also, stop being so judgmental, you barely know who I am or what I’ve been through”

“Then tell me about it” said Ariadne, gently nudging Alastair with her elbow.

Alastair looked perplexed. “Good lord, you’re impossible to dislike” he remarked, looking up to the sky in exasperation.

Ariadne’s eyebrows went up again. “Why would you ‘dislike’ me?” she asked, her voice full of curiosity. What would a boy whom she had never met before have against her?

“I just said that I didn’t” muttered Alastair “well, for a time I did, because of Charles”

“Charles Fairchild? The one ‘Charles’ I was engaged to?”. Ariadne had gotten somewhat of an idea of where the conversation was going, but wasn’t very confident about it and let Alastair explain it himself. Also, they were in England and in England there were as as many Charles’ as there were mice.

“Yes. Him” confirmed Alastair “I presume you already know that he likes men, don’t you? I was told that you know”

Ariadne nodded. “I know. that is why I agreed to the engagement in the first place”

“Well, the thing is, Charles and I were together at the time of your engagement” Alastair confessed, “I just broke things off with him”

“Is that why you’re upset?” asked Ariadne.

“No. I actually feel like a load has been lifted off chest, actually” said Alastair, smiling sadly. “Why I left early is because I tried to make amends with a few boys who went to the academy with me and it didn’t go well”

“What went wrong in the academy?” Ariadne inquired, feeling as though she might explode if she didn’t receive all the answers to her questions.

“You ask a lot of questions” laughed Alastair, his mind distant.

Ariadne patiently waited for him to answer.

Alastair gulped, not sure if he was making the right choice by spilling out all of his problems to his previous lover’s previous fiancée.

“I wasn’t treated right, when I first joined the academy. Well, you should know how it is” said Alastair, gesturing to Ariadne.

Of course Ariadne knew how it was. Both her overprotective parents had tried to protect her from the harsh realities of living in London while looking the way she did. And yet, she knew. 

She knew it from the way the guests arriving in her house looking for inquisitor Bridgestock always looked down upon her. Some even assumed that she was bought for money by the Bridgestocks, not as a daughter but as something else.

That was what people normally assumed of you when you were from a country that was colonised by the country you are presently residing in. 

“I more than ‘know’ how it is” retuned Ariadne.

For a moment they stood in silence, neither knowing what to say. Alastair finally broke it by asking “How do you bear it? I sometimes feel like screaming until nothing comes out, but I have my mother and Layla who are like me but you-”

“-am adopted” finished Ariadne “It does get frustrating. My parents want me to forget that I am an Indian and once had another name. they want me to forget about my birth parents, their-” Ariadne broke off bursting into tears.

“Oh god, this was supposed to be about you” sniffed Ariadne as Alastair wrapped his coat around her.

“Why don’t we go to your house and talk about it over a warm cup of tea, which  probably was imported from India, Miss Bridgestock?” he asked in a desperate attempt to cheer Ariadne up.

“Alright” Ariadne laughed, then with a solemn face face, added “call me Kamala, it is my birth name”

*********************************************************************************

An AU (idk if it should be classified as an AU) instead of Lucie, Kamala chases after Alastair at the end of ChoG. I probably should have written this before Choi came out and its tag was flooded with HCs about Alastair’s and Kamala’s friendship.

@cant-think-of-anything let me know what you think (I don’t have anyone else to tag lol)

[slashingdisneypasta]

Creepypasta’s As: Quotes On My Laptop And Phone

Right so this has been stewing in my drafts for forever and it was just supposed to be something quick and fun but turned out be harder then I thought so not all the characters are here but I got most of them! Don’t really know who the audience for this apart from me but ah... ?enjoy? 

BEN Drowned: You don’t get to die and be reborn the same. You come back, but you come back wrong. This is the price you pay for resurrection. – Nathanial Orion G. K

Bloody Painter / Helen Otis: I hope that someday when I’m gone, someone, somewhere, picks my soul up off these pages and thinks: I would have loved her him. – Nicole Lyons

Candy Cane: Come away, O human child To the waters and the wood with a fairy, hand in hand. For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand. – Willian Butler Yeats

Candy Pop: Turn on you before you turn on us. We’re all just savages. – Theory of a Deadman, Savages

Candy Cane and Candy Pop: Forgive, sounds good. Forget? … I’m not sure I could. – Dixie Chicks, Not Ready To Make Nice

Clockwork / Natalie Ouellette: This woman that I’m becoming gives me chills. I’m obligated to move differently. I have work to do. – ???

Eyeless Jack: You don’t get to die and be reborn the same. You come back, but you come back wrong. This is the price you pay for resurrection. – Nathaniel G. K

Hobo Heart: I’m not used to being loved; I wouldn’t know what to do. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Homicidal Liu / Sully: If I told you how it all ended; Would you have done it? – ???

·         Extra for Liu: The seas were getting rough, but I thought we were worth it. – Hunter Hayes, You Think You Know Somebody

·         Extra for Liu and Silly: I am not a bad man… Even though I do bad things. Very bad things. Such horrible things… But it's not quite what it seems. (Not quite what he seems) Not quite what I seem… … … Aw, hell. It's exactly what it seems. – Creature Feature, Such horrible Things

Hoodie / Brian: Remember that I am still a monster. I can listen to you scream, and cry, and beg, and I still wont le you out. – Holly Black, The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

Jane the Killer / Jane Richardson: She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr, if they killed her quick. – Flannery O’ Connor, A Temple of the Holy Ghost

Jason the Toymaker: [Said to him] You’re a tragedy! She was leaving you, Pan. Your Wendy is leaving you. Why should she stay? You are incomplete. She’d rather grow up then stay with you. – Captain Hook, Peter Pan 2003

Jeff the Killer / Jeffry Woods: [Liu, on Jeff] Once you lose someone, it is never exactly the same person who comes back. – Sharon Olds, Satan Says

·         Extra for Jeff: Do you know what happens when you light a fire in you? It burns everything that’s standing in the way. – ???

