#i translated this on my own and felt really accomplished

[matara-okina]

[mirai-e-jump]

Hero Vision Vol.43 (2012/Winter) ft. Kamen Rider OOO Cast Members Watanabe Shu & Miura Ryosuke Memorial Trip (translations below)

Publication: March 7, 2012

-Silent Relationship-

Miura: In the year and a half since I first met Shu, the more I got to know him, the more I liked him.

Watanabe: In what ways?

Miura: Shu's been an actor for 3 years, right? Just as anything can be mastered after 3 years, I think you're at the stage where you've established your "base."

Watanabe: During that time, I was able to work on "Kamen Rider OOO," something I had always dreamed of doing, and, I was also able to meet Ryon-kun

Miura: Shu was grateful for everything and didn't take anything for granted, so he was able to establish a proper base. It's become his strength, and now he can go anywhere and do anything. If we want to learn from our mistakes, we make them, if we want to succeed, we make it happen. He's only 20 years old, so he's got alot of potential. I've been an actor for 10 years, and I'm at the point where I'm thinking, "What should I be doing from now on?" There are many people who say that if you can't do something, you're not allowed to do it. At the 10 year turning point, I was able to be apart of OOO, a work that I could really devote myself to. I realized that because I had the opportunity to meet Shu, who had so much potential, I had the chance to reflect on myself.

Watanabe: I've noticed alot of things from Ryon-kun too. Ryon-kun must've been thinking alot about how to make Ankh a "beloved monster," and how to express "Ryosuke Miura" himself in his photobooks. Never wasting any energy or time. The clothes, makeup, facial expressions, and movements all convey the desire to create a theme or concept, and then accomplishing it. That's why I used to get so angry during the filming of OOO. Especially when the makeup artist didn't arrive at the right time or there was a delay on set.

Miura: There were many times when I'd "freeze" the scene with a single word I said…..But, that was because I thought, "This isn't the way work should be done," or "This isn't the way the workplace should be."

Watanabe: Yeah, I want to learn from Ryon-kun's professionalism. That's how I was taught to be aware in the field, with a straight forward attitude to straighten things out. Ryon-kun has his own principles, and he wants to make sure that they're properly carried out, right?

Miura: I don't like being taken advantage of like I used to. I don't want people to think, "This is good enough for a young actor." Shu and I would never suck up to someone in a higher position. That's not what we're about, we want to make ourselves recognized by growing on the set. That's why I didn't have any unnecessary conversations with Shu or anyone else before a real take. Being an actor is job where you have to keep fighting with yourself, and there are many times where you'll feel lonely. There are some sites where the cast members act casual in order to make up for it, but I don't like that.

Watanabe: When Ryon-kun was on standby, there was a sense of tension that spread through the set. I could hear him quietly saying, "No more playing around." It was then that I realized, "This isn't the place to be screwing around," and I think the rest of the cast and staff felt the same way.

Miura: Everyone in OOO was able to perform with a high level of professionalism. If someone as talkative as Shu was on the scene without thinking, I feel like he would've caused too much trouble.

Watanabe: The reason that didn't happen was because of Ryon-kun. He led us through his actions. I did many things to Ryon-kun though. Things like the "Cola Incident."

Miura: You're going to bring this up again?! (laughs)

Watanabe: While on location for filming of the second half, Ryon-kun said he, "Wanted to drink some cola", so I told him, "I'll buy some for you," but I couldn't find a vending machine. While on the location bus eating my boxed lunch and thinking, "I'll take care of it later," Ryon-kun came to me and said, "Why are you eating food instead of buying me a cola?" You were just messing around, but you were still angry, right?

Miura: I just wanted to eat together with you.

Watanabe: It didn't feel like that (laughs). It wasn't just the cola, you were frustrated by alot of other things, right? I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Why don't you have lunch?," I was able to buy a cola on location after filming, so I left it on Ryon-kun's seat.

Miura: When Eitoku-san (Suit Actor who played Ankh) told me, "It's from Shu-kun," I remember being really happy. Doing things like that, Shu always fills the space in my heart.

-On an adventure together-

Miura: Since OOO is over, I think we should go on more adventures.

Watanabe: Adventures?

Miura: To use a styling analogy, Shu often says, "Ryon-kun, what are you going to wear today? What should I do?" But, it doesn't matter what I answer. I know that you're always looking for the answer that's inside of you. I know this because I usually have an answer in my mind, even though you ask for opinions from others.

Watanabe: That's right. I'm impatient and want to know the answer right away, so I'll ask, "What do you mean?," and sometimes I'll say, "That's what it means, right?," responding before the other person can answer.

Miura: When it comes to clothing, Shu would say, "This isn't my style, so I won't wear it." I used to think, "I can't do this," but wearing different clothes changes you, and sometimes you like them even better. I've come to believe that these things are like anything else.

Watanabe: It's easy to understand if you compare it with clothes. Ryon-kun's visual sense of adventure is incredible. Are you still exploring things? Or have you decided that this is your style?

Miura: I don't decide. It's not that I think, "I'm the one who wears leopard print," I just think, "I'm the coolest" or "I'm definitely cuter than other people." Coolness and cuteness differs depending on the person, but I want to do everything I can and can only do now, fully utilizing both my own ideals and the appeal of the Ryosuke Miura that others desire.

Watanabe: Hmmm~ (is impressed). When I saw Ryon-kun's paisley patterned setup with a blue background, I thought, "So cute!~" (From Miura-kun's blog, February 20, 2011). When I saw it, I thought, "People can do so many things!" But since it's Ryon-kun, it'll probably take some time before I can pull it off myself~.

Miura: Wanna do it? (laughs). You've got an adventurous spirit.

Watanabe: Ryon-kun is slim, so he looks good in both cool and cute styles.

Miura: I used to avoid leather jackets because they didn't fit my body type, but after I was allowed to wear a biker's jacket as part of Ankh's costume, I began to think, "They're cool." Then I started to wear them in my private life, and now I wear them alot. You should try wearing them too.

Watanabe: Isn't it boring to settle on an idea?

Miura: No matter what Shu wears or what he does, he's still Shu. But it's definitely fun to be particular. Now, let's try wearing skinny jeans in our private lives.

Watanabe: Can I really wear them~?

Miura:: It doesn't matter if the zipper doesn't close. Just think that skinny is the only thing in this world!

Watanabe: That's an interesting concept! (laughs).

-We want to be "special" to each other-

Watanabe: In contrast to his fashion, Ryon-kun keeps his own problems to himself.

Miura: I just don't tell Shu about them.

Watanabe: What?! I should be the first one you tell!

Miura: Shu doesn't listen to other people. When he speaks, he looks the other person in the eye and leans forward, but when the other person begins to speak, he lowers his tone and says, "Hmm, hmm…."

Watanabe: My goal this year will be to listen!

Miura: Shu wants to be the center of attention. It's cute how visibly flustered he gets when someone other than himself is being focused on (laughs).

Watanabe: I don't like it when Ryon-kun hangs out with someone else, talks to someone else without me, or talks about something I don't understand even though we're together. I think, "What? Is Ryon-kun that type of person?," it's similar to the jealousy of accusing someone of cheating.

Miura: !!! (he burst out laughing). It's fine when he interrupts the conversation or tries to compete with me by saying, "I'm better than you," but it's a problem when he stays quiet. Shu doesn't talk when he's angry. When I say something, I have to say it all…..

Watanabe: That anger may be because he thought of me, or it may be about something that isn't negotiable at work. While I was happy, I was also worried about Ryon-kun himself.

Miura: At times like that, he'd ask, "Ryon-kun, what's wrong?" Whenever he's in a bad mood, I always try to calm him down, and I'm lucky if I also don't get stuck in a bad mood.

Watanabe: I overdid it sometimes (laughs). However, many things happened during our time together. I had alot of happy times and alot of frustrating times. I don't want to talk about it because it might distort my position and my feelings about the show……but, I thought it was great that Ankh was loved by so many people.

Miura: I think so too. Every time I saw Shu acting brave as the main character, and seeing him being loved by the staff, I thought it was something I couldn't do. Humans are always begging for something they don't have. We have different positions and characters, so it's not like we want to change for the other person (bitter smile).

Watanabe: Thanks to that, I was able to become more attached to my role and love it even more. What may seem like a negative thing can end up improving each other. Because I'm like that, no matter how close Ryon-kun is to other actors in his private life, he always comes back to me in the end. I'm number one among Ryon-kun.

Miura: Where does that confidence come from?

Watanabe: It's my desire for it to be that way.

Miura: (laughs). It's true that Shu is special to me. I've been surrounded by older people since I was little. There are people who pampered me and people who took good care of me, but somehow I couldn't trust them enough, and I always thought, "I have to get my act together." Especially on set, there's no place to relax….

Watanabe: That's true….

Miura: But, Shu's special. Only Shu can be spoiled. Shu's the first one where I think I can do anything with this person. Whether it's a photo shoot or an event, when Shu says, "Ryon-kun, it's okay," I can trust him with everything. Shu changed me from my very core.

Watanabe: Ehhh? Am I spoiled?

Miura: Shu was given special treatment during the photo shoot, right? When we all went to a donut shop to celebrate the makeup artist's birthday, I only bought grape juice for Shu (laughs).

Watanabe: That's right! I was the only one! (is happy).

Miura: I remember things like that every now and then. "We were together every day when we co starred together, so now it's fine if we don't see each other for a few months," I don't know why I ever said that……

Watanabe: Did you realize how much I meant to you after you left? Perhaps you got stuck in the "Watanabe Spiral?"

Miura: What does that mean?! (laughs).

Watanabe: It's the same for me. When I entered the set of OOO, I realized how blessed I was to be there. I felt like everyone loved me so much. At such times, I want to meet Ryon-kun and to confirm that, "I'm not alone."

Miura: Ahahaha!! (he bursts out laughing).

Watanabe: Well, after all, it's lonely, and we have to say "bye bye" now that we've finished filming.

Miura: I thought it was fine up until now, but I want to continue working with Shu and the others…..But, Shu doesn't think I'm special. To Shu, everyone is special.

Watanabe: What are you talking about?! Ryon-kun is the only one who keeps in touch with me this much.

Miura: I don't contact you as much as you say.

Watanabe: Is this because of the "email incident?"

Miura: When we first met, I said, "I don't feel comfortable messaging men."

Watanabe: I don't even message my friends to say, "See you tomorrow." The only emails I send are things like reminding my parents to send me contact lenses, or business matters like saying "I understand" to my manager (laughs). And yet, even though I send them to Ryon-kun myself, I can't?

Miura: You attach heart marks too.

Watanabe: That's right. Because you're really special to me.

Miura: I see (is satisfied). I'm a person who wants "Love" to exist in everything, including people, things, and work. I expect the same from others, can be jealous, and am abit troublesome.

Watanabe: Really? What if I want love too?

Miura: Then we're the same (is satisfied again).

Watanabe: I also rely on Ryon-kun. If I'm at a loss for materials at an event, if I'm talking too much, or if I feel like I'm going to make things worse, I'll say, "Hey, Ryon-kun?" and wave at him. When Ryon-kun replies, "Yeah?" or "What is it~," I respond with, "Miura-san, can I ask you something?," and then we end it with a joke.

Miura: Ah, that interaction, it really saved you (laughs). I'm glad~.

-The complete opposite path-

Miura: I feel at ease knowing that I'll be able to meet Shu again in the future, whether it's for interviews or at someone's birthday party. But, I'd like to keep in touch with Shu more easily. Even if it's, "I'm hungry, let's get something to eat even though we only have an hour."

Watanabe: Let's do it, let's do it!

Miura: And yet, for some reason, Shu can't do that……

Watanabe: Me being underage was probably a big part of it, huh? I also found myself wanting to meet Ryon-kun. Well, I already told you today, I'll change our relationship.

Miura: Please, by all means.

Watanabe: But, I'm short of money, and lately I've been eating alot of foods with a combination of bean sprouts (laughs). I don't like it when Ryon-kun takes care of me.

Miura: It'd be fun to have a "tasty bean sprout eating contest" at Shu's house.

Watanabe: Sounds good! I'm the best when it comes to bean sprouts, right?

Miura: Save some for me (laughs). Even if you say, "I can't do it because I don't have enough money," I'll say, "Okay, let's do it next time," or "It's okay, let's go together." Shu is serious about things like this. He seems to live freely, but he always tightens up where he needs to. It was the same with OOO.

Watanabe: That's because, as much as I was happy to be able to appear in a production that I admired, I also felt anxious and pressured. When it came to my acting, my responsibilities as the lead role, and communicating with Ryon-kun and the others…..I had alot of worries. When I saw Ryon-kun worrying, I had an optimistic attitude and said, "That's not something to worry about, right?," and it was because I didn't want to show everyone that I myself was worried and depressed.

Miura: Ah…I see…..

Watanabe: For me, I wanted to be everyone's "sunshine" on set. I felt that it was required of me, and I really wanted to make my dreams come true in a better way by being that way. That's why I wanted to challenge myself to do things that were beyond my capacity.

Miura: You overdid things.

Watanabe: I feel so too. There were times when I held in what I wanted to say because I didn't want to get into a fight with Ryon-kun. I instinctively avoided him because I was afraid that if my relationship with Ryon-kun deteriorated, it would become even more difficult to stand firm.

Miura: Why can we talk like this now?

Watanabe: I guess it's because I started seeing things from a different perspective. Just because I talked to someone about my troubles doesn't mean that the tension on set goes down. I don't think I needed to hold myself back so much, and I probably should have talked to Ryon-kun about it. I had too many assumptions about how things should be.

Miura: But, everyone was at ease saying, "Shu-kun doesn't change every day," and they respected Shu for that. This work was possible only because Shu was able to suppress his "insecurity" and "impossibility" and stand firm. By letting me out, the both of us survived together.

Watanabe: I see……We were complete opposites, but we faced the same direction as well.

Miura: That's why my feelings for Shu are actually very simple. At first I was surprised and thought, "Such a person exists!," then I thought, "He's amazing," "He's wonderful," and "I love him." I'm so grateful for him.

Watanabe: It feel the same. For me, this year and a half was because of Ryon-kun.

Miura: Now that our environments are changing, I think it's okay to feel down and talk to others when things get tough. You may run into conflicts when you ask for someone's opinion, and they may not tell you how to solve them, but it is much better than worrying about them alone. I don't want to run into the same problems again, so I think about them until the very last moment, and if it still doesn't work, I vent about it to someone else.

Watanabe: I see…..that sounds fine. Ryon-kun will listen to me now, right?

Miura: Of course, go ahead.

Watanabe: Thank you. Hah~……Today was the first time I've heard or talked about many things. I didn't have as much time as I thought I did while we were performing together (bitter smile). I think there are still alot of things I haven't talked about with Ryon-kun.

Miura: Let's talk whenever you want. It's sad to see the show end, but it was a year and a half of many encounters. I'm very happy that the people who came to know us through these encounters are supporting both of us together. I hope everyone will continue to watch over and support us as husband and wife for many years to come.

Watanabe: (laughs). It's been over a year and a half since me and Ryon-kun became a pair….I believe that together we were able to bring dreams and smiles to many people. We want you to support us forever, and let's grow even more so that we can live up to that.

Miura: Right!

_

Japanese Alphabet with Shu and Ryosuke (+ other page details)

Go to Hakone (page 65)

A: "The moment I'm in love" (Ai o kanjiru toki)

Shu: It's constant……Like the other day, when Ryon-kun gave me the bracelet that he'd been wearing for such a long time. Why'd you do that?

