#i want to start writing part 2 in the spring but I don't want to hold myself accountable so I'm not making any promises

[strangersteddierthings]

Porcelain Steve - Part 7

Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine

((TW for this part; period typical slurs and internalized homophobia. Read the tags before clicking readmore if you want the details))

Steve has been a porcelain doll for seven weeks when disaster strikes.

"What is that," Jeff says, because even though the words are in an order which would suggest that it's a question, the tone of voice Jeff uses decidedly is not questioning.

"What is whaaa-AH! Nothing! It's nothing!" Eddie, who was torso deep into his closet throwing things around to find his backup amp cord, turns to look at what Jeff was talking about, and is now launching himself across his room to stand between Jeff and Porcelain Steve. Porcelain Steve, who Eddie had lain on his bed, propped slightly on a pillow, headphones carefully perched on his little head, hooked to a cassette player currently playing the first hour of last week's Top 40 countdown that Eddie had taped for him (all three hours of it, leaving out the chatter of the radio show host. He'd had to use two tapes to get it all).

"Nothing sure looks a lot like a doll in headphones, Munson," Jeff has an amazing poker face but Eddie's certain he can see a bit of judgement underneath the carefully blank expression Jeff is wearing.

"I don't know what you're talking abo- hey! Hey, no, no, don't!" Eddie tries to bodily block Jeff when he moves forward and the two end up wrestling, a match that Eddie almost wins, if not for the hazard that is his messy room. He gets Jeff walked almost to the door before he steps wrong on something, ankle rolling and sending him down sideways. He clutches at Jeff but can't make purchase and Jeff, the bastard, does fuck-all to try and catch him. Instead, Jeff leaps out of arm's length, then lunges onto the bed as Eddie collapses to his floor.

Eddie frantically tries to stand and, in his haste, ends up with his feet tangled in a pile of dirty laundry and that sends him crashing down again, this time forward onto his hands and knees, so he gives up on standing and crawls the few short feet to the bed, finally looking up to see that the damage has been done.

Jeff has picked up Steve, holding him inches from his own face, eyes squinted in suspicion. Eddie is frozen, horrified and afraid, and can't bring himself to do anything as Jeff examines Steve closely, turning him around, poking his torso, flipping him upside down to examine his shoes more thoroughly. It's only when Jeff reached for the shirt, pinching the hem of it between two fingers that Eddie kicks back into action.

He lunges up, one knee on the bed, leaning over to grab Steve and yank him from Jeff's grip. His first instinct is to throw Steve over his shoulder, out of sight out of mind mentality, but as soon as he does, he realizes his mistake and twists, lunging to catch Steve in midair. He does manage to catch Steve, but it sends him bouncing off his dresser and almost back to the floor before he manager to regain his balance, where he proceeds to cradle Steve to his chest, which is heaving from the adrenaline, wrestling match, and subsequent dive after Steve.

Jeff is giving him a concerned look but something else piques his interest; Jeff reaches over and picks up the headphones, holding them up to one ear. His face goes through every emotion a human could possibly experience in less than fifteen seconds as he listens to whatever track was at the forty-ish minute mark on the Top 40 countdown.

Slowly, Jeff lowers the headphones, letting them drop to the bed before he gives Eddie a new, more judgmental, yet infinitely more concerned, look. "Eddie. What. The fuck."

Honestly, he's not sure there's anything he can say in response.

"Why- I don't... are you okay, man?" Jeff sounds both scared for Eddie, and scared of him, at the same time.

"I'm fine," Eddie manages to squeak out.

"Eddie," Jeff says seriously, "this is not fine. This is- this is insane behavior. You know that, right?"

"I've no idea what you mean," Eddie doesn't even know what he's defending himself from but his default response to anything is to defend himself. He grips Steve tightly around the torso with one hand and then moves both his hands to be behind his back so Jeff will stop staring at Steve.

"I mean this fuckin' insane shrine you have dedicated to Steve fucking Harrington. How did you even get a doll that looks like him. Did you- did you make that?"

Fuck. Holy fuck. What can he say to defend himself here? Is there a single way for him to come out of this not sounding deranged? If he agrees, let's Jeff's drawn conclusion be the truth, then that's all but confirmation to Steve about his big fat crush, so when Steve's back to being Steve he'll never look at Eddie again. Jeff might think he needs mental help, but he'll be here for Eddie. If he tries to deny the accusation, then he'll need an explanation. He'll have to tell Jeff something that make him seem less like a creepy stalker, but what? He can't tell the truth, not without letting everyone know he's going to tell Jeff. There's a whole other secret he'd have to let out to even have a chance of Jeff believing him.

Jeff must take his silence for acceptance or guilt, because he's speaking again. "I.... man, this is not healthy. Please tell me you aren't, like, hoarding a lock of his hair or his clothes or something."

Involuntarily, damningly, his eyes dart to the closet, where several of Steve's sweaters hang from when he'd borrowed them and never returned them. And it's not like Steve doesn't have several of Eddie's own articles of clothing, like his battle vest and a few shirts. But Jeff doesn't know they easily, willingly, swap clothes, so his eyes go wide and dart towards the closet, as if he can pick out which pieces belong to Steve on sight.

Actually, he probably can.

"This really isn't what it looks like," Eddie says because he has to say something. Being silent is too incriminating.

"I don't think you're aware of what this looks like," Jeff says, wiggling himself off of Eddie's bed to stand at the foot of it. "Of all the boys in Hawkins.... I knew you liked Steve but this is.... creepy. That doll looks so much like him that I recognized it. Does Steve know you're in love with him, or is this like a way to process your crush without having to-"

"Jeff!" Eddie yells, mortified. He can feel his whole face heat up, knows he must be bright red. Because Jeff just said, out loud and for Steve to hear, the thing that Eddie very much hasn't even said out loud to himself, even if he knows how he feels deep down.

Jeff must know he's overstepped some invisible boundary he wasn't even aware of because his face immediately shows regret. He takes a step forward and Eddie takes a step back.

Immediately, Jeff stops his forward momentum. "Shit, I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry."

When Eddie answers, his voice sounds like he's been eating gravel, "Just, can you go wait in the living room? I'll be right out, and we can talk, or whatever, but can you just..."

A nod, and then Jeff is gone, closing the door behind him.

With shaking hands, Eddie brings Steve back to the front of him. Looks down at him. He's not even aware he's crying until he watches his tears mark Steve's tiny polo. He can't keep holding Steve. Can't keep looking at him. Not when- not when his best friend just outed him in the worst way possible. And Eddie can't even be upset or hurt about it because Jeff didn't know. He's teased Eddie about his crushes before, and in the safety of his own room, there was no reason for Jeff to have to watch what he was saying.

Even knowing that Steve is okay with Robin, loves her anyway, without the ability to confirm that Steve doesn't hate him right now, Eddie's going to freak out. But he can't. Jeff is waiting in the living room, and the band is waiting back at Gareth's. This was just- they were supposed to just grab the amp cable and get back, a fifteen-minute job at most, and now.

Now Eddie is staring down at Steve, willing himself to not have a panic attack.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have heard it like that, it s-should have come from me. It should- you-I'm sorry," Eddie gently underhand throws Steve onto the center of the bed. He lands face up and Eddie sinks to the floor because he can't stand anymore, and he can't really breath.

Steve knows Eddie's a fucking faggot now, and that he wants Steve, and there's no way he'll get to keep the friendship they had before this. There's no universe in which Steve isn't creeped out by this information. There has never been an instance where a straight boy found out about his crush on them and didn't abandon him. Not always cruelly, he'll admit. He's had friends that learned and just... slid from his life with no words and no fuss. Eddie just never spoke to them again because they never came back around, but they also never outed him.

That's what will happen with him and Steve. He'll quit inviting Eddie around, or calling when he's bored, and eventually it will get to the point that Eddie only sees him at BBQ's that Joyce drags him to.

Fuck. FUCK!

He's not sure how long he's on the floor but eventually, he finds the will to get back up and resume digging through his closet to find the amp cord. It doesn't take long, he was ridiculously close to finding it earlier, it seems.

Before leaving his room, he picks back up the cassette player and headphones. Silence comes from them, so he pops the tape out before flipping it to the B side and popping it back in. He puts the headphones around Steve's head again and presses play, doing his best to not actually look at Steve. He'll just have another breakdown if he does.

He trudges out of his room, closing the door behind himself before taking the short walk to the living room, where Jeff waiting on the couch, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled under his chin, eyes faraway as he stares towards the wall in front of him.

"Hey," Eddie says, to get his attention.

"Hey," Jeff says, sitting up straight and turning towards Eddie. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? I'm the fucking psycho here," he sighs, leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, hand clutching at the amp cord just for something to ground him.

"Forget that, whatever I did, or said, or whatever, you were- when you yelled my name. You looked terrified. Of me," Jeff almost whispers the last sentence, and if not for the stark silence in the trailer, Eddie wouldn't have heard.

"Not of you, Jeff," Eddie whispers back, but his voice doesn't stay quiet because 'quiet' isn't a thing Eddie does easily or often. "Of... of myself, and these- of how I feel- I'm a goddamned faggot and now that Ste- when Steve finds out I'll lose him! Like I've lost every fucking person who ever even suspected I was a fuckin' queer!"

Silence stretches between them, enough to make Eddie fidget, dropping his crossed arms to twist the amp cord about anxiously with both his hands.

"Look, man, I don't know what's, like, the appropriate thing to say so I'm just going for the honest thing. You got me. You'll never lose me. And all those other assholes that you think you lost? You're wrong. They lost you. And if Steve Harrington is gonna be another one of those, then you aren't losing him. 'Cause he was never really in your corner to begin with."

If this were anyone else, with the exception of his uncle, he would be able to hold it together better. But it's Jeff. His best friend. Who never believed Eddie committed unspeakable horrors over Spring Break last year. Who didn't question the strange, new friends he suddenly had afterwards; who accepted as the only explanation a softly spoken 'they saved me' and that was enough. Who had said 'ok, cool' in response to Eddie telling him he was gay, years ago now, and continued trying to find out if Eddie had a secret relationship, switching girlfriend for boyfriend like it wasn't a big deal (Eddie did not have a secret relationship; his good mood that week was the result of snooping for his birthday present and finding the guitar hidden under his uncle bed).

It's Jeff. So, Eddie does the most metal, manly thing he can and bursts into tears, blindly reaching for Jeff and pulling him off the couch so he can bear hug him and sob into his shirt.

"There, there, you big baby," Jeff rubs his back soothingly, "let it out. Then pull your sorry ass together, because Gareth and Brian are going to think we died in a car crash on the way here if we take much longer."

"Ah, fuck," Eddie manager to say around the sniffling he's trying to get control of, "you're right."

"You good, though?"

"Uh, I will be."

Jeff nods and steps back. "How about this. We go to practice, and then you can come to my place tonight and we can like, hangout and talk. If that's what you want."

He's already nodding as he says, "yeah. That would be good. I- uh, I have something to do after practice, but yeah, after that I'll come over."

Eddie tosses the amp cable to Jeff after they climb into the van and head off.

Halfway there, Jeff says, "you know Gareth and Brian are in your corner, too. If you ever feel like telling them one day."

"One day," Eddie agrees, "but today has already been... a lot."

Practice goes well, with some ribbing for their tardiness allowed. If Gareth and Brian notice Eddie's been crying recently, they keep it to themselves. Which is good, because Eddie cannot handle one more thing today.

A promise to meet up with Jeff later and Eddie's back home.

Back to where he left Steve, who will be laying in silence on his bed because it's been well over two hours since he and Jeff left, and the tape only held an hours' worth of music on each side. Back to the nightmare of not knowing if Steve hates him now, or if Eddie's, and this is the most likely scenario, being a bit overdramatic.

His uncle is home, so he greets him, asks after his day, gets told dinner is Fend For Yourself Night (which just means leftovers or a TV dinner), and gets asked about Steve. Because of course he does.

"You sure he went on a vacation willingly with those parents of his, and he ain't actually kidnapped and trapped somewhere?"

That's a little bit too true. If only Wayne knew. "Well, no. I'm not sure. All I know is what he said when he left."

Wayne gives him a look. One Eddie is used to seeing, that says 'I know more than you think but I'm waiting for you to tell me' and Eddie's a little afraid of what Wayne thinks he knows. So, instead of prying that box open, Eddie just says he's tired and goes to his room.

Steve is exactly where Eddie left him.

Suddenly, without reason or logic, Eddie is angry. He's so pissed at Steve for being gone for this long. For having transformed in the first place. For not being able to assure him they'll still be friends, regardless of Eddie's stupid crush.

He snatches Steve off the bed, hand clamping around one of Steve's arms and his torso so he can hold him up with one hand. Steve's face, permanently stuck into a blank expression, looks back. Even knowing that Steve sees and hears through this thing, Eddie's so angry at the doll. If Steve hadn't been turned into this stupid thing, if Eddie wasn't so helplessly in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. Eddie could have taken his own time telling Steve, instead of hearing his deepest secret spilled easily from Jeff's lips. Instead of this not knowing what Steve is thinking, or how he feels. Is he recoiling in disgust at the fact Eddie's making him look at his face? Or is Eddie being awarded the same kindness as Robin, a quiet acceptance that won't change their friendship?

Eddie doesn't know that answer and he hates it.

He's so angry with himself because he should know better. He's forcing his own insecurities onto Steve, about acceptance and caring, when nothing Steve's done since they've become friends is prove that he'll always be Eddie's friend and not even the apocalypse could change that.

"I'm going to hang out with Jeff, so you're gonna be alone a bit longer. Or maybe I should drop you off at Robin's when I go," Eddie goes to toss Steve back on the bed when something pinches his palm. It's a startling sharp pain, quick to fade, but it's surprising enough for Eddie to let go.

Eddie watches, horrified, as he falls to the floor. He twists in the air, landing with a dull thump and cracking sound on his left arm before falling onto his back.

"Shit. Shit! Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," Eddie is crouched, already in the process of reaching for Steve when he freezes.

There is a crack on Steve's left arm, a line that starts above his elbow on the inside of his arm and runs down and across his arm to his hand, where Steve's pinky finger is gone. Looking slightly to the side, Eddie can see the small porcelain piece that Steve is missing laying on the ground next to him. Eddie's own hand is hovering in the air above Steve, shaking.

This can't be- how did- Eddie wracks his brain. Was the crack there already? Did Eddie cause the crack when he bounced off his dresser earlier? When did it happen? Does that fucking matter when it's Eddie who broke a piece off him? If Steve didn't hate him before, he's got to now. Eddie doesn't have time to panic about this, he's got to- El. El can talk to Steve. Find out if he's okay. What if breaking him-

Eddie launches himself up and to his dresser, grabbing at the Walkie up there. He pulls the antenna up, clicks it on and tries not to actually shout as he says, "Code Red! Code fucking Red!" He lets off the talk button, counts to seven in his head, enough time, he reasons, for someone to respond before he repeats the process. "Code Red!! Code Red!"

He repeats this process for three minutes with no response. Where the fuck is everyone!? How is he supposed to- Oh! The phone!

He tears down the hall and to the phone. He must look a right state, because Wayne looks very concerned and is halfway to standing up when Eddie gets to the phone beside him. He yanks the phone up and dials the number for the Byers-Hopper household, holding up a shaking finger to Wayne, a silent plea to give him a moment.

It rings and rings and rings before the answering machine kicks in. Eddie presses down on the disconnect button before dialing the Wheelers' number next.

"Hello?"

"Mike! Code Red! Where the fuck is everyone and why aren't they answering!?"

"What?"

"Code Red! Where's Nancy. Put Nancy on."

"Dude, slow down, what's-"

"I broke St-it. I broke it and someone needs to get El here now. Code Red does not mean ask questions, Mike! It means Code. Fucking. Red."

"Shit, shit, right! I'll get Nancy and we'll get everyone- just- we'll be there soon."

Eddie slams the phone down and has to meet his uncle's eye now.

"Eddie. What is goin' on?"

Eddie inhales a breath and can feel his lower lip quivering. "It's- can we talk about it later? I promise I'm not the one hurt, or in trouble, or- it's not me, ok. I just-"

"Yer shakin' like a leaf boy. What's got you so spooked?"

Eddie just shakes his head and flees back to his room, slamming the door shut between him and his uncle. He can't bring himself to cross the room to Steve. He slides himself down the door to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to hug.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry."

[ravendruid]

Bime update

Is this thing on?

Hi everyone! I just finished writing chapter 29 of Be In My Eyes, which means I only have chapter 30 (the last for Part 1) left to write.

Since I will be traveling for the rest of the year, and I still have to edit the next seven chapters, I will resume posting chapters on January 11, at 10 am EST, and continue posting one chapter a week (every Thursday at 10 am). Chapter 30 will come out on February 25, which marks one year of Be In My Eyes.

I have plans for part 2, and I'm always open to drabble requests for this AU, so don't fear. This is not the end of BIME. <3

This is it for now. I need to go make sure I packed enough tissues for chapter 30 writing session.

[bluetimeombre]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ And I wouldn't marry me, either.

You were Azriel's mate, but it took losing you three times for him to realise.

[this is long. i'm talking 5k words long so i've split it into two parts. anyway, azriel is the best bat boy and no i won't hear anyone out. i'm so excited to write for him and hope you enjoy. it's very angsty but that's what i love. i hope i can write more for him and maybe other characters if you like. it's been a while since i've actually read the series so if any information is wrong, do let me know. also it was my first time using the term y/n and yes, i cringed NOT PROOF READ... enjoy]

warnings: references to sexual assault and references to suicide. nothing explicit but please don't read if this is sensitive to you.

Part 2 soon…

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The first, was the worst...

You were Rhys's half sister, the bastard daughter of his father. But when your mother had died giving birth to you, Rhysand's mother took you in and raised you with your brother and sister. You were so little and adorable that your sister loved you at once. Rhys did to, at some point of your life, you were sure he actually cared about you.

But when his mother and sister had died, his eyes shifted, he started to look at you with contempt. After all, you were only his half-sister. The worst half. He only kept you around because it's what his mother would have wanted.

And because there was no way Cassian and Azriel would ever let anything happen to you.

Besides, Rhysand knew when to use you.

Although Azriel was his spymaster, you were pretty good at staying swift-footed too. And you were frankly, very terrifying when you wanted to be.

You tread with power through the war camps, all of them looking at you as you went. All of their gazes wrecked with a predatory gaze. They either wanted to have their way with you, or kill you. Or both.

Rhys had said you could handle it, it was only supposed to be a check in. Cassian hadn't liked it, neither had Mor but it was Azriel who had almost- and for the first time- disobeyed his high lord to accompany you. But no, your brother wanted you to do this alone, so alone you would.

Just to show him you could.

'I can come with you,' Azriel had said, standing in your room as you tied your boots up. 'I won't even have to be seen.' At that, his shadows wrapped up your calf.

You smiled at them, as if they were his own pet. 'I'll manage just fine. Besides, i'm sure that's what Rhys wants, me needing a man.'

It had done nothing to calm your friend. The worry was still stuck between his brows, marring his handsome features. You'd held his cheeks, your wings hiding the two of you. His large ones (enough to swallow the both of you) over-lapped yours.

It was the last time you'd feel your wings.

The war camp wasn't as easy as you'd hoped. It was terror and horror in a place. You'd been to the court of nightmares, you'd gone to the slaughter of the spring court after they killed your family. But this, this was hell of another kind.

You had no idea how many days you'd been locked up, wrists bound in chains and hanging from the cell roof above you. Blood rolled down your arms from the force you'd tried to use to get them out. Your eye was swollen shut and your body trembled in pain.

All because they wanted to know your brothers secrets, and you wouldn't budge.

Your check was only supposed to be a day, but you were sure it had been longer. Days of endless pain and torture. Your uniform hung in rags of stripped material, your hair matted with blood and hiding your face.

You'd used the last of your energy to keep your walls up. You weren't anyone's mate, you didn't have anyone on the other end trying to feel what you felt. But should Rhys come looking (though you doubted it) you didn't want him to feel it. You didn't want anyone in your mind.

The gates opened with a sickening clash.

One of the Illyrian's knelt in front of you, his wings hiding those coming in behind you. 'Listen sweetheart. I don't want to make this any harder than it's about to get. All you have to do is tell us your brother's hide outs.'

You grit your teeth, staring down at the ground.

'So loyal, to a man who doesn't care if you live or die.'

Suddenly, your wings twitched as hands grasped them. Brute hands, the sort you wouldn't want touching any part of you.

Fear spiked in you, horror twisting your gut. 'What are you doing?'

'I told you I didn't want to get things messier, darling.'

You whipped your head from side to side, trying and failing to get a look at the assailants behind you. Your wings were being held apart, no matter how hard you tried to bat them away. You knew the sort of people they were, and what they did to girls like you.

That's when the begging started. 'No, no please. Anything. I'll do anything! Beat me, kill me, rape me, not my wings, please!'

'Anything?' the bastard asked, tongue poking out from his lips. 'Then tell me where your lord's hideouts are?'

You should betray him, you thought. He would never lose his wings for you. Perhaps it was stubbornness that kept you from, or maybe you were clinging to the last bit of love you want from him.

The bastard scoffed, 'anything, she says. Your brother has his own bitch wrapped around his finger.'

That's when they started hacking at your wings.

Your screams tore through your throat, blood spitting and dripping down your chin. Tears soon joined when they hacked away at the bone, the membrane, the flesh of it all. The three of them worked through your screams and your tears and your pain, tearing and cutting at it like it was nothing more than paper.

Not your whole life.

Let them hear you. You hoped your brother heard you, you hoped all and every court heard the pain.

Eventually, even you couldn't keep screaming. The only sound was the hacking away at your wings and the drops of blood.

'Now look at these beauties. I've got a perfect spot on my wall for these.'

They left you after that. There wasn't much more damage they could do. It already felt like they'd destroyed your life. You had never really thought about your wings, they were just part of you, as much as your wit or hair was. But they'd took it and now, you felt empty. Never would you fly with Azriel again, or use your wings to smack Cassian over the head.

Rhys, your dear brother, had took that from you.

The days blended in together after that. You were pooled in your own tears and blood, vomiting up anything they forced down your throat. No, they'd made it very clear they didn't want you dead. They just took pride in making it feel like you were.

At some point, you'd stopped reacting to the gate opening. You let them do whatever they wanted with you. Your wrists were still chained, arms still hanging up, your clothes hanging on your thin body in strips of dirt.

'No...' you heard a mumble. 'What have they done to you?'

Suddenly, the chains gave way and you lurched forward, with no strength to catch you. Luckily, you didn't have to, as strong and warm arms pulled you into his chest.

'Hey, wake up, look at me, dammit.'

Azriel.

You'd know the voice in the darkest days, in the pit of your worst nightmare you'd know.

You try to speak but your head's heavy, your lips are stone and your arms can't lift to hold onto him. You're exhausted, you're dying. The only thing you could do use all your strength to try to open your eyes.

'Please, please, look at me. You have to look at me,'

You were trying, you wanted to tell hm, snap at him, but you couldn't.

You felt Azriel shake, or maybe you were. Then, there was wet drops landing on your cheeks- you flinched.

'I'm sorry, i'm sorry. Rhys! Rhys! hurry up, please!' he was screaming. You'd never heard him scream before.

You heard the rush of feet at the cell doors, you knew it was your brother. You knew it from the presence of him, from the shuffling of feet and chocked sob. Your brother didn't cry, least of all for you.