·         Extra for Jeff and Liu: And if the black banners raise as the crooked smiles fade; Fallen heroes who quite too late. – Fall Out Boy, The Kid’s Aren’t Alright

Laughing Jack: Forever is a long, long time… And time has a way of changing things. – Willow Tweed, The Fox and the Hound

·         Extra for L.J: This is how the world works; You gotta leave before you get left. – Taylor Swift, I Did Something Bad

·         Extra for L.J #2: All this has happened before. And it will all happen, again… - J. M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Laughing Jill: [L.Jill, to Mary’s father] You didn’t realise that in breaking my heart you were strengthening my soul. You didn’t realise but I did. And it changed the whole goddamn game once and for all. – Niharika Bhatt

Masky / Tim: I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too. – Heather Davis

Nathan the Nobody / Nathan Lux: Just because she’s gone, doesn’t mean she’s gone in your heart. Because the worst thing ever is to forget. – Christina, Allegiant

Nina the Killer / Nina Hopkins: When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it. – Caitlyn Siehl

·         Extra for Nina: Maybe our favourite quotations say more about us than about the stories and the people we’re quoting. – John Green

Offenderman: [Said to him] There isn’t a decent thought in your nasty little mind! – ???

·         Extra for Offender: [‘Him’ instead of ‘Witch’] When you visit a witch, bring an offering: Food, tobacco, alcohol, secrets, sex, or death. – Honest Louis

Sally Williams: Real monsters are human. – ???

·         Extra for Sally: I’m sorry this world could not keep you safe. May your journey home be a soft, and peaceful one. – Rupi Kuar

Slenderman: Heroes are always remembered. But legends never die. – Babe Ruth

·         Extra for Slender: Do not believe anything except the whispers of the trees. They have never lied to you. They won’t start now. – ??? Maybe Nikita Gil?

·         Extra #2 for Slender: The fuckers. There, I feel better. Goddamned Human race. There, I feel better. – Charles Bukowski

·         Extra #3 for Slender: Forests hide secrets - he said gently, - It’s practically what they’re for. To hide things. To separate one world from another. – Catherynne M. Valente

Splenderman: I believe this world ain’t half as bad as it looks, I believe most people are good. – Luke Bryan, Most People Are Good

·         Extra for Splender: A little consideration, I little thought for others, makes all the difference. – Eeyore

Ticci Toby / Toby Erin Rogers: I make no apologies, for how I choose to repair, what you broke. – Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Trenderman: My whole being calls for an act of violence, but I still wear velvet gloves. – Anaïs Nin

Zalgo: Funny. Cause I look around at this world you’re so eager to be a part of and all I see is six billion lunatics looking for fastest ride out. Who’s not crazy? Look around. Everyone’s drinking, smoking, shooting up, or just plain screwing their brains out, cuz they don’t want ‘em anymore. I’m crazy? Honey, I’m the original one-eyed chicken in the kingdom of the blind; Cuz at least I admit the world makes me nuts. – Glory, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

·         Extra for Zalgo: God’s busy. Can I help you? – Pinhead, Hellraiser

[wordynerdygurl]

The Guy

Author’s Note:  Hello my lovelies!  I have to say, I love writing requests and taking part in Challenges.  It helps me sharpen my skills!  But, with the insane way the world is right now, I offered to participate in one... then lost the details.  So, with my sincere appreciation for @lancsnerd​ ,who kindly sent me a reminder about my missing “assignment”, I present the following! Summary/ Prompt:  A quote of “He’s the guy” and my boy, Loki Pairing:  Female Reader x Loki Warnings:  Swearing, Implied Smut, Fluff, Soft Loki

“Are you gonna tell me what I want to know?  Or… do we have to do this the hard way?”  Gravel filled and low, the Winter Soldier had you pinned against the rough brick wall, his metal arm holding your wrists together.

“Ooph!  Bucky!  Get off!”  “Make me, princess!”  

Kicking your legs free, you swung around Bucky, locking him in a bear hug from behind.  Squeezing him with your thighs, your forearms wrapped around his strong neck, “Tap out, Buck!” Wheezing, staggering back, Bucky tried spinning you around but even his metal arm was unable to grab you, “Never!” Applying more pressure to his windpipe, you grunted, “Give me the win!” “No way”, you felt his hard hand grip your thigh, breaking your hold.  Suddenly you were untethered, above your feet was the ceiling of the gym, and then there was no breath in your lungs.  Bucky had managed to flip you over and slam you down onto the waiting mat with reverberating force.  Gasping loudly, you curved up to meet Bucky’s waiting hand, “You alright, doll?”

Shaking your head, sitting up, “That was a dirty trick, Barnes.  I had you and you know it.” “Yea… but you still haven’t answered my question, so I couldn’t let you win.”  Pulling you to your feet easily, Bucky threw his arms around you, his warm hug an easy way to make sure there would be no lasting damage from your sparring session. “Why do you want to know so bad?”  Lowering yourself to the workout bench, forearms resting on your knees, you kept a close watch on your sparring partner. Tossing you a towel, Bucky grabbed both of your water bottles, sitting down on the mat in front of you.  Wiping the sweat away from your forehead, slugging down the cool water, you kicked at the super soldier sitting criss cross applesauce.  Leaning back, resting his weight on his arms stretched behind him, “Because...  I worry about you.  I want to make sure you’re safe… and I want to believe this guy is good enough for you.” Considering his words, you snapped your bottle shut, nodding, “I get it, Bucky.  I really do.  I’m just… not ready to talk about it.” Sensing your hesitation, Bucky patted your knee, “Just know that I’m here when you are ready.  And if he fucks up, I’ll kill him.” Laughing, you stood up with a groan, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind!” At dinner that night, Steve knocked into your shoulder, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey Stevie!  How are you?” “It’s spaghetti night, what more does a guy need?”  It was an easy exchange, making you chuckle as he loaded a plate high with pasta and sauce before settling himself into the chair next to you. Unfolding a napkin to lay over his trousers, “Bucky told me you’ve met someone?” Flicking your eyes to the Winter Soldier, who all of the sudden was very interested in something Tony was saying, you munched on your garlic bread.  Swallowing thickly and patting your mouth clean, you turned to Steve, “Oh, he did huh?” “Yes… but he says you won’t give up this guy’s name?”  Concern was present on your friend’s face.  While you appreciated Steve's sentiment, it wasn't necessary, not entirely.  You knew what you were doing and you didn't want to be talked out of it, even by your well intentioned friends.