Ryosuke: I've been wearing it for many years now, and I wanted someone I cherish to have something that I cared about. I wonder if Shu writes about me on his blog or talks about me at events.

Shu: I wrote about Ryon-kun in my first blog of the year!

E: "The important part" (Erai tokoro)

Shu: It's strange for me to say this, but he's extremely professional. However, when he messes up, he really messes up.

Ryosuke: The organizers do a better job (laughs).

Shu: I was the organizer of my 20th birthday party and the New Year's party during OOO (laughs). Because it was a party with Ryon-kun and the others, I took the initiative.

Ryosuke: Everyone gets together because it's Shu, and even if they can't make it, they'll definitely let him know.

I: "Want to hold an event?" (Ibento o yarunara)

Ryosuke: A comedy act. At the request of one of my fans at a live event, they said I should be the funny man and Shu should be the straight man (laughs).

Shu: I like singing with Ryon-kun, so it'd be a concert.

O: "What happens when you're mad?" (Okoruto dounaru)

Shu: Ryon-kun stops talking to me and drags me through the day. He's never honest, even if he's sorry during the middle of the day, he won't talk to me until the next day.

Ryosuke: Shu is more flustered than mad. He always wants to be the center of attention, so when I'm talking to someone else, he wants to get between us (laughs).

U: "The jealous part" (Urayamashii tokoro)

Shu: Your visuals and the way you present yourself to the media. The way that you know what's expected of you and can express it.

Ryosuke: That you're full of potential. _

Arrives in Hakone Yumoto (page 66)

(top right) "Although the Romancecar (express train) had some trouble and had to stop at Odawara, it arrived safely at Hakone Yumoto without incident! "We have to take a picture that we've arrived!," and Watanabe-kun and Miura-kun went together to stand in front of the signboard."

KU: "A frustrated heart" (Kuyashii kokoro)

Ryosuke: There are alot of things. He bought an iPhone before I did, he built the cool and stylish house he lives in now, and he's a really strong drinker (laughs).

Shu: His fashion sense. Even if it's a single bag, it's an expensive high brand item!

KE: "Your ideal marriage partner" (Kekkon aite ni osusume ha)

Ryosuke: Definitely Shu. I think he'd be a good dad. He'd take us to various places to have fun, find amazing things for us to do during Summer vacation, and make delicious food to eat.

Shu: Definitely Ryon-kun. He can cook and do housework like a wife. Just being together with him is healing.

KO: "Love" (Koi)

Shu: When it comes to love, I want an answer immediately, so all I want to know is, "I like you or I don't like you." I don't think I could play around.

Ryosuke: I can't do it either. And I'm pretty jealous, so I'm sure I'll weigh them down.

Shu: There are some people who feel more loved the more they're bound!

Ryosuke: I guess so…..I wonder if it has to do with compatibility….

KA: "The cute parts" (Kawaii tokoro)

Ryosuke: His smile and dimples!

Shu: He's surprisingly innocent. I'm the same way, but when he's moved by something, he becomes all, "Uwa~ah!! (with sparkling eyes)"

KI: "Areas of concern" (Ki ni naru tokoro)

Shu: Sometimes, at our events, we'd speak using a fake Kansai dialect (laughs). Saying things like, "Why's that?" and "Is that so?"

Ryosuke: Even though neither of us are from the Kansai region (laughs).

Shu: It did make me feel closer to the guests though. _

Hatsuhana (page 67)

(top center) "When walking in front of Hakone Yumoto Station,"

Shu: Is that the soba shop? Right over there?

Ryosuke: It says "Inn" (laughs).

"Within a 5 minute walk, Watanabe-kun discovers multiple phantom soba shops."

SA: "The surprising thing" (Sapuraizu na koto)

Shu: I'll say it here. I got a Bluray recorder from Ryon-kun as a present for my 20th birthday!

Ryosuke: It's too late to say it! People think I didn't give it to you (laughs).

Shu: I missed the opportunity. So here it is now.

Ryosuke: In a good way, my impression of Shu hasn't changed since I met him. Also, I was really surprised at how well he eats (laughs).

SHI: "Horror story" (Shippaidan)

Shu: I don't mean to offend, but I often end up hurting people with my words…..

Ryosuke: If it were me who had done it, I wouldn't think, "That's terrible"….(laughs).

SU: "My favorite part" (Sukina tokoro)

Shu: There are alot of things, but if I had to pick one, I'd be that he's devoted to me.

Ryosuke: The part where he's always pulling me along, whether it's out of excitement or just to talk.

SE: "World view" (Sekaikan)

Shu: Recently, when we're together, we sometimes spend quiet time together.

Ryosuke: During the stage greeting for the film, "Kamen Rider x Kamen Rider Fourze & OOO: Movie War Mega Max," when I saw Shu sitting at the very back of the location bus, silently admiring the scenery outside the window, I thought to myself, "He's become more sexy since turning 20" (laughs).

Shu: I was probably just trying to appear cool (laughs).

SO: "When you need me by your side" (Soba ni ite hoshii toki)

Ryosuke: Now that Kamen Rider OOO is over, I hate that I'm not next to you.

Shu: I currently feel the same way. I've never been loved so much on a set, so I want to meet up with him once in awhile and spoil him, and I want to confirm that, "Ah, I have friends, and I can do my best going towards tomorrow."

TO: "Times where I make him feel special" (Tokubetsuda to omou toki)

Ryosuke: Always. In front of the other OOO members, I've always shown that, "Shu is the best."

Shu: I rarely send emails outside of business, but I only send emails with hearts attached to Ryon-kun.

TE: "The appropriate part" (Tekitona tokoro)

Shu: When I'm messing around. Sometimes I respond with, "I'm too busy to bother you" (laughs).

Ryosuke: Shu basically relaxes when he doesn't have to do something for himself or others (laughs).

TSU: "The cold (hearted) part" (Tsumetai tokoro)

Ryosuke: It wasn't towards me, but Shu's face was cold during a pre event meeting with the MC. I immediately asked, "What's this all about?," as it was a face you don't want to show to the visitors.

Shu: When I talked to Ryon-kun after the "Cola Incident", usually he'd laugh and say, "I see~," but he instead responded with, "No, I don't understand" in a cold way……It was scary.

CHI: "The part that's different" (Chigau tokoro)

Shu: Our personalities are the exact opposite. We're like the S and N on a magnet, so we fit together perfectly and can't be separated.

Ryosuke: Yeah, I'm interested because we're different, and I like seeing how things play out.

Shu: We look completely different too! A Japanese face and a Western face!

TA: "Fun memories" (Tanoshi katta omoide)

Ryosuke: During filming for OOO, we had our first date in Ueno! (May 22, 2011)

Shu: After filming, we went to Fuji Q Highland (interview done by Tokyo News Mook: Good Come, November 16 issue). But, you know, I always enjoyed those moments when we had off time, whether it was having a meal during a break or just sitting on the location bus. _

In the Corridor (page 68-69)

NA: "What would you name it?" (Namae wo tsukerunara?)

Shu: E&A, since it's Eiji & Ankh….."EA!" (pronounced ia = ear)

Ryosuke: Hey, are you sure that's okay? (giving a dirty look).

Shu: Eh~? (unhappy). Then, what about Miura-san?

Ryosuke: I want to be on "Team (blank)"

Shu: Since it's the year of the Dragon, how about "Ryuseikai?"

Ryosuke: Sounds good! Our goal is also to get more male fans, so it doesn't matter how grand it is!

NU: "The part I want to leave out" (Nukitai tokoro)

Shu: Dance! And also, professionalism!

Ryosuke: I have none. In the first place, I can't beat Shu, so I have no desire to lose to Shu, or to destroy Shu.

NI: "Similar parts" (Ni teru tokoro)

Ryosuke: That we value our family. Shu loves his family too, doesn't he?

Shu: Yeah, I love them. The similarity with Ryon-kun is……(thinking hard)……I can't think of any! I always see him as my complete opposite.

NE: "Sleeping face" (Negao)

Shu: Ryon-kun's sleeping face is beautiful.

Ryosuke: Shu's is cute. He's like a baby. He must feel comfortable, because he drools down to his collarbone (laughs).

Shu: That's how "Lake Watanabe" will be created.

Ryosuke: That's so gross! (he bursts out laughing).

NO: "Drinking" (Nomi)

Ryosuke: I want to drink at a kushikatsu (skewer) restaurant or some place with a counter.

Shu: I'd rather go to a dirty restaurant than a fancy one and share my true feelings with him. _

Hakone Glass Forest Art Museum (page 70)

HA: "Embarrassing things" (Hazukashii koto)

Ryosuke: I didn't want anyone to see the moments where I went into water, stood on high places, or anything I don't like, but I showed them all to Shu during the filming of OOO. I have nothing left to hide from Shu.

Shu: I'm lazy at home. I watch TV with just a towel wrapped around me after a bath, and my laundry is sometimes left in the washing machine, where it becomes stiff and crumpled…..

HI: "Secrets" (Himitsu)

Ryosuke: There's none. We're generally talkative, and when Shu acts stranger than usual, I get curious and ask what's up. Shu will often ask me, "Ryon-kun, did anything happen today?," so there are no secrets (laughs).

Shu: I have none either!

FU: "Dissatisfaction" (Fuman)

Ryosuke: When I'm having trouble with something I don't want to talk about, he asks me in front of everyone, "Ryon-kun, did something happen yesterday?" I'd like it to be just between the two of us.

Shu: Sometimes he says things that are impossible. Like, "Come to my concert in Osaka."

Ryosuke: Why's that? I'm requesting for Shu to show off his cute performance.

Shu: But, I also have plans…..

Ryosuke: I'll be in a bad mood if you don't come, okay?

Shu: Yeah, I'm not dissatisfied. This isn't dissatisfaction (laughs).

HE: "Disguise" (Hensou)

Ryosuke: I want to act cool like you always do.

Shu: Me too. I'm going to be cool like you always are.

Ryosuke: Can I pull it off?

Shu: Ryon-kun's coolness might be too difficult for me right now (laughs).

HO: "A serious moment" (Honki no shunkan)

Shu: The look in your eyes the moment you start your performance. It's completely different from usual.

Ryosuke: As expected, it's times during the performance.

(middle right) Fusing Experience "While wearing matching friendship bracelets, Miura-kun gave Watanabe-kun the handmade bracelet as a gift, and the two have a close relationship when it comes to accessories. They both made accessories by melting glass and presented them to each other."

Shu: Since it's the year of the Dragon, I think I'll choose something with a dragon motif for Ryon-kun~.

Ryosuke: Eh~? (unhappy).

Shu: No good? Well then, let's do something cute then.

Ryosuke: Hmmm, as I thought, Shu should get a "mask."

"And with that, they start with a complete showdown!"

(middle left) "They also created a gift for the readers."

Ryosuke: Don't move everything I just put down~ (laughs).

Shu: Ah, sorry.

"Watanabe-kun said, shifting the glass beads while curling, so we couldn't see the finished product."

Shu: The one I placed (a glass bead in the bottom center) doesn't make too much of an impression, huh? (laughs). Ryon-kun, please do something about it~

"In the end, Miura-kun arranged and completed it by hand."

(bottom left) Their collaborative "Heart Spoon" will be given away to 1 person!

(bottom middle) From Ryosuke to Shu: A mask necklace

From Shu to Ryosuke: A sparkling key holder _

Onsen (page 71)

MU: "Defenseless moments" (Mubobi na shunkan)

Ryosuke: The times when Shu is sleeping, right? (laughs). I personally think I'm flawless.

Shu: That's a lie~. He already said he's revealed alot of things to me.

Ryosuke: Hmmm, the truth is, the more I like someone, the more conscious I am about how I'm perceived. I just don't do it well with Shu (laughs).

Shu: Ah, I see!

MA: "Things I'm serious about" (Majimeda to omou tokoro)

Shu & Ryosuke: Things relatings to work.

MI: Miura Ryosuke

Shu: The kanji that make up bewitching, "Mysterious" and "Gorgeous," and even "Beautiful" suits him. His appearance, expressions, and everything about him is erotic and cool. Anyway, he's very sexy.

Ryosuke: Are you serious? That makes me happy! I think the eternal theme for me is to have "Love" in everything.

ME: "Meal" (Meshi)

Ryosuke: I'd like to pound real mochi using a mortar and pestle. I'll do the pounding and Shu will do the kneading. And, I want to try different flavors, like chocolate.

Shu: I want to have dinner at a fancy French restaurant in Ginza that costs 30,000 yen per person. I wonder what'll happen to us there.

Ryosuke: We'd probably panic? (laughs)

MO: "The popular parts" (Moteru tokoro)

Ryosuke: You have vitality, and the confidence to do so for whatever reason (laughs).

Shu: I think it's because I want to lead. I'm recommend by younger people (?). But, I'm not looked up to by people my age or those older than me……Ryon-kun is devoted. I can feel that he thinks of me as the center of his life.

Ryosuke: I still think that's heavy to say.

Shu: That's because there are some people in this world that want to be bound. _

Kiritani Hakoneso (page 72-73)

RU: "The parts of his looks that I like" (Rukkusu de sukina yo koro)

Shu: His small, well defined face and slim legs (he slaps Miura-kun's thighs). And, he has a flexible body.

Ryosuke: Actually I'm pretty stiff (his fingers can't reach the floor when he bends forward). I'm like Shu, I've got a firm face.

Shu: We both want things the other has.

RI: Request (Rikuesuto)

Shu: I want Ryon-kun to hurry up and invite me to his house!

Ryosuke: I don't want to because it's a mess right now. I'm planning to move, so wait until I'm in my new home.

Shu: Of course!

Ryosuke: My request would be to go out to eat a meal casually, not just for birthdays or New Year's parties, but also on days when there's nothing going on.

RA: "The lucky things" (Rakki na koto)

Ryosuke: After I met Shu, we started eating alot more food, and we started talking alot. I'm a much more positive person than before.

Shu: I learned alot about the rules of how things should be in the field and how things should be in this industry.

YO: "Weakness" (Yowami)

Ryosuke: It's no good to ignore Shu.

Shu: Loneliness and indifference are the worst. Ryon-kun is lonely too, isn't he?

Ryosuke: It's because I'm a Rabbit, as I was born in the year of the Rabbit.

Shu: I see, you're a Rabbit-chan~ (Does he even understand?)

YU: "How did you come up with your unit name?" (Yunitto mei o tsukerunara)

Shu: Ryosuke's R and Shu's S are taken to make "R&S." By the way, the "&" is taken away from "Earth." Earth also has it's meaning!

Ryosuke: I think it's nice to be big (laughs).

YA: "Being kind to me" (Yasashiku sa reta koto)

Ryosuke: Shu often asks, "Ryon-kun, are you eating your food properly? Are you hungry?" and "Ryon-kun, if there's any leftover, please give it to me."

Shu: In the end, it's my desires (laughs). When I call someone and they don't notice, Ryon-kun joins me and we call together.

Ryosuke: That?! (laughs)

Shu: It's too much that no one moves!

RE: "Means of contact" (Renraku shudan)

Shu: It's mainly emails. We send each other about the same amount. Ryon-kun often sends me messages when he's drunk, saying, "Shu-chan" or "To my beloved Shu."

Ryosuke: When I'm drunk and lonely, I want to meet Shu. It varies whether we respond to each other or not (laughs).

