#i trust the movie more than my own brain and memory at this point

[chaotictomtom]

until now i had no idea 86' little shop of horrors had 2 different endings. the thought that i didn't remember the ending at all was too plausible for me to avoid me to think too much about it

[mychapel-004]

i am about to ramble like a crazy person abt the fnaf movie so scroll if u don’t like spoilers

was not expecting all the love on my last post so i will keep posting thoughts abt the movie

another thing that rlly interested me in the movie was the focus on images, how humans process things through what we see rather than context, and how this sets up the fnaf movie trilogy to focus on fnaf 4 in the next movies.

the most obvious example is abby, we’re explicitly told that children communicate and understand things through pictures, which mike sorta shrugs off until he starts seeing the bigger picture. this then applies to the animatronics when he learns that they are also children and incredibly influenced by the drawings in their environment. the restaurant in the movie is very much a living thing of its own, the way it thrums to life when abby enters, and the animatronics know the truth of the drawing the second it is pinned up, and the animatronics are an extension of that.

a less obvious example is mike. even though he shrugs off abby’s teacher, and the point she makes about him being at the centre of all her pictures, he is much the same. it isn’t just children who are influenced by images. he has been returning to the same image every night for we don’t even know how long, the same picture of the nebraskan trees, the same perfect family picture he describes to vanessa, the same image of his brother looking at him out of the car window. everything he does is a result of this image. he is wholly consumed by it, believes he can somehow change the picture and see the truth beneath it if he just tries hard enough.

the ghost children, specifically golden freddy, change the image for him in an attempt to placate him into giving them abby, but no matter if he dreams of a happy family, it wont change the truth of what happened. just like how pasting a picture of five children happily holding hands with a golden bunny won’t change the truth underneath. images are fallible, they don’t tell the truth and we cannot trust our brains.

firstly i think this is a really fun direction to take in context to how the movie humanises the animatronics. fnaf 1 is a game made entirely of scary, still images of the animatronics, save for the jumpscares and foxy’s run. the lore is sparse and entirely given through exposition (if i hear one more person complain abt vanny only being there for exposition and not phone guy’s two minute loredump at the start of every night in the game i will lose it), and we know nothing other than that our death is imminent.

but the truth is that these animatronics are kids. they’re scared and lost and confused and cannot understand what has happened. underneath bonnie in the west hallway camera and freddy staring at you from the showtime room are terrified kids doing what they feel they have to. the movie was incredibly dedicated to showing that these kids still want to build pillow forts and sing to music and tickle their friends and be a family and i think it was a great choice.

i think all this focus on images is definitely a perfect lead into fnaf 4 (im not 100% on my book lore but i believe there are three books that cover fnaf 1, fnaf 4 and then sister location??) especially with the recent lore update that all of fnaf 4 is hallucinations. we don’t need a lore explanation of how the nightmares could be real because… they aren’t. following the game timeline, fnaf 4 would have already happened by now but we could easily see a return to it through mike, especially if the schmidt-emily or schmidt-afton theories are true and mike could have been the child in fnaf 4 but surpressed his memories. firstly we have a protagonist who is already on sleeping medication and has dreams that can be easily manipulated. this is a perfect setup for the nightmare animatronics to start making themselves known.

i also think that fnaf 1 was intentionally visually tame. the themes of the movie are actually very dark, they don’t shy away from the truth of the bodies being hidden in the suits, the animatronics Very Brutally kill the burglars, max is literally bitten in half and her body is hidden away, but the on-screen gore keeps it pg. this 100% allows them to experiment further with the levels of gore, tension and violence if they do fnaf 4, because quite frankly some of the nightmares are horrifying.

TLDR this movie sets up a million directions and theories that the next one could go in, and theres nothing the fnaf fandom loves more than vague lore and theory crafting

vanny post next bc i have Thoughts

[llonelygoddess]

I'm almost finished with my oc's ref to share with you! ^^ in the meantime... How about the almighty quest of finding the perfect birthday gift for darling? What lengths will they go to figure it out/get it?

Expect me again VERY soon!

Thank you so much for the request! It's helped majorly with my writers block, and I love your OC! Very adorable!!

With Dawn, it’ll be as simple as showing you a cute TikTok that has something she thinks you might like or pointing out things in magazines ( she’s a magazine girly, loves ordering stuff from random ‘zines). Though, if she sees you’re stressed out she fully abandons her gift idea for the moment. She knows how crazy it can be living with the family and in this small town so she asks the family if she can take you away for a weekend to give you a break from the chaos that is your life. Once you’re relaxed and enjoying some rest time she gives you a self care kit stocked with bath supplies, dvds you love, smelly candles, fidgets, a new journal and something from your favorite hobby. 

For some reason, Ricky just KNOWS what you want. It would be weird if he didn’t get literally the PERFECT gift. His gift comes in three parts: a letter, the gift, and a commemorative bear. He gets you one every year from Build a Bear so you both can go through the whole process of picking it out, putting a heart in with scents or a voice box, and getting a certificate (He keeps the certificate as his own little memory keepsake). 

Maeve will spend hours reading all the books she can borrow from the bookstore to find the perfect one for you. She scours the genres from romance and adventure to the scary stuff like Splatter punk. ( Don’t look it up, trust me it gets fucked up lol) When it comes time to give you the gift she’ll set up a cute moonlit dinner at a nearby creek (she’s witchy so of course lol). And by dinner I mean tea time food cause this girl cannot cook for shit. She puts together a bunch of finger foods and drinks with the hopes you’ll spend a few hours just enjoying the atomosphere. 

I think we can guess what Eddie does to find you the perfect gift lol From scouring your Amazon history/wish lists to just stalking you whenever you go out, Eddie is basically in a competition with himself to get you the best gift ever. He’s so indecisive though so gift giving for him looks like receiving multiple amazon packages a day for a week.  

You’d think with all the weed Dakota’s brain would be too mush to think of giving a gift, but no. This man starts planning your gift a year in advance EVERY year. After dragging you around with him everywhere, he’d settle on buying you an experience. Something out of town that you all could go to as a family, like one of those immersive movies where you eat what they show on screen. Or a “potion” making class where you mix drinks together and use wands.  

Literally the only one who just asks you what you want lol I mean, Mateo intends to give you more than what you tell him but he’s too worried he’ll get you something you won’t like. So along with what you ask for, he’ll most likely get you something like a necklace with both of your initials engraved in it. A black diamond in the shape of a heart.

[reneesbooks]

Damn I really feel you on that one Stephanie Meyer book with the parasitic aliens, like that premise was so interesting, why did she have to focus on the stupid love triangle?!

ok here’s the thing. i could fix her

edit: i'm putting this post under a cut bc it got SO LONG lmao. read at your own risk it's messy and obsessive and a bit unhinged

the movie got so close in some ways and fucking missed in so many others. on the one hand, ian in the movie was imo a lot more likeable than he was in the book. I’m attributing this to less dialogue written directly by stephanie meyer and the actor's face. on the other hand. jared was awful. movie did not fix him even a bit. only thing they fixed was the age gap but not even that was explicitly addressed in the movie. it was just assumed bc the actors looked similarly aged

I should mention at this point that I haven’t actually read the book in a few years but I read it so many times at age 13-14 that it was an intensely formative experience despite being a generally terrible book. I could still probably quote entire passages from memory. I’ve seen the movie definitely more than 50 times, including in theaters w my mom the week it came out. I watched it last week just for something to play in the background while I crocheted. I can and will 1000% quote along with the movie. fucking brain parasite book got me I guess

the book delves so deeply into the genuinely fascinating world building that tbh has influenced me to this day in terms of depth and creativity. that’s where the movie set itself up to fail bc the ONLY redeeming quality of the book was the world building. its perfect for a tv show so that there is time to explore what it’s like for Melanie to live among the souls instead of focusing exclusively on wanderers time among the humans.

ok the love triangle. here's the thing. it didn't have to be Like That. BUT. i remember my edition when i was younger (that has since disappeared but i have a new one on the way bc i miss my stupid parasite book) had a bonus chapter or smth from melanie's perspective after she wakes up without wanderer in her head for the first time and runs into ian and they both have this moment where they reach for each other and there is that moment of horror on ian's part when he realizes that she is not wanda and melanie being so used to wanda reaching for him that she doesn't realize that her body is doing it automatically. and it was just so interesting to think about how that duality affected them and i think the movie kind of tried to do that with the conversation that ian and wanda have on the cliffs but it just didn't make it happen in the right way. so like. having the love stories there are important for why wanda is even willing to learn to be human but the focus on them in the movie and its general failure to properly execute the most interesting parts of them are what kneecapped it imo.