"I don't know why everyone cares so much.  He's a guy… I'm a girl… it's traditional and boring."

Swirling a fork through his saucy plate, lifting those dutiful blue eyes to yours, "So why the secrecy?"

Chewing, thoughtful, you considered Steve's question.  It was valid.  You were quick to acknowledge that, answering, "Um… because we're still in that love bubble.  Ya know?"

Chiming in, Bucky curious now, "Love bubble?  I don't know what that is… what does that mean?  Love bubble?"

"It's that time in a new relationship when… um… it's like…" words failing, you desperately tried to give structure to your argument.

Interrupted by Loki, sulking at the end of the long table, "She doesn't want to share her paramore.  Greedily, she wants to keep the pair in a love bubble.  Separate and safe from any interference.  Unpopped, if you will."

"Is that true? You don't want us to bug you?"  Bucky's eyes widened at the thought.

Shrugging, you dug around for another meatball, "Kinda… Look, it's not that I don't love you, Buck.  Or that I don't trust you, Steve.  It's just… all of you can be a lot to deal with.  And-" looking at the faces of each of your Avenger friends, "-my… guy… I really, really like him.  I don't want to scare him away."

Admitting it out loud, that was taking a lot of your courage but you were being completely honest.  This guy, he was just about perfect and you didn't want to blow that by bringing him around your overprotective people so soon.  Natasha, the group's mama bear, smiled.  "Seems reasonable to me.  Give her some time, fellas… if he's half as great as she says, we'll like him well enough."

Steve, smiling a little in your direction, "I don't know who he is… but it seems like he makes you happy!"

Bucky, over protective, kept hounding you, "When will I get to meet him?"

"Soon, Buck.  I promise." 

"I wonder who it is… this man you care about so much that you're protecting him from us, your dearest friends!"  It was Loki, musing from afar that made the observation, his sharp eyes on you.

"I told you-" It was Tony’s turn to interrupt, loudly calling, “FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” “Start a pool.  Five dollar buy in, guesses on who this guy is… whoever has the winning answer gets the kitty!” “Tony!  Not cool!  And, not necessary!  You guys don’t really need to do this!”  But your protests went unheard as chatter erupted and a round of bills were flung on the table. Steve, murmuring to Bucky across the table, “What was that guy at the coffee shop?  Cameron?  Carson?” Snapping his fingers, Bucky answered, “Carlton!”

“He’s my guess, Tony.”  “Shit, Steve.  That’s not fair… but, ok.  Ok, my guess is Matt.  That guy from the pizza place who kept bringing extra chicken fingers for you!  You’d never admit to a date with him!”  Bucky, smug and pleased, sat back content with his detective work.

“Natasha?  Thoughts?”  Tony was typing away, his interface with FRIDAY recording all the back and forth, compiling the list of possible boyfriend candidates. Tapping her lip, Nat watched you, “Hmm… Is it Warren?  The kid from China Star who rode the Kawasaki and always wanted to take you for a ride?”

Clint leaned over you, grabbing a breadstick as he threw down a ten, “I want to put Charles, from the IT department on the list… and Juan, the recycling rep.  Both of those guys follow you around like puppies and I could see you taking pity on at least one of them!” “Nope.  No way!  She went out with Charles once already.  He was the guy who ate her french fries at dinner.  Big No-No!”  “Rhodes, how do you remember that shit?  Fine, not Charles then.  What about Frankie?  The dude from the diner?”  Clint asked the assembled team, looking for someone to back him up.

Mortified, hiding behind your hands, you grimaced.  The list, it kept growing, and you could feel icy eyes of judgement lighting you up from across the room.  You knew you’d have to answer questions later.

Jane, having joined Thor at the table, was getting caught up on your situation.  Conspiring with her Norse God of a boyfriend, she chuckled, slapping a bill on the table with the announcement, “Our money is on Loki.”

Silence overtook the room.  Everybody stared at the small, brunette scientist, evaluating if her suggestion was real or a joke.  A guffaw broke out of you and quickly gathered steam, propelling you directly into a hiccup filled giggle fit.  In a flash everyone joined in, the idea of you and Loki being together was at once so hilarious and unbelievable. It was also diverting enough that the talk of your love life died completely.  Grateful and satisfied, you finished dinner without any other questions, even offering to do the dishes.  While you were scraping remnants into the compost bucket, you felt the room’s temperature drop, noticing that Loki had slid into the room, "Love bubble is it?"

Dropping the plates into the sink, plunging your hands into the soapy water, his strong ones glide over your shoulders, "Yes.  I'm really enjoying our little bubble of love."

“Me too.”  Pressing a small kiss to the curve of your neck, Loki pulled your body close, hugging you tightly from behind.  As Loki was nearly a foot taller than you, it was nothing to tip your head up, his welcome mouth finding yours for a soft kiss.  Curving your back, your bottom rubbed against his pelvis, his desire already rising. “Although, they had a lot of suggestions, my innocent little kitten.  Should I be worried?” Shaking your head, “No.  None of those… meatballs compare with you, Loki.” “Good.  That makes me glad… and I’m pleased to know how coveted you are, my pet.”  Roving hands took the liberty of sliding under the hem of your shirt, fingertips just grazing over your bra covered breasts.

Sighing into Loki’s loving touch, “Not that you were much help!"

"What can I say?  I like seeing you squirm"  his lethal voice purred, warm against your ear.

Pirouetting in his arms, your damp hand brushing back a strand of dark curls, "Jane almost gave us away.” A small smile, almost sad, pulled down Loki’s lips, “Is the idea of you loving me so hilarious?”

“Not to me.”