RO: "Lost (what they don't want to lose)" (Rosuto)

Shu: Our friendly relationship. The rest is my personality. As people often say, "I hope you don't change," and if there is a part of me that can support Ryon-kun now, I want to continue to do so.

Ryosuke: My job. I met Shu through work, and if it wasn't for this job, we might have never met.

WA: Watanabe Shu

Ryosuke: He's free…..the way I see it, he's not pretending about it.

Shu: I'm bright and positive. But, I may not be able to show my true self easily.

(bottom right) Since the Hero Vision release date was close to Miura-kun's 25th birthday (February 16th), Watanabe-kun gave him a surprise after dinner. Watanabe-kun was enthusiastically singing "Happy Birthday dear Ryon-kun~" (with a hint of euphoria), and Miura-kun was surprised and said, "Eh? Eh? You're kidding, right?" Miura-kun, with some tears in his eyes, said "Thank you," and Watanabe-kun gave him the biggest smile in return. _

Return to Tokyo (page 74)

(W)O: "The end" (Owari)

Shu: I heard that Hakone got the most snow this winter today. The snow must've been waiting for us to come. Maybe the snow said, "Ryon-kun, Shu-kun, why don't you come quickly? The scenery will be beautiful when it's all piled up."

Ryosuke: What's wrong with you? Saying such cute things (laughs).

Shu: It was alot of fun. The hot springs and the food were great, but I really enjoyed being with Ryon-kun! What about you Ryon-kun?

Ryosuke: It was fun. Since I was with Shu, I ate alot more food than usual (laughs). _

See You! (page 75)

N: "From now on" (Kore kara)

Shu: Next time, we'll climb Mt. Fuji, and at the top we'll shout, "Waaah~!"

Ryosuke: I want to climb it. But, it's said that you're risking your life.

Shu: Is that so? Well then, let's go fishing instead.

Ryosuke: Let's go to a river. I want to eat river fish.

Shu: Then let's go camping! Decide on sweets up to 300 yen.

Ryosuke: Then it's a field trip (laughs). I don't mind if we go to Korea and enjoy fancy gourmet food, or if I pick up some bamboo and go to Shu's house to have Nagashi Somen.

Shu: That's a wide range. Also, are you planning on leaving my house drenched? (laughs)

Ryosuke: Anywhere is fine if I'm with Shu.

Shu: Eh? (is happy)

Ryosuke: It'd be interesting to have an interview where we're just eating (laughs).

Shu: Then you can visit anytime! (laughs)

(*no Japanese word starts with the singular "N" character)

[antiquarianfics]

Taken pt. 7

If Bucky Barnes could time travel, he would go back to that morning. He would hold you a little tighter in his arms, and he would kiss you a little deeper. He would pull your daughter in between the two of you, letting her giggle as loudly as she wants whilst her parents kiss her cheeks and tickle her belly. If Bucky Barnes could time travel, he would have told you not to go to the park—to go anywhere else. But Bucky Barnes can’t time travel, and his wife and daughter are gone.

a/n: we’re halfway through!! I’m sorry this part is shorter, but things are about to pick up!

warnings: swearing, blackmail, mention of murder, themes of conspiracy, canon typical violence.

note: I do not own the character Bucky Barnes or any other Marvel affiliated characters. Any and all characters are a work of fiction and any likeness to real persons is wholly unintentional.

You do not have permission to copy, translate, or repost my work; however, feel free to like, comment, and reblog.

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previous part | series masterlist | next part

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“What do you want me to do”

Morozov grins, pulls a paper out of a manila folder next to his laptop, and slides it across the table to you.

“This list contains the names of people who are keeping HYDRA from its full potential.

“Eliminate them.”

You cautiously pick up the paper Morozov slides to you, letting your eyes wander meticulously over the list of names presented. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise as you read.

John Atkins, President of the United States of America

Elizabeth Fitzgerald, U.S. Secretary of Defense

Antonio Smith, U.S. Director of Homeland Security

Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD

Phil Coulson, SHIELD

Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America, Avenger

Your head begins to ache as you try to comprehend the names in front of you—the targets you’ve been given.

“You’re insane if you think I’m going to kill these people for you,” you say, bringing your attention back to the monster sat in front of you.

Morozov sighs dramatically.

“Again, Mrs. Barnes, I remind you HYDRA has eyes on your family. Each of our undercover operatives are trained snipers and combatants. Do you really think I’m bluffing when I say I’ll have your daughter killed? Your husband? Your friends?”

You purse your lips tightly.

“The names on that list belong to the people who consistently prevent HYDRA from realizing its mission. If I am to accomplish what our forefathers couldn’t, I need to eliminate any potential threats.”

“And what are you trying to accomplish?” You ask petulantly.

Morozov stands, letting his hands rest clasped together behind his back.

“I thought you’d never ask!” He sings out. “You see, eons ago, the ancient inhumans banished the all powerful inhuman HIVE to the planet Maveth. HYDRA has lost its way over the years, but our purpose is to bring HIVE back to Earth so that he may purify it.”

You scoff and Morozov glares at you.

“Steve Rogers, SHIELD, and the American government have foiled HYDRA’s attempts to bring HIVE back to Earth too many times. The HYDRA leaders who’ve come before me didn’t have the gall to eliminate such prominent leaders. That’s why I will be the one to bring HIVE home!”

“I reiterate, you’re insane,” you spit. You can hear the venom in your own voice.

“I reiterate,” Morozov mocks, “I will have everyone you love killed.”

Morozov presses a key on the laptop and a camera switches to whom you assume is one of the undercover HYDRA agents at the Compound. Morozov hits another button and speaks.

“Agent 0412, go to standby.”

You watch as the agent nods subtly before pulling out a gun, turning off the safety, and walking towards the Avengers living quarters. You suck in a breath. While you’ve been acutely aware that Morozov isn’t joking around, you hadn’t quite felt the weight of your own choices until this moment. You note that every choice you make will directly impact the next choice Morozov makes.

“Fine,” you concede. “Call him off and I’ll do it.”

Morozov grins before calling off the guard.

—

You’re sitting on a jet heading back towards the states. You wish you were headed home, but you choose to take some comfort in the fact that you’re at least leaving Siberia.

You check your gear, taking inventory of each gun and knife you have hidden in your suit and strapped to your body. Then, when you’re comfortable enough with your gear, you pull out a crumpled piece of paper that has the names of Morozov’s targets. You’ve chosen to move down the list so that you’ll start with President Atkins and end with Steve. You only hope you manage to break free from HYDRA before you actually have to kill anyone.

“Agent Barnes,” a gruff voice states, and you look up to meet the burly man speaking.

Ever since you formerly agreed to Morozov’s conditions of your family’s safety, you’d been treated more fairly and addressed more respectfully.

“Hmm?” You hum, having taken to speaking as little as possible.

“Hold out your arm, please,” the man says as he comes to kneel beside you where you’re sat. It’s then that you notice the metal case he holds.

Cautiously, you hold out your arm, and you watch as he pulls a large syringe out of the case. The man picks up a small device and loads it into the syringe. He then rolls up your tac suit sleeve and injects the device into your arm. You grimace. It hurts going in, and you can see a bulge in your arm.

“The fuck was that?” You ask incredulously.

“Your tracker,” the man responds dryly. “Dr. Frost asked me to remind you that you’ve nowhere to run. One move in the wrong direction and he orders the kill shot on your family.”

With that, the man leaves and you sit in silence for the rest of your flight towards DC.

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ko-fi

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Tags: @just-henny @jasminocano @browneyedgirl22-blog @barnesboo1967 @matchat3a @unkasworld @qwertyb2577 @raajali3 @yoruse @iilsenewman @alysianc @fairytalegirlofurdreams @marvelxlevram @casa-boiardi @buckybraneslover111 @hhiggs @smolracoon25 @questionableratatouille00 @heytheredemonsitsyourgirl @thearieunhinged @sebastianstansqueen @middaystarlight @talesofadragon @killerwendigo @ozwriterchick

[notyour-valentine]

Strawberry Red ~ Tommy Shelby x Reader (Angst)

[Masterlist] [Taglist]

Summary: After two years, Tommy reunites with Grace, but the same things that once intrigued him, do the opposite now

Note: You have chosen- I hope you enjoy. This is technically a follow up to Blackberry Stains but it can stand alone.

I do not consent to my work being translated, copied or posted elsewhere on this platform or any other. This hasn't been beta'd so I apologise for typos or mistakes

Warning: mention of PTSD, cheating

Request: no

Wordcount: 1992 words

He couldn’t help staring, but for all the wrong reasons. 

Back then, two years ago, he had been enthralled by her. 

She had been a novelty at first, and like all curiosities, had drawn attention. 

And his gaze had lingered. 

She had been bold. She had been brave and straight-forward, even foolishly so and that had intrigued him. 

How unlike (Y/N) she had been!

From the way she spoke, not just the foreign accent but the confidence that dripped from every word, every sentence laced with certainty. 

Even her walk was different, not hasty, with her head held high the way very few women in Small Heath did, having been taught all their lives to evade attention and the risks that would contain. 

Not that anyone with half an ounce of brains would ever dare to look at (Y/N) the wrong way, but there had been a time before Tommy had made his name and before hers was intertwined with his. 

And all these barefooted, hungry years left a mark on the body and soul. 

The way she did her hair was different. The men didn’t mind of course, but she was wearing it open the way no respectable working woman would have thought to do. It would only get in the way of the meals that needed cooking and the chores that needed doing. 

Meals for his siblings, for his nephews. Meals for him. 

Even the way she would dress was different, so many bright, pale colours that made her blue eyes shine. 

(Y/N) had one white blouse- the good blouse, work only for special occasions and never for longer than an hour or two because she never would have thought to wear it during the preparing or the cleaning up. 

Otherwise she’d stick to darker colours that wouldn’t show the stains and would be more forgiving to alterations and mending. 

All these differences had added a shine to Grace. 

And back then, he had drowned himself in them. 

And yet every single detail that had captured his eye and caught his attention merely two years ago, haunting his dreams ever since, now only seemed wrong to him - like flaws in the design that he had been blind to back then. 

It wasn’t her fault. 

Nor was it anyone else’s. 

But the longer Tommy watched her, listened to her, looked at her - really looked at her, the more something under his skin began to itch. 

As the evening went on, everything fell in place just as he had planned it.

She was intrigued by his idea and liked the taste of the expensive champagne they served at the Goring.

But when she smiled, he felt no sense of achievement or accomplishment - instead his eyes lingered on those lips, painted red, making it even more obvious that their smile was wide and honest, but not a bit lopsided. It didn’t make little wrinkles appear in the corners of her eyes that would promise to be permanent marks of joys passed in years to come. 

He felt the way her hand tightened on his arm in excitement as they approached the surprise for the evening - his arm, not his hand. 

She had always taken his hand, ever since he had grabbed hers for the very first time when he had been barely seven, and the shopkeeper was after them for picking up the apple that had fallen off of the cart. His screaming had startled her frozen, and so Tommy had to pull her away. 

She had reached for his hand ever since, in good times and in bad. 

Tommy felt his own muscles twitch on their own accord, turning his palm to the woman at his side, expecting her to lace her fingers with his, only her hand never left the bend of his arm. 

Why should they?

But in their absence, his hand closed into a fist to fill the void. 

Her eyes widened in awe when he introduced her to Charlie Chaplin, but they had the wrong shade and so he perceived the delight in them as if it was dulled by the presence of a veil which he couldn’t lift. 

Because there was nothing to lift, nothing he could pull away, no switch to press that would reveal her. 

She was gone, but he had left her first. 

Back at Ada’s home, a house he had bought as the prize of his ambition, he watched the flickering light of the fire and the reflections it threw on the marble mantlepiece, on the crystal chandelier. 

It turned his whisky to glowing amber and made her pale hair appear golden. 

Grace was stunning, with her soft, laid, light hair, with her pale eyes that looked at him in adoration and painted lips. 

Arguably, she was far prettier than (Y/N), with these looks of hers that could turn heads and would capture attention. They had done so tonight the same way they had done at the Garrison. 

But she wasn’t nearly as beautiful. 

In the smoothness of her skin he missed the tiny scar on her temple from where she had hit her head chasing after baby Anna, back when she had been just a little girl herself.  

Her eyes were clear and beautiful, like a cut jewel in the shop window that was worth more than half a street of houses back home, but they also seemed strangely cold, without a trace of the warmth he could always find in hers. 

Her lips were full and shapely, but she never bit the inside of them in a failing attempt to stop a smile from falling.

Grace had painted them with some expensive lipstick that while keeping the colour on her lips, had left little trace on the gold rim of the champagne flute. 

But all Tommy could think of was how the strawberries had turned her lips a shining red that one spring day. He had fed them to her and couldn’t resist the temptation to mash them against her lips until their juice was spread far beyond her mouth, not even sparing the tip of her nose. 

Their kisses had been sticky and tasted of more sweetness than could ever come just from the fruits alone. 

When he was on his second whisky, the third of the night, Tommy was no longer able to block out the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue. 

Why?

And that meant having to face the answer, which was as pathetic as it was obvious.  

Because she was different. 

That was all it was - the same way crowds were drawn to curiosities, and children cooed around new born kittens. 

That had pulled him in and he had stayed because they had been different too, but in a darker way. 

Four years of hardship and two brothers to bury had left their mark on her soul, just like the bruises on her knees from praying for them. The rationing had taken its toll on her health, just like with Ada and Polly. With little meat to go around, they gave it all to the children, causing their iron levels to plummet and their heads to spin with dizziness more than they ever had before.

He saw her lingering looks on the pictures and the way she always sighed after ending her prayers - her prayers for the fallen. 

Yes, she had been different and her change had frightened him, but it was nothing compared to how he had been altered. 

Despite it all, she was still the same girl he had left behind, the one he had let turn his head, but the boy she had fallen for in turn, the one she had been in love with, no longer existed.

And the man that had come back was nothing but a poor replacement, unworthy of the love and care she sought to place upon him.

Geeing how he could not hide these changes in him from her shattered him even more than any difference in her behaviour ever could. 

She had been as soft and tender as she had always been, offering him all that care and gentleness he had longed for every night in France, but there had been something else in her eyes too. 

There had been concern and that had been too much for him to face. 

And so Tommy had betrayed her. 

It wasn't the night he had spent with Grace, his betrayal had started long before that, he knew now, and he had repeated it again and again. 

No, his betrayal smelled of the dried lavender she had put under their pillows because she had heard in the bathhouse from some other women that it had worked with their husbands, and of the smoke when he had tossed it into the flames. 

Betrayal tasted of all those meals she cooked for him, the old favourites and when they failed new curiosities- something different every day, no matter how much time it took to prepare or how expensive the ingredients were, just to get him to eat. They all tasted of betrayal as they sat there untouched and uncherished. 

It was as bitter as the tea he had let grow cold time and time again, ignoring it the same way he ignored the homemade biscuits she always placed alongside it. 

Betrayal was the sound of the squeaking bed when he turned his back to her each and every night and felt as cold as the absence of her hand in his shoulder for all the times he had shrugged it off. 

That was betrayal and it haunted him every day and every night since.

All the efforts he had discarded, every item or person a witness to his crime, silently accusing him. 

He spared Grace the birth of this feeling that night, and sent her back to her husband who was rich and good and kind to her without so much as a kiss. 

