#i want to HEAR him say good girl
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Beel continues to be my absolute favourite 💯
Forever supporting my unhinged man 🙋♀️ look at this regal looking mf every word he says makes me weak
#huffing and puffing#beelzebub the man that you are#he's so shameless and teasing and affectionate in this card i am in LOVE#need more of him /miserable#i want to HEAR him say good girl#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in hell is bad#prettybusy#whb beelzebub
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can we hold hands and listen to this together
#good omens#SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE.#aziraphale calling crowley dear boy ... aziraphale drunk voice ... aziraphale interrupting with meaningless facts and pissing crowley off#the bird spaceship in particular SOOO FUNNY#“what bird 🤨😐” “thebirdimtalkingabout” aziraphale said ARE YOU TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS. YES OR NO.#also love to hear the story about the bird. happened to my buddy twelve#i had a lot to say but i had to clip this so many times i forgor. give me stuff to talk about im ready for that#wait i remembered. aziraphale talking about the kraken and the “yeah?” “Fact.” oh god crowley wants him so bad
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and this is precisely why i love wang yibo… ✨
#he is so straightforward and i loveeee it! it may not be for everyone but even irl this is the type of people i gravitate towards ☺️☺️☺️#wang yibo#accio victuuri gifs#accio victuuri edit#IM PRETTY SURE THE FAN DID NOT MEAN ANY HARM and was just saying what some fans usually comment and all that#but it’s good wyb set it straight that he didn’t want to hear that from young girls ☺️☺️☺️#how about you call him DADDY then? lol nooooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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complicated relationship with taob be damned i have never peaked higher than i did when i was studying tragedies for my english class and wrote the fever dream chapter
#I WAS WRITING AT LEVELS NEVER BEFORE SEEN. OFF THE CHARTS CUNTISM. TRAGIC LEXICON LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE#'you scream with your lungs and you pray with your knees. but begging?#begging was in the hands. zuko's were empty. stained sunset red. /look. look at what you did/.'#'white bones charring until zuko remembered hearing of fortune-tellers - how they read the heat-cracks#of oracle bones. zuko wondered what the breaks in his skeleton lamented of. if he could read these scars#would they weep? /look. look at all that red/.'#'/look. cut-neck and red-stained. you wanted this/. the auditorium watched enraptured#whispering into ears. /this is the best part. the anagnorisis/.'#'this was a tale of honour and redemption. the playwright had woven zuko’s hamartia into his every action#doomed from the beginning. /you always thought it was anger that would damn you#that patronymic fury that snarls in your chest/. the director was grinning. /it is not. your fatal flaw has always been shame/.'#'redemption comes with the price of regret but you don't regret. you don't regret any of it'#'A GOOD TRAGEDY NEEDS A SCAPEGOAT; A TRAGIC HERO. ZUKO WOULD BE THEIRS. A MASK. A BOW. APPLAUSE. FURY. SHAME.#/LOOK/. THE THING WITH THEATRE IS THAT YOU PLACE A CHARACTER ONTO A STAGE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE HIM#AND YOU SHINE LIGHTS ON HIM TO ILLUMINATE EVERY ANGLE AND YOU MAKE HIM SAY THINGS THAT RESONATE. A TRAGEDY IS JUST A DECLARATION#/LOOK. LOOK AT ALL IVE DONE AND GIVE ME REDEMPTION REGARDLESS. LOOK AT EVERY FLAW. TAKE ME AS YOUR ANTI-HERO. FORGIVE ME ANYWAY/#IT WAS ABOUT BEING SEEN. IT WAS A CRY FOR HELP'#like???? GIRL OKAYYYYYY <33333 truly give me a theme i like and i will run fucking RINGS#taob
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started watching another home makeover show and it hit me once again how much I want an AU where George and Sapnap are the hosts of a 'siblings getting their own rooms' show (they compete on which room suits their respective kid best) and Dream is one of the cameramen who ended up commenting out loud about something so he ends up being a faceless fan favorite. George does flirt with Dream a lot. Sapnap is very tired of it. They also compete about which room Dream would like the best, which is not the point of the show but in their hearts it is.
#it'll be the kind of show no one expects to succeed but dream's clip goes viral#literally he's not even supposed to be part of the show but everyone wants to hear what he has to say#and it works out well because george and sapnap are obsessed with getting his approval#dream does not have interior design background so he honestly has no idea why anyone listens to him#what he doesn't know is he is VERY GOOD at knowing what the kids want because he's good at listening and also figuring out what they NEED#like there is an episode where this girl wants generic princess stuff but it turns out she just really looks up to her big sister#so dream finds out she likes art and building things with her own hands and there's a whole segment#where you just see his back while this kid is teaching him how to build a castle#and you see george watching from the side COMPLETELY BESOTTED#I NEED TO WRITE THIS FIC#these men in the car makeover show keeps on bantering i feel like it could be flirting#i need to use this energy into something less crazy (dnf is less crazy than these people)#like why did this man program his droid to answer the question 'is donny cute' 😔 and it answered yes but only when he is not talking#boi u just called the beefcake who kept hugging you cute#how am i not supposed to think about dnf
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Live Action Last Airbender really said in order to get rid of the sexism, some other sexism had to take its place but unlike Sokka learning sexism was bad, the new sexism is never addressed and treated like its okay.
#rip suki girl just became a prop in live action to sokka's writing that episode#to the point she actually lets him win a fight against her just cause awww poor little baby got his manhood hurt by suki easily beating him#earlier on in the episode that was already suki trying to help cause again his manhood feels hurt#because...yes its a girls job apparently to help a man when he feels emasculated#like god remember how in animated suki wins easily against sokka in training cause hes being cocky and thinks girls cant fight still#to the point when she beats him you can just hear 'FLAWLESS VICTORY' as she waves her fan in her face#and when he does beat her its because he trained with her and therefore knows how to win#and we see actual character with suki when like sokka she also doesnt like her pride being hurt#and also she checks him out shirtless because yeah....they also reduce her to a love interest i hate it here#june flirts with iroh for some reason....instead of just removing it if they didnt want iroh to flirt with her#because i guess a girl doing the fliriting with the not interested man is a good swap???#and dont get me started on katara they mascared her in live action#shes just bland now in live action because femainity bad according to netflix#and also doesnt even get told she can study with aang and co no she just becomes an instant master after beating pakku#because....girlboss#well i say study with aang and co but he dont even learn waterbending here lmao
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i’m aware it’s past 10 but allow me
#social transitioning feels so rough but i think its bc transitioning feels so raw and rough to me still#and everytime someone he/hims me i do feel good but also so terrified and also feel like i’m just getting pity pronouns#which i’ve seen like irl so much and its like. i cant really physically transition rn so it’s just like#i might just go back to they/she for now lol#the other day a vague acquaintance/friend asked me how my gender thing was going#and i was like in my head both annoyed he asked that but also felt like#i was being unreasonable because it’s technically public now#but discussing it where strangers could hear was too much#i kind of think its my fault because i just ran with what he was saying instead of saying i was uncomfortable#speaking of which ive been going on dates with this girl but im realizing that#even though like my brain is like i want to kiss its only because i want to get it over with but like i also just#feel dread#which probably is not good#i hope she only sees me as friend#the gender thing may also play a role if shes a lesbian and i’ll feel terrible if i kiss her under false pretense#bc i put nb as my dating gender thing#okay rant over gn and hugs and i hope u all are havign a good time#EDIT i would say im nb i guess bc idk wtf is going on but 😭
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Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.
They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…
#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other#i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself#but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state#and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made#and the work she did to win that case#and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state#i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha#so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive#today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK#i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them#a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical#my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade#he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual#i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure#out that i was the same had he not said it.#anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this#steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who#imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal#their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and#vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles#big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart#he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar#but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except#right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi#on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve#steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene#he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one.#anon#signed sealed delivered
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Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE
#LANA i know his sister works for you BUT TRUST MY WORD AND GIVE ME A FREE TICKET PLEASE…#MY FIRST TIME SEEING YOU WAS RUINED GIRL… she was so good too like i was saving her songs to spotify that night#im reliving all this because i found out a lot of his exes and ex friends hang out together and two of them invited me so it was me an ex an#d an ex friend just swapping stories and first of all. he said he got cheated on by this girl and she NEVER DID IT (HE would have emotional/#angry outbursts at HER though) (allegedly he’s acknowledged to her that the cheating never happened too) and 2. this is obviously making me#mentally rehash everything again. i feel so bad for his current girlfriend and also for the person i ‘’stole’’ him from though i really hesi#tate to blame myself after hearing about his patterns. first of all he wouldve done this with anyone who was vulnerable around him and secon#d i was the only reason he was at all honest with them. he was fully planning to gaslight this ex and me and his dad had to convince him not#to. they look like theyre happy now and im very happy for them over that. oh my god that man was evil he told me for WEEKS about every time#his then partner had talked shit about me while i made clear that i didnt care and wasnt very interested but he kept going. god i cant belie#ve this was my life a year ago.#the one thing i can say is that i out freaked him because throughout our short relationship i made him so insecure that a week after i told#to never speak to me again he called me asking if he really was ugly.#I CANNOT BELIEVE I HAD TO TEND TO A GROWN MAN WHILE LANA DEL REY WAS RIGHT THERE BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPPOSED TO BEING AROUND HER. LANAAAA#times like these i get so mad i dont know what to do but ultimately remembering that he has not achieved any of his goals because he refuses#to face himself really helps me. god man IVE achieved some of his goals and i wasnt even trying to#a really awful part of all of this was all of the friends who knew him taking his side. because they didnt know him well enough to know what#he was actually like.#i was talking to my ex friend of four years and she was like not to blame you but he was probably really vulnerable from his time with [ex p#rior to me]’’ because he’s been going around alleging that that ex was abusive. and she was implying i took advantage of him. so i had to go#into detail about what an awful awful person he was and the sort of state i was in when this relationship took place. hannah lee you are#not seeing your little jehovah’s witness heaven.#anyways redirecting this energy im very happy with the way my life is and the way i am now. and im grateful for it i would not have ever bee#n able to imagine having the sort of peace and motivation i feel now. life feels like it can and will change for the better and it keeps pro#ving that right all the time#it just hurts sometimes having that as my first experience and not even being able to vocalize what was wrong bc i just didnt know hurts#oh i forgot one of his besties can see my account bc we’re sort of mutuals. i doubt he’s looking he did the whole unfollowing the ex bc she’#s allegedly amoral thing after the breakup but if he is hi isaac#he did on rare occasion show me selfless kindness but ultimately your best friend is a creep. i don’t want to be involved with anyone from#our school but I hope you know this and I hope you’re proud
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About to lose my shit over my shitty Algebra teacher cause i think he’s the devil incarnate cause he doesn’t respect kid’s 504 plans, there is this kid who may not always show up to class on time for some reason im not sure why but they try their best to catch up and work hard and they asked to send over and take the recent test they missed in a certain classroom and he was like “No you cant, you have to show up tomorrow in here to take it” when literally in their 504 plan says they can take it in that room no one can force them to take it in their classroom, but DOES HE CARE??? NOOOOOO. I think he was just trying to be tough or smth god knows what cause he has a huge ass power complex like dear god dude we get it you were a army guy but is yelling at teens really what you wanna do to feel that high of power again?? The kid then complained to the school and he got a ass whooping but sadly not fired and then the next day was pissed as hell and took it out on all of us 😍
he doesn’t care to actually help students at all, he just gives up on them if they don’t understand the first or barely the second time and tells em to basically fuck off and find someone else to explain it and i get it teaching is hard you might not be able to get everyone to understand BUT ITS LITERALLY HIS GO TO RESPONSE WHEN YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SMTH IN HIS SHITTY RAPID FIRE EXPLANATION WHEN HE JUST JUMPS FROM THING TO THING WITH NO VISUAL OR EVEN SENSE CAUSE WTF HOW DID YOU GET THAT ANSWER HELLO?? SLOW DOWN?? We were going over the study guide and he started doing a question and then realized half way it was “too hard” to do on the board so he gave up and kept going to the next question and a kid at my table who didn’t do that part pf the study guide cause they dont know how asked “Can you go over that please i don’t understand it” and his response was “im not going over it just to fill it in” and the kid said “im not asking to just fill it in im asking cause I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT” and guess what. HE DIDNT DO IT HE JUST IGNORED THEM AND KEPT GOING. YOUR STUDENT IS ASKING FOR HELP AND YOU AINT DOING SHIT. HELLO??? AND THIS ISNT THE FIRST TOME HE ALWAYS PULL THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME, GOD FORBID YOU ASK A QUESTION MORE THAN ONCE THATS TOK SCARY AAAHHHHH.
I hope all his classes fails and they fire his ass cause omg there has never been anything positive said about this man that isn’t from favorites/people who already are godly at math. The average student who’s had him HATES HIM.
Im really debating like cussing him out Thursday after my final cause i cant just walk away and act like it was a okay class no he needs to get fucking humbled at least see what he does is harmful and shitty and douchey. I dont care if i get in trouble im not gonna go down like this so many kids in that class have struggled cause of his ass not doing his job. And sure some of there are rowdy and sure some are a bit off task but that doesn’t give you the right to abandon them. If i ever kicked my own bucket he would be 5 of my 13 reasons why.
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#i wish upon his downfail almost daily cause like i feel like a death wish isnt good enough thats the easy way out#i need his ass to think and contemplate what he does and reevaluate his lfie#he needs to get off his fucking imaginary throne and look at what he actually does as a teacher#i know teaching is hard and now pays next to nothing but he just doesn’t do his job and if he wants to keep it shit better start changing#there are other teachers in the same topics that do swimingly not to compare but i have to for him#they are patient they give their kids resources like idk FULL WORK ON ANSWER KEYS#that was my biggest ick with him he never posted answe keys with the work hust answers#i know he probably did it to avoid ppl cooying but also screwed over kids who need to see what went wrong with their work#also minor complaint but he used the math textbook for ‘notes’ and YOU KNOW HOW SMALL THE SPACE IS YO WRITE IN THOSE???#WHY IS ALL THE WORK IN THERE WHY DO YOU DO THIS#HE SAID HE DID WORKSHEETS LAST HEAR AND I TOOM A SUGH OF RELIF THINK WE WOULD TO BUT NAHHH HERE IS THE GIANT ASS BOOK THAT WILL GUVE YOU#BACK PAIN AND ALSO IM NOT GONNA SAY PAGE NUMBERS IMMA SAY TOPIC HEADERS#WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#Thats also a minor complaint but i knew shit was gonna be rough when he said the chapter names and not page numbers#so much time was lost trying to find the oage in the book#also kinda important not really but there were only 5 girls in that class including me#in a room of like 19#…IM JUST SAYING#he did treat my table a little shit which was coincidently all girls#coincidence? yeah probably but ya know.#he mostly ignored the girls unless they were the 2 kids at my table cause they actual spoke up#but he ignored them too so ya know#i may be over thinking it but if he did get fired for sexism ya know i wouldn’t be surprised#school if you’re reading this know that yeah im pissed at him and yeah i do want to talk in student services i think its for the best
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Worst Guy Ever - Also, Unfortunately, Very Homosexual Convo. (subtextually)
#Evidence of Tom being a bad boyfriend is also in a file labeled 'Tom wants to fuck Steth so bad'#but seriously I wanted to deck him in this convo v_v FORTUNATELY it is bearable bc I think that's the point - like the narrative is#showing that Tom is 'ruining what he's worked for' by being a dick to B'Elanna so I'm not like meta-mad about it (like OTHER Tom/B'Elanna#moments) <- Ex: Tom saying 'I have a beautiful girlfriend' instead of something like#'someone I care about/a girl I love' but that's a like...tv writing thing. I don't like it but I know it's a tv writing thing#Woman as like a status symbol instead of a person you care about#I never care about Tom's inner conflict in Tom episodes (with the exception of the one where he gets thrown in solitary - him going full#rogue was fun) bc his inner conflict is always the most boomer bullshit#Literally he's just having a midlife crisis in this one.#BUT...GUYS....IMPORTANT NEWS...BULLDOG'S IN THIS ONE??#BULLDOG ?? My enemy BULLDOG BRISCOE from Frasier??? Good to see you man! This makes sense.#Steth....WHY would you choose to turn into a guy with a detailed and established web of interconnected relationships on a ship with a#complex hierarchy? Steth really thought he'd be able to play it cool on VOYAGER...the USS codependent...nu uh#they sniff you out and maul you like gophers on that baby#EHHEHEEH the Emh is funny as hell...'WOW...I had no idea me being so perfect at everything was making you feel bad! It all makes sense to#me now...' / Steth(as Tom):....Yeah v_v#SNRKEHEHEHEHEHEH GUYS..I'm taking a mental health day so I can reflect on myself and how even though I'll never be as good as the Doctor#I'm probably still worth SOMETHING#Steth(as Tom): Hey now B'Elanna...let's not go around blaming Steth for things. He's a pretty cool guy actually.#Okay yes confirmed! The above convo is also to show that Steth is 'being better' than Tom by telling B'Elanna what she wants to hear#unfortunately this does not make me like Tom more#SHE WANTS SO LITTLE. SHE ASKS FOR SO LITTLE.#BC Tom DOES say that B'Elanna is 'overreacting' and basically calls her crazy even when it's not for a later moral lesson and#this isn't framed as bad by the narrative. If your girl's always mad at you then your relationship ISN'T good.#There's literally NO resolution once again to their relationship issues. Tom shows her his garage program and when B'Elanna says she feels#she doesn't value her he says 'Yeah I do.' episode ends.#T/B scenes are literally [conflict arises then they argue or kiss] <- it is never...RESOLVED...#Me @ The Writers: (B'Elanna voice) Is this your idea of an adult conversation?#OH. Gay subtext: I hate spending time with my girl I want to hang out and live the bachelor life with my cool guy friend.#Tom's grease monkey program might as well be a subscription to playgirl magazine sit DOWN dude
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i didn't think jacob would be arguing with olivia, wanting it almost as much as her. what the hell. i expected the self defeated, taking one for the team attitude but actively needing it like her? when he had been trying to stop her all night? i feel like i've been blasted by a buckshot
#digi discusses#the world needs more jacobs and i just took him out of it#did he go back to being a kid again? to see the lights of possibility again?#to feel like he's doing something exciting and worthwhile again not by making art but by being “freed” by maggie's knowledge once more?#or did he. choose another timeline entirely? augh i'm gonna have to watch the ending back again...where did he go...#maggie would be turning in her graaaaaave to know he chose this. she would hate that for him she would h a t e it#the anna parallels. stuck between time only able to hear him on radios if you are lucky. fuck off#becoming an urban legend...i think he would have liked that. immortalized just like he wanted. ugh wait did riley do that for him#but the details getting lost his name becoming warped over time? i think riley (and i) would feel it was almost disrespectful to his memory#the fact he puts meeting riley on the same pedestal as saving camena. god god god god. even when they aren't friends they are.#riley talking to athena like a person like he did. i am MISERABLE#its the dys exocolonist thing all over again. he's happy and that's...good. but he could have been just as happy if he'd stayed too#every single time i think about the hug i'm going to cry#every single ending has done this to me there is literally no winning#being kinda mean to him was bad enough but this ending just feels! it feels like riley. like i. drove him to.#girl i need to log off bye#oxenfree II spoilers#yeah there's the essay. just took a minute#i will make another one about hurt healed olivia in a bit too because that. made me sob. that one hit really...close to home#he says when he was a teenager he would have fallen for it if someone told him he could open a portal in the sky and make things better#what a liar he would still do it now#EDIT: NO i knew it he says almost exactly what nona says after you hug her when you hug him. the orange-associated characters strike again
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I finally watched the hamilton workshop fully through and as much as I enjoyed it I'm genuinely so happy they changed some of the rhymes and rhythm. Cause yall, some of those weren't it. 😭. Like "You look... bad" bruh??? And also there's a lot more cursing in the work shop. I can see why they got rid of a lot if it because it puts more emphasis on times when they do curse. All things said, it was a fun watch.
#100% cannot get over all of the filler word#“Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo” -john laurens for a good 20 seconds#Actually John had a much bigger presence in it#I was surprised#During the rewind portion it was just John and Alexander saying it#And he had a part in hurricane#Hamilton even said something about how he was the only person who could've stopped him or this or that#And might I mention how absolutely done eveyone is#Burr sounds like he straight up does not want to be there#Angelica sounds in pain it's beautiful#And Eliza poor girl#You can hear her anger#I didn't actually know before that some of the animations I watched were actually pieces of the workshop#I was so confused when I first managed to watch the brodeay production online cause i thought stuff was missing#And to be honest they should've kept a couple things in#It was fun#Hamilton#Hamilton workshop
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naturally i’m gonna be very upset at 6:09 am after an all-nighter over my brother and his actions
#personal#not the middle one we’re okay rn and talking again and he helped me get with my new job#even tho we haven’t spoken about the door and im not supposed to know he paid for it#so good but watch out#the eldest one i’m like hey i was gonna forgive ghosting me or flaking on plans you made with me for our dad#or not communicating that you already got everything done with said dad and all i really knew was my dad asking asking asking for his#eldest son and struggling for an answer for him#and even like not checking on me at all after i got kicked out and bringing a girl back and asking me to pretend to be asleep#god i regret not sleeping in a rest stop like planned that was so much worse#and also you and other brother just ignoring me begging for help telling you i got back into my ed and honestly going through the worst#time of my life also weed dependent to just cope and also my job sucked. minor but still#but again was ready to let it go bc you were so obviously in pain at the funeral i couldn’t be mad at that#but like why. after i offered to clean up after ur dogs did you um. ask me to do it again#then cussed me out after i asked that you don’t ask on the dot of when my shifts end#and then after mom told me i was selfish while struggling with a full time job and taking care of my dying father and struggling with that#and i was just asking what ur living situation was bc i felt like. hm. being told i’m awful for struggling during my dads death is a lot#instead of just saying no you go on a rant about how when we finally want to move in with you you’re doing something else and general#shit giving. instead of again. just saying no. or hell. checking on me.#so it’s like i’ll love you until every star gives out i can’t fucking look at you bc i’m so hurt#we haven’t talked since then and im not gonna hear from him till he asks what i want from christmas or he needs something#christ last time he checked on me was a segway to helping me going about the hoarder house as he loves calling it#i can’t believe i sent him photos of our dads writing saying i love you and his only question was is it still hoarder central#i was gonna type something mean i’m gonna lay down#i don’t want any gifts why would i want a gift. told him that i was hurt and didn’t want a gift my birthday and he responded and it’s gonna#and he’s didn’t respond*#be the same game during christmas#you brought a girl over on such an awful fucking night for me why would i want a gift#and it’s not like he hasn’t been there and doesn’t love me it’s just i’m hurt#and it’s not like he had all this space and my other brother and i never used it! i got kicked out and stayed a night!#other brother moved in with you! sorry circumstances led to me staying longer! just say no!
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sometimes i mayhaps would like a boyfriend
#so here is my life rn im going to explain using letters representing people instead of their names bc there are two people w the same name#a and b are dating and c and d are dating then band d cheat on their respective partners w each other and a and c want to date and they#find out abt the cheating so they all start dating - b c and d are in a play that i am in along with e and f#e and f are also dating - f is one of the only other trans people in the cast so we talked a lot and he said he thought he only liked girls#and was thinking about breaking up with e because he is also a trans guy#one day we were going home from rehearsal and f left then e and i were watching b c and d say bye to each other all loveydovey#and e said he wanted that and i said yeah me too and he mumbled something i couldn't hear and i was like 'yeah' bc i couldn't tell and he#said 'join me!' and held out his hand and i took it and boom we were holding hands (his skin was very soft in case you're wondering) and we#shared phone numbers and said that's like how he started dating f and i was like oh interesting and we left and i realised he was asking me#to date him and i was like okay free bf! two free bf! then he texted me and said f didn't want me in their relationship and oh. no free bfs#and then flash forward i was in the friend group with a b c and d and i made friends with a super controlling guy who didn't want me to be#friends w the friend group and only him and was all 'if you're friends w them that means you don't like me' and we were friends w benefits#so i ditched that friend group for him and he was mean to them and wanted me to be like that too so i was kinda rude to them#flash forward again i finally left the toxic guy wow i have no friends now i was in 1st yr high school but e was in last year middle school#i didnt talk to him much bc i was focused on school stuff and now this year e is in first year of hs and im in the second year and he's#hanging out w the old friend group and I noticed him even before i knew who he was and i was like oh that person seems really cool hm#wonder who he is hes friends with old friend group how interesting OH that is e he looks different but he looks cute and now i kinda want#to text him bc he's in one of my lunches and he was in student council on friday and we looked at each other and i waved hi but he didn't#wave back and now im worried hes heard that im mean bc the old friend group but i still like him bc we were really good friends but also#ive been thinking about what might have happened if we did start dating and i really want to text him but i only have him on snapchat bc id#what happened to his phone number but i don't have it anymore#i really want to talk to him but snapchat gives me anxiety and idk what he thinks of me now#but i really want to talk to him!!!!!#help#what#should#i#do#does looking at him count as flirting#zen is gay :]
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Having an alcoholic parent is so painful idek how to describe it. And a functioning alcoholic at that in a society where alcohol abuse is normalized & you're weird if you dont drink. I hate it hate it hate it i dream of walking into a store with a bat and smashing every bottle of alcohol in there and setting fire to it.
#you cant even hate them because its an illness#for once last year he decided to go see a shrink about it and she told him he will just have to live with it his whole life#'think of alcohol as your neighbour' she said#thanks for nothing girl thank you how about if you cant help you SHUT THE FUCK UP#he got drunk on my moms birthday last year she had to spend it alone with his drunk ass#god#& i cant even get myself to tell him how i feel about it because i tried once when i was a child and it traumatized me#the way it ruins my life every time i hear he's been drinking again#i have no good memories with him from my childhood. literally none. and he doesnt even know#i want to say sorry for venting but i wont this is my blog & ur free to unfollow i am so mad idec#bye
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