'Her wings, oh mother, her wings,' said Azriel, his voice barley above that of a whisper.

Your wings. You didn't need reminding. They were gone, long and far gone. You were without a part of you, the very part of your soul that loved to be free. Never would you watch the stars up close or fly over everyone. Never race Cassian or make jokes with Az.

No, this would destroy you.

'y/n,' your half-brother called. 'No, y/n. Can you hear me?'

Your lips parted, mumbling. 'Hurts.'

Azriel's grip on you tightened. 'I know, we're gonna get you out of here, just hold on for me.'

You wanted to tell him you would hold on, you'd always need to hold on to him. That, no matter what he asks, you'd do it. To kill, to live, to breathe, to die.

And that's when it clicked. Amongst all the pain and the doubt. In your blood soaked clothes. In the fear you wouldn't make it, there was a tug. Weak and one-sided, but there. You knew you'd be safe with Azriel, knew you would always be with him.

Mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The pain subsided to a dull ache, there and beating but not excruciating. You were warm and covered in a soft material. Nothing like the cell you'd been kept in. Your fingertips sunk into something soft- a bed. Your bed. It was familiar in its lavender scent to you and the silk wrapped around you gave you some semblance of warmth.

Your wings.

Even coming to consciousness was difficult. You were exhausted but light, without the weight of wings holding you down. You'd never realised how much you needed to feel that weight, to feel pulled down in order to be free.

Gone, all gone.

Your hand twitches around something cold, a shadow holding your hand, creeping up your side.

'You're awake, thank the couldron.'

It wasn't Azriel, master of the shadows. It wasn't your mate. Mate. The word replayed like a terrible song in your mind.

How dare the mother do this to Az. How dare he- nothing but loyal and kind- get stuck with a person made in darkness, who bled shadows, who's heart was so full of hate there wasn't room for love. They'd cursed Az, with you.

But luckily it wasn't him, it was Rhysand.

'It really happened,' you whispered, voice hurting from the screams.

He sighed. 'I'm sorry, i'm so sorry. We-we thought you weren't going to make it, you'd lost so much blood.'

In spite of the pain in your shoulders, you made a shift, turning from him as he ranted on about your condition.

'y/n... sister, please,' he said. He'd never called you sister before. He'd always been content to treat you just like you worked for him.

'Leave me alone.' you couldn't bare to look at him, couldn't bare to face him. The shadows at your hand grew heavier, as if more were piling on. You stretched your fingers away from them, trying to get them off you.

'Are you in any pain?' asked Rhys.

'Get out,' you mumbled.

The end of your bed dipped where Rhys settled, hand splayed on the covers, begging for your hand. 'y/n.'

'Get out!' you snapped, body tense and straining. You felt your wounds open up, blood wetting the bandage around you. But you didn't care. You'd happily bleed if you couldn't fly. A part of you, sick part of you wanted to be left there. It would be better than false sympathy.

Be better than your mate being disgusted.

'Get out!' you yelled again, voice tearing through an aching throat.

'I just want to help you! please, let me help you!' said Rhys, standing from your bed and walking around, trying to face you.

'I don't want your help!' you screamed. You reached for the closest thing you could, a jug of water and chucked it toward him. You aim was terrible, marred with pain and exhaustion. 'Get out!'

Though hesitant, Rhysand slowly started walking back to your door. He did it all looking at you, his hands out to show he wasn't gonna hurt you, but you didn't care. You went for the glasses next and chucked them but they landed against the door which he disappeared through.

Before it slid close you caught sight of Cassian , Mor and Azriel. All crowded, all waiting to see you.

You'd be happy if you never let them see you again.

'Can we see her?' you hear Mor ask.

'Give her time,' said Rhys.

The shadows at your hand grew heavier, darker, tighter.

'Go away!' you yelled at them. To anyone else, you probably looked crazy, screaming to darkness. But the shadows understood. They departed, slithering away and under the crack of your door where you could see the shadows of feet.

Tumbling from bed, you stumbled over and locked the door, leaning on it to and catching your breath. Your nightgown was starting to get sticky with blood all over again. When you closed your eyes, you pictured the cell, the rough hands holding you down, the chain keeping you up.

And the pain, it all washed over you. The hacking at your back, the sting of a slap. It hit you like a tone of bricks as you slid to the floor.

There was a knock, rattling the door.

'y/n,' Cassian. 'Please let us in.'

Us. You felt him on the other side. Your mate, his presence lingering. His shadows under the door, wanting to come in but keeping their distance.

He didn't know. It hadn't snapped for him, you could tell. It was one tug on your end, a chord in your heart. At least he couldn't feel what you did. At least you could shoulder it alone.

'Please.' his voice was almost your un-doing. He sounded so sad, so desperate. It hurt you just to think you were hurting him.

Tears streamed down your face as your curled your fingers into a tight fist. You assumed Mor had left with Rhys, leaving you there with the males.

Cass was always like a brother to you. Granted- a brother you had slept with once or twice- but he was your best friend. You'd always been close to him. But you'd always been good, a happy person.

You couldn't be that for them now, perhaps ever again.

It lasted like that for hours. Cassian and Az begging to come in, you curling into a ball with tears down your cheeks and blood down your back.

Eventually, they gave up. You couldn't hear them anymore and the shadows of their boots had disappeared.

Except Azriel's shadows that still lingered under your door. Maybe he'd ordered them to be there while they left you.

Eventually, you managed to find your footing on shaking legs. Your room was large, one of the largest. It was just as much a mess as it was when you'd left for you mission, clothes thrown over the place, books propped open on the pages you'd left them on. Everything was the same but could never be again.

It took you longer than you'd care to admit to get to your windows and throw the curtains close. Candles light at your request, the house looking after you as it had since you were a child.

You caught sight of yourself in the full length mirror. It seemed smaller, everything in the room felt too large and you too small, as if you were being swallowed by the expanse of it.

Your frame was small in the mirror, your hair disarrayed. Your eyes were red and shutting of their own accord from the tears that had drained you. The starving in the cells had made you look weak, made you feel weak.

And your back. There was no more looming black figures there, no more fluttering. There was just nothing. In spite of the ache as you lifted your arm, you felt around your back, feeling the hitch there, the lump from where they'd been torn from you.

You cry. You sob. You scream.

The scars were long and the nightdress was sticking to you by the blood you'd shed. All you could do, was hold yourself up as your body wracked with tears.

A breeze came from your windows, shadows tugging at the curtains.

You felt him before you saw him. You wanted to tell him to leave you but you couldn't talk without chocking. Without feeling like you couldn't breath.

Azriel had you in your arms before your knees could hit the ground. He fell with you, softening your body on the floor. His arms held you into his chest, his legs caging you into his body. His head rested on yours as he held you. He didn't try to talk, he didn't try to help. It was just him, you and his shadows.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Azriel remembered dozing off with you, his head on yours. His arms holding you into him, as if it was up to him to keep the sadness away and take it for you.

Afterall, you were his best friend. He should have been there for you, and he'd failed terribly by letting you get hurt and your wings stolen from you. He could hate himself every day for it, for letting you down. But it would never amount to what you felt for yourself and that killed him.

He could see it in the way you cried, in the way you were already keeping everyone out. He'd rather die than let you go through all the pain alone.

When his hands had been scarred by his brothers, you'd help heal him, tell him about everything he still was and all the power he still held in his hands. In the worst days, when he didn't let anyone touch him, he let you.

It was always you.

Azriel wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, or how deep. He was sure he was still with you, still in your bed.

His shadows crept up on him, engulfing him slowly and whispering to him. Your name, just your name on repeat. It was enough to lull him back into sleep, to keep him calm.

Gone. Missing. y'n. Roof.

He shot up and ran fastest than he ever had in his life. It was as if he'd never been asleep but had been fighting a battle with the way he raced over.

He burst through the doors, the cold hight air hitting him.

You stood facing the stars, your bloody back to him. It wasn't as much blood as when he'd found you, but it was still enough to put a lump in his throat.

Immediately his shadows fell to you, cascading down your body and wrapping around your waist. There was a breeze in the air, pushing your hair back and exposing more signs of the pain and torture you must have gone through.

'I'm not gonna jump, if that's what you're thinking,' you said. You didn't even have to turn to him. The shadows probably told you enough.

'Why are you up here?' he asked, walking to you slowly and with careful steps. As if every step closer could you push you away from him.

'I'll never feel the win properly again,' you answered.

Azriel gulped down his own pain. You’d never sounded so small. ‘Can you get away from the ledge?’

'I'm not on the ledge.'

'You're too close for my liking.'

'Leave if you don't like it.'

'Don't do this,' he said.

'Do what?' you asked, folding your arms over your chest. You were cold, out in the hight but you wanted to see the stars. Needed to see them.

'Make me leave. Make everyone leave you. I know that's what you're doing. It's what you do every time,' you could feel him dawning closer. His shadows were all around you, almost drowning you.

‘Every time,’ you scoff, stepping down and turning on him. ‘It’s not every day you lose your wings Azriel! But don’t let me stop you from leaving, flap them and go!’ You yelled, unable to stop yourself, no matter how hard you tried. You didn’t want to hurt him, you just wanted to be alone.

Mate. Mate. Mate.

'You jump and I’ll catch you,' he said. He was a step away, he could just reach out and touch, just a gentle caress. 'I swear it, whatever you do, I’ll follow. I’m not letting you get away.’

He watched your back shudder as he reached out, brushing knuckles against your shoulder blade. He heard your sharp inhale follow.

'Don’t think I won’t follow, y/n.'

Finally, you turned around in his shadows. You couldn’t meet his eyes but at least you could face his chest.

His hands were gentle on your shoulder as he rubbed it gently. 'Can I get Madja to clean you up?' He asked.

You nodded as he led you away. You truly did not deserve your mate.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Fifty-two years later...

When Amarantha had trapped the high lords of Prythian under the mountain, it hadn't be a conscious choice to follow your half-brother down. How Amarantha had allowed it, you weren't sure, but perhaps she wanted to use you just like her brother, or she thought it would bring more pain for him to see you suffer under there too.

You and Rhysand had barley spoke the last two years.

It had took you almost two months to heal fully enough to leave your room, another few months to face your family again. But even then, everyone knew something had changed in you. You didn't laugh as loud or smile as wide.

Rhysand was careful to ever let you out on a mission. Mor tried to take you out every night. Cassian spent all day every day with you and Azriel- he'd healed you better than any nurse.

Still, you had not told him he was your mate.

Still, you thought he wouldn't want it.

Still, you cared for your brother enough to not want him to go alone.

But being under the mountain, you could avoid your mate. At a painful price.

Until her. Rhys's mate. He hadn't shut up about her since he first met her, much to your dismay as you had to sit around and listen- having absolutely nothing better to do. And it only got worse when she turned up under the mountain. She was declaring her love for Tamlin- again, annoying your brother, and throwing Lucien into danger- which rather angered you. You had nothing against the ginger.

Rhysand had once sent you to find the girl to summon her as part of a bargain he'd made. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to look too forceful. You'd been lucky enough to find the two tangled up in each other against a cold wall, clothes ripped and hips moving together.

'Well, well well,' you'd intterupted.

Tamlin all but growled at you, but feyre was looking over you- evidently confused. She had no idea who you were. You, in your skimpy outfit that Amarantha kept you in (they all dipped low at your back, showing off your scars) and your eyes that were like a night sky.

'Amarantha's looking for her pet and Rhysand is looking for his. Honestly, i'd be a bit more worried if I were you. You know, considering Lucien still has an eye to lose.'

The two parted with your words as you sent Tamlin back to his master, the high lord glaring at you as you went. While Feyre tried to fix herself.

'Rhysand is over there, better not keep him waiting.' That was the first time you met her, having no idea how much trouble she'd be worth. The family that she'd become.

But Rhysand made sure you knew it all. From when the bond snapped in him and he'd stumbled. He ranted and ranted as they climbed out.

If only you were so talkative about Azriel. If only you could talk about him with your brother. But you'd tried not to painfully think about him. Climbing out of the mountain. It was all you could think of.

Maybe he'd have forgotten you? it had been fifty years. He'd probably realised how happy he could be without having to take care of you.

Rhys was allowed out of the mountain, he'd felt the breeze in his hair but you hadn't in fifty long years. You stood there a moment, bathing in the warmth as everyone left, as everyone ran off for their families and courts and the war that was inevitable. Eventually, Rhys offered you his arm. 'Shall we go home?'

He winnowed you there, on the balcony of your home. In a cloud of black smoke, the two of you appeared.

He went first, slipping through the doors slowly- like it could all be taken from them any minute.

You were hesitant, taking a moment to glance at the landscape behind you. It hadn't changed, not at all. The mountains were still there, everyone was still alive. Your home. In the last years it hadn't felt like home, but how could anywhere ever feel so close in your heart.

When you could find your feat again, you managed to slip through the doors. You were suddenly aware of how little clothing you were wearing, just enough to cover your chest and run down your legs. A chill settled down your back, your scars would be on show. What a way to great them all after fifty years.

Mor had her arms around Rhys's shoulders, crying into his shoulder.

Behind them you caught Amren, with something like tears in her eyes. You were just about to tease her before a body barrelled into yours in a blur of red syphons and your feet were lifted from the ground.

'Cassian.'

His arms tightened around you. You shoulder started to dampen with tears, his tears. The last time you'd seen him cry around you was when he'd seen a dog with only three legs. 'I'm keeping you on a leash from now on, stupid idiot.'

Your arms wrap around his shoulders, a smile gracing your lips. 'Is that a promise?'

He held you longer, tighter, not daring to let you go but at least settling you on the ground. He sighed against your head, controlling himself. 'He's missed you, you know,' he said. He was the only one you'd told, about your mate. 'Now that you're back, tell him. He deserves to know.'

Cassian slowly pulled away, holding you at arms length and smiling at you. He kissed your cheeks and then your forehead before parting to Rhysand.

Mor approached you next, slapping you in the arm.

'Ow!'

'Why would you follow him?' she snapped.

You blinked at her before she took you by the arm she'd slapped and embraced you, like a sister would. You dared not looking over her shoulder to find the one who hadn't come to you. Maybe Cass had got it wrong...

Mor pulled away, wiping at her eyes.

Azriel was as beautiful as the day you left him. His hair was the same length, he was the same height. He was just as you left him. It was hard to tell fifty years had passed on him.

And inside of you, tugging in your soul and heart you felt the familiar string of gold throbbing. But you still didn't feel that tug. You'd hoped it would have faded from you after half a year separated. Or at least have snapped for him. But no such relief.

He approached you, slowly. As if he was scared of scaring you away. But you just stood there.

His arms were delicate and soft around you as he brought you into his chest. He still smelled the same, cedar wood and shadows. Shadows that wrapped around you, shielding you from the rest of the room. They caressed you, head to two.

You held onto each other for what could have been another fifty years, but this time, it wasn't so painful.

✩₊˚.⋆☾��⁺₊✧

Although nobody wanted to part after yours and Rhysand's return, you were exhausted. A trip to Rita's could wait another night or two. The only thing you wanted to do was hide in your room.

Strangely, your room looked lived in. As if somebody had moved in since you'd left. A moment of anger replaced grief. Had they brought someone else and given them your room? but then you smelt it, Az.

Lying in bed that night, exhausted, you couldn't find sleep. You closed your eyes and pictured Amarantha. You'd never been afraid of her, you weren't afraid of anything. But you re-played the horrors. Watching servants beat Feyre, watching Amarantha use your brother and on the occasion, even you. How she flaunted. How the most powerful lords were weak.

Under your door, shadows seeped in, rushing across the room to you. You smiled, watching your hand disappear in their darkness.

'Azriel?' you called.

There was shifting on the other side of the door before he slipped in, clicking it shut behind him.

You sat up in bed, shadows moving with you. 'Couldn't sleep?'

He wondered in, looking around your room. 'Sleeping's been... hard.'

You rolled over, opening the blanket and nodding your head. You couldn't think about the bond, not yet. Not while he looked so.... ruined. Beautiful- the most beautiful person in the world, but sad. As he climbed in next to you, you could see the dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders slumped and his wings too.

His eyes scanned over you. You were in a thin and silk night dress that only brushed your knees, but the way he looked at you, mother you could've been naked. 'Fifty years,' his voice sounded barley controlled. 'Fifty years. You followed your brother down for fifty years? Why would you do that?'

You gulp. 'I would've done it for any of you. Except maybe Amren, she'd probably enjoy the peace for fifty years.'

You go to brush your hair back but Azriel seizes your wrist. He was angry. That's why his voice was rough and his chest rising and falling with barley controlled emotions. Could he feel it? your nerves, your lying?

'You left. You should've stayed, y/n, you know Rhysand didn't want you under there with him,' he said. 'For fifty years I haven't been able to sleep through a night thinking about the pain you must have been going through. After I swore to keep you safe, after I promised to catch you every time!'

'You couldn't have stopped me. You didn't promise, Az.'

His grip grew tighter. 'It went without saying.'

You looked around his eyes, seeing the pain and grief there also. Slowly, you brought your other hand up. He flinched as you took his cheek but eventually settled as your thumb ran over his cheekbone. 'I won't leave again, ok? I promise.'

He gulped, letting go of your wrist and looking down. 'I slept here,' he mumbled, but just loud enough to hear you. 'I couldn't sleep in my room. This was the only place I could rest.'

Your heart stuttered. Your hand dropped from his cheek. This man was your mate. Your mate. Your only love, whether or not the cauldron deemed it.

Azriel took your hesitation. 'I-i'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that. I've probably ruined your one place of peace-'

'Stay,' you said, before you could think of what you were asking. 'Sleeping wasn't exactly easy under the mountain either. I just trust I won't have to put a wall of cushions between us.' as if you wanted that. As if you haven't thought about his calloused hands all over you.

Azriel smiled and stayed the night.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The third time he almost lost you, broke him...

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[daydreaming-nerd]

The Prophecy (Lucien Vanserra x Rhys! Sister)/(Azriel x Rhys! Sister)?

Part 2,

Part 3 (Lucien's Version)

Part 3 ( Azriel's Version)

AN: I’ve had this idea for a while but after hearing “The Prophecy” on The Tortured Poets Department I was finally feeling inspired to write it. You guys have no idea how much that album is about to influence my writing. Also I have no idea how this is gonna end lol.

Summary: The only thing worse than having Azriel not know about the bond is watching him and Elain carry on like she doesn’t have a mate as well. Lucien and you have been long time friends but things change after one fateful starfall celebration. It’s not wrong if both of your mates don’t want you right? 

Warnings: smut, unrequited love, situationship, fluff, Lucien is literally and angel I love him sm, did not edit (I am tired)

Word count: 3734

“Please, I've been on my knees. Change the prophecy. Don't want money just someone who wants my company…”

I had known the youngest Vanserra for a while now. I can recall the first time I met him on a lovely day  in the spring court when I was visiting with my brother. The man was more than charming, his words nearly had me buckling at the knees. It was around the same time that I had found out that my brother's close friend Azriel was my mate.

I remember the bond snapping like it was yesterday. We were celebrating solstice in the Hewn City and my feet were nearly black and blue from the amount of drunk men stepping on them while dancing. I was about to ask my brother to take me home when Azriel stepped in and quite literally swept me off my feet. He let me stand on his toes and waltz around the room with him all night to ensure that he himself wouldn’t hurt my feet. At some point in the night the bond snapped and I had never been so happy. 

Azriel and I had been friends for over 100 years and I had secretly harbored feelings for him for at least 75 of them. To have my brother's best friend as my mate felt like fate. I didn’t tell him that night, something I have regretted for the last 400 years. 

Not long after that he rescued Mor and any sparks I thought he felt with me that night were long gone. From that day on all he did was pine for her. I couldn’t blame him, Mor was astonishingly beautiful. For a long time after he saved her I resented her, I felt like she had taken my mate from me. It wasn’t until I realized that she wanted nothing to do with the shadowsinger that my hatred for my cousin dissipated. It wasn’t her fault that Azriel was so smitten with her. It was my fault for not telling him, but now it had been so long since the bond snapped that it seemed weird to bring it up.  

So I sat dutifully by his side whenever  he needed someone to rant to about Mor. It practically ripped out my heart to  hear him talk about how in love with her he was. I was the only person he would open up to like that.  He would spend hours asking me for advice on how to woo her, and I grinned and bore it because, at the end of the day, I got to spend time with him.

I had been playing the girl best friend for hundreds of years. The moment I started to feel like he might be losing feelings for Mor in walked Elain. The beautiful sister of my brother's mate. What's worse? She seemed interested in Azriel as well. 

Elain was easy to hate. Not just for her flirtations with Azriel but for the way she treated Lucien, her mate. Lucien had so much love for the Archeron, and she waved him off without another thought. I might be able to understand her reluctance to accept the bond if Lucien was a brute of a male, but he wasn’t. He was soft, kind and easy on the eyes.

I found him tossing rocks into the Sidra one day, no doubt pining over how Elain had barley even acknowledged the flowers he picked for her. That’s when I told him about Azriel and I’s bond. From that moment on we spent a great deal of time together, ranting about our unaccepted mating bonds. Even though we spent most of the time bitching, there was happiness. More than I had felt in a while. 

Then starfall came…and everything changed. 

“You look far too stunning not to be walking in with a date,” Lucien drawled to me from the outside of the townhouse. 

I had spent all day getting ready for the annual party tonight. My dress was chosen specifically to catch Azriel’s attention, not that I felt like I would succeed. 

“Well finding a date is harder than you think, especially at this hour,” I laugh as I walk through the gate he opened for me. 

“Then indulge me,” he said. I turned to find him offering me an arm. 

“You want to be my date?” I laugh light heartedly, admittedly smitten by the autumn court male. 

“It’s a little last minute but I would be honored to walk into that room with you on my arm,” he said fondly. 

I smiled and shook my head at the male before looping my  arm in his and allowing him to lead me up the steps to the front door. 

“You know, you clean up pretty well Lu,” I cock an eyebrow bumping into him. 

“Thanks, your brother sets a pretty high standard as far as attire for this thing. Who knew he was such a fashionista?” Lucien grins before walking in the door arm and arm with me. I don’t even bother stifling the laugh I let out. 

The room nearly fell silent at our entrance. Sure Lucien and I were close and everyone knew, but they had never seen us like this. Even Az and Elain stopped their oh so intriguing conversation to ogle. I swore I saw anger flit across Elain’s eyes, like she was dead set on owning both Az and Lucien. 

Lucien and I spent the evening as wallflowers, doing our best to stay away from all the happy couples. We had even gotten to the point where we grabbed a bottle of wine off the table and brought it over to our couch, both of us tired of constantly getting up and down for refills. 

It wasn’t until Az and Elain not so subtly got up and walked onto the balcony that we decided we had tortured ourselves enough. We promptly grabbed the bottle of wine and waltzed out of the townhouse not even bothering to say goodbye. I supposed it was that exact bottle that did us in. 

I placed my hand on my apartment door, swaying slightly from the alcohol rushing to my head. Lucein’s hand found my hip, steadying me. While I assured him I would be fine to walk home alone, he insisted he came with me. 

“Thanks,” I laughed unlocking the door. 

“You’re welcome,” he chuckles, wobbling himself. 

“I had a really good time with you tonight,” I say, placing a hand on his chest to steady myself.

“I had a good time too,” he smiled. 

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how close we were. Lucien looked down at me, the moonlight illuminating his face perfectly. The sudden tension between us was broken when he crashed his lips on mine. 

One thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was lying bare beneath him as he fucked me like his life depended on it. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to get laid until he was buried inside me. Needless to say I understood why people said the Autumn Court males have fire in their blood. 

That was a year ago and since then Lucien and I had decided to continue seeing each other in secret, both of us needing a way to release built up tension so to say. He often stayed the night and we would spend long hours talking about everything from the books we were reading to politics. The sex was amazing, for both of us, but it was the intimacy that came after that I think we both craved the most. An intimacy I would be seeking out shortly given the current topic of conversation between Azriel and I. 

“Gods the other day she was weaning a light blue dress in the garden and I nearly fell to my knees before her,” Azriel ranted to me. 

He had been going on and on about whether or not he wanted to finally make a move on Elain or not. And as his best friend I had to hear about every word of it.

“I saw it, it was a very pretty dress,” I acknowledge, turning the page of the book I was reading. 

“I swear she blushed when I complimented it too, I think I’m making progress with her,” he went on to say. 

“Maybe you should just put yourself out of your misery and talk to her Az,” I suggested for probably the tenth time. 

“You know I can’t just barrel in there. She’s scared and I’m not going to freak her out even more. She will come to me when she’s ready. If she’s ready. Gods that’s assuming she even likes me,” he rambled. 

I roll my eyes and shut my book so loudly it pulls the shadow singers attention. I give him a pointed look that has him startling back just a bit. 

“I know that she likes you Az,” I deadpan. 

“How can you be sure though?” he asks, throwing his head back on the arm of the couch. 

“Because she would be an idiot not to,” I say with a hint of sadness. 

Azriel looked to be at a loss for words, and I realized my words were much bolder than I had wanted them to be. 

Clearing my throat I set my book down on the side table, knowing it will be waiting for me when I come back to my brother’s tomorrow. I stand and subtly adjust my dress.  

“I have to go, but seriously Az, just tell her,” I say walking over to press a kiss to his forehead. 

As I got to walk away I feel him grab my hand, placing a kiss to my open palm, “Thank you for listening y/n, really.” he says earnestly . 

“Don’t worry  about it Az, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say with a fake smile before setting off towards my modest home. 

When Feyre moved into the townhouse I took it as my queue to move out, knowing my brother and his new mate would want privacy. Of course Rhysand offered me mansions and villas but I was content with a townhouse of my own in the middle of town. Big enough to have my own home library, and small enough to not feel so lonely. 

I make my way down the cobblestone streets, the faelights casting a warm glow on the ground before me. It was late, and many couples were turning in for the night. I could see some cuddled up on their sofa’s through their windows, others were having a nightcap together outside Rita’s. I saw a couple rocking their newborn baby to sleep on the second floor of their home, and for some reason, that was the one that hurt the most to me.

I sighed as I walked up a few steps to my townhouse door. I unlocked the door and was greeted to the smell of jasmine and vanilla and the sound of a cracking fire. I walk up my steps to find Lucien sitting shirtless on my large bed, his hair in a bun at the nape of his neck. The male was the image of relaxation. 

I had given him a key months ago. With the males many jobs, emissary to the night court, ally to Jurian and Vassa,  and liaison to Tamlin, he needed a place to truly call home. For the past 9 months that had been here, with me. I never once objected to his subtle moving in, it was nice to come home to someone waiting for me, sometimes even a homemade meal. For him it was nice to have a  place where he didn’t always have to put on a front. It was a win for both of us. 

“When did you get in?” I ask kicking off my shoes. 

“Just a couple hours ago. How was Azriel duty?” he asked, setting his book down as I began to strip off my cloak and dress leaving me only in my lingerie. It wasn’t uncommon for us to be so casual with one another. 

“Exhausting, did you know that Elain wore a pretty blue dress the other day?” I mocked tossing my clothes into a dirty clothes bin, I noticed his missing shirt was there too.

“Unfortunately yes I did,” he chuckled. “You know what always makes me feel better though?” he smirks. 

“I crawl up the bed towards him, “What?” I smile knowing what the answer will be. 

“You,” he smirks, grabbing my hips and pinning me to the mattress beneath him, his lips pressing to mine. 

“How funny I was about to say the same thing,” I laugh, feeling his lips tickle my neck as he makes his way further down my body. 

His mouth trails the inside of my thighs before sliding my panties down my legs, each brush of his fingers from my hips to my ankles feeling like heaven. The male had been gone for a week, and I was desperate for release. He licks a long stripe up my center, flicking his tongue over the bundle of nerves at the top. My back arches off the bed and his hands find my waist to pin me down. I feel his tongue begin to lap at my clit as his fingers slide into me, no doubt finding the pool of wetness waiting there. 

This is what me and Lu had always been good at, reading each other. When he had a stressful day  I always made sure to make him feel good, and when I came back to the house upset he never hesitated to get on his knees for me. There was this unsaid rule that we would always take care of eachother. 

Lucien’s tongue continues lapping my clit as his fingers curl to hit that spot inside of me that had me gasping for air. As I started to feel myself getting closer and closer he removed his mouth from me, drawing his fingers out slowly. One thing about hooking up for a year? You learn to read each other's bodies, and lord did the seventh son of Autumn know how to read mine. 

“Lu!” I cry out frustrated. 

“Shhh my darling,” he coos crawling up my body. “I simply want to cum with you tonight.” he smirked, seething himself inside of me. 

“Oh gods!” I cry feeling him fill me thoroughly. 

He pulls out and thrusts back in causing me to whimper once more. Mor was right about one thing, the autumn court males have fire in their blood and they fuck like it too. 

“I missed you, missed this,” Lucien groans, his face contorted in pleasure as he builds a steady pace. 

“I missed you too Lu,” I say through ragged breaths as he fucks into me like his life depends on it. Apparently the time apart made him needy as well. 

I could hardly speak as he thrust deeper into me, his hands on my waist holding me steady so tha he could hit me as deep as possible. When I felt myself start to clench around him he doubled over, burying his head in my neck as his hips continued to snap into me.

My hands found his back clinging to the flesh there for an anchor, my walls fluttering around him one last time before I fell apart.The sudden sensation had Lucien biting my neck as he came with a low groan. 

We spent a few moments catching our breaths, he pushed up on his arms and moved a stray hair from my face, assessing to see if he had hurt me, just like he always did.  When he found no traces of pain in my face he rolled over, taking me with him so that I was lying on his chest. 

This was always the part I think we both craved the most. The sex was great, amazing even. But I longed for a pair of arms to fall asleep in, and he longed for someone to hold. Meaningless pillowtalk just for fun.

“I mean it, I did miss you,” I sigh circling my arms around his waist. 

“I missed you too, I hate sleeping in the spring court, it’s so cold and dark there now.” Lucien said, staring at the ceiling. 

“How is Tamlin?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Terrible,” he muttered. “I had to talk him into letting me stay.”  He continues playing with the ends of my hair. 

“You’re a good friend for checking in on him though,” I say matter of factly. 

“I still wish I could do more,” he sighs, pulling the covers up on the two of us.

“I understand,” I mutter keeping my head on his chest, staring at the fire that roars next to us. 

A long beat of comfortable silence passes, normally I would fall asleep like this. I would sometimes wake to him being gone, sometimes he would wake to me being gone. Only on weekends would both be able to wake up and go to breakfast together. This was one of those weekends, but instead of falling asleep, Lucien spoke up. 

“Can I ask you something?” he asked, not taking his gaze from the ceiling. 

“Sure,” I reply, waiting for a nonchalant inquiry. It wasn’t the first time he and I had played 20 questions to get to know each other more, though I thought that after a year of it we knew just about everything there was to know about the other. 

“Would you agree that Azriel and Elain are never going to give us a chance?” he asked. 

My heart twinges hearing his name, “Well Az doesn’t know, but even if he did I don’t think he would care. I’m not damsel in distress enough for him.” I snort recalling the unconscious type he has.

“I feel the same about Elain, and there’s something I’ve been thinking about, especially this past week,” he continues still facing the ceiling. 

I prop my head up on his chest wanting to read his face and his eyes flit to me, “Cryptic Vanserra, but go on,” I laugh trying to break the tension. 

“I’ve always been fond of you y/n ever since you visited the spring court all those years ago. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, that admiration has only grown, not to mention you’re a very beautiful female y/n,” he laughs at his own words, a tint of pink dusting his cheek and I can’t help but blush as well. “From the amount of time we’ve been spending together it seems you like me enough, and well…I don’t want to be alone anymore,” he says seemingly avoiding his main point. 

I sit up more, intrigued by his words, “What do you mean Lu?” I inquire. 

“I was wondering if you would like to be Mrs. Lucien Vanserra?” he finally says and my heart nearly stops at the shocking words. “I know I’m not Azriel, but consider me an alternative. I think we could make eachother genuinely happy, maybe help each other enjoy whatever we have left of this miserable life?” he asks, his voice laced with uncertainty. 

I let his words sink in as I stare at the bit of wall behind him. As I consider all that he’s said I realize that he’s right, we do get along. I had spent years trying to find a male to fill the hole Azriel put in my  life, but it always felt wrong. It was as if I was taking someone else’s mate, even when the males didn’t have mates.  It didn’t feel wrong being with Lucien because I knew that his mate also didn’t want anything to do with him. 

I was tired of not always having someone to come home to. Not having someone to go to events with. Not having someone to spend holidays with. Not having someone to call my own. I was tired of being alone, especially since I had been alone for about 400 years, but no longer. 

I smile down at Lucien’s nervous face, “I would be honored to be your wife,” I say. 

“You would?” he beams. 

“I would,” I repeated back to him. “You’re right, we do get along, and I’m tired of being alone too.” 

He presses his lips to mine, both of us smiling into the kiss. We would never fill the sadness of a rejected mating bond, but we would be there for one another. I lay my  head down on his chest again, feeling the sleep come into my eyes. 

“How should we do it?” he asked, tracing shapes on my bare back.

“Hmm,” I thought for a moment. A big wedding seemed odd considering we weren’t mates or anything close to it. Eloping seemed more proper. “I think we should keep it small.”

“Do we tell them?” He ponders the most awkward question.

“We can tell them, but we don’t need to invite them. It can be a modified elopement, they will all know but we can just invite my brother and Feyre, that way we both have family there.” I answer snuggling into his warmth more. 

“By the Cauldron I have to tell your brother I’ve been sleeping with you for over a year,” Lucien said anxiously, running a hand down his face. 

I can’t help but laugh at his stress, “He might be a little mad, but I’m sure Feyre will be so excited about it that he won’t care.” I giggle. 

I feel his body relax under my cheek, no doubt realizing that whatever the High Lady says will be law. He slides a red and gold ring off his pinky finger and slips it onto my left hand. 

“Here, it’s a family ring,” he explains looking at the gaudy ring on  my hand. While it fits on my finger well the jewel on it takes up my whole hand and looks unnatural. “I know I’m not part of the Autumn Court anymore but it’s all I have.” he continues.

“It’s perfect,” I laugh, inspecting the ill-fitting thing, “it’s an outcast just like us.”

Lucien's soft chuckle escapes him as he plants a gentle kiss atop my head. Tomorrow promises its usual dose of chaos, but that's a concern for another day. Tonight, here in bed with my fiancé, though this isn't the life I envisioned, I find myself flooded with a happiness I haven't felt in ages.

Part 2,

Part 3 (Lucien's Version)

Part 3 ( Azriel's Version)

Permanent Taglist: @fides25, @dissociated-always @crystalferret202

[blkkizzat]

ღ𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟!𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 ღ

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐨𝐟 𝟐

18+ONLY MDNI

kizzatober series: Thrilling Ghouls

Kinktober Prompts: Breeding, Dacryphilia, Aphrodisiac Synopsis: Catching him in a lie, you suspect your boyfriend Toji is cheating on you. Where does he keep disappearing to once a month that keeps him away for often days at a time. You're fed up. You've made up your mind this time to follow him but are you ready for what you discover? CW: AU. Most warnings for P2 really. Slightly dubcon-y. Bully/mean/teasing Toji. Bratty/crazy gf reader. Rough sex. Drug ref. Werewolf transformation but this isn't that furry shit lol. Omegaverse themes I borrow heavily from but I'm not following the rules of it faithfully (I don't even know them myself lol) WC: 4k of 10.4k Lightly black fem coded but no descriptors.

A/N: This one took a bit longer expected as I recently caught a cold, boooo! But I'm realizing even in my fics I intend to be PWPs I still need to set the mood and a plot springs forth lmfao. Plus I had fun actually trying to write a bit of horror in too! I decided to split into 2 parts because of the delay already.

Big shout out to an irl bestie @sairotonin for drawing a sketch of Werewolf!Toji for her inktober for me to use in my gfx. TY sis you a real one!!

Enjoy!

“In the next 500ft, turn left.”

This was going to be the third goddamn left the car navigation told you to take in the last 20 minutes. You were ninety-nine percent sure you had been going in circles and were now lost as shit at night in the middle of nowhere. 

You glance at your phone sitting in the dash-caddy. 

One measly bar. 

The further you traveled, the more the service bars were dwindling as well. 

Shit, you had 3 full bars last time you looked.

Opting to keep ahead straight instead of turning, you cross-check your destination via the spy monitoring app you had shamelessly downloaded on your boyfriend Toji’s phone.

Toji’s current location was 45 miles outside of the city and it had been a good 10 miles since you last saw any kind of highway. The area you were in was a mix between nature reserve and private property so not even GPS could pin down the exact directions to his whereabouts. 

Sigh. 

You had never wanted to be That Girl™. 

You know, the ones who would sneak peaks at their boyfriend’s phones, were super insecure about any interaction their man had with the opposite sex and ran down on them while they were out to catch them in the act of cheating. 

But you were a woman at the end of her rope.

What else could you do?

For a few days every month Toji would simply disappear. 

The various excuses he gave usually centered around his work. You didn’t know exactly what he did, but you knew enough to know most of it was dangerous and wasn’t what good society would consider legal.  

Toji had scolded you before for asking too many details. 

For your own safety.

He would say with an arrogant smirk.

But even when working you had always been able to get a hold of him after a few hours. It was just this one particular job he would completely drop off the face of the earth for. It annoyed you, sure, but Toij’s work never followed him home so you didn't have complaints.  

That is, until you had finally moved-in with him and Megumi.

Truly, you were already like a little family.

Megumi, who had just recently started preschool, had been quick to warm up to you ever since you and Toji first introduced you to him a few months prior to that. 

But living together pushed things to a whole other level. Megumi would follow you around like a lost pup and often opted to sit in your lap rather than Toji’s.

Not to mention throw a near fit if you weren’t the one to tuck him in goodnight. (Toji would never admit he was a bit jealous and would only grumble slightly that it was less of a hassle for him if you did it so you should just do it from now on).

You never even realized you had such a mothering instinct, being on the same page as Toji about no more kids, until you looked into those little emerald eyes of Gumi’s and absolutely melted. 

You had grown so close that the little boy unknowingly let it slip once while Toji was MIA on that job, that he was glad Daddy went on his daddy breaks once a month so you both could have fun together by yourselves.

You tried to keep your reactions in check for Megumi but that revelation completely shook you. 

A “daddy break” didn’t sound much like a work trip to you which spiked your anxiety and caused you to spiral into overthinking. 

Did he need a break from you too as well?

You couldn't very well grill a 4-year old and you didn’t have the nerve to just ask Toji straight out. 

So you did the only thing you could think of at the time and that was to complain to your good friend Tsukumo over drinks a few days later after Toji returned.

Tsukumo, who always seemed to have the wrong answer for everything, simply told you to do the ‘smart’ thing and download a monitoring app on his phone that would log is calls, texts and whereabouts. 

You initially balked at her.

Tracking Toji had never crossed your mind.

Outside of this, Toji had never given you a reason to doubt him and you wanted to respect his privacy and trust, especially trust as you knew he didn’t let many people get close to him at all.

True, he wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming man you ever dated. You were well aware he had his many skeletons as well as ex-hookups. But Toji for the most part had been content with his gambling then coming home to you and Megumi. 

He wasn’t the type to ‘run the streets with the boys (he had no boys tbh), you had only ever known him to have the occasional drink with Shiu when he wasn’t out gambling.

You had almost refused to do such a thing… That is until Tsukumo posed the question: 

What’s more important Y/N– your peace of mind or his trust? 

And Y/N, is trust really what’s important here at all if he is in fact already taking advantage of yours?

Touché. 

Tsukumo had you there.

“Besides, you think that old dinosaur is even going to notice an extra app on his phone in the first place?” 

Tsukumo quipped, throwing back a shot of sake and jiggling the empty container at the bartender for more.

“You just got rid of his old flip phone last year. I’m surprised he can even use a touchscreen without punching a hole through it. Just delete the app once you’ve seen what you needed to see.”

Tsukumo gave you this advice like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Ignoring her digs at Toji’s age, and maybe it was the 3 bottles of sake the both of you had blown through in the last hour, but you were starting to think she might be onto something. 

“Mmm, on second thought, might as well keep it on there. Men like Fushiguro are dogs that need to be kept on tight leashes.”

Tsukumo grinned at you with a wink before turning her attention back to the bartender.

You still didn’t know then if you would actually go through with it.

Nevertheless, here you are now at 11:15 PM at night about to pull up on your boyfriend thanks to Tsukumo’s advice to find out once and for all if Toji was cheating on you.

You had dropped Megumi off at his best friend Yuji’s for the night, thanking Yuji’s parents for watching him and feeling guilty for lying to them that you and Toji had a date night. 

Almost there.

You are within 2 miles of arriving at the vicinity of where the monitoring app says Toji is.

However, your anxieties were getting the best of you as you drove in near tears.

You turn up your music louder, the booming bass distracting you from how much darker and creepier it gets the further you drive into the wooded area. 

Sighing again, you had no idea how this would turn out but you knew the result would determine whether you would be listening to Positions by Ariana Grande or Playing Games by Summer Walker on repeat during the drive back. 

☠

Barely a half mile later, you see the engine light of your car flash. The pungent odor of burning oil fills the car as a plume of smoke escapes out from under the hood.

Goddamn it, Toji. 

“Y/N, make sure to go get ‘er an oil change while I’m gone. Ya got like 15 good miles left on ‘er.”                                                                                                                                  Toji’s voice rang in your mind. 

Well the big lunk he was wrong.

You had driven at least 33 miles so far.

You mentally cussed him again. 

Toji was the one who was supposed to change your oil, he used your car more than you did. Only opting to use his own blacked out unplated and unlicensed car for jobs like he was on now.  

You wouldn’t have even left the house if it wasn’t for his sketchy cheating headass. 

Okay, so you hadn’t exactly confirmed that just yet, but you were pissed and until you confirmed otherwise, right now he was a cheater and everything about this situation was his fault.

Pulling over to the side of the dirt road before you caused further damage to your car, you weighed your options.

Option 1: Call AAA

You had zero bars though. 

Fuck. 

Option 2: Wait here in the safety of the car until morning.

You would still have zero bars and you might miss Toji, making this whole trip fruitless.

If he beat you home in the morning and found you gone with Megumi at Yuji’s with the sad excuse for a 'date night' lie you gave, you would never hear the end of it.

He would taunt you into oblivion that your silly ass drove all the way up here unto the woods for your car to break down cause you were too busy being a psycho bitch to remember to get an oil change.

Option 3: Walk on foot the rest of the way to Toji.

Really the only viable option you had. 

It was a good 12 miles or so back to the highway, you didn’t know how many turns you had made since then and you doubt you could make it back on foot anyway. If you were going to walk a few miles to get service again you might as well walk to where Toji was.

Sure if he wasn’t cheating you would still get ridiculed, but at least you could get a ride home. 

And if he was cheating, you would hot wire his car (one of the few useful things he did teach you) and that motherfucker and his whore could find their own way home.

Resolving yourself to walk, you put on Toji's hoodie that fortunately was still in the backseat from him last using your car to go to the gym. 

You really should have put more thought into planning this before you left. Besides Toji’s oversized worn hoodie that reached your mid-thighs all you were wearing was a thin white shirt and black spandex shorts. 

You didn’t even have sneakers or boots, as you looked down at your fuzzy black slippers you mostly only wore outside to run short errands like dropping off Megumi at preschool or picking up groceries. 

Thankfully, you did have a small flashlight in the glove compartment though in case of emergencies like this.

Flashlight in tow, you step outside of your stalled car and immediately suck in a worried breath as the weight of the chilly night settles over you like a heavy cloak.

You only have a mile and a half trek but the dirt road that stretches out before you looks endless as it disappears into the obscurity of the thick shroud of fog surrounding you. 

The flashlight doesn’t do much to cut through the intense density of condensation. You had only made it a mere 20 feet from your car but you can just barely make out its faint outline.

Swallowing, you put on your bravest face and fix your gaze forward. 

The reflections of your flashlight casts shifty patterns on the mist in your peripheral vision and you do your best to ignore the chill that creeps up your shoulders. 

“Fuck you, Toji.” 

You mumble half-heartedly, pulling the hood over head.

You didn’t really mean it though. Would-be-cheater or not more than anything you wished he was here with you now. 

You were freezing, tired and all you could think about was how warm and safe you would feel in Toji’s arms. Even if you were mad at him. 

You pick up the pace, wanting to get to him sooner. 

Almost more unnerving than the fog itself, the forest around you is as quiet as a grave.

There are no chirps of crickets, nor hoots of owls. 

Not even in the crisp cold of fall does the wind rustle through the trees, everything is silent.

The haunting nature around you seems to hold its breath as if it knows you're an unwelcome intruder who has trespassed too far.

You don’t dare peer into the trees which look taller in the darkness, closing in tightly on the dirt road. They are ghastly silhouettes of their former selves blocking any moonlight to help guide your way. 

You shiver as you feel as if you are being watched from a distance.

The only noise you hear is the soft crunching of rocks and leaves beneath your feet with every unsure step you take forward. 

You can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread as a stray tear runs down your cheek.

You couldn’t get to Toji soon enough. 

Though you still didn’t have any service the GPS updated as much as it could in roaming, you were so close.

As you continue forward a shadow on the path catches your eye in the foggy distance. 

Your heart quickens as you inch closer, your anticipation mingling with fear.

Shapes soon begin to take form and the harsh reality dawns upon you.

A pack of wolves. 

Their shadowy figures coalesce before you through the fog as they take stock of you.

You start to feel queasy as you see their red-stained muzzles dripping with the blood of their latest kill. The grotesque carcass of a deer practically stripped to the bone lay lifeless under their enormous paws. 

Their eyes, fierce and predatory, meet yours with a chilling intensity as the feeble beam of your flashlight washes over them. The deer, although large, you know is not enough to quell hunger from beasts of their size.

With a shaky breath you slowly retreat, not wanting to further agitate their already aggravated predatory senses. 

Then you hear it.

From what seems to be the darkest reaches of the night, a sound reverberates from the trees, through the forest and beyond that's unlike anything you've ever heard before. 

The howl that tears through the stillness is so chilling you instantly feel the lamentation that carries the weight of centuries of primal power down in the very marrow of your bones.

Even the wolves snap their heads to attention and bow their heads as if the sound announced the presence of a creature much higher on the food chain... something more ancient and malevolent…

...something terrifyingly unhuman.

The body racking shiver you experience is so intense it has you sprinting at full speed before your mind, frozen from fear, can even process you are moving. 

You burst through the dense trees, leaving the road as your heart pounds like a drum in your chest and tears stream freely down your cheeks to soak the edge of Toji’s sweatshirt.

