#i used way too much of my student loan back in the day to buy lootboxes and other similar shit

[yoiku]

So I played through episode 12 yesterday and episode 13 today between my cleaning sprees and i only cried a little maybe dozen times through it all, so all I can say is that the main story continues to deliver. Wasn't very keen on the storytelling style of ep13 at first, but definitely warmed up to it along the way. Getting scenes from the wiewpoint and in the thoughts of so many characters in just one episode turned out to be pretty refreshing. I did feel a bit overwhelmed as well but i'll put that on me chewing through it all in one day. Sometimes I feel a bit worried that where is the main story going to go after a huge chunk of it comes to a conclusion, but at the same time... If the side stories have proved anything, its that there are so many things about the entire world and lore to explore. And I have to admit I'm still getting more curious about it all. if you told me 5 years ago that the story and universe in a gacha game(derogative) is going to be something i'm obsessing over, I would've been so pissed at you even suggesting that. Anyway, its a nice feeling to be so interested in something. I've lost interest in so many things and i feel like over the years its getting harder and harder for me to really get into something.

[transboysokka]

pls allow me to make a long life update ramble here bc im sick of irl people not understanding at all

I feel like I have a feel disconnected points to make

People like me aren’t meant to get bachelor’a degrees and we’re DAMN SURE not meant to get master’s

I’m 1000% just in survival mode right now and there’s theoretically a month left to go but idek if I’ll make it that long tbh

It has taken me YEARS to figure out a healthy/sustainable work-life balance that goes with my executive dysfunction but that’s NOT POSSIBLE working full time AND doing a degree

I’ve been feeling guilty for resting at all lately (and probably should) but yet if I don’t my health suffers majorly

It has always been hard for me to get simple things done, but now I can’t even THINK about simple necessary errands like walking to the supermarket or going to get a cell phone number or updating shit at the bank because ALL my energy goes to keeping me and my dog alive, keeping a job, and trying to stay in this program

I have delayed my transition by YEARS to pay for all this which was definitely the wrong call ughhhhh

I worked SO hard all of K-12 to get into a good university, when it came down to it didn’t even want to go, was too depressed to apply to hardly any, chose my best option still not knowing what I wanted to do but forced into it and forced to take out all of these loans when I didn’t even know what they meant.

Ended up never dealing with audhd shit, trauma shit, didn’t know what I was doing with my life, tried to get jobs to pay for school but couldn’t handle class and jobs at the same time so got more depressed until I stopped going to classes altogether and got kicked out

That would have been great for me tbh but I still didn’t know what else to do so I begged them to let me back in which they did and I ended up barely graduating with some pointless major I just chose to get me a degree. And also $80k of student debt I had no way to even comprehend knowing how to use

Didn’t know what to do after that either so I ended up in retail for a couple years before I got a random rare opportunity to get me out of there and doing what I always wanted

Well. I felt like I needed to make up for lost time degree-wise and ended up basically begging myself into this half-shitty program that culminates in this masters. I applied maybe five years ago, waited a little over two to start until I had money to pay for it (this is after fleeing the US and the 80k lmao) and somehow killed the first year of it.

I took another year and a half off trying to figure out the rest of the money which I eventually did and that’s how we end up here. I will hopefully have the degree in October but will still be paying for it the rest of the school year rip

So financially this sacrifice is obviously huge and on one hand I never thought I’d be able to do it so yay me and on the other hand I have NOT been able to pursue v v important trans stuff which I notice and deal with eVERY GODDAmn day thanks AND I will also probably not be able to make my every-18-month visit home next summer with my family which also gODDAMN SUCKS because family was EVERYTHING to me growing up and they’ve all forgotten it and probably think I have too but I miss those mfers so much and they would never buy a flight to come see me so.

ANYWAY yeah in undergrad I could NOT do a job and school at the same time so I’ve been proud of being able to handle it this time around but the last fourish months of this program are so intense and I am NOT handling it

Like I have done SO WELL up to now so I feel like I just GOTTA keep going but it’s SO HARD and I’m TOO STUPID and I’ve been told my whole life I’m not meant for higher education and now BOY DO I KNOW IT

I’m just trying to keep going. I order food and groceries to my house. I’m putting off super important errands and appointments as long as I can because I JUST CANT GET THERE I CANNOT WASTE SPOONS ON CELL PHONE PLANS RIGHT NOW I’m just trying to stay alive holy shit

I hate feeling so incompetent in my personal life especially because I’ve always put my professional life first out of like. Fear of losing it. and I KNOW this “laziness” is justified bc I’m spread so thin AND have executive dysfunction and a chronic illness but holy shit it still feels bad scoob. So fucking bad.

I think what I need to do is arrange time off work just to get this all sorted and finished but I’ve literally never taken a day off in my life so I’d feel bad and have MORE anxiety figuring out how to do it lololol ahhhhhhhh

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

"But just"/"Why don't you just?" is not always the magic solve you think it is, boomers

Feeling a little disheartened today by the way that my mum point-blank refuses to acknowledge structural barriers. And I do think it is at least partially a generational thing.

The thing about the deck being stacked against you that has the most impact, and that certain folk of a certain age seem unable to put together is that...

You reach a point in your life, or in your career, or in your day to day financial situation where not only is there no magical solution, there are also no good options.

And it's the kind of situation where it's not the case where there are no good options because you, the individual, made mistakes or burned bridges or wasted your starting out nest egg or your initial savings so you have only yourself to blame - or even where if you just reduced your basic outgoings down several levels you'd be able to build a nest egg (back) up in order to give yourself more options again... There just aren't any good options from the jump.

Recent solves my mum has put to me as if I'm not an adult, in my 30s, living independently in another country from her with over 10 years' working experience, include:

Why don't you just get a higher paying job?

Why don't you get a pension?

Why don't you buy a house?

Why don't you move further away from your work (and your established community and the amenities you rely on) so you can buy a house?

The undertone implication is a) that we haven't already considered all the options before us, done the calculations and concluded that (unfortunately, as if it worked out it would be helpful) it isn't viable right now, and b) that by not doing these things you are somehow deliberately crafting your own misery and setting yourself up for more hardship, instead of the reality that we are making the best of what's available to us within the system that is how our generation are asked to live and exist.

I don't 'just get a higher paying job' because the structural barriers are my lack of education and my lack of social connections among the higher strata of the demographic that, by their wealth-funded access to as many qualifications as they would like to pay for, and by being able to buy the time to complete them, holds a monopoly on hiring. That's something that's come from making education something available to the highest bidder, rather than grant-funded and obtainable by anyone with the capacity to qualify for the course.

I don't have a pension (right now) because I can't afford one. The minimum contribution that I can make by law to a pension is 10% of my income a month, and I can't afford to lose an extra 10% of my income when I'm already paying around that out of my salary to a student loan with compound interest that was sold to me as a loan that wouldn't have compound interest added. I'm also paying 50%+ of my income per month on housing alone, and more on bills. Where am I supposed to find more? And of course, if my salary goes up, so too does the amount I'm meant to pay back the student loan.

I don't buy a house because I can't afford one, despite saving for a deposit for several years. Unfortunately, Liz Truss crashed the economy last year and as a result, the banks don't offer mortgages as high as they used to, and require larger deposits for properties. As such the amount that I have saved up might have been enough to put down a healthy deposit two years ago, but now, isn't. And I can't save any more because of the aforementioned draws on my income above.

And if I was to move further afield to buy a house, what's the benefit to me? I'd have to spend more money on my commute, I'd probably have to live in a much less safe area, and it's going to be cold comfort to me that I own a property if I end up getting assaulted or stabbed on my way home at night.

Trust me, I would love to live in an era where I didn't have to overthink these basics. Where the fact that I have a college degree and multiple years of specialised work experience across multiple sectors including private business and government would actually count for something and afford me a solid and stable standard of living.

But it doesn't any more. And this is my life, and the lives of many of us nowadays. And we can't just sit and mope about it, we have to accept it, and adapt, and do the best we can to keep going until something gets a little easier for us, until the luck of the draw rolls our way or until someone with the power and ability through government or big business to effect a real change takes that shot and acts to make things just that bit less bleak for us.

Until then, a little empathy wouldn't hurt instead of a lecture.

[sflow-er]

Some thoughts on the hierarchy at Hillerska

A few days ago, @raincitygirl76 made a really intriguing post about how the show is about the class system (find it here!), mainly focusing on Hillerska’s impact as an employer and the types of students who go there.

That inspired me to go off on a tangent and make a separate post about the hierarchy. I’ve been using Agnes Hellström’s book about the real boarding schools (‘Att vara utan att synas: Om riksinternaten Lundsberg, Sigtuna och Grenna’, 2013) as a fanfic reference, so I’m also using that here. It was written back when the schools were still allowed to charge for tuition, and I’m sure things have improved since then. However, much of the content is pretty consistent with what Lisa has said about doing research for YR and what we see in the show.

Disclaimer: I’m not Swedish, just a Nordic neighbour, and these are just my own impressions. If I’m wrong about something, please feel free to add on to this or correct me!

Let’s start with a description of the hierarchy by a former student (he attended long ago, but the author confirmed it largely held true in 2013):

”De som var grevar, baroner och friherrar var högstatus, sedan kom de som var snuskigt rika, ’uppkomlingarna’ som inte fötts rika, företagsledares barn. Därefter kom en grå massa av oss andra, efter dem lärarbarnen och sist kom externerna.” (p. 58)

So, the top tier is reserved for the aristocracy. Kids from comital, baronial, and untitled noble families. They’ve been going to these boarding schools for a long time. Interestingly, it’s mentioned in the book that some of them may have even experienced bullying in a normal school; specifically, the ones who have grown up sheltered on their family estates (likely too far away to attend the exclusive schools favoured by the elite in the cities). They might be singled out and picked on in a more modern crowd, but at the boarding schools, they are the leaders.

The next tier is for the non-aristocratic elite: the filthy rich, the ‘upstarts’ who weren’t born rich, the children of business executives. The order that this former student lists them in feels significant, because old money looks down upon new. According to the book, the old elites felt that the schools were ‘ruined’ when even just more nouveau riche and scholarship kids started coming in (they must’ve hated it when the tuition fees were abolished!!). So, kids like Alexander are likely to be treated worse than those whose family’s wealth goes back several generations - but they are still part of this group.

The next tier is for other boarding students who aren’t as rich. At the time discussed in the book, their parents often took out loans to get them in. As we know, that isn’t the case anymore, but the schools do still have ways of keeping the ‘riffraff’ out... Some of the knowledgeable Swedes here on tumblr have written about this.

Furthermore, I think we can also include the ‘optional’ costs as a deterring factor for those who can’t afford them. Back in 2013, parents were apparently advised to put at least 10.000 SEK aside on a ‘student account’ for other expenses (some kids would take taxis to the nearest town, for example, and they could also use it to buy stuff they needed from the school). I’m guessing the student account may not be a thing anymore, but as we see Sara struggle with money in S2, there will still be stuff you don’t want to miss out on. Also, the extra tutoring seen in S1 is based on real life. The price in the show seems to be pretty close to reality, although according to the book, the teachers could sometimes offer discounts to “poorer” boarding students... (I’m sure it’s not humiliating at all to accept let alone ask for that.)

On the next tier down, we find the teachers’ kids, and the former student interviewed specifically mentions that the non-residents are at the bottom. So I guess Englund or Ådahl’s kids would be treated a little better than Simon and Sara in the show, but they would still be looked down upon. It’s mentioned in the book that the teachers often live on the premises, and I get the impression that they can bring their families too (there was a story about a teacher whose boyfriend was going to move in with her there), but I’m not 100% sure.

So why don’t we hear about these other boarders or teachers’ kids in the show?

Well, the book talks a lot about how everyone is acculturated into the same inner-circle mentality. Despite the internal hierarchy, the boarding students still feel closer to equal than one might think. They all get to be part of the elite bubble, and they want to stay there. Even though it’s a community with very strict norms and very little wiggle room.

A few illustrative quotes from the book:

Trots externerna blir tillvaron så sluten, åsikterna likriktade. En lärare flyttade sin son från Sigtuna till Märsta efter att sakta men säkert ha sett honom förvandlas till en brat. Sonen är fortfarande arg över det. (p. 76)

Lundsberg hade varit ett isolerat, klasslöst samhälle där alla tyckte likadant. Inget revolterande, ingen politisk diskussion. [...] Det var en del av hela Lundsbergs koncept, att träna ynglingarna att lyda auktoriteter och inte göra uppror. (p. 133)

Eleverna på riksinternaten påminns ständigt om att de är Sveriges framtid och Sveriges elit. Där den traditionstyngda kulturen med gamla anor är som starkast är det som svårast att våga sticka ut. Ramarna blir snäva, rörelseutrymmet begränsat. Normen är vita, heterosexuella överklassbarn (med lika vita heterosexuella överklassföräldrar). (p. 144)

To paraphrase in English, these schools are closed bubbles where everyone follows the rules and shares the same opinions, to the point where even those who aren’t technically elites (e.g. the teachers’ kids) start to turn into entitled brats. Rebellion and political discussion aren’t really a thing, and the students are taught to respect authority. As we know, this isn’t just the school’s authority; it’s also the authority of the older students (we see this in the show, and there have been plenty of real-world revelations of hazing and ‘peer upbringing’ among students). And of course, it’s also the legacy of those who came before them. They are constantly reminded of their elite status, wrapped up in old traditions and conservative thinking, and expected to fit into a white, heterosexual, upper-class box.