In the end, despite the way their evening had begun, she had looked confused, but he had never felt more certain

She wouldn’t soothe the ache in his chest, for that there were too many difference his mind refused to look past and two much regret in him for his mind to allow him pleasure, even of the basest kind. 

Alone again, he stretched himself out on the hardboard floor in front of the fireplace, sighing deeply. 

Despite his efforts, Tommy never found out where she had gone. She had left without a trace, or at least without any he had cared enough to notice at the time and he hadn't asked questions before it was too late.

Now all the birthday presents and Christmas cards that came for everyone but him were sent with love and care but without a return address. Without even a postage stamp. And yet all the people he paid to watch the streets for her when another of these days approached, saw nothing, least of all her.

So he had no chance of knowing where she was, which city or which country even. 

He did not know which bed she was sleeping in, or who might be right there beside her, hearing the soft whispers if her breath.

The thought made white anger boil up inside him but it was quickly suffocated by the realisation that he had forfeited any claim to her. 

He had discarded her love and affection, her kisses and the softness of her embrace, her tenderness and her efforts.

They were hers to give and he had rejected them. Why should she not give them to someone else?

Grace had moved on too, so why shouldn't she?

Because I can't. 

No, Tommy did not know any of these things, but he knew that she would have two blankets in her bed, no matter how hot it might get. 

He knew that she would have that wooden cross hanging right over her head as she slept, and a picture of her parents on her bedside. 

He knew that he could find a handkerchief in the top drawer. 

He knew that she would have laid out her clothes for the next day to allow her a few minutes more in the morning and that she would have done that just after cleaning the kitchen the night before, no matter how late it got, or how little there was to do. 

He knew it all, that and more and he would know until his dying day. 

Even as the fire faded, Tommy stayed on the floor, slowly letting the memories strangle him, while he told himself the burning in his eyes was from the smoke alone. 

End.

~

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear your thoughts!

Tag lists:

Overall

@lilyrachelcassidy @jyessaminereads @watercolorskyy @books-livre @chlorrox @quarterpastmidnight @lilyevanswhore @polishcrazyone @zablife @just-a-harmless-patato

Tommy

@knowledgefulbutterfly @babayaga67 @signorellisantichrist @lespendy

[nightghoul381]

No Room to Breathe~ Harrison Gray

Premium End

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

No Warnings for this part

Part 1 | Part 2 | Premium End | Epilogue

…Hey…Wake up….Hey.

Harrison: “Oh, you woke up. Hello, leader.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “…Huh? ….Eh, what? What is….this.”

When the man wakes up, he finally realizes he’s in a cage.

Harrison: “Magic that switches our places while we’re asleep. What a lie.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “??...?”

Harrison: “Do you always make your children make the tea you drink?”

Ferris Circus Leader: “After drinking tea, I suddenly felt tired…w-well no way.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “B-but there’s no one other than you who could do such a thing. Did you have friends?”

Kate: “No, it’s just us.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “Well then—”

Harrison: “Ah, that’s right. Your precious children lent a hand.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “That can’t happen! They are my pawns, dolls with no will!”

Harrison: “That may have been the case before. But it’s different now.”

Harrison: “That’s a shame. People change. It’s your fault for ignoring that fact.”

Lionel: “Big brother, big sister! I’m ready.”

Harrison: “Well the show is about to begin, leader. That’s good. You’re the star of the show tonight.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “Huh? H-Hey you guys! Where are you taking me?”

Ferris Circus Leader: “No way… you’re going to put me in tonight’s show!?”

The cage containing the leader is pushed onto the stage on a platform with casters.

Harry and I stood in the shadows, staring at the spotlight on stage.

Tonight, the eyes of the overflowing audience are focused on the stage.

Oliver: “Now, the next thing you’ll see is Escape from Handcuffs!”

Oliver: “This man in the cage is actually an evil felon! Let me first handcuff his arms!.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “H-Hey… Oliver is lying…”

Oliver whispers under his breath, leaning his face close to the cage.

Oliver: “…I appreciate you picking us up. Thank you.”

Oliver: “And—Goodbye, leader.”

With a click, Oliver put on the handcuffs and smiled.

Oliver: “Come on, let’s remove these handcuffs from here!”

Oliver: “And 1, 2, 3! Oh, it won’t come off, will it?”

Oliver: “I’m sorry, but it looks like these handcuffs are no longer coming off.”

Oliver: “Let’s just throw this man in the pig pen.”

Ferris Circus Leader: “…The pig pen…Damn it, damn it!”

Amid the storm of boos from the audience, only the children were cheering.

Kate: “So, what will happen to that guy?”

Harrison: “Victor comes to collect him. Either that or the police will—Either way, he’s going to hell.”

Harrison: “Mission accomplished for now. Good night, Kate.”

Kate: “You too, Harry. Thank you for helping me so much.”

At that moment, I heard multiple footsteps running toward us from behind.

Oliver: “Hey, wait. This guy (Lionel) has something he wants to talk to you about.”

Lionel: “…Big brother, big sister. This.”

Kate: “The key! What happened to it?”

Lionel: “I was hiding it.”

Kate: “…what?”

Lionel: “When I bumped into you, big sister, you were kind to me… that’s why...”

Lionel: “I thought that maybe, somehow, big brother and big sister could help us.”

Harrison: “…Really.”

Lionel: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault—”

Harrison: “You have a good eye for small things.”

Lionel: “…What?”

Harrison: “Yes, you were right to rely on Kate.”

Harrison: “This woman is stupidly good-natured and straightforward…she never abandons anyone.”

(…..Harry.)

Harrison: “There are many things that can’t be done in this world. But…”

Harrison: “Remember that there are people like Kate. This will surely be an inspiration for you in the future.”

Harrison: “…Ah, I’ll remember it. We’ll continue to do our best and continue the circus.”

Kate: “I see. Well then, I’m looking forward to seeing another wonderful show.”

Lionel: “Who are you two? Heroes of justice?”

Children: “Okay, it’s the police!”

Harrison: “Not quite.”

Harrison: “Just a villain.”

We sat on the bed in his room and unlocked the handcuffs.

Kate: “It came off… that’s good.”

Harrison: “Does that mean the case is solved? Or does it mean something is wrong?”

Kate: “Well…both. I’m glad the case was solved, and Harry, you won’t be bothered by me anymore, right?”

Harrison: “You said earlier that you were a nuisance. Why did you think you bothered me?”

Kate: “Uh, because every time I didn’t act in sync with you, you looked down….”

Harrison: “So that’s why….It was.”

Kate: “…?”

Harrison: “That was, um…”

Harrison: “…”

Harrison: “I just looked down and laughed.”

Harrison: “…The way you moved in the exact opposite direction to me was so cute.”

My heart skipped a beat at Harry’s unexpected words.

Harrison: “…what’s with that face?”

Kate: “Uh…. It was just so unexpected, I guess.”

Harrison: “You’re such a…”

Harrison sighed and then smiled, taking it all in.

Harrison: “…Kate. As you said, we are complete opposites.”

Kate: “That’s my line. Right now, I’m just thinking about your feelings, Harry.”

Harrison: “But…”

Harrison: “That’s why I like you.”

Kate: “…”

Harrison: “I could see that you were a different person from me, and I started to love you rather a lot.”

I find it endearing that Harry is so blunt.

(I see. I tried my best to be just like Harry, but I couldn’t.)

(Because, we were attracted to each other precisely because we are different.)

Harrison: “Well, if we were the same person, we’d have nothing but narcissism and self-loathing—woah!”

I interrupt him, unable to resist hugging his neck.

Kate: “I love you too Harry. I love, love, love you because you’re different.”

Harrison: “…”

Harrison: “Pfft, hahaha! I know. I know you like me.”

Kate: “Oh, but I don’t get carried away with different things, do I?”

Kate: “I imagine a lot of what you’re thinking and feeling in the moment.”

Kate: “I love you, Harry, and I want to be with you forever.”

Harrison: “Hmm…Well then, let me think about it.”

Kate: “…?”

Harrison: “What do I want to do with you now?”

Harry’s mint-colored eyes narrowed maliciously, and there was heat in his gaze.

I already know what Harry wants to do in a situation like this.

Kate: “…I don’t know.”

Harrison: “Yeah, that’s a lie. Don’t let me see through your lies just because you’re embarrassed.”

Harrison: “…….See, come here.”

He hugged me by the waist and our lips touched deeply.

Kate: “Nngh…..mmm”

Harrison: “Hey, did you know? Today was the first time I kissed you on the mouth in a while.”

Kate: “Yes, it was….mmmm….”

Harrison: “Hmmm, and I didn’t hold you yesterday. You were in a panic when we were tied up, so I tried to be patient.”

Kate: “Mmm…Harry…I can’t breathe….”

As I was at the mercy of the raining kisses, the tip of my nose rubs against his…

Harrison: “I want to hold you. Do you want me?”

(You’re always vague about important things, but you’re direct at times like this…cunning.)

(…I want you too, Harry.)

Kate: “…Me too. I also….want to.”

Harrison: “… If you look at me like that, I won’t be able to be kind.”

Kate: “…look like what?”

Harrison: “Like it’s okay to do whatever I want.”

Harrison: “I mean, I’m pent up and I’m not going to go easy on you tonight.”

Harry lays me on the bed, picking up the handcuffs that had fallen. And--.

(…eh?)

Both of my hands were handcuffed.

Kate: “…Why did you put these on?”

Harrison: “Because you thought I was annoyed. Because you were about to put yourself in danger again. And the rest.”

Kate: “Whaa…”

Harrison: “But the main reason is… I want to see all the different sides of you.”

Harry grinned and his fingertips slipped into my blouse, tickling my skin.

Kate: “Ngh……”

Harrison: “I got excited thinking about touching you wearing these, you’ll show me your cute face won’t you?”

Harrison: “Kate…. Tonight, let me do a lot of mean things to you.”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Premium End | Epilogue

[obstinaterixatrix]

Amelie, a dreamy and romantic young Belgian woman, arrives in Japan to being work as a translator for the giant Yumimoto Corporation. For Amelie, who spent her childhood in Japan, this is a dream come true. It is her chance to become a "real Japanese." Eager to please her bosses and co-workers, she diligently accomplishes her daily tasks with invention and enthusiasm. But unfamiliar with the customs of the Japanese workplace, Amelie commits a series of cultural missteps and is singled out as a deviant within the company hierarchy, suffering a string of demotions. The harder she tries, the more wrathful her superiors seem to become, the more unreasonable and humiliating their demands. Unable to stop her downfall, Amelie suddenly stumbles upon her own extraordinary means of liberation.

happy femslash february, here’s a 2003 french-japanese movie about miserable office workers.

so. the thing is. this movie makes me insane. it’s deranged normal office drama. it’s mundane absurdism. it’s psychological warfare and power harrassment. it’s not romantic. it’s extremely homoerotic. and it is very french. I’m putting it in my femslash feb recs because. well.

these women are Not Normal about each other. with amélie it’s much more obvious since it’s from her perspective, but there’s a lot about miss mori you pick up from context and extrapolation and she is also extremely Not Normal about amélie.

since it’s about culture clash, I’m sure it’ll be very hit or miss with some folks in terms of how much it leans into stereotypical(/satirical) depictions of japanese office culture, but I felt like 1) there was a wide enough variety of characters to offset completely flattening the conflict, 2) it’s clear to me that amélie is supposed to be shown as having A Very Biased (and sometimes cringe) Perspective.

if you have any interest in toxic office yuri. I Highly Recommend This Movie. it’s available to buy/rent on some streaming services, there are some dvds floating around, and there are other ways to find it if you really want to

[andydrysdalerogers]

Yours Submissively ~ Dreams

Steve Rogers X OFC Isabella Davis

Summary: Five Years after the events of Civil War, Steve Rogers has moved on from avenging and has started his own business, Grant Inc. He has a secret that would turn his world upside down. And he's good at keep that secret. Until he meets the woman with violet eyes that could bring him to his knees. Now his mission is to make her, his. But she is the key that could bring the world into balance... or chaos.

And she has no idea.

Series Warnings: slow burn at the beginning, smut, angst, sexual themes of BDSM, dom/sub dynamics, kidnapping, loss of virginity, (and a bunch of others that will come up)

A/N: Its the penultimate chapter and I'm not ready to say goodbye to Steve and Belle. If you enjoyed this ride as much as I have, let me know.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Banners by me!

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Previous: Nacita

Series Masterlist ~ Main Masterlist

It was bright.  So bright. Why is the room so bright, she thought. Belle lifted her hand to cover her eyes.  Wait, her arm didn’t smart from the IVs.  She looked down to see her arms cleared and her belly gone. “No!” She grasped at her flat stomach. She sat up and cried. This has to be a nightmare. No, no, I can’t leave them. She looked around for an exit.  She had to go back.  She found the door, but it was locked.  She looked for a window, but the room had none.  Then she noticed the posters and photos.  She was back in her childhood room. This is where she would spend eternity.  Trapped in a room she hadn’t been in, in almost a decade.  She curled up, knees to chest, arms wrapped around and began to cry.  She sobbed for what felt like hours. She died and left her babies. Her family.  Her Steve. 

“You are alive, don’t worry.”  

Belle couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She lifted her head. “Daddy?” 

“Hi, my sweet girl.”  Phil Coulson stood in front of her. “You look so grown-up Belle.”  

“Daddy,” she breathed.  She ran into his arms and Phil held his daughter tight. He could feel the sobs racking her body.  “I’m here my girl.  My sweet Belle.”  

Belle searched his eyes. “Daddy, how, why?” 

“You’re asleep my Belle.  You’re dreaming but I needed to see you.” He held her back to look her over. “Look at you. I’m so proud of the woman you have become Belle.”  

She chewed her lip.  The man in front of her knew about her past. “Even though I’m HYDRA?”  

Phil shook his head.  “Isabella, you have never been HYDRA. I don’t know why you think that.”  

“Because the Avengers had to assemble because of me and my heritage.”  

“No, they assembled because you are a family.  And family will always be there for you.”  Phil cupped his daughter’s cheek.  “You are their family.  And you have never been HYDRA.  Your parents sacrificed their lives to make sure that never happened.  I only took over what they started.”  

Belle absorbed his words.  She had never been HYDRA.  She knew that deep down but to hear him confirm it made it feel so real.  “Oh daddy, I’ve missed you.”  

“I’ve missed you too.”  

“You gave me the best life.”  

“I’m glad.  Even if I had to leave you earlier than I wanted. I’m so proud of you and everything you have accomplished.  I’m just sad I can’t be there, cheering you on.  Didn’t get to walk you down the aisle or meet my grandchildren.” His voice cracked a little at the mention of her past.   

“I wish you were there too.”  

“They are great though, Jamie and Lucy.  Beautiful and perfect.”  

“You saw them.”  

“I check in every once in a while.  Steve is going to be a great father.”  

“And are you ok?  With Steve I mean.”  

“If I had to pick the perfect man for you, he is the standard.  He treats you good, right?” 

“Like a queen.”  

“Good because you deserve it.  He really is everything I ever wanted for you.  But tell him something from me.”  She nodded.  “Tell him to let the shield go.  Its time. He’s a father now.  He doesn’t need to be Captain America anymore.”  

“He told me he would only be Captain America if his love was threatened.”  

“But I have a feeling that you and your children will be very safe with him.”  

After a few minutes of just holding his daughter, Phil cleared his throat.  “I’m sorry Belle, but it’s time for me to go.”  