His head dipped, lowering those pink lips to your own, almost colliding… when laughter, drawing near, broke your moment of connection. Effectively ending your private chat, Thor stomped confidently into the room unaware of the way Loki jumped back as if scalded, or the way your hands trembled at the possibility of discovery.  “Brother!  I need to speak with you!” Flicking his desire filled eyes to yours, Loki smirked, “Of course… to what do I owe the honor?” “I have asked Jane to be my bride!” “Brother!  It’s about time Jane made an honest man out of you!”  Loki, more than a little surprised but genuinely pleased for his sibling, hugged Thor close.  “YAY!  That’s so exciting!  Have you guys picked a date yet?”  Wiping your hands dry, leaning against the sink, you were happy to hear all of Thor's big news. Shaking his blonde head excitedly, “We shall be wed in three months time… and I was hoping that Loki would play for our special day?” 

Loki, blushing a deep rosy pink, “Thor… It’s been years.” 

“So?  What of that, God of Mischief?  You always find a way”, wagging a finger at his dark hued brother, Thor’s teasing grin was sweet. Piling on excuses, trying to gently defer his brother’s marital request, Loki added, “I don’t think I have a suitable instrument.”

That was enough for your mouth to hang open, “Wait… you want Loki to perform?  Like play music?  At your wedding?”  “Of course!  He’s the best chamber musician in Asgard.  Possibly the entire Nine Realms.”  Pride filled Thor’s words at Loki’s accomplishments, something you found impossibly charming, even if you couldn’t quite believe what he said was true.  

“Thor, really… I don't think-" Clapping a broad hand onto his younger brother's shoulder, Thor’s tone changed, “Music from home, Loki. It would mean so much, especially since… Mother and Father-”  

Loki held up a hand, stopping Thor from going further into emotional sincerity, unable to bear the rawness in his brother’s words.  Closing his eyes, agreeing, “Fine.  Ok, I’ll… I’ll do it!’  Loki could sense your watchful eyes on him, curious and questioning, as he gave into his older brother.    

With his easy smile spreading, Thor’s joy pushed the cloud of sadness away, “Our special day will be filled with music!  And flowers!  Jane has a whole… Pinterest board?  I don’t know what that is but she’s filled it with ideas-” spinning around to grab you off your feet, Thor continued, “And you’ll be invited too!  All of the team must come, not just my wayward brother!” Getting swept up in Thor’s passionate excitement, you laughed, offering up more congratulations and promises of attending.  As your toes touched the floor, Thor pulled Loki away, “Jane says you will take Darcy as a date for the ceremony.” Tilting his head, Loki shrugged shyly, speaking loud enough for you to hear, “Uh… actually, I already have a date.” Gripping Loki in a rib smashing hug, Thor squeezed his little brother tightly, “That is marvelous news!  Jane will be so pleased!  So, who’s the lucky girl?” Smiling, you watched them go, happy to see the pair so connected.  You didn’t need to hear Loki’s answer.  You knew who he’d be taking to Thor’s wedding.

That night, as you were toweling dry your cropped hair, a pop of green light signaled the arrival of your secret boyfriend.  He was positively electric, grabbing you by the terry robe covered hips, and kissing you swiftly.  Loki's hands rubbed over the soft fabric on your back until they cradled your smiling face, "Hmm… you smell so clean that it makes me think dirty thoughts."

Giggling, you rose up on your toes, curling your hands into his tangle of dark hair.  You bent his waiting mouth to your own, savoring the sensation of shared breath, as your tongue flicked over Loki's lips, “Dirtier than that?” Nodding, his heated look hungry, “Oh yes.” "How dirty are we talking?", you teased, resting your cheek against Loki's chest.  His rich laugh, rumbling through his core, joined your own.  Pressing his forehead to yours, Loki sighed sweetly, "I missed you…"

"I just saw you at dinner!"

"But it's been too long.  I… I need more."

Turning to hang up your towel, over your shoulder, "More what, my prince?"

"More of you."  Having gained on you while your back was turned, Loki was behind you now, wrapping his long arms around your waist.

Squealing, delighted, "LOKI!  Someone will hear!"

Dropping you quickly on the mattress, Loki shimmied up beside you, toying with the open collar on your robe, "So?"

"So… they'll find you here."

Thoughtfully, Loki’s proud look captured your own, "Maybe I don't care.  Not anymore… Maybe I don't want to keep you and me… us, a secret."

Swallowing hard, your gaze trapped by Loki's earnest expression, "Really?  You're ready to pop the love bubble?"

His fingertips brushed over the thin skin between your breasts, "Yes?  I… I think so.  Are you?"

Biting on your bottom lip, scrutinizing his handsome face, "Loki, I…"

Freezing, his hand stalled, and Loki sat back on his heels.  Looking out your window, shoulders slumping in resignation, "You don't want to tell anyone.  You are ashamed to be with me."

Swiftly sitting up, cupping his face with your hands, crooning, "No, no, no, no, no, no!"

Shrugging away from your touch, "You don't care for me, not like you claim to, if you won't declare your feelings for all to hear."

"Loki!  That's not it at all."  

Letting you tug him closer, Loki's tear filled eyes still refused to meet your own, "Loki… I… I love you.  And… I just don't want to share you.  Not yet, anyway.  That is-" putting your arms around his neck until you were nose to nose with the red-rimmed eyes of an emotional Odinson, "-my only reason for keeping our romance quiet."

Whispering, Loki was too shocked to shake you off, "You… love me?"  His voice wavered, as if the idea of being loved by you had never been a real possibility, as if something impossible was occurring right here and now.

On your knees, sighing, you started pressing tiny kisses along those sharp as knives cheekbones, "Yes.  I am crazy in love with you, Loki Odinson."

Loki had held you tightly before; in the night when terrific dreams haunted his sleep, in the night when he claimed your body for his own.  But this embrace, after telling the dark Prince the truth in your heart, had no equal.  

Still taller than you, even though you were both kneeling, Loki's right arm wove around your waist forcing your hips flush with his own.  His left supported your back, his hand cradling the nape of your neck, helping him kiss you soundly.  It was conquering.  

You were his.  Body and soul.  What's more?  He was yours.

Coming up for air, panting from the work of loving you, "My dove, my dearest one… I love you too."

