#i want to sleep desperately

[egophiliac]

@enderfore replied to your post “What do you think of Rook's savanaclaw card? <333”:

Chenya pic where???? I can barely see anything in that room there so much going on, rooks such a lil freak (affectionatr)

​he's under the row of flags on Neige's side of the room, next to the big Neige poster with the yellow background (look just to the right of the hand holding the apple)! he's REAL little; once you know he's there you can kind of see him in-game, but I only noticed him in the first place because I took a screenshot and was having fun zooming in on all the details!

I think that's either Hop or Snick and Dominic on either side of Neige, but if the others are meant to be anyone in particular I don't recognize 'em. though I do love all the absolutely terrifying implications of Rook having this. was this some kind of officially-published merchandise (and if so, why) or did Rook like...go hunting through the RSA trash to find this random student lineup just because it included Neige, and has had it hanging proudly on the wall ever since. (I mean, he definitely did do this, I don't know why I'm asking. the real question is why he hasn't cut out little pictures of his own face and stuck them over everyone else's yet.)

there is seriously SO MUCH in this room. how did Rook manage to keep this hidden for three years. also, somebody give this background artist a raise immediately.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

+3 friendship with Jin Ling: He actively tries to dissuade you from further embroiling yourself in the homosexual allegations.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[call-me-pup2]

You ever see someone you want to do horribly disgusting kinky shit with but also be so wholesome with after? Like lets fuck and experiment until we're both out of breath, have came multiple time and are fully satisfied then let's snuggle up together. Tangled up in each others arms, wanting to be as close to each other as possible while trying to catch our breath. Big silly smiles thinking about how perfect it all was, trailing little kisses and nuzzling into each other, drifting off to sleep in a little blissful bubble

[suntails]

a father's love

[turtleblogatlast]

I still think about how Leo’s ideal day out for the fam’s venture into the Hidden City was basically just an effort to get some rest and relaxation because boy does he never get that ever.

[crimeronan]

ultimately i think the appeal of daniel and armand to me is that it's very much a typical dark romance storyline where the heroine is kidnapped and tortured by an evil monster but using her wits she manages to seduce him and make him emotionally vulnerable to her, because she is More Special and More Clever than all of his other victims, and because of this she enjoys a level of dangerous favor and protection from him, except in This version of the dark romance it's two toxic old men who both have the worst fucking personalities imaginable. who truly just fucking suck beyond measure. like no pun intended, they are Garbage, one is the actual literal immortal devil and the other is just kind of a deadbeat with no moral compass, neither of them is willing to work on himself and neither of them has ANY reason to want to rail the other as bad as they do.

and yet. There They Are,

[skywalker42]

What people think ADHD is:

So I went to my room to grab sticky notes to leave my roommate a reminder on the dryer but then I saw my week old mug on my nightstand so I went to put it away and then when I was in the kitchen I realized there's no room for it in the cabinet and now I'm measuring the wall for shelving units.

Which, yeah, it is that. It's definitely that. But it's also this series of texts I sent to my friend this morning:

[theangrypomeranian]

I just want my passion back man idk why that's so much to ask for

[actual-changeling]

ellie learns how to draw, and, if she might say so herself, gets pretty damn good at it, especially faces. it helps her ground herself to see happy memories physically stare back at her from her sketch book, her walls, the fridge, and wherever else joel puts up her drawings. he loves all of them, even the very first ones that aren't much more than vaguely human scribbles.

the first year in jackson is a pain, and she spends most of it holed up in their house, drawing, painting (she has no idea where joel gets all the paint from and he refuses to tell her), and once they make it through their first winter together, she feels comfortable enough to show them to other people, too. mostly tommy and maria, and in a weak moment she even gifts them a drawing she made of them and their baby.

she's over at their house a lot, it's a lot more lived in and settled than theirs but they're working on it, and notices some actual pictures, the kind you take with a camera, decorating the living room. it's obvious that they're prized possessions, framed and front and center on the walls. a handful of them show maria and what must have been her family before the outbreak, others are newer. jackson does have some cameras saved for special events, and there are two pictures of them on their wedding day, and even one from a few days after the baby was born.

she doesn't think much of it until their second summer in jackson when she notices the way joel stares at the baby pictures and realizes that all he has to remember sarah by is the broken watch on his wrist. the only tangible memory and it's one of pain and death.

ellie mulls over it a lot, it keeps her up at night and while joel picks up on it, he doesn't press the issue when she refuses to talk about it, though she assures him she's fine.

it takes her another two weeks after her realization to catch tommy alone one afternoon with joel safely away on patrol, oddly nervous and unsure how to phrase what she wants to ask. eventually she manages to explain her idea and the positively soft, distantly heartbroken look he gives her makes her breath catch in her throat.

do you think he would be okay with it?

i think he would love it, sweetheart.

they sit together for hours in his kitchen, ellie is determined to make it look exactly right and urges tommy to not hold back his criticism if something isn't accurate, and by the end, they have missed dinner and her wrist hurts like hell, fingers stained with pencil lead and color, but her chest is brimming with a warm sense of accomplishment.

tommy gives her a frame and she wraps it as well as she knows how to. he insists that she gives it to him alone, but ellie draws him into an uncharacteristically tight hug before she leaves and hides her smile in his chest when he presses a hesitant kiss to her hair. family, she realizes, is pretty damn great.

the waiting is the hardest part. she puts her gift on the coffee table and paces the living room for at least half an hour while she waits for joel to return from his patrol, switching between chewing her lips and biting her nails. by the time he finally walks through the door, she has almost convinced herself to abandon the whole thing and just pretend it never happened, but then joel's there, gaze immediately softening when he sees her, and suddenly she can't wait to give it to him. it's a pretty big frame and the best paper she owns, rivaling some of her larger paintings on actual canvas, and joel has to sit down to open it without running the risk of accidentally dropping it.

i hope you like it.

the quiet tremor in her voice makes him stop halfway through unwrapping it, but she just gestures for him to continue, rocking on her feet.

tommy helped.

when the last of the paper falls away and joel sees her work for the very first time, they both hold their breath at once, even the summer breeze stilling, air brimming with something neither of them have the words for.

joel is looking at a vibrant water color painting of sarah, face at a soft angle as she wonders at a small purple butterfly resting on her finger, hand raised in front of her, eyes and smile shining brighter than the sun, hair a shimmering cloud of brown and gold. a frozen moment in time, sarah forever fourteen, capturing the love ellie feels pouring out of joel whenever he talks about her, a wave of affection and distilled joy that makes her miss a person she has never known.

i thought you might want a happy memory of her to look at, too.

ellie points at his watch, broken glass fracturing the light falling in, hand shaking.

i hope it's okay that i- if you don't want it-

joel's arms are around her before she can finish, cutting off her stuttered attempts, frame safe on the table as he hugs her so tightly her feet lift off the floor and she clings to his neck, relief bringing air back to her lungs. he holds her with his face buried in her hair, and ellie only notices he is crying when she can feel a few stray tears run down her neck. when he sets her down again, eyes glassy even after he dries his cheeks, her knees buckle under his gaze. they're both bad with feelings, bad with words, love shown through touch and gestures, through don't forget to eat, i'll stay with you until you fall asleep, fresh cups of coffee left on his nightstand before she leaves for school, hands searching for each other in the crowd again and again and again, never letting go.

love brought to life by a painting of the daughter that taught him how to be a father, made by the one that helped him find his way back to the light.

thank you, ellie.

they both know it means i love you, too, sarah immortalized on their living room wall where the morning sun illuminates her face with every sunrise.

more rambles in the tags

[mymp3]

[weepingtalecowboy]

Fanfic prompt: Legend met his dream girl in his literal dreams

I am surprised that he didn’t try to take a six month depression nap in hopes of seeing her again

But it would have been so fucked up if he actually does see her again every time he dreams

And then proceeded to stop interacting with the disappointment that is the real world for anything that isn’t absolutely necessary

When linked universe happens he is constantly trying to get back to Marin

And at first glance everyone just made fun of him because he is worse than Sky with sleeping

Till they find out why exactly he is doing it (they feel like shit afterwards)

Because knowing that your brother is just so messed up that he would rather spend his time asleep in a perfect world he made up in his head then face reality

Legend be like : “when real life is meaningless you can always hibernate till it is worth living again” (also basically just forever because it is legend we are talking about)

The chain : “WTF , that is the most depressing and upsetting sentence I have ever heard and I know time personally (said time as well )

Then they desperately try to make him enjoy his time with them but it just isn’t working as well as they hoped for

Because the hero of legend has a life that really doesn’t offer something that he hasn’t already had in his dreamscape

The dream is peaceful and loving

Reality is not

The dream offers him the chance to meet his lover again

Reality doesn’t

The dream won’t be harsh and unforgiving

It would not end with him alone again

Reality would always leave him alone

The dream offers an escape

Reality will only offer the escape of death

[your-fuccked-up-dad-volume61]

it’s always “i want a stalker bf” until i start leaving love notes around your house and sneaking through ur window at night, then it’s “how did you find my address” and “put the knife down and please don’t hurt me🔪🌹

[overleftdown]

deranged post-canon farleigh speculation

so. archie madekwe said something that makes me question a lot of the other post-canon speculation (often quickstart dynamic post-canon fics, speculation, etc.). Basically, he was talking about how tired Farleigh was getting, in the point in time that the movie is set. This is depicted through his confrontation with Felix, which Archie confirmed was the first conversation Farleigh has had with the cattons about the issue of bias.

a review by hilton als briefly touched on farleigh's possible future, as well. it was a very negative and... honestly understandable idea of what farleigh would grow up to become. aka, someone who exploited and tokenized their race for "brownie points," pun not intended. i see a lot of people crafting stories of farleigh finding different ways to rejoin the ultra-rich class. and i kinda wanna say that i... don't like that. here's an anecdote: my cousin and i had a conversation about his experience moving from a white-dominated, suburban environment. he argues that although racism is still prevalent where he now lives, the racism he experienced in his hometown was so painfully, covertly delivered. it's this sort of "could you just call me a slur or something" mentality.

although farleigh is terrified of change, although farleigh is terrified of losing what he believes is an accommodation for his marginalization (it isn't; you can't buy your way out of racism), although farleigh learned to be materialistic through the ways in which he was raised, although farleigh is constantly running away from something--i think he was reaching a point of genuine hatred for the ways in which racism is delivered to him in this environment. i would also go insane. so freakishly insane. i think his conversation with felix made him understand that maybe the cattons will never even try to change. that the cattons couldn't even acknowledge the problem in the first place. that you can't really win, with people like the cattons. it's always a game of when, and never if. when will they finally, politely discard me?

this leaves a couple options. the first, farleigh learns to be financially independent and very much successful. he would never rely on other people again, especially not white people. this leaves room for hilton als' interpretation, but the fact that farleigh was cognizant of and willing to mention racial bias to felix is evidence for me to assume that farleigh is beyond belittling himself like that. farleigh already experienced so much shame from catering towards the cattons and their whiteness... i don't think he'd keep going with that. not with the way it ended. not after he had the horrible wake-up call that was both his cousins dying. so, maybe farleigh does find his way back to wealth. maybe through fashion, through modeling like his mother, through another form of art, through business, whatever.

the other option is that farleigh just... doesn't acquire that level or even close to that level of wealth again. i kinda like this idea. i kinda like imagining farleigh in a city flat or smaller suburban house, finding a significant other and probably never ever having kids. that, of course, still leaves room for farleigh to go and brutalize oliver out of saltburn. but i'd like to think he wouldn't take saltburn back. as i've said before, farleigh was never greedy. he never wanted to replace or succeed the cattons, nor did he want any form of dominance over them. to be their equal, yes. to be seen and heard and given attention, yes. but never did he play his games to knock felix or venetia down. i feel like farleigh would be the "eat the rich" that saltburn didn't have. not in the corny way, because farleigh is no robin hood, nor is he an innocent and selfless person.

my ideal "sequel" type situation would be farleigh returning to saltburn after living comfortably and humbly for the last 20 years. he's not here out of moral obligation. he's not here to steal back the catton wealth. he's here selfishly, and out of burning hatred. he's here because oliver stole any sense of closure farleigh could've ever had. he's here because oliver never gave farleigh the opportunity to forgive his family, nor to mourn them, nor to visit those memories, nor to make new ones. farleigh is here to wreck oliver's shit. it's not healthy, it's not pretty, it's not clean. i'd imagine 40-year-old farleigh, having matured, returning to saltburn and regressing to the same games he always used to play. lying, people pleasing, pretending, sex, drugs, sass, etc. ahhh. my ideal sequel. a man who found peace without closure and finds closure through a significant lack of peace. and, also, oliver dead as hell.

[autistichalsin]

Halsin's entire arc is about how he has never been allowed ANYTHING for himself.

Not a break from the stress of leadership. Not friends/confidantes. Not healing from his many traumas. Not a family/child of his own. Not even a HOME of his own in the context of this scene, since it's only going to trigger if the Rite of Thorns is completed and Halsin loses his home and friends, forever.

EVERYTHING he has asked for in the entire game has been for the good of others. Kill the goblin leaders who threaten the Grove, save Thaniel, the spirit of the land, let Halsin come with you to help defeat the Absolute. All of it solely for the benefit of others.

And then Halsin asks one thing. That, in and of itself, should really get the player's attention if they have been paying any attention up to this point. Halsin is asking for something FOR HIMSELF.

He tells the player that he is scared. That Minthara- who imprisoned him, and made plans with the other leaders to murder him, and tried to slaughter his entire Grove, which was saved only because Kagha sealed it away from him forever- is a bridge too far. That even he, with his endless compassion, can't do this.

He doesn't ask the player for revenge on Minthara. This isn't motivated by hate and anger, or want of bloodshed. Instead, he says that if the player wants Minthara to stay at camp, he cannot, will not, stay. Because this isn't about him wanting bad things to happen to Minthara. It is about him wanting to be certain he won't be murdered.

This is FURTHER proven when, if the player says they choose Minthara, Halsin makes no argument; he doesn't even say he's hurt by this disregard for his safety. He wishes the player the best. He says he HOPES he's wrong about Minthara. He even thanks them again for helping Thaniel. He understands that the player might prefer for Minthara to stay alive; he just wants to be personally removed from the danger he feels she poses to him. Which is why he extricates himself after this. If the player won't see to his safety, he will do it himself- no muss or fuss. It isn't even an ultimatum to the player as much as it is stating a boundary- where he will and won't stay.

He asked for one thing for himself- to be allowed to feel safe at the campsite where he was spending his days and nights- was denied it, and quietly left with ZERO ill will towards the player who refused to help him in favor of helping his captor instead.

That's what the fandom is calling him a monster for, now. Because after being held captive and tortured, the one thing he couldn't do was share a campsite with the person who was behind it all.

So I guess we have another thing to add to the list of things Halsin just isn't allowed to have.

[eversweetflowerpot]

nestling my dildo against my pussy n keeping it in place w my thighs, just to grind on it until i fall asleep bc sometimes the tease is better than actually fucking myself

[borvooven]

Having some thoughts about Francis being so incredibly gentle and loving towards (most) crew members and I've come to the conclusion that it has to do with his feelings for himself. He has no appreciation or pride etc for himself but still has so much love to give which is why he treats Jopson, Hartnell, Little and the men as a group like they're his sons. Like James says, he's lost his joy and therefore obviously appears cynical and emotionless. In the arctic, where he has nothing and no one else to share his love with instead, this is the only way he can show he's not a cold, heartless man. As the despise and regrets he feels grow so much stronger his attempts to make them feel loved, until their last moments and even in death, become more frequent as well since the last thing he wants is for someone to feel like he does.

Despite giving all the love he had in his heart and even more as a desperate try to cling onto the only thing keeping him from fully sinking in self hatred he was still left alone with nothing but just this.