“No, I don’t want you leave. Please don’t leave me again.”  

“Oh, baby girl, I know but I am always here with you.”  He pointed to her heart, “I’m right there.  Always have been.  I never left. You’re gonna be ok. But they need you.  My grandchildren need you.”  

Belle hugged her father tighter.  “I love you daddy.”  

Phil held on to her.  “I love you too my Belle.”  

The world started to blur and fade. Belle starts to hear cooing and a baby crying and she blinks to see Steve and Bucky cradling little bundles. She smiles but stays quiet as she hears the love of her life coo at the pink bundle, while Bucky made faces to a blue bundle.  

“You ain’t gonna tell me his name, punk?” 

“No, jerk, Belle wanted to say that herself. Isn’t that right Princess?” he cooed to the bundle of pink.  

“God, she looks just like her mama and he looks just like you, poor kid,” Bucky teased.  

Before Steve could say anything, they hear, “I think his daddy is handsome.”  

Steve turns around to see Belle smiling weakly at him. “Hi sweet pea.” He breathes a sigh of relief. He walked over and sat in the chair next to her but leaned over and kissed her forehead.  “You really need to stop doing that my love.”  

“What happened?” 

Steve frowned.  “The doctors nicked a blood vessel during the operation. It wasn’t a major artery, but it was enough blood for you to lose consciousness.  They got it under control, and they had to do a couple of transfusions but Dr. Lee said you would make a full recovery.”  

“How long?” 

“Two days.  You were moving and muttering so they had to sedate you.  But I’ve been here this whole time, along with Bucky and we’ve been taking care of the twins.  They are perfect.”  

“My babies,” she whispered.  She looked down at the bundle in his hands.  “My little girl.”  

“As soon as the doctors say its ok, you can hold them,” Steve explained.  “But for now,” he tilted the bundle so she could see her daughter, all pink and soft, with a head of blonde hair. She yawned when she was jostled and she opened her eyes, violet looking back at her momma.  

“Lucy,” she breathed.  Steve moved her so Belle could brush her lips onto her daughter’s forehead. “She smells so good.  She’s beautiful.”  

“Just like her momma,” Bucky said coming over with another bundle. “Got someone else who wants to meet you.”  

“Hi Bucky,” she giggled. Bucky held up the other bundle to get a glance at her son.  His eyes were already open and looking around.   His dark curls on his head were a beautiful contrast to the ocean blues that adorned his face. “My baby boy.  So handsome.”  

The doctor walked in just as she gave her son a kiss.  “Welcome back Mrs. Rogers.” 

“Dr. Lee, hi.”  

“I’m happy to see you awake.  I assume your husband told you what happened.”  Steve nodded as he rocked his new princess in his arms. “I’m so sorry it happened, really.”  

“I don’t want to talk about it.  I want to hold my children.” Belle glared at the woman who almost took her from her family.  

“Of course.  As long as Mr. Rogers can help, it should be fine.  I’ll be back to check on you.  The pediatrician Dr. Carr will be by in a few moments to do a check up on the twins.”  The woman moved to leave.  “Once again, I do apologize for everything.” She left and Belle rolled her eyes.  

“I want a different doctor,” she pouted.  Steve kissed her temple but before he could respond, Bucky interrupted.  

“Really Belle?” Bucky rolled his eyes. “She saved your life and the twins, and you want to be a brat.”  

“As soon as I can, I’m going to tell Ava that you love brussels sprouts.” Belle narrowed her eyes.  

“You wouldn’t.”  Bucky looked pain.  “Steve?” 

“Oh no.  You leave me out of this. Love, we will talk about this later, ok?” 

She nodded.  “Can I hold a baby now?” 

Steve smiled softly.  “Of course.” He put Lucy in her bassinet and helped Belle sit up gently.  He picked up his girl again with a kiss to her head. Belle opened her arms and Steve laid Lucy in her arms, taking a seat to help hold Lucy’s head.  

Belle looked at her daughter. “Hi princess.” Lucy obligated by opening her eyes.  “Bucky, this is Lucy Antonia Rogers, our princess.”  

Bucky smiled as he cradled the boy.  “And this little punk?” 

Belle smirked.  “James Phillip Rogers. Jamie.” She watched his eyes widen.  “Do not drop that baby.”  

“Jamie,” he breathed.  He looked down.  “Hi Jamie.” He looked back at his best friends.  “I’m honored.”  

“You should be jerk.” Steve quirked a smile. “You are the fourth most important person in my life, after these three. Its why you’re their godfather.”  

“I am?”  Belle could see Bucky’s eyes glass over. She nodded and Bucky looked back at his godson. He stared at his downy hair and blue eyes.  “This kid is gonna get all the ladies.”  

“Yeah, well, this little girl will have a lot of callers as well.”  

“Over my dead body,” Steve replied.  “She mentions a boy I’m locking her up.”  Bucky nodded his head in approval.  

“We shall see little one,” Belle said to her daughter.  

Belle was finally sent home after week in the hospital. As Bucky drove from the hospital with Steve in the front seat and Belle in the back with the twins, she couldn’t help but feel like it was all surreal. They had made it.  Past all of the lies, the danger, her heritage, his history.  They could finally be the family they were meant to be.  

All of the Avengers, her family, were waiting for to arrive, with Steve and Bucky each holding a carrier.  Everyone came to greet Belle until finally Tony cracked.  “I have to know names.”  

Belle looked blankly at Steve.  “Are we supposed to give them names?” 

“I thought they picked them themselves,” he deadpanned right back to her.  

“Its what I did as soon as I was old enough,” Belle fake whispered.  

“Please tell me that you’re not serious,” Tony looked between Belle and Steve.  

“Ok, not serious,” Belle smirked as Tony let out his breath and the rest of group laughed.  “Everyone, this is James Phillip and this is Lucy Antonia.”  

“Antonia?” Tony choked.  

“Yeah, we honored my dad and I wanted to honor the other.”  Belle’s eyes shined as she picked up Lucy to hand her to Tony.  

Tony cradled the little girl.  “Hi Lucy girl, I’m Uncle Tony.”  

As Bucky introduced his god son to everyone, Steve looped his arms around his girl.  “Are you happy my love?” 

Belle looked around, taking in her family and smiled.  

“Yes, sir.”  

Three months later… 

Please don’t wake up… just stay sleeping, Belle thought as she closed the door to the nursery.  She checked the video on her phone and the twins didn’t move.  She did a little dance as Steve came around the corner.  

“Are they asleep?” He whispered 

“At the same time,” she whispered. 

Steve quickly grabbed his wife and lifted her by her thighs, forcing her legs around his waist.  “What would you like to do first love?” 

“A bath. I want a bath so bad.”  

“Ok, bath it is.” Steve gave her a sweet kiss and carried her to their bathroom.  He sat her on the counter and started to get it ready for her.  

“Oh, I should mention that the bath has to have you in it as well,” she said with a cheeky smiled.  

Steve turned to look at her.  “I think that could be arranged sweet pea,” he said with a wink.  

They settled into their bath with the monitor close by.  Steve cradled his girl in his arms, running a soft sponge over her, pressing kisses when he could. “So beautiful,” he whispered.  

“Mmhmmm,” she groaned quietly.  “Feels so good Stevie.”  

“Better or worse?” as he let a hand trail down her body and in between her legs, softly stroking the outside of her folds. Her hips jerked up, rippling the water.  “Easy, baby, I know it’s been a while, so I’ll go slow.” He slipped a finger in, and she cried out.  

“Amore,” she whined.  

“Let me take care of you princess,” he whispered in her ear.  “I’ve missed you, my love.  So warm, so tight, so wet.”  He stroked her steady and firm, wanting to warm her up.  

“God, feels so good.” Belle could feel the fire starting to build in her body.  They hadn’t connected like this since before the twins.  She had needed to heal, then the twins needed them more.  But finally, finally, they were back to being husband and wife, Amore and Sweet Pea, Steve and Belle.  

“Tell me princess, tell me what you want Isabella,” Steve drew out her name with every syllable.  

“I want… I want to cum, Steve, please, sir.” Her body was vibrating with every stroke.  

Steve groaned when he heard his title that she used.  It had been a few months since they played.  He had been gentle since she was still in the early stages of her pregnancy.  He grew harder remembering she barely swollen belly and tits. He moved his wrist a little faster, feeling her start to tighten around his finger.  He slid in another and listened to her hitch her breath. He then slowed, chuckling at her huffs of frustration.  “First time I get you all to myself in months, sweet pea. Wanna make it last.”  

“Stevie, please. Been… so… long…” she moaned as he sped up. Steve curled his finger twice before she detonated around his fingers. Her back arched against him as she let the heat flow through every nerve point in her body.  She had misses this, his power over her. 

As soon as he brought her back to Earth, he pulled the water and lifted her into his arms. He took them back to their martial bed and laid her gently down. “I love you. So much. Happy anniversary.”  

“Happy anniversary amore mio.”  

NEXT

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[yuzu-all-the-way]

Aoi Honoo IV - Prologue (the introduction)

Disclaimer: Full translation of AH4's Prologue done via machine translation (ChatGPT, Google Translate, DeepL and several other obscure online dictionaries). This means: nuances may be lost, meanings may be vague/muddled, but the relevant information is present. (@/LiaRyFS)

In 2019-2020, Hanyu Yuzuru thought about various things and hesitated, but ultimately he strongly decided to jump the quad Axel. Looking back on that season, he said as follows.

“2019 was a year of constant battle for me, including the World Championships in Saitama in March. I had been practising the quad Axel for a while, but it didn't go well for a long time… Sometimes I could jump it when I practised with a harness, and I thought, 'If I could do more of this, I might be able to do it.' But I also got injured again while trying things out, and there were many things that happened that season.

It was a year in which I kept challenging myself, but it was also a year in which I felt a sense of defeat as if everything had been broken. It's like there's nothing I can do on my own power, and that's how it felt…

At the Torino Grand Prix Final, of course, I felt that even if I made a lot of effort, I couldn't win without the support of the people around me. I somehow felt at that time that there is a world where no matter how much effort you put in, you can't win without the moment when everyone's power comes together, like at the Olympics.

However, it was a bit different from the statement made at the 2022 Beijing Olympics that 'effort will not be rewarded'. At that time, I think my desire to 'just get better' was still strong, so I was expressing those kinds of thoughts. As the consecutive competitions went on, I lost the strength to say such things when I lost at the All Japan Championships. 2019 was a year in which I struggled, not wanting to just be someone who won two consecutive Olympic titles, or someone from the past.”

When the new year began, he tried to find his way out of that despair.

“Since 2020, I have tested myself and thought a lot about what figure skating really means. So with the desire to regain my confidence, I returned to skating to my programs, ‘Ballade No. 1 in G minor’ (hereinafter referred to as ‘Ballade No. 1’) and ‘SEIMEI’. Since I had not yet won first place in the Four Continents Championships, there was a similar feeling of joy to my first victory in the 2019 GP Skate Canada. (N/T: Winning Skate Canada and 4CC sparked similar feelings of joy) I was really happy to have won! I think it was a big deal that Nathan Chen didn't participate at that time, but still winning the Four Continents for the first time and being able to win all the competitions that I had left behind gave me a sense of achievement and I was enveloped in a great sense of accomplishment.

However, what was bothering me inside was still the quadruple Axel. Even if I skated 'Ballade No.1' more beautifully than before and improved technically, there was a sense of resignation that 'I can't get a score higher than 2015' or something like that. The competition was the one where I felt like I had finally let go of my doubts and decided to focus solely on attempting the quadruple Axel. In a sense, that season was when I was able to establish a clear path towards expressing myself through the program and the 4A.”

However, his feelings were complex towards the World Championships that were coming up next (N/T: WC2020)

“In retrospect, I feel like I wasn't as fully invested in preparing for the World Championships as I thought I was, although at the time I was putting in my best effort. Unfortunately, it was ultimately cancelled due to the impact of the coronavirus. Winning the Four Continents Championship was a very fulfilling achievement, and I don't think it's normal to experience burnout after winning Four Continents, but in a way, there was a sense of resignation and a lifting of the confusion in my heart, combined with the fact that I was going to compete against Nathan, so... to be honest, that World Championships wasn't a competition where I had to jump the quadruple Axel, and the quadruple Axel wasn't a jump I could do even after practising it for about two weeks.

Since the program with the quad Lutz, 'SEIMEI,' had a different composition, I aimed to stabilise that first, and also, I had already peaked a little since the Four Continents, so honestly, during that short period, I couldn't do much except to adjust to get back to my peak. 

However, at that time, the fear of competing against Nathan had already disappeared. It's like, 'I don't mind losing anymore' (laughs). In a way, until the cancellation of the World Championships, I always thought that it would be enough for me to firmly express what I wanted to express and to firmly follow the path of figure skating that I believed in.

However, when the World Championships were actually cancelled, I cried a lot. I couldn't help but wonder, ‘What was I working so hard for?’ And when it was actually cancelled, I realised that I hated going into competitions with the mind-set of 'losing'.”

From there, the spread of the novel coronavirus increased and the situation became such that people were unable to move around freely.

“In the end, that was the end of the 2019-2020 season, and after that, the spread of the coronavirus began, but I didn't have much hope. I was devastated at the 2019 GP Final and All-Japan, and had given up after ‘Ballade No. 1’ at the 2020 Four Continents Championships. From that time on, I didn't have much hope while practising. Rather, the only goal was ‘to jump the quadruple Axel!’

Even if my skating skills and other things improve, it doesn’t mean that the program components score will grow any further. Even if I perfected the expression through music, even if I matched the sound of the jumps to the sound of the music. Even if I did jumps with more variations from difficult steps, the GOE will not improve significantly. Rather, because of that, the speed would be slower and the height of the jumps lower, so some judges give 0 or +1 GOE.

In that sense, I felt like ‘I don't really care about those things anymore’ and decided to be true to myself. Although it may sound like an excuse, rather than trying to do something while decorating myself as 'Yuzuru Hanyu', I think I started practising with the feeling of facing my own core and jumping the quadruple Axel, thinking ‘I'm going to finish this’. So, when I came back to Japan, I started training with that mind-set.

To be honest, there were times when I felt really hopeless, and when the World Championships were cancelled, I cried with relief thinking, ‘I'm glad I don't have to go to a losing match’. In reality, I hadn't been able to push myself to the limit and I wasn't able to perform as well as I wanted to.”

Challenging himself alone in Japan after returning home was even more difficult than he had imagined. Later, Hanyu talked about that time.

“In those days, I felt like I spent a lot of time having a dialogue with myself and facing skating. The desire to successfully perform a quad axel was always at the core of my being. After the Pyeongchang Olympics, I had absolutely no motivation, so if I didn't have the quad Axel, I think I would have definitely quit, and I would have thought about retiring earlier. But thanks to that, I think I now have a reason to live pursuing my dreams, and that is the centre of my current life. I think that hasn't changed from those days to now.

However, at that time, there were challenges in pursuing the quad Axel jump. There were times when the gears didn't quite mesh due to factors such as not having a coach to guide me, changes in practice environment, and issues with body care that I had to decide on my own. At that time, I had a feeling that not only my 4A but also the level of what I was doing was gradually decreasing. I had a feeling like, 'Why am I even doing figure skating?'...It was like a sense of loss. It's like my own abilities were diminishing, or like my skating wasn't my own anymore. I felt a strong sense of sadness, like seeing my ideals getting further and further away from me. When I perform in ice shows or when I have my coach watch me skate, I receive feedback like 'this was good' or 'let's try this a little differently' but when I set such a high goal for myself like attempting the quad Axel alone, I have to spend every day unable to achieve it. I was doing it without any self-affirmation in the midst of that.”

In addition, he completed his graduation thesis for the correspondence course of the Waseda University Faculty of Human Sciences at the end of July, but the burden of collecting data for it was also significant.

“That required a lot of energy. What was published in academic journals was really just a small part, and we actually collected much more data and did various things. It took time to collect that data and required a lot of mental effort as well. At that time, various things coincided. My foot hurt from practising the quadruple Axel, and I had to rest from practice. When I returned to practice, I couldn't jump at all... Everything was already leaning in a negative direction.”

The cancellation of the ice show that used to be held every year, due to the spread of the new coronavirus infection, was also a loss for Hanyu, who had always continued to challenge himself with a forward-looking attitude.

“To be honest, there was a time when I didn't understand why I loved skating. If we really, really go back to the origin, it was something like an extraordinary feeling. The sensation on the ice is completely different from the sensation of living on the ground, isn't it? Because it's such a difficult thing, I think there was a sense of joy when I was able to do it. And then, skating alone on that wide rink and everyone watching only me. If my performance was good, I would receive tremendous cheers, but if it was bad, I would only get mediocre feedback. 

I think that sensation of being watched, of being seen, is something that I really liked. But as I continued skating for a long time, that feeling gradually faded away, or became commonplace. In addition to that, there was also a lot of pressure to meet everyone's expectations, and it became not just fun, but also nerve-wracking, worrying about what would happen if I failed, and so on. It was because of the accumulation of those things, and the increasing burden that came with it, that it stopped being enjoyable, or rather, there was no time to think about enjoying it anymore.

I feel a lot of pressure to 'perform well’ even at ice shows, so I practise a lot for that purpose. So, I think that's why, during the off-season when I wasn't in front of everyone, I started to feel even more like 'why did I love skating again?'”

In the midst of feeling cornered, he had to think and make various decisions on his own. And he had to keep challenging himself with the high hurdle of the quadruple Axel.

“There were times when things didn't go well, and that's why at that time, my mind and my head were in a mess and I felt like I couldn't do anything. Normally, if I played a game or something, it would refresh me and I would think ‘Alright, let's do our best next time,’ but at that time, there was nothing I could do.

Experiencing the pain of practising alone to the point of hating it, Hanyu decided to withdraw from the Grand Prix series during that period. The Grand Prix series of this year was held in a modified format due to travel restrictions between countries. Each skater was allowed to participate in only one event, and the conditions for participation included skaters, judges, and officials from the host country, as well as skaters who regularly practised in the host country. In addition, only skaters from other countries who were invited based on their geographical location were able to participate.

Afterwards, the second event Skate Canada and the fourth event in France were cancelled, and only the first event Skate America, the third event in China, the fifth event in Russia, and the sixth event NHK Trophy were held. The Final was also announced to be cancelled. 

In August, Hanyu took into consideration that "many people would have to travel due to my participation".

He announced his withdrawal, saying, "If I refrain from going and make efforts to prevent the spread of infection, I believe it can be one of the activities to prevent the spread of infection." For Hanyu, who has used going to competitions as a way to stimulate his emotions and as a source of energy for his evolution, it was a difficult decision.

[saiyomiya]

Mamiya Review

Man, I don't know many people who know what Mamiya is, and that's a shame. Hell, the only way I know it is because I checked Andrew Hodgson's portfolio the other day and was captured by the art.

People should REALLY check this out. It's like if Nisioisin and Subahibi and the bunker dream scene in Disco Elysium and your lingering yearning for whoever just came up in your mind just now had a love child with the brain the size of thousands of universes or something. Like is that not the most incredible sentence you've ever read? I'm me and I wrote that sentence but it would've made me want to read it.

Pros

Beautiful art

Incredibly curated freeware OST that made me a fan of Ludo for life

Great translation with beautiful and succinct prose

Incredibly well-paced and doesn't waste your time at all

Cons

There is some thematic messaging in the game that leaves a bad taste in my mouth which is obviously subjective but hey this is my review

Will probably leave you hanging and wanting more answers when you're done, maybe even a bit dissatisfied (warning: I am dumb and maybe something flew over my head, a single read is definitely not enough for this one)

Rating: It's good, great even. The part I don't really like about it is subjective and some/most people might be fine with it or understand something about it I don't. I tolerate it because the rest of the game is interesting and everything else about it is very up my alley. If you're interested, make sure you buy the DLC DoomsDayDreams as well. It contains the last chapter of the story.

Spoiler subjective rambling to myself below the cut. Warning: I am dumb and might be too stupid for this game

Steam | VNDB (Part 1)

Why this game is kino

The settings are super interesting and the writing is beautiful. Honestly I would love to fine tooth reread it someday, maybe in Japanese. (Too bad Textractor can't since the engine uses Javascript).

The scope of the game is impressive and how verbose it is about all of those things is an incredible accomplishment. There is something universally accessible about Mamiya's message. You don't need to read a trove of philosophy books to understand what it wants to say. (Though obviously there are references.) You don't need to tolerate great horrors to get to the good parts. The pacing is good and it doesn't waste your time. It doesn't think you're stupid and believes in your ability to figure stuff out. There's a chance I'm jabbing at a kamige a lot of people revere that I also like for the most part but despise at the same time

MAMIYA (meme), Natsume, and the trichiliocosm are all very interesting and well handled themes. I've never really been able to word these feelings myself, so reading a story that builds something about concepts I've felt in my core was very freeing. It kind of makes you feel like an atom, if we could understand how a single atom feels. I think we all have thought about these things at least once. As humans, we all worry and think of the beyond every once in a while.

The effect this story has on you is genuinely beautiful. How can you feel so small and yet so important at the same time? Not only are you a body, you are your soul, you are your mind, and you have an existence before anyone knew what you are. Yet at the same time, we are all part of an infinitely expanding universe that is not only what we ourselves see, but what everyone else generates.

You feel so cherished and yet so insignificant at the same time.

I find MAMIYA so fascinating as well. To verbalize and personify the idea of yearning and admiring a ghost of a person is super interesting. Everyone has felt that for someone else, a longing to be with or to become a beloved. A lot of people grow out of that, but what happens when you don't? What happens when the scars that that yearning left are too deep? Being able to write a story about this concept, give it a mind of its own, and make it metatextually infect actual readers is brilliant.

It's kaleidoscopic in nature. It's a story that is so many things. It wants to be a literal read, it wants to be an abstract read, it wants to be meta, it wants to haunt you, like a ghost, like a veil, for the rest of your life. It's an incredibly unique and unforgettable experience. The only other game to make me feel similarly was Subahibi but I felt way less miserable while going through Mamiya.

That, on top of watching these characters face their weaknesses and ultimately conquer them with their own strength really tickles the Nisioisin fan in me. Like, all of this is incredible stuff. EX is incredible too, even though it hurts so bad. The bittersweet and vague and confusing endings for me leave me wanting more and someone smarter than me to explain what happened help

It leaves you with a love that is yours alone.

If you like the Pink House characters don't read this word vomit

(Vague Door 2 Fata Morgana spoiler mention)

Okay, time to get negative. I dislike almost all of the Pink House characters. I mean, that's definitely by design. All of them are groomers who succumbed to mental weakness and also nobody likes a groomer. It's pretty hard for me to view them just as characters because they did such horrible things to vulnerable children for their own self-satisfaction and weakness. Like brother I'm sorry but I can't just look at characters like this as just characters.

I fucking hate Osamu as a person. He's my least favorite character. To instill MAMIYA is to leave yearning, but damn, him leaving Ryou with his abusive mother and his biological daughter behind is just despicable. He is insufferable to everyone he talks to, he's ugly asf too, I'm gonna kill him, give me ten dollars. If you like him, more power to you, you're better than me, but my brain just can't run the calculations to tolerate him. Just a subjective thing.

Mayuri's relationship with their mother is relatable and I think their struggles with their inner child and self love are very interesting. However, what they do to Minato throughout DDD is despicable and unforgivable to me and it's very hard for me to look at them objectively. Like I totally get that's a me problem.

I mean, I get it though. There are people in my life who've done awful things to me, but I don't want them to die. Rather, I want them to live and be happy, but away from me. I don't wanna know how they're doing either. In this way, I really have nothing against the better ending Minato has with Mayuri, and I found their duel together interesting. It's well done, in my opinion.

Touma is the least offensive of all of them to me and I don't have much to complain about with him, at least from my understanding of his struggles and what he did overall.

Okay he did bad shit too but somehow it didn't leave as bad of a taste in my mouth than the other two. That too, is subjective.

Finally, Samejima is so boring to me. I never cared about Yukimasa from Fatamoru, so more of the same is more shit I don't care about. He's not very interesting to me on a personal level. I just never cared for characters with his narrative.

I guess for me, since ALL of Natsume's friends patch things up with the Pink House quartet it starts to feel very vaguely like, the way to handle your abuser is to understand why they abused you and then accept that it is a cycle and maybe get along with them and cheer them on. Saying that hilariously minimizes every arc but I mean, this was the vibe I got from all four of them just... more or less forgiving their abusers who put them through psychological and sometimes physical hell. It just didn't sit right with me. I think, for a game like this, having at least one character NOT be the "bigger" person and not be amicable, not forgive even after trying, would've made the message come across more clearly. Forgiveness and handling of abuse is messy and a bit of inconsistency among the cast would've garnered a bit more goodwill on my end.

Of course I might be missing the point or blind. I might be dumb as hell who knows. I would love to be enlightened otherwise. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth for a story I overall liked and became the hugest con about it for me.

Character rankings

Upper layer: Nidome > Mamiya > Natsume > Librarian > Senior

Nidome is cute even though he doesn't do much. I liked his design and I felt like this whenever he called Natsume a silly goose. Librarian and Senior are cool I just wish we saw more of them. The upper layer itself is really cool conceptually and I would love a story about it, but who knows if that's gonna happen.

Natsume and Mamiya are givens to like. I honestly can't tell if I like one or the other more.

Natsume's friends: Minato > Haruki > Ryou > Keito

Minato's narrative is relatable and I like them a lot, Haruki I liked more than expected, Ryou is fine, and I like Keito enough, but I feel like as I've gotten older I've had less patience for characters of his archetype. Or don't care about them. Like he's just there to me.

Pink House: Touma > Samejima >> Mayuri >>> Osamu

Touma is the least offensive of them to me (to the point that I would say that I like him), I don't like how Mayuri was handled and Osamu is just trash to me for reasons I spoke of earlier. I don't feel anything for or against Samejima. It's not his fault I don't care for his narrative archetype, but at least he's better than the other two behind him.

Natsume: Spectator/Idea/As a part of MAMIYA > Body

I'm just fucking around at this point

Conclusion

What can I say that I haven't said? It's good and I hope it gets more popularity someday. It certainly deserves it and I think it could be considered a kamige among VN enthusiasts if they gave it a try. People are just going to have to spread the word. I do think that most people would more positive than me even though I feel relatively positive about it, so go crazy and become the salespeople Kenkou Land deserves.

I still feel like I have so many questions and want so many answers for the main endings themselves. EX is both heartbreaking and yet so freeing at the same time, and the main ending is bittersweet and confusing.

It's as if I woke up to news to my dear friend Natsume Souichirou dying myself.

[milkteamoon]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @shinyopals thank youuuu

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 42!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 340,042

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently and primarily The Magnus Archives — I only rarely write for multiple fandoms at a time. In the past I've written for Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun, Deltarune, Victoria's Electric Coffin......a friend and I used to write OC/Black Butler crossover fics in like, middle school lol

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Cicada Summar (JSHK, rated T, gen) — Pre-canon JSHK backstory fic

No Sort of Name for People Like Us (TMA, rated T, jmart) — mid s3 practice kissing fic

Our Own Personal Hell (TMA, rated T, jmart) — s2 time loop shenanigans

Tongue to Teeth (TMA, rated T, jmart) — victorian monster hunting au

Check Each Box That Applies (TMA, rated T, jmart) — s2 lunch dates and personal discussions

Cicada Summer was posted at the height of JSHK fandom popularity, so I don't think that one is super representative of my "best" fics, though I do think that No Sort of Name is pretty good haha

5. Do you respond to comments? I do my best to!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Prooobably Hazy Days of December...I got a lot of people yelling at me for that one haha (even if I don't think it's too bad? It's open ended at least)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Umm I'm not sure! I think most of my fics are happy endings...maybe Worth More Than All the Silence

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've gotten a few weird comments but I don't think I've ever gotten anything outright hateful

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I've written a few fics but must of my smut stays in the Google docs. My asexual ass likes things more focused on the humorous lead up and/or kink than the actual sex part haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I think the closest thing I've written to a crossover is the doctor who au I wrote earlier this year — I don't really write proper crossovers :,)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Don't think so!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Me and @indigosienna attempted to write a collab fic back in 2020, but we both ended up falling off of it before we finished (oops). The first chapter is still good though I think!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? HARD question, but jmart and hananene both have very special places in my heart

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Too many fic ideas to list haha

16. What are your writing strengths? I think I'm pretty good at humor and getting into a character's head. Also love writing an emotionally charged scene

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue heavy scenes are the WORST (writing dialogue tags without sounding stupidly repetitive...shaking my fist at the sun). Also forever complaining about editing

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't know any other languages well enough to do so

19. First fandom you wrote for? I have vague memories of writing warrior cats fanfiction waaaaay back in the day

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? This is a haaaaard question but currently I'd have to say 1. Learning the Ropes — I originally started this for the RQ big bang in June and didn't make it to the deadline, so it felt like a big accomplishment to actually finish it. Plus I just really like delving into that era of canon and Jon and Martin's whole not-quite-dating shtick they have going on. And 2. Tongue to Teeth — I really love this fic and this au and I was noooot at all expecting the love for it I ended up getting on it. I love this silly au and I'm glad others do as well :,)

Not sure who has been tagged so! Sorry for any repeats! @rakel-on-ao3 @asleeb @thatsrightdollface @crit20lesbian @phynoma @lo-fi-charming @pinehutch @cnnmonbimee

[asyastudieskorean]

9/20/2023 — Hello, studying world. Today I start my journey of learning Korean with my first university Korean class (online). We didn't have any work on the first day, so all I did was read the syllabus (the most basic, non-informative syllabus I've ever read, ha), set up my new desk space, and updated my student bio on Canvas. I haven't been a college student for about 3 years, so it felt like I accomplished a lot. When the readings and assignments start coming in, I'm sure reality will hit.

I've always wanted to learn Korean, and my goal is to reach a near-fluent level, but I know it'll be hard, especially with my full-time work priorities. Eventually, being able to teach and work in translation is my goal. FYI, Chinese, Thai, and Japanese are on my list, too, but I'll be realistic and focus on one language for the foreseeable future.

Last week, as it so happens, I had to move from my family and childhood home, and I am lacking in the positivity department rn, so I think having a place to chronicle my studies and the progress I make will be good for me. I tend to start a new blog on here when I'm having a hard time, and it helps.

So, the plan is to take two full academic years of Korean (that's 3 quarters per year at my university). That's just how much Korean the school offers. I graduated in 2020 from this same university with a BA in English with a focus on professional and creative writing, and I really enjoyed the overall experience studying here.

I spent a whole lot of time obsessing over grammar, reading new and old literature, trying to understand poetry, and just enjoying the inner peace I felt when writing fiction. It was maybe my most happy time because I had no other real responsibilities or worries besides school. All I did was read and write.

Anyhow, fast forward to now, after pondering different language learning options (which are limited in my area), I decided to take my Korean classes at the university level because the classes will show up on my official university transcripts, and I imagine that will be best when I apply for future Korean-related jobs. I am also hoping that by taking university-level language classes, they will have some sort of superior level of... intensity? accuracy? efficiency? Something like that. Granted, this route isn't the best for my finances, as there is no aid for non-matriculated post-grads, and the cost of a single class is quite ridiculous. But alas, here I am, with an empty wallet and hope in my eyes.

Upon reading the syllabus today, which could basically be summarized as "TBD," I realized the textbook I bought, the textbook I waited over a week for, the one listed on the online course materials list, is, in fact, not the correct textbook.

And, icing on the bitter cake, the correct textbook appears to be a rare Pokémon that isn't available anywhere except the dark corners of eBay, where shipping will take at least 2 weeks. Like how did other students get this? Did they order it two months in advance? Meanwhile, I have my first assignments and readings due Monday.

I quite literally just sent an email to my professor and asked what I should do, so we'll see what she says, but I really wasn't hoping to be that one student, emailing the professor about an issue on day 1.

Since this is my first post here, here also is a tiny bit about me:

My name is Asya ("Asia"), and I'm a 24-year-old English grad based in Washington; no, not the one followed by DC, but the state with a lot of rain and trees. Twilight? Starbucks? Amazon? Yes, that one.

Since graduating in 2020, I've been a freelance editor and writer. I'm taking Korean both for passion and for work purposes, and I really should have started sooner. But I guess we're all on our own timelines.

I've been on Tumblr for a long, long time, but I've never been part of the studyblr sector. I'm glad to be here. :)

[appalesbian]

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter? 🤔

Oh yeah, 100%.

(CW for mention of sexual abuse/recovery and also long sappy post lol)

I've talked about this before but I got back into writing fic essentially as a challenge from my therapist. Without going into it too much, I have some sexual trauma I've been working through that really warped how I think about physical and romantic intimacy (on top of body image stuff, chronic pain, internalized homophobia, etc which also doesn’t help). As part of the healing process, my therapist challenged me to write about desire and sex.

It just so happened that I had just finished my first LOK watch and absolutely fallen in love with Korrasami. I loved everything about them, their dynamic, their love for each other. I felt like I knew them and they felt safe. So I wrote my first-ever femslash fic, Catch My Breath to Breathe Your Name. It’s long and messy and extremely imperfect but it felt true to the story I wanted to tell at the time— women who haven’t necessarily had a perfect relationship with sex and their sexuality but can explore together and learn more about themselves and each other.

And writing it was like pulling teeth, especially at the start. I struggled a lot with my own feelings and trying to translate them into someone else’s story. I felt dirty and ashamed to talk so frankly about sapphic sex and desiring and enjoying it. When a friend encouraged me to post it, that was a whole other can of worms🤪 I’m glad I did, though— it felt like an accomplishment.

And towards the end of the writing process for that fic, I started to really have fun with it! Sex doesn’t necessarily have to be something life-shattering or solemn, it can be fun and goofy and silly, and that was kind of a revelation. So then I wrote another fic. And another, etc. and now here we are! I have so much less shame now lmao and I’ve gotten so much joy out of writing and sharing what I write. So shoutout to that therapist and also Korrasami✌🏻

[shiningwonderland]

Camus (All Star) Memorial

Translator: Mimi (twitter: _mimisaurora)

Memorial 2 - Doesn't Know What Curry Udon Is

It all started when I walked into the dressing room of a talk show I was scheduled to appear in.

I had just entered the unoccupied dressing room, taking a few steps forward, when I felt a disquieting presence from behind.

“Hn!!”

I quickly turned around and caught as it flew by— 

“Is this.. a pebble?”

It was a small stone, only about three centimeters in diameter.

“Who is it? This kind of thing…”

“Oho? Looks like you caught it, Ichinose. You're pretty good.”

My eyes widened at the sight of the figure looming behind me and emerging from the shadows next to the lockers.

“Camus-san!? Was this pebble yours…?”

“Indeed. It allowed me to see just what kind of a man you are. It seems, as I predicted, you're no ordinary person.”

Camus-san nodded his head gravely. I assumed the dressing room was unoccupied, but it appears he'd been waiting there for some time.

“To see…? I really don’t follow, but I don’t quite approve of the prank.”

I would expect this from Kotobuki-san, not from Camus-san, who I believed to be a relatively serious man.

Who knew he’d do something like this…

The pebble wasn't thrown very hard and wouldn't have hurt even if it did hit me, but it still would have made me upset.

Camus shrugged his shoulders with a nonchalant look on his face when I expressed my thoughts.

“For that I apologize. But I thought it was for the best. Besides, I knew you would avoid or catch it.”

Camus replied and gracefully sat himself down in a folding chair.

“Or could it be that it was just a fluke?”

“No… I believe I can catch the next one you throw at me.”

“Well, then no harm, no foul.”

Is that right…

I was still left feeling frustrated, but decided not to press the issue any further and settled down in a chair a short distance away from him.

I open the book I brought with me, looking at Camus-san.

What was he trying to accomplish? Aijima-san is a man of many mysteries, but his senpai even more…?

“You seem to still like books.”

“Huh…?”

I didn't understand what he had said for a second, but Camus-san continued indifferently.

“You had brought one with you when we had last performed together.”

“Was that so…?”

“There is no need for you to speak so formally with me, you know. You are the industry veteran here.”

I finally figured it out.

It has been a while since I last shared a dressing room with Camus-san.

He must be remembering that time long ago.

I initially believed him to be a weird man, but perhaps this calls for a new perceptive.

“Not at all… Because I am Tokiya Ichinose, a rookie who has just made his debut.”

“Hm. You’re a man of integrity.”

Camus-san opened his own book and started to read, and I went back to reading myself.

“...”

“...”

I like to be able to focus before work, so I prefer to be with someone who doesn’t talk, but I still could not get over the pebble thing.

What book could he possibly be reading?

I’ve heard Camus-san to be a knowledgeable and well-read person.

It might be a literary work, or…

I glanced over and noticed the title.

‘Everything on Curry Udon.’

Everything on Curry Udon?!

I almost dropped my own book for a second, but I quickly got myself back together.

Everything on Curry Udon…

No, of course, one is free to read whatever books they like.

But this is something someone would never imagine Camus-san to pick.

“...Dostoevsky. You're quite cultured.”

Camus-san suddenly raised his head, looked over at the book in my hand and spoke.

All the while, Camus-san continued to hold the copy of Everything on Curry Udon in his hand.

“No, I wouldn't go as far as to say that… But I have found this translator's take on it intriguing as of late.”

“Hm. …you’re very different from Aijima despite coming from the same class. He only ever reads rubbish.”

“It's probably still hard for Aijima-san to read books in Japanese.”

“That's no excuse. How can someone live in a foreign country without mastering both reading and writing to perfection? That cat is ill-prepared for everything. Don’t you agree?”

“That’s hard for me to say…”

I was at a loss on what to respond, and Camus-san's furrowed brows deepened as he pondered for a moment.

“I have heard you've been working with Aijima recently, I hope he hasn't been causing you any trouble.”

“I have worked with Aijima-san several times, and it's always went well.”

Speaking of working together, Otoya mentioned that he and Camus will be co-starring in an upcoming variety show.

Since Otoya is unpredictable, I worry he'll be a problem.

Camus-san snorted in a dull tone when I told him.

“Hmph. I've gotten used to nuisances, having Aijima around.”

“You say that, but I’m still not accustomed to Otoya’s level of outlandish behavior.”

“Aijima too. That guy has no common sense.”

Both of us nodded at each other in silence, as if we'd just both reminisced.

“That cat lacks wisdom but is unnecessarily proud. Has he experienced any run-ins with the people he’s worked with?”

“From what I know, everything’s been fine. I think Aijima-san possesses a peculiar charm that endears him to people.”

“...I hope that’s the case.”

Camus let out a small sigh and pulled out a new book from his bag, probably having finished reading Everything on Curry Udon.

The new book was… The Curry Udon Lexicon.

Curry udon again.

Is it a favorite of his?

No, it’s probably required reading for work.

It may also be because Camus is a foreigner and is genuinely interested in Japanese food culture…

“...What?”

“It’s nothing. Are you just, by any chance, interested in curry udon?”

“Hm. It's said that even when hunting rabbits, lions put forth their fullest effort.”

That’s entirely unhelpful.

…I don’t understand what that means.

“By the way, Ichinose. I have a question for you. Do you know of a way to eat curry udon without getting your suit dirty?”

“Come again?”

I responded a bit dumbly.

“...I'm asking if there's a way to eat udon without splattering it all over your clothes.”

“I-I see…. The splatter is always unpredictable, so it's difficult to prevent it based solely on how you try to eat it. I recommend using a napkin or something similar.”

“Very well. I suppose there are limits to how refined one can be when trying to eat a commoner's meal.”

“I think it's good manners to make noise when eating foods like udon.”

“To make noise, but with grace… That proves challenging. But if this continues, Kurosaki will be justified...”

Camus thought for a while, then suddenly looked up as if he had just had an idea.

“Which do you think pairs better with curry udon: sugar or honey?”

What?

…This time I didn't have to vocalize anything.

It seems you have to be quick on your feet when talking with Camus-san.

“That's a tough one to answer, but since the soup is sometimes made sweet, neither of them would necessarily be a bad choice. Honey is occasionally added to normal curry as a secret ingredient, so I would personally go with that.”

“That makes sense. Your thinking is very logical.”

“I always strive to be that way. It makes me happy to hear you say so.”

Camus-san nodded gravely.

“If I recall correctly, you’re from Kyushu. Does Kyushu have any speciality udon curries?”

“Any specialty…”

“To tell you the truth, Kurosaki, a simpleton as you are probably aware, mocked me by remarking I didn’t even know what curry udon was. Therefore, I want to present him with a curry udon even he doesn't know about and knock that bastard down a peg.”

“You want to knock him… down a peg.”

“Mhm.”

He looks completely serious about this, but to what extent?

But being counted on for advice isn't something I necessarily dislike.

I told him everything I knew about curry udon.

“Alright. I’ll look further into it. Thank you, Ichinose.”

“It’s no problem at all. I’m happy to help.”

Camus gave a huff and a small smile.

“You have a truly exemplary way with words.”

“Thank you.”

“I'm still nowhere near as proficient as a native speaker. I would like to learn from you. Next time, I'll ask Tsukimiya to show me some of your past TV appearances.”

“That’s fine, although…”

I was anxious for a second.

“How do I put this… It’s not common to add ‘nya’ to the end of words. That’s only…”

“Got it. I understand.”

“That’s good…”

Camus-san flipped through the pages of his book with a contented look on his face.

His eyes suddenly widened.

“Oh!”

“What is it?”

“Look at this!”

The page that was thrust before me contained a picture of a giant curry udon dish attempting to qualify for the Guinness World Records.

“That’s probably about 100 servings. It's certainly very big, but what's this have to do with…”

“Actually, Kurosaki didn’t just mock me. He also threatened to stain my suit with curry udon.”

…What are these men doing?

I thought Kurosaki-san would be more of a serious person, too.

“I have been trying to devise a response, but upon further consideration, a defensive attitude is unbefitting of me, the Queen's Sword.”

“Is that how it is…?”

“Absolutely. Therefore, I will make this udon and serve it to him. Kurosaki, always hungry as he is, will no doubt stand there and weep for joy.”

“R-Right.”

“I will then take my aim… and push him into the udon from behind!”

I started to develop a headache, and Camus-san wore a wicked grin on his face, as if very pleased with himself.

“Hehehe… ...Kurosaki, since you insist on staining the front of my gentleman’s suit yellow, then I shall cover you entirely in curry. I see it clearly… Your face twisted in shame and covered in udon. Hehehehe.”

If someone like, say, Kotobuki-san had made this comment, I would have thought it ridiculous and stood up from my seat.

There was, however, inexplicable power in Camus's laughter that rendered me motionless.

The Devil.

That name is all I could think of in that moment.

“Hm. There's no need to worry about wasting the udon. Kurosaki would probably eat it all up in that situation.” “G-Got it. Um…”

That was when someone knocked on the dressing room door and a staff member peered inside.

“Camus-san. Ichinose-san. It’s almost time.”

“U-Understood.”

“Very well. We’ll be there shortly.”

In the blink of an eye, Camus wore a serene smile and quickly responded to staff, who I in turn turned to smile softly at them.

“Well then, pleased to be working with you today.”

He rises effortlessly and moves gracefully, without missing a beat, following behind the staff member.

I remain frozen in place for a moment, stunned by how quickly everything changed.

…Camus-san.

I indeed don’t think I will be able to read him.

[moorishflower]

I got tagged by @softest-punk to talk about BOOKS

Rules: 10 (non-ancient) books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Idk how we're defining non-ancient but I'm going to assume nothing pre-1400s just because people are listing Shakespeare? Which means I can't include Beowulf :< But know that Beowulf is on here in my heart

The Dark Elf Trilogy by R.A. Salvatore. Hoo boy. Baby's first fantasy novels. I fell in love with Drizzt Do'urden LONG before I knew what being edgy or goth was, and I was absolutely fascinated by the intricate politics of Menzoberranzan, but even MORE fascinated by the Underdark. This terrifying, harsh alien landscape all in darkness, lit only sometimes by phosphorescent fungi, populated by monstrous creatures and inhuman beings with complex cultures...I was actively less interested in the Forgotten Realms books when Drizzt left the Underdark! To this day I'm really fascinated by survival literature and hostile landscapes, and I find things like deserts and cave systems to be extremely beautiful. Also, I had a crush on Jarlaxle, but so did everybody else, so.

Don Quixote (El ingenioso hidalgo don Quixote de la Mancha) by Miguel de Cervantes. I originally read Don Quixote in college, and I fell in love with how it played around with the idea of stories, and how we use them to view the world. I wrote an entire paper about how Don Quixote serves as a sort of trickster figure, because we're meant to learn from his mistakes, but there are honestly so many different ways you can read the text! Is he insane? Is he the ONLY person in the world trying to do the right thing, and its only the rigid outline of society that's actively preventing him from doing it? Also, has one of the single most important quotes to ever be put to a page. "There is no book so bad...that it does not have something good in it."

Dragon's Milk by Susan Fletcher. This was the first book about dragons that I read. I think it probably wouldn't hold up well if I read it again? But I remember being in love with it when I was about 9 or 10. It felt VERY gritty to me (there's death! injury! grief!) at the time, lol.

John Dies at the End by David Wong. HERE'S a book that taught me a lot about fucking around with genre conventions. I reread JDatE about three times in the beginning to make sure I was getting everything, and I still reread it like...once a year or two years or so? Horror is a really special genre to me because there's so much you can learn from it and use it to convey. JDatE was one of the first successful horror COMEDY novels I read.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I couldn't possibly choose a single book, so don't ask me to! This is meant to be read as a series anyways, even more so than other series. King is one of my favorite authors, and I've read pretty much his entire body of work, but there's something special about The Dark Tower books. They're so huge, and far-reaching, and they accomplish so MUCH and manage to entwine so many different threads into one (nearly, no one's perfect, lol) cohesive whole. I'm sure there are a lot of fantasy and scifi novels that manage to weave as many threads as King does here, but man, there's something SO satisfying about being able to go through the Tower books, and recognizing all the references to so many other books by him. <3

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett. WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN. Fuck, what a good book. About personhood, about self determination, about acceptance. Feet of Clay is definitely THE City Watch book for me, followed very closely by Night Watch.

Inferno by Dante Alighieri. Does this count as ancient? I don't care. Inferno was one of my introductions to translation and how word choice can change the entire effect of a sentence. I read it first in middle school, on my own, and then more in depth in high school and college, and I used to keep my annotated copy by my bed in my dorm, so I could go through it whenever I was stressed. I got really into etymology because of Inferno, an interest I still have today!

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. When I read this in high school, the teacher for the class warned us that it was going to be a difficult read and that we would probably need a timeline she had made in order to follow along. But I didn't need the timeline. The leaps in time and space and narration all made perfect sense to me! It wasn't actually that hard to follow along, and the story being told between the words by Benjy was horrifying and fascinating and terribly sad! And then you got to the other parts and it was CONFIRMED to be horrifying and sad! Anyways The Sound and the Fury is a really cool example of nonlinear, unreliable, stream of consciousness narration and I like it a lot.

The Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. Just a really cool magic system. Really interesting worldbuilding. But it's the magic system that gets me.

Across the Acheron by Monique Wittig. Baby's first feminist lesbian book. I got Across the Acheron because I was intrigued by another version of Inferno. Instead, I figured out I wasn't straight! Like all feminist literature there's a lot of ways to read this and it probably hasn't held up as well as I would like, but I am indebted to it for like, letting 14 y/o me realize that not just liking boys was okay, so!

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito

*sigh* as much as i prefer cooler weather, i don’t like the transition between summer and fall. always tend to get sick and half-feverish for some reason when the temperature fluctuates between hot and cool.

anyway, enjoy!

Hakuoki Drama CD Book Vol 5 Saito Hajime-hen - Summer Morning

Translation by KumoriYami

Act 1

Time: Night

Location: Saito and Chizuru's living room

SE: the sound of Saito opening a door

Yukimura: Hajime-san. I've brought tea.

Saito: Ah, thank you... in addition to the tea, there's also yokan?

SE: sound of Saito walking then sitting down

Yukimura: Yes, they were given by the neighbour. Please eat.

SE: Sound of Chizuru putting the tea down

Saito: Well, I must express my thanks to them tomorrow.

Yukimura: Ah...

Saito: What is it?

Yukimura: Hajime-san, show me your sleeve for a moment

Saito: My sleeve...?

SE: the sound of Saito lifting up his arm

Yukimura: As expected, it's torn. I'm really sorry I didn't notice it. I'll sew it up immediately. I'll get you a change of clothes for now.

Saito: There's no need, with this extent of a rip/tear, it doesn't matter if you mend it later.

Yukimura: That won't do, how can you wear such clothes

Saito: But...it's about time to go to bed. It's only been one night, this sleeve won't cause any problems.

Yukimura: No. Even though we'll just be going to sleep, I don't know if anything will happen, so please, lent me take that and mend it now, it'll be quick

Saito:......

Yukimura:....? Why did you suddenly freeze?

Saito: No, I suddenly just remembered that something like this happened before.

Yukimura: Eh.... At what time/When?

Saito: Don't you remember. It was at the time... it was something that happened while we were still in the Shinsengumi.

Yukimura: Something from when we were still in the Shinsengumi...?

Saito: You don't remember. Nn, it's no wonder. After all, it hadn't soon after you came to the Shinsengumi.

Yukimura:....I really don't remember. If Hajime-san tells me about it, I might be able to recall it.

Saito: Alright. It's nice to occasionally to look back. Then——

--------

Act 2

Time: Morning

Location: Shinsengumi headquarters (Yagi's)

Saito (narrated): I remember that it was summer, just like it is now.  I had just finished my training by myself and was preparing to go over to the well to wipe off my sweat, and as I was passing through the courtyard——

SE: Sound of Saito walking

SE: Sound of Chizuru running

Yukimura: Ha ah, hah.... ah, Saito-san! I finally found you... good morning!

Saito:...Can I help you?

Yukimura: I came to tell you that breakfast is ready.

Saito: Understood. I'll go after I head over to the well and wipe down my sweat. Yukimura: Okay...

Saito: Is there something else?

Yukimura: Ah, no... Okita-san said that you would be training in the morning, but I didn't think you'd be using a real sword...

Saito: When training by myself, I always use a real sword instead of a wooden sword. By doing this, you can not only have an experience that is closer to actual combat, and feel your own strength too.

Yukimura:...Um, may I ask you a question?

Saito:...Whether or not I can answer depends on the question, since that's the case, ask.

Yukimura: When Saito-san picks up a sword, do you feel lost/confused?

Saito: I cannot say never, but that has not happened since I've become a member of the Shinsengumi

Yukimura: But drawing your sword means that someone will get injured, or perhaps die... Why are you able to accomplish this without getting lost?

Saito: For the sake of carrying out my own beliefs and ambitions...  And, as long as it is to protect the Shinsengumi's way forward, I will not hesitate to wield my sword. Regardless if I have to sacrifice my own life.

Yukimura:...

Saito: Why did you suddenly ask such a thing?

Yukimura: Ah... I'm sorry that I keep asking you questions. Um, recently I was thinking... what it is I wanted to do... and felt lost.... then... when I saw Saito-san, I felt like I was lacking something... Ah/Yes.

Saito:...? What's wrong?

Yukimura: That, Saito-san... the sleeve of your jacket [im guessing haori] is torn.

Saito: Oh... these are just clothes for training. It will be replaced soon, so it doesn't matter.

Yukimura: If it's possible, can that be given to me to sew?

Saito: I'm grateful that you're willing to do this, but I can do it myself, you don't need to help.

Yukimura: But...

Saito: I've said a lot. I'll be going over to the well to wipe my sweat, you should go back first.

Yukimura: Please wait!

Saito: Is there something else?

Yukimura: Um, would you be inconvenienced if I said that I wanted to help mend that sleeve anyway?

Saito:....

Yukimura: Please allow me to do so. Please!

Saito:...There is no reason to refuse your request twice. Yukimura: Thank you! Then I'll go and pick it up from you after breakfast.

Saito: Nn.

Saito (narrated): That was the first time I noticed your eyes. Seeing your earnest face while you made that request, I didn't know how to respond. After, I quickly learned the reason for you insisted.

--------

Act 3

Time: evening

Location: Shinsengumi headquarters, Saito's room

Yukimura: Saito-san, is now convenient?

Saito: Yes. Come in.

Yukimura: Excuse me.

SE: Sound of Chizuru opening the door

Yukimura: I've mended the garment, so I came to give it to you.

Saito: Apologies, permit me to inspect it.

Yukimura: Okay.

SE: Sound of clothes being picked up

Saito: Nn, it would appear that the clothes were mended well, I'm grateful, thank you.

Yukimura: No, I'm... thank you.

Saito: Why are you thanking me?

Yukimura: Saito-san seriously answered my rude question, so, this is my thanks.

Saito:...

Yukimura: Saito-san? What is it?

Saito:  You mean you didn't propose to sew my sleeve for me out of your own volition?

Yukimura: I don't think it's the same. Everyone in the Shinsengumi is helping me find my father, and is [also] taking care of me, but I have nothing I can give in return. That's why, if there's at least something that I can do...

Saito: You don't need to worry about this so much.

Yukimura: But I, it would be very painful if I did nothing. Please let me help... I also want to make a difference too.

Saito: Is this why you said those words this morning?

Yukimura:  Yes. It doesn't matter if it's something small, as long as it can help everyone... I think that if there's something I can help with, I should be able to become everyone's strength.

Saito:....I see. I feel as if I've always been thinking that there was something off about how you were lately, I didn't expect it to be like this... I appear to have underestimated your abilities.

Yukimura: Eh...?

Saito: This morning, your eyes were very determined. There is more than one way to protect, some people use force to protect people, and some people rely on support to protect people. Just as you said, what you can do may be something small, but sometimes it can turn into a huge force.

Yukimura: I also have things that I can do... is it?

Saito: Nn. But I would not dare to make any assertions.

Yukimura:...

Saito: If your resolve isn't strong enough, the circumstances may somewhat change in the future. Just stick to what you believe in, however...

雪村千鹤：……？ Yukimura:...?

Saito: Forgive my bluntness, the Shinsengumi is a dangerous place for you to be in. You must bear in mind that thoroughly understanding the organization's inner workings [word I have here is inside story/inside information] can be dangerous.

Yukimura: Yes...! Thank you very much, Saito-san.

Saito: One thank you is enough.

Yukimura: Ah. Okay, thank you!

Saito:....Nn.

Saito (narrated): Perhaps, since the first time I met you and that day, I had looked into your eyes while neglecting the strong will behind them. Your sincerity touched me at that time, and I profoundly remembered it.

--------

Act 4

Time: evening

Location: Saito and Chizuur's living room

Yukimura: I'm sorry. After listening to you speak, I finally remembered.

Saito: Don't you think that this was very similar to what just happened?

Yukimura: Indeed, it's quite similar. At the beginning, I suggested that I mend your sleeve...

Saito: It's not only that day, but as long as you and I are together, from time to time, I will always think of each day I spent with you and everyone in the Shinsengumi, will always think of every day spent with you and everyone in the new selection group, these memories are treasures that slumber in my heart/thoughts.

Yukimura: I often recall those times. While I was still in Kyoto... when I went from Edo to Aizu... but I most often recall the day I had a great time trying to find that cat at headquarters and when I went to Shimabara... I often recall everyone's smiles and laughter of everyone from those times.

Saito: Yes. I'm very happy now, but it's not bad to occasionally reminisce about the past.

Yukimura: Nn. If you think about something again, you can always tell me.

Saito; Ah, but I also want to hear from you, if you remember something special

Yukimura: Of course, there are still things that Hajime-san doesn't know about

Saito: Things I don't know about? This is the first time I've heard that. Like what sort of things?

Yukimura: For example... even if you suddenly say that... there are more important things that that right now. I'll go get you a change of clothes, so wait [here].

SE: Sound of Chizuru leaving

Saito: Ah, hey! You still haven't changed.

Saito (narrated): Memories of the past, is it. If would be nice if I only recalled beautiful memories like tonight, but I can't forget those painful memories, because that was the path she and I walked together. The happiness I feel now is also an extension of those times.

Starring: Saito Hajime... Toriumi Kosuke

[shoechoe]

Last night, I finished reading Purple Haze Feedback. It was a lot shorter of a read than I was expecting it to be; I probably could've sped through it a lot faster if I didn't limit myself to just reading a chapter or two a day. Despite that, I can definitely see why so many people are obsessed with it; it does a lot in a relatively short amount of time. So, now that I'm finished with it, I'm going to give my overall thoughts of the novel. This will be fairly off-the-cuff, so sorry if it's a bit messy.

I think expanding on and giving a sense of closure to Fugo's character was the main purpose of this novel, and it accomplishes this goal extremely well. Fugo falling off the face of the earth was one of my big criticisms with Vento Aureo- I enjoy the concept of a character that's usually intelligent and level-headed but has an anger problem that renders them totally irrational when set off, but the manga just doesn't do anything with that concept. Because of that, I think a novel focusing on Fugo and where he went after he separated from the group was well-warranted.

I adore what Purple Haze Feedback does with Fugo's character. It explores his sense of regret for leaving the group and having his comrades die without him, he thinks about his actions and his thought processes that led him to this point, it expands upon his backstory that was relegated to just a sentence or two of dialogue in the original manga, and it gives him a character arc as he's made to go on a mission to prove his trustworthiness to the organization and he gains courage and strength he never had before. The second-to-last chapter where he thinks about Narancia and finally has the same breakthrough of why he was so willing to risk his life for a girl he barely met gave me chills down my spine.

Fugo is made into a genuinely great character in Purple Haze Feedback- I can absolutely see his appeal now. To avoid being overly wordy, he feels completed in this novel, and that's really what I wanted to see.

The things going on in the novel outside of Fugo are also interesting. The narcotics team served as the antagonists while also giving more insight onto the way Passione worked before Giorno became the Boss and also functioning as Fugo's "test".

The fights surprised me with how quick they were, but Jojo fights tend to get tedious for me with how dragged out they get, so that's not really a complaint. I imagine translating the manga's style of fights to novel format would be difficult, so I don't blame the fights of the novel for feeling a lot different than typical Jojo fights. A lot of the descriptions of the Stand abilities and the gore actually made me squirm a bit- particularly, Vittorio succumbing to his own Dolly Dagger and Sheila's vocal coords being controlled by Manic Depression were scenes that stood out to me.

As for all of the new characters, I definitely liked quite a few of them. I can't say I cared too much about Murolo himself, but I certainly liked his Stand ability. (Though I'm still a little unclear on how he managed to survive the helicopter crash...? Maybe I just missed something, though.) Sheila E. was a really good character; I loved her ability and her personality. At the same time, she reminded me maybe a little too much of Trish; she wasn't just a clone of her, but one of the biggest roles Sheila plays is to be paralleled with Trish, and I would've liked to see her do more, especially since she's supposed to be a skilled member of Passione instead of the innocent girl that Trish was. Her backstory with her sister Clara was also a little weak.

I felt as though the plot was also less than perfect. The ordeal with the Stone Mask kind of went nowhere- so did Volpe's powerup and desire to transcend his humanity in the final fight. That was the one moment where I felt as though the fight could've been aided by being longer.

The additions to Passione's past, on one hand, made a ton of sense (of course Diavolo pretended to be fighting the drug trade just so he could set up the market for his own drugs- of course he claimed to fight older organizations to gain the trust of his members- Jesus, why wasn't this in the manga?) but on the other, kind of just exacerbated the problems I already had with the original story (why are we still hyperfocusing on how the drug trade is evil and bad when we know that Passione was also doing several other things that would hurt the innocent, including directly murdering children? Also, once again, if Bruno has such a soft spot for kids, why was he okay with torture-interrogating and then attempting to murder Giorno, a middle school boy?)

The part of the novel that I have mixed feelings on the most has to be the way Giorno is treated. He doesn't actually appear until the very last chapter, but until then, he's built up by the characters to be this almost saintly figure that can read everyone perfectly and always makes the right decisions. I understand he's already compared to Jesus in the manga, but PHF feels especially over-the-top with it, comparing his voice to a pipe organ played at church and having Fugo literally bow down to him in the end.

To be brutally honest, for me, Giorno already feels like he has a sanctimonious air to him despite not even really being a good person himself, and in the manga, he really straddles the line between being interestingly set in his flawed beliefs and just being annoying. Seeing all of the characters revering him like this does make me roll my eyes a little. To be charitable, it does make sense that a bunch of criminals with no other hope would turn to their leader and see him as someone to look up to, even if the reality is that he is far from an angel himself, but I find it unclear if that was what the novel was going for. Still, though, this is far from a story-ruiner and the last scene with Fugo swearing his loyalty to Giorno was wonderful.

Overall, I really enjoyed Purple Haze Feedback. I think it's a wonderful addition to canon, and while it doesn't fix all of my problems, I would absolutely recommend reading it. I'm mostly kind of mad at myself for not doing this sooner.