Shucking your robe was easy and Loki savored the lavender soap scented skin he exposed.  If a spot of you wasn’t kissed, it was licked. If not licked, nipped.  If not nipped, it was caressed.  And Loki was very thorough. When you mewled, weak from forced pleasure, “Loki… please.  Make love to me.” he was eager to comply. “Look at me, darling girl.”  Puffing out your pleasure filled breath, skin dewy with perspiration, you met Loki’s eyes with your own.  Resting his hand over your heart, he lifted your own, letting you feel the pattern of his pulse.  “It beats for you and for you alone.” In the afterglow, laying in Loki’s arms, you stifled another giggle.  Groggy from exertion, Loki opened one eye, “What’s so funny?” “You never told me you play a musical instrument.” “You never asked.”

“Are you any good?”

“You’ll find out when you accompany me to Thor’s wedding.” --- With his heavy cello, Loki took a seat on the edge of the dance floor, taking just a moment to get settled.  A beautifully strange combination of concentration and relaxation mingled over the features you loved so dearly.  Fiddling with strings, taking a moment to tune the instrument, you admired his long, talented fingers as they took their place on the frets. The din of conversation was silenced when the first low note of Loki’s song echoed through the ballroom.  Everyone paused, entranced at the melody weaving its way through the throng of well wishers.  Many were surprised, but not you, not entirely. You knew how long Loki had been preparing for this moment.  It wasn’t all about making Thor’s day special, although, that was surely part of it.  No, he planned to seduce every single person with sound.  Giving all of the attendees a taste of what being loved by Loki was like, he hoped The Avengers would see that he was worthy of you in all ways. Mesmerized, the bow danced over the strings, each note perfectly played.  It wasn’t hard to picture those shapely digits dancing over your skin in the dark of night.  Sending a shiver up your back, you sipped at your champagne, unwilling to take your eyes off of Loki. “I didn’t know he was so talented.”  Bucky, stiff in his tuxedo, sidled up to you with Steve in tow. “Me either.  Look at those fingers fly!” “Guys… hush.”  Shooting a silencing glare their way, you let the music transport you, swaying just a bit at the soothing sound. Too soon, in your opinion, the last lingering note of Loki’s song filled the hall.  Rising swiftly, Loki bowed at the applause, then turned to the happy couple.  Thor hugged his brother close, while Loki kissed Jane’s hand with a gentlemanly air.  Conversations started again, quiet at first, then gaining strength as Loki strode across the room.  Snagging a glass of champagne from a passing tray, his eyes trained on you, Loki accepted accolades as he moved ever closer.  Another server took his empty glass as Loki finally made his way to you.

Scooping you up, Loki spun you slowly in a circle, your gown snapping behind you in an emerald wave of chiffon and lace.  “Loki!  Come on, put me down!” “As my lady commands”, when your mouth passed close enough to his own, Loki kissed you as if you had never kissed before.  You pushed your hands through his dark locks, a hand on each side of his face, “You were amazing, babe.  Just amazing!”

“You really think so?” “Absolutely!”  His arm settled on your waist, keeping you tight to his side, as you were handed another glass of bubbly.

Bucky, leaning against Steve, wore a look of wide eyed shock, “Um.  Loki… what the fuck are you doing?"

"Agent Barnes, do I really need to explain?"

Mouth dropping open, Bucky gaped, "He’s the guy?  Really?  You’re telling me Loki is the guy?” “She’s not telling us, Buck… she’s showing us.”

“But Stevie…?  Loki?  You?  You’re the guy who makes her happy?  The one who she’s been covering for?” Pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead, just a touch guilty, “I am.  And, I’m madly in love with her.” “I’m happy Bucky.  Stevie… really.  Loki is… he’s my everything.  I love him, too.”  

As your secret was outed, the group formed a circle around you and Loki.  Questions were shouted, congratulations extolled, Loki was clapped on the back more than once.  Natasha gave you a wink and the "ok", which was really all the approval you needed. 

“So, who won the pool then?”, Clint couldn’t help asking. “Me… and Thor”, the bride stepped right up to Tony with her hand out ready to take the prize money. “No fair!  He’s your brother in law now.  He probably told you!”  Rhodey chimed in, unsatisfied with the final results. Defending her methods, Jane spun in her wedding dress, “No way!  I used my powers of scientific deduction.  I knew she was head over heels for Loki the night we announced our engagement.” Wondering, you looked at Jane, “You did?  How?  I mean, I didn't tell anyone.  We didn't tell anyone ” “You didn't have to!  You two wouldn’t look at each other.  Dead give away.”  Counting her cash, Jane smiled at you. “That may be true, but I promise you this, Odinson… break her heart and I’ll kill you.”  Bucky shook Loki’s hand good naturedly, if a little too long, stopping only when Steve pulled him away. Gazing down at you, adoration evident in his face, Loki husked, “Not to worry, Agent Barnes.  She has my heart you see... and I plan to be her guy as long as she’ll have me.”

Tagging my Minxes:  @lancsnerd​ @vodka-and-some-sass​ @just-random-obsessions​ @brokenthelovely​ @lots-of-loki​ @thefallenbibliophilequote​ @sammy-jo1977​ @queenofmischief​ @iamverity​ @iluvsumbucky​ @unadulteratedwizardlove​ @wolfsmom1​ @procrastinatinglikeabitch​ @mizfit2​ @shxdowofdarkness​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @ahintofkiwistrawberry​ @jessiejunebug​ @rorybutnotgilmore​ @crystalizedcaramel​ @lokislittlecorner​ @scrumptious-finicky-illusion​ @capcapcapsicle​ @jamielea81​ @caffiend-queen​ @thenatalie @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​ @is-it-madness​ @jenjen8675309​ @alexakeyloveloki​ @poetic-fiasco​ 

[tillthelandslide]

Photographer : Henry Cavill Fake Instagram

Author’s note: Hi everyone. Hope you enjoy another fake instagram post. I really do enjoy making this so keep sending me requests, this one wasn’t a request but my own idea, I’m slowly working my way through some different careers so people can relate more to each one if they see their career being represented. Unfortunately, Tumblr on my phone keeps messing up, I usually like to include emojis here and there because to me it feels more real but it wouldn’t let me.

Anyway hope you enjoy - L

Tagged: @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69​ (if you want to be tagged in my post please message me :)

yourname_photography:

yourname_photography had an amazing day shooting with @henrycavill such a pleasure working with you love.