The tangled underbrush of the forest whips the soft skin of your legs and the forest itself seems to conspire against you as you navigate the obstacle course of branches, logs and large rocks all seemingly with a mission to slow you down.

You can hear the chilling howls of the wolves you saw on the road call out behind you, giving chase. 

The sounds of their footfalls grow closer with every passing second.

Terrifying as they are, they hold no candle against the howl that sent you running and your body continues to propel you forward. 

Panic frazzles your senses and you make the tragic error of trying to steal a glance back behind you before directly colliding with a large cedar.

Groaning from the impact you reel as you try to gather yourself, clinging to the tree for support. 

You hear a twig snap behind you and you whirl around as you are faced with a largest gray wolf out of the pack who had been chasing you. 

The alpha wolf’s teeth glint menacingly as their breath escapes in visible puffs in the frigid night air. 

Too late to try to make a run for it again, you whimper as you resign yourself to your fate. You slid down the large tree to bury your face in your knees.

Was this it?

Was this how you died?

You weren’t even able to see Toji after coming all this way. 

You also wanted to be able to hug Megumi one last time and maybe knock the daylights out of Tsukumo for her horrible ass idea. 

But ultimately this was all your fault. 

You could be snuggled up with Gumi on the sofa with snacks watching Anpanman but your dumbass had to go galavanting off into the middle of the woods like a fucking lunatic and now you’re about to be eaten by a wolf.

You could feel the wolf’s overbearing presence as it approached you but you couldn’t bear to look up. You’d rather spend your final moments thinking of Toji and Megumi. 

Yet despite your impending doom, your head did snap up once you felt a rough tongue gently lick your ankles and curiously sniff at the ends of Toji's hoodie covering your legs. 

The wolf was more than intimidating up close as its giant muzzle was the size of your entire head.

However the wolf regarded you cautiously like it almost recognized you before releasing its own chillingly deep howl and promptly running off.

Wait– T-The hell?!

You sat there at the trunk of the tree trying to process the interaction that just took place but you didn’t have much time to ponder as you heard something else approaching you rapidly.

The sound of snapping twigs and heavy, uneven footfalls don’t seem to be that of a wolf, renewing the sensation of dread through your body. 

Your heart races in your chest as the ominous sounds of the being looming evermore closer become more pronounced.

From the shadows emerges a monstrous figure.

The fog doesn’t reach this deep into the forest and the moonlight that peeks between the trees glimmers on its enlarged taut muscles. 

Its eyes, red, burn like fiery amber. 

Fierce and resolute you can see them pierce through the darkness long before you can make out any features of the creature's face.

What you think upon first glance must be a demonic apparition from your worst nightmares ends up being– 

Toji?!

As he steps into a beam of moonlight, the transformation before you is complete. 

Toji’s once-human and feet hands have become formidable claws with nails like blades, his face remains mostly unchanged with the exception of his mouth which in his snarl reveals rows of gleaming, razor-sharp teeth.

He is still mostly human in appearance but you can tell he stands taller, nearly 8 feet.

The thicker body hair on his forearms bristles with raw power.

He was completely bare save for the tattered jeans barely hanging on his body that had torn from the sheer size of his enormous muscularity in this form.

Each step he takes towards you makes your heart skip a beat yet you stare transfixed, unable to look away and your tears increase.

Was this terrifying otherworldly apparition the boyfriend you had been searching for?

Time stands still in that haunting moment as Toji’s eyes bore into your soul with a predatory intensity. 

His hunger and primal instincts radiates off of him like a palpable force. 

“T-T-Toji?” 

You cautiously inquire through your quiet sobs. 

“Y/N?! What the fuck do you think y’er doing out here?” 

Toji snarls back at you. His growl seems to cause the very atmosphere to vibrate and the earth beneath you quakes as your body involuntarily quivered with fear. 

Toji thought he must have been losing his goddamn mind when he caught onto your scent earlier but here you were like a lost little lamb to the slaughter before him.

He came out onto the woods to be alone, away from civilization and away from you and Megumi during his monthly transformations. 

It was safer that way, for all of you.

You had been fortunate the local wolf pack had acknowledged him as their Alpha and recognized his scent on you.

But there were far worse dangers in the forest besides them.

Toji wouldn’t be able to protect you like he was now. 

Not with you needing protection from him too.

Protection from him as not only was it a full moon, it was a harvest moon, a mating moon. 

The primal urge to rip you apart was only truncated by the more intense carnal urge to mate with you. Toji wanted to claim you as his and fuck you so hard into the girthy cedar behind you the entire tree would topple over by its roots.

He had wanted to claim you as his mate for a while now.

Even moved you in with him and Megumi as the final step but you couldn’t wait for that, could you? 

You had managed to track him somehow all the way out here and throw his whole plan into the shitter. 

He could barely control himself in this form as it is and now your scent, blubbering cries and the fucking harvest moon were sending him with full force into a fierce rut. 

“T-Toji w-what is this!? W-what’s happened to you!? W-what are you doing out here?!” 

Worry saturates your voice as you choke out your questions in rapid fire cries not giving him time to even respond.

Toji fights the predatory instinct in him who sees you as his prey and if your gaze wasn’t so focused on trying to read his face for answers you surely would have noticed him fully bricked near bursting out of his worn jeans.

You looked so appetizing. 

He needed you.

However, Toji could tell your nerves were completely shot and the slightest twitch of his muscles toward you had you almost jumping out of your skin like a little bunny rabbit.

“Y-Y/N…” 

His voice strained itself into a murmur as he attempted to do his best to lull you into some sort of security so he could explain things calmly to you.

Yet the way he was near salivating, drool dripping from his canines as he panted and towered over you did anything but make you feel secure. 

You mistook his lust for bloodthirstiness.

“Just calm down. It’s OK.”

Toji needed you to be calm like he needed you to take steadier breaths if he was going to successfully win the tumultuous war he was fighting against his instincts to pounce on you. 

There is an oppressive tension between the two of you and he can tell you are also fighting against your fight or flight reflexes.

Good girl. 

It would be disastrous if you did something foolish, no telling what might happen then.

But unfortunately for the both of you, your fits of emotion and impulses are what had your crazy ass out here in the first place. 

The pressure had officially gotten to you. 

Toji’s lies, your car, the woods, the wolves, everything leading up to this point bubbled over because the last thing you wanted to be told right now was to ‘just calm down’.

You snapped. 

“Ok? OK?! OKAY?!...TOJI WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THIS IS O.K. RIGHT NOW!?”

You were practically hysterical as you yelled at him, momentarily forgetting your fears of Toji’s new form.

The trigger of being told to 'calm down' in a situation where you clearly had every right to feel every fucking emotion you wanted won out over everything else.

“MY CAR BROKE DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT WITH WHOEVER THE FUCK OUT HERE, I LITERALLY WAS JUST CHASED BY WOLVES, ALMOST EATEN, AND Y-YOU… Y-YOU-”

A crackling snap came from above you and you realized Toji’s claws had completely ripped a large chunk out of the tree right above your head.

Your tantrum had in turn pushed him over the edge as well. 

His irises flared intensely at you as you quivered under his gaze in fear.

He would have you but first, he would play with you a bit.

Things never happened the easy way with you.

Yet, that’s also exactly the way Toji liked it too. That's why he'd put up with you thus far.

A malevolent smirk dons Toji's features as his simple command issues an unsettling tremor running down into the depths of your being.

“Run.”

P2 HERE!

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ

A/N: Count on Tsukumo to always given the wrong fuckin’ advice. Lmfao! Or was it the right advice in this case? Hmm we will see what happens next!

Smutty goodness in the next part. This part was just to set the horror mood!

I promise this fic isn't as nearly as long as Ghostface!Choso. It's looking to be about 8k total and I have 3.5k of P2 finished lol.

Reblog if you are both submissive and breedable for Werewolf!Toji, but likes and comments are appreciated all the same!

ღTaglistღ:

@callm3senpaii @arxliana @jujutsualy @luxiethefairy @fredswh0re @missphanosaur18 @moon-esque @briefrebelfanalmond @nikkitc0703 & @dancingwithdeities (prone bone coming in p2 just for u sweets!) LMK below if you would like to be tagged in P2. For all kizzatober fic tags comment on m.list.

[p1utofairy]

PICK A CARD: “sixteen carriages drivin' away – while i watch them ride with my fears away…”

★ what will this spring be like for you?

NOTE: i love doing these y'all :,) it always makes me realize how interconnected we all are at the end of the day. just beautiful stuff. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. enjoy!

PILE 1.

hey pile one! i see the beginning of spring started out pretty great for you. there's some communication coming from someone that's been on your mind for awhile now. you could've suddenly ghosted this person or they could’ve ghosted you, but i see you finally gaining some clarity about the situation and finding common ground with this person. you might find this person to be *a bit* much…in terms of how they approach you and just pop back into your life as if nothing happened and there wasn't a pause in this connection – but you can't deny the chemistry between you two. it's like should i stay or should i go?

you're very indecisive and frazzled about this situation, but you need to trust your gut and see the situation for what it is and not what you want it to be. if you know it’s not worth it, let it go. if you feel in your heart that this relationship is salvageable then give it a go…ultimately it's up to you because this person is all in. hopelessly devoted to you by olivia newton-john just came to mind (that's you) and then next to you by bryson tiller also started playing in mind (that's the person you're thinking of) *sigh* you two are really caught between a rock and a hard place.

i think the biggest problem is that they love to talk a good game, but can they back it up with their actions? you need stability, pile 1! don't just accept any and everything for the sake of company and romance – you can always find someone that will follow through and provide you with the love and care that you desire/deserve. i see this dilemma being a big theme throughout the springtime, it might be cliché to say but weigh the pros and the cons that comes with this person – and if the cons outweigh the pros then you know what to do! ultimately, you will prevail.

i can honestly see you getting yourself back out there and receiving some love offers, and that person not liking it. they're really going to try to compete and "make it up to you" i'm hearing lol there's a bit of a love triangle vibe going on here. a little sneaky part of you might enjoy this cat and mouse game and the fight for your attention hehe i'm hearing tell your girlfriend by lay bankz BYEEEE you're definitely giving main character energy, as you should. just make sure you're making the right choices!

PILE 2.

hiii pile 2, what's going on my loves? it feels like you'll be starting off walking on eggshells a little bit. i think you're tired of being let down and disappointed, especially when it comes to love. your energy feels tense like you already can sense it coming, but what i want you to do is breath and relax…put the guns down babe. i feel like some of y'alls trauma/past wounds are preventing you from seeing what exactly is on the horizon – which is everything you've ever wanted. it's like the concept of love and being in a solid relationship has been a big grey area for you for a long time, and you're exhausted from the constant fear of someone breaking your trust or getting your hopes up just to let them down.

y'all are very intuitive pile 2 and i know y'all can see more than what meets the eye – so right off the rip if someone is approaching you, you can already peep what kind of agenda/motivation that they have. now this is an amazing ability to have, but you also have to make sure you're at least giving the person a chance before immediately writing them off. when you know, you know. energy never lies and when you peep a vibe, 99.9% of the time your suspicions will be confirmed in some way, shape or form. TRUST YOUR GUT. however, you should open your heart to the limitless possibilities and understand that what will be, will be, my loves. if something doesn't sit right with you, then don't feel afraid to walk away and let it go. you're stronger than you think, and that's exactly why you shouldn't just allow anyone into your space. it seems rough and lonely now, but by may i definitely see some rewarding changes coming in. you might have some options but i don't see them cutting it for you lol i can see you being like mmm eliminated, eliminated and ELIMINATED! i know that's right! it's like you’re weeding out your garden and making room for even more beautiful flowers to grow.

some of the seeds you have planted will manifest this spring, and i see a particular romantic relationship blossoming. it's like there was this pause in your life and then here comes this dreamy ass person just waltzing right into your life, after all those tests, trials and tribulations. you're gonna be so happy and thankful that you didn't settle for less, pile 2. i'm genuinely so excited for y'all <3 awww this person is literally a blessing that you have been waiting on for a longgg time. you'll realize that everything happens for a reason and there was no reason to worry in the first place, because this was always destined to be. 10:10 on the clock <3 love y'all.

PILE 3.

pile 333 it looks like you might be starting off with a lot on your plate, my loves. you might be juggling school, work, hobbies, hanging out with friends, working out – honestly you're just tryna squeeze in some personal time within this tight schedule. it's been hard on you because you feel like you have your hands tied with so many things…people want you to be everywhere at once, and you simply can't do that.

you ultimately have to do what makes you happy, no matter what and i see you realizing that as you progress throughout the spring. one of your parents or family members might be extremely tough on you, this person might live vicariously through you and it stresses you tf out. you feel like you have to carry this burden that they put on you just because they're family, but guess what? you don’t. pour back into yourself, pile 3. you have so many dreams, plans and goals that you don’t speak about to other people but you need to share your gifts with the world. you will be blessed as you embark on this new journey! will it be easy? maybe not but will it be necessary? ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY. go for it, please. your guides want you to know that you'll be supported as you navigate and try to figure out ways to get these ideas out there and put into motion. you're truly beyond creative and talented, wow.

you're a visionary! so many nights you've cried wondering how and when you will be released from these restraints and be free. your spirit guides want you to know that you have the key, my loves. use it. there's sunshine waiting for you at the end of the tunnel <3 and anyone who has ever mistreated you, or put you down will truly regret it and become so bitter and bewildered that you got away from their negative energy and hatefulness. you will meet people along the way that will truly love you and support you unconditionally. you will start to live your life this spring, pile 3. spread your wings.

PILE 4.

hey pile 4! i think this spring you're going to come to a realization about something in regards to a romantic (or platonic for some) connection. if this is platonic, then you and this person must be REALLYYYY close, like best friends. this person is not being 100% honest with you, and you've been suspecting in the back of your mind that they are hiding something from you. i see them coming clean about whatever it is or someone might expose them and you'll be like I KNEW IT…it's sad though because the betrayal feels pretty deep.

this person might try to make it up to you, and try to smooth things over – but be very careful with that because i feel like they're no stranger to gaslighting and manipulating people. it's giving a 3rd party situation either they were cheating (if this is romantic) or they were talking shit on you with other people (if this is platonic) either way what they did is fucked up and they know that but they think you're naive enough to forgive them and move on.

see the situation for what it is and move accordingly, pile 4. you need to reevaluate the ones closest to you, and see if these are really the type of people you want around you. you're going to be elevating this spring, and not everyone is going to like that. i see you doing your own thing and just being the most authentic version of yourself with no fucks to give! let this be your green light to not let anyone hold you back with their lies and deception, you are going to rise above this situation and feel so refreshed once you see this person for who they truly are. i can see you taking on a new hobby, engaging in a passion project and/or just deep-diving and learning more about yourself/what you like. it's very much needed, pile 4. let it happen by tame impala is the vibe for you this spring hell yeah YOU GOT THIS.

[marjorie189]

Solo Trip (A Jude Bellingham Imagine)

Jude Bellingham x Mexican!femreader

It's specifically a Mexican reader but there's cute Jude moments on here I think everyone should have a read at :)

Part 2

contains: social media au & text messages!

wc: 6,571 (in total of pt. 1 & 2)

summary: Y/N goes away on a trip to Mexico much to Jude's dismay!

includes: suggestive content and sexting!

~

I don't see much love for us Mexican and Brown girlies on here so I must deliver 🫡 I honestly had SO much fun writing and creating this, I hope you all enjoy it! I really connected to this post and poured out all my love and devotion to it!

~

“Babe, I think I want to go on a trip,” I blurted out, as Jude and I both chilled on the living room couch. 

Jude was laying down beside me, as I sat comfortably. He looked up from his phone, locking his eyes with mine. His feet softly grazing my thigh. 

“Yeah? Where should we go?” He asked sweetly, curious as to our next trip. 

“Well, I meant me.” I clarified. 

“What?” He baffled, his eyebrows scrunching together, now sitting up. 

I turned over, holding in my laughter at his reaction.

“What do you mean?” He questioned, closing the gap between us on the coach. 

“You’re so cute when you’re confused,” I smiled, letting out a giggle, as I traced his cheek with my hand. 

His big brown eyes  bore into mine as they waited for an answer. 

“There’s going to be a festival in Mexico to start off the spring season. It’s a pretty big deal and my cousins from over there were inviting me to go,” I explained, in hopes that he’d be on board with the idea. 

“Oh.” He replies, scooting back leaving some space between us. 

I frown at the lost touch of his presence and his dull bland response. 

He clears his throat and contemplates whether or not he should go back on his phone as he processes his girlfriend’s words. 

“Jude?” I say, moving closer to him, placing my hand under his knee. Softly roaming around his skin. 

His eyes flicker back over to me. 

He lets out a sigh and his head falls back. 

I stopped my roaming hand that was now on his broad thigh.  

“What’s wrong, baby?” I ask softly, looking at his head that was laying on the far end of the couch. 

I grab ahold of his soft hand with mine and place them against my lips. Peppering small kisses on them. 

Butterflies erupted in Jude’s stomach from the continuous touch of his girlfriend and her loving low voice. 

“No, nothing’s wrong baby,” He finally voices, restablishing our eye contact. 

“Then what is it?” I caringly ask. 

Jude melts at Y/N’s  puppy dog eyes which she probably doesn’t even know she has. 

“It’s nothing.” He reiterates. 

“Jude! Come on,” I give him a knowing look. 

Jude grumbles and lets out an annoyed  laugh knowing he can’t fool his girl. 

I raised a brow at him, ready for him to fess up. 

Jude wasn’t the type to say “no” to his girlfriend. He wasn’t controlling in a toxic way nor did he ever stop her from doing something she wanted to. 

Y/N wasn’t asking for Jude’s permission, she never felt that way so she knew that wasn’t it. 

“I don’t know. I just feel weird because that’s a whole different part of your life that I don’t know about. You’ve mentioned your trips to Mexico before but you’ve never been since we’ve started dating,” He slowly confessed. 

I nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah babe, I know.” 

Jude was glad Y/N understood. 

“That’s exactly why my cousins are begging me to go. It’s always so fun when we all get together and it’s been forever  since we’ve last seen each other,” I explain. 

Of course Jude has met Y/N’s family like her uncles, aunts, cousins, grand-parents all family members that lived in the same country as them. But never her extended family that far out, so he was apprehensive about it. 

Of course it was her family, but it had him on edge. 

“Well are your parents going or y/b/n &  y/s/n?” He asked. 

I shook my head. “Nope, just me. But it’s okay Jude. I’ve been there before, trust me, it’s like my second home. You don’t have to worry.” I tried to console, but really it just irked him. 

“I don’t really know. I’d just feel more comfortable if your parents or siblings were there,” He shrugged. 

I sighed. 

“Well, what is it about me going that’s got you all worked up?” I inquired. 

“Well for starters what are you going to be doing there? Are you just going to be there with cousins or with other people? Also, where are you going to be staying?” He eagerly revealed. 

“Well it’s a small rancho and the festival is going to be in the pueblo. So-” I was saying, trying to respond to his questions before he cut me off. 

“I don’t know those terms,” He brattily exclaims. He’s sitting with his legs sprawled out on the coach as his upper body laid back on the arm rest. 

His tone hit a nerve. I breathed in, trying to be as patient as I could.

“Well you could ask nicely about it instead of interrupting me,” I scolded. 

He stayed silent, knowing he could’ve been better, but kept his poker face on. 

I very visibly rolled my eyes at him before continuing. 

“Pueblo is the main town, but it’s small so everyone knows each other. Rancho is where most of the people reside and have their homes. There are many different ranchos all around. Some of them are bigger than others,” I try to explain. 

I look straight at him and he barely gives a nod. 

“Can I continue what I was saying now?” I pettily asked him, now that I was done explaining terms to him. 

“Please, go on,” He insists, almost too nicely. 

I let out an annoyed hum before continuing. 

“The festival is going to be in the Pueblo on the weekend. There’s going to be bailes, which means dances before you interrupt again, leading up to the weekend and the day of. There’s going to be live bands everywhere and cabalgatas, which are trails of people on horses.” I describe. 

“So you’re going to be there for the weekend?” Jude asks, thinking to himself: not too bad. 

“No, for a week,” I responded. 

“A week?!” He yells, his thick accent coming through, straightening himself in his seat again. 

“Yes, a week, Jude!” I sternly repeat, sitting across from him. 

He crosses his arms like a baby. I almost wanted to let out a cackle. 

“For what? Your festival is going to be on the weekend. Why would you possibly need to be there for so long?” He beckons sassily.

“Hmm, I don’t know Jude.” I question aloud to myself. “Maybe to visit my grandparents and spend some quality time with them. Or also hmm, let me think. The cousins I’m going to be spending my time with, let me just party with them and dip the next day. No! I’m going to spend time with the family that I don’t get to see often,” I exclaim, getting frustrated with the way he’s acting. 

“So you’re going to be partying in Mexico?” He asks in a serious tone. 

“Are you being serious? Is that all you got from what I just said?” I huffed, spreading my legs, not daring to touch his that were mere centimeters away from mine. 

Jude lifts his brow, waiting for my response. 

“Of course I’m going to be partying Jude! That’s the point of the festival, it’s in celebration of spring,” I exasperated.  

“That’s a load of crap. What do you mean in celebration of spring?” He scoffs. 

“It’s tradition. It’s on the weekend of Easter so it’s an important weekend,” I flatly say. 

Jude could tell that Y/N was getting angry. He doesn’t blame her though, he was acting like a big baby. She never acted the way he was acting right now when he had to travel all the time or with his busy schedule. 

“You never answered my other questions,” Jude lets out, in a genuine tone this time. 

“Well I could’ve since the beginning if you would’ve just let me,” I state, slightly looking away from him. 

He wanted to blurt out an apology but didn’t. 

I started, “I’m staying at my grandparents' home, where my (choose parent) grew up. My aunts and uncles live nearby too, as well as my cousins. At the festival I’m going to be with my cousins and their friends. Which I’ve befriended in the past. Like I said, it's a small town so everyone knows each other.” 

“Guy friends?” Jude inquires, with a look. 

“Jude, is this what this is about?” I rolled my eyes.

“Partly yes. I just don’t know your history over there.  Is there something I should know about or be worried about?” He remarks. 

“Jude are you being serious?” I hissed. 

“Very!” He exclaims loudly, swinging his arms in motion. 

“I should’ve known,” I grunt, rolling my eyes. 

I get off of the couch, ready to walk away. Steam blows out of my ears as I storm past him. 

Jude sits up and pulls me back before I was out of his reach, landing me on his lap. 

“I just don’t want a Mexican guy trying to win over your heart,” He whispers into my neck. My back pressed against his chest. 

“You’re annoying,” I murmur, facing away from him. 

Jude only tightens his grip around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Nuzzling himself into my shoulder. 

I try to pull away from him but he just elongates his hold. 

I roll my eyes at him, sitting still in his embrace, knowing he can feel my stiffness against his touch.

“Just because of this I’m going to play along with all the guys trying to get my attention.” I proclaim. 

Jude unknowingly loosens his grip at the words. 

“And trust me when I say there’s a whole lot of them.” I taunt, getting up from his now ungripped hold. 

I walk away from him and go into our room. 

I grab my laptop and start looking for upcoming flights. 

@yourusername posted a story 

Jude was giving Y/N her space knowing that’s what she needed right now. 

He was mindlessly scrolling on twitter, trying to get his mind off things when something caught his eye. 

Immediately eyeing the room Y/N was in. 