[As an interesting sidebar, the book supports what the creators of YR (Lisa?) have said about most queer people in such schools. Nobody is openly bullied or harassed for their sexuality, but they are gossiped about, and people usually choose to stay in the closet. Being trans is basically unheard of, and traditional binary gender norms abound. Many students feel that it’s even harder for boys to come out than it is for girls.]

In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say there probably are other students at Hillerska who aren’t necessarily part of the elite - but they want to be, so they’re not going to stand out. I’m sure there’s been a lot of progress since the book’s publishing, but considering how well it aligns with S1 of YR in particular, the changes we see Wille enact in S2 do feel rather revolutionary.

[nsk96]

Personal rant:

I have an exam tomorrow and I'm probably gonna fail because I've been trying so hard to study but can barely focus and barely retain anything because I'm so dizzy. My mom has been spraying rubbing alcohol (91%, it burns so much) into the air all over the house since yesterday and today (because she thinks it will kill the gnats she thinks been attacking her skin for the past few years) and it's burning my airways and now I feel so dizzy. I feel dizzier than usual probably due to the topiramate I'm taking now for migraine prevention. Apparently mixing topiramate with alcohol increases dizziness.

It's getting so hard to breathe. Before, she only sprayed this around herself and then around the house once in a while, but so frequently around the house two days in a row is a first. I feel like she's doing this in retaliation to my dad, but it's hurting me who already has sensitive respiratory issues. I can hardly think straight as it is which is a side effect of the topiramate...not great with when I already suffer from focus issues.

I couldn't take it anymore so I cracked open a window despite how chilly and noisy it is outside. Neighbors cutting their grass too so it's loud af. It sucks that my mom doesn't want me driving all the way to school to study but expects me to stay home in these conditions to study and then she pretends to sympathize with me every time I fail an exam or quiz (often). Not that I have to ask her permission, but I do have to let her know where I'm going, and she will make an argument of it. I don't know why I let her talk me out of moving out. It's too late to move out now because I was supposed to move out at the beginning of this semester but she backed out of the plan over the summer. The plan wouldn't work without her.

The original plan: I would move out using loans from my school, then when I graduate, she'll move in with me leaving my dad behind since he's the biggest source of our misery and danger. Her income combined with mine from residency (universe-willing I get one) would be enough to see us through until I finish residency and I get a pharmacist job someplace cheaper and we move there (likely west to Sarasota where her old friend lives and the area is still developing). She was super supportive in the beginning of the year, like, literally buying me things to put in the apartment like juice/water pitcher and helping me pick out bed sheets and rugs to carry over while I search for an apartment. I had already narrowed down my search to a few apartments by July and I just had to go through the specifics of each one with her in August once rotations were over and school started.

Then it was in August that she backed out completely before I even brought up the apartments saying that we should wait-blah blah blah. Yes while my grades suffer because of being stuck here which may actually prevent me from getting residency. Then she was like "and we should get a house". I said "with what?" There's almost nothing in my parents' bank account, so there's nothing to split when they divorce? And my dad hasn't been making the mortgage payments so there goes the house? There's no selling it. With my student debt, I may not even be able to get a loan for a house? Good plan, mom. Good plan.

[mangoesforlyfe]

Credit cards and Savings accounts 101

Hi!

Welcome to my blog post discussing how to arrange your financials as an early 20 something year old. We are going to go over credit cards, and savings accounts. 

~This is entirely dependent on your lifestyle, too. I am someone who spends a lot on restaurants, rent, and groceries. I travel, but not constantly and when I do, it's usually with Spirit. That’s why I don’t have a credit card for traveling (more on this under the Travel section down). I haven’t done any travel credit card research. So if you’re a travel girlie, do everything I’m telling you below, and then add on a nice travel credit card after consulting www.nerdwallet or something. They will summarize the good ones on the market for you. 

Keep reading! ~

Credit cards are really cool because it's a win-win situation for both you and the bank. 

>It’s really fantastic for you since you get a lot of protection every time you buy something (if there’s a problem or scam, you can dispute the charge rather than trying to get your money back as with a debit card which is so much harder). 

>You also of course get free money in the form of cashback, random benefits specific to each card, and can build your credit score.

[Credit scores can seem really shady but it's honestly an actually smart way humans in finance have managed to quantify a person’s “trustworthiness”. It sounds really dumb but banks need it to figure out who to loan their money to. Especially if you’re trying to buy a house and can’t come up with all the cash instantly. I foresee myself renting til the end of time so I don’t care too much about the house but credit scores can also help you get accepted for some of those really nice, more exclusive credit cards out there 0.0). The downside is that they’re really hard to build up (takes so many years) and can go down unbelievably easily like for missing one payment on your credit card.]

How do the banks benefit from the credit card system?

They earn transaction fees from the merchant (that’s why some smaller businesses sometimes prefer to be paid in cash), and depend on you forgetting to pay or giving into the allure of the credit card limit and maxing out. That’s when the fees and interest rates become astronomical.

SO,

Lesson 1: Do not forget to pay your bill each month! Set up Autopay a few days before the due date! Try to pay it off in full if you can! 

Lesson 2: If you remember to do these things, you will profit enormously from the whole shebang and can make the system work for you. It literally pays to be financially responsible. 

So, I currently have 4 credit cards. Discover Student, Citi Double Cash, Citi Custom Cash, and Bilt. 

Equally important, I have a Citi Accelerate Savings Account.

Since Citi has some of the best cards and savings accounts out there, I also made a checking account with Citi. 

In total I have:

Discover Student 

Citi Custom Cash

Citi Double Cash

Bilt

Citi Accelerate Savings

Citi Checking Account

Our goal is to get the highest amount of cashback that we can on every purchase that we do. 

Pro tip: 

I’ve found it helpful to write down which credit cards to use for which purchases in a sticky note in your wallet if you need help remembering. 

Spending Money:

Discover Student

This is a fabulous beginner card. It offers rotating categories for getting 5% cashback. This year, from January to March, you would get 5% back on Restaurants. Also, for the first year they double your cashback, so you get 10% back! That’s huge!! Every other miscellaneous purchase gets 1% back which is meh. They publish a yearly calendar with all the categories, and so for these three months, my sticky note said:

Restaurants: Use Discover card

Citi Custom Cash

This one also has rotating categories, but you choose the category that you want 5% back in. Since I was using Discover for restaurants, I chose groceries for this. Every other miscellaneous purchase gets 1% back which is meh. When Discover has a different category, like Gas Stations, that’s when I either pick restaurants for this or keep it at groceries, depending on what I’m spending more on. 

My sticky note said:

Groceries: Use Citi Custom Cash card

Bilt

This is (at the time) the only card on the market that offers points on rent! Woah! Which is especially crazy because, as the creator of Bilt said, “rent is your highest spending category each month”. It is because of that precise reason that basically every credit card avoids paying rent and charges such an annoyingly high percentage for using your credit card to pay rent online. They don’t want to shell out 20 bucks a month for your 1k rent charge. Bilt gives you 1x points for each dollar you pay in rent. You can redeem these points in either cash (the lowest redemption rate) or in airline or hotel points (a higher redemption rate). I’m saving mine up for miles but even if you cash out, it's still not a rate to scoff at. Plus you don’t have to pay a credit card charge if you use their card which is bananas!

My sticky note said:

Rent: Use Citi Double Cash card

Citi Double Cash

This has to be my favorite. It was my first one and I used it for everything. Now that I have my restaurants, groceries, and rent covered, I use this as a net for all my other purchases. The Urban Outfitters planter, or a Target run, etc. You also can’t use the category cards for big stores like Walmart or Target (unless they specifically mention it) so this card is perfect for those. It gives 2% back for everything, which hella adds up. Now that you have all your bigger spending categories covered, Citi Double Cash comes in so absolutely clutch. 

My sticky note said:

Everything else: Use Citi Double Cash card

Travel

There are some great credit cards out there that allow you to earn airplane miles or hotel points with purchases, or give travel insurance if you book using that card (I have had to use that more than once!). I don’t have one yet, but that seems like the next step in life. I’ve heard Chase has some good ones, and of course googling the best travel cards on the market is always the easiest route.   

Keeping Money

Savings Account

Savings accounts have taken a complete 180 degree turn since a few years ago. Before, they would only give you a small percentage like 0.5% for the money you keep with them. That’s what your local credit union will give you. Now, there are accounts called High Yield Savings Accounts or HYSAs that give you anything from 4-5% back! Even if you have 200 dollars saved up, I would 10000% recommend opening one of these. It's the best place to store your money, and you can let it sit back and just let your money work for you. I have the Citi Accelerate Savings Account that gives me 4.47% right now, one of the highest on the market. There are some cards that match that interest rate or slightly higher but since I have 2 Citi cards already, I find it easiest just to have this one since everything can be in the same dashboard and it's easier to transfer money. 

(https://www.citi.com/banking/savings-account) 

Checking Accounts

This is just a basic account where usually people deposit their money from their jobs, and pay off their credit cards, utilities, etc., with. I have a Citi Checking Account because I’m integrated in their ecosystem and it's the easiest, but mine doesn’t earn any interest on money. This was previously unheard of but some checking accounts nowadays earn interest for you! The future is now. O.o

That’s all folks!

All of this is friendly advice. Even if you don’t go with any of these cards, I hope you get the idea of how to sit down, look at your spending categories, look at the cards available on the market, and play a little matching game to pair each category to each card. 

Once again, I’m underlining the importance of having a HYSA asap rather than letting your money sit in a checking account, because that’s free money on it each month! Try to avoid opening a bunch of credit cards all at the same time because that will hit your credit score (once again, opening the HYSA won’t though). 

It took me about four years starting as a freshman in college to get all four of these credit cards. Companies frown at opening more than 5 in 24 months (Chase’s secret 5/24 rule) but you can start with at least the Citi Double Cash one if not more. As always, you can come to me with any questions!

Xoxo,

mangoesforlyfe

[weareyour4]

4 Things You Might Regret as A Student at Uni – LaurenET

Being a student can be some of the best times of your life, but it’s only after you graduate and start working your first big girl job that you begin thinking of all the regrets you have about uni. Here are just 4 of the regrets I have that you might have too:

Not Doing Any Internships

This is my number 1 regret about university. At the time, I genuinely believed I was too busy or too shy or too confused about what kind of career I wanted to even think about applying for internships. It turns out, I just didn’t know about The Grad Soc. This company help students and grads find flexible (between 5 to 10 hours a week), paid (£11 per hour!) and remote (an introvert’s dream) internships that last around 3 months. Looking back, if I had found them at uni, I would have been making the most of my weekends, saving up that extra cash and figuring out what kind of work I actually really liked (and what I absolutely didn’t want to pursue). One thing you realise coming out of uni is that a degree doesn’t mean much to an employer and it’s your work experience that speaks volumes when you’re trying to land a grad job. It sounds simple but it’s not something I knew.

2. Wasting My Student Loan

In particular, on a bunch of new clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I saved like mad (maybe a little bit too mad at times) but I made some very regrettable purchases where that money could have been put to good use. No, I didn’t need the Anastasia brow gel because it was trending online and no, I didn’t need a new outfit for every event. If you’re a student reading this now, it’s worth asking yourself why you’re buying something. Is it just for the sake of buying? Can you find it somewhere cheaper? Can you wait a couple of months and if you still want it then you can get it? It might seem like the odd £20 here and the odd £15 there but it really starts to add up (and trust me, the future grad version of you will wish you had that money for a new vacuum or office desk or something “adult”).

3. Not Enjoying the Small Things

Uni is hectic. Every day feels like it’s mad and that’s not always a bad thing especially when you’re young, a little bit wild and soaking up all the freedom you have. But one regret you might find yourself having as a grad is not enjoying the small moments that made your uni experience. Like sitting in the library with your friends, all of you experiencing a stress-induced meltdown and you’re counting down the days until term ends. Or going home to visit your mum and dad. Or walking back to your flat with your besties. Or cooking dinner for your housemates. At the time, you’re so wrapped up in that essay you have to finish or that presentation you have to do that you forget to really soak up these small moments.

4. Throwing Away My Free Time

Once you graduate, you realise how time consuming it is working a “proper” job and you begin to regret throwing away all that freedom you had. Personally, I wish I had done more than binge watch and shop with my free time. If I could give advice to a current student, I’d say make the most of the time you have now where most of you have very few responsibilities. Travel to new cities (spending money on a new experience trumps new clothes by the way, take this advice), try new coffee shops, make new meals, choose a hobby, and stick to it (even if you’re rubbish at it, you’ll come out of uni with a passion for something that isn’t related to your career). I also wish I’d spent this freedom exploring my future options better. Could I have done some online courses? Could I have been networking? All of this hindsight is something you wish you had as a student. 

And these are just a few of the many regrets you might relate to! Ultimately, it’s important to look forward rather than wishing you could change the past but hopefully this lands in the hands of newbie and current uni students who can learn from my mistakes. 

[campto]

Piggification Stage 1: Shock and Denial

The first indication Brenda had that she had maybe partied too hard last night was when she opened her eyes and found herself staring right into a pig's asshole.

Oh crap! She thought. What the hell did I do last night?

And then it came back in a flash.

She had gone out bar hopping with her roommates. Around 1 am or so Sondra and Debbie had pooped out and were ready to call it a night, but Brenda wanted to keep going.

"See you tomorrow," Sondra had said. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

The reason Brenda needed to keep going was that her share of the rent was due in two days, and she had no money to pay it. The roomies had let her slide the last couple of months, but they made it clear she had to cough it up soon. OK. She had a plan.

She knew of a bar close by where the clientele were always looking for women who were… let's say… up for new experiences. And were willing to pay them.

Brenda hated to resort to such tactics, but she was up against the wall, and being… well… a bit chunky and plain, she knew she had little chance to land a rich fella.

The joint had been jumping that night, and Brenda immediately saw her mark.

A very distinguished, bearded man in late middle age; she could tell he had money and education as soon as she saw him. What the hell was he doing here? Either one of three things.

1. He was newly widowed. 2. He was newly divorced. 3. He was into stuff that the wife wouldn't do on a bet.

As she was pondering the possibilities, and wondering how she might introduce herself, he spotted her. And their eyes locked.

"Come over here, my dear! Let me buy you a drink." he said.

"Sure thing!" This was going to be easier than she hoped.

"I feel like celebrating. How about some champagne?"

"S..sure! Sounds good to me!"

"Barkeep, a Magnum of Cristal, if you please!"

"Excellent choice, Sir! Right away!"

Brenda was too shocked by how well this was going already to catch a quick look from the bartender toward her new friend.

"Let me introduce myself, my dear. My name is Moreau. Doctor Moreau."

"Why, HELLO, Doctor! I'm Brenda!" Brenda offered her hand. He KISSED it! WOW! She had a LIVE one! If she played her cards right, this guy might not only pay her rent, he might pay off her student loans!

"What brings you to a place like THIS, Doctor?" she had to know.

"Well, my dear, it's simple. I have a penchant for dating… ahem… LARGER ladies, you might say. And that isn't really done in my social circles. It's RIDICULOUS, but that's how things are. I'm sorry if I offended you. You look LOVELY to me."

"Oh… I know how that goes," said Brenda. And she did. This wouldn't be the first chubby chaser she had hooked up with. But he looked like the RICHEST.

"Please! Have some champagne! I have a feeling this will be a magic night for us!"

Oh, HELL Brenda thought. If he's buying…

The rest of the night was sort of a blur. From the way her head was throbbing, she had been roofied at some point in the evening. She knew enough to keep an eye on her drink, but looking back, that bartender had been a bit dodgy. Drugging her didn't seem to make any sense, though. She had sent out every signal that she was ready to put out that night.

WOW! That stuff must have been POWERFUL! Her whole BODY felt funny… like she couldn't move it right…

"Good MORNING, my dear! I see you're AWAKE! SPLENDID! We have much to DISCUSS!"

Brenda tried to answer him, but couldn't seem to find her voice. What the hell did they DOPE her with, anyway?"

"Oh, don't try to talk YET, Dear. Everything will be clear to you shortly!

"Firstly, you may wonder why you are lying in a PIGSTY. Did we maybe get up to some kinky role-play last night? The answer is no. We didn't 'do the nasty,' as you youngsters say. I did, however, take the liberty of doing some… er… reconstructive SURGERY on you… to render you more appealing to a man of my… discerning tastes."

What the F__K!? What kind of psycho did I hook up with? thought Brenda, with a rapidly increasing sense of dread.

"The reason you are in a pigsty is simple, my dear Brenda. You are now a PIG."

Okay, this is too weird, thought Brenda. This guy is DEFINITELY not playing with a full deck. I've got to LEAVE. NOW.

Wait. Why can't I stand up?

"Why can't you stand up? you might be thinking. But, my sweet, pretty sow, you ARE standing up! On four lovely, sturdy legs! Just THINK! No more backaches! No more chances of tripping and falling down! You will live a life of luxury in my barn for the rest of your life!"

No. This is not happening. I'm having a nightmare… a hallucination… this guy's hypnotized me… there has to be a logical explanation.

"I see you still don't believe me! I don't blame you. They never do. It's a lot to process. Well, I guess you have to see for yourself. Here's a mirror. Have a look at yourself.

Brenda was puzzled. There was nothing reflected in that mirror but PIGS. One in particular was looking right AT her. Funny. It had a snout… pointy pig ears… but… it had human hair. Like hers. And human EYES. That looked like hers. That… blinked when she blinked. The pig's mouth opened stupidly…

"That is YOU, my dear. In all your glory! From this day on, that is YOU!"

No. NO. NO! It's a trick mirror! That can't be ME! It's not POSSIBLE!

"Oh, it's not the MIRROR," said Moreau, knowing her thoughts. "Take a look at your new little TROTTERS! You'll be scampering along on them through the straw and the mud in NO time!"

And Brenda looked down her snout (her SNOUT?) to see two stubby little legs where her arms should have been. With trotters on the end. Scrabbling in the dirt and straw.

At this point Moreau had maneuvered her so she was standing in front of another mirror, which she could see reflected in the first mirror.

She had two more stubby legs in back. And a big, round pig's ass. With a curly little tail.

"Your TAIL is the CUTEST, don't you think? I must say I've outdone myself with you, Brenda! Oh, well have WONDERFUL times together, you and me! You'll see! You'll come to LOVE it!"

NO! I've got to get HELP! Brenda thought. I've… I've got to… to SCREAM! NOW!

"WREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

And then Brenda knew. It was real. It was happening. She had just squealed like a.. pig. She WAS... a… pig.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

[karl-marxxx]

Massive rant below the read more, but I’m too lazy to think of proper cws. Uh I’m depressed about capitalism, that’s all I got

I live with my partner and a friend, they’re both on income support waiting for their disability applications to process. I had to stop working in the fall and it’s unlikely I’ll be working again. My unemployment payments are done in a few weeks and that halves my income leaving us at a total around $2700 a month.

We’ve got over 10k (some stupid purchases, some necessary accessibility upgrades) in credit card debt, and I’ve got my student loans being held back by repayment assistance programs.

Rent will eat nearly half of our income not including any utilities or other expenses.

Literally what do I do? Is there even a way out of this hole without losing my soul? We use food bank, but there’s only so much expired peanut butter and stale Raisin Bran a person can eat. We only buy on sale with a few exceptions, but if we cut out the more expensive “unnecessary” things like coffee, what is even the point if I can’t look forward to at least one thing each morning. I can’t remember the last time I ate a vegetable other than onions and carrots.

We’ve cancelled our media subscriptions, we’ve applied for housing subsidies. We’re losing our hair at horrifying rates due to lack of nutrition, we’ve got EDs yes, but it’s certainly not helped by having no fucking money.

Like what’s the play here? Just keep getting in more and more debt but still getting the little things that make it easier to get through the day until I can’t take it anymore and either die of stress or I turn myself into a fine red mist? Or do I buy into the lie that I can get out of this mess and if I just give up everything that gives me joy, start working full time again only to drop dead at the ripe age of 35 debt free after a decade of eating nothing but food bank peanut butter and bulk chicken strips?

Yes, before you ask, I do have depression and an anxiety disorder.

[chrysolipsist]

mid 20th century furniture and early 21st century disease

I bought myself an Eames chair because I spend so much time sitting at my desk at home for both work and leisure, I figured I am destroying my body by being in an office chair so much. In fact, I'm fairly convinced this is true. My body already revolted against me once a couple years ago where, for a period of weeks, my ass hurt like hell every time I tried sitting in a chair and it even took some physical therapy to get out of that condition. I've used a cushion most of the time since then (and I bought a nicer chair), but it still doesn't seem like enough.

I thought what might be a nicer setup would be to get a lounge chair with a lap desk to put my keyboard and mouse on. I bought a $150 chair on Amazon that looked pretty comfy, but it turned out that it wasn't all that comfortable to sit on for long periods of time. And yes, I don't really like that this is my life, but the fact of the matter is, much of my day consists of sitting in front of a computer screen. I've been trying to get away from that, and recently started going to the gym. In fact, I've lost 10 pounds since doing so. But there is a long way to go. Anyway, my first experiment failed and I kept searching for the ideal chair for my intended setup.

I was traveling for work a while back and I encountered the Eames chair in the lobby of a hotel. I came down, got some food and a drink from the bar, and sat in their Eames chair for a while, chatting with a friend on the phone. After a good couple hours, it still felt very comfortable. The only problem with this chair is that it costs nearly a month's salary to get one, if you buy from the high end of the market. I could wipe out about a third of my remaining student loans for the price of this chair. Obviously I didn't go for the high-end model. Instead, I found a "cheap" knockoff on sale for about 8% of that price, or $600, which still seems like a lot of money for a chair to me. But I figured, what the hell. If nothing else, it looks nice. I think it looks like what someone I used to know would have described as "swank". Long story short, I ordered the chair.

I have COVID again, by the way. This is the second time I've gotten it since the start of the pandemic. Not wanting to acquire long COVID, I've been trying to mostly rest, in the hopes that this would give my immune system ample time and energy to fight it off. After a couple days, I feel better. Today I did remote meetings, and by the end of the day, I was feeling run down, when the chair was delivered. I assembled the thing somewhat leisurely; it wasn't too hard to put together, despite the instructions being written in very questionable English, and actually incorrect (thankfully, there was an online video showing the steps). The hardest part was attaching the arms to the flange that connects the back to the seat. The last arm took over an hour to attach, whereas the rest of the chair took less than half that time. The problem was, I had to use my left hand to tighten a bolt while pushing the arm down onto the flange, but once I got the arm close enough to push the bolt in, I could no longer see where the bolt was going. It felt like the bolt was in place, and I was turning it, and it gave the impression that it was going in, but this turned out not to be the case. I pulled up on the arm and it came right off. I must have done this about a hundred times, getting increasingly irritated. As in: how fucking stupid am I that I can't get this to work? Why couldn't they have made the bolt just 1/8 of an inch longer? I got so angry and frustrated that I think I forced all my COVID symptoms to disappear out of pure rage; as soon as I finally got the fucking thing bolted on, I felt a bit wiped out. Hopefully, I didn't give myself some sort of long-term problem by spending my late afternoon putting this chair together.

Now, I really can't tell whether this chair is identical to the one in the hotel lobby. As far as I can tell, the build of my chair is absolutely identical to the one on the expensive furniture company's website. It is visually indistinguishable to me. Maybe some kind of furniture expert could tell. It feels about as comfortable as the one I sat in before, and I seem to doubt that the people operating that hotel would have actually paid $8,000 for a chair to sit in their lobby. I feel like their chair may have been a bit softer, but that might just be because mine is new and the foam in the cushions is still a bit stiff. Anyway, I feel like $600 was a fair price for this chair.

When I was a kid, at my grandparents' house, my grandfather and my aunt used to sit in the living room in two recliners sitting side-by-side, separated by a table with a lamp and an ashtray, facing a TV set on the other side of the room. They would sit there most of the day, watching television. My grandfather would chain smoke, with his jaw hanging open, flipping the dial. I remember he would pause momentarily on things like wrestling, or exercise programs where women were bent over doing stretches. Meanwhile, my aunt would knit, and my grandmother went about doing all of the domestic duties around the house. My aunt had some kind of mental condition I don't really know the full details of. She was epileptic, and slightly developmentally disabled. She was able to work at a Goodwill store for a while. She was petite when she was 20-something, and she probably could have lived semi-independently, but they discouraged her from doing that. Instead, she spent most of her adult life rocking in a recliner, knitting blankets that smelled like tobacco smoke since they'd been marinated in it. And she grew steadily larger during the '80s, '90s, 2000s, and 2010s, becoming diabetic somewhere along the way. My grandfather died in 2016, and my aunt had a stroke and died a couple years later, leaving my grandmother behind.

I always found her condition a little sad, but it was nothing I had any ability to do anything about. When I look in the mirror at myself now, having taken poor care of myself for nearly half as many decades, I see part of her looking back in my own round and too-chubby face. I have the same overall face shape shared by my grandmother, my dad, and my son. All three of them are in pretty good shape compared to myself. Meanwhile, I'm doing to myself what happened to my aunt: consigning myself to a lifetime of sitting in comfortable chairs, only I'm marinating in work rather than smoke.

I recently began exercising to try to counteract about 15 years of neglect, and as I said earlier, I did lose a little weight, but I really need to lose at least another hundred twenty pounds. I didn't exercise when I was traveling the past week, and then I caught COVID. In an effort to avoid getting long-term symptoms, I thought I had better just rest until it's completely gone before starting the exercise again. That's if the advice I've read has any element of truth to it. You can read articles all day on what to do and what not to do, and get contradictory advice from seemingly legitimate sources. This is without even considering the nutcases and hucksters recommending off-label use of veterinary drugs, supplements, or metal colloids. After I rolled the heavy box containing the chair into the house this afternoon, I felt temporarily overwhelmed with fatigue. I would really be unhappy if that happened to me every time I tried to exercise. But, when I was putting the chair together, I think I exerted myself even more, but I felt perfectly fine. I'd like to think, although I doubt it could be true, that I tapped into the power of pure unrefined anger to render the coronavirus paralyzed with fear.

Well, I wrote most of this so far in the new chair, and it has worked pretty well. I could imagine doing the majority of my work in this position. It's better than the office chair so far, I think. We'll see. But even as I have found what I think might be a new and improved way of organizing my home office space, I really need to get away from spending so much of my life sitting down and typing. I reason that if I can get to a healthy weight within five years, I could enjoy the remainder of my 40s in much better condition, and the following decade, a chance at a little middle-age renaissance, before the inevitable old age, and oblivion. That's if I don't cough myself to death first.

[passingdaysthings]

05.23.2023 -A Job

Today is Tuesday 

I actually don’t have that much to say from my last post. It’s really only been a day since that post too, and I think this is the shortest update I have ever written. I am actually in a really good mood today because I officially got a job offer this morning, and the salary is 10k more than I expected. I think this will really help me mentally, and honestly, I think it will help me continue putting space between me and Taylor. I don’t hate him or anything, but there are moments where I still have lingering feelings for him. It’s just really hard to fully get rid of them since we’ve been through a lot emotional and shared a lot. I am particularly happy about this job offer because I actually got rejected months before the offer came. The job title is the same (Clinical Research Assistant), but the responsibilities are different from the one I previously applied for. I got an email from the PI randomly last Friday, and she said she would like to talk to me about this new position because she really enjoyed our interview, my CV, and my cover letter so we had me in mind when the position opened up. I was really flattered, and it also boosted my confident. I have applied for a lot of jobs that I got rejected from without a word, and I never really know what the issue was. This time she told me it had nothing to do with me personally, and it was a matter of my clinical research experience which I totally understand. That is something I can’t control so I don’t linger on those things, but I do control my interview, CV, and cover letter which she said she really liked. It really was a self-esteem boost to know that she remembered me and offered me this new position before putting up an official listing for it. The salary is going to be 47k, I will go through a 90-day probation period, and the position will be until Jan 31st, 2024 with renewal based on funding and performance. That last part is very normal working as an RA on funded projected. This is also good because it’s experience, but I do not have to commit long-term. 

Plans for the rest of 2023: 

May/June: Start the CRA job, take a short break from school, and then start summer class (I only took one) 

July: Go on my trips to Cali and Texas, and possibly work while I am there 

August-Dec: Fully focus on school and work

Work goals: 

Good performance, contribute useful skills, and learn new ones 

I should also try my best to save money since I will be real deal broke after going to California and Texas, but I should be fine since that would be the only thing I am really spend money on. Tracy is back, but we have both been busy so we don’t eat out much. I have also done my shopping already so I don’t think I will have the urge to buy new clothes anytime soon. I really want to just use all my salary money towards my student loans which are currently at $20.5k. I will legit have no money even though I will have a salary, BUT a salary is better than no salary. I will also be able to pay off my debt sooner than I had planned. It is nice that I don’t have any bills or housing things to worry about since I am currently living at home. Of course, I know that I will have way less than the 47K because of taxes and such, but I will still have something to start paying off my student loans. Yay! 

Here’s to things getting better! 

-P

[pepprs]

the problem with eating food is that if i eat food then i don’t have more food to eat and i can’t get more food to eat bc i am living paycheck to fucking paycheck rn

[highways-are-liminal-spaces]

You can avoid this question if it’s too personal, but how do you afford to travel so much? Because I’d love to do what you’re doing.

I get this question a lot and I never know quite how to answer it without a baseline of how much money the person asking has, but I'd say it really comes down to three things. Here comes a novel:

1. Take jobs places you want to be! I spent last summer in Alaska working for the state and my travel was all paid for by my work. I know "get a job" is the most obvious and also challenging advice in the world, but applying for short(er) term work out of your home region can be a really good way to travel. A lot of service jobs in National Parks include lodging as a benefit, for example, and I know a lot of people who have taken jobs as waiters in Yellowstone, for example, and then stay in housing behind the lodges and can spend days off exploring the park. This also goes for seasonal tourist work in places like Alaska and in ski towns in the west, and I know a few people who migrate between seasonal hotel/lift op/bartending/waiting etc. jobs in order to travel. If you have more nature experience or education, tour guiding or field work are also good ways to get paid travel to nature-y places.

2. I consider most of my travel to be very cheap, and here's how I'd say to do that:

Either book things as far in advance as humanly possible (12+ months) or as close to 11pm the night of your stay for the cheapest rates. Often one last refresh of "nearby" motels after 10pm will get you a place around $60/night. If you're doing it this way, flexibility is key, as is the willingness to call it a lost cause and sleep in a tent wherever you can. Book on the same website every time if you can (e.g. Priceline, Booking.com, Hotels.com, etc.) so that you can collect the stamps for your free stay. Freecampsites.net is my absolute go-to for finding camping spots nearby.

Bring a cooler and high-protien food that keeps well so you aren't paying for it in touristy places such as national parks. Peanut butter is a miracle.

Bring a gas can in your trunk for the same reason. Gas markups in parks are insane and minimizing those gas stops will save you so much money.

Buy a National Parks pass if you plan on traveling much, because parks are expensive and often it will get you discounted rates on tours that you don't realize have park entrance fees built into them.

If you're a full-time student, a AAA member, a senior, a military member, etc. ask if there's a discounted rate whenever you can. A lot of student discounts aren't listed! You're not being a bother by asking, and the worst they can say is 'no.' Also, a lot of places with pet fees have discounted pet rates for rescues.

Google coupons/use honey, etc. when booking online to try to find any deals available.

When I'm planning a trip, I like to figure out what the one 'extravagant' thing I want to do is (e.g. a seaplane trip to see bears, etc.) and then book that and plan to cut costs everywhere else. For example, when I go to Iceland, I always spend money on one guided day trip somewhere, and then I stay in a hostel ($20/night), eat energy bars I brought, live out of a single backpack, etc. Packing light saves you a lot of money for plane travel and bag checking, etc.!

3—and this is a much more personal answer—there are a lot of university, state, or federal debt forgiveness programs based on what kind of work you do. I won't be paying any of my student loans back myself because I'll be in the public sector doing environmental work or legal aid, and UChicago is good with its LRAP program.

[floofs-headcanons]

Hello hello! Both of your have such awesome writing! I had so much fun reading the headcanons and scenarios of the bodyguard AU! Could I request either college AU or a soulmate AU or your choosing for Zoro? Whatever you feel like writing! Thank you!!

College & Soulmate AU; Scenario

Character; Zoro

Word Count; 1,718

Thank you so much, we’re glad you liked it !! But no, but let me tell you how we screamed at each other for literally half an hour when we saw this request. There were too many good soulmate AUs we ended up using a generator aksjdhas.

The first time you and your soulmate touch you get stuck together for a while.

December is when you find him sleeping on campus grounds. He’s resting on one of the outdoor tables, book open, with arms covering the pages. Snow is falling, and you’re cold even with a heavy fur coat and umbrella keeping the white specs from melting into your hair.

You’re not sure if you should wake him up despite the fact that he was wearing nothing other than a T-shirt and some jeans, but he doesn’t seem very bothered. Well, that is until he sneezes. It’s followed by some incoherent grumbling and nearly scares the shit out of you, but it’s enough for you to decide to help.

“Hey,” you poke his cheek with the butt of your umbrella, not too fond of touching strangers. “Hey!”

He doesn’t stir, and you’re left wondering if anyone else has tried to help him before you showed up and ended up leaving it be because he wouldn’t budge.

Still, you couldn’t leave him here in this type of temperature; so you decide to leave your umbrella behind. It’s long enough to lean against the table and shield him from the ever piling snow without directly touching any part of his body and possibly bothering his rest- not that you think it would. He didn’t flinch even when you yelled at him.

December is when you’re working at Shakky’s bar late into the night to pay off your college tuition.

Those loans wouldn’t pay themselves after all and the salary was good. 

The company at the bar itself was interesting to say the least. You could never truly say you had a dull night while working there. Be it the slurring drunks and their awful attempts at pickup lines, to the terribly sobering tales that would be shared across the counter; it was an eye opening experience. 

Tonight would be much like any other- at least, that’s what you had thought until a familiar man comes through the door. 

He seemed well- that was good. You didn’t give it too much thought, after all, you were on the clock and this was a rather popular bar for the student body to frequent. From the way Shakky greets him, he must’ve been a regular long before you had begun working here.

Setting down the glass you had been mindlessly polishing, your attention is drawn towards a customer sitting near the back of the bar. He’s a bit louder than the other customers, but you were pretty used to that. Eustass Kid came in all the time and drank until he either passed out or his blonde haired friend carried him out forcefully. At the very least he wasn’t bothering anybody.

“Excuse me,” the green haired man raises a hand, successfully catching your attention. It seems he was done talking to Shakky by now.

“Yes?” You make your way over, an award-winning customer service smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “What can I get for you?”

He ends up getting a few, maybe more than a few, beers. This man sure could drink.

December is when your car decides it needs its own break from the cold winter snow. It thankfully doesn’t break down anywhere too traffic heavy, and there’s an auto-repair shop not even five minutes away.

“Oh, hello,” you greet, surprised to see a familiar face working here. He’s wearing a tank-top and some slacks, and this time you think the attire is appropriate given how much he was sweating.

The owner, Franky, had more than generously came to pick up your mobile and gave you a ride along the way, saying it would be done the same day. I have a reliable repairman, he said more than just a bit too loudly for comfort.

The male glances up at you for a second before going back to finish up on the vehicle he was already occupied with. “Hey, there.” You’re not too sure if he recognizes you- it’s a hard to not recognize him- but that’s fine, you just needed your car fixed.

It doesn’t take him very long to finish up on his current project before moving onto yours. He thankfully doesn’t ask any questions, it seems like the owner had already filled him in, and just starts working.

“You know,” he spares you a glance, picking up another tool. “He said it’d be done the same day but it’s still gonna take a few hours. Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Unfortunately not,” you sigh. The only plans you had were to go back home and take a long, long nap, but there was no way you were going to walk back in this type of weather. For a while, you’re standing around a little awkwardly, fiddling with the fluffs of your sleeves before he speaks up.

“If you want you could sit inside where it’s warmer. There’s a TV and some magazines you could read to keep you occupied.” You debate that for a bit, looking through the glass door to the waiting area, but ultimately decide to stick around for a bit longer.

“It’s fine,” you say with a smile. You could wait inside later, for now you’d want to wander a bit. It’s not every day you’d get to go to an auto-repair shop and you’ve always been a bit curious with how often Kid yells about it in the bar. “Would it be alright if I take a look around?”

He gives a grunt of approval and you make yourself comfortable, roaming the workshop. It’s quite big, and you hadn’t noticed ‘til now that the walls were painted in vibrant blues, red, and yellow. It matched the owner’s eccentric personality.

“Oh,” a stand hidden to the back of the shop catches your attention; a lone umbrella resting on its handles. Yours- to be more precise. “You use an umbrella during snow time?” You hadn’t bothered to ask for it back, the thought never really occurred to you. Considering they weren’t that expensive buying a new one wouldn’t be much of a hassle. If anything, you were more surprised he’s kept it around.

The male clears his throat, stopping whatever it was he was doing to your car and wipes his hands down with a towel. “Actually,” he admits sheepishly, “I’ve been meaning to return it to you. I just kept forgetting.”

You raise a brow, “You knew it was mine?”

“I’ve seen you use it around campus before,” he admits. “Not a lot of people use an umbrella while it’s snowing, and the color’s pretty vibrant so it’s hard to not notice. I had wanted to give it to you when I visited the bar, but you were constantly busying yourself so I never got the chance.”

A chuckle escapes your lips at his little confession. He seemed like such an intimidating guy, with the furrowed brows and scar over his eye, but he was a lot more awkward than one would expect. “Well,” you catch his attention. “I’m working there again tomorrow night if you want to come give it to me in person.” December is when you’re sparing hopeful glances at the door every time the bell chimes.

“Expecting someone?” Shakky teases, coming behind the bar and pouring herself a glass.

“Something like that,” you mutter before making your way past her to attend to someone in the corner of the room. It’s the same person from around two weeks ago- he’s louder this time, but there were also less customers tonight and no one seems to be complaining any so you let it slide. “Yes? How may I hELP-?!”

What you can’t let slide is how he forcefully grabs your wrist and essentially drags your body to lean over the table. “Ah, damn,” you’re used to drunks, not idiots. He has a permanent grin plastered over his lips and his grip on your wrist tightens. “I can’t let go! Guess we must be soulmates!”

There is no explaining the disgust that washes over your face. “Sir, I’m asking you politely to let go.”

Everyone who goes here knows that it’s simply an unwritten rule to not fight unless you wanted to be beaten half to death. Not by you- dear lord no- Shakky on the other hand was ruthless and you’d never want to end up on the other side of her fist.

Ever.

“Huh?” He slurs, “didn’t I just tell you that I can’t let go?”

“I’m telling you-” before you’re able to get anymore words out another hand wraps around the older man’s wrist, successfully shutting you up. For a second, the dread of it being one of his friends rises, but it’s quickly crushed by the voice that follows.

“I’m sure you’re not deaf. She said let go.”

The bar is dead silent for a few seconds before the man roughly releases his grip on your arm. A bit gentler would’ve been nice, you internally grumble, rubbing the sore area.

“Hey there, could I ask exactly what you were trying to do with my precious barkeep?” Your boss comes over, leaning against the table. She gives you a wink and a slight nudge of her head towards the break room and you don’t think twice before leaving the scene, your green haired friend following close behind.

“Is your wrist alright?” He questions as soon as the door closes. “My bad for being late, I got held back by some work Franky wanted done.”

His hand reaches out to gently hold your wrist and a spark of electricity shocks you both. Usually, your first instinct would be to flinch and pull away, but he has a firm grip.

“Uhm,” you glance down, then back up at him. “It’ll probably bruise tomorrow but it’s nothing to worry too much about...”

His face is unreadable, and after a couple seconds his ears turn a faint shade of red. “I can’t let go.”

You chuckle at his poor attempt of a joke. “C’mon now, we just went through this.” You lift your free hand to pry his fingers off your wrist only to feel the same electric shock as earlier. It doesn’t hurt, only stinging enough to really initially surprise anyone, but you quickly realize he wasn’t trying to pull your leg.

Oh.

“So,” he awkwardly lifts his other hand. “I brought your umbrella.”

[rubberduckyrye]

I am not (Dis)Abled (Enough)

I'm having a time right now so here's a thread on being Disabled in America but being Denied Disability.

I am physically disabled due to some kind of injury to my spine. I cannot stand, walk or run for more than five minutes at the best of times. I'm in chronic pain most of the time. Sitting in certain chairs hurts my back. The Chiropractors and Physical therapy didn't work. I can no longer visit doctors about my back due to my insurance not covering more than 30 or so visits a year. I used up all but two appointments in less than the first half of the year, so I can’t even get proper treatment year round. But because one doctor said that I could stand for 4 hours (a blatant lie), the government thinks I am not “physically disabled.”

I am mentally disabled. My ADHD causes me to lose track of common chores and task and I often forget what I was doing. I have to be reminded of certain tasks constantly. I also have C-PTSD, which makes me have panic attacks when someone in authority scolds me or makes me feel unsafe. My panic attacks are so bad that I cannot bring myself to go back to work after having one that is work related. My depression consumes me and my ability to shower, take care of myself in general, and see the joys of living even in the most mundane things. My insomnia disorder prevents me from having a stable sleep schedule for more than two weeks at most. I have severe Agoraphobia where I can't even leave the house by myself unless I am escorted by my partner or for medical appointments. However, because after my father's passing I decided to obliged my mother's insistence on visiting her and my brother in Florida, and because I spend my days "writing, drawing, playing video games and talking to friends" I am not considered disabled.

I cannot work. I cannot do ANY kind of work. Freelance, a normal 9 to 5, nothing. The combinations of my mental and physical disabilities prevent me from maintaining and sustaining a job. However, I'm being told that I'm not eligible for Disability for the bajillionth time and I feel hopeless. I feel worthless. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to live in a society that won't provide me with a job I CAN do for a livable wage, and refuses to acknowledge that I cannot do the work it wants me to?

I've been in tears all day, ranging from hatred at myself for things that I cannot control (I.E. "Maybe you're just too lazy/maybe they're right) to hatred of the world I live in (I.E. "Greedy people don't want me to get help, they want me to be a good little dog and slave away at jobs I cannot maintain) but never the less, left feeling utterly hopeless. I can't financially support my friends when they are struggling. I cannot even buy myself new clothes to wear. I can't buy the new video game console I wanted, and I won't be able to repair/replace my computer/phones if it ever breaks on me and I don't have a warranty. If not for food stamps, I wouldn't even be able to afford food. If not for the Student loan income based repayment program, I would be in absolute financial ruin.

With the state of the government taking away my right as a human to get an abortion, I do not have confidence that I will even have these government-funded programs for much longer. I fear for my safety and my life. I will not survive like this. My only hopes are to randomly get the "discipline" these fuckers think I can get, and maintain a job that way. That, or write the next biggest hit novel/video game/comic/streaming/whatever that comes to market.

So my only options of survival are: get lucky, or break your body and get to work.

[heshoes]

Uni Daze

She was his best friend and they shared everything together already anyway. What difference would it make if it were a hat, shampoo, or the same bed sometimes? So what? That's what the Uni Daze were about, having fun, traditions, getting serious, new relationships, friendships, heart ache, break-ups, make ups, secrets, the occasional/casual bajingo here and there, and possibly, just maybe, finding the love of your life and hoping that it all works out.

Warnings: Slow burn, smut, angst, mentions of abortion, mentions of verbal abuse

Pairing: Harry Styles x OFC ( face claim Zendaya)

Uni Daze Masterlist

Chapter 4 (word count 11.2k)

Harry

Usually a busy day keeps me grounded and out of any possible trouble that Michelle could help get me into, but today was different. It seems like whenever there was something toolook forward to, the day seems to drag and the minute and second hands on the clock move at a non existent pace. Any other day I would almost dread going to work the front desk in the first year halls though I know it had to be done. Today, however, I looked at it as four hours that I could use to talk to Rion.

There was a two hour gap in my time frame today due to a professor sending out a bullshit email telling us the reasons as to why his class was cancelled. He was one of the youngest professors at the university with a track record of hanging out with his student's. But what he did behind the closed doors with Lumen, the girl who lived down the hall from Michelle and I was none of my business.

After I'd taken the spare time to shower, change clothes, and read a chapter and a half ahead in my anatomy text I found myself antsy and ready to go to work, much to Michelle's amusement.

"Just sit down. You have twenty minutes left yet. Did you not have some kind of I'm an important person meeting that you could have went to? Or any equations that you could crack in hopes to surpass both Galileo and Einstein combined? Over achiever."

"Michelle, your grade mark average has been higher than mine since birth and I'm older than you."

“True. But I just don't put as much effort into it as you do."

"That's what makes it all the more annoying. No, I don't have any meetings lined up for senior class. You could be a part of it you know. All you have to do is come to a meeting."

"I'll pass on that. Thanks."

"It looks good on job applications."

"And so does First Class Honors at an Ivy League Uni." Michelle spoke, paying little attention to me as she smiled down at her phone. Ten minutes had passed before I stood from the couch, drawing Michelle's attention again. She smirked at me while shaking her head.

"I'm gonna walk. It's a nice night out, plus if I work a little earlier I get paid more and that doesn't hurt."

"No, I'm sure it doesn't. Especially if you're not really in it for the money in the first place, Hershey. Ask her out today, yeah?"

"I just enjoy talking to her. I don't want to ask her out. It's too soon. It's cliche."

"Says the man who was turned down once and then gave up completely. You don't have to date her Harrow, but stop lying to yourself. It gets you nowhere fast. Ask her to the party."

****

The walk to the first year halls was quicker than I expected. I wasn't sure if it was due to the distraction of the scenery change or my pace, but a fifteen minute stroll was cut down to one that only took ten. When I walked into the double doors I saw her again, seated at the front desk with her eyes focused on the pages of her book taking in each word with a lazy grin on her face.

“Hi Rion. How are you?" I asked somewhat loud, causing her to jump. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you."

“No, it’s fine. I didn't see you walking up. I should pay better attention sitting here. Sometimes I just get so engrossed in the words that I forget what's going on around me. How are you this evening?"

I grinned at her before running a hand through my hair and taking the hair tie that I'd stolen from Michelle off of my wrist before pulling it halfway up.

"I'm alright, but I think I asked you a question first.” Rion looked down at her half way finished novel that she had barely scratched the surface of on Monday and then smiled up at me as I made my way around the desk, taking the seat next to hers.

"I'm doing quite well actually. I have no real complaints." Her face dropped.

"That face that you're making is telling me that the last thing that you said was a lie. Clearly."

"Well..."

"Go on. Say it." I grinned while pushing my chair back and resting my feet on the shelf of the desk in front of us.

"My flatmate."

"Yeah?"

"She had company last night.” Rion's voice lowered to a whisper and her cheeks twinged the lightest shade of pink.

"And?"

"And they were very...loud. I didn't get much sleep and every time I had time between classes and I went back to my dorm to take a nap I would always oversleep. I could swear I was late to almost every class today, but my professors were kind of understanding. They all cut me a break because I'm new." Rion rested her head in her hands before she began to shake it back and forth. "I mean I don't want to be that girl who switches dorm flats because their flatmate makes them uncomfortable. She's a really nice girl you know?"

"Uh-huh." I chuckled. I didn't mean to laugh at her misfortune and bad day, but she looked so distressed while explaining it all. No wonder she was rushing about today.

"But I can't risk being late to class, or miss classes because her and her girlfriend insist on having loud goes at each other. My parents had to pay so much for tuition here and I'm working at least three jobs to pay the loans I've taken out myself."

"Yeah that's-Wait what did you say?"

"I said I'm working three jobs to pay off loans and my parents for school and-"

"Wait, no. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off, but what did you say before that?"

"My flatmate and her girlfriend have loud goes at each other."

"Your flatmate is a girl?"

"Yes." Rion tilted her head, looking at me as if I'd lost it. When you live on campus, the dorms are usually co-ed, but the actual rooms aren't.

"And you said she had a girlfriend?" It wouldn't be her. It can't be.

"Yes she's a les-"

"Lesbian."

"Yeah. And it's not that, that makes me uncomfortable. I believe love is love no matter who you find it with. It's just that they were so loud and I think sex is a very private and sacred thing… And I mean it was so disrespectful because Alison knows that I have to be up so early for my first class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday but she was— they were both...and then there was this buzzing sound. I think toys were involved."

I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it. The mix of the story, the situation, and the toys made it too good to be true. Rion pouted, but I could still see a trace of a smile on her lips.

“Sorry. It's not funny. You were just making a funny face. Did you say your flatmate's name was Alison?"

"Yeah. Do you know her?"

"No." It's really not a lie. I don't know her.

"Oh. She's a really sweet girl, but I need sleep."

"You do. Three jobs is a lot to juggle. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough."

"You do though. You work, you have more classes than I do, and you're president of senior class. We both are tackling a lot…But, I can't help but feel like something is missing from the equation for the both of us. I just can't quite put my finger on it."

“Yeah, me either. Do you know Alison's girlfriend. Have you seen her?" I don't know why I'm hoping that there's a chance that this Alison is playing the same game that Michelle is or that it's a completely different girl.

"No. I'm sure that she said it at some point last night, but I put my earphones in to try and muffle the sound as much as possible." Rion sighed as she turned around to face the desk again, looking back down at her book.

"It kind of sounds like you need an escape." I say, hoping that she would turn back around to face me.

“It's only the start of the year. Usually I'd be fine, but I'm already tired. Cambridge comes with a price, but I'm more than willing to pay it. A get away sounds good."

"Well, there's this party on Saturday that practically the whole school contributes in. I've even seen some professors there, the younger ones at least."

"Really? At a school like this?"

"Rion, Cambridge may seem mysterious, with all of its prestige, low acceptance rates, and student's who attend with big brains, but it’s a university first. Parties exist here and because we're not supposed to be considered a school known for parties, they exist a little bit more than your regular university. We just keep it a secret. You should come."

"I'm not really that much of a partier. The last one I went to was after I finished all of my GCSE. I was talking to this boy that I liked and I'd never really drank that much, but I was with my friends and peer pressure and all... It just didn't end well."

"Let me guess. You threw up on him?"

"No... I— I can't! I can't tell you it was so embarrassing!" Rion laughed covering her mouth before she stood up to help a first year out. I swear its only Wednesday and more than a fourth of the first years who live in this building have already lost their keys. I'm sure that after the party on Saturday and the excessive drinking that's going to take place there's going to be a line outside the door for key replacements.

Chelle: I'm so bored so I'm gonna clean the apartment. Starting in the living space, then your room, then mine. Anything that might stick to my fingers if I touch it this time? 😜😷

To Chelle: Don't clean my room! It's already clean! And please don't tell me you touched anything in my bin?😨😳

Chelle: I haven't, but I assume the worst. And I may or may not have changed your name in my phone to Mr. Tissue. I will never let you live that down.

To Chelle: Call one of your bitches and leave my shit alone, pimp daddy. I'm buying a lock for my door.🔒

Chelle: 😼Bitches? What good will a lock do when I'll have the spare? 🔐👀

To Chelle: We'll discuss this when I get home. I’m Busy.  🗣DO NOT TOUCH MY SHIT!

"You alright?" Rion asked pulling me out of my text war with Mitchell.

"Oh, yeah. Just texting my flat mate."

"Mitch, right?"

"Yeah," I snickered, shaking my head while thinking about the well being of my things, "So are you going to tell me what happened when you were at this party years and years ago talking to the boy you liked?"

"Ugh, no I can't. I absolutely can't embarrass myself that much again. It would be like reliving it."

"I'll tell you one of mine. My most embarrassing, but you've got to tell me yours first.” Rion hid her head in her hands peeking out at me between her fingers and laughing.

"Fine. But please don't judge me. It was my first time being drunk. Promise?"

"I promise that I might not be able to not laugh and I won't judge you but tease you for it later."Rion squinted her eyes at me processing what I said before she turned around facing away from me in her swivel chair. I heard her take a deep breath before she started.

"I'd never been drunk before and we were at this party because everyone finished their GCSE. We weren't really old enough to drink-"

"No shit?"

"Don't interrupt," she laughed dragging out the words, "All of the toilets were taken in the house so I was waiting outside of this one when Flynn came up to talk to me-"

I laughed out loud for the third time today and the story wasn't even over. "His name was Flynn?"

"Yes. He was very cute! Let me finish!"

"Okay, soz."

"So we were talking and I was really drunk and I really had to go and....I peed! Don't laugh! You said you wouldn't judge me!” Laughing was an understatement. My stomach hurt and my eyes started to water.

"You pissed yourself?!"

"I didn't talk to anyone for a week, even my best friend for letting me get that drunk."

"Why didn't you go wee outside?"

"Well it's so easy for boys to do that isn't it? You can just whip it out, shake it off, and put it away. Girls have layers that they have to get through, and I'm a lady."

"A lady who wet herself."

"And what's your story?"

"And it appears that we're out of time."

"Oh no you don't!" She laughed wiping the corner of her eye and pouting, "You promised!"

"Alright I guess. I was out with one of my friends and his parents had just gotten divorced so he was living with his mum at the time. We'd went to a bar and I'd gotten so drunk that I forgot where I was-"

"That's it?"

"No, I wish it was but no. We went back to his place because my mum doesn't like me drinking and I didn't want to hear her nag. But when I got back to his place, I started stripping off."

"You didn't!"

"I did. I took off everything.... Everything. My friends mum was at work at the time but when she came home the next morning I was ass naked in her hallway sleeping on the floor...on my back...and it was morning...My friend had went in his room and closed the door. But, now every time I come home to visit him and his mum is there she winks at me and pinches my bum."

Rion was in tears the same way that I was a few minutes ago and I didn't even care that the story was embarrassing, because her laugh was as cute as she was. I looked at my phone to check the time and our shift would be over in five minutes. Any other day time would have dragged on, but it always seems when I'm here with her it goes by a little faster.

"I can't believe that." Rion spoke while wiping her eyes again.

"Well believe it, because it happens every time. Makes for a good story though." We both started to gather our things to leave but before we left the building, Rion tore a sheet of paper from her notebook and began to write on it.

"Here. Um, that's my number. I don't know about the party just yet because I have to check my work schedules and everything else, but I don't know. Just text me sometime before then?"

"Sure. I mean yeah of course I will.”

Rion grinned at me while biting her bottom lip before walking away and the walk home that usually took fifteen minutes now felt as if it only took five.

****

I closed the door behind me with an exhaled  breath and  a smile on my face before  inhaling the scent of pine and citrus. Michelle poked her head out into the hallway that led to the door where I stood before she stepped out of the kitchen fully wearing pink rubber gloves, a pair of my favorite Green Bay sweats, and a t-shirt that also happened to be mine.

“Honey, I'm home."

"Bitches?"

"Excuse me?" I looked at my best mate confused as she crossed her arms across her chest after removing the gloves from her hands,  tilting her head to the side as she spoke again.

"You said I have bitches, Styles. Apparently there's more to discuss."

I walked away from the door removing my work shirt and tossing it at Michelle. She tried to move out of the way and dodge the laundry that I'd threw at her but it still landed on her shoulder. She shrugged it off, causing it to land on the floor before shouting at me.

"I've just cleaned this entire apartment and you come in here making a mess! Pick it up and take it to you're room you quadruple nippled fuck."

"Girls don't mind my bonus nipples. It even sometimes becomes interesting foreplay, when I was having sex that is."

"Gross!"

I laugh and duck when she launches the shirt back to me causing it to land in in a pile on the kitchen floor. We both look at it and step over it before I grab two beers out of the refrigerator, one for myself and one for Chelle.When I try to hand her the beverage, she frowns at the twist off cap and then pouts at me causing me to scowl before I open it for her.

"You're so useless sometimes, Chelle."

"Says the man who doesn't clean, yet looks around at a spotless household that smells of cinnamon. I wonder who did that? Ah, it must have been the useless one. Now," Michelle spoke before clicking the neck of her beer with mine and then taking a sip, "What's this about my bitches?"

I chuckled as I took a gulp of my drink and headed for the living-room with Michelle close behind. We sat on the couch on on opposite ends of each other, relaxing after a long day as we usually do.

"Maybe not bitches in the plural sense. Maybe there's just one?"

Michelle stretched out on the couch putting her mitch-matched sock clad feet on my lap, drawing a displeased look from me but ignoring it entirely as she dramatically massaged her temples with her free hand.

"I can't deal with your game of clue today. The chemicals from the cleaning made my brain go fuzzy and I don't think the beer is helping. Just tell me what you think you know so I can tell you that you're wrong as usual."

I smiled at her, placing my half finished beer bottle on the table in front of us and then began massaging her calves causing her to close her eyes and hum in appreciation before taking another swig of her drink.

"Alison."

Michelle opened one of her eyes before quickly closing it again.

"What about her?"

"Was she a part of your plans B and C last night? Because something or someone tells me that she may have been." Michelle's eyes snapped open and she looked at me in shock. "It's okay if you like her. You can't help who you like."

"I don't like anyone," Michelle looked down briefly at her lap as she shrugged off my discovery. If I've learned anything about her from being her friend its that when she fails to make eye contact, she's lying. "Gianna stood me up last night and Alison was my backup plan. It's simple. I got what I wanted and left in the morning before she even woke up."

"Okay," I smirked at her before picking up my beer again, finishing what was left of it.

"I'm serious. I don't like anyone. I don't feel anything for anyone anymore. Senior year, up the ante, remember? I barely like you."

"Alright," I chuckled before pushing her legs off of me, returning to the kitchen to grab another drink.

"Harry!"

"I believe you, I believe you. You you're an emotionless drone," I spoke as I opened the refrigerator, "We need to go to the grocery store. This is getting ridiculous. We don't have anything in here besides beer, fizzy drinks, and water."

"There are plenty of noodle cups in the cabinet. We'll just tell people we're on an all liquid diet if we ever get visitors. We're not done talking about the other thing. Stop changing the subject. How did you even know I was at Alison's last night?"

I closed the door to the refrigerator with a smirk on my face walking past Michelle to go back into the living room. She followed behind me while lighting a candle that smells like oranges to keep the citrus scent going.

"Well? Come on Har. I don't want to have to chase you around the apartment all day for answers."

"Make me a noodle cup and bring me a bottle of water and I'll tell you."

"You were just in the kitchen!" Michelle speaks as she throws her lighter at me but does what I ask.

When she gets back, she hands me a fork and places the bottle of water on the table in front of me. I smile at her as a thank you before I speak.

"Rion."

"What?"

"Small world right? Or, small campus? Rion, is Alison's flatmate and she kind of, she heard you two last night. I mean, unless that wasn't you and there's another girl named Alison on campus? She said you guys kept her up because you both were too loud."

"There very well could be another Alison, Harry. It's not like there are only four lesbians that exist on earth. But Rion? The girl that you work with? The one that you have the hots in the pants for, Rion?"

"Yes and I don't just like her that way."

"Hm. Of course you do, you've only known her for three days..."

"What, hm? What do you have to say about her?"

"Oh, nothing except Alison calls her prudence. She says she's a real goody good and she's annoying."

"Thats sad," I say as I finish all that I was going to of my noodles leaving the rest for Michelle to eat. She takes the cup from my hands and takes a bite while looking at me to finish what I was going to say, "Rion says Alison's really nice and sweet."

“Well, I don't know. Rion may very well be Princess Peach. You know I don't do girly gossip. It gets on my last nerve. Alison just feels the need to talk to me when I'm there and its like shut the fuck up, girl. I didn't come over here to hear you talk, now get between my legs and-"

"Woah! Okay, and Mitchel is back. How are ya bro? I haven't really seen you in a few days."

"Fuck off Harry." Michelle laughs. "I hear the sordid details of you and the lads sexcapades all the time...well not you so much now, but you know what I was getting at."

"Yeah but, it's kind of different..."

"How?" Chelle quirked an eyebrow and turned her head looking to me for an answer that I'm not sure that I wanted to give her.

"Well, because... I um... and it's just that sometimes-"

"Wait! Harry you pervert! You get turned on by it don't you? It gives you a stiffy?"

"No!"

"Yes! Yes it does! You're turning all red!"

“No it doesn’t, Michelle!"

"Then what's your valid reason?"

I couldn't think of a lie fast enough and Michelle started to laugh, nasty snort and all. I took a pillow from the couch and threw it at her, making her fall backwards on the floor and stay there, using the pillow to her advantage as she lied down on the throw rug that covered the majority of the hardwood flooring in the living room. Our apartment was pretty nice considering that it was still school property, then again we did luck out putting in our bid in order to get into the newer buildings.

"Okay Hersh, I'll keep my dirty details to a minimum for the sake of your tight trousers. I can only imagine that, that gets uncomfortable. Anyway, did you ask prudence- sorry, Rion, to the party this weekend?"

"I did." I smile as I think about the neatly folded piece of paper in my pocket with her number written across it.

"What did she say?" Michelle looks up at me from her place on the floor.

"She said that she's not really that much of a party person." I smiled again a bit harder than I had before.

"So she's not going and she turned you down again? Maybe she is a prude. Don't worry about it Harry, there are plenty of other girls out here on campus just as smart, if not smarter than she is, prettier, and who will appreciate you for- What are you smiling about? Why are you so giddy from being turned down twice?"

I chuckled to myself while shaking my head and standing from my place on the couch, stretching before going towards my room.

"I didn't necessarily get turned down."

I could hear Michelle's footsteps close behind me as I walked into my room. She'd been in here. I can tell not only because of the clothes that she wore to clean that were mine, but because I could still faintly smell her perfume. Nothing was on the floor anymore and she even made my bed. I looked around the room and then back at her before I sat, grabbing one of the neatly placed pillows to put under my head, then lied back on it with my legs hanging over the edge of the mattress.

"Before you say anything, you'll be able to find your things. I just put everything where it’s supposed to normally go."

"I wasn't going to say anything besides thank you. I'm still buying a lock for my door, but thank you."

Michelle rolled her eyes. Something she calls a brainless trait. When she catches herself she covers her face in embarrassment before she continues to bother me, taking a seat  next to me on the bed. "So how is Rion's telling you that she's not a party girl, not necessarily turning you down?"

"She gave me her number. You know, for someone who doesn't like to hang out with girls you surely do a lot of girly gossip. You're so nosey, Jesus."

"Oh please, Harrow. You wanted to tell me just as bad if not worse than I wanted to know. Are you going to call her tonight?"

“No. That's too forward and desperate. I'll text her tomorrow or something."

"You're such a teenaged girl. You think about things too much instead of just doing them. Sometimes I wonder if you have a bajingo where your penis should be. If she gave you her number its because she wants a call.”

"Go fuck off somewhere else Mitchel! And by the way, those joggers and that shirt are mine. Thief."

Michelle stood from the bed with a smirk on her face before she took off my shirt and my sweats, folding them precisely before she put them in my washing basket. I kept my eyes on her face when she looked back at me and I swear that I tried to keep my eyes on her face the entire time, but I would be lying if I said that my eyes didn't roam over her  smooth skin when she wasn't looking at me. I closed my eyes quickly and turned my head away. Hearing her laugh was the only evidence that I had to let me know that she was still standing in my room.

"I didn't say take off my clothes right now. God, Chelle don't be so literal. Go dress yourself!"

"I have on underwear! And you took off your shirt when you came through the door. AND I've seen you walk around in your boxers plenty. Is there some sort of double standard because I'm a woman?”

"That's not the point! And yes there is! Please go put on trousers and a shirt?"

“Whatever, Harry. I'm going to bed. Clearly I'll have to sleep this way because it's hot as hell fire in my room. It's a shame that this is a new building but they still didn't bother to make sure that the ventilation was right before they stuck people in it. Good night and all that."

"Night." I looked towards Chelle and then looked away again as she began to walk out of my room, her nicely rounded bum bounced as she closed the door behind her.

****

Saturday came quickly. Too quickly for my liking, and I hadn't text Rion or called her at all. I didn't want to seem desperate, but perhaps waiting three days made it seem like I wasn't interested? I hadn't seen her at work for the past two days because she has two other jobs to juggle. I'd hoped that she could get off for today, however, even though I haven't said a word to her.

"Just call her. Stop being a chicken shit. The party is tonight, and I'm rooting for you, Styles." Michelle spoke as we walked down the aisles of Sainsbury Supermarket. We'd been here for nearly half an hour and had nothing in our cart except beer, noodle cups, frozen pizza's and a bottle of Goldschläger for tonight. Broke college students can afford alcohol when they can't afford anything else.

"Are we going to buy any real food, or is this about as good as it gets?" I asked, ignoring Michelle's comment.

"What? We've got plenty. Plus I think there are chicken nuggets in there and that's a delicacy for us. Don't avoid what I've said to you."

"I haven't avoided anything, and we would be able to get more than chicken nuggets and noodles if you would just call your parents."

Michelle hesitated before she looked back at me and then back down at her list. She doesn't call her parents much to ask for money if she can avoid it. Her mum isn't doing so well health wise and to the best of my knowledge she hasn't been for some years now. The doctors thought that she had leukemia, but apparently they've only just discovered that's not the case. I think it's what drives Michelle's dream to become a doctor. She's eager to find out what's going on with her mum so that she can be the one to cure it.

She glanced at her phone having an internal battle with herself on whether she should ring home or not. I felt bad for asking her and I normally wouldn't, but I'm running low on funds myself. I usually get a stipend every other week from my mum and paid every other Friday from my shitty job, but unfortunately I'm between pay checks and for some reason my mum is late.

Michelle decided against my idea putting her phone back in her pocket.

"We're in our last year of uni. What would it look like if we resorted to calling our parents to wire us food money? You call yours if you're so hungry."

"It would look like we're both working shit jobs barely making wage and paying to rent out the apartment that we have so that we can finish out this last year with a roof over our heads. I wouldn't ask you to usually, but is an emergency. I asked my parents last time. It's your turn."

“Well, we can just get rid of something then if we don't have enough." Michelle stopped the cart and began to sift through the contents inside it, moving over ten cups of noodles out of the way and the one bag of chicken nuggets that we had. When her hand landed on the alcohol, we both looked at each other and shook our heads no. "Fuck," Michelle groaned under her breath, "Fine I'll ask my parents tomorrow. Let’s just get this for now and get out of here."

When we left the grocery store, after loading all four of our bags into my car, Michelle got quiet while looking out the window. I still hadn't told her that Louis is planning on meeting up with me and the lads to drink before we go just to prove that he's not one of those people and usually, now days anyway, wherever Louis is Michelle is far away and vice versa. I figure that there's no better time to tell her rather than now while she's quiet, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. She seemed lost in thought, but there's still a smile on her face.

I cleared my throat causing her to look at me quizzically with an eyebrow raised.

"Um, so.."

"Yes?"

"About the party tonigh-"

"No you don't!" Michelle cut in not allowing me to finish what I was going to say as we pulled up to our apartment. "You're not cutting out of this. Gosh, Harry, I know that you want to be more serious and that this year and I'm sorry for not using the Ultimate Alarm the other day when you were in an alcoholic hibernation, but it's a Saturday. Can you not have fun on Saturdays?" Michelle frowned pouting a bit.

"I'm going to the party, if that's what that speech was pertaining to at all? I wasn't going to say that I'm not going."

"Oh. Well then by all means continue." She smiled this time, happy with herself because she didn't have to argue her case any further.

"Yeah, I um, I'm going to the party, but Louis wanted me and the lads to meet up with him before we go. Pre-gaming and all that." I spoke quickly hoping that she didn't mind or hear what I said for that matter. Her eyes stayed straight forward, looking outside the windshield before she replied.

"All of you?"

"Yeah. He kind of asked about it earlier this week when I saw him...But you know we'll hang out at the party and stuff."

She nodded her head. It was the only response she'd given as her eyes stayed on the boot of the car in front of us.

"Are you alright with it? I can always-"

"Don't worry about it, Harrow. You were his friends first after all, and we live with each other. I'm tired of seeing your ugly mug anyway." Michelle laughed while patting my cheek and I shoved her hand off of me. "Plus, we all know I have bitches that I need to tend to so it's fine."

She covers up how she truly feels with a joke and all of a sudden I feel guilty.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah it's fine. You're very much a pleaser, Harrow. Did you know that?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I parked the car and grabbed the groceries out of the back seat to go upstairs.

"You can't please everyone. In the end someone is going to have to be let down or hurt. That's the way of life. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, Harry. That's what I mean."

Michelle sighed as she walked ahead of me, using her keys to unlock the door to our flat. I put the groceries and my things down in the kitchen before I went for a wee, all the while trying to figure out where the hell that last bit of our conversation was coming from, but when I came out of the bathroom she was back to acting like her normal self.

"Since you're leaving me to fend for myself tonight," Michelle spoke holding up two double shot glasses filled to the brim with alcohol, "We didn't buy this for nothing." She spoke in reference to the Goldschläger that ate up the majority of our money and bit her bottom lip while smiling at me.

I winced, already feeling the burn of the liquid going down my throat, before looking at my watch.

"It's only five. No one is going to start drinking until at least nine. You're trying to kill me. I said sorry for agreeing to go with Louis and the lads. Why are you making me do this?"

"Harry, when we were first years we drank early all the time."

"And my liver paid for it."

"Oop, Harry what's that?"

I looked over my shoulder confused before I looked back over to Michelle.

"What's what?"

"Is that a bajingo between your legs where you penis should be?" Michelle started to laugh while pointing in that general area.

"Piss off Chelle!" I spoke before walking up to the table and grabbing the shot that she'd placed there for me. I held it up to eye level inspecting it first. There was something floating in the glass.

"It's actually gold," Michelle said seeing the confusion written clean across my face, "hence the name Goldschläger."

"So we can afford to drink gold flecks in alcohol, but we can't afford real food?"

"I'm going to call my parents tomorrow I said, Mr. Sensable. Now shut up and down it!"

I looked at Michelle shaking my head as we clinked glasses and turned the shot up to our lips. The burn of it made my eyes water and when I looked at Michelle, hers were doing the same. I picked up the bottle on the table and read it before Michelle took it from my hands, pouring us both another shot.

"This is forty-five percent alcohol."

"Yes. It's strong. So, so strong." She nodded as if she already knew.

"We'll be trashed if we keep drinking this. We probably wouldn't even make it to the party." I spoke before I walked over to the refrigerator to grab us beers, hoping that she would switch substances.

"No we won't. I won't let us miss it. But legend has it that this is supposed to get you drunk quickly. The gold flecks supposedly make microscopic cuts in your esophagus so the alcohol can get into your bloodstream faster. Cheers." Michelle handed me the shot glass again as if after hearing that I would want to drink it again.

"Michelle that's horrible. I don't want to-"

"Just take one more shot of it and then we'll just sip beer until you leave to go meet up with Louis and the rest of the lads."

Her eyes were pleading and I couldn't tell her no. We both flipped our heads back as he downed the shots and with in a peer pressured hour, ten shots and two beers later, there was a sloppy grin on my face and I my vision was doubled. Michelle however seemed fine.

"Your alcohol tolerance has lowered dramatically. It’s almost seven. What time were you going to go to Louis'?"

"In an hour."

"I'll drive you." She spoke as she sat against the couch taking out her phone and laughing at my facial expression.

"You had just as much to drink as I have. You can't drive."

"I can. I've got a buzz but that's all. You're trashed. I only had three shots. The other seven you took alone." I looked at her in shock. How could she have tricked me that way? I swear she was drinking too. Michelle laughed and I could already tell that she was recording me. "I'm putting this on instagram."

"Don't! I really hate you." I slurred while pointing at her, only causing her to laugh more.

"You need to loosen up, especially for your hot date tonight. There's no point in you being so uptight at the start of the quarter. I'll let you go back to your boring self when Monday comes around again." She pulled her phone away from me as I tried to take it from her. "You might want to check your phone by the way. It seems you have a message."

I looked down at the notification that showed on the screen, squinting my eyes to try and focus on what was there. When my eyes adjusted, I almost felt sober.

Rion: I was starting to think that maybe you'd forgotten about me. I checked my schedule and I'm actually free tonight. I don't know how long I'll stay, but I'll meet you there. Alison is going so I'll just be with her.

My eyes widened before I scrolled up to see what I supposedly said.

To Rion: Hiiiii, It's Harry. Sorry for being such a stupid arsehole and not texting you sooner, but would you still want to go to that party tonight?

"You texted Rion?"

"Yup."

"But I-I'm not...Fuck!"

"What? You like her right? I've done you a favor."

"Yeah, but—“

"No but's. You either like her or you don't and if you do and if she likes you, which she does, obviously, then you have the go ahead to call. She wanted you to call. She clearly likes you. She's excited and so are you. You're just nervous. You haven't been on a date in six months or maybe more? But, this should be like riding a bike, if you will. I've removed your kickstand, now all you have to do is pedal."

I looked at Michelle and shook my head before I went in my room to find something to wear for tonight, deciding on the usual skinny jeans and oversized shirt, leaving a few of the buttons in the front undone as I stumbled into the living room to wait for Michelle. She reappeared from her room shortly after I did wearing black leather looking tight pants and some sort of red cut off shirt along with her fake glasses and red lips. She looked beautiful and I could only think that she was doing so for Alison.

As much as Chelle would doubt it, I think the player may have taken an interest in one that's supposed to be a pawn in her dating game. All I can hope for is that Alison treats her right. She deserves someone who would.

"What's the point of wearing a shirt if it’s barely buttoned, Styles? And it's see through. I mean I guess kudos for buttoning the three buttons you did bother with correctly." It could be because I'm drunk, but I could have sworn that I saw her look me up and down...not necessarily in a friendship manner. I ignored her while grinning and standing from the couch before she grabbed the Goldschläger again pouring us both another shot. "One for the road?"

"I'll take it if you take it first you lying Judas. I'm already drunk enough as it is."

Michelle cringed before she threw her head back downing the shot, eyes watering again by how strong of a burn the cinnamon schnapps left behind. I did the same and then took another for the hell of it since I wouldn't be driving tonight. Michelle eyed me as I walked down the stairs and to her car as if I would fall.

"Stop watching me and walk yourself."

"Someone has to watch out for you. You're clumsy enough as it is, bambi. Adding alcohol to the mix is a disaster waiting to strike."

"Says the absolute asshole who got me drunk in the first place."

"Oh yeah...That's right." Michelle smiled victoriously before she spoke again, clearing her throat before hand, "Uh, so, since I'm taking you to Louis' place where does he stay? I know he must have moved from where we lived before..." Her face dropped slightly.

"With his bird about five blocks over... Sorr-"

"It's fine." Michelle started her car, looking through the windscreen straight ahead like she did earlier as she drove and listened to the directions I gave her, telling he where to turn.

When we pulled up in front of the house, Niall was outside on the porch with a beer in his hand, smoking a cigarette. No doubt because Hollie put him out of the house, not wanting anything to smell like stale smoke.

"Harry! Hi Mitch!" He waved to us as he stumbled over to the car clearly drunk himself and louder than usual. "You're staying too, Michelle?" She shook her head no while smiling half way at Niall as I got out of the car. "You should stay. This thing, whatever it is, between you and Lou is ridiculous. You guys were so close and it can get there again. Just get out of the car and-"

"I can't Ni, I have somewhere to be, myself." Michelle's eyes begged Niall to be more quiet but he didn't get the hint. He was going to speak again, but was cut off by Lou as he walked out onto his porch with Hollie close behind. He didn't notice that Michelle was with us until I moved to walk towards the house.

"Lads!"

I looked from Michelle to Louis then back to Michelle again and as I did I saw her eyes widen right before she cursed under her breath. Louis paused in his steps, and his eyebrows drew together slightly before he spoke.

"Michelle." He nodded at her as a greeting gesture making everything more awkward.

"Louis."

"Mitch can stay right?" In that moment everyone looked at Niall as he took another drunken, oblivious drag off of his cigarette and it appeared that everyone wanted to punch him in the face, including me.

"No actually I was just leaving. Enjoy your night boys. Be safe, Harrow. I'll see you later yeah?"

I nodded my head before she spoke a simple "good," and sped off as quickly as her car could take her. Louis took a deep breath, shaking his head before smiling at us and inviting us in for more booze. I honestly didn't think that I would drink anymore tonight, but after that I felt the need to.

Niall dropped his cigarette and stepped on it while shrugging his shoulders at me as we followed behind Louis into the house where everyone else sat.

“Read the room next time, yeah?” I spoke under my breath hoping that only Niall would hear me.

“What room? It’s stupid that they don’t talk anymore. For fucks sake he was going t’ marry—”

“I know, Niall. I know.” I interrupted Niall mid sentence and could not help but notice the hitch in my jaw, that became more sore than it had been in a while.

 We all spoke as we walked in the house and I put the topic behind me in order to proceed on with the rest of the night and  for the first time in a while I was happy that the liquor continued to flow. It  seemed to put me and everyone else around in the right mindset for one of the biggest parties of the year, but Louis still seemed somewhat flustered about seeing Michelle for the first time since they called things off. I know Michelle probably didn't feel the best either and I tried to text her to see if she was alright, but I got no response.

Chelle: Are you okay, Chelle? I'm so sorry about that. Didn't know that he would come outside.

Though I got no response to my text, I expected to see Michelle as soon as we got to The Barn. The title of the bar was fitting as it was out closer towards farmland and covered in red paint as it actually was previously a stable. It was crowded with everyone from students to professors indulging in what the night had to offer, but as I skimmed the crowd I began to get more anxious. We had been here for an hour. I was sure that by now that I would have run into her. Taking out my phone, I’d opted to give her a ring, but before I could unlock my screen my phone began to buzz in my hand.

"Hello?" I slurred on the line while closing my opposite ear with my finger so that I could hear whoever it was I was talking to.

"Harry?" The deafening music and noise in the background made it almost impossible to hear.

"No, this is Harry." hiccup “Who is this?"

"Harry, it's Rion can you hear me?"

I walked away from Niall, Darragh, and the rest of the lads as they prepared to make Niall do a keg stand; swaying as I went.

"Who is this?" I repeated trying to hear better, hoping that it was Michelle calling me back in response to the text I’d sent.

"Harry, it's Rion. Can you hear me now?"

"Rion?"

"Yes."

"Hi." I smiled as if she were in front of me, when in all actuality I was in the middle of the crowded street surrounded by a sea of strangers. A car honked at me just as I was about to cross back towards the party, causing me to step back so that I didn't get hit.

"Where are you?" She laughed into the phone causing me to smile again.

“Outside enjoying the weather. Are you here? At the party I mean."

"I am," when she spoke I could hear the smile in her voice, over the excessive chattering and music in the background. "Can you come to the doors near the front of the pub and meet me there?"

"Sure. Stay on the phone with me? You know, just until I find you." I slurred into the phone but Rion laughed again nonetheless.

"Of course...Is that you in the middle of the street? Please be careful if it is."

I looked around, confused as to how she could see me but I couldn't see her. I walked towards the pub again forcing my bleary eyes to focus until I spotted her, standing on a large rock that was just outside the door. When I reached her, I held out my hand to help her down. She took it and called me a gentleman before I said anything else.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" I asked as I looked down at her in her jean jacket and simple black dress that clung to her chest then flowed down to her feet.

"I guess. It's not that bad. Ten times better than the last party I went to already."

I laughed.

"You haven't drunk anything?"

"One mixed drink, but I didn't really finish it. Are you enjoying yourself?" She asked me as we began to walk to nowhere in particular.

"I am. A little bit more now, actually.” A slight blush came to Rion's cheeks before she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and I cleared my throat to continue. "Where's your flatmate?"

"Alison? I'm not sure. She said she was going to meet up with a friend of hers. The same girl that she was with the last time no doubt."

My mind went to Michelle as I checked my phone again and still I had no messages from her.

"So, she left you here?"

"I haven't seen her in the last hour... She could have. But if she did, I have no real way home now. She was my ride. I knew I should have just driven on my own."

I didn't say anything more, but I had the feeling that Alison bailed. I might have an idea as to who with and where to as well.

"Well, are you ready to go?" We ended up closer to the street facing in the direction of the campus. "The night is oddly nice for the end of August and the sky isn't as cloudy as it could be. We might miss getting rained on if we leave now."

"Do you have your car?" She asked looking towards me as if it were a deal breaker.

“No, but I would walk back with you. The parties aren't really my thing anymore. I just came to catch up with some friends. It was nice to get out. We're only about a 15 minute walk away from campus."

Rion looked towards the pub and then back at me again before she smiled and answered me sweetly.

"I'd love to get out of here with you."

Rion and I began walking, but as soon as we got a little bit past the corner where the party was being held at she stopped, causing me to stop as well and look back at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Are you going to tell any of your friends that you're leaving?" She asks while holding her dress up just past her ankles so it doesn't touch the ground.

I grin at her, absolutely ecstatic that she's giving me the chance to walk her back to her dorm room. If those tossers want to know where I went they know how to call. I guess Mitch really did do me a favor and I might owe her one after this.

"Oh, um...No. They're having a good time. I'm sure they won't even notice that I left. It's okay. Besides, I'm getting kind of tired anyway. I could always just shoot them a message."

Rion nods her head in agreement before we begin to walk again. Bunching the material of her dress in one hand in hopes not to step on it, I couldn't help but chuckle as I looked at her.

"Its so long. I love this dress but it's a bit of a hassle to wear." Rion comments, already knowing the reason for my amusement. I gently grab her hand to stop her once more and this time she looks at me with as soft smile forming on her lips.

"Here, let me..." I trailed off, gently taking her hand that had the fabric of her dress, causing her to let it go. Our eyes met as I slowly went down on my knees in front of her. If I would have gone too fast I'm sure I would have lost my balance or worse. It's almost a wonder that I can form a coherent sentence. All that I can hope is that I don't completely reek of alcohol.

I take the hem of the dress and tie a knot in it that's hopefully loose enough to undo when she gets home if she wants, and high enough so that she doesn't have to worry about stepping on it or have it sweep on the ground to get torn or dirty; just above her ankles. I'm not going to lie, when I was down there I looked at her feet and what I could see of her legs. I won't say I have a foot fetish or anything weird like that, but if a girls toes looks like they can pick up an orange with ease and whip it at the back of your head, it's kind of a turn off for me.

Her feet were beautiful aside from a few cuts here and there on her the tops of them. She even had a plaster or two on one of them, but somehow she even made that okay because they matched the purple coloring of her nail polish.

I stood after I was finished, and by the look on her face I must have been down there for a reasonable amount of time to make a knot, at least I hope I was. When I was looking at her feet, I had to make it not so noticeable that that's what I was doing. I don't want her to think I'm some kind of a freak.

"Thank you," she exclaimed while smiling, "I don't know why I didn't think of that."

"Yeah I saw some other girl do it and thought it made sense."

Rion smiled at me again and as we walked next to each other, her hand grazed mine; once, twice, three times before I grabbed it in my own. I saw her look over at me through her peripheral vision. It was a quick glance but I saw it nonetheless. I also saw her bite her bottom lip to try to prevent her smile from getting any bigger than it already was.

I didn't want to bust her out and embarrass her, but I did want to tease her a little. I gently squeezed her hand while biting my bottom lip to stop my smile from spreading much like she did, causing her to laugh before I changed the subject.

"The sky is really clear tonight. I can see Orion's Belt. It really might not rain after all."

"My namesake." Rion smirked.

"Sorry, what?" I spoke noticing that the party sounds were fading farther and farther into the distance.

"My mum is really into Greek mythology and constellations, so my name and its spelling came from Orion himself." She pointed towards the sky and the huge constellation before she looked back at me, slipping her hand back into mine purposefully.

"Cool story. And I'm not being a sarcastic asshole or anything by the way. That makes your name original." hiccup "And I like it a lot. I think my mum named me Harold because it was the only male name that begins with H and that comes after G that she could think of. Her creativity stopped after she realized that she wanted to put her kids names in alphabetical order." Rion laughed and nudged my arm.

"Don't talk about your mum. I think she might have chosen the name because Harry fits you. I've always liked that name."

"Have you now?" I asked with a smirk on my face and an eyebrow raised.

"I have."

"It's because of Prince Harry isn't it? Be honest."

"No it's-"

"Tell the truth."

"He's just so cute. He's the dreamiest ginger I've ever seen besides Ed Sheeran. All due respect to his royalness." Rion spoke causing me to laugh and shake my head before she continued. "Then again, all of the Harry's I've had the pleasure of meeting were pretty fit." She said looking over at me and then back up at the velvety black night sky speckled with beautiful stars.

"How many of us have you met?"

"Well...Just one so far."

I looked over at her as we finally reached a street that had lamp posts and she let out a small chuckle that sounded as if she were clearing her throat. Her eyes caught the light that lined the streets making her irises seem to brighten even though her eye color was dark brown.

We'd finally reached campus just as the clouds started to roll in at two in the morning and from there, I followed Rion's lead back to her dorm. In my three full years at Cambridge, I'd never been to this one in particular, but apparently, Michelle has. I saw her car in the parking lot. Something told me that she would be here, seeking comfort for the blow she received earlier. The sooner that she realizes that fucking doesn’t fix what hurts her, the better off she'll be. Part of me wants to bang on the door as soon as we get to the room, but I decide against it. All I cab hope that she’ll talk to someone eventually. If that someone happens to be Alison, then I'll be happy for her, I guess.

"Thank you, Harry. For getting me home safe and asking me to come out. I had fun for the amount of time I was there for." Rion leaned against her door, smiling while looking up at me.

"It was no problem. Thank, you for, you know, coming." I could hear myself wanting to ramble before I closed my mouth.

“Good night, then." Rion spoke, still smiling and then pausing.

"Goodnight."

Rion turned to unlock her door and when she got it open I turned to leave, but before I could go I could feel her pull my hand. When I turned she had a pout on her face.

"You know, you're really horrible at picking up on signals."

Huh?

"I-"

"I waited so patiently as well."

"I'm-"

"Three days. You didn't text me or say anything for three days. I didn't know what to think. I still don't."

"You're-"

"Oh shut up, Harry."

Rion crossed her arms over her chest and out of shock I closed my mouth, not really sure what to say or do. Rion squinted her eyes at me before shaking her head and turning to go into her little dorm before I stopped her, pulling her to me before I kissed her deeply, pushing her against the wall a bit to show her how it should be done.After it was over Rion sighed in content with her eyes still closed before reopening them slowly. I grinned against her lips before speaking knowing that I’d won her over.

"I didn't know what to think either to be honest. It's been a while."

Rion grabbed me by the front of my shirt, bringing my lips back down to hers.She pulled away, kissing the corner of my mouth making a trail to my ear and then kissing me right beneath my earlobe. There was no tongue involved at all but it still had been the most action than I'd gotten in months and it was still enough to leave us both breathless at the end of her antics. 

"Do you know what to think now?” She pushed her door open, speaking before she closed the door behind herself with a cheeky smile.

I’m not sure how long I stood there with a goofy grin on my face after it was all said and done, but when I got to the stairs my drunken mind allowed my legs to work properly and carry me down while still having the memory replay in my head.

I'd only gotten through the doors of the exit of her dormitory before my brain went to my pants, thinking that I might be able to get a good wank before I fell asleep with Rion's lips pressed against my jaw as the mental muse. Just when I thought about flushing any possible tissues instead of putting them in my bin, my phone rang.

"Harry?" Rion whispered into the phone, sounding on the agitated side.

"Rion? What's wrong?"

"She's at it again." Rion exhaled into the phone before I heard the creaking of a door, sounding as if it were being shut.

"Who's at what?"

"Alison and her, friend."

I started to chuckle, thinking of all of the ways that I would tease Michelle tomorrow when I saw her. I know that she's been active, but damn. She's got to be insatiable. I pictured her and Alison, terribly sweaty, gasping for air-

"Harry?"

"Sorry, what did you say?" Rion's voice snapped me out of getting too carried away in inappropriate thought again. Thoughts that I shouldn't venture into about my best pal.

"I really want to be able to sleep without being disrupted. Do you mind if I come to yours? I'll sleep on the couch, the floor, a chair. Anything you wouldn't mind sparing really."

“No, of course I don't mind."

Oh god.

"Are you sure? Should you ask your flatmate first? I wouldn't want to intrude on you or him."

My mind was swimming with a thousand things. Minor details that had the potential to be major. Is my room clean? When is the last time that I had a girl in my room that wasn’t Michelle? Do we have water bottles that I can offer Rion when we get into my flat if she's thirsty? Why does Rion think that Mitch is a guy?

“No… I uh, I'm alone for the night, actually. My flatmate is staying somewhere else I think." In your roommates' room, disrupting you currently.

"Thank you so much." Rion breathed out, sounding somewhat relieved.

"Yeah no problem. I'll turn around now."

"Oh shit, did you get far? I'm so sorry."

"No it's fine. I just got down the street a bit." I spoke as I neared her building again.

I saw her walking out in the same clothes she was wearing before. When she got to me, she thanked me again before we took the surprisingly short walk towards my flat.

"You live in the new buildings? Fancy."

"Yeah, it's alright. For it being new, the ventilation sucks in Mitch's room, but that's the only complaint we have."

I unlocked the door and turned the knob saying a silent prayer as we walked in, but I'd forgotten that Michelle cleaned the whole place, including my room despite my protest for her not to.  It was the first time that I’d been happy that she didn’t listen to me.

"It's really nice, Harry. You were being modest." Rion spoke as she tiptoed through the apartment, stopping in the living-room and taking a seat for herself before removing her sandals. "Really clean for two lads."

"Oh, actually-"

"Sorry, Harry. I don't want to interrupt, but do you think I could use the restroom first? I'm bursting to go."

I laughed while running my hand through my hair. "Sure. It's just down the hall. We wouldn't want a repeat of your last party."

Rion turned red, covering her mouth in a laugh and speaking to me as she walked down the hall.

"I really still can't believe I told you that."

While she was gone, I grabbed extra blankets from the linen closet and laid out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts of mine for her to wear on my bed. I also grabbed a bottle of water and put it on my desk for her in case she was thirsty, thankful that I made Michelle put some of those noodle cups back in exchange for it. Before I made my bed on the couch, I went into Michelle's room to steal one of her pillows but I’d gotten distracted easily. On her bedside table was a picture of the both of us taken last year. We were both pretty out of it and you can clearly tell in the photo, but in the midst of all the insanity Michelle was still alert and smiling at me while I was laughing and pulling her shirtsleeve with my teeth.

When I heard Rion leaving the bathroom I quickly left from Michelle's room, placing the photograph back down where I got it from and closing her bedroom door behind me.

"You'll be in my room. I've laid you out some things to make you more comfortable."

"Awe, Harry. I can take the couch really. I don't want to kick you out of your bed."

"No you won't. Now, go to bed. Good night, but for real this time."

Rion eyed me as she nodded her head in agreement, a slight grin on her lips. 

“Yes for real this time.” She spoke before her bottom lip was drawn into her mouth. The liquor I consumed tonight made me do the same as I looked her up and down shamelessly, grinning as I did so.

I started to take a step backwards only to notice that Rion advanced forwards causing me to stop in my tracks. Our lips connected again more fervently than they had before, before I started to walk again leading Rion back into my bedroom.