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fan2 your photography is so good

  ↳ yourname_photography aw thanks love

  ↳ fan3 honestly one of the best photographers out there atm

henrycavill thanks for the amazing day, I had such a nice time, you are so talented

  ↳ yourname_photography oh hush sir, was a joy working with you, you make my job very easy, lets just put it that way

henryfan “love” are they dating or not, we need answers

  ↳ ynfan she’s british, she calls everyone love, but if they were then we should all be happy for them, they don’t owe us answers

henrycavill:

henrycavill it is always such a joy when I get to work with amazingly talented people like @yourname_photography. So lucky to have you in my life, let alone get the opportunity to work together

Photo by @yourname_photography

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yourname_photography oh hush, you’re the talented one in this relationship kind sir

  ↳ henrycavill <3

  ↳ fan5 relationship? are they dating?

  ↳ fan6 think they’re just friends but I’m happy for them if they are dating

anyachalotra so talented, these are epic

  ↳ henrycavill she sure is

  ↳ yourname_photography thank you Anya

freyaallan:

freyaallan I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much. And thank you y/n for making me look so beautiful, think these photos are the best I have ever recieved from a photoshoot.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, henrycavill and 431,839 others

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fan3 “now I understand why you love her so much” ?? omg they are dating

  ↳ freyaallan I meant he loves working with her and loves the photos she produces, she is one of his favourite photographers

  ↳ fan2 good save

yourname_photography you were beautiful all on your own, needed no help from me miss. It was such a joy working with you, for sure have to do it again sometime

  ↳ freyaallan oh hush! and i’d love that

henrycavill glad you both had such a good time on set, i have always loved y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff

  ↳ fan2 this post is basically become them trying to convice us all that y/n and henry aren’t dating when we all know they are. good attempts though

photographydaily these photos are clean af

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous Actor Henry Cavill and the photographer Y/n are now rumoured to be dating. The pair have had many photoshoots together and have a history of confusing fans with their comments on each others posts. But what is really tipping people off is a quote from Freya Allan, Cavill’s co-star in the Netflix show; The Witcher, where she said “I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much”. Allan then tried to cover her tracks by commenting on how y/n is one of Henry’s favourite photographers. Cavill too posted “I have always loved Y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff”. Seems fishy to me, wonder if we will get an explanatio soon. C’mon we deserve it.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by 267,092 people

fan3 the level of disrepect in this post is on a new level. 1. referring to Henry as famous and then not using the same terminology for yn who has worked with so many famous actors, musicians, polticians etc and is renowned for her amazing word. 2. “Cavill’s co-star” she’s her own person sis. 3. “we deserve it” no you don’t, you haven’t done anything to deserve anything from them

  ↳ yn-hen-fan thats the tea sis

geraltofriviafans ffs leave them alone. there is the little thing people like to have. its called privacy

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous actor Henry Cavill and Photographer caught kissing on a boat whilst on vaccation with friends and family. We knew they were dating!

Liked by 393,209 people

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fan5 annoying that they didn’t say anything we all would have been okay with it

  fan3 your comment perfectly shows how you wouldn’t have been okay with it. maybe they just wanted some privacy

  fan2 I just found out that this photo amongst a few others were leaked from their phones. Ffs why can’t people respect their privacy y’all wonder why they didn’t say anything; this is why

henrycavill:

henrycavill well the cats out of the bag... not the way we intended to tell you guys which is a shame. We are very sad that this is the way you all had to find out. With both of our jobs being very demanding (we love them nonetheless and are very grateful) we don’t often get to spend time with each other so wanted some time just to ourselves, we wanted to share this amazing relationship with all of our fans when were ready but unfortunately that opportunity was taken from us. We hope you can understand: you all are very important to the both of us and we truly did want to share this with you, but both got a bit too caught up with having each other to ourselves. These photos were taken by one of our mutual friends whilst we were on holiday and were leaked from our phones. I am so shocked that they even managed to do this but I will not let them get anymore attention than that.

To my love @yourname_photography: the last couple of months with you have been bliss, I found myself falling more in love with you everyday. Your dedication to your work is truly inspiring, how deeply you care for and love those around you is second to none, you have taught me so much about so many things but the main thing I will cherish is what you have taught me about myself; you have taught me to truly accept myself and have taught me to see myself the way you see me. I love you more than I can even begin to explain and I can’t wait for what’s to come. Having you to myself has been truly wonderful but sharing how amazing you are not only to me but all those around you is something I am going to enjoy. Everyone should know the amazing things you do not only in your photography career but in other aspects of your life <3

Liked by yourname_photography, anyachalotra, freyallan and 1,203,028 others

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yourname_photography this is too sweet Hen, I love you so much. The past couple of months with you have been absolute perfection and I will cherish them forever. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am beyond lucky to have you and have had you to myself but I’m ready to share you and to share us with the world

  ↳ henrycavill lets do this shit

freyaallan I was worried that I was going to be the one to leak the news and although I’m annoyed it came out like this I’m glad it wasn’t me XD, wish you could have announced it on your own terms though. I’m beyond happy for the both of you

    ↳ yourname_photography the sweetest girl <3 I thought you recovered quite well in that post XD

anyachalotra the cutest couple of all time... there, i said it

   ↳ yourname_photography said it you did. we are beyond grateful for you and how supportive you were of us from the get go 

   ↳ henry cavill thank you anya, your support means the world to us

yourname_photograhy:

yourname_photography to my beloved Henry: the love you have shown me was one I didn’t believe in growing up, the kind of love I thought only excited in fairytales, books and movies. Boy oh boy was I wrong. The love you give is the kind of love everyone deserves, the kind where you give yourself to someone else fully without any selfishness or expectations. To most people you are Superman, Geralt, August Walker, Charles Brandon, Napoleon Solo and many others. But to me you are all those things and more. You are the guy that brings me my favourite soup when I’m sick, the guy that sits with me for hours trying to pick which photos from a shoot are the best, the guy that brings home lillies because you know they’re my favourite flower, the guy that sends me care packages when you are away, the guy that sends me goofy selfies of you and Kal, the guy that rubs my back and plays with my hair when I cant sleep, the guy that introduced me to my second family: the Cavill’s, the guy that works his god damn hardest everyday, the guy that puts in so much effort to raise awareness for endangered species and the fight that Durrell do, the guy that does so many amazing things yet expects nothing in return. You are the epic love of my life and I do not deserve you <3, you amazing, beautiful human, never change <3