He quickly went on Y/N’s instagram account not believing his eyes. 

He could give less fucks about her using his card. He didn’t actually believe that she bought a ticket. 

Sure he knew she was going regardless, but they just had an argument about it. 

Jude barged into their room, Y/N was on her phone, laying in bed, acting as if Jude didn’t just abruptly enter their bedroom. 

“Did you just buy a ticket?” Jude presses in shock. 

I hum in response.

See I had it planned all along once I had entered the room. 

I posted the laptop, which showed me browsing through flights and Jude’s credit card. That clearly revealed his name, blocking out his numbers. 

Once I snapped a photo with Jude’s card, I bought the plane ticket with my own banking account. Just using Jude’s card for the photo. But he doesn’t know that. 

I knew the story was going to gain a lot of traction and would somehow land on Jude’s socials.

 Which it quickly did because he’s in the room now, a couple minutes after my post. 

“Did you actually Y/N?” He asked, and I could tell he was asking seriously. 

I looked up at him. 

“Yes. I did.” I reply nonchalantly. 

“Are you being serious right now?” He asks, still in question. 

“Yes Jude, how many times do I have to repeat myself?!” I huff. 

“Oh okay, now” He nods . “I see how we’re doing this.” He says angrily. Inching closer to the bed where I laid. 

“Yeah, that’s how we’re doing it because when I tried talking to you about it you just couldn’t hear me out!” I say, finally yelling out. After trying to stay calm. 

“You’re right and I’m sorry,” He apologies, standing right by me. “I should’ve been more open. I just got jealous knowing that there’s going to be guys there that are going to want you. I mean come on, you know that. Look at you!” He exclaims. “Plus they’ve known you way before I did. It just makes me feel some type of way.” He frowns. 

I blush at his remark. 

“I’m sure there’s guys who are waiting for your arrival and it boils my blood because you’re mine, Y/N!” Jude blurts out. 

I sit up and reach up to his tall figure, placing my arm around Jude’s shoulder. He leans down at my touch as his eyes melt into mine. 

I pull his face down upon mine and lean into him. Fluttering my eyes closed and pressing my lips against his. He softly let his lips flow with mine. 

He let himself fall onto the bed, on top of me. 

“You could’ve led with that,” I say, pulling apart from his lips as I wrap my arms around his upper back. 

“I know. I’m such an idiot!” Jude proclaims as he falls deeper into my arms. 

His lips pressed against my cheek. 

“You own my heart Jude. There’s no one I would rather be with!” I whisper, placing my hands on his cheeks and pressing his lips on mine. 

He let himself fall into our kiss. 

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him in closer, passionately deepening our kiss. 

Jude’s hand roams through my hair that’s sprawled out on the sheets. The other is placed on my face, caressing my cheeks with his soft fingers. 

“I love you Jude!” I murmured in between our kisses. “And just because there’s guys who want me, they don’t matter because I want you!” I emphasize, pressing my nose on his. 

“Okay, thank you.” Jude nods, knowing he has nothing to worry about, pecking my lips. 

~

@y/n reposted a tiktok

(translation: you don’t need therapy, you need to go to jerez, zacatecas for Saturday of Glory {name of festival} )

Comments under tiktok: 

@.judes.lover is this where y/n was referring to on her insta story? 

@.soccerwag not y/n reposting this tiktok!!!

@.bellingol I’d actually love to see y/n in this environment we all know she’s got it in her

@.vini&judenum1fan I knew she was mexican but not this mexican (in a good way) love her even more now!

@.madridster I just need to know what jude thinks bc we all know jude has no clue what’s going on (coming from a mexican girly) 

@.mrs.bellingham Love that jude is with a cultured girl 

@.y/nsupporter I didn’t know I needed jude to be with a Mexican until now!!!

@.maridfanatic Not all the comments being about jude and y/n

@.guy-attending-the-event It’s going to be my mission finding y/n and asking her to dance. I know for a fact she hasn’t danced to banda since dating Jude

~

A couple of days have gone by since Y/N bought her ticket to Mexico and her trip was coming up soon. 

Jude was scrolling through tiktok when he came across a video of someone speaking of Y/N’s upcoming trip. 

Jude and Y/N were used to people making posts about them so it didn’t come as a surprise to Jude. Especially since it was made known that Y/N was going on a trip, due to the story post and tiktok repost. 

The video played out of a girl speaking, “Guys, look at what I just found! So we all know Y/N reposted this video on tiktok where you can clearly see crowds of people in Mexico.” The tiktok started and began playing the video Y/N reposted. “You can see the people in the video wearing typical Mexican apparel such as the tejanas (cowboy hats) which most of them are wearing.” The girl who posted the video said. 

“So, I got curious as to what all these people were doing just standing there and what the big deal is because that video got 30,000 likes. I searched up the place and the festival and if Y/N really is going there. Look at what she’s going to be doing.” The girl closed off the statement before playing a video she found. 

Jude watched the video that was played. 

Video: 

Jude was pretty surprised at how everyone partied at this festival based on the video. He didn’t know it was that intense and hard. But he trusted Y/N to take care of herself, he knew she was responsible and wouldn’t put herself in a situation he needed to worry about. But of course he still would. 

Jude opened up the comments of the tiktok. 

Comments: 

@.user.name Dude I swear jude better be careful y/n’s going to have the time of her life!!

@.judextrent Is jude going too or just y/n cause i can’t picture jude there 

@.amexicangirl’saccount y/n is better than me cause i would fall to my knees at the sight of a tall handsome charro

The last comment caught Jude’s attention and saw that that comment had a lot of likes and replies. 

He pressed view replies under that comment. 

@.amexicangirlsaccount y/n is better than me cause i would fall to my knees at the sight of a tall handsome charro

@.user<3 Same!! It has to be their attire because girllll 

@.user1My man is a charro and whenever he puts on his fits i remember why i fell for him all over again and whenever we dance and he has charro outfit it’s EVERYTHING 

@.girlsname You’re lucky that’s my dream! 

Jude didn’t even realize Y/N was out of the shower and in the room, he was so invested in these last comments. 

Y/N’s POV:

I had just walked into the room after my shower, to find Jude deep in his phone. 

The device being too close to his face, brows interlinked, and his skin perplexed. 

“Are you okay?” I asked concerned. 

He looked up from his phone, looking at me petrified. 

“How’d you get in here?” He asked, puzzled. I guess he realized how his question sounded as I furrowed my brows. 

“I mean, sorry, I just didn’t see you enter,” He fumbled his words. 

“Ok?” I say, confused. 

I sat on my vanity, my back facing Jude. 

I applied moisturizer on my face. Through the mirror I saw Jude turning off his phone and placing it on the bed beside him. 

He seemed like he was pondering. 

As I was grabbing my hair brush, I heard Jude ask, “Baby, what is a charro?” from behind me. 

I turned around in my seat, baffled by his random question, gaping at him. 

I didn’t even know how to approach his question. Do I ask where he heard the word from or just answer his thought? 

“I just watched this video of a girl speaking about your trip and where you’d be going. I was reading the comments and they mentioned it. I was just curious as to what that meant,” He tried playing it off smoothly. 

I couldn’t help but laugh at the calmness of his voice, knowing he was eager to know the answer. 

I grabbed the brush and went to sit next to him in bed. 

He looked at me ready for my response. 

I couldn’t help but smile. 

“You’re so funny Jude, I swear.” I say as my smile got bigger. 

“Look here’s the video,” He said, handing me his phone. 

I watched as the girl depicted the video I reposted and went onto show the video she found of the festival. 

“Not them doing research on where I’m going,” I smiled, interested in the video. 

“Literally, I didn’t even think of doing that.” He spoke, raising his brow. 

I chuckled. 

“You know how passionate they are,” I smile. 

“You don’t gotta tell me twice!” He mumbled, making me giggle. “I’m just glad they love you because I wouldn’t be able to stand it if they didn’t.” He says turning over to press his lips on mine. Melting at his soft peck. 

“So, what about charros?” I ask, going back to the original question. 

“Yeah, what are they?” He asked inquisitively. 

“They’re guys who are dressed in a certain attire, who practice a certain horseback lifestyle. It’s more of like a hobby but some take it more seriously than others. They do tricks on horses, It’s pretty cool!” I explained. 

Jude intakes the information and nods. 

“Why?” I ask, noticing his serious intake to it. “What were the comments?” Bringing up the comments he mentioned earlier. 

Jude pulled up the comments and showed them to me. 

“Are you serious, Jude?” I laugh looking at the comments, not taking him seriously. 

“What?” He asked with a shrug. “I was just curious!”

“Okay, buddy,” I hum, knowing his slight jealous and possessive tendencies. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He says, looking away. 

I smile at him, leaning closer to him kissing his jaw. 

“I have Jude Bellingham, I don’t need a charro,” I whisper seductively, pressing a kiss underneath his ear. 

My hand was placed on the other side of his face, lightly scratching his sideburns. 

Jude relaxed against my touch but I couldn’t let him down that easily. 

“Plus I already had a charro,” I hum with a smirk. 

He immediately tenses under my touch and turns around to face me, pushing me away from him. 

I start dying of laughter falling back onto the bed. 

“I’m kidding!” I say as the tears start brimming in my eyes, from my constant laughter. 

“I hate you, you know that?” He says annoyed, getting off the bed. 

I sit up and he starts walking away.

I get up on the bed and jump on his back, wrapping my legs around his waist. 

I put my arms around his neck but he doesn’t hold me up, ignoring my touch.

“You don’t hate me, you love me!” I laugh as I place my head on his shoulder. 

“No.” He murmurs as he walks out the room as if I wasn’t on him. 

I started messing around with him, my hand grabbing onto his chin and squishing it as I moved his face around.

We got to the living room and he threw me on the couch. 

I laugh my butt off as he just stands over my body tally. 

“You’re just so fun to rattle up baby and it doesn’t help that you make it so easy!” I laugh. 

“Whatever!” He mutters, turning around and walking away. 

I slap his ass that’s in perfect view from my position on the couch, knowing it’ll get him more mad.. 

“I love you Judey!” I loudly exclaim as he ignores me, continuing to walk away. 

~

The next weekend came around and I was packing my luggage. 

Jude was watching me from the bed. 

“I’m going to miss you while you’re gone baby!” Jude frowned from the bed. 

I turned away from my clothes to his whining, smiling. 

“Maybe I should go away more often so you can pay me with all this love!” I teased. 

I continued folding my clothes and packing it all away. 

“I can’t wait to get all these guy’s attention too!” I say getting up from where the luggage was placed. 

I could feel Jude’s glare on me. 

I tried holding in my smile as I looked over at him. 

He was death glaring me. 

“You know you think you’d be used to it by now,” I smile at him. 

“No, Y/N. Why would I get used to you saying you’re waiting for other guys' attention?” He grimaced. 

“Because you know it’s a joke!” I laugh. 

“Still don’t see me laughing,” He says with the most serious tone ever.

I chuckled at him. “Ok babe,” I say dismissing him. 

He stays silent. 

“It’s okay babe. Don’t worry I’ll spray our pillows with my perfume, so you can sniff it when you miss me,” I continue my teasing . 

“I’m keeping my favorite panties of yours!” He proclaims. 

“For what?” I say taken aback. 

“Don’t worry about it,” He smirks. 

“You’re gross!” I shudder in thought. 

Once I finished packing we both got ready for our dinner. 

“Just know I’m fucking you good before you leave. Reminding you of what’s waiting for you when you come back!” Jude exclaims from behind me, pressing his dick against my ass before walking out the door. 

“Have you bent over in this little dress after our reservation,” Jude says, bending me over from behind. 

“Jude!” I yell out, smacking his chest. 

@yourusername posted two new stories 

@judebellingham posted a story

It was now the next day and after a long wonderful night (thanks to Jude 😉) it was time to head to the airport. 

Jude grumbled in bed as I opened my eyes. I removed the bed covers off me ready to get out of bed until Jude pulled me into a little spoon. 

“Do you have to leave?” He mutters in his morning voice from behind. 

I frown at his request. 

“I promise the days will pass by in an instant,” I try to console. I intertwine my hand with his and press kisses on his soft skinned hand. 

He sighs from behind me before placing my hair aside so that he could lay in between my neck. 

I squirm at his touch causing him to giggle, which has me erupting in butterflies because of his beautiful laugh. 

I’m going to miss him more than anything while I’m gone. 

We both lay comfortably in silence and he tightens his grip around my figure. I don’t want him to let go, ever. 

~ 

@yourusername posted 2 new stories 

@yourusername

Liked by judebellingham and 256,376 others 

yourusername first day dump 🇲🇽 glad to be back ❣️

view all comments 

com1 viva mexico!!

com 2 ahhh she looks like a natural with the horse! that smile ☺️

jobebellingham have fun sissy!! ❤️

yourusername thanks jobey! 😘

judebellingham not too much fun….. kidding 👀

denisebellingham don’t listen to him darling! have an amazing time (away from him) 😉

judebellingham what mum? 

yourusername thanks denise and jobe will do 😌

judebellingham I hope you’re having a great first day love 🤍 

yourusername thanks love, I miss you 🫶

com3 that food looks so good! I’m hungry now 🤤

com4 those micheladas look so bomb!!

yourusername we never forget the miches 🍻

com4 bruh I can’t with Jude 😭 🤣

Message between Jude & Y/N

yourusername

Liked by trentarnold66, judebellingham, and 379,581 others

yourusername day ✌🏼

view all comments

com1 not trent in y/ns likes 😭

com2 girl what? I’m sure theyre friends 

com1acc yeah but notice how trent didn’t like her day one dump, considering the first pic of this one

judebellingham woah 🤩 (speaking of the first photo) you’re so hot! Are you single? 

yourusername sorry happily married 💍 

judebellingham damn what a bummer :( hope he’s a good husband 

yourusername the best 🤭

com3 i love how they’re not married but he still plays along with it 😆

com4 fr he’s so sweet 😭

vinijr come back we need jude in his full potential 

yourusername i shall be back soon 🫡

com5 i swear i’m no better than a man 🫣

com6 bellingham is a lucky man bc shes fine af 

com7 My respects to jude cause god dayum

Messages between Y/N & Jude

yourusername

liked by judebellingham, vinijr, and 311,405 others

yourusername we out tonight 👢day three 🎉 

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yourcousin bailes no son los mismos sin ti ✨ feliz que estés devuelta (dances aren’t the same without you ✨ glad you’re back) 

yourusername encantada de estar de vuelta 🤪 (glad to be back 🤪)

you2ndcousin y puro polvadero 😁 (translation: and pure dust) (meaning: that they were dancing so much that their boots caused dust to arise around them from the ground) 

yourusername claro 😌 (of course 😌)

com1 i saw her at the baile and lemme tell you girl can dance

judebellingham your outfit is so cute, so are you 😉 

yourusername you’re cuter though 🥰

judebelligham IMPOSSIBLE

judebellingham have fun! cause when you’re home you’re not leaving my arms 

yourusername sounds like a plan ☺️

com2 damn i wish i was y/n 😣

com3 same

Messages between Y/N and Jude

y/nusername

Liked by judebellingham, pesopluma, 290,958

y/nusername we’re chilling on our fourth day. a quick trip to the pueblo, horseback ride to el oxxo, but mostly basking in those rancho days 🌄

view all comments

pesopluma es todo 🇲🇽 (that’s everything 🇲🇽)

liked by y/nusername

com1 ariana what are you doing here?

com2 oof jude come get yo girl before she gets rizzed up by peso

com3 not him trying to hit on y/n after nikki 

com4 i mean i don’t blame him but our girl y/n cuffed up for life

com5 dude for real bc jude and her are EVERYTHING if they ever break up love isn’t real i swear

a-rancho-friend vente pa la cancha acá vamos a estar (come to the park we’re going to be here)

yourusername ay vamos!! (we’re going!!)

judebellingham yesss i’ve been awaiting your post they make my day 

yourusername we’re halfway there baby! Four more days and i’ll be back in your sweet arms that i desperately miss 

judebellingham i’m counting the days 🤞🏽

com6 her outfits are always so cute

com7 i love her riding to el oxxo

jobebellingham those tacos look delicious! sneak me some back to england! 🙏🏽

y/nusername come next time and i’ll show you all the great spots ☺️

jobebellingham deal!! 

a-charro-from-mexico cuando sabe andar a caballo 😮‍💨 (when she knows how to be on a horse 😮‍💨)

y/nusername posted two new stories

y/nusername

Liked by yourbff, judebellingham, and 298,475 others

yourusername cabalgatas are always so fun! Day five <3

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com1 she’s so beautiful i swear

Liked by judebellingham 

yourbff que hermosidad!! 😍 (what a beauty)

yourusername who me or the horse? 😊

yourbff both but def meant you hehe

judebellingham you know you really surprise me more and more everyday and i’m in love 🤩

yourusername i’m glad to hear 🥰

com2 as long as jude doesn’t look like bad bunny riding with kendall 😬

yourusername lol no if jude ever decides to want to ride a horse i’ll make sure he can ride on his own or be well experienced to have me ride with him

com3 i love y/n standing up to these comments

com4 i just don’t think y/n wants her man to be a meme 

com5 y/n missing jude so much she’s hugging the horse pretending it’s jude bc of the height difference 🤫

yourusername bahahahah @judebellingham imma have to start doing this now 

com6 ahh she just replied to your comment!! 

twitter going balístic:

~

Tumblr allows 30 pic per post so go to Part 2!!

taglist: @annab-nana @hoodpankow  @alaynahope14  @jeyramarie  @lemur46 @goldenroutledge @valluvsu @paleprincessturtle @hoelesslyt @drewsephrry @northernstarkey

~

All pics are from Pinterest!

Video was from TikTok!

[kenny-the-ken]

Imagine being high school sweethearts with kenny and quickly trying to have sex without getting caught because he’s so horny lmao like hes begging for some head round the back of the school lol

Don't Be Shy

I love love LOVE this request!!! Part 2 of YOU + ME and My Brother's Best Friend will hopefully be up by later tonight or tomorrow!! Please keep the requests coming guys, writing these are keeping me sane at the moment, the terrible twos are no joke 😭💀 AGED UP CHARACTERS!!

"Baby, please? Not even a quickie?" Kenny whined at you, as you continued to walk down the school corridor, shaking your head.

"No way, Ken. After school, yes of course, but in school where we could get caught? Nuh-uh!" You replied and he frowned, pouting his lips at you and trying his best to give you puppy dog eyes.

"But watching you in Physical Education babe, god and the fact you swore that skort too, it's so short and your boobs and ass looked incredible! Please?" And he was back once again on his tangent of begging and pleading with you, and he was starting to wear you down, and he knew it.

"Okay, what about, we don't have to have sex, but maybe even a quick blowie out the back where no one is during class times?" Kenny asked and you paused for a moment, seriously considering it.

"I'll think about it." Was all you said, before giving him a quick kiss on the lips and making your way to class.

He had a free period while you were in art, and having most of your work done, you decided to toy with your overly horny boyfriend.

Y/n: Hey Ken, can I ask you a question?

Kenny 🧡: Yeah baby, what's up?

Y/n: So I bought some new lingerie a few days back and I only got round to trying it on yesterday evening, I took a few pics for you, I just wanted your opinion on them.

Attachment: 5 images

Kenny opened them and his jaw dropped to his feet, you were so good at taking lude shots of yourself, and you knew this would drive him crazy, his cock was rock solid, and that's exactly what you wanted.

Kenny 🧡: I think I want you to wait for me in the disabled access toilet on the first floor.

And you smirked scanning his message before putting up your hand and asking to be dismissed to use the bathroom.

Unbeknownst to you, when you got there the door was locked, and you tried the handle a few times, before the person on the inside unlocked it, opened it enough for you to be pulled in by their hand and the door was locked again as Kenny pinned you to it.

"You think you're funny, hmm? Sending me those pictures of you looking like you were just waiting for me to come in and tear them off you and remind you who this pussy belongs to." He said, his hand going straight up your school skirt and right to your wet panties.

You let out a small moan at the contact and Kenny slowly pushed you to the floor on your knees, unbuckling his belt and pulling his jeans and boxers down, his large cock springing free and sitting against his stomach.

"Suck." Was all he said, grabbing your hair that was tied in a high pony and moving your face closer to his dick. You grabbed it with your hand, your tongue licking the bead of precum off the tip before hollowing your cheeks and taking him as best you could into your mouth.

Fuck this was just what Kenny needed, he'd been longing for you, your mouth, your pussy, anything as long as it was you. And his moans were deep and breathy, as you bobbed your head, staring up at him with a gaze of innocence.

"So pretty, Princess. Looking so innocent with your lips wrapped around my cock." Kenny moaned out, his hips bucking forward causing you to choke slightly, and he smirked.

"What's wrong, can't take it baby?" He teased before setting a quick pace with his hips bucking forward, you could feel his cock hitting the back of your throat, saliva and precum running down your chin, your hands on Kenny's thighs as you swallowed around him, earning a strangled moan from him.

"Fuck, your throat feels so good, what a little slut you really are." Kenny groaned once more, gasping as your hands cupped his balls, massaging them gently, your cheeks hollowing around him, sucking as best as you could, your eyes watering.

"Gonna make you look like a mess, slut." He moaned out, his hips quickening and his thrusts starting to become sloppy.

"Getting close, baby, gonna come in your mouth and you're gonna swallow everything I give you, understand?" Kenny asked, earned a hum from yourself in response as his grip tightened on your hair, moving your head quicker to meet his rough thrusts.

"F-Fuck, y/n!" Kenny moaned out, his vision going white as he came in your mouth, his back arching slightly, your head still bobbing up and down his over sensitive cock, milking every drop of cum from him, and swallowing, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand as you smirked up at him.

His hand cupped your face, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on your lips. "You have no idea the things I'm gonna do to you when we get back to my house." His voice was deep, and he offered you his hand to help you up, pulling you into a warm embrace.

"Thank you, baby. I love you." Kenny whispered into your ear, placing a kiss on your forehead before slapping you on the ass.

"Now get that pretty ass of yours back to class before we get in trouble." He said, and you laughed, a smile on your face, kissing your boyfriend before unlocking the door, sneaking out one after the other as Kenny walked you to your class, leaving you off with a kiss.

"I'll meet you at lunchtime." He said with a wink, before heading back to his free period.

Your teacher inquired as to why you had been gone for so long as you made up an excuse, saying you felt like you were going to be sick, but you and Kenny both knew that was was the furthest thing from the truth.

[atinyfeels]

ateez: he compares you to his ex [2]

『 pairing: bf!ateez x fem reader ╺ requested? yes ╺ genre: mostly angst, slight fluff 』

warnings: slight cursing, depression

word cout: 6.1k

notes: I ended up writing this while at work and I got carried away -C ╺ May 3rd: Yeosang’s has been completely rewritten - C

masterlist | part one

Seonghwa:

"y/n!" you heard someone call from behind you.

You didn't have to guess who it was, his voice was engraved in your mind. But that didn't mean you were planning on stopping for him. Pushing the door opened, you made your way outside and headed towards the parking lot. You were barely half way to your car when you felt someone grab your arm and turn you around.

Seonghwa stared at you, his face showing concern when he noticed your red puffy eyes. "I am so, so sorry."

You scoff and look away from him, "It's not exactly your fault. I pushed you to go out with me. I pressured you when you were vulnerable. I thought that I could be better for you, that you would be able to move on with me. But I guess I was just getting my hopes up."

Seonghwa was shaking his head at every word you said. He cupped your face with his hands and gently made you look up at him. "I have no excuse for what I said to you. But don't put yourself down for what I said to you. It was not okay for me to say those things to you, it was rude and obnoxious." You swallowed hard, and blinked away the tears that kept building up. "I have no more feelings for h/e/n, I promise you. The two of us are just friends. But you and I, we are much more than anything my ex and I had. Accepting your confession was the best thing that ever happened to me. I will do anything to make it up to you, I promise you."

You licked your lips and stayed silent for a moment, processing his words. "I just...I just need some time, Hwa. There are some things I need to think about. Is that okay?"

He nods quickly, "whatever you wish, take as much time as you need. I'll be right here whenever you're ready."

You leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. Once you pulled away, you gave him a small smile before turning around and leaving him in the parking lot.

It had been one week since you last spoke to Seonghwa. He kept his promise and gave you as much space as you needed. His missing presence made your home feel so lonely. The thoughts of endless movie nights on the couch and staying in bed together with your bodies entwined. The first night you stayed on the loveseat, not wanting to be in the large empty bed.

You spent most of your time by the window, either watching the spring rain fall or reading a book. It didn't matter what you did, Seonghwa was the only thing filling your mind. You weren't okay with what he had said to you. Nobody should be. You knew the pair was still friends, but they weren't close anymore. Once they broke up and agreed to be friends, there wasn't much contact between the two. But what Seonghwa said still hurt, for the first two months, he was had started drinking more and went partying most nights. Hongjoong felt like he had no control over him.

The rain was hitting against your window, the dark clouds made it seem like it was much later than 5 in the afternoon. You had just poured yourself a new glass of wine, ready to continue your book when your phone began to ring. Setting the glass down, you walked over the kitchen and picked the device up off the counter. Hongjoong was the only thing it said on the screen. This couldn't be good.

"Hello?"

"y/n!" Seonghwa slurred into the phone. there was a commotion on the other side of the phone as he heard Hongjoong yell his members name. "hi honey." his voice sounded so sweet, which made you even more confused. "I've missed you. Joong told me not to call you, so he took my phone away, but I got his instead."

"Seonghwa, have you been drinking?"

He hiccupped into the phone, " a little? I didn't go to a club or anything, I promise. I was feeling mopey, because I missed you and Yunho suggested that we should drink something. I'm at the dorm, I promise." Hongjoong had given up on trying to get the phone from him. That or Seonghwa had went into a different room. It was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "I fucked up, didn't I? I hurt you and now I've lost you."

You sighed, "Seonghwa."

"I tried so hard not trying to ruin this relationship. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect you. I didn't want you to realize that you deserved better than me. And in the end I hurt you." He choked out a sob, making your heartache.

You weren't mad at him anymore, you just wanted some space. You wanted to clear your thoughts of everything before talking with him again. "Seonghwa, is Hongjoong there?"

There was a sound a shuffling before Hongjoong spoke. "Hello?"

"So, I'm going to come pick him up, can you take care of him for me until then?" you ask in a sympathetic tone. "I'm really sorry for this."

"Don't worry about it, I've got him."

You thanked him before you hung up the phone. As you grabbed your bag and jacket, your shoved your feet through your shoes and rushed out the door. It was only a ten minute walk to the dorms from your apartment. Yunho opened the door for you and stepped aside as you made your way to your boyfriends bedroom. He was sat against the wall and his knees brought to his chest.

"Seonghwa." His head lifted up quickly, staring directly into your eyes.

"y/n." He stands up and makes his way over to you, "what are you doing here?" His eyes moved over to Hongjoong who was attempting to sneak out without being seen. "I'm sorry for calling you so abruptly, I've been chugging a lot of water and I'm starting to sober up."

"Seonghwa," you say again, making the man stop talking. You sighed and looked at his puffy eyes. This wasn't what you wanted. You didn't want to hurt him like this, you didn't want to hurt him at all. You just wanted all of this to be over with. "Let's go home, yeah?"

Seonghwa stared at you, processing what you said to him before nodding. "please."

Hongjoong:

Seonghwa stayed quiet as he listened to you explain to him what had happened with Hongjoong. The words were choppy as you were crying, your voice shaky. You hadn't realized how much of a burden you being towards Hongjoong. He had never snapped at you before, it was all a new feeling for you.

Seonghwa reached over and rubbed your back softly, "I'm sure he didn't mean to. He's been really stressed out lately. Coachella, the comeback, the upcoming tour and his ex leaving him is just icing on the cake. I'm not making excuses for him, how he reacted and what he said was completely unacceptable. But I know what he's like when he's stressed. He says things he doesn't mean."

You swallowed hard and nodded, "I should probably get going. Work isn't going to finish by itself." You wiped your tears and stood up, giving Hwa a small smile. "Thank you."

"Uhm," he started before you could walk off, "maybe tonight, we can meet up and get something to eat? We can invite the others too if that would make you feel more comfortable."

"That'd be nice, would probably make me feel a lot better," You agreed.

He nodded. "Great, I'll message you the details later."

After you clocked out of work, Seonghwa sent you a message to meet at a local restaurant that you usually go to as a group. You didn't bother to go home and change your outfit to something more casual, you just wanted some alcohol. The restaurant was only a short walk from your office, so it didn't take you long to arrive.

"Back again I see!" The owner beamed with excitement when she saw you.

You smiled and politely greeted her, "this is the best restaurant on the street."

She laughed at your comment. "Don't you know how to make an old woman smile. Are you meeting with your friends? If you are, they haven't arrived yet but your back corner table to open if you'd like."

You smiled and thanked her before heading to the back of the restaurant. Given the weekday, the restaurant wasn't busy as it usually was. Only a younger couple and a table of three men dressed in suits. You placed your jacket behind your chair and sit down, your back to the door. It wasn't long before the chair beside you skid against the floor, causing you to look up. To your surprise Hongjoong was standing beside you, nobody else in sight.

"Joong," you whispered as he sat beside you. You turned around to see if the boys were with him but they weren't.

"It's only me," Hongjoong told you, making you turn back to him. "Is that okay? I was hoping we could talk."

You nodded as the owner came by and placed a couple of waters in front of you. "I'm sorry," you said once she was out of earshot.

Hongjoong furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you confused. "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I took my anger out on you for no reason and said hurtful things."

"I know, but I knew you were stressed and I still pushed your buttons. I knew that you felt I was pestering you and I ignored all the signs. I'm really sorry for bothering you so much," you say looking up at him.

He shook his head. "I had no right to take my anger out on you. What I said to you was mean, and it never should've been said. This break up has been really hard on me and it's starting to cloud my judgement. I don't mind if you try to comfort me, you're much better at it than most of the members. I will do better with how I control my words and actions towards you.

"I will do better at trying to read the signs, and I apologize if my feelings for you were overbearing."

Hongjoong paused and looked at you confused. "Feelings for me? You have feelings for me?"

You mentally slapped yourself, guess your crush wasn't as obvious as you thought it was. "S-So are the other members planning on coming? I don't want to order without them."

"Wait, backtrack. You have feelings for me?"

You opened your mouth to say something when you heard a collection of voices come through the door. The remaining 7 members all went to the back to the room and joined you and Hongjoong at the table.

Seonghwa sat across from you and gave you a cheerful smile. "Did we miss anything."

You quickly shook your head, ignoring Hongjoong's shocked expression. "Nothing at all!"

Yunho:

You began picking at your fingers, looking around your apartment. You had been sitting her for well over 30 minutes, trying to find the strength to begin cleaning. Yunho's words echoing in your mind. You hated how he was right. Your depression was becoming an excuse for everything at this point. You didn't clean your apartment, you hadn't been eating properly, making excuses not to meet with friends and spending all your free time locked in your room.

Yunho walked out of your bedroom, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. "y/n?" He flicked on the ceiling light and looked over at you. "it's 7 in the morning, what are you doing up so early on your day off?"

You couldn't find the words, your mind was racing. You didn't want to explain to him that you spent all night watching motivational videos on YouTube. You opened your mouth to say something but instead you choked out a sob and broke down. Yunho quickly rushed over to you and put his hands around you. He held onto you as you both moved to the ground and cried. You felt like your were shrinking, like you were a small child who wanted to run away from the scary things.

"Shh," he cooed softly in your ear as he ran his fingers through your hands. "It's okay. You're okay, I'm here." He patiently waited for you to calm down, constantly repeating over and over again that you were going to be okay and he wasn't going anywhere.

Once you had finally calmed down, you laid your head against his chest and sniffled. "I have depression," you confessed. Yunho didn't say anything, allowing you to continue. "I went to the doctor about it about a month ago, she referred me to a therapist. Everything seemed fine at first but then the more I worked and came home on repeat." You stopped and took a deep breath. "It started to get worse. Everyone's been so busy and I didn't want to burden anyone. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to worry you. I thought that I could handle this on my own."

Yunho pressed a soft, long kiss at the top of your head. "I'm such an asshole. I'm so sorry I called you lazy, honey. I didn't even think to ask if everything was okay, I just automatically assumed things without talking to you about it first."

You turned and looked up at him. "You're not the only one in the wrong here. My therapist has been pushing me to tell a person. I should've spoken to you instead of trying to do this on my own." You swallowed hard, "I've been watching motivational videos all morning to try to help get me started. But the second I stepped out here, I couldn't do anything."

"Well, there's two of us and one apartment. I will help you do the laundry, clean the dishes and take the trash out," he offered, looking around the room before he looked back down at you. "Would that be okay or is that too much in one day?"

You shake your head and give him a small smile. "I think that'd be great."

"I'm going to start coming home more often, even if it's really late," he tells you, making your eyes go wide. "I don't mind the distance and we're just finishing up promotions. I've been missing you like crazy, the space between us is too large." You smiled and leaned up, giving him a long kiss on his lips. When you parted, he smiled and stood up with his hands on his hips. "Now, where should we start?"

Yeosang:

“Come on! You’re going to love it!!” Yeji shouts as she drags you into the house party.

“I’m really not in the mood for this, Yeji!” You tell her.

The house was flooded with people dancing to the loud music and drinking. You didn’t know half the people that were here, hell you weren’t sure if you knew anyone. Yeji was invited by someone from her workplace and insisted that you came with her. Someone bumped into you, making you huff and move closer to her. You kept walking until Yeji found a guy who was waving her over.

“Minho!” Yeji says, embracing the taller man into a hug.

“Hey, gorgeous,” Minho says before letting her go and looking over at you. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is y/n! It’s her first party!” Yeji tells him. You send him a polite smile and wave.

He nods, smiling at you. “I can tell.”

You zoned out the couple and looked around the room. There weren’t many people in this room, mostly people talking or lounging on the couch. You hated being here, you just wanted to pull Yeji out of here and go home.

“You must be a homebody,” someone says, making you look up to find one of Minho’s friends now standing beside you.

You nodded, “yeah. Parties aren’t really my thing.”

“I’m Chan,” he tells you, reaching out his hand for you to shake. He noticed your hesitation and chuckled. “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.”

This made you smile a little before you took his hand in yours. “I’m y/n.”

“Here take this!” Yeji appeared handing you an unopened hard seltzer. “It’s new out of the box and it’ll help with your nerves.”

You watched as she disappeared back to Minho before you opened the can and took a drink. She wasn’t joking when she said it helped with your nerves. You weren’t a lightweight so you weren’t going to get drunk or tipsy off it but it definitely calmed you down. For a while you found yourself chatting with Chan, it wasn’t anything flirtatious but he made you feel more comfortable.

The current song changed to Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter and you let out an excited hum. “I love this song!”

Chan laughed at your excitement, “Well would you like to dance?”

“She’s fine,” a voice says behind, making you look over to find Yeosang staring at Chan.

You furrowed your eyebrows and cross your arms over your chest. “What if i want to dance with him?” This caused Yeosang to snap his head towards you. “Who are you to say what I can and cannot do?”

Chan cleared his throat awkwardly, “I’m gonna go get another drink.”

Neither you nor Yeosang looked up from each other as Chan left the two of you alone. This was your first time seeing Yeosang since you stormed out of the studio a week ago. You hated how he still looked gorgeous as ever.

“What are you doing here?”

Yeosang crossed his arms over his chest, “I should be asking you that. Since when do you come to party like these? Yeji called me and said you needed to be taken home because she left Minho.”

“Yeji called you?” You asked confused, turning around to find Minho & Yeji gone. You groaned, the least she could’ve done was at least given you a heads up. Unless, this was her plan all along. You mentally face palmed your self and groaned. “Damn you, Yeji.”

“I’m not going to force you to leave,” Yeosang assures you. Of course you knew that, you knew better than anyone that he wouldn’t do that to you. “But I will be the one you’re leaving with tonight. You don’t know these people.”

You swallowed hard at his last sentence. “I thought I knew you.” You didn’t think he heard you, but the look on his face made it obvious he heard.

“Come on,” he says, grabbing your hand. You allowed him to lead you out of the party and towards the main road. He helped you into the passenger side of his car before getting in the driver side and pulling off. “You haven’t spoken to me since the day at the studio. I tried calling you the other day but it went straight to voicemail.”

“I’ve been busy, that’s all,” you tell him trying to brush off the conversation.

“It’s because of what I said the other day isn’t it?” he asked, making you look over at him. “About h/e/n?” Your silence was enough confirmation for him. “y/n, i promise you i don’t think that about you.”

“Then why did you say it?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. “Do you not know how much it hurts to hear someone compare you to another person and say you would never compare?”

Yeosang chewed on his bottom lip unsure of what to say. “I don’t know. I guess I was trying to be funny but I wasn’t even thinking about your own feelings.”

You felt the tears build up, “It hurt so much. To hear being compared to someone who is considered perfect to people. Someone who’s considered perfect to you.”

“She’s not!” Yeosang immediately says, reaching over and grabbing your hand in his. The action made your heart skip a beat. “She’s far from perfect, I promise you. y/n, you are the most stunning person I have ever met. you light up the room when you come in. when I saw you talking to Chan, almost dancing with him I felt jealous. Maybe even a little possessive. I never felt that way with h/e/n.”

“What are you trying to say?”

Yeosang pulled into the parking garage of your apartment building and parked the car. Once the car was shut off he turned and looked you in the eyes. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you. Even when i was with h/e/n, I knew that it wasn’t her I was having those feelings for. It was you.”

You swallowed hard and placed a hand on his cheek, “don’t hurt me again.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he tells you before leaning over bringing his lips to yours.

San:

When the group arrived to the amusement park, you stayed glued to Hongjoong's side. Every ride you rode on, you sat between him and Seonghwa. During lunch time you sat them and kept most of your conversations with the two of them. Near the end of the night Hongjoong and Seonghwa began to realize what was actually going on.

San wasn't bothering to talk to you. Instead he was hanging around Yeosang & Wooyoung the whole day. Neither of you spoke to each other or even looked at each other. Hongjoong looked over at Seonghwa, who nodded his head towards a ride that he knew would get the two of you to talk.

Hongjoong picked up on the idea and spoke loud enough for the whole group to hear, "You know, it's almost the end of the night. Why don't San and y/n go on Ferris wheel together?"

Your head shot up towards Hongjoong, who was smiling towards you. San pressed his lips together as the other members started to chime in, agreeing with the idea.

"That's okay," you tell them, holding your hands up in defense. "The line looks pretty long and we don't have that much time left. Maybe we could find a ride that has shorter lines?"

Seonghwa shook his head and put your hand on your lower back, pushing you towards your boyfriend. "That's why we bought the fast passes, the 7 of us are going to go ride another ride while you two ride this one. We will meet back at the entrance once we're all done. Sound good?"

Before you could protest, the 7 boys rushed away from you leaving the two of you alone. Your eyes flicked up at San, who was peering down at you. You did not want to be alone with him right now. San sighed and started making his way towards the Ferris Wheel, you following close behind. The line wasn't nearly as long as you made it out to be, only a couple of people were ahead of you.

"You think she's cute?" you heard someone say behind you.

You looked up to see who the person was talking about, to find two boys from the other lane staring directly at you. Quickly, you turned around and kept your eyes forward.

"Gorgeous, isn't she?" you hear San say, making you look up as he stands behind you, blocking their view. San huffed and leaned down, pressing a kiss at the top of your head. "As if they'd have a chance to take you from me."

His words made you blush but you stayed quiet, still unsure of where to two of you stood. The line took under 10 minutes before the two of you were in a cart together. Instead of sitting beside him like you'd normally would, you sat on the opposite side of him.

San stared at you, as if he was trying to read your mind. "What's going on, y/n?"

You looked away from the sunset and up at your boyfriend. The shine of the golden sun on his skin making him look even more gorgeous. "I didn't want to upset you with being to clingy, so I've been doing my best not to disturb you. You seemed to be fine spending your day with the boys. I'm sorry for inviting myself on your day off."

The cart came to stop at the top of the ride, giving San an opportunity to move beside you. He took your hand in his and gave the top of it a kiss. "I'm sorry, for being so harsh. I could've said it nicer than as harsh as I did. I guess I just felt embarrassed. Wooyoung had been teasing me about you, saying that you get my full attention and you're glued to my side whenever we're together."

You frown and placed a hand on his cheek, "San if I'm doing too much or making you feel uncomfortable in anyway, I'd prefer if you come to me instead of saying hurtful things."

"But you don't!" San quickly said. "I'm not uncomfortable and you're definitely not doing to much. I love how clingy you are. I love how you constantly hold onto me whether it be my hand or just the sleeve of my shirt. I don't want you change that, in fact do more." You gave out a soft chuckle. "I'm really sorry I let Wooyoung's jokes get to me. I don't even know where that comment about h/e/n came from. I promise you, I was just being an insensitive jerk."

You give him a small smile and pat the top of his head, "well I'm glad you were able to admit your mistake and be honest with me. However, Wooyoung & I are going to need to have a serious talk."

San smiled at you and leaned over, giving you a kiss on the lips. The ride went another time around before two of you got off. Holding hands, the two of you made your way towards the entrance of park. The group of boys were huddled around a bench, waiting for you.

Seonghwa was the first person to notice the two of you. "Looks like everything is back to normal."

Once you two reach the group, Wooyoung gave you both a confused look. "When were you two ever not okay?"

You squinted your eyes at him and let go of San's hand. "Oh, you'd like to know all about that wouldn't you?"

Wooyoung's eyes widen as he turned and started to dash out of the park, you following closely behind. The rest of the group laughed as they started to walk out, watching as you chased Wooyoung' to the car. Wooyoung's shouting echoing from afar.

Mingi:

It had been a week since you last went to take Mingi any food. Hongjoong has been reassuring you that the younger member was eating properly, but he hasn't mentioned you since. You had occasional small talk with your boyfriend, but it wasn't like it was before. There was a tension in the air and it wasn't that hard to figure out why.

It had been a week since you last went to take Mingi any food. Hongjoong has been reassuring you that the younger member was eating properly, but he hasn't mentioned you since. You had occasional small talk with your boyfriend, but it wasn't like it was before. There was a tension in the air and it wasn't that hard to figure out why.

Tonight you were preparing yourself to go to meet the boys at dinner for Seonghwa's birthday. Mingi was the one who brought it up but Seonghwa was the one who invited you. You stared at yourself repeatedly in the mirror, debating whether or not going was the best idea. The sound of your phone vibrating on your desk made you tear your eyes away and look over at the screen. Mingi’s name appeared on the screen with hearts next to his name.

“Hello?” you ask after hitting accepting the call and bringing the phone up to your ear.

There was a silence on the other end making you think he called by accident. “Hey.”

“Hi,” you say softly, unsure of what else to say.

Mingi stayed silent before clearing his throat, “uhm, so would you want to ride together to the party?”

Your heart skipped a beat. Although still hurt after everything, you weren’t going to deny that you missed your boyfriend. “Okay, what time?”

“I’m actually at your door right now.”

You blinked and walked out of your bedroom, heading towards your front door. When you opened the door you came face to face with a rather nervous Mingi. You brought the phone down and ended the call, staring at him with a surprised look.

Mingi put his phone in his pocket before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Your eyes widened, Mingi was never the type to initiate contact like this. You were always the one to hold his hand, hug him and, for the most part, even kiss him first. Your arms wrapped around his waist, accepting his warm embrace.

“I’m so sorry for how I treated you,” he says, pulling away slightly and setting his forehead onto yours. “You were just checking up on me and taking care of me. I’ve been so stressed with the comeback, the tour and traveling that I took it out on you. It’s not excuse but I really am sorry. This week has been torture, it’s not like when I'm away for concerts. I don’t want to be apart from you, I don’t want space. I want you, y/n. I want your clinginess. I want your daily texts asking me how I'm doing. I want the lunchboxes you bring me everyday knowing well I forget to eat. I want you, y/n.”

“Shh, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore,” you tell him. You reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, gently rubbing your finger against his skin. “Can we just move on from this and go to the party?”

Mingi moved his head to the crook of your neck. “Screw the party, I can think of other things we can do.”

The feeling of his lips leaving kisses on your neck gave you goosebumps. You let out a soft sigh, “Seonghwa is your member and he wants you there. Plus, who are you to turn away a good party.”

Mingi hummed against your skin and whispered in your ear, “we can be late. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Before you were able to respond Mingi lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He started walking into the apartment, your lips pressed against his as he closed the door behind him with his foot.

Wooyoung:

You stared at the blank canvas that was begging for you to paint on it. You hadn’t even prepared the paint yet because you knew you weren’t going to get anywhere. Your mind was flooded with grey thoughts, none of them giving you inspiration for a new piece. Sighing, you stood up from your stool and walked out of your office.

Ever since your argument with Wooyoung, you had lost all motivation paint. Painting was your way of escaping reality and right now it felt like reality wouldn’t leave you alone. You walked into your living room, heading towards the couch when your front door opened. Startled, you picked up the closest object to you (which so happened to be the remote control) and turned around to fine Wooyoung standing by the door.

Wooyoung looked at you with a raised eyebrow, “do you really think you can fight off a person with the remote?”

You glared at him and crossed your arms over your chest. “What are you doing here?”

Wooyoung slipped off his shoes and stood in front of you. “We need to talk.”

“You couldn’t have called me? Or at least given me a heads up that you were on your way over? Scaring the crap out of me could have been completely avoided,” you told him, expecting him to crack a joke but all he did was stare at you with a blank stare. You stared at him and felt your heart drop for a moment. “You’re breaking up with me.”

Wooyoung swallowed hard and opened his mouth to say something but he stopped himself. You knew that the fight you had was a bad one, especially with how it ended, but you never knew your relationship would end like this.

“I said a lot of things that hurt you the other day and it wasn’t right,” he started, running his fingers through his hair. “I compared you to someone who broke me in so many ways that I didn’t even know were possible. Someone who took every insecurity I had and held it against me. And you…you are nothing like her. You treat me with respect and I feel like a goddamn prince when I'm with you. You’ve made me the happiest person I have ever been.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused by where he was going with this. “So why? Why do we have to end it all? You said it yourself, I make you feel like the happiest person.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he says. You watched him as he sighed and took a seat in your couch. “You deserve a person who will treat you just as great as you treat them. A person who won’t accuse you doing things with other people. A person who could trust without holding anything back. You deserve so much better than me, y/n.”

You could feel the tears build up as you stare down at him. “What if I say no?”

“y/n—“ you cut him off, “I don’t want to be in some perfect relationship. I don’t want some perfect guy who sweeps me off his feet and makes no mistakes. I want to be with you, Wooyoung. I’m in love with you.”

Wooyoung was crying now, tears on his cheeks as he looks at you. “I do nothing but hurt you, y/n. You deserve so much better than me.”

You cupped his face into your hands and brought your lips to his. The kiss was soft and only lasted a minute before you pulled away. “I told you from the beginning that I knew you were going to have a hard time trusting me. But I need you to believe me when I say, there will never be anybody else. Unless you absolutely want me to, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” he says before you pull him into a hug. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I shouldn’t have said those words to you. I got scared and insecure, and I acted without thinking it through.”

You didn’t respond, you just ran your fingers through his hair as he hugged you tightly. Of course this wasn’t going to be your final fight but it was the one that changed a lot in your relationship.

Jongho:

“Ugh, I'm starving!” Yeji groans as your friends make your way into the restaurant.

The place was packed with young college students celebrating the end of the semester. The four of you found a spot in between two couples who both seemed to be unfazed with the capacity. A young waitress comes over and takes your order before she disappears to the back of the restaurant.

“I need a drink,” Sumin says, not wasting any time cracking open a bottle and pouring herself a shot.

“At least we should take one together!” Chaeyoung says, watching as Sumin tosses her back as she downs the shot.

Sumin slams the glass on the table with a satisfied ‘Ah’. She picks up the glass again and starts to fill everyone else’s glasses with the alcohol. “Cheers!”

“To what exactly?” Yeji asks.

“To finally getting y/n to come out with us!” Sumin says.

You roll your eyes playfully and take the shot as the same time as the girls. The alcohol felt bitter against your throat as you swallowed it and set the glass on the table. “Please, you know I’ve been busy with work.”

“Hey, is that Jongho?” Chaeyoung asks, causing the group to turn toward the television.

You followed their heads and saw a picture of Jongho & his ex being photographed together at a restaurant. The gossip reporter was talking about the rumor of the two of them getting back together and being spotted over the past weekend. You swallowed hard and looked away from the TV.

Sumin looked over at you with a concerned look. Out of all your friends, Sumin was the only one who knew about your relationship with Jongho. She knew about the break up too, she insisted on you telling your other friends but you were too embarrassed by falling so hard so fast.

“I heard she’s blackmailing him,” Yeji speaks up, gaining everyone’s attention. “Apparently she found out a he was seeing a girl and she took photos of them. She told him that if he doesn’t get back with her that she’s going to release the photos.”

Chaeyoung nodded, “I heard that too! He ended up breaking up with the girl because he wanted to protect her from the public.”

“The ex sounds insane,” Sumin chimes in dramatically, giving you a look, “I don’t know why anyone would choose her.”

“I-uh…I’ll be right back, and if I'm not. I’ll call you,” you say, quickly getting up and heading out of the restaurant.

“Where are you going?” Chaeyoung called after you.

“She’s going to get her man,” Sumin says loud enough for you to hear.

Once you got outside, you got into a taxi that just dropped a group of girls off and gave them the address to Jongho’s apartment. You quickly paid the fare and rushed inside the building. Instead of taking the elevator, you took the stairs to the third floor and walked up to Jongho’s door. Standing up straight, you caught your breath and knocked on the door.

It didn’t take long before Jongho opened the door, confusion on his face when he spotted you. “y/n? what are you doing here?”

“Is it true?” You asked, not giving him much information. “Did she blackmail you into breaking up with me.”

“H-How did you know about that?”

“People in the industry are talking about it. If it’s true, they know that she’s blackmailing you. They are saying you broke up with me because she was threatening to expose us,” You say quickly, “so is it true? You didn’t actually want to be with her? You don’t still love her?”

Jongho stayed quiet, unsure on if he should confirm or not. But what was the point of denying it if you already knew pretty much everything? “Yes, she’s blackmailing me.”

“Jongho, I don’t care if she releases anything that has to do with us,” you tell him, taking his hands in yours. “And even if she does have anything on us, it’s most likely not much considering we don’t go out much to begin with. Your true fans will support you if you’re dating a person or not. I don’t want us to end what we had because she thinks she can hold something against us. That is…if you want to be with me.”

“Of course i want to be with you, y/n,” he confesses, pulling you into a hug. “I didn’t confess to you on a whim. I confessed to you because I have feelings for you. I should’ve stood up for myself, for us and told her to screw off.”

You pull away and look up at him, “You did what you thought was going to protect me. I’m not going to be upset with you for that. But no matter what she tries to do, I’m not going anywhere.”

Jongho smiled and leaned his forehead against you, “I’ve missed you so much.” You smiled back at him and brought your lips against his.

[morgana-larkin]

Masterlist

(Requests Open) - What I write: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Reader with mental disabilities, Age gap, Minor reader (I'll only go as young as 16 though)

*Smut

Melissa Schemmenti

Worth It - Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6* Part 7* Part 8* Part 9*

Don't Let Me Go

The 3 3 3 Method

Little Droplets of Relief

Her Poco Sole (little sunshine)

Let Me Help You*

Caught On Camera

Overwhelmed

Grocery Store Rendezvous

Thank You for Letting Me Be Myself

Want You Back* - Alternate Ending*

Map Of Your Scars*

Green Isn't Your Colour- Part 1 Part 2

Safe Word*

The Game of Love

Mine -Part 1* Part 2 Part 3 Part 4* Part 5*

Spring Is When Love Blooms

The Stolen Parking Spot

Blood As Green As Her Eyes - Part 1* Part 2*

Teaching You*

It Starts With Zero*

Fine Line*

Make Up and Make Out*

The Vendor, The Teacher and The Roses - Part 1 Part 2 Alt End*

Her Good Girl*

Puppy Crazy

Don't Call Me That - Part 2*

Clueless Teasing*

Speechless*

Allow Me*

Il Suo Angelo (Her Angel)*

Red And Green*

Doubt

I Feel A Rainbow In You - Prompt

Chessy

Music Of Her Heart

Making You Hers*

Spring Is When Love Blooms

Her Good Girl*

Please Wake Up

All Over Again

Follow Directions*

Face The Consequences*

Marilyn Thornhill

Cool Your Fire

Misty Quigley (Adult)

Coming Soon

Moiraine Sedai

Coming Soon

Who I Write For (Fem! Reader)

Abbott Elementary: Melissa Schemmenti x Reader (romantic)

The Parent Trap: Chessy x Reader (romantic)

Wednesday: Marilyn Thornhill x Reader (romantic)

Yellowjackets: Misty Quigley x Reader (romantic)

The Wheel Of Time: Moiraine Sedai x Reader (romantic)

[http-finnick]

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐬 - 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐫

finnick odair x fem!reader

summary: as finnick sneaks back into your cart during the victory tour, you start to pity him as he wraps his arms around you, knowing that this is all for the captiol and none of it is true...at least not for you.

cw: almost one-sided love, katniss and peeta trope, no smut, and lots of crying.

with how the trains speeds you feel as tho you're flying, laying in your bed with the new weather outside your window. yesterday it was snowing, now it's spring.

the silk bedsheets mold your skin as you lay there, regretful.

a hand snakes under and up to your abdomen, the scent of musk heavy on your nostrils as he pushes himself closer to your back.

he sighs once he has your touch back into his grip and you stay put, hoping he falls back to sleep.

it was a mistake, letting him back into your bed again.

it wasn't like you two did anything..it's just for the nightmares. but still.

he thumbs your shoulder softly, brushing the finger on your body to test your awareness, you feel his eyes on your neck.

once he gets no indication of your conciseness, he dips down to lay a soft, quick kiss on your neck.

it makes you shiver, a little fever sparking in your spine for that moment. it wasn't forced for his own excitement, it was a little good morning for you.

and that just makes it worse.

you pretend to flutter your eyes and he quickly sinks back into the silk sheets. you sit up and drowsily grab a towel before walking towards the bathroom that's connected to your cart.

you eye him as you take tip-toe steps, as if not to wake him. but you catch his lips flashing a soft smile before forcing down into a line.

you sprint into the bathroom and turn on the shower as you feel your chest heavy with breaths. you lock the door and sink down as you choke on air and have tears rush out of your eyes

he loves you

he loves you so much.

your mind brings you back to Annies sobs and pleas for you to return finnick to her, safely. to bring her love back.

I wonder how she felt seeing you brush his hair back in the arena before dipping down to kiss his puffy lips.

I wonder how she felt when 'her love' came home with a new love.

you confessed to him on the train that it was a lie. your love wasn't real and you watched him fight back tears while putting on a sad smile

"it's okay, really"

that's what he told you when you turned to look back out the window of the train car. you knew it wasn't your place but your cloudy mind thought it was a good idea

"fin...um...Annie was talking to me before the games and-"

"please. I don't want to hear anything about annie cresta."

so you both sat in silence as the train brought you back to four.

and now, on your victory tour with the capitol and everyone breathing down your neck, you realize that you will never have a life without odair being next to it.

you can't help but claw at your chest with sobs as the shower spits water at you, because finnick takes this as a chance, a chance for you to love him.

but you would never give yourself that chance

not with that promise you gave to annie.

and not with that vow you gave to yourself.

an: I might do a part 2 for this, katniss and peeta trope is such a good one I just had to make some angst for it. I hope that you guys liked it even though its short :( I'm sorry I cant do super super long ones, I just write when I can and post right after lmao. Also my babies!!! We got to 70 followers! I love you guys so much, when I started this acc I didn't think anyone would still be around for thg content, but you guys came through and made me love the fandom even more...I love you guys so much! mwah!

part 2

[riality-check]

part 3 of... whatever this au is. here's part 1 and part 2 if you missed them. tw substance abuse. part 4 here. part 5 here. part 6 here. part 7 here.

ao3

"You ever taken a hit?"

"Excuse me?"

First, Harrington calls his songs "boring" and "repetitive." "Talking about all the same thing." And, yeah, maybe he does have a point. Maybe Eddie can't write about much else, but that's a casualty of not being able to think about much else.

Everyone says addiction is selfish, and they're right. No one talks about how recovery is, too.

So, sorry that he's consumed by notoriously all-consuming things.

But then, Harrington shows up late to the studio. Granted, Eddie was, too, but Harrington stumbled into the little room fifteen minutes after the time Chrissy set up for them, ever-present coffee in hand.

And now he asks that.

"Like a punch," he explains. "Have you ever been hit?"

Eddie lets out a breath. "Yeah, I've been hit."

He thinks back to being a freshman in high school, what feels like forever ago, and getting shoved and tripped and swirlied by senior jock assholes.

There were never any closed-fist punches, but Eddie thinks he gets the idea.

"So you know that it feels good."

Eddie stares at him. "Good is not the word-"

"There's a moment," Harrington interrupts, and Eddie wants to kill him, "between the impact and the pain. You feel everything: how their hand feels, whether they're wearing rings, if they're holding something. And that might not feel good, but right after they hit you, everything is warm. And it feels really good, right until the pain sets in."

Eddie doesn't know what to say, not really, so he mouths off. "Got a lot of experience?"

"Four diagnosed concussions," Harrington replies.

Well. Eddie wasn't expecting that.

Just like he wasn't expecting Harrington's music to actually be good. He stayed up with the band last night, listening. And, yeah, he didn't like the goddamn synth chords, but reading along with the lyrics...

It was impressive. Eddie was impressed, okay?

Harrington's lyrics are far-ranging and emotionally impactful. He writes about family and love and survival in these really compelling, sometimes upbeat, sometimes not, ways. He writes about getting better and getting back up and fighting and Eddie gets it. He gets why Chrissy got his help.

Because not only is Harrington a rising star with a voice that Eddie thinks could be a little grittier if he put in the effort, but he also knows how to write about a lot of stuff.

And Eddie, since - since all of it, has clearly forgotten how to do so.

So, maybe, just maybe, he should start throwing his expectations about Harrington out the window.

"You know what it feels like," Harrington says. "So write about it."

Eddie sighs and lets his head flop onto the back of the couch. He hears Steve shift in his chair, hears him yawn.

In the silence, he wonders if he's sipping his coffee or covering his mouth like he did last week.

Eddie thinks that if he finds out the answer, he'll need a cigarette to kill the itch that'll inevitably spring up.

"Or not," Harrington mumbles.

Eddie drops his head forward. "Give a guy a second, will you? I don't know how-"

"Well, I'm here to help, not spoon-feed you lyrics."

"I didn't ask-"

"Oh, believe me, I know."

"Then why the hell-"

"Write about losing," Harrington snaps.

Eddie tilts his head to the side. "What?"

"You write about-"

"I know what I write about."

"Then you should know," Harrington says, raising his voice, "that there was a point where you wanted to give in."

Eddie shuts his mouth, and, despite his better instincts, leans forward, toward Harrington, far enough that his knees hit the coffee table between the couch and the chair.

"Because when you're fighting monsters, a little part of you thinks, it would be so much easier if I just lost. If I threw up my hands and let them get me."

Eddie thinks back to waking up after blackouts. To being carried places and dunked under cold water to sober the fuck up before we go out there. To figuring out ways to stay higher longer, refusing to be beholden to the inevitable crash.

And he hates that Steve Harrington has somehow found that out about him, however vaguely.

"Lot of experience with monsters?" Eddie says because damn if Harrington gets to cut him without getting cut back.

Harrington leans forward in turn. "You have no idea."

He picks up the black ballpoint pen on the coffee table and shoves it toward Eddie, toward his blank notepad.

Eddie bites his tongue, takes it, and writes lyrics and a lead guitar part in the fastest time he's ever managed, with Harrington as a sounding board, offering his suggestions.

They're good suggestions.

It's going to be a good song.

It's too bad that Eddie can't stand Harrington's smug smirks and his terrifying assumptions and his little bit of spaciness. It's too bad that after he sees Harrington swipe at his nose - even though it's probably not like that - when they're done that Eddie has to go outside and smoke two cigarettes to stop thinking about it.

Otherwise, they might actually make a good team.

[faeriichaii]

hellooo, i love your writing could i please request angst to fluff where legolas is frustrated and busy he calls reader clingy so the reader sort of distances themselves? no rush ofc but keep up the amazing work 🫶🫶🫶

Words like Poison ~ Legolas x Elf!Reader

A/N: Hii!! Omg thank you so much <33 I haven't written anything with angst in such a long time so I am very very excited haha 🥰Also I hope you don't mind that reader is an elf :) Ngl I accidentally wrote like a bit of a different plot at first and like halfway through I was like 'no this is totally not the request??' So yeah haha I guess I did like 2 in 1 just that the other is only the start of smth and this is like a complete thing :)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Warnings: fluff, lil bit angst ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Words: 1.1k ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Request: Yes (thank you <33) ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Meleth Nin ~ My Love ࿐ྂ

Summary: Your beloved prince is stressed and busy with his duties. So, when you approach him to try and lighten the mood, he lets his frustration out on you.

You were walking towards the library of Mirkwood, as you spotted a familiar head of white blonde hair entering said room. Legolas and you have known each other since your childhood. Both of you constantly playing with each other, weaving flower crowns or painting each other some pictures. Even as the two of you grew older, you never ceased to spend time together. Either reading a book or eating some fruits in the garden while enjoying the sun. Or reading about the history of Middle Earth, as well as chores you had to fulfil in your positions. Nothing could stop you two from being with each other and working through it together.

It was only natural that after a while your heart skipped a little more every time you saw him. The warmth that brushed your cheeks every time you two sat a little too close. Or the way the butterflies swirled around in your tummy when he looked at you with his beautiful captivating eyes. It didn’t take Legolas long to notice that your attitude towards him shifted. He also noticed how your smile made his day a little brighter than normal and how your laugh made his body feel warm and content with love.

So, at one beautiful spring evening he asked you if he could braid your hair and of course you obliged. Ever since then the bond between the both of you only strengthened. However, nowadays you rarely catch a glimpse of the elven prince. He was constantly hiding away either in the study room of his father, king Thranduil, or in the library. You haven’t even seen him in a week, so you decided to approach the library and try to find Legolas. Opening the wooden doors, you entered into the enormous room, filled with books and scrolls. Your eyes landed on your prince, who was sitting on one of the many tables. Books were piling up on the side. A smile formed on your lips as you approached him.

“Meleth Nin, I have been missing you.” You said gently, trying not to startle Legolas. His gaze quickly darted to you, before moving back to the book in front of him. “I am sorry, but I really am very busy at the moment.” He said, writing down into the notebook. “I know, but you have been working day and night and I barely got a moment with you.” Pulling out a chair, you sat beside him. Silence settled between the both of you. You pulled out your own book and read a few words, before your attention drifted back to the prince. “If you want to we could go-“ “(Y/N) stop whining around! I told you I was busy and I really can’t deal with your clingy attitude at the moment.” Your lips parted as you felt little cracks form into your heart. You tried to say something, anything, but nothing came out. The lump in your throat prevented you from uttering anything in your defence. Your eyes started to burn slightly as the words Legolas spat into your direction settled into your mind and travelled through your whole body, encasing you in utter sadness and discomfort. Quickly packing your book back into your bag you wiped away the few tears that spilled from your eyes. “I apologize your majesty. I will leave you to it.” No warmth was left in your voice as you turned around and quickly left the library, the soft mutter of your name from Legolas lips following you out.

Days passed and you haven’t seen the prince anywhere. Most of the day you spend cooped up in your chambers, reading or trying to fill the canvas with colour. However, your mind was too jumbled up to remember the sentences on the pages, neither could you focus on what to draw. A sigh left your lips as you decided to take a walk around the beautiful garden of Mirkwood. Walking along the stone path your fingers gently brushed against the petals of the Hortensia bush. Your heart still ached at the harsh words Legolas said and at the distance you tried to keep between the both of you. It was hard not constantly seeing him or sharing your experiences of the day with him. “Meleth Nin…” Your eyes widened as you noticed that Legolas suddenly stood in front of you. His gaze was filled with sadness, as he looked at you. “My prince.” Your tone was cold, as you tried to sidestep him. However, he had something else in mind as he gently grasped your wrist. “Please (Y/N) hear me out.” His hand moved lower from your wrist, in order to entangle his fingers with your own. “I am so sorry about what I said.” Your eyes locked with his own, as you got lost in the beautiful shimmer of them. “I should have never said that you were clingy. Meleth Nin, I love you.” His free hand grasped your cheek gently. Warmth spread from his touch through your body, your heart skipping a beat with glee. You missed Legolas. You missed him dearly.

“I can’t stand the silence between us. I can’t stand that we are apart more than just a few hours. My soul and heart belong to you and I ache for you every second we are apart. Please Meleth Nin, forgive me.” His forehead touched yours, as he leaned towards you. “I love you.” After these words left his lips, you leaned into him and gave him a kiss. Your hands held the back of his neck softly, while his moved from your face to your waist, holding you close. His lips were soft against yours. His touch was gentle, as he lets his finger trail from your waist to your back to pull you even closer. As if he was scared that you might slip through his grasp. “I love you Legolas. But please, never utter these words to me. You hurt me deeply.” You said, after the tow departed from your kiss.

“I will never say something like that to you again. I am sorry, really, I am. I just was so stressed and overwhelmed with the workload my father gave me.” A sigh left his lips, still holding onto you. You put a hand on his cheek, softly stroking his face with your thumb. He leaned into your touch. “I know it has been hard for you, but please tell me if something is going on next time.” A smile graced your lips, as the prince gently nodded before pulling you in for another loving kiss.  

[petrichor-idyllic]

BRO I AM OBSESSED WITH “LET ME MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER” WOULD YOU EVER BE WILLING TO DO A PART TWO WITH STRAIGHT SMUT

Yeah, okay.

I'm doing it.

Finally.

So, this part 2 is by far the most requested piece I've ever gotten and I just keep putting it off because I suck at writing smut.

But I'm gonna do it because it keeps getting hyped up and I need to get this off my back before I do anything else lmao.

LET ME MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER PT. 2

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2

SUMMARY: Direct continuation from part 1. See above. Fem! Reader x Minho.

WARNINGS: Smut. Minors DNI, 18+ content, sexual intercourse, sexual themes, dumbass virgin activities, unprotected sex but you're on birth control because I said so - I ain't dealing with Glade babies. Pls rubber up tho.

You know, if someone would've told you this morning that you were about to go down on your best friend, you'd probably have punched them.

Yet, somehow, one awkward pathetic joke has led to something the pair of you have been fantasising about since you first became friends.

Minho's fingers massage your scalp as you leave wet kisses down his middrift. He hums in response to every small touch, occasionally pulling harder on your hair. Your hand rests between his underwear and his running pants. You occasionally roll you palm against him, and he's already solid, so it's not like you need to do much.

You're both incredibly inexperienced. As in, you're both massive virgins. But you're already starting to learn things about yourself. Minho's heavy breathing and tense muscles is making your body throb and your head fuzzy.

You've barely done anything and he's already falling apart at your touch. And you love it. You like making him feel good.

Without warning, and wanting to test something, you let your teeth graze the sensitive skin of his abs. His breath hitches and his body jolts, so you suck on the skin instead.

He lets out a gasp, grip tightening on your hair, but not pulling it intentionally. Your mouth makes a popping noise when you pull away. Admiring your work, Minho shifts, looking down at you as he lies on his back.

"Did you just shuckin' mark me?" He mumbles.

"Problem?" You ask, saliva staining your lips.

He simply shakes his head before flopping back down. "No, that's shuckin' hot."

You grin to yourself and repeat the action. Before you know it, Minho's stomach is covered with deep purple marks.

Okay, enough fucking about.

Moving your hand, you hook your fingers under his underwear. "Can I-?"

"Please," he gasps, not even letting you finish your question. He's using his manners more, at least. His fingers loosen from you hair, giving you more movement as your knees hit the floor of his hut.

Neither of you decided to make the smart choice to move from laying sideways on the bed.

You hesitate for a second, collecting yourself before pulling down the garments. His dick springs free and you have a second of pure panic.

Okay, so it's not like you've never seen a penis before. You live with exclusively teenage boys. They run through the Glade naked as a joke, and people steal each other's clothes from the showers all the time.

So, there is occasionally exposed body parts just casually around.

But this is different.

Minho is a decent size, dark hairs littering the area and is already leaking precum.

"Please, stop staring at it," he mumbles, his forearm flops over his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment. He's normally confident, but this is new territory.

"Sorry, I just don't..." you trail off, not quite sure how to word it.

"You don't have to do anything. We can just call it quits and cuddle in bed or whatever klunk couples do."

You smile. Despite the mildly awkward sexual encounter, Minho referring to you as a couple makes your heart flutter.

"No, I want to," reaching towards him, you run your finger over his tip, watching him squirm immediately. But you seriously don't know what to do. "Can you... show me? Maybe? I don't know what I'm doing."

He pauses. "Yeah," he sounds defeated. "Alright, yeah." You've never seen Minho bashful before, but you could get used to it. He uses his arm to continue to cover his face, but his free hand reaches down. You sit back on your heels as you watch.

His movements are slow, like he's giving you a detailed demonstration. He pumps his hand up and down, rubbing his thumb occasionally over the tip.

Well, this is hot.

After watching him for a while, you gingerly touch his hand, telling him you want to take over. He slowly moves away, his hand lingering around his stomach.

You do what he did, copying the movement and doing exactly how he seemed to like it. Though, this isn't what you originally intended to do.

You adjust yourself, leaning forward and licking the slit of his tip with no warning. Minho's whole body tenses, his hand flying to your hair again.

You do it again, this time taking more of him into your mouth but still maintaining the movement with your tongue. You keep doing this, taking more of him each time. You occasionally break, needing to breathe for a second and using your hand.

"Shuckin'... fuck," he hisses, suddenly bucking his hips and hitting the back of your throat, making you gag. "Shit, sorry."

"It's fine," you pull away, wiping your face with the back of your hand. "Do whatever you like. I'm tryna cheer you up, remember?"

He blinks, sitting up on his arms, staring at you on your knees, drool dribbling down your chin, stray hairs sticking to your forehead.

"Shuck it, get up here."

"Huh?" He leans forward, grabbing your shirt and pulling you towards him as he sits on the edge of the bed. He grabs your jaw with reasonable force, kissing you deeply.

He breaks the kiss. "You're gonna make me finish too quick," he mutters into your lips as your hands rest on his thighs for support - since you're still on the floor between his legs. "It's embarrassing and I haven't even touched you."

"You don't have to-"

"Shut up," he kisses you again, "stand up."

You do as you're told, rising up as he kisses you. Once on your feet, he grabs your shirt, sliding his calloused hands over your skin. You pull at the hem, yanking it over your head and letting it fall to the floor.

Minho's lips fall to your chest, peppering your collarbone with sloppy kisses before giving you the same treatment you gave him. You suck in a deep breath at the stinging, watching Minho pull away and run his finger over the purple, slightly raised chunk of skin.

He hums, almost in approval.

He continues this, switching between delicate affections and staining your skin. His hands come to the sports bra you're wearing, breaking the kiss as he looks up at you. You grab it, pulling it over your head and he just blankly stress at your bare chest.

Becoming insecure, your hands come across your chest.

He grabs your wrists. "You're beautiful, (Y/N) - you don't have to hide from me."

He leans up again, kissing you again as you let your arms fall limp. His hands come to your chest, gently rubbing your nipples with him thumbs. You whimper into his mouth, a noise he already knows is going to be replayed in his head constantly.

He breaks away, one hand coming to the underside of your boob and connecting his lips to it. You gasp, throwing your head back as he gently nips on the sensitive area.

Your breathing becomes heavy, occassional soft noises escaping the back of your throat.

It's all getting a bit too much.

Desperately, you fiddle with your pants, letting them fall to the floor and leaving you in your underwear. His hands come to your thighs as he swaps to your other tit, giving it the same treatment.

Sliding his hand up, he seems more confident than you as he slowly rubs at you through the thin fabric.

Maybe you don't remember it, but Minho definitely remembers your drunken ramble about female anatomy after one of the Gladers said the clit was a myth. Living with these boys is a lot, sometimes.

And he's using that knowledge.

"How's that?" He pulls away, talking into your skin.

You only hum in response, giving a weak nod.

"Need you to use your words; tell me what you like."

"It's good, Minho," you mumble, gasping as the fabric adds more friction to your sensitive bundle of nerves.

"You want more?"

You nod again.

"Words."

"Yes - please, yes."

Slipping his fingers under the material, you can already feel how wet you are. "Shit-"

"Shut up," you say almost immediately, not needing the teasing off of him. You can't help how your body reacts to him.

He chuckles slightly, slowly rubbing circles into your clit. Desperate and needing more, you buck your hips against his hand.

He doesn't even know how to react.

He's dealt with monsters, violence and tragedy - and this is what stops him in his tracks?

Minho moves his hand away, making you groan. But he's simply trying to get easier access as he pulls the remaining cover away, letting them fall around your ankles.

His hand returns to your core, this time with more to work with as he gets a better look at you. Almost hypnotised, he slowly pushes a finger into you, making you gasp before starting to roll your hips again.

He adds another one.

You mewl, the noise unintentionally escaping your throat.

Minho's eyes lock with yours. Lids heavy and pupils wide, his lips are parted slightly. Almost like an animal, you dive forward, desperately kissing him and knocking him back slightly. He pulls his fingers out of you, his hands coming to your waist, guiding you towards him.

You sit on his lap, grinding against him, fingers clawing at his back, gasping into each other.

Your slick coats his dick, both of you caving into ecstasy.

"Wait," he mumbles, "maybe there's a better position than this?"

You blink before chuckling. "Yeah, probably."

You stand up off of him. "Lie down, then. Tryna do a job here." You attempt to joke, but you're basically panting.

He obeys, lying down on the bed - the actual right way this time, and you throw your leg over him.

Returning to the previous action, you continue to grind on him, your lips coming to his neck. You suck and pull at the skin - Minho knows full well he's going to get some interesting questions in the morning. Though, the thought of the other Gladers bog-eyed stares and whispering, maybe even the teasing out of envy, makes him smirk.

He makes no effort to correct you.

After some more grinding, Minho's had dips down between your bodies. Directing his dick, he whispers into your ear.

"You sure about this?"

You move away from his throat, looking at him. "We can stop now, if you want?" You shake your head.

"Words, girl."

"No, I don't want to stop - I want you." You pause, your voice has a slight tremble to it. "Please."

Leaning up, he kisses you, guiding himself and pushing the head against your hole. You gasp, sitting up more and sinking down on him. It stings for a second, but you're so turned on that the pain is immediately overrided.

It still takes you a second to adjust as Minho watches himself disappear into you. Bottoming out, you look him before rolling your hips.

Minho's hands grip your waist, offering you guidance and pulling you down onto him even more.

After a few seconds like this, you cave, leaning forward, using your elbows to hold you up as your arms rest on either side of him. Your tongue dips into his mouth, his quickly brushing against yours. The speed of your movements picks up as you press your forehead against his.

You pant into each others mouths, occasionally sharing messy pecks and kisses. But neither of you can maintain it with the other feelings involved. Every time you roll your hips and he bucks his, you feel so unbelievably full, and the mix of actions is quickly making a knot form in your lower stomach.

You didn't know it was possible to feel like this.

Neither did he, to be fair.

"Shit," you hiss, "I think I'm gonna- fuck!" The feeling of orgasm rips through you, moans escaping your lips.

Which is probably what also pushes Minho over the edge - not that it was hard. The boy has been desperately trying not to jizz his pants since you first suggested a massage. Never mind this.

He whimpers, groans coming from deep in his throat as he dives forward, making an attempt to silence both of you. His hut isn't exactly soundproof, and you're not exactly quiet.

You ride out your highs, hips spasming and grasping at whatever flesh you manage to get your hands on.

Slowly, your movements start to calm, coming to a stop. You break the kiss, both of you struggling to catch your breath.

"Well, shuck," Minho says after a second, making you snort and break into a fit of giggles.

You both laugh for a second before he kisses you again, feeling him soften from inside of you.

You move off of him, lying next to him as he puts his arm under you, letting you snuggle into his chest.

"This better mean you're my shuckin' girlfriend."

You laugh again, shifting to kiss him on the cheek. "Yes, Minho, it means I'm your girlfriend."

And he grins like he's just conquered the world.

"Bro," Ben says the next morning after eyeing the Keeper for at least five minutes whilst they wait for the Doors to open. Him and the other Runners have been exchanging glances at the state of Minho's neck - something he's made no attempt to hide. "The shuck happened to you?"

"What?" Minho raises his eyebrow, probably because he's off in fantasy land thinking about last night, and waking up to you this morning.

"...your neck, dude." He looks at his men, his gaze flickering between them as they all stare at him. No one seems to even notice the Doors opening despite the deafening noise.

Minho simply shrugs. "Got a massage off my girlfriend."

And with that, he runs into the Maze, leaving Ben standing there with his jaw agape.

IT'S DONE.

It's also not proof read and don't expect it to be, I'm never gonna reread this because I hate my own sex scenes.

But IT'S DONE.

FINALLY.

No more smut for a while, I'm going back to fluffy requests for a minute lmao.

Though, I hope you enjoyed :))

[fanauthorworkshop]

Applications for the Spring 2024 session are now open!

The Fanauthor Workshop is a biannual Zoom course for writers of fanfiction. My goal is to create a supportive space for fanauthors to receive constructive feedback on fanfiction, original fiction, or creative nonfiction. If desired, I also provide guidance on moving outside of fan spheres to traditional publishing or other creative writing programs such as MFAs.

Participants of the workshop receive

Attendance in an 8-week Zoom course during which you’ll provide feedback to your peers and workshop one piece of your own work, up to 6,000 words.

Access to the Fanauthor Workshop Discord server, an active community where we host weekly accountability meetings, write-ins, and other events and activities.

A one-hour consultation with me to go over your workshop feedback, come up with a plan for revision and/or publication, or anything else you’d like to discuss regarding your writing.

Open enrollment option in future workshops.

When

The workshop meets on Fridays from April 12 through May 31 via Zoom. You can apply for one of two sessions:

Group A: 12pm - 2pm EST

Group B: 6pm - 8pm EST

Cost

The cost is "pay what you think the experience is worth," with a recommended amount of $300. To be as inclusive as possible, I don't want money to be a deterrent for anyone interested in participating.

Payment can be made before, during, or after the workshop, via PayPal or Venmo.

How to apply

Eligibility

Anyone over the age of 18 who considers themselves a participant of fandom and who is familiar with fanfiction may apply. A stable internet connection is also required. Submissions must be written in English.

Application requirements

To apply, you will need:

A brief cover letter discussing your fan history and goals as a (fan)writer (more specific instructions on submittable).

Maximum 1,000 words of your writing, either original work or fanfiction. This may be previously published/posted.

You can apply via submittable. Applications close March 8. There is no fee for applying.

FAQ under the cut.

FAQ

Are there any content restrictions to what I can workshop?

The only restriction is word count (max 6k), with the following caveats:

If you workshop a piece in a form other than prose (for example, a script), your peers may not be able to offer constructive feedback on that aspect of the work. Participants are asked only to have a familiarity with prose.

Content warnings are required for each piece (if applicable), and participants who are uncomfortable reading certain subject matter may abstain from your workshop.

I want to participate in the workshop, but these times/dates don't work for me.

While the workshop is a big part of my life, I have to prioritize my own schedule, and as of right now, these are the only times/dates I can run it.

However, I'm working on developing other workshop models that may be more accessible for people who can't attend the regular spring/fall session. For example, a summer sprint workshop (meeting more often per week for fewer weeks) and/or an asynchronous workshop (written feedback only, no Zoom meeting). More on that later this year or next.

What is the time commitment of the workshop?

As a participant of the workshop, you'll be asked to:

Workshop any piece of your own prose up to 6k words, which will need to be uploaded to the group folder no later than the Sunday prior to your workshop.

Read 2 pieces per week, write a 1-page crit letter for the author, and attend the workshop itself.

What is the timeline of the workshop?

In week 1, we go over the syllabus and do a writing exercise. Weeks 2 through 8 will be a workshop, a discussion of an external reading, or a writing activity. Prior to the start of workshop, you'll be able to sign up for the week you would like to workshop your piece.

Structure of the sessions:

Question of the day

First workshop

Short break

Second workshop

We'll go over my workshop model and the syllabus in week 1.

Do I have to participate in the Zoom meetings (camera and mic on)?

Attending the workshop itself is required, and everyone is asked to offer at least one note of positive feedback on each piece, so mics are necessary. Cameras are preferred but not required.

You can't asynchronously participate, i.e. read the pieces and offer written feedback without attending the sessions.

What are the benefits of being in the Fanauthor Workshop community?

We have an active Discord server open only to those who have participated in the workshop. Once you've completed the workshop, you'll have access to attend weekly accountability meetings, write-ins, and other events we host.

You'll also have an open enrollment option in future workshops, where in lieu of applying again, you can pay a portion of what you intend to pay and secure your seat in the upcoming workshop.

I'll be working on rolling out additional events and benefits throughout the year.

Can workshop participants submit to OFIC Magazine?

Yes! Part of the reason I run the workshop is to inspire and promote the original work of fanwriters. You can follow us on tumblr @oficmag.

Who is running the workshop?

@bettsfic! In short, I lived a dreary cubicle life as a banker until I found fanfiction at 24. I loved it so much that I quit my job to get an MFA in creative writing. I loved the MFA so much that I became a writing teacher. I have some publications, awards, an agent, and 2 million words of fic on ao3. I don't have a book out yet but I'm getting there.

Currently I'm a writing coach and freelance editor. I also have a lowkey writing-related newsletter. And I've been answering writing advice asks on my blog for 10 years.

If you want an idea of the kind of writing activities I create, last summer I worked with @books on a workshop series which includes craft essays and some fun prompts.

If you're interested in my original work, my short story "Not If, When" is a good representation of my writing. For something darker, check out "Shut Up and Kill Me."

What is the workshop like?

Check out G's experience of attending the workshop. And here's some feedback from previous participants.

One final note: I'm working on updating the copy about the workshop on my website and move it over to OFIC's website. This post and Submittable has the most updated information on the workshop. If you have questions about discrepancies (or anything at all), you can shoot me an ask, DM me, or add me on Discord (I'm bettsfic there too). Or you can email me at ekweeks@gmail.com.

[ikaroux]

Learn to love yourself

Synopsis: There are things about you that you can hate. Curves that are too pronounced. A face that is too round. A more self-effacing character. And you sometimes wonder, "Why did he choose me?"

Style: female reader, Cute, sweet, loving, reassuring, established relationship.

Alert: None.

Characters: Venti, Dainsleif, Ayato.

Note: I love writing about Venti, especially since I started writing "Before the Sun and Moon." I know this character isn't necessarily the most beloved of the boys, and I won't hide the fact that Diluc is still number one in my heart. Nevertheless, I hope to make him more attractive to you… On the other hand, it's quite short, but I appreciate having written for these three characters.

Part 1: Diluc Zhongli Kaeya Xiao

Part 2: Albedo, Kazuha, Tartaglia/Childe

Sitting in front of your dressing table, your eyes stared at that large brown spot with no distinct shape imprinted on your neck since birth. You hated it, you always did… Not only were you born with it, but it was in a place that was nearly impossible for you to cover, except in the winter when you wore turtlenecks. Of course, you tried to use makeup to hide this birthmark, but despite your best efforts, it was impossible to cover it completely.

Your frustration and discomfort had intensified when you met Venti. Over the months, he had become so dear to your heart. So gentle and loving, making you feel beautiful and loved. You had done everything to hide this flaw from him, for fear that it would disgust him… But Venti was the kind of man who liked physical contact, and he often wondered why you always wore something around your neck, preventing him from placing teasing kisses on it. But he never forced you to respond, showing patience and restraint.

Caressing your birthmark with your fingertip, your mind wandering in the twists and turns of your imagination, you didn't notice that your boyfriend had come in through your bedroom window, as he so often did with his anemo vision. When you felt lips brush against your ear, a gasp almost made you fall off the stool you were sitting on as your hand reflexively came to cover your neck.

"Venti! I already told you not to come in through the window!" The young man laughed as usual, apologizing without much conviction as his aqua green eyes seemed to be drawn to what your hand was hiding.

"What are you hiding from me my dove?"

"I-I- Nothing at all! Go wait for me in the living room!" Venti did not move as you asked, instead tilting his head to the side when he caught the tremor in your voice.

"What are you so afraid of, my sweet spring? Don't tell me someone has hurt you?" Venti walked over to you, settling behind your back, his hands firmly on your tense shoulders. When you looked at his face in the reflection of the mirror, something unusual caught your eye… His eyes and the tips of his pigtails were glowing with an intense glow, identical to that of his anemo vision. Anger seemed to be what had triggered this strange reaction.

"No one hurt me… I-" You lowered your head, tightening your grip on your neck. It was then that tender arms encircled your chest as Venti's face rested on the hollow of your shoulder.

"So tell me what you're afraid of. I love you my dove, you know you can tell me anything."

"I don't want to put you off me…" Venti moved slightly away from you, his bewildered eyes staring at you as if you had just said the stupidest thing in the world. You turned your face toward him, your lips close to his. Your hand trembled against your skin, hesitant to move against his gaze. "I love you Venti, I don't want to lose you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. Try to understand me…" Venti sighed, delicately moving closer to you to place a tender but brief kiss on your lips. As soon as he pulled away, the young man rested his forehead against your shoulder, his arms tightening their grip around you.

"It's more like I should be afraid of losing you. There's so much about me that you don't know… That could scare you or worse, make you hate me. Believe me when I tell you that you are more precious to me than anything else in the world. You will never keep me away from you. Never." Tears welled up in your eyes and slowly, carefully, you slid your hand down your neck, revealing the mark that painted your skin. You closed your eyes, waiting for your lover's reaction. You felt him move behind you before the warmth of his lips kissed your birthmark, making you flinch slightly. "You are beautiful, Y/N. More beautiful than anything I've ever seen. Sweeter than any poem I've ever heard or sung. I'm so glad I met you." And before he could give you time to respond, he held you closer to him, placing eager kisses on your neck, letting only a few moans escape your lips. Venti accepted you completely, carving out a place in your heart that would be reserved for him forever. You hoped that one day he too would be able to face his fears and open up to you…

"Did you see how skinny she is." Whispered a passerby to her friend.

"Yes, how awful!"

"Don't tell me that the handsome blond guy with her is her boyfriend?"

"No way!" Sneered the stranger.

Dainsleif turned around to face the two women who were openly criticizing you, his cool gaze and poise silencing them immediately. He proudly took your hand to lead you away from the atmosphere that he knew was making you sadder than ever.

Dainsleif was not always present at your side, too busy fighting the abyss and protecting the world you lived in. He always expressed his affection, his love for you. But you couldn't help thinking that these women were right… You were too thin, wiry, nothing attractive to men. Dainsleif was… well he was perfect. An angelic face, blond hair framing his jaw perfectly, blue eyes that seemed to hold a deep, quiet ocean, a beautifully sculpted body…

"Don't pay attention to what they say." Dain muttered softly as he continued to walk quietly, his hand still firmly holding yours.

"Why? You know it's the truth. I don't need them to know that my body is… Hideous. I don't even know what attracted you to me in the first place." Dainsleif paused, slowly turning to face you, his gaze still soft when it came to you. His free hand came to rest on your cheek, his thumb tenderly caressing your skin.

"I love your eyes." He said softly, his caresses extending to your eyelid. "I love your nose." The warmth of his finger ran along the bridge of your nose until it reached your mouth, his thumb lovingly brushing your bottom lip. "I love your lips." His hand planted itself on the back of your neck, drawing you into a sudden, deep kiss, eliciting soft moans between breaths. "I love your voice." Finally, he gently placed his forehead against yours, keeping his hand in your hair. Closing your eyes, you both savored this tender moment. "Do you need a reason to love someone? I love you for who you are, not for what others think of you. I absolutely love every part of your body, every part of your soul." And you knew that Dainsleif spoke sincerely, he was a man who never lied, his sincerity and honesty could sometimes be hurtful, but always helped you move on. More than that, Dainsleif had helped you learn to love yourself step by step, even if it wasn't always easy, even if the looks on your face kept tearing you apart from the inside, as long as he stayed by your side, the world would keep turning.

"I love you Dain." A rare frank smile stretched his features as he pulled you closer to him.

"I love you Y/N." Such simple words yet brimming with emotion when spoken by him. Dainsleif held you in his arms for a long time, kissing every part of your face that your proximity allowed him to reach. Ignoring the regular passage of strangers, their curious eyes gazing at your two bodies tenderly entangled against each other.

Ayato was the very personification of perfection. He was an upright man, always elegant, always polite, always discreet… A clan leader leading the cultural commission with a masterful hand. When he spoke, people listened, when he fought, it was always with elegance and determination. However, Ayato had sides that he preferred to hide from others, even from his sister. Manipulative, cunning, ingenious, hiding behind his false smiles his real intentions. Only in front of you could he show himself… The trust and love he had for you made you so happy and yet… You were infuriatingly clumsy. Appearances in Inazuma were something essential in society, the slightest slip could bring shame and dishonor to a clan… Slipping on a stone in public. Spilling a cup of tea. Breaking a precious object. Ayato always stood behind you, catching your blunders. You were so ashamed of yourself. So ashamed to embarrass him in front of those who held him in respect.

You were a burden in his life…

Little by little, you began to refuse to accompany him to official dinners or meetings with other clan leaders, using any excuse to justify your absence from his side. But Ayato wasn't blind, watching your every reaction with sadness. He wanted to wait for you to make the first move to confide in him, which you never did… You were pulling away from him, and he couldn't stand that.

"Y/N, how about coming with me to this new restaurant they opened in town? They serve some strange drinks there that I would love to try."

"Not tonight Ayato, I have to visit a sick friend." Ayato watched you out of the corner of his eye, putting on his gloves with more rigor than he wanted.

"You don't have any sick friends." He said simply, pulling on his white jacket over his shirt, consciously ignoring the stiffness in your body at his words. "I asked Thomas to watch you when I couldn't. I was worried about your change in attitude. Why are you avoiding me Y/N? I'd rather you tell me if I've done anything that might have hurt you than watch you grow further and further away from me." You remained silent, clenching your fists in your lap. Ayato sighed loudly, his arms falling heavily at his sides. "Do you still love me?" He asked in a quavering voice, fear soaking into it like ink on paper.

"Of course!"

"Then why do I feel like I'm losing you?" Ayato finally turned to you, his face marked by loneliness and anxiety. "Tell me what I've done, and I promise to do everything I can to make it up to you. I love you and-I don't want to see you walk away from me again."

"You didn't do anything wrong! I'm the one who… I'm embarrassing you with my clumsiness. I feel… Unworthy of you." You lowered your head, hiding the feeling of humiliation that invaded you behind your closed eyelids. Ayato seemed to want to remain silent, his blue eyes watching you carefully. How could he let you think that about yourself? Did you really think you were beneath him? Ayato felt hurt… Not because of you, no, but because of his own incompetence. Wasn't it him who didn't deserve you? After all, he hadn't been able to immediately see the distress his status had caused you. Hesitantly, he slowly approached you, kneeling beside you and lifting your chin to him with his fingertip.

"Forgive me for not understanding what was wrong…" Your eyes glistened with tears that you refused to let fall. "I love your clumsiness. I love your innocence as well as your pure naivety. All these parts of you melt my heart. It doesn't matter what other people think… Did you ever notice my amusement when you spilled your tea on one of the clansmen?" A tear rolled down your cheek as a soft smile stretched your lips. "Or the tenderness in my eyes when you caught yourself on my arm when you were about to fall? Ayato placed a soft kiss on your forehead. "Oh, and that day when you broke a Kujou clan vase. If I hadn't had my younger sister by my side, I don't think I would have been able to keep my urge to laugh out loud locked inside me." Said he, starting to laugh as he reviewed the images flashing through his head. A blush warmly invaded your cheeks as you tugged on the sleeve of his coat, laughing softly with him.

"It's-It's okay I get it! You can stop right there!" Ayato slowly stopped laughing, affection evident in his eyes focused on you.

"I love you my precious Y/N. Don't turn away from me. You bring so much joy to my life… More than I could ever feel. Don't be ashamed of yourself, because I absolutely love all sides of you." He placed a tender kiss on your lips before rising to his feet, reaching out to help you. "Well, how about we go taste this drink that seems to be all the rage?"

"D-Don't come complaining if I spill my drink on you!" A wry smile spread across his face.

"I wouldn't complain, considering you'll be the one to clean me up." The man made you stammer incoherent words, the red on your cheeks spreading to your ears. "Perhaps I should force this inevitable fate and bring about the catastrophe?" Ayato brought your hand to his lips, a mischievous smile on his face.

"You wouldn't dare!?" A squeak escaped your lips as he pulled you outside the Kamisato domain, lovingly intertwining his fingers with yours…