anyway getting back to why despite that the love triangle is literally the least interesting part of this book. starting with the thing that drives me the most up the wall. the fact that the movie didn't include walt at all and glossed over wes's death makes me chew drywall bc that plotline made me SOB. wanda's time sitting at walt's bedside and comforting him through his illness is one of the things that really teaches her about the gentleness of humanity despite their perceived cruelty, and what makes much of the humans actually start to trust her. they see how she treats walt and realize that she has a huge heart and capacity for kindness. so when jared gets mad bc the seeker looking for her has caused problems, and she has the whole compound backing her up anyway, it actually has some weight to it. the movie flattened wanda and her relationships to the others so much it's so disappointing!! she feels grief in a way that's different from how she's ever experienced it before, despite knowing and understanding grief from her previous lives. she is devastated and forever changed by walt's death, and similarly by wes's. i don't remember exactly if he had a partner in the book but i think he did so wanda also had that experience of seeing his death devastate someone else so completely (and for her to be able to connect that to how jared feels about her being in melanie's body). so when she asks doc to let her die at the end, it's go so much more significance because she specifically asks to be buried WITH walt and wes!! she finds peace with death and understands it and wants to be with the people who taught her about grief and love and that just. i'm so unhinged about it. and it wasn't in the movie. chewing drywall.

this isn't like. a big thing. but it's forever a little disappointing to me that it wasn't in the movie either. bc the movie went a more "ethereal being made of light" direction for what the souls' actual bodies look like instead of the book's "segmented body with thin tendrils that attach to the brain of the host" description. this matters to me for a sad reason and a funny one. the sad reason is because when wanda sees the souls that the humans tried to cut out, she notes based on the vestigial feelers of one of the dead souls that it was a baby. horrible and sad detail that makes that scene 100 times worse. the funny reason is because since the humans know what the souls look like for the above sad reason, they refer to them as worms. which essentially leads to them calling ian a worm fucker and that's hilarious on a lot of levels the least of which being that it's true. like while melanie and jared and jamie go looking for a new body for wanda he literally doesn't care what it looks like and just sits holding her containment tank the entire time. worm fucker and proud of it good for him

i could write a whole other essay on the worldbuilding but i don't have my copy yet (and all the library copies are checked out who ARE y'all who else has read this book???) and i can't remember enough of it to really get into it. but wanderer's job was to be a teacher because she'd been to almost all the different planets (hence her name) so there were some glimpses of the fascinating universe of this world. the stories that she tells about the other planets?? unparalleled. wanderer tells this story about an ethical dilemma (among parasitic aliens lmao) because their host species on one planet burns another alive for its food source BUT they had recently discovered that the food source species was also sapient and intelligent so they were trying to figure out a way to handle the situation. that entire thing could be more interesting than the love triangle but instead it was like. a maximum of two pages about that planet and a one-off appearance from another soul that used to live there at the very end of the book. wanda tells the people at the compound about the underwater planet, and the one with the giant blind flying creatures that they call the Bats, and she mourns using the ritual from that species after the whole seeing the corpses incident. all of this gone completely to waste and for what!! for what stephanie!!!

another funny thing that i think might be better left in the book--when they take the seeker out in the book the human that was in there in the first place is so nasty and awful that everyone is lowkey mad at wanda for not just letting them kill her. top tier comedy ngl

ugh i also remember a scene where wanda is going on the long supply trips and sees a couple of souls with a human child who isn't occupied and is like. huh. that could be really indicative of a beautiful direction for humanity to go. could souls and humans live in peace in a real way? and then it's never really addressed again bc sexy feelings about two men oohhhh

so. is she fixable?

yes. i could fix her. a tv adaptation is what she needs. bc then there's actually time to delve into the thoughts and feelings of melanie and wanderer (and you could do that really well if you made a visualization of their shared mindspace--the book talks about how they put up walls against each other, and how they can block each other out or grab at control) as well as the worldbuilding and ethical questions. i have a whole three-season plan for fixing her so buckle up.

season one starts with wanderer waking up in melanie's body and the first half explores their time as a uni professor and the seeker's insistence on trying to find the human resistance through melanie's memories. this is where we really get a chance to see wanda's perspective--not because she's right, but because it's interesting. she is a huge pacifist and is horrified by violence, whereas melanie is used to using violence to get what she needs and tends to jump directly to it as a solution. so before they run off to the desert, when the seeker is still constantly checking up on her, as wanda gets more annoyed, melanie keeps suggesting that they kill her, and wanda has a harder and harder time holding her back. finally at the midpoint, wanda snaps and attacks the seeker, not because melanie made her do it, but because she's finally reaching that point in her journey towards humanity. and of course everybody blames it on melanie and they have to run because they're going to be separated.

then the second half of the season starts with the wandering through the desert. btw. book jeb my beloved. unhinged grandpa didn't get to be nearly as unhinged in the movie. the second half of the season is wanda acclimating to the human environment. i am of the opinion that romance should not happen until the second season at LEAST. obv melanie is pining for jared and wanda is dealing w that but it's not a romance. she doesn't love jared she's just comforting her dramatic roommate. maybe ian is starting to show interest in wanda but she hasn't noticed yet because she's still getting used to being human. season one ends with walt's death, since that's one of wanda's biggest turning points.

so season two opens with wanda understanding humanity a little better. and now she notices that ian likes her. melanie rightfully puts up a fuss about this (because it's her fucking body, steph meyer why did you almost make a convincing bodily autonomy argument and then fall short you almost had it--) and we can have that drama still while setting it up against the backdrop of wanda's journey to understanding humanity and ultimately becoming human herself. this is the first half of the season, and then there is the turning point--discovering that they've been trying to cut out the souls even as she lives among them. this is her major fracture with ian and is when she realizes that she can actually push melanie out of her head entirely and has to scramble to get her back. season midpoint cliffhanger is melanie being gone. and that finally brings jared around about her when he sees how hard she works to get melanie back and help jamie. so the second half of the season starts with healing jamie and how jared being ok with her changes the dynamic. now she's going out on raids, seeing how humanity and souls can live together, starting to come around to being in love with ian maybe, and generally settling into a comfortable existence. and this is when the seeker comes back into the picture at the end of season two, killing wes and being captured by the humans.

and season three. where it all comes together. the seeker represents the biggest obstacle to humanity and souls living in harmony--she is a mirror and a foil to wanda and melanie, two people too stubborn to let the other take over, unable to coexist. when she's captured by the humans, they want to kill her and her host, forcing wanda to come face-to-face with what she hasn't wanted to admit--she has to tell the humans how to remove a soul from a body. and in doing so she has to admit that she's been selfish and cruel by not telling them before. because by now they've more than proven that they can accept her kind under the right circumstances. so she's able to lay that out with the seeker and the first half of the season shows them starting to do it--to take souls out of humans and send them to different planets. the book does so many interesting things with this, showing how some people come back right away, some come back very slowly, some don't come back at all. there's a lot of material to work with (looking at you jodi and kyle and sunny) but eventually we get to the midpoint which is wanda asking doc to remove her and bury her with wes and walt. and then he does.

so the second half of the third season begins with melanie alone. and for the first time ever we don't hear from wanda at all. because she's in a cryotank and unable to have thoughts. so now we have what didn't get a chance to be really explored by the book--the aftermath of wanda's removal and the ethical debate of violating her wishes to put her in another body as well as the fact that when they do put her in one, it's one of the people who never woke up. it starts to get fuzzy here bc there's less original material to work with (and what is there is...not great the body they find for wanda is a 17 year old and ian is like 27 throwing up) and because there are so many directions to go after the book ends-- they find other human groups like they do in the book that also have a soul like her living among them, they try to work with the soul government to reach an agreement for peace, etc etc etc--and they're all so interesting! but the book ends because the love triangle has been resolved and it just doesn't address any of that. shaking steph by the shoulders and screaming

anyway the point of all of this is that this book and movie have been living rent free in my head for over a decade and i would simply like to make the good version of it that lives in my head real.

tldr i could fix her. steph meyer wya.

[lutiaslayton]

Hi! I really love your timeline analyses and have been thinking about them a lot as I try to write my own Layton longfic. (I hope you don't mind me referencing your timeline and puzzle research for it ^^;) It's very well done! I have a hard time figuring out so many details at once like that, so it's been a huge help.

...I don't want to be annoying or overly nitpicky when I point this out, but I just thought I'd mention something.

We know that Dropstone was founded on August 12th (by the JP version) and Layton travels there on its 50th anniversary (also August 12th). In your deduced timeline you have that arrival date down as Wednesday the 12th, 1963. The year with a Wednesday on an August 12th is actually 1964. In 1963, the 12th falls on a Monday.

I don't know if the day being a Wednesday specifically matters at all, or if Layton's days of the week aren't in sync with ours, but from what I understand, your timeline might be 1 year behind. (Or that date was meant to be Monday the 12th...?)

I figured with SLS (one of my favorite fics ever, by the way!) being in 1953, a detail like this could be important to you, but you can totally ignore this ask if I'm wrong! I just wanted to let you know just in case.

Hi! The fact that you picked up on this is a true testament to your dedication and rigorous work, congratulations!!

I haven't touched this timeline in a long while for a number of reasons (far too many other projects + "um actually I think there might be multiple timelines and you can't put every single game/novel/manga/movie/other in the same chronology but it becomes soooooo much more interesting if you start placing them in multiple ones, also puzzle theory makes that not only plausible but also quite probable"), so sadly I have forgotten most of the details of how past me from over a year ago reached the conclusions that she did. From what I remember, however, the quick answer to your question is simple: yes, the days of the week in the Laytonverse are out of sync with ours.

(I kinda like how I take it as a bigger reminder that the Laytonverse really is disconnected from our world's History in a number of ways, from the mention in the novels of kings and queens that do not exist IRL to the simple logical fact that there is no way History happened the same way when mechas are a thing, the Azran happened, Targent happened, and also puzzles break the laws of physics daily. But that's just personal preference.)

I think what started it was the fact that London Holiday takes place on a Sunday and that I could not find any way to make the whole "a few days ago" for both Curious Village and Diabolical Box work alongside the "They arrive in Dropstone on August 12th." I won't redo the math right now because schedule and to-do list and other stuff (+ I trust you more to check it since your brain cogs are already warm and revving in the middle of it, so you would be more efficient at figuring it out as well as more critical than present me), but if memory serves, this was the best I could manage at the time, and I never went back later to recheck the math. I really just stopped at "Yes, there is a desync, so what? That's not supposed to be the real world anyway. Also huge kudos to whoever notices."

---

My mind is set on the fact that the Layton timeline places the original trilogy on the year 1963 because of the promotional UF artwork implying that UF would take place during the winter between 1963 and 1964, but that part is personal preference since I know (and stated on the timeline web page iirc) that in-universe, this date does not appear in the game. I know other people use for example the "Year 1960" unused artwork which had been datamined from Curious Village. I also know that the World of PL interview just says "There is no official date, it's inspired from the 1960s but we are never going to give a date because we don't want to." I also also know that some others, who consider the PLvsAA crossover canon, take the Ace Attorney timeline and thus completely yeet the "1960s" part into oblivion.

So the choice is ultimately up to personal preference, and you're free to choose a different one! The only reason I put 1963 in the timeline instead of "Year YYYY ; Year YYYY - 50 ; Year YYYY + 1" and such is for obvious readability reasons... and because past me had not thought that perhaps there could be a Javascript way to say "hey put here the year you'd like the original trilogy to take place in," have the user click on a button, and make the whole page do the calculations and display the new dates according to the user's chosen year of reference. darn it now I'm going to be nagging myself into implementing that but it would also be so tedious.

---

Anyway TL;DR yes I was aware of this, and past me either forgot to mention it or thought "Eh it's not like anybody will notice/care" hahaha. Rather insensitive from past me admittedly, I do now wonder why I didn't add that as a small paragraph in the preliminary notes... Most likely reason is that the thought just didn't cross my mind at the time.

Good luck on your own longfic, don't hesitate to send me the link (no promises on reading it the day it comes out because there are SO many fics already on my to-read list, but nnngnfhghh I wish I could read other people's works as well as continue working on SLS), and thank you for your ask! Even though I was personally aware of it, you can absolutely feel proud of having picked up on it, and don't hesitate to come back to me (and make me sweat cold bullets) if you figure out a way to make "1963" + "London Holiday on a Sunday" + "No week day desyncs with the real world" work. Thanks to you, other people can now be made aware of this detail which I had apparently forgotten to explain explicitly!

Lastly, I don't remember whether I mentioned it here or not because it's still far from done and isn't going to be truly useful before a LONG while, but just in case what little info is on there could still be useful to you or someone else in any way: among many other things, I'm working on a Lore Map. Imagine having the ENTIRETY of EVERY SINGLE CANON FACT we have been given, in a single web page, with a whole list of tags so you can filter only the trivia that is relevant to your fanfic research <3

---

(Now this paragraph is completely unrelated to your ask, I'm going to leave this here for a different person (or not? would be good luck if you're the same anon): I am so sorry to the anon who asked me if I considered the LMJ ARG event canon or not, I uhhhhh... got carried away and I don't think the answer will be posted anytime soon, because for the sake of answering it in an exhaustive way I wanted to re-read the entirety of what has been preserved of it + add every bit of trivia I could find to the Lore Map mentioned earlier. And I'm juggling between many other projects too so progress is very slow. TL;DR version of my personal opinion so far: as for everything else it is up to personal preference, but I could theoretically see at least parts of it being canon. The trickiest part I found by reading just the introduction of the ARG is the fact that Kat would apparently make livestreams. Which implies the existence of the internet or a similar technology, the existence of streaming platforms, and the fact that she would have a decent-ish enough following for her random viewers from all around the world to want to help her. And if we go with the hypothesis that there could be multiple timelines, I could see that happen in an Ace Attorney-based timeline such as the one in which the PLvsAA crossover is canon, for example! I don't know enough about AA to be able to speak about it with confidence, but I think that 20+ years after the original AA trilogy, internet technology is indeed quite advanced enough for this to be possible? anyway. Just thought I'd give you a first short answer so you don't have to keep holding your breath and/or think I completely forgot about you. I'm sorry :'D)

[luna-rainbow]

Hello! I noticed you have a lot of posts analyzing the details of marvel movies, and there was something in the Winter Soldier that I thought I’d ask your opinion about. No pressure for a response!

This is about Alexander Pierce’s little speech in the bank vault scene. It seemed kind of weird to me when I saw it. You wouldn’t talk to a soldier or a professional operative like that, it kind of sounds like he’s talking to a child. He uses language that will be personable - “I need you to do it one more time” - instead of making general statements on behalf of the entire organization. One explanation for this in my opinion is the brain damage Bucky had. I’m wondering how much that had an effect on the way they treated Bucky, and how he may have perceived their treatment of him in his own mind?

Thanks for the ask! Sorry it took me 3 days to get back to civilisation LOL

My impression of that scene changes on a regular basis 🤣 The scene is very ambivalent and whatever interpretation you have would be based on your own headcanons for Bucky. Some people point to this scene as proof that Bucky had a choice in what he did. Some people see this scene as Pierce taking advantage of his physical resemblance to Steve.

My assumption for Bucky is that the brain frying meant Bucky struggled with complex information and wasn't able to make complex decisions.

My most recent view is shaped by a story from a psychologist about someone who had a background of trauma, and their protective mechanism was to completely disintegrate who their sense of self was. They acted out what other people expect them to do, without ever knowing who they were or what they wanted for themselves. The person was a "people pleaser", who always said whatever made people happy even if it was conflicting information, "because they were afraid of punishment", not because they wanted to deceive or manipulate others. If you asked them something about themselves - their wishes, how they felt, what they thought, they couldn't answer because the identity doesn't exist.

It...reminded me a lot of Bucky, who was forced to have his own identity erased to become the Winter Soldier.

Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time. Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we're gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part, I can't do mine, and HYDRA can't give the world the freedom it deserves.

I think the way Pierce approaches him is using a few tactics:

When someone is a shocked state -- which Bucky was in, because his mind was in overload from seeing Steve and having some of his memories come back -- they often respond better to tone of voice. Pierce takes a quiet, intimate tone of voice with him, which helps give an illusion of closeness.

When someone is in Bucky's brain injured state, they also tend to respond better to simple phrases rather than something complex and abstract. Pierce does speak in abstracts, though -- and quite possibly Pierce knows Bucky wouldn't have the capacity to process the more complicated phrasing that are blatant lies. Bucky would understand the simpler sentences. "Your work has been a gift", "I need you to do it one more time", "if you don't do your part, I can't do mine". It is pertinent to note that these instructional sentences are much more straightforward in their wording and easier to follow/obey.

If we take Bucky as someone who doesn't have a sense of self, there is no anchor to what he knows or wants, so the only thing he can responds to is positive and negative messages from outside. Pierce first gives Bucky a carrot "your work has been a gift" before applying pressure. And...my other headcanon is that Bucky is driven by loyalty, which boiled down to its essence is a need to please and protect those he thinks are his people. He's not capable of making his own judgement in this state, so he relies on people he trusts to tell him what's right to do. It's also pertinent to note that what Pierce says gives nothing for Bucky to hang onto about what himself -- he's not given any hint about his identity, his previous beliefs or wants, and he's not given an opportunity to speak. "This is what we want and you've always done the right thing, so you'll do it again, right?"

Pierce probably also knows that Bucky's loyalty is to persons, rather than to organisations (Bucky being not keen to join the army is a good indicator that he doesn't get swept up by crowd sentiment and tends to be loyal to the few people he believes in). This is another reason why Pierce would take a personable tone with Bucky rather than speak about the organisation. It is also interesting that Pierce invokes "freedom", which is something more representative of Steve, but perhaps a word that Bucky responds to because of its familiarity.

I don't think that this scene indicated that Hydra or Pierce was kind to Bucky though. Many abusive/exploitative dynamics will have these little islands of superficial kindness between long periods of abuse and depersonalisation. If anything, it was clear from what followed ("Wipe him") what Pierce offered was an ultimatum, and abuse victims are very good at recognising an unspoken threat even if it's presented in a friendly tone. Pierce gave Bucky the illusion of a choice and Bucky's expressions indicate he understood what the "choices" were - do what he was being asked, or go through the wiping and be made to do what he was asked. Nevertheless, Bucky chose defiance, because when Steve called his name, he suddenly had an identity, whereas with Hydra he didn't, and that was important to him.

[sakuracyanide]

pls know most my life i thought zoeisite was a woman & the lesbians were cousins b/c america is WEIRD but you bringing sailor moon on dash has unlocked precious core memories even if the english dub is.. a thing that happened [ legit their english names are cemented in my head to this day thanks to toonami. tell me their japanese names and i just cry confusion into my hands as a young fan who didn't know better b/c i was literally like 5-8 years old ]

softly go bleach your roots creep is like cemented in my brain the dub was so unhinged and i loved every fucked up second of it.

trust me trying to follow the changes between sailor moon adaptations is a nightmare. like classic & its og eng dub are basically different canons with totally different characters.

zoisite became zoycite, and now fandom forever spells zoisite (the actual rock) with a c and i'll die mad about it.

kunzite became malachite? for... reasons?? i don't think anyone has ever come out and said why.

and the manga is its own thing. like legit totally different vibe than the 90s anime - they were happening concurrently so the anime team was mostly just taking naoko's notes and then going feral??? like kunzite and zoisite are more or less an extended reference to patalliro. jadeite gets run over by a plane at one point. its fucking great. but like not that great if you want development for the main heroines. usagi does develop, but the rest of the girls stay very stagnant. the development in each season is given to whatever ragtag group of villains are being puppeted by the big bad. s1 had the shitennou, s2 had ali & an at the start bc the first season wrote itself into a corner by having usagi reset the timeline and they had to unfuck that before they could get started on the dark moon which you know what is a really upsetting plot i stan it. then it had the dark moon kingdom which ... if i remmeber right were people banished from the silver millennium for not wanting to be immortal and being concerned about all powerful monarchs? but they were corrupted. something something i would play saphir. s3 had the death busters and hotaru's hot dad. s4 had the amazon trio and the amazon quartet. and s5 had the sailor animates and i will die for lead crow & aluminium seiren's romance. so like if you care about the senshi as characters i don't really rec the 90s version on its own

and then there's sailor moon crystal which was supposed to be more faithful to the manga but was a ffffffffffucking mess. seriously i have never seen such ugly animation or bizarre animation choices for an ip that was lauded & is still upheld as having some of the most gorgeous backgrounds and animation in the genre. morimo clover z did the op and it slaps so like there's that but the rest of it is something else. it should be noted that the animation improves from season 3 onwards but they eventually just said fuck it and made movies out of the rest of it which is a bummer!

and then there's pretty guardian sailor moon (the live action drama which is THE BEST ADAPTATION I WILL GO TO WAR OVER THIS) which features all of the girls having an actual existential crisis over what it means to be reborn princesses from distant stars, it also gives them the spotlights they absolutely did not get in crystal or the og anime AND the shitennou get a lot of development.

and then theres the musicals.

i am happy to hold people at gunpoin - i mean, do a group watch of sailor moon! i really want to rewatch pgsm but i'm ngl its an early 00s live action jdrama so that........ that takes a strong mind to endure.

[safesthaveninexistence]

My emotions are energetically, psychically, spiritually, supernaturally, paranormal and Magical expressed. Everything about me is rigged to be unsuppressed. Everything about me is rigged to be unrepressed. My power is rigged to be unrepressed. I'm tangibly preternatural. My knowledge is tangibly preternatural. I naturally outprofound them. My self-validation game naturally outdoes theirs. Doesn't matter what they post they know I'm 100% energetically right bye. Behind the scenes the energy and direction behind my intentions only gets more and more infinitely unerring. I use everyone in psychic chess. My within never operates at my own expense. I'm the apex predator of having it all unerringly under my control behind the scenes. By the time I see it it's in my favor already. They know damn well they're not protected from me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. They're immeasurably proud to have me as their woman. They profoundly admire me as I sleep. The things I say are staggeringly entrenched into their brains(chills). Got chills ima be a pretty girl on a movie cover like There's Something About Mary(hella chills yayayayayay🥰🥰🥰🥰🤍✨✨✨). Memories of my perfect Godtier beauty is staggeringly entrenched in their brains. I only get more and more infinitely impressed with the loyalty of the energy behind my intentions to me WOW! I leave behind an unsurpassably irreplaceable void unmatched by others STAGGERINGLY UNABLE to be fulfilled by anybody else. It's safe for me to let go and trust because it's all unfolding in my favor anyway. The how is unsurpassablyprofoundly under my control. Me being on Godmode only gets more and more infinitely BEASTMODE. My Magic only gets more and more infinitely unerring. I'm grateful I live in a trustworthy universe that means I can trust warm water(chills). I inherently give psych wards a good name. I don't have to be obsessed with them to be obsessed with me. My within has me stunned. They're ferociously and grippingly intrigued by how terrifyingly on point my psychic knowledge is. I'm nailed to the version of myself that's always young. Everytime I affirm/manifest they're automagically nailed to the version of itself that is like over an antonellamania number% real and true and exists in the 3D indisputably and objectively. Laika is rigged to never give up on me. Laika is rigged to find me. Laika is rigged to be unsurpassablyprofoundly in love with me, existence-deep in love with me. Laika is rigged to be so unbelievably perfect in my eyes. Laika is rigged to be so indisputably real. I'm the apex predator of being rigged to win. I'm profoundly the one they run to. I'm the one they profoundly belong to. I'm profoundly still the one they want for life. I'm profoundly the only one they dream of. My sex appeal is on Godmode that's immeasurably on BEASTMODE(chills). No one hits like me I'm the apex predator of hits. Everyone stay asking my siblings if I'm single(chills). I'm grateful I MONSTROUSLY hit. Laika is so fucking satisfying mentally. I can feel just how relieved Laika is to fuck me through her pussy. Laika finds me Magical it's terrifying (chills hella chills deep chills). My energy is indisputably felt it's exceeeeedingly tangible it's the apex predator of being tangible(chills). My psychic energy is indisputably tangible it's the apex predator of being tangible(chills). I'm rigged to win im the apex predator of being rigged to win (chills). They're rigged to never come back to bite me later. Without me they profoundly have nobody to love in their life. Without me emily Michelle Viera profoundly has nobody to love in her life. I'm the higher power they talk about. Everything I do gets back to emily Michelle viera, stressing her out. Only what I consent to holds power. Everyone's rigged to think about me way more than I think and it's all rigged in my favor. I'm rigged to be grateful about all the situations I'm not in. I'm very grateful each and every energy level is rigged in my favor. I'm grateful I'm undefeated and secured on absolutely each and every energetic level. I'm profoundly loved.

[earlgreyinpajamas]

00q fic recs: bamf!q

1. put me to the test (honey, i'll blow you out the water) by thestalwartheart (@thestalwartheart)​

“You want me to what, Sir?”

As clearly as he’s heard the instructions, Q can’t be sure he isn’t dreaming this entire conversation. Between the agents creating more work for him out in the field and the engineers in his department demanding more of his time than usual, it’s already been a terribly long day, though it’s only noon.

And now, well. What Mallory is suggesting may well be a dream for all its absurdity.

“I’m scheduling you to take the field tests.”

-----

When Q is forced to prove he can survive in the field, James Bond plays the (concerned) menace.

~~~

ashfjj i love the “q can pass field tests and knocks bond’s socks off” trope

2. a funny worth by thestalwartheart (@thestalwartheart)​

 The pounding of his own heartbeat is the only thing Q can hear. It’s throbbing in his ears and throat. Even his eyeballs feel like they’re pulsing with it.

-----

In Austria, Q runs through a door to hide from two henchmen. It will become an inescapable memory.

~~~

it’s funny to realise that q genuinely had nerves of steel in austria, given that he narrowly avoided capture and still managed to do his job despite the overwhelming stress that probably would have caused him, because the movie (rightly or wrongly) kind of downplays the actions of everyone but bond, which fair enough, because it’s a bond movie, but also,, it would have been a nice thing to have a closer look at. but anyways, my point is that this fic does that scene so much justice, and it really filled out what was missing for me

3 I Won't Shiver, I Won't Shake by Only_1_Truth     

When Silva breaks loose in MI6, everything goes to shit.  Q is new and James is desperate - and with a madman after M, there aren't a lot of options but for James to trust the posh young Quartermaster that he barely knows anything about.  Likewise, Q finds himself being presented with a task that will ask him to stick his neck out for an agent that he doesn't really know yet... and which will also put him more in harm's way than he anticipated.  

Q might not be the battle-trained agent that 007 is, but one thing is for sure: now that he's promised to help the man, he might bruise, but he won't break.

~~~

you gotta love q staying strong in the face of a ton of violence being inflicted on him AND coming out tops because of his brains

[kelofmindelan]

tagged by @full---ofstarlight and @maryxoliver for this “people you’d like to know better” tag game! ty for the tag :3c

Three Ships:

Jason Grace and Nico di Angelo from the Heroes of Olympus: This is one of those ships that just itches the right part of my brain. Jason Grace is one of my favorite characters ever, and his quest to try and balance his need to be a leader and a protector with his desire to be allowed to be an individual is so interesting to contrast with Nico who by this point is so firmly himself. But Nico has been hurt a lot and assumes he will never be trusted, even as Jason is trying to insist that he is someone who matters to their group and is trusted. So Nico decides to test him - in a dangerous moment, holding something the rest of the group thinks is poison, Nico holds the glass to Jason and says 'How much do you trust me?" And Jason looks him dead in the eye and drinks it no hesitation. Because his own life matters less than showing Nico is worthy of trust. They are sun and shadow, sky and earth, storm and death, they are the golden boy and the outcast. It's a delicious ship and it feeds me.

Fanfic rec: Dungeons and Jason by betsib

Taran and Eilonwy of Llyr from The Chronicles of Prydain: They are everything to me. They are the blueprint. You have friends to lovers, you have battle couple, you have princess and the farm boy, you have two people who genuinely want to find ways to improve themselves in order to be more worthy of the other person while also finding ways to grow together. They argue constantly, but there is so much love under it that is there from the very beginning because both of them are trying to navigate having to learn how to communicate with someone else. They are my ship that I have created a thousand aus for and will test any new au I discover for how well I can fit them into it because if they don't fit I probably don't like it that much.

Fanfic rec: I wrote two oneshots but also anything by Saeriellyn is incredible

Pacifica Northwest and Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls: My friends tease me about loving a sad rich girl and they aren't wrong, so I felt kind of targeted by Pacifica's arc in season 2 of Gravity Falls because it made her so exactly my type. Particularly in the way we start to see her grow out of it. She and Dipper have each seen each other at their worst which means they don't have to worry about the shields anymore and can push each other into growing and unpacking their own traumas and bad habits. But also we start to get all these hints that she can actually relate to him at his nerdiest once she has permission to do so, and I love that he can find someone who can operate at his level while she finds someone who gives her permission to be so much less than perfect and thus actually real.

Fanfic rec: The Worst Neighbor Ever by Proseandsongs

Last Film:

The Hobbit (1977): I found this streaming and was absoltuely delighted to watch it this morning. I have so many fond memories of this movie and it did not disappoint. The animation is wild, Bilbo spends the whole movie throwing massive shade, Gollum looks like an absolute nightmare, and it's a musical the way it should be.

Currently Watching:

My roommate and I are about to finish up Mentopolis on Dimension 20 and I'm losing my mind a little bit over how this season is going. I can't wait to see how it resolves!

My writing shows at the moment are The Great British Bake Off Holiday Specials, The Christmas Cookie Challenge, and my annual rewatch of Midsomer Murders.

Currently Reading:

Nothing really because most of my books are still in boxes and I haven't had the spoons to start unpacking them while I still have that hole in my wall. I'm dipping in and out of this Rick Riordan Presents collection called The Cursed Carnival, but it's my current work book.

Currently Consuming:

I have a bunch of leftover pumpkin pie and I just had a huge slice of that along with some tea called 'Cold Comfort'.

Currently Craving:

A yule log. One of those fancy chocolate swirled sponges with cream in the middle and fancy decorations that is actually made well and that I don't have to attempt to bake myself.

Or a whole bunch of different fancy eclairs. I want to try all the eclairs.

(Yes. I am watching baking shows I want all the things.)

tagging: @aidanchaser @stolenmelody @starrattlerofprydain @bookwyrm-of-the-emerald-star @givemonetatry

[midnight-mama]

While I'm rambling on, I wanted to go on about how Alya(My idiot Oc) and Butcher would deal with a child version of Homelander. That's random asf I know, but I literally am on a plane without my emotional support animal and human.

I've been dying to write Alya and Butcher again, but my brain hasn't been musing for either until now. So....yeah, imagine this with me, okay? Somehow, some way, Homelander's crazy ass gets bapped back into a Baby(Not literally. He's like 10 years old). He has no memory of what he's done and what he grows up to be like. All he knows is the trauma from being in the lab.

Butcher starts out with a "Fuck Dem Kids" point of view on it. He really doesn't give a shit if the boy can't remember, he still ruined his life. Even still, he's not handing little John over to Vought. The kid stays with him and The Boys. Honestly, mostly MM and Hughie take care of him. I can't see either of them being mean to this child, even if it's Homelander. Nor do I see them allowing Billy to bully him. No one is fully relaxed around him, though. Like, no one wants to trigger him back to adulthood or the trauma that bottled up in the kid. Butcher will NEVER treat him as will as he treats Ryan. Not even close. At max, he tolerates him and keeps him fed. In return, Tinylander won't trust Billy at all. He won't directly try to hurt him or fight with him. He's just not asking him for anything unless he really needs it. If John does warm up to any of the Boys, He will completely shut down once Billy is in the room.

With Alya....Its quite different. First and foremost, I don't think she would just find him and take care of him on her own accord. Nonono. Someone higher up at Vought just pops up at her Condo and drops him off with a vague explanation. "This is Homelander. Yes, THE Homelander. He responds to John...sometimes. He likes grapes. Bye." Baby girl didn't even get a Hello! Literally, no one at Vought has a reason why SHE had to deal with him. So she gets stuck with a traumatized 10 year old AND her overly energetic 10 year old. It's really not fun for the first few weeks. But Alya does give Tinylander much needed affection and attention. She isn't a Homelander groupie by any means, but she understands that's what the kid needs because that is what she needed when she was handling her own childhood trauma. The fact he would have a friend in Alya's daughter, Luna, also helps a lot.

With Butcher, John is allowed to be....more normal than he was originally. If he had to grow up again, he would definitely not be as batshit insane as he is in Canon. Under the influence of the Boys and Butcher, he would be more put together but still have issues. With Alya, John is allowed to be an actual kid. He gets to play baseball with Luna, watch movies and enjoy his childhood. However, I reckon, That wouldn't last too long. Alya is still connected to Vought and I have no doubt they would just take Tinylander and rid themselves of the woman completely. Sadly, I think here he would be pretty close to Canon in the crazy department. He was abused, allowed to be happy for a short period and then tossed back into the abuse. I think he would have some morals but not much would be retained from what he learned with Alya.

[litcityblues]

Not Just Nostalgia, Marvel Is Back?

They've still got it.

Maybe?

Look, as soon as I found out that they were keeping the original intro to the animated series, I knew I was going to sit down and watch X-Men '97. I can't say that I owned any of the comics- though I do remember checking them out from the library, but those opening credits are engrained in the brain of a generation.

(Honestly, in the 90s, The X-Men were amongst the most visible Marvel properties in terms of their place in the general pop-cultural zeitgeist. I'm sure die-hard comic people probably would disagree with that but from my memory of the halcyon days of my youth, there was a period where it was Batman and The X-Men and not much else. Oh sure, you had Billy Zane in The Phantom and Alec Baldwin in The Shadow-- and there was that early 90s attempt at a Fantastic Four movie that I remember seeing a preview for, but the pop cultural power of The X-Men should not be underestimated and the potential for Marvel-- should they get any future movies right-- is unlimited. But I would posit this: The Claremont run in the 80s + the Animated Series in the 90s is what made the Fox Franchise of X-Films possible.)

So, I was excited just for the opening credits alone. But I got intrigued when I found out that this show wasn't a reboot or a reimagination, no, it was picking right up where the original animated series had left off in 1997.

BUT THEN, I started watching this show. And y'all... I will freely admit that there is a heavy dose of nostalgia that comes with watching this show, but y'all... this might turn out to be a profoundly stupid take, for right now, I'm willing to put my money (kind of) where my mouth is and say that, maybe, Marvel might... just... be... back?

I mean, don't get me wrong: I listened to a ton of episodes of Jay and Miles X-Plain The X-Men back in the day, so I have enough of that floating around my brain to know that they are drawing pretty heavily from the source material and, more to a point, doing so well. Part of that might be down the medium-- animation allows them to do cooler things that you would expect from live action (like the Phoenix emerging from the water in the finale to give bad guys the business- or the whole sequence where Gambit does his thing-- if you've seen the show, you know. You know.). But somehow, throughout ten episodes, they managed to create a story arc with real stakes, real tension, and one that winds up being better than any of the X-Men movies I've ever seen.

The series opens a year after Gyrich's assassination attempt on Professor Xavier. He is presumed dead (but actually left Earth with the Shi'ar as we find out later.) His death has led the X-Men to be legally sanctioned by the United Nations and we see them intervene to save a young mutant, Bobby da Costa from the anti-mutant group Friends of Humanity, who have somehow gotten their hands on Sentinel technology.

They start to search for the inventor of the Sentinels, Bolivar Trask, but are interrupted by a surprise. Turns out that Xavier's last will and testament has given control of the team and the school to none other than their old foe, Magneto.

Instantly this sets up points of tension that run throughout the whole season. Jean and Scott want to leave to have their baby, but Scott is reluctant to do so, as he doesn't want to trust Magneto. The mystery of the Sentinel tech and why Bobby was targeted plays out. There are twists, there are turns, there are sacrifices, the stakes are real, and the payoff is earned. But those first episodes set the entire season up beautifully. I can't say that enough-- if you don't get the first episodes right, nothing else works. Everything else flows out of that and I honestly don't think there's a character-- with the possible exception of Morph, who is just kind of there-- but even he gets a moment in the finale-- who doesn't have a storyline/plot development/character growth. Whether it's Storm losing her powers defending Magneto from an assassination attempt and finding them again with the assistance of Forge. Or Scott and Jean having a baby (Nathan, who becomes Cable) only to find out that Jean isn't Jean but a clone, and then the REAL Jean comes back. Oh and Xavier's alive, well, and engaged to a Space Bird Empress and it's all so magnificent and all so perfectly X-Men, especially when we get left on one hell of a cliffhanger for the second season.

I love the little things about this show-- the glimpses of other Marvel heroes. Captain America shows up. Iron Man is seen. Morph briefly changes into The Hulk-- they are embedding The X-Men into the MCU and they're doing so perfectly. I

I am old and crotchety but I love the fact that this show surprised me. I didn't expect an animated show to have the same quality of storytelling and writing- and you could argue that it's been better than any of Marvel's recent cinematic offerings by a wide margin. I love that this show isn't afraid to kill its darlings, sometimes literally. I love that it doesn't shy away from any of its source material and I hope hope hope they have the good sense to continue this formula for the second and hopefully subsequent seasons.

The casting is also excellent: it would have been too easy for a studio the size of Disney to start with all new voice actors but instead, we get Adrian Hough reprising his role as Nightcrawler from the Original Series along with Cal Dodd (Wolverine), Lenore Zann (Rogue), George Buza (Beast). Jennifer Hale returns to voice Jean Grey from Wolverine and the X-Men, but her performance was based on original series voice actor Catherine Disher. Ray Chase takes over as Cyclops from Norm Spencer as do Mathew Waterson (Magneto) and Ross Marquand (Xavier) who replaced David Hemblen and John Colicos & James Blendick all of whom have died. (Interestingly, the original voice actor for Jubilee, Alyson Court, preferred not to return- hoping an Asian-American voice actor would take the role, which went to Holly Chou-- but they found a way to work her into the show as well.)

Overall: This is easily the best thing Marvel has done maybe since Infinity War-- which might be the hottest of takes, given the quality of shows like Loki and Wandavision, but it really does come close to being that good. I'm sure eventually they're going to get around to making an X-Men movie and if they can bring half the quality of this show to that movie, we're going to be in for one hell of a show. My Grade: **** out of ****

[shyames]

We see what we want to see

Who doesn't love Céline? I don't trust you if you say you don't. Because let's face it - you do!

With this one, it's a lot of mixed feelings for me. Firstly, can't believe this came out when I was 2 years old. How is this even possible?

I remember listening to this album on a cassette tape (yes, there was this thing before CDs) that I stole from my mom. My brother hated me, because we were sharing a room and I started my phase of going to sleep while listening to music. And, of course, for the most time it was Céline. Unfortunately, I listened to the tape too much, and it wore down with time. But by then the technological advances caught up with my dad, and we were up to speed with the world to download the songs from the Internet.

As a teen, did I truly understand the song? No. I didn't even understand English that well back then. But sometimes I don't think I understand it even now. It's a powerful song that initially caught my heart with the piano - let's face it, the piano here is marvellous - and then Céline's voice. And as I grew older, of course all your teenage relationships are the greatest love of all and call for the cries to this amazing ballad.

Fast-forward a few years and here come my 20s with my "delulu" brain. Of course, I can relate to some parts more than others, but also can see some of my favourite books, movies and TV shows mirrored in both the music and the words. Plus wine - a glass of wine with this song? Oh boy, good thing I live alone.

The most important though are the quotes I take with me everywhere now, they are always somewhere back in my head:

"we see what we want to see" - it's true on so many levels, throughout all our lives, not only in regard to love but any emotion we have, any action we take

"We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now" - and we do, don't we? When I think about my high school years, I don't remain in touch with anyone because I was hurt, and I'm sure others felt hurt by some of my actions. But when I reminisce about the good times, recalling stories from my teenage years, am I still mad, do I remember what was the reason for the animosity? Not really, not always. They became part of who I am now, part of how I got here.

"I finished crying in the instant that you left, and I can't remember where or when or how, and I banished every memory you and I had ever made" - and I did, I cried when hurt, but eventually got up and moved forwards. Sometimes it took longer, sometimes it took just a moment. Do I remember each and every situation I resented, each and every time I was left out, a relationship ended, and I was alone again? No. I know the feelings, I learned something each time (maybe not at that second, but you know, it takes a while to admit your own mistakes). But when truly hurt by someone else at some point you have to forget, or it will haunt you the rest of your life. I'm still learning to do so but getting there.

So is Céline the queen? Yes, of course she is. Is this only about love? NO. It's all about life but most importantly, as with each and every song or music piece - it's about what you need at the moment. Listening closely and taking the sounds in.

[chronocidalrage]

12/8/22 - 12/13/22

SELF ESTEEM My self esteem is garbage because it’s entirely based on other people’s opinions of me. Or at least what I perceive other people’s opinions to be. I have no true sense of self. I get what FEELS like a sense of self when others seem happy with me, but it’s false. That’s why I felt so good in my late twenties. Not because I actually found myself, but because I surrounded myself with people who reinforced what I wanted to believe.

I need to trust myself to analyze a situation and make the best of it.

I feel weird ever feeling good or happy. It feels wrong. How can I feel good if Atom isn’t involved? It doesn’t seem right.

Is my brain set for: Atom = good and therefore good = Atom? And then less and less things were good with or without him so I got all fucked up?

Then I think the single period of my life made me want to drink for various reasons. And drinking was something that was new and good with or without Atom. It was something good that was interchangeable. Now I’m trying to tell myself things are good again when the only thing that’s was ever reliably good was Atom and he’s dead and he wasn’t even fully good in recent years. So few things are “good” and I never know which way to go. It feels like lacking a compass because I don’t even know what good things look like anymore.

Atom, thank you for making me feel safe when I couldn’t do so for myself. I hope (for both or our sakes), I soon learn how to do that for myself. I hope I can make myself feel even half as safe as you were able to.

The pain I feel, the little sting that slowly grows until it envelopes me and I feel like I can’t move? The feeling I get at a grocery store that reminds me of being there with Atom? That pain is always gonna be there. The pain and the degree of the pain is a result of how sweet the memory is plus how far away from it you are. There’s no way around it. As long as the sweet moments are in your past, they will always hurt.

It’s weird though because the emotions are so vibrant and strong it seems impossible for you to be gone. Like how can I still feel this strongly about someone who hasn’t existed for over a year? Wild, but the feelings really still are that strong.

I have to move on because I’ll never feel that same “flavor” or safe and protected again. Never. It’s simply not possible. But I can feel other flavors of safe. I may even be able to make my own flavor that I can count on. It’s like Golden Bowl. I’ll never have my first favorite Chinese food again, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy other Chinese food or have other favorite meals or restaurants. EDIT: of course high Alex would explain this in terms of food lol.

How do I find my own joy and safety? Just learn how to do more things. Learn to rely on myself through practice.

How do I open myself to new joy? You just do. You just stop obsessing, stop tensing and open up.

SUSIE It’s crazy. Everything from the beginning of our relationship feels like 2-3 years ago at most. Wild how long we’ve actually been together (officially eleven years!). We’ve spent most of our relationship living together at this point. I still really love her. That’s awesome.

I think part of the problem for me is that Susie has changed and gotten even cooler and stronger than she already was and I haven’t. So I can’t possibly imagine how she could be attracted to me as I am.

WATCHING MOVIES With only the light from the Christmas Tree is so great.

I need to have a flexible identity. Instead of seeing myself as someone who IS great, I should see myself as someone who’s TRYING to be great. There will be successes and failures.

[smutsonian]

Mafia bucky with size kink, belly bulge, choking with vibration arm, sub space, daddy kink, creampie kink and squirting, breeding kink, maybe exhibitionism with Steve. This could lead to a part 2 as a 3 way with double vaginal penetration, no anal

that smile on her face

bucky barnes x reader

summary: mafia!bucky x reader ft. mafia!boss!steve and it’s basically just p0rn with a little bit of plot i guess.

warnings: smut, (whatevers written in the ask), violence, rumlow, not proofread, idk please tell me if I missed something.

word count: 3.1k

a/n: why was it so hard to write this fic vjhafvu im rusty with writing soz

masterlist

It was becoming too much for you. The palpable tension between the two brooding men and the looming figures of terrifying men on each side that serves as guards for both sides didn’t bring you any comfort and the fact that your boyfriend is a few feet away from you right now isn’t giving you any reassurance that this situation is under control.

 Steve, your boyfriend’s best friend, stands face to face with an unknown man wearing an eerie smile on his face but his aura is producing anything but a positive vibe while your boyfriend stands beside Steve, glaring at the strange man. You thought you remembered someone calling him Rumlow.

 You know about your boyfriend’s line of work but you never really got to witness his job with your own eyes. Life with Bucky has always been laughs and giggles, passion and love behind closed doors so you never really thought about the dangers that may come with his job. You thought you could continue to live happily and carefree with him until now. 

When you saw Rumlow turning his attention to Bucky’s louring face and smirking at the emotion he’s able to get from your boyfriend made your stomach turn. You saw Rumlow’s hand rise from his side and time seemed to stop for you when you saw a gun pointed in your boyfriend’s direction. You saw your Bucky’s jaw clenching and you couldn’t help the small whimper escaping your lips when Rumlow turns the safety off with a deafening click.

 Bucky’s eyes subtly searched your face but you weren’t looking at him. Your eyes were begging Rumlow to drop his gun and let your boyfriend be but the moment Rumlow turns to look at you, your stomach begins to feel more horrible than it already is. But you would do everything for your Bucky. You had to try.

 “P-Please don’t…” You stutter, glancing at the gun pointing towards your Bucky then looking back up at Rumlow. 

 He mockingly juts his bottom lip out, pouting at you before tilting his head to the side. “No?” He asks.

 You could only nod, ignoring Bucky who was trying his best to get your attention, for sure trying to make you stop talking to Rumlow.

 “This your girl, Barnes?” Rumlow asks, scanning your form but nobody answers him.

 Rumlow chuckles before putting the gun down, giving you a sense of relief before your breath hitches when the gun is suddenly pointed in your direction. 

 “Should I just shoot you then, little girl?” 

 Bucky’s form stiffens, as well as Steve’s and his guards, ready for an order to attack when Rumlow speaks up again.

 “Are you willing to risk your life for this motherfucker?” 

 You didn’t know if it was your nerves making you dizzy but everything went by in a flash but in slow motion at the same time. You saw Bucky side-stepping quickly towards you, his metal arm raising as if to shield you both. A bullet makes contact with his metal arm before bouncing off of it and you stare at his arm in awe before looking at him with crazed eyes. He scans you for a quick second before he rushes you both out of the place, and onto a car before caressing your face with both of his hands. The sounds of guns being fired filling your ears.

 “You shouldn’t have done that, baby girl.” His words are dark and it would’ve scared you if you didn’t know him. If he wasn’t giggling with you about a silly movie yesterday, you would’ve been frightened of him.

 When you don't answer, he tightens his grip on your face, forcing you to focus on him instead of the continuous gunfire.

 “Y-You’re arm… How did you know it would save us?” You stared at his face while your hand absentmindedly wrapped over his metal hand, caressing it gently.

 His eyes flicker to your hand on his metal ones before looking back at you with an earnest look. “I didn’t. I just know that I had to protect you.” He says, chest heaving as he finally let himself show his emotions. Something that he only does with you.

 “Y-you… You could’ve died, Bucky…” 

 “I will do anything to protect you, doll.” He presses a kiss on your forehead before the driver’s door opens and Steve crawls in, breathing heavily.

 “We gotta fucking go,” was the only thing he says before stepping on the gas.

 You did your best to ignore the blood splattered on his face and the white shirt under his black suit.

 You lay your head on Bucky’s shoulder as he hugs you extra close to him, fearing that you might slip away from him and you bask in the closeness and warmth of his body. Your brain starts to fog up, and the only words running inside it are the words your Bucky said. You snuggle closer to him, humming unknowingly in satisfaction.

 ‘I will do anything to protect you, doll.’

  Bucky Barnes watched you curling closer to him, your cheeks brushing against his arm as your eyes remained close, face finally relaxing as you go deeper into slumber. He smiled at your form, pecking the top of your head before pulling you closer to his body. 

 If someone told him that his heart would be palpitating because of a pretty little thing like you, he would’ve shot them in the head for poking jokes at him but now that you’re beside him…

 “Is she okay?” Steve’s voice cuts Bucky’s thoughts off as Steve looks at him through the rearview mirror, quickly turning back to look at him then towards his girl with worried eyes.

 “She’s resting. Calm for now.” Bucky’s jaw clenches at the thought of you producing tears for the likes of Rumlow. His heart skips a beat at the memory of that gun being pointed at you. His grip on the door handle becomes tighter while he tries his best to keep his other hand calm, the one that he’s holding you with.

 “She’ll be fine. We won’t let anything happen to her. I know you won’t. I sure as hell won’t…” Steve gives Bucky a reassuring smile, mumbling the last words under his breath. 

 The car ride was silent throughout the ride, thoughts eating up on Bucky’s mind as he thinks of Steve’s words as well as what to do with you. How to make things up for you because he’s taking the blame for you being in a very dangerous position. 

 “We’re here,” Steve states, stopping the car and getting out before quickly going over to Bucky’s side, opening the door for Bucky and a groggy you. You’re still in Bucky’s arms, already squirming into consciousness while Bucky tries to coo you back to sleep.

 “Need any help?” 

 “I got it,” Bucky answers Steve before carrying you inside the manor, Steve quietly following behind.

 Once inside, Bucky feels you squirming more and he lets you go, gently putting you down on your feet. He looks down at your face that’s looking back up at him with a blank expression. He takes note of Steve’s form leaning on the doorway.

 “Bucky…” He hears you mumble.

 “What is it, princess?” Bucky notes the way your eyes flutters at the nickname and he fights a smile that wants to force its way onto his face.

 “You almost d-died because of me,” Your sob breaks his heart and he’s suddenly on you. He’s eager to make you wipe the tears away. Eager to bring back the smile that always makes him swoon because this isn’t how he wants to see you cry. 

 “Don’t cry, princess. I’ll do anything for you even if that means getting hurt.” He continues to wipe at your tears but it was no use. You’re a broken dam right now.

 “Daddy’s here, princess. Daddy’s right here.” He whispers, not caring if Steve hears him but he takes note of the way Steve’s form stiffens by the doorway. It wasn’t hard to miss because of his broad shoulders. 

 “You trust Daddy, right, Princess?” He pulls back, caressing your face and that’s when he sees it.

 Your eyes are fogged, face wet with tears but the flow has stopped. You’re just looking at him with those foggy eyes filled with something so much intensity.

 “Yes, daddy. I trust you.” He hears you whisper and he knows you’re deep in your space right now.

 Bucky wipes your face with a cloth that’s conveniently in his pocket before walking back, away from you. You whimper at the loss of his touch but one word from him made you stop.

 “Stay.”

 Bucky feels himself grow proud at your obedience. He flicks a look at Steve before looking back at you.

 “Take your clothes off for Daddy, princess.” 

 “Steve, you fucking stay there.” He doesn’t even glance at Steve but he hears his steps stopping. You didn’t even notice his words towards Steve because you were eagerly obeying his command, stripping out of your clothes with haste.

 “Come here, princess,” Bucky motions you to come over and you do. He instantly wraps his metal hand around your throat, not clenching it at all. He just rests his hand on your throat, careful not to frighten you.

 “You trust me, princess?” He asks one more time.

 “Yes, yes I do, daddy.” You breathe out, nodding against his hold which he tightens. Bucky’s eyes flicker at how your thighs clenched together and hear the tiny moan slipping out of your mouth.

 “You like this, princess? You like my hand around your pretty little throat?” Bucky tightens his hold a little more, eyes gleaming at how his hand is covering your whole neck now. 

 “Your neck is so tiny, I can easily crush it, princess. You’re not afraid of me?” Instead of being afraid, you whine, suddenly thrusting your naked hips towards him and he chuckles at you before letting you go. 

 Bucky glances at Steve who was fixing his pants, no doubt tightening uncomfortably at the scene in front of him.

 Bucky stares at you, eyes begging for him to touch you but he ignores it before walking over to the long sofa and sitting down. He pats his lap as he calls for you which you eagerly obeyed, almost skipping your way towards his lap. You were about to straddle him when he stops you.

 He turns your body with so much ease before pulling you down, earning an “oof” from you when your back hits his hard chest. He guides your legs so they’re resting outside of his legs. He easily spreads your legs with his and he dwells at the shiver your body makes when you’re completely exposed.

 “Sit, Steve.” Bucky motions to the long sofa opposite to where the both of you are sitting and he feels you stiffening against him so he whispers soothing words in your ears. “I got you, princess.”

 Steve walks towards the sofa before awkwardly sitting. Bucky could see how much his best friend was trying to control himself but, in the end, his best friend loses his inner battle for he looks at you and then to your cunt, before looking back at you.

 “Don’t worry about Steve, princess. We can trust him. He did kill that awful man for you…” He chuckles at the way your body shivers, your stiffness has long gone now.

 “H-he did?”

 “Yes. Now let’s give Steve a little show, yeah? Show him just how fucking precious my princess is…” Bucky’s metal finger goes to your breasts, teasing each of them with equal attention. He pulls little whimpers from you here and there and he can see Steve squirming uncomfortably from across the both of you and he chuckles.

 “Don’t be shy, Steve. You can touch yourself.” Bucky’s free hand goes to your core, rubbing his fingers on your clit, making your moans grow louder.

 “But you won’t be able to touch my girl. You can just watch and you can be thankful that I’m letting you.” Bucky takes pride in how he’s able to make his best friend look so powerless when he’s the boss. Right now, Bucky is the boss though.

 “D-daddy!” You’re suddenly shaking against Bucky as you reach your first peak, your juice covering Bucky’s fingers while his other hand continues to play with your hard nipples.

 Bucky hears a groan from Steve, smirking how his friend has his hand down his pants pathetically.

 Bucky continues to play with your body, pulling a few more orgasms from you until you’re crying from all the pleasure he’s giving you. 

 Now that’s how he wants to see you cry. Only in pleasure and nothing else. Only the best for his girl.

 “Daddy, please!” You scream at Bucky, your small hands gripping his flesh hand that was on your cunt.

 “What is it, princess? Tell daddy what you want.” 

 “W-want more, daddy,” you whisper, almost shyly, and Bucky coos at your embarrassed face.

 “You need to be more specific than that, princess. Don’t be shy. You’re so fucking beautiful that you got Steve and me so fucking hard, baby.” He turns your head to the side before pressing a hungry kiss on your lips, tongue lapping every corner of your mouth before pulling away, admiring the string of saliva that connects your lips.

 “Tell daddy what you want, princess. Be more specific this time.” He whispers against your ear before nipping at it and earning another whimper from you.

 “Want your cock in me, daddy,” you finally say, begging with your hips grinding against his hard cock that’s under you. 

 He hums in approval before easily lifting you up and positioning his tip in your entrance. He looks at Steve who was looking hungrily at your slit that’s ready to take his swollen cock.

 A gaudy moan escapes from your mouth as Bucky pulls your body down his cock, your head instantly falling back to his shoulder at the feeling of his cock inside of you.

 “Fuck!” Bucky hisses at the feeling of your warm and very tight walls hugging his thick cock.

 “God, baby… You’re so fucking tight!” Bucky’s eyes shut at the feeling of your walls clenching him and he even whimpers when you start to grind against his lap, asking for more.

 He gives it to you. 

 He stares at Steve’s face as he guides your body on top of his, bouncing you on his lap while thrusting his hips into you to reach deeper inside of you.

 Bucky sees Steve’s hungry eyes staring at a certain spot as he bites his bottom lip. Bucky follows his gaze and he too, grows even more hungry, if that’s even possible, at the sight of your lower abdomen bulging out every time his cock thrusts deep inside your tight cunt.

 “Princess…” Bucky groans, stopping you from bouncing, earning a whine from you which turns into loud cries of pleasure when he starts impelling you with his cock again and again. His flesh hand goes to press on your lower abdomen to feel himself inside of you.

 The three of you groan at the scene and Bucky looks back at Steve, smirking and moaning at the same time. Seeing Steve hungrily looking at you but not being able to touch you gives him a rush. Especially when Steve is choking his own cock while he watches the both of you. Oh, Bucky loves showing people that you’re his girl.

 “D-daddy, I’m gonna—”

 “Fucking cum for me, princess.” 

 And you do. You cum with a loud cry, followed by Bucky’s loud cry as he felt your walls suffocating his cock which only gave him more motivation to pistol into you, riding your orgasm. His vibranium fingers find your clit, ignoring your tiny hands that wrapped around it.

 “Too much, daddy!”

 “Give me one more, baby! I wanna cum inside your pretty cunt,” he whispers into your ear before pressing his lips on your neck, sucking your skin with wet kisses. That seems to make you more compliant. You wanted him to cum inside you and Bucky chuckled at how your walls clenched around him at the thought.

 “Oh, you’d like that, won’t you? Want daddy to give you his cummies? Want daddy to breed you? Get you all nice and round…” 

 “Y-yes daddy!” You let out a squeal when his fingers started buzzing around your clit.

 “Yes! Cum inside of her, Buck…” Steve’s wanton voice catches both of your attention and Bucky feels your walls tighten around him when he sees you watching Steve beat his cock with his own hand, his girth swollen and ready to cum. And it’s all because of you. His girl.

 Bucky doubles his efforts, metal hand vibrating against your clit, flesh hand pressing on the bulge that his cock continues to make on your lower abdomen.

 With a few more thrust, Bucky feels his balls tightening and you must’ve felt his thick cock twitching because your walls tightened again and this time, it’s enough to make him burst his seeds into you so, with a loud grunt, Bucky pulls you down on him as his cock twitches inside you, spurting his seeds into your cunt while the head of his cock remains touching your cervix.

 With his metal fingers still vibrating against your clit, you follow him with cumming as the mixture of the feeling of him filling you up with his cum and the intense vibration of his fingers on your sensitive bud.

 Across from the both of you, Steve watches how Bucky is filling you up with his cum, and the moment Bucky’s excess cum starts slipping out from the sides of your slit, he loses it. With a whimper, Steve’s cum shoots out and his hands get covered with his thick white cum while a few lands on the floor. Steve licks his lips when he sees Bucky pulling out of you and using his metal fingers to push the fallen cum back inside of you.

 Steve, still shaking from his orgasm, watches as Bucky picks you up after covering you up with his suit jacket and walking toward the stairs. 

 He stops to look at him though.

 “Thanks for killing the bastard for her, punk.” And with a smirk, he leaves with you in his arms.

 Bucky places you on the bed before cleaning you up. His hands are gentle as he wipes his cum off your thighs and your swollen cunt before getting in beside you and wrapping you up in a blanket.

 “Thank you, daddy.” You slur before curling up beside him. He chuckles before pulling you closer to him.

 “You don’t have to worry about anything, princess. I’ll do anything for you, okay? Seems like Steve will too,” Bucky laughs but doesn’t earn a reply from you. He looks down at your face, seeing you already fast asleep with a smile on your face.

 Oh, how he loves that smile. 

 And he’ll do anything to keep that smile on his girl’s face.

 --

a/n: i just wish I did this request justice :3

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @empath-bunny @belovedcherry @white-wolf1940 @the-soulofdevil @mianorth @scorpiosmalfoy @rottenstyx @littlegasps

Bucky Fics: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123

Anything Chris: @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @shadowcatsworld @notyourtypicalrose @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @heyiamthatbitch @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @slytherinandoutasgard @chrisevanisliterallysir

Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss

[notabled-noodle]

How on earth is it possible for ocd to make up totally false memories but have them feel so real and you can actually visually recall them? It makes you feel like you're as big of a monster as ocd says because it has "proof" of the event

it’s possible for any brain to make up false memories. brains are very creative, but also not great at remembering everything that’s happened. it’s common for a person’s memories to get mixed up with dreams, stories they’ve heard, movies they’ve watched, etc, to the point that they truly believe something has happened that never happened

the difference with an OCD brain is:

intolerance of uncertainty

more creativity

at its root, OCD is an intolerance of uncertainty. it is a struggle to grapple with the fact that you don’t have control over everything, that you don’t have certainty about everything, and that the world is a messy place. OCD can therefore attack anything you’re uncertain about, and make you believe that there is a way to find certainty there

with false memories, your OCD is going “okay, this thing you’re anxious about is a 100% true thing that happened!”. you respond with, “I do not remember that happening, that doesn’t seem like something I’d do”… and then it spirals from there. you’ve got uncertainty because you’re being convinced that you can’t trust your brain (which is something you’re scared of)

people with OCD also tend to be more creative than the average person. in the case of false memories, this can mean that the memories feel more realistic, have a stronger narrative, and use information from outside of your own experience (e.g. I can viscerally remember punching one of my friends. I am informed this never happened, and as far as I know I have never punched anyone)

it’s complicated because brains are messy and OCD is a complex disorder. it will do anything it can to create doubt and to create uncomfortable emotions, and false memories are a pretty good way to achieve both those goals

hope this makes sense, and that your brain calms down soon