Liked by henrycavill, anyachalotra, joeybateyofficial and 1,583,039 others

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fan6 HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT LIKE HER? THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT HIM, I MEAN UGHH SO FLOOFY

fan4 this post got more likes than henrys bc everyone realised they cant not like her

   ↳ henrycavill you made me cry ): now come give me kisses

   ↳ yourname_photography im coming, oops nearly tripped over kal

   ↳ fan 8 haha she’s commenting as she’s doing it how cute

joeybateyofficial all the haters be like “hmm, fuck” bc they realise there is -9182 reasons to hate you

   ↳ yourname_photography thanks for bringing the geralt comments here, someone had to do it :)

   ↳ joeybateyofficial it’s a honour :) happy for both of you... always knew he was a big soft... despite his rock hard abs

   ↳ yourname_photography spend a lot of time looking at my boyfriends rock hard abs much then? XD

   ↳ henrycavill not as much as you @yourname_photography, ayeee XD

[belle-keys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 1 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) hey! i have a long ass one-shot and i kinda of want to make it lead off a lil bit of a cliffhanger so i've got part one here for you. this takes place a few days after this oneshot

-

-

Sarah grabs her white coat from her desk chair, and stares at the embroidery.

Sarah Reese, MD

Dept. of Psychiatry

She sighed, before retreating to the bathroom to tuck and dress. Even after her orchiectomy, tucking was still mildly uncomfortable. At least she had graduated from using tape to using a gaff, which was much more comfortable and easy to take off at the end of the day.

Once she was dressed, clad in a pair of relaxed, navy blue dress pants and a pale pink button-down shirt speckled with cartoonish images of various types of fruit, she grabbed her lab coat, and shrugged it on.

There was a mirror on her closet door, and she caught a glimpse of herself in it. She gulped, and stood in front of it, staring herself down.

She pressed the pad of her thumb against her jawline, and dragged her skin around in a feeble attempt to soften it. Her jawline led her to her chin, the cleft in it causing a pang of dysphoria in her stomach. She puckered her lips, trying to make them look fuller, but that only exacerbated her chin. She sighed, and gave up. It is what it is.

She let her hand fall to her side, and fiddled with her coat. After a moment, she scowled at herself.

“Move on, Sarah, just move on,” She mumbled to herself, taking a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair up into an unintentionally neat bun. No matter how hard she tried, she could never succeed in creating a messy one. That required more finesse than she had.

She smiled at herself, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a good doctor,” She affirmed, “A good doctor who made a mistake,” She quoted Dr. Charles, the thought of him filling her with calm.

“And Ava,” She gave herself a confident look, “Is not worth my time. I don’t even like her anyways.”

She paused for a moment.

“Because I don’t like women,” She shrugged, “And someday I will meet a man who loves me for me.”

“Don’t give me that look,” She snapped at herself, “Just because I’m not cis doesn’t mean I can’t be straight.”

“And I deserve better than Ava anyways,” She opened her mouth, then closed it, like a fish. She opened it again, “Someone better who is a man. I will find the man for me. The only reason I think I like Ava is because I haven’t found the man for me. That’s okay. I’m only 26. Some people don’t get married until after 30.”

“I am a confident woman,” She declared, “A confident straight woman.”

She started to walk away, but she looked back.

“And i’m a good doctor,” She said, sharply.

She saw Dr. Charles outside the hospital, and he waved her over. She ran to catch up with him, out of breath by the time she arrived, “Hello Dr. Charles,” She tried to catch her breath, thinking about how insane she must look right now.

“Dr. Reese,” He greeted with a nod, “How was your break?”

“It was very good,” She announced, “I feel like I am making progress with myself. I am a good doctor! What happened was a mistake, and it doesn’t define my clinical skills.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Good.. Good,” He gave a smile, “In my experience, all you really need after a mistake is to treat a few patients successfully, so I’ve volunteered you to be in the ED this morning.”

Her heart sank.

“And then, when Maggie dismisses you for lunch, come see me in my office and we can chat about what you did differently today,”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she could fidget discreetly. If he knew I’m anxious, he might send me home again.

He gave her a pat on the back, “Holler if you need me. I’m just a page away.”

He left her at the doors to the ED and she took a deep breath, and smiled at the big red letters.

“Help! I need help!”

Go time.

She ran towards the direction of the voice, a large man in his mid-40s who was carrying a young girl, maybe 5 years old, in a bridal-style position.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you, tell me about your daughter,” She prompted, pressing two fingers onto the girl’s neck while awkwardly walking with the man.

“Ah, she’s my niece, Miranda Maxwell,” He corrected, “Uh, she’s almost six, she’s got a.. uh… Heart condition? She was born with it. Her mom said she sees a doctor here uh… Dr… Dr… Beaker? Brekker?”

“Dr. Bekker?” The name made Sarah’s heart flutter.

“Yes, that’s the one. Anyways, she collapsed today, and says her chest hurts, and she’s a bit blue around her lips and nails.”

Dr. Reese took Miranda from the man, and took a light jog into the emergency department. The man took off after her. Upon entering the ED, she called to Maggie, “Five years old with a congenital heart condition, chest pain, trouble breathing, rapid pulse, blue lips and nails, where do you want me?”

“Treatment five.”

Dr. Reese set the girl down on the bed and Monique rushed to start an IV, “Let’s get her on the monitors, and get her changed into a gown,” Sarah instructed, “And Maggie?”

Maggie looked up from where she was conversing with the girl’s uncle.

“Page Dr. Bekker, Miranda is a patient of her’s, and get Miranda’s parents here as soon as possible,” She looked back towards the girl, “Miranda? My name is Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you feel better.”

“It hurts,” She cried, clutching at her chest.

“I know, I know, we’re going to figure out why,” Dr. Reese cooed softly, before taking on a more serious tone with Monique, “Get a CBC, BMP, urinalysis, 12-lead EKG, and get her on oxygen until Dr. Bekk-”

“Talking about me?” Dr. Bekker startled Dr. Reese, “My ears were itching. Miranda, did you miss me? Is that why you’re back so soon?”

Miranda giggled through the pain at that, and Dr. Bekker smiled. Dr. Reese almost allowed herself to feel endeared by the rare display of kindness, but quickly regained composure.

“Maggie, where are we with her parents?”

“They’re on their way, but they said to do whatever it takes to help Miranda,” Maggie called back, and Dr. Bekker nodded.

“What seems to be the problem, Mindy?” Dr. Bekker pulled her stethoscope off of her neck, and pressed the drum to Miranda’s chest, and listened thoughtfully.

“I felt weird and then fell down. My chest hurts real bad,” She complained, “I can’t breathe.”

“Let’s get an echocardiogram,” Dr. Bekker noted to Monique, who nodded, and started to set up the ultrasound machine, “Does it hurt more when you breathe?”

Miranda shook her head.

She’s so gentle with her.

Sarah smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to look at your heart with this special tool, you’ve done this before,” Dr. Bekker assured, before squeezing the gel onto the girl’s chest and pressing the ultrasound wand down.

She can be gentle. And kind.

“Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was shocked back to reality by Ava, who was snapping her fingers at her, “Dr. Reese? What tests did you order?”

“Uh… CBC, BMP, urinalysis, and a 12-lead-EKG?” She trembled, her voice seeming more questioning than answering.

“Okay,” She said quietly, focused on the ultrasound.

A few minutes of quiet later, Dr. Bekker put the wand away, “Clean her up, and,” Dr. Bekker looked back at Miranda, “And if I remember correctly, your popsicle of choice is cherry?” She winked at Miranda, removed her gloves, and helped herself to hand sanitizer off the wall. Dr. Reese nodded at Monique, who was wiping the girl off, and left as well.

“Um…” Dr. Reese started, “What do you think?”

“Transfer her up to the PICU and let me know when her parents get here,” Dr. Bekker told Maggie, before turning to Dr. Reese, “I think she’s in congestive heart failure,” She shrugged, “Did you see the ultrasound? She has a complete atrioventricular septal defect, she’s been my patient for the past year, we knew this was coming.”

“Why didn’t you operate earlier?”

“Her parents wanted to wait,” Ava shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Nobody wants to put their four year old daughter through open heart surgery. But now,” She gestured back towards the room, “Their five year old daughter is going to go through open heart surgery today.”

“Well is she going to be okay?”

“If I can get her in for- I’m sorry,” She interrupted herself, “Why do you care?”

“She’s…” Sarah balled part of her coat up in her hand, “She’s my patient, I just-”

“Not anymore she’s not,” Ava huffed, “Thanks for not killing her. Wish I could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

Ava flounced off.

Sarah watched her leave, and turned to Maggie, who pointed at treatment 1.

“Ear infection.”

Dr. Reese nodded, grabbing the tablet the charge nurse was holding out, and heading to treatment 1.

By lunch, she had treated three ear infections, a gunshot wound, a miscarriage, and sent a psychosis patient up to the psych ward. By the time Maggie sent her off for her lunch break, she had practically forgotten about Ava.

Dr. Charles was waiting for her when she opened the door to see him, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, “How was it?”

“Uh, good,” She sat across from him, and he pulled out his own lunch while she unpacked hers, “I saw Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh? How was that?”

Sarah tapped her foot, “One of her CHD patients came in, um…” She took a bite of her sandwich, “I ordered some tests for her. She was snarky about it when I talked to her afterwards though.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, “Well, Ava will always be Ava, regardless of-”

“She said, um… She thanked me for not killing the patient and said she wished she could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Well, it’s only been a few days. She’ll get over it. You guys were good friends before, you’ll be good friends after a while..”

“Good friends?” She questioned, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, y’know,” He motioned back and forth with his hands, “You’d chat, you seemed to be happy when you saw her, she teased you a bit. All of Ava’s telltale friendship signs.”

Sarah was quiet, instead choosing to take a bite of her sandwich and chew thoughtfully.

“Tell me, Sarah, do you like Ava?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, carefully.

“Like… You know, are you interested in her? Romantically?”

Sarah choked on her sandwich, coughing a few times.

“Remember to chew, Dr. Reese,” Dr. Charles reprimanded.

“I don’t like her,” Sarah defended, “I don’t care about her. I deserve better. If I still liked her after she talked to me like that, even if I liked her in the first place, I’d be crazy.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, taking a bite of his salad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“The shrug.”

“What do you think it means?”

“Did you do Yolanda’s intake?”

“Who?”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her half-eaten lunch back into the bag and tossing it in the trash.

“Sarah, you haven’t finished your lunch-”

“Not hungry, I’ll see you around,” Sarah started to leave, but Dr. Charles stopped her.

“I’m supposed to pass a note on for you.”

-

-

(A/N) come back tomorrow for pt 2 lol

[terrainofheartfelt]

"It's you, it couldn't be awful"

A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics

I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.

Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.

(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)

Section 1: The Bops

Little of Your Love - HAIM

A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”

You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time

Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back

Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers

It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh

Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well

I Like Me Better - Lauv

Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.

when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something

No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids

In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.

I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain

You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac

The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.

Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do

No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor

The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.

No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you

Don't Take the Money - Bleachers

I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.

Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that

In the Morning - Nina Simone

It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif

Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day

This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads

This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”

The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along

Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner

Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.

These people are adjectives to your proper noun

I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you

Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes

Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.

Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time

Wake Me - Bleachers

Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.

And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you

All I Want - Joni Mitchell

I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!

All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.

Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.

You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long

NFWMB - Hozier

Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.

If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies

Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers

This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together

Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!

I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.

Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder

This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.

All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you

Bones - Josh Record

Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.

And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey

The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.

There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did

You and Me - You + Me

You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person

Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am

Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding

The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.

But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here

I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats

It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.

If you ever get lonely if you never did

Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones

The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho

What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you

Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James

Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~

I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look

Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin

They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.

To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you

I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker

No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.

My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past

For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour

Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.

NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier

it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk