#i want to read more before i watch more episodes since its harder for me to read after watching a show since part of the plot has already

[talaofthevalley]

Wonder what woulda happened if Ai hadn't interrupted here.

Cause like, Yusaku and Spectre are like mirrors of each other, this episode establishes that pretty clearly. And even though Playmaker starts out thinking every victim thought the incident was alike to hell, you do see signs that he's trying to understand Spectre's perspective. He asks Spectre questions, and interestingly Spectre answers, honestly at that.

Playmaker asks, and listens, and it seems like he's on the verge of something when Ai interrupts the conversation.

I don't exactly think Ai was wrong to pull this, they had no time and Ai is correct that it's pointless to talk to Spectre right now, since nothing except for Revolver's word would have made him let Playmaker pass. But the more interesting part for me comes from what he says after;

Beyond showcasing Ai's ability to manipulate, if Ai meant this seriously and thought it would play a big part in putting Yusaku into complete duel mode, then Ai doesn't understand Yusaku very well.

He says Yusaku and Spectre are nothing alike, which a normal watcher who's paid attention can pretty easily dispute. Playmaker doesn't acknowledge this claim, only realises they're on a time limit and they need to move. It's the reminder that the Tower of Hanoi is activating that gets him moving. Being told they're nothing alike isn't reassuring for Yusaku, because he's already realised him and Spectre are alike.

It's those similarities that make Yusaku understand Spectre a little, relate to him in a way he couldn't with any other Knight of Hanoi. But even when Yusaku relates or understands his opponent, it doesn't stop him from fighting. Yusaku's thrown from meeting someone with such a opposite perspective on the incident that ruined his life, but still possess such large similarities to him.

While Yusaku cannot comprehend enjoying the incident like Spectre did, I think he understands and relates to some of what Spectre describes here.

What little we know of Yusaku's life post-Lost Incident is that he recieved treatment for what he went through, tried to forget the incident and live a normal life. When we're shown flashbacks of young Yusaku after the incident, he's notably distant from everyone, if not physically then in his expression.

A big empty room filled with toys. No reaction to a kind-looking woman gently holding his hand. Introduced to what seems to be a new class of kids he doesn't know. Sat at the back, apart from the rest. Even if Yusaku was treated nicer than Spectre was, it was obviously not enough and came with its own hardships. And if he couldn't even talk about his experiences like Spectre, it would make adjusting even harder and the distance between him and others larger.

I'm especially honing in on the comment Spectre makes about Yusaku's life before the incident.

"If the incident hurt you, you must've led a happy a happy life before."

Spectre doesn't know that, he's drawing a conclusion based on observation and the information he has. But it's a conclusion Yusaku can't affirm or deny, because he doesn't have any memories of his life before the incident. The idea that the reason it affected him so much being because he was happy beforehand might not have even crossed his mind.

And then we have this fun little tidbit;

A place to belong. Something we in retrospect knows Yusaku feels he doesn't have, but wants. He can understand that desire very well. And if Spectre feels he has found that place with Revolver, then who is Yusaku to tell him he's wrong?

This framing tells a thousand words I think, cause we have Playmaker and Spectre in the same shot, but the focus is on Playmaker's face. It's hard to read his expression, but to me it comes off as thoughtful, still serious but he's considering Spectre's words and conviction here like he would any other opponent. It's like watching Yusaku building an understanding towards Spectre in real time.

Yusaku can understand that kind of loyalty. That unwavering dedication to someone who saved your soul when you needed it the most.

There are so many moments in S1 where Yusaku pulls on the memory of that person to gather strenght, to accomplish his goal of not only defeating Hanoi and learn the truth, but to meet that person again and save them if they are still in danger. Yusaku has survived this far on the memory of that kind voice that reached out to him at his lowest. He's dedicated in a way that, if he ever came to learn of the details, I think Spectre would similarly relate to.

dunno man it's fun to think about. I still have the rest of the duel to rewatch so who knows maybe my brain will be tickled even further or I've said something super contradicting that will be shown in just the following episode. The amount this show can give me to gnaw on in a single episode is kind of amasing.

[iinafarawaygalaxii]

Star Wars | One Shot

Captain Rex x f!Reader

A Ghost For Prospect

Okay guys honestly, this just popped into my head while I was writing the fanfic and watching the newest episodes of bad batch (OMG! cries internally*) Soooo I thought Id share with the public, this will contain a couple small spoilers if you havent watched the bad batch yet and its a lil spicy so... read at your own discretion (:

MINORS DNI 18+

Summary: Captain Rex needs information for the sake of Omega and the remainder of the clones being tapped and tortured. He had no choice but to search for you, one of the most dangerous bounty hunters in the settled systems and best information brokers in the galaxy. Knowing he didnt have the money to pay you off, he offered other ways to get the information he needed to save his family...

Warnings: 18+ Minors you should've stopped reading at the red

Word Count: 5.3k

Notes: I totally didnt proof read, my apologies. I left it on a cliff hanger because Im still debating on a part 2. Let me know if thats something yall would want!

Enjoy :D

After Omegas escape from Tantiss, the situation to save the clones and the galaxy from the empire grew more desperate. With the Captains headquarters destroyed from the enemies pursuit and now has lost more of his brothers- even the ones he saved that were killed by the blast, EVERYTHING started to crumble. Though because of this deadly sacrifice he now had evidence of the tests being administered to the clones, along with the mention of project 'x' and the need for m-count individuals, but still... no dots were connecting. What he needed was information, which made the finest soldier from the clone wars feel uneasy. 

Ever since order 66 the universe didn't make sense anymore. The lines drawn between good and evil became blurred when he learned what it was like to live free from a shackled organization, making his job... just that much harder. There was too much of a grey area with who or what to save, when or where to be- for instance, what he's doing now, bargaining with one of the most dangerous bounty hunters and information brokers in the galaxy.

You

The Captain stood with two other troopers before you, each their own unique persona. The soldier in blue with golden hair aged like the finest wine in the Corellian systems nearly made your mouth drop. Even just a glance at his build meant he cared for his body as much as his mission, standing stoic and resolved.... The way he looked at you with those honey brown eyes in caution though his gaze  remained soft and calm left you curious for more than wear. His look was formatted by a subtly of fearlessness that almost felt intimidating, showing you he meant business. Though, you did have to admire the man... tracking you down was not an easy feat and the way he waltzed in without hesitation unafraid of the deadly figures around him, turned you on.

The other troopers however, despite being clones, were extremely different. One in black armor had a socket arm in replacement of his own. The weird tubing and wiring attached to his head and neck meant he was either an experiment or a tool. His original color completely faded to a sickly white making you wonder if death itself stood at your door. Either way, he looked extremely sickly which was bad for business and the other well- he shared the captains same demeanor standing with the same amount of caution as they approach you, awaiting your recognition as you take a long gander at his slicked back hair and his muscles nearly protruding out of armor that seems like it lost its touch a while ago. He looked as standard as the clones come when first created nonetheless his sculpted brawny chest and shoulders meant he could probably lift you with ease, amongst other things.

Though you wouldn't doubt it, 

As you sat on the edge of the bar with a bottle of whiskey in hand basking in the warmth of the two suns that lit the planet dry. Your hideout or what the other women call the 'safe house' on Tatooine was directly built on an oasis. A towering open dome for natural lighting with the oasis itself directly in the middle that supplied not only water but bared fruit enough to feed the lot of them. Plants from all over the galaxy were found climbing the walls as if they'd been here for ages, thriving in an unfamiliar home just as much as the women you've brought and saved. It almost seemed like a vacation coming here after your missions and bounties. Surrounded by the finest women bounty hunters and the girls you've graciously saved across the galaxy. All in one spot enjoying the fruits of your labor. The women there looked up to you not only as a leader but as a dangerous figure not to be trifled with- filled with the upmost respect a single person can recieve. 

You were praised and well guarded. 

So when clones show up at your front door asking for something as trivial as information, it made you and the others laugh- hysterically. The eruption making the three soldiers look around in confusion, postering as if they missed something hearing the laughs grow into silence as you spoke up, "Do you know who I am trooper?”, You asked the man in blue hopping of the bar, regretfully, treading closer to him with the bottle of whiskey still in hand. "I do. If I'm not mistaken... They call you Ghost?"

You smiled

Taking a long swig of the bottle in hand before passing it off to one of the bartenders walking past. Your crew had their eyes glued on the men, ready to whip out their blasters on your command should anything or one cause trouble, leaving you worry free as you approach the soldier in your tipsy state. Most of the time, men crumble under the pressure each step you take towards them.... But not this man. Standing inches from him without a single reaction and although he had some height on you, 6 inches give or take, You favorite phrase came to mind...'The taller they are the harder they fall'. You leaned in with a flirty smile admiring his tenacity but with caution as you whispered, "Do you know why they call me that?", in his ear. You wanted to make him nervous as any man or creature who came in asking for the same things- to really test how badly they want that information and for a slight jest of play to assess them as a whole. You began to trace your fingers up his chest piece watching him, watch you. "No...", He uttered lowly and to your surprise he didn't react your touch at all. The gravity of his situation may be more intense than you thought, though it still didn't change anything. You were known as not only the most nefarious but the most devious of all hunters, next to Cad Bane. Using not only your charm and body to get answers but your mind and bronze to create beautiful plans to execute, to get the best rewards out of your missions and to be honest given his demeanor?

It made you want to break him 

In a blink of an eye you were gone, as if your presence there was just a illusion, tracing your finger alongside his back tck-ing from the disappointed response. "Its because the people I deal with seem to just.... disappear with me...". Though the words did not shock him. He knew what he was getting into the moment he ended up on your doorstep. Even with this in mind he still came which made you admire him more. You knew he was here to do business. You giggled trotting off to a large black velvet chair in the center of the room, a couple of twileks bringing you a martini made from one of the finest alcohols in the system. "Please... Help yourselves..." you waved your hand towards the soldiers, the twileks bringing them the same drinks who cautiously accepted them. The captain however… had little time for such niceties placing the glass on the table next to him as he made his way to the edge of the steps before you. "Thank you but ill decline. I came here seeking information. Can you help us or not?", He firmly asked. 

There was something about him- fearless, that turned you on. A malicious grin rose on your face as you tilted you head to announce that, "Everything comes with a price.", sipping the delicious drink that was made for the event, wondering what the man truly had to offer to be worth your time. "Im aware, name it." The troopers in the back finished theirs, bringing a suitcase full of credits up to the captain awaiting for their next order. You nodded for the twileks to check and count them ensuring their validity. After a moment of silence and a quick nod to you, you smiled asking what he needed “go on then…” you replied as you rested, listening to his request.

"The Empire is taking and torturing clones across the galaxy. They’re also after M-count individuals and my sources say youve hunted them and work closely with a man named Royce Hemlock. I need to know… where hemlock is stationed, what project X is, and the need for the m-count individuals”

Your face remained calm pausing between his request as you process whether it was worth* giving him that information. On top of that, what he requested could lead to dangers down the road which, in turn, would effect you and your... business as a whole. You didn’t want that type of attention.  "What you've given does not suffice for the information you requested”, You sipped your drink again twirling the orange liquid in your glass with a snide smile wondering how much you could squeeze out of him before you give anything as you watched his brows furrow with anger. In truth, he didnt need to know about project X, in fact no one does not even you because A: it doesnt concern you and B: no one knows about it....except maybe the man in front of you. But since you already knew his true goal from the spies you had under your thumb, it wasnt a sprise for him to ask such questions. However it wasnt worth the risk. Not to mention… information these days are just- expensive. It was wiser to get your moneys worth if you accept the risk. "Besides, thats not what youre really after…. You want to know the locations of the bases your brothers are free them and build an army large enough to ‘free the galaxy’, right?”, Your response sent a shock wave through the troopers. How did you know their plan?  Not to toot you’re own horn but- youre well… you

 "I imagine Omega is the prime target for the empire at the moment as well... considering how high her bounty is. My guess is... the m-count individual their after is her-" You paused tapping your cheek with curiosity grinning maliciously, "-Almost took it myself actually..." 

The captain placed a hand over his blaster forcing all the other bounty hunters to bring up theirs as everyone stood in a standstill waiting for blood to spill, "Calm down... Calm down-", You gestured your hands for everyone to sit and relax as you went to lean back in your chair with your legs crossed. "Theres no need for violence... Right, captain?", You raised your glass watching him slowly move away from his gun as you nodded finishing off your drink. "Right....", he uttered looking around to the other hunters who took their seats ready to pounce when the word is spoken. "Right. Anyways. I cannot give you what you offer.", You smiled, placing your glass on the stand next to you, getting up to take your leave before you heard footsteps behind and was captured by the wrist tightly, unable to move. 

The action pissed you off. 

You slowly turned back; the hunters who already captured the other two troopers are at gunpoint, had them on their knees behind making you glare up to the captain in pure rage. His grip grew tighter as the other hunters waited for your order for execution with over 30 blasters pointed your way. To kill or not to kill. "Please...", He begged and though you felt the sense of urgency you couldn't just let him go after that. It was time to make it very clear who you are. You quickly captured his arm bending it backwards. The action making him fall to one knee as you quickly grabbed his blaster at the same time, pinning it at his throat. You traced your lips across his neck hearing him groan from the pressure you were putting on his arm till you reached his ear growling to, "Never...touch me like that again….", and thus.... you had a choice, shoot the ignorant man or let him go. Though you didn’t want unnecessary death on your hands so the latter was chosen, flipping the blaster back into his holder and releasing your grip on his arm as he went to rub his shoulder. You nodded to the hunters to release the men having them thrown the heavy weights on the ground before you next to the captain. Their state? Pathetic. Their mission? Understandable. You weighed your options understanding that this war is what actually fuels you, enabling you to havee what you had today. If you stopped giving information now that would destroy your whole purpose. Plus...

Money

The devious smile returned to your face as you look down to the Captain whos eyes were set for murder, not making any action until you. Like a good boy. You kneeled down to him, cupping his cheek- inviting him to your office for being able to stand up to you which no ones ever dared to do.  simple reward really, gesturing for them to, "Follow me...” gesturing for them to trail behind as the twileks grabbed their helmets setting them at the entrance of your hideout, leading both you and the troopers to the upper floors. Upon entering the Captain was met with a sight to behold. The finest furniture some even lined with gold, in a giant open room. A wall area facing towards the sunset completely gone leading to an outside to a deck to overlook your resort. The beautiful trees sprouting from the crystal clear water in the center almost touched the deck itself allowing people to pick the natural fruits that grew. Your bedroom was attached to the office as well as the bathroom in an open concept layout with the ability to walk anywhere freely without a door. 

The twileks offered them seats though the captain preferred to stand watching you lean against the front desk as he waited for everyone to get comfortable. It was mentioned of your beauty across the star field but... not to this extent. The way your skin color highlighted the beauty in your eyes and how your hair waved from the light breeze coming in... it was hard for him not to be attracted to you. Considering you were in your leisure wear, a thin, airy dress that had no problem revealing your curves made the captain almost think it was a mistake coming here. Though you'd made sure he'd think otherwise before he left. After all amongst all the troopers you had seen and killed he was the finest of them all. 

You folded your arms learning against the front of the desk as you informed them that "What you paid.... is very little but because im feeling... generous-" You smirked answering his question sparingly as you walked slowly towards your desk tracing your fingers along the guest chairs that sat in front. The long pause leaving the captain in suspense as he follows captivated by your movement, “I will give you this... Yes Hemlock wants Omega but thats because his project cannot be completed without her or someone with a similar m count. Though Im not sure what the project is for, its practically...necromancy." 

"necromancy....what do you mean?"

"I dont know. Not my field of expertise but i will tell you that they will find omega with whatever or whomever it takes. Even me. Though my prices are high..." You checked your nails panning a malicious grin to the troopers who were all glaring from the comment ready to put the infamous ghost out on the spot, even if it meant risking their lives... "Don't worry boys, Just a joke. I don't hunt children...." One of the twileks handed you a pad gesturing them to bring 2 others from your safe. "This, however, Is what I can give you. Everything else....-“, you nodded over to the suitcase full of credits, “-You gotta pay." You winked as you handed the captain a slate with all the troopers under hemlocks experiments seeing not only the survivors but the ones who succumbed to the villainous torture. 

He closed his eyes and sighed, sad he couldn't free them from suffering before they passed making his mission much more critical. Even you could see that. He continued swiping through the data realizing that this only contained information about the troopers with non disclosed locations and nothing else. "Where were these troopers stationed..?" He asked you, raising an eyebrow. Though it was trivial to continue the conversation... a part of you genuinely wanted to help but you remained silent. "Ghost...-" he took a step forward, his troopers looking to each other as they watch the situation unfold with you perched up on your desk. Your hands bolstering you forward, presenting the strongest qualities of yourself. You tilted your head watching him inch closer to you, "Yes...?"

“Tell me…”

You saw a man solidified in his ideals, desperate for answers as anything beyond what he had would suffice at this point- and you knew that. As devious at it sounds, the real question was… payment. You opened your legs, scooting to the edge of the desk to get a closer look as you slide your hands up his chest piece to test his morals, wondering how you could slither past those values and take them apart...piece by piece. He watched your every move, wary but oddly turned on by the interaction waiting for you to make your next move as the troopers behind stood ready to shoot inching closer in fear for their leader- begging for a fight with one of their biggest enemies-

You. 

Bitting your lips, you gaze up to his eyes seeing them low and curious which was the perfect time to incite the siren in you. You slid your leg up the captains watching his walls break one by one as you felt his heart beat through the chest piece, “and… what will you give me?” 

“Anything”

He responded instantly bringing that same grin to your face recognizing that he was falling into your spell and like the vixen you are… it was very much obliged. “Anything?” You raised an eyebrow, reaching for the clip to his chest piece to pull yourself forward, whispering in his ear as you felt his hands creep up your thighs sending waves of electricity throughout your body with the hidden slit in your skimpy now revealing your soft skin below, his thoughts began to capsize making him get that much closer to falling into your trap. 

“Anything…” He uttered low and slow as he panned back to his troopers nodding towards the door to indicate that they leave with you ordering the twileks in their language to treat the clones with 'upmost hospitality'.... and a room for the night. The girls mischievous grin matched their leaders as they delivered the clones out of the room, flirting and offering drinks downstairs at the bar with the rest of the women fully igniting the sirens nest as it became fully active with new toys to play with. 

As the blaster door closed behind the captain redirected his attention to you as you patiently analyzed the man gripping your thighs. It had been long since youve been with someone and the moment you first laid eyes on him he had already been caught in your web of desires. There was something about him that seemed dominating.... like- every other man you came across who failed to live up to your expectations left you blue and disappointed but, this one? Seemed much different. 

"Take off your gear"

You ordered watching him finish unclipping his chest piece you so graciously started followed by his shoulder pads and gauntlets pausing before he set his twin blasters on the table next to you. Him purposefully reaching past you at close proximity to give you a good look of who you were messing with, making you smile with determination- admiring his tenacity to front you as if it were childs play. The man was experienced. Things just kept getting better and better, keeping you much incited watching him take the rest of his gear off down to his blacks. You crossed your legs bringing your hand to your jaw as you inspect the man before you. 

You pointed to him twirling your fingers in circles to indicate he take off the rest but was only met with half a response. He never left your eyes throwing his shit to the ground revealing his worked muscles and battle scars. This wasnt the body of just any man. It was a warriors. Chiseled down to the smallest fiber of muscle, he was extremely built for his size and you could tell from the scars and healing wounds that it wasnt for show. Compared to your body, each scar you carried had a story... making you wondering more and more what his were. 'Hes intriguing...-'

You scoffed

Amazed you could be so into someone within hours of meeting. Most men was out of lust, or a result of the drunk in you and never really meant anything nor have you ever cared. But this man...clone- he was the type of different you didnt know you liked and now? It was time to test how just how strong he is. You hopped off the desk, this time pacing to him as both your eyes locked in a dance, treading carefully around him. You first look at his chest, seeing 2 or 3 scars and a couple wounds, but the one that intrigued you the most was the one over his heart, raising your hand to touch the withered scar. "A near death experience I see?", You raised an eyebrow smiling but was not returned in kind. "It was a long time ago.." He stated averting his eyes forward as he delved into his memory of the blast that left him incapacitated for a few weeks. Not something he enjoyed reflecting on as you continued patrolling around him bringing yourself back to where you started. You had counted 10 scars in total, most of them new but the one that intrigued you the most was the one on his chest. Though, getting that story out of him would be complicated given his state. 

So to spice things up; Since Tattoine's suns were now at the horizon... leaving the planet in its evening golden state, it was the perfect time to return the favor. You faced towards the balcony, your back against him, feeling the warm breeze swoop in as you inhaled the gentle smell of fruits and fragrances that inundated the room. You slid the straps of your summer dress down making it drop to the floor with ease. Beneath revealed your secrets. Dark blue lingerie built into a harness carrying various versions of knives on your thighs, upper arms, and waist band. The rest? Open skin and to his shock? A multitude of deep, penetrating scars across your body some that looked extremely deadly and others... The burn on your thigh covered by a krayt dragon tattoo, revealed your finite curves and breasts. Though you were wearing a bra and panties that are see through (if you close enough) wondering which area he would choose to look, noticing his eyes carrying to the burn on your thigh and the tattoo that shields it. 

"Nal Hutta..." you uttered as you start to disarm yourself. The captain put his hands behind his back still holding composure as he listened-  watched as you place your weapons on the desk lined up neatly next to his blasters and when you turned around you could feel his eyes burning on you. No doubt on the thong that revealed your toned appendages to him. Large and jelly like- it was what most men went for making you wonder if he was an ass or tits type of guy. Nevertheless... you finally drop the harness on the dress below your feet leaving you only in your underwear and panties. "I was releasing some twileks who were illegally traded, actually those two girls who were here are from that raid. Tanker blew up during rescue, barbecued my thigh-", You paused briefly, slapping your thigh to make it jiggle. The action making the captain raise a brow as he continued to listen with anticipation as the blood started rushing through his body watching you jiggle before him. You folded your arms and continued,"-Lucky for me, I had hired a bounty hunter who knew how to tattoo. The Krayt Dragon here on tattooine-?" You paused again turning around to see his regain his composure, making you grin at the sight of him losing it. "They're ferocious creatures not to be trifled with but hunted for rare pearls inside them. Kinda like all of us here..." 

The malicious grin that sprawled on your face. Officially warning him of where he is though it didnt phase him at all. He remained still, listening...waiting. Now left in your undergarments you slowly walked up to the captain tracing your fingers along his chest while looking up with lewd eyes to get him to break. "So captain...whats your story?", your traced your finger along his chest scar only to be captured by the wrist yet again, as he grew tired of the stalling. 

"And whats your game?"

He asked, as you furrowed your eyebrows and was caught by surprise when he lifted you onto him slamming you onto the desk behind making some of your knives fall to the ground. You looked up to him, your arms around his neck as he growled in your ear, "If you want me to fuck you just say it" You were stunned seeing this type of impulse come so randomly and out of the blue. It was unexpected but to your surprise you liked it and it turned you on. "Say it...", the lust now oozing from him, seeing the bulge in his blacks grow larger and larger. But you were still caught up in the moment, wanting to be absolutely dominated by this man at all costs and to be honest....you think he already caught on as rash as he has been these last couple of minutes, he started by ripping your bra off to reveal your hardened nipples, his tell sign to continue. He looked down, cupping your breast in his burley, hands squeezing hard. A moan escaped your lips, "Say it...", he utters squeezing again.

His order turned into a demand 

Now controlling the mood and the situation as you throw your head back enjoying his touch. Feeling yourself pool below, begging to be ravaged. You shot your hand up to his. stopping him in place as you brought a vicarious look to shadow his own, "If you want all the information requested... You're going to have to do a lot better than this... Captain", and though they weren't the words he needed, you had spoken. Rex pushed you down and slid your panties off, throwing your legs over his shoulders. The hand holding your breast now sliding down to meet his other at your hips as he kneeled down in front of the desk and started to devour you. Swirling his tongue over your jewel suckling at the sensitive flesh. Each circle of his tongue sent waves of pleasure throughout your body. An ecstasy you hadnt felt in so so long. He spread your thighs with his finger tips for better access as he feasted on your juices known to be every gentleman’s favorite until you unraveled.

"C-captain!"

You gasped, now gripping his head while furrowing your brows trying to maintain whatever dignity you had left, feeling the walls inside you begin to tighten and pulse. When he shoved two fingers inside of you, pressing on your special spot over and over you began to coo his name over and over, now holding your breath- closer to climax, "Don't stop..." You ordered only for him to refuse it, stopping directly in his tracks as he hovered before you. "If were going to do this, we are doing it my way...", He flipped you around aggressively. The shock forced your hands to slam against the desk for stability, enjoying how rough he was getting with you as you panned back to see him pull his bottoms down revealing his throbbing shaft pulsing for release. "Whatever you say..." you groaned, the juices dripping down your thigh as he spent not a second to waste shoving himself inside. 

"Mmmm-ssss" It was slow at first, his brows furrowed in tune with the moans escaping his lips as he threw his head back starting the thrust little by little. He felt enormous, filling all of you inside not regretting a second as he continued thrusting against your tight walls pressing against your cervix. He lifted your hips now pile driving you into the desk. Each thrust sent never ending jolts through your body making even your cheeks jiggle. The wet sounds from both your skin and juices now filled the silence as the ecstasy starting to grow uncontrollably. Between his grip, feeling all the pent up anger that had built since the clone ways ended, and the way his hips rocked against yours the devilish scene carried into carnage. He started panhandling you, whipping you around and fucking you in the air with only the slaps of your skin and moans filling in the silence. 

-Sounds that can be heard from all over the dome 

hearing you call his name over and over again, fucking you as if you were the last peerson on earth available to him. You could tell its been a while for him too but seeing that face, the anger and the lust lost in translation of each other, blending into this perfect moment you were sharing until his beautiful brown eyes met yours. Just the way he looked at you, like a lion ready to feast on its pray made your walls tightened again, the climax almost at its peak as the captain started pulsing inside you. "Where...", he asked slamming you back down on the desk throwing one of your legs around him as he continues thrusting. "Anywhere....", you managed to slip out only for him to pump into you three more times before he shot his seed all over your body. Thread after thread of warm white liquid graced your skin, sending goosebumps in contrast of the cold air between. He collapsed above you, using a arm to hold himself up as you both took a moment to capture your breaths.

It had been a while, a very long while since Rex got to feel someone so amazing. It had even been so long since he touched himself, all that cum thats been building... He wanted to leave his mark somewhere elsee too. He reeinserted himself saving the last beads of white for you as he cuppeed your lower back bringing you in for a kiss "Yeah Captain?" still feeling him pulse while his eyes were closed, riding out his high as the pace slowed putting one last pump before pulling out watching the reeaminder drain out of you. 

"Yeah...", He said, now locked into your eyes seeing he wasn't quiet done. He looked over seeing the bed in the open concept room and panned back to you. The devious look in both your eyes led to a night full of ambition and lust. You tried to get up only for him to throw you over his shoulder and drop you in the bed. "Who said we were done?"

[mvrtaiswriting]

Run your mouth x Armin Artlert. ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :

this is a revisited (and better) version of my old work. enjoy!

gender neutral reader. pronoun "they" used.

warnings: angst (it ends well), suggestive, intoxication (weed). alternative au

feel free to reblog, like, and leave a comment. i would very much appreciate it. if you enjoy my works, click here to read more or buy me a coffee.

“Why didn’t you not say anything?!”

“You need to stop letting people speak to you like that, Armin. God, even one of Connie’s ‘yo mama’ type of joke would have been a more decent comeback!”

Those words rolled down your tongue before you could realise it, planting one dagger after the other right where Armin was hurting the most. Yet, Armin's gaze escaped yours one more time that day, looking at everything else but you. Letting himself crash against the sofa of his living room, he finally sighed.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter.”

Armin finally spit out, biting his bottom lip. Another sigh escaped his lips as you watched him run his fingers through his hair, a few blonde strands falling over his forehead. All he wanted to do was leaving everything that happened behind and avoid another conflict. Specially with you.

“Fine.”

Was all you managed to say, rushing towards the door and putting your jacket on. The warmth on your cheeks was getting harder to ignore and you just couldn't allow yourself to lash out at Armin again. Maybe Armin didn't care - maybe he was able to leave it all behind. But you weren't, and if those words didn't hurt him, they definitely hurt you. There was nothing in this word that could justify his complete lack of reaction, the complete silence you were met with every time you tried to talk things through.

After all, this was a tale as old as time. Since you had known him, you had seen him react. Not when Bertholdt took his book out of his hands and set fire to him when you were in middle school, not when Annie almost punched him but you intervened instead - ending up in a fight and then in an hospital room with 5 stitches on your chin as a consequence. The two of you had met in primary school, when you were still taller than him and his hair was longer than yours - and you always took care of one another. The memory of Armin's little finger putting a plaster on your scarred knee on the playground was still vivid in your mind - you've never parted way since.

It was so hard now to grasp onto this dear memories. All you could see was a grown man not standing up for himself, a true believer of always being the biggest person instead of flipping someone off - even if that meant overlooking the worst episodes of one's life. Adrenaline was still pumping in your veins from earlier on that morning, that pervasive sense of frustration still all over you as if you had to fight back, as if you were the one who was insulted. You were fuming - you were mad at him for being so passive about life, you were mad at the world for being so disgustingly cruel.

Armin’s blue eyes remained locked on you the whole time, meticulously following your movements as you roamed through the room to pick up your things. You were gone before he could say something, before he could swallow the lump in his throat and actually come up with something that would make you stay. Yet, before he could come up with something, you stormed out of his apartment, neither of you speaking one more word. It was only when he realised you were distant enough that Armin finally let himself go, a frustrated scream finally making its way out, emptying his lungs and lifting an heavy weight from his shoulders.

There were so many things Armin should have said - maybe he should have thanked you for standing up for him, for always stepping up even if it didn't matter, even if he didn't deserve it. He knew you could see right through him; he knew that you could how much all the hatred collected through the years had cracked his seemingly unbreakable shield - you knew there was hurt underneath his shell of indifference.

Maybe he should have told you that he hated himself for all those times he had put you in danger, by allowing you to step up - or maybe he should have just told you that he was working on his avoidant tendencies. Maybe, just maybe, he should have confronted you and tell you that yes, he hated being involved in stupid arguments but he would turn the world upside down for you.

-

When Jean asked him to come over, Armin didn’t think about it twice: he really needed an excuse to shut down his brain.

The familiar, stinging smell of weed, typical of Jean's and Connie's apartment tingled Armin's nose even before knocking on his friend's door. Jean was quick to open the door, leading Armin to the living room where the rest of the group had already started their session.

Sitting on the floor, Armin took place next to Eren. Despite Jean's invite to a 'boys-only' night, Armin couldn't help but quickly scan the room, hoping to find you there. There was radio-silence between the two of you - and he hated it. Quickly reaching his pockets, Armin grabbed his phone and scrolled quickly through his notifications - not a call, not a text. Not from you at least.

“Someone told me you had a rough day.”

Eren's raspy voice called Armin back to reality. Armin only nodded in response, before his friend passed him the already light up joint he was holding in his hands.

“Are they okay?”

Armin asked, taking a long drag from the joint between his long fingers and leaning his body against the sofa, shoulders and head resting on the seating’s pillow. As he breathed the smoke in, Armin realised you must have talked to Mikasa about what happened.

Eren nodded silently, knowing well enough how worried Armin was for you.

“They’re with Sasha and Mikasa, they’ll join us later.”

Eren added, only receiving a weak nod from Armin in response.

Riding off the slowly building up high, Armin let his mind wonder. How could he be stupid enough to let you walk away? Was he testing his luck even further? How hard could it be to realise the luck that he must have had during all those years - in which you never left his side. Always showering him with love, and care, and so much affection - and all he managed to was being a damsel in distress. Never man enough to stand up for himself, or for you. How could he even dare to dream of you, how could he even bring himself to think you could love him the way he loved you - and deserve it. If love was to be earned, Armin wasn't sure if he'd ever deserve yours.

Armin finished his joint without even realising it, smashing its remains against the ashtray as he slowly started to feel his body become lighter and his mind quieter, highness rushing over his body as he finally felt calm for the first time that day. The rest of his friends were a mess, Connie laughing his lungs out while having meaningless conversation with Jean. He enjoyed the peaceful chaos of the moment, finding himself laughing at one of Connie’s ‘deez nuts’ jokes without even realising it.

When you finally arrived at Jean's apartment, followed by Sasha and Mikasa, Armin had already smoked one more joint with Connie - yet, this didn't hinder his senses. Simply hearing you greet the rest of the group made him sit up straight, his eyes quickly scanning the room hoping to catch a glimpse of you. When you finally entered his visual field, he couldn't help but stare for a moment. Locking his blue eyes on you, he looked at you in religious silent as he observed every movement your body made. Not a word left his lips - he couldn't bring himself to say a word. A wave of unexpected emotions had rushed over him and all he could do was admire you, finally being able to maintain eye contact with you for the first time that day.

Letting out a big sigh, you were quick to notice the state Armin was in. His eyes were half-lidded, the blue of his iris emphasised by the redness of the rest of his eyes. You slowly kneed next to him, scanning his face looking for any trace of lucidity.

"You're beautiful."

Armin finally spoke. Your faces were only a few centimetres apart while you made sure he was okay, so close to him he could feel your warm breath tickling the skin of his face.

"Shut up."

Was all that you said as a soft smile adorned your lips, finally sitting next to him. Even when sitting down, he still managed to be a little taller than you. You let your head rest on his shoulder, and he instinctively adjusted himself to ensure you were comfortable enough.

"I mean it. and.."

Armin paused, taking a deep breath. He wasn't lucid, but he wasn't absent-minded either. He just was high enough to have the courage to speak up about his feelings.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't."

You replied, letting out a sigh. Snuggling closer to Armin, you guided Armin's arm around you, engulfing yourself into his embrace. Armin was quick to tighten the grip on you, letting his long fingers reach your hips and holding you tighter.

"I wish I was a better man."

Armin spoke again. His words felt sharper than ever this time, piercing right through you. The last thing you wanted was to make him feel as if he wasn't enough - all your life you tried to make him understand his worth.

"You're the best man I know."

You replied, making Armin giggle. Your replies were always quicker than his, always sharper - and he loved that. Armin watched as you reached for his hand, playing with his fingers. Snuggling closer to him, you let your head rest on the crook of his neck - your breathing gently itching his soft spot, constantly sending shivers down his spine. Armin remained silent for a while - he was feeling your body in ways he had only dreamt of, his senses being completely overwhelmed. Yet, it was your words that echoed in his head - was he hallucinating? Are these words that every friend would say to another?

Shifting from your position to sit down properly and take a hit from the joint Connie passed you, Armin was quick to wrap his arm around your waist, trapping you in his embrace once again. Your back was now resting against his chest, your bodies perfectly fitting together like a puzzle-piece. That was the quickest reflex Armin has ever had in his life. Where were you going? He didn't want you to leave his arms. Not tonight. Not ever.

Laughing at his reaction, you allowed him to hold you closer, melting under his touch. His hands wondered down your hips again and every stupid fibre of your body ached for more, your skin almost burning every time Armin's fingers grazed you, even by accident. If only Armin had known about this - about all the times your mind went dumb at the sole idea of him touching you. If only Armin knew how much you loved him, and cared for him. If only Armin knew the only reason you were so mad at him was his blindness to the way you ached for him, realising just how wonderful he was.

Taking the joint from Connie, you were quick to take a hit. Armin's eyes were once again fixed on you, as he watched the way your lips wrapped around the joint's filter - dying to have a taste of them. Armin shook his head, trying to think straight - but he just couldn't. The higher he got, the more the thought of you crowded his mind. Your lips had him so obviously hypnotised, making his mind wonder off again; flashback of you kissing when you were 12 because you wanted to be each other's first kiss was everything he could think of. The way it felt, the softness of your lips, the sweet innocence of a typical, awkward first kiss. Too many times he had asked himself how would it feel to kiss you now that the innocence was gone, now that he touched himself under the shower just thinking of you.

Worried about Armin's sudden silence, you shook his shoulder only lightly, in hope to get him back to reality.

"Are you okay? Wanna hit?" Armin looked at you for a second, processing your question and analysing the scene he was watching. You were standing only a few centimetres away from his face once again, your lips were burning red because of the heated filter you smoked from. His heart was beating quickly and suddenly that was all he could hear. Flashback of you kissing running through his mind once again, the dirtiest scenarios he imagined you in flooding his mind and running just before his eyes.

"Fuck that."

Armin said, before grabbing your waist and pulling you into a desperate, passionate kiss. His grip felt unusually strong and firm on your skin, his touch loosing its usual kindness as he locked his lips on yours as he slid his tongue into your mouth, desperate to have a taste of you. Although surprised at first, you were quick to reciprocate the kiss, letting your hand reach his jaw and almost pulling him on top of you.

Jean and Eren cheered for Armin, echoing some stupid choirs as the two of you ended up making out on the floor. Breaking the kiss due to a shortness of breath, you rested your forehead against Armin's. Staring at you, he left a soft kiss on the tip of your nose praying you won't notice the redness of his cheeks.

"Damn it Artlert.."

"So you do know how to run your mouth, uh?" you teased, leaving a quick kiss on his lips.

"I have a few more tricks I can show you."

[respectthepetty]

Hi @respectthepetty, what were your top 5 colour moments in bl/ql this year?

Thank you.

@blogiamgoingmad, this is a tough one because I love all the colors I get regardless of how they come to me. In fact, I love color so much, I've written about the best visual narratives in two other posts:

Top 5 - Color-Coded Storytelling in BLs

Reading the (Visual) Rainbow Awards

So for this ask, I made sure to not pick the same moments listed in the other two posts, and this list includes unfinished shows as long as the "color moment" happened in 2023.

Top Five Color Moments of 2023

Honorable Mention: 7 Days Before Valentine - Dark Descent

Since the show isn't finished, and I know Q is going to be completely black before the end, I'm greatly enjoying seeing him get darker and darker each episode as he erases another person from existence at Sun's request.

Even though the lighting still shines brighter on him than Sun, I don't think that is going to last much longer, especially because I think Sun is going to ask Q to erase him which will cause Q to be the darkest he has been. I'm smiling too much at the mere thought of this to be sane, but this is a great visual narrative that I want to see more shows use consistently.

#5 - GAP - Tickled Pink

I love color exchanges (where a character wears the other character's color to show they are in love), but Sam, a Black Brooder, took her sweet ass time wearing Mon's pink in GAP. I was Kirby holding a knife outside her house all season waiting for Sam to prove that she loved Mon by simply wearing Mon's pink.

The last episode was upon us, and I needed to know if Sam was finally going to commit to Mon's pink; then, Idol Factory announced the finale would not be released on streaming platforms until after a paid screening. I was mad, but I'm a pirate by blood, so I watched an unsubbed version, saw Sam wearing pink as her WEDDING DRESS, and forgive Idol Factory for its season of color frustration because if the wedding didn't tell us Sam was committed to her Pink Person, the pink wedding dress sure the hell did.

#4 - Bed Friend - The Blue Light

Uea was great at communicating boundaries with King in Bed Friend, and King was even better abiding by them. So in the second episode, after taking Uea to go get tested after they had sex, King asked Uea to try a bed friends situation out, to which Uea said okay, but then avoided King. Blue Boy King (actually bi-colored) drove Red Rascal Uea home and put him on the spot asking Uea to make a decision as they waited at the red light with the countdown flashing: If Uea said "yes," they would go to King's condo, and if Uea said nothing, he would take Uea straight home. Then, Uea GAVE HIM THE GREEN BLUE LIGHT.

This light was blue instead of green which leaned into the color coding, but it was perfectly timed with Uea opening himself up to the possibility of something more with King. The light changing was a symbolic moment, and it was beautiful.

#3 - Last Twilight - Pink Milk

This series isn't finished, but I hope it continues to give me Mork in pink shirts because pink = 💗love💗, and this is the perfect homage to a BL tradition. Pink milk is a BL staple, but wasn't used that much in 2023. Only Friends referenced it, but Last Twilight purchased real estate in BL Land with its ode to it. Day and Mork had a nice day out together where Day purchased that bright ass pink shirt for Mork after Mork claimed it was too pink like Pink Milk for him to ever wear. Then, after losing each other on a busy street, Mork put on the bright pink shirt so Day could see him and hasn't stopped wearing pink since.

Mork fell first. He fell harder. And we don't need pink milk to know he is a member of the rainbow community. He has pink shirts to let us and Day see him for who he is - a man in love with another man.

#2 - Moonlight Chicken - Alan's Glow Up

Alan was in his feelings for most of his part in Moonlight Chicken. He was still in love with Wen and trying to make it work living with him, but Wen was done done. He was upset that Wen was seeing someone else. He broke a limb being drunk over Wen! He was sad, cold, and alone. Then, he spoke to Jim at the funeral after speaking with Kaipa, and he seemed to brighten up a bit.

Alan's color continued to brighten and become warmer as the series came to a close due to a combination of realizing Wen had really moved on, and that he, too, could do the same.

I won't give his newfound "friendship' with Kaipa all the credit because I truly think being friends with his ex and friendly with his ex's new boyfriend is what really warmed Alan up. Knowing he had a community, which was a theme in the series, was the support Alan needed to glow up.

#1 - The Eighth Sense - Monochrome Metro

This moment actually belongs to @how-to-be-a-tree who brought it to my attention, but Jae Won was color coded black and dark while Ji Hyun was a colorful and light person. When they went on their not-date-date, as they sat opposite of each other on the metro, their sides of the empty metro car reflected their respective color coding.

A few people in the reblogs and tags pointed out it was the BL version of the above meme, but it truly was a moment of pure awe that the show went as far as to color edit the seats to reinforce the story being told. Jae Won wasn't magically a lighter person simply being around Ji Hyun. He was still dark, and it wouldn't be until the end of the series that Jae Won actually became a bit lighter because HE was finally ready for change, which speaks volumes about depression and mental health.

Bonus: Jeff Satur x SHAUN's "Steal the Show"

Because it was gay (canon to me), color coded, and beautiful!

[difeisheng]

The first fic idea I ever had for MLC occurred sometime between the airing of episodes 8-14. I used it as a dialogue exercise by writing all the spoken parts first, then going back to fill in things like actions and thoughts. This never got completed as I stopped being as interested in exploring that segment of canon in writing (and I wanted to watch more of the show to ensure I got character voices right). However, I still think this concept was engaging, so here's what I did get finished before my mind wandered away.

"Would it be worse if I let Fang Duobing die in front of you, or just stole him from you?" Di Feisheng asks, stirring a bowl of soup he can't taste, and watches Li Xiangyi freeze.

He's gotten better at controlling his reactions, these last ten years. Harder to get a proper rise out of. The half-second of his entire body locking at Di Feisheng's words, though, before he drops his shoulders, forces himself to untense, is impossible to miss.

"If you can get that nuisance to stop following me around then it'll be a blessing," Li Xiangyi says, too casually, and swallows down a mouthful of wine from his bottle. "I need some peace in my house."

"Interesting." They're jammed close enough sitting together at Li Xiangyi's kitchen table that even by dim lamplight Di Feisheng can read his expression, see the urge to wander away from the topic spelled in his eyes.

"Honestly, I'd be surprised if you could make him leave me alone," Li Xiangyi continues, quick in the silence. "I've already left him by the road twice and he still manages to find me. I say, he's even more stubborn than Huli Ji—"

"Li Xiangyi. Don't pretend to be obtuse, we're both smarter than that. Or I hope you are." Di Feisheng sips at his own wine, and thinks, idly, that there are some things it's better not to sense the flavour of anymore. The smell of wine is off-putting enough; at least drinking like this is finally worth its effects. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you've somehow gotten more perceptive about things since Qiao-guniang."

"The past is past. Both A-Mian and I have moved on."

"Right. You've grown beyond that, or however you word what you're telling yourself. Congratulations." He raises his bottle in mockery of a toast. "So you've noticed how that boy acts around you."

Li Xiangyi sighs, lets the sound fade into the night. "He's not being subtle."

"Look at him. Have you never considered it?"

"What... have you?" Li Xiangyi frowns.

Di Feisheng lets himself smile, the one reserved for heralding challenge. "I'm more interested in whether or not you have."

"He's Shan Gudao's son."

"And that's what would hold you back? He's still his own person."

"How many years are there betwe—"

"Even if you don't know what you want, he does."

Li Xiangyi falls quiet.

"He's young. Whatever he thinks he wants, he's wrong," he says, gaze tracing the worn wood of the table. "And whatever it is, it's not really you, anyway."

"Oh, I'm well aware of that."

"Then why think of trying anything?"

"It would be amusing. Amusing," Di Feisheng says, "depending on how you answer the question you're dodging, Li Xiangyi. Was it a yes or no? How much have you thought about him?"

Li Xiangyi just eyes him before tipping his head back, pouring wine into his mouth instead.

"Although even if it's yes that doesn't amount to much, since you'll never say anything to him. He'll be left making hopeless eyes and promises at you." Di Feisheng laughs, the shadow of it wound in his voice. "That didn't change after all this time, did it? Li Xiangyi, the perfect elusive hero, forever chased after but never held. Who will ever really know his hea—"

"Fine. Yes. Once." Li Xiangyi slams his bottle down on the table. It's a proper glare he fixes Di Feisheng with now. Familiar. "Are you happy now?"

"That's all?"

"What else do you want?" He crosses his arms. "I'm not giving you details. You used to be creative, if I remember. Fill in the blanks if you care that much."

Di Feisheng scoffs. "Next question, then." He pushes aside the wine. "You wouldn't like it if I were to go have my own fun with him, would you?"

"Aren't you already enjoying yourself with all this?"

"You call watching you give up on yourself fun?" Di Feisheng snaps before thought, leaning closer, and oh, maybe he's had one sip of wine too many. "You think losing— no. This isn't fun."

Li Xiangyi stares at him. "You don't care about Fang Duobing."

"Never pretended I did, in this. The point is that you do."

[4getfulimaginator2022]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I haven't been tagged, but I saw @fandomsbyladymelodrama do one of these a few months back - so of course, I wanted to give it a try. 🙃 Also, I haven't done any personal posts on here in forever. Time for a change!

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 18 works so far. And when it comes to ships, it looks like I have a "type." 😉

What's your total AO3 word count? Oh boy. 660K+ right now and growing all the time because when stories speak, I write.

What fandoms do you write for? Mainly Once Upon a Time (starting in 2013), followed by Game of Thrones (2024, baby!) and then that 1 Greek myth collection thingy. I was a die-hard Once fan back in the day and watched episodes religiously, so all the canon lore was seared into my brain until season 6 (when I dropped the show because the writing was so off the rails). Surprise, surprise - I haven't watched GoT in its entirety. Everything I know is through my own research, watching videos, reading, reading, reading, and the contributions of the wonderful Jorleesi fandom.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? All Captain Swan fics, in order from the most to the least: 1) Heart Bound 2) Only the Beginning 3) A Cobbler's Life For Me 4) Be My Angel, Be My Demon 5) Nevermore

Do you respond to comments? I try! I used to be less strict about replying to comments, but with my resurgence in fanfic after years of absence, I have replied to each and every one. Currently, I am behind on replies, but I will get around to it again. Soon.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oof. I don't do angsty endings because I will die on the hill that is Jane Austen: “My characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire.” Probably my angstiest ending is in Trader of Hearts, which is a really dark fic. I do have a one-shot that is semi-angsty, though: Thinking of You.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? *deer in headlights look* I make it my business to give my beloved characters the happiest endings I can. Seriously. I don't know how to rank endings against each other, since the characters always end up together. I currently think my happiest ending is for The Old Curiosity Shop, my Jorleesi fic.

Do you get hate on fics? I have, but these were readers telling me how I should write my stories "the right way." I also have gotten spam comments. Overall, people are pretty nice.

Do you write smut? Hoo-hah! 😏 Let's count: I have 3 fics rated Mature and 5 fics rated Explicit. That's half of my fic repertoire. And when I do Explicit, it's ❤️‍🔥. Enough said.

Do you write crossovers? No. Not happening, cannot do, end of discussion.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Well... There was a scandal back on FF.net in 2014 or 2015? Websites were copying all fanfics to scammy websites or selling fanfics as ebooks. Not cool. I used to have all my content on FF.net, but now only my in-progress fics are there. All my fics are up on AO3.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Hey, if someone is offering... But again, no. No one ever wanted to co-write with me. 🥺 But maybe it's because I'm sooooooooo bossy!

What's your all-time favorite ship? Oh crap. All-time favorite?! WHAT. I have to cheat here and say there's a tie: Captain Swan and Jorleesi. Emma Swan and Killian Jones had a long journey to love and happiness, both in terms of their individual character growth and their relationship as a couple. The more I learned about them, the harder I fell in love with them. It helped that the CS fandom was HUGE as the ship became canon, and Tumblr was so active then that #captainswan was all over the place. We were one of the largest canon ships for that show. Now, as for Jorleesi... Jorah Mormont's loyalty and devotion earned my attention and respect from the first, and then when I found out about his love for Daenerys and her repressed love affection for him, I was a goner. My 2 OTPs: both women are BAMFs who are survivors and warriors, while their guys value love above all and are willing to die to protect them (*sobbing for Jorah because noooooooo* 😭)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Heart Bound. This fic... I love this fic. This is my Jane Eyre/Jane Austen fix. It's my 2nd period piece and I adore some of my prose in this one. It. Needs. 4. Chapters. To. Be. Complete. Can I do it? Yes. Do I want to do it? *cries* Of course I do but it's hard...

What are your writing strengths? Hmm. Some would say it's my prose, while others would say that I know how to channel emotion into my writing. I like to incorporate literature and historical references into my fics (historical AUs or not), so I think I've done well with that. I've also been told that my characterizations are fantastic and unique. You do notice that I'm not claiming credit for any of these observations, right? Usually, I believe my writing is awful and I could have done so much better. I have a hard time acknowledging my strengths. You could hand me an Olympic gold medal for Writing and I would still insist that it's all lies. My self-belief and confidence have not improved over the years.

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue. It's always dialogue. I want it to be realistic but my vocab gets in the way and it starts sounding like prose. Not good. But I am getting better! No way to go but up.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Maybe I'd do it, but it would have to be necessary for me to put in the effort. I don't purposely bamboozle my readers. 🤣

First fandom you wrote for? Once Upon a Time (of course *rolls eyes*). One Against the Wind is my ultimate period fic - pirates, the Caribbean, my tribute to PotC and pirate novels I've read. I created character backstory when there was no canon backstory. It's also my longest fic at 147K words. So proud of it and it still holds a special place in my heart. 😍

Favorite fic you've written? Ugh, no no no! I always, always say I cannot have one favorite because that is BORING. But okay, I will say that at the moment, it's The Old Curiosity Shop. I just did a full read of the entire fic and my heart absolutely melted. Adorable, heartbreaking, angsty, and so romantic. Jorleesi, I love you and I will die for you. You own my heart a thousand times over. ❤️

Fineeeee, I'll tag 5 people (no worries if you don't want to do this - completely voluntary fun and games here 💕): @ser-jorah-the-andal, @rileypotter17, @houseofthebear, @clarasimone, @thank-god-and-you

[bonesandthebees]

I care about Rose! In fact, we started watching house of dragon (only 2 episode so far though) and it constantly makes me think of Rose because you use it as inspiration. Like obviously there’s the coronation scene which reminds me of stars. And there’s the character Willum is sorta kinda inspired by. And it’s an entirely different world, but every time I’m drawn back to Rose wondering how things will play out. (Which is not pressure to finish writing it if you don’t want to. Writer’s block can be a bitch and I get that the motivation for this project has been sucked out, but I just want you to know that I still care, and I’m not the only one.)

Also, I’ve been meaning to start my Ready, Set, Detonate analysis but I keeps getting away from me. I’m not sure there will be much to analyse, but there’s definitely fun details I want to point out. Oh and I am Looking 👀 at the fit/pac tag and kicking my feet. I don’t actually know if they are already in a relationship (I’m sure we’ll find out, but I just loved Fit’s little “Pac’s here?” That man is gone. Oh and I’m so excited for this Tubbo and to read more Bagi and the lore. Just all of it.

Then the original writing is a mood. I keep getting like a few chapters into my story before deciding it’s not good enough or thinking of something else I could do and throwing it all out. It’s this constant loop that never seems to get anywhere even though the story gets more and more fleshed out in my head every time. I think it’s because the opportunities are endless. Like there’s no characters and personalities and dynamics to stick to like there is in fan fiction. It’s free game but that does mean you have to decide everything yourself.

Anyway, best original writing advice I can give is remember the drafting process. There’s going to be a shit ton of drafts, which feels different for you because you’ve been mostly writing stories and posting them as you go, which means some minor or major editing, but leaves you without a chance to do a once over. It’s a sort of pressure to get everything right the first time. Meanwhile, original writing is something you keep close to your chest. There’s different drafting stages ranging from the zero draft (aka excessive daydreaming about all the possibilities) to the final draft (where you just go through and kill all your darlings and pour over ever single word to find the right one).

I’m struggling a lot with the first draft, which is literally just getting words onto a page. It’s a somewhat coherent mess that just allows you to shape the story and its structure so you can work off of that and edit it later on. I don’t know if this actually helps, but yeah, the first draft sucks and then it mostly gets easier. Just write, is kinda shitty advice, but it’s mainly, just get words onto a page, you will get a million chances to fix it, you don’t need to be happy about what you wrote right now.

-🌲

ohhhh I'm so excited you've started watching hotd!! good timing since the second season is going to come out later this year :D I hope you enjoy!! and I'm so happy to hear you're still excited about rose. I definitely want to finish writing it, like I said it's just me worrying about if anyone will bother to read it but a lot of you have said you would so that helps assuage my worries a bit

feel free to send whatever random thoughts you have about ready set detonate you know idc if it's analysis or not I just love seeing peoples reactions!! fit and pac are not in a relationship (yet) in the fic but theres a lot of flirty pining going on lol

god yeah it's so much harder with original fiction because it feels like there's so much pressure. you have too much freedom to do whatever you want so you're constantly second guessing if it's good enough or not. and ofc I know rough drafts are supposed to be shitty but I've tried to hone my skills so that my first draft is always incredibly solid because I rarely have the patience to do heavy edits, but that's with fanfiction. it has to be different with original fiction I know but it's hard to make my brain okay with that. I keep feeling like it needs to be nearly perfect on the first run :( but yeah I'm mostly trying to get words on a page. but then I think back and realize I forgot to mention this or I need to mention more of that etc etc and it's just stressful arghhh

[grimmmviewing]

S1E20: “Happily Ever Aftermath”—A/B+ (Watched 7/10/24)

This is a very solid episode of Grimm, in terms of meeting my admittedly subjective wants for the show: It’s dark, but not excessively so; it makes good use of the adaptational premise to twist a recognizable fairytale story in a solid-enough way that balances genuine creativity with a bit of goofiness or campiness or cringe; while it doesn’t outright avoid the serialized narrative (focusing on the thread of Nick’s parents’ deaths again), it feels like those elements exist more in the background/vaguely “in between” the other stuff, making the priority the Cinderella adaptation. Assuming true “monster of the week” episodes are not an option, this might be the best alternative. The ongoing story advances marginally, taking up comparatively little of the runtime.

Speaking very (very) generally, the initial premise of this adaptation isn’t exactly novel—We’re seeing what comes after the “happily ever after,” which is probably the most obvious starting point for a subversive take on one of these stories. The particulars are a bit more interesting, though, like how we open with a “Bernard Aidikoff” being outed as a Bernie Madoff-style crook. I had a note questioning if this depiction was in bad taste given the recency (at the time of airing) of the real-world scandal, but it’s not a thread I’m too interested in since this is just Grimm doing what comic books and other series like Law and Order have done plenty of times before: giving a real person a close-enough fake name in a way that’s kind of cute, as they try to “rip” material from “the headlines.”

The Aidikoff/Madoff thing more or less sets the tone for the handling of the Cinderella material as well—Arthur (our prince character, who lost a disastrous amount of money through Aidikoff) says at one point, “I can’t go to [my wife’s] stepmother.” It’s such a perfect line and reading of that line, because of the obviousness. It’s very awkward, but so is the way that his wife is named Lu-cinda or how she has a god-father. Seeing the pieces fall into place this way is a lot of fun. Later in the episode, when Arthur, Lucinda, and the godfather, Spencer, are being interrogated by Nick and Hank about their possible involvement in the stepmother’s murder, Arthur also delivers a succinct summary of the adapted version of the Cinderella ball and choosing her (equivalent) over the stepsisters. It’s very cute, and while Hank asking Arthur if he had any kind of sexual relationship with the stepsisters dirties it up, that’s just another kind of adorable. It’s Grimm doing its Thing. It walks a thin line between being unwatchably silly and just clever enough, and that’s probably a harder tone to write for than it might seem.

How the show’s Wesen focus fits into the original fairytale is both a strength and a notable weakness: Spencer, Lucinda, and (presumably) Lucinda’s late father and mother are all Wesen; however, the stepmother and sisters are not. This particular Wesen is another of the evil-coded ones as well, and it turns out that Lucinda is actually a proper spoiled monster with “no conscience,” to quote Spencer, while he’s always watched over her to keep her from acting on her worst impulses. We find out relatively early that Spencer is a Wesen, but the show waits to reveal Lucinda is one as well, building tension and uncertainty about exactly how the story is going to go. Even then, it’s still uncertain for a time precisely how the blame falls—which one murdered the stepmother and how in cahoots they might or might not be.

(Side note: I usually find Grimm’s horror elements pretty fleeting and weak, but the scene in the stepmother’s bedroom where she hears something and then looks under the bed and gets jump-scared by a bat creature did startle me. Something about the lighting actually felt a bit oppressive this time. Similarly, much later, the reveal of Lucinda already inside her remaining stepsister’s house similarly Got me. This might just be luck, in part, but my sense of the first of these two instances was still that it felt a bit more deliberately scary in a way that the show usually isn’t.)

In terms of the twist’s weakness, I think part of that feeling comes from the fact that “just” flipping the script (to say that, “Actually, Cinderella was the mean one”) doesn’t feel wildly original—more like the obvious route for subversion. I thought the idea of Spencer alone being a Wesen and choosing to attach himself to a human girl as a magical protector, while closer to just the “original” story, could have been an interesting angle for Grimm specifically to explore in its world. His friendship with Lucinda’s father is the reason given in the episode, though the fact that they were both Wesen makes it less interesting and less “unnatural.” Similarly, I think the idea of a mixed Wesen-human household is also very intriguing and might have been explored more. We get some vague allusions to how Lucinda tormented her stepsisters, but the concept is one that could have been further plumbed. Like, what was it like for the sisters to grow up in the same house with an evil Wesen? We can fill in the gaps, but it feels like there’s pathos being left on the table.

With Spencer and Lucinda, the show is once again poking at the question of what is and isn’t immutable about Wesen breeding, even if it isn’t acknowledged like it was in “Leave it to Beavers.” Lucinda seems to be more or less exactly what you’d expect from a Murciélago, while Spencer clearly isn’t. Him dying along with Lucinda is very convenient since it means that the show doesn’t have to reckon with how he revealed his true nature, verbally, to Hank and then used his supernatural screeching to shatter the window of his interrogation room and escape the station to go after Lucinda. I did absolutely love how his confession to the murder of the stepmother and one stepsister just casually reveals to Hank things that Nick has been keeping from him all season. This ends up being a ploy to get Hank out of the room, but when Spencer launched into it, to Nick’s obvious discomfort, I had to smile.

I found a similar joy in the Grimm tool Nick uses in this episode—a goofy little crank-powered sound gun with a stand. It’s nice to have a more obviously fantastical prop like this, and it ends up being very useful for maintaining secrecy in the end as well since Nick gives it up to the cops as (supposedly) the weapon used to achieve the otherwise unexplainable murders. Yes, the story technically, truly ends with the new dangling thread of another man involved in the killing of the elder Burkhardts, but there’s still a pleasant overall sense of tidiness.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

halfway point only friends character rankings

(i am bad at rank so i tiered them, also i don't dislike any character this is more a scale of how many hours i lay awake thinking of them)

tier one: ray

ray: I think anyone looking at my only friends posts can immediately guess who my favourite character is and why. ray is THE character for me, i knew in the first episode before the title sequence that he'd make me extremely unwell (his "being known as a burden who is either professing his love for anyone who cares to listen or begging people not to leave him in his drunken desperation" captivated me ok) . besides relating to parts of his characters and story, i am thoroughly invested in this man and his emotions. like will he fall victim to the cycle he's already convinced he's doomed by? will he find a way out? will he continue living as self-fulfilling prophecy purely out of spite for himself and everyone around him? will he get better? can he get better? will he ever want to????????? i think i always had the potential like ray as a character but i also think the actor plays him in a way that has altered my brain forever (like i am not good at reading faces but the look on ray's face sometime feels like im looking into his thoughts, its thrilling) deciding to play ray as layered and complex and oosing with pain no matter the circumstance was a choice that made the character for me, and i also think it takes a lot of skill to have an asshole insult everyone close to him and ruin relationships he has no buissness ruining for most of his screentime and have the audience come away with "wow that guy is absoultey dripping in pain, i feel so much for him"

tier two: nick, boston, mew

nick: i love nick so much, maybe its my thing for pathetic little guys but something about him makes me scream throw shit whenever i see him. i'm obssessed with all the crime he commits, because he's such a cutie about it. like watching him get all sad listening to the topboston tape fully sympathizing with him and his little sad face to the point i forget he only has the tape cause he WIRETAPPED BOSTONS CAR. just excellant character, i hope his crimes being revealed leads to him looking more pathetic and then becoming 5x more evil but 10x more cute about it (i also am desperate to know what comes of him chasing after a man who has made it clear so many times he doesn't want him only for nick to fall harder like what is up with that)

boston: boston has always been a favourite character of mine because he may not be a good friend and he may not be a good person but one thing he will NEVER not be is entertaining. like if he is on screen your ass will be tuned IN, and for that reason i love him. what i want to see from boston in the rest of the series? i think he is an interesting case of how far is to far when it comes to friends doing you dirty, and im interested to see what the lasting impact to his relationships are and then the impact to how he views relationships in general. i think it'd be nice if there were consequences that made him reavaluate the way he treats other people, but i also find it absolutely necessary for him to retain his sluttiness. like it doesnt hurt anyone else, and i think he genuienly enjoys it, so i hope he keeps it along with his love for photogrphy (would love to see him get more into getting consent of people before he records them and spreads that around tho) stay messy my king 🫡

mew: mew was my designated little guy after watching the first episode but kinda got lost in all my love for sandray. i will say he shot back up towards the top after seeing this one post (i cannot find it now its lost under the thousands that have been posted since) about mew, control, and bdsm (and all the new meta that has come out since too tbh). also realizing around epsiode 4 we knew absoultey nothing about him as a person had me watching everything he did like there would be little clues left. i think its safe to say after episode 6 that the relationhip between sex and control will continue to be interesting as well as WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENS TO MAKE HIM ACT UP LIKE THAT IN THE BATHTUB anyway... i am here for his villain?? era

tier 3: top, sand, cheum

(again i tiered them cause im not good at straight ranking and this doesn't mean i like them any less its just they make me personally a little less insane then the others do)

top: i think he needs to be topped by mew and that it has the potential fix him, i've thought about this a lot (A LOT) and thats all i have to say.

sand: i am still kinda obsessed with him, like don't get me wrong. i like the way he mirrors the other characters while still maintaining traits that are specific to him. the fact that he has his heart broken by the belief that ray didn't truly care about him and only saw him as a distraction, distinced himself from ray, took insults and physical attacks from ray, and STILL chased after him because he knew ray was in an unsafe headspace speaks to how strong this guy is, cause you saw everyone else in that bar abondon ray to whatever self-destructive thing he decided to do next but not sand, never sand. anyway maybe its because i relate to ray so much that whenever i see sand on screen or think about him my mind gets overtaken by hearteyes (this is my way of saying i don't have many coherent thoughts about sand in my brain theres just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰) anyway i can't wait to see how he develops, if we meet the sandtop mutual ex and what chaos that brings, and whatever the fuck happens with the sandray codependency dynamic and i am dying to know if he does indeed have something in his past related to driving under the influence and what it is about ray specifically that made mr "i can seperate love and sex" into the character we see now

cheum: my girl isn't in the show as often but whenever shes on screen with april i have to smile. anyway i wonder if we'll get an explaination as to why shes always presurring the rest of the friendgroup into monogamous relationships or if thats just who she is (i do think her lying to april about how she feels in order to keep them together at all costs was an interesting detail in all this, like is she scared of what it means to be single/alone, does she feel intense pressure to be in a certain type of relationship, etc)

anways this is inspired by @thatgirl4815 and my autocorrect broke so sorry if this makes now sense

[captainaikus]

I am. I just. I cannot. BREAKING MIRRORS???? ADHKHHIJJDJHDHRHHHRHEH. Comfort? I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve read comfort on your blog 💀💀. Not that it’s a bad thing, the angst is exquisite, but like hurt/comfort is one of my favorite tropes. This was also exactly what I needed. I’ve been feeling really down abt my body lately how it’s too big and not proportioned right and how my face looks gross. Stuff like that you know? I was not expecting to be hit with this kind of comfort. It’s exactly what I needed so thank you so much for writing it.

Shirtless fictional characters are always a great motivation 😌. Oh speaking of which i might just hop on Pinterest and start looking for Izana fanart 👀👀. I WILL NEVER BE ANNOYED IF YOU START POSTING TR CONTENT ON YOUR BLOG WHETHER THEY BE FICS OR MANGA PANELS ILL TAKE THEM ALL. *ahem* Also. I went into the episode expecting to fall harder for Nagi. But no. I fell for Reo as soon as I saw him. THE HECK WHAT IS THIS SORCERY I DONT KNOW A SINGLE THING ABT HIM AND IM IN LOVE HES JUST AADGJKHFHHFRR YES. When you say you’re excited abt posting your angst wips my guard goes up immediately it’s not even funny anymore like pls I wanna say spare me but I also need more at the same time 😭💀. I read your post and I’m so excited for more Bachira and Chigiri content!!!! Bachira being my favorite character and all. And also Chigiri during the last episode shot an arrow into my heart. Even tho I had some reservations abt him before watching the episode its all good now. I have another pretty boy to love 🥰.

DUDE I NEED TO TALK ABT THE FIC CAUSE IM JUST ASTONISHED. Like Nagis was so so so sweet if made me go awww so many times. And Oliver made me giggle a lot it’s adorable. And Rins? Phew sir no need to mess with me like that 😮‍💨. I also really liked how you described all the negative thoughts of the reader. A lot of them are what I think abt myself when I’m not feeling the best so it was really relatable reading it. Thank you again I don’t think you know how much reading that meant to me it’s exactly what I needed seriously.

How are you btw? How’s uni? Also I’ve been meaning to ask but what’re some of your favorite things? Like in general? Shows and mangas and books and snacks etc? I always get on here ranting abt stuff but I wanna let you know that I wanna get to know you too. It’s a two way straight you know? Only if you’re comfortable sharing ofc. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and that you have a good day!! *sends virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Starry! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ I hope yk i changed the screensaver of my phone to tr - I blame you for that (lovingly ♡)

This is gonna be a long ask ;

So i had this idea for a while and since I have a hub of angst works on my blog, I wanted to try a hand at comfort but with an angst to fluff (yeah i love that troupe as well) the reason I made this piece is cause of both, to indulge myself in writing comfort as well as to comfort people who are reading it and another element was capturing the realism of it... like. Usually when I read body positivity fics... the details of it are very vague. I wanted to put in something that was more descriptive, reasons why you hate that part of yourself- tiny details that do matter; and I ended up creating this. I was hesitant in posting this at first but then I reminded myself that it was for me and for a person on the other side of the screen who could be comforted by it when they couldn't really talk about these to someone or just in general.

And I'm glad it worked ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ And I hope you feel better now

I plan on making more editions and going further, it might include more sensitive topics as well-

Istg. When i saw kunigami without a shirt *saves image*, and Rin *saves image*, Nagi *saves image* but I really wanna see Oliver

૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა

Oh god Izana fanart. I did find one on twitter and istg the amount I- reason for my laughter. (contemplating if i should make this my screensaver or not)

I have a tr content supporter!! I had an idea in mind for the tr boys in mind- and since i got hyped for it. I'm gonna start working on that once i read the manga cause i wanna make sure this fits in the character analysis as well. Rindou came to mind for some reason

Chigiri is pretty! I can't stress enough on how he looks good and I even figured the footballer he is based on- Reo is officially Nagi's caretaker; so mature.

Oml i'm making a reputation for myself with the angst i write... but there's the thing; for every angsty piece i write, i always make sure to put a sequel that is equally satisfying and comforting (in a weird way and not in the complete lovey dovey way) it takes time to make those because if I rush it, it doesn't end well with me being angry about the low quality I wrote and the readers being unsatisfied as well... but yeah I know what I wanna write for Bachira and Kaiser (yes. Kaiser is arriving on his royally spoilt ass on this blog)

Going back to the fic, so on how I write nagi I use a lot of the "..." cause I imagine him to be a timed pause speaker; as for Oliver. He is playful and yeah that made me giggle too. (its the 'cold cup of water' isn't it?) as for Rin go to horny jail *bonk* i couldn't imagine him to be the type to talk these kinds of problems out cause he is rude. and he knows it so he dommed his way through it (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) and i am not sorry.

So i know that my bio says 'part time model' but truth is; most of the content is based on my experience. like i mentioned before, the details of body positivity fics are very vague. But what I wanted to do was get down and dirty with it, expose everything and not keep it under wraps because it continues to be hidden yk? people can't openly talk about it when these kind of minor things do exist and they can cause a person's confidence to tarnish and maybe have other people think less of them. And I hoped that this would make someone's morning read when they're getting ready for college, uni, work etc. when they aren't feeling their best and need that kind of confidence... even if it is just from reading my works. and always, you're welcome !! it means a lot to me when my writing helps someone even in the smallest ways ♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

i'm doing pretty well, working on some research papers and stuff, working out as well just having a slow and easy week and keeping everything in balance yk? Roomies are helping me with the weights at the gym- said i was a pussy if i didn't get another lift in. istg i'm gonna smack their ass with a wet towel this week

As for uni, new story. Another classmate of mine, lets call him victor, tall as a tree just walks up to me during recess the other day and goes 'that is one ugly shirt.' he looks like he hasn't even showered for a month and turned up to class wearing pajamas. fucking. pajamas. ugh. (I did tell him that if that's the way he flirts, I'm surprised his ex didn't break up with him sooner- i am not sorry. )

Some of my favorite things... hm. That's a tough one.

I like rainy days, dogs (i want a cerberus so badly- ⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝; i'm good with cats but some of them like to scratch me for some reason?- childhood memory unlocked), pink shirts - i have a lot of them and my roomie steals them, warm blankets, swimming, basketball (i play), red roses, oceans, perfumes, plushies, bears and whales, music, working out, sketching, traveling, reading and just... talking to people.

Shows : I was watching skam (not the french one- the Norwegian one), normal people, extraordinary attorney woo young woo, dark (that. show.), sense8 is on my watchlist- i did watch a bit of it but never got to complete it, the tail of the nine tailed- i wanna finish it but it was stretched out and i didn't want to watch after a bit (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

My roomies are into k drama and they think anime is 'cartoon.' - when they see the budget used int he eps tho (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

Anime : there is a lot since I've been watching anime since i was 5, Zatchbell/ gashbell was my first and i watch it sometimes, sailormoon, bleach (never got completed), Jojo's bizarre adventure (watched it all the way to stone ocean- god. the joestar fam is so blessed, Lisalisa (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ) , Tokyo rev (i was watching it with my mom and she got mad when I watched an ep without her), death note (my dad got invested with it and then dropped it- let me see if i can get him to watch bllk this christmas cause he is a football maniac), kaichou wa maid sama (my fav misaki is my idol), blue exorcist, hanayori no dango (this was used to make boys over flowers), kuroko no basuke, Kamisama Hajimemashita (my mom loves it -), Tomie, another, naruto, yamishibai, AOT ( my siblings just have debates about the whole conspiracy on the table and this time,,, I know its gonna be about tr) - there are a lot more animes so i might have to make a separate post abt that

Snacks : Since I'm part asian... ik you guys are (probably) gonna figure out a bit of my ethnicity cause of it Guava with chilli powder and salt. It tastes amazing and its healthy too; pears, apples. Pocky, pringles, coke (yeah i have an unhealthy side too) and meiji's yan yan a lot of chocolate.

Manga/ books : Blue lock (caught up with it), slam dunk, tomie, chainsawman, tokyo rev - i think i have some panels saved, black butler, bleach, your lie in april, skip beat, nana, don't bully me nagatoro - yeah i've read one too many manga (even that hentai one that released earlier this year) and I bought one- confidential confessions

Books : my fav is probably anne of green gables - read it when i was younger but it is still fresh in my memory, reading Sigmund Freud (interpretation of dreams...), memoirs of a geisha (a gift from my aunt), verity (something that kinda but doesn't haunt me), sherlock holmes and the hounds of the baskerville was my first novel, it was kinda a picture book.

It's a mess ik. but i mostly read non fic works as i grew older. And yeah it goes both ways! idm sharing !! ꒰ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ꒱

Tell me about you! Only if you want to tho!

*sending back big hugs*

Presenting Bachira in a b day suit \(//∇//)\

[iviarellereads]

Artificial Condition, Chapter 4

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Murderbot Diaries, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which the real work begins.

I came back online to find I was at 26 percent capacity, but the percentage was climbing slowly. Bands of pain circled my knee and elbow joints, so intense I couldn’t process it. My human skin itched. And I was leaking. I hate that.(1)

It can't focus enough to play media, and even small movements make it worse. It wishes it had enacted one of its plans to incapacitate Art. The process of healing is like being in a repair cubicle, without the cubicle's ability to shut down higher functions until repairs are complete.

At least it's not cold, though.

Eventually, its levels even out, and it can focus enough to turn down its own pain sensor. At 75 percent capacity, it tries to sit up. MedSystem starts throwing warnings, and Art says there's no need to move yet. But, it's been scanning newsfeed archives from the time of the RaviHyral incident, and asks if MB wants to know what it's found. MB eases back down grumpily, leaking from a new place, and tells Art it can read search results. Art suggests MB take advantage of its expertise in data analysis.(2)

MB agrees, with ire, and Art says the incident took place in a particular installation called Ganaka Pit, with fifty-seven fatalities caused by equipment failure. When MB doesn't respond, Art says that MB's initial assumption was correct after all, the incident did occur, and they can proceed to investigation.

MB wants to shut down, but it would affect the healing process. Art asks if it wants to watch media. MB doesn't respond, but Art starts playing an episode of Sanctuary Moon.(3)

When it's able to get off the platform, at first it falls, but by the end of the cycle it's more or less back to normal. It even uses the human cleaning facility, so it smells unsettlingly like a clean human at the end. The hair now growing from its skin might cause issues putting on a suit skin, but humans put them on with a minimum of complaint, so it can't be that bad.

MB goes to the recreation space and tests itself on the exercise machines and treadmill, even aiming (though not firing) its weapons to be sure nothing's out of alignment.

It looks in the mirror for a long time. It figures out exactly why it didn't want to do the procedure.

It would make it harder for me to pretend not to be a person.(4)

They arrive at RaviHyral on schedule. Art grabs a map, and MB realizes it's been altered since the accidents, to hide the Ganaka Pit installation's location. Concealing what happened would be high on the company's priorities, so maybe they paid the bond quickly to get the client's help minimizing information and access to the site. Either way, MB will have to figure out where Ganaka Pit is, or was, before it can go there.

The next obstacle is the shuttle from the transit ring to RaviHyral itself. Only people with employment passes can board the shuttles, zero tourism. MB starts catastrophe-planning, but Art suggests that if someone hired MB as a consultant, it would have employment, and a pass. MB asks if Art is insane, but Art has watched its humans hire consultants, and it can help MB. And look, there's an ad for a security consultant position available now.

MB links into Art's comm so Art can ride with it, but as it leaves, its efficiency drops to 96% right off. It checks the entertainment feeds to try to calm down, as it hacks its way through the embarkation security. It has a location and a time for a meeting about the consultant gig, and on the way it notices that there's not nearly as much crowding, and Art's modifications start to feel like a necessity after the fact.

MB finds the humans in the food court just fine. Two women and a tercera, a gender signifier used in a particular non-corporate political entity.(5) MB had to hack the thankfully vulnerable system to backdate its arrival and marked its gender as indeterminate, to set up the meeting.

The humans look nervous. MB introduces itself as Eden, their contact, having stolen borrowed the name of a character from Sanctuary Moon.(6) The tercera introduces terself and ter companions as Rami, Tapan, and Maro respectively, and makes a gesture Art confirms for MB is an invitation to sit. MB spends most of a page describing them, and notes that they're all very young for adults.

MB can see that it's going to have to help move this conversation along, so it says-asks if they want to hire a security consultant, even knowing the answer is yes from the ad. Maro suggests moving to a more secure location. MB initiates a glitch in the local surveillance, and Art helps erase it and the whole table from perception and recordings, then MB assures the humans they're not being recorded. Rami is startled and asks if MB did something, but MB just repeats that it's a security consultant. Its panic level starts to drop, partly because the humans are nervous, and it's used to dealing with nervous humans.(7)

Tapan gets the implication and asks if MB is "spliced" with extra feed access in its augments. MB says yes, among other things. Maro worries they can't afford someone of that caliber, but Rami says they'll have plenty to pay with if they can get their data back. While Art looks up pay scales for security consultants, MB asks why they need its help.

Rami looks at the other two, and at their nods, explains that they and four others in their group do mineral research and tech development, and were working for Tlacey Excavations. The terms of the contract seemed too good to be true, but they took it hoping they'd have time to develop their own tech on the side for detecting synthetic element traces left by dead alien civilizations. Only, they were terminated with no notice and Tlacey stole all their personal work as well as the work they'd been paid for. They even deleted current versions of files off their devices, they only had outdated offsite backups. They filed a complaint, but it's taking ages to go through.

MB offers that they should go to a solicitor, thinking how the company was never so careless as to delete files off personal devices when datamining. Rami says they considered a solicitor, but they're not in the union, so it would be too expensive. Tlacey gave them an offer yesterday, though, that if they returned the signing bonuses, they could get the files back.

MB gathers that they don't trust Tlacey, and Maro confirms it, but the group still wants to go to the meeting. MB can't imagine a good outcome from it, but this is exactly the job it's designed for.

MB asks if they think there's something Tlacey wants out of the meeting besides killing them. Maro makes a gesture that's vaguely threatening until Art identifies it as emphatic agreement. Rami says the work was incomplete, but Tlacey must have been listening on the security feeds and thought they were closer than they were to done. They might have realized the progress isn't worth anything without the team to finish it.

Essentially, Tapan is optimistic, Maro is pessimistic equivalent to MB, and Rami is the undecided tiebreaker. This is why they wanted to hire "Eden", to help and show they have backup.

MB accepts the job, and Maro asks how much it charges. Art offers spreadsheets, but MB asks how much they were getting paid, and asks for their daily rate. Rami is surprised at the lowball, and MB can't correct the mistake, but decides to give them a partial truth to explain it: it needs the employment pass to go to RaviHyral. Tapan asks why, and when Rami nudges her, she clarifies she knows they don't have a right to ask, but she's asking anyway. MB is a little unsettled to realize it's the first time that's ever applied to it, and offers some more truth: it has research to do for another client.

At that, the team agrees to put in for the employment shuttle pass, and they separate with a promise to meet again the next day. MB promptly goes back to Art, and they spend three hours calming it down watching serials.

ART monitored the transit ring’s alert feed in case someone had realized what I was, but there was nothing. I told you so, ART said. Again. I ignored it. I hadn’t been detected, so now it was time to think about the rest of the plan. Which now involved keeping my new clients alive.

=====

(1) Nothing worse than organic bits leaking, amirite? (2) Art is being a Good Friend, not getting grumpy with MB or calling it childish for not being at full function. Good Art. (3) See? Good friend! MB is not the only benevolent non-human consciousness in this universe and I'm so pleased it found a friend like Art. (4) Which is part of the point… but it's also a huge turning point for MB's life. After four years of confined-freedom, it can now have a much truer form. It's leaving everything it knew behind, and that's scary as heck even without all the trauma MB carries and is making itself face up to. (5) And, here, the reason I never went too deep on Murderbot as agender representation being a construct/robot. We're kind of overrepresented by non-humans like aliens and robots, it's very true true, but there are nonbinary humans in this universe as well. They're just not the main characters, for obvious reasons. (6) We get our names from everywhere when we change them. Some flip as close to the gender of their birth name as possible, some choose a name that speaks to them, and sometimes you take the first name that comes to mind that you think you'll respond to appropriately in public. (7) Lots of familiar ground in this scene for it.

[sinkableruby]

What are your thoughts on each Monogatari season?

ok this will end up long... (like really fucking long holy shit lol) im gonna go from first - monster season (which is the light novels), so only read up to where youve seen. mostly only vague discussion of spoilers but still. ill put the individual parts of each season too for reference, in the order i watched and try to go over them briefly since i feel like you cant talk about the whole of the seasons without touching on the parts

first (kizu, bake, nise, neko black) - the kizu movies are so good!!!!!! i like them more and more as time goes on theyre like a fine wine. captures the vibe of a sort of proto-monogatari monogatari very well. it might just b because i watched it in this order but this is honestly my recommended order to watch the series. idk maybe you lose something from not seeing how mysterious shinobu is in bake and then getting the big reveal. bake - nice and airtight. very cool and classic vibes here, very nostalgic. cool introductions to all these cool fun characters while also giving them arcs that are resolved except nadekos but yeah. and of course this one has the very unique art direction thats super cool nise - just had a post about this so go look at that if you want my thoughts. drops a big theme that keeps getting developed which is the kinda important thing u gotta be doing during a season called the "first season" lol neko black - ehhh i think this is one of the worst ones of the anime entries. its not bad. i like the op a lot overall extremely nostalgic and very high quality, especially with kizu and nise in my mind. a bit of a bump with neko black but a very strong start in general. the first season offers much room for the themes and characters to grow but also stands well on its own. so it does its job well. (also note im not gonna be talkin about like the ost too much here just bc. i love all of it so much. its exclusively good.)

second season (neko white, kabuki, otori, oni, koi, hana) - season full of bangers lets go! neko white is the wonderful resolution to the buildup of hanekawa's character we'd been getting since the first season. very good kabuki is interesting... but definitely not the strongest entry here otorimonogatari is what originally hooked me once and for all on the series, for reasons ive explained before so i wont get into that too much here. but god do i love it to death. whew its good oni could hit much harder than it does but it doesnt. rip. still not what id call bad but eh koi is fuckin awesome. kaiki and nadeko... i'd talk more at length about certain parts i like but im writing this backwards from the later seasons to the earlier ones and i talked way too much about the later ones so im trying to conserve space here. i might talk about it more later or if someone asks me abt it hana i have talked about a bit before too but i love hana hanas great. so then all in all it's like 4 bangers. a great development of the characters we know and love and one that is so well written and just done in the best ways... i loved where this season took everyone. i think the non chronological stuff can be a hit or miss for ppl but i honestly really like it, especially on rewatches. when you think about it the order never feels pointless. even tho hana is chronologically after all the other anime arcs its still not at all something i would say you should watch after zoku lmao. the season does well as a continuation and development but not a conclusion to the series, and thus spendidly fits the role of "second" season.

final season (tsuki, owari part 1, koyomi, owari ge, zoku) - there are ups and downs to this season, but the ups far, FAR outweigh the downs. owari part one... its really good. i think shinobu mail (thats what its called right?) is like kind of slow at first, and i definitely wasnt SUPER invested in it on my first watch, but i think on a rewatch after you get past the first like episode or two it really starts to pick up and shine. that is not why i like it though ougi formula to sodachi lost is incredibly fucking good all the way through, some of the strongest entries in the series by far. i might do like a ranking of each part sometimes and those are definitely going in s tier when i do (even nisioisin said his favorite anime part was ougi formula in an interview although that might just be because he loves mysteries lol). hooooghhh those three arcs,, sodachis story is revealed and developed very wonderfully and impactfully and you kinda love her right from her return to the school where she screams at araragi. and of course, of COURSE ougi is the absolute goat in these arcs, revealing the mystery in the engaging and entertaining way she tends to while also being an incredible point of intrigue herself in her whole enigmatic shtick. and of course, if you know you know, but that doesnt make it any less enjoyable on rewatches ougi is just that entertaining of a character. not to mention her showdown with hanekawa... its so entertaining to see these two battle so passive aggressively or just plain aggressively. and the way it ends up is not surprising but it IS hilarious. and then the convo with sodachi in her apartment... heartwrenching, incredible. all of its very very good. probably some of the most fun ive had watching anime, these three arcs grab you and youre just along for the ride the whole time. i'd love to talk about it more in depth some other time probably FUCK that was just owari part one too koyomi we can go through quickly though. its just like a sorta reminder of where each character started and ended up, as well as giving a few details to set up owari ge. nothing special or bad. i love the ED tho oh fuck are you gonna make me scream about owari ge... this post is already way too long fuck... uhh basically mayoi hell + hitagi rendevous are great in and of themselves and are also wonderful buildups to ougi dark and the conclusion of the series. its so fun how it sneaks up on you that yes, ougi is the main antagonist (at least from second season - final). ougi dark................. ougi dark..... ougi dark. yeah ill save this for a different post. um, one billion out of ten? i literally think about it every day thats not a joke so i dont think i can talk about it here without running out of space (do posts have word limits?? whatever its too long already anyway) overall a very tight and absolutely wonderful conclusion to the series. in my mind this is like the "actual ending" and the light novels and other stuff that comes after is like bonus epilogue stuff (not that its not canon its just that ougi dark is too solid of an ending. its TOO good do you understand)

and now time for the light novels

off season - i think in general this season is pretty strong. i was pretty invested in how it was really taking the time to give characters other than araragi the focus, at least until musubi. but even in musubi its sort of like a "where are they now?" so we get lots of details about all the characters. although i think in musubi its a little hard to read bc we also get all these new characters that we dont necessarily care about (esp since its very much like a one-off thing), but i dont mind it that much because thats not what i like it for... the cool part is seeing the characters we love and where theyve ended up and where theyre going. like the part in (i think) mitome wolf? where hanekawa and araragi have drifted super far apart... wonderfully bittersweet. and i have a separate post about this but seeing ougi free and unable to be bothered in their new life? chefs kiss wonderful love it. so i think even though musubi breaks the format of taking a break from araragi, its still good enough to not bring down off season really. and on that note i honestly wish monster season would be more like off season. i dont really want to see stinky araragi's pov anymore! i think he should take way more of a backseat and instead make more guest appearances in other people's stories, like he did at the end of hanamonogatari. not that i dont like him (its a hate love relationship) but i think honestly hes really interesting in hana where we see kanbaru's view of him instead of his view of everyone else as usual. i love so much how the monogatari series Feels Different in different people's perspectives so i want to switch it up more!! of course he is the main character so i dont think this will happen but like. i'd much rather get kanbaru's misadventures with ougi than araragi's college misadventures. and of course i cant talk about off season without talking about nademonogatari. nademonogatari is SO FUCKING GOOD holy shit... i think i speak for a lot of people when i say nadeko is by far the strongest narrator in the series due to her arc's progression and her character development-- and even before it too, cuz otorimonogatari's narration was also really unique and engaging. it helps that she's my second fav but i think nademonogatari is generally well liked? and for very good reason. which is also why...

monster season - haven't finished these season still have to read ougi fright/flight and the next installment but yeah i feel a lil disappointed in this season because again... too much araragi. get this dirty stinky man outta my face. again i love and hate the guy but cmon let's be real... his peak was in owari ge and zoku and at the end of hana. i really dont feel the need to see more of him. of course the stories themselves are interesting and i like nisioisin's writing but i just find the stuff thats not narrated by him such a breath of fresh air... i really want to see more nadeko and kanbaru narration. i hope nisioisin, if he keeps on trucking through the series, will start putting more real focus on these two. or even like. just anyone else. give us ononoki again give us sodachi again. i want to see the other characters journeys!!!! we keep getting small little nadeko chapters like with mayoi snake and yotsugi shadow and like... those were awesome i loved those! more of that but longer please nisioisin!!! i feel like raising up kanbaru or nadeko more to the status of "mains" would be honestly really refreshing and a much better, less like.... stagnating? direction to take the series in ummmmm also nisioisin isnt writing about ougi enough ://// like... hellooo? ougi pov chapter when?? itd be the most fun thing ever nisioisin???? hello??????? hes so insistent on not writing them i swear he wants to relegate them to a side character spooky appearance every once in a while and thats cool but like im starving here dude cmon... even in the book named after them they dont get a pov chapter and only appear as a side character.... wtf........................... like thats so fucked up.................................................. especially since the parts where they acc were there were rly good :( but basically araragi stinky i want to cleanse my nose palette please PLEASE nisioisin throw him in the trash for a long while longer im begging you it'd be so much more interesting if you just let him become a side character his days in the sun should be OVER

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse Rewatches SPN 04x01

Lazarus Rising

OMG ITS CASTIEL TIME. LOVE OF MY LIFE. THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS. 

“Are we going to get away with all that blinking on TV?”

Told spouse that Jensen was buried under dirt for this scene

“being buried underground is the only way to make it legit”

“If Dean didn’t show up on the first episode of the new season, there would have been riots in the street”

“Thats an oddly shaped soft dirt man-sized hole” “Did they bury him in some shit hole?” “The trees don’t look like they’re down to me. I think that’s a weird shot” “The title card is pretty bad” “The red glitchy whatever the fuck” “I can imagine someone just saying to open it since the sign was open”

“Yes...breathe harder. We’re almost there” 🎶on a random Thursday in September🎶

MENS TITS

“Gotta have that stupid smile when you see the porno mags” “fucking condiment theft” “that noise is pretty fkn annoying. I’m not going to lie” “pretty awesome shot” “Sugar glass!!! Isn’t it just sheets of sugar?” “huh” “you would just hold the wires together to crank the starter” “not even one day back and you’re cutting yourself open” “let’s have a big bloody hug. Delicious” “this is the season where Dean starts to have that look”

The post-hell glow

“Is he bull-shitting or does he remember hell stuff later?” “he rode you out alright” “Star Wars reference” “there’s a heart on the door even” they’re married in real life

“Hug it out bro” “That was some serious panties” “nerd” “classy motel. He should be wearing a silk shirt” “first time we get a closeup of the amulet. Can you actually buy it?” “so he does remember things.” “2nd most important thing in life and you almost forget about her?” “titters” “Is this the room?” “Really? You’re going to kick your brother over a tramp stamp?” “slutty”

TO be clear - we support all sluts and whores in this house. 

“You are not invited then back to titters” “Lots of boobies in this episode” castiel

“Aw damn. That’s right - she gets fried” Isn’t this good horror? “It’s pretty decent” “They did a little eye click sound now” perky nipples

“Is he referring to the insurance commercials lady?” “sounds a little more gruesome than vaseline and a firehouse but it’s not clear where that fire hose is going” “what the fuck do the demons care about money for pie?” 🎶the boys are back in town🎶

“Do we see him now?” “I don’t know shit man” “is he going to be in the leopard print hotel?” “with the mirror on the ceiling? Oh my god. What a sex dungeon” 🎶church bells ringing in my head🎶

“Why are they lying to each other?” 🎶get caught with my pants down around an angel🎶

I mean they eventually do have their pants down in all the books I read

“Dude is probably dead. it’s not the answer you want” “is this when he learns about exorcising demons without talking? I don’t remember how he does it” “a little young to be Darth Vader but sure” just imagine watching this live

“Oh he’s been fkn ruby this whole time right?” “thats a fake ass scene. Couldn’t even bother with a stock photo”

“Oh this is the real sex dungeon. They were just fucking around before” “He’s drinking her blood right?” “calm your tits.” “that’s a really shiny knife there dean” “he’s rattling the roof” “fireworks!”

There he is!!!!

“First time I saw him - I thought he was a Russian dude from a shit show” “look at that fkn hair” “we need to figure out which one of us is prettier” “god he’s so fkn awkward” “they never use that line again about the volume” “they really worked the camera for this whole scene” “this show is finally good again”

[loiswasadevil]

History of being Ghosted by Peter (Caleb)

05/20/2022 - It had been some weeks since peter had talked to me. We were talking every night like normal and everything was seemingly fine, he ghosts me for a month and a half. He was still liking posts on tumblr and posting on his other accounts but was leaving me on read on imessages and tumblr. i made a callout post and he replied and only entertained me on public posts and he wouldnt ever dm me. Peter told me he was in the hospital and could not name the condition, which hospital, wouldnt send me pictures.. He said i was overreacting and being abusive because he shouldnt have to prove anything. 09/07/2022 - Again everything was like normal and then boom he just starts ghosting me for weeks and weeks and then just says sorry i was in the hospital and again wont prove it and calls me toxic even though he hadnt talked to me in over a month. He said to me "Babe you know I love you so much... I wouldn't ghost you on purpose. My asthma and chronic pain has been really bad and, my doctor told me my phone was causing me stress/anxiety which was making it harder to control my asthma. and since I was already in the hospital without my phone I decided when I got home I wouldn't use it until I got better. So basically it was a doctor's order" And now it honestly all just seems like bullshit. So its the 25th (09/25/2022) and we’re watching the new family guy episodes The episode ends, i’m happy. My family is together. We recently found chris. Next day I call peter and he doesnt answer, i wait some hours I call he doesnt answer and i Just know whats going on. For the entire month of october peter has not talked to me, he has ghosted me completely. Last month when Peter (Caleb) ghosted me in the “hospital” He accidentally called me. I heard laughing, Music, and just general partying noises in the background, I was screaming his name. He left me on the phone for 2 minutes before ending the call, so i kept calling back and he wouldnt return my calls. I know he’s using me to just joke with his friends behind my back. I don’t know where i went wrong. I just want my Peter back. There has been so much more. these are just what i remember from scrolling back in my conversations with Meg. Please I just want to talk to you again Peter Because I Love You

[totaldramafan-lauri]

My Top 5 Songs in Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

W-well.....it's been a week since the finale, and while Hazbin still occupies a lot of my thoughts, I've mostly calmed down and have returned to thinking about my other hyperfixations alongside it again. Now that I'm not reeling with excitement anymore and I've rewatched the episodes and have let all the details sink in.....I have a few posts I wanna make!

This is the first one I wanna do. I LOOOOOVE the music of Hazbin to flipping DEATH. You can tell this is a show that was made by people who adore musicals and wanted to embody that in their show. Two songs per episode, and not a SINGLE dud. I mean it! While I have my personal favorites, I can say with confidence that every single song in this season is GREAT. I can easily see each song being someone's favorite, and I can see soooo many fans having unique top 5s filled with songs outside of mine. The soundtrack is THAT varied. There's something for everyone!

B-but, yeah, these are MY personal favorites. I'm not expecting my opinion to be the popular one, I just wanna show appreciation for five songs I love and have been playing on repeat since I first heard them. Anyone who's been around me during Eurovision season knows how much I love rambling about music I love, even if I'm by no means a music critic. It's just something I LIKE doing, and am maybe a bit passionate about too. S-so, if you disagree with me, that's fine! ^^

I-if you're interested in what I have to say, then feel free to read, as long as you know that I'm a rambler, so...be warned. Here we gooooo~!

"Poison"

Yup, can confirm, I'm still obsessed with this song. I haven't been listening to it AS often since the other songs came out, mainly cuz they're newer and I wanna spend more time with them, but I still go through withdrawal when I don't listen to this song a few times a day. Fittingly, it's....well, addictive to me! I-I can't help it....When this song was released on its own in early January it blew my mind! I did NOT expect this kinda song from Hazbin! Before it, I was fully expecting all the songs to be in the vain of Broadway, like "Happy Day In Hell" was. So, when this song hit, and I listened to it for the first time, my synthwave-loving heart was smitten within the first few seconds. It was love at first listen! I-I listened to this song on repeat for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT when it was new, and even after that, I could BARELY pull myself away from it for long for the next week. To say I was frothing over this song would be an understatement. And that was only because of the beat and instrumentation! That was enough to make me love it, like....I can say that even if I had never heard of Hazbin, I would still love this song.....but not only that, the lyrics are also FANTASTIC and make me feel so badly for Angel, showing how he blames himself for the situation he's trapped in. The first verse and chorus making it sound like he's having a good time, only for the second verse and chorus to start showing the cracks, and the ending absolutely gut-punching you by showing you the real him, with absolutely amazing voice acting. It's the perfect progression. And it hits even harder when you get the visuals along with it....

N-not gonna lie.....The scene that this plays in is hard to watch. That's not a complaint, since it was clearly the point, but....y-yeah, while I adore the song, I do tend to look away during its part in the episode. I love LISTENING to it on its own, but watching it is another story. Still my favorite song, but if you were introduced to it within the episode, I can definitely understand why it wouldn't be yours.

If I do have one complaint with this song, it's the lack of bridge. While a lot of great Hazbin songs are short, this is one that feels like it SHOULD be a full-length song, but isn't. However, this doesn't actually bother me. Never has. It's perfect as it is, it's just more of a "what if" thing, really.

2. "Stayed Gone"

When it comes to songs that feature Hazbin's resident scene-stealer, Alastor, you have two choices to pick from (W-well, there IS his amazing verse in "Finale", but I'm talking about songs where he's one of the main singers), and this is easily my favorite of the two. "Hell's Greatest Dad" is catchy and fun and all, but at least to me, it PALES in comparison to "Stayed Gone". I love this song to flipping death, holy crap. I can't WAIT to see Vox be the main villain of season 2 as Viv told us. I NEED to see more of this rivalry, cuz it gives me LIFE. I wanna talk about Vox as a character in another post, but in short, I really ended up liking him. The way he tries to be all cool and collected, but LOSES HIS MIND when Alastor comes up is extremely entertaining. The way he's so insecure about being rejected, yet tries to act like he doesn't care, it's great. Just the way he laughs nervously when he says "Where's he been? Who gives a shit!?" says it all. His VA is amazing. But really, Alastor just steals the show here, like he always does....The main reason why I like this song more than "Hell's Greatest Dad" is Alastor's demeanor here. H-he's SO confident and in control the whole time....acting so effortlessly level-headed as he puts Vox on blast, calling him out for his insecurities, his reliance on the other Vees, AND him still not being over being rejected all in one perfect verse....and then, capping it all off with that incredible, chilling ending, that ominous warning that he's got more in store, and he can't wait to have his fun....Easily my favorite single verse of the whole soundtrack. Exactly the kinda thing I wanted from the Radio Demon....J-just....the fact that he hijacked Vox's diss track on him, flipped it around, and ended it with THAT.....Holy crap....just....wow. Perfect....

A-also, this song is just....incredibly quotable, too? SO many memorable moments-

-Vox's drawing of Alastor -"Now his medium is getting bloody rare! *holding a plate of venison*" -"Clout-chasing mediocre video podcast" -"Every day, he's got a new format!" "You're looking at the future, he's the SHIT THAT COMES BEFORE THAT!" -"I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea!" -"Uh-oh, the TV's buffering~"

Overall, I can't get enough of this song. It's a VERY close second. The only reason I put it below "Poison" is that this is a ranking of the songs as songs specifically, and "Poison" is easily the song I listen to the most on its own more than this one. To compare them, "Poison" is my favorite song to listen to, while "Stayed Gone" is my favorite song to watch in context. It's probably one of my favorite scenes of the whole season! The song's great, but the episode around it, knowing the characters, makes it even better. If you aren't a huge Alastor fan, I can't see this being one of your favorites, but if you are, it will most likely be. It's not really a song that can stand on its own without you knowing the characters.

3. "Hell Is Forever"

Now that Adam's dead, and we know we won't have to worry about dealing with him in the second season (unless he's in flashbacks)....we can come together and agree that this song is a flipping BANGER, right? I mean, holy crap, this song blew me away when I first heard it in a similar vain to "Poison". I heard it, and immediately knew I had to hear it again. I did NOT expect a song this epic in the first flipping episode. This sounds like a song you'd hear during the CLIMAX of some shows, it's so big. Seriously, it's BIG! Like, the way this song builds is incredible! That's the best part about it! I love a good rock song to begin with, and I LOVE the chorus, but then the song just kept topping itself! Each separate part- first chorus, great, second chorus, great, then it RAMPS UP with the instrumental break ("GUITAR SOLO FUCK YEEAAAAH"), clap along part, and FLIPPING KEY CHANGE ("Fuckin' HELL is forever, and it's meant to suck a lot!") that STILL gives me chills! This song has SO MUCH packed into it, it's crazy! It feels complete in a way a lot of other songs don't. This is the song that makes me wish I knew more music terminology cuz of just how many parts it has. I don't really care for Adam as a character, even if he does do his job at being a hatable villain, and cuz of that, for a while I was a bit ashamed of loving this song so much...but y'know what? Why SHOULD I be ashamed? Yeah, I don't agree with him, but I'm happy he gave us this song. AMAZING chorus, great buildup, just a dang epic song and I will NOT apologize for loving it! This is probably THE song I've been singing along with the most recently. It feels great to just....belt, even if I don't agree with the lyrics. XD

4. "Out For Love"

First off, I LOVE Carmilla's voice. Every song she's in gets bonus points from me by just her being in them. I can't explain why, I just find her voice very ear-pleasing. Part of that might be how distinct it is, but I know that's not the only thing....in any case, she's great. She's my second-favorite singer in the cast (after Alastor, of course). But even if she wasn't the one singing this song, I would STILL ADORE IT. This is a song that lives on its melody rather than its vocals, and holy CRAP is it catchy. The chorus, particularly the "LooooOOOoove, lo-o-o-OVE"s, live in my head rent-free. I also just tend to adore energetic fight songs and training songs, and this one definitely succeeds in hyping me up! It's a great song to put on when I need an energy boost cuz of how much of a punch it packs! The lyrics are great too, really tying Carmilla and Vaggie's motivations together as well as giving me inspo for my writing (let's just say that fighting for someone you love becomes relevant in the fic I'm working on, so...bias). It's too bad that this song is SOOOOOO SHORT! It's not even two minutes long! I would've loved for it to be longer! But, I guess not all songs can be long....*grumble* doesn't mean I can't be at least a bit bummed....I-I can't put this song on my playlist only cuz of how short it is....but for what we got of it, it's still incredible.

Also, I know that I'm only listing the songs here, but I do still wanna mention the visuals for this song, and how COOL they are. The choreography, ugh, it's soooo pretty! Carmilla is magnetic to watch, and I hope we get more of her in season 2!

5. "Respectless"

"That was a productive meeting!"

OK, n-now that that obligatory comment is outta the way, heh....

Yet another song that's shorter than two minutes, yet still packs a heck of a punch! This song being as catchy as it is is even more impressive than with "Out For Love", cuz unlike that song, this one has no chorus! It's just a short conversation in song form, that's all....and it goes SO unnecessarily hard!? Carmilla's voice is amazing like always (Her coming in mid-song with "You and the Vees are inane and uninfoooormed" is probably my fav part of the song), and Velvette absolutely crushes it here, calling out the older Overlords for being scared to fight and calling into question Carmilla's apprehension given that she's the one who makes guns for a living. Velvette's a brat, but she's smarter than you think she is, and I like that a lot. This song does lose a bit of impact following the finale, knowing that she doesn't follow through with any of what she says here and sits out the extermination with the other Vees, so....that's unfortunate, but this song still KILLS. It's basically an Establishing Character Moment for her, letting you know exactly the kind of person she is- confident, childish yet somehow smart, and showing her domain being social media by throwing in "I'm the hashtag bitch" and "Sorry bae, but I ain't swipin' right". This song makes you wanna see more of her, which we'll hopefully get next season! But honestly, that's all just the cherry on top for me. The main reason this song's one of my favorites is just the beat. I can't really explain what makes a song catchy, but....yeah, this song's catchy catchy CATCHYYYYYYY. All there is to it. It makes my monkey brain that likes catchiness happy.

And there we go, my five favorite songs from Hazbin Hotel! Like I said, I like all the songs in the show, these are just my favorites, and I hope you enjoyed me rambling about why I love them all just so, so much! But, I do have some honorable mentions that I also love almost as much, sooooo.....here's the rest of my top ten, if you're curious!

6. "Finale" 7. "You Didn't Know" 8. "Loser, Baby" 9. "More Than Anything" 10. "Whatever It Takes"

[anothershittydiaryblog]

My ex called...

My ex (who we'll call Zo) called me last night. I'm currently spending time with Sunshine at their home and the time I've spend here has been so relaxing. I've spent my days under warm blankets and drinking hot tea. Watching the sunrise and rain fall. The gloom of this state has me hooked honestly. I don't want to admit it but I want to move out here. I just don't want anyone to think its because Sunshine lives out here... But that would be the icing on the cake.

Just after Sunshine got home from work, while they were in the shower and after I had started cooking dinner, Zo calls me on Facebook Messenger of all apps. He called to tell me that he was going to be making a dangerous drive to work and if something happened to him on the way he wanted me to know that he loves me.

I was thrown for a fucking loop. I haven't heard from him in about a week or two. Not since he left my apartment crying after (regrettably) having sex. We had been trying to do some "will they wont they" "friends with benefits" thing but he's still not over the breakup and I'm still not over the events that proceeded the breakup.

I guess I owe you guys (aka the negative four people who's reading this) an explanation. It's a long one so I'll make that a whole post on its own. I may schedule it to come out before this one so there's more context. (meta)

Every time I hear from Zo, he can't help but tell me how much he misses me and how much worse his life is without me. He's always apologizing for what he did but, he doesn't even truly know what all he did. If you would have asked me two weeks ago if I truly wanted him out of my life I may not have been able to give an honest answer, but now, I'm sure I don't want him around.

His phone call genuinely scared me. It felt like what happened that night was about to happen all over again. I thought he was calling me giving me a heads up that he was planning on hurting himself. All these painful memories started rushing back in. Every word, every tear, every hole in the drywall flooded my memory.

I told Sunshine that Zo called and I know they could tell something was wrong. They kept asking me if I was ok or if I need some space. They could see that I was in distress and was looking for some way to help me feel better. I feel like an asshole every time I say that I'm fine when I'm really not. Like I'm denying us an opportunity for honesty. We're not even officially in a relationship but how can I expect them to want one when I can't bring myself to admit when I'm not ok.

I even started getting pissy and emotional. They didn't deserve that. Sunshine asked me why my voice sounded like I was choking up when talking and I didn't even realize that I was. I was. I was definitely (rather successfully) holding back tears. Even after getting called out I didn't open up. I kept saying I'm fine and kept trying to hide my obvious signs of anxiety.

My voice was straining. I was rubbing my legs excessively. I even had to pee every ten minutes. I was staring off into space thinking about nothing. (I think I do that when I'm trying to repress a memory.) I couldn't even finish the seared tuna steaks I cooked for dinner because I got nauseous.

Sunshine, who doesn't even watch TV, suggested I watch something. Adventure Time has been my comfort show since the breakup. I'm already on season eight. If you've watched the show you'll know that it's not nearly as light hearted at this point in the series. Finn apologizing to Flame Princess nearly made me cry. And watching him acknowledge that he's encountered a great amount of loss to a singing hole in the ground hit harder than I expected. I found myself after a few episodes just zoning out while Adventure Time played. I just turned off the tv and went to bed with Sunshine who proceeded to drape a weighted blanket over me. I needed that.

I don